#definitely getting a lot harder to add these final bits in im very tired of this game now after 4 years lol

[ellraiser]

new friends!

[vyladromeave]

SHADOWKNIGHT HEADCANONS MASTERPOST

This is how Shadowknights work in my brain. It just is. 

(Warning this is super long. like really long. its literally like 3k+ words im not kidding. i did include a couple pictures to help break up the text though. so. good luck.)

Becoming A Shadowknight 

There is only one requirement for a person to become a shadowknight: they have to die. Anyone who dies has the potential to become a shadowknight. Whether they actually become one or not depends entirely on whether they would be of use to the Shadow Lord or not. 

The Shadow Lord picks new knights from many factors, such as if they were an important person when they were alive, are already skilled in combat/magick, are generally vengeful, or have unfinished business making them more willing to follow the Shadow Lord’s will of destroying the Overworld and its inhabitants. (For this reason, ghosts have become less common in the Overworld, since many souls who would normally become ghosts when they die are recruited as new Shadow Knights instead.) 

Not everyone who dies is able to become a Shadowknight. The Shadow Lord, especially without a physical form, is not strong enough to reach out to all dead souls. Souls that are more vengeful/angry in death are easier for the Shadow Lord to locate, and so are souls of those that die in the Nether. There are also specific rituals that can make it easier for Shadow Lord to reach out to a specific soul, but these are uncommon since they take a lot of time and effort to do successfully. Only very valuable potential Shadowknights get this kind of treatment. (This is what happened to Laurance.) 

 • 

Shadowknights and Immortality 

All Shadowknights are immortal, as in immune to aging. They can’t die of natural causes, and because of this they can hypothetically live forever. Some Shadowknights choose to take this to the next level, becoming virtually unkillable. This next stage is referred to as becoming a “full Shadowknight,” and can only be achieved when a Shadowknight kills a specific target. 

This target will be different for each Shadowknight. The only requirements of this target are that it has to be someone the Shadowknight cared about during their life, and that the Shadow Lord is the one who picks the final target. (So if you were a guard of a village, even if you cared about someone else more, your target would probably still be the lord you were protecting, since the death of a lord would cause a lot more chaos.) 

A Shadowknight who has reached this next level of immortality is virtually unkillable. Their physical body can be destroyed, but they will reform in the Nether in a new, identical body if this ever happens. (Their new, reformed body will be identical to the first one that they reform as, not identical to however they currently look. So if they lost a hand as a Shadowknight, died, and reformed, they would reform with their hand back. If they lost a hand before becoming a Shadowknight, they would always reform without that hand.) 

This next level of immortality is the expectation for all Shadowknights to achieve, although not many of them do. Shadowknights who do not are often looked down upon, and may have to prove themselves more rigorously than other Full Shadowknights. Shadowknights who are not Full Shadowknights are often referred to as “Premature,” “New,” or “Lesser” Shadowknights. 

However, besides being unkillable, becoming a Full Shadowknight has no extra benefits. It is very possible for a “Lesser” Shadowknight to be much more skilled or powerful than a Full Shadowknight, since becoming a Full Shadowknight doesn’t actually increase your strength at all.

A Shadowknight who can reform can still be killed under very specific circumstances. If a Shadowknight’s soul is destroyed, the Shadowknight is killed permanently. This can ONLY be achieved through magical means, and even then can be difficult to achieve. 

 • 

Shadow Souls 

Even when a killable Shadowknight dies, they don’t truly leave. When you become a Shadowknight, your soul is permanently bound to the Nether. A Shadowknight whose body has died becomes doomed to roam the Nether as a Shadow Soul for all eternity. 

With no body or mind left, Shadow Souls lose themselves quickly. They lose little pieces of themself until there is nothing left but a mindless, vengeful soul. Even the strongest, most collected Shadowknight would lose themself as a Shadow Soul in a matter of days. They have no desires other than wanting to be alive and have a body again. 

They have the ability to possess Shadowknights, although usually only ones who are newer or weaker. Most Shadow Souls are imprisoned in the jails of the Shadow Lord’s fortress to keep them from harassing and possessing Shadowknights. 

(This possession is what happened to Alexis. A lot of weird, special circumstances had to be met for her to be possessed since she wasn’t (and still isn’t) a Shadow Knight.) 

Even without possession, Shadow Souls can feed off the power and emotion of Shadowknights nearby. The most effective way to deal with a Shadow Soul is to use as little magic or power as possible, since they will feed and grow stronger on the excess, and can prevent abilities from being used by feeding off the energy that would be used to activate it. The Shadow Souls that are imprisoned in the Nether’s jails stop imprisoned Shadowknights from being able to use any of their Shadowknight abilities that might help them escape.

 • 

Consuming a Soul

Although it is done very rarely, a Shadowknight can consume another Shadowknight’s soul. This is INCREDIBLY taboo, since it can permanently kill a Shadowknight who has the ability to reform. This fear of permanent death ensures that any knight who consumes other Shadowknight souls will be killed, or treated as an enemy/exile if they can escape with their life. 

Consuming a Shadowknight’s soul can give the Shadowknight a small, temporary boost in power, both magickally and physically. The more souls they consume, the more powerful they can become, and the longer this temporary boost will last. 

Most Shadowknights will fight back against being consumed. Shadow Souls are easier targets. Full Shadowknights are much harder to consume since they are much more sentient/mindful/powerful/motivated by the will to reform, and often flee instead of being consumed. Also, their body must be destroyed before their soul can be consumed, which adds an extra step to the already tiring process. 

• 

Loss of Sentience 

Some Shadowknights become nothing more than a puppet for the Shadow Lord, a creature with no thoughts or will of their own. This usually occurs immediately upon being reborn as a Shadowknight due to the trauma of the event, but can also occur over time in Shadowknights who have lost a sense of self or sense of purpose. 

Some think that this happens because the soul of the Shadowknight tries to die or move on, but is unable to do so because of how it is bound to the Nether/the Shadowknight’s body. As a result, the knight is left with nothing but a mindless husk of their former self. Ultimately, there is no definite answer as to why this happens, although this is the most popular theory among Shadowknights. 

Shadowknights who have lost their sentience can never regain it, presumably because parts of them have already passed on and do not wish to/are not able to return. A Shadowknight without their sentience has eyes that are permanently cloudy-looking and less reflective (like how eyes cloud over on death). 

 • 

A Reformed Body 

When a person dies and becomes a Shadowknight, the new body they reform into is not the actual body they died in. The grave of a person who became a Shadowknight would still have a body in it. The body they reform into is a near perfect replica of the one that died, but it doesn’t “feel” the same. 

The only exception to this rule is if the Shadowknight died as a child, and their body wasn’t already fully grown. All Shadowknights have fully-grown bodies, regardless of what age they died as. This is simply because a fully-grown body is stronger and more fit to serve as a knight. This can be very disturbing to Shadowknights who died younger, since they have to adapt to a body that they can only vaguely identify as their own. (This is what happened to Vylad.)

 • 

A Sturdier Body 

The body of a Shadowknight is different from the body of a human. All Shadowknights are naturally stronger, fastier, hardier, and heal quicker than the average human. They are literally made for the sole intention of being mass-killing soldiers, so it only makes sense that their new bodies reflect that. 

When they heal, no scars are left behind. The only scars a Shadowknight will have are ones they obtained previously, before or on death. The only exceptions to this rule are if they lose a limb/eye/etc. If the Shadowknight is able to reform when they die, then their lost limb/eye/etc. will be back when they reform. 

Any scars associated with the Shadowknight’s death might be a bit more prominent than a normal scar. They usually look bright red and angry, almost closer to an open wound. 

All Shadowknights are completely immune to fire and heat. They can still feel fire and heat, but it doesn’t harm them. It can be a bit overwhelming to get used to at first, but most Shadowknights have to learn to grow used to it, since the Nether is like, 60% fire and lava. (Shadowknights actually take baths in lava in the Nether to stay clean, since there is no water.) (Also, technically they aren’t immune to fire on the INSIDE. If they like, ate fire, it would hurt pretty bad. Probably not as bad as it would hurt a normal human, but it would still hurt.) 

