#despite being such a dick in the first couple movies he was in HAHA

[akascow]

i havent talked about him on here yet but strahm immediately became my 2nd favorite saw character the second he shoved a pen into his throat lmfao

[llycaons]

good news, I've been cancelled again so I don't have to work and I'm going back to that author who wrote an enthralling comedy about jzx trying to set up wwx with nmj (here) and I've just read their fic about a demon wwx trying to romance a mortal lwj without knowing that much about how humans work, despite watching a lot of demon porn about humans. just really silly and off the wall. they nail lwj being kind of a weirdo and this makes him really compatible with non-human wwx. based on the title you'd think there are weird sex things going on but it's actually rated just T. nhs is great and there's a ton of really funny family stuff too. unfortunately the other main couple is jgy/lxc 😔. link here. excerpts below

fully supportive and one hundred percent interested. Lan Wangji, who is not interested in very many things, finds this habit of his brother alien and faintly disturbing.

this is EXACTLY what it's like though. I feel so seen.

Since he watched Wei Wuxian vanish into thin air mere hours ago, he has received precisely three texts, all sent within seconds of each other: just went to the bathroom haha quick trip to the grocery store, back soon i love u xx

yeah, right. lol

Today is no different: he has already announced that later, he’ll be taking Lan Wangji to the cinema. Lan Wangji has never been to the cinema, so he is looking forward to it.

lwj has never been to the movies??? 2. they're so out of touch with modern slang that they both say 'cinema'

“Forgive me,” he says, “but have you not been dating for – what was it, five months?” “Four,” Wei Wuxian says triumphantly. What he is triumphing over, Meng Yao dares not guess. Five years, he thinks. It’s been five years [for himself and Lan Xichen]. And then, like he can read his thoughts, Wei Wuxian stops ghosting soft kisses over Lan Wangji’s upturned palm for long enough to look at Meng Yao and says, “Don’t let us make you feel bad! I guess true love just moves a little faster. Right, Lan Zhan?”

WHAT A DICK MOVE. god I love him

Lan Wangji is a model. That doesn’t sound like a real job to Jiang Cheng, but it seems to pay the bills well enough. That’s good. Wei Wuxian should have someone who can afford his flimsy lifestyle. Of course, being rich and handsome means that it makes no sense for Lan Wangji to settle for Wei Wuxian in the first place, and probably Wei Wuxian will return to Hell with his heart broken and his spirit crushed soon enough, but until then, at least he has someone who will buy him like, karaoke machines or whatever else he likes.

jc's classic pessimisn mixed with his canon-accurate low opinion of wwx's worth as a partner. love it

But he’s not actually met him since that one time he tried to intimidate him through mirror magic which, to be honest, is not a great starter to a good relationship between brothers-in-law. He knows this because his sister has stated it numerous times.

I WISH jyl showed up in this one she sounds great. jc and wwx are fabulously obtuse here

[youcanseethecosmos]

hi i like your dreamling actors au A LOT and i was wondering if you'd share more snippets about them 👀. mainly i would like to see more of dream falling for hob yet being more of an asshole the more he tries Not to be one, while hob is like "why does this guy keep searching me out just to be a dick wtf". idk i just like your actors au alot haha and would love to see more <3333

Hi friend! I'm so happy you love the dreamling actors au as much as I do!! And ofc I'd be more than happy to give a few snippets of Dream and Hob's lowkey one-sided enemies to tentative friends to lovers timeline.

I'll focus more on the start of the relationship here because everything else is a major spoiler for the fic hihi

Lights, Camera, Action posts: part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

Dream and Hob's first movie where they played romantic leads was, ironically enough, a queer reimagining of A Midsummer Night's Dream. I'll let you figure out which of the two main couples they played ;)

Dream said to Hob that he took to speaking in iambic pentameter really well for "someone who wasn't classically trained" and Hob took that personally

Meanwhile Dream in his mind is like "that was my best compliment i hope he appreciated that." oh Dream. sweet baby boy no...

Hob meeting Dream was a classic "never meet your heroes" kind of set up. Although he wasn't a rabid fan, he deeply admired Dream as an actor

He still admires Dream. No matter how rude Dream seemed to be, Hob couldn't say that he wasn't good at his job. As long as the cameras were rolling, he could get lost in their little world. Dream knew how to pull you in once the story starts and Hob, despite his dislike of Dream, allowed himself to be pulled in every single time

One time Dream bought donuts for the entire cast and crew of one of his movies with Hob. Whether intentional or by happenstance, Hob didn't get a donut. He knows he shouldn't be petty and upset over a single donut but he IS and he will DIE on that hill

There is a very specific incident that happens about 6 movies in with Dream that changes Hob's perspective of him (what it is Exactly is a spoiler hihi)

Hob has never seen Dream eat or drink outside of filming. Like ever. Even during supposed lunch breaks, Dream spends his time reading and/or taking a nap while leaning against the wall – standing up.

Hob would be a solid 6 minutes in a blooper reel. Dream's never forgotten a line therefore has never appeared in any blooper reel due to his own slip-up. Hob did catch him try to hide a snort behind his coat sleeve once though.

Hope that gave you a nice glimpse at dream aka most awkward man in existence who can sleep standing up like a horse and recite his lines from a script after three passges but can't tell his handsome co-star hob that he miscalculated the amount of donuts he was supposed to bring last time and he would have run all the way to the nearest dunkin' just so hob wouldnt feel left out

save him pls

[detectivemarvelingcomics]

Could you do some hcs for dating the teen titans?

Yes I can!! I just got HBO Max so I’ve been binging both the animated and the live action series haha 😂 Thank you so much for being my first request!

Also I’m guessing you’re referring to the original teen titans, so if you want the new teen titans just shoot me another request!

Dating the Teen Titans Would Include...

No Specified AU

TW: Language

Genre: Fluff

[DC Masterlist]

Word Count: 2.0K (About 0.2K per Titan)

Dick Grayson

You must have an insane amount of patience, truly, to be able to date Dick Grayson

If the joke book he probably carries around isn’t enough, I would’ve been certain that the ego would drive you away but nope you’re still here

And that’s how you both knew that it was true fucking love you’re both inseparable and the Titans know it.

To put things simply... he loves you and the Titans fear you.

While you’re both somewhat easygoing and hospitable, one would do well not to piss off one or the other because you both come as a package deal and you can kick ass when necessary you just choose not to embarrass Dick like that because you could totally outmatch him.

Don’t ask him that though he’d insist that he’d win.

Best not bring up the first time you met or else the Titans would never let him live it down

But in all seriousness, I see the relationship as rather lighthearted and enjoyable, maybe a bit spontaneous too. Want to go to the beach? Done. Want to kick some ass in Gotham? For sure. It’s like a match made in heaven.

Not to mention that the Titans rather look up to you, which is a definite plus. Not just anyone can date the Dick Grayson.

Wally West

As opposed to popular opinion... I’d think that this is a rather slow relationship. 

Speedsters are more than just familiar with how life just flashes by so I think Wally would like to enjoy the relationship at a slower pace, he wants it to last as long as possible.

With that said, you’re both menaces. His speed combined with your cleverness? No one is safe and the Titans know it.

The best moment of your relationship, although this is debatable, was when you and Wally successfully turned the Titan tower into an all-out prank minefield. Trash cans were covered with plastic, buckets of water places on doorways, even wardrobes were switched.

And all done in ten seconds, impressive. Nothing quite like starting a war in the Tower then grabbing burgers after, right?

Kind of cheesy but I can see you both having frequent movie nights that differ in genre according to month. You both probably rotate on who chooses the movie too.

Overall I think you both have a lot of fun together, if I were to compare the “vibes” to something, I would say a summer relationship (that obviously lasts longer than just a summer) where everything is just living life as it goes

Nah because like I said before you guys don’t want to rush things, and you’re always there to remind Wally to just slow down every now and then.

I should probably mention that this is a competitive relationship too, before I go, not everything’s a competition but everything’s a competition, you know? It’s a shame that the Titans often get caught in the cross fire though-

Donna Troy

Oh this one’s fun. Donna’s new to this whole “rest of the world” stuff but luckily she has a wonderful partner who’s willing to teach her everything.

A lot of the relationship consists of you explaining things, but it’s kind of endearing despite Donna’s headstrong attitude towards anything

But Donna is also the kind to be open to learning new things, and you’re open to trying new things. It works like clockwork, you’re both young and willing.

Now these “things” can range from baking cookies to extreme mountain climbing so be prepared for anything in this relationship.

Overall I think the Titans see you both as a really cute relationship, one that anyone could be slightly envious of and one that they’re glad that exists

But despite this loving relationship I think you’d both be absolute machines in a battle, I think one thing that is important to Donna is ultimately respect for each other’s abilities, having grown up on Themyscira and all, and maybe that one battle where you absolutely demolished the enemy was when she really caught interest.

Or not. It could’ve also been when you mistakenly ran into one of the glass walls in the tower and she developed a crush over you while you mumbled a series of curses.

This relationship is strongly built on loyalty, so I think you both would be describes as a pair of ride-or-dies who typically tend to lean towards the latter, especially when trying the more extreme things that Donna asked you about.

But overall I think it’s a really sweet relationship with few bumps, they’re still there but I mean that you’re both good at working through them.

Victor Stone

I feel like this relationship is very classical high school romance, you know?

Like walking to class together, holding each other’s books, stuff like that.

But on the other hand I feel like you’re both a very fun couple to be around, like you know how when you’re with some couples it feels like you’re third wheeling? Not these two. You feel like you’re part of the crew

You guys probably switch between fun couple and parent couple every now and then, I can see the Titans relying on both of you a lot for different things.

You and Victor are definitely the type to play games to determine who buys food, like things as simple as rock-paper-scissors to things as complicated as 8-Ball, and so far you’ve been winning at a ratio of 3:1.

Definitely a very trusting relationship, I feel like you both reach that comfortable stage faster than most, but it feels right, you know? I think you’d both understand that relationships go both ways.

There are probably times where you’re both in a teasing mode too, I think, but they’re mostly light hearted pranks, definitely not anything in the realm of what Wally would do

I kinda want to say that you’re a very active couple in that you both like to go to the gym together and idk take hikes together but at the same time I also want to say that you’re both inclined to stay home and play video games so I guess it’s like a 50/50

I can also see Victor being the type to do small acts of generosity as opposed to like buying gifts to show his appreciation for you, like I feel like he’s more inclined to help you with small tasks when he knows you need it, you know? Overall very cute, hehe

Raven (Rachel Roth)

Now this one’s interesting, you and Raven are certainly an interesting duo, but the most interesting thing would likely be how you met. Let’s say it involved a blood sacrifice, a bat, and a very old bicycle.

No you weren’t trying to summon her someone else was you just ended up being at the wrong place at the wrong time anyway moving on

You’re both the perfect example of opposites attract for more reasons than just one. 

But what makes it better is that you’re always open and willing to learn and understand many of the things that Raven does and she appreciates it a lot

It goes both ways also! She’s always willing to do whatever you ask her to and you both end up having at least some fun even if it happens to be something she isn’t used to.

Random, but I think a favorite pass time for both of you is simply sitting in her room and reading books, weird, I know, but like there’s something inherently romantic about either of you excitedly showing the other a certain passage you both enjoyed or telling them about your book, it’s just so sweet.

She definitely has a personal bias towards you, obviously, Garfield can say a joke and she’d stare at him with a straight face but you could say the exact same joke probably right after him and she would crack a smile and she probably does that on purpose but it still feels nice

You also may or may not have caught on to her incantations and now you may or may not be able to perform these spells but you haven’t tried because you wouldn’t know how to but it’s just telling of how much time you spent together.

I only mention this because there was an event in which you corrected her incantation and suddenly hell fire appeared which she had to figure out how to get rid of and since then you both mutually agreed to both (a) not tell the Titans and (b) not say incantations out loud

Koriand’r (Starfire)

STOP YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE anyway you’re definitely both kinds to see beauty in everything

Maybe this relationship is rather dangerous considering you’re both curious people and Kori happens to be able to shoot lasers out of her eyes so maybe you should both be just a little more careful

You’re both probably very doting on both each other and the rest of the Titans and although you’re both well intentioned it has become a case of “oh no there’s two of them” but in like a teasing way

I feel like Kori is very open to sharing a lot of aspects about her culture with you, and you have always found Tamaran culture to be beautiful so it fits

Likewise you share a lot of things about your culture too and you both bond over finding ways to combine them together to make a nice fusion of understandings and it’s all a sweet combination

See a big thing about this relationship if that you both put your everything into it, it is an equal push and equal pull kind of thing where you both love each other with everything that you have and it creates this unbreakable bond that even non-supers have come to acknowledge

Though this also results in the both of you frequently being in your own world even when others are around and that’s something you both promised to fix but yeah...

It’s coming around, don’t worry. You’re both making active efforts but sometimes it just slips your mind and whoops

Now this should go without saying but this trust often leads to powerful combinations when in missions, you’re both fiercely loyal to each other and this often plays in overall favor so all is well

Garfield Logan

This is a fun relationship, definitely, and one that’s also very fulfilling.

You’re both definitely an outdoorsy couple, things like hikes, nature walks (which I guess is also a hike but I’ve been told otherwise), trips to the zoo, etc. but this all just builds the relationship

Also a very sweet one! You both have an unlimited amount of energy and love that you’re often expending said energy volunteering somewhere and helping others out

But when it boils down you’re both also very touchy, I think, you both like being together at all times and cuddles are a frequent occurrence but at the will of the other Titans you both do this in privacy

I also feel like this sweetness can also “flip,” so to say. As in if someone messes with either of you in the relationship the other will come running regardless of whether or not they could do anything about it.

To put it short, you both have each other’s back all the time. Literally, like I said you’re both inseparable. 

Despite these I think the relationship would actually be rather lowkey, I don’t think he would be the type to constantly showcase the relationship. I think he’d mention it like once to get it out there but after that he wouldn’t flaunt you around.

I just think that Garfield, even with his usual out and about behavior, is rather modest when it comes to this topic because you’re more to him than just someone to show off, you’re someone who’s important to him and overall he just wants you to be comfortable

If there’s one flaw in this relationship it’s that when you have arguments it’s just horrible, but also rather comedic. Neither of you talk to the other but you both end up still being in the same room together subconsciously. It’s kind of awkward but the coincidences are what makes the other Titans laugh and honestly you both make up within, like, a day or something.

[variousqueerthings]

Favourite Horror Tv Shows (Unranked)

The Haunting Of Hill House 

You want trauma in your ghosts? You want plottwists and time shenanigans? You want excruciatingly beautifully shot episodes? You want m o n o l o g u e s ! Family drama! Shirley Jackson with a twist?

I’m someone who generally loves Mike Flanagan’s work, because he’s not particularly pretentious about it. He clearly just loves horror as a metaphor for grief and trauma in particular, and also his wife Kate Siegel, and I think that’s sexy of him. 

This is definitely my favourite out of everything he’s made though, movies included. 

The Exorcist

Underrated! Wonderful! Queer! It’s unfortunate that this show was so misjudged that it didn’t reach the audience that it would have thrived under. I imagine a bunch of angry edgy fanboys wouldn’t be too happy with queer priests (amongst others) and feminist horror. 

Geena Davies in season 1. John Cho and Brianna Hildebrand in season 2. And the leads (Marcus and Tomas) are the version of partners-in-crime (sometimes literally crime) who pine for each other that for once isn’t grounded in no homo. 

The tenderness of affixing someone’s priest collar 🥺

(they get this close the first time they meet. this is their first meeting).

Buffy The Vampire Slayer

The Classic! Created so many tropes! And, despite J*ss Wh*d*n being a dick, full of women who are played by wonderful, talented actresses, and who get (for the most part) interesting, harrowing, fulfilling, varied narratives. 

I really didn’t see a genre show with this many female leads again until... I wanna throw out a year like 2015-2016. And even then, this one breaks the mold in terms of sheer accessibility and fun and inventiveness!

Sarah Michelle Gellar is an icon. This is her show!

Santa Clarita Diet

You know that post that’s like: My favourite “het” couples in film are actually bisexual. You know when a woman is unhinged and her husband is simply there to assist her in that goal? You love domestic serial killers? Zombies with-a-twist? Drew Barrymore and Timothy Olyphant being married? 

Literally what’s not to love? Sometimes your spouse becomes a zombie and because you love her, you’re going to help find the right victims (usually nazis) and hide the bodies. I don’t even like the idea of marriage, but if this is what it’s about, I finally get it!

Twin Peaks

I feel like I’m due a rewatch of this. The tragedy of it wasn’t lost on me when I was younger, but I was definitely very caught up in the eerie dreaminess and idiosyncrasies of the characters. 

Also, I still haven’t seen Fire Walk With Me, which I feel would help to recenter the whole narrative where it rightfully belongs: With Laura Palmer.

It’s aesthetically so right though. It draws you in, it unsettles you, it embodies the idea of a place being alive. 

Not to mention we love Dale Cooper in this household! 

The Addams Family

Okay before there were any other married couples, there was Morticia and Gomez Addams. 

This show is so funny - so many of the gags you see in the later movies that are also still hilarious are directly from the original show. 

I’ve got no ability to say how this was appreciated in the 60s, but considering it only had two seasons I feel like Not Enough. 

Somethingsomething ahead of its time, very subversive, Gomez Addams is Sean Astin’s stepfather, which feels important to me.

The Twilight Zone 

Speaking of ahead-of-its-time right? 

This show is everything! It has everything! It’s fantastic writing! It’s gorgeous set-up-and-pay-off! It’s political! It’s spooky! It’s anthology! It’s classic! It’s wild to me that its first season was in 1959, but it was a time of change and this fits perfectly into that push against all kinds of sensibilities and norms, both within Hollywood and America beyond.

Rod Sterling was a masterclass writer and anyone interested in the strange and unusual, but also just in good stories put to screen ought to watch this. 

Seriously: The Classic!

Hannibal

The joke I was going to make was “haha look I chose a gif for this show that’s less about Cannibalism and more about how gay these two are,” but honestly a large proportion of the gifs are about how gay these two are, and isn’t the show really a gay dramedy when you get down to it? 

The inverse Pushing Daisies, the continuation of Bryan Fuller’s perfect career of making beloved - and then cancelled - shows (Wonderfalls, Dead Like Me, Pushing Daisies, Hannibal... what next?) and my personal favourite of the bunch, because I love gothic gay idiots.

Chucky

I’ve seen the first 4 episodes. I love the film franchise (me, having watched the Child’s Play Verse films in the last two months, clutching them to my chest and hissing like a cat). 

It is more enjoyable if you watch the movies first, since it situates itself in an already-established verse and narrative, but it’s a fascinatingly built world that - because of its continued story through the last 30 years - feels very congruent to its own internal wacky laws. 

It also has queerness baked into its bones and I’m fascinated by how it’ll delve further into that legacy now that it’s become more possible to be direct about it. 

[i-growl-growl-growl]

Could you do a Yandere nct reaction to how would be the first kiss with their s/o

—————————————————————————-

I took over and finished this one.

~Ahreum Rhea

—————————————————————————-

Taeil: “Jagiya, you didn’t flinch away this time! That means you get to have a reward, isn’t that nice? See? When you do good and please me, you’ll be rewarded. I rather enjoyed that kiss- I think I’ll have another grabs you by your waist and steals a deep and longer kiss. Ahh, that hit the spot. Wouldn’t you agree..?”

Taeyong: “I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist for too long. Surprisingly, you’ve been able to go far longer than any other girl- that’s one of the things I like about you despite it being irritating as fuck. Nothing a good punishment couldn’t handle, but I digress. Most girls would’ve been on my dick the first night, but you aren’t most girls, though. That’s why you’re my kitten and mine alone. No one else will ever have you.”

Johnny: “Mmm, you’re a better kisser than I thought, y/n, that was pretty damn good. You don’t practice with anyone do you? Good, because your lips don’t need to touch some low life punk who just wants to get his dick wet. You’re too good for that. Trust me, y/n, there are way too many guys out there like that. You don’t have to worry about that with me, I’ll keep my little one safe from all harm forehead/ head kiss.” 

