#derek bought a ring the next day

[twpromptsillneverwrite]

Derek: Are you thinking about... getting married?

Stiles (making a wedding board): No, what gives you that idea?

[shojizbae]

My Rave Babies

Spencer Reid x Reader

rave baby part two

For three weeks, your coworkers had been barraged nonstop about your scandalous habits. "So, listen to any good EDM?" or " Going to any parties?" had been ringing in my ears all week. The team had managed to sneak in puns during a case.

"Well, that sheriff was just raving, man." Derek leaned against the counter and brought a paper cup to his mouth

"Enough," I groan and toss my head back

"C'mon, you can't just tell us you used to go to raves and then not take us," Emily explains

"We are in the dead of the midwest. Will a serial rapist be on the loose, and you're thinking about going to a rave?" I fill up a paper cup with coffee

"Well, do you know of any back home?" JJ offers, sliding effortlessly into the conversation.

"JJ, you have kids," I whine

"Will can watch them for the night." She refutes

"I can't. I'm going back to the murder case before this town is traumatized further." It's a less effective duck-out, but it draws attention away. Hotch gives me a bit of a look as I rejoin a discussion with an exhausted look.

"I hope you didn't stay up all night partying." He teases

"No, I got a full night's rest. I'm ready to take this guy in." Deny. Deny. Deny.

The case came to a close two days later, with the man castrating himself and then slitting his throat. Unfortunately, the connection that all of the victims had was that they frequented the same club. An EDM / Rocker club with very Rave-like vibes. The jokes flew on the plane ride home.

"Alright, alright, fine. I'm going to call my old friend. She'll let me know what's going on in town."

"Really?" Morgan jumps at the statement

"Yeah, don't make me regret this."

~

It was four days later that a festival would be in town for the weekend. I informed the team that tickets needed to be bought. I also let them know they should be on high alert for roofies and perverts. Skimpy clothes and loud music were catalysts for freaks.

"So you're really knocking the dust off?" Morgan holds an FBI mug up to his lips. He's got an all too-full-of-himself grin on his smug little face.

"Yeah, you're coming too?"

"Yeah, so is Emily."

"And me!" JJ holds each of my shoulders, "I'm so excited, Will hasn't stopped ogling the outfit in my closet. He said he needed to borrow some floss and held it up on the hanger."

"Is anyone else coming?"

"Yeah, Penelope and Spencer," Emily says

"Reid?" I nearly snort my coffee out

"That's my name." He traipses into the kitchen and dumps half the can of sugar into his mug.

"I figured a rave would be a little out of your comfort zone. You're really coming?"

"I-i-It is. But I'm trying some exposure therapy."

"I thought that has been disproven." Emily counters

"Clinically, yes. But some of the results of those who have conquered fear through exposure therapy are too nice to pass up. You know, in recent studies-"

"Yeah, we get it you're going." Derek cuts him off

"So, have you picked out an outfit?"

"It's no Halloween, but I figured I should just wear what I always do."

"What?"

~

The night came faster than I had expected. One night, I was filling out a report on a serial arsonist; the next, I was tying myself into a bikini and zipping up giant platform boots. I put on a silky kimono to disguise the scandalous outfit. We all taxied to the nearby party meeting to get our tickets and a wristband checked. Emily and JJ looked phenomenal. Penelope was show-stopping, though. A galaxy-printed dress, giant boots, and fishnets, bejeweled with bracelets and a bucket hat.

Derek was primarily shirtless, though he found a neon fishnet shirt and tactical boots over some burning man cargo shorts. Finally, Reid was the last of the group. Surrounded by a thousand people in their skivvies, he stuck out like a sore thumb in gray slacks, a purple pinstripe button-down, and a sweater vest. The most crazy part of his outfit was his mismatched DC and Marvel socks.

"Wow, you look-"

"You look," I motion up and down at him. "You know, for the youngest on the team, you look like you're babysitting." He laughs, but it seems like he's shriveling on himself.

"Don't worry, you look great," I reassure and slide my hand up and down his bicep reassuringly. Even if I'm typically a touchy person that gesture might seem too forward for coworkers so I retract my arm awkwardly.

"Dang, (Y/n), where were you hiding that body?" Emily came and patted me on the ass and then slung her arm over my shoulder.

"Ok, tipsy, why don't we get you some water?" I unfurl her from me

"That sounds great," Reid clears his throat. "My throat is feeling a little dry." Emily wraps herself around me, and JJ slings an arm over Reid's shoulder. Morgan follows behind us, and we find some bottles of water that are way overpriced. Music begins to bump behind us, and I drag the group into the heart of the crowd. Morgan rears off when he finds some girls eyeballing him. Penelope follows Derek to a group of fun.

JJ and Emily stay close by but jump and sway with the thrumming music. Reid looks out of place like a black sheep.

"DOC!" I shout over the loud music

"Yeah!"

"You look stiff!" I jump around and scream at him.

"I'm not much of a dancer. Maybe I should just go home."

"What?" I stop jumping. C'mon, you've just got to feel the music." I take a step closer. Thanks to the giant shoes I wear, I'm much closer to his face than I usually am. I loop my fingers into the belt loops on his hips and take another step closer. "C'mon, man, you've just got to feel the rhythm." with my hands, I make him sway his hips to the beat. With a bit of encouragement, he starts to do so by himself.

"Ok, just jump around. Let yourself feel free." I twist and jump to the ear-splitting music. He raises his arms apprehensively, and I fling mine on top of him to show him it's fine. With my permission, he raises them and starts to flail freely.

"Alright, pretty boy, get into it." Derek teases

"Don't listen to him. You look great." I jump and swing my arms like a toddler. Lost in the moment, I spin around to show off my back and shake my hips. I lose my control and dance like a maniac. I back up onto Reid and sway with him. As I feel eyes on us, Reid jumps away from me.

"Are you two having fun?" JJ drawls

"Have you been drinking?" I shout

"A lot!" She responds

"I'm having so much fun. Why did you stop this?" Emily screams

"The hangover you'll have tomorrow? Yeah, have fun taking a jet ride with your ears trying to compress into your skull. And one time I caught a nasty STI from hooking up with someone in a port-a-potty."

"What ew," Emily fake retches.

"Don't worry, I took antibiotics." The music came thrumming through the speakers as a new DJ started their set. Immediately, I recognized her and started leaping like a manic shrimp. "Oh my god, I love this song!" I twisted around and grabbed each of Reid's wrists.

"C'mon, dance with me!" my mind disappeared in the bass. Nothing else mattered but the feeling of my feet pounding into the dirt and the occasional collision of Spencer's limbs. Slowly, the thrumming of the tempo migrated to my ankles.

"Alright, it has been a long time since I've danced like this. I need a break."

"Yeah, I don't think these are the best dance shoes either." there's sweat on his brow, but he holds up one of his feet to show off the brown loafers.

"Let's find the rest of the group," I whisper scream in his ear. In the proximity, I feel my torso press to his. I nearly roll my ankle and he catches me by my hip. He stands me back up and steadies my hips.

"Ok, let's get you to a cab," We find Derek quickly. He only has one girl who won't let go of his bicep tonight. Emily, JJ, and Penelope cling back to us, and we leave the grounds all slightly limping. We all file into a taxi and people filter out of the car slowly.

"I think I'm going to get out here and just take the metro home." JJ and I are the only two left in the vehicle as Penelope gets out of the car.

"What no, just stay in the car. I'll drive you home."

"No, that's far too much."

"I could drive you home." JJ offers as we turn down the corner of her street."

"No, you live further than her."

"Reid, I'll drive you home," I demand.

"Alright, you two have a good night." JJ slinks out of the cab, and we watch Will open the door, and she leaps into his arms.

'the kids are sleeping.' I read from his lips

"They're going to have a fun night." I snort. Reid shrinks on himself again. "C'mon, you've had to have some sort of fun like this."

"No,"

"No?" The cab takes us to my neighborhood, and we get out. Reid insists on paying the driver. I let him in and opened the front door. He takes the same space on my couch and groans from the pain. I bring two cans of lemon seltzer water and slump down with my legs across his lap on the couch. I crack the cans and hand one to him.

"Oh, thank you," he takes it, and I take a big slurp of mine. I extend a foot up and put my ankle near his face

"Could you unzip me?"

Uh, uh, sure." He holds my ankle and tugs the zipper down the inside of my calf. Once it's down, I use my other foot to push it off with my other foot. I hold up the second foot and he obeys, tugging off himself.

"Thank you, I roll, crack my ankles, and sigh in relief. "Whew, those were killing me." I start to roll down my thigh-high fishnets.

"Uh, would you like to go to the bedroom to get changed?"

"No, I'm fine like this." I pull the second sock off. I readjust the slipper kimono and tug one of my blankets up my shoulders. I twist around to lie on Reid's chest, straddling his leg.

"Uh, what are you,"

"I'm tired, Spencer." I dig into his chest with my own and loop my arms around his neck. I readjust myself even more around him. His tie stabbed me in my temple, and I tugged it off his chest.

"Uh (Y/n), what are you-"

"Calm down," I say, undoing his top buttons for the skin-to-skin contact my body craves. Your chest is warm." I cuddle into it and kiss his collar.

"I had a good night, Spencer," I sink further into his frame and pull the blanket on harder. I feel a hand thread its way into my hair but dreamland takes me away.

"I had a good night too."

[on-my-vigilante-sht]

Haunted

Mark Sloan x Reader

Summary: Mark Sloan finally finds where his wife had been hiding

Warnings: Angst, cheating, mild smut, Addison has poison oak, medical talk, death

Word Count: 5.7K

Masterlist

I sat in the foyer of the beautiful brownstone Mark has bought us, seething. I had arrived home after a long 30-hour shift, just wanting to relax with my husband but I had instead received a call from Derek delivering the worst news of my life.

“Y/N?”

“Hey, Derek, everything okay?” I asked, concerned at his strained voice.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry.”

My heart crawled into my throat. What could have possibly happened to warrant this much concern from him? Has Addison been hurt? Had Mark? “What? Derek, you’re scaring me.”

After a pause, he spoke again. “I just found Mark in bed with Addison.” My entire body felt like it had filled with ice. I knew Addison and Derek had been on the rocks for a while but I thought Mark and I were solid. “I’m leaving, tonight, for Seattle. I have an old friend out there who’s gonna make me the head of neurosurgery. I know it’s sudden and you’re dealing with a lot right now but I’m happy to bring you out there.”

Tears pricked in my eyes, I felt so helpless. “Derek, I’m a second year resident, I can’t just up and move to a different program.”

“Richard, the chief of surgery at Seattle Grace, will help you. You may be set back a year but what’s the alternative?”

I thought for a second. I could stay here and try to work things out with Mark but I knew I’d never be able to look at or trust him again. I could break up with him and stay here but knowing him he’d never leave me in peace. My best option would be to flee. “You’re right. I’ll meet you at the Starbucks across from JFK?”

“I’ll see you there. And Y/N? I really am sorry that this happened to you.”

“I’m sorry it happened to you too.”

I had packed only the essentials into a duffle bag that sat next to me as I waited for Mark to get back to his home. My beautiful rings sat on the coffee table between me and the door, clearly visible from the doorway.

Mark had a devastated look on his face even before he opened the door. His face dropped even further when he saw my expression along with my rings on the table. “Y/N-”

“Don’t,” I interrupted. “I want a divorce,” I asked calmly, picking up my bag to walk out.

But Mark stood his ground, continuing to stand in front of the doorway. “Can we at least talk about this?”

“Why? Nothing you could possibly say could make this better or make me not hate you. You hurt your best friend and your wife,” the tears were falling now. “You threw away our entire relationship for what? So you could hurt Derek? You just had to have Addison? You wanted to hurt me?”

“No, no,” Mark protested, his own voice cracking. “Addison wanted to hurt Derek and well… I wasn’t thinking.”

“‘I wasn’t thinking?’ That’s a pathetic excuse.” I moved to walk past him but he grabbed my arm, yanking me back in front of him, moving to further block the door.

“You promised to love me for better or worse, Y/N Sloan. Well, this is worse. You made a vow.”

“You also vowed to love and honor me,” I threw back.

His grip slackened enough for me to remove my arm from his grip so I continued towards the door. But before I could step out into the night, Mark spoke again. “At least tell me where you’re going?”

I sighed. “Derek and I are getting hotel rooms for a little while,” I lied. Not wanting him to ask me anymore, I slammed the door shut, quickly hailing a taxi.

~

I stood at the nurses’ station, filling out charts when Alex came up next to me, grabbing a chart from one of the nurses. “Your patient in 402 is demanding your presence,” I told him.

He groaned, rolling his eyes. “She’s been demanding ridiculous things all day. I’ve got a surgery I need to study for.”

“Oh yeah? Tell you what, I’ll take this patient off your hands if you take my ruptured abscess.”

Alex stopped to think for a second before reaching his hand out. “Deal.” I smiled, eager to switch when suddenly a fist came out of nowhere, hitting Karev in the face. I whipped my head around, horrified to see Mark.

“What are you doing with my wife?” he yelled down at a still slightly dazed Alex.

“Mark! What the hell?” I demanded.

But before Mark could speak, Alex was up and lunging at Mark. Noticing him, I stepped between the two men, stupidly, getting myself tackled into Mark’s chest in the process. The rest of the hospital had finally realized what was going on as they pulled Alex away, Izzie trying to calm him down.

Realizing I was still in my ex-husband's arms, I pulled myself away from him. “What the fuck are you doing here? How did you find me?”

“Addison told me.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know of all the ways you could’ve found me, that is the last one I would have wanted to hear.”

“Y/N, please, just hear me out,” he begged.

I sighed, “Fine. But after I listen and make a decision, I want you out of my life forever.” Mark looked like he wanted to argue but nodded nonetheless. So I led him to an on-call room for privacy. He smiled upon entering the room. “I remember these from my residency. Or when I’d have a surgery with you at New York Presbyterian,” he flirted, stepping closer to me.

I pressed my hand against his chest, pushing him away. “Don’t. Just say what you need to say.”

He looked disappointed at my rejection but spoke anyways. “First, I want to apologize. What I did was unforgivable and it was just a moment of weakness. I love you, I always have and I always will. These past few months have been hell and everyone refused to tell me where you were.” He paused, waiting for my response but I just quirked an eyebrow at him, urging him to continue. “Look, I want you back. I’ve been wanting you back ever since… well Addison and I… anyways. Please, I can’t do this without you, come home.” He then pulled out my engagement and wedding rings and I noticed for the first time he was still wearing his ring. “You’re still my wife, Y/N Sloan.”

I took a shaky breath. “My name is L/N and the only reason we’re not legally divorced is because I didn’t want you to know where I was. But I guess that doesn’t matter now.”

“Babe, please-”

“Don’t call me babe. I have work I have to do.” I went to move past him but he grabbed my arm again, just like he did all those months ago.

“No, we’re gonna makeup,” he insisted. He pulled me in front of him again, peering down at my face. “God, you’re more beautiful than I remembered.” I remembered lines like that from early on in our relationship. They used to make me melt… I shook off any feelings from the past, trying to steel myself against my husband’s charms that would make me putty in his hand in an instant. His hand slipped under my jaw, cupping my face, fitting perfectly just like back when I thought we were made for each other. And then his lips found mine and I was gone.

I felt his other arm slip around my waist and he pulled me closer to him. Feeling my resolve slip, I brought my hands to my husband’s face and neck, kissing him back. Noticing my reciprocity, Mark lifted me slightly, bringing me to the bed. He laid me down gently, careful to not put too much weight on me. With practiced hands, he went straight for my scrub pants. Neither of us were strangers to hookups in on-call rooms. Mark and Derek had their own practice back in New York but he’d have to come to my hospital for the ORs and he’d always drag me into the on-call rooms before surgery and sometimes after.

I made no moves to undress him, a quiet voice in my mind screaming for me to stop but I ignored it. Mark didn’t seem to mind though as he pulled down his own pants and moved his lips down to my neck. It took everything in me not to moan as he hit the parts of my body that made my toes curl.

He groaned when he finally sheathed himself inside of me. “Oh my god, you’re so perfect,” he groaned, gripping the sheets next to my head. “You haven’t been with anyone else?”

“No,” I answered, fighting out pleased sounds. Truthfully I was still in love with Mark and I didn’t want to hurt him, especially the way he had hurt me. Even though I had proclaimed that we were over, sleeping with someone else would still feel like cheating. “Have you?”

“No, no of course not. It’s you, it’s always been you, it will always be you,” he professed, continuing to thrust in and out of me. He was cupping my face again and trying to look deeply into my eyes but I refused to meet his gaze. Instead just looking up at the bunk above us, focusing on making it seem like I wasn’t enjoying this. Fortunately, he gave me the decency of nuzzling his face into my neck so I wouldn’t have to avoid his gaze.

He continued pumping in and out deep, and slowly, his fingers nestled against my clit, moving in the way he knew I liked. I was gone in about two minutes, embarrassment creeping up my neck and face at being at Mark’s mercy. I could feel him smirk into my throat as he chased his own release, finishing shortly after me.

The second he did, I was pushing him off of me, hiking my pants back up around my hips. “Babe,” he protested as I headed for the door.

“I have work to do,” I explained, not even sparing him a glance. “And don’t call me babe.”

I rushed out of the on-call room, intent on finding Alex’s whiny patient but I ran into Derek first. “Y/N, I heard about Mark, are you okay?”

“Hmm? Yeah, I’m fine. Told him to fuck off,” I rushed out.

“Why’d he punch Karev?”

“I think he thought we were flirting or something. I don’t know, didn’t bother to ask.” I tried to move past him but the sound of the door I just came through opening, stopped me.

“Mark,” I heard Derek say in shock. He looked between Mark and I and the on-call room we just came out of. Mark was wearing a proud smirk and I knew it was over for my decency. So in Derek’s surprise, I took the opportunity to slip away.

~

“Y/N Sloan, to the nurses’ station. Dr. Y/N Sloan to the nurses’ station,” the intercoms rang out across the dining quad.

“Are you the Sloan they’ve been calling all day?” Cristina asked as she approached the table along with Meredith, Izzie, and George. “I didn’t even know they still used these intercoms. Why don’t they just page you?”

I groaned, looking at Izzie, who was there to witness Mark’s outburst. “Because my ex-husband is trying to humiliate me into talking to him.”

“Wait, you’re married?” George sputtered out.

“Ex,” I clarified.

“But he called you his wife?” Izzie clarified. “Who is he? What happened? Why’d he punch Alex?”

I sighed, not wanting to tell them. But I knew they’d never stop asking and soon enough my business would be all over the hospital, might as well get control of the story. “Fine. That guy? That’s my husband, Mark Sloan. We’re not legally divorced but we will be soon.”

“Wait, you’re married to Derek’s ex-best friend?” Meredith asked.

“You’re married to plastic surgery god Mark Sloan?” Cristina asked at the same time.

“Yes, and yes. Mark and I met while I was finishing up in undergrad. We got married after two years and then three years later Derek finds him in bed with Addison. So I kind of fled New York in the middle of the night with Derek. Mark is here now because Addison finally told him where I am in order to beg for me to go back. As for the punch, I don’t know, probably thought Alex and I were flirting or something. He was always a little possessive.” George scoffed a little at that.