Shadowknights don’t require the same things as humans do to live. A Shadowknight can survive without food, water, or sleep, and can go without these things longer before feeling any negative effects. However, a lack of these things can definitely make them weaker, and more miserable. Seeing as water cannot exist in the Nether, and nothing else naturally lives there, the lack of food and water is pretty agonizing for any Shadowknights stuck there. 

Shadowknights aren’t completely exempt from natural human needs. They still need to breathe air, and they still need to keep their blood inside of them. 

 • 

Natural Abilities 

When a person becomes a Shadowknight, they gain new abilities. All Shadowknights have the ability to summon Shadow Armor. This armor is an integral part of a Shadowknight, and the form it takes is unique (but similar) for each knight. It’s a bit like porcupine spikes or pufferfish in that many Shadowknights will summon it instinctively when they believe they are in danger. It also summons instinctively while in the Nether. It’s fairly sturdy, but is better at protecting against physical attacks than magickal ones. Destroying the armor won’t hurt a knight, but it can tire them. Armor that is destroyed/damaged can be resummoned, but it takes a bit of time to fix. 

All Shadowknights also have the ability to summon a Shadow Weapon. Shadowknights can only form weapons that they are familiar with. They can only form tools that would be used in combat, and can only summon one at a time. (You can’t have your bow and arrows AND a sword AND a shield all summoned at once. Shadow WEAPON. Singular. No plural. Pick One.) They can also change the form of the weapon in between summonings, and in combat. Quickly switching between weapons can take some practice to perfect/get used to. Similarly to the armor, destroying the weapon won’t hurt a knight. It also won’t tire them, since a Shadow Weapon isn’t as much of a “part” of a knight as the armor is. A destroyed/damaged Shadow Weapon can be resummoned, but it takes a bit of time to fix. 

All Shadowknights have the ability to sense other Shadowknights by their aura, tell if the Shadowknight is fully immortal or not, and suppress their own Shadowknight aura from being detected/identified. This ability has to be practiced in order to become effective. A knight who neglects this ability may only be able to sense large groups, or only sense a knight that is extremely close by. They also might not be able to suppress their own aura at all. A knight who practices this ability can sense another knight from, at a maximum, 350-ish feet away. They could potentially identify a specific Shadowknight from their aura (and this becomes easier if they have spent a lot of time around this Shadowknight before.) They could also potentially suppress their own aura for hours at a time, with only a little effort. These are extremes, and most Shadowknights don’t perfect these abilities to this extent. 

 • 

Additional Abilities

Some Shadowknights gain new abilities in addition to the ones all Shadowknights gain by default. Oddly enough, Shadowknights who already have a preexisting magickal/witchcraft affinity are less likely to receive one of these abilities. Most gain only one from the following list, but very rarely can gain two. From most to least common, the list is as follows: 

•Dimming lights - They can blend in easier into shadows by dimming the light around them. They can also dim or put out lights, or make any light less bright for a short amount of time. (This obviously doesn’t work on stuff like The Sun, but I do think that if you got really good at using this ability, you could maybe make the moon appear dark or the stars disappear for a bit. They wouldn’t ACTUALLY stop shining, it would just appear that they did, if that makes sense?) (Sasha is a notable Shadowknight with this ability.) 

•Teleportation - They can only teleport to places they know exist, and they can’t teleport between dimensions. The further the location, and the more people they are teleporting, the more energy, effort, and concentration it takes. Most Shadowknights who can teleport aren’t able to do so while in the middle of combat because it takes too much concentration to do so. Hard to teleport while you are also trying not to get stabbed. Who would guess. (Vylad is a notable Shadowknight with this ability.) 

•Shapeshifting - They can change their own appearance into another. If you get really good at using this ability, you could look like someone else entirely. However, normally this ability is just useful for changing clothes/hair color/disguises. Maintaining a shapeshift also takes focus/concentration, and normally can’t be maintained for very long periods of time depending on the complexity of the shapeshift. If you just changed your clothes, you could maintain it for a couple hours. If you look like another person entirely, probably 1-2 hours max. A shapeshift is also hard to maintain in battle for the same reason as teleportation. (Zenix is a notable Shadowknight with this ability.) 

•Shadow Manipulation - They can create solid forms out of shadow, and manipulate these forms as they see fit. This is probably the most difficult ability to use, and also the most difficult to master. The larger/more complex this manipulation is, the harder it is to maintain. This ability is different from the Shadow Weapon in that it can’t really be sharp, and can’t form extremely defined/specific shapes. Shadow manipulation lends itself much better to blobs. (Gene is a notable Shadowknight with this ability.) 

 • 

Overwhelming Emotions

Shadowknight’s abilities strengthen when powered by emotion. For any Shadowknights who don’t care about the danger and destruction they cause, this is only a plus. For the rest, it is a curse. The link between emotion and power can be extremely overwhelming, making it much easier to get worked up and much harder to calm down. Death and destruction is a part of a Shadowknight’s nature, making these fits dangerous for anyone who dares to get in the Shadowknight’s way.

Because of this, there are two paths that a Shadowknight must choose between. Either they make the effort to suppress your emotions, cut off friendships, family, and other bonds. Or, they let their emotions control them entirely, weaponizing their existence and becoming a tool of pure chaos. Neither choice is very appealing. 

 • 

Seeing Red 

One of the most iconic and identifiable features of a Shadowknight is the eyes. Whenever using any of their abilities, wearing summoned Shadow Armor, or even feeling an emotion that is too strong, a Shadowknight’s eyes will glow red. Depending on the strength of their emotion or intensity of their action, this red can spread from their eyes to the skin around it. 

 • 

The Nether 

The Nether is the home of all Shadowknights, although not by choice. The Nether was never meant to be inhabited by anyone, which is clear from the lack of food, water, and habitable land present there. However, since the Shadow Lord is trapped in the Nether and not strong enough to leave, the Shadowknights he creates are bound to the Nether in strange ways. Shadowknights feel a natural draw to return to the Nether whenever they are away, and in extreme cases can even feel ill if they are gone for long periods of time. This urge is called The Calling. With time and practice, this urge can be suppressed, though it never completely fades. 

On the other hand, Shadowknights are somewhat stronger in the Nether, both magickally and physically. Fighting a Shadowknight on home turf is generally a bad idea, and it’s best to fight them in the Overworld instead. 

 • 

Lost and Altered Memories 

Although it isn’t inherently a part of becoming a Shadowknight, many knights find themselves without their memories from when they were alive, or unknowingly have had parts of their memories changed. This has become much more common among more recent Shadowknights. (Vylad and Zenix are some of the last notable Shadowknights to not have their memories altered.) This is largely because of Gene, the Shadow Lord’s most trusted knight. His magicks let him manipulate the memories of others, and the Shadow Lord encourages him to use his abilities to create a more willing army. Many knights who might’ve originally questioned the Shadow Lord and his goals have their memories altered so that they are more willing to follow the Shadow Lord, and kill in his name. (Sasha is a notable Shadowknight who this applies to.)

•

Thank you for reading!

Feel free to use any of these ideas in your own MCD fan-content, and if you have anything you would like to ask about/clarify, feel free to send me an ask or message!

