#definitely didn’t post this too early yesterday

[shootingthe-stars]

honeymooning <3

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

A fake soccer date

Summary: Joel asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend to get the soccer moms off his back. How convenient that you're both kind of in love with each other.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader

Wordcount: 2.2k

Rating: E

Warnings: no outbreak, friends to lovers, FAKE DATING, mentions of dead spouse, a little angst, soccer moms (ugh), fluff, making out, smut (protected sex), dirty talk, a lot of kissing, Joel being in love, banner just for the vibes

Part of Fake Dating drabbles

follow @toomanystoriessolittletime-fics and turn on notifications to get notified when I post new fics

Full Masterlist // Joel Miller Masterlist

You understood his weekly dread of going to Sarah’s soccer matches now. 

It wasn’t the soccer or the getting up at 6 am to drive to some god awful town hours away to watch a bunch of teenage girls play ball. 

It was the soccer moms.

And Joel was the only single Dad of the group. There was flirting. There were definitely not occasion appropriate attire and cleavage. There was touching. 

And that was only what you saw as you watched him in the middle of at least six women who were fussing over him like he was the only men left alive while you made your way towards the field from the parking lot. 

He had asked you before if you would accompany him to one of Sarah’s games. 

You had been neighbours since before Sarah was born. He had inherited the fixer upper next door when he just turned twenty and made the most out of it. You had seen his life fall apart within months from the moment he found out his ex girlfriend was pregnant not long after. They had tried to get back together again. 

It was you and your late husband Andrew who had been there for him once Sarah was born and his ex had left him alone. You probably spent more times in Joel’s house than your own in those first weeks, all of you being new to taking care of a new born. 

But Sarah made it easy. 

Andrew, Joel and you grew close in the coming years. 

So close that Joel was the first one you called when you were sitting in a hospital in the early morning hours after an accident on your way back from your summer vacation. 

An accident Andrew did not survive. 

He showed up an hour later with a sleeping Sarah in his arms, holding you all night as you cried into his shoulder. 

The time after that was blurry. But you knew Joel was there every single step through your grief, right beside you. 

He was your best friend. 

And as best friends it was okay to ask you to pretend to be dating him to get the soccer moms off his back, right?

It’s not like he knew that you kind of fell in love with him over the last year, right?

With a nervous inhale you put a smile on your face as you approached Joel from behind, his broad back standing out to you in between the moms who had only eyes for him. You put one of your arms around him as you sneaked to his side, feeling him stiffen for a moment as you looked up at him, meeting his eyes. He smiled down at you, instantly relaxing, his arm coming around you to pull you closer against his side. 

„Hi,“ he smiled warmly and you smiled back. 

„Sorry I’m late. The line was endless,“ you lied and he chuckled. You felt his hand rest on your hip, squeezing you lightly. 

„Glad you could make it. Sarah is gonna be excited to see you,“ he said. Like you had not seen her yesterday when you had dinner together at your house. 

He kissed your temple and you closed your eyes for a moment before you turned your head too look at the people standing around you. The women were glaring at you and didn’t even attempt to hide it. 

„If you'll excuse me ladies. We got a match to watch,“ Joel said, not waiting for an answer before he pulled you towards the field, not letting go of you. 

„I can practically feel them trying to kill me with their eyes,“ you mumbled and he huffed a laugh. 

„I told you. I didn’t even do anything. They just appear out of thin air once I get here,“ he groaned and you rolled your eyes. If you didn’t know him, you’d think he’d pretend to not now the looks he received from women around him. 

Joel Miller was a catch and everyone knew it. 

You came to stand at the fence separating the field and the audience, watching as the girls warmed up on the soccer field. Sarah saw you and waved wildly and you waved back with a bright smile. You felt Joel stand behind you, before his hands came down next to yours on the fence.

„Thank you for doing this,“ he hummed against your ear as he leaned down, his chin resting on your shoulder for a moment. You took a deep breath. 

„Anything for you,“ you mumbled, gasping when he fell into you against the fence, someone having pushed him. You heard him groan lowly against your ear, his body flush against yours. He took a step back immediately, turning to his side but you were pretty sure you had felt his hard bulge press into your ass for a second.

You turned your head to look at him, finding his cheeks a little flushed as he looked everywhere but at you. But before you could say anything the kids coach cheered the girls on and they got into position for the game to start.

And a couple minutes later Joel was standing behind you again, and you were leaning against his strong chest, one of his arms around your stomach as you watched his daughter play soccer on the field in front of you. 

„Are we…. Are we still pretending to be dating?“ You mumbled against his lips, your fingers unbuttoning his flannel. 

Things had…. Escalated a little. 

One of his hands was on the side of your neck, tilting your head up as his lips moved against yours, your body pressed against the wall next to his bedroom, his body caging you in. 

„Do you want to be pretending?“ He asked, his lips kissing down your throat as his other hand came to squeeze one of your tits over your shirt. 

„Cause I haven’t been all day,“ he mumbled and you gasped. 

You were both still fully clothed, having spent the whole day together on the soccer field, pretending to be dating. 

It was pretend when he held your hand while you grabbed food. 

It was pretend when he pulled you on his lap when there wasn’t enough place to sit. 

It was pretend when you went up and kissed him when one of the soccer moms had her hands on his chest. 

Right?

„Joel….“ You hummed letting you head fall against the wall as his hand slipped under your shirt and towards your chest. You finally had his flannel open your fingernails scratching over the shirt he was wearing underneath. 

„I… I don’t want to pretend. I… I want you. I want you all the time,“ you confessed, your eyes closed as he sucked on the soft skin on your neck. 

He looked at you then a small smile on his flushed lips. 

„Good,“ he simply said, before he kissed you again and pulled you towards his bedroom. 

He undressed you slowly, kissing a path from your lips down to your hips before he told you to lay down. 

With your arms spread out on his mattress you looked up at him as he got out of his clothes, biting your lip when you saw his thick cock, already glistening at the tip. 

„Dreamed of this,“ he said as he joined you on the bed, crawling on top of you, kissing you softly as he laid down between your spread legs. 

You nipples hardened as his chest brushed against yours, the only thought in your head being that you wanted him closer. Always closer.

„Yeah?“ You asked with a small smile, your fingers brushing over his back. He nodded. 

„Me too. Dreamed of this for months,“ you confessed and he kissed you again.

„Months?“ He asked kissing your nose.

„Mhh… Think I knew when you fixed my bathroom sink and explained every little step you were doing. Thought back then that I’d listen to everything you’d explain to me as long as you wouldn’t leave,“ you said quietly, a little shy. 

You parted your lips when you felt his cock slip though your folds. 

„When you held Sarah after she fell from her bike last year. I watched you with my daughter in your arms and thought to myself, fuck I’m in love with her,“ he said and you felt a tear slip out of your eyes. 

You tilted your chin up to find his lips in a deep kiss before you brought one hand down and between your bodies, hearing him moan when your fingers wrapped around his stiff cock. 

„Wanna taste you first,“ he mumbled against your lips. 

You shook your head. 

„Plenty of time for that after. Wanna feel you please,“ you pumped his cock and he closed his eyes, his forehead resting against yours. 

„Fuck. Fuck okay. Condom?“ He asked and you grinned. 

„You got some? I’m on birth control and I trust you,“ you said. He looked at you for a moment before he shook his head. 

„The last time I didn’t use a condom with someone who was on birthcontrol I got Sarah,“ he chuckled before he pushed off of you and reached towards his bedside table, finding a little golden foil package, ripping it open and pulling it over his cock. 

He came back to kneel between your legs, one of his hands wrapped around his cock while he reached for a pillow and with a grin. 

You grinned back, arching your back as he pushed the pillow under you and under your ass before both of his hands pulled you towards him. You crossed your legs behind his ass, pulling him closer as he leaned down, lining his cock up with your pussy. 

„No more pretending,“ he whispered and you shook your head. 

„No more pretending,“ you repeated before you kissed him as he slowly pushed inside of you. 

Your lips parted against his as he slipped inside you, both of you breathing heavily, a quiet moan coming from you as he stretched you. 

You hadn’t been with anyone since your husband died and Joel wasn’t exactly small. 

"You okay?“ He asked, slowing down. 

You just nodded, before you kissed him again, finding yourself enjoying the stretch of his cock as it pushed slowly inside of you. 

„Keep going, feels so fucking good,“ you mumbled against his lips and you felt him smile as he moved, his cock moving inside of you until his whole length was filling you, both of you releasing a loud breath. 

„Should have done this sooner,“ he said as he pulled back and began to slowly fuck into you. You had one hand in his hair, the other on his ass, feeling him as he moved inside of you, his cock filling you perfectly with every thrust. 

„Yeah,“ you moaned, closing your eyes. 

„Keep your eyes open,“ he hummed and you did, finding him looking at you. 

„I wanna see you when you cum on my cock,“ he said and your walls clenched, making him smirk.

„You liked that, huh?“ He asked and you nodded slowly. 

„Keep going,“ you whimpered. 

„You know what I think of when I jerk myself off in the shower? I imagine the way you look when you cum. I wonder how you sound when I make you cum so hard you see stars. I wonder how you taste. I wonder if you like it hard or slow. I wonder if you wear these pretty lace panties I saw hanging in your bathroom that one time whenever you’re around me,“ he continued and you whimpered his name. 

„I wonder if you would let me fuck you at the dining table when we have dinner together. Or if you’d suck me off in the garage when we have a couple minutes to ourselves. Or on the couch after we watched a movie. I wonder if I can make you scream my name so everyone knows that you’re mine,“ he said before he kissed you and changed the angle of how he was fucking you, his cock hitting a spot inside of you that had you shaking. 

„I’m gonna take you to the lake house this weekend so I can have you screaming as loudly as you want to,“ he said and you nodded biting your lip to keep quiet, still mindful of the child sleeping down the hall. 

„Cum for me baby, let me feel you,“ he said as he crashed his lips down on yours and you shattered, coming harder than you had ever before, your legs shaking as he kept pumping his cock into you in quick deep thrusts. 

„Fuuuuuck,“ you cried quietly against his lips, feeling his lips twitch into a smile. 

„Beautiful,“ he hummed before his hips stuttered his cock pulsing inside of you as he slowly continued to fuck into you, his forehead coming to rest against yours as he orgasmed. 

Both sweaty and out of breath you just looked at each other before he kissed you and slowly rolled you to the side, pulling you against his chest, his cock softening and still resting inside of you. 

Kissing his chest you nuzzled against him, feeling his arms tighten around your body. 

„Best fake date ever,“ you grinned and you felt him chuckle, before he kissed your head just as you drifted off to sleep. 

[miryum]

☆ 18+ minors dni ☆

College!Jason Todd who quite literally ran into you. It wasn’t his fault, in his defence, he was reading, but he thought he had mastered the art of walking and reading. Apparently not. 

College!Jason Todd who apologised profusely, claiming it was all his fault even while you tried to convince him it was just as much your fault as well

College!Jason Todd who can’t help but notice that one of the books you’ve dropped is one of his favourites, leading him to exclaim, “you’re reading The Three Musketeers?”

College!Jason Todd who wasn’t quite sure how responded because while he was picking up the book for you, he caught glimpse of annotations and he couldn’t help but glance through them

College!Jason Todd who stuttered when you laughed lightly, noticing he wasn’t paying attention. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have looked, but I wanted to see your thoughts… that’s weird, isn’t it?”

College!Jason Todd who lit up when you beamed, a small blush reaching his cheeks when you replied, “no, no, it’s fine. I totally get it.”

College!Jason Todd who felt butterflies in his stomach when you suggested that he borrow your copy and give you his phone number to return it eventually

College!Jason Todd who wasn’t sure how a six foot grown man could get so excited about a girl he’d never met before. He wasn’t sure to thank his gods or hers that she had the courage to ask for his number

College!Jason Todd who learned years later that you were just as anxious as him during your first meeting. Thankfully, the words had come flying out of your mouth and before you could shrink into a hole and die, Jason had thankfully agreed

College!Jason Todd who goes back to his dorm and immediately begins reading the book, even though he’s read it three times already and has homework to do

College!Jason Todd who shushes his roommate, Roy, with a pillow chucked towards the head when Roy has the audacity to ask what he’s doing

College!Jason Todd whose heart beats faster whenever one of your annotations pops up and he gets to read your handwriting and thoughts

College!Jason Todd who adds his own annotations with small post-its as to not mess up your own, but wants so badly to exchange ideas

College!Jason Todd who finishes the book that night all the while Roy was groaning about Jason’s annoying reading light that was prohibiting his sleeping

College!Jason Todd who very unpatiently waits until morning to text you that the book was very very good and even better than he had remembered 

College!Jason Todd who threw his phone across the room once he saw that you had responded. Roy scoffed loudly from his desk and Jason chucked yet another pillow at his roommate 

College!Jason Todd who didn’t want to seem too desperate, but immediately agreed to meet up with you at the library when you offer it 

College!Jason Todd who gets to the library twenty minutes early just to be prepared. You never know. So he gets there twenty minutes early. More like thirty. And maybe he brings the drink he saw you carry around campus yesterday 

College!Jason Todd who is fine if he doesn’t get a word in edgewise about the book, satisfied to just stare at you as you gush about The Three Musketeers 

College!Jason Todd who is also happy if you want to hear his thoughts and blushes and stammers his way through his analysis, worried about what you might think of him and also having a very hard time focusing when you look at him like that

College!Jason Todd who thinks he may melt when you turn bright red and bite your lip, trying to hide your smile, all because he annotated the book just for you

College!Jason Todd who then spends the next two hours in the library with you, trading recommendations and browsing the bookshelves 

College!Jason Todd who gets to brace an arm above you, leaning on a bookshelf, smirking as you turn into a blushing mess

College!Jason Todd who definitely doesn’t visualise wrapping your legs around his waist and taking you against said bookshelf 

College!Jason Todd who restrains himself because if you even knew half of what he was wanting, you’d run away screaming

College!Jason Todd who, after promising to meet up again, goes back to his dorm and takes a very cold shower 

College!Jason Todd who meets up with you at least twice a week more like three times until the point where Roy demands that he just asks you out cause it’s been going on for way too long and if he doesn’t, then someone else will

College!Jason Todd who does so by underlining a passage in a romance novel that explains how his heart races whenever he looks in your direction, how he’d steal the sun if it meant he could see you smile, and how even if you rejected him, he’d be happy just to be in your presence

College!Jason Todd who, after pacing in front of your dorm for a while, then chickens out and leaves the book outside your door, the page bookmarked 

College!Jason Todd who gets a call from you a while later and answers it like he didn’t just covertly ask you out through a fucking book

College!Jason Todd who, when you laugh lightly over the phone thinks his chances have died, until you agree in that lovely voice of yours to meet him at the library for an official date this time

College!Jason Todd who treats you like the gentleman he is for the next couple of dates before showing you how brutal he could be by fucking the living daylights out of you

College!Jason Todd who learns how his most favourite sound is your soft, incoherent whimpers as his hips slam into yours as he grips the headboard above you, scared that if he touched you, he would break you

College!Jason Todd who realises what can happen when he pinches your clit just so and how good it feels to have you come undone around him

College!Jason Todd who praises you on how good you took his big cock, whispering and cooing into your ear as both of you came down from your highs

College!Jason Todd who knows that all other women are ruined for him simply because of how you smiled sleepily at him whilst caged in his big arms and how your pussy clenched around him, but that’s not important

College!Jason Todd who proudly hooks an arm around your shoulders or waist whenever he can, strolling through campus with a smug smirk on his face, knowing he has the best girl by his side

College!Jason Todd who sees you at your highs and lows and shows you the exact same

College!Jason Todd who wouldn’t change anything, even when you’re close to collapsing at your desk, exhausted from finals 

College!Jason Todd who wouldn’t change anything even when you’re on your period and your hormones are raging high and something either makes you start crying or start glaring at him over something he’s not quite sure about

College!Jason Todd who is just content to fall asleep next to you whenever he can and wake up with you in his arms

College!Jason Todd who knows your ins and outs, the slightest inflection of your tone, and the way your heart beats 

College!Jason Todd who knows his heart beats just for you

College!Jason Todd who calls Bruce a couple weeks later, after months of no contact. He asks if he could bring you to a family dinner. A year or so later, he calls Bruce again, asking for his grandmother's ring

[hornyfor-redacted-onmain]

Feelings

Pieces of My Heart - Chapter 19 Stray Kids OT8 x reader, Soulmate AU

Masterlist | Next Part

You found yourself waking up with a jolt. There was a weight on your chest, and your eyes felt glued from crust, but you felt frozen, waiting for anything to let you know what it was that woke you up. Your fridge was humming softly, and besides the soft breathing from next to you, there was no other noise. Until you picked up a soft beeping.

With a sigh, you slowly shifted Jisung off your body so you could slip out of bed, softly padding towards your pants. After a second, you realized it wasn’t your phone that had made the noise. You gave a second to glance back to the boys still sleeping in your bed, looking peaceful. You contemplated it for a second, but another buzz made you shrug.

It was probably fine.

It was in Jisung’s pants that you found the offending phone, a few notifications from ‘Channie-Hyung’. You could only see the most recent messages since you didn’t have his phone password.

‘Let me know’ 1m

‘We might be going over the melody for the bri-’ 1m

‘Feel free to catch up with us later. We’ll be-‘ 2m

You hummed softly, bringing his phone back to your bed with you. You placed both of them on the nightstand and, figuring Chan would have called if it was urgent, found yourself falling back asleep.

Or at least, you tried.

Despite dozing for a few minutes, you found yourself unable to actually fall back asleep. You let your eyes flutter open, about to stretch, when you caught movement in the corner of your eye. You shifted your head slightly up to see what it was.

Minho was awake, his eyes heavily lidded as if he was seconds away from closing them again. He was looking down at Jisung, who had turned over and decided to use his hyung as a pillow in your brief absences, and there was something in his eyes that made your breath catch in your throat. The movement that you had caught was his hand lifting up to brush hair away from Jisung’s face.

The back of his hand softly caressed the sleeping rapper’s cheek with a tenderness that you had never seen before. Except, maybe in movies. And very briefly, between soulmates.

As his actual soulmate, it should have made you feel jealous to see that look in Minho’s eyes. The kind of look he had never shown you. But while it did make your chest clench tightly, it wasn’t because of a jealousy or hurt that you had known quite well from past relationships and unrequited crushes. It was … you weren’t sure what it was.

Minho’s eyes darted towards you, a small smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

“Hi,” He whispered in English, his voice soft and yet deep from sleep.

“Morning,” You whispered back, trying not to wake up the other boy.

 “What time is it?”

“7-ish,” You murmured.

The dancer threw an arm over his eyes. “Too early.”

You let out a huff, nodding your head in agreement. “Go back to sleep.”

You weren’t sure if he did, since he didn’t answer you. Now that you were sure you weren’t tired anymore, you grabbed your phone to scroll for a while in hopes of passing the time, both because you didn’t want to actually get up for fear of bothering the other two, but also because you had no plans.

At first it was just alternating between videos and social media, catching up on anything new. But then you saw a particular post that made you pause.

It was you. At least, you were pretty sure it was you. And it was definitely Seungmin standing in front of you, even if his face was slightly blurry in the picture. You recognized the outfit as the one he was wearing yesterday.

Someone must have noticed you two on your not-date. The post only had an exclamation mark, with no other information or accusation, but the replies more than made up for it.

‘who are they?’ ‘IS THAT KIM SEUNGMIN?!!!?’ ‘ADFDGSH you saw Seungmin in the wild T.T’ ‘normalize actual captions plz. I have no idea what this is’ ‘lol stay is doing Dispatch’s job for them’ ‘wait is it just me or does that look like stray kids Seungmin?’ ‘oh my god you met Seungmin?’ ‘OP, is this you in pic?’

You knew for a fact that none of the boys had seen this post yet. There weren’t a lot of interactions, and the lack of confirmation from the original poster in the replies managed to keep most people in a stage of confusion. But it made your heartbeat faster, the sudden anxiety that you had been caught in public.

You hadn’t even noticed anyone taking the photo. What if you had been holding hands, or kissing? Right now, even if anyone managed to confirm it was Seungmin in the photo, there was plausible deniability that you were just a friend.

You turned your phone off with a sigh.

Jisung flipped over onto his back with a groan. “Jagi?”

Minho grunted, reaching out to grab Jisung’s hand.

Jisung mumbled something. too slurred and soft for you to make out, but Minho understood perfectly. He said something without opening his eyes, still too soft for you to make anything out except for ‘dinner’ and ‘our’, to which Jisung let out a loud groan as he stretched his body out in an exaggerated way.

You snickered.

“Yah, you’re too far. Come here,” Jisung said, holding out his arms to you.

“You’re the one who left me,” You said, allowing him to pull you close. “Just like I expected. I’m just the third wheel here.” You let out an exaggerated sniffle, dramatically placing the back of your hand over your forehead.

“You’re only now figuring that out?” Jisung joked.

You gasped, pulling away so you could slap him on the arm. “Hey!”

When you tried to get out of bed, he tightened his hold on you. “Noooo! I’m sorry, I was just joking. Don’t leave me!”

“You’re so dramatic,” you sighed, allowing him to pull you on top of him. You held yourself up on your elbow, looking down at him with a fake frown. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Kiss me?”

You pretended to think about it, but at his impatient look, you found yourself caving. You placed a slow, gentle, kiss on his lips, pulling away to affectionately grab his chin with your free hand. Jisung beamed up at you.

“Now I feel like the third wheel,” Minho said.

“Aw, are you feeling jealous Jagi?” Jisung pouted. “Come here, I can give you a kiss too.” He made exaggerated kissy noises, leaning over to get closer to the dancer, but in doing so he ended up pushing you off him.

You landed on your back on the edge of the bed with a laugh. “Hey, careful!”

The boys seemed to be in a wrestling match, both of them laughing and Jisung yelling out that Minho should accept his love, and you rolled your eyes.

“Boys,” You sighed to yourself.

0o0o0o0

Changbin invited you out to the gym the next morning, and you were already starting to regret it. It made you realize that you weren’t exactly in the best of shape, especially when you found yourself struggling to keep up with what was supposed to be a beginner friendly warm up.

At least he was nice enough not to point it out.

Chan showed up about halfway through, looking both surprised and amused when he realized you were there. “He going easy on you?”

“Doesn’t feel like it,” You grunted, letting out a groan as you lifted yourself back up from your squat.

You expected some more teasing, maybe some reassurance from one or both of the boys, but they were surprisingly quiet. You glanced at them in the mirror.

Changbin was smirking, and Chan’s eyes were far too low to be on anything but your ass.

You laughed so hard you almost dropped the bar.

0o0o0o0

Soulmates

Y/N Alright, which one of you gremlins stole my hoodie Felix Not it! Hyunjin It wasn’t me, but now I’m kind of wishing it was Jisung Wait, the black one? Or the grey one? Seungmin Self-admitting to being gremlins? You guys are so dumb. Felix I will bite you Jisung Or maybe the red one …. Sungie, stop stealing my hoodies! Jisung But they’re so soft! You’re the only one who wears them to bed. Felix Yeah, because most of us don’t wear anything to bed ;) Y/N I’m going to start stealing your hoodies as revenge >:( Jisung Don’t threaten me with a good time

0o0o0o0

“Okay, I might not have thought this completely through,” You admitted.

Hyunjin peeked over your shoulder. “Who’s Sophie?”

“A friend of mine,” You said, erasing what you had been typing. “I mentioned that I was in Korean and now she keeps asking me to send photos of all the places I go to so she can ‘live through me’.”

You did the air quotes with your fingers, and Hyunjin blinked at you slowly, looking far too much like Minho in that moment.

“Okay?”

“The problem is, I haven’t exactly been to many places,” You explained.

“We went to the museum,” he pointed out.

“Together,” You said slowly, pointing between you two. “I don’t have any pictures without you guys in it. She’s a Stay.”

