#deserve to live a life w/o being terrified of being killed !!! just good for thought is all

[sundayinthcpark]

activism twt is honestly the most toxic place on earth it is like these ppl do not have reading comprehension and also they think everyone should die it’s fucking terrifying

[wandawxdow]

Billy Russo A-Z Fluff

A = Attractive, what do they find attractive about the other?

Other than the obvious (your body) Billy loves your eyes. He often finds himself in a trance when looking into them and is mesmerised by the love and adoration apparent when you look at him.

B = Baby, do they want a family? why/why not?

Billy does want a family in the future, and he wants it with you. Though absolutely terrified to have children, some of his fear is removed with the knowledge that you’ll be by his side. He knows that he wants to be better than either of his parents ever were so that his child has a better childhood than he had.

C = Cuddle, how do they cuddle?

Billy wouldn't openly express his love for cuddling, but he does love it when the two of you get the time. He always finds it comforting and calming when he wakes up and falls asleep with you in his arms.

D = Dates, what are dates with them like?

With both of you leading busy lives, most dates are at your shared apartment. But whether it be takeout after work, a romantic home-cooked meal or a movie marathon, the both of you cherish the time. When both of you have free time, Billy makes an effort to take you out for a proper meal at whatever new restaurant has opened.

E = Everything, you are my ____ (e.g my life, my world…)

Billy believes that you are his light. He’s been fighting his entire life and can get swept up in the violence, but you serve as a reminder of the good.

F = Feelings, when did they know they were falling in love?

Love is a foreign concept in Billy’s life; it hasn't been something he’s experienced or felt as much as he should've. And so, with his lack of knowledge, Billy didn't realise he was falling in love with you until he was already well on his way.

G = Gentle, are they gentle? If so, how?

Billy Russo and gentle are two words that are not often associated with each other. Billy is violence, seriousness and bloody fists yet he allows you to see a softer side. He does little things that matter: making sure you’re covered by the comforter, ensuring he’s there when your sick or stressed, and other things that help your day-to-day activities.

H = Hand/Hold, how do they like to hold? how do they like to hold hands?

Billy doesn't hold hands when the two of you are at Anvil and surrounded by his employees. He doesn't mean to, but once in the building, he’s in work-mode with his serious, business persona. Other times he regularly holds your hand, particularly when the two of you are out in public. It's comforting that he has a grip on you so he can pull you to safety if something were to happen.

I = Impression, first impression/s

Billy first met you at a local bar. He’d been there to blow off some steam and you to drink away the bad day you’d had. He first saw and approached you when overhearing some man hitting on you despite your protests. Billy thought you looked beautiful in the red-illuminated lights with your curled hair and black jeans.

J = Joker, are they into pulling pranks?

Billy’s not big on pranks. Sure, the two of you will joke around, but you never plan elaborate pranks against each other. He’s done small things like hiding behind a door and scaring you as you walk past, but that's pretty much as far as it goes.

K = Kisses, how do they kiss?

Billy’s kisses are either slow and delicate or passionate and rough - there's no in-between. It all depends on his mood and the situation. If he's happy and content, then he peppers you with gentle kisses that express his love. If jealous, angry or filled with lust, his kisses are rough and passionate and often leads to other activities.

L = Little things, what little things do they love/notice?

Billy’s trained to notice small and often overlooked details about people, and so it's no surprise that he picks up on your quirks rather quickly. He noticed and loves how you prefer old movies when in a bad mood and how you hum under your breath when bored and happy.

M = Memory, their favorite moment together

Billy has many favourite memories with you, but if he were to choose one, it would be the morning after you first spent the night together. He woke to see your angelic face illuminated by the light shining through his bedroom windows. You'd both spent the morning in that bed together, admiring each other and talking.

N = Nickel, do they spoil? do they buy the person they love everything?

It's no secret that Billy is rich, and though he works hard for his money, he has no qualms about spending as much as it takes on you just to see you smile. He’ll spoil you every day, gifting you things you do and don't need because he believes you deserve it all. To him, he wouldn't be a good partner if he couldn't provide for you and spoil you.

O = Orange, what color reminds them of their other half

You remind Billy of the colour white. It's pure, innocent and untainted, just like you. To some the colour may been cold but to him, it's fresh and complete.

P = Petnames, what petnames do they use?

Billy’s preferred pet names for you are ‘love’ and ‘darling’. He uses them most when the two of you are alone and being domestic: “what do you want for dinner, love?” and “darling, stay in bed a little longer.”

Q = Questions, what are the questions they’re always asking?

Billy almost always queries why you're with him. You're so perfect, innocent and bright and he's dark, broken and violent. To him, you're way out of his league, and he could never truly deserve you.

R = Romance, how romantic are they? Cliche or creative?

Billy is a ladies man, and as such, knows how to woo someone. On date nights and especially anniversaries and birthdays, he pulls out all the stops to make the night memorable. To be honest, there's nothing he wouldn't do for you. Billy prefers to express his emotions in a more unique way than the cliche red roses and teddy bears. But if that was the sort of thing you liked, you can be certain he’d do it.

S = Sad, how do they cheer themselves/each other up

If Billy’s in a bad mood, all he needs is you. You can't fix whatever started his mood, but being there helps him clear his head and find a solution. If you're in a bad mood or sad, he knows cuddles and night spent together will help.

T = Talking, what do they love to talk about?

Billy loves to talk about your day - not because it's overly interesting, but because he loves to see you so passionate and happy. He also loves the conversations you have when you both wake and the playful banter after a long day at work.

U = Understanding, how good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Billy knows you well, really well. He’s good at picking up on details and accommodating to them in a relationship. Billy is empathetic with your experiences, however, sometimes not immediately. Sometimes he gets angry at first, vowing to hurt whoever hurt you back. But after he's calmed, he recognises that you need comfort like he has many times before.

V = Value, How important is the relationship to them?

Billy hasn't had many people in his life who love and care for him without strings attached. So, when he finds someone who does, it's important to him. He believes your relationship is one of the best things that ever has and will happen in his life.

W = Why, reasons why they love each other

Billy loves your nature; your forgiving, gentle and peaceful nature. It's a contrast to his and one he adores. He loves how you stop to pet any dog you're allowed to, how your nose scrunches when you yawn and how you look wearing one of his shirts in the morning.

X = Xylophone What’s their song?

Billy loves the song ‘Tiny Dancer’ by Elton John because it reminds him of you. Like in the song, the sight of you dancing and singing is always stuck in his mind.

Y = Yearning, how do they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Billy misses you from the moment you have to leave. At first, he throws himself into his work to attempt to mask your absence. However, as time passes, he grows irritable and on-edge; taking his feelings on others. When you return, the two of you spent some time together to make up for the distance then things go back to normal.

Z = Zeal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

You're one of the only people who genuinely loves Billy for who he is. Because of this, he would do whatever it takes to preserve your relationship. He would kill any enemy that threatened you with ease, ditch all material items for the chance at a life with you, and ensure he's worthy of your love.

[cafeinthemoon]

The Senju Brothers finding out their s/o is actually an Uchiha 🔥

This idea was requested by anon days ago (thank you anon, your idea is great, and sorry for the delay! 🙈) and I decided to do it like a list of hcs, but it’s kinda a scenario/narrative, so... it’s something between the two. I’ll be using the same “plot” for both Hashirama and Tobirama, but as you can easily imagine, their reactions will lead the story to different directions lol

Okay, let’s say that s/o deserted from the Uchiha for some serious sh*t or they just disagreed with some of their rules and went to live as an hermit and no one ever heard of them again. The Senjus met them during a mission by accident and they ended up helping each other during a fight, which led them to a friendship. S/o introduced themselves using a fake identity, of course, and told part of their story and the reasons why they were living in that region (like, they told the truth, but hiding names and places, so the Uchihas are never brought to conversation). Later, during a mission when they have to defend the Senjus, s/o shows their Sharingan and OH THE TENSION 🔥🔥🔥

PS: Dear anon, be warned that Tobirama’s part is friking long ok lol

Fandom: Naruto| Senju Brothers

Symbols: 💙 | ◻ | ▶▶

Hashirama

Sorry for this pic but this time we will have some DRAMA

It could be a big problem if the wrong people found out you were an Uchiha. You’ve been there for years, praying to be forgotten by your clan, but there was no way to be sure

This infuriated you more than anything, and it was one of the reasons why you deserted. You were tired of dealing with these battles, these rivalries. You just wanted to live in peace and to be seen as who you were, human. You wanted to be more than just a name

However, the longer you stayed isolated, the more you thought it was impossible. It only changed when you met Hashirama

He proved himself to be an honest man since the start, and to speak the truth you felt some sort of trust in him that you haven’t felt in a long time, even when you knew nothing but his name, Senju

You couldn’t tell if was because of his manners, his way to express himself or his motivations when he fought, but something in him made you believe everything was possible. He filled you with hope again

When you told him your story, he believed you

It was not the case you were lying, but you just couldn’t trust the first person who came to you. Your instinct of self preservation told you not to reveal all the names to a stranger, not until you knew more about him. Like, you sensed you were safe with him alone, but both of you couldn’t ignore the history between your clans

Still you felt bad for not telling everything to him

His mission in that place kept him there for a few days, during which you became good friends. But as time passed, he seemed to create excuses to not leave. At the same time, you got even closer, to the point that your connection couldn’t be called just a friendship anymore

It was when you realized you fell in love, and the feeling was mutual

One day, Hashirama came and said he couldn’t stay any longer. The village needed him, and he was missing his home. At the same time, he didn’t want to leave you. So he invited you to come to the village with him

Your heart was about to explode. You were alone, isolated and hopeless. Now you have not only hope, but love too. And this man wanted to offer you a home, a family and safety. It was too tempting, even for you. You accepted, and even under the risk of being recognized, you came back to your village

When you noticed you weren’t recognized, your fears diminished. You lived in peace by Hashirama’s side, and everything was good

Until that day when you went to a mission together, and during a fight you ran to defend him. You couldn’t control it; your instinct was too strong. Your eyes changed, and Hashirama saw your Sharingan

You saw surprise in his eyes, but also deception. You didn’t tell anything to him for all this time, and he wanted to know why. He had the right to know. He trusted you, he was like an open book to you, so why couldn’t you be the same to him?

When you came back home, it was even hard to breathe between those walls because of the tension. You knew what kind of conversation was waiting for you, and you couldn’t run away

Then you faced your biggest fear: you revealed everything, under the risk of losing the most precious things you had, Hashirama’s love and trust. You told your true name, your entire story and your reasons for deserting from the Uchiha. You told him you wanted to tell everything many times, but you were just terrified of his reaction and what could happen then

You even said he could send you away, or kill you or take you back to your clan’s elders for them to decide what to do with you, for anything was better than facing his hatred and despise

Hashirama remained in silence all the time you spoke. This lack of reaction caught your attention. When you looked at him, you saw he had tears in his eyes 💔

He was disappointed and angry, yes, but you saw in those eyes the willing to forgive you. This man just loved you so much. He couldn’t send you away or do any of the things you suggested. If he did, he wouldn’t forgive himself

So he asked for some time. He needed to process everything he just heard, to understand his own feelings, organize his thoughts and then decide what to do

When you talked again, you said you were going to work to regain his trust. It wasn’t going to be easy, but you were willing to do anything he demanded

When you asked if he was going to tell something to the Uchiha, however, Hashirama said no. Your life could be in danger if he did. Besides, you left them, you no longer shared their values and principles, you didn’t want to be associated with them, and he were going to respect this

Finally, you promise each other you would never let secrets stand between you again ❤

Tobirama

BRACE YOURSELF

You knew that, sooner or later, that was going to happen. When you first met Tobirama and understood of kind of person he was, there was no way for you to think differently. There you had a clever, observing man who would not be easily deceived

Though you met by accident, you managed to work well together, and that was why you managed to overcome your adversary. And he was paying attention to everything you were doing during the fight. Your manners, your fighting style, your experience as a ninja, nothing escaped his eyes

You were certainly a member of a clan, and an important one. Besides, there was your appearance: with your dark hair and your deep eyes, you resembled the majority of the Uchiha people and there was nothing you could do to disguise that. Not showing your Sharingan wouldn’t make a great difference

Plus: Tobirama being a Senju only meant he would recognize an Uchiha just by the way they smell

Right after you both acknowledge each other, he thanked you for helping him but didn’t seem to trust you until you gave him enough information about yourself and the place you lived, which sounded intrusive

Because of your circumstances, you had to be as suspicious as him. And he had his ways to make people talk, so you thought it was better to tell him what you felt safe to share. He listened to you but didn’t make it clear if he believed it or not

That irritated you a bit, but you remembered yourself that he was a shinobi just like you, and a shinobi needs to be perceptive. Besides, you were in fact not telling him everything. But, well, that was none of his business, right?

Tobirama told you he was going to stay in that region for a few days to complete his mission and then go back to his village, where his brother, the Hokage, and his partners were waiting for him. You agreed and you didn’t see each other for a while

Still, you didn’t know why, but you didn’t just forget about him as you did with other people you’ve helped in the past. Something in him caught your attention. Maybe it was the fact that he belonged to your old village, or anything else, you weren’t sure. This man was just… different

Later, you found out he has been gathering information about you with the local people: who you were, where you came from, when you came to live there, what kind of person you were to the people of that place, etc.

Next time you met, you ~casually asked how his mission was going, and if it was about seeking information for his village or for himself. It was so funny to see the blush taking over his face beyond the three red marks. Unable to hide his embarrassment, Tobirama confessed that the people who he talked to had nothing to tell him but the same things you’ve already told him

“Of course they don’t. I’ve told them the same story I’ve told to you”

In the end, Tobirama told you part of what was involved in his mission, and you said you had some information that could be useful. Turned out that you were the most helpful person he could find, and because of your skills and your knowledge (as well as your fighting abilities), his mission was finished half the time it would take

You didn’t understand exactly how or when you started dating. You just did. And when you least expected, you were back to your original village, married to him. It was strange that your life has changed so suddenly: first you were a hermit, away from your land and your clan, alone with a fake name; now you had a true home, loyal friends and a husband that loved and admired you. You used to think you didn’t deserve so much

The possibility of Tobirama finding out you were an Uchiha was always in the back of your mind, specially when you went on missions together

Of course, as time passed, you’ve come to learn to not depend too much on your dojutsu during fights, and your control over your Katon was clearly above the average. Besides, you were sensitive and passionate by nature, which resembled the Uchiha more than any other lineage. One day, Tobirama even said that you were an Uchiha from heart and soul, even more than he thought when he first met you. You didn’t know if it was a compliment, an insult or an invitation to tell the truth

So it wasn’t a great surprise for him when, during that mission, you had to defend him when he got injured and facing the possibility of losing the man you loved was too much for you to control, and your Sharingan appeared. At first you didn’t even think of it, but once you turned to Tobirama to see if he was ok and noticed the way he was looking at you, you realized what just happened

He didn’t talk to you for a long time after you came back home. You didn’t know if he was expecting you to start talking or if he was preparing himself to do so. Not knowing what was going on was killing yourself, so you decided to take the first step

It was the scariest thing you ever did in your life, but also the bravest. You came to him and said you were going to tell him everything. He nodded and waited, and you told him your entire story, since the day you left the clan until the moment you met. You told him your thoughts, your beliefs, your reasons, your feelings, everything. Nothing was kept hidden

When you finished, he didn’t speak for several minutes. You waited as long as you could, but then you decided to ask what he was going to do. You were sort of expecting an explosion of rage and frustration, but what came instead was worse

Through his tone, Tobirama made it clear how much he was disappointed with you, how much he despised your attitude, how disgusting it was for him to live with someone who didn’t have the courage to just come and tell the truth since the start, and that after all that he has seen, he was right to not blindly trust any Uchiha that appears on his way. Seeing him reduce you to the same flaws that led you to desert that clan was so offensive that it infuriated you, and you started a serious fight in the middle of that room

Your Katon and your Suiton almost destroyed your house

After almost killing each other becoming tired of this, you decided that for the best of you two, you had to leave. And if anyone asked, Tobirama could say the truth. At first, he tried to agree with this, but when you were about to pass the door, he held you tight and said he couldn’t just let you leave and carry on with his life as if nothing happened

You knew what was coming next: you crying in his arms > he saying nothing and leading you to your previous place > you making out and sleeping in the middle of the destruction room

In the end you didn’t leave, neither he revealed anything to the people of the village, including the Uchiha (who didn’t seem to remember you anyway). It took time until you restored your relationship, but you did it. In your case, love overcame history

PS: Hashirama came to visit you one day and was aware that a fight took place there, but he was too polite to say something

[atiny-exol]

Yandere! Ateez! Reaction to their s/o yells/curse at them after a punishment

Warnings: this contains yandere behavior, tocix relationships, blood, torture, abuse and strong language

~If you don't like that. Don't read it~

Hongjoong

Usually Hongjoong won't punish you with something more hurtful than spanking but today you really pissed him off

You tried to use his kindness against him and to sneak out, and after that you lied to him

There is nothing that would make him more angry

You tried to argue with him but he doesn't care as you struggle against him

After your spanking session, you are a crying mess but you still had the urge to fight against him

So you yelled at him that he is a sick bastard

He would look at you with an emotionless look and this moment you knew you fucked up

Slaps you across the face

Takes your privileges away

All of them

No walking, just crawling

No talking just barking/meowing

No eating from a plate just a bowl

You do nothing without his permission

If you want to behave like an disrespecting pet you are treated like one

Hongjoong always tried to be nice, but if you can't appreciate this he won't be that nice again

,,What did you just say?" Hongjoong asks you with an dangerously calm voice. You gulped hardly as you saw his dark and unreadable look, you knew that you overstepped a line right now, a line you shouldn't have ignored. ,,I.. I.. I'm-" Without letting you end your sentence he slapped you across the face and pushed you down his lap on the ground, causing you to hiss and whine in pain. As you wanted to look up to him he pushed you down with his foot. ,,Don't even think about trying to get out of this mutt. I will teach some real manners now."

Seonghwa

He took you outside to a very fancy restaurant

Because oyu behaved so well the last months

But then you you made one clear mistake and this was talking with he waiter, even if Seonghwa told you not to talk to anyone

As soon as you entered your shared house and the door closed behind you two

Seonghwa unleashed the beast and punished you

Unlike Hongjoong he is very physical and would make you bleed and cry

You broke his number one rule

After the whole torture, you layed on the floor crying and begging him to stop and he would make fun of you

You couldn't doo it anymore and yelled at him that you hate him, that you didn't do something wrong after all

And Seonghwa snarky, sarcastic site would disappear and he would get more angry than he is already

This punishment doesn't last just for this day, he will repeat that till you won't say something like that again

You hurted him and now he hurts you just like you deserve

Slowly the door of the basement opened and you knew excatly who it was, you didn't have to look up anymore and you wouldn't dare to look up, he didn't allowed you to do that yet. You learned some things the last days, never yell at him and when he is angry don't do anything without his permission,it would end more horrible than the punishments before. ,,Look at me." Obediently you looked up to him, facing a smiling Seonghwa, but just as you thought he might be nicer now and your punishment is over, a harsh slap hits your face,befire he speaks coldy to you. ,,Why don't we try something new today."

Yunho

Always tries to be nice to you

He would never hurt you physically

But he would hurt you mentally

He tortures your loved ones infront of you if you misbehave

And one time, it was clearly at the beginning of your relationship excatly this happened

After he was done you looked at him horrified and you shake in fear

The only thing you thought about was that he is a monster

And this is what you yelled at him

Immediately his gaze darks after the word left your mouth and he would lean down to you

Whispering darkly into you ear that he can show you what a monster is capable of

If you say he is a monster because he killed your best friend what will you say when he kills one of your closest family members

You will never make this mistake twice, I mean if you don't want your family to be dead very soon

,,Look at me doll!" he yelled at you as he holds the knife against the neck on your best friend. Terrified and shaking in fear you looked at him and the teary and empty eyes of your friend. ,,You know why I do this right? You know that it's your fault right?" He giggled before he cuts the skin of his victim multiple times. Tears after tears streamed down your face and you begged him to stop, but he didn't listen to you. It is a punishment after all.

San

You argued with San because he was constantly flirting with someone else

He was so cold towards you, not giving attention

And it bothered you, because you are used to be his little princess/prince to be the the only one for him and now the jealousy is eating you alive

San yelled at you for your complaining and locked you inside your room specifically for punishments

It's an isolation room

Everything is dark, no light not even a single tone is heard

Once San stepped in the room you yelled at him, cursed and told him how much you hate him, that you think he is a cheater and doesn't love you anymore and San would snap

He would leave you alone again, just feed you the necessary amount of food and water

He is angry and if you think he is a cheater he will be a cheater

One night he enters the room and looks at your broken figure, telling you that his date was so good and the sex was the best he ever had

He would repeat that action till you beg him to stop, you bed him to have mercy and take you beg

You have to apologize for your bratty behavior

Because that that's excatly what is was

You just wanted his attention and now you have nothing

Of course he would take you back and tell you how much he loves you

Bur he would also tell you that if you say soemthing like that again, he would replace you

It's a lie but you dont have to know this right

,, I.. Hate you!! You are such an asshole Choi San! You are probably cheating on me too!"you yelled at him out of frustration of not getting the attention you are used too, he was cold and ignorant the last days and that bothered you more than you would say out loud. ,,I'm a cheater? Just because you didn't get attention the last days? You are such a brat y/N!"he yelled back with a dark gaze laying on his face, causing you to back off and hide behind your arms, already getting used to being slapped for this, but to your confusion nothing happened. ,,If you think I'm that cruel. I can be that cruel for you brat. Just watch."

Mingi

He would never lay a single finger on you if it isn't necessary

His punishments are not abusive or bloody just very manipulating

The friends of yours dissappear one by one and you don't know why

Some of them stop talking to you and you don't know why

Everyone is ignoring you and you don't know why

The answer is easy it's mingis fault

He is the reason behind all of that and once you find that out you would yell at him of course

Because why would a person with a normal mind do that

What you don't know is that this makes everything worse

Not only everyone would ignore you everyone will hate you from now on

He manipulates everyone and everything

You can't live without him. And this will just stop if you take your hurtful words back

Because Mingi doesn't like to do that either, but he know that this is necessary so you begin to love him

If you don't have anyone besind him there is no other way then loving him

,,M.. Mingi.. Please w.. Whatever you do stop it.. I.. I'm sorry I'm really sorry.."you sobbed out infront of the tall guy, feeling embarrassed because you had to run after him for his forgiveness. ,,You look pathetic while you cry little one you know that?" Gently he forces your head up and looks at you with a soft look. ,,I may forgive you, but if you say soemthing like that again I will make your life a living hell."

Yeosang

His punishments are always cruel and he would easily break you

But at the beginning you would yell at him after punishments

Cursing and yelling how much you hate him and how sick he is

At first he think it's funny and amusing but after some time passed it really annoys him

I mean you love him and you aren't in a sick kdrama where he has to fight for you

You aren't enemies who hate each over so you should fastly stop with that shit

He doesn't want it anymore and if you won't stop by yourself he willpunish you for every time you yell and curse

It doesn't even have tk be against him

He won't hesitate to break bones and to beat you up, to let you alone and to let you starve

He doesn't play games never

He is always serious so don't let him tell you one thing twice

A strong punsh landed at your stomach and you cry out in pain at his rough treatment. With a loud crash you land on the ground and tears formed in your eyes. ,,I told you to shut the fuck up didn't I? I told you to stop cursing and now? I thought you learned your lesson already." With an annoyed expression he rolled his eyes and unbuckled his belt. ,,but it seems like I have to remind you where your place is."

Wooyoung

He is such a tease

He spoils you with affection, you get everything you want

But you have to behave well

And if you don't behave well he punish you

For small things there a sexual punishments and for bigger mistakes he would spank and humiliate you

If you curse at him after a punishment he will use that against you

If you yell something like I hate you! He acts like it hurts him so much that you can't do soemthing else than apologize

But if you yell at him that he is a sick bastard, a crazy stalker or a monster

Believe me you don't want that

He would humiliate you in every possible way

At the end of his training you won't ask why you have to lick his shoes or why he holds you in chastity

You just accept it

Wooyoung is manipulative, he is a sexual teaser, he would punish you sexual for that

No clothes for you anymore and no touches from him for you

He let you watch how he fuck someone else if it's necessary but it isn't his favorite thing

He often just threats you with that

But he would do it if you won't stop the cursing at him

With an unbothered look, Wooyoung watched the movie of his choice while you layed down infront of him, not wearing anything else than the collar he closed around your neck a while ago. From time to time he would look down to, just checking if you moved an inch or looked at soemthing else then the ground. Before the movie ends he looked at you one last time, smiling satisfied at the view infront of him, petting your head gently. ,,See it isn't that hard to be a good pet right?"

