#decided that this was in fact my business even when they told me otherwise and they didn't take too kindly to that

[fractangle]

i wear a wrist brace and do this too! one of my favorite lies to answer this with is "oh, i don't have a wrist. if i didn't wear this brace, my hand would fall off"

if you spend your life bitching and complaining about the fact people are 'expected' to engage in the dreaded pointless banal '''small talk''' instead of learning to trade pleasantries with the people around you, you will never know the true and heady joy of doing a dumb bit with a complete stranger and as a result your soul will remain small

[cameronsbabydoll]

hii for scc can you pls write something like they go to a party and one of the mums judges reader for not having her own life and always being with her kids or the husbands saying something about reader ^_^

what would they know

warnings: mom-shaming, judgment from other wives/husbands, reader feeling small or insecure, rafe being protective, soft comfort

you didn’t want to go to the party in the first place.

it was one of those shiny coastal soirées—linen shirts and cold wine, white lights strung over someone’s backyard, men clustered around the grill while the women gathered around cheese boards talking about tennis schedules and personal trainers.

you’d gotten the kids ready that morning, packed snacks, kissed scraped knees. you’d braided your daughter’s hair twice because the first one was “too bumpy.” you wore your softest summer dress and let rafe tug you close for a kiss before heading out.

you were tired. you always were. but you smiled, like always. because you loved them more than anything.

rafe disappeared off with some of the husbands when you arrived. you didn’t mind—you were used to it.

you stood near a small group of wives, laughing politely, even when you didn’t understand the joke. you were halfway through sipping your sparkling water when one of them looked at you, head tilted slightly.

"so, do you do anything else?" she asked. “besides the kids, i mean.”

you blinked.

“i… i stay home,” you said slowly. “i take care of the house. our kids are still young, and—”

“right,” she interrupted, nodding, her tone too sweet. “i just feel like i’d go crazy without my own thing, you know?”

she smiled with teeth. “i mean, you’re always with your kids.”

you shrank a little. you knew what she meant. the implication. the subtle jab at your softness, your simplicity, the fact that you weren’t chasing something with your name on it.

another wife chimed in with a tight smile. “yeah, all the guys were joking earlier that rafe basically has a live-in nanny.”

your heart dropped.

you forced a smile. “i don’t mind,” you whispered. “i like being there for them.”

but it didn’t matter what you said. they’d already decided.

too soft. too available. too devoted.

you excused yourself a minute later and found a quiet spot by the pool, pretending to check your phone just so your hands had somewhere to go. your chest was tight.

and that’s when rafe found you.

he crouched down beside your chair. “hey,” he said, brushing your arm. “you alright?”

you nodded, blinking fast. “just a little tired.”

he saw right through it.

“what happened?” he asked, his voice dipping lower.

you didn’t answer right away, but your silence gave you away. your bottom lip wobbled the slightest bit.

“they said something, didn’t they?”

you looked down. “it’s stupid. just… one of the moms said something about me not doing anything else. like i’m just—around. all the time. with the kids.”

you laughed softly, bitterly. “i guess i just never thought that was a bad thing.”

rafe’s jaw tensed.

he stood up straight, tugged your hand until you followed. he looked down at you, thumb brushing over your knuckles.

“you know what i said earlier? about how the guys were joking around?” he asked quietly. “you know what i told them?”

you shook your head.

he stepped closer. “i told them they wish they had someone like you.”

his voice was calm, but tight with conviction.

“someone who holds their whole damn family together. someone who chooses to be there every day. not ‘cause you have to, but because you love us that much.”

you looked up at him with wide, stinging eyes.

“they don’t get to judge that. not when they’re too busy hiring help just to make it through the week.” he cupped your jaw. “they don’t get to look at you like you’re less for being the kind of mom every kid dreams of.”

and then, gentler:

“our kids are lucky. i’m lucky. and i swear to god, if anyone says otherwise again, i’ll—”

“rafe—”

“no,” he muttered, brushing a thumb under your eye. “they don’t get to talk about my wife like that.”

you exhaled shakily, pressing your forehead against his chest. he held you close, warm and steady under the twinkle lights.

because the world might not understand a woman like you.

but he did.

[berryz-writes]

I'll try harder

11) Ends up in the infirmary a lot, Madam Pomfrey thinks he's a "troubled yet entertaining student"

Theo x reader

"Where is my boyfriend?" I asked Draco, my annoyance increasing with his obvious distractions so he didn't have to answer my question.

He gave me a once over, his cool gaze unaffected by my anger "Your boyfriend is currently busy. I'm sure you'll see him tomorrow...or in a few days depending on the situation"

I was going to pull my hair out if I didn't get a direct answer soon "Draco Malfoy if you don't tell me right now I will drag Pansy here and tell her you like her"

His blank expression didn't change except the flicker of annoyance in his grey eyes "And where did you receive that false information from?"

I smiled at him "Just because it's false doesn't mean people aren't going to believe it. Did you know all it takes is one little whisper for a rumour to be spread across the whole of Hogwarts?"

Draco smirked, crossing his arms "Blackmailing me, y/l/n? Looks like Nott does benefit you in some way."

"Tell me"

"He's in the hospital wing and before you run away to mother him, if I hear a single word about me liking that awful witch-"

"Your threats don't matter to me right now, Malfoy. But thanks anyway" I rushed off to where he had said Theo was, trying to rid my thoughts of everything that I imagined had happened to him. He was fine walking off the quidditch pitch and there were no serious injuries while he played so why was he there?

I knocked on the door, making sure it was loud enough for someone to hear. If the door didn't open I would barge in myself. Before I could do just that Madam Pomfrey opened the door giving me a sympathetic smile "Here to see Theodore?"

I nodded my head trying to see behind her to no avail. All I could see were a few drawn curtains and another few beds unoccupied.

"Go on in then, he's the third one." I rushed past her muttering a quick thank you. She was probably fed up of having me to see me at her door every other day.

I approached the third bed and pushed the curtains to the side. I didn't know what I expected but it wasn't Theo sat up reading a book with his head wrapped in white gauze. Otherwise he looked completely fine.

"Hey" I left a small kiss on his cheek and sat on the edge of his bed, waiting for him to answer the questions I was too afraid to ask.

He let out a sigh and placed his book near his pillow, shifting further to the left so I had more space on the bed.

"Who told you I was here?"

I furrowed my eyebrows in annoyance and confusion "That's not important. What's important is what are you doing here? Don't tell me you got into another fight"

He gave me a slight smile, his expression showing discomfort.

"Theo. Why? Why are you always fighting?"

"For the record I won the fight, sweetheart."

I scoffed "Well clearly not if you've got that on your head and your opponent isn't even in the hospital wing right now"

He grinned as if he found something funny "He's having a meeting with Snape that's why."

He wasn't getting the point. He just didn't seem to care that what he was doing was wrong and it affected others as well.

"What happened? I want the truth"

His smile dropped, becoming suddenly serious to when I asked for the truth.

"Well, the guy who asked you out the other day and you rejected him. He was talking shit about you so I decided to fuck him up a bit. You know, so he'd know that he didn't have the right to talk about you like that...no one does"

I sighed. The fact that he was fighting because of something said about me was nice of him but I didn't want him hurt because of that.

"Theo he said something about me. Not you. I don't want you hurt every time someone says a single thing against me"

He sat up suddenly, anger evident on his face "And why the fuck not? If he's going to talk about my girlfriend like that do you think I'm just gonna stand there and not do shit all?"

"But Theo your hurt because of it! I don't want that for you"

He slumped back down and didn't bother looking at me "I don't fucking care about being hurt. If I hear a single word against you-"

"Just ignore it!" I was getting annoyed now. Why was he so desperate to be hurt because of something I didn't even care that much about?

"Ignore it? Your fucking crazy if you think I'll ignore something like that"

I stood up ready to do something. Ready to shout at him, to push him off the bed, to do anything but sit there and tell him time and time again that I didn't want him hurt because of something so irrelevant. Tears welled up in my eyes, I tried blinking them away but instead a few fell down making their way down my cheeks.

"Well your good at ignoring one thing! Our fucking date that your missing because of your detention. Is that what you wanted?" I wiped the remaining tears from my face, anger coursing through my veins. Theo finally deigned to look at me after having raised my voice, something I rarely did.

His eyes widened in shock "I didn't realise. Fuck. I'm sorry Y/n, I didn't even realise and- I didn't mean for you to cry. I'm so fucking sorry"

"It's a little late for that isn't it. What does it matter when you've missed the second date this month because of some stupid fighting you can't control"

He leant toward me, reaching for my hand the warmth of his hand seeping into me. "I am so sorry. I am so fucking sorry, sweetheart. What do you want me to do? I swear I won't fight again...unless the person deserves it"

I sat back down, the anger vanishing from me, Theo's comforting hand grounding me.

"Lay down with me. Please." He asked quietly, eyes full of sorrow.

I turned so I could lay down next to him his arm coming around my waist to pull me closer to him. He dropped a kiss to the top of my head "I really am sorry Y/n. I don't want you to be upset over something I've done"

I shook my head "I'm not upset. I just don't want my boyfriend to be in the hospital wing for half the year"

"I'll try harder" He whispered.

"Just try harder on the fighting aspect. Otherwise your perfect"

I smiled at him and the one he gave back made my heart melt. I loved him.

[kinda-indecisive]

.⋅ ˚̣✧ :–⭒  Lingering Affections pt. II⭒–:✧ ˚̣⋅ .

How I imagine the guys would react to you (MC) surprising them with a kiss that lingers a bit longer than expected. Caleb's was a little more angsty than I meant, but he's just so angst-coded!

Part 2: The Zayne, Sylus and Caleb Edition! 

:✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧:

Zayne 

Continuing to pout, you hold on as he rolls your office chair toward him.

“Don’t be a meanie,” you sulk, as if the doctor had personally offended you and not the random cat from the video you two had been watching.

“I was hardly being a ‘meanie’ and merely stated a fact. That cat couldn’t manage the jump onto the counter because it was too fat,” he reiterates. You continue to keep your back to him and he chuckles, pushing your hair away from your neck and laying his chin on your shoulder, “But I never said it wasn’t cute.”

You snort, then laugh, eagerly reaching back. You feel the corner of his mouth raise in a soft smile as he presses his cheek to your palm.

His voice is a hum when he speaks, “Thank you for today’s lunch.”

“You deserve it.”

The statement is obvious whether you’re taking today’s actions into account or not. Zayne is a paragon of everything a doctor should be. 

Today’s example? He had to postpone your original lunch plans because of a new patient of his. The man had undergone a big procedure and Zayne didn’t want to leave the hospital in case there was an emergency or if there was something else that prevented the patient from getting adjusted while he was out.

Hearing his reason for canceling, you decided to bring lunch to him, happy to spend any time with him, even if it meant he’d be called away at any minute.

As fate would have it, the patient is well and Zayne wasn’t needed, therefore you two have been able to enjoy an entire lunch together, giggling over silly videos on your phone and chatting about the trip you are planning for next month when things are supposed to be little less busy at the hospital.

You’re in such a good mood, you don’t even mind that the end of his lunch break is looming ever nearer.

The casual thought makes you check the time and Zayne tenses in surprise when you shoot up straight in your chair.

“Is everything alright?” he inquires, concern lacing his voice as he watches you stand.

“I’m late! I didn’t realize your lunch break was over. I told Jenna I’d have that report in before 4 and I’m not exactly close to finishing it,” you frown, wondering what compelled you to empty nearly all the contents of your bag in Zayne’s office during your visit.

While helping you get yourself in order, he offers, “I’m sure there’s a computer here in the hospital you could use. Even mine, if it’s that important.”

“I would, but I left the paperwork related to the report on my desk back at the Association. I wouldn’t be able to complete it without referencing it and I can’t reference it if I don’t have it on me.” 

“I would offer to drive you--” he begins and you cut him off, touching his forearm.

“You have work to do,” you reassure, “I promise, I’ll be fine.”

“Let me call you a cab,” he suggests, “Otherwise you’ll be exhausted from running back to the Association and pass out at your desk before getting anything done.”

You accept his offer only because he has a point. You begin to open the door before suddenly turning on your heel. Zayne has his phone in hand and stops abruptly, having intended to escort you out. 

“Is there something else?” he asks, a small frown between his eyebrows.

You stand on your toes to kiss his cheek, then quickly change your mind to find his lips instead.

He is by no means a stranger to your kisses these days, but the suddenness of this one takes him by surprise and he tenses for a split second before sighing softly and hooking a finger under your chin, his other arm closing around your waist as he draws you closer.

When you two part, he looks at you with those piercing eyes turned soft from your lingering affections.

“What was that for?” he asks, his voice only slightly teasing.

“I enjoyed our date today, Dr. Zayne.”

“Well… I’m glad.”

Sylus 

:✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧:

This is supposed to be a quick trip. Your role is to attend the auction like normal while Sylus shakes down some big, bad bosses upstairs using intimidation tactics that only he is capable of. It’s a typical mission you’ve done with Sylus over a hundred times now. However, from the second you arrived at today’s auction, you found yourself growing more and more agitated.

You’re used to the looks of others as you and Sylus walk together. A man with his presence is hard to miss; not to mention that he just so happens to be one of, if not the most attractive men anyone here has ever seen in their entire lives. So of course people are going to look. But that doesn’t explain why it’s really getting on your nerves today.

“You’ve gone quiet on me. Is everything alright?” Sylus asks, that teasing tone in his voice, though he fails to hide the gentle concern in his eyes.

“Everything’s fine, Sy,” you reassure, then gesture toward the crowd, “Didn’t you say I’d be handling things down here at the auction while you took care of business upstairs?”

You stop walking and turn to look up at him. At the corner of your eye, you register movement and, for the faintest of seconds, you make eye contact with one of the women who has been watching Sylus with a keen interest. As a matter of fact, this woman had been outside on the balcony when the two of you arrived and must have come in intending to intercept and introduce herself.

Or it could be a coincidence.

When her eyes land on Sylus again, seeming to appraise the width of his aggravatingly broad shoulders, you are certain it’s no mere coincidence.

“...again. Are you certain you’re up to doing this tonight?” he asks with a deep frown and you realize you had accidentally blocked out what he was saying. It’s not hard to guess, though.

“I’m perfectly alright,” you insist, “You go. We’ll do everything as planned and then go home, right?”

You feel a little guilty for the way he looks at you right now, concern etched into the corners of his deep, crimson eyes. After a long moment, he sighs.

“Alright, we’ll stick to the plan,” he says, thoughtlessly brushing off jacket sleeve, “Though you’ll tell me instantly if something’s wrong.”

It’s a command, not a suggestion, and you nod with an innocent smile.

He regards you for another second before leaning down and pressing a quick, departing kiss on your cheek.

This is your chance! Seeing the silhouette of the same woman looming ever nearer, you drape your arms around his shoulders before he straightens up and bring your lips to his.

Warmth fills you from head to toe and you feel his heavy hand hesitate for no more than a second before landing delicately against your waist.

You linger, but not too long. Just enough, however, to feel his shoulders soften beneath your forearms.

When you lean back, he opens his eyes, looking at you through heavy lids that make your stomach flip. After a second of collecting himself, he speaks, his voice coming from even deeper in his chest than usual. 

“Now I know for certain that you’re up to something…” he purrs.

Still a little warm in the face yourself, you admit in a small voice, “She wouldn’t take her eyes off you. Or didn’t you notice?”

His eyebrows raise ever so slightly, the concern disappearing from his features instantly, only to be replaced by his usual humored, smug little smile.

“Who is there to notice, sweetie? You’re the only other person who exists in the entire Universe,” he hums, bringing his fingertips to the side of your face with feather-light touches, “Although…”

“Although…?” you question, putting a gentle warning in your voice that he acknowledges with a soft chuckle.

“Although I like the idea of you staking your claim on what’s yours, kitten,” he says, straightening up as you watch the woman turn away as if she’d merely taken the wrong turn, “And I like the idea of being indisputably yours.”

Caleb 

:✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧:

Caleb was leaving again. It was something you were starting to get used to. He’ll come down from Skyhaven for a day or two, sometimes a week if you were lucky, then take off again for weeks at a time. You know it could be worse; you survived the worst of the worst after the incident, and you always try to remind yourself of that.

You remind yourself, also, that you can always get a response from him when he’s in Skyhaven. That, knowing him, even if he were in the far-out depths of the Deepspace Tunnel he would do everything in his power to find a way to get a message out to you if he needed to.

This still doesn’t make his departures any easier.

He has no doubt noticed your silence. It would be hard not to, even if he weren’t eternally hyper-observant toward your every discomfort. And crammed into the back seat of the cab together you’re certain he feels it.

And it’s not like you’re angry at him. You had a great time with him this week. Every day after work he was there to pick you up from the Association with a ready smile and plans for your evening. Always guessing exactly when you were too exhausted to go out and already having a backup plan of a homecooked meal and a silly movie from your childhood lined up.

You two went shopping for groceries together, met up with friends, and even managed to get a private viewing of young Caleb’s favorite aviation exhibit at the museum after it closed for the day.

This week was perfect.

Maybe that’s why you’re feeling so frustrated right now. You don’t want to give him up to the stupid fleet and the others in Skyhaven who you’re 100% certain he cannot fully trust even 50% of and that scares and annoys you. 

The cab comes to a stop and you get out, startling a little when Caleb clears his throat, “Got a lot on your mind?”

You blink, looking up at him. Then, “Oh… I’m fine.”

He continues to peer down at you, reaching out with the hand that isn’t carrying his suitcase to touch your cheek.

“That wasn’t very convincing at all.”

Sighing, you place your hand over his and lock his fingers between your own. 

“Stop looking at me like that,” you mumble and he grins even wider.

“Like what?” he asks, his voice oozing with that same annoying playfulness that has made you wanna tackle him to the ground for as long as you can remember, “Come on, let’s go inside. It’s chilly out here.”

Your fingers still intertwined, you allow him to guide you into the train station. The further into the area you go, the more you feel the urge to yank him to a stop. To whine and complain until he has to give in and stay in Linkon City for as long as you like.

You sigh at how childish the thought is and keep walking even when you hear the announcement of his train’s arrival in five minutes.

