#deh gets a lot of hate for the wrongs reasons

[i-want-anne-hathaway]

Challenge day two. Dear Evan Hansen. If you didn’t see that last post, I’m being an impulsive idiot.

Anybody have a map is a good song. I don’t- I don’t really have much else to say about that. Like, it’s just a good song. I enjoy every song in Dear Evan Hansen so this should be more tolerable than Hamilton. It’s also significantly shorter than Hamilton.

Waving Through a Window is actually about vampires, as confirmed by Lauren Lopez.

For Forever is my least favorite song on the soundtrack, and I still really like it. It’s just my least favorite because... actually I don’t know. I just vibe with it slightly less than everything else.

DEAR GORDON RAMSEY, WE’VE BEEN WAY TOO OUT OF TOUCH!

Okay, but in all seriousness, Sincerely Me was the second DEH song I’d ever heard, and I tried to figure out the plot just from the two songs I’d heard. I knew that Connor was dead, and I knew that he and Evan were not friends. Other than that, I had no idea.

I’ve watched the boot of this show so many times that the choreography is playing in my head, and that just shows how much time I have on my hands.

I’ve literally watched it so many times. Doing the dishes? Listen to Dear Evan Hansen. Doing homework? Listen to Dear Evan Hansen. Existing?? Listen to Dear Evan Hansen.

Antonio Cipriano doing the pronoun showdown of Requiem though. It makes me Sad™️. But like a good sad. It’s a sad song, but he is amazing. Not really related to DEH, but about Antonio Cipriano. In my head, Antonio Cipriano, the actor for Phoenix from JLP, and Renée Rapp’s boyfriend were all different people. I was so confused when I found out they were actually one person.

If I Could Tell her would be so sweet if you took away the context that it’s all a lie and her brother is dead. I will be getting a guitar, and I will be learning this song on it. It doesn’t sound right on the ukulele. It has to be a guitar. This is making me sad that I never got to see it when it came to my city on tour. This is also reminding me that I should finish watching The Politician. This is also also reminding me that Laura was in Glee.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU TRIED TO KISS ZOE MURPHY! ON HER BROTHERS BED! AFTER HE DIED!”

Disappear can and will make me cry under the right circumstances. If it wasn’t for the fact that my parents are home, I would be screaming this song. But noooooo, they get off of work because they’re veterans /j.

Okay, so the beginning of You Will Be Found sucks to me, but I do enjoy the end of it. Is it really inspiring? Yeah. Is it a bit boring? Also, yeah.

Still thinking about the time I Evan Hansened out of a tree, and I didn’t tell anybody I’d just fallen out of a tree. I just sat there like “gee I sure hope nothing’s broken” and then got up and never mentioned it until like 3 years later. For clarification, I didn’t jump out of the tree, I actually fell

Time for what is regarded as the worst DEH song ever. To Break in a Glove is fun, and I like it. Every other song has a lot going on plot wise, but this song just feels a bit more calm and laid back.

Only Us would also be a lot sweeter if the context was different. This song does make me wish I had a significant other to just like stomp in puddles together in the rain. Like, is that too much to ask for?

Good For You is my favorite song. It’s just top tier. Literal perfection. And the dialogue in between parts with Evan and Alana and Evan in Jared. Ya know what, fuck it, I’m going to the basement so I can sing this shit. THIS SONG IS SO GOOD. I JUST- UGH.

Words Fail became my comfort song, which is like... what? Of all the songs I could’ve picked to comfort myself, I chose the one where he’s literally crying the whole time? Yes. Yes, I did.

It’s raining outside, so I’m going to stare out a window like I’m in a music video for this song. That line “I never let them see the worst of me” literally makes me so sad.

From what I’ve seen, people either love So Big/So Small or hate it, and I don’t get how you could hate this masterpiece of a song.

I WANNA LISTEN TO IN THE BEDROOM DOWN THE HALL! I’M ADDING IT! IT’S LITERALLY SO GOOD! Cynthia’s verses just hit different in this. I wish they’d been able to keep this in the show. And the last line of the song is just so goddamn sad, I wanna cry. “I think I’ll wait another day to pack these boxes cause once I’m through, I’m left with just one thing to do. Remember.” IT’S SO SAD!

Okay, last song... it’s not loading. Oop- nevermind. This song makes me feel good. It’s hardly even a song, but it makes me happy.

I can now listen to Hamilton and Dear Evan Hansen. Goodie. Next on the list is Be More Chill. Fun.

Final judgment of DEH? It’s a great musical that lands really well with teens, not because it has a super great handle on mental illness or because all the characters are role models, it’s because they can see themselves in the characters, which can be reassuring at this age.

[lesbian-in-leather]

I mean…..I’d be interested to hear what you have to say about the wicked movie casting 👀

Okay SO

First of all I'd just like to say no hate to the actresses, Ariana Grande has always seemed like a lovely person and I literally had not heard of Cynthia Erivo until this morning so this isn't like a personal attack on them however I do have several issues with them being cast as Glinda and Elphaba

Cynthia Erivo is in her mid thirties and she should not be playing someone in her late teens/early twenties. I'm rlly sick of grown-ass adults playing teenagers for a lot of reasons, and it's just super unnecessary. I've seen loads of people talking about how old Idina was when she originated the role, completely failing to ackowledge that casting for the stage is completely different from the screen

Age-appropriate casting is super important for films and tv, and I feel like DEH should have taught the industry that but apparently not. Wicked obviously takes place over a longer timeframe, so I could have accepted someone who appears to be in their mid twenties who could have been aged up/down with costume and makeup at various points in the story, but come on. Erivo is too old I'm sorry she just is (also they could have just cast a Young!Glinda/Elphaba and an Older!Glinda/Elphaba like surely that would make sense for a film but no why would they do that)

Moving on to Ariana - visibly I could accept her as Glinda, she can play down and be aged up later (obviously she needs to be blonde but I am presuming they'll at least keep that aspect of the musical)

My first issue with her is her voice. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure the high notes people talk about her singing are whistle notes - which are impressive, but it's not Glinda. Wicked was so masterfully written and the music is all super symbolic, and Glinda's high notes are so important to her character arc and I'm just. Not confident that she can pull them off (also she does have a tendency, even with musical theatre songs, to sing in a pop-music style which I am absolutely opposed to for a musical). In addition, as someone who struggles with audio-processing anyway, her diction can be quite questionable and again, that's such an important part of musical theatre

Acting-wise I'm not sure how I feel about her - I've seen her in a few things, and I know she can act, and I also know that this role means a lot to her so I think she will genuinely do her best to be true to the character. I absolutely don't blame her for auditioning, and I hope she doesn't get too much hate directed at her, because it isn't her fault she was cast but I really wish she hadn't been

Also I just feel... we didn't need to cast famous people? We could have had some undiscovered stage actresses and boosted their careers, but no. And I know people argue it's not stunt casting because Ariana has a background in musical theatre, but let's be completely honest. If they weren't already famous, they wouldn't have gotten these parts. Because vocally/potentially character-wise, Ariana is not right for the role, and Cynthia is the wrong age to play Elphie!!

Even if they did want to cast Names, they could have done better. I know Dove Cameron was rumoured for a long time and she's a bit of a controversial topic, but I genuinely think she would have done an exceptional job as Glinda (if she has the range, I'm not sure, but focusing on her acting ability). Or, if you want Big Names involved, they could have played other characters - Glinda and Elphaba could have been new actresses or stage actresses that wanted to be on the screen, and the Names could have been other characters!! Morrible and the Wizard would have been excellent roles for appropriate stunt casts because 1. They're adults and therefore you don't have to age them up to use someone that's well known (because most well known people are going to be at least a little older purely because it takes time to become A Name) and 2. They aren't the main characters! DON'T STUNT CAST THE LEADS

Wicked is one of my all time favourite musicals and it means a lot to me and a lot of other people, and I just feel this film is going to ruin some of the most important parts of the musical that made it such an incredible sucess

A huge part of the narrative is that they start as dumb teenagers - Glinda is a privileged trust fund baby that's never had to question her worldview, and Elphaba is an insecure teen that just wants to fit in. It's why Elphie changes herself so dramatically, and why it's so easy to forgive Glinda later on because we see her realise she was wrong. Ariana and Cynthia can't play the same age, and by aging the characters up we'll likely lose the innocence of those plots

Judging from the lack of thought they put into this casting, I also find it very hard to believe they'll allow any romantic implications between Glinda and Elphaba, even as subtext, which is just bullshit. I knew they wouldn't make them canon, but I'd hoped we'd at least get to keep the subtext

[thewistlingbadger]

Here's my review on the deh movie (spoilers ahead.)

In my honest opinion, the best words that i have to describe how i feel about the movie is that it is better than the in the heights movie. And i say that as someone who has always hated deh and my favorite musical ever is in the heights. The movie isn't perfect but, dare i say i enjoyed it.

I expected it to be super bad because of the white washing, the bad reviews, the story, and Ben Platt existing. And I'm not excusing any of those things (i pirated the movie I'll put the link at the bottom of this post) but I was pleasantly surprised. When you do an adaptation, you're supposed to improve the story to the best of your ability and i think that's what they did here. It wasn't all good though so let me go through the bad.

The bad:

Ben Platt??? Hello??? Honey, we know you can sing. You've got good albums and your performance in the obc was good, so what's going on here? It's such a rare occurrence to get someone from the obc into the movie, AS THE SAME ROLE! Not to mention he was talking so much shit beforehand talk about "I'm the best for the role" this that and the other, so why he didn't put his everything into the movie? It was mainly in the first half of the movie for some reason he was like "let me sing real soft".

As for the thing about his age, it's really not that noticeable imo. I think the hair isn't doing him justice. The hair aged him 60 years for some reason. Tbh i have no opinion on the hair, makeup, and costumes throughout the whole movie. They weren't great, they were boring. There weren't anything really.

... except for Connor Murphy. His design was HORRIBLE! Instead of putting him in all black like how he is in the obc, they decided to go with dark blue? He was wearing like a dark blue blazer, a dark t-shirt, and dark jeans. Like honey what? The fact that he had such a straight boy haircut but then his finger nails were painted black and he had a ring was just. smh.

The acting of everyone in general wasn't good either. Which is weird, because i know these people are good actors 🤔 so what gives? Especially Connor Murphy's acting. It was really bad lol

Waving through a window. There's a lot to unpack here. 1. THEY HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO ACTUALLY GIVE DEAR EVAN HANSEN IN OPENING NUMBER AND THEY STILL DIDN'T DO IT. LIKE REALLY? Does anybody have a map was NEVER AN ACTUAL OPENING NUMBER! An opening number is supposed to set up the plot. It's supposed to introduce us to the setting and the characters. Anybody have a map didn't do that and NEITHER DOES waving through a window. Starting the movie with waving through a window doesn't make sense really. Originally, waving through a window happens after Evan has been pushed. It's really dramatic and super cool. It makes sense that it would be there in the story versus starting the movie off like that. SHOW! DON'T! TELL! Originally you show us why Evan is the way he is but in the movie you just tell us that he's really nervous. It's not deserved. Ben Platt is singing super quietly throughout the whole song and when the ensemble is singing they don't look like they're singing. This had me confused throughout the whole entire movie. If people were aware of Evan singing or if they weren't. (This is why having an opening number is so important! You set up the world!) Not to mention that they do that modern shit. They tried to put a modern spin on waving through window just like how there's a modern spin on all the songs in the heights movie. (I hate that shit it sounds horrible.)

The movie felt too serious? There weren't many jokes. Like the opening of the musical is supposed to be a joke but in the movie they don't write it as a joke. (You can also tell how desperately they're trying to cover how old Platt is by just showing his eyes lol.)

Why is Larry the stepdad. I made this complaint when it was revealed to us and it's still a valid one. It didn't further the plot, AT ALL! IT HAD LITERALLY NO EFFECT!

I feel like everyone in this movie should have been gay. Everyone felt gay. Alana with her outfits, Zoe cuffing her jeans, jarred actually being gay and Ben platt's gayness shined though in his performance. And of course, there's Connor.

I think they should have been more dramatic. I'm supposed to believe that Evan is poor but he he lives in a two story house. (I'm not saying poor people can't live in a 2 story house lol I'm just saying). Evan's room in the movie is bigger than mine for Christ sakes. Put the Murphy's in a MC mansion or something ya know? Make there house bigger.

I hate hate HATE how they put an instrumental of good for you and anybody have a map at the beginning of the movie. I hated it when they did that shit in the ith movie, and nothing has changed. It's the worst way to tease a fan, ever.

What I liked:

The movie was different from the musical...but in a good way. I don't hate the changes they made to the original story. To me it feels like it's a whole different vibe. The musical has always been about Evan but I just feel like in the movie they focus more on him. You're not having Jared or Connor getting shoved on your throat every 5 seconds. The original made me feel icky because you were constantly being reminded of how shitty Evan is (as you should) but it wasn't enjoyable. We're raised from a young age to know what's wrong and what's right. And imo, I can never enjoy a piece of media where the story you know something is bad the whole way through. (Uncharted 4 for example). You have to have duality. You have to have a perfect balance of it feeling wrong and right at the same time. And that's how the movie felt for me. The movie was very well made. Cutting the songs that they cut really made all the world of a difference. Imo i really helped (and that's saying something because i LOVE disappear and to break in a glove.) The new songs are good. I significantly like Alana's character more. She came off as annoying in the original but now she's more genuine imo. I absolutely LOVE how they went really slow with the romance between Evan and Zoe. I don't think they even kiss in the movie (which is GREAT! WE STAN NOT MAKING OUT ON YOUR DEAD BROTHER'S BED!) But at the end of if i can tell her we can see Zoe leaning in for a kiss. I liked how they added that. Speaking of things they added, THE ENDING! 👏👏👏 YES SIR. AS THEY SHOULD. It was so cool to see that because one of the main criticisms when it comes to dear Evan Hansen is the fact that he faces no consequences. So for the creators of dear Evan Hansen to take that criticism and actually apply it to the adaptation, is so insanely cool. (It's bare minimum but I've never seen anyone do it before) it's such a better ending to see Evan take responsibility, and to improve as a person. (It was cool to see some elements of the book brought into the movie but at the same time. Where Miguel. Make Connor gay!)

