#death of the author and call of the void idk

[consideratesea]

my friend is looking over some poetry I'm working on and I want you guys to read an exchange we had if you have the fortitude for a long personal post lmao anyway, read on and take in as able:

FRIEND: I sense a "call of the void" but I am confused how it fits with the theater. Other than playing a dying character. What is the void onstage? What pulls you back there?

ME: ah. I think my personal lived experience is getting in the way here? the theatre IS a void. some of them are literally called black boxes. you can lose yourself watching a play. and while you're on stage you mostly can't see the audience! if you're lit well you're staring out into a black wall (and god help you if you have to look at or avoid eye contact strategically with the audience instead you just pray they're making the right facial expressions lmao)

I also find stage fright to be a sort of void like I have almost blacked out before shows lol my skin gets all purple and I'm sweating and freezing and have a completely blank brain and then I'm on stage for 30 seconds and it mostly goes away haha. and it's not the same but near akin to that is when you know your lines or your solo or song or dance or monologue or whatever so well that you fly into autopilot and leave your body and watch yourself in the damn show (until of course you REmEMbeR what you're doing and slam back to earth)

there were also many many times in my high school and college years where I would be in an auditorium or theatre (seating near 500 in hs and 1500 in college) alone, with all or most of the lights off. I was sometimes in there for a legitimate reason and I was sometimes in there because I had snuck in but it was a quiet place to breathe. to think. and I was never walked in on, which was such a rare gift in my life, to just be secure in my aloneness.

so who knows how all that may get translated into this stanza haha

[persephoneprice]

maybe this is silly but — do you have any thoughts on lucy grays specifically appalachian identity? I often think abt how the films erased the cultural / geographical specificities of district 12 even though it’s literally so so important to the books (it’s mentioned on page 2 of the hunger games) and idk I think it’s very interesting/ kinda funny and iconic that in response to that erasure suzanne collins literally made a character whose cultural identity cannot be erased without significantly altering her narrative function. On a meta textual level it’s also an interesting echo to the Capitol erasing lucy gray and then her being restored by the author - kinda? Idk I’m a huge appalachian folk nerd (it’s why I read tbosas lol) so I. Think abt it a lot

omg no this is not silly at all and i am so excited that someone wants to talk about Appalachian culture in the hunger games!! usually i feel like i’m just yelling my appalachian nonsense into the void. ps i love that you’re an appalachian folk nerd- are you also appalachian??

also let me apologize in advance- i started a new anxiety medicine and have felt awful and have had a lot of brain fog so it’s very possible that none of this makes sense or is even what you’re asking.

i ended up rambling a lot so i will put my actual answer under the cut:

the erasure of all the really appalachian things- especially the accents- in the trilogy will always devastate me. which i why i will go to my death defending rachel zegler against anyone who criticizes her accent in tbosas.

i love lucy gray and the covey because you absolutely can see so much appalachian and bluegrass influence in them and their lives- but the book makes it clear that they aren’t really district 12, therefore, not really appalachian.

i think in a lot of ways lucy gray really embodies an appalachian girl. she’s fun and strong and willing to do whatever it takes to survive. she’s not afraid of the woods or the creatures in it- she makes friends with the snakes. she loves music (my girl needs a banjo i will die on that hill) and brings that to her people. their performances are one of the few times that people in 12 really get to be carefree and have fun and it brings everyone together. music is such an important thing in appalachian culture and is something that always brings people together.

she as a double name and it’s important to address her using both- which is also a fairly common thing in appalachian culture, it’s rude to only refer to them by one of the names. (which is why if someone only calls her lucy i do not take their opinion on her character seriously at all.)

you can also see it in the way the covey are a family without all being really related and the way the older members take care of the younger ones. in the way they spend time at the lake fishing and swimming and collecting food from around the area to eat. in the clothes they wear. in their music (nothing you can take from me boot stomping version my beloved).

but i think the distraction that they aren’t really from district 12 and not really appalachian is important. you can see that in the way lucy gray describes the covey as outsiders in district 12. i think this is another way that you really see the influence of appalachian culture in district 12. it doesn’t matter how many similar traits that they have or how long they have lived there- they’re still outsiders to the people who have lived there their whole lives. they still aren’t fully trusted by the wider community because they’re different and not from around here.

i’ll stop rambling now because i think my brain fog is causing this to not make any sense but anyway thank you so much for sending this!!! i love talking about this!!! i would love to hear your thoughts as well

[kebriones]

Translated parts of T. Kallifatides’ “Timandra" (PART 1)

Part 2

part 3 coming soon

Intro:

The book has not been translated to english yet, so this is my (very much not professional) attempt at translating some parts of it, mostly the ones that have to do with Alcibiades.

This is a historical novel, told as a sort of autobiography from the POV of Timandra, an hetaera who according to some versions of the story was there to witness Alcibiades’ death. We know nothing about her, so the author has constructed an entirely new story for her. 

I also have to mention that it was written in 1994 and it’s one of the few books this author has written in greek.

I will not include the original greek text, unless someone specifically asks for it. I have tried my absolute best to not take any liberties and translate it as close to word-for-word as possible rather than try to make the prose sound better in english, to convey it as it is. 

I will include commentary after some parts, for fun :D 

Lastly, the setting of the book is as follows: Timandra reminisces on her entire life on the night of Alcibiades’ assassination, while he is sleeping and she is awake. 

the translations are under the cut! enjoy!

(p.7) He was lying next to me, naked. The reflection of the fireplace’s flame fell on his forehead and made the drops of sweat glow like gemstones. That was exactly when steps were heard. I froze. He was breathing deeply, calmly. “Someone’s coming” I said. “Let them come, whoever wants to” he replied to me. “Twenty five years I wait for them” Then he turned on his right side. A moment later he was asleep. He always slept on the right. “I can’t sleep on the left” he had explained to me. “I can’t sleep on my heart, and my heart never sleeps.” (transl. notes: my mother always told me to avoid sleeping on my heart, in order to sleep more easily and not have nightmares)

(p.20) Luckily Alcibiades was asleep, or we would have a quarrel. “Why must we explain everything?” he would say, lisping, something that meant he was truly angry.

(p.22) Night. The sky was close and the stars shone with a light we were not used to. It was a foreign night. I had seen many nights, in Greece, on the islands, in Asia, in Sicily. Nevertheless, I couldn’t feel at home with them. I always missed the night of Attica, which maintains something from the light of day like an afterglow, like the dull shine of an old mirror. (transl. notes: this is really weird to me because I keep saying, there’s something about the sky in attica. If you’ve lived your whole life here, when you travel elsewhere you really get it. idk what it is. maybe a mass delusion)

(p.43) …that not even their king could manage in bed, so poor Alcibiades was compelled to knock up their queen, whose bastard they called Leotychides but she called him Alcibiades, and as a result, the king’s horns were so large that he didn’t dare go out hunting anymore because he got tangled in the bushes. (transl. notes: in greece if your spouse cheats on you, the saying is that you grow horns)

(p.56, timandra talking about the first time she saw Alcibiades) Ten years old I was when I saw him for the first time, he bewitched me immediately both as he was who he was and because he made me dream. I would imagine we lived together, that he was my brother, that I wasn’t a girl but a boy and that we wrestled or competed together at running, that I would rub him with oil after the bath.

(p.88) He had to sleep. The war had lasted almost my whole life. The first time he took part in battle he was still a teenager. Now he was forty four years old. Twenty eight winters and twenty eight summers he had prepared to be killed, every battle could be the last. Most of his friends and even more of his enemies had already died or fallen in the war. His life was emptying. Around him was the void, in Athens as well as in Sparta. Twenty eight years lasted the war and all those years I was in love with Alcibiades, however I never tried to keep him near me. I never made use of neither tears nor caresses-and I had no other means. Afterall, I liked seeing him wear his armor. The shield, the helmet, the sword. He seemed to me immortal. I know though that he wasn’t. My nails could leave bloody marks on his bare shoulders, let alone a sword. 

(p.92) One afternoon, as I was climbing my pine tree, I found my spot taken by a blonde girl at my age. I knew who she was. She was the daughter of Hipponicus, one of the richest Athenians, who was also Aspasias’ first husband before she got Pericles. They called her Hipparete. I was pissed, of course, even though I couldn’t do anything about it, the pine tree was not my property and so I started to climb down, when Hipparete, with a soft voice that surprised me, said: “We both fit” There was something so polite and mild in her tone that I acquiesced. I climbed up again and sat next to her. She offered me almonds. I didn’t talk much. We looked silently at the spectavle down on the field, when suddenly we saw Alcibiades enter the palestra and I felt Hipparete next to me focus her attention, as I did mine, and I understood that this sweet-voiced, blonde girl was one of my rivals. If only I knew how right I was. I pretended to observe the match and in reality I observed Hipparete. Her face kept changing color. One moment she was ashen, the next beet-red, she clenched her hands as if in adjuration and other times she shut her eyes as if she couldn’t bear to watch. Alcibiades at the palestra was having problems. His opponent was bulky and buff. Alcibiades was trying to slip away but the other had caught him about the waist and was pressing him backwards like a sapling. Looking at Hipparete, I saw she was ready to faint, when suddenly we heard a shout and Alcibiades’ opponent had let go of him and was rubbing his shoulder. “You bite like a woman, Alcibiades!” He said, so loudly that everyone heard him. “I bite. But like a lion” replied Alcibiades, even louder. The old men on the bleachers started laughing, even the bitten one could not help himself. He gave a friendly pat on Alcibiades’ shoulder and they left together for the baths. We saw them wash each other, dry each other up. When I turned again to Hipparete, I saw her crying. (transl. note: I feel like it’s highly unlikely that Hipparete, being from the family she was, would be allowed to do anything like climbing trees to look at boys at age twelve or thirteen that she’s supposed to be here but it’s a cute scene i guess. plus it’s the bitting scene so I had to include it.)

(p95) The rest of them did not want anything more than that. And so, Alcibiades stopped Hipponicus, greeted him respectfully and suddenly slapped him across the face. Hipponicus was lost for words, tried to say something, regretted it and walked away, as fast as his age and dignity would allow. Alcibiades won the bet. At the same time, he fell in the Athenians’ esteem, who could forgive a murder in cold blood, but not the slapping of an old and respected citizen. There were some limits, that not even Alcibiades could surpass without punishment. There was nothing left but ask for forgiveness. Something he did, but in such a way that the Athenians would talk more about the repentance than the offense. Early the next morning, he stood himself outside of Hipponicus’ house, waiting for him with his head bowed. To those who asked what he was doing there, he replied that he wanted to ask for forgiveness from Hipponicus. Why didn’t he go inside? they asked him. No, he wasn’t worthy of stepping food in that house. Athenians, always fond of shows and curious, smelled that something was cooking and started gathering in the corner. It is not known what crossed the mind of Hipponicus, when he saw all those people outside his house. Eye witnesses said that he was terrified and turned to go back inside. But Alcibiades ran and pleaded with him to stop. After that, taking off his chiton, he stood in front of him completely naked. Someone was saying later that his beauty doubled the light of day, someone else was saying he looked like Eros himself. Complete silence fell and everyone could hear Alcibiades’ raspy voice, who spoke way too slowly, like all who lisp. “Hipponicus, I behaved insolently towards you and I ask for your forgiveness and as proof of my repentance, I hand over my body to you, to whip it or do whatever else you consider fit. Hipponicus had not become this rich without eyes or tongue. “Alcibiades, son of Kleinias” he said. “I am not so small-souled (mean-spirited, petty?) as to whip you and unfortunately I am way too old to do to you what I consider fit!” The mass around them broke into laughter and some not quite seemly comments were made.

PART 2 COMING SOON

[that-one-daydream-you-forgot]

"From you to me"

Author's note: " I wrote this idea b4 and couldn't be bothered to actually do it...but it’s 2023 soooo:

I'm sorry for grammar mistakes and maybe ooc

!TW!: MENTIONS OF DEATHS,BULLYING,FIGHTING,ACCIDENTS,CRYING,ETC.

Please read at your own risk

Katolis!Mc : Lore/character sheet

Katolis! MC(you)

Katolis!Mc: Sinopsis

Mc is from Katolis and is Aaravos's old apprentice then Mc got into an accident 6000+ years ago in a fight with something.

Then transferring them into Twst and having being forced into forgetting Katolis

And every chapter, more and more memories come back. Also with those memories Mc remembers how to cast spells

Katolis!Mc : story

Katolis!Mc's pov

You were a happy kid until the accident happened. That day you wandered accidentally to xadia, you was being attacked by a beast. Aaravos came to the rescue and asked "why was a human out here in the open?"

