#decided not to put this behind a paywall after all

[mahowaga]

THE TRIWIZARD TOURNAMENT FOR THE BEAU IDÉAL OF IDIOCY | N.K. — PROLOGUE

SUMMARY: you're supposed to be in the stands, eating snacks and talking strategy with your friends, enjoying watching the three champions battle for the triwizard cup. you're not supposed to be entangled in what seems to be your own personal (hell) triwizard tournament.

PAIRING: ravenclaw!nanami kento x hufflepuff!fem!reader | mc’s best friend yu haibara, insufferable asshole fushiguro toji, no-nonsense house-elf ryomen sukuna CONTAINS: hp x jjk au, (friends who are) idiots to lovers, romance, fluff, crack, profanity PLAYLIST: the course of true love never did run smooth WC: 8.2k WARNINGS: a slur thrown, an almost fistfight, a fainting spell, just mc being a clown

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— PROLOGUE: A TRIFECTA OF TRAGEDIES TO PUT ALL OTHER DISASTERS TO SHAME

(First and foremost, a person’s purity of blood should have absolutely nothing to do with how they are treated. Isn’t it their heart that should be pure, after all? 

That’s the mentality you try to live by.)

In retrospect, you should have known better than to ask Fushiguro Toji, the insufferable dark haired (and pure-blooded) boy from Slytherin who only interacted with people of, and you’re quoting him directly here, the same stature as I, to be your date to the Yule Ball. What had quite possessed you to even go up to that intimidatingly long bench in the Great Hall on which he had lounged on with such repose alongside his friends is knowledge that’s probably hidden behind some kind of paywall. For the time being, you’re okay with letting it elude you. What you aren’t okay with is how he had completely shut you down without so much as giving you a chance to state your business.

You aren’t surprised. No, you’d pretty much expected this. Why on Earth would Toji go with the likes of you? Well, there’s no need to wonder because here are some, if not all, of the reasons why:

You are a Hufflepuff. (In Toji’s eyes: “The house where all of the leftovers go.”)

You are a Muggleborn. (Again, from Toji’s point of view: “What the hell is that?”)

You had come up to him with a piece of fabric that you’d sewn yourself - a simple necktie - a golden yellow with a dotted pattern that resembled spots of dark ink that someone had spilled (this hadn’t been the intention but you’d decided to roll with it) - and had offered it to him, telling him that you two could coordinate your outfits by matching the tie with a hairband you’d sewn for yourself (same pattern and everything; because you are nothing if not dedicated to the cause). (Toji: “That’s the ugliest fucking thing I have ever seen.”)

It sounds worse than it is.

Actually, scratch that. It’s a nightmare given sentience. You’ve just gotten yourself embarrassed in front of basically the entirety of Hogwarts. And if that isn’t enough, the students and staff of the two visiting wizarding schools are here, probably enjoying your public humiliation. Lovely.

But no, you’re not surprised. This is Toji in a nutshell. You’d expected as much. If anything, you’d hoped he would have a change of heart (similar to how he’d helped you during Potions the other evening, but that appears to have been a trick of the mist now that you look back at it and really think) and say Yes, I thought you’d never ask!

Hope is such a dangerous thing.

You just stand there in shock more than anything else, looking into his eyes, as dark as the soul swirling inside of him, the color of tar, trying to force yourself to say something. Right now, you’re hyper aware of everyone and everything, including the way the din of the Hall had died down the moment Toji had opened his mouth.

Focus. You need to move, or speak, or both.

Finally, you’re able to coerce your brain to communicate with your vocal chords. “I can change the color of the tie,” you say meekly.

Inwardly, you want to facepalm yourself. Are you serious? You think the tie is the problem here?

The Slytherins perched around Toji snicker, because they (and you) know what’s coming. He’s going to rip you an entirely new one and send you back to the Hufflepuff common room with your tail between your legs and a newfound resolution to never cross paths with him ever again.

He cocks his head at you, as if he’s simultaneously amused and irked that you were still talking to him. His eyes narrow ever so slightly, his brow raised in disapproval.

You have to get out of there. This feels like a natural disaster waiting to happen. (It is.) And yet, you find yourself rooted to the spot.

(This isn’t quite the way you’d imagined you’d realize that, deep down in the recesses of your body and mind, you are somewhat of a masochist. This is the only explanation you can offer as to why you’re still standing above Toji, the tie in your hand, awaiting a very rude awakening.)

“Listen,” Toji says, his voice deep and gravelly and it almost makes you want to swoon (but you can’t and you don’t because this boy is evil incarnate), “I don’t know what made you think you could just, I don’t know, walk up to me and start talking, but I think you should walk away while I’m still being nice.” He shrugs, flashing a charming smirk at his friends. “Or not,” he says, standing up and towering over you. You feel yourself shrink into yourself. “Your choice, Mudblood.”

Son of a bitch.

The necktie will be covered in blood and creases by the time you’re done with Fushiguro Toji.

You grip the tie so tightly you can feel your nails digging into your palm, the fabric doing absolutely nothing as a buffer.

Walk away? You want to scoff. Not a chance. You might’ve considered walking away, running away, even, just minutes ago, but he’d just insulted you. Now it was a whole different ball game.

He notices your clenched fists and smiles. He reaches into his robe lazily for his wand.

You huff. If Toji is going to fight you, he is going to fight you hand-to-hand. You know, the way Mudbloods like you do.

What good is a wand when you’ve already gotten your face punched in twice before you can even cast a spell?

The entire Hall is engulfed in pin-drop silence. It’s almost calming, in a cathartic way. Like a battlefield before the battle, just both sides with their eyes closed and their palms pressed together in prayer.

You raise your fist, the spotted tie wrapped messily around it, ready to throw hands. Toji, in turn, raises his wand with a sense of detachment. He doesn’t care.

“Enough,” comes a voice, calm and certain and authoritative.

You curse under your breath, but don’t bring your hands down. You’d be damned if you let your guard down in front of Toji.

“Head Boy Nanami,” Toji drawls, pointing his dark wand at the boy in question. 

At the mention of his name - well, his title and his surname - your heart begins to hammer in your chest. This is bad. Very bad. You don’t want Kento to see you like this. (It’s already horrifying enough to have the entire school and more watch you get rejected and then almost get into a fistfight, but the fact that he’s seen it makes everything infinitely worse. It’s bad for business.)

And so you do the only logical thing you can think of after turning your head to meet Kento’s gaze, those hazel eyes of his burning into yours, asking you if you are out of your mind: you pass out.

(Passing out on command is a gift. Or a curse, depending on how you look at it. You don’t even remember how you figured out you could do it, but hey, it seems to have worked in your favour.)

The first thing you see when you open your eyes are your best friend’s own staring down at you. They are filled to the brim with sheer delight and pure entertainment. His smile pulls the whole look together. You wonder how long he’s been sitting on the wobbly wooden chair next to the bed with that smile on his face. Knowing him, probably the moment you’d been brought into the hospital wing.

“Don’t start,” you groan, turning your head away from him and resting your forearm across your eyes. So dramatic.

Haibara grabs your arm and pulls it off of your face. He looks way too ecstatic for someone whose best friend had just embarrassed themself in front of everyone and Head Boy Nanami.

Your arm flops back down onto the crisp white linen sheets of the bed. You sigh and avoid his eyes, though it’s proving to be a daunting task seeing as how he’s now inches away from your face. (Hey, that spot on the ceiling looks real interesting right now!)

“You know,” Haibara starts, already trying to suppress a giggle, “when you said you were going to find yourself a date to the Yule Ball, I didn’t think you were talking about Fushiguro.” He pokes your side and you flinch, smacking his hand.

You roll your eyes. You really don’t want to have this conversation right now. You’re still reeling from humiliating yourself in front of Head Boy Nanami.

Why are you fixated on one person? You literally gave all three wizarding schools gossip for days.

That thought isn’t comforting either, but it’s the former that’s going to keep you up at night.

You feign nonchalance. “Right,” you say, “and who, pray tell, did you have in mind?”

Previously, you’d thought Haibara’s grin couldn’t get any wider, but you’ve been proven wrong. That boy is like a drop of sunshine that evolved into a human. This is great, except for the fact that you are currently allergic to sunbeams.

His glee sickens you.

It’s like he’s trying to suppress his laughter. “You already know my answer, genius.”

There it is. Of course he knows. And he knows because you’d told him. On more than one occasion. Haibara, he’s so handsome. How can he walk around looking like that all day? It’s crazy. And when your best friend had asked you, point blank, by the way, if you had a crush, this had been your response: Absolutely not. How dare you insinuate such a baseless accusation?

You had lied.

And you’re about to do it again.

“I barely know him. Why would I ask him to be my date?”

He purses his lips in disappointment, though it does little to mask his amusement. While he helps you sit up, he cocks his head and looks at you. “Come on,” he huffs. “I introduced you two to each other for a reason. Make my efforts worthwhile, please. This is the perfect opportunity.”

If you hadn’t just had the most horrific experience of your life, you might’ve considered it. Unfortunately, that’s not how life works, at least for you. So you shake your head.

“He’s clearly not interested in me.” You pull the blanket off of your legs and swing them off the side of the bed. Haibara scoots his chair back to give you space, his gaze still fixed on you. “Besides, we barely even talk. The only conversations we have are in the hallways on our way to class. ‘Good morning’ and ‘Good evening’. That’s it.” You take a breath. “I don’t know him like that.”

“And you know Toji like that?”

Well. He has a point (as much as it gagged you to hear it). You’re obviously not going to make this known.

“Look,” you start, steepling your fingers together as you rest your elbows on your knees, “I asked Toji out because, well, he was nice to me.”

It’s Haibara’s turn to be gagged. “He was what?” he asks, his mouth open. “We’re talking about the same person, right?”

You nod, and suddenly the information that had been hidden behind a paywall is accessible to you. (The payment was probably your public abashment earlier.) Your palm flies to your forehead.

“Oh my God,” you say, standing up quickly. Haibara mirrors you, his arms held out in case you topple over. (He thinks you’d actually fainted from the stress, and not just from the sheer willpower of wanting to remove yourself from the situation.)

“Haibara.” You put your hands on his shoulders, your eyes wide. “I know why I asked Toji to be my date.”

You pause for dramatic effect, and he urges you on. “I’ll bite, but you literally just said it was because he was nice to you.”

It’s all fitting together like the pieces of a very flawed jigsaw puzzle. The kind where there are corner pieces in the middle and middle pieces in the corners. Utter chaos.

Shaking your head at Haibara, you start to pace in front of the small bed, your hands clasped behind your back.

“It was during our Potions class two weeks ago,” you start, nodding to yourself as you recall the memory. “We were making that thing-” you snap your fingers, trying to pull the name of the elixir from the edge of your mind -”felix felicis. Next thing you know, he was high on his own supply. But I didn’t know that, because I didn’t think he was dumb enough to try something he’d made without verifying it with the professor first, so when he came over to talk to me he was the sweetest he’d ever been and then I thought I could sort of help him change his ways and grow.” You spread your hands triumphantly. Remembering things was hard. You were proud of yourself.

Your best friend, on the other hand, was anything but impressed.

He frowns, his brows knitted together tightly. “Toji has hated Hufflepuffs and Muggleborns since forever,” he says, waving an arm out. “What is wrong with you? Why would you think he���d just, I don’t know, suddenly develop a conscience just by being around you?”

Because you’re an idiot, that’s what. An idiot who had hoped. Really, you should’ve known better. Haibara is right. But, yet again, you refuse to give him the satisfaction. So instead of acknowledging his words, you shrug.

“I was just willing to give him a chance. See if he really did want to turn over a new leaf.” And it’s the truth. There is no other reason that you can think of for having pulled quite the risky stunt, not unless there’s something your subconscious isn’t telling you.

That’s something you’ll unpack later. (Years later, you hope.)

Haibara opens his mouth to say something, maybe to tell you that you are the bane of his existence and have zero brain cells (true), but you cut him off.

