#deep mushroom extract

[convenientcoma]

Medicating the Commander

My favorite comment elicited by this scene:

“cullen is so whipped”

[rebeccathenaturalist]

Existence Value: Why All of Nature is Important Whether We Can Use it or Not

I spend a lot of time around other nature nerds. We’re a bunch of people from varying backgrounds, places, and generations who all find a deep well of inspiration within the natural world. We’re the sort of people who will happily spend all day outside enjoying seeing wildlife and their habitats without any sort of secondary goal like fishing, foraging, etc. (though some of us engage in those activities, too.) We don’t just fall in love with the places we’ve been, either, but wild locales that we’ve only ever seen in pictures, or heard of from others. We are curators of existence value.

Existence value is exactly what it sounds like–something is considered important and worthwhile simply because it is. It’s at odds with how a lot of folks here in the United States view our “natural resources.” It’s also telling that that is the term most often used to refer collectively to anything that is not a human being, something we have created, or a species we have domesticated, and I have run into many people in my lifetime for whom the only value nature has is what money can be extracted from it. Timber, minerals, water, meat (wild and domestic), mushrooms, and more–for some, these are the sole reasons nature exists, especially if they can be sold for profit. When questioning how deeply imbalanced and harmful our extractive processes have become, I’ve often been told “Well, that’s just the way it is,” as if we shall be forever frozen in the mid-20th century with no opportunity to reimagine industry, technology, or uses thereof.

Moreover, we often assign positive or negative value to a being or place based on whether it directly benefits us or not. Look at how many people want to see deer and elk numbers skyrocket so that they have more to hunt, while advocating for going back to the days when people shot every gray wolf they came across. Barry Holstun Lopez’ classic Of Wolves and Men is just one of several in-depth looks at how deeply ingrained that hatred of the “big bad wolf” is in western mindsets, simply because wolves inconveniently prey on livestock and compete with us for dwindling areas of wild land and the wild game that sustained both species’ ancestors for many millennia. “Good” species are those that give us things; “bad” species are those that refuse to be so complacent.

Even the modern conservation movement often has to appeal to people’s selfishness in order to get us to care about nature. Look at how often we have to argue that a species of rare plant is worth saving because it might have a compound in it we could use for medicine. Think about how we’ve had to explain that we need biodiverse ecosystems, healthy soil, and clean water and air because of the ecosystem services they provide us. We measure the value of trees in dollars based on how they can mitigate air pollution and anthropogenic climate change. It’s frankly depressing how many people won’t understand a problem until we put things in terms of their own self-interest and make it personal. (I see that less as an individual failing, and more our society’s failure to teach empathy and emotional skills in general, but that’s a post for another time.)

Existence value flies in the face of all of those presumptions. It says that a wild animal, or a fungus, or a landscape, is worth preserving simply because it is there, and that is good enough. It argues that the white-tailed deer and the gray wolf are equally valuable regardless of what we think of them or get from them, in part because both are keystone species that have massive positive impacts on the ecosystems they are a part of, and their loss is ecologically devastating.

But even those species whose ecological impact isn’t quite so wide-ranging are still considered to have existence value. And we don’t have to have personally interacted with a place or its natural inhabitants in order to understand their existence value, either. I may never get to visit the Maasai Mara in Kenya, but I wish to see it as protected and cared for as places I visit regularly, like Willapa National Wildlife Refuge. And there are countless other places, whose names I may never know and which may be no larger than a fraction of an acre, that are important in their own right.

I would like more people (in western societies in particular) to be considering this concept of existence value. What happens when we detangle non-human nature from the automatic value judgements we place on it according to our own biases? When we question why we hold certain values, where those values came from, and the motivations of those who handed them to us in the first place, it makes it easier to see the complicated messes beneath the simple, shiny veneer of “Well, that’s just the way it is.”

And then we get to that most dangerous of realizations: it doesn’t have to be this way. It can be different, and better, taking the best of what we’ve accomplished over the years and creating better solutions for the worst of what we’ve done. In the words of Rebecca Buck–aka Tank Girl–“We can be wonderful. We can be magnificent. We can turn this shit around.”

Let’s be clear: rethinking is just the first step. We can’t just uproot ourselves from our current, deeply entrenched technological, social, and environmental situation and instantly create a new way of doing things. Societal change takes time; it takes generations. This is how we got into that situation, and it’s how we’re going to climb out of it and hopefully into something better. Sometimes the best we can do is celebrate small, incremental victories–but that’s better than nothing at all.

Nor can we just ignore the immensely disproportionate impact that has been made on indigenous and other disadvantaged communities by our society (even in some cases where we’ve actually been trying to fix the problems we’ve created.) It does no good to accept nature’s inherent value on its own terms if we do not also extend that acceptance throughout our own society, and to our entire species as a whole.

But I think ruminating on this concept of existence value is a good first step toward breaking ourselves out first and foremost. And then we go from there.

Did you enjoy this post? Consider taking one of my online foraging and natural history classes or hiring me for a guided nature tour, checking out my other articles, or picking up a paperback or ebook I’ve written! You can even buy me a coffee here!

[exhausted-archivist]

Complete Post of the Poisons of Thedas

Updated: June 2024

I have the time and the energy (as in I've had this info sitting in one of my various spreadsheets) so let's get into the poisons of Thedas. I've also split this apart from a much shorter version so if you want a TLDR, please see this post.

For the purpose of this list I'm including any weapon coatings as they can be multiuse. Additionally, Inquisition has "tonics" which include poisons, potions, and actual tonics; so things described as poison are listed there. As well as anything mentioned in Tevinter Nights short story "Eight Little Talons" that is connected to Viago as he is a poison master, he makes and keeps poisons and various toxins, or other caustic substances. I've also included bombs, grenades, and traps as they use the same poisonous ingredients and sometimes share similar effects.

The definition of a poison that I am using is: "A substance that causes injury, illness, or death, especially by chemical means. Or a substance that inhibits another substance or a reaction."

Known Coatings and Poisons

Brief note, there are some general mentioned poisons not listed here, such as "contact poison" which is far too general for me to feel like I could add it here. Things like this, and other notations of poisons I will list at the bottom under additional info/trivia.

Acidic coating

Adder's kiss

Aquae Lucidius

Arcane poison

Choke powder/Choking powder

Crow Poison (regular and concentrated)

Crow venom

Deathroot Extract (regular and concentrated)

Deathroot Toxin

Debilitating poison

Deepstalker spit and aqua regia mixture

Demonic poison (regular and concentrated)

Dispel coating

Elemental coating

Exotic dwarven poison

Fell poison

Flame coating

Fleshrot

Freezing coating

Hale's Dust

Havard's Grief

Knockout Powder

Maferath's Embrace

Magebane (regular and concentrated)

Marrow lock

Odorless Crow Poison

Pillow Talk

Qamek

Quiet Death

Saar-Qamek

Shock coating

Soldier's bane (regular and concentrated)

Soulrot coating

Spider venom (regular and concentrated)

Tears if the Dead

Venom (regular and concentrated)

Vitaar

Wyvern venom

Known Bombs, Grenades, and Traps

Acid Flask

Acidic Trap

Acidic Grease Trap

Antivan Fire

Choking Powder Trap (Mild)

Choking Powder Trap

Choking Powder Cloud Trap

Combustion Grenade

Confusion Grenade

Fell Grenade

Fire Bomb

Fire Trap

Freeze Bomb

Freeze Trap

Jar of Bees

Misdirection Cloud Trap

Pitch Grenade

Poisoned Caltrop Trap

Shock Bomb

Shock Trap

Sleeping Gas Trap (Mild)

Sleeping Gas Trap

Sleeping Gas Cloud Trap

Soulrot Trap

Tar Bomb

Ingredients That are Poisonous or Used to Create Bombs, Grenades, and Poisons

Adder Venom

Aqua regia

Black Lichen

Blight

Blood Lotus

Bulbs of the Frostback Mountains

Concentrator Agent

Corpse Heart Ichor

Corruptor Agent

Deathroot

Deep Mushroom varieties

Deepstalker Spit

Demonic Ichor

Distillation Agent

Dragon Venom

Felandaris

Fire Crystal

Firedust

Foxite

Frostrock

Frozen Lightning

Gaatlock

Ghoul's Beard

Glitterdust

Heatherum

Lifestone

Lyrium

Lyrium Dust

Madcap Bulb

Rashvine

Rashvine Nettle

Redmoss

Snake Venom

Spider Venom

Toxin Extract

Vasanthum tree

Varghest Blood

Wyvern Venom

Descriptions of Crafting Ingredients

The only discriptions included are those provided in game or text.

Adder Venom

A snake native to Antiva, known for its quick acting and deadly poison. It has a paralyzing component and works to shut down the heart and lungs of the victim. There is an antidote, created by Viago known as "Up and Adder".

Aqua regia

Not defined, but presumably another highly caustic alcohol made of wyvern venom like aquae lucidius or lyrium like aqua magus.

Black Lichen

Mentioned in the Official Dragon Age Cookbook: Tastes of Thedas, this is a lichen used to make bread and can be toxic if not cooked before consumed.

Blood Lotus

Awakening Description: This flower is famous for surviving in almost any climate. DAI Codex: Do not try to get out of this. We were told you were the best. That is why you were contracted. Was it not you who obtained the two hundred white blooming rose bushes for the Empress's winter ball last year? The comtesse has been infinitely patient 'til now, but she doesn't understand why it is so hard to fill the garden pool. She wants no more excuses. And no, she will not compromise with the dawn lotuses. They're white! The flowers have to match the silk canopies. It is crucial! Dark purple. Dark red. Do not try to frame this as a safety issue. The guests will be perfectly safe. Why, if they experience any hallucinations from the concentration of lotus essence in the air, I'm certain it will only make the evening more thrilling. I don't care if you have to send someone to some Fereldan peat bog to get it all. Just do it! —A note from Chamberlain Laurent to Grand Gardener Umbert Vauclain, over the decorations for Comtesse d'Arnee's summer garden party According to gossip in Val Royeaux, the chamberlain did succeed in convincing Grand Gardener Vauclain to provide four hundred and twenty lotus plants. The party was considered by most to be a roaring success, even though the evening concluded with at least twelve guests asleep on the lawn, three in the pool, and one lady losing several teeth trying to take a bite out of a marble statue of the comtesse's father, which she was convinced was made of cake.

Concentrator Agent

DAO Description: Heatherum and Foxite are both common herbs in Ferelden. When distilled to be sufficient purity, they may be used as herbal agents to concentrate the effects of many potions, salves, and poisons.

Corpse Heart Ichor

Used in concentrated demonic poison, this thick, black ichor comes from the heart of corpses that have been possessed by demons. Seperated from demonic ichor as that ingredient can come from other sources aside from a corpse heart.

Corrupter Agent

DAO Description: Said to have been made from lifestone that has been corrupted by the darkspawn taint in the Deep Roads, this powdery agent is required to create some of the most powerful poisons and traps known.

Deathroot

DAO Description: A harmless enough plant on its own, deathroot's thick leaves contain an extract that the Chasind have used to induce hallucinations for centuries. Sufficiently concentrated, it can be made into a deadly poison. DA2 / DAI Codex: Deathroot has been used in magic and potion making for centuries. It's a fragile-looking plant with a thin stalk and purple flowers, which fruits once a year developing bright red fleshy pods that cause disorientation and dizziness if ingested. There are two varieties. The more common Arcanist Deathroot was first found by Archon Hadrianus when he discovered it growing on several dead slaves. The other, Lunatic's Deathroot, is most closely associated with the story of the courtesan Melusine, who sought revenge on a powerful magister and his family. She harvested the plant, baked it into small pies for the magister's banquet, and presented them to the magister at a banquet. All the guests were seized by terrifying hallucinations after eating the pies and tore each other to pieces. —An excerpt from The Botanical Compendium, by Ines Arancia, botanist

Deep Mushroom

DAO Description: Fungi found underground in close proximity to lyrium veins. In addition to their restorative properties, they can also be made into poisons. DA2 / DAI Codex: "Deep mushroom" refers to the entire group of fungi that grows underground in caves and many parts of the dwarven Deep Roads. Collection can be a dangerous task, as the Deep Roads are often infested with darkspawn. Because of this, dwarven merchants often recruit "casteless" hirelings for the job, and pay them a meager percentage of what they earn selling the mushrooms to surfacers. The most common varieties used in the herbalist's trade are the Blightcap, Ghoul's Mushroom, and Brimstone Mushroom, almost all of which tend to carry the darkspawn's corruption. While they cannot transmit the disease, this trait often makes them quite poisonous. Deep mushrooms should only be handled by experienced herbalists and should never be consumed without first being adequately cleaned and prepared. Careless consumption has been known to cause insanity, severe abdominal cramping, and even death. —An excerpt from The Botanical Compendium, by Ines Arancia, botanist

Demonic Ichor

DAO Description: Understandably difficult to find, this ichor can sometimes be found in the hearts of corpses that have been possessed by demons and is naturally both thick and black. In the right hands in can be made into a very potent poison. Note: Can only be looted from darkspawn, usually alphas and emissaries.

