#definitely me being my harshest critic

[paulmccartneymybeloved]

I'm 3 weeks sober and I feel like I can't stop being like 'hey I'm sober' 'reminder that im sober' 'I don't drink alcohol anymore remember' and I feel so ANNOYING cos whoop de fucking do 3 weeks sober, do u know what I mean. if someone else was 3 weeks sober I'd be like hell yeah that's amazing go you but cos it's me I'm like omg shut UP noone cares!!!!

[little-box-of-wonders]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for the tag @grexigone! n.n

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

33 as of Nov. 15, 2023

2. What's your total A03 word count?

135,824 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Only Horizon (Zero Dawn/Forbidden West) for now.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

To Know Peace: 103 kudos (Rated T) - First longfic

Live for the Night: 88 kudos (Rated E) - First smut fic

Bonding Moments: 83 kudos (Rated G) - Companion vignettes fic for To Know Peace

Devotion: 79 kudos (Rated E) - Kinktober 2023 drabbles collection

Visual Delights: 77 kudos (Rated E) - Fun, smutty 5+1 oneshot

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! Comments mean that someone took the time to read my fic and something stuck with them enough to tell me about it. It makes me feel appreciated, and I want my readers to feel appreciated in turn. :3

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oof, probably Shadowed Heart, which is my first rare pair fic (Fashav/Ritakka). I promise to give them a happier ending in my series.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I'd say To Know Peace has the happiest ending so far.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I got a couple of comments on Bonding Moments about some choices I'd made that rubbed me the wrong way, but I haven't gotten hate publicly or privately. I think it helps that Horizon is still relatively small in the fanfic/fanart space and I don't share my ship-specific fics on the subreddit for the games.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do and I have no shame, hehe. It's mostly M/F and very light on kinks. Other than my Kinktober drabbles, the raunchiest fic I've written is Early Exit.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No crossovers. They're kinda tricky to get right.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

To my knowledge, no, but I haven't checked FF.net or Wattpad to confirm.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. Spanish is my native language, but I have no plans to translate my fics from English to Spanish.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

@jadefyre and I have a smut fic in the works that we started earlier this year. Also, not co-written but @murmart made a beautiful art of Fashav/Ritakka for my fic Heavy in Your Arms. :3

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Definitely Aloy/Kotallo. Not only did seeing their dynamic and conjuring up ship possibilities get me to write again after a long hiatus, but it's also allowed me to become part of a community of amazing creators both in the Kotaloy Elysium Discord server and beyond. n.n

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't necessarily think I'll leave any of my WIPs unfinished, but some are a little more complicated than others in terms of getting them to meet my own standards (yeah, I'm my harshest critic).

With longfics, I've since learned to write until completion and then start posting, only because I don't enjoy the self-imposed pressure to update something that's already out there since life can be really uncertain at times.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue! It takes me such a long time, but I love nailing the voices of the characters correctly and having readers comment on that and their characterization. However, I do find speeches a bit cumbersome to write because every word has so much weight to them, even though I do enjoy the end result.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I struggle with describing environments/settings, because I never know if I'm being descriptive enough to paint a full picture for the reader.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think if it's a few sentences here and there is fine, but anything else might make it inaccessible to part of the readership unless it's stated in the author's note that the fic will feature two or more different languages.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Horizon, though I wrote a (thankfully never published) fic for Final Fantasy VII when I was around 13 years-old; trust me, it wasn't good and I still cringe thinking about the plot. HOWEVER, I miss that feeling of writing without caring about the end result, of just having a deluge of words on paper with a somewhat coherent narrative thread.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

It's hard to pick only one because all of my fics are special in their own way, but I'll go with Hurricane Drunk because I had so much fun describing Kotallo being drunk and struggling with confessing his feelings for Aloy in a humorous way.

Tagging @setavvo, @fogsblue, @hannahmationstudios, @destinysembrace-oblivion and @mwasaw. (No pressure! Only if you want to).

[shxtodxroki]

Match-Up Exchange

These are some match-ups done for @strawberrisnow as part of a match-up exchange we agreed to! Thanks so much for reaching out and deciding to do this exchange with me, I had a ton of fun writing these for you and learning more about you! You seem like such an awesome person and I’d love to get to know you more in the future and be friends, and I hope you enjoyed these match-ups as much as I enjoyed the ones you wrote for me! Also this hasn’t been proofread so apologies in advance for any spelling/grammar mistakes :]

For My Hero Academia, I’d Match You With:

Eijiro Kirishima! :)

Reasoning:

I went back and forth a bit on this one and went through a lot of different options, but Kirishima was my very first thought and I just kept coming back to him when deciding on your match so in the end he definitely seemed like the right fit. He’s a perfect mix of sharing some similarities to you in his more positive outlook and many of your interests, while also being different in ways that would help you mesh well. He’s also an incredibly kind and empathetic person, so I think he’d just be the perfect partner for you overall

Headcanons About Your Relationship:

- First of all Kiri is huge on physical touch, you’ll never be low on affection in that way when you’re with him. He knows it’s taken you a while to feel comfortable with him, so especially when you first get together and/or when you’re going through a tough time he asks for consent before touching you, but as long as you’re comfortable with it he basically never goes anywhere with you without touching you in some way lol. And he frequently leans in to press a kiss to your head or cheek or your nose (his favorite spot), wherever he can reach honestly

- And he also love love loves kissing your beauty marks! He’s heard that superstition that their marks of kisses from lovers in past lives, and so he always feels the need to kiss over each of them as a way to show any “past lovers” that you’re all his now lol :>

- He knows that you tend to be your own harshest critic, so Kiri will always do his absolute best to contradict that voice beating you up inside your head by uplifting you and praising you whenever he can. And whenever he hears you talking negatively about yourself, he’s always telling you how much you bring to his life and the lives of so many others and how you deserve to feel proud of yourself for all the good you do, not beat yourself up for mistakes you’ve made. He never invalidates your feelings, though, he always lets you vent and share your thoughts with him even if it hurts to hear you talk negatively about yourself. He just makes sure to reassure you of how amazing you truly are as well

- I think he’d really enjoy playing video games with you! He loves that you still play on the DS since hand-held consoles are usually his favorites, and though he’d never played Animal Crossing before he met you, he decides to play it with you and ends up falling in love with the game lol. The two of you end up logging so many hours playing together and he’s always on the hunt for the perfect villagers for his island

- He also adores your taste in both fashion and aesthetics! He thinks cottagecore is so gentle and soothing and is a nice contrast to the often harsh and abrasive environment of the hero world, even if that is his personal taste it’s nice for a more peaceful vibe on occasion. And when it comes to your fashion he’s completely hooked, he thinks it looks so pretty and if you ever point out something specific that you like or would just want to try on, he always encourages you to go for it and takes lots of pictures 

- He probably hadn’t heard of dermatillomania before he got together with you, but once you’ve told him about it, not only does he research what it is so that he can better understand what you’re going through, but he also tries to help however he can. If you’re interested he’d be happy to buy you one of those picking stones online or something similar, though he never makes you feel judged for your condition. He just wants the best for you, whatever that means to you and is happy to fulfill anything you ask of him in that regard

