#dazai x reader angst no comfort
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➽ 𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐒𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐄𝐑 (𝐈𝐈)
☁ Pairing: Dazai Osamu x gn!reader
☁ Category: Angst
☁ Synopsis: Every time he holds you closer, he can’t help but think of his previous love. You left the agency in order to move on and recover, leaving Dazai in pain.
☁ Note: A continuation of Part 1 of Glimpse of Her. Originally, I didn't plan on making a second part for this since I'm out of ideas, but some of you insisted, so here you go. This story sounds so much better in my head. ;// 08/16/2023
Part 1
Since then, a week has gone by without your presence at the agency. Others started to worry and tried contacting you. They knew what had happened and were utterly disappointed with Dazai. Of course, he received tons of smacking from Kunikida for being such an idiot.
Dazai sat at his desk, staring into the distance. He absentmindedly fiddled with the slack bandage covering his arm, almost ripping it out. Normally, he would replace them with new ones, but does that really matter right now? He couldn’t think of anything other than you circling his mind.
It was unusual, to say the least, for the Agency to be so quiet.
He signed softly and leaned his head on his desk. The pain, guilt, and regret have been weighing heavily on his mind. He despised himself for how he exploited you for his own pleasure; how he only loved you because you reminded him so much of her, yet despite everything he had done to you, you continued to love him dearly, and that made him feel extremely guilty.
What good would it do, he thought, to apologize when he knew it wouldn't repair the pain he had caused?
Honestly, even if he knows he's done something wrong, he's not the type to apologize, but to you? He's unbelievably tender, almost making Kunikida choke and die with the change of Dazai’s personality around you.
He thought about what might possibly happen if you hadn't accepted his feelings in the first place. Will you both be content with your lives as friends or just happy as companions?
He doesn’t know the answer to that.
He sighed and stood up, proceeding towards the exit. This is something he always does to clear his mind. He'll go somewhere where he can be alone and think without being interrupted by people.
He twisted the doorknob, ignoring Kunikida's exasperated yells. He proceeded through the corridors and down the stairs, ignoring everyone in the agency. He just wants to get out and be by himself right now. Most eager to find you. Yes, he's worried.
As he was ready to leave the building, he was stopped by Ranpo's plaintive voice from the President's room.
“EHH? WHAT? You’re leaving?! (Name), don’t leave me!” was all Dazai heard as he walked back almost immediately and stood in front of the president's office. He grasped the doorknob, hesitant to enter. Dazai knew you didn't want to see him, but it's been a week, so this would be an opportunity to talk to you.
He broke out in a cold sweat as the thought of you leaving passed through his head. This felt like a kick to the gut for Dazai. He doesn’t want you to leave. He’s already lost the people he cared for, and now you? His grip tightened, and a familiar feeling rose up in his chest. He knew he was the reason, yet he ashamedly admits he doesn’t want you to leave. Even if you don’t talk to him, seeing your presence safe in the agency is already enough for him.
But what did he expect? This is clearly the consequence of his foolish actions.
He stood there for a moment, debating whether he should go in or just wait for you to come out. He gritted his teeth as his breath became shallow. His heart was hammering against his ribs. Despite being able to control his heart rate, he couldn’t stop it. Dazai wasn’t familiar with the sensation, as it was the first time he had felt this way, and it left him feeling overwhelmed and out of character, almost making him cringe.
He snapped back to reality when he heard a familiar voice behind the door. "Don't worry, Ranpo-san, I'll still come by and bring you sweets," you muttered as you opened the door, unaware of the person behind it. You collided with something, or more specifically, someone's chest. You looked up to see who it was, making you suck in a breath. You took a step back and instantly adjusted your stance. You silently closed the door behind you while staring at the individual in awkward silence.
Why now?
You thought as you pursed your lips. You were helpless and simply stood there, staring at the man who had broken you. Thoughts of ignoring him and leaving as if you didn't know him crossed your mind, but something inside of you keeps you from doing so. Possibly anxious?
Breathing nervously, you were taken aback by his sudden embrace, causing you to halt in place and your eyes to widen. Dazai didn’t know what pushed him to do that, but he didn’t care; he just felt the need to hold you in his arms.
"(Name), you’re safe. I’ve missed you so much, my bella-"
"-please get off of me." You spoke as you firmly pushed him away. You could have sworn you saw the anguished expression he made, but you were too perplexed to even care about that. Right now, you just want to be eaten by the ground and be alone. Just seeing him makes your heart tighten.
"(Name), belladona, can we talk this out? Please talk to me," He said in a pleading tone, taking a step closer to you, but you were too hurt to even want to hear of any of his pathetic reasons. You didn't want to take a chance of getting hurt again, especially when he made it clear that he took advantage of your feelings.
Sweat began to gather on your forehead as you fought back tears that threatened to form in your eyes. You were at a loss for what to do in this uncomfortable situation. You didn't want to cry in his presence. You just want to be away from him and be alone.
When he didn't hear you respond, his heart tightened, a clear indication to him that you didn't want to talk to him. Normally he would pester the person and force them to speak to him, but this time was different. He knew you didn’t want to, so he had no choice but to let you go.
