#describing their emotions is complicated

[childrenofcain-if]

I'm a little confused, did C have a crush on MC too? Like from when they were in school together? I don't think you've ever given a straight answer to that and now I'm screaming 😭 Please tell me it wasn't all one-sided from my MC's side

the answer to this depends on if you’re on C’s route or not. if you are, you’ll later discover that they’ve liked MC romantically from the moment they actually interacted. then again, C is a very emotionally stunted individual to recognise what these feelings actually mean so they’ve been misinterpreting them and, to an extent, repressing them since.

they’ll curse them out but at the same time, their mind will be cataloguing every single detail about MC that day. when they interact, C feels... alive.

the only person in the world who was ever able to challenge them in pursuit of their ambitions has been MC. and at some point, it became less about showing them up and more about keeping in steps with each other in an eternal dance.

[archersartcorner]

Thinkin about that clip made me wanna make my own interpretation of Pike and Spock’s relationship. Again, have only watched TOS, so this is just me havin fun here lol

[topnotchquark]

In the spirit of this quaint men-on-motorcycles-enthusiast blog I went to watch The Bikeriders and had my heart quietly broken by a slow but softly luminous movie. Something about men's expansive lives and how movement is ultimately the seed from which all freedom grows. When you see Tom Hardy's Johnny slowly strain and crack under the realization that something he created out of simpler desires is now turning into a hydra headed problem he can't seem to solve, you understand something about existing in a world where your need for belonging is a vulnerability that eventually gets you.

When he asks Austin Butler's Benny about taking over the gang from him he's submitting himself to someone he trusts. Their faces slowly coming together, closer and closer, in the dark with just the incandescent glow of the streetlamps on the edge of their faces, like burning paper. How Benny is too stubborn to understand that its not a favor being asked of him, but a declaration of something deeper from Johnny. What a beautiful narrative choice it was to have a woman recollect this entire story of this rag-tag group of men, who herself was affected by the atmosphere she found herself unable to get out of. I love that it works like a non-judgemental narration of how quickly boyhood bluster breaks down when real life circumstances get rough. How difficult it was for Johnny to keep the community together because he didn't expect it to be anything more than a quaint cosplay when he started it to escape boredom. At the end where Benny finally gets the news of Johnny's murder, something done to usurp his frayed authority, and he returns to Chicago and breaks down on Kathy's stoop, I found myself crying alongside him.

The movie was clearly a labour of love from someone who had deep fascination with the lives of these men and with motorcycles. Wild that a two wheeled liquid fuel powered machine has been the site of so many meditations on masculinity and rebellion and anger and power and authority. I don't know if I want to revisit it but I am glad I got to watch it in the time period of my life that my deep fascination with bikes and men's lives makes it so much more valuable to me.

[theloopcrew]

i can feel the mental illness coming back

[dumblr]

I could be in love but I just don't know.

[fruitageoforanges]

the only thing i have to say after that episode is that this is a book-accurate rook’s rest household.

[girlivealwaysbean]

so tired of being a shitty bandaid for my parents' loneliness. like have u ever considered you passed your curse to me and some days i feel so lonely it's like i can't breathe around the emptiness in my chest????

[henry-fox-biggest-stan]

If Alex is Chloe then Henry is August

[morganpdf]

gender is funny & shit and im gonna be honest. do not vibe w the word man in the same way i do not vibe w the word woman or girl. however i am 28 and feel uncomf using 'boy' in any way like i used to bc i am. you know. almost 30. so. im just some guy. thats it thats the gender. some guy

[anthromimicry]

okay, but i think it is about time to talk about one of misao's fears is, because i believe that they can tell you a lot about a character and their psyche — and i came to tell y'all that the one i'm going to be talking about today is that misao fears becoming a mother / motherhood. the first reason in which why i believe this is because misao just genuinely thinks that she is not the nurturing type and that she would likely be a terrible parent to her child ( which i know is a very depressing thing to think about. but it is something that she has feared for a long time, unfortunately. ) this likely stems from a mix of misao's inability to deal with her own emotions, though, as she feels like it's better to just bottle them up and deal with them all on her own rather than the alternative. and this would be to try to confide in someone and/or get help from them should she need it. so, misao feels as if her child were to come to her needing emotional support from her, she would absolutely fail at it and the last thing she wants is to emotionally neglect someone the way she had been as a child ( p.s. of course, this was mostly just borne out of unfortunate circumstances, as i've stated before because of kaiyah's illness. though this hasn't stopped misao from feeling the brunt of the impact that it had on her. )

plus... i feel as if misao also doesn't have a lot of confidence in herself whenever it comes to the concept of always being able to put a child first, as she has a pretty negative self-image of herself deep down if i'm being honest. she sees herself as an extremely selfish person who can't even become friends with one person because she is so afraid that someone will hurt her, and in her opinion, that makes her pathetic or weak. so she doesn't feel like she'd be able to take care of a child with the amount of responsibility that is required to in order to raise them properly and protect them at the same time.