“So you’re married to McSteamy?” Izzie mused. “I did not see that coming.”

I set down my fork. “Did you just call my cheating husband ‘McSteamy?’”

“Yeah she did,” Cristina jumped in. “Can’t say I blame her, or Addison, or you.”

I rolled my eyes at the nickname. “So I guess I’m still just as pathetic as you?” I smiled at Meredith.

“Welcome to the club of getting screwed over by attendings.”

“He’s not an attending, he’s leaving as soon as possible,” I insisted. The rest of them stared at me. “What?”

“You know that lionitis patient? Dr. Sloan offered his services. The Chief offered him head of plastics on the spot and he took it. Said he wanted to be close to his wife, which I now realize is you,” George explained.

I stared at him with wide eyes. “No, no he is not staying here,” I seethed. Standing up, I began to storm towards the surgical floor’s nurses’ station, knowing that’s where he’d be.

I stormed up to the nurses’ station, finding Mark speaking with the Chief. “Mark, stop paging me!”

“Then don’t fuck me and immediately walk away,” he countered.

My eyes widened, shocked at his words. I glanced over at Dr. Webber, blood rushing to my face, mortified. He choked a little, excusing himself. “What the hell was that?” I demanded in a whisper yell. “First you punch one of my friends and now this?”

“What? God forbid people know that a man has sex with his wife?” I shushed him again. “And I can’t defend my wife either?”

“Okay, first of all, I’m not your wife.”

“Yes you are, neither of us have signed divorce papers.”

“Okay fine, but not for long. I’m going to see a lawyer when I’m done with work so you may as well get used to not being married anymore.”

“I can’t call you my wife, or babe, or your legal name. What should I call you?”

“Nothing, leave me alone. Tell the chief you can’t stay.” I whirled around, intent to walk away when Mark called after me.

“I won’t sign them.” I stopped dead in my tracks. Turning around, I looked at him. “I won’t let one mistake end our marriage.”

“It wasn’t one mistake. Are you saying you accidentally went to the Shepherds’ house? Accidentally started taking your clothes off? Accidentally took of Addison’s? And then your only mistake was to sleep with her? No, you made a hundred choices to cheat on me. So please Mark, give me mercy and leave me with a shred of decency to sign the papers and then leave. Do you know how much you’ve humiliated me?”

“Just give me three months. Three months to win you back. If you still hate me, I’ll sign the papers and go back to New York.”

“No.”

“Come on, you wanna throw away 5 years in one night? Three months.”

I sighed. “One date.”

“Two months.”

“A week.”

“A month.”

“Fine,” I rolled my eyes. “One month.”

Mark smiled victoriously, “A month.”

~

It was about 3 am and I had just wrapped up on an emergency heart surgery. I was the last resident to leave so I had the locker room completely to myself. At least, I did until I heard the door swing open. Assuming it was just some other exhausted resident I didn’t bother to turn around until I felt familiar arms wrap around my waist. I turned my head slightly, my cheek brushing against Mark’s lips. “You were amazing in that surgery,” he murmured.

“Thanks,” I dismissed, continuing to sort through my bag.

“You really are such a gifted surgeon. You know what specialty you want yet? You’ve got the face and skill for plastics.”

“You know this is the residents’ lounge, right?” I changed the subject. “Attendings’ is down the hall.”

“I like this one better. It has you in it.” I rolled my eyes at that pickup line. “So, I was thinking you and I could get dinner together. Catch up. Get late night takeout from whatever was open like we used to.” I had to admit, I had missed those late night takeout sessions… and Mark. The worst part was that I missed my husband.

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” I dismissed, twisting out of his arms.

“Y/N, our deal only works if you give me a fair shot.”

I sighed again, admittedly he was right. “Fine, we can get dinner, or I guess really early breakfast.”

Mark smirked victoriously again. “One of the other residents told me about this 24 hour place that has sandwiches.”

~

Mark opened the door to his hotel room, letting me step in. It was lavish, Mark having never shied away from the finer things in life. Mark stepped towards the desk, setting down the bag of sandwiches and sitting in the chair. Leaving me to take a seat, cross-legged on the bed. He handed me my sandwich that I eagerly opened, having not eaten anything in 6 hours. “So what’ve you been up to the last few months?”

“Work,” I answered bluntly. It was an honest and complete answer. I had to restart my second year of residency when I moved so I was barely above the bottom of the surgical food chain. “And all the residents in my year were already cliquey so my only friends are interns.”

“Richard told me you run with the girl Derek fell in love with.”

“Yeah, Meredith Grey. Now I’m the other girl who got screwed over by an attending,” I teased lightly.

He chuckled embarrassedly. “Yeah, well, sorry about that.”

“You know, when I first found out, I couldn’t wait to hear you grovel. But you’ve apologized to me so many times it’s like nails on a chalk board.”

“Sor-” Mark began but he pursed his lips when he saw my expression. “So that guy I punched? What’s up with him?”

“Beyond being a sometimes decent coworker? Nothing. But you should apologize to him, for me. He wants to go into plastics and I think you punching him threw a wrench into that plan. And as long as he’s not still pissed at you, I think he’d love to learn from you.”

“You’re going awfully out of your way for the guy that is ‘sometimes a decent coworker.’”

I sent Mark a tired look. “Are you actually going there right now?”

“I guess I don’t have much of a leg to stand on when it comes to this,” he said shyly, realizing his mistake.

“Ya think?” I asked sarcastically. “So what’ve you been doing?”

“Well when you first left I stopped working for a while. I poured everything into finding you… and admittedly a bottle. I was a mess, I couldn’t eat or sleep. All I really did was drink and beg for people to tell me where you were. But after like a month I finally gave up and went back to working. I did nothing but work for 4 months. Then… Addison called, said she was in Seattle with you and Derek and I was on the next flight here. I had to fly economy because there were no first class seats available,” he said with disgust.

“Oh the horror,” I laughed.

We fell into a comfortable silence and it felt almost like back when we were still happily married. The silence was first broken by my yawn since I had now been up for 20 hours. “I miss you,” Mark admitted. “I miss your smile, your laugh, your kindness. I miss how cute you are when you’re tired. How you used to come home and collapse into bed with me. I miss your cooking and how you said it was the next best thing to surgery.” He scooted his chair closer so he could grab my hands which had been sitting limply in my lap. “I miss your hands,” he kissed them, “and your legs, and your hair, and your eyes, and your nose, and your lips,” he punctuated each body part with a kiss there. But it was finally the kiss on my lips that made me snap out of Mark’s trance.

“No,” I said, pushing away. “Earlier was a moment of weakness, a mistake.”

“Ahah, so sleeping with someone is one mistake?” he beamed. “And a moment of weakness is just that, a moment.”

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. He had been so sweet and apologetic, now he was trying to get off the hook? “This afternoon wasn’t like you and Addison at all. I knew exactly what I was doing. I knew I’d regret it but I chose to anyway. And when I sleep with you I’m the only one getting hurt. I wasn’t cheating.” He looked dejected, realizing I was right and he couldn’t get out of this on a technicality. “I’m going,” I declared, moving to get off the bed.

“Y/N, you have work in two hours and we’re right across the street from the hospital. Sleep here.”

“You’re that eager to get me into your bed?” I scoffed.

“Look, I’ll sleep on the floor if that makes you feel better but I’m not letting you leave.”

“Fine,” I agreed, crawling up to the head of the bed to slip under the covers. Mark grabbed one of the many pillows from the bed, throwing it down onto the floor. As he laid down it dawned on me that he didn’t have a blanket. Feeling bad, I spoke. “Get up here.”

Mark didn’t have to be told twice as he quickly slipped under the sheets. But as soon as he did, I was turned the other way, refusing to acknowledge him further. “Goodnight,” he wished me as he turned off the lamp.

~

In the morning I woke up the same way I used to, the same way I had been missing for the past 5 months. My head was rested on Mark’s chest, his arms wrapped around me, and his lips murmuring against my ear that it was time to get up. Upon regaining my senses, I jumped out of bed, trying to find my shoes and jacket. Being back in his arms made me realize how much I had missed him but I couldn’t afford to slip back into those old habits.

“So am I just a bed warmer to you?” Mark asked from his spot in bed, watching me get ready. “I mean I’m fine with it if that’s all you’ll give me but I’d just like to know what I’m getting myself into.”

I sent him an eyeroll. “No, I just felt bad for you. Thanks for the wakeup, by the way,” I thanked, checking my watch to see I’d be right on time.

“Of course. What else are husbands for?”

I took a breath, not wanting to encourage him. “Bye.”

“I’m actually headed there myself, gonna operate on the lionitis kid. You wanna scrub in?”

“Are you actually trying to buy my love with surgeries?”

“It worked last time,” he laughed. “Well, you were still in school so more like homework answers but it still worked.”

I laughed, dismissively shaking my head, “I’ll see you later.”

~

Cristina, Alex, and I were waiting around the main nurses’ station, waiting for our assignments for the day. “How’s your face?” I asked Alex.

“Fine, I’ve taken worse,” he answered casually.

“Only reason he’s not mad is because he wants to kiss the plastics god’s ass,” Cristina teased.

“Shut up,” was all he said, offering no other defense for himself.

Fortunately for him Cristina couldn’t prod anymore because Derek was approaching. “You three, you’re assisting with Jake Burton today. Come with me,” he called, barely stopping to talk to us. We all scurried after him as we headed towards his room. Upon entering we found Mark drawing on the kid’s face.

“Dr. Sloan,” Derek interrupted him. “Don’t you think this is unnecessary?”

Mark gave him an annoyed look but before he could say anything, the parents spoke up. “We talked with Dr. Sloan and Jake, we’ve decided we’ll go ahead with the facial reconstruction.”

Derek pursed his lips, annoyed. I knew that about half a year ago Derek wouldn’t have hesitated to jump in on this joint surgery. It’s what their practice had been built on but now Derek was letting his feelings get in the way of patient care. “Fine, doctors,” he looked at the three of us and Mark, “come with me.”

We all shuffled out after him except for Mark who seemed to begrudgingly storm after Derek. “You have no right to undermine me in front of patients like that,” Mark immediately began.

“You’re a guest at this hospital, an unwelcome one at that. You have no right offering surgeries to patients— my patient.”

“Did you already forget that Webber made me Head of Plastics? You’re not the only surgeon with a fancy contract anymore,” Mark shot back.

Derek rolled his eyes. “Fine, Karev, you’re with Dr. Sloan.”

“Actually I’d like the other Dr. Sloan-” I sent him a glare, “Dr. L/N. The Chief gave me full authority to use whatever resources I need for this surgery.”

“She’s not some tool you get to use. Or something to play with whenever you feel like it. Is that what our marriages were to you? Something you could break when it suited you?”

“Dr. Shepherd!” I interrupted. “I appreciate that you’re trying to defend my honor but I don’t need you to. Besides you really want to do this here?” I gestured to all the people watching us. “Alex, you go with Dr. Sloan, I’ll go find something else to work on,” I dismissed, heading down to the pit.

As I was waiting for the elevator, I saw one of the last people I wanted to interact with. Addison stumbled towards me, looking like she had a squirrel in her pants. “Dr. L/N, I know we’re not exactly on the best of terms right now but I need a consult.” I looked at her, confused. We had worked on a few cases together perfectly civil. “I need a consult,” she clarified.

Catching her inflection and the fact that she was clearly uncomfortable, my mouth formed an O. “I see, c’mon, we’ll go to one of the private exam rooms.”

“Ah thank you,” she sighed in relief.

Upon having Addison in the stirrups and her explanation of her morning walk, I knew exactly what she was suffering from. “Yep, poison oak in probably the worst place you could have it,” I confirmed her suspicions.

She groaned, lying back on the table. “I guess this is karma.”

“You could say so,” I laughed gently. “I’ll get the calamine lotion and don’t worry, you have my discretion.” I grabbed the lotion from a storage closet, retuning to Addison.

“How come you don’t hate me?” she asked as I began to get to work. “Even my own husband, who chose to stay married to me, hates me.”

I sighed, “I don’t know. I did hate you, maybe I still do. But Derek can really hold a grudge so maybe that’s why I look so forgiving in comparison. But I have a hard time hating and turning my back on the people who were my family, even if they hurt me in the worst way possible.”

“I really am sorry. Mark and I, we regret everything.”

“I’m so sick of apologies. Do you know how many times Mark said he was sorry yesterday?”

“I heard he was here. And that he punched one of your friends, Karev.”

“Yeah, always been a bit possessive. Of course that’s painfully ironic now,” I laughed bitterly. “Alright, that’s as much as I can do for you right now. Apply more tonight.”

~

“Hey,” I heard Mark’s gruff voice gently coax me out of my thoughts. I turned, finding him in scrubs, his surgical gown open and flowing behind him. He always looked so good in scrubs.

“Hey,” I replied. “I heard about Jake. I’m so sorry.” Cristina had told me that the lionitis patient had died almost immediately after Derek had opened his head up. I felt bad for the kid, he had been so excited for a normal face.

He shrugged, taking a seat next to me. He sighed, pulling off his scrub cap. “I’m just sorry I couldn’t give him a sense of normalcy. But I talked to his parents, they said I could still do the surgery post mortem so he could be buried the way he wanted. Wanna help?”

I thought for a second. On one hand I didn’t want to continue to entertain the idea that Mark had a chance with me. On the other I needed to cut so desperately. “Sure, why not?”

He smiled. “Atta girl.”

We went down to the autopsy room in order to do the procedure and I had to admit it felt nice. I used to love performing surgery with Mark. It was always a comfortable silence while we worked together and when we did talk it was easy. Moments like this and memories of moments like this made it so hard to stop loving him. As we worked quietly I really thought for the first time since he came here. I had never really stopped loving him and even though I never wanted to see him again, a small part of me was relieved he tried so hard to find me and now he’s fighting for me.

By the time Jake’s parents came down to see him I was an emotional wreck. Seeing them grieve for their son made me burst. “I’m sorry,” I choked, stepping into a back room.

Mark was beside me in a second, closing the door for privacy. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, a distressed look on his face. I just crossed my arms, looking at the floor, trying to force down my emotions. I wanted to be strong enough to not tell him how I felt but I felt his finger underneath my chin. He pulled my face up to meet his concerned eyes. “I can’t help you if you won’t tell me.”

I swallowed harshly, unwilling to tell him. “I miss you,” I relented. “I miss us. I am haunted by you. I didn’t even realize I still loved you until you showed up. But it hurts. It hurts to love and miss you because you hurt me.” I could feel the tears slipping down my face and my throat straining against the sobs. “You hurt me so bad, Mark, and now I can’t trust you. I used to say that cheating is it, I’d never be able to forgive cheating but the worst part is that I want to forgive you. And I can’t forgive you and love you and still have any self respect.”

“C’mere,” Mark sighed, pulling me into a hug. I broke down, sobbing into his chest. “Sleeping with Addison was a mistake, one I fully own up to and take responsibility for. And I’m gonna tell you this not because I want you to feel bad or I think you should have any of the blame but the reason I did it was because I wanted you to notice me. You were at the hospital all the time and I knew then, and know now, that that wasn’t your choice. I guess it was just hard for me to see you be independent because it felt like you were so dependent on me for so long and I liked that you needed me. And I’m sorry for trying to hold you back and for hurting you in order to hold you back but please, let me help you grow and succeed now. That’s all I want in the world.”

“Promise not to hurt me again,” I demanded.

“I promise. You have my full permission to cut off my testicles if I do.”

“Okay,” I laughed. “I’m in, Mark. I’m in it to make our marriage work.” I tilted my head up to look at him as I spoke.

“Thank you,” he beamed in relief. “Thank you,” he repeated in a relieved whisper.

Masterlist

[sequinsmile-x]

Our Field of Dreams, Engulfed in Fire

She tells herself that she’ll get used to it, that the pain she feels over her friend's happy news will fade, but it only gets worse.

-x-

Hi friends,

This is truly up there with one of the saddest things I think I've ever written, so please take heed of the tags/warnings.

As always, please let me know what you think <3

-x-

Words: 4k

Warnings: pregnancy, miscarriage, stillbirth

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

She laughs as her husband shepherds her into the conference room, his eyebrow raised as he passes her a cup of coffee as she sits down, her eyes narrowed when she eyes him playfully, “What are we doing in here? I have work to do upstairs you know.” 

“I don’t know,” he replies, sitting next to her, “JJ called the meeting. I’m sure Counterterrorism can live without their Unit Chief for 30 minutes.” 

She rolls her eyes and sips her coffee, “I’ll remind you that you said that next time I try and steal you away for lunch.” 

She’d moved departments just before they let everyone know about their relationship, not wanting any technicalities or rules to get in the way of them being happy and together. Aaron had asked her several times if she was sure, as if he was forcing her out of her job, and she’d assured him she was more than sure. A change had been what she’d needed, her desire to pretend everything was as it always had been when she came back from Paris wearing thin. She’d worked her way up in Counterterrorism quickly and often made fun of her husband for the fact she’d made it to his level so fast, a quip that he was clearly the troublemaker out of the two of them always on the tip of her tongue. 

Any response he may have, his smile full of mirth as he looks at her, is cut off as the rest of the team filters in all together, JJ rounding them up before she pulls the door closed behind them, nervous excitement written all over her face. 

“What’s going on, JJ?” Derek asks, sinking into a chair on Emily’s other side, “Can’t be work-related if Mrs Hotch is here.” 

Emily rolls her eyes, shaking her head as he hides his smirk behind his mug, “How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?” 

“Always at least once more, Princess,” he says, winking at her, and she can’t fight her smile. JJ clears her throat and they all look at her, her amused smile tinged with an edge of nervousness, “Sorry JJ.” 

“It’s okay,” she says, “I wanted to tell you all something and it’s almost impossible to get us all into one room these days.” 

Penelope sits forward, “We’re all listening.” 

Emily watches her friend carefully, the way she smiles widely, how her hand twitches at her side, almost touching her lower belly before she stops herself. Emily feels the ground beneath her disappear, her stomach rolling as she realises what her friend is about to say. It’s like her senses disappear all at once, the happiness and lightheartedness she’d been feeling just moments ago long gone as she reaches for the small pendant around her neck, a disc with an E carved delicately into it that Aaron had bought her close to two years ago now. She presses her thumb against it, feels the curve of the letter pressing into her skin, the sensation something she focuses on as JJ’s announcement rings around them.

“I’m pregnant!” 

She’s grateful no one is paying attention to her, because the joyful cheer from their friends makes her jump, the sound of it drawing her back into herself as she looks around the room. Aaron is still next to her, his hand now on her thigh, and she looks at him, their eyes only briefly meeting before she looks away, sure she’d fall apart if she let him look at her too long. 

She forces herself up, grateful for once for her upbringing, that she’d been taught the language of good manners before anything else when she was young. She congratulates her friend, hoping she doesn’t see past her smile that was only half fake, her genuine happiness for JJ clouded by the grief she could never quite pull herself away from. 