You explain everything, while Aaravos was planning how to weaponize you. So he brought you back to his home and taught Mc everything about magic. And you did magic without needing to sacrifice the animals that Aaravos Prepared. And ofc this suprised Aaravos and tested the lengths of this.

And then He decided that he will adopt kidnap you. And then that's when his years of misery started h by his quote " Mc you are a difficult child"( as if he ever met a human child). As you grew older Aaravos would tell you that he only adopted you bc your powers (bc he is in denial that he loves you). You never really mind it bc his actions speak louder then His words.

So that's when the second accident happened. while you were aiding (your father) master in battle, You got hit with something and saw that your hand was diapering. And Aaravos saw this, he quickly finished what ever was you where fighting. And went by your side, held you in his arms. While tears were falling (idk if you were crying or it was him) you managed to hug him back and whisper "I'm sorry, and I love you dad"

You disappeared in the wind. Time stopped at that moment to Aaravos, and that's when he set his great plan to motion. Not caring about any deaths, as his reason to live was already gone. But little did he and you know.....

You were in the void. You heard a voice you followed it to a room. You didn't understand what it was saying but before you were able to take its hand it stated "if you take my hand, you will be able to go back to your world. But you will have to pass the test first".

At this point you honestly didn't really care, you just wanted your father back . Then it said "if that is what you wish, but you will have no memory of your life before. And will only be able to remember after you pass". You held the hand and then you woke up in a coffin, with no recollection on what happened before you were transported to twist.

Then Aaravos got captured and locked in a mirror, and everything follows.

Katolis!Mc : Facts

You will probably have perfect grades in astrology, history and potions [even b4 regaining your memories](and no one knows as to why)

You probably made an actual pact with grim after chapter 3 (with grims consent ofc)

You would stay up late every night just to find a familiar star up in the sky

Probably at chapter 7 you would probably match Mallues in strength but not quite in magic

You would probably been a great cook, (there's a 50% possibility that Aaravos doesn't know how to cock and just magics everything)

Probably after Aaravos escapes he would go to the place you guys used to study and place a singular blue rose in honor of you

When You first regained your memories, you cried so much. You weren't able to got to school and called in sick.

The group would probably notice the small changes about You. Like, how you would be more stylish, like how you suddenly excel at everything, or how you easily beaten the savanaclaw students that was bullying you, even through you didn't stood a chance b4

You and Aaravos used to have nights where he would come up with evil plans while you do arts and crafts

In the distant future Mc gave life to Mc from obey me. This was centuries after the main story, meaning that- Katolis! Mc saved mc from dying

[noodle-made-a-mistake]

YES LITERALLY WHY DID THEY HAVE TO GET RID OF THE BIG BAD SO EARLY?? The already set up complex story of manipulation and power was just shoved to the side in favor of a more simple us vs. the chaos-devoured-evil-incarnate-emo-kid plot :(( Master Joseph was an already well-established threat and there was no need to raise the stakes further. Alex's death would have been so so much better if we could have seen parallels to how he was used by Master Joseph just like Constantine before him and if he stayed dead. I would have loved to see that and to actually feel sorry for him instead of just horribly annoyed! Now on top of that I'm just imagining if instead of being sent to the void, what if Master Joseph just decided to harvest the chaos from Alex after he's become unuseful to him? That would be heartbreaking and solidify Master Joseph as the larger threat that the authors must have been searching for to have to pull the whole devoured of chaos thing. Idk anything is better than how tsm handled it at this point

And the Aaron resurrection is also something I forgot to mention! It felt like it was already established in the series that death couldn't be undone and it was tragic that people were trying to solve the unsolveable. The permanency of death in this series sets up the book to be a tragedy in several ways with the third mage war, dead parents, and the loss of Jericho that sent Constantine over the deep end and made him a war criminal, and it's just ignored everytime it's inconvenient. Now when someone interesting dies its just fixed. Aaron dies? Nope, through some miracle he comes back. Alex is sent to the void? Not for long! It gets undone so easily it feels like death means nothing anymore if you’re important to the plot, especially in the case of the body-hopping-mayhem-inducing-super-criminal known as Maugris who has completely overcome it. Half of the themes of the series has to do with death and it's just brushed off, people need to stay dead smh

And I personally like the idea of Call accidently bringing back a very convincing chaos ridden of his best friend and him having to finally let go and accept that Aaron is really gone. It keeps the line of what is and isn't possible in this world drawn and is truly tragic with implied reasons on why Call tried so hard to get Aaron back (calron my beloved)

Instead of a romantic subplot tho I would have absolutely loved to hear more about Constantine and Jericho from Anastasia/Eliza and how Master Joseph affected them! 100% just a better use of time and it could have gotten into the first gen apprentice group too. I know that it's tragic that a war killed all but one of them and severely traumatized the other, but it just doesn't feel impactful if I don't know who those people were before all of that happened to them

And honestly if callmara happened after the two of them had a chance to heal after the loss of their best friend and all of the things they were forced to endure, then I'd like to see it. Especially because I know they would have both been important in the others recovery! But not the way canon did it. It's just not healthy and feels so out of place it hurts

A short list of things that bother me about the Magisterium canon:

Forgive me in advance for rambling, I have to get these thoughts out of my brain lmao (also it's been a couple years so correct me if I'm wrong! (I really hope I’m wrong on some of these :’) )) Spoilers ahead obviously!

● The lack of Calron :(

● Not taking the opportunity to develop Tamara's character and keeping her static until she's randomly just different. Strong female characters aren't just skilled and perfect until their one flaw (usually it's having feelings like any other human being) is revealed shockingly (that's just sloppy characterization), they should be crucial to the plot and not overlooked in favor of developing other characters (from what I remember she literally was my favorite while reading the series until she just got annoying (??) after a while, of course that could just be because the story is told through Call's perspective but still)

● The entire school system that I need more info on bc it sounds so unthought out and not like something that has existed for hundreds of years

● The forceful nature of making people serve as masters?? That makes no sense? Like, “Congratulations on not dying during your schooling or in the war(s), your prize is forced labor 👍.”

● Also THE COLLEGIUM WAS MENTIONED AND NEVER ELABORATED UPON

● TGT. Least favorite book. Get out. Tgt truthers how do you do it??

● The Maugris plot twist. It destroys the meaning behind the past four books. It's just so uncalled for and frankly just sloppy ig? I love the idea in a way, but only if it's foreshadowed from the beginning. Also I'm too attached to the complicated dynamic of Alastair raising his possible ex-bestie for it to end up like that

● The fact that the iron trio is out of school for half the series, I'd like to know what's normal, y'know??

● THE LACK OF ELABORATION ABOUT THE FIRST GEN I WANT TO KNOW MORE I HAVE TO KNOW MORE

● They did my man Constantine especially wrong, give him some ✨️character✨️ aside from E V I L and problematic (trademark) and charming (???)

● AND ALASTAIR GOD TELL ME MORE?? He's characterized as distant and obviously traumatized with his hate of his magic involved past but I just need to know what that past was like. Like who was he before his dead wife syndrome?? Idk but I'd of liked any excuse to know more about it just so I can understand him more??

● Please give me a single character trait of Declan's?? Like he was mentioned a handful of times and that's all we got. He was just some guy and I am hating it !!

● And Sarah. Like. She was a mom and liked peace as a concept but she also made a cool ass knife. That's a lot of things left up for interpretation. And I know Call wasn’t allowed to ask questions for plot reasons but god i wish he had more information about his own dead mother for Christ's sake

● Also other than a victim, who was Jericho? I need to know who this kid who drew scribbles in the margins of his very important journal while writing about how he was slowly being killed was. What was his relationship really like with his brother if he was so scared to say that he was dying or what gave him the impression that he didn't care?? It's fascinating and I need him under a microscope immediately

● Also the lack of queer representation until the last two books. AND THEN IT WASN'T EVEN ANY OF OUR MAIN CAST. Literally the saddest L ever :(

● AND AARON WAS NEVER CONFIRMED QUEER LIKE WHAT THE FUCK JUST L O O K AT HIS CHARACTER AND INFACT ALL OF OUR CORE CAST IS AT LEAST BI LIKE C O M E O N (ik they're like kids but even I knew I was not straight when I was like 11 and i lived in the most conservative non-LGBTQ-friendly town known to man)

● Low key, callmara was so bad, like I love them but not the way it happened, horrible set up. Tamara deserved so much better and to not have her entire character destroyed by becoming a love interest. I wish they thought about her as an independent character instead of the means to implement a romantic subplot in tgt, they did so good in the first books with that

● Also there's no elaboration on what chaos is. It's the mystical 5th element. Wow! Let's go girl, give us nothing! You'd think that if Makaris were so exceptionally rare and special that we'd get some explanation on how they come to be and what it is exactly that they can control but we're just left to assume it's the special "chosen one" type of thing. Idk it bothers me for some reason :/

That's just off the top of my head and it's been years since I read the series all the way through (I should do a reread soon). For the most part I adore this funky series and I hate to bash it but I felt the need to ramble about it's shortcomings because I'm not crazy, right?? It had so much potential! Anyway, I'm sort of glad for the blanks in the story despite complaining about them because it leaves room for fics and fan interpretations that I always love to see, but on the other hand, I'd like for the story to feel finished and not like a last minute science fair project.

Thanks for sticking around for my late night rambling lmao

[apfelhalm]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤️❤️❤️!!

Aaaaah, omg, omg, let me see ...

One of a handful The first time Death meets Steven Rogers, the sky is a sickly yellow with a tinge of grey heartache. - 5 times Death meets Steven Rogers. [The Avengers/The Book Thief crossover]

I still remember how this one jumped at me while I was standing at the bus stop, like it was meant to be written. It just really needed to be out there.

Wir könnten die Größten sein "Der Test ist kein Wettkampf. Es ist ein Dialog. Man sollte meinen Sie als Autor, wüssten, was das bedeutet." [...] "Also gut." Schiller trat vor, hob Charlottes Stab auf und wog ihn abschätzend in der Hand, bevor er ihn Johann entgegenhielt. "Zeigen Sie es mir." [Friedrich Schiller/Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Pacific Rim AU]

Idk, I just had so much fun writing it? There's also an English translation (linked in the fic itself)!

FourFiveSeconds from wildin' The one where Louis and Liam meet through a Tinder-style fighting app. [LiLo, One Direction, Fighting AU/kind of Fight Club AU]

I know the premise sounds a bit outlandish, but I really have a soft spot for it, because it's kinda personal. It's a little bit fucked-up, a little bit ache-y and a little bit hopeful all at once.

Conversations in the Void Tony and Steve are not on speaking terms, but that doesn't stop Tony from calling him. [Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, The Avengers, set between Civil War and throughout Infinity War]

What can I say? Superhusbands will be forever my OTP and I actually like this one. Did I also write this to have one of them say "It wasn't worth it"? MAYBE. still salty they never brought this quote in the movies

Der König und sein General Leo ist ein russischer Gangboss, Adam ist seine rechte Hand. Esther und Pia ermitteln. [Leo Hölzer/Adam Schürk, Pia Heinrich/Esther Baumann, Tatort Saarbrücken, Mafia AU]

This series was literally a brainfart I had in the car while picking up food for lunch. I spent 2 days writing the first part and it's been haunting me ever since. I'm currently trying to write the next installment and progress is slow af. But I love this series, by god, I love it and it's still my baby. And the first 3 parts are good, so read them.

[haleigh-sloth]

I hope like me everyone else has already seen Aizawa-Shirakumo-Yamada trio dynamic in Ep 19 yesterday through small flashbacks and as a manga reader, who reads both the main series and Vigilantes, this episode hit me really hard. Will Studio Bones/ any other animation studio ever gonna animate MHA: Vigilantes?

Anon: I remember reading aizawa's flashback in vigilante and shirakumo was such a loveable character it's really a shame horikoshi always kills likeable and interesting characters like twice and shirakumo and keep a trash like endeavor and hawks.

Two different peeps answering together.

So I haven't read vigilantes, and I'm not sure if or when I will. BNHA drew me in with its villains, the LOV specifically so I'm not sure I could get into vigilantes. Aizawa is in fact one of my favs, but not so much that I'm gonna take on a whole other series to learn about him. At least not until BNHA is over and I get my happy ending.

I feel that Vigilantes could be animated if it takes off more once BNHA ends, because no doubt people will want more of it. But Vigilantes isn't written or drawn by Horikoshi, and idk, it might be hard to get some people invested if it's not from the original creator's mind. Not to say that the Vigilantes author isn't good at their job, but the characters and the world building and the concepts and messages of BNHA are from Horikoshi's mind and I don't know if I could get invested knowing it's not coming from him directly.

