#decided on it myself. and this ties in directly to my sexuality because im never sure what attraction is truly what im feeling or if its

[veldian]

me: *has complicated feelings towards, and experiences with, gender*

me: no.. no we're not dealing with this rn.

me: *projects onto a fictional character instead*

[dendrite-blues]

Hi just wanted to say that i recently read (devoured) reparations and permutations and i loved it so much. An amazing depiction of gender fluidity and racial and sexual themes. One of the best I have read. Also, the relationship between loki and his kids (and tony and the kids) and their distinct personalities was wonderful to see unfold. Now im in a puddle of parent!loki feels...Anyway thank you so much for writing! If you ever decide to come back to it i will definitely be reading 💕

This is the first ask I've ever gotten, will you internet marry me? jknknkljkjkj

It's funny that you ask this right now because I am actually on the cusp of being able to return to this verse finally.

I'm not sure if the story I'm about to tell is interesting at all, but Rep is my baby so I'm gonna babble a little. I hope that's alright. :)

The funny thing is that I've never wanted to stop writing Rep.

The day I finished it I expected to feel victorious and relieved but I actually felt hollow and lost. I went into the most intense depression for weeks after. It had been my anchor for nine of the most turbulent months of my life, and suddenly it was just gone.

I wanted it back, I wanted to see these characters living their dream life and raising their children. I wanted to see Loki finally confront their gender directly, to see them live truthfully in front of Thor and Asgard, to see them embrace their role as the God of Change.

But the story was also finished, and in a fashion I was particularly proud of. It felt satisfying, like all the little threads had been tied up and you really believed this family was going to be happy forever.

So breaking up that nice, clean ending with a sequel felt like a terrible mistake. (And in a moment of weakness I went and did it anyway! That's how much of a hoe I am for this verse *cries*) As soon as I opened up that door and moved past the happy ending, there was an ocean of other stories and headcanons waiting. And I didn't think I would ever finish it. I would be writing it my entire life.

At the time, not finishing felt taboo. My very first fic had been abandoned two years earlier and throughout writing Rep I had motivated myself by thinking "I'm never doing that again. No matter how overwhelming this story feels, I'm not giving up. I'll never fail my readers like that again."

So I forced myself to move on and write other things. Once Tamed happened and then grew past its intended ending. Endgame came out and in my grief I impulsively started If You Had to Choose. And I was steadily feeling burnt out from denying myself the pleasure of writing what I really wanted to--Permutations.

The guilt and stress of maintaining all those WIPs pushed me out of writing from May 2019 to February 2021, and I only got back into it because an RP partner reached out to me from the ether and rekindled my love for the pairing.

So at that point I had a decision and I'm honestly not sure if I made the right one.

On the one hand I could abandon Tamed and Choose, trading the guilt of not finished for the guilt of giving up, and be rewarded with writing Permutations. On the other, I could grit my teeth and stall my own gratification in the name of honoring my readers.

Because I am Rep Loki and I am incapable of setting boundaries, so I naturally chose to spend the last 6 months writing Choose, and the next three weeks writing Tamed. And then I made a bunch of new stories also out of love for Mobius and Sylive. REEEEEE

But anyway, whether it was a good move or not I chose the path of least regret and I have succeeded in clearing my old WIPs. Just this week I have finally freed myself to write whatever the hell I want to, and it feels bloody fantastic.

And what I want to write is Permutations. It's been the light at the end of my tunnel for so long. Literal years of putting off my heart's wish in the name of being responsible.

So now that I'm here, I'm ready to fuckin party.

Get ready for a festival of smut and feels and cooky family subplots. Get ready for ridiculously indulgent tangents and plots that are a pile of thinly veiled head canons. Get ready for a veritable mountain of angst, h/c, kidfic, gender/race issues, and kink exploration.

My best guess (and I'm pretty accurate because I hit my deadlines well) is that new Perm chapters will come out late August/early September 2021.

A StrangeFrost spin off about Timestone Loki from Chapter 11 will come shortly after that. Probably October/November since I'm planning to prewrite that one. It's a very intense, dark story even for me, so I want to get it beta read for sensitivity before posting.

And anytime I write this verse there's always little oneshots and things that come up, so I'm willing to bet Cornucopia will be updated too.

You're getting so much more Reparations, my friend. And soon.

Thanks so much for reading and sending me my first ask. It's so nice to talk about this and to finally get the news out there that the story isn't over yet!