You muttered a low ‘excuse me’ as you walked past Dazai, leaving a pit inside of his stomach. You surpassed the impulse to cry as you exited the building. It's probably the last time you'll ever set foot on it. As much as Dazai wanted to hold your wrist to stop you, he just can’t bring himself to do it. But if he can, he will, even if it means screaming at him, just for you to stay.
His heart sank when you disappeared from his sight. The person he loved was leaving him again, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Even if he wanted to, he just couldn’t. In that moment, everything seemed to slow down as he watched the person who had made him feel understood disappear from his life forever.
Ranpo knew it was coming as he walked out of the President's office, peering at the man's amber eyes with his emerald ones in disappointment.
"Honestly, did you love them? Or was it simply the way they treated and loved you that made you love them?" Ranpo inquired solemnly, already knowing the answer to his question. Despite Ranpo's childish demeanor, he becomes serious in circumstances like this if you’re involved. You were like a sister to Ranpo, and watching you leave the agency sent thousands of knives through his chest. He couldn't help but blame the brunette for your departure.
Dazai turned his gaze to where you had left. He did love you. He loves you with all his heart. But there were times that he'd see you as her, and he couldn’t help but miss her solace. But of course, that is no excuse for him to make you stay.
He didn’t immediately respond, but after a moment of silence, he replied, “With all my heart.”
“How can you say that? You broke their heart.”
He sighed deeply and said, “I know, and for that, I'm forever sorry. But I want you to know that I never meant to hurt them. I loved them more than anything in the world. I still do.”
‘Never meant? that’s bullshit.’ Ranpo thought to himself. Although Ranpo isn’t the type of person to curse, what Dazai said made him look at him in disbelief.
After a long pause, Dazai continued, “I know how much pain I caused them, and I don’t expect them to forgive me. But I want them to know that they’ll always have a place in my heart.”
If he hadn't messed up in the first place, surely your relationship would not have ended up this way.
But his actions were a choice, not a mistake, right?
Right.
Before turning around, Ranpo took a final look at the brunette and then closed his eyes.
“The hardest part of love isn’t falling in or out of it. It’s learning how to pick yourself up and move on.” and with that, Ranpo left the brunette dumbfounded.
As he stood there dumbfounded, a sudden realization slowly began to dawn on Dazai. He was coming to understand something he had never quite fully realized before. He blinked a few times as he breathed out a breath he was holding before starting to move again.
Maybe… Just maybe one day he'll find a glimpse of us.
Part 1
Bonus part: It's been 6 years since you last visited the agency, and you're now blissfully engaged to someone amazing. You haven't seen or heard from your former colleagues in a long time, so inviting them to your wedding would be a fantastic idea.
And what about Dazai? He hasn't changed since you left. Consider his distress when he receives your wedding invitation. To be honest, he deserves it. That was something he did to himself. But part of him is relieved that you've found happiness.
He was hesitant to attend your wedding, but Ranpo persuaded him to do so. (Lmao He wanted him to feel your anguish 6 years ago.)
#angst#dazai osamu#dazai osamu x reader#dazai osamu x reader angst#dazai#dazai x reader#dazai x reader angst#fanfiction#bungou stray dogs x reader angst#bungou stray dogs x reader#bsd x reader angst#bsd x reader#angst no comfort#dazai x reader angst no comfort#bsd
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hiii hello vani<3 may i request smt angsty with dazai and reader in which he’s acting neglectful/unfaithful as a partner and you just deal with it? but you don’t hate him or anything you’re just really sad about it hehe tysm ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡
☾⋆.ೃ࿔* ghostin
gif creds fybugoustraydogs | divider creds benkeibear
₊ ⊹☁ pairing: dazai x gn!reader
₊ ⊹☁ genre: angst :,)
₊ ⊹☁ content warnings: distant/neglectful relationships; canon mentions of double suicide bc dazai lol...i couldn't bring myself to write a cheating dazai i'm sorry T~T inspired by ghostin + better off by ariana grande!
₊ ⊹☁ word count: 1.9k
You shivered under the cold sheets when your alarm had woken you up. The space next to you was empty, your lover nowhere to be found.
It had been like this for months now, but it was nothing new due to the nature of his job. Dazai always became distant right before handling a new enemy for the Armed Detective Agency. He only disclosed vague details to you, explaining that withdrawing himself was a way to protect you since he didn’t want enemies knowing about you. Before leaving, he’d muttered something about keeping you away from “the demon”.
But you had to admit, the feeling of being 'safe' from a far away, unknown enemy didn't compare to being wrapped in your lover's arms, the soft kisses on your forehead, gently running your hands through his brown fluffy hair, and whispering sweet nothings to eachother. You missed his corny jokes and the nights you two would have together after drinking too much sake, giggling on the floor and watching the stars on your open balcony—Dazai always pointing out the constellations and telling you the stories and lore behind each one.
He had been staying at a secret location far from your shared apartment, so the sheets didn’t smell like his musky, warm cologne anymore. The space felt ghostly now, and hanging out with your friends barely helped. Stirring a sugar cube and cream into your morning coffee, the things they said repeated in your head.
“Just break up with him..."
"You don’t deserve someone who ignores you—especially if he puts work above you…”
"He's definitely cheating on you with all the travel he's always away on..."
