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bloopbyoop · 4 years ago

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ayo. ive read my scheduled email and its time for freewriting shit again. lmao. I want this post to be like a small light from a lit match stick inside a very hollow, icy, and numbing cave. (sounds cartoonish right? I know. Im obsessed with Adventure Time.) I want all people to be genuinely happy. Spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Upon reaching my 24th anniversary in this world, I finally learned how to truly embrace all my emotions. Some are more overwhelming than the other, but we have to heed in our treacherous yet perplexing minds that everything is fleeting and we are in control. The feeling of extreme sadness fades, but so does joyful states. Everything can change in a matter of minutes or years. You are in control of all your emotions. You are in control of all your life choices. Your actions. Your words. Your perspective. It feels weird to actually write about it. I've wanted to talk about it. I never wanted help from anyone as I firmly believed that I was alone. Sure, I have a family and friends, but it is hard to see that when your head is clouded with negativity. I've even come to the point where I was too overwhelmed, I found being physically hurt less painful. The pain I felt distracted me from what I was thinking. My mind tended to go bonkers. lmao. But bro, I was so good at concealing my bonkers mind. It's easy to fake any emotion that you have. Slap anything sunshine-y or happy to anything and people would believe you. It went on for years. Long story short, thousands of bracelets collected, it became worse. The physical pain could no longer withhold the emotional pain. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't stop thinking. And voila! I found a good amount of self help books (from tumblr) and novels. Novels that brought me to different places. Self-help books that made me understand what I feel and what to do. I've read that taking the easy way out will leave everyone sad. AND IN THE FIRST PLACEEEEEE, I NEVER WANT THATTTTTTT. I want everyone to be happy. I would act foolish and do dumb shit to make everyone happy in a heartbeat. So, that idea made me push a few more years. Later on, the crippling shit came crawling back again to my head, sooooooo I needed new shit to keep me distracted again. Films, series, music, and short clips from YouTube helped me out a lot. Every single time that my mind is going to think like anything that can think of, even to the point that I was just going to think that I might be hungry, I'd watch something. There's just something about silence for me. Because of this new habit of mine, I've learned more about myself. I love different types of things. I like horror. I like thriller. I like comedy. I like romance. I love all types of films, but there is something about the horror genre that interests me. I still can't point out what, but I love watching horror films. With regards to music, I've learned that I love Indie, Punk Rock, Rap, and Pop. We all can't like a specific genre. It's stupid to ask "what genre of music do you like?". It's not actually stupid-stupid, it's just stupid. Ya know? Anyway, passing this phase, I needed to find something again because it's not doing the shit that it was supposed to, I tried investing more time on video games. By investing more, I mean a whole shit lot. I love video games since I was young cuz.... u know.... they keep u... try to guess it! oh yeah. you got that right! distracted! I love the aggressive plays and trashtalks that my friends and I make. The short stories we tell one another. The rants. The lame jokes. The late night we sound drunk but we are not drunk jokes. The roleplays. The lame jokes. The memes. And once again, The lame jokes. Something about lame jokes and the laughs and curses after that always gets me every single time. Oh shoot. Yup Yup. Few years later, I finally noticed the pattern that my sadness is temporary. I got over it one way or the other (or another. depends on how you wanna read it. i dont wanna say another cause i might write about one direction like what im doing now so-). Happiness is temporary as well. But, we are the ones who are actually in control of our emotions. If you wanna feel sad, be sad for a while. You're getting too sad? Try hanging out with your funny friends. Can't do that? Find an alternative. Watch a movie, knit a sweater. Anything your mind could think of as long as it will keep you mentally distracted from being physically and mentally hurt. I do have a few notes though. We cannot and should never assume what people are going through. It may be petty for you, but it may be very crucial to them. So never everrrr say things like: -Some people have it worse than you -At least you have ..... These sheetsss are annoying as heckkk and could really down someone. I know it is not your intention to annoy but people react differently. alsooooooo, it is not okay or normal to hate on things for bandwagon. that is just plainly crazy and stupid. let people enjoy things. anddddddd never suppress your emotions. admit what you feel inside and try to think of a way to resolve ittttt. keeping it to yourself will just make it worseeeeee. find your own outlettttttttt. hihihi ️ alsooooo. being more spiritually full with God's words and ideas really help me to be spiritually happy. ps. im christian but i dont discredit other religion and even applaud other religion's ideas and beliefs. this is a really long, selfish post so i might as well recommend some things I like : Songs with their lyrics that made me go through life. “I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier” -All These Things That I've Done, The Killers “It's not too late, I'm still right here” -Breaking Your Own Heart, Kelly Clarkson "And the salt in my wounds / Isn't burning any more than it used to / It's not that I don't feel the pain / It's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore / And the blood in these veins / Isn't pumping any less than it ever has / And that's the hope I have / The only thing I know that's keeping me alive" -Last Hope, Paramore “There is not a single word in the whole world / That could describe the hurt / The dullest knife just sawing back and forth / And ripping through the softest skin there ever was / How were you to know?” -Hate to See Your Heartbreak, Paramore "It's holding on, though the road's long / And seeing light in the darkest things And when you stare at your reflection / Finally knowing who it is / I know that you'll thank God you did" -1800, Logic "Did some things you can't speak of / But at night you live it all again / You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now / If only you had seen what you know now then" -Innocent, Taylor Swift (My bb) "10 months sober, I must admit / Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it / 10 months older, I won't give in / Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it // Rain came pouring down when I was drowning / That's when I could finally breathe / And by morning gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean" -Clean, Taylor Swift “I guess I always knew / That I had all the strength to make it through.” -Believe in Me, Demi Lovato "I'm addicted to the madness / I'm a daughter of the sadness / I've been here too many times before / Been abandoned and I'm scared now / I can't handle another fallout / I am fragile, just washed upon the shore / They forget me, don't see me / When they love me, they leave me" -I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me, Demi Lovato “I'm overwhelmed / I need a voice to echo / I need a light to take me home / I need a star to follow / I don't know” -Nightingale, Demi Lovato "I'm a walking travesty / But I'm smiling at everything. // Arrogant boy, Love yourself so no one has to." -Therapy, All Time Low "I tried it once before but I didn't get too far / I felt a lot of pain but it didn't stop my heart. / But maybe I'm alive 'cause I didn't really wanna die / But nothing very special ever happens in my life / Take the blade away from me I am a freak, I am afraid that / All the blood escaping me won't end the pain / And I'll be haunting all the lives that cared for me / I died to be the white ghost / Of the man that I was meant to be" -Ghost, Badflower "Are the pieces of you / In the pieces of me? / I'm just so scared / You're who I'll be / When I erupt / Just like you do / They look at me / Like I look at you" -DNA, Lia Marie Johnson Movies and series to try : -The Perks of Being a Wallflower (The book is bomb af. if yall havent tried, ur missing out) -The Kings of Summer -Never Let Me Go -The Art of Getting By -Silver Linings Playbook -Winter’s Bone -The Lovely Bones (The script. The words) -Me and Earl and the Dying Girl -American Horror Story -Black Swan