[l0chn3ss]

l0chn3ss update

I feel like the last time I ever really active on tumblr was in the year 2016, so i want to address my absence between 2017-2020. Part of it is because I feel like I owe it to my friends and mutuals who I just basically left on read and another part is because I’ve always treated this blog as a personal blog that documents my life and my growth. I put off writing this for a long time but now that I have a huge paper due, now is definitely the time.

You are welcome to skip but I will address a few hard hitting questions I feel should be answered, especially since I feel like I departed like an anti-hero of a bad tv show.

Where I am currently: I am in grad school to obtain a master’s in library and information science. I have a full time job at different middle school libraries, though I work from home now. I also tutor kids on the side to pay for my tuition because I basically make minimum wage. Quarantine messed with my head at first, but now I’m feeling much better and I’m trying to reconnect with friends and close a lot of loose ends.

TLDR: I took an extended break because tumblr mobile sucks and my laptop needed serious repairs. I made a huge migration away from social media in 2018. I prioritized my education and in-person connections, which fell to shit because of my fandom involvement in the past. I did not like the direction of the main fandom I participated in and knew that many of the people I once respected did not respect me in return/ Us versus them mentality. I recognized that I treated my life on tumblr too seriously and took petty drama personally. I am sporadically on tumblr now because I genuinely enjoy the social connection and because I still like running fandom events.

Yes, you can reblog this. I’d love for this narrative to be heard.

Long version: To preface this, this post is being written to give myself closure and because I really am procrastinating on my final big paper of this semester. I’ll be tackling on the points in the tldr in a longer narrative that will appear to be in an expository fashion, which I recognize will be a source of contention, but my intentions are to throw it onto the table so that I can be freed. I can let it go and move on. I’m no longer a 20 years old who cared too much of what other people think and will think; I think differing perspectives are important and I want to give myself a chance to say my piece. That and I recognize that I lost the audience that I once had, so I doubt this will be an issue at all. It’s been 4 or what ever years, let’s just not.

Back in 2015-2016 there was a huge back and forth between three groups of people in the SE fandom. The reason why I’m not listing out the name is because I don’t want this to show up in the tags. I’d say that the three groups could be seen as quite literally the soma shippers (mostly white, demi sexual girls), lgbt centric bloggers (very kid or star oriented, very fed up with soma), and the people who were deemed as alright to soma shippers (c r ona, ste inm arie, jac k im centric people). There was a constant (and understandable) tension between the first two groups while the third was like the weird cousin that everyone in the social circles liked because they sprinkled in soma for the masses. Don’t argue with me on this-- this was literally how the fandom was in 2015 and you know it.

The main issue was that one group felt that they were being inclusive towards identities and sexualities while the other felt that they were not. I remember that one of the arguments was that soma WAS an LGBT ship because people headcanonned the members to be demisexual. However, the other side of the argument was that it wasn’t good representation of a gay pairing. Now that we can look back at this 5 years later, I have two things to say: 1, I now very much understand why the argument broke out because of how heated the topic is, and I do believe that I lean more towards the “other side” now that I’m not wearing rose tinted glasses, but 2, I need to make it clear that demi people are lgbt, but a headcanon is not fact and ship diversity was the main question at hand, not the ship itself. This argument lasted for weeks, destroyed my friendships, and no matter what I felt I did in the moment (which was to mend the fandom), it was taken as an insult.

(Side note: Somethings that I remember was being in someone’s DM’s to encourage them to participate in the large fandom events more, but once they twisted my intentions and rallied their friends, I became their enemy. I also became the mods’ enemy but then again, when was I not? I was made fun of for saying “queergender,” a term that is now currently being widely used, quite openly by someone I wanted desperately to be friends with. I was outwardly mocked by popular users who only apologized behind closed doors but didn’t bother to clear things up with their followers. Adults who were in their 30s quite literally attacked a 19 year old. It was in that moment that I realized I would never become friends with either side, and not because I didn’t want to.)

I bring this up because as I begun to stop writing soma fics, I also begun to see and understand why people moved away from it. It wasn’t the ship itself, it was the culture surrounding it. However, on tumblr we have the ability to connect intensely with the content we produce. Therefore, the ship itself began to be connected with the shippers and their attitudes towards outside pairings-- that attitude being tied into elitism.