Hyunjin tilted his head. “So you need more photos?”

You pouted, looking down at your phone. “Yeah. It would also be nice to visit some actual tourist attractions, you know?”

“Okay. Let’s go.”

You looked up at the dancer to find he was completely serious. He grabbed his phone and started towards the front door, looking back at you to make sure you were following.

“Wait, right now?” You exclaimed, stumbling out of your chair.

“Why not? I don’t have anything else to do today.”

You beamed at him. “Really?!”

Hyunjin reached out a hand for you, and he pulled you in close so he could grab your hip with one hand, using the other to raise your joined hands to his lips. He gave you a gentle kiss on the back of the hand, and then another on your forehead.

“I’m all yours.”

0o0o0o0

You wanted to surprise the boys. They had a long day; a couple meetings to discuss their next release, and then a video they had to film for some variety show program. They had texted you not to wait up, that they were going to be at the company building late that night, so you thought it would be a great idea to pop by to give them some goodnight kisses since you wouldn’t see them until the morning.

You thought you would be fine walking. You had taken the bus with a few of the boys before, knew the routes well, and it was only three actual minutes out on the street.

It just so happened that in those three minutes, the sky decided to open up like some kind of action movie.

To say you were soaked when you finally made it to the cover of the building would be putting it lightly. You were literally dripping, your shoes squelching with every step, and you refused to move from the entrance since it would end up with you spilling water all along the shiny marble floors, and the poor cleaning staff didn’t deserve to deal with that.

The secretary at the front entrance gave you a sympathetic look, offering to make the call for you since your own phone wasn’t turning on.

“Oh my god, are you okay?”

You shivered. “I feel like I almost drowned out there.”

Chan threw a jacket over your shoulders despite your protests that it would just get wet. And when you explained how you didn’t want to get water all over the floors, he proceeded to pick you up and carry you to the public restrooms like you were a child.

You weren’t sure whether to feel embarrassed or impressed.

“I don’t know what you’re hoping to achieve here.” You told him with a sigh as he set you down on the counter. “I’m still wet.”

Chan pulled his phone out, giving you a cheeky look as he dialed a number. You leaned in close to see if you make out who it was. Ever the gentleman, Chan put it on speakerphone.

It was Minho who picked up. “Hyung?”

“Hey, can you get me a change of clothes? Bring it down to the woman’s bathrooms in the lobby.”

Apparently, questions weren’t a thing for the second oldest, because he hung up a second later.

“You guys keep spare clothes at the company?”

“Sometimes we take showers here before heading home. They have better water pressure,” He explained, pulling his jacket off. He then proceeded to tug on your soaked shirt. “Come one, lets get these clothes off before you get sick.”

You helped him peel the wet fabric from your skin, the clothes seemingly having shrunk with the rain. “You just want an excuse to see me naked.”

“Guilty as charged,” He joked, although his eyes never strayed from your face.

He then used some of the paper towels to dry away any lingering moisture from your back and arms as you wrung your hair out in the sink, the strands getting frizzy as you tried to shake it dry. He didn’t hesitate to pull his own dry and warm shirt off for you to wear while you waited, although you didn’t have to wait long.

Minho walked into the bathroom without so much as a knock, acting as if it was an everyday occurrence to find Chan shirtless in the bathroom. From behind him, Jeongin followed like a lost puppy, waving his hand at you.

“Hi!”

“These were the smallest I could find,” Minho said, handing you a shirt and a pair of sweats that would probably fit.

“Thank you.”

You grabbed the clothes, and then stared at the three boys for much too long.

Chan was the first to realize. “Right! Sorry, we’ll let you get changed.”

“Damn,” Jeongin whispered.

“I told you they weren't going to let you watch,” Minho said with a sigh, pushing the younger singer towards the bathroom doors.

Your brain to mouth filters failed you in a moment of weakness. “I mean, I let you watch.”

Chan raised his brows in shock, Jeongin spinning around so hard that he almost knocked Minho onto the floor.

“You what!?”

Minho smirked. “Oh honey, you’re going to give them the wrong idea.”

Already more than aware of how it sounded, you looked away in embarrassment. Jeongin wasn’t backing out without a fight, however.

“When did you let him watch? I thought we agreed to go slow?”

“Ayen, dude. Chill,” Chan warned him. “We agreed to go at their pace.”

“We didn’t even do anything,” Minho added. “We only got ready for bed.”

Jeongin pouted, “Still-“

“Wait, what do you mean you agreed to go at my pace?” You asked, clothes long forgotten. The three of them shared a look that you could roughly translate to ‘oh fuck’. “Have you been talking behind my back?”

“I mean, we just figured it wouldn’t be fair to pressure you or anything. We didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Chan explained.

“Seriously?”

Minho titled his head to the side. “Is that not what you wanted?”

“You guys can be real idiots sometimes,” You hissed. “You do realize you guys can just ask me things, right? I mean … I thought since nobody brought it up that maybe ....”

Chan choked. “You thought we didn’t want to?”

“I don’t know! It’s not like we ever talked about this?!”

Finally having enough, Jeongin moved away from the other two boys, pushing his way up against the counter you were sitting on, in between your legs. He then pressed his hands against the counter on either side, leaning up into your space.

“Can I kiss you?”

You blinked, sucking in a breath of air that you held for just a second longer than normal. And then you grinned, eyes darting to the other two boys.

“Take notes, boys.”

For as cold as you had been only minutes before, Jeongin’s lips against yours made your entire body heat up to the point you felt like you were on fire. His skin was equally hot under your palm as you reached up to cup his jaw, tilting his head back farther so you could lean into him. He let out a groan at the sudden change in position, your hand slipping down to the back of his neck, fingers scratching along the skin.

Chan swore, and you smirked against Jeongin’s kiss, more aware of the fact you had an audience now. Something in you was brought to life at the idea of putting on a show, your legs coming up to wrap around Jeongin’s back and pull him in closer. You let out a moan of your own as his tongue pressed against your lips, opening up for him.

There was a hushed whisper, and then the sound of someone slapping the other as Minho giggled. You snorted, pushing away from Jeongin to bury your head in his shoulder.

“Aish. You guys really do have to ruin everything, don’t you,” The maknae complained, his hands sliding up your bare sides. You shivered as cold air reached your skin.

Chan sighed. “Alright, let them get changed. You two can have a good pash later.”

You watched them go with tingling lips, feeling a sense of satisfaction.

0o0o0o0

Soulmates

Y/N New phone, who dis Felix RIP your old phone, it will be forever missed At least it was a Samsung Changbin I know where you sleep Felix Yeah, with me XP Hyunjin Can’t believe your phone died in the rain like that Jeongin Still can’t believe Lee Know-hyung got to see you naked Hyunjin Now im worried everytime it starts to rain that the same thing will happen to my phone Wait, what? Y/N He didn’t see me naked! Felix I thought we agreed to go slow?! Chan We agreed to go at their pace! Jisung HOW COME I HAVENT GOTTEN TO SEE ANYBODY NAKED! T>T Y/N HE HASN’T SEE ME NAKED! Minho Yet Y/N O.O

0o0o0o0

Dinner with the boys was quickly becoming an everyday tradition. While not all the boys were available all the time due to their solo schedules, you could always count on someone inviting you over to eat.

Today, it was surprisingly at the 3racha dorm and not at the maknae’s. Danceracha was busy working on some choreo, and Chan had decided to take the night off, leaving him in charge of dinner. Seungmin and Jeongin showed up early enough to help out, but they were more of a hinderance to the elder’s attempts at fried rice, stealing food and distracting him with random questions every time they strayed into the kitchen.

It only took half an hour before everyone except you and Changbin (the only two who were actually helping) were banned from the kitchen. Jisung pouted at you from the couch when you passed the kitchen doorway. You winked at him.

“Like actual children, I swear,” Chan sighed, taking the salt offered out of your hands. “Thanks.”

You couldn’t keep the smile off your face. “You poor thing. How do you put up with them?”

“I don’t know.”

“Hey, not all of us are bad,” Changbin mumbled, carefully shaking the salad he was working on so that the veggies mixed together without flying out.

You plucked a tomato out of the bowl. “Yeah! Some of us are worse.”

“Out!” Chan yelled at you with a laugh, Changbin complaining about the stolen tomato with a high-pitched whine.

You giggled the entire way out, collapsing onto the couch next to the maknae, who didn’t waste any time latching onto you like an octopus. “I’ve been banished, my fellow thieves.”

Jisung and Seungmin both frowned, the English words unfamiliar to them. What proceeded was the most chaotic English lesson you ever tried to give, with the word banished quickly finding it’s translation, but the concept of ‘fellow’ throwing them off.

“It’s like, something you share in common. We all stole food,” You explained.

“Ahh. So, I can say ‘my fellow friends’?” Jisung tried.

“Mhh, it makes sense. Just sounds weird.”

“My fellow soulmates?” Jeongin tested, his accent heavy against your neck. You squirmed.

“I don’t think that one works. Kind of implies you guys are all soulmates with each other, instead of just sharing one.”

“One soulmate is more than enough,” Seungmin said with a grimace.

“Aww hyung, you don’t want to be my soulmate?” Jeongin teased.

You expected a deadpan answer, something to make you all laugh in the way he normally did. But Seungmin actually paused, tilting his head towards the youngest in thought.

“I guess being your soulmate wouldn’t be so bad,” he admitted.

“Awww.” You and Jisung both teased, and Seungmin rolled his eyes.

“Better than the others, for sure.”

“Ya! I better not be included in that,” Changbin yelled as he poked his head out of the kitchen. “Come help me set the table.”

With the human octopus still clinging to you, it was hard for you to get up. The other two abandoned you with snickers when you cried for their help, and it was only when you agreed to stay with him tonight that Jeongin finally let you go.

He held your hand under the table all night (thankfully not the one you used to eat with), and only let you go to your apartment to change with the promise you’d meet him at his dorm.

Felix and Hyunjin were on the couch when you arrived, both of them watching something on a phone between them. Felix looked like he was already half asleep, only managing to smile at you sleepily. Hyunjin flapped his hands at you.

“Help me get him to bed?”

You glanced at the hallway, and figured Jeongin could wait a few more minutes.

Between the two of you, it was more than easy to guide Felix to his bedroom. It was, however, difficult to do so without alerting the others to your presence, as you discovered Jeongin pouting at you from Felix’s doorway when you finished tucking in the young dancer. Hyunjin immediately took your spot on the bed, wrapping himself around the other boy with a hum.

“Thank you,” He whispered out to you, blowing you a kiss.

Jeongin wrapped his arms protectively around you the moment you were close enough for him to reach. “I thought he was going to steal you.”

“Never. I’m all yours,” You joked, glancing back at the blond-haired duo. Hyunjin was running his fingers through Felix’s hair, eyes soft as he looked down at his friend. “Besides, I don’t to ruin whatever they’ve got going on.”

“Hmm. Maybe they should have been soulmates instead,” Jeongin teased.

You blinked, thoughts beginning to run through your head. “Maybe.”

_o-o_o-o_o-o_o-o_o-o_o-o_

Taglist: (if you wish to be added or removed, please let me know)

@kayleefriedchicken @dessianna1 @tryingtolivelifeblog @luvvvash @purplelady85 @jc003

[burntheedges]

Pas de Deux Chapter 7

Din Djarin x f!reader | 2.4k | fic masterlist | main masterlist | ao3

chapter summary: How will your next practice go, now that you've talked?

a/n: so what will dancing together be like now? Posting early because I'm traveling later today. See my notes at the end and on the masterlist about reader in this fic and ballet in general. Thank you @katareyoudrilling for being the best beta, as always!!

chapter tags/warnings: gen, ballet terms (see end notes and the masterlist for definitions and videos), fluff!!!, more talking

Chapter 7

By Monday, you were exhausted and most of you hurt, but you walked into morning class with a smile playing around your mouth.

You’d nailed Hermia, and you didn’t think you could feel better about it. Adrian had already tackled you in a hug the day before, after the third performance — thankfully already out of his glittery Puck costume. (Or Elena and Max, the costume heads, would have been pissed.) But he’d been amazing, too, and you told him so. 

As you put on your shoes for barre, you felt someone come up and stand next to your spot along the wall. You looked up and saw black shoes and black tights, and smiled.

“Hi, Din,” you said, looking up to meet his gaze.

His face was as expressionless as always, but you could have sworn the corner of his mouth lifted just slightly when your eyes met. It was small, but it was there.

“Morning,” he greeted you softly. “You were amazing this weekend.”

You grinned as you moved to stand. He offered his hand and you took it. “You saw?” You hadn’t seen him in the wings or the audience, but that didn’t mean anything — it was a packed house for all three performances.

He nodded, squeezing your hand before letting it drop. “Yesterday. I brought Grogu, too, he loved it. But we couldn’t stay after, so I couldn’t look for you to tell you how good you were. You captured her perfectly. I could feel her confusion and turmoil.” He turned to walk towards his spot at the barre and you moved with him. “It felt so… tormented. I could almost see her indecision.”

You smiled and ducked your head as you reached the barre. You grasped it in both hands and leaned into it a little. “Um, thanks.” You looked up at him and found his gaze was soft behind his mask. “It did feel good. I was really happy with it.”

He nodded at you. “You should be. It was beautiful.” He paused for a moment, looking at you, and you couldn’t think of a single thing to say in response.

Din opened his mouth to say something else, but Alexa called out for everyone to start, and you started to move towards your spot at the barre next to his. 

“Hey,” he said, reaching out to catch your arm. “Can we meet tomorrow? After lunch. To rehearse.”

You nodded. “Tomorrow.” 

…

On Tuesday, Din told you he’d reserved one of the tiny practice rooms set aside for just that purpose. You promised you’d meet him there. As he stepped away, Adrian stepped up to fill the space. You narrowed your eyes at him.

“Were you just lurking there, listening in?”

“Obviously,” he rolled his eyes. “What’s the practice room for?”

You laughed. “We’re going to work on the pas de deux, before rehearsal on Thursday.”

He waggled his eyebrows at you and you elbowed him. “Oof. Rude. It sounds like things are going better, then?”

You nodded. “I think so. We haven’t tried it again, yet, but I think it’s going to work better, this time.” You’d already told him all about your conversation with Din, leaving out the personal details Din had shared. You didn’t think he’d want you to spread those around.

“Good.”

Alexa called out to Adrian and you moved off, waving as you turned into the hallway. 

…

As you walked towards the room Din had reserved for you, you couldn’t help but notice how different you felt, compared to your walk to rehearsal, so full of dread the week before. 

You found the small room, tucked away at the end of the rehearsal hall and around the corner. You almost never came back here, you realized. 

Din was already inside, fiddling with the sound system.

“Hey, Din,” you said, smiling when he turned to look at you. You closed the door and moved to join him. “Did you go home for lunch?”

He nodded. “Grogu had a half day today, so I got to eat lunch with him.” He smiled — just a small thing, but the obvious difference from how he was in class warmed you. 

“That’s great,” you said, and sat to put on your shoes. “I’m sure he was excited to see you.”

Din made a small noise, and you looked up. He was smiling a bit bigger, and you realized he had laughed, just a bit. You grinned. “He was. He said he talked about the ballet at school and danced for his teacher.”

You laughed. “That’s so cute, oh my god.”

Din ducked his head and you thought you saw an even wider smile take over his mouth.  You looked down at your shoes to keep yourself from staring. He looked good when he smiled. (He looked good all the time.)

You cut off your own thoughts, moving to stand. “So, did you have something in mind for today?” You asked.

He nodded. “I was thinking, what if we talk through what we have so far? I’d like to hear how you think about it. What you’re feeling and how you want to show that. I think that would help me.”

You blinked. “Sure. I can do that. And I want to hear from you, what you’re thinking is going on in your character’s head. That’s how I usually start — what is she thinking? And how can I show that, in my body? Should it be obvious or subtle? And then the emotion can come out in so many different ways… but I always start from what she’s thinking.”

Din looked thoughtful. “I usually do think about that, too, but I guess I haven’t had as much freedom before. In terms of what I can do with it.”

That made sense, based on what you knew of CBC. But something about what he said caught your attention. “Din… what if we use that. In the dance.”

He tilted his head at you and leaned against the barre. “What do you mean?”

“Well, we know Kuiil wants our characters to learn from each other and then create something new together, right? Or form a new connection that affects each other.” He nodded. “Ok, so what if your character becomes freer or more open over the course of the performance?”

His eyebrows flew upwards. “Oh.” He sounded like he was as struck by the idea as you had been a moment before.

You nodded. “Yes! And so you could start from something more familiar and change, over the course of the dance. And that’s what we could work on. So you’re not starting from something so new, but instead growing towards it. Maybe we could even work that in, that my character is sort of drawing yours out? It would add to the back and forth between us, and the give and take. And I could even mirror you a bit, to invite you in! Your reactions could sort of waiver towards and away from the openness my character is inviting you to have. Right? Between acceptance and rejection. What do you think?” You ran out of breath, and you knew your hope for him to agree must have been showing on your face. Now that you’d had the idea, you were attached to it. It seemed perfect.

He looked down, and you bit your lip. “Din—“

But then he looked up, and he looked relieved. He nodded. “I like it. I think that’s perfect. And it will feel like so much less pressure. I think I was getting too in my head about getting it right from the beginning.”

“Oh, good! Ok, great.” You reached out and squeezed his arm. Almost immediately he covered your hand with his free one and pressed down gently. You couldn’t help but notice how big his hand was, as it covered yours, and you felt your face heat up and ignored it. You needed to get used to touching each other, anyway. “I think this will be good, Din. We can do this.”

You were standing so close, you realized, since you’d reached out to touch him and he’d held you there. You hesitated. “So, do you want to start by talking it through?”

He nodded. For a moment he didn’t move, but then he squeezed your hand again before releasing it and stepping away. “Let’s start from when we first see each other.”

You nodded and moved to join him in the center of the small room. As you began, you could feel it. This would work. 

…

Rehearsal on Thursday was so different, you could tell Kuiil was both surprised and over the moon with excitement.

From the moment the music started, you could feel it. You and Din were still dancing separately, still “meeting” each other in character, but you were working together. Something had shifted, since you talked and practiced and began to work together. And it might not be what it needed to be yet, but it was so much better than what it was before.

You could feel him moving across the space with you, and it was like a tentative connection formed between you that you could pull taut and release. It was almost like you were listening for each other, taking cues from changes in each other’s breath or even small movements. His body would echo one part of the music, and yours would follow another in response. You extended your leg, and something in the way he moved his shoulders responded to it. He turned, and you spun around, meeting him from a different angle. It felt good. It was new, but it was there. 

You ran through it once, and Kuiil looked like he might actually cry, or jump for joy.

“Oh, yes, yes!” He said, coming towards you in the middle of the room. He rested his hands on his hips and looked between you, smiling widely. “Yes, I knew it — I can see it forming within and between you. Well done, both of you. Could you feel it?”

You and Din both nodded, and he gestured widely with his arms. “Of course you could! The energy, you have found it. You are building it.” He nodded again. “I can see that you have talked, and settled more into your characters. Now we can truly get to work.”

And so you did.

…

February began to fly by, much faster than January, and with much more ease. You and Din found a rhythm together that actually worked. You were friendly, in the mornings in class, though he still hid behind his mask around the rest of the company. And then you started to become something more like actual friends when you were alone or rehearsing with Kuiil. 

Din seemed more comfortable with you than he had before, and that comfort allowed him to open up in a way you hadn’t seen him do yet in his dancing. Kuill began to focus on the second movement, when your characters circled each other, and you could see Din relaxing his form and beginning to open his movements beyond the emotionless technique that had been drilled into him at CBC. It was beautiful to watch — you were so impressed with him.

Two weeks later, rehearsals for Swan Lake had picked up, and so had your rehearsals for the pas de deux.

Kuill had just walked you through the crescendo of the second movement, which involved jumps, some partnered turns, and a complicated lift section. It wasn’t the first time Din lifted you in the choreography, but it was the first time you needed to rely on him and his support so completely, with two lifts and transition into a different hold. 

It wasn’t your first time being lifted by a partner, of course, but it was your first time doing something like this with Din. There was always a moment, when partnering with someone new, when you found out just how much you actually trusted each other. You didn’t need to be best friends to dance together well, but you did need to trust in the support of your partner. 

You shook out your arms and legs and rolled your shoulders. You trusted Din. He wasn’t hidden behind that expressionless mask anymore, not with you. I can do this.

Kuill started the music, and you twirled into action, leaping past Din. He caught your hand as you began to move away and spun you around him. You “fell” into a collapsed position over his arm, allowing the spin, and then he guided you upwards with light touches into an arabesque. He tugged you forward through traveling turns that crossed the stage, squeezing your hip just at the right moment to let you know when to stop. Finally you attempted to pull away, and he pulled you back and spun you in a circle into a tour jeté lift. As you landed he turned you again and lifted you upwards into a horizontal spin that finished with your hands resting on his shoulders as you stretched your legs into a fully extended split, perpendicular to the ground. You paused there, for just a moment, before he lifted you by your hips and then brought you back down gently. You sprang away instantly.

The music stopped, and you turned back to look at Din, breathing hard. You were both grinning. You froze, staring at how it transformed his face. He was beautiful. 

Kuill called out that that the lift was perfect, but that he wanted you to work on the build up to it. You almost couldn’t listen to him. You were too caught up in the feelings running through your body.

You’d never experienced anything like that before. The first attempt, and it was perfect — Din had lifted you seemingly effortlessly, and his hands had gone exactly where they needed to go. You’d communicated with each other through touch with ease. You had felt fully supported and able to truly perform to the music, even when in the air. You felt amazing. And you could see on Din’s face that he felt it, too.

“My dear?” Kuiil asked, stepping up beside you. 

You tore your eyes away from Din’s, finally, and realized you’d probably missed what he said. “Sorry! Again?” 

Kuiil nodded, and you ignored his knowing smile. He looked almost smug. “Again,” he agreed, and you stepped back towards Din.

When you looked at him again, you found he hadn’t looked away from you. “Again,” he murmured, echoing Kuiil. The look in his eyes made your breath catch.

It went just as well the second time. 

…

prev | next

a/n: such improvement!

Partnering: so in this chapter we get an extended partnering sequence. I tried to find moments that looked like what I was picturing for each piece, and they’re linked above (and they should take you to the right spot in each video) – the hand grab, the traveling turns, communication while partnering, a tour jete lift, and the lift into the split. I hope it makes sense! This video has a bit more about partnered turns (though they’re doing traveling ones here) and this one has more about what the guy is doing with his hands during those turns. I linked to different spots in this one a couple of times but the video overall is great because Mira Nadon shares some really interesting thoughts about what it’s like to work with a new partner. 

I’m going to talk more about Swan Lake next week because it’s more of a focus in the next chapter. 🦢

[iridessence]

I would like to take a moment to acknowledge myself and say that I am elated and proud to have manifested some of my major goals since 2018-2019. Basically before then, 2014-16 I struggled with depression and suicidal ideation quite frequently due to not having steady income, as jobs in retail seemed the only available and “safe” options, but long shifts standing at a registers or posts were damagingly hard on my body. In 2017 I got a desk job that set me on the path of financial stability and reduced physical load, which did absolute wonders for my mental health but it was an absolute blight to my existence over time due to terrible management and the usual corporate garbage. I knew that staying there was fine for a time but not sustainable in the long run, so change must come eventually.

also around then, I continued to explore self portraiture and personal style but I really wanted to perform/create Burlesque acts and book them, and invest in and actually have choreography/technique and beautiful costume pieces that looked like the visions refining themselves in my head through research. I was also perpetually struggling in the dating sphere with the deficit of romantic fulfillment that I deeply wanted. and while they weren’t hostile, things were definitely weird with my family (dysfunctional, literal small town energy, upset that I didn’t want to be around them more in the suburbs but lots of interpersonal toxicity and lack of emotional growth).