Distillation Agent

DAO Description: One of the three rare bulbs found in the Frostback Mountains, when dried and powdered they become an excellent distillation agent required to evoke magical properties in crafting.

Dragon Venom

Mentioned to be an ingredient in gaatlok.

Felandaris

Used to craft poisons. DA2 / DAI Codex: The name felandaris is elven, meaning "demon weed," which is fitting for this rare plant because it grows only in places where the Veil is thin. Felandaris is easily identified. It's a twisted, wicked-looking shrub with long, thorny shoots, and no leaves: a skeletal hand, reaching out from an unmarked grave. Many swear the plant radiates a palpable aura of malevolence, so it comes as no surprise that it unnerves many a junior herbalist. —An excerpt from The Botanical Compendium by Ines Arancia, botanist

Fire Crystal

DAO Description: These shards of lifestone are infused with magic, either naturally or by one of the Tranquil. They're white-hot and useful in many fire-related potions and traps. DA: TTRPG Description: Fire crystals are lifestones that have been infused with agitated thermal energy, either naturally or by one of the Tranquil.

Frostrock

DAO Description: These shards of lifestone are infused with magic, either naturally or by one of the Tranquil. Frostrocks radiate cold and can be used in many cold-related potions and traps. DA: TTRPG Description: Frostrock is lifestone that has absorbed some of the cold of the Frostbacks, either naturally or through the efforts of the Tranquil.

Frozen Lightning

DAO Description: Frozen lightning is a common name for a crystal that can naturally store electricity, which has made it a sought-after ingredient in the composition of several items and salves. DA: TTRPG Description: These are crystals that store natural chemical energy, effectively making them electrical batteries.

Glitterdust

A mineral used to craft poisons and bombs

DA2 Codex: Glitterdust is the powdered form of a rock found along the Wounded Coast. When explorers brought the sparkling rock to the markets of the Free Marches, it became immediately popular among wealthy ladies who crushed it and applied the powder to their faces. The added brightness and lustre to the skin, however, soon paled in comparison to the developing rash and coughing fits. As it turned out, glitterdust is dangerous if ingested or inhaled. It's also extremely flammable, as several ladies discovered after powdering their hair while standing next to a candle. Unfortunately, this resulted in a dozen deaths by conflagration. These days, glitterdust is used sparingly, and only by experienced alchemists. The most common form of the substance is Volatile Glitterdust. If gathered from caves where darkspawn dwell, the rock produces a powder known as Tainted Glitterdust. —An excerpt from The Alchemist's Encyclopedia, by Lord Cerastes of Marnas Pell

Lifestone

DAO Description: These rare rocks have existed in close proximity to lyrium ore, and as such, they have absorbed some of its traits. Lifestones enhance the natural properties of other materials used in item creation. DA: TTRPG Description: Lifestones are chunks of rock that have lain in long proximity to lyrium ore and gained unusual properties from the exposure. They are invaluable for enchanting a wide variety of objects.

Lyrium Dust

DAO Description: This is lyrium found in a natural powdered state, ready to be incorporated into potions. DA: TTRPG Description: Lyrium found in a naturally powdered state, far easier to employ than lyrium ore.

Madcap Bulb

Awakening Description: Fereldan youths sometimes try eating madcap bulbs. They rarely repeat the experience.

Rashvine Nettle

Awakening Description: This plant burns the skin, but surprisingly not the tongue. It has no flavor whatsoever.

Spirit Shard

DAO Description: Spirit shards are enchanted lifestones that are used in several potions and poisons that affect the mind.

Toxin Extract

DAO Description: As one would expect, extracted venom from various creatures often makes potent poisons. Dropped by Giant Spiders Note: It is deemed a "venom" in the item id of the game

Descriptions of Poisons and Their Effects

I focused mainly on their descriptors provided in games and novels. I only include the gamified elements and effects for completeness of the entry as well as to elaborate on additional effects.

Acidic Coating

DAO Description: A small vial that contains a warm, lime-colored liquid.

Adder's Kiss

DAO, Awakening Description: An Antivan noble killed his adulterous wife by coating his lips with this poison and kissing her. He died as well. DA: TTRPG Description: Adder's kiss was the principal agent in the great Antivan tragedy Rosetta & Javier, supposedly a historical account of a nobleman who believes his wife has been having an affair. After a series of apparently innocent misunderstandings, Javier at last kisses his wife with lips coated with this poison, and neither survives.

Arcane Poison

DA2 Description: Weapons coated in this potent poison weaken the ability to resist magical effects on any enemy they touch. Ingredients: Deathroot, Deep Mushroom, Glitterdust

Aquae Lucidius

DA: TTRPG Description: Its venom makes the wyvern widely sought by potion-makers, alchemists, and crafters of potent liquor called aquae lucidius. A miniscule quantity of wyvern venom remaining in the aquae after distillation results in a unique hallucinatory effect. Just how effective wyvern venom is at enhancing potions and alchemical recipes is either a closely guarded secret or a continuing mystery; opinions differ. Making a batch of aquae lucidius requires 1 dose of wyvern venom per 10 servings, plus additional brewing supplies such as water, sugars, herbs, and yeast (costing about 10 silvers for a 10-serving batch). Crafting any sized batch of aquae lucidius requires an advanced TN 15 Cunning (Brewing) test; each roll represents about an hour’s work. Those who drink a serving of the stuff must make a TN 13 Constitution (Drinking) test, the result of which determines the drinker’s general reaction to the brew. Increase the TN by 1 for each additional serving consumed after the first. Any character who fails the test passes out after 1d6 minutes of dizzying, ugly hallucinations that leave him rattled and uneasy (–1 to Cunning and Perception) for 1d6 hours. Characters who succeed react to the drink based on their Dragon Die result, compared to the table below. (No actual magic effects take place but drinkers may be difficult to convince of that.)

Choke Powder / Choking Powder

Both a type of poison and a class of poison. Fleshrot is an examole of a choke powder, other descriptors used for the traps are powdered rock, metal, or spices.

Crow Poison

DAO Description: This poison is a favorite of the Antivan Crows, whose efficient administration of death has built a nation's reputation. DA: TTRPG Description: The poison is mainly derived from the venom of a particularly deadly Antivan serpent

Concentrated Crow Poison

DAO Description: An enhanced version of the Crow original, this poison turns its victim into a veritable sitting duck for an efficient killer. DA: TTRPG Description: This wicked brew results from a long, complex distillation process. A character suffering its effects immediately moves to the end of the initiative order. Additionally, the victim must make a TN 15 Constitution (Stamina) test or cannot use any stunt costing more than 2sp from the remainder of the encounter.

Crow Venom

DA2 Description: Weapons coated in this potent poison slow the movements of all whom they touch. Ingredient: Deathroot, Deep Mushroom

Deathroot Extract

DAO Description: Even a quick sniff of this sludge is enough to cause hallucinations. DA: TTRPG Description: Deathroot is a common and relatively harmless plant. The Chasind Wilders use a distillation made from its root bulbs to induce vivid hallucinations in which they seek mystic knowledge. When concentrated the substance can be used as a weapon. Those exposed to deathroot extract must make a TN 15 Constitution (Stamina or Drinking) test. Those who fail suffer hallucinations according to the Deathroot Hallucination table.

Concentrated Deathroot Extract

DAO Description: Although the deep blue-black color is attractive, clothing dyed with this liquid has proven unpopularly fatal to wear.

Deathroot Toxin

DA2 Description: Weapons coated in this potent poison deal additional nature damage with each hit. Ingredients: Deathroot

Debilitating Poison

DA2 Description: Weapons coated in this potent poison undermine the combat effectiveness of every enemy they hit, reducing the damage the foes inflict. Ingredient: Deep Mushroom

Deepstalker spit and aqua regia mixture

A caustic substance used by Viago to eat away at metal. It is highly potent.

Demonic Poison

DAO Description: The appearance and smell of this liquid are entirely unnatural, to say nothing of its effect.

Concentrated Demonic Poison

DAO Description: An extremely powerful poison derived from the thick, black ichor found in the hearts of corpses that have been possessed by demons.

Dispel coating

Awakening Description: This liquid in this flask reflects no light whatsoever.

Elemental coating

Awakening Description: A vial that contains a dark, viscous liquid.

Exotic Dwarven Poison

DAO Mentioned in Dwarven Regicide Antidote.

Fell poison

DA2 Description: Weapons coated in this potent poison leech life from every enemy they hit, transferring it to the poisoner instead. Ingredients: Deathroot, Deep Mushroom, Felandaris

Flame coating

DAO Description: A flask containing a white-hot liquid.

Fleshrot

DAO Description: The nasty concoction somehow rots flesh while the victim is still alive, accompanied by the usual stench. DA: TTRPG Description: Nasty stuff, fleshrot causes a victim's skin to immediately begin to slough off, which is horribly painful and grossly noxious. Each round for 2d6 rounds, a victim must make a TN 15 Constitution (Stamina ) test at the beginning of their turn to overcome the pain. If they fail they can only take a minor action that turn. A –2 penalty to social tests where a disgusting appearance would be relevant persists for a number of days equal to the number of rounds the immediate effects persisted.

Freezing coating

DAO Description: A small vial with a thick, frosty liquid.

Hale's Dust

DA: TTRPG Description: Originally used by the eponymous healer to help subdue and quiet wounded or troubled soldiers who were too much for him to handle, others have since come up with more sinister uses. Its effects last for the duration of the encounter.

Havard's Grief

A poison derived from wyvern venom, an unsubtle but a reliable one that is very popular in the Grand Game.

Knockout Powder

Mentioned in Dragon Age: Inquisition, it is mentioned in the ability "Knockout Powder" that this will put enemies to sleep for a short amount of time. There is another version of this powder that will additionally make it so the enemies are slow to wake up.

Maferath's Embrace

A toxin that increases the blood pressure of the victim, causing the veins and organts to rupture. It is a particularly rare and expensive poison. It was used once in a famous assassination done by the Antivan Crows during the Towers Age; they were hired to eliminate the highest members of the Templar Order in retribution for covering up the slaughter of mages during the Right of Annulment, where the crows spiked the lemon cake. This earned the job the moniker "Just Desserts".

Magebane

DAO Description: The Chantry's templars keep whole vats of this substance in Val Royeaux. DA: TTRPG Description: Developed by the Templar Order, this violet liquid is anathema to apostates, draining their arcane energy. Circle mages aren’t exactly fond of it either.

Concentrated Magebane

DAO Description: Most experienced spellcasters feel their stomachs drop whenever they see something whose color reminds them of this fierce substance. DA: TTRPG Description: A more potent version of magebane, templars supposedly keep huge vats of the stuff in Val Royeaux.

Marrow lock

DA: TTRPG This insidious poison runs ice through its victim’s limbs, all but locking them into place. Marrow lock’s victims can only take minor actions without consequence for the remainder of the encounter. To take a major action they must make a TN 15 Constitution (Stamina) test. On a success they suffer 1d6 penetrating damage and can carry out their action. On a failure they suffer 2d6 penetrating damage and can do nothing but howl in agony.

Odorless Crow Poison

This poison is a gas, heavier than air that will steal the breath of those sleeping but it leaves those seated or standing unharmed.

Pillow Talk

A creation of Viago's, it is a rose-coloured ointment with a greenish tint in the candlelight. This ointment is comprised of varghest blood and something from a gurgut. Viago implies it might not be effective on vashoth (qunari). It is administered anywhere on the skin.

The poison is an influencer substance that makes a person believe they can say or do anything, that the individual is safe.

Poison

DAO: Awakening Description: A deadly toxin smuggled from Antiva. Ingestion is inadvisable.

Qamek

It is not exactly known what makes qamek, though it glows similar to lyrium. This poison is used by the Tamassrans to help reeducate, neutralize captured mages, or on those who refuse to convert to the Qun to mindless laborers. Its effects will allow the mind to be easily shaped in small doses, in larger doses it renders victims mindless and causes irreversible damage.