His brisk walk finally slows and he stops at a bench, gesturing for you to sit. You hesitate for a moment before shaking your head. He frowns, his head tilting as he tries to get a better look at your face.

“Are you mad at me?” he asks innocently.

“No,” you respond, stealing a quick glance at the arrival times one more time. Caleb catches the movement and looks over his shoulder, grimacing slightly at the numbers.

His entire body tenses when you suddenly hook an arm around his shoulders and yank him down toward you, your lips finding their target effortlessly as you kiss him as deeply as you dare in public.

His eyes are as wide as saucers when you part, his guard completely faltering and crumbling before you. He tries to play it off, however, chuckling, “Geez, pip-squeak. Your training at the Hunter Association has paid off. You could have folded me in half with that move.”

Unable to resist a giggle, you bury your face in his chest, murmuring, “I know you know how to watch your back, Caleb. But… be extra careful out there. For me?”

“Of course,” he presses a kiss to the top of your head, his voice suddenly full of emotion as he realizes what’s been eating you up all morning, “You’re my reason for everything, you know that.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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MY LOVE AND DEEPSPACE MASTERLIST

[daenysx]

I can't stop thinking about modern!aemond with his pregnant wife or with the baby, like him caressing her little bump, or massaging her when she feels tired

i wrote a little drabble for this, i hope it's okay <33

modern!aemond targaryen x pregnant fem!reader , fluff

you wrap your fingers around the cup of herbal tea aemond made for you minutes ago.

he's not sitting here with you, because he needs to make calls and work in his room. you told him it's okay, never liked keeping him away from his job. working is something he needs to do to keep his mind occupied, otherwise you think he'll be worried for you or the baby. it happened before.

your other hand draws absent-minded shapes on your belly. it's grown huge, to the point where you can't see your feet when you're standing up. it feels unbelievable sometimes, the fact that you'll be able to see your baby girl in such a short time. you will hold her in your arms, feed her and kiss her. it's gonna feel like a miracle, you're not familiar with miracles.

you are curious about the details, of course. not the giving birth part, you try to keep your mind away from it these days. but what will she look like? doctors are saying she's healthy and everything's okay. will she have aemond's hair? maybe your eyes? will she read lots of books when she's grown like her dad, or will she like obsessing over fictional characters from tv shows just like you did years ago? she'll be perfect, you know that much. a mix of aemond and you. perfect.

you can't wait to meet her for many reasons but it would also be nice to stop being pregnant and get rid of the aches in your body. it's not easy to carry a baby, no matter how excited you are, physical aspects cannot be ignored for too long. you feel swollen everywhere, it's hard to leave the bed or couch by yourself, and sometimes even your face doesn't feel like your own. you think it's normal to feel that way most times, but- not always. not today.

the couch beneath you is usually comfy, not now, though. it feels like something's digging up your spine, you tilt your head back to the pillows with a low groan. baby girl moves, she's a bit restless today. you want to move your legs, maybe walk a little to relieve the numbness in them. well, you can't leave the couch by yourself. tough luck.

your hero steps in, and you manage to take a nice breath. aemond comes to you, his face is unreadable. he tries not to let work bother him, especially when he needs to be okay for the three of you now, but you sense him feeling stressed over it. it looks like today will be a small disaster for each member of his little targaryen family.

"what's wrong?" aemond asks, the moment he sees your discomfort. "are you hurting anywhere?"

you hand him the tea cup, only took a few sips from it before. "can you help me up, please?"

"of course, my love." he softens immediately. it's time to be a good husband, he's not gonna sulk over business deals just now. "here, let me hold you." he says, supporting your body to lift you up.

it's nice to feel your legs again. you hold aemond's hand, his other arm supports your waist to give you something to lean back. you look up to him to get a kiss. it's needed desperately, and he's quick to give you what you want. your belly gets in the way a bit, but aemond is tall enough to still tower over you, your lips meet just right.

"do you wanna walk with me?" aemond asks. "let's go to kitchen and find something to eat for you."

"a walk would be nice." you say, accepting his lead. "she's moving too much today. it's feels like she's angry at me or something."

"she's just impatient." he defends his girl. "she'll be here soon."

"yes." you say happily, stepping into the kitchen. "we still need to decide a name, though."

you lean against the kitchen counter as aemond takes out some fruits from the fridge. he starts preparing a whole plate of them, pineapples and strawberries. just what you like.

"i mean, at least we have options." he says. "we just decide what feels right when we get to see her."

"mm, okay." you say, not having enough energy to discuss the name thing over again. it's hard to pick it, even harder to stop yourself from thinking another option and trying to decide which will be better.

aemond is done with the fruits, he washes his hands and gets a towel to dry them before reaching for you. "you look like you need to get some sleep." he says with a little smile on his face. he cups your cheeks to kiss your chin.

"but you just made me snacks." you tell him. snacks are important.

"they'll be here when you wake up." aemond reminds you. "i'm done with work today. we can go to bed and wake up at dinner time if you want."

normally it's a shock to hear these words from your husband, he doesn't like spending hours on sleeping during the day. after you started getting more tired though, he tries to stay with you as much as he can. you like having him in bed even when you can't cuddle properly, it's the way he makes you feel safe. also, quality time for your tiny family.

you nod, holding his hand again to go to bed. walking seems a bit harder now, you wrap your free hand around your belly. you're thankful for having aemond's clothes on you, nothing feels restraining at least. you sit on bed and try to find a nice position to lay down.

you don't like having covers on you but aemond still pulls the thin blanket on your legs. he lays down after, keeping his body as close to yours as he can. his hand finds its usual spot on your belly. he's gentle with the way he rubs your skin. you close your eyes, your poor muscles give up.

"why is my girl so restless today, hmm?" he asks softly, leaning to your baby as he talks to her. "you need to give your mommy a break, little love, i don't like seeing her so exhausted."

aemond kisses where your baby's head must be and you feel a sudden comfort spreading all over your body. "keep talking to her, please." you say. you love how he manages to calm both you and your baby.

"you'll be here soon." he says, his fingers meet with her as she moves. "we'll get to choose you a name, and you'll wear your tiny clothes. we need to pick up a teddy bear for you, and decide your favorite color to get you nice dresses. you need to be here to do all that, okay?"

you reach for aemond's hand when you feel sleep taking over you. he keeps talking to your baby, and she finally settles down. he doesn't sleep, he doesn't need to. he can only watch you and stay with you just in case you need anything when you wake up. he gives both of you occasional kisses to remind you of his presence.

[muqingslover]

[ Caleb canonically doing MC's laundry has set something off in my brain so here I am. Also, happy Valentine's day ! here's a longer one as a treat from me ;) I've been posting kinda of non-stop haha ] if you saw me post this before no you didn't

This has happened before. In fact, it had happened a few too many times for his sanity's sake. Whenever Caleb offered to do your laundry to be helpful he always had to deal with the strain in his pants that he pretended wasn't there by covering his lap with a magazine and thinking about literally anything else besides that tantalizing piece of fabric. He's been a good man, or at least he's always tried to be one for you. But was it really his fault if the situation was presented to him with a quite literally adorable little red bow?

Still, he has an admiring amount of self-restraint and for days he told himself he should give them back to you. Every time you two met he kept waiting for the moment to return it, clutching the fabric in his pocket, but all he received were reasons not to. Or perhaps, he just saw what he wanted to see. That's how a week turned into months and then the tortuous years without contact that drove him to the brink of insanity. Fighting back the urge to find you again and do everything his mind has fantasized about countless times was one of the hardest battles he ever faced, and that was saying something.

"Fuck..." He exhaled shakily. His head hit the wall behind him and he spread his legs further on the chair of his private quarters, keeping a firm hand wrapped around the base of his cock. It started after he found the old pair of panties that he had so carefully stored away and now all his mind had to offer were twisted fantasies. Caleb was in biiig trouble— He had to leave in less than fifteen minutes for a meeting and there were security officers constantly passing by his door, but he was past the stage that a simple cold shower and mental math equations would make the issue go away. The images of how the fabric would've adorned your curves in all the right places were soon followed by the memories of how sometimes he'd get a sneak peek when you bent over in front of him and gods that was the sexiest thing he's ever seen.

His metallic hand clutched the delicate fabric tighter as he trapped the lace between his teeth to force down another low groan when his palm began moving up and down again and the faint smell of your soap made his mind feel fuzzy. He was so sensitive that it ached to be touched— He was sure if this was your hand he'd have come on the spot the second your fingers brushed against him. Hell, if you breathed a bit too closely to his cock he'd fall apart like the pathetic man he is and he can only picture how your beautiful face would look covered with his cum. Can you blame him though? He's never even considered doing this with anyone else, nor will he ever do that, and his busy military life didn't leave much space for his own...moments.

He released the lace from his teeth and pressed the red fabric against his swollen tip, accidentally letting out a strained moan that was a bit too loud as his eyes rolled back into his head. He decided to quickly shut himself up by pushing his dog tag into his mouth to bite down on the metal, otherwise everyone outside his room would know just what the colonel was doing. Caleb imagined that the wet line his precum had made was because of your arousal for him instead. The way it would seep through the thin fabric and mark your pussy for him in such a filthy way. The way he'd lick along the damp spot and enjoy each and every sound that he'd surely drag out of your throat while he had your thighs around his head.

His hips jerked as he thrusted himself into his hand, into your panties, into you. The room filled with his barely contained ragged breathing as he hoped your pussy would be as much of a slippery mess as his cock was right now when he pushed past your slit, stretching you open so good yet so agonizingly slow. His grasp around his length was tight when the friction of the thin fabric against his dripping cock sent him over the edge and he came so hard his body twitched non-stop. His dog tag slipped from his lips, dangling around his neck again as he slumped back against the chair after his strength left his body momentarily.

His eyes landed on the red panties that were now coated in his thick, white cum and Caleb raised his hand to bring the messy cloth to his lips. He pushed his tongue out and licked along right at the middle where your soaked cunt would be, tasting his own release and wishing it was yours. It was a shame he had gotten such a pretty and precious thing dirty but, not to worry, he's always been good at cleaning up.

[forest-hashira]

Naked in Osaka

hi friends! this is my submission for @pixelcafe-network's "challenge friday" that they do every other week! the prompt this week was a random song selected by shuffle, and my assigned song was "Naked In Manhattan" by Chappell Roan, and after a bit of debate (& some help from friends), i decided to go with shoko for this fic. it's a quick thing, but it was fun! i hope to write more for female characters in the future, and this was a good jumping off point 💜

read on ao3 | wc: ~2.6k | cw: gender neutral reader (no pronouns used, but implied fem reader based on song lyrics), alcohol consumption, making out, implied smut at the end (kinda?), implied first sapphic experience (thus the pride divider), shoko calls reader "cute", minor background stsg

“Please leave your message after the tone.” Beep.

“Hey Sho, I know you just landed, and I know you're probably busy, but I would love to see you, so call me when you can.” 

You sighed softly to yourself as you ended the call, tucking your cellphone into your pocket. It wasn’t exactly a surprise that you’d gotten Shoko’s voicemail – she’d been out of the country on a trip and had only just gotten back – but it was still a bit of a disappointment. You hadn’t been able to see her much since you’d graduated from Jujutsu High together, since you’d moved to Osaka just a few weeks later. She was good about returning your calls and texts, so you tried not to think about it too much.

Despite how infrequently you got to see your friend in person, she never really left your thoughts. In fact, you probably thought about her more than was normal. The two of you had been pretty close in school, spending a lot of your time together, especially when Gojo and Geto were off on missions or otherwise wrapped up in each other. You’d been friends with the boys too, of course, but your one on one time with Shoko was where you formed all your best memories of your school years. Around third year was when you realized your fondness for the other girl may have been more than just platonic, but you never allowed yourself to dwell on it or bring it up to Shoko, telling yourself it was no different than the way the boys felt or acted around each other, so there couldn’t be anything weird about it.

Then again, the boys had gone on to start dating after graduation, and last you’d heard they’d gotten engaged, so… Maybe it was worth revisiting those feelings again.

The sound of your phone ringing pulled you out of your thoughts, and when you saw Shoko’s contact picture – a slightly blurry selfie she’d sent you nearly a year ago while she was out getting drinks with her friends in Tokyo, her cheeks a little flushed and a soft smile tugging at her lips – on the screen, you felt your cheeks begin to burn, as if you’d been caught doing something you shouldn’t.

“Hey.”

“What are you doing tonight?” Shoko asked, and you couldn’t help but smile. Your conversations with her never really seemed to stop or start; instead, it was more like you’d been having one long conversation with her from the day you’d met.

“Nothing,” you told her, idly beginning to pace your room. “What’s up?”

“Figured I’d come see you if you were free. That okay?”

You bit your lip for a moment, suddenly feeling very flustered. “I-I, uh… Yeah! Yeah, that’s fine. That sounds great, actually.” It was obvious even to you that you were stumbling over your words, and you cringed slightly at how weird you sounded.

Shoko only chuckled quietly at you. “Careful,” she teased, “if you act too excited you might give me a bigger head than Gojo.”

That made you laugh. “As if that could ever happen.”

“You’re right,” she agreed, her words airy with laughter. “Does that udon place down the street from you still do carryout?”

“Yeah, as far as I know.”

“Cool. I’ll cover dinner if you’ll cover drinks.”

“Wine or sake?”

“Surprise me.”

She hung up without saying goodbye, though that wasn’t unusual. You glanced at the time, and though you knew you had a few hours before she’d be there even if she’d already been on the train when she called you, you already felt like you were running out of time for all the things you needed to do before she arrived. 

After a few moments of internal scrambling, you figured out a rough order of operations: popping into the liquor store to grab Shoko’s favorite wine, then a mad dash to make your apartment presentable, then finally a shower before she arrived. The trip to the store didn’t take very long, and you tucked the two bottles of wine you’d grabbed into your freezer to chill while you cleaned and got ready. 

Thankfully, your apartment wasn’t as much of a mess as you’d convinced yourself it was, so cleaning it didn’t take long at all, and you were able to hop in the shower within an hour of getting off the phone. The last thing you wanted was to smell when you saw your friend for the first time in over a year, and you knew you were sweating from nerves. It was ridiculous to be nervous about seeing her, you knew that, but this time felt different, somehow. Maybe it was because you’d been wondering earlier that day if you really did have feelings for Shoko.

Whatever the reason was, you were desperate not to smell like nervous sweats.

After thoroughly scrubbing yourself with your best-smelling body wash, you hurried to your bedroom to get dressed. Overwhelmed with options, you threw on some underwear and paced your room, feeling like a nervous teenager.

It’s just Shoko, you reminded yourself, sitting down on your rug. She’s not gonna care what you’re wearing as long as you’re wearing something. A soft groan escaped you then, and you flopped onto your back and covered your face with your hands.

Your pity party came to an abrupt end when your phone chimed. Pushing yourself up just enough to grab it from your bed, you saw a text from Shoko, letting you know her train was about to arrive, and that she’d be at your apartment in half an hour at most. 

The message made your heart flip in your chest. How long have I been laying here? How long was I in the shower?? Instead of letting her in on your internal panic, you shot back a simple “see you soon!” text, then leapt up from the floor, scrambling to find clothes that were comfortable but also somewhat presentable. Eventually you settled on a pair of pajama shorts and a loose t-shirt, then stepped into the bathroom to make sure your hair wasn’t a complete disaster.

You’d only just finished putting your hair out of your face in a way you were satisfied with when you heard a knock at the door. Heart skipping a beat again, you took a deep breath to steady yourself, then hurried to answer the door.

Shoko stood there with a small smile on her face, an overnight bag slung over her shoulder and the takeout in her other hand. “Long time no see,” she greeted, stepping inside as you moved aside. “Is it cool if I go change real quick?” She set the takeout on your table as she spoke, then turned to you and arched a brow slightly.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll get the drinks out and everything while you do that.”

Her smile widened the tiniest bit. “Perfect.”

She made her way to your bathroom with her overnight bag, and as she shut the door, you pulled a bottle of wine from the freezer and two glasses from the cabinet. They weren’t fancy, and they didn’t match, but you told yourself it was better than drinking out of plastic cups.

Once the glasses were out, you opened the bottle, pouring a fair amount into each of the glasses, though one had a bit more; Shoko’s tolerance had always been a bit higher than yours, so you were sure she would want to drink more than you did to make sure you had the same buzz. 

You had just started pulling the takeout from the bag when Shoko came back from getting changed, and your heart fluttered a bit when you saw her. She wore a tank top with a big picture of Gudetama in the middle and a pair of yellow shorts to match. It reminded you of the pajama sets Gojo had gotten everyone when you were in high school – Cinnamoroll for himself, Kuromi for Geto, Badtz-Maru for Shoko, and Keroppi for you – though you knew it wasn’t the same set from back then, since she wore a different character now. 

“You’re staring,” Shoko teased, bumping you lightly with her hip once she was standing beside you. “Do I really look that hot in my pajamas?”

Though her words left you feeling more than a little flustered, you just scoffed at her and rolled your eyes. “They remind me of the ones Gojo got us when we were in school, that’s all.” 

“He got me these ones, too,” she said with a small chuckle. “They were for my birthday last year.”

“Why’d he pick a different character than the one he picked when we were in school?”

“He said the penguin reminds him too much of Megumi now,” she said with a shrug, and you both laughed. You could see the resemblance too, though; both had the spiky black hair and the deadpan expression, and imagining Gojo telling the boy that nearly made you die laughing all over again, but you kept it to yourself for the moment.

Just as comfortable in your home as she was in her own, Shoko opened a few of your kitchen drawers, grabbing soup spoons and chopsticks for the both of you. “We should watch a movie while we eat.”

“What do you want to watch?” you asked curiously, carrying the takeout to your living room and setting it on your coffee table.

“What was that American movie we watched all the time in school?” she asked, following after you with the utensils and wine. “It was about those high school girls who wore pink.”

“Mean Girls?”

“Yeah, Mean Girls!” she grinned, setting everything down before sitting on the floor, gesturing for you to join her. “God, I don’t know how we never got sick of that movie.”

“Because Regina George was hot,” you replied without thinking about it.