I knew that in the coming years I wanted to…

quit my soul sucking job and set out to be a full-time or at least professional level burlesque performer, creating the qualitative and classic show girl acts I dream to see on stage

work on the floor at a boutique or mom-and-pop type shop that sells goods or services that are interesting to me, especially aesthetically, such as an antique shop or a jewelry boutique etc., but a place where I could sit intermittently as needed for my physical disability. Also, ideally it would be a position where I could express myself through style at my choosing and it would be received well, and also my hours would not be very early or very late.

find a loving and supporting partner who I could lavish equal amounts of love and support on to, live with and hopefully marry

Achieve/maintain financial stability enough that I have a reduced risk for homelessness and sometimes treat myself to things that I enjoy.

Figure out why the relationship with my family was such a struggle and do things within my power and desire to fix it.

In a world that isn’t a corporate machine devoid of empathy, none of that seems like a tall order to ask… but I live in America so… It took some time, but I’m starting to see the fruits and returns. Honestly sometimes things feel like a blur and I’m not exactly sure I could say there was a huge system to what I did overtime to make it work, but I know the work was there.

As of today, September 9, 2023:

I am a respected professional burlesque performer with costumes I figuratively gag over and acts that come closer and closer to hitting the aesthetic nail on the head for what I want to embody. (I quit that shitty desk job at the beginning of 2019 and haven’t looked back since. Sent a whole ass company wide message with a long and detailed “fuck you” too.😂🙈)

i’ve managed through burlesque, social media work, donations and savings, and —since the global pandemic—,odd jobs and grants/minimal loans, to continuously pay rent and ward off homelessness 

I live with the love of my life, to whom I am engaged and actively planning our wedding (we looked at a venue yesterday!)

I’ve helped my mom on the growth of her emotional intelligence and commitment to learning more about values under the race, gender, and sexuality umbrella, as well pushed her to examine the enabling and entitlement dynamics with her adult children that take advantage of her. While my relationship with my brother and sister is not great, my relationship with my mom has been steadily getting better since the pandemic. we had a breakthrough at the beginning of this year where she acknowledged and apologized for guilt tripping me for not being around the family more, when I was (she quoted) “actually protecting myself like she should have been.”

and litcherally within the past week I was offered the job at a local boutique I interviewed with a year ago and didn’t get, and I signed an offer letter to begin work within the month. 

To say I’m happy with the way things look right now is an understatement. The world still terrifies me, but I have no choice but to carve out a sliver of its beautiful experiences for myself, and I am doing just that. It may not be perfection, but it’s pretty damn good and I’m going to do everything in my power to keep it that way and make it even better. I am living my ancestors' wildest dreams!!

for anyone reading who might be struggling right now to make things work, I hope you hold on to hope that it can get better. A beautiful life is possible even on this hell scape, even for the marginalized.

[raccoonsface]

“T-Tara?” Pt.2

____________——————————____________

Words- About 750

Warnings- angst or fluff, idk tbh. Swearing, idk what else

Just to say some stuff, I lost my other emails’ password and that email was connected to my other account so I’m on this one now. Sorry for being gone for so long too!

Summary- Y/n and Tara have a crush on each other and go to great lengths to make sure they have them all to themselves.

————————______________———————-

Part 1

______________————————_____________

“Jeez the suns out early”

Tara has just woken up from her sleep, she was tired from all the running around yesterday.

She almost falls back asleep because of it but then she turns over and takes a look at her clock

“SHIT! ITS 10:30 AM IM LATE FOR SCHOOL”

She rushes to get all of her stuff packed so she can make it to school before lunch, which is at 11:30, so it shouldn’t be that hard… right?

“Okay I’m fucked… I can’t find my keys.”

Oh Well she’s fucked

————————______________———————-

______________————————_____________

Tara’s POV

“I’m gonna fucking die”

I’m not gonna make it there in time, come on Tara run faster. Damn it’s hot out

Fuck I didn’t bring my inhaler, again?!What the fuck Tara, you’re gonna die on the side of the street. I’ve gotta sit down, yeah the sidewalk under this tree looks fine.

“Damn two days in a row”

Is this heaven? Ugh it’s too bright here.

“Hah, no this isn’t heaven Tara” oh it’s Y/n

“Well if it isn’t then what am I doing looking at a goddess” damn what’s going on right now

“Geez don’t you got the pick up lines when you’re literally gasping for air”

She’s funny, and really pretty

“Okay, Tara here you go” Her and that extra inhaler

I mean it definitely feels way better when I can breathe that’s for sure, but every time I look at her I loose my breath anyways so I don’t really see the point in it.

“You good Tara?” So kind

“Huh, oh yeah” me and my dumbass self

“Okay good… what are you doing running out here with a backpack on anyways?” Looking for a princess like you

“Oh- uhm I’m running late for school”

“Huh, I didn’t know there was school on Saturdays” shit of course it’s Saturday, that’s why my alarm didn’t go off.

“Oh… I forgot it was Saturday” oh my god you sound like an idiot Tara!

“Huh, well you need a ride to get home?” I think I’m gonna faint

“Uhm I mean if you’re willing to” Oh. My. God.

“I mean if you want me to” of course I do beautiful.

“Uh I mean yeah sure”

“Okay, yeah, alright uhm my cars over there”

“Right! Right, I gotta get up” oh my god she’s reaching out her hand towards me, oh I’m gonna die when I get home

“Thanks”

“Yeah, no problem” She seems kinda shy.. it’s probably nothing I’m over analyzing

“Damn this car seat is comfy” no like holy shit this is comfy

“Yeah, I know, they’re custom seats.” Of course they are

“Anyways where do you live?” Oh right!

“Oh uhm it’s uhh” me and my damn it stuttering

“You wanna go eat instead? I mean you must be hungry from all that running, and I don’t mean to-“ aww she’s so cute I can’t believe I survived without her before

“I’d love to go out with you- I mean yeah I’m down to go eat with you” what the hell Tara

“Huh, right, anyways where should we go?” Shit I don’t know

“Uhm, let’s go tooooooo…” I have no idea where to go eat

“How about we drive around and figure out where to eat..?” Phew!

“Yeah I think that’s probably the better idea” she’s really smart… she could be my wife..

OKAY NO Tara get yourself together. You cannot do this. But she’s so perfect.. maybe just maybe. I can’t even fight it anymore.. I need her. I need Y/n.

————————______________———————-

Oh my god. A lot has happened in the past two months. The meaning behind this new account is between the warnings and the summary at the top.

Sorry for the short post! They’ll be way more sooner!

I have a three part series for Astrid Deetz, the last two parts will probably come out after the movie is released because I can’t really get much off of her character just from the trailer

Anyways hope you guys have had a nice day!

[xxresi-rotxx]

Avoiding You- L.S. Kennedy (pt. 1)

Warnings: Angst, self-doubt, insecurity (only a bit), heartache 

Summary: You thought you & Leon were on the same page, so you went for it...turns out he didn’t feel the way you thought... 

(This was definitely supposed to be posted yesterday, but my fiancé took me out to the country to see cows and I had no service😂😭the cows were def worth it tho 👀❤️)

Word Count: 1.9k

Part 2

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How were you going to avoid him? It wasn’t going to be easy seeing as you were both posted on the same mission right now. Ughhh how could you have misread him so wrong?? You were sure he had feelings for you. He would always insist on being your partner on missions, he would flirt with you endlessly, he was always just there. 

You tried to take your mind out of the situation for a minute. Was he babying you? Was that it? Not that he wanted to spend time with you, but that he felt it necessary to go with you for the mission to run smoothly? Was he just mocking you all those times you thought he was flirting? 

You couldn’t think about it any longer. You were beyond embarrassed. You tried to kiss him and he pulled away, no need for a clearer sign of him not liking you that way. The embarrassment wasn’t the worst part though. Your heartache hurt much, much worse. 

You actually hadn’t seen him since. You’d requested to be debriefed alone, took watch opposite the time he did, and every time you’d catch a glimpse of that dirty blonde hair, you’d go in any other direction. 

It was obvious to Leon that you were avoiding him and doing a pretty damn good job of it too. Probably for the best at this point, he wasn’t even sure what he would say to you. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been three days of you successfully avoiding Leon when a wrench got thrown into your plans. There was a break in the mission, and everyone stationed with you had to be present for the current debriefing. 

You sat on the folding chair arms crossed, and legs extended out in front of you, boots covered in dirt. You kept your eyes trained on your boots, not bothering to look up when anyone entered the tent, for fear of making direct eye contact with Leon. 

You recognized his boots anywhere and your body froze waiting for them to pass you. You swear you saw a slight hesitation in his step as he walked by you, but at this point you could have imagined it. You didn’t really trust your mind anymore when it came to Leon. 

He noticed the way you kept your head down the whole time people were coming in and wished that you didn’t. He hadn’t missed the fact that it’d been three days since he saw you, and by the looks of it after this meeting he’d go back to not seeing you again. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The debriefing dragged on. You had been zoned out most of the time, only paying attention when you heard key words that pertained to you. Your ears perked up at the mention of a certain name. 

“We’re sending Leon out on this one, if that’s alright with you agent.”

Did they really just saw the name you thought you heard? Why would we ever be trusting enough to work with her?

“Fine by me.”

God even his voice hurt you; it was so deep and smooth, no trace of anything but confidence. Something you had been lacking the past few days and it made you furious. 

You trained yourself early on that your mind was the strongest tool you could have in a job like this, if your mind went then so did you. You were a good shot, had fast reflexes, and were overall a pretty nice person. You never gave much time to insecurities; you were pretty enough by your own definition and were confident in your abilities as an agent. But lately? All you could do was drown in your own thoughts. 

Were you not a good enough agent? Were you too boring? Too short? Not busty enough? It was killing you. It had become your minds constant priority to figure out why he didn’t want to kiss you back and now that they were sending Leon out to meet with Ada...your mind wouldn’t shut up. 

It was no secret to the whole department that Leon had history with Ada. They were both raccoon city survivors no matter what way you looked at it. 

Was she Leon’s type? An obvious red flag, toxic, double-crossing bitch? At least that’s how you categorized her. 

Your heartache was starting to morph into jealousy at the thought of Leon being with Ada in such close proximity to you. 

It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter.  

You kept that mantra in your head, maybe if you said it enough you could convince yourself that it really didn’t matter. 

As soon as the debriefing was over you were the first one to get up and leave. 

You didn’t have to patrol today, or investigate, or do anything really besides stay on alert thank God. 

You grabbed your shotgun and a full box of ammo and made off for the trees. You had an overwhelming urge to prove yourself and shut your brain up. 

You were a good agent, a good person, and a damn good shot. You were determined to remind yourself of that and fuck Leon Kennedy if he didn’t think so. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You had been shooting for the better half of the day. Deciding to call it quits when you had depleted all of your ammo and saw the sun begin to set.

You were a good mile away from the base when you heard the faint crunch of what sounded like footsteps. You threw your shotgun around your back and jumped up just enough to grab the nearest branch to you. Quickly pulling your body weight up and doing the same thing over again until you were high enough up you were sure you were out of sight. 

Quietly cursing yourself for not bringing a better precision weapon with you. 

It had been what felt like ten minutes, and you hadn’t heard another sound since. Maybe whoever it was heard you too?

You’d decided it was safe enough for you to get down from the tree and begin walking again and you couldn’t have been more wrong. 

You wished you hadn’t seen it, fuck how you wished you hadn’t seen it. 

At the edge of the trees right before the clearing you saw him.

Back against one of the trees with Ada up against him. Unless the information we needed was in her mouth, you were pretty sure this wasn’t part of his mission. 

Why did this shit have to hurt so much? Maybe it was the realization he really never saw you this way. You put yourself out there and got rejected and now you realized why. If that was his type, you never stood a chance. 

You kept on your path back to base, not bothering to look behind you. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A week had passed since you saw Leon kissing Ada and the only thing that’s changed is your shot. Near perfect with your shotgun now, so at least you had that going for you. 

Everything else was still the same. Your heart fucking ached, you’ve avoided the man at all costs, and this mission was nowhere near over. 

You had gathered some pretty good intel though and were feeling rather confident about one of your leads. 

You were about to enter your superior's tent when his voice had you frozen...again. 

“I’ll let you know when I come into contact sir.” 

“It shouldn’t be taking this long Kennedy, any longer and we aren’t going to need whatever it is she says she has.” 

Were they talking about Ada? You were unfortunately positive Leon had come into contact with her. 

Feeling a little more confident in yourself you decided not to bother waiting outside the tent. 

“Captain” you greeted upon entering, “Kennedy” you greeted upon making eye contact with the son of a bitch. This was the first time in almost ten days that you had finally come face to face with him, and it did nothing to help the burning in your chest. You couldn’t even bring yourself to say his first name.

“Yes Y/N what is it? We’re done here Leon” your captain spoke dismissing Leon.

“I have a lead I’d like to follow sir, according to my intel it should be quite lucrative.” 

“What lead?” You turned your head around to see Leon, half outside the tent and half inside, as if your words had halted his movement. 

You turned your attention back to your captain before proceeding. 

“All due respect sir, I’d like to keep this information from as many ears as I can.” 

With that Leon was fully back inside now, not only inside but right beside you. 

“Leon’s the best agent we have Y/N,” your captain spoke, painfully reminding you of the obvious “I’m sure he’d be a help to you. Continue.” 

“Alright,” you glanced at your captain & then at Leon, who’s eyes looked deadly as he focused them on you, “long story short I know where the bioweapons are being kept. I’d like to check out this lead sir.” 

“Where did you get a lead like that?” Leon interjected. 

Your blood was boiling now. Couldn’t he just leave you alone? Didn’t he get he was the last person you wanted to see? Not like he’d care either way, but did he have to question your judgement when it came to the mission now? 

“I have my sources Kennedy.” 

“Kennedy now?” He scoffed. 

“It is your last name is it not?”

You held his eye contact, refusing to back down on this. 

“Permission granted agent.” You turned your head back to your captain, thrilled he was giving you the green light. “You both are dismissed.” 

You pushed passed Leon who refused to get out of your way and left the tent. Heading back to yours to get prepared for tonight. That’s when you’d make your move and check out this lead. 

“Hey hold up!” Leon grabbed your wrist and pulled slightly, forcing you to turn around and look at him. “Where the hell did you get a lead like this?”

“Relax” you pulled your wrist out of his grip “I’ve followed protocol, I haven’t jeopardized anything.” 

“That isn’t what I asked Y/N.” You noticed how tight his jaw was and how tense he seemed to look; did he hate you now? Was that it?

“I heard what you said Kennedy, and I’m not justifying it with an answer.”

You began to walk away only for him to follow you. 

“And why the hell not? Did you seriously lose trust in me because of what happened almost two weeks ago?” He spat. 

No. He did not have a right to be angry about that. 

“I lost trust in you Leon when I saw you gathering information from someone you claimed you haven’t made contact with yet!” You spat right back at him, noting the way his face changed into a look of shock at the fact you saw him that night.

You needed to reign yourself in, this wasn’t good. You were pissed, beyond pissed, and normally when your emotions got the better of you, they ALL got the better of you and you’d be damned to cry in front of this man now. 

Before you might have, but now? Never. 

You turned back around and continued on your way back to your tent, not bothering to notice that Leon hadn’t moved an inch. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why am I having so much fun writing this?! Part two is going to be more exciting I promise 😘

[itsgiovanna]

another side of you

pairing: fem!reader x rúben dias

type: one-shot

summary: you’ve been dating your boyfriend, jake, for three years. your relationship seems solid, but recently jake’s behavior has turned toxic, marked by jealousy and rudeness. complicating things, jake is friends with rúben dias, someone you definitely don’t get along with. but, when your relationship becomes too much, rúben reveals a protective and caring side that is completely new to you and him.

notes: this is my first one-shot with rúben, yay! hope you guys like it and i’m really open for doing a pt. 2 if this one goes well :) enjoy and let me know what you think in the comments! 🤍

warnings: abusive relationship, cursing, fluff.

face claim: dekota thompson

When you see couples kissing, laughing and having a great time together, it looks perfect. But, the truth is, it’s a lot messier than that. When you hit the three-year mark, things can get really tough, the excitement of those early days fades, couples start fighting for little stupid things that didn’t matter before. Well, you wished that having a discussion about who’s going to do the dishes was the problem with your boyfriend, Jake. He’s one of those guys who’s wonderful at the beginning, he used to bring you flowers, write sweet notes on post-it’s and take time to listen to you about a rough day at work. Now, it’s just a blank, it doesn’t even look like you both live in the same apartment anymore, not to mention he’d get unexpected angry with you.

“Where have you been, Y/N?” he says to you with a heavy tone, you try to hide the tiredness in your face and prepare for one of the many discussions you’ll have with him.

“We’re still working on that new project, I told you I’d be getting home at this time, it’s the only way we can finish it.” you go to the kitchen and hear his footsteps getting closer.

“It’s always work with you, do you really expect me to believe that?” as you turn around, Jake has his arms crossed and a rinkle on his forehead.

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you, Jake. I’m just really tired, I don’t feel like doing this all over again.” you try to leave, but feel his hand tightening on your arm. “Please, Jake.” your voice trembles.

“Don’t make me argue with you again about your lies. If you ever give me a reason, I won’t be the one who suffers.” you’re feeling a knot in your throat, but letting him see the tears would be worse.

“I won’t, Jake.” you try to look as calm as possible.

“Good.” he looks at you with disgust before letting go of your arm, it’ll probably have a bruise in the morning but you’ve learned how to hide it with concealer. “Don’t wait up, I’m going out.”

“What?” you ask, quietly, as he’s looking for his keys and opening the door.

“Are you deaf or something, Y/N?” he laughs.

“N-No, I just thought we’d spend some time together.” it’s like deep down, you still had hope he’d change, like at the beggining of your relationship, when everything was more than perfect.

“Don’t be stupid, I’d never miss Rúben’s party.” Jack says, opening the door and leaving, like if you’re nothing to him.

Of course, the Portuguese you can’t stand.

(…)

The sound of the alarm wakes you up, it’s early in the morning but, surprisingly, you’re very much happier to be up at this time. After a quick shower, trying to shake off yesterday’s worries, you’re headed over to the kitchen pouring yourself a cup of coffee and a slice of bread, the crunch offers a small comfort.

After finishing, you’re ready to go to work.

You walk down the hallway, hitting the button of the elevator and waiting for the doors to slide open, the weather is chilly in Manchester and a cold breeze is felt as soon as you’re outside the building.

At work, you settle into your desk, and Lily, your best friend, sits down next to you.

“Hey, you.” she smiles, giving you a side hug.

“Hey, Lils.” you try to sound happy, but she knows you too well.

“Ok, you’re gonna tell me what happened.” she turns her chair to you, with her arms crossed and, clearly, worried.

“It’s nothing… We had an argument because I was late, you know how it goes.” you don’t wanna look at Lily and, suddenly, the post-it in front of you looks more interesting.

“Y/N, you deserve way better than this.” Lily reaches and squeezes your arm, but the pain expression on your face makes the woman open her mouth in disbelief. “H-He hurted you.”

“Lily, it’s ok.” you try to explain but she is still in shock.

“This is not right, Y/N!“ she practically screams, but you cover her mouth.

“Yes, but.” you sigh. “Jake cares about me and, sometimes, he just gets jealous, that’s all.” you try to stupidly explain the situation to her.

“Jealousy isn’t love. You deserve someone who makes you feel safe, not scared.” she’s brutally honest, making you feel sick to your stomach. “You can’t ignore what’s happening, Y/N. A bruise, then what? A punch?”

“What if he changes? Maybe if we talk…” you try to convince yourself, but even with such weak self-esteem, it’s hard to believe it’s going to happen.

“I get that, but imagine how much easier life could be without the worry and fear.” she holds your hand. “Please, promise you’ll think about it.”

“Ok.” you nod, but still vulnerable.

(…)

“This place is fun. I’m glad we came out tonight.” You feel a wave of happiness wash over you. It’s been ages since Jake invited you out, and you’ve missed those carefree nights together.

“Yeah, but you could’ve dressed better. People talk, Y/N. Especially when I’ve got influence.”

Jake’s words cut deeper than you’d like to admit. He’s a manager for some of Manchester United’s players, and his status means a lot. He’s right; people do notice, and his reputation hinges on appearances. But, you don’t say anything. You can’t. You’ve learned that challenging him only leads to more anger, and the last thing you want is to set him off. So, you force a smile, trying to brush it off, even though you feel smaller and more exposed than ever.

Just as you’re trying to ignore Jake’s comment, the door swings open, and a group of men walks in. You don’t quite recognize, but Jake’s face lights up at the sight of them.

“Mate, over here!” Jake calls out, waving at them. He’s suddenly in a great mood, like he forgot all about what just happened. “Thought I’d bring some friends to liven things up,” he says, glancing at you. “Hope you don’t mind.” Jake smirks, clearly enjoying himself.

As the night drags on, you can’t shake the feeling of dread in your stomach. Jake’s mood shifts with every drink and his laughter grows louder, more reckless. The playful comments quickly turn into harsh ones, all of them about you.

“Seriously, Y/N, why can’t you just relax?” he snaps, slurring his words slightly. “You’re such a buzzkill.”

You try to laugh it off, but it feels forced. Rúben and Bernardo, one of his teammates for Portugal, exchange awkward glances, unsure how to react as Jake continues to let his anger spill out. Every time he raises his glass, you brace yourself for another cutting remark. You wish you could disappear, wishing for a way out of this situation. As Jake’s mood darkens, so does the atmosphere, and you can’t help but feel trapped, the night spiraling into an awful reminder of what you hoped would be a fun evening.

“Jake, please. This is enough, let’s just go home.” you grab his arm, trying to make him listen to you.

“Why? So you can keep complaining? You’re ruining my night!” he snaps, pulling away from you. “You’re always dramatic.”

You feel the weight of his words, but you push through. “I’m not being dramatic, I just want to leave. Please.” Finally, after what feels like an eternity, you manage to pull him toward the exit.

As you step outside, he stops suddenly, anger on his face. “You’re a whore, Y/N. Practically throwing yourself at them. Thought I didn’t notice, right?” Jake laughs.

Rúben, who has been watching from a distance, steps in without hesitation.

“That’s enough.” he says, positioning himself protectively in front of you. “You need to back off. Now.”

Now, Jake shifts toward Rúben. “What did you just say to me, Diaz?”

“I won’t tell you again, I’m sick of your ridiculous games.” Rúben’s voice is steady, but there’s an edge of intensity.

Jake’s expression shifts, confusion mixed with anger as he realizes Rúben isn’t backing down. “You think you can just step in like this?” he mocks, but Rúben doesn’t flinch.

Rúben meets Jake’s gaze steadily. “Yeah, I do. Someone has to stand up for her when you won’t.”

“You’re just trying to play the hero. You have no idea what’s going on between us.” Jake says.

“I know enough.” Rúben shoots back. “I’ve seen how you treat her. It’s not right.”

Jake scoffs, his anger bubbling. “It’s been three years and she didn’t leave, maybe she likes how I treat her.”

“Does she?” Rúben challenges, his voice firm.

“I don’t.” it’s the first time you’re speaking, definitely holding back tears, but finally, standing up for yourself. “I’ve put up with it because I thought it would get better, but it hasn’t. I deserve to be treated with respect, with love. You’ll never give me these things, you’re imature, selfish and manipulative.”

Jake’s eyes widen in disbelief, anger mixed with a hint of fear. “You really think you can just walk away from this?”

You meet Jake’s gaze, unwavering. “Yes, I do. I’m tired of feeling trapped.”

“Great. You can walk home, then.” he laughs, turning his back and going inside the bar. Anything is better than having to look at his face, you say to yourself.