Quiet Death

DAO Description: A foul mixture of poisons that are each deadly even on their own. Quiet Death is so potent it unnerves even the most experienced assassins. DA: TTRPG Description: A foul mixture of poisons infamous even in assassins’ circles, quiet death kills instantaneously—or doesn’t, if (say the legends) its intended victim is destined for greater things. Victims must make a TN 19 Constitution (Stamina) test, but also add their level to their roll. Those who succeed shrug off the effects. Those who fail fall immediately to 0 Health and soon expire according to the normal rules for dying. Attempts to stabilize victims of quiet death suffer a –3 penalty.

Saar-Qamek

A lethal poison that can be a gas or a substance converted into one. It is lethal to all races except the vashoth (the horned race / qunari). It drives its victims mad before they die; it can set the enemies of the Qunari into a blind rage and cause them to turn against themselves.

Shock coating

DAO Description: A small vial with a strangely glowing substance.

Soldier's Bane

DAO Description: Whenever nations find themselves at war, envoys of the opposing generals inevitably discuss a ban on this effective toxin, but the talks never result in a lasting pact.

Concentrated Soldier's Bane

DAO Description: This effective anti-infantry poison is too thick to pour from the flask. Smashing the glass is the only way to get it out.

Soulrot Coating

DAO Description: A small vial that contains a dark viscous liquid.

Spider Venom

DA: TTRPG Description: Extracted from the massive arachnids the dwarves call deep crawlers, this poison can take the edge off a warrior's skill. Its effects last for the duration of the encounter.

Concentrated Spider Venom

DA: TTRPG Description: A concentrated distillate of an already-deadly natural poison. Its effects last for a day.

Tears of the Dead

DAI Effects: The next 3 hits inflict poison on the target, causing 44 damage per second for 15 seconds. The poison remains on the weapon for 10 seconds before expiring. Noted in the item id as "Crow Poison"

Venom

DAO Description: A potent poison extracted from deadly plants and the venom of several reptiles.

Concentrated Venom

DAO Description: A complicated distillation process has made this poison much thicker than any of its individual ingredients.

Vitaar

Known as "poison armor" in Qunlat, it is a mixture that is magical in nature and hardens the skin of vashoth to an iron-like quality without hindering flexibility. The mixture contains poison and an unknown neutralizer (thought to be their own blood). But it is only for use on their physiology, all other races would perish instantly.

The process of making vitaar activates the protective effecst in the poison in a similar manner to lyrium ruins.

It is notable that currently all vitaar names stem from either a poisonous plant or animal, or in a few cases like the dragon hunter and cretahl vitaar, dangerous predators.

Notable descriptions:

DAI Description: This strange Qunari face paint is created from deadly poison—fatal when applied to anyone other than a Qunari, whose unique physiology somehow not only neutralizes its effect but also allows the paint's magic to harden the flesh and provide other protections. Arishok's Vitaar According to stories out of Kirkwall, the military leader of the Qunari spent a number of years marooned in the Free Marches city of Kirkwall – without once receiving supplies from his people or calling for help. Why he did so, and how the Qunari got along without an arishok, is unknown. The Qunari in Kirkwall did, however, have to trade considerable supplies from their sunken ship… including the Arishok's personal face paint, created from a rare and venomous snake in Par Vollen known to kill a person in seconds.

Wyvern venom

Both a poison in itself and an ingredient to many. It is potent and has given rise to a family of poisons developed in Antiva. It can be recognized by the crimson speckling of the skin on its victims.

DA: TTRPG Description: Wyvern venom slows prey and kills gradually. Once afflicted, a target is in mortal danger. After a few moments, however, venom exposed to air becomes far less dangerous. Thus it is essential to harvest wyvern venom quickly and carefully if it is to be stored for future use by, say, poisoners. A TN 17 Cunning (Poison lore) test, requiring the remains of a freshly slain wyvern, harvests 1d6 doses of viable venom, leaving none behind for a second attempt. When using the Poison-Making Mishap rule, wyvern venom adds only a +1 to the mishap result with a maximum result of 6—it never slays outright. A character poisoned with wyvern’s venom must make a TN 15 Constitution (Stamina) test or be subject to its effects. A poisoned character drops to 0 Health after a number of hours equal to 1d6 + Constitution (minimum one hour), dying unless they receive a dose of antidote before their time runs out. During this time, victims are subject to fever, visions, and a -4 penalty to Dexterity. The antidote to wyvern venom is a potion (crafted with a TN 15 Cunning (Poison lore) test) made from a mixture of three particular herbs: Andraste’s mantle, drakevein, and winterberry. Andraste’s mantle, drakevein, and winterberry are not particularly rare, in general, but may be out of season or found mostly in distant lands if you want to increase the difficulty of such a quest.

Descriptions of Bombs, Grenades, and Traps

Acid Flask

DAO Description: A flask of corrosive acid. DA: TTRPG Description: Corrosive fog that burns skin and corrodes everything else emerges from these flasks. Armor worn by those in an acid flask’s attack radius permanently loses 1 point of Armor Rating (before the acid damage is applied) until it is repaired. Increasingly severe damage to armor can accumulate from the effects of multiple acid flasks.

Acidic Trap

DAO Description: The surface of this device has been terribly etched by small leaks of its corrosive contents.

Acidic Grease Trap

DAO Description: The acid burns nicely through leather, cloth, and skin. The grease clings to anything. It's a perfect combination for a sadist.

Antivan Fire

DAI Effects: Spreads sticky fire at the target location, causing 46 burning damage every second to enemies inside the fire. The fire remains for 30 seconds.

Choking Powder Trap

DAO Mild Choking Powder Trap Description: The packet of dust contained within is surprisingly heavy, as if it were powdered rock or metal. Choking Powder Trap Description: A debilitating kitchen accident with expensive imported spices led to the development of this trap. Choking Powder Cloud Trap Description: The inventor who devised this trap can no longer speak, so powerfully did his throat object to the mishaps along the way.

Combustion Grenade

DA2 Description: When thrown, this grenade explodes with flame, dealing fire damage to all it hits. Ingredients: Deep Mushrooms

Confusion Grenade

DAI Effects: Enemies within the area of effect will attack other enemies for 20 seconds.

Dispel Grenade

Awakening Description: This flask is meant to shatter when thrown, and not before.

Elemental Grenade

Awakening Description: A flask of corrosive acid.

Fell Grenade

DA2 Description: When thrown, this grenade explodes with flame, dealing fire damage to all it hits. Ingredients: Deathroot, Felandaris, Glitterdust

Fire Bomb

DAO Description: A glass flask filled with a flammable liquid. DA: TTRPG Description: Often made using dwarven firedust or gaatlock (Qunari black powder), this combustible liquid sets flammables in its attack radius ablaze, which is generally a minor (1d6) or moderate (2d6) hazard, but varies depending on the exact circumstances.

Fire Trap

DAO Description: In its current state, this trap is cool to the touch, but the substances contained inside are certain to react violently when mixed.

Freeze Bomb

DAO Description: A glass flask filled with an ice-cold liquid. DA: TTRPG Description: An ice-cold liquid distilled by using powdered frostrock, these grenades blast cold through the limbs of their victims, slowing their movements until the end of the encounter.

Freeze Trap

DAO Description: When packed next to each other, this trap can keep a cut of meat fresh for days longer than otherwise. But its primary use is still as a deadly weapon.

Jar of Bees

DAI Effects: Summons a swarm of bees at the target location for 30 seconds. The swarm attacks the first enemy that comes near it, for 163 damage per second for 15 seconds. A target affected by the swarm has a 10% chance every second to become panicked.

Knockout Bomb

DAI Description: You hurl a grenade containing a powerful concoction that put nearby enemies to sleep. Sleeping enemies awaken after taking damage.

Misdirection Cloud Trap

Awakening Description: Forming a coherent thought about this trap is nigh impossible.

Pitch Grenade

DAI Effects: Coats the target location with pitch, which remains for 60 seconds, slowing any enemies that enter it.

Poisoned Caltrop Trap

DAO Description: Poison on the surface of the skin is one thing. Poison deep within the veins, courtesy myriad deep punctures, is quite another.

Shock Bomb

DAO Description: A glass flask filled with a strangely glowing substance. DA: TTRPG Description: A brilliant fluid that scintillates with raw energy, these flasks contain powdered frozen lightning and explode with a burst of light and the stink of ozone. They cause penetrating damage to anyone clad in any kind of metal armor.

Shock Trap

DAO Description: Even packed safely, this trap causes hair to stand on end.

Sleeping Gas Traps

DAO Mild Trap Description: Even the tiny amount of gas leaking out of this trap causes a tingling sensation. Standard Trap Description: The original formulation of this trap induced snoring too often. The new design makes it a more a dignified weapon. Cloud Trap Description: This trap is swaddled thickly in cloth, lest the owner bump it too hard during transportation and lose half the day to an unwanted nap.

Soulrot Bomb

DAO Description: A flask filled with a murky green potion.

Soulrot Trap

DAO Description: To know this trap is to know despair.

Tar Bomb

DA2 Description: This bomb explodes in a thick tar that immobilizes nearby enemies for a short time. Ingredients: Deathroot, Deep Mushrooms

Antidotes and Antivenoms

Up and Adder

An antidote created by Viago.

Wyvern Venom Antidote

One well known antidote is comprised of three herbs: Andraste’s mantle, drakevein (a deep mushroom variety), and winterberry. It is not the most accessible cure as you can find yourself in need while either out of season or not in the range of the ingredients.

Wyvern Antivenom

One way to treat wyvern poisoning is to craft an antivenom using fresh venom from a wyvern and various herb. It will create a bone white paste that will help save the victom.

Tables and Text Provided by the TTRPG

Aquae Licidius Effects

1 - "I can see through time!”

2 - “You’re all just made up of firelight and shadows, you know, flavored like blue and yellow. If I douse you, you might go out. Wouldn’t want that.”

3 - “I had a brief vision of my great-grandmother, though she was eating turnips with a modest dragon and Andraste was there putting salt on everything.”

4 - “It was as though my soul took wing and floated about my head.”

5 - “I feel strange but also good!”

6 - “That stuff works well enough. ‘Nother round, anyone?”

Possible Deathroot Hallucinations

Roll 1 - "Even the birds are Mocking Me!" The character spends the next turn raving at and attacking something innocuous like a tree, barrel, wagon, shrub, or bird.

Roll 2 - "Get it Off! Get it Off! Get it Off!" The character is convinced they are covered by bugs, leeches, snakes, or the like. They spend the next turn swatting at non-existent creepy-crawlies.

Roll 3 - "You did this to Me!" The character believes one of their comrades has backstabbed them or is otherwise plotting their demise. On the next turn the character can only take the defend action and yell in outrage at their “betrayer.”

Roll 4 - "The Sky, the hideous Sky!" The character believes that some malign creature from the sky is about to carry them off (or, for dwarves, that they are going to fall into the sky). The character spends their next turn dropping their weapons and grabbing something solid.

Roll 5 - "The shadows are alive!" The character is overcome with fear of the surrounding shadows, including their own. They spend the next turn running at top speed away from the closest concentration of shadows.

Roll 6 - "Foul darkspawn!" The character is suddenly convinced that a random nearby ally (determined by the GM) is a darkspawn or other natural enemy. The character spends the next turn attacking that “enemy,” with a +1 bonus on attack rolls for their fervency.

Poison Texts

Heart of Fire This substantial tome was written by an anonymous priest of the Imperial Chantry. In it, he discusses the most and least proper methods for raining the wrath of the Maker on His enemies. It contains recipes for shock bombs, magebane, and concentrated magebane.

On Combustibles and Corrosives This book by a dwarven miner named Grundrak discusses the use of combustibles and corrosives for best effect. It contains the formulae for both acid flasks and fire bombs. Grundrak wrote it in the Trade Tongue, certain that humans needed its advice most of all.

Riaan's Hammer A noted work by the templar Riaan, this book mostly concerns subjects other than poison making, most notably the effective torture of maleficarum to save their souls. Even so, the chapter on magebane contains its recipe. The Chantry supposedly has copies that also contain the formula for concentrated magebane, but none are known to exist outside its cathedrals and it would be heresy to possess one.

Thoughts on Fragrance Supposedly written by the Antivan poetess Evelina, this book is a masterwork of cunning prose. Those who know the correct Crow ciphers are aware that, along with its fancy turns of phrase, it contains recipes for crow poison, concentrated crow poison, and adder’s kiss.