I say this with every ounce of love I can because I once had the exact same mannerism. When you become so tied into one pairing to the point where other ships appear to threaten the existence of it and you react negatively towards it, you become rancid. The popular tag “everything is soma” takes a very dark turn. Even if readers consume another pairing’s work, they will be obliged to say “I ship soma more BUT that was cute.” They will read an entirely different topic and wonder why soma wasn’t inserted into it in the background. They will reject pairings that separate the two as if breaking them up is sin and an insult.

The only reason why I stopped writing my soma fics in 2016 was because I saw a real need to fill in the gaps of other pairings. I took what people were saying to heart and I wanted to change my ways and my perceptions. I saw the animosity of the ship culture and rejected it. I wanted to use what little influence I had to make the fandom just a bit more accepting. In 2016, I don’t think the fandom was ready for it. In 2017, they still weren’t ready for it. In 2020, I see hope, but I wonder sometimes if it’s masqueraded pity because of previous treatment.

In the middle of it all, I went from being the soma angst master to becoming the weird person everyone once knew. I was the friend that people excluded from group chats and I just “wasn’t the same.” Cliques grew extremely large in power in 2017 and exclusion hurt like a bitch.

The straw that broke the camel’s back and completely shut me down was in 2017 when I was graduating as a bachelor. There was a fandom event that I decided to go all in to. For context, there used to be a huge debate on how many times a person should enter in an event, but in my mind, the more exposure the better. My graduation and the event took place at the exact same time, which was cool, but what hurt me was what happened after.

I was lucky enough to be accepted into field school (when you travel to do outdoor excavating) for my major. I’m an anthropologist-- it was an honor. I didn’t plan in advance for it, and if anything, I thought that I would be committed completely to the events and my 5 or what ever entries at the time. I’ve always prided myself in communicating with others, so I made sure to let my partners in the event know what was going on. I was so excited to be going on my first ever excavation and no one at the time said anything otherwise, in fact, they all seemed incredibly supportive. 

What I didn’t know was that I would be called out by name in the event feedback response by one person who felt that I didn’t take the event seriously enough and that I should’ve prioritized my time accordingly. Two of the mods let me know because it referred to me directly, though the name of the submitter was not included. It was not only a slap in the face, but a dumbfound moment that reminded me that wow, fandom content really is someone’s life out there. My enforced silence because of lack of internet in the woods actually upset someone and made them believe that I wronged them, because I put my real life ambitions first before a fandom event.

It was then when I woke up and I remember very clearly thinking to myself: I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to treat my fandom life seriously. I want to participate in fandom for fun, not out of duty. I don’t want to prioritize this life because in the end, if I am hated for putting my work and education first, then I don’t want it.

(For context, I suspect that it was the same person who made a 200 note call out on me during the fandom tension. I respected this person immensely, but I also treated them like the flawed person I believe everyone is. I’m sure because of this, I’m pretty much trash in their eyes, which is totally fine. They have really cute cats so they can’t be all too bad. Don’t look into it too deeply.)

Once my month long field school was up, I was already used to not being on the internet or any of my social media accounts. I didn’t play my mobile games for a month. I didn’t read the news for a month. It was like going cold turkey on the internet, which reshaped my habits entirely. The only time that I had online within that time span was during the weekend, but I spent my time working on my projects and catching up with friends instead of being on apps.

I was also completely fed up with tumblr’s mobile app at the time, so one by one, I deleted my apps. Good bye to tumblr, snapchat, what little I used of instagram, twitter, everything. The only thing I kept was facebook, which was because it is the main platform that I use to message my boyfriend. That meant that any friends I retained from the fandom (who I still contact now) were also friends who had the chance to add me on facebook.

This was the cause of my 2 or 3 year hiatus on tumblr, and therefore the fandom. I occasionally checked back every 6 months to do a few fandom events, but I have several unopened messages and notifications that I haven’t been able to get to. I open my instagram for a few days once a year, and I only go onto twitter if my friends tell me (through facebook) that they dm’d me a post there.

When I left my online persona behind, I quickly strengthened my in person connections. New drama that erupted every other day became replaced with starbucks and boba runs. Reality TV shows replaced fanfiction. Text messages replaced the tumblr activity feed (which still doesn’t work on mobile BTW). I study at cafes unironically with friends instead of typing alone in my room. Overall, it opened my world considerably.

I still like making fun of myself and I try not to take myself seriously. I still make self depreciative memes to send to friends but then double up with kermit heart pics. I’m still a plot bunny, I still write my fics, I still watch my anime, I still play video games, I still sleep at 4am, I still take my depression medication, I still love potatoes, I still use my voice for people who can’t find theirs yet. But I think I’m in a much healthier mindset now, even if I still make stupid shifty posts calling out bad behavior.