“I’ll give you a ride home, if that’s okay with you.” Rúben offers, breaking the silence. You hesitate, the offer surprising you. After all, Rúben and his friends has never been anything but good manners with you. Why’d he do that?

“I’m not sure, I…” you say, crossing your arms to ward off the cold.

He shrugs, a slight smile playing on his lips. “People can change. Or maybe… I just see things differently now.”

After a moment’s pause, you nod. “Okay, I’ll take you up on that.”

As you climb into the car, the interior feels comfortable and warm. But, the air is thick with an unspoken tension, both of you processing what just happened. Rúben starts the engine and you look out the window, feeling a mix of gratitude and confusion. The ride feels both long and short, your mind racing with words you want to say. You think about how Rúben stood up for you, how different this moment feels compared to how he was with you all these years, he’d always shrugged you off, making you feel invisible even when you’ve tried to be nice. Now, he’s nothing compared to the past and it’s surprisingly good to see this new side of him.

As you approach your building, the tension in the air becomes palpable. You can feel the weight of the moment, the unsaid gratitude hanging between you. Finally, as he pulls up to the curb, you take a deep breath.

“Thank you.” you whisper, feeling a newfound sense of safety with him. Rúben gives you a reassuring smile.

“Look, I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you in the past. You didn’t deserve that.”

You blink, taken aback by his honesty. “It’s okay, I guess. I just wish things had been different. Leaving Jake was the best decision I’ve made. Ever.” you laugh it off.

“If it makes you feel better, he’ll probably lose his job too. We didn’t know that he treated you that bad, Y/N. He actually used to say horrible things about you.” Rúben’s expression turns upset as he speaks. “I wish I had known what was really going on.” He shakes his head, probably regretting his decision in the past.

You can feel the weight of his words, and for the first time, you see a side of him that’s genuinely compassionate.

“It’s hard to believe anyone saw it,” you reply, nervously. “I kept hoping he’d change, that things would get better. But hearing you say that… it helps, in a way.“ you try to smile, even if it’s just a little bit.

Rúben’s expression softens, but there’s a flicker of something deeper in his eyes. “You’re better off without him, Y/N. You deserve someone who lifts you up, not tears you down. Don’t forget that.”

“Thank you, Rúben. That really means a lot.” you feel your cheeks get warm.

As he prepares to leave, a part of you wishes he wouldn’t. “Take care of yourself. I’ll see you around,” he says, his voice low and with a side smile.

Making the decision to leave Jake feels like breath of fresh air. For the first time, in a long time, you envision a future filled with possibilities: new friendships, new experiences, and maybe even a deeper connection with someone who genuinely cares. Going towards your building, you feel lighter, yet, there’s a flicker of anticipation in your chest. You’re ready to embrace whatever comes next, and the thought of Rúben lingers in your mind, hinting at a future that might be more exciting than you ever expected.

[flowerfreya]

An Understanding

Inspired by this post

@cod-fishing

Pairing: Kate Laswell x Reader

Content: reader is bi but has never been with a women. Price knows someone that can help with that.

A/n: I am not trying to fetishiz lesbian and if I did or am, please please please lmk and I will change it so I’m not.

Warning: Lesbians having sex. No p in v or strap in v. Scissoring. Oral sex ( f giving and f receiving) . MDNI

Price is taking you out tonight, he told you to find a nice dress at the little boutique that you rave about but never go in because of how expensive it is. You’ve only been dating for a short amount of time but you think you found your person, you talk, he listens , he has a good job, and man, the sex ? amazing.

>> what color should I be wearing tonight ?

He didn’t give you much context for tonight, but having a fancy dinner on a Tuesday is a little bit weird, but who are you to deny a free meal.

You’ve been ready for thirty minutes just sitting at the kitchen table waiting for him to pick you up.

>> I’m here.

You practically prance out of your apartment and see John waiting outside the passenger door for you.

“You look beautiful”, he opens the door for you and places a kiss on your lips, you make just a quick peck, “I did my makeup and I want it to last”. You don’t usually have time or an event to do your make up for so when you do , you go all out.

In the car Price clears his throat and mentions that they will be hosting a acquaintance at this dinner. That makes you a little more nervous, you know nothing about his work and making small talk is already a challenge but add in something you don’t know, it turns into asking about the weather four times in a row. At the restaurant , you take a seat in front a women, no a lady.

She looks to be just as old as Price , wearing a pantsuit and sipping on a brown liquid inside a tumbler.

“Your late”, as Price sits downs. Your eyes widen and you lower your head.

“Sorry Kate you know how it is”, he pats your thigh as he says it. You glance over at him , trying to understand where he is going with this.

They have been making eyes at each other all night. Not romantic but all knowing eyes. John takes a sip of his whiskey and turn to you,”honey remember what we talked about yesterday?”.

You turn your head a little embarrassed that he’s bringing that up now. In front of Laswell.

“Yes, do we have to talk about this now?” , you say softly thinking if you talk low enough she won’t be able to hear you (she most definitely can hear you). You turn and give an awkward smile and try to move the conversation along.

John lets out a little chuckle, “I know someone that could help”, and then motions his head towards Kate. Which has you looking over at her, she gives you a comforting smile and then moves her hand to your thigh. You can’t seem to look away and the warm feeling of her hand is spreading around your whole body.

You turn back to John, “but I’m with you, I love you …”, you trail off, you didn’t want to say it this early but it is the truth and you don’t want to ruin that because you have this one off fantasy of being dominated by an older women.

“Oh honey , I know you do but I want this for you”, he says with an easy smile. “I’ll be there the whole time”. That kind of makes you feel better but not by that much.

Then Laswell speaks up, “you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to”, her hand glides up, getting closer to your heart, “but it feels like you want too”, making your heart beat faster than before.

John places his hand on your shoulder , you turn your head and look at him , really trying to determine if this was okay , and with a nod of encouragement, you place your hand on top of Laswell’s and move it.

You let out a full body shudder and her hand connects. Your mouth falls open and sucks in a breath. You hear John say something about going upstairs. But you can’t focus on anything but making sure to breathe and keeping her hand on your pussy.

They lead you to the elevator and since it’s late enough the only people on the elevator are you three.

John is kissing the back of your neck, sucking and whispering about how you're his sweet girl.

Laswell taps your lips with her hand not being used for anything, “Can I get a kiss?”, you can’t do anything but nod and pucker your lips.

You’ve had good kissing before, hell the best kisser you know is right behind you but this is different. Maybe it’s because you never kissed a woman but it softer ,more delicate , like she already knows what she wants. Then she sticks her tongue in your mouth and you let out the a high pitch moan and you hand grip behind you to John’s legs. “You like that”, she laughs into your mouth.

“Yeah”, you whisper back.

By the time you get to the hotel room, your panties are soaked. You take the bed , Kate is standing in front of the tv and John takes a seat in the corner. Kate closes in and in a very serious manner ask , are you sure. You answer by starting to take off your dress. Your hands are shaking, nervous but so excited. Kate helped you take off the rest of your dress and everything leaving you naked and her still fully dressed.

She hums, “start undressing me”, she pulls you closer and puts your hands on her breast. She starts kneading them with her hands on top of yours. You didn’t think that you were a breast girl , because you can admire anyone’s ass but her boobs are amazing and you just want to lay in between them and suck until your heart's content.

You're a little shaky getting all the buttons undone but you don’t even take the time to take her bra off. You pull her tit out of the cup and start sucking. She arches her back and lets out a low moan. Your hand is tweaking with the other nipple.

You look up and see John rubbing himself through his pants, “You look so pretty, baby”. You never know what to say when he says things like that, not one for accepting or receiving compliments,”thank you”, you reply back softly.

Laswell is petting your head, she’s taken all her clothes off, “lay in the middle of the bed sweetheart”, you move to the middle, legs closed, your teeth are chattering, you don’t know what to expect.

She crawls to you , your face to face. She lock her lips with yours, kissing you harder than she did in the elevator. Nibbling your bottom lip, “open for me”, has you spread your legs. Her starts in small gently circles on your clit, almost barely there.

“Feels good?”, the only way you respond is throwing your head back and lifting your hips up hoping for more pressure. She starts kissing down your body paying close attention to the valley between your breast. Moving to your stomach and then to your pussy.

She breathes it in , “you smell so good”. Then she takes a long lick. You short circuit.

“You know what they say”, then she licks again. Flicking the tip of tongue on your clit.

You’re r a moaning mess , sweat starting to develop. You’re apologizing because you know your starting to smell.

“No need to apologize, makes you taste even sweeter”, she grins at you almost like a Cheshire Cat.

She goes back down and licks you until you’re gripping her head and suffocating her with your thighs. Your hips are thrusting up and you’re mewling so close.

“Kate, that's the noise she makes when she’s close”, you hear John say.

John growls lowly, “Open your eyes and look down and see the pretty lady giving you orgasim”,you force your eyes open and look down and that makes you snap. A quiet grasp has you seeing stars.

You see Kate licking her lips , “breathe”, she demands, which has you sucking in a lungful of air.

Moving up towards, “You want some more?”, you nod fast and frantic and then she kisses you.

It’s nasty and wet and you love it. You’ve tasted your self before because John’s foreplay is eating you every time but this is different, more exciting because you’ve never done this before.

She gets you into position, her in between your legs and she starts moving. You’ve seen this in porn before , you never thought it would actually feel good. But oh my god.

It feels warm and wet and like your only using the best version of an amazing sex toy.

You look to see Laswell, flushed with her baby hairs sticking to the back of her neck and her eyes low but focused on you.

“You’re doing so good”, and she must know that you have a praise kink.

“Oh god” , your legs are tightening almost sticking straight in the direction that they are forced in.

You're speeding up , get messy and sloppy and Kate is matching your energy. She says your name over and over and over again like a prayer.

You erupt on her and then feel disconnected from your body like you're on a roller coaster but only going down feeling weightless.

When you come too you see Kate is still on top of you but not moving , breathing through her mouth and nose trying to catch her breath.

“Did you cum”, you ask softly.

“Don’t get shy on me now”, she runs her hand down your face, “of course I did”, and then she smiles.

John comes from somewhere with a warm washcloth and cleans you off,

“Did you have fun , sweet girl”, he ask in your ear.

“Yes, thank you”, and you give a nudge with your nose not really in the middle for kissing. Turning to Kate, with your head down, “thank you”, she puts her hand under your chin lifting it up nudging her nose against yours, “anytime sweetheart”.

Masterlist

[wandas-lovey]

I’m being delulu so i started wondering (¡again!) what life with five would be post-season 3. But like…he’s a teacher in this…

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

* after all his siblings left when Reggie reset the universe you’re left with a mopey five

* you’re both pretty sad the first couple of days having just lost the people you love most :(

* but we don’t have time to be sad we need to get jobs!!!

* im gaslighting myself into believing that five and you have a place to stay the first night in the new timeline instead of being homeless 💀

* five becomes a teacher in the new timeline and you can’t convince me otherwise

* and what do you know!! you become a teacher too :D

* five would definitely teach math while you’d teach history (cuz you traveled through time when working with the commission, idk just go with it)

* while your classes may be a bit hard for the students you two are definitely the schools favorite teachers!!

* i mean why wouldn’t you be? the students can’t get enough of the two mysterious young teachers who showed up out of nowhere in the middle of the school year….

* you two definitelyyyy didn’t threaten the previous math and history teachers to quit their jobs or else they’d be dead by nightfall

* I just know many students are crushing on you BOTH. have you seen yourself lately? You look great ;)

* you both find it funny tho cuz they believe they’re crushing on teachers who are in their early 20s when it’s actually two 50 year olds in their younger bodies

* you two wouldn’t be the type to eat lunch with the rest of the faculty. you’d eat together in each other’s classroom enjoying your time together even if it’s for a short time

* five’s the type of boyfriend/teacher who interrupts your class for the dumbest reasons just cuz he wants to see you :,)

“can i borrow your stapler for a minute?”

“i’m in the middle of class right now”

“Yes I’m aware but i need to finish stapling the students review packets”

“you bought a stapler yesterday…”

“yeah but yours works better”

“OUT!!!”

*your students definitely find it cute :)

* after witnessing playful banter between the teachers that was a little too ~flirtatious~ the students get suspicious of what’s actually going on between their math and history teacher

* “are-are you and mr.hargreeves together..?”

* up until this point neither of you have confirmed to your students what your relationship was with each other

“unfortunately we are” you say with a smile on your face

*after confirming your relationship that day, your students spent the rest of the class asking you all types of questions about your relationship

“how did you and mr.hargreeves meet??”

“how long have you been together?”

“did you ask him out first or did he ask you?”

“why did you wait this long to tell us??”

*when your classes switch out and head to their next class with mr.hargreeves they try and pester him too about your relationship

“why aren’t you married yet?!?”

“ oh wow. i didn’t realize that was any of your business”

* you two are the kind of teachers to always be chosen to be chaperones for school dances.

*five definitely complains the entire night about being tired and wanting to go home

*who could blame him. watching over teenagers for hours making sure no one’s bumping uglies is exhausting

“how much longer till we can leave? This music’s awful. I’d rather throw myself off a building than be here.”

“Five…we just got here”

“What’s your point?”

*after a long night of watching over whore-knee kids, you head home ending the night with curling up on the couch and falling asleep in each other’s arms while The Breakfast Club plays in the background

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

i have no clue how to fucking end this 💀

also this shit ain’t proofread

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A year later and this post is still better than the way season 4 ended 🤨🤨

[goldenseresinretriever]

You Catch More Bees With Honey: Chapter 11

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Reader

Part of the San Diego Dogfighters universe

Summary: Bradley Bradshaw, blindsided by a team he trusted like family has been traded to the San Diego Dogfighters. Across the country from the place he calls home, Bradley feels lost and betrayed. Not to mention the familiar faces and ghosts from his past that he now has to face every day at work. Bradley’s caught between wanting to show his former team the mistake they made in double-crossing him and wondering if it’s time to hang up his skates after one final season. You’re living your dream as the PR representative for the Dogfighters. When Coach Maverick made a bid to bring his godson to the team, you hadn’t batted an eye. Bradley was a good teammate, and a good player. Unfortunately, the Bradley that shows up in San Diego is nothing like your research suggested. He’s moody, irritable, aggressive, and angry, throwing a wrench in all your careful planning. What’s caused such a drastic change in him? And can you figure out how to help him before he makes a mistake you can’t fix?

Series CW: 18+ ONLY, swearing, dead parents, drunkenness, alcohol consumption, violence, sports violence, blood probably, angst, fluff, eventual smut, age gap (28 and 38), enemies to lovers, suggestive language, hockey inaccuracies etc. There will be individual chapter warnings. No use of Y/N.

Word Count: 4.9k

A/N: This is a repost of my completed series, You Catch More Bees With Honey. It was originally posted in November-March 2023, and was lost when my blog was deleted.

Previous Chapter // Series Masterlist // Next Chapter

Bradley frowns in the mirror. He glances at his phone and frowns again. If he keeps this up he’s going to be late. The truth of the matter is that he doesn’t want to go. It’s Friday. It’s been a week since getting back from D.C. and it feels like it’s been a million years. He’d gotten used to it, waking up with you in his arms every morning. Every night this past week he’s had to stop himself from asking you to come over. He’d put the ball in your court, though. You’d asked him to pump the brakes so he had, and he’d promised to respect that.

On top of that, he hadn’t seen much of you this week. The two of you have been busy working nonstop since getting home early Friday morning. You’d both headed home half-asleep from the airport before having to be back first thing Saturday for a game versus Vancouver. The most time alone you’d gotten together was that Saturday morning when you’d called him into your office to sign the official paperwork that would make your relationship officially disclosed to the rest of the team. He smiles as he remembers your soft smile, shy as you signed your name next to his. He’d been sorely tempted to take you right then and there on your desk but he knew that was strictly off-limits and questionably unprofessional at best. He’d settled with a simple kiss to your cheek that had your skin heating under his lips in a way that he loves so much.

Saturday’s game was followed by two more home games on Tuesday and Thursday with Carolina and New Jersey respectively. It definitely didn’t help that yesterday’s game had been nationally broadcast which meant you’d been absolutely slammed with work and preparations all week. He also knows you went out last night with Mickey and some of his former New Jersey teammates.

It didn’t make missing you any easier. He doesn’t have time to call you but he does it anyway, putting the phone on speaker as he fixes his hair. It’s been too long since he’s gotten you all to himself and he’s feeling selfish tonight. You pick up on the third ring, your bright voice echoing around the empty bathroom as he smiles to himself, his mood already lifting. “Hi Bradley, what can I do for you?” He chuckles.

“What? I can’t call my girlfriend without wanting something from her?” It’s new, this label you’ve put on things. Actually, neither of you has yet to actually use the label but he likes the way it sounds in his mouth. He hears your breath hitch and he knows he’s caught you by surprise. Suddenly he’s wondering if he’s overstepped when your voice fills the room yet again.

“Your girlfriend?” Your voice is tentative and he wishes you were here so he could wrap you in his arms and chase away all your doubts with his lips.

“I know I didn’t sign an official form to be the guy you occasionally kiss and take spontaneous road trips with, Honey.” He hears you giggle and his smile tugs wider.

“Plus I guess it would be pretty awkward if you introduced me to your parents and I wasn’t your girlfriend.”

“Nah, I would have introduced you anyway. They would have loved you.” He says and sighs deeply as he looks into the mirror again. He doesn’t want to go to this dinner. He wants to invite you over and have your laugh bounce off the walls for real. He wants your warmth to fill every room of the apartment. He wants to sit you on the kitchen island while he cooks for the two of you and then he wants you to spend the night in his bed so your scent will be glued to his sheets until the next time he can coax you there.

“Any fun plans tonight, Bear?” Your sweet voice breaks through his thoughts and his lips twitch at the new nickname.

“Bear?” He hears you giggle again and smiles.

“Yeah, because you’re big and scary when you want to be but you’re also a secret cuddler and give the best hugs.” He can imagine the way your cheeks are heating as you continue to rain compliments on him. “And bears like honey.” You add matter-of-factly. This bear happens to love honey but he knows better than to mention that right now. “So? Any fun plans tonight?” He groans then as he’s reminded that if he doesn’t leave soon he’s going to be late.

“Dinner at Mav’s.” He doesn’t have to say anything for you to know exactly how excited he is for that.

“And how are you feeling about that?” You ask tentatively and he sighs.

“Honestly, Honey? It’s the last place I want to be right now. I’d much rather be having dinner with you.” He can’t help the admission as he lets it slip.

“That makes two of us.” Suddenly he really REALLY doesn’t want to go. “But that being said, I’ve had a migraine and hangover all day after last night.” You let out your own groan and a fond but concerned smile touches Bradley’s lips. He wants nothing more than to wrap you up and spoil you rotten. He can tell you’re exhausted and he wants to be one to take care of you.

“Get some rest, Honey, you’ve had a long week.” You groan again and Bradley hears paper rustling. His brows furrow as you confirm his suspicions.

“I’d love to but I’ve got a literal mountain of paperwork that needs to get done before I can leave. And then I have to go grocery shopping because there’s literally nothing in my fridge.” You let out a frustrated whine and Bradley’s about five seconds away from texting Maverick to cancel so that he can bring you here and dote on you. Unfortunately, his mother’s voice in his head takes that exact moment to remind him that Penny’s making dinner and while Maverick certainly doesn’t deserve his respect, she does.

“Tell you what, Honey.” He hears you hum in response. “Finish up your work and come over. I’ll give Tony my spare key and tell him to let you in. Order some pizza and get comfortable and I’ll be back before you know it.”

You’re silent for a long moment before you ask. “Bear?”

“Yes, Honey?”

“Do you have a tub?” He blinks, surprised by the question as he turns around and looks at the free-standing porcelain tub behind him.

“I do.” He hears some rustling from your end before you ask.

“Can I have a bubble bath?” His laugh echoes off the walls of the bathroom at your simple request.

“Honey, you can have whatever you want.” He replies and he’s surprised to find that he truly means it. He’d lasso the moon for you if you asked and he’s not even sure what you’d want it for in the first place. He hears your squeal of delight on the other end of the call and smiles as he imagines you here, in his space, the thing he’s been dreaming of all week. “Honey, I hate to cut things short, but I need to start heading over to Mav’s. I’ll see you after?”

“No problem, see you soon, Bear!” Your voice is much more cheery than he feels but he can feel your infectious attitude raising his mood. He hears the line disconnect and lets out a heavy sigh.

The promise of you waiting here when he gets back is what drives him to finish getting ready. He makes sure to give Tony the spare key and doesn’t miss the look the older man gives him when he tells him to expect the young woman from last week. His cheeks are still pink when he pulls out of the parking garage.

***

When Bradley finally sees the house he can’t help the disgusted sneer that pulls his lips. The house is huge, to say the least. He knows he shouldn’t be surprised, given Mav’s long and highly decorated career, but all he can think about is the house he grew up in. How the lawn was almost always overgrown while his mother was alive and the paint was almost always peeling off the sides no matter how much he tried to help with the upkeep when he had the time. Mr. Peterson from next door had helped out more often than not but Bradley remembers the feeling of the calluses on his mother’s hands when he held them, first as a small child and then later at the cusp of adulthood as she’d laid in the hospital near the end. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in his mother working, but he knew deep down that that wasn’t the life that she or his father had imagined for her when they got married.

Carole Bradshaw was Nick’s Princess, his Queen. He wanted to give everything in the world to her on a silver platter. And he’d been on the road to doing so. He’d made it all the way to the NHL, and he got to play on the regular roster. Things were looking up. Carole could focus on raising their son instead of struggling to make ends meet, filling the kitchen table with her delicious cooking instead of piles of bills that needed paying. It would have broken his heart to see how her life turned out.

They weren’t poor, not by any means. Bradley knew that as much as he knew that it was mostly due to the person whose driveway he was currently pulling into. Maverick had been nothing but generous when it came to money, but there were simply some things that money couldn’t buy and he didn’t seem to understand that from the limited conversations Bradley had had with him.

Bradley thinks back to Dare’s little bungalow that he’d visited barely a week ago. She’d coached the Pittsburgh Penguins to five Stanley Cup wins and yet she isn’t living in this state of excess. What disgusts him the most is that she should be. All of this should be hers too.

He tries to get his temper under control as he strolls up the walkway to the double doors. He hears barking coming from inside and when he rings the doorbell he does his best to smile back at Penny Benjamin. Penny Benjamin is a confusing situation for him. He knows that none of this is her fault, Mav abandoning his entire past and everyone involved in it, but it’s hard not to blame her when she’s here, living in Maverick’s McMansion with her pseudo-husband and dog. He leans down to scratch the ears of the elderly Labrador. “Bradley, glad you could join us, come on in.” He follows her inside, down hallways lined with photographs from over the years of Maverick, Penny, and a little girl who ranges in age across the various photos. “That’s my daughter, Amelia,” Penny explains when she catches him watching.

“Yours?” He asks before clarifying. “Just yours, I mean?” He can feel his cheeks heating as his mother’s voice chides him for asking such an inappropriate question.

She doesn’t seem ruffled, nodding. “Just mine, from my ex-husband. She’s probably around your age, she was barely a few months old when I met Maverick. He may not be her birth father but he’s the only one she’s ever known.” Bradley hates the bitterness that pools in his stomach at her words. The jealousy that he could have been the child in the pictures on the wall, doted on by his godfather who should have stepped into the role left vacant by the death of his father.

He’s doing his best to reign in his emotions as they reach the dining room, but it all goes to hell the moment he realizes he’s not the only guest at this dinner. Seated across from Maverick is none other than Dare. Bradley has to fight to keep his hands from curling into fists at his sides because the woman at the dining table is nothing like the one he’s seen before. Usually Dare is the picture of confidence without looking cocky. She knows what she’s doing and she’s not afraid to show it. She reminds him of you and the kind of woman that he’s sure you’ll grow up to be. Now that confidence is gone and Bradley’s fighting the urge to throttle the man that he’s sure is responsible. She looks unsure of herself and as uncomfortable as he feels to be here if not more. He immediately moves to take the seat next to her, keeping his eyes off Maverick as he does his best to assess for damage. He knows it’s probably nothing that he can see but he wants to because all he sees is his mother after a long day of carrying a burden that’s not hers to carry anymore. He can’t count the number of times he’s seen that face and it breaks his heart to see it now, on the face of someone who shouldn’t have to suffer but who is anyway. All because one self-centered fool can’t be bothered to get his head out of his ass.