Jongho

There was one time he snapped at you for talking with someone else

It was the first and only time he got physically abusive and after he slapped you, you yelled at him

How much you hate him for that and that you would never forgive him that

This was the moment Jongho regrets his action

He hates himself for hurting you, because thats the only thing he never wanted

He wants to protect you, that you trust him and that you just need him

But he failed

Starts to cry and to beg you to forgive him but if you say no

He wouldn't let you go

You can hate him like you want

You can kick him, slap him and call him a monster

You can say that you hate him

But he will never let you go

Because he tries to make everything right again

He tries to be a better boyfriend and to protect you

The first slap on your cheek hits you surprisingly, and both you and Jongho looked at each over with pure shook. You because your soft boyfriend slapped you and him because he couldn't believe that he hurted you. Immediately he backed off and teared formed in his eyes as he stuttered an apology, but you just looked away. ,,.. That.. Was too much Jongho." you whispered under your quiet sobbing before you turned around, warning to leave, but Jonghos firm grip on your wrist stopped you. ,,.. I can't let you go.."

[penninstitute]

Case #0200915

Statement of Chance V. Césaire, regarding his identity. Original statement given September 15th, 2020.

I don’t know who I am.

Well, that is a partial lie- my name is Chance. Chance V. Césaire, that is the one I go by now. It sounds nice, it rolls off the tongue smoothly and nicely. But I used to go by others- William Mercier was the first one I took up, and he was nice. Charming, even. Then he had to go away, I had to change to evade a chase, and then I became Édouard Lioncourt. He was kinder than William, even if the deeds he did were just as bad. Then there was… Francois Boucher. He was far angrier. 

Francois did something that I, Chance, still cannot shake. And it’s been… mm, maybe a year at this point in time. I did not intend for him to become the focus of this statement, but, I suppose I cannot do much about it now. I’m sure you’re curious, yes? Far more interesting than my current identity crisis, hah.

I would like to make it clear that I steal things for a living. I hate to just confess to it, right here, right now, but it makes sense when it comes to my story. I would hope you don’t turn me in- then I’d have to shed yet another life, and I really do not wish to do so. I don’t consider myself evil, even though the authorities may find disagreement in that statement.

When I first became what I am- a thief, I mean, I swore never to steal a life. Those are not mine to take, I only take things from those who do not deserve their material possessions, but not something abstract like a soul. I- Chance is not a murderer. William was not a murderer, Édouard was not a murderer and Ars-

… Francois was different. 

Francois came about when I nearly died. And Édouard actually did, shot in the shoulder. Bled quite a bit. The scar still aches, to this day, especially when it gets cold outside. But ah, I was mad when Édouard died and Francois came around. I think anyone would be mad if they got shot, don’t you think so? I suppose that fury became an influence on the persona, the act I put on for these- characters, I guess? I do not know what else to call them, because I was never them but they were always me. They were always me but those names never sat too right.

Whenever I take up a new name, though, no one recognizes me, despite the fact this handsome face never changes. Maybe I get a new suit or haircut, just to be sure, but each new name is a new person, every single time. It doesn’t help when you have to rebuild connections in a business such as mine, every time. 

My excuse is that whoever the new one is, is a successor to the previous one- in a, well, have you seen the show, “Doctor Who”? Similar to that, how each new Doctor is, uh, a new person but generally the same person at the same time, just successors. I think Interpol believes that there’s some interconnected “thief ring” or something, when it is all just me. But that is, besides the point. I’m getting distracted, aren’t I? Je suis désolé… I should just get on with it.

Someone recognized Francois.

When I was at that party- one for the rich, at a mansion owned by some billionaire- and I heard a voice from behind call out, “...William? William Mercier?” my blood ran colder than it ever had before. I think I stopped breathing for a second.

I turned around and there was a man- a man I knew, one that I... but I wasn’t expecting the look of recognition in his own eyes. I hoped he would say that he thought I was someone else and move on, like everyone else, but he didn’t. Those ocean blue eyes widened as they met my own gaze and I felt like Édouard again- dying.

He ran to me, catching the attention of a few other partygoers as he did, nearly knocking me over from the embrace he pulled me into. He whispered that he missed me. That I scared him, and that I should never, ever disappear again. Of course, many eyes were on us by now, and I laughed. I said that was a preposterous idea.

“Why don’t we take this somewhere else?” I added in a forceful whisper, waving at the other patrons that there’s nothing to see here. He nodded, brushing a strand of brown hair out of his face. His… perfect face. I forgot how handsome he was, until then. 

Dread crept its way into my stomach and up my spine and throughout my body as we walked, my hand clasped around his wrist. He continued to bombard me with questions, and I couldn’t answer. Not at the moment, anyway. I found an empty bedroom in the mansion, and closed the door behind us. 

 “William-” his voice cracked. “W- where have you been? It- it’s been three years, you- you disappeared, I don’t- I couldn’t find you- you promised me you’d never leave.”

“I know- I know, I’m- I’m sorry, Eagan-” is what I managed before being pulled into another hug. It felt… wrong, this time around. It felt weird in front of all those people, sure, but even stranger in private. Something within me- within, Francois began to bubble.

“I forgive you,” Eagan had sobbed into my shoulder, ruining a perfectly good suit, but I didn’t care about that. Not at that minute anyway, I cared about the fact that this had never happened before. I was terrified.

He pulled away and I looked into his eyes, and he looked into mine- and I suppose he didn’t see excitement as he’d hoped. Eagan brought a hand to the side of my face, cupping my cheek, but I leaned away from his touch. Confusion crossed his features. 

“Wh… what’s wrong?” He asked.

“You shouldn’t recognize me.”

“William, what do you mean- of course I recognize you! I lo-”

“My name isn’t William,” I snapped back, my tone much harder than intended.  “And you shouldn’t recognize me. I’m not who you once knew, Eagan, that man is dead. You sh- shouldn’t know me, not anymore.” I found my hands gripping his shoulders with a tightness I don’t think I’d ever have the strength for. 

“Is… Is something going on? Y-you’re scaring me,” a shaky statement escapes his lips. “You vanished, William, I was so scared, I thought you died o-or worse, where have you been?”

A moment of silence passed between the two of us as panic continued to rise in me, making the air feel so much heavier. It felt like a pressure, and it was telling me- telling Francois to do something about this. My whole career revolves around my ability of hiding in plain sight, and if someone was able to spot me, then- then my life is on the line, fear clawed at my chest and then-

Then, I-  

Then, Francois-

...

Hah, did not think this part would be as difficult as it is to, talk about.

My- his- my hands clasped around the soft flesh of Eagan’s throat, and I squeezed, thumbs pressing into his windpipe. He struggled, for a minute, before going limp in my grip. I did not know there was that much strength inside my flimsy arms, but out of the sheer terror I felt, I just- I don’t know, I don’t know. I felt the life drain from him beneath my hands, the heat drained from his form, and I saw the light leave his eyes. 

I sat there for what seemed like… ages. Just, calming down from the rage that filled me, waiting, desperately for Eagan to wake up. I couldn’t have killed him, could I? Why? Because I got upset that someone knew who I am? I’ve gone so long without people remembering me, thinking whoever I was just died or vanished, never to be seen again, and it scared me. That someone I cared for just as equally did the impossible and then.

I just killed them.

Francois ceased that night, when I left that room, when I abandoned that corpse I so foolishly stole the spark from to feed my own fire. 

I, er…

I don’t know who I am anymore. I claimed to be a good man, once. I did everything I do in the name of my own definition of good, I stole from the rich and gave to the poor. I used to be Ar- I. Used to be Ars..

I don’t even remember his name, hah. I’m sure it’ll come back, fleeting as always. All I know is I used to be four other people and then they all died and got replaced by this current persona. Chance. Chance V. Césaire, that’s who I am, for now. Chance is me but I’m not Chance. I don’t think I have a name anymore. I don’t think I deserve one. 

I don’t think I’m human either, not anymore. After… everything. I don’t know what I am, just this thing that wears names like clothes, this thing that tricks and deceives and ruins the lives of anyone that dares to get close to it. It owns this face but it doesn’t belong to it, not really. It’s like a mask, a mask I never put on and it burns. 

I want to take it off.

FOLLOW-UP NOTES

This isn’t the first we’ve seen of individuals or creatures changing identities to a supernatural degree, and I’m sure it won’t be the last time we see it, either. This one is... interesting, I guess? It’s not like Natasha, where the creature literally... changes its appearance and identity.

From what I can see here, the appearance never actually changed. It was just the name--I had Felix do a bit more research, and all of the names listed were, in fact, real people, but finding any real trace of them is difficult.

If Mr. Césaire is still around, I imagine it’ll be very difficult to find him for a follow-up interview.

[chubbletea]

The Spirit Board

A horror story about Amanda's and Serina's experience with an ouija board.

August 12th, 7:38 p.m.

Twelve hours before launch.

Amanda had opened a box from the storage, and she found a wooden board with a triangle-like wooden shaped thing with a hole near the tip, and it had a "Yes" and a "No" and all of the letters of the alphabet. It also had numbers in this order; 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 0

Amanda immediately recognized it. It was an ouija board. She had always wanted one of those, but her father, Reginald, never let her get one because he had Phasmophobia. Amanda's best friend, Serina, had also wanted an ouija board. But she had never gotten one either. But, why was there an ouija board here? Were her fathers trying to hide it from her? Well, it was no longer hidden. Amanda had found it.

Amanda quickly grabbed the wooden board and swiftly dashed to her part of the living quarters, and hid the board. She had to tell Serina about it so they could play with it in secret.

"Serina!" Amanda called after finding her in the cafeteria.

Serina turned. "Amanda! Hey! What do you need?"

"Come here for a second." Amanda beckoned.

Serina swung herself over the side of the seat, and approached her best friend. Serina had strawberry blonde hair and a light blue-minty green ombre colored top hat, along with a pink ribbon and bow going across the brim. Amanda had long red-brown hair that was held up in a ponytail, and she wore a cream colored top hat with smoky gray fingerless gloves.

"What?" Serina asked in a hushed voice.

"So, I was looking through boxes in the storage, and I found an ouija board. I hid it in my room, so nobody knows about it yet. I was thinking, do you want to get up in the middle of the night and play with it?" Amanda explained excitedly.

"Oh! So it was being hidden from you?" Serina asked. "Yeah! Sounds fun, what time?"

"One a.m. sound good?" Amanda suggested.

"Sounds like a plan." Serina nodded. "Where?"

"I was thinking in the portrait hall? Since that's the place which would probably have the most spirits." Amanda told her thinking.

"Yeah! I like that." Serina nodded in agreement. "I have candles."

"Awesome! It will probably keep the ghosts happy. I have a lighter."

"Perfect. I can't wait!"

Five hours later, August 13th, 12:40 a.m.

Seven hours until launch.

Amanda set her phone down, and got herself back into her normal clothes, trying to keep her movements swift and silent. She grabbed her lighter and the hidden ouija board.

She creeped out of her room, and quickly got out of the living quarters without being seen.

She made it to the cafeteria successfully without being spotted.

She made herself and Serina some coffee to help them stay awake. She put sugar and cream in Serina's, and Amanda just had black coffee, because she really liked bitter things.

She walked over to the portrait hall and set the two cups full of hot liquid on the table, taking a sip of her own coffee. It was hot and bitter, just the way she liked it.

Ten minutes later, 12:55 a.m.

Serina had arrived with the candles. "Hey." She quietly greeted.

"Hi." Amanda greeted back, also trying to keep her voice hushed. "I got us some coffee to help us stay awake. Your's is right there." She pointed to her friend's coffee.

"That's thoughtful of you." Serina said, taking a small drink of her coffee.

"Thanks." Amanda nodded. "Here, place the candles on each corner of the ouija board and I'll light them. Then we can start."

Serina placed the candles on each corner, and Amanda whipped out her lighter. She flicked it on as the bright scarlet-golden flame sparked to life. She touched it to the wick of the candles, and they were lit.

Amanda flicked off her lighter and placed it on the edge of the table. "This is gonna be spooky, but I'm excited."

"I agree." Serina nodded. "Well? Let's start."

"Okay." Amanda took a deep breath. "Is there a spirit here?"

They waited for a response.

...

The triangle at the top of the board moved to the left. 'Yes'

Amanda and Serina jumped in startlement and excitement.

"Oh my gosh, that's so cool! I knew ghosts were real!" Amanda kept her voice hushed, yet got excited.

"What's your name?" Serina asked. "I'm Serina, and this is Amanda."

' '

The board didn't do anything.

"I don't think their gonna respo-" Amanda began when the triangle began to move again.

'S-I-R-W-I-L-F-O-R-D-4' The ouija board spelt out.

"Woah!" Amanda still managed to keep her voice silent. "My dad told me about Wilford before."

"Former Toppat leader, right?" Serina asked another question.

'Yes' The wooden board answered.

"Will you hurt us?" Amanda was trying to keep herself and Serina safe.

'P-R-O-B-A-B-L-Y-N-O-T'

"Thank god." Serina sighed in relief.

"How did you die?" Amanda was probably going to pester him with questions like a teenage fangirl.

Hey, she and Serina are both teenagers.

'M-U-R-D-E-R'

Amanda and Serina got less excited.

"That's kinda dark." Serina commented. "Wasn't he a good leader?"

"Yeah, I think that's what I was told." Amanda nodded. "He was probably killed for the position."

"Who killed you?" Serina was curious.

' '

"Are they still alive?"

' '

Serina was silent, and she glanced at Amanda, whom was drinking some of her coffee.

"That's kinda scary... He didn't answer." Serina grabbed her coffee as Amanda set her's down.

The candles flickered out.

"Oh gosh, I'm getting scared." Serina said as Amanda set down her cup of coffee and used her lighter to re-light the candles.

"Yeah, that's kinda creepy." Amanda agreed, placing her lighter back down.

"Wilford, you still there?" Amanda changed the subject.

'No'

"Oh, cool! New spirit!" Serina was interested. "What are your preferred pronouns?"

'H-E'

"Alright then."

"What's your name?" Serina went back to pestering the spirits with questions.

'T-E-R-R-E-N-C-E'

Amanda glanced at all of the portraits. "Terrence Suave?"

'Yes'

"Isn't he the leader who was super reckless and only cared for himself? The one who hurt my dad? Both of them?" Amanda asked. "I haven't met him, but I don't like him."

"Are you going to hurt us?" Serina asked with hesitance.

...

' '

Amanda and Serina exchanged glances.

"That's not a good sign." Amanda commented.

Serina took a drink of her coffee, then placed it back down on the table. "I hope he doesn't hurt us."

"Me neither." Amanda looked back at the ouija board. "How did you die?"

'O-V-E-R-T-H-R-O-W-N'

"I should've guessed that." Amanda told herself.

"Where are you?" Serina then asked.

' '

'N-E-A-R'

"Amanda, I'm scared." Serina took a step closer to her friend.

"Me too."

Something creaked.

Amanda jumped in startlement and looked around cautiously. "Maybe this wasn't a good idea..."

"Should I go get dad?" Serina gazed up at Amanda.

"No, they would be furious." Amanda shook her head, reaching for her almost empty cup of coffee.

The two girls heard footsteps.

"I don't like this..." Serina whispered.

Amanda blew out the candles and set down her cup of coffee. "Quick, hide. Under the table."

They crawled and hid under the table, and sat silently, terrified.

The footsteps came to an end, and there was a sound which sounded like a door closing.

It was silent for a few more moments.

"I think we're safe." Amanda whispered. She crawled out from under the table and snatched her lighter, flicking it on and observing the room. "Yeah, we're good." She turned and lit the candles.

Serina emerged from under the table and faced the ouija board again. "Was that you?"

'Yes'

Amanda and Serina exchanged glances again.

"Change of subject, uh... Who killed you?" Amanda asked.

'R-E-G-I-N-A-L-D'

"Dad killed you?"

'Yes'

"You kind of deserved it after what I heard you did. I heard you're transphobic." Amanda scoffed.

The candles lights flickered out.

Amanda sighed and reached for her lighter again, while Serina was looking around nervously.

They heard what sounded like an adult male heavily breathing.

"What is that!?" Serina asked.

"I don't know, under the table again!"

They slipped themselves under the table, in the darkness.

The breathing got a bit heavier, and Amanda flicked on her lighter, looking around.

"Amandaaa, I don't like this..." Serina sounded terrified. "Should we go back to bed?"

"No, the spirit would follow us, and we'd be in huge trouble. All of us, most likely. Dad killed Terrence! What do you think he'd do to him!?" Amanda didn't wait for Serina to answer. "He'd hurt or even kill him! There's no way I'm letting a spirit kill dad!"

"Fair point." Serina admit.

The heavy breathing stopped, and there was another creak.

Amanda and Serina didn't dare to move for a few moments.

"I think we're okay." Amanda pulled herself out from under the table, Serina following behind her.

Amanda lit the candles again and set her lighter down.

"Don't hurt us. Or anyone. We don't want to be guilty for any deaths." Amanda begged. "Please."

' '

"Are you just trying to scare us? Or are you going to do something?"

'M-A-Y-B-E'

"That doesn't help!"

Serina finished a long sip of her coffee. "Well... Are there any other spirits here other than you and Wilford?"

'Yes'

"Okay... Who?"

'R-E-Y-N-A-L-D-O' 'R-A-N-D-Y' 'J-A-Q-U-E-S'

"I knew the portrait hall would be crowded with the leaders spirits." Amanda confidently told her best friend.

"Yeah, that's most likely." Serina nodded. "But do you think we should do this in the airship? We might get different spirits."

"Yeah." Amanda told Serina. "But that's gonna be tricky since we'll be in space."

"Yeah, true." Serina nodded. "We might have use Supreme Dominance ourselves."

There were more footsteps.

Something moaned.

Amanda drew her glock and pointed it at the direction it came from. "Who's there!?"

No response.

...

"Show yourself!"

...

Amanda lowered her gun. "Huh." She hooked it back onto her belt and turned back to the ouija board.

"Was that you?" Amanda asked.

'No'

"... Okay." Amanda was hesitant.

Serina glanced at her, the back at the ouija board.

"Has there been any female leaders before?" She asked a random question.

'No'

"Oh." Serina glanced at Amanda. "You'll most likely be the first, Amanda. I'm sure you'll be a great leader, too."

Amanda didn't want to be the next leader. "Thanks." She said sheepishly.

"Well... What other creepy stuff do you think is gonna happen?" Serina asked.

The ouija board started to move out of the corner of their eyes.

'W-E-W-I-L-L-M-E-E-T'

"What!?" Serina gasped.

The candles flickered out, and there were more footsteps.

Amanda drew her gun and reached for her lighter. She lit the candles again.

The two girls ducked under the table again. The candles were extinguished yet again.

"Oh my god, we're gonna die..." Serina whispered.

"No, we're not." Amanda reassured. "Their spirits, they can't hurt us. They don't have physical forms. They can only scare us."

Serina didn't respond.

"Serina?"

"Yeah? I'm here."

"Oh, okay. You had me worried for a second."

"..."

They eagerly waited for something to happen, or get the all clear sign.

The footsteps got louder, until they stopped. And then there was the heavy breathing again.

"I don't like this..." Amanda whispered.

"Me neither, I'm horrified."

"I'm gonna have nightmares for the next three weeks..."

They stayed silent, and the breathing got louder.

"You're hearing this, right?" Amanda wanted to confirm.

"Yes." Serina replied. "It's creepy."

Amanda sighed. "I'm sorry, Serina. We shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have suggested it. I should've just left the ouija board alone where I found it."

"No, you had no idea this would happen." Serina shook her head. "And neither did I. If I knew, I wouldn't have agreed to it."

"... Right."

"..."

"COPPERBOTTOM. SVENSSON." Something with a very intimidating voice spoke.

Amanda and Serina jumped in startlement, and Amanda flicked her lighter on.

There was a pitch black humanoid shape with what looked like it had a top hat on, and it had white glowing eyes. It had freaky long shaped hands, and it reached for Amanda.

They two girls let out a blood curling shriek just before they went unconscious.

(Thanks to my friend Rin for making the lineart! I did the coloring and shading.)

(Please reblog if you enjoyed! They help us writers as much as they do artists!)

[heyyylittlemo]

Ask game

1. Where did you hide the body??

Me: *pause* No, where did you hide the body—

*police stare at me with disbelief*

Me: there’s no—there’s not a single body here—well stop looking at me like that, you’re the cop! You should know! Why are you asking me for! Body? Whaaaaaat. Ahaha.

*cops shake head*

*whispers to my friend* Guys I think I pulled that one off

Police: you know we can hear everything you’re saying

me: 👁👄👁

2. Favorite rock? The 1975. Dominic Fike. Arctic Monkeys. Bad Suns. The killers. Pale Waves. Etc. That good good shit 👌

3. Most aesthetic season? Fall. Love them orange colors. The leaves falling. Though spring is also neat if you have a bunch of flowers bloomin in shit and winter is only aesthetic when it’s snowing. Boring ass summer tho just be heating me up.

4. When texting do u shorten words or spell out? I used to write stuff out all the time mostly but now it’s like half and half bcuz its just faster and nobody got time for it 🤣🤣

5. Vintage stuff? Hell yeah, but maybe not anything too expensive since some old stuff IS hyper expensive.

6. Colors that pop or blend? Not sure I understand what u mean abt them blending ahaha u mean like when they’re so similar to another?? Well I think it’s nice but honestly I prefer a pop and a bang, y’Know?

- At this moment I realized I was answering the last few questions from a completely different ask and felt like a dumbass 😂 anyways the actual number we’re on is three so imma just kickback

3. Worst dream u have ever had? I had sleep paralysis but was imbetween that and a lucid dream. At first I was paralyzed and could see my bed but my eyes felt closed and open at the same time?? A giant dark demon looking dog had towered over me and began to tear at my neck. It looked and felt very real I started to try to scream and it felt like a scream was coming out but no sound exited. Then I went into a lucid dream where I was being chased by this dog and running for my life I was running by and nobody could save me nobody in the dream when it caught up to me I was back in my bed and it was trying to eat me again. I was so terrified I couldn’t sleep for a whole week.

4. Lyric that comes to your mind? “And I don’t think I can be there. I’m paralyzed,I’m terrified of being alone. When you said I deserved what had happened.”

5. Blood make u uncomfortable? Yes, I passed out once when getting my finger pricked and a VERY small blood sample and another when dissecting a fish.

6. Even or odd numbers? Well I like the number 5,7,9, 3 so odd. (Like me 🤣🤣)

7. Something I hate that I love? Anything I’ve ever loved becuz love can be frustrating. Bruh.

8. 1st initial of someone I hate? Hmm...do I hate someone tho? Not that I can think of...

9. *Skipping down the lane* NOPE

10. Corn dogs? It’s funny cuz when I think of corn dogs my mind will always go to when we first moved to our current house because at our initial town we never had Sonic and while we were getting the house fixed up and moving stuff we use to always get Sonic since it was the closest to us most times to eat and that was a bunch of corn dogs and hotdog days 🤣 so thnk u corn dogs for ur service

11. I’m not a huge movie person so...I looked up movies from 2005 and movies Inlike from this time are Brokeback mountain bcuz it’s gay af, Shark Boy and Lava Girl damn I rewatched the shot out of it when I was younger, Narnia and the Chocolate Factory(although it low key creeped me out as a kid, and idk why).

12. Least fav music genre? Most country, most EDM, dubstep, screaming/really hard rock, some pop music, mumble raping.

13. As someone who waits on tables, my job is my least favorite restaurant experience 🤣🤣 just dealing with ppl...like ok, I’m half Hispanic right?? But I look white. Well, I work at a Mexican restaurant and so sometimes racist costumers will say shady shit just bcuz I guess they think it’s appropriate to say it to me just bcuz I’m not Hispanic in their eyes?? But it pisses me off and I feel like I can’t say anything without causing a drama which I hate and when the “costumers always right” it can be hard to budge and stand up and say “bitch wtf did u just say??” And there’s just folks who take things the wrong ways or ask too much at once or give u a hard time or just say something that sticks onto you for the whole day. One bad move can turn my whole day upside down.

14. 3 things never come near me? Cockroaches, Needles, and close mind ppl

15. Worst way to die? With regrets. Something really brutual, random, or where something just happened to go wrong (accident). Being killed by someone u love.