Your friends didn’t understand though. They didn’t understand the depth of your relationship or how Dazai loved you. He was a reserved man; he didn't let anyone into his heart, always putting on a flamboyant front to mask his true self. Even becoming his partner and finally moving in with him was a feat in itself and was something he'd hesitantly accepted. You knew he had a traumatic upbringing and that the ones he cared for eventually left his life, often in a tragic way; the last thing his broken heart could take was losing you.
Which was why you put up with the cold sheets in the morning, the single serving meals, and all the sad movie nights alone—because deep down, you knew he cared about you. Your lonely conscious couldn't handle any other explanation.
You tiredly shaped the triangular onigiri filled with snow crab and placed it in the wooden bento box, along with some tamagoyaki and salad, savoring the momentary heat in your hands. It was Dazai's favorite lunch—something you used to pack for him everyday. You forcibly dragged yourself out of bed to make it for him after receiving a text—from an unknown number, of course—that he was stopping by the apartment to grab something. You knew it was futile waking up early; it wouldn't stop him from leaving with no explanation, from not being targeted by the port mafia, the hunting dogs, or "the demon". How silly and lovesick you were.
Closing the lid, you put the dishes in the sink and placed a piece of bread into the toaster, staring intently as you waited for it to finish, which seemed like forever. You took a sip from your mug, cringing when the lukewarm liquid touched your tongue. Shit, your coffee had gone cold. That never happened when he was still there.
The lock clicking snapped you out of your somber thoughts, and you turned your head around to face the self-inviting visitor. Gaze softening, you admired the tall man in front of you, wrapped in a tan trench coat, which you instinctively slipped off from behind him, his tense shoulders relaxing under your fingertips as you draped the coat on a nearby chair. Wordlessly, you both exchanged melancholic glances before Dazai made the first move, stepping forward to close the space between you two. His slender fingers slowly came up to caress your face, the foreign touch making your cheeks heat up. Leaning forward, he closed his eyes and placed a soft kiss on your cold lips, "Hi, bella."
Forcing yourself to open your lids again and not overindulge in the much needed contact, you smiled at your lover, but it didn't quite connect back to your eyes, "Welcome hom—errr—back...You needed something from here, right?" You replied, choosing your words carefully so he couldn't hear your evident desperation.
Dazai blinked carefully, "Yeah, a flash drive. It's in one of the kitchen cabinets. Is it fine if I look around for a bit?" You nodded, looking down at the tiled floor and smiling at nothing. Dazai was always like that, hiding important things in the most impractical places as a precaution. As he fished through the cabinet, he turned his head briefly to look down at the abandoned mug sitting on the counter, "Is that for me?"
You wiped the nostalgic grin off your face, reaching for your coffee, which you'd made in Dazai's usual mug, "A-Ah, no. It's mine, sorry," Dazai raised an eyebrow at you, "I made it earlier this morning, but it's cold now. I'll make you some more." You offered, trying to brush off his suspicions and the strange looks he was giving you.
He sighed, stroking your hair lightly, "It's fine, darling, brew yourself a new cup, and I'll drink this one." He gave you one last reassuring pat before picking up the mug and slipping away into your shared room to look for something else, giving you no time to protest. What seemed like a sweet gesture really had a double meaning: I'm not staying long enough for a new batch of coffee, so I'll just take the cold cup.
A pit formed in your stomach as you dumped out the used coffee filter and reached for a new one. Your vision started to blur, stopping you before you could open the lid of the coffee grounds. Wet drops falling on the back of your hands made you realize you were crying. Instinctively, you brought your hands up to cover your mouth and block any sobs from Dazai, who was still next door in your bedroom.
Stop it.
You tried to coerce yourself, but you couldn't help it. The despair was too agonizing; to have the one you needed most close to you but not being able to tell them to stay, to hold you, especially since you knew how precious you were to him—if you asked, he'd drop everything to stay the night with you. Everyone at the ADA was aware of that, which was why they'd sat you down and conveyed that you couldn't dote too much on Dazai. You understood that and had stayed by his side anyways, knowing that being with him sometimes was better than never. Even if it broke your heart in the process. Even if it meant crying silently in the kitchen while your lover was in the next room, oblivious to the tears wetting your sleeves.
Deep down, you wished he would notice the pain you were in. You wished he would text and call you more or at least take you out to dinner and do special things when he'd finally come back, but he always resumed your daily routines almost like he'd never left. It made your heart ache, feeling like he disregarded his long leaves and their effects on you. You sniffled quietly and quickly wiped your tears away upon hearing rustling from the bedroom doorway signaling that Dazai was almost done grabbing what he needed.
Inhaling deeply, you breathed in and out slowly to calm your frantic heart and turned to the side to face the counter as your partner walked back into the kitchen.
"Found what you were looking for?" You asked, trying to cover your face with your hair and sneakily wipe away any residual tears.
Dazai swiftly passed by you, going towards the chair to slip his trench coat back on and grab the lunch you'd made him. "Yeah, I found it. Thanks for the bento and coffee by the wa—" Your eyes widened as he trailed off mid-sentence, all of a sudden feeling his presence next to you. He bent down to peer over at your face, evidently still swollen and a bit red from crying.