Maybe he does it out of protectiveness, but maybe he does it out of pure spite, but he does it anyway. He wraps his arms around the older woman, the way she had done for him in her kitchen while he fell apart in his arms. He knows it’s nothing in the grand scheme of things, but he intends to make up for the sins of his godfather if he can. Be there for the person who was there for his mother, for him even if he hadn’t been able to fully appreciate it at the time. The way her body tenses under him at first is the only evidence of her surprise at the gesture but she reciprocates the hug and Bradley finds himself engulfed in a scent that stirs in his memory. He can’t draw a concrete image from it but he knows he’s smelt it before like these hugs aren’t something new just something forgotten. When Bradley finally breaks the hug to sit next to Dare, Maverick is looking at them, surprised.

“I didn’t realize the two of you were close.” He says awkwardly. Bradley knows he shouldn’t do it but there’s something so satisfying about seeing Maverick as uncomfortable as he and Dare are so he pushes.

“She’s my godmother, why wouldn’t we be?” Sure this thing with Dare was new but that didn’t negate the fact that she’d been around his whole life. And sure he was stretching the truth a little, but measured on a scale of Maverick’s involvement in his life? Dare was winning the godparent race by a landslide. Maverick’s eyebrows raise with surprise, and Bradley watches the confusion swirl in his eyes. He’s fighting the urge to smirk as he feels fingers brush his own and he laces them. His throat is rough as he feels the callouses on her palm and he wonders at how much her hand reminds him of his mother’s, the soft wrinkles on the back contrasted by the rough patches on the front.

Penny breaks the tension as he comes back into the dining room from the kitchen. “Bradley, can I get you something to drink?” He tears his eyes away from Maverick and stares at Penny for a beat too long before he mutters that water would be fine.

“So, why am I here?” Bradley asks once Penny has retreated to the kitchen.

“Dinner, I thought I told you,” Maverick starts before Bradley shakes his head.

“Not here at your house, here in San Diego.”

“Bradley, why don’t we wait until later to discuss-“

“No, we’re doing this now because I need to know.” He’s tired of dancing around the question that’s been plaguing him for almost six months now. Sure, he didn’t exactly regret the move now, but he wasn’t ready to just move on like nothing happened. “Not only did you uproot me from the team I’ve played for my entire career, but you made me leave my friends and my home. I deserve an actual answer as to why. And don’t you dare say you did it for me because if it was for me, you would have picked up the phone to ask me first instead of going behind my back.” In the back of his mind, he’s proud of how level he’s managed to keep his voice but at least part of that is due to Dare’s hand in his, squeezing tight in solidarity and grounding him.

Maverick shrugs like it’s a no-brainer. “I had the chance to work with you, so I took it. I thought it would be a good experience for us.”

Bradley feels all the fight drain out of him. All the pain that’s been caused and Maverick treats it like it’s nothing. Because to him it is. “What did you think? That I’d come to San Diego and suddenly I’d be ready to come over and drink beers and sing Kumbayah? What have I ever done to suggest that I would be interested in a relationship with you at all, professional OR personal?”

“Bradley, I’m your godfather-“

“BULLSHIT.” Bradley’s voice is raised finally as his emotion gets the best of him. “You may think you’re a god but you are certainly not my father. My father is dead, my DAD is dead, and you had every opportunity to step up and be there when I needed you. When my mom needed you. When WE needed you, but you didn’t.” He’s breathing hard. “That’s the thing that you just don’t seem to get. You don’t get to decide when I need you. You don’t get to be my godfather when it’s convenient for you and you’ve run out of hobbies to pass the time. I have a life! I have goals! None of which involve you. You don’t get access to my life just because of some title my dad thought you were worthy of. Because that’s just a word, you have to earn it.” Dare’s grip on Bradley’s hand is bordering on painful at this point but it feels good. It reminds him that he’s capable of feeling. The physical pain complements the emotional pain that’s threatening to tear the heart from his chest. He’s breathing hard and every part of him wants to leave right now. Except that he doesn’t want to leave Dare here. And he feels terrible about ruining Penny's perfectly good dinner. When it’s clear that Maverick isn’t about to argue any of the points that Bradley’s just made he stands and walks into the kitchen to cool off.

Penny’s filling a glass with water and passes it to him wordlessly and he drinks it, hoping to cool his head. “Sorry to ruin your dinner.” He says awkwardly as he fiddles with the glass. She shakes her head and takes the glass back from him, refilling it as she considers her words.

“You’re hurting Bradley, I would hate for something as simple as a dinner to cause you more pain.” He nods silently.

“My mom would be so disappointed with me right now.” He’s not sure why he admits it but it’s all he can think of as he looks around the kitchen at the plates of sides and cooling casserole dish on the counter.

“Really? Because if I was her I’d be proud of you.” He looks back at Penny, eyes wide with surprise. “You stood up to Pete, and told him your real feelings. You were honest with him even if it hurt you to do it. I don’t think that’s anything to be ashamed of. That’s brave.” She reaches up then and cups his cheek gently, a fond smile on her face. “I’m sorry that I didn’t push him more, to be a part of your life, to be there for you and your mom. I was selfish and I never meant for you to get hurt by that.” Bradley shakes his head.

“You were probably scared that he’d leave you too. It seems like that’s all he’s good for.”

“I was scared then, yes. And now I know that I shouldn’t have been because that’s not Pete, not really. He’s a complicated man and doesn’t always have the best judgment but he’s good under it all, I can tell you that much. It’s completely fair of you to not want him to be a part of your life, but if you ever decide otherwise? We’ll be waiting for you.” Bradley swallows hard, unable to look her in the eye. “Can I pack some dinner up for you, sweetie?”

He nods absentmindedly before adding. “Can you pack some for Dare too, I don’t want to leave her here.” Penny just nods and sets about getting out some Tupperware.

“I don’t blame you.” Bradley blurts out before he loses his nerve. “Just because I’m mad at Maverick doesn’t mean I’m mad at you. We choose who we love, we don’t choose who loves us.” She gives him a soft smile.

“That’s a good insight, Bradley.”

“It’s what my mom used to tell me.” He shrugs even as he feels the tears pressing against the backs of his eyes. Penny finishes boxing up two dinners and Bradley takes the two plastic bags from her as they go back into the dining room. “Aunt Dare, are you ready to go?” The words, although new, feel familiar in his mouth like a warm hug. She looks at him surprised and then her eyes fall on the bags in his hand and then shift to Penny who just smiles.

“We can reschedule for another day.” Dare nods and a silent conversation occurs between the two women as she stands and follows Bradley to the front door. Penny sees them out. Maverick still hasn’t gotten up from the table.

Once the front door closes behind them, Bradley and Dare walk to their cars in silence until they get to them. “Do you have any plans for the evening?” Bradley asks, tentatively. He knows you’re probably still at work since he’s barely spent thirty minutes here. He also knows you’d want him to do this instead of worrying about you. Dare shakes her head, still quiet, considering him. “What do you say we take dinner to your place?” She smiles gently and then wraps her arms around Bradley. He relaxes into her embrace.

“Thank you, Bradley,” she whispers into his hair and his heart clenches at the thickness of her voice. “Dinner sounds lovely.” She says as she lets him go. “I’ll meet you there.”

They get into their cars and Bradley follows Dare back to her place. He frowns to himself when he sees the overgrown yard. She lets them in and he excuses himself to the bathroom while she dishes up Penny’s food. When he gets back, he’s just about to sit down at the kitchen table when a shout from Dare in the kitchen makes him freeze.

“Maverick, get off the counter RIGHT NOW!” He whips around, expecting to see a man but instead, a burst of orange fuzz speeds out of the kitchen in a blur. Bradley follows the blur as it perches on the arm of the sofa, regarding him with yellow eyes. The orange cat is more fur than cat and looks fairly old despite how spry it clearly is. “Maverick Mitchell the Third, you know better to get on the kitchen counter.” Dare comes out of the kitchen, an unamused scowl on her face as she sets her hands on her hips and glares at the cat. “Can’t you see we have a guest?” The cat, Maverick, turns to regard Bradley curiously. “Bradley, that’s Maverick.” She says to Bradley, her scowl melting into a look of fondness. Bradley gives the cat a half-hearted wave, still recovering from the shock of the cat sharing a name with his godfather.

“He wasn’t here last time.” Bradley blurts out lamely and she chuckles, bringing out two plates.

“He was locked in my room. I didn’t know if you were a cat person and I didn’t want to appear too much like a crazy old cat lady.” Bradley smiles at that.

“You’re not old.” He points out.

“But still a crazy cat lady noted.” She smiles back and Bradley laughs, putting his hands up in mock surrender.

“Your words, not mine.” They laugh together and the tension from earlier seems to seep out of both their bodies. “So, you named your cat Maverick?” He says as they dig into the food. It’s delicious and he makes a note to mention it to Penny the next time he sees her. Dare nods thoughtfully.

“Pete was always just Pete to me. I hated that nickname, so I never used it. Then when I got the cat to fill the void it just felt right.”

“Maverick the Third?” He asks around a bite of chicken casserole.

She shrugs. “I’m old after all.” There’s a lull in conversation as they east before Dare speaks up again. “Thank you, Bradley, for what you did today.”

“I meant every word of it. I know you’re upset that you weren’t around more when I was younger but you’re here now and I want you in my life if you want to be.”

She smiles and he can see the shine of tears in her eyes as she says “I’d like that very much.” He scoots his chair closer and reaches his hand out to hold hers. The sight of her wedding ring still on her finger makes his heart ache subtly. He can’t right every wrong that she’s suffered, but he can do his best.

“Aunt Dare, do you have a lawnmower?”

***

A few hours later Bradley’s riding the elevator back up to his apartment, reeking of dried sweat and freshly cut grass. It's the last he could do but he’d felt the conviction to get it done tonight. Admittedly it had been a while since he’d cut grass but he figured it looked alright when he finished. The sun has long since sunk beneath the horizon and he hopes you haven’t been waiting for him too long. The idea of feeling you in his arms propels him out of the elevator and through the door. He could really use one of your hugs after the evening he’s had.

“Honey?” He calls out for you as he enters the apartment, but he’s met with silence. A glance by the door tells him that you’re here since your sneakers are lined up neatly. He walks down the hall. “Mom, I’m home.” He calls out the photo as he passes by, more preoccupied with finding you. A glance at the living room tells him that you’ve been there. A blanket is rumpled on the couch where you were clearly wrapped in it and a pizza box lies abandoned on the kitchen counter but there’s still no sign of you. He doubles back and checks the guest room first but it’s pristine. Remembering your request for a bubble bath, Bradley heads into the master bathroom and while the room is still sticky with humid warmth and the tub contains remnants of said bubble bath, you’re still yet to be found. He heads back to the living room and tries the balcony. He knows from your last visit that you enjoy the view. He walks the entire length of the wrap-around balcony but it’s empty.

He’s genuinely starting to worry for your safety when his eyes fall on the glass door leading into his bedroom from the balcony. Not even a week ago you stood where he does now, blatantly ogling him as he got changed for game night. Now it provides the answer to his quest. You’re curled up in his bed, facing the window. The lights are still on but by the steady rise and fall of your chest, he can tell you’re asleep. He lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding as he heads back inside, coming into his bedroom from the hallway. You’re indeed asleep, on the side of the bed you favored in D.C. As much as he wants to talk to you about the events of the evening he can’t bear to wake you when you look so peaceful. Stress doesn’t mar your features as you sleep and he begrudgingly trudges to the bathroom to shower before slipping in beside you. He knows he should wake you up, and give you the option to go home but he’s feeling selfish tonight so when he comes back to the bedroom to still find you sleeping soundly he turns out the lights and slides into the bed beside you. He’s resigned himself to staying on his side of the bed when you scoot your body up against his. He reaches for you instinctively, pulling you close and when you curl against him all is right in the world.

“Goodnight, Bear.” Your half-asleep voice murmurs as you drift between dreams.

“Goodnight, Honey.” He whispers back, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head as he lets the warmth of your body and the steady beat of your heart lull him to sleep.

[writingsfromhome]

Red Rose II

A/N: Did some more work on this series. It’s one of the first fics I ever posted here (2020!?!) but felt writer’s block every time I tried to continue. The story is finally shaping up in my head though. It deals with fantastical elements. I’d say it’s not exactly my average fic…

Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

—————————

My head is pounding like a bass drum when I wake up, the room I’m in is too dark to see but the sliver of light coming from below the curtains gives the day away. I try to make out the room around me, the night comes back to me in bits.

I must be at the handsome bloke’s-Harry it was. I remember, Harry offered to let me crash at his. I gently turn to stare at the spot next to me but it looks made. He slept somewhere else—he really was a gentleman.

My body creaks as I pivot off the bed and onto the plush carpet. With the softness of the covers and the quality of the carpet, I figured Harry was well off. Compared to my Ikea flat, and synthetic rugs, this was a castle.

I find the light switch and the brightness assaults my sensitive eyes, but I make out a bathroom off to the side. Sweet.

I looked horrible; as hard as I’d done myself up last night I had undone myself in the hours following. And looking at my puffy face and raccoon eyes, I could barely believe Harry wasn’t more afraid of me. Maybe he just pitied me.

By the time I walk back into the room, the curtains have been pushed open, the bed made, and a plain black tee and palazzo pants in my size lay on the bed. It looks exactly like something I would wear on my day off. A glass of water and two painkillers sit on the sidetable. There was no way Harry did all this, how did he find clothes in my size? And why would he make my bed?

I leave the questions for later and take the painkillers (after double checking the label), take the clothes back into the shower and wash the weird night away. It’s not hard finding the kitchen from the smell of coffee and baked goods.

I find Harry sitting in a robe on the balcony off to an open concept kitchen. Two women prepare breakfast, in uniform—so they definitely weren’t family, and another man in uniform stands outside. He definitely didn’t make my bed. I quietly head out to Harry.

“Once I can, that’s all she needs to know.” Harry sips a coffee with his back to me. The man outside only nods to me before going back in.  

“Rose,” Harry says. I jump, how did he know I was here. “I can see your reflection in the glass.”

“Do you read minds or something?” I ask as I walk into his view and settle into the chair opposite him.

“Or something,” he smiles. From what I remember from yesterday, he was big and bold and broody but this morning his face is lit from below and he doesn’t seem as intimidating—it holds a kindness that was missing yesterday. At an angle, he looks almost harmless. Almost.

“Thanks for...well for everything.” I wasn’t sure how to approach his kindness. I knew everything came with a price, Harry was being really nice, he’d kept to his word and left me to recover, but I didn’t know why. That made me uneasy. As I think it, Harry fixes me with a stare, waiting for me to continue but I don’t know what to say so I babble. “I usually don’t do this, follow strangers home. But last night was kind of really awful and-shit, Jeremy! I..”

I pat my pockets out of habit but of course my phone isn’t there. I look up and my phone is on the table. I grab it, and look up, Harry continues to stare as if he was watching a rat in a maze he’d constructed and a chill goes down my spine.

Leave it up to me to make things weird.

My train of thoughts freak me out so I just excuse myself and go inside, my screen isn’t cracked anymore. I run my finger over the screen to make sure but it’s entirely smooth. Was I hallucinating yesterday?

“Y/N, why are you calling so bloody early?” Jeremy’s sleepy voice answers the phone. I check the room and spot the time on the fridge. 8:44.

“Sorry, must be the jet lag. I just want you to know I’m okay.”

“What? Why wouldn’t you be?” I hear him shuffling.

“I...” I realise he knew absolutely nothing from yesterday. I never called him-he probably thinks I’m still at my ex’s! “I’m sorry Jer go back to bed. I’ll explain later.”

He grumbles something but he sounds half-asleep already. I tuck my phone into my pocket and go back outside. The women have disappeared and a buffet is laid out in front of Harry. He points to my seat and I take it.

“Wow,” I was at a loss for words. But I ask, “Did you fix my phone?”

“It fell out of your pocket when I was helping you to bed.” Harry says. “I cracked the screen so I fixed it. Brought it out here for when you had breakfast.”

“Oh no, I um, I actually broke it last night!” I pull it out with a nervous laugh. How did he fix it? “I got angry and sort of...yeah, anyway, that’s the nicest thing anyone’s done for me. I really...I’m actually overwhelmed with how nice you’re being.” My laugh comes out in a rush of air, I’m trying to figure this man out. He didn’t feel threatening but there were all these red flags that made it seem so.

He finally cracks a smile back and nods. “This is how a woman like yourself should be treated. Let’s just enjoy the feast, and enjoy the morning.”

I smile as he pours me coffee. Something in the back of my head wants to analyze everything about the man in front of me, his good looks and his good manners. But also the cold way he observes me versus the short bursts of sunshine in his laugh. His hand keeps brushing mine, and he makes me blush with his compliments. But he continues to call me Rose, he doesn’t even ask for my name again. So I don’t offer it.

“So do you do this often?” I ask. “Invite a stranger from a pub and take care of her?”

“I’ve been visiting The Good Folk for decades and I’ve never met a woman like you.”

My heart skips a beat, not at the compliment. He said decades, but he had less wrinkles than I did and I wasn’t even 30. How old was he?

“I bet you say that to all the women you take home,” I say.

“Yes,” he admits and I look up from my toast. He seems unfazed by his admission but he notices my expression, “What?”

“You just admitted to saying that to all the women you take home.”

“Yes?” He stares. “This is the first time I’ve taken a woman home from there.”

It sounds like a lie or a technicality but he’s entirely honest. And I don’t know how I know that.

The uniformed man suddenly appears and says something to Harry who excuses himself and leaves. Was he like Mr. Alfred, butler to a billionaire type? Harry sure was mysterious enough to have one.

I use the time alone to look around, the view showed an expanse of green fields and in the distance the skyline of London. I’d lived here all my life yet I couldn’t figure where exactly we were.

I look back inside, the place is spotless. Harry must be richer than I thought if he could afford a place like this and hire help. He was a gentleman with a streak of odd, I conclude.

I wanted to figure the odd bit out.

“Are you done with breakfast?” I jump when one of the women from earlier appears beside me. But on a closer look, she was a lot younger than me. Maybe around 15?

“I’m done. You’re quite young. What’s your name?”

She giggles and looks back to where the other women is watering the outdoor plants. When she turns at the sound of the giggles, I realise she was just as young. Was this even legal?

“I’m called Dot, that’s Oona.”

“Nice to meet you Dot.” I watch as she picks up a stack of plates. She was stronger than she looked but still I ask, “Do you need help?”

She just giggles again as if what I asked was absurd and simply carries the large stack inside. I decide to help anyway, feeling unusual if I sat while they cleared the table. It wasn’t something I was used to.

I drop the coffee cups off on the counter when Harry appears and pulls me away.

“What are you doing?” He demands.

“I’m just helping clear...” I turn to point to the girls but they stare at us. It reminds me of the weird motorcycle guy yesterday who offered to give me a ride home. They have the same look in their eyes and when I turn to Harry I can see why. His features are set in an aggressive expression. I didn’t know what I’d done except to help out, and I didn’t want the two girls to get in trouble.

“Harry I...” I touch his arm. “They didn’t ask or nothing, I was just sitting there and thought I could help. I’m not usually waited on...especially by girls younger than me so it was just weird to just sit there.”

His eyes slide from the two behind me to me, his expression softens ever so slightly. “We all have our roles. Let them do theirs. They’ve been in my employment for many years.”

“Okay,” I agree quickly. I wanted to move away from the tense room and shift Harry’s attention away from Dot and Oona. I would have to apologise later, I didn’t mean to get them in trouble. And maybe ask what their skin care tips were—there was no way Harry hired children so they must have amazing genetics.

“Did you have any plans today? I know you people usually go to work during the day,” Harry leads me to a large room that must be an office. I’m taken aback by his bluntness saying “my people”.

“We’re not all rich unfortunately,” I say passively. I couldn’t figure out if Harry was a good guy or not. One second he was kindly hosting me and the next he looks ready to throw his help out the window because I helped them.

“What do riches have to do with your plans?” Harry looks genuinely confused. He played aloof really well.

“My people?” I remind him.

“Yes, what do you do during the day?”

I shake my head. He was so confusing. “I usually have work but I’m off for the week. I thought I would spend today with...my ex. But after yesterday-“

“You deserve better. He doesn’t hold a candle to you.”

I laugh, slightly nervous having all his attention so close. “Right. That’s nice of you to say. But I seem to have a bad history with men, I don’t think I even know what I deserve at this point.”

“I thought it was human nature to follow your hearts?” Harry stops fiddling with the book in his hands and moves towards me. “Love makes the world go round or something like that?” Harry drags his fingers up and down my arm and I feel it in the pit of my stomach. “How can you not know what you deserve.”

“I...” words leave my mind as I lean in towards him. His touch empties me of thought and I just want more of him. But as I lean into him it’s like he realises what was happening. He jumps back, letting go of me and I straighten up.

“Uh,” Harry clears his throat, “I can’t-“ he looks to the door just as it creaks open, I immediately feel the familiar burn of embarassment that came with rejection. What was wrong with me? He kept making it clear he was just being nice, he wasn’t interested like that. Why did I react to him so strongly?

“What is it?” Harry sounds annoyed at whoever’s at the door. When I finally look, it’s the man from earlier. His Alfred.

“Your presence is needed at...” he glances at me and back at Harry.

“I told you, tell her I’ll get back to her once I can-“

“It’s quite urgent,” his butler’s eyes continue flicking between the both of us.

I check the time on my phone and the movement catches Harry’s attention. I avoid looking directly at him, “I should head back home now anyway. You’re obviously busy.”

“You don’t have to,” he says in a low voice. “You can stay as long as you need.”

“I’m pretty recovered from last night,” I smile. “I think I just have some of my things in the room I stayed in.”

“Dot will get it for you,” Harry puts his hand on my back as I walk to the door. His butler continues staring at us as he moves aside and follows us out.

Dot suddenly appears with my wallet and clothes from yesterday, laundered and smelling amazing.

“Wow,” I take them from her, scanning her face to be sure she was alright. She just gives me a bright smile contrasting her icy hands. “Thank you.” I tell her and turn back to Harry, “I can’t thank you enough for last night. I was a mess and...you helped. I seriously owe you one.”

Harry’s sharp gaze settles on me and I hear a gasp from Dot. It’s like the air was sucked out of the room, I glance back at Dot and her eyes are wide. His butler also looks startled. Were they okay?

“You don’t need to,” Harry finally says. “Consider it a kindness, not a favour.”

“No no,” I walk with Harry towards the front. His house was like a maze. “Nobody is ever this kind for no reason, I’ll make it up to you.” If there was anything life taught me, strangers didn’t do things out of pure kindness. I didn’t want strings down the road. I would rather just let him know I would return the favour and have that sit between us.

His expression is unreadable as he opens the door, a woman already stands outside with a car idling on the road. Woah.

“I accept,” Harry says. I raise my eyebrow, he had an odd way of talking. That’s what made him more intriguing.

On impulse, I go to press a quick kiss to his cheek but he jerks back. I back away, my cheeks aflame, and walk out with my things in hand. The woman opens my door for me and as hard as I try, I still glance back at Harry before I get in and give him a lame wave. His gaze never leaves mine, even after I sit in. He really did just do this to help me out, I read too much into it. He obviously didn’t feel the attraction I felt.

***

“You know that sounds completely made up? I’ve never even heard of The Good Folk.”