16. Unusual habits? Doing a Michael Jackson esque “hee-hee” after every sneeze I make, being extremely clumsy and making every task 100% more difficult, having the ability to talk as if I have an accent that comes from nowhere in particular just stupidity also I can’t speak my own language half the time 🙃getting words confused or misusing them in a sentence so I sound dumb having a very weird imagination and thoughts, I swear it like I never went to school and don’t know how the world works, plus many many more

17. Clothing style u want? I want to dress in a way that screams who I am and is a blend of both femininity and masculinity. A little vintage. Grunge. Urban maybe?? What do I know abt fashion 🤣🤣

18. Song or artist that deserves more? Dijon, hands down. I love his stuff. He’s like Frank Ocean meets light-singing beautiful lyricist with a more rock vibe?? Hidden gem. I also think Durand Jones & the Indications needs more love along with BadBadNotGood they sound like old-times but are new!! Oh, and Pale Waves is like a female The 1975 and kicks it. Bad Suns is a good alt rock band that no one seems to recognize :,D Toro y Moi too! His song with Flume “The difference “ is a banger!! Kid Cudi is my man when I want a blend of rock and rap. Also Dominic Fike,King Krule, and Roy Blair, who are all amazing!! Ok I need to stop 🛑

Duck I answered the past questions from a different post I’m sorry 😐

17. Emoji never used? There’s a bunch since I reuse the same over and over again. Lmao

18. 3 sentence Gatorade horror story? A faint quiver overtook the small freezer the Gatorade lay in; no one had come by in days, hours, weeks; when was the last time he met the lips of a thirsty body? They’d forgotten about him, as his last sips remained glued to his hollowing entrance. ‘Help, ‘it wanted to say, but it’s frozen lips could not be moved; It’d stay here, die here...just like the rest.” What am I doing with my life 🤣🙏

19. Do u know what an old bay is? A bay that is old? And old ocean? Idk!!!

20. Can u dance? Sometimes I dance when I’m alone but nothing spectral lol

21. What first comes to ur mind when u see ropes? 2 extremes. Sex and death. Hm. Ok. Moving on.

22. Make an obscure reference. “Even a bra couldn’t hold these nipples” *Holds a water gun to chest*

23. Fav balloon color? Pink or yellow.

24. If u were in court would u be innocent or guilty? Depends, what am I in court for 🤣 lmao jk honestly idk bcuz I don’t think I’d wind up in there

25. Are u hungry ? Nope

26. Unlucky number? Hm I don’t think so but I have a lucky number “123”

27. What’s “JMD”stand for? I’m guessing...Jamming my d—- 💀lol jk ahaha why am so dirt

28. Random inside joke? *chirpy squeak* I’m making a double batch of cookies

29. What sends chills up ur spine? Seeing disgust food or smell disgust or talking abt disgust things like gore

30. How many questions are in ur inbox? A pathetic zero ahaha no one want to ask me anything 😂

31. Someone real who scares u. 2 of my ex friends. One when I was 10 said disturbing things and I was kinda forced onto the friendship and everything they said make me fear for others lives...and then a different ex friend who seemed normal at 1st but became both low key psychopath cult leader type stuff and I booed out of there—-.

32. Run or hide? Uhh probably hide because I’d say even if ppl say “u can run but u can’t hide” u CAN just hide! that’s the point of hiding they not find u xD also why not combine them? Hide then run somewhere far away once I got them off the trial.

33. Last person who made u angry? A frickin beetle that flew at me and pinched me in the middle of singing in the shed xD also my autocorrect

34. What’s going on in ur head? I should probably pee soon—

35. Little thing that makes u Smile? A lot of little things bruh.

36. Are u a descisive person?

Not sure.

*pAuse *

Ok, I guess I’m not then 🤣

37. Would ppl say I’m paranoid? Hm maybe about certain things social situations, singing in front of others what ppl think abt me etc etc

38. Store least likely in? Any southern clothes shop, Abercrombie & Finch types shit, lol

39. Do I like hats fave type? Hm not wear many hats but I think they’re cool any type is cool for different ppl and their aesthetici just can’t rock a hat.

40. Bow ties or ties? Don’t really care but now want to see more bow ties

41. Who? You.

42. What? Reading this shit

43. Where? In ur ass

44. When? Now.

45. Why? Not even u know why.

46. How? We all want to know

47. Do u collect anything? Vinyl records.

48. What tome is it? Time to get a watch

49. Fav transportation? My car or walk is possible

50. Would u ever kill someone to save someone? Don’t want to think about that

51. Make a joke. Yo, it’s time to make a joke—so the other day I was working. And I was practicing my Spanish, yes? Anyone whose trying to learn anew language k n o w s that sometimes words can be so close to another u just confuse then! So apparently churros in Spanish is a desert but if u say it more harshly (it literally sounds almost the same) it makes a whole different meaning—diharrea, but like I didn’t know that so I legit just walked up to this person and asked if they would like some shit to eat. So yeah, that was great. Let’s not forget that I mixed up blood, watermelon, and sangria which is a wine. I legit once said I had mixed wine in my vines and another time watermelon 🤣

52. I’m really confused so I skip

53. Would ur dash be confiscated SFW? By dash do u mean this account? Um not 😬

54. Do I like to cuddle? Hell yeah and manhandle ppl all the time it’s my affection

55. What makes u angry? Close minded ppl or ppl who jump too fast to conclusions, strict schedules just dumb stuff that people try to force when I just want to be carefree 😭✌️

56. How many voices are in ur head? 😐

57. Do U consider urself mentally stable? 😐

58. Are u easily offended? Well U just called me mentally unstable and asked it there was voices in my head!!

59. What’s wrong with taking the backstreets? Uhm...

60. Any questions u want ppl to ask u? Nothing in particular but it’s be nice if someone care to ask me something abt me from personal question to my opinions on shit to 19 days fandom related junk 😌

Woooo I’ve finished this game! Thanks to @seiji-amasawa for introducing me to this ^^

[amphtaminedreams]

50 Films You’ve Got to Watch

Hi to anyone who’s reading,

I thought I’d take a break from the fashion posts to ramble on about something else that I’m really interested in for a hot minute. And I say ramble with intent, because I do go ON. 

The topic is film and I thought that I’d make a list of my 50 must watches. These are movies that I feel had the biggest impact on me which means, yes, I do have tattoos referring to a couple of them, lol. My genre of choice is usually horror and although there has been a bit of a “horror renaissance” and a shift towards prioritising good quality storylines over jump scares in recent years, on the whole, they typically aren’t the most highbrow films out there, so there aren’t THAT many on this list. Most of the horror films I listed are just genuinely good quality rather than a straight-up gorefest or anything too terrifying, however, I’m not that easily scared so if you did fancy watching any of the films I mentioned, take that with a slight pinch of salt!

Also, this isn’t anything to take too seriously. I really like movies and cinema but I’m also not a movie critic and this is more of a hobby than something I want to pursue. Like, I’m completely aware of how unrealistic working in TV or film is as a career if your family isn’t loaded. Very aware. Painfully aware you could say (imagine me sighing as I’m writing this). That being said, part of me does want to do a ranking of every film I’ve seen in 2019 at some point this year, so if anybody else is interested in this kinda thing let me know! 

Lauren x

50 Films You’ve Got to Watch:

1. Black Swan (2010)

“I felt it. Perfect. It was perfect.”

I watched Black Swan years ago now and I still remember how disturbing I found it and how exciting that was to me. I was probably a bit too young (young enough that my mum felt it necessary to cover my eyes during the Natalie Portman/Mila Kunis sex scene, lol) but even then I could recognise that it was a beautifully haunting film and Darren Aronofsky has gone on to be one of my favourite directors.

2. Jennifer’s Body (2009)

“And now, I'm eating your boyfriend. See? At least I'm consistent.”

Engrave it on my tombstone: JENNIFER’S BODY DESERVED BETTER. I fully believe that if this movie was released in 2019, it wouldn’t have faced half the criticisms it did back in 2009. It genuinely was ahead of its time. Megan Fox? As a boy-eating, demonic cheerleader? And Amanda Seyfried? Some of the most ICONIC DIALOGUE EVER? It should’ve invented a GENRE. Instead it got paid DUST. Yes, when I write in caps lock, my internal voice is YELLING. I feel passionately about this, okay?!

3. La La Land (2016)

“I guess I'll see you in the movies.”

Again, maybe it’s a basic film bitch opinion to have but I adored La La Land. I saw it at the cinema and spent the last 20 minutes of the film sobbing, only to find my mum and sister distinctly underwhelmed. I indignantly ranted back then to them how perfect a film it was and I’m going to do the same thing now so if you are reading and you didn’t like it, then you should probably just move on because I wouldn’t want to read myself banging on about Emma Stone again for several paragraphs either (don’t worry, I’ll try and keep it to one). I can’t help it. This film was just TOO REAL! Like, in every way but the actual plot and characters, La La Land has the dreamlike quality of a fairytale. The colours are rich and thick and always complimentary, the musical sequences are either like Disney songs or lullabies, and Emma and Ryan Gosling are made for each other. But then life and ambitions and resentments get in the way. And that’s the real part! That’s why it’s so bloody good! 

4. Easy A (2010)

“People thought I was a dirty skank? Fine. I’d be the dirtiest skank they’d ever seen.”

And so we arrive at the movie that actually began my love affair with Emma Stone. Iconic. Iconic in every way. The bad reputation montage is cinematic excellence. For real, though, this is so underrated as a coming of age movie. Like don’t get me wrong, Mean Girls is everything (I easily could’ve included it on this list but I feel like it’s just a given that anyone who grew up in the noughties loves that film) but Easy A deserves just as much credit. It has Penn Badgley, one of the few celebrity males I care about! Amanda Bynes! Aly Michalka! Lisa Kudrow! Did I mention Emma Stone?

5. Kill Bill (2003)

“Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the fucking time!”

If I had to put any of these films as my singular favourite, it would probably be the first Kill Bill. Controversial, I know; even my dad introduced it to me as the weaker of the two. To list any Quentin Tarantino movie as the one that inspired you to want to be a director is probably a very cliche film student thing to say BUT I’m not a film student and I’ve put my directing pipe dream permanently to one side, thus, coming from me it’s not as hackneyed a statement. Or so I tell myself, lol. Basically, I was in awe of Kill Bill from start to finish. The colourisation is a dream, from the crazy 88 scene to the final fight between The Bridge and O Ren Ishii, and I particularly remember loving the animation sequence despite that not really being my kinda thing. I was just so impressed with how seamlessly something so out of place, considering the live action format of the rest of the film, fit in with everything else; even the scenes that should be absurd instead work with the comic book style narrative. Uma Thurman is of course amazing and iconic af but Lucy Liu as O Ren Ishii is my favourite thing about this film and the line I chose gave me all the bad bitch energy I need to, I think, get me through the rest of my time on this planet. If not, the tattooed version of this still I have on my arm should hopefully do the job. Yep, I truly ascended to a divine level of basic film hoe with that life choice.

6. Marie Antoinette (2006)

“This, Madame, is Versailles.”

The first Sofia Coppola film on this list, I love this woman’s work to death. Regardless of the content she’s working with, the end result always gives me the feeling I’m watching an extended music video. They always have this almost dreamlike quality to them and everything from the colour palette to the camera movements to the soundtrack in Marie Antoinette is tied together perfectly.

7. Mother! (2017)

“You never loved me. You just loved how much I loved you.”

I was tense throughout the entirety of Mother. As a socially anxious, obsessively tidy control freak, this whole film was like something from one of my nightmares; think unwanted house party on crack. I was mentally screaming along with Jennifer Lawrence for all of those people to get out, whilst simultaneously just staring at her face because she is so fucking gorgeous! Even when she’s completely lost it! Totally unrealistic but it makes for some really pretty shots! And then there’s the ending which left me kind of like “what the fuck did I just watch?” Which is what Darren Aronofsky films do best. They’re terrifying but also quite beautiful and Mother is no exception.

8. Gerald’s Game (2017)

“Everybody's got a little corner in there somewhere. A button they won't admit they want pressed.”

I finally got round to watching this for the first time the other day and I absolutely loved it. It probably helps that the last Stephen King adaptation I saw was Pet Sematary, so despite the praise this got at the time, my expectations weren’t super high, but I think this really is a perfect horror film. It’s clever, doesn’t rely on jump scares, and the creepy scenes that are in there really get under your skin. It drags a little in the middle though it’s beautifully shot, acted and has one of the few “body horror” scenes in a horror that’s actually made me cringe.

9. A Beautiful Mind (2001)

“I think that's what it's like with all our dreams and our nightmares, Martin, we've got to keep feeding them for them to stay alive.”

I don’t want to say too much about this film and spoil the plot, so I’ll just say that it’s incredible. Devastatingly sad but also wonderfully hopeful at the same time, and solidified my interest in psychology! I could watch Jennifer Connelly all day.

10. Alien (1979)

“This is Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off.”

As a horror fan, I don’t think I need to explain why this film’s on the list. It’s been raved about and video essayed and called a pioneer of the genre ad nauseam. Again, not that this is really anything new but part of what I love about this movie is the context of its release and success; before Sigourney Weaver’s portrayal of Ellen Ripley, it was a rare occurrence to have a female protagonist in an action-based movie. Alien really paved the way for women to take up space in a previously male-dominated genre.

11. 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016)

“Crazy is building your ark after the flood has already come.”

I saw this for the first time at the cinema and pretty much went in blind. I hadn’t seen Cloverfield but I love Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Final Destination 3 was always my favourite of the franchise, lol) and there wasn’t really anything else on worth seeing, so my sister and I chose this and it was an experience. Like, of all the films on this list, this is probably the one that had me most on edge and I’m not sure watching it on your laptop on Putlocker will do it justice. You need the curtains pulled to, the volume way up and complete silence.

12. American Psycho (2000)

“Try getting a reservation at Dorsia now, you fucking stupid bastard!”

There isn’t a dull moment in American Psycho. Every line is quotable and every scene is straight to the point. I feel like this film is a masterclass in that Stanley Kubrick quote about editing where he says he liked to get rid of everything that was not absolutely vital to advancing the plot or the audience’s understanding of the character in any way. Plus, the ending is trippy af! Or maybe I’m just a bit oblivious to something that was quite obvious throughout, who knows. Either way, what the final scenes really mean are fun to think about.

13. The Descent (2005)

“I'm an English teacher, not fucking Tomb Raider.”

Okay, so I literally just watched this the other day and had to begrudgingly remove Silent Hill to make space for it (I KNOW it was critically panned and I KNOW the video game is better but I liked the visuals, OKAY!?) because The Descent is truly one of the best horror films I’ve ever seen. Before we even get to the supernatural element of the creatures, which are genuinely creepy for once, there’s a party bag of other phobia-inducing sequences that had me emotionally exhausted within the first half hour alone. Claustrophobia, darkness, heights, actual cringeworthy body horror, The Descent has something for everyone. The way it utilises space (or lack of for that matter) and darkness and panicked camera pans makes you feel as if you are really down in the cave with the characters. To add to that, I was actually rooting for all of them too; it probably helped that they were English rather than the typical American slasher cast but I found them to be a believable and likeable group of women. I truly did want them all to get out alive *spoilers*, which only made the ending all the more devastating and although the general narrative is quite predictable, the way in which things get wrapped up left just the right amount of shocks and questions to leave you reeling.

14. Eighth Grade (2018)

“Gucci.”

No film has ever captured what it’s like having social anxiety during “high school” (it’s called secondary school here in England, I know, but you get me) better than Eighth Grade. A tribute to the feeling of never quite fitting in and wishing you knew how to do what everyone else seems to be able to do naturally, it encapsulates that awkwardness with an accuracy that is really impressive considering that 1. it’s Bo Burnham’s first film, and 2. he’s not...like...a 13 year old girl. It is just as funny as it is sad and Elsie Fisher is great and so, so believable. Girl should’ve won some kind of Oscar.

15. American Beauty (1999)

“I don't think that there's anything worse than being ordinary.”

I wavered on whether or not to include this film on the list due to the Kevin Spacey controversy and decided that I had to with the disclaimer that I watched it quite some time before the stories about him came out and won’t ever watch any of the new things he inevitably ends up doing (because Hollywood has a notoriously short memory when it comes to the actions of disgraced male actors, lol). You can’t deny the amount of talent and skill that went into making a film so graceful and elegant and yet in equal parts unnerving, and I don’t think we should refuse to acknowledge the achievements of everyone else on that set because of Spacey’s behaviour. 

16. Bandersnatch (2018)

“The past is immutable, Stefan. No matter how painful it is, we can't change things. We can't choose differently with hindsight. We all have to learn to accept that.”

As I was watching/playing through Bandersnatch, I didn’t necessarily love it. I think I’m echoing a common sentiment when I say that I was kinda confused. I was desperately trying to *spoiler* avoid the option of the protagonist murdering their dad (he seemed like a nice guy!?) but somehow always ended up there by their logic. So I watched most of the endings and then I went on and busied myself for the rest of the evening. AND I COULDN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. One minute I was completely deluding myself into believing the whole parallel universes thing was true and that I should test it out (don’t ask), and then the next I was thinking how disturbing it was that we’d been basically been inside the head of a person experiencing a mental breakdown severe enough for them murdering their dad, who had only ever wanted to help when you think about it objectively, to seem rational. The confusion started making sense within the context of the experience of the protagonist and our role as the audience and though I hadn’t realised it at the time, I’d been completely absorbed in the episode. Maybe the confusion wasn’t intentional, maybe I’m giving Charlie Brooker too much credit based on the recent couple of series of Black Mirror BUT I can’t deny that Bandersnatch left a huge mark on me, and after all, this is the man who wrote White Christmas. 

17. Get Out (2017)

“White girls. They get you every time.”

Going into this film, I was cocky. I’ve gotten pretty good at predicting what’s going to happen in things, probably just because I watch too much TV, but from the trailer I was sure I knew exactly what was going to happen. And then, I was completely blown away. The ending was SO SMART, in terms of both the within universe storytelling and also the metaphorical narrative/commentary on the way our society treats black men and women. Like those early episodes of Black Mirror, it had me like “how the fuck did Jordan Peele think of that!?”. I can only dream of being as creative in my writing one day. Even little plot points like where the “police” car turns up at the end and your stomach sinks and you realise the intention of that is most likely to help you empathise with what the average African-American person feels in their day to day life when police make themselves present, what with institutional police brutality and racial profiling; it’s clear so much thought went into this script.

18. Ghost Stories (2017)

“It's funny, isn't it? How it's always the last key that unlocks everything.”

I don’t have all too much to say about this one apart from that I love a well-constructed English horror. I feel like it’s something we don’t do all too often and to be honest, I’m struggling to think of many English horror films in the first place. Ghost Stories is a great example of why we need more; it’s smart and spooky and folky without hitting you over the head with all those elements and Andy Nyman is a perfect lead. Love a bit of Martin Freeman too.

19. Girl, Interrupted (1999)

“Crazy isn't being broken, or swallowing a dark secret. It's you, or me, amplified.”

Maybe this is the 13 year old black and white Tumblr girl in me jumping out but I still adore this film. I know it’s not necessarily the most critically well received but Winona Ryder, Angelina Jolie and Brittany Murphy are 3 of my favourite actresses and I do love the script. I also like the way that Borderline Personality Disorder was characterised in Winona’s character Susanna (I’m wavering on whether to call her a character as if I recall correctly the book was based on the author’s real experience) in that it was quite subtle and that she wasn’t portrayed as manipulative, or aggressive or basically, as the villain, which I feel is usually the go-to. It focussed more on the mood aspects and the way that people with BPD tend to latch onto and idealise others, as Susanna does with Lisa, and these are both things that I have personally struggled with in the past.

20. Hereditary (2018)

“All I do is worry and slave and defend you, and all I get back is that fucking face on your face!”

It was hard to find a quote that encapsulated what makes Hereditary so great because so much of it is about what isn’t said, if that makes sense. It’s a lot of pained silences and resentful looks and horrified screams, and doesn’t that sound like a fun time? Honestly, it’s not necessarily, lmao. Shocker. It has you feeling like something awful is about to happen the whole time, deep in the pit of your stomach, but I like that in a film, when it does make you properly feel. Ari Aster gets slow-burning dread just right in his exploration of dysfunctional families and grudges, with a few heart-sinking shocks thrown in for good measure all without overdoing the jump scares. There are a lot of deeply unnerving “supernatural” moments but there are just as many horrifically realistic familial conflict scenes that give you that whole “something is wrong” gut instinct in equal measures. It’s been a year and I’m still so angry that Toni Collette didn’t get an Oscar nomination for her performance, because it was really the perfect opportunity to break down the invisible wall between horror and critical recognition. On a more positive note, I loved Midsommar too (not as much as Hereditary but it was still a trip) and I cannot wait to see what Ari Aster does next. Once again, I’ll be in the cinema on opening night.

21. Heathers (1988)

“Dear Diary, my teen-angst bullshit now has a body count.”

Heathers is iconic in every way: the outfits, the cast, the lines. I mean, the acting can be a bit iffy at times but I honestly think that without Heathers, Jennifer’s Body might never have existed and that’s a world I wouldn’t want to live in. There was so much choice when I was picking a line to summarise why I like it so much and of course, “fuck me gently with a chain saw, do I look like Mother Theresa?” deserves an honourable mention. You almost made it bby. The TV remake? We don’t speak of it.

22. Hot Fuzz (2007)

“The way we see it, it’s all for the greater good.”

It might not be the “artiest” movie ever but I’ve seen Hot Fuzz so many times and it never gets old. Though I used to love it when I was younger purely for the PG-13 gore, now I appreciate it for the absurdity and the ridiculousness and to be honest, the total believability of the plot when it comes to towns ruled by low-key hostile, doddery old white people. I should know, I live in one.

23. Inglourious Basterds (2009)

“You probably heard we ain't in the prisoner-takin' business. We in the killin' Nazi business. And cousin, business is a-boomin’.”

I wish I wasn’t a hoe for Quentin Tarantino films (I’ve felt personally attacked by many a poundlandbandit starter pack) but I am. The breakneck pacing, the tongue in cheek dialogue and the gore all make this one of my ultimate favourites. Also, I have a huge crush on Melanie Laurent. Yes, it’s the French accent. No, I don’t know the mechanics of how that works. I hear someone speak French and I want to marry them! I can’t help it!

24. Ingrid Goes West (2017)

“Are you actually insane?”

This seems like a random choice to have on the list seeing as it was never really that hyped up, nor did it receive masses of critical acclaim. It did get positive reviews but that was about it. However, as soon as I saw the trailer, I knew I had to see it. Months, and an £8 purchase from HMV later, I finally got to watch Ingrid Goes West and I loved every moment of it. Whilst Aubrey Plaza’s character, I feel, is an exploration of a lot of young women’s insecurities and self-doubts and fears, blown up to monstrous proportions (or maybe just mine, lol), and a 90 minute film about that doesn’t sound all that revolutionary, this one is as intense as it is stylish and darkly comedic and that’s what puts it on the map for me. 

25. Insidious (2011)

“I like to call them travellers.”

So this film scared the ever-living SHIT out of me when I was younger and though I now consider horror my favourite genre and watch it on the regular with absolutely no qualms, 13 year old me was (not to use the world lightly) mildly traumatised. I genuinely couldn’t be home alone by myself or sleep at night without thinking the old woman ghost from the beginning was outside my room for a good 6 months or so. Like it literally exacerbated an already present sleep disorder to the point where my understandably frustrated-at-being-woken-up-nightly-by-her-panicking-daughter mother got me referred for CBT (to reflect on a time when I didn’t know what CBT or CAMHS was is…blissful, lol). And maybe because of that, in my mind, I still conceptualise it as one of the very few horror movies that has actually scared me, hence its place on the list. That scene where we first see that Star Wars looking red faced devil? I’d probably still nope out even now.

26. It Follows (2014)

“It could look like someone you know or it could be a stranger in a crowd. Whatever helps it get close to you.”

There’s not too much to say about It Follows, other than that it’s a good horror film and more importantly just a really good film. I feel it’s a crucial, early part of this warmly welcomed horror renaissance we are now fully in the thick of where writers are focussing less on making people gasp and more on actual good quality cinema. It’s a simple concept that leaves enough room for you to ask your own questions whilst still feeling somewhat complete, and not annoyingly open-ended. The shots are good, the characters are normal enough to be believable, and the colour palette is Fincher-esque; the muted tones perfectly complement the feelings of dread that run throughout. Whilst you don’t need to be concerned with what the whole thing is a metaphor of in order to enjoy the film, the possibility of there being that second reading of the narrative, for me, elevate it to a higher level. In other words, it’s got *Shrek voice* layers.

27. Juno (2007)

“I'm just gonna go ahead and nip this thing in the bud. Cuz you know, they say pregnancy often leads to…you know...an infant.”

I love Ellen Page. I love Michael Cera. Together they are the best thing ever. See, I’m not really much of a rom-com girl but I see this as less of a rom-com and more of a coming of age film with romantic snippets and great one liners. It’s sweet and whimsical and funny but also really fucking real in parts, and it’s definitely what I would consider a modern classic. If you haven’t watched it already, do!

28. Suspiria (2018)

“Love and manipulation, they share houses very often. They are frequent bedfellows.”

Witches! Ballet dancing! Decapitation! Tilda Swinton! What’s not to love? As soon as I saw the trailer for Suspiria, I knew I had to see it. Creepy but also beautifully shot and scored, it was worth the 8 month wait from the Venice Film Festival and eventual caving and watching on 123Movies after I couldn’t find the DVD on Amazon; I finally got to tick it off my watch list only to like it so much I had to add the original Suspiria back on.

29. Mulholland Drive (2001)

“I hope that I never see that face, ever, outside of a dream.”

Another film which had me like WTF by the end, I really recommend Mulholland Drive for anyone who wants to be vaguely creeped out and extremely confused at the same time. See, I really love a film where you spend the next few hours after watching researching all the different interpretations and reading interviews with the director. That sounds sarcastic, but honestly, I love it. It’s a moody, film-noir style mindfuck of a movie and even after doing my research I’m still quite baffled. That’s the best part. 

30. Requiem for a Dream (2000)

“Purple in the morning, blue in the afternoon, orange in the evening.”