The words drew a laugh from her, and she bumped you with her shoulder. “Glad I’m not the only one who thinks so.”

A small, relieved chuckle left you at her teasing words. “I’m sure we could stream it somewhere if you wanna watch it again.”

“Please, I could use a good throwback.” She took a long sip from her glass, then opened the lid on her bowl of udon.

With a nod, you grabbed the remote for your TV, sipping from your own glass as you flipped through various streaming services looking for the movie. Eventually you found it, not even caring that you had to pay to watch it; it was worth it to have a night in with your friend, especially when you knew it would make her laugh and smile more.

Once the movie had started, you finally got into your own food. You smiled when you saw that Shoko had gotten your order perfect without even asking. She’d memorized it in school, but it made butterflies flutter in your stomach a bit to know that she’d never forgotten it, even after so much time apart.

For the most part it was quiet as you watched the movie, only the soft sounds of occasional slurping and the faint clinging noise of glass on glass when Shoko topped up your wine glasses. Every once in a while, one of you would make a small comment or joke, or you’d quote the lines along with the movie before bursting out laughing. It felt like being back in school, huddled in one of your dorm beds, sharing drinks from a flask shoko had managed to sneak on campus.

At some point, you set your glass down after finishing the contents. It had been your second glass – or maybe your second? Shoko had topped you up enough times that it was hard to be sure – and was enough to have everything feeling a little fuzzy around the edges. Leaning back against your couch, you turned your head towards the other woman, smiling to yourself as you watched her, rather than the movie.

She’s so pretty… even prettier than when we were in school. When did she get so pretty?

“I’ve always been this pretty.”

Shoko’s words startled you a bit, and though it took your brain a moment to catch up, you realized she was responding to your thoughts. Only… you must have said all of them out loud, rather than just in your head. The realization had your face burning with embarrassment. “Oh my god, Sho, I—”

“It’s okay,” she assured you with a smile. She settled into the same position as you, turning to face you a bit. “‘M glad you think I’m pretty. Always thought you were cute, too.”

The whole world came to a screeching halt around you. “…You did?”

“Yeah,” she said easily, brushing her hair out of her eyes. Her words weren’t slurred, but you could see that her movements were loosened a bit from the wine. “Thought you knew that.”

“No, I… How would I have known? You never said anything.”

“I saw the way you looked at me. Thought you’d only look at me like that if you knew.”

You blinked, confused, and more than a little worried. “…How did I look at you?”

Her expression softened at that. “The same way I caught Gojo staring at Geto when Geto wasn’t looking, before they got together.”

The words sent a mixture of shame and hope swirling around your tipsy mind, and before you could really contemplate your next move, you heard yourself asking, “Can I kiss you?”

Shoko’s cheeks flushed a bit, and she nodded, shifting closer and wrapping her arm around your waist. Your eyes widened as she came into your space, and when you felt her breath on your lips, your own finally started cooperating with you again.

“I’ve never kissed a girl before.”

“I’ll teach you,” was Shoko’s only response before she kissed you. She was surprisingly warm, and it only took a second for your eyes to slip shut and for you to melt into her, returning her kiss eagerly. As she kissed you, everything else in the world faded away, the only sensation you were aware of was the feeling of her lips on yours.

It didn’t take long for her to press in closer, tilting her head a bit to deepen the kiss. Stumbling and a bit inexperienced, you did your best to move with her. She held you closer with the arm around your waist, her free hand coming up to cup your cheek, guiding your movements the tiniest bit. Time slowed and stretched out, the moment between you endless in the best possible way. You weren’t entirely sure when her tongue came into the mix, but next thing you knew you were parting your lips to let her in. 

A small sound escaped you as she deepened the kiss further, turning slightly to press you both into the couch a bit more. Still struggling to keep up because of the alcohol in your bloodstream, the movement threw you off a bit. Reluctantly, you pulled away for a moment, needing desperately to catch your breath. 

Shoko smiled down at you as you panted, faces only inches apart. “How was that for your first kiss with a girl?”

“I really wanna kiss you again.”

She laughed softly. “Is kissing all you wanna do tonight?” She arched a brow curiously, her thumb tracing your bottom lip lightly. 

“I don’t know how to do anything else,” you breathed, “but I'd love to learn.”

“Looks like I've got some teaching to do, then. Lesson one: kissing with tongue.” She leaned in again, capturing your lips in another passionate kiss. You were more than willing to let her take the lead, though; there was no one else you’d rather have teach you everything, anyways.

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[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for playing music in my shared apartment?

🎵🎧 so I can find it

I live in a shared apartment with two other girls (L and S). It is a student apartment because we are all university students, but it's not provided by the school. Just an apartment complex that markets to students.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year, and he comes over on weekends sometimes and we hang out or go to dinner, do homework, and yes, have sex. I have tried to be the ideal roommate. I never use my speakers to play music, only headphones. I have shushed my boyfriend when he laughs super loud during TV shows. Meanwhile, both of my roommates have a habit of playing loud music, burning candles and incense, having half a dozen people over and doing karaoke super loud and late at night with the only warning "having some friends over later."

Last weekend, my roommate L allowed her friend over to work on their small business stuff in the common area (L was not at the apartment, she let the friend in and then went to work). The friend had the TV playing in the living room, and my boyfriend and I keep pretty quiet when we're having sex. I guess we were louder than we thought, because I got a text later from L basically reading me the riot act for making her friend uncomfortable and being inconsiderate. The friend seems nice, I didn't intend to make him uncomfortable. L also said that there have been several times that she or S have heard my boyfriend and I, and that it's "fucking nasty" and I need to be more considerate of the fact that we share a living space. I thought this was pretty hypocritical given that I am almost always super quiet because the walls are thin, and neither of them bothers to keep the noise down.

But I'm not trying to start a fight, so I told her I didn't realize we could be heard and I would make an effort to prevent it in the future.

So. Last night was Valentine's. (Wrote this when the ask box was closed lol) My boyfriend and I went out to dinner, spent some time playing a board game in my room, and then I turned on some music on my speakers, turned it up loud enough that it would have masked normal conversation volume, and we had sex. The music was loud enough that, unless we spoke directly into one another's ears or raised our voices, my boyfriend and I couldn't hear each other.

I got a furious text this morning because I only played music when it was obvious that we were banging, so that made it gross to L, like I was broadcasting what I was doing to the rest of the apartment. I told her that she should do what I did and buy some headphones, and otherwise she could decide whether she preferred to hear my music or to hear me getting laid.

She said I'm disgusting and to grow up.

On the one hand, it WAS obvious that I was playing the music to mask the sounds. I don't like music during sex, but I was trying to be considerate (even if I was pissed). I don't think that I should have to stop having sex in my own home that I pay for, especially when I am already making efforts to keep it pretty quiet. L seems to think that I shouldn't do it at all while someone is home, but S is almost ALWAYS home, and tbh, I don't think it's unreasonable to want to have some intimacy with my boyfriend in my own home, especially on Valentine's Day. But I'll admit, part of me felt pretty spiteful & vindicated when I started the music, so AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[hedwigoprah]

Rook Development Questions

hey hey hey It's time for more questions and answers about Veryl. I'm still avoiding writing but while I'm doing that I thought I should be constructive and deciding new things about Veryl seemed like a good use of my procrastination. @themildmahariel tagging to ask if you've done this one yet? lmk Please feel free to ask me more about any of these questions, I love talking about this poor woman I've elected to traumatize just for existing.

How exactly did they get their nickname, and what do they think about it? Varric watched her play a chess match in a bar in the middle of the day. Several actually and she favored a rook end move when she won. He started calling her that when he finally sat down to play against her. She really loves it, gave her a new identity that would allow her to be known as something other than Ingellvar or Spectre even. She sees it as a new name rather than a title. She gave varric her last business card, something she kept form her MW days, and added Rook to it before giving it to him, a confirmation of her acceptance to his little team, he gave it back to her and told her to keep it for herself, that she would need it more than he did. 

How well-qualified for their new leadership position are they really? Actually really well qualified. She was in charge of a pseudo suicide squad in the Grand Necropolis that she led on several classified missions before and including during the War of Banners. She doesn't want to take over for Varric because she doesn't want to be in charge again. She doesn't want to answer for other people's lives again. 

What's their opinion of the Inquisitor? He's a pretty chill guy, but she doesn't envy his responsibility one bit. 

What's other people's general impression of Rook? How does Rook come across in conversation? Veryl is awkard and a little terse to stangers, because of lack of proper socializing but she's very out going and generally unafraid. I think people see her as a little aloof but not unapproachable. 

Would they rather throw hands (or spells) or talk it out? Talk it out. But she's not above throwing hand if negotiations go south. Tries her best to manipulate a conversation in her favor. 

Does Rook think the Veilguard can save the world? Sure, whatever it takes.

... okay, the rest of the team's not listening. Does Rook really think the Veilguard can save the world? She doesn't have time to think about whether or not they actually can, and she won't instill a hyper false hope in her team, they either make it out alive or they go down swinging. 

Do they expect to actually come out of the whole thing alive? Expectations are always low for Veryl. She takes things one step at a time and is grateful for everyday she wakes up. 

Killing Venatori, Antaam and random mercenaries - a particular pleasure, just part of the job, or something Rook loses sleep over? Death is the name of the game for Veryl. She was desensitized to it a long, long, time ago. That being said, she does treat it with an exagerated amount of weight because taking life is so easy for her. It's almost like she's over-compensating for not feeling enough about death? Emmrich's fears are a new perspective for her. 

How often does someone have to fish them out of a body of water? Only when she goes to deep, otherwise she tries her best to avoid it altogether. Anything to create less work for her team, she doesn't want to be a problem. 

Do they crash on Solas' ugly green couch or do they have a bed hidden somewhere?  She falls asleep everywhere. The team has designated spots to direct her to when she falls alseep somewhere that will probably end up hurting after the fact. Neve's couch, the sofa in the kitchen, the chair in front of both Emmrich's and Davrin fireplace. They've found her in the library too, just, passed out, but easily woken, and guided somewhere else.  The green couch is the least likely place you'll find her. 

What do they think about their room at the Lighthouse? It's fine. It serves it's purpose of giving her a space to meditate and connect with Solas *eyeroll* It is, however, far to secluded for her liking.

What does Rook put onto the grocery list in the dining hall? "Something weird or whatever looks interesting." She likes to try new things, and then does taste testing or unboxing when the groceries come back. 

How often do they actually get a decent night's sleep? Almost never. She never sleeps deeply after having to stay on guard for as long as she can remember. There are only a handful of times she probably sleeps well, the first was when Emmrich carried her to his bed after finding her in the chair in the lab. After that, it's only when she manages to sneak into his bed (he always knows she'll be there.)

Out of the people they met during their adventure, whom do they like the most? (Challenge mode: companions don't count) Cybil! The Crossroads messenger! She's just a grumpy elf that runs around the cross roads delivering missives. They have a playful relationship where Veryl always tells her to go away if she's just bringing more mail. But she loves Cybil's Mabari: Biscuit. 

What's their favorite spot around the Lighthouse (and Crossroads)? The Window Seat on the second floor of the Laboratory that the Lighthouse conjured just for her. 

How'd they deal with the fade prison? Once she realizes what the frick is happening and it's not some bizzare dream? Badly. Lace dying is dessimating, but finally realizing Varric has been dead this whole time, that's what almost stops her from getting out at all. It's the War of Banners for her all over again. 

Is Rook quite as bad at jumping as the game implies, and if yes, why? She doesn't think about it enough, so she fails in her judgement of distance. 

What's their favorite outfit like?  It's her mourn watch uniform, it feels like a second skin and it's been worn to her shape. It's been mended and stitched so many times in some places that the original fabric is no longer there. 

What do they do when they have some downtime? Sparring, calisthenics, old training rituals or finding a person willing to play chess or wicked grace or other games. 

Biggest regret of all? Never being enough. 

The absolute highlight of their adventure? Saving the Griffons and bringing new life to a previously extinct idea. Creating life or preserving it is rare for her. 

A place in Thedas they haven't seen yet, but would like to? The Emerald Graves, to see the dragons and the old ruins and the greenery.

What's a lie Rook's told before, and why? That she didn't want to be part of the bookclub. She wanted to make sure that they had a space without feeling like the boss was just hanging around. 

What do they do after the end of their adventure? I think she takes the time to learn to swim and eventually goes cliff diving. Something she and Lace always talked about doing. 

[emotionallyattachednerd]

Darkness Lust | IDW Helex x f!robot reader | NSFW 18+

Word count: 2300+

Warnings: Cnc, Smut, ( oral, rough interfacing and semi-public ) and size difference. NSFW 18+.

Notes: Order up! So, this took a completely different turn. Unsure if it got weird along the way, but here it is, and I have no regrets. Wanted to move into darker themes with my writing so hope this turned out. Added cnc into the warnings just to be safe. Another thing, know the request states for them to almost get caught but I had to let them get caught. Hope you all enjoy.🥰

Cnc - Consensual non consent

☕ Coffee

Helex saved you, at least this is what you keep telling yourself over again, and you felt you owed him for this. Your escape pod from a ship had crashed onto an unknown planet, and it was by chance that he found you, injured from the crash but alive. You're brought back with him and when you are online again you find yourself in an unknown place and your wounds are patched.

When you first meet Helex he terrifies you. His enormous form is at least three times bigger than your smaller figure, multiple arms latched on his frame, and a cavernous torso where you can feel his internal heating elements boiling even from a distance, his own personal smelting pool.

You knew who he was but only from horrifying stories. A member of the Decepticon Justice Division, a group of torturers employed by Megatron to hunt down and deal with traitors.

You're an autobot though, they were only interested in decepticon traitors, right? You don't want to find out the answer you decided. All you can do is thank him politely and ask for a safe return back home. His answer is what seals your fate.

"You're home."

Helex wouldn't let you leave and the one time you did try to escape you don't get far, and it's his enormous figure, intense gaze, and the threatening glow from his torso that reminds you to not anger him, otherwise things won't end well for you at all. So for now, you stay put, much to your misery.

Now, here you are, trapped in a place you wanted to be far away from. You weren't threatened, you weren't hurt, in fact you were provided with average care, Helex never let you starve and made sure you were comfortable, at least as best as you can be in such a place.

As the days went by they continue to drag out, and you lost track of how long you've been there. A lot of the time you get bored and try to keep yourself busy however you can, but it's a struggle, mentally.

Often you would hear the echoed screams, and that's when you needed to truly escape. You didn't want to hear them, and the only place the screams can be blocked out is in the medic bay. Nickel allows you to clean the bay often, showing some pity you think, and it also keeps you distracted from everything else.

Now, in the medic bay again, you do your best to find even the smallest of things to tidy or clean up. You honestly don't know how long you've been at it, but you feel the thundering quacks slowly increase, and glancing up towards the door you see Helex entering. Nickel must've told him where you are.

He's silent, as you are too, no greetings offered from either of you. You never know what to say to him, and you've unsure what he is thinking either. He moves towards you, causing you to grow nervous as he gets closer before stopping beside you, your optics focused on the bench in front of you where you had just cleaned.

"Are you afraid of me?" His sudden voice cuts through the air.

"Sometimes." You answer through a shaken whisper before meeting his fierce gaze. "Do you want me to be afraid of you?"

"I'm not sure." He sounds confused, and his answer doesn't really help calm you. "You're intriguing."

You're unsure what to say to that, and so you turn your gaze back to the bench just to avoid his piercing gaze. Yeah, you're scared of him, but he hasn't hurt you, not yet at least, and you're fully aware what he was capable of which is why you don't push him.

Helex continues to stare before he moves again, this time moving his large servo towards your face and using the back of his broad digit to caress against your cheek plating. The contact causes your venting to hitch, followed by a soft whimper out of fear. The affection is new and you're unsure how to react.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"What do you want?" You can't help the tremble in your vocals.

"I want you."

You turn your helm at him and he's suddenly on you, firm broad lips latching onto your own fiercely causing you to let out a startled whimper, muffled by his lips as he lifts you up onto the bench and pins you down onto the surface. Your hands push up against his chassis, giving weak attempts to get him off you, but it's pointless. His size and strength prove that, and you feel vulnerable and helpless as he forcefully kisses you.

His second pair of arms suddenly tug your legs apart, giving him the opportunity to press against you more and deepen the kiss. You feel his glossa push between your lips and coil around your own. His glossa isn't like others, much longer and hotter, a magna bitterness lingering as he fills your mouth and explores, causing you to let out a choked wince. Is that energon you taste? Did he just consume energon? Something told you that you don't want to know the answer. He shows no intention of stopping, and in fact he seems to be liking it as he lets out a low moan against your lips, his strong servos pinning you still as his second pair roam across your thighs and waist areas.

Your fighting attempts cease and you're left with no option but to let him, and much to your confusion your entire frame starts warming up from his intense actions. This shouldn't be happening, you shouldn't be enjoying this, yet you find yourself moaning lowly, your mouth full of his extended glossa.

Helex removes himself from the kiss, followed by his glossa that descends out from your mouth covered in saliva. You let out a forced vent and stare at him with wide optics, a bit stunned by his action, and he is only getting started.

He lifts your bottom half up making you gasp out loudly, leaving you to hang upside down just about from the berth you sat upon and you grip your servos across the edges. You feel his hot vents against your legs and panel, servos holding you tightly, right before feeling his snake glossa sliding against your covered valve.

"W-what are you doing?!" You're scared, feeling the hot texture against your closed panel and inner thighs, and much to your shock you're slowly growing more warm, whimpering in pleasure as he holds you hanging there, right before you automatically feel your panel retract on its own due to your growing desire.

He likes that, and takes his chance to latch onto your valve and devour you, thick glossa already sliding in deeply as he lets out a lingering moan tasting your fluid sweetness.

Another startled mewl erupts from you as you feel his glossa reach far deep through your channel, further than any spike before you've had. This shouldn't be real, yet it's happening, and reality sinks in as he starts to frag you with his glossa, sliding back and forth through your depths.

Your body responds through shivers of growing arousal, your valve building with fluids as you can't help but clench around his sliding glossa, letting out lingering soft moans as you crumble under him. Helex enjoys your taste and your reactions, letting out a vibrating satisfied groan against your valve that rocks through your frame.