No one knows. She has to remind herself of it, that no one knew, that it was her decision that they didn’t, and it’s the only thing that keeps her in one piece. She manages to stay in the conference room for 10 minutes until she feels like she could drown in the happiness, the taste of it bitter as it washes into her lungs, and she excuses herself, hugging JJ one more time before she leaves. 

She knows Aaron will follow her so she doesn’t go far, sneaking into his office and sinking onto the couch as she waits for him, her eyes fixed on the floor. She isn’t there long before she hears his footsteps followed by the sound of the door to his office closing. He joins her on the couch and he purposely keeps a distance from her, always keen to make sure he takes her lead. 

“Em-”

“Don’t. Please,” she says, shaking her head, her gaze still fixed on the ground, “I just need a minute,” she begs and she’s grateful when he obliges, the room silent other than the clock on the wall. She reaches for his hand and squeezes it, grateful for the press of his ring against her skin, a reminder that no matter what she’d lost she still had this. “I wasn’t expecting that to…” she chokes on a sound somewhere between a sob and a laugh, “That felt like a gut punch.” 

“I know,” he says, lifting their joint hands to kiss her knuckles, “Same for me.” 

She turns to look at him, not surprised to find his eyes shining with tears too, “It’s been nearly two years. I thought…I don’t know what I thought.” 

The grief of it, of the babies she’d lost, that she’d never get to know, was something she was strangely used to. An old friend that lingered in every corner and had a seat at every table. A part of their daily lives she thought she had built herself back up around, but this had pulled the rug from under her, her friend's happy news leaving her unsteady. 

They’d tried for a baby for a long time. When she fell pregnant the first time, a sense of finally in the air around her as the test she was staring at had two lines on it for once, she’d felt nothing but happiness. It had been short-lived, a moment of joy brought to an end by familiar cramping in her back and bleeding that stained her thighs. She still remembered the look on the doctor’s face, a strange type of kindness in her smile as she told them they could try again. 

They did, and the second time she fell pregnant quicker, something she tried to tell herself was a sign things were going to work out this time. Her anxiety had lingered, all the fears she couldn’t outrun from losing her first baby still in the back of her mind, but as she entered her second trimester she relaxed. It was something she now cursed herself for, anger that she’d let herself believe she was finally going to have everything she’d ever wanted the very thing that made what was to come even more painful. 

No one knew she was pregnant either time, only Aaron and her doctor, and when she had nothing to show for either of them except for a broken heart and a box full of ultrasound pictures and tests with faded lines, she was grateful for it. Aaron had tried to encourage her at first to talk to someone else if she wanted to, but she’d only ever wanted to talk to him. To share it with someone who understood, and who already shared in the loss. The thought of having sympathy and well-meaning but empty words from other people enough to make her want to scream. 

“Want to talk about it?”

She shakes her head, “Not here,” she says, smiling tightly at him, “Otherwise I think I’ll start crying and never stop.” 

He nods in understanding, “Later? I can ask Jess to take Jack. We can sit in bed and cry whilst we eat all the candy from the pantry.” 

She laughs, the sound wet and thick as it catches in her chest, “You know me so well.” 

“You’re my wife,” he says, reaching out and tucking some of her hair behind her ear, letting his fingers linger on her cheek, wiping away a tear he otherwise doesn’t acknowledge, “If I didn’t know you it would be pretty sad.” 

___

She tells herself that she’ll get used to it, that the pain she feels over her friend's happy news will fade, but it only gets worse. JJ stops trying to hide it now she’s told them, the clothes she now wears to the office show off her small bump, her smile wide and happy whenever someone congratulates her. Emily talks about to Aaron about it and decides she needs to talk to JJ, to give her some context on why she was suddenly avoiding her, and why she’d come up with an excuse that sounded lame even to her ears when Penelope mentioned a baby shower. 

When she’s standing on JJ’s porch less than two weeks after her announcement in the conference room, Emily doubts herself. A moment of anxiety flaring in her gut before she forces herself to ring the bell, bravery she knows is fake washing over her as she waits for someone to answer the door. She paints a smile on her face when JJ pulls the door open, her surprise obvious as she finds Emily standing on the other side of it. 

“Emily,” she says, standing back to let her in, “I wasn’t expecting to see you.” 

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” she replies, her gaze drifting to JJ’s stomach, the t-shirt she’s wearing gathering around her small bump. Emily forces herself to look away, sadness and envy and so many emotions she isn’t proud of burning in her chest, “If that’s okay.” 

“Of course,” JJ replies, furrowing her brow as she leads Emily towards the living room, “Will is on bedtime duty tonight so you’re not interrupting anything. Do you want a drink?”

Emily shakes her head, “No, that’s okay.” She sits down on the couch and waits for JJ to join her, but when she opens her mouth no words come out, everything she’d rehearsed on the drive over stuck somewhere in her throat, threatening to choke her as she tries to figure out how to talk about something she’d only ever discussed with her husband. 

“Are you okay?” JJ asks, beating her to it, “You haven’t been acting like yourself lately.” 

Emily chokes on a laugh at that, unsure when she had last been herself. She felt adrift these days. Aaron and Jack and her routine the only things that kept her above water. She clasps her hands in her lap, putting more pressure on her own knuckles than necessary so she can feel something, anything, other than the empty ache low in her belly, “I…I don’t know where to start.” 

“Wherever feels right,” JJ says, her voice so kind it makes Emily want to scream, everything she’d been suppressing for days just below the surface. 

She nods and sighs, “A few years ago, just after Aaron and I got married, I was pregnant,” she says, clearing her throat when her voice catches on the word that makes JJ’s face fall, “Twice actually,” she hates the silence as JJ stares at her, so she carries on, “And I lost both of them.” 

It’s an unnecessary addition, she knows that. JJ knows she doesn’t have any children other than Jack, and Emily wonders if her friend is replaying interactions they’d had together and as a group from the last few years. How Emily’s smile and shoulders would tighten if one of the team mentioned little Hotchner babies, how Aaron would throw daggers at anyone who brought it up. Emily had always assumed they thought she either couldn’t have kids or had chosen not to, their curiosity slowly petering off as the years drifted by. Their friend's thoughts of them having more children disappearing, the hope and possibilities nothing more than flecks of dust in the wind. 

“Oh, Em,” JJ says, her voice hollow, like all the joy had been mined out of it, empathy rushing into it’s place like flood water that Emily does her best to ignore. “Em, I’m so sorry. You never said anything.”

“We…I mostly, decided we didn’t want to,” she says, “The first time we knew for a handful of weeks,” she smiles wistfully as she thinks of it, of a time of innocence she’d burn the world down to get back, “But then I lost it, I was about 8 weeks along. We told everyone we had the flu and took a week off work. The second time I was almost 18 weeks along,” she says, ignoring the shake in her voice and the gasp JJ can’t hold back. Emily is glad she’s sitting down, that she can’t be physically knocked off her feet by the wave of grief that threatens to take her under, “We were waiting until I hit 20 weeks to tell anyone. I woke up in pain and I was bleeding…and I just knew before the doctor even spoke to us.”

“How did you keep it a secret?” JJ asks, her curiosity winning out as she finally speaks, and Emily shrugs half-heartedly. 

“It was winter and baggy sweaters hide a lot,” she sighs, “When I…after I had the baby we took time off work again. Close to a month that time. I can’t even really remember what Aaron said we were doing. We went to Europe for a little while. I don’t remember much about it.” 

“He told us you both had leave Strauss was making you use,” JJ says, filling in a gap for her that she’d never quite been able to ask Aaron to fill, aware that she’d let him deal with a lot of the practicalities during that time, his own grief at their loss pushed down in favour of looking after her. 

“Afterwards, my OBGYN said she thinks the losses were because of my injuries from Ian. I had no issue getting pregnant, but staying pregnant until viability seemed unlikely. We decided to stop trying then,” she sucks in a breath, the air burning her lungs, “I couldn’t go through that again,” she laughs bitterly, the sound strange and wrong but she can’t help it, the thought she’d never been able to entirely shake off chasing it out of her chest, “I can see the irony in it. I took Ian’s son from him and he took mine from me.” 

“You had a boy?” JJ asks, her gaze a mix of shocked and sad that makes Emily’s stomach twist, a strange sense of anger she knows her friend doesn’t deserve rolling in her gut.

“Yeah,” she replies, “I had a boy.” She looks down at her hands, her focus on her wedding rings as she twists them back and forth, “Sometimes…sometimes I feel guilty that we’ve never told anyone else about him. But most of the time I’m glad we didn’t,” she looks up at JJ, her smile tight as she sees the devastation on her friend’s face. She doesn’t reach out, doesn’t try and comfort her, finding no room in her chest to take on someone else's emotions about it, “It makes him just ours, you know? Mine and Aaron’s,” she wipes a stray tear from her cheek, pushing it away with the heel of her hand as she turns away for just a second, “He’s just ours.” 

“What was his name?” JJ asks, the question slipping free before she thinks about it, her eyes going wide as Emily looks up at her in surprise, “You don’t have to-”

“Elliot,” Emily says, smiling as she says her son's name. A name she’d never call out in a park or hear as he crossed a stage at graduation, but she could say it here, her smile soft and sad as she grips the disc-shaped charm on her necklace, her thumb pressed against the engraved E. “We called him Elliot,” she feels her smile tremble as she looks away from her friend, the empathy in JJ’s eyes almost too much for her to bear, “Thank you for asking.” 

“Thank you for telling me,” JJ replies, resisting the urge to press her hand against her small bump, desperate not to draw attention to the very thing that had started this conversation in the first place, “Elliot’s a lovely name.” 

Emily sighs, the breath catching on all her ribs on the way out, the space in her chest that was left empty the day she lost her son aching in a way she knows would never go away, nor would she want it to. It was one of the few reminders she had that he’d existed. A hollowed-out part of her that would always be that way but that she’d learnt to live with. 

“I just wanted to tell you why…” she closes her eyes and shakes her head, her tongue peeking out to lick at her lower lip, “Why I’ll struggle to be involved with parts of this,” she swallows thickly, “Maybe all of it. And I’m so sorry-”

“No, Em,” JJ says, finally closing the gap between them and reaching for Emily’s hand, squeezing it tightly as she encourages her to look at her, “You have nothing to apologise for. Thank you for telling me. I won’t tell anyone, not even Will, if you don’t want me to. If I had known, I would have told you separately, not in front of everyone.”

“Thank you, and I know you would have. I guess I didn’t realise how much something like this would impact me until it happened. I am sorry though,” she squeezes JJ’s hand, “I’m sorry that I can’t be a better friend for a while.” 

JJ pulls her into a hug, careful to make sure she doesn’t press her bump against her, desperate to make sure she doesn’t upset her friend any more than she needs to, “No matter what, you’re still one of the best friend’s I’ve ever had, okay?” 

Emily laughs humourlessly and pulls back, “Okay,” she smiles tightly, her gaze drifting to the pile of toys in the corner, brightly coloured bits of plastic she’d only ever bought for her friend’s children, and she blows out a shaky breath, “I should go home, Aaron will be waiting for me.” 

They exchange hugs and goodbyes, both of them aware this would be the last time they’d be together like this for a while. Something that weighed heavily on both of them, but was the right decision, neither one of them wanting to hurt the other with things out of their control.  Emily texts Aaron to say she’s on her way back, and she’s proud of herself for making it back to her car before she bursts into tears. 

___

He’s waiting for her when she gets home, the house silent apart from the quiet of the TV that he switches off the moment he hears the front door open and close. She slips off her jacket and her boots and walks into the living room, her shaking smile doing nothing to distract him from her red eyes and puffy face. 

Aaron lays down, already knowing what she needs, and she crawls on top of him, wedged partially between him and the back of the couch as she presses her cheek on his chest, the sound of his heartbeat a comfort she’d never get enough of. He wraps his arms around her and one of his hands cups the back of her head, holding her in place as if anything could pull her away from him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks, his hand running up and down her back, the other still tangled in her hair, “Or do you just want to lay here.” 

She knew that what they’d gone through could have easily broken them apart. Both of them so weighed down by grief, so busy drowning in it, that they could have forgotten to reach for each other. But he’d been her rock, and somehow she’d found it in herself to be his. They’d held on tight and weathered the storm and come out stronger, her love for him now ten times what it was when she married him, something she would have at the time said was impossible. 

“She understood. I..I told her about Elliot,” she says, instead of answering “I didn’t know if I would but I did,” she feels him hold her even tighter, his kiss against her forehead firm, “It felt nice talking about him.” 

He kisses the top of her head again, “It always does,” he says, scratching at her scalp, something he’d done for her since those long nights at the start when she’d cried herself to sleep, “How does it feel to have told your best friend?” 

She smiles sadly and shifts so her chin is resting on his chest so she’s looking at him, “You’re my best friend,” she says softly, reaching out to run her fingers through his hair, “So my best friend has always known.” 

He turns his head and kisses her palm, “You’re my best friend too, sweetheart,” he kisses her palm again, “I’d ask how you’re feeling, but I guess that’s a stupid question.” 

She shakes her head at him, “Never stupid,” she says, her smile tinged with sadness, “It’s strange to think in another life we’d have an almost two-year-old.” 

It was a thought she could never outrun. A ghost of another life walking in tandem with her, forever tapping her on the shoulder and reminding her of what she’d lost, as if she could forget even for a second, whenever she saw a little boy who would be around Elliot’s age. A child’s loud laughter in public that would stop her in her tracks and remind her she’d never know her own son’s laugh or even his cry. A gap in her knowledge of him that could never be filled, the possibilities of what he could have been neverending. 

“I think about that too,” he says, tucking some of her hair behind her ear, “I wonder what he’d be into. What gift we’d get him for his birthday and what theme the cake Penelope would make for him would have.” 

She laughs, the sound weak and sad as it settles into her hollowed out chest, “When I picture him, I just see a tiny version of you. Right down to his eyes.” 

“I always imagine him with yours.” 

It’s a conversation they’d had countless times since the day they met and lost their son, and one she knows they’ll have for the rest of their lives. The what could have beens and what should have beens as painful as they were happy. Wistful and full of sorrow, as deep and full of unknowns as the sea. 

“I wish things could have been different,” she says, not even attempting to stop her tears, smiling shakily at Aaron as he immediately wipes them away, “I…” she drifts off, not sure that she could ever put it into words, and he nods, encouraging her closer so she can press her face into his neck, his tears splashing into her hair. 

“I know, sweetheart,” he says, because he did, he understood the loss because it was something they shared, something that was theirs, “I know.” 

“I’ll always remember what the nurse said,” she whispers, thinking of the kind woman who’d looked after them before they were sent home with a memory box they kept safe in their bedroom, “Clara. She told me that he’d only ever known love and warmth. That this world hadn’t had a chance to hurt him and never would,” she sucks in a breath and reaches for his hand, linking their fingers together, “I like to think that’s true.” 

He rests his cheek against the top of her head, damp with the tears he’d shed, and he holds her close, providing her with an anchor as he uses her just the same. 

“Me too sweetheart,” he whispers, “Me too.” 

[differenteagletragedy]

Please tell us about Derek losing the MC in childbirth.

Derek had waited a very long time to be happy. And for a while, he was. Truly, deeply, incandescently happy.

He should have known it couldn't last.

When he first met you, all the way back when you were 13, he liked you almost immediately. Then when he got to know you, he developed a crush so intense that he thought his heart might implode. But he could never let himself believe that you might feel the same way.

Years were wasted, years that he looked back at now with an unbelievable bitterness. Thousands of days loving you from a distance, holding onto a belief that if one day he could be good enough for you to love him back, that you'd have the rest of your lives to spend together.

Which you did -- but your life was over much sooner than it should have been.

Derek thought about all of this on long, sleepless nights he spent up with the baby. The daughter that you held once and then never again.

Ten years after you first met, he had moved back to the area to try to get his life figured out, and then you came, as beautiful and kind as ever, and reminded him of a deal you'd made back then: that if you weren't married by now, then you'd simply marry each other.

He couldn't believe how it had played out, but you wanted to keep the deal. You'd loved him just as long as he'd loved you. And because you'd waited so long, things moved fast. A couple of months after you'd agreed to stick with the deal, he proposed for real, with a ring he'd bought before you were ever even dating. He'd always known, regardless of when he might pluck up the courage to ask, that you were the only one he'd ever want.

Not too long after the engagement, you became pregnant. It was quick, but wonderful. The happiest time of his life, without a doubt. He worked tirelessly and was able to buy a house for you, just outside the city, and he spent so much time fixing up a nursery. He'd barely slept those months, making sure everything was safe and lovely and perfect for when you brought the baby home.

But then there was a problem.

There were a few magical moments after your daughter had been born, but then you were bleeding, then you were bleeding more. It wouldn't stop. It was a scene from a nightmare, and he couldn't do anything to help. He couldn't fix it.

But what he could do, he reasoned, was be strong for his daughter. He could do that much.

When he took her home from the hospital alone, there had been a string of people ready and willing and desperate to help. His parents, your parents, his brothers, Cove, Cliff, Miranda and Terry ... they'd all stopped by to babysit, to take the baby for a while so he could rest, to just hold her for a little bit so he could take a moment, but he always refused.

He'd taken family leave from work, and he had money saved to get him by. He could handle it.

But one day, a perfectly ordinary day in this new normal of his, a few months after you'd gone, something snapped in him.

After weeks and weeks of pushing through, pushing everyone away, barely sleeping or eating or making any sort of move in accepting the loss, it happened. He was cleaning the bathroom while the baby slept in the next room, baby monitor turned up to full volume so he could hear her, and he felt a pain in his chest, a miserable sort of clenching that he'd never felt before.

It was so intense that he dropped his sponge and gripped the side of the bathtub, leaning over and breathing hard and fast. And then it felt like he couldn't breathe at all.

Tears started falling then -- he hadn't cried since it happened. He stayed there, crouched on the floor of the bathroom, letting out strangled sobs and gasps for air, whispering, "No, no, no," until he heard a soft knock on the door through the baby monitor.

He tried to get up, but he couldn't move. The pain in his chest only got worse, and even when he heard the door open and a familiar voice call out his name, he was frozen.

Soon, strong hands gripped his shoulders and turned him around. He fell the short distance to sit down fully on the floor and leaned against the wall, then looked up and saw Cove.

Derek tried his best to calm down then, but he couldn't. His mind raced, picturing you in your last moments, you at 13, you in his arms the first time he kissed you. All the moments you'd shared and all the ones you'd never get to experience.

All at once, Cove wrapped him in a crushing hug, pulling him close and pressing his head against his chest. It took a bit for Derek to hear him, but he told him, "You're ok. It's going to be ok."

The baby started crying.

Instinct took over, and Derek tried to push himself up, to push through whatever was happening to him, but Cove held him there.

"I've got to --"

"She's all right," Cove said. "You need to let someone take care of you."

That was something that Derek had struggled with his whole life, but as he sat there, practically writhing because he couldn't stand how much pain he was in, he didn't see that he had much of a choice.

Cove slipped his hand in his pocket and pulled out his phone. Still holding onto Derek with one arm, he typed out a quick text then set it on the counter.

"I'll be right back," he told him, then left. When he came back, he had the baby in his arms, and he squeezed in to sit next to Derek on the floor.