I wanna address anon and say that I think Hawks dying heroically is still a possibility, but I wouldn't call him "trash". I mean...he's being done a disservice right now, at least that's what it feels like. BUT if Horikoshi really does pay off on his negative foreshadowing for Hawks, then everything we're dealing with right now in the current chapters will have paid off I think. I also personally don't think killing off Endeavor works either, and I highly doubt he's going to die. It just doesn't fit with the Todofam's endgame. So there's a reason he's not dead too.

Killing Twice, while horrible and sad, directly plays into BNHA's underlying message. If you're troublesome and hard to take care of, your pain will get swept under the rug so society doesn't have to look at you.

**side note, I love that I can reference Shigaraki's speech like all the time because that's how relevant it is to the whole story**

There's also some real life connotations to that entire sequence too with Hawks and Twice, police brutality and what not. But that's a different topic. But, as much as I don't like saying this--ONLY IF Horikoshi pays off on Hawks's foreshadowing--Twice's death kind of improves the story, in the way that it nails the message harder. Especially if the ending carries out everything that's been set up, which I think it will. However, if Hori retcons Hawks, then it was all for fucking nothing and I'll die mad about it. But I don't think it'll be retconned into the void, I think it'll pay off to some degree, if not exactly how we were expecting.

And I mean, Horikoshi didn't "kill off" Shirakumo really, he was dead before the series started. Like, I know for sure Hori is not going to kill off any of the kids in BNHA. But showing that kids HAVE died in the line of hero work while still at school, without actually having to show it happen in real time, it adds more to the horrifying fact that UA continued creating child soldiers. I mean I guess it's because I wasn't attached to Shirakumo but I wouldn't call that him being killed off.

Honestly if Hori was going to kill anybody off it should have been Gran Tortilla. I would have been super down with that.

[boxedblondes]

killing eve fic recs

since we’re all yearning HARD after the s3 finale, i thought i’d share some of my personal favorite ke fics (in alphabetical order by author) to maybe, possibly, help fill the void until season 4!

we tried the world; good god, it wasn’t for us by agentpolastri (@topeve)

rating: G

warnings: major character death

summary: They jumped together. When do they not?

↳ i never ever ever read fics with a major character death warning, but mei is just such a fantastic writer i had to give it a try. this fic is SO exquisitely beautiful and heartbreaking. i’ve read it several times and it never fails to punch me square in the chest. i don’t have enough words to express how much i love this piece.

i don’t have a choice (but i’d still choose you) by agentpolastri (@topeve)

rating: T

warnings: major character death

summary: It’s the ending they didn’t want, but knew was coming anyways.

↳ well....... she did it to me again. idk what else to say about this except the line “she feels like a sunset.” makes me craaaaaazy

(if you need something a little happier after these fics, i could be your excuse for a lover is also wonderful)

this is what you wanted by dollsome (@dollsome-does-tumblr)

rating: T

warnings: none

summary: Villanelle goes to Alaska. Set after the season two finale.

↳ essentially v goes to alaska and absolutely hates it. a creative, funny, and lighthearted take on what could have happened post-s2.

you know i'm such a fool for you by dollsome (@dollsome-does-tumblr​)

rating: T

warnings: none

summary: Eve waits. Villanelle hallucinates. Set after 2x02.

↳ this was one of the first KE fics i ever read, so it holds a special little place in my heart. short, sweet, and very, very gentle.

Tell Me by dollsome (@dollsome-does-tumblr)

rating: T

warnings: none

summary: Eve and Villanelle catch up on what they've missed. Set right after 3.08.

↳ essentially, the girls FINALLY have a conversation about everything they haven’t talked about. a soft, cathartic little fic to fill the post-finale hole in all of our hearts.

touch and go by etymology

rating: not rated

warnings: none

summary: “Why are you in my hotel room at 3 a.m.,” says Eve. “I could not sleep,” says Villanelle, shrugging. Eve narrows her eyes. “Are you kidding me.”(Or, the one where Eve keeps hiding Villanelle from the authorities.)

↳ also one of the first KE fics i ever read. this one is short, soft, and gets their dynamic just perfect.

there are no rules when you show up here by glitteration

rating: E

warnings: sex stuff, dubious consent (kind of), ambiguously violent ending

summary: this is why we can't have nice things, darling. (eve goes ahead and hops out of the frying pan only to launch herself straight into the fire. post-s1 fic, told entirely through phone calls. working title in my gdocs was "the one with all the problematic phone sex")

↳ there is a lot of phone sex in this which, although problematic, is also very hot. the characterization in this fic is so on-point, and the dialogue is both funny and believable – which is often a delicate balance.

your body hurts me as the world hurts god by GucciAspirin

rating: M

warnings: sex stuff

summary: "I think of you when I look at the sky. I think about how we share it with so many other people - when it was clearly meant for just the two of us." // Villanelle wants closure

↳ another entry into the collection of lovely, sexy villaneve fics. this one also deals with the aftermath of the s1 finale.

tie me to your longing, I'll tie you down to mine by nextgreatadventure (@next-great-adventure)

rating: M

warnings: sex stuff

summary: These are all things Villanelle remembers. She doesn’t know if any of it meant love, but surely it meant something. It was not nothing.

↳ my comment on ao3 for this fic is: “I’m officially quitting my fic writing career because this is THE best villaneve fic out there, goodbye. :’)” and i think that’s all i need to say.

this dark world is precious to me by nextgreatadventure (@next-great-adventure)

rating: M 

warnings: sex stuff

summary: Eve dreams of so many things after Rome.

↳ this is the kind of fic that leaves you wanting more once you’ve finished reading it. it is sexy and complex and extremely well-written. i’ve reread it so many times in the past year and it’s just as good every time. 

If at last we be true by pengukat

rating: E

warnings: sex stuff

summary: My contribution to the "Eve doesn't stab Villanelle, they bone instead" repertory of works.

↳ i am.... suddenly realizing how many of the fics on this list are explicit. anyway, this one is perhaps the best sexytime villaneve fic of them all.

two wills (one mirror holding us dearer now) by poiesis (@weirddyke)

rating: E

warnings: sex stuff

summary: "I don’t want to be around you. / I don’t want to drink you in. / I want to walk into the heart of you / And never walk back out." Nico Alvarado, 'Tim Riggins Speaks of Waterfalls' – post-series, eve waits for the inevitable

↳ idk what to say about this. sometime after the s1 finale, v breaks into eve’s house (again) and they finally give into their mutual sexual attraction. it’s both hot and incredibly well-written – aka the best kind of fic.

of villages, and other places that villanelle would like to burn to the ground by silent_h (@yesokayiknow)

rating: T

warnings: canon-typical violence/death, animal death summary: canon divergence au, of course (but maybe not in the place that you were expecting)

↳ after the s1 finale, eve and v go on the run and “accidentally” take irina along for the ride. this fic is written in second person pov, and the stream-of-consciousness style is just gorgeous.

feedback loop by silent_h (@yesokayiknow​)

rating: T

warnings: none

summary: (season 2 episode 2 spoilers) the person you have called is not available. please try again.

↳ a lovely, dreamy look into eve’s mental state after 2x02. second person pov again!!!!

One Hundred Minutes of Normality by variousflumps

rating: M

warnings: none

summary: In which Eve and Oksana watch a movie. Finding Nemo, to be precise. "For the next" – Eve checks the back of the DVD case – "one hundred minutes you and I are going to pretend that the following things are true. One, neither of us is a psychopath. Two, we both strongly disapprove of murder. Three, I never stabbed you, four, you're not even thinking about stabbing me back, and five, we're dating and have a perfectly normal, healthy relationship. I need one hundred minutes of normality or my entire head is going to explode. Do you want popcorn?"

↳ THEY FINALLY WATCH A MOVIE!! (but they mostly ignore it in favor of having the world’s most chaotic get-to-know-you conversation.) funny, sexy, and incredibly full of life.

and of course! what’s a reclist without some self-promo. my own KE fics can be found right here. comments and feedback are ofc always appreciated ♥️

[girlofmanyfandoms]

Forbidden Spicy Gatorade Chronicles Chapter One

A/n: Ok, so the cult is getting stronger by the minute so if you haven’t been introduced yet, don’t be offended! I’ll try to go through everyone and introduce you in the next chapter. Erica (@the-never-ending-void) has asked not to be included in this fic.

Key:

Tater - @a-lonely-tatertot 

Lynn - @lesbilynnette

Gray - @silver-snow

Lilah - @tribblemakingalicorn

Cadence - me

Ivy - @imaramennoodle

Molly - @molly-sencen

Farris - @everyonehasthoughts

Speens - @an-absolute-travesty

Holes - @holesinmyfalseconfidence

Connor - @linhammon-roll-bromance101

Panda - @worldwidepandamonium

Meg - @ultralazycreatorfan

Word count: 2,382

Warnings: If you’re reading this, you already know what’s about to pop off

Lilah poked Cadence’s shoulder who promptly rolled over. Lilah poked her several more times, a bit more aggressively. Grumbling Cadence sat up quickly and smacked her head on the top of the bunk bed. She sighed, rubbing her forehead. Her eyes slowly adjusted to her surroundings, taking in the strangely black, purple, and gold aesthetic room.

“Why’d you wake me up?”

“You got a notification,” Lilah said, eyes wide open, handing her the phone, slowly walking out of their shared room.

Cadence furrowed her brows, unlocking the phone before calling out to her roommate. “Wait, how long have you been up?”

“OREOS!” she called back. “Where are the keys?”

“On the kitchen counter,” Cadence replied, checking her emails. 1 unread message from Gray, the AI developer who she made small talk with during lunch breaks.

Dear Cadence,

Good evening! There’s a new play coming out on Mainstreet, called The Facade, and I was approached by the team to create a promotional piece. I was hoping you could help, and we would split the rewards 50/50. The play is about a murder crime, which is plotted out in a series of intricate riddles. The plot twist: the lead detective was the murderer, and had been delaying her trial while she was pretending to gather evidence, and stealing from a suspect to gain enough money to flee. And her second in command was funding the plots without knowing that her boss was the mastermind behind it all.

Ok, now that my boss has read above the cut we can talk freely. The offer is real, and I WOULD like to split it 50/50, I just can’t stand talking all formal, y’know? Anyway, since you said you do animations and stuff as a side gig, I thought maybe you could make the animations, and I’ll edit and do the social networking? Idk, I’m just spitballing here, let me know what you think.

Also, Lilah directed me towards this email, she’s really good at tracking people down.

Sorry if I made any spelling mistakes, I haven’t slept in weeks,

Gray

“Huh,” Cadence huffed, glancing at the clock. 3 AM. She had time. So, grabbing her IPad, she opened Procreate and got to work. The Facade. Sounds interesting enough. But what to draw? A lock perhaps? A silhouette of the main character? Before she could decide, her phone buzzed again, a voice recording this time, from Lilah.

“Hey, so I just ran into two of the actresses from The Facade and they said they want to talk to you about it so you can create a better promotional vid, meet me at the local library, k bye.”

Cadence wished on a shooting star that at least an hour had passed by so the buses would be running. But how wrong she was. It was 3 AM. It was raining. And the library was at least a mile away.

“This should be fun,” she mumbled, grabbing her set of keys, her IPad, and a raincoat before jogging the mile it took to get to the library.

_______

By the time Cadence arrived her hair was drenched and she was so out of breath and tired she thought she was going to pass out. She looked for any sign of her roommate, but she was nowhere to be found. Instead, she saw three people sitting at a table chatting freely and crying laughing. The librarian wasn’t fazed in the slightest. On the contrary, they seemed to be enjoying it, leaning over the library’s registry system, talking with them. Quickly Googling “The Facade,” Cadence confirmed that the two ladies were the actresses from the play. The other one offered occasional comments, mostly just watching the occurrences that went on. Social anxiety kicked in and told her to run in the other direction, but she really needed the money. She forced herself to approach them.

“Hey, I’m Cadence,” I introduce myself nervously. “Lilah said you wanted to speak to me about promoting your play?”

“Cadence! Lilah mentioned your animations, and we thought it’d be a new, eye-catching way to get our work out there,” the first one chirped. “I’m Molly, by the way. I play the detective’s second in command.”

“And I’m Ivy,” the other one greeted. “I play the lead.”

Cadence expected the third person to introduce themself next, but the librarian took the initiative. “Hello, fellow human, you may address me as SPEENS, I accept liver sacrifices.”

“They do that all the time,” the third person assured her. “Tater, by the way. I’m not in the play, I’m just working on a novel with Molly. We met up here to talk to good ‘ol Speens when these bit-”

“Language,” Molly warned.

“When these lovely individuals,” Tater corrected, “decided to make this a research sesh for the book. As if we needed more work. I’m free to fly wherever the wind takes me.”

