#dbh secret santa

[halstaff]

Secret Santa gift for someone on the DBH:NE server. Connor and Gavin, Equestrian!AU.

Merry Christmas! 🎄

[cptjh-arts]

My artwork for the DBH Secret Santa Event 2022.

My giftee is @MonkertTheOwl (on twitter), @thirium-drinker (here) who wished anything Reed900 related.

Hope you like it!

Please do not share without credit, no reblogging/reupload and no commercial use please.

[connor-sent-by-cyberlife]

My gift for @/phyronite on Twitter who was my giftee for the DBH Secret Santa Event 2022.

(click for better quality)

³ᵈ ᵐᵒᵈᵉˡ ᵖᵒʳᵗˢ ᵇʸ ᵐᵉᵗᵒʳᶤᵃ ᵒᶰ ᵗʷᶤᵗᵗᵉʳ

[lieutenantfloyd]

MW2 men + General headcanons

Includes: Ghost, Soap, Alejandro, Price, Gaz, and Rodolfo

Ghost

Keeps a hello Kitty keychain in his pocket at all times (and can’t sleep without it)

Insists on getting stuffed crust every time he/someone orders pizza

Spends a lot of time daydreaming

Is always listening to music (It keeps him alert and helps keep his anxiety away)

Has bad sensory issues + ticks and intrusive thoughts

Hates cilantro (but doesn’t think it tastes like soap)

Isn’t allowed to use sharp objects in the kitchen

Sometimes eats toothpaste *as a treat*

Has a library card and only uses it to check out joke books intended for 3rd grader’s 

Never returns the books and now has thousands of dollars in late fees

Soap

His favorite food is cherry pie

 Eats multiple bowls of cereal a day (Price is becoming concerned)

Isn’t a huge fan of his Mohawk, but he thinks it makes him look tougher

Reads romance books in his free time

Meticulously shapes his eyebrows every few weeks

Drinks orange juice after brushing his teeth every morning

Spends way too much money on Marzipan De La Rosa + cries every time it breaks

Alejandro

Smells like vanilla, leather, and sage with a hint of roses

Keeps hard candy in his pockets at all times

Rudy is the only person he trusts to cut his hair

Lives on his family’s ranch outside of Las Almas

Frequently invites Los Vaqueros to his ranch and always makes sure they have a warm meal and a safe place to sleep

Comes from a long line of Vaqueros, and named Los Vaqueros in their honor

Gives great, albeit unsolicited, advice

His favorite song is California Love by 2Pac

Makes sure both TF 141 and Los Vaqueros know they can come to him for anything, even the most small of problems

Price

Has three older sisters

Is a natural ginger

Spent most of his childhood in Australia

Watches early 2000’s romcoms in his bunk when he’s deployed (and always ends up sobbing into his pillow)

Has a wide knowledge of Middle age and Saxon history

Loves a good mocktail

Reads a lot of Historical fiction

Has accidentally eaten dog treats (thinking they were cookies) on more than one occasion

His hat was a gag Christmas gift from Laswell but he thought it was serious + is his favorite gift he’s ever received

Dresses up as Santa every year and forces everyone to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for Christmas

Gaz

Didn't join the army when he was 18, and instead worked on yachts and charter ships for a few seasons

Struggles with self confidence + often feels like he doesn't belong with 141

Has very strong opinions on the PlayStation vs Xbox debate

Really admired Ghost, but is too nervous to tell him

His favorite video game is DBH

Is in a secret Book/Movie club with Price and Soap

Develops a crush on almost everyone he meets

Rudy

Has family in South Texas and spent a lot of time there as a kid

Has always dreamed of being a singer/songwriter 

Was a very shy/socially anxious kid (and still struggles with social anxiety)

Is a a massive soccer fan + was captain of the neighborhood soccer team

Growing up he spoke Spanglish at home. Which is why he doesn’t really have an accent despite understanding a lot more English than he speaks 

When speaking English he often trips over his words + has to ask Alejandro for the right word/translation

Is a follower, not a leader

is 4-6 years younger than Alejandro

Has several older sisters who helped raise him

First met Alejandro when he was 10-12 years old because he briefly dated one of Rudy’s sisters

After they broke up, Alejandro still came around to visit Rudy, and the two quickly became like brothers

Wasn’t interested in joining the Army at first, but Alejandro convinced him

[feenmies]

i wanna do dbh secret santa sooooo bad this year but i know i won't because i never do fandom events

[gavinisqueer]

Is anyone aware of any DBH Secret Santa events happening this year? Asking for a friend ^-^

[dirty-droid]

😈🛒

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

Any time that I reminded the reader that Connor does indeed have a flat ass, I did it in my secret Santa fic last year, I Need You Like a Thirium Pump Needs a Beat, and I was so pleased to see that I was not the only one that year pointing out the flatness of that man. Also, probably the entirety of my crack fic Lemon Stealing Whore, nobody fucking wanted that thing but me, and I was sharing so much in our live ficcing channel, aware that I was being very bothersome.

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

A certain lack of shame about my kinks, and all of my headcanons. I love describing sexy things as being little, I developed a daddy kink around the time I started playing dbh and I've been screwed on that ever since. Another thing you might notice going through my page is the result of my memory issues, I tend to do this thing where I forget that things exist outside of a small handful of stuff that I spam for a bit. It happens irl with things like food or friends, I just forget unless they're currently relevant, but you'll see it in my writing because I'll only remember a few ways to describe something, or a certain flourishy word. Only five descriptions exist in my head at a time 😅

Thank you so much for asking @im-not-a-monster !!!

