#dealing with exes is always like a million feelings at once

[phyrestartr]

Heyyy I'm not sure if you take requests but I have an idea-

Reincarnated! Husband sukuna x Dead spouse (husband) Male Reader: this one is kind of like sukuna fucks up a lot, I think this can work out as an omegaverse? He cheats, fucks around, or doesn't even give af about m reader who is his fated pair, but then m! reader died and since they were mated he's like “shit I can't live without him” so he tries to be good to him the next life and they have happy family the end.

Replay (This Time I'll Get It Right) | Sukuna x Male!Reader (Part 1 of 2)

W/C: 1.6k #alpha!sukuna, omega!reader, mentions of suicide, mentions of murder, ABO dynamics, mentions of stalking, mentions of toxic exes, sukuna sucks, sukuna sucks less eventually, reincarnation, next lives, angst, drama, hurt/comfort, toxic relationships, infidelity/cheating

NOTE: Thank you for your patience!! It's still not quite done, but I wanted to post the first part up while i think of the rest of the story (got a vague idea of how it'll go, so should come out soon). Ty for the req!

tags: @kamote-kuneho @prettorett @memedealer-exe @tr4nniez @better-imagination-9 @flowersatwork @memedealer-exe @silvern1006

♪ Here With Me - d4vd

♪ Watch the sunrise along the coast

As we’re both getting old ♪

Sukuna puffed on a cigarette, staring out at the city lights. You always liked coming here, to this little cliff hanging above the city–especially when you were stuck on lyrics or tabs of whatever song you were working on. This hillside spot was cheesy and stupid, but you loved the way it felt like an old-school chick flick when you drove up here in your beater.

In this spot, Sukuna realized you had an old soul, one that basked in the simple, mundane things like stargazing and city-watching. It was a step away from feeding pigeons in the park, your producer decided. The way that made you laugh still sent his heart on a wild chase. That, too, was the first moment he realized he wanted you more than just a collaborator. 

And, maybe, if he had pushed aside the partying, the drugs, the women, he might’ve bothered checking his phone. He might’ve been able to apologize for wrongs done and words said, to get back on the right track. He might've not found out about you on the news. Maybe he could have given you everything you wanted–

But he couldn’t. Not anymore. 

♪ I can’t describe what I’m feeling

And all I know is we’re going home ♪

Even after locking you down and starting on that stupid journey to start a family, his spirit still yearned to wander free. 

So it did. 

Primal wants controlled him. He allowed them to steer him away from the safety of your touch and into the gnashing jaws of excitement, of danger. All because the two of you were starting to make it–you were starting to leave your mark on this world, and Sukuna let the fame and greed get to him. 

But how could he not jump at the chance to fuck the famous and infamous? How could he stay faithful to just you, a smalltown boy, when big city celebrities reached out to him, pulling him into big deals and bigger beds? How could he–

His phone blitzed to life again, ringing in the hollow quiet of a too-expensive car. The call went to voicemail, leaving him in the pits of Tartarus again, drowning in the frigid rain beating against his car windows like a million bullets trying to seek the death penalty.

Did angels do that? Take revenge for their own kind? He’d understand it. Jin, an angel in his own right, exiled his Luciferian twin from the celestial plane, barring him from what was left of that tiny spark of love and hope he called “family.” 

♪ So please don’t let me go, oh

Don’t let me go ♪

His phone rang again. He remembered picking it up once upon a time, listening to your shaky voice as you told him the worst and best news he’d ever heard in his entire existence: “I’m pregnant.” 

Sukuna didn’t know what true fear and excitement were until that moment. You laughed through waterworks, lifted by Sukuna’s uncontrolled motor-mouthing and celebrating as he hooted and hollered on the other line. The women your husband was with gave him weird looks, but he didn’t care–you were pregnant. You were going to–

You were going to have his kid. His pup. A shared little joy, a spark of hope for the future. And then–then someone took that away. 

The sorry waste of life, the obsessive ex you vehemently feared, left behind a note for whomever found the tragedy: “I'll take care of them from now on.”

Sukuna knew there had to be more to it, there had to be more of an explanation, but the media wasn't interested; they only wanted to use and abuse your name and face for articles and news reports, not to reminisce on you nor the woe of a murder-suicide.

How come no one cared? Why did no one fucking care?

♪ Save your tears, it’ll be okay

All I know is you’re here with me ♪

He snapped. Sukuna kicked the dashboard. His boot cracked against the console again and again and again until your siren song died in a quick fit of static. He crashed his heel into the broken screen a dozen more times, each impact punching shout after shout out of his tight throat as the weight of the fucking sky collapsed on him. He wasn’t Atlas. He couldn’t hold it up. He never could, not by himself.

Sukuna heaved in breaths. His stomach swirled and churned with nausea. He held his head and leaned back, screaming into the thunder that shook the world with a vital roar, hiding heartbroken howls.

Why? Why? Why? 

“Deep breaths, Sukuna,” your voice cooed. It came from the darkness, from the forgotten corners of his mind. Why were–ah, right. He’d been here before, overcome with agony and grief. Unable to breathe, unable to cope, unable to exist.  

He followed your instructions. 

“In. Out. In. Out.”

In. Out. In. Out.

The phone rang again. Sukuna answered. He hoped whoever it was would tell him this was all just a bad joke. A bad dream. It wasn’t real. 

“Finally,” Wasuke sighed on the other end of the line. “Kid, where the fuck are you?”

Sukuna stared up at the roof of the car. Words smeared and oozed like molasses in his mind. He couldn’t understand the words he knew he could understand. 

“Sukuna.” 

“What the fuck do I do?” Sukuna asked. His voice quivered. Chipped and cracked.

His father fell quiet. But he was wise. So fucking wise and so good at everything that came with life and death, morality and love. 

“Become a better man,” he said, like it was so simple. 

Sukuna scoffed. “H-How the fuck–”

“Quiet, kid.” Wasuke sighed. “That boy loved you. He had faith in you as a partner and a father. Remember that. Honour that, and become the man he knew you could be.”

Sukuna didn’t know his heart could break more, but it did. 

He sobbed. To his father, to himself, to you, to that unborn joy, to whatever fuckhead created life and love in the first place. He cried for forgiveness, for a second shot. 

“I’ll try,” Sukuna bit out. “I’ll try.” 

–

♪ I wish I could live through every memory again

Just one more time before we float off in the wind ♪

Sukuna woke up to that song. It was the same one that played in his nightmares, the same one that robbed him of sleep until he lost his mind and–and–

“What the fuck happened?” Sukuna croaked to whatever singing nymph fluttered around him. 

The damn song stopped, leaving Sukuna in just a second of tumultuous silence. 

Beep. Beep. Beep. 

The rhythmic chirping of some machine–a heart monitor, maybe? A metronome?--kicked up into double time, jamming an ice pick into his skull further and further with every hellish second that passed by. He could almost hear the radio static, the warp of a ballad calling to him. And it wouldn't stop. It wouldn't stop. Why wouldn't it stop? Why? Why? Why?

“Hey,” your voice cooed. Your hand rested atop of Sukuna's and squeezed. “Can you hear me?” 

Sukuna cracked a tired eye open to look up at you; you were perfect. God-given. A blessing he needed to see right now with your gentle eyes and kind smile, the gentle scent of lavender and vanilla cutting through the disgusting sterility of the room. 

“Can hear you,” Sukuna rasped. His hand tried to turn to hold yours, and you helped by slipping your palm into his. His heart rate slowed with the rhythm of the machine. 

You nodded and covered your clasped hands with your other one. “Good. You probably don't remember, but you were in an accident. A car side-swiped you when you were on your motorcycle.”

“No shit.” 

“Yes shit. But you're alright. Would recommend wearing a helmet from now on.” You pat his hand before slipping both of yours free. “I'll call the doctor and your family. They'll be glad to know you're awake, Itadori-san.” 

He wanted to ask you to stay. He didn't want you to go, not right then, maybe not at all. 

But you flashed him another comforting smile and slipped out of the room before he could object.

–

His father came by. Jin and his son, too. Uraume and Yorozu scolded him for not wearing a helmet. The ragtag group of hooligans he unfortunately associated with (just for the sake of going to their fancy-ass parties, he reasoned) came and went, too; Gojo gave him headaches, Getou made it worse, Ieiri wasn’t so bad.

Then there was you. You were always humming some sort of tune, whether it be the song from his nightmares or something he'd never heard before. Sukuna liked it, the sound of your voice, but you'd always clam up the second you realized someone might hear. 

It led him to pretend to be asleep far too many times during his recovery. Your songs eased his wildfire spirit, let it simmer down and curl up comfortably in a ring of stones to keep those near safe and warm without the fear of being burned alive. Hell, they could probably even make some s’mores if they wanted. 

Eventually, though, Sukuna wanted to know more. And what better person to ask than the burgeoning med student herself?

“Oh, [Name]?” Ieiri asked, sitting beside Sukuna’s bed and looking over the machines connected to Sukuna with rapt attention. “He’s a new-ish nurse from what I get. Pretty cute, huh? Apparently passed his exams no problem and–” 

Sukuna rolled his eyes. “If you don’t know relevant shit then just–”

“He’s single. Omega. Likes men. Kinda older than us. Gojo and Getou got rejected already.” 

That shut Sukuna up. 

[nanaminsmoon]

hiiii, so sorry if this is a lil long but bare w me pls, i love ur writing btw <3

ok: reader & plug!ony broke up about a year ago bc of something ony did (something bad but not like 100% unforgivable) but the feelings never left. he’s been tryna get her back over the year but she wasn’t budging cus she hadn’t seen any growth. recently tho she’s noticed he’s growing & she misses him. then at a function, she sees him pop out w a new girl & all their friends are staring at her like waiting for a reaction and in a littleee moment of jealousy, she goes up to ony like “you’re mine for life right?” and he jumps away from the other girl so fast like he BEEN waiting on this news 😭😭

omg thank you!! i was about to write something just like this but this is so much better!! i hope you like it and i'm sorry it took so long i just wanted it to be okay😭

cw: kinda angsty, oral (f receiving), car sex, ony calls reader 'ma', n word usage, mentions of breeding.

wc: 3913

atonement is hardly ever easy, and ony knew that first-hand. closing the gap between you and the person you once held closest to you can, surprisingly, be very difficult. even if a year of ‘separation’ is spent showing up at your ex-lovers’ door, or workplace, nail tech, or hair lady’s house. sometimes getting back to where you once where is needlessly difficult. especially if your definitions of said place are vastly different.

from the outside looking in, you and ony’s relationship had been picture perfect. he loved you as much as you loved him, and he wasn’t shy about it. everyone knew not to even look at you wrong, because they knew that they would have ony to deal with—and no one fucked with ony’s girl. except for him. because that picture had been held by a fraudulent frame; purposely hung over the large dent in your relationship. that being, his occupation.

from small kickbacks, to rich white kids who want to snort rebellion off their house keys, everyone had one thing in common—ony. no party started until ony got there and, as happy as you were for him, that didn’t come without its burdens. ony was almost always out dealing, giving you very little quality time to hang out. on the few occasions you got his undivided attention for more than a few hours, your peace would be interrupted by the ear-splitting noise erupting from his stupid nokia burner phone.

of course, small huffs of disappointment would slip past your lips when he told you that he had to leave. but you were used to it now, and that’s what helped ony sleep at night; knowing that you had become inured to his disconcerting disappearances, and abrupt reappearances. you knew that other people needed him, even if it meant that your needs were temporarily pushed aside. one time you had asked him, why it always had to be him that they called, and his response had been:

”my shit is the best, ma.”, said through a chortle, as he put his shoes on by your front door.

”i get that, but what about me?”, your arms crossed, as you tilted your head at your man—ony’s weakness. once you did that, with that look in your eyes, he couldn’t say no to you. but tonight, his priorities were different.

just let me do what i gotta do, and i’ll come right back to you. then i’m yours for the whole night.”, he had reassured, kissing your temple.

”just for the night?”, you scoffed.