Nowadays, I’m working on my Master’s degree in secret. My parents don’t know about it because my mom doesn’t like that I want to go out and do unladylike things like getting an education. I tutor kiddos and I’m really good with younger children, but I’m not going to do anything with kids because I just don’t want to. Instead, I want to work at an archive or a museum to bring my library interests and my anthropology background together. If I had my dream job, I would be a marine archaeologist; however I love my boyfriend of 8 years whom you probably all remember and I really came to terms with my grandeur dreams. I’m extremely happy with living in a small town with loved ones now, and I don’t need to move somewhere far away from my parents to be content. It’s a huge realization.

From 2018 to 2020 I got into actual drama in person while I was job hunting. Adult people suck and honestly it’s kind of embarrassing how ill equipped some people are. Even so, I currently work in middle schools as a media assistant. One of those realms is the library, and honestly it’s like fulfilling a prophecy. As much as I love the social aspect, public schools are an absolute train wreck.

I’m going to wrap this up now. This post is meant to help me close the past and move forward because the fandom culture feels different now. Things from several years ago don’t need to resurface. I want to enjoy my life fully, and fandom life is one of those aspects that I truly did enjoy. I’m going to keep using my voice and act like a fool, but I’m also not going to be losing sleep because of this. People are going to talk about you no matter what, whether positively or negatively, and it’s important to not take it personally.

Idk, go enjoy yourselves. Do things for yourself. It’s more fun that way.

[illfoandillfie]

hi i hope you don’t mind me being nosey but i was wondering if i could ask a few things about u being aro? i kinda just wanted to know how u figured it out? and also do u still get feelings for people but choose not to pursue it? sorry if i’m kinda intruding i don’t mean to, just curious

i dont mind at all darl! (actually...lowkey i love when people are curious about it lmao so feel free to ask more questions) also this is going under a cut cause it got longer than i meant it to lmao

figuring it out wasnt easy and it took a lot of self reflection and like months of questioning and doing research and then worrying i was getting it wrong. Basically i first considered the idea that i could be aro when i was approaching my 25th birthday. A friend of mine (the only guy i’ve had any sort of a fling with) had announced he was engaged and i was completely down on myself wondering why i couldnt get a single date when he was off getting engaged (not that i even Wanted to get married i just would have liked some attention). I figured there had to be something wrong with me or something about me that was broken. And then i saw someone i followed at the time reblog a post about being aro. I’d seen the phrase a little before but never really considered it as fitting me but i’d also never really paid attention to what it actually meant. 

I don’t remember what the post was exactly, it’s probably somewhere in the thousands and thousands of posts i’ve liked over the years but there’s no easy way to check so . Whatever it said it felt relatable enough that I went and googled aromanticism to try and figure out what it was and if it fit me. Because I was already in a headspace where I’d been thinking about my lack of a romantic history already, a lot of the stuff that i read had been stuff i’d been thinking about anyway. Like Reader said in Platonic when she was talking about how she figured it out, I’ve never had a proper crush. I spent months thinking about it after my friend told me he’d proposed. I have very vivid memories of literally deciding to have a crush on a boy in primary school because it seemed like i should (again, i included that directly in Platonic lmao down to the boys name and everything). And every guy I’ve had an interest in since has been either a brief physical attraction that i forgot about as soon as I wasn’t seeing him regularly or something that I deliberately manufactured either in an attempt to fit in with the people around me or because i was kind of bored. Even the cute music teacher at work last year like he was hot and i wouldnt have said no to a kiss or whatever but i just didn’t have any feelings about him beyond that. 