It took me a while to get on board with seeing Marlon Wayans in a serious role (I’ve seen White Chicks far too many times, clearly), but once I did, I was into it. To be totally honest, I don’t think there’s a single happy moment in this film; it comes up quite frequently as one of the most disturbing of all time, which I’m sure Aronofsky probably thinks of as another notch on his belt. Whilst imo, that’s quite a grandiose claim, Requiem for a Dream definitely stuck in my mind after I watched it. Even if you’ve never watched the film, the ending sequence is notorious for how fucked up it is and I do think it’s earned the infamy. What stuck out more to me, though, was how purposeful every shot and sequence felt in terms of trying to let you into the character’s states of mind, the short lived bursts of euphoria and the panicked downwards spirals.  I think it will always be one of the most compelling films about addiction for highlighting how terrifyingly out of one’s control it can be.  

31. Room (2015)

“No one is strong alone.”

This film made me cry buckets. Brie Larson and Jacob Tremblay are wonderful, and everyone involved deserved all the Oscar hype. Every line was so heartfelt and emotive, and I loved Tremblay’s voiceovers. To translate the stream of consciousness of a kid from page to screen in a way that it remains believable in spite of its wisdom (not like those tweets where people try to make out their kid just casually made some off the cuff scathing political jibe at the dinner table) is quite the feat and similarly, I’m in awe of how the director managed to communicate the pain and confusion of the characters on a level that transcended the physical confines of said room. The escape scene had my heart in my mouth. All this being said, I should really read the book because it’s supposed to be even better. 

32. Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (2010)

‘When I'm around you, I kind of feel like I'm on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time. All of them.”

Michael Cera and Mary Elizabeth Winstead are two of my favourite actors and so it’s a given that Scott Pilgrim is one of my favourite films. It’s such a fun, easy watch and the video-game inspired directorial style makes it, in terms of cinematography, probably the most memorable Edgar Wright film on this list imo. The concept, based on the graphic novel, is quite a simple one but that doesn’t stop it being entertaining from start to finish. The rest of the cast is great too: Brie Larson, Anna Kendrick, Mae Whitman, Aubrey Plaza and Alison Pill (Ivy from American Horror Story, anyone?) All make appearances, plus Chris Evans. He’s Captain America or something, right?

33. Scream (1996)

“No, please don't kill me, Mr. Ghostface, I wanna be in the sequel!”

The Scream movies were my absolute favourite when I was just getting into “horror” as a 13/14 year old because they were always pretty tame in terms of scares but nonetheless, always a trip. Though, controversially, I’d probably say I enjoyed Scream 4 just as much as the first one (I am a bit of an Emma Roberts stan), I chose the first one purely for how iconic it was and how ahead of its time. It mixed satire and horror in a way that hadn’t really been done in such a mainstream way before and made it possible for films like Cabin in the Woods and The Final Girls to do so well.

34. Shaun of the Dead (2004)

“Take car. Go to Mum's. Kill Phil, sorry, grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over.”

I’ve seen Shaun of the Dead way, way, way too many times and I’ll still probably watch it again the next time ITV decide to show it too. It makes me laugh, it’s got lots of good gore and it’s easy to follow. The perfect film to put on whilst eating a take away, as long as you’re not too squeamish, lol.

35. Silence of the Lambs (1991)

“Well, Clarice. Have the lambs stopped screaming?”

Jodie Foster’s portrayal of Clarice Starling makes her one of my favourite movie heroines of all time; quietly courageous, she was the type of female lead that really hadn’t cropped up all that much in the films that came before Silence of the Lambs. And despite its problematic handling of certain issues, it’s a fucking incredible film. The thing about Hannibal Lecter is that they don’t have to tell you that he’s always one step ahead, you see it for yourself (the elevator scene!) and so it kinda feels like he’s looking into YOUR soul too. The confrontation at the end between Clarice and Buffalo Bill is one of the most nerve-racking 15 minutes or so of film I’ve ever watched, and if I ever get asked to justify why I’m scared of the dark again, I’m going to point straight to this scene. Yes, I’m a baby but my fears are VALID!

36. Silver Linings Playbook (2012)

“I do this! Time after time after time! I do all this shit for other people! And then I wake up and I'm empty! I have nothing!”

As you can probably tell from my inclusion of Mother! on this list, I love Jennifer Lawrence, and this is probably my favourite drama film of hers. The way that she and Bradley Cooper portray two people struggling with mental illness is refreshingly honest in that it shows it can make you quite an unlikeable person at times, albeit someone who is just trying their best to survive. That being said, in spite of the subject matter it’s still a relatively light and easy-to-watch film. The diner scene in particular is a masterclass in realistic conflict and reaction, and I hate to be “ooo, edgy” but several of the lines did strike a really deep chord.

37. The Babadook (2014)

“Sometimes I just want to smash your head against the brick wall until your fucking brains pop out.”

The best thing that the Babadook does, much like It Follows, is instils a sense of deep seated dread in you before you even see the supernatural forces at work. The washed out colour palette, apparent emotional disconnect of Jennifer Kent’s (who also directs!) character, and the disorienting movements of the camera all help to create a lingering unease that is just as effective as the grossly uncanny appearance of the monster/ghost/creature/whatever-you-want-to-call-it himself. It’s obvious that Kent had a very clear vision of the story she wanted to tell and even more so that she is a very talented woman; I hope to see even more female directed horror films in the future if the Babadook is anything to go by. The way this film blurred the lines between the inner struggles of a grieving family and the outside supposedly paranormal influence was unsettling as fuck and to get into the psychology of a mother left on her own to raise a small child and how terrifying that might feel is something only a immensely intuitive and empathetic woman could do. Props to her.

38. The Craft (1996)

“We are the weirdos, mister.”

Not to sound all halloween-is-the-only-day-of-the-year-I-care-about VSCO girl (although that might actually be quite an accurate description of me to be honest), but if there’s one thing that sticks in my mind about the craft, it’s the aesthetic. It’s kind of what I aim to emulate in every aspect of my life, NBD. Seriously, when I was trying to pick a still, I was spoilt for choice. The rituals, the outfits, the witchy interiors; there’s this one GIF of Nancy, Rochelle, Bonnie (and maybe Sarah?) lighting all these gorgeous candles and if I could walk around with it permanently looping on my forehead, I would. And ignoring my shallow reasons for liking The Craft, it’s just a really good film. Nancy Downs is probably one of the most interesting female villains of all time and I’m obsessed with anything that explores magic and the occult. It’s equal parts dark and girly, not to use that in a derivative way at all, in that not only does it teeter on the line of being scary, it’s also a gritty exploration of female friendship, power and jealousy. If you are a halloween-is-the-only-day-of-the-year-I-care-about VSCO girl, definitely watch it; more power to you.

39. The Favourite (2018)

“All I know is, your carriage awaits and my maid is on her way up with something called a pineapple.”

I’d seen The Favourite twice within, like, a month of it being released in British cinemas and I do not have a single regret about that; well, maybe a minor regret in paying over £12 to see it in the Leicester Square Odeon with the assumption that the extra price meant fancy seats (it didn’t), but on the whole, I’m pretty happy with my life choices. Emma Stone, Olivia Colman, and the period Mean Girls comparison drew me in but I came back the second time for the costumes, the dialogue, the editing and Sarah Churchill, Duchess of Marlborough. Or Rachel Weiss, in other words. See, The Favourite is superbly casted in that Yorgos Lanthimos must have known we can’t help but see Emma Stone as the “good girl”/protagonist and so it took me a whole second viewing to see her character for what she really was, and realise The Favourite is in some ways less a story of Abigail Masham’s rise to power and more the tragic disintegration of Sarah and Anne’s relationship. I’m sure you can view the film both ways but to view it as the latter brings a whole new dimension to it and the ending, imo. I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t go into the film expecting some vaguely historical lesbianism and that definitely made for a slightly awkward birthday viewing with my family BUT I wasn’t at all disappointed.

40. The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017)

“If you dig a hole in the yard, better make it a big one.”

This film is slow-moving, weird and the acting can be stiff at the best of times, and yet somehow all these things add to the (take a shot every time I say-) dread that builds throughout. You don’t know exactly how things are going to end, but you do know it’s not well. Like in his latest directorial entry of The Favourite, Yorgos Lanthimos excels in the realm of the strange and vaguely fantastical through his script, score and cinematography, and so even though the settings are quite mundane, The Killing of a Sacred Deer kind of feels like some macabre modern fairytale, the moral of which I can’t quite work out. I can’t imagine anyone playing Martin more unnervingly than Barry Keoghan and I’m never going to complain about Nicole Kidman, but it’s the imagery of the tears of blood, Steven’s children dragging themselves along the floor and the ending scene that stuck with me long after the film had finished. If you’ve got the patience and you enjoyed the style of The Favourite, there’ll definitely be something positive for you to take away from The Killing of a Sacred Deer.

41. The Orphanage (2007)

“Seeing is not believing. It's the other way around. Believe, and you will see.”

When I was first told by my year 11 Spanish teacher that we were going to be watching The Orphanage in class, I definitely didn’t foresee myself including it in a top 50 films list 5 years later and yet here we are. I mean, I shouldn’t have been surprised really as she did tell us it was good and I had frequently seen it included in lists of the best horror films but as with pretty much anything our teachers would put on as an excuse not to teach for a few lessons (I’m really NOT complaining here, they deserve the break and I would definitely do the same, lol), my expectations were definitely low. Side note, I also since found out that Bilbao seems like a pretty cool place and there was a reason she kept banging on about that too, and so moral of the story, teachers do sometimes have some decent recommendations BUT my assumption was that The Orphanage must be pretty tame for her to show it to us. Parents-even of 16 of year olds-love to complain, lol. And to be fair,  it isn’t so much in your face scary so much as it is kind of tragic with an undertone of spooky but I really enjoyed it. I want to say that part of what I enjoyed about it so much was the mystery element but honestly I think a lot of that comes from the fact that it’s in Spanish so I had to work to follow what was actually going on. 

42. The Ring (2002)

“I can't imagine being stuck down a well all alone like that. How long could you survive?”

The Ring does visuals better than any other horror. The contorted faces of Samara’s victims, the infamous tape and the shots of the well all have a staple in pop culture for a reason. Whilst I don’t find Samara herself particularly frightening, the lore and mythology surrounding her feels so authentically creepy; the tape in particular reminds me of the kind of weird YouTube video you might stumble across when you’re supposed to be trying to get to bed late at night and instantly hate yourself for watching. Naomi Watts is a compelling lead and though I was probably rooting for Sarah Michelle Gellar in the American remake of the Grudge more (I still low-key associate her with the live-action Scooby-Doo and I have no shame), to compare other noughties horror classics, on the whole The Ring is definitely the better quality movie.

43. The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

“I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living, or get busy dying.”

The Shawshank Redemption is just an unequivocally good film. On paper, it doesn’t necessarily have any of the things that draw me to a movie in it, but it’s brilliantly acted, written and shot. It’s frequently cited as one of the greatest movies of all time and I think that’s a very fair statement.

44. The Shining (1980)

“Wendy? Darling? Light of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in!”

I love The Shining. In terms of scares, not all that much happens in it, but what we do see (the corpse in the bath tub is fucking horrifying) undoubtedly leaves an impact. The score is so unnervingly perfect that I can still hear the sound that’s made when we see those 2…puppets? Costumed people? Basically some kind of weird furry activity-which believe me, makes sense if you’ve seen it-going on. And I only need to see a still of the Overlook Hotel and I can immediately feel the sense of claustrophobia and growing tension that Stanley Kubrick so effectively communicated. A lot of people shat on Shelley Duvall’s acting at the time and whilst she obviously didn’t match Jack Nicholson’s energy, she did come across as a woman genuinely traumatised which is sad when you do consider the effect that shooting the film had on her. With that aside, The Shining is a massively pivotal part of horror history and I’m very excited to see Doctor Sleep this year!

45. The Virgin Suicides (1999)

“Obviously, Doctor, you've never been a 13-year-old girl.”

It really is a toss up between Marie Antoinette and The Virgin Suicides when it comes to Sofia Coppola’s best film, and so of course I had to include them both. See, whereas Marie Antoinette could be the visual incarnation of an album like Marina and the Diamonds’ Electra Heart or Charli XCX’s Sucker (if you ignore the less than fortunate ending, lmao), The Virgin Suicides plays out more to the tunes of something less bubblegum pop and more breezy and mellow, maybe LDR’s Ultraviolence or Honeymoon. You could say in a way that this film romanticises suicide and you’d definitely have a point, but I think considering the fact that it’s based on a book and was made in a time when we were less aware of the damage popular media can do (I think there’s a similar point to be made about the way the villain of Silence of the Lambs’s gender is portrayed and linked to his motivation), I give it a pass. It does also kind of make sense for the film to take this approach; the Lisbon girls are viewed through the eyes of a group of boys who are infatuated with them but also ultimately know nothing about them. In a way, it’s almost a critique of the way these boys think and a commentary on just how stifling and confusing young womanhood can be. I think it’s a beautiful film and a perfect adaptation of Jeffrey Eugenides’ novel.

46. The VVitch (2015)

“Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?”

Is it sad that I have this quote tattooed on my back? Is it biased for me to say no? Because for me, just as much as the Virgin Suicides is about how stifling society’s expectations of young women and how they are supposed to think and act, The VVitch is about the demonisation of girls who go against this and how liberation and sexual freedom for so long were perceived as the result of some kind of satanic and deeply disturbing force at work rather than individual expressions of freedom and femininity. The ending is HAPPY, okay, and if you take away the misty, barren landscapes and the isolation and the paranoia and the baby eating witches and the accusations and the demonic goats, it’s kinda a dark feminist fairy tale to go against puritan panic. I mean, let’s be honest, *spoilers* Thomasin’s siblings were annoying AF. Not that I’m condoning child murder on any level, but you know. In a narrative context was it really so much of a loss when those little shits got the chop?

47. Thoroughbreds (2017)

“At the end of the day, I have a perfectly healthy brain. It just doesn't contain feelings. And that doesn't necessarily make me a bad person. It just means I have to work a little harder than everybody else to be good.”

I love Olivia Cooke. I love Anya Taylor-Joy. I love concise, cutting dialogue, the idea of middle class American social politics, and a little bit of (fictional, of course) murder thrown in there for good measure. Thus, I really love Thoroughbreds. If you watched it with the sound off, it’d be a Polo Ralph Lauren promotional film that gets really dark at the end, and what’s not to like about that?

48. We Need to Talk About Kevin (2011)

“What are these people watching, people like me?”

I still haven’t got round to reading the book this film was based on and I feel like that’s something I need to get on top of ASAP, because it’s been sitting on my shelf for a long ass time. However, based on the little I know about how faithful a film adaptation it is, I think Ezra Miller and Tilda Swinton were a wonderful pairing, and this is a film that’s all about the characters, so it’s a good job they were so well cast. Miller does a great job at getting right under your skin and answering a lot of my questions about what leads someone to commit the kind of horrific crime that his character, Kevin, does. Arrogance, done subtly, is hard to pull off but he nails it, and Swinton is very, very believable as a haunted, grief-stricken mother wrestling with the natural question of the part she played in her son’s actions and the scrutiny that comes with it. Not only that but from the offset, every part of the cinematography helps to convey the feeling of impending doom that builds right up until the climax. The colour palette in particular, which for the most part doesn’t stray too far from the mundane greys and bleak washed-out tones perhaps reflective of Eva’s state of mind, does a great job of foreshadowing what to come when it quite purposefully does take a diversion. It’s all about the red, apparently. Take note.

49. Whiplash (2014)

“Any fucking moron can wave his arms and keep people in tempo. I was there to push people beyond what's expected of them. I believe that is an absolute necessity.”

You honestly wouldn’t believe that a film about drumming could feel like a horror and yet here Whiplash is, leaving me on the edge of my seat and wincing for, like, 2 hours straight. Tonally it couldn’t be more different from the other Damien Chazelle film on this list (La La Land), and yet it flows just as seamlessly and has his same impeccable rhythm; every word, yell and snarl slots perfectly into place and every swivel of the camera is flawlessly executed. If you’re looking for an intense and fast-paced drama, I can’t recommend Whiplash enough.

50. Zombieland (2009)

“Twelve's the new twenty. Gun please.”

Zombieland has only one fault: that Jesse Eisenberg’s character wasn’t played by Michael Cera. But it has Emma Stone and Woody Harrelson so I’ll let it slide. Not much to say about this one other than it’s a wild ride from start to finish, but simultaneously easy to watch and probably the most lighthearted zombie film out there. Almost like The Hangover or something along those lines, but with the addition of the undead. It’s a hard film not to enjoy and I’m just really hoping they don’t fuck up the sequel.

DISCLAIMER: 90% of these stills are from Filmgrab, it’s an amazing website!

[askmelanahost]

Part 2! I hope you enjoy!

Coming to another time in Melana’s life. She is sixteen years old and in high school. Like Jack had said, she didn’t remember quite much of anything from the mansion, just going to it. She just lived life like normal not even interested in the mansion. Though her dreams were filled with nightmares of the mansion calling to her in many different ways. She ignored them all, of course, keeping the mansion in the back of her mind.

She was driving to school one day, everything peaceful and normal for a Monday morning on her normal commute. Though something seemed to catch her one eye as something glowed in her passenger seat.

“When will you come back, my sweet Melana.” A voice whispered, but when Melana looked over, nothing was their insight. It sounded like a young males voice, it sent shivers down Melana’s spine. But she brushed it off and she continued to school.

Arriving at Gale Sound Highschool, she parked in her usual parking spot and she went in. Fixing her hair a little as she put on a big smile and started walking to her friends.

“Hey, Anabelle, Nancy, Sarina, Jack..” Melana greeted, Jack had moved in town a few years after the young ones traveled to the desolate mansion, though three never told him about it.

“Hey, Melana!” The three replied.

Melana sighed as she looked down, giving out her happy appearance.

“Melana? What’s wrong?” Jack questioned. “Did you see another one?” Melana nodded.

“Yeah, but it was more specific this time, a blue glow in my passenger and a voice, it sounded like a young teenage male, asking me about the mansion, when I would come back. It was weird.” Melana explained.

“That does sound weird, at least your safe,” Jack replied. Nancy, Sarina, and Anabelle nodded in agreement.

“Maybe we should visit it again?” Anabelle suggested.

“What?! Are you serious?!” The twins said in unison. 

“It might be cool to see something I’ve never seen before,” Jack said.

“It all comes down to the tiebreaker, Melana,” Anabelle said looking to Melana.

“I’ll have to think about it,” Melana said as she started to walk to class, the others following in suite. All of them going their separate ways.

After their long day of learning highschool things, they met up at Melana’s car.

“Don’t you guys have your driver’s license yet? Now I don’t have a choice…” Melana said in defeat. Anabelle smiled mischievously, Jack smiling as well. Nancy and Sarina giving small smiles.

“Alright non-drivers, let’s go to the Gracey Mansion I guess..” Melana sighed as she got in the driver seat starting her car and driving to the mysterious forest.

Once they got there, they all got out walking to their final destination. After at least fifteen minutes they made it to the worse looking mansion. Melana sighed as she felt a pit in her stomach.

“Something isn’t right. The door is open,” Melana said, “Let me check what’s up.” She said walking towards the opened door.

“What? The door isn’t opened.” Anabelle said.

“It is! It’s completely wide open.” Melana assured.

“Are you seeing those Melana. The door is shut and most likely locked.” Jack added. Melana sighed in frustration.

“Guess I’m seeing things again..” Melana sighed, though still walking towards the door, ignoring their non-verbal warnings.

“Melana stop.” Anabelle said.

“Yeah stop!” The twins replied.

“Yeah!” Jack added in. Though not sure what was going on at the moment. But Melana was completely out of it now, her eyes droopy and she continued to walk closer and closer, being pulled in by the mansion’s trance. The friend group didn’t think to stop the troubled teen as she reached the front door, the door to them finally opening by itself. All of them terrified with fear, that the house was alive. They all snapped out of their terrified state and they all called out.

“MELANA!” But it was too late, the door slammed behind her. The four running up and trying everything to pry the door open to help their friend. 

“Should we call the police?!” Anabelle asked.

“And tell them what? That a house kidnapped our friend and she’s locked in?” Nancy replied, “They’ll think we’re out of our minds!”

“We have to get her out! She could get killed!” Jack said, almost on the verge of tears.

“Right! Let’s think!” Sarina said as she walked away from the door, getting the others around to figure out a plan.

Snapping out of her subconscious, Melana found herself on the floor of a nice looking hallway.

“Huh? What happened, why does my head hurt so bad… Wait, where am I?” Melana thought holding her throbbing head. Melana sat up looking around. She looked up and saw a window. She stood up and walked over to it, freezing in terror once she realized where she was. She covered her mouth trying not to scream, not wanting to draw any attention to herself, though that plan had already failed, a small glow emitted from behind her.

“What is someone with beauty like yours doing in a decaying mansion such as mine?” A young male asked. Melana froze with fear, she turned around slowly, her eyes going small as she saw the scariest thing she has ever seen in her life.

“GHOST!! I’m gonna die here!” Melana thought.

“I didn’t mean to trespass, I swear! I’ll just be on my way!” Melana said with the confidence she had left to muster. She booked it for the door, turning the doorknob, only finding out now the disturbing truth, she was stuck.

“My dear seems you are stuck here for a while. Let me introduce myself, I am Gracey, the residents here call me Master Gracey. I own the mansion.” Gracey said.

“Uh, I-I’m M-Melana…” Melana said sheepishly.

“No need to be scared love, I’m here to help protect you,” Gracey reassured. 

“O-Okay, w-why am I here?” Melana questioned.

“Either to your fate, or to find out something. The mansion picks and chooses. But come, let me take you on a small tour.” Gracey said, appearing at Melana’s sighed, which made her jump. Gracey wrapped his arm around her arm and he started to walk taking Melana in tow. 

His tour guided her through the surprisingly well-fitted mansion, nothing was decomposing or rotting, which Melana questioned very much, but didn’t mention, she met some other ghouls as well.

“This is Madam Leota. She is a fortune teller.” Gracey explained.

“S-She’s a h-head…” Melana stuttered

“Yes child, I am without a body. But do not be afraid, your future sees no death for a long time, but soon, something special will happen.” Leota responded with a smile. Melana sighed in relief.

“Thank goodness. I didn’t want to die,” Melana said, “but something special? I don’t think so.” 

“Listen to your heart child, and something special will pop out with no problem,” Leota replied. 

“Okay, I guess,” Melana said.

“Alright my dear, we should continue! More people to meet and so little time, materializing is very short in these times, then I will take you to your room, don’t worry, I will keep you safe out of harm’s way, your room will stand alone from the others, close to mine though.” Gracey said.

“That sounds reassuring, but I need to eat, and drink,” Melana brought up.

“Oh! Of course! My chefs will make the finest feast, for someone with beauty like yours, you only deserve the best.” Gracey said.

“O-Okay,” Melana responded. She looked around some more. “Where do those stairs lead to?” Melana asked.

“You mustn’t go up those stairs, those stairs lead to the attic, and you don’t want to see what vengeful ghost lurks up there,” Gracey warned. Melana gulped a bit but nodded.

“Master Gracey. It’s almost time.” An older male said from behind, which made Melana freeze in place.

“Alister please, try not to frighten the poor girl. I just got her used to everything,” Gracey said now agitated. 

“Sorry Master Gracey,” Alister replied. Melana turned around to face her new apprentice. With no eye and a noose tied loosely around his neck, his fate was sealed immediately by the looks Melana got of him.

“Alister, please take her to the room beside mine, she doesn’t need to be wandering the halls at this late,” Gracey demanded. Alister nodded and held his hand out for Melana to take.

“Come young one, let this short tour be ended, I will lead the way,” Alister said. Melana took his hand, oddly finding comfort in his gentle soft hands. He leads the way, giving small ghost jokes along the way to lighten the mood, which Melana giggled slightly to everyone.

“Found of jokes are you?” Alister asked.

“Oh yeah, I have a sense of humor like no other. I love dad jokes and puns as well, my dad wrote a whole journal of jokes, I read that thing multiple times. It’s one of the things that mom lets me have insight into how dad was like when he was still alive,” Melana said.

“I’m sorry for your passing. I hope you’ve done well, you’ve seemed to have done well without him,” Alister said.

“Yeah, I guess. But I wish I could’ve met him though…” Melana said sheepishly.

“Well, we can talk more about it in the morning, we have arrived,” Alister said, opening the door and showing the big room with a well-kept bed in the middle. “If you need anything, just call, I will always be able to help, as well as Master Gracey, or Madam Leota.” Melana nodded.

“Thank you, mister Alister,” Melana said as she walked into the room.

“You can just call me Alister,” Alister replied with a smile. Melana nodded as she silently closed the door, she ran over and hid under the covers of the bed even putting the pillows under the blanket so she can rest properly, not even five minutes later, Melana was out like a light.

______________________________________________________________

Sorry its quite short, but I hope you still enjoyed anyway!