”for life. now stay here, and i’ll be back.”, and that would appease you for the evening. but there’s only so much cracking one heart can do, before no adhesive can keep it whole, and it shatters into a million pieces. that night, you stripped yourself of ony’s shirt you had been wearing, and threw it into the corner of your bedroom; it smelt too much like him, and you hated it.

harmless hatred became deep disdain on the evening of your birthday. you had organised a dinner for a few of your closest friends and family, and had vehemently stressed to ony that he had to be there on time. because, if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t just be wasting your time, but he’d be wasting that of those closest to you as well. and he had promised you that if there’s something that had to be handled during the time of your dinner, he’d get connie or eren to do it so he could be with you. but 15 minutes of waiting for him became 30. and 30 soon became an hour, and your friends grew reasonably irate due to hunger. so you said they could order, and you’d just call ony one more time. but in a time where all you wanted to hear was your boyfriend’s voice, all you were met with was rings on the other line. that sound resounded all over the side of your face. and that feeling grew once the realisation hit that had you been a client, he wouldn’t have let the phone ring for more than five seconds. and that gave you a lot to think about.

you didn’t know how long the dinner lasted because your focus had remained on keeping your tears from falling into your food. you hated how pitiful you looked, lifting your head up every time someone walked into the restaurant, and the crestfallen expression that landed on your face each time you saw it wasn’t ony. it made no sense to you how the man who swore he would do anything for you, the man who placed a band on your ring finger, promising you that one day he’d marry you. the man who swore he had never loved anyone more than you, refused to put you before something so fleeting.

ony finally did show up though…two hours after the dinner had ended. heartbroken cries in your bedroom, had constantly been interrupted by calls coming from ony’s contact. but every single one went unanswered; he needed to feel what you felt when he had embarrassed you in front of your loved ones. though mere missed calls could never compare to the taste of your celebratory dinner food meshing awkwardly with the swallowed cries in your throat, you had to make him feel a morsel of the anguish he had put you through.

if ony could’ve gone full 2000s rnb music video; shirtless, singing outside your window with his chain blowing in the windy rain, he would’ve done. he would’ve even started throwing pebbles if he could, but your apartment was too high on your building. so he just settled on incessantly pressing the button next to your door number. and, after the nth try, you opened the door for him and he ran inside—pressing the elevator button a thousand times once he got in. and, just as he was about to knock on the door, it opened. and you stood on the other side, utterly unimpressed; bonnet on, your own pyjamas (instead of one of his shirts), and eyes reddened by tears. the impact caused by his heart unceremoniously dropping to the pit of his stomach caused a soft sigh to leave his mouth. then his lips began moving to explain himself.

“look, i'm sorry. i lost track of ti—”, his explanations were waved off—your own thoughts outweighing whatever he had to say to you.

“we're done, ony.”, was all you said to him before closing the door, and ony’s brain turned off, then back on again because what the fuck did you just say??

“y/n, open the door”, he banged on the door. and, not wanting any noise complaints, you opened it.

“what?”, you scowled.

“the fuck you mean done? talk to me”, ony’s hand reached out to yours, but quickly retreated when you pulled back from him. you had never done that; even when you were mad at him, you at least gave him a chance to get back into your good books again.

“you missed my birthday dinner, ony”, your voice was small, tears about to fall yet again.

“i know, and i'm sor—”,

“two years in a row.”,

“like i said, i'm sor—”,

“and my graduation, the party we had when i finally got my drivers license, the lunch you promised me on my first day at my new job. and you were meant to be my date at my sisters wedding.”, every example was punctuated by your fingertip harshly poking at his chest, and the tears just started falling on their own.

“i'm sorry, y/n”, ony’s voice started cracking, as his hand embraced the hand you had been poking him with.

“sorry isn't good enough anymore, ony. i deserve someone who prioritises me”,

“but everything i do is for us.”, he kissed your hand, “imma use this money to buy you ever—”,

“do you not understand that i don't want your money or gifts? i want you, ony.”, your breathed out, exasperation deeply set in your voice, and in your slumping posture, “anyone could give me bags and shoes, ony. but only you could give me your time. but you won’t, and that's the problem”

“so what, this is it?”,

“until you figure yourself out, yeah.”, you slid your hand from him, “it pains me because i love you so much, but i can’t keep living like this. if you're not ready for a girlfriend then you should've never got with me”

“but i am ready”, he pleaded.

“then act like it.”. were the words that echoed in ony’s head every time he showed up to the places he saw you posting on your story—heart holding hopes that your paths would cross. you didn’t know how he did it, but ony became your shadow for nearly the whole year you spent separated. even when you told him to give it up, he refused; sending bouquets of flowers to your workplace every few days, talking to you through your friends and family, and even showing up to your job to make up for that lunch he promised you. it hurt you to turn him away when you could see in his eyes that he would give up the world to have you in his orbit again. but, when you would ask him about where he got the money to even buy you these flowers in the first place, his silence was very telling.

but word on the street was that ony was a changed man now. your sources told you that he wasn’t dealing as much, and he had gotten a job. those sources being his instagram story that you watched through a burner account. seeing him everywhere made it impossible for you to wash yourself of him completely, so desparate times called for desparate measures. you missed that man so much, it was driving you crazy. it pissed you off seeing him being the man you had asked him to be, but not having the chance to bask in his progress. your love for ony wouldn’t vanish overnight, but it sure as hell hadn’t faded in the year you had been separated either. you kept his shirts and hoodies, and the promise ring he bought you was still on your finger.

so elated didn’t even begin to explain the feeling in your chest when, upon arriving at some house party, one of your girls told you that ony was there too. you tried to not seem so eager, but you had no control over your heart beating rapidly at the idea that you might see him again. all you needed was for him to apologise one more time, and you’d be all his. that was until you came to find that there was a hole blocking your reunion—that hole being in the shape of some girl giggling in his face, as his arm sat around her waist. every fibre of your being urged you to stomp over there, and scream his ear off. but he wasn’t your man anymore so there was nothing you could do but kiss your teeth and glower that them.

no man, not even ony, could get in the way of you and your friends enjoying yourselves. so that’s exactly what you did. for an hour, or two, ony didn’t exist and you just laughed and danced with your friends. however, the end of that would be marked when you stood, talking some guy you had just met, and one of your friends nudged you and nodded in ony’s direction.

“that doesn't bother you?”, she asked, obviously asking about the girl sat on ony’s lap.

“why would it?”, you shrugged back.

“you ain't say you missed the nigga?”, your other friend chimed in.

“okay? that doesn't mean i want him back”, you lied through your teeth.

“so you’re just missing him as hobby?”, sasha laughed.

“leave me alone.”, you chided, and your friends dropped the whole thing. but you wished those saltine whispers of jealousy would leave your eyes, and let you at least pretend to enjoy yourself in peace.

and if it wasn’t them ruining your fun, it was the girl’s friends staring at you.

“why are her friends looking at me?”, you whispered to connie. he had come over to speak to you, and that had caught ony’s attention. mainly because he wondered why you were willing to speak to his friend, but not him.

“they’re gloating.”, connie put a comforting arm around you, and pulled you closer to himself.

“well, tell them to stop.”, as if you could feel ony’s eyes on you, you moved connie’s arm from you, and connie laughed before putting it back where it was.

“they won’t. in their mind, she stole ony from you.”, he explained, and you scoffed.

“pfft, i could get that nigga back anytime i wanted”, you retorted, earning some knowing looks from your friends, before unprecedented words fell from sasha’s mouth.

“then do it.”, she nudged you, “you keep saying you want him so bad, go get him. he’s your man. go collect him”, that didn’t sound like a suggestion, it sounded like a dare. and you were never one to back down from a dare.

“fuck it”.

you didn’t know where your strides were leading you until you were barging past ony’s friends to link your arm around his own. at first, his body went into fight or flight because he thought he was about to be robbed, then calm came in the sound of your voice,

“ony, baby, where did you go? i've been looking for you everywhere”, you made sure to stick yourself onto him, and he didn’t move from you because he was too busy comprehending what the fuck was going on.

“y/n?”,

“i thought you guys were done?”, miss.whatever-her-name-was, linked ony’s other arm with her own, and pulled him towards herself.

“yeah, so did i”, ony spoke under his breath, looking down at you in bewilderment as he thought to himself; ”how much did i fucking smoke?”.

“who’s done?”, you looked up at him, “you’re mine for life, right?”, you pouted up at him, and all those memories of that night he had promised you he wouldn’t be long, came flooding back—ony folded immediately.

“always.”, he grinned at you, simultaneously yanking his arm away from whatever her name was.

“ony?”, she complained—now it was your turn to gloat.

“what?”, he sneered at her.

“you told me you guys were done”, she whined, and he rolled his eyes at her.

“well then don’t believe everything a nigga tells you”, was his final rebuttal before he pulled you outside.

at first, you just sat in silence, taking in the cool summer breeze. but ony had questions and, more importantly, he wanted to hear your voice.

“you forgive me then?”, his elbow gently met your arm.

“who said that?”, you stared down at your feet, kicking into the ground beneath you.

“you don't forgive me but you wanna do all that shit back there?”, he laughed.

“she didn't look good for you”, you finally looked up at him, and ony just laughed at you.

“you don't know her”,

“i just got that vibe”, you feigned a shudder, eyes still on him.

“what'd you really want, y/n?”, his index finger lifted your chin.

“you.”, your frank demeanour, and sincere eye contact, blew ony’s eyes wide open.

“well, you got me.”, as much as ony had changed in that year, his love for you remained incorrigible, and he’d be dumb to try and convince you otherwise. so he wouldn’t; he’d been wanting you back for far too long, and he’d finally gotten what he wanted.

“that easy?”, you teased.

“even if you’re not mine, i’ll always be yours, y/n. you know that”, ony’s words directed themselves at your lips; brown irises stuck onto your shining gloss.

“well then…can i be yours again?”, you muttered apprehensively, and the pause after that comment was unreadable.

“y’don’t even have to ask, c’mere”, ony reached his hand out to you.

gentle fingers, interlocked with yours, led you out of the party, and down a road that would end at ony’s car—parked overlooking the local area. he wasted no time; unlocking it before opening the back door, and gesturing for you to get in.

"already? you don’t at least want to talk first?”, you laughed at how keen he was, and a lazy smirk graced his face.

”we’ll talk after. get in.”, any anger, or disappointment, built up over the time you were together, had been mollified with just one comment. missing ony was something you never wanted to do again, and seeing the person he had apparently become, meant that you probably never would. all memories of past arguments, and splits, dispersed in ony’s mind once his lips met yours in a fervent kiss. it was one of longing, and regret. the heat emanating off his body causing particles of his internal regret to fill the inside of the car. you could feel it bouncing off your skin, as his tongue met with yours, and his hands kneaded at your flesh through your clothes. ultimately moving south to help you shimmy your way out of your jeans and underwear. he wouldn’t take them off completely, just leave them by your ankles as he laid you on your back, his mouth already placing soft kisses on your upper thigh. that lasted all of five seconds before ony’s tongue was wrapping around your clit, sucking on it gently. for him, this was a meal that was long overdue, and you could feel it in the way he ate you out like a starved man. taking no breaks; wet noises and thirsty moans, omitted by the ever-moving mouth entertaining your core, pervaded the vehicle.

ony had always luxuriated in eating you out, so it wasn’t long until you came; a rivulet dousing his lower face, before he finally came up for air.

”you still taste as good as i remember”, he uttered lowly, moving to give you a taste of yourself as he pressed his lips against yours. his kisses were haste as his hands fumbled to pull down his jeans and boxers, to angle himself at your entrance. the way you took in that first inch of him had him incapacitated; his forehead dropped to meet yours, while deep groans left his mouth.

”fuck…”, ony had to pause to compose himself before he gently pushed the rest of his length inside you. once he did, he just stayed there; eyes locked with yours, thanks to the streetlights, and you could’ve sworn that this man was close to tears with the way his eyes were glossing over.

the way he was fucking you was ineffable; a year was nothing compared to the others ony had spent studying your body, and the things it reacted to. like the way you’d grow tighter around him at his hands pressing your legs against your chest, as he fucked into you. even in the confined space, head crouched down so he didn’t hit the ceiling, ony still fucked you like you were in the comfort of his bedroom—with all the space, and time, in the world. his ireful tip would caress that spongy spot inside of you, over and over again, making your head spin. all those years of learning your body had not been in vain, because a few minutes in that position, and you came around him. keening his name, as your back lifted off the leather seats. ony was planning on taking you back to his place, and making up for lost time properly. but, for now, he would just turn you around and fuck into you from the back—your hands immediately finding the steamy windows,

”don’t do that, ma. people will know what we’re doin’ in here”, he chuckled at you and you moaned out a distorted version of,

”and the moving car doesn’t make it obvious?”. somehow, ony understood you; he was just used to your fucked out rebuttals, and he scoffed at you before giving the moving flesh surrounding your hips two quick slaps. your hands grabbed at anything they could to gain balance, ultimately deciding on the arm rest on the door. and ony’s hands would follow suit, but as he went to intertwine your fingers, his hands were met with cold metal. it was pretty dark in there, so he couldn’t really make out what it was, but a fleeting headlight revealed the ring he had bought you.