The angle is strange, being lifted half off the berth leaving your shoulders and helm to barely rest against it while he holds you up by your spread legs and waist to hold you against him.

Constant weak mewls erupt from you over again as his glossa plunges through your channel, thighs spasming violently while you servos grab hold onto the edges as you feel yourself start to roll your hips against his glossa. You can't help yourself, it feels amazing!

This leaves though when you feel him pull away, glossa leaving your valve causing you to whimper in protest lightly. His hold is still tight as he lowers you back down, only for you to realise than that his panel had retracted, revealing his ridiculously large pulsing spike, tapping directly onto your valve, and this is when your fear quickly boils up again.

"W-wait, wait, you're too big-!" You're bluntly cut off when he ignores you and presses his spike against your valve firmly, the fat tip slowly breaching and invading your channel, thickness stretching you widely while he continues to press forward.

Your servos grip at his broad ones firmly latched against your hips while his second pair hold your legs apart, holding you in place, leaving you with nothing but to accept his spike that slowly fills. Letting out a choked sob you feel the burning pleasure build at your valve, every pulsing ridge rubbing forward and creating a bulge that slowly expands against your valve and lower soft armour.

Taking so much of him surprises you, you didn’t think your smaller frame could take so much.

His heated vents hit you, almost a burning sensation, as he firmly presses himself against your valve fully, able to stretch you fully while letting out a deep groan release from his chassis. Your optics shutter close while letting out soft winces followed by moans of desire rushing through you. You feel his entire length pulsing rapidly through your channel, expanding through the bulge created before you manage to online your optics to look at him.

He's staring right back, scorching gaze piercing through your small figure. He's so powerful, dangerous. There's no love or care in his face, only hunger and the growing arousal through him. This is only for pleasure, whether he intended for you to enjoy it you don't know, but you still enjoy it.

Helex gives a blunt thrust, shaking you against the berth as another choked sob leaves you, surprised by his sudden action as you grip your servos into his own even more, digits digging into his soft armour that will leave dents. He does it again, and again, slowly, feeling that broad spike moving through your channel thoroughly, before you feel his movements pick up as he tugs you by your waist against his movements, shaking the berth and yourself while you let out repeated gasps and moans.

Your sensitive node is stimulated against his rough armour while you continue to let out outbursts of desire rocking through your frame, clenching around his thrusting spike and feeling him buried deep within you. Despite your position, who it was, you don't care. You love the pleasure boiling through every inch of you and the tight hold he possessed, claiming and using you for his pleasure which you find oddly arousing.

His movements increase, forcing out stuttered vents from you over again, legs spread wide by his secondary arms and the heat radiating from him clouding your trembling frame. You feel his spike pump into you fully over again, twitching violently, vocal sounds growing louder, and you know he's about to overload, and it's no surprise to you that you feel yourself growing close to crashing through your own.

Moving your servo you rub at your node as you're unsure if he would care if you overload or not. Doing this causes your back to arch and accept every rough thrust against you, mewling loudly as you feel your overload coming crashing through you while clenching around his thickness. Helex lets out a deep groan that erupts from his chassis, feeling you clenching hard, giving a couple more jerky thrusts before spilling his thick trans fluids deep in you.

You feel the warm sticky fluids filling you to the brim, filling your chambers, channel and expanding up with his spike against your lower half. Some leak out with nowhere else to go while you hear it drip onto the floor, only low whimpers as the afterburst of pleasure continues to linger.

Helex keeps himself within as he admires and savours every moment, rubbing his primary servos across the bulge against you. He drew out a lot of your energy, and you silently admit it was a pretty good frag, your overload was quite marvellous. You're both lost the moment you don't hear someone entering the room.

Nickel clears her vocals to get their attention, making you both snap your gazes on her as she tads her peda against the flood with crossed arms, not impressed by the scene.

"Seriously? You two have your own private room to fool around in. I don't understand why you insisted on letting it happen in my medic bay."

All you can do is gasp and look away, feeling horribly embarrassed that you've been caught in such a way. You wince a little as you shift, still feeling him buried deep in you.

"Sorry, Nickel." Helex says softly. Despite her size, she somehow put the other members of DJD in their place, and learned to respect her.

"Well, chop chop, get cleaning. I don't want to be stepping in either of your fluids. Place better be spotless when I return." She turns on her pedas and heads out.

Letting out a low groan you feel his spike start to leave you, and flop out leaving your valve gaping and leaking your mixed fluids. Your optics are fuzzy but you feel his hot frame leaning across and sharing a surprisingly tender kiss with you. He tucks himself away, sharing one more glance with you, before turning and leaving the room.

You're left alone, sitting up against the berth as you give yourself a moment to gather your thoughts. It seems you're left to clean up, of course. Venting out deeply you do your best to clean yourself, close your panels, and start to wipe down the berth and floor.

Helex confused you, but you shouldn't expect too much from the large mech. You don't know what to expect anymore, or if you were ever going to escape. A part of you doesn't want to though, just so you can keep Helex's spike all to yourself.

[kikyoupdates]

Heartbreaker ⭑˚💔⭑ 𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝑢𝑝

bnha x f!reader

reverse harem, isekai, my hero academia x fem!reader, slowburn

You awaken one day with virtually no memories. The only thing guiding you is some strange system that likes to dictate your every move, and for some reason, it insists that you make certain people fall in love with you. Desperate for answers, you decide to go along with its demands. After all, how hard can it be?

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Compared to Katsuki, Izuku was much easier to get along with.  

He struck you as rather timid, but despite the fact that you’d only just met, something told you that he was a good person. You weren't sure why, but you could just tell. And at the very least, you were off to a good start since you’d helped him out.  

“Are you okay now?” you asked.  

Izuku nodded hastily. “Y-Yeah. It’s no big deal. Kacchan’s always getting angry at me for one reason or another. But I appreciate you cutting in. Most people wouldn’t. Actually, it’s the first time anyone ever has.”  

Kacchan? 

You supposed it was Katsuki’s nickname or something. While you didn’t know the exact nature of their relationship, the hateful glare Katsuki had given you when you’d intervened—plus the way Izuku had basically cowered from him—was enough to tell you that they didn’t get along.  

In that case, how the hell were you supposed to win both of them over? Katsuki had lost his shit when you’d helped Izuku out. The whole thing was giving you a massive headache.  

But again, you remembered that you had no choice. There was no way around it but to follow the system’s orders.  

Anything was better than being tormented for eternity.  

“Anyways, I’m really sorry for bothering you,” Izuku blushed. “You’re probably busy. I didn’t mean to keep you for too long.”  

“I’m not busy,” you insisted. It was technically true. You’d been in the middle of completing your 5-kilometer run as part of your daily task, but otherwise, you had all the time in the world. Besides, one of your targets was right in front of you. You needed to take advantage of this opportunity and get to know him as much as possible.  

And if the system was actually telling the truth... the more people you got to fall in love with you, the more of your memories would return, right?  

That was a hard if, though.  

“Do you want to hang out for a bit?” you blurted. You hoped you weren’t coming across as too forward, but you couldn’t risk him leaving right now. You had no idea when you would meet again.  

Izuku’s face was only getting redder. “H-Hang out? You mean... with me?”  

“Of course. There’s no one else here, is there?”  

For reasons you couldn’t quite explain, he seemed in utter disbelief that you wanted to spend time with him. It didn’t really make sense. He seemed like a perfectly nice person, unlike his hotheaded counterpart.  

Eventually though, Izuku swallowed and nodded his head.  

“If you’re sure you don’t mind, then yes,” he said, smiling shyly. “I would like that.”  

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐒 𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄:

[𝐌𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐲𝐚 𝐈𝐳𝐮𝐤𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮.]

[+𝟏𝟎 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐬.]

Yes!  

This was going a lot better than you’d expected, and you had Izuku’s kind nature to thank for that. You weren’t sure exactly what happened when you maxed out your love points, but for now, you seemed to be on the right track.  

You grinned. “Okay, well, what do you want to do? I’m not super familiar with the area, if I’m being honest. Is there anywhere we can sit down for a little while and chat?”  

“Ah, there’s a park nearby. Would that be alright?”  

“Sure! Lead the way.”  

You walked side-by-side, and you quickly came to realize that Izuku wasn’t the best at striking up a conversation. His shyness made him more likely to shrink on himself, but despite the silence that settled over the two of you, it wasn’t unpleasant. Even just being next to him had a way of lifting your spirits. 

You caught him stealing glances at you every so often, and his blush had yet to desist.  

[𝐌𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐲𝐚 𝐈𝐳𝐮𝐤𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲.]

[+𝟏𝟎 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐬.]

Now it was your turn to blush. Jeez, these updates were useful as far as knowing how your actions were affecting the people you wanted to get close to, but it was a bit weird being so aware of their thoughts. You felt guilty about it, to a certain degree, even though it was completely out of your control. 

“It’s just over there,” Izuku eventually perked up. “There are benches where we can sit down. How does that sound?”  

“Sounds perfect,” you beamed.  

Izuku returned your smile with one of his own, and he looked more confident doing so this time. You had to admit that he was pretty cute. He had a way of coming across as endearing. It was nice that he was one of the people the system wanted you to win over, because you imagined you would probably grow to love his company.  

Before long, you’d taken a seat on a park bench. Izuku was wary of keeping a bit of distance between the two of you. Most likely not because he didn’t want to be near you, but because he was too embarrassed to get close.  

“So,” you began. “Since we still don’t know each other very well... maybe you could start by telling me what kind of things you’re into?” 

Izuku paused for a few moments, lacing his hands together, then gave you a cautious look. “Um. I-I like heroes. I think they’re super cool.”  

You were officially lost.  

Heroes? What does he mean by that?  

As if predicting your thoughts, the system decided to chime in.  

[“𝐑𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐐𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐤𝐬? 𝐂𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐐𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐜. 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐐𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐬 𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬. 𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐨 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐛. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐚𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐞, 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲'𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐬.”]

Interesting. You supposed it made sense. There were bound to be people that exploited their powers, but also those that kept them in check.  

Based on Izuku’s expression, he seemed quite eager to get into this topic, even though he was trying to suppress his excitement. He probably idolized heroes, and for good reason. It sounded like they were actively risking their lives to help others. It was an admirable job.

“Heroes are awesome,” you seconded. You obviously meant what you said, despite having no memories to guide you.  

Izuku’s lips split into a grin. “Which hero is your favorite?”  

“Uh.”  

Balls. You were perfectly content to pile onto his enthusiasm, but you didn’t actually know any heroes by name. If you didn’t give him a convincing response though, he would realize you were just talking out your ass.  

Mercifully, the system came to your rescue.  

[“𝐒𝐚𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐌𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭. 𝐇𝐞’𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐨 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝, 𝐬𝐨 𝐡𝐞’𝐬 𝐚 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐭. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞’𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐦.”]

“A-All Might is really cool,” you stammered. “He’s just, um... awesome. I like him a lot.” 

It turned out that was the right answer, because Izuku’s grin widened tenfold. 

“I know, right!” he gushed. “He’s the most amazing hero out there! I’ve watched pretty much all the content there is on him, and I’ve got tons of his collectibles too! He really is incredible. The way he saves people with a smile, no matter what. He’s honestly my idol. I want to be just like him when I grow up! And—”  

Izuku stopped mid-sentence, a violent flush spreading across his freckled cheeks.  

“S-Sorry,” he said shamefully, looking away from you. “Sometimes I get a bit too excited when I talk about heroes, especially if it’s All Might. I bored you, didn’t I?”

You smiled encouragingly. “It wasn’t boring at all. I think it’s good to be passionate about things. Heroes do amazing work by keeping people safe, so why wouldn’t you be excited to talk about them?”  

“Oh. I guess that’s true. It’s just that most people can’t be bothered to listen.”  

Izuku’s smile slowly returned, and you heard a familiar ping.  

[𝐌𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐲𝐚 𝐈𝐳𝐮𝐤𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧.]

[+𝟏𝟎 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐬.]

Wow. This is going really well.  

You tried not to feel too guilty. The system aside, you were enjoying your time with him. The things you were saying weren’t shallow or purely motivated by personal interest. You didn’t have any memories, and you were terribly alone and afraid. You would be elated to have a friend to stand by you amidst all of this.  

“If I’m being honest,” Izuku continued, looking a bit more hesitant now, “I really want to become a hero myself. It’s an ambitious goal, though. I know it won’t be easy. I'm worried it might not even be possible, actually.”  

You frowned. “Why is that?”  

“Because, I... I don’t have a Quirk.”  

Once he uttered the words, he looked over at you fearfully, as if he was worried that you might react with complete disgust. Naturally, you had no intention of doing that, and technically speaking, you didn’t have a Quirk either. The system’s powers were apparently completely different from the rest. In that sense, you and Izuku were alike.  

The system had told you that heroes used their Quirks to protect the public, but that didn’t mean that you needed a Quirk in order to save others. The definition of a hero, from what you knew, was someone who was admired for their bravery and self-sacrifice. You didn’t necessarily need outlandish powers to be worthy of that admiration.  

“A person doesn’t need a Quirk to be a hero,” you said, and you fully believed those words. “I think it has more to do with what kind of person you are. How much you care for others and want to help them. If becoming a hero is something you really want, and it means enough to you that you’ll work hard to achieve it, then there’s no reason you can’t be one. That’s my take on it, at least.”

You worried that you’d come across as a bit insensitive. It sounded like most people had Quirks, so Izuku had probably felt like an outsider for a very long time. But you still held true to your words. Your gut was telling you that he had what it took to become a hero. Perhaps it was a bit baseless, but you felt very sure of this fact.  

Izuku had been silent for a while, but out of nowhere, tears welled up in his eyes. 

Shit! 

“Don’t cry!” you spluttered. “I’m sorry, uh... I wasn’t trying to upset you! I shouldn’t have spoken like I knew everything about you when we’ve only just met—” 

“No,” Izuku sniffled, wiping his tears away. “Please don’t apologize. I was just happy. No one’s ever said that to me before. Not even my own mom told me I could become a hero after I found out I was Quirkless. I was just overwhelmed by emotion. I-I've been told I cry a lot, so don’t worry. Your words made me incredibly happy. Thank you so much, [Name].”  

He proceeded to smile through his tears, and it was so genuine that your heart throbbed in your chest.  

[𝐌𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐲𝐚 𝐈𝐳𝐮𝐤𝐮 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮.]

[+𝟒𝟎 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐬.]

[𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬: 𝟏𝟎𝟎/𝟏𝟎𝟎]

Holy cow! That was a lot of points. And I just maxed them out. Did I do it? There’s no way it was that easy, right?  

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐒 𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄:  

[𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐮𝐩! 𝐌𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐲𝐚 𝐈𝐳𝐮𝐤𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧 “𝐚𝐜𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞” 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 “𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝”. 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝.] 

[𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬: 𝟎/𝟐𝟎𝟎]

Ah. That made sense. The system said the end goal was for your targets to fall in love with you, but that obviously couldn’t just happen in the blink of an eye. You would have to gradually develop your relationships and advance bit by bit. It was still a relatively fast progression, though. You imagined this was only the case because Izuku was such a nice person. Getting someone like Katsuki to become your friend would be infinitely more challenging.  

You decided to test that the system’s analysis was actually correct and leaned closer to Izuku, smiling gently.  

“There’s no need to thank me. I just said what I was honestly thinking. Anyways, this might seem a bit forward, but... would you like to be my friend? We could maybe exchange numbers and keep in touch. Only if you want to, of course.”  

Izuku was as red as ever, but nodded eagerly. “Yeah! I’d love that! Um, I-I mean... yes, please,” he chuckled sheepishly.  

It seemed like the system was pretty spot on. You supposed for the most part, you could trust that its status updates were accurate. There was another problem, though.  

You didn’t actually have a phone.  

[“𝐈 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬, 𝐬𝐨 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐩 𝐩𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐥 𝐭𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐭. 𝐔𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫.”]

Izuku was waiting patiently with his phone in hand, so you felt pretty silly pulling out a pencil and piece of paper, but for now, it would have to do. 

“My phone broke recently,” you decided on. “I’ll just write down your number and add you once I get a new one.”  

“Okay!”  

Just like that, you’d officially gotten your first phone number since waking up without any memories. You had a friend now. Even though there was next to nothing you knew about yourself, this small fact comforted you a great deal.  

You carefully tucked the paper with Izuku’s number on it back into your wallet, making a mental note to buy a phone as soon as possible.

You and Izuku stayed a while longer to chat. He gushed more about different heroes he liked, and apparently, he was so dedicated about his dream of becoming a hero that he kept various notebooks with detailed notes on hero analysis. He promised to show you the next time you met up, to which you nodded eagerly.  

You were having so much fun that time passed faster than you realized. Ultimately, your stomach grumbling was what brought you back to reality. You hadn’t had a bite to eat in nearly a full day, and you were starting to get lightheaded.  

“I have a few things to finish doing, so I should probably leave now,” you said, even though you honestly would’ve liked to stick around longer.  

Izuku looked a bit dejected too, but he realized this wasn’t the last time the two of you would meet. “Thank you for staying with me,” he smiled. “I had a lot of fun. I-I hope it was fun for you too.”  

“It was! I feel really at ease around you,” you grinned. “I can tell we’re going to be great friends.”  

Izuku blushed again. “T-Thank you for saying that. I feel the same way. Um... make sure to message me once you get your new phone so that I can add you to my contacts, okay?”  

“Of course. You’ll be the very first person I add to my list.”  

He seemed pleased with your response, and you eventually waved each other off. Despite Katsuki getting mad at you earlier, all in all, the day was going really well.  

Now, then. It was time to finish up your run and get some damn food, otherwise you were seriously going to collapse.  

[𝐃𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐝! 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐚 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐲 𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰.]

“A pillow, huh?” you sighed. You supposed you shouldn’t have expected much, considering how simple the task was. Oh, well. It was better than nothing. At least you had something to rest your head on while you slept on your futon.  

After finishing your daily task, you gorged yourself on some fast food. You didn’t have the patience to sit down at a restaurant and wait for a full meal, but it did a good job of filling you up. You felt a lot better now. 