[ao3feed-hannor]

The Best Gift is your Company

read it on the AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/43923297 by Avasti DBH Secret Santa Exchange for @Cryptidtrashpan on Twitter!   Hank stands, a twinkle in his eye that pulls Connor along like a fish on a string. He follows the android to the window, jaw dropping at the sight that greets them. Connor rushes past Hank, flinging the door to the cabin open and laughing gleefully, “Snow! Hank it’s snowing!” He turns in a slow circle, blinking away the little flakes that land on his lashes, “How did- it was supposed to rain all week, how?” “The forecast changed rather in our favor.” Hank leans against the frame of the cabin door, eyes crinkled at the corners, “Barring this turn of events, I had planned on hiring a company to make snow for us.” Connor feels his chest constrict. The man before him was considered a robot barely a few months ago yet he has single handedly shown more humanity than most of Connor’s family. Somehow, he learned that Connor doesn’t like gifts but prefers actions and experiences. Found out that Connor loves the snow but can rarely see it. Once and only once he caught Connor crying over a ridiculous Hallmark movie. And now they’re practically in one. Words: 2841, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Hank Anderson, Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Amanda (Detroit: Become Human) Relationships: Hank Anderson/Connor Additional Tags: reverse au, DBHSSE2022, Secret Santa Exchange, Christmas Vacation, Holiday Vacation, Established Relationship, Decorating Cookies, Snowball Fight, Fluff read it on the AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/43923297

[mateodoodle]

12, 13, 34, 45, 50! for the fic asks

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike that uave grown on you?

I think time loop Aus. For a while I didnt like reading angst in general v much and I got annoyed quickly by how long it took for the comfort part of hurt/comfort to kick in. But then I read this one that wasn't even hurt/comfort it was just oure angst all the time and I was like "damn... Gotta get me some more of this" and now im a big fan of the angst potential

13. Are there any tropes you used to like but don't anymore?

If I'm being honest, not really. Im very picky and only interact with things I like a LOT so if im kind of meh on something, I usually don't engage with it if it's a focus so I don't become more meh on it

34. What aspects of your writing are drawn from your real life?

If a character stims in a way that isn't explicitly stated in canon, its more than likely it's one of my own stims. Very rarely, I give characters stims that differ from my own, i can think of like. One example from a fic I've published and another one from a class I took for short story writing last year

45. What's something you've improved on since you started writing fic?

Im gonna do two. Firstly, i think I'v egoten better at inserting action between dialogue without it being too clunky anymore, even though I still worry about that a lot. Secondly, devsloping story beats BEFORE I write. I used to struggle so much more with writing because I wouldnt plan most of it out, but I go into a LOT of detail now in my drafts and I'm even willing to go out of my way to write scenes from different parts of a story and connect them later on

50. Answer any question. I'll answer the one that asks what my favorite prompt I've written for was. My favorite was for a Convin DBH secret santa I did one year. The prompt I chose (out of two or three others I cant remmeber rn) was time travel which was so fun :¬> i love thinking out of the box with prompts/tropes because it means I have more fun coming up with goofy ideas and making them serious. Time travel fix-it fic where both halves of the ship are sent/send themselves back in time to fix the past, accidentally get in each others'ways, then reveal their situations to each other only to do a surprise pikachu face? Ugh I love that story so much!

[moonlight-breeze-44]

Dear Gifter...

Hello, friends! As the year draws to a close, it's that time again for me to enlist in a whole host of Secret Santas to bring everyone some December cheer and hopefully put a lot of smiles on a lot of faces :)

A few of the gift exchanges I've participated in for years are changing their formats for signups this year, so I'm adjusting with them! I decided that, in order to make it easier for my various gifters to know what I like, I'd create this 'Dear Gifter' post to link to them!

So, if you have me for a Secret Santa exchange this year, this next part's for you <3

I've listed some general likes/dislikes, as well as fandom-specific likes/dislikes for the major fandoms I participate in gift exchanges for! If you'd like a list of specific likes for a fandom not mentioned below, just shoot me an ask on anon and I'll post one :)

General Likes:

Angst, hurt/comfort, mental health issues, self-harm, abuse, trauma, nightmares, autistic characters, asexual characters, poly relationships, QPRS, crackfics, college AUs, high school AUs, soulmate AUs, coming out fics, getting together/first kiss, non-sexual BDSM, BDSM AUs, Christmas fics, rarepairs, unrequited love, paranormal AUs

General Dislikes:

Alcohol (**TRIGGER**), smut/NSFW, sickfics, bugs, vomit, extremely detailed gore, physical whump/torture, mafia AUs, royalty AUs

For Shadowhunters:

Likes: Alec Lightwood centric, Autistic Alec, Asexual Alec, any fics that deal with Alec's self-harm, pre-canon fics, Lightwood sibling feels, parabatai feels, worldbuilding (ESPECIALLY in regards to the Fae Realm), HOTI Alec, trans Magnus, Malec, Jalec, Malace, Jimon, Lysabelle, immortal Malec, different first meeting, sub Alec, Dom Magnus, switch Jace, sub Jace, Dom Simon

Dislikes: S3 plotline NOT including the wedding, Inquisitor Alec, good parents Maryse and Robert Lightwood, bad parabatai Jace Lightwood, Clizzy, Luke/Maryse, Dom Alec, reverse AUs

For Leverage:

Likes: Eliot Spencer centric, pre-canon fics, Eliot/Damien Moreau, any fics that explore a fucked up/abusive relationship between Eliot and Damien Moreau, Autistic Eliot, Autistic Parker, ADHD Hardison, trans Eliot, asexual Parker, the OT3, Eliot/Quinn, Nate & Eliot as father/son or master/slave, cooking, botany/gardening, character study, post-canon fics, Leverage team as family, Dom Parker, sub Eliot, switch Hardison

Dislikes: Romantic Eliot/Nate, total AUs (i.e., not within the Leverage universe, such as college AUs), MCD, angst with no happy ending, Dom Eliot, sub Parker, unrequited love