He rotated your body towards him and pushed the stay hairs from your face, intently observing your features. "Bella, have you been crying?" He stroked your cheeks delicately, "And your eyebags are so dark...have you been getting enough sleep?" He looked genuinely worried, peering into your eyes for any sort of insights, but it was too hard to maintain eye contact with him.
"I'm fine...I—" You muttered, words trapped in your throat.
Tell him you miss him. That you don't want him to leave you again.
No, don't! Let him walk out as usual. Your sadness isn't worth letting a countless number of innocent people get harmed or killed.
Thoughts conflicting and wearing your tired soul out, you only mustered a weak smile, placing your cold hands on top of Dazai's. "If I died now, would you still die with me?"
"What?"
"You promised we'd commit a double suicide together. Would you still—" Dazai's arms wrapped around you, pulling you into him, his warmth and comforting scent making tears fall again, not knowing the next time he would be back. You cursed yourself internally for breaking down in front of him, but you couldn't hold your emotions in any longer. He only held you silently, running his hands through your hair as you sobbed into his chest. You felt lightheaded, crying for several minutes, the only condoling things being the scent of Dazai's cologne and the way he held you to remind you he was still with you.
You looked up from his chest, gazing into his chocolate brown eyes, which were swirling with uncertainty. A pained expression was on his face, no doubt from your actions. "I'm sorry, my love. I'm so sorry..." He lifted your face up to kiss your lips gently and kiss away your salty tears before pulling you back into his chest. "I was selfish to think you wouldn't be hurt by me always being away. I tried to turn a blind eye to focus on work, but..." He exhaled shakily, "...somehow I always hurt the people closest to me...even the one I love the most."
Dazai squeezed you tighter in his arms, "I love you, and I know we'll get past this, darling. I don't expect you to forgive me, but please, please don't think of resorting to that." He cradled your face, forcing you to look up at his broken eyes.
This was the power you had over him. Prison, criminals, and even the mafia couldn't break him anymore, but your tears could melt his gaudy, confident facade instantaneously and bring him to his knees. Exactly what everyone warned you about.
You nodded slowly, the last of your cry session being wiped away by Dazai's thumbs. You hugged him back, listening as his rampant heartbeat went back to normal, staring off to the side.
"Listen, bella, I'm going to be gone for a few months. I suspect I'm going to be arrested and sent to a high-security prison...probably somewhere overseas. We won't—we won't be together for a while." You heaved, holding your breath, "But," He turned your head to face him, "I'm going to stay here for a couple of days until then. Is that okay?"
Before you could think, you crashed your lips on his, and Dazai only happily kissed back, smiling, grateful to have cheered up his love again.
"Y-Yeah, that's fine. I love you, Osamu." You sniffled back. He could stay forever if he wanted to, but you'd take a few days.
"I love you, too, bella. I always will, even when I'm not with you. Enough for the both of us."
#vanilladove#vanilladovebsd#dazai x reader#dazai osamu x reader#dazai x reader angst#dazai osamu bsd#dazai osamu#bsd dazai#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs x reader#bsd angst#bsd x reader#bsd x reader angst#yes i added a nana reference and what about it#i added comfort + good ending bc i'm a sad bitch at heart
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~ a little something about the complicated way you and Dazai acknowledge each other's feelings ~
"We can't let it end like this. We simply can't."
"Dazai, what are you talking about? I'm literally just going on my lunch break."
"... I'll find a way for us to be together! Someday!"
You've been bickering back and forth with him ever since you stepped foot in the agency this morning, or more like he's been performing a whiney one sided narrative that you and your co-workers are more than familiar with. Though it's only ever directed at you. The confusing declarations of love, the lack of personal space, and then there are the days he won't even look or speak to you at all. It was emotional whiplash, but you did your best to drown out the feelings he evoked in you.
Dangerous ones you wouldn't dare indulge in, because if so, you get the feeling your heart would never recover from a man like Dazai. You grab your wallet, and push in your desk chair when he calls out to you once more in a much more serious tone, one that sounds bored.
"If you must leave, will you please pick up something on your way back for me?"
"What is it this time?"
"Bandages, I suppose"
He says that like it's an afterthought, like he couldn't care less for whatever he was asking for.
He's been asking you to go on odd little shopping trips for him for weeks now, and you being the dog you are, say yes every single time. You think about how Dazai loathes dogs. It makes you physically ill the way you feel about him. Whatever it is. You nod, and reply softly.
"Okay. Sure."
"So compliant! If I didn't know any better l'd say you're madly in love with me. Should we run off into the sunset and get married?"
You simply stare at his sardonic smile for a long while, and he stares back. It's like you're sending each other psychic waves, secret messages only you two could decode. Only you two could fathom. He stares into you with that piercing gaze of his, the one that might as well call you an idiot for ever thinking there's a real person behind his heavenly face. His eyes are pretty, they make yours feel dull in comparison. After a while, a faint half smile creeps onto your lips, trying to feign the same indifference as his. You fail, obviously.
"Mm, sounds too hopeful, even for you."
"Yikes! Right you are. Commitment. How awful.... No one wants that kind of trouble."
Dazai states cruelly, leaning back into his chair at his desk, arms crossed. He has to bite down to keep from smiling and giggling like a fool, as this is exactly what he wishes would happen.
