#dear future family i am most sincerely not sorry in advance

[poetess-trobadour]

I have seen boys that played men

And I've seen women who played along

Just to be with such boys,

And vice versa.

I think about how that's funny

In a truly heartbreaking way.

It made me make myself a promise,

A red cotton thread around my left wrist,

Where it's closer to my heart.

My promise, it says:

If I ever carry a girl into this world,

I hope I can teach her many lessons,

But above all others,

I hope I can teach her a lesson or respect.

I will teach her to respect herself enough

To never settle for a puddle

When her heart is loud and anxious with oceans.

And I will teach her to respect others

Enough to be genuine.

And if I ever carry a baby boy,

I hope I can give him plenty,

But above many things,

I hope I can give him reasons.

I will give him reasons solid enough

To withstand any storm

When his mind is shaken with quakes to the core.

And I will teach him to reason with others,

To be reliable enough.

And, as oceans and earthquakes are boundless,

I will teach him a lesson of respect;

I will give her reasons, as well.

And if they happen to live as brother and sister,

I hope that more than from me,

They will learn from each other.

Then, they will be a true power to be reckoned with —

Intertwined in their shared wisdoms,

Bearing their mother's oceans and mountains,

And their father's prairies and thunders —

Perhaps — I'm not sure yet,

Of whom or what my future holds,

Of where winds blow or which fires catch;

But while that part of it is yet mine to uncover,

I have certainty about them —

Unsinkable, unshakable —

As I know that, naturally,

They will be greater than I ever can.

Future, August 2018

[kokiri-at-the-pack]

1020

October 20

I do not recall how I managed to return home. Steven’s last words never stopped ringing in my ears up to the point I reached the front door of my aunt’s house.

My worst fear just came true. Steven’s memories about me were gone. He could not remember the entire days from the point I met him up to my last meeting with him. It was like...how should I say...a large part of the film in his brain was clearly cut off.

And this was all because I drew a random guy whom I wished to be friends with.

I couldn’t dare to see Mr. Francis, who was hospitalized in the same building. He would display a similar behavior, which he did not deserve to get. I was certain he would no longer have any idea about the contract he made with the company but figure out why he was suddenly lying on the hospital bed instead.

Have I been too selfish? Should I have stopped the moment I wanted someone to stay by my side? Or the moment I wanted Steven, Mr. Francis and many more to be happy?

Could there have been another way? No...That could have been more difficult to achieve.

Because reality is harsh...for people like us.

If only...if only...those drawings were kept in a safer place...none of this would have happened…

I shook my head to get rid of a flood of negative thoughts pouring into my mind. I turned the knob and opened the door, pretending that nothing serious happened to me.

However, two people I did not expect to see at my aunt’s house so soon were standing in the living room: my parents. They turned to me with cold eyes, speaking with low tones that I should sit down for a while to have a bit of a talk. I did as they said quietly, but I was not able to control my anxiety. Their low voices have meant that there was trouble in our family, and it has always been a really, really serious matter.

I asked them what was wrong.

Mother made quick steps towards me and pulled out an envelope from her bag. I received it afterwards and opened it carefully, wondering what their intentions were.

...Sheets of paper. My drawings. All wet and crumpled from the storm.

I almost dropped them as soon as I saw their contents. Wait, if they were inside Mother’s bag, that means…

“Dear, please explain to us,” Father finally opened his mouth, “what are they for?”

October 23

Mother and Father explained to me how they found my drawings briefly. They were cleaning rooms in our house which turned into a mess after the great storm. When it was time to go to the storage room, they noticed a piece of paper was stuck out from one of the boxes in the corner. That is where they found all the work I have done for the past several days.

If it was another family with a different ability, they would not have raised any suspicion towards some random doodles. However, we are a family of Visualizers, whose drawings can come to life, no matter how long our effects last. It was one thing for them to draw strangers on numerous pages. When they compared them with recent news that were continuously featured in various media platforms, they were certain that our family ability was involved in them. There were too many links to be considered as a coincidence.

That is why I had to tell them the truth. Every single bit of it from its purpose to my true feelings. When I finished my explanation, my parents did not say anything, and relaxed their faces a little, but they still had discomfort in their emotions. In fact, they did not know how to respond to the result I made. Never have they seen the Visualizing ability work in such a wide, impactful field before, nor have they ever thought it was possible.

The silence continued until dinnertime. When I finished my supper, my parents beckoned me to come to the backyard. There, I saw that they gathered all the sheets of ruined drawings as well as notebooks with my previous doodles into one area, on top of logs exactly. Before I could ask what this was all about, Father questioned me if every one of them was old enough that my ability’s effect had worn off. I answered yes.

“Good,” he simply replied.

Then with no time for me to react, Father threw a lit match to the sheets in the blink of an eye. The fire instantly grew larger and devoured all the hard work and dedication I put in throughout months.

I barely remember what I screamed towards my parents. Maybe a curse...maybe a cry…

But despite my rage, my parents were unusually calm as steel. When I was about to get exhausted after the sudden explosion, Mother held my shoulders firmly and called my name several times to calm me down.

“You could have got yourself into trouble,” she said, “if we did not do this.”

I slowly looked up to see her sad, but determined face.

“We know it’s an awful thing, and we are so sorry...but we do not want to allow any more misfortune to come to our family,” added Father.

“But it’s not too late yet. Now that the evidence is destroyed, others won’t get suspicious of us. After all, our ability is not that obvious to be identified,” Mother replied.

I was utterly dumbfounded by their actions. A great amount of anxiety in their voices...Making a difficult choice of burning their daughter’s passion into ashes… How much worse can the consequence of my action grow?

“Dear...when does your winter break start?” Father asked all of a sudden.

“D-December…” I stuttered.

“That will be it. We can look for your new school in that period.”

“What?! Y-You want me to transfer to another place?”

“Our whole family has to start anew. Now, you must be aware of how crucial your mistake is.”

Mistake...What I did to make myself proud...make my ability proud...and make my family proud...They saw it as nothing but a mistake…

I understand their feelings… but why does my heart ache so much?

“This is the only choice we have. When you go there, do not mention any detail about your ability. Be vague in a way it is not understandable,”

I listened to my parents thoroughly, with each of their words pushing me deeper into despair.

“And remember,” Mother concluded, “live quietly.”

November 1

I have never noticed that weeks have already passed after I last noted my parents’ resolution for my ability’s severe effect. If ever someone is reading this entry, I sincerely apologize for the enormous skip in timeline.

The thing is...my family has been extremely busy since that fateful day. We have been looking for a new village to live in, together with the school my sister and I should transfer to. Of course, it was no easy task. We had to read every booklet and newspaper we could grab and visit that place before making a final decision. What’s more, from time to time, we had to pack up necessary stuff in advance and throw away any item which would be bothersome for transportation.

But the most critical reason was that due to a fear of leaving evidence related to the incident in my hometown, I was hesitant to write any more entries.

Until we have decided where to go at last.

My family agreed for one last time to pretend to be a family with no extraordinary ability. We are not worth any attention. While my parents attempt to look for any business they can start to earn a living, my sister and I will go to a small school with few students and graduate there. After all, it is a piece of cake to get a good score in such a quiet and unpopular school, so it also solves the problem of applying for a college in the future. It may look like my family was able to jump over a huge obstacle.

Except that my passion towards my ability remained intact.

Even though I knew it was my fault entirely for the tragedy to take place, I could never forget the significant change of emotions of the people I helped beforehand. How long have they possibly wanted those moments of recognition to happen? Can a person be certain that they will come to them one more time? No one knows exactly when one can fulfill his dream.