“Amen to that, sibling,” Speens responded solemnly, pulling five wine glasses and vodka out from under the desk like a bartender. Cadence looked confused, but not against it. “Say, where’s the rest of the crew? Lynn, Gray, Farris, and the lot of them?”

“Farris doesn’t work on the set,” Ivy reminded her. “They’re an archaeologist. Holes makes the sets for us.”

Speens wrinkled their nose, seemingly in disgust. “And the others?”

“Well, if you can take a break, we can meet up with them at the theatre. Even Farris, since I heard their last trip was a bust,” Molly offered.

Without a second thought, Speens put up a sign that read “The Librarian is Out.”

“Do they-”

“All the time,” Ivy nodded. “It’s kinda their thing.”

“But, yeah, Farris and Connor tend to hang around the set,” Molly explained. “They don’t bother anyone, no one bothers them. They’re a bit older, kinda like the authority figures of the group.”

“If authority figures would let you make a dumba-”

“Tater,” Ivy nudged.

Tater changed their wording. “-unwise move in order to see what would happen.”

“They’re responsible for us without being responsible for us, if that makes sense,” Ivy commented. “Let’s get going though, before someone blows something up.” She shot a sideways glance at Speens, who put a hand up in surrender.

________

Ivy swung open the doors to the theatre and immediately had to duck for cover. “What the HELL, Connor?”

They were holding onto some theatre seats, zooming back and forth the row on rollerblades, occasionally losing balance and having to sit down. After a particularly messy turn-around, they decided to crawl over to the red carpeted steps and laid there for a moment. Farris was perched in a seat a row down, calming watching as Connor seemed to be having an existential crisis. Upon seeing Tater and Cadence, Farris got up, carefully stepping around Connor. “New kids?”

“Farris, this is Tater, and that’s Cadence,” Ivy helped. “They’re helping us promote the play.”

“Congratulations, you’re adopted,” they vowed, though Tater looked confused. “What? I don’t make the rules. Oh, wait, I’m supposed to be the responsible one…. Ok, so I make the rules, but they can be bent if the alternative’s interesting enough. Right, Connor?”

“Uh huh,” he called from the floor tiredly. If he hadn’t spoken, he would have been deemed dead.

“Lynn and the rest of the gang are in the back,” Farris informed them, pulling a skateboard from under their seat and helping Connor stand. Connor’s rollerblades flailed a bit as he struggled to get up, but his arm was slung around Farris’s shoulder, supporting him.

“DO A KICKFLIP,” Connor prompted, his words slurred.

“Are you kidding, I haven’t skateboarded since I was six, I need an actual skate park to practice that,” Farris recounted. “And how drunk are you?”

“Yes,” he responded, giggling in a hiccupy way. “Does anyone have more vodka?”

“I got you fam,” Speens said, pulling out a suitcase of alcohol from thin air.

“Anyways,” Ivy interjected, trying to get the conversation back on track. “I’ll go get the others, wait here.”

Ivy returned with Gray, Lynn, Holes, Panda, and Meg, and introduced them accordingly. “Gray works on the special effects, Lynn designed everyone’s costumes, Holes makes the set, Panda is a theatre critic, and Meg is our concept artist.”

“So, other than animation, is there anything else you bring to the table?” Molly asked.

“Well, I do glass art,” Cadence supplied. “It’s probably not relevant, but when it’s still really hot and glowy, which is when you can shape it, it looks like it would make a good snack. Hell, it almost looks like Gatorade. I can show a picture if you’d like.”

Cadence took her phone out and everyone crowded around to see.

“More like Powerade, Gatorade doesn’t come in that kind of blue,” Speens added.

“F O R B I D D E N S P I C Y G A T O R A D E,” Connor yelled, startling Farris.

“NO,” Holes countered, clearly distressed. “Do NOT drink molten glass. You’d die!”

“You call it death, I call it adventure,” Molly smirked. “I’m here for it. C’mon Holes, live a little.”

“Sis, how have you made it to adulthood thinking like that?” Lynn questioned, looking a bit scared.

“And I know how to live, I’m living right now!” Holes countered.

“Sure you are, nerd.” Molly rolled her eyes. “And how many near death experiences have you had, huh?”

“Near death- okay, first of all, I am not a nerd-”

“You kinda are,” Tater mumbled. Holes gasped, putting a hand over her heart as if they were betrayed. “What? You are. You make a living off of reading books.”

“Used to, friend,” Holes clarified. “I’m a freelance artist now. I picked up this gig because of these fools. And good thing too, because now you’re about to poison yourselves! Second of all, um, none?! How many have you had?”

Molly clicked her tongue in disappointment. “Five. Blended corn, acorns, eating soap, eating paper, and an intense game of dodgeball. I haven’t even peaked with these experiences yet.”

“Immortal until proven mortal,” Connor finished for her.

Meg stood next to Molly and held her shoulders. “This girl, she’s going places.”

“Meg, not you, too, I swear to god-”

“sLuRp,” Ivy joined in, grinning from ear to ear.

Holes was getting hysterical. “What the actual hell is going on? Lynn, help me out here.”

“The Gatorade is Forbidden for a reason, kids,” Lynn tried to reason.

Gray stood up with a mischievous glint in their eyes. “Where can we get it?”

“From the crunchy forbidden chocolate powder, of course,” Connor chimed in. Panda gave him a high-five while Holes became paler and paler from the cult forming in front of their eyes.

“This one speaks the truth,” Panda shrugged.

“Ok, what even is crunchy forbidden chocolate powder?”

“Sand, duh,” Connor said matter of factly. “Add some vodka, a martini, and some olives, and you got one heck of a slushie.”

“So that means there must be Forbidden Chewy Lettuce and Flavoured Forbidden Chewy Lettuce,” Tater went on. “Grass and flower petals. Cursed, but not wrong.”

“Ooh, and crackle air can be limestones and sodium carbonate, pies are dirt, bread is wood, and hard candy is metal,” Panda proclaimed.

“Fidget spinners are Forbidden Bagels, too,” Connor helped. “I should know, I tried the other day and cut my lip.”

Farris ignored the last part of Connor’s rant. “The variety pack, I like the sound of that.”

“Farris you’re supposed to look after us and you’re condoning this?!” Holes shouted.

Farris mounted his skateboard. “I’m not condoning anything. I’m enabling and hyping them up without joining in. That’s some big brain stuff.”

“This is why they control the brain cell,” Ivy nodded. “WAIT, ARE MY CHICKEN NUGGETS BURNING?!”

“Ives, you literally set a timer on the microwave backstage, you’re fine,” Tater reassured Ivy, holding her from running to check on her meal.

“Oh, like you know anything about microwaves,” Ivy argued. “You microwave ice cream.”

“It takes too long to soften, and I’m impatient,” Tater defended, turning to address Holes. “And it is eaten with a spoon.”

“Do not start this debate again- you know what, Panda, get ice cream from the mini-fridge, we’re settling this here and now,” Holes demanded.

“I think the real question is why is ice cream so hard,” Speens mentioned as Panda brought a tub of Haagen Daz ice cream. Holes used a fork to attempt to chisel out part of the snack. It wasn’t very successful.

“I think that’s just how Haagen Daz works,” Cadence observed.

Holes saw this as an opportunity to gain some momentum in the argument. “Not just this brand! All ice cream works like that!!!”

“No,” Panda objected. “Not Breyer’s. That stuff is always just right when you need it. Hashtag not sponsored.”

“Did you just break the fourth wall?” Lynn asked. “You know what, I don’t wanna know, just for the love of all that is good in this world please don’t drink the Forbidden Spicy Gatorade.”

“Too late,” Cadence said. “It’s easily accessible. Also, I’m calling E so we can recruit her.”

“Holes, I know you’re hiding it from us,” Molly speculated.

“What are you talking-”

“You’re keeping the Forbidden Spicy Gatorade all to yourself because you know of its power and you want it all to yourself.”

“I don’t HAVE the Gatorade, and I’m explicitly telling you it’s going to kill you if you drink it!”

As the bickering went on, Lynn slipped off to the vacant staff lounge to pull out her phone. There had to be a supplier somewhere who would give them this. She searched for a few minutes, and, after a few dead ends, she finally found an investor. “Cha-ching. Forbidden Incorporated is in business,” Lynn smiled to herself.

“Forbidden Incorporated, eh?” Farris asked from the doorway. Lynn froze and cursed herself for forgetting to lock the door. Now Farris knew of her plans. “Tell you what, I’ll keep your secret under one condition: We split the money 50/50, and get equal control over the decisions. So, deal?”

Lynn hesitated. She wasn’t sure she could trust Farris, but seeing as this was the only way to stop Holes from knowing just yet, she had no other choice. “Deal.”

_______

A/n: So that was fun and took entirely too long to write. I hope you enjoyed it and if you’re in the cult and I didn’t include you, reblog this and I’ll make a list. The next chapter might focus on a smaller group bc there are like thirteen characters here and I’m tired. Peace out!

[yourdesertsunflower]

002|| Sasuke XD

Well, I wasn’t expecting Sausage but I have A LOT to say about him. So thank you @toxicdeathboy this is going to be fun, at least for me. 

How I feel about this character: 

Even though this isn’t even the most problematic out of all the points to answer in this list but I got to say I feel quite conflicted with Sasuke. 

Unlike many people that saw Naruto since they were toddlers and grew in parallel to this anime I watched it when I was quite older, more exactly when I was sixteen. So yeah, that framed a lot my perspective a Sasuke and how I view his character (and takes away the nostalgia factor of having watched the show all your life)

At the beginning of the anime Sasuke was in within my top favorite characters. He was just a cool smart-ass, an almost stereotypical fuck-boy but that had some depth in him: a clear moral conduct, a genuine care for his team mates and abilities that not only made him look incredible but that also where backed up by logic and didn’t break the manga apart (yeah!). And although Sasuke little by little started falling in the charts either because of  new characters appearing and basically dominating the higher positions or because of little things that surrounded the character that I wasn’t completely fond of (like every character except from Hinata automatically falling for him or being obsessed with him, or getting help either from the script of other characters whenever he was in real trouble) I still appreciated his character.  

He is a well-written character I can deny that but there was one moment that throw me completely off. (What I am going to say following this is completely subjective and can be discussed so if you got another opinion I would love to hear it, just a disclaimer because it maybe sounds way to harsh)

In the middle of the Fourth Great Ninja War, Sasuke is reunited with Itachi. That was a pretty good moment, filled up with emotions in with Sasuke is finally able to understand the intentions behind his brother’s acts. He finally understands that everything he had done was to protect both Konoha and him, that he had basically lived a man of criminal in order to protect the integrity of them both. So what did Sasuke decide to do? A revolution through which he’ll destroy himself and Konoha. 

Did I missed something? 

That would make completely sense if he hadn’t met Itachi and therefore stayed in the same psycho-mode as he was but it’s completely nonsense that after being talked down by Itachi and learning everything he still decided to do that. In my point of view this completely broke the consistency in his characterization and hence, generated my conflicted feelings towards him. 

On the one hand we have a composed, serious and consistent Sasuke with almost every appearance he has is f***ing cool and that has logical drives and it’s heavily positive input in his manga/anime. On the other hand we have a completely illogical Sasuke that basically only says he is going to have a revolution because Kishimoto needed an excuse to have his fight against Naruto being the end of the manga and a Sasuke which is highly favored by his author. 

Hence the word conflicted being the best word I can choose. Sometimes I like him a lot, sometimes I dislike him a lot. I can’t decide on one. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character: 

Shipping and Sasuke. Like, Sasuke was so obsessed by revenge, specially during the whole of Shippuden, that I can hardly say I genuinely ship him with almost anyone, nor I cared that much. Sasuke x Revenge and Naruto x Ramen are clear OTPs that no one can deny. 

Well getting a little bit more serious I’ll try to dive a little bit into each ship that I had considered during my experience in the fandom: 

Sasuke x Sakura: To be  honest I was almost  100% spoiled of every mayor event in the anime before starting to read it. Thanks, brother. You call it, Jiraiya’s Death, checked. Minato and Kushina being Naruto’s parents, checked. Tobi being Obito, checked. And so I was spoiled both NaruHina and SasuSaku. So when I first started to see the series I was looking forward to see both of this relationships developed. Unluckily I didn’t got that much. But I got to say I  liked the idea of a possible relationship developing between Sasuke and Sakura during Part I, where a grown-up Sakura’s feelings will develop from obsession to a genuine care and Sasuke will open up to her. But none of this happened and then all absolutely fell into pieces in Part II when Sasuke almost killed her. That in my world is a big no, and despite I like their interactions in Boruto and I genuinely ship them in this period of time as they seem to have an honest feeling towards each other. However, I can’t get behind that he did almost killed her (despite Sasuke being in a state of mind that we can hardly call sane) so I ship them but not that much. 