[dreamrlu]

so i just finished danganronpa: trigger happy havoc. heres me rambling about it.

none of you need to read this.  i am just self-indulgent, so ill just post my thoughts to clear my head.

first of all, i need to clear something out of the way.  the sountrack.  is.  AWESOME!!! love it.  its both groovy and banging and relaxing.  so kudos to the composer.

now, second of all, the story was seriously mind-blowing.  like, im talking when you include the lore and plot twists.  seriously mind blowing.  like when i found out everyone is 2 years older than they think and they all knew each other before because they used to frequent the school, but CHOSE to lock themselves up in this place because the WORLD was ENDING outside due to some strange despair organization but they got their memories removed and then forced to kill each other???  the fact that the mastermind was junko, who hid her identity by making her twin go in her stead and then faking her death by killing her off?  fucking mind blowing.  was totally not expecting that.  whoever wrote the story of danganronpa is a fucking madlad, cause thats one fucked up plot twist (i love it).

actually, speaking of the story, i also loved the ending.  it was 100%, got serotonin rushing through my brain.  the callback to the menu theme at the resolution, the message that what hope means is searching for hope and that through despair, theres always hope (or something).  the non-stop argument where you shoot hope through your friend’s despairing silence, which makes you the Ultimate Hope.  the reference to all previous executions with junko’s execution.  loved it.  

although, im not quite sure about the bad ending.  that was just...real messed up.  wont speak more of it, cause i have nothing else to say about it.

character design wise, it also looked quite good.  each character had their own quirks and it was easy to recognize each of them.  i didnt have the time to interact with all of them but for the ones that i did (kyoko, byakuya, celeste, chihiro, toko) they all seemed pretty 3-dimensional, and god knows i love when characters actually look like real people and not talking cardboard cutouts (looking at you fire emblem).  and talking about cardboard cutouts, the way that the characters all just stand menacingly when youre walking around is...well, i gave myself a jumpscare about twice because of that.  lol

now heres where it’ll get a little tricky.  visually, the game looked...well.....tiring.  im not sure i liked the over-saturated backgrounds.  ill admit its a style one can get into, but it wasnt mine.  plus, add this to how busy the screen constantly is during class trials and i can confirm to you i ended the first trial with a headache.  like seriously...sprites vibrating? why..?  i guess i wasnt into that, especially for the fact that the sprite is their neutral one, and not...like...the surprised/angry one.  anyway.  but otherwise, when it came to the visuals for each minigames, i liked it.  it was unique and easy to understand and nothing really seemed to get in the way, though im not quite sure i liked the bullet time battles...

speaking of the minigames.  there were...quite a lot.  you easily get used to it at least, but at first its quite a lot to get thrown at.  like, okay you shoot words.  now shoot letters to form a word.  now shoot more words, but harder this time.  now heres a rhythm game.  now shoot even more words, but even harder!  now make a comic.  its a lot for a first trial.  like i said before, i ended the first trial with a headache, even though i already knew the culprit and the solution.  that is to say though, i wont deny that when youre used to it, it makes the game much more fun and interactive.

and finally, the bonus school mode.  i havent played much of it, but its seriously a breather from all the messed up stuff you witnessed in the canon game.  its much more relaxing, and the fact that its shaped a bit like a dating sim is..well..hilarious.  though i heard in the end you recieve the character’s...underwar.  why.  who the fuck thought about that??? im both disgusted and confused.

and....i think thats about what i wanted to say.

in conclusion, this is a stylish mystery-solving game that did deserve its praise at the time (which was...i think...2014..?).  its basically, well, murder mystery, with a twist.  and since im a sucker for ‘’[...] with a twist’’, well i guess i had no choice but to like that game.  there are of course some stuff that i didnt appreciate in it, but its probably more my personal opinion more than anything.  most little corners of the game have been reviewed to make sense eventually or reference something, which is very nice.  so yeah, danganronpa is definitely a series i can get into.

in the end, i think i’ll give this game a 9/10.  and i’ll definitely play v2 and v3.

[catlya]

Waging My Wars

Requested by @werewitchling

TimXReader

The reader is training to become a hero Dick and the reader go out on a sort of trial run, one night When suddenly a past fear rises in the reader that no one was aware of, Causing immense panic.

I hope you enjoy this and I'm sorry for the very long wait!

********

”Are you ready yet Y/N?” Dick sad exasperated all the while banging his head against the bathroom door. You yelled back telling him to be patient. Causing him to huff and leaning his weight on his head against the door.

You swung the door open suddenly causing him to fall. You junked out of the way quickly but there was no need. Dick easily shifted his weight and did a front flip to catch himself.

You rolled your eyes ”Show off.” then you walked out leaving Dick to follow you. As you reached to middle of the Bat Cave close to Dick and your bike you saw two familiar people leaning against two other bikes near by.

”Tim!” you yelled running towards him, ”I thought you had plans tonight?” you said as you ran throwing yourself into his arms when you got close. He laughed and wrapped his arms around you.

”I wouldn't miss my favorite girls first night patrol. I'm only here to see you off though, I promise. I know how much you want to do this alone it's bad enough Dick is insisting to go.” you laughed at his words and nodded but a defensive Dick spoke up.

”I need to make sure she's ready for this Tim. She needs to be closely monitored at first for protection.” you turned and glared at him as much as you could while being squished in Tims arms.

Tim shook his head then told Dick to ’shove it’ but not those words exactly.

”Anyway Y/N, I hope you enjoy your time out. You can do it I know you can.”

You smiled a but teary at Tims words and nodded ”Thank you, Tim.” you lifted your head and kissed him slowly.

You heard a cough to your left and you broke apart. ”Hi nice to see you too YN, I'm good, haven't died in a while at least.” you laughed at Jason's rant. He was only messing around something he did quite often.

You pecked Tim again and the turned to Dick and walked past him heading for your bike. Tim waved and yelled to you both ”Be safe!” you waved back and pulled your helmet on and started your bike. You revved it and then raced forward towards the cave exit.

Dick followed close behind. He tried to pass you a few times but you only laughed and pushed the bike further. You had Tim work on yours and modify it there was no way Dick could pass it.

Once outside the cave you swereved left and headed to Gotham’s Port the agreed place to start that night of patrol. Eventually you lost sight of Dick and you couldn’t help but imagine his frustration.

As you raced through town you watched the people walking about around you. Some were out for a night on the town while others were grocery shopping.

It was always fun to see that not all of Gotham was corrupt. At least not always.

You countinued on stopping your people watching. Finally you reached the port. You tucked your bike away in a shopping container. Then sat down waiting for Dicks slow a** to arrive.

A few minutes later you heard the roar of his bike as he turned the corner. The made a quick stop jumping off. He glared at you to which you responded with a laugh.

“Are you mad I left you in the dust?” You said with fake sympathy. “Poor Dicky Poo!” You busted out laughing at his annoyance. He shook his head then placed his bike beside yours.

“Not funny Y/N what if you’d gotten lost? Or in an accident? Do you want me murdered by Bruce or worse Tim?” You sobered up at his words and sighed.

“You take the fun out of everything.” You mumbled. “I’ll have you know many lady’s say I bring the fun all-“ you waved your hands interrupting his speech.

“Dick! I don’t need to hear that about my brother!” You groaned not being able to shake the image out of your head. Dick went quiet as you grossed out for a second.

When you noticed his silence you looked up to see him smiling at you widely obviously overjoyed. Then you remembered what you had said. It was the first time you’d called him your brother.

You smiled back at him then turned around towards the incoming board of the ports. “Alright so where should we start? Im thinking maybe on the-“ suddenly you were lifted up and you struggled for a moment before looking down and realizing Dick was hugging you.

You rolled your eyes then patted his head. “Yeah, yeah I get it you lug head.”

You set you down still holding you close and you giggled slightly at his overjoyed behavior. “As I was saying I think we should start from section 3 making our way up to one.” He nodded and quickly you were off I work.

Well after you convinced him to stop hugging you....

*****

After an hour you’d finished the port and began to work your way back into the city. You were on the ground scouting out around a local hardware store with a small bank next to it.

“Anything?” You heard over the com

“No, I think it’s clear.” Dick jumped down off the roof where he’d stationed himself.

“Alright then right here’s where we’re going to hold your first hands on session.” He put his hands behind him and the pulled around a grappling gun. Immediately you looked at it with distaste.

“I know you’ve had a bad experience with one before but it’s definitely a necessary tool. So you have to get over it.” He said firmly in a no nonsense tone.

What he was wanting was easier said then done. You remembered your trauma quite clearly. You’d only been 8 when your idiocy scared you forever.