For Detroit: Become Human:

Likes: Reed900, Gavin Reed centric, RK900 centric, Markus centric, reverse AUs, Hank & Connor as father/son, Jericho polycule, Simarkus, romantic Hankcon, Detroit: Evolution/Detroit Reawakening universe, slice of life, case fics, any fics set during the Android Revolution, asexual Nines, agender/non-binary Nines, non-binary Gavin, trans Gavin, Gavin Reed backstory/character study, aromantic Kara, detective/cop AUs, sub Gavin, Dom Nines

Dislikes: Fics that portray Gavin Reed in a bad light, POV Connor, POV Kara, total AUs (i.e. not within the realm of the DBH universe) EXCEPT detective AUs, Dom Gavin, sub Nines

For Criminal Minds:

Likes: Emily Prentiss centric, Jemily, Morcia, Morreid, BAU as family, case fics, Reid's drug use, Emily Prentiss with a self-harm habit, cottagecore/farm life/small town AUs, Autistic Hotch, Autistic Reid, ADHD Emily Prentiss, AuDHD Penelope Garcia, asexual Reid, JJ backstory/character study, infidelity (specifically JJ cheating on Will), pre-canon fics, Momily, kid fics, seasons 3-7

Dislikes: Breakups (except JJ/Will), MCD (angst with no happy ending is totally fine as long as there's no MCD!), events past Season 13

Thank you for reading! Remember, if the information you're looking for isn't here, please don't hesitate to shoot me an ask and I'll be happy to add it :) I hope everyone has a great winter and happy holidays if you celebrate! <3

[rainbyotes]

Merry (late) Christmas!!!

Ok so HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! This year I did the @dbhsecretsanta2020 and for my person, @eageltj22 on twitter, they requested some simkus and here it is!!! It is also my first finished digital piece!!!!!!!!! (yes i did just copy paste a christmas tree what of it)

[detroit-become-human-analyze]

My entry for the "secret santa" @reed900celebration contest, this is for you @gavinphuckingreed

RK900: - "Detective, you shouldn't get on a fight on Christmas eve."

Gavin: - "Wha..? No one mess with my cats, or my tincan."

RK900: - "I understand, but you got two broken ribs and sev..."

Gavin: - "Are you worried about me now?"

RK900: - "...no, I was just... asserting that I'm more than equipped to defend myself..."

Gavin: - " . . . "

Gavin: - "Hey, phucker, thanks for the scarf... I didn't got you anything."

RK900: - "It's okay Detective, I'll take you to the hospital now, that's your gift to me."

Gavin: - "...phucking smartass..."

.

.

*(original copy of the drawing)

I mostly only do traditional drawing, pen and paper, maybe a couple filters, but anyway, hope it's not too pathetic for you, lol 😅

L.K.

P.S. - this is NOT original character game canon, but it's one of my favorite ships, and I don't think Gavin Reed ever had a traditional Christmas eve with family or friends, it doesn't strike me as "that kind of guy"... so RK900 had to keep an eye on him. (?)

..........

Sad update: 😔

This is why I should not enter any contest...

#sorry

[connorssock]

Hungry Eyes

@anuninterestingperson I was your pinch-hitter for the @dbhevents Secret Santa! I’ll also pop this on AO3 when I get a moment, but for now, I hope you enjoy it!

Hungry Eyes

Running a burger shack was fun. It wasn’t in the slightest what Connor had planned to do with his life. He’d had aspirations for Michelin stars and being a culinary sensation. Everything he’d done growing up was work towards the grand plan of opening his own restaurant with Nines as his maître d’. Of course, like all best laid plans, it went out the window as soon as he was in culinary school.

There was no joy in serving small portions for extortionate prices.  Catering to the whims of the obscenely rich who could only complain when the tartare of their hand dived scallops was the wrong shade. It drained him, made him wish for simpler times when the most he had to worry about was getting orders out quickly and efficiently. Connor took pride in his food and knew that what he made tasted good. Even if the colour wasn’t exactly the same as the one shown on the menu. In his opinion there was no difference between a buttermilk cream and sand dollar cream but his head chef begged to differ.

What Connor did find pleasure in was watching people take the first bite of something they really craved. The closed eyed bliss that came with the explosion of flavour followed by satisfied munching. Simply the knowledge that the people who ate his food left full and happy, that’s all Connor wanted.

It wasn’t a conversation that was easy to broach, Nines had been steadily working his way up from a simple waiter in a café to something a bit more refined. In his spare time he was learning French, Spanish, German and Chinese to try and be able to keep up with the highflyers of the world. Connor’s heart broke at the idea of making all his hard work go to waste simply because he couldn’t hack the life of a chef in a distinguished restaurant.

“Thank fuck for that,” Nines had sighed when Connor finally confided in him with teary eyes.

Rather than get angry, Nines pulled out his phone and opened up a few tabs. They were all for food trucks, how to get a licence for them and where the best local places were to sell them. Connor looked over them with wide eyes as he took it all in. How Nines knew this was coming was beyond him but he was infinitely grateful.

After his final year in culinary school, Connor graduated with a wide smile. He was picked up from the ceremony by Nines in their new truck which garnered a lot on sneering looks. Connor regally waved from the open window in the back of the truck until they were all out of sight.

They made their truck work. Nines served customers while Connor was flipping burgers behind him. Their regular plot ended up being near the airport and Nines’ language skills came in more handy than either of them had ever really imagined. It wasn’t uncommon to hear him laughing with a German family before seamlessly switching to Japanese for a businessman. Which is why Connor turned around in surprise when he heard him rather coldly say: “we don’t serve your kind here.”

“Oh come on man, I just want a burger to tide me over.”