They sat like that, Cove rocking your daughter and talking softly to soothe her, until Derek was finally able to breathe again. It was shaky and shallow, but it was something.

Soon after, he heard the door open again, then his parents, along with Nicolas, came into the bathroom too. Nicolas scrunched himself up to sit across from Derek and Cove, and his mother sat on the closed toilet seat. His father stood by the doorway.

"It's time," his mom said, leaning down to grab his hand.

"Time for what?" he heard himself ask.

"Time to let us be strong for you."

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Damaged: Part Two

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2k

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there is any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated

JJ gets out her phone and messages you that she is on her way. Your phone rings with the message, and you silently breathe a sigh of relief. Rossi called someone to come and meet him, and when a police car pulls up next to your SUV, you and Rossi both get out.

"Agent Rossi. I'm Gary Willis with the Indianapolis police department."

"I asked for Captain Giles."

"He died a year ago."

"I'm sorry for your loss. He was a good cop. Do you have the Galen files?"

"Yeah, they're right here."

Gary passes over the files to Rossi, but he seems confused by them as if he expected more.

"Do you have anything new?"

"If we do, it's not in this file."

"You don't know? Who's working on this?"

"No one. Twenty years is a long time for a case to be cold. I didn't know this was an FBI case."

"Well, it isn't. Not officially. I was on the original scene the day it happened," Rossi reveals.

"You probably know more about it than I do. At least you had someone to talk to. No one's lived here since that day. There's a housekeeping service that comes in once a week, but otherwise it's empty," Gary says about the house you've been parked outside of for the past hour.

"I know. I own it. I bought it at an auction two years after the murders. The money went to their grandmother. She raised them after... Well, she died some years later and they're still living over there at her house."

Rossi grows sad when he talks about the three children, so this case must truly be haunting him.

"That's pretty personally involved. Do you know these people or something?"

"No. It was their kids. I kind of got attached. Look, I don't mean to be a hard-ass."

"It's no problem. Are we going inside?" Gary asks, eager to get started.

"No, I've spent years looking in that house. There's nothing there, nothing we missed, and no evidence we didn't find. I was hoping you had something new. I'm sorry to bother you. Thanks for coming."

"Could I keep the file?" you ask, and Gary hands the file over to you.

Gary leaves, and you look through the file. It's always good to bring in new people because they might see something that the original agent might have missed. Plus, with your abilities, you know you can solve it if Rossi would just ask for your help.

"We should go inside, Rossi. If the walls were caked in blood, as it says here, then I might get something out of it." Rossi shakes his head, but you grow angry at his attitude. "Look, you're the one who asked me to come here. Unless that reason was to be your company, then use the resources you have right in front of you."

You need Derek, Emily, and JJ out here immediately. If she messaged you twenty minutes ago, you can only imagine they're on the plane over here right now. It's only JJ, Derek, and Emily on the plane as Penelope stays behind. The entire A team is separated with no one left at the office to do the grunt work.

"You know, there's not really much to this file, Garcia," Derek says to Penelope over video chat.

"Oh, there's a latent fingerprint that's making a second run through APHIS as we speak. As soon as I get results, I'll let you know. Then, there's also apparently some crime scene notes that agent Rossi wrote up that I'm still spelunking for."

"So, he was at the actual crime scene with the local detectives?"

"Apparently. It could be why it bothers him so much. It would make sense why he would bring Y/N. A case that cold is no match for someone with Y/N's abilities. This was clearly a bad one. The weapon was a long-handled axe."

"Yeah, but we've seen worse since he's been back," JJ points out.

"There's nothing else cross-referenced. Are there no other crimes tied to this?"

"No, nothing," Penelope answers Emily. "I mean, certainly nothing with these signature elements."

"Okay, so it's a double homicide, but a single occurrence with no apparent issue of state lines? Was there a request from the local authorities for the FBI's help?"

"I don't think so."

"Then why is this a BAU case?"

"I don't think it was."

"Alright, Garcia, I want you to double-check any other unsolved murders in Indiana or the surrounding states near this time. Something this brutal doesn't feel like a one-time thing.

"You've got it."

"What is it about this case? Why is he so focused on this one?"

Emily can't help but think why Rossi only asked for your help when he has a whole team at his disposal. You're still not sure why he chose you if he refuses your help. You're this close to leaving him alone in Indianapolis, but you really don't want to leave him high and dry.

"Rossi, you have to talk to me about this."

Rossi takes out his phone and calls Penelope, placing her on speakerphone. He wants your help, you can feel it, but he doesn't know how to ask for it.

"Agent Rossi?" Penelope answers.

"Anything come back on that print?"

"No, not matches. There is nothing on file. I'm sorry."

"What about my notes?"

"Those, I do have. Do you have a PDa? I can email them to you."

"He doesn't know what that is, Penelope," you say when you see the look on his face.

"Okay, is there a fax number where you're at?"

"I'm staying at the Palmer Hotel. I'll be there later. I don't have the number."

"Okay, I will find it."

Rossi hangs up on Penelope, and now is a good time to come clean about Derek, Emily, and JJ. He will find out sooner or later, and it's best if it's now.

"Rossi, there's something I need to tell you. Emily, Derek, and JJ are all concerned about you when you and I didn't show up for work this morning."

"You told them about this case?"

"We're all worried about you."

"Damn it! I asked you to keep this between us."

"No, you asked Penelope that. You never said anything about me." He glares at you, and you know you have to rip this part off quickly. "They're also coming here. I told them to come here."

"You did what? You know what, asking you to come here was a mistake."

Rossi turns and heads back to the car, but you're too pissed to let him get the final word in.

"You want to know why this case has been cold for twenty years? It's because you did it alone." Rossi stops walking and turns to face you, and he is not happy. "You never asked for help once, and it's arrogance like that that is keeping you from solving it. You need this team and fresh eyes, and you need to learn how to ask for help. If not for yourself, then for those kids. Twenty years is a long time to suffer, so why are you putting those kids through more pain? If you didn't want my help, then why the hell did you ask me to come with you?"

Rossi turns and gets into the car, leaving you behind. You know the way back to the hotel, but he needs to be alone. You cross your arms as he passes by you. It may be childish to leave you behind, and if Hotch were here, Rossi would get an earful.

You know exactly where he is going. The hotel isn't far since Rossi wanted the closest one to the house he bought. You could very well order yourself an Uber, but you'd rather walk back to the hotel. It will give you time to clear your head, and it will give Rossi some time to think about your words.

When you get to the hotel, you head straight for the bar. Rossi is sitting at the bar, like you expected, but his drink is untouched. He ordered something to drink, but he didn't want to touch it when he's this upset. Without a word, you sit next to him and cross your fingers together. Five minutes go by before he has the courage to speak.

"How can you help?"

"Things are different than they were twenty years ago, Rossi. It doesn't matter how much time has passed, I will always connect with energies and spirits. They fade over time, sure, but they never disappear completely. If I were to talk with these kids, I could use their trauma to paint a picture of what happened all those years ago. Their trauma could help me see who might have done this, and it could give me details about the unsub or details that may have been missed.

"You asked me to come here for a reason, Rossi. There is some part of you, no matter how small it may be, that believes in what I can do. All you need is to give me a chance."

Rossi catches the bartender's attention and orders another drink, sliding it over to you when it's ready. It's his way of apologizing to you without the need for words.

"If you're buying, I'm drinking," Emily says.

You turn to see Derek, Emily, and JJ walk into the bar.

"I don't think any of us could afford this place otherwise," Derek says. "We thought you could use some help."

"You're wrong."

"Rossi," you say in a mom-like voice. "What did we just talk about?"

"This isn't even a BAU case," Rossi pouts.

"Maybe not yet, but I can make anything a BAU case if I want to," JJ smirks. "It's about paperwork and I know the paperwork."

"Why do you care?"

"Because you do."

"Use them, Rossi. We're here for a reason. That's what family is for."

Rossi sighs and leaves his drink at the bar, heading to a booth that is more fitted for five people.

"I was here for a serial rapist in '88. It was pretty short work. The day after we collared him, a local detective was driving me to the airport. He hears a call on the walkie of kids screaming in a house not far from where we were. He asks if I mind taking the job with him. We were first on the scene. Inside we found the axe had been left behind, but it had been wiped clean. It turns out it belonged to the family. The oldest daughter, Connie, told me her father bought it on Christmas Eve a few months earlier to cut down the Christmas tree. Now, I always associate the whole thing with Christmas. I've never been able to put a tree up myself again."

"He never hurt the kids?" JJ asks.

"Not physically. He only hurt the parents and then left."

"Using a weapon he found at the scene and not eliminating all of the potential witnesses makes him disorganized," Emily says.

"But he left no evidence, which means he's organized."

"There was a fingerprint," JJ points out."

"It was behind the bedroom door. I don't even think he knew it was there. There should have been prints in other places, but they were wiped clean. That one good print was not a match anywhere. I've been over this a million times. I keep thinking, if there was just one more piece, one more thing to go on, then I'd be able to figure it out."

"He might be dead," Derek suggests.

"I have to be sure."

"Rossi, if he's dead, you may never really know."

"When we arrived on the scene before any of the other units got there, I could hear them before I even got out of the car. It was a warm morning, and the windows were open in the upstairs bedroom. Their voices floated out into the street. They were crying and calling for their mommy and daddy. Three terrified children screaming for their murdered parents. I've seen so much death and pain, but that sound... It's been twenty years and I can still hear them screaming every night... crying. If I can't tell them for sure that whoever's responsible will never do it again... that screaming might never stop."

"There is only one way to stop it, Rossi. Let me talk to the kids. I guarantee you, I will get something that you might have missed. I just need to talk to them."

"Okay," Rossi whispers.

x

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[donald4spiderman]

this is like perv!spencer but ...

When he found out that your nipples were pierced, he bought you a pair of jewels for your tits, so (as a form of gratitude) you asked him if he wanted to put them on you.

um... absolutely yes yes yes

TW: piercings, nipple play???, kissing, implied sex, perv!spencer

Spencer doesn’t think it’s a good idea, but Derek encourages him to buy the pair of small nipple rings for you when they’re out shopping for Penelope’s birthday gift.

He’s only been dating you for four weeks, which have been arguably the four best weeks of his life. You’re amazing— a wonderful, kind, kindred spirit who always knows how to ease the tension after a long workday or offer up a joke to make Spencer smile. You’re hilarious and competitive and completely perfect in his eyes.

“Is it, I don’t know, too soon?” Spencer mumbles as he and Derek wait in the register line.

He scoffs, “You’re not marrying her, Reid. It’s just a pair of nipple rings.”

“How can you say that so casually?” Slightly embarrassed, Spencer whisper-yells to Derek, who chuckles in response.

Derek shrugs, “I don’t know. It’s not a big deal— It’s just jewelry.”

“Yeah, but it’s not... regular jewelry, you know? God, what if she thinks I’m a creep!”

“Why would she think you’re a creep? I mean, you’ve seen her boobs, right?”

Now, it’s Spencer's turn to gasp. “Yes— of course I’ve seen her boobs— She’s my girlfriend. And, hey! Stop talking about my girlfriend’s boobs!”

Derek doesn’t have time for his clever retort before the friendly cashier is ringing up Spencer’s purchase. Derek drops Spencer off at his apartment with a quick goodbye and “She’ll love them.”

You’re inside waiting on the couch; your cat Jinx curled up into your lap as you watch a rerun of Law and Order.

“Hey!” You greet as Spencer sets his bags down on the table. “How was your day out on the town?”

“It was fun!” Spencer smiles, seating himself on the couch next to you. “We got Penelope a nice pair of very flamboyant high heels.”

“I’m sure she’ll love them.”

“Oh,” Spencer interrupts his train of thought. “I-I actually got you um something. You don’t have to like it or keep and if you want to return it I understand—“

“Spencer.” You laugh. “Just slow down for a little bit, okay? I’m sure I will love whatever you got me.”

“Okay.” He nods, retrieving the box from his messenger bag.

You eye the box in his hand curiously. “Y-you know how you h-have uh your n-nipples pierced?” He stammers. You nod. “W-well, I was in a store, and I saw these, and I-I thought they were um nice for your nipples— f-for you!”

“Okay, now I’m curious as to why you were even in a store that sells nipple jewelry, but I’m sure my question can wait.” You grin. “Now show me the damn thing.”

Spencer’s shaky fingers open the box, revealing two silver nipple rings. They’re lightweight but not fragile, and they even glimmer in your dingy apartment lighting.

“Woah, Spence. These are beautiful.”

“Really?” His voice is both surprised and skeptical. “You like them?”

“Absolutely. These are so much nicer than the ones I have now. I don’t even want to know how much these things costed because damn!”

Before Spencer can relish in his accomplishment, you’re sliding your T-shirt off your torso, tossing it to the side—bare chest and jewelry-cladded nipples on full display for Spencer. He feels oddly voyeuristic watching your bare form, already turned on without the implication of any sexual gratification.

“Let’s put them on!” You suggest, taking the box from Spencer’s hands. “Or, do you wanna do it for me?”

He shakes the images clouding his mind— rolling your nipple between his fingers as he kisses down your neck, sucking on them as you work your hand up and down his shaft— he’s fucked.

“S-sure.” He stutters.

“You have to take them out very gently, okay? And then we can slip these new ones in, sound good?”

“Uh huh.” Spencer mutters, all too focused on your tits.

His dexterous fingers carefully pull out the gold piercing, setting them aside in the box so as not the lose them. He makes it a point to accidentally caress your boob, emphasis on accidentally, even though you know he’s having too much fun with this.

By the time both of the previous rings are removed, Spencer forgets what he’s even supposed to be doing, too occupied with massaging and pawing at your breasts lightly.

“Spencer, baby.” You smile. “Are you gonna put the new ones in?”

That seems to snap him out of his trance, “Oh y-yeah.”

You understand why your boyfriend’s an engineer when he swiftly and nimbly placed the new rings through your nipples with ease. He looks pleased with his work (and your breasts), opting to take a long gander at them.

“You know,” You push his back onto the couch, climbing on his lap. “I’m starting to think you bought me these so that you’d have an excuse to touch my boobs.”

“Ah, you caught me.” Spencer feigns disappointment. “At least my plan sort of worked.”

You place a chaste kiss on his lips, working quick to unbutton his shirt. “Next time,” You bite your lip once the last button is opened, “Just ask.”

[parkerslatte]

A Little Convincing

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: Derek tries to convince Spencer to propose to Y/N but Spencer isn't sure she wants to get married.

MASTERLIST

***

“She’s not going to say yes.” Spencer said as he collected his things to go home. Y/N had left a while ago since she had finished all of her work so Hotch allowed her to leave early. Spencer, however, still had paperwork to get through so he was one of the last people leaving. Y/N said she would wait for Spencer to finish so they could go back to their apartment together but he refused, not knowing how long he was going to be. 

“Of course she is,” Derek reassured Spencer, “Why wouldn't she?”

“She’s never even talked about getting married. What if she doesn’t want to marry me? What if when I ask, she leaves me?” Spencer said.

“Kid, you’ve been together five years, she’s not gonna leave you.” Derek tried to calm Spencer down again.

“You don’t know that,” Spencer said, slinging his bag over his shoulder, “I should get going.” Without another word, Spencer left.

Over the course of the next couple of days, Y/N had noticed a shift in Spencer’s behaviour. She found it strange since he wasn’t normally like that but she guessed that it was down to stress. Even if it wasn’t that, Y/N wasn’t going to push him, she would let him tell her in his own time.

Obviously Derek had also noticed the shift in Spencer’s behaviour and he knew the exact reason why, unlike Y/N. He tried to question him about it multiple times but every time Spencer would either change the subject or drop the conversation entirely. Derek was sick of his friend feeling the way he was so he tasked Penelope to bring up the topic of marriage around Y/N.

After a few days of Spencer acting strangely and Y/N giving him space, Penelope decided that now was the perfect time to bring up the topic around Y/N. She sat with Penelope while she ate her lunch, keeping the blonde woman company. Penelope had searched up wedding rings online and began scrolling through them hoping it would catch Y/N’s eye. 

Y/N looked up from her lunch to Penelope’s screen and her eyebrows furrowed, “Why are you looking at wedding rings?” 

“Oh they’re all just pretty and shiny. It distracts me from the dead bodies I see on the screen everyday.” Penelope stated.

Y/N’s eyes narrowed slightly, she knew Penelope wasn’t telling her the full truth but she decided not to ask. She only took a seat next to Penelope and looked at them with her. 

“Oh, that one’s nice!” Y/N exclaimed, pointing to one of the rings on the screen, “I bet it would look great on my finger as well.” Y/N held her hand up and looked at her finger and the screen, imagining what the ring would look like on her finger.

“I thought you didn’t want to get married?” Penelope asked.

“Oh no, of course I do one hundred percent,” Y/N said before sighing, “I just don’t think Spencer wants to get married. He hasn’t brought the topic up in conversation at all. I couldn’t imagine marrying anyone else other than Spencer. I want to start a family with him too, I know he wants kids and I want them as well, but I’m just not sure he wants them with me. ” 

“Of course he wants to marry you, who wouldn’t?” Penelope said, causing Y/N to smile, “And he wants to start a family with you, he loves you so much.”

Y/N gave Penelope a small smile, “Thanks. Anyway, I should get back to work, see you later, Pen.” After Y/N left the room, Penelope sent a picture of the ring that Y/N liked straight to Derek. 

Derek heard his phone buzz. He looked down at it and saw a picture of a ring with a message. She likes this one. Derek looked over at Spencer who was completely engrossed in his work. He messaged Penelope that he would take Spencer to get the ring after work. 

Later that day, Hotch allowed everyone to go home early due to most of the work being complete. Spencer shot up ready to leave as quickly as possible but Derek approached him.

“Pretty boy, you and I are going out.” Derek said, placing a hand on Spencer’s shoulder guiding him away.

“Why? I was going to leave with Y/N.” Spencer said, looking around for his girlfriend. 

“She’s leaving with Penelope, JJ and Emily, they’re having a girl’s night. I overheard them talking about it.” Derek hadn’t heard them talk about having a girls night, all he knew was that Penelope was going to do something with Y/N while he and Spencer went to buy the ring. 

“But-” Spencer tried to walk away from Derek once again, but Derek had a firm hand on his shoulder. 

“No, no, we’re going out.” Derek said and before Spencer knew it, Derek was driving him to a jewelry store.

“What are we doing here?” Spencer asked, a confused expression gracing his features.

“Getting this. You brought money right?” Derek said, holding up his phone to show the picture of the ring Penelope sent him earlier that day.

“What? No, no. We’re not getting that. Derek I told you, she probably doesn’t want to marry me.” Spencer said, and began to walk away from Derek, slightly annoyed that he had brought him here.

“I can assure you she wants to marry you, Reid.” Derek said, looking at his friend who had stopped in his tracks.

“And how do you know that? Did she tell you? Because why wouldn’t she tell me.” Spencer said.

“I just know okay, but she does want to get married. I can promise you that.” Derek said.

Spencer was silent for a moment. He looked at the photo on Derek’s phone and looked at the jewelry store they were standing in front of. Spencer sighed before taking the phone from Derek and walking into the store. Before her could change his mind, he bought the ring right away and threw away the receipt. 

