#declaring them all basically useless

[leederpfucker]

Hey how come Taco is getting a good amount of hate yet Walkie Talkie didn't

[freakinator]

devotionduo so codependent that when they try to be less so they end up hurting each other what if i kms

[veltana]

Unleashed - Avengers!Bucky/Fem!Reader

✦ Pairing: Avengers!Bucky Barnes/Fem!Reader

✦ Word count: ~4,2k

✦ Rating: Explicit

✦ Warnings/tags: Sex pollen adjacent kinda, smut, a bit fluffy, one shot, possessive!Bucky, co-workers/friends to lovers, oral sex (fem receiving), unprotected sex, vaginal sex, multiple orgasms, forced orgasms, orgasm denial, dirty talk, praise, creampie, pet names (doll).

✦ Summary: During a mission, Bucky is exposed to something that removes his inhibitions and all he wants is you.

✦ Note: Previously posted on AO3 since I have basically no time or energy to write new stuff. It was titled You’re what I need before but I always hated that title so I decided to re-name it. Bucky is kind of an asshole in this, but it's just because he wants you! As always, reblogs, comments, and asks are very welcome ❤️

Masterlist | AO3

The worst part about watching from afar as a mission goes to shit is that you feel useless. Even as you dispatch medics for the team all you can do is tell them, "Help is on the way."

Captain America shouts orders that you hear through the comms. The wait feels endless until the crew of the quinjet declares that they have spotted the team and there's not much else for you to do but look at your monitors and wait for an update. When you get the call back that the team is secure you breathe a sigh of relief, but then the next message is to prepare the medical staff to receive multiple injuries and chemical exposure. You ask the crew to clarify, but they are too busy, so when you notify the medical center, they prepare a quarantine room.

Sometimes you wish you had a superpower and could be there with them instead of staring at your monitors and doing endless calculations on whatever the team needs. But then when they return they always compliment your work and tell you they don’t know how they managed without you. You try to remind yourself of those moments at times like this.

Once the quinjet is docked and everyone has been accounted for you push away from your desk and remove your headset, taking deep breaths and trying to calm your heart. A moment later a message pops up on your screen, probably because they couldn’t reach you through your comms. [Bucky wants you to come down here]

Your heart does a little flip in your chest, making you scowl. He is your friend and probably injured, you have no idea why he would be asking for you, but it’s not because he feels the same way you do. You grab your tablet and head to the MedBay.

When you get down you take stock of the situation. Nat and Steve have some scratches, Sam's arm is broken and Wanda has a few cracked ribs. Tony is bruised, his suit had taken most of the damage. You look around for Bucky but don’t see him anywhere and quickly deduce that he must be the person currently in quarantine.

When you get to the wing, you’re almost too scared to go in, afraid to see what could have happened to him. Inside, you find a team of medical personnel discussing Bucky's condition with him through a glass wall. His hair looks damp and he's wearing standard-issue quarantine clothing, soft black pants, and a black sweatshirt. When he sees you standing patiently at the side he says. "You can come back later. I need to talk to her more than I need to talk to you. Go away." His voice comes from speakers in the ceiling.

You're shocked by his behavior but smile apologetically as the white coats pass you on their way out. When you get up to the glass you hiss. "Bucky, what is wrong with you, don't be rude.” "You make it sound like I'm never rude otherwise," he laughs. "You're not rude to healthcare professionals, you know better." You glare at him as you wake your tablet. “Now what did you need me for?”

"Do you like me?" he asks. Your mouth falls open and your heart starts to beat faster. You’re happy your vitals aren’t monitored as you quickly collect yourself and try to deflect his question. "Of course I like you Bucky, you're my friend." But now it feels weird to look at him and you find a spot on the wall far behind him to focus on.

"What if I want more than friends?" is his next question and despite your best efforts, hope warms your chest. This is not happening. Of course you toyed with the idea of you and Bucky, he is always sweet to you, and if he has the chance he brings you gifts from the missions. But you’ve told yourself repeatedly that he needs someone stronger, who can keep up with him in the field and you’re not that person.

"Can we have this conversation when you are not high on some HYDRA drug?” you ask, trying to keep your voice from betraying you. They are monitoring everything in the room. And there is a sheet of unbreakable glass in between you both. If you're going to confess your feelings, it won't be like this.

"I'm not high," he huffs. "My mind has never been clearer." "I still think we should have this conversation later." "Doll, look at me." The command in his voice is so strong you don’t think, you snap your eyes to his and they are so blue and soft.

"I will feel the same tomorrow, and the day after, whenever this drug wears off but now is the only time I can't hold my tongue," he explains. You place your hand on the glass and he does the same on the other side. "It will be fine Bucky, I promise," you say just as the door opens and Steve walks in, making you pull your hand back to your side. He's showered, in a fresh pair of clothes and he swings his arm over your shoulder.

"Stop hogging her time Bucky, I know for a fact that she also needs to debrief," he smiles but Bucky looks as if he's seeing red. Through gritted teeth he presses out, "Get your fucking arm off her, punk. She's mine."

You and Steve burst into laughter because it has to be a joke, but then Bucky punches the barrier with his vibranium arm. The glass doesn't crack but both you and Steve stop short and step away in shock. Steve removes his arm and says, "I'll meet you upstairs." Before quickly heading out.

You turn to Bucky and point at him, anger rising in your chest. "What is wrong with you? Steve is your friend!" "That is what it’s like in here every day,” he points to his head. You're taken aback by his statement and his wide feral eyes. Clearly, whatever he was exposed to had messed with his head and he's not himself. “Bucky I need to go,” you tell him, and before he can protest you continue. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” You smile feebly at him and are out the door before he can say anything else.

After debriefing and having dinner you go to bed early. Your head is spinning with the day and most of all, Bucky.

It's way past midnight when you wake to the soft closing of your door. Since you always sleep with a night light the soft warm glow reflects off his left arm and leaves no doubt about who has entered your room. You blink at him but before you can ask a question he rasps out, pleading. "I need you. So bad. Please doll, help me." He moves closer to your bed.

You quickly remove your covers and get up, glad the giant t-shirt covers you to your thighs, ready to spring into action. "Anything Bucky, what do you need?" You stop an arm's length from him, but all he does is reach his hand out to cup your face, letting his thumb stroke your cheek. There is a wild look in his eyes but you keep calm. "I can't get you what you need if you don't tell me," you whisper, meeting his eyes and watching as his brow furrows.

"I need you. Right now. If I don't get to touch and taste every inch of your body I'm going to lose my mind," he confesses in a low voice. His words shock you and you hitch a breath. You’re not sure what you’re supposed to do. You have this great friendship. If things were different you would not have minded taking it to another level, but with the day in mind and the fact that he somehow got out of his containment room you say, "Bucky, you’re not yourself, you need to get back to-”

"Doll,” he interrupts with a hard voice. “For once, I feel more like myself than I have in a long time. The only thing the drug did, I think, was remove my inhibitions. For once I feel free. My mind isn't controlled by HYDRA or by fear that you'll reject me. All I know is that I crave you and I can't be quiet about it anymore.”

"Bucky… I…" your whole body is flushed with warmth from his words and you're not sure how to respond. "I dreamt about you and couldn't stop myself from going over here. I don't want to hurt you, doll, but I'm not sure this drug will let me leave. All I wanna do is move closer to you.” You swallow hard as he continues, thumb still stroking your cheek. “Ask FRIDAY to get Steve, or the Hulk if you want me to leave."

Instead, you step into him, making up your mind in an instant and resting your hands on his chest. "Stay, I'll be glad to help you with anything you need," you whisper honestly and by the way his eyes widen there was still some doubt in his mind that you would reject him.

Instead of saying anything his vibranium hand grasps your waist and pulls you closer. There is no escaping the smell and size of him and his hands on you got your pussy throbbing for him already.

"I hope you understand what you've agreed to," he whispers, leaning closer. "Once I have you I won't stop, you'll never be rid of me. I'll claim you against every surface of this fucking compound if I need to." That makes you whimper and press harder against him. "Fuck you'd like that huh? Are you a kinky little thing? Like getting fucked where people can see you and hear you moan, do you want people to see my hard dick spread you open?" "Fuck Bucky!" You exclaim and lean your forehead against his chest. Maybe that idea excites you or maybe it is just that the word ‘claim’ sounds so primal.

"You're going to tell me all your little secrets later, doll. But now, I'm going to take what's mine." And with that, he crushes his lips to yours. He backs you towards the bed, kissing you the whole time, letting his hands explore you. When you land on your back, he stands over you with eyes like a predator about to devour its prey.

You shuffle up until your head rests on the pillows, spreading your legs for him. Without taking off any clothes he crawls after you, settling on his knees between your legs and placing his hands on the headboard, crowding you with his large frame. "Mine," he whispers and it makes a shudder pass through you. He ruts his clothed cock against your core, slicking your underwear even more and making you whine, gripping the sheets under you.

"Yes," he almost hisses as the length of his dick presses on your clit and forces a mewl out of you. It's been a long time since you've gotten laid. "Bucky," you plead. "No doll, I'm going to enjoy every fucking second of claiming you, from the outside in. Did you think this would be hard and fast and that I would be gone before you knew what happened?"

He lets go of the headboard to put his elbows beside your head instead, his weight on you, pressing you down into the mattress. "When I leave you will long for me, spend every waking second wishing I was still inside you. I want your cunt to be permanently drenched so I can fuck you whenever I please." He kisses you forcefully and any coherent thought that was left in your head flees. "And when you're too sore to take more of my dick in your pussy I'm going to do the same thing to your mouth and ass."

He rids you off your t-shirt and instead of having to move from between your legs to pull off your underwear, he rips them apart. "Ah!" you exclaim when the force of his movements jolts you but he takes no notice, he just stares at you, letting his hands roam up and down your sides, up to your tits, cupping them and caressing your nipples with his thumbs.

Whimpers are coming from you with every pass of this touch. Then he moves down and lays on his stomach, not saying a word as he sweeps his tongue over your pussy before he starts devouring you with a throaty moan.