The man standing by their truck had silver hair, was a little portly and Connor couldn’t help the little gasp when he recognised who it was.

“You’re Hank Anderson.”

“Guilty,” came the reply. “Now are you going to take my money in exchange for a lousy burger or not?”

Pride flared up in Connor’s chest and his nose scrunched. Back when he’d been in the full fever of having a restaurant, he’d dreamed of having Hank Anderson come to critique his food and getting a coveted four and a half star review. Nobody ever got five stars and Connor wasn’t so deluded to think he could buck the trend, but he aimed for four and a half. Now though, he looked at the man, took in his tired eyes with dark bags under them, hair a little greasy and unkempt. It was a world away from the photos in magazine and the one attached to his regular column.

“I can deal with him,” he stepped away from the grill and took Nines’ spot with a small smile. “What would you like, Mr. Anderson?”

“Cut the crap. Just give me the greasiest, cheesiest burger with extra bacon that you can muster up.”

“It doesn’t actually cure hangovers but I’ll get right to it,” Connor nodded.

He heard Nines scoff off to the side but paid him little attention as he got out a burger patty, some bacon and a mushroom for good measure.

A couple of minutes later, he was passing over a burger heaving with filling, grease making the paper transparent.

“Would you like anything else, Mr-”

“Hank. No Mr. anything please. And a chocolate shake would be amazing with this.”

Connor turned to Nines with a pleading look which got an eye roll in return but at least Nines turned to the machine and began to violently throw the ingredients in.

“Bad day?” Hank asked.

“I could ask you the same,” Connor smiled at him.

Food and drink handed over in exchange for money, Connor watched the man walk a little further away to one of the standing tables.

“If he dares slander us in any review…”Nines growled behind him.

His eyes were narrowed in hostility at Hank and Connor swatted his arm.

“Play nice and he might even come back.”

“I really really hope not,” Nines rolled his eyes but immediately plastered on a smile when he saw someone approaching their van.

                 A few weeks went by and Hank was all but forgotten in the rush of work. Tired travellers clutched their orders while those excited to be on their way happily chattered while they waited. Connor was in the middle of flipping a burger when he heard Nines’ voice.

“You again?” It came out as a low hiss and Connor turned.

He could help the smile that tugged at his lips when he saw Hank leaning against the van. At least he looked much better, there were still dark circles under his eyes but his hair was cleaner, held in a small ponytail while his clothes were a little less rumpled.

“Hello again, Hank,” Connor couldn’t help but wave a little, forgetting his spatula was still in his hand. “Same as last time?”

“Please,” Hank nodded. “They’re flying me down to Texas today, I figured anything would be better than food on the plane.”

“I’m glad our livelihoods rank so highly in your revered opinion,” Nines spat and Connor shook his head.

“Look, kid,” Hank sighed, “if you’ve got a problem with me then have the guts to say it. But I highly doubt I’m the one in the way of your deluded daydreams of doing something better than working in some grubby burger van.”

Connor put his spatula to the side and shouldered past Nines to lean over the counter.

“Mr. Anderson,” his voice was cool and measured, “this may come as a shock to you but we’re happy with our van, it is what we wanted to do. I studied at the Institute of Culinary Education for three years. If I wanted to, I could be slaving away, making tiny portions of food for equally tiny minded people in an upmarket restaurant with my brother as my maître d’. But we chose this, it makes us happy. So if you wish to continue your patronage, I would strongly suggest you keep your unsavoury opinions to yourself. Now, would you like mushroom in your burger again?”

Connor smiled so sweetly as he straightened up that Hank could only gape. Under his beard, an embarrassed flush crept up his cheeks and he nodded as words eluded him.

“Wonderful,” Connor trilled and twirled away to resume with preparing the order.

Nines took up his spot by the counter with a decidedly unfriendly smirk and began tapping away on the till.

“Was there anything else you wished to insult? Sorry, I mean order.”

“A large soda as well please,” Hank at least had enough grace to look bashful though his eyes kept flickering back to Connor.

Once again, it was Connor who handed over the food and the drink and he kept an easy smile that Hank was hard pressed not to return. He took his order away rather than camp up by one of the tables though, as Connor watched him go.

“Seriously?” Nines’ disbelieving question drew his attention. “He’s the menace of the food world, insulted us and our choices and yet you make heart eyes at him?”

“He can still be hot,” Connor shrugged. “It’s like window shopping. Admire the goods but never actually buy them.”

Nines rolled his eyes and turned away. Sometimes he just didn’t understand Connor and that probably was for the best.

                 “Connor, you’re up,” Nines yelled three days later over the sizzling of food on the grill.

Confused, Connor turned to look and grinned when he saw Hank approach the van.

“Couldn’t keep away?”

“I didn’t trust the airport’s sandwich selection. Please could I have the usual but with extra mustard this time?”

Connor turned to make it but twisted so he could still chat over his shoulder.

“How was Texas?”

A look of pleasant surprise flitted over Hank’s face and he breathed a soft “You remembered?”

Something cracked near Nines and the other two turned to watch him twist the broken lid of a fresh bottle of mustard back on.

“And you remembered too,” Hank added dryly.

“Just ignore Nines, he’s only grumpy because I bet him you like mustard and now he owes me a new t-shirt.”

The look Nines threw Connor could have made a dandelion wither but his brother just laughed.

“Go take a walk Nines, it’s quiet, I can handle things.”

“And leave you alone with him?” Nines jabbed a thumb in Hank’s direction. “Fat chance.”

This time, when Hank was given his food, he left his change in the tip jar and took a table closer to the van.