[kachinnate]

,,,,okay i know i just said i wasn’t going to talk about the deh movie but actually yeah imma talk about it for just a sec bc y’all actually make me legitimately distressed sajkfndsmjkgds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQ_A0H1otc i dont have the braincells to do a shot by shot analysis right now but here’s what we’re lookin at

under a readmore because ghhhhhhh

firstly, let me lead with this: yes, from what we know, there’s a lot of things wrong with this movie. 

the worst, in my humble opinion, being the bts treatment of the (very few) actors of color, and the lack altogether of any production team members of color. that’s something that should be acknowledged, talked about, and fucking dug into especially at the current fucking period of time we’re living in. it’s unsurprising, but disgusting nonetheless, and it set this movie up for failure from the very beginning. i’m a white person so by no means so i feel inclined or like i have any authority in saying what one should feel wrt all of that, however i will say if there’s to be a boycott in not watching this movie, that should 100% be the reason why. it’s fully poc’s choice whether or not to forgive the production team or give this movie a chance for the irredeemable shit it did in regards to handling the movie’s production. the movie imo definitely doesn’t deserve their forgiveness, but again, that is not for me to say. 

there’s some little things too that i can’t fully think of off the top of my head - like, the whole making larry connor’s stepdad thing fucking irks me, for example, but, like...... listen.

if you know me like at all, you know my favorite word is nuance.

so, i’m going to say it outright: the way you people are approaching this three minute trailer shows literally.... none?? no nuance ??? is it no-nuance november over here or ???? like i’m begging you i’m BEGGING YOU to put aside your pre-determined prejudices against this movie and like stop pretending to be a renowned film critic for ten seconds because it’s really not as outright fucking abysmal as you are saying!! and also it’s possible to have opinions that aren’t completely fucking polarized to one side because guess what, the deh movie? a piece of media! what is the shit y’all are constantly preaching about having the ability to consume media critically ? because you’re trying to cancel a fucking trailer based on the contents of the trailer alone !!!!! hello !!!!!!!!

media is bound to be problematic. if y’all were as quick to judge any movie as you did this one, guess what you wouldn’t be watching any movies like ever <3 

anyway lets get into the parts that are probably going to get me cancelled lmao 

ben platt - listen. LISTEN. listen i know he’s too old to be reprising evan we ALL know he’s too old to be reprising evan i’ve heard this same argument since the announcement was made we get it we all know. haha he’s a grandpa yes bestie ur so right ur so funny wow. i do agree that we should’ve maybe had a not-ben-platt evan moment but here’s some things to keep in mind: the arguments of “oooh ABF is right there !!!!!!” 1. who’s to say he was available? 2. the environment of a movie is so, SO much different than that of a musical -- as much as you wanna pretend you know everything from just a trailer, there’s no way of knowing what scenes were added that might’ve made the movie like.. idk possibly more intense story-wise not even COUNTING the fact that just inherently a movie set is different than a musical one? like yes ben platt might be just being used as a device but that’s probably not the sole and only reason. Also, if i see One (1) more comment about his FUCKING HAIR 😃 first of all it’s not that deep like... if you’re so distracted by an actor having their hair different that’s on you, but going as far as to call it bad or distracting or being like Vehemently a way about it? y’all i know it’s most likely not your intention but that is literally just ben platt’s natural fuckin ETHNICALLY JEWISH hair sajknfgkjds!!!! i’m not the first to make this point, but like dsjnfkjdsg!??! y’all are being so mean about it and for WHAT? again, maybe not intentional, but it reads as like high key Very antisemetic and you should.... maybe not 😳 be that way

connor. the thing about a trailer is that they don’t show you all the scenes because they want you to come see the movie. right? can we agree on that? all the connor scenes in the trailer had SEVERAL hard cuts, omitting a lot of the scene -- like the computer lab scene! we see the beginning of it, there’s a VERY obvious hard cut, and then he’s running out! in my opinion my first watch through of this trailer i had a very like “:// hmm all these actors feel a lil like dry”, but man oh man the comments ive seen about connor. holy shit guys. this boy gets 7 minutes of stage time in the actual musical, and the whole thing is we DON’T KNOW VERY MUCH ABOUT HIM. not to burst your bubble, and i by no means hate connor, i love me some good connor lives fics and stuff, but everything we write with connor being alive? that is !! speculation on our part !!!! those are headcanons and us using the little context we have!! connor doesn’t have any significant development IN THE SOURCE MATERIAL that is being adapted into a movie !!! you 1. can’t fully judge a character with already limited screentime in a 3 minute trailer, 2. can’t really call what connor has canonically in the musical as in depth character development !! what is his arc then !!!! he pushes evan, goes to the computer lab, has an outcast loner kid moment, gets upset, takes the letter, DIES. sorry stans, that’s just how it is !! and, AND, everything in between, all the idiosyncracies, that depends on the actor playing connor! speaking of, you know who the actor is playing connor in the movie? that’s right, colton ryan! so, i don’t know, maybe... have some trust in the process, in an actor who ALREADY has played connor on broadway???? and also trust that you will get more connor content then u are seeing from a 3 minute trailer!! dhgnijsdg and some of the comments on like his appearance specifically? like are you really made that he doesn’t have long hair?? they kept his nails and his rings but nahhh the hair was apparently a MUST HAVE (even though like.. not all connor actors on broadway always had/have long hair but w/e).. REGARDLESS. tldr on THAT , the movie would have to do a pretty shitty job if they want to take something from someone who doesn’t have much to begin with and i think y’all are being extremely harsh on this point 

jared. honestly i’m a bit worried too about the like... name change, because it does have the potential to be taking out some representation, but... they did change the name to fit the actor’s ethnicity? it’s a really [hmm] topic because, again, from a trailer and from what we have been told we don’t KNOW a lot of the context, but i think it’s important to remember that uh.. jewish people aren’t just? always white ?? there’s a possibility they changed the last name to fit with the [ethnicity] while keeping him jewish?? ofc there’s the possibility that they Didn’t and ... again hm that’s its own thing altogether but just reiterates the point that you can’t knock a whole movie just based on the trailer. you can’t talk about things you know nothing about. 

alana. same thing as before, you can’t.... completely bash a character based on a 3 minute trailer. there was discussion about how she seemed ‘shy’ when talking to evan, which like.. maybe she is but also that scene was them talking in a library like if u actually take notice of what’s happening in the scene jdskngsd though i do share the general consensus with many others that she won’t get a lot of screen-time but that’s neither here nor there 😔 moving on

scenes and the setting. one of the things i was most like.. tentative about in regards to a switch from a musical to a movie was how they were like... going to do certain scenes? naturally, a lot has to be different when we’re going from a minimal stage set to an entire movie with like.. settings. there are going to be new scenes because a movie lends to have like, physical places that aren’t just [evan’s bedroom] and [murphy kitchen] and [implied school]. so new scenes, new conversations, slightly different pacing.. this is all to be expected right like are y’all geneuinely surprised here or ........

there’s a lot we aren’t seeing yet because this is a TRAILER. again i already mentioned this re: connor but like... again, y’all are making some Claims that just... fucking outlandish. there are so many moments in the trailer that are very obvious Hard Cuts. you don’t have all the information yet. you are angry at a tiny fragment of something that is confusing you because you don’t have all the context. is there a chance that some of this shit is just genuinely Bad? yeah but you really cannot 100000% say it with your chest and gauge it without seeing the movie and understanding what that scene is in context. lowkey uhhh saw some jokes about the zoe scene in the car and :’))) ? jesus? christ????

concluding thoughts because my brain hurts but like. you don’t have to like the movie. you don’t have to WATCH the movie. like all media if you choose to consume the movie you should do so with some CRITICAL THOUGHT. but, just like the novel (and i do not want to have any discussions about that i don’t care if you think it’s good Or bad that’s not what this is about) you guys are going in this WANTING to believe it’s bad and completely polarizing your thoughts on what this is going to be. yeah, maybe there shouldn’t be a movie. i genuinely think we could’ve gone without. but it’s just a piece of media, it’s not a progression like all your (musical is good, novel is bad, MOVIE IS WORSE OH NO) posts are suggesting. they are all just. different pieces of media stemming from a source. at the end of the day it’s just a fucking movie. if you already hate it so much, guess what? you don’t have to watch it! you don’t have to put so much needless fucking hate into a 3 MINUTE TRAILER. you can stop being performative and dissing it for its poor treatment of POC while then going on to make fun of ben platt’s hair and just targeting a different group like! please !!!

i’m not trying to be a fuckin’ advocate for this movie because there’s so much opportunity for it to suck, i do Not have high hopes for it, and i’m not even really sure i want to watch it (i bought the novel when it came out and have yet to read it, and i’m sure the movie will like.. elicit very similar vibes from me lsdngjkdsg like im just not uhhh feeling it) but y’know what? watching the trailer did not bring forth the fucking onslaught of hatred in me that apparently has fuckin posessed all of y’all and like djnsgjksdg plagued my dashboard for this whole evening. don’t come into my inbox trying to like.. argue with me about this (preemptively im turning off anon because i like i Can’t lmao) this is just like... a rant i needed to get out of me real quick. 

SO. tldr for now: have critical thought about shit you consume, there’s no ethical consumption under [the film industry], you can’t judge a movie entirely on its trailer, and y’all need to calm the fuck down 

[wasteofart]

So I just finished watching the new DEH movie and.. I have a lot of different feelings.

First of all, I've seen so many bad reviews and opinions about not only the movie but the story itself (including the play). Which surprised me because, although I've been part of the fandom for a while now, I've never really seen any actual 'hate' aside from the usual character preferences and such. However reading the reviews along with hearing the news about the casting, song changes and Ben Platt's age I was not looking forward to watching this movie.

I have to say I love the play and although or maybe because it shouldn't be taken as a unproblematic or even romantic story, I do find a certain beauty in it that I'm sure others appreciate as well. Reading so many reviews about how Evan is the bad guy, how they only try to make us sympathize with him and still fail miserably made me wonder. I personally never saw Evan as a saint or an innocent person but I never saw what made people hate him. (The same goes for Connor and the other characters but I don't want to go in too much depth here.) The way he is portrayed (both in the play as well as in the movie) you get a good insight of how he's struggling to keep from making mistakes which, in my opinion doesn't make him a bad person but someone who does bad things. It's not an excuse for what he does but it's giving reason and thus people can decide whether his actions are excusable or not. Which you see with Zoe in the end, she still things Evan's actions were wrong but she accepts that he has made a mistake and can move on from that.

Coming back to the movie, I think they did quite a good job bringing the emotions and the overall feeling of the play to the big screen. It's not the best movie I've seen but certainly not the worst, like some reviews made it out to be. The music was surprisingly better than what I've expected it to be after seeing the trailers and teasers and even the additional songs had a nice touch. However, I think cutting some of the original songs took away certain aspects that help understand some of the character's actions. For example I feel like cutting 'Disappear' makes people not really get where the whole 'Connor Project' thing is coming from. I've read about people saying that especially this song shows Evan's egoistic approach of using the whole situation for his own good wherefore cutting the song would make people sympathize with him more. But to be honest, if any I've always read the song as well as Evan's intentions as wanting to help the others (even if only for his own peace of mind) rather than him being selfish and wanting attention. Since they completely got rid of Connor's 'ghost' I get that this scene along with many others might've lead to confusion. On the other hand having Evan imagine Connor talk to him about how everyone matters, which is actually Evan convincing himself that he does matter, is a big part of the story that I was somehow missing in the movie. I'm not sure people who don't know the play will understand Evan's actions, that he was helping the Murphys because he's trying to help himself. As well as him treating Connor the way he wishes people would treat him, namely not as a broken person but as someone who is struggling but still deserves to be heard instead of disappearing.

With the play in mind and it's additional insights to the story, I think the movie did well. In the beginning there were quite a few scenes that were so weird in an almost cheap kind of way that I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep watching but that quickly changed once things got more serious. Cutting 'Does anybody have a Map' probably took away some of the introducing of the characters because the movie jumps right in to Evan's first day at school which leaves the viewer a little lost in my opinion.

They probably could've done a better job with the casting or with the setups and also some of the cinematographic effects like cuts or just staging in general but those things are a choice and who am I to judge how someone likes their art.

There was a rather big focus on Alana which wasn't bad but unexpected. The idea of having someone else who feels like Evan at least adds to people understanding him better. Whether that be for the better or not. It didn't feel forced but I'm sure they only added it in for that one reason.

A lot of small things were changed in the movie like Jared being Indian, Alana being mentally ill, Larry being the step-dad, Connor writing songs. And while they might be small they changed quite a bit about the different characters and I see why people don't like it. Changing facts is one thing and understandable because a play isn't a movie and these different media work differently story telling wise. But the reasons and consequences these changes had weren't the best to say the least. Erasing Jared's Jewish background, making Alana a pushy and maybe even manipulative person who posted the letter in her own and Larry not being their real dad raises questions and I get that it leaves a bitter taste I comparison to the play.

I really don't get why people say they hate the story. Not sure if they meant DEH in general or just the movie because it was basically the same story. Because, yes it might be problematic at some points showing Evan lie to get what he wants and so on, but I think people forget what the story is actually about namely that no matter how many mistakes someone makes they're still valid and deserve appreciation. And the movie definitely made that point. The slight changes in the end really had a nice touch for me. They showed that Connor and his memory mattered not because Evan was his best friend and because of everything they did for the project. But because he was an actual person with interests and hobbies and not just a name on a locker. It makes you remember that although you might not know someone, they still have feelings and struggles and that people should take that into account when facing another person.

What I actually enjoyed was the way they showed Evan's memories about his fall. Since they cut Connor's ghost who gets Evan to realize what he had actually done when he fell, they had to show it differently so the viewer would understand that Evan didn't in fact fall. Especially the scene before 'So Big/ So Small' was heartwarming as well as the one scene Larry actually broke down after keeping it together for so long. I also don't think the acting was necessarily bad, at least it didn't caught my attention anywhere in particular.

Another thing I think the movie did quite well (maybe even better than the play) is portray Connor as the problematic person he was. In the play you see him being a dick for 10 minutes and for the remaining 2 hours you see this sarcastic and almost funny ghost, an imagine created by Evan. In the movie they had him actually scream in Evan's face, show him sit alone and be mocked in school and his dark and messy room with holes punched through the walls. The song in the end cheered up his image but they still did a great job at showing his fucked up side, something a lot of people like to overlook.

All in all it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be and even if I (kind of) wanted to hate it I still enjoyed it. It was nice to watch, not boring or monotnous or anything, unlike what people said about it. Nice vibe. The only thing that bothered me was Ben's posture, he looks like an old man with that crooked back most of the time, which really didn't add to the criticism I must say. Anyway, I love Ben and I love the play so it really turned out to be a pleasant experience once getting through the weird beginning.

One little side note: One thing I'm actually mad about is having Evan reach out to people from Connor's past and finding this Derek guy when they could've easily changed that to Miguel.

Edit: What I forgot to mention was them cutting 'Good for you' and yes, it takes away the point in which Evan's construct of lies and basically his whole world starts to crumble. It's an important moment in the play and it also shows how he hurt other people. Once again a decision to make him more likable I assume. Also they completely ignored the whole thing of Evan using the situation to get with Zoe not only by never mentioning it but also by having Zoe making the first moves whicj was kind of weird.

[shadowthrone-ammanas]

prompt: Hat Kid, Bow Kid, and Mu, postgame, get along surprisingly well. Unfortuantely NONE of them have a fully working sense of danger and self-preservation. Sometimes them hanging out is just normal hangouts. Someones they get into Shenanigans. Usually someone appoints themself Voice of Reason and keeps the chaos relatively safe but sometimes that system fails. Which is why random adults, up to and including the Snatcher, have found themselves abruptly in charge of three reckless kids.

Thank you for the request!

Climbing

When Hat Kid had suggested they climb the big tree in Subcon Forest, Mu hadn’t quite known how big said tree was. She hadn’t known trees could even get that big. Even when she craned her neck up to look at it, she couldn’t see the top due to how close they stood.

“Now that I look at it again… are we sure this is a good idea?” Bow said, voicing Mu’s own doubts but…

“It’ll be fine,” she said. While this wasn’t Mu’s first time in Subcon Forest, she didn’t get to come here often. She wanted to see more of it, the top of the tree was the best place to do that – and as long as Cooking Cat never found out about this specific adventure, she wouldn’t even need to sit through a safety lecture later like she had with a few other adventures of theirs. “We climb trees and stuff all the time and barely ever fall.”

“Yeah,” Hat Kid agreed. “Now let’s go. Race you guys to the top.” She took off, leaving Bow and Mu little choice but to follow.

Hat Kid started climbing first followed shortly by Bow, landing Mu in last place. For now, anyway. She was taller than them now, her arms and legs longer, she should be able to overtake them easily.

Climbing it was actually quite easy. Its bark was thick and lumpy, providing plenty of hand and footholds. Reaching the beginning of the tree’s many branches made their progress quicker. It was almost like it was made for climbing.