You had a lot of errands to attend to, so you would have to hit up the mall soon. You definitely needed new clothes alongside a phone, since you only had the one outfit you’d woken up in. You took a shower and threw your clothes in the washing machine once you got back home, and it was tedious, to say the least. Especially since you were now completely naked apart from the covers of the futon you were curled up in while you waited for your clothes to be ready.  

There wasn’t anything for you to really do in your painfully empty house, so you just laid down and stared up at the ceiling.

[“𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞’𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧’𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐞𝐭. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐬. 𝐈’𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮.”]

[𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐮𝐩 𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐌𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐲𝐚 𝐈𝐳𝐮𝐤𝐮: 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞 (𝟏) 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭.]

You scratched your head. “What’s a skill point?”  

[“𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐯𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬, 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲. 𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐐𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐤, 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭.”] 

“Why would I need to fight?”  

[“𝐘𝐨𝐮’𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲. 𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞, 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐞. 𝐒𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐞 𝐨𝐛𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬, 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐢𝐧. 𝐎𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧 𝐚 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭, 𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝. 𝐀𝐥𝐬𝐨, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐭. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦.”]

Once again, you had plenty of questions, but no concrete answers. Oh, well. Becoming stronger wasn’t a bad thing by any means. Especially if there were villains with powerful Quirks looking to cause trouble. There was certainly no harm in being able to protect yourself.  

Based on what the screen displayed, the options you could choose from were strength, agility, and vitality. They all seemed pretty self-explanatory, and you figured you would benefit the most from having a bit more power.  

[𝐀𝐝𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞 (𝟏) 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡?]

>>[𝐘𝐄𝐒]

Once you confirmed your selection, a strange light surrounded your body. It was just for an instant, but you felt different somehow. You really did get stronger, even if only a little. 

“Cool,” you said, bringing the covers closer to your chest. “It’s nice to know that I can get stronger over time. Right now though, I just really want some clothes. It isn’t fun just laying around while naked. I’m starting to freeze my butt off. Also... you can see me, can’t you?”

[“𝐈’𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐚 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧, 𝐬𝐨 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐝𝐮𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭. 𝐘𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐧𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭, 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭. 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬.”] 

“Why are you making me sound like I’m some kind of nudist? Jeez.”  

You let your head rest on the pillow you’d just gotten. It definitely was comfy, you had to give credit where it was due.  

All in all, a lot had happened today, but you were slowly making strides. Now that Izuku was your friend, you weren’t completely alone anymore. And hopefully soon, your memories would return. You wanted to remember.  

Even if you didn’t like what you saw.

[𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐞]’𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐯𝐞:  

>> 

Power: 2/6 D  

Speed: 1/6 E  

Technique: 1/6 E  

Intelligence: 3/6 C  

Cooperativeness: 5/6 A  

Confusion: 100/6 S+  

>>  

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐒:  

𝐌𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐲𝐚 𝐈𝐳𝐮𝐤𝐮 (𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝): 𝟎/𝟐𝟎𝟎 

𝐁𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐠𝐨𝐮 𝐊𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢 (𝐚𝐜𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞):

(Additional entries in progress...)  

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[autistichalsin]

I'm writing this letter to my parents and posting it here because I'm never going to send it to them. And I want to post it somewhere.

Dear mom and dad:

For so long I've told myself, with most of what you did (minus mom actively abusing me for years when she was drinking) that you did your best. And honestly, I do still think that was true. But I also deserve the right to say: your best wasn't fucking good enough. Not by a mile.

Mom, you physically, emotionally, and otherwise abused us for years. You used everything as an excuse. Drinking. Trauma. Me reminding you of dad who you were pissed at for starting an emotional affair. But I guess me undergoing trauma through you was never an 'excuse' to talk about it since you always screamed at me for talking about it with anyone outside the house since that was 'private family business'. Bullshit, you just didn't want anyone to know what a bad parent you were. Dad, you let this happen. I know she was abusing you even worse than me. How many fucking times did I watch her hit you? But you know what? You still had a responsibility to protect us from her and you never fucking did. Not once. The best I ever got was you giving me permission to leave the house all day when she was hungover and screaming at me. Fucking thanks a LOT, dad. If you couldn't stand up to her when she was doing that shit to us/me, you could have at least had the decency to divorce her. "But I'm scared if I divorce her she'll drink herself to death" well great, thanks for deciding for me that I can and should endure abuse to save her from her own choices. That definitely didn't create any kind of complex in me or give me severe problems asserting boundaries because I then started to feel like if anything happened after I cut an abusive person out of my life, it would be my fault. Nope. No issues with that. Thanks a fucking lot.

Thanks, mom, for never teaching me (and my siblings) ANY life skills, not cooking, not doing laundry, not driving, because you "wanted me to need you so I would never leave" and thanks a fucking lot, dad, for not stepping in, saying "no that's fucked" and teaching us anyway. Really great parenting. Instead of disagreeing with your partner's shitty parenting decisions, just cosign them and go "well she's my wife". Do you feel no shame at all at the fact that none of your kids learned how to cook until they moved out (and the one still left with you is in his mid 20s and doesn't know how)? How does that not fucking mortify you? Your kids didn't know how to do more than nuke a burrito and that fucking means nothing to you?

Thanks a lot, mom, for repeatedly accusing me and dad of incest when you were drinking, because I was closer to him than you. And then, years after getting sober, hitting me with "I'm sorry, I never had a dad growing up so I didn't know how to deal with you having a good relationship with him" LITERALLY FUCK OFF SO HARD are you literally fucking telling me you had kids and anticipated we would only have a relationship with you and not him? Actually don't answer that, I know for a fact you did because guess what, grandma fucking told me you were jealous of dad doting on me as a literal fucking baby because you felt like it was a sign he loved me more. YEAH MOM, he is going to love the new baby more than you, actually! That is what parents are supposed to do when they think the universe doesn't fucking revolve around them! Also, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH for screaming at me every time I did literally anything with him that didn't involve you, guilt tripping me about "loving him more than you". First of all, that wasn't how it worked back then, but second of all, YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR made it so that yeah, I fucking do love him more than you now. You know why, mom? Because he never said that he wished he could kill me. Or how about the time you got mad that one year we had money around my birthday and he got me Elton John tickets, and you screamed at him for not getting them for your birthday next month instead (even though you'd already been) and decided the best fucking reaction to that was to HIT HIM while I watched? Not only fucking abusing your husband in front of your kids, but making your kid, you know, internalize a message that they should try to be as invisible as possible at all times but especially on their birthday so that people they loved wouldn't get abused for it, seeing as that was the SECOND TIME you abused that man over his birthday present for me? But no, it's fucking all about you feeling like he loved his kids more (WHICH HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO) so fuck me, I guess. Fuck you.

And you know what, mom? While you were wailing that you were so victimized by him and I being close, you sure went out of your way to show favoritism to my fucking sister. Never missing a single one of her music performances but stopping going to mine after she quit. Missing EVERY SINGLE ONE OF my track meets. Yeah, I finished in last place in all of them, but I fucking loved doing it and wanted to fucking share it with you. Big fucking mistake. You got her a cello and private lessons with money we didn't have. You got the entire family to pitch in and help send her on a school trip, then the next year when I was old enough, you told them all I only played to be like her so that they wouldn't help so I wouldn't get to go on the trip. When I said I was hurt you missed my meets, you expressed bafflement that "I've heard of people in their 40s getting mad at their parents for that, but I never heard of anyone complaining while they were still young." When I told you about your fucking golden child sexually assaulting me, AFTER sexually assaulting my younger brother, telling you how she LICKED MY FUCKING NECK, you laughed and said "to be fair, I fantasized about your neck too." What the actual fuck is wrong with you? Do you actually think sexual abuse is funny when your golden child does it, or did you just want ME to think it was a joke so she wouldn't face any consequences for it? How about the fact that when the fact that she fucking RAPED my little brother, the son you were SUPPOSED to be able to pretend to give a shit about, you said that it didn't happen and I put lies in his head so his therapist would diagnose him with PTSD, implying I traumatized my OWN BROTHER just to get revenge on your golden child? How about the fact that you screamed at me for getting other family members to bring him to the police (where he was then laughed out of the station, which you obviously cared not at all about) but not doing the same when your BIL assaulted you, screaming at me that it was my fault that charges weren't pressed against him, when you were a GROWN WOMAN who could have filed the charges yourself, making me feel like it was MY FAULT that happened to you, and then trying to walk it back? Playing like you were some fucking paragon of responsibility and kindness for LATER coming back to me and saying it wasn't my fault? Too fucking late, mom. Thanks, though, for the decade of self loathing.

How about the fact that both of you decided you were "done" parenting when I was 15? My little brother was fucking 11 and he still needed you. Do you not feel even the tiniest bit bad that three of your four kids dropped out of high school? And the only one who finished- ME- still had to repeat a year? And that you promised me that if I finished this online program, because you were SO DESPERATE to see one of your four kids get a diploma (and had already written off my little brother instead of getting him fucking help, fucking fantastic job on that one) that we would go to the graduation ceremony on the other side of the state, then didn't because you blew all the money we had on cigarettes, alcohol for mom, and scratchy lotteries for dad? Remember how after that, you still tried to talk me into putting on my cap and gown and taking pictures at the park so that you would have pictures? (To your credit, you didn't push it when I said HELL FUCKING NO. Granted, I also didn't tell you the full truth that it was sheerly out of spite, because if I didn't get a graduation, no way in hell did you deserve pictures of an event that didn't happen.)

Hey, how about that one??? How about the fact that you fucking normalized addiction for me all my life, so that after watching you guys blow all our money on that shit, to the point we LOST OUR FUCKING HOUSE (yeah, real convenient to blame the 2008 recession when the foreclosure happened in 2010!) and after so many nights once I turned 18 when mom would drink and dad would bring me to the casino for a fucking break, how about the fact that I started struggling with it too? And then after I once lost my entire paycheck gambling, I came to you saying I'd realized I struggled with it too and entered GA and talked to my counselor about it so it would never happen again (and in fact while I have relapsed on gambling I have never blown more than $30 in a gambling binge since that day), and then you proceeded to FORGET it, and when I came home to visit you REPEATEDLY suggested going to casinos? I don't even use COOKING WINE when I visit because I care so much about mom's sobriety, but you can't fucking REMEMBER that I struggle with gambling long enough to not do that? I CALLED YOU AFTER THE SUPER BOWL saying that I was buying myself an imported plushie from Japan as my reward to myself for not relapsing, and you still can't be bothered to remember? But you sure as fuck remember my sister doesn't drink!

Oh, and speaking of you guys always fucking forgetting that I am hurt-able just as much as you are and am in fact my own person and NOT your fucking fixer! How about the fact that you repeatedly act surprised EVERY TIME I tell you I have anxiety? "YOU have anxiety?" YES! AND YOU ARE THE REASON I FUCKING HAVE IT! How can you be surprised I have anxiety when I literally spent a week in the hospital as a teen because I was suicidal. Literally how can any of this be a surprise. Did you think it just fucking went away? No, all that happened is that I stopped talking to you about any of it. Especially the fucking self-harm, on account of my sister starting to drink and do meth, and then starting to join you, mom, on terrorizing me. Did you forget the night she poured her beer on me, screamed at me that I was a 'faker' because she couldn't see me self-harm scars, and threw bits of meat at me because she wanted to upset me as a vegetarian? And the fact that you still let her stay with us after that? You must have been fucking thrilled to have a partner to fucking torment me with, mom. And then you both had the fucking nerve to mock me because I hid in my room all day and only come out for meals or for my classes at the community college. I was hiding FROM YOU, actually!!!

Speaking of addiction, how about you fucking smoking in the car constantly growing up, even despite me and my little brother being asthmatic. While constantly whining that the world is so hostile to smokers because we don't want to inhale your fucking poison. Thanks for the elevated risks of cancer from your secondhand smoke, really appreciate it.

Also, mom, fucking joke's on you! Remember those nights you'd fucking scream at me for not being girly enough? "Why don't you act like a real girl for once?" when I wouldn't start shaving my legs when I was going to take a swim class? "How can you be a girl if you don't do girly things, is it your long hair that makes you a girl?" Well fuck you, I'm not a girl. Eat my ass. I'm never telling you I'm not though. Even if I trusted you to be normal about trans people, I still remember how you fucking used my coming out as a lesbian to earn yourself brownie points online years after the fact. "My daughter told me she was gay, and I told her I already knew, and then she started to cry happy tears!" Bitch, I never once cried happy tears for you for any reason. What actually happened was that you and dad had a "cool, what do you want for dinner?" reaction, which I appreciated- BUT YOU FUCKING RUINED IT by trying to exaggerated it and then use it to get praise. So fuck you.

Also, hey, remember those times mom would throw me out of the house, often in the cold with no coat, and you, dad, would just let it happen? Fucking great times. Remember the times she threw things at me and you just said "leave the house as long as you can, I'll calm her down later"? Fucking wonderful. Thanks for the fucking support, dad, really.

Remember the times I'd take on your abuse, mom, to protect my younger brother? Remember the times I'd warn him to go hide and you'd scream at me for "interfering with your parenting"? And then you got mad when he started to see me more as a mom than you, and every time he had a discipline issue you'd yell at me to go deal with it because "you want to be his mom so bad, go be his mom" Remember the time I protected him, you screamed at me to leave, and then called up my grandma, told her I was attacking YOU and to call the cops (which she thankfully didn't do), kept the phone on while we were fighting so it would sound like I was the aggressor, pulled my hair, and fought so hard with me that it pulled my shirt off? This leading to my grandma labeling me a psychopath, threatening to say "what kind of person I really was" to the rest of the family, and leading me not to speak to her for years?

Remember when you, mom, heard me talking to my aunt making plans to move in with the in another state, and you wailing so hard that you were so sorry and you'd do better, only to stop the instant those plans were off the table?

Remember that time you, mom, walked in on me crying to my dad about shit you had pulled, and then glaring at me and saying "you're crying because I, what? Beat you?" before leaving?

Remember that time I had a UTI that wouldn't go away, requiring dad to bring me to urgent care twice in two weeks, and you, mom, screamed at me for "taking advantage of him"? Which led to me refusing to go to the doctor unless I absolutely had to because I was so afraid of people getting mad at me? And now you yell at me for never going to the doctor because while that shit rewired my entire brain chemistry, for you it was a fucking Tuesday?

Remember that time I was both really hungry and really tired after classes one day, so I asked my little brother to make me a sandwich, and then you, mom, screamed at me for acting like a "spoiled princess", making me feel like I am never allowed to ask anyone for anything no matter how small?

Remember when you both told us we could stay at home as long as we were either in college or working, and then when I announced my intentions to start working, you, mom, threatened to kick me out if I didn't do school, and then when I protested that I didn't want loan debt, snapped "everyone gets loan debt, suck it up" and then, after I started, laughed that you were never going to kick me out but you just wanted me to "get my life together"? Then later before I graduated with my two year degree tried to say it was because of you this was happening because you gave me that push? And then two days before graduation you had a crying fit in the kitchen because you were so devastated it wasn't my sister graduating?

Remember that time you, dad, were understandably upset and depressed after being abused by mom, but instead of getting therapy or divorcing her or literally anything, you decided to cry to me and then end the conversation by saying to ME, your CHILD, "if you had enough, you could kill yourself, but I'm stuck with her, you guys need me, I have no way out"?

Remember that time, mom, your best friend literally threatened to stop speaking to you if you kept treating me how you did, and rather than being a serious reality check for you, your takeaway was that I was "interfering with your friendships" and threatening that if I ever did that again, you'd find my best friend and tell her some of the bad things you think I had done?

Remember that time, mom, when I came to you upset about what my sister did to abuse my little brother, and you just snapped "you hurt him too!" and when I asked wtf you were on about, you said "you don't ever hug him!" when I was in fact refusing all physical contact from everyone but my toddler niece at that time due to the immense amounts of trauma you and everyone else in the family put me through? And rather than give me space to start feeling okay with it again, you encouraged my little brother to force me to hug him by blocking off the door to my room until I hugged him?

Remember how, mom, you admitted outright to trying to buy my sister's love? Remember how you arranged to have her meet some rescue guinea pigs in case she wanted one for her birthday, then when she got a snake instead, tried to cancel the meeting even though my birthday was very soon after, and it ended up being dad who said it was only fair I should be able to get one? Like could you make it any more obvious you'd fucking sell a kidney for her and would never do the same for me unless I had done something for you first? Could you make it any clearer that you just straight up can NOT stand to see me being any attention for two minutes of my life, even for birthdays or when I've achieved something huge, like, say, graduating with a Masters degree? But thanks for giving me lifelong issues with feeling selfish for asking even the tiniest bit, to the point that my therapist repeatedly had to tell me I wasn't selfish for wanting my family to fly out to see me graduate?

Speaking about graduations again, how about the fact that when I got my Bachelors degree, you, mom, yelled at me for wanting you there because flying would be too scary for you and my dad couldn't take enough time off of work to drive, and then when we realized COVID wasn't getting much better a year later and they were going to livestream the graduation, you yelled at me for saying that one of the few good things about COVID was that I could have you watching anyway, accusing me of "celebrating people dying so you could see it?"

How about the fact that you, mom lied about what happened, claiming that I flew my little brother out but never bothered to offer for you, when in fact I cried, begged, and offered to pay for the whole thing if that's what it took?

How about the fact that when I was presenting at an undergraduate research symposium for my major, you both said you weren't interested- not the issue, only some families watched the livestream anyway- but instead, you, mom, got mad when I later said I'd had my grandma watching, and denied you'd ever been invited? Because you only ever get mad when I include others in things you don't attend, either because you know it makes you look bad, or because you can't stand the thought that I could still enjoy celebrations without you?

How about the fact that you, mom, made me feel so guilty for trying to get you to come to my Masters degree graduation that I not only gave up entirely, but decided not to go myself? At least you, dad, had the decency to WANT to come and not make me out to be defective for thinking you should be there, even if you ultimately didn't fucking try hard enough to be there.

Remember the time, mom, right after I started college when you forced me to, when you demanded I use my student aid money to get you a bag of chips, and I said I couldn't because I didn't know how much books would cost yet, and then you yelled at me, and then I walked to the store and came back with the chips, and then you screamed at me that it wasn't about "the fucking Doritos" and then threw the bag at me and wouldn't touch them?

