#despite the fact that they thought me going dark on social media when i was qbout to kill myself they thought it was for attention

[draygon-lord]

Vent

[222col]

summer at the zweig estate

★ art donaldson x reader ★ patrick's little sister has always had a crush on art, it might not be the unrequited school girl crush she always thought when one summer at the zweig estate, art makes his move. ★ 2.8k ★ 18+ | cw: smut

summer at the zweig estate is always the most exciting time in the calendar year. art spends most of the season staying at patrick's, your parents darting somewhere across the world, leaving the three of you alone to spend the summer as you wish. just two years separate you and your brother, he's always instructed to look after you during your parents time abroad. "i can look after myself," you tell your mother, brushing you off before departing. "listen to your brother." patrick ruffles your hair. "actually, art's in charge, do whatever he tells you. he has more sense than either of you." the three of you wave your parents off down the driveway. "i'll happily do whatever you tell me to, art." your big eyes dazzling up at the tall blonde. your innocent facade making art blush. "don't even try it, donaldson. i know what you're thinking." patrick hits his friend on the back of the head as he turns into the house. "but i wasn't- i didn't even do anything!"

art's room is situated between you and your brothers, it was originally a spare bedroom, but dubbed art's after his first few summers on the estate. posters and belongings of his staying there through winter when he's been away at school with patrick. you spend more time in art's room then you'd like to admit, stealing random t-shirt's he's left behind and reading books he keeps at your house. occasionally sleeping in his bed when you knew it would go unnoticed by your parents. you'd always had a crush on art, he'd been in your life for years, and isn't it almost a right of passage to have a crush on your brother's best friend? as you got older you tried to rationalise, tried to distract yourself from your crush, but it wasn't until you noticed art flirting back, that you realised maybe this wasn't some unrequited school girl crush. maybe you can get what you want, and piss off your brother in the process, which is always a bonus.

last summer art watched you grow into your body, he'd always had a thing for you, but last summer was when everything became a little more real. swimming and relaxing by the pool with you wasn't so innocent anymore, definitely not when he got a boner watching climb out of the water. watching you come down to breakfast in just an oversized t-shirt, that happened to be one of his, and having to excuse himself to his room, because grey joggers aren't your friend when you're turned on. he'd been liking your social media posts during his time away from you, making small conversations with you throughout the year, waiting for summer to come around.

art knew patrick would kill him for even thinking about touching you, let alone acting on it. to patrick, you're his annoying little sister, but you're his little sister, and he refuses to acknowledge that you've even kissed a boy, despite the fact he's unfortunately seen it with his own eyes at one of the famous zweig summer parties. as much art never wanted to upset patrick, he was struggling with the idea of resisting you for a whole summer.

"so, first party this saturday then, yeah?" patrick drumming his hands on his knees, sat with you and art around the pool. "yeah, sounds good." you respond, laid on a sun lounger, white bikini and dark sunglasses hiding your eyes. "what's the theme?" art questions, with backwards cap and red swim trucks. every zweig party had a theme, you suggested it during one of the first ones you and your brother hosted, now you can't have a zweig party without a theme. propping yourself up onto your elbows. "1996 romeo and juliet." patrick hums at your idea. "it is one of our favourite films, the outfits are good, i like it." smiling at your brother you lay back on the lounger. "get the invites out then, zweig."

the party's in full swing by the time you're zipping up your dress, your angel costume adorning your body. walking your way down the stairs, people styling graphic button ups, sheer shirts and catholic inspired clothing. pouring yourself a drink in the kitchen and making your way to the dance floor set up in the garden. patrick's already made his mark on some girl in a cleopatra costume, rolling your eyes and moving past him to the centre of the floor. art makes eyes with you, shimmying through the bodies to reach you. silver metal armour clad to his skin, smirking as he looks you up and down. "looks like we're matching." he whispers in your ear over the loud music. "i think you did it on purpose." you whisper back, purposefully letting your lips graze the skin of his earlobe. "so what if i did?" your cheeks are almost touching, the music vibrating from the floor up your bodies, surrounded by dancing and drinking. it would be so easy to kiss you, it's all art can think of. moving his face to look at you, lips mere inches apart as you lean up to look at him.

the next thing, art's being dragged away from you by your brother, winking at you at patrick pulls him away from the crowd. "stop trying to fuck my sister." patrick laughs at his friend, sipping his beer. "i'm not!" he protests before patrick palms art's crotch. "why are you hard after talking to her then?" art blushes, patrick only laughs and returns to the crowd to find cleopatra. the party carries on to the early hours, the boys finding you to dance with you, lifting you up onto their shoulders after one too many drinks. slumping down on a lounger next to the pool once the party starts clearing out, patrick groaning as he falls onto the end of the lounger you're perched on, head falling in your lap. art perching on the floor to the side of you both. "isn't cleopatra waiting around for you? thought for sure she'd put out." you laugh at your brother. "she already did, fucked her in the downstairs bathroom an hour ago." shaking your head, pushing patrick off of you and into the pool. "you're so gross." patrick comes up for air, shaking the water out of his hair. "oh, you're asking for it, zweig!" your brother smirks, pulling you by your arm into the pool. art's sat laughing, before the two of you pull him in by his feet.

the three of you are laughing, splashing each other before art realises that your white dress has become sheer from the wetness. freezing in his spot, watching the fabric reveal your skin beneath it as you continue messing around in the pool. patrick notices art's gaze on you in his still state. "oh for god sake, you couldn't have worn a bra?" patrick laughs, pushing your head underwater. coming up for air, you realise your chest is fully exposed through the wet fabric of your dress. sober, you would have immediately covered up and ran for a towel, but in your drunken state, you're not so bothered. "and you, stop eye fucking my sister." patrick jumps on his friend, the two of them wrestling playfully in the water. laughing at them, you climb up the ladder out of the pool, feeling art's eyes on you. "c'mon, you two, bed time."

entering your room as the boys enter their own, stripping the wet dress from your body, hanging it over the chair at your desk. drying yourself off before changing into some pjs, plugging your phone in and removing your make up. deposing of the used make up wipe as your phone pings.

you looked beautiful tonight btw, if the way i was looking at you didn't make it obvious enough

your heart almost stops beating when you read the message from art. you know it's the alcohol running through his veins that made him confident enough to send the message. but that doesn't mean you're not blushing at the words. laying down on your bed, typing a message back to him.

thanks, art <3 you looked really good too, if the way i was looking back at you didn't make it obvious either

you can hear his phone ping on the other side of the wall. holding your breath as he likes the message. patrick is going to kill the both of you. putting your phone on your nightstand, falling asleep quickly as dreams of art wash over you.

stealing shy glances with art over breakfast, patrick suggests a movie day to distract from the hangovers. grabbing a blanket from your room, you slump onto the couch, patrick balled up on the armchair, art taking his place next to you. sharing the blanket with him as you scroll through netflix to find a movie. "keep your hands where i can see them, you two. i'm not having anything disgusting happen under that blanket while i'm sat right here." patrick orders, half-lidded as he rests his head on the arm of the chair. "ugh, shut up, pat." sticking some random movie on the tv as the three of you sit quietly together, snacking on all your favourites and laughing at the shitty jokes in the movie.

hearing snores from the chair next to you, art's hand reaches over the blanket to yours. his pinky finger barely touching yours. snapping your head towards his, finding his signature half smile already looking your way. your heart beating so fast, at just the contact of your hands. he looks over again at a sleeping patrick as he laces his fingers through yours. sitting together like that for a few minutes, before art shuffles himself closer to you. snaking his arm around your waist, bringing you to lean on his chest. "is this okay?" he whispers to you. turning to look at him, smiling and nodding your head. melting into his chest as you carry on watching the movie.

"what the fuck?" your eyes flutter open, your brother standing in front of you. both of you not realising that you must have fell asleep in each others arms. "why were you fucking cuddling on the couch?" art's blushing, too shy to speak. "patrick, calm down. we all fell asleep, i must have just moved over to him in my sleep." art squeezes your waist away from patrick's eyes, grateful for your lies. stretching as you move away from art to sit up properly. "oh yeah, that sounds so believable." patrick's arms are crossed, playing the protective big brother role. you roll your eyes at him. "patrick leave her alone, stop making it a thing." art states, cracking his neck. "oh of course you'd say that, donaldson. c'mon, i wanna go play tennis." art's face scrunches up at the idea. "i'm too hungover." patrick just stares at his friend. "it wasn't a question. let's go."

you know full well this has nothing to do with tennis, they probably won't even take their rackets to the court. you know patrick is taking art to the tennis court to warn him away from you, doing the 'if you touch my sister i'll kill you' thing that he does with every guy you bring home. you can almost see the idea of anything happening with art slipping through your fingers, no one ever comes out of the big brother talk with patrick ready to carry on dating you. patrick manages to scare everyone away with whatever goes down on those talks, you know he's just trying to protect you, while stroking his ego as he watches these boys almost shit their pants at his intimidation. grabbing your blanket from the couch, you go back up to your room to hide away for the rest of the day. it's late at night when your phone pings and lights up the room.

come to my room in 20 mins?

you read art's text, your mouth agape. you thought he'd steer clear of you for the rest of summer, not invite you into his room that same night. you jump out of bed, replying quickly.

sure :)

scrambling around your room, combing your hair, putting on some chapstick. slipping back into your gingham sweats and white tank. calming down your breathing before leaving your room and knocking lightly on art's door. he opens the door quietly, smiling down at you and inviting you in. he closes the door behind you, sitting on the edge of his bed and patting the space next to him, you of course oblige and take a seat next to him. it's peacefully quiet for a few moments, the two of you just looking at each other. "so why did you want-" your words are stopped by art's lips on yours. only briefly before he pulls away to look at you. your cheeks are red, a shy smile resting on your lips before pushing them back onto art's. he hums into the kiss, placing his hand on the curve of your back.

"patrick had a big talk with me today." he pulls away from your lips, his hand staying on your back. "i thought he might have." you sigh, awaiting the words from art's mouth. assuming this was a pity kiss, a what could have been kiss, a this will never happen again kiss. "he said he knows i've liked you for a long time, i didn't know he knew." your lip is between your teeth. "you like me?" he laughs lightly at your words. "of course i do, i thought you knew that, silly girl." he places a soft kiss to your forehead. "patrick said he's okay with it," you can't help the smile that spreads across your cheeks. "as long as i promise not to hurt you, and that it won't come between him and i's friendship, which of course i agreed with both."

you can't stop yourself from pressing your lips against art's again, hands in his hair as he chuckles into the kiss. your bodies falling onto the bed, the kiss deepening as your legs tangle together. shuffling up the bed, art rolls his body on top of yours. hands roaming your body as his tongue slips into your mouth. pulling at the hem of his shirt, signalling you want it off. smirking into the kiss, he slips his t-shirt over his head. his lips softly kissing the skin on your neck, your hands caressing his exposed back. "i want you," you whisper against his ear. "are you sure? you don't have to do anything you don't want to." he looks deeply into your eyes. "i want you art, please."

he's gentle with you, slowly removing your clothes, admiring your body as he slips out of his shorts. "you're so beautiful." he whispers, his big hands exploring your naked body. pushing your legs open with his knee, slipping his hand between your bodies to stroke your clit. whimpering at the sensation as he gradually increases the pace, not breaking eye contact as you hold back your moans. art works you to orgasm, watching every movement you make and worshipping every noise that slips from your lips. "such a good girl, you ready for me baby?" nodding your head as he lines himself up with your entrance, leaning down to kiss your lips as he slowly slips inside of you. letting you adjust to his size. "please, art, fuck me."

his hips start to move as you struggle to keep quiet, stroking your hair and whispering words of encouragement as his lips suckle against your jaw. his thrusts slowly starting to speed up, the room filling with sounds of skin slapping and quiet moans from you both. compliments fall from art as he sucks and nips at the skin on your neck, sweat forming on both your bodies as his thrusts get sloppy. pulling out of you suddenly as his come falls over your stomach, whimpering at the feeling. "fuck, that was better than i've ever dreamt." he breathes out, falling to the side of you. "you've dreamt about fucking me?" you giggle up to him, placing a kiss on his cheek. "oh, so many times." he laughs as you both come back down to earth. art grabbing a towel from the drawer and cleaning you up. slipping your tank and sweats back onto your body as art does the same, wrapping his arms around you as you both fall asleep in art's room.

patrick is already sat at the breakfast bar when the two of you enter the kitchen the next morning. "i know i said i was okay with it, but i'd just like to remind you both that the walls are very thin. you wasted no time at all did you, donaldson?" patrick's half laughing into his morning coffee, art blushing before pouring you both a cup. "i never said you could give her a hickey, you perv." patrick hits art on the back of the head. "i don't remember you saying i could fuck her either but i still did that." art mumbles into his coffee. shaking your head, laughing at the boys, hopping onto the counter as patrick began to chase art around the kitchen. "don't get all cocky now, donaldson! i can still change my mind!"