@asktheghosthost

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #246

(song lyrics here idc)

What is the most you’ve ever eaten in one sitting? I don't know. Probably too many slices of pizza back when I could kill pizza if I was hungry enough. How often do you skip breakfast? Rarely. What’s the longest you’ve gone without leaving the house? A couple+ weeks, probably. Where are you going the next time you go out? School. What kinds of things are likely to make you cry? Reunions of like any type, seeing things (esp. animals) in pain, if my feelings are deeply hurt, deaths... stuff like that. Really nothing unusual. What are some things that make others cry that don’t make you cry at all? Hm. I dunno. I'm sure there's something, but I'm unsure. If you drink/smoke, how often do you do these things? I don't smoke, and I'll ever only have like a drink or two on some holidays or for my birthday. What website do you spend the most time on and why? YouTube because it essentially replaces television for me. What’s the most amount of time you’ve spent online? Is this usual for you? Oh my god don't ask me this. What is one belief you used to have, but no longer do? In what ways are you influenced by the opinions of others, if ever? The one I disdain the most was being homophobic up to my late teenage years. I wanna curb stomp that ignorant fucking kid. I wouldn't say I'm influenced by other's opinions on things very much. What was the last thing to make you feel good about yourself? Drinking water lmao. How would you describe your overall (or preferred) personal aesthetic? My friend recently described me as a "gothic lolita" and y'know he's onta something. What kinds of small judgments are you likely to make about others? *Small* judgments? Uhhhh... God why am I blanking on surveys so much lately. What was the last thing you did mostly because society expected you to? Shower, 'cuz I seriously wasn't feeling it but needed to anyway. When was the last time you felt out of place? I had to babysit my nephew on my own early last month and I felt like I was in a different universe. I felt so, so unfit in the position and just all-around uncomfortable. I love that boy to death but babysitting is noooooot my thing. Do you believe in aliens, spirits, or angels of any sort? Yeah. Well, not "angels" by true definition, no. In what ways are you superstitious? I'm not. Where was the last place you went walking and how far? Would you rather exercise alone or with other people? Like, for fun? Not since I was at Sara's. I DO NOT like exercising in front of other people at all. What kinds of nail polish colors do you prefer to wear? How about makeup? Black is the entirely superior makeup color. How would you describe your own relationship with makeup? It's just for fun for me when I actually feel like it, and even that's rare. I usually only put makeup on for some pictures. Who has been in your life the longest amount of time? What about the shortest? My mom the longest, and my school teachers the shortest, I guess? Who was the last person to leave your life? How about return to it? My fucking therapist that deserves my fist through her face. Return, uhhhh yeah I dunno. It might be Sara, and that was yearsss ago. When it comes to travel, what kinds of places intrigue you most? Wildernesses, especially with mountains, rivers, waterfalls... that kind of stuff. Do you think humans colonizing Mars is a good idea? Would you go, if you could? No. Focus on the goddamn planet we're already on. If it was a life or death situation, I'd go, but otherwise, I'm staying here and at least trying to patch it up. What is the farthest you’ve walked in one day and what made you do it? Oh, many miles, I'm sure. I used to walk for literally hours out in my yard at night with my iPod. That was so common for me. Funny how now I'm recovering from muscle atrophy in my legs. Do you have a chore/housecleaning routine or anything like that? A "routine," no. How organized would you say your living space is? The house is currently a travesty. What is something important that’s often on your mind lately? Success in school. Do you find it easier to forgive yourself or others? Others. Have you ever had to call 911? For who/what reason? Yes; Mom thought she might've been having a heart attack. Thank fuck she wasn't. Do you like oatmeal? If so, what kinds of things do you like in it? Oh yeah. It's like a regular for me now that I'm big time trying to lose weight. I like the apple cinnamon one. What was going on the last time you felt nostalgic? Thinking about that walking question. How much attention do you pay to the movements of the stars and planets, and do you believe they influence anything? The most non-Pagan belief I have is being void of this one. No. When was the last time you were afraid to tell someone something? Heh, speaking of being (mostly, ig) Neo-Pagan. Classmate and I were doing an assignment getting to know each other and she asked my religion. She was a serious Christian and was clearly SO uncomfortable when I awkwardly answered lmao. When was the last time something didn’t go the way you expected it would? My disability case hearing just a week back. I expected to be way, way more terrified, shaking even, and was prepared for an intimidating judge. Just in general I was afraid of it being "court-like" and with a lot of people, but it was okay. I think having my attorney there was crucial to my (relative) calmness, though, because I was comfortable with and liked him. What is the most difficult or involved video game you’ve ever played? Most difficult that I ever tried, Dark Souls. Quit that waaaay early. Hardest that I've beaten, I honestly think The Legend of Spyro: The Eternal Night. Don't even @ me w/o trying it yourself 'cuz that game was so fucking hard to where I rage-quit for years until beating it. I did play it a second time for fun, though. Still hard. Most involved, oh, easily World of Warcraft. Years of effort put into too many characters la;ksdjfawoei Have you ever taken lessons for anything? Yeah; dance for a very long time as well as guitar. What’s your favorite band’s name? Well Ozzy goes solo. Btw I nearly died when I heard the Parkinson's news wtf life how dare why him- Who is your last sent text to? My mom. What’s your favorite flavor of Gatorade? I do noooot like Gatorade. What does your bikini look like? Oh hunny I'm barely comfortable in a one-piece. Do you drink the milk after you finish cereal or just leave it in the bowl? I can almost never drink it. The taste is just changed and is usually gross. Have you ever worn glitter eyeliner? No, yikes. Imagine that getting in your eye. Has anyone ever called you a hippie? I don't think so. Did you have any unread texts this morning? No. Have you ever been involved in strength training? No. Who is the last person you kissed? Sara. Have you ever been to a pottery painting store? No. Are bonfires common with you and your friends? Not at all. I don't think I've ever done that with friends. If you’re really quiet, what is probably the reason? I'm thinking about something intently. What does your boyfriend/girlfriend call you? N/A How much does the last person you kissed mean to you? A whole lot. Do you use lotion? If my skin is particularly dry. Have you ever used a sewing machine? No. Is hairspray a staple in your morning routine? I've never regularly used it. Do you believe in teenage love? Fuck yes I do, I can promise you that. When is your favorite TV show on regularly? It's discontinued. Who is your favorite person to waste time with? Sara. What has been the most significant thing to happen to you this year? Well, it's the first day of February, so I'll imagine you're asking about the past year, in which case I went back to school. What kind of kid were you when you were seven? Happy, weird, kinda hyper, outgoing and goofy. Do you always eat those mints you get at some restaurants? Yeah, if they're not the semi-soft ones that kinda melt in your mouth. Ew. Is there a subject you know so much about that you’d be able to teach it? Sure, but nothing like seriously important. Do you believe that being ‘cultured’ is important? Why or why not? I mean, probably if you travel. It's definitely wise to try to act at least semi-"appropriately" in another country. Where did you purchase the computer you’re using right now? Best Buy or Office Depot, idr. Do you think it’s fair to compare Family Guy to The Simpsons? I don't care? Will you miss CDs if they end up going obsolete? Why or why not? Not really, I just don't care. If you could relive one hour of your life so far, what would you choose? I don't have a clue. Do you think animals have a sense of humor? Probably. Animals can definitely act silly. Are you proud of your hometown, or do you try to distance yourself from it? That place is shit. Has your idea of the perfect romantic partner changed with age? Oh yeah, to a degree at least. I had such a fairy-tale ideology on love back then. How many cars have you ever owned? Myself, zero. Can you do math in your head well? I almost can't at all. What’s your favorite flavor of potato chip? Oh man, that's hard. Maybe salt and vinegar. Do you ever read the weather forecast? I mean I'll check the app on my phone occasionally. Do amusement park rides make you sick? Thus far in my life, no, but I'm too afraid to try some out of fear of that. Who is your favorite Star Wars character? Don't even like SW. What kind of cheese do you put on your sandwiches? American. What radio station do you listen to the most? None. Who was the last person to give you a gift? A family friend for Christmas. How old were you when you got your driver’s license? I'm about to be 24 and still don't have it. What was the first thing you ever learned how to cook? Scrambled eggs. Did you ever collect beanie babies? Maybe? I know I had one big one (me and my sisters had a matching set of different colors; mine was pink, what a shocker), but idk if I actually collected them. When was the last time you got a haircut? Early last month. Have you ever been to a bachelor/bachelorette party? No. How many people can you say you TRULY love? Romantically? Two. Platonically, a whole lot. Where are you most ticklish on your body? My feet jfc. Have you ever bailed anyone out of jail? Nope. What’s the last board game you played? Shit, what's it called. Something with my nephew. It's the one with the popping dice in the middle and four different colors to move around the board. "Sorry!" or something? Have you ever given someone a fake phone number? Might've when stupid kid me made prank calls. Do you have any bumper stickers on your car? No. Do you leave good tips when you eat out at restaurants? I've never been the one paying. Do you still own any VHS tapes? I'm sure Mom has home videos stored somewhere. If there was a real Jurassic Park, would you visit it? Oh fuck yeah 'cuz I'm dumb and love dinos. Have you ever gone golfing? Not legit golfing. Do you know any sign language? No. How many friends do you have that are married? Close friends, like people I still regularly talk to, none. Do you still have your wisdom teeth? Yes. Did you have a swing set in your yard when you were a child? Yes. Do you eat your mac & cheese with a fork or a spoon? I don't really care so I haven't noticed which I usually use. Where did you have your first kiss? His bed. When you were a kid, were you ever afraid of cooties? Lol no. Do you ever go Christmas caroling in December? No, I could never omg. Which overrated tattoo are you sick of seeing? I don’t care. Get what you want. What was the last thing you taught a younger kid? Apparently to say "aw shucks" at everything lmao. Are the clocks in your house mostly digital or analog? Digital. We have on analog in the living room. How long have you had your television(s)? God, years. A loooong time, but it's a fine TV. Do you like watching movies made with CGI or do you prefer hand-drawn ones? I tend to enjoy CGI more. I like realism in what I watch. Where did your parents buy their car(s)? Dad, idk. Mom got hers for free; a dance friend ran into a deer, so the front bumper got fucked up, and she wanted a new vehicle. Mom took it because shit, it was drivable, and she DIY fixed up the bumper to make sure it stays in place. Literally with zip ties and duct tape lmfao but HEY it WORKS. Do you know why your grandparents chose your mother’s name? No. Do you think you’d do well at teaching the English language to a foreigner? I think I'd be at least decent. What is a store you like that is exclusive to your country? Idk what's only exclusive to the country. If you attend school, what time do you usually get home after? Like, 4:35 or so. Mom finishes her field work at 4, and afterwards we go home. Have you written a resume before, either for yourself or someone else? Yes. What is your favorite thing about snow? IT'S PRETTY. What do you usually do when you have trouble sleeping? Try to go back to sleep at first, and if I really can't, I get back up on the laptop for a while. Are you satisfied with your social life (or lack thereof)? NONONONONONONONO. What TV show do you just assume you wouldn’t like? 13 Reasons Why. Do your friends have more money than you? lol duh I make none. Who always has the power to make you feel intimidated? Pretty much men as a whole...

[tactileconsensus]

happy accidents.

She treads the worn out city streets as any other troll would. She wears tedious black clothes, and her reddish complexion brands her as insignificant to the majority of the high-blooded locals. Her long, long hair - a feature that has often been the only thing people remember about her - has been braided and pinned up, making it’s length unremarkable. Her blank expression looks unfriendly and keeps others from wanting to look at her for too long. Nothing about her is special. The group of indigos that pass by don’t even seem to notice she’s there. It’s perfect.

The blue lights adorning the sidewalk are the only company she keeps. She’s enjoying the way they pulse and illuminate the ostentatious gardens along the way, giving every strange and beautiful flower she encounters an alien glow. These high-bloods sure know how to impress a dumb girl from the woods. She’s never even seen most of these species... She snaps a few pictures so she may search for their names later.

She has had many names but only one truly belongs to her: Morras. That is the only name her friends know. Now that she thinks about it, it’s probably a good thing that she has so few of those. It’s not that she worries about what would happen if her real name got leaked out to the world but, in Morras’ line of work, one learns to treasure anonymity.

With each step she takes she feels the comforting weight and swing of the weapons she’s almost always carrying around with her: daggers and small throwing knives, things as sharp and dangerous as a bear’s claws. They remind her of home; the road’s never lonely this way.

Morras walks calmly for a while longer until a number of beautifully lit, highblood-owned mansions begin to rise above the horizon. She starts to hear music and the laughter of dozens of trolls who have decided to enjoy the cool breeze. They are all wearing fancy clothes and sipping on something dark with delight. 

The bright lights of the lively neighborhood cast dark shadows that she inches towards slowly until she vanishes from sight. Morras sneaks from building to building with feline grace, keeping her eyes and ears peeled for anything that might try to creep up on her. 

Deftly she continues until she finally arrives at the party. She struggles with a very stubborn window she’s forced to break and kill two guards for. If only she’d found the courage to do all of this in heels and a suit, she thinks, then she might’ve simply swaggered through the main entrance like everyone else and avoided this unnecessary death. She spares some time to close their eyes, to move their bodies somewhere quieter and mourn their passing in case nobody else cared. ‘Rest easy, ya’ poor bastards’. Their fear led them to loyalty and servitude they weren’t ready for. They deserved closure, and certainly not the one granted by death.

Morras leaves the corpses behind. If she’s not careful, she’ll be forced to take another life or risk compromising the mission, so she tries her damned hardest to navigate the space undetected. She succeeds. 

She climbs an embellished stairwell and hugs the wall as she hunts down a specific room. When she arrives at her destination, two guards stand between her and her kill.

Two knives disappear from her belt with only a flash of cold steel as warning. Each blade finds and pierces through the thigh of each guard and, before they have time to process what happened, before they can even scream from the pain, the substance coating her blades makes them go limp. Morras lunges forward and catches them easily before they fall. She watches their chest rise and fall for a moment as they enjoy a much deserved nap and knows she can move on to more important things.

Morras straightens her back and takes a deep breath before walking through the large door. She’s not nervous, she just wants to make sure she’s ready for anything.

She hears screaming from the other side and she’s immediately on edge. Carefully, Morras rests an ear against the door and tries to make sense of the muffled voices and only stops when she hears glass shattering.  

The first thing she sees the moment she bursts into the room is a table neatly set up for two where dinner seems to have been forgotten. Behind the table stands a young troll, holding a blunt knife between her and Morras’ target. For a moment she wants to protest and ask why this child has come to steal her kill, but that chain of thought is broken when the dim candle light in the room bounces off the streams of blue running down her rounded face. “I WANNA GO HOME!” She cries out, a pathetic attempt to threatened her captor into submission. It doesn’t work, of course.  

“You are home, Nakomi! Please, my child, you must stay. I can help-” Morras’ arrival cuts their sentence in half. She watches their fake smile fall apart, anger poisoning their expression. “Who are you? How did you get here?!” They bark. The girl doesn’t seem to know where to point her knife anymore.

“I’m good.” Morras’ eyes linger on her. She wishes she would take this opportunity to run away, but she seems to be paralyzed in fear. 

They scoff. “The only good assassin, is a dead one, my dear,” The world ‘assassin’ seems to send the girl through ten different emotions at once, all of them negative. Morras would never do anything to her... Not that she’d be able to guess it from just looking at her perpetually hard expression. “What have I ever done to you anyway?”

“To me? Nothin’, I don’t think. But you definitely wronged someone enough that they paid me to see you dead, so” She flashed them one of her favorite daggers - a large jet black beauty with small roses carved along the handle and blade alike.

“If what drives you is money, I assure you I can double whatever you were offered. Hell, I’ll even let you take her!” They grab the girl’s wrist suddenly. She’s so weak and frightened that it’s enough to make the kitchen knife fall from her trembling hands. She looks between the two adults in the room, terrified at the prospect of being sold to a scary assassin, or staying here with a mad slaver. Morras’ heart breaks a little. “She will control the minds of your enemies, if only you can tame the bitch,” Morras’ fist clenches around her weapon. Research told her this troll could match her in speed, and that was really the only thing keeping them alive. They were holding a kid hostage. 

“Only problem is she’s an unpredictable little creature - oh, and she’s incredibly ungrateful; here I was, keeping her safe and trying to make sure she didn’t kill herself with her own stupidity and that is how she thanks me.” They look down at the knife on the floor. They’re practically mocking a defenseless girl; it’s disgusting. “Look what your idiocy caused you already.” They pull back her silvery bangs, revealing the scaring on her forehead. She yelps in protest.

Morras looks at Nakomi with what she hopes to be a sympathetic look. She knows what nearly frying your own brains feels like, knows what a terrifying thing it is to go through it alone.

“I’m not convinced.” Morras replies after a brief moment of silent contemplation. “How do I know you’re not lyin’? That could just be a normal girl with pretty hair and some bruises, no?” Morras looks at the girl as she speaks her next words, begging the gods to make her understand. “I’m gonna’ need a quick demonstration.”

“What? That’s ridiculous. I just told you she has no control over her own damned powers.” 

“Oh, please.” Morras continues to look directly at Nakomi’s soul. “Have some faith.”

A moment passes before it finally dawns on her. 

Morras speaks again but she’s not really sure what she’s saying. All she means to do is distract them while the small girl frowns through her cerulean tears and struggles to seize control of her captor’s body.

It takes her long enough to make Morras a bit nervous, but Nakomi does eventually force them to open their hands. She runs away as soon as she’s free, and the time it takes them to regain control is more than enough to ensure Morras scores a clean kill - not that they deserved one.

The girl throws both arms around the scary assassin. She’s shaking and Morras is as awkward as ever. After a few seconds of not knowing what to do, Morras bends down and hugs her back until her crying dies out.

“Did he hurt you?” Morras asks.

The girl means to say ‘no’, since that’s technically the truth, but she clearly feels like they hurt her a lot. She doesn’t say a word.

“He’s dead.” Morras doesn’t understand what she’s supposed to be saying in moments like this, but she’s trying to be comforting. 

Nakomi sniffles. “Is she going to kill me next?”

“What?” 

The girl’s eyes go wide. “W-what what?”  

“You think I’m gonna’ kill you?”

“How did you-!” She looks at her with wide, trembling eyes and takes a step back. “You’re scary.”

“If I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead already.” Morras tries to reason. Naturally, it doesn’t help much. Oh, no, is she going to start crying again? “Fuckin’... O-okay, listen,” She sighs. “I kill bad people. Like that fucker over there, right?” Nakomi nods slowly. “You’re not a bad person, so I’m not gonna’ kill ya’. It’s that easy.”  

Silence takes over and a moment passes.

“How did you know what I-”

“I got cool powers. Like you.” She’s surprised. Does she not know others like her exist? “I can read thoughts.”

“O-oh...” Nakomi still looks a bit frightened, but Morras spots a flash of something that puts her at ease.

Silence takes over once more. Morras coughs. 

“We have to leave this place.” 

“How are we going to do that?”

“Dunno. Same way I came in? We’ll figure it out.” Morras looked down at her with intensity. “Stay close to me unless there’s a fight goin’. If we’re attacked, you just hide and wait for me, okay?”

“O-Okay.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

The journey back down would’ve been much easier if she’d been heartless enough to slaughter every guard on duty earlier.

Walking around with company during work - a child, of all people - is new and a lot to handle. She keeps worrying about her whereabouts and over planning their next movements. At some point, a moment of doubt is enough to alert a group of guards that immediately swarm them. Morras counts 5 in total; they all wear the same uniform but some have spears while others have swords. She knows she can take them on, but she needs Nakomi to hide first.

“Go!” Morras yells at her small companion, pushing her away from a mean spear swing that would’ve cut her in half. She runs off, panicked. Two tranquilizing blades find two different targets and the threat’s reduced significantly. Those were her last; she would carry more tranquilizers around if the sedative wasn’t so damn expensive. 

Two of the remaining guards run towards her, one swinging high, the other going low. Morras jumps over the spear and extends an arm upwards to hold the guard’s wrist, seizing control of his sword hand. Morras spins and throws her back side roughly against the guard’s chest. She bends his arm in a painful angle that forces him to drop his weapon. The guard sees their closeness as an opportunity to yank her by the hair with his good hand, but all that does is release her gigantic braid from a maze of hairpins. Morras twists her body and grabs her long, long hair at the base to avoid any pain. She kicks him in a certain spot that has him falling on his knees. Unfortunately for him, he refuses to release her braid even as he squirms, so Morras chokes him with it. He’ll live.

The guard who’d swung her spear at her before turns around and tries the same move again. It actually grazes her cheek once but, when she tries another attack Morras just grabs her spear, ripping it from her firm grasp like it was nothing. She hits her with the blunt end of the weapon, stunning her, and sticks the pointy end through the guard she feels sneaking up behind her. 'I really didn’t want to kill another person today...’ Morras thinks with a tinge of sadness.

That short moment of vulnerability is all the last guard needs. Weaponless, she rips one of Morras’ knives from her friend’s body and sprints towards her, aiming to sink it right between her ribs, where her heart might beat. She probably thinks Morras killed her friends, and she’s not entirely wrong.

Morras knows she could’ve defended herself in time from her surprise attack, but she’s still thankful for Nakomi who repeats her neat little trick on the guard, making her drop Morras’ knife. Morras’ fighting instincts kick in. They trade blows until the guard falls on the ground in pain, rust pouring from her nose and lips. Morras sits her up and locks her in a chokehold until she stops moving. The guard joins her friends in the realm of dreams.

At the end of the fight, Nakomi pokes her head out from her hiding spot. “Is... Is it over?” 

“Yeah. You can come.”

Nakomi walks the distance to join her new ally. She’s avoiding Morras’ gaze like she thinks she’s about to get in trouble. “I know I promised to just hide, but...”

“You did good.” Morras wants to smile. Instead, she gives her a lame thumbs up and a nod. 

“You did everything...” She shrugs and picks at her fingernails. Her cheeks are tinted blue and she seems to be smiling.

“Oh! Did you ever tell me your name, miss?”

Morras stops to think about it. Her loaf of bread is lamely forgotten between her lips as she does it. “Did I not?”

“No!” Nakomi replies before swallowing a large bite of chocolate cake. “If you did, I forgot. Sorry.”

“Morras.” It sounds silly when said with your mouth full. It earns her a giggle.

“Morras, huh.” She repeats, looking off into the distance. 

The night had gotten colder, so Morras let her borrow her sweater. The damned thing was already over-sized on her, so Nakomi was currently wearing what looked to be a full body woolen dress, with sleeves she had to roll up to the armpit. 

They had distanced themselves from her captor’s corpse and the fancy party their matesprit threw. The dinner Nakomi left back at their mansion explained the embarrassing noises her stomach was making. Morras offered to buy her something cheap and sweet to remedy that, and that’s how they came to be where they are, sitting on the sidewalk outside a convenience store, eating something light. 

“Thank you for saving me, Morras.”

“It was no problem.” She nods. Saving her was basically a happy accident, really. “I’m glad he’s dead.”

The girl stays quiet, making a face. Morras doesn’t need to read her mind to know she wants to agree.

“It’s okay to want someone dead, sometimes.” Morras tells her calmly. “Some folks just need killin’. It’s why I exist.”

“I never thought of assassins as the good guys. But you’ve been so nice to me...” She takes another bite of cake. “Do you have other good assassin friends? Oh! Oh, are you part of a super duper secret society or something? Who pays you to kill the bad guys, anyway?” 

“I don’t really have assassin friends, no.” Most assassins she does know are batshit crazy. It’s why she works alone. “As for who pays me, well, I suppose it can be anyone? And really any sum will do.”

“Who hired you to kill them?”

“A guard.”

“A guard?” She blinks, confused. “Why were they all trying to kill us, then?” 

“They’re too scared not to. During my research I found out that practically everyone working for them was hiding from something big. So, really, either they did as they were told, or they were sent back to their old lives without any protection. Can you blame them?” Nakomi looks away and doesn’t seem to know how to reply. What Morras said has clearly hit close to home. “They were doing the same to you, huh.”

Nakomi sat in silence, fighting back tears. “My lusus...” She sniffed. “She d-died yesterday. I searched for help and I found them. They said I’d never have to worry about the empire coming after me if I accepted their help... They weren’t that scary at first.” Morras places her hand on her shoulder. “But then they said I could never go home again. They said I would have to do everything they said and that I’d be punished if I didn’t,” She’s sobbing again. Morras wants to do more than stare and touch her arm.

“It’s okay. You’re okay.”  

The girl hugs her. They sit there in silence until the tension dissipates and her tears dry up for the second time in only a few hours. This poor girl deserves better.

“You really are cool... A little scary, though.”

“I know.” Morras sighs. She’s definitely pouting. “This is just... how my face works, though...” It’s obvious this undeniable truth about her is something she’s insecure about.

 “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” Nakomi jumps in her seat, now worried that she hurt her feelings. “You’re really pretty! And- and your hair is nice! You just... You should smile more.”

“You’re right.” She nods. “I’ll... work on it.” As if she hasn’t been doing just that for sweeps now. 

Morras blinks. “Now that you mention things to work on - you should definitely train your power. They were right when they said that it can kill you.”

“How do you know?”

“Nearly died once.” She shrugs. “Don’t worry, though. You might not know how to control yourself just yet, but you have talent. I’ve seen it twice today already.”

Nakomi peers up at her shyly after a moment of no reaction. “... Will you teach me?”

“Huh?” 

“Um-” She looks away, embarrassed. “I don’t know anyone else with cool powers like us, and you seem to know a thing or two about my current level already, so... Why not?” She chuckles. She’s nervous.

Morras pauses to think. Morras isn’t good at many things, and she’s certainly never been a teacher to anyone. Could she really teach a girl she barely knew about powers she did not have? ‘At the very least, I can keep her safe’.