Mu remained behind though, not much but enough to be mildly frustrating. She decided to change that about halfway up. She started moving faster, going for riskier branches to pull herself up with. It paid off as she passed Bow. She was closing in Hat Kid now, just little more and…

The branch she’d grabbed to pull herself up snapped with a loud crack. Suddenly she was falling. Air whistled past her ears as, branches painfully whipping her as she fell through them. She closed her eyes with a whimper. She couldn’t die like this, she…

She jerked to a stop just as suddenly. Something had caught her cape. A branch probably. She needed to grab onto something before it broke under her weight!

She opened her eyes and froze, putting her hands over her mouth to stifle a yelp of surprise. It wasn’t a tree branch that had caught her but the infamous Snatcher and he did not look pleased.

“What made you idiots think this was a good idea?” he asked, turning his frown away from Mu, keeping hold of her by her cape.

“It’s fun,” Hat Kid replied. “But uh… Mu, are you okay?”

Mu managed to twist herself to look up at Hat Kid and Bow still halfway up the tree. She gave a thumbs up because she was okay, just shaken a bit.

Snatcher sighed. “Of course you think it’s fun, you’re insane. I suggest coming back down now though because I’m not going to catch the next one of you that falls.”

“Catch me too,” Bow called before jumping.

Despite what he’d just said, Snatcher jerked into motion to catch her with his other hand. “You idiot children!” Oh, he was mad now.

Bow giggled, almost just as insane as Hat Kid. “Thank you.”

Snatcher growled, sounding a lot like a rabid animal and sending a chill down Mu’s spine. But despite that he was almost kind of gentle as he lowered Mu the rest of the way to the forest floor. He put Bow done too before looking back up at Hat Kid. Free from his grasp Mu was half tempted to run but… she needed to know how this played out. According to Hat Kid, Snatcher wasn’t as evil as his reputation made him out to be. The fact that he’d saved Mu’s life and then caught Bow hinted that that might actually be the case. So it was probably safe to stay and watch whatever happened next.

“Kid,” he said. “I’m serious, I will drag your dumbass back down here if you don’t start climbing down this instant.”

Hat Kid’s face wasn’t visible from down here but it was easily to imagine. It was probably the same look of annoyance she had any time an adult came along and ruined one of their adventures, regardless of whether or not they were justified in interfering. “Ugh, fine Dad.”

“I’m not your dad so don’t call me…”

Hat Kid jumped. She was insane, both her and Bow Kid. Snatcher caught her of course mere seconds after her leap of faith towards him.

“Wee,” she said with a giggle, looking up at his shocked expression that quickly morphed into a scowl.

“Why would you do that?” he said.

“It’s the fastest way down,” Hat Kid replied with a giggle.

“I should’ve let you fall and break your useless neck.”

“You’d never do that. You care way too much about me to let me get hurt. That’s why you were watching us, right? To make sure we wouldn’t get hurt.”

“I was not watching you. I just happened to be passing by when your friend fell and decided to catch her because the last thing I need right now is to deal with you pests dying and becoming damn ghosts in my forest. Because then you would never leave.”

“You keep telling yourself that.” Hat Kid’s bravery was forever to be admired.

Bow had moved over to stand by Mu. “This is what we meant when we told you he’s a big ‘soon-deh-ray’,” she whispered. “He cares, he just doesn’t want to admit it for some reason.”

That certainly seemed to be the case as he lowered Hat Kid to ground to stand next to them. “You three,” he gestured to them, frowning, “no more climbing trees. If you must play in the forest, it’s going to be a safer activity than that. In fact, I know just the thing.”

The world around the four of them shifted to purple. When it faded, they were in a what looked like a village. Subcon Village if Mu had to guess, she’d never been to it before but Hat Kid and Bow had mentioned it a few times.

“You guys are going to play ball with the Subconites,” Snatcher said. “One of them has a soccer ball somewhere. Find it and entertain yourselves for while instead of being a nuisance.” With that he vanished.

“I don’t think he’s actually gone,” Hat Kid said as she turned back to face Mu and Bow. “He’s still watching us to make sure we don’t run off and get in ‘trouble’ again.”

Mu glanced all around but saw no trace of him. Which made sense, this was his domain, he should be able to hide in it near flawlessly. “Why is he like that though? If he cares why wouldn’t he say so? What if somebody he cares about gets the wrong idea and gets upset when he pretends he hates them or whatever?”

“Well uh… I think that’s what he wants.” Hat Kid shrugged. “He wants to push people away because of bad stuff that happened to him when he was alive.”

Mu had trouble picturing Snatcher as a living being, though he had to have been at some point, right? “What kind of stuff?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why not? I want to know.” How could Hat Kid just dangle that bit of juicy gossip in front of Mu and not deliver on it?

“It’s not her place to tell,” Bow said. “She didn’t even tell me. Just like I can’t tell you guys stuff I know about Moonjumper. And if you knew any of Cooking Cat’s dirty secrets, you wouldn’t feel right telling us, right?”

“Uh… yeah, I guess so.”

“Good!” Hat Kid said. “Now let’s go find that soccer ball and play whatever soccer is. I’m sure the Subconites will teach us, they’re pretty good about that kind of thing.”

Well, it wouldn’t be as fun as climbing a big tree but honestly, Mu maybe wasn’t in the mood to do that anymore anyway. It wasn’t everyday one got a chance to play around in Snatcher’s forest and have it be okay. And it was still something new.

For this drabble event.

[nostalgicbones]

evan is not actually an asshole

to preface: this is not a pro-infantilizing anxiety post. i don’t agree with making anxiety evan’s sole personality trait, or giving him a stutter he doesn’t possess, or just generally making him seem babyish and naive. as someone with anxiety myself, i appreciate the fact that deh doesn’t water down the negative consequences that can come from a bad anxiety spiral. he is not an angel, he cannot do no wrong, he is a whole person.

however, in response to that, what i’ll dub ‘uwu evan’ from now on, is a version i'd like to call ‘asshole evan’. asshole evan is typically approached as a counter to uwu evan, and is framed as the ‘realistic’ interpretation of him, as opposed to the watered down, infantilized trope. it’s the belief that deep down, evan’s not a good person, actually, or even a nice one: that he’s hardened, bitter, and edgy, and the fact that he typically presents himself politely is only a side effect of his anxiety making him afraid to speak his mind.

sharing my takes isn’t usually my thing, but i haven’t seen any content countering this concept so... here i am. this is how that response makes me feel. buckle up kids, it’s a long one.

i’m not going to fault you if this was your response to uwu evan. it really does make sense: soft baby evan bad and unrealistic… hard edgy evan good and realistic. the problem with both of these takes is that in the end they’re equally watered down and there is no room for the in between. if you’re at all familiar with the show you know it lives in a morally grey space, so why should we boil down the characters to black and white ideas of them?

often, the argument for evan’s secret assholeish internal life would be thus: he’s anxious, he’s depressed, he’s fed up with the world. he hates himself, he hates everyone else, he doesn’t even wanna live, so why would he genuinely be kind inside? he’s made awful mistakes, so regardless of intent, he’s a selfish bitter asshole. some may say he’s redeemable, others may not, this aspect varies person to person. there are a lot of people who dislike the show who say the same things, and tout them as excusing negative behavior. the novel has also often been cited, but i am vehemently against holding the novel to any more weight than a fanfic, and i believe val’s characterization of evan is equally misguided.

the problem with this approach towards evan is it’s an overly clinical, surface idea of his character, and what teenagers are like in general. he’s anxious and depressed, and very much fed up, but he still humors his mom when she rambles to him about how college will be better. he hates himself, but he doesn’t hate everyone else, rather the self hatred manifests in placing others on an unrealistically positive pedestal, like how he views zoe. even if every other thought going through his head was one of hatred and vitriol, intrusive thoughts are a symptom of anxiety and what you think does not dictate who you are.

he is not a baby, he is not an edgelord, he is just a boy. he swears, but to a lesser degree than those around him, and more so when he’s stressed or upset. he doesn’t stutter, but he stumbles over words and often repeats them if he’s under pressure. his initial intent with the murphy’s is simply to let them have some peace before the lies get out of hand and he makes selfish decisions. after it’s all over he truly feels remorse, and would take it all back if he could. he doesn’t see the world in a negative lens, he sees himself in a negative lens, and by comparison everyone else actually seems better than him. you can have rose colored glasses and be depressed simultaneously.

good intentions are fundamentally laced into his character. the whole reason the Big Lie is ever told is because, after he begins to deny connor ever wrote the letter, cynthia violently breaks down—and in an impulsive moment of empathy, instead of telling the truth he hands her back the letter she’s pinned so much of her heart to. this act alone is not that of an opportunistic asshole, this is the act of a fearful, empathetic boy that wanted to ease someone's pain.

this is not to say there are not assholes in the show, or that assholeish traits make a character automatically irredeemable. jared is proudly an asshole, he does not have any filter and he says more than a few harsh things towards evan and others. he outright bullies connor, exploits the tragedy by making memorabilia for his own gain, and never apologizes for anything whatsoever. that’s not all he is, as he’s also a complex character who cares much more deeply then he’d let on, and seems to genuinely want a closer relationship with evan; but he does have some bitter walls put up to protect himself from getting hurt.

i think it’s pretty clear evan is decidedly not an asshole when compared to jared. in most scenes with him, evan is visibly uncomfortable and makes no effort to defend himself or even playfully jab back at him. he internalizes the fact that jared projects that they’re not ‘real’ friends, and his teasing about his ‘sex letter’ escalates his fears about anyone finding out that he actually wrote it, not connor. despite all of this, he still seems to try to be friendly with jared and until he’s caught up in the mess of lies is genuinely nice to him without the same courtesy in return.

evan shouldn’t be boiled down to one aspect of himself. not his anxiety, not his depression, not any of it. he hates himself. he wants to be a better person. he doesn’t stand up for himself. he lies, a lot. he notices small things other people don’t. he snaps at his mom. he hates public speaking. he forges emails between himself and a dead boy. he struggles with thoughts of suicide. he doesn’t want to be forgotten. he doesn’t want anyone else to be forgotten, either. these are complex traits of a complex character, who is not a baby, and not an asshole.

the hyper-focus on asshole evan being the more realistic, or correct conclusion to come to, specifically, is quite a damaging stance to take in my eyes. it implies that you can’t make mistakes without them defining you. it implies that, realistically, you can’t be like evan (anxious, depressed, suicidal, socially awkward) without a bitterness towards the world. realistically, you can’t be a teenager without swearing gratuitously, or dealing out sarcasm, or fuming internally about those around you—and that’s just not the case. you don’t have to make evan an asshole to come to a realistic interpretation of his innermost feelings. choosing to be kind, first and foremost, is not ingenuine or a weakness caused by his anxiety.

i know people in this fandom really, genuinely enjoy food for thought, so i wanted to share how i’ve felt about this issue for a while now. i am, personally, someone who thinks and acts a whole lot like evan does in the show, so when people snap back from uwu evan to say he’s actually just an asshole without the balls to speak his mind? it bothers me. bad decisions do not define who you are. intentions do, however, weigh in on whether you’re an asshole or not. evan’s intent is always, always to do good. the outcome of this can be, as we all know, more than disastrous. but he never set out to cause hurt and destruction, he set out to ease someone’s pain. that is not the mark of an asshole, that is the mark of a complex person doing their best.

as a final note i’m really not here to police people’s interpretations of characters. i think a huge part of the magic of this show is what an individual makes of it, and that there are no fundamentally Wrong interpretations to be had (except maybe that it was boring or tasteless, or that evan’s dead at the end.) i’ve just seen this idea gaining traction and it’s upsetting to me that it’s framed as the only Rational and Realistic conclusion to come to after watching the show, when to me so much of DEH displays evan’s self-destructively empathetic and hopeful disposition, and that’s a huge part of why i personally find him real and relatable.

if you disagree you’re welcome to disregard everything i said and keep scrolling. if you agree let me know because i’ve felt pretty alone in these feelings!! ;0; and either way if you got this far THANK YOU for enduring my rambling and considering my ideas, i really appreciate it <33

[sincerelyreidburke]

I know you only talked about it like, once in a post but could you please tell me more about drunk Quinn?

Yes, absolutely, anon. Drunk Quinn is an experience. Here’s the post in question where I mentioned it, and let’s expand on it.

(Ask me anything about the crickets!)

- Quinn drinks in very specific (and relatively rare) settings. Unlike his frat-bro boyfriend, he doesn’t really like getting lit up at parties on the regular. Rest assured Nando, when he does this, does it safely and in good company, but the fact remains that he’s often down to party.

- Quinn is a bit different. His idea of drinking at a kegster is having rosé out of a Solo cup with Ford. There are two places where Quinn will actually drink to the point of becoming tipsy: drama club cast parties (the closing-night ones, where they get champagne), and when he goes out with the crickets.

- First, let’s do the former, because the latter is way funnier. When Quinn is drinking at a cast party, it’s because he just finished a performance, and he had a really good time. He’s relieved that everything went well, in a place he loves, and happy. Closing nights can be magical like that. It’s this liminal space between performance craziness and the post-show “what am I supposed to do with my life now?” feeling.

- The first time Quinn gets actually tipsy is probably freshman year at the DEH cast party. They play random showtunes, and he sings along while eating the cake that has a frosting tree on it. His cheeks always get rosy when he drinks. Nando thinks it’s adorable.

- And so those are the cast parties. The far more entertaining version of Drunk Quinn comes when he and the 3 crickets, uh......... go clubbing.

- I mean specifically they go to gay bars. It starts around their sophomore year, and the reason they go is to support Rhodey’s secret undercover drag queen life to be in a fun queer space where they can also have a good time. (And yes, Touille is ace, but he’s going for the experience of hanging out with his friends and not to do Specifically Gay things. Also, he’s the designated driver.)

- Stick with me because this is funny. Quinn lets himself actually.......... become a little laid-back when he goes out with them? Those three boys are his best friends (even though he’s dating one of them). Like, he does have theatre friends, some really close ones, but when it comes down to it, the crickets are his closest friends.

- So that translates to Quinn being able to actually drink quite a bit. One time he and Rhodey go shot for shot. It’s terrifying.

- We all know that Quinn is kind of a bossy little bitch, but he tends to talk a lot more shit when he’s drunk than any other time. Drunk Quinn will spill all the unnecessary drama club tea.

- He makes Nando dance with him, even though Nando’s dancing skills are questionable at best. (He just wants the excuse to dance like a low-key thot for once in his life. Clubbing Quinn is a whole new person. Nando goes into gay panic.)

- There’s also the extremely vivid thought of Quinn making people do karaoke with him, like:

Quinn: C’mon, Remy, we can do Celine Dion! You’re Canadian, so you like her, right?

Touille: Oh, Q, I don’t really sing— (Gets physically yanked from his seat by Quinn to go up on the little stage)

- The videos of what transpires afterwards are copious.

- And on the thought of videos, Rhodey will often whip out his phone, start a Snapchat video, and say, yo, Q! Explain the plot of [x musical] to me! There are copious videos of Quinn essentially doing Drunk History in the backseat of Rhodey’s car, except it’s explaining musicals.

- So... Name That Show, based on Drunk Quinn’s explanations:

“Look... Dorothy was a little brat, okay? The Wicked Witch did nothing wrong. All she wanted was the shoes to remember her sister by... *Possibly shedding actual tears* Nessa deserved better!—”

“Umm... he broke his arm? And then he’s so socially awkward that he accidentally becomes a compulsive liar. :).”

“Well, it’s basic United States history, Ben; don’t you pay attention in class?????”

“PFF, okay, so, this bitch totally murders her secret lover and then she spends the entire rest of the show explaining why she’s obviously innocent—”

“Twelve-year-olds unionizing...... featuring vigorous tap dancing.”

“Hold on, hold on, I can do this, okay, uhh........ so they’re in France, and everybody’s life is awful....... so the main character is an ex-con, and everybody hates him because he stole bread— shut up, Sebastián, I’m thinking— and he’s traveling around trying to find a place to live, and, uh, wait, I lost my train of thought— okay, they all hate capitalism, and they try to revolt against the government, but— why are you looking at me like that?”