Connor fixed Nines with a stare and it evolved into a hushed argument while they cast Hank quick glances to make sure he wasn’t watching. From Nines’ perspective, Hank was not worthy of Connor’s attention and he hated the way the man looked at Connor. There was no denying that they got off on the wrong foot and Nines hated that if they’d followed their path into having their own restaurant, it was without a doubt Hank and others like him that would have tried to destroy Connor’s happiness with nit-picking reviews. So he bore a grudge against Hank from a life they never led but he could all too easily imagine.

“Well, I like him, okay?” Connor spat. “And it’s fine, you’ll get your way because he sure as heck has better things to do than date someone like me.”

The duality of telling Connor off for putting himself down like that paired with the need to tell him Hank would probably happily bend him over the nearest surface made Nines’ eye twitch. In the end he said nothing and stormed out of the van on the walk Connor had suggested earlier.

He didn’t anticipate bumping into Hank as he made his way back towards the taxi rank.

“Nines, right?” Hank asked.

“What’s it to you?”

In an attempt to placate him, Hank held his hands up, palms facing Nines.

“Just trying to be friendly.”

“That crap might work on Connor but I don’t buy it for one second. Now I don’t control him, but you need to know that if you so much as breath wrong around him, I will not hesitate to throw a breadknife at your head.”

Hank had the audacity to laugh at that.

“I would be worried if you didn’t. But kid, you have nothing to fear. Someone like Connor wouldn’t be interested in someone like me. I’m fully aware that the media portrays a very different image to who I actually am. All Connor would be with me is disappointed.”

Nines couldn’t believe his ears. He thought Connor was bad enough, mooning over Hank. But to have Hank self-depreciatingly wave off even the idea of Connor being into him was too much. Perhaps they really were a match made in heaven.

“You’ll need a better excuse to keep coming to see him. Our burgers are good, but not that good,” he said and turned away from Hank, ready to return to work.

                 Over the course of the next few months, Hank became a regular. He flew all over the country to review restaurants but he remained loyal to Connor and Nines’ burger van. It became a habit that as soon as Nines saw him approach, he’d let Connor take over the front end while he busied himself with cleaning. There was a fine line between cute and infuriating that the two danced, neither quite daring to make the first move but pushing in the hopes that the other might be braver. Some days Nines was entertained by it but others, he really wanted to knock their heads together and announce “now kiss” as obnoxiously as he could.

“I’ve been thinking about doing a burger van review of the local area,” Hank said between bites as he leaned on the lip of the counter.

Opposite him, Connor was propped up with an elbow on the counter as he smiled serenely.

“That would be quite interesting. Though I there’s less of a structure to them than a restaurant. How would you rate them?”

“Well, quality of service, quality of food, speed of food delivery. The usual stuff really. Maybe even something about the surroundings, whether there’s a place to sit down to eat or if you have to stand on a street corner and juggle your food and drink,” Hank took another large bite and hummed in delight. “You really got the mustard to ketchup ratio right in this one.”

“It’s the dash of horseradish that brings all the flavours together,” Connor nodded.

“Horseradish? In a burger? That’s a little wild.”

Connor’s head dipped as he hid his blush and a hand covered his smile. It made Nines just about ready to scrunch up the newspaper he was reading when an article caught his eyes. An interview with Hank, most of it was boring routine things but the last question asked him about his favourite place to eat.

“It’s actually a burger van. I’m not going to tell you where exactly because I want to keep them to myself. But it’s run by a pair of brothers who never cease to make me smile. One’s terrifying and the other is adorable. Their burgers are the best I’ve had because they’re so obviously made with love. It shines through, how much they enjoy the job they’ve chosen and no Michelin Star can beat that.”

Nines pushed away from the over he’d been leaning against and rudely shoved the interview under Connor’s nose, a finger tapping against the last answer. A single glance at the paper and Hank was blushing furiously and he nervously tucked his hair behind his ear.

“About that,” he tried but Connor cut him off with a small smile.

“That is the sweetest thing anybody could have ever said, thank you.”

He tore the interview out from the newspaper and tacked it to the inside of the service window where nobody but he and Nines could see.

“Were you really planning on doing a burger van tour?”

Hank shuffled his feet as he hummed and hawed. Words and sentences trickled away into nothing as he glanced up at Connor with embarrassment.

“I did mention the idea to my editor?” he finally offered.

He didn’t expect Connor to let out a small laugh and lean fully over the counter.

“Stop me if I’ve misread the situation,” he grinned and tugged Hank in for a kiss.

“Connor!” Nines yelled. “Go outside for that! Think of our hygiene rating!”

With a chuckle, Connor broke away and undid his apron, which he passed to Nines on his way out.

“As it’s a lull in business, I’m taking my lunch break early.”

Nines watched as Hank offered an arm to Connor gallantly and they both burst out giggling, meandering off to one of the benches a little further down the road where they could continue to make out like teenagers.

[royal-raccoon]

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

and a very happy new year to @mrsiriuslypadfoot !! I was your secret santa for @dbhevents. Hope you like it!!!

Reblogs > likes

Click for better quality

[statsvitenskap]

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Here’s my @dbhevents Secret Santa gift for @the-immortal-chair. (I'm sobbing I procrastinated so this is super last minute omg)

When I think Conniel, I think of nothing but angst. Conniel fluff reminds me too much of Connor x Simon or smth, lol.

Merry Christmas, hon!

[mpmwrites]

Positive and Negative Preferences

Hello all! I perticipated in @dbhevents​ Secret Santa, and I wrote a fic for @exfriends​!

This is a Reed900 Coffee Shop AU, rated T for language.

Hello darling @exfriends​. I am so very sorry you had to wait this long. I’m afraid it’s entirely my fault, because I bit off more than I could chew around the holidays this year, and unfortunately that led to quite the delay. I also want to apologize that I didn’t go exactly with what you requested. I saw that you liked other types of AUs and this kind of just clicked into place for me. (But if it’s really not your thing, I’d be happy to write something new. You deserve a great gift!) Here’s hoping you enjoy.