Yuta: “Mm you taste so sweet, babe. I could just eat you up- if you’re good that is he licks up your neck ; ). I’m kidding! Sorta. Lets go for a french kiss next! I wanna taste you some more. Maybe I will just eat you up after all pulls you close. I’d love to just bend you over this counter and fuck your brains out, though. Hmm, maybe later…”

Kun: “Lovely, just like you. Sweet, innocent, cute, and warm. That’s you, y/n. I’m glad to be sharing this moment with you. Pulls you close I can’t imagine you falling into someone else’s hands, only to have your heart torn apart. I would never allow such a thing. For you to be hurt, I mean. Anyways, why don’y you move in with me? It’ll be great, you’ll see..”  

Doyoung: “I was waiting for the moment when you’d want to kiss me. I was almost worried that you’d chosen someone else…Hm? Yeah, I’m fine, I’m just happy is all. What did you want to ask me? You want to be my gf? Really? I’m glad you asked! I’d be the happiest man in the world!”

Ten: “Fine like wine, y/n. You’re a damn good kisser! Its about time you came around, I was seriously starting to think you liked Taeyoung- I know how often you two talk. No? Good then. Be my girlfriend and kiss me again, ok? I don’t believe that you really want me all to yourself yet.” 

Jaehyun: “Took longer than I expected, but it was worth the wait since it’s you. It’s a small step forward in the right direction and I expect to receive more kisses from now on, understand? That’s why you’re mine, babygirl. To love me and let me love you back. Other women wish they could be in your place. As a reward, you can sit on me lap and kiss me more.”

WinWin: “Honestly, everyday I wonder how I became so lucky as to have you right here with me. Despite having to keep you locked up, you still gave me a kiss willingly. That just proves that you love me, y/n. I’m glad you realize that now. Maybe we can finally be the perfect couple that I’ve dreamed of us being.”

Jungwoo: As he pulls back looking into your eyes “you’ve got the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen, and I see myself in them. You’re the only one I want and I’m sure. What I felt just now proves that my heart wasn’t lying and I know you felt it too. I’m glad we can finally be together now. Lets go ho- to my place, I mean..I-it’s getting late.” 

Lucas: Smirk “Wow, babe. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were waiting for that kiss just as long as I was. Why are you being so affectionate all of a sudden? Has my baby gotten needy for daddy?? Good! You deserve a reward, for that, babygirl. I’ll give you pleasure beyond your imagination bites lip.” 

Mark: “Mmm chuckles as he pulls back your kiss is heart warming..you make me feel things I’ve never felt before. You’ve had my heart for a while now, but I want yours. I knew I wanted you from the moment I saw you but now I want something more. Grabs your hand and pulls you close Be my gf, y/n.” 

Xiaojun: Is silent for a moment as he stares into your eyes, a soft look in his own. He gently brushes your cheek with the back of his hand, seemingly mesmerized. “Y/n, no one has ever kissed me before. That was..very nice. It’s getting dark, why don’t we go to my place and watch movies? Maybe we could do this again. Of course I’ll be your bf- I’ve been waiting for this moment..” (girl/boy, run). 

 Hendery: Smirks “you know, I was gonna torture you if you didn’t kiss me soon, right? It’s a good thing you decided when you did or else our first kiss would have been bloody. Oh no, don’t be scared- you’ve done exactly what I wanted you to do. Now you’ll get a reward! Your family and friends are off limits, but maybe I’ll take you out on a little date for a few hours. Give me another kiss, maybe I’ll do it.”

RenJun: “It’s about time! I was waiting so long for this I thought I’d have to make you kiss me. Though it’s not nearly as much affection as I would like, I’m not gonna spoil the moment. In fact, I’ll return the favor by giving you a glimpse of what’s to come pulls you close with one hand at your lower back and the other supporting your neck, giving you a long and deep kiss that makes you weak in the knees. That’s how I like it he whispers.”

Jeno: “Mm, that was wonderful, y/n, and you did it all by yourself! I’m glad you’ve finally decided to come around and kiss me. I won’t push you to go any farther with how good you’ve been but you need to do is keep it up, alright? Since you’ve been so good, I’ll let you pick out the movie we get to watch and I’ll order your favorite.” 

Haechan: “This is by far our best date, y/n. Not only did we have fun all day long, we also got to finish it off with kisses and cuddles- our first kiss at that! To what even better is that you’re good at it. I demand more kisses. Don’t stop until I tell you to or I’ll punish you kisses.”

Jaemin: “I don’t want this moment to end, y/n. Let’s stay together as bf and gf forever. I’ll always give you kisses and hugs whenever you need them. Just return the affection, though, ok? I don’t want things to turn…aggressive. Oh, and I don’t share- you’re mine and mine alone, so delete y/f/n number. I don’t want you talking to him. I mean it..”

Yangyang: “Hmm, that was too good. You kiss as if you’ve done this before. Oh, you have? With who? Seriously, him? You won’t be seeing him anymore, y/n. I’m the only one you’ll ever kiss and, if I find out you’ve touched someone else or let them touch you, I’ll strangle them with my bare hands. I might just make you watch, haha!”

Chenle: “Wah, you’re a good kisser. You must have had practice, huh? No? You sure? Good, cuzz I was gonna say I’d have to deal with someone if they’ve ever kissed you. Only I can do that. You’re mine and mine only, and I’m yours, got it?” 

(The bunny is so cute I- afggrjgnakgje)

Jisung: “Aww, Jagiya, that was so cute, you tried so hard haha. Was it your first kiss? That’s good, I’m glad to be your first. Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it cuzz I’ll teach you every chance I get and, luckily for you, I’m the best kisser ; ). Ah, jagiya, I’m never letting you go pecks.”

[ramp-it-up]

Fresh Squeeze, Chapter 7

Pairing: Daveed Diggs x OFC Linden Marshall

Set in 2023, post-pandemic

Warnings: Lots of pics, Cursing, Angsty Angst, Mention of Death, Lots of Plot, Anthony Ramos, Afro Samurai, Clothes altering, SMUT: Fingering, Thumb sucking, Fluff. 18+.

Word Count: 6.6 K 

Plot: Linden Marshall just finished law school at Columbia University in NYC. Daveed Diggs is still creating magic with his platonic life partner Rafael Casal and nursing his broken heart post pandemic. 

Linden’s boyfriend WAS Mark Monaco, movie star.  They were together for years, and her trauma and his addictions were chaotic. She knows now that wasn’t love. 

Read the Previous Chapter.

--------

Thursday night/Friday, May 6-7, 2023

After Daveed heard what you said, he stood stock still, trying to decide whether or not to go back into your room.  He clenched his fists and concentrated intensely to not break the fucking door down. All he needed was for you to call his name…

You stood in the middle of your room, naked except for the towel.  You closed your eyes and prayed for strength to not go running after him. You had to stay in control.  

But if you saw him turn your door handle, you would fuck him right there on the floor of your room.

After a few minutes, you both turned around and went about your business, Daveed to his room and you to the shower. You thought of Daveed in the shower and fell into bed still thinking of him. 

What did you want for your birthday, if not Daveed?

Daveed, alone in his bed, thought of all the feelings involved.  He knew you were fragile, but it seemed you were relaxing a bit, deciding to trust him if just a little.

He resolved to give a little bit of chase. You just needed to feel safe and accepted. 

You dreamt of each other so deeply that all that was left when you woke up was a wisp of a memory.

------

Daveed did not sleep long.  Even though it was after 4 o’clock when he went to sleep, he was up by 10, hard on raging under the sheets.  

He’d be damned if he jerked off, but he remembered your voice through the door of the room last night, and he had to strip the sheets away, as he was making a mess at the thought of you.  

He decided to go for a run on the beach. He pulled on some basketball shorts and decided to go shirtless, as the temperature outside was already 80 degrees.

Daveed ran with his music blasting in his ears.  He played out song lyrics and lined up preparation for upcoming roles.  Before he knew it, he was three miles down the beach from the house.

He turned around as the tropical heat and the sun was getting to be a bit much. He went back in and went to his room to shower and put some clothes on. You didn’t know the sight you were missing.

When you woke up at Noon, you pulled on Mark's t-shirt and basketball shorts and made your way to the kitchen which had floor to ceiling windows and glass doors facing the ocean. It was breathtaking. The doors were open and the ocean breeze felt amazing.

"Good morning, Sunshine!" 

You turned to see Daveed at the stove, greeting you and smiling. 

He was wearing an orange Oakland tank top and some pajama pants slung low on his hips. You smiled at his hair, which was tied up in two curly puffs at the front, with the back down in his wild curls.  

Even though it was an odd hairstyle for a grown man, you knew the curl life. And it did not take away from his masculinity.  

Not. At. All.

Besides, his curly puffs gave you a place to focus rather than on his well-muscled arms.  

Daveed’s hair reminded of when your mom did your hair only to have Dell try to pull your pony tails out as soon as she dismissed you from the kitchen chair. 

Ya’ll would get into so much trouble for fighting yet again. The thought gave you a warm feeling at the memory as you smiled wider and patted your own pineappled hair. 

‘Damn, her smile is a killer,’ Daveed thought as he watched you look around the kitchen for other signs of life. Now he was glad that he couldn’t sleep, and that he decided to be productive.  

He would have the chance to talk to you. As friends. Yeah.  He nodded to himself, trying to emphasize that last thought.  Friends.

Fuck.  He was in serious trouble.

Noticing that you and he were the only two humans in the kitchen and sniffing the air for the delicious smell that was wafting over from the stove, you finally greeted Daveed.

"Good morning, D.  Looks like everyone else is still knocked the fuck out.” 

Your other four friends were nowhere to be found.

You laughed, yawned and stretched.  Daveed turned back to the stove, cursing to himself. You were so damn fine.

“Calm the fuck down boy,” he whispered.

“What’s that?” 

You ventured over to see Diggs making French toast and bacon. Your stomach rumbled.

"I said sit down. Sounds like you’re hungry, haha. We gotta feed you. Grab some fruit over there and I'll serve you right up."

You grabbed something and sat down at the bar facing the windows. When Diggs turned to offer you some fresh oj, you didn't notice him watching you eat your banana. 

Your lips were a problem for him. When you looked away from the ocean, Daveed turned back to the stove and looked over his shoulder to smile at you.

His smile made you feel some kind of way.

"Why do they call you ‘Smiley?’" 

Daveed laughed, a sound that was quite nice.

“Because I started out as a clown. A professional clown.” 

You tilted your head, convinced that he was fucking with you. But maybe, he and Rafa always talked about the random shit they did to make money before they made it.

When he winked and turned back to the stove to the food, you just shook your head and ate the rest of your banana, positive that Daveed was fucking with you.

Meanwhile, Diggs was trying to stop himself from thinking about fucking with you. He did not need to watch you eat a banana. He licked his lips as he thought of how your lips tasted.

You smiled at Diggs’ broad back. He seemed different this morning.

He turned to plate some food for you and smiled again, shaking his head.

“Most times it’s a nervous tick.”

You were confused. “What’s a nervous tick?”

“My smile. I'm actually a really shy person.  Most times my smile is a defense mechanism.”

You were not sure about all that. Daveed had to know how he affected people.

“I’m not sure I believe that. Man. You are famous for performing in front of hundreds of people a night.  You’re on tv, movies, for goodness sake! You do live rap shows with your shirt off. I ain’t boo boo the fool.”

Daveed’s laugh filled the kitchen.

“How many clipping. shows did you watch on YouTube?  Or did you only watch the ones where I'm shirtless?” 

His look was hungry, and surprised, like he couldn’t believe he’d said that out loud. Then he barrelled on.

“I am shy, but I get my energy from crowds. I'm an introverted extrovert. Ya feel me?"

You nodded, understanding. You noticed that he was fiddling with the spatula he had in his hand. Uncertain again. He really was awkward. It was sweet. And hot.

Diggs continued.

"When I perform, I'm probably under the influence."

Pause.

"Hold up. What?" 

You flashed back to Mark. You couldn’t be around this again. Daveed caught your panicked look.

"Oh, it’s not like that, haha."  

That laugh and that smile. It automatically put you at ease. 

"It just takes a little. Drink; like last night at Criag’s Adrenaline; when I used to run track. Now it's performing." 

Daveed watched you carefully, gauging whether or not to continue. Fuck it, he thought. He felt as comfortable with you as when he first met Rafa.

"You know what the best drug is?" 

You cocked your head to the side, intrigued despite yourself. That smile. It was angelic and so opposite of what came out of his mouth next.

"Fucking. You know? When it's that good good. Or even better, that feeling when you haven't smashed, but the sexual tension is everything?"

There was suddenly little air in the room. You had to open your mouth to get oxygen. Oh. You knew the feeling alright. You gulped down your orange juice and continued eating.

"Hard-dick dopamine delivers every time." 

He said it so casually. He was playing innocent, but he was going for it.

You choked on your bacon. Daveed came up beside you.

"Raise your arms above your head.”

You turned toward him, held your arms up and he helped you, his hands holding your hands up. You stopped coughing pretty quickly but you stared at each other with your small wrists in his large hands. Daveed shifted on his feet and cleared his throat.  

“You good?" His voice had to be a couple of octaves lower. 

You gaped for a second, mouth still open, then laughed and nodded, pulling your arms slightly to get him to release them.  Daveed let go, stepped back and laughed along.

"But yeah. Back to what we were talking about...It just takes a little high, and I'm a completely different person." 

You watched him as he crossed his chocolate arms. 

"So what's your drug? Your motivation?"

That was something you didn't want to think about too hard. You tried to avoid his eyes. You cleared your throat and took another drink.  

“You got any vodka for this orange juice?”

-------

“C’mon. I made you this gourmet breakfast and everything…” You could hear the smile in his voice even though you were looking down. You didn’t feel pressed, you just felt like telling D this would open up so many things to him.

"Well, I don't do hard drugs if that's what you mean. No pills, or coke. Don't need molly," you winked and filled your mouth with French toast. 

"Gosh. This food is amazing!"

Daveed could barely make out the words through the food in your mouth.  He shook his head.

"Thanks, but don’t play me Lindy. Is french toast your motivation?"

Diggs wasn't letting you off the hook. You thought about it.  He was being very cool, and you felt safe with him.  You plunged ahead.

"I think about how fragile life is. How it is not guaranteed from day to day. How it can be taken away in a moment." 

You tried to push the emotions down and took a deep breath.

"I lost my twin brother when we were 17 in a car accident. I think a lot about what he didn't get to do. And that motivates me to do better with my life."

Daveed just looked down at the counter, mortified that he had pushed you to share something so personal. Then he finally looked up at you.

"That's a good reason to be motivated. I'm sorry for your loss." He looked down at his plate again.  "Look, I didn't mean to press you...."

Telling Daveed about Dell just felt right, even though you really didn’t know him like that.

"Don't apologize.  You didn't know. And I'm glad I told you." 

Diggs looked up at her and smiled. You smiled back.

He got up and stood next to you to grab your plate. Daveed smelled like coconut. It was nice. You closed your eyes and sniffed him.

"You done?" He was laughing at you.

"What? Oh, yeah. Thanks."

"Where is the fooood?"

Craig padded in the kitchen, with a wide smile. 

"There you are." You grinned at your cousin.

"Goood morningggg peopleeeee! I smell the Diggs Special. Hey. You two fuck last night?”

Rafa came in already on one this morning. Unlike his best friend, his confidence seemed to seldom waver.

He ignored your shocked looks and Craig’s laughter and went to get some food.  He continued as if he just walked in and said, “Good morning.”

"Ay, D, you gonna go check out this venue in town with me?"

Daveed shook his head at his friend. But he was chilling.

"Sure, what up?"

"I figure we can turn up on stage tonight"

"Cool. Let me eat and chill a little bit before we go." He looked at his watch. "About two?"

"Dope."

Jasmine walked into the kitchen. 

“Lindy needs to go shopping. We should come with.  You down, Craig?”

“You know it. That reminds me, we gotta fix you up.  Start destroying Daveed’s pants, since Lindy won’t do it for real.”

“Y’all gonna get enough…” you were getting swole.

“Calm down Ms. Fussy pants. Let’s go.”

Craig grabbed some shears from the kitchen and went toward Lindy’s room.

When you got to your room, Craig gave you the business.

"You are so tiresome."

“What?”

“You just need to fuck the man. We are all tired of feeling this sexual tension. It’s bothersome.”

“Leave me alone, Craig.” You watched as he worked his magic on the jeans. “What if I don’t want t…”

“Lie.”

“What if I’m not read…”

“Fuck that.”

“What if he hurts me? What if I hurt him?”

Craig put the shears down and turned toward you.  

“Listen, stop over thinking and do what you feel. What you want. Turn up. It’s your birthday. Anybody can see that man is all about you.”

“I’m scared.”

“I know. But you deserve…” He didn’t say it. 

“You deserve. Now put these clothes on, bitch.”

----- 

You emerged from the room and no one paid any particular attention to you, no one but Daveed. 

His eyes swept from your feet, which were housed in some of Jasmine’s high heeled sandals, to your long, brown legs which were highly moisturized and seemed to go on and get better from your juicy calves to your generous, muscular thighs. 

Craig had cut and distressed some jeans that Daveed didn't particularly love to garments that he felt he could not live without. 

On you. 

Damn, Daveed gaped as he remembered that you probably didn’t have any underwear on. 

His eyes moved up to notice how his blue Oaklandish t-shirt was huge, but the way you had it tied up let it accentuate your waist, breasts and shoulders.

‘Good God,’ he thought. As his eyes moved up to yours, he saw that you noticed his reaction and were smiling at him. He smiled back. He wanted you to wear nothing but his destroyed and altered clothing for the rest of your life.

“OKAYYYYYYY, you look cute as hell.” Jasmine admired your outfit.  

“Thank you!”  Craig responded. 

“Yes, you did that!” Jas laughed.  “And the model ain’t half bad.” Jasmine got up, took your hand and had you twirl.

“Got DAMN!”  

Everyone turned and looked at Rafa as he yelled.  He put his hand over his mouth. “Oh, did I say that out loud?”

Daveed was so grateful that you did not have any of your own clothes. Your ass in those distressed shorts were everything. He gulped and you and Jasmine giggled.

“Be quiet!” 

Anthony shushed everybody and then gave you a double take. 

“Nice, Lindy,” but then he turned back to the tv. He was used to Jasmine’s glorious ass, so he was nonplussed. 

“Let’s just finish this episode before we go. It’s my favorite,” he said as Jasmine went back over to sit down with him.

Black Dynamite was on the tv while they were waiting. It was the alien episode. 

Ant and Jas were curled up in a big white overstuffed chair, Craig was on the other,while Daveed and Rafa were on the couch. You sat down in between them. 

You leaned your head on Rafa’s shoulder, looking at Daveed. Rafa put his arm around you, watching the show, as you put your legs up on Digg’s knees. 

You didn’t see Rafa wink at Daveed, who just smiled at you and turned toward the screen. After a couple of minutes, he put his hand on your shins, looking over to see if it was okay.  

Your chill smile indicated your assent.  He started lightly rubbing, looking down at your caramel skin. Your legs were so soft. 

Diggs peeked up at you relaxing and accepting his touch, and snuggling into Rafa’s embrace.  The way you were looking at him was everything, even if you were in Rafa’s arms. 

Rafa was his boy. And he knew what you wanted. As for Daveed and you, you two were watching each other and not the screen.

Daveed decided to move his hand up your leg, but a flash went off and he stopped. He hadn’t noticed that the show was over and that Craig was taking pictures. 

"This is so cute! Family love!" 

He was cheesing as he snapped a wide-angle selfie and some pics. Jasmine came and sat on your lap, the couch becoming a crazy twister game. 

Anthony came behind the couch and snuck in the pics with the crazy eyes flipped a double bird behind Rafa’s head. You were all being so silly.

"What is this, a orgy?” Rafa with the jokes. 

“Not that I’m saying there’s anything wrong with that.” That devilish smile. Everybody laughed. 

“Y’all are some beautiful people, but ain’t nobody got time for that. Let's go."

Anthony seemed hype.  He slapped his hands together and then rubbed them.

“Okay, we have a choice, since we are going into town we can drive….” he looked around at everyone.  “OR, we can go over in my new boat!”

Everyone sensed that there wasn’t really a choice, so they all said, “Boat!” and laughed.  

Anthony’s grin was wide as fuck.  Jasmine harshed the flow.

“The only thing is, it only has four seats…”  Everyone looked around and counted six people. Ant spoke up.  