When Spencer exited the store with the small velvet box in his hand, he couldn’t help but smile. If Derek was right about Y/N wanting to get married, he was going to marry the love of his life. However, if he was wrong, then Spencer would just be left with the constant reminder that Y/N didn’t want to marry him. 

Derek clapped Spencer on the back, a smile on his face as well, “Now there’s only one thing left to do.”

***

Y/N was sitting on her desk, she had left with Penelope but they had quickly returned when Penelope said that she had forgotten something. Y/N fiddled with the bracelet around her wrist. It was the bracelet Spencer got her for their one year anniversary. Since it had been placed on her wrist, she hadn’t taken it off much. It was one of her most prized possessions. 

Y/N’s mind drifted to Spencer. She was confused as to why Derek was so eager to leave with him since Y/N and Spencer planned on leaving and going out for dinner. He had been acting strange for the last couple of days so Y/N had made dinner reservations. She thought it would help him relax. Penelope reassured her that Derek only needed Spencer’s help with something. 

Somebody cleared their throat causing Y/N’s to snap her head up. Spencer stood there clutching his bag strap. Y/N smiled as she approached him. She pecked his lips before taking his hands in hers. 

“I thought you needed to help Derek with something?” Y/N asked.

Spencer cleared his throat again, “It’s all sorted out.”

“Oh well, if it’s all sorted out do you still want to go out for our dinner, I’m sure Penelope won’t mind.” Y/N said, lacing her fingers with his.

“Of course, I’d love to,” Spencer said, suddenly feeling nervous, “But there’s something I need to do first.”

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed at Spencer’s sudden change in demeanor, “Are you okay? You seem nervous.” 

“I’m fine, it’s just that I, um, I want to ask you-” Spencer cut himself off, suddenly at a loss for words, which didn’t happen often.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Y/N placed her hand on Spencer’s forehead, “You’re not coming down with anything, are you?”

“No, I’m fine, don’t worry,” Spencer sighed, “I just wanted to ask you if you would marry me?”

Y/N slowly removed her hand from Spencer’s forehead, “What?”

“I asked if you want to marry me?” Spencer said, with some more confidence.

A smile broke out across Y/N’s face, “You’re asking me to marry you?” She said happily.

Spencer smiled slightly, “Yeah.”

“Of course I’ll marry you!” Y/N exclaimed, wrapping her arms around Spencer’s neck and pulling him in for a hug, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck.

Spencer wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her close to his body, breathing out a sigh of relief. The two stood there for a while before someone cleared their throat. The two broke away from each other and found their entire team standing there with smiles on their faces. No one said anything for a moment before Derek spoke up.

“The ring?” 

Spencer’s eyes widened before he reached into his bag and pulled out a small velvet box. He opened it to show Y/N the ring and she gasped before looking at Penelope, “You!” Penelope only smiled, her eyes glistening with tears. She was beyond happy for her friends. 

Spencer took the ring out of the box and slid the ring onto Y/N’s finger. He brought her hand up to his lips and placed a kiss on her knuckles. Y/N placed her hands on either side of Spencer’s face before bringing him closer, connecting their lips. Their team cheered for them but all Y/N and Spencer could focus on was each other. 

They pulled away after a moment and smiled at each other, “I know it wasn’t the perfect proposal-” Spencer started but he was cut off.

“It was perfect to me.” Y/N said before she pressed her lips to his once again.

[uncpanda]

To Change a Name

AN: It’s been a while since I wrote something for Spencer. Hopefully you enjoy this. 

The apartment is strangely quiet. That’s the first thought that runs through Spencer’s head as he drops his keys in their designated bowl, and tosses his go bag to the side. Usually, you’re up by now, puttering around, and if he’s really lucky, you’re usually baking something. And yet, despite it being nine am on a Saturday morning, you’re nowhere to be seen. He checks the bedroom, where the bed is unmade, but you’re not there. Then he checks the bathroom, where the towels are damp, but once again, you’re not there. At least those are signs you’re alive. 

He’s just about to call you when he hears the door jiggle. Your voice rings through a second later, and then, there you are with a . . . “Is that a dog?” 

You beam up at him, “Yes.” 

He crosses his arms and stares down at the dog. It’s some sort of pitbull, he’s pretty sure. At the very least it has all the characteristics. He’s black with a white spot on the chest and another one on his nose. He’s a wiggling, happy mess. 

He looks back at you and rephrases the question, “You bought a dog?”  

“Adopted.” You correct, “So three days ago, I was walking through the park, during the afternoon, not at night, in fact never at night, not since you gave me those statistics. . .” He listens to you babble for a few seconds and he feels the smile coming on. “Anyways, there was this adoption event going on, and that’s when I met Logan.” 

“Logan?” 

“He’s not a baby Spence, I can’t just change his name, that would be rude. Plus it’s kind of cool, kind of like Wolverine.”  There’s a moment of silence before you ask, “Is something wrong?” And then, before he can answer, you say, “Because he’s house trained. And he’s really sweet. Like super sweet. And there were just so many dogs Spencer, and Logan came right up to me, and then he licked my hand . . . and I just had to bring him home.” You stare at him, “Say something.” 

He does, “Are we allowed to have a dog? Because we struggle to keep plants alive.” 

You sigh, “That is actually a good point. I have alarms set on my phone, and I have his schedule up on the fridge. I’ve also looked into dog walkers for days when we’re out of the house a while.” 

Spencer shrugs, “Doggy day care might be an option too?” 

“Agreed. But I don’t want to do that just yet. You know he just got here, and I don’t want him to think we’re abandoning him or anything. Speaking of which, I should introduce you,” You kneel down next to the dog, and scratch his ears, “Logan, this is Spencer, he’s your dad. He travels a lot, but when he’s gone he calls a lot. I’ll make sure that he can talk to you when he’s gone.” 

Spencer has no doubt that you’ll have him talking to this dog in the middle of a case, he wonders how bad Derek is going to tease him for this. Then you beam up at him and he finds himself walking towards you and the goofy dog. He folds himself down next to the two of you and a second later Logan is in his lap, his tail thumping against his leg. Then he finds himself being propelled backwards as the dog licks his face and he can’t help but laugh. 

He’s able to keep Logan a secret for three weeks, right up until his phone lights up with a text from you. He and the rest of the team are on the plane flying out to the middle of nowhere. They’ve just finished reviewing the case, and he’s reciting statistics in his head when you send a picture of you and Logan . . . and Logan is wearing duck printed pajamas. He can’t help but burst into laughter and draw the attention of everyone else on the plane. 

Derek is quick to snatch his phone away, and then looks at him, “You and Y/N got a pitbull?” 

“His name’s Logan.” 

JJ’s brow furrows, “Logan?” 

He shrugs, “It was his name. We couldn’t change it, it would have been rude.” 

Rossi looks over Derek’s shoulder at the picture, “He’s wearing pajamas .  . . with ducks on him.” 

“Yeah. He’s living his best life. In fact I’m pretty sure that dog lives a life better than most humans.” 

There’s another moment of silence before Derek simply asks, “When can we  meet pretty dog?” 

[babymetaldoll]

Birthday wishes (Spencer Reid/ Reader)

Requested: Nope

Summary: Spencer overthinks Reader’s birthday present ‘cos he doesn't know if they are dating or not

Warnings: No… maybe a few sexual references but nothing too explicit. 

Category: Pure sweet, delicious fluff 

Word count: 3,2K

Part II

Masterlist

.

What makes a relationship official? Are you just "going out" o "just seeing each other" after five dates? Five incredible, unique, perfect dates? or do you have to ask: "Would you be my girlfriend?"

Spencer rolled in bed and kept asking himself questions he couldn't answer. Were he and (Y/N) a couple? So far, he hadn't asked, ‘cos he was scared, which made no sense, ‘cos he had already asked her out and they had already kissed. Besides, they had already met for five years, which meant, well, it felt like they were already a little ahead on the "getting to know each other" part.

So, after five dates, were they already dating? Were they exclusive? Could he tell her he loved her? No, probably no. Who could he ask about it? No one in the team knew what was going on between them. They didn't want to tell them. It was too soon. Besides, Spencer didn't even know if they were an actual couple.

Reid kept rolling in bed. It was already three in the morning. He was overthinking everything, and he knew it. But it was (Y/N)'s birthday, and the present he had for her was hunting him. He couldn't shake the thought he had gone a little too far with it. He wanted to give her that present ever since he saw it, months ago. He bought it and kept it hidden in his closet. He had no idea why he was hiding it if no one was ever in his house. No one but (Y/N), but she never went through his things. If so, she would have found the picture of her he also had hidden in his drawer.

It was a picture of the two of them sitting together at the round table in the BAU conference room. They were eating a cupcake, and their lips were covered in frosting. They were laughing. They were happy. It was Penelope's birthday, and they had thrown her a surprise breakfast celebration. JJ had taken that picture, and secretly, Spencer asked her for a copy.

When they were just friends, he didn't overthink that present, he just got it for her. But now everything was different. And he was scared of every movement he did around her, terrified he could frighten her away.

- "Stop!"- he commanded himself and closed his eyes. He had to sleep at least an hour, or the rings under his eyes were going to scare (Y/N) away. Not like she hadn't seen him looking like he hadn't slept before.

.

Penelope had baked a gigantic Halloween themed birthday cake, ‘cos he knew (Y/N) was a sucker for horror movies. It had pumpkins, a Jason mask, and a knife stabbing the cake. It was perfect. JJ and Emily brought presents and more food. Everyone had helped to make sure her day was special. Derek decorated her desk with balloons and confetti, got her a funny birthday paper crown, and wrote "pretty girl" with his terrible handwriting. It was adorable. She was like a little sister to him, and he just wanted to make her smile.

And Reid, well, he… he was all over the place. Hanging more balloons all over the bullpen and making sure all the food was ready. He actually got there an hour and a half earlier than everybody, just to make sure everything was set.

No one got how he could think he was fooling them about his feelings for (Y/N). To be fair, he wasn't trying at this point. He was now too concerned not to scare her away by accidentally saying "I love you" or saying they were in a relationship, ‘cos he didn't know if they were. All those things Spencer could quickly fix asking, but he was too scared to ask.

.

- "Happy birthday!!!"- Penelope yelled as soon as (Y/N) set foot outside the elevator. She was greeted by her friend's tight hug, and along came the rest of the team.

- "Thank you so much!! Thank you!"- she was moved by all the love they gave her, they were her family far from home, and they meant the world to her.

- "Hey! happy birthday"- Spencer was the last one to hug her; he waited until everybody had walked back to the conference room. She smiled and bit her lips as he moved a step closer and wrapped his arms around her.

Those arms made her feel safe and loved, and it was an addictive sensation; she didn't want to quit. She was a self-declared addict to Spencer Reid, and the latest weeks had been the best of her life. But she still felt she was walking on eggshells around Reid. She loved him so much, and she was scared, 'cos she thought she might say it too soon. Was it too soon considering they had known each other for the last five years? she had been in love with him for the last four and a half years. But yes, it was too soon.

They hadn't even had sex yet.

Sex with Reid. That was a thought that had kept her awake many nights. It kept coming to her mind, especially when he held her the way he was doing now. She could feel herself melting to his touch, and the idea of feeling his skin against hers, the idea of being naked with him. The thought of having him inside of her was too much to process. If kissing him was breathtaking, having sex with him had to be heaven.

- "So, happy birthday"- he repeated and smiled at her, still holding her tight but now staring at her blushed cheeks.

- "Thank you"- she giggled nervously and looked down

- "I hope you are hungry, ‘cos we've got a whole breakfast party ready for you"- she nodded, but neither of them moved- "Garcia really went overboard with everything she brought…"

Why would Reid hide the fact he had gotten half the things on that table? Something inside him kept forcing him to hide his true feelings for (Y/N) 'cos he was still sure she would reject him. Again, they had been into five dates, held hands, kissed, looked at each other with puppy eyes for hours over dinner. Why did he feel he needed to hide his feelings?

- "And maybe we could go out tonight…"- he whispered as they walked to the conference room- "I would love to take you out for dinner on your birthday"- (Y/N) turned to him with the brightest smile and nodded.

- “Sounds like an excellent plan”

.

- "And where's your present, pretty boy?"- Derek asked Reid frowning after (Y/N) finished opening all the presents the team had gotten her.

- "I…"- he had an awful excuse- "I left it at home, I'm sorry."

No one was ever going to believe that. He knew it

- "I was…. well, I had a lot of things to bring, and I left it on my table, but I'll bring it over later, ok?"- (Y/N) just nodded and smiled, thinking they had a date later. But the rest of the team was confused. Reid would never forget something. Never, eidetic memory, he was doomed.

- "Are you ok?"- JJ walked to him as they cleaned the table after breakfast and looked at him, worried.

- "Yeah, why?"

- "You look nervous"- Spencer even stuttered to answer

- "I, I, I'm not nervous, JJ, I don't know what you are talking about"

- "Spence, come on… tell me, what is it? What happened with (Y/N)? why didn't you bring the present you had for her?"

Reid sighed. He knew he could trust JJ. He was just… ashamed of sharing his feelings with someone.

- "I didn't forget it"- he whispered- "I want to give it to her later."

- "Later? when?"- he stayed quiet for a few seconds and then took a deep breath

- "Wehaveadatetonight"- Spencer slurred and closed his eyes, ‘cos he didn't want to look at JJ's face

- "What? Sorry, I couldn't understand that"- he sighed, frustrated

- "I said, we are goingoutonadatetonight"- it took her a second to understand it, but when she did, JJ wide opened her eyes and looked at her friend in shock- "Don't say a word"

- "But oh my god!! Spencer!"

- "Shh!! please don't say a word!"

- "Spence! It's huge! It's your first date!! When did it happen? when did you finally ask her?"

… And Spencer actually thought no one knew about his feelings.

- "It's not… our first date"- he whispered and looked at his shoes. JJ stood next to him in shock and hit his arm as her mouth fell open.

- "JJ, please, I'm just telling you ‘cos I trust you I don't want anyone else to know?"- he begged

- "How many dates so far?"

- "Six, including tonight."

- "Oh my god! are you two together??"- JJ was making her best not to yell, but she was in shock. However, she realized it was a sensitive subject for Spencer. She wanted to make her best not to make him feel uncomfortable.

- "We've been going out for a few weeks now, but…"- Spencer made a pause and sighed- "How do you know when you are in a relationship with someone?"

- "Usually, you talk about it… you haven't?"- his silence was too long, enough sign for JJ to get he hadn't had that conversation.

- "Ok, you should ask her, Spence. If you've been out on several dates already, it means she likes you the same way you like her."

- "But I love her…"- Reid looked at her friend with puppy eyes. He was honestly anxious about the whole situation and couldn't say another word.

- "She is crazy for you; you have to believe me"

- "I know she likes me, but it's nerve-wracking to feel you love someone who just likes you"

- "Believe me, Spence, she doesn't just like you"- he just sighed and nodded, not because he believed her, but because he didn't want to persuade that conversation. However, JJ wasn't going to let it go so quickly.

- "So… what did you get her?"

- "It's nothing, just something I thought she might like"- he tried to make it sound like it wasn't a big deal.... like he wasn't freaking out. But he was dying inside.

- "What is it?"

- "A necklace…"- JJ nodded, surprised- "And a ring"- surprise was not enough to describe her face. Shock might have been closer. Yes, JJ was in shock.

- "Are you going to…"

- "No! no, no, I'm not, I mean, it's too soon to…. I just don't want her to feel pushed, I bought her the present months ago, and I never thought we were going to be … well, whatever it is that we are now… that's why I need to know where we are now… I don't want to blow it."

Spencer bit his inner lip and pouted. He was upset, he was having a hard time explaining his feelings and his mind, and most of all, a hard time sharing what he was feeling. JJ smiled at him and simply shook her head, with an honest, proud look in her eyes.

- "I know it sounds scary, but the only way to know is asking her"- he just nodded and let out a deep breath. That wasn't the answer he was waiting for.

.

(Y/N) looked at herself in the mirror and smiled. She was glad no psycho killer had decided to start attacking innocent that night, ‘cos it meant she could actually go out on a date with Reid. Their sixth date. Usually, the sixth date meant sex for her. But she had no idea what it meant for Spencer, and she wasn't going to push him. She just couldn't shake the thought off her mind, but she had to. Thinking about sex with Reid was too much.

- "Wow"- that was all Spencer managed to say as soon as (Y/N) opened the door for him. He looked at her up and down. His eyes couldn't stop running through every inch of her skin. It was like the dress was hugging her body, wrapping her and following every curve of it. He couldn't believe someone so beautiful wanted to go out with him.

- "You look very handsome"- (Y/N) smiled and chuckled. Reid just shook his head and stared.

- "Come in, just let me get my purse and put on some shoes, and I'll be ready to go."

Spencer couldn't speak. He just nodded and watched her walking to her room. He couldn't even be subtle at that point. He couldn't and wouldn't stop staring. Not if she was going to look so hot.

The thought of having sex with his best friend was hunting his mind since they were on their third date. That was the very first time they made out on her couch. They hadn't even passed second base, but for Spencer, that had been enough to start fantasizing about how it would be, how it would felt, and… when it would be.

- "Buttercup?"- he asked and couldn't see (Y/N)'s wide smile as soon as she heard that word. She loved it when he called her cute names. It made her feel special and closer. She had always called him "honey" even before they started going out. After their second date, Spencer had finally seemed comfortable calling her that.

- "What is it, honey?"- she asked, walking out of her room, wearing her favorite shoes and carrying a tiny purse.

- "I just wanted to… give you your birthday present before we leave"- Spencer smiled at her, and she could tell he was nervous.

- "Sure… thank you, by the way."

- "I still haven't given you the present. Why are you thanking me for?"

- "‘Cos you organized the best breakfast celebration the BAU had ever seen"- she simply answered, and her smile stopped his heart for a second.

- "You deserve it"- he simply replied, standing right in front of her. He could only think about leaning in and kissing her, but he was so nervous, he just stared at her, feeling his hands sweating.

- "Are you ok?"

- "Yeah, it's just that… sorry, you look stunning, and I can't stop looking at you"- (Y/N) felt her cheeks burning red in a second. Spencer Reid had just told her she was beautiful. That wasn't something she was used to, but she would gladly live the rest of her days hearing him saying it.

Slowly, (Y/N) wrapped her arms around Spencer's neck and moved closer, not taking her eyes from his.

- "Can I ask for a birthday kiss?"- the way she whispered those words did things to Reid. Things he didn't know how to handle just yet. All he managed to do was to smile and reach her lips. It started like a sweet, loving kiss, but soon it changed. It was getting harder and harder for the two of them to hide their true feelings.

That kiss was screaming: "I love you." It was hungry and also filled with the deepest desire. It wasn't plain lust. It was the eagerness to feel the one you love as close as possible, for as long as possible.

- "Are these "birthday kisses" a limited edition, or can I keep asking for them for as long as I want?"- she murmured, rubbing her lips against his.

- "All the kisses you want, as long as you want them"- Spencer whispered and deepened the kiss as a soft moan left (Y/N)'s lips. That was music for him, the music he wanted to listen to all day long, if possible.