It doesn’t take long for the first orgasm to take you, his movements are precise and his words and actions have made you hornier than you’ve ever experienced. Or maybe it's because he is the hottest person you’ve ever laid eyes on and he only wants you.

When you’re finished and sensitive he dips his tongue into your hole to taste you and groans loudly, lapping up the wetness from your orgasm. "Better than I've dreamed of," he says when he pulls away. Now you’re the one that must be high because you can't help but giggle. "You seriously dream of me?" "All the time, doll. Every night when I go to bed I wish you were with me and then you plague my sleep with your soft curves and radiant smile."

You're about to tell him how his laugh makes you warm and fuzzy on the inside but at that moment he sucks your clit into his mouth, cutting out every thought in your brain. He's gentle but not hesitant, it's as if he's feeling you out and when you make a particularly loud sound he continues the same movement, making your whole body go hot.

The second orgasm is intense enough to send aftershocks through for a long while afterward. Bucky lays his head on your thigh as you tremble, caressing your skin and letting the fingers of his right hand skim over your opening.

Despite what he's already given you, you still crave more. His fingertips never come close to where you need them and when you whine at the back of your throat Bucky smiles up at you. "Don't worry, I'm not even close to done with you, but I don't want you to pass out on me.” One of his fingers glides inside, making you take a sharp breath just because it feels so good. Once again he is careful, moving slowly, listening to your breath and your body.

"Please Bucky, I need more.” "No need to beg, I'll give you everything you want… in time," he breathes and kisses the skin on the inside of your thigh. Slowly he moves his finger in and out. You're sure it's a form of torture. The sweetest kind there is. Your breathing is labored and when he finally adds a second, you start to quiver.

He nips at your skin and then kisses it before speaking. "You look like a goddess, doll, eyes filled with lust, your skin is gleaming. I'm going to worship you until you're tired of me.” "Never gonna happen," you whimper. Then his thumb lands on your clit, making you cry out. Everything is so sensitive and overstimulated.

"I don't- Bucky, I don't think I can again," you tell him even though his touches are causing your insides to melt. "Yes, you will," his voice is soft but the command is clear. So instead of trying to speak again, you sink further into the madness that is him playing with you. The third one takes its sweet time but you never feel rushed or stressed that it's taking too long. Bucky isn’t in a hurry.

Then it’s suddenly there, crashing through you. "Fuck Bucky, fuck you're gonna make me come." "So good for me, let me feel you come on my fingers," he urges. "I'm going to lick them clean afterward so make sure you get them nice and wet for me. I want as much as you'll give me." The climax reaches its peak and you come with a cry of his name, body convulsing and your hand shooting down to tangle in his hair.

"Just like that doll," he smiles up at you and holds your gaze when he pulls out his fingers and sucks them clean, moaning while he does. It's a filthy sound, but it turns you on as if he didn't just make you come for the third time. Then he dives in between your legs again, licking at your skin and your soaked hole. Letting go of his hair all you can do is just lie there, writhing, as he somehow coaxes a fourth orgasm out of you.

“Fuck me,” you plead when he pulls back. “I need you inside me Bucky.” This time he takes pity on you and moves away to take off his clothes. When he’s naked he kneels between your legs again and you spread them as wide as you can. "Want me, doll?" he asks with a smirk. He swipes his cock through your mess and then uses his hand to coat himself with you. "Yes," is all you can say. Both you and Bucky stare as he pushes his dick into you, filling you up completely. Of course, he takes it torturously slow this time too.

"This feels better than any dream I've ever had," he whispers almost in awe. You grip his biceps and arch into him, pushing him deeper, faster. That makes him tsk but smiles at the same time as he pushes the rest of the way, finally seating himself. Without giving you a chance to relax he starts fucking you, his cock pushes perfectly against your insides, pulling sounds from you that you haven't made in years.

He sits back on his heels lifting your ass effortlessly until your weight is resting on your shoulders and neck. It's like he is in a trance, pulling you onto his cock over and over again. Your body is his, your mind has fled, and all you see and feel is just him all around you. His eyes keep changing between his dick filling your cunt, your bouncing tits, and your half-lit eyes as if he is not sure where to look. "Mine," he rasps and thrusts hard to empathize the word. "All mine. Say it."

It takes some time for your brain to connect to your mouth and form the words but his gaze never leaves you. "Yours," you whimper. "I'm yours, Bucky." There is a familiar heat low in your belly that's steadily spreading through your limbs. It makes you wiggle and move because it's overwhelming. He is overwhelming in the best sense. Whining you reach down to rub yourself but he slaps your hand away. "I thought I told you, it's mine. I own this cunt. If you wanna touch yourself you have to ask permission." It's as close to a growl as is humanly possible and you don't understand how he can be so cognizant right now, because your brain is like putty. "Can I please rub my clit Bucky, I wanna come on your cock so bad," you cry.

"Good girl," he praises, and when he calls you that, your mouth falls open with a keening sound, gripping the sheets even harder, pulling at them because you want to come so bad. "Do it, show me how you get off when you're alone in bed without me." Everything is slippery and sensitive when you start with your fingers and you immediately know it's going to go fast. With his previous words in mind, you ask. "Can I come?" He meets your eyes with a wicked smile. "Fast learner. Yeah, you can come… when I tell you."

You rip your hand away, afraid you might fall over the edge at any second. The sound out of your throat is almost a sob. "Don't be like that, doll, I thought you said you couldn't do it more times?" "I can-I can! As many times as you want just please let me come." "Fuck, I like it when you beg with my cock in you." But he doesn't say anything else, just continues fucking you. He's not even winded while you're straining your entire body. Your hand wants to move back, anything to relieve the pressure inside you but Bucky was very clear and you don’t want to disobey him.

Then he pulls out and drops you onto the bed, but you don't get to relax because he flips you onto your stomach and pushes one of your knees up to the side before he presses in. His dick hits your G-spot dead on and you scream into the pillow under you. Bucky chuckles right by your ear. "Guess I found it." He's merciless, his hips hit your ass hard and if it weren't for his weight pressing you down you would soon hit the headboard.

"Bucky!" you wail because it's too much. You're losing the last pieces of your mind to the sheer force of the pleasure and you're scared you're never going to be able to come back to yourself. Then his hand presses in between you and the mattress. "Rub yourself on my fingers, make yourself cum. Fuck my cock and come all over me doll." You brace yourself as best you can and move your hips as he keeps almost completely still, just shallow thrusts in stark comparison to what he was doing to you just moments ago.

His fingers slide along your clit, his cock brushing your G-spot over and over again. You're breathless, sweat breaking out along your skin, but the climax you're chasing will be well worth it. You just know it.

"I can't fill you up until I’ve felt you come around me," he grunts, his voice tight with holding back. You whimper, the feeling of fire flushing your whole body, and building up to an eruption like no other. "Yes, yes, yes," he chants low in your ear. "That's it, come for me, make me proud. Fuck it feels so good." And he starts moving again "I'm going to fill you fucking full of my cum. That's it!"

The heat in you breaks and you come with a shout of his name, shaking under him. It gets even more intense when Bucky finishes right behind you, groaning your name. He collapses on top of you but his hips are still moving, slowly, as if he doesn’t want it to ever end. Neither would you but your body is wrecked.

When he finally rolls off, you're so close to falling asleep, but he picks you up and carries you to the bathroom. "Pee." He points and you want to tell him that you know the drill, this isn't your first time, but all that comes out is a grumble before he closes the door behind him and you sit down on the toilet.

When you're done, you stumble out and have a moment of panic, thinking he left. But then the door opens and Bucky returns with two bottles of water, handing you one before leading you to the bed and sitting you down on the edge. Gratefully you drink and lean against his shoulder before asking. "How do you feel?" "Better than I have in a long time," he answers, kissing your forehead. You chuckle. "Yeah I have a magical pussy, it can cure anything," you joke and it makes him laugh. "You should get back to quarantine," you comment. "Before anyone notices." He shakes his head. "No I'm staying here, I'm never leaving you again." He takes the bottle from your hand and places it on the bedside table together with his own. Then he crawls beneath the sheets and you go after him, letting him envelop you in a tight embrace before you fall asleep.

Alarms blare and you wake with a start. "FRIDAY what's going on?" you ask out into the room. “Sergeant Barnes has escaped his confinement.” The voice echoes through the room. You sigh and glare at Bucky grumbling beside you, like the loud signal is just a regular alarm clock. "FRIDAY please inform the team that Bucky is here and everything is fine."

A second later the sound dies and with a sigh you get up to pull on yesterday's discarded t-shirt and find a pair of pants. Right when you're done there is a knock on the door and Steve asks, "Everything okay in there?" You open the door enough to show yourself. "We're fine, he broke out during the night and came here." "Oh," Steve says and there is a hint of blush on his cheeks.

Then you feel a presence behind you and Bucky’s arm goes around your waist. "Mine," he says and you can't see him but he's probably glaring daggers at Steve who backs away. "We'll be okay, I'll alert FRIDAY if I need help," you tell Steve. When you close the door Bucky turns you before pushing you up against it and kissing you hard. "Mine," he mumbles against your lips. "Fucking caveman," you tell him. He grabs you around the waist and throws you over his shoulder. "I'll show you caveman," he says and carries you to the bed

[sorchathered]

All I want for Christmas is you🎄

A/N- Hey y’all! This is my submission for @bellaireland1981 Hallmark Holiday writing challenge! A little corny, perfectly christmassy, and just in time for the holidays! I hope you all love it!

Pairing- Jake Seresin x reader (callsign Fawn)

Warnings- Language, Angst, Jake Seresin in love

Summary- the squad gets roped into a holiday charity auction, where dates with single male aviators are the prize. Will you bite the bullet and tell Jake how you feel before Christmas break? Or will you have to watch him go on a date with someone else?

The air was filled with excitement this week. Christmas block leave started in a few days and Maverick could tell that everyone on his team was going to be completely useless. No one could blame them though; it had been a hell of a year and going home for a few days was a guaranteed way to boost their spirits and get them back in the game for the new year. The knock on his office door was unexpected though, and when Admiral Simpson marched into his office he knew the time for celebration was probably on hold. Matching orders in hand he groaned as he made his way down to the ready room; the guys were going to hate every minute of this. It would be hilarious.