“I’m going back to the common room.” You shrug your robes on and straighten your tie in the tiny mirror at the bedside table. “I’m hoping that you and I can put this whole Toji situation behind us, and by that I mean please don’t bring it up ever again because it’s a lack of awareness on my part and no, I will not repeat what I just said because you’ll use it against me as leverage.”

And then you wave, and you’re off towards the staircase, leaving behind a baffled and thoroughly entertained Yu Haibara to fix the sheets.

You’re not paying attention to where you’re going. In fact, you’re not sure you’re even on the right staircase that leads to the kitchens. (You’re royally screwed!) You’d just wanted to escape Haibara’s inquisitive gaze, and dashing right out of the hospital wing seemed to be a better option than passing out again (although that was always Plan C. Don’t ask about Plan B.)

The necktie is still in the pocket of your robe. You brush your hand against it, wanting to grab it and throw it right down the labyrinth of stairs, gone forever.

It’s not the tie’s fault.

It isn’t. It doesn’t deserve to be treated like a piece of garbage. Especially not after you’d poured your blood, sweat and tears into sewing it two nights ago after waking up in a cold sweat having dreamt about showing up to the Yule Ball with a date who’d forgotten who his date was because he couldn’t tell her apart from the rest of the attendees.

What a nightmare.

You pull the necktie from your pocket and look at it. It’s crinkled from where you’d grabbed it earlier, ready to make Toji see stars.

A sigh escapes you, more of relief than irritation. It’s salvageable, at least. There’s nothing a little ironing can’t fix. Well, that or a spell. Unfortunately for you, you don’t know what the magic words are.

All of your attention is focused on the tie as you descend the stairs to the kitchens. There’s a sickening squelching sound that cuts through your train of thought, and you realize too late (an understatement) that you’ve just stepped on the Forbidden Step.

Shit.

You look around hurriedly for someone, anyone, to come and help pull you out. Curses possess your tongue, aimed at either yourself, the stupid staircase or that damn tie, still clutched in your hand, now squished into your palm with the stress. (You’ve created a multi-purpose tie: it’s a formal accessory, a hand wrap, and, of course, the newest addition! A stress ball. Your ingenuity is outstanding.)

Quite how long you’re standing there with one foot sunk deep into the innards of the staircase and the other braced on the step directly above you aren’t sure. Physically, it feels like it’s been a day. Mentally you’ve relived the horror of a few hours ago at the Great Hall with Toji about a million times.

No good ever comes from a stationary body paired with an idle mind.

You keep thinking about what Haibara had said about Toji. Should you have even bothered to ask him out? Should you have asked out someone else instead? You know, the one guy you’ve wanted to talk to since the moment you’d met him. The guy who’s always been there when you made a fool of yourself and who’s never said anything to make you feel bad about it. (He can’t say anything anyways - you barely know each other.) The guy you find extremely handsome and charming and smart and everything a Ravenclaw embodies - yep, no guy other than the one and only-

“Need help?”

You’d scream if you didn’t want to protect your last sliver of dignity.

You look up to meet his eyes, those eyes that always seem to be scrutinizing your every move, questioning, wondering, thinking. A pained smile inhabits your face (you need to look good no matter what, especially in front of him).

“I’m good, thanks,” you say, waving him off, that stupid smile still making the muscles in your cheeks work overtime.

Kento tilts his head as if he is not convinced. He crosses his arms. “Are you sure?”

“Yep,” you say, even though your legs are aching and you really, really want him to pull you out. (But you can’t ask him, you’ve already embarrassed yourself in front of him once today and you’re not sure you can handle a double whammy.) “I’m just,” you pause, looking for a word that would remove all suspicion, ”chillin’.”

His eyebrows shoot up the moment it comes out of your mouth. You honestly didn’t expect anything less - Kento is very observant and does well at reading people, so he knows you’re lying.

“Just chillin’?” he asks. The corner of his mouth twitches as if he’s trying to suppress a smile.

“Just chillin’.” 

Please go away, Kento.

The shake of his head tells you that he doesn’t plan on leaving anytime soon. At least, not before he wins the game of tug-of-war between you and the truth. You need to do something to make him let his guard down and leave you alone, as much as it pains you to think. Here he is, your raging crush, in all his glory, offering to help you, of all things, and you want nothing more than to turn him away.

Haibara would love this. He’d love seeing you suffer. He’d probably say something like, This is the perfect opportunity to get to know him.

Actually. Hold that thought. This is the perfect opportunity to get to know him. Ask Kento about himself and make small talk and he should be totally and completely charmed by you that he’ll forget that you’re halfway sunk into a staircase.

(Thank you, Version-of-Haibara-who-lives-in-your-head.)

“So,” you start, resting your cheek in the palm of your hand, your elbow on your knee (this just pushes your leg further into the stair, but you’ll do anything to appear nonchalant), “how goes the second task for the tournament?”

Kento doesn’t miss a beat.

“Let me help you.”

You shake your head adamantly. (Operation Ask-him-about-himself is a bust. At this point, you are beginning to realize that you are digging yourself a hole and once you are deep enough, the dirt that covers you will be your chagrin.) “I’m fine.”

He runs a hand through his parted blonde hair, the color of straw. Very pretty straw. (Who said that?) A sigh escapes his lips. “This isn’t as embarrassing as you think it is. You know that, right?”

You almost choke. See, you’d known he was a master at reading body language, but you hadn’t known just how good he was. Now you know, and it makes you feel oddly exposed. And also slightly humiliated because you thought you were doing a pretty bang up job of hiding your emotions.

“It’s not that!” you protest, trying to stand up as straight as you can. “Look at me, I really am fine here. Trust me.”

“You look like your calves are starting to burn,” he says.

You scoff. He’s too good. Your calves seem to light themselves on fire the moment he mentions it, and you bite back a grunt as you fix your stance.

He steps closer to you. His hand twinges at his side. You’re about ten inches away from him, and he’s down on his knee to be at eye level with you. If your family didn’t have a history of cardiac disease, you’re about to be at the start. Your heart begins to hammer in your chest, thumping erratically, like there’s something in there begging to be let out. The proximity is suffocating.

He holds your eye contact as if it’s a gun pointed to your head.

(You’ve had a crush on Nanami Kento ever since Year Four. You’d known that your best friend, Yu Haibara, was really close with Kento, having been together since they were kids, but you’d never asked Haibara to introduce you. You preferred to appreciate Kento from a distance, because, let’s be real, he would never notice you, let alone be interested in you the way you were into him. But then Haibara, unprovoked, mind you, had dragged you to the owlery one evening after classes during Year Six, and you’d come face-to-face with the boy you’d been dreaming about for years.

It had been an awkward conversation, more so for him than you. You had been quite a mess, stuttering and stumbling over your words, while he’d been the poster boy of tranquility and composition, and after a few minutes you’d excused yourself, feathers dusting your head, and rushed back to the common room, your face beet red because of a thousand emotions.

As uncomfortable as you’d felt that evening, you didn’t blame him for it (no, you’d done all that yourself) and continued to admire him from afar. Having him inches away from your face now is doing things to you.)

Your brain is running at a million miles per hour. You process everything the only way you know how: by making a list.

Nanami Kento, your crush of three years, is squatting in front of you, approximately ten inches away from your face. His hair is neatly parted, his sunburst eyes are trained on yours and his mouth is twisted slightly into what you can only assume is a smile.

You have had the misfortune of stepping onto the Forbidden Step, AKA one of many trick steps in the Grand Staircase that causes its victim’s leg to sink right through it. You wish you had been paying more attention.

The step has such a hold on your leg that you don’t see any other way out other than to accept help from someone else - in this case, Kento.

You have embarrassed yourself more times than you can count today, but the only person you’re really worried about is Kento. He’s your crush. You’ve always tried to act your best around him. Now he’s had the pleasure of seeing the following: a) Toji breaking you down to your blood status, b) you getting ready to scrap with Toji, c) you passing out (on command, you might add) for the sake of your self-respect the moment you saw Kento in the Great Halll, and now d) you stuck knee-deep in one of the steps, claiming you are just ‘chillin’’.

Having a crush is exhausting. You have to be orderly every moment of every day because you can’t do anything compromising for fear of losing whatever respect he has for you (it’s down to zero percent now, you’re sure).

You give up. You’re hungry, you’re tired, and you need help. The fact that it’s him there to assist by chance is not your business. You’ll take what you can get. Your reputation is already tarnished in his eyes anyways. If he’s offering out of the goodness of his heart or solely because he is the Head Boy and that’s what Head Boys do (you have no idea), who are you to argue? He’s your only chance, because the staircase seems otherwise deserted. How fortunate for you.

You exhale slowly. “My calves are burning,” you mutter, looking away.

“I thought you were just chillin’,” he says. Your eyes snap to his, and he’s smiling, enjoying your discomfort, but you’ll be damned if you don’t admit that he looks drop-dead handsome when he smiles. It feels like when the sun peeks out from behind the clouds after a period of rainfall.

Focus, please.

Before you say anything else, however, he reaches his hands out for you. You realize you’re still holding the tie in your hand and press it into his palm. The faint breeze dances across your sweaty palm, now free of the fabric. This is humiliating. You can’t hold his hands with the slick sweat. You wipe your palms on your robes hurriedly.

When you look back at him, ready to grab onto his arms, he’s looking at the spotted tie in his hand.

It’s silent for a few seconds, the sound of the cogs of his mind turning.

Kento looks up at you, his face strangely devoid of any emotion whatsoever. You can’t gauge what he’s thinking (then again, you are no connoisseur at reading people).

“Sure, I’ll go with you.”

Confusion floods into you like a dam had just broken. “Huh?”

He holds the tie up, the scrunched up fabric trailing limply. You cringe at the visual. “The Yule Ball,” he says simply. “I’ll be your date.”

You want to die. He cannot be serious. You never even asked him. It’s not like you don’t want to go with him - he is literally at the top of the list of potential dates, but he’s also at the top of the list of dates who would reject you (Toji is right beneath him) - so his words turn you inside out.

(If he’s serious, you’re 0 for 1 on your list of dates who’d reject you. That’s right, there are only two names on that list. Send help.)

You’re beginning to short-circuit. There’s only so much that can happen in a day before even you start to wear yourself out. This is just overkill.

Get it together, you hiss at yourself. You need to say something to clear up the misunderstanding. (Where did he even get this idea that you were asking him to the Ball? Was he asking you? No, that couldn’t be.)

“Oh. Oh, no, that’s not-”

“Aren’t you asking me?” he asks, arching a brow. He looks so innocent when he lifts the necktie again, as if that’s supposed to explain anything.

You make an attempt to grab the tie from him. That damn thing was the bane of your existence. “Give me that back. It’s hideous.”

He holds it just out of your reach. “No, it isn’t.”

You roll your eyes in exasperation. You’re sure you’d have it in your hands already if you weren’t buried in the innards of a staircase right now. Skill issue. “It is,” you insist, desperation creeping into your voice. “Don’t argue with me, Kento. And I don’t need you to come with me just because you feel bad for me. I know you saw everything earlier.”

“I did see everything with Fushiguro,” he admits. He lifts a shoulder. “I do feel bad-” When he sees your expression, your narrowed eyes, observing his every move, he holds his free hand out in a placating gesture. “I do,” he says slowly, “but that’s not why I want to go with you.”

That’s not why I want to go with you.

Want. Is he insane?

Keeping your cool is detrimental to the situation right now. “You’re a bad liar, Kento,” you say, shaking your head. His brows raise. “Now give me the tie back and we can forget this happened at all.”

It dawns on you just how stubborn and straightforward Nanami Kento is when he says he’s keeping the tie and drapes it over the back of his neck so it hangs like a scarf. It’s a gaudy contrast to the blue and silver of his tie, the crisp white t-shirt, the dark robes lined with that striking sapphire blue. He’s definitely out of his mind.

This is where you start to lose your calm (if that was even something you had) and your insecurities leak into your words.

“You cannot be serious, Kento,” you huff, spreading your arms. “You’re popular and handsome and smart and the Head Boy. You’ve probably got a ton of dates lined up for you. Go with one of them, okay?”

“Right. Because you’re going to ask Toji again?”