Unusual Diseases This large physician’s reference tome was written by the Tevinter physician-mage Telregard. Not only an invaluable study of the many strange ailments that afflict Thedans, it also contains detailed notes on substances that can cause the semblance of such diseases. These notes include the recipes for fleshrot and marrow lock. The book also gives a +2 bonus to Cunning (healing) tests for those treating the more outré diseases of the world.

The Web of Decieving This folio by the Shaper and naturalist Orgaard contains extensive notes—in the Dwarven tongue—on deep crawlers, which he studied extensively. It contains the recipes for both regular and concentrated spider venom.

Additional Notes/Trivia:

While aquae licidius is a liquor it is mentioned and shared in the poison section and so it is included here. As alcohol is technically poison, but if you want a complete list of alcoholic beverages please reference the drink post I have.

According to the Dragon Age Tabletop, some creatures may be immune to the effects of certain poisons, or of all poisons. The guide says the ruling should be based on logic over biology. Using the example of the incorporeal nature of shades and ash wraiths would logically render them immune to the effects of toxins. Where in contrast nothing in the nature of blight-tainted beings would suggest they're immune to the effects of poisons.

According to the Dragon Age Tabletop, most noble houses of Orzammar employ one or several poisoners at all times. As well as herbalists who develop complex antidotes to counteract the poisons.

Poison Text mentioned in Dragon Age Tabletop Core Rulebook; "Heart of Fire", "On Combustibles and Corrosives", "Riaan's Hammer", "Thoughts on Fragrance", "Unusual Diseases", "The Web Decieving".

"Poisoned weapons" in Dragon Age: Inquisition uses a "deadly toxin".

"Toxic Cloud" is an ability in Dragon Age: Inquisition that states you "unleash a cloud of toxic dust" that damages all enemies

"Explosive Toxin" is an ability in Dragon Age: Inquisition that states your "poisons curdle the blood of your targets."

Sources:

Dragon Age: Origins + Awakening

Dragon Age 2

Dragon Age: Inquisition

Dragon Age: The Last Court

Dragon Age: The Stolen Throne

Dragon Age: Tevinter Nights

Dragon Age Tabletop RPG

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[theredhairedmonkey]

Do you have any theories on what might happen in S5, taking into account the episode titles that have been released?

I admit, I cheated a bit with this one by waiting until the trailer came out, but I'll compensate by having my theories be a bit koo koo bananas:

Startouched

At this point you've either seen this episode or you haven't, but not much to predict:

Team Zym have the prison.

Claudia goes off the deep end.

Callum wants to destroy the prison but everyone else isn't sure.

During the night, Aaravos takes over Callum and has him place his hand on the prison, letting Callum see into the prison and gets a vision of Aaravos breaking the pearl (imo this becomes extremely important later on).

Finally, he and Rayla head off to the Starscraper to find a way to stop Aaravos for good, while Soren goes off to find Zubeia.

Love, War & Mushrooms

In this episode, Rayla and Callum will likely have an important conversation, possibly mentioning Callum's father, as the show runners hinted at his role this season (Love). Meanwhile, Amaya and Janai prepare for war, knowing that Karim has an army and the Sun Seed (War), with Janai sending a crow for help to an "old friend." Soren and Zym meet up with Corvus and search for Zubeia, only to find mushrooms at her last known location (Mushrooms). The episode concludes with Viren arriving in Katolis and Ezran confronting him in the rain. 

The Frozen Ship

Rayla enters the ship from the promo while Callum waits outside. The ship mysteriously catches fire, trapping Rayla inside. Callum rushes in to rescue her when she doesn't emerge, realizing she stayed behind to search for her dropped coins. This scene highlights Callum's devotion to Rayla and suggests that Rayla may be more committed to her family than she initially let on. Meanwhile, Ezran listens to Viren and, despite wanting to punish him for his actions, learns that Claudia remains in Xadia and hasn't given up. This revelation leads Ezran to conclude that Soren, his companions, and the Sunfire elves are in grave danger. Determined to help, Ezran resolves to journey to Xadia.

The Starscraper

The plot kicks into gear when Callum and Rayla arrive at the Starscraper to seek help from the Celestial elves. They learn that using the Corona and Nova Blade requires more than just anyone's abilities. The Celestial elves send them on a mission to retrieve the heartstone of the Behemoth, Luna Tenebris' unsuitable heir, who roams the Frozen Sea. Callum and Rayla hesitate, as this would kill the Behemoth, but Callum proposes using a rune to extract the heartstone's energy without harming the creature. Meanwhile, Claudia hears Aaravos' voice calling her to Katolis, and Karim uses the Sun Seed to restore Sol Regem's sight, preparing to invade the Sunfire camp.

Moonless Night

Callum and Rayla pursue the Behemoth and, after a challenging encounter, successfully retrieve the energy from the rune, bringing it back to the Starscraper. However, the Celestial elves reveal that they need one more thing. Astrid explains that the Corona of the Heavens once belonged to the Star Leola, who bestowed the ability to use it upon the King of Elarion and his descendants, making them the only ones capable of wielding it. As Callum studies the quasar diamonds for an alternative solution, Rayla confronts Astrid, demanding more information since Elarion is long gone and finding a descendant seems impossible. Astrid mentions that the Celestial Elves once tracked down a man who was a direct descendant of the original King, but he had died. Shockingly, this man's name matches Callum's birth father's name. Rayla connects the dots and shares her discovery with Callum, who initially denies the possibility, arguing that it's merely a coincidence. Rayla realizes that Callum has so firmly embraced the idea of "Destiny Is A Book You Write Yourself" that he struggles to accept the possibility of a predetermined destiny. This leads to a heated argument involving their past experiences, ultimately resulting in Rayla and Callum fully reconciling and rekindling their relationship.

The Red Wedding

Karim and his army finally invade the Sunfire camp, capturing Ezran. Soren, Corvus, and Zym arrive to momentarily rescue him, followed by Aanya, who once again saves the Sunfire elves in a Deus-Ex-Machina fashion (as she is the "old friend"). During the rescue, Aanya and Ezran share a meet-cute moment. Soren and Viren reunite, with Soren reluctantly rescuing his father. As Karim takes control of the Sunfire camp, Sol Regem departs, no longer interested in petty squabbles. Meanwhile, Callum, refusing to consider Rayla's theory about his connection to the Corona, decides to connect with the Stars like the Celestial Elves. He attempts to fly blindfolded (as seen in the trailer) but fails and falls back to Earth. However, before hitting the ground, his body begins to levitate, and his eyes glow (similar to Kosmo's), but his smirk reveals the truth—he's possessed by Aaravos..

We All Fall Down

It is revealed that Aaravos had already left the prison, as the magic was designed to be impenetrable, and Claudia never had a way to set him free. Instead, Aaravos had intended on Callum & Co. to get to the prison first, then he had possessed Callum in 6x01, forcing him to place his hand on the prison, transferring Aaravos' essence to Callum. This explains why Callum didn't see Aaravos in the prison, as Aaravos has been in Callum's mind all along. Aaravos also confirms that Callum is the only person who can use the Nova Blade and the Corona of the Heavens. By bringing Aaravos to the Starscraper, Callum has played into his hands, allowing Aaravos to regain his full potential and declare war on his fellow Startouched elves (the Cosmic Order).

Meanwhile, Karim's victory is short-lived as Pharos becomes possessed by Aaravos as well. Karim is killed in a manner similar to Khessa, and Pharos transforms the remaining Sunfire elves into a new army of darkness. This army then converges on the corrupted core in Lux Area, where Pharos!Aaravos plans to gather his strength and spread darkness across the world.

Stardust

As Aaravos!Callum places the crown on his head, he feels his power return to full strength. He gloats that with the Nova Blade - the only weapon capable of killing Startouched elves - the Sunfire elf army, and Lux Aurea under his control, he can simultaneously conquer Xadia and the Cosmic Order, establishing a new empire. As punishment for her defiance, Aaravos "frees" Runaan but turns him into a corrupted version of himself that immediately attacks Rayla.

In Callum's mind, Aaravos taunts him while sharing his own backstory, revealing that he never fit in with the other Startouched elves and was ultimately cast out for his curiosity about magic. Callum empathizes with Aaravos, realizing their similarities and how the main difference between them stems from the love Callum received (and Aaravos did not). This realization leads Callum to a breakthrough with the Star Arcanum. He understands the vastness, darkness, and uncontrollable nature of the world (building on his understanding of the Ocean Arcanum) but recognizes that the sparks of love binding people together lead them from the darkness. Callum realizes that destiny isn't about who he will become (building on his understanding of the Sky Arcanum) but about acknowledging who he already is and the illusion of separation between himself, Aaravos, and everyone else.

By accepting his heritage as the Corona's true heir, Callum frees himself from Aaravos' grip and returns to consciousness. He then uses the Corona to restore Runaan and free Rayla's parents. Holding up the Nova Blade, Callum seemingly accepts that this is who he is, but that who he becomes is up to him.

Meanwhile, as Ezran and his companions march back to Xadia, they discover Zubeia, corrupted by sickness but kept at bay by the Mushroom mage. Janai achieves her own breakthrough, tapping into Light-Being Mode and purifying Zubeia. Simultaneously, Aaravos transports himself to Pharos' mind and teleports him to Katolis through a portal, where Claudia awaits (revealing Aaravos' contingency plan). Claudia uses Viren's staff to cast a powerful spell that restores Aaravos' body, sacrificing Pharos in the process. Aaravos describes the events at the Starscraper as a momentary setback, acknowledging Callum's increased power but persistent vulnerability, and resolving to bring him under his control regardless of what it takes. He then teleports himself and Claudia back to Lux Aurea, leaving Terry behind.

[luthsthings]

Gardening Plants: 10 Harvestables / All Seasons / No Glow

This set of mods is adopted from MonoChaos, whose original set was called Gardening Plants, All Seasons, No Glow, and 10 Harvestables.

What These Mods Do

Depending on which version you select, these mods do some combination of these three things:

Make your harvests better, with 10 fruits/vegetables per harvest for most plants

Remove out-of-season status for your garden plants, so that any season is garden-harvest season for players with the Seasons EP

Make your base-game Forbidden Fruit and Growfruit garden trees not glow

What These Mods DON’T Do

GP4 (Vampires) mosquito plant, the EP11 (Cottage Living) mushrooms, and the EP09 (Eco Lifestyle) meat wall do not have 10 harvestables. My co-conspirator Eluchil is hoping to add this feature for some of these, but it won’t be possible for all of them.

The Crystal Tree and the various alien glowing plants are not included in the “no glow” feature.

Wild plants are not affected.

Plants for packs you don’t own are not added.

Download Links

There are five versions to choose from. Choose only one of these:

Gardening Plants 10 Harvestables

Gardening Plants 10 Harvestables + All Seasons

Gardening Plants 10 Harvestables + No Glow

Gardening Plants 10 Harvestables + All Seasons + No Glow

Gardening Plants No Glow

If you’re looking for “All Seasons” without 10 harvestables, I recommend gettp’s Gardening for all Seasons. It does, however, conflict with Gardening Plants No Glow.

Installation

Pick just one of the versions. For manual downloaders (not using the Curseforge app), extract all .package files from the .zip folder and place them up to 5 folders deep in your Mods folder. The “spawn slot” files created by MonoChaos are needed for those plants to have 10 harvestables. When you’re done, delete the .zip file.

Known Conflicts

Any other mods that modify home-garden and public-garden harvestable plant tunings, including:

gettp – Gardening for all Seasons

A list of the XML files edited by this mod is available by request.

Support

I offer support only if you’re on the current version of the game. To get support, please post in the comments here on Patreon or over on Curseforge, or head to the Creator Help channel in the Help Center in RAVASHEEN’s Discord server. I don’t offer support by DM. Status: Updated to cover all packs to patch 1.106, with exceptions as noted.

Thanks/Acknowledgements

Many thanks to Eluchil for the icon and other support, and to MonoChaos for files, documents, permissions, and support. Many thanks to EA/Maxis for packs gifted via the EA Creator Network.

[hot-take-tournament]

HOT TAKE TOURNAMENT: RESULTS MASTER POST

So, I'd meant to do this a while ago, but I've decided I should make a post listing all the results so far under the cut!

PRE-PRELIMINARY 1

"Fallout 3 is just objectively a terrible game and people are too blinded by nostalgia/franchise loyalty to understand how deep it goes"

YES: 64.8%

NO: 35.2%

THIS TAKE IS VALID!