“I don’t fucking know, Ben; it’s just singing cats!”

- Quinn is extremely handsy when he’s drunk. To the point where Rhodey and Touille literally make him and Nando sit separate from each other, like Nando in the front and Quinn in the back, so Quinn doesn’t try any funny business when they’re on their way home from the bar.

- Nando usually carries him home. He never drinks to the point of being unable to walk on his own, but for someone who’s always graceful when sober, he stumbles more than he’d like to when he’s been drinking. It’s easier for Nando to just lift him up.

- Commence burying his face in his neck and mumbling things that might be vaguely spicy for a public place but it’s okay because Nando is the only one who hears them.

- But he usually just ends up snuggling a lot when they get in bed, even though he might think he’s up for more than that. Nando makes sure he drinks water, and Quinn clings onto him until he falls asleep.

Drunk Quinn is an experience. Thank you for enabling this information dump.

[permanantheadache]

It’s officially the 5th where I am! Happy DEH Gift Exchange! @sincerely-us My person was @iellostar Hope you like this!!

The prompts were: evan and connor on a road trip. like, to set the scene: like those aus of people running away and disappearing when they turn 18. And: Connor comes out to his dad and it doesnt go well, he goes to evans and heidi and evan comfort him and its super sweet and cute.     And, like....for the art I did the first one, but...I kind of also did fic. Because I was worried that this drawing wasn’t very good. So, I combined the two prompts and made the fic below. It’s also on Ao3

Connor is smiling. It’s a gentle thing, this smile. Warm, happy. It’s Evan’s favorite, even though it’s the rarest.

Evan has been watching this smile form for the past hour. The further they get away from civilization, from all the drama waiting for them back home, the more relaxed Connor gets.

Anxiety and anger and stress leach away from his face, softening the line of his shoulders until he’s practically slumping in his seat.

“You’re staring,” Connor says. It’s not a complaint.

“I have a cute boyfriend,” Evan counters anyway.

Connor rolls his eyes, but his cheeks turn pink. “No, you.”

The road around them is deserted, which is how Evan’s anxiety likes it. This is the main reason he doesn’t protest when Connor takes one hand off the wheel to lace with Evan’s.

Evan pulls their joined hands up to give Connor’s knuckles a kiss.

--

It’s Heidi’s idea, originally. Long before Connor and Evan are even dating, she suggests that the two of them take a roadtrip, the summer before college. She thinks getting away from the stress of school and work, as well as their peers, might do them a lot of good.

She references Evan’s pin map, the one he abandoned at the beginning of the year--he’s replaced some of the old pins in their spots, as well as adding new pins to places that Connor mentions he’d like to see someday.

Heidi’s pleased that Evan’s retaken up his old habit, but she’s a little too smug about those new pins for his liking.

They have nothing to do with his crush on Connor, mom!

Not…not that he has a crush on Connor.

…

Okay, yes, he’s completely gone on Connor.

Thankfully, as Evan finds out later, Connor reciprocates those feelings!

But that’s a story for another time.

Connor is completely on board with Heidi’s idea, once it’s brought up to him. He’s perfectly happy to spend some time away from his family, especially if Evan’s there. The three of them make a cautious plan that, the month after graduation, Connor and Evan will hit the road.

Heidi, after nearly thirteen years of single-parenthood, is a master at budgeting. She helps them plan out where they’ll stay and the costs. It’s more than a little confusing to both boys, but to Connor especially. He’s shit at math and numbers.

Between their two jobs, and Heidi and Connor’s mother helping, they should be perfectly fine, money-wise, to do what they’d like.

“I wanna go to Bear Mountain,” Connor tells Evan.

Evan blinks, surprised. “I mean, me too, but isn’t hiking more my thing?” His eyes widen and he tries to backtrack. “Not that I think you don’t exercise! I just--”

“Let’s be real, I don’t exercise,” Connor scoffs, cutting Evan’s panic off at the knees. “But it’s in On the Road and you know I’m a hoe for anything to do with books.”

“Yeah, but you’re my hoe.”

“...”

“You know what I meant, asshole!”

--

They end up having to move up their timeline by a week. Because Larry and Connor get into their worst fight since the beginning of the school year.

The thing is, Connor and Evan have been open about their relationship to Heidi since the very beginning. And they tell Cynthia not long after. Both women are, to put it lightly, overly supportive of their relationship. It’s genuine, but Connor can tell that some of Cynthia’s furver stems from guilt. And because Evan and Connor have been mentally healthier since they became friends.

(They both still have their bad days. Some are worse than others. But, it helps. To not be alone.)

Unfortunately, Cynthia broaches the topic of telling Larry.

And she keeps bringing it up.

It takes two full months of convincing before Connor agrees to tell--if only to stop her nagging him.

Because Connor is a realist, he expresses his doubt to Evan. Larry has never been the most accepting--even about things that most straight, white men at least tolerate.

Connor won’t say that he’s worried, per say. But he’s got a bad feeling in his gut. And his gut is rarely wrong.

--

Connor has an emergency bag stashed at the Hansen house.

The first time that Connor has a fight with his family, post-becoming-friends with Evan, Connor crawls in through Evan’s bedroom window. It’s the middle of October, and freezing, and Connor has on shorts and a thin shirt. He’s shivering, in rage and because he’s cold.

After Evan gets done shrieking at the potential burglar, he loans Connor some sweats and makes him hot chocolate. He gets down all the spare blankets and make a cocoon in the living room.

Connor spends the night. The sweats are too short, but he wears them anyway. They don’t talk about what drove him to Evan’s house. They watch Food Network in near comfortable silence (though Evan can’t stop the worried look he keeps aiming at Connor, and Connor can’t fully relax until he’s passed out).

Connor crawls through Evan’s bedroom window three more times before Heidi (having caught on after the second time) gives him a spare key and a suggestion that he keep extra clothes in Evan’s closet.

“We’re always happy to have you over,” she tells him gently, closing his hand around the key she’s put in it. She’s smiling, her gentle amusement crinkling her eyes. “Just, maybe use the door?”

And so, there comes to be a small backpack filled with just enough clothes for an overnight visit and something for the next day.

At first.

Over time, the contents of the bag shift, as Connor comes over for impromptu sleepovers--and, as he and Evan became closer friends, more scheduled sleepovers--and switch out the clothes for fresh ones.

Eventually, Evan, kind of tired of how over-full the bag is getting (he keeps tripping over it when he needs something from the back of the closet), cleans out the bottom drawer of his dresser and puts all of Connor’s things in there.

It feels like something permanent, Connor having his own drawer in Evan’s house.

--

Connor drives, half-blind from the angry tears streaming down his face, until he reaches the familiar street that the Hansens’ reside on. He probably parks crooked.

He doesn’t care.

His hand is shaking as he pulls out his phone.

Connor: Im outisde

Fukc

Im outsidee

He can’t fucking type properly because his hands are shaking and he’s crying too hard and he hates this he hates his dad he hates himself he hates--

“--hey, Con, hey.”

He didn’t hear the car door open. Evan’s blurry figure is beside him, close but not touching. Connor nearly lunges to pull his boyfriend against him, immediately burying his face in Evan’s neck. He desperately needs the contact.

Evan is good at hugs.

(When Connor brings it up, their first month of dating, Evan goes deeply red. But he hugs Connor even more after that, so he counts it as a win.)

He breathes in Evan’s scent, a woodsy floral thing that never fails to send some signal to Connor’s brain that he’s safe . That, paired with the shaky hand running over his hair, practically hard-resets all the tension in his body.

He doesn’t know how long he stands there, curled around Evan’s body, but eventually he finds himself pulling away. “I fucking hate crying,” he grumbles, voice crackly from tears. He scrubs at his face roughly.

Evan pulls Connor’s hands away from his face. He keeps holding them. “C’mon, you can wash your face. And you’re probably dehydrated now, so I’ll get you some water. Otherwise—”

“—otherwise I’m gonna end up with a migraine,” Connor agrees. He’s suddenly exhausted. He allows Evan to lead him inside.

—

Heidi is on the phone when they come in. Her back is to the door, so she doesn’t see them right away. “Yes, Cynthia, of course I’ll look out for him. Yes. As long as he needs to be here. He’s like a son to me.”

Connor can’t hold back the intake of breath at her words--she actually seems to mean them. It makes his chest ache. His eyes burn anew.

Heidi turns at his small noise. Her eyes go wide, and then soften with sadness and affection. “He’s here Cynthia. I’ll have him call you later.” She puts down the phone and immediately gathers him into a hug. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

Connor crumples in her hold, going limp against her. And, he finds, he is not quite done crying.

There’s a brush of another hand on Connor’s back. “I’ll go get you that water,” Evan says gently. He leaves the two of them alone.

Heidi leads Connor over to sit on the couch. He sits, curling against her like a little kid. She’s patting at his hair. It’s nice.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Connor shrugs. “Did my mom tell you what happened?” he asks, after a moment. His voice is scratchy as hell.

“She said that you and Larry had an argument.”

He scoffs. “That’s putting it lightly.”

She waits for him to go on.

“I just.” He sighs. “You and my mom and Zoe--you guys were all happy when Ev and I got together. I wanted. Part of me just wanted Larry to at least…accept it.” He laughs. It’s not a happy sound. “It’s not like I’ve ever exactly hidden the fact that I’m not super hetero.”

“Sometimes we’re blind to things we don’t want to see,” Heidi says gently.

Evan sits down next to them, placing three cups of water on the coffee table. He takes Connor’s hand again.

Connor chokes on a sob. “I don’t get why the hell it hurts so bad? It’s Larry , I shouldn’t be so cut up about this!”

It’s Evan who speaks, squeezing at their laced hands. “He should’ve been supportive of you. It’s not your fault he’s a--a shitty human being.”

“I don’t want to see him,” Connor confesses. “I don’t--I can’t…”

“Well, you’re staying here, honey,” Heidi says, firm. “As long as you want. Cynthia is sending Zoe over with your stuff in the morning.”

“I’m sorry. I’m shoving all my garbage off on you guys.” He feels like such a burden.

“Hon, we care about you. The people in your life that care, they help carry anything you can’t.”

Connor sits up, rubs at his running nose. Evan hands him a glass of water. He drinks half of it down. “‘M tired,” he says.

“It’s late,” Heidi agrees. “You boys should go ahead and lay down.”

Connor and Evan are still holding hands as they make their way upstairs. They curl up together on Evan’s tiny bed, but neither of them sleep yet.

Evan is tracing circles across Connor’s back with his free hand. His voice is quiet. “How would you feel about leaving this week, instead of next?”

Connor slumps in relief, giving a brief, jerky nod.. “That would actually be perfect.” His hold on Evan tightens. “I don’t…I can’t stay in the same town with him. I think I’ll lose my shit if I see him.”

“Valid. I think I might punch him if I see him.”

“Babe.”

“I’m serious. He hurt you, I hate him.”

--

They’re driving down to Harriman State Park, their first stop--mainly due to its proximity to Bear Mountain and the Appalachian trail.

It’s sunny, but not hot. It’s the perfect temperature for a hike. At least, according to Evan.

Connor has to sit down on a rock twenty minutes in. He’s sweating buckets and glaring at Evan. Evan is entirely too cheerful. “How are you so upbeat?” Connor whines. He reluctantly accepts an offered water bottle. “Don’t you hate sweating?”

“Of course I do, but when I’m sweating because I’m doing something I enjoy, it doesn’t affect me as much.”

Connor smirks behind his water bottle, giving Evan a raised eyebrow.

“Oh shut the hell up, you know what I meant!”

“Do I?”

“I’m not the one wearing black!”

--

The sun is just beginning to set when they make camp. Which is something that Connor actually knows how to do.

Those few years in Boy Scouts that Larry forced him to do are actually useful.

Connor scowls. He’s not going to think about Larry. He’s on a trip with his awesome boyfriend and he’s not going to let anyone ruin that. Not even himself.

It’s still early enough in the summer that night time is significantly cooler. It’s the perfect temperature for cuddling. Evan and Connor take full advantage and curl up together.

“Jeezus ,” Connor squeaks, flinching away from the icicles currently assaulting his legs. “Why are your feet so cold?”

A somewhat devious giggle slips out of his boyfriend. “I have p--I have poor circulation?”

“How come I haven’t noticed this before?”

“I usually wear socks at home, but I’m not going to sleep in sweaty socks. That’s gross.”

Connor heaves a long sigh and submits to Evan sticking his freezing toes all over his shins. “You’re lucky I love you.”

Evan hums happily and says, far too seriously, “I love you, too.”

It should be a big moment, them saying those words to each other for the first time. But, Connor likes this better. He likes that they’re calm and pleasantly sleepy from the long drive and difficult hike. His muscles ache in a good way (though he won’t likely feel that way come morning). And he is cuddling with his boyfriend, who loves him.

He snuggles more firmly against Evan and drifts off to sleep.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

You're so right about the Will Roland fanart problems. It seems like back when Will Roland was only known for Jared people were way more proWill because he could be their funny meme boi who ate bathbombs but now that he's a lead with all these emotional songs it's like God forbid he's not their "twink bby". Idk it annoys me so much especially when people draw the rest of the Broadway cast and still use WillC or do an animatic with WillRs voice and WillCs character ugh like. Accept the Roland pls

lmao we are all just out here grabbing the mic like “attention all bastards: Look, just because will roland isn’t your ideal fancast for most adorable twink of the year - “

really like, i have never come across any signs of there having been any pattern in the deh fandom of ~taking issue~ with will’s Abilities to sing or play the part of a struggling teen or whatever like what crops up re: him being the lead in bmc.....it also is unsurprising yet disappointing that like, jared and alana are so easily completely ignored, but when they Are acknowledged it’s super flattened interpretations like, either they’re both hypocritical jerks (just based on evan’s gfy accusations basically lol) or if they’re actually viewed in a positive way it’s just like, alana is your friendly local Model Student and jared is memes and neither of them are in the way! :3

you litrally cannot ignore jeremy the Whole Entire Main Character tho and also like. can’t ignore the fact that caring about jeremy as a Romantique Lead is ahhh important to many ppl in the fanbase? so him being regarded as ~less cute~ is more of an Issue b/c the character must be taken seriously and is the sympathetic hero and has a lot more solo material / more of Any material / more focus than jared does in deh.........you Have To Look At Him and care about his actual feelings and not just misinterpret the character as “has no serious emotions b/c he doesn’t say serious things in a serious tone” the way ppl misinterpret jared. there’s the assumption that someone who is good / sympathetic should also be attractive / cute / Personally Appealing To Look At and that wasn’t as much a conflict when ppl didn’t think it was important to sympathize / care about / pay attention to jared too much, and the “conflict” of caring abt jeremy’s capacity for a romantic relationship but that’s less important if he’s not as Cute also not being as much an issue when most people don’t care about jared’s romantic feelings or think that they exist despite jared being in love with evan But Anyways

like it is wild the things people will just make up to “justify” their Dislike for will, which has only manifested as apparent Issues thanks to him playing jeremy rather than jared........there’s the classic “mm idk i don’t think he can sing that well” approach which like. some people are just trying to say they do not like the inherent descriptive qualities of his voice, which is more nasal obviously and don’t anyone come in here with the “Actually the Technical definition of Nasal re Vocals is” b/c we know what i mean, alright? nasal voices are not considered ~serious~ and there’s the kneejerk dumb-annoying-loser-nerd association. god knows that jeremy heere canNot have characteristics that could be automatically judged as irritating and unappealing. then there’s the notion that He doesn’t have the (vocal) range!! which like. do you honestly think they would cast someone who doesn’t have the correct range. you’re aware that will roland was being considered for the part of jeremy in the two river run up to the last round of callbacks. you know that the song that was literally written expressly to suit will roland’s individual voice and singing abilities makes use of his falsetto which people go “omg he can’t hit those high notes” except sometimes when they misattribute his falsetto to other singers they suddenly find it worth complimenting. and then you get people who like, want to subscribe to this softened version of it and get all backhanded like “oh i think will’s vocals are improving whew that’s good” in any random video and always Only single him out apparently like. did you think he gets worse with experience? you don’t wanna talk about any of these other professional singers improving or worsening or anything? only wanna give ur assessment of william’s huh