Just to add to the embarrassment it was even the first time you met Tim. You had just moved in with Bruce not too long before and you’d already found out about his nightly activities.

Mostly because even back then you were extremely nosy and had a knack for figuring things out. Plus you stalked him, that helped.

You’d watched him disappear behind the grandfather clock one night and decided to follow him. You sat on the stairs down to the cave until he’d left in the BatMobile.

“Whoah!” You said joyously at the large cave that for some reason looked like a play place to you.

You ran around giggling until you found an area set up specifically for all of Batman’s gadgets. Your eyes zoned in on one in particular that looked like a toy gun. You’d had one before and remembered how fun it was to play cops and robbers.

So, of course, you wanted it.

Only problem was it was against the wall and you were incredibly small for your age so the large table holding other gadgets was in your way.

You huffed then looked around for something to stand on. You saw two spare tires and quickly moved towards them to grab them. However they were too heavy so you had to find something else.

You glanced around and finally you saw a slidey chair in front of a big computer. You giggled then ran and grabbed it. You punched it to the table and climbed onto it carefully.

Finally you’d gained access to your new treasure as you pulled it off the wall. You jumped down off the chair then started running around making “pew, pew.” Noises with your mouth.

Getting bored of that after a bit you started to look at the gun and smiled widely when you remembered the trigger. You looked around for something to be the bad guy in your game.

You suddenly saw a giant dinasour and wondered how you hadn’t seen it before.

Oh well it was the bad guy now.

You aimed your new gun at it and then...you fired.

The gun shot out a string something you definitely didn’t expect. You jumped causing the string to shoot higher it then wrapped around a metal beam holding the ceiling. You groaned then began piling on it but it wasn’t comeing back.

Then you did the dumbest thing you’d ever thought of. You jumped up grabbing hold of the rope pulling your feet off the ground applying all your weight to the rope.

Then suddenly it began to pull you up. At first it was slow then it slung you up making you scream as it moved so fast. I’m a split second you were against the bean dangling from the rope.

You looked down at the suddenly very far away floor then up at the, what looked like, very small fragile rope. Even if now you know it’s actually a very strong material at the time it looked very unreliable.

You looked back down at the floor and tears began streaming down your face. Then you screamed Bloody Murder. It echoed around the cave amplifying the fear in your voice.

You did that for a while when suddenly you heard the clank of the grandfather clock opening. In ran a bewildered Alfred. “Miss Y/N!” Close behind him ran in a boy about your age.

“Whoah how’d you do that, stupid.”

His words only managed to make you cry harder. He rolled his eyes then walked away leaving a frantic Alfred running under you. Then you fell, the rope began to descend dropping you very quickly from the ceiling.

Luckily the frantic Alfred managed to catch you. From that night on you were terrified of not only heights but grappling hooks as well. You’d also began to make fun of Tim quite a lot just as he had if you that night.

However that’s a story for another time.

“Hey!” You blinked and shook our head to see a very angry/worried Dick.

“Are you done spaceing off? It’s time to get to work.” You nodded and he sighed then walked behind you placeing the gun in your hand.

“Aim it at the top of that community building.” I did then you shot it and it hooked successfully the first time.

Of course.

He then walked back around you a proud smile on his face. “Good job now all ou have to pull the rope and it’ll lift you up. As you know already I’m sure.” You glared at his teasing then took a huge breath and pulled.

It launched you up as it had the last time. Only as it almost was completely back in the gun you swung yourself up onto the building and pulled the gun with you.

You executed it perfectly and you were so happy. You looked down and your happy expression dropped from your face....it was so far away.

You tried to calm down, tried to focus on something, anything else. It didn’t work though and you felt your chest constricting and you fall down. You pull yourself into a fetal position trying to focus but you weren’t able to at all.

Unknown to you Dick had also grappled his way to the top beside you. Once he noticed your position he panicked and kneeled down beside you. “Y/N? Y/N!” He screamed trying to check you over. You didn’t appear hurt in anyway.

He tried to pick you up but you began to scream so he quickly let you go. He sat down on the ground beside your curled up and sobbing body. He stroked your hair and then pulled out his phone.

“Dick, what’s wrong?” Answered Tim.

“Tim it’s Y/N!”

“I’m tracking you now.” With that he hung up and Dick was left alone yet again with your broken form.

He pulled you as close as he could then put his head on yours whispering to you that Tim was on his way.

****

“Y/N?” You heard.

You peeked out and saw Tim with a sympathetic smile. You leaped out of your position into his arms burying your head in his neck.

”Tim...” you whispered trying your best to hold it together.

”Shut up, stupid.” you smiled slightly at the name.

He did nothing but hold you for a while. One thing was for sure you were so happy to have someone help you. To have someone there for you.

Once you'd calmed down you lifted your head and began apologizing.

”I'm sorry for interrupting your work.” you sniffled a bit trying to wipe your tears.

Tim grabbed your hands and pulled them to his lips. ”Y/N it wasn't important, darling. Don't feel bad.” you nodded and pulled him close. He laid his head on your chest and closed his eyes.

”I love you.” he whispered, you smiled and looked down at him ”I love you too.”

You heard a cough behind you and turned. There stood Dick a small smile on his face.

“I’m glad you feel better Y/N. Time to get back to work!”

You groaned and Tim laughed

“Save me.” You whispered to him

He laughed and put his head against yours.

“You have to do something for me first.” He whispered back you smiled then asked what and he replied.

“Admit that your just slightly stupid.” You glared at him you didn’t expect that but really you should have.

Dick bust out laughing with Tim and you stared at him as he did so. No matter what you new Tim would be there if you needed him to help wage your wars. Just as you would be there for his.

And that alone made you feel damn good.

[worlduniversityrp-blog]

Accepted Denmark App

Accepted! Please have a blog up within the next week, and send the URL to this blog so we can add you to the members page @brunchhater 

OOC

NAME: Eliza PRONOUNS: she/her CONTACT URL: brunchhater.tumblr.com

CHARACTER WANTED: Denmark! ACTIVITY LEVEL: A solid 5!!! TIMEZONE: South Eastern U.S time PASSWORD: accepted MEMBERS PAGE ICON:

((this is formatted poorly I’m sorry, I can resend the icn full sized if you want though!!! If its easier too, also link!: http://paperdrawsshit.tumblr.com/))

EXTRA: Yes! I’m in school and I work so I might be slow or won’t do replies till either late at night or early in the morning depending on the day!

IC

FULL NAME: Magnus Frederick Densen AGE / YEAR: AGE AND YEAR: 21, 3rd year/Junior GENDER / PRONOUNS: He/Him pronouns

APPEARANCE: AT LEAST 1 PARAGRAPH: Magnus is a strikingly tall 6’3 man with wild, thick blonde hair and blue eyes. He’s got the build of a hockey player since that was the sport he stuck with since middle school and is quite muscular but doesn’t know his own strength. Magnus is covered in freckles on his cheeks, shoulders, and thighs but has only the occasional mole on his arm. He has a scar over his collarbone that’s a brighter pink color and a lighter scar across the bridge of his nose. Along with that he has a very charming smile which includes dimples.

PERSONALITY: AT LEAST 1 PARAGRAPH: The best way to describe him is an overexcited puppy who fumbles over things. Magnus has a heart of gold and is a really good person, he’s easily excitable and even easier to please and distract. He’s very gentle and caring but has no vocal control and unfortunately is already a naturally loud person. He’s the friend that’ll let you cry on his shoulder but won’t let you leave without him giving his two cents and making sure you accept it. Gives good advice for many things but has issues taking his own advice. When he actually does get angry it comes in the form of terrifying silence and a very disappointed look on his face. It’s quiet and it hardly happens, it’s the same when he’s sad. He doesn’t like showing his negative emotions because it’s a personal belief of his that just because he feels bad doesn’t mean other people should. However this can be irritating to even him because he just won’t ask for help when he’s suffering.

SKILLS:

Hockey! He’s been playing hockey since he was 11, very strong because of this so his strength is strength but hockey strength. 