Wow. Just wow. He went there (he’s right to). He’s just like Haibara, if not even worse, though you don’t mind because it’s Nanami Kento. (That is a crappy excuse.)

Leave it to Kento to hit you with the cold, hard truth.

You take a minute, and avoid his gaze while you’re at it. There are a million things running through your mind. A billion, even.

First, Kento wants to go to the Ball with you. He thinks you were asking him. And he said yes. He also seems to be oddly attached to that ugly necktie. Even now, when you sneak a glance at him, he’s still squatting, but now he’s looking down at the ends of the tie, running his fingers along the silky fabric. He seems thoroughly entertained.

And let’s not forget how he completely violated you by bringing up your failure with Toji. You want to bury your head in the sand and become one with the hermit crabs.

If he wants to attend the Ball with you, let’s indulge. This is what you’ve wanted, after all. Maybe this time won’t be so awkward.

A knot forms in your stomach at the thought of being his date to the most anticipated event of the year. All eyes will be on him. And then all eyes will slide to the person next to him, and everyone will be thoroughly disappointed. You know everyone wants him to go with someone more popular, like Utahime, the Head Girl.

You decide to roll with it, swallowing all of your doubts and fears. There was no point in letting your thoughts fester over things other people wanted. You have Kento and you have a date to the Ball. (And, it seems that Kento isn’t going to make the Toji incident a big deal. That’s an automatic plus.)

You take a deep breath. Kento looks up at you, waiting.

“Okay,” you nod. “But I’m scrapping the whole matching accessories thing."

“No.”

You let out a scoff again. The audacity he has is immeasurable. It’s also slightly attractive (don’t tell Haibara).

“What?” you ask, hoping your ears were just malfunctioning.

“No.”

You narrow your eyes. “Is that all you say?”

His eyes widen for a millisecond before they slip back to normal. “No.” A flush crosses his face. “I mean, yes. I mean-” He pinches the bridge of his nose with a defeated sigh. “We’re keeping the tie and headband and we’re wearing them and we’re going to the Ball together, okay?”

He’s bold, you’ll give him that. Butterflies flutter about your stomach at his words. You feel like you’re in a dream (one of many that you’ve had before) and the only thing grounding you is the fact that you are literally grounded. In a step.

Still, you don’t like the necktie. A few hours ago you’d thought the tie was your magnum opus, but now, looking at it contrast against his house’s colors, all crinkled from you transferring all your stress (and sweat) into it, you decide that if he wants a tie, you’ll at least make it look better.

“Let me change the color,” you suggest. “It looks like Hufflepuff’s colors. I can do blue for you.”

“No.”

Here we go again.

“Give me a break,” you whine.

He shakes his head, looking at you as if he can’t believe you would even suggest such a blasphemous thing. “I like it as it is. It doesn’t need improvements.”

You try to protest, but his opinion is set in stone and he won’t be swayed. It’s infuriating, but you can’t bring yourself to argue with him about it anymore. You just want to be pulled out of the step and run along to the common room. Well, you’ll hit the kitchens first - Sukuna will be thrilled to hear about your trainwreck of a day.

You finally, despite how painful it is, agree to keep the necktie in its original form. (At this point it’s just to appease Kento.)

Still, you can’t help but make a playful jab at him (your stomach roils with fluttering). “I can’t believe you’re forcing me to go with you.”

He laughs, and it’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard. It’s a soft chuckle but you’ll take it. It feels like flowers blooming in the morning sun.

“I really am,” he says, smiling. His eyes are sparkling as he looks at you. You look away, your cheeks warming.

He holds his hands out for you. “Come on.”

You try to avert your eyes, blindly reaching for his arms - his strong, solid arms that you were gripping with all your might - and he holds onto yours as he pulls you out.

You groan as your foot is dislodged, the freedom almost akin to ecstasy, and subsequently stumble right into him with a grunt.

He catches himself with one hand on the banister and the other around your waist.

Your blood is rushing in your ears, your heart beating way too fast to be deemed normal, your face as red as a rose. You’re looking anywhere but at him. You can’t. You’re pressed against him, hands grabbing at his robes, and you can hear his heartbeat (which, for the record, was almost beating as fast as yours).

“Are you okay?” he asks softly, almost tenderly.

You step back, slightly woozy from the effort - you could have stayed in that position forever, you fear - and place a hand on the banister while you rub your leg. There’s definitely going to be a bruise tomorrow morning.

His hand lingers on your side for a moment before he lets go.

He’s looking at you. Those eyes that appeared to hold entire galaxies inside of them, swirling angrily, waiting to be released into the universe. Those same eyes that were also currently holding your gaze with a compassion that you didn’t know what to do with.

(You have wanted to be in this situation with Kento for years. Maybe not with the whole Toji thing or passing out or being stuck in the stairs, but definitely close to him, and most definitely to be going to the Ball as his date. But now that you have it in the palm of your hand, you have no idea what you’re supposed to be doing. You’ll just have to freeball it.)

“I’m fine,” you say quietly, your voice cracking (how embarrassing). “Thank you.” Your smile looks more like a grimace than anything else. He probably sees it too, that’s why his lips quirk up.

He nods. “Okay, then.” He flaps his hands at his sides, and it’s oddly endearing, because he looks like a kid who doesn’t know what to do with his hands. “I’ll see you in class, then?”

“Yeah.” You give him a thumbs up. (You don’t know why you did that.)

He chuckles again. (You’re elated at the fact that you’ve made Nanami Kento laugh twice, which is more than the amount of times you’ve actually seen him laugh outside of this interaction.) “Try not to pass out anytime soon,” he says, then starts to go up the stairs, his shoulder brushing against yours as he passes. Your body tenses at the contact.

You’re already blushing from his little jab, but when he stops and says, “And just so you know, I took points from Slytherin because of what Fushiguro called you,” you almost drop down from a heart attack.

There is no way Kento is real. He’s so- ugh. He’s a drug and you’re high on him. (You can only imagine what it’ll be like at the Ball if this is how you’re acting around him after only about half an hour.)

You clear your throat. You turn, but his back is facing you.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you call out.

He shrugs, and looks at you. “I wanted to.” He keeps walking up the steps, then pauses. “And I can. So I did.”

And then he’s gone, onto the next flight of steps, leaving you standing there in utter disbelief, clutching the banister with a bruising grip.

Nanami Kento is going to be your undoing.

You make your way down the stairs to the kitchens, your brain feeling like it's been mixed into a slushie. Your thoughts are all over the place and the only thing you can really recall is that you’re somehow going to the Yule Ball with Head Boy Nanami Kento as your date. 

What you need right now is a nice warm meal and someone to talk to who isn’t Haibara (because you wouldn’t hear the end of it from him) and you know just who to go to.

The kitchens of Hogwarts have always been something of a safe haven to you. When everything is too much to handle - the studying, the extracurriculars, the infinite trials that come with dealing with people - the kitchens have got your back. Plus, the house-elves don’t judge, they love to make conversation (most of them), and hey, it’s free food. What’s better than free food? (And the fact that no one really cares about the kitchens, which is sad, but it works in your favor when you want to run away from people.)

You’ve always thought the way to get into the kitchens is bizarre, and that’s saying something since you’re literally in a school that teaches magic. The whole tickling pear thing is really pushing it. Why can’t it be something like waving your wand around in front of the portrait while saying something like Fruit basket, fruit basket on the wall, let me in so I can eat it all? (Honestly, the lack of imagination is insulting.)

Unfortunately for you, tickling the pear is the only way in, so you comply (but you are anything but happy about it).

You turn the handle and open the door.

The lights are brighter than the sun, and you squint, trying to adjust. You can’t see yet, but you can hear, and smell, and right then you can hear the sounds of trays being set down onto the countertops, of feet pattering across the tiled floor, of soups and broths bubbling in huge pots, the scents of freshly baked bread, ground spices, roasted meat and, oddly, the smell of buttercream frosting as it’s piped onto cupcakes.

When your eyes deem themselves ready to open, you see the elves running around the vast area of the kitchen, all in a rush, all busy. They’re all wearing aprons and tea towels with the Hogwarts insignia on them, some splattered with flour and sauces, others clean and bright.

You’re looking for one elf in particular, though you’re quite familiar with all of them by now (you’ve had seven years to get acquainted with them - it’d be pretty embarrassing if you couldn’t tell them all apart from each other in a lineup).

As you peer deeper into the kitchen, through the pots and pans and utensils, someone calls out to you. Your attention snaps to the voice.

“Here to get some sandwiches, young lady?” Eso asks as he cuts the bread in half. He smiles at you brightly, and you smile back. Eso is three feet tall, give or take, with a small tuft of dark hair that he spikes with cornstarch (his words, not yours) and grey eyes as large as tennis balls. (You have never told him, but since the other house-elves don’t grow hair like he does, you’ve always referred to his pride and joy as the Handful of Hair That Could. He’d probably snap his fingers and transfigure you if you ever told him, though.)

You shake your head. “Not hungry,” you say, walking over to him, still scanning the room for the one elf you’d come to speak with. “What kind of sandwiches are these?”

He cuts the bread and holds up one for you to see. You don’t really get a good look because of how fast he’s moving and so all you catch is a bit of lettuce, and you nod and say it seems tasty.

Eso gives you a quick huff, as if it could be anything but delicious.

Your eyes catch on an elf moving at what you can only assume are supersonic speeds near the ovens.

Bingo. You make your way over, greeting the other house-elves as you try not to mess their flow up.  Some of them offer you something to eat, but you decline - your stomach is still disagreeing with you ever since the staircase and Kento.

“Hello, Sukuna,” you greet, sliding next to him.

He’s one of the older house-elves; he’s been around for a long time and has seen things you couldn’t even begin to imagine. He can come off as gruff and dismissive, but after you’d befriended him out of sheer persistence you’d realized that he was quite the sweetheart deep down. (Now that you think about it, he probably just gave up on trying to repel you and is now just entertaining you for the sake of it. Ah, what the hell, sure, you’ll take it.)

He looks up and sees you smiling down at him. You try to crouch, or, to take a page from Kento’s book, squat so that you’re not towering over him, but he waves you off. He hates it when you try to stoop to his level. Literally.

Sukuna’s skin is reminiscent of a manila folder, and it looks about as strong as the contents of such a folder - easily torn. That doesn’t mean he’s weak. Absolutely not. No, Sukuna is quite possibly one of the strongest people you’ve ever met. The guy can lift a whole oven with one hand. One hand. It gags you every time.

His eyes are a different story. He’s the first elf you’ve seen whose irises are the deep shade you only find in the purest of the purest garnets. You could get lost in them if you stared for too long, it’s almost hypnotizing.

“Young miss,” he says, setting down a tray of dough on top of the oven. He’s waiting for the batch inside to be done (yet another thing you wonder about - why can’t they just use magic to cook the food?). “What brings you here today?”

You shrug, trying not to vomit out all the reasons at once. “I always come here.”

He gives you a skeptical look, his brows raised, unimpressed. “Unlike Master Geto,” he mutters under his breath, getting back to work.

At the mention of Hogwarts’ champion Geto Suguru, your eyes widen. “What about him?”

Sukuna shrugs. “Master Geto always comes in here and steals food.”

You bite back a laugh. “You know, that would be right, actually.” As true as it sounds, you feel the need to defend Suguru’s honor. “He’s a nice person, you know,” you say (even though you barely know him). “He’s the champion of Hogwarts for the Triwizard-”

“We are all well aware,” Sukuna cuts in. He snaps his fingers and the oven door opens, blasting you with heat. You jump back with a yelp, shielding your face with your arm.

While he works to put in a new batch of pastries, he continues, “Master Geto brought a young lady with him the other night. They had some of the eclairs together and drank tea and then left.”

Your brows raise. “I didn’t know anyone else came to the kitchens,” you murmur.

The house-elf catches your gaze, which is focused on the tiled floor, and smiles. “You’re still a regular here, young miss.”

You realize how pathetic you must look to him. (Is it time to make another list, this time of things to tell, AKA rant about, to Sukuna? You should hold off on the lists for a moment.)