“still got that ring on?”, he smiled to himself.

“you p-promised me…”, you stammered out.

“that i’d marry you.”, his eyes softened at the fact that you had been wearing that ring, despite not being together. all because of that lovestruck vow he had made you,

“and imma keep to that promise. imma marry you, then imma fuck some babies into you”, he spoke to you, “that okay with you?”, you moaned out in loud agreement, and that drove ony to fuck you harder.

“good.”, the thought of you being his wife, sat in your marital bed, with his child in your arms sent him over the edge, and ony came in you. deep hums, containing declarations of his love, spilt all over the back of your neck. but his hips didn’t still because he could feel you coming again.

once you both came down from your orgasms, ony laid you down on your side, before pulling his boxers and jeans up and leaving the car momentarily to turn the car on. he opened the windows slightly, before returning to the back of the car. his back would soon be attached to the back door, yours against his chest as your fingers intertwined. even though you hadn’t covered yourself yet, and his nut was leaking out of you onto the leather seats, everything just seemed perfect. in its own weird way; you in ony’s arms again, and his lips pressing loving kisses on your temple.

”y’know it would’ve taken just one more knock at my front door for me to forgive you?”, you looked up at him. and, once the initial shock subsided, he chuckled at you.

”but i kinda think it’s better this way.”, he shrugged.

”how?”, you sat up to face him properly.

”it felt good to finally be able to give you my attention when you asked it of me.”, he smiled, reaching out to stroke your cheek, ”no interruptions. just us.”, after all the emotional turmoil, it was nice hearing that word again; ”us”.

”for life.”, you kissed his knuckle.

”for life.”

© Rights owned by nanaminsmooninc. Do not repost without permission.

[darkstarofchaos]

Hello! Another person who is incredibly frustrated with redeemed Megatron.

Me and my friends have all voiced the exact same problems and that main being that we don't ever get the before him like at all. Hints here and there but for the most part NO ONE outside of the bad guys has any bad blood towards him.

I understand not every kid show needs to be these deep emotional epics but at the same time it's still weird to me that the Autobots, who have lost countless family and friends thanks specifically to the actions of Megatron and his followers, show no sort of lingering resentment. After all, the amount of time between the war ended and the beginning of the show would be like a few hours for beings that live for millions of years.

Having the Terrans would be a great excuse to have the devil's advocate angle when other Autobots still don't feel comfortable around him. I said the same thing in my own Starscream post too about how sometimes people can't change because those around them refuse to let them.

Megatron should've felt alienated from both sides and by him not falling back into old habits and committing to staying good would've actually proved that his redemption was warranted.

I'm not asking for it to take over the show, but these little background moments. Hell, Bumblebee's attitude would've been a little bit more tolerable if you were it was coming from a place of feeling slighted pissed that the cybertronian who more or less ruined his "childhood" (I've accepted that headcanon that any given Bumblebee is basically a former child soldier) is just walking free side to side with his mentor.

The sad thing is that the first couple episodes kinda show some hints of that? Like when Optimus gives his "Roll out" bit and Megatron tells Dot he's never sure if he means him, or Bumblebee being kinda wary when he tries to call Optimus and gets Megatron (also, Megatron's matter-of-fact recounting of how he kept his soldiers in line). It wasn't enough on its own, but they could have continued the trend to show most bots are wary of him at best, or even implied that the reason some Autobots don't show up much is because they don't want to be around him. It wouldn't have taken many changes to show Megatron as fairly isolated, with maybe one or two relationships that kept him from backsliding into his old ways (his friendship with Dot works better for me because 15 years is a long time for a human, and we know he saved her life at least once).

Honestly, I was ambivalent about his "redemption" in season 1? After Jawbreaker asked him about his altmode and it turned out all he had to do to get Optimus' trust was scan an Earth alt, I pretty much gave up on getting any meaningful backstory for him, so I was resigned to him just being Generic Ex-Decepticon (and then What Dwells Within happened and he finally felt like a Megatron trying to do better to me. Not just in his interactions with Starscream, but when he interacted with Optimus and Croft too: angry, wanting to do things his way, trying to do better but slipping into old habits. If he'd been more like that throughout the show, paired with the Autobots responding appropriately to him, I would have enjoyed his character a lot more).

And then Season 2 happened. And we went the "Starscream is worse than his abuser, actually" route. And now I'm like... This is everything I do not want from a Megatron redemption. The only thing I want from a Megatron redemption is for him to face what he did to the people closest to him. Every single Megatron redemption sees him running off somewhere and leaving the Decepticons to deal with the fallout of his war, and he never has to face the people he personally hurt. And when it comes to Starscream, it's almost treated like a good thing that he hurt him, because when Megatron isn't there to "keep him in check", he's worse than Megatron ever was. And then people roll their eyes and say "Starscream is always power hungry and evil, what do you expect?" while Armada Starscream is right there, and EarthSpark Starscream in Season 1 was a hell of a lot closer to Armada than to Cyberverse.

On his own, EarthSpark Megatron was boring and a waste of potential, but not especially offensive. Paired with Starscream, and specifically Starscream as he appeared in the final episode of the latest batch, he is possibly my least favorite part of EarthSpark right now. Not as a character, but as a concept. I like Megatron, but I have no use for a redeemed Megatron who still has to believe that he's better than Starscream, and be supported in that belief by the narrative. The early scene in S2 when Megatron tells Starscream to let the war end could have been a really good character moment, because we would see that there are still things he doesn't regret, and that he truly sees himself as better than Starscream (who isn't even the one to blame for the war's continuation - I firmly believe that, since the Decepticons were the ones being hunted and locked up, it falls to Megatron and the Autobots to prove that things can be different now. And if the war is continuing, it's almost certainly because Megatron and/or the Autobots fucked up).

But instead we get, "Yeah, Megatron thinks he's a better person than Starscream. And you know what? He's right." I am so done with the abuse apologetics.

[scandinavianfairytale]

Doubt

Pairing: Tony Stark x Millionare Reader

Warnings: A few mentions of sex, but no act itself and a small age gap (7 years) between the reader & Tony 😊

"I think you two would be great together. He works a lot, you work a lot, he's rich, you're rich, he's a nerd, you're a nerd-"

"I get it, Pepper." You stopped your friend who has been trying to set you up with her boss for a few weeks now. She has seen you go through so many boring men that you were rolling your eyes immediately after someone offered a date to you. Experience taught you it will be a dumpster fire.

The last one turned out to be homophobic, ignorant and went into detail how his Christian ex-girlfriend was into public sex. As you listened to him you wondered if it wouldn't have been easier for you to just stay single. So you deleted all the apps and decided that you won't be going on any more dates any time soon.

And now Pepper has been pestering you about her boss.

Tony Stark.

In all honesty, a date with him worried you. He was a billionare, while you just made your first million, and you came from a humble home, still feeling weird and queasy when attending anything remotely fancy. The thought of dating a rich old(er) man confused you. There was a 7 year age gap, which doesn't seem much, but you've been dating guys your own age your entire life. And none of them could've ever imagined being as rich as you. Let alone as Tony Stark.

"Just go out on a date. I'm not asking you to marry him." Pepper pressed. Tony has been driving her insane, working at all hours, meaning that she was also working insane hours. So she figured...maybe if Tony gets a girlfriend, he'll sleep once in a while. And who would be better suited for him than her sharp-tongued and a newly turned millionare friend who was into robots almost as much as he was.

She has been trying for weeks to get you to agree. She didn't worry that much about Tony. If she was to mention a woman, he was on that subject immediately, requesting a date.

You, on the other hand, with your string of very bad dates...you were the tough cookie.

"One date." You stated.

"One date. If you like him, more dates, but for now let's go with one." Pepper smiled.

And then Natasha got involved. The sensual, no holding back friend that also knew Tony was "tasked" with your make-over. Not like in the movies make-over, the kind where she went through your closet and told you what to wear. She pulled out the black dress that was reserved for fancy dinners. Not a first date.

"He's a man. Not like the boys that you have been going out with. You need to pique his interest and you're not going to achieve that wearing those disgusting jeans." Natasha commented as she glanced at the jeans that you were wearing at that moment.

"He's dubbed as the playboy." You conutered.

"That's because playman doesn't exsist. Now go change."

As it turned out, the first date was actually really good. You actually had a good time. Tony picked you up himself and you went to a new art exhibition at the Met, followed by a dinner and a ride home. As you were about to exit his car, Tony took your hand and kissed the back of it.

"Thank you for the lovely time." He said with a smirk.

"Thank you as well. But please, let me get the next one." You smiled back as he let go of your hand.

"Deal. I do hope you forget that you promised to pick the tab."

"I don't forget things, Tony." You smiled before wishing him a good night.

As the weeks went on, you met with him several times. It was always interesting and you spent hours talking and he even made you laugh. You could feel hope and contentment bloom in your chest. That little anticipation whenever he called or texted.

And then it all came crashing down. You noticing that he started getting cold. He was texting less, no face times were requested. It just died down.

"He's busy with work." Pepper told you over the phone. Tony has been holed up in his lab for days, barely getting out of that room.

It's not like you weren't busy as well. You also had a demanding job and a life outside of it. And you understood the fact that he gets sicked into work, you knew from experience, but this was different. It hurt, because you got your hopes up. That he'd be different. And he was, much different than all other guys, but this time around you might've gotten attached. Which has never happened and it made you mad. Mad at yourself for feeling this, mad at him for doing this to you, mad at everything.

"I don't care how busy he is." You responded.

"Just be patient, he has never taken this much time for a woman before."

"That's because he immediately sleeps with them." You rolled your eyes, pacing around your still empty apartment.

"You still haven't slept with him?" Pepper stopped walking.

"Of course not."

"What do you mean of course not?"

"We barely spent 18 hours all together." Saying that aloud made your blood boil. How the hell were you feeling this way after 18 hours.

"You talk everyday, what do you mean it's been 18 hours? And so what?"

"I don't sleep with men I don't know. And if this is how he acts in everyday life, I think it's better I stop seeing him altogether."

"If you gave him a reason to continue trying it'd be for the best."

"If he's not interested in me with what he already knows, sleeping with me is not going to pique his interest. I'm done, Pepper. I'm not the type to sit at home and wait for a man's text. I don't care what his profession or reason is. This isn't me, nor is this my style."

You hung up the phone and angrily stared at the blank walls and the pile of boxes waiting for you to unpack them.

I can't believe that I'm feeling bad because of a man. You groaned before taking off your jumper and started unpacking. You put your phone on silent and threw it in the bedroom, away from your reach. You noticed how much it put you in a bad mood when you saw 0 messages from Tony.

It must've been a couple of hours when the doorbell broke your concentration. You made significant progress as almost all the boxes have been unpacked. In all honesty, you were mildly annoyed that you were abruptly taken out of your flow state as only 2 boxes remained.

"Why are you ignoring me?" Tony asked as you opened your front door, getting startled as you saw him standing there.

"What are you doing here?"

"You were not taking my calls. Can I come in?" He didn't wait for your answer and entered your apartment.

"I've been unpacking. And also that's rich coming from the man that has been steadily ignoring me for the past two weeks." You rolled your eyes.

Tony started opening your kitchen cabinets, looking through them. "Do you have any coffee? I could use a cup about now."

"You're not staying that long. And my coffee would be wasted on you." You snatched your speciality coffee from his hands.

"Why are you angry?"

"Because you showed up at my door, entered my apartment without my permission, and are now snopping around my personal things."

"You were angry before that." Tony pointed out and leaned on the windowsill.

"I was annoyed. Now I'm angry and annoyed." You glared at him.

"Okay. Why were you annoyed?"

"Because I feel like you're playing games." You confronted him.

"Regarding?"

"Me."

"I'm not playing games. At least not that I know of. Do you want to play?" Tony smirked and winked at you, making you roll your eyes. "Can you tell me what's got you upset?" He crossed his arms.

"It's been two weeks since we spoke. And then you show up at my place, accusing me of ignoring you."

"I was busy at the lab."

"I understand. I get how quickly you can get sucked up in work, I've been there. But I've never ignored someone I was interested in. A clear deduction from that is that you're not interested in me. Which is fine, but then you don't get to show up at my place, demanding attention. You don't get to act hot and cold and expect me to go along with it. I have an ego too. And also you pride yourself with being direct however you love playing games. There are hundreds of women who would love to play games with you, but I'm not one of them. I take no pride in becoming one of the notches on your belt."