- He also always notices any acts of service you do for him, even small ones like knocking an item off his to-do list. And he always thanks you with the brightest grin and a hug to show his gratitude, as he wants to make sure you never feel underappreciated in your relationship. He wants you to know that he sees you and what you do for him, and that he values your presence in his life every single day <3

- And while Kirishima’s a very bright and energetic person most of the time, he’s also someone who has his fair share of hardships he’s experienced throughout his lifetime. So he’s an incredibly empathetic and kind person, and he’s always willing to hold and reassure you when you’re going through your own struggles or anxieties, and to be a listening ear whenever you need to get something off your chest. If you need space, though, he understands that as well, as I said before he just wants what’s best for you so whatever you need from him in order to feel better, he’s more than happy to provide

- And because of your kindness, you’re one of the only people he’s ever felt comfortable enough around to tell about his own past experiences and insecurities. He knows you’d never, ever judge him, and knowing that you’re able to tell him your needs and worries allows him to feel safe doing the same, and the kindness you both share breeds an incredibly comfortable and safe relationship between the two of you

Second Choice:

I also really considered Tamaki for your match-up. He’s someone who would absolutely understand what you’re thinking and feeling a large majority of the time, as he’s very perceptive and feels many of the same things you do. I feel he’d be a very kind and understanding partner too, the only reason I decided not to go with him is because he seems like the kind of partner who may struggle to show his love verbally or through physical touch for quite a while, so I went with Kirishima as he shared many of these qualities and would also be more comfortable fulfilling your love languages :)

Song For Your Relationship:

I’m Yours by Jason Mraz <3

For Haikyuu, I’d Match You With:

Keiji Akaashi! :)

Reasoning:

When looking through all the Haikyuu boys Akaashi definitely seemed the best suited for you overall. I think the two of you have a lot of similarities, so you’d be able to understand each other well in a lot of ways and communication would be so smooth between the two of you because of that. And he’s also a very gentle, kind person, so he’d be the perfect person to be by your side in all moments, even during hard times :]

Headcanons About Your Relationship:

- Now I think Keiji would meet all of the qualities you look for in a partner, he’s absolutely kind and honest. But he’s especially loyal, he knows how hard it can be for you to grow comfortable with someone and he really treasures your love and the relationship the two of you share, so he’s fiercely loyal when it comes to you. He’s not really in-your-face or super public about you, but he has a picture of you of his homescreen and tells anyone who asks about it who you are straight away, and if anyone even hints at any interest in him, he’s quick and succinct in shutting them down in order to make his way home to you and show you that you’re the only one who will ever have his heart <3

- He’s also big on communication, it���s definitely a top priority for him in a relationship as well so the two of you would mesh really well in that regard. And he’s very open and communicative with you, he never raises his voice or loses his temper and he always talks things through with you, and your guys’ relationship is so incredibly healthy because of how much you both value communication since you rarely ever even have disagreements and feel like you’re able to be completely open and vulnerable with one another

- And he’s also incredibly understanding of your needs, whether it’s words of reassurance and affirmation which he provides with ease as he never gets tired of how important you are to him and everything he adores about you, or if it’s just some time to yourself which he’s also happy to provide. All he asks is that you check in with him when you feel up to it, so he knows you’re okay, and whenever you’re ready to see him again he’s happy to drop everything and make his way to you once more

- He knows that you tend to be a people pleaser, and while he’d never try to change you and in many ways admires your kindness and compassion for others, he’s always making sure that you aren’t being taken advantage of or stretching yourself too thin for someone else’s benefit. And oh boy, if anyone ever does take advantage of you they’ll have him to deal with. And while he’d never behave this way towards you, anyone who hurts you will see how truly harsh and vicious his words can be when he’s angry

- Akaashi’s also incredibly sensitive to and understanding of your OCD. when you first explain it to him, he does a lot of research and listens carefully to everything you tell him to make sure he knows what it means and what you may need from him, but he also understands that no amount of research he does will replace your own lived experience, so he always defers to you and listens to you above all else when it comes to your needs for him in being sensitive to your OCD

- I think he’d also really admire your love of art. He finds both ceramics and painting incredibly captivating and thinks they’re such beautiful art forms, and if you’ll ever let him watch as you work, he’d be completely hooked. He’s very interested in all kinds of art forms even if he doesn’t express it much (and he’s also incredible with color theory, if you’re ever struggling to blend a certain shade just ask him and he’ll have it ready in seconds) and you actually help him come out of his shell more in that regard and embrace his artistic side, with creative date nights like ones where you swap paintings one another to create two fun, unique pieces together :D

- Another common date idea between the two of you would be beach dates. He knows how much you enjoy the beach and the smell of the ocean air, so though he’s never been much of a beach person himself, it’s become somewhat of a regular occurrence for the two of you to get in his car and head down to the beach, because he’d do anything to see the serenity and happiness on your face when you’re at one of the places you enjoy most. And he really enjoys the sound of the waves too, even if he doesn't always go swimming with you he's content to just relax and listen to the sounds of the ocean

- He’s also so fascinated with your interest in languages, he finds intelligence and desire to learn and/or teach others to be incredibly intriguing and attractive so that’s definitely one of the qualities he would admire most about you. And if/when you decide to learn another language, he’s more than happy to help you study if you ask him to, and he may even end up deciding to learn it alongside you 

- He’d also really enjoy baking with you, I think he’s the kind of person who’s good at both cooking and baking when he has the time to do so. So on his days off, sometimes he likes to cook a nice dinner for you (and makes sure to avoid any spicy foods, since he knows you don’t like them) and then the two of you can bake whatever dessert you’re in the mood for together, for a nice treat to end off the night

- Bonus: He’d also be totally fascinated with your love of marine biology, it’s a subject he knows very little about but he’d be happy to listen to you infodump for as long as you’d like about the subject since he finds other life forms so interesting and loves getting to hear about your passions

Second Choice:

I was really close to matching you with Sugawara instead before settling on Akaashi. He’s very bright and optimistic like you, while also being incredibly kind and understanding. He’s big on communication and he’d understand whenever you needed space as well, he’d truly be a dream partner as well. It was really hard to choose between him and Akaashi and they both came pretty close, I just thought that Akaashi’s slightly more down-to-Earth nature would blend a tiny bit better with your personality overall :>

Song For Your Relationship:

I Like Me Better by Lauv <3

For Obey Me, I’d Match You With:

Beelzebub! :)

Reasoning:

When reading about the kind of person you are, my mind was immediately drawn to Beelzebub as someone who’s perfectly fit for you in most every way. I think he’d be pretty emotionally intelligent (just more subtle about it) and very sensitive to your feelings, and he’d meet all of your needs in a partner and a relationship

Headcanons About Your Relationship:

- You mentioned that a quality you’d really like in a partner is being kind to both other people and to animals, and Beelzebub definitely fits that, especially when it comes to animals. I think he’d actually be incredibly gentle when it comes to animals, especially cats since he says they remind him of Belphie :> But sometimes you catch him sacrificing some scraps of his own food (which you know he cherishes) to feed to strays around the Devildom, and he’s happy to invite you to join him when you eventually catch him in this routine