“Why not.” She repeats with a nod.

Nakomi smiles brighter than the sun and, for once, Morras’ cold expression doesn’t stand a chance.

[setoangel01-fanfiction]

Beautiful Disaster

Beautiful Disaster - Chapter 8 (Previous Chapters)

Rated: T

Chapter Summary: After Johnny's long horrific night and near death-experience, Ash comes up with a plan that may be beneficial to them both…but will he accept her offer?

Fanfiction.net

A03

 It was at least an hour before Johnny stirred.

Ash's hands still dragging in soft strokes across his slack face but the second he began stirring, she immediately stopped. Deciding instead to pick up the rag she discarded earlier and pretend she was still just cooling down the swelling even if the rag had already gotten much warmer with the passage of time.

Tired blue eyes met his half-lidded chestnut gaze that peeked out from behind gray (and for his right eye - purplish blue) lids. Johnny blinked a few times as if mentally evaluating where he was before licking his lips with a throaty groan - yeah, not the best idea to lick a swollen, bloody lip.

"...Ash?" he asked, accent heavy and thick with the clinging of sleep.

"Yeah," she reassured with a gentle paw stroke across his brow ridges. "It's me."

"Ugh…" Johnny grunted, arm lifting lazily before he placed a large hand upon his throbbing forehead. "'ow long was I sleepin'?"

"Not long." she answered truthfully, "Maybe an hour or two - couldn't tell ya exactly."

"W-Why didn't you just put my head down? That can't be comfortable for your legs." his genuine care shocked her at times. Here he was broken and bruised in so many parts of his body but yet he found himself worrying about her legs being uncomfortable of all things.

"I didn't want to risk waking you up." she shrugged, voice soft as she ran the damp rag across his eyes to rid him of the bit of crust that formed from his short nap. "If you're anything like me, I get grumpy when I get woken up so I thought it best you do it on your own."

Johnny chuckled, seeming a bit surprised at her gentle and kind action but said nothing other than a breath of "thanks".

"Yeah, well, you would've done the same for me…heh, probably more, but…" Ash's voice tapered off when she saw the pained look on his face; furry brows pinched as he rubbed the tips of his fingers over his forehead.

Ash gingerly brushed them aside and started massaging his forehead with the cooling rag and and purposeful strokes of her fingertips. Relieved when his hands fell back to his sides and he fully relaxed into her ministrations.

It grew silent for a long time as she stewed in the familiar anxiety nestled deep in her chest.

Knowing that while he was alive and in one piece, he was still hurting and that nothing had really been solved regarding his predicament. There was still three deranged animals out there wanting to hurt (kill) him and he refused to call the authorities or even go to a fucking hospital to get bandaged up properly. Terrified to even call the police to report the incident in fear his father would find out and get himself a longer prison sentence when he would indeed break out again and hunt down the bastards who did it. A part of her so tempted to get that to happen (she'd love to watch Big Daddy wring their scrawny necks) but wanting to respect Johnny's wishes won out that baser desire for vengeance.

It was still so damn infuriating though! Johnny refusing help from any outside sources and it was only the adoration she had nestled in her heart for him that she wasn't punching some sense into him right now.

"Well…" she finally spoke when Johnny's headache seemed to wane, "You really got yourself in a predicament, didn't you?" Ash asked (throwing out a million and one other things she wanted to say) while plopping the rag back onto the couch beside her.

"Heh." Johnny chuckled yet no mirth was ingrained in that bitter laugh, "My dad did, but I guess ya can say that…"

Ash bit back a response when he hastily continued; his eyes now open and pleading with her.

"Really, i-it's alright though. I don't want you to worry about any of this, Ash. You have enough on your plate - it's my problem - I'll deal with it."

"Hn - N-Now, how the hell do you propose to do that?" she questioned - quite transparent that she didn't believe he had any of this figured out quite yet. While awaiting an answer, her short fingers moved further up his head to twirl languidly in the longer, lighter fur; taking a second to thumb over the patch of hazelnut tinted fur.

"..."

"Johnny?" Ash asked again.

The gorilla let out a deep sigh before admitting, "I dunno, Ash… I - I know I can't stay here forever. Mr. Moon is already getting suspicious and the guilt is eating away at me, but…I can't stay at the garage either - especially now! A-And trying to afford a different place to live while dealing with my dad's lawyers and their outrageous bills that keep piling up, all these unnecessary court dates that cost so much and do so little! Every cent I make is going to this a-and I have no choice but to keep working and hoping for the best but I know this charade can't last forever…I just - I - GAH!" he yelled and pulled back her paw when he buried his face in his hands.

A grunt of pain followed the second his palms made contact and Ash wanted to bop him on the shoulder for being an idiot and touching his tender face so roughly.

"Johnny…look at me."

It took a good few moments before he pulled his hands from his face and laid them back on his bare stomach. Ash followed the motion and took in the darkening bruises that now lay scattered on his chest. Visual reminders of the hell he went through tonight - almost losing his life and now having to deal with the consequences of not having a safe, steady home and peering over his shoulder to wonder if they'd attack him again.

That's no life - it's hell, and Johnny didn't deserve that.

Prison was a better word for the situation he was in and Ash wondered if there was even a solution. Her own problems with her ex-boyfriend annoying her all hours of the night were nothing in comparison to the drastic switch Johnny's life had taken. Minor complaints and superficial issues seemed pale in comparison to the circus his life had transformed into. Multiple doubts and questions lingering painfully over what he could possibly do - what she could possibly do to help him…and then it hit her.

Ash's eyes widened as she thought about it and before she could talk herself out of it (or even mull over the idea completely), she found her mouth and tongue doing the work for her.

"Johnny," she spoke steadily, continuing when his eyes met hers, "You're not going back to the garage…and you sure as hell not staying here and taking showers in the fucking sink."

"Heh. I haven't gotten that far yet." he chuckled but she sensed the sadness lacing his voice. His face fell a breath later and all the worries he had buried underneath the surface echoed on his down-turned face - it broke her. "What else am I supposed to do? …I have no family that isn't in prison, I'm not even safe at my own house anymore, and I sure as hell don't want anyone else in the theater knowing about this! It's bad enough that you do now…"

Ash's offer died in her throat when that statement fell from his mouth - the rare swear nothing compared to him admitting he never planned on telling her.

"…Wait…y-you never planned on telling me?" Ash's eyes widened and brow heavily furrowed as she peered down at him; not quite believing what she was hearing even as she watched the words fall straight from his lips.

"I - I don't know…Maybe? Ya know, when it was all figured out or over and done with…"

"...or you were dead?"

Johnny was surprised at the tremble in which she spoke, shocked at seeing abrupt tears filling her icy orbs.

"...Yeah…I suppose that's how you would have found out, huh?" he acknowledged, eyes turning away from hers to stare at the ceiling.

The room became almost filled with an almost deafening silence. Only sounds that infiltrated the space were of the whirring lights exuding off the small lamp far off to their right, the muffled echoes of the never-sleeping city outside, and their unsteady breaths.

It came so suddenly - anger so alarming to her as it filled her chest. As if Johnny didn't care what happened to him; not allowing anyone to help - rather deal with it on his own until it sorted itself out or he died in the process. The confession on his lips broke something deep within her.

"How dare you." Ash whimpered.

Johnny's wide gaze suddenly met hers.

"How fucking DARE you!" tears began trickling down her face without her consent; causing a thin wet trail to slip down her furry cheeks in their wake. "Not telling anyone what you were dealing with? Facing these maniacs and not even caring if they killed you!? J-Johnny, I - I…h-how….Don't you have any idea - o-or know how much you…" her trembling voice tapered off; the pain accompanying the thought of losing him and how little he seemed to care had her voice failing her.

Ash physically couldn't finish whatever statement she had tried so hard to say.

Plain confusion written on his face combined with the hell he'd - they'd been through tonight - had finally become too much for her fragile strength to handle.

No more hesitation present and not being able to handle his warm chestnut eyes looking at her that way, Ash lunged forward. Hurriedly burying her face in his throat; nose nestled against his pulse point followed by a heartbreaking sob leeching out into his fur. Small fingers pulling frantically at his thick black pelt in desperate need to grasp onto something, anything to keep her tethered to this earth and whatever remained of her sanity.

Forced to confront how close she came to losing him tonight was overwhelming and his blatant disregard for his own life broke whatever remained of her abhorrent grasping she had on a cold, uncaring demeanor. A mask she'd grasped onto for way too long. So simultaneously furious with him but just so relieved he was here in one piece and she still had time…

Johnny more or less stayed completely silent throughout.

Shock slowly wearing off at seeing her breaking down overtook any confusion; desperate need to comfort her simply overwhelming everything else. Large, shaking hands gently enveloped her body. Carefully smoothing down her frayed quills and brushing his palm over her lower back and sides in reassuring strokes. Melting into her touch and warmth bundled against his chest; comfort he'd needed so bad after tonight coming to fruition. It was soon followed by guilt - by hiding such pertinent information from her; not telling his best friend what he was dealing with when he knew she had the right to know.

Johnny had been so used to doing things by himself for so long at this point, he didn't stop and consider how it could effect others - especially her.

"'m sorry, Ash. I shouldn't 'ave said that. I shoulda told ya about all this sooner - I'm so sorry…" Johnny found his voice before it tapered off; accent thick and a bit nasally as he nuzzled her forehead with his furry cheek when words failed him.

Ash couldn't help but smile at the ticklish feeling it bestowed upon her. Hating how she let herself emotionally break down like this but in the same instance never wanted him to stop…just what was wrong with her? Yet her normal brazen and rather prickly side of her personality didn't care for soon enough, she felt herself nuzzling him back. Lifting her nose from the hallow of his throat to nuzzle her cheek against his; body gravitating even closer to his addicting warmth and feel of him under her fur and skin.

Johnny was alive, warm, whole - perhaps a bit battered and bruised but ultimately, he would be okay - and dammit, she was determined to keep him that way.

"J-Just -" Ash whimpered, swallowing back the lump in her throat before uttering, "…just…never fucking do that again - okay? You need to promise me that you'll be more careful and listen to your gut when it tells you something is off - alright?"

"...I will," he promised.

"You also better tell me anything that's wrong whether it be you need money for food or you're getting fucking stalked! Stop holding back information because you think it'll bother me or some stupid shit like that! From now on, you better tell me everything - I mean, it Johnny! You're my best friend, you should be able to tell me this stuff!" she muttered into his neck, one hand releasing from his fur to wipe furiously at a few rebellious tears that slipped down her face.

Johnny must have noticed this action and slowly pulled back to look at her; Ash following him as much as she could before she reluctantly opened her teary eyes. Shocked to no end when his massive palm was suddenly cradling her face, thumb tenderly brushing over her cheek to wipe off the few tears she missed in her haste.

"I know, and 'm sorry. B-But, I promise, Ash, I'll be sure to tell ya everything from now on. I swear it." Then he smiled at her; wiping away another droplet that fell and her eyes instinctively slipped away from his. Ash swore he felt the heat rising to her face with the brush of his thumb across her cheekbone…yet found out she kinda didn't care.

"...You better." she whispered before she again buried her face in his throat. She told herself it was only to hide from his penetrating gaze but couldn't help but admit how great it felt (especially after such hell tonight) to hold him close.

Ash wasn't sure how long they stayed like that.

It was easily the most intimate they'd ever been with each other. Touching and in closer contact than either of them had been comfortable being at any point in time before. Friends that would hug, hold hands occasionally when running through a nasty rainstorm - hell, even cuddle and fall asleep together during a movie -

…but nothing like this.

Ash supposed it could have easily been the life and death situation or her realizing (and him too) how fragile life really was. A delicate, beautiful, flighty thing that could be stolen and ripped away without rhyme or reason whenever fate deemed fit. Yet, Johnny was spared for whatever explanation and for that - she couldn't be more grateful.

In this moment, she didn't care that her nose was buried in his throat; arms scattered over his broad shoulders as she pressed herself fully against his chest and Johnny didn't seem at all eager for it to stop either. Going as far as holding her in his firm hold without having the barrier of his shirt to keep them apart and him grasping onto his usual modesty. Heartbeats thudding against each other where they could feel the rise and fall of their combined breaths and absorb the warmth of the tight embrace.

It may have been more complicated, but at this time, it was simply contact to let the other know they were alive and for right in this moment, the world was an okay place.

There were no gang members trying to kill him or no annoying ex-boyfriends at her door, no father's locked away in prison, no feeling inadequate and questioning her worth that haunted her on a daily basis. Just two souls enjoying a brief moment of respite from the harsh world that awaited beyond this small couch - nothing more.

And that was okay.

Time slipped by slowly.

Johnny's strong, steady heartbeat was pleasant and comforting beneath her palm; warm breath brushing over her forehead causing the anxiety she had been harboring since seeing him tonight slowly faded away. A quite moment of reflection to which Ash was able to re-think her almost offer she had yet to verbally state.

Only one thing was certain - Johnny returning to the garage was simply not happening.

Ash blatantly refused to allow him to go back in the vicinity of those assholes who wanted to hurt him and not even dare to give them a chance to finish the job. Simply wouldn't allow Johnny to live in the theater where there were no showers, places to store food, fridges nor kitchens and thinking of him permanently sleeping on a lumpy couch in some backroom at the theater made her stomach churn uncomfortably.

Throughout it all, she recalled Johnny's reasoning for not having the funds to get a new place. While well-warranted because of his recent struggles (of the barest minimum he told her of anyway): getting his dad out of prison, fierce prosecutors ready to lock him up forever coupled with parole boards, rising court costs and bloodthirsty lawyers (considering her dad was one) who threatened your love one's freedom if they dared miss one paycheck.

Johnny had been working so hard in spite of it all.

Promoting, practicing, cleaning, theater upkeep, and doing everything Moon asked of him and kept up their crazy performance schedule without being a minute late. To acknowledge that every cent he earned was being spent on an expensive lawyer - and knowing Johnny the way she did, he probably refused himself necessities as long as it meant a single chance for his dad to soon be free and come back home.

It couldn't have been easy but Johnny had been trying and kept his positive nature throughout; casual smile never faltering even if his world may have been crumbling underneath his feet at times. Johnny was never one to concern others with any personal issues he may have been harboring - while it was noble, it was quite annoying for she desperately wanted to help. This guy had been there for her through it all and truthfully, made it possible for her to start trusting others again. Johnny's permanent positivity (while irksome at times) had her grow to lean on him and now she wanted to repay the favor.

What Johnny truly needed now was a break - respite, relief and not be looking over his shoulder everywhere he went now. Worried they'd attack him or worse - his father subsequently finding out and worried about the lengths he'd go to avenge his son. Johnny didn't need that kind of stress along with his already hectic life and more than anything, Ash just wanted (needed) him to be safe somewhere.

A home away from his worries and those who may want to hurt him…so what better place than hers?

Part of her felt insane for considering it but they had spent so much time outside of work anyway it only felt natural. They were always together, calling, texting, and at each other's place to just bum around and it was great. Johnny was clean, respectful, and was nothing but a gentleman - so why would that change in any aspect when living with him? Both worked hellish similar schedules so it's not like they'd be home much anyway and it wasn't as if he'd permanently living on her couch; she had another room she designated her 'music room' but that could be rearranged. Having Johnny alive and in one piece meant more to her than losing out on a bit of her privacy - besides, her apartment felt a bit too empty and lonely most times.

Admitting to herself that having him around would be nice - so before she could talk herself out of it, she let the words form.

"Hey. Johnny?" she asked, breath ruffling his fur as it exited her mouth.

"Hn? Yea?" he muttered and Ash hid the smile when she noticed how sleepy he sounded; maybe even dozed off a bit without her knowledge.

"...You're staying with me and that's final." Ash spoke firmly, daring him to object.

"...W-W - ahem - Eh…What?" accented voice was nothing than a gasp, correcting himself partly through by clearing his throat.

"You heard me." Ash lifted her head to gaze at him. As expected, his eyes were wide and mouth agape while staring at her as if she'd suddenly acquired an additional head.

"...What?"

"Johnny," Ash sighed, "I want you to stay with me - and you're going to stay with me." the strange inkling of the first moment she heard him sing flicked in her head with those words. How something that at once seemed so insignificant at the time felt so profound now. A meaningless lyric once upon a time now felt pressing and breathtakingly significant in its referred meaning as it was used now.

"..."

Ash wondered if he lost the ability to speak; her own voice feeling heavy as her heart pounded painfully against her ribcage and she hoped to God the shaking that developed in her paws and the blood rushing to her cheeks wasn't too obvious. She was about to say something to make the situation and its circumstances seem lighter somehow, but before she could utter anything out, he interjected.

"Ash - I-I," his voice felt foreign; thick and upset in a way she wasn't used to hearing. So much confliction in the expression on his face and his eyes having trouble meeting hers as he spoke. Johnny took a few breaths to gather himself before he continued…and his words were not what she cared to hear.

"...I appreciate the offer - I really do," he gave her a smile that didn't reach his eyes, "…but no. I- I couldn't impose like that - I couldn't do that to you! I -" Johnny froze when she gingerly placed her small fingers over his lips, effectively silencing him.

Ash surprised herself at her forwardness but didn't show it - dutifully ignoring how his warm, soft lips felt under her fingertips and the surprise widening those gentle eyes when she spoke out with all the certainty she felt.

"I want you to stay with me." Ash flushed beside herself at the conviction in her voice and the look in his eyes when she said it had her stomach churning in a way with which she didn't think was possible. How open and clear they seemed and to cover the blush that was becoming much to prominent, she thought a more 'Ash-like' explanation was warranted.

"N-Not only for you but ya see, I have this ex-boyfriend infestation problem and I think you'd make an awesome live-in bodyguard now that I know you're not afraid to throw a punch." Ash chuckled as if to break up the tension she felt lingering in the air. Still her fingers remained over his mouth, tenderly stroking his swollen bottom lip as if to ease it as well as him in the process.

For the first time tonight, she seen him smile (genuinely this time) and Ash savored the sweet sight of it. Something that was always so common on his face was nearly absent tonight until this very moment and it warmed her heart like nothing else had before. A few seconds later, her hand moved from his lip to cup his cheek instead; remaining there to absentmindedly brush the fur covering his cheekbones. It was some form of relief; believing that he'd accept her offer and all the worries that remained buried in her gut would subside.

Yet all too soon, the smile he gave her fell and her heart lodged itself into her throat.

"I appreciate your kindness, Ash - I really do…but…I can't."

Ash's own smile faded just as quickly; brows furrowing as she stared at him but before she could butt in with a few choice words of her own, he continued.

"I couldn't do that - those blokes aren't going to give up so easily… I know they aren't, and I care way too much about you to needlessly put you through this. I can't give them the chance hurt you - I-I'd never want that to happen - I'd die before I let that happen."

Ash opened her mouth to speak, to stop him saying those things but she froze feeling his fingers suddenly over her lips - effectively silencing her much like she did to him.

"I'm not letting them hurt you too - not because of me, Ash… Never because of me. So, I'm sorry, but… I can't…"

"..."

"I just can't…" he whispered helplessly.

The steel in her eyes and heart was suddenly back with a vengeance.

Johnny's selflessness an annoying pain in her ass she was not dealing with anymore; for in his thinking, he didn't even realize how much his safety meant to her. The fact she needed him, cared for him, and wanted him safe meant more to her than some three deranged jerk-wads finding out where she lived. If it meant Johnny would stay alive and safe, she would deal with whatever hell they bothered to conjure up.

"You think I give a fuck?!" she growled after firmly pulling his fingers away from her mouth.

"A-Ash?" he was obviously scandalized by her actions (and words) but she wasn't done.

"I live in a fuckin' apartment - a police officer living three doors down mind you - I highly doubt they'll figure out where you're staying let alone the apartment number. You've been to my place, it's crawling with animals 24/7 - believe me because it's hell trying to fall asleep with all the damn noise! Those criminals may be stupid, but they're not that stupid to try that shit again with all those witnesses around."

"But they might know you live with me, follow you, and even hurt you! Perhaps even try and ransom you to lure me out, and -" Ash placed her finger over his lips again and the way they were pursed had him essentially kissing her fingertips. She ignored the shiver echoing through her spine upon feeling it and instead spoke in spite of it.

"My God! You worry too damn much. Look, I take a crowded walk every morning with a bus full of animals and you usually end up driving me home at night if we're done practicing at nearly the same time…right?"

Johnny hesitated slightly before had no choice and nodded in agreement.

"I'll be fine…and if you stay with me, you'll be too."

Johnny's eyes fell away as if unconvinced.

"Johnny, look at me," Ash directed gently and he reluctantly obeyed, "I hate that you got hurt tonight - I really do. It pisses me the fuck off…but even you have to admit that what happened shouldn't have been a surprise. The guys had been casing the place for at least a week - maybe more - and the garage is in the middle of nowhere! Hardly any street lights on the whole damn property - it's dark as hell at night around there and there's barely any street or foot traffic! It's no wonder that they finally got the balls to make a move!"

Johnny's cheeks darkened in shame but he didn't bother denying it.

"…But if you're living with me, you're not giving them the advantage. There's no way they'd try anything, and if they did, I'll call the police and your dad will be none the wiser…Capiche? We'd go on, those fuckers will either let whatever grudge they have go or be in jail. Everything will go back to normal - only, we'd be roommates. That's all." she finished, hating how her cheeks flushed at the last part.

Slowly, Ash began pulling back her fingers from his mouth.

Semi-expecting him to complain or come up with another scenario in which it was all a horrible idea…but that didn't happen. Instead, the gorilla remained painfully quiet for long drawn out moments; eyes cloudy as if lost in his head and mulling over everything she had told him. Time slipped by so much so that Ash was tempted to continue to further convince him but he beat her to it.

"...are ya sure?" Johnny asked meekly and Ash was tempted to roll her eyes.

"Yes. Would you like it in writing?" Ash teasingly replied.

"Nah, it's alright." he chuckled, smile faltering a bit when it was obvious his swollen lip made it hard to smile for too long. "But I would like to pay you back, at least help with rent at the very least. It'll make me feel better."

"If you insist but only what you can afford, Johnny. Just until this mess with your dad and his greedy lawyers is over then get ready to shell out for half of everything, buddy." The way she made it sound like a permanent thing had both of them breaking eye contact for a moment.

"Heh…I'd be happy to." he chuckled.

"Good. Then it's settled."

"...but -"

"Oh for God's sake, what now, Johnny?" Ash groaned, the exhaustion that had been plaguing her for days getting harder to ignore when it finally seemed as if there would be slight reprieve.

"...it's just…all my belongings, how am I supposed to get them out of there? I'm thinking they might stick around there - or maybe not, I don't know…Maybe I -"

"Perhaps go back during the day?" Ash interrupted, "Or bring a few buff friends with you to make sure they stay back? Hell, even Mike has a concealed carry after the whole bear incident and I hear he's a pretty good shot if the assholes want to try anything." she smirked at the shocked look that crossed his face, "You also have a truck - perfect for moving and I bet Meena, Eddie, and Buster wouldn't mind helping you move some of the larger furniture. I would offer my services but I highly doubt I could be of much help." she finished with a gesture to her petite stature.

Those words seemed to have Johnny reconsidering, his eyes flitting to the side before meeting hers again and uttering out yet another excuse, "...even then, Ash, I've been to your place. It's not very large and I don't want to clutter up your place with all my junk - I-It's not right, you shouldn't have to do this for me..."

"We've been over this - I want to." Ash sighed heavily, "Johnny, the only place you have to bend down so you don't bump the ceiling with your noggin is my front door - Other than that, it's gorilla sized enough with the tall ceilings and you've sat on and even crashed on my furniture plenty of times and it never broke. As for room, I think we'll manage the space so don't worry about that."

"But -" Johnny opened his mouth to intercept but Ash talked over him.

"But nothing, Johnny! There's plenty of room even if you want to bring your piano over! Besides, the music room you'll be staying in is nearly empty after I threw out all of Lance's shit - I'll just have to move the few guitars and amps into my living room. It's no big deal because I wanted to reorganize the living room anyway now that Lance's music collection is nothing more than a pile of ashes in my apartment's incinerator." Ash shrugged off his fears in her normal laid-back way; even giving a devilish smile when she relived the joys of burning all of Lance's possessions. "Plenty of room." she winked at him.

Johnny cracked a smile and for Ash, it was great seeing the relief fill his face even if a slight bit of worry remained etched into the furrow of his brows.

"Okay," Johnny finally acquiesced and she physically breathed a sigh of relief at his acceptance before he said something she nearly forgot mentioning, "What were ya saying 'bout Lance? An infestation?"

"Oh… That. Well, long story short - he's the bane of my existence and won't leave me alone. It's been going on for awhile."

"...is that why you're here so late?"

Ash hid the flush of embarrassment knowing how Johnny told her of his own squatting ways at the theater. Instead, she just gave him a dry look before rolling her eyes and agreeing with a shrug.

"Guess ya could say that." she verbally admitted.

"He's not trying to hurt you, is he?" the low growl in his voice had Ash looking at Johnny differently. Face heating with seeing very unfamiliar anger crossing those warm chestnut eyes with flecks of reds and coffee browns.