[mydearzero]

Lisztomania | Spencer Reid x Reader

MASTERLIST

18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Summary: Years after joining the BAU, you thought you'd gotten past your little celebrity-like infatuation with Spencer, the whole reason you applied for the BAU. A case involving the murder of several groupies of an up-and-coming indie rock band is bound to prove you wrong.

Contents: NO Y/N, fem!Reader, BAU!reader, co-workers, friends to lovers, smut, unprotected sex, penetrative sex (p in v), creampie. If I missed any warnings please tell me!

4.7K words

It wasn't an everyday occurrence that Spencer would be the one to deliver the profile to the public. He looked a lot more stoic on TV than in real life. You never failed to be amazed by how he could still surprise you over the years. He looked confident, and it was a good look on him.

"-The man we're looking for is between the ages of 25 and 40. He is of an average build. He's likely socially inept and doesn't mingle well with his peers. Please be on the lookout for anybody who fits this description and contact the FBI through the local Police Department. Thank you." 

"Someone's gawking." Emily's words startled you out of your Spencer-induced trance. You crossed your arms and grumbled. 

"No, I wasn't..." You bit the inside of your cheek as Emily pat your shoulder and scoffed a laugh. 

"Sure, you weren't. I gotta give it to you. TV does Boy Wonder well." Emily said as she watched the head of the local Police Department take over the press conference as Spencer left the screen.

"I guess I'm just amazed at how different he looks while doing press. Compared to how he usually carries himself, I mean." You shrugged. Emily turned to look at you, no longer interested in the TV screen. 

"Guess that's the profiler in all of us. You can't help but compare. But you're right. Reid does have a certain je ne sais quoi about him, I suppose." 

_________

That was several months ago. It wasn't until you saw Spencer in front of a classroom that a familiar, uneasy feeling returned to your stomach. Emily was right. He did 'have a certain je ne sais quoi about him'. You just couldn't put your finger on what it was. 

"-Which is why it's crucial we always discuss the details of the COD with the coroner's office. COD being the Cause of Death, of course." Spencer spoke with an air of juvenile enthusiasm. You were glad he still had that part in him, despite everything that happened previous to his teaching.

He finished the class and was about to walk over to where you were leaning against the wall, waiting for him to finish. But when he was nearly done packing his satchel, a small group of college girls formed around his desk. The soft smile he'd directed at you was quickly cut short.

You stared in amazement at the girls' shameless flirting. Spencer had turned this group of brilliant and educated girls into giddy schoolgirls, all by just being himself. They all wanted a piece of him, and you started to have peace with the fact that you didn't blame them. You were in the same boat. 

_________

The final straw was during a case concerning a string of murders involving groupies of an up-and-coming indie rock band. 

"I mean, I get the urge to throw your panties on stage at an attractive man. I do. Even I would've taken the bait with Nick Carter, given the chance. But to follow a random stranger down a dark alley in the hopes of meeting your idol? That seems a bit far-fetched. Girls this age are smarter than that, especially with the media frenzy." JJ flipped through the details described in the case file. 

"There's been several cases of fangirls going to great lengths to get what they want from their idol. The earliest case would probably be with Hungarian composer Franz Liszt in 1841. 

The term 'Lisztomania' came about in 1844, describing an intense level of hysteria demonstrated by fans, a bit like the treatment of celebrity musicians today – but in a time not known for such musical excitement. 

A more recent example would be Beatlemania, or even the so-called 'Bieber Fever' or 'One Direction Infection'. There have been several studies that explain this behaviour, but I won't get into that." Spencer trailed off. 

"I know someone else who had a case of that. But I think that was just called a hard-on." JJ joked, jabbing at Spencer's short-lived fling with Lila Archer over ten years ago. Spencer grumbled something along the lines of "Can we please let that go," but it fell on deaf ears. 

"It's still strange they would follow someone down the alley unless the person they're following has been established in the girls' minds as someone with authority, like a crew member connected to the band," Rossi mentioned. 

"Garcia, look into all the current members of the band's crew along with the people working at the venues. We're going to need you at the scene, too. There's a lot of social media involved. Thank you. Wheels up in 30." Hotch stood up, signalling the meeting was finished.

You walked with Emily back to the bullpen, Spencer following close behind. 

"You know, I get it. There's something attractive about a man with a platform, even if you put him on that pedestal yourself, to begin with." Emily said as you leaned against her desk.

"Yeah, for sure. It doesn't have to be a pop star or actor. A celebrity, even. Could be anybody under the right circumstances." You agreed. You could see the appeal in having an unrelenting devotion to someone like that. 

You put Spencer on a pedestal like that, in a way. You watched as he gathered his things into his go-bag. You knew he was a flawed person, like anybody. Yet, in your eyes, all his problems could be explained or ignored. You didn't notice the curious glance Emily sent your way. 

While on the jet, you contemplated the case. Would you have fallen for the ruse? Maybe if you had been a bit younger? You'd had your own little celebrity obsessions. You wouldn't have ruled it out if free tickets and a meet & greet were in the picture. 

It was a quick but convoluted catch once the profile was made. Thank you, Penelope. The UnSub was most likely one of the band's crew members who used to date the bassist. They'd broken up due to an increasing number of groupies getting in the way of their relationship. Go figure she'd go and murder them. 

The catch happened right in time with the start of the show, the bustling crowd missing all of the mayhem that had gone down backstage due to the support act. How the gigs hadn't been cancelled yet was beyond you. 

"You can stay and watch the show from the VIP area if you want. It's the least we can do, really. Though, maybe ditch the FBI gear." The lead singer had a charming smile. You could see how the crowd waiting for him could be captivated by his energy. 

After Hotch checked with the hotel and pilot, the team decided to take the band up on their invitation. After a quick shower and change at the hotel, you drove back to the venue in groups. 

You were escorted to a barricaded area near the front of the stage. The energy of the crowd was exhilarating. An electric tension hung in the air as the 30-minute change-over between the support was filled with soft music from a playlist. 

JJ and Rossi came bearing gifts, both carrying several drinks to hand out to the team. You thanked them as you took one, taking a sip of the ice-cold drink. You deserved to relax and enjoy a night like this after the gruelling case. 

You watched unabashedly at Spencer, red overhead lights casting down on his face. You'd like to see how he'd do on the stage, perhaps in an alternate universe, and with a different wardrobe. He was undoubtedly eclectic enough to pull off the whole rock star gig. 

He felt your gaze and made eye contact, working his way past a wildly gesturing Emily as she told a story. He lightly grabbed your upper arm when he reached you. 

"Hey." You saw his mouth move, but his words got lost under the chattering crowd. You smiled and leaned closer. 

"Hi! Fancy seeing you here!" You shouted. Spencer winced as he laughed. You'd obviously overestimated the volume of the crowd. You mouthed a quick apology before taking another drink. 

You nearly choked when Spencer leaned even closer, invading your personal bubble (that was already narrow), to talk directly in your ear. 

"Did you know that typical movement behaviour at large events like these increases the risk of spreading infectious diseases?" You bit your lip as you stopped yourself from laughing. Leave it up to Spencer to break the tension like that. 

"It makes sense, I guess. Lots of people, lots of bodily fluids. Kinda gross, now that I think about it," you replied. 

Just as he was about to speak again, the lights dimmed, and screams filled the stadium. You gave him a small smile, which he returned, afterwards turning to look at the show. He stood behind you for the majority of the show, and while you would've loved to admire him in the gorgeous lighting a little longer, you couldn't have asked for a better person to have rubbed up against you for an hour and a half. 

After the show, Hotch, Rossi, and JJ decided to return to the hotel for some much-needed rest ahead of their early flight the following day. The rest headed out to a bar just around the corner of the venue. You walked quickly, the cold of the outside being a jarring change from the heat at the concert. 

You were a few drinks in when Penelope brought up a subject you'd somehow managed to avoid all these years.

"If I hadn't joined the FBI, I would've liked to be some sort of celebrity," She mentioned, taking another sip through her straw. 

"Considering the type of psychos we encounter on a daily basis, I'd rather be less known, not more." Emily shuddered. You were quick to agree. Although fame was attractive on some level, you wouldn't want to risk situations like those you'd witnessed these last few days in exchange. 

"What made you want to become an agent in the first place?" Penelope turned to you before continuing. "I didn't have much of a choice, to be honest. It was jail or the FBI, and I'm not jail material. I mean, look at me!" She gestured wildly to herself. 

You chuckled and decided to pick an opt-out answer. "I just saw it as the right thing to do, you know? Make the world a better place, even if it's only little by little." You shrugged.  

Spencer squinted as he ran his eyes over your face. "Bullshit." He determined. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion at his callout. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" You questioned genuinely. Sure, you hadn't been entirely honest, but it wasn't a lie. 

"You're lying, I can tell. You do that thing with your face. Besides, that's the most basic answer ever. Surely a person with as much integrity as you do would have a better reason than a moral superiority complex." Spencer stated matter-of-factly. You gaped at his accusation. 

"He's right, though. You have no connection to the Bureau. Reid is a wunderkind, Garcia is basically an ex-con, and I'm a child of nepotism. What made you apply? And for the BAU of all places?" Emily wondered out loud. 

You recoiled as you realised there was no getting out of this. If you were going to dance around the subject, Penelope would get too curious, anyways. She'd have your application and its details pulled up in no time. That, along with cross-referencing the BAU with your college, it wouldn't take a mastermind to figure out what happened. 

"I actually followed a lecture on sexual sadism and the Mill Creek Killer back in college that made me wonder if I'd be cut out for it." You admitted, omitting some key details. 

The one secret you'd sworn to take to your grave was that Spencer was the sole reason you were with the FBI in the first place, having followed one of his guest lectures a few years back. 

He hadn't even left the room before you'd turned in your online application to the Academy. 

"Why not mention that in the first place? God, no need to be so secretive about it." Penelope whined. You didn't answer as you tentatively sipped your drink, feeling busted for no reason. 

You glanced up to look at an overly smug and amused Spencer. Blood rushed to your cheeks when you realised you were most definitely caught. 

"You know, when Hotch first introduced us to you, I thought I recognised you from somewhere. But the memory I have of that lecture is actually overshadowed by this kid who was also there, Nathan Harris. He ended up killing some prostitutes. But now that you mention it, you did go to Georgetown, didn't you?" Spencer knew he was right. He just wanted to see how you were going to talk yourself out of this one. 

"Oh, you gave that lecture? I never realised..." It was a pathetic lie, and there was no hiding it. Emily snorted out loud. She'd clocked your little 'thing' for Spencer long ago, you knew that much. 

"Aww, you looked up to Spencer? That's so cute!" Penelope gushed. That sure was one way to put it. You made a face that must've said as much. 

"What, you didn't look up to me? I'm offended. Here I thought I was your favourite professor." Spencer joked. He excused himself as he walked to the bathroom. Great timing, as it gave you time to rid your cheeks of the flush you were sporting. 

"Be honest with me. And don't bother lying because we've all seen the heart eyes you throw at Pretty Boy. Were you genuinely interested in joining because of the subject matter? Or..." Emily encouraged you to answer. 

You sighed as you brought a hand to your face. "Honestly? I wasn't sure if I wanted to be him or be with him. But at least I signed up for the class out of genuine interest! There were plenty of girls there that were there purely for the hour-long eye candy!" You defended yourself. 

"And you applied for the Academy after the lecture? At least it must've been interesting." Penelope wondered out loud. 

"Actually..." You winced. "He'd hardly even been done with his introduction before I'd filled in the online application. But I was very single, okay? And he'd already built up this celebrity status on campus." It felt nice to admit to it after years of harbouring it. 

"Oh! You naughty little fangirl!" Penelope exclaimed. 

"I'm not a fangirl! It's been years!" You groaned. You took it back. It didn't feel nice. You should've kept it to yourself. 

"Who are you a fangirl of?" Spencer asked, putting a new glass in front of Emily and sitting back down by your side. 