It’s late afternoon and I’m catching Jeremy up on last night’s adventure. I didn’t think his eyes could get bigger than they already were but with each part of the story they grow wider.

“As if you know every single pub in London,” I roll my eyes at my best friend.

“If the pub was lit at 1am it must be popular enough-I would know. Where does this guy live?”

“I...” I try to remember the route we took back to my flat but it’s foggy. Maybe I was too preoccupied with getting over being rejected multiple times. But I do remember we arrived at my flat within half hour. “Right outside London but I wasn’t really paying attention.”

“Doesn’t sound like you,” Jeremy nudges me. “Does somebody have a new special somebody in their life already?”

“I wish!” I really did. “He was mostly distant, nothing happened! He didn’t even let me kiss him goodbye. Plus, I just broke up with you know who.”

“We all knew that chapter was coming to a close,” Jer huffs. “You weren’t even in love with him.”

“Well,” I don’t have much to say to that. Jeremy was right, the relationship was getting colder. And after a warm bath and a meal, I could see clear enough. I was angry yesterday for letting it get to the point I was cheated on. I never had the balls to end it myself. As strong as I made myself on the outside, I hadn’t been strong enough inside to admit it and just end it.

Mostly I was scared to be alone again.

“Well,” Jeremy pulls me into a hug and kisses my forehead. “I’m going to start some dinner for us. You can go through the mail that’s been piling up for you.”

I reach for the stack he drops down beside me. Most of the bills I paid online, I put those aside. Junk, pamphlets, which just left two to actually look at. The first is a postcard from my foster sister, she was doing her gap year and made sure to send me a postcard from each country even though I’d seen her while I was away. The other is unmarked, thin. I open it and inside is just a note.

The Good Folk, tonight. 10:30pm.

Did Harry send this? I flip the paper over but it’s blank, until it catches the light and I realize the faint shimmer of a logo. It’s a spiral in the palest silver but there’s nothing else written anywhere. Maybe Harry did send it, he didn’t have my number but he did know where I lived. Maybe I was seeing him again tonight, maybe Jer was right. Butterflies take over my nervous system but I tell them not to get their hopes up. They don’t listen.

“What are you grinning at?” Jeremy calls from the kitchen—the open concept allowed him to see me.

“I might have a date tonight, half past ten,” I hold up the paper. “Harry.”

“Ooh,” he grins before it morphs into concern. “That’s late...you don’t think?”

“We’ll see,” I skim my fingers over the writing. Maybe he just wanted to talk, but if a guy wanted to see you twice in a day that usually meant something right? Even though he looked afraid everytime I went in for a kiss. I sigh. We’ll see.

***

I look back at the shops around me. I swear this was where I was last night. But the place where The Good Folk should have stood was just a Gregg’s. A Google search didn’t turn up anything so all I had to rely on was memory and even that was shoddy.

I ask a couple passing by but nobody knows what I’m talking about. Great, Harry would probably think I stood him up.

I decide to wander, maybe I’ll stumble on it again. I don’t even try to think, hoping my memory will lead me. The dark streets remind me of my near meltdown last night. It was late, if I didn’t find it in the next five minutes I was driving back.

Just as I think it, I see a familiar sign. The Good Folk. But it’s on a street corner and it was most definitely not on a corner last night. Definitely weird.

When I walk in, it’s past 10:30 and I hope Harry wouldn’t mind. I walk to the bar, even more people staring tonight than last. I definitely didn’t look how I did last night, was it just because I wasn’t a regular?

“Surprised you’re back,” the barkeep actually acknowledges me today. He has a petite woman working the counter too.

“Just meeting someone,” I say. Harry was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he was late too.

“A woman like you should be careful,” he sets a drink in front of me.

“I didn’t order th-“

“I did,” a soft voice says to my left. I look at the source, and am surprised to see a blonde guy who definitely was not Harry. He did look familiar. Then I remember, I saw him last night.

“I know you. You were here yesterday-or rather this morning right?” He has kind eyes when he smiles at my question.

“Yes, I saw you come and go. I never got the chance to speak with you.”

I take a seat, may as well while I waited. As I do I remember more; he was glaring at Harry when we left. “Now’s your chance!” I smile at him and take a sip. “Woah, this is amazing.”

“I thought you might like it,” he watches me drink more. I wasn’t even halfway through and I already wanted a second. “Wild elderberry cocktail.”

“I have to remember that,” I say and make a mental note as I gulp down more.

“I never caught your name...”

“Oh, I didn’t even introduce myself how rude of-“

“Rose,” my back straightens as Harry’s familiar voice rings across the bar. What was up with him interrupting my conversations here?

“Rose,” the blonde nods, ignoring the fact that Harry had answered his question. I open my mouth to correct him, to give my real name but he gives me his. “Elliot.”

I can’t even respond because Harry suddenly crowds me. There’s a fiery heat emanating from him towards Elliot. Maybe there was something between them, and the way they glare at each other, I don’t want to find out.

“Took you long enough,” I tell Harry. But the pub is so silent you can hear a pin drop. I look around and everyone is staring at us, this must be one of those places where everyone knew everyone else. And the vibes were telling me these two must have a history.

“What are you talking about?” Harry asks. “Why are you here?”

“Um, you invited me? The letter?”

“What letter,” he finally tears his eyes from Elliot and he looks fierce. My stomach drops and my eyes sting. I was such an idiot, of course he didn’t send it. Why was I so obsessed with the idea that I could mean something to this man I just met. Why was I acting like a hormonal teenager about this!?

“I got a letter to be here at 10:30...I just thought it was you I-“

“It was me,” Elliot interrupts. I look to him, his face is a breath of fresh air compared to Harry’s fiery storm.

“How did you know where I lived?” I ask but it doesn’t matter because Harry’s put his body between Elliot and I.

“You stay out of this. Leave her alone.” Harry’s words are threatening.

“She’s not yours,” Elliot says lazily. “She came of her own free will.”

“Free will? She came on an invite. By you.”

“An invite is just that. Her choice.”

“Stay away toadstool, if you touch a single-“

“Hey!” I use my hands to pry them apart. “I’m sitting right here! And I don’t need a knight in shining bloody armour. You,” I turn to Harry. “Don’t need to worry about me. It’s not like you want me. Elliot invited me out, I’m here for him. Not you.”

If I thought it was silent before, it was void of even a breath now. Harry looks like steam could be coming out of him and just like a switch, he backs away and straightens out. His face falls into neutral as he nods.

“As you wish.” He turns, with a last cold look at Elliot, he walks out. Everyone watches him go and as soon as he does there’s a burst of excited chatter.

“What was that about,” I turn to Elliot.

“The past.” He says vaguely before ordering me a second drink. I didn’t even realise I stress drank the first one.

The bartender eyes me as he hands me over the drink.

“Thanks,” I slide it closer to me.

“Remember what I said,” he mumbles as he glances at Elliot and walks away. Did everyone have something against Elliot? But when I look at him he looks too sweet to have ever done something bad enough to hold a grudge. Everything but his eyes, there’s an icy glint to them that wasn’t there before Harry interrupted. The past must be something formidable.

“Let’s go to my table,” Elliot gestures to where he was sitting yesterday. I follow with mixed feelings. Eventually, I decide I was just here for fun. It wasn’t that serious.

***

Dawn creeps on the horizon, and I’m surprised to see it as Elliot helps me into my coat.

“How has it been hours?” I ask as I slip my hands in. “We’ve been talking for so long!”

“I guess so,” Elliot lets go of the jacket and I untuck my hair from underneath. Tonight was...so different than any I’ve ever had. Elliot and I had just talked all night, I barely remember about what. He was funny too. And The Good Folk stayed open with people in and out all night. “It was nice to get to know you.”

“This place is busy as ever, does it ever close?” I glance at the patrons. Some of them don’t even hide their open stare. I was starting to get used to it.

“Closes at sunrise.” Elliot stares.

“Sunrise? It must open late then. That’s an odd schedule.” I think about what Jer said. A place like this would be infamous in London, why had nobody heard of it?

“It’s open sunset to sunrise.”

“Interesting.” I follow Elliot out into the street. The sky is brightening, the midnight black turning into a deep sea blue.

“This is where we part ways Rose.” He says Rose like an enchantment, and my body wants to move closer but I stay where I am. He continues studying me the way he had been all night. I had been studying him too.

“It was really nice. Tonight.”

“I enjoyed myself. Despite the nuisance from early on.”

“Nuisance?” I ask. “Oh. Harry?”

“Harry,” his lip curls. The boyish sweetness bitters before washing away again. “Don’t mind him.”

“Oh I don’t. He helped me out in a pinch yesterday but otherwise I barely know him.”

“In a…pinch?”

“Yeah. It was pretty bad but,” I shrug. “Anyway. I should get home. My friend might start to worry.”

“Of course Rose,” Elliot says. He eyes me for a moment. His brow tightens and he continues, “Maybe I’ll see you again?”

“Maybe,” my heart picks up its pace. “We’ll see.”

His smile stretches his lips, he seemed amused.

With a nod he walks away and turns the corner. I stand there even after I’m unable to see him, and smile into my scarf. I just had an all nighter date with a cute guy who seemed interested in me.

When I tell Jer this he just scoffs.

“Be careful,” he reminds me. “Firstly I’ve never heard of this bar. Secondly how the fuck did this Elliot guy get your address? And thirdly, you don’t get involved with two guys with history. Trust me.”

“Jer,” I roll my eyes. “Okay. The address thing is weird, maybe I said it out loud when I was trying to get a ride home?”

“Still creepy! Hold on-“ he picks up his ringing phone and I wait.

Aside from the address thing, sure. It was a big weird. But Elliot did not give off creepy vibes. I just had to do some more digging if I was interested.

Was I interested? I think of Elliot’s amused blue eyes and blonde hair, his laugh, and the way he made most of the night about me. He didn’t try to kiss me or take me home. We just talked. It was nice.

My mind wanders to Harry. He had taken me home, taken care of everything. Was respectful. But he was kind of overprotective, and aloof. I didn’t care for that.

Elliot was open whereas Harry was hard to read-

“Are you even listening,” Jeremy snaps his fingers in front of my face.

“Huh?” I look up and in the time I had gotten lost in my thoughts, Jeremy had changed into his parka and his boyfriend stands beside him ready to leave.

“Y/N get some rest. I’m worried about you. You can’t just go from one relationship—even if it was a dying one, and hop into a love triangle.”

“Love triangles are messy,” Bryce comments.

“I know! Promise me you’ll take a break. Process your last relationship before you jump into anything new?”

He was right. Of course he was. It had just been such a long time since I felt wanted that I was letting it fuck me up like I was a teen madly in love. I barely knew them. And I’d forgotten all about my cheating ex. On one hand it was good, but I couldn’t slide into anything new.

“Okay. Promise.”

“Good.” Jer sighs. “We’ll be out of your hair by tonight so don’t make me worry about you.”

“What? Why? You two stay the week like I promised!”

“No we need to head back north. He misses the countryside,” Jer points back to his partner.

“The cow shite can wait Bryce, please? Keep me company longer?!”

Jer hugs me against him. “We’ll do lunch today before we’re off okay? Get some sleep though.”

I’ve known Jeremy since I was 11 and he was 10. I had just been placed in a new foster home, the third one I’d been in since I was 6. Jeremy had arrived a month before me, he’d been in the system since he was 9. He had given me the downlow on who to avoid and who was nice, in return I’d stuck up for him when he was picked on. He was a tiny thing then, scrawny and wide-eyed. I had been weathered by the system and didn’t care who was nice and who you had to avoid. I learned after my first home you had to become the person to avoid, and then leave everyone else alone.

We were separated a few years later and found each other on the streets when I was 17 and he was 16. When I turned 18, saved enough money to rent a shitty flat with another girl, I let him crash with me until he could afford his own rent.

We always looked out for each other. He was one of 3 people I considered family. So when he gives me advice, I take it.

***

“No I’m telling you she works at Boots and she complimented my eyeliner.” Jer bangs the table. We’re sat at lunch, a couple day drinks in. “I was like bitch you spat on me when we were 12 and called me ten different kind of slurs!”

“Shut up!” I cover my mouth. “I need to see it for myself.”

“Tomorrow. Visit her. I wonder if she’ll recognize you.”

“Probably not. I look pretty different.” These days I dyed my hair a triage of browns and blondes and grew out of my baby face.

“True. She might compliment your hair.”

“She better not. She used to make fun of how frizzy it got-“

“Until you woke her up with scissors over her hair one night.”

“Shh,” I laugh. “Don’t say my crazy so publicly.”

“It’s not your crazy,” Jer grabs my hand. “It’s what kept you alive. Us.”

We grow quiet as the heavier bits of the memories sink in.

“It was tiring,” I slip my hand away. “Always being switched on. Even now, I can’t help it.”

“Until it comes to men. Then my good friend y/n goes poof and this stranger appears.”

I sigh, I had issues. “I can’t help being fucked up. It’s just like, when I sense they want me something inside me lights up. And I tell myself to calm down but all rational thought disappears!”

“Girl trust me I get it. Until I met Bryce, I was sharing beds with so many people.”

“I remember.” Back then it was me picking him up from random parts of town after being kicked out by a spouse home too early, or a partner back from out of town.

“What’s that bloke’s name? Harry was it? He didn’t want you-“

“Ouch! I know!”

“No not like that!” Jer says. “You seemed into him the first night you came back. Even though he wasn’t into you.”

“Yeah. Maybe just cuz he was nice. Why is finding love so hard? I feel like I’m not cut out for it!”

“You want a love that transcends everything because you read too much romance.”

“Stop being dramatic,” I roll my eyes. But it was true, romance novels were my vice. I couldn’t help but believe in true love.

The one thing I knew about my parents is that my mum died in childbirth and my dad died when I was 3 from heartbreak. He loved her more than he could love the sum of the two of them. He left me behind for her. That was true love.

I had a whole of 2 pictures from my life. One of my mum pregnant with me. Another of my mum and dad before they got pregnant I think. The way they looked at each other—I just want a slice of that. I always believed true love existed simply because I knew the story of my parents.

“Okay. Bryce is texting me nonstop let me see what he wants.” Jer leaves me at the table. I sigh and sip my wine, wishing I wasn’t such a hopeless romantic.

It was the part of me that always got hurt. Every other part I had learned to grow armour on but the part of me that yearned never learned how to.

My chest aches as I think about the love I don’t have. I feel it in the air around me as it quivers with something that feels akin to mourning.

“What are you doing?” I hear from the table next to me. There was a couple seated after us, Jer and I guessed they were colleagues. It was a game we liked to play—guessing the lives of people around us. We’d done it as long as we could remember.

The woman slides her hand up the man’s arm. He’s the one that asked the question. He doesn’t seem into it.

“Sorry,” Jer says, sitting back down just as the woman jerks back.

“I uh-“ she pushes her chair back. “Sorry I don’t know what-“

“Uh oh,” I look at Jer. “They just blurred some coworker lines.”

“No it’s okay. Mags wait-“ the guy manages to her back in her seat and they talk too low to hear.

“Juicy,” we eye them for a few seconds.

“Bryce is picking me up in 15, we need to start heading back otherwise we’ll be driving in traffic.”

“I wish you stayed the week.” I pout.

“Your 1.5 bedroom flat isn’t big enough for all of us. Call me when you finally get that promotion and buy a bigger flat.”

“You’ll be the first person I call. You know that.”

“I know that.” He smiles.

“When will you be in town next?”

“Not for a while unless my best friend decides to do something stupid.”

“I won’t,” I promise him. “Maybe I’ll come up to you in November.”

“Open invitation.” Jer reminds me.

I go home to an emptier flat, it makes me feel more lonely than I should. I never had a lot of people in my life, I’d grown accustomed to being alone. To loneliness.

But as an adult, the pangs dug in just as deep.

I soothe it by falling asleep early.

All I remember of my dreams are intense colours and emotions, vibrant landscapes and a looming sense of dread. I wake up drenched in sweat, the second time that week that my dreams were that intense. Maybe I should be visiting a doctor.

***

I feel like I’m wasting potential as I sit in my flat on a Friday night. I had been laying on my couch for the last two hours, first scrolling through my phone, then being jumpscared by a post from my ex, then zoning out to a movie, before going back on my phone.

The cycle is vicious. And all I can think of is Elliot. No. I couldn’t think of Elliot.

Maybe I should join one of those dating apps. Hopeless romantic looking for true love, but also dtf to fill the time.

God. I was miserable.

Something inside me is drawn to go back to the pub. To the patrons that loved to stare. To the pair of eyes I didn’t mind stared.

“Jer said no.” I say out loud. Well, he didn’t say no. Just not to do anything rash. To process my emotions. “Fine.”

I continue laying on my couch. Let my ex flit through my mind. I thought I loved him. I think I just liked the idea of him. After the initial lover phase, we were really in two different places all the time.

I sink deeper into the couch. Who have I loved? Have I ever lover anyone romantically?

I remember a guy I dated when I was 24. It lasted 8 months and 14 days. Jer had had to sleep on the couch for a week because the day I was broken up with I’d found my way to his flat, crashed on his bed, and stayed glued onto his mattress.

Until he had to physically carry me into a shower and spray me with water. But that’s another story.

He was the closes thing I felt to love. To loved. He moved to Mexico. I remember he told me it was wrong timing. I remember thinking I was cursed.

I sink further and further into the couch.

I was 28 and never really loved anyone. How pathetic was that?

Suddenly I can’t breathe. It feels like the couch was drowning me whole like quicksand.

Even pulling myself out feels like quicksand, I use all my strength to sit up and only then do my lungs inflate with a deep breath.

“Holy fuck.” I gasp.

What the fuck was that!?

I look back at my couch but it looks back the exact same. It felt like it was swallowing me moment earlier. What the fuck!

I had to get out of here.

That’s how I find myself at the local corner store buying junk, and browsing the crisps.

“Sweet tooth?”

“Huh?” I nearly jump at the sight of Elliot. “Wha-Elliot?”

“Rose.”

“What are you…are you stalking me?”

“Stalking?”

“What are you doing here?”

He tucks his hands in his pockets, that’s when I note how casual he was dressed. Slacks and a half-zip.

“I was at a party nearby,” his eyes flicker over the items in my hand.

“Weird coincidence.” He knew my address, I knew that.

“It might appear that way. What are you doing now?”

“Um…” I glance down at my hands. “Buying…stuff.”

“Want to join us? The party’s by the water.”

If it was a fake party he wouldn’t be inviting me. Unless he was going to take me to a second location to do something worse.

“I’m busy so…”

“Oh. My apologies.” He gets formal very quickly but his eyes crinkle with a smile, the blueish grey drawing me in. “I’ll let you get on.”

“Well,” he wasn’t pushy. Maybe I should see this party. See the people he hung out with. “Maybe I can drop by for a little bit? It’s nearby?”

“10 minute by walking.”

“I don’t need this then,” I pool my items onto a random shelf. “We can go when you want.”

He goes to the front with his items and at the last second I buy a pack of cigarettes. I tried to drop the habit many times but ever since I got back from my vacation I’d picked it up again. I tried not to blame my ex.

“Those aren’t very good for you.” Elliot eyes the pack as I slip them into my pocket.

“You’re telling me you’ve never smoked a cigarette in your life?”

“I have. It doesn’t taste very good.”

“I don’t think they’re supposed to taste good,” I can’t help but laugh.

“So what are they good for?” He asks and it’s so bizarre because he seemed genuinely curious about it.

“Um? Stress relief? Comfort?”

“Sounds like something a lover should offer.”

I nearly walk into traffic when he says it. So bluntly. Kind of like how Harry spoke. I wonder if they just grew up so rich they were from another world.

“Sure if you have one. Lovers are fleeting and temporary. Cigarettes—they’re permanent. Until I guess…you fuck your lungs up so much you become fleeting and temporary. Shit sorry.”

Elliot looks at me with confusion, like I was speaking an alien language. Maybe he didn’t get the joke. I dunno. I grow quiet instead.

“So what exactly is it you do?” I ask after a bout of silence. I can’t remember if he’s told me this in our conversation the other night.

“What do you mean I do?”

“Like in life? To earn money and all that?”

“In life? I lead.”

I glance up at him after the douchey answer. Oh he was serious.

“Cool so you’re like, upper management at your company or like you own the business?”

He cocks his head, “I manage my company yes. But I don’t own anything yet. I report to someone above me.”

“Right.” He was being very literal. And it sounded like nepotism. I didn’t want the headache of knowing what his company did so I don’t bother with more questions.

He leads me down a set of steps and to the canal. People sit along the grassy bank and I’m a bit surprised to see them.

“Elliot my man!” Someone shouts. “Did you bring the beer?”

Elliot holds up a hand holding two cases. I think back, I don’t remember him buying two. But I could have been too busy checking out his backside. I needed help.

“So Rose,” Elliot says after handing the drinks over. “I would like to see you again. Talk some more. Maybe come clean about all this.”

“All what?” I ask.

“The truth of your parents, how you came to The Good Folk-“

“My parents?” What did he know about my parents?

“Yes. You spoke about them the other night.”

“I did?” I blink to clear the cobwebs but I have a hard time recalling exactly what Elliot and I discussed. Mostly just that it was a nice time.

“Rose,” Elliot gets out in front of me and places a hand on my shoulder. His eyes are intense as they bore into me. “I’m not a threat. I was only curious.”

What a weird fucking thing to say.

I pull my cigarettes out. “I need a smoke.”

“Need?” He lets go of my shoulder, eyebrow raised. “Is it all consuming?”

“Sure?” I just needed to step away. There were too many people around for this not to be safe but I wanted space from Elliot. He was being weird.

“Understood.” He backs away. “I’ll wait until the need is satisfied.”

“Thanks?” I mutter. I step away and as soon as I do at least 3 women replace me and tug at him to join their group. His eyes linger on mine as he walks away with them and I look away.

I move further away from the group, closer to the underpass of a small bridge.

I take out a cigarette and place it in my mouth before I pat my pockets, and realize I had no lighter.

Shite.

I note a few people sitting around, a bright dot hovering around their faces. People had lighters. I could ask one of them.

But the more I look at everyone, the more I want to stay in the shadows. What was I doing here? Jer would kill me if he found out. Maybe I should text him. No, he’d freak out. Fuck!

I lean against the stone wall, pressing my lips against the cigarette still dangling in my mouth. The paper glides smoothly between my lips, the familiar smell of tobacco drifting up to my nose.

The air around me grows cooler and I close my eyes, tilting my head back. Trying to ground myself. The stone is uneven behind my head but it doesn’t matter. I feel cloaked in the dark, embraced by it. I feel safe.

I take a few deep breaths, the joint between my lips a prop for the time being.

As my body relaxes and my mind wanders, Harry’s face materializes before me; if I wasn’t so relaxed it might have scared me.

His green eyes search mine like they’d done before. He leans in closer, the darkness surrounding him. The only light comes from a smoke between his own lips. It throws shadows on his cheekbones, making him look like he was carved from marble.

We’re locked in a staring contest but it doesn’t feel weird. He’s part of the darkness, staring into his eyes keeps me grounded.

He leans down, closer to me. The orange tip of his cigarette touches mine and I can even feel the heat of it, smell the smoky air around us.

I inhale slowly, its an intimate gesture—him giving me light. My smoke catches fire and he leans away with a small smirk, away until the darkness swallows him and I’m alone again.

I take in a deep breath to sigh but smoke shoots down my throat.

I throw my eyes wide open as I cough. The cigarette goes flying out of my mouth and my eyes water.

“What the fuck?” I cough out uncontrollably.

My cigarette lies on the ground in front of me, dying embers on its tip.

What. I crouch down and it really is mine. How could that be?

I hold it to my lips and inhale. Exhale.

It was lit.

I whip my head around, was Harry here? Did I not imagine that?