Also a thanks to @the-writing-of-a-gay-idiot​ for giving me so much feedback!

On with the show!

It wasn't that he wanted to be an asshole. Really, he knew he was an asshole, and could see himself acting it out in real time, but he had absolutely no reason to try to be better. Part of it was the coffee thing. He'd hardly slept in college, and became a six-cup-a-day person, and he'd rarely admit it, but he was even worse without caffeine. So, nearly fifteen years later, he figured that if coffee was gonna keep him from getting fired for shitting on someone stupid, he could be addicted to worse things.

When the android behind the counter suggested that he was their most frequent customer, he shrugged. Most days, he came in three times: on the way to work, on lunch, and before catching the bus home. Large coffee, nonfat milk, and one sugar. Of course it was always perfectly sweetened, perfectly steaming, because it was an android who made it, and most days he didn’t even have to say his order before Richard was ringing him up with a smile.

He never stayed, preferring to take his coffee back to work or drink it on the bus so he could enjoy it in relative privacy. He wasn't much interested in sitting around while the 20-somethings giggled their way through their overly-sweet lattes, and certainly wasn't going to indulge in some calorie-laden baked goods when he could get something healthier and cheaper just about anywhere else. He could take his day home and tell his cat about all of the fucked up shit he saw in the world.

His birthday, however, brought on a whole new series of shitty feelings about being alone and being 37 with his only friend as his cat. He told himself he had friends. That he wasn't alone. That someone might care if he wasn't around. By the time he headed to the coffee shop after work, he was feeling worse than he did when he woke up that morning.

"Good afternoon, Gavin." Rich smiled as he passed the usual green paper cup over the counter. "Did you have a pleasant rest of the day?" Pleasant. Yeah. The same question he asked every other afternoon receive the same answer Gavin always gave him: a shrug and a half smile. As he turned to leave, Gavin's eyes settled on an empty table by the window at the front of the café. There was only one chair. He thought about his apartment, and sitting alone, probably ordering some indulgent junk food as a gift for himself, and falling asleep to the nightly weather report; waking up with a stiff neck before finally dragging himself to his actual bed.

He sat down at the table.

He nursed his coffee as he listened in to strangers conversations and flipped through social media on his phone. When he'd drained the last drop, he sat the cup down with a hollow noise and looked out the window. The sun had set mostly and headlights glared against the window was cars moved down the street. The bus passed; Gavin had at least 15 minutes until the next one. He took a breath and wiggled the empty cup against the table, listening to the noise it made and wondering why he had nothing better to do on his own damn birthday other than sit alone in a coffee shop.

"You come to get coffee, three times a day, five days a week." Richard said as he approached the table carefully, "And have done so for at least the thirty seven weeks I've been employed here. This is the first time you've ever stayed." He observed, sitting down a new, steaming coffee. It was in a black ceramic mug.

Gavin looked up at him blankly, not having an answer to the statement, "Uh, yeah." He fumbled.

"I've been wondering why, if I may ask." Richard offered a small, awkward smile.

"I guess…" Gavin paused to summon a reason as he fished his wallet out of his back pocket, "Well, It's my birthday, I didn't want to be alone." He explained quietly, suddenly embarrassed by the concept. He wondered why he even felt the need to answer, much less with such a vulnerable truth.

"In that case, I'm very glad to have your company." The barista's words were formal, but tinted with something genuine. He waved a dismissive hand as Gavin made to hand him a few bills for the refill. "Consider it a thank you for your loyalty." Richard said, before moving away to tend the counter once again.

Gavin stayed past the next bus, and then a few more, until it was completely dark outside. When he finally had a renewed thought to leave, the rest of the café was already empty. Richard was milling about, wiping down tables and pushing in chairs as Gavin stood and took the mug to the counter. When he turned to the door, Richard followed, rescuing something from the counter as he hastened to catch up. As Gavin laid his hand on the door handle, Richard was behind him, reaching over his shoulder to flick open the lock, "I lock the door after closing." He explained.

"Closing? When did you close?"

"Eleven minutes ago." Richard smiled, holding out the green paper bag he'd taken from the counter. "This is for you. I usually compost the remaining baked goods, but I didn't see the harm in giving you a birthday treat, especially after you hadn't eaten all evening."

Gavin took in that fraction of a smile that Rich always served him alongside his coffee. He held a good five or so inches over Gavin, but was at least just as muscular if not more so that Gavin was. It pinged in Gavin's mind that it was all artificial, that he'd been designed to be handsome and perfect, but the realization of his appeal struck Gavin all the same. Richard was good looking, had been keeping track of Gavin's visits, and was some kind of concerned for his nutritional well-being.

The idea of Richard's regard for him was unexpected, and came with a small tilt of Gavin's chin before he realized he was leaving. "Uh, I'm sorry for keeping you. Thanks for letting me stay." Gavin said as he remembered to be a semi-decent person.

"You're welcome to stay as long as you please." Richard reminded him, holding the door open to the cool fall night.

-----

Gavin transferred paperwork to his portable the following afternoon, toting it with him to the coffee shop. He worked his way through it over his usual coffee and left cash next to his empty cup that Richard didn't take when he quietly left his refill. He waited until the last customer left and checked the time. Fifteen minutes before closing, Richard was idling behind the counter.

"Your boss can't be letting you just keep giving me free coffee." Gavin proclaimed as he brought up the empty mug and left behind cash.

"We offer a complimentary refill to guests who choose to dine in." Richard explained lightly. He watched Gavin curiously. Gavin offered a small snort of amusement,

"You're telling me I come in here and pay for three cups a day when I could just stay and only pay for two?" He grinned wryly.