Sasuke x Anyone from Team Taka: I could easily ship them with anyone from the Team, despite I don’t have a particular interest over any other romantic pairing in particular. I think that with anyone of them, given a little more of development could have made a good pairing for Sasuke since they show a great care for him and their friendship even when they didn’t necessarily needed to. Beside that, I don’t have that much to say and repeating more or less the same things for Karin, Suigetsu and Jugo just seemed to match.  

Sasuke x Ino: I just like who their personality match at the end of their respective arcs all through Naruto Shippuden with a mature and calm Sasuke and a caring and witty Ino. However there’s little to no evidence of Sasuke even caring for Ino so I can only see it as more of a crack ship. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character: 

Naruto x Sasuke: I know everyone sees incredibly romantic undertones between them, and you’re probably right, I just don’t see it. I see them more as they would feel the void of the family they had lost acting as each others brother. They compete, they help and they relate to each other (in my point of view) more as brothers than as lovers. 

My unpopular opinion about this character: 

If what said in before wasn’t already unpopular enough (I think it already was) I have another one that I think it’s even more unpopular. 

I don’t find Sasuke THAT attractive, physically speaking. 

I mean he is just a good-looking person, nothing less and nothing more. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: My OTP:

Duh, Sasuke x Revange. 

Well I’m sorry I can hardly think of which ship I prefer over the other. I can really have an OTP for this character but if I got to say one it’ll probably NaruSasu, like idk. This is hard. It’s completely irrational since I have just explained why I don’t view them in a ‘romantic way’ but if I got to stay with the most significant relationship of Sasuke that got to be his bond with Naruto. I have no doubts of that. 

My Cross Over Ship:

You got no idea how long I been thinking about this. 

This might be a little weird, specially considering that I had already made a post  comparing her to a Naruto character which I could never ship with Sasuke but I think it would be interesting to see her with Kagura of InuYasha. 

I really would like to see Sasuke with someone who is able to match him in his own game. Someone that is also mature, calculating, confident and that won’t let him manipulate her while still having a softer side. Or maybe is just because I like female characters like this and I am just tricking myself into believe this will work. So, yes, I genuinely don’t know who this would work but I consider it’ll be nonetheless intriguing. 

A Headcanon Fact:

Sasuke is a proficient writer and has a notebook in which tends to write while he is on his journeys across the continent. He usually writes more whenever he misses his home, his friends or family. No one knows what he writes in there, not even Sakura as he is too ashamed to show them. Maybe too personal? 

-

Well here you got it. Late in better than never. Thanks again for the ask. I am sure this is not what you wanted but Sasuke is quite a problematic for me to analyze and write about but I hope that at least it was somewhat entertaining.  Have a nice day!

[sunshineandfangs]

Klarosummer - Quote || Versprechen

Quote: “I will make you eat my floppy hat if you keep asking about Dimples McAccent.”

@klarosummerbingo

Caroline had long grown used to her hunger, the odd void all of her kind felt. Even as they scoured the earth trying to fill it with all manners of things, that sense of absence remained. 

Some chose rarities as their vice of choice: objects or beings or both. Others indulged in emotion. Others still in dreams.

Personally, she thought it was foolish to limit herself. And so she collected a little bit of everything. Not to say she wasn’t discerning. Of course she was. Only the most precious remained in her personal collection.

And habit meant it felt natural to look at the world around her and mentally pick the pieces she liked best. The shape of that brunette woman’s eyes. The flush in that stuttering man’s cheeks. The odd little scar on that small child’s knee. 

And those were only the superficial things. There were others. Little tastes and licks of sweet compassion, sour jealousy, bitter anger.

Then, she met him.

---

He swaggered his way into her office. 

Blonde curls, blue eyes, pink-red lips that curled into a wicked smirk. Dimples that carved into his cheeks as he did so. Any one of those features would be worth taking, but together they were lethal.

And this creature knew it. She could gorge for centuries on his arrogance alone. His decadent paranoia. Rage. Loneliness. Hate. Love. 

Caroline unconsciously licked her lips. He was veritable feast.

His power was nothing to scoff at either. The cold bite of death and the rich copper of blood.The musk and spice of a wolf. All aged together for centuries.

She would be a fool if she didn’t know who this creature was, and Caroline was no fool.

So, what brought the Original Hybrid to her?

“Mr. Mikaelson,” she greeted, a smile on her lips, “take a seat.” She gestured toward the armchair. “What can I do for you today?”

He sauntered forward, near lounged in the chair as faux-carelessness worked to hide his predatory nature. She was sure he fooled many into erroneous complacency.

And though the smirk had faded, he still exuded arrogance as he spoke.

“Ah, see it is actually a question of what I can do for you.”

“Oh?”

The smirk was back. “I heard you had an interest in Silas?”

Her head cocked, curious where he was taking this. “He’s a bit before your time, Mr. Mikaelson.”

“He was,” the man drawled. “Some fools were messing around with forces beyond them. Needless to stay they got in over their heads and one thing led to another.” He leaned forward. “And now, I can offer Silas to you.”

“Silas is an Immortal. How did you kill him?” Caroline was skeptical to say the least. Silas was an impulsive boy, but surely there would have been more waves from the supernatural grapevine if he had risen.

“At the hands of the servants of nature themselves. Petrification, nifty little thing that.”

Caroline leaned back in her chair, intrigued. If true, she would love to get her hands on him. Though, likely not for the reasons the hybrid expected. She would devour his Immortality and magic in gulping bites certainly, but the true reason was a bit more sentimental. 

See, Qetsiyah had been a friend of sorts once. A precocious child and a delightfully pernicious woman. The least she could do was torment her betrayer a little before sending him to her.

She drummed her fingers on her desk, eyeing the hybrid’s continued easy confidence, and inclined her head.

“I need to speak to your witches before I make my decision.”

He just nodded, seeming to have expected that. “Shall I call her, then? My brother can have her here in an hour or so.” Reading her expression, he reached for his phone and proceeded to do just that.

As he hung up, Caroline went to speak wanting to suss out what he was considering as payment for Silas, only to be interrupted by a shout.

“I will make you eat my floppy hat if you keep asking about ‘Dimples McAccent’!”

Her guest looked amused, raising an eyebrow at her, but Caroline was annoyed.

“Apologies, one moment,” she said a bit curtly, her heels clicking sharply as she ducked out into the hallway

Sybil stood with her arms crossed, appearing uncharacteristically riled, a gaggle of the younger interns (infants really) arrayed before her.

Caroline could piece together what had likely happened, though she still demanded answers.

“Sybil, explain.”

The brunette turned to her, expression smoothed into something a bit embarrassed and apologetic.

“Forgive me, Caroline, it seems some of us,” she leveled a sharp glare over her shoulder before continuing, “have the survival instincts of a pack of lemmings and the discretion of a peacock.” She took a breath. “They were most eager to tangle with the hybrid, wanting a shot at claiming his looks and voice for themselves.”

Caroline fought the twitching of her lip, admittedly finding such an idea rather humorous, understanding now what had set the normally tranquil brunette off. The woman had a bit of a protective streak after all.

“Do keep your scolding a tad quieter next time, Sybil. As for the rest of you,” Caroline glared the interns into submission. “When my business is concluded you are free to make whatever attempts you please.” Her smile then was all predatory delight, noting the uneasy shifting of a few. Perhaps, their intellect had returned after all. “You’re dismissed.” 

She whirled around, stalking back into her office.

Refusing to acknowledge that slightly shameful debacle, she got straight to business as she re-seated herself.

“So, Mr. Mikaelson, assuming you do in fact have Silas, what is it you want?”

“A favor of sorts. You won’t act against me or my family, and you’ll inform me of any you know that are attempting it.”

“I’m not one of your lackeys,” she reminded him, archly.

Rather than grow offended, the hybrid seemed even more smug. “Is Silas not a hefty enough payment, then? What if I informed you Amara had also been uncovered?”

Now, she was interested.

“Then, you would have your favor.”

“Wonderful, but for both Silas and Amara I would like to make an addition. You understand?”

Frankly, it would have been a bit disappointing had he not bargained for more. She laced her fingers together as she regarded him, waiting for him to continue, wondering what he would try to demand.

“There are two particular souls on the Other Side that have long been a thorn in my side. In return for Silas and Amara, I want them destroyed in addition to my previously asked favor.”

Her eyes glinted in delight, this deal was excellent. She was a bit surprised the hybrid hadn’t demanded more. Perhaps he had already learned the perils of boredom? No matter.

She extended her hand.

“Very well. In exchange for Silas and Amara I shall not act against one Niklaus Mikaelson nor his family. I shall inform him of any malicious plots should I become aware of them. I shall destroy two souls as specified by him. This I so pledge.”

He took her hand, grip firm with warm skin and fingertips lightly calloused. “So mote it be.”

A rope of light twined about their hands, burning as it sunk into their flesh. A small sigil briefly flashed on both of their wrists before fading.

Caroline was delighted, her grin widening as a knock sounded at her door.

The witch and the brother.

“Come in.”

Oh, what a marvelous century this was turning out to be.

---

Author’s note: The title means “Promise” or “Pledge” in German. Idk how I feel about this one. Well, no matter here you go.

Edit: The inspiration for what Caroline is partially comes from Rumpelstiltskin and his deal making which has German origins. Admittedly, there’s also OUAT interpretation of that character thrown in along with demon deal implications.

[hellevator-mp3]

how it all went wrong (and what went right) || Part 1

Pairing(s): Woosan, Seongsang, Yungi

Genre: ?? Not even sure what to call this?? mild fluff and idk what else

Word Count: 3000+

Warnings: bc this is a zombie au, there will probably be some mildly gory descriptions, moderate violence, and who knows what else?? but everything will be tagged here!

Author Note: y’all,,,, i literally wrote this in one night,,,, and i’m so excited to actually be posting it!! i got inspired to write this after reading “kenopsia” by skz_jpeg on ao3, which i 100% recommend!! anyways this probably won’t be super long of a series, but it’ll probably be somewhere between 10 and 20 parts?? i’m not 100% sure yet tho!!

it’s hard to forget where you were when tragedy struck, even after years pass.

when it started, yeosang was at his favorite department store, browsing the racks one minute, and locked in the manager’s office the next.  his savior, a boy in red by the name of seonghwa, told him that he was mere feet away from the undead.  

°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°

even at night, the city of seoul was almost always bustling with people.  whether they were just getting off work, or just going to work, just going shopping or coming home from a night of drinking, there were always people lining the streets.  bars would be open, music blasting onto the streets every time the front door opened.  businesses would have their lights on, workers dozing off behind desks and counters as they worked the midnight shift.  corner stores were always open, their bright signs flashing “open!” at anyone who happened to pass by.  

however, yeosang had never seen the seoul streets this empty and quiet.  then again, he had never walked home in the dead of night with a machete clutched in one hand, and a stranger’s hand in the other.  he had also never faced death in the face of the undead, but it turns out that there’s a first time for everything.  

it had been peaceful, the late night crowds in the underground mall slowly dissipating as yeosang leisurely browsed the racks of his favorite department store at a quarter to midnight, just a few hours before the store would close.  he had been in the underground mall for hours at this point, but had come out of nearly every store empty-handed, but he swore that that wouldn’t be the case with this one.  although the mall was clearing out, there was still loud chatter in the hallways that enveloped the building.  he assumed that the shrieks fading into the distance were due to a celebrity or something showing up, and continued on his search for new clothing.  because his paycheck had been rather large this time around and he had money to spare, he decided to treat himself for once.  he had an armful of clothes, and was just turning around to check out when a voice shouted “look out” not even a foot away from him, and he turned to see a person.  but no, it wasn’t just any person.  it was someone wearing the store’s uniform, presumably once an employee, but judging by the chunk of flesh missing from their neck, the sickly color of their skin, and the blood that stained their shirt, it could be assumed that they were no longer alive enough to be employed.  