"You! She's a total groupie." Penelope betrayed you. You shot her a nasty look, but it went ignored by her drunken, self-satisfied glee. 

"Is that so?" Spencer turned to you with his eyebrows raised. 

"Oh yeah, total Reidiac. You should give her an autograph." Emily winked. Spencer laughed and shook his head at their antics. 

The conversation moved on, but you felt the dynamic between Spencer and you had changed, even when unspoken. When Penelope and Emily were caught up discussing cats, Spencer leaned against your side, whispering in your ear once more. Unlike last time, he didn't break the tension, even when telling another fact. 

"Garcia called you my groupie earlier. Do you know the textbook definition of the term 'groupie'?" His voice was huskier than usual, coated with the alcohol and late hour. You shook your head timidly, urging him to continue. 

"A groupie is typically explained as a young woman who regularly follows a celebrity, especially in the hope of having a sexual relationship with them." His lip brushed against your ear as he whispered the words. A cold chill went down your spine at his insinuation. 

"You're no celebrity, Spence." You answered apprehensively. He didn't move, still leaning into your side, out of sight. You couldn't gauge his expression. 

"Maybe not in the classic sense of the word. But I have a Wikipedia page. Surely, that amounts to some celebrity status." He joked. You closed your eyes, tension slowly disappearing after the vibe of the conversation changed back to casual banter. 

Was he insinuating what you thought he was? 

You got your answer as soon as the four of you headed to the hotel. You bid your goodbyes to Emily and Penelope before turning to put the keycard in the door to your room. You heard a couple of doors close, and just when you turned the handle, there was a hand on your shoulder, pushing you inside and closing the door. You whipped around, only to be faced with Spencer. 

"Spenc-" 

"You deflected earlier." He interrupted. 

"Deflected what?" Your heart was racing. Whether from the shock of his sudden intrusion or the proximity, you weren't sure. 

"The definition of a groupie. And how Garcia is right, you totally are one." 

You gaped at the insinuation. 

"Don't look shocked now! You are totally one of those girls who audit my class." He grinned. 

"You wish! I'll have you know you were scrawny at best when you gave that one lecture I attended." You huffed, crossing your arms. 

"Were scrawny? Past tense?" Spencer egged you on. 

"Shut up. You know you've built up some muscle since then. Hell, maybe you even grew a couple of inches." You rolled your eyes. 

Spencer decided to ignore the comment and put his hand in his pocket, fishing for something. He finally pulled something out, looking way too smug for his own good. "I brought a Sharpie. You know, for your autograph." 

Fine. If he wasn't going to stop this ridiculous teasing, you were going to cross the 'groupie' line. 

"Oh my god! I like, totally want your autograph, Spency!" You started, looking him dead in the eyes as your hands made their way to the hem of your shirt. 

"Will you sign my tits?" You challenged, lifting your top far enough to expose your bra to its fullest extent. 

Spencer obviously hadn't expected that, struggling to come up with a quick-witted response. You shrugged as you took the shirt off. 

"I see. You require a larger surface area. I get it. Big ego, bigger signature." Spencer finally broke when you reached behind your back to unclasp your bra. 

"Hey, hey. Stop. I can sign them like this just fine, sweetheart." You knew he was simply going along with the rockstar act, but the nickname sent blood rushing to your cheeks either way. 

"Okay, hot shot." You smirked, pushing your chest out. He hadn't expected you to actually let him sign your chest. He scrambled to take the cap off. He stepped closer and wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you against him. 

"Stand still. You want it to come out perfect, don't you?" 

You held your breath when he brought the Sharpie up to your breasts. You looked at his face as he appeared laser-focused on giving you the best autograph of your life. Why was it that such a stupid joke felt like the most sensual experience of your life? 

The tip of the Sharpie tickled as it danced across your chest. He finished the signature with a dot on the I in Reid. 

"There, perfection." He whispered, but his eyes were no longer glued to your scantily clad upper body. You searched his face for hesitation but only found his determined gaze settled on your parted lips. 

He made eye contact as if asking permission. You'd barely nodded before his hands cupped your face, and lips were on yours, sucking all the air out of your lungs. His body pressed up against your own, frantically shedding the layers keeping you separated. You kept kissing him while desperately reaching for his belt. 

You hadn't noticed you'd slowly made your way to the bed in the back of the hotel room until Spencer pulled away to remove his tie. You let yourself fall onto the sheets, ridding yourself of your bottoms. They got stuck at your ankles as you forgot your shoes. 

"I got it." Spencer's voice was unrecognisably hoarse. He kicked off his own shoes and made his way over to the bed in only his boxers. He tugged at your shoes after undoing the laces and discarded them somewhere in the room. 

You'd never seen a sight quite like Spencer leaning over you as he rested one knee on the bed. He put his hand beside your face and you met his eyes. His head blocked the dim yellow ceiling light, lighting him perfectly from behind. It was ridiculous how angelic he could look, even in these stereotypically sinful circumstances. 

"Are you sure about this?" Spencer asked. Always considerate. What a gentleman.

"I've been sure ever since that stupid lecture, dork." You joked. Spencer smiled and leaned down, placing a kiss under your ear. His breath was hot on your neck as he left a trail of kisses down your neck, down to his crudely placed signature. 

You leaned on your elbows as Spencer reached behind your back to finally unclasp your bra. You let your back meet with the sheets again as he pulled the straps down your arms. You heard him take a deep breath as he took in the sight before him. 

You pulled him down for another kiss, unsatiable now that you'd gotten a taste. His hands reached for your chest and experimentally pinched a nipple. You inhaled sharply through your nose. The combined sensation of his mouth and large hands on your body, as his hips sought more and more friction, was delectable. 

His hands slowly reached further down, toying with the edge of your underwear. 

"Don't tease." You whined, already too riled up. 

"Patience is a virtue," Spencer murmured against the skin of your jaw, hooking his finger under the elastic band. 

"Patience, my ass, Reid. I need you." It came out more desperate than you intended, but it seemed to do the trick. He yanked the underwear down your legs, followed by his own. 

"Condom?" He asked. You shook your head. 

"Don't care. I'm clean, and God knows you are. Wanna feel you." You answered, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Spencer laughed, taking his cock in his hand and running it through your folds. 

"Have you met yourself? You won't even shake hands, Doct-oh, oh Jesus Christ." Spencer interrupted your banter by sliding inside in one go. You closed your eyes as you pulled him close, begging him to kiss you. 

He slowly started moving as you regained your ragged breath. The low grunts falling from his lips against yours were magical, but you wanted more. Your fingers made their way up to his hair, tentatively tugging at the roots. Your grip tightened at a particularly harsh thrust, and Spencer's response was everything you were searching for. 

"Holy fuck, oh my God- Uh-" His grunts slowly tuned whinier as you kept your grip on his hair. He brought a hand to your clit, rubbing circles in tandem with his thrusts. 

"Look at me, baby." He moaned in your ear. He leaned back, and your eyes fluttered open, though with difficulty. Your instinct was to squeeze them shut with pleasure. He looked ravenous, pupils blown wide, panting with the physical effort. 

You lazily wrapped your legs around his waist in an attempt to pull him even closer. 

"Shit, Spencer," you moaned as the new angle reached a spot inside you you'd only ever dreamed of. Your eyes squeezed shut again, unable to keep them open. Spencer removed the hand rubbing your clit and moved it to your chin, placing a small kiss on your lips.

"Eyes on me, come on. I know you can do it." He encouraged. Something about his coercive tone let you know there was a side to Spencer you had yet to see. You opened your eyes and were met with the sight of his eyebrows furrowed with effort. 

The noises coming from Spencer sped up along with the desperate pace of his hips. The combination of his whines with yours and the sound of skin on skin was anything but serene. You felt yourself nearing the edge, clawing at his back in an attempt to ground yourself. 

"Spencer! Fuck, oh my god," it was hardly distinguishable what you were saying, mumbles of pleasure stringing together into an unintelligible mess. His cock slid again and again and- you couldn't take it. 

Your hands left his hair in favour of running your nails harshly over his back. Spencer was seemingly a glutton for pain, moaning at the sensation. 

  "I- Shit, I'm gonna cum. D'you want me to pull out?" Spencer's thrust faltered. You knew you had to answer fast. You tightened your grip on him with your legs. 

"Please, Spencer. Please come inside me. Want to feel you cum." You begged. 

"Fuck, okay. Okay. O-" His head dropped down to your shoulder as his unrelenting hips sped up one more time, bringing you both to your high. You felt his cock twitch as your walls tightened around him. 

"Spencer!" You shouted as you came, feeling him spill inside you. 

"So good for me. So gorgeous. Perfect." Spencer mumbled as he peppered you with kisses, hips slowing down as he came down from his high. Your chest heaved, trying to catch your breath.  

Spencer carefully pulled out, making sure not to spill anything and soil the sheets. He stepped off the bed and spread your legs, before leaning back down and licking a drop of cum threatening to spill. 

"Shit, Spencer! Too sensitive!" You pushed his head away. He laughed before heading to the bathroom, returning with a dampened towel. 

The nighttime routine that followed felt domestic. You peed, brushed your teeth, ignored the sight of his signature and hickies on your boobs, and headed to bed. 

"Can I borrow your toothbrush?" Spencer asked from the bedroom. He hadn't asked to stay. But then again, you hadn't asked him to leave. You didn't want him to. 

"You just licked your own cum from my vagina, and you ask if you can borrow my toothbrush? Be my guest, Reid." You scoffed, lying down under the sheets. 

"Hey, people have their preferences, okay? Didn't want to overstep." Spencer said as he returned from the bathroom, lying down beside you. 

Against your better judgement, Spencer stayed. You knew the entire team would be up and around, bright and early. But you didn't care. His arms wrapped around you and pulled you close as you drifted off into a peaceful sleep. 

He left early the following morning. You were sure he hadn't had nearly enough beauty sleep. He could nap on the plane, you shrugged. There were no regrets from either party over the loss of sleep. 

You hadn't thought too much about your outfit before heading down to breakfast. An honest mistake one can make when staying up late and getting up early. You were exhausted, let alone hung over. You realized your mistake when the ever-stoic eyes of Aaron Hotchner immediately snapped down to the tank top you were wearing the second you stepped out of the elevator, the words 'Spencer Reid' still obscenely sprawled across your chest, accompanied by several suspicious bruises. 

Your eyes went wide as you followed his gaze, quickly zipping up your hoodie. How could you possibly have forgotten that part? You met Hotch's eyes. Before you could try to babble yourself out of this one, he held up a hand to stop you. "I don't want to know."

You clenched your lips as you nodded. "Noted, bossman."

The small smile tugging at the corner of his lips didn't escape you, and neither did the exchange of money between him and Rossi not 5 minutes later. 

[rhiannonsknife]

oh i am OBSESSED with that detective!r and rhiannon fic... if you don't mind i have Thoughts about it

it's a little different from what you proposed but detective!r who doesn't know rhiannon but rhiannon knows you... she always comes back to the scene of the crime and lately she's been noticing this pesky little detective sticking your nose where you don't belong

so, she does some research. and by god, she's obsessed with you

she's stopped killing people for her own personal reasons - she's completely consumed with killing to see your reaction, the way you curse out the killer under your breath every time you see a new body

when she starts writing your name in blood at the scene, you know that you're in far too deep to go back

to make it even better, you've tried interrogating her. she was one of your most pleasant witnesses and she even offered to take you out to get coffee. the whole time you were there with her, she was so sweet and so kind, offering to pay for both of your orders. she couldn't have anything to do with it; she was just an innocent girl who was caught in the crosshairs of this gruesome serial killer. right? right?

need her so effing bad UGHHH -🪐

— warnings: canon typical violence/dark content. obsessive!rhiannon & possessive!rhiannon. gn!reader. some suggestive content. didn’t beta read (as always).