"Great speech, a couple of things, though, if I may correct you." Tony straightened and walked towards you slowly. "I am interested in you. That's a given. How could I not be? Secondly I am direct and as such I can tell you right now that the reason why I was holed up in the lab for two weeks with no contact was because I needed to finish something before focusing on you. I want to spend more time with you. Take a trip or two." He paused for a second. "And have sex with you."

You let out a snort, feeling your face heat up slightly.

"Lots of sex." He was standing right in front of you, staring into your eyes. It made you insanely nervous, making your skin crawl, but in a good way (?).

"You made your point." You found your voicebut you knew it sounded breathless.

"Did I?" Tony asked before tipping your chin up and kissing you.

It was such a good kiss. God, you haven't been kissed this good in such a long time. Your hands pulled at his collar, trying to bring him closer to you, and together, you stumbled backward until his hand extended behind you, slowly pushing you into the kitchen wall and preventing your head colliding with the hard surface.

As you separated to catch a breath, Tony stared at you. "Still doubting my interest?"

"No." You replied firmly before reaching for him again.

Thank you for reading 😊

The GIF doesn't belong to me, belongs to the amazing creator 😊

My first Tony story! 🙌

[mar3ggiata]

professional help, c5. preview

simon riley x original character.

abstract: hi this is Simon. okay, before you read this, I'm gonna say this once and never repeat it again. maybe she was right. don't tell her I told you, and don't you dare even remember anything I said in this stupid chapter. 

trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, mentions of rape, trauma, sexual themes, swearing, use of alcohol and drugs, awful deaths.

song to listen to when reading this: Heartbeat, Childish Gambino.

He had thought about Jude quite a bit. He knew nothing about her, but she made an impression on him. She was interesting. He wanted to know if she was still angry at him, for what he said. He thought a lot if he had been too rude, and he always settled on a no. He had fun, played a bit, picked a little fight. He was sure she could handle it, she didn't seem like the type to get offended easily.

He made it a mission to find out things about her. He wanted to know if she still lived in that apartment he saw a year prior, the layout of her house. Did she live alone? Maybe she had a boyfriend. How old was she? Knowing so little about this girl drove him mad. She had an intriguing presence, she was captivating. And she always seemed to crash important events. This time she didn't bother knocking on the briefing room door. She came straight in. This time she really looked like death.

'He didn't show up' she said, not waiting for anyone to speak.

Jude interrupted him, and frankly, ha quite hoped she would. 'I'm going with them'. Him and Price spoke at the same time 'You're not'. We're not out here playing spies. She didn't flinch. 'I am!'

'You're gonna tell us if you see him, 'kay?' he instructed, strapping his vest tighter on his chest. 'Sure'. They were passing by a few shops, a gas station, a mechanic shop. 'How long have you been working here?' Gaz was really interested into making conversation hu? Simon was driving silently, his foot lingering on the brakes just in case he spotted something. 'Two years' she replied. Her tone was soft unlike when she had talked to him. Her voice was warm. Not really the time to get to know each other, guys...

notes: hi... I'm very tired. I've been thinking about LIFE a lot lately. I've worked all weekend (waitressing) I'm still trying to deal with having a million exams, my ex is messaging me and I don't like one of my girlfriends anymore. life feels weird these days. I can't really get which emotions I'm feeling. I feel like I've neglected this story, I'm still posting chapters that I wrote months ago but I will have to continue at some point... and I love this story and I love Jude and I want to continue, it's 9.11 pm and I'm ready for bed guys I'm not playing with you. I'm sorry if chapter four was a bit shit. and I don't have a picture for chapter 5, I promise I will make one asap. and try not to explode. have a good night/day, full chapter on Saturday!

love, mare.

taglist:

@ummmmmwat @ghostlythots @sweetfemmefatal @natxpat @chavarriakeren647 @ravenmoore14 @farther-than-pleiades @internallyscreamings @hwromi @atoxicrat @cuti3maddi3 @deafeningkittenblaze @its-celeste @serene-hills @lexidoll12 @poohkie90 @lunatiquess

@warmedbythebody @katzykat @iristhemuse @azkza @keiraslayz @abbyandermine @jennyjencakes @dest-nai @corset-briefs @nutze-kekse @ilytsukiw @b3anspr0ut

@pondsblog @missyouzoe @fallenkitten @bigauthorrascalturkey @bethtay @angelynn-nicole @starluv @stargirlisworld @giyuuslittleslut @impossiblecupcakelight

@rkrivees-blog @ghosts-hoe @kam1snotverysmart @gauky76 @freyjaaasstuff @spicyspicyliving @scottpilgrimvsmyfists @courtney0-0 @shinchanboi @darling006 @my-therapist-hates-me

[just--vi]

2023 in fanfic!!

i wrote my first full fanfic in 2023 after coming back to fandom after a long hiatus. in all i've written over 240,000 words which is just nuts. it made me some incredible friends and incredible mutuals who i hope to turn into friends. i started with the loves of my life (wolfstar!!) and discovered some new loves (jegulus has the key to my heart) and came up with a million future fic ideas

goals for 2024 include: write something that isn't a muggle au, convince everyone to ship moonchaser (jk... or am i), write more smutty one shots, read more!!! (gimme your best recs)

if you'd like to see what i've written, click below...

love by the seaside - april 23 / august 23

Remus is an artist who, after a particularly messy breakup, finds himself drawn to the Cornish coast. His fresh start is disrupted, however, when he meets someone who reminds him an awful lot of his ex-boyfriend. (multi-chapter, complete, 42,126 words, wolfstar with background jily)

you're losing me - may 23

Although they're desperate not to, Remus and Sirius just can't quite keep from falling apart. (one-shot | 3,898 | wolfstar | canon compliant)

young blood - may 23 / november 23

After Regulus spends a difficult year alone with their parents, Sirius convinces him to spend his last summer before college on a road trip with him and his closest friends. The very last thing he's expecting is for his feelings for Sirius' best friend to resurface with a vengeance (and he certainly isn't expecting them to be returned). As it turns out, he and James aren't the only ones dealing with complicated emotions. Sirius has just returned from a year long trip abroad and Remus is having a difficult reconciling with just how much he's missed him. Or, a coming of age road trip AU full of angst, fluff, healing family trauma and navigating old feelings. (multi-chapter | complete | 71,029 words)

a weekend at crystal lake - october 23 / october 23

A group of recent college graduates set off to a cabin in the woods for one last hurrah before going their separate ways. As the weekend goes on, it becomes increasingly clear that they aren't alone out there. This is horror-themed AU featuring our favourite Marauders where (almost) everyone dies. This is a fic written for Halloween, with scheduled weekly (sometimes twice weekly) updates until October 31st. Enjoy! It's basically angst and smut with a little bit of fluff as a treat. (multi-chapter | complete | 24,166 words)

under the glow of neon lights - november 23

Pure smut. Regulus, Remus, and James fuck in a dingy club bathroom (and then carry on fucking at home xo). (one-shot | 4,429 words | remus x regulus x james)

the weather outside is frightful - december 23 / december 23

James takes it upon himself to drag Regulus home for Christmas and an unexpected snow storm rolls in, stranding them together over the holiday with no lights, no power, and no heat. (multi-chapter | 15,726 | jegulus )

for the love of ducks - september 23 / present

Remus Lupin has always been sick, and he'd just like to feel normal for once. Sirius Black seems like the perfect man with a perfect, exciting life. (multi-chapter | ongoing | wolfstar with background jily)

where the light gets in - july 23 / present

Remus Lupin splits from the Marauders after a bitter feud with frontman Sirius Black; Famous brothers Sirius and Regulus Black haven't set foot in the same room in seven years; Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadowes enter a rivalry for the ages… at least, that’s the media’s side of the story. Scandal, heartbreak, and bitter rivalries. But how much truth is there to the rumours? (multi-chapter | ongoing | wolfstar, jegulus, dorlene centric)

the little blue house on main street - november 23 / present

A coming of age university AU in which Regulus Black struggles to navigate his feelings for his brother's best friend, Sirius Black struggles to navigate his sexuality, and the whole lot of them struggle to navigate growing up. (multi-chapter | ongoing | wolfstar, jegulus, pandalily/marylily)

[morganski-19]

Steddie Week Day 2: Angst

@steddie-week

apparently, I can never leave things as a one-shot so today's submission is a continuation of yesterday's. tomorrow's will also be a continuation of this idea so I will properly link it all once it is done.

part 1, part 3

Steve walks up to Eddie’s trailer, muttering small encouragements under his breath. It’s no big deal, just him and Eddie alone. No one to take his focus away or distract him before he says something stupid. No, just him and Eddie in an empty trailer, alone. 

He knows exactly what’s going to happen. Eddie’s going to say something nice like he always does, and Steve is going to flush. Struggle to find something to say in return and instead, just make a total fool of himself and say something too far. Eddie will laugh it off like he does and it returns back to the comfortable silence between two good friends. 

Because it totally wasn’t awkward to just sit in silence with someone while skirting off touches and trying too hard not to stare that you just end up doing it anyway. Totally not awkward. 

All Steve hopes is that he can get through one night without spiraling. Being around Eddie was enough, he can’t let his mind wander to places he knows he’ll never come back from. If he leans into the touch that Eddie loves to give or the smile that seems to form whenever Steve is around, there will be no coming back from that. He’ll tell Eddie how he feels and how he wants this to be more. But it can’t. 

Eddie didn’t like Steve like that. Hell, Steve didn’t even know if he liked guys. Under the assumption that he did, Steve couldn’t help but think that he was so not what Eddie’s type would be. He couldn’t imagine a metalhead dating a preppy ex-jock like him. No, he’d go for someone a bit more rough around the edges. Someone who liked the same music and movies, who didn’t have to stop and ask a million questions every time he talked about something Steve didn’t understand. Someone who didn’t have bad days where his head just couldn’t stop spinning and any small noise made him want to throw up. 

Someone who wasn’t Steve. Because Steve seemed to mess up every relationship he’s ever been in, and he didn’t want to mess up whatever he had with Eddie. 

He knocks on the trailer door, taking a deep breath before putting on a smile he knows is fake. There is stumbling around coming from inside the trailer before the door whips open, Eddie greeting Steve with his big smile. “Stevie, glad to see you actually showed up.”

“I said I would, didn’t I,” he says, trying to be playful but just coming off annoyed. 

Eddie rolls his eyes. “With the way you’ve been avoiding me the past few weeks, I was waiting for a phone call with an excuse.” He leads Steve into the house, shutting the door behind them. “But here you are, and as promised. The late tapes.”

He holds out a stack of two tapes. “There’s supposed to be three,” Steve comments as he takes the tapes out of Eddie’s hands. 

“I am well aware of that. I thought we could watch that one since I know you’re not a fan of horror. Don’t want to have to hold you’re hand when you get too scared.”

The lump returns in Steve’s throat. “Thanks,” he squeaks out, unable to find a response that would make him look better. He really does hate horror movies. 

Eddie brushes him off. “What are friends for, right? Go on, settle in. I’m getting a beer, want one?”

Steve gives him a small nod and focuses on the couch, sitting in his normal spot. Eddie wanders off to the kitchen, muttering something Steve can’t make out under his breath. 

Friends. Steve and Eddie were friends, nothing more. He knew that, forced himself to recognize it on a daily basis. It used to bring him some happiness, knowing that he at least had Eddie in his life. But as they got close, the affection he had for the other man only grew. Now being around him hurt. 

Because Eddie would throw around words not knowing how they would affect Steve. Calling him nicknames that bordered on the line of romantic. Calling him sweetheart or princess just to crawl under his skin, but them having the opposite effect, only making Steve flush instead of getting annoyed. Saying “It’s a date” when they both knew it wasn’t. It was just a regular hangout, but Eddie would call it that just to tease him. 

And Steve couldn’t stop his reactions. His face would betray him as blood rushed to it, painting his face red. His throat would close up with a lump so big that he could barely get a word out. Insides tying up in a knot only to remind him that he was so out of his comfort zone. 

He doesn’t really know why he acts like this, usually acting so smooth and confident around the people he likes. Maybe because there was always the knowledge in the back of his head that if he struck out with the next girl, there would probably be one that wanted him. Even when he was constantly striking out, he never was short on finding words, instead, they just flew out of his mouth in the most awkward way possible. But he was Steve Harrington then, that at least got him something. 