“I’ll be piloting, so I will stand, but it takes about 20-30 minutes, soooooooo…..”

“Sooooooo, Lindy… would you mind sitting on D’s lap? We need to get creative.” 

Her eyes sparkled as she smirked. 

“Would that be okay with you Diggs?”

Rafa coughed “Setup” into his hand.

You looked at Jasmine and Anthony and Daveed, who was looking at you expectantly.  You were in agreement with Rafa, but you weren’t mad. It seemed that everyone was looking at you.

“Sure…” said Daveed whose eyes were fixed on you.  “Is that okay with you, Lindy?” 

You smiled and nodded your head.  “I’m cool with it.”   Daveed smiled wide, eyes crinkling with happiness.

Jasmine and Anthony led you all out onto the back deck, where you and Jas took off your heels, and down to the beach, a little ways away to the boat dock.  You and Daveed brought up the rear of the little ensemble.

You were watching the waves and the beautiful surroundings, trying not to focus on the awkwardness. 

Daveed was watching you.

“You good Lindy?” 

Daveed’s voice broke your reverie.

“Yeah.” 

You two stopped and looked at each other.  Your head was tilted back, looking into D’s eyes. He smiled down at you and you felt warm.  Must have been the sun.

“Heyyyy youuu guuuysss!”  

Daveed nodded his head toward the boat. 

“Leggo.”

You smiled and followed him. Ant was at the helm, Jasmine and Rafa were at the front, and Craig was in the second row.  

Daveed stepped on the boat and turned around offering you his hand. You flashed back to that January night.

You swallowed, smiled and tried to board. And immediately fell when you misjudged the deck while stepping on the boat.

Daveed helped you up, chuckling, while Craig howled and Rafa shook his head. Jasmine just stared, open mouthed, said “That’s not funny,” then burst out laughing.

Anthony was busy getting the boat ready but had a grin on his face.

“Fuck all y’all!”

“No, not all of us, just D…”

“Shut the fuck up Craig.”  You gave him the gas face and then turned and smiled at Daveed.

Daveed was seated and spread his arms out so you could sit down.  Anthony started the engine, so you got settled in on his lap as carefully as you could.  

“You okay?” you asked him softly, turning on his lap and feeling the muscles in his thighs. And maybe something else. 

You tried to adjust your shorts to cover your core adequately, because like this, he would easily be able to ascertain your situation.

Daveed looked into your eyes and whispered, “I’m perfect.”

You agreed silently as you stared back into his big browns. 

You were thrown against Daveed’s chest as the boat gained speed. You were able to feel his abs through his t-shirt and your rear shifted and came into contact with his crotch. 

‘This is going to be a fun ride,’ you thought, smiling to yourself.

Daveed put his arms around you, one at your waist and one on your legs, to try and hold you steady.  The movement of the boat allowed him to feel you, just as he wanted.  

He turned his head and looked at the water, concentrating on keeping his hands in neutral locations.

Jas looked over at you.  “You okay?” she mouthed.

You smiled and nodded, giggling a little.

D turned his head back quickly to look at your face. You looked at him and winked. He smiled and unknowingly started stroking your leg.

You stopped laughing and all of your attention turned to his hand on your leg. You adjusted yourself in Daveed’s lap. You were getting a little moist and could feel his cock becoming hard. 

Your lips parted and you started breathing a little faster.

The feel of you on his lap was what was up. There was a definite heat from your core. Daveed happened to look down at his t- shirt on you and saw that your nipples were hard.  

All he wanted was for them to be in his mouth and to be enveloped in your heat.

Daveed turned his head to look at everyone else to see if they noticed you two, and his lips brushed your shoulder.  He heard your sharp intake of breath.

Geez, he felt like he could take you on the boat in front of everyone. By the way your body was reacting, he thought that you would let him.  

He finally noticed he was stroking your leg and stopped himself.  He sat up straighter and tried to get control.

You closed your eyes and moaned a little when Daveed pulled away.  All you wanted at that moment was him inside you. When you opened your eyes, Daveed was looking at you.

“You sure you’re comfortable? I could sit on the boat deck if you want.”

“No!” you said a little too loudly.  Craig smirked at you.

You blushed, then relaxed again in D’s arms. How could a moment be so awkward, yet so perfect?.  

After about 20 minutes, the view of the pretty little town of Isabela became clear.  It looked like a neat spot to spend the day, but you were sad that the boat ride was over.

As the boat came to a stop and tied off at the dock, you and Daveed let everyone get off before them, then D climbed out, turned around and held out his hand for you.  

You took it and stepped out onto the dock. You didn’t let go and Daveed didn’t either. No one said anything, just exchanged glances as you and Daveed concentrated on being casual with it.  

Truth be told, each of your hearts were pounding in your chest.  

This is another world. You could be free and do what you wanted to do.  And what you wanted to do was to hold Daveed’s hand.

Daveed’s chest was puffed out, proud that you decided to show affection. In front of the crew. 

This was a big step but he tried not to make it a big deal.  

You strolled together and admired the architecture, holding his hand until you walked to the shopping center on Barbosa Street.

They were going to check out a venue to do a show later in the weekend. Daveed didn’t want to let you go.

Rafa and Ant just walked on and let Daveed handle his business. 

“Go to work.” 

You smiling at him was everything, as Daveed played with your hand, moving it up to lace his fingers in yours and press your palm upright.

Jas and Craig went into the store.

“It’s not work. Having fun creating with friends…”  

Daveed really wanted to create fun with you. He felt like he should kiss you goodbye, but he didn’t want to push it.

“Bye Daveed.  See you in a few.” 

You laughed, cause it was like he was going off to war. This was too much.

“Bye Linden…” 

He finally let your hand go and then backed up the street in the direction that his bros went, not wanting to let you out of his sight. 

When you disappeared into the store, he turned and ran to catch up.

------

Rafa and Anthony were talking to the club owner in Spanish, Daveed following along, but not very well.  He thought they were talking about lighting and sound, but couldn’t get the entire conversation.

“Tienes tu propio gaffer o tenemos que hacer nuestra propia iluminación?”

“Nosotros tenemos un capataz, pero él cobra una tarifa separada.”

Daveed zoned out and planned how he was going to get closer to you.

Rafa turned to him and said something, and Daveed nodded. 

“Oh, absolutely.”

 He had not one clue what was happening in this club right now.  His mind was on you.  Rafa and Ant looked at each other.

“So, when they bring up the pigs in tutus, we cut one open and smear the blood all over you…” 

Anthony wanted to see if Daveed was paying attention.

Daveed smiled. “Sounds dope.”

Rafa and Ant shook their heads at him.

“Listen dude, your head is not in the game right now. You need to get right.”

They didn't have to tell him twice. 

------

You were going to town.  Craig and Jasmine had abandoned you and were already down at Pinkheart and Loft.  You were not moving from H & M.

You didn’t mind being alone in the store, as you minored in shopping in undergrad. You were in the zone. And zoned out from what was happening with Daveed. You needed some headspace.

Your hands were full of clothes and your heart was feeling light as you headed toward the dressing room. 

You could barely see over your pile when the cute top you just recently grabbed off a clearance rack fell on the floor as you rushed ahead.  You walked past it before you realized, then went back to try and pick it up.

You jumped as soon as you turned around.

Daveed was standing there with your top in his hand.

"Drop something?"  That smile was everything.

You stared at him wide-eyed. 

‘Fuck. Me.’ Daveed thought. 

"Here, let me take your pile, I'll help you to the register."

You smiled at him again. He'd do anything to see that smile forever.

"Oh, ok. Thanks." 

You handed over the clothes to reveal a handful of sandals underneath which you kept. Daveed slowed himself to appreciate you fully.

“I really like that shirt on you.” Daveed bit his lip. “And those shorts..”

You saw him checking you out and you watched him, your eyes fixed on his lips. 

You recalled the talk about what mouths could do from months ago but were thinking about his succulent lips. And you couldn’t stop.

You needed to remain in control.

"I'm not going to the register, I'm going to try these on.  You can drop them at the fitting room." 

Daveed looked around to tear his eyes away from you.  He caught you checking him out when he swung his eyes back around.  His stomach flipped a little.  

He smiled.

"Well."

You were at the fitting room, the attendant eyeing Daveed as he gave you a number and pointed you to a stall.  

You took the 10 garments you were allowed and started to go into to your fitting room, looking back at him over your shoulder. You disappeared into the room.

Daveed just stood there.

He made a decision.

You stood there for a minute, shook, before you thought you had yourself together. You were about to take off his shirt when Daveed opened the door at came in.

The look on your face was everything.  The wide eyes, that mouth in an "O." So damn fuckable.

"The guy out there said I could bring you the rest of your clothes."

That was true, after Daveed paid him 20 dollars.

He got close to you, reached behind you and put the clothes on the hook.

You could smell him. He smelled like the coconut and his cologne, and your dreams.  You closed your eyes.

Daveed wanted your lips. He wanted to own them, to command them, to hear them command him.

You opened your eyes and he backed up.  He tried to contain himself despite your proximity.

“Look. Daveed. That night. The launch party. I was wasted. I usually don’t lose control like that… I don’t want you to think that’s really me.”

You were keyed up and stressed because you were losing control.  He could tell.

God, he wanted to put his hands on you. In a good way. You’d calm down then.

He knew you had baggage.  And that he should probably stay away.  But he didn't want to.  Hell, he had matching luggage. 

"Well, I think it is you. I have a theory that people are more their real selves when they are drunk or high. Inhibitions are gone. They get to act out like they want to. Do what they want to."

Daveed looked into your eyes.

"What do you want to do, Lindy?"

You wanted to do a lot of things.  To Daveed. In this fitting room. You almost gave it all up for him right there.

Then you got mad. At Daveed or your feelings, you didn’t know.

"That's just it, adults don't get to do what they want to do all the time. It's called adulting, you know. Responsibilities...?" 

You fired back at him.

He opened his mouth and spoke.  To himself as well as you.

"Chill."

He said it gently, not raising his voice at all, but the force behind it made you shut the fuck up. 

Your knees were weak and the small of your back was acting up again. Your body was reacting without your permission. You shivered.

Daveed could tell you were reacting to him physically.  But he wanted inside your mind, not just your body. He was going to give you some space. 

He backed toward the door of the fitting room. Leaning against it, his long body in jeans and t-shirt delectable.

“What do you want, Linden?” 

His voice was deeper, more commanding now. You swallowed. You were exhausted from fighting it. Maybe you could have a taste.

“I-I want a kiss. Just a kiss.”

Daveed felt triumphant.  He smiled and looked down at his shoes, then back up at you.

“Come get it.”  

He was going to let you make the first move.

You bit your lip through a smile.  You walked the five steps toward him in slow motion it seemed, as you raised up on your tiptoes to reach up and peck his lips, your hands behind your back.  

Your lips met his pillowy goodness and you leaned back to look into his eyes.  

Then, you put your hands on his shirt, tracing his abs all the way up and going back in for more, Daveed’s tongue prodding it’s way between your lips, and your tongue dancing with his.

You moaned as Daveed put his hand on your hips and then slid them up the sides of his shirt, skimming your breasts, and resting under your arms as you two went for it. 

He lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist, as he backed you into the wall. 

He palmed your ass in the shorts, his long fingers reaching inside the distressed rips and squeezing your ass. He spread you apart and squeezed you closed, so that his fingers barely grazed your core and drove you crazy.  

When you reached up and pulled his hair, that’s when he stopped kissing you, leaned his head against your forehead and breathed, “Fuck, Lindy. You don’t know what you do to me.”

You just looked at him and craned your neck for another kiss which he couldn’t deny, but then he stopped and let you down.

“What do you want Daveed?”

Daveed put his hand on the wall above your head. You looked up at it and at him and he had to remember to breathe.

“Fuck it. Linden, I want you. You know that.” 

You raised your eyebrow and smiled up at him, then bit your lip, playful. Daveed’s throat became dry.

“And I think that I know that you want me too. But I know it’s hard.”

Your eyes swept down his torso to his pants, and damn, well…if it wasn’t hard right now.

He cleared his throat.  “It’s hard for YOU.”  You smiled wide. 

He rolled his eyes.

“You know what I mean. It’s hard for you to be vulnerable, but Linden, I won’t hurt you. I promise.”

The way he looked in your eyes. You couldn’t go there with him, but the physical was okay for now. You decided to indulge yourself.  It was almost your birthday.

“What if I want you... to hurt me?” 

The innocent look in your eyes masked the devilish intent in your words. Daveed, stomach flipped again and he screwed his eyes shut. He masked a whimper and opened his eyes again.

“Huh. Don’t play with me Linden.” The menacing tone of his voice was making you wet.

“But what if I want to play with you, Daveed?” 

You reached for his belt buckle; Daveed stopped you, grabbed your hand and put it above your head against the wall, his arms now caging you in. 

You raised your chin, meeting his glare with yours. His eyes were fucking you so rough right now. You had to open your mouth to breathe, your tongue darting out to wet your bottom lip.

Daveed was looking as if he was going to devour you..  That mouth. He wanted to take it, but he restrained himself.  He had to know.

“Tell me. What. You. Want.”

You held his stare, the air around you crackling with energy.

“I want you Daveed.”

His smile was wide. Then he bent down, grabbed your thighs in his hand, picked you up and carried you to the mirror and pressing you against it, running his hands back down your body to your ass, cupping and grabbing it to memorize how it felt.

“We are NOT about to do this in the fitting room at H & M.  But somebody is going to cum. Right now.”

You kissed him as he ran his hands under your shirt to your nipples, pinching and rolling them in between his fingers as he kissed you again.

You started whimpering in your throat as you let him make you wet. 

“God, Daveed.”  

You kissed him again, but he did not stop what he was doing to your breasts.

“What?”  Daveed asked when you came up for air. “You wet?’

“Fuck yes.”  

You moaned as you threw your head back and huffed.

Daveed pulled his shirt up off your waist and exposed your breasts.  

“So fucking beautiful.”  

His mouth watered at the sight. Daveed licked his lips and leaned toward those beauties.

“Can I?”  Daveed paused.

“Please!” You whispered.  

He leaned down. His mouth got so close that you could feel his hot breath. Then he paused again.

“Please what?”

At first you could not think of what he was talking about. Then you got it.

“Please. Sir.”  

Your eyes sparkled under your lashes as you looked down. His dick got even harder.

“Such a Good Girl for me Linden. Fuck.”  

Damn, he had the key to your pussy.

Your wetness was leaking down your thigh, now reaching the tips of Daveed’s fingers.

Daveed proceeded to alternate his attention to each breast. Delicately at first, he kissed your nipples, then suckled them gently, then harder, more insistently, until his mouth was pulling at them rhythmically and firmly, to the point of almost hurting you.

You were groaning pretty loudly and Daveed released a nipple from his tightly clamped lips with an almost painful pop.

“Suck this,” he said, and put his thumb in your mouth, pushing your head back into the mirror. 

While still suckling you, he then moved his other hand down your body to your crotch and stuck his hand into the jean shorts, his long fingers grazing your folds, feeling a small patch of hair and your oh so slick lower lips. 

He looked up at you and how you were enthusiastically sucking his thumb, fellating it like it could cum down your throat.  That sight and feeling, combined with how you felt at your core, was fucking him up.

“Damn, Lindy? All this. For me? You sure?”

You nodded vigorously, his thumb deep in your mouth as he kept you pressed to the mirror. He found your clit and started rubbing, while inserting a finger into you. 

You were so fucking tight, it was a stretch to fit two in, but you were humming with pleasure now, your eyes rolling back in your head.

You nodded again, and as he pried your mouth open, your sounds became louder before he put his mouth on yours and kissed you, muffling your moans as his thumb and fingers worked in concert to bring you close to the edge. 

You tried to reach for his belt buckle again and he moved out of the way.

“Unh unh, it’s not about me right now.” 

Daveed grunted. He spun you around and had you face the mirror, his hand in your mouth and your pants, and his cock pressed into your ass.

It was big and your eyes matched it. You two stared at each other.

“Look at us.  Don’t we look good together? This should be a thing.”  

You watched what he was doing to you and it did look hot as fuck.

He pressed deeper into you through your pants.  He could feel you quiver on his fingers. 

“You want it Lindy?”

Daveed could feel your clit harden and vibrate like a guitar string.

“Maybe later, but you could cum… not now…” 

You whimpered around his thumb, but he sped up.  

“Not now…”

You were almost crying now. Daveed was smiling, his teeth bared against the shell of your ear, whispering his commands to you.

“NNNNot now….” 

Your legs were shaking from holding it.

“Good girl. Now cum.”  

Daveed spoke into your ear and you exploded from the inside out. It had been months since anyone else made you cum.

He reached down and grabbed you under your knees and sat down with you on the fitting room bench. You were draped around him like a vine, exhausted.

D held you for a few, taking care of you and waiting for his hard on to go down. You clung to him, eyes closed, trying not to panic. This was good. You wanted this.  And you told him so.

“Me too, Lindy.”  

He helped you stand and stood himself, standing behind you and watching you straighten yourself out in the mirror.  He pulled you back against him, wrapping his arms around your front and putting his chin next to your forehead.

“I meant what I said, Linden.  We look good together.  Let this be a thing.”  

You just smiled at him as you thought about the weekend to come.

-------

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[spellbound-banshee]

The Afterparty - Tom Holland

Summary: You’re one of Harrison’s best friends from his childhood, and you finally decide to go to one of his small parties. There, you meet his friends...

Warnings: literally just fluff haha

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

You were one of Harrison’s best friends, the mystery girl that he always talked about but rarely had over. Being another actress, you were always moving around, trying to find jobs and get a steady job. You’d known Harrison since middle school, but you had to move away once you got to high school, never giving you the opportunity to meet his current best friend, Tom. But that would change tonight.

For the first time in a while, you actually accepted an invite to hang out with Harrison - it was never because you didn’t want to, it was just because you were always so busy. And it felt nice to keep in contact with him, even after all these years and many years apart.

H: hey, what time you heading over? Y/N: leaving now, darling H: seeya in a bit x

You smiled brightly and placed your phone down, brushing the last bundle of knots from your hair as you gazed at yourself in the mirror. Harrison didn’t tell you if it was an actual party or just a hang out with a couple of people, but either way you wanted to make an impression. When you arrived to a quaint house - apparently Tom’s - you could feel the nervous excitement bubbling in your veins. You’d seen Harrison in pictures of course, and you obviously knew who Tom was, but it felt like 50 years since you’d seen Harrison in person, and meeting new people made you especially nervous. Especially if that new person was Tom fucking Holland.

“(Y/n)!” Harrison’s surprised voice greeted you as he opened the door, taking a moment to take in your appearance.

“Haz!” You replied, wrapping him in a big hug, one he quickly and gladly returned, swaying you back and forth slightly. “So good to see you finally!” You beamed, pulling away and also taking in his appearance - taller than you remember, and much more... model-y looking.

“You too, missed you.” He smiled down at your smiling face, “you look absolutely beautiful, just as stunning as I remember.” You beamed at that, nodding your head and accepting such a gracious compliment.

“You don’t look so shabby yourself.” You smiled, and he shoved you to the side, rolling his eyes but wrapping his arm around you to urge you inside. 

“Come in, come in. Welcome to Tom’s place.” The uneven weight shifted onto you made you giggle hysterically as he practically dragged you inside - it felt like home, just like old times. Your smile widened as you remembered the fond memories you had with your best friend, but it stopped for a moment when you saw who was inside.

Wow, he’s even better looking in person.

Though you tried to stay cool, you felt your heart skip a beat when you saw Tom on his couch, who immediately stood up once he made eye contact with you. “Oh! Hey, (Y/n), right?” He began to walk over and Harrison dropped his arm from your shoulder, shoving you playfully with his pointer finger. You shot him a playful glare and rubbed your arm, pushing him away with a bigger amount of force.

“Yeah, hi! Tom, right?” You replied, taking his hand which he stuck out to shake, and despite the professional gesture it felt strangely informal. “It’s nice to finally meet you, I’ve heard so much and obviously... seen so much.” You gestured towards the TV as if it was playing one of his movies, which would actually be comforting in the moment.

He chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck and dropping his hand. “Yeah I’ve heard a lot about you to.” He nodded his head, quickly spinning around and outstretching his arms. “Uh... this is my brother Harry.” Harry looked up and shot out a peace sign, giving you a bright smile but comfortably glued to his spot in the couch.