— a/n: this ask had me thinking omfg.

rhiannon who gets obsessed with you the moment she first sees you.

it all starts the moment she first sees you at the scene of her latest kill. she tends to linger, to watch from afar to see how the investigation is coming along. it’s not like people tend to pay attention to rhiannon’s presence anyway, so she’s comfortable to stay and see what’ll happen. you’re different from the other detectives, she instantly senses that. and, oh, how she hates it -at first. you’re clearly underestimated by your colleagues, despite the fact that you’re much better and smarter than all of them combined. you catch details others are unaware of until you point them out with an intensity rhiannon hadn’t expected. for the first time ever, she feels a thrill from something other than killing.

that night, she spends hours researching all that she can find out about you.

sprawled out on her couch, rhiannon spends hours combing through your social media, any public records, and every small mention of your life she can find online. by the end of it, she knows your favorite coffee shop, the route you take to work, and even the way you laugh, thanks to an obscure interview clip she found buried online. she imagines what it would be like to meet you in a “normal” setting. just two strangers talking over coffee. she imagines all sorts of scenarios, picturing countless ways of how she could get you to notice her. but that’s not enough. she needs more.

rhiannon who starts killing for you.

before she 'met' you, she'd been killing for her own satisfaction the most of all: murdering people who wronged her, people who continue to underestimate her, who pretend like she's not there at all 90% of the time. that is until she meets you. once she has gathered enough information about you and has learned that you are the one who's taking over the investigation of her murder case, she makes it her mission for you to see her. she's consumed by the idea of murdering for you.

obviously, you can't figure out that it's her. but she can still very much get your attention:

when you start to find your name scrawled in blood at multiple crime scenes, your stomach twists. you don’t know if it’s taunting or a bizarre kind of flirtation, but you can’t shake the feeling that this killer has an extremely personal fixation on you. rhiannon finds a sick satisfaction in knowing that she’s the only one who truly understands you. and that soon, you’ll understand her, too.

rhiannon, whose obsession only gets worse.

she starts following you around, whether it's by walking after you at a safe distance or by driving her dad's truck. only being in your presence thrills her. she can't think of anything that's not the next kill and what she can leave behind for you at the crime scene this time. after a while, you start to receive anonymous letters at your home. they’re handwritten, sweet, and yet filled with hints that leave a chill down your spine: each one contains personal details only someone very close (or very obsessed) would know. you start to dread going home alone each night, wondering if the killer is watching even then.

and, still, you're determined to catch this killer.

it's almost like you're just as obsessed with solving this case: you work relentlessly and stay in for much longer than anyone would ever know, sometimes running on no sleep at all just to try and connect the dots that are scattered all across your hometown in from of bloody crime scenes. once, while working late, you glance up from your desk to find somebody outside the station, watching through the window. it's just a silhouette that waves and, before you can react, turns and disappears into the shadows.

she makes watching you from afar a habit she can't seem to shake off:

hidden in plain sight, she watches you work a scene, observing your expressions as you piece together clues she’s laid just for you. the way you curse under your breath or tense at a particularly dark detail excites her; it’s like she’s guiding you through a personal maze, she’s drawing you closer with every carefully crafted move.

rhiannon, who even goes as far as to leave gifts for you right at your doorstep.

they’re seemingly innocent items: flowers, trinkets, chocolates...always with notes like “you looked tired today” or “thought you’d like this.” but you know better. there’s nothing innocent about these gestures; they’re reminders that she’s closer than you think. in one of her letters, she writes: “every kill is for you.” the revelation is twisted, sick even, but the obsessive way she describes her admiration for you leaves you feeling trapped in her gaze. you start to wonder if this chase will end only when she’s taken everything from you. or if you’ll end up her final victim.

at this rate, she catches feelings for you before she even knows what's happening to her:

she follows you on a night out, intrigued by how you relax away from work. when you laugh with friends, she feels a strange jealousy toward anyone who’s close to you. to rhiannon, this outing feels like an unofficial date, watching you from a corner as if she’s already a part of your life. later, she imagines herself sitting beside you, whispering her secrets in your ear, knowing she could charm you if given the chance.

rhiannon, whose obsession which was originally supposed to be a cat-and-mouse game that she was in control over, turns into a sense of possessiveness.

alone in her room, she whispers your name just to hear the sound of it aloud. she fantasizes about how you’d react if you knew she’d been studying you so closely if you knew that every kill from here on out was a twisted attempt to draw you closer. rhiannon, who somehow steals something from you, whether it is by sneaking into your home whilst you're out or by reaching into your purse in passing. either way, she uses it, later that same night, when she's home alone and dares to touch herself to the thought of you. she finds herself almost longing for you to figure it out, to see her completely. she’s begun to view each kill as a love letter, a message only you can fully understand, and in some dark corner of her mind, she starts to believe you might actually feel the same way.

but even that is not enough for her. she wants you to know her. to look at her, without the slightest clue who's really in front of you.

so, rhiannon plays the role of the clueless witness: after a particularly grisly scene, she shows up at the station, pretending to have seen something, and strikes up a surprisingly casual conversation with you. she even convinces you to take a break for coffee: she offers to buy, her voice light and friendly, as if she’s not the very person keeping you up at night.

rhiannon, who starts accidentally running into you.

she begins appearing in unexpected places: your favorite bookstore, the cafe near your precinct, and even outside the gym. she plays it off like coincidence, but you can’t shake the feeling she’s watching you. every “chance” encounter leaves you more on edge, especially as her excuses get flimsier, her curiosity too intense for a stranger. her gaze lingers just a bit too long, and she throws out casual details she should never know about you. but then again, there's no way this innocent woman could ever be responsible for all these gruesome crimes, right...?

you brush off these suspicions, not really believing that rhiannon could be capable of these murders.

and still, during another coffee date (which become a habit between the two of you) she drops a casual line, mentioning a detail about your personal life you never told her: maybe the nickname your family used or an obscure detail about your childhood. when you press her about it, she insists that she read it somewhere or “just remembered” from one of your conversations. but her gaze lingers, enjoying how much she’s unsettling you.

rhiannon, who starts acting possessive over you without really noticing it herself.

out in public, she lets her fingers brush against yours. she’ll throw an arm around you casually, especially when she notices other people noticing. to rhiannon, it’s a game of establishing her claim, marking her territory.

after some time, she finally invites you to her place, claiming she wants to “return the favor” of all your coffee dates.

when you arrive, the atmosphere is too perfect, too staged, with dim lighting and chillingly specific music playing softly. every word she says feels more like a veiled confession, every look a taunt as she watches you grapple with the tension between attraction and horror. it’s not until you see a framed newspaper clipping of one of her murders in the hall that you realize she wanted you here for more than a simple dinner...

[italianpersonwithashippersheart]

Hey bestie, dropping by with a mea culpa. When Peaceful Property started, you expressed concern that GMMTV was inching toward a model of using bl pairs in shows that would avoid being explicitly gay but still draw on shipping fandom to be successful. Coming off The Trainee, which was not a bl but did have expIicitly queer characters and romance subplots, I wasn't sure the intentions were quite that dark for PP, but having now finished it and seen the way some in the production have interacted with shipper fans, I have to call it: you were right to be concerned. At no point was this show ever a bl and none of its principal characters are canonically queer, but they successfully leveraged the TayNew ship to have fans interacting with it as if it was in fact a gay love story, that idea and fan commentary was explicitly encouraged by the creators, and the show has been quite successful despite never actually delivering on all the TayNew bait. I'm definitely concerned that we might have somehow swung back around to queerbaiting being seen as acceptable and good, as long as it features popular branded pairs. I don't have any bigger thoughts to offer about how this should be addressed, but just wanted to come back and say you were valid for naming that!

Thank you. I didn't want to be correct. And I am still hoping to wrong about what this says about where GMMTV is going.

But I am not gonna lie, seeing the posts about the finale did regnite the massive fury I had at this project when it was first called a bromance. So I am going to use your ask as an opportunity to vent.

FOR THE RECORD: I am not mad at you, or at the people and mutual on my dash that have enjoyed the show and are claiming as gay out of spite. My anger is at GMMTV and at GMMTV alone.

THEY DID THIS SHIT TWICE ALREADY!!! Back to fucking back.

I know High Schoool Frenemy is being watched by like 5 people on tumblr. But it's doing well outside of tumblr. They are using bl style fanservice with the 2 main boys of that show. I have seen the shippy content and compilations along with the other bl couples. Not to mention people like Jojo saying those characters are the his new favorite ship on twitter.

AND I AM SO PISSED!!!!

I am glad you brought up TayNew because there is no doubt in my mind that they used TayNew for Peaceful Property as a test. They knew there could be backlash. They knew the bl fandom could have rioted. But they also knew that if it that rage would have been directed at TayNew not at the director, not the company but TAYNEW.

And I think TayNew knew this. Because they spend weeks on social media doing preintive damage control, I have seen the posts of them (or at least New) saying it wasn't going to be romantic. I don't think the two of them forgot how they were left to eat the shit alone over the bullshit backlash during the TayGun kiss situation with GMMTV doing fuck all for them.

And what pisses me off is that BL audience didn't even give a backlash. They eat that shit up like it was fucking icecream.

The BL audience is literally doing their job for them. They are taking a show with some gay subtext and running with it.

They are showing up for the fanservice (again broder audience outside of tumblr), and gleefully closing their eyes and ears and saying well I Think It's Gay.

What do you think Mega Corporation GMMTV is going to take from the success and no backlash? If the answear is anything but: We can produce half of the BLs as usual and make the rest Bromances, you have more faith in corporations then I do.

Because Bromances can be watched by non BL audiences as well. The BL niche is a big one, but it is still a niche.

And now they won't even have to bother inserting arguable quality gay commentary or struggles or homophobia. Or any gay kissing, no more workshops. No more worries about how effective these potential straight boys are going to be at playing gay. All they have to do is making them do fanservice, and they are great at training people for that. Or better yet, actually use one or two ships that have kissed before and done actual BLs.

Will they stop doing BL at all, obviously not, you gotta give the BL audience something to remind them they can still show boys kissing, and we have the Ex Morning and Jojo that will never actually stop making BLs and some gay shit. But if in the next line up we will more bromances, and eventually we get half BL and half bromances I wouldn't be surprised.

Of course maybe I am just pessimistic and cynical. Maybe the proto bdsm in the heart killers is enough to persuade people that I am totally wrong. I guess we will see about that.

Thanks again for the ask and the oppurtunity to vent a little. Again I don't fault anyone for enjoying this, it was design to get the BL audience watching.

I will personally be keeping with my own resolution and never watch another gmmtv show live ever again, maybe binge the few that sound interesting and that's it.

At least I can find comfort in the idea that that other companies do not have the same level of BIG cast of boys and big budget to do the same thing and follow in the bromance trend.

[nescaveckwriter]

Paintbrushes and Romance

Part One 🥰

Dean x reader

A/N: this is my first ever written piece on here, so let me know what y'all think, much love my little twinkies💞

Warnings: Talking of killing, swearing, police case, not sure what else.

,..............

The smell of freshly grounded coffee beans fills the cozy little coffee shop. There's about six or seven tables in the middle, but you always choose the little corner seat, mostly everyday you sit there, watching people, listening conversations, finding inspiration.

No one except the waitress ever notices you, though that's the way you like it, sitting there admiring the way autumn takes over the leaves, its always been your favourite season ever since you were that little girl, running around, playing with the leaves, your parents would get so mad at you, for messing up the garden, a smile tugs at the corner of your lips, your thoughts get inturupted by the waitress, need a fill up? Ah! Yes please Julie, I'd appreciate that, not getting much work done today, saying with a smile. Sure, Julie said, you'll get there, one day I'll know what you do for a living I guess... You laugh a little, yeah one day.

It's not that your in the secret service or something, its just, you are a very private person, despite the fact that you're a social media influencer, and an author of three best selling books. You're actually busy working on a new book right now, but its going slow, you need inspiration of the male character, but just can't seem to find one, hell you can't even think of one, and since its one of those spicy romance books, you can't exactly base the character loosely on your brother, that'll be damn weird. Deep in thought, you hear the bell of the door, chime, welcoming a new customer. You look up from your laptop and see its two men , one man looks like a freaking giant, brownish hair, kinda messy looking, hanging over his ears, the other one a bit shorter but still tall, with his dark blondish hair, neatly spiking in the air, with a little stubble beard enhancing the already amazing, sharp jaw line, pink rose plump lips forming a smile when he excitedly said, with a kinda gruffy voice, look Sammy, they've got pecan pie. Yeah okay! Let's take a seat, and try to behave said the taller one.

You can't help it, you are drawn too him, like a moth to a flame, you quickly look in your flower tote bag, grabbing your sketch book and favourite pencil, and with out waisting anymore time , you pick up the pencil and start sketching the outline, of his nearly perfect face, getting swept away in the aroma of the coffee, the outline of his face, the way his savouring every single bite of the pie, you just have to sketch this man, maybe you can loosely base your books character on him, damn he sure is good-looking you think sketching away.

.............