This is a talent, he’s really good with graphic design and art in general. Especially with color theory and making things look aesthetically pleasing even though he looks a whole mess. Its ironic

Resilient, if there’s a will there’s a way and Magnus knows how to find a way to do anything especially when asked. He won’t stop until he accomplishes or gets something. 

Team-Player, good with people, a huge people person, very good with team building exercises and group projects. Definitely is the glue in friendships sometimes. However he’s also a natural leader most (some) of the time.

FLAWS:

Puts others before himself, He’ll ignore his own problems just to help other people and has the worst habit of doing this to a point where it actually hurts his mental stability, grades, etc. Doesn’t see it when people point it out to him.

Has a slight ego, he takes a lot of pride in stuff he does well and any compliment he gets makes him feel invincible. Which goes to his head and gets him hurt (sometimes, or he gets a bit cocky) 

He has Celiac disease, parties are awful for him especially with beer. Sometimes he forgets he has celiac and its pain for him and sometimes those around him. Occasionally gags when he smells bread from the bad memories and pain.

Overworks himself most of the time and is tired close to 24/7, operates on caffeine and love for everything.

BACKSTORY: 

Magnus was raised as an only child to a single mother. He lived with his grandmother and her and was taught a lot of fundamentals. His grandmother used to tell him that if he felt bad he should turn that bad energy into something good. He picked up baking from her and developed the habit of being a do gooder from a young age. Upon entering elementary school he started to realize things about his family such as their financial stability and that it was not like his classmates. His mother paid for him to go to private school since he entered school and the difference between him and his classmates settled into stone with him at a very young age.

Throughout his school years Magnus was always very bright, he picked up on new things really quickly and wanted to learn as much as he could to show his mom that he was grateful for the education she essentially bought for him. He was offered to skip a year in elementary and took it nearly instantly. This put him against older kids who unfortunately looked down at him and doubted his abilities. He pulled through and tried to be nice despite their odd resentment of him (which was something he didn’t pick up on) he did make friends but never any truly close ones until he got into middle school.

In middle school he switched over to a different private school that focused more on getting into a prepatory high school. He became interested in the hockey team because he hadn’t heard of the sport before. Upon signing up for try-outs he made a good friend at the same time who was also signing up. Of course he ended up making it onto the team and that granted him the gift of friendship when he needed it most. Middle school is basically horrible to everyone and Magnus was no exception as he grew like a weed and it became obvious to his classmates that he wasn’t like them on the economical class level.

Teasing came to him in the form of mocking his income, something he didn’t quite get because out of all things, they chose that? It was absurd to him for a while until he finally got that they were mad because he was lumped into their ‘rich’ group of kids per se. He decided to prove them wrong entirely though. Every time a tease came his way he’d just laugh it off and talk about how lucky he was to be getting a good education, and oh yeah isn’t he the only one with an A in Entering Physics? He thought so. It easily blew over him on the outside but inside he knew his mom was struggling. So he worked even harder, especially with hockey to get a scholarship.

During his 8th grade year he was scouted by a private high school interested in giving him a hockey scholarship which was astounding to him because he’d only thought that applied to colleges and university but he accepted immediately. He switched schools, teams, and classes all together and was proud to come home to his mother and tell her about it. When he saw the way she smiled it made him truly happy with himself. He’d done something right, his hard work paid off and he was on his way to success.

High school was a lot easier, everyone seemed to love him except for his Algebra 1 teacher who hated that he was so fond of correcting her work. Magnus started knowing when he was right and wasn’t afraid to speak out about it either. It went to his ego though, even his peers loathed his brightness so he decided to play dumb- to be more well liked while keeping his grades up as much as possible. Instead he decided to make jokes in class, ones that even got teacher's’ sides in stitches. He took pride in that too, how he was able to make people happy. However highschool was also when his celiac gave him a run for the worst and he was constantly sick during his sophomore year and tried to push through it.

He tried to do a hockey game during its worst boughts and instead of having his head in the game he was focused on the lights around him. Overwhelmed he actually managed to get hit dead in the nose with the hockey puck and it left a nice scar from where it split his skin over the bridge of his nose.( He does change the story every time he tells it.) His coach sat him down and asked if he was okay and Magnus told him how sick he’d been feeling the past month and it miraculously ended in a doctor’s referral, one emergency room visit, and medication to treat the previous damage. It could’ve been worse but he was glad that he got better before junior year.

Junior year was eventful because not only did Magnus do hockey and decided to take all AP classes, he also got a job to help his mothers and grandmother with bills. He juggled all three things with only one spare piece of thread and nearly went insane during that year from stress. If it weren’t for hockey being a way to get his emotions out he’s positive he would’ve been a lot angrier towards others than he was. Something he felt guilty over always was his anger even though it never showed in typical signs of yelling,he’d always apologize to people for being mean but they never got it and he felt too guilty about his feelings to explain them really. Something he still does to date but he’s better at managing it.

During this year he picked one of his majors, marketing after he designed a poster for the school play. He was always good with colors and drawing but never really pursued it, taking favor in as many academic courses as he physically could. What got im interested in it even more was during a career fair where he heard a used cars salesman and realized that that was something he could TOTALLY do. Plus he could work for all sorts of people or run his own marketing business entirely if he wanted. He also wanted to do broadcasting, he was always told he had a “tv worthy” personality so when it came to applying for college he decided to major in both.

Lucky for him his transcript provided his first college with all of his credits and the massive amount of classes he took and his consistently exceptional grades. At first he got into a prestigious school and did that for two years before he decided that he didn’t like it. Even though he was in on academic scholarship he wanted a break from the people he’d been surrounded with all of his life. Tired of- stereotypical rich people.

So he decided to apply for World University, it was a chance to leave where he grew up and start over entirely knew. With his perfected ‘English’ accent and grammar into place he put great effort into applying and making sure his credits were in order to transfer. Upon being accepted he was so entirely happy that he did indeed cry because what was even better was that he actually had more resources in America, especially Manhattan for his broadcasting America.

Magnus couldn’t wait to see what the school could give to him and what he could give back.

HEADCANONS: 

Real life FC is Lucky Blue Smith

Has a birthmark in the shape of Denmark right above his butt

Terrified of small dogs (he’s a big clumsy man and doesn’t want to hurt them)

Casually watches Project Runway when he’s studying

Speaks 4 languages (including Danish, English, Spanish, and (some) old norse.)

MAJOR(S): Double major in Marketing and Broadcasting

MINORS: N/A (he doesn’t take a minor he’s too busy!!

COURSES: SOME SPECIFIC COURSES THEY TAKE FOR THEIR MAJOR/MINORS. (OPTIONAL):Product Management.,Retail and Sales Management, Logistical Strategies,Media Planning, and Editing.

SHIPS:

OTP(S): PAIRINGS YOU LIKE/ARE WILLING TO DO: Anything for the most part? I am typical and like Den/Nor and Den/Ame but I’m not exactly picky choosy with it either. The more obscure the ship the more fun, y’know?

NOTP(S): Basically adult/minor ships but I don’t know if that’ll be an issue in this ring or not (correct me if I’m wrong!)

WRITING SAMPLE: 

Magnus didn’t realize he’d overslept for his midterm until it was too late. His alarm had never gone off and when he looked at his clock and realized that it was 10:30 he felt something inside him snap and die- part of his soul leave him. He sucked in a breath and launched himself out of bed, putting on some clothes and shoes and hunting down his book bag. He couldn’t BELIEVE he was late for his midterm, god he was gonna fail- his professor was going to fail him and he was going to die on the streets cold and alone with nothing but his impression of a used car salesman and that bad magazine spread. He tried swallowing down his fear as he brushed his teeth and made a mad dash out of his dorm and out of the housing building entirely. Magnus tried to dodge people on the way, swerving, keeping a good spring up most of the time. He cursed the journalism building for being a 30 minute walk across campus for him. His ribs were aching and he felt like he couldn’t breathe just as he literally crashed into someone. “SHIT- I mean! Crap, I’m sorry- are you okay- I was running I didn’t see you and you’re so small and-” His words came out between pants as he extended his arm towards the person he ran into. “Are you alright?” He asked, voice softer than it was before.