there was a tug on his wrist, and he watched the person - zombie? undead? - lurch dangerously close to where he was just standing.  he was pulled back into a solid chest at the same time as a wooden pole appeared in the corner of his eye, smacking the undead on the side of the head, causing it to lose balance and tumble to the floor, which bought them just enough time to bolt for the manager's office.  they were lucky, yeosang thought, at the metal door swung open with ease and soon clicked closed behind them.  there was a small window up near the top of the door, which they watched through as the undead seemed to lose sight of them and wandered off.  for a brief moment, yeosang compared the being to a baby, considering that it seemed to have the same concept of object permanence as one.  he shook his head at the thought, watching the being stumble between the racks and out the front of the shop, presumably to look for another victim.  a loud sigh of relief made reminded him of the other presence in the room, a bleach blond boy slumping against the wall next to the door.  yeosang remained standing and studied him curiously, eyes raking over the unfamiliar face for a second before the boy looked up and they made eye contact -- and suddenly yeosang couldn’t look away.  piercing, almost ashy green eyes held his gaze, the color unnatural but suiting the stranger.  the firetruck red hoodie that covered his upper half was striking against his hair, the combo obviously very carefully put together to attract attention.  the two sat in silence for a few moments, just studying one another, before the stranger was hauling himself back to his feet with the help of the wooden pole still clutched in his hand.  his free hand was soon extended to yeosang, and he was introducing himself as seonghwa.  

yeosang soon learned that the country was in a state of emergency.  some sort of scientific outbreak had occurred, and soon, people were dying and coming back to life, but only halfway, resulting in beings like the one they had just seen.  seonghwa informed him that the mall was crawling with them, but that it would be good for them to get out as soon as possible.  yeosang nodded in response, before suggesting that the two of them stick together and go back to yeosang’s apartment, where they would likely be safer than out in the open.  seonghwa readily agreed, and soon they were setting out.  just before they left the store, however, yeosang headed to the back and grabbed one of the biggest backpacks he could find, and shoved some of the more useful clothes that he was planning on buying into it.  after looking around and making sure the store was clear, he ordered seonghwa to go find either a leather jacket or a denim one.  his only reply to the confused look he got was a deadpan one in return.  “denim and leather are hard to bite through, and these things are humans, with human teeth.”  he quietly informed him, getting an understanding nod in return.  they split up but stayed within a few feet of one another, as yeosang shoved his arms through the sleeves of a denim jacket, and tossed a leather one into the backpack.  just a few rows over, he saw seonghwa doing the same.  he hissed that they needed to hurry, and the other nodded, before they joined up to exit the store.  

they were lucky, somehow managing to make it to a camping supply store without seeing a single undead.  they ducked inside, splitting up to find supplies to take home, since yeosang had mentioned that he didn’t have a lot of things that they would need.  he figured that if the world ever sorted itself out, he’d keep a tally of what they stole - borrowed - and pay for it when everything was right again.  seonghwa came back with his own bag, full of things that they would need if the electricity went out, or they ran out of food, and supplies to purify water if they needed to.  yeosang was in the middle of unboxing a pocket knife, which he then used to cut the packaging on a machete.  the pocket knife was stuffed into his jacket pocket, and seonghwa shoved another packaged machete into his bag before saying they needed to leave.  

as they were navigating their way out of the mall, yeosang suddenly pulled seonghwa into a beauty supply store.  seonghwa went to question him, but yeosang just pulled him to the side of the door into a small cubby-like space, pressing the two of them together and pressing a finger to his lips.  they heard stumbling footsteps over the sound of their breathing, followed by a short moan that quickly dissipated as the figure passed.  yeosang checked quickly to make sure it had passed, before venturing further into the store and gesturing for seonghwa to follow him.  it wasn’t long before they stumbled across one of the undead at the back of the store, where yeosang was pulling down a box what appeared to be the same dye he used to achieve the blush colored hair he currently sported, as well as one that seonghwa assumed was his natural - or as close to natural as he could get - hair color to cover it up with.  after the undead was taken care of and the dyes were in yeosang’s backpack, and he had finally convinced seonghwa to grab what he needed to maintain his own platinum blond hair (“it looks good on you! you have to keep it!” yeosang had rambled on excitedly at the prospect of helping seonghwa with his hair), the two continued to make their way out, the contents of their bags rattling slightly with every step.  seonghwa cursed as they had to take out another undead before finally hitting the escalators, which hadn’t shut off just yet.  they rode in silence, standing as close to each other as they could and watching each other’s back.  

the sirens that blared got louder and louder the closer they got to the surface, and yeosang idly wondered why he couldn’t hear even a hint of them while he was in the store.  when they finally got out of the mall, they found the streets empty and near void of life.  the moans of the undead could be heard from where they were, so they decided to speed up their pace, even just a little bit.  just a few blocks from yeosang’s apartment building, they were just passing by a supermarket when seonghwa pulled them inside, pulling the same maneuver as yeosang had just a few hours before, at the sight of a zombie about a mile away.  he shushed yeosang quickly, keeping an eye out for the undead to pass them by.  they were lucky it hadn’t noticed the automatic doors that had slid open at their appearance, and remained open as they stood next to it.  

yeosang finally breathed a sigh of relief as seonghwa finally pulled himself away, before looking around, trying to ignore the flush on his cheeks from their proximity.  sure, it was okay when yeosang had done it to seonghwa, but the other way around had a feeling bubbling up in yeosang’s stomach that he didn’t like.  the building seemed quiet, and the two of them exchanged glances.  “should we grab a cart or two and take some of this back to your place? before somebody else raids it?” seonghwa suggested quietly, eying the carts just past the door to their right.  yeosang shrugged, agreeing that it might be a good idea.  

since it was the dead of night and the country was considered under a state of emergency, it was assumed that most people would be holed up inside their apartments and houses under morning, at the very least.  with a nod, they grabbed two of the shopping carts and started walking up and down the aisles.  seonghwa stocked his full of bottled water, checking it often to make sure that it wasn’t too heavy to push down the street and to get into an elevator.  yeosang’s was soon full of canned goods and other things that wouldn’t spoil quickly, along with little things for them to snack on in the meantime, things that they may not be able to enjoy for long.  he also stocked up on various vitamins, telling seonghwa that having a stronger immune system may help them in the long run.  seonghwa nodded in agreement, before also throwing bottles of shampoo into yeosang’s cart, “just in case”, he said.  just as their quiet ‘shopping trip’ was coming to an end, they heard the automatic doors open and froze in their spot.  footsteps echoed around the store, but there wasn’t a moan to be heard - therefore, it had to be somebody alive that was inhabiting the store with them.  yeosang and seonghwa were soon back to back, wielding their respective weapons as they watched either end of the aisle with bated breath, waiting for either friend or foe to pop out.  

a silver haired boy, and a black haired boy with red highlights appeared from behind the endcap, one of them holding a hand basket while the other wielded a kitchen knife.  with his free hand, seonghwa, who was facing the two boys, tapped yeosang’s upper thigh to signal for him to turn around.  the two groups finally took notice of one another, the silver haired boy nearly shrieking in surprise.  the black haired boy quickly covered his mouth, shushing him quietly.  “we’re not here to hurt you or raid you, we’re just trying to stock up before everyone else does.  we can’t get back into our apartment, our building is surrounded in the undead and they’re walking the hallways, too, so this is our only shot.”  the black haired boy explained quickly and quietly, letting his hand drop from the other boy’s mouth, and letting it drop to intertwine with the other’s.  before yeosang could reply, seonghwa had already blurted out that they could follow them to yeosang’s apartment, and they could figure it out in the morning.  the two boys exchanged glances, while yeosang was sputtering indignantly, yanking seonghwa to the end of the aisle and out of sight for a minute, completely disregarding their carts.  

seonghwa raised an eyebrow, and yeosang took a deep breath before finally speaking a proper sentence.  “you can't just invite people into my home!” he hissed, trying to make sure the others couldn't hear him.  seonghwa sent him a deadpan look, before gesturing down to himself.  at the realization that he was being slightly hypocritical, yeosang sighed, a hand drifting up and fingers rubbing at his temples.  “it's different with you.  you saved me, and i owe you.” he whispered, eyes closing as he tried to distract himself.  why exactly did he so willingly offer up his home to a stranger?

the answer came to him in the form of the butterflies that reeled in his stomach when seonghwa grabbed his hand with one of his own, pulling it away from his face at the same time that his free hand reached out to cup yeosang’s chin and make him face the other.  “then let them stay with us, and we'll be even.  tomorrow, when they leave, it'll just be us again and we'll be fine.” seonghwa tried to soothe him, rubbing his thumb over yeosang’s cheek, who leaned into the touch.  

it took a second for yeosang to relent, nodding into seonghwa’s palm.  he heard the other laugh, and allowed himself to be pulled closer into a tight embrace before they headed back to the other two, acting as though nothing had happened.  the two boys watched them nervously, the silver haired boy fiddling with his fiance's fingers to distract himself.  

“if you get a cart and help us stock up, you can come home with us.” yeosang relayed to them quickly, and the two rushed off to get a cart, only after introducing themselves.  the black haired boy was san, and the silver-haired boy was his fiance, wooyoung.  it turned out that they lived just a block or two away from yeosang, thankfully far enough that they didn’t worry about seeing the undead that flocked their building.  it wasn’t until nearly an hour later that they found themselves standing in front of yeosang’s apartment building.  they had to abandon their carts several times during the walk home, hiding in doorways and behind pillars until the threat had passed, somehow managing to make it back in one piece.  yeosang was the first to go up, taking the elevator to his floor and checking to make sure that it was clear before riding back down and guiding the rest up to his apartment.  soon enough, they had managed to fit the three carts in the doorway, and were unpacking the supplies.  “we need to find some way to board up the windows, just in case.”  yeosang piped up from the kitchen, where he was stacking canned food in the cabinets.  even though they were on the third floor, there was still a possibility of something - or someone - getting in through the window.  

“and we should figure out how to rig up the hallway so nothing else can get down here.”  san replied from the small dining room, where he was pushing the carts together near the window and going to join yeosang in the kitchen.  wooyoung and seonghwa were quietly conversing as they unpacked the other supplies that seonghwa and yeosang had collected, as well as some little things that they managed to save from their apartment.  soon enough, the four of them were gathered in the living room, where they quickly whipped up a list of things that they still needed, which included, but wasn’t limited to: sleeping bags, maybe air mattresses if they were lucky, along with other things like more matches and candles, batteries, a radio, and a few other things.  they made themselves comfortable, yeosang pulling a blanket down from his closet for san and wooyoung, who had taken refuge on the couch.  seonghwa had already said that he would be sleeping on the floor next to yeosang’s bed, “for safety reasons”.  yeosang had rolled his eyes, a bright flush painting his cheeks as he pushed seonghwa away.  moonlight still flooded in through the windows, signaling to them that sunrise was still a few hours away, and they had time to catch a little bit of shut-eye before it was time to figure out a plan.    

yeosang woke sometime a little bit later with a racing heart and a scream hovering in the back of his throat, one that he barely managed to hold back.  it seemed that either he had already made noise in his sleep, or seonghwa was just that light of a sleeper, considering that the other sat up quickly and glanced around, eyes falling on yeosang’s shiver ridden form.  with a small noise, he crawled into bed next to yeosang, pulled the boy to his chest and soothing the boy with gentle strokes of his hands over his hair and back.  seonghwa smiled as the boy melted into his chest, and found himself falling asleep again with yeosang’s fingers wrapped in his shirt.  

san and wooyoung slept peacefully in the living room, wooyoung pressed into the back of the sofa.  it was a good arrangement, considering that wooyoung got cold easily in the night, and san too hot.  

silence once again draped over the apartment like a blanket as the people inside finally all fell into a deep sleep, to ease the tired they felt in their bones.  

they were woken just a few hours later at the sound of frantic pounding on the door and screams for help.  

[edwxrdkenway]

Anime Recommendations part 2

guess who’s back for more anime recommendations. some asked for more so here I am. part 1 can be found here btw if you’re new

Note that I only listed underrated or forgotten animes that I watched and enjoyed every minute of it and you may be too

91 Days

Lets start with some heavy stuff y'all

91 Days is set during the Prohibition era and tells the story of the protagonist Angelo.

As a child Angelo has witnessed the death of his family who all have been slaughtered by a mafia family. Losing everything he holds dear, he leaves both his name and hometown behind, adopting the new identity of Avilio Bruno. Years later he finally has his chance for revenge when he receives a mysterious letter prompting him to return to his home town and to kill all who are at fault for the tragedy of his family.

(idk I thought that this one is famous but turned out that only a few watched it?? that one is so good idk ??)

Zankyou no Terror/Terror in Resonance

(Idk why people thing this is underrated?? That one watched almost everyone when it aired??)

This one is also a heavy anime so be prepared. (I’m not joking be prepared)

Tokyo has been hit by a terrorist attack that has devastated the city and The only evidence of the culprits is a cryptic video uploaded to the Internet. Unbeknownst to the authorities is that the terrorist masterminds are two teenaged boys: Nine and Twelve who should not even exist. Their plan: to "wake up the world" with their heinous plans of destruction, with their fingers on the trigger.

btw im not pluffing their names are nine, twelve and one is even called five

Death Parade

Imagine that after death, there is no heaven or hell, only a bar. 