Damn Sammy, this pie is just what I needed, Dean said. How is it possible that we never came to this coffee shop, Dean said, looking over at Sam eating his salad, dude he said, live a little, try some pie! I'm fine, thanks man, you know I prefer healthy choices Sam said with a not amused look on his face. Yeah well, whatever, I prefer living a little, we can die at anytime with our line of work Dean said.

Dean can hear a sort of muddled sound of his brother's telling him something, but can't really focus, in the corner, is a woman sitting with black jeans and a black top with a long mustard yellow jersey, with flat shoes matching the black, the light coming through, shining on one side, making her appear like an angel, with a messy hair bun and loose pieces of hair framing hair face, she's wearing glasses with a purplish frame, complimenting her pale, white skin, she's biting her lip, while focussing on something, not quite sure what it is. She is medium built, definitely not the type of women he goes for with their sleek long legs and high heels, but damn she was beautiful, a kind of beautiful Dean had rarely seen!

Dean! Hey! Dude! Snap out of it, Sam said while hitting Dean on the shoulder! What! Is your problem Sam, Dean said frustration clearly in his voice. What the hell man, I've been talking for the past few minutes, and then I just lost you. Bite me, Dean said. Clearly confused Sam taking a bite of his salad, you okay Dean, is it this case that has you all worked up? Yeah maybe! We need to get this guy before he kills anyone else, Dean said frown visible taking another bite of pie, keeping an eye on you in the distance, thinking you take his breath away without even saying a single word...

[ggulmul]

https://www.tumblr.com/ggulmul/717288697216778240/jungkook-is-an-introvert-who-loves-hanging-out-at?source=share

I love that they mentioned only that specific part about connecting the dots, and then ignore the literal following explanation about why its not hard to connect the dots. Jungkook hangs out publicly with his friends because there is nothing to hide, no suspicious behavior. Just friends.

But if he gets caught with Jimin and slips up, if he forgets where they are and makes a TINY mistake? That's going to be really messy for them.

But its so easy to take a paragraph without context and manipulate them to their advantage. It's also pointless explaining things to them because they'll only believe what they want. They really think Jimin and Jungkook will tell us everything about their lives and will never lie to us, lmao.

Same, anon —it feels like some people deliberately miss the point at times.

Similarly, it’s still a common take on the dark side of Twitter that Jikook has been “disproven” because Jungkook did nothing to support Face… … … Like, everyone’s entitled to their own opinion, but you can’t just ignore the facts, then go on to make unfounded claims that go directly again said facts.

“Something amazing is coming at midnight, please look forward to it.” Jungkook’s participation in Letter, even learning it on the guitar and playing a teaser for us right before Face dropped. The congratulatory comment on Jimin’s Weverse post. The 1.5 hour long Jimin-centric live. Jungkook living it up in the comment section of Jimin’s live the day after; “(You know) I’m hyung’s fan.”

The naysayers literally turn a blind eye to all of it. Not to mention how Jungkook’s not big on social media in general, nor is he known for being especially vocal in support of the other members’ endeavours. Even so, Jimin’s an exception, as Jungkook has repeatedly shown us.

Which reminds me of something regarding Jungkook’s Jimin live; a few times, a video would come up (e.g. Pixid) and he’d mention already having seen it, that he liked it, and so on. This was near the end of Jimin’s very intensive album promotions. So much content was being released that I —despite my best efforts— hadn’t watched nearly everything. But Jungkook seemed to be completely à jour, which prompted the thought:

Jungkook is a bigger fan of Jimin than I am.

And for some reason, that notion made me a bit emotional. I don’t quite know why —after all, it’s to be expected, given their closeness. But it’s also easy to take the people in our lives for granted, even those we love. Jimin and Jungkook have known each other for over a decade, having spent most of that time together in some capacity. Still, Jungkook missed him when they didn’t get to see each other as much (“I miss you” “Me too”). Still, he dedicated all that time to watching Jimin content, totally engrossed. The man who can’t focus on things he’s not interested in. Jungkook began the live stating he was tired and ended it saying he had to go because he felt inspired to work.

There’s just something about the mutual adoration and admiration they have for one another that makes me all mushy.

[f1-disaster-bi]

"You deserve better than me." ~ Daniel/Lando?

Oooo this is giving Party au

Lando had always known that eventually something about his sobriety would get out.

He knew that nothing stayed secret forever. He knew that he'd have to talk about his missing year at some point, that he couldn't ignore it but he had thought that he'd have more time to figure it out.

Lando had always planned to say something. He'd been working towards it with both his sponsor and therapist. He'd talked to the team about it, about coming forward with his struggle with mental health and with being sober, but Lando had really thought that it would happen when he retired, not while he was still racing.

The choice had been taken out of his hands three weeks ago.

Someone had leaked something about his six months in the inpatient rehab program. They hadn't been able to find out who the person was, but enough was leaked that Lando had woken up to panicked calls from his magement, from the team, from his friends and family.

He had woken up to Max bursting into his apartment, and taking his phone away from him because Lando had started having a break down and Daniel wasn't there. Charles had held him while he had sobbed, and Max had filtered his social media but he still saw what everyone was saying about him.

It didn't matter how hard they tried, Lando still saw the messages, the tweets, the articles. He saw what everyone thought about him. He saw the fans turning on him, calling him junkie scum, wishing he had died.

Lando had already put out his statement. He had given an interview to Natalie. All questions had been pre-checked, and Lando had had to have his sponsor nearby. He'd been honest about his mental health, about his drinking, about the team noticing something was wrong and getting him help. He left out the admission that he had drank in his drivers room and had driven in practices in Monaco while riding a high. No one needed ro know that.

The interview had helped a little. It had helped for the world to see what he had dealt with, to hear his words and he knew that even if a thousand people hated him, that there was at least one person out there watching his interview and seeing that they could do it. They could get clean too, and he tried to focus on that but right now, Lando’s head was too loud.

It was too messy inside his head as he remained curled up in the dark of his hotel room. A group of fans ha been screaming abuse at him on the way into the hotel. One had thrown a drink at him and Lando had walked straight into the shower with his clothes on because he smelled of vodka and it made him want to wretch.

"Lando? Baby, are you with me?", Daniel asked softly as he reached for him, never touching without Lando’s consent. Lando hadn't even heard him come in. "Baby, talk to me. Don't disappear on me"

Lando looked at him as best as he could in the dark. He reached out for Daniel's hand, taking it in his own and squeezing softly as he tried to find his words among the mess in his head. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth.

"You deserve better than me", Lando whispered as he felt his tears building up behind his eyes, "I'm so sorry"

Daniel watched him with sad eyes as he lifted Lando’s hand to kiss it softly.

"Can I touch your face?", Daniel asked, and when Lando nodded, Daniel cupped his face softly. He tilted Lando’s head so their eyes met, "You are my everything, sunshine. There is no one in this world that is better for me because I already found the best and it's you, okay? You're my heart, my home, my always, and I love you. You have nothing to apologise for"

Lando wanted to believe him. He wanted so desperately to be perfect for Daniel but he just felt like a screw up. He felt like everytime things were going right for them, he fucked it up with his addiction issues despite the fact he was over four years sober now.

"I keep messing up", Lando choked out, tears spilling down his cheeks and over Daniel's hands.

"No, sunshine. You haven't fucked up", Daniel reassured, leaning in to kiss his forehead softly, "The world is just a shitty place that takes advantage of people's struggles for likes and comments but you are not messing anything up. You make the world a better place by being here, by being you and showing people that you are more than the traumas you endured, okay? I love you so much, please believe that"

Lando sniffled as he leaned forward to rest his head against Daniel's. He tried to nod softly as Daniel brushed his nose against his in a soft gesture.

"I love you too", Lando whispered softly, "Everything is just...."

"Too Much right now", Daniel finished for him, wiping away Lando's tears, "And that's okay. Something really horrible was done to you and they took away your choice to come forward when you were ready. It's okay that you're not okay, Lando. Just don't shut me out"

"Okay, okay, I can do that", Lando nodded as Daniel moved to kiss his forehead again before he pushed into Daniel's lap, needing his fiancé close, "Hold me?"

"Always, sunshine. I'm never letting you go"

[the-everqueen]

Wondering your thoughts on something I’ve noticed a lot in the Sandman fandom - namely, that every fanart or fanfic involving Daniel (based on the show!!) always portrays/describes him as white, despite the fact that show!Danny’s dad is a black man…

i think there's a few factors at work. first (and foremost) people trying to incorporate bits of the comix in the absence of "official" casting (almost every fanart and a lot of fanfics defaulted to Destruction as a white, red-haired man before the actor was announced). Danny in the comix is a blonde baby and then a sort of...ghostly amalgam of a young man who never existed and Morpheus as we knew him (disheveled hair, gaunt figure, sharp cheekbones, dark eyes). what would that look like in the show? i don't know! i'm hoping there's at least a nod to Daniel's human parentage (he's blonde in the comix BECAUSE he's Lyta Hall's son, and in the comix she's blonde), but i think there are a few ways that it could be cast. Danny!Dream as mixed, light-skinned, and/or racially ambiguous could be both really tragic and really compelling: the erasure of where he came from as metaphor for his personal losses (of family, of childhood, of "personhood" in a human sense), and the insistence on some reminder of his parents, his past, as a counter to his "function." i'd love to see that explored in fic! (as someone who also defaults to comix!Daniel - though there IS a reasoning behind this choice in the LA guard dog universe and non-Dreaming aus.)

at the same time, i think it's partially a function of fans getting attached to Tom Sturridge's portrayal of Dream. when s1 came out, i saw some discourse circulating about how already people weren't ready to "lose" him (and i think some of this filtered into the whole "retired" Dream headcanons, though that's another discussion). and i get that if someone else is cast as Danny, there's going to be a...reaction to both the actor figured as a "replacement" for Tom and the character as a "replacement" for the Dream that fans became attached to. which then becomes a possible burden on the actor. Rose's actor, Vanesu Samunyai, got significant backlash for being a Black woman to play a character who was white and blonde in the comix, and i could see that kind of racism seeping into people's reactions to Daniel. (also a fan grief/sadness at the tragic ending used as a "justification" for racism.) it's not clear to me how much support nonwhite actors like Vanesu get when they're cast in these roles where fans might "expect" a white actor. (like...Riordan told Leah Jeffries in the new PJO series not to listen to the haters because he chose her, which is great and all, but...is production working to ensure that she has someone she can safely process her experiences with, is she given reasonable accommodations, is someone else moderating her socials so she doesn't have to deal with trolls?) so that's another consideration.

(obviously the "solution" isn't to never cast nonwhite actors, but there's been an increase in "diverse representation" in media without a discussion of how these predominantly white spaces have material impact on nonwhite creatives.)

last thing is just that i've noticed the sandman fandom generally seems...more reluctant to engage in alt. casting than say, musical theater fandoms, where there's an expectation that the principal actor won't always be in a role or present when you witness the performance. there's this automatic turn toward finding someone who fits, for example, Delirium from the comix in the absence of an official show casting, rather than playing around with the uncertainty. (personally i'm out here championing Bailey Bass as my Delirium face cast, and tbh if they cast the rest of the Endless sibs as white, she and Stephanie Hsu will remain my primary Del references.) which i think is common in fandoms that rely on a visual "text" for reference, and even more so for Neilman tv fandoms, where fans seem to want/expect "word of god" affirmation. again, another discussion, but i'll just say for now i think the fandom suffers for it.

[gravitypictureshow]

Why these DHMIS characters have ✨Autism✨

(As explained by someone with autism)

Red Guy📞🎥🔵: I remember when I first watched DHMIS I was pretty terrified of it until I was introduced to the media theory and the idea that in universe DHMIS was a show, and Red was the original creator. A lot of things with Red began to click with me at that point. He spoke a monotone voice, even when he wasn't upset or disinterested. He had difficultly interacting with his peers (Specifically, I'm think of the scene in the office where he's making the file sing and dance around and all the other mops are staring at him :)) He couldn't stand the idea of working a normal office job, where he would never get to show other the incredibly colorful and vibrant world inside his mind. Despite the fact he appeared stoic on the outside, he had so many big feelings inside, happiness and anger and love and fear, that were all invisible upon a first glace at him. As a creative autistic, I related to him a lot. He became very important to me, and it honestly surprises me how much people don't talk about him being autistic compared to other members of the cast.