"I guess Cyclone's wife is part of some fancy supper club and they decided to auction off dates with single aviators as a big prize. I mean it all goes to charity so l guess it's not all bad." Natasha says with a shrug as she digs into her lunch, Bradley looks less than enthused about the whole ordeal and Jake doesn't seem to have a care in the world. "It's more like we got volun-told to do it, the only consolation is a four day weekend, if you ask me we could have at least gotten a gift card or something." Bradley grumbles, and you can't help but agree it does seem pretty meager considering they are basically being sold to a bunch of middle aged women to ogle them. You can't help but be a little annoyed at how chill Jake seems about it though; it's not like the two of you were serious or anything, but the little green monster was clawing at you at the thought of someone else holding his attention. You'd unpack that later, now wasn't the time.

If Jake seems unphased to you then it must be a Christmas miracle, he can’t stop wondering what you’re thinking about this whole ordeal; would you bid on him? Would he have to go on some stupid date with a 50+ year old divorcee and make small talk? He didn’t mind being ogled for charity, it was for a good cause and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t know he looked as good as he does. He should tell you how he feels, just bite the bullet and ask you to be his girlfriend. The thought of you laughing over the ridiculousness of him settling down has kept him from making the declaration, he may seem cocky and cool headed but on the inside? Well he’s a big ball of nerves when it comes to you. You weren’t like anyone he’d ever been into before, and the thought of getting turned down was down right soul crushing. So he’d settled for casual hook ups, late night booty calls and shitty diner food late at night when you wanted company. He wanted more; real dates where he held your hand and got dressed up to eat fancy shit he couldn’t pronounce, waking up and eating breakfast together, goodnight kisses before you passed out in each other's arms. He was getting soft, or at least that’s what Javy said when he got that dopey look on his face when you entered the room. He’d tell you after Christmas block leave, surely by then he’d have his shit together enough to make his case.

You had to admit that while the San Diego women’s supper club was a stuffy bunch, they certainly knew how to throw a swanky affair. The ballroom of the Lafayette Hotel was decked to the brim with an old Hollywood Christmas vibe. Garlands covered in holly and poinsettias covered the doorways, Christmas lights and candles as far as the eye could see, as a jazz band played holiday classics while the crowd of upper class ladies mingled with their crystalline glasses of spirits. It very much felt like stepping back in time; almost as if Sinatra himself was preparing to take the stage. You were definitely glad Phoenix had the forethought to drag you and Halo out to dress shop earlier in the week, your cocktail dress you usually donned for weddings wouldn't have cut it for something like this. The event said black tie and they weren’t kidding, even the guys in the squad had shown up in tuxes, and you had to keep your composure because Jake Seresin in a suit was a feast for the eyes. He mingled a little with the group as he made his way over to you, beer in hand because you can dress him up but he’s still a good ol’ southern boy at heart. His gaze over your frame heated your skin, and he knew damn well he had you flustered, flicking his toothpick around in his mouth as he grinned at you.

“You look good Fawn, damn good.” You felt good too, it was a beautiful night and he was by your side, now if only you could get yourself together enough to tell him how you felt. “I have something I need to talk to you about Jake, before we all go on block leave and don’t see each other until the new year.” He cocks an eyebrow at you and leans in so he can give you his full attention, this is it, just jump off the edge headfirst and tell him you want a real relationship. “I want us-“ You hear someone clear their throat behind you, it’s Admiral Simpson and his wife- beckoning all the eligible bachelors to meet up on stage so the auction can begin. With a groan Jake drops his head to your ear, squeezing your hand as an apology as he asks you to hold that thought. Ugh! You should’ve just said something sooner, now you’ll be left with your anxiety to keep you company while you watch a bunch of women place their bids. The girls make their way back to their seats, Halo suggests that Phoenix should place her bets on Coyote; Lord knows neither of them have been subtle about their hookups these days.

“I doubt any of us has the money to throw around that these rich old bags do.” “Oh my God Phe!” You crack a smile at her crassness, she and Javy seem so solid; nothing like the uncertainty you feel in your gut right now.

“Oh shit, isn’t that Admiral Roger’s ex wife? The one Jake got trash duty for hooking up with?” Halo whispers as an elegant looking woman walks past them with a sneer. “Fuck. Yeah that’s her. She got reported by Mav for stalking Jake too, went completely bat shit after their hookup and wanted to be his sugar mama or some shit. She’s bad news. You don’t think she’ll bid on him do you?” Phoenix said, frown etching her pretty features as she looked at you for an answer. You didn’t have one, you hadn’t even thought about her in months. She’d really fucked with Jake mentally, it was part of the reason you’d kept relationship talk off the table because you were afraid you’d run him off after that train wreck. If she was here it was almost guaranteed that it was to stir the pot, you had to do something, anything to keep him out of her cross hairs. “Phe, I gotta go talk to Mav- but we have to protect Jake. See what everyone’s got in extra cash- we may need it.”

The auction was definitely a success, these ladies knew what they wanted and went for it. Harvard had gone for 5,000 and as the rest of the guys were filing out you imagined the prices would just keep rising. The feeling in your stomach felt more like a boulder as you watched the former Mrs. Rogers and her gaggle of snotty girlfriends ogle over each of your friends. This was supposed to be a fun joke for charity but the more you thought about this woman using it to manipulate the man you loved the more sick you felt. Mav had assured you that he’d handle it as best he could; Iceman seemed confident that combined everyone could place a bet to win Jake and that there was no need to worry but it did little to calm your nerves. Finally Jake takes his turn on the stage, flashing his trademark grin and playing it up for the crowd. He caught your eye and gave you a wink, and as much as you wanted to return it you couldn’t bring yourself to smile. What if someone else won him? What if she won him? I mean yeah it’s just a line dancing date for charity but still. This woman is a nightmare in heels and you’d rather not watch him suffer through an evening with her.

“I’ll start the bidding at 100 dollars!” Mrs. Simpson calls out over the microphone, and a chorus of bids ring out through the ballroom. A bidding war breaks out between Mrs. Rogers and an ancient looking woman seated in the front, bringing the price to nearly 10,000 dollars. Jake looks off kilter as he watches his stalker fight over the bid prices, and you realize that none of you have the cash to help keep him from getting away unscathed. “Oh god, he’s really gonna have to deal with her isn’t he?” You groan, Phoenix rubbing your arm absentmindedly as the price skyrockets to 30,000. It appears though that Mrs. Rogers has finally met her match, at 35,000 she gives up and relinquishes her place to the little old lady. Finally you can breathe a sigh of relief; cheers ring out among your table as the older woman stands up and takes a bow, digging in her purse for her black card. When her name is announced you can’t help but laugh; it turns out she’s Icceman’s beloved mother in law, she loves charity work and has a ridiculous amount of money and nowhere to spend it. She pinches Jake’s cheek as he makes his way over to her, with a robust laugh she shoos him off to the table your squad resides, and he is back to grinning like he won the lottery himself.

“What did she say to you? Ice’s mom?” You say later in the evening, Mrs. Rogers' husband apparently got a very interesting text from her someone about her whereabouts and left shortly after the auction ended with her tail between her legs. “She said I have a damn good squad looking out for me, but it’s more about what Mav said that I want to talk about. How about we take a walk, sugar?” He downs the rest of his whiskey and takes your hand in his, leading you out to the lobby where it’s quieter.

Before you can say a thing he’s got you all wrapped up in his strong arms, leaning in with a gleam in his eye as he kisses you by the obscenely large Christmas tree. You melt into it, the noise of the party drowned out by the rush of blood in your ears, your head going a little fuzzy as he deepens it to the point of indecency. When he finally pulls away you chase his lips and he chuckles, stroking your jaw and soaking up the moment. “Mav told me you saved me from an evening of hell with my stalker, that true pretty girl?” You’ve been caught and you know it. “I just didn’t think it was right; you deserve better than that. A-and if I’m being honest, I didn’t want anyone else to have your time…especially not her.” You frown in frustration and he can’t help but find that little crease between your eyebrows so damn endearing.

“What did you want to tell me earlier? I can take a guess and hope like hell I’m right but I need to hear you say it.” He looks at you with so much love, it’s overwhelming and heats you all the way to your toes.

“I want us. I know we’ve been keeping things casual, but I fell in love with you Jake, and I want more with you. If that’s what you want too.” You’ve got his heart in your hand and you don’t even know it, he leans in to kiss you again as he whispers against your lips. “All I want for Christmas is you darlin’, couldn’t ask for a better gift. I’m yours, loving you is the easiest thing I can do and I’ll do it forever if you let me.” It was the best Christmas gift you’ve ever received.

Tagging- @bellaireland1981 @roosterforme @attapullman @honeytwrites @heavenssins @djs8891 @kmc1989 @mynameismckenziemae @kissmecaitie @sunsetsimpsblog @sio-ina-bottle @pinguhub @lenafromthenordiccoven @shanimallina87 @trickphotography2 @teacupsandtopgun

[makomoto-chan]

Can I get Fyodor,Nikolai,President,Dazai and Ranpo with Waking up them with kisses?

ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ ) ☆ .• ° ⁠✧.+

a/n: writing about Dostoevsky and Fukutawa is been so damn hard 🥲

You're sitting on the soft bed of your shared apartment, looking at your adorable lover, who seemed so angelic and calm while asleep. to think he's such an ass when he's awake. regardless, even after uncountable complaints and advices by Kunikida, you agreed to date him. this self-destructive emotional drama queen who was now laying in an almost unconscious state -he looks dead when he sleeps-, is unexpectedly your whole world.

you lean in to give him a soft kiss on the forehead, moving away his bangs with your hand. ugh. he doesn't even move a little. you poke his cheeks a couple if times, but he doesn't react. well, now it's a mission. you start pampering kisses all over his face and the moment Dazai wakes up you see him staring up at you in obvious confusion.