Yeah you read right a bar. A bar that stands between reincarnation and oblivion. There, Decim will challenge the deceased to a random game in which his/her/they fate of either ascending into reincarnation or falling into the void will be wagered. Whether it's bowling, darts, air hockey you name it, each person's true nature will be revealed in a ghastly parade of death and memories, dancing to the whims of the bar's master. Welcome to Quindecim my friend.

(BTW do not be fooled by the opening if you decided to watch this, I warned you)

Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun/My Little Monster

Ok here some light stuff ^^ Tnkk is a shoujo and one of my fav shoujo tbh.

Shizuku Mizutani, (who kinda looks like Maka from Soul Eater somehow) is only caring about her grades but her cold view of life begins to change when she meets Haru Yoshida, a troublemaker. Sounds like those typical story lines but behold. He’s not much different from her. He also understands little about human nature and does not have any friends. Much to her surprise, he proclaims that she will be his friend and immediately confesses his feelings towards her upon meeting her. 

This one is very funny and not that cliché shoujo you would expect and I binge watched it in a day and would recommend 11/10 bc Haru is a precious cinnamon roll who should be protected at all costs

I mean just look at him-

Psycho Pass

Another heavy one (I think I have another type lol). 

This anime is set in the 22nd century where the Sibyl System, a very powerful network of psychometric scanners, actively measures the minds and mentalities of civilised populations. With other words if you are a bad person you do not go to jail, nah you will be eliminated.

Into this world steps our main heroine Akane Tsunemori. However, as she works alongside bae I mean Shinya Kougami, she soon learns that the Sibyl System's judgments are not as perfect as her fellow Inspectors assume. 

This got 2 seasons and a movie and let me tell you you better watch this because this one will get you hooked !!

Tokyo Ravens

Romance? Check. Magic? Check. Mystery? Check.  Very underrated? Double Check.

Onmyodou magic was once a powerful technique which was used by the Japanese during World War II. Later, infamous onmyoji Yakou Tsuchimikado performed a ritual, which goes horribly wrong and the result of this becomes what is now known as the "Great Spiritual Disaster", an incident which haunts the entire Japanese continent to date. 

Our boy Harutora, who is a member of the Tsuchimikado's branch family once promise Natsume, the heir of the Tsuchimikado's main family and Yakou’s reincarnation, to protect her as her familiar. However, turned out Harutora has no talent for magic and chooses to live a normal life instead. But when a prominent member of the Onmyou Agency attempts to recreate the same experiment which led to Japan's downfall, he decides to make good on his word and fight by Natsume's side.

Your lie in April/Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso

Here I introduce you to a masterpiece that will ruin you. Like literally ruin you. I'm not even exaggerating, I told my best friend to watch this and she did not talk to me for 2 days.

Our boy Kousei Arima was strictly taught how to play the piano and meticulously follow the score by his mother, to the point where he dominated every competition he entered with ease and he became one of the best piano players. However, after his mother suddenly dies everything went downhill and had to quit the music industry. 

Two years later, Kousei lives a monotonous life with his childhood friends supporting him. But he still  continues to cling to music, although performing is still an impossibility for him. This is until his unexpected encounter with our girl Kaori Miyazono, a violinist who performs freely without the dictations of a score. A story of friendship, love, music, and a single lie, Kousei's life begins to change and gain color as Kaori helps him to take up music again.

(note: if you decide to watch this pls do not hate me)

Boku dake ga Inai Machi/Erased

Another dark one nice. Our protagonist Satoru Fujinuma has a special gift. He finds himself sent back several minutes before an accident occurs. He has taken advantage of this mysterious phenomenon to save many lives. 

However, when he is wrongfully accused of murdering someone close to him, he is sent back to the past once again but 18 years in the past. Soon, he realizes that the murder may be connected to the abduction and killing of one of his classmates Kayo Hinazuki, that took place when he was a child and he tries to prevent the death of his classmate while protecting those he cares about in the present.

Idk why I decided to watch this but let me tell ya my poor heart was not ready while watching this. I recommend this 11/10.

Kyoukai no Kanata/Beyond the Boundary

ok so pls drop everything what your doing and go watch this if you didn’t. pls do yourself a favor.

KNK is about Mirai who is the sole survivor of a clan of Spirit World warriors with the power to employ their blood as weapons. Yeah you read right blood is their weapon. As such, Mirai is tasked with hunting down and killing creatures called youmu, who are basically manifestations of negative human emotions. One day,  Mirai comes across Akihito Kanbara, a rare half-breed of youmu in human form. In a panicked state, she plunges her blood saber into him only to realize that he's an immortal being. From then on, the two form an impromptu friendship that revolves around Mirai constantly trying to kill Akihito, in an effort to boost her own wavering confidence as a Spirit World warrior. 

I’m not biased I swear but this anime is so aesthetically pleasing im livin-

Ok so thats it. Like last time I did not include popular anime series that like 99% of us watch/ed like boku no hero academia/my hero academia, tokyo ghoul, gintama, satsuriko no tenshi/angels of death, cells at work, black clover etc.

[ragnarssons]

You watch a show where a literal 12-year-old is raped by a much, much older man (Daenyries is 13 in the book, but you get the idea) and it's romanticised as a healthy relationship, but you're gonna object to a 12-year-old (Madi) shooting/killing someone? Grow up, it's badass. I'm guessing you had a fairly easy childhood based off of the both of those facts.

LMFAO. Okay, again a very brave “anon” sending assumptions about people they know nothing about. Yeah you can talk about bravery or badassery.First, it’s Daenerys* like, it’s not that hard to spell.Anyway. I watch GoT and I watch The 100, so idk why you’re arguing about “you watch that one sooo!” because I watch both. But just because I watch these show, doesn’t mean I condone every storyline happening on said shows. Guess what *shrugs* I also watched Shireen getting burnt alive by her own father! Again, doesn’t mean I like the storyline, just because I watch the show. The differences are:- GoT happens in a medieval settings, and I know people don’t like this argument, but there are some realistic elements to these storylines were very young girls are treated as women - expected to grow up fast - and are mistreated - raped and all. I knew what I was going into when I started watching GoT. - all these storylines are presented as BAD: Shireen is Stannis’ ultimate crime, Daenerys is on the verge of suicide because of Khal Drogo, and just because she’s learnt to adapt to survive, doesn’t mean it makes all the aspects of the relationship good or acceptable, nor does it wash over the fact that she was raped on their wedding night (on the show at least). - Emilia Clarke, despite playing a 15 yo on the show, was much older and tbh it helps making it easier to stomach. Lola is like 15 years old. The thing is, on The 100, it’s EXPECTED of the audience to cheer on that kid killing people. It’d be like GoT expecting us to cheer on Shireen getting murdered or Daenerys getting raped: it doesn’t! Seeing a child’s innocence getting butchered by life isn’t something I want to cheer to: whether it’s because that child is forced to become a killer, or is raped, or whatever else. I don’t need to “grow up” to find that badass: actually, anon, YOU should grow up and learn to cherrish the times of innocence in your life. I bet you’re some kind of “edgy teenager” thinking you know everything about life because you think a 12 yo holding a gun and shooting adults to survive is “badass”. Again, you’re bringing GoT into this: WEIRD, I had actually argued against GoT doing the same thing! As I said, I also don’t like Arya’s s4 storyline, BECAUSE the show is like “look at how badass she iiiis!!! Slowly killing a maaaan, BADASS!!!!” when NO I don’t think it is. On the show’s canon, at that point, Arya is like… 12 years old? Again, watching a 12 yo coldly murdering people and having no regard for human life is a NO to me. And guess what anon? You don’t get to tell people to “grow up” over anything they feel. You don’t get to make assumptions about people you know nothing about, just over tv shows and because you want to defend some shit writing that wants you to blindly be like “BLUUUUUUGH BADAAAAAAAS!!!” over kids killing people. Thing is, we literally have The 100 itself portraying the “duty” of killing other people, as a horrible thing happening to children: Lxa being forced into the “love is weakness” mentality and Luna having to FLEE her conclave in order to stay sane. So the show trying to make it all “badass” now because it’s Madi, NO THANK YOU. Madi was still forced into that position while there were 100 other possibilities of avoiding war WITHOUT putting a child on the front line, and forcing a piece of metal brainwashing her, into her skull! There are ACTUAL ADULTS who SHOULD take the responsability of leadership and not put it on children’s shoulders. That’s something that has made me progressively hate all the adult characters on this show: fuck Kane, Abby and Jaha, all cowards, letting kids to the dirty work for them. And fuck the Grounders for building their “culture” on the massacre of children and the idea of childhood. We know there are other options, from Madi’s family itself! Madi’s parents who hid her and protected her against this stupid culture! All for what? For the show to be like “?? what? It’s BADASS!” Uh, no.The show wanting us to be like “wow how crazy Clarke is for wanting to protect her child from a duty that got her ex-girlfriend MURDERED and that could ruin her entire childhood- not to mention, put her life in danger??” is just stupid. I’ll NEVER be okay with a bunch of adults, dropping responsability on a 12 years old, rather than DOING THINGS themselves. Like, actually being adults, and doing the hard choices themselves- something Clarke did last season- for her child’s sake, and if anything, I can at least admire her for that. The best stories are the ones where human emotions aren’t thrown into a void of inhumanity for the sake of “badass storytelling”. To me, THE BEST tv show and hero, by far, are ATLA and Aang. So many people call him selfish for wanting to hold on to “his values” while there’s a war. But it’s actually the bravest thing to do. Not being eaten and destroyed by war or conflict or people trying to destroy you. Aang’s journey (and I’d say, probably the Elric’s brothers journey, from FMAB) is top-notch because they show you how it’s possible to do good, badass, world-changing things WITHOUT getting corrupted by the world, or war. Everything hard in life shapes you, but it doesn’t have to destroy you or change you. It’s also what is so strong about Harry Potter, and what makes The Hunger Games so tragic. I can’t believe we live in a world today, where people would rather see children butchering other human beings, rather than children learning the value of life, or the value of everything that is good about their childhood. I can’t believe we live in a world where people can watch Aang’s journey and call it boring, or call him selfish, for wanting to remain what he feels like is himself with values that make him a human being, able to live with himself, despite war and everything horrible that’s happened to him. I can’t believe we live in a world so disensitized to violence and destruction (whether it’s in fiction or irl), to the point of being okay when it reaches children. I can’t believe we live in a world where fiction puts guns/swords in kids’ hands, has them murdering people, and viewers/readers are just like “!!!! this badass 9 years old butchering people!!!” (in Arya’s case) or “!!!!!! badass 12 years old madi who was once thinking about berries for her hair but loves to kill people now!!! bad-ass!!!!”. You’re allowed to be critical of the works of fiction you consume, you know that, right? You’re allowed to think “hey… that’s not right!” when an author or a director portrays something on screen, you know that, right? I know actual REAL nine years old. Would I ever want them to become like Arya, like Carl? I know 12 years old, would I ever want them to see become like Madi? NO. And even if it’s “just fiction” portraying these children doing these things, I’ll still say it’s WRONG to do so. I mean, yeah it’s easier to just want some badass fighting sequences, it’s easier to want to go the easy way where it’s bing bang boom!, everyone dies and there are badass explosions! It’s not what I want/like when I consume fiction. It’s not the characters I want to cheer for when I watch something. And guess what, shit-anon? I know that precisely because I had a tough childhood. A childhood where I wasn’t allowed to be a child because I had to “grow up” - as you say it so nicely - faster than any other of my friends because I had to deal with stuff. But HEYYY you know everything, right, anon?? Because you are out there, shaming people for not cheering for a child taking people’s lives on a tv show. Good for you, you’ve managed to make me waste like 10 minutes of my time answering to you, now go back crawling to your “anonymous” corner and go harrass someone else- or maybe, idk, if you think children being enrolled in wars is “badass”, go in some foreign countries and go cheer for these kids who are constantly thrown in the middle of conflicts they have nothing to do with? I mean? It’s “badass”, right, childhood being butchered by war and death? Yeh. So badass.

[thequietoftheroom]

Hi. Is this thing on? Lauren Graham said in her new book that we should write more so this is my attempt at that. Oh by the way, I started reading again. I write these for myself so why don’t I just use “we”, but that will probably be weird reading it back. I’ve read Feminasty: The Complicated Woman’s Guide To Surviving The Patriarchy Without Drinking Herself To Death, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice On Love And Life From Dear Sugar, and now I’m almost done with Talking As Fast As I Can: From Gilmore Girls To Gilmore Girls. I’ve gone through several lists to pick out the books I plan on reading in the next few months, at least if I can afford them, but I like to think the books I ultimately bought found me and not the other way around. I have been read cover to cover, my soul pierced, and my mind opened. Of course fiction books have a similar effect but I never thought I would be interested in what people had to say about this grand thing called life and I learned that I cared a whole lot, not because I wanted to model myself after them but because I care about people and reading their explanations on life is like suddenly remembering they’re my best friends and they’re just catching me up on little secrets that come packed with nuggets of wisdom. 