honestly i for real haven’t seen the 1.0 version b/c i’m here via will roland in the first place & i’ve never gotten the impression that there’s some Essential Content i’m missing out on by having only seen 2.0........but between a) people complaining that will r’s jeremy is Too Frustrated He Shouldn’t Be That Angry It Makes Him Less Sympathetic and b) saying just as a point of comparison betwixt the depictions that will r’s jeremy is more frustrated and c) i haven’t read That much bmc fic but people sure talk about jeremy being like five seconds away from bursting into tears at any given moment which like, okay yeah aren’t we all, but also i presume this stems from will c’s apparently Sadder portrayal of jeremy. i almost forgot where i was going with this one but i think it’s just that yeah people truly take issue with will r’s jeremy being more frustrated and it’s like you realize there’s no Right or Wrong portrayal / interpretation even if you prefer one for whatever reasons......theatre just is Like that.......you have a slightly different portrayal during ever performance even from the same actors, and you’ll often have different actors playing the role........yeah people usually are attached to the first performance they see / have that as their Standard and that’s fine, it’s just like, you don’t have to decide that’s an Objective view and that you have Objective issues with everyone else’s take. 1.0 is still there for you

uhhhh oh yeah and the whole Clout idea lmao......people really putting themselves out there shaking their heads at the supposed fact that will was cast for the off bway run to Boost Popularity b/c he was part of the deh obc......besides the whole thing that it’s hardly likely that would’ve been considered necessary anyhow, there’s the little thing that a) again, will roland had already been very seriously considered for the part even before will connolly was decided on for the original run and b) like.....these people had been collaborating for eons and you really think will roland only popped into their minds thanks to being in deh....and c) joe iconis has repeatedly said they specifically did Not want to cast people based on who was Known enough and whose names would be good for marketing and d) maybe anyone has noticed that the marketing never involved any mention of anyone in the cast? no? cool. and yet people like so truly think they’re Wise to ~real reason~ that they’d go and cast will roland as the lead. like people are making shit up and really just thinking it’s true b/c they Want it to be true b/c they Want to be validated in having actual contempt for will’s casting despite the “issue” being that he doesn’t seem as Likeable (worthy of sympathy...cough...) thanks to his deemed-unattractive looks and sweetly-adenoidal voice and more-frustrated portrayal all seeming less cute or whatever

and i mean i haven’t seen it crop up of late but the one particular Grasping At Straws ~justification~ for will being unworthy of the part thanks to perceived acting/singing incompetence which is soooo wild is when people are like “ough i Hate when he just holds his arms out when he sings” like fmslkdj if anything that’s just an individual quirk and the fact that it was something you noticed means you just latched on to it as potential fodder for “the fact i registered this information abt someone whose existence i Resent means it distracted me which means i hate it and it’s bad”...like another thing he does with his hands while singing is when he makes the loose claws and kind of half crosses his arms in front of his chest! where are the complaints about that?? nowhere, b/c people have not really processed it as a particular thing, so they can’t deem it a Particular Thing To Criticize. people sometimes Notice that his jared talks with his hands a lot, which will says is an acting choice that came from an unconscious tendency, but people really only bring it up to juxtapose will’s jared’s dramatic tendencies and nervous habits with sky’s jared’s more outwardly still and smoothed-over behavior. aka they don’t Complain about it or deem it a weakness / bad thing. and yet people caring about bmc are really jumping on that chance to be like oh ugh there he goes again, having a characteristic i associate with him as an individual, disgusting, can’t believe will connolly was murdered for this..

it’s a bit clearer too with bmc moreso than deh that people aren’t super willing to accept how will roland Looks b/c like, thanks to will connolly’s jeremy having the long hair thing you can Tell The Difference In Which Actor Is Represented when ppl draw the character even if the rest of the features are kind of “generic” (and how even the costuming isn’t a dead giveaway since ppl will draw connolly jeremy in 2.0/3.0′s outfits) and it even serves to specify the actor in writing format too if they mention the hair lol........and honestly?? this fact is one of the most damning things lol in that people the reason so many ppl continue to produce connolly-based jeremys is Not because for whatever reason they can’t / it’s too difficult to draw a will roland lookin jeremy......like a lot of the time The trait which serves to distinguish between the two is the hair thing. people are adopting jeremy’s new costuming and stuff but choosing to make sure we know that jeremy does not Look like will roland and the clearest indicator of this is the longer hair thing......which also means that for many people the main effort they’d need to exert to make it clear they’re drawing wrol jeremy would just be to....shorten the hair. And Yet!!!! it is apparently beyond people to do this

like uh nice on making a lgw animatic but really.........really we’re gonna take the song that is specifically from the 2.0 / 3.0 runs, so it’s obvious we’re Accepting that non-1.0 content, okay......and we’re Accepting will roland’s vocals, which, a person’s voice is a physical trait of theirs too, same as The Existence Of Their Body........and yet jeremy Cannot Look Like How Will Roland Looks, that’s too far, can’t do that. we can take material from the specific versions the actor was cast in, that material being a song written specifically for this individual actor’s voice, in the form of this actor’s actual vocals......but can’t have the depicted image of jeremy be based on this actor’s appearance..............of all the......

really all that it is is that more people find will connolly more attractive than will roland and this makes them feel like will roland Is Worse and then the people who just run with that either just embrace that and are crashing around on public forums saying Lol i hate him cuz he’s ugly lmao....and then you have people who don’t wanna do that but don’t wanna actually examine why they ~take issue~ with will being cast and so they’ve gotta leap on any Other things about him that feel more acceptable / Objective like oh the portrayal is “Wrong” (that’s not how this works) or he can’t sing well enough (yeah he can) or high enough (yeah he can) or he was stunt cast (no he wasn’t) or they wanna label every characteristic / trait they can think up that Isn’t his physical appearance as Annoying And Bad like. maybe stop and ask why you find it SO pressing that this other actor has the part and it Must be objectively inferior if not ruinous for reasons you gotta invent about him being incompetent cuz it’s better to make stuff up about how a professional actor isn’t good enough for a part than to say you don’t think he’s cute enough and are bothered by that

it didn’t matter as much to people when they viewed his character as either Just A Joke or Just A Jerk or flat-out disposable material. being attractive is for serious sympathetic beloved characters, natch

unfortunately jeremy can’t be written off as The Unimportant Meme Friend With No Real Feelings so now there’s a whole problem if an actor is not as cute

like b/c of the way he looks ppl can accept that a character played by will roland can be funny or can be rude or can really not be too important to take seriously / consider complex or sympathetic or likeable beyond being a walking Running Joke, but when it comes to a sympathetic main character whose emotional state is so important it’s practically assigned a character and who’s a romantic lead? now people have a problem with him looking the way will roland does

[mavrustheunskooled]

Why is Bare: A Pop Opera not as super popular as Dear Evan Hansen or Be More Chill? The fandom loves LGBT rep (which Bare has) and the songs are amazing and I think B:APO is actually superior to both of those. Thoughts? I mean the musical fandom tends to try to find LGBT characters even when they aren't stated, so why do you think Bare is not as popular?

this is a very interesting question and I am hopefully going to do it justice by analyzing Fandom, Musical Writing, and Many Other Things I’m Super Passionate About

the short: many factors and a lot of luck

the unnecessarily long: 

(opening disclaimer: I love dear evan hansen and be more chill, and I’m not upset that they’re popular musicals because I feel that they’re popular for a reason. anything that sounds like an insult in the following response isn’t such because I truly enjoy both of those musicals a lot) 

(another disclaimer: spoilers for bare, DEH, and BMC, also mentions of homophobia) 

on paper, bare seems like the exact sort of musical that would be popular. bare the musical (cursed as it is) has a cast of super popular actors like Barrett Wilbert Weed, Gerard Canonico, Taylor Trensch, Alice Lee, Alex Wyse, a high quality bootleg exists of the 2013 LA cast, it’s got LGBT+ rep, complex women characters… and yet it’s got a tiny fan base. Why? 

first let’s look at why dear evan hansen and be more chill are popular. I’m more well versed in bmc, so let’s look at its history (disclaimer: I’m estimating dates but this is roughly the timeline) 

the original bmc run was in 2015 I believe. they recorded a soundtrack, everything was fine, and they closed. in 2017, people began discovering the soundtrack in hoards. specifically, they were discovering one song: Michael in the bathroom. that’s even how I learned about the show- I heard that song and had to look up the rest of the soundtrack. and in February of 2019, they’ll start previews on broadway because the fandom was revived 

why this song? I think a ton of fame comes from talent, yes, but also from luck. I think bmc was lucky that Michael in the bathroom, a great song, was discovered as the great song that it is. I also think the fame came because that song is super relatable. as someone with pretty bad anxiety, that song really touched me because I’ve definitely spent parties hiding in the bathroom and avoiding everyone and wishing I was dead because I’m so overwhelmed with anxiety. it’s relatable, so people flocked to it. 

this made me pause to think “what is bare’s hook song” my first thought was a quiet night at home if we want a song in the same vein as MITB, but that song isn’t as hype as MITB (and fandoms don’t care about fem characters as much as it cares about masc characters). my next thought was are you there because I think it’s a bop and a relatable “pls someone help” kind of song, but I don’t know which song everyone could relate to as much as everyone could relate to MITB 

and speaking of relatable content- that’s where the DEH connection comes in. dear evan hansen is similarly relatable, although it takes that to an extreme given what Evan does as a result of his anxiety. Michael and Evan are relatable characters, even if you don’t condone everything they do (and if you condone everything Evan does, we have much to talk about)

but doesn’t bare have relatable characters?? absolutely !! there’s Peter, a closeted gay kid who wants to come out, and Jason, someone who acts tough but is secretly very insecure, and Nadia, with her body image issues, and Ivy, who people won’t take seriously because they’ve decided they already know her, and so many other complex characters. so why are they left behind? 

let’s look at bare’s history: 

bare was originally written in the 90s (I want to say 1999, but I could be wrong) the performance most people consider the quintessential bare performance was in 2004 with Michael Arden, John Hill, Jenna Leigh Green, etc. 

if you compare this to DEH and BMC, the first issue is clear. DEH was hugely popular around 2016. BMC began to grow in popularity in 2017. these are very, very new shows. 20 years doesn’t sound like a lot, but in our current age where time seems to pass so quickly which each new fad, bare seems like an older musical, and a lot of people aren’t the biggest fan of older musicals. and they don’t have to be !! but it’s a personal preference of some people that could affect how they view bare as a potential musical to be a fan of 

in terms of the music of bare, it’s definitely catchy, but it’s not like a pop song. (again, no shade at DEH and BMC because those aren’t jukebox musicals or anything). bare is simply not as easy to listen to as DEH and BMC are in my opinion (and it’s not the most complicated thing ever either, but holy cow its lyrics are smart and I have to throw that in here) 

now let’s look at reasons why people may not want to watch bare. while it is great that it has canon gay characters, compelling women characters, and is very cleverly written it also has issues that can be turn-offs to people. this includes: 

-bury your gays

-gay-guy-cheats-on-boyfriend-with-girl trope 

-gay-guy-gets-outed trope 

-and potentially other homophobic tropes

I’m not shaming bare for perpetuating these tropes because it was written 20 years ago, and lgbt+ people are allowed to enjoy media in spite of its perpetuation of negative tropes, but for some people these things are enough to turn them away. and I don’t blame them! I watched bare the musical before I watched bare a pop opera, and when Jason I died I closed out of YouTube without finishing the show because I was so Sick of bury your gays. 

I am aware that there are reasons Jason died at the end of bare (they’re making a statement about how homophobia kills, particularly how homophobic religious people can have an awful affect on young religious gay people), but there comes a time when “reasons for a gay character to die” is just too much. sometimes, you just want the gay character to live, and I completely respect that notion because I felt the exact same way when I watched bare the musical. I remember when I first watched bare the musical I wrote a thread about how as a Romeo and Juliet adaptation, bare follows some things closely (like death at the end) while avoiding other extremes (Romeo running off to another country) and I thus felt the death was unnecessary. if someone else feels similarly about being sick of gay characters dying, they have every right to not want to watch bare 

that’s enough on why someone might not want to watch bare. let’s get back to bare vs DEH and BMC 

I also think a big aspect of fandoms is shipping. the fetishization of MLM (and consequently ignoring fem characters completely, along with focusing solely on white men for their shipping and ignoring men of color) is a huge problem in fandoms that I could talk about forever, but for the sake of this response, I’ll keep it a bit shorter 

DEH and BMC profit heavily off of shipping in terms of gaining popularity. people love Evan x Connor (and other ships but that’s the main one I see), and people love Jeremy x Michael (and others). so why then do people not care about bare, a show with a canon relationship between 2 basic white men, which is their ultimate goal? 

I think people like the idea of these mlm ships more than canon content. if there’s canon, it’s harder for them to make a variety of ships because it feels like everything else has to rotate around the canon without touching it (which is where the bare fandom gets Matt x Lucas because they’re the closest they have to 2 basic men- I can write my criticism of them another time though) 

I’ve also seen posts saying that things with canon lgbt+ characters sometimes have smaller fandoms because there is no need for lgbt+ theorizing- it’s right there, and if you want lgbt+ content, watch the thing. I don’t necessarily agree with this for myself (I’ll reblog every pilgrim’s hands gifset I see) but I can definitely see how other people might think this way 

failing to hype up stuff with lgbt+ characters can have a negative impact. BMC is the prime example of how a show can be revived by its passionate fan base. if people aren’t talking about bare, it’s not going to spread like other shows do 

this is kind of all over the place but anyway- I want to talk about characters more. one thing DEH and BMC have are great, complex characters that are very easy to boil down to a fandom’s favorite stereotypes. I am absolutely not saying DEH and BMC have simple characters because I think all of them have layers; however, fandoms do love to go “this is precious cinnamon roll who can do no wrong and this is evil awful terrible irredeemable person” and it’s a bit difficult to do that with bare. 

you can say Peter is your perfect son, but he does try to force Jason out before he’s ready. you can say Ivy is the evil seductress trying to tear apart your gay babies, but I will physically fight you. there aren’t any black-and-white good or bad bare characters (except Father Flynn- hate him), which doesn’t fit in line with the way fandoms function. sweeping generalizations about the current state of society based on the internet are exhausting and bad, but we do live in an age where everything must either be perfect or evil, and you can’t do that with bare. no one “did nothing wrong uwu” and that’s what fandoms Want 

(note: they will excuse wrong actions, such as everything wrong Connor Murphy has ever done, if the character is played by a mildly attractive guy they want to ship with another mildly attractive guy) 

another point that I don’t have fully fleshed out thoughts on enough to devote too much time to is the integration of parents into the shows. in both DEH and BMC, the parents get redemption arcs. in bare, Claire does say she love Peter at the end, but she’s much less of a sympathetic character than Mr. Heere or Heidi (that’s her name right- Evan’s mom) or the Murphys. when I was younger, I wasn’t allowed to watch anything that painted parents, or adults in general, in a negative light, but maybe that’s not a universal experience 

this is getting way too long and it probably has more thought put into it than what was necessary, so I’ll try to close this quickly 