"w... what?..."

you just look at him with a wide smile, and the second after he's wrapping his arms around your neck and pulling you down on top of him, leaving kisses on your neck and lips.

"what a beautiful good morning, Bella!~"

you walk in the bedroom holding a bag of sweets, expecting him to be awake at 10 in the morning, but... of course you were wrong. knowing him, trying to wake him up with normal methods is useless. fortunately, you always know what to do! you knee on the bed next to him and lean in dramatically to kiss him as if he was the Sleeping Beauty and you were the prince, to which he narrows his eyes open just enough to see you. he smiles and closes his eyes again, declaring:

"hu-huh, I want more!"

and so you get pulled on the bed by a childish, clingy, just-woke-up version of your lovely Ranpo.

after a while of cuddling you hear him whispering "you don't think I didn't see the bag from the candy shop."

Nikolai is a... unpredictable man. it's not easy to understand what he's going to so, and sometimes you wonder if even he knows what he's doing. so today, seeing him asleep on your shared bed (it's a rare sight because usually he wakes up before you), you can't help but wonder what his reaction would be if you woke him up with kisses. as you start thinking about it, you can't fight the urge to try, and so you fastly leave a kiss on his lips and pull away. apparently he's a lighter sleeper than you thought, because he instantly open one eye to look at you with a smirk.

"oh? my darling is trying to be romantic?"

you pout slightly at the teasing, turning your head away. "I'm always very romantic, Nik."

he laughts and sit up straight on the bed and caresses your cheek.

"my love, good morning."

"good morning."

you knock at his office -well, calling it an office isn't really accurate, but how to call a dark, messy room dedicated to computers?- but there's no response. so you open the door, the light from outside fastly filling the room and showing a floor entirely covered by clothes and packs. yeah. he basically lives there. you see him sitting on his chair in front of a pc and you tap his shoulder, but he doesn't react.

"oh, so he finally fell asleep..."

and suddenly a thought pops out in your mind: what if this cold, heartless man was woken up by his assistant's kisess? sure, it was a dare, but after all what isn't with him? yeah, you feel like a daredevil today! you lean in to kiss his cheek, and the exact moment your lips touch his skin he opens his eyes, just to discover his assistant was braver than he thought.

"oh? what was that, my dear?"

you feel your cheeks heating up and try to act nonchalant despite being suddenly so nervous about what his reaction could be "a-ah, nothing! I was just... giving you a good morning kiss...?"

the room falls silent for a few minutes, in wich his eyes never leave yours, then he says

"ah. I might want another."

You step in the president's office at the ada to give him some papers, but you find him alseep on his chair, a cat on his lap. you smile softly to yourself, he must be extremely tired if he fell asleep like that. "hm, I almost don't want to wake him up..." you think, but then the ✨intrusive thoughts✨ win. you walk next to his chair and lean in, kissing him on the forehead. he slowly open his eyes, and at firt he doesn't realize what's happening, then he sees you and his face suddenly becomes a dark red. he fastly sits up on the chair, the cat that was on his lap jumping off and running away. he clears his throat, taking his head in his hands.

"ehm... I... I was just relaxing my eyes...."

you chucke and leave the papers on his desk "yes, sure, president."

"don't tell anyone about this.."

"your secrets are sure with me."

[nostalgicmiscellaneous]

I'm quite honest when i say this: No, Season 3 didn't have much angst. In fact, Polin fans were lucky because even their angst had moments of the characters clearly showing love. Their main issues start at the end of Ep6, so it only truly reflected starting on Ep7. They have the fight, some hurtful words, but then they meet on the streets and have a great conversation, they have a moment evidently showing their love for each other. Later that night, Colin basically confirms that all the issues he has with trust because of LW, when he talks to Kate, are not enough to truly taint his love for her. We get to the wedding, and it's full of love, tenderness and Colin unable to hide the depth of his feelings. The Queen barging in and his concern, his worry for her safety and his family as well is triggered again. He can't yet truly grasp that LW is a fundamental part of her and he reacts as something that is above her love and care for him and his family + his insecurities. As we all know, he feels useless, unloved, unworthy, ''less than". We get Colin sleeping right outside their bedroom. Again, his feelings are eating him up. He also feels guilty that his family might be at risk because he chose Pen and yet he knows he would do it again and again. He doesn't feel too little, he feels too much and that's his problem. He doesn't know what to do and how to do things. Over and over again he tries to protect her and show her his love. Oh, but he didn't sleep with her that night? GOOD! Yes, you heard it. Good, he shouldn't have. In fact, i'd feel bad if he had. I'd feel like at that moment he just used her to placate his desires. As long as he was still struggling - and he had the right and it make perfect sense for him to be -, with his feelings about the situation, his concerns, i'm glad that he wasn't just, 'hey, i'm feeling horny, you're gorgeous and i love you and ofc seeing you in your sexy nightgown turns me on so i'm going to fuck you, even if i'm still struggling because i'm a man and men can't be sensitive and need time, complete connection and trust to make love to someone they value and love, they gotta fuck". For real, people? For real? It's a drama, a romantic drama. They make everything right in the same episode, they confess and declare their regrets and love, their hopes and their trust, they make love - and no, it's not porn, we don't need to be shown more than we were in Eps4 and 5 -, they have a beautiful baby, they are are working on their their dreams ( writing) and taking care of their families, they are happy and in love with complete trust and admiration. There was little angst. Now, if you wanted one more conversation between them, another one where they could share their feelings and have intimacy ( not even talking about sex), sure, i would've loved too. But it is not enough for the over the top dramatics some of you make it out to be, the exaggerated complaints. I wont change my mind over the mind and feelings of someone else, i feel this season is very good, a solid one with good chemistry romance between the leads. I enjoyed and like more everytime i watch. I always think about what i wanted more and what i wanted differently when i watch shows/movies, but i also never allow it to cloud the things i did get and that i love it, because when i weight it all, i love more things in it than otherwise, in this case. Wanting more is good, means Nicola and Luke did a good job making you want to see them, and you'll in S4.

[1ichtbringer]

gege had a set of the coolest and most skilled female characters and somehow managed to underutilise them all

- yuki: special grade powerhouse, did revolutionary research on cursed energy and souls, cool fucking shikigami that she turned into a living cursed tool, can throw hands with the strongest male characters, caught a main villain off by turning herself into a fucking BLACK HOLE -> was ultimately wasted/ her loss didn’t make sense

- maki: nearly physically en par with sukuna, could even fight him in the air, superhuman strength and senses, extreme speed, has been able to see the fucking soul for half of the story (which was a crucial thing in the whole sukuna fight?), sukuna states to be intrigued by her the most -> underutilised as hell, basically thrown aside in the last fight

- nobara: badass fights, can hold her own ground even against stronger opponents, has a technique that’s incredibly dangerous for TWO major antagonists -> taken out for more than half of the story, no character development and comeback makes no sense at all

- yorozu: smart and strong sorcerer despite being born with an extremely energy inefficient technique, literally jujutsu engineer from fucking heian era that does research to make the most of her weaknesses -> is being used as a comic relief, reduced to having an annoying crush and being a test object for mahoraga, is only relevant to the story because of her vessel

- angel/ hana: extremely dangerous technique for incarnated sorcerers including sukuna, with whom angel is said to have some sort of ancient beef -> literally declared to be absolutely useless for… losing an arm??? let’s not forget that hana’s affection for megumi is constantly depicted as angel’s weakness (gullible girls and their irrational feelings amirite?)

- shoko: one of the three known RCT users that can heal others with their technique (the other two being a special grade and the king of curses), head of their medical team -> never really shown in action, barely any screen time

[honeycreammilkshake]

Reminder yuji's grandpa told yuji to help people even if they DONT WANT TO. YUJI saved sukuna

Hi, anon. You're so right. I'm so obsessed with this chapter that it's making me sick...

From the very start, Yuuji has been the only one to show Sukuna empathy or compassion. As I've written before, everyone else makes their "declaration of love" into competition to force Sukuna to see things their way, to try to make him submit to them, but Yuuji has been so intimate and open, so gentle, with the King of Curses like no one else has.

During chapter 265, he took Sukuna on a literal scenic tour of all his childhood memories. Sukuna actually goes along with this, without being overly hostile or mocking... which is a really interesting and unexpected thing for his character to do!!! It indicates to me that, if even only subconsciously and even if he hates it, Sukuna actually respects and cares about this brat. He's willing to listen to him, to hear him out, to even indulge him by doing whatever the brat asks him to do together like archery or fishing... all things that if anyone else asked the King of Curses to do, he would more than likely kill them on the spot for their insolence.

Ever since then Yuuji has been owning Sukuna completely. He's gotten under that cursed skin far too deep for Sukuna's liking...

Their fight scene from 266 really illustrates this well.

Call it what you want, but to me this scene just confirms that Sukuna is blatantly denying his own feelings. To react that strongly to Yuuji's sympathy and pity... to feel like it's nothing more than Yuuji looking down at him... Sukuna is scared of being seen as anything other than an inhuman, unfeeling monster of chaos; he can't stand that Yuuji - someone he sees as weaker, someone who lived alongside him, someone he made suffer - is still being merciful and willing to give Sukuna a second chance of sorts.

Sukuna claims that he knows what love is, has told Kashimo that it's because he "understands love" that he finds it meaningless. But in actuality, Sukuna doesn't understand love - he understands the lack of it.

Which is what makes Yuuji's approach to finally teaching Sukuna love all the more interesting, because he is literally trying to remedy that lack of love, to fill that void in Sukuna's life up.

In chapter 268, we see Sukuna in a very pathetic, cornered position. He's literally at Yuuji's mercy.

Yuuji is standing over Sukuna, more than capable of ending things for good. He's gotten Megumi back already, so he technically has no reason to keep Sukuna alive. He can choose to take all his more-than-justified hate out on Sukuna.... but he doesn't.

Instead... he shows Sukuna just how far his love and compassion can go. He reaches down, so tenderly when Sukuna doesn't deserve it, and cups the monstrous King of Curses in his hands, so softly.