- And if you’d be interested, he’d love to get a pet someday too :) As I said before he’s a bit partial to cats but honestly he’d be down for pretty much any pet, and he’s really good at keeping track of feeding times and giving whatever pets you choose lots of love and affection as the two of you help it live its best life possible

- He knows how you enjoy sweets, so he’s always bringing you along to new places in the Devildom to try a yummy baked good or experimental candy flavor :D You’re literally the only person he ever shares food/sweets with on a frequent basis, and whenever he’s out buying food for himself and sees a little sweet treat he knows you like he makes sure to buy it especially if it’s peanut butter flavored (and restrains himself from eating it, no matter how hard it is) to give it to you when he sees you next

- He would also love watching cartoons with you! Whenever he knows you have a lot going on he always makes time to help you decompress, as he prepares PLENTY of delicious snacks and holds you in his lap while the two of you marathon whichever show you’re in the mood for at the time :> And he doesn’t watch them just to appease you either, he genuinely gets invested in the characters and storylines and days later he’ll randomly reference something from the show absentmindedly, it’s clear he genuinely enjoys many of the shows you show him

- He also becomes absolutely obsessed with slime. It starts with him seeing a few videos online and sending them to you asking “Is this what you were telling me about the other day?” and eventually he orders you a few different slimes, but when he feels all the different textures and notices the way it calms him to play around with one in his hands, he becomes hooked and buys a few for himself for when he’s feeling overwhelmed or hungry and can’t have food. He just has to be careful to avoid any with food scents, since he definitely couldn’t resist the temptation to eat them if he had them 

- He’s a very casually affectionate person, especially physically, so he’s often holding your hand or wrapping an arm around you when you’re together, even if he doesn’t realize it. He definitely loves cuddles too, once he’s had a nice big meal his favorite thing to do is visit your room, crawl into bed and wrap his arms around you like a nice, warm cocoon as he nuzzles into you and enjoys your company <3

And he’s very good with words too. He knows that you’re a sensitive person so he’s always careful to think about what he says before he says anything, because he’d never want to speak without thinking and accidentally hurt you in any way. And he’s big on communication too, he knows that a relationship can only work when there’s honesty and communication so any issues between the two of you are brought up and resolved before they can blow up, and you always work to solve any issues together as an “us vs. the problem” mindset rather than feeling pit against one another

- He also would be understanding of times where you don’t want cuddles or verbal reassurance and just need time to yourself, though. He never takes it personally when you push it away, as I think he’d have experience with situations like this as Belphie often reacts the same way when he’s upset or overwhelmed. It may take him a while, but eventually he learns how to read your emotions and know when you need space without having to tell him, so he leaves you with a warm cuddly blanket or your favorite drink and gives you all the time you need to decompress, while making sure you know that you’re welcome to come to him whenever you feel ready to do so

- And though he doesn’t often blush or get flustered, one thing that I think would actually make him flustered would be if you wore his shirts/clothes around the house. He already buys them to be a tiny bit big on him, so they’re comfy and oversized on you and the sight of you in his favorite shirt definitely melts his heart a little :> And he’s never really been a jealous guy, but it does bring him a bit extra joy to see you wearing one of his oversized shirts around the house/in front of his brothers, just because he loves being able to show off your relationship to others in small, subtle ways like that 

Second Choice:

I also considered Simeon when choosing your match-up. He hits a lot of the same qualities in a partner that made me pair you up with Beelzebub, he’s kind and gentle and I think he’d really admire you and be invested in a lot of your interests as well! Beelzebub just seemed like a slightly better fit, as I thought the two of you were the perfect balance between similar and different to make the best possible match

Song For Your Relationship:

Paper Rings by Taylor Swift <3

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 2/5

Book Blurb:

A struggling writer is forced to walk down the aisle at her best friend’s wedding with the man who gave her book a very public one-star rating in this fresh romantic comedy from Laura Hankin.

Natalie and Rob couldn’t have less in common. Nat’s a messy artist, and Rob’s a rigid academic. The only thing they share is their devotion to their respective best friends—who just got engaged. Still, unexpected chemistry has Natalie cautiously optimistic about being maid of honor to Rob’s best man.

Until, minutes before the ceremony, Nat learns that Rob wrote a one-star review of her new novel, which has them both reeling: Nat from imposter syndrome, and Rob over the reason he needed to write it.

When the reception ends, these two opposites hope they’ll never meet again. But, as they slip from their twenties into their thirties, they’re forced together whenever their fast-track best friends celebrate another milestone. Through housewarmings and christenings, life-changing triumphs and failures, Natalie and Rob grapple with their own choices—and how your harshest critic can become your perfectly imperfect match.

After all, even the truest love stories sometimes need a bit of rewriting.

Review:

A struggling author is forced to walk down the aisle at her best friend's wedding with the man who gave her book a one star rating... and now they keep running into each other throughout the years and their relationship evolves throughout it all. Natalie and Rob are polar opposites, Natalie is a chaotic author while Rob is a rigid academic. The only thing they do have in common is that they absolutely love their respective best friends... who just happen to be getting married to one another. When Rob and Nat first meet (pre engagement) they hit it off but when they meet again during the wedding.... and Nat has just published her book only to discover that Rob has left her a one star review... things are awkward as they have to both walk down the isle as the maid of honor/ best man. What started off as friendship is now something frosty as Rob can't stand Nat for how she characterized Angus and Nat doesn't see what she did wrong. Nat and Rob keep running into each other throughout the years, as they both end up attending parties and events that their respective best friend throws.... and as they grow so does their relationship. They were never meant to meet again yet as they go form their twenties to their thirties, they keep finding each other, going through hardships and success, and finally maybe addressing the feelings that have been between them all along. I'll be honest, I was so excited to read this book, the premise sounds like so much fun.. however I just felt lukewarm about the entire story. I just couldn't stand Nat all that much, she kept getting on my nerves and the fact that Gabby and Angus kept her in their lives was truly a testament to their kindness. The story definitely was more chick-lit than an actual romance book. The story deals with Nat's career growth and Gabby's health scare and how they grow as the years go on. I just found the book to be boring and the romance just didn't feel like it was there for me sadly. If you enjoy slow burn stories that focus on growth and life I would say this is definitely for you and that you'd probably have a better time with it than I did.

Release Date: June 18,2024

Publication/Blog: Ash and Books (ash-and-books.tumblr.com)

*Thanks Netgalley and Berkley Publishing Group | Berkley for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[the-bar-sinister]

Hi Sinister. I hope you all don’t mind a vent.

I’ve been worried about posting about my F/Os because I see posts that people say that they hate when a character is mischaracterized by the fandom. I feel like I’d be doing a disservice to those people if I post stuff about my relationship with my F/Os of a certain fandom. (No specifics, sorry.) People in that fandom seem very protective of the characters being in character all the time. (Which isn’t wrong or anything, it just makes me feel very nervous about posting when it comes to the way I enjoy the characters.) I saw a post about someone ranting about how people that flanderize the characters of this specific fandom should just move to other fandoms that are more lighthearted, because there’s plenty of those out there.