I think, first off, that DEH and BMC completely deserve the hype that they have received. they’ve got compelling stories, interesting characters, and fantastic soundtracks. I also think that luck factors heavily into them getting what they deserve. there are plenty of great shows, like bare and the boy who danced on air and spies are forever and probably more that I’m not thinking of, that have great music and characters and story that, out of sheer chance, don’t get the chance they should have been given. there is no bulleted list someone can follow and at the end they’ll be on broadway with an armful of tonys; is the luck of the draw, and bare has not been afforded that chance 

I’ll end with some reasons why anyone who happened to read this but might not be a bare fan should listen to or watch bare: 

- it is an amazingly clever show; every time I watch it or listen to it, I realize another moment of foreshadowing or a line I originally brushed off was actually very significant or there’s another recurring motif/theme in the music 

- it’s full of bops (go listen to you and I or are you there or portrait of a girl) 

- canon gay characters in a canon gay relationship 

- 3 dimensional fem characters that actively criticize stereotypes 

- it’s about a religious gay boy who grapples with his religion and his sexuality and how those two things can coexist 

- it is Very Very Good

in conclusion: bare is very good and deserves attention xx

[bearambles]

why i don’t like treebros

hiya pals, lemme just put it out there

note: if you only know about deh and treebros from the internet, and haven’t seen the full show, DON’T @ ME. once you see it you will probably know what i mean anyway lmao

if you haven’t actually seen dear evan hanson, you might not know, but connor and evan’s only interaction is when he pushes evan and calls him a freak, and many other bad things i won’t put on here. their interactions from then on are all in his head, and even then they aren’t good. connor’s ghost is sort of like evan’s conscience throughout the show, and not a good one. he pressures evan to do things he shouldn’t, and acts kind of like a devil-on-the-shoulder type thing. of course this isn’t really him, but it shows that evan doesn’t think very well of him.

not to mention connor isn’t menally stable. a lot of people like to use the excuse that he was depressed and did drugs for that reason, but its deeper then that. even as a child, we hear stories such as how he threw a printer at his teacher. this implies he’s always had some issues. people like to act like conner is just a emo soft boy, but he actually is really, really, damaged, and it’s not really something to romanticize. putting a couple together just because they are both really mentally unstable is kind of awful and disgusting.

don’t get me wrong, i’m not hating on anyone who ships treebros, i just wanted to point out why i don’t. in fact, i did ship it for awhile, but after seeing the actual show, i relized that besides having barely any interaction, it would be a super toxic relationship. 

i don’t have anything wrong with the ship, but i don’t really like how people only focus on that aspect of the musical. it’s not a super happy musical, and it’s not supposed to be. but if you only listen to the soundtrack because of treebros, you can’t really call yourself a fan. 

(ONCE AGAIN THIS IS NOT HATE, I’VE MET PLENTY OF NICE PEOPLE WHO SHIP IT. THIS IS MOSTLY AIMED AT THE PEOPLE WHO ONLY LIKE THE MUSICAL BECAUSE OF IT< AND THOSE WHO FETISHIZE OR GET SUPER DEFENSIVE OF IT)

[riverroan]

Girlsies hcs i can think of and worked on at 11-12 AM last night

fun fact before we start: Kathrine (Joesph’s daughter) actually died in 1884. Who knew?

Kathrine Pulitzer

Lesbian

Her favorite show is The End of the Fxxxing World

“I’m so gay for alyssa like wtf?”

“We know kath”

She and Spot are saltmates

“Hey, madison? Who sings that song?”

“Bruno Mars”

“Please let him sing it”

Legit when he’s doing hw

“Kath, stfu. I’m trying to think”

“Yeah i know i can see steam”

After Spot finally gets a bf

“Gross”

“I mean at least i can get someone but yeah, me too”

“ BL OCK ED”

Jack and Kathrine have dated before

She was confused

He was helping

Chaotic Good™

She fucking loves her siblings and they all accept her

“What a lovely day to be-”

“Gay”

All six of them say it at once

Her mom’s chill with it

Dad not so much

He doesn’t shame her

But he isn’t gonna try and force her to be straight cause honey he knows she’s deep into the gay hell hole

She wears buns constantly

Also when she doesn’t wear makeup she looks like a goddess

“Wow you should stop wearing makeup more often. I may actually go straight for once”

“Fuck off spot”

Whenever she and sarah finally get together

“well my saltmate and my best friend are together who would’ve figured.”

“Spot leave my lesbian ass alone you gay irish boy”

Cuddles

Kathrine is very loveable and anyone who says otherwise gets beat by the guys

Doesn’t matter how they get beaten

Just know these boys cherish their girls to death

Even if they’ve known them for an hour

“Wow ily to death tf”

Specs and Kathrine and the bestest friends ever okay

They have a treat yo self day

Whether it’s small or big

They will legit have a blast

Specs came out to her as pan after watching Deadpool

“Wow can you believe me a Deadpool have something in common?”

“What?”

“Being pan”

When she figured out she was the first person he came out to she felt amazing

She went home and told her mom everything about it

Her mom was pumped up for her daughter

Specs and Kathrine went to homecoming as friends together and left with their own dates

Specs and romeo

Kathrine and some chick named caitlin

Kathlin didn’t last too long

Turns out caitlin was moving

Theyre still great friends

ANYWAY

Specs told her about his crush on romeo

“He’s just so sweet and funny and ughhhhhhhh”

“I feel ya babe”

Then at homecoming they hooked up

Still together to this day

Kath loves their relationship

She calls them goals

Then in eleventh she got with Sarah

Theyre actually the oldest of the group

Her favorite artist is Dua Lipa

Why?

She’s a queen

Why else?

Shes in debate team

Also the school news

She wishes they had a newspaper but they wanted to be more “Advanced”

Also she knows whether she’ll win an arguement

She can just tell by the way the other person holds themselves

If she knows she lost she’ll nod her head respectfully and go on

She doesn’t let that get to her though

Her favorite subject is ela

Only really big musical she likes is DEH she hates the others

“Why watch some musical of the Heathers when there’s the original movie right here?”

Sarah Jacobs

Her fave subject is math

“Why are gays supposed to hate math?”

She and spot are besties

“I wish stars were out in the day too”

“You’re doing a lousy job as a lesbian if you don’t know girls already exist”

“Are you sure you’re gay?”

These two dated

It was because spot was confused

“Well this was fun, but i like guys more you’re the best love youuuuu”

She also dated jack

“Isn’t that awkward? Dating one brother then six months later go out with the other?”

“No”

“Jack you dumb fuck, haven’t you learned she has no shame don’t question my lesbian best friend and her logic”

She’s not too sure what she’s into honestly

Like holy shit guys are caring and their hands feel great

But like,,, girls are amazing

Spot just calls her a lesbo as a joke

Her fave youtuber is Macdoesit

“We worship queens in this household”

The jacobs’ already knew their first two kids were gay

They don’t care how any turn out as long as they finish school and live happy, healthy lives

They don’t have the time of day to tell them they’ll “go to hell” for being in love with whoever they want since they should be happy

That’s all that matters

“Hey mom, dad, i think i’m bi”

“Cool when you gonna bring a boy or girl over so we can meet them?”

Also after Sarah and Jack broke up Jack started dating Davey after dating another dude after Sarah (it was like two years later)

“isNt tHAt AwkWARd?? dAtiNg ONe sIBlinG tHEn Two YEars lATer Go oUT wITh tHe oTHer????”

“shUT UUUP”

Sarah knows the whole Bee Movie

She also has a shirt of the script

Doesn’t actually like musicals

“They just aren’t for me”

Prefers movies

True Neutral™

don’t get me wrong though

she worships Rent

“I thought you didn’t like musicals”

“leave me alone, Mimi’s coming”

allergic to animal fur actually

so she went all kim possible

“I have a hairless mole-rat”

“WHAT THE FUCK”

“Be nice to Rufus”

Chowder is her childhood

so is kim possible tbh

Smalls 

She’s Medda’s only daughter

Everyone will fight for this kid

She’s actually younger than everyone else

She’s tough for an eighth grader

“YOU WANNA GO”

“Smalls calm tf down”

Favorite color is mint green

“It’s just so pleasing to the eye”

“So are boys”

“Race i didn’t ask for your commentary”

She wants to be in band but like,,, she only wants to play drums

Not the other percussion instruments

“Who wants to play those other lame instruments when there’s the drums?”

“Actually-”

“I DONT CARE DAVEY”

She listens very well actually

Also she remembers too many small details

“No one knows my middle name”

“It’s Aaron, what you talking about????”

She’s smart mouthed Delanceys’ a lot

They don’t do shit cause 1. That’s a kid and 2. That’s a girl

Their parents taught them better

Her favorite movie is shrek

“soMEBODY-”

“Smalls, please, it’s four. I need sl e ep”

Chaotic Neutral™

She’s attacked someone with a broom before

It was Jack

He jump scared her while she was sweeping the kitchen

Spot couldn’t breathe while medda and crutchie laughed along and checked if he was okay

Smalls laugh is a snort

“Who sounds like a pig?”

“Don’t call my sister a pig tf dude”

She’s not allowed to be around coffee

It doesn’t do anything really

She’ll throw the cup with the coffee still in to attack people if she’s angry enough though

I said she was chaotic neutral but i’m making her ass sound evil

She shares a room with crutchie

They have bunk beds

She’s top bunk

She hates that bunk but she understands why he’s bottom

She’s actually the youngest Medda ever adopted

When she adopted jack he was 15

Crutchie: 13

Spot: 16

Smalls: 10

She’s 13 now

She goes to her family for different things

Stories: Medda

Nightmare: Jack

Can’t sleep: Spot

Just wants cuddles: Crutchie

Theres different reasons behind these

For Medda she tells her stories about her exprience in theatre and Smalls finds them really nice since Medda’s voice is really soothing and she ususally falls asleep listening to her voice

When she was freaked out over a horror movie he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her close and well she found it really nice, eventually falling asleep since it was warm there and she was freezing and she relaxed a lot too

When she first moved in she couldn’t sleep that night and went downstairs to get water and then Spot came down cause he couldn’t sleep either (it was 3 am) and he helped her reach a glass and he just let her crash with him for the night (she fell asleep quick)

When Smalls felt sick one night she went down and cuddled with Crutchie since she couldn’t sleep and she ended up falling asleep quickly like that

When her brothers friends spend the night she always tries to avoid the mess

But fails

One of her brothers will always drag her in

OKAY BUT WHEN HER BROTHERS GO OFF TO COLLEGE SHE IS SO HAPPY FOR THEM

When she goes off to college she goes to NYU for nursing

she’s confused too

“Okay so... guys are cute but like wow girls are too”

“We finally have someone attracted to girls”

“Mama’s a lesbian what are you talking about?”

[kachinnate]

DEH on tour! 9/17/19

HI so i said i was gonna make a post describing my experience watching DEH last night so B^) if that’s a thing u sorta care abt i dropped it under the cut 

would like to start off that i had no idea that they were introducing a new touring evan and?? he’s fucking FANTASTIC ???? aH ,, but at first glance at the cast list, the only names i recognized were maggie and marrick’s.. and even then i only knew their names, i had no idea what they sounded like or even looked like tbh. if ur curious; 

evan: stephen christopher anthony jared: jared goldsmith larry: john hemphill alana: phoebe koyabe zoe: maggie mckenna cynthia: christiane noll heidi: jane pfitsch connor: marrick smith 

honestly........ i wasn’t displeased w/ a single one of these actors, holy FUCK they were so good?? i love obc w/ my entire heart, and i never thought i’d ever say this, but this cast is a CLOSE fuckin second dude. aahH. and not even because they sounded like the obc, like they all sounded completely different and brought a pretty different take to their characters and it was so..... good??? 

one specific thing that i noticed that happened in this performance compared to all the ones i’d seen before (broadway, two or three boots, two audios for arena stage) throughout was that there was a lot more.... crying? and like, just hearing that you’re probably like,, ‘oh, that’s annoying they probably made it a lot more extra :///’ but!! really i just think there was a different sort of depth that these actors took on in certain moments that made them like.... justifiable for crying when you’ve seen these scenes before and the mood was different and there weren’t tears... 

like, example: the beginning of the computer lab scene, when evan is writing his letter to himself, every evan that i’ve seen before this one read the letter out as he typed it in an almost defeated manner. like, he’s sad, obviously, how can u not be sad writing ‘maybe no one would notice if i disappeared’, but it sounds like he had long resigned to the fact that this was how things were. although it wasn’t super over the top or anything, stephen’s evan .. cried a little, like fully had some tears running down his face and was choked up as he got to the end of the letter, and i was like “!?!?!” cause it immediately gave off the sense that.. fuck, shit, evan really, really wanted his mom to be right, he genuinely had hope that today was going to be good, but.. it really wasn’t, and that kinda fuckin hurts?? like i think especially w/ us fans who know the show so well, we forget how legitimately dismal this letter is that he’s writing dsjkaefg like the murphy’s thought it was a suicide note bc it sounded like that and this might’ve been the first time i like.. didn’t question the confusion they had over it for a second, like of course you thought it was a suicide note , w/ the way evan wrote it it might as well have been 

another specifically notable moment was that alana cried throughout that scene following good for you?? like holy shit was i not prepared for that?? but she played it in a way that made so much sense, like she was so hurt that evan hadn’t cared about the project and maybe the stress of it’s weighed on her a lot because she’s just trying to do this good thing but like always everyone’s just left her to it and maybe she thought it’d be different w/ evan..... like there was a lot of pent up frustration and hurt in every word she said when i’m so used to hearing that scene delivered in a monotone, deadset, cold hurt sort of way. “i’ve moved on. obviously you don’t care.”, not “you know what?! i DON’T have time for this, I have to raise SEVENTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS!” while choking up on tears like holy fuck alana did u really have to come for all of us like that 

(honestly in general phoebe played the best alana i’ve ever seen, hands down, period point blank, i fucking loved what she did w/ her character.... i’m not sure if she’s been alana for a while or if she’s new too, but oh my god????)

other notable cry things:

- connor was VERY audibly on the verge of tears on his “what are you laughing at?” line - when heidi and alana were singing at evan in good for you, jared was standing off to the side and was glaring daggers @ evan but was also.. crying a little and that fucking hurt  - ev was still croaky and teary from so big/so small into the scene before the finale, and zoe’s voice started catching a little halfway into their conversation and she had to stop a couple times to compose herself  - and then of course tears in the spots that usually have tears like words fail and so big so small and w/e but like. it hurt more i can’t describe it these actors personally Hurt My Feelings

all in all a lot more tears from both the characters and myself 

and just from all of THAT it goes without saying that there was a different, like... sort of depth that these characters brought to the table. stephen’s evan screamed desperate for a friend. i empathized with him immensely because literally every time he talked about fake!connor he sang so longingly and it was obvious that he needed needed needed this lie for himself too, like he wasn’t just telling it to the murphy’s to comfort them, he wanted so badly for this to be the truth for himself. the pull of the murphy’s caring about him and zoe was obviously there, but i truly didn’t think that was even a factor of this whole thing until into act 2. and even then... while it’s obvious that he’s in the wrong and his intentions get a bit more clouded, to me it feels like the general feel was “this has all gotten to out of hand, i can’t back out now, so i might as well just go along with all of this” instead of “oh hey this started as me trying to help the murphy’s but now my life is better? cool” 

his Evan Hansen Nervous Tick (tm) was wiping compulsively at his eyes (which, given how often they all cried is very valid but also kinda funny dsjgn) and his presence in general was very........... good. like, if you mix ben platt and taylor trensch’s energies, i think you’d get stephen’s evan’s stage presence, and really that’s the only way i can describe it djslgnsdg.. like he wasn’t Stoic and Awkward like ben was but he wasn’t as bouncy and quirky as taylor was, he was placed almost in the middle of those two and it... worked, i liked it a lot. it looked like he sort of hated being in his skin and sort of wanted to run away but he Won’t because he knows he needs to Try if he wants to be seen and that’s *chef’s kiss* a good energy that i can appreciate 

 jared goldsmith played his jared similarly to the way that will roland played his jared, but instead of being Blant about his love for evan he gave off a little bit more of a “haah yeh bro >B^)” energy... but still obviously gay because he’s jared, i don’t think u are legally allowed to play ur jared as a straight boy (source: will roland himself, and also the author of the deh book). something i REALLY loved specifically about his singing was that whenever they sing in a harmony, jared gets the top note, and ..... omg there was something about his voice that made the chord sound so fucking PRETTY like there’s no reason for me to be star eyed @ that ending note in sincerely, me, but here i am!!! also, jared was. tiny. SO small. how can so much chaos fit into such a small lad. 

