#defenders of splatalot

[weltato]

Hey #splatalot Tumblr I gotta ask...do you ever think about the defenders fighting? Like, what their fighting style or tactics would be? Bc I have...I thought about it a lot actually.

Mostly Kook, but if they were all a team I thought about the rest of them too.

[piratewithvigor]

Now it's come to my attention that some of you are not Canadian and therefore do not know about RJ City's 3rd most famous endeavor: a recurring role on the kid-centric Wipeout ripoff, Splatalot.

Essentially, as these kids traversed an obstacle course, there would be "guardians" defending (spraying with hoses and launching slime balls) the castle from intruders (the children). One such guardian was Gildar, the Handsome Viking

It's very very important to me that all of you are aware because RJ brought it up in a post and I'm concerned you won't be able to giggle accordingly

[which-qsmp-egg-would]

Which egg would beat the other eggs at the Splat-a-lot course?

[For context: Splat-a-lot was a medieval themed water obstacle course show where the goal is to get to the top of the castle. The castle defenders try to keep the competitors away by using soap guns, water balloons, foam and whatever else makes things chaotic and slippery. The castle defenders also roast the hell out of the competitors while the competitors keep slipping and sliding centimetres from the top!

In the QSMP verse, I’d like to think the eggs are competing against each other, the parents are the castle defenders (each with their own unique weapon, roasts, targets specific eggs, etc), and the course was created by none other than Pac e Mike <3]

Wikipedia link for more info/pictures for better visualization (bc it’s such a Pac e Mike mini-game vibe):

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splatalot!

Thank you <3

@tilin-forever

[homoeroticgrappling]

Forgive me if this is self indulgent and sappy, but I just wanted to share some serious personal appreciation for RJ City, more under the cut. I got into wrestling by being invited by a close friend to watch AEW with them, and one of the first major reactions I had after thinking I could get heavily invested in it was to see RJ City and yell "GILDAR??" at an alarming volume.

At the All In welcome event in London, I chatted with people in the queue about how I wasn't allowed to watch wrestling when I was younger but I loved Splatalot and how excited I was to find out my favourite defender was the dashing host with the most for AEW. So many people in the wrestling community have fond memories of growing up watching the Hardys, Punk, Sting etc. For me I didn't have that but I did make sure I was sat in front of the TV for every episode of Splatalot and being around 13/14 it was one of the very last things I felt able to enjoy wholeheartedly in the way you love things before you're told you're "too old" to be so openly enthusiastic. At one point at a friend's house we tried to dress up as our favourite defenders, I may not have had the rippling muscles or quick wit but I had long dark hair and access to eyeliner so that was good enough for me to get my Gildar on, we threw tennis balls around her living room until we were forced to stop (sorry to Katie's mum and her Galileo thermometer, a casualty of our enthusiasm). Although it probably wasn't considered very cool to be doing that as a teenager, I remember laughing until we had stitches and talking about the previous day's episode on the hour long walk to school, I was thrilled to see a familiar face when I started my journey into being a wrestling fan. It was like showing up alone to a party where you expected not to know anyone and being terrified about if you'd fit in, then being pleasantly surprised and relieved to see an old acquaintance standing by the punch bowl.

Nostalgia goggles can make for disappointment when you revisit things through the eyes of an adult but watching RJ's work with AEW, he was even funnier and more engaging than I remembered, his hair more lustrous, and he had a magical ability to play off literally anyone you put him with. Watching Hey! EW became my favourite way to learn about the people on the roster as a new fan, and it became routine to tune in to RJ Makes Coffee In His Underwear. As I branched out further I found his work with Olde Wrestling was delightful, and if you haven't seen RJ City: Wrestling Raconteur I highly recommend it. The recently uploaded David Arquette Got Me A Talk Show is also a blast and well worth a watch! He's been a huge part of one of the most engaging storylines in AEW right now with Toni Storm and his increasingly frequent appearances on TV have been delighting me to no end.

I've had friends say to me that if RJ City was a real place, I'd own a vacation home there and I'm only half sure they were joking. When All In at Wembley was announced and discussion started about who'd be on the card, the first thing I said to a friend was "RJ better be there" and when I got to the All In welcome event I was more excited to see RJ on stage than anyone else at the event, I have the messages to friends to prove it:

When he mentioned Splatalot on stage at the welcome event I popped HARD and after getting back from All In, I decided to shoot my shot (not really expecting much because y'know maybe he doesn't want to be associated with a show he did years ago when he's got so many more current and impressive career things going on? He's currently crushing it with Hey! EW and Timeless Toni so maybe he doesn't want people messaging him about his stint as a handsome viking)

Not only was he willing to help, he really went above and beyond despite a (presumably) very busy schedule and was a total sweetheart about the whole thing and even threw in some stickers! I now have to get a frame to display this in a suitably prominent place on my wall

So thank you RJ City, for being even cooler than 14 year old Rowan thought you were (also I was right about you being the best defender, Gildar > Thorne my sister can go suck eggs)

[antonfreeman-bf]

wowee!! self insert time

been trying to tie down a design for this guy for a while and I think I’ve got it (for now at least).