Compared to other fandoms I’m in, this one is just really divisive for me because I’m definitely flanderizing the characters in my writing. I have strong feelings for the characters but the way that I write them is more opposite to their canon personalities. (Not totally opposite, but the characters are less violent.) Have any of you had a similar experience, or any tips on how to move past this? Idk how to not take those kind of posts about people not liking the characters being ooc too seriously. 🙁

Hey friend. I'm sorry you're feeling so rough about this. I can definitely understand the source of your discomfort -- it's never fun to feel like you're doing something that other people are vocally complaining about.

But I do think that you're taking it too seriously, and I don't mean that in a way to belittle you or make light of your feelings. But I remind you that we are our own harshest critics.

Please remember that fandom is supposed to be for fun first and everything else second. And that means fun for you.

Characters don't belong to anyone in fandom. They're like dolls for you to play with.

And you are allowed to play with the doll however you want to, even if other people say how you are playing is "wrong".

There is no one true correct interpretation any media or character. Your interpretation is as valid as anyone else's.

Anyone who doesn't like seeing your posts about the character is perfectly capable of scrolling away from your posts, filtering your tags, of blocking you.

They can say "he would not say that" all they like, but you can keep writing whatever you like.

You do not owe anyone "in character" interpretations, fic or headcanons.

Your shipping is for you, and you don't need to change it for anybody.

If you really want to show you're being an extra good sport about it, feel free to specify that your version of the character is an AU version. You can even given them a designation like nice!character or my version!character and tag them that way!

Sending good vibes your way, and keep shipping! 💖

[ferne-exst]

A two part Revalink drabble that was going somewhere, but then didn’t.

Inspired by “Socks” by Dominic Fike

-

The hero of Hyrule stared at his shoes. He looked like a child, and not a young man that had slain the universe’s greatest evil three years ago.

I’m messy. Simply said, reeking with shame.

“Oh, do I know.” Revali said without missing a beat. The hero’s head did not raise. He actually seemed to wilt even more.

And irresponsible. I irritate you.

“Very much so.”

And I have twigs in my hair.

“That will be a real pain in my feathers to extract once we’re home, yes”. Revali said with exasperation, but with not an ounce less of fondness.

Link then huffed in frustration; whatever plan he had was definitely not working; whatever cryptic message he was trying to say wasn’t being understood. He finally looked Revali in the eye, to shoot him a glare of all things.

A real one, this time. His thick eyebrows were furrowed so hard, the skin between them wrinkled. And his lips weren’t pulled into that little pout Revali liked, but a tight, angry curl. The Rito just rolled his eyes.

“If this is an attempt to scare me away by listing all your flaws,” He moved closer to the hylian, beginning to almost circle him, “it’s not going to work.”

“I’m afraid I’ve come to love every little irritating thing about you.”

“You’re correct. You are messy, and some days, you make me want to pluck every feather out of my head out of stress. And you have many twigs in your hair.” His face wrinkled with disgust as he ripped one loose, leaves and all.

“But I’ve already made up my mind to clean up your messes for the rest of my life. And to preen this rats nest of yours even after it’s turned gray. And I do not see that as a burden, but a reward, and it is something I look forward to very much.”

He cupped Link’s face in his hands and gave him a doughy smile. Link could only stare back, mixed with a whole bunch of feelings

“And I’m - although I hate to admit it,” he let out the most dramatic sigh, that almost made Link chuckle even in his terrible mood, “a bit abrasive, over critical, certainly not the most sociable, and judgemental. Even though most of the judgment is warranted!” That last part did succeed in getting a small laugh out of him. Revali basked in it with pride, and he made sure the last part of his speech was extra sweet.

“Yet you continue to love me as I am, in my entirety. Why do you feel as if I’m not already devoted to giving you the same treatment?”

“Well, nice try. But you’re stuck with me.” He said with probably the cheekiest smile Link had ever seen on him. It made his heart ache. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything in return.

“Which honestly is a privilege more than anything.”

——

“Are you serious?”

Link just nodded his head in agreement, with a pleasant smile on his face. The same gleeful response he’s been giving his partner for the past ten minutes. It’s driving Revali mad.

Every flaw you have is a part of you. And I love you, so the rest doesn’t matter. Link shrugged, like that made perfect sense to him. Like he - a single little Hylian - had cracked the key to love, one of Hyrule’s greatest mysteries. To hell if he was one of Hylia’s favorites, she couldn’t have possibly whispered the secret of love into his ear.

Could she?

“That’s ridiculous.”

I don’t think so.

“You’re crazy.”

Maybe.

“You can’t say that, you don’t love everything.”

I do

Revali looked scandalized. “You can’t love my attitude.”

I do

“Or when I insult your hair, or your posture.”

The Rito had begun quickly pacing around the room in his stress and confusion, circling Link like a really confused hawk might its prey. Link just sat in the center, watching him circle around content, singing the same phrase.

I do.

“I’m completely sour, I’m insufferable.”

No matter what the Rito bit at him, Link didn’t budge. The warmth in that upturned gaze never faltered, and he smiled at him like a precious gemstone that he had found.

Even when he was thrown the harshest jabs or complaints Revali could muster, and his face scrunched up in anger at some of them, Link’s eyes still shone with an undying fondness. As long as Revali looked into his eyes, he’d know that there was someone madly in love with him. Any doubts of ever being loved could be thrown to the wind.

[betweenthings2]

hello!!!!

hope you are having a lovely start to your summer!!! it’s winter in australia now (obviously) and it’s so miserable. a core part of my identity is wearing lacy silky tank tops and now i’m forced to wear scarfs and multiple layers under cable knit sweaters. ugh. i also have covid which is fabulous especially since im meant to sit two major practical assessments at tafe this week. i’m studying patisserie and it’s great but the thought of getting yelled at by a chef over this is equal parts exhausting and terrifying. enough about that tho.

i’m rereading Everything and wanted to point out a specific passage that remoulded my whole being, but the more i read the more exerts piled up and it was getting a bit ridiculous, so i’m being good and limiting myself to three

1) “I want to,” Matty promises. “I really do. I, erm, I was trying to figure out how to bring it up without being presumptuous.”

“I’m ok with presumptuous,” George offers. “Really.”

"I just,” a pause. Then, in a quiet voice Matty admits, “He haunts me, George.”

"Matty," George murmurs, resisting the urge to tug Matty into a tight hug.

"I am haunted. He's in the room every time my wrist hurts, every time something slams, every time someone touches me and I'm not prepared for it. There is something in the corner of every room I'm in telling me I'm less, telling me I need to be scared, telling me that the only way I will ever be loved is through violence."

he haunts me. i am haunted. LEAVE ME ALONE😭the whole lead up to this with george saying he’d get married to matty in a heart beat is just so. sweet. your writing is so bittersweet i want to watch it all on a big screen with my friends who don’t care about the 1975 at the independent cinema in my area. like this scene is something that would be edited and talked about the way scenes from Normal People are talked about. paul mescal wishes he had this script.

2) George finishes cooking and Matty’s good mood lasts through the rest of the evening and into the next day.