I think it may partially be due to the new Channel 4 show, as in it he mostly is portrayed as an uncaring person, rather than someone who has difficulty expressing themselves, which really upsets me :(

Roy Gribbleston💵🎬😑: When I first watched DHMIS I used to joke that Roy was the only neurotypical character, but it wasn't long before I realized that wasn't true. One of the first things one notices about Roy during the series is that he never speaks, which could be interpreted as going nonverbal. He has a very blank expression and shows no outside emotion. We also see him hiding away in dark or dimly lit places rather than standing out in the open for the majority of the series. Another prominent trait Roy possesses is looking very scrappy, "greasy" as one of my friends described. This reminded me of the troubles I have with hygiene such as hair brushing and face washing because of sensory issues. I personally headcannon that Roy will show up to business meetings in his overalls looking all scrappy thinking it's socially acceptable because he is a respected businessman and owner of the company (It's not too bad a problem, everyone is too scared of him to actually point it out).

I personally enjoy this nasty, lanky little autistic puppet >:)

Yellow🟢🍝🎈 and Duck🦆💼🥫: I personally haven't paid attention to these two as much, but I have noticed that Duck uses a rocking chair, which could be a stim, and also has an issue with volume control, as he often speaks very loudly. Yellow seems to have difficulty verbally communicating his thoughts, feelings, and ideas in a way others can understand them throughout the original series.

Colin the Computer🖥️⌨️‼️: I have a friend who is into computer science and also neurodivergent who liked Colin a lot when I showed him the Technology episode! Things I've noticed about Colin are that he dislikes physical touch. He also seems to really enjoy talking about the internet, computers, and their functions, almost like a special interest (but going by this logic, many of the teachers would be autistic too, but that probably isn't far off).

That's all for now, but I might think of more later!

[silver-queen]

v off topic but what is up with project moon lately ive been vaguely aware of workplace stuff happened but dunno much

id ask u if ur ok w/ explaining it to me but if u cant dw bout it

hope u have a nice day btw

I don't mind but be aware I'm not fluent In korean nor abut the social climate there 😔 and thank you!

I'm gonna recall what I know so it's going to be long, but long story short, Kim Jihoon (Project Moon's CEO) fired the CG artist vellmori immediately after some guys from korea's equivalent of 4chan (DCInside) accused her of being a feminist.

This isn't the first time something like this happened in the korean gaming industry, but this particular event kind of uncovered a whole lot of issues in other things, from Project Moon's shortcomings to as far as the korean gaming industry itself.

I don't know where to start, but the whole thing happened because a beach mini-event featured one of the female character in a full wetsuit and not in a bikini, nevermind that Project Moon is known for rarely, if ever feature fanservice. A group of people from DCInside directed their outrage to the main art director and artist of said character's skin, but once they found out that the artist is a man, they pivoted to the CG artist, despite the fact she's not responsible any character design in the game.

DCInside started to give Limbus Company a negative review on all platforms it was on for it's "feminist agenda" demanding for vellmori to be fired, and when PM took too long with complying with their demand, ten people took it to themselves and stormed Project Moon's office. The situation seemed dire, we tried supporting Project Moon because we thought they weren't the type of company who would side with people like them.

PM responded by posting an announcement (only in korean at the time to try to keep the international fanbase in the dark) that vellmori was to be dismissed from her position for "causing controversy"

Said controversy is that DCinside dug a deleted post vellmori retweeted when she was a teen speaking out against a spycam epidemic in women's bathroom. That was five years ago and long deleted, but apparently it was still a valid reason to dismiss her from the company.

Vellmori mentioned in a korean newspaper that Kim Jihoon fired her over the phone at midnight when he was still in Japan in preparation for a game expo. This was before Project Moon released any follow-up statement after the first one.

Project Moon then released another statement that vellmori was merely dismissed, but not fired, and that they aren't disclosing anything more to protect her. They also threatened to sue everyone who spread misinformation, which is hard to define since PM wasn't clearing up anything.

During this many former employees came forward about the poor management they experienced and the lack of employee protection in PM. The visual artist of Leviathan, the prologue comic/novel for Limbus Company mentioned that she was forced within a tight schedule (a chapter every week) without room to make buffer pages in her schedule. When she tried to negotiate for a scheduling change, Kim Jihoon instead cut her contract short.

The english translator for both Limbus Company and it's twitter announcements, in a separate incident, was harassed and cyberstalked on social media, yet Project Moon did nothing to defend him. Kim Jihoon has proven before that he could stand up for his employees, like he did with PM's cafe when customers harassed the staffs. Granted, the translator said that he doesn't want anyone to criticize Project Moon for not defending him, but his letter is still depressing to read, especially when he revealed he had to work on chapter 3.5 overnight while his family member was diagnosed with cancer.

MIMI, the artist for Lobotomy Corporation's spinoff comic Wonderlab, shortly took down the comic due to dissatisfaction with the company.

A youth union was created in response to the controversy, demanding a clear announcement over vellmori's employment status and to compensate her.

PM responded that yes, vellmori has been fired, and claims that she wishes her privacy to be protected to avoid revealing anything further about her dismissal, even though she had already talked to a newspaper about it.

And until this day Project Moon went on a crusade against everyone who directly speak against their decision, from suing peaceful truck protestors and unions, and yet they barely addressed the incels from DCInside who started this all in the first place. The infamy of this incident also brought attention to the rampant misogyny in South Korea, especially in the gaming industry.

Honestly this isn't the first time they folded from the slightest bit of pressure, but the first time it was because a review bomb on Library of Ruina because some blokes didn't like the original ending. I don't know. I feel like they're going to foster a fanbase that thinks they can get whatever they want if they cause a big enough ruckus when things don't go their way. I don't want to be part of that so I've been steering away from the fanbase even if I'm still fond of PM's stories.

Sorry this got long and I don't have complete sources, most of this is what I recall from witnessing it firsthand and I really don't feel like looking for Xitter posts 😭 this post is more complete if you'd like to read more.

[denimbex1986]

'Andrew Scott doesn’t always play the kindest characters on-screen – he’s known for villainous roles such as Moriarty in Sherlock and Max Denbigh in Spectre – but that really couldn’t be further from real life.

The actor is generous with his time and his thoughts, despite calling from Italy where he’s currently working 12 hour days shooting a new project.

Scott, 45, says he considers mental health similar to the weather. "The weather is a changeable thing," he says. "If you’re in the driving rain, there’s no point in screaming up at the sky saying, ‘Please stop raining, please stop raining’. The best thing you can do is just accept it’s raining, and know that it will stop."

For the Dublin-born star, a huge factor in the male mental health crisis is society’s perceived expectations of men, to be ‘manly’ and have a stiff upper lip. "I think it’s to do with vulnerability," he muses. "Expressing vulnerability is something that’s considered in some way a ‘feminine’ trait – but I think vulnerability is a brilliant trait in a person."

"There’s a real stigma about how we approach mental illness," Scott continues. "Not one of us would say, ‘I’ve never been physically ill’ – and in exactly the same way, it seems preposterous to me that we would say we’ve never had any mental illness.

"I think we associate mental health with having to check into somewhere or having to take medication, or being diagnosed with something. But I think we have to understand it’s on a spectrum. The difference between where we land on that spectrum has to do with communication."

Particularly as a result of the pandemic and what we’ve all been through during recent times, Scott argues now is "a good time to start talking", as most of us have experienced – to some extent – emotions we might "have never felt before", including a "lack of control and fear".

Scott likes to talk about mental health with "a certain degree of lightness", he says. "There’s a duality that exists… It sounds odd for me to say that, but as long as you can be light about your darkness, I think you’re [going to be] alright."

He admits it sounds "counterintuitive", but we need to have "a sense of humour about the fact we’re all a little bit f***** up in some way. And saying, that’s OK. Nobody said it was going to be easy all the time."

Warming to his theme, Scott continues: "It’s why sometimes funerals can be more enjoyable than weddings, because at a wedding sometimes people have this dreaded feeling of, you have to be happy, and it’s so comparative. We live in such an age of comparison with social media, and sometimes at a funeral – you don’t go up to somebody and go, ‘Oh my God, you look terrible’, if they’ve got mascara running down their face, because you’re not worrying. So people are going, ‘Here I am, I am a mess. It’s OK for me to cry’. And sometimes that’s when we feel incredibly bonded."

Scott says laughter is key to maintaining his own mental health. "I try and laugh every day," he says passionately. "It’s such a human attribute – the animals, as much as I love them, they don’t laugh as much as we do. Sometimes I think we can measure someone’s humanity almost by how much they laugh every day and how much they’re able to appreciate laughing.

"[Sometimes you have to say] this is all ridiculous, this doesn’t end well for any of us – we’re all going to die. So in a way, you’ve got to laugh as much as you can – that’s my attitude certainly, as I move through life."

Scott says exercise is also central to his mental wellbeing ("without a shadow of a doubt"). Despite a gruelling schedule filming in Italy when all he might want to do is sit down at the end of a long day and eat pasta, he says: "I genuinely believe it’s an essential thing. With exercise, people think, ‘Oh my God, I have to be really fit or join a gym’, but there’s nothing I like more than going for a walk with somebody."

Walks might feel "very 2020", but "there’s something very beautiful about going for a walk with someone, because you can talk about things but you’re not facing each other," says Scott. That’s why he’s supporting the HUMEN charity’s Rise Against Suicide Sunrise Walk, which aims to ‘inspire more men to get active and talk’.

There’s another reason Scott likes a simple walk. "I love a non-event," he says. "I like the day after a wedding or getting accidentally drunk on a Tuesday afternoon with your friends. Sometimes you can have really meaningful conversations just going for a walk – or hysterical conversations. Life happens in the in-between, because there’s no pressure."'

[medea10]

So This is 2023 and What Have I Watched (& Played)

Hello Internet, it’s Medea once again doing her usual schtick. 2023 was definitely a…year! Yeah, I don’t see 2023 as anything worth while as 2024 is the year that’s going to cause a lot of havoc in my book. I’m hitting another old bitch milestone and I’m not digging it if you get my drift. But in terms of anime, there was no shortage of exciting moments. We’ve been introduced to new gems like Frieren, Skip & Loafer, and Oshi no Ko. Saw the satisfying conclusions to Attack on Titan. Surprise returns like Rurouni Kenshin! And of course, the best thing to happen in anime. Tracey Sketchit spoke for the first time in 16 ½ years.

YES, THAT’S VERY IMPORTANT TO ME!

Okay, let’s talk about the other crap that wasn’t as important as Tracey Sketchit. Per usual, I will give special acknowledgement for certain anime and games with these special categories. And I don’t discriminate in the year these animes and games were released, just as long as I watched or played it this year. So, if something was released in 2021, it totally counts here. Let’s hit it!

First Fandom of 2023: Oshi no Ko

Yeah, I’ve given this a lot of thought. I realize that this anime didn’t release until April 2023. Nothing against the animes I watched in the winter months, but the second I watched Oshi no Ko, I literally forgot what I watched in an instant. I think there was a Tokyo Revengers sequel and an anime about a tomboy girl. Like most of the internet, I was hooked because of the 82-minute premier. I was so enamored that I wanted to recommend this anime even though just one episode had just aired. It even got me to start reading manga again to see what happens next. I’m just glad Kinokuniya had several volumes. Oshi no Ko shows us the dark side to the entertainment industry in Japan. If you’re an idol and get married and have babies, it’s all over for your career. If you’re a child actor, things might not go well for you once you grow up. Social media can kill! This series seems to open up the conversation of how fans hold their favorite personalities to different standards and it can get all kinds of toxic from that.

Favorite Main Character of 2023: Liko from Pokemon Horizons

Look at that, a Pokemon main character I really like. Yeah, I’ve more often than not have given my blah feelings for Ash Ketchum and Red throughout the years. Despite my thoughts on those two, I was very conflicted when it came to Pokemon ending Ash and Pikachu’s adventure. But when they introduced Liko and Roy in that same breath, it gave me a little bit of optimism for the franchise. How often do we ever get an actual female lead in Pokemon? But does she live up to the hype? That’s for you to decide. My opinion is always janky at best. Liko was barely a day in a new school with her first pokemon before her world is turned upside-down with a shady group after her, a mysterious pokemon appearing to her inside of her pendant, and joining an explorer group where Crispin Freeman plays the leader. Liko, seems to handle herself really well considering all that just went down. Every week, I feel as though she’s improving, gaining more confidence, and ready to take on this lore that we’re learning more and more as the story progresses.