I got myself into several situations I never planned on getting myself into even though the red flags were there and even though the people very openly said “Hey, this is exactly who I am”, but you know how your mind works when you have anxiety and depression. You start to convince yourself the puzzle pieces you find yourself assembling are actually part of the picture even though they don’t fit because deep down you’re trying to finish the puzzle of your life and no one is giving you quite the right pieces. In other words, and to quote my friend Allie, I drank a nice glass of “dumb bitch” juice. Which lead me to want to consider joining a dating site sooner than I planned. I know these things take time but it’s been 3 days and I’ve sent 40 likes (I think that’s how okcupid works idk) and practically got 0 back. Here’s why that sucks. On okcupid they focus strongly on your personality and beliefs. So someone not only saw my face and said “yeesh no thanks” they took the time to get to know the information about myself I put on there and were still like “yikes I don’t think so”. So all in all this was an experiment in derailing my self esteem and increasing my depression. What crazy color will I dye my hair to suddenly avoid dealing with my problems? Or maybe I’ll give myself another buzzcut. Stay tuned!

On a serious note, a lot of the stories I’m reading made me SO relieved that at 27 I’m still very much single and have only had 1 relationship which wasn’t that great (it was both of our faults). There were so many stories and anecdotes about young love being messy and about true commitment coming in your 40′s. Honestly, idk if I can wait that long. If NASA and the CIA and the FBI were like “you have been randomly selected to test mating with androids” I’d be like “yes please but can I choose their face”. I mean realistically I’m in the worst position to be in a relationship. For one, I don’t have much money saved because I’m sadly addicted to ordering things online, most of which are either useful to me or to my job (and no I don’t get reimbursed but I think the prospect of waiting for something in the mail to kill time is momentarily greater than the prospect of having more money later). I still live at home. Obviously, that’s a hella yikes and tbf I’m reading to get the fuck out of here but {see A: i have no money} and I have no one to move in with. I keep doing extensive research but I learned that in 2018 everywhere is problematic. So as much as my love for NYC is slowly fading I also realize this is it for me! I’m a city gal who needs to be surrounded by diversity. I can’t do suburbs and I can’t do living near more than 50% white people. I’ll die. I know that’s discriminatory but we are in the dawn of BBQ Beckys so can you blame me when the majority of white people keep voting against my existence. So I’m stuck. Every once in a while I look up “most LGBT friendly places to live” or “least racist places to live” and hope there’s a magical place with both but there isn’t (especially since, hello, twinks are hella racist). But I’ve literally cuddled my body pillow to death: it broke apart and I need a new one. And I learned I can’t fall asleep unless I’m cuddling it because I’m that lonely.

Everything in life is so complicated. I hate not being out at work but at the same time everyone there is ignorant so I wouldn’t be any more comfortable having them walking on eggshells around me. I love the individuals though and sometimes I feel very motherly or big brotherly towards them and they make me REALLY love work. But I want to be me. And I want to get rid of my legal name. Every time someone calls me John I die inside. Sometimes I don’t even respond because I have to be like “oh shit that’s me”. Can I change my name now? Probably, just have to have the money and redo all my paperwork at work? Will i? No because then either a) the individuals will have to learn my new name and their lives are confusing as fuck as it is or b) i keep my current legal name as a nickname but then it will get confusing for paperwork. I don’t like inconveniencing people that much even for something super important to me. I’ll just die inside until I save enough money, do my last few undergrad psyche classes, and then get into grad school. So like in 5 years, knowing me.

I’ve developed some little crushes here and there but most of the time it’s people that live out of reach or are straight or bottoms or any combination of them or I can just tell they will never like me in that way. So honestly, why bother. I miss the days when I didn’t care about this and the only thing plaguing my mind was what show I should marathon while building in minecraft.

Speaking of games, I play a lot with my friend Sal. He’s like my best friend which is weird because he was my boss once on a minecraft server but now I can’t ever think of him that way? He’s more like an older brother now, even though he’s younger than me. We talk a lot and also enjoy a lot of silence, and introduce each other to different games and shows. But mostly games. We’re both obsessed with 7 Days To Die and I check constantly for news about the update (no set dates for Alpha 17 AHHHH). To fill that void we started playing Fortnite, which I know a lot of people make fun of but it’s actually fun. Here’s a fun fact about me: I can’t take serious games serious so if there’s no building element, or fun element, or explosives I can blow things up with, I won’t do it. I have 0 competitive bones in this body. I like to have fun. That’s why Fortnite is perfect because it is a competitive FPS type game but it’s also a parody of that genre and it’s so whimsical. Save The Day is a lot like 7 Days To Die so that’s been fun. Listen, when you play a game with someone and you beat it, especially a survival game, it’s such a relief and you learn so much and it’s like you went on a literal adventure with that person. Did Sal and I actually get stranded on an island full of mutants and cannibals? No but that’s what it actually felt like after finishing The Forest because it was that real for us. My love for Pocket Camp is fading because it’s the same stuff, new textures. I mean the prospect of having a cute camp is fun sometimes (fun enough for me to spend way too much money on it. HELP!) but now it’s like “oh they just stand there and I don’t really do anything”. ALTHOUGH they are saying that now they are adding a LOT more gameplay to the point that you need at least 1gb of space of the game so I’m excited. I’m still obsessed with minecraft so there’s nothing new there.

Here’s something weird. I spent much of my time, when I identified as gay, being annoyed at gay stereotypes and mostly twinks being like “if you don’t do x,y,z you might as well be straight”, so much so that now that I came out as queer those things still bother me and I have to be like “it’s okay that’s not you anymore you literally figured this out which is why you’re this person”. That’s how I should introduce myself tbh “Hi I’m the Q in LGBTQ”. I don’t care about fitting in but because of my lack of in person friends sometimes I worry that maybe I should care, just a little. I’m so tempted to try Tinder just for that but then I think of all the people who have Tinder that live in this building and I’m like God that is a huge mistake. I need a huge life change. I need someone to come in and shake up my life but no one has volunteered. I’m kind of regretting thinking of all those stupid romantic things like “Oh I want my future boyfriend to teach my how to ride a bike :)” “I want my future boyfriend to take me traveling” “I want my future boyfriend to serenade me”. I’ll just become a full on Capricorn and teach myself everything, travel the world alone, and serenade my goddamn self.

Speaking of which again, can my depression like.. not? I was so into learning and practicing chords daily and I just stopped? Like my motivation was like “It’s been a nice 1 week. back to not caring about anything again” I mean I started to try to learn Burn and Satisfied from Hamilton (well, “learn”) so I at least have interest and I still listen to classical music and jazz to light that fire under my ass but still. I’m just going to do what I always do and restart from lesson 1 and hope I make it to 3 although my extensive research of chords has already put me at an advantage for lesson 3, which is chords. Of course I would go and try to learn something in an unstructured manner because I have a problem with routine and authority even when that authority is me.

I should write me. Which reminds me I was going to write about this one dream I had on my regular blog. See ya!

[dragonsplz]

tw/cw again i think?

maybe this thing will hide it a little bit? i dunno, if someone actually does stumble upon this shit let me know if i can make it so you have to actively click something to be able to see the content like idk discord spoilers? anyways a couple days i took a bar and a half of xanax plus 2x my regular dose (i have only abused my xanax once in the past because generally i was just pretty worried about running out and not having any any when i needed them but the xans pretty much stopped working so my psychiatrist put me on klonopin but ironically i’ve been too anxious to go to the walgreens to get them) anyways yeah massive amount of xanax for little me and according to my housemates i lost like three days of time and did some wack ass shit and i remember none of it but anyways i have finally returned to a state of consciousness slightly above the level of my snails’ and I Feel Good But In A Bad Way. i feel very,,,,, out of control and part of me is like you have So Much Access you really could just drop a bar every now and again and it’s like I'm craving it like i Understand vaguely what it’s probably like to have an addiction and i know if i am not careful i will have one but i don’t really care about the state of my body anymore i don’t think. at least not for now. i stopped cutting awhile ago because i moved and now there’s not really anywhere i’d be able to without somebody noticing but i also gave myself a concussion and i don’t even think i thought about doing it before i did it but anyways i don’t know if what i’m craving is some high i can’t remember or if it’s the not remembering things. i don’t like really have any concept of time so i can’t tell how long it’s been but i think i’ve generally been stoned at least once a day. sometimes i feel bad and swear it off but then like two hours later I'm on the back porch with a preroll. i think maybe thats addiction, too, but weed won’t kill me so i don’t really think about that much. anyways today after i regained consciousness (i was on the kitchen floor and was like in and out of it for two or three hours) i spent several hours just wandering back and forth from the big recliner in the living room and the kitchen because my housemates said they hadn’t been able  to get me to eat for the past couple days but everything just kinda sounded disgusting. i think i managed to get down a slice and a half of three-day-old pizza. honestly i feel really bad because my grandmother sent me home after thanksgiving (dw, cover tests before and quarantine after) with the homemade rolls i really love and i think i’ve eaten maybe one and I'm honestly scared to look at them because they’ve probably gone bad by now and i just wasted food my siblings could have been eating. i didn’t even realize how much i still thought like that until i moved out. like obviously even being away i feel like that. and i think i’ve been hallucinating/having delusions but I'm scared if i tell my psychiatrist she’ll call my grandmother and tell her (and i think she already called her when i told her i was having suicidal ideations again) and/or call the authorities and have me hospitalized. so like thats scary and all and i can’t tell if maybe i’ve developed Something New or if it’s just some new fresh hell of a mixture of my depression/anxiety/ptsd and of course i want it to stop but man i am so afraid of going back into the hospital I'm already kind of a disordered eater and last time i was in the hospital i lost 10 lbs in 9 days and I Took Note Of That. also they wouldn’t let me have my binder but the girls are allowed to have bras and they misgendered me and deadnamed me but they let me have a room alone but i can’t remember if the rumor about depression during the holidays is true and i really don’t think i can afford to be roomed in a girls’ room with another actual girl-identifying person like i really think that dysphoria would kill me like i really think i would pull a kyler and man i miss kyler so bad man i was never allowed to grieve his death like my grandmother really forced me to go back to school the weekend after i found out he killed him. idk sometimes i think his suicide affected me worse than royce’s and royce lived in my dorm. i had classes with royce. but maybe it’s because i can’t really remember much from freshman year anyways. also damn this is long and i think i maybe had a point when i started writing this but it is long gone by now. i keep getting distracted by everything but when i started writing that chapbook like nothing disturbed me i got up once to make Another cup of coffee but otherwise i just sat in that recliner typing. i wrote 25 entire pages between the time that i ate the pizza and idk sometime before now but there were really no milestones between eating the pizza and now and i actually really have no concept of time so i don’t actually know how long that was but it felt like no time and forever all at once and i feel like that a lot but it might just be the weed. i think i used to use weed as a coping mechanism but now i feel that there’s no point. i said to my housemates today that i feel like if albert camus had a character that was an existential father of three with a really dark sense of humor and i feel like a good dad as this character but also i really can’t stand children like a friend of a friend asked me to babysit for her and it’s not like i didn’t have empathy like i did an interview with her at the beginning of covid when she was pregnant and i thought my senior thesis was going to be on covid and i was so excited doing the interviews like man do i have anthropology brain but never transcribed them so it’s a good thing i withdrew from the semester because my peers have all recently had their thesis deadlines and i definitely would not have met them. oh but anyways I'm sorry everything is distracting me but also what am i say I'm really just throwing this into the void of the universe via the internet so nobody is actually trying to follow this anyways it wasn’t like i didn’t have empathy for her but i knew she had other options and her child upset and disgusted and drained me of all of my energy so i said no but i don't think that makes me a horrible person. oh but anyways a tangent on a tangent i guess because i think i started this tangent intending to end the other tangent where i say i think it’s just muscle memory now and not a coping mechanism but my housemates still thinks it helps so sometimes they’ll bring me one of my prerolls which is nice and all but i can't help but think how lost they would be if i was having a really hard time and they tried to give me my vape or something but i told them i was quitting? like dw it’s not like toxic the way this is happening i promise but i don’t actually know how to phrase it in a way that doesn’t sound Like That. anyways i hope nobody finds this but if somebody does please know that while i am vaguely concerned, i am safe. at least for now.