Sukuna is literally dying in Yuuji's hands. Instead of mocking him, or making him suffer, as one of the other "strongest" people would do, Yuuji is instead reaching out to him.... yet again!

He basically says "I see you, Sukuna. I understand that if our circumstances we're different, we could very well have had the same fate or still been the opposites of each other. But I accept the way things have turned out for us - I accept you. We can live together because I care about you even if no one else does."

Yuuji has suffered in Sukuna's own hands, but Yuuji cradles Sukuna in his. Yuuji been called weak, pathetic, and useless by Sukuna. But still he stands. After everything Sukuna has done... Yuuji hasn't broken. In fact, he believes in his ideals more than ever. He's extending that mercy to Sukuna when anyone else would have killed him. He's being so softly intimate with him.

That is what makes Yuuji so strong, truly stronger than everyone else. He doesn't give in, he doesn't break down, he doesn't become hopeless and shattered. He's as kind, caring, and loving as ever.... Sukuna can't take it.

This tsundere bitch is literally dying instead of accepting Yuuji's marriage proposal. Can't handle his own feelings for real.

What's really interesting to me is how Sukuna uses Yuuji's full name here, too. In the past, he always referred to Yuuji as "brat" and so many other demeaning names, but now... now he's admittedly recognizing Yuuji as someone with worth, even saying "I should congratulate you."

He is mistaken though. I think he knows that Yuuji wouldn't lie about wanting to live together with Sukuna. After all, he's been inside of Yuuji. He knows the brat isn't the type to be dishonest about these kinds of things. Megumi is safe now, so how can Yuuji seek to gain anything from staying by Sukuna's side?

And also, if it was all to mock Sukuna, why does Yuuji look so heartbroken when Sukuna refuses his offer??

That is the look of someone who is disappointed in what happened, not glad that Sukuna chose death instead of love.

I have so many thoughts on this... I could write a whole other meta but literally... this is just an outright confession of love, no matter how you interpret it.

All I can say is... Sukuita best ship.

Thanks for your ask, anon! Wishing you a happy rest of your week <3

[nellie-elizabeth]

What We Do in the Shadows: The Finale (6x11)

It's so wild to finish watching this finale and then hop over to Tumblr to see people lamenting and grieving for this epic queer-bait on one hand, and then other people throwing a party because Nandermo is canon now, and I'm just like... what show did you all think you were watching? lol. This was a fun finale.

Cons:

This finale cemented once and for all that the Guide was pretty useless as a character, and I hate saying that because I love the actress and I wanted her to have more to do. But her final character beat is that Cravensworth's Monster is really horny for her? The alternate ending where she's a detective on the case of the vampires was really funny, and it was the first solid bit they've given Kristen Schaal all season, and that bums me out. They even get in a last mention of Nandor's feelings for the Guide, which again goes nowhere and isn't funny or clever or interesting. So that's a bummer.

Also, I want to be careful here because there's all this extra weight put on finales to be some big thing that both shatters and preserves the status quo and that's an impossible standard to live up to, but, the one thing I do wish for was a bit of a resolution or at least an escalation on the whole "the vampires have fallen down on the job of conquering the new world" plot. It's just that the season started with that, and I didn't need some gigantic world-altering payoff, but some sort of circling back in a way that felt like things ended with a bit of momentum into the nebulous future might have been nice? Not the end of the world, but whatever.

To give space to the people who are sad about Nandermo, I will say I wish this show had had a bit more of a substantial relationship to the queerness of all the characters. For all that every single one of them is casually mentioned to be sexually attracted to multiple genders in a way that's really freeing, the only core romantic relationship on the show that has story-lines and gets narrative weight, is between Nadja and Laszlo. I honestly would never have expected or even wanted this finale to be some big grand "Ross and Rachel are finally together" moment for Nandor and Guillermo, but if I reflect back over the show as a whole... yeah. I do wish the queerness of the entire cast had been slightly less incidental in some way? It's more a reflection on some adjustments they might have made over the years, rather than a complaint about this finale in and of itself.

Pros:

Honestly, as I said above, finales have such a weird heavy lift in the TV world, especially when it comes to a comedy like this show. You have two options: either the show ends with a big change, the status quo splintering off and leaving you with a bittersweet sense of time passing (i.e. Friends), or else you basically say: and things go on thusly forevermore, and even if you're not here to see it, they're still out there being themselves. And frankly for this show, any ending that wasn't a preservation of the status quo would have felt disingenuous to me. Because the core tenant for these characters is that they're vampires and they'll continue on indefinitely being who they've always been. It's the core tension of Guillermo as a character, that he's a human with the impulse to grow and change, and his chosen family is frozen in time in a way he can never fully understand or be a part of. It's the thing about the show that makes it a good sitcom, but also doesn't lend itself naturally to some big climactic moment where everything snaps together.

So what do they do with it? They go meta! The episode starts with a setup as if it's going to be about Cravensworth's Monster turning horny and offering his dick as a gift to the Guide, and what they're going to do about this situation. But then, just as everyone's discussing it and giving their cut-away interviews to camera, the documentary crew suddenly declares that they have enough footage and they're done. Everybody else takes this completely in stride, but Guillermo is devastated and confused. So many years, basically his whole adult life, he's been followed around by these cameras, he's had his life structured into narrative arcs, and now... what? What was it all for?

One of the core strengths of the "found family" thing in this show is that the jokes can keep rolling while there is actually a subtle underpinning of sweetness to certain moments. So here, nobody takes Guillermo's reaction all that seriously, they all play off the end of the documentary filming like it makes no difference at all. But, at the same time, they all do something to acknowledge Guillermo's pain in their own way, and try with the typical clumsiness of this gang of vampires to offer him something in the way of comfort. Early season Colin and Nadja and Laszlo and Nandor wouldn't even have bothered to pretend to give a shit that Guillermo is upset, but here we have Laszlo offering to play a tune on the piano, Colin giving empty platitudes and talking about the nature of found family (even though he says he lost his found family in the early twentieth century and has been forced to hang out with these people instead). You have Nadja, using her new keen insight into human psychology to explain to Nandor why Guillermo must be upset, hitting the nail on the head by remarking that Guillermo probably feels like his opportunities for growth and development have passed him by. She uses her hypnotic powers to give the audience the perfect ending they would want, and we'll get into those alternate endings a little later on. And Nandor - Nandor gives Guillermo the stage to speak to the cameras and offer his own resolution, and makes earnest entreaties for them to stay together and be partners in fighting crime.

It's silly, and they all fumble it, and it's not actually reassuring or comforting except that the very effort in and of itself proves that they care. And that proves that these vampires are capable of change, doesn't it?

Guillermo really got the Main Character treatment here at the end, which is honestly his due: he's the one who has to grapple with the documentary ending, with the knowledge that this isn't even the first time his friends have been followed by cameras, that life is cyclical and that everything he's been through isn't new or original. He has to come to terms, in a meta sense, that he's a character in a sitcom. And so he goes for the sentimental ending: he helps put Nandor down to rest in his coffin one last time, acting as a familiar in all ways, and then he tells Nandor goodbye: that it's time for him to move on. He calls Nandor "Master" and when Nandor says he doesn't have to do that, Guillermo says: "I know. But you'll always be Master to me." And then he closes the coffin, slowly and with finality. Both actors give genuinely solemn and touching performances in this moment.

The end.

Of course, a camera still rolling in the corner of the room picks it up when Guillermo doubles back right away, interrupting the crew packing up their equipment. Nandor is pleased to see that Guillermo hasn't left after all, and Guillermo explains that he just wanted to give a satisfying conclusion to the documentary. He has no intention of leaving Nandor! And Nandor treats him as a friend and an equal, inviting him to share his coffin (although not, ostensibly, in a sexy way). Turns out, despite Guillermo's worries that the whole crime fighting thing was a whim and that he'd have to do all of the work, Nandor has actually been working hard on his secret underground lair, accessible only through a secret coffin-shaped tunnel through the earth. Our last glimpse of Nandor and Guillermo in the narrative proper is the two of them plunging through the earth in a coffin together, on their way to Super Hell. Or, I mean, their secret underground lair from which they'll fight crime.

I loved it, honestly. Guillermo's awareness of narrative convention, this whole season being about him stepping back and making his own choices, and then Nandor asking for Guillermo to come back, and Guillermo ending up where he wants to be without any false promises between him and Nandor. They are not a Master and his Familiar. They are friends, and equals, and it was honestly exactly the ending that makes sense for these two. A balancing point between the stagnation inherent in a character like Nandor, for whom change is almost impossible, and a character like Guillermo who had to go on a whole journey to figure out where he wanted to end up.

And then, we've got to talk about Nadja's three proposed "perfect" endings for the viewer. She hypnotized us into three parodies: the first is a Bob Newhart thing, where Nandor wakes up next to his husband Guillermo in bed, having had a crazy dream that encompasses the whole plot of What We Do in the Shadows. I saw some people saying that this was "making fun" of the viewers who shipped these characters, but like, guys, this show is nothing but making fun of everyone. It's all that, it's all jokes, it's all goofy. We got to hear some version of Nandor call Guillermo "honey," we got to see Guillermo kiss Nandor on the cheek. It made me giggle, it was so delightfully absurd. And it really revealed that the creators of the show understand what the Nandermo part of their audiences were picking up on - it's saying, yeah, some of you wanted this as an ending, but can't you see that the two of them having some grand romance at the last second would be genre-and-tone-breaking? I loved the line where Nandor was saying that in his dream, he and the other vampires all were having a lot of sex with each other, and "not you, Guillermo." Amazing.

The other alt "endings" provided by Nadja, available at least on Hulu as extra features, are great also... and I saw by reading some of the reviews of this episode that it seems people genuinely got different endings somehow when watching live - people reacted to the Nandermo Bob Newhart thing as one of the "alts," but I saw it as the actual content of the episode. The reviews that I saw all had the "Usual Suspects" ending as the one in the actual episode, with the others as the alts. That is fantastically troll-worthy behavior and SUCH a good note to go out on, the idea that some people might see one of the three endings and genuinely not know there's more out there. Through these endings we get to see Sean and Derek and some other frequent guest characters play bit parts, which is a fun way to give some of the extended cast a last hurrah.