PRE-PRELIMINARY 2

"Portal 1 is better than Portal 2"

YES: 28.1%

NO: 71.9%

THIS TAKE IS RED-HOT!

PRE-PRELIMINARY 3

"Yellow starburst is the best starburst"

YES: 34.8%

NO: 65.2%

THIS TAKE IS RED-HOT!

PRE-PRELIMINARY 4

"Mint chocolate chip icecream is actually good"

YES: 75.2%

NO: 24.8%

THIS TAKE IS VALID!

PRE-PRELIMINARY ????

"Which is more less deranged - not knowing Star Wars and Star Trek, or not knowing Miku Binder Thomas Jefferson and Mint Chocolate Ice Cream?"

Star Wars and Star Trek: 72.6%

MBTJ and Mint Chocolate: 27.4%

MEANPURPLEPOLL GOT RATIO'D OUT OF EXISTENCE!!!

PRE-PRELIMINARY 5

"Eevee is boring"

YES: 25.3%

NO: 74.7%

THIS TAKE IS RED-HOT!

PRE-PRELIMINARY 6

"Wildfire isn't that good of a song"

YES: 61.1%

NO: 38.9%

THIS TAKE IS VALID!

PRE-PRELIMINARY 7

"its more comfy to sleep in jeans then socks"

YES: 28%

NO: 72%

THIS TAKE IS RED-HOT!

PRE-PRELIMINARY 8

"'Vanilla Extract' was never funny"

YES: 29%

NO: 71%

THIS TAKE IS RED-HOT!

PRE-PRELIMINARY 9

"mushrooms are tasty"

YES: 61.9%

NO: 38.1%

THIS TAKE IS VALID!

PRE-PRELIMINARY 12

"Opossums are cute"

YES: 94.6%

NO: 5.4%

THIS TAKE IS VALID!

[tempest-toss]

The Call - The Incident

After much deliberation, Thorn decided to venture off for the signal resonating from the forest. Packing the a light backpack to disguise as a hike, Thorn set off on the trail pointed out to them by a ranger.

"Hey! Can I join you!" The cheerful voice of Sylvester called out as he ran up to Thorn, still wearing his hiking gear and as usual, lack of shirt. Thorn contemplated saying no, but having a potential meat shield would be better if they got flanked. Thorn gave a curt nod and the two ventured forward

It was close to 3 pm when they left, but something felt odd, like the trail was changing as they walked... or at least that's what Sylvester complained about, muttering that this path felt different than usual. Thorn rolled their eyes and kept on going forward, following the signal.

The two soon emerged onto a clearing. It was quite lush, with rich green grass and mushrooms lining the edges, with a large stump sitting in the middle. A strange wolf-like relic sat on the stump, almost tempting Thorn to pick it up. They instead let Sylvester ogle at the bauble as they checked out something black anf leathery off in some bushes.

Something large was laying in the bushes. Thorn slightly recoiled as they examined it. A body. Cracked red goggles. Torn leather vest. Claw marks embedded deep within the body. A dead Insurgent. Discarded near the body was a wallet containing the ID "Marcos Klein", a delta operative. In their open palm was a hand radio. Thorn pocketed it before rejoining Slyvester, lying to him that they saw a squirrel when asked about the fixation on the bushes. Thorn suggested that they return to the camp.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Returning to the camp was a shock -- It was night time! Thorn could have sworn that they had only been hiking for at most an hour or two. They shrugged it off as they went to their trailer, Slyvester handing the relic to Sable to analyze. Thorn needed some time to extract the data from the hand radio, to potentially hear what may have been picked up on it prior to Marcos' death.

It had been barely ten minutes since they returned when Thorn heard yelling from outside. Gordon and Sable were having a verbal scuffle, with Thorn cringing as Gordon made a thinly veiled sexist remark at Sable. Rapidly fed up, Thorn exited their trailer as they saw Gordon wrest the wolf figure from Sable and smash it on the ground, the figure shattering into many pieces.

Something felt wrong. Like a sense of dread rapidly encroaching on Thorn's sanity. Gordon scoffed as he went to his trailer, while Della helped Sable gather the pieces of the figure. Thorn decided to help too, the three of them entering Sable's trailer.

"Thank you for helping you two. I had shouted that this was a rumored magic artifact and Gordon blew up. Accused me of witchcraft and the like." Sable explained.

"Magic?" Asked Della. "How so?"

"It was rumored to be used in purification rituals of forests that werewolves lived in. If they basked in sunlight, they would influence nature to thrive," Sable explained as she pulled out a tome of sorts, riffing through the pages until she landed on the section of werewolves. "Breaking it however was a bad omen, and its said that those who brought its destruction were targeted, and any who was affiliated were as well."

As Sable spoke these words a pit grew in Thorn's stomach, thinking immediately to Marcos and his wound. The barking of Rockette snapped them to their senses, as the otherwise peaceful old lady gathering their attention. Sounds of footsteps could be heard outside as well as a scratching sound from the outside.

"Ugh, Gordon thinks he can scare us? Well I'll show him!" Della started before Sable stopped her.

"Wait!" Sable spoke and all three of them waited for a second. Then another.

Silence.

Thorn went to move. A clawed hand burst through the window behind Sable, her screams loud and panicked as the monster gripped her hair; Sable's tome clattered to the floor as a pop could be heard as the beast popped her clavicle loose before pulling her through the window, her screams fading rapidly.

Della screamed before running out and hightailing it to the meadow on the path to the ruins, most likely seeking out Natasha. Another scream followed by a howl.

Werewolves.

Thorn now had such a small window to do something fast.

[is-the-empires-clip-cute]

My Shelby is stuck in the nether what to do

Hello!

We know that this can be an extremely nerve-wracking and worrying behavior, especially if your Shubble had already been acting weird. First of all, however, we recommend you take a deep breath and do anything to calm you down because you will need to be very careful when approaching your Shubble.

There are two main reasons why an emperor Shubble could be delving into the Nether.

The first is they're having a similar experience as hallucinations, or divine visions, whilst in the Nether. We have never been able to understand what exactly each Shubble can see in the Nether (or if they even see the same things) as after the experience the emperor tends to shy away from human and emperor contact, hiding with the comfort of their wolves. If you can see a general sadness and loss that surrounds your Shrub, then it's probably this case. It's warmly recommended to remove them from the Nether as delicately as possible and proceed to comfort your Shrub in any way possible.

The second case is far more worrying, and it's usually preceded by unusual behavior. Such as muttering, pacing, evil monolingual and mushroom gathering. This case is also far more dangerous, as it means they have been corrupted by some kind of infection. You must extract the Shrub from the Nether (even if the means prove to be more violent than preferred), keep them in isolation and proceed on to medicine and carefully applied gold.

Hope this helps and that your Shrub gets better soon!

Thank you for writing to us!

Mod Icarus

[aleielle-of-roshar]

The WoF (er, my au’s) Rulers’ favourite dishes

Ft. Some idiot (*cough* me) who doesn’t know anything about alcohol trying their best to make it sound like they do- also tryna make the dishes actually sound okay, but as a human even tho I cook I have no clue what a dragon would like lmao

Hoarfrost

Food: Salt cured seal w/ juniper and seasalt sauce! With fresh herbs and a berry garnish.

Beverage: A slow brewed dark juniper and herb ale, generally served on ice with a cup w/ a salted rim. Sorta a richer twist of a low class beverage he drank before becoming king.

Hyacinth

Food: Slow smoked salted boar roast, with a side of wild rice and roasted root vegetables.

Beverage: (Mudwings have ridiculously high alcohol tolerance- and tend to just drink it because they enjoy the taste) A dark mead made from fermented honey and wildflowers, with herbs! Warm and smoky in flavour.

Lightbringer

Food: Thick noodles with a venison bone and mushroom broth, and small slices of starfruit and braised venison.

Beverage: Oraclefruit (might change the name- glowing fruit found deep within the caves in the nightwing kingdom) juice with leafy greens, chia seeds, and a hint of mint! Served chilled.

Heliconia

Food: Tropical fruits and edible flowers, on a coconut rice seasoned with a hint of cinnamon.

Beverage: Mango, passionfruit, guava, and coconut milk (and yogurt ofc) lassi- with some cinnamon and cardamom, and topped with colourful decorative flowers! 

Sidewinder

Food: Crispy grilled scorpion (their are big ones in the Sandwing kingdom-)- with a sweet pepper sauce made with herbs, honey, and roasted peppers.

Beverage: Cactus juice with a hint of lemon juice, and a few mint leaves. Served chilled. A common supplement for water in the Sandwing Kingdom, due to it’s scarcity. 

Arowana

Food: Sea urchin meat and beluga caviar, with a broth made from sea plants of some sort (idk). And a touch of citrus juice!

Beverage: Starfruit juice in mineral sparkling water- with some extract from some glowing deep-sea seaweed which makes it glow in the dark. Served chilled.

Ptarmigan

Food: Crispy slow roasted duck seasoned with dried herbs- and with a side of roasted carrots, parsnips, and sweet potatoes!

Beverage: Heavily caffeinated herbal tea, served warm.

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[psychedelicverse]

What it looks like bringing back insights after a deep psychedelic journey.

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[the-blank-crossing-os]

TBC loredump... 6!

Every TBC object technically has magic to our standards, but their standard of what counts as magic are LEAGUES different. Only abilities that are spectacular, outlandish and/or just unbefitting of the specific object counts as "actual magic".

With the canon reproduction method, age of consent is separate from age of child-rearing eligibility. No do not think about this if you don't want to. (Age of consent is 18+ and age of child-rearing eligibility is 25+)

Whireans (Aquatic objects, they have flippers) can't be without water for too long for they will dry out. (Per recent lore changes) Objects must hydrate (read: drink water) regularly to prevent their limbs from drying out and crumbling. Land-dwellers (that are water-resistant) can be underwater for up to an hour, until then they will start to drown.

There are many Whirean civilizations scattered under the oceans of Fiearth, some of which are so deep that the objects there never even see the light of day. There are three types of Whireans: Deep sea, Saltwater and Freshwater/Land-dwelling. The deeper they live, the more underwater adaptations they have (Though, Whireans are not very fast swimmers in the first place).

Domestication went differently for these objects! They refuse to touch anything bigger than 4 ft tall, so they mostly went for the smaller animals. Cats are pretty much the same, but dogs are descended from foxes here instead!

TBC objects sleep in nests resembling bean bags but filled with a bunch of other stuff (usually pillows). This is to account for objects that can't really lay on their back!

Fiearth has 3 seasons in general: Rainy season, dry season, and a short transition season they call "summer" where it gets REALLLY hot. Since Fiearth is a bit smaller than our planet, a day lasts 22 hours, but a month still lasts 30 days and a year last 12 months.

All objects have a few specific weak points that would more easily kill them if damaged. The "throat" area specifically have a chance to cause partial paralysis if hurt. Weak points vary between each object!

Sentience dust that came from a dead object is called "depleted dust". Depleted dust is weaker and can't be reused to make new objects, but sentience dust is a strengthening agent (hence why animals prey on objects in the first place), so hospitals feed them to patients to not let it go to waste. This is basically cannibalism though, so eating dust is seen as extremely weird outside of hospitals.

There is a species of mushroom that feeds on sentience dust (and ore), they're called... Dustrooms. These fungi can parasitize on objects, the only thing able to extract dust directly from a living object, and they're EXTREMELY infectious, hard to get rid of, and 100% fatal for any infected objects. There is no cure, and dustrooms will render an object dead within a week.

[anneapocalypse]

January Writing (+ a little Wednesday WIP)

Word Count: 6250

Thanks to getting sick this month, I did not get as much done this month as I'd hoped, but all things considered, I'm not unhappy with what I did get. I did some work on Harsh Light early in the month, wrote various FFXIV snippets throughout, and as February approaches, I have been writing a bit of Dragon Age again! This is the first week I've been back to my writing routine in earnest, but I'm feeling very energized and ready to do more.

I had been tossing around the idea of working on A Hero Sleeps in Gwaren in February (I may not end up with anything ready to post for Femslash February, but I can at least work on some femslash!) and as January comes to an end I've found myself excited to get back into that fic, and to work on an established project in general, so I think that's what's happening.

Here's a little snippet from this week!

Context: While Teyrn Tabris and Briala were in Denerim getting married, her human vassals have attempted a coup, and Castle Gwaren is currently under seige. With the help of an already-organized elven resistance, our heroines must find a way back to the castle to take command and put down the coup.