That something didn’t work with Eddie. His ‘Harrington Charm’ was put on the sidelines when the other man was around. Because when Steve was around Eddie, he wasn’t ‘Steve Harrington the old king of Hawkins High’. He was just Steve, plain old Steve who was traumatized and hurt beyond what any other person his age has been. Steve who was fragile and gentle in all the right ways. Steve who was insecure about his appearance and wondered who could see through the cracks of his mask enough to see that he’s not who he claims to be. 

Eddie never saw that though, even though the mask tends to slip whenever Steve was around him. Because out of all the things Eddie did, he never pitied Steve for his pain, never made him feel less than for having a bad day. Never expected anything more from Steve that he couldn’t give, only wanted what he could. He just wanted to be around Steve for Steve. 

It was so easy to fall for Eddie because of that. How could he not? It sometimes felt that there were only two people in the world who knew who Steve really was, Robin and Eddie. The two people he could be himself around and would never get any judgment from. And Robin was his platonic soulmate, it only made sense that the other person would take the other side of his heart. 

“Alright, Stevie,” Eddie plops down on the couch and hands Steve a beer, clanking their bottle together. “Let’s watch this thing.”

Eddie tosses his arm across the back of the couch, hand ghosting over Steve’s shoulder. He shifts, pulling away from the touch he so wants to sink into. “Yeah,” he mumbles. “Let’s watch it.”

[cup1dt3a]

Love Letter’s pt.1

Ace and Deuce or their infamous nickname Adeuce. The two of them are also known to be the trouble makers of the campus along with many many other infamous nicknames due to their disagreements. But the one thing they could both agree on but never admit is their crush on the so called perfect of ramshackle. (Y/n) was what the school called a helpful but odd person. A very odd person for that matter at NRC.

For they wielded no magic, no special traits, or even powers. The only magical thing most thought they had was their ability to withstand the treacherous overblots throughout the school year. But not to Ace and Deuce. No, to the two boys they were one in a million. A brave, kind-hearted, and beautiful person who never gives up. In their eyes (Y/n) couldn’t even harm a fly, but they both admired the perfect beyond anyones belief. But the two were hopeless when it came close to even express their feelings for the perfect.

For instance Deuces juvenile background would always haunt him but make him want to work harder on being someone who his mother could be proud of. And hopefully the perfect too. Ace on the other hand had only dated once in his short life, but got very easily bored after what felt to him years of his ex constantly nagging him. So he wonders if this time it’ll be different because it’s you. But even though the twos insecurities don’t get the better of them their only problem is each other. In constant competition for your attention. The other members of the group wonder how much harder they have to sigh or roll their eyes in order for the both of them to take a hint and just say they love them for the love of god already.

This leads us to present day at the lunch table as Ace and Deuce impatiently wait for the perfect to show up. Ace’s constant tapping and Deuces constant looks around the lunch room was annoying the trio once again. Jack gave the two knowing glances once again as if trying to get one of them to say something. Sebek was the first to finally snap at the two.

“ Can you both please give it a break already?” he sneered at them fed up with their sad puppy eyes. The two only gave him confused looks.

“ What do you mean “huh” all week you have both been poorly flirting or fighting each other over the human!” he once again snapped at the two love-sick boys who were now blushing.

“ Pffft! As if I would ever like the perfect!” Ace awkwardly laughed at the smaller boys remark.

Meanwhile Deuce only sat there and blushed not denying anything. The trio rolled their eyes at his remark.

“ Wait.. your not denying it at all… Do you seriously have a crush on them?” Ace teased the bluenett.

“Wow! You might as well go and confess since you have no competition.” Epel sarcastically told Deuce as the foolish boy took it seriously.

“ That’s a great idea Epel thank you!” Deuce thanked him as he rushed away with his tray. While Ace panicked and rushed after the fast boy.

Rubbing their temples Jack sighed ” Well at least we won’t have to deal with that anymore.”

Meanwhile a very confused perfect came to the table to only witness an Ace and Deuce running out of the cafeteria shoving each other constantly out the door. While hearing an Ace scream “ Not if I confess to them first asshole!”

As the Blue haired boy rushed down the hallway to look for you he then realized he had no plan on how to confess to you at all. Or even deal with romance. As he stopped in the middle of the hallway for his search for you. The red head had finally caught up with the Blue haired boy after he accidentally shoved him too hard leaving him for dead.

“ Ha! did you chicken out already?” Ace chuckled at the blue haired boy.

“ No! I just… why does it matter to you?”Deuce snapped.

“ It doesn’t matter to me…just curious that’s all.” He replied.

“ I bet you don’t even have a plan to confess to them!” Ace exclaimed as the other boy argued back.

As the two boys bickering went on the bell pierced the boys ears as the hallways soon flooded. With both of them thinking “ I have no idea how to confess at all.”

As classes ended the two were still pondering what to do. They had no idea what or even how to confess. So they thought of the best idea that could help. To ask their Senpai’s. What could go wrong the two clueless boys thought as everything could.

Deuce decided to ask Cater and his solution was a love letter.

For and I quote “ Well, since you can bearly tell or express your feelings without becoming a blushing mess… How about you write them a cute little love letter! “

And then on Cater being the good senpai he is helped poor Deuce write his feelings even though he still became a blushing mess over writing.

Ace decided to ask Trey for advice because Trey was his only option at that point. And also due to him not wanting to run into an angry Riddle again. Just because he once again broke one little rule, but in his defense there are too many to keep up with.

Along with the magicam obsessed Cater no where to be seen. Only if he looked a littler harder would he see them outside. And so on Trey’s advice was to write them a letter or go ahead and confess to them after classes. Ace choose to write a letter just to try and be a bit more romantic then just saying “ Hey I like you date me Perfect” For when he tried his confession on Trey the man only sighed.

Alas the sun soon set and the boys letters had soon been written.

The next day as the two boys headed for the Perfect’s locker. Which was easy to find for it was the oldest and most worn out due to the other person who owned it had anger issues and fire magic. (P.S it was not riddle). But as the two came upon your locker they had then came upon each other.

“ What are you doing at the perfects locker?” Ace questioned the bluenett.

“ I’m just waiting for the perfect… I agreeed to walk with them to class.” Deuce replied awkwardly looking away.

“ Cool…” Ace said as their eyes met with each other’s and soon a fight broke out between the two of them. As the two tried shoving their own notes in while arguing back in forth who should put their letter in.

They soon stopped as someone said “ What are you two doing?”

The perfect questioned as they patted the lazy cat that lied on their shoulder.

“ Nothing!” The two exclaimed as Ace accidentally managed to shove his and Deuces letters in the locker.

The tired perfect payed no mind to their friends antics as the weasel around their shoulders kept whining for food. As if the poor fat weasel has been starved for days. The perfect sighed as they offered for the two boys to come with them to shut up the weasel. To which the both of them agreed without hesitation.

It had felt like the day would never once again end. For being the “ Perfect of Ramshackle “ was no piece of cake. For almost every moment you had someone Overbloting, having too much trauma, and Crowley never giving you a break. And the dramatic crow could never even have the decency to help get you accustomed to this strange new world. The traumatized students were your only hope. But besides that your friends Ace and Deuce could always put a smile on your face from their stupidity.

For where they lacked brains they made up for it in heart. Even though Ace could sometimes be a bit of a bitch. And Deuce well he was a sweetheart to be honest Ace just loved to test his luck with the blue haired boy so much.

As you thought about the two idiots you felt with besides grim while you rummaged through your damaged locker two bent letters you had never seen before. One with a huge heart sticker holding the envelope closed; the other didn’t have an envelope but was just a note that got bent in half and folded hot dog style. Along with your name on it.

The bent envelope with a heart on it had deep and meaningful words about how much this person loved you and would love if you would also meet them at the gate for a bike ride along the beach at 5pm tomorrow. It made your heart flush at all the sweet things said in the letter. Meanwhile the bent note wasn’t as meaningful and said to meet them at 5pm tomorrow at the rose garden in Heartslabuyl. But still was very sweet as it was said throughout the note how much this person also adored you. Still making your heart flutter a bit more. It almost made you giddy at how sweet the two letters were.

“ Henchman!!! The great Grim isn’t gonna hold all these…what’s that?” The mischievous cat asked at they yanked the heartfelt notes from your hands.

“Oooooo! The Henchman has two secret admirers!” The weasel awed taunting you as your cheeks fumed reder them riddles from the annoying cats actions and that they took your letters.

“ Give those back you stupid weasel!” You hollard as the cat ran away out of fear with the notes in hand or paw in this matter.

“ Wait so your telling me that Ace asked you for advice on confessing to the perfect?” Cater asked the vice dorm leader.

“ Yeah… please tell me you also didn’t tell Deuce to write them a letter.” Trey said as Cater then chuckled.

“ Welp… I did and there is no going back now. Did you tell them to have them meet up at 5 pm too?” Cater asked.

“ Sadly Yes again.” Trey sighed.

“ DAMINT!” Cater said.

Who will the perfect pick stay tuned to find out! hope your all doing well and that your days get better if they aren’t well! CupidTea signing off ༺♥︎༻

[futurewriter2000]

My father is a greedy man. Material wealth is all the wealth he knows. He knows what is it like to have things that you can touch and use. When he cannot use people like that, it frustrates him because emotional wealth and mental wealth went downhill for him when he failed to perserve it.

I blame him for a lot of things but I forgave him. I truly did... for the things he did in the past. For the things he is doing in the present, I don't need to forgive him because I only pity him.

Yet, today I heard myself say "Throw me away like my ex did. Like trash." as a joke to a friend. She looked at me and said why would I say that. Truly... because I feel that way. I felt like he threw me away like trash and he did. Now, my ex did know how to use people. He knew how to use me, my goodness and my loving heart and I let him. I let him treat me that way and I blame myself for letting that happen. Because I never learned how to be treated by somebody who doesn't want to use you. So I turn a blind eye and I walk away. Lately I have been hiding. I have been hiding from my pain and my pain is exactly what's been hurting me. So I fail my obligations and I dig myself a hole in my bed and I rot in there. I sink into a deep dark hole of very much so dark thoughts and I rot.

I can't cry... not since he threw me away. I don't trust- I have no energy to deal but lately I have been feeling abandoned. So who should I blame because lately I am sick and tired of taking responsibilities for my part of the take. I want to say "You hurt me!" not "I let you hurt me."

But once you go into the hole of self-blaming, there is literally no way out because you are in this endless cycle of what you did and why you did it. So you analyze and it all comes back to that one greedy person in your life who never thought you of your own self-worth. Was I never important to my father? Was I never enough for him because I wasn't money, alcohol or a thing to give him something he craved. I look exactly like him- his side of the family and that never won me anything except self-hatred. I have his hands, who he inherited from my grandmother. I have black eyes, black hair and his mischivious smile. Do I hate it? Yes, I do. I want it ripped off me. I want to never be related to him or his side of the family. But why do I have to be the antagonist of my own story?

My mind is a mess. This black and grey mess. I talk down on myself every single time after I see my ex with the girl he threw me away for. I always say I left- I did but why do I still feel like he's the one who threw me away? He treated me awfully and still he acts like I'm the villian. It deletes all the appreciation, the good things I have done for a person I truly care about. I would have given him the world. I gave him my soul and my body and still that wasn't enough. I was his therapist and his best friend. We laughed, talked and we even fucked. We had something you dream about when you're a kid and now I think back and wonder was that even real? Or was it real only for me?

God, this boy destroyed me in ways not even my father did. Still I pray for him, still I bless him, still I wish him all the good and I get shit in return.

I deleted the messages and then I recovered one back because I cannot deal. I cannot deal of losing him forever, when he treated me like unworthy piece of material. Like a cloth he wiped his sins off.

I want to scream "I'm sorry! Please, come back!" but I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry for what I did but I am sorry that I hurt him. I hurt him once after he hurt me a million times. I sunk to his level to bring myselg up and I saved myself because that was the only way to do. He didn't care about me. He cared about himself and the sex he would have with his girlfriend now. I was just... there... for him... and that wasn't enough.

Why do I hurt still?

Why can't I move on?

Why do I still love somebody who hurt me?