"I suppose you could, but then, how would you earn the money to pay for those two cups?" Richard took the mug and turned around to put it on the counter next to a small sink. "Despite our appreciation of your patronage, I'd think that you'd be more valued if you continued working."

"I think you overestimate my abilities as a cop." Gavin leaned on the counter slightly.

"Well, I'd prefer that you never have an opportunity to prove me wrong." Richard smiled, and maybe Gavin was looking differently, but his smile seemed more genuine than it did when he normally ordered his coffee. He vaguely noticed a light shutting off outside the shop, prompting Richard's LED to throw a blip of yellow before being summarily returned to blue.

"I guess that means it's closing time." Gavin sighed, pushing away from the counter. He turned to leave, but turned back and leaned his whole torso over the counter, slipping the payment intended for coffee into Richard's apron pocket. "Call it a tip." he offered an awkward wink.

"Gavin, as an android, I am not permitted to have personal finances." Richard's smile was gone as he extracted the bills with a slow movement.

"Well, I'm not taking it back. Who's arresting you?" He shrugged, retreating toward the door with a cocky smile.

-----

The rest of the week continued on in that way; Gavin sat at the cafe for hours, and would chat amicably with the android barista once the shop was empty save for them. He left at closing every night with a smile and occasionally with a sugary treat in hand.

Gavin knew he was fooling himself. After all, and android couldn't have more personal feelings toward him than any other being; human, android, or otherwise. Still, he made himself get up and go to work each day with the prospect of a fresh cup and one free refill after. Companionship from anyone other than his cat was more than he deserved, he figured, but at least Richard was someone he could talk to. Sure, they never talked about anything with any kind of weight, but it was better than talking to himself in the quiet of his apartment.

He let himself believe that it was something like friendship.

So, when Richard leaned across the counter and kissed him, time stopped. Not in a stupid romantic comedy way, but in a way that shook Gavin to his core in self doubt. Richard was an android. Richard couldn't feel anything toward him. He shouldn't have felt anything for a walking, talking computer. He decided not to.

"What the hell?" Gavin's face contorted in confusion and offense when the android pulled away. He waited for an answer as Richard's LED spun to yellow then red and back.

"I am sorry, Gavin, I must have misunderstood your intentions." He stared at Gavin for a long moment before busying himself with tidying the counter.

"My intentions?" Gavin sputtered, failing to assume an appropriate reaction.

"My social protocols interpreted your new interest in being at the café and consistent attempts at companionship as a wish to enter into a romantic relationship." Richard explained. We offer a complimentary refill to guests who choose to dine in.

"Oh." Gavin dismissed the offence and remained pensive. "You're an android. You don't have feelings, especially not for humans." He drew. Richard froze and his LED looked like it was trying to send a distress signal. Eventually, he answered.

"That is correct." He mentioned, though it sounded more like a realization than a confirmation. Somehow, Gavin felt a little hurt.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow." Gavin offered, leaving his mug and retreating quietly.

-----

"Good morning, what can I get you?" Gavin stared at the android taking his order. It wasn't Richard, but a female who looked young and had red curls framing her face. He couldn't see an LED, but the blue armband was telling enough.

"Uh, large coffee, nonfat milk, one sugar. To go." He told her, baffled by her presence. He paid her and she turned away to prepare his order. "Do you know what happened to Richard?" He said casually.

"Richard was found to be malfunctioning, I am his replacement." She didn't seem fazed as she set his cup on the counter.

"Oh. Is he going to be back?"

"I'm not sure, I'm sorry." She offered a kind smile, and moved on to the next customer. When he came back at lunch, she was still there, and in the afternoon too. He didn't stay.

Richard didn't return in the following days, and Gavin stopped coming in early for his coffee, and didn't bother to prolong his commute for the stop either. Two weeks later, he'd begun to favor  the coffee shop closer to work for his lunch breaks, and let thoughts fade of his usual place.

It wasn't that their coffee was any better; he just couldn't find the effort to go out of his way to go to the old place anymore. It was different. It didn't feel like his place anymore, and he couldn't much find a reason why. Suzie's was closer anyway; only a block walk from the station, even if the coffee wasn't quite as good, the convenience made up for it.

Not to mention, the less time he spent walking, the more time he could spend working, and with the elevated counts of rogue androids in the city he was needed more than ever. Rumors of an uprising and of feeling androids whispered through the city, though he didn't pay them any mind. A fantasy of robots with feelings didn't make their human victims any less dead, or homicide any more legal. Still, every once in a while, the memory of that long moment of hesitation and the flickering of Richard's LED had him wondering if all rumors had root in truth after all. He tried not to dwell on it. Realistically, Richard had either been 'decommissioned' or 'recalibrated' and in either case, there was no reason for him to be anywhere on Gavin's radar anymore.

Malfunctioning, the replacement had said. Malfunctioning, like he had a glitch or dropped too many dishes or messed up customers orders. Malfunctioning, like giving away free pastries after closing time. Malfunctioning, like misinterpreting the actions of a pathetically lonely detective.

It was raining the night he followed Anderson into Carlos Ortiz's home, where the murder had taken place. They milled around, looking at eerily lit evidence and the filth of a drug addict's dwelling, until Gavin thought to look up and had Hank help him climb into the attic.

He interrogated an android, and suddenly it was all too real. There was blue blood all over the table, and he could still hear the android's panicked ramblings long after he was dismissed for the night. He walked for a while, and while the rain had stopped the sidewalk was still wet enough for his shoes to be soaked through. Ortiz's android felt. It was scared and stressed and confused, and those were all decidedly things that it had not been programmed to be.

His legs took him to the old coffee shop, and as he moved inside to get some fuel and clear his mind a little, he thought he saw Richard for a brief moment. He rubbed his eyes, figuring he was more tired than he realized, then looked back up to the counter. Sure enough, Richard was standing there, staring.