In that moment, Ash couldn't help but recall how upset Johnny had been over Lance since she told him exactly what happened. How his happy demeanor shifted upon mentioning Lance cheating after all their years together; many times he put her down and kept her pushed to the background when singing together. Recalled the slight snarl Johnny spoke with when referring to him since - telling her how she deserved better and how Lance was a 'bloody wanker' for treating her that way. It was the closest she'd ever witnessed Johnny being actually angry…and it was rather flattering that it was over her.

"No." she answered, running a paw over his cheek absentmindedly as if to reassure him, "He's just annoying the hell out of me lately. Texting and calling constantly and since I don't answer my phone, he decided to mosey on over and stand outside my front door all night and irritate the hell out of me. Overall, being a gigantic dip-wad who doesn't take 'no' for an answer; but, another benefit of you moving in is he'll take one look at you and most likely piss himself." Ash chuckled lightly; face heating when she caught herself looking down his muscular chest and broad shoulders.

Johnny's cheeks were tinted red as well but he took it in stride; looking at her as if he wasn't completely convinced of this situation but yet her smile didn't falter.

"Ya want me to rough the ol' wanker up a bit?" he asked jokingly and Ash couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. Here was perhaps the most gentle being on the planet joking about kicking her ex-boyfriend's ass for bothering her, and damn, it kinda sounded amazing even if it was said in a joking manner.

"Hell, if you can make it so he doesn't come over again, I'll be the one paying you to stay over." she teased back, bopping him lightly on the chin and he smiled with all his teeth (even if it couldn't feel good for his lip, he didn't seem to care). Flashing those white canines that had her stomach churning slightly in her nervous gut.

"I'm not making any promises." he brushed his chin against her fingers and she nervously pulled them back to rest on his chest. Wondering to herself how a night that started with such blatant horror and anxiety was now ending with teasing…and perhaps mild flirting caused by their tiredness, Johnny's blood loss, or something entirely genuine - she couldn't tell you exactly. Most of her dared not confront any of that - especially now of all times. Now that he was safe and secure, there was plenty more time to consider all of that later…but not now.

"Dammit," she muttered, smile plastered on her face as she stared down at him; biting her lip and not holding back the small chuckles that escaped.

The moment faded and Johnny, while seemingly convinced of the plan, held a hint of uncertainty in the purse of his lips and distance in his eyes. Ash admitted there was still many hurtles before things would ultimately come together. None of the things they planned would happen overnight or even in a few weeks time if she was at all honest with herself, but she was certain they'd get there in time.

"Ash, I -" Johnny began to speak when she yet again put her small hand over his lips. The surprise was obvious in his face but she just shook her head at him wanting to continue with the thought.

"No more tonight, Johnny." Ash sighed while removing her fingers. Ignoring the baser instincts to keep her distance, leaned down a bit to rest her cheek on his (un-swollen one of course).

Johnny flinched at the contact but didn't object; rather pushed into it, nuzzling her face lightly with his own and she tried not to read too much into it even as her heart pitter-pattered frantically against her ribcage. Ash's cheeks warmed at the intimate contact; surprised at herself how affectionate she was being with him and he with her.

More intimate than friends should be…but she supposed it didn't matter.

"…I'm fucking tired." she said as way of explanation now that she was still laying partially atop of him. As much as she wanted to stay up all night talking to him; it had been a long few days and this was the most comfortable she'd been in a long time.

So, she damn well was going to take full advantage of it.

"Oh…Right…Um, y-ya should get some rest and we can talk more about it tomorrow." Johnny uttered out and she felt her heart skip at the light blush that cascaded over his cheeks at her action. "Mr. Moon won't be here for a few more hours anyway." he continued almost as an afterthought and that made Ash smile into the fur of his neck.

"We should rest." Ash corrected.

A part of her told her to get off and lay on the other side of the couch. Even dig up some pillows and blankets to make her a place to rest on the floor - but the warmth and comfort of his body was much too tempting for her exhausted state. So, to both her and Johnny's surprise, Ash didn't pull away completely - merely scooted down his body a bit before fully laying next to him - squishing herself between his side and the back couch cushions.

Quilled head nestled on his broad chest (careful to avoid the bruising), the rest of her petite body curled snugly against his side with her shoulder brushing under his armpit and his arm nestled securely around her. He made no move to avoid her quills and didn't seem at all bothered of how they rested smoothed against his arm. Ash avoided his questioning stare and flushed cheeks as she tried and control the rush of blood infiltrating hers at her forward action.

Yet, she made no move to adjust from her spot and Johnny seemed content with his as well.

Johnny and Ash both lay there for a long time not knowing what to say or do and Ash, surprised at her actions, found she didn't care. Simply closed her eyes and relaxed into his body; strong heartbeat thumping against her ear and knew it definitely was the most beautiful sound she ever heard. Strong, steady, and the rising and falling of his breaths caused her nothing but relief. A night that could have turned into the worst scenario ever ended with her falling asleep on his chest. A night that would be remembered as one where she lost her best friend forever was now one where it would be a shift in which they became closer than ever.

The comfort of it all had her relaxing into a near serene state…

"Ash?" until Johnny's timid voice broke the silence.

"...Yeah?" she asked sleepily.

"I jus'…wanted ta say thanks - for everything," it was merely a whisper; voice heavy with exhaustion but he made sure to say it.

Ash was tempted to lift her head, to tell him it was nothing and she wished she'd done more, but decided against it. Merely scraped the tips of her fingers over his bare chest; warm, thick skin ruffling the fine fur covering her hand. She felt the shiver it caused him and she smiled, nuzzling the side of her head on his chest before feeling it necessary to reply.

"Yeah...no problem," she decided upon - no more really needed to be said (even if a lot went unspoken) but it appeared Johnny was satisfied with it all the same.

"...G'nite, Ash." he said a breath later.

"Night." she replied, eyes never opening but she knew he was smiling when he said it.

Soon enough, his body grew lax, breaths deeper and more even in sleep and she knew she'd be following him into sweet slumber soon.

In those quiet moments between her thoughts and the unconsciousness of upcoming sleep, she thought about tonight's events and those soon to be transpiring after. Sure, not all of their problems would be solved overnight, but what could have been an absolute disaster turned into something else…

A beautiful disaster she supposed because when tonight started, she had dreaded home - the mere idea of confronting the problems at her apartment making her stomach churn. Hating the idea of going there and whatever tomorrow had in store; another night of sleep lost because of Lance's hellbent (and annoying) persistence and the writer's block plaguing her creatively were problems of absolute insignificance when confronted with the very real possibility of Johnny almost losing his life tonight.

Confronting a life without him far worse than anything else so her little problems felt like whispers in a hurricane.

Yet, that didn't happen.

Johnny was here - alive, breathing, perhaps battered and bruised, but would be healed soon enough - and sooner still, he'd be living with her. The reality of that still sinking in but instead of nervousness filling her chest - it was excitement. Ash didn't need to dread Lance or fear whatever small inconvenience life held - she needed to simply enjoy this crazy life of hers and dammit, she was going to. As she settled into Johnny's side, she loosely embraced him - his warm skin and fur lulling her to the waiting arms of slumber.

With that final thought and with the soothing sound of Johnny's heartbeat and breath filling her ears, she fell asleep - ready to confront whatever tomorrow has in store for both of them.

                                                The End

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “The Promise” Part 1

The Joker never saw it coming; he left his guard down for a moment and it all went to pieces. Nothing to hold on to now except his son and the memory of you. But maybe there is something else that won’t let him go either…

Read Part 2 here: http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/164128124236/the-joker-x-reader-the-promise-part-2

“Would you like me to tell you where her body is?” the voice taunts as soon as The Joker answers his cell.

“You…you son of a bitch!! I’m gonna kill you!!” he gulps, his hand shaking on the phone.

“I don’t care, I had my revenge; that’s all I wanted. You took someone I loved away from me and it’s only fair I returned the favor,” the man replies. “Do you even care? Does it hurt you?… Does anything ever hurt you?”

“Shut the hell up!! Where is she?” J closes his eyes, panting.

“The new construction site on Nesley Avenue. Fourth floor. I left her eyes open: you’ll have the privilege of closing them forever. Be grateful: I wasn’t allowed the luxury of doing the same for my woman. I’m here too, waiting. Do your worst, I won’t stop you. I have nothing to live for now.”

The man hangs up and The Joker sits in the middle of the living room, still holding the cell to his ear. He can’t move, he can’t think. For the first time in his life he’s terrified – The King of Gotham knows his Queen is gone.

**************

The heavy steps resonate on the concrete hallway, the plastic curtains being moved aside as J is getting closer to his destination. He feels dizzy while squeezing the gun in his hand, petrified at the thought of what he knows he will certainly find in the building. Another plastic curtain gets moves out the way and The Joker freezes when he notices your body on the floor, only a few feet away.

He takes a deep breath, already incapable of keeping at bay the terrible pain scratching at his heart.

“Jesus…” he mutters to himself, slowly approaching. He sees your handcuffed wrists and ankles, the glossy eyes blankly staring at the ceiling. You seem so peaceful he hopes for a second you’re not dead. A fool’s hope; J knows it himself. He kneels by you, analyzing every single detail of your body, sniffling when he realizes you still have the ring. And The Joker is aware there’s someone behind him.

“I think you had a pretty woman, Clown. More than you deserved, that’s for sure,” the man softly laughs.

The Price of Crime growls, every single fiber in his body tense to the maximum.

“At least I didn’t take it on your kid, I’m not that low. I have to say it gave me great pleasure to do this to her. Revenge is always swee…”

The first gunshot hits the man’s chest. Then another one and another one echo in the stillness. J gets up, turns around and continues to aim at the collapsed man until there are no more bullets. His pupils are dilated, taken aback by today’s events.

The Joker can’t bring himself to gaze upon you again. He glares at your killer, numbness taking over. What is he supposed to do now?

**************

J wasn’t used to people smiling or look him in the eyes, especially not when they first met him. But you did just that. The other guys at the gathering tried to get your attention, asking a million questions and offering a great deal of money for your hacking services yet you caught yourself interested in the strange, green haired self-proclaimed King of Gotham.

You continued smiling and looking at him throughout the night; J found it annoying that he actually chuckled at one of your jokes. His fingers tightened on the cane numerous times, fighting with himself while checking you out. He didn’t want to but for some bizarre reason couldn’t help it.

The Joker remained stern, frowning for the rest of the evening, totally hating the fact that you stopped in front of him to say goodbye. You were the last one to leave the VIP room and you reached your hand for his, unaware he never shakes hands. Frost was behind his boss, getting ready to tell you how things work when the unthinkable happened: Mister J took your palm into his for just a second, snarling as you told him you’ll have the passwords he wanted first thing in the morning.

“Yeah, whatever. That works,” he bitterly replied, preoccupied by what was going on in the club.

He kept on needing your services and you kept on providing them. He even let you touch him when he came back from a heist with an ugly cut on his shoulder. Frost almost started his speech about how his boss doesn’t like to be touched when J willingly gave you his arm to be patched up. You sent Jonny for more supplies and carefully cleaned the wound in the meantime, gently blowing on top of it.

“Better?” you asked, soothing the pain and he bit on his cheek.

“Yeah.”

That’s all he said. Then you smiled. Why did you have to smile like that? Made him feel so odd. And you kept on looking at him, unable to resist those blue eyes. J didn’t see it coming when you leaned over and kissed him, quickly parting from his lips when you heard Frost outside the office. You weren’t sure what he was going to do.

The Joker didn’t do anything, pretending nothing happened. You couldn’t sleep all night, thinking about him and trying to get the stupid crush out of your mind. 

– It was almost dawn when you managed to doze off and the doorbell made you jump. You rubbed your eyes, tired as hell and barely made it to the door, ready to yell at the person that woke you up so early. As soon as you opened the door, J sneaked inside without a word. He stood in front of you, pointing towards his injury.

“Do you…need clean bandages?” you guessed, suddenly alert.

“U-hum,” he grumbled and after closing the door, you signaled him to follow you in the kitchen. You changed the dressing in perfect silence, then handed back his jacket and watched him head towards one of the bedrooms downstairs.

You followed him, curious about his behavior.

He stopped in front of the bed, waiting.

“Would you like to stay?” the question came and his answer made you happy.

“Yeah.”

*************

– You had so many fights and you would just disappear. The Joker always brought you back. The truth is you didn’t make it hard to be found. He knew it too.

“Let’s go,” J would urge, irritated he had to step on his pride again in order to go out there and search for the pain in the ass he couldn’t live without.

“I’m leaving you,” you had the nerve to reply sometimes. “I’m not coming back.”

“Interesting concept, Y/N,” and you stared at each other, you upset and him mad. As soon as you started to cry, he would grab your hand, dragging you after him. You didn’t fight it.

“O-one of these days I w-won’t come b-back,” you stuttered, bawling and wishing you were that strong.

“Save it for later, Doll. You will always come back.”

– Besides the fights, there were also good moments; you enjoyed them so much. Those instances made you remember why you loved him and why it was impossible to break free.

You two liked to stay in bed for hours, talking about stuff. All alone in the Penthouse and still covered your heads with the sheets, whispering. The Joker was addicted to the intimacy of your little world, secrets and thoughts no one knew about.

“If you leave, promise you’ll always come back,” he once found the strength to actually say it out loud.

“I can’t prom…” and the blue eyes got darker. “Fine, I promise,” you gave in and he tucked your hair behind your ear, pleased to hear it. Afterwards, he dug under his pillow and showed you that beautiful diamond ring he wanted you to have.

“Look what I found in the seif last night! Stealing from the mayor was the best idea ever; the guy is loaded.”

“Wowww, no kidding,” you gasped, amazed. You’ve seen a lot of diamond rings in your life but that was so unique and beautiful.

“I’ll give it to you for safe keeping, OK? I don’t trust all these assholes working for us,” The Joker sighted, slipping the jewel on your finger. He saw the emotions and had to mention:

“It’s not what you think, you crazy woman. I told you I just want you to take care of it, got it?”

“Yes,” you nodded, choosing to believe otherwise.

“You can keep it with one condition: promise you’ll never take it off,” The Joker surprised himself with the demand.

“I swear,” you were quick to vow, hugging him so tight he had to emerge from under the sheets to breathe better.

“I told you it’s not what you think, I wanna make it clear,” and you smiled through tears and he couldn’t say anything anymore.

Why did you have to smile like that?

– After your son was born, he became a regular member of your little club.

All three under the sheets, careful not to wake Kase up.

“You think we should keep him?” J used to tease, not being able to take his eyes off his baby boy.

“I think he’s a keeper,” you giggled, caressing the tiny tummy. “He will either look like you or like his real dad,” and you had to cover your mouth so you won’t laugh to loud.

“Cut it out!” J would reach over to slap your waist, grinding his silver teeth. ”Or do you hate me that much?”

You used to trap his hand until he calmed down.

“I don’t hate you,” and you got on your elbow and scooted closer to his body. “You gave me my son so I can’t hate you now.”  The statement made The Joker’s heart beat faster and he ignore it. The most he allowed himself to do was purr under your touch until he fell asleep.

– When things were bad, you would take Kase and try to leave. J would stop you before you made it to the elevator.

“Going anywhere?”

You were so exhausted from being a new mom plus dealing with your rocky relationship.

“I need to get out of here,” you tried to flee but he blocked your way.

“Then go, but my son stays!”

“I am not leaving without my baby,” you kept on attempting to walk towards the elevator and got frustrated when your plan failed.

“Then you stay too,” he would mumble, pinning you against the wall. “What is it? Can’t handle me anymore?” he used to mock, distressed.

Kase would fuss, not happy with the commotion.

“Gimme,” The Joker would take him in his arms, gesturing for your company. “Let’s go back to bed, I’m tired. Hey, where’s my smile, hm?” and you sulked even more. “ So I take it you only save that for his dad? Who’s the other guy?”

You would pass your fingers through your long hair, trying not to give him the satisfaction but finally smiled and he loved to win. But somehow it felt he was losing.

Why did you have to smile like that?

**************

He hears the little steps thumping on the hardwood floor and gets out of daze, lifting his head up to look at his 5 year old son holding his stuffed giraffe.

“Daddy, why are you crying?” Kase asks, frightened and his father signs for him to approach. The Joker is sitting on the floor and the little boy rushes in his arms, starting to sob, not understanding what’s going on.

“Your mom…” and his voice breaks, “…left me and she’s not coming back…Not this time…You’re stuck with me, kid.”

“Where’s mommy? I want my mommy,” the child keeps on repeating, sensing there is something wrong.

“She left…It’s just you and me now,” J mumbles, crushing his son with his embrace.

************

He said he stole that ring from the mayor’s mansion. The King of Gotham actually had it custom made for you and never told you. It always had just one owner: his Queen. Before he buried you, J took three diamonds out of your ring, one for each member of his family, and had them encased in his favorite ring. It’s the only jewelry he wears now. And the ring he gifted you was the only treasure in your coffin since you promised you’ll never take it off.

– “Hey, handsome.”

He feels the kiss on his cheek and opens his eyes as he mutters:

“Hey pretty girl.”

Another dream; he’s all alone in bed, groggy from the sleep medicine. J sighs, then shifts his head to peek at Kase who’s playing on the floor with a bunch of toys, not realizing his father is awake. The Joker gets under the covers, eager to share his thoughts but there is no one besides him. No one to tell.

“Kid, com’ere,” he makes a gap for his son to crawl in. The boy snickers and jumps in bed, glad he’s getting some attention. “Do you have any secrets to share with your dad?” J pecks his forehead, gazing in his son’s eyes.

“Ummm…I broke my truck,” he admits, familiar with the game he played so many times with his parents.

“Shame on you,” J scolds but caresses Kase’s face. “I’ll get you 10 more, ok?”

Ah, that smile. Just like yours.

“Ok, daddy,” and the child suddenly cuddles to J’s chest, wiggling. “Mommy says she loves you.”

The Prince of Crime gently spanks his kid, admonishing.

“I told you to quit talking like this! Don’t you listen?! Uhhhhh,” he growls, exasperated. The little boy keeps on saying random things like this since you died three months ago.

“But she gets mad at me if I don’t tell you,” and his lower lip quivers, on the verge of crying. “I don’t want mommy to be upset with me.”

“You’re such a brat! Stop tormenting me,” J squishes his son to his chest, not wanting to lose his temper.

“Mommy says that…”

“Shut up, would you??!!” he snaps and Kase is one step away from bawling.

“Mommy says that…”

“You’re pissing me off, what’s wrong with you??!!”  J cuts him off, really straining to keep it together.

“Mommy says she knows you made the ring for her!” his son blurs out and The Joker holds his breath, confused and stunned at the same time.

“W-what?” He’s finally at a loss of words.

Nobody knows about that.

Kase starts wailing and his father wants to calm him down.

“M-mommy says she doesn’t like it w-when you y-yell at me,” he whimpers, clenching to J’s t-shirt.

For once, the great Joker has no reply.

– Terrible storm outside; Gotham is on lockdown. Must be 2am or so.

“Daddy… daddy, I’m scared,” his son pulls on his arm, eager to get a reaction. J is such a heavy sleeper now since he takes sleeping pills all the time. Otherwise, he can’t rest.

“Go back to your room, it’s fine,” he grumbles, not in the mood for parenting.

The little one sniffles, really wanting to stay with his father.

“I want my mooommyyyyy,” and the crying immediately starts. The Joker blows his green hair off his face, irritated and moves towards the center of the bed, helping his son up. The little arms wrap around his neck and the small body shakes with anxiety.

“Daddddyyy, I’m scared.”

“Don’t be scared, I’m here,” J choses to take it down a notch and hugs his son back. It feels so comforting that Kase stops crying after a few minutes.

“Mommy says she loves you,” the muffled voice at his chest lets him know. “She always says that.”

“Cut it out, kid…”

“Huh?” his son turns his head to look behind him, just as he was listening to someone talking.

J pouts, forcing Kase’s head back to his chest.

“Stop your nonsense, brat!”

“Mommy says she promised you she’ll always come back.”

The Joker covers his mouth.

“SHUT …THE HELL UP!!!!!!” he screams so loud it resonates over the sound of thunder from the crazy tempest outside.

His 5 year old utters with teary eyes:

“Mommy says she doesn’t like it when you yell at me; she loves you less… But she can’t hate you.”

The King of Gotham bites on his lower lip, intrigued.

Nobody knows about that.

“Go to sleep and stop talking…” he remorsefully strokes his son’s cheek, not wanting to think about it. “Hey, would you give Daddy a smile?” he alleviates the tension, aware the poor kid has no fault in anything. “Let’s be friends again, yes?” The lighting illuminates the bedroom as The Joker lifts his son’s chin up and a shy smile flourishes on the child’s face.

Why does he have to smile like that?

Also read: MASTERLIST

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

[cheekbites-moved]

ok so i watched love simon for the first time last night & i was too tired to make a ‘final thoughts’ post then, so here it is now! lol

obviously this is gonna be long as hell so im putting it under a read more for ur convenience lmfao

im actually gonna start with what i didnt like bc it was just one thing.

obviously, if uve seen the movie (as many ppl hated this too), or read my liveblogging posts, u know what it is lol 

ill be honest, as a gay person, im incredibly biased towards simon. ill admit that. that being said, how his friends treated him after he got outed was fucking disgusting.

here’s the thing: the actions simon did that his friends got upset over were motivated by the threat of him being outed. now, if this movie was just some fluffy, fantastical movie, the threat would just be ppl knowing he’s gay and that’s it. no repercussions, just ppl gaining the knowledge that he’s not straight. not that big a deal.

however, since this movie tries its best to be accurate and realistic to things, it’s not that simple in the movie, and it’s not the simple in real life.

the risk of being outed is not just ‘ppl knowing ur gay’ and that’s it.

the risk of being outed involves the risk of getting bullied (which does happen in the movie, twice. once to ethan on screen, once to simon after he comes out.), getting abandoned by ur friends (which also does happen in the movie), getting expelled from school or fired from ur job if either of them find out & are lgbtphobic, getting kicked out of ur house if ur parents/whoever u live w find out & theyre lgbtphobic, and, at worst, it can come with the risk of getting beaten or even killed.

and no, this isnt me blowing this up to be more serious than it should be. bc unfortunately, in the world we live in, these things can happen as a result of someone being lgbt, whether they came out themselves or were outed by someone else. 

the worst thing simon did was hurt his friends’ feelings a bit. 

he didnt notice leah’s feelings for him (which. why would he? he’s not interested in her, or any girl for that matter, so obviously he’s not looking for the signs of interest. why would he notice that, and why was it his responsibility to know anyway??). he tried to set nick up with her because he genuinely thought she had feelings for nick, and that’s the main reason why he didn’t realize that she liked him.

yes, part of the motive was trying to get nick out the way so he could set abby up with martin, but ffs. let me reiterate that his life, and potential future, were on the line. having the possibility of all the aforementioned things potentially happening to him should make his actions at least understandable.

like falling for someone that doesnt like u back bc theyre not attracted to ur gender (which like.. hello. gay ppl fucking experience that shit all the time too & we have to learn to deal w it.), or being put in a game of matchmaker bc ur friend was trying to save their own fucking life is rly not that big a deal compared to said friend’s situation of trying to save their own fucking life. 

one situation hurts, but can eventually be healed from (which clearly they do in the movie since abby and nick got together anyway in spite of simon’s actions, and leah’s fine). the other situation has the chance of resulting in a fucking future/life being ruined or taken. i think that one is much more fucking important.

all in all, i just wish they wouldve fucking apologized. bc they screamed at him after he got outed. 

abby saw how fucking terrified he was when he came out to her, but she’s not gonna have a single ounce of sympathy when he was outed to the entire school against his will?? like what the fuck! 

also wish they wouldve stood up for him when he got bullied. they just sat there with guilty expressions, but none of them did anything. it was really rough to watch.

as much as all this seriously pissed me off, though, especially as a person who has been outed against my will so all of simon’s heartache as a result rly resonated with me.. 

i appreciate that they put that shit in. 

bc u know what unfortunately that is how cishet ppl react sometimes. guilting u for being lgbt, guilting u for not coming out to them despite knowing how scary it can be, etc etc etc. 

and getting apologizes from cishet ppl for that kinda shit is rare. so, as much as i was annoyed that they didnt apologize, that is unfortunately realistic. as much as i wish they wouldve stood up for him, that was also unfortunately realistic. so im still glad it’s in there even if it did piss me off. 

simon’s speech to martin was nice at least, and i hope that it taught some cishet ppl that have outed ppl, or threatened to out ppl, or wanted to out ppl, why u just dont fucking do that shit.

woo now that that’s outta my system lmfao onto all the good stuff! in bullet list form bc theres a l o t lmfao

the soundtrack ESP for the emotional moments wOw

‘i wanna dance with somebody’ gay musical addition

simon’s subtle annoyed looks whenever straight nonsense™  happens

simon’s terrible attempts at being straight

simon’s extremely subtle, but still noticeable if ur lgbt, panic whenever the potential chance of him being outed/discovered arises 

the dog

simon’s parents’ speeches to him after he comes out to them

seriously as gay, nb person w lgbtphobic parents that shit meant a lot to hear. 

the fact that this is not only a mainstream lgbt rom-com, but also a mainstream movie abt a gay kid learning to love himself and be confident with himself and his sexuality

simon’s journey to being able to proudly proclaim that he’s gay.

the speech he has near the end is so fucking powerful bc we see him struggle throughout the movie to say it. 

first he cant say it at all, then he can only say it quietly, but by the end of the movie, he’s proclaiming to the entire school, loud and proud, that yes. he is gay. and he’s not going to feel wrong for that anymore. 

i feel like that entire journey is one that can really resonate with a lot of ppl, including myself. so im so fucking happy that this movie included that progression, and ended it with him having such an exuberant amount of confidence. it was honestly really beautiful, and im glad i got to witness it.

simon practicing pickup lines in the mirror

“hey barack its me jacques”

abby trying to teach simon how to flirt

simon googling “how to dress like a gay guy”

simon not having martin’s bullshit and telling him off for how fucked up blackmailing him was from the start, but especially his speech about how important/personal coming out is to ppl and how shitty it was that he took that away from him

MRS ALBRIGHT IN GENERAL BUT ESPECIALLY HER ICONICALLY STICKING UP FOR SIMON IN THE CAFETERIA I STAN HER SO HARD!!

ethan in general, but especially his speech to simon in the office, and super especially the line “one gay’s a snnooze, two’s a hilarious hate crime”

like i seriously appreciate how real this movie is. and it doesnt have lines like this, or plots like the blackmailing/outing just for drama. 

it’s to show that this is how being lgbt can be sometimes, this shit rly happens. and i just rly appreciated seeing all that in a way that didnt even try to pull any punches. it was so clear they seriously cared abt making this an accurate movie, and that meant a lot

GETTING TO SEE TWO BOYS KISSING ON SCREEN MULTIPLE TIMES, AND NOT JUST THAT, BUT GETTING TO SEE THEM GET A HAPPY ENDING!!!!! 

i seriously cried for like 20 minutes starting from when bram showed up at the ferris wheel to well after the credits had ended. 

i cannot even begin to express how fucking incredible it was to get to see two boys kissing, getting cheered on, and getting to be happy.

especially in the scene where simon picks up everyone, and leah moves so bram can get in the front seat and he kisses simon when he gets in. IT WAS SO SWEET.. AND BEAUTIFUL I LOVED/APPRECIATED IT SO MUCH IT MEANT SOOOO FUCKING MUCH TO ME GOSH

my thoughts of the movie can be boiled down to this: im so fucking happy this movie exists. 

im so fucking happy that a movie abt a gay kid learning to be confident in his sexuality, falling in love and getting to have a happy ending with his boyfriend exists.

ive never cried more at a movie than i did at this movie, and ive especially never cried harder out of sheer happiness for a movie. 

knowing that this movie was in theaters, and that gay kids/teens have a movie that lets them know early on that not only is gonna be ok, but they do have a chance at a happy ending, and they deserve it, was so goddamn amazing.

this movie is so, so important. and im so happy that it, and the book its based off of, exist. 

and it’s a prime example of why representation matters so much. it was so fucking amazing to see myself, as a gay person, represented so well, so thoughtfully, so respectfully. 

i just... i love this movie so much. and im so glad it exists. and im so happy i finally got to see it.

i hope it inspires more movies/stories like it to be made. 

i hope that it results in lgbt stories being happy, uplifting stories. 

i hope that it results in lgbt characters getting to be the main characters. 

i hope it results in coming out stories being about the lgbt characters, and not how them coming out affects the cishet characters around them. 

and i hope it results in less tragic endings for lgbt characters, and more happy endings for lgbt characters.

for a long time, a future where we get the stories just mentioned has seemed bleak. but this movie changed that. and im excited for the road i hope it’s started us on.