It ends, though, because of course does and because Matty can never catch a break.

like a bucket of icy cold water crashing over me OH MY GOD. literally felt my heart drop even tho i knew what was coming next.

3) George feels like he can't breathe, like he's been hit in the stomach. He can't do anything but let Matty's words fall heavy in the room, his own guilt following just milliseconds later, because he has Matty naked in bed and it doesn't seem to matter how gentle or careful he was or how many times he stopped to check in and make sure Matty was ok because he was the one who had initiated it and oh, god, what if he's just as bad? What if George just ruined everything? What if he hurt Matty? What if he forced Matty into something he didn't want to do? What if everything is ruined now over something as trivial as sex?

wow. putting aside how tender the previous scene was and how gut wrenching mattys admission is this spiral is so well put. “something ad trivial as sex” is so profound to me. i just want to hug george he is trying so hard and giving himself such little grace. i don’t remember the exact wording but IRL matty once said something about how “we give the people we love the least amount of slack and grace because we love them” and that kinda mirrors how you wrote “One of the many problems with it is that the person Matty usually ends up targeting is himself. The only person who ever ends up suffering because Matty gets scared is himself. Matty is his own harshest critic and his own first victim.” and it’s just like, george please you are trying so hard also and are so good also please give yourself the kindness you are showing matty. they are so young to be dealing with something so heavy it’s breaking my heart.

i went into this thinking it would be a short little message but it never really is is it? so sorry about the rambling let’s blame covid even tho it’s definitely just me😵‍💫 will update you on what i read next🩷🩷🩷🩷 !!!!

🍵

Hell, Matcha Anon!!

I'm sorry it's winter for you! I'd swap seasons with you, if it were possible, because I was not made for temperatures over about 65*F. I also never have any fun during the summer--I just work and think about how much I'd like to not have to have a job. I hope your sweaters are cozy and that you have some good hot tea.

I'm also so very sorry you have Covid. Covid is awful. I had it actual years ago and I still feel a little like I didn't completely recover. I tried to write and watch films while I was sick, but the brain fog was so bad that I literally could not focus long enough to watch anything or write a paragraph, so I literally laid in bed for a week and watched TikToks. I also think it changed the way I taste things and what I like. I hope you feel better soon!

Studying patisserie sounds like fun! I'm on a quest to figure out how to make good croissants because I firmly believe that when you consider all the variations, croissants are the best pastry. I figured out macarons, now it's time for croissants.

You absolutely do not have to limit yourself to three comments. You could go through the fic paragraph by paragraph and I would read every word and have comments on everything.

1) I was reading something a while ago about the notion of hauntings and that inspired this bit of dialogue. It predates the fic and was part of the reason I wanted to write Everything. It didn't fit into The Big Light but I liked it, so I wrote 11k words to use it, which seemed logical at the time.

Fictional!Matty really is haunted, I think, not just by this particular partner, but by everyone who has ever mistreated him and all his own mistakes. Fictional!George doesn't quite grasp it though. He doesn't really understand that fictional!Matty can't just move forward and believe what he says because there's all this everything else. It's also an idea I really wanted to explore--what does it mean to be haunted? what does it mean to haunt? what is the difference between a haunt and a memory?

I'm thrilled this part resonated with you! The idea of a haunt feels so evocative, but I do often watch Ghost Files or Buzzfeed Unsolved while I write, so maybe that influenced things. I don't think ghosts are real, but it's good background noise for me.

My writing as a film??? It's of film quality?? Really?? Thank you so much!!

2) This part only really happened the way it did because I needed to put fictional!Matty and fictional!Adam together in the narrative. I had already written the conversation fictional!M+G have in bed and I needed a reason for fictional!Matty and fictional!Adam to have a private conversation. It's already mostly written for the version of Everything from fictional!Matty's POV.

3) I was kind of on the fence about the last line you highlighted, if I'm being honest. On one hand, sex is kind of trivial, but on the other, it's really important and it is really important to this narrative and this construction of fictional!M+G. I've got some notes for these scenes from fictional!Matty's POV and they're all about him feeling important and loved.

Fictional!George is trying so hard throughout all of these fics. He loves fictional!Matty so much, but fictional!Matty is so hurt and scared. There's a little bit of a lack of communication in some ways, I think where neither of them can say the kind of naked truth, so they go back and forth with a kind of layer between what they say and what they mean. Fictional!Matty can't figure out how to say everything and fictional!George doesn't know if he can ask, let alone how. There's going to be some resolution to this eventually, though, I promise.

They're in their late twenties here because it's before A Brief Inquiry and there's supposed to be this air of love and celebration at the very beginning because fictional!Matty went to rehab! he's doing better! he's sober and alive and he's putting all the bad behind him! they're making another record! and then it's all taken away by all the bad that happens in these fics. It's so hard for them to comprehend how truly awful everything is because things were supposed to be good. It's so big and there's so much and it's so hard. They're going to be happy, though, in the very end. That's my promise.

I look forward to your thoughts on whatever you read next and I hope you feel better soon! Thank you!! 💚💚

[gen-writes]

Writing and Self Doubt

unfortunately this post is gonna be a little bit of a downer, but i’ve been really struggling with my self image lately (honestly in all areas — physical, mental, creative) and i want to address this in case any of you guys are experiencing something similar.

i feel like writing is romanticized a lot of the time, and for the most part, it’s really not accurate. the hot mug of tea, classical music playing in the background, sitting at your desk in flickering candlelight with a notepad at your side. in reality, that vibe is only matched once in a blue moon for me. 99% of it is me hunched over my computer screen, dehydrated but too into my work to get up and get a drink of water, mumbling to myself like a madman, aaaand…only writing about two sentences an hour.

all jokes aside though, i’ve been stressing about my career path lately. i’ve still got time to figure it out, but i know for an absolute fact that i want to be a published author and it scares me that i can’t guarantee that it’ll happen. what if all of this time and energy and thought that’s going into my book ends up as a finished manuscript gathering dust on a shelf? or worse, what if i give up on it entirely? what if i start querying and never get an agent, or get an agent but never sell my book? what if i’m not good enough?

that’s my biggest writing fear: what if i’m not good enough, and what if i’ll never be good enough?

story time: i was looking through my manuscript today, excited to continue a scene i’ve been working on, but the second i looked at it, i felt like crying. i didn’t like anything i read over. it sounded childish and unprofessional, and immediately a thought popped into my head: “you actually thought this was good?” this story that i’ve spent years putting my heart and soul into just isn’t everything i’d dreamed it would be. sure, some days it is. but other days, it sounds like my writing from five years ago and i doubt that i’ve made any progress.

but here’s the point of all this: i know i want to be a writer. i know i want to be published. no, i can’t guarantee that i’ll make it in traditional publishing, but that’s always been and always will be my dream, so i can’t give up on it just because i feel down. basically, stick to the age-old “if you don’t try, you’ll never know.”

if you’re currently doubting your writing, let me tell you something: it isn’t perfect. neither is mine. honestly, i don’t believe in perfect writing, and i also don’t believe in labeling your work as “not good enough.” not good enough for who? yourself? a publishing agency? a reader? art is and always will be subjective, and sure, there are definitive rights and wrong and goods and bads to the craft, but there’s a mix of all of that in every piece of writing.

i can’t tell you if your writing is publishable, or even if it ever will be. the one thing i can say for certain, though, is that you’ll never get better without practice. that means letting go of the writing romanticization, sitting down with your laptop, and getting to work. it means being your harshest critic while also realizing that your writing doesn’t define your worth and is always improving.

this was more a message to myself than anything. i find it easier to take my own advice when i put it into words, so this was a mouthful lol but thanks for sticking around. keep writing and working hard besties <3

[surveysand]

thirty-three.