They had saved way too many kisses during those years. They could kiss forever, just to catch up. But there were dinner reservations and a present in between. So the kisses had to wait a little bit.

- "I got you this"- Spencer whispered and moved his lips from hers, smiling at the soft whine that came from her as soon as he did.

- "I thought about you when I saw them a few months ago ‘cos I knew you would love them, and I've been saving them for today"- he opened his satchel and handed her a small box.

- "Thank you, honey"- (Y/N) was blushing, trying not to show she was so nervous. It wasn't just because of all the kisses. It was because now she knew he had thought about her months ago, and got her a present. That was melting her.

(Y/N) was speechless when she opened the box. She looked at him. He was blushed and excited at the same time.

- "Spencer… you shouldn't have"

- "You deserve to have these; do you like them?"

- "Of course I do, you were right, I love them… would you?"- (Y/N) handed Spencer the necklace, and he clasped it around her neck. She looked at the ring and smiled, sliding it in her finger.

- "I didn't want you to feel I'm pushing you to…"

- "No, honey, it's ok. I know you didn't mean anything like that"- she was blushing as well, but loving the gesture- "It's beautiful, Spencer."

- "No, you are beautiful"- (Y/N) giggled at his words and sighed

- "No, you are beautiful"- she repeated and hugged him again.

Spencer looked at her in adoration and ran his fingers sweet and carefully down her rosy cheeks. 

- "I... wanted to ask you something"

- "What is it?"- that was it. It was now or never for Spencer.

- "Do you… want… do you want to be…"- Spencer was trying to say it without stuttering- "Would you be my girlfriend?"- her smile made him sigh relieved, as she leaned in and kissed him softly.

- "Of course I would…"- he held her closer and pecked her lips once, twice, three, four times, before cupping her face with both hands, deepening the kiss.

- "Do you want to know something funny?"- she whispered when Spencer rested his forehead on hers and looked at her in adoration

- "What?"

- "That was my birthday wish."

- "What?"

- "I wished you'd ask me to be your girlfriend."

Reid smiled and sighed. He held her hand and kissed it, speechless, thinking he had been a fool for holding that question for so long.

- "Do you want to know what I wish for right now?"- she whispered and smiled- "I'm wishing we were having dinner 'cos I'm starving."

Spencer chuckled and shook his head.

- "Come on, Buttercup, let's get you the best birthday dinner"- he walked with her to the door but stopped when he felt her pulling his arm. 

- "And do you think we could come back here after dinner?"

- "Sure, what do you have in mind? Wanna watch a movie?"- but she shook her head.

- "I wanna kiss you until I can't move my lips anymore"- she confessed- "Now that you are my boyfriend, I think I can say those kinds of things, right?

Reid was in shock, his mouth hanging open, his red cheeks burning. And his girlfriend - he loved the idea of calling her that - smiling in front of him.

- "Would you like to do that, doctor?"

 - "What if we ask for take-outs and stay on that couch all night long?"- he simply answered, finally not overthinking every word.

- "I thought you would never ask."

[shemarmooresfedora]

Rebuilding Family

Summary: Y/N and Spencer were college sweethearts at Cal-Tech but once Spencer got accepted to the FBI Academy, he ended things deciding it was not fair to make Y/N wait for him. When they meet again years later, he discovers something unexpected.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

A/N: THIS IS THE MOMENT YOU ALL HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR. PURE FLUFF AHEAD!!!

Masterlist

Chapter 24

The doorbell rang Friday night as you were popping popcorn in the microwave for family movie night.

“I’ll get it,” you called out, walking to the front door.

You opened it to see Penelope standing there. She immediately grabbed your hand and started tugging.

“You’re coming with me, soon-to-be Mrs. Reid,” she tried to drag you out of the house.

“Spencer! Code pink! Code pink!” you yelled.

You heard Spencer dashing towards the front door.

“You’re not taking her anywhere,” Spencer wrapped his arm around your waist.

“It’s bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other the day of the wedding,” Penelope stomped her high heel in protest.

“Yes, we knew you would say that so we bought these,” you and Spencer held up sleep masks, “Me and Spence will put these on before we go to bed. I’ll set my alarm 15 minutes before his so I will be up and out of the room, headed to Rossi’s before he even sees me. No bad luck and I still get to sleep with my fiancé, everyone’s happy!”

“I should have known you guys would find a loophole. You even had a whole code name,” Penelope huffed.

“I’m sorry, Pen,” you laughed, “I will see you in the morning.”

You gave her a big hug before she returned to her car.

“A brilliant idea if I do say so myself, Dr. Reid,” you grinned.

He leaned down to kiss you as Jo shouted “you’re missing Nemo.”

-

Beep. Beep. Beep.

You fumbled to swipe your phone alarm off without actually being able to see it.

Once you got it off, you felt Spencer’s arms tighten around you.

“Keep that blindfold on, mister,” you demanded.

“Don’t go,” he mumbled.

“Do you not want us to get married today?” you teased.

You felt Spencer’s arms slowly retract from around you after giving you one final squeeze.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” you giggled.

“Bye, love you,” he tried to kiss you but ended up kissing your nose.

You put your hand flat on his face to find his lips and then guided yourself to them.

“I can not wait to marry you,” you whispered after pulling away.

“10 hours,” he whispered back and you could feel his smile as you went in for another kiss.

You slowly got out of bed and crawled towards the door to avoid hitting anything. However, you slammed your head right into the door.

“Ouch!” you rubbed the top of your head.

Spencer sat up in bed, still with his blindfold on, “Love, are you okay?”

“Yep, I found the door,” you laughed, “I will see you at the aisle.”

“I can not wait to be reduced to a blubbering, crying mess in front of my closest friends and family,” Spencer smiled.

You felt around for the door knob and opened it, taking off your blindfold once you were out of the room. You picked up your bag that you had set outside your door with all of your skincare and makeup before heading out the door to Rossi’s.

By the time you had gotten there, the driveway was full of trucks and vans dropping off decorations and setting up the canopy and tables.

The second you rang the doorbell, you were pulled inside by JJ and Emily who were already in their dresses.

“You both look gorgeous!” you exclaimed as they dragged you up the stairs.

“Here’s a muffin,” JJ said as she sat you down.

Emily was already assessing your hair and combing it out.

“Penelope told us what you did last night,” Emily smiled, “I think it was extremely adorable.”

JJ nodded in agreement as she pulled the makeup products out of your bag.

“I would just feel weird if I was away from him for a night now since we are so used to being right next to each other. Speaking of Pen, where is she?” you asked.

“She needed to make sure they put the lattice trellis in the right place so the sun would set directly behind it,” JJ informed you.

You and Spencer would be getting married in front of a lattice trellis covered in vines and an assortment of flowers right at sunset.

“What would I do without her and you guys?” you laughed.

-

Spencer groggily answered the door to see Derek standing there, holding both of their tuxes.

“Ready to get married, Pretty Boy?” he grinned.

“Yes,” Spencer rubbed his eyes to wipe away the tiredness, “Let me wake Jo up.”

Spencer walked back up the stairs and opened Jo’s door, sitting at the edge of her bed.

“Time to get up, Princess,” he whispered, “You get to wear your new dress today.”

Jo’s eyes shot open and she got out from underneath the covers, revealing she was already in fact in her dress.

“You got up already?” Spencer laughed, picking her up.

“I tricked you, Daddy,” she giggled.

“Yes, you did,” Spencer smiled, “There’s someone here to see you.”

“Uncle Derek!” Jo exclaimed.

“Jo!” Derek shouted, accepting the little girl into his arms, “Well, don’t you look nice. Auntie Penelope was telling me how excited she is to do your hair later.”

Jo nodded enthusiastically.

“You get ready,” Derek pushed the tux into Spencer’s arms, “I’ll get Jo breakfast.”

-

You stood at the back of the line in front of the glass double doors leading out to Rossi’s backyard.

As the violins and piano began to softly play, you heard Penelope say, “Jo, go see your Dad.”

The doors opened to let Jo out, holding her basket of white rose petals.

You sneakily watched from a nearby window as Jo took her job very seriously, throwing a handful of petals every other step and then taking a seat in the front row next to Henry and Will.

JJ, Emily, and Penelope all proceeded down the aisle one by one, standing on the opposite side of Derek and Rossi who were standing next to Spencer.

You ran back from the window to in front of the doors, grabbing your bouquet from the table. You had decided to walk down the aisle alone. Your parents were in the audience here to support you but you were your own woman, you didn’t need to be “given away” to Spencer.

The doors opened for the final time and you stepped out. Spencer turned to face you and you could see the tears already glistening in his eyes.

You smiled and mouthed ‘I love you’ as you walked down the aisle and he mouthed ‘I love you too’ as the tears quickly began to form in your eyes as well.

You took your spot in front of Spencer and Jo waved to you both which elicited a small chuckle from the crowd.

“Hi, baby,” you waved back.

You don’t even think Spencer noticed because his eyes were laser-focused on you.

“Shall we begin?” Hotch asked and you both nodded.

“I would like to thank everyone for being here to help Y/N and Spencer celebrate this special day in which they attest to their love for one another. Spencer, would you like to read your vows first?”

Spencer nodded, “I have never admitted this to her until now but the first time I spoke to Y/N is because I offered her a sweatshirt. I actually brought that sweatshirt to the library with me that day, hoping the pretty girl who was always shivering would finally have a reason to acknowledge me. That was the single best decision of my life. Unfortunately, a little over a year later, I made the single worst decision of my life by letting you go,” Spencer started to get choked up, “I honestly think my ‘genius’ title should be taken away for that alone. Somehow, I was graced with the opportunity to come back into your life even though I didn’t deserve it. And your life now revolved around one particular little girl that I grew to love more than I thought was ever possible. So, I just wanted to say scientists learn from their mistakes so while I can’t promise I won’t make any more in the future, I can tell you for sure that I will never let go again.”

“Oh wow,” you sniffled, taking a kleenex and your little journal from Penelope, “How am I supposed to top that?”

“I really don’t care what you have to say, you marrying me is more than enough,” he whispered.

“Oh my god, you’re still coming up with better vows than me on the spot,” you whispered back.

“Much like Spencer, I also wrote about our first encounters in college. Spencer and I quickly formed an unspoken agreement that we would always meet at the same table in the library. One night, when he was taking the time to repeatedly explain to me a calculus concept I just wasn’t getting even though I knew he had a paper due tonight, I thought to myself ‘this one is too good to let get away’. So at our next meeting, I ordered takeout from his favorite restaurant and set up a little dinner for us. It was all worth it when I saw him walk in with his textbooks only to be soon lost for words when I asked him if he would go on a date with me. I never really dated anyone in the time we were apart, I just had this feeling that our story was far from over and I’m so so glad that feeling was right. I promise I will never stop loving you, no matter what, because I don’t think I could even if I tried” you stated.

“Spencer, with this ring, do you take Y/N to love and to hold, to cherish and respect her in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, from this day forward?” Hotch asked.

“I do,” Spencer smiled as you slipped the band on to his ring finger.

“Y/N, with this ring, do you take Spencer to love and to hold, to cherish and respect him in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, from this day forward?” Hotch repeated.

“Absolutely I do.”

Spencer slipped the ring on your finger.

“By the power vested in me by the state of Virginia, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride,” Hotch smiled.

Spencer cupped your cheeks, pulling you as close as he could and kissing you deeply. Everyone cheered as you both interlocked your hands and headed down the aisle.

As soon as you were inside, Spencer pulled you in for a more passionate, sloppy kiss.

“I didn’t want an audience for that,” he grinned, pulling you back in.

“Bleh,” you heard Derek say, who had Penelope on his arm, “Do you guys need to go home already?”

“No, we can wait a few more hours,” you giggled but Spencer whined.

JJ and Will had offered to take Jo for the night so you and Spencer had the house to yourself. You had opted for just spending one night away from Jo rather than a long honeymoon. You were going to take a family vacation all together instead.

A few minutes later, you heard Penelope and Derek announce on the microphone, “Now introducing for the first time ever, Dr. and Mrs. Reid!”

You exited the glass doors once again, holding you and Spencer's interlocked hands up in the air as everyone cheered under the big white canopy with fairy lights.

“Please clear the dance floor for their first dance together as husband and wife,” Penelope smiled.

Bloom by The Paper Kites faded in as Spencer’s arms wrapped around your waist. You rested your head against his chest and wrapped your hands around the back of his neck.

You felt him rubbing small circles on your side with his thumb as he planted a kiss on the top of your head.

“I love you so much, my husband,” you whispered.

“I love you more, my wife,” he smiled.

You swayed gently back and forth until the music faded out. Spencer leaned down and kissed you as you stopped swaying. You completely forgot you were in front of an audience until you pulled away from Spencer and the crowd erupted into a cheer.

You looked into the audience to see Diana twirling Jo around in a circle. Luckily, an aid was able to bring her on such short notice.

After everyone had enjoyed the banquet, Hotch and Emily took the microphone this time.

“Time for the cutting of the cake!” they cheered.

You and Spencer both stood from the main table to go get the first pieces. You both held the knife together, cutting out two pieces.

You grabbed the plate that your slice was on and gently shoved it into Spencer’s nose, laughing as he pulled the plate away, his face covered in white frosting.

“You think that’s funny?” he grinned, grabbing his piece and pressing it into your face.

You continued your giggling fit as he cut another piece.

“Princess, come here!” he called out.

Jo ran up, eager to get a first taste of the cake and you and Spencer pressed another piece right into her face.

Jo stuck her tongue out and licked some off her face, “It tastes good,” she smiled as you and Spencer continued to laugh.

[sequinsmile-x]

Guardian

A mini fic, that is largely fluffy. Because lord knows we all need it. 

Words: 2.5k (not as mini as I first intended)

Warnings: Minor mention of injury, some curse words because of Emily’s potty mouth

Emily hated paperwork. It was, without a doubt, the most boring part of her job. She would usually spend days like this teasing Aaron, sending him texts throughout the day and watching him through the blinds of his office as he pretended not to react, letting the tension build until they got home. 

“Where is our fearless leader?” Penelope asks as she stands by Emily’s desk, a file in hand. 

“He’s at a parent teacher conference.” Emily answers, smiling at her friend. “Jack was thrilled that he was in town for it.” 

“You didn’t go?” Penelope asks, curiosity on her face. Their relationship was something that fascinated the rest of the team, Emily knew that. They always tried to tease details out of her, acting as if her and Aaron weren’t two intensely private people. It had only got worse since they had moved in together, a house they had bought for them both to have a fresh start in. 

“We thought it would be pushing it if both of us took the afternoon out.” Emily answers, almost feeling relief when her cell phone rings. “Agent Prentiss.” 

“I’m calling to speak to Emily Prentiss?”

“Speaking.”

“My name is Natalie, I’m a nurse at Saint Sebastian Hospital, you’re listed as the next of kin for Aaron Hotchner?” 

Emily felt like the air had been knocked out of her. “He’s my boyfriend. Is he ok?” 

“He was involved in a car accident this afternoon, he’s been brought in.”

“Oh my god.” Emily exclaims, feeling the eyes of the rest of the team on her. “His son, Jack Hotchner, would have been with him. Is he ok?”

“I’m really sorry ma’am, I’m not at liberty to discuss any other patients.” 

Emily bites back a retort, a demand to know about Jack, but she knows she won’t get anywhere over the phone. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” She hangs up the phone, tries to ignore the way her hands shake 

“Everything ok there, princess?” Derek asks, as Penelope places a hand on her shoulder. 

“Aaron’s been in an accident, Jack must have been with him but they wouldn’t tell me anything.” She stands, knocking Penelope’s hand off of her. “I need to go to the hospital, I need to see him.” 

“I’ll drive you.” Derek says, standing himself. 

“Derek, I’m fine.”

“Em, I am not letting you drive there. Ok? Hotch would never forgive me.” 

Emily looks at him and nods, letting him guide her out of the bullpen.

________________

She approaches the nurses station, her body practically vibrating with different worse case scenarios over what could have happened to Aaron and Jack. 

“Hi, I got a call about Aaron Hotchner.” She tries to keep her voice even and knows she has failed when Derek throws her a concerned look.

The nurse smiles reassuringly at her whilst looking at something on her computer. “He has just been sent back for some scans, but he’s doing ok. He was even arguing with my colleagues about how much he didn’t need to be here. He should be out in about 10 minutes.” 

Emily breaths out a sigh of relief at that and feels Derek pat her back. 

“See, Emily. Hotch is fine. Everything will be ok.” 

“What about his son, Jack? He would have been in the car with him.” Emily says, her eyes searching the waiting room for the young boy. 

“Are you his mother?” 

Emily falters. “No. I’m not. I’m his dad’s girlfriend. I live with them.” 

The nurse smiles at her again, but this time it seems forced. “I’m really sorry Ms…”

“Prentiss.” She says through slightly clenched teeth. “Agent Prentiss.” 

“Agent Prentiss.” The nurse corrects herself, a slightly nervous look on her face. “I can only let a parent or guardian see him. If you aren’t his mom I’m going to have to ask you to-”

“His mom is dead.” Emily says, harsher than she intended to. She blows out a breath before she continues, attempting to calm herself down a little. “His aunt, Jessica Brooks, is out of town.” Emily says, desperately trying to keep her cool. She reaches into her bag, pulls out her wallet and slams her driving license on the table between her and the nurse, pointing out her place of residence. “I live in the same house as him. I poured him a bowl of cheerios this morning.”

“Agent Prentiss.” The nurse says, her voice remaining so patient Emily wanted to vault over the table between them and hit her. “Be that as it may, you are not his legal guardian, so I cannot let you back there to see him until his father is here.” 

Emily has another idea, and reaches for the FBI credentials she has on her belt, but Derek stops her. His hand grabs her arm before she can threaten someone in a way that her boyfriend would have to reprimand her for as her boss later. 

“Princess, come on.” Derek says as he gently pulls her towards the waiting area. “Let’s just sit down and chill out.” 

Emily sits in one of the plastic chairs and puts her head in her hands, her elbows resting on her knees. Derek puts his hand on her back, rubs comforting circles between her shoulder blades. Time moves like syrup, and the fear of not seeing either Jack or Aaron burns through her. She eventually checks the time on her watch and blows out a breath. 

“This is fucking bullshit.” She seethes. “Jack will be back there by himself. God knows where Aaron is.” She says, her voice wavering at the mention of her boyfriend. “They said he’d only be 10 minutes at least half an hour ago.” 

“Jack will be fine.” Derek tries to comfort. “He’s a good kid.” 

“He is 8, Derek.” She bites at her thumb, worrying the cuticle between her teeth. “This is ridiculous. I live with him. I make him breakfast every morning.” 

“Pouring cereal into a bowl hardly counts as making breakfast, Em.” He says, trying to lighten her mood. She sharply turns her head to look at him, a warning look on her face that has him holding his hands up in surrender. “Ok I get it, no jokes.” 

She lowers her gaze back to her lap. “Do you know it’s me that Jack wants if he’s sick, or hurt?” She asks, and briefly looks at him to see him shake his head.”

“Em?” 