“Hey.” You nodded back to him, smiling at the hand gesture. “Your place is so nice.” You said, looking around as if it was a museum, taking in the sort of old-fashioned English aesthetic of the living room.

“Oh, thanks. Do you... want a tour?” He asked, pointing around his shoulder as if the rest of the house would be revealed. You took a second to look at Harrison, who was watching the two of you intently with a big, teasing grin on his face. He nodded his head (as if you needed his permission) and gestured for the both of you to go on, and you gladly accepted the offer.

-

As nighttime rolled around, a few more people had come over, a few mutual friends of all three boys staying at the house. Naturally, you felt a bit out of place, but you and Tom had really begun to hit it off, talking up a storm. He mostly felt bad and wanted to keep you company since you only really knew Harrison, but you were starting to grow on him. Not that he didn’t think you would, any friend of Harrison’s would surely be a friend of Tom’s.

He loved that you didn’t only want to talk about him and Spider-Man, of course you asked a few questions about it but he admired how you wanted to get to know him. Not Tom Holland, who nearly every girl found attractive and fantasized about, but just Tom, Harrison’s friend. You were also beautiful, god you really threw him for a loop. And you seemed like a powerful energy, you knew what you were talking about and weren’t easily intimidated, he loved it.

“Is anybody gonna dance or like...?” He heard your voice, snapping him out of his dream-state, realizing he was literally thinking about a girl he just met - and staring. He didn’t want to seem like a dick or freak you out, as if all you were to him was a pretty face. Of course, you were a pretty face, and he’d only known you for a couple of hours, but he felt if a strongly and he hoped you did too.

“I mean... there’s only a handful of people here so... I guess not.” He laughed nervously, running his hand through his hair, unable to make eye contact. Now he really felt like Peter Parker - speechless in front of the pretty, confident girl.

“Wanna dance?” You asked, putting your nearly finished beer on the counter and giving him a bright smile. You could tell he was about to protest, but you interrupted him before he got the chance. “Oh come on, Holland. Harrison tells me you’ve got moves! I’ve seen the lipsync battle.”

Tom audibly groaned at this, dragging a hand down his tired face. “No, don’t bring up the lipsync battle, please.” He practically begged, but you just smiled and shoved him playfully, nearly knocking his elbow off the counter.

“Come on! Fuck everybody else let’s just vibe!” How could he say no to someone so beautiful as you. He rolled his eyes, taking a large drink of his beer before sighing submissively, allowing you to drag him somewhere close to the speaker. “The song is kinda slow.” You shrugged, unable to find some sort of beat to dance to, and Tom felt his heart sort of skip a beat as your non-chalantness. “We’ll make the most of it.” You smiled, placing your hands on his shoulders, a silent ask for consent to wrap your arms around his neck.

Tom was frozen, but he felt his body nod, allowing your arms to find a home around the back his neck. Your other hand grabbed one of his hands and placed it on your waist, and though he flinched back a bit he tried not to put it anywhere you would find offensive or suggestive. You just shook your head and giggled at the sheer closeness and awkwardness of it, but you weren’t complaining, it felt nice to have someone in such close proximity.

“Relax, Tom. We don’t have to leave room for Jesus it’s okay.” Tom burst out laughing at your comment, and you instantly felt the atmosphere lighten as he brought his head back down to see you.

“Sorry, pretty girls make me nervous.” He teased with the same amused smile on his face, and you laughed at his compliment, tapping his shoulder twice.

“Charming.” You teased, and he just chuckled, finding a rhythm with the song that seemed too fast for an occasion like this but too slow to jump around to. Neither of you were complaining though, especially not Tom.

At some point both of you just closed your eyes, feeling the moment and not caring about anyone surrounding you. It was just you, him and the music shaking your bones with each subtle bass hit. Somehow, you both opened them at the same time, and made a strange sort of eye contact that knocked the wind out of both of your lungs. But you thought you were crazy, Tom Holland being attracted to a girl he just met, in your dreams - literally.

You pulled away flustered, and Tom quickly worried he’d done something wrong to ruin the moment. But you just shook your head and said, “I’m going to go get some more beer from the cooler, do you want anything?” Tom seemed surprised by your reaction to him, pulling away with a small blush on your cheeks, just like his probably had.

“Uh... no, no thanks. I’ll uh... I’ll be here.” He said, casually leaning against the fridge and running a hand through his hair. You nodded awkwardly and began to walk away, mentally face-palming as you opened the screen door to the porch. Harrison was out there and seemingly preoccupied with a girl, but he saw you come out, looking distressed and confused. He instantly thought the worst, and put his conversation on pause with an apology, walking over to you.

“Hey, (Y/n), you alright?” You saw your concerned friends face and quickly tried to ease his mind.

“Yeah Haz, I’m okay. I just...” You shook your head, reaching down into the cooler to grab yourself another beer. “I think I just made things awkward with Tom like... we were just dancing and I got... flustered.” Harrison just started laughing, letting it go on a big sigh that just oozed teasing. “What?” You asked, genuinely confused.

“Dude, you didn’t ruin anything. Tom’s literally been ogling at and about you since you walked through his front door.” You froze, really? You shouldn’t see him as a higher up, but Tom Holland... checked you out? Possibly more? “He’s been flustered this whole time, he’s definitely geeking out for you right now.” You blushed, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and giving a nervous chuckle. “Aw, you’re blushing like a rose.”

“Shut up, dickhead.” You punched his shoulder, and he dramatically mouthed ‘ow’ and stepped away. “I think you’re lying.”

“And I think I know Tom way better than you. And he... definitely likes you.”

-

“Hey.” You greeted as you walked up to Tom again, who’d been on the couch nervously looking at his phone since you left.

His face lit up as you sat down with two beers in your hands, “hey,” he replied, turning his phone off and hiding it under his thigh.

“I got you a beer anyway, they were running low so I figured... might as well.”

“Oh sweet, thank you.” He smiled as you placed both beers on the table in front of the couch, no real intention of drinking them in the moment. It just seemed like a conversation starter. “Sorry about earlier if I made you... uncomfortable or anything it wasn’t my intention.”

“Oh, god no. You didn’t make me uncomfortable I just got... a little flustered is all.” You felt tension leave Tom’s body as he heard your words, nodding as they began to sink in. 

And you sat in comfortable silence for a while, shoulder to shoulder, practically daring each other to rest your heads against them. “Hey uh... thanks for keeping me company this whole night. I’m sure there are other... more interesting people you could’ve interacted with tonight but... thank you.”

“More interesting?” He seemed shocked, looking down at you, “I think tonight I’ve discovered you’re more interesting than most of the people here. So, it was truly my pleasure. You’re so easy to talk to.” You smiled, blushing and putting your face in your hands, feeling like you were in middle school all over again. How could someone you just met already be giving you an entire zoo of butterflies in your stomach?

“I try.” You replied, shrugging your shoulders, and you felt a light pressure on your upper back, which was now exposed since you were leaning over.

“You don’t have to.” He smiled when you took your head out of your hands to look at him, and you swear he stared at you like you were the only woman in the world. Damn.

“Would you mind if I kissed you?” The words just came out before you could stop them, and based on Tom’s surprised reaction, he wasn’t expecting them either. You were about to pull away and apologize, then go out to curse Harrison on his false predictions, but then...

“Mind? Hell, I’ve been working up the courage to ask you that all fuckin’ night.” Tom replied, rubbing the back of his neck and only liking you more due to the forwardness. You laughed happily, finally relaxing as you dopily shook your head, feeling a weight of awkward tension being lifted from your shoulders.

With a smile, you began to move closer to him and leaned in, putting a hand on his face to assure he was still there and he wasn’t going to pull away. When you stopped at his lips, he just smiled and closed the gap between you, his hand travelling to your lower back to also reassure himself you weren’t going anywhere.

When your lips touched, he felt the fireworks, that’s for sure. He didn’t think he could have a such strong connection with someone he’d met only a few hours, but he felt it. Tom felt it in his heart fluttering, in the way adrenaline coursed through his veins when you opened your mouth slightly, giving him silent permission. He gladly took it, and slipped his tongue into your mouth, the fading of mint gum and cheap beer entering his nervous system.

You felt the fireworks, everywhere. Once the kiss got more heated, you found yourself losing control of your instincts, every atom in your body pulling you towards him. Your hand travelled to his hair, scratching your nails up the nape of his neck, and although you couldn’t hear the probably glorious groan slip from his mouth, you could feel the vibrations on your lips. You weren’t sure if you were dreaming it, or if it was the music, you didn’t care, you had him in your grasp.

“Fuck.” He articulated as he pulled back a bit, but he didn’t want to lose the connection so he kept your foreheads pressed together. “Stay.” He practically pleaded, trying to catch your breath and suffocating on each other’s air.

All you could do was nod your head against his, leaving a kiss or two on his cheekbones and on his jawline, unable to resist the temptation. He just smiled at the way your lips seemed to tickle his skin, still holding you close as the world blurred around him. “Holy shit.” He heard you say, and with a mutual breathy chuckle you both pulled away.

Suddenly the confidence left the both of you, and you sat there in brief silence anxiously waiting for the other to say something, anything. “Do you maybe want to get a drink some time?” You smiled and returned the eye contact with him.

“I’ll have to think about it.” You teased, ruffling his hair a bit as a shocked expression filled his face. “Of course I will, idiot.” He just smiled, hand still on your back as he began to circle tiny patterns over your shirt. 

“Will you stay tonight?” You widened your eyes at the sudden question, but he quickly drew back, stuttering, trying to find his words. “Oh god I didn’t mean like- I don’t want you to get the wrong idea I just meant- I don’t know... where you’re staying and I-” He was cut off by your hysterical laughter, and he breathed out a sigh of relief. “You know if you keep up with the sarcasm you’re going to give me a heart attack.”

“Of course I’ll stay, and don’t worry, I won’t get the wrong idea.” He just nodded and put his arm around you, coaxing you to lean on his shoulder and you gladly took the opportunity. However, before you could, you heard a loud banging coming from the outside against the glass door.

You both whipped your heads around, only to see Harrison giving you both a thumbs up and cheering like an idiot. As you both looked back at each other to make eye contact, you both burst out laughing, shaking your heads. 

“Dickhead.” The two of you shared the same insult.

-

[potatowitch]

finding out that the star wars sequel series was written on the fly rather than actually planned out makes so much fucking sense but also pisses me off EVEN MORE because i watched the force awakens in 2016 and within a day of leaving the cinema had a fully fleshed out idea in my head of the direction the next two films would take and the plot points they would cover, all brainstormed in the shower. 16 year old me was more capable of writing a cohesive storyline than disney was. so here you are - i rewrote the sequels to be ten times better than what disney actually gave us. enjoy.

- after rey finds luke they train for a bit then he's like "gotta tell u something. u ever heard of mara jade? she's ur mum" "wait weren't u two dating for a bit" "yeah" "does that mean ur...." "...yeah"

- "why did u leave me on jakku?" "i didnt. she did. i only just learned u existed i wouldve come for u" "oh."

- "...can i call u dad or" "i would be honored if u did"

- meanwhile at the resistance base leia realises finn is force sensitive, gives him her old lightsaber she had in the comics

- because come on. rewatch the force awakens and tell me that man aint fuckin feeling the "shitloads of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced" when starkiller goes off

- and he picks up a lightsaber and instinctively knows how to use it?

- also: two main heroes in a star wars film being a queer coded woman and a queer coded black man.

- and the whole "used to be a stormtrooper and defected, becomes a jedi" is a TOTALLY NEW storyline? not some tired old "white boy villain is a dick for three movies then suddenly turns Good TM right at the end" trope

- make rey explicitly asexual. she's beautiful and smart and got abs that make everyone who sees them MELT but she is NOT INTERESTED in anything but JUSTICE and PLATONIC HUGS

- finn and poe are also making out because come on, disney, if u wanted to show you're becoming more progressive having a loving interracial gay romance is the fucking easiest way to do it. BB8 has two dads and they share The Jacket

- turns out finn is a kenobi because u cannot tell me obi wan didnt Fuck. jedi code says "dont form attachments" but watch the clone wars - obi wan plays fast and loose w the jedi code at the best of times. now we got a skywalker and a kenobi working together being best buds again, THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.

- the destruction of starkiller has crippled the first order. don't fucking look at me like "the resistance just won a major, VERY VISIBLE victory but OOO no somehow they're still very low on numbers and infrastructure" NO. the public destruction of starkiller has earned the resistance an influx of allies. the republic has started publicly supporting them. the first order spent years building that thing and now not only is all that time, effort and MONEY gone, they lost a shitload of staff and military personnel when it blew up

- "the first order is rich" is a plot point I DO NOT UNDERSTAND because it directly contradicts what's going on in the expanded universe books. the first order was built from remnants of the empire that had been banished to the outer reaches of the galaxy to live out of broken down, shitty old star destroyers.

- it's the reason hux, who was raised in a decrepit old academy in the ass end of the universe by an abusive father, is SO anti republic. in his head, it's the reason he starved as a child. it's the reason his mother is dead. it's the reason he had to be raised by a father that beat him. his hatred for the republic is PERSONAL

- disney learn how to write a good villain challenge? hux EASILY could have been terrifying AND sympathetic

- hux and kylo now have to deal with how absolutely PISSED snoke is that both of them failed with starkiller. hux gets force choked and threatened. kylo gets snoke very painfully rooting around in his head. it is emphasised that snoke's relationship with these two is downright abusive.

- somewhere in there, they realise that the whole five years they've known each other snoke has been deliberately pitting them against each other and sneakily forcing them to undermine each other's authority

- they realise it was snoke's shitty leadership that lead to the destruction of starkiller. they realise that maybe they'd be better off on their own

- the two of them plot to murder snoke themselves. while this is happening, the resistance is happily building an army, gathering resources, and forming alliances. luke and rey have reunited with the resistance and now rey and finn are both happily training with luke.

- snoke dies. hux decides to take the mantle of emperor. kylo LETS HIM because he realises he doesn't know shit about fuck when it comes to leading anything more than his knights. has a crisis of confidence about how useful he actually is, then hux decides he wants to keep the knights of ren around as his personal "fuck up the resistance" squad.

- the two of them working together turn out to be fucking terrifying, competent villains. the films have short, five to ten minute sections where they explore their VERY SIMILAR traumas to make them sympathetic WITHOUT making them seem like "uwu they're not actually bad people" because THEY'RE STILL AWFUL GENOCIDAL MASS MURDERERS

- on the kylo trauma side: it's made obvious in the books that from about age 6 snoke has been in his head deliberately grooming him away from his family. make that obvious in the films. make its impact on kylo obvious in how unsure of himself he actually is. don't make his "redemption arc" one where he suddenly goes light side. give him a bastardisation arc where he realises his whole life he has never made a choice - and then make THE FIRST ORDER his choice. (it is the wrong choice! emphasise that! but make him MAKE THAT CHOICE)

- the resistance thinks they're doing well. they have two new jedi. they've seen very little of the first order outside of small operations that they've been squashing. they think "hm. starkiller's loss must have crippled them. we're doing well!"

- until they learn actually. they've got an emperor now. and the commander of the knights of ren is INCREDIBLY loyal to him. the first order is PISSED OFF and VENGEFUL. they're back with a force. they've started invading and subjugating planets even with their forces cut as thin as they are because hux is a military mastermind and kylo and the knights of ren are a fucking TERRIFYING unit in combat.

- also why did disney decide to present hux in the films as a weak pissbaby when he probably topped his class in all combat situations and fights dirty in close quarters. man can SNIPE. man will bite your fucking finger off if you manage to disarm him. he is a 6 foot beanpole and he will kick your ass

- kylo has a crisis about actually having to kill his mother, uncle and cousin. he still feels a bit bad about han - despite everything, he still loves them and is struggling. he actually confides in his knights about this. we get to see that the knights of ren have a found family dynamic with their commander and they comfort him.

- kylo realises it will be painful to murder the last of his bio family but it must be done, because he's come around to hux's view that the resistance and the republic are standing in the way of true peace in the galaxy. he actually believes that reinstating an empire is the best thing for the galaxy. this makes him a more effective villain because he actually believes what he's doing is right.

- more stormtroopers defect to the resistance. finn is there to welcome them and help them adjust. there's a couple of lowkey force sensitive troopers in there too. we learn more about how horrible, soul crushing and traumatic stormtrooper training is. this is a good way to keep painting the first order as an organisation that violates human rights and the geneva convention at every turn.

- the first order makes up for this loss of troops in picking up recruits from the planets they've taken over in the outer rim because they've been providing stability. again - it is SO EASY to write the first order as sympathetic villains WHO ARE STILL FASCIST ASSHOLES. this would've been such a good opportunity to show the moral argument between stability vs freedom. show the flaws in the republic because they do exist!! we see that throughout the ENTIRE expanded universe! every iteration of the republic fails in some way!

- the fight against the first order becomes increasingly more difficult, but they're actually on pretty even ground. it doesn't make sense to me that disney decided to go for the route of "the resistance should've been squished easily by the might of the first order but uwu kylo can't make up his mind and thats what saves them!" that is not a compelling storyline! they are relatively evenly matched and the resistance only JUST comes out on top!

- kylo kills luke in actual combat, not just "luke randomly dissolves for ... no good reason?". this hits the resistance HARD. rey and finn have to struggle with their desire for revenge. leia realises her son is beyond help. it nearly breaks her. she has a moment where she feels like she has lost everything. poe has to step in to remind her she still has him. it is revealed that he joined the resistance after the first order killed his family HORRIBLY when he was a teenager and he and leia sort of have a mother/son relationship.

- this is also a good way to juxtapose hux and kylo. they took their trauma and it made them awful. poe takes his trauma and it makes him kind. it makes him want to protect people from what he went through. also gets rid of the "haha we made the latino man have a drug dealer background" bullshit that disney did

- poe also has to comfort his boyfriend and best friend and remind them that they are fighting to make the galaxy a better place, NOT for revenge. then they have a discussion about "yeah, don't make revenge your main priority, but the jedi were a bit wrong in saying that you shouldn't enjoy it anyway. it's going to feel good to fucking murder kylo and that's okay". acknowledgement that the old jedi code was garbage and too restrictive for actual PEOPLE to follow it.

- kylo still can't kill leia or chewie. we get flashbacks of her singing to him, braiding his hair, comforting him after nightmares. we see baby ben riding on chewie's shoulders. seeing the conflict between kylo recognising his family loved him and still choosing to be a villain would have RUINED ME. he tells hux this, expecting hux to shoot him for it. hux understands - he had a mother, once. the republic killed her.

- (they actually didn't. she was an imperial slave and was probably left behind when an imperial settlement was being razed. the only reason hux actually survived was because he was his father's only heir. there's a whole spiel in the books about brendol going "this kid is a piece of shit bastard i dont want him" and imperial officials being like "the empire needs kids. go pick him up")

- hux decides to kill leia instead. he nearly dies doing so because woman is STILL a force to be reckoned with even at this age. remember she is actually trained to use a lightsaber AND guns. the only reason hux doesn't die? kylo steps in at the last minute and kills his own mother. he's made his choice. he mourns, and then he steels. there is nothing left to pull him to the light side anymore.

- anakin has given up trying to bring his grandson to the light from beyond the grave. him and obi wan are focusing their force ghost attention on rey and finn. now luke and leia are both there too. we get the same "all my jedi ancestors are rooting for me" moment that disney gave us, except now it's shared between rey and finn.

- the two of them plus chewie cut through the knights of ren until they get to kylo. he kicks the living shit out of them, but they manage to kill him. rey earns some gnarly, sexy scars. chewie needs a hug and goddamn does he get one.

- poe is the one to kill hux. he's not just doing it for the galaxy, he's doing it for leia. the first order already stole his first family from him. he won't lose his second family to them. bonus points if BB8 joins the fight and like ... tases hux in the leg a few times.

- we get some gratuitous "c3p0 and r2 are sneaking through an imperial base and fucking shit up but like, badly because 3p0 never stops talking" scenes

- you want to bring rose tico into it? she's head of the resistance's infiltration team. she's with the droids taking down shields, stabbing people in the back, freeing prisoners, stealing plans, sowing chaos. she's the one who finally takes down phasma.