That’s right. Look at a brighter side. If my drawings can be ruined easily, that would also mean a method to preserve them can also be easy. As long as there is no single drop of water on a sheet, the effect will last forever, and that would be advantageous for me to support more unlucky people in need of help.

And as soon as we finish settling down in our new home, I can try to investigate how I can safely and efficiently activate my Visualization. Maybe I can start with how I can complete my work faster. I can also examine why the term for my family ability’s effect has been different depending on members and generations. I remember no one has figured it out, and I doubt my parents would do so since they already lost trust in our family ability.

I am going to be the one to fix the mistake...even if it means I would have to do it secretly.

I hope I succeed if my chance comes some day. Then my parents would understand me. My sister would trust me again. Our whole family would afterwards have happiness restored, just like the people who can be joyful with my illustrations.

So for now, I will focus on education and achievement of my goals. If time allows me to write again, I will record what I have seen, heard or kept in mind here.

…

To note down your experience is to remember what you felt at that very moment.

- K. D. Leighton -

[pureimagineering]

The Audio from the Jungle Cruise's Queue

I'm obsessed with it, but even after working there for a year, I wasn't able to catch everything that Albert AWOL says. So here's a complete transcript.

This post will be TL;DR for most. If you're a freak like me, it will be a delightful read. Either way, sorry!

"Here Comes My Ball and Chain," by the Coon-Sanders Nighthawks

This is Skipper Albert AWOL, the Voice of the Jungle, broadcasting on the DBC to all points unknown! If you’re within the sound of my voice, you are listening to AWOL Airwaves on the DBC.

And now, here’s today’s river tip from Skipper Bill of the Congo Connie. Bill says, “If it rains in the jungle, who cares? That’s why they call it a rainforest!” Thanks, Bill.

Any travelers who may need to exchange foreign currency during their voyage needn’t worry. There are banks all along our rivers.

In addition to beautiful Malaysia, Burma, Siam, and Cambodia, Lotus Tours offers two new destinations: Boston and French Lick, Indiana!

...that can’t be right...!

Uh, correction: that’s "Borneo" and "French Indochina." Bookings may be made at any travel office within a thousand miles of this jungle outpost.

Attention, Skippers! If you’re looking for some variety and need to log extra time at the wheel, another group of...uh...“volunteers” is being shanghaied for nighttime excursions down the Congo. These fascinating cruises through total darkness can be both exhilarating and unpredictable!

All Skippers should take note of the following changes along the Jungle Cruise rivers.

First, it is no longer considered sporty to hold small children over the edge of the boat while traveling through the hippo pool. Contrary to popular belief, this does not stop their ears from wiggling! (That’s the hippos of course, not the children.)

Second, due to the fact that a boatload of passengers onboard Zambesi Zelda entered a Cambodian ruin and failed to come out, any and all temple ruins are now off limits to your cruise!

And finally, passengers requesting extended tours should be referred directly to the Booking Office where they will receive immediate medical treatment.

"With Plenty of Money and You," by Dick Powell

All Skippers-in-Training are required to wear a leopard hatband, so travelers at dockside will know not to board your boats.

We know that communicating on the jungle rivers can be difficult at times, so we’re always glad to pass along warm personal greetings from one Skipper to another! Here’s one now from the Skipper of the Senegal Sal to the Skipper of Irrawaddy Irma: "If you can’t drive, stay off the river." Isn’t that nice?

Attention, Skippers: don’t forget to submit your entries for the “Maim the Croc…” Eh, correction, that’s “NAME the Crocodile” contest. The winner will receive a one-week, all-expenses-paid cruise for one on the jungle river of his choice!

"Jeepers, Creepers" by Louis Armstrong

For safety reasons, all passengers are asked not to feed any animals that may approach your vessel before, during, or after the Jungle Cruise, including the ravenous guides working at the Unload Dock. Thank you.

Friday night’s Jungle River Movie--Tarzan and Me--has been canceled due to the fact that those pesky gorillas have once again borrowed our projector. Any Skipper interested in retrieving the projector will receive a free day’s ration of Banana Bits: the dried fruit of choice among all Jungle Cruise Skippers!

Equatorial Expeditions presents: the Route of the Lost Queen! Two- and three-week journeys are available on a "first come, you must go" basis. Interested parties should contact I.L. Befair at the Office of the Interior.

Mating season has begun at the African elephant staging grounds. All boats are cautioned to use extreme care when traveling through this part of the jungle.

Attention, all Skippers! Tomorrow night’s bachelor party for Skipper Carl--originally scheduled for the African elephant staging grounds--will now be held at the Indian elephant pool. Proper swimwear is mandatory.

"Yes, Yes" by Ambrose with Sam Brown and the Carlyle Cousins

Instructions on how to dock a half-sunken boat will be given this Tuesday morning at Loading Dock Number One. Due to reasons that are more than obvious, these maneuvers will not be open to the public.

Skippers, we have yet to receive any entries for our “Name the Crocodile” contest. Besides a one-week, all-expenses-paid cruise for one on the jungle river of your choice, you will also now receive one slightly used pygmy war canoe! Enter today. Please.

Attention, Skippers: please urge your passengers to disembark on the starboard side of the boat. That’s the side closest to the dock...IF you pull in bow-first.

Attention, passengers: please urge your Skippers to pull into the dock bow-first.

Last week, the River Pilot’s License Test was given to thirty Jungle Cruise Skippers. Congratulations to all those who passed! The remaining twenty-nine pilots may take the test again next month.

May I have your attention, please? If anyone has located a large uncut diamond--weighing approximately sixteen carats--will you please return it to the Lost and Found area? (Pfft, right.)

"Song of India" by Paul Whiteman and His Orchestra

Roam the plains of Africa, India, Ceylon, and Persia with experienced expeditioners! See the rare and unusual from the perch of a pachyderm! Join the Elephant Safari Company as they search for lions, tigers, and bears! (Oh, my!)

Due to capacity limitations on the Jungle Cruise boats, parties of thirty-three should consider dividing their group into two groups of sixteen-and-a-half each.

Here’s today’s Jungle Trivia Questions! One, "What is the correct response when confronted by a crazed charging elephant?" and Two, "How many gorillas does it take to destroy a base camp?" Stay tuned!

Attention, all Skippers! Due to an increase in piranha activity along the rivers, you are now required to update the "Missing Persons" board at the end of each cruise.

Attention, all travelers! If your name is added to the "Missing Persons" list at the end of your cruise, please accept in advance our most sincere apologies! Thank you.

"It’s the Girl" by the Boswell Sisters

Jungle Skippers: don’t forget to keep extra oars handy on your ship! That way you won’t find yourself stranded up the river without a paddle!

For safety reasons, individuals are not allowed to take home pets which have been collected while on the Jungle Cruise.

And now today’s survival tip: when confronted by a charging rhino, head for the nearest tree and climb fast! Failure to follow these instructions may result in pointed confrontations.

Congratulations to our dockside crew, who won their first cricket match of the season. We understand it was an overwhelming victory!

(A what? A forfeit?)

And next week--when the opposing team shows up--I am sure they'll do just as well!

"Rhythm King" by the Coon-Sanders Nighthawks

Come drift into an era of kings and golden idols! Discover what you would have never missed if you had never seen it in the first place! It’s another amazing Amazonian river fantasy from the Jungle Navigation Company!

Listen up, Skippers! Your chance to enter the “Name the Crocodile” contest is just about over. Come on, fellas! Not only will you win a one-week, all-expenses-paid cruise for one on the jungle river of your choice, and one slightly used pygmy war canoe, but you’ll also now get--absolutely free--a full volume set of “Teach Yourself Swahili” just for entering!

Remember, “Wasio na hofu” is Swahili for “They who have no fear.” And “Matoi mbuzi katikka nyumba um teea katikka kebanda chakke” means “Take the goat out of the house and put it in its shed.”