I want to end by saying that if you're feeling hurt or betrayed by how this show ends, I want to honor that feeling as legitimate to you. But for my personal take? I don't think this show did anything wrong. Like, politically or structurally or tonally. My personal opinion is that this has always been an irreverent show where nothing really matters and nothing really changes, and this finale managed to actually feel like a sweet sendoff to the characters. Evidence of growth like I mentioned above, as this vampire family actually does make space for Guillermo's feelings, albeit in an unconventional and insufficient way. But this was never going to be a show where everybody got suddenly sentimental and sincere and confessed their deep personal truths to each other. It's a show that might wink at you, that might have Nandor say he's glad they won't be on film anymore, that might have Guillermo hopefully pushing to find out what he means by that... but that will always end with Nandor not picking up what Guillermo is putting down, that will always have another silly punchline waiting around the corner. This is a show that made me smile and felt really special in how bizarre it could get. And I did feel, on a genuine, emotional level, like this was the perfect way to end the show for Nandor and Guillermo's relationship.

As Nadja says, nothing is going to change - they'll keep on doing what they've always done, but now there will be nobody to film them doing it. And as Laszlo says, "We’ve had lots of laughs. Sucked lots of blood. And then fucked each other senseless."

This final episode gets high marks from me!

9/10

And the show as a whole, I don't feel like there's much more to say that hasn't been said above, which is probably another sign of a good finale: this was a real wrap-up of the chaotic and goof-ball energy of one of my favorite comedy outings of all time. It kept me good company these past few years, and Guillermo de la Cruz is always going to be a Character of All Time in my book. I'm sad to say goodbye, but what a send-off!

8/10

[kahluah]

Part 5 volume 8 spoilers

So very glad that Hannelore has joined us on team "Sigiswald is a basic bitch who doesn't even qualify to be Rozemyne's partner" by the reasoning of "look at how cheap his courtship gift was, his mana isn't even on the same level as yours so he couldn't even give you kids :/" like there is also the realization of "oh you really are not someone who should have the unchecked power of a royal and the free time of a third wife" after the whole library rant, but she is out here willing to help overthrow the country if it means she can help her bestie out and bag a good man 👍

I am again enjoying the sheer audacity of Ferdinand's new plan of setting up Myne as a divine figure to give the Grutrissheit, and therefore the tedious job of being in charge, to somebody else so that he and Myne can build their nerd paradise in peace. Like yeah they will still have to rule as Aub and whatnot, but it sure gives them a lot more freedom to do what they want and not be bothered.

And hahahahaha Ferdinand getting embarrassed at Myne's brash declarations about making a place for him to be happy. Sylvester and Co. are never going to let him live it down.

These two really are like aroace couple goals. I really enjoy it.

I am worried about Gervasio being so close to having the full Grutrissheit. Like we now know that there have been multiple people with multiple Grutrissheits in the past, so him getting it isn't an automatic win for them, but it's really going to elongate this battle 😔

But damn the current royal family really does seem entirely useless. I'm totally for Ferdinand's plan just in hopes of getting someone semi-competent on the throne so hopefully the new royal family actually like learns from history and reads some goddamn books.

And like dang has their laziness really made their mana capacity fall that far? Like it seems like this is actually a problem that plagues the entire country. Because supposedly Gervasio was head and shoulders above all the other seeds, but Ferdinand is the only one we've seen on the same level as Myne. And like yeah it's been two decades so who's to say how much Ferdinand's capacity has improved since he was a kid; especially with the new compression method.

[six-eyed-samurai]

It's canon that Sanemi can apparently read but not write, but they never mentioned anything about his younger brother now, did they?

I'd like to think that Genya, in fact, CAN actually read and write, and here's my ridiculous reasoning:

Genya has to repeatedly go to the Butterfly Mansion for checkups due to his demon snacking. I imagine Shinobu Kocho would be very curious about the terrifying Wind Pillar’s brother he refuses to acknowledge, and so would engage him in conversation every now and then.

Sure, Genya is shy around women, but eventually he would have to talk to her anyway, right? 

Shinobu will find out about his illiteracy at some point, and offer to teach him the basics. Grudgingly Genya accepts, because perhaps if his brother refuses to talk to him he could write an apology letter.

Gyomei would even ask him to read things out to him, due to his blindness and Genya’s newfound literacy, maybe in between breaks of their intense training because there’s nothing like reading out prayers after a long hard day of standing under waterfalls. 

Muichiro would probably also be in the Butterfly Mansion for checkups on his amnesia, meaning he and Genya surely would’ve bumped into each other a couple times (Genya mistaking him for a girl the first time they met and proceeds to short circuit). Befriending him, Genya would start writing short notes for Muichiro to stick on things to help him remember stuff he was supposed to do, after five minutes of wondering who wrote it.  

But we all know how hot tempered he is, so he probably blew up multiple, and I mean MULTIPLE, times struggling to get through spelling and wording and grammar and strokes and kanji and-

Which leads to my theory that one of the reasons he’s so flustered around the Butterfly Girls is because they’ve all seen how he’s exploded and sobbed over the most basic of reading and he’s internally praying they won’t expose him to the Kamaboko Squad, because let’s be honest, Zenitsu would laugh until he died from asphyxiation and Inosuke would declare him a loser (before freezing and realizing he too, cannot read or write). Going back to his apology letters, I imagine once he mastered writing, he'd write about a thousand letters detailing his apologies, regrets and begging for forgiveness to Sanemi, with Shinobu kindly passing on the letters and making sure (forcing) the Wind Pillar opens and reads them all. He refuses to give an answer, even though Shinobu suggested she pass on the message for him verbally seeing as he can't write (he nearly strangled her for even saying that), but one day when he came back from a mission and was recovering in the Butterfly Mansion Shinobu discovered a bundle of Genya's letter neatly tied and arranged in his pocket. I think Genya would also write letters to his dead siblings, talking about how he wished they were here, places he's been to that he wished he could've taken them, his slayer training, the people he met, new things he's tried out, his darkest thoughts, how he wished Aniki would at least acknowledge him, would they still love him the same if they knew he ate demons and became one, that he called their brother a murderer, that he was utterly useless in the Corps because he couldn't master a breathing technique? After his death, Sanemi discovers the stack of letters when he was going through Genya's things. Shockingly, it seems that the Wind Pillar still has tears left to cry.

If you guys enjoyed this please check out Letters to Sanemi! Leave a comment, it means the world and beyond for me

[regina-bithyniae]

Finished The Wages of Destruction.

Solid 9/10.

Core ideas to take away:

work creation was a minor element of Nazi economic policy, a distant secondary concern after rearmament

rearmament had widespread public support in germany

shifting to autarky took extremely hacky and likely long-run unsustainable export controls, and even *export subsidies* because imports were still an inescapably vital input to industrial production in

controlling big business was largely a "soft co-opting" project while the agriculturalists were insane morons who were much more staunchly pro-nazi

once at war, Germany was going for broke from the very beginning and there was near-zero slack they could've squeezed out more war production from

truly pitiful productivity rate from Germany's conquered continental empire - the workers were far far more productive if deported to Germany than working in home countries

German surface navy seems useless, they didn't even have the oil to run the ships, and metal would've been better used elsewhere

Speer was a shit, Tooze hates hates him

bombing campaign actually was successful! specifically taking out the Ruhr

"blitzkrieg" doctrine was developed as they went; original 1940 invasion of France battleplan was to go "right up the center" not through the Ardennes and pre-battle production focused on heavy artillery ammunition

Bigger points: German "Strategy"

Germany escalated from diplomatic crisis to war with Poland/UK/France, and to war with the Soviet Union, and then America, out of a series of perceived closing windows of opportunity. First one was seeing UK/French production overtaking them in rates and catching up on stocks. In 1940 the US fully commits to aiding Britain, creating sense of "the bombers are coming eventually" and need to gain immediate advantage by conquering the Soviet Union.

Bizarrely, German production was focused on the Luftwaffe in preparation for fighting US/UK air war as Germany was getting ready for Barbarossa!

Declaration of war on US pitched as confirming alliance with Japan, but still feels stupid. Germany could just stay quiet and force US to either engineer entry to European conflict another way or stay out. Still seems less stupid, considering this is at a time when Barbarossa is coming apart.

But overall, a sound if massively risky plan assuming you accept the insane basic assumptions. Hitler's strategic vision often gets assumed to be terrible out of disgust for the consequences of his actions and their failure.

I really do wonder what the vibe was among German economic elite from 1942 onwards, it's obvious the war is not winnable, that you're very fucked, and that everyone is coming to kill you.

Anyways, good book and worth reading/listening to. Tooze could've slimmed down on the pre-war stuff. I find him vaguely irritating with how he brings up irrelevant things just to show how smart he is but that's probably just envy.

P.S.

The original Volkswagen was just a massive scam with no actual civilian cars being produced despite taking all the payments for the vehicles. Possibly suggests two dominant strains of conservatism? Former is old aristocratic conservatism of the nobility or classic US elite; latter is the populist oppositional culture right-wingism which is about 64% scam artists.

[maleyanderecafe]

I Said I Love you to Death, Didn't I? (Manga)

Created by: Sankaku

Genre: Horror/Mystery

This manga complete at about four chapters and man, is it rather dark but fun. It very lightly reminds me of Killer in Love with the way that the story is going. I'm a big fan of yanderes in mystery stories and I think that the main female, Ai is also rather suspicious in the way she acts around Asumori.