There’s a stool in the far corner; a small three-legged thing that wobbles on one end. You move over and drag it a bit closer to the ovens, not so close that you’ll get hit with the heat again and burn your face off, but close enough that Sukuna won’t have to strain to hear you and have to stop what he’s doing to listen (if he even cares).

You begin to tell him about your day, from asking Toji out to Haibara making you think about things you’d rather not to Kento finding you stuck in the steps. While you speak, he replies with a grunt or mutters something under his breath (still unsure if he’s talking to you or not). 

It feels good to get it all off your chest. And Sukuna doesn’t hold back with his opinions and he’s not biased. He’s perfect for a fresh set of eyes and ears on your dilemma.

When you’re done, you’re practically out of breath, and your ears are burning, not from the heat, but from your embarrassment.

Sukuna takes a minute, tending to the pastries, before he turns to you, crossing his arms over his chest. His ears, resembling that of a bat’s, flutter for a moment while he thinks of how to reply back to you.

After a minute, he sighs, tossing you a fresh pastry. You catch it, raising your brows in confusion.

“Master Nanami is a bright young man,” he says slowly, his eyes running over your face, probably trying to see if you’ll have any reaction to his words. You do, you get even redder. He smiles, almost triumphantly. “Sukuna thinks you’re being ridiculous about everything.”

You sit up straighter, feeling insulted. You’d just opened up your heart and soul to the house-elf who was practically one of your closest friends (only from your end) and this was the thanks you get? Being told you’re overreacting. How dare he. Why you ought to-

Sukuna knows what you’re about to say before you even say it. He always does. Perks of being old, you assume.

He holds a hand up. “Eat the pastry, young miss,” he says. “It’ll help you see things clearer.”

(Turns out you were just hangry. Sukuna really had you thinking he had psychic abilities and whatnot, what with being able to tell you just needed to eat something to feel better. And you’re fighting demons to even admit this, but the pastry tasted like heaven on earth.)

So Sukuna thinks you’re being an idiot about the whole thing. Whatever. He doesn’t know what it was like being in the Great Hall with Toji. He doesn’t know what it was like having Kento obsess over that stupid tie while you were stuck deep inside of a step. The next time you see Sukuna (in a few hours) you’re going to give him a piece of your mind (no, you aren’t). For the time being, you’re left to figure out how you’re going to survive the Yule Ball because, and it hits you like an eighteen-wheeler going one-twenty miles an hour, you don’t know how to dance.

(In retrospect, maybe Toji rejecting you is a good thing, because you can’t even begin to imagine how he’d react when you tell him you don’t know how to do a simple waltz. He’d drop you as his date, no doubt, leaving you scrambling for someone else who’s willing to teach you.)

A/N: thank you so much for reading, i really hoped you liked this chapter! i know it was quite long, i promise the others will be between 3-6k tops, save for one other chapter. i really have to thank @gojover for quite literally pulling me out of my cave and hyping me up to write. (sometimes with a gun to my head /j) and allow me to give @admiringlove a shout out for being yet another one of my cheerleaders. (art by elitamasan on X)

[derinwrites]

Do you have any advice for writing in a web serial format?

Let’s look at this in two sections – the business part, and the actual writing part.

The Business Part

1. Consistency. Consistency in updates. Have a schedule and STICK TO IT.

If your schedule is too hectic and starts affecting your health or otherwise adversely affecting your life, change the schedule; update less often. Don’t update in spurts and then randomly stop. The audience will far more easily tolerate a slow schedule than an inconsistent one; an inconsistent one will lose many readers. You’re not Andrew Hussie and you can’t get away with that bullshit.

There may be times where you need to take a hiatus due to some emergency, life event, or health condition. This is fine – your wellbeing is more important than your story. But you need to be up-front with your audience about this; tell them you’re taking a hiatus and tell them exactly how long it’s going to be. If you can, you should tell them in advance (this isn’t possible for things like a car accident, but is very possible if you’re planning to, say, move house in a month). If you’re taking too many hiatuses, then it’s better to slow down your schedule and update less often. Audiences prefer fast and consistent, but if they have to choose, slow is better than inconsistent.

The #1 helper to consistency is having a big buffer – that is, have several weeks’ worth of unpublished chapters. The length of your buffer is personal taste, but I like to keep mine as long as possible so that if there’s some problem that stops me from writing for several weeks, it won’t upset the schedule. It keeps my stress down to know that I have that leeway. Other writers prefer to only write a week or two ahead, though, so different things work for different people.

2. Decide on your monetisation system early and prioritise it.

The most popular and most effective method for monetising a web serial seems to be the patronage method, which is the one I use. You set up a patreon, ko-fi, or whatever sponsorship system you prefer, and offer rewards to those who support you. Having their names in a credit list and getting access to advance chapters are very common rewards. Some people also lock access to their discord behind a paywall, or offer extra stories or let supporters name story characters.

This model is not the only way to make money from web serials. Some people make money via advertising, or selling merchandise, or use the web serial itself to advertise stories that they sell. You can of course use several revenue streams – you can have both a patreon/ko-fi and run ads on your website (I don’t because I hate ads, but you can), or start selling merch related to your story once there’s a demand for it. Many web serial authors (including myself) sell their completed works as books. But the important thing here is that one of these systems will be your main system, and you need to know what it is and behave accordingly. If you run ads AND have a patreon, are you more focused on ad revenue or patreon revenue? You’re going to have to put your time and attention into one of them over the other. You’re going to have to make decisions that will help one and harm the other. So know in advance which one is most important to you.

You don’t have to monetise your story at all, of course. Plenty of people write fiction on the internet for free every day with no thought to making an income at all. But if you’re serious about this, I would recommend monetising it, because that makes a better and more consistent product. The reason I’m still able to keep writing these year after year is that my supporters pay my mortgage; without Patreon and ko-fi, I’d have to get a different job, and wouldn’t have time or energy to write consistently. Also, the reason I can write and update even when I don’t feel like it, and the reason I always push to make my stories as good as possible even when I’m not interested, is because I owe it to my supporters who are paying me real actual money to read my work. If I didn’t owe my readers anything, none of these stories would ever get finished, because writing is only fun about half of the time.

3. Don’t expect to be able to turn this into a career.

This advice sounds silly coming from me, who has through sheer luck, as well as the generosity and passion of my readers, somehow turned this into a career. But I need to emphasise that that luck is not typical. Most web serial writers will not be able to support themselves solely with their writing. It can make a good side hustle, but if your primary goal is “low barrier to entry work-from-home career where I don’t have to answer to a boss and can support myself comfortably,” then web serial writing is usually all of those things except the last one. There’s no harm in trying to turn this into a career – I did it, as have many other web serial authors – but don’t expect that result, is all I’m saying.

Still, if you can do it, it does have a lot of advantages.

4. Don’t expect to make money fast.

I remember when I finally started making an entire $100/month on Patreon. It was a fantastic day.

It was when I’d been writing web serials for four years.

5. Your most valuable resource is your readership.

Your readership will grow and gather momentum over time. The best business decisions you can make are those that grow your readership and allow your readers to participate in community, even if you have to give up opportunities to make money to do it.

A good example of this is discord. Some people have private discords that only their patrons can access; while this is a useful anti-spam and anti-harassment tool, I don’t recommend doing this if you don’t have a major spam or harassment problem. Some people will pay for discord access, yes, so you might get a handful of extra dollars per month that way – however, you will also get a far less active discord. When it comes to readers, population density is critically important; the more activity, the more people talking about your work together (or talking about anything and bonding with each other), the better. Plenty of people have joined my free discord just because it was there and only read my stories after seeing people talk about them there. Then they go and get their friends to read the stories. Enthusiastic readers are inherently valuable, and the best thing you can do is give them the resources they need to talk to each other and share their interest.

This principle applies to a lot of things. I have a lot of free stories on my website that aren’t the usual web serials, and more than once I’ve considered whether they should be paywalled. The answer I always land on is ‘no’; I couldn’t tell you how many readers have been roped into my web serials because they liked Copy <|> Paste, or The Void Princess, or Drops of Blood. These readers may or may not then become monetary supporters, but even the ones who don’t will increase activity and discussion about the stories, have fun and tell jokes in the discord, and may even produce fanart. A thriving community is always going to be more valuable to you than a few extra dollars; make sure to support them accordingly.

Your readership will start very small. In terms of marketing, this is your hardest time. A big readership does the majority of the marketing for you, but when you’re on your own, it takes a lot to convince anyone to give your stories a shot. It helps if you have an existing readership to leverage, which is what I did – I’d been writing Animorphs fanfiction on AO3 for years, and many of my first readers followed me over from there. If you have such a community that already has faith in your writing, leverage it. If you don’t, you can gain one my writing in a place where people go to read stories similar to your work, such as an appropriate subreddit, or a web serial site like Royal Road or Scribblehub. You are looking to gain as high a number of enthusiastic, engaged readers as possible.

And now, the fun part – the actual craft!

The Writing Part

1. Always remember that you are writing for two audiences

A web serial author has to keep two audiences in mind; the serial readers, and the bingers. You are writing a story that needs to be fun and engaging when read very slowly, at the pace of whatever your update schedule is, but that also needs to be interesting when read all at once.

This is not an easy task.

It’s something I fucked up pretty significantly with Curse Words, which was my first attempt at this. Curse Words has a lot of complicated political stuff happening throughout pretty much the whole story, as well as a complex save-the-world plot that’s reliant on a lot of secrets, mysteries and extremely speculative information. With so many wheels spinning, I decided to make the protagonist not particularly smart and move him very slowly through the plot to make sure that the reader would be able to keep up.

This was a mistake.

‘Pretty slow and simple’ at a novel reader’s pace is torturous at a web serial pace. Readers got a full week to discuss the mysteries and implications of each chapter with each other, doing the detective work of ten chapters between each one. The frustration with Kayden’s slow pace was clear, and he came across as an outright idiot rather than an average teen. Personally, I think this lesson was one of the biggest reasons for the difference in quality between Curse Words and Time to Orbit. Don’t slow down for your audience; they’re already slowed down by your update schedule.

At the same time, though, you don’t want to move so fast that you lose the bingers. You can’t assume that your readers will have time between chapters, or that they will discuss each chapter with other readers, or that they will go back over previous chapters looking for clues. Interested people reading update by update will do this, but bingers absolutely will not. So you still need to make sure that everything is comprehensible on a binge read with no backchecking or outside investigation.

My advice on this matter is to move as fast as possible, but take care to make sure that readers are reminded of everything important a few chapters before it comes into play. That way, both audiences can keep up. If you have to make a decision, it’s best to favour your update readers; they’re your most active community. They’re doing the up-to-date discussion, and probably doing the most word-of-mouth and fanart, although binge readers will do that too (I have plenty of dedicated readers who wait five or six weeks to binge a bunch of chapters on purpose, just because that’s their preferred reading style, and they’re still very engaged). But if you plan to publish your story later as a complete work, you also need to keep in mind how it’s going to read as a binge – and also, new readers will binge the earlier chapters of your story to catch up to the current one, so make sure it’s a good experience for them or they won’t get a chance to become update readers.

Two audiences. Mind your pacing and information reveals accordingly.

2. Chapter length

The general rule of web serials is that the more often you update, the shorter your chapters should be. The generally agreed ‘sweet spot’ is 1-1.5k words, 3 times a week, but this depends heavily on individual style. I update once or twice a week (depending on what stories I’ve got going) and try to keep my chapters between 2 and 2.5k words. If you update once a month, your sweet spot is probably about 10k words.

Don’t hold religiously to what other people tell you the ideal word count is – this will vary drastically with genre and personal style – but it’s best to try to stay fairly consistent. It’s not always possible to stay exactly on target because the best break points between chapters will vary (I’ve got 1.8k chapters and 3.5k chapters), but readers like to be able to predict about how long an update will be and they like it to not vary too wildly too often. As with choosing your update schedule, choosing your chapter length will depend on what suits your personal schedule, and what suits the story you’re writing.