While I was trying to figure out if I was aro I read a lot of websites. The AVENwiki has a page on aromanticism and I think also has pages on some of the aro-spec identities like greyromantic and demiromantic so that was a good starting point for definitions. Google also gave me a few different forums and stuff where aro people were talking about being aro. A lot of aromantic resources are tied up in the asexual community though because that’s where the language and everything was first suggested and what it evolved from. I don’t think that necessarily helped me feel comfortable using the term aro to describe myself because i’m pretty confident i’m not ace but the more I looked into it the more stuff I found from people who were allosexual but aromantic. Anyway, I spent weeks just googling “aromantic” and seeing what came up  and rereading what i’d already read and resisting the fact that a lot of it fit me. Then I spent a while trying to find like a quiz or something that would just give me an answer. I found a few quizzes but all of them assumed at least one previous relationship so none of them were any use to me. But gradually I started feeling okay with calling myself aro. I think part of my hesitation was probably also because knowing I was aro didn’t feel like a solution it just felt my damage had a name. The other part is that romantic attraction is not easy to define which makes it hard to identify if you feel it or not so the part of me that wanted to be Normal kept being like ‘well if you dont know you cant call yourself aro’. But I thought about it a lot and I read any aro related post that crossed by dash and then ventured into the tumblr tag and found some helpful discussion stuff in there and then I started calling myself aro just quietly, only in my own head. It took a long time before I felt okay admitting that I was aro on my own blog but obviously i got there in the end lmao. That friend, the one who got engaged, he’s the only person i’ve told irl though. 

as to your second question....

I don’t think I feel romantic attraction. Truthfully, as i said before, it’s hard to know for certain and there is a possibility that i could form a romantic attraction to someone one day but i think it’s very unlikely. Other forms of attraction are different though. I can be attracted to people physically and sexually. And I think I could possibly be attracted to people in a platonic “man i’d really like to be their friend” kind of way though it doesnt come up very much because im not really one to like meet people. I like my own company. 

But i’ve never really acted on any sort of attraction or feelings for others. I was definitely attracted to CMT but I never acted on it because it seemed like too much work. The was a guy who worked at a pop culture collectables shop a few years ago who i thought was very cute and I did contemplate asking him out but it just never felt like a real option and I sort of just ignored it until he left the job. So yeah I guess I do get some sorts of feelings and then choose not to do anything with them, but they aren’t romantic feelings. But like right now I’ve got no interest in anyone (apart from ben and roger but i guess they dont really count lmao). None of the teachers at work interest me and i havent met anyone else recently and it really isnt bothering me. Theres a guy in IT who i could possibly see myself fawning over a bit cause he’s handsome and has an unusual accent but he’s got the same name as my brother so i’ve already ruled him out as a no go lmao. 

Anyway, hopefully that answered your questions! If there’s anything else you want to know or you’d like me to try and explain something more fully my inbox is always open!

[the-reactionist]

my ���bad blood’

there is a fascinating iterview with Carl jung where he sepaks about Hitler; upon readign it i understood some thigns about myself; [link]

i look like hitler, so does my grandmother on the father’s side, and her son - my biological ‘dad’, thus we must have a connection;

Jung explained soemthign imprtant about adolf hitler - he was a witchdoctod, from the african tradition of witchcraft; that is  a very powerful voodo traditiona dn i thik goes back to ancient egypt times, too; but it’s dark still for me and i don’t realize the full thing for now; the fact is that its awitchcraft absed on fear,a nd it is worse even than the black witchcraft in europe during the middle ages - 

now that is where my mother’s bloodline is - i asoociate her fatehr with the nrose diety ragnar, and with european witches, but also with the people who fought witches by torturing them and buring them, and they themselves came from a bckground of religious self-torture - they were fanatics; jut like the diety ragnar is;

hitler was not just tht though; actual practical amgic , i read in one article somewhere, came with the crusaders from the lands of the middle east - all the alternative teachings that were abundant there i  amny sects and cryptic practises, some fo which we now can call demonic; they were ased on fear; dark magic, inherently;

the witchdoctors that hitler’s brainw as connected with came from taht dark tradition, in africa; and my parents on the side of my ‘father’ are turkish indescent and they have taht strong persian /arabic vibe; but in a not always good sense, unfortunately; they fer lack and thus they become selfisha nd brutal, too materialistic and demanding of abundance in abusive ways, even gross, pervrted sexually ways - my grandmother was a pedophile and she sued to touch me and my sister as small girls and we developed insane brainfuck ebcause fo that;

there is mroe to it, unfortunately but it’s hard to formulate for now;

so jung spoke of hitler as a doll, a voodoo object; he was not a sensible epros, but possessed, especially in the end; my father strikingly resembles hi m and it is very undertsandible why my mother liked himbecause she carries a desire for vengance and love for nazi order in ehrself; she loves germanya nd how everything is organzied disciplined and strict there; which for me is torture and isanity when it comes to my subconsious; but that might e just my turkish descent’s flaw; i am gonna explore that i n later posts; i amcertain it must be this;

because actually germanic structure of society and manners of living are related directly to the norse gods system, which ie xplored too at one point; and so do amy other peopel; so ti is a virtuous and humanistic system, not merely brutal and agry; 