Remember that time, mom, when I introduced you via phone call to a girl I was seeing, and you immediately made the whole conversation about my sister, about how she was such a good person and you could tell this girl would really like her when they met? To the point that this girl finally texted me "I'M DATING YOU, NOT SAMMY'S SISTER! Why am I hearing all about your sister and not one thing about you, even an embarrassing story about you as a baby?" and left the phone call? And how you, dad, let it all happen, never once trying to stop her or redirect the conversation?

Remember, mom, when you needed dental surgery but couldn't afford it, so I took out a loan for you to get the surgery, and said my only ask was that you and dad pay it back on your own, and then you and dad only made TWO payments, I had to make the rest, and then when I stopped being able to afford it, you STILL didn't pay it, until the account got closed, my credit score took a hundred-point ding, and I got barred from ever having that line of credit again, meaning I can't use it for myself if I ever need a medical loan?

Remember ALL the fucking times all of you fucking used me as a therapist, and then when it was me, it was "YOU have anxiety?!" in the most shocked voice imaginable? I will say, it was nice of you to send a care package during that time my panic attacks were so bad I was having literally two a day for two months and I lost ten pounds, but you maybe... I don't know... could have like. Tried. To understand me as a person well enough to understand it was NO FUCKING SURPRISE I had anxiety, and "you're always the most put together of us all" is because THAT IS WHAT I HAD TO DO TO GET YOU THROUGH THIS FUCKING SHIT ALIVE, and I hid my emotions from all of you because they were only ever used to fucking hurt me! And even after that time things went right back to normal, as evidenced by your constant 'forgetting' what I told you about struggling with gambling.

I don't even know how to end this, to be honest. I'm fucking tired and well past the point of realizing that if I wasn't your kid, I wouldn't like you. In fact, if you were the parents of one of my friends instead and you treated them the way you treated me, I'd probably despise you and would do anything I could to help that friend leave. There's a reason my life got so much better when I left you guys and moved to the other side of the country. I still visit you a lot because, in spite of everything, I do fucking love you, and I know you're getting older and won't be around forever. But honestly, if it wasn't for me feeling so responsible for you, me feeling like your wellbeing was my responsibility... If it wasn't for all the issues I got growing up with you two where I felt, still feel, like my happiness is the least important thing and like anything bad that happens to this family is my fault by default, and like I'm a 'bad person' who 'mistreats' you any time I have boundaries and like I have some kind of duty to prove to you that I am better than drunk-mom thought I was by always taking care of the family issues to my own detriment... I would have cut contact years ago and never looked back. I barely talk to my older siblings. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to entirely cut out everyone but my little brother. Or at least brave enough to tell you guys you've been fucking awful family to me, and often bad people too.

Mom, you fucking loved to read the Giving Tree to us when we were little. I used to think it was a really sweet story about the sacrifices of love. And then I got older and realized... huh. Why is it only the tree who ever does anything for the boy? Why doesn't the boy ever water her or plant other trees by her to keep her company? Why does it only ever go one way? Why does the tree only have duties to the boy just like I only have things I owe to you and not the other way around? And shouldn't it worry you/me/us that the story ends with the tree reduced to a stump that will probably die in a few years? And then it started making even more sense why you still love the damn book and read it to your grandkids when they visit, and I'm fucking horrified at it. The longer time goes on the more I see "but we're a family" ONLY ever goes one way. It's never "but we're a family" when I need you. It's only "but we're a family" when you need me to give up more and more for you all.

I'm fucking tired. And I really was willing to keep on going like the stupid fucking tree when I thought you were changing for the better. When you, mom, gave up drinking, and when you, dad, stopped enabling her shit. We worked so fucking hard to restore the trust. And that was the first time you started like... letting me have boundaries and you guys apologized to me and admitted none of that was okay. You got into counseling and started working on yourselves. And then you stopped. And it's really starting to fucking show. For now, it's just mom starting all the same old shit again... but I know how this story ends and I know that sooner or later it's going to be you, dad, enabling mom again at my expense. And I feel like the biggest idiot for ever thinking things would be okay as long as mom stayed away from alcohol. There's a reason folks in recovery talk about "dry drunks" and other equivalents. Because drinking didn't make you, mom, a bad person, you already were and it just removed the inhibitions that made you pretend. And you can remove those inhibitions just as well without it. You won't tell me you wish me dead without a drink, no, but you'll use and abuse me just as much, you'll scapegoat me just as much, you'll favor my sister just as much.

I messaged my little brother during one of my visits last year that I was so put off by how I felt loved, how I felt shocked that I could ask for favors or whatever else and not be yelled at for it and actually have it done to boot... and just that quick you slid back into what you used to be.

I'm really tired of asking you for just... the littlest things, okay? Dad, you at least... will see me and care about me. Like... you fucked up before, but at least I can still say without hesitation that you love me, no matter how bad you did fuck up. You actually care when I tell you about my struggles with job hunting, and I actually believe you when you say you're proud of my accomplishments. But when mom acts actively maliciously, you just don't care, and never have cared enough to stop her. You let her do all those things to me before and after. And it will never be any different.

Isn't it ironic? Because for all mom fucking abused me all my life for her suspicion that you and I, dad, loved each other more than we loved her, you and I both know that's never been true. You fought for her, but neither of you ever would for me. You were okay with me moving across the country to escape, but you would never leave her to keep us- me- safe. Not that it would have been okay for her to treat me the way she did even if I was the one you loved more, but it was never true. You'd never let me treat her the way she treated me. Ever.

So what the fuck do I do now? I hate that fucking Giving Tree book but there are times where I just feel like I'm too tired to stop any of this. Why should I have to be the bad guy and be the one to say this is the end? Maybe that's why the tree ended up as a stump in that stupid fucking book. Maybe the tree was just too tired to tell that stupid fucking brat, no, you can buy some fucking apples at the grocery store like everybody else. And maybe the tree was fully aware that no one cared about it unless it had something to give the stupid fucking brat, too, so what was the point of leaving anything for itself if either way it was never going to be fucking appreciated?

... Whatever.

I guess you're okay with how things are, anyway, because you always have been, even when things were 100 times worse. And I mean, let's be honest, I was always the only one who wasn't okay with it, for obvious reasons. And that in turn led to me being scapegoated worse and hurt worse. Everyone else was willing to play happy family, and I wasn't because I was being hurt the worst, but that meant everyone else kept lashing out at me worse because I was the one making a fuss and trying to tell family secrets outside the family and shit like that. So what does it matter anyway? It's always the same whether any of you are drinking or not. I'm the only one who sees a problem, always, so that means I'm the real problem.

Whatever. If you guys are happy with broken things, even when you started fixing them and saw how good things could be, I guess I can go back to pretending to be okay with broken shit too. I at least have a best friend, who is more my sister than the one who shares my DNA, who sees that I deserve more than broken shit, and maybe if I'm lucky one day I'll have a partner or someone who sees it too. And maybe if I keep doing things to fix my broken things, like therapy, maybe you guys will decide you want to start fixing things again too. Because despite everything you've done, I think you deserve better than broken shit too. I think you deserve better than just being passive aggressive with each other when you have problems, which inevitably grows into you yelling at each other. I think you deserve a happier and more stable marriage than that. I think you deserve to have hobbies and friends and things that get you to leave the house sometimes for things besides work and grocery shopping. Dad, I know you used to be a social butterfly and loved doing your sports leagues until mom forbade you from leaving her. You're a little too old for a lot of sports anymore, but maybe you could still find something to do. There's senior centers around you could maybe do stuff at. I think you deserve better than what you do to yourselves just as much as I deserve better than what you've done to me too. But I also know as well as you do that fixing things takes energy and sometimes it's easier to live with the broken things than it is to fix them. So I get it, too.

But I wish you would go back to how it was the last few years where I didn't get broke worse by talking to you. I miss the things you'd tell me you learned from your therapists. I miss hearing you catching yourselves when you'd do something like violate a boundary. I miss you realizing that some of the stuff you put me and my siblings through wasn't okay. I miss the Twitter posts you used to make, mom, about how you know it's kind of too late to not perpetrate the cycle that you went through with your stepdad, but that you're still going to try to fix it. I miss that side of you. The side of you that at least tried to be better than what you were when you were drinking. Now I think you've given up, I guess because of the health issues making you too tired to fight anymore, I don't know.

I'll be here as long as I can, I guess. Maybe you'll figure it out or maybe you won't or maybe things will go right back to how they were when I first moved out, with mom calling me every night to scream at me and dad just giving a milquetoast "I'd better go make sure she doesn't hurt herself, have a good night, love you sweetie." I guess that's up to you. But I can't promise you I'll be able to sit here forever. I was a teenager then, but now I'm an adult with a graduate degree, and I think I'm ready to start looking for a partner and maybe start a family one day, and I won't always have the energy or time to do the stuff I do for you now. Or who knows, maybe I'll be the fucking stump tree at the end of that stupid fucking Giving Tree book because I'm too tired and too scared to ever properly stand up to you. I guess that part is up to me, just like the rest is up to you.

I'm tired. I miss what we had the last few years. Please don't give up on that. I miss feeling like I actually have two parents who love me.

[evita-shelby]

The Ghost of New Year's Past

Or Polly decided to pop in and now its about Tommy & Diane(oc child) & ghost!Polly who has unfinished business.

Cw: Tommy’s canon depression and guilt over Polly’s death and baby's first contact with the dead(applies to both Tom and Diane)

Could be read as witch!Reader being Tommy’s wife or Eva since no name is mentioned.

He can’t bring himself to drink anymore.

He died that night on the field because in his heart he knew Polly had died because of him.

He sees her and hears her amongst his family as they celebrate the new year and Tommy leaves before it becomes too much.

Tommy has no idea where he is going when he passes by the children’s rooms and hears his eldest daughter, Diane, whispering to someone.

The children had been allowed to stay as late as they wanted but most had already been put to bed by now. In fact he’d personally tucked his little witch into her pink bed and kissed her goodnight hours ago.

“Can I tell daddy you’re here?” the little girl asks as her excitement has her talking just loud enough for him to hear her as he stops at her door.

Tommy cannot guess who would be here with Di, but none of them would be a good idea even if they were harmless little girls. Allie Solomons, Bianca Sabini, Janey Dogs, the little Gold girl who hates him for Aberama’s death, that friend of hers from school, the list goes on as Diane is ---unfortunately--- everyone’s friend.

“Di, sweetheart, I thought you said you were tired.” He comes in to find her sitting on her little table alone with biscuits and cake that she’d somehow gotten downstairs. He knew it was a bad idea to let her learn ballet, now the little witch moved as silently as she got up to mischief.

A trait she inherited from both him and his wife.

There is flash of light ivory satin on the bed in the corner of his eye, perhaps a dress or shawl Diane had taken out to play, but the room is otherwise empty.

“I was, but Aunt Polly came in and I asked her to stay.” The little girl with blue and brown eyes smiles widely and looks at the bed and he follows her line of sight. “She says she can’t have cake and biscuits because ghosts don’t need food like we do.”

“Hello, Thomas, did you miss me?” the ghost of his aunt sits there on the pink bed in the French dress his grandma stole, smoking a cigarette as if nothing had changed.

As if he hadn’t killed her and Barney and Aberama a year ago today.

“How?” he asks doing his best not to panic but feeling every hair on the back of neck rise in fear.

“Hmm, even with a witch for a wife you still do not believe we have magic in our blood.” Polly smiles and gestures him to sit on the bed.

“See I told you he wouldn’t believe it even if he saw me.” She turned to his daughter who tries to calm him with her small doll like hand in his.

“It’s okay, daddy, it’s just Aunt Polly.”

He can’t speak, his tongue feels heavy in his mouth and his head spins. Tommy has never fainted in his life and now he tries to hold into something as he feels light-headed.

“And your dear old mummy thought none of you inherited her gifts.” The ghost woman chuckled but refused to touch him.

“How?” he asks again as he shut his eyes and hears Diane leave him alone here with whatever Polly is now.

“Our magical blood allows me to visit those with our gifts and sweet little Di is the most magical of all.” His aunt, his second closest confidant explained. “and I cannot ascend as I have unfinished business, dear nephew of mine.”

“What do you need to pass on?” he asks thinking perhaps if he helps her pass over to the other side he will have peace.

“I need you to swear you won’t kill my son. Even if my Michael believes you killed me, I need you to show him mercy and kill the fucking people who did.”

But that includes me, Pol, he wants to say.

“That is the guilt speaking, Tom. You didn’t kill us, or me least of all. Swing just knows how to get under your skin.” She reads minds now, but Polly always knew him better than he knew himself. “So, Thomas Shelby, do I have your word?”

“Will you never come back if he says yes?” Diane asked with a quivering lip from the door, she’d not left as he thought she did.

“No, sweetheart, I can’t leave until the bad people are gone. And when I go to heaven I will come every All Soul's Day.” The ghost answered softly and the girl calmed down long enough to rejoin them on her bed.

“So, Thomas Shelby, do you promise to do as I asked?” she turned to him again, a bit sterner somewhat impatient as they hear Arthur and John coming up with John’s children.

“Yes, Pol, you have my word.”

[stargazer-sims]

Journal Entry #7

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Yuri

Hello. Yuri here.

This feels very strange, sitting in front of my phone and talking in an otherwise empty room as if I’ve got an audience. Or perhaps I do have an audience. Two or three of you? Ten? Forgive me. I’ve never done anything like this before and I haven’t the first notion about how I’m meant to start.

You haven’t seen anything from me up to now because this isn’t technically my journal. It’s Victor’s, although when he made it, he gave me the password and said we could both use it to record our thoughts. So far, Victor’s been using it to give a running commentary on his travels.

As for me, I didn’t feel I had anything significant to add. My life’s not all that interesting most of the time. Nothing exciting or unusual ever happened to me until Victor came along. He makes it... unpredictable.

All right. Given this is the first time you’re seeing me, I suppose I ought to begin with an introduction, hadn’t I? I know Victor has already told you a bit about me, but regardless, allow me to do an introduction like his.

My name is Yuri Okamoto. I’m 24 years old, and my birthday is the twentieth of September. My favourite colours are yellow and pink, and I like writing, reading, doing cross-stitch, playing video games and snowboarding. I’ve been playing the violin since I was five, and I’m quite good at it, even if I say so myself.

Unlike Victor, I’m not an only child. I’m the oldest in my family and I’ve got two younger sisters; Hana who is twenty and Shirayuki who’ll be ten in September. Our parents are Kenji and Rei, and they’re both businesspeople. Papa is the CEO of Okamoto Electronics, a company that was started by my great-grandfather and which my grandfather Akira still partially controls. Mama is currently the Vice-President of Human Resources.

One thing you’ll get to learn about Matsumori Town is that it’s an extremely affluent place. My parents aren’t the only business executives who live here, and aside from some of the powerful people in the business and technology world, we’ve also got actors, at least one filmmaker and plenty of athletes. Also, the infamous Hideaway – the home of the J-pop idol group Sugar Valentine – is here.

Do you want to hear a fun fact? I actually went to high school with the leader of Sugar Valentine, Ryuusei Yoshida. We attended a private all-boys school here in town. It was very exclusive.

‘Exclusive’ is hardly the way I’d describe my current lifestyle, though. I’m not rich at all, a state which I can attribute to the less than stellar relationship I have with my father.

Currently, I work for a Kyoto-based publc relations and communications firm called FutureBright Communications. My job is to write press releases, official correspondence, social media communications and other promotional materials for the clients assigned to me. I’ve been doing this job for nearly four years now, and I like it a lot. I’m good at it, and I can see myself staying in communications as a long-term career.

One of the advantages of my job is that I usually work from home. This suits me perfectly because I can work in my pyjamas if I want to, and nobody can say anything about it. I’d probably wear pyjamas most of the time if I could get away with it, honestly. They’re so cozy and comfortable. I like to be as comfortable as possible at all times, but most especially when I’m not feeling well, which is unfortunately way more often than I’d prefer.

In any case, I expect that’s enough information about me for now. I should tell you why I decided this was the time for me to take my turn at adding something to what I guess you can now call mine and Victor’s shared journal. It’s not a complicated reason. What it really comes down to is that I’ve had a trying day and I need an outlet, and conveniently, here one is.

Victor is on Kainani Island at the moment, and if you’ve been following him, you know he’s had a scary misadventure. Yes, I fully acknowledge that’s an enormous understatement, but just hearing about it from him was terrifying for me, and I don’t want to say much more on that specific subject.

Somehow, I managed to keep my composure while I’d been talking with Victor on the phone tonight. Before he and I were together, I used to think I wasn’t very good in a crisis, but I’ve learned a thing or two about myself since then. Of the two of us, the one who’s really not good in a crisis is Victor, and I’ve sometimes needed to find a hidden reserve of calm inside myself to get us through whatever it is.

This is not to say that Victor doesn’t take care of me, nor is it to say that I handle everything flawlessly every time. I crack under pressure just like anyone else, but I’m also not the type to put my feelings on display. Victor is not like me in that regard. He cries a lot — shows all his emotions a lot — and his tears break something inside me every single time. It takes extraordinary willpower to hold myself together in times like that.

It’s after the worst of the storm has passed that I typically go to pieces, and I’m sorry to say that tonight wasn’t an exception. Once Victor and I said goodnight and ended our call, I’ll admit I let myself fall apart a little.

Oh... I should’ve mentioned that I’m recording this in Victor’s room. I’ve been sleeping in his room while he’s away because his bed smells like him and it’s comforting to me, but tonight it wasn’t a comfort at all. All it did was remind me of how empty it was without him in it.

Typically, if I wake up in the night for whatever reason, I come in here and crawl under the covers with him. He’s always willing to cuddle or do whatever I need, even if that happens to mean him getting up to bring me a hot water bottle to put on my stomach or to have a whispered conversation with me until I fall back to sleep. Sometimes all I need is a kiss on the forehead and a soft, “It’s okay, Yuri. I’ve got you.” I would’ve given almost anything to have that tonight.