[seokjins]

this post will be focused on the differences between rehearsals and performance, but also looking at small details about learning patterns and choreo that couldn’t be seen through the home party vlive

note: i will be consistently referring to my previous 3J stage post during this analysis, so please keep that open or give it a read before going thru this

overall: i was shocked to see that bighit had included STUDIO CLIPS of their rehearsal because

the combos aren’t cleaned yet

they’re still learning said combos

i got to see how 3j work off-stage

rehearsals tell me a lot

if you remember from my earlier analysis post, i wasn’t very impressed w jungkook’s dancing. giving the audience more chances to see him helps me paint a fuller image of his abilities. i can say confidently that w/o his awful costume (it hid all his movements), he is putting energy/nuances into his steps. having multiple rehearsal clips also tells me that jk just had a bad run during the broadcasted performance~

i was also happy to see hoseok’s facials !! finally!!!!! now i’m able to pick apart some smaller rehearsal –> performance differences

studio ver

hoseok

0:50 - 1:21 - hoseok’s eyes are glued to the mirror even when he’s moving his neck/chin/torso. this is bc he’s watching himself n self-correcting. you can compare this to the way he moves his head and eyes across the audience during the performance instead. every cool to pick up on ~~

0:26 - hobi’s arms?his legs ?the fluidity of his torso’s movement (folding, twisting, bending) like fucking water! bitch !!!

0:29 - he’s the only one who’s on his leg (aka on balance) while still moving through his entire chest and torso to complete the required circular movement

0:53 - his left hand …. a BLADE. IT’S A FUCKING SPATULA. I COULD COOK MY FOOD W IT. and i don’t like it lol

1:03 - 1:17 - he cleaned up the footwork more for the performance and had way more energy. he was lower in his legs (they were more bent) and his weight was back, his arms were moving Extra lots, and it was super high powered !

technically, hoseok does everything right in that section. he hits the beats, he executes the choreography, but THIS is the important part that sets a good dancer apart from a great dancer. he’s focused on cleaning the steps and correcting mistakes, but once he’s onstage he’s able to let loose and just go ALL IN. he doesn’t hold back, even when it’ll tire him out faster

his eyes are tracking himself in the mirror, but later they follow the natural movement of the head. there’s connection between his dancing and the people who are watching.

additionally, he’s able to dance more full out during the performance because he was faster, lighter, harder, deeper, really giving his 500% (facials AND choreography-wise). you can see he stepped it up when he got onstage…a clean difference between rehearsal and live presentation !!! he pushed himself to do more than the basic actions. wow. a king.

1:54 - you can see he adds an extra jerk of his upper body when he’s diving low. the reason i’m pointing this out now instead of the stage tech clip later is because we can see he’s working on consistency. this tells me that move was intentional, and he was definitely working on incorporating it into his dancing

2:53 - his arms are my favorite. they’re fluid and he has such nice lines after he rolls thru them .. hands too

3:05 - i wish hoseok used this resistance more in his dancing. he opts for looser movement, which is nothing bad, but sometimes i wish his versatility extended to playing around w slow --> fast movements, similar to jimin’s style

3:24 - i love his arms there, again. so fluid. it looks like hes pulling them along w the rest of his motions

3:30 - this lil bitch really needs to stop sticking his arm between his legs and then dragging his hand up his crotch oh my god take a shot whenever hobi does this in the video and die of alcohol poisoning

3:31 - he’s marking (not dancing full-out) everything, but his shoulders are just nut after nut AFTER NUT. they’re the precursor to the stuff he’s able to pull off later, and it’s so interesting to see these things !!!!! there’s a lot i can learn about bts and their dancing this way

jimin

0:01 -  0:07 - SON !!!!!!!!!!BOY!!!!!!!!!!KID !!!!!!!MY CHILD !!!!!!!!!!!! LITERALLY JUST FUCK ME UP !!!!! this hoe was marking and it was already clean? he hit every single beat and the actions were sharp.. precise. . cutting me like a KNIFE

as i said before with hobi, i can see that his foundations are strong even in rehearsal and marking the choreography .. so therefore it will translate well on stage. which it did hehe

0:13 - he managed a double tap with his right foot and made it musical. he hit the beats !!!! he really did !!! even though it was ridiculously fast turnaround between each

0:16 - here you can see the difference between rehearsal and actual performance. his footwork during the transition is messy; he stumbles over himself and takes too many steps for it to look easy

0:18 - uhhh the way he pulses? so controlled. so easy. tons of resistance but no tension in anything other than where his movements should be isolated

0:25 - he’s got pretty pretty ballet hands :(( i love

0:28 - he’s shuffling around a lot on his standing leg. he needs to find a place to put his weight (he’s shifting between heel and toes right now) in order to make the pivot look cleaner

0:57 - 1:07 - u can tell he hasn’t finished polishing this combo yet bc there are faster transitions that look rushed. compare him to hobi, who looks at ease and relaxed for the whole eight count. jimin’s feet aren’t moving on the music, his arms aren’t able to go full out yet, and it looks Messy like he can’t quite get his head around everything

2:30 - 2:39 - this is one of the reasons i love watching rehearsals, especially given the luxury for footage of MULTIPLE. here, we can see that jimin is now more familiar with the choreography and his able to dance with full arms and even more head movements. whether this is the next day or an arbitrary amount of time later, it’s clear that he got his head around the choreo during the time that passed between clips

3:14 - uhhhh FOOT!WORK!

3:18 - this jump is executed really nicely. he gets enough air time and the front leg gives enough force to push him both up and backwards (so on a diagonal). i just wish he balanced out the step by lifting his back leg up more bc it looks like it’s dragging on the ground afterwards

3:18 - 3:21 - this is it....this is the Killing Moment. the end of all ends. the most beautiful moment of life. i have seen god and she has returned to earth w a group of angels singing in four octaves with heavenly instruments playing as she descends upon earth 2 bless me w jimin’s control his power his passion and energy and SNAP and how hard he hits while managing to isolate parts of his movement im 

3:36 - idk how he manages to snap every single one of these steps. even jungkook and hobi aren’t able to do it the way he does ghghghghhgk

3:39 - nice turn, nice lift of the left leg at the end, now would u please spot please and thank you

jungkook

0:00 - 0:08 - already, i’m able to see that jungkook IS moving his body a lot, even if he’s just marking the combo. i said this earlier, but this assures me that it was 100% his costume that was the problem, and not his actual dancing that made his performance underwhelming

0:05 - i don’t know if it’s the set choreo or what, but i don’t like the fact that he extended his left arm parallel to the floor and kept it there. while having a straight arm (compared to the floor) is favorable in other parts of the combo, it breaks the line of his body here. u can see this by comparing his chin/head to his arm. the “line” of his torso isn’t connected all the way thru. it’s broken, so therefore looks less appealing

he also doesn’t move anything except his head here, and i don’t like that. it looks very stiff

0:11 - he is SUPER fluid here, and in a good way. it’s controlled, but also loose. there isn’t anything floppy about his movements, and it flows well through the entire length of his arms & he even makes a note to travel up to his shoulders 

0:22 - i like the way he leans his weight forward. it’s very nonchalant, but also held/looks “dancer-like”

0:24 - the way he leans his weight back is just.....yum

0:28 - i actually like his ver of that leg-lift-pivot (???) thing the most, even though he’s not doing it full-out. it gives him more control and makes the step look very clean, so if i was their teacher, i would’ve made the change to what he did since i’d rather see something clean than messy and challenging. it just looks nicer and more put together

0:49 - SO MANY THINGS WE MISSED BC OF HIS BAD COSTUMING !!!!!! he rolls through his limbs and even snaps into resistance !!!!!  + his Active Fingers at the end of the step . Serve it to me, Bitch