though this isn't necessarily true as misao has put up those barriers that would normally let people into her heart mostly due to trauma, and having experienced trauma doesn't make anyone weak. i just feel as if she desperately needs to remedy her self-image because it is very damaging to think of yourself like that and it would be really good for her emotional health if she were to try to ways to better cope with everything that she's experienced throughout her life. there are other reasons as well behind why misao fears motherhood while i'm talking about it, however, and these are arguably one of the more bigger ones: the act of giving birth itself and suddenly being thrust into having to not just take care of yourself, but the baby inside of you as well. which sort of makes sense whenever you connect the dots as to how many horror stories misao has heard about delivering a baby and also how much a person's experience while being pregnant can vary from others. i mean, it has been shown that some people may have more morning sickness than others and that they just don't have a very good experience with being pregnant in general, for example. but other's may be 'glowing' as they say and may find it easier to deal with.

so, you never really know what kind of pregnancy you're going to have until you actually become 'with child' as misao would call it. and the unknown aspect surrounding it scares misao more than anything. plus, as it stands now, she isn't sure whether she'd want to go through the process of giving birth as there can be a lot of complications regarding it. but there can also be so many good things about inviting a new member of the family into your home and misao feels as if it is kind of expected of her to have children so she can continue the kanade line.

but misao is just so afraid of it for these reasons that she can not see herself as a mother, even in her head. however... there is the matter of adoption that she has yet to take into account, but with how focused the jorōgumo are about having biological children, i feel as if misao hasn't even considered it to be an option for those who are afraid of giving birth and also to give a baby / child a loving home as everyone deserves one of those. but yeah. i hope that this gave y'all a little more insight into her character, as misao is scared of re-enacting her past in a way, though i feel as if you become a mother yourself... you have to separate what will be your own experience of parenthood from your parents. so, in order to overcome this fear she has, misao would have to treat it as an entirely different thing from kaiyah's experience as a mother and her own child self's experience of her as a mother.

and this is definitely possible. it would just take some work, as overcoming any kind of fear would. plus, i feel as if misao were to accept other people's help it would also benefit her, since discussing motherhood / plunging into the topic of the sometimes seemingly scary thing that is parenthood is definitely not something that you have to try to go through alone.

[hurricaneginger]

There is a unique kind of grief that comes when the parent that abused you dies. I moved out, and was able to establish boundaries, only speaking with her when I felt comfortable. Our relationship was getting better, because I was making peace with the fact that how we were and how we are will just be that. She told me once that we will never talk about how she hurt me, and I believed her. But because I was making peace, I was learning to love her as she was, even if it wasn't what I needed.

She may have been autistic, she may have had ADHD - perhaps even both, and that's why she could be a comforting and understanding mom sometimes; and other times, she was scary, and someone I never wanted to know.

Realizing this does not excuse her behavior, but I understand.

There is nothing more excruciating than wanting to move on and recover, and grow a relationship from what you know you have, only for it all to just end.

That's it. It's gone. There's nothing else to be gained.

That's just...it.

The night she found out she may not make it, she called me and said:

"Honey, I may not make it through the night. I'm sorry."

And I think about that apology so, so much.

There were times though I thought she didn't love me, or even like me. And perhaps the latter is true, but in the end I knew without a doubt that she loved me very, very much. And I realized that I loved her still, too.

[ofwolvesandshatteredshields]

For many months I have been kicking around a fenhawke medieval fantasy AU (I know, but too many things are different from the DA setting) where Fenris is the prince of Tevinter—his husband being the king of Tevinter, Danarius. Tevinter and Ferelden are simultaneously at war with each other and battling a Qunari invasion from the sea. Hawke is a longtime soldier in the Fereldan army, blessed with the magical ability to turn his skin hard as steel and thus survive a lot of things most people wouldn't.

Danarius needs a bodyguard for his husband and most trusted diplomat, and the guardsmen of Minrathous are woefully unprepared to handle Qunari or Fereldan attacks. Thus he takes Hawke and Bethany as prisoners of war. Bethany is put to work as a healer while Hawke is assigned as Fenris's bodyguard. If anything should happen to Fenris, Danarius will take it out on Bethany.

It's a weird one for Fenris because he's in a very different (i.e. much earlier) place than he was in DA2 so characterization is a challenge. However I am having too much fun with a red Hawke who copes with constantly being in the shittiest possible situations by trying to start something with anyone who passes within earshot. Anyways I have about 75% of an outline! Now that I f i n a l l y have a stable job it has become easier for me to work on things that take a long time

[elytrafemme]

alright so it’s 1:00 AM and i somehow had the strange experience of beginning to have an episode and then proceeding to stop caring much about the episode so now i’m fine, i guess? also my heater is being suspicious and i’m a little cold. BUT i discovered a gold mine of fic tonight so i’m proud of myself. i am very sleepy. goodnight my friends :]

[callilouv]

eugjghg........

[sweet-berrry]

how are your opinions on how minecraft blocks would be as people so entirely correct????????

The trick is to stare at them till they stare back 👍

[jellyloveru]

i'm a duality. i think that's enough.