pps. remember that every one has their own pace and point of view. don’t push yourself too hard, and don’t overthink. give yourself time, and respect all your emotions. analyze them but not more than like 5 minutes as anything beyond that might cause you to overthink and be sadder. and sad is not rad. hehe. you got this. you got you. self love is the best even though it can be tricky to do. nobody else is like you. you’re the only one of you (i just remembered me.......... i might have hummed it while typing it mid sentence). consider other people’s opinion but do not let it cloud your own judgement as you know yourself best. dont let other comment’s define you. spread love. vibe people you vibe with. ayeeee lets go!!!

ppps this is my last post bc im happier now and know myself better. i no longer limit myself on the age that I want. I want to live as long as how God wants me to be. hehe.

x :D

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howardpotts · 6 years ago

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Congratulations🎉 you deserve even more followers for your amazing work!❤️ I would like to ask 39. “Why can’t you just be mad at me?” with Loki please? 👀

Thank youuuu darling 💖💖💖

Join my 500 followers celebration!

Blograte: 8/10, I love your posts. I read the whole Thor/Odin Frigga/Loki thing and it fascinated me because I love such posts. And I always love funny posts/memes so I’m all for it mate

URL in songs:b: Break of Dawn - Yellow Claw, l: Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons, u: Uh huh - Jade Bird, e: Everything - Ella Mai, d:Don’t Look Back In Anger - Oasis, e: Expectations - Lauren Jauregui, m: My Boy - Billie Eilish, o: Only Forver - Demi Lovato, n: Notice - Little Mix, s: Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson, b: Bad at Love - Halsey, l: Like I do - Christina Aguilera, o: One Trick Ponies - Kurt Vile, g: Gold on the Ceiling - The Black Keys.