His heart flutters for a brief moment at the visual of such a fantasy, such privilege to have you forever. He knows how badly you secretly want this too, but he doesn't plan on putting you out of your misery just yet. Shame on you to think of him as a real person who's allowed to pursue the things he wants! He continues when he sees you've gone completely silent, standing with your keys in your hand like a mannequin.
"Besides, I'm sure you've met plenty of other guys that are far more suitable for you. I mean, look at me, I used to be a criminal." He winks at you, hinting at his sketchy past. He's such a fantastic performer when he's at his worst.
"... And no one wants that kind of trouble, right?" You echo his past words back to him, once again failing to match his rejection.
"Oh you wretched little creature. Right again!"
You can't take much of this any longer, smiling politely as you simply turn around, and walk out of the agency. Your eyes sting.
Dazai just sits there, staring at the door, counting the seconds until you're back. He rests his chin on his palm, unblinking. He taps his fingers on the desk, and lets out a deep sigh. It's all he does, all he looks forward to every single day you leave.
You finally come back nearly an hour later, carrying a small bag and leftovers from your lunch. He lights up like the moon during the clearest night sky, and stands up immediately. His demeanor completely changes as he flashes you a delighted grin, rushing to you.
"You're back~"
"Yeah, here are your bandages."
"My what?"
"The bandages you asked for..?"
His eyes widen for a moment, and then he chuckles, shaking his head. He flicks his own forehead.
"Of course! Thank you. Now, may I have the receipt as well?"
He looks excited, his open palm cupped in front of you, as if you were giving him a treat. You raise a brow and shrug, handing him the crumpled piece of paper. You don't even question it anymore. He frowns. You think he looks like a disgruntled little kid.
"Ugh. You wrinkled it."
"What? Why does it matter?"
"Well I obviously wanted to keep it, silly goose."
You try to make sense of what he could possibly mean, and you decide it's not worth getting into. You can't afford the heartache nor the brain cells.
"That's the weirdest thing you've ever asked me."
"Not true. I've never asked you for a kiss~"
You almost drop to the floor with the way his eyes darken, despite his tone being the complete opposite. You stare at him yet again for what feels like ages, your heart set ablaze, with Dazai being the pyromaniac who won't let your embers die out of his own amusement. Your voice comes out low, meek.
"Well I'm clearly not the person you dream of, so no."
You could swear his awful smirk falls off just a tiny bit, but any evidence of that is gone in a blink of an eye. His voice comes out soft and laced with a hint of honeyed bitterness.
"And if you weren't, l'd dream of you anyway."
He mutters under his breath as he looks out the window, as if you weren't supposed to hear that. the sun is slowly setting and the moon will illuminate soon after. He wishes he could see what you look like at night.
You roll your eyes because if you don't, you'll bury your face in his chest and sob. Oh, he's the worst. You put on your best cynical voice followed by a scoff.
"That's lovely, Dazai."
"You look lovely." He states simply, still looking at the way the moon ghosts in the sky.
"... Thank you."
"It's my pleasure." He murmurs, solemnly. In that moment, you don't catch it, but he's telling you he loves you too.
And just like that, you slowly walk past him and sit at your desk. You might have a stroke, but you still have reports to finish.
Dazai quietly does the same, sitting down and opening a drawer, and then a secret compartment within it. He glances at you for a moment, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he flashes you an exaggerated smile when you catch him looking, then turns his attention back down, the smile dropping.
He places the wrinkled receipt into a larger stack of countless other receipts, all from past errands you've run for him lately. He smoothes it carefully, for it is a priceless sentiment amongst his collection of the things you so graciously give him. It's pathetic, but it's like holding your hand. It's like kissing you. It's like true love.
#i didnt mean for this to come off as angsty as it did#i promise YOURE IN LOVE... ITS COMPLICATED OFC#he's complicated and just rubs off on u bc if u didnt adapt u would fall apart and so would he#also this is long bear w me :(#i love him i love the idea of him collecting ur receipts it's oddly specific#i love u guys thank u for supporting my ramblings of the WORST MAN ALIVE#freakzai my beloved#he's a freak and he's sooo obsessed with u he keeps those receipts for his heart#bungou stray dogs#dazai x reader#bsd dazai#dazai x you#osamu dazai#osamu dazai x reader#bsd x reader#dazai imagines#dazai angst#hurt/comfort#gn reader#dazai osamu#bungo stray dogs
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Hii!! Can I req Chuuya x SH reader? Can be both angst and fluff, you don't have to tho if you don't wanna <3
𝓒𝓱𝓾𝓾𝔂𝓪 𝔁 𝓖𝓝! 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻
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This is another thing i didn't expect people to request, and it brings me so much comfort when i find sh comfort fanfics:(
If you are struggling with sh please know i'm always open to talk if you want:) and i'll try to comfort you to the best of my ability! (i'm usually not on here during the day so you can ask me for my discord in dms)
I'M SO SRRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO MAKE I REALLY NEEDED A BREAK SINCE I WAS SO STRESSED FROM SCHOOL 😭
Also, English isn't my first language so please dont mind any spelling errors!!
TW: SH, gore? Talk about fresh SH cuts, Might be ooc😓 please tell me if i missed anything!