After our call, I felt his absence more acutely than at any point since he’d left for Kainani, and I didn’t doubt he was missing me and his bed and our cozy little house too. I wanted desperately for him to come home to me, but I also knew that if I told him as much, he would return straight away without thinking about it, and then he might regret the opportunities he’d missed. As difficult as it may be. he needs to choose for himself, not for me.

There was no way I could go back to sleep after hangng up with Victor, as much as I knew I should. I didn’t want to be alone, but it was midnight and I couldn’t just show up on somebody’s doorstep. I’m sure Jinsei and Kimiko, our friends next door, would’ve let me in, but I couldn’t go over there in good conscience

I concluded that calling my family was also not a good option. My parents don’t like Victor and my father in particular disapproves of our relationship. He would’ve been wholly unsympathetic, as would my sister Hana. My youngest sister Yuki is too young to burden with my personal struggles.

Not Takahiro or Seiji either, even though there was a good chance they’d be up. Seiji and Taka are great friends and we’ve known each other for a long time, but I don’t know if they’d be equipped to help me. Seiji isn’t the most emotionally intelligent person. He’d probably laugh if he heard about what happened to Victor. All’s well that ends well, he’d say. But Seiji wouldn’t understand how lost and scared Victor was, how scared I’m sure he still is. Taka would be more likely to get it, but I think he thinks Victor is a minor superhero. I’m not certain either Victor or Taka would like to see the shine fade from that sentiment.

Victor is fragile and vulnerable in ways that he tries his best to hide from most people. Everyone thinks I’m the one who’s more likely to break, possibly because I’m frequently ill and I look so frail, but I’m far more resilient than I get credit for. I can deal with my share of stress, but Victor is too high-strung to cope with anything too overwhelming. His mother says he’s sensitive. I tend to agree.

It was then that the answer to the question of who I could talk to suddenly occurred to me.

Victor’s mother, I thought.

I love Victor’s mother and she loves me. She calls me her bonus son. We’ve never met in person, but Victor and I video chat with her often. Occasionally when Victor calls her, he puts his phone on speaker so I can join the conversation as well. Dr. Nelson and I have gotten to know each other fairly well since Victor came here to be with me.

I found Dr. Nelson’s number in my contacts and quickly dialled it. As the line was ringing, I was nervous because I couldn’t remember what time it was in Maple Grove. I didn’t want to wake Victor’s mother from a good night’s sleep any more than I’m sure Victor had wanted to awaken me earlier.

When she picked up and offered a cheerful, “Hello. Grace Nelson speaking,” I quietly let out the breath I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding. She seemed alert enough.

“Hello, Dr. Nelson,” I greeted her. “This is Yuri Okamoto.”

“Oh, of course!” she said brightly. “How are you, sweetheart? I hope my son is taking good care of you and not giving you too much trouble. And I’ve told you before, you can call me Grace.”

“Grace,” I repeated, feeling like I was breaking some kind of rule about respecting my elders, despite the fact that Dr. Nelson had literally just given me permission to use her given name. “You know Victor’s on Kainani Island, right?”

“Yes, I know,” she said. “He’s called me a few times since he’s been there. Having a great time, as far as I can tell.”

“Have you heard from him today?”

“No,” Dr. Nelson said. “Should I have heard from him today?”

“Well…” I began, and then didn’t know how to continue. How was I supposed to tell this sweet lady that her only son had nearly drowned while travelling alone in a foreign country? I felt a lump starting to form in my throat. “Ah, well… I would’ve expected him to call you.”

“Yuri, what’s wrong?” Dr. Nelson asked, concern creeping into her tone. “Are you all right?”

“Yes,” I said, although it wasn’t entirely true.

“Did something happen to Victor?”

“He’s okay,” I told her. Also not entirely true. “He was in a boating accident, but he’s not hurt, just a little shaken up.”

“As long as he’s not hurt, that’s the important thing,” she said. “But I know my son. My Victor is hardly ever just ‘a little shaken up’. I presume you were able to help him calm down?”

“I think so,” I replied. “He said he wanted to come home on the earliest flight he could get. I told him not to decide anything tonight, and to call me in the morning. He seemed okay with that.”

“He trusts you,” she said, and then softer, “I’m grateful he has you in his life. He needs someone like you to look after him.”

“I’m grateful to have him in my life. You know he looks after me too.”

“I know. That responsibility has matured him, but he’s still got a lot to learn.”

“Me too,” I confessed. “It’s hard, trying to be a proper adult. Trying to juggle everything and get it right. Sometimes I wish I could rely on my parents for help the way Victor can with you.”

“You can rely on me too if your parents are still being distant. You can call me any time if you need help or even if you just want to talk.”

“Thank you,” I said. “I…”

“Yuri? Sweetheart, are you absolutely certain you’re all right?”

I tried to take a deep breath and it came out sounding harsh and ragged. “I… I’m fine, Dr. Nelson. I’m tired, that’s all.”

Victor’s mother was silent for a moment, and I was starting to wonder if our connection had dropped, but then I heard her say. “I’ve decided. I’m coming there for a visit.”

“What?” I blurted. “Like… now?”

Obviously, the impulsiveness apple hadn’t dropped too far from the proverbial tree. I could clearly tell it was from Dr. Nelson that Victor must’ve gotten that trait. How else could she have gotten from ‘call me any time’ to ‘I’m coming to check on you’ in less than two minutes?

She sounded amused when she responded, “I’m not going to hop on a plane tomorrow, if that’s how you interpreted it. I’ll have to arrange a few things here first. I need to make sure Julian can manage the clinic schedule while I’m away, and I’ll have to talk Stephen into watching my dogs and watering my plants.”

She talked about these people as if I was well acquainted with them, when in actuality I’d never met them in my life. That’s how it is with Dr. Nelson. No one is a stranger to her, only a friend she hasn’t yet been introduced to, and she seems to take it for granted that everyone who’s a friend or family member of hers will all be friends with each other.

Fortunately, through the context of many online chats with her and Victor, I’ve become familiar enough with the names of people she’s in the closest and most important relationships with. Julian is her best friend and business partner. He may also be her lover, unless I miss my guess, but don’t tell Victor I said that. Stephen is Victor’s uncle, Dr. Nelson’s fraternal twin brother.

“That’s a lot,” I said.

“Yes, but it’s nothing Julian and I can’t handle between us. Don’t worry. Once Victor’s back home with you and the two of you have had a few days to settle in again, I’ll be there.”

“Okay,” I said weakly. There was no other correct response, since she probably wouldn’t have taken no for an answer anyway.

“I need to assure myself that you’re really fine,” she went on. “I’m worried about you, Yuri. And of course I’m always concerned about my son.”

“I understand.”

“All right.” she said. “I’ll let you know when I… Oh, just a minute. I’ve got another call coming in.” A moderate pause, and then. “It’s my boy. I’m going to take this. Now, promise me you’ll get lots of rest and take your medication, and eat food. Juice and instant noodles are not a proper meal. Remember. I love you. I’ll talk to you soon.”

With that, she hung up.

She’s just like Victor, I thought, and then wanted to laugh in spite of the circumstances. It’s likely more accurate to say Victor is just like his mother, but regardless, I considered how it was even possible for the world to contain two people with that much personal energy and well-meaning bossiness.

I flopped backwards onto the bed, unable to decide if I should be pleased or apprehensive about the fact that Victor’s mother had just invited herself to stay with us. Victor will be excited. He and his mom are close and I know he misses her. Her visit will be good for him, and if he’s happy, that’s enough for me.

But… ugh. Two sweet, loving and totally overwhelming people bossing me around and fussing over me, coaxing me to eat and softly scolding me for not getting enough rest might be too much.

Okay, if I’m being truthful, I don’t mind that Victor bosses me a little. I need that, because sometimes taking proper care of myself actually is hard, most notably when it comes to eating. Just the thought that something I eat might bother my treasonous digestive system often makes me feel anxious about putting anything into my mouth at all, but Victor is good at soothing my fear of any potential discomfort. He knows how to be firm without being too forceful or overbearing. Plus, he’s learned to cook a lot of things I can eat without causing me more than my normal amount of pain, and he does nearly all the cooking for us now, so that’s made a big difference.

But I don’t know if Dr. Nelson will be as gently insistent as Victor. I’ve got the feeling that she’ll be far more assertive and harder to refuse, that she’ll be like a benevolent yet inexorable force, not to be contradicted by any means. I do love her, but I’m worried that she might be better loved from afar.

Just thinking about her impending visit makes my stomach hurt.

Please, let us all get along and let everything go well.

[broken-glowsticks]

What Once Was Mine

Chapter 12 - Missing you

Genre: Childhood friends, Eventual Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Love corner/love triangle, love rivals, Series.

Not all chapters will be proofread!!

Warnings: 18+, mdni, mentions of sex and alcohol consumption, additional warnings will be added to individual chapters as needed.

Previous • Main • Next

It took hours before you fell into a fitful sleep only for the overly eager sun to wake you up way too soon for your liking. You had debated over calling in sick from work, but what would be the point? Felix had classes, and you knew damn well how busy Chan, Changbin, and Jisung were. You even, for a fleeting moment, thought about reaching out to Hyunjin but had ultimately decided against it. You truly couldn't bring yourself to bother anyone it seemed and thus dragged yourself from bed, resigning to your pitiful fate and jumping into a tolerably cold shower before dressing for what you knew was going to be a shitty day. And shitty it was. 

The moment you started your lunch break, you had escaped to your car, needing desperately to be out of that brick and mortar prison. It was only when you had managed to relax a bit that you pulled out your phone and noticed Changbin had sent you a few texts throughout the morning. 

❤️✨️My Dwaekki🐇🐽: Good morning, my pretty princess. I'm so sorry for not texting you until now. 

❤️✨️My Dwaekki🐇🐽: I wished you were next to me when I woke up. I miss you, Bunny. I hate not getting to see you.

❤️✨️My Dwaekki🐇🐽: I guess you're at work. Otherwise, you would have answered me? I asked Han, but he didn't know for sure. I guess neither of us has really had the time to see you, huh? I'm really sorry about that, Bunny.

❤️✨️My Dwaekki🐇🐽: Let me know the next time you're free. Let's go on a date. I left my princess alone when I said I'd spoil her, I swear I'll make it up. Any day, just say when.

You stared intently at his string of messages, trying not to let yourself get overly emotional. You had been so lonely these past few days, the only respite being those few genuinely platonic moments between you and Hyunjin right up until the almost-kiss and the day before with Felix. You didn't want to bother your swamped boyfriend with your melancholy feelings, doing your best to put on a smile for him, but yet here he was saying how he has been missing you too. Maybe he's been missing you just as much as you've been missing him, if not more. 

You stopped yourself before you made yourself any more sad and quickly pulled up your work schedule. Fuck it. It was Tuesday today, so you had decided you would ride out today and tomorrow and call in sick for the rest of the week. You missed your boyfriend, and he missed you, so you were going to see him - whatever it took. 

○●☆♡☆●○

My girl: Thursday to Sunday, I'm all yours. I'll take whatever you can give. I miss you, Binnie 💋

Changbin sat in his studio chair, eyes fixed on your text. It was the only reply you had sent, and yet it held so much weight. 

Thursday to Sunday. Four days, four full days that he knew you had set aside just for him. He knew your work hours well enough to know you must have made some kind of arrangements to get Thursday and Friday off, and you never worked weekends. 

Fuck, Changbin meant it when he told you to just say the word and he'd be there. He would do whatever it took to see you again, but the fact that you set aside four whole days just to “take whatever he can give” simultaneously almost broke his heart and made him fall even deeper into his still massive crush on you. 

“Has Y/N replied to you yet?” Jisung asked from his desk chair, his eyes still trained on the computer in front of him.

“Yeah, she did.”

“And…?” Chan asked from the couch on the other side of the small room, his gaze lifting from the screen of his laptop.

“How do you guys feel about me inviting her to the studio on Thursday?” 

“I'm amazed you didn't think of it before,” Han said with a slight chuckle.

“Of course she can come, just don't make out right in front of us,” Chan teased with a sincere smile, causing Changbin to laugh.

“No promises, boss.”

○●☆♡☆●○

You could feel your heart pounding as you waited in the lobby of a large building,  twiddling with the straps of your large bag. 3racha may own the studio space, but it still resided on only one floor of a massive mixed-use building. A building where you couldn't just freely enter without clearance. Which led to you waiting nervously in the lobby as the receptionist for the entire building phoned for one of the boys, needing confirmation that you were indeed an expected guest before she could give you a day pass. 

“Miss Y/N? I have confirmation, I just need your signature to validate your day pass.” 

“Yes, of course,” you replied, swiftly making your way to the front desk and scrawlling your signature onto the provided document before the receptionist led you behind her desk and up against a blue square so a photo could be taken and added to your day pass. You didn't look unkempt, but you were definitely feeling underdressed in your light sweater and shorts when you walked into the building's main lobby, and that feeling only doubled once your picture was taken. 

“Here you are, ma'am, the office you're looking for will be on floor three. Have a nice day.” 

With a small nod to the receptionist, you made your way to the closest elevator. You could feel yourself starting to get jittery with excitement as the elevator took you to the third floor. You didn't think you would get to see Changbin again so soon, not only that you were also going to see Jisung and Chan, too. You felt bad Felix couldn't join. It had been way too long since all of you were able to spend time together. 

The elevator stopped with a ding, causing you to jolt slightly. Quickly, you scrambled out of the metal box, expecting to instantly come across the boys' studio. Unfortunately for you, their studio wasn't the only room on this floor, and, for some god forsaken reason, none of the doors were marked with any kind of name plate. Who the hell designed this? Checking your phone, you noticed you had spotty cell signal at best and absolutely nothing at worst. Great, how were you supposed to find these guys? Go from door to door? The idea did not appeal to you.

You paced the hallway a few times before gently pressing your ear to each of the doors in hopes of hearing something - anything. Music, a familiar voice, hell even an unmistakably unfamiliar voice to help whittle down your choices and increase your chances of knocking on the right door. 

You groaned, now standing on the other end of the hall, right next to the elevator where you initially started, arms crossed and foot impatiently tapping on the carpeted floor. You really didn't want to do this, but your pride was wearing thin the longer you floundered around the building corridor. Bouncing your gaze about for a moment you finally chose a door to knock on, however as soon as you took a step towards your chosen door, the one on the complete opposite side of the hall opened and out came Changbin. 

“Bunny, there you are!” 

“Oh my god, Binnie!” You cried out, relieved you didn't have to sacrifice your dignity and excited to finally get to lay eyes on your boyfriend who you haven't gotten to see in some time. 

Before you knew it, you had run, full force, towards your boyfriend's growing smile, propelling yourself into his open arms. Changbins’ hold on you was tight as he spun you around, taking in your scent and your giggles as he set you down but didn't let you go. God had he missed you. Now that you were here, Changbin didn't want to go back into the studio. He just wanted to take you home and bury himself into his blankets with you pressed against him. He guessed just getting to hold you as tightly as he could in this quiet hallway would have to do.

“What took you so long? I was getting worried,” Changbin murmured into your hair.

“There are no name plates on these stupid doors,” you complained, pulling away to pout up at him. 

“Ah, you're right. I'm sorry, baby, I should have told you. It slipped my mind,” Changbin said gently, taking your face in one of his hands and stroking your jutted lip with his thumb. 

“You owe me a better apology than that, I almost went knocking from door to door to look for you,” you said, taking in Changbins’ messy curly hair, his round and wire framed glasses, and his comfy, sleeveless black shirt. He looked so adorable and completely irresistible. 

“Oh, really?” He chuckled in response, dipping down to bump his nose against yours, “I hope this is enough then, my princess.” Changbins lips were soft, and kissing him again felt like finally getting to breathe again. You didn't care that you were in an open hallway and that anybody could walk out at any moment and see you. Being without Changbin felt agonizing, and you were going to savor every second you could get. 

“Am I forgiven yet?” He asked against your lips and gave a breathy laugh that made your knees go weak when you refused him.

“More,” you demanded, arms wrapped around his neck and your fingers toying with the curls at the nape of his neck. 

“As you wish,” Changbin replied with a silly grin, a hand sliding down to rest on your ass. “Chan said I'm not allowed to make out with you in front of him, so I guess I'm just going to have to do it now before we go in. We might be out here a while.”

“They can wait. Right now, you're mine.” 

“Only yours,” Changbin replied before catching your lips in another kiss. 

○●☆♡☆●○

“Oh there you two are, I thought we were going to have to send out Search and Rescue to find you two,” Han quipped the moment you and Changbin walked into the studio. “They'd probably find you two smashing or something,” he added under his breath as he swiveled back to his computer. 

“And I thought it would be nice if I brought you guys snacks, but I guess my stupid roommate isn't gonna get any now after that last quip that I totally heard.��� 

“Wait, no, wait, I take that back. I want snacks,” Jisung said hastily, whirling around and reaching for your bag, which he presumed had the aforementioned snacks. 

“Say sorry first, you twerp!” You said, yanking the bag away from Jisungs hands. 

“NO!” Hisung cried, and before you knew it, he had lunged on you from his seat, causing you to falter, lose balance, and land on a black couch you didn't notice behind you. All you could register was the cackling laughter of Chan and Changbin as Jisung wrestled and tickled you for your bag of snacks. You weren't just taking it, though, twisting and jerking your body every which way you could to keep Jisung from getting your bag. 

“Are either of you going to help?!” You shouted but were only met with more laughter. 

The two of you struggled for a few more minutes before Changbin decided to finally give you some aid. Wrapping his arms around Jisung, who had effectively crawled on top of your hunched figure, Changbin lifted his friends in the air and carried him back to his chair. 

“Alright, Han, leave my girlfriend alone.” 

“Hey, no fair, you were my friend first.”

“Boyfriend trumps friend when that friend is about to crush everyone's snacks,” Changbin said with a grin. Meanwhile, behind him, you had unfurled to stick your tongue out at Jisung, causing him to frown. 

“Fine, Traitor. I gotta get back to this beat anyway,” Jisung pouted, sliding a pair of headphones over his ears. 

“Aish, he's not gonna forgive me for taking your side,” Changbin said lightheartedly, settling next to you and slinging an arm over your shoulders. “Can I convince you to forgive him and give him some snacks?” 