But the closest person is making out with someone else on the other side of the bridge. No one had been here. Unless they’d lit it while I had my eyes closed and walked away.

A chill goes up my spine.

I had to go home. This was getting weird.

When I tell Elliot I was going to go home he’s flanked by half a dozen girls. They look at me with disdain but I ignore it. I was used to looks like that.

“You had your cigarette?” Elliot asks.

“Yeah. Oh. Sorry I didn’t offer one. Did you want-“

“That’s not my smoking preference,” he smiles and he’s the man in the pub again. Kind eyes and an infectious smile. “Meet me at the pub one of these nights Rose?”

“I can’t promise anything,” I play with the pack in my pocket, eager to leave.

“I don’t expect you to,” Elliot says seriously.

“Okay. Well. I’ll try to make it.”

“Great.”

I leave behind a weary smile and hitch it back home.

***

I wake up again drenched in sweat. This whole week I’d been having intense dreams, but all I remember when I wake up is how chaotic it was. The rest slips away like sand in the breeze. It’s frustrating because they feel similar, like I should be remembering what they’re saying.

“Have you been smoking pot?” Lydia asks. I’m back at work that Monday and I’m detailing to my friend who’s serving me my coffee.

Lydia and I met in uni when we were 19. Like all people, I’d been wary and guarded with her back then. But she’d been persistent and earned my trust somehow. We’d been best friends since. I’d watched her come up with and execute this idea of owning her own cafe all on her own. It was London’s top 5 book cafes. And even though it was out of my way I tried to come here most days for coffee.

“No, but it’s making me sleep so shitty.” I complain. “I wish I could just pop a nyquil and call it quits for the night.”

“I can hook you up with magnesium? It’s supposed to be superb.”

I grab my cup from her, “I’ll get super drunk tonight. Blackout for free.”

“Not alone,” she comes around the counter and hugs me. “You were mia this last week. I’m coming over with wine tonight and you catch me up on it.”

I sigh and agree. It would be a lot to cover.

The work day is lost in the bustle of catching up and meetings. By the time I see Lydia again I feel like someone could tip me over and I’d crash. But after putting on some face masks and pouring a generous helping of wine I settle in and tell her all about it.

“So mysterious,” she says when I’m done. Obviously I leave out the weird parts, like the pub moving physically and having my cig light up on its own because I’m not even entirely sure it happened. “The Harry guy seems like a gentleman. The other bloke seems a bit too coincidental to not be creepy.”

“But Harry was being so possessive.”

“Pink flag?” Lydia asks.

“Maybe. Jer said to stay away from it all. Honestly I need a man break? I think after my last relationship I just need to be alone again. I’ve been trying to fill the hole of loneliness with who I can date next. It’s gross.”

“It’s not gross,” she nudges me. “It’s human. Wanting connection.”

“Yeah,” I think on it. “I guess it is. Lord knows I didn’t get enough of it as a child.”

“There you go. We can’t help it. But maybe I agree with Jer? Lay off the relationships. Doesn’t mean you can’t do the horizontal mambo with whoever you want.”

“Dee!” I laugh. “Why do you have the worst names.”

She smirks behind her wine glass, probably considering it a win for making me laugh.

She stops herself early since she had to get back home and I carry the remains of the bottle to bed. Wine made me sleepy and just the same I knock out shortly after. And I don’t wake with a fright the next morning but as my dreams drift away I know they were crazy. This time I remember something about sticks. Random but I remember.

As I ride the tube to work I try to keep a reign on my hangover. I’d had plenty of water last night and popped some painkillers this morning yet my vision is blurry and everyone looks hazy around the edges.

I look to the woman sitting in front of me. She looked pleasant enough but there’s a ring of gray around her that bleeds into the pink of a little boy sitting next to her. His feet don’t quite hit the ground and they swish back and forth. It’s mesmerizing actually and I nearly miss my stop.

You’d think it gets better but the haziness stays the whole day. I should book an eye doctor too, I think somewhere in my brain. Whatever Lydia brought over last night was strong.

On Friday night Lydia invites me over to her place. She had a few friends over that was part of her couple group—her and partner Damon. And I hung out with them occasionally. With not much else to do I join them.

The week had been taxing and I’d had random bursts of feeling off throughout but I never got sick. Googling anything just told me I should rest, that I should expect a migraine after seeing these bursts of colours, that maybe I had a tumour. But nothing pans out.

“Ouch,” Damon says when he opens the door to me.

“That’s rude.” I shove the bottle I brought in his chest and move past him. I hear Lydia humming in her room and head straight to it.

“Something fucked up happened in the flat nex-“ She gasps when she sees me. “Y/N! Love are you alright!?”

“I’m fine—no I’m not. I think I’m going mad. Like proper mad.”

“No sit. Sit!” She pats her bed and kneels in front of me. “Damo can you get Y/N some water!?”

“Sorry. I wasn’t going to show. But I thought sitting in my flat would be worse-“

“Are you sick?” She lays a hand on my forehead. “Your temp’s alright.”

“I’m not sick! The doctor’s won’t prescribe me anything because I’m not anything! I’ve just had the shittiest sleep of my life the last week, I keep getting these weird migraine symptoms without the migraines, and I keep thinking I see something in the corner of my eye and I don’t! Nothing’s there!”

That was something that was new yesterday. Shapes moving around me but when I look everything is normal and still.

“Fuck!” Damon walks into the room just as the glass he’s holding breaks. “What the-“

“Nobody move!” Lydia screeches and I am so on edge I nearly scream at her to quiet down. “Damon what the actual fuck!?”

“I don’t know! I didn’t drop it it literally combusted in my hand.”

“You were probably squeezing it!” Dee accuses him.

“It was probably after getting one look at her,” Damon points to me. I flip him off and lay back onto the bed. I couldn’t even offer any help to pick up the glass.

I take a deep breath in, and out. In. And out.

I drift off, I imagine myself in the clouds, drifting through the air. I imagine a clean gust of air flowing into my lungs. And then out.

When I finally come back to reality Damo is emptying the glass into the bin and Lydia is dragging a wet rag across the floor.

“I’m sorry,” I sit up. “I should help.”

“No.” Damon holds his hand up at the same time Lydia does. “Just go to sleep if you need it. Just don’t worry about this. Or the party. Seriously y/n.”

“Yeah,” Dee puts her hands on her hips. “We’re worried about you. Just take it easy.”

“I feel a bit better. I just needed a moment. Riding the tube had been sensory overload lately.”

“Stay in our guest bed tonight,” Dee offers, glancing at Damon who nods. “Change of scenery.”

As Lydia’s friends arrive I take my spot amongst them. I engage in light catching up, I wasn’t against socializing but tonight I mostly listen.

I try to ignore the way the room changes around the people who talk. Sometimes it feels comforting and orange and other times the temperature drops and it feels like everything is metallic. It sounded mental but that’s how it felt.

The more I drink the more the colours come back.

Lydia’s is like a sunset and as the night goes on it deepens. Damon’s is like Christmas lights, red bleeding into a deep green.

A few friends have similar colours, others complement each other’s. I wonder for a brief moment if anything I ate had pot but nobody says anything.

As the company loosens, I step outside for a smoke.

Halfway through one, I hear the door open behind me and close.

“Doing that again?”

I turn to the familiar face. Sean, I’d known him since final year at uni. We’d been casual friends but with him being Damon’s brother we interacted frequently enough it was more than casual with how much we knew about each other but we weren’t friends enough to ever hang out alone. He’s actually how Damon and Dee met.

“I’m gonna stop.”

“Like always.”

“If you followed me out here to judge me I’m good.”

“I didn’t. I just got here and I saw you alone outside.” He walks up next to me. He brings with him warmth and even though it’s not too cold outside I can’t help but savour it.

“You got here late.” I comment. “You want one?”

“I quit last year y/n.” He reminds me.

“So did I,” I say wryly. He cracks a smile, it’s toothy. The same smile he’s always had.

“One of my friends had a kid a few weeks ago. I was dropping some food off, ended up staying too long.”

“Wow. A kid huh?” I knew people my age—hell, people younger than me, were settled with children. I just couldn’t imagine it.

“Yeah.” He blows air out of his cheeks. “When he first told me he was pregnant I actually said What are you gonna do?!”

“Oh shit,” I look at him. “Was he upset?”

“He thought it was funny,” he glances back to me. “I forget we’re closer to 30 than 20 these days.”

“Tell me about it.”

Sean brushes his hair back, he tended to grow it out and then surprise everyone and shave it every so often. I wondered when the next surprise would be.

The longer I look at him the more his edges light up. It’s a deep blue, it blends into the night but when he steps back against the balcony doors it’s easier to see. It spreads outwards into a purple.

Sean glances back into the house and back to me.

“Are you thinking it’ll be those two next?”

“Huh?” I realize it looks like I was looking inside rather than around him. “Oh. Those two? Maybe not next but soon.”

“She keeps pushing the wedding date. Settling on one I mean.” Sean says. I raise my brow and he explains. “My brother told me. What’s up with that?”

A ripple of something flows through me. It aches a little. I step back to a chair and sit down.

I think about everything I knew about Lydia. I knew why. We all had childhood problems—her mum was trapped in her relationship with Dee’s dad and the Lydia I knew told me she would never sign a contract to keep a relationship. It had surprised the hell out of me when she said yes a couple years ago. But I guess she was now coming around to realizing she would have to give up the one thing she swore she’d never do.

“Damon probably knows about Dee’s parents,” I say. “Maybe tell him to jog his brain a little. Put the pieces together.”

Sean chokes out a laugh. “Okay. Whatever that means. Hey what about you? What happened to office guy?”

“That’s over,” I say.

“Shit. I’m gonna grab a drink first. Then I want to hear about it.”

“There’s nothing to…” Sean’s gone before he can hear me out. I sigh. I came out here to be alone.

I look out to the view, I would never get tired of this city. Its streets ran through me like my veins. I loved it here.

I can see the train going past and I think of the people on it. People with so many different colours.

I hear sniffling and look to the door but Sean’s still not back.

I turn to the divider behind me. It sounded like it was coming from there. I inch back and it’s distinct. Someone on the other side of this balcony was crying.

“Hello?” I call out. But they don’t respond. Oh god, what was neighbourly etiquette? Do i acknowledge it or ignore it?

Wait. I wasn’t even a neighbour here.

I walk to the edge and lean over so I can get a look into the balcony. I was right. A woman with cropped hair and a pantsuit on cries into her hand.

“Hey, sorry I don’t mean to intrude but-“

I gasp when she looks up at me. So does she. Her eyes are pools of black. Or it looks that way in the light. She swivels her head behind her but there’s nobody there. She looks back to me and points to herself.

“Yeah! You!” I laugh. “What’s wrong? Are you alright? Are you safe?”

“I-“ she takes a step back. “Who-“

“I don’t live here. Sorry i know I’m being nosey,” I let her know. “I just heard you crying and-“

“I’m not okay,” the woman has a thick accent. It sound Baltic. “How do you see me?”

“Uhh,” I try to make sense of her question and answer, hoping I didn’t lose it in her translation. “You look sad. You’re crying obviously you’re sad I just-“

“I don’t know what to do,” she whispers.

“What do you mean?”

“I stay here or I move on. I’m scared.”

“Oh. Move on like move out? Where are you moving?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know

“Well where are the people you love? Who love you?” I always imagined leaving this city, this country. Build a life far away. But every time it came back to being close to the few I loved or not. And every time I chose them.

“Here.” She sniffles. “In the end I wanted to stay.”

“If it matters to you, I’d vote stay. But I also don’t know your life so-“

“Y/n?”

“Huh?” I whip my head to the sound of my name. Sean closes the door behind him, two beers in hand, concern etched into his face.

“Are you…talking to someone?”

“Oh yeah,” I whisper. “The woman there seemed upset.”

I lean over again to apologize but she’s gone. Damnit.

“Nevermind. She left.”

“Are you fucking with me? There was a woman there?” Sean asks.

“Yeah! I just wanted to make sure she was alright.”

“Huh.”

“What?”

“Didn’t you hear? About next door?”

“What?”

“The woman next door attempted…yknow. To end her life. But since we’re on the second floor it…she’s like, in the hospital now. On life support.”

“What?” My heart sinks. Lydia was saying something fucked up when I walked in. Is that what it was? “Maybe that was her sister crying? Or her lover?”

“No it’s empty. It’s got tape all over it until police clear it.”

My heart sinks even lower. I feel it like a lead weight. Who was the woman I was talking to?

“Anyway tell me about your tragedy,” Sean hands me a beer and I take it, my mind still reeling from the news.

“Um. It’s not really one. The relationship fizzled out.”

“Really? That’s it?”

“Well what about you? Last Christmas I heard you were dating a hot goth?”

“Who said that? Damo?”

“Maybe? So?”

“No! I brought her to a party but it wasn’t serious. And she wasn’t a goth. Just wore all black jeez.”

I laugh and the colours on the edge of Sean melt into pink. It’s a pretty sight even if it’s just in my head.

“I haven’t been all that lucky in love,” Sean sighs. He glances back inside. “But I look at my brother and think if he can find it I can too.”

It makes me laugh. Sean and I have always teamed up to shit on Damo for no other reason than it was fun. I never had siblings growing up and the dynamic, I imagine, felt like one.

“Do you see kids in the future?” He asks out of nowhere.

“Woah. Um. I don’t know. I can’t imagine it honestly, with the childhood I had…”

Sean nods. “I think you’d actually understand exactly what a child would need. I think you’d be good raising a child.”

“Maybe,” I shrug. “I think I’m also going insane so right now it’s a no.”

He chuckles. “Was that part of your insane bit? Talking to a ghost next door?”

When he says the G word a shiver travels down my spine. I remember the stranger seemed surprised I was talking to her.

No. It couldn’t be. I didn’t even believe in ghosts. The police must have lifted the tape. It was her relative or something.

“I think I’m a little drunk.” I change the subject.

“How are you getting home?” Sean asks.

“Might crash here. I…I think I’m actually going inside now.”

“Oh-oh yeah okay,” Sean steps aside so I can walk past him. He was like a human furnace with how warm he was. I leave him outside and head straight to the guest room. I couldn’t stay here. I didn’t want to worry my friends or do something crazy. The woman next door freaked me out too much.

I grab my jacket and purse and sneak out, texting Lydia an apology once I start walking home.

I thought about taking the train but I couldn’t handle the people. If I walked for a half hour there was a bus that was 10 minutes to my flat.

So I walk in the quiet night, interrupted by the occasional car or group of friends. I spot a fox as I walk and keep to my side of the street. I watch the silhouettes of the trees move gently in the light breeze, I watch as squares of light flick on or off as its inhabitants live their lives. I feel apart of it and outside of it.

I’ve always viewed the world this. I always feel I was this way—apart of something bigger but also on the periphery. Maybe it was growing up in the foster system, or simply always wearing my armour in order to survive. All I ever wanted was people. People to call all my own. Where I was so deep into something bigger that I never questioned where I stood.

Nearly to the bus stop I hear a familiar tune in the air. My palms go clammy as I follow it. I know where I was going to end up. But I was in a completely different part of town. So it was actually impossible.

And there it is. The Good Folk.

What the fuck was this sorcery.

The cherry on top: standing outside arguing with a woman was Harry.

My feet lead me without a single thought in my head.

[dinneratdahmers]

May I speak for everyone when I ask are you ok? Did everything go fine? We hope you’ve just been too busy having fun and living life to the fullest to post any update. 🫶

Hi anonymous friend. Details below the cut.

Things did not go as fluidly as planned but this was a first time experience for all of us. It was very healthy, lots of communication and patience. We had fun and it was a definite bonding experience for us all. But, my husband ended up having a hard time with it - he got in his head and was unable to really enjoy watching me pleasure another man. He was upset with himself because he felt he was disappointing me.

We ended up stopping the experience early, because I’m not comfortable with continuing anything that he is not 100% enjoying too. His comfort comes before my desires and always will.

We did have a period of time where he was really into it and I felt comfortable getting really into it and that was amazing. They were both standing in front of me and I was on my knees going back and forth from cock to cock, I even got to fit them both in my mouth at once a few times!! And we did get a little video clip of that which I’ll cherish as a sexy memory forever.

T stayed the night and so yesterday morning we all hung out, played some games and smoked and stuff for a few hours before he headed back home. Everything felt totally normal between all three of us. We definitely made a good choice choosing him as the one to try this with. The respect for him as Justin’s wife was astronomical. He is an amazing friend and all three agreed even though it didn’t go as perfectly and sexily as we planned in our minds, it was still an exciting experience and we feel very close and connected to him now, more than we did before.

I am so grateful to have a husband who is able to hear my desires and do everything he can to make them reality. He went from apprehensive to excited and turned on at the thought. We had no way of knowing how anyone would feel in the moment until it happened and neither T nor I wanted Justin to feel ashamed or embarrassed. We created boundaries before we started and they were all respected. All in all, I do not consider it a failure but a really beauty experience that taught Justin and I a lot about our love for each other.

We agreed that maybe in the future we might try again. At the very least, have T watch us have sex because he did watch him eat out and Justin loved that part of it. T told him he needed pointers because the way he had me squirming and making noises was impressive 😂

Thanks for checking in. I just needed a bit of quality time with Justin to process it all and make sure he felt secure and loved before I shared any updates. ❤️

[asordinaryppl]

A3! Main Story: Part 4 - Act 16: Crossing Paths - Episode 16: Unfading Presence

this episode references the epilogue of sunny blanc! you can read a translation of the event story by the-himawari here

Chikage: Huh… Well, why not? Just be careful.

Hisoka: Did you notice, Chikage? That he… that November is nearby.

Chikage: You told me about a boy that knew someone who knew Misha before, didn’t you? I looked into that a little.

Chikage: I was going to keep an eye on him and act accordingly if anything happened, but he doesn’t seem to be causing any trouble so far.

Chikage: I figured he’d return to HQ eventually, but it seems he’s still wandering around.

Chikage: If you plan on meeting him, I’m not going to stop you.

Hisoka: I wasn’t expecting that…

Chikage: Only because it’s him we’re talking about. Besides, if you don’t talk to him, he’ll probably just keep watching you forever.

Hisoka: He’s so bad at erasing his presence that it bothers me… I don’t wanna.

Chikage: Tell him that yourself.

-

Hisoka: Zzzz…

Azuma: Sorry for making you do this so early in the morning.

Tasuku: I’m always up by this time for my run, so I don’t really mind.

Tasuku: Mikage doesn’t seem sorry at all though, as usual.

Azuma: It seems he was working at the bar yesterday to make up for his upcoming absence.

Tasuku: We made it to the station, but… Guess I’m gonna have to carry him to the platform. If we wait for him to wake up, you’ll definitely miss your train.

Azuma: I was sure you’d do that, knowing you.

-

Hisoka: Zzz… zzz…

Tasuku: Hey, wake up already.

Azuma: Maybe he’ll wake up if we give him marshmallows.

Hisoka: Amph…

Tasuku: You awake?

Hisoka: One more…

Tasuku: You’re awake, aren’t you!?

Azuma: Here you go.

Hisoka: Nomnom… I’m awake now.

Tasuku: Actually, couldn’t we have just done this from the start?

Azuma: Fufu, now that you mention it.

Azuma: Thanks for driving us.

Hisoka: We’ll be going now…

Tasuku: I’ll come pick you up when you get back, so please let me know.

Azuma: Are you sure? You’ll have your hands full with the drama filming.

Tasuku: My filming period isn’t that long, unlike Tsumugi’s. I should be done by the time you’re back.

Azuma: Is that so. That’d be greatly appreciated.

Hisoka: … Good luck on your filming.

Tasuku: You guys stay safe too.

Azuma: Mhm. We’ll be going now.

previous episode | masterpost | next episode

INSTE POST:

mashuhiso.

Going out with Azuma. Our destination's a secret

[manestjerne]

Let me save you pt. VI

Juice Ortiz x female

Word count: 6.7k

Warnings: blood, bad language, violence, mentions of sex(?), angst

A/N: Hi guys! Sorry for such a long break, I had this in my drafts for some time, but couldn't get myself to post it, but I'm back now and I'll try to be more consistent 🫶🏻

Walking to the kitchen alone in the morning was a really bad decision. The place was a complete mess and so many things I never wanted to see flashed before my eyes. Passing a few people I really wanted to stop and make sure they’re still alive, but gladly I just walked pass by the disgusting scene, making sure I won��t put my foot in anything on the floor, either people or weird, unrecognized substances. Too early to eat anything as always I just poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down by the kitchen table, praying no one walks in. I haven’t talked with anybody besides Juice about yesterdays situation and I wasn’t sure if they approved what I did. Gemma is probably proud. Looking at the shelves filled with instant food packages I realized I used to do much worse things. Yeah, but you were home. Your place. It’s not my place anymore, but it was back then. I don’t think I have my place now, but it’s definitely not here. Showing up at night looking like I was hit by a truck and then showing some attitude to a girl who’s from here was probably not the best option. Was it? I locked my eyes on a canned chicken soup and my stomach turned upside down. That’s disgusting. 

- Hey - I flinched when Bobby pulled me out of my thoughts 

- You’re up early.

It’s not early, but looking at how many people were still passed out it was surprising to see someone alive.

- Decided to give my liver a rest yesterday - he replied calmly pouring himself a cup of fresh coffee and sitting next to me - What about you? 

- My liver deserved a rest years ago, I’m too old for that kind of parties - I said jokingly to keep the conversation as far from the shattered glasses as I could 

- I don’t know how he did that, but Chibs told us you’re not letting things like that slide easily. 

Shit, my brilliant plan didn’t work.

- Look, I don’t want to sound like a toddler, but she started. I’m not here to cause any drama.

- Actually - he looked down trying to hide his smile - I’m sure some people there were glad somebody finally did that. 

- What do you mean? - he tried to lock his eyes with mine but I kept looking at the chicken soup in the corner 

- See, Ima is the CaraCara girl.  Not many are fond of her, but she’s making good money with Layla, and there’s actually no reason to get rid of her, a pornstar being annoying and slutty is not that much of a deal when you think about it. I work at the studio as an accountant so I spend quite a lot of time with the girls, maybe I don’t know them that well, but you know…

- Deep inside she’s just a lost, lovely girl? - I asked with a little sarcasm when I saw him struggling to finish the sentence, but he bursted out laughing 

- No, she’s really just an annoying slut, I don’t know where I was going there.

I finally left the soup and looked at him laughing, felt a smile forming on my face.

- Just don’t blame yourself, you sat here looking like you had a moral hangover.

- I don’t actually blame myself, but feels like I needed someone else to say that, thanks Bobby.

He replied with a warm smile. 

- I should go and finish the party for good now, see you later.

I sat there for a minute after he left. It’s kinda sad people approach me when I’m just sitting alone, my resting face must be extremely depressed. I slowly got up from the chair and dragged my feet back to the bedroom. When I walked into the room Juice just got out of the bathroom. I looked at the single cup of coffee in my hand. Lovely. 

- And that’s… for you - I smiled and handed him the cup which he accepted with his hand still wet from the shower

- Oh wow, so lovely, you went there just to get me a coffee and didn’t even think about yourself? - he took a sip and handed me the cup back with a smile 

- I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that. 

He would bring me a coffee. 

- Who were you talking to? - he asked calmly but I felt shivers anyway

- No one. 

Why would I lie? What’s the point? He turned back to me and laughed politely to ensure me he’s not mad, but curious. 

- You were sitting there for so long alone? Come on, I just want to know if you’re getting along with anybody - he still smiled softly putting on  his shirt 

- Oh, excuse me? - I laughed forgetting about how uncomfortable I just was - I was talking with Bobby, but just so you know, I get along with a lot of people here. Like Lyla, she’s great. And Chibs. And Tig. Oh, and Opie, yeah, Opie’s cool. And… And Chucky! 

- Okay, alright - he wrapped his arms around me to stop me from thinking of more names - I’m glad you’re feeling good here. 