All boat captains, please be advised that there have been several reports of aggressive butterflies along the inner banks of the Amazon River. Three guests have reported minor confrontations. To minimize the chance of future injuries, Butterfly Repellent is strongly recommended!

Attention, all passengers! Attention, all passengers! A rather large leopard has recently been seen in the vicinity! The animal can be identified by its razor-sharp teeth, long menacing claws, and a loud ferocious growl. If spotted, please contact the local authorities immediately.

The leopard snarls in the background.

Oh, dear. Uhh, never mind. We seem to have found him!

The leopard roars.

...nice pussycat...!

"Love is Good for Anything That Ails You" by Ida Sue McCune

And now, here are the answers to our Jungle Trivia Questions! The correct response to a crazed charging elephant is, “Auuugh! Auuuuugh!” and it takes an average of eight minutes for a family of gorillas to destroy a typical base camp.

Will the owner of a blue jeep, license number...uh, well, it doesn’t have a license plate. At least, not anymore! Will the owner please contact the office of the Minister of Transportation immediately? Your vehicle has...turned up at a nearby base camp.

This is Skipper Albert AWOL, the Voice of the Jungle, broadcasting on the DBC to all points unknown! If you’re within the sound of my voice, you are listening to AWOL Airwaves on the DBC.

"Harlem River Quiver" by Duke Ellington

The DBC is proud--and financially pleased--to welcome a new sponsor to the AWOL Airwaves! It’s Aero Casablanca! As an introductory offer, all Jungle Cruise personnel will receive discounted fares on Aero Casablanca’s Belgian Congo River tour. All flights must be booked at least two minutes in advance of takeoff and stays in the Congo region must be for a minimum of twenty-five years. Fly the skies of Aero Casablanca: the airline no one comes back on!

All travelers should be aware that herds of elephants have been seen bathing in several regions of the Mekong River. Since these animals have been known to spray water at passing boats, you are advised to wear the appropriate attire. Or bring an umbrella.

Recent reports of giant pythons have been greatly exaggerated! These reptiles cannot digest children weighing over sixty pounds in a single bite! The largest child they can consume at any one time would have to weigh less than forty-five pounds.

Attention! Will the Skipper of the Nile Nellie please move your vessel? You’re docked in a No-Floating Zone.

The previously announced "Name the Crocodile" contest has been suspended due to an acute shortage of entries. If anyone has any ideas about naming our pet croc, please drop them off at the Office Depot! Not to worry; you won’t have to accept any of the prizes.

Now available: one full volume set of “Teach Yourself Swahili!” Yours, just for the asking, at the Office Depot!

"What a Girl, What a Night" by the Coon-Sanders Nighthawks

Due to local monsoons, the demonstration on how to waterproof your vessel has been rained out.

Here’s a message from Sir Henry Morton Stanley to...I...I can’t quite make out this name. It’s “Dr. Livingston,” I presume? Please meet Sir Stanley at the falls.

This week’s Special Guest Skipper is Admiral Bartholomew Wrongway! Admiral Wrongway will be piloting several excursions into the deepest, most dangerous regions of the Congo! Since the Admiral is new to the area--and as such, quite unfamiliar with our waterways--it is recommended that you steer clear of his vessel.

In keeping with jungle tradition, all guests now waiting in line to board Jungle Cruise boats are urged to raise their hands high above their heads and imitate the sounds of their favorite jungle animals!

Will Colonel Williamso--

AWOL coughs.

Excuse me. Uh-hem. I seem to have something in my throat!

AWOL clears his throat until it culminates in a Tarzan yell.

Much better! Will Colonel Williamson please report to the Minister General’s office? Thank you.

"Diga Diga Doo" by Duke Ellington

Rivers of the Pharaohs: excursions to the land that time forgot...and so will you. Sign up today for the adventure of someone else’s lifetime.

We’d like to thank the headmaster at the Library of Lost American Melodies in Minous for supplying us with this fine assortment of music for our dockside entertainment.

The Docking Zone is for loading and unloading only.

The Loading Zone is for docking purposes only.

The Unloading Zone is for purposes unlike those of the Loading and Docking Zones.

Any passengers with experience in piloting a riverboat should give their name to the Skipper upon boarding. (Just in case.)

In the world of science, recent research has uncovered the fact that certain species of crocodiles are repelled by brightly colored clothing!

As a reminder: passengers traveling on the Nile should consider wearing brightly colored clothing during their cruise.

"Anything Goes Selections" by the Paul Whiteman Orchestra, Ramona Healy, and Hauser Laurence

Fishing from the sides of the Jungle Cruise boats is strictly prohibited. (Unless of course you happen to be fishing a relative out of the crocodile-infested waters of the Nile River.)

If your vessel needs repairs, please see our mechanic, located at the Boat Storage area. It is not proper to remove parts from other Skippers’ boats. Your cooperation will be greatly appreciated.

Doctor Hugo Squirtum’s popular pachyderm lecture series will continue on Saturday night at the Jungle Trading Post. This week's lecture, “Elephant Trunks: Part Drinking Straw, Part Water Pistol,” will focus on the many ways elephants use their flexible appendage for nourishment, skin care, and friendly contact!

"Let's Misbehave" by Irving Aaronson and His Commanders

Those individuals waiting in line for the Annual Platypus Sightseeing Expedition should check in with the Booking Office immediately! Someone made a rather nasty mistake on your vacation destination. Sorry!

Attention, children: please be advised that there are reports of wild adults roaming the area! Thank you.

Skippers: only animals--not guests--are permitted to graze while in the rainforest.

Will the Jungle Cruise Skipper in khaki fatigues please report to the boat storage area? I’m sorry, let me clarify that: the Jungle Cruise Skipper in khaki fatigues working on the dock wearing the neat-looking hat and black walking shoes, answering to “Hey, You!” please report to the boat storage area.

"Painting the Clouds with Sunshine" by the Jack Hylton Orchestra

Here’s a helpful hint for all would-be jungle explorers! When observing wildlife in this region, it is important to blend in with the natural surroundings. That means remaining still while trying to look as green as possible.

If anyone sees the Skipper of the Orinoco Ida, please tell him that his last group of passengers has just returned to the dock with his boat.

Will the individual who left a box of small furry things by the Purser’s Office please come to reclaim them? They seem to be quite hungry.

The winning entrée from this month’s cooking competition is bamboo stew with shredded vine stems. Skipper Doug--our floating gourmet--recently tried this unusual dish and told us, “It tastes like chicken!” He was quick to add however, “So does everything else we cook around here.” Thanks, Doug.

"The Mooche" by Duke Ellington

Attention, navigators! Revised maps of the jungle areas have been completed, and should arrive the day after tomorrow, if the courier can find his way here.

Will world famous paleontologist, Dr. Cornelius Bifocal, please return the dinosaur coloring book--and crayons--he borrowed from the Dispatch Office?

Due to a recent outpouring of rain in our area, the Nile River is extremely wet today. Please drive slowly!

Guests arriving at dockside for the Jungle Cruise must check their baggage with the dockmaster. This includes all wild animals and children under the age of five.

Passengers returning from the jungle are advised to hold their baggage claim tickets until all belongs have been secured. Guests not returning needn’t worry about it.

Attention, all Skippers: several well-known photojournalists will be boarding our boats today for photographic studies of the region. However, in order to minimize any disruption of our tours, they will be disguised as local tourists. If you should happen to spot one, please do not ask for autographs.

"The King's Horses and the King's Men" by the Jack Hylton Orchestra

Individuals taking excursions into the Congo should provide their own drinking water and rations, since snacks will not be served.