- without their emperor and the knights of ren, the new empire crumbles pretty quickly. the resistance has taken HEAVY losses but they have won. we get a very beautiful funeral scene for luke and leia. there's a gorgeous group hug between finn, rey, poe, chewie and bb8. poe and finn smooch against the sunset.

- we see finn and rey going into crystal caves to get kyber crystals. poe, chewie, bb8, r2 and 3P0 wait outside the cave in the falcon for them to be done picking up their crystals, then we see finn and rey inside the falcon building their new lightsabers with guidance from a bunch of force ghosts. we get to see that rey has chosen to decorate the inside of the falcon with a bunch of potted plants so she can be surrounded by greenery at all time. the found family aesthetic is STRONG

- rey builds a saber pike. it comes out golden. finn builds a standard single blade saber that comes out white, like ahsoka's. gold to emphasise protection of the weak and the perfect blend of combat and scholarly pursuits. white to emphasise free will from both the jedi and the sith. it is emphasised that these two will NOT be your traditional jedi.

- we see an epilogue where poe is working to help shift the republic's focus from political squabbling to actually protecting its citizens. he leads reconstruction efforts, helps establish more of a presence in the outer rim, constantly fights for moving resources from protecting the republic's assests to providing food, shelter and safety to its citizens.

- finn is constantly by his side. we see him protecting his new husband, on the front lines destroying remnants of the empire and the first order, and using his combat prowess to absolutely murder slave owners.

- rey has taken to training new force sensitives with chewie by her side, however she recognises the jedi code has been failing force sensistives for millennia, and instead her teachings are more aligned with the grey jedi philosophy. she recognises that people feel anger, hate, grief - and that they are all valid emotions. it's what you choose to do with them that is important.

- she actively encourages personal connection, believing that loving your friends and family is righteous and the true path to the light side. her apprentices all adore her, and she is always there for them - she'll listen to their worries, from something as small as "i am 13 years old and my first crush just rejected me" to "i am a former slave coming to you after the first order murdered my family and tortured me. i am having nightmares and am afraid of the anger i feel".

- she encourages apprentices to stay in contact with their family, and she becomes that family for the ones who have lost theirs.

- you get the feeling that this time, peace in the galaxy is actually going to last. anakin, obi wan, luke and leia look on from the Force in pride at their children and grandchildren. they did good. they can finally rest.

- the sequels have made personal choice a major theme. finn chooses to defect. poe and rey choose to be kind, when they have every reason not to be. hux and kylo make the wrong choices. there's no flip flopping like a dead fish between good and evil until the very last second. the lines between kindness and freedom and hatred and subjugation are clearly drawn again and again.

- i sit in the cinema after the screen goes black and i weep. i am satisfied. this was a fitting end for a franchise i have loved for most of my life.

[ella-se-vuelve-loca]

Chapter 12

Grand Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter

~~

‘Hey! You’ve been pretty busy lately and I think it’s time we head out to Johann’s place today :) you down?’

Emilia texted me as I was still lying down in bed, not really planning on going out and just staying in bed… until now, that is. I haven’t seen my group of friends, besides Yoandri, in a little while. My time has been spent with someone and my thoughts have been.. elsewhere.

I’m just wanting to tell everyone and get this weight off of my chest, but at the same time, I can’t. If (Y/N) ever meets the boys, Richard won’t recognize her, right? He’s only seen her for a few seconds at that party we were at. It’s not like he’ll even remember what she looks like.

I know Chris is dying to meet her, having only heard the little stories I’ve told about her to him. He’s been patient, understanding that I wanna keep it private for a while, but it’s obvious that he’s excited and wants to know who she is.

‘Hell yeah I’m in! What time?’

~~

We all were kind of lounged around Johann’s kitchen while we ate some Chinese food that we ordered. It felt good to see my friends again. We were laughing and talking about the things we’ve been up to lately while I thought about Emilia and (Y/N). Two similar, but totally different girls.

Something’s changed though. I don’t see myself gravitating towards Emilia as much anymore, not like I used to at least. I feel like I’ve been lost in my thoughts recently. I need to get back into the conversation.

“So, Joel, you’ve been pretty busy lately. I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever haha.” Emilia smiled. “What are you and the guys up to?”

“We’re just getting ready to release the new album and working on tour dates.” I took a sip from my drink. “We’ve all been pretty busy, so I’m happy that we’ve got some time off.”

“Last time we saw you was at a party with some of the boys from your band.” Johann spoke. “You left fairly early, bro. We didn’t get to talk as much.”

“Oh, yeah uh sorry about that. Something came up and I had to leave.”

“Was it about that girl you were talking to that night?” Emilia smirked and took a bite of her food as Yoandri looked my way with a knowing look on his face. “Wait, what girl?” Johann asked. “Um.. I don’t..” I could feel my face heating up. “Oh come on! She’s the real reason why you’ve been super busy, right?” I didn’t speak. I didn’t say it was true, but I didn’t deny it either. “Oh my God haha you ditched us for a girl?” Johann laughed.

“Hey, she’s not some girl.” I said. “I’m just stating the facts!” He smiled and leaned on his elbows that rested on the table. “What does she look like?”

“Guys, she’s so pretty and she’s actually real.” Yoandri laughed as Johann looked over at him. “You’ve seen her already?” He nodded as I bit my lip. “Let me see her. I can’t believe you never told me about her.” I took out my phone, going straight to photos and I scrolled until I found a recent photo we took together. He took my phone in his hands and observed the photo as Emilia stood behind him, looking as well. “She’s cute..” He scrolled a few more photos before handing me back my phone.

“Oh my God, Joel! She’s so pretty!” She smiled as I blushed slightly at the thought of (Y/N). “She is, isn’t she?” I glanced down at the photo of when we went to the carnival together and smiled at the memory. “We’ve been seeing each other for a little while now.”

“Well, hey! Let’s celebrate.” Johann lifted up his drink and spoke. “A toast to new relationships and finding love in the most unexpected places.” If I had been paying attention, I would’ve noticed that it almost sounded sarcastic.

At the end of the day, we helped him pick up the place and left on our merry way back to own our houses. I decided to stay behind and talk more with my friend while Yoandri and Emilia had left. It was nice getting to catch up with my friends, it’s definitely been a while. I was currently washing the dishes as Johann popped up behind me. “So… what’s really going on?” He asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh come on, Joel. I’m not stupid.” He placed a plate inside the sink and stood beside me. “You were in love with Emilia a few months back and ready to do almost anything for her… what happened?” I shrugged my shoulders and continued washing the plates and cups. “I met someone new and well.. here I am.”

“That quick?” He asked as I stayed silent. I can trust him… right? “It’s not a big deal.” I laughed it off as I finished rinsing the utensils and put them on the clean side of the sink. “Not a big deal? Joel, come on.. is this thing legit?” I washed my hands as I sighed, deciding to come clean to one person I trust. He’s been my friend for a while and I can tell him anything, right? He wouldn’t judge me and I can maybe start to feel some sort of relief by getting this off my chest.

“Can you keep a secret?”

He nodded and waited for me to spill the beans to him. “You can tell me anything, Joel. I’m your friend.” I have to say something. I’m tired of feeling guilty and holding this in. I have to tell one person, at least. “I’m gonna be honest here.. I… I only used (Y/N) to get Emilia jealous in the beginning. That was the only reason why I talked to her in the first place.”

“Ahh see? I knew you were still in love with her.” Johann smiled as I continued. “No, listen. Yes, it was bad intentions at the start and I was head over heels with Emilia, but dude… once I got to know her, I was hooked. She’s really amazing.” I smiled. “She’s so genuine and smart.. she makes me laugh and – ”

“Aanndd that was enough to get you over Emilia?”

“I’ll always love her, yes. She’s my friend but..” I bit my lip. “Whenever I’m with (Y/N), it just feels like it’s just us two and nothing else matters at that moment.” He stayed silent. “Johann, you have to promise me that you won’t tell her or anyone about this. What I did.. I don’t want anyone knowing, especially her. I don’t want to lose what I have with her.”

“Hey, dude relax.” He chuckled. “No te preocupes, you can trust me.”

~~

This guilt is starting to eat me out alive.

I should never have done this in the first place. I should’ve just listened to Richard and leave her be at that party.

But then you never would’ve known how wonderful she really is.

“All things happen for a reason” she said. Maybe… I was supposed to find her. If I never did this, then I would’ve missed out on such a great person… but this is wrong. How this all started was wrong and it’s all my fault. How am I ever going tell her about this? Will I ever tell her? I don’t want to lose her. What we have is amazing and I don’t want to throw that all away. Will she ever talk to me again if she were to find out?

No.. I can’t tell her. I just can’t.

I fucked this whole thing up. I don’t want anybody else. I want her, only her.

I’m not any different from her ex. In fact, I think I’m worse. Using her just to try to get somebody jealous? Yeah, I’m a complete dick. I just didn’t expect for me to... actually really.. really.. like her. What have I gotten myself into? I wanted to tell her that night about everything. To just be able to come clean and hope that she’ll forgive me, but then she brought up her ex and I just couldn’t bring myself to break her heart even more.

I’m happy that I told Johann, though. Everybody else had left and he was there.. it just seemed right? I don’t know, I just really needed to get some relief. Saying it out loud made me feel a little better, I guess.

(Y/N) and I were currently in my car, looking for something to eat until we found a Ricobene’s near by, so we walked in and the sweet scent of food filled our noses. We ordered what we wanted to eat and found a spot we could sit at while we waited for them to call out our name. Her cheeks were rosy from all of the laughter we shared today and I honestly felt like we were on our way to being a happy couple. Like things are looking up for us, despite my biggest secret.

I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to be in the presence of this girl.

“Hey uh I wanted to ask you something real quick.”

“Sure. What’s up?”

“So, a couple of my friends and I are planning on having a little cookout in like a week. It’s just us coming together and having a good time.. and my bandmates will be there too. Well um.. I was wondering if you maybe wanted to come along? If you’re busy, I totally understand and it’s not – ”

“I would love to.” She cut me off. “Really?” I asked as she nodded. “Is it okay with you if I bring a friend or two? I’d like to have somebody there with me that I know besides you.” I laughed. “Of course. The more the merrier.”

I feel a little safe now to finally show her off to my friends. I mean, what’s the harm now? I doubt Richard will know who she is, Johann promised me that he wouldn’t tell anyone and the ones who know are excited to meet her. This is gonna be great, I know it.

It may have started off with me wanting to get with Emilia, but I found someone better and I don’t want to let her go.

“I’ll send you the details then.” I smiled as I saw her get up. “Oh! Hold that thought, they just called our name. Let’s go get our food! I’m hungry.” She laughed as she started walking away, me slowly following after her. I can’t wait to show her off now that I feel less guilty and everyone wanting to meet her. This is gonna be good, I know it.

After we had picked up our food, we had walked out and went back to my car and I drove us to a Drive – In movie theatre. (Y/N) has told me in the past that she hasn’t gone to one of these things in such a long time and wanted to go before they close it. I paid for our tickets and drove us to where there’s not a lot of people parked beside us. We both got out of the car as I opened the trunk, setting up the blankets and pillows I had brought with me. 

“We’re all set.” I smiled as she climbed up, me following after her. “The movie should start any minute now, so we came just in time.” 

She placed one of the pillows behind her back and sat up, reaching over for the food we had just bought earlier. “What? I’m hungry.” She laughed and reached inside the bag, taking out the breaded steak sandwiches. “Hey, I didn’t say anything.” She handed me mine and got herself comfortable.

People were grilling, many brought chairs to sit outside their cars and others were waiting in line to go and buy some snacks. This is such an old school type of date and honestly I am living for it. Soon enough, ‘Spider – Man: Into the Spider – Verse’ started playing on the big screen as people were now getting themselves ready to see the movie.

“I used to come to the Drive – In every once in a while with my family when I was younger.” She spoke. “Really?” I asked as she nodded. “I loved it. There was one time.. haha me and my dad had brought chairs, and these were the type where you could lie back and look up at the sky. We sat outside of the car while the rest of my family stayed inside. In the middle of the movie, I guess my dad must’ve gotten way too comfortable because the next thing I knew, I could hear him snoring next to me.” She laughed. “I tried to wake him up because the people who were next to us could hear him and he just told me that we’re never gonna see those people again and went back to sleep.”

“Oh my God..” I laughed as she leaned against me. “Yeah, that’s my dad for you.” Having her here in my arms.. I couldn’t wish for anything better. It honestly feels like we’re the only two people here even those there’s a little over a hundred of us here.

At some point during the movie, we had completely forgotten about it and just ended up lying down next to each other, sharing stories and stealing kisses. Honestly, tell me… what could be better than this? My index finger and thumb lifted up her chin so she could look directly at me as I leaned in for another kiss. I placed one of my hands on her waist, running my fingers up and down her side. I brought her a little closer to me as she pulled her lips away from my own and giggled. “I’m ticklish there..”

I raised my eyebrow and smirked. “Oh, really? Do you mean.. here?” I tickled the side of her stomach as she let out a laugh. “Joel! S – Stop! Hahaha!” She tried to push me away from her, but I held her in place as I continued, wanting to hear her laugh once more. “Joel! People – hahaha! – People are g – gonna be looking at us – ssss!” I stopped my movements as I let her breathe for a few moments.

“Oh my.. hahaha! Pinche Joel!” She chuckled and moved away as I lifted up my hands again. “N – No!”

“Relax!” I laughed. “I was just gonna do this..” I moved a strand of her hair away as I placed my lips on hers, giving her a quick kiss. “Did you think I was gonna tickle you again?” I smirked as she nodded. “I mean, I can always – ”

“No! Please!” We laughed as I leaned against my elbow, hoisting me up a bit as I looked at her. Her cheeks were rosy from smiling so much and her hair was all over the place… she was breathtaking. I got closer, leaning in as my lips hovered over hers for a few seconds. I could feel her breath against mine as I looked into her eyes. She’s so beautiful…

“Are you gonna kiss me or not?” She asked as I chuckled, leaning down and placing a sweet kiss onto her lips.

Another perfect date. I can’t wait for many more…

Next Chapter

~~

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[jaideite]

Maybe some headcanons with bakugo and a male s/o?? Most of the x readers I see with bakugo have femme s/o's so itd be a nice change in pace

Ahhh yes :))

I usually try to make my headcanons gender neutral for everyone. When I do this, I usually throw in a girl joke (like in the body swap one I cross out the text for a girl reader as it’s not needed but I added it in anyways) if that makes any sense haha. But lemme see what I can whip up hmm? ;)

BAKUGOU WITH A MALE S/O

KATSUKI BAKUGOU

— ok but him stretching makes me drool y’all see that slim ass waist

— first off

— congratulations on wriggling your way into bakugou’s mind (and not being midoriya)

— your constantly popping up in his head

— he thinks your a pretty cool boy

— props also cause to him your a really pretty boy you inconsiderate fuck

— like todoroki pretty

— second of all

— F in the chat for you cause this boy is in such denial it’s actually comical

— he is the literal definition of “if a boy messes with you it means they like you”

— he always tries to challenge you over the littlest things

— “HA, fuckin idiot! Bet you couldn’t finish all that shit!”

— “Your one to talk with all that spicy curry.”

— “Is that a challenge?!”

— “Dude I—“

— “ITS ON!”

— everytime you walk past him he just outstretches his leg and tries to trip you

— but you catch it and manage to step over it

— you can hear his teeth grinding

— he also tries to impress you

— which you find really weird because

— “I can do the same thing....”

— “Not with those whimpy noodle arms you fucking can’t.”

— “Shut the fuck up. My arms are not weak.”

— you casually flex and he feels his face heat up and that sight goes straight to his di—

— “Pick this shit up and I will, dipshit.”

— he is always rough on you with training

— he claims “You think villains will go easy on your stupid ass?! Toughen up, you dumbfuck.” y’all hear them bars

— he absolutely hates it whenever you hang out with Midoriya

— “Oi, quit hanging around that nerd.”

— “Who are you to tell me who I can hang out with?”

— “I don’t wanna hear both of you muttering later on, you fuck!”

— eventually you start to pick up on it

— the way he always cooks your favorite meal and makes sure your eating properly

— he always makes sure to make sure you don’t overdo yourself during training

— he even personally offered to train you and you ????

— he yelled in your face and said “I WANNA MAKE SURE I BEAT YOUR ASS WHEN I BECOME NUMBER ONE YOU HEAR?!”

— “...Not with you yelling in my ear I can’t you fuck.”

— Since your boys you guys get away with breaking curfew

— this is how you’ve gotten closer tbh

— you besides the bakusquad are like the only people who have been in his room

— slowly yall get closer n closer

— you got invited to go to the movies once with the Bakusquad

— and it was a scary movie

— “Kaminari you’re a genius.”

— “I know. Wanna see me stick this metal fork in a socket?”

— “I take it back. Your a fucking idiot.”

— but anyways so they all plan it so you don’t have a choice but to sit next to bakugou

— and you have no problem with that

— y’all have been getting closer together

— so you sit together and the movie starts and it’s alright until one of the first jumpscares

— he looks over to you and you just ( 0-0 )

— “Oi, fucknut, you alright?”

— “Yeah man I’m fine.”

— “Oh.”

— so it’s quiet until another jumpscare comes on and you immediately grab his hand and he

— oop full on gay panic

— the squad isn’t even paying attention to the movie their just recording bakugou in his gay panic

— he’s arguing with his mind

— “holdinghandsholdinghandsholdinghands”

— “Doesnt holding hands lead to pregnancy?”

— “You idiot y/n has a dick. That’s for girls, and you made it clear you don’t like girls.”

— “So then what the hell does holding hands with a guy lead to???”

— his mind goes blank for a second and then

— “Gay se—“

— “LET GO OF MY FUCKING HAND IDIOT!” He starts annoyed

— the whole theatre just “SHHHHH”

— so you just whisper a sorry and continue

— and his gay panic is over with for now lol

— and then like thirty minutes later you grab his arm to cover your eyes

— and oh boy his mind just goes completely blank man

— you guys know that scene in spongebob where he makes the Krusty Krab look nice for squidward and then I think they ask for a name and Spongebob’s brain is scrambling for a name

— that’s an accurate representation of his mind right now

— eventually the movies over and you guys make your way back to the dorms.

— and you say goodbye to everyone as you guys make your way up to your rooms

— “You were holding my hand during the movie.” He blurts out. You just turn to him and “HMm?”

— he rolls his eyes. “You were holding my hand. Are you seriously that scared of horror movies?”

— “Actually the movie was pretty good, not gonna lie. I think the plot was pretty interesting.”

— “You were hiding behind my goddamn arm, fucknut?”

— “Oh yeah. Your hands are nice to hold, despite them being really sweaty. I’d like to do it again.”

— he kind of just pauses and ‘hUh’

— “So you WERENT sCARED?!? YOU JUST WANTED TO HOLD MY SWEATY ASS HAND?!”

— “Uh...yeah...I hope you don’t mind that. I had already seen the movie but when I heard you were going I wanted to go with you...I really like spending time with you.”

— well this explains you putting his hand over your eyes three seconds before that one horrifying scene

— hes gonna go into another gay panic

— you wanted to spend time with him??

— but he always teases you and beats you up??

— you... you like that ???

— he—I—whaa???

— “Y-You like spending time with me??” He croaks

— you keep rubbing your neck and chuckling nervously and oop your blushing in the dimly lit hallway “Yeah...in fact I like you...a lot...like in that way...”

— man he is just all kinds of confused

— you like him???

— like that??

— like they way he’s been thinking about you for the past couple of weeks

— you can’t get him out of your head like him

— oh

— oh

— oh fuck you

— he’s confused when you get this hurt look over your face “If your not into guys you could just tell me...no need to be harsh...”

— “No, fuck, it’s not that it’s just...”

— he takes a deep breath and grinds his teeth and he can smell the caramel in the air

— “I want to punch you...in the face...with my lips...and strangle you gently...with my arms...”

— you stare at him and blink before saying

— “You...you mean...you wanna make out?”

— that

— that’s...

— not what he was going for but he’ll take it

— like hell hes gonna pass up the chance to kiss your handsome face

— he just stupidly “uh huh’s” and stands there

— you kind of just grin softly and cup his face in your hands

— “Katsuki Bakugou...I’m going to kiss you now...”

— “Uh hUh.”

— “Please do not blow me up.”