Favorite Villain of 2023: Kanoko, Kaya, and Shinichi Saimori from My Happy Marriage

I’ve made myself perfectly clear that when it comes to this category, I may hate the particular villain but will put them on this category if they’re truly evil enough. These three family members are that special category of rotten. Imagine you’re the main character and you have your father, step-mother, and step-sister treating you like a slave. That’s just layer one to the Saimori family. Miyo Saimori has lived this hell for nearly her whole life due to the fact that she doesn’t have supernatural powers like the rest of the family. Her actual father shunned her because of that fact. Her step-mother, Kanoko destroyed everything that belonged to Miyo’s birth mother and that brought Miyo comfort. And Kaya made it her mission to just destroy any shred of happiness Miyo comes across.

Now, you would think leaving the Saimori property at the end of episode 1 and getting engaged to someone would have ended the Saimori hell. No, it didn’t. Papa Saimori is still doing some shady dealings behind the scenes. And when Kanoko and Kaya learned that Miyo was happy living with Lord Kudou, they took it upon themselves to kidnap Miyo off the street, hold her captive in a shack, and beat her until she gives up her happiness with Kiyoka. I know at this point it felt like it was adding more fuel to the shock-value fire and in many ways, it was overkill. I’ll admit, it was. And I still hate these people. I know I should hate Eren Yeager more or Tetta Kisaki or even that guy who harmed Ai Hoshino. But this is my 2023 choice and I can’t see anyone else top…

YOU! Okay, hold my wig! Imma smack this bitch down!

Favorite Video Game Character of 2023: Bowser

From what? Nearly anything this year. And any other year for that matter! Every now and then, I will enjoy the shenanigans from that giant green lizard. Take your pick. Super Mario Wonder and RPG came out this year giving us some fun moments. Particularly with RPG where he kisses Mario, has nearly the best expressions of the game, and just proves to be the best bad-ass. Hell, even replaying some of my older titles from SNES and some Switch titles like Golf and Mario Party, he’s still the life of the party. And let’s not forget his big screen debut where Jack Black does the role justice. I knew he was going to be the best part of that film. Was I right? Fuck to the yeah, I was.

Jack Black is that awesome!

Favorite Game of 2023: …

I’ve had an interesting year when it comes to playing games. Earlier this year, I hit the nostalgia button by going backwards in game consoles. For several months, I found myself playing the following Pokemon games; Emerald, Platinum, HeartGold, and Black. Don’t judge, every now and then I will want this nostalgia where I play old Pokemon games while blasting some jazz music that used to play on the Weather Channel. Don’t we all? I know what you must be thinking.

But Medea, why those games? The window for getting event pokemon has closed eons ago. And unless you’re a genius with tools, you can’t change the clock battery on those GBA games.

Yeah, I know and don’t care. Emerald has the best pokemon and OST. Platinum and Black were guilty pleasures. And HeartGold, nay EVERY gen 2 game is my favorite!

It wasn’t until the middle of the year where I ventured onto a franchise I never played before and had fun with two of their games. One of them was released this year and the other was released in 2021. My favorite is the latter.

Story of Seasons – Pioneers of Olive Town

Yes, I love A Wonderful Life. I just happened to really like the other one just a smidge better. I think it’s because I feel like I have more time in Olive Town than Forgotten Valley. AWL has only 10 days a month while POOT has 28. Imagine what I learned after 40 days and you’re in the new year. That’s a death I’m still not over. I think it’s also because of some of the game mechanics and things you can do and get that kinda won me over. There’s a little more freedom when it comes to planting and animal care in Olive Town that I think I’ve come to appreciate a little more.

So…yeah. That’s my one not 2023 mention in this entry.

Final note for this entry: Iori is best boy of POOT and Nami is best everything in AWL.

Favorite Het Couple of 2023: Sylphiette x Rudeus Greyrat from Mushoku Tensei

Spoiler warning for this entry. Skip ahead if you’re not currently caught up with Mushoku Tensei. This is your only warning.

Never mind the spoilers of Rudeus’s love life and all of the drama that went down last season between him and Eris. This here was my OTP. I was a supporter of this from the get-go and in a preliminary move, called Eris a bitchy she-beast that Rudeus would never have interest in. Ha! Silly 2021 Medea and her silly thoughts. Well, time makes fools of us all and we wound up watching Rudeus get ditched. After that, he makes a detour at Lake Flaccid. A wonderful limbo where all you can do is play with two deflated blue balls. I am making absolutely no sense here, am I?

During the limp dick arc, Rudeus enters a magic academy where he meets a certain student that ended up reigniting that fire in his pants he sorely needed. Confusingly, though. Yeah, Rudy-boy thought for a second that he fell for another boy. But what Rudeus doesn’t know is that this is a girl and not just any girl, IT’S SYLPH! I and I’m pretty sure a multitude of fans were screaming at the top of their lungs every time these two were together during an episode. Yes, I just love seeing these two together after so many years away from each other. But Rudeus doesn’t know that’s her and Sylph is staying quiet. Eventually, these two officially reunite and Sylph even goes the extra mile to cure Rudeus’s erectile dysfunction. And after a night of passion and dick-curing, they’re engaged. I don’t care how disgustingly fucked it was to get to this point, a win is a win.

Favorite Yuri Couple of 2023: Hime Shiraki x Mitsuki Yano from Yuri is my Job!

It’s in the title. Was it my favorite ship of the year? Far from it. It’s just that this was the only Yuri couple I saw this year and, well, if the category fits. Plus, I’m not supporting the other ship that came from this title. Mitsuki and Yano were good friends years ago. But there was a falling out from them due to a misunderstanding. Now they’re in high school and they end up meeting each other again under strange circumstances. They are both employed at a café that’s heavy into acting like a Yuri-based, high school manga. Seriously, this is literally lesbian Ouran here. I’m glad these two are becoming friends again. Will it evolve into something more? Mitsuki’s blushing is a good indicator.

Favorite Yaoi Couple of 2023: Shuumei Sasaki x Yoshikazu Miyano from Sasaki to Miyano

Hey, two years in a row! Yeah, Sasaki to Miyano returned again this year with a movie. And just like last time, I was filled with the bubblies watching them again. Everyone was excited for the return of this wholesome couple, especially Crunchyroll and Kinokuniya. Probably to market the anime and manga, I guess! I have to give this story a lot of credit here as there’s talk of others accepting Sasaki and Miyano’s relationship for what it is including their friends, classmates, and even family members. Let’s not forget that while there are anime out there with gay couples, Japan (the country these stories come out of) are not too liberal about that. While not as extreme as places like Russia or Saudi Arabia, they’re also not cool with it like the U.S.

Fandom That You Didn’t Expect to Get Into: Pokemon Horizons

Yes, like everyone else who was attached to the original Pokemon anime, I was skeptical about this direction we were taking. The story of Ash and Pikachu was being retired and all of the characters and their pokemon we’ve all grown to love over the past 25 years were no longer going to be featured week to week. At least I got to see my baby Tracey one more time.

Moving onto Horizons, it was a nice change of pace to see new characters, a different kind of adventure that doesn’t revolve around winning gym badges, following not just Liko and Roy but older characters like Mollie and Friede, new villains not affiliated with Team Rocket, and a female heroine. Yes, I know Roy is there but…come on, she’s the first person we meet. We meet like six other main characters before Roy! There is so much mystery and intrigue when it comes to nearly every character on this show that I really wish Ash and his companions got more fleshed out during their time. Well, that’s why we have fanfics.

Fandom That Made An Unexpected Comeback: Rurouni Kenshin

Oro?

Did I expect a return of this 1990s classic? No, but I will happily take it. ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM ASIDE! Yes, I’m not going to sit here and deny what the creator of Rurouni Kenshin did. I really thought he deserved a harsher punishment than what he got, but that’s life unfortunately. And don’t cast stones that I’m watching something made by a convicted cum-bucket. Most of you will still sit there and watch the old episodes of Rick and Morty or Ren and Stimpy and those creators did horrendous things too. You ain’t squeaky clean!

Moving on! When executed correctly, a reboot can capture the audience of old and new fans. First of all, the animation is stupendous. They’re done by the same studio that did Tokyo Revengers and Cells at Work: Code Black. The music is wonderful, especially the opening and ending themes. And best of all, they’re sticking to the manga adaptation compared to the original series. No disrespect to the original, but you all have to admit that after the Kyoto arc, it all went straight to Hell. Especially after Studio Deen took over! As of this date, I’m hoping for a second season, for people to not cast judgement on the people who work on this (creator excluded), and that the series continues to go in this positive direction.

Fandom That Inspired the Most Crack: The 100 Girlfriends Who Really, Really, Really, Really, Really Love You

Every week watching this anime, I am mouth-on-the-floor. Is this another one of those borderline-hentai series that I’ve been throwing on this list every other year. No, it’s a harem. But not just any other harem anime. In the same year as Rent-A-Girlfriend’s 3rd season and in the same fucking anime season as the second season to Girlfriend, Girlfriend, we get an anime of a boy who is pre-destined to have 100 girlfriends. No fucking shit, 100 girlfriends! Rentaro has blown both Kazuya and Naoya out of the water and onto some jagged rocks.

Obviously, we’re not going to get the full 100 girlfriends any time soon. Hell, the season will probably end at 13 episodes with the same number we’re at as I’m writing this (which is 5). Still more than Naoya and Kazuya. Rentaro’s girlfriends consist of a curvaceous pink-haired girl with vivid sexual fantasies, a blonde tsundere with a flat-chest, a petite girl who communicates through a book on her phone, a girl we’re pretty sure she’s not a robot despite her name being Nano Eiai, and a confusing cluster-fuck that loves drugs and can change from a loli to a Tits-Mcgee in seconds. And all 5 end up doing more than just kissing and holding hands. ARE WE REALLY SURE THIS ISN’T A HENTAI?!

There’s also a vice principal that French kisses any student that runs down the halls and is voiced by Orochimaru.

ARE WE REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SURE THIS ISN’T A HENTAI?!

Last Fandom of 2023: Tokyo Revengers – Tenjiku Arc

I know I started Tokyo Revengers at the beginning of the year. But I kept going back and forth with liking it and thinking it’s okay. Probably because of Hakkai’s family drama that did it. Or maybe the disappointment I felt when the Christmas Massacre felt like a fizzle once Mikey came in and ended Taiju’s career with one kick to the head. But then I was told to wait until this arc when shit does indeed go down.

Yeah, they’re right. I’ve been at the edge of my seat for a lot of this season. Yes, it is very clear that Takemichi is the underdog, the crybaby, the physically weakest member of the Tokyo Manji gang. His record shows that in nearly every fight up to this point. But he stands his ground against all odds and over 300 grunts Izana and Kisaki can throw at him. I’ve often referred to Takemichi as Homer Simpson in the episode “The Homer They Fall”. You can punch him, kick him, and even shoot him in the foot. He’s still standing. And it’s not easy when the top men of Toman are out of commission due to death in the family or got severely injured. It’s a shame every week I’m enjoying myself so much that as soon as I start hearing, “SAY MY NAME” I get pissed. And then I jam out because once again, the ED theme is a banger.

[brewedblooms]

a eulogy that no one asked for.

How do you think a twelve year old would define a crush?

The word "love" for a twelve year old, whose socks are mostly mismatched, is a word to describe a familial affection or a kiss Snow White received to wake her up from food poisoning. While a "crush" is not too much, no exaggeration. A twelve year old me would define a crush as thinking your chest is way too small for your jumping heart every time the tip of his hair is visible among the crowd. Filling any empty space on your notebooks with hearts, and his initials, paired with your initials. Screaming at your parents to buy the green t-shirt from man section at the department store because you swore you saw him with the same exact one the other day. Paddling out your bike one afternoon 20 minutes away from your neighborhood only to see how his house looks like. Everything is your first time, everything makes you nauseous.

I had my first silly, twelve year old non-sense crush with the nicest kid at school. Man, I was lucky. He never been a jerk about it, though everybody would make fun of me. He texted back, he waved from across the soccer field, he said hi. It was pretty delicate, one single blow would probably traumatize me for as long I could remember because the whole process was there for me to learn. I began to "see" my reflection on the mirror, and Nikka Costa's First Love was my ultimate anthem. Everybody remembers their first crushes, and I definitely kept mine like it's an aged collectible—so precious, but since it's for a safekeeping I don't go back to it ever again. For years, and years, I never thought of that nice little boy in 6th grade who once gave me his water when I forgot to bring mine.

Until his obituary appears.