Since our weekly shipment of tea has been delayed, papaya juice will now be served at the four o'clock hour. As always, day-old crumpets will still be available!

All crew members should secure a spot in the bunkhouse as soon as possible! And remember, if you walk in your sleep, don’t forget to don your bathing cap before retiring this evening.

For sale: late model war canoe. Hand-carved wood interior, dual paddles, and naturally air-conditioned! Interested parties should respond through the grapevine.

[antialiasis]

Dear Evan Hansen

So I developed an interest in this musical during my semi-recent Groundhog Day obsession, when thanks to following everything posted about GhD on Tumblr, I ended up on the periphery of the general Broadway/Tony discourse. Everyone was talking about Dear Evan Hansen, either how good it was or how overrated it was, and I stumbled across some post suggesting it involved teens with issues and suicide, at which of course my ears perked up because I am me.

I listened to the soundtrack and read a basic plot summary on Wikipedia. The songs weren't amazingly up my personal musical alley for the most part, but still pretty good, and I was quite intrigued by the character work in them - the increasingly obvious wish-fulfillment of Evan's story in For Forever, culminating in the choked-up repetition of "He's coming to get me", suggesting without having to say directly that actually no one came to get him; the repeated "falling in a forest" motif never quite saying he let go but making it clear this moment was more meaningful than one would expect long before the plot summary indicated we'd find out he'd been suicidal; Zoe's subtle denial in Requiem; the tragic irony of Evan inspiring everyone with a speech about how you will be found when he knows better than anyone that sometimes you won't. This was good shit! I wanted to try to see it on the same trip as Groundhog Day, but the tickets were all well sold out, and ultimately I more or less gave up on the possibility. (I'd actually missed that there was a lottery for the show, but we tried it when we were in New York and didn't win.)

It just wouldn't quite leave me alone, though, so with no prospects for being able to see it legitimately at any point in the foreseeable future, I ended up giving up and watching a bootleg.

(Excessive overcritical rambling about characterization, subtlety, etc. under the cut! It is very critical, so by all means scroll on by if that’s not your jam.)

After all the mental buildup, I ended up sort of underwhelmed by the actual show, unfortunately. When I listened to the soundtrack I'd filled in blanks, imagining all the rich development that might be happening in between the songs - Evan slowly growing closer to Connor's dad before To Break In a Glove, say. But actually watching it, it felt like there was a lot less development than I'd imagined. There isn't really anything about Evan growing closer to Connor's dad other than the song itself, or a lot of development for Connor's dad at all outside of it. Zoe's conflicted feelings about Connor, legitimate fear and hatred coupled with a strange, paradoxical longing for him to really have had a better side to him that actually loved her, are fascinating, but aren't really explored outside of what I'd already heard in Requiem and If I Could Tell Her - Zoe's role ends up being mostly about being the target of Evan's dubiously ethical romantic interest, without really tackling the things about her that were actually interesting.

When I first listened to the soundtrack, I didn't actually pick up on Jared or Alana existing as characters. I'm not great at discerning voices on a first listen, so while for example Sincerely, Me was a bit confusing, I parsed it just as a dialogue between Evan and the imaginary Connor in his head, with "Connor" making the sardonic suggestions to ridicule Evan's pathetic efforts in between theatrically reading out what Evan was typing. They were in the plot summary, though, so I figured it out eventually, and the Tumblr fandom was full of posts about Jared and Alana - how complex they were, how much people related to them, everyone shipping Evan with Jared (of course). So I looked forward to seeing more of these characters that the soundtrack didn't really show off.

As it turned out, though, they weren't much in the way of characters, really. There are a couple of lines about Alana's anxiety and how she also feels like she's alone and doesn't matter - but they're ultimately throwaways. Alana is mostly just a plot point, as the person who's invested enough in the Connor Project to care but still detached enough to start to notice and question the discrepancies in Evan's story. Her dialogue is almost entirely either pure plot advancement or jokes; she may be secretly troubled and anxious, and eventually she spells out that she originally latched onto the Connor Project because of that, but the show just keeps kind of making fun of her - the most prominent characterization she gets is the running gag where she acts like she was so totally close to Connor while making it obvious she actually barely knew he existed - and she doesn't really get to act out the complexity the show wants to imply. We never see the Connor Project affecting her life, or get a real sense that it's giving her meaning that she was lacking before; it's told and not shown. That makes sense for a minor character who's mostly there to play a role in the plot, but the fandom had made me expect a lot more, and I really think she could have been done a lot more interestingly if they'd just spent less time making jokes about her.

And Jared... is desperately unlikeable. A lot of people on Tumblr were criticizing the play for not punishing Evan enough for his actions - but at the same time everyone was in love with Jared. This is baffling, because as far as I can see, it's pretty much Jared who ropes Evan into this in the first place. Evan originally tries to tell the Murphys that Connor didn't actually write the 'suicide note', but they dismiss him and Cynthia acts extremely upset, and Evan is too timid to try to be firm and argue with these grieving parents in order to explain to them that actually their dead son had no friends. After this he's panicking and anxious about having to clear up the misunderstanding, but it's Jared who convinces him he absolutely can't tell them the truth and has to just smile and nod and keep up the pretense. After this, Jared relentlessly mocks and bullies Evan as the lie spirals out of control, makes a silly attempt to insert himself into it, gets mad when Evan says they must stick to the established story where Jared necessarily wasn't involved, then gets hurt and complains when Evan stops hanging out with him once he's got something else to do and other people who like him. Obviously Evan is in no way an innocent party here - he does start to latch onto the fantasy of this imaginary friendship with Connor and this doting family that wants and likes him, and soon he's clearly keeping up the charade for himself and not to make Connor's family feel better. But none of this would have happened if it weren't for Jared convincing him he absolutely needed to keep up the lie, yet what Jared says when it's all gotten out of hand isn't "Look, I'm sorry, this is wrong, I was wrong, you should have told them the truth from the start", but "You should remember who your friends are." Maybe Evan would remember who his friends are if you'd ever been anything resembling an actual friend to him, Jared! I gather stage directions and cut songs and so on show that Jared actually has a very low self-esteem and is covering up his insecurities with sarcasm and bullying behaviour, which is great, but I wish any of that really got through in the actual play, because in the actual play Jared is just intensely unsympathetic. As it stands, his narrative function is to show how friendless Evan is (the best he's got is this guy, who freely tells him he only hangs out with him because he's literally being paid for it) and to be the person who's callous enough to think lying to a grieving family about being friends with their dead son to save face is okay, because Evan is actually better than that and wouldn't have done it otherwise. Like with Alana, I'm sure there's something interesting there, in theory, that the actor taps into while playing him. But within the actual show, the way he acts by and large isn't interestingly informed by his insecurity; he's just being a mean-spirited, bullying, opportunistic asshole. He has no real redeeming qualities and then just kind of vanishes abruptly from the story towards the end, before he gets the chance to even react to the lie being (partly) exposed (which could have been a nice opportunity to show him being a non-dick for once).

I was also sad to discover that in the actual play, things that were subtle and interesting on the soundtrack are just spelled out. Evan explains in so many words near the very beginning, before we even hear For Forever, that he broke his arm because he fell out of a tree and the funny thing is nobody came to get him so he was just lying on the ground alone for a while. That beautiful, emotional repetition in the song - And I see him coming to get me. He's coming to get me. And everything's okay. - isn't using Evan's emotion as he makes up a false wish-fulfillment narrative to implicitly tell you about something that really happened; it's just a straightforward lie contradicting something established explicitly earlier on. There's nothing wrong with that, but man, I thought it was something sublime. Even stuff like To Break In a Glove - on the soundtrack, Evan says, "Connor was really lucky to have a dad who... who cared so much, about... taking care of stuff," and it establishes nicely, implicitly, that Evan's own dad never cared and never played baseball with him, which Connor's dad clearly understands in the pause that follows even though he doesn't remark on it directly and just reiterates his instructions about the glove. But in the actual thing, they spell it out. A moment that wasn't a big crowning moment of subtlety or anything but still nicely understated, trusting the listener to get the implied meaning without stating it outright, isn't even that. That's a bit disappointing.