— he blinks cause whaa—

— oh shit your lips are on his

— oh shit your kissing him

— oh shit kISS BACK YOU DUMMY—

— all of a sudden he’s just kissing you and it’s great

— your lips are somewhere in between chapped and soft for and for a guy your a great kisser

— him uh not so much so he’s kind of lost as he grips your jacket face flustered

— eventually you pull away and then laugh

— “You are a terrible kisser.”

— he wants to blow up your flustered handsome face but instead he just

— “W-why don’t we go in my room and you teach me how to kiss better?”

— you blink at him

— “There is no way you are that smooth, dude.”

— “sHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET IN MY ROOM SO WE CAN MAKE OUT!”

— he pulls the door open and yanks you inside

— poor kirishima can’t sleep cause he can legit hear all that nsfw ness going on cause we know those walls ain’t shit oop

[zmediaoutlet]

you saw endgame! please share with the class! assemble!

haha, okay, well–here’s some thoughts, since we’re far enough out that I don’t think this will be too spoilery for people – but it’s gonna be super long, so it’s under a cut, either way:

Well, it was–spectacular! In that it was literally a spectacle, for one thing. I had pretty lowered expectations after not particularly enjoying Captain Marvel (it was fine, but boring) or Infinity War for that matter (better-made, but the stakes were obviously nonexistent because we knew something was going to be done). Here, though… I just really, thoroughly enjoyed it. It was thoughtfully done, well-executed, and just as a moment of payoff for those of us who have been here all ten years… It was just really something. I saw Iron Man on opening weekend in 2008 and fell in love, and even if I haven’t loved every single movie since then, I feel like Marvel just sent me a love letter, and I was so–glad. What a good movie-going experience it was.

I say all that having seen SO MUCH rending of garments and gnashing of teeth from the !stans and shippers, but all of that’s so very much missing the point. This is the story of *this series*, this great arc that led to this point. The thing to remember is that the MCU is fanfiction itself–it’s based off of characters who are based off of characters from a canon that’s been rebooted and re-blended about a billion times. This is the story this group of fic-writers, essentially, chose to tell, and I think they did it pretty damn well. You can write your own fic where Steve weeps into Bucky’s hair for 70 years if you want to. This story isn’t that, and that’s okay. (Genuinely, if fandomites could take like half a step back they’d be much happier people. I know it’s hard–I’ve been in a process of letting go with SPN that I haven’t really managed to do well–but c’mon. Don’t get so het up about it.)

Some things:

1) I was genuinely impressed with the time travel mechanism, especially as it bounced meta-ly off of other examples we’ve seen in pop culture. Finally, a story that allows ACTUAL alternate-universe time travel instead of boring-ass time loops. I’ve always thought it was spectacularly dumb when the worry is “but if I kill myself in the past, I’ll die now!” Nope! Avoided! Thank you, folks. It’s kind of weirding me out that so many people online seem confused about how the time travel worked, but it was incredibly clean and I just want to high five the people involved. The one thing that seemed like a plot hole was Old Steve at the end, with the implication that he was co-existent in this timeline for 70 years (and did nothing about Hydra??)–but then the Russos said that they assume he went to an alternate timeline, and then came back to this one to give Sam the shield. It wasn’t on screen either way so you can make your own headcanon, but I’m good with that. So: successful time travel. Hoo-fucking-rah.

2) Thor. This was the one real spoiler I had going in, that Thor Got Fat. All this weeping about how he’d been mistreated by the narrative. So, I was pre-emptively worried… and then ended up not thinking it was that bad. Look, I’m a chubster, I’m well-aware of how sensitive that can be for people. What I found interesting about it was that it was, yes, kind of a visual joke, just because The God of Abs was a pudge, but it was actually treated remarkably kindly by every character for whom that would be in-character. Meaning, sure, Rocket makes fun of him, and Rhodey’s kind of a dick (because Rhodey’s like that with Tony, even)–but Bruce, Steve, and even Tony all deal with him quite gently. That scene where he tries to volunteer for the gauntlet and Tony carefully holds him back was so sweet and sad. Poor guy. It was a good exploration of the depths that the last ~10 years of his life have pummeled him into. It wasn’t that he was fat, it’s that he was broken. People will make up their own minds about the equivalencies there and what’s being implied, but it was a good visual metaphor as far as I was concerned. If he were “just” a sad drunk no one would have believed that he wasn’t ready for what was coming, and he wasn’t. But he got better, because his friends really were there for him. (Also, Korg was wearing Taika’s pineapple shirt! I hope there are nice fics where Korg and Maik gently just play XBox with Thor because that’s all they can do for him.) 

Also on Thor, re: Thor/Loki – more rending of garments about how he didn’t go see Loki. Let’s think about this: you’re on a top-secret time mission to save the universe (Time Heist!), and you go see your trickster god little brother who, yes, you miss, but who also hates you at this point in his life. That’ll go well. I completely understand why there wasn’t a scene. The scene with Frigga was all I needed there.

3) Steeb: I’ve never been the… biggest fan of Steve. I mean, he’s fine. His character is caught awkwardly between the man, Steve Rogers, who abhors bullies and will break rules to do what’s right, and between The Man, Captain America, who kinda Is Rules and needs to do what’s right but also represents an idea greater than himself. There’s a lot of wonderful tension there, but the movies haven’t particularly capitalized on it, and when they’ve tried it’s been in a lip-servicey way.

That said, this movie deals with it really, really well, I think. At the beginning he’s trying to live, and isn’t doing a great job of it. The plan they come up with is simple, perfect heroism – he’s not representing an Ideal, but he is one: he’s the man and the ideal simultaneously, that striving toward right will eventually create a more just, fairer world. If sacrifice is required he’s willing to make it. That scene of him standing alone against the massed forces of Thanos with his broken shield strapped tight to his arm is like a distillation of who Captain America should be. I’m so glad we got that, at the end.

As someone who doesn’t invest in Steve/Bucky but who completely understands it, I also see no issue with the thing where he goes back to Peggy. Bucky understands, too. That moment where they hug and he tells Steve, so-softly, “I’ll miss you,” oh man, oof. Bucky knows. I hope there’s a lot of pining!Bucky in that fandom, y’all are missing out on a STELLAR opportunity if not. Especially pining!Bucky where Steve knows and can only do his best to be Bucky’s friend. Steve going back isn’t out of character, either, despite the clamoring. He misses Peggy, he misses peace. Who knows what they got up to in that alternate timeline–maybe he and Peg went and routed Hydra early, maybe they saved Bucky, maybe they had a WWThreesome with Buck, whatever. But Natasha and Tony both told Steve to “get a life,” and he finally got to. He’d done enough. He earned it.

4) OH MY GOD, NATASHA. What a character arc. I friggin’ adore the mirroring of her and Clint’s stories. The brutal assassin who gained a family and learned what it meant to love something so much she wanted to sacrifice herself for it–those scenes on Vormire were heartbreaking. I’m also super glad that the movie paused, after that. Someone called her death “fridging” – wow. No. She was a hero, as much as Tony was. Whatever it takes.

5) Tony. Holy shit. In a lot of ways this was his movie–in a more meta way, it was RDJ’s movie, and Favreau’s, and Feige’s. It all started with Iron Man, and that’s where it ended. There wasn’t a stinger scene because we got that funeral and then the moment in the credits with the originals signing the screen, and of course they saved Robert for last. The success of this movie is really a testament to the risk everyone took, way back then. It sure as hell paid off.

“You wouldn’t lay down on a grenade to save your men,” Steve said. How many different ways can Tony prove him wrong? At least once more. ;-;  I’m just super emotional about the whole thing. So many good moments all leading up to what happened. Little Morgan in his helmet, Pepper’s faith. Steve’s faith, for that matter. (I still have a tiny pocket of my heart reserved for Steve/Tony, no matter how non-canon it is. What a great relationship they have.) The panic and misery when Carol brought them back, calling Steve a liar, and Steve just–gentle with him, again, and how there was no anger there anymore. Argh. 

That’s the thing that I think I appreciated about the movie most, in the end. Despite all the craziness, the spectacle, the easter eggs slinging at you left and right (”Hail Hydra.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!), what I loved most is that in the face of this ultimate goal, this literally universe-saving moment, the stakes were actually felt because the characters (and actors, and script) sold how unimaginably important it was. Interpersonal bickering fell by the wayside; any dumb conflicts just washed away. No drama for its own sake, or manufactured arguments. Just–working together. The Avengers we hoped to get in the aftermath of the first team movie. We got ‘em, finally, even if we lost a lot too.

This all sounds super elegiac, I guess. It sort of is. It wasn’t a perfect movie by any means, but it might be perfect for what it meant to do, and what it set out to do. There were a couple of little nitpicky things that I might change, but they’re so small so as not even to be mentioned. And so many more tiny moments that I loved, loved, loved. It’s the first one of these movies that I’ve wanted to rewatch in literal years, and that’s making me really happy all on its own. I’m just left with this utter… satisfaction. Not sad, just happy that they made it worth my while.

Put another way: when I was leaving Shazam I felt like I’d spent about 4 hours wasting my time. When I was leaving Endgame, I felt like it had been an instant. Just yay, all ‘round. I loved it three thousand.

What did you think?

[elareine]

In the shallows

Chapter: 2/6 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings for this chapter: Some swearing, mentions of racism (no slurs), guns and addiction Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, NO CAPES, Identity Porn, Romantic Comedy, Drama & Romance, Texting, Online Dating AO3: /18803473

Chapter One

Why is LA traffic so terrible.

R_n_R: You get used to it.

It’s like there’s a thousand damned souls on the freeway each morning and we just haven’t noticed we died yet.

R_n_R: Jesus, did you skip your coffee or something?

…Maybe.

Big day today. Wish me luck!

Two weeks into the pre-filming stage, Jason and Dick finally got together to work on the music.

“So. This is when they first become a couple, right?”

Dick frowned. “I don’t know if that’s accurate. They don’t kiss until after that scene, and they don’t talk about it until much, much later.”

Jason honest to God was rolling his eyes at him. “You honestly think they need to kiss to be together? They’ve both made the decision to do this, right?”

Dick barely managed not to yell at him. “I don’t think it was that conscious for Vano, but continue.”

“Thank you.” The sarcasm was grinding. “So I got the bridge and all that, but we need to figure out the chorus part. It’ll be you alone at first and then together. Like this…”

Jason started playing.

Listening to him, Dick felt all his annoyance fade. Say whatever you wanted about Jason - the man knew how to write songs. Hearing him sing live was different from streaming him on Spotify, too. It felt a bit surreal to be in a room with this… this genius.

“For arrangements, I was thinking just the acoustic guitar at first, then later the piano and more strings. Drums for the finale.”

“Yeah, it’s good.” That was admittedly a bit of an understatement.

Jason didn’t look fazed by Dick’s apparent lack of enthusiasm. “Here are the lyrics. Let’s try it together, yeah?”

After a deep breath on Dick’s side, they did. It was fine until they came to the chorus Jason had talked about. It had sounded great when Jason had done it alone, but with Dick…

There were a lot of long notes and Christina-Aguilera-style ’ah-ah-ah’s. It was just a lot. Dick barely got through it.

Jason didn’t look impressed, either. “Okay, again. Just the second part. This time, remember to breathe and get loud. Put some power into it.”

Dick glared. Way to be encouraging, asshat. “Okay, bring it.”

Infuriatingly, Jason just grinned as he started playing again. At least Dick was annoyed enough to forget about worrying. It probably improved his performance.

Still, he felt kind of stupid, singing his heart out as if he was at carpool karaoke.

“Better. Again. Stop feeling self-conscious.”

“Oh, thank you, that helps.”

“You’re an actor, right?” Jason barked. “So act. This isn’t your song, it’s Vano’s.”

Right. Vano, who loved Mateo and wanted to share this moment with him. Who found a voice in this scene.

“I’m off the deep end, watch as I dive in // I’ll never meet the ground // Crash through the surface // Where they can’t hurt us // We’re far from the shallow now…”

Dick’s heart beat faster when they finally came to a finish. Yeah, okay. That had been much better.

Jason looked approving, too. Despite every bad thought Dick had about him, that did feel good. “Fucking great.”

Before Dick could, you know, bask in the compliment or anything, he added: “Though you were off-key. This is G major, not minor. Again.”

It was going to be a long day.

Do you sing, too? Or just play the guitar?

R_n_R: Hey, there’s no ‘just’ about it! Guitar is difficult!

R_n_R: I sing too, though, yeah. Why?

I don’t know how people do it.

R_n_R: Talent and work. The usual combination.

No, I don’t mean that.

Don’t you feel exposed?

R_n_R: Pretty sure there is an exhibitionist joke in here somewhere

R_n_R: No, but seriously, aren’t you an actor? What’s different about singing? Just that it’s less your thing?

That too. I’m vain, in case you didn’t notice. I’m not me on stage or in front of the camera though, am I?

R_n_R: Interesting. I never looked at acting that way.

R_n_R: With singing it’s… I mean, I’m a songwriter because I think there has to be truth in the music. Even if it’s just a fun song about sex.

R_n_R: People notice when you’re just putting it on. Might be enough for a hit or two with the right manager, but you’re not going to last.

R_n_R: Look at Adele. Are her songs revolutionary? No. Are they continually evolving masterpieces of songwriting? No. But it’s not just her voice. She’s got that magic. You believe every emotion she sings about. It’s never too much.  

R_n_R: Not saying there isn’t a skill to it. Obviously there is.

That’s what I’m worried about. Lessons can only teach you so much.

R_n_R: This for a recording?

Yeah. Sorry, can’t tell more.

R_n_R: It’s all good, I know how it is.

R_n_R: Who cares if you get it right the first time then? You’re not playing live. Auto-tune and techs will fix what you can’t.  If the songs are good (I’m assuming you didn’t write them) and you’re decent technically, just focus on being honest. Or honest in your role.

R_n_R: I have no idea how that part works, obviously.

Haha, thanks. That’s actually reassuring, tbh.

And no, I don’t write the songs. Wouldn’t even know where to start. How do you do it?

R_n_R: Depends. Sometimes it’s a motif (melody snippet) I can’t get out of my head, sometimes a feeling or a song lyric. Then I just sit down and try it out until I got a solid idea, and then write it down. And then it changes again when I’m playing it with other musicians. How do you approach a performance?

I usually get a script, right? So it’s not making it up in my head so much as trying to understand what the writers and the director envision and then turn that into a fully formed character with mannerisms and a distinct voice and all that. I used to fill out reference sheets with character building questions, but these days, it comes naturally.

But honestly, movies are broken down into small scenes that you repeat over and over and over again, so it’s more important to stay in that moment. You need to be able to fix it on a character timeline, sure, but ideally, you stay in the feeling and give the director something slightly different each time to work with.

Why, got a big acting job lined up?

R_n_R: Luckily, it’s not much of a requirement in music videos, but I’ll take any help I can get ;)

R_n_R: But seriously, enough shop talk. Wanna watch another episode?  

Even as filming started in earnest, relations between Jason and Dick didn’t exactly improve. They didn’t argue all the time, but Dick was always relieved when someone else joined them for lunch. One Tuesday, it was one of the main sound technicians. Dick barely knew him, but Jason seemed to, as they immediately started a good-natured argument over West Coast vs East Coast venues.

Honestly, it was pretty funny. Despite himself, Dick laughed when Jason described New York clubs as “full of wannabe writers and singers”, but still better than “the wannabe-celebrities in LA”.

Kyle looked at him. “You’re both from New York, right?”

Jason snorted. “You say that as if it means we should know each other, Kyle. Are you still on about that East Coast Elite conspiracy shit? ‘Cause let me tell you, we ain’t it.”

Always escalating the situation, that man.

“I was born there, yeah,” Dick acknowledged to diffuse the situation, “but my parents were circus folk, so…”

Kyle looked taken aback. Dick was used to that, so he just added: “We never stayed anywhere long. I consider our circus my home town.”

“Huh. Well, I’m from a small town in South Carolina.

“I’ve seen your so-called ‘town’, Kyle.” Jason actually made the air quotes with his fingers. “It’s about as Guns, Jesus and Country Music as you can get.”

“And yet you played our local theater.”

“Dude, in the beginning I would’ve played a McDonald if they’d paid us in veggie burgers.”

Kyle slapped his back, laughing. “That’s my Jason.”

Jason flinched visibly. Then he tried to laugh it off immediately, but Kyle looked at him with concern. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, just took a tumble a couple of days ago. Just a pulled muscle.” He grinned. “Don’t go thinking your weak-ass slap did that, dude.”

Despite himself, Dick cringed. He’d been injured for most of the filming of ‘Step Up 6 - Heatin’ Up The South’ and it had been a pretty shitty experience. ‘A star is born’ wasn’t nearly as physical, but thinking of all the lifting Jason had had to do over and over again this morning, he offered: “Would you like some painkillers? Pretty sure I got some in my trailer.”

“No.” Jason’s answer was more brusque than the offer demanded. Even Jason himself seemed to realise that because he added: “Thank you. I took something earlier, don’t want to mix.”

Yeah, when exactly? They’d been stuck together for the entire day. Dick would’ve noticed. Still, he mentally shrugged it off. If Jason wanted to be in pain, he could be, for all Dick cared. 

 Tell me about yourself.

 R_n_R: Uh.

 Not, like, identifying information. What do you like, besides music and movies with plenty of explosions?

 R_n_R: This isn’t going to be much of a surprise, but travelling. It’s one of the best things about being on tour.

 Do you have time to really see a place?

 R_n_R: I try to take it these days if scheduling allows.

 R_n_R:  My band’s, I mean. It loses us some money, but I think we all benefit if it’s not just one anonymous stadium after the other.

 God, yes, I hate that about press tours. At least with filming on location, you get to see the area. What’s your favorite place to visit?

 R_n_R: Yeah, with promotions I never know where I am, either. Favorite place…

 R_n_R: Man, that’s difficult.

 R_n_R: What’s yours?

 Just so you know, I can tell you’re stalling. Tokyo blows me away every single time. I got to see a lot of Japan, actually, and it was so beautiful.

 R_n_R: I went on this Japanese game show once, it was fun. Just doing physical games against a boyband that’s super famous there. Not much talking needed, which was good because I always feel terrible I don’t speak more than a few phrases of the language.

 Well, you’re just traveling through, right? At least you tried.

 C’mon, answer my question.

 R_n_R: I kind of fell in love with Berlin.

 R_n_R: Not the prettiest city by any means, but there’s just so much on offer and no one looks at you twice no matter what you do or look like.

 Sounds like New York.

 R_n_R: Kind of, yeah. They have a similar vibe, but obviously, Berlin is more European. Also amazing bookshops. I stumbled upon one that’s sci-fi and fantasy only.

 Wouldn’t the books be in German?

 R_n_R: Nah, there were plenty of English ones (and other languages). It’s a very international city. The seller told me many people like to read books in their original language, if possible, and most of them speak English in some capacity.

 So you like reading then?

 R_n_R: Yeah.

 R_n_R: Confession: I spent most of the day just there. There was a market hall with food stands right next to it and two more bookshops, one specialising in mysteries, and yeah. I got stuck.

 Sounds amazing.

 Though I gotta admit, I prefer audiobooks these days. Just more convenient to listen to while I’m doing something else.

 R_n_R: See, I can’t do that, I need to sink into it.

 I’m just bad at sitting still.

 R_n_R: Not judging! I think it’s cool there are so many ways to get to experience a story these days.

 R_n_R: Listened to anything good lately?

Dick tried to be a giving actor, really. Until today, Jason had been a receptive partner. Today, though, he was going through the motions woodenly, not picking up on any cues, really. It negatively influenced Dick’s own acting, and Dick could feel himself tensing up, knew he was slipping from the character.

Two hours and countless takes into the scene and Dick snapped.

“What the fuck are you doing,” he asked even before Kate called ‘cut’.

Jason glared at him. “My job.”

“No, you’re fucking not!”

“Both of you, shut up.” Kate wasn’t happy. “We’ll take twenty. Get over whatever crawled up your asses and come back ready to work.”

Jason nodded and wordlessly stalked off. Dick forced a smile on to his face: “Sorry, Kate.”

She rolled her eyes and waved him off.

Whatever, this wasn’t his fault, Dick thought as he walked over to his trailer. Jason was just impossible today. Fuming, he took out his phone, ready to complain to Rock_n_Rumble, when he saw that there was a text waiting for him.