- Yeah, about feeling good, it’s great here, but can we go home? 

- Sure - he said not letting me go

- I believe you have to let me go so I can grab my stuff and get in the car. 

- Oh Christ, sorry I was even touching you princess. Want me to carry you so your shoes don’t get too dirty? - he responded handing me my bag 

How is he smiling all the time? That’s probably the thing I love about him the most, but that’s also something to think about. On our way to the car we stopped at the bar. Bobby sitting on the stool with his face hidden in his hands was looking pretty pathetic. But not so pathetic as all the people still lying in different, sometimes weird places. 

- How was your finishing the party? - I asked putting my hand on his shoulder, he patted it lightly 

- Just as you can see. You know what? - he looked at our bags - I’m going home too, Clay should handle this, I’m not responsible for other charters, am I? 

- You should go - Juice said firmly, exactly as he needed, Bobby immediately got up and walked us to the car 

- I believe todays vote will be postponed for tomorrow - he said before Juice sat behind the wheel - use your day off well.

Looking at me he smiled once again and next seconds Juice was starting the engine. 

- Gross - I said jokingly 

- What do you mean? 

- That thing about your “day off”. Use it well. On me? Come on. 

- That’s not what he meant - he sounded serious, but a smile was still fully visible on his face 

- Then what did he mean? 

- He definitely meant my bike, I should work on it - he now laughed out loud - by the way, you saw it? 

I moved my head and looked out through the window. 

- Saw what? 

- My bike. 

- Yeah, I see it pretty much everyday, it’s hard to not see it when you live with a biker. It’s nice, even lovely I’d say. 

- I don’t mean that one. 

I kept looking through the window acting like I don’t know about the other one hidden in the garage. He shouldn’t be mad, I definitely didn’t break anything, but maybe he doesn’t know I’ve touched it, why should I tell him myself? 

- You have more than one bike? That’s so cool - I smiled to myself and felt him staring at the back of my head 

- Y/n, you know I won’t be mad. 

- Mad? About what? - I realized he can see my face in the reflection on the glass so I immediately stopped smiling and looked at him. 

- Just wanted to tell that you did well - he smiled at my reaction - must’ve taken you a few hours, huh? 

- I’m sorry, but it’s pretty boring to be alone and not at home, I was looking for anything to do. And when did you even have time to see that I’ve touched it? I left all the tools exactly where they were before, you have like a dairy or what? - I laughed and realized we were pulling into the driveway 

- Sometimes when I can’t sleep and think too much I go there trying to relax, so you don’t know I did that probably because you were sleeping. 

- You know - I stopped because he rushed to open the door for me right after he parked - you know you can talk to me? I’m probably better at that stuff than your secret bike. 

- I’m not schizophrenic or anything, I do all the talking in my head so it won’t be weird. 

I just gave him a meaningful look and followed him inside. 

- I’m worried about tomorrow - I said after settling on the couch 

- What’s tomorrow? Your first day at work? - my blank stare must’ve said everything because he continued without my answer - Why? You did all that nursing stuff before, didn’t you? 

- No, I’ve actually never done that, that’s why they hired me. What’s wrong with you today? - I took a sip of  my tea waiting for his response wondering if I’m not too harsh, but he laughed as softly as always 

- I think I’m just tired. 

- Tired of bitches hitting up on you all night? 

- Alright, from what I can remember there was only one bitch hitting up on me yesterday. 

- And I really hope you mean Ima - I laughed 

I was pretty shocked I got over it so fast and didn’t overthink what happened last night. 

- Well, you definitely don’t need to beg me for attention so I definitely didn’t mean you. 

Is this about the “I love you” thing? I really don’t want to talk about this now. 

- Good to hear that - I smiled and run to another topic immediately - so do we have a free evening today or you want to go check in at the club? 

- Remember what Bobby said? - he asked playfully 

- Oh come on, I’m serious now.

- Yeah, me too. How about a movie night? 

- How about a walk? 

Looking at his face I could see my question put him off guard. 

- What? - I laughed at the silence 

- Where do you want to go? - his tone became more firm and calm

- I don’t know, aren’t there any parks here? - I laughed and grabbed his thigh gently - Juice, if you don’t want to we don’t have to do that, I just asked. But I’d still like to know what’s so terrible about walks. 

I tried to stop smiling but the fact that he looked terrified by the idea of taking a walk was pretty hilarious. 

- No, I’m sorry, of course we can go for a walk, it’s just that I prefer spending my free time at home - he smoothed out the pillow not even looking at me

- Are you really afraid something might happen? - I asked moving other pillows out of his reach when he tried to grab another one 

- l just, you know - I don’t, keep talking - well, many people know me here - he finally got the courage to look at me and his sad puppy eyes literally made me want to cry 

- I’m sorry, but what’s wrong with people knowing who you are? - I truly didn’t understand what he meant and asking was the best option since I wasn’t scared of being embarrassed anymore 

- I’m sorry, I just want you to be safe and I know that there are only two places I can be sure about you not getting hurt, here and at the clubhouse. I know it sounds out of line, but some people want to hurt us and they know their best ways to do that. 

-So the best way to hurt you would be hurting me, huh? - I tried to comfort him and did the literal opposite, but still got a little smile from him 

-I know how it sounds, really. Especially when I told you I’m just a member of a club, but- 

-Yeah, I know it’s not just a club, I’m not that stupid - this time comforting him went a little better and he finally took his hand off the perfectly flattened pillow to grab my hand 

-You’re really important to me, and however unrealistic this sounds, I need to protect you at all costs right now. It’s not always going to be like that, but we got ourselves into some trouble lately. 

-Is it about the drugs? The club trying to leave is just not going as Jax planned? 

Maybe I shouldn’t say that, but on the other hand it might help him to open and talk to me. I already knew more than he thought, why wouldn’t he just talk to me about it now? The silence between us was pretty loud and his concerned face made me want to laugh, but I tried to keep a straight face to show him I’m serious. 

-What do you mean „the drugs”? 

-Oh come on, you really want to play that game? - his question annoyed me a little, even tho I did the same thing all the time 

-How do you even know about that? - he wasn’t angry, more stressed and worried, his hands landing on the pillow again 

-Okay, are you going to answer my question or we don’t have anything to talk about? 

-Yes, it’s about drugs. Leaving the business isn’t as easy as we thought, and Clay is not cooperating with Jax. Except this whole shit with drugs we have a lot going on inside our charter. It looks like nothing is going to be  better unless these two work their shit out, and I don’t think it’s going to happen anytime soon - he opened even a little more than I expected, but I was so glad he finally did that - that’s why I’m worried about you and about what might happen.

-Thank you for being honest with me, I really appreciate that - I gently took the pillow from him and replaced it with my hands - I know you can’t talk a lot about the club stuff, but you can still talk about your feelings, that’s not pathetic, I cried in front of you so many times, come on.

I tried to lighten him up and believed it worked, since he gave me a bright smile. 

-Okay, I’ll try, but for now is it enough? - he chuckled 

-Well, I accept that, but I’ll demand more honesty in the future if you want to spend it with me. 

I looked down, his hands, always steady, now shaking a little, not matching his cheerful smile. His eyes dark, I could even say full of joy. Hiding his emotions started getting harder, or maybe I was better at reading it. 

-You have no idea how much I want that - he smiled so adorably I almost fell for it, but another look at his hands worried me again 

Using how close we were to each other I sat on his laps and let him hide his face in my neck. His hands immediately started wandering around my back and when they found the spot he pulled me closer. I tried to sink in the moment, when he suddenly threw me off his knees, my back landing on the soft couch I was trapped by his body. It was so gentle, yet so fast that I froze under him. 

-The fuck was that? - I asked completely confused 

-I just wanted to see your reaction, but that little scream was so cute - wide smile wasn’t leaving his face, he looked amused by my consternation - are you ticklish? 

-Juan, don’t try that, get off me - I said firmly trying not to laugh

-I promise I’ll start talking about my feelings, I just need some time - he said not moving 

-Okay, okay, I trust you but let me go - I was now laughing with him 

He slowly got up letting me do the same thing. I got closer to his face, putting my hands around his neck and just looked him in the eyes. Juice immediately shortened the distance by kissing me, licking my lip I opened my mouth to let him in when the doorbell interrupted us. He slowly pulled back and rested his forehead on mine and I just started laughing. Like a damn movie. 

-Stay here - he got up and dragged his feet towards the door unlocking it slowly 

-Hey Juicy - I heard Chibs so I made my way to the door, not wanting him to take my boyfriend away from me again 

My who? 

-Hi Chibs, perfect timing, what’s up? 

-The vote’s tomorrow at 6 - he smiled softly to greet me 

-And that’s why you came all the way here? - I asked amused by Juice’s reaction 

-Well, maybe if he’d pick up his damn phone I wouldn’t have to do that - he stepped through the door and closed it - that vote might take a little longer, I talked to the guys from north and they are not giving up so easily, just so you know - he gave Juice a serious look - am I interrupting you? 

-No, we were just going to my old place to get some stuff, since you have so much free time you can come with us to help - I smiled at him and then saw Juice’s face - we talked about it yesterday… 

-Oh yeah, we did, I’m sorry - he brightened up immediately 

-Actually I don’t have anything better to do, you want me to call Tig? 

-That would be nice - I said before Juice even opened his mouth - Juice, you have any empty boxes in your garage? 

-Yeah, there are some. 

-So I’ll call Tiggy and you kids go find some boxes so we can go - Chibs smiled at us once again and went through the door 

-Juice - I said with a straight face - did you mute your phone to „use your time well” with me? - I tried not to smile 

-Of course not - he laughed and started walking towards the garage - I must’ve did that by accident.

-You’re a bad liar, really. 

-I think that’s good - he pinned me to the wall and kissed me softly - will we finish that later? 

-Oh god, stop - I laughed and walked under his hand to free myself - let’s get the boxes, how many do you have? 

-And how many do you want? You have much stuff there? - he started going through the empty boxes and throwing the bigger ones in my direction 

-Well, should I get all of it? Will you get me a place when I can store them? - I asked while folding the boxes and putting them aside 

-Can’t you just unpack here? Why would you keep your things in the boxes? 

I kept my eyes on the flatted pile I just made. 

-You want me to stay here for good? I know you for like a month, I can’t just move in. 

-So you’re just living here temporarily, huh? - he also wasn’t looking at me but I saw him smiling 

-Well, if that’s what you mean then I can tell you I was looking for some houses for sale here. 

He threw a last one at me and came closer. 

-I mean that I want you to feel like at home here. You don’t have to move out, I have plenty of free space, there’s even a free bedroom upstairs if you don’t want to share the bed anymore. 

-Don’t you think it’s a little bit early to live together? We’re not even a couple or anything - I tried not to look at him but he made it impossible

-Aren’t we? - he took the boxes I just folded and went outside - I want you to stay here - he yelled while putting them in the trunk 

-Tig will wait at the clubhouse for us, I believe you want to switch the car for a bigger one if we’re taking all of your shit here - Chibs said when I met them at the driveway 

-Yeah, sure - I sat on the passenger sit and waited for Juice to join me 

We drove to Lodi in silence, but I saw him looking at me from time to time, smile not leaving his face. I was really happy about what he said, but didn’t want to show him that i really care about that. Acting casual wasn’t my best skill, but I both didn’t want to scare him or just ruin what we already had, so I chose to ignore my feelings for now. When we pulled up Juice parked the truck right in front of the door and guys left their bikes a little closer to the street. When we entered the building my hands were empty, nobody let me carry anything so I just led them upstairs and unlocked the door. 

-So there’s no elevator here, huh? - Tig asked when i was fighting with my shaky hands to put the key in 

-Yeah, you’ll have to carry all the boxes alone, or you can let me help you - I said opening the door and letting them in 

-You’re not carrying anything, just focus on the packing - Chibs said letting me go in front of him - stop whining Tiggy. 

But I wasn’t listening to him, what I saw made me freeze where I was standing. Should’ve cleaned that up before leaving. Blood drops on the floor, marking the paths where I was walking before I cleaned myself up. Bloody tissues on the table and now also on the floor, bathroom sink still covered in blood, perfectly visible since I left the door open. 

-That’s quite a lot of blood for such a small person - Tig said and put the boxes down - but we’ve seen worse, don’t worry, where should we start? 

We’ve seen worse? That’s it? Wow. 

-You can get all the stuff from here and the kitchen, I’ll go get the bathroom and bedroom - I said and quietly left with a few boxes in my hands 

I never liked packing, but today it was different. I never wanted to see that apartment again, it was so nice and I loved it with all my heart, but now it was hard to feel safe here. Glad that nobody interrupted me I just focused on packing when I heard someone knocking on the door. I went to check what’s going on, but seeing the three of them froze, just staring at the door made me laugh. 

-Are we expecting any guests? - Chibs asked when I entered the room 

-Why don’t you just check who that is? - I said a little bit more annoyed than I meant to

I walked toward the door and saw all of them reaching their belts, pretty sure what they had there. 

-That’s fucking pathetic - I said looking at their reaction and slowly opened the door 

-I thought you’re not going to open, like you’re mad that I just left you, oh wait, you can’t be mad, because you’re the one who left me - Nat laughed and walked pass me not waiting for an invitation to come inside - oh hello gentleman - she put her bag on the table

-Guys, that’s Nat, Nat this is Tig and Chibs, I think you remember Juice - I smiled looking at their reaction 

-Of course I remember, hi everyone - she started going through her bag looking for something 

-Tig, don’t even try - I said when I saw him walking her way - you’re all being rude right now - I laughed when they just kept looking at her not saying anything and got a quiet “hi Nat” from all three as a response 

-But she’s not going to kill us, right? - Chibs joked looking around at the bloody mess - she’s not the one I guess? 

-Sadly I left all my white weapons at home, so you have advantage over me - she moved her head up and looked at his belt - oh I found it, you’re going for a smoke? - she put her lighter in the pocket and looked at me 

-Sure - I responded quickly and followed her to the balcony - how did you even know I’m here? You’re stalking me or what? - I laughed as soon as the door closed behind us 

-I was just walking by and saw two bikes in front of the building, who else could it be? - she sat on the bench and kept looking at me with her weird, cute smile 

-Why are you looking at me like that? - I laughed - it’s been a week, not like I’ve abandoned you or anything 

-Are you okay? I’m sorry, but your explanations over texts weren’t really convincing - she patted the spot besides her 

-I had some mess to clean up lately - I said sitting down 

-Yeah, pretty cute mess - she looked through the window at guys packing my stuff - you live with them? 

-They don’t live together - I laughed loudly at her question - I’m staying at Juice’s for now, I’m not sure what to do next. 

-He rescued you and let you move in after knowing you for a month? What a hero - I knew it was not fully sarcastic, even tho she tried to sound like it - he loves you or what? 

-He actually told me he does - I responded not looking at her 

-Are you shitting me right now? You love him too? Girl what happened to your independent, 'I don’t need any man', lifestyle. I thought you’re just going to fuck him - she shook her head in fake disbelief trying not to laugh 

-I actually don’t know, I didn’t say anything. 

-Okay, you really have to be kidding me - she laughed now 

-Oh shut up, do you want to help me pack since you’re here? 

About an hour later a stack of heavy boxes filled with all my stuff was standing near the door. Tig and Chibs went to the bus to pack the first ones and I sat on the couch to clear things out with Nat. 

-You’re not mad at me, are you? - I asked watching as Juice went to the kitchen and leaned back on the counter 

-Why would I be? - she laughed - because you left me in this shitty town with my shitty job? Come on y/n, I always cheered you up, I’m really glad you got the job you wanted so bad. 

-The job is one thing,  it I still moved away not even telling you straight away, I feel kinda bad about it - and what I said was honest, I knew it was my life and I was the only person who should decide about it, but the demons from my past or whatever we’re still chasing me and I felt like I needed permission for everything 

-Sweetheart - she looked at me with her lovely eyes, and leaned in to make sure I can hear every word she says - are you fucking kidding me? It’s your life and you have to be god damn happy, don’t worry about other people so much, we’ve already been there and I thought you understood it’s a bad idea.

We both laughed and I picked my bag from the floor when the guys came back upstairs. 

-Okay, let’s go - I grabbed a box and headed to the door 

-I don’t think so - Chibs took it from me and placed it back down on the floor - ten minutes and everything should be handled, you should spare your wrists.

Nat joined me and watched all the of them carrying the boxes downstairs.

-What’s your schedule next weekend? - I asked when they disappeared behind the last wall

-Not sure yet, why? Want me to come visit your big town? - she laughed and threw her bag over her shoulder 

-Yeah, you should come by, I’ll probably be alone for a while - she smiled at me and slowly walked through the door

-We’ll keep in touch - she blowed me a kiss - bye, love ya.

-When are you planning to start unpacking? - Juice was leaning on the kitchen counter and looking at the boxes besides the door

I walked up to the fridge and got myself a beer.

-Are they bothering you so much? - I stood next to him looking in the same direction 

-I mean, not really, just wondering - he took a sip from his bottle 

-Oh, you’re such a pedant - I smiled at him - I wanted to at least start today, but I don’t think I have enough energy for that, I’m sorry. This work thing is kind of stressing me out, like it’s my first day ever. I just want it to be over, then I’ll take care of other stuff, is that okay?

-Of course it’s okay - he looked at me as softly as always, I wondered what would I have to do to make him mad - I’ll help you whenever you’re ready.

I didn’t have a chance to answer, because his phone drown my quiet „thanks” out. After his short answers I could immediately recognize it was a call from the club. What else could it be? I was expecting that.

-I need you to come with me - he said firmly while putting his cell back in the pocket 

-I can stay alone Juice, we’ve talked about it. I’ll be fine. 

-No - he looked serious and worried at the same time - They need you at the clubhouse.

I wasn’t expecting that.

-Why? What happened? - I asked when he nervously started looking for the car keys

-Couldn’t tell me on the phone - he answered calmly, still not looking at me - so probably there’s someone to patch up.

-Okay - I said without hesitation and he finally looked at me

-You don’t have to get involved in the club shit, that’s my shit and I can get you out of it if you want. Just this one time if there really isn’t anyone else to help, we’ll figure this out, okay?

-Juice - now I was smiling softly - I’m fine with that, really. Our shit now.

We hurried through the door and it was surprisingly quiet inside, but everyone got up from their seats when we walked through the door. 

-Kozik got hit, Tara’s out of town and we need someone to take care of him. Her bag is already there, just come with me - Jax grabbed my arm and pulled me slightly so | would follow him

I entered the chapel and heard multiple footsteps following me, but I couldn’t focus on that. A blonde man was laying on the massive wooden table. His bare chest was covered in blood, a hole in his upper arm made it pretty clear that he was shot. I froze, not at the fact that a man with probably a bullet in his body was casually laying on the table, a prospect next to him trying to stop the bleeding, but because I was the one to help him. I haven’t done anything like that in some time, had no idea where to start I started panicking quietly. 

-Tell us how to help - Chips nudged me softly but firmly 

-Did it went through? - I asked filled with fake hope 

-Did it what? - the prospect holding a soaked cloth looked at me like I was a ghost 

-How many holes are there? - I smiled sarcastically - Is the bullet still inside or did it went through? Let me see. 

Chibs helped raising Kozik’s arm up and of course the bullet was still inside 

-I’m not a damn neuro or ortho to deal with such stuff smoothly - I said looking through Tara’s bag and trying to focus.

-You don’t have to get him perfectly fine, we can cut that arm off if you’ll say that’s the best option.

-Shut up Tig, that’s not funny anymore - said Jax

I looked up and saw him sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, sipping on his beer like nothing was happening.

I came back to the table and took a closer look at the wound. 

-It’s not deep, you have to hold him still and I’ll take the bullet out - I wasn’t sure how to do that, I had to deal with worse things in the past, but every memory of it just vanished at instant - I’ll count to three.

The faster the better. I saw a bloody mess before digging my fingers into the hole. It was gross even through the gloves, I thought I can feel my legs shaking. Trying not to make more damage I wanted to focus but the screams made it impossible and I couldn’t find the right angle to take a grip on the bullet. 

-Shut him the fuck up - I said calmly concentrating on where my fingers were going and suddenly I looked at my hand, hovered in blood, holding a shiny piece of metal

Glad that the worst part was already over I started to put stitches on, kinda surprised the bleeding almost stopped. 

-I don’t think any arteries were damaged, he should be fine soon - I said to Jax who was sitting on a stool next to mine 

-I really appreciate you came to help us, thank you - he said sadly, eyes locked on the countertop in front of him

-You’ve helped me enough, that’s the least I can do. If you ever need me again, don’t hesitate, I’ll gladly do it again - I said knowing it was bullshit, but he smiled slightly - I really have to go now, but I can check in tomorrow after work if you want me to. 

-That would be great, thank you - he said and I left to find Juice - Are you coming with me? - I said when our eyes met 

-Of course, let’s go -  his eyes not as bright as always, smile almost fully fainted and I instantly knew he was just disappointed with me

Tara would’ve done it better, of course, but she’s not here. I’m not even a doctor, and he’s alive so overall I didn’t do such a bad job. I rested my head on the cold window as I sat down in the passengers seat. The sky was beautifully clear, you could count all the stars, a perfect night for a walk, but surely I should forget about that. I closed my eyes and waited for the car to stop so I could just go to bed and burry myself under the covers. When we pulled up I took my purse from the back seat and grabbed the door handle, but Juice was faster as always. He opened the door for me and gave me his gentle hand along with a polite smile. I rushed ahead of him and quickly changed into my pajamas before crawling into bed, but it wasn’t long before he joined me, putting his hand on m hip and kissing my shoulder. We laid in silence for what felt like hours and I couldnt get myself to sleep, move or even talk. I was completely frozen wandering what he was thinking about.

-I’m sorry - was all I mumbled after getting enough courage to open my mouth

-You’re not asleep? - he stopped rubbing my arm and sounded pretty shocked 

-I really am, I know I should’ve done better, but I was just scared. I don’t know why, it’s not the circumstances, I just felt like I never did that before and it is fucking scary looking at the fact that im supposed to do such stuff everyday starting tomorrow. I think I’ve lost my damn spark, or whatever it was, I should just stayed behind the bar and do what I was good at. I don’t want that job anymore, I don’t want to do that and I’m scarred I’ll fuck someone's life soon, that’s clearly not for me. 

He didn’t interrupt my monologue, just grabbed my shoulder and rolled me over so that I was facing him. Is he really fucking smiling right now?

-I know it sounds pathetic and I don’t just feel sorry for myself, I think I-

He interrupted me this time with a soft chuckle followed by a clearly sad face.

-I should apologize to you, I promised to keep my life away from you, but I didn’t really have a choice there. But you did great y/n, I don’t know what you’re talking about.

-My hands were shaking - I said seriously 

-Have you ever taken a bullet out of a stranger’s arm? In a motorcycle clubhouse? Surrounded by a dozen of other bikers? - he smiled, but I knew it wasn’t honest

-No, but that’s not the point Juice - I heard my voice trembling, not aware of being at the edge of crying

-Oh don’t do that to me, I hate when you cry, especially when it's because of me, I promised not to do that anymore, remember? - his smile seemed more confident now and I almost fell for it 

-It’s not because of you, I don’t want to do that anymore.

-Then don’t - he said calmly looking me in the eyes

-What do you mean, „don’t”?

-Well, just don’t work, be a house wife and let me support you - he got a quiet laugh from me

-I’m sorry I’m such a whiner sometimes.

-I’m sorry I got you into that - he looked at the clock - you should go to sleep now, it’s late.

I didn’t want to know what time it is and I was glad he stayed quiet, knowing how little sleep I’ll get before my first day wasn’t a good idea. I snuggled into his chest feeling relaxed and safe, as I should’ve from the beginning. Next time just talk to him, burying your emotions won’t help.

-Thank you, goodnight.

-Goodnight, I love you.