The first hitch was that the wagon would be inspected upon entering the town. There was no way around this. Bribery was not an option; if the guards were humans in the service of the banns, there was a strong chance they would simply pocket the gold and turn the elves in anyway. The resistance had a handful of people on the inside—elven knights sworn to the nobles' service, hired by necessity, Talith had explained, as the population of Gwaren had shifted more and more toward elves. They were trusted, reluctantly, to wield the sword for their liege, but they would not be trusted to guard the gates during a coup against the elven ruler. Unless there were an unexpected change of guard rotation, perhaps due to sudden illness. Talith had visibly perked up, to Briala's amusement, at the mention of poisons. "What will you be using? Not deathroot, I assume." "Nay, too bitter, easily detected," Alys had replied, briskly taking down phials and jars from a high cabinet she had unlocked with a large steel key. "I prefer a strain of deep mushroom for such applications… a moderate solution, we don't want them dead immediately, just taken ill, which is going to arouse suspicion as it is, so our agents will be administering the poison at the last possible minute, and your timing will be narrow, as it's likely to be discovered quickly. Our scheduled guards will sit down to lunch, fall ill within the hour, and our people will step in to replace them, just long enough to get your wagon inside. As soon as the commander discovers them, their cover will be burned, so Farron's got someone to extract them… hopefully." She had removed several strips of dried mushroom gingerly with a pair of tongs, crushing them to a powder with her mortar and pestle, then looked up to regard Talith and Briala gravely. "That spends two of our agents, and there's a chance they may not make it out. So, with all due respect, my ladies, do make this one count." Talith had swallowed. "Thank you, Alys. This means everything to me." "To us as well, my lady. It's our future hangs in the balance here, and we'll do what we can to restore you as our rightful ruler. There will be casualties, and I know you won't spend those lives lightly." Her eyes had dropped to the floor. "Still, I know nearly every elf in the resistance by name… I'd be remiss if I didn't say it. I pray the Maker give you swift and decisive victory… for us, as well as for you."

[aardvark-123]

A Ghost of a Chance: A Christmas Story for Spear-Gsun

Good afternoon, @spear-gsun, I have the honour of being your Touhou secret Santa this year! For your enjoyment, here’s a story about Mizuchi and the ladies of the Moriya Shrine. There isn’t much official characterisation for Mizuchi yet, so I took a few ideas and ran with them; I hope you like the result. ^.^

~A Ghost of a Chance~

"D'you think we should have something hot for lunch?"

"Yes, it's turned very cold all of a sudden. How about if we make soup with the rest of that bacon?"

"Sounds delicious!" Wearing a green and white apron, Sanae wandered into the Moriya Shrine's kitchen. "I'll chop while you soup, yeah?"

"You do that." Kanako strode in after her, wearing a blue apron embroidered with the charming image of two muscular warrior-women wrestling above a ferocious bear-sized frog and a poison-spitting serpent.

Kanako crounched in front of the white panelled cooker to light it, only to pause with her hand over the knob. "Actually, hold that thought."

"What's wrong?" Sanae held that thought while she held back the avalanche of plates trying to slide out of the dresser. "Aargh, come onnnn, there shouldn't be a chopping board in here in the first place...!"

Leaving Sanae to wrestle with gravity, Kanako grabbed the broom and gave the ceiling a few swift bangs. "Mizuchi! We're preparing the luncheon! Could you come down and help?!" she called.

"Mizuchi? Can she cook?" Sanae had extracted the chopping board and was now setting about some shiitake mushrooms, her knife thwacking on the wood.

"I hope so. Since it's going to be an extended stay, she really should start pitching in," Kanako explained. "Not too many of those mushrooms, Sanae."

Sanae rolled her eyes. "Oh, heaven forfend, they're three hundred yen for a bite!" she quoted, before plucking the smallest mushroom from the basket and giving Kanako a wink. "I'll add a cheap one too."

Kanako knew she should fire something back, but no witty remarks popped into her head, so instead she stuck her tongue out at Sanae. Satisfied, she got to work in front of the cooker.

Kanako soon had a saucepan bubbling soupily away, ready to receive its first dose of onions and daikon, at which point their guest finally made her appearance.

"I see you muffins made a start without me," Mizuchi said dryly as she flounced into the room, her ghost tails drifting across the floor tiles. She was not wearing an apron, because what was she, some kinda wet smack? "Certainly looks wet, whatever it is you're cooking."

Kanako stared at her. "It's soup, Mizuchi! I need you to, um..." That was a point. For what vital purpose did she require the presence of a freshly-laundered Mizuchi?

"Stir the soup, please," decided Kanako, stepping back so Mizuchi could access the saucepan.

Mizuchi drifted in front of the cooker and picked up the plate Sanae had left, piled with white daikon discs and curving slivers of onion. "Are these meant to go in?"

"Yes, slide them in there."

"Oh, be still, my beating kegare." With a bored expression, Mizuchi tilted the plate and let a small avalanche of vegetables plop into the boiling water.

"Not having fun?" Sanae was chopping a pile of cold bacon into what were supposed to be thin strips, but came out in varying shapes and thicknesses. "Do vengeful spirits do much cooking, Mizuchi? I've seen you eat hundreds of times, but you've never cooked!"

"Well, we certainly don't mind a good dinner, but we don't have to eat like you crumbs do. I used to just eat out whenever the urge came over me, see?" explained Mizuchi. "So this is pretty far outside my wheelhouse."

"Oh, you don't need to eat?" Kanako raised her eyebrows. "Then I suppose we wasted our time, making you all those delicious meals while you've been here!"

"Hey, I never said that! You put words in my..." Mizuchi scowled. "So I'm your slave now, is that the picture? I get nothing but a dog's soup unless I work my ectoplasm off all day?"

"No, I didn't mean-!" Kanako took a deep breath, holding back her frustration. "How can I explain, Mizuchi? People who aren't evil and twisted do this sort of thing for each other! If we were enslaving you, we'd have put you to work from the day you started on probation, not waited a whole week to ask for help making lunch."

Mizuchi continued scowling. This Kanako bearcat clearly thought she was better than her, and not even the smell of vegetables starting to cook was enough to sweeten that malarkey.

"You know that was an olive branch, don't you?" Sanae pointed out. "Take the branch. You could be so much more than a spirit of hate and resentment... You could be a spirit who stirs soup! It's sticking, Mizuchi! Hurry!"

With a jolt, Mizuchi stopped scowling and started stirring. A few of the radish slices were clinging to the bottom of the saucepan, but the wooden spoon pried them from its embrace, and soon Mizuchi was stirring a steady circle through the soup.

"Is that how you stir?" Kanako peered down at Mizuchi's circling spoon. "The soup gets mixed better if you stir in a figure-of-eight. It'd help the ingredients mingle."

Mizuchi stared at her. "The mind boggles. And d'you want me to breathe in a different time signature? I can do three-four, four-four or five-six, maybe six-eight? Or maybe you could mind your own business!"

=======================

"Gosh, Mizuchi, was that a smile?"

"I don't know, was it?"

"Come on, that was clearly a smile!"

"Look, just back off, frogspawn! It was an adequate soup, see? That's as far as I'm going."

"Did she like the soup?" asked a full Suwako, stopping on her way to the kitchen with a stack of empty bowls.

"She loved it!" a warm and satisfied Sanae confirmed.

With a heavy sigh, Mizuchi tapped on Sanae's head. "Empty. See? It's completely hollow."

"So..." Still smiling, Sanae brushed Mizuchi's hand aside. "Now that we've eaten, are you ready for an adventure?"

"Adventure?" Mizuchi's eyes widened. She tried not to look too excited as she regarded Sanae. "It depends. What's the low-down?"

"Well, we-"

There was a loud crash and a scream from Suwako. A couple of seconds went by, then "It's all right! They landed in the water!"

Sanae shrugged, her green hair spilling over her shoulders. "We buy most of our food here on the mountain, but we stock up on human-made stuff in the Human Village every month," she explained. "And this month's every falls on today!"

Mizuchi gasped melodramatically. "Murder! We're going shopping?! And here I thought this day couldn't get any better! Wait, did you say Human Village?"

Sanae nodded.

"Ah." Mizuchi winced. "Normally I'd blow my wig at the chance to carry your shopping home, but sadly I ain't flavour of the month in the Human Village right now."

"Why not? What did you do?" asked Suwako, wandering back into the hallway with her hat down over her eyes.

"Uh... Nothing at all, chief, and that's a Miyadeguchi guarantee! The story is, some genius's been possessing cats in the village, and the word 'possessing' in any context makes me a prime suspect. But I'm on the level, and I wouldn't wanna be a cat! Not much." Mizuchi scowled, her cheeks reddening. "Maybe a coupla days to see how it felt."

"I see," Suwako said with a smile. "I do recommend being a frog if you ever get the chance, now."

"Yeah. Right. So you can dig how it's best for all of us if I sit this one out, can't you?"

With a smile, Suwako shook her head, making her blonde hair fan out beneath her enormous wedged-on hat. "It'll be fine."

"Wh-?" Mizuchi's brow furrowed. "Weren't you listening? The villagers all think I'm possessing cats! Cat cats, not people cats, but same difference! It could turn ugly if I show my face on their patch."

"But you haven't actually been possessing cats, right? I think that's what you said," Sanae interjected with a curious look on her face. "Could you possess a cat? I mean, would you be able to if you wanted?"

Mizuchi gave her a look. "I don't know!"

"Well, Mizuchi..." Suwako said, pushing up her hat so Mizuchi could see her twinkling eyes. "As much as we'd love to have you along, no-one's forcing you to come to the village? No-one can just force you to do anything, can they?"

"No?" Mizuchi puffed out her chest. "I mean, no, no way!"

"So are you really going to let the villagers bully you out of coming shopping with us when you haven't even done anything?"

"Eeeeh...?" Mizuchi's eyes crossed for a moment. "Wh-what?! No dice! I'd never let a pack of mortal crumbs frighten me off their turf!" she exploded.

"So do you want to tag along, even though the whole world's against it?" Suwako smirked, leaving Sanae giggling with a hand clamped over her mouth.

"You shred it, wheat! No-one and nothing in the world's gonna stop me!" ranted Mizuchi,

"What's going on?" Kanako came over with the air of somebody who definitely wasn't EXPECTING trouble, but would start throwing onbashiras the very second trouble arrived.

Sanae was bent double in the throes of laughter. "It's Mizuchi," she squeaked. "She's a little bit excited about our shopping trip!"

Kanako shut her eyes and breathed a deep, heartfelt sigh. "Of course she is. Listen, Mizuchi, we want to help you become more than just an outcast- no, you DESERVE to become more than just an outcast, but that needs some effort from you as well. So I'm going to have to put my foot down. You're coming with us, as part of society, and that's final."

"...Final?" Mizuchi put her hands on her hips and glared sassily up at Kanako. "I'll tell you what's final, doll-face. I'm tagging along on your little trip for biscuits, and there's nothing you or anyone can do to stop me! Got it?!"

"Don't mistake my kindness for a soft touch, Mizuchi! If I have to, I'll-" Kanako froze in mid-berate, her gaze softening. "What did you say?"

"If I wanna go shopping, I will, and I do, so I will! If you wanna make this a problem-" Mizuchi froze in mid-berate, her gaze softening. "Did you say you WANT me to tag along?"

"Did you say you could speak Tagalog?" Kanako smiled awkwardly. "Um... Good! It's nice to see some enthusiasm from you!"

"I ain't used to being wanted! Gee, thanks." Mizuchi's smile vanished abruptly, giving way to a look of dull horror. "Wait, wh- why'd I say all that baloney? I just wanna stick it to the woman! And go shopping."

"Right... Come on, we should get ready before it starts snowing again."

=======================

It took ten seconds of walking down the corridor for our heroines to reach the front door, before which a rack of jumbled coats hung beside them and a row of footwear stood to attention on the genkan.

"It certainly looks chilly today. Do you want a coat, Mizuchi?" asked Sanae, dithering between two of hers.

Mizuchi glanced out of the window. A few snowflakes were whirling in the breeze while the sun glared out from behind dense banks of cloud, turning the ground into a bright sea of white where the light could reach. A day ripe for a haunting... Or shopping.

"Don't worry about me, kitten. My heart's already colder than ice," Mizuchi decided, although she sounded a little unsure.

"Good for you," Sanae said diplomatically. "Some of us want to keep our hearts at a comfortable thirty-seven point eight degrees Celsius, though, so please watch warmly!"