0:55 - 1:05 - while he doesn’t have as much energy as hoseok, i still prefer his interpretation over jimin here. jimin’s too stiff and lacks the fluidity required to make this combo look good

here, i’m going to say that jungkook knows the choreography better than jimin as well. make of that what u will, there’s nothing i can really say about that except point it out lol

1:13 - OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOD there is SO MUCH FLEXION HAPPENING W HIS TORSO HE’S BENDING AND STRETCHING AND GOING IN ALL THESE DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS AND HOPPING BACK AND FORTH A TINY BIT this is what i missed onstage and i am so glad that i was able to see him perform this, even if it was in rehearsal

1:57 - mood tho

2:54 - definitely did not get to see him move through this much of his body during the home party stage. very happie to witness it now. the line of his arm and his hands are also really nice at the end (when he extends them)

3:29 - loose but also held Enough that it makes it my favorite interp of the choreo out of the three

3:31 - he’s just marking, but he has really nice shoulders here

3:24 - his hands .. when he’s flicking them back and forth all i can say is that more than my eyes are crying right now :)))))

general comments

what i noticed with hoseok is he has trouble matching his hands. the shape of them are usually not the same, and the angle of his arms (when he bends at the elbow) don’t match. this is something i’d like him to fix, unless it’s an intentional decision

he also smiles a lot when he’s dancing; it’s cute to see! you can tell he’s working hard (the way the other members are working hard too), but he’s also having fun n enjoying himself. marks of a tru dancer: loves what he does even tho it’s challenging.

jimin’s so cute when he’s singing the song to their combos :(( also he has SUPREME underwear and idont know how to feel about that lmao

i’ve always been curious about wearing street or formal shoes during performances, and bc of that it was Revealing to see jimin testing out the floor. dancers usually scuff the bottom of their shoes against the marely to check how slippery it is (0:45 / 4:50 / 5:00)

jungkook seems very serious or very silly. there’s no in between, and it find it endearing. he’s hyper focused to the point where he doesn’t engage in facials, but this is a bad habit that he’s kept onstage. while the “sexy and angry” vibe can work for some dances, there are ones where it’s not the case & he needs to learn the difference or work on this problem of his

it was nice to see them wearing actual dance clothing to check for projected motion

i also learned from this rehearsal that bts tends not to learn dances off the counts. they sing the actual song isntead of counting the beats....hoseok always starts out with “five six seven eight” but then doesn’t continue? lmao it’s cute, but it’s not the most helpful, especially if they’re trying to match up together. it seems that mr. son, their dance teacher, does count the music, which is probably why they’re able to clean bts’ pieces so well for performances

overall, i was happy to see them release a rehearsal video to watch the way that bts works. it’s not the same as being in the studio with them, but it gave me a lot of insight to what they’re doing during practice

[credulouscanidae]

i just wanna…complain a bit here but im hesitant to cuz when i talk about my head stuff and wellbeing theres always someone who stumbles into my ask box criticizing me but whatever

just had my first appointment with a psychologist about gender transition and im…..unhappy? i mean if this is the shit you have to go through to transition then bloody hell are the people who got through it are strong

firstly i was talked over and did more listening than explaining. she kept making assumptions and kinda acted like i SHOULD be saying yes to them.

she just….had a lot of generally shitty views. she kept basically saying “pronouns are too confining cuz im just me ^_^” and she even said similar about autism (cuz i had to talk about my family and that came up). shes like “what even is autism anyway ya know? it’s just a collection of traits ppl have. YOU could even be on the spectrum” and basically alluding to that whole “everyone is kinda autistic” BULLSHIT. made me super uncomfortable.

she asked me if i had any support networks and i explained i get a lot of support online. i was going on to say i get lots of rl support but she cuts me off and goes into this ramble about online not being validating enough cuz u NEED rl support. after her rant i kinda defensively said i have a good rl support network. didnt even get to explain WHO cuz she kept fucking interrupting me with her bullshit.

then i had to give a brief timeline of my life and of course that means talking about dad. she asked if i had any suicide attempts which i stupidly said yes. she keeps relating my experiences to “oh yeah lots of trans ppl have had this happen….father issues among transmen is very common” and im like…what are u getting at. ugh. i explained one of my suicide attempts that was inspired by my older brother’s attempt method. she said i was being a bit of a copycat cuz i saw bro do it and she trivialized it to “playing chicken with a train” and “would you even count that as a suicide attempt?”

also she kept going on about how the brain isn’t developed until 22 years old and then kinda used that as an excuse to start talking about how young trans people are …..god idk?? she basically said “in the 70s it was punk….these days it’s gender haha” kinda like a statement?? that pissed me off. got to the point where i felt like i had to add in exaggerated anecdotes about my childhood to even SEEM VALID. all what i said was true, just exaggerated.

i didn’t tell her about my bpd out of fear, but she mentioned bpd at one point basically saying “ppl like that have identity issues so we’re hesitant to let them medically transition”

then it got really fucking awkward when i was talking about my depression and how much better im managing it. i mention i have ambition and hope for the future, which is different to a few years back. she asks what things make me hopeful, i tell her my partner (we talked about him before this but i’ll explain this soon), my friends, the idea of gender transition, making a living, etc. then she’s like “if gender was taken out of that mix, would u still be hopeful?” and im like “uhhhh….i mean…life would be harder for me but i could get by…i just dont see myself in a future without transition…im tired of living like this” and then shes like “thats a bit of a red flag. are you saying you’d kill yourself if you didnt get to transition?” (we had just been talking about suicide) and im like….legit shocked. im like “no??” and then had to spend 5 minutes, nearly on the verge of tears, trying to explain that that’s not what i meant. she said that that’s the WRONG reason to want to transition and puts pressure and manipulation on her to approve it. i said thats not what i meant and that i find the “lemme transition or i kill myself” thing wrong.

so that made me feel extremely fake and manipulative and awful lmao

and earlier before this convo when she asked what my support networks were, i FINALLY got to explain i have a lot of rl friends and roommates and honestly the only prominent online support is from my partner since he’s from the uk. this turns into a running convo that appears throughout the session about internet safety. she questioned “but how is that even a relationships, like what do u do?” and then i shyly say that we talk on skype/video chat almost daily and then she goes on this spiel about “people on the internet can make themselves out to be like anything they want to be to appeal to you” and i got super defensive. i said i trust him and i know what im on about. she asks how long we’ve been dating (there goes my wanting to tell her it’s a qpr) and i exaggerated AGAIN saying weve been friends for 2 years and been together 6 months. lets not forget when i finally tell her about my mum and shes like “did u seek out your relationship with your partner after your mums death? did u get attached bc of that?” and then she said some other shit about autism that i dont even wanna talk about on here.

and oh goddddd what else.

OH YEAH i had to tell her about my abuse history and by extension mums and she basically asked “how do u know youre not being abused by this partner in the uk?” following her logic that im doomed to be abused just because mum was and i have been in the past.

and then as i left she kept stressing that i need to get approval by other doctors saying im emotionally stable and not at risk of suicide bc hormones can fuck u up. and yeah ok fair enough. i tell her im very in touch with my emotions and she says back “well if you’re reading them properly”

who fucking knows anymore.

lady, you’re trans so you know better than anyone else what dysphoria feels like. you talked 80% of the time for an HOUR. you DON’T KNOW who I AM. you do NOT know SHIT about me or my struggles or the fact that ive been ACTIVELY WORKING ON MY MENTAL ILLNESS FOR YEARS. (OH AND ACCORDING TO HER “MENTALLY ILL” IS A PROBLEMATIC TERM CUZ ???? WHY??)

and i cant even use my psychiatrist to write a letter saying im stable and ready for transiton cuz earlier to-fucking-day he told me i should hold off transition until my bpd is under control and that it’s not smart to pursue it. oh and also he put me on medication. :)

yeah uhhhhhhhh…..i think i know myself better better than anyone. im not coming into this expecting transition to be easy. dont even think i was oblivious to how emotional it can be. it’s fucking awful. i know this. ive had literally 3 different doctors tell me “OOOOOO YOURE EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE TRANSITION ISNT A GOOD THING YOU PROBABLY JUST CONFUSED” and im like….yeah…..definitely confused after all these years. definitely. it’s not like i  stayed trans even after all this shit or anything. gender psych wants me to “unwrap” my sexual trauma so she can….idfk….deem me really trans or some shit.

how the fuck do people deal with professionals. ive had small doses of this sorta shit my entire counseled life, always trivializing my symptoms to just being “stressed”. i wasnt believed about my symptoms besides depression+anxiety for YEARS…and now that im finally opening up about my bpd and gender stuff, im getting this intense dose of professional bullcrap and im already sick of it.

gender psych interrupted me and condescended me the entire time. shes so fucking ableist ESPECIALLY towards autistic people (and once again my allistic privilege played a part cuz i can only IMAGINE how differently that appointment wouldve gone) and seems very technophobic, or at least against the way things are these days with LDRs and young trans ppl.

whatever. lets hope next session wont be so fucking messy.