[brandonbrandoff]

Lyn/Brandon support (C-B-A-S)

SUPPORT C : The Beauty and the Beast

Brandon :  Hey Lyn wanna do some training with me ? Maybe it’ll be more profitable if we do it together. *winks at her and plays with a sword* Lyn : Training with you? Hmm, I don’t see why not. Let me fetch my sword first. Brandon :  Alright. Tell me when you’re ready miss. [fade in // fade out] Brandon : *wipes sweat*  I think we’re good for today. Thanks for accepting to train with me. I hope I wasn’t too rough ..? Lyn : No, not at all. Thank you for inviting me, that was a good training session. Lyn : But I have to say, you’re good in using swords, Brandon. I’m actually quite surprised. Brandon : Oh this ? *looks at his sword* I used to be a mercenary before meeting lord Xander. Looking at your clothes brings a lot of memories. Brandon : I changed classes so many times… I was always craving for learning new skills. Lyn : … I see. I didn’t know that. But what makes you choose to become wyvern rider in the end? Brandon :  Lottie was so cute !! Also her wings was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen ..! She’s deadly fast too. Man, I should take you for a fly, I promise it really worths it ! You’re not afraid of height aren’t you ? Lyn : No, I’m not, but for some reason I’m a bit wary of your suggestion to take me flying… Lyn : Like somehow I got a feeling that you’re going to show off with your flying skills and it’s going to be extremely dangerous… Brandon : Showing off ?! Me ?! Brandon :  I’m extremely modest. The humblest man of the world. I’m also one of the best wyvern riders around so have no fears ! Lyn : Modest and humblest man, huh? *sigh* Forget that I said anything. Lyn : But I suppose I could admit that you’re indeed one of the strongest wyvern riders in the army… Brandon : Awww I am not dreaming ?! You’re giving me compliments ?! Brandon : But indeed I am. I’m also honored you feel that way about me. (hohoho) Brandon : Soooo~ for the wyvern ride ? Still not convinced ? I promise it’ll be magical. Lyn : *sigh* Just give me some time to think about it. I’m still not completely sure… Brandon : It’s okay Lyn I won’t force you. Just come and ask me if you ever change your mind. Lyn : That’s… surprisingly considerate of you Lyn : I suppose it won’t hurt to consider your offer… Lyn : Alright, I’ll let you know when I’m ready. Brandon : *chuckles*  No problem. But just so you know… Brandon :  I will never let a beautiful woman like you get hurt in my presence. Brandon : *puts his sword in the barrel and leaves*  Bye Lyn. See you soon I hope. Lyn : Right… You too, I suppose.

SUPPORT B : Out of your mind

*metallic sounds* Villager : Arghhhhhh… *DUMP* Brandon : Hmm… It looks like I’ve killed the last rebel… Nohrian soldier :  Sir Brandon ! What do we do now ? There are children hiding on a house. Brandon : Huh ? Why are you asking me ? King Garon gave you an order didn’t he ? Nohrian soldier : Yes but… They’re really young. I-I doubt they are linked to rebels. Brandon : Then don’t annoy me with your questions. If you want to rebel against the king’s orders do it out of my sigh… or I’ll cut you in half too. *walks towards the house hiding the children* *The children are scared and hide in the back of the house* Brandon :  My my… That’s true that you’re all really young. Brandon : Since that is the way things are… *takes his axe and walks towards them* Lyn : Wait! Lyn : You can’t be serious. Are you really going to kill those children? Brandon :  Oh… It���s you Lyn. I’ll recognize your voice from thousand. Brandon :  I am serious. Iago is outside and he’ll be checking if the work is done right. Brandon : Morever I doubt a life would worth to be lived in their situation… Lyn : W-what do you mean by that…? Brandon : They saw their parents slaughtered by Nohrian soldiers and their houses burnt to the ground. They lost everything they hold dear. I won’t take the risk of having some new revengeful rebels killing my companions. *Kids are starting to cry* *turns towards them and keeps coming closer to them with a soft smile* Brandon :  …I promise it won’t hurt. *runs towards him and grabs his arm* Lyn : No, stop! Lyn : Please… don’t do this. Lyn : Dear gods, you’re really out of your mind to think that it’s going to be like that Brandon :  …! Brandon :  The one being out of your mind Lyn is you. Do you want to sacrifice yourself for these children ? Lyn : If it means you’re going to spare them, then yes. I don’t care what you think, they don’t deserve this. I’d sooner die than letting them being killed over some absurd way of thinking. Brandon :  … How nice from you. May should I remind you that soldiers must obey without thinking… Then… Good bye Lyn. “ *raises his axe above her head* Brandon :  …………………………… You’re not going to move aren’t you ? Lyn : No. *remains still* Brandon : …………………….. Brandon : ….. *stops smiling and deeply sighs* You’re really annoying you know that ? *suddenly breaks the window* Brandon : I’ll be putting fire at the house after leaving. Wait 3-5 minutes and go out from that window. Iago won’t see you. Understood ? *Kids are nodding but look confused* Brandon : Lyn bring the kids to the nearest village. I’ll create a diversion. *goes out* *Brandon puts the fire to the house and leaves. Lyn could hear some sentences like “I’ll killed them all” “that was the last house” “Nothing to do here now”… * Lyn : *approaches the children* Shh, it’s okay now. We need to get out of here fast. It’s going to be alright, I promise. *takes the children out of the house*

SUPPORT A : Light and shadow

*one week later after getting home they meet at the training room* Brandon :  …….. Hey Lyn. Glad to see you back. I was starting to think that someone saw you and you got executed. Lyn : ……… Lyn : … Why did you do it? Why did you suddenly change your mind…? Brandon :  … Heh. Straight to the point. Can we just forget this instead ?.. Thanks to you I got a new scar on my stomach and I can’t even properly sleep without thinking about these children telling the truth to someone someday… and both of us ending up executed. Lyn : No, tell me. I need to know why. Lyn : You have no whims on killing those children, so killing me shouldn’t be much different either. Lyn : … But then why did you change your mind? Brandon : … You won’t find any good answers. Brandon : Let’s just say… I liked how shiny your eyes were. I can’t say no to  a beautiful woman begging me to save children and putting her life on the the line. Brandon :  We got very lucky you know ? Honestly I didn’t think my plan would work out. Lyn : *deathly glare* Brandon :  Pfffff hahahaha ! Way to turn my on with these beautiful eyes of yours !! I’ll tell you when I’ll know it myself… Okay ? Brandon :  Maybe… And I say maybe… You looked like a mother who wanted to protect her children. Brandon : For some reasons I can’t bear that kind of scene it makes me lost any will but… I’m currently working on it. You better find something else than your pretty shiny eyes next time. *his face darkens* Lyn : … Wait, I don’t understand. You said I looked like a mother who wanted to protect her children… and you can’t stand it…? Lyn : … Why…? Brandon : *waits a little moment before speaking* … My mother abandoned me… So… When I saw you willingly standing for these children I… *realizes he’s talking too much* Tch ! W-What are you doing to me witch ?! *starts to leave* Lyn : W-wait! Don’t go, please! Brandon : ……….. Lyn : … I’m sorry… Brandon : Ah forget about that… Tell me Lyn, are your parents still alive ? Lyn : My parents? Yes, they are… Brandon :  Are you still in good terms with them ? Lyn : … N-no, not really… We… we don’t speak as much nowadays… Brandon :  You don’t ? Lyn : *sigh* It’s a really long and complicated story… They… they didn’t approve when I decided to join the mercenary…I tried to explain that I’m doing this for them, but they… they just don’t understand it, I suppose. We hardly spoke to one another ever since then…But I’m still trying my best to do what’s right, even if they don’t understand it… After all, they’re still my parents… Nothing would really change that. Brandon : … Nothing would change huh ? …I guess you’re right. Well I was glad to be able to talk with you today Lyn. It’s getting late though so I’ll be off now. Good bye, beautiful~. Lyn : So you’re not going to tell me why you suddenly got interested in my parents?… Alright then… Brandon : Hehehe damn I just wanted to change the subject and talk about you ~ why so suspicious my dear Lyn ~  Though I’ll be curious to meet them. I’ll tell them how lucky they have to have a daughter like you. Lyn : … Lucky huh…? *sighs and mumbling to self* “… I honestly doubt that… Brandon :  You still consider them as your parents despite it all, don’t you ? Brandon :  If it’s not the definition of ‘being a family’ I don’t know what it is. Lyn : Yes, I do. I still do… That’s why I’ll just have to work harder…Maybe one day I can finally make them proud of me… Brandon :  I’m crossing fingers for you. You’ll be fine Lyn.

SUPPORT S : Hope

Brandon : So ? How was it ? Do you feel good now ?~ Lyn : Oh yes. Thank you so much for this. At first I thought it’s going to be terrifying, but it was quite fun actually. Brandon : Heh, I told you~ I was sure you’ll enjoy it. Lyn: Well, either way, thank you again for this. I’d love to do it again sometimes *gives a sweet smile* Brandon : All my pleasure … But your hair’s in a total mess though. *laughs and helps her to do her hair * Brandon : It was your first time am I right ? Brandon : I tried to make it as gentle as possible… Brandon : … But I do regret it a bit hohoho~ Lyn: O-oh, thank you for fixing my hair… Lyn: … But what did you mean by you regret it a bit? Brandon : … Well at some point you were all flustered and you started to cling to me haha~ But I don’t mind. I’d love getting more tight hugs from you~ Lyn: *sigh* … you’re really hopeless, you know that? Lyn: Even so… I suppose I do enjoy spending today with you Lyn: And you seem… happy about it too. I must admit it’s quite unusual to see you so happy like that Brandon : H-Huh ? Brandon : I do ?… Hmm. *seems thoughtful* Brandon : … Say Lyn. Brandon : While we were doing that wyvern ride I thought about something… Brandon : Do you think you can help me ? Lyn: Hm? O-of course, certainly Lyn: What can I help you with? Brandon :  Hooo. I like how quick you were to answer~ Brandon : Well you see… I think about that last time you saved the children. That kindness of yours… gave me hope. Brandon : I have little faith in people. I’ve learned to live without it but sometimes… Maybe that loneliness is killing me. Or already killed me inside. I don’t know. Brandon : But the fact is that I do feel good by your side. So… Brandon : …Maybe should I stay with you forever ? *grins* Lyn: !!!?? Lyn: W-wait, hold on for a moment… Lyn:… what do you mean by that exactly…? Brandon : ! Er… *embarrassed* Brandon : I-I guess you can forget what I just said. Sorry, don’t make that face~ *chuckles* It was a joke ! Brandon : ………… Wait no it wasn’t !! Brandon : *sigh* Listen Lyn… I know I probably don’t deserve you but… *takes her hand and softly put her a ring* Brandon : Do you think you could wear it for me ? Lyn: …… Lyn:… are you really sure about this…? Lyn: I-I mean… I’m not pretty like other girls… the one that could catch your attention easily… Lyn: And I… I’m nowhere as interesting as them… All I ever do is training and working myself out every single day… Lyn: Or… was this some kind of joke…? Brandon : *was tensed but suddenly feels relieved* Pfffahahahaha !! Aahhh I see you’re not going to make things easy dear Lovelyn~ Brandon : No big deal. I like that part of you~ Brandon : I love you Lyn. You don’t know how much beautiful you are. Not only outside but also inside. Lyn: …do you really mean that? Lyn: Everything you said… do you truly mean it or was it just to make me feel better? Lyn: I know I’m being ridiculous right now, but… you might regret saying something that you didn’t mean to say… Lyn: *looks away and whispers to herself* …and I don’t want to fill myself with false hope again… Brandon : Lyn. *takes her two hands and brings them closer to his mouth* Brandon : You made me yours. I’ll stick with you until the very end. Just like death itself. Brandon : *chuckles and gives a peck on her hands* Lyn: *sigh* I can’t believe you could still say things like that in times like this Lyn: But if you truly meant what you say, then… Lyn: … Then I will accept this smiles Brandon : Y-you do ?! Brandon : … For real ? Lyn: Hehe, yes, I do. Truth is, I was so happy when you gave it to me but… I got scared… Lyn: But I suppose I shouldn’t worry about it anymore… Now that you gave me your word… and I trust you Brandon : …Thank you Lyn. I really mean it. I never thought you would trust someone like me. Brandon : Now there’s something I’ve been dying to do for so long… Lyn: Hm? What’s that? Brandon : *kisses her and gently bites her lips* Brandon : Done~~ Brandon : *excited* Can I have more ?? Lyn: N-not in here! People are going to see us *gets flustered* Brandon : Honestly it wouldn’t bother me at all. *puts his arms around her* Gotta make them all jealous. Lyn: W-what? W-why would you want to make them jealous, this doesn’t make sense! *blushes harder* Brandon : Because. I gotta show to the world that you are mine. Brandon : *takes her hand and kisses her palm with a devilish look* Mine and only. Aaaaaahhhh finally this support is done !! I love these two so much, especially the fact that they’re so much different and complete each other TwT💕 Lyn is a pure cinammon roll who deserves to be protected to all costs !! Thank you Lovelyn @rlynsss for this awesome support !~

[gaykamukura]

2-10, 15-20, 26-29, 31-33, 37, 45-48, 51, 52, 59, 60, 63, 67-73, 81, 97, 99, 100

puttin under a read more cause it got long snksnksnskn

2. Favourite protagonist?

i’m gunna be real, i like playing as hajime a lot plus theres some moments where he’s being ridiculous and you’re powerless to stop it so you’re just there, face in your hands, losing your shit snickering.

3. Favourite antagonistic character?

points at my url gently...i know i’m an izuru kinnie but i think he has a lot of nuance espec cause he can fit an antagonist role while still being generally neutral on the havoc he wreaks

4. Favourite character?

i’m very bad at choosing but taka was my first fave and the first character i ever grew attached to that was ripped from me so i’m gonna say taka

5. Best girl?

hina, sakura, ibuki, peko, miu!!! i think my “type” is the girls who are either super stoic or super energetic pffft

6. Best boy?

i already talked abt taka earlier so kazuichi and leon are my beloved weenies

7. Favourite class trial from all the games?

the last class trial in the first game where you as makoto get to earn the title ultimate hope and the mastermind is finally revealed after the 20+ hours of grief and struggle you’ve just been put through and you get that satisfying ending of the mastermind paying for their crimes and everyone getting to go free is just...so good and so climactic i adore it

8. Least favourite character?

if i was in a room and my choices were to delete hifumi yamada from existence and die or survive while having hifumi yamada remain in this world i would choose to sacrifice myself

9. Least favourite class trial?

probably the second one in the first game, because it had all the things i was upset with. the way the genocide jack/jill and toko situation was handled was awful even with it taken in consideration that the game usually uses very trope-y characters, and the whooole thing with chihiro is uncomfortable for the entire trial, and then it all ends with an execution where if you think about it too much it makes your stomach whirl

10. What would be your Ultimate Title?

hmmm something like ultimate tarot card reader or ultimate divination/psychic maybe!!!

15. Your absolute OTP?

oh god i ship everything...i like komahina a lot though even tho i have another handful of ships for hajime

16. Your absolute BROTP?

fuyuhiko and nagito obviously

17. Do you have an OT3? Which one?

none that i can think of rn even tho i’m definitely open to a lot of them...i support gundham dating both sonia and kazuichi while sonia and kazuichi are best friends tho

18. Favourite rare ship?

i’m rly fond of fuyuhiko/nekomaru [hikomaru???] and kamuegi

19. Who do you think is an underrated character?

i feel like toko doesn’t get nearly enough love oh my gosh...i see her dismissed as an accessory to byakuya or “the girl w the serial killer” so often and it makes me so upset...also mukuro generally gets outright ignored even though there’s a lot to her

20.  Who do you think is an overrated character?

i feel like i see a lot of stuff for mikan everywhere??? but i...don’t like her that much. her personality kinda feels like the same thing all the time, under the despair disease she feels like junko 2 electric boogaloo or tsumugi the squeakquel, and her execution was underwhelming. and she also killed ibuki, the best gal :(

26. Favourite execution?

oh god definitely leon’s. the first execution of the first game and it goes hard as hell. it’s one of the few if only times you see red blood in the game, he goes out kicking and screaming in a way that you have to feel sorry for him. it’s an unbelievable way to start off the game and really encapsulates all of the wild ride danganronpa is gonna put you in for.

27. Least favourite execution?

as i said before, mikan’s was...underwhelming. as the ultimate nurse who spent her life being a doormat only to kill out of love, there’s an amazing amount of executions and ideas that would have been full of nuance and really interesting but instead she just gets blasted into fucking orbit

28. Favourite unused execution?

oh god i love byakuya’s unused execution because it’s one of those executions that focuses less on the character’s talent and more on the character’s fear. when you realize what byakuya’s future could have been, pretty much complete estrangement from the family and having to build up everything on his own with the fear of poverty constantly looming.

plus the fact that he fights because he could have condemned his half-siblings to that fate only for he, himself, to lose in a killing game and die thinking he was a disgrace is so painful. not to mention the execution itself is a slow and painful death.

it’s so brutal, so focused on breaking every fear and effort of the character, that i think it’s one of those executions that would come to mind whenever you wanted a picture definition for “despair”.

29. Which character should survived in your opinion?

leon kuwata should have lived...he was talented but he was still a normal-ish boy who couldve kept everyone at their wits in the killing game by reminding them what was waiting for them out there. lots of others but i’ve been thinking of baseball husband lately

31. Is there a character you think who shouldn’t have survived but did?

i love yasuhiro that weed smoking boy but he was too dumb to live

32. Least favourite protagonist?

uhhh hmmm i like all of them but kaede had the least screentime so she’s a protagonist where her personality isn’t 100% crystal-clear so. i GUESS

33. Character with the best clothing?

i want chiaki’s hoodie and backpack and LOOK more than i want to breathe oxygen. junko also has a fucking aesthetic

37. Favourite minor character? 

taichi fujisaki i guess??? programmer dad

45. Unpopular opinion?

i dunno what other people think of this because i haven’t heard anything about it, but the closing argument minigame was better in sdr1

46. Unpopular headcanon?

i think genocide jack/jill is nonbinary but i’ve never seen anybody else who has the same headcanon

47. A headcanon you have about a character?

one of my long-time headcanons is that makoto is trans...yeet

48. Favourite OST?

danganronpa 2 has bop after bop. miss monomi’s practice lesson? bop. all the execution themes? bops. ikoroshia and ekoroshia? bops. i am constantly jamming the fuck out in this game

51. Character you thought you were gonna dislike but loved in the end?

i thought i was always gonna hate hiyoko and yeah she does have flaws but i actually like her a lot more than i used to

52. Character you thought you would like but disliked in the end?

thought korekiyo was gonna be a cool dude who was a lil weird and emo but still fun. boy was i wrong. im stealing him from spiky chunky until they learn to stop it

59. Favourite moment?

again, the final trial in the first game is fucking amazing, but also the final trial in the second game with hajime and chiaki plus all the izuru stuff and all the messages there r just. good as hell aaah

60. Saddest moment?

all of chapter 2 in sdr2 was painful. mahiru, who was a force of good, dies, the trial is difficult, the twilight syndrome murder case is terrifying, hiyoko is mourning and you have to spit it right back in her face for awhile that she’s the prime suspect...

and then the only reward you get for finding the real killer is feeling guilty as the tears run and then your final reward is getting to watch as one of your friends dies while the other gets mortally injured and barely survives and then only a bit of gametime later attempts suicide in front of you. it is blow after blow w/o breaks

63. Describe Kyoko Kirigiri in 3 words! 

lovely detective lady

67. Which character would you never want to meet in real life?

hifumi because i would be wearing an anime tshirt cause im a fucking weeb and then he’d be an incel while i suffered just trying to buy a lifetime supply of panda candy from hot topic

68. Which character would you like to meet in real life?

kazuichi cause he seems p chill and like the type of person you could just hang out with or have a chat with casually and not have to worry about first impressions and stuff like that

69. Choose one character which you would take with you on a trip.

70. Character you would have a sleepover with?

chiaki because we’re both super sleepy but we could also play a bunch of games together and then pass out together with a bunch of snacks

71. Character you can relate to?

sorry to be kinnie on main but izuru, i relate to that feeling of always excelling at everything you do and as a result being constantly bored, so whether what happens is good or bad doesn’t matter so long as it’s interesting

72. Character you can relate to but you dislike them?

kokichi, again being kinnie on main but while i relate i dislike it because it’s a reminder of my tendency to lie to others and to myself for any number of purposes

73. Character who deserved better?

[sniffles softly] taka. also keebo. toko too tbh

81. Could you be the Ultimate Lucky Student? 

probably??? my luck varies from being unbelievably good and unbelievably bad so hey

97. Overrated ship which is your NOTP? 

toko/byakuya for sure. i don’t like the it(tm)

99. Your absolute NOTP?

junko being shipped with anyone but especially with the sdr2 cast because it is gross. let the sdr2 cast do the right thing and get to pull a knife on junko instead

100. Opinion on all the Protagonists!

makoto: a boy who has a mouth and must scream. he’s not having a good time but hes trying his best

hajime: a good, refined boy. he knows how to say and spell big words like antidisestablishmentarianism, or however that goddamn word is spelled. the most paranoid boy

komaru: a good gal, a lil anxious but very strong and ready to kick ass. a funky little lesbian

toko: a blessed gal who needs more appreciation. her time as a protagonist is extremely gay, meaning she is also a funky little lesbian.

kaede: she doesn’t have much screen time but i appreciate her. she’s nice to people and confident whereas everyone else in this series is nervous

shuichi: nervous and emo, shuichi truly represents teenage america in the years 2007-2012, possibly 2013. i adore him