You mulled the idea over for a moment before nodding, handing the bag to Changbin. 

“You give it to him,” you whispered, “pretend you swiped them from me. He loves stealing my food.”

“Okay,” he whispered back with a chuckle, pressing a quick kiss to your temple as he took the bag and rummaged through it to pick out one he thought Han would like the most. 

He waited a bit, waiting until you went and talked to Chan to sell the charade before he threw a snack at Hans head. Han swiveled his chair around, initially ready to fight whoever threw something at his head, only for his mouth to seal itself tightly and his eyes to widen when he saw Changbin with the bag. 

“Look down,” Changbin mouthed, pointing at the candy that lay on the floor behind Han and flashing a cute pose. 

Han smiled, his eyes darting to you before quickly snatching up the candy and mouthing a thank you to his friend. Just like that, all was forgiven between the two, and you tried your best not to let on that you and Chan were subtly watching by giggling. 

The day passed surprisingly quickly, filled with silly squabbles that were remedied as soon as they were sparked, jokes and razzing, Changbin acting cute, snacks being eaten, bouts of quiet as the boys busied themselves with work only for a stray groan to break the silence and start up short conversations again. It felt like a breath of fresh air, all of you being together again. The only thing missing was Felix. Maybe he could come over later after his classes? It doesn't seem like he would be in the way. After all, it's not as if any clients have come in all day. Why was that?

“We like to set aside days to work on personal projects or just hammer out details for ongoing projects with clients,” Chan explained, not once looking up from his laptop. "Also, some of our clients hired us to actually write the music as well as produce it, so that takes a lot of time as well.”

“Wow, no wonder you guys have been so busy. With all of that, you really have a lot on your plate.”

“Uhg, tell me about it,” Jisung groaned, slipping off his headphones and sliding down his seat. “I miss having free time.”

“I miss having you guys around,” you admit, tucking your legs into the oversized jacket Changbin lent you earlier 

Another silence settled between the four of you, and you regretted opening your mouth. However, the boys all felt sympathetically. They missed the group hanging out. It didn't feel right for three of the five of you to be constantly working, leaving the other two in the dust. While this uptick in business is great for 3racha's career, it’s not so great for their personal lives. 

The silence was abruptly broken by someone’s stomach growling. 

“I guess snacks aren't a good replacement for a good meal,” you chuckled, grabbing your bag and pulling out your wallet. “I'll go get us some food.” 

“Changbin, go with her,” Jisung said as soon as you had grabbed your wallet, surprising you both. 

“Don't you need him?”

“Oh god, don't start, just get out of here. I need a break from you two eye fucking each other from across the room,” Jisung said with feign annoyance, but when his eyes met Changbins’, Jisung gave him a wink and a thumbs up. Even after the official start of you two dating, Han was still by his friends side doing everything he could for you two. 

“Don't have to tell me twice,” Changbin grinned, snagging his wallet and yanking on the shoes he discarded about an hour or two after you arrived. 

“Everyone fine with pizza?” You asked, taking Changbins hand into yours and making your way to the door. 

“Bring Korean corn dogs too!” Chan called out before the door closed. You chuckled. Normally, you would complain about having to drive to two different places for food, but right now, that meant more alone time with your Binnie, and you were not going to say no to that. 

“You want me to put in the order for everything now?” Changbin asked as the elevator returned you to the lobby. You shook your head. 

“Let's wait until we get to the pizza place, I want as much time with you as possible,” 

Changbin simply replied with a giggle and a press of his lips to yours. You had a feeling you were going to get a lot of kisses before you made it back to the studio and, boy, how right you were. At every opportunity Changbin had himself wrapped around you, his lips trailing over every available glimpse of your skin, his hands running over everywhere else. The only time he wasn't all over you was when he stole your keys and drove you to his favorite pizza place, which, surprisingly, wasn't that far from the studio. 

Once he had paid for parking, the two of you made your way inside, and Changbin hugged you from behind, his arms wrapping comfortably around your middle as you decided on what pizza to get for everyone 

“Maybe a meat lovers’?” He suggested, placing his chin on your shoulder and swaying your bodies side to side, causing you to giggle.

“What about a Supreme? I think that has a little bit of something for everyone.” 

“Sure, just no olives,” Changbin murmured in reply, his nose nuzzling into your neck, tickling the skin. 

“Stop,” you giggled, trying to shrug away.

“No,” you promptly refused, walking the two of you up to the counter to order. Changbin only toned down the affection long enough for you to order once someone came to take your order. The second the worker made their way back to begin your order, Changbin immediately started up his assault on your skin, kissing and nipping at the skin. It tickled, but also you could feel your body heat rising in temperature, and you worried that at any moment someone would come out and see. 

“Binnie, stop, someone's gonna see.”

“Nobody's gonna see. This place only ever has a few workers. They won't come out until the pizza's done,” he said in attempts to reassure you, but you still weren't satisfied. “Fine,” he grumbled, his lips pressed right behind your ear. 

You assumed he was relenting that he was going to at least wait until the two of you were alone again. That's not what he was doing. Instead, he tightened his grip around your middle and lifted you to a row of seats that were lined up against a nearby wall. You couldn’t help but notice they were placed right next to a section of the wall that jutted out, creating an alcove where even if a worker were to walk out, they wouldn't be able to see anything but your legs from their vantage point. What a sneaky mother fucker your boyfriend was, especially considering that when he set you down he placed you directly next to the protruding section of the wall. 

“Think you're being sneaky?” You asked in a coy tone, your lip catching between your teeth as Changbin leaned forward, putting his hand on the protruding wall right next to your head. 

“I like to think I can be pretty sneaky when I want to be,” he teased back, his hooded eyes taking in the building color in your cheeks. “Still think someone's gonna see?” 

You said nothing, all your focus being pulled towards your boyfriend. 

Changbin chuckled, his free hand coming up to draw over your head the hood of his jacket that you were still wearing. You looked so cute in it. He might have to let you have it.

“What about now?” He breathed, slowly leaning in but not closing the gap. You didn't realize when your breathing had sped up, but you did realize the moment you suddenly didn't care if anyone saw. All you cared about was feeling Changbins' lips on yours.

Closing your eyes, you leaned in, slotting your lips over his. Changbin sighed into the kiss, he had been stealing kissing you since you had left the studio, but getting to sit down and properly take in the softness of your plush lips, the lingering sweetness of candy on your breath, the warmth of your skin. If only you weren't in public, he would have you in his arms, on his lap, his hands under your shirt. 

You seemed to have read his mind and liked the latter idea because slyly you hand rooted your hands into the hair at the nape of his neck, fisting his raven locks before one hand slid down the back of his neck and slipped under the fabric of his shirt. You were just as lost in him as he was with you. With one hand releasing your hood to caress your cheek, the other hand against the wall by your head, his body beginning to lean over her, all at once you were surrounded in everything that was Changbin. 

You were so lost that you didn't notice the bell of the front door ring as someone walked in. 

○●☆♡☆●○

Hyunjin sighed in relief as he carded a hand through his newly cropped hair. It had been quite a while since he allowed himself a change in his cut and color. He smiled at himself as he took in his reflection in a nearby window, his hair now short and a dark shade of burgundy. He was hesitant over the short length but was glad he went for it overall. It allowed a proper view of his new brow piercing he had gotten only a couple of days prior. Something about the new look made him feel like he matched the art he had been creating. 

With a rumbling tummy, Hyunjin had just one more stop to hit up before going home. Some time during his hair appointment, he had felt the sensation of hunger settling in and had placed an order for pizza from this spot he knew was nestled nearby. 

Opening the door, Hyunjin leisurely strolled in, initially missing the couple making out in the chairs nearby as he waved down a worker and told them he had ordered ahead. However, the second he noticed them, he very much wished he hadn't. 

‘Gross… Just because the staff can't see you doesn't mean I can't,’ he thought but soon had to check himself, he knew he would be doing the exact same thing with you were he in their place. 

The thought of you pulled Hyunjins mood down a bit. Particularly the thought of him kissing you. He had been doing everything in his power to not think of you in that way, especially since the almost-kiss that happened at his place only four days ago. But something about that night had brought every intimate and stolen moment to the forefront of his mind, and, suddenly, he was seeing you everywhere. 

Even now, Hyunjin was seeing you in the girl being kissed, hiding in what he presumed to be her boyfriend's hoodie. It was stupid, but Hyunjin wished for a moment that the girl really was you and that he was in the place of the curly haired guy. He wanted to be able to hide away with you one more time, to steal just a few more kisses and to hear more of your shy giggles. If only that guy could be him.

Damn. Was he really getting jealous of strangers right now? Wow, was he getting pathetic. It really didn't help that the girl's legs looked just like yours. 

The girl giggled again, and Hyunjin had to physically turn away. Now she was sounding like you, too. Where the hell was his pizza?

Before he could wave down a worker again, Hyunjins eyes darted over to the couple again entirely on their own. Why, he didn't know, all he knew was that when his eyes landed on the “random” couple, his heart cracked. It was you. You and the stupid boyfriend. Hyunjin wondered if you had even noticed that your hood had slipped off your head while you were… having fun. God of all the places, of all the pizza joints, why were you here? 

“Y/N?” Hyunjins wavering voice called out to you before he could stop himself, causing you to jolt away from Changbin in surprise.

You didn’t have to look. You knew it was Hyunjin. You knew his voice, having memorized every intonation of it over the years. You couldn't even look at him if you had wanted to. You were too embarrassed. Instead, you squirreled your face away into the crook of Changbins’ neck for protection.

“H-hi Hyunjin,” you squeaked out from your hiding spot. You felt silly hiding from Hyunjin. It's not as if you haven't done worse with him in public places. But at the same time, you also felt like jumping into the pizza oven to be burnt to a crisp. That way, you could avoid the inevitable awkward conversation that was about to come. What was he doing here? Why did he have to catch you kissing Changbin like this? Why did it matter to you so much if you and Hyunjin were just friends now?

“Hwang,” Changbin cut in with a nod of his head, partially in acknowledgment, partially to pull Hyunjins' attention from you. 

“Ah, yeah. Hi,” Hyunjin replied stiffly, returning Changbins nod with a curt one of his own but unable to meet the boyfriends eyes. He actually couldn't even bring himself to look at the guy at all. 

An awkward silence settled between the three of you, one only broken by a worker pulling Hyunjins attention. It was when you heard Hyunjin speaking to the restaurant worker about how long his food took and being given something extra as compensation that you were able to calm yourself enough to pull your face from Changbins’ neck. 

“Still flustered, bunny?” Changbin chuckled, resting back into his chair and pulling you against him with his strong arm. You had only managed to nod as you leaned against Changbins’ strong body, attempting to relax against him as your eyes finally landed on Hyunjin who was only a few feet away from you but felt so much further.

“You changed your hair,” you timidly spoke when Hyunjin finally had his food in hand, “when did that happen?” 

Hyunjin paused to look at you and your beet red face, and you couldn't help but notice the red rim to his glassy eyes. Maybe the pain was why he couldn't bring himself to answer you right away. How was he supposed to just talk to you with his heart still aching from watching you kiss someone else? Especially when you looked so comfortable snuggled against The Boyfriends’ side, wearing his hoodie? However, the more he stared at you with that unmistakably hurt gaze, the more unsettled you felt.

“Yo-you also pierced your eyebrow. It looks good on you,” you attempted again, a strained smile pulling at your features. Hyunjins face remained stoic as he continued to stare at you, the air growing stale between you. 

This time, it was the sound of Changbin clearing his throat that broke the silence, effectively pulling Hyunjin from his daze. Hyunjin blinked a few moments as if he were refocusing on what was in front of him before turning his gaze away, a hand coming up to scratch at his scalp.

“I just came from the salon, actually. The piercing was the day before yesterday. I was waiting until this weekend to show you. I was hoping I could steal some time to surprise you,” Hyunjin admitted in a hurry, as if trying to make up for the silence he instigated moments earlier. 

“Oh, uhm, I'm sorry the surprise got ruined,” you said a little lamely, reaching for Changbins hand as discreetly as possible and squeezing it tightly. Unfortunately, Hyunjin caught this action out of his peripheral vision.

“It's ok, not your fault. Uhm, I gotta go. I don't want my food to get cold,” he said curtly, dashing from the lobby before you could even say goodbye. 

“Wait, Hyunjin!” You cried, standing to chase after him but being stopped by the call of your name. The pizza was done, and Hyunjin was long gone. 

“Are you okay, Bunny?” Changbin asked as he came up beside you, food in one hand, the other resting comfortingly on your back. You tore your eyes from the door Hyunjin just left through to look at your boyfriend, unsure of how to respond to him.

---------------------------------------

So I tried taking a page out of Miyazaki and writing the more quiet moments, but that's hard to balance! They can easily come off as boring, especially in a strictly written medium. Personally, I think it's easier in a visual medium where you can see the characters being in the moment. I hope I could somewhat convey the concept of "ma" at least a little in this chapter.

Now, onto the story, Solars, come and get yo juice! Lmao, also I'm worried I made Hyunjin come off as a little bit of a twerp when that's not what intended. If that's the case, I'll roll with it, but idk, what do you guys think?

Taglist: @groovygroovyhyunjin @hhwangsmoon @luvyblossom @doggezz@kayleefriedchicken @hyunjinhoexxx @zadkielr @bincxtesworld

[sugaldean]

People say Aziraphale and Crowley are Taylor Swift coded.

Babe wake up they are ABBA. Every song fit them.

Okay so I planned to put 3 or 5 songs but I fell down a deep hole of Abba/Good Omens so yeah have this.

Spoilers for the season 2, even tho not every song is about it

SOS? Every lyrics is them

Angel eyes? I mean come on the title only and it's nothing compared to the chorus

Lay all your love on me? Crowley is the one who told them to write that, he needed a song to express what it felt (re)meeting Aziraphale in the garden

Waterloo? Crowley is a drama queen, they sing this from the bottom of their lungs

The name of the game? Aziraphale. Oblivious lovely Aziraphale (and you make me talk, and you make me feel, and you make me show what I'm trying to conceal?? Yeah my boy wrote that one)

WINNER TAKES FUCKING IT ALL??? Don't talk to me

Knowing me knowing you is the long version of "Nothing lasts forever" and I'm not okay

One of us? You know the scene in mamma mia? Yeah it happened. One hundred percent. Two dramatic bitches crying about how they are the one who's abandonned

Take a chance on me? Both of them. Oblivious Aziraphale and flirty Crowley

Mamma Mia? Both of them. Every one or two century or decade (here I go again, how can I resist you Bla Bla Bla)

Dancing Queen? Is about Aziraphale. It is him

I've been waiting for you? Aziraphale for Crowley. (you thrill me, you delight me, you please me, you excite me, you're something inde been pleading for. I love you, I adore you. I LAY MY LIFE BEFORE YOU Aziraphale literally would declare his love with this exact words)

As good as new? I know this one isn't as known but for season 3 it's Aziraphale.

(I'll never know why I had to go

...

And know look at me standing here again cause I found out that my life is here

Gotta have you here.

As good as new my love for you)

Voulez vous ? About the fact that they keep meeting and fell in love and they do it all again everytime. Meaning all the good but also the misunderstanding?

I HAVE A DREAM?? Aziraphale. "You can take the future even if you fail? I believe in angels??"

If it wasn't for the nights? Change nights with when we see each other (which is basically what the nights are in the song) and it's just them screaming that they live for when they see each other and thank god they are busy otherwise they would turn so mad to not see each other more

Chiquitita? Crowley helping Aziraphale after a bad day. (I've seen you've broken a feather, Chiquitita you and I know how the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving. Yeah Crowley sing to your boyfriend how hard days and works can be and how it pills up to hurt you)

Kisses of fire? No comment on this one. But yeah (not sexual pure emotion). (Touch my lips, close your eyes and see with your fingertips... Hmm yeah sure yep yep no hard feeling with this hand of Aziraphale begging to give in THIS scene)

Gimme gimme gimme? Rare exception here. Crowley is not the one tired of them turning around each other. It's Aziraphale who decide to put on a show.

Money money money? Sugar daddies

My love my life? Oh my heart is just shattered on the ground.

The mirror of your eyes: Crowley's glasses.

My love my life are the words I try to find: Aziraphale stuttering to find his word

But I know I don't possess you, so go away god bless you, you are still my love and my life. Bawling my eyes out, ripping my ribcage open

Super trouper? Just Aziraphale so happy to do his magic show. But only if Crowley is here to watch him. Otherwise why put on a show? No matter who is looking no eyes are dearer than their.

Our last summer? Funny funny. We took our chance like we were dancing our last dance, yeah no idea what chance or dance that could refer to in the last happy moments they gad together hmm?

Me and I is about the duality of feelings in Aziraphale, the fight between what he loves about heaven and what he loves about humanity and goodness + makes me think of him and Crowley being stringer together but we leave the meaning of the song (We're like the sun and rainy weather sometimes we are a hit together)

Elaine is Crowley singing about how Heaven know Aziraphale too well and they will tie him up so he does its will. I'm not kidding. (You curse, you try to scare, but you can never teach them, it's a dead end street, they tied your hands and tied your feet... You come, you stay, you go, it really doesn't matter, you've done it all before, by know they know the pattern)

I do, I do, I do? Crowley stop begging, I'm already crying. (Love me or leave me, make your choice but believe me I love you. I do, I do, I do...)

Hey hey Helen? Crowley is being petty. "So you're free at last and beginning to forget the past, does it make you sad when you think about the life you had?" (tbf I always felt uncomfortable about that song but it weirdly fits

Tropical loveland? To Crowley it's Alpha Centauri, to Aziraphale it's heaven. (Just take my hand, I'll show you everything. The secrets that my paradise can bring. I wanna share it with you)

I wonder? Aziraphale stop trying to convince yourself. DON'T GO

I'm a marionnette ? Okay I know you think it's about Aziraphale. But no. It's about Crowley. Because yes he has free will. At least more than Aziraphale. But up until this scene, he always did what Aziraphale wanted. Never refused him anything. (also this song gives me anxiety)

Honey honey? Well. I really like them as aroace. But I'll give it to you Aziraphale might have thought this.