 R_n_R: Not feeling so great today.  

Immediately, Dick shoved Jason the back of his mind. That asshole wasn’t that important.

 :( What’s happening?

 R_n_R: Just ran into an asshole racist this morning.

 ?? Are you okay??? What happened??

 R_n_R: Said he was a fan, but, you know, clearly didn’t get the memo that I’m not available for his white supremacy bullshit.

Dick knew that feeling all too well. His blue eyes made it easy for people to forget he was Romani. These days he tried to talk about it as often as he could in interviews and stuff, but… people saw what they wanted to see.

R_n_R: Nothing unusual - you know how it is right now - but he was carrying a gun and I wasn’t. Didn’t pull it, but.

That sounds terrifying R

R_n_R: Kinda was. I dunno, I’m just still feeling slightly off-kilter right now and I can’t concentrate at work.

That’s understandable. Can you take a break?

R_n_R: Am on one right now.  

Me too. Won’t be long tho - anything I can do?  

R_n_R: Tell me not to do what I used to.

Dick’s mind started racing with the possibilities, but all he typed was: Whatever it is, don’t. Those assholes aren’t worth it.

R_n_R: Thank you.

R_n_R: Okay, time to pull myself together. No use taking it out on the wrong people. I can go punch something later.

Look, there’s literally no way you’re being as much of an asshole as my co-worker today, so.

R_n_R: Pretty sure there’s every way, but I’ll do better now.

As if on cue, there was a knock on Dick’s door. “Mr Grayson? Filming will resume in five.”

“Thank you, I’ll be right there!”

Gotta go. Take care, ok? <3

R_n_R: You too. Punch your co-worker for me.

When he returned to set, Dick wasn’t in any mind to deal with Jason’s shit, but the other man seemed to have pulled himself together. He didn’t talk at all beyond the necessary between takes, which usually would have annoyed Dick to no end but honestly worked out better than what happened before.

Turned out they didn’t need many takes after that.

Maybe it had just been Jason being scared of being vulnerable? Dick knew some of these tough guy types were.

Still. He would have expected the guy to be enough of a professional to not let it bleed into their work and fuck it up for everyone else.

When he fell onto his couch that evening with a sigh of relief, Dick’s phone chimed with a new message.

R_n_R: Sorry to have put that on you.

R_n_R: I did mention I was an addict before, right?

In passing.

Dick was about to add more, to tell him it was okay, that they didn’t need to talk about it today, but R_n_R kept texting as if he hadn’t seen Dick’s ‘typing’ status.

R_n_R: I don’t know what it’s like for actors but honestly, once you’re on tour and even halfway famous, drugs are fucking everywhere. It’s not an excuse - I grew up with that shit, I know better. Got put on some opiates for an injury and never got off.

R_n_R: So I needed pills to push me up.

R_n_R: And alcohol for my nerves, which weren’t doing so great with all the other stuff I was taking. Weird, right?

Dick’s hands were shaking. Now more than ever, he wished he could at least hear R_n_R’s voice on the phone to soothe him; or better yet, be face to face with him. Hold him through what was clearly a painful thing to tell.

R, it’s fine. You don’t need to tell me.

R_n_R: No, you should know what it means. You know, if we ever meet. I’m always going to be an addict, just hopefully a clean one.

R_n_R: My mom died of an overdose. I’m not going to be her.

Promise?

R_n_R: I promise.

R_n_R: And you never need to worry about setting me off, okay? Like. Even if you decide I’m an asshole and not worth it tomorrow, my stuff isn’t on you.

Dick hadn’t even realised he had tears in his eyes until one dropped down on the screen. Still, he was smiling, too.

Thank you. For that promise and for telling me.

I don’t think you’re an asshole at all. Kind of the opposite tbh.

[danithegrrrl]

Fall Festival

 This is for Batfam Halloween Content War day 2! (it’s still Thursday in some parts of the country..right? haha..) The prompt was “Celebration.”

Summary: Dick convinces his siblings to attend the fall festival so Damian can see what it’s all about! They day they end up having, from start to finish, is the best Dick can remember. 

Words: 2063

Rating: Gen 

AO3 Link

Tim picked up his phone from where it was buzzing on the table. Caller ID said it was Tam, so he pushed the button and answered it. “Hello?”

“Yeah, uh, any reason you cancelled literally EVERYTHING you had planned for tomorrow?”

Tim blinked. “What?”

“Yeah. My dad told me you had a meeting with the board tomorrow afternoon and you cancelled it. I thought it was weird, but then I saw that you’d cancelled two other afternoon appointments you had! What’s going on?” Tam sounded frustrated and a little hysterical.

Tim really didn’t understand. There’s no way he would’ve cancelled those meetings, and he was already on Tam’s bad side at the moment. “Okay wait, I know I had to cancel a couple last week, but I didn’t-“ Tim paused as he saw Dick stealthily slipping around the corner to reach for the fridge handle. “Hold on, Tam.”

Tim watched his brother silently. Dick continued to slowly open the fridge and grab the milk. As if Tim wouldn’t see him if he moved slow enough.

“Dick, do you know about this?”

“About what?” He slowly unscrewed the cap on the milk, avoiding eye contact with Tim.

“…Dick…”

“You’re gonna go with me to the Fall Festival tomorrow with me and Dami.” Dick looked up at him and smiled apologetically.

Tim blinked for a moment, then looked at the ceiling and took five seconds to breathe. “Okay,” he said to Tam again. “I’m really sorry Tam, something came up. I had to cancel.”

“Tim, I- That’s such an obvious lie! You just said you didn’t- I HEARD you talking to your brother!”

Tim felt a little guilty over making his poor coworker hysterical but he smiled a little despite himself. “Sorry. I’ll reschedule them, I promise. I’ll talk to you later, Tam.”

“Ugh.” Click.

Tim sighed and rolled his eyes to where Dick was drinking milk from the carton in front of the fridge. “At least some warning next time, yeah? I would’ve done it myself if I knew it was something this important to you.”

Dick screwed the cap back on the milk and set it back in the fridge. He rubbed his neck apologetically and came over to sit next to Tim. “I know you would’ve…but it was kinda more fun this way.” Tim watched as Dick’s eyes sparkled and even though he was only smiling softly, his eyes betrayed a mischievous grin.

Tim was silent for a moment. “Why do you want me to go so bad?”

Dick hummed for a second. “Because Dami thinks it’s for little kids, and it you go, then he’ll be okay with it. He looks up to you.”

Tim almost laughed. “He hates my guts.”

Dick thought for a moment. “He doesn’t hate you… you’re just the easiest to pick on.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Dick punched his shoulder lightly. “And he really does look up to you, actually. He sometimes says weird millennial phrases that even I don’t understand. It makes me feel old. That is all one hundred percent you and Steph.” Tim chuckled a little, but then Dick got serious. “He does respect you, though, you have to know that.”

Tim thought about it for a while and then sighed. “I mean I’m not gonna say no…where’s the festival?”

Tim saw Dick actually light up. He leaned forward and wrapped his long arms around Tim even from their uncomfortable angle. “Ahh thank you Timmy! Don’t worry about it, you’re riding with me and Dami. We’re also picking up Stephanie and Cass. Jason will meet us there.”

Tim chuckles. “Do they know that yet?”

Dick grinned. “They will.”

---

The next day, when they all got to the festival, Dick went off to get their tickets and wristbands and left the others at the entrance to wait for Jason. Stephanie explained excitedly to Cass how she used to come every year with her school to pick out pumpkins. Tim laughed and remembered aloud the time they came together for a field trip and Steph tripped over a haybale and fell flat on her face. By the time Dick came back with food tickets and six wristbands, Jason had also shown up and everyone was listening to Steph talk about the homemade pie contests. Damian seemed curious but wary, and Dick could tell that he was a little nervous. He had never been to a fall celebration before, so everything was so new to him.

“The pies are one of the best parts of the whole experience! We have to go there and check them out! Ooh, and I think they have apple cider in that area too!” Stephanie bounced on her feet as she explained with her hands, and Damian looked skeptical.

“How do you know they’re not poisoned? If they are home made, is there some sort of security check? Do they test them first?” Damian sounded genuinely curious, which both amused and worried Dick a little.

Dick laughed a little exasperated already. Damian was raised to be untrusting, and despite the tremendous progress they’ve made, he still had a long way to go. “Damian no, this is a festival. There’s kids here and stuff… the pie won’t kill us.”

Damian grumbled and hunched his shoulders up defensively, sensing that they thought he was being paranoid. “It might.”

Jason shrugged. “It is Gotham.”

Dick smacked him on the back of the head. “Not funny.”

Jason rubbed his head and tried to hold back a grin. “I thought it was,” he mumbled under his breath.

“Alright, everyone takes one wristband and five tickets. Wristbands get you all the activities and one pumpkin. You’ve got five food tickets so use them wisely,” Dick explained, tearing off the tickets and handing them out.

As they all fixed the wristbands on, Stephanie gasped and pointed behind Damian. “Cass, pumpkin bowling! You’d be so good at this, c’mon!” Dick smiled as Steph pulled Cass by the hand, and grabbed hold of Damian’s sleeve as well. “Come on demon, let’s go wreck some little kids in pumpkin bowling.”

Damian spluttered for a second, looking at Dick wide-eyed, before following Steph and Cass, surprisingly allowing her to keep hold of his jacket sleeve. Dick watched as they ran off towards the crowd.

Jason nudged Tim and gestured to Dick with his head. “Look at him fawning over his baby siblings. It’s disgusting.”

Dick broke his adoring look towards the girls and Damian to glare at Tim and Jason as they both snickered.

“Let’s get some food, I’m starving,” Tim said starting towards the food trucks. Dick and Jason followed, keeping up light conversation along the way.

---

The whole day went on like this, the six of them meeting up for food and breaking up for some activities. Damian tried his first slice of pumpkin pie, they all painted small pumpkins, the girls went off to learn how to dip candles.

By the end of the day, as the sun fell lower in the sky and the wind got cold enough to make them shiver through their jackets and scarves, they packed up to go back home. Alfred insisted that they all come back to the manor for a warm dinner, so they headed back and even Jason followed close behind on his motorcycle.

When they got back with frozen fingers and red noses, Alfred turned on the fireplace and served up dinner. Bruce sat at the table as well, which is an increasingly less common occurrence, so Alfred was in a very good mood. They all chattered loudly over the table, retelling the events of the day to Bruce and Alfred. At one point, Cassandra handed Damian the tiny white pumpkin she had painted on, with little bats and pawprints all over it. Damian looked surprised, but Cassandra and Dick could see the warmth filling him up at the gesture. He even thanked her quietly, and set the pumpkin next to his glass like a decoration.

Cass and Steph then handed Alfred the fall-colored candles they had dipped for him, wrapped with little twine bows. He smiled and kissed each girl on the forehead, proceeding to switch out the current candle holders with the new decorations.

---

After dinner, Dick convinced them all to move to the living room and watch a Halloween movie to finish off their amazing day.

They ended up watching three movies, and by the middle of the third, the room was a mess. Popcorn and candy corn had been thrown around at each other, and blankets were pulled out of the linen closet, at least two for each person.

So by the time Bruce checked in on them before he went out to work for the night, he could hardly believe his eyes. Damian had fallen asleep with Cass curled up to one side and Steph sprawled on his other side, with a sleeping Titus at their feet. Tim had fallen asleep curled up in Bruce’s recliner, and Jason was sprawled over most of the couch, long legs dangling off the end. His head rested on a pillow that was leaned against a sleeping Dick, who was also curled up on the couch, but tipped over sideways against the armrest. The fireplace in the room made it warm but not hot. Bruce took a few minutes to admire his kids before he had to go into the cold night.

After a couple minutes, he realized that Dick was blinking blearily up at him from his spot on the couch.

“Bruce?” Dick’s voice was quiet and thick with sleep.

“Yeah.”

“Don’t go out tonight. It’s too cold,” Dick mumbled quietly. Bruce knew he must be mostly asleep, but still. Bruce had been out in much colder weather than this – Gotham winters were not kind. He knew that it really wasn’t that cold outside, and Dick was just half asleep. But something – probably Dick’s mind controlling powers that he had sometimes – told him to stay in. Just for the one night. It didn’t sound like such a bad idea.

“Okay,” he whispered, moving closer to Dick, whose eyes had slid shut again by this point.

Bruce reached for his oldest son’s hair and carefully brushed it out of his eyes.

“It was such as good day. The best,” Dick mumbled slowly, eyes still closed. Bruce was hit with a realization. He was no stranger to seeing Dick tired. Half-asleep, sometimes dozing on couches or half-slumped over the breakfast table. Dick had a horrible tendency to overwork himself – to push his limits until he needed sleep. But this was different. Dick wasn’t tired because he was exhausted, he was just tired after having a full, exciting day with his siblings. There were no dark circles under his eyes, no half-true smiles. He was surrounded by the warmth of his family, and that’s why he was content to sleep.

“I’m glad,” Bruce said quietly.

“Nobody even really fought. I haven’t seen Jason smile this much for… a long time.” Dick’s hand subconsciously moved down to touch the pillow Jason’s head was on. “Nobody got poisoned by the pies.” Bruce almost chuckled at this. Dick really must be half asleep. “I wish you were there,” Dick mumbled, cracking an eye open to look at Bruce, suddenly a little sad.

Bruce paused, his heart hurting just the slightest bit. The words I do too lingered on his tongue, but he didn’t say them. “Next time, Dick. I promise.”

“Mmm.” Dick seemed satisfied with this, because like a light, he closed his eyes and was out again.

Bruce stood and admired his wonderful children one more time, catching sight of Cassandra’s dark eyes watching him. She stayed where she was, curled against Damian, but her eyes looked warm and she smiled at Bruce. She delicately moved her hand to show him the “I love you” sign.

Bruce smiled gently and signed it back. Cassandra’s smile grew and she situated herself back into Damian, who didn’t stir.

Bruce slipped out of the room silently, thinking of Dick’s words. Even though he wasn’t a part of it, he is beyond glad that his kids had a wonderful day. He knows it usually doesn’t go so well trying to get their family to spend time together. Bruce made a mental note to properly thank Dick for arranging the whole thing, and headed off to bed for the night.

[mara-the-cactupus]

Re your post about shipping and r3ylo.. You mentioned you could guess from marketing where they might be going, do you mind sharing what you think? I’m just curious :) esp since you’re a filmmaker

Oh, haha, I’m not actually a filmmaker; it is one of my life plans and I love picking apart stories to see how they tick, and how I could work some of those elements into my own, but I have yet to write or direct a feature.

But nevertheless…

(TLJ SPOILERS AHEAD)

…

If I were to channel my younger self (back when I idolized the most predictable plots ever, thanks to my mostly fairytale-based upbringing) I would say that this sort of yin/yang, opposites-attract, beauty-and-the-beast tale of redemption and hope would absolutely make sense.

- platonic love in Star Wars -

Now, I don’t know if this means that they’re going for a R/K romance; I would definitely prefer if they didn’t, especially given that Kylo Ren is frankly a monster, and all of Star Wars’ romances have made me cringe so far.

In fact, I loved how Rogue One ended without a kiss; the only real romance of that movie was the sort of old-married-couple camaraderie of Chirrut Imwe and Baze Malbus.

I think Star Wars works better when it’s focused on familial themes, and keeps pairings platonic; just think of how much love exists between Luke and Leia, vs. Han and Leia. Perhaps I’m misreading the writers’ intentions, but that moment when Rose told Finn that she saved him because his life is worth more than sacrificing himself to take out the cannon (maybe a lesson she learned from losing her sister?) felt similar to Rey and Finn’s hug in The Force Awakens, or Jyn Erso and Cassian Andor’s embrace towards the end of Rogue One: warm, platonic, and full of affection or comfort. The way I interpreted it, Rose was so weak that hugging Finn was out of the question, so she mustered her strength for a small kiss instead.

- opposites attract / beauty and the beast -

The K/R relationship, on the other hand, reads a lot less like that kind of familial affection, and more like two characters whose destinies and identities are closely intertwined. If Star Wars had prophecies (…does it?), they would feature in one. They are opposites: light and dark, each trying to tug the other towards their side.

This also connects to the beauty-and-the-beast archetype that we love to repeat in fantasy romances: the good, pure woman believes that the flawed, violent monster is capable of being saved, and through her love he is able to redeem himself and become fully human.

This can be a problematic trope, especially since it’s usually framed so that the woman forgives the man’s abuse; nevertheless, it provides a compelling amount of angst and pining, which often resonates strongly with audiences. (Popular examples include the Dr@rry ship, which tugs on many readers’ heartstrings due to the combination of suppressed feelings + outward antagonism; the enemies-to-lovers trope in fanfic; or Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy’s relationship arc in Pride and Prejudice.) Conflict is often more compelling than simple, honest love… and Star Wars’ most famous romance, between Han and Leia, is proof that the franchise has a fondness for this kind of love-hate tension.

- yin and yang -

Now, I am not really a hardcore Star Wars fan and so I might be forgetting something, but from what I can remember, Star Wars has never really done this kind of two-character dichotomy before, which is a little surprising given that it’s a franchise based around these very yin/yang principles of light vs. dark. If they have, it’s been between a good character and a bad character; Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader, perhaps. Light and Dark are seen as opposites, and sort of by extension, good and evil/the Empire and the Rebels are that dichotomy. With Rey and Kylo Ren, there is potential for one (or both) to switch sides; Rey is untrained, and has the potential for darkness (Luke appears to be scared of her power in the trailer), while Kylo Ren is introduced in The Force Awakens as having an internal struggle that hints at the possibility of a redemption arc. They are two sides of the same coin.

(However, from what I understand, traditionally, yin and yang do not reflect good and evil. If yin and yang are two opposing forces that exist in everything, balancing them creates peace; therefore, “peace” cannot be one of the two forces, with “violence” as its opposite – and so “good” cannot be a force, with “evil” as its opposite.

This is particularly interesting when you consider the codebreaker’s point in The Last Jedi, that both sides power the same machine. Both sides use violence against the other, to restore their vision of order to the galaxy; the First Order’s happens to include genocide, but regardless of their moral purity, neither side technically embodies “peace.” So in that sense, they aren’t really opposites on the yin/yang scale.)

Despite this, Star Wars generally frames Light vs. Dark as synonymous with good vs. bad, so I suppose we can still interpret these as being two opposites of the yin/yang variety. So, for the sake of our purposes, yin is Dark/bad, and yang is Light/good.

- the Force as a midpoint between two opposites -

Luke teaches Rey that the Force is not something to be used by either side as a tool, but is instead the force that exists between all opposites – this implies that Force sensitive people are not inherently light/good or dark/evil, and make that choice individually. Rey makes this connection directly when she tells Luke that he was wrong to conclude that Kylo Ren needed to be stopped; she argued that his choice was not yet made… but our two characters view their status as Force-sensitive people in different ways:

Rey interprets this as proof that Kylo Ren has the potential to choose to join the Light side, despite his current status on the Dark side; she sees the conflict within him as a temporary state that can be fixed through his conversion.

On the other hand, Kylo Ren interprets the separation of the Force from either end of the spectrum as proof that he and Rey can exit the system entirely, “leave it all behind,” choosing neither the Light/Rebellion nor the Dark/First Order.

Kylo Ren sees that the two sides tug on each other and create endless conflict, in the same way that he and Rey tugged on the lightsaber and split it in two; he wants to resolve his internal conflict by rejecting the system entirely, and he wants to do that with Rey. Without her, he has no one.

- Kylo Ren’s reasons for wanting Rey to join him -

One of the biggest insights into the difference between Kylo Ren and Rey comes when he tells her that nobody cares about her except for him.

First of all, this statement is objectively inaccurate. Finn, Han, Leia, and Chewbacca have all shown fondness for Rey in the first film alone.

What he really means is that he has nobody who cares about him, except for her. Snoke and Hux treat him like garbage, his underlings probably hate him, he’s killed his father, estranged himself from his mother and uncle, and could never really go back and face them even if they forgave him, what with the guilt from all the people he’s murdered.