Words: 1,3k
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sometimes in life things don't go the rigth way, is what people say, they say "sometimes in life things don't go the way we want, but thats just how it is"
But right now it felt like absolutely nothing was going the right way, you felt like the whole world was against you, like you were some useless peace of garbage that could be thrown out at anytime, like there was no one in this damn world that would sit down and listen to your pityfull problems. you were at your abselut worst.
And the only thing that could help the with it was the razor in your hand, which is cutting your thigh. you move almost like a robot, you don't even feel the pain of the razor anymore. everything seems like a dream, all the blood coming out of your cuts and dripping and mixing in with the water of the bathtub, your vision being slightly blury.
You can feel your heart pounding in your chest as you bring your razor to your Radial vein. you shake slightly as you look down at your wrist debating if you should cut it or not.
As you start breathing faster you look at the suicide note you left on the chair next to the bathtub. you wondered how long it would take for chuuya to find you, would he even care if you died?
you feel tears start to run down your face and you start to sniffle uncontrollably.
As you're about to cut the vein you hear a loud knock on the door, "[name]? baby are you in there..?" your boyfriend chuuya asks in a quiet voice.
You quickly wipe your tears and panic a bit as you didn't lock the door since you weren't expectinc chuuya to come home this early, "Y-yeah.." you say trying to not sound sad, but knowing chuuya he most likely heard the saddnes in your voice.
"Darling.. is something wrong..?" He asks in a conserned voice, "i'm just.. washing my hair" you try to come up with an exuse while your whole body is shaking. "Darling, you washed your hair yestarday tho? are you really okay in there..?"
'Damn i forgot about that' you think while trying to find a place to hide the razor. While you panic you some how bump into the soaps and knock them down making a loud noise. "Baby are you okay? i'm coming in" he says and opens the door, "NO WAIT!" but before you can stop him, he has already opened the door and seen your cuts.
.....
.....
After a few moments of silence and staring at each other, chuuya finally makes a move closer to you.
"...Chuuya.. please i'm sorr-.." You try to explain but your voice starts to shake and you feel a lump in your throat. "...shh.." He quitelly walks closer to you and wipes the small tears that have started to for in your eyes.
"...I'm so sorry.. i k-know i said i'd.. try to stay clean for you.. i tried my best.. i swear.. i'm sorry.. please.. p-please don't get mad.." You sob as more and more tears start falling from your eyes. Your vision is starting to blur from all the tears, so much so that you can't even see chuuya anymore.
"....shh... darling.. i would never be mad at you.. what could ever make you think that..? i understand how hard it is to recover from something like this.." He whispers into your ear while holding you close, not even caring about the blood staining his clothes.
All you can do is cry and cry, you cant even manage to answer his question, all that came out if your mouth were pityfull sobs and 'i'm so sorry'. Chuuyas shoulder was becoming wet form all the tears but he didn't mind, he would do anything just so that you could feel better.
After some time of Chuuya trying to comfort you and trying to get you to tell what happened, did you finally calm down slightly, just enough for you to able to answer his questions.
....
Chuuya starts washing your cuts gently, you both sit there in silence with the only sound beinf your small sniffles and some small choked sobs.
After a few seconds chuuya decides to break the slience, "..Darling, please.. what happened that made you relapce..?" he asks with a gentle tone while holding your shaking hands in his. For a moment you stay slient, wiping your tears. "...i... i-i've...", you say in a shaky voice trying to break out into a crying mess again. Right at this moment you didn't know what to say, you really didn't know how to say what made you do it.
"...take your time..", Chuuya's soft voice snaps you out of your trance, you feel his thumbs rubbing on top of your hands in a comforting way.
"...its hard to say.... i-i don't know how to put it into words..", you whisper, hoping chuuya wouldn't be mad. You're scared he'll be mad at your answer, scared he'll force you to talk, force you like your mother would always do. You remember the first time you relapsed she got mad and forced you to talk, even when you were crying.
"..thats fine.. its not always easy to put something like this into words.." Chuuya caressed your back in a comforting way, making you want to just cry, cry so hard and let everything out, everything that has been bothering you, all your worries and troubles. You felt so comfortable in his arms, like you were safe. "would writing it help?", he asks and runs his fingers through your hair.
You burry your face in his neck and nod, feeling him pick you up and carry you over to your bedroom. He gently puts you on the bed and you slightly whine from the stinging pain that came from your cuts, holding back your tears. '..i'm sucha an idiot..' you think while watching chuuya leave the room to go get paper.
....
Chuuya comes back after some time with a piece of paper and a pen. He gives you the stuff and sits down next to you while waiting for you to write on the paper.
You sit there for a second before starting to write about how you've been feeling really insecure about yourself and thinking that you arent enough for him and that he should be with someone else. Once you're done writing you hesitate to give the paper back to chuuya for a bit, but you decide to just do it.
Once its in Chuuyas hands, you look away embaressed about the thngs you wrote, hoping he wouldn't judge you for it.
After a bit of silence, chuuya finally says something, "Darling.. why didn't you tell me..? i could've helped you feel better.." He says quietly and you just look down ashamed feeling like everything is your fult. You knew you should have told him, maybe then you wouldn't be in so much pain at the moment.