my take on it comes from MY INNEE SHADOW which is  hatred of lack fo abundance3; i love gold flowing from my shower when i am showering, if i have to put it in words; in truth i feel msierable fi im nto in the warmth of the desert and eating freshly picked fruit by the peopel who work for me - my bloodline is related to the pharaohs, and to cleopatra... so its peopel fo high status and powerful positions in society; nothing to match with my other familiar’s village way fo life and the cozyness of the woods, the cbin, the fireplace, the woolen clothes and the home; we are leaders and rulers and love glory; just love it; we are capable fo hanling muc stress and we are actually immortal; so that shadow aint taht abd either;

but black magic ia frica sprung in places where peopel lived in mysery so there sia  lto fo aggression there to this day, as you very well know - i am not well educated on tribal peopela nd their wys of though; i am always surrounded by civillized people, and civilized criminala ctivity - yakuza, gangs, drug lords, dictators, spies, agents, police and military; but never brutality of the lower vibrational level - people whoa re animalistic and they dont realize their diviity within;

i dont judge that, i am clarifying wher is atnd in the world we are living in; to me such peopel are scary ebcause they refuse the light of God;

i love my cleopatra roots, they ar really wise and loving, playful and lusty; tjhis was her word up there; bless her heart! she was a beutiful woman;

s for the egyptin pharaohs, they are said to have been seeded by the starpeopel themselves, the gods, tahts why they carried divinity in the dna of normal humansa nd spread it across the centuries of their rule, mating with many and ruliung in the lands of the original human beings - africa; they were very feared and hated, especially by those who woudl later on become dark wizards in africa, dark voodoo practitioners and the brain-masters behind the puppet hitler; they hate humanity in many levels, tehy hate civillied humanity anmd their power is brute force; amny of todays africna dictators have that encoding in them; i am writing this to spread awareness on the subject ebcause my cleopatra self is still a politican and i cant escape my need for being powerful player that helps govern the outcomes of the plitical stategies and happenings that amke up our near futures; i decide to do that in a soft manner, nto as a politician, but s an inspirational perso, in art, in real-life stories i share and have suffered slongside many of te others slaves of today’s society and the capitallistic structure that is not functioning for the well being fo the people but fuelling fearful and greedy dictators worldwide, insetad of terating the wounds of the past, and present, and takign care fort the future of the nature and environment of this earth; it could have been the other way around thus i am using my psychic and goddly abilities to brainfuck the ill-minded leaders and to insipre ordinary folk to be more proslerous, joyous and bold in their ways of viewing and experiencing life and reality;

my leadership is warm and heartful; i am cleoptra

*i even look like leonor varela and we share the same name lol

[idk if tahtw as achanneling right now but i hve ahd those before too, so dont take the words eprosnally, but like a energy that i amc hannelling but also repect and associate with myself somehow, wich i as the way for me to expand - taking in stuff and finding comparisons between me and them or if i revere somebody ro soemthuing - go out of my ways to enact their ways and learn new startegies fo thinking about life and operating in it - as happened with the boy i am loving from 5 years now ; i wanted to copy every bit of him and paste it into my Self and tehe merging oif the two is a compelx and very eautiful rpocess full of itegration, sorrow and painfuless;

but cleopatra herself was amazing; she is a ebodiment of the goddess ISIS, occording to one article - JESUS; thats a very ineterstign tale as well:

she was a devotee to the goddess isis and the last pharaoh of egypt and the turns of events in the world lead her to reincarnate in the form of Jesus; her last lover - Mark nathony was like a small boy and although the romance was passionate, she was liek a mother to him too; there the mary/jesus/mary magdalene separation was created, into new symbols that comprise the same characters and had been played out amongst humans ever since that era - the mary/jesus/mary magdalene archetypes are mcuh more ‘common’, ordinary - a lot more people, poor people, not pharaohs and clergy, or goddesses/gids, can find their selves in those archetypes, and thus grow their hearts strong and loving for their divvinity, embracing at the smae tiemtheir humanity;

it is interestign now to delve into the aspects of isis/cleopatra/mark anthony and gender roles, because those are also improtant aspects of the separation the christian order; cleopatra is a god - nor male, neither female; but jeus has gender preferences; so he is not god, but a human;

christ consciousness is a mass consciousness ascencion project; aimed at elevating the entire humanity to God; and cleopatra /isi is the source of it; but keep ti a secret ;)

i’ll stop here for now