“The shorter the chapter, the more frequent the updates” is a good rule for attracting the widest audience. Short, infrequent chapters will have a lot of readers losing interest between updates; long, frequent ones will have a lot of readers feeling overwhelmed. But the most important thing is finding something that you can consistently output year after year (remember, it took me 4 years to make $100/month; this is a long game).

3. It’s a TV show, not a movie

This advice is less useful in our age of Marvel movie franchises and made-to-binge Netflix series, so pretend I’m talking to you in the year 2010 or earlier. If a novel is a movie, a web serial is a TV show. What I mean by that is that a novel is shaped primarily as a complete experience, whereas a web serial is shaped as a chapter-by-chapter experience.

It’s best, in both cases, to have a well structures and paced story that is made of well structured and paced chapters. But sometimes you have to choose between the structure or a chapter and the structure of the story as a whole; making one better will cheapen the other. When you’re writing a novel, you should choose the structure of the whole, but when you’re writing a web serial, you should choose the structure of the chapter. Web serial readers will prefer a chained series of excellent chapters, over a beautiful story of chapters with mediocre individual structure.

In fact, whether you want a structure to the overall story at all is personal taste. My stories have strong overall structure and move towards a planned conclusion because that’s how I prefer to write (and it also makes the story bingeable, since it’s basically a novel being released really slowly), but plenty of web serials out there have no real planned ending and will wander about for years and years in no obviously consistent direction, occasionally throwing in a big twist or major change to freshen things up. These would make absolutely horrible novels, but make very popular web serials. Whether you write like me or like them, the rule is the same – the experience of each individual chapter takes priority.

Come to think of it, this might be why people call my stories “ADHD crack”…

4. Okay, so how do I structure a good chapter?

I generally try to do three things in every chapter.

- Hit the ground running

- Give them something new

- End on an open question

Hit the ground running – Unless it’s the very first chapter of the story, you don’t have to be coy getting into the action. Open the chapter as if it’s the middle of the chapter; start at full momentum. Catch the high point of the last chapter before it falls. It your last chapter ended with “We checked the fingerprints on the candlestick. It’s Colonel Mustard.” then you can start this one with “But he was in the library at the time!”, you don’t need to recap or slow down or anything.

Give them something new – Every chapter should give the reader at least one thing to talk and think about. A new choice, some new information, a shift in perspective, whatever. People are reading these updates one at a time so it is vital that they feel like they got something out of the experience. A chapter in which nothing is learned will make readers feel like their time was wasted, and they have all the time until next update to reflect on that.

This is also true of a novel, but it’s much more critical in a web serial. A novel with nothing chapters in it is just frustratingly slow-paced; a web serial with nothing chapters in it leaves the reader feeling cheated for long stretches of time.

The thing to talk about doesn’t necessarily have to be a big plot reveal or major advancement. An incredibly cute scene, or sad scene, or funny scene will work just as well. But you have to give them SOMETHING. If you’re giving them nothing, consider cutting the chapter entirely and integrating any important foreshadowing or whatever into the next chapter.

One major hurdle of mine with this rule is recap chapters. If you’re writing a very complex plot over a long period of time, you need ways to occasionally take stock and make sure everyone is on the same page and nobody’s forgotten or misinterpreted anything important. This information can be recapped or conveyed in the middle of an action sequence or something, but I personally find that putting other stuff in the scene makes it too distracting and therefore less effective. I like to literally just sit the heroes down in a room and have them go, “okay, we’re spinning a lot of threads at once right now; what do we know, what are we trying to figure out, and what are our next steps?” This is the literary equivalent of the save point or room full of health packs right before a boss battle. Game designers don’t put that room there to be nice; they do it so that they know exactly how much health you’re going to have going into the battle, and can structure it accordingly.

You can make these chapters entertaining with character banter, but you can’t really introduce new threads to talk about, except possibly as a twist right at the end. Introducing new information mid-recap distracts from the recap and makes it pointless. You might have something similar in your stories, chapters that are essential but don’t give the reader anything new to work with.

My advice for these is to just bite the bullet on this one. Release the chapter with nothing new to talk about. You can get away with doing this occasionally, if the chapter has a clear purpose (I get a lot of readers tell me that they appreciate my recap chapters). Readers who get nothing out of the chapter will shrug and talk about older stuff instead, so long as you only do this occasionally. But a chapter with no new information has a cost in opportunity and in reader patience, so only pay it if the chapter’s worth it.

End on an open question– End the chapter with a reason for the reader to come back. You want them to think about the story afterward and be eager to read the next chapter when it comes out. Adhering to this principle is probably why I have such a reputation for cliffhangers, although truth be told I don’t use nearly as many actual cliffhangers as people say, I just try to end by opening a question. By that I mean, the audience should always end a chapter asking a question, which can be something that will span dozens of chapters (“How can Colonel Mustard’s fignerprints be on the candlestick? Is he being framed? Does this mean that the candlestick was in the library and isn’t even the murder weapon?”) or span a single paragraph (“How will the narrator react to learning that Colonel Mustard lied about never touchign the candlestick?”) This could be the emotional height of a scene, or the point at which new information recontextualises everything. It could be the moment where the stakes are raised or an important assumption turns out to be false. Anything that makes the audience eager to learn what happens next will do.

There should always be at least one open question in your story, more if it’s thematically appropriate. You know how mmorpgs and crafting games and suchlike keep you playing for hours and hours by making sure you’re always near the end of an activity – keep playing til you reach the next level, oh but now we’re nearly at the end of this quest so we should complete that, oh but now we’re just 20 gold short of being able to buy that cool new armour so we should just… same trick. Readers should always have at least one ‘quest’, an open question that they’re following, and should always be close to an answer.

You don’t have to dramatically introduce an entirely new question each time; you can end a chapter by reminding the reader of an existing open question. I tend to be a fan of the Big Dramatic Reveal On The Last Line method (cliffhanger reputation), but you don’t have to do it that way. Indeed, it’s a good idea not to do it that way every single time, lest you get stuck in a rut; every chapter ending doesn’t have to be incredibly tense and snappy. Somebody mentioning that they wish they knew how they could get enough food to make it through the winter before a full paragraph of cuddling and falling asleep in their mother’s arms works just as well.

5. It will help if your story is good, but it isn’t required.

You don’t have to be very good at writing to do this.

It helps to be good at writing, of course, and I assume that since you’re asking me for tips, you’re the sort of person who wants to be as good at writing as you can. But there is some true hack garbage out there doing absolute numbers in the web serial circuit. I try not to harp on about this too much because Curse Words fans get really upset at me when I do, but I think most of us can agree that Curse Words kind of sucks. And that just sucks in an ‘author is still learning how to do this’ kind of way; there’s much worse writing, real bullshit Ready Player One-level writing, trucking along out there brilliantly.

The point I’m trying to make here is that this isn’t an industry where there’s any value in hesitating and wringing your hands and asking yourself if you’re a good enough writer to do it yet. You are. You can just start writing a web serial right now and so long as you consistently update, you’re probably already above average for the market. And your first one probably will suck (mine did), but it’ll teach you how to make a better one. I think that Time to Orbit: Unknown is passably okay, and it absolutely would not be passably okay if I hadn’t written Curse Words first. Just go for it. Try to write a quality story if you can, but if you can’t, it’s honestly not that big of a deal. What matters, truly matters, is that you are committed to improving your craft. And that means actually practicing your craft. Which means writing some chapters and setting up a release schedule.

Good luck.

[electricwhims]

Canon Event Pose Pack

Today's posepack is actually a very old one! From earlier in the year! I decided to revisit it when a friend of mine asked for poses like these. I was like: "Hey, maybe they'll be useful after all! I couldn't be bothered to add all in ones, sorry, but at least they're out now! It's of two sims, one is thinking too hard and one is crying too hard to notice the other is coming and they BUMP into each other. Hence the title.

TELEPORTER SHENANIGANS

For pose 1, the teleporters are separate, but facing each other, that way you can decide how far away you want them to be. The rest are in one teleporter.

If you have any issues, please let me know!

Includes: -2 Single Poses, 4 Couple Poses, (And sorry! No all-in-ones because it is old!)

What You Need: -Andrew’s Pose Player -Teleport Any Sim, -This Planner/Notebook Accessory by @mel-bennett

TOU: -Do not reupload -Do not put these poses behind a paywall -Do not edit my poses. You may add extra poses to the pack for personal use ONLY, but do NOT distribute them without asking. IF THESE TOUs ARE VIOLATED I WILL BLOCK YOU ON ALL PLATFORMS

If you use them, please tag me on here or on Instagram @electric.whims Not a requirement, but I do want to see! !

@ts4-poses

DOWNLOADS: SIMSFILESHARE (Free, No adfly)

[yaut-jaknowit]

Okay but now I started thinking on how would an argument with Gawtin go? Also, glad to be back to pester you💪

An Argument with Gawtin

Pairing: Gawtin (Female Yautja) x GN!Reader

Word Count: 1247 (Couldn't help it)

Summary: Like dominos falling in line, things build up until the dam can't handle it. The stress, the cracks. The two of you are a tornado, feeding off of each other.

Author Note: I decided to do this a little different than I usual do this. I have off feelings about angst, like arguments and you might see it here. To be honest, Gawtin doesn't get anger often, rarely at all. Thank you Kissmyaft! I love it when you come to give me phenomenal ideas such as this!

P.s. I decided to create a Kofi since I believe my page has grown to a reasonable amount. If you want tip or buy me a coffee, you're more than welcome to. If you don't want to, that's okay! I make my content free because I know the frustrations when the good shit is hidden behind paywalls. My Kofi link is on my Masterlist page

Masterlist

Ao3

Part 2

Honestly, Gawtin and Reader don’t fight very often. Some disagreements, of course. Some miscommunications. We are talking about two different species, cultures.

But Gawtin doesn’t like to feed into anger. She, like most other females, are cooler minded than their male counterparts. They know how to discuss their issues than result to straight violence. Fights do break out when no one can’t come to an agreement. Nothing that could kill the other though.

When an argument happens, it’s when both are at end of their lines. Gawtin is stressed out from Qui’oky or something with the village. She brings it home with her unfortunately.

Reader has had some trouble still adapting to the new planet or being homesick or worrying over Gawtin. That sets off Gawtin even more. The two of them feeding on each other’s energy.

Reader wants to be left alone, unsure if someone around will help them. In the heat of the moment, words are exchanged. Unfortunately.

Gawtin, no matter how enraged she ever becomes will never, ever, hit you. Yes, for Yautjas, fighting and violence is normal. But you aren’t Yautja. You are weaker than her. It’s just fact. She’s okay with that.

“Can you just fuck off already?” you snapped when Gawtin entered your art room. The door had slid back to reveal the hulking green form that made up Gawtin. Her purple eyes pinned on you sitting at your desk, trying to distract yourself.

Like two demons feeding on each other, you consumed the other’s energy. Like a tornado starting to form or even a hurricane. She had arrived home, pissed off. Someone had gotten under her skin and caused her to be a raging bitch currently. As her wonderful mate, you wanted nothing more to rid her of this unease.

But she just threw it all back in your face.

Qui’oky was set down for a cranky nap in Gawtin’s room. Poor thing sounded tired from missing a nap from this morning. He kept fussing for a bit. Since you knew Gawtin wasn’t wanting to speak with you when she dismissed you harshly, you just went to hide away in your art room. The safe haven that she had gifted to you once she took notice of your skill of wielding a pencil.

A gruff scoff met your ears. You huffed with a roll of your eyes but kept your sight on the blank page before you. It felt not only was that taunting you but Gawtin too. She had to come in here after dismissing you. Didn’t just say she didn’t want you around her and to go away? Dismissed like a measly pet.

“All you do is whine,” she grunted back at you. You head whipped up, back still towards the Yautja. Your nostrils flared in an attempt not to spin around give a piece of your mind. All the shit she’s made you put up with from the first day you met her in that damn forest. For all that you cared for, you could’ve just left her to bleed out! Or let the fucking soldiers take her!

Instantly, you felt regret at the thought and tried to calm yourself down. That didn’t stop the need to cry rise up inside of you.