You felt like you were about to cry again, you felt weak. You just wanted to lay down and forget about the world around you.
"...i was scared.. i'i was so scared you'd be mad at me..." Your voice breaks as you try to explain everything to him. Chuuya sit there with you in his arms listening to you with a worried look on his face.
"...darling i would never hate you.. you're the most important person in my life, i would never be mad at you for relapcing.." He says while stroking your hair and rocking back and forth slowly. you hug him tight, like your scared he'll be gonne once you let go of him.
For the rest of the night chuuya keeps you in his arms while he comforts you and tells you how much he loves you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grr the end was rushed 😓😓
Anyways, pleae give me some feedback, it really helps me when people tell me what i should try to be better at.
Do not repost this on any other website without asking me first and giving me credit!!
Requests: Closed for now
#bsd#bungo stray dogs#chuuya#chuuya nakahara#chuuya x reader#chuuya comfort#chuuya bsd#chuuya x you#chuuya angst#chuuya x reader angst#chuuya x gn reader#chuuya x fem!reader#chuuya x male reader#male reader#gn reader#fem reader#dazai osamu#dazai x reader#bsd comfort#hurt/comfort#sh#comfort#dazai comfort#bsd x reader smut#dazai smut#chuuya smut#bsd anime#bsd fanart#bsd chuuya#bsd dazai
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when you’re hysterically crying, dazai doesn’t know what to do, really. sobs racking through your body as you curl into yourself and cry. it breaks his heart, so much more than he think it would hurt. so he settles for silently sitting beside you and stroking your hair, whispering sweet words for your comfort and in hopes you would calm down. you’re still sobbing. but it isn’t as bad as it was a few minutes earlier, and he continues his actions, humming, stroking, and promises to you. and when you’ve calmed down, eyes red, tears and snot all over your face, he envelopes you in a hug, embracing you tightly.
“i love you.”
#what if i told u i wrote this after a breakdown#I look the prettiest when I’m crying wtf#dazai x reader#dazai x reader comfort#x reader angst#bsd x reader fluff#Dazai x reader fluff#Dazai x reader#dazai osamu x reader#bsd fluff#bsd dazai#bungou stray dogs x reader#bsd x you#Dazai x you
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Hey love, hope your all right. So Hoe about dazai with an s/o who always acts cheery and all childish like him in order to hide their immense trauma. So whenever someone scolds Them bit too loud reader flinches but again brushes it off?? ❤️
SRRY IS THIS TOO LIKE ANGSTY I RLLY AM CRAVING FOR HURT TO COMFORT RN----
You don't have to do it BTW ^^
"it's okay... to not feel happy all the time."
taglist : @justcallmesakira @riiwrites @silverbladexyz @atlasnessie
warnings : angst to comfort, lowercase writing, cursing, mention of past abuse, evil exes(heheh scott pilgrim), kunikida is SOOOO out of character holy shiiitttt (╥﹏╥) not proofread, sorry!!
HAII BABEEEE!!! consider your cravings feed!! i'm actually like this irl omg is that why i'm so excited to write this???? hope you enjoy
i love dazai so much :( my back hurts from slouchinggg i'll have back problems by the time i'm fricking twenty!!!!
osamu dazai x gn reader
dazai
HEADCANONS ₊˚ෆ
you are so cute.
almost everyday is a new adventure for him when he's with you.
he's the first thing you see in the morning.
he opens his eyes and your all in his face like; "hi, sisters!!" and he literally shrieks, but don't tell anybody.
you start tickle fights with him all the time when you seem to be in an upset mood or just want to hear him laugh, but can you ever win?
he will play along with you because too be honest; he is just as childish as you are from time to time. ESPECIALLY when he's with you!!
you grab his arm a lot and jump up and down when something really gets you excited.
once, kunikida agreed to use his card to buy you some ice cream at the fair and you grabbed onto dazai's arm and almost slapped him in the face with his own hand.
he's never really understood why you get so like that over something so childish.
be glad it's not fyodor; SHEESH.
until, one evening.
you screwed up on a mission with atsushi; too which caused kunikida to throw his anger out on you. all the two of you were ordered to do, was to steal the documents you were ordered to retrieve in order to take down this small organization of scary gifted (not the port guys; •⤙•)
atsushi had to save you from a sudden attack, injuring him in the process, having no other choice but to retreat.
yosano treated him up right away.
atsushi noticed the way your arms would flinch up to your face each time kunikida would raise his voice, but honestly kunikida was just ranting about how stupid it was for you to get distracted over such a childish thing like a stray kitten.
he gave kunikida a look, saying to calm down and just go rage somewhere else without having you in the room.
after that you mentioned none of this to dazai; however atsushi thought telling him the way you reacted would be the right thing to do as both your friends.
SCENARIO ₊˚ෆ
"HOW can you be so careless, y/n?!"
it was almost like you felt a knife stab through your rib.
over and over for the past couple minutes kunikida has been going off about you getting distracted on the mission you and your weretiger friend, atsushi nakajima, were assigned on.