______________________

39. “Why can’t you just be mad at me?”

You looked over at Loki, who was sitting on the other side of the couch. He watches the TV, but you can tell that he’s not really focussing on whatever is on. His mind is somewhere else at the moment.

A little sigh left your mouth as you watched him. You had no right of complaining about your relationship; yet you do sometimes. Not to him nor to anyone else, but just to yourself as you’re standing under the shower or have a moment for yourself while cooking or cleaning or what ever.

Eleven months ago you and him both decided that you would try having a relationship. You knew Loki had a hard time admitting he had fallen for someone from Midgard. On the other hand you were too stubborn to say you’ve fallen for him as well.

But, the tension was unbearable. One night, the two of you gave in after a lot of pushing; Thor pushed Loki and Natasha pushed you. You weren’t sure why she did it, since she was never really fond of the god, but you caved.

You went on a so called date together, set up by the two of them. You didn’t kiss that night. It was all awkward and you weren’t sure if it would be such a great idea to go on another one.

Natasha shrugged and told you that she can’t push you all the time. “You gotta want it, I can’t force you”, she told you.

The moment that Thor and Natasha stopped interfering was the moment you and Loki hit it off. As if some awkward tension was lifted from your shoulders and you could finally be yourself.

You never really called it dates at first, you just ‘casually hung around’. And Loki was fine with it, he didn’t like the idea of dating a Midgardian as well.

Until you kissed. You still think back to that day on a daily basis. Just as today, you were lounging on the couch. Loki was on the other side, but that changed very quickly. He scooted to you,pulled your face closer and smashed his lips to yours. It seemed such an impulsive moment, you’re still wondering if he was having a ‘fuck everything and everyone’-moment.

You were the first to call your ‘thing’ a relationship, Loki was hesistant. It took you a few weeks of asking and convincing before he said yes. And so, you were boyfriend and girlfriend. But you never called each other that.

Months passed, you loved every second of it. Everything was perfect, but one thing. He did everything you asked him to do. Cleaning? Sure. Making a bath? Without question. Cooking? Yes, ma’am.

At first you didn’t complain, of course, but it started to annoy you a bit. You sometimes wanted him to speak up to you, to tell you that he’s not your maid but a God. Just, some resistance is something, anything really.

You often thought of pushing his buttons, but you were too scared he left. It was the same reason why you didn’t ask him about it; you didn’t want him to leave. Because you loved him. Everything else in your relationship was so much fun. You had such a good time together, filled with joy and laughter. The sex was amazing, you now know where the ‘making love’ comes from, because that’s what you do. You make love to each other.

But now, on this sofa, you felt like you had to tell him. You watch him, still in thoughts.

“Why can’t you just be mad at me?”, you asked without really thinking about it. Loki shifted his head. “Excuse me?”, he said confused. He scooted a little closer and watched you closely.

Your nerves were everyhwere. Your body was heated, your hands were playing with the fabric of your shirt. In your stomach was this unsettling feeling. It felt as if your whole body was protesting.

“I-”, you sigh and try to find the words in your head. “You just accept everything”, you start, blurting it all out. “You never say ‘no’. Whenever I ask you to do something, you never question it. It seems so.. not you. You’re fucking Loki, a God, not Loki the servant. I tried so many times for you to speak up to me, but you just don’t.”

Loki couldn’t be more confused right now. His brows furrow, his hand grab yours. “Do.. Do you want me to fight against you?” He tries to get a grip on what’s happening.

“No, not on purpose. Please, just tell me, do you really like this series?”, you nod to the television where New Girl is playing. His mouth drops a little, but soon turns in a smirk. “No, I don’t”, he says.

“Then why don’t you tell me?”, you ask curiously. You can feel the sweat on your hands, that probably means that Loki can feel it too. You want to pull away, but Loki sternly holds them in place.

“It’s... I don’t want to lose you. I agree because... If I won’t agree, you’ll leave me. You won’t think i’m worthy enough.” His eyes are watching your hands, too ashamed to look you right in the eyes.

Worthy. This all has to do with his family. “Loki”, you say softly, “I won’t leave you because you won’t ready my bath or because you dislike a series. I love you and that won’t change anytime soon. I want you to be you, because that’s the person I fell for. No one else.”

Loki looks at you now, a little smile playing on his lips. You shake your head with a little laugh and pull him to you, your lips on his.

#marvelwriter500 #thank you doll!!!#loki x reader #loki laufeyson x reader #bluedemonsblog

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