Sanae slid into her green bomber jacket and tall froggy wellies. Kanako armoured herself in a dark double-breasted trenchcoat with a red capelet and belt, followed by tall blue boots with wedge heels, three buckles on each side and images of golden snakes curling up their waterproof shafts. Suwako threw a blanket around her shoulders and laced up her trainers.

"Cute," said Mizuchi, leaning sullenly on the wall. Her own stripy white t-shirt and skirt were as comfy as ever, sitting loosely on her slender frame. "So, ladies, shall we?"

=======================

A biting cold wind nibbled our heroines as soon as they left the shrine, ruffling their clothes and chilling their noses, so they hurried across the front plaza to where the car slept with her back against the trees. They bundled into the blue 1985 Honda Today with Mizuchi and Suwako in the back, Kanako riding hakkero and Sanae in the driver's seat.

"Before we start, Sanae, the roads have been very icy recently," Kanako pointed out, sitting on her hands to warm them up. Why had she forgotten her gloves? Leather gloves were a vital part of her winter look! Anyway, "Don't treat this like another rally stage, all right?"

"Worry not, Mother, our journey shall be the smoothest car trip since Sailor Moon got her 2017 Ford Fusion!" Sanae cracked her knuckles and took hold of the steering wheels.

"Check your seat belts, everyone," said Kanako heavily.

Suwako giggled. "Mine's perfectly comfortable!"

Sanae turned the key, making the car thrum into life. It lurched forwards as she steered them across the snowy courtyard and out onto the rutted road.

"Should Sanae really be driving?" Mizuchi whispered to Suwako, even though the others could definitely hear her. "Is she kind of a lead rainboot?"

"Lead foot, yes, but unfortunately she is the only car pilot among us," Kanako said loudly.

Sanae's eyes widened. "The imposter is sus! Call an emergency meeting!" she burst out. "Sorry, couldn't resist. My feet are a perfectly healthy weight, Mizuchi, so there's no need to worry. Hold tight!"

=======================

Mizuchi held tight as they bumped down the windy mountain road, taking tight corners at a cautious pace and ploughing through frozen puddles. Snow fluttered past the steamed-up windows, but it was warming up inside the car and the slim leather seats were comfy enough. Ten minutes of driving saw them leaving Youkai Mountain and motoring across the fields below.

The Human Village was an island in the grey weather. Dozens of lamps were glowing warmly beneath cloudy skies, enough to reveal the shape of the village despite the snow blanketing everything.

Sanae drove carefully through the half-frozen mud in the north gate, waving to the confused and frightened guards. She backed the car onto comfy straw in an empty stable and turned off the engine.

"Okay, how was that? Smooth enough for you?" Sanae stretched her back, leaned over and pushed open the door. It clacked against the stable wall, leaving barely enough room for her to squeeze out.

"Very smooth, thank you. Now, er..." Kanako tried her door and relaxed when it swung all the way open. "Right, that should be fine. We'll stock up on food first, then see if we have room for any extras in the car cupboard. All right?"

"It's called the boot, but sure." Sanae smiled even though she was wedged at a tricky angle between the scratchy stable wall and the smooth automobile bodywork. With a groan of effort she ploughed through the narrow canyon and stumbled out across the snow.

Mizuchi glanced at Suwako. "Am I allowed to use that door?" she asked, pointing at the right passenger door.

Suwako shook her head, looking horrified. "No, they'll haul you in front of the automotive tribunal and have you executed for deviant vehicular disembarkment!"

"Don't confuse her, Suwako. You can use whichever door you want, Mizuchi, as long as it's open," Kanako reassured her. "Although, actually, wouldn't you be able to pass through walls since you're a ghost?"

"I can," confirmed Mizuchi. "But it feels like my skin's full of gelato sliding around like... How can I put it? You know when you rub against something smooth?"

"Oh, yes! I certainly have experienced that once or twice!" said Sanae, peeking in through the boot.

Mizuchi raised an eyebrow at her. "Well, it feels like that, but all the way through you."

"Coooool!" breathed Sanae. "And is it different for different substances? Like, does phasing through bricks feel different from phasing through wood or metal or, or...?"

=======================

The discussion about ghost biology continued while Kanako led her retinue through the snowy village. They crunched through snow and slush, or in Mizuchi's case floated over it, passing well-wrapped villagers on their way to this and that.

First on the agenda was Hideyoshi and Son's kosher butcher's shop. They turned onto a wide road about halfway along the high street, but before they reached the familiar triangle of painted wooden signs offering delicious cuts of meat, a furious teenage girl ran out to confront them.

"You!" the bespectacled girl yelled, pointing an accusing finger at Mizuchi. "When are you going to answer for what you've done?!"

Mizuchi grit her teeth. "Oh... Just peachy, it's the little book girl," she growled. "Listen, you dizzy little doll, I don't know what your beef is-"

Kanako nudged Mizuchi, silencing her. Mizuchi scowled, but stayed quiet as Kosuzu halted in front of them, a five-foot-one tower of rage.

"Every cat in the village is in a blue funk thanks to you!" Kosuzu accused. "I don't know what you did or how you did it, but you must have done it! And look!"

To the growing bemusement of those watching, Kosuzu turned around and picked something up. Staggering under the heavy weight, she turned back to reveal a limp, glassy-eyed Akyuu cradled in her arms.

Sanae gasped. "The Child of Miare is your cat?!"

"Just look what you've done to Akyuu!" ranted Kosuzu, glaring daggers at Mizuchi with sweat rolling down her youthful face. "Another victim of the cat Incident, and she isn't even a cat!"

"Oh, my mistake," said Sanae.

"Listen, lady, I'm not the villain in this picture. I haven't possessed your filly or any cats, I'm telling you!" With a nervous laugh, Mizuchi looked around at her companions. "You guys believe me, right? I've been toeing the line all week! Not necessarily with my big toe, but at the very least... I don't got any toes, do I? Damn it!"

"It's all right, Mizuchi. We believe you." Kanako gave Mizuchi a pat on the shoulder, for once not getting an angry glare in return, and addressed Kosuzu with calm sensibility. "Nobody wants to see their fiancé get cursed, Miss Motoori, but being upset doesn't give you the right to blame the first vengeful spirit you see. Do you understand how you might have been too harsh?"

"But she's possesed people before!" Kosuzu plonked Akyuu down in the snow and continued to argue frantically. "Mizuchi brought Gensokyo to the brink of ruin, apparently! Who else is there who can possess peoeple?!"

"Mima?" suggested Kanako.

"Another ghost?" suggested Sanae.

"Well, yes, but... Akyuu's been like this for days! She doesn't eat, she doesn't sleep, she doesn't do anything! Someone has to take responsibility for it!" Kosuzu continued.

"Hmmm... Is that so?" Suwako folded her arms and regarded Kosuzu coolly. "Seventy-twelve and a half percent of disasters in the Human Vilage over the last six years have been caused by you, Kosuzu, reading a cursed book or waking up some tricksy youkai. Why should we believe you didn't curse Akyuu by Akyuucideeeh... I mean by accident?!"

Kosuzu's jaw dropped. "Wha... WHAT?! How could you say that?! Akyuu's my dearest sweetheart! How could you blame me just because I-! I sometimes-!" Kosuzu's voice caught in her throat. "Did you... Did you really not do this, Mizuchi? But... I- I'm sorry, I was so worried about her! It's like she's dead even though she's clearly still alive."

Kosuzu sank to her knees behind Akyuu, exhausted of anger and brimming over with tears. "They've all given up, her retainers and guardians... They think it's time for- for a new Child of Miare! But I know she has years more to go."

"Oh, Kosuzu..." whispered Mizuchi. She could feel a weird ache where her heart used to be and it was not a pleasant sensation. "You're just dizzy with that little tomayto, aren't you?"

"I- I don't understand. Akyuu isn't a vegetable!" said Kosuzu, clinging to Akyuu's non-plant-based shoulders while she stared in disbelief.

"Tomatoes are fruits," Sanae pointed out.

"Um... To tell you the truth, I haven't been bold enough to ask if she's one of those." Kosuzu blew her nose on Akyuu's baggy sleeve. "She's behaving just like the cats who were posessed, sitting in one place all day... I don't know what to do."

A heavy silence fell over the snowy road. Mizuchi realised with a jolt of panic that she'd been feeling sympathy- sympathy, of all things! It was unthinkable for a vengeful spirit, yet she'd thought it. So concerned was Mizuchu that she failed to notice Kanako and Suwako sharing a long, meaningful look.

"Sorry, Kosuzu," Kanako said after a few seconds. "We all know how much Akyuu means to you, butt here doesn't seem to be anything we can do. Suwako and I are warriors, Mizuchi clearly isn't an option and as for Sanae, she didn't bring anything for a healing ritual."

Sanae suddenly seemed very interested. "Oh, actually, I could try to heal her-"

Suwako nudged Sanae in the hip. "No, no," she said urgently. "You were veeeery clear before we left about how you didn't bring your paraphernalia for exorcising an evil spirit or curing a curse-related illness, because you probably wouldn't need it in the human village, right?"

"Um, wrong! I can totally give her-" Sanae's brain caught up with her mouth, eliciting a gasp of realisation. "Oh. Ohhh, right, silly me! I used up all my third- and fourth-level spell slots! All I have left is Healing Word," she said slowly. "Which means, regrettably, I cannot do a blessed thing for poor little Akyuu. What a tragedy!"

Kosuzu was staring at her in horrified fascination. "Are you just taking the piss now?! Because this isn't funny!"

"No, Kosuzu, I promise no piss is being taken." Winking at Kosuzu, Kanako took Sanae and Suwako by their hands. "I'm afraid there's nothing we can do-"

"Not so fast, chief. I might be able to do, uh, something."

All eyes except Akyuu's turned to Mizuchi, who looked surprised to have heard her own words.

"I mean, uhh..." Mizuchi cleared her throat. "I'm a ghost, as you can see. And even though I didn't do anything to this kitten, I could help her, potentially."

"Mizuchi, what are you saying?!" cried Suwako.

"I'm saying... I must be totally loco, but I'm saying I could un-possess her." It was too late to change her mind, so Mizuchi took a deep breath and launched into her explanation. "You can hold a finger of giggle juice in your mouth without swallowing, right? Then maybe I could possess someone without draining their energy, or even give them some of mine! Gods know it ain't a sure shot, but it could work."

"Ain't a sure shot?" Kosuzu's eyes were wide with fear. "You want to cure Akyuu's possession by possessing her?! That's like curing a headache by bonking someone on the head with a mallet!"

"It sounds much too risky," Kanako said grimly, her brow furrowing. "I'm sure you want to help, Mizuchi, but possessing her again can't possibly make anything better!"

"It can!" Mizuchi was fired up now, backing up her argument with wild hand gestures. "Things that get done can get done in reverse, see? Like untying a knot or squeezing out a sponge! Sanae could save Akyuu if she had her spell slots, whatever those are, so why not me?! Why not possess a girl backwards?!"

"Because you'd be risking an innocent girl's life for something you don't even know is going to work! I'm sorry, Mizuchi, but I won't allow it," Kanako said firmly.

Mizuchi simmered for about five seconds before responding. "Until now, I thought you were the good kind of selfish broad who makes it her business to look after everyone else. But no, you're just an Abercrombie who thinks she's queen of the freaking world!" She spat at Kanako's feet and turned away, her fists clenched in front of her chest. "Gimme the all-clear, Kosuzu, and I'll fix your little miss!"

"Wh-wha-?!" Kosuzu's mouth fell open in horror. She was about to say something unprintable when she noticed Kanako and Suwako, both looking right at her and nodding furiously over Mizuchi's shoulders.

"U-um..." Kosuzu bit her lip. "You can try it?"

Mizuchi's eyes widened, then she came out in a manic grin. "All right! You're about to see the world's first unpossession!"

"Mizuchi, don't do this!" Kanako stepped forward, her arm reaching out for her defiant ward. "Think, you imbecile! If you end up harming her while you're on probation, there could be dire consequences! Reimu might not spare your undeath a second time."

"Oh, so I get the kiss-off for tryna save someone's life?" Mizuchi laughed bitterly. "Sounds fair. I'll drag that shrine moron to Hell behind me if she wants! Stay outta my way!"

Without another word, Mizuchi turned and lunged towards Akyuu. Kosuzu dove onto the snowy ground with a scream. Mizuchi became a whirlwind of steam and light, pouring into Akyuu's round nose like steam from a kettle going the wrong way. Akyuu's eyes flashed red, then she stood up with a strangled gasp.