She looks up to see Aaron walking towards them. If Emily had been at 100%, if the fear coursing through her veins hadn’t been so sharp, she would have noticed the stiffness in his walk, how much pain he was clearly in. The relief that flooded through her was so fast she almost felt dizzy. 

“Aaron.” Emily was up and in his arms before she knew what was happening, hitting his body with a force that made him grunt, knocking the air out of him as she wraps her arms around him tightly. She pulls back. “Oh god, I’m sorry.” 

“Em, it’s fine. My ribs are sore, that's all.” He puts a hand on her lower back and stops her from pulling away any further, her eyebrow raised in disbelief. His voice is strained, discomfort laced through it. She lifts her hand to trace her fingers over a bandaged cut on his forehead just above his eyebrow. “My head hit the steering wheel.” He grabs her hand from his face and presses a kiss to her fingers, a promise that they will talk about it later, once they are home. “Where’s Jack?”

Emily scoffs, a look shot back at the nurse who was still at the nurses station. “They wouldn’t let me see him.” She clears her throat as she looks back at her boyfriend. “I’m not his guardian.” 

Another moment of silent discussion passes between them, something else they can talk about later when they are alone. When they are safe at home and their every move wasn’t being watched by Derek, curiosity on his face at how they were around each other that they both hadn’t missed. 

“He was ok when we came in.” He assures her, seeing how concerned she looked. “They were going to look at his arm, it looked broken.” 

Emily nods, some of the concern seeping away. Aaron links his fingers through hers and gives Derek a nod as they walk past him, a silent thank you for looking after Emily when he couldn’t. Aaron approaches the nurses station and clears his throat, getting the attention of the same nurse who Emily had spoken to earlier.

“I’d like to see my son, Jack Hotchner.” 

They are quickly taken to Jack who looks just as relieved to see them as they do to see him, and they sit with him as he gets an arm cast put on. Aaron sits in a chair, failing to cover the wince that escapes him as he lowers himself into it. Emily sits next to Jack on the bed, wrapping an arm around him and pressing a kiss to the top of his head as he tries to be brave, pretending he hadn’t been crying whilst waiting for them to come get him. 

Jack burrows into Emily’s side as the doctors gently wrap his arm, and she can’t help herself when she throws the same nurse who refused her access to Jack a look when she walks by the bay they are in. 

________________

Emily convinces Aaron to go grab a shower as she tucks Jack in for the night, his arm in it’s bright green cast resting on a pillow. It doesn’t take him long to fall asleep, the stress of the day taking all of the endless energy he usually had. Emily sneaks out of the room, gently pulling the door closed behind her as she goes. 

She sighs as she walks the short distance to the master bedroom, the shower still running in the ensuite. Emily sits on the end of the bed and puts her head in her hands, tries to force back the emotion that was threatening to overwhelm her, the knowledge of what she could have lost today settling over her now they were home. Emily hears the shower switch off and she blows out a breath, trying to centre herself.

Emily can’t stop the gasp that escapes when he walks out, just with a pair of sweatpants on, and she sees the extent of the damage for the first time. The bruise across his chest caused by the seat belt looked painful, his ribs almost black, clearly fractured.

“Aaron.” She says softly, her hand reaching out but stopping just shy of actually touching him. 

“It’s ok, Em.” He grabs the hand she's got hovering near him and intertwines their fingers, squeezes her hand in a way she’s sure is meant to be reassuring.

“Ok?” She asks, scoffing at him. “You clearly have broken ribs, Aaron.” She shakes her head at him, interrupts him when he tries to placate her again. “Nothing about today was ok.” 

Aaron cups her face in both hands, wiping away a tear that she wasn’t aware had fallen until his thumb stroked her cheek. 

“Emily, Jack and I are both fine.” He leans forward and kisses her forehead, and she brings her hands to his wrists, stroking the delicate skin there. “We’re a little banged up, but nothing that won’t get better.”

She nods against him. “I...I know I’m not his mother.” She pulls away to smile at him, and she bites her lip in an attempt to stop it from shaking. “But not being able to see Jack today really sucked. I live with him, I love him, Aaron. I should be able to see him when he’s hurt.”

“Em-”

“If you’d been hurt worse, or killed.” Emily feels more tears fall at that, shakes her head at herself. “I wouldn’t have been able to go to him.” 

“Emily.” He strokes her cheek again, a smile on his face that always calmed her. “I agree with you.” 

She furrows her brow, having clearly expected more of a pushback. “What?”

“We should make you his legal guardian. We probably should have done it when we got the house.”

“Really?” I don’t want you to think I’m trying to take Haley’s place.”

“Sweetheart, you have never done that. You love my son, and he loves you. It makes me love you more. We’ll get it sorted.” 

“I love you.” She says, leaning forward to kiss him, keeping it brief and laughing when she pulls away from him when he tries to kiss her again. “Don’t get any ideas, Agent Hotchner. Those ribs of yours have put you out of action for quite some time.” She laughs at him as she pulls herself out of his embrace. “I’m going to get changed for bed.” 

Emily grabs some pyjamas and busies herself in the ensuite, ignoring his shirt in the hamper that had his blood on it. She goes about her evening routine, takes off her makeup and brushes her teeth, piling her hair on top of her head in a messy bun. She sighs as she looks at herself in the mirror, taking in just how tired she looked. All she wanted to do was get in bed with her boyfriend, make sure he took a painkiller he’d probably attempt to say he didn’t need, and fall asleep. 

When she walks in and finds him sitting on the edge of his side of the bed, still only in his sweatpants, with a small velvet box in his hands it stops her in her tracks. 

“Aaron.” 

“I had a whole plan.” He says, looking up at her. He stays sat on the bed, and she knows it’s partially because he’d be in too much pain to stand up. “It seems silly now.” 

“It’s not silly.” Emily says, her throat feeling like it was constricting, the emotion rising in her chest. She stands in front of him, catches the hand not holding the ring box in hers. She links their fingers.

“I’d get down on one knee but I don’t think I’d ever get back up.” Aaron jokes, and it makes her choke out a laugh that becomes a sob on its way out. 

“That’s ok.” Emily sits next to him on the bed.

He opens the box and she gasps when she sees the ring. Simple, platinum band with a good sized single diamond. Exactly what she would have picked herself. 

“Emily, marry me.” 

She laughs. “I think it’s meant to be a question, honey.” 

Aaron smiles at her, his dimples out on display. “Will you marry me?” 

“Of course I will.” She replies, cupping his cheek in her hand. “Yes.” 

He kisses her, and she responds, pushing herself closer to him, her hand travelling to the back of his head. They both get lost in it for a moment until he groans in pain, making her pull back from him. 

“I didn’t think this all the way through.” He says, smiling at her as he pulls the ring out of the box and slips it onto her finger. “My plans involved celebrating with a lot of sex.” 

Emily laughs and rests her forehead against his. “All in good time my love.” 

[dimitrescus-bitch]

Sneaky (Addison Montgomery x Reader)

“Uh oh,” Derek said as he looked up from his chart to see you smiling awkwardly at him. “Dr. Grey, do you mind giving us a minute together?” 

“Of course.” You watched the intern leave and then Derek came and sat on the edge of your hospital bed. 

“Does Addison know you’re here?” Derek asked and you shook your head. “Does she know that you’re in Seattle?” 

“Yes, we’ve been spending quite a lot of time together Derek. That’s why you will not let that woman know I am in a hospital bed awaiting brain surgery,” you told Derek. “Also it’s why you’re gonna do your best on me because if she goes home and I don’t get to be there with her, it’ll destroy her.” 

“I’ll do everything I can for you,” Derek said and you hugged him. “You mean a lot to me too. So, I need you to push yourself to make it through this too.” 

“I will. She wants things from me that I gotta be there to see,” you said with a small smile. Derek left you and then Dr. Grey came back to prep you for surgery. You hadn’t listened to the words that Derek had said because you’d been through enough of medical school to know the meaning of the words he was using. It was bad, that was all you knew and all you didn’t want Addison to know.

Addison knew too much already. She knew you were tired and forgetting a lot lately. She knew that you hadn’t been painting or drawing anything lately. She knew that you’d been ordering room service more often than normal. You were just lucky that she hadn’t been there to see you fall yet. You were glad she hadn’t been the one to call the ambulance because you didn’t want to tell her something was wrong with you. 

“What’s with the face?” Addison asked Derek as she walked up next to him at the OR board. “Friends talk right?” 

“Difficult surgery,” Derek said and Addison tilted her head at him. “It’s somebody I know. They’re important to me and to other people.” 

“There’s a lot riding on it, isn’t there?” Addison asked and Derek nodded. “You’ll get through it, so will your patient.” 

“She’s a strong woman, stronger than I realized,” Derek said and Addison nodded. After he booked the OR, he sent Meredith in to prep you. “Talk to her, make sure she’s doing okay for me, please?” 

“Of course,” Meredith agreed. She walked into your room to see you tracing something on your forearm. “So, how long have you known Derek for?” 

“Since I interned for his wife in college and the beginning of medical school,” you said and Meredith nodded. “He was surprisingly okay with me being in love with her.” 

“You and Addison?” Meredith and you nodded. “I didn’t realize she liked women.” 

“She didn’t either. God, she hated me for awhile. Luckily, when I dropped out of medical school to become an artist, my pride was sold to pay for those pesky student loans,” you joked. “Some stuff went down and I followed her here. Well, she bought me a plane ticket and some rain boots. They’ve got little ducks on them.” 

“Sounds very cute,” Meredith said with a chuckle. “Derek, he knows about the two of you now?” 

“Oh yeah, seeing me on the ferry was a dead giveaway. Seattle is not my plan, but Addison can change things like that,” you said and Meredith smiled. You saw her get a needle out and you pushed your arm out so she could give you an IV. You were put to sleep and then brought to the OR. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“Were you actually planning on telling me or not Derek?” You could hear Addison’s voice just outside your little curtain. You quietly slipped out of bed and tried to take a step, but stumbled and nearly fell. Derek caught you and put you back in your bed as Addison came to sit by you. “A moment alone please.” 

“I’m sorry,” Derek said to you as he bolted out of the room. Addison grabbed your chart and looked at it, frowning when she read through what you’d said were your symptoms and your diagnosis. 

“How long has this been going on?” Addison asked you. “These problems?” 

“I couldn’t tell you, but it’s over. He took it out and I’m fine Addie. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but you worry a lot and I didn’t wanna give you an ulcer or something,” you told her. 

“At least you should be making a full recovery,” Addison said with a small smile. “And after that, we can start looking for a house.” 

“A house and maybe we could take a trip to see Naomi to get us pregnant,” you suggested. “I’ll carry if you propose.” 

“Bold of you to presume that I want to marry you,” Addison said with a small chuckle. “Especially after this stunt today.” 

“You’ve got a ring picked out and we both know it, so just pop the question. Given the circumstances,” you said and Addison sighed. You watched her pull a necklace out from her pocket. 

“You hate rings, so I thought a necklace until our big day. Y/n, you sneaky little idiot, will you marry me?” Addison asked you. 

“Of course I’ll marry you,” you said happily as you accepted the necklace. She put the necklace on you and then stood up. “Where are you going?” 

“Back to work. Dr. Grey will be back to check on you later,” Addison said as she began to storm off. 

“I’m getting a kiss, whether it’s from you or her, I don’t care,” you said and Addison turned and ran back to give you a kiss. 

“Don’t even joke about that.” 

[maxineswritingcenter]

You Saved Me - Derek Hale x fem!reader part 16

-----------------------

It was 2006, one of the last seasons for Beacon Hills Girls lacrosse. The other girls on the team and I fought hard but it would be over by the time my senior year rolled around. We thought if we had made it to the state championships, we would save it. Here’s to hoping. As team captain, all eyes were on me to make the season great. We were lined up on the field, ready for the toss up. I stared into the eyes of the opposing player, the girl’s eyes were determined. But so were mine, I glanced to the side at the bleachers. There was Uncle Noah, Stiles, and Scott, cheering me on. I was just happy Stiles came today.

I looked back up, just in time for the pearl toss, I scooped it from the air, immediately shoving passed the opposing player. I ran down the field, narrowly missing players looking to tackle. I threw the ball towards an open offensive player just as someone slammed me from the side. I grunted as I hit the ground, hearing the crowd wince. I got myself up on my arms and looked down the field. My player was able to get through the other team’s defense and scored the game winning goal. Coach Finstock laughed loudly, loud enough to be heard over the roar of the crowd. I stood up, raising my crosse in the air and shouted into the sky. I ran back to the bench, congratulating my teammates. But now I needed to see him. I pushed through the crowd, I looked around. As I got through the crowd, I was left alone. I was staring out into the woods. An eerie feeling came over me. There was something out there. 

“Hey!” Michael’s smiling face came into my vision, causing me to smile. 

“Hey.” I smiled, looking back at the crowd, “Have you seen Derek?”

Michael raised an eyebrow at me, “Who’s Derek?” I paused, asking myself the same question. 

“I don’t know.”

-

“So let me get this straight,” I said into the phone. I was on the phone with Stiles getting a recap of what had happened over the last couple days, “You stole a police transport vehicle-”

“We put gas in it!” 

“Of course, you did. You stole a transport van, filled it with gas, kidnapped Jackson to talk to him, left him in the woods. Jackson’s father, a lawyer, has issued two restraining orders against you and Scott.” I made sure to separate the kanima and Jackson. “Found out the kanima is being used by a ‘master’. Is that it?” Derek raised his eyebrows at the conversation.

“I was also grounded from Scott.” He added. 

“Unfortunate.” 

“When are you coming home?” He asked, hushing his voice a little, “I’m all for you living out your best werewolf life but I would rather you be home.” I motioned for the group of Derek, Erica, and Isaac to go ahead of me. 

“When I have the courage to face your dad. Or when my lie that I’m staying at a friend’s house doesn’t work anymore. Whatever comes first.” I sighed, “I’ll try to come home soon. I need to apologize.” After our goodbyes, I hung up the phone. 

After I stepped into the railway car, I made it just in time for our “pack meeting” to start. 

“So, why do we need their help?” Isaac asked. 

“Because it’s harder to kill than I thought, and I still don’t know who it is.” Derek said impatiently. 

“And they do?”

“They might. Which is why I need one of you to get on their good side.”

“Mmm. Scott or Stiles?” Erica hummed flirtatiously. Honestly, I don’t think she realizes she’s barking up the wrong tree, no pun intended. Scott was more focused on Allison than his own life and Stiles was in a persistent pursuit of Miss Lydia Martin.

“Either.” Derek sighed, probably fed up with her new found flirtatious nature.

“Good luck with that.” I said under my breath, causing the group to look at me, “What? The last time they saw you, you broke into Scott’s house and tried to kill them.” Isaac titled his head to the side and nodded a little in agreement. 

Isaac turned to Derek, “You know, the full moon's coming, Derek.”

"I'm aware of that.” Derek said irritably, he opened a large wooden chest, searching around for something. He pulled out dark, rusted chains. 

“Oh my.” Erica lifted up a bundle of them, “These look comfortable.” She said sarcastically. He quickly took them from her grasp and put them with the rest that he pulled out of the chest. 

“You said you were gonna teach us to change whenever we wanted.” Isaac said warily, eyeing the chains. 

“There hasn't been time.” He said. And truly he hadn’t had time. I had really been training myself on how to control the chains with what I was calling exposure therapy. Getting really mad and controlling the change before turning so I would be less likely to kill someone during a spout of road rage. 

“But if you have to lock us up during the full moon, that means... That means you're alone against the Argents.” Isaac said. 

Derek closed the lid of the chest, “They haven't found us.”

“Yet.“ Kid had a point, “So, how about we forget about the Kanima?”

“We. Can't!” He shouted in frustration. He sighed, “There was something about the way Gerard looked at it... He wasn't afraid, at all. I don't know what he knows, or what he's planning. But, I'm sure about one thing-- we have to find it, first.” 

“With Scott’s group.” I added, “We are stronger in numbers, that’s how the hunters work and that’s how we should work.” 

-

On the drive home to the Stilinski house, I really had to convince myself not to turn back around and go back to the depot. But Uncle Noah deserved an apology. He had taken me in, given me a fresh start and asked that I be safe in return. Yet here I was, fighting a lizard man with the threat of hunters on my tail, not to mention that I was a movie monster. I parked in the driveway next to his police cruiser and closed my eyes. My emotions were running high and it was hard to keep my eyes from turning red. 

“Breathe.” Derek’s voice echoed through my head, “It’s going to be okay.”

I took a deep breath in and out and when I opened my eyes, the red was gone. Now or never. 

After closing the front door behind me, I walked quietly into the kitchen where I found him. He was leaning against the counter and sipping a cup of coffee. He looked exhausted. He looked up from his cup a little surprised. 

“(Y/N)...” 

I chewed on the inside of my cheek before answering, “Uncle Noah...”

“Is...Everything alright?” 

“Yeah, yeah.” I said quickly, “Everything’s....” I let out a deep breath, “Everything’s not fine. I’m so sorry about the things I said.”

He smiled a little, “It’s fine.” 

“It-It’s not fine though. You’re just looking out for me, I should appreciate that more. You’ve done more than anyone in my situation could have asked for. You opened up your home, bought me clothes, gave me my own room. You didn’t have to do that.” 

“No, no.” He said, setting down his coffee mug, “I did have to do that. Besides promising your parents that I would look after you, I did this because you’re like one of my own. You’re like the daughter I never had. I love you.” His eyes held a special twinkle. One that you could only find in people that truly loved you. 

Tears prickled at my eyes, my lips trembling, “I love you too.” 

“C’mere, sweetheart.” He pulled me into his arms, holding me tight. I gripped onto the material of his shirt and cried. The first time I had really cried since everything happened with my parents. It just felt like my eyes had been built up and after a while, I was crying because of Uncle Noah, because of my parents, because of the torture I went through. I felt like I had no one to vent to like how I could my mom and dad because they weren’t here anymore. It felt nice to cry and feel safe because I knew that Uncle Noah loved me, no matter what. I just wished that if me being a werewolf did come out, he would still love me like his own. Even the thought of it scared me. 

“It’s alright.” Uncle Noah stroked my hair, pressing a kiss to the top of my head, “Everything gonna be okay.” 

But it’s not okay. 

-

Just a drive to clear my head, that’s all I needed. Stiles was ringing my phone off the hook which really wasn’t helping with my anxiety right now. I looked over to reach for my phone and when I looked back there was someone standing in the middle of the road. 

“SHIT!” I screamed, turning my wheel harshly, sending me off the road and into a ditch. I slammed on the brakes, making my body slam forward into the steering wheel. I felt the cracking of my ribs against the hard plastic of the wheel. Pain washed over me in waves as I tried to catch my bearings. I felt dizzy and nauseous on account of the whiplash. I looked back towards the road and the mystery person was gone. It was around that time that my airbag went off, slapping me in the face. 

“Nice.” I grunted, opening up my car door. I turned to look out when I froze. The kanima was staring me right in the eyes. But it didn’t make any sense, unless the kanima can turn without moonlight. 

“Jackson...” I whispered, “Jackson, if you’re in there I need you to listen to me.” I swallowed, watching the creature tilt his head to the side. It seemed to recognize my voice. 

“I can help you, Jackson. I don’t want to hurt you. Just please... Don’t...”