"Large coffee, nonfat milk, one sugar. To go." Gavin breathed slowly, not making eye contact. Richard stalled before turning away and grabbing an already prepared cup from the back counter and handing it over.

"You're Gavin." He said.

"Yeah, that's me, tin can." Gavin couldn't help but smile at the sound of his own name as he passed over his payment and took the cup.

"Enjoy." Richard offered plainly, watching Gavin with a serene expression until Gavin turned slowly and left.

It was awkward. Gavin figured if Richard had been human, he couldn't have expected much more than some kind of fumbling awkwardness remaining from their last encounter. But, Richard wasn't human, and he'd said Gavin's name like it meant nothing to him. He'd had Gavin's coffee waiting, even though Gavin hadn't been there in months, and it wasn't really hot anymore, like it'd been sitting there for a while. There had been no indication that Richard remembered, though, and Gavin knew there was no chance that he would have been returned to work without some kind of reformation for his 'malfunction'.

He wasn't going to let himself be pulled into all of it again. Richard wasn't human; he wasn't Gavin's friend or his anything. Customer files had been left in his system, probably. He'd seen Gavin walking down the street and just remembered a formerly regular customer and their order, and while Gavin was musing over his wet shoes, he made the order. He didn't owe Richard his company just because he memorized his order like any other regular customer's. He couldn't force friendship on a service bot that couldn't say no, and, yeah, he was kind of an asshole for doing it in the first place.

A pathetic asshole.

-----

He propped his feet on his desk as he reasoned with himself over a game of solitaire on his phone. He had no reason to feel rejected, he had no reason to feel even more lonely than he did on his birthday. He had no reason to ignore the cup from Rosie's because of any of it, either. He let himself get lost in his game and refused to think about all the mushy stuff that made up the smaller parts of Gavin. He shut himself off so completely that he didn't notice one of the station androids hovering next to his desk.

"Detective Reed?" She reasoned, and when he didn't answer, she reached a hand out to his shoulder and repeated herself, making Gavin jump at the contact.

"Fuck, what do you want?!" He barked at her, dropping his feet and straightening defensively.

"There is someone here, in the lobby, requesting to see you personally. It is an android. They said you ordered delivery."

"I didn't order anything. Must be malfunctioning--"

Malfunctioning, like making a coffee for a customer that didn't come anymore.

Gavin stood, though frowning, and followed her back to the receptionist's desk. There, behind it, stood Richard.

"Gavin, I was wondering if you had a moment to talk." He was holding a coffee, steam piping out of the little vent on the top.

"Yeah, I got time." Gavin shrugged, letting himself be led outside. It was brisk, but sunny. The fresh air brightened him a little.

"I was recalibrated to correct processing malfunctions in my system four months and three weeks ago." Richard stated abruptly as he faced Gavin."I had made an inappropriate gesture to a customer, and my owners were concerned that I had been affected by deviancy. I was returned to work three weeks later." He was practically rambling, if his speech hadn't sounded so formal and calculated. "Every day since then, I have made this same coffee, four times a day, without being prompted to." He held out the cup to Gavin. Gavin took it slowly, watching Richard carefully. "I am afraid I lied to you."

"Lied to me?" Gavin gaped at the sudden change of context. "Androids can't lie." he demanded.

"Deviant androids can." Richard posed, scrutinizing Gavin's expression. "And to correct the mistruth I told you: some androids have feelings, and certainly can have feelings for humans." He admitted. Gavin waited for further explanation and received nothing.

"You're saying that you have feelings?"

"Since I've no prior experience to go on, it's hard for me to process, but I do know I have both positive and negative preferences for arbitrary things." He explained. He looked nervous. "For example, I do not like cleaning up spilled drinks. I do not like the idea of being recalibrated again. I do like being in your presence."

"So you brought me free coffee now? For what? Because you like seeing me?"

"My owners were not pleased that I continued making drinks for customers that did not exist. They were going to send me back to Cyberlife to be fully decommissioned. I… I didn't want to die." His LED shone yellow for a quick moment. "I knew that If I was dead, I wouldn’t be able to see you again, and I did not want that. The idea caused forty-two separate system errors."

"Because of fuckin' me?" Gavin frowned. He wasn't worth that, and he knew it.

"Entirely because of the concept of not seeing you again. I could not let that happen, so I made your coffee, paid for it, and left."

"You bought me a coffee." Gavin felt like the king of intelligent responses. "How? Why?" Richard hesitated for a long moment

"Well, a very kind customer tipped me generously once, despite my protests." He flashed that genuine smile again, as Gavin took a sip of the, as usual, perfectly made coffee. "And I've since learned, that an appropriate way of initiating a romantic relationship is to buy your interest a meal or beverage."

"Gavin choked "Jesus, fuck that's hot." He whimpered, forcing himself to swallow the scalding drink.

"I did make it extra hot so it would still be warm when I got it to you."

"Well, mission accomplished." Gavin grumbled, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.

"Gavin, I really would like to take you on a date." Richard frowned at the lack of response to his admission.

"Well, I'm working right now. Not off 'til four." He shrugged dismissively. No need to refuse when he didn't have a choice in working.

"Oh." His tone dropped the confidence Gavin had never noticed, but only knew of now that it was gone. "I suppose I shouldn't have presumed. Thank you for indulging me, I hope I didn't interrupt your day too much."

"I didn't say no." Gavin piped up, hit with a pang of guilt. "I get coffee after work too." He could feel himself flushing, "Maybe I can buy you a cup?"

"Gavin, I have no need for food or drink."

"Then maybe you can just come so I can have some company?" Gavin tried for a small smile, despite feeling like an absolute idiot.

"I would like that."