“Well, you ruined fucking everything in my normal life,” you returned fire, hand grasping the pencil. The wood groaned at the pressure. Your knuckles turning white.

Another scoff. Soft, pitter-patter of feet glided across the floor until the beast was hovering behind you. Her blazing heat boring down on your hunched over form. “Ruined? I’ve given you everything as my mate. How have I ruined ‘everything’?”

A massive palm was placed on the small open space on the desk. This allowed her to bend her body more over you, blanketing you in her shadow. The pencil creaked again. “By taking me here! I don’t belong here. You took me from everything. My home. My family. My friends.”

“I think you are misremembering things, ooman. It was your choice to come with me. You saved me, I could not kill you after I owe you my life and Qui’oky. Why are you so angry?” she growled, nails digging into the wood of your table. That seemed to tick you off more. She was destroying your things.

“I have a right to be angry! You ruined everything. My life is forever stuck here because of you. I’ll die here, on a planet so far from home,” you bite out then finally whipped around in your chair to face her. Gawtin did not move. She stayed sturdy like an oak tree. You bumped into her only to be knocked against your table. It was the only thing holding you up. That didn’t stop you from glaring the Yautja right in the eye and baring your teeth. Something you learned from your time in her culture.

Her mandibles bristled at the sight. A growl starting deep in her chest as she glared down at your unwavering form. “Then, go back. Leave. Go back. Go back home.” That last word was spat out with such disgust, spit hitting your face.

Realization smacked you harder, harder than anyone or thing could. Words said in the heat of the moment but she was telling you to leave. This wasn’t your home, not in her eyes. And that hurt. You felt the way your chest tightened and twisted like a serrated knife lodged there. Tears, hot and burning pooled in your eyes, throat threatening to close up.

Gawtin grunted and leaned down so close her mandibles barely brushed against your cheeks. “Are you going to cry now?” she mocked with a look of distain on her alien face. When you took a deep breath in to cool your nerves, your breath hitched, catching on the lump building in your throat. By god, you were on the verge of breaking down right in front of her.

Something you refused to do. You steeled your nerves, stood up, shoulders back, and got impossibly closer to her face. An act she wasn’t expecting. “Get out.” She raised her gem-studded brow. “Get out!” you shouted at Gawtin, full force. This was your area, your space, your safe haven in this fucked up world you’ve been brought to. Somewhere to go.

Chittering cries echoed out in the hall. Shit. Your breath hitched. Qui’oky had been awoken by your yelling. Guilt dripped into your veins at the sound of his crying. Gawtin huffed that ended in a throaty growl before standing up and marching out of the room.

Once the door slid closed behind her, your whole body nearly went completely lax. Anger still simmered beneath your skin. Yet, sorrow followed in its wake. You bowed your head to calm yourself before plopping down in your seat. The chair squeaking at the new weight. You hated arguing. With her of all people too.

In your hand, you let the pencil go. It’s now shattered pieces falling onto the wooden table. You groaned and placed your head in your hands, fretting over how to fix this.

Hot, fresh tears wettened the wood underneath you. ‘Go back home.’ You flinched as Gawtin’s words echoed back at you in the silence of your room. Qui’oky’s voice barely coming through the door. You clutched your hair at the thought of her not wanting you anymore. Had you just ruined everything?

Heh, it wasn’t her that ruined everything. No. You just did that.

[snderist]

hey guys! after pondering for a while and debating with one of my moots lol, i've decided to get back to uploading sim dumps! this time a little different. i'll be taking personal requests. you can request a sim made fully vanilla (no cc) or a sim with cc! if you do choose to request a vanilla sim, i can create a sim for you based off the packs you own! here's an example on how to request a sim from me :)

if you're requesting a sim, i'd like you to obviously have full control over your sim's background. please send your requests only through my ask box!! make sure to include these things: age, gender, species, race, ethnicity, traits, aspiration, style/aesthetic, likes & dislikes (you can choose them yourself as well as the traits but if you'd like to save time, i'd suggest you include it in your request). also remember to include other preferences, such as if you want a vanilla sim, a sim with tattoos/piercings, their body shape, weight, hair color, etc. be as creative as possible and i'll handle the rest! put the date you'd like your sim to be published to you, and you're done! ** please note i will only make one everyday outfit for sim dumps, all other outfit slots will be empty so your sim might be naked in other fits lols **

DON'T:

-claim or upload as your own (even in the gallery)

-place my sims behind a paywall

-share or upload cc files ** please respect the tou of the cc creators' items that were used with these sims **

-request or upload a sim for any gameplay submissons

DO:

-tag me if you post your sim / a sim made from my sim dumps

-share your sim's backstory with me (i love hearing about the stories you make for your sims)

-use your sim in legacy challenges (i 100% don't mind if you decide to use a sim i made for you in a legacy challenge, just please respect the first rule in the 'dont' section!!)

--------------------------------------------

that's it and that's all! follow me for updates, and make sure to check back for dumps!

~ mucho besos, ana <3

[siyabsimmer]

‘Happy Vibes Art’ – CC painting

‘5 days of Christmas 2023’ – Day 4

Hello, everyone!

Guess what? – It’s another recolour! After first try was successful, I decided to try some more. I thought of what kind of funny art would me or my characters put in their homes, and here’s what came to mind!

It’s a BGC painting with a black frame and 11 swatches of different art/motivational pics/whatever you wanna call them.

All the credit for the art itself goes to the original creators, I simply found it on Pinterest.

TOU:

Do not reupload my content.

Do not claim as your own.

Do not put behind a paywall

Download (sfs) - link

Download (Boosty) – link

@alwaysfreecc

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

...

Okay, before I give my two cents about this subject, let me give the info of what is actually going on in this article, because it is behind a paywall and I somebody needs to show what it is actually saying in it.

So, that is what it says, it doesn't put who say this is information, how did they get it, or anything, this is what it puts.

Take that as you will, I will now give my opinion below this.

I know I just say that there is no really realiable source here, that is just says "this is what I heard," and all that.

However...I could believe it, because it makes a lot of sense.

I don't know how many of you actually read the article, in regards of the exploitation of the animators, but it wasn't the only thing they talked about.

Another thing mentioned how was how they were months with the animators doing nothing because they keep changing their ideas, how even when they gave them work, a lot of scenes got scrapped after they were finished, because they decided to go in another direction.

Across the Spider-verse went through A LOT of revisions, until the very end.

You can see it in how the art book has an entire section dedicated to a scene we never see in the movie. How the design of margo (both there and in her Funko-pop,) is completely different.

There is also mentions about how originally, Across the Spider-verse was going to have Earth 42 Miles be more involved, in a more "prince and the pauper," kind of situation, from what I remember.

Besides, this happens A LOT in movies, like a lot. I own multiple art books, and the "we originally had this idea, but we scrapped and went with this instead," isn't uncommon.

There are people saying this situation is due to Phil, because of what I mentioned earlier. But let me remind you there is no confirmation of that; they mention Sony, something else could be going on.

Anyways, those are my thoughts; we can't be really sure until we have more official info, but if you ask me, sounds likely.

[hanaberin]

🎉BIG ANNOUNCEMENT ALERT!🎉

I am here to announce that I have launched a PATREON !

As many of you know, I’ve been quite busy with commission work (my main source of income), which has left me little time to create personal pieces, especially the Zelda art we all enjoy. After a lot of thought, I’ve decided to launch a Patreon!

I was hesitant at first, since I wasn’t sure about putting my work behind a paywall, but I’ve found a solution that feels fair for everyone. Here, you’ll get one-month early access to my drawings and speedpaints, plus exclusive content like pages from my Zelink comic, along with polls and art requests focused on Zelda!

BTW currently, the Patreon already has this month's Zelink illustration and speedpaint up ^_^)

By supporting me there, you are helping me carve out time to create more of the Zelda illustrations you enjoy, even when commissions are closed. Your support means the world to me, whether through commissions, follows, or just cheering me on.

THOUGH, FEEL NO PRESSURE TO JOIN, but if you're interested, I’d love to have you there ^^ !!!

Thanks for reading and I hope to see you over on my PATREON !!

[agena87]

Sim dump: The Nevarez family

I still haven't finished the house I started when Lovestruck was released (1 - 2), BUT I have finished the family that's supposed to go with it. And since I'm an impatient arse, I decided to post the household first.

So, here are Vinnie and Marcos, a married couple of archaeologists, with their adopted children Antonio and Ellie, and Vinnie's eccentric father, Rafael.

DOWNLOAD - Mediafire (no ads!)

TOU:

Do not re-upload

Do not claim as yours

Do not put behind any kind of paywall

Do not change skin tones, genders/pronouns or body types (you can make the teen/adults vanilla-height, if you don't like to play with height difference, though - I know it can be annoying for like, romantic interactions and such)

Tag me if you use them (I wanna see!)

Have fun!

More pics & info under the cut

both Vinnie and Marcos are archaeologists (I would have set it like that in-game, but it's not an available career for some idiotic reason, so they are set as unemployed...).

Vinnie's a nickname, his real name is Vicente (but you do you, that's just a piece of headcanon)

Antonio is non-binary and asexual; they're also only interested in men, romantically. They're 17yo.

Antonio is also disabled and has a prosthetic leg. They sometimes have to use crutches.

Rafael was a marine biologist and is now retired. He spends his days playing bowling, going on dates, and looking after his grandchildren when their fathers are away on expeditions.

Ellie loves craft and is quite skilled at knitting and needlepoint for a girl this young (she's 11).

hobby-wise, the others are into fitness and fishing (Vinnie), painting (Marcos), video games and cooking (Antonio), and bowling (Rafael), among other things.

as the only girl in the family (and as the "baby"), Ellie is spoiled by everyone.

Traits and aspirations:

Vinnie: archaeology scholar - loves outdoors, romantic, active

Marcos: archaeology scholar - family-oriented, creative, romantically reserved

Antonio: goal-oriented - lovebug, geek

Ellie: creative genius - creative

Rafael: successful lineage - wise, lovebug, family-oriented

Everyone has skills, likes, dislikes, and turn-ons/offs (well, except Ellie for those last ones, obviously).

What no one has is outfits other than in the everyday category (they all wear BG robes in all the other categories, do as you want there - they have accessories though, like eyelashes, nails, piercings or glasses)

(background of pics is @vyxated's new CAS background replacement, which is super cute!)

[dominimoonbeam]

Audio Script - M4A - First Tattoo

I wrote this a while ago and would love to put it out there for audio artist to pick up if they're interested but I'm not really sure how to go about that, so we'll start here! <3

I wrote this M4A but if you want to change any of the pronouns you're of course welcome to.

Please give me credit if you decide to record this script, and a link so I can listen too! And, you know, don't put it behind a paywall. But if you want to pay me to make you your own scripts, you're welcome to contact me. <3 <3

Audio artists be warned, I seem to make a lot of background sound notes. Good luck, brave creators! I believe in your sound magic!

2 voiced characters with no interaction. Second speaker is the main character.

tags: confession of sorts, idiots in love, tattoo shop

First Tattoo

by Domini Moonbeam aka Clover Down

[fade in ambient music, muffled voices, the hum of tattoo machines]

You nervous?

Don’t be! I got this. You’re in good hands.

[paper rustle]

This is a great design. You did this yourself?

No? A friend?

Huh… You know this artwork style looks a lot like—

Yeah. You’re a friend of theirs? Roommates? They don’t usually do work like this unless they’re the one putting down the ink…

Alright. I’m just going to transfer this to tracing paper to put on you. Hang tight for a minute.

[curtain]

[waiting]

[muffled other voice] What the fuck? Who’s using my art?

[curtain thrown back]

[second voice, MC, surprised to see the listener and not some stranger stealing their art] Oh… [relief] Roomie. Shit, I thought someone stole my work… You… Wait…

What the hell are you doing here?

No.

You were going to let that jerk tattoo you?

I’m your fucking roommate! We’ve been best friends forever and you finally want to get a tattoo and you went to them?

No, they’re not bad. That’s not the point!

No, it’s really not.

If anyone was going to tattoo you, it should have been me.

[chair sound, sitting down and scooting closer, voice lower]

You didn’t even tell me you wanted to get a tattoo.