“(Y/N)...” The creature’s voice said. I didn’t even know it was capable of speech. But the voice wasn’t exactly reptilian, as if that was possible. It wasn’t Jackson’s voice either. It was a voice that seemed so familiar, but not. 

“Well... That’s not good.” I said, just starting to move to get to the other side of the car when I felt Jackson’s whip-like tail slice across my side. 

“God....dammit.” My voice was strained since my entire body became paralyzed within seconds. The creature reached out, pulling me out of the car. 

Ah yes, a roadside killing for the kanima, how wonderful. Okay, maybe thoughts like this weren’t the best. This is how I died, alone on the side of the road. I took a deep breath, watching the world go by as Jackson’s scaly hands dragged me down into the ditch further. 

A loud roar cut through the air and I felt Jackson drop me, hissing before I heard him take off into the woods. Derek’s face filled my vision and relief washed over me.

“It’s alright, I got you.” He said, picking me in his arms. I saw my car out of the corner of my eye. 

“Is she totaled?” I asked. 

“No, she’s fine.” He chuckled, “Your transmissions probably shot though.” 

“Awesome.” I groaned, closing my eyes. 

- By the time I woke up, it was later in the day and I was back home on the couch. With Derek and Uncle Noah... talking. My eyes widened and I sat up, I hissed in pain and laid back down. My head was still killing me. 

“Woah, slow down there, kid.” Uncle Noah came to my side, kneeling down beside me on the couch. He smiled and smoothed back my hair from my face, “I thought I told you when you saw a deer in the road, you can’t swerve. Just slow down and if you hit it, you hit it. It’s sad, but there are more deer, there’s only one you.” I glanced up at Derek, who had his arms crossed over his chest. He seemed not at all concerned around Uncle Noah. 

Uncle Noah followed my line of sight and smiled, “It’s okay, secret’s out.” My heart almost stopped, why in the hell would Derek tell him I was a werew-

“And it’s okay. I am... okay with you seeing Derek.” I blinked at him. 

“What?” 

“Is that where you’ve been? At a friend’s house.” He stood up and chuckled, patting Derek on the shoulder, “Derek, here, explained it all to me.” 

“I told him that you didn’t want to disappoint him by dating someone who was a murder suspect.” Derek said, smiling a bit at the sheriff. 

“Don’t worry, everything’s fine now. Just for the future, you can always tell me anything. No matter what.” He smiled reassuringly. Well... I guess that was one thing out of the way. 

“Your car’s in the shop, it’ll be there a day or two. So for now, Derek has volunteered to take you to work.” Uncle Noah smiled, then looked down at his phone, “I gotta take this.” He excused himself from the room and left out the front door. I sat back up again, looking up at Derek’s with my eyebrows raised. 

“How did that whole situation go?” Referring to ex-con Derek Hale telling the chief of police that he is dating his pseudo-daughter while she was unconscious in his arms. 

Derek shrugged, coming to sit on the edge of the couch, “Well, I was threatened with the gun at first. But after explaining some things... He understood.” He reached out, holding my hand, “He also said he was glad that we were friends again.” 

“Does that mean my parents told him that I wasn’t friends with you anymore and not to bring you up?” 

“Seems like it.” He sighed, rubbing his thumb across my knuckles. 

“God.” I breathed out, feeling tension rising in my shoulders, “I understand why they did what they did but... They had a total disregard of the consequences. What were they going to say when I asked what happened to you, would they tell me they told you to go away or would they lie again? A majority of my life was stolen from me and when I try to remember my old lacrosse games where you could have been there... The only face I see is Michael’s. And I think he knew something.” 

“We’re gonna figure it out.” He said. I moved closer to him, leaning my head on his shoulder. 

Derek then explained the events of the dad, the kanima attacked Scott, Stiles, Erica, and Allison in detention and he had agreed to not kill the creature. 

“Why did the kanima go after me? Why didn’t he kill me immediately.” 

“You don’t have to cover for him anymore, I know it’s Jackson.” 

I sighed, “Good, because I didn’t like keeping it from you.” 

“Yeah, why did you keep it from me?” He asked, looking down at me. 

I gave him a surprised look, “Well, gee, I don’t know. Maybe because you would have killed him? Yeah, he’s a douchebag, but that’s a little much. From what you said, finding out Jackson was adopted at birth and that he literally had to be removed from his mother’s dead body... Maybe that’s what caused the bite to mutate.” 

“It’s possible.” The sound of the door slamming shut and the sound of familiar awkward footsteps made us both look up. Stiles halted in the living room, looking me over. I’m sure I looked like a wreck, still kinda felt like it, but the cracked ribs and head injury had healed by now. 

Stiles pressed his lips together tightly, moving with purpose. He fell to his knees in front of the couch, wrapping his arms around me. Trying not to cry for the second time today, I hugged him, resting my cheek on top of his head. 

“I’m sorry.” I whispered. Stiles hold tightened at my words but he didn’t say anything. Derek nodded at me, making his way out of the house. Leaving Stiles and I alone. 

----------------

Read part 17 here!

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[arcturusreads]

Sports Day - Merhayes

Another AO3 prompt where Cormac has a moment with Meredith's kids. who's surprised that they knew him that well.

Meredith wasn’t quite sure who came up with the idea for Grey-Sloan Family Sports Day, but she was going to kill Bailey for agreeing with it. It’s not that she didn’t love her kids and wanted to spend time with. Mer spent a lot of time playing tag with Ellis, in the back garden, kicking a ball around in a lame attempt of soccer with Bailey and helped Zola with some amateur gymnastics but sports day was something else.

Sports day meant egg and spoon races, three legged races and who knew what else. Meredith was not athletic, not by a long shot and would have happily just watched everyone else take part. Unfortunately, her kids had seen the flyer that Amelia had bought home with her and were determined that Meredith took part in every parent race that was being held. She’d tried for a while to convince them that Maggie or Amelia could also take part, but her kids all had her stubborn streak. So, Meredith now found herself signed up to more races that she had ever done in her life.

The day of the event had been cursed with sunshine. Meredith had been hoping for a downpour of rain so the whole thing could get called off, but her kids had run into her bedroom that morning, with Zola yanking the curtain open and lo and behold, sunlight had come streaming in.

When they had made it to the field, Meredith laid out the picnic blanket. Catching the kids before they all ran off, she made sure that they were slathered with sunscreen. The courses were still being set up and families still needed to arrive, so Mer took the opportunity to lay down and close her eyes, using the discarded jackets as a pillow. She was just about ready to drift off when a soccer ball came flying into her side.

“Ooft,” Mer shot upright to see her son with a cheeky grin on his face.

“Sorry, mommy.” Not that Bailey looked or sounded sorry in slightest

He quickly changed to his face to his puppy-dog eyes which reminded her exactly of Derek and all she could do was laugh.

“It’s fine, sweetie but mommy isn’t the goal post.”

“Are you gonna come and join us?” Ellis begged as she ran to join her brother.

“Please, mommy, it’ll be fun!” Zola added in.

One of them she might have been able to say no to, maybe even two but when then three of them got together, she stood no chance. The moment she had become a mother, Meredith had known that she wanted a part of her kids’ lives in a way that her mother never had been. Ellis Grey wouldn’t be seen dead at a family sports day but for Meredith, as much as she had been dreading the actual races, these were the kind of days that she loved most.

Surgery was amazing, the thrill and the rush of adrenaline that she got from it was always going to be one of her favourite feelings, but nothing would beat how she felt when she spent time with her kids. Even when they left the house a mess and drove her crazy, Mer knew that she would give up everything for them.

So, Meredith pushed herself up from her seat, picking up the soccer ball and ran with it. It took her kids a minute to realise what was going on before they ran after her.

“Mommy, that isn’t how you play soccer!” Bailey yelled behind her.

She looked back over at them and laughed, wishing that they would always be this carefree and happy. Eventually she stopped in her tracks and threw the ball to Ellis.

“Come on, Ellie Belle, it’s us against them.”

As she caught the ball, Ellis stuck her tongue out to her younger siblings and as quick as her little legs would take her. A quick look over her should made her see that Bailey was close to catching up with her and out of panic, Ellis quickly launched the ball away from her, to whoever was nearest. Who happened to be the Head of Paediatric Surgery.

“Ellis,” Meredith jogged over to her kids, all three of whom were grinning up at the Irish surgeon. “What did we say about throwing the ball at guests?”

“But Dr Mac isn’t a guest momma, we’re not home!”

Sometimes Meredith wished her kids weren’t that logical but at five-years-old, Ellis had an answer for everything.

“Still, baby, we’ve got to be careful and only throw to people who are in the game.”

“Dr Hayes doesn’t mind. Do you Dr Hayes?” Bailey turned to Cormac who grinned before kneeling with the soccer ball in hand.

“Absolutely not, Bailey but your mother is right, you have to be careful, okay?”

Ellis nodded eagerly at Cormac who gave her a wink.

“And how are you doing, Miss Zola? How did that science project go?”

Beaming, Zola pushed her chest out in pride. “I got the best in the class! Mrs Johnson said it’s the best she’s ever seen!”

“I’m impressed, you’re going to have to show me some time.”

“I could bring it to the hospital, if that okay with you, Mommy?” Zola turned to look at her mom.

Still in a little shock over how well Cormac seemed to know her kids, she managed to nod. “Yeah, sure thing, Zozo. You can bring it with you next time you come into work with me.”

“And how about you, Bailey? Did you manage to make the soccer team?”

Bailey sighed dramatically. “Yeah,” he drew out looking at the ground.

“You don’t seem too happy about that.”

“I am!” Bailey quickly shot back, not wanting Dr Hayes to think that he didn’t enjoy soccer anymore. “But because stuff’s closed, they said we have to wait until the new school year to play.”

“Ahh,” Cormac nodded in understanding, “I see, well that just gives you time to practice over Summer, right? And then you can get even better.”

Not having thought of it that way, Bailey was suddenly very excited about being on the soccer team again.

“Momma said I can start swimming lessons when they open again!” Ellis piped up, not wanting to be left out.

“Oh really,” Cormac smiled and arched an eyebrow. “Is that going to make you a mermaid princess then?”

“Yes!” Ellis started to jump up and down, nearly tripping over her own feet.

Meredith held out her hands to stead her little girl. “Alright you three, why don’t you get the ball back from Dr Hayes and go play, I’ll join you guys in a second.”

“Okay, it was really nice seeing you again, Dr Hayes!” Zola flashed him a bright smile as she took the ball.

“Are you here for sports day? Will you come and play with us later?”

Before Meredith was able to object and say that Cormac probably had better things to do, he replied. “I’m here with my boys and I’m sure they’d love to join us as well if you don’t mind.”

The prospect of having other boys to play was the best news Bailey could have had. “Yes, thank, Dr Hayes! Zola! Zola, guess what?” And with that Bailey was chasing after his sister to tell her his good news.

Ellis was the only one left and Meredith wondered why she hadn’t gone with her brother and sister yet but suddenly Ellis wrapped her arms around Cormac’s neck. “Bye, Dr Mac.” Giggling, she let go and went to join Ellis and Bailey.

Cormac straightened himself to full height, “What?” He saw the curious look on Meredith’s face.

“How do you and my kids know each other so well?”

Chuckling nervously, Cormac answered, “I-uh, spent a lot of time talking to them on video chat when they would ring to talk to you. I hope you don’t mind…”

He was worried that he had overstepped a mark. At the time, he just wanted to help cheer them up. He knew how his sons had been when their mom had been in hospital and at least she had been awake and responsive.

“Mind? No, but I hope you’re ready because they’re going to have a million and one questions whenever they see you.” She was teasing him, but it was also true. Her kids were just an inquisitive as she was.

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me. You’ve got a great bunch there, Grey. Seem to take after their mother.”

[glowingspence]

Caring hands

Warning: Sexual Content [in Chapter 3]

Summary: Morgan finds out that Spencer never really had the change to really enjoy sex due sexual partners that want him to mask during it. He is about to change that and puts so much effort in it, it becomes much more.

Category: Fluff/Smut/Light Angst [Will I ever write something without angst? Probably not]

Paring: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid

Word Count: 4534

Chapters: 3/3

Read all on ao3

Chapter 1 below the cut:

They don't talk much about sex.

Spencer thinks it is a stereotype that guys allegedly do that while he has heard JJ and Emily talk about it a lot more graphic and detailed than Derek and him do.

Sure they do sometimes, little jokes about having had a one night stand and how Derek likes to brag about it but Derek has this weird habit that whenever Spencer had sex he will know. For some reason he just does. Anything gives him a tell and Spencer to this day has not found out why.

In the beginning Derek didn't know either what it was but with some profiling it was clear.

Everytime Spencer did have sex the night before he was a lot more sensitive to things touching him and textures he needs to touch and his mind will take a little bit longer processing questions.

Not much you couldn't tell if you aren't close with him.

And the most obvious thing is that he always tucks himself away. Mostly thicker closes, moes layer. Shielding himself by wrapping his arms around him. Gaining always as much distant as possible and for a long time Derek just put it off with his sensory issues and that when a neuro typical person feels this much, maybe Spencer will feel even more and that this is just a lot to process. That this is good but when he walks into the office and just looks genuinely distraught and scared and just eventually freezes in his spot Derek gets up approaching him.

"My man!" He jokes as an attempt to cheer him up. "Boy or girl?"

"Girl" Spencer answers quietly, they both aren't silent about their sexuality. Both open to date men as well as women.

Spencer had outed himself merely by accident when they were working a case and told them that he just loves the person and doesn't care about the gender and when most of the others had starred at him he didn't know what he did wrong.

"She nice?"

"I need to get out" Spencer tells Derek really quiet and the man nods and puts his hand behind Spencer's back not touching him but leading him to the bathrooms where Spencer the moment Derek locks the door behind them, starts pulling of his sweater and then fiddles at his tie, "Get it off"

"You are alright, Spencer. Deep breaths"

"Get it off" He yells again while Derek resolves the knot and eventually pulls the tie off and Spencer is tapping his chest and then goes over to flapping his hands. "Shirt. Shirt too"

"I will" Nervously Derek resolves the bottons and then pulls the shirt out of Spencer's pants and pulls it off. "Better?"

"Better" Almost relived, only wearing his under shirt now Spencer looks at him and after a few moments of panicking he mumbles a quiet,"Sorry"

"Nothing to be sorry for I will get you my jacket." The moment Derek bought that jacket it wasn't his anymore. It is not really soft from the inside but rather clean as Spencer would describe it. Soft in a way that they isn't a fabric that had bumps and fluff but is just clean and smooth and when he wears it, it's like peace is hugging him and it's so heavy because it's to big and it's almost perfect expect for the fact that it has cord on the outside and that is a huge no go. He is definitely not touching that.

"Did anything happened last night?" Morgan asks as he holds the jacket open for Spencer to slip in.

"Yes"

"Do you want to tell me?" He picks Spencer's shirt and tie of the floor making a mental note to wash it for him so he doesn't have to touch the stuff that was on a bathroom floor. "No pressure, we can talk about it sometimes else."

"I - I- sometimes have the problem during it- you know- with the feeling- and- people are not really understanding."

"Can you elaborate?"

"People expect me to mask - and I do. I really try but I can't mask everything. And she was, you know- sitting on my - and it felt really good and it was a lot so I accidentally whined and - and - I - flapped my hands - hands and - and she pushed them down and told me to - to not ever do that again to any women during - during sex and I really needed to because she made me feel good but it was all to much and she just kept going and I couldn't- it all - I just want to be able to have sex like everyone else."

"They always tell you that?"

"What?"

"To mask."

"I just do mostly, surprisingly guys are more understanding if a stim slips but they don't want it either."

"You shouldn't have to mask and what that women did was wrong I hope you know that. You stimming or whining as you call it is the equivalent to her moaning. That's how she signals or realises that feeling that you have too and it's okay to stim or do anything. When you have sex with someone, you should be as safe and comfortable as the other person and I have to tell you I have no idea how hard that maybe is for you but you should be allowed as much as the other person to do what you need to do for it to become a good experience."

"You really don't know how less understanding people are do you?"

"I probably don't. I am aleady annoyed by the people we see every day here at the office." He jokes hinting at the guy that they made fun of the other day after he in the morning made fun of Reid and then in the afternoon tripped down the stairs and broke his wrist.

Spencer had felt so bad for laughing when he heard that, that afterwards he apologised to Hotch with tears in his eyes saying he didn't mean to wish him any harm and that he doesn't like that someone got hurt and that he doesn't know why he laughed and Hotch had been so confused he just told Spencer off so he feels taking seriously and then just starred at his wall for a few seconds before huring after him and pulling him in a long hug promising it is okay to feel sorry and its okay to emphasise with him even if Derek told him that this guy deserved it.

"And you aren't even me"

"C'mon why are you even doing this still to yourself? Why not waiting on the right person?"

"Maybe they will be one of them." Spencer tells him with honesty in his eyes. His arms disappearing in the long sleeves of the jacket. "It's dump I know."

"Nah you are right just - just promise me you will be more clear of your boundaries. Am I right with the assumption that last night was a little bit to much?"

"I didn't say stop it wasn't her fault. I am fine, I promise. Don't make a big deal out of this."

"I won't."

Weeks go by and the thoughts about what Spencer had told him don't leave his mind. He always travels back to the disappointment and hope that he will someday find someone that is understanding while Derek could not imagine how someone could not be.

In general and especially with Spencer.

He couldn't imagine forcing him to hide a stim when he is laying underneath him, filled with so much joy about what they are doing that he would want to stop that.

He couldn't imagine having Spencer in his lap, kissing him and making him feel good in any way it's possible and then forbidding to show it.

He couldn't imagine having his thin body all under his power, all his trust in his hands and then to brake it with such carelessness.

"Spence wait" Derek calls after him when he aims for the elevator. "Where are you going?"

"It's late. It's friday" Spencer tells him while Derek holds the elevator doors open.

"Not for you it isn't."

"Do you really need me to spell it out for you?" He asks with an annoyed expression. "I am having a date tonight."

"Oh"

"Oh?"

"No no sorry. I - have fun."

"Thank you" Worried Derek backs up and leaves him alone with his date but leaving his ring tone on and when he sees Spencer the next morning, with the same distraught expression and the same tiredness he had the last time he makes his decision final.

"Let me take you out on a date." Spencer chuckles uncomfortably while putting down the books he brought from home on his desk. "I am being serious"

"Why do you want to take me on a date? Did you lost a bet to Emily or something?"

"Every time you walk in here with the same disappointment on your face, let me show you it doesn't have to be this way." Spencer studies him for a moment and then straightens up. "Don't feel pressured you don't have to say yes we will never talk about it again or we will do it some time else-"

"Why?"

"Because I think you deserve to learn that it can be different and that you don't have to put up with that just to get laid."

"I don't have to get laid - I don't have to sleep with someone-"

"I know"

"I don't want to answer yet. I don't know what to answer yet. This is an very unexpected question."

"You are all good, you can take all the time you need." Derek gives him an encouraging smile and just when he turns around,

"I'd love to."

"Then I will pick you up at seven"

"Wait tonight?"

"If it suits you."

"Yes. Yes."

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