1~ What quality do you value most highly in others? acceptance.

2~ Are you more aggressive or mellow? aggressive.

3~ Who has made the biggest sacrifice for you? my parents.

4~ Do you take any vitamins or medication? i take several medications. 5~ Do you want to grow old with someone? yes.

6~ Do you treat others better or worse than yourself and why? i definitely treat people better than i do myself. at the end of the day, i'm always going to be my harshest critic so it would take me being a truly vile person to treat others worse than i already treat myself. i also always try to extend love and kindness to those around me because, as the saying goes, you never can know what someone's truly going through,

7~ What sound is annoying you right now? nothing, really.

8~ Where was your last vacation to? ohio.

9~ Where was your last car ride to? from applebee's to my apartment.

10~ Where did you last walk to? some trees outside of my apartment.

11~ What gives you a peaceful feeling? listening to relaxing, slow music. lying in the shade on a sunny day. looking out the window while on a car ride.

12~ Are you a light sleeper? yes, i'm startled quite easily.

13~ When you sleep next to someone who usually falls asleep first? me. i'm always tired.

14~ How many people have a piece of your heart? one.

15~ What do your salt and pepper shakers look like? they're in the white and black plastic ones i bought them in, lol. nothing special.

16~ When was the last time you hurt yourself? i accidentally burned my finger a few weeks ago, so i guess when i did that.

17~ Would you rather live in the city, suburbs or the country? the city.

18~ Have you ever built something? yes, a few pieces of furniture.

19~ Are you more of a maker and giver, or a taker and user?

if i'm being honest, a taker and user. i always feel like people do more for me than i do for them, no matter how much i love and try to give them more.

20~ Do you take naps? always. i'm constantly tired. i probably take one or two everyday.

21~ Do you buy holiday gifts early or at the last minute? depends on the person i'm buying for and what i plan to get, but i try to buy as early as i can.

22~ Do you laugh when there is no joke and dance when there is no music? i guess sometimes to both.

23~ If someone else were to describe you what would you hope they would say? accepting.

24~ What is the dirtiest habit you can think of? picking one's nose.

25~ Do you ever need ‘quiet time’? absolutely.

26~ Do you think it is harder for a parent to outlive their child or for their child to outlive them? a parent to outlive their child.

27~ What was your best find from a flea market, garage sale, ebay or thrift? on ebay, i found a older taylor swift t-shirt for way cheaper than what they typically go for.

28~ What is one selfish thing you tend to do? i ignore people sometimes when i feel too tired to respond.

29~ What kinds of people do you find intimidating? in workplaces, higher-ups and those with more power and authority compared to me.

30~ Out of everyone you know who has the most unique personality? one of my best friends.

31~ When do you do your best thinking? late at night.

32~ What was a choice that you didn’t want to make but you had to? deciding whether to take a job opportunity that was too far for me to travel to but would've given my great experience.

33~ Have you ever written a letter to a soldier? no.

34~ What does your favorite coffee mug look like? i only have one that says "happy morning" on it, lol.

35~ What age do you think it is most difficult to be? early twenties.

36~ Do you think you could handle a day in jail? no.

37~ Who is the most overbearing person you know? myself. if that's a cop-out, i'd say my brother.

38~ Have you ever been on a trampoline? yes.

39~ What do you use batteries for the most often? remotes, i guess? most things i have plug in.

40~ Would you prefer to wrap your own presents or have them all gift wrapped? i love to wrap presents, so i'd rather do it myself.

[draslihanxfahri-bailey]

Playfully thinking for a moment, she smiled brightly. "Took me a total of five years before I felt like I could no longer call my mum begging for help," she admitted. Sure, while it was playful, there was also truth in it. Aslihan was a perfectionist at heart and wanted to make sure that Alex's birthday was exactly everything her daughter wants. No matter how big or how small it is. However, she was also her harshest critic and felt like nothing she did for her daughter was right. She's turned to her parents, especially her mother, whenever she felt like this and needed some guidance. "Seriously, though: you've been doing an incredible job these past few years and you're only getting better and better. But god, I am not ready for that stage. I'm praying we'll get lucky." The thought of Alex reaching that age where she couldn't connect with her parents and even hate them for awhile... It was truly the worst pain in the world.

Fortunately, their playful bickering helped her to move her thoughts from Alex getting older and what that could entail. "I'm going to trademark it and get started on that sash. I'll personalized it and everything as well," the curator teased. Though god, thinking about them thirty years from now was truly a breath-stopping moment. Her baby was going to be thirty or about to turn thirty... Would Asli be around to see that, considering how off her health's been the past few years? Breathing shakily, she cleared her throat and tried to move right along. "Mesh material," she offered automatically. "I'm sure Maya could think of something better, though. I know she'll definitely be on board with this whole idea. Wha---It's just a little glitter! I'm sure it won't be that bad." Though she couldn't stifle her giggles at the image of Atlas covered in glitter. Pressing her lips, she narrowed her eyes at him... Before grinning. "Okay, fine. Touché. Though I'm certain you can get all of that done from your new humble abode as well."

God, was this a horrible idea? Was this the worst time possible to do this? Could this destroy any progress they've had in their relationship and during the past few years of co-parenting together? Nervously, she glanced up at him. Trying to decipher if he is having any doubts or wanting to stop this from going any farther. Having noticed his white knuckles, she carefully reached up to place her hand over his, squeezing it reassuringly at his words before nodding. "Okay," she said, moving her hand back. "If you want to stop at any time, let me know." Looking back at the monitor, it was now or never. She licked her lips and pressed on the first folder for Alex's first birthday: Wild One, an entirely wolf-themed first birthday. She pressed through each photograph, making sure to hold on each for at least ten seconds to let it sink in before moving on. Eventually starting to get into videos as well, the first one being a video of Asli holding Alex as the Happy Birthday song was being sung. Yet, it wasn't just the two that the video was focused on as well. But next to them was a photograph of Atlas, which then led to a picture of Asli and Alex along with a photo of Atlas, then a picture of just Alex and Atlas. Asli's eyes welled up with each photo and video, until she finally paused on that photo. She's looked through each folder thousands of times and committed all of these memories to heart. Yet this was different. This was with the man she wished had always been there, the man that she's tried to reach out to thousands of times throughout the years before fear got the best of her in the end every time. Swallowing down the lump that formed in her throat and blinking back her tears, she asked carefully, "Do... Do you want to continue...?"