[asleepinawell]

i'm in some sort of Mood about finishing the kh series (for a given value of finished) since I've been playing it since kh1 on ps2 a million years ago but instead of dealing with that i'm going to write my mini retrospective of the titles based on my replay

rest below the line

kh1

story - 7/10. it wasn't the most interesting but it was the first and laid the groundwork for the series. maleficent had a lot of screentime which is always a big plus. love her evil ass. it's also the start of the 'kairi never gets to do anything ever and gets kidnapped every time she tries' persisting problem in the whole series

gameplay - 6/10. feels a bit clunky now in comparison to some of the newer ones. it was harder than some later ones, but mostly because of wonky control issues and not great boss fights. but it's very playable and fun still. mushrooms do a little dance and shake their butt at you. i will never not feel nostalgic about traverse town music. THANK GOD YOU CAN SKIP THE PRE FIGHT CUTSCENES ON RETRIES NOW OH MY GOD YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE ONE BEFORE THE DARK RIKU FIGHT WAS LIKE TEN MINUTES AND BACK IN THE DAY YOU HAD TO REWATCH IT EVERY TIME AAHHHHJHHH *i am tranquilized and removed from the room*

re: chain of memories

story - 8/10. i love the focus on the organization 13 internal drama. bitches are running around bad mouthing and killing each other. larxene is a constant joy. marluxia is pretty and goes swish swish and makes flowers. axel was an instant fave. zexion is a shitty twink and i do so love shitty twinks. there was some disney stuff too i guess

gameplay - 2/10. the first time i played it my brother was crashing at my apartment and watching me play and got very into making cool deck combos. so i had him do that for me and i did the combat and the fun sibling shenanigans got me through it. this time i quit after thirty minutes and watched the cutscenes on youtube. it's just so repetitive and meh

358/2 days

story - 7/10. that's too many soras! put some back! story was a bit slow at times but i did enjoy seeing the daily life of the organization and axel/saïx handling their divorce so so well. needed more demyx

gameplay - it's packaged as a movie now so i did not replay the game and can't fairly rate it. i remember it being not the best combat but not terrible for a ds game

kh2

story - 8/10. it would get higher but the fact the beginning is incomprehensible if you haven't played com and 358 loses it some points....i had not played com when i got kh2 and boy howdy. it made more sense on the replay of course and yeah it's a good story. obsessed with how maleficent remains one of the main recurring characters in this series and just Does Shit from time to time because why not. god forbid women do anything etc. also the gay divorce continues to go terribly. saïx is handling this so well i say as he goes into berserk mode again. needed more riku screentime tho

gameplay - 9/10. huge upgrade from previous titles. it was very fun and fluid. the form shifts were a great addition. there were a lot of options but it didn't feel overwhelming or like it disrupted combat. my only real complaint was it felt a bit too on rails at some parts... like cutscene, battle, walk three steps repeat. oh and i hated the gummi missions but i am a gummi hater in general. oh also antiform was amazing. sora can turn into a feral creature... as a treat

birth by sleep

story - 10/10. fuck i love birth by sleep. aqua my beloved daughter who is the most terrifying keyblade master ever. terra my troubled son who got fucked over by shitty adults on an hourly basis. ven the thousand year old little kid who has never caught a break once. also hey it's xehanort and he also has ex husband drama. only note is that aqua should get to say fuck

gameplay - 10/10. the command deck was right up my alley and command forms were the best form gameplay they've done. i loved how all three kids had a unique style and abilities. i loved melding cards and gems to make new cards. i enjoyed playing monopoly. i thought it was the best game in the series when i first played it and that remains true

re:coded

story - 6/10. it was okay? it was largely a rehash but did add a few things. my friend and i kept saying welcome back alvis whenever data riku used a computer so that was fun

gameplay - this was also presented as a movie in the bundle so i won't score it. i don't even remember how it was from way back when i played it

dream drop distance

story- 9/10. the games that switch between multiple perspectives seem to be my favorites and i think it's partly that it makes the story more interesting. the time traveling norts were a bit wtf but that's just an inescapable part of the series. inspired me to get twewy which i will be playing next. MEOW WOW!!!!!

gameplay - 9/10. flowmotion was really neat and fit the style well. i loved the pokemon aspect so much you have no idea. i was a little sad you couldn't meld command cards but it would have been Too Much with all the other stuff going on. a few fights near the end had some really dumb mechanics (the type where when you look up a guide it just says good luck) but there were also some excellent ones. i do think it lost a little something in the port because the stylus on 3ds was important. however there is nothing is quite as satisfying as seeing meow wow hit xehanort with giant bouncy orbs so I'm willing to forgive it a lot

union x/back cover/dark road

story - 9/10. i was shocked how much i enjoyed the story of these. i got very invested and i was only watching the cutscenes, not playing. really interesting world building and the master of masters was an instant fave. one of the only kh titles that passes (barely) the bechdel somehow. also could be retitled as kh: dead kids, because boy did a lot of kids die! extra points for maleficent managing to set major events in motion twice and being very eh whatever about it. love her for that. and the backstory of the xehanort/eraqus divorce, of course. i love a good divorce

gameplay - didn't play this one, just watched ELEVEN HOURS of cutscenes. no longer available which is hilarious considering how much important lore is in it that is referenced in kh3. hopefully they make it into a single player offline game someday with better gameplay

fragmentary passage

story - 8/10. very short but filled in some gaps. i love aqua so i was predisposed to love this one

gameplay - 8/10. it felt like a rough draft for kh3 and that meant it didn't have all the annoying extra crap kh3 added in and played pretty smoothly. i liked the little puzzles. it was a unique game and i enjoyed it more than i expected

kh3

story - 6/10. the fact i had to sit through entire disney movies worth of cutscenes brings the score way down. we did not need to see 3 musical numbers in frozen. if i wanted that I'd watch the movie. i just wanted to play the damn game. the majority of the game is sora got benched and has to get his groove back which was very disappointing for the climatic finale to the series. once i got into the end game though it was much better (i would rate the later game stuff way above a 6 which just makes my frustration with earlier stuff worse). re:mind added in the bits i felt were missing and i came away satisfied overall with the wrap up. axel/saïx had divorce arc three and then got back together finally 🏳️‍🌈🥂🎉. xehanort/eraqus also got back together as they fucked off to be gay in the afterlife. finally we are free of the norts (OR ARE WE???) and the master and the foretellers are slated to come back next from the looks of things. maleficent continues to hang out in the wings waiting for opportunities to #girlboss and I'm excited too see what cataclysmic events she sets off next

so that's it. i did watch the brief melody of a memory scenes but there wasn't too much new there. i may watch the cs from the missing link beta at some point. otherwise it's back to my life long journey of waiting for the next title to drop

gameplay - 5/10. ugh. i bought the game when it came out but between the full length disney movies and the over saturated gameplay gimmicks i didn't get far. this time i powered through and by the end i was enjoying it for the most part because I'd figured out what things to ignore and how to avoid them. attractions were the worst addition to gameplay ever. everything was too flashy. way too many instances of being locked in a "cool" transition animation instead of actually doing combat which broke up the flow of things. i missed the command deck and how much it let you customize your play style. i didn't like the keys being locked to command forms as much as the bbs forms since it meant if you had a keyblade with better stats but hated the special on it you were kinda fucked. this became less of a problem as the game went but was still annoying. overall felt like a step back from the others. they tried to do too much. oh also why were there ten thousand instances of having to learn new controls for some new mini game in every area??? just let me hit things i am begging you. it really felt like they went for cool spectacles over satisfying gameplay

general notes on all of them: i enjoyed the story much more this time due to being able to play them in order. the fact they all released on different platforms originally made the complicated story even more confusing since i couldn't afford to buy a new system every time a new one came out. i really hope they veer away from that practice in the future but i kinda doubt it especially since they've got another mobile game lined up already. while the disney stories were fun early on it felt like the story outgrew them (except for the characters who were in the main story as well like mickey and maleficent) and they were kinda a drag by 3. i doubt they can move away from those since they're the whole gimmick of the series but it would be better imo. deeply worried they'll start bringing in newer disney acquisitions.

one of my biggest complaints about the series has always been how few female characters there are and how little many of them are used. it got slightly better later in the series but overall was still not great, especially for kairi. i kept wondering if they added stuff for her in re:mind due to complaints about this.... the dlc felt like an apology for several things tbh. aqua was great but she shouldn't be the only one and even she got upstaged in kh3 when she's supposed to be the third most powerful keyblade master. weirdly enough maleficent was probably the best written female character. really wild how much she wove into the plot and affected events so much without even trying to (especially in union x). she should fire pete though (i think she should hire demyx)

I'd like to see them let you play as characters other than sora more often since that was always really neat (he's had a billion games to himself now). I'd love a kairi and aqua game but i can imagine square and disney both clutching their pearls over female protagonists

something i noticed was that playing them when i was older i liked sora much better. when i started the series as a teenager i found him annoying. as an adult i have more sympathy and tolerance for teenaged boys who are Going Through It. growth or something

[im-a-matt-girl]

"Camera"

It's ironic, isn't it? That I fell for you, a YouTube star, of all people. I hate being on camera. I don't even take selfies, like most people my age do. It's not even that I'm particularly insecure about my looks, I just... don't want any attention.

You have millions of followers on social media, and you post pictures and videos of yourself for all the world to see, every day. So many people react to them, telling you how attractive you are, and I always wonder how that makes you feel. It would mortify me.

We're sitting in the car, and I'm in the passenger's seat next to you. Your brothers are in the back seat, and your right arm is around my shoulders while you steer with your left hand.

"Say 'hi' to the camera!" Chris says, pointing his phone at us.

"Chris, get that thing out of her face!" you say, reaching back and knocking the phone out of his hand.

"Whoa, calm down!" Chris says, getting visibly upset. "I wasn't gonna post it, you know that. I was just gonna text it to you and then delete it."

You roll your eyes and shake your head. "You know she doesn't like that shit," you mutter.

"Yeah, well I don't see why it's such a big deal anyway," Chris says in an exaggerated tone of voice.

Nick chimes in. "Chris, you need to take it down a notch," he tells him. "Be respectful of her. If she doesn't want to be on-camera, then she doesn't have to. Period."

"I wasn't gonna post it!" Chris reiterates, annoyed at the insinuated accusation.

You sigh, not wanting your brothers to argue with each other. I know how much it stresses you out whenever they do. "Just stop," you tell them.

Luckily, they listen to you this time.

Your next YouTube video is a car video. I won't be joining you - I never do - so I always have to wait until the video gets posted in order to know what you guys filmed together. It doesn't bother me, because I know it's an integral part of your career.

While you go out to film, I'm by myself inside of the house. I scroll through endless comments on social media of people trying to speculate who I am, exactly. They only know that I'm your girlfriend, since you came out in a video explaining that you're now in a relationship; but people are getting curious, suspicious, and downright invasive, honestly.

When you come back from filming, you give me a big hug. "How are you doing?" you ask me.

"I'm fine, you guys weren't even gone for that long," I smile at you.

You kiss my forehead. "Good," you tell me. "I hope I did you proud in this next video."

I raise my eyebrow. "What does that mean?" I ask you.

"I'll let you look at it once Nick edits it," you say. "Before we post it, I promise. I want you to approve before anyone else sees it."

I won't lie, I'm kind of nervous about it. I already had a terrible experience with an ex who tried to doxx me, and even sent my nudes out to people. You know this, and you're the only one who does. I don't know if you told your brothers, but I trust you enough to do the right thing.

The next day, Nick sits me down in his room at his computer. "Okay," he says to me in a gentle voice. "I'm going to show this to you, and I want you to be 100% honest with me. If there is anything you want me to take out of this video, just say the word, and I will. Got it?"

I nod, unable to speak. My heart is in my throat. I just want to get this over with.

Nick presses the play button.

"Okay," I watch you say on the screen. "I'm going to start this video off with a very important topic, because I feel like this needs to be said." Your eyes are very serious, and I feel like I already know what you're going to say. "You guys... we love you. You're our fans, and we appreciate you, but... you guys need to back off and give us privacy when we say to."

My eyes widen. I am stunned. I very rarely see you this seriously passionate about anything.

"My girlfriend is a real person, with real feelings," you continue. "She has her reasons for wanting to stay private, and you guys have to respect that. I don't wanna see any of this, 'Oh, I think this is her!' or, 'Oh, she's in this picture!' like, just stop. It's beyond irritating."

Nick is nodding his head in the back seat, agreeing with what you're saying.

Chris looks like he's about to interrupt you, but you hold out a hand to stop him from speaking, while keeping eye contact with the camera.

"And, for the record, she doesn't owe you an explanation," you say. "If and when she is ready to come on camera, then she will. If and when she is ready to talk about her experiences, then she will.