But she seems to care. What with their mental Force-Skype connection, and with her alternating between “you’re a monster” and “I saw the conflict in you” [there’s potential for goodness in you], he believes that maybe, just maybe, she might understand and sympathize with him. And he’s isolated himself for so long that he probably interprets this as love. (Hence the cringe-y shirtless scene, which I suppose was his attempt at a physical seduction…?? I guess taking his helmet off in The Force Awakens didn’t excite her enough, so he went all-in and tried to seduce her with the PG-13 equivalent of a dick pick.)

He thinks that maybe she could love him, and that would be enough, and he could leave his shitty past behind and not be alone. He acknowledges that he’s a monster, because he knows that he is; he’s just holding out hope that she will forgive him for his sins, because she keeps talking about how he can still be saved… but the problem is that while his idea of balance (the Force) is a balance between Light and Dark, good and evil, her idea of balance is the peace that will come from a Resistance victory. She wants him to resolve his internal conflict by choosing Light over Dark.

- what Rey wants from Kylo Ren -

I think that the main problem with this ship (as a possible direction for them to go; ignoring what I think about it personally) is that it’s pretty one-sided, and based on unhealthy principles. Rey doesn’t want Kylo Ren in a romantic light at all; he’s mind-raped her, killed her surrogate father-figure (who was his own father, adding to her revulsion at his morality), is a major part of the First Order that has terrorized her world and her friend Finn, has almost killed her friend Finn (remember, she doesn’t know that Finn has woken up), and failed Luke.

Rey wants to save Kylo Ren because she believes that it is the right thing to do, not because she has feelings for him. She thinks that if she can convert a major player on the Dark side to the Resistance, the First Order will be weakened, enabling a Resistance victory. She also might want to prove to Luke that he didn’t fail in his teachings.

- will Kylo Ren convert to the Light side? -

Look at what Kylo Ren does when Rey rejects his offer to go with him and leave the Resistance/First Order conflict behind: he tells Hux that she killed Snoke, then takes command of the First Order and resumes his campaign against the remaining Resistance forces. He fights Luke. Let’s be honest, even though the trailer made it look like he was going to start acting on some hidden inner goodness (hesitating when faced with shooting at Leia; the editing suggesting that Rey was asking him for guidance, rather than Luke), this film made it clear that there is only one thing that could make him turn down the Dark side: Rey.

So, what is the most plausible way to end this character arc?

Well, I see one of two options:

Rey continues to try to drag him away from the Dark side, and he accepts… but only because she has agreed to join him. From her perspective, it’s a personal sacrifice for the good of the Resistance; for him, it’s what he wants. The fight in the red room proved that if Rey is involved, he has the potential to fight against the Dark side. But without her, he immediately snaps back to the Dark like he’s a lightsaber and half of the jedi playing tug-of-war suddenly let go.

He ends the trilogy as a villain, on the Dark side. Now, while this makes sense from a real-world standpoint, I don’t know why they would have spent so much screen time focusing on his internal conflict between Light and Dark if he was just going to end up as a bad guy. Like, this took up most of Rey’s plotline in this film, and regardless of that will-she-accept-his-guidance tease from the trailer, I seriously doubt that Rey is going to turn to the Dark side.

So, since I assume they must have some reasoning behind this K/R storyline, and the amount of focus that has been placed on the two characters and their relationship (to the point of minimizing the role of Finn, who was arguably the main protagonist of The Force Awakens, or at least a co-protagonist, with Rey), I would guess that they’re going somewhere with this, and that somewhere just might be a romance. I would really appreciate it if they didn’t, though.

[holmesoverture]

Eileen’s Official Nigel Bruce Defense Post

Weeks after first mentioning the possibility of writing this post in my Sink or Ship entry for the Rathbone/Bruce films, allow me to welcome you to my official and way the heck too long Nigel Bruce Defense Post.

I don’t think I need to convince anyone that the reputation of Bruce’s Watson has suffered in the years since he played Sherlock Holmes’ faithful Boswell.  Virtually every time someone wants to praise a Watson, they feel the need to disparage Bruce to do it (“This Watson is great because he’s not a bumbler unlike some people I could mention, ahem, ahem”). James Mason only agreed to play Watson in Murder by Decree if they didn’t write him as an idiot. Edward Hardwicke was more polite about it, but he seems to have felt similarly about Bruce’s Watson’s capabilities.  More recently, of course, Kate Beeton did her famous “Stupid Watson” comic, launching a nickname that seems to have caught on with some people around the interwebs.

And, in fairness, not all of the ire directed at Nigel Bruce is unwarranted. The Rathbone films do have a tendency to go way overboard with the comedy relief, and not even the fact that it was made for World War II audiences who were probably in desperate need of a laugh makes me feel better about it.  This aspect of the movies hasn’t aged well.  I admit that willingly.

But it’s important to note that the comedy relief really is just one aspect of Bruce’s Watson.  For some reason, it’s the only aspect that people seem to remember when really he’s surprisingly multifaceted.  To reduce Nigel Bruce’s interpretation of Watson to a demeaning nickname is unfair in the extreme, and since no one else seems to be willing to waste their time in refuting these gross overgeneralizations, I will heroically step in to fill this void that no one wanted filled.

And if you decide you still don’t like Bruce’s Watson after reading this post, that’s fine.  My goal in writing this is not to push people into liking something that’s not to their tastes.  All I want is to point out some inconsistencies in the Bumbling Oaf trope and maybe make you think about how you feel and why.  (I also want to vent a little—it is the internet, after all.)

Open your minds and join me on this journey, mis amigos.  It’s kind of long, but hopefully my witty insights and that one goofy picture of Batman I included will make it worth it.

Let’s start at the start: 1939’s The Hound of the Baskervilles.  As I’m sure most of you are aware, this story hardly features Holmes at all.  Watson is the one who heads out to Baskerville Hall alone to investigate, which requires him to be at least somewhat decent at investigative work, and he certainly is that.  It’s only when Holmes shows up that he becomes the comedy relief.  Later that year, in The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Holmes again sends Watson to investigate alone, and while I wouldn’t say it goes well, it doesn’t go noticeably worse than in any other version.  Plus, a couple of the major humorous moments feature Watson on the winning side of the joke for once.

That’s about all the time I’ll spend on Bruce’s first two outings as Dr. Watson, since they are noticeably different from the B movies which followed.  (The most striking changes, for those who haven’t seen them, are that the stories now take place in the 1940s rather than the Victorian era and also they now have the budget of an office Christmas party.)  It’s here that the quality of the movies starts to waver, and I believe they are what most people are referring to when they complain about Nigel Bruce.  The comedy relief bits are really ramped up here, but just because Watson became more of a punching bag doesn’t mean he necessarily became less intelligent or less interesting.

Before we continue, there’s one point Hardwicke made in that interview I linked to above that I’d like to address.  He basically said that Watson’s training as a doctor means that he couldn’t be stupid.

First of all, Ben Carson.  Second, the entire point of this post is to demonstrate that Watson wasn’t as stupid as everyone thinks, and we’ll get to that in just a second. Third, these movies do remember that Watson is a doctor and give him a few opportunities to show off his medical chops.  In Terror By Night, Watson’s the one who announces the victim died of heart failure.  It’s also him who notices a small pinprick in the dead guy’s neck that suggests said heart failure was induced.  Granted, he didn’t mention the mark right away because he dismissed it as insignificant, but given that Holmes also had a look at the body and didn’t notice the mark at all, I think Watson deserves some props here.

Now I’m not even going to try to defend the rest of Terror By Night because it’s pretty much the epitome of everything people dislike about Bruce’s Watson.  But it does go to show that, even when the Baker Street Dozen was at its silliest, Watson still had his moments.

If we want a really solid example of Watson being competent, however, we must go elsewhere.  Let’s start with The Secret Weapon.  It starts out as one would expect, with Watson being charged with guarding a scientist recently escaped from mainland Europe, only to fall asleep and allow the guy to wander off (YOU HAD ONE JOB).  But later on, the film adapts bits of The Dancing Men, and when Holmes and Watson first encounter the code, it’s Watson who explains its significance to the lady whose missing boyfriend wrote it. He even sits down to decode it, but it’s been slightly altered since their last encounter with it, so it comes out wrong.

Naturally it’s Watson who makes this error while Holmes discovers what the alteration was.  So now Watson looks like a knucklehead even though, again, he apparently learned the Dancing Men code so well that he could use it at a moment’s notice despite not seeing it for years.

But wait, what’s this?  There’s another coded message, this one even more fiendishly difficult than the first?  What to do now?  Holmes and Watson spend the next few hours poring over the code, trying every combination and trick they can think of in their attempts to decode the message.  Oh wait, did I say Holmes and Watson?  I meant Watson by himself while Holmes sulks and makes rude comments.

Not bad for a bumbling oaf.

In the end, it’s an off-hand remark from Watson that flicks on the lightbulb over Holmes’ head, enabling Holmes to swoop in and steal the limelight from poor Watson.  Our detective makes his brilliant game-changing deduction thanks to his conductor of light, who’s been doing the thankless drudge work this whole time.  (This kind of happens a lot, actually—twice in Dressed to Kill alone, a casual remark from Watson enables Holmes to save the day.)

The real problem here isn’t that Watson is stupid; it’s the way the scene is framed.  The movie is so busy focusing on Holmes’ deductions and accomplishments that Watson’s contributions mostly go unacknowledged.  It’s clear from the fact that Watson was deeply involved in the decoding process that he’s perfectly intelligent and that Holmes trusts him to help with even the more difficult aspects of crime-solving.

Something similar occurs in The Woman in Green, which features Moriarty hypnotizing people into committing suicide for reasons that escape me at the moment.  (This isn’t the high point of the Rathbone/Bruce collaborations okay)  Again we have a comedy relief bit, with Watson being hypnotized into taking his shoes off or some nonsense immediately after declaring that hypnotism is BS. It’s the kind of thing you’d see on a ‘60s sitcom.

The movie ends with Watson arriving almost too late to save Holmes from Moriarty because he got stopped by a police officer for speeding.  Yes, haha, silly Watson, can’t do anything right and almost ruined everything.  But let’s reframe this scene for a second. Think about it from Watson’s perspective.  He’s given a task to do by Holmes, who is going to be in mortal danger the entire time. He’s terrified for his friend and knows that his life is in his hands.  Of course he’s going to break every damn speed law in the country to try to protect him.  Just imagine how he felt when he got pulled over, when he had to waste all that time trying to explain the situation to the officer, knowing that every second spent arguing could mean Holmes’ life.

If this were a scene in one of the newer, edgier Sherlock Holmes adaptations, we probably would get to see it from Watson’s perspective, and depending on the version, I’m betting Watson would have just floored it when the police sirens started going.  And even if Watson did stop, he very well might have lost patience halfway through the proceedings and punched out the cop to get to Holmes.

And by “he,” I mean Panin specifically.

Obviously, Bruce’s version could not do that because of the pearl-clutching moral censors.  Or rather, he couldn’t do that on-screen.  It’s never stated how Watson’s interaction with the police ended.  How do we know he didn’t punch the guy?  Because if you think Nigel Bruce’s Watson wasn’t willing and able to kick some ass, allow me to direct your attention to The Spider Woman, in which Holmes fakes his death, then comes back disguised as a postman and makes disparaging remarks about that fakey detective Sherlock Holmes, because Holmes is a dick like that.  Bruce, being one of the more patient Watsons, tolerates it for a while before knocking Mailman Holmes right into a chair.

Again, this scene is played for laughs, but from Watson’s perspective, it’s about as unfunny as you can get.  The man was unable to stop the death of his closest and dearest friend.  He’s just had a hard day of packing up Holmes’ things for a museum, then some asshole postman shows up and starts insulting his recently deceased best friend for no reason.  It’s little surprise that he snapped.  So yeah, Bruce’s Watson was 100% down with decking people when placed under sufficient emotional strain, which he may well have been in The Woman in Green.

I think I’ve gotten away from my point here, but it basically boils down to the fact that Watson was not an idiot at the end of The Woman in Green; the way the scene is framed just makes him look like one.

There are also times when Bruce’s Watson doesn’t seem to do much of anything, which may be misconstrued as stupidity.  Let’s look at Dressed to Kill.  Now towards the end, Watson does get A Scandal in Bohemia-ed pretty bad, but that comes right after Holmes walks right into the bad guy’s trap like a knucklehead, so they’re roughly even on that front.  The only real difference is that Holmes solves his problem on his own, while Watson needs Holmes to figure out the solution to his dilemma for him.

But aside from that and a couple of minor silly incidents, all Watson really does is act as a sounding board for Holmes. Some people may interpret this as his being useless, but this is what Holmes used to want in a partner.  Quoth Sherlock Holmes in The Blanched Soldier, “A confederate who foresees your conclusions and course of action is always dangerous, but one to whom each development comes as a perpetual surprise, and to whom the future is always a closed book, is indeed an ideal helpmate.”

This line demonstrates two things: one, wow, Holmes, gush some more why don’t you.  Two, however the characters have evolved in recent years, the original Holmes didn’t want someone like Liu, who ends up becoming proficient enough to start her own detective agency.  He wanted someone more like Bruce, who didn’t have nearly the same capacity for deductive reasoning but who had the curiosity and inquisitiveness to make, according to Canon Holmes, “an ideal helpmate.”

There are plenty of the original stories in which Watson does little more than narrate—in The Beryl Coronet, for example, I’m pretty sure that the only thing Watson really does is point out their future client in the street.  I think we’ve gotten so used to Watson being an action hero or a detective in his (or her) own right that we forget his original primary role was as the storyteller.  (That is literally where the nickname Boswell comes from.)  Being most definitively a sidekick doesn’t make Nigel Bruce useless or stupid; it means he’s fulfilling the role originally set out for his character.

The comedy relief business is, of course, largely an invention of the Rathbone/Bruce films.  But honestly, I think the problem with Bruce’s Watson isn’t so much him as it is the filmmakers’ obsession with building up Holmes to be inhumanly perfect.  The Spider Woman has a perfect example of this: there’s one scene that adapts that bit from The Devil’s Foot where Holmes and Watson are almost killed by poisonous gas and Watson has to save them both.  Here, however, it’s Holmes who does the rescuing, because of course he does.  Can’t have Watson grabbing any glory, now can we?

In fact, basically everyone who isn’t Holmes—and arguably Moriarty, though he sure did fall hard for the Brer Rabbit routine in The Secret Weapon, to say nothing of his ignoble demise in The Woman in Green—is depicted as a little lacking in the brain department. Lestrade and company are dim enough that Watson frequently calls them out for being boneheads.  Holmes’ clients almost inevitably doubt Holmes’ abilities despite his great reputation, and Watson just loves rubbing their noses in how smart Holmes really is.

(That’s another thing people seem to dislike about Nigel Bruce for some reason.  I’ve heard complaints about how he’s a suck-up who mindlessly admires Holmes despite how rude Holmes is to him.  Again, this is an oversimplification.  I already covered this in Sink or Ship, so I won’t belabor the point here, but I view Watson’s admiring comments less like sucking up and more like pride in his friend and his work.  Not only that, Watson doesn’t always passively accept impoliteness.  He flat out tells Holmes to stop being cranky in The Secret Weapon, and he gets quite huffy when he thinks Holmes is trying to make a fool of him in Terror by Night.  Plus, Bruce is not even the only Watson to have stars in his eyes every time he looks at Holmes—Burke in particular puts up with quite a lot [see The Solitary Cyclist for a great example], and he starts looking murdery whenever someone fails to recognize his brilliant detective buddy.)

It’s fashionable nowadays to make Watson almost as smart as Holmes, which only amplifies the perceived stupidity of Nigel Bruce’s Watson.  But in the original stories, Watson isn’t a deducing genius.  That’s the whole point.  He is basically the reader stand-in, the average Joe thrust into Holmes’ world and continually dazzled by it (and him).  Now if you prefer the more current trends, that’s one thing.  But to condemn Bruce for not magically predicting and following said trends is about as fair as criticizing Adam West’s Batman for not being serious enough, completely ignoring the fact that at the time Batman was less “I Am The Night” and more “Robin got temporary amnesia and super-strength from a bolt of lightning and now wants to fight Batman because a white guy pretending to be a native told him to.”

Would I lie to you about a thing like that?

And it’s not as though Bruce is the only Watson who bungles things.  During Solomin’s tenure as the good doctor, he got whacked in the head when trying to sleuth on his own, got his dirty footprints all over Charles Augustus Milverton’s house (which Holmes then forced him to clean up), and completely and hilariously failed to disguise himself as a priest.  That’s saying nothing of the first half of the pilot, where Watson assumes Holmes is a criminal mastermind and conducts his own wildly misguided, eminently goofy investigation that culminates in Holmes knocking him out during a boxing match.  And yet no one ever accuses Solomin of being a bumbler (not that they should).  I’m not sure why people are willing to excuse him and not Bruce.  Is it because Solomin is young and cute?

Maybe it’s because his dumbassery led to the infamous Cuddling in the Carriage scene.

Or maybe everyone’s problem is not just Bruce himself, but the fact that his performance had such a major influence on Watsons everywhere for literal decades.  In the 1950s Sherlock Holmes TV show, Marion-Crawford’s Watson clearly borrows a lot from Bruce in terms of turning the comedy relief aspect up to eleven.  (I would argue Marion-Crawford is actually worse in this regard.)  Dr. Dawson in The Great Mouse Detective physically resembles Bruce, as does Ric Spiegal in those Wishbone episodes, even though both of them were supposed to be adapting books and shouldn’t have had anything to do with the Rathbone/Bruce films.  I guess some folks got resentful that Bruce Watson was overshadowing Canon Watson?

But it’s important to remember here that Nigel Bruce was one of the first film Watsons with any discernible personality traits.  If you’ve seen any of the Sherlock Holmes silent films, you know what I mean.  If not, you haven’t heard of any of their Watsons for good reason.

To start with, Watson doesn’t even appear in 1900’s Sherlock Holmes Baffled (which is only a minute long) or in 1912’s The Copper Beeches (which is so ridiculous that I may have to give it its own post).  Then came Hubert Willis in the Eille Norwood series of early ‘20s shorts.  They’re rather hyper-focused on the casework here, so no one gets any characterization (at least not in the two I’ve seen). And Roland Young in 1922’s Sherlock Holmes was onscreen for maybe 10 minutes and did almost nothing.  I didn’t even remember he was in the dang movie until I recently rewatched it for Sink or Ship.

This is his only conversation with Holmes in like the whole movie.  So much for being intimate companions.

And I’m sure there are other examples.  So even if you don’t necessarily like what Bruce did (and/or was told to do) with the character, he some deserves respect for effort and originality. I also think it’s a little unfair that people keep dinging him for not being A+ perfect at doing something no one else (with the possible exception of Ian Fleming in the Wontner films) had ever tried before, i.e. making Screen Watson interesting. Dude didn’t become The Watson for no reason, after all.

To conclude this post, we can return to my Batman analogy.  I feel like modern public attitude towards Nigel Bruce is comparable to how some people get all upset about Adam West because that’s not the real Batman!  The real Batman is grim and gritty and for ADULTS, not some Batusi-dancing weirdo! No joke: the first time I went to a comic book shop, the guy who worked there said that Adam West—my first Batman, the guy who got me into superheroes and therefore the main reason I was in that shop in the first place—wasn’t a real Batman.

Needless to say, I have little use for snobbery in any fandom.  So I am going to say now about Nigel Bruce what I should have said then about Adam West: if you don’t like the goofy version, don’t watch the goofy version.  There are literally hundreds of versions of this character out there; not every single one is going to cater to your tastes, nor should they.  This fact should not detract from your enjoyment of the versions you do like, and it doesn’t make the versions you dislike less legit.  The old has at least as much basis in canon as the new, and even if it’s parts of canon you’d rather ignore, other people feel differently, so don’t be a jerkweed about it.

But before you make up your mind about Nigel Bruce, maybe take a sec and give him another chance.  “Stupid Watson” is a reductive label that focuses only on the worst the Rathbone films had to offer and does not give due credit to a genuinely groundbreaking character with more depth than I’ve ever seen anyone acknowledge.  Do some of the movies portray him better than others?  Sure, but you can say that of every episodic Sherlock Holmes adaptation.  For the most part, it’s not nearly as bad as people seem to think.  And even when it is that bad, it’s still a combination of canon compliance and original character development that was entirely unique at the time and that deserves to be looked upon with, if nothing else, gratitude for paving the way for interesting Watsons everywhere.