I wonder if in some previous iteration of the story it used to be subtler, but they later made it more explicit to make it easier to follow. That or, you know, I extrapolated subtlety simply from having incomplete information. One of the two. (If it's the latter, though, I'm amused at how coincidentally good that incomplete information is.)

I was also surprised by just how little we learn about the actual Connor, even after seeing Tumblr jokes about Mike Faist being nominated for a Tony for spending fifteen minutes onstage. I expected fifteen minutes meant we'd see just enough of Connor to be able to form a reasonably complete picture along with the stuff we'd learn second-hand - but we don't really get to form any clear picture of Connor at all. We see that he smokes weed, that he suffers from severe paranoia, that he has violent episodes. There's, I think, pretty much exactly one scene giving real, subtle, humanizing insight into his character - the one in the computer lab, where Connor talks to Evan and signs his cast despite his outburst earlier (showing that he awkwardly wants to make up for shoving Evan but is still unwilling to directly apologize or address it), and he jokes about how they can both pretend they're friends (implying he too might be lonely and wishes he had friends, and if things had gone differently perhaps they could have become friends for real), but then when he sees Evan's letter referring to Zoe, he lashes out with sudden intense paranoia again and pushes him away (implying he does care about his sister on some level, as well as showing just how bad his mental health issues are and giving an idea of why he's not exactly popular). This one scene really is very good and exactly the sort of thing I wanted from this musical! But this is his last scene before he dies, and the majority of Connor's time onstage is as the imaginary version of him in Evan's head, which isn't very well developed and doesn't have very much to do with the real Connor. Moreover, we don't end up learning very much from Connor's family after his suicide at all. They used to have picnics at an apple orchard; Connor once had an episode where he screamed he was going to kill Zoe; that's pretty much about it. I was expecting imaginary Connor to kind of be developed as a character in his own right, based on Evan's perception of what the actual Connor was like at school, but imaginary Connor doesn't end up getting much in the way of characterization, instead serving more as a mouthpiece to manifest some of Evan's inner monologue as it pertains to how he relates to Connor and projects his own feelings and experiences onto him. That kind of makes sense, since Evan knows basically nothing about Connor, but just the same, it feels like a missed opportunity to flesh out Connor's character in general. When Connor and the made-up fantasy of him that Evan creates are such a huge part of the story, it seems natural to make use of the real Connor to compare and contrast Evan's fantasy Connor, but the show ultimately doesn't really go there, and Connor remains kind of just the potential to be a character more than a real character. I think that's a shame; it'd be fascinating to get a good look into the mind of someone with Connor's kind of severe mental health issues (as opposed to Evan's anxiety, which is much easier for an average person to grasp and relate to), and I think it'd strengthen the show's commentary on teen suicide if the kid who took his own life were a real, developed character that we can properly understand and empathize with.

All that having been said, though, it's still a good show. I might have appreciated it more if I hadn't spent weeks making up my own version in my head before I gave in and watched the bootleg, but there are still a lot of things it does do really, really well. Evan's anxiety and general self-hatred and character progression is well portrayed; he's relatable and sympathetic while making hugely misguided, horrible choices, with real, intriguing psychological depth actually driving the things he does. And some things really are good and subtle in the final product, like Evan relating to Connor and projecting onto him because he'd been suicidal himself, the general hints at that fact before it actually comes to light. So Big / So Small is genuinely one of the best-done tearjerker songs I've ever heard; the truck story is kind of cheesy but it's so cute and childlike and tragic and spaced out in the perfect way with Heidi's feelings of being helpless and overwhelmed. Heidi in general is such a good character; she's trying so hard, and loves him so much, but she has to get by and just doesn't have the ability to be there for him as consistently as someone like Cynthia. And with how hard she works, and how much she loves him, of course it hurts her to learn her son has found this second family behind her back, a family of rich strangers that feel sorry for her and want to give her handouts. She's so flawed and I love her.

(After Anybody Have a Map?, where Cynthia and Heidi's experiences of trying their hardest for their sons when they don't really know how are compared, I was hoping they'd both be getting similar levels of development, but alas, Cynthia definitely gets the short end of the stick. She gets more development than Connor's dad, and the way she unlike the rest of her family unreservedly loved her son in spite of everything is interesting, but again, without actually getting much insight into Connor, it's hard to gain a complete understanding of why she feels that way, or of her mental state in general.)

Requiem is a really beautiful song and my favorite in the show, although the aforementioned So Big / So Small kind of needs its own scale because damn. Sincerely, Me is very catchy. The "To disappear, disappear" chorus of Disappear was one of the first bits that stuck with me on the soundtrack, particularly the way the quiet abruptness of the latter "disappear" actually conveys the feeling of disappearing. Good for You and Anybody Have a Map? are both good.

And the performances are very good in general. Rachel Bay Jones as Heidi may actually be my favorite because as I explained above I really like Heidi, and Ben Platt's anxiety as Evan is palpable and believable. I may not like Jared the character, but Will Roland does nail the role, I think. And of course, I'm sure the show is much better live than watching a bootleg. Live theater is a whole different experience, and if I ever do get a good chance to see it properly, I'll go for it.

(But I liked Groundhog Day better.)

[sapphicscholar]

Ok I know you're busy but please please please write whatever pairing you want for the post of the person who is advertising their services as being a terrible date to your family Thanksgiving dinner. No rush. Whenever you want. IF you want. Your life things absolutely come first

This has now been posted to AO3 here!

-Refers to this post  (text is there, but I changed to better match the situation/add in a joke or two)

A/N: This is set before the sort of reconciliation we get between Eliza and Alex (for reasons, even though other things have already happened that canonically take place post-reconciliation and really the timeline is all sorts of fucked but I’m beyond sleep-deprived), and since I’m writing from Alex’s POV, their relationship will sound pretty shitty, though it’s not the focus here. Also, this is pure crack–probably fairly terrible crack. In case anyone worried it would be serious….

Chapter Text

Knitting her eyebrows together in confusion, Alex reread at the vague subject line in her inbox: “Saw this, thought of you.” Knowing it was from Lucy already had her on high alert—the last time she’d unthinkingly opened a link from one of her emails at work, she’d ended up with the video for “Dick in a Box” playing at full volume to the surprise (and amusement) of her DEO recruits. But, since she was at home and more than a little curious, she clicked on the link, finding herself on a Craigslist ad that read:

“It’s Thanksgiving. Want to skip that long, insulting conversation about how youre still single? About how your parents really want more grand children? Well, look no further!

I am a 29 year old ex-con (long story, don’t worry, I’m plenty friendly!) with no family to worry about and a dirty pickup truck one year younger than me painted with some Scissor Sisters album cover artwork (there when I got it, but I like it too much to change it). I can play anywhere between the ages of 25 and 35 depending on hair and makeup. I’m a bartender and work late nights. If you’d like to have me as your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you, to torment your family, I’m game.

I can do these things, at your request: • Openly hit on other female guests while you act like you don’t notice• Start instigative discussions about politics and/or religion (I prefer to play the flaming liberal atheist, but can adapt depending on how promising the dessert selection will be and how much it would piss off your shitty family)• Propose to you in front of everyone (I’ve got a cheap ring and all)• Pretend to be really drunk as the evening goes on (sorry, I don’t really drink much anymore, but I used to. A lot. too much in fact… I know the drill)• Start an actual, physical fight with a family member, either inside or on the front lawn for all the neighbors to see (I require advance warning if I’m not to harm them in any real way or leave marks)

I require no pay but the free meal I will receive as a guest!”