"You guys get a lot of content from us, and we try not to hide too much from you, because you are the reason we're famous. But my girlfriend doesn't want to be famous. And that's her choice. So I'm not asking you anymore, I'm telling you: back off.

"Okay, I've said my piece," you say, turning to Chris.

Nick pauses the video. "That's all he said about you," he assures me. "After that, we changed the subject. Is this okay to post?"

I can't stop the tears from falling down my face. "I'm sorry," I sob quietly into my hands.

"What!? Sweetie, no," Nick says, rubbing my shoulder comfortingly. "Listen, Matt told me what happened. And that is absolutely not your fault. Okay? We don't want to victimize you again. That's not what we're about. We'll always stick up for you."

"What about Chris?" I ask Nick, sniffling. "Does he know?"

Nick shakes his head at me. "Matt hasn't told him, yet. He didn't know if you wanted him to know."

I take a deep breath to try and calm myself. "Well, maybe he should know, too," I concede.

"Do you want to tell him, or do you want me to, or Matt to?" he asks me.

"I think... I think I want you guys to help me tell him," I answer, wiping away my tears.

"Okay," Nick says. "I'll go get Matt and Chris."

I wait for you all to come back, and the tears flood down my cheeks once more.

You are the first to return, and you immediately hold me in your arms. "Hey, shhh," you shush me, stroking my hair comfortingly. "It's going to be okay."

I nod against your chest. "Thank you for sticking up for me," I say.

"I always will," you tell me. "Always. No matter what."

[writer1queenjaysblog]

This sexy man is gonna get a post today deal with it.

Jesse head cannons 💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵

Jesse is known for being the oldest so I think he'd be 30-31 or so. Got his license at 17 and he's been driving ever since which is good because Aaron T drives a little crazy which scares him.

When he was dating his ex girlfriend he was always trying to make her happy and that didn't go well she ended up dumping him when he kept talking about the band so after he became famous she wanted him back only for him to shame her in front millions of people by recording the whole thing.

He's 6'0. My dude got taller when he was 18 and boom 💥 6'0 which make sense since his dad is 6'1 and his younger brother is 5'9 tall height runs on his dad's side.

He likes sweet things but tries not to buy so many but when Ruby is on her period he buys her sweets that she likes to eat. He also has a huge soft spot for her and spoils her from time to time.

He Robaire are the parents of the group and I stand by this 100%!!🤣

Jesse once dated a plus size girl after his ex but she was insecure and he got picked on for dating her so much she broke it off with him now that he's dating Ruby who's plus size he tells her everyday how beautiful she is and how much he loves her unconditionally something he didn't do as much with his last plus size girlfriend.

He's great at boxing and fighting In general his dad was in the army before retiring to become a police officer and his mom teaches self defense for all ages ago genders. With that note Ruby doesn't have to worry about being harassed anywhere because Jesse always around her 24/7.

He is a great cook he , Robaire, and Aaron Z can cook good but when Ruby cooks he loves it and will hide food because he doesn't want anyone to eat it. He will definitely drag Aaron T and Tae young out because their cooking isn't so good the last time he had Aaron T cooking the smoke alarm went off 🤣✋🏾.

NSFW!!(do not 🚫 read if you are uncomfortable)

He's 10 inches long and thick 🤤.

Loves to go rough and only will be gentle if he making love or it's make up sex.

Has a daddy and breeding kink plus spanking, gagging, bound. He loves Speeding up and slowing down when he or one of his partners are close to orgasm he also does it to tease.

Loves it when Ruby calls him daddy it turns a switch on in him that only she sees it's like he becomes a different person when she saids and does things to turn him on.

The things he say:

"Mm baby girl your so sexy when your a mess under me."

"You like it when daddy's deep inside your guts babygirl?"

"Your so tight baby and you feel so good baby girl."

"Your so wet and warm for me princess."

"That's it baby moan/ scream for me."

"Moan for daddy princess"

"You taste so good baby girl so sweet."

"Keep going baby ride daddy until you cum babygirl."

"I'm not done with you yet babe bend over for me."

"Your taking me so well princess."

"Your ass is soft and fluffy and pretty baby."

"Daddy's almost there baby let's cum together."

"I love it when you moan and scream my name princess."

"Hold on to daddy tight baby girl."

"Who's my good girl?"

"Your such a good slut for me princess."

"You like it when daddy rails you princess?"

"Daddy loves you princess."

His nicknames for her:

Daddy's princess

Princess

Baby

Babe

Babygirl

Peaches

Slut

Naughty girl

Kitten

Angel

Darling

That's all guys!! If you have head cannons or requests then don't forget to ask!!

[natromanxoff]

News Of The World - 1985

(x)

[Photo caption: “No one ever loves the real me — everyone falls in love with my stardom”]

[Photo caption: Queen to Freddie is ex-lover Mary Austin — she’s the one constant person in his life and in line for his fortune]

[Photo caption: Mad or macho, Freddie always loves to shock]

[Photo caption: Performing is Freddie’s life. “I’m driven by my work,” he admits. “And I’ll go on as long as my system allows — until I go insane”

ROCK ON FREDDIE

As thousands of adoring fans flock to buy his first solo album this week, Freddie Mercury tells of the one thing that all his success and all his millions can’t ever buy… Sharon Feinstein reports

Freddie Mercury, the outrageous front-man of superband Queen, is addicted to his phenomenal success, but his fame and fortune have also been the source of his deepest misery.

Freddie loves creating bizarre stage images and thrives on the roar of his audiences and the beat of his music. But when the lights go down at the end of a show, he is left feeling lost and lonely.

"You can have everything in the world and still be the loneliest man, and that is the most bitter type of loneliness," says Freddie. "Success has brought me world idolisation and millions of pounds, but it's prevented me from having the one thing we all need — a loving, on-going relationship.

"It's like the old Hollywood stories where all those wonderful actresses just couldn't carry on a relationship because their careers came first.

"That's the way it is with me. I can't stop the wheel for a while and devote myself to a love affair because all sorts of business problems would pile up. The wheel has to keep turning and that makes it very hard for anyone to live with me and be happy.

"I'm driven by my work and will go on for as long as my system allows me — until I go insane. There's a voice inside me saying, "Slow down Freddie, you're going to burn yourself out”, but I just can't stop.

"You can't revel in the success and then, 13 years down the line, wake up one morning and say, ‘No, I don't want to be a superstar today. I want to go out in the streets on my own, or pour my heart into a relationship.’ It's impossible. Because this is it.”

"It" is being the extrovert lead-singer with probably the most successful rock band ever. In their 13-year reign, Queen have rocked the world in a way that no other group has before or since… not even the Beatles.

Today, Freddie and the boys — Brian May, Roger Taylor and John Deacon — each earn over £1 million a year and need never make another record or undertake another tour. But they have no intention of stopping. Last year, Queen toured Europe and had yet another hit with Thank God It's Christmas, and Freddie released his first solo single, Love Kills — which made the top 10 — and began work on his new single and first solo album. Earlier this year, he and the band were the star attraction for the 250.000 fans at the rock festival in Rio, Brazil.

"It was awe-inspiring and mind-boggling to be up there, with all those people in the palm of your hand," says Freddie. "But the other side of the coin is that, though I was surrounded by masses of people who love me, I must have been the loneliest person there. Can you imagine how temble it is when you've got everything and you're still desperately lonely? That is awful beyond words.

"I don't want people to think, poor old Freddie, because I can deal with it. But I'm so powerful on stage that I seem to have created a monster. When I'm performing, I'm an extrovert, yet inside I'm a completely different man.

Of course, the stagey streak in me, where I love to jump around […]

"My love affairs never last. I seem to eat people up and destroy them"

[…] and be volatile, is real, but people don't realise there's more. They expect me to be the same in my personal life as well. They say, "Come on, Freddie, perform, give us some excitement."

The hunky, dark-haired singer, who takes pride in his rippling muscles and ever-changing appearance, once joked that he'd had more lovers than any Hollywood star.

"But they never last," says 38-year-old Freddie. "I seem to eat people up and destroy them. There must be a destructive element in me because I do try very hard to build up relationships, but somehow I drive people away.

"They always blame the end of the love affair on me because I'm the successful one. Whoever I'm with seems to get into a battle of trying to match up to me, so all the time I'm feeling guilty and over-compensating… Then they end up treading all over me.

"I can't win. Love is Russian roulette for me. No one loves the real me inside, they're all in love with my fame, my stardom.

"I fall in love far too quickly and end up getting hurt all the time. I've got scars all over. But I can't help myself because basically I'm a softie — I have this hard, macho shell which I project on stage but there's a much softer side, too, which melts like butter.

"I try to hold back when I'm attracted to someone but I just can't control love. It runs riot. All my one-night-stands are just me playing my part. What I really like is a lot of loving. And I spoil my lovers terribly. I like to make them happy and I get so much pleasure out of giving them really wonderful, expensive presents."

Freddie has admitted that he is bisexual, but says: "I couldn't fall in love with a man the way I could with a girl". The one love of his life and the only person he really trusts is 31-year-old Mary Austin, a quiet fair-haired woman. Freddie and Mary had a seven-year romance.

"Our love affair ended in tears but a deep bond grew out of it, and that's something nobody can take away from us. It's unreachable,” he says. "All my lovers ask me why they can't replace her, but it's simply impossible.

"I don't feel jealous of her lovers because, of course, she has a life to lead, and so do I. Basically, I try to make sure she's happy with whoever she's with and she tries to do the same for me.

“We look after each other and that's a wonderful form of love. I might have all the problems in the world, but I have Mary and that gets me through."

The seal of Freddie's commitment to Mary is his decision to leave her his millions.

"What better person to leave my fortune to when I go ?" he smiles. "Of course my parents are in my will and so are my cats, but the vast bulk of it will go to Mary.

"If I dropped down dead tomorrow, Mary's the one person I know who could cope with my vast wealth. She works in my organisation and looks after my money side and all my possessions. She's in charge of the chauffeurs, maids, gardeners, accountants and lawyers. All I have to do is throw my carcass around on stage."

Freddie is one of the world's richest rock stars but he never has a […]

"You can have everything in the world and still be the loneliest man'

[…] penny in his pocket and has no idea of how many millions he owns.

"I love having so much money," he admits, "but I don't believe in counting it. And because I have far more than I need, I give a lot of it away to people I like.

"I try to enjoy life and if there was no money I wouldn't let it stop me having a good time. In the early days, when I hardly had anything I'd save for two weeks and then blow it all in a day so that I could have a blast of fun."

Certainly, money hasn't always been so free for Freddie. Born Freddie Bulsara on September 5, 1946, his father was a government accountant, which meant Freddie spent some of his childhood in Zanzibar and India. After school, he did a graphics course at Ealing College of Art in London (he designed the band's logo, using the four members' birth signs as inspiration). It was in late 1971 that he joined May, Taylor and Deacon and the Queen phenomenon began.

The biggest visible mark of Freddie's success (and millions) must be his magnificent 28-room mansion in London's Kensington, for which he paid over £1/2 million… in cash!

When Freddie bought the house four years ago, he had three of the eight bedrooms knocked into one for himself, and filled the mansion with handmade furniture from Harrods and priceless Japanese carvings and paintings from Toyko. Outside, an army of gardeners carved out a country retreat in the grounds.

But the king of the castle still hasn't moved in. For the first time Freddie explains why: "Every person who makes a lot of money has a dream he wants to carry out, and I achieved that dream with this wonderful house.

“Whenever I watched Hollywood movies set in plush homes with lavish decor, I wanted that for myself and now I've got it. But to me it was much more important to get the damn thing than to actually go and live in it. Maybe the challenge has worn off now. I'm very much like that — once I get something I'm not that keen on it any more. I still love the house but the real enjoyment is that I've achieved it.

"Sometimes, when I'm alone at night, I imagine that when I'm 50 I'll creep into that house as my refuge and then I'll start making it a home. Anyway, as it is, I can only spend 60 days a year in England for tax reasons."

Freddie has spent the last few months in Munich putting the finishing touches to his first solo album, Mr Bad Guy, which he has dedicated to his dead cat, Jerry.

The album, which is out this week, is packed with new material taking […]

[Photo caption: In 13 years with Queen, Freddie may have changed outwardly, but inside the heartache is the same]

[…] Freddie in an exciting new and different direction.

"I've put my heart and soul into this album,” he says. "It's much more beat orientated than Queen's music and it also has some very moving ballads."