At this age, it is both an extreme optimism and being realistic to think it's still early to ponder about death. It could also be a false assumption, of course, because death occurs all the time in no chronological order. There are days where I could find myself thinking about deaths and its instruments—the afterlife, or the ones who get left behind—more than usual. The funny yet vicious thing is no matter how often you ponder about death or you definitely have the knowledge that every single living thing will eventually be buried underneath the earth, when it happens it's always caught you off guard. Too sudden, too soon. A sickly dark surprise no one seems aware of. Then, sometimes, the death of those people whose presence somehow leaves a mark in the timeline of your life, be it big or just a little dot, puts you in such confusion—Do I have the right to grieve? Do I have to mourn? Should I go to the funeral? I do feel something but I can't quite describe it. I was stunned. And of course I'm in no place to write a eulogy because we were practically strangers despite the fact that I have two diaries from when I was younger filled with scribbles about him. After all, I made up my mind, and I think I'm allowed to eulogize his twelve year old self version—the one that I used to know by heart.

I woke up this morning seeing they began to put your picture everywhere on social media—they mourned, though it was obvious most of them hadn't heard from you for quite awhile. I sent a prayer on your way last night, though it took me some time to process the news. I secretly hoped that you had grown into a decent human being, was an amazing father to your child, and your wife used to be the luckiest woman in the world. I prayed that your shadow would encourage them to get on their lives on ease, because the life you used to lead was glimmering with faith and love.

When he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine, that all the world will be in love with night, and pay no worship to the garish sun. — William Shakespeare; Romeo and Juliet

[casspurrjoybell-26]

Made of Steele - Chapter 5

*Warning: Adult Content*

As the day went on, everywhere I went, there Kit would be.

It was almost like I was stalking him but it was all coincidental when I would either walk into him in the hall or step into a room and he'd be there, like wherever I went, like a magnet, there he would be.

I was now extremely self-aware of the fact that of how much I was anxious yet happy to run into him, like a girl crushing on you, I could not ignore how aware I now was of him, my eyes always finding him in the crowded of places.

It was exhausting, I didn't know what to do about it.

I just broke up with my girlfriend and now I'm gay for some guy?

That can't be it.

There had to be some reason I felt this way around him, I wasn't necessarily attracted to him, nor did I ever think about what it'd be like to kiss him, when I did kiss him, I did not even know why I did it.

Kit was attractive, yet he didn't know it or he was being ignorant about it to make others comfortable, he was friendly with each student who went up to him, freshmen to senior, he treated them all the same.

The more I watched him, the less I didn't dislike him, despite still finding him annoying from how much he tried to be friendly with me the first few days he started, like I was his friend or something.

Now I just see that is who he is, he's easy-going and like this to everyone, so the big question remains... Why did he try to kiss me earlier?

That was what he was trying to do and honestly, thinking back now I don't think I would have minded if he did kiss me back, out of curiosity or simply because he liked me or something.

Thinking about other men fancying me made me somewhat uncomfortable, I know I was 'attractive' in the eyes of others, being a mixed kid, I had slightly darker skin because of my mom and my dad's dark eyes and long eyelashes.

Seriously, I didn't like focusing on looks too much, even now as a senior where everyone else is obsessed with looking good and social media, I was one of few that just couldn't be bothered by any of it.

Sometimes I felt like I was an outsider compared to people my age, I know I didn't have a normal upbringing, my parents were protective and taught me early about the world, although back then I was just a brat and hated how different I was to other kids, now I understood why they did what they did.

Still, being normal was all I wanted in life, so this 'thing' with Kit is completely shaking my world and I don't know which way is up anymore.

My last class had ended and once I made it out the doors to the carpark, I see him.

Kit was smoking near a motorbike without a care in the world, despite smoking on school grounds and I had to admit, looking at him in a weather jacket and pants in this hot weather, was impressive.

He looked kind of cool, too.

My car was parked near his and unfortunately, he saw me just as he put his cigarette out as I was walking over to where he was, his eyes following me, making me feel uneasy as I unlocked my car.

Do I say something to him?

What would I even say?

I opened my car door but didn't get in, it was like my body was taking control again, despite my mind working in overdrive trying to figure out the best way I can talk to him, without coming off weird.

"You smoke," I dumbly said, wanting to punch myself in the face as soon as the words slipped out.

I heard him chuckle as I turned around and looked at him to see him grinning at me.

"Busted."

"You going to tell on me, Jamie?"

His voice was low and his eyes never left mine.

My hands were starting to sweat and my heartbeat had risen again and just because he said my name, I suddenly had a thought.

I wondered what it would be like to kiss someone after they just smoked.

It was a disgusting habit, yet something about it felt dirty and seductive when it was coming from Kit, an already popular and good-looking guy, who now rides a motorbike, like how could anyone just not agree with me?

"No."

I wanted to talk to him more,but I didn't know how to say it, without sounding like I was just like the girls asking him for his number or if he had a girlfriend.

"Did you think about it?" Kit asked and I flinched when he moved away from his motorbike, to stand closer to me.

Did I... it was all I thought about and truthfully, without shame or embarrassment, I came to an answer.

"I don't regret what I did," I said, as he smiled down at me.

"Me neither," he said lowly, his eyes slowly trailing down to my lips, then back to my eyes. "In fact, I think you could do better, Jamie."

He leaned forward, until his cheek touched mine and his mouth was near my ear, I could smell the cigarette smoke coming off him, mixed with the nice scent of his aftershave.

"What are you doing right now?" he asks, whispering in my ear as I swallow hard.

Fuck, what was he trying to do right now?

And why did it like I was breaking some law just by talking to him like this, close to me and knowingly flirting with him in the parking lot of school.

I didn't need to look down to know I was starting to get turned on, not remembering the last time I was intimate with Hannah and now with Kit this close, it was impossible to control my sexual needs.

The next words that came out of my mouth surprised me, given how I have never even been this blunt with Hannah when it came to flirting.

"Something with you."

"Something?" he grinned, moving away from my ear. "I need more than that, Jamie."

'More?'

He wanted me to say it?

When even I did not know what I wanted, as I have never done something as crazy as this before, especially with a guy who was two to three years older than me.

"Don't be annoying."

Kit laughed and then shook his head before putting on his black helmet and getting onto his bike next to my car, then he turned it on and slowly, moved his head to look at me.

"Where we are going, your place or mine?" he asked under the helmet, as I swallowed the dryness in my throat.

I couldn't risk my dad finding out about this, from the mountains of security cameras on the property, he'd find out exactly what I was up to before I even decided what I was about to do next.

That was never going to happen.

"Yours."

He nodded his head and I got into my car and once I was fasted in, Kit drove out of the parking lot and I followed behind him, my palms soaking and my heart pounding against my chest, a thousand different thoughts running through my head.

I was seriously following him, knowing exactly what the outcome could be.

Not only was I about to hook up with a guy but a sub teacher who, three days ago, annoyed me so much that I wanted to kick a ball into his face at full force, yet look at me now.

Was Kit even gay?

There were no women or even a hint of a girlfriend from his social media, nor was there any proof to see if he was gay or seeing anyone, he let himself be seen but only on his terms.

I knew this was crazy, I didn't know anything about him other than he was a sub in training and I was pretty sure he knew about me and who exactly I was, there wasn't a man, woman or child who didn't know the name of Steele.

After driving for almost ten minutes, Kit pulled in to a High-rise apartment complex and once I follow him in and park my car near his, I start to get nervous as I turn off the car and unbuckle my seatbelt.

Kit had gotten off his bike and taken off his helmet by the time I got out of the car and now that we were off school grounds, it was like the air shifted between us, it was like all these things I were feeling had room to release.

When Kit reached out and took my hand in his, I didn't have time to think as he tugged me along with him to where the entrance to the building was, in the parking lot.

The elevator opened and we both got inside, there was just the two of us and once the doors closed, the thick air between us worsened, no longer given the advantage to ignore it anymore as we looked at each other.

I stepped forward, my hand still in his as I leaned forward, none of us saying a word, Kit's eyes never left mine as I closed the space between us and used my free hand to touch the back of his neck.

I kissed him and Kit kissed me back.

Something inside me unleashed as I pressed my lips, deepening the kiss as I held his head in my hand, our lips healingly smacking against each other's, hungrily, almost urgently as his free hand went around my back.

When the elevator stopped and the doors opened, we pulled away from each other and almost like I was drunk, I grabbed hold of Kit and together we left the elevator and when the doors closed behind us, Kit led me to where his apartment was.

I knew what this was and I knew that if I went inside his apartment now, there was no going back to who ever I was before.

Kit unlocked his door and for a split second, after he went inside, his hand still on mine as I stood in the doorway, I took a deep breath and looked at him in the eye and took the first big step, terrified, excited but most of all, hungry to see where this goes. 

[astrowonder98]

Turning 25, and about time for a quarter-life crisis.

What a mess social media has found itself in. Facebook and Twitter are either seen as a joke or in disrepair, Places like DeviantART want to experiment with AI art and it has hindered the site, and no one is in a prime position to take over and be the new place we can all hang out. The internet is going though a major painful metamorphosis and I am not sure how to feel about it... cause who the heck knows the result? Not me!

It's probably a fitting time as ever. This month will mark the big 25 (specifically July 7th, give Ringo Starr my birthday cheer, too.) and I have been doing a lot of thinking in my life about what I want to do and how I can do it while still being able to survive. And the honest to goodness fact is that I haven't come up with any answers, at least not any good answers that I can work with.

I'm going to try and make my thoughts on what is going on with me as simple as possible.

I've worked in the same dead end part-time job for the past two years. It's above minimum wage, sure, but it's not a living wage either. It's also a highly physical job. Most of the time I'm in the parking lot outside. In the burning sun. Lifting heavy objects and pushing carts. Despite it being part-time, I feel wiped out after the fact and not want to do anything else. This has frustrated people who wonder why this can possibly happen (my workplace and a couple of my close family.) The only reason I am still here at this point is because I need the healthcare.

In spite of a degree in Computer Science, virtually every application sent with using it in mind has never been acted upon, not even getting to the interview phase. Just rejected. What's ironic is that applications sent to other retail places have gotten quick responses back. People look at my resume with my degree and see more readily a sales representative than a software developer and it doesn't make me feel great...

All of this culminates in coming back home without feeling a thing. Completely emotionless. I'm in therapy for this, but it's been a slow progress to get to this point. And unless I do something drastic I might be stuck in a loop for a while longer, which stinks.

It was a mistake thinking that making art and creating stuff for people to enjoy would do anything to change that and hoping, somehow, it could turn into an actual career. I really held out hope in this avenue but have now reached a conclusion that it will just be nothing more than a hobby I do on the side. The fact that any original material (Always Lagging Behind, Rocket Board, and other original character art) I've created has gotten less attention and praise than fanart does not help in me reaching this conclusion (especially with my involvement in Pokemon Mystery Dungeons and Dragons: Dark Heroes.)

By extension, I accidentally made things I like to do for fun or should be relaxing as work I must do, and that's just not good for my mind, let alone anyone's mind. It's probably why I don't feel happy when trying to relax and try to enjoy things, but it also might be more complicated than that...

All of this has made me reach this conclusion: I need to make a change immediately. There are a number of things I'll be doing, but here are three things that are relevant to the internet world specifically:

Howie's Convenience - Clean Up After Yourself! will continue as I planned before making this... post? monologue? snapping point? I'll let you pick. I will pick the voices for the characters in late July, record with the cast, and then animate the thing whenever I get a chance to do so when I'm not doing whatever I can do get myself out of this hole I dug.

I'm now only going to use social media to post things I want to post. That's it. No looking at what everyone else is doing and liking and sharing.

Twitter and YouTube are now considered cold turkeys. YouTube will only be used for when I'm uploading something to the site. My Twitter accounts will just not be used altogether and will be closed July 31st.

I know those of you who care about what I do might find it very sudden. It honestly is. I have a bad habit of putting things off on most days and then somehow finding the will in me to actually make a drastic step to change my life. With how I worded some of this stuff, you might come to the conclusion that I hate my audience or other people for just liking what they do and they don't match up with what I want them to like. I do not. I hate myself for even wanting to humor that notion. It's not my fault people just have different tastes and likes. It just means I should just keep drawing what I like in that moment and be proud of what I make.

I'll keep posting here on Tumblr to keep you updated on that Howie's Convenience project I've only just now told you about on this site (another bad habit) but for the most part, consider this post as me acknowledging the mistakes I've made and doing what I can to get out of it.

I'll be seeing you around.

Erin Strouder (HeyStrouder/AstroWonder98)