Scowling, Alex switched over to email and sent back: “What the hell, Lane?”

Mere seconds later a reply came back in: “Morning to you too, Alex! You said you didn’t want to deal with your mom and your sister’s shitty boyfriend alone again so… voila! A solution—and it’s free.”

“I’m not going to hire an escort service,” Alex shot back.

“She says ‘strictly platonic,’ so it’s really not an escort service. And you’re not paying her, just feeding her. C’mon, think of all the joy those stories could bring to me, your dear friend, your oldest friend.”

“You arrested me for treason.”

“Hey look! Something you two have in common. You could totally bond about being ex-cons together.”

“Fuck off.”

“Do it!”

“No.”

Alex was ready to leave the conversation at that, but when she made it into the DEO, she found Lucy, a wide grin on her face and an extra coffee in her hand waiting for her in her lab. “So, I know you think it’s a bad idea, but here’s why you should do it.” She paused, waiting for Alex’s objections. When the woman just arched an eyebrow and glared, she kept going. “First of all, Eliza always wants to know why you don’t bring anyone home. You get the speech about how you went through all that effort to come out, and now you’re still single, Alexandra. Why? Second, Vas’s parents had to cancel last minute, so we’re gonna come crash the Danvers Thanksgiving extravaganza and would love to have some front row seats to this. Third, you know you’ve wanted to punch Mike since the moment he and Kara got together, and now someone is willing to do it for free. Do you understand how few things in life are genuinely free?”

“It won’t be free because you know the consequences will haunt me forever.”

“Danvers. Have I ever asked you for anything in my life?”

“So many things.”

“Hmm, I don’t recall those things. So you should say yes to this one.”

“Why are you so adamant?”

“No reason,” Lucy shrugged, a smirk playing at her lips as she feigned nonchalance, examining her perfectly manicured nails.

“Lucy,” Alex growled. “What did you do?”

“Nothing…I just, well, maybe I emailed her.”

“To say hello?”

“Yep, just emailed her to say hey.” A beat. “She can’t wait to meet you on Thursday!”

“Lucy!” Alex yelled, taking off after Lucy who had high-tailed it out of the lab. “Get your ass back in here!”

“Agent Danvers, is there a problem?” J’onn asked when Alex nearly collided with him.

“No, sir, nothing at all. I just have a few…follow up questions for Lucy.”

“It will have to wait. Supergirl just called in for backup on a situation developing downtown.”

With a nod, Alex resigned herself to waiting to exact her revenge on Lucy and cancel on whatever ex-con she’d found her for Thanksgiving. Of course, she reasoned, it might be amusing to see how her mother would react… Sure, she might not be able to compete with Kara, who could seemingly do no wrong, but surely she could be better than this internet chick. And bringing her would most definitely piss off her mother…

—

With a tumbler of top-shelf whiskey in front of her (courtesy of Lucy), Alex tilted her head to the side. “You’ll be there if anything goes horribly wrong?”

“I think you, Agent Badass, can more than handle it.” Lucy grinned at Alex over the rim of her own glass, far too excited about the prospect of her actually taking this mystery Craigslist woman to Thanksgiving dinner.

“Ah, but you forget I don’t really do family holidays sober. Still have a mean right hook, but it’d be nice to have backup.”

“Fine, yes, Vas and I will be there for you the whole day.”

“And you’ll take the blame if it goes horrifically wrong?”

“What? That wasn’t part of the agreement.”

“It is if you want me to actually agree this time.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Lucy finally nodded. “Alright, Danvers, you’ve got yourself a deal.”

“Fine,” Alex sighed, resigning herself to her fate. If nothing else, it would at least provide her with stories for years to come (and, if she were lucky, maybe even get her disinvited from future family holidays).

“Perfect, she’ll pick you up at 3.”

“Wait, you gave her my address?”

“Love ya too, Alex!” Lucy yelled, grabbing for her coat and making for the entrance before Alex could change her mind yet again.

—

2:50pm on Thanksgiving found Alex pacing back and forth in the lobby of her building. She hadn’t even wanted this woman—Maggie, apparently—to know where she lived, but since Lucy had already given up that information she was at least going to keep her from getting all the way up to her apartment. A ping from her phone finally drew her attention away from the door.

“Almost here. Is family there? Should I be a real dick and honk from the street?”

Smiling in spite of herself, Alex sent back: “No, just me. I’ll come outside.” Her smile soon vanished and her jaw dropped when she caught sight of Maggie’s truck rolling down her street. True to her word (though Alex might have conveniently forgotten that detail), it was emblazoned with a pair of women’s legs that morphed into scissors, a beam of light refracting through it and splitting off into a rainbow Pink Floyd-style.

“Your chariot awaits, m’lady!” the woman yelled after cranking down her windows, a smirk adorning her face that brought out dimples Alex might have fallen for if she didn’t know they belonged to some weirdo who would advertise her services on Craigslist.

With a nod and grunt of acknowledgment, Alex pulled herself up into the truck, rolling the window back up before turning to face her “girlfriend” for the day.

“So…you always this quiet?” Maggie asked, peeking over at Alex as they crawled their way through holiday traffic.

“No.”

“Cool, cool.” Eventually, tired of the quiet, Maggie spoke up again. “Anything you want me to do or not do today? Who all will be there?”

“Mom—Eliza. My sister Kara—technically foster sister, though she’s obviously the favorite child. Her jackass boyfriend, Mike, and her best friend Winn. I don’t think James is coming this year. Then Lucy and her girlfriend Vasquez.”

“Ah, yes, Lucy’s the one who wrote to me for you!”

“Mm, the very one,” Alex grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest and scowling at the traffic as though the sheer force of her glare could make it move faster.

“If you don’t mind my asking, why did you do this? You seem kinda…miserable about the whole ordeal.”

“Lucy.”

“If you’re really not up for it, I can just drop you off and head back home. I mean, okay, yeah, I don’t get my Thanksgiving meal, but I’m not gonna force my delightful company on you.”

“Thanks.” Maggie couldn’t help but notice it was the first time Alex had sounded sincere, and she almost seemed to relax—not quite, but a little. “I’m okay though.”

“Alright, well, you’ve got until the front door to make that decision.”

“No, no. You were promised a Thanksgiving meal, and you’ll get one.” She’d even warned Kara to cook the turkey beforehand lest she accidentally out herself as an alien to yet another person.

“Well, I appreciate it.”

“Yeah,” Alex dismissed the thanks with a shrug and a wave of her hand.

“So, what’s our deal for the day?”

“Oh, um, maybe we’ve been dating for a couple of months—wasn’t super serious at first and didn’t want to say anything just yet?”

“Okay, that works. So no proposal?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Roger that. Now, do you want me to be a total d-bag? Hit on your sister?”

“No! No, there’s no need to remind mom just how much better Kara is than me at everything, including, apparently, attracting my fake girlfriend’s attention.”

Maggie cocked her head to the side, wondering how in the world the gorgeous woman sitting next to her thought she would ever fail to hold someone’s attention. Sure, she could be a little bit of an ass, according to Lucy, but who wasn’t?

“Okay, so, eyes on you and only you. Want me to talk politics? Religion? My former conviction? My lack of career mobility?”