The story starts out with Asumori seeing a ghost affect a man by causing him to drop his phone. Asummori feels useless as he's unable to do anything, but quickly turns to his phone to think about his angel, Ai. At school, the two of the work together to clean up afterschool, with Asumori noticing that a ghost is haunting her as well, thus causing the various injuries she has all over her body. He seems surprised that Ai knows his name, and is overjoyed to be hanging out with her. After he catches her when tripping down the stairs, Ai declares him as her savior after he apologizes for touching her, making him extremely happy. After the two walk home, we see that Asumori lives in a rather abusive home. We see that Asumori has been collecting things that Ai has given him, as well as the fact that his spirit perception seems to transfer, probably explaining why Ai is so strong affected by spirits. As such he promises to stay away from her as much as possible, however, Ai continues to follow after him during school and even afterwards. Asumori gets beat at home by his brother, and ends up walking to the park where he meets Ai again. He explains his bruises to Ai, and Ai explains her own experiences with domestic violence. The two of them continue to get closer, with Ai buying Asumori clothes, going to amusement parks and buying gifts for each other. and Asumori gets more and more obsessed. Asumori watching other guys get close to Ai, to which he starts to get jealous and promises to kill any guys that get close to her. Ai eventually gains powers from Asumori, though despite everything she still wants to be with him. He ends up going to Ai's house where he meets her mother, whom he believes has a distaste for him. Ai tells him that the black shadows come from her father, who had died a while ago. When Asumori goes home, he becomes increasingly worried about what will end up happening to Ai and goes back to her house. There, he is greeted by Ai's mother and Asumori accuses her of killing her husband as well as several other people. We find out that Ai's mother was there to basically stall Asumori and when he goes back, he finds that Ai has already killed off his family. He realizes that the spirits surrounding her are actually the vengeful spirits that she's killed. Ai's mother explains that Ai has anti-social personality disorder and that she was the one who killed her father and is incredibly good at pretending to be normal and that her mother has been moving them around and helping to hide bodies. Ai reveals that her cuts were because of the struggles of other people who tried to resist her, and asks if Asumori would ever abandon him. He promises to never, believing that he was given redemption by Ai. He ends up killing himself to make sure that Ai isn't arrested, and blaming his family's murders on himself, as he loves Ai.

Like I said, although this series is short, it is a good start to what I hope will be a good mystery, perhaps even a psychological one. It reminds me a bit of Killer in Love or even He was My Brother in that aspect, with the yandere growing more obsessed with their lover as the story goes on. We see that the ghost aspect and the fear of him projecting on his, I want to say power, onto her is keeping him from really trying to be close to her, yet he can't help but be drawn in by her kindness. I am a little suspicious of Ai though based on the sudden way that she treats Asumori with kindness, since it seems to be out of nowhere, but it is hard to say with only two chapters out. It could go the Killer in Love route where Ai does actually slowly corrupt Asumori to her own needs, but it feels more like Asumori will become more corrupted because of Ai's unintentional actions like talking to other guys. It does make me wonder where he gets his powers from, whether it's something that he had when he was younger or if it was something that was passed down, as well as what might happen in Ai gains these powers as well. As a yandere, we see that Asumori idolizes Ai a lot, stalking her and keeping track of all the things that she has given her and even taking pride that he is her savior, especially after he finds out that he can dispel the spirits that surround her. I wonder if it ties in with the missing persons report that we hear in the television later on, or even if he's already been doing that before we even knew what was going on.

What's written above are my initial impressions of the series back when there were only about one or two chapters. Now that the story is complete, I have to say I was right about Ai being suspicious and I really love how the story went in the end. I've always mentioned before that I really like it when the yandere's darlings are as bad or sometimes even worse than the yandere themselves and this story really does it well. It first gives the impression that Ai is the one being abused because of her cuts and the various spirits that surround her, however twists it when it's show the cuts are actually from people trying to fight back from when she was killing them. I'm surprised that the mother didn't try to call the police or anything and just continually helped her daughter hide corpses. I suppose living under the fear that her daughter might kill her at any moment would do that to you. Asumori's devotion goes even further when he commits suicide in the end to cover for Ai, fully embracing the love he has for her even in death.

It's a very good, albeit short series with a dark yandere story. I do wish that this creator will make more yandere content in the future since I was a fan of how they were able to surprise me about how Ai really was and how the outcome of Asumori's story ended up being. I hope you will enjoy it too if it is to your taste.

[yuujiheart]

Reading the chap again has made me question if sukuna is really gone and why yuji was desperate to save sukuna after declaring he would eat anything to kill him..

Megumi said his lone finger probably won't be able to carry his soul because of resonance. But what about two fingers. coz yuji technically is sukuna's finger atm literally bathed in his ce and connected to his soul...Which would explain the resonance between them. It works the same as sukuna's finger. This is what gege said about sukuna's fingers.

And yuta also said something similar.. Sukuna can sense big physical changes. And I think sukuna using piercing blood can be used as a proof.. At first I thought he must have learned it after seeing choso fought yuji but now I think it is because of resonance. In chp 259 we know yuji had to learn BM manually. What kamo explained him the was the mechanism of convergence ( basics of BM) Which causes big physical changes. So sukuna could have sensed him. Although He was surprised when yuji's blood exploded (supernova) but we can consider that yuji learned in the moment...

But the reason he didn't know about soul swapping stuff is because ui ui said he can replace the boxes without anyone knowing. So I assume it doesn't cause any big physical changes for suku to sense...

In short yuji is practically a finger and can carry the connection along with the last finger.. Just like other fingers.

Another thing i noticed was yuji being hellbent on changing suku's mind.. The chp 265 starts with sukuna asking about what yuji did but says he did it in hurry and just wanted to talk meaning him wanting to talk to sukuna is not something he did it on impluse. Then he takes him on his childhood trip ,treating him like a normal person doing fun things..But it doesn't work which he expected then he threatens/tries to force him to return to his body. He does it again after separating him from megumi . This time he urges him to live again and promising he will stay with him no matter what. As per yuji he can kill him without him changing vessel but still wants to/ offers to host him again

This and what yuji said about them being born carrying a curse makes me think yuji definitely knows about sukuna's past or something similar. Irrespective of how yuji got to know that ,this much is true that yuji believes nd want to give sukuna a chance to live again. Even if sukuna has killed choso,gojo and Higuruma. ( I really wonder how bad things were for suku to make yuji go this far) ..So I really wonder would he let him go that easily?? He allowed gumi to decide for himself but threatened sukuna?? As if he knew he wouldn't listen.. It's kind of funny tbh...Megumi also said if yuji doesn't take care in tearing sukuna's soul apart he'll die.. Which I wonder did yuji do that?? Of course not showing suku completely disintegrated also doesn't help..

The only part where I get puzzled at is when did he realize this truth and how? .. Was it during timeskip Or in the middle of the battle...If I were to guess, I would say this panel was the first moment he noticed something.. I believe this was the first time the resonance happened when maki stabbed sukuna's heart. simultaneously yuji also coughs up blood realizing something has yet to be healed but we never saw what exactly was injured. This happens again during chp 263.

This might explain why we weren't shown gojo yuji interaction at all. And the reason is that after separating with sukuna there must have been some change in yuji 's body which gojo would have noticed at first glance with his six eyes. Maybe something similar to him seeing megumi's soul during his fight. Maybe it's because yuji is like a finger but he also has his soul so the resonance works little diff than it would work between two fingers.

And I do wonder why kenny did all this. What sukuna and yuji has to do with merger apart from suku being the initiator in case kenny dies.. And how come the fingers suku spat became useless.. Why didn't he revert into his finger form.... Huhhh😮‍💨😮‍💨

Honestly this whole chapter raises more questions instead of providing answers not just about yuji sukuna but other things too...It is possible that whatever I have written is completely wrong or may not even be addressed by gege. I had so many thoughts that i had no choice but to write them down to provide some relief to my brain. It is funny how manga is about to end in 3 chp but there is a lot we readers still don't know.. ..

[mamamittens]

Oh Sweet Child of Mine (Akainu AU Platonic End)

As requested by snowflakebeads on AO3 as an AU end to "Oh, Sweet Child of Mine"

Warnings: Yandere, obsessive behavior, and imbalanced power dynamics.

Words: 1,083

Everything hurt. You were nothing but one, consistent bruise underneath your bandages. Being flung into the atmosphere with all the fury of a raging volcano would do that, you supposed. But, despite all of that, you were alive. And hopefully Ace and Marco were too.

In the end, you did your best.

The kindly older woman didn’t expect you to do much besides greet people, your eyes useless without your glasses that had been flung far, far into the sea.

So, naturally, it took a moment to realize what it was you were looking at when the room flooded with white.

You squinted hard.

“Hi, welcome to the—”

“It’s them!” someone shouted in shocked awe.

“It’s really them?!”

“Yeah, they look just like the file—”

“Someone get the admiral!”

“Uh, what? Who?” You asked, jolting when you were pulled off the front desk.

“Oi! Be careful! They’re still injured you animals!” The matron declared sharply, the rough hands turning gentle as you were pulled close enough to see the unmistakable marine uniform.

“Ah. Marines? You guys were still looking for me? I’m surprised I even made it out—”

“WHERE ARE THEY?!” Heavy feet stomped into the room, the voice a near feral growl. You could practically feel every step in your bones in was so heavy. Your shoulders grabbed as the tall, indistinct blur leaned in close.

It was Akainu.

It was AKAINU?!

“S-Sir?! You made it out too?!” You stammered nervously, suddenly aware of how harshly his hands gripped your shoulders. How they basically engulfed you as his fingers rubbed into the bandages, making you wince.

“That was a hell of a move back there, rookie. How long could you do something like that?” Akainu asked softly, eyes narrowed as he leaned in even closer.

You jerked back, uncomfortably at how close he was, close enough you could see his features clearly.

“I-I didn’t even know… I could do any of that before then. H-How did you make it? If it wasn’t for Mau, I would have died.” You asked, genuinely concerned as to how the hell he managed to get out of that alive.

“…Mau?”

“Ah, a baby sea king. He fished me out of the water.” You explained a bit lamely.

The admiral sighed, his head dipping down to press against yours.

You almost threw up at the sudden, rolling sensation the skin contact made. A sea of liquid, burning earth beneath your feet. Rumbling and bubbling like poison, filling you with heat. But you couldn’t back away, his grip unrelenting as he held you close.

“…Truthfully, I nearly didn’t. Managed to land on a vessel at the last minute. Nearly sank it I was so pissed.” Akainu sneered, locking eyes with you. Eyes nearly glowing with heat. “Should have known all those test runs were holding you back. Well, no more. From now on, your stationed with me. Right by my side. As impressive as that display was, look how hurt you got? Didn’t expect my devil fruit to be so potent, did you?”