In between hard work he also found time to begin a new friendship with a German actress — 42-year-old Barbara Valentin.

"Barbara and I have formed a bond that is stronger than anything I've had with a lover for the last six years," he says. “I can really talk to her and be myself in a way that's very rare."

Among his existing close friends, Freddie counts Rod Stewart, Elton John and Michael Jackson.

“Rod, Elton and I were going to form a band called Hair, Nose and Teeth after the three of us," he laughs. "But it hasn't happened because none of our egos can agree on the order of the words! Naturally I want it to be called Teeth, Nose and Hair.

“I'm very fond of Rod and Elton. They both came to my last birthday party and sang happy birthday when the cake was wheeled in. I shouted out, ‘This is probably the first time the two of you have sung without being paid for it!' and they laughed like mad.

“Michael Jackson and | have grown apart a bit since his massive success with Thriller. He's simply retreated into a world of his own.

“Two years ago we used to have great fun going to clubs together but now he won't come out of his fortress. It's very sad. He's so worried that someone will do him in that he's paranoid about absolutely everything.

“I get worried about that myself but I'll never let it take over my life like that.”

Freddie has said that if he wasn't a rock star with Queen, he'd have liked to have been a ballet dancer.

He once appeared with the Royal Ballet dancing to a selection of Queen hits, and it was at a glittering Royal Ballet party that Freddie met Prince Andrew.

“I was wearing a white scarf and holding a glass of wine when I was introduced to Prince Andrew. But I was so nervous I didn't realise my scarf was dangling in the drink,” Freddie recalls.

"There I was trying to be really cool and suddenly the Prince said, “Freddie, I don't think you really want this getting wet. He squeezed out the scarf and that broke the ice between us.

"I said, 'Thank goodness you've put me at ease. Now I can use the odd bit of dirty language.’ Then we both burst out laughing.

"He really got into the spirit of things and even had a dance. He's really quite hip in those sort of situations.

“I have a lot of respect for royalty. I'm a tremendous patriot."

Yet another unexpected side to the king of Queen. But then there's much more to Freddie Mercury than most of us ever see. Underneath the bizarre clothes and images that have become his trademark, there is the other Freddie. He sums it up simply… "Sometimes, I just long to be perfectly ordinary as well."

[myfaveisfuckable]

Rants!

Jane/Amelia: Ok my love for this ship started a million years ago with this video:

But seriously they are so much fun. Amelia is one of the few people smart enough to keep up with Jane and challenge her, and Jane is one of the few people so consistently principled that Amelia would actually be able to trust her and let her guard down. Amelia is the Captain who can take Jane wherever she wants to go to perform her research, and they get to open doors for each other. Plus let's be real, Jane hooking up with an alien sounds 100% right that girl is not capable of having a vanilla relationship.

Hope Diyoza/Echo: Listen barely anyone even watched the last season of that show, most of us sapphics lost interest post Lexa but it's such a tragedy. My girl Hope is only in that season and so many people dislike her 8( anyway the fandom immediately agreed that Hope was a lesbian and then Echo entered her storyline and fam. How the writers didn't see it is beyond me. It's been almost three years and it's looking like I'm never gonna get over them. "You must think I'm so weak..." - 'No. The opposite." Hhhh and Hope killing for Echo when she wasn't even able to do that for her father figure. Oh god and "How could you let her do this!?" - "Because I want her to." My little babies off to (attempt to) commit genocide :') other highlights include some cowards not wanting to ship Hope with her aunt's brother's ex-girlfriend (there was time fuckery involved, they're close in age when they meet, also who cares?? the CHEMISTRY), Echo Spy Shenanigans TM and the fact that I still want to write that Mamma Mia AU every time I hear an abba song. Lord help me now I want to rewatch s7 for them again

(second submission from the same person)

Hi hello sorry if this is a double submission I don't remember if i submitted them or dreamt it shout out to my adhd. ANYWAY Hope and Echo ruined my life back in 2020 literally thought about them 24/7 from june until October. Picture this: feral girl child of two terrorists who was isolated her whole life, literally nearly alone on a planet for 20yrs and has only truly known exactly 3 people ever and then matured through trauma trauma ptsd trauma and is now determined as All Fuck to go rescue her mother and aunt figure meets ex child soldier master spy redeemed antagonist who only learned what feelings are and how to deal with them a few years ago who is determined to go save her lame ass bf who is bein held in the same place as the other girl's mum and aunt. They join forces and train together and teach each other everything they know and get matching haircuts (this is canon look it up I'm obsessed). The first time Hope kills somebody is to save Echo's life; the first unfamiliar person Echo hugs and comforts is Hope. They invade a planet with their science nerd friend and enable each others genocidal tendencies so bad I love them ♡ after that whole ordeal goes wrong which includes Echo's shitty bf dumping her so she can't keep him from torturing their friend (notably not because of the attempted genocide lol) they are like each other's go to human at all times... until the 100 writers once again show their incapability of writing sapphic stories by forcing Hope to kiss a man who she met literally like a week ago (her and Echo have known each other for 5yrs at that point, there is time fuckery involved) and who would have been a great bestie for her. Boo! Hope is a lesbian! Every queer person who watched s7 agrees! Anyway after she show ends Hope and her boo realise that this is absolutely not what they want and Hope and Echo get to slow burn their way into what they were always meant to be and would have been if the writers had gone with actor chemistry over what they wanted to write from the start. I'm kidding Echo needed time to grieve her shit bf first but like I said. Eventually they got together and they lived happily ever after. Check the Echope tag on tumblr if you wanna see them, a fic rec for their dynamic could be "otherwise sensible women" by penguinofprose ao3. Sorry if I ranted too much thenksies if you read this far mwah :*

[magnoliamyrrh]

@osmanthusleaf djdks im so sorry for replying in post i didnt wanna cut this up into a million bits, uve not even got to read all this cuz its long ive just got a lot going through my mind and im bad at shutting up once my brain starts going sorry 😭

for sure & well said. i fully agree, and understand having more care and knowledge for your own peoples issues, its natural; like u know example apart from ur own ex., i do know and have looked into the sex trafficking situation in the rest of the world and it horrifies me just as much and it is all connected, but end of the day, i understand most and focus most on the issues in my area and thats what i can give my two cents on more than anything. or, yea, i know abt plenty of things going on around the world, but theres also Tons that i have no clue on and overall i end up knowing more and spending more time on mostly things that i have some sort of personal connection to, like even this thing which i spend time on cuz of my own trauma; were all bound to be more immediately concerned if our own house is burning down w us in it than if the house a mile away also is, and were bound to be more interesting in why our own house burned down and who burned it down than the one a mile away, especially if the two arent connected directly. its past a point impossible for the psyche to b up to date w so much info, especially so much info on bad shit, to keep track of all of it and to feel something about all of it all the time.... if anything, i think the constant info on bad stuff everywhere happening which,,, for the most part we can do little on, is part of whats made our generations more doomful, hopeless, and lost - end of the day its good to care, but weve just got to pick some things in particular to rly care abt and if we can, try to understand them and do something about them, and hope if enough ppl do that for enough things they care about while working together, things may get better...... but also, if u say u care abt some issue, i reckon its important to care too abt other ppl caught up in it, even if its not a main focus and not dismiss it bc its not ur own shit directly 🤷‍♀️

i guess yea, the lack of knowledge isnt what bothers me at all bc god knows we all lack knowledge of plenty of things and frankly we kinda have to for our sanity. its the attitude that does and we all do it too often. like some while ago i was telling my mom u know, we (in broad ethnic&national terms) have some sort of responsability to the ppl that have been opressed in our lands and still deal w the consequences and weve got to care abt that history and struggle, not even in a sins of the ancestors way but in a we all have to try to be better way, and her first reply before we talked more was, well, whose going to help us and pay us back for communism, or serfdom, or imperialism, or slavery, or poverty? and havent we got enough of our own issues? and its like yea 😭 the world isnt fair and theres endless cycles of ppl fucking each other over and its a lot, which is why we have to try to just be kind and decent and help each other and rise each other up and come together as hard as it may be and as endlessly annoying this species may be 😭 and weve got to spend more time on how were similar and can understand each other, rather than always predominantly looking at differences, or pointing fingers, or giving in fully to our good old tribalistic mentality. theres gotta b a balance and id like to think and hope, if we tried, we'd indeed find out in many regards we are more similar than we are different, and all more connected than apart ..... if anything, i think thats something that the loss of spirituality in the "modern" world hasnt helped, bc it was one of those things which bound us to universality and connection

and yea, part of it definetely is social media and also current academia and the general cultural mindsets floating around, theres a whole lot of boiling down of super complex shit into short tidbits or black and white things, bc its easier to digest and faster (also, that overboard american centrism that goes beyond being concerned w ur own stuff, while the rest of the world has to know abt the us). i think too, were all bound to have reactionary and defensive attitudes to things especially when dealing w years of shit from ppl, and when we hold a lot of pain and anger, and it leads too to ppl taking things in bad faith which is something ive dealt w too and had to learn to hold myself back on, bc ive definetely got a tendency for it for sure... and its frankly a whole lot easier to point fingers endlessly or to play the opression olympics than look at the god awful messy complexity of it all and how were all caught up w it,, and frankly, i reckon that it feels better to an extent too... it feels/safer/ and simpler i think, than to say, oh god, has truly this whole species been capable of so much hororr? is there nowhere that was or is good, and pure, and untained, and truly a lot better?.. and its i reckon nicer too, to think of things in terms of purely victim and victimizer, than to think abt how plenty of us, most ppl throughout histoy actually if looking at it systemically, have been as u said, a messy contradiction of both....and uhh what's that bible quote, why are u pointing out the spec in your neighbors eye, but not the log in your own? take the log out of your own, and then you may help your neighbor w the spec. and yet, we just dont like doing that much as humans cuz its harder and uncomfortable, its something we have to force ourselves to do and train ourselves for. and unfortunately its not something that is taught very much either

,,,, and yea on top of that too youre definetely right, ethnicity and race and even culture especially in regards to opression and historical and current day dynamics (especially on an international scale) are so incredibly messy, changing, and mostly a whole bunch of stuff weve made up and keep making up and changing all the time and choosing to define ourselves by or to oppose or imposing on other ppl, that it is hard shit to keep track of and detangle. ur example is a good one and in some ways the same sure can be said for the balkans, the question of if were white or not and to who and where and why and when could go on forever, and our history sure has been when taken as a whole, as both opressed and opressor. america too in particular focuses a lot on race (where u could say other parts of the world might focus more on ethnicity, tribe, religion, or class, even nationalism etc, and as far as ill say, i think we need to focus more on class here), and its had a particular kind of rigid understanding of it, and i know from talking to ppl born here in academia and outside and online and whatnot, that a lot of ppl are surprised to find out how ethnicity and race and racism xenophobia and all that shit are different in even south america for a closer exmaple, but in the whole world in general 🤷‍♀️ which aint an issue at all cuz again theres shit we all dont know, but ive also seen plenty of ppl b past surprised or confused, trying to impose us understandings of shit elsewhere... and also, yea, we get focused on things here to the point where its forgotten in a lot of things what it means that were also living in the imperial core at the same time, especially in america

,, , , , i guess w my complaining abt this sort of stuff broadly speaking, it mostly bothers me tbh when i see it come from ppl who do position themselves as like,,,, social thinkers, social activists, or ppl who look into all this and care and speak about it, as self proclaimed educators for others especially, or as some form of academic. not neccessarly like random ppl who occasionally talk on things or vent frustrations or whatnot (cuz also, we all talk abt things casually we havent spend idk how much time on thinking abt or knowing extensively abt)....,,, bc when u say ur that or hold urself up to that, or say u know youre talking or doing whatever to teach ppl or try to help society be better then... welp,,,,, theres a certain responsability (?) and need to try to hold urself up to that ... and i guess yea, its also my personal thing bc after idk a lifetime of always being fascinated w messy complexities and years of cultural anthropology, my brains very focused and fascinated by complexity and contradiction and endless webs of connections 🤷‍♀️ and it does bother me when ppl want to throw around their degrees or education (which dont even matter all that much, plenty of ppl with degrees who dont think too well, and plenty of ppl without them who could run circles around me when im having a good day) or even their own self taught info, and they want to say theyre ppl who generally care abt opression or theyre caring ppl or theyre better than others or whatnot, as a way to say ppl should listen to them and they know better dont uhhh,,,,, , , take the time to really,, think too much abt what theyre saying and educating on and if its actually helpful