“I don’t know,” Alex sighed, rubbing at her temples and trying to remember why she had agreed to this. Perhaps she thought this woman might deflect attention away from her—be so unsuccessful that Alex’s failure to become a proper medical doctor might be overlooked for a change, be so unappealing as a date that her mom would stop pushing her into relationships, figuring singledom was better than the lowlifes Alex picked up. But this woman was…not quite what she had expected. Sure, she was loud and a little brash—and her pickup truck took both of those to the extreme—but she also seemed fairly considerate, and she was cuter than Alex had expected all dressed up in her holigay best plaid.

“How about we play it by ear? I’m very good at reading people, I’ll have you know.”

“Is that so?”

“Mhm. For instance you are feeling very stressed and wondering why you got into my truck and why you’re bringing some internet stranger to Thanksgiving dinner. I’d put money on the fact that you’re already thinking about how much you’ll regret it and planning ways to exact some revenge on Lucy.”

Alex just pursed her lips, unwilling to admit that it was all rather true.

Grinning at Alex’s silence, which she took as confirmation, Maggie pushed her luck. “Now you’re wondering, ‘However did she get so good at reading people?’ And how is such a gorgeous woman still single, without a line of women to go home with for the holidays.”

“Oh fuck off.”

“She speaks!” Maggie crowed, cackling at the scowl directed her way. “C’mon the whole point of this stunt is to have some fun. Family holidays suck more than just about anything. And this is my irreverent way of saying fuck you to the whole ordeal. Everyone knows the holidays are all about pushing your dirty laundry and your box of vibrators deep into the closet and pretending like you don’t hate each other and everything your conservative uncles stand for while you eat until you can’t taste the bitterness of regret for your life choices anymore, right?”

“That got really bleak, really fast.”

“It’s dark humor, get used to it.”

“Remind me where the joke is.”

“Because you’ll know that everything about today is fake. Having the fake girlfriend there just helps remind you that everyone else’s perfection is a big goddam charade too.”

Alex made a vague noise, still unsure about how she felt about all of this. Rather than contemplate any longer, she turned to Maggie. “So, tell me something about you.”

“Not like I know that much about you.”

“I’m a scientist; that’s all you need to know.” It wasn’t totally true, but it would be fine.

“I doubt it.”

“I like whiskey. And dogs, not that I have time for one. I’m a scientist, not the doctor my mother hoped for. Better?”

“A little. I prefer scotch myself on the rare occasion I splurge. Dogs are clearly superior to cats, so we’re in agreement there for our future dog, ya know, even though it’s only been a couple of months. And I hate doctors, so it’s better this way.”

“All doctors?”

“Doctors, dentists, orthodontists—all the sadists, ya know.”

“Mm, right, right.”

“Yep. So, according to Lucy’s directions, we’re getting close. Any last minute instructions or questions?”

“Uh…no?”

“You don’t sound so certain.”

“Sorry, I just, I hate family things. I know in theory that she loves me, but I just—god, I can’t do another one.”

“Want me to take you home? You can blame me—tell her I let my car insurance expire or something and we got pulled over. Or I got sent to prison again.”

“That’s sweet,” Alex said, “but no, I need to go.”

“Well, at least this year you have an ex-con on your arm.”

“Speak of which…what did you do?”

“Honest answer or the fun answer?”

“Why aren’t they the same?”

“Because it’s more fun for me if I let you think I killed a man and gave all of his money to charitable causes like a veritable 21st century Robin Hood.”

“So you didn’t kill a man?”

“Tragically, no.”

“You gonna tell me what you did?”

“Protesting mainly. So disturbing the peace, disorderly conduct, that kind of shit. Not like I’ve got any felonies on the record. But I can if you want to freak out your mom. Or your sister’s boyfriend.”

“Well, if you don’t mind risking another arrest, by all means, please feel free to punch him in the face.”

“That bad?”

“Worse.”

“Yikes.”

Alex just nodded, wrapping her head around the slightly different image of Maggie that was emerging as she learned more and more about the woman. Of course, nothing excused the fact that she was in a tacky pickup truck—not even the dimples and the charm and the deep misanthropy that rivaled her own.

“We’re here,” Alex murmured, taking a deep breath and steeling herself for the inevitable shitshow.

—

“Alex!” Kara squealed, pulling her sister into a big hug like she hadn’t seen her just yesterday.

“Hey, Kara,” Alex laughed, squeezing her once before pulling back. “Maggie, this is my sister Kara. Kara, this is my girlfriend Maggie.”

The theatrical wink Kara shot in her direction had Alex ready to drop her head into her hands, but as her mom strolled across the room she realized it was too late to back out now.

“Did you say girlfriend, Alexandra? Why haven’t I heard anything?”

“Mom, this is Maggie. Maggie, this is my mom, Eliza Danvers.”

“Very nice to meet you—”

“Eliza is fine,” Eliza interjected, sensing the hesitation. “Alex, is it too much to ask that you call me every once in a while? I shouldn’t have to find out about a partner only because I happened to be in town.”

“I’ll do better,” Alex sighed, setting her coat down as her eyes scanned the apartment, looking for where Kara had hidden the good whiskey.

“Well hello there,” Lucy greeted from the doorway, grinning broadly at the sight of Alex standing next to the mystery Craigslist woman looking beyond uncomfortable under Eliza’s scrutiny.

“Lucy! Vasquez!” Kara yelled, running forward to take the mashed potatoes and rolls from their hands.

“I’m beginning to think the excitement was for the food and not for us,” Lucy pouted.

“Aww, you know I love you both equally.”

Rolling her eyes, Lucy turned her attention to Maggie. “Hey, Maggie, how’s it going?”

“So your friends have not only heard about her but met her too?” Eliza asked pointedly.

“Oh, that’s my fault. I’m not always so great at meeting the parents, so I asked her to hold off on saying something.”

Alex tried not to look surprised at the way Maggie had been so quick to stand up for her, forcing herself to nod along with the sentiment while Eliza eyed her curiously.

“Hey, Lucy,” Maggie waved, hoping to break the tension—or, better yet, ignore it entirely.

“This is Vasquez,” Lucy introduced, kicking the door shut behind them as they finally made their way into the apartment. “She really enjoyed your pickup truck—helps the neighborhood aesthetic so much,” Lucy teased.

Figuring Lucy could deal with Maggie now, Alex made her way into the kitchen to find the wine, already anticipating her mother’s comments about how much “fun” she was having.

“She’s cuter than I expected,” Kara whispered, cutting in with a glass before Alex could abscond with the whole bottle.

Alex let out a noncommittal noise while focusing her attention on pouring herself a generous glass.

“I’m just saying—it’s been a while since you dated anyone…”

“I am not going to pick someone up off of Craigslist,” Alex hissed, shaking her head and finally taking a sip of the wine she’d been eying since they walked in the door. “Much better. Now you can deal with mom and the ‘best pie in the galaxy’ while I go have an intimate moment alone with a glass of red.”

“Why don’t you wait for dinner to start drinking, Alex,” came Eliza’s voice. Alex gritted her teeth as she spun around.

“I was under the impression that dinner would be starting soon.”

“Mike’s just running a little late,” Kara explained, shooting Alex an apologetic glance as she made her way back toward the oven where they were keeping the turkey hot.

“So let’s wait to have your fun until then, hmm?”

“Aww, we always have fun, don’t we, babe,” Maggie chimed in, throwing an arm around Alex’s waist and beaming at her as though she hadn’t just stepped into the first of many tense moments to come between mother and daughter. Then again, Alex realized, she had signed up for exactly that. “C’mon, why don’t you give me the grand tour?”

“Yeah, okay,” Alex shrugged, letting herself be guided away from the kitchen and into the living room where Winn and Vasquez had set up some multi-player video game and were currently shoving at each other as they competed both in and out of the game.

“Um, this is the living room…” Alex gestured awkwardly around them before guiding Maggie off to the side. “There’s the bathroom. And through here is Kara’s bedroom.”