A whim? Yeah right. You don’t do anything on a whim.

[paper sound] This isn’t a small tattoo.

What the hell were you going to say when I saw it?

What do you mean I wouldn’t see it?

Oh. I mean… yeah I guess I don’t usually see that part of you…

Wait! You were going to let that bastard work on your side and hip?

Yes, now they’re a bastard.

Because they were going to have you basically stripped down on their table with their hands all over you and my art… my…

Wait… You were getting my art tattooed on you.

[laughs] So what? Are you joking?

I remember drawing this for you…

Yes, I do. I drew this for your birthday that first year we met, right after I moved in.

I didn’t know it was your birthday until that afternoon, so I just drew you something… [awestruck] You really kept this.

That was years ago.

You were really going to get my work tattooed on you?

[listener getting up]

No, hang on. You don’t need to bolt.

[smiling] And where are you even going? We live together.

[listener sitting back down]

Don’t pout. I can’t believe you were trying to get someone else to tattoo my art on you at my own shop.

[laughs] Yeah, yeah, I did say they were the only good artists in town…

Seriously though, why didn’t you just ask me? You know I would have done it in a heartbeat, right?

Of course, I would! I’ve been dropping hints about tattooing you since we met!

[paper sound] I can draw you something new, if you want. Anything you want.

Why not?

Are you…blushing?

Okay. Obviously, I’m just seeing things then.

…Special? [paper sounds, looking at it again] It’s special to you…

[pause]

Do you want me to do it then?

Yeah, of course, I mean it.

I mean, if you really don’t want me to…then I can send them back in.

[huffs a laugh] Yeah, the bastard… I would let them do my art if that’s what you really want. But I’d rather do it myself.

Because it’s mine. Because you’re… You.

Okay? [smiling] Okay. Great.

[putting on gloves] Show me where you want it.

Don’t get shy now…

[clothing rustling as listener takes off their shirt]

[sighs]

What? Nothing. Which side did you want it on?

[touching skin] Here? Down… Okay, stand up and push your pants down your hips.

Yeah, there. I need to clean the area first.

[spray. wiping. laughs] Yeah, it’s cold. Hang on.

[paper sounds. peeling the paper off] Okay, the stencil is on.

Take a look in the mirror real quick and make sure you like the placement.

Yeah?

Great. [pats the padded table] On your side, facing me.

[listener getting settled]

You’re going to be okay. Deep breaths.

[fiddling with equipment]

Okay, I’m going to start with the outline. This isn’t going to feel great, but you can take it.

That being said…if you need a break just let me know, okay? No shame in tapping out.

…Why are you blushing?

No reason… okay.

[machine hum]

Don’t move.

[starts working. background sounds and machine sounds for a bit]

What?

Oh. No, it’s my day off. I don’t have anyone else waiting or anything.

And don’t think I failed to notice how you plotted to come in when I wasn’t here.

Yes, plotted.

Don’t try to change the subject.

I came in because I still had some boring shit to get done after I skipped out early the other night.

[laughs] Yeah, I guess you could say I cut out for a hot date. I was taking you to that movie you had to see on opening night.

Yeah, that shut you up…

Oh, you wouldn’t call that a date?

What the hell would you call it? I picked you up…

Yes, we do live together. That did make it easier.

I bought you dinner.

Popcorn counts when the bucket is bigger than your head.

[machine and background sound stretch while speaker thinks and works]

So…why this one?

This sketch. Why did you decide to get this tattooed?

[laughs a little, focused on the work] Yeah, I did say people usually get something meaningful to them.

You…wanted it to be permanent?

[working]

You know I’m permanent, right?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy you want the tattoo. I’m fucking thrilled to put my art on you, and I would gladly give you a dozen more, but you know you don’t need to have something permanent from me, right?

Yeah… People leave. But I’m not going to leave you.

No. You know I don’t say things I don’t mean.

I’m not going anywhere.

[another stretch of machine sounds and background sounds]

Do you mind if I add some freehand or do you want it exactly like the image?

Yeah?

Cool.

You know this is going to take a couple sessions, right?

[laughs] Yeah, some people could sit for the whole thing at once, but you can only sit still for so long.

No, I know you, you only sit this still when you’re scared or flirting…

[realization] And I know you’re not scared of me…

Hm? I’m not saying anything.

But you did hang on to this drawing for three years.

[getting serious] Roomie…

[surprise when listener starts to move] No, seriously, don’t move.

[another pause while the machine hums/background]

[soft spoken] You have no idea what it means to me to put this on you.

Yeah, I’ve done a lot of tattoos, but this is you.

The idea of my work on your skin? Permanently?

That you wanted me permanently with you…

That’s what you’re saying, right?

[happy sigh] Yeah. Yeah, I want that too.

You know, I’d say we need to work on your communication skills but this kind of works for me… Just, you know, don’t ask other people to do the tattooing, next time?

[laughs] No, you’re right, I’m not usually the jealous type but this is different. I wouldn’t trust anyone else to do it.

Because.

Because… It’s you.

Now, hold still or I’m going to screw up your first tattoo.

[greenshi]

alright tell me about YOUR current favorite guy now

I AM FINALLY DOING THIS i have been. so distracted lmaooo. BUT I decided to do the guy in my icon, fifth member of weezer and best FE character, Python <3. He may not be the Number One guy in my brain right this moment, but that spot and most after it are all taken by OCs, so. We're doing him instead. Also because of this tag because I think you'd like this guy jort

ANYWAY, Python. My guy. He's a character from Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia, a recruitable archer early on in Alm's route.

Now, in Echoes, the class discrepancy between nobles and commoners is a prominent theme, especially in Alm's route. This is something that comes up in a lot of FE games, unsurprisingly, seeing as princes and thieves fight together side by side. And the games (at least those I've played, which is only FEA-FE3H. I know.) tend to handwave a lot of the more unsavory points of that topic. A lot of the time, conversations or supports that delve into that topic end in "yeah, being poor and starving sucks, but you know what also sucks? Being royalty! It's really hard :[" which, like, yeah, it is, but also one party here has the means to help the other, but is choosing not to instead say how their life sucks too, actually. Idk, these conversations always rubbed me in the wrong way a bit.

ALL THAT BEING SAID, Python is a commoner. And he doesnt buy any of that "being rich is hard too guys :[" shit for a Second. In his support with Clive (a nobleman knight who's opinion on the whole situation is "well some people have to be poor so I can be rich") he straight up tells him that his ideas on how society should be run are wrong and that his view on common people are condescending at best.

Python doesn't fight for honor or any sense of duty, he fights for his paycheck and his childhood friend who does feel that duty, Forsyth. Even if he and Forsyth disagree on many things, there's a mutual respect between the two, an understanding of their station, and a small rivalry between how to best navigate said station. Forsyth encourages Python to get out there, try things, put some effort into life. But Python just, doesn't see much of a point. But it's not for any depressive reason, or even straight apathy. Python just prioritizes rest and relaxation. He doesn't live to work, he has no dream job (which Forsyth takes as having no dream at all, not that Python would disagree), he just wants to enjoy his life; sleeping in the sun, having a few drinks, spending time with friends, and sharing stories and gossip.

Speaking of friends and gossip, I'm going to drop my favorite support of his, maybe even my favorite support in the whole game (even though its locked behind a dlc map like seriously what was up with this games dlc why is a support between two base game units behind a paywall-)

Going from this support, and the fact that neither of them have romantic endings, (Lukas' even saying he 'never wanted for companionship') this is a pretty clear attempt by FE at writing two aroace (or at least just aro) characters. And, idk, I think its really special. Neither are framed as missing out or needing another to be happy, the conversation is to the point and respectful, and they are both allowed to be full characters beyond this detail of their lives.

And that's a common thread through Python's character that I admire. In any other story, the character that had no want for big dreams, constant improvement, or romance would be framed as an empty person, someone deeply unhappy without anything to strive for. But, even as the other characters try and impose that narrative onto Python, that's never actually the case. He is happy as he is, doing just enough to be as comfortable as he can, taking rests and shortcuts all along the way. He will not sell his time more than he must, he will not work harder than he has to, he will not allow those who push themselves to breaking for those above them to guilt him into doing the same. He has nothing to prove, nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, the one time he could push himself, in his bad ending after Forsyth dies, *THAT* is when he is empty and miserable, fighting like his friend once did until his early, untimely death.

Python is just such a breath of fresh air. He was the one in my brain telling me say no to my boss long before Chilchuck, he is a character that not even FE has been able to write like that again (even when writing for him specifically, like his Heroes characterization is so off and bad augh). He is one of the very few canonically aro characters I can find, and I'm proud to have him napping in my icon for the foreseeable future.

[fancoloredglasses]

Over the Edge (Well, THAT escalated quickly!)

[All images are owned by DC Comics and Warner Bros-Discovery. I hope I’m too small-fry to sue…]

[Thanks to Batgirlspain for the inspiration]

I originally wanted to review this episode of New Batman Adventures for Halloween, but I think most of you will agree that what I went with instead worked better (though a number have commented that I may have been a bit too harsh. However, I stand by my opinion!) So now, instead of a few days before Halloween, this review will be out a few days after the Day of the Dead, which I think is more appropriate.

If you would like to watch the episode, it’s available on Max or behind your favorite paywall.

We open with Batman and Robin on the run from…

Wait, the GCPD is after Batman (and using deadly force)? AND they know who he is?!  What the fucking fuck?!

One of the officers throws a grenade (what police department lets its officers carry grenades?!) at them, nearly blowing Robin to bits! The Dynamic Duo run for the Batmobile, but…

They have RPGs as well? Why aren’t they using this sort of ordinance on Bane or Killer Croc?!

The officer blows up the Batmobile, cutting off the Caped Crusaders’ escape.

Batman buys some time by using his trophies against Gordon and his men.

Namely, the giant penny.

Then, another avenue of escape is cut off by Detective Montoya, but they jump off the ledge toward the water below and into the waiting Batboat. Gordon is about to fire on them when…

…Alfred joins the struggle. He’s quickly subdued, but bought enough time for the Batboat to clear the Batcave. However, they’re not in the clear yet as…

Once again, the cops have an RPG handy to blow up the Batboat (someone please explain why Gordon’s been just sitting on these), but misses. Just as they’re about to fire another volley…

...Nightwing joins the fray and draws their fire. He then fires mini torpedoes at the Police boat’s engine, disabling it as the Dynamic Duo and Former Boy Wonder make their escape.

But why is the GCPD going all out to take down Batman? And how does Gordon know who Batman is? We’ll let Batman explain…

(Thanks to FLYBOY727)

OK, while I understand Gordon being upset about Batman being responsible for putting Barbara in harm’s way, that’s a HUGE step from blaming him yo being her murderer (after all, Scarecrow was the one who knocked her off of the building)! Personally, I think Bullock was salivating at the chance to take down the Bat and planted the seed in Gordon’s head.

But that still doesn’t explain how Gordon knows who Batman is!

For that, let’s fast forward a bit in this flashback to Wayne Manor where Bruce gets a phone call from Gordon.

OK, THAT explain it, though are you telling me the future Oracle wouldn’t have encrypted her computers out the wazoo?

As Gordon hangs up, Bruce sees the GCPD drive up, including a battering ram tank! (Seriously, if Gordon had access to all of this, then WHY is Gotham’s criminal element allowed to run rampant?!) Bruce and Tim retreat to the Batcave, which brings us to where we came in.

(Thanks to Tim Bengsch)

Yeah, you’d think Dick would realize that Gordon is capable of putting two and two together.

Now on his own, Batman ponders his next move (I hear Star City’s nice this time of year)

Meanwhile in Gordon’s office, Mayor Hill tries to get Gordon to stand down.

Since the public knows about Barbara’s connection to Batman…

Hill demands Gordon’s resignation.

Meanwhile, on Tabloid TV…

The assembled villains are suing Bruce Wayne for $1 billion!

...under the advice of the Dini-verse's version of Johnny Cochran.

Meanwhile, Gordon has to decide if he quietly resigns or fights the legal system.