His name is Zephyr and he’s the Splatalot castle’s resident mage. He uses his magic to summon and manipulate the slime used to repel attackers. However, his magic isn’t always perfect. In fact, a particularly damning mistake caused him to turn his skin blue and his hair purple. Despite this, he always acts like he knows what he’s doing. But even so, he still cares about his kingdom and fellow defenders, even if he has a cocky persona.

More to come hopefully!!

[spruudelsoda]

Does anyone else remember Splatalot? I love the defenders so much but there is no fandom ahahaha :,)

[antonfreeman-bf]

I haven’t really spoken about Thorne as a character so!!!!! this is a good excuse (thank you op btw)

He’s a dude from a children’s game show that’s like medieval wipeout BUT the big thing that sets it apart from wipeout is that there are these silly goobers in costumes that throw slime at the contestants while they do the course

They’re called the Defenders and their whole thing is that their protecting their crown (the object of the show) from being stolen by a teenager

soooo he’s one of the Defenders and his name is Thorne :3

the show itself is very corny but I always return for him

He’s an angry and brooding British dude with a silly haircut who takes his job very seriously

BUT he’s not always a grumpy guy. He’s also a silly goblin man at times which is always endearing

he also makes dated pop culture references which as somebody who also does that that makes me love him more

also idk if this is a strange statement but his voice is also very nice?? Idk it’s very calming for whatever reason?? it helps that the guy who played him back when the show was still a thing is a voice actor (who has done the voices for a couple bg3 npcs, apparently?? crazy how that happens).

He also is very stylish. During the final round of each episode in the second season, sometimes he’ll wear a neat piece of headgear, or decorate his chainmail, etc. heres him in a hat :3

uhhhh what else

OH YEAH he was apparently in a band at some point

and he likes to sing too ig??

I know that a lot of “facts” about these characters are improvised and whatnot but I think they’re neat methinks

all in all he’s a character that I connect to very deeply (granted I’ve loved this character for many many years)

heck I’d even consider him the first romantic f/o I’ve ever had, technically

I LOVE THORNE SPLATALOT CHARLIE, I LOVE THOOORRRNNNEEE!!!!!!!!

I can’t think of anything else to put here so. here are some clips of him from the show

hehehehe ok rambling sesh complete (for now, I haven’t even gotten into headcanon territory-)

if no one's told you today, your f/o is actually pretty cool.

do people not like your f/o? awe, rats, well, I like them. "but the fandom thinks xyz" well buddy boy good news I dont

"yea but my f/o is niche and no one knows about them" good news. reblog this and tell me some cool facts about your f/o. now I'll know about them.

"yea but my f/o is SO niche they have no cool facts" okay then reblog with your favorite headcanons you have for them. and guess what, since your character is super niche and I probably don't know who they are, guess who's gonna consider that canon? this fool.

i think your f/o is neat

[royalswille]

I swear I’ll stop with the Splatalot posts no one cares about soon, I swear, I promise

[2011babey]

The red defenders, Splatalot (2011-2013)

[weltato]

(psst, correct answer is Kook :))

More polls will come bc I'm in a Splatalot rabbit hole now 😂

[becrystalamazed]

Justification for placement under the cut:

Pure Child:

Skye Zero (Last Commanders) - She's canonically a teenager and canonically still in school! So she's a literal child-child.

Wise/Child:

Zane/Zayn (Project Z) - Alice rescued him, and since she was focusing on secondary schools, maybe he's a sixth-former? I mean, he can drive, so at least older than 17. But this isn't explicitly canon, she might have picked him up elsewhere, so his child-ness is less intense. He's fairly professional, which gives him his wise rating.

Raven of New (Raven) - Previously a child who had to save the world, now an adult who has to save the world. I did some maths, and she has to be younger than 25, which is still pretty young. She has some slight insecurity which adds to this. However, she's also absolutely badass.

Pure Wise:

Raven of Old (Raven) - I did consider putting him center, because in series 1 he is a bit of a silly young adult. But he's pure serious wise mentor in pretty much every other series, so I decided against it.

Satyarani (Raven: The Secret Temple) - Very serious, very good at her job, and also potentially as old as her homeland itself.

Princess Erina (Raven: The Island) - Again, very serious, very good at her job.

Agent L (Spy School) - Maybe I should put just doing their job for all of them. Although she stands out purely because of how serious she is against such a bizarre supervillain.

Alys Hunter (Prosiect Z) - While Itopia!Alys has a few moments of silliness - example: stealing Macs' milkshake - Prosiect!Alys is more focused on saving these children's lives, and surviving.

Alice (Project Z) - Similar to Alys, focused on saving the kid's lives. Although she's slightly weirder with some of her Zed-avoiding methods.

Wise/Weird:

Kelleran Beq (Jedi Temple Challenge, and now the Mandolorian) - Mostly serious Jedi, but isn't afraid to mess around and be weird a bit.

Gem (Swashbuckle) - Silly by the nature of a primary school show, but also starts to get more involved in various antics in the later series. Is, however, primarily a Good Role Model focused on getting her treasure back.