[coachjeffsworkouts]

Wrapping up phase one…

Okay, it’s just time to get this started as a regular part of our process. As it stands now there were so many different workouts I wanted to write, hesitated, and it was past. So, this is likely going to be a little on the long side, but still good info as we start the season,  so be sure you are reading all the way through National Group.

We’ll start with a general wrap up of the first 6 week phase and how we have started. I’ve stated over and over, but I think you are all off to a very impressive start to the season. The second half of the training period of the fall season will be what makes or breaks things from here. You’ve put yourselves in a great position to build off of the first half and really make some big changes, but it’s going to test you over and over for the next 6 weeks. It’s going to challenge how bad you want to reach those goals. Are you willing to push 100% when asked to go fast, because you know 99% isn’t going to get you there? Are you willing to focus on the details until you master the basics? With the understanding that mastering something is not the ability to do it correctly, but your inability to do it incorrectly. Build those habits that will get you to success. Make those Champion’s Choices. It’s time to decide how bad you want it and will yourself to push through the pain now, so you see that break through at the end of the season.

Our goals #WJTEAM #P2MR #P8FR are well under-way and we are climbing to them, and now is the time to keep those right in front of you like a carrot. Avoid that complacency by keeping that focus on those TEAM goals. We need to earn it daily!

Of which, we’ll make that the first pic. Our Sept 24th effort towards the #P2MR goal is below and is a solid start. The more we compete with each other and support each other, the better we are as a TEAM.

Okay, let’s touch base on some workouts here as well. First off some technical work for each of the strokes (non-free). I’m not going to spend a ton of time here, but I want each of you to know and understand those focal points on each. Fly is clearly power into rhythm. The pieces all need to then fall into that from there, but without those two you are lost. Backstroke is that connection of the pull to the rotation of the body. Not only creating more power with this connection, but it will set up the proper timing of the stroke to allow for efficient speed variations of the same stroke technique. Breaststroke is so many things to so many people, but our two focal points are going to be the power in our kicks and from there the insweep used to create the all-important timing of the stroke. While other strokes timing may make it a 1 (arms) + 1 (legs) = 3 equation when you add in the proper timing, for breaststroke it’s more like 1 (arms) + 1 (legs) = 7 equation when you have the right timing. You can take an average breaststroke puller and kicker, but have an impressive swimmer, all because of how it all works together.

Take a quick look through again just to understand those focus points. Keep in mind the more we find those things that not working for us, but against us, the more efficient you become in the water. That efficiency comes in the way of feeling much better at the end of races.

Be ready as well, we will do quite a bit of fast stuff with fins. I like the focus on being prepared to handle that type of speed and of course the increased leg drive to really benefit from fins is a bonus as well. (I included the front of the board for your times on the 100 from a push with fins)

Test sets coming up next. I’m not going to spend quite as much time on those here, but I do want to talk a bit as we completed the first round of the year. We have these 2 which will be our standards, and then we’ll also occasionally do one that is a throw back to my high school swimming days. We’ll do a best average set of 10x100 on 2:00 – break at 5 to collect times, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

First up was the Step Test. We’re focusing in on free or IM on the Step Test now. The goal here is to be able to have a pretty steady descent as you move from HR to HR (again, HR60 refers to 60 beats below max, or roughly 22-24 beats per 10 seconds) and down to the fast 200. I like 5 for us as if our strokes are where they need to be and we swim efficiently, we should be able to do this very well. If we are falling off or struggling, I believe it shows inefficiencies in either strokes, racing, or training. Your first goal is to be as fast as possible at each level, with as even of a swim as possible (100 to 100), at the designated heart rate. Learning how to swim 200’s like that, being efficiently powerful, and numerous other things will help us get better at that, and then the goal is to move the graph to the left at every point through consistent, focused commitment to the training.

Overall assessment is a good starting point. The set and 200’s seem to have been swum really well, but we need to be faster on the end. That’s both because of where we want to be, but also to some degree where we already are now. Next time the board will show circles for improvements and underlines for ties, and we need the board full of circles.

Below you’ll see a spreadsheet that you’ll get a link to on Google sheets. I’ll have the first one filled in, you’ll fill it in from there. I have a master sheet that is linked to each of yours and I’ll get an alert when they are updated, so we can all stay on the same page. The graph on the right shows the first set, and then will compare against that line each time as they are already all set up. We are using an average 100 time, so just divided by 2 and done the math for the full heartrate. Danny was first on the list, so you can see his below. Pretty steady climb overall, and needs to be faster. The main focus would be the big jump in heartrate from the 4th to the 5th swim, but the time not having that same corresponding size jump. Shows a bit of an inefficiency there (although only slight as I have seen many work harder and go slower, there was still an increase in speed here), as we as a similar steapness to the line from 1 to 2. Your refernce line is around a 45 degrees.

Up next was the Challenge 100’s. Short interval, holding stroke. It’s that drive and push to maintain stroke on the end of the 200 all wrapped up in a test set. How much will you be able to drop that interval this year? Again, improved set performance is definitely still possible at this point, but the main goal is physical changes by what you do on a daily basis between now and the next set. Three of you need to start thinking about your next interval as well.

I’ll wrap up the write up for the first phase of training with some shout outs. First and foremost, you need to all understand that you are off to a great start. So my first shout out goes to the entire group, and that is the most important piece by far. We are in a fantastic spot, but the thing is that the chase never stops. We need to be striving for excellence daily. Pushing through to new levels. That’s the opportunity you have opened up for yourselves, the opportunity to work your way through the door of greatness.

AS – is just getting it done, we found a stroke flaw that really stood out finally and not only was she able to change it, but it already seems to be her stroke and showing amazing advancements already, that’s impressive, then add the determination to work herself to the level she wants to be and oh, still swimming fast along the way, big things coming

NC – look out for Nicky, she is just getting the work done day in and day out, if she builds her confidence with things like already hitting her Challenge 100 pace and all of her other sets, and then allows herself to race like that at the end, 😊

KR – consistency? I think this is it. If I am not mistaken, she’s found this needed focus in workouts and is ready to take this great start to new levels. Consistency at this level alone, let alone any gains from here, is going to yield a lot of smiles in the end

AY – making some great stroke changes and finding a way to have some speed when tired, this could be a very fun year indeed

DS – sometimes the first step is learning what you have to learn, then moving forward from there; doing a nice job learning those steps still to take to become the swimmer he wants to be; pedal to the floor

RD – refocused, driven and ready for big things it appears

IH – getting after it daily in workouts and if he is getting ready to race that same way, he is in for some big swims

Okay, I think that will wrap up the first phase of training and on to the next. Time to find some speed!

Great job all. It’s time for all of us to settle in and find that consistency over the next 6 weeks. Recruit trips winding down, tests taken, school trips done, it’s time for us to settle in, be consistent, and roll through this phase even better than the first.

Keep it up and …

Go Rose Bowl!