With the clock ticking, Gordon goes to Blackgate Prison.

The convict in the shadows agrees to Gordon’s plan.

(Thanks to The World's Finest)

Oh, don’t tell me this was an “it’s all a dream” episode?!

I guess it was!

Turns out Batgirl got a lungful of the Scarecrow’s fear gas and it surfaced her worst fears in her mind.

Barbara decides that, to keep that nightmare scenario from happening, she would come clean to her father (though not reveal the rest of the Bat Family’s secrets)

That night, Barbara invites her father to dinner…and a talk.

Barbara tries to stammer out what she has to say, but is interrupted by Gordon.

So it is implied that Gordon might already know about Barbara…and possibly the others.

And with that, we fade out and credits roll

[writing2changetheworld]

This is random sorry, and is probably gonna be pretty long, but I saw a couple of your posts about ableism/accessibility in Smosh videos, and I would like to recommend an improv comedy group that, in my opinion, treats disabilities extremely well. Shoot From The Hip is a London-based comedy group made up of four men in their 30s- Sam, Tom, Luke and AJ. I would like to clarify that while none of them have any physical disabilities, both Tom and Luke are diagnosed with ADHD (and I think one of the others might be too but idk), and Sam has said before that he has "a form of dyslexia", I don't know if he would consider himself disabled though (bc I've heard before that he doesnt identify as neurodivergent).

The first thing I want to mention is their subtitles. I think it was some time last year when a group of fans started transcribing the longform plays, and soon after they got in touch with SFTH and a subtitle team was created- fully made up of fans. Nowadays, every new video that comes out has subtitles available, and some are even colour coded to show who is saying what. Becuase it's fans who make the subtitles, there are often little references to other SFTH content sprinkled here and there and stuff, which not only is a delight to see (many people who don't need subtitles still turn them on just for that), it also makes SFTH more accessible for newer fans imo, as they get to know the inside jokes a lot quicker- a win-win! Most, if not all of the backlog of content has subtitles by now, and plenty have other languages available too.

Additionally, SFTH are very inclusive in the characters they play, whether that's including queer characters, neurodivergent characters, physically disabled characters, etc- they've said before (and I'm paraphrasing here) that all these types of people exist, so why shouldn't they be included in the stories they tell? And the best thing is, it doesn't feel forced at all- it's not like they sat down and decided that they would be inclusive, it just happens naturally. And specifically for disabilities- they don't treat them as a huge plot point, as if they come with special "superpowers", nor do they treat them like things that should be hushed and not spoken about, and shamed. They're never the butt of a joke, that's just the way the characters are. A good example I could give for this is from a recent play they put out on their patreon (so unfortunately it's behind a paywall), where a character has a stutter. If any jokes were made about it at all, they were light teasing from this character's brothers- and even then, he was able to stand up for himself and tell his brothers to stop (something I feel is pretty rare for disabled representation!). It was never even a big plot point, it was just another character trait. Another example is that several characters canonically have ADHD (it's probably most common bc their actors have it too lol), but every single time it's always just a quick mention, it doesn't become part of the plot and it's never made out that these characters are rejected, undesirable or anything- it's literally just a character trait, full stop. And lastly, there's a character who lost both his legs in a war (against alien-like Cubes)- but he's not treated with pity or anything, and later when he gets new Cube-forged prosthetics, he just wants to show them off to his husband- it isn't some kind of revelation that closes the gaps between humans and Cubes, it doesn't make the Cubes listen to him and stop the war- no, they make peace through the power of love instead xD.

Anyway, sorry for the long paragraphs, feel free to ignore this reccomendation if you want. Have a good day! ^-^

I may check them out.

One thing in particular you said that caught my eye though is none of them are physically disabled but play physically disabled characters. Some physically disabled people don't agree but I'm voicing my opinion: that's not okay. They agree we're human beings and we exist but they don't actually include us?

[dryonsenpai]

Hey, I’m that anon from before. After spending all my hardly earned keys trying to get Lucifer (Selfie) and, of course, failing miserably because their drop rates are insanely bad, I uninstalled the game. Really, I had enough of it. I can’t obtain new red keys because all of my characters are maxed out and I won’t spend hours playing Panty Party to get just one or two of them. Then, since there’s no way for me to get the cards for the character I like the most without paying lots of money for it, there was nothing for me to do in the game anymore. And I won’t even start on the Belphegor banner. 5% chances of getting him and his artifact, but around 4,4% for the artifact and 0,6% for the character? What the hell? Really, all of this nonsense made me lose interest in the game as a whole, and I don’t even care anymore. They said the Summer version of all the kings is coming soon, and, even if Lucifer is on it, I don’t care anymore and don’t doubt they will still manage to squeeze money into it. Whatever. Sorry for my manner of expressing myself over this, but this is so frustrating. If they had started like this, it would be fine by me, but they are slowly changing the game and taking away all the free farming things. Even a whale I follow on X has commented that the new red keys deals were absurd, so you can see how overboard and greedy they’re being. I don’t even doubt them putting the new H-scenes behind a paywall in the future as well, since it’s something people actually look for. It is a really good game, with beautiful art and captivating characters, but the company is truly making it not worth the players’ time anymore. Well… That’s it for me, I guess. Again, sorry for intruding like this again in your inbox, and I hope that you can manage to get Lucifer (Selfie) and that you have a good day, too!

I'm so sorry you couldn't get Lucifer selfie after all of those tries, I'm sorry for everyone who couldn't get him :c (I did get him but it took a whopping 700 red keys & a lot of object dupes, but I got bloodshed Levi too)

What you say is completely understandable and it's true that they're being absolutely greedy & it's nonsense to keep supporting PB, now I'm only there cuz I want Michael but I doubt that I'll be able to get him with only 3k+ seals but I'll try

Maybe if they change back & make things not paywalled & a more f2p friendly game then people will come back, but they're now telling us to, pretty much, f off. But as you say, they'll probably be even greedier & paywall h-scenes

Thank you for expressing yourself & your feelings through this ask box, I encourage anyone who wants to express themselves to do so here, so don't worry about spamming my ask box cuz that's why I enabled anon asks for. Have a nice day! ^v^

And again, I'm sorry you decided to quit, but it's best for you to not waste your time on a lost cause

[gothicprep]

i saw a prompt on twitter asking for unpopular opinions about the sims franchise. i switch between the sims 3 and the sims 4 when i decide to play one of the games, and i feel like i have more room to talk than someone who hasn't dusted off the former in a decade.

the first is that imo people have rose colored nostalgia glasses on with the hotel management feature that was introduced in island paradise. the challenge is basically clearing a checklist for hiring enough employees, maximally upgrading the "hotel tower" object, buying each kind of buffet table and setting the quality to high, and putting enough gym equipment in the common areas. after that, the place becomes passive income for the most part.

the "hotel tower" is a pre-made object that you can't customize with the create-a-style tool, and it comes in three styles – a tapered, miami-esque resort skyscraper, a spanish mission-style villa thing, and a set of coastal american beach town cabanas. each tower object only comes in three swatches, and it's very limiting if building is your thing and you don't just want to buy and renovate one of the existing resort lots in isla paradiso. there's also a weird glitch where there will be trash thrown onto inaccessible parts of the common area buildings (the roof) and you need to use the move objects cheat to clean that up.

another note on that: you can't buy an army of bonehildas in lieu of maintenance staff. so much for cross-pack compatibility.

the second one is that the mixology skill in ts3 is paywalled behind late night, but all the worlds have bars. they aren't real bars, they're generic lot types that have a magic bullet blender-esque contraption and no service. the only thing sims can make at those bars is something called a "quick drink", which looks like diluted tide detergent. every time i open a new ts3 save, i need to manually go into each bar/pub/club/venue lot, and manually replace the smoothie of death object with a functional service bar. same thing with coffee shops and the university life paywall, but ts4 also paywalls coffee shops and espresso art isn't a skill anywhere, so i guess we're even. somewhat.

i love the sims 3 or else i wouldn't revisit it, but you've all forgotten who she really is...

[alone-in-my-home]

Random late night rambling on why personality tests (like Myers’s Briggs and the enneagram) are so pervasive in the evangelical church:

Background— I grew up Catholic, to the point of first communion and then my parents did a hard 180 and decided the evangelical Baptist missionary church was the way to go (they wanted confirmation to be my choice at a later date if I so chose). It’s 2 religious traumas I experienced in one lifetime. I am now no longer religious. I saw someone describe themselves as apatheistic, meaning they literally don’t care about the concept of god and the afterlife, and also felt that was kind of fitting for myself. Overall I have mixed strong feelings about religion from hate the love and accept but it gets so convoluted and mixed up that I’d rather not take an exact stance on “is religion good or bad?”

The evangelical church in the USA however is entirely harmful. That is indeed a hill I’m willing to die on.

But I was thinking about why I’m so jaded with personality tests because I was sitting in a 3 hour meeting for work on a communication styles test— a glorified personality test with 4 different colors. A lot of my coworkers found it super interesting and helpful, but I didn’t learn anything about myself I didn’t already know, and this is due to being entrenched in the evangelical church since I was 10.

When I brought it up to my roommates after getting home, feeling drained from having a 3 hour meeting and then continuing work, they were surprised that I wasn’t hyped about this test especially since it’s one behind a paywall due to corporations using it. Now they’re part of the evangelical church [I have a lot of feelings about this but that’s for me and my besties to bitch about] and said they didn’t start getting into personality tests until they joined said church.

Odd…

As I try to fall asleep, staring into the eyes of my cat who’s laying on my chest with his muzzle two inches from my face, I really started to think about this. The Catholic church didn’t do this, my friends growing up who went to mainline Protestant churches or the Orthodox Church also didn’t participate in this phenomenon. Ultimately, to take part in Christianity is to deeply accept and commit to conformity. And the evangelical church (through the establishment of “non denominational” churches) wants to at least put on the facade that they push against the notion of conformity, that everyone is welcome no matter your walk or state of life, that singing a hymn with an electric slide guitar is leaps and bounds different than singing a hymn with an organ. However, they’re no different. Conformity is what upholds the institution.

Through encouraging and pushing personality tests on youth group and the congregation, they are essentially allowing controlled individuality. By personality types existing there are boxes and boundaries established, which is followed by the praise and admonishment of certain personality types.

Taking Francis Chan’s “love languages” as an example— note this book and test is used to keep failing marriages together and place the blame of a failed marriage on the couple just not trying hard enough, but I digress. When I took this test, gift receiving was supposedly the way I felt most loved. When I told that to my youth group leader when we were sharing he told me “you’re the first person I’ve ever met that openly admits that”. Everyone else in the group was quality time and words of affirmation focused. I was the odd one out. So what was I encouraged to do? Be more like my friends and find joy and love in words and time.

It’s all a load of dog shit.

Another great example that is more recent in terms of the evangelical church co-opting it for control, the enneagram. Oh my god how many times I hear Christians claim “I’m a 2”. This type is the helper and has literally no bad qualities written about them, and the “bad qualities” just sound like answers you give to an interviewer when you’re asked what your greatest weakness is: oh I’m too caring, I always put others needs in front of my own, etc. it describes the “perfect” Christian. What’s worse is the amount of Christians that actively LAMENT not being a 2 when they’re typed not as something else. It got to a point where while I was on the deconstruction journey and I had friends take it, and tell me they were a 2, I’d tell them I didn’t believe them and they had to take it again but actually be honest about their answers (suddenly the friend group had a lot less 2s).

Through the praise of personality and communication types and active disparaging of others the evangelical church maintains conformity while giving their congregations a sense of individuality ”Because think out of all the 16 types I can’t believe our congregation is mostly represented by 3 types”. There’s a sense of vastness in personality types, even if there’s actually only 4, because the church encourages a select few and praises behaviors to keep up obedience and subservience to the church.

TL;DR: personality tests give a sense of individuality because there are many options and the church maintains control by encouraging only a few of said personality types/behaviors.

Yeah personality tests are a load of shit, and the evangelical church can go suck it because the triangle player in your worship band doesn’t make you “not like other churches”; you still uphold hierarchy and conformity. Get fucked.