"G-get me a drink!" Akyuu stumbled forwards on unsteady legs, moving stiffly and jerkily like a puppet in need of some oil. "This girl's throat feels like a pile of cinder blocks! And gods, her tummy's going nuclear in here!"

"Mizuchi, is that you?!" cried Sanae. There was no mistaking the absurd jumble of American words and Chicago gangster slang spluttering out of Akyuu's normally gentle mouth. "I- I brought some cereal bars! Will they do?"

"She needs a drink first! Fortunately..." Kanako pulled a thermos flask from under her coat. She unscrewed the lid and poured out a measure of steaming green tea, which she held out to the purple-haired girl.

"Thanks, chief!" Mizuchi, piloting Akyuu deftly, took the cup-lid and gulped down the liquid within. Akyuu's elegant throat bobbed wildly as she swallowed. "Ahhh, that... That's kippy."

"Akyuu... No, Mizuchi, are you... Is she..." Her clothes damp with snow, Kosuzu took Akyuu's small hands in a tender grasp. "Are you all right? She'd better be all right, Mizuchi!"

"Relax, doll-face. Whatever funk this little number was in, it's no match for the Jailbreak King!" Mizuchi laughed proudly and coughed miserably. "Bloomers on toast, this body's Joed. She needs about fifty of those cereal bars and a week dossing in bed."

Kosuzu squeaked delightledly. "Ohhh, what a relief! Thank you so much, Mizuchi!" she cried, dancing with joy. "When can you give her back?! Do you need to stay in there for a while?"

"She should be okay, emphasis on 'should'. But lemme get one of these inside her first," said Mizuchi, beckoning Sanae over.

Mizuchi took the proffered cereal bar and tucked in, chewing the paper wrapper with a scowl. "Thish shtuff'sh overrated," she growled, forcing down the last bite. "Okay, little Akyuu can have her body back now. I'm giving her my energy, enough to stay on her feet for a few hours anyway. Here we go!"

Mizuchi, or Akyuu, clamped her hands over the sides of her head and let out a long, low scream. Abruptly she looked up to the sky and blew out a cloud of steam, which broiled and shook in midair for a moment before coalescing into Mizuchi.

Kanako, Sanae and Suwako cheered while Mizuchi slumped wearily against the wall. Kosuzu grabbed Akyuu as she staggered backwards, blinking blearily in the faint afternoon sun.

"K-Kosuzu?" breathed Akyuu, peering up at her as best she could. "You carried me."

"It's all right, Akyuu! I've got you!" Kosuzu spun Akyuu around and kissed her on both cheeks. "Oh, Akyuu... I was so worried! I thought you'd be like that forever!"

"And the day is saved." Mizuchi's clothes were rumpled and her hair all over the place, but she wore a proud smile as she floated towards them. "Hieda no Akyuu, how are we feeling?"

"I was so cold..." groaned Akyuu, leaning on Kosuzu and holding her tight. "I wanted to move so desperately, I was screaming at myself from within, but my body refused to listen! Then she..."

"You're safe now, Akyuu." Kosuzu wept with relief. "M- Mizuchi, thank you so much! And you!" She looked up at the proud Kanako and Suwako, standing on the other side of the road with a confused Sanae. "Now I understand why you were encouraging me to say yes while Mizuchi couldn't see you!"

Kanako and Suwako's smiles vanished. They shared a brief guilty look before bracing themselves for the worst.

"I beg your pardon?" Mizuchi turned around slowly, brushing a strand of hair off her forehead, and whispered the sheepish goddesses her question. "What did the snappy young bookseller just say?"

"Right, Mizuchi, I should perhaps mention one or two things now," Kanako tried to stay on top of the situation. "Suwako's idea was about uncovering the real you, seeing whether you'd do the right thing even if it might come at a cost, and she convinced me to go along with it- OW!"

Suwako withdrew her foot from Kanako's bruised shin. "Sorry, Mizuchi, but we had to see if you were making progress. So when we saw this situation with Akyuu, we decided to give you a little push in the right direction. Except we made it look like a push in the wrong direction... You see?"

Mizuchi glared at her for a few more moments, then she burst out laughing. "Oh, for the love of rainbows! Reverse psychology?!" she scoffed. "Well, joke's on you, I only did the 'right thing' 'cause I felt like it... Wh-which doesn't mean I'm nice!"

"Don't say that! You are nice, Mizuchi." Kosuzu took Mizuchi's hand and smiled up at her. "You're a hero! You saved Akyuu's life!"

"Guh?!" Mizuchi could hardly bear such a radiant smile. Akyuu was up on her plates, leaning on a bollard and looking fine thanks to the magic of tea, cereal bars and...

"Damn it, I was kind, wasn't I? Well, fine, get your snaps! Extra, extra, read all about it! Vengeful spirit turns out to be capable of upstanding behaviour... Big deal." Mizuchi stuck out her tongue. "Can we go shopping now?"

[endcant]

best ever food & drink

cucumber & watermelon (same to me)

tofu (many ways)

glass of milk and 2 cookies (various)

mini sweet peppers

egyptian kahk

homemade red bean paste (u can make a lot affordably, keep it a decent amount of time, and use it for everything)

chicken mole

sashimi (various)

bisque (various)

gazpacho (various)

fruit that you picked

the first bite of a california burger (burger with lettuce, tomato, avocado, and monterey jack cheese)

lemon pound cake

dolma

oxtail stew with chayote (white people not invited)

pozole blanco

buttered pumpkin ravioli followed by the raspberry gelato served in a coconut shell at the obligatory little italian place in my obligatory little not-italian hometown

oolong tea

lamb gyro

when i worked at the college i used to rinse out my cup noodles before microwaving them bc they were too salty. that was good

phó (various)

zalabia topped with sesame seeds

scrambled egg white with spinach and mushrooms

avocado smoothie

street corner strawberries, too ripe to be sold to grocery stores

homemade lengua estofado (white people not invited)

butterfish hand roll

fiji lakdi mithai

fruit salad consisting of: apple, jicama, oranges, cucumber, and optional melon (honeydew or cantaloupe) with mandatory seasoning of citrus juice, red pepper, and salt

fried egg over easy stirred into white rice with very small amounts of sesame oil and soy sauce

my dad is the only person who can make bbq ribs worth eating bc they are tender and heavily spiced with a homemade mustard-based sauce with more spices than i’ve ever seen on any other single object

japanese curry + chicken cutlet (my preferred curry but all are valid)

melted monterey jack cheese (any context)

go to 300 Juan Medina Rd., Chimayo, NM, 87522

muesli

homemade honey kale chip (YSAC)

extremely dry breve cappuccino

cinnamon life cereal

homemade sopapilla with honey

NYC mall shrimp tempura udon (ubiquitous in NYC indoor malls in 2009)

banana with brown sugar and a little butter heated in microwave for like 3 minutes. wait til it cools

just the crust of deep dish pizza without the toppings

buttered macaronis with white onion (poisonous to me)

hot dog and vegetable stir fry

chile con carne with MY family’s green chile recipe

oyster tasting paid for by somebody else

this one stout beer that i shared with my mother in 2017 that came in an unlabeled bottle found in the back of a restaurant that has since changed ownership. no other information

dishes containing roux, custard, or caramelized onions patiently made by your own hand (taste of the fruits of your labor)

my sister’s fucked up health recipes that are actually incredibly fucking good such as a very seasoned broth with like 5 different types of mushrooms, a buffalo chicken/sweet potato/turkey bacon casserole, and all of her various spaghetti squash glops. so FUCKING good.

arugula salad with nuts and fruits

steamed pumpkin (various seasonings)

any decently improvised sweet bread, cookie, or cake flavored chiefly with butter, white sugar, and almond extract

baked potato with the red skin no seasonings eaten outside in the cold

thick, ambrosia-like homemade horchata served in a mug at the mexican place with zero english speakers on staff

11 oz can apple sidra apple soda

banana at 2 am

worst ever food & drink

banana at 6 am

waffle house “hashbrown”

backsweetened fruit beer

whole wheat pancake

whole wheat or multigrain health flour tortilla. if you’re worried about your health just eat a corn tortilla or wrap ur stuff in lettuce

guiltiest pleasures of all time

bacon pb&j burger.

expensive californian bougie health snack bars that consist of unrecognizable seeds, unrecognizable nuts, and unrecognizable dried fruits, unrecognizably sweetened and stuck together in an unrecognizable mound

spoonful of stone ground mustard

back home theres a place where u can get craft beer, a rosé slushie actually worth havinf, taste 4 nearly identical dry red wines, and then say its ur birthday and get panini bread toasted with butter and a melted hersheys bar topped with whipped cream. the birthday treat only really tastes good once youve had the aforementioned quantity of alcohol, but i think that’s by design. like listening to shpongle while profoundly high on psychedelics

2 dennys pancakes with 2 eggs over easy placed betwixt, wherein they will be smashed and mixed with maple syrup until the entire mess is soggy yellow-brown and unrecognizable

bowl of chevys fresh mex salsa con cuchara

i experience that “just one more oreo” comic but with mazapan, & when i wake up from the mazapan fugue state every dark cloth in the house is stained permanently

hot cocoa consisting of: almond milk, dark cocoa powder, and stove heat

i will never forget starbucks sage and juniper latte in the fall of 2018. nothing else at that godforsaken restaurant will ever be that good.

those cute fude nuggets they sell at target that are like $15 per box that are shaped like stars, fishies, etc.

anything with garlic or onion (poisons me)

[tricksterfiction]

Prompt #1: Envoy

The way the wind moved and the air felt was always heavier, heavier than it would have been before a terrible rainstorm. Rich in mystery, steeped in time, glowing in abundance through the mirrored surface of a portal - Sen Urabe pushed through fingertips first to the other world. Begrudgingly meeting on the branches of an old old canopy beyond the star she knew. Even if the kitsune she represented were most often fighting among themselves, they still had plenty of time to trade favours with others.

Where light struggled to break through, creatures were darting between the shadows, floating through the leaves - but to the spirit world traversing raen she looked positively bored. It turns out even the ancient spirits beyond their realm found mundane things to fight over, and this was one of many kind of meetings to come.

On her heels belly low to the ground was an shimmery orange likeness of a red coat fox, in the breaks of light one could see the multiple tails swaying behind them. Beady black eyes stared ahead, ears scooping about with alertness.

They walked along thick branches, winding pathways to the surefooted. Arms floated out to keep balance on the narrow branches, moss was growing thicker with each step and eyes were on their backs...they were getting close. Stopping suddenly near the end of a branch as it curved into a circular opening, peering down all light disappeared.

She tossed her focus up over the open space, the crystal glowed a bright red.

Sen's lips puckered with thought, "Remind me, what exactly do you have to offer these folks?"

Kaze her spiritual patron by contract replied, their voice harmoniously pitched both high and low, "You are offering extermination detail, potent and precise extraction of a certain invasive species."

"Really? Is that what we're all the way out here for - clean up duty?" She complained, "I've done my time cleaning bed pans, massaging bunions, disinfecting-" Fingers coming up to count off all her examples but not before getting cut off by a mean little hiss from Kaze.

"These spirits...!" Kaze hissed then pulled back from snapping, "Are not equipped to such a thorough cleansing as a mage with fire. You can handle that can't you, little breeze?" Calm condescension, as usual.

Hanging her head back with a groan she crouched low offering Kaze the crook of her elbow to climb onto. Her focus floated back to her hand and hooked to her hip, the light holding steady.

Fearlessly she hopped off the ledge falling straight through, green streams of aether poured from the focus down her legs and surrounding her feet. What little light was above quickly became a pinhole the further they fell. From her shoulder Kaze was tethered, and announced their arrival with shrill barks in an ancient language.

Blinking past several unfamiliar creatures both big and small, Kaze's call was answered and the darkness took shape and the clearing came into view their descent slowed, gently landing like a feather floating down. The very tip of her boot first then settling.

Greeted by tall - far taller than she stalks of fungi, waxy in texture, deep frills, colourful array of the under canopy's dark network of a forest. Bio-luminescence provided just enough light to see the small eyes hiding among the mushroom caps, in the deep folds. To Sen's desensitized nose, the musty aroma was earthy and pungent.

Turning at her waist, she was surrounded by the spirits she came to help. Slowly scanning, she cleared her throat, "Our services ain't gonna come cheap but I can promise what needs be done will be done."