 also i can’t remember when but there was a point where he said a line that was funny and he laughed at himself, and then the audience laughed, and then he continued to giggle and waited a few extra seconds to say his next line and it was the cutest thing i’ve ever seen 

extremely bitter at “look at you, helping the murphy’s”, he cried during good for you, and at the finale he is BEAMING at evan, like he is smiling SO BIG AT HIM, LIKE JARED GOLDSMITH PERSONALLY DECIDED “you know what, in my heart evan and jared did reconcile before the events of this moment and i’m going to make sure the audience knows because i’m going to look at him with an immeasurable amount of love in my eyes” and that was so fucking brave of him

maggie mckenna... maggie mckenna!! she was a wonderful zoe, i think she’s like my favorite zoe high key because oh my GOD? requiem fucking destroyed me... and like, i’m the odd one out because although that song is gorgeous, minus the first time i ever listened to it i never really was deeply deeply moved by it, like i understand the meaning of it and i know why it’s an extremely important song and i appreciate the amount of emotion that is portrayed within it, but to me it’s not really the Highlight of the show....... maggie’s voice was so beautiful, like soft and pretty during the beginning and powerful as FUCK on the bridge and!!!!! i wept for the first time during that song ever and i’m still shook abt it 

in general, maggie’s zoe was really balanced and well played and, like... real?? like, she was adorably hanging onto every word evan said as he stammered through their first interaction, albeit a little confused, when he’s over for dinner to talk about connor she’s indifferent and sort of aloof but it’s obvious that it’s from a place of like.. misplaced Hurt, even without knowing the plot already like it’s sort of obvious.... like maggie made it clear to the audience that zoe wasn’t supposed to be coldhearted or bitchy, she was a kid who’s been hurt by her brother and has every reason to not forgive him for it just because he’s gone and is now rightfully confused because now she has to try and cope with the fact that he might’ve been a good person even though every thing he’s ever done prior went against it, and.... ughsGDJ she was just!!! so good!!!!!! also, her chemistry that she had with evan was really real too and like.. i could believe that she actually fell for him, i could believe that she genuinely did like him for more reasons than a plot device, which is really refreshing bc i can’t rlly say that i saw that same level of like.. genuine chemistry between the evan and zoe i saw when we saw deh on broadway (it was still good, don’t get me wrong, but there was just something missing that i really only noticed by watching this performance). she’s kind of quirky and weird at some points too, which again is another thing that made her feel more real to me??? when evan was like “thank you” and touched her arms after she told him that she wasn’t breaking up with him, she fully reached out to touch his arms and fully bent her entire body in half, like her face was facing the ground and i audibly choked,, also she super gently like smacked his face at one point during only us and i heard it in his mic and he inhaled a lil sharply bc he was trying not to giggle and i. cri 

ngl, i’ve really only seen alana being played in one way up until now.... like, obviously every actor is going to play their character differently, and even from performance to performance there might be some change, but at least for the MOST part every alana i’ve seen has been straightforward: i’m chatty, i’m bright, i’m kind of lonely but i mean well and i REALLY care about this thing that we’re doing. there isn’t a lot of room for her to emote until, like... the whole good for you fiasco happens, the scene before it and after it, when she’s upset with evan for not helping, but even then there’s usually a trend with how she’s played. phoebe played her with SO much emotion and made her SO much more than what i expected to see??? like she cared... so much, but it was obvious that she was maybe not going about it in the right way. she seemed more like an awkward kid just like the rest of them, it was a bit more obvious that she didn’t think of herself as perfect, and it seemed a lot more clear that her intentions for helping out with the connor project were never about herself or making herself look good - it was because it genuinely meant something to her. yes, she was still a lot at times, but when evan accuses her of only being in it to help herself, it’s so like... evidently not true. like u don’t even have to see alana’s expression at all or hear how she responds, ur just immediately like “oh, so evan’s gonna be a dick now” because it’s just so obvious that it’s not like that at all, y’know?? alana had... big feelings, and she was more than the smart girl that drove the plot forward at points and gets screwed over by evan. also, her voice was extremely pretty as well *heart eyes emoji* 

both of the moms brought something similar to this show: it was obvious that while they started their characterization with what obc brought, they made it their own. they brought new mannerisms and choices up and they were both so??? fucking cute????? like they had extreme mom energy, at points it felt so real, like something about the whole scene with them talking together in the murphy house b4 good for you felt..... so so so real and it was disorienting. they both made me cry so like they definitely did their job 

ALSO the fucking way that heidi was looking at evan in the finale like. was one of the things that made me weep the hardest, like holy shit. she loves her son so much!!!!!! and i am CRYING !!!!!!!!! but anyway

*CLAPPING HANDS EMOJI* LARRY. FUCKING. MURPHY. oh my GOD he was an amazing larry !!!!!! like i know the fandom likes to demonize larry murphy but watching this man, i couldn’t think for a single second that this man was a bad father. he was trying so hard and just went about it in the wrong ways, and ... ghh... to break in a glove isn’t supposed to make you tear up but guess what (also this might be a personal problem but seeing him interact w/ evan gave me surges of feelings that reminded me that i have daddy issues ajdnGS like he was so. sweet. all the time, i want to throw a baseball around with this man and have him explain football to me even though i know i won’t understand it). his singing was rlly good too... like hearing it, i was like “ah. i can hear it in ur voice that when u were younger u were a bright tenor lad, but a bright tenor lad in the way that was good and not terribly nasally”  

marrick was really good, but i’m like 85% sure that he was sick :’( his voice caught and he had to clear his throat a few times during sincerely, me, and he had a break on a certain note and couldn’t go higher than that, which.... is rough because although connor isn’t super tenor-y all the time he definitely ... doesn’t sing just low (but when he did sing low? *chefs kiss*) but other than that? v good acting, like evan this connor just... rlly wanted a friend. he almost cried when evan started laughing at him, and he sounded extremely devastated when he read the note... as evan’s OC, he played it very Defeated(tm) instead of confrontational, which obvs Hurt bc evan was fully like “no!!!! i fell!!” while connor was just “ did u. or did u let go.” u don’t gotta be confrontational when u are the inner demons of a boy and aren’t actually a person yaknow >B’’’’^) nevertheless i am crying xoxo!!!!!!!

all in all?? fucking incredible, i can’t believe i had the opportunity to see this cast and i’m going to hold them in a v special place in my heart :’) 

[turbohell]

thank god someone else dislikes DEH! and Next to Normal portrays mental illness so much better! also Come From Away deserved to win best musical way more them DEH.

Ikr!! In my opinion, Great Comet totally should’ve won. (Come From Away is absolutely amazing, it’s just Great Comet has a special place in my heart)

D/EH,,, has issues. Evan is a bad person, and they never really address this?? Making mistakes is so much different from being a bad person, and having a flawed character is great!! But Evan lies to everyone. He uses Connor’s suicide for his benefit, and then proceeds to lie about it and earn fame from it and everything. This would be great if Evan got what he deserved,, and like,,, the musical at least talked about how bad his actions were? but when he tells the Murphys, they don’t publicly shame him or anything? And later on, Zoe thanks Evan for helping her through her brothers death??

It just doesn’t make sense. Even if he couldn’t let the truth out during the first meeting when Jared tells him to go “Yeah” and “uh-uh,” he definitely should’ve done it after. He’s honestly such a bad person and I hate how the show is passed off as good mental illness representation when it’s… not. (Also Connor is abusive. He’s a drug user and a bad person as well. Sure, he too has mental health problems, but that doesn’t excuse his actions. Another reason D/EH is bad representation is because the two characters with mental illnesses are just… bad people. I’d be so much less pissed off if at least one of them was good and it was more like some people w mental illnesses are good and others are bad, just like neurotypical people! But that’s not what’s happening.)

Not to mention the entire tree bros ship? It’s so toxic? You’re shipping an abusive brother with a person that benefitted off their suicide? It really doesn’t make sense and it’s super problematic.

Not to mention, there’s so much better mental illness representation on Broadway. There’s N2N, which is absolutely amazing because it’s actually an accurate representation of good people that have mental illnesses and it’s good portrayal?? Obviously Diana is at the serious side of the spectrum, but I honestly believe that going for the serious side of the spectrum first makes sense. It shows that even though she’s struggling with psychosis and bipolar disorder, she’s still a good person. (I haven’t listened to this show a lot, but I love what I’ve heard)

That’s not what Dear E/van Hansen does at all. Instead, it’s this entire thing where Evan makes a bunch of mistakes, is a BAD PERSON that uses another kid’s SUICIDE to his benefit and the audience just soaks him up as an “uwu pure anxiety boy” (and don’t tell me a part of this isn’t because Evan is a white dude) and I absolutely despise it. If the theme was to not make a spectacle out of a suicide, it was done really badly because Evan never gets what’s coming for him?? (Plus Heathers portrays that theme so much better) and if the theme was hope, which people with depression like Connor or anxiety like Evan need, then that was portrayed horribly too. Sure, you can cite the song “You Will Be Found” but that’s end of first act, and everything goes downhill from there. There’s really no message of hope from D/EH.

Besides, if you’re looking for a message of hope along with mental illness representation? GREAT COMET OF 1812.

Pierre is depressed in Great Comet. Hell, he’s even suicidal. (Pierre) and then he proceeds to almost get himself killed (The Duel) before realizing that he doesn’t want to die like that (Dust and Ashes) followed by his realization that there could be more to life (Pierre and Natasha) and then realizing that it’s pretty nice to be alive (Great Comet of 1812). ITS SO MUCH BETTER. Pierre makes mistakes, has character flaws, but he also learns and grows and it’s a much better musical. Same with Natasha: her arc is there’s so much to life (No One Else) followed by a sense of abandonment and loneliness (Sunday Morning) and then falling for the wrong person (Natasha Lost in the Off-Broadway, or The Ball) and then pushing the people who love her away (Natasha and Sonya) making an attempt on her life, (Natasha Very Ill) before she finds comfort and friendship again (Pierre and Natasha.) There’s so much to identify with over the course of the show, and the development and recovery of the characters shows that it will get better.

Not to mention the diversity. The DE/H cast is well,,, yeah. There’s a black person. Now, Great Comet? It had:-the first time two black people were the male and female lead (Denée Benton and Oak Onaodowan) -the first Indian actress in a main role in a long time. (At the time she was on as Natasha, she was the ONLY south Asian actress on broadway. She’s Eliza on the Hamilton tour right now)-Nick Choksi as Dolokhov-the colorblind casting in this show is magnificent. The role of Natasha on this show was originated by Pippa Soo, a half Chinese actress. Natasha was then played by a white person, an Indian person, and a black person.

Honestly, giving the roles of white af Russian aristocrats to so many different people of different races and ethnicities is so incredibly important and a step in the right direction. (And before someone jumps on me for this- I understand the need for stories about people of color. I’m just applauding this show for the diversity they had.)

Yes, they made a mistake by attempting to replace Oak with Mandy Patinkin, and it was handled badly. I just don’t think that we should insult this show while letting D/EH slide.

Plus, the source material for Great Comet was excessively straight, but Marya and Hélène make out, and Anatole and Dolokhov kiss. While it’s not the best representation, they basically confirm that both Anatole and Hélène are bi. (And there’s def some polyamory mixed in there) and that Marya and Dolokhov are a at least a little gay. Which is a lot more than D/EH does.

Besides, the music in DE/H is bland and repetitive and there’s no fucking way it deserved best score even if we ignore all the BS in the plot. (Waving Through a Window sounds exactly like “The Wizard and I”)

This ended up being longer than I intended. I’m just going to wrap it up.

Honestly, I think that the fact that both Falsettos (nobody get me started on Falsettos) and Great Comet were robbed at the Tony’s is just an illustration of a bigger problem. Dear E/van Hansen did not deserve to win, and nobody can change my mind on that one.

[hannahindie]

Winchestered

Characters: Dean Winchester, Neal (OC), Alice (OC), Reader, Sam Winchester (brief) Word Count: 3,896 Warnings: Language, insinuated sexy times, patented Dean Winchester snark, smoking A/N: My dear, precious, beautiful @pinknerdpanda requested a Christmas fic using the song “Fairytale of New York” by Dustin Kensrue. You can listen to it HERE. I know it’s after Christmas and that it took me forever, but I hope you all enjoy it. I hope that the title makes sense once you start reading...if not...well...I mean, I don’t know. hahah

Beta’d by @pinknerdpanda (because I can’t not show her things early, even when they’re for her) : “Lystjblhisjfh we yxmvpyskgxiskh itoskhc”

and @masksandtruths, because I had her workin’ overtime yesterday. -wink- Thanks, babe. “THANK YOU SWEET BABY JESUS! someone said it! For such an intelligent human, Dean has a lot of trouble with this simple fact.”

As usual, tags are at the bottom. If you’d like to be added, please let me know. :)

Motherfucker.

I groaned, my head aching as I turned on the hard surface I was laying on and squinted at the old man across from me who was singing obnoxiously loud.

Hi di-diddly-idle-um, diddly-doodle-idle-um, diddly-doo-ri-diddlum-deh Hi di-diddly-idle-um, diddly-doodle-idle-um, diddly-doo-ri-diddlum-deh

He gave me a nearly toothless grin and I groaned again as I squeezed my eyes shut.

“What the hell are you singing, and why?”

“It's Christmas time, m’boy. Will pro’ly be m’last one, and it's m’ favorite tune. Thought I'd serenade ya good and proper.”

“That...that isn’t a Christmas song.” I rolled back over and tried to ignore him, my head pounding. I don't know what the fuck I did or where I was last night, but being in the drunk tank of some podunk town was not exactly where I wanted to be - especially on Christmas. Sammy was gonna kill me.

“Oh, but fer ya, ‘tis. Ya don’t recognize where ya are, do ya?”

“I’m in some town in BFE, when I should be...well, anywhere else. I'm guessing I tied one on a little harder than I planned. And now here I am, trying to ignore some old man trying and failing to sing an Irish ballad and wondering where my brother is so he can get me the fuck outta here. Does that sound about right?”

“Well, son, ya ain't wrong. But that ain't what I was talkin’ about.” He slid over closer to me and I rolled back over to look at him.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Why don't ya sit up and take a good look, see where ya are, and then mebbe I’ll tell ya.”

I groaned and sat up, if for no other reason than to shut him up, and I leaned my head in my hands. Jesus, what did I do? “Okay, I'm up. What am I looking at?”

“Just look.”

I sighed and looked up, the light searing into my hungover eye sockets like lasers. The room was oddly familiar, and I ground the heel of my hand into my eyes. “This...where am I?”

The old man chuckled and I glared at him. He cleared his throat as he stood and walked over to the wall of steel bars that had us trapped. “Ain't so much as where, lad, but when.” He motioned for me to join him and I stood up with a groan, then stumbled to the bars and looked out. Suddenly, it hit me where I was.