The Argonds (The Adventure Game) - Very competent at puzzle solving, but they all enjoy being very weird on purpose. See: cutlery in ears from series 3, and the whole of the series 2 finale.

Treguard (Knightmare) - Has mastered the dungeon himself, but also is unsettling-creepy-weird.

Pure Weird:

The Defenders (Splatalot) - The Weirdest.

The Caretaker (Trapped!) - Very weird in a silly, feral, kid-gross kinda way. Sure, his being held in a tower of horrors and being made to trap kids for his freedom, but he’s sure as hell having fun with it.

The Professor (Don’t Unleash the Beast) - Spends a lot of time talking to a skull and is very fond of child endangerment. Less eccentric, more plain strange.

Agatha (Relic: Guardians of the Museum) - Creepy, and not just in the ghost way. Jolly good show kids!

The Interceptor (Interceptor) - The fourth birdperson of the gameshow apocalypse (the other three are Raven, Raven and Kookaburra). Is not actually a birdman. He just likes chasing people with his arms out like wings while screeching like an eagle.

The Freedom Fighters (Last Commanders) - The improv makes way for a LOT of weirdness.

Weird/Child

Wiley Sneak (Trapped!) - An Unfortunate, so therefore a child. Has been the same age for over 100 years, so also technically is and is not a child? Feral, and is exactly as sane as you’d expect given his circumstances.

Caleb Lansing-Gant (Mission: 2110) - Age is again complicated. Frozen at 17. Stayed in stasis for several decades. Thawed. At the time of the show he’s technically 22, but also only had 5 years of memory, and also still acts like he’s 17? However you see it, 22 is still pretty young. He’s weird in a very childish, playful and very random way. He also has a slight degree of wisdom, but only slight.

Weird/Wise/Child

Mila (The Quest) - Her actress was 20-ish, I believe, and she blends in with the 14-16-year-old paladins too well to be an adult. She's a competent and badass warrior but... she did deal with the mind-controled-Silas-about-to-kill-the-heirs by literally pouncing on him, so still fairly weird.

No

CO.CO. (The Satallite Game) - The most boring host character of all time

L.A.R.I. (The Satallite Game) - The most annoying avatar character of all time.

Codsby (Virtually Impossible) - He has a human nose. He should burn in hell.

Click for better image quality

The idea would not leave me, so I present:

The Offical Children's Gameshow Character/Protagonist Alignment Chart!!

(Closer to corner = Higher intensity, Colour = Part of that group)

How many characters do you recognise?

[wormwod]

Throw back to splatalot

all the tower defenders were gay icons thats a universal fact of life. look at these people

[royalswille]

Hi! I've been loving your Splatalot! content recently. I adored the show as a kid, and you've definitely dragged me back into it. Kookaburra was my absolute favourite - why do kids' gameshows love birdmen so much? - but I had a substantial crush on Shaiden. The series 2 defenders could never compare. This message is just because I wanted to talk about it, and so you know all your posts are appreciated.

Hi!! Ahh, I’m so glad you’ve been loving my content! I’ve absolutely loved making it all and rewatching the show and I’m so glad I’ve got other people back into it too.

Gildar is and always will be my favourite, I just can’t help having a soft spot for him, but since rewatching it I’ve grown ridiculously attached to Kookaburra too so I get where you’re coming from lol. And Shaiden! I love her so much! Tbh I love all of them more than anything, Skabb and Crocness are two more of my favourites. Totally agree that the s2 defenders could never be the same, especially Vane and Faetal (I quite like Madeva ngl).

But yeah, thank you for the ask! I’m here whenever you wanna talk about it lol bc I’m always excited to talk about it too

[royalswille]

No but actually I do need to talk about Skabb for a moment. He’s actually such a good guy, it’s kind of insane. Obviously he’s comforting Gildar in this photo, but that’s not even the only example of him being nice. He definitely has the most instances out of all the defenders - in fact, the only other times I can think of are Crocness wiping the slime off someone’s goggles (which might not even have been intentional), and Thorne helping that girl climb the wall. But Skabb has at least two more instances of genuine kindness that I can think of off the top of my head. 1 - sometime in season 2, one of the attackers pulled out right at the start of round three, and we see Skabb running off to go and see them shouting, “NEVER GIVE UP!” because he really wanted to encourage them when that’s the opposite of his job. 2 - again in season 2, at the end of round two, he heads downstairs and high-fives one of the attackers who didn’t qualify and says something like “Good job. Yes? Yes?” until the attacker agrees they did a good job (or whatever it was specifically that he said). Literally in the episode I’m watching now he’s said “Jump! That’s it, go on now, jump!” and “Don’t worry about him, keep going, don’t give up!” because he is so good. Like Skabb can act tough and scary all he wants, but he really does care for other people no matter what.

THIS is what I mean when I say Skabb is everyone’s emotional support himbo

[2011babey]

The green defenders, Splatalot (2011-2013)

[2011babey]

The blue defenders, Splatalot (2011-2013)