“W-Well… n-not like that.” You admitted quietly. “I could sort of feel it before, but I didn’t think it would launch us both so… violently.” Your voice grew quiet as you remembered the frantic seconds shooting through the air.

SNAP!

You jolted violently, focusing back to what was in front of you. Akainu’s fingers pinched together from his loud snap.

“Enough of that. We just have to take it more… slowly from now on.” Akainu sighed, picking you up just as suddenly as he had snapped his fingers. You yelped, a little out of shock but mostly from how the sudden movement made your whole body ache. Akainu paused, looking down at you as you clutched his shirt, noticing the bandages around his chest. But his eyes were on your wrist. “Filthy pirate.”

He adjusted his grip and reached up for your wrist. Gripping it in one hand, fingers overlapping as he squeezed. The material groaning and burning hot, falling onto the floor in a half-melted pile of twisted metal. Then gently, he rubbed his thumb over your pulse, noting the fading bruises with a frustrated sigh.

“Ah…” You murmured faintly, drawing his attention. Your body instantly freezing under his stare. “T-Thank you, sir.”

He nodded stiffly.

“We’ll be on medical leave for a while, both of us. After that, though, your training with me officially starts. I know it’s been hard for the past few years, but I’m here now.” Akainu drawled. “And you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.”

Distantly, it occurred to you that you had gotten away with it. With blasting Akainu, your admiral, on purpose. He thought it was an accident. Totally discounting the likelihood you’d done it on purpose. So you’d get to live another day… if he ever found out, however…

You were under no illusions your punishment would be brutal.

Akainu looked down at you, sort of expectantly. And for a bizarre moment, you felt déjà vu.

Horrified, you realized what he expected you to say.

What you’d need to say if you wanted to keep him in the dark about your betrayal.

“W-With you, sir?” You asked softly. “Was… was that why all my partners had hot, uh, heat based fruits? F-For you?” You added nervously, realizing suddenly how long this had been planned.

His smile was small but pleased.

“For me.” Akainu rumbled, his voice vibrating in his chest. He jostled you lightly, suddenly notably cheerful. “Come on now, we’ve earned this leave. May as well enjoy it… Who knows, your first mission may very well be ending those damn pirates that took you. Ah, and we’ll get you new glasses. Can’t train properly if you can’t see, after all.”

“No… no I don’t think I could.” You added faintly, growing increasingly terrified at how precarious your position was.

Admiral Akainu clearly had been looking forward to this for a long time. Who knows what kind of things he’d expect of you. How forgiving or merciless he’d be if you failed. Your only recourse was to go along with it to the best of your abilities. His devil fruit may not hurt you, but he was more than capable of breaking you apart with his bare hands. And maybe, with a little more luck, you could get away without dealing with Akainu or the Whitebeard Pirates.

They survived, thank the seas they survived.

You’d had enough of this shit for a lifetime.

[sfaccountant]

Character Focus: Shifty Sights

Unit type: Dark Mage of Tzeentch

Rank: Shortseer (rank hierarchy ambiguous and non-uniform; possibly a jest)

Species: Unicorn

Psyker rank: Zeta

Cult: Tzeentch

Tactical specialty: Combat caster

Shifty Sights is one of the Dark Mages of Tzeentch, a warband of pony sorcerers that have taken up worship of Tzeentch. Tzeentch is the Chaos god of sorcery as well as change and deception, and like all Chaos gods he struggles to touch Equestrian minds and souls. As of yet his only pony followers are unicorns who willingly gave themselves to him for a promise of great arcane power, which is generally not something most Equestrians are desperate to have. Even these eldritch warriors are quite difficult to contact, as their normal spellcasting does not offer Tzeentch a way into their minds and he cannot enter their thoughts or dreams without some kind of psionic anchor in the material realm.

As one might expect, there is a great deal of mystery around these cult soldiers. No one in the fleet command knows who their organization leadership is or if they’re training new Dark Mages. Even the actual total number of Dark Mages is frustratingly inconstant, with names vanishing from the registrars, changing status, or being assigned to phantom missions that nobody approved. At times Dark Mages are even declared dead and their history archived in the data-looms, only for that information to later vanish and the name appear on another deployment roster. The Iron Warriors would not tolerate such shoddy organization under their direct command, but Princess Luna has thankfully(?) shown much more flexibility (or at least much less concern for detail).

One thing that IS well-known about the Dark Mages is that their initiation rite requires they sacrifice their eyes to Tzeentch in what one can only imagine is a gruesome and terrifying self-mutilation ritual. All Dark Mages are blind, and med-auspex scans confirm that their sockets have been burned clean down to the bone of the orbit. This specific form of willful mutilation is identical across the entire class of sorcerers; although the Dark Mages will not divulge much of the initiation rite, Hierophant Mantis suspects some manner of standardized pact has been negotiated on behalf of the sorcerous warriors and enforced on each of them when taking their mark.

In return for their sight, a Dark Mage can expect several boons, the least of which is a magically attuned radar to give them basic spatial awareness. While inferior to sight in range and fine detail perception (along with less fine detail perception such as that of color), this radar renders illusions and camouflage useless against them. Unfortunately it has also resulted in several embarrassing incidents, as their unique senses mean they have extreme difficulty reading or interacting with signs, screens, or hololiths.

Shifty explains little of her own history with the cult, but has divulged that her first and pivotal meeting with Tzeentch came in a dream, several nights after she purchased a bizarre glass pyramid from a mysterious human trader. The creature she met at the time offered a warning of an attack by an lethal but dim-witted menace the very next day, but offered no further details. The next morning Shifty managed to evacuate her village to the hills just before a mob of Ork bikers blasted through the settlement at blistering speed, shooting up the walls of their empty homes and looting a few shops before they got bored and left. Having saved the village with the help of the mysterious advice, Shifty sought out the creature once more in her dreams. It showed up, but unfortunately (at least from her perspective), Princess Luna ALSO appeared and immediately drove it off before it could say anything useful. Twice more this happened, until finally Luna spent an evening asleep or indisposed. It was then that she finally learned of the power that the creature – Tzeentch, Chaos God of Change – could offer her, and the price that would be exacted for this boon.

Shifty Sights gave her eyes and promised her soul to her unholy patron, and she was transformed.

Shifty Sights wears a magic cloak and hood for ease of movement and arcane protection. The cloak can be moved and hardened with a thought to become firm and hard as steel, deflecting most melee attacks and small-arms fire. A few millimeters of steel is unfortunately often insufficient protection against the weaponry of the 41st millennium, and while its protective strength can be improved, Shifty prefers other defensive measures. Her tail has mutated, lengthening and shedding its hair, and she grafted an adamantium blade to the spike of bone that emerged at the end. Her legs and torso are wrapped in bandages that tend to bulge and writhe when she is in combat, obscuring the minor mutations that often sprout from her flesh before she can take the time to stabilize it and banish them. Finally there’s her enchanted amulet: the storm crystal. The name is quite descriptive.

Shifty Sights possesses an advanced sense of precognition and has developed (or been gifted) sufficient awareness to use it in the bedlam of warfare. Her mind is almost always processing the future, even when she’s alone and at rest. These visions are highly accurate in their prediction of the immediate future, and become far less reliable and sensible the further in the future she looks. As a result she’s able to dodge the strikes of warriors much faster and more skilled than she is, but if you ask her about your wedding day she’s probably going to see a horrifying (and highly unlikely) vision of the groom being tossed into a volcano. The nature of her precognition is also affected by proximity to certain objects and creatures, like Warp engines or Chrysalis, splitting the future into a kaleidoscope of immediate possibilities that all seem equally likely, and overwhelming her temporal senses. When her future sight becomes useless in this way it instead becomes a terrifying distraction, smothering her thoughts and driving her to inaction.

Shifty is quite proud of her precognition despite these flaws, and frequently uses it for petty purposes like predicting others’ sentences and answering their questions before they speak. Other people tend to find this EXTREMELY annoying, and given her inability to tell the distant future they often dismiss her abilities as a worthless parlor trick.

In combat, however, Shifty Sights is a terror, and unlike many other sorcerous ponies her abilities are well-understood. She is capable of a very rapid short-range teleport called a Blink, allowing her to evade gunfire and close with any enemy with ease. Her storm crystal delivers lightning blasts comparable to plasma shots, and can dispense them as whips, arrows, arcing missiles, or devastating bombs. She possesses an array of other combat spells, from illusory copies to accompany her teleports, coruscating flame-shaping, and paralyzing glyphs, but her first and - usually only - strategy is fast teleports and lightning blasts. When pressed she can also break fully through the veil of protection unicorns enjoy from the Warp, absorbing a degree of power that threatens to swallow her soul and unmake her body. This is obviously very dangerous for a caster who has never seriously dealt with the threat of the Empyrean, but not nearly as dangerous as it is for her enemies as her pyskant power rises substantially and allows her to unleash a whole other tier of magic.

One would probably expect a Dark Mage to be aloof, studious, and narcissistic, and Shifty tries to act the stereotype, but she is not any of those things. Despite having more magic strength than normal and a dark, mysterious (and unpopular) religion, she has little care for labyrinthine plots or arcane pursuits beyond what is necessary for her to succeed at a given moment. Although many find her behavior and ego aggravating, she is also quite affectionate and helpful to those who tolerate her. She also loves games, although she has a tendency to cheat.

Like many of the Company’s most powerful mares, Shifty Sights is single, and struggles to find sufficiently open-minded stallions for potential partners. Aside from her mutations and personality, she also suffers the unique temptation to look far forward in time to study her relationship. Inevitably she witnesses something traumatic or infuriating, like her partner betraying her or dying in a bloody ritual, and despite knowing the vision is extremely unlikely it always affects her relationship anyway.

Like so many other of Tzeentch’s sorcerers, she is arguably her own worst enemy.

(Art by CrimmHarmony, Qamar, MinekoO, Avrora's World, Barnnest, and Loom)