“How...this...but I wasn't even here, Sam and I are somewhere in Mississippi,” I mumbled more to myself than the crazy old man who was grinning at me like he'd won the lottery. Judging by my surroundings, I wasn't in Mississippi...I was in New York, although the drunk tank still made sense. But if that was the case… “This happened...hell...twenty years ago. Unless you're an angel, I know I didn't time travel. What the hell is this?”

“Did ya have a favorite Christmas movie, m’boy?”

I glared, “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, did ya?” He cocked an eyebrow at me and I had the overwhelming urge to punch him in the face.

“Well, I know this isn’t Die Hard...aw, shit, you’ve got to be kidding me. Scrooged? Seriously? Nah, this is...I got hit really hard in the head, didn’t I? That’s what this is, because it can’t be because I’m some selfish bastard that never does anything for anybody.” I turned to look at the old man, “Because that’s bullshit. I might hate myself, but even I can recognize that I have given up everything for this godforsaken hell hole of a planet.”

“It ain’t always about bein’ selfish, laddie. Sometimes it’s just about showin’ ya what you already know.”

I rolled my eyes, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He nodded his head towards the bars and I looked out to see the last person I expected to be there. “Y/N?”

She stopped short of the bars and crossed her arms, “You know, it doesn’t look great for an FBI agent to be tossed into the drunk tank, much less on Christmas Eve. What were you thinking, Winchester?”

“Y/N, I-” I stopped short when I heard someone respond...when I heard myself respond, rather snarkily.

“Aww, c’mon, sweetheart. I was just celebrating, alone I might add, because someone didn’t want to come with me. We finished the job in record time, we did it well, and we don’t have anything lined up for the next few days.” I turned around to see myself stand up from the bed, then walk over and lean haphazardly against the bars. “Bust me outta here and let’s go have some fun, huh?”

I rolled my eyes, “I don’t act like that, that’s not remotely accurate.”

“‘Tis a memory, lad. Sorry to say it, but m’thinks tha’ twenty years ago, you pro’lly did act like that. Just keep watchin’.”

Y/N motioned to the guard, who came over and unlocked the cell door. Younger me strolled out, gave the guard a wink, then followed Y/N down the hall and out of the jail. I followed close behind, the old man trailing after me. “You’re lucky I was with you. You realize John would have just left you in there.”

“Yea, yea, I know. But you’re not my old man, and for once it’s just us. No Dad, no Sammy...just us.” He stopped Y/N as I looked on, my heart aching at how beautiful she was in the bright light of the moon. “We’re in New York, why don’t we make the best of it, huh?”

“And do what, Dean? It’s freezing cold, you hate museums and musicals-”

“Hey, I don’t hate ‘em! I’m just very particular about them.” He grabbed Y/N’s hands and rubbed them between his, “What about I take you to Broadway, we’ll go to one of those musicals you’re always going on about? Maybe we can go to Rockefeller Center, go ice skating.”

She laughed and I smiled; God, I missed that laugh. I missed the sound of it, and how her nose crinkled and her eyes squeezed shut. I missed the way she’d laugh so hard she would snort, which would throw her into another round of laughter that caused tears and hiccups as she tried to calm down. I missed her.

“Okay, fine. But you’re paying since I had to bail you out.” He laughed and held his arm out to her.

“Fair enough.” They walked away together in the darkness and I sighed.

“What’s the point in this, old man? Just to remind me of what? That I lost my best friend? That everything that happened from here on out was a catastrophic failure? Because I knew that already. I’ve known it for awhile.”

He gave me a sad smile and shook his head, “Let’s go. We’ve got a coupla more stops to make, don’t wanna lose track o’ time.” He reached out to me and I took a step back.

“I don’t think so. I’m done with this. I’ll wake up, and I’ll be in the floor of some abandoned house, and I’ll have to hear from Sammy how I got my ass handed to me. I’m over it, man.” I turned to walk away and suddenly a hand gripped my upper arm tightly.

“We ain’t done until I say it’s done, m’boy,” the old man practically growled,”Ya need to understand it’s not always about ya, or what ya want. Now, c’mon.” That’s about the time everything went black.

When I woke up, I was sitting on a bench directly on Broadway, and although I got a couple of weird looks, people walked around my legs like nothing was wrong. I guess I wasn’t the first person to jut my legs out into the middle of the sidewalk. “What the hell…”

“Ya say that an awful lot, don’t ya?” I looked up to see the man from before and groaned.

“Well, that tends to be the reaction of someone who keeps getting zapped through time.” I sat up and stretched, “What’s your name anyway?”

“My rightful title is the Ghost of Christmas Past, but ya can call me Neal.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Neal? Really?”

He shrugged, “Ya can call me by m’full name, but that is a bit much, ain’t it? Neal is fine.”

I stood up and shoved my hands in my pockets, “Okay Neal, why are we here?”

He gestured toward the building in front of me and I looked up to see a sign advertising Annie Get Your Gun. The doors flew open and a crowd of people poured out, young me and Y/N trailing after the group, laughing and smiling. Y/N jabbed young me in the ribs with her elbow.

“Admit it, you loved it.”

He shrugged, “It was okay. Annie Oakley is pretty cool, so I admit...for a musical...it was pretty good. But don’t expect me to admit that to anyone else, I’ll deny it.” He grabbed Y/n by the waist and she smiled.

“What do you think you’re doing, Dean Winchester?”

He grinned and winked, “Something I should have done a long time ago.” He bent down and kissed her, and I couldn’t help but smile at the memory. I watched as the crowd swarmed around them, how oblivious they were to the swirling bodies that bumped against them as they exited the theater. He pulled back and she looked up at him, her eyes wide. I remember when she used to look at me like that; it was like I was the only person that existed.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked, her voice low.

He smiled as he brushed hair from her face, and it took everything I had not to reach out and try to do the same myself, “You’re beautiful, do you realize that? The prettiest girl in all of New York.”

She blushed, “Oh shut up. Quit trying to impress me, even though it might be working.” He grinned and grabbed her hand.

“Let’s go.” The two took off down the sidewalk and Neal and I followed. They stopped at the corner, and from down the street, the smooth voice of Frank Sinatra carried all the way to where they were standing. He leaned down and kissed her again, and this time, she kissed back. I closed my eyes as I remembered the spark, how my hands had sunk into her hair, how she had clung to me as if she was afraid to let go. By the time I opened my eyes, they were gone, drawn into the crowd as they made their way to the next destination.

“Aren’t we going to follow them? I mean...us?”

Neal shrugged, “Do ya remember what happens next?”

I nodded, “I took her to Rockefeller Center to ice skate. It was crowded as hell, not exactly as romantic as I had pictured it, but she loved every second of it. I busted my ass more than once, but she was flawless. Kind of reminded me of when she hunted, graceful but still dangerous...like she knew something everyone else didn’t. She...we...were happy.” I sighed and turned to face Neal again, “Why are we doing this? What is the point in all this?”

Neal smiled and gave a small shrug, “Now if I told ya that, laddie, it would defeat the purpose. Go on, now. It’s time to move on.”

“What do you mean? Isn’t there a schedule to this, like the next one comes at midnight tomorrow to collect me and show me the error of my ways? I mean, that’s what-”

Before I could finish my sentence, Neal was gone and I wasn’t in New York anymore. I was standing outside an abandoned house, alone.

I looked around, the setting familiar but not, and threw my hands up. “Seriously, Neal? No warning, no recoup time, just straight into the next one?”

“We don't really have time for that, it's not like we’re filming a movie.”

I jumped at the sudden voice and turned to face the source. A short woman with messy blonde hair was standing behind me, her hands jammed in her pockets and a look of semi-annoyance on her face. “Oh, great, so I guess you're the fairy that smacks me around. Just what I needed.”

She shrugged, “I don't have to smack you around, unless you're into that kind of thing. Not a fairy either. Name’s Alice, but you can call me Al.”

“Well, it’s not nice to meet you, Al.” I turn and look back at the house, “What is this place?”

“I don't know, this is your life, dude. I just show you want you need to see.” Before I can say anything else, I hear a snap and Al and I are standing in the dilapidated living room. Sammy is leaned against a doorway, his arms crossed as he watched Y/N flip through a giant book.

“Wait...this is...this is house we’re holed up in in Mississippi. What's Y/N doing there? It was just me and Sam on this job…” Al shrugged again and I rolled my eyes, “Is that all you do, just shrug?”

“Yea, mostly.”

“Sam, stop it. It's not going to work.” I look at Y/N, who had spoken without looking up.

“What are you talking about? I legitimately needed help, and since Dean is MIA, I thought maybe you could be useful.” Sam was lying, I could see it on his face. If I knew Y/N well enough, she also knew.

“Bullshit. He made his choice, quit trying to Parent Trap us. Where is he anyway? Out with his latest Christmas Eve conquest?”

She said it with a laugh, but I could see the look on her face, and it broke my heart. “Y/N, I swear, I’m not with anyone! I don’t...I don’t know what’s happening, but...it’s not that.”

“She can’t hear you, you know.”

“I know she can’t fucking hear me, Al! Dammit, what is this supposed to teach me, huh? That I shouldn’t have broken up with her? That I should have drug her into a life of pain and uncertainty, and having to watch me die over and over because this life sure as hell won’t let me go. Is that it? Because I won’t do that. I can’t do that. Not to her.”

“Looks like she’s still doing it, even without you.”

I glared at her, “It’s not been that long. She’ll get out eventually. She wasn’t born into this life, and she doesn’t have to stay in it. I should kick Sam’s ass for even calling her.” I watched as Y/N slammed the book shut and grabbed her jacket.

“Come on, Sasquatch. I think I know what you’re dealing with, although I have a suspicion you already knew. Let’s get it over with so I can get out of here before Dean gets back.” Sam frowned but followed after her and I looked back at Al.

“Now what? Do we follow them?”

She shook her head, “Nah, we’re movin’ on. Like I said, we don’t have much time. We gotta jump ahead a little bit. You said something about Y/N moving on, yea?”

“Yea, but what does that-” I was interrupted by once again being zapped somewhere else, and I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like what we were about to see.

I was standing in the middle of a parking lot,  facing the front of a run down hotel, the sign flickering off and on in the darkness. It was raining, although it didn’t seem like I was actually getting wet. Al had flipped her hood up anyway and had lit a cigarette. I narrowed my eyes at her, “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” She shrugged and it took everything I had not to punch her. “Shrug one more time, Al. One more time,” I growled, my hands clenched at my sides.

She took a drag from her cigarette and gave me a tight lipped smile, “Sorry.” She nodded towards the building, “Don’t you want to see why we’re here?”

“Not really, but I guess you’re going to make me, right? So let’s get this shit over with.” I motioned in front of me, “After you, since you know where I’m supposed to be going.” Al walked past me and stopped at Room Thirteen.

“Your turn, Romeo.” I rolled my eyes and moved to open the door, but instead fell through it. The room was dark, but there was enough light coming from outside that I saw two body shaped lumps under the sheets. I watched as the one closest to the door slowly sat up and stretched. Y/N.  

“So you brought me here to show me she’s sleeping with someone else?”

“Quit bitching and keep watching.”

Y/N slipped from bed quietly and began gathering her clothes, but not before I got an eyeful of scars that hadn’t been there before. After she dressed, she sat down and pulled on her boots, carefully lacing them up, then grabbed her jacket and phone from the table. She walked towards the door, paused, went back to the night stand and dug through the wallet that was lying there and pocketed the cash she found. She gave one last look at the form still in bed, then carefully opened the door and shut it quietly behind her. Al and I walked through it, and watched as she hopped into her car and took off, throwing gravel out behind her as she sped off.

“She’s still hunting. And who was that bozo?”

“Who knows? Another hunter, some sorry jackass from the bar who was too drunk to notice all her scars? Does it really matter?”

“Of course it matters! She deserves….God, she deserves so much more than this.” I paused before I asked my next question; I wasn’t sure i wanted the answer. “Where...where am I?”

Al took another puff from her cigarette, then flicked it across the pavement, “I could show you, but there’s not much point. Let’s just say you end up where you started, only this time you don’t leave the cell.”

“What about Sam?” Sam would never leave me in there, not on my own.

“I don’t know. I’m only showing you what I was shown. Maybe Sam begrudgingly agrees to get your drunken ass out, or maybe he leaves you there because he’s tired of your bullshit. Knowing him, though, and your weird codependency, he’ll get you out. That’s not really the point here, Dean. Although I’m not surprised that’s where your brain went.”

I looked in the direction that Y/N had driven, “No, I know that wasn’t the point. She keeps hunting, and she doesn’t settle down. Her life doesn’t change just because I left her. That’s the point, right? That it doesn’t matter what any of us do, we’re all destined to do this anyway.”

“Basically.”

“You know, someone could have just told me that instead of going on this cliche little journey through time.”

Al pulled a cell phone from her pocket and ran her thumb down the screen ,”Yea, but would you have listened? I’m pretty sure time and experience have taught you otherwise.” She looked back up, “Sorry to cut this short, but I’ve got another appointment. So you understand, right? You get why we did this? Get your shit together, Winchester. Neal and I have better things to do than to keep trying to fix your fuck ups, alright? Go get the girl, already.” She snapped her fingers, and everything went black one more time.

I woke up in the Impala, sprawled out in the front seat. I sat up with a gasp and looked around, and realized that I was sitting outside out of a hotel rather than the house Sam and I had been in. “What the hell…” I mumbled, unsure of how I made it to the hotel, never mind with the car. I patted myself down, and not finding any injuries, I slowly climbed out and shut the door. I looked up and realized where I was.

Room Thirteen.

It was definitely a different hotel, but the number was the same. Although it occurred to me that it might be a bad idea to just assume, I walked up to the door anyway and raised my hand to knock. The door swung open and the person on the other side gasped.

“Hey, Y/N,” I nearly whispered, afraid if I was any louder, she’d run. She looked up at me with wide eyes and I wondered if her heart was beating as fast as mine.

“Hi,” she answered just as quietly.

“I...I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry...I just...I wanted to protect you. But you’re just going to end up still hunting while I’m locked up in some drunk tank, and I don’t want you to rob the dudes you sleep with, it’s just not what I wanted for you at all-”

“Excuse me? Who am I robbing? Who said I’m sleeping with anybody-”

“Just listen, okay? Me pushing you away is not going to protect you. It doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to leave this life and go back to what you had before. The moment you found out about all this stuff, there wasn’t any chance of leaving it. I just...I didn’t want to be the reason you felt trapped, okay? I don’t want to be the reason your dreams are gone.”

Y/N smiled at me, a genuine smile...one I haven’t seen in a long time. She put a hand against my cheek and tilted her head, “You’re a dumbass, Dean Winchester. You’re the reason I’m still here to even have dreams. You didn’t take my old life away, you gave me a new one.” She kissed me, and it was like the world stopped. I closed my eyes and let her warmth sink in, deep into my bones. She pulled back and she laughed as I frowned at the separation. I opened my eyes to see her staring at me, “Wherever you are...that’s where my dreams are, okay?”

“You don’t know how great it is to hear that, kid.” I paused, and she raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

“How’d you know I was out here, anyway? You opened the door before I even knocked.”

She shook her head, “No idea. I thought I heard your car and when I looked nothing was there. A couple of minutes later, something made me open the door and check again...and there you were. It was the strangest thing.” She stepped back through the doorway, “Would you like to come inside?”

I nodded and gave her a grin, “Absolutely.” I stopped as I stepped over the threshold and looked over my shoulder. In the distance Neal and Al were standing next to each other, Neal swaying drunkenly and Al smoking. Neal waved, then elbowed Al, who gave a half-hearted nod, and I nodded back. They slowly disappeared into the darkness and I smiled. Merry Christmas, indeed.

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