He couldn't blame Aslihan for keeping their daughter an ocean away for years. At the end of the day, the only thing that had mattered was keeping Alex safe from everything in the world that could potentially hurt, including him — the American boy who had thrown caution to the wind and hadn't even bothered looking back upon his exit. It was a very telling thing, wasn't it? That he'd left without ever reaching out after the fact to check in. If she'd written him off as a deadbeat, it was deserved. While she went through nine months of pregnancy, he'd been off in Colorado burying himself in every stranger he could find. It was irresponsible, it was immature, it was everything that she wanted to protect Alex from. As much as he liked to believe that he would have stepped up, that he would have been the man they both deserved, he couldn't be so sure of it. So, in the end, no matter how deep seeded the pain was, maybe it was all supposed to happen like that.

"Yeah? How many birthday parties do you think it'll take? 'Cause I'm pretty sure, she's going to grow up of themed parties and wanting us to put everything together." Alex was already on her way to her first big milestone. Soon enough, she'd be hitting double digits and after that, she'd want her parties to be cooler than what they could decorate and put together. A wounded smile crossed over his mouth, the joke all too lame for him not to find amusement in it. "That's about as terrible as it gets, so I think it'll work." In thirty more, he'd be halfway through his sixties, and Alex would be in her thirties. Suddenly, he didn't want to think about anything past that moment. "How is anyone supposed to know I'm tatted if they're all under a glittery pink suit? I'm all about being the center of attention sometimes, but I don't know, As. That seems like pushing it." Besides, everyone knew that glitter stuck with a person for life. One night of fun would turn into a lifetime of finding sparkles on everything he owned. "You pretty much shattered my ego when you called me old, so it's payback. No need to rush on the early check-in. I've got some shit to do before I settle into my new home."

Every step towards her office got heavier and heavier until he felt as if he could barely pick up his on feet. He wanted this; wanted to see the memories she'd captured that he hadn't been present for. Years of Alex's life that he'd missed, all accounted for on her computer. Rather than sit, he opted to stand behind her, hand curling around the back of her chair as he white-knuckle gripped it for support. Was he ready? He wasn't sure. A part of him was excited to see the smiles he'd missed and the happy moments his daughter had experienced, but another part of him felt the insecure ache in his chest growing tighter. "As I'll ever be," he hummed as he slipped his other hand into the front pocket of his jeans to prevent a nervous tapping against his thigh.

[northern-passage]

this morning before work i thought "why not play through tnp again?" because ive already read the lea and clem routes to death, i decided to start noel's and... i think i have a new favorite character. i love xem so much and he and my (nb) hunter will be boyfriends (gender neutral) !

idk why i was sleeping on noel, but the connection xey have with my hunter feels deeper somehow? than in the other routes ive done. i feel like my hunter and noel understand each other better than the other ros (which is not a dig at them! i still love them too). maybe it's because they're both hunters, or maybe the way i play my hunter is just more suited to noel's route, but nonetheless i love it and him and i had to let you know <3

thank you, i'm glad to hear you like Noel. especially glad to hear that you feel like xe has a connection to the hunter, that's definitely what i was going for with his route.

Noel's ch1 branch is still my least favorite out of all of them and i have to physically stop myself from going back and editing it for like the hundredth time.... i'm looking forward to ch2 for him because we'll get to learn a bit more about xem and i think it will help me balance things out and give xem the depth i think xir character is lacking so far.

it's hard with a wip and only having one chapter out with Noel only just being introduced - he's more soft-spoken and less sus (looking at Clem) than the other characters so i understand he doesn't feel as dynamic as they do in chapter 1. but in chapter 2 we'll get a nice reveal about xem (and i'm probably going to edit xir route in ch1 again tbh)

anyways thanks for sharing :-) i know i am my harshest critic but i still always get really excited when people talk about how much they like Noel 💗

[afreakingdork]

oh brilliant, a positive chapter! that was adorable. I adored the way he accepted it so quickly, though it does almost make me feel bad for calling him an idiot so many times. But in my defense, I was projecting. He really is just like me.

Anywho, segway, sappy love song recommendations im thrilled to be able to give now

Out like a light by the Honeysticks

j's lullaby (darlin id wait for you) by Delaney Bailey

I don't wanna be okay without you by Charlie burg (of course)

don't wanna fall in love by Jane Child as the most important for our clothing montage episode, there must be an 80s jam

Killed it today amiga

No spoilers but, I think you'll find we are going to be on an upward trend from here on out! I, personally, don't feel bad that he got so much smack talk because he was being obtuse. He's still being obtuse, but we'll get to that 👀 As for projecting, we are always our harshest critics!

I love how this definitely marks where I bet the playlist's mood is going to shift exponentially! Also HUGE shoutout for adding a changing montage song. That's totally genius.

Thank you so much!

[limmastyles]

One thing I want people to realize is I know that even though my policeman and don’t worry darling not doing well after the film festival kind of sucks, those are also getting nicer reviews. remember that the first wave of reviews for movies that premiere at film festivals are always the nicer reviews. Remember the fact that you have audience reviews but then you have people who have not seen the movie who didn’t attend the film festivals. There are still a whole lot of critics from different media sites and newspapers and blogs and magazines that still haven’t seen any of these movies. Those are the people who have the harshest opinions and the highest expectations. They are the ones who have degrees in film, journalism and etc. Those are the people that Directors and actors are the most fearful of. Don’t worry darling it’s not a movie that is going to get much praise by awards season. The only thing I could get them seeing a nomination for would probably be set design, costuming, Florences performance even though the movie with shits and the cinematography. And those are like one in 1 million chance. The thing that I have seen that has been a repetitive theme in both of the film said Harry has been in is the fact that he not only is it a very good actor but he is essentially out acted by his costars. Florence and Chris were the stars of don’t worry darling and Emma Corrin David Dawson were the stars of my policeman. This is the issue with hiring people who have no formal training and acting or any experience whatsoever. Harry was a glorified extra in Dunkirk and had a less than a minute seen in Eternals. Putting him against Chris pine, Florence Pugh, Emma Corin, And David Dawson put Harry in a huge disadvantage because they have all been in the industry for a lot longer than he is but they are also classically trained actors. This to me is somewhat of the wake up call to harass him that he doesn’t need to be a part of every sector of entertainment. I want people to remember that Harry didn’t get the rules that he’s audition for Elvis, Star Wars, Dune has gotten rules that he has an audition for an hour offered to him don’t worry darling, my policeman, eternal, the little mermaid. This is the issue with hiring people who can’t act. I think that both of these movies could have had a better rating or could have had a better performance if they cast it properly. I don’t know if Harry did a formal audition for either one of them but with the way that it has been spoken about I don’t think that he did, I don’t think he did a chemistry read with Florence Pugh because if he did they would have seen that they didn’t have good chemistry and they would’ve fired him, and I don’t think they did a screen task because if they did do a screen test they would’ve seen that Florence was acting circles around hairy. There has been speculation that hairy only got my policeman because having his name attached to the movie got a green lid and that puts him at a disadvantage because it’s not the fact that he was the most talented person that audition he just has a big name that people would pay attention to. Hollywood is All about being mediocre these days and hire an Harry for both of these rules proved that. Harry had no business being in either one of these movies and I think this is a good lesson to him and his team that maybe acting is it for him and they should have thought about that before they sign at five picture deal with marvel. Maybe Harry will be better doing something comedic and maybe dramas aren’t his thing but only time will tell but I definitely do think we won’t see Harry doing any other movies but marvel for a very long time