“It’s a nice room,” Maggie declared loudly, chuckling at Alex’s startled expression. “Gotta make sure everyone knows we’re just doing a tour, not sneaking off to fuck, ya know.”

Alex glared and shushed Maggie. “Why would anyone think that?”

“Um, cause we’re dating. And it’s boring. And there’s a bed right there.”

“And a room full of people right out there!”

“You hired me to piss off your mom or be the asshole that makes you look good. Do you really have room to judge?”

“Ugh, stop reminding me of what a failure I am.”

“Hey, no, I don’t think you’re a failure at all—that’s not what I said. In fact, I bet you’re anything but. You’re pretty, and you’ve gotta be smart and driven to be a scientist. Your sister looks at you like you’re her goddam hero. And you had a friend concerned enough about your well-being to reach out to some stranger on the internet and subject me to a rather thorough vetting before sending me your address.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah, Lucy and Vasquez double-teamed me for some interrogation thing. I mean…I won’t lie, it was kinda hot. But also I felt like if I didn’t pass I maybe would’ve disappeared without a trace. I don’t know why, but I feel like they could do that…”

Alex shrugged; she wasn’t wrong. “How’d you get all of that in just a few moments?”

“I’m a bartender. I read people for a living.”

“I guess…”

“So, why don’t you fill in the details I missed?”

“Um, Kara works for CatCo as Cat Grant’s assistant.” Maggie whistled, looking impressed. “My mom’s a scientist as well, Dr. Danvers. So was my dad.”

“Divorce?” Maggie asked.

“Um, no, he died when I was younger.”

“Fuck, Alex, I’m sorry—I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine. Not caring about family is your whole schtick, right?”

“Not caring about my family is my thing. That’s—that’s different.”

“What happened to the whole families suck act from the truck?” Alex teased, trying to move away from the topic of her dad.

“Ah, well, most years I’ve done this, I’ve gone to families as shitty as mine. Sometimes with shitty people as my fake date too, so there’s that.”

“So how do I compare?”

“Significantly less shitty. I mean, your mom’s a little judge-y, but she did pull me aside to ask what my intentions were with you, so she clearly cares.”

“Got a funny way of showing it,” Alex snorted.

“Yeah, but at least she’s showing it at all.”

“What’s the deal with your family?” Alex asked, suddenly curious.

“I don’t have one. Got an aunt I go visit when I can afford it, but otherwise it’s just me.”

“Shit, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Better off without them.” Seeing the clench to Maggie’s jaw, Alex didn’t push the issue, though she couldn’t help the instinctive anger she felt toward whatever kind of person had left the woman that jaded. She might not get along with her mother, but at the end of the day, at least she knew she was loved, even if it never seemed to come in the way she needed it.

A loud knock on the door pulled their attention away, and Alex sighed loudly as Mike waltzed in, pulling Kara in for a kiss that just seemed inappropriate in front of their friends, but Eliza looked pleased enough to see Kara giggling, so of course now it would be acceptable.

“The boyfriend?” Maggie checked.

“Yep.”

“Should we have put on a show like that?”

“What happened to platonic only?”

“That’s the rule. But I already dislike him enough that I think I could make an exception for a bit of one-upsmanship.”

Alex snickered. “You’re not so bad, you know that?”

“High praise.”

—

The group eventually settled into dinner after an awkward round of toasts that included Mike speaking at great length about what an excellent person he’d become knowing Kara, Alex refusing to speak, Kara attempting to keep the peace, and Maggie giving an effusive speech about how perfect Alex was, including the line: “Best yet, not only is she smokin’ hot, but she’s also really fucking smart,” that had Lucy choking on her wine as she let out a bark of a laugh.

“So, Mark, tell me about yourself,” Maggie said, turning to look at him.

“It’s Mike.”

“Right.”

“Um, I work as an intern at CatCo.”

“Hey, look, babe! Maggie called, patting at Alex’s hand. “I’m not the least impressive person at the table anymore! At least I have a salary!”

“I will have a salary,” Mike protested.

“Yeah, yeah, Matt, whatever you say.”

“It’s not Matt.”

“Right, sorry! Mark—I’ve got it now. Locked in my memory—good as a vault. Mark. Mark, Mark, Mark.” Kara glared. Vasquez bit back a laugh. Lucy snorted into her wine. And Alex slung an arm around the back of Maggie’s chair, thinking this might just be the best idea Lucy ever had. She was definitely enjoying Thanksgiving more than she ever thought was possible.

“So, Mark the intern, tell me more.”

Looking over to Kara for guidance, Mike finally turned back and rolled with it. “Well, I work with Kara.”

“Are you her intern?”

“No, I am not.”

“Gotcha. So is that how you met Kara.”

“Why don’t we talk about you instead,” Kara chimed in, glaring at Alex. She’d been willing to play along but didn’t need to see her boyfriend being attacked all dinner.

“Ah, yes, well, I’m a bartender.”

Kara looked at her expectantly, but Maggie just smiled.

“So how did you two meet?” Mike asked, glad to have the attention off of himself.

“Do you want to tell it or should I, babe?” Maggie asked, looking over at Alex. The panicked glance she got in return was all the answer she needed. “I’ll tell it this time. So, it’s a funny story, right. Cause the first time I see her isn’t quite how we started dating. But I’m driving downtown, and I see this one walking down the sidewalk looking fine as hell in a leather jacket. And I swear, I nearly rear-ended the guy in front of me she had me so love-struck at first sight. But I managed to hit the brakes—couldn’t bear it if something had happened to Gertie—that’s my truck, in case you didn’t get that. She’s a real beauty; you’ll all have to come see her before the night’s over. Anyhow, she probably could’ve survived the crash—really, I could probably hit pretty much anything and you’d never know it. Not that I do,” she added with an exaggerated wink. Alex finished her glass of wine, nearly tipping it completely upside down, while Vasquez dug her nails into Lucy’s thigh to keep her from bursting out in laughter.

“Anyway, I see that she’s going to this coffee shop, so I start popping in just in case—and boom, like an angel, she appears.” But as Maggie got ready to reach the high point of her story—it was gonna be a good one, she could just feel it—a bright flash appeared in the living room, bringing with it a new person, though Alex would bet money he wasn’t human.

Within a moment, the majority of the room had produced guns, batons, and knives from nowhere and stood at the ready, weapons drawn, badges held high, and questions on their lips.

“I come in peace!” the creature yelled, looking beyond intimidated at the less than warm welcome. “But I bring a warning for Kara Zor-El, daughter of Krypton.”

As he turned to look at Kara, Alex swore under her breath, realizing she’d now have to get some random stranger willing to trade fake-dating services for free food on Craigslist to sign extensive nondisclosure agreements. But when she turned she found the woman pointing a gun and holding up a badge of her own.

“NCPD?” Alex hissed, while Kara and Mike moved with the visitor to the living room.

“Well who the hell is gonna let a Craigslist cop crash their Thanksgiving? That sounds like a sting operation if I’ve ever heard one. Besides, you’re not exactly the scientist you told me you were,” Maggie added, gesturing at the baton Alex had pulled from somewhere—where she was keeping it in jeans that skinny, she didn’t even want to guess.

“You’re gonna have some paperwork to fill out,” Alex grumbled.

“Is that about your sister being Supergirl?”

“How in the fuck—?”

“I’m a detective; I detect.”

“So you’re not just a bartender that’s great at reading people?”

“Nah, that was my gig in college, though, if it makes you feel any better.”

“It does not.”

“Fair enough. Anyway, if I’m gonna have to do paperwork, can I at least bring some of this dessert to go? I was promised a free meal…”