[meowzfordayz]

oh my goodness goddess i really debated wether or not to send you a req until the 11th hour, because i assumed you had so many to get through BUT how could i not participate in your 10.0 Milestone??!

if you have too many requests and they start to overwhelm you, toss mine overboard and save yourself🏊🏽‍♀️ it would literally be impossible for you to offend me💛

for your 10.0 Milestone Event:

could I get a familial matchup with Shinobu? sfw for obvious reasons🙈 i’m really in a Shinobu family mood since her relationship with her sisters is so important to her! i’m so weak for sisterly connections, i just think they’re so powerful🫶🏽

im a happy little taurus, the gremlin/mom friend combo, and just absolutely in love with beautiful things. anything that sparkles really revvs the old engine✨ intp through and through, i like to think things through fully before acting and really value the feedback of my family whenever they’re willing to give it to me :) they’re my most important people

you are also important people lol! we’re so lucky to have you on this scrungly app to share your creativity and kindness with us for no reason other than you’re just lovely and generous🫂🫧 thank you for you T and happy 10.0 milestone!!

(if i may ask, what does 10.0 stand for?)

MILESTONE 10.0

💞: Kocho Shinobu

assuming you've both left the nest aka moved out, she mails you monthly care packages. Thus far, you've received: a really shiny penny (I found it heads up, and figured I'd send a little luck your way <3); a Dunkin gift card (Regifting this to you. Feel free to use it or regift it yourself <3); movie tickets (I know you've been meaning to watch this. Wish I could be there with you <3); and sooo many letters. Some of the letters are brief: I miss you <3, I love you <3, and You suck, thanks for being the best <3. Some are much longer (usually when you've been too busy to call each other). You can even tell when she's written something over the course of multiple days — the pen changing colors, certain sentences more legible than others, topics abruptly ending and beginning.

is your biggest fan as well as your harshest critic (besides, yanno, yourself). She doesn't intend to be cruel, and believes ~tough love is a flimsy justification for lack of empathy. However, sometimes, "That was stupid," is all she can really say. In other words: she's definitely the type to laugh when you trip over your own two feet — while simultaneously reaching down to help you up.

has digital AND physical albums solely dedicated to ~awkward photos of you. Drool in your sleep? She's got a photo. Mid sneeze? She's got a photo. Pained expression after dropping something on your foot? She's got a photo. Cringe Halloween costume(s)? She's got photos. Not above using them to blackmail you (for playful/petty purposes), and dreads the day you finally shed any lingering embarrassment from your childhood/adolescence.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

@themischiefoftad

It's been a hell of road and there have definitely been both highs and lows on this rollercoaster, but this arrived today so I'm feeling pretty good about life right now.

Like when I left Tumblr, I was still pretty fresh out of my BA with an uncertain future and chaotic mental health, and here I am about to graduate with my Master's, with a job letter already in pocket, and am set to basically live my weird little cottage witch dreams, doing better than I have in years.

Like don't get me wrong, it takes a truly impressive number of interventions every day to keep me that way, but they're working, and I'm stable, and I'm increasingly self-reliant with wifey being able to step back a little bit more each day from basically 24/7 care at one point (speaking of which I should refill my med pack before I forget).

I get the kind of compliments from my peers and supervisors and professors I used to DREAM about getting (actual exchange after I led a role play included a peer saying "I wish Raz was my therapist" and the FUCKING PROFESSOR chiming in with "we all wish that" like?????? 😭😭😭😭)

I continue to be my own harshest critic, but I'm learning to be kind to myself and to love the things about me that others have taught me to despise.

The hardest thing has been adjusting to life with multiple autoimmune disorders and the potential for a significantly shortened life span. It's weird to spend your chikdhood thinking you'll never even make it to 18, finally start accepting the idea of a full life in your 20s, and then suddenly learn that you might never reach 60 before your 25th. I'm 30 now, and that may be half my life, or maybe I'll manage more, no one really seems to know at this point, but I've come to grips with the idea that time is what I make of it.

I've made peace with my moms, I've lost the family I thought I'd have, I've learned that my reproductive system is entirely healthy but can't seem to ovulate, so wifey and I will probably have both bio and adopted kids someday. I've owned a home and lost it, and plan to own a home again. I've lived in cities and suburbs and backwater towns with barely enough people to be worth plotting on a map. I've intend to live every bit of time I have left without shame, and with dedication to who I am as a person, even when it's hard, and I can see the ways that's made me better.

It's cliché, but it's me. And I'm okay with that. I know who I am, and I know how to be that now without letting other people hurt me and ruin the experience.

[mrsbsmooth]

Bothered?

Have me bothered?

Mate I look forward to these! I love them!

Everyone told me I could block anons, and it would block their main page, and then you could check your followers to see who it was. So I tried blocking you, anon, but unfortunately it has now blocked you properly, and I can't find you to unblock you 😭 I'm so sorry!!! You'll have to send your asks from a new account. Sorry for the inconvenience!

Re: Graph

I... what? I don't think I've made a graph... I charted the dick sizes on a scatter plot... are you talking about how old the islanders would be today?

That's a table, not a graph *pats head*.

And that was genuinely interesting to me.

I'd assumed I was far, far too old to be playing this game. But finding out that HRH Priya, Daddy Wilson, and Dr. Koh are all my age or older? *chefs kiss* That did a number for the old internal fountain of youth, so thank you for that!

And now we have a quick, go-to resource to see how old everyone would be for when we're writing in 2022. Yay!

Re: Checking through my fics to see if I write men's characters the same.

Yup!

To be fair, anon, (and this might surprise you)... I actually already thought this. I, like pretty much everyone who creates things, am my own harshest critic. Every negative thing you say about me, or about my writing, I can guarantee you I've already told it to myself when I delete a paragraph I've rewritten sixteen times in three days.

I only started writing fanfiction this year, and while I'm sitting on almost 500k words, and around 15,000 reads across all my fics, I'm well aware that I have many, many areas where I can improve. (Thank you everyone by the way for the 15k which is huge!)

I'm absolutely, one hundred percent open for business if you've got criticism, and pointing out that some of my male characters share too many traits was really great criticism! It's something I'm definitely mindful of.

I wish you'd waited, though, because I have a fic coming out soon in @litgwritersroom that I think is really, really different to my usual work. In particular, I saw someone mention that TTIS was really dialogue heavy, so this new fic has the main (Male) character only says two things the entire time. Two. It also has only borderline smut. Expanding my range, ya know 😉

But yeah, it's actually been really nice to pull some of the info from my fics and compare them against each other. Even writing two shy characters like Oliver and Ciaran really couldn't be more different from each other. Funny boys Bobby vs. Bruno? Top energy of Graham vs. Jake?

Every single time you give me one of these asks, it ends up making me feel better and better about my writing.

I'm not fragile or sensitive like I was when I was 22. I can sleep perfectly fine knowing that someone on the internet hates me.

One of the perks of being so very old, I guess.