"i thought you would be perfect for this job because of how focused you were on all our other missions. WHAT HAPPENED?"
you gulped on your spit, your arms shalking from the once again booming voice come from kunikida.
it was a simple mistake-
"SIMPLE??"
atsushi side eyed you to see how you were holding as he was just awkwardly standing beside you as kunikida continued to just shout at you.
he would noticed your lips tremble ever so slightly, you head held down low as your fingers played with the fabric of your pants as you plucked up the courage to finally speak; "i'm sorry, kunikida. i didn't mean to screw up-"
"we'll, you wouldn't have to be sorry if you had just DONE YOUR JOB!"
your eyes were fixated on the floor still as you took in a deep breath, "jesus, i knew you were childish, but y/n what the fuck!?"
he swore.
atushsi was also getting a bit uncomfortable at kunikida's screaming session.
"atsushi got hurt on this mission, y/n, because you!"
without another word, you ran past atsushi who reached out t grab you back, however kunikida told him to let you go as he sat at his desk, removing his glasses, rubbing the bridge is nose.
with a frown he watched as you ran, looking at the carpeted floor to notice some tear stains following the exit.
you ran.
and ran, and ran, and ran.
into on coming traffic, past strangers who complained when you accidently bumped into them, and to yours and dazai's apartment.
there you were now. standing in the lobby of the apartment, the security guard awkwardly looking at you as you entered the elevator that has opened after a couple of seconds of waiting.
you used the mirror to look at yourself in as you quickly tried to wipe the tears away from your face, and maybe any makeup you may have had on? does it matter, it all melted away anyways!
your floor arrived, and the ding from the elevator dinged as you exit it and slowly walk toward the door of your home.
you fumbled for your keys that were in your pocket, even after all that running and bumping you did to get here, hands shaking with fear.
kunikida's voice echoed through your head; "are you really that childish? he never seemed to care...why does he have to shout?? there's no need for it, no? and even atsushi was there, double the embarrassment!!"
"'donna!?"
dazai's voice rang through your head as you looked up at him at the door step. oh, right, you unlocked the door but have yet to open it, causing osamu to do it for you.
"i thought you were at work, your shift doesn't end till..oh, well you still have 35 minutes?"
you pushed the thoughts in your head in the back of your mind, and gave him the biggest smile you could muster and hugged him, giggling and spinning around until you reached inside.
"don't worry, i just felt like coming home early to see my handsome and amazing boyfriend, who promised me ice cream waffles when i did get home!"
dazai chuckled, grabbing you by the waist and using his foot to close the door, managing to keep you in the air with one hand as he quickly used the other one to lock the door behind the two of you.
"well, i can tell someone's been excited all day?" you giggled, although your throat hurts from crying so much on the way here, dazai hadn't had seem to notice.
or so you think.
he placed you on the couch, gently kissing your lips before slowly pulling away. your eyes were still closed as he did and a smile on your face.
"feel free to choose whatever you like, my dear~" he taps the remote for the tv on your head and hands it to you; "well thank you kindly, my...man?"
he smiled at your cute comeback, causing you both to giggle as he walked to the kitchen.
you could hear him to rattle around with the toaster and opening and closing of fridges and freezers, probably for the ice cream.
when he was out of sight, you checked to feel anymore tears on your eyes and sniffled softly, not knowing dazai had already figured everything out.
"so, how was my sweethearts day, today? make any new friends?"
you chuckled, knowing he meant about the stray kittens you always seem to run to.
"it was alright, what about yours?" you tried to change the focus onto him, but he was smarter then that.
"mm, boring without my angel. day-off's are so sad without you," you heard the sound of the waffle popping out of the toaster, "didn't you have that mission today with atsushi? tell me, how did that go?
he expected the sudden silence that had filled the room. he scooped vanilla ice-cream into a small bowl for you; and only you, as he hummed.
"'donna, don't go quiet now. talk to me..."
you felt the tears roll back again. it was that voice that made you all emotional again. it was so soft and gentle, almost as if he's whispering into your when he's on the opposite of the room.
you took a shaky deep breath in as you stopped clicking the buttons on the remote, you stared at it, your hands shaking once again as you tried to control your crying.
dazai had a blank face was he added whip cream to top of the dish, and finally emerged from the kitchen...his eyes immediately on your figure which was seated on the couch, right where he left you, however your cute and childish personality wasn't.
he slowly walked over to you, his eyes drifting away from you to place the bowl on the table in front of you. you looked down to take a look at the dish; it was a waffle and ice cream scooped into it, like it's own bowl, and whip cream on the sides to give it the mountain shape, "you can do more then stare at it, ya'know?" he smiled, sitting beside you suddenly and wrapped an arm around your shoulder.
you felt yourself suddenly start crying; to which he pouts at; "it was first mission, darling, there will always be more-"
"IT'S NOT ABOUT ME FAILING IT!"
he looked at you like wide eyes and nod; "something more?"
you sighed loudly and hugged yourself, "it's just-" you kept stuttering due to your lack of breath from your sobbing,
"take your time, it's alright." he gently scratches your scalp to sooth you.
"kunikida...gohot so mahad...he...he yelled, he swore at him, he got close to my face...ahand the..thehe thoughts..ihi..ihi could only thihink abouhut my ex...whoho would do the sahame when i screhw something uhup.."
although you kept sniffling and breathing hard through, dazai understood each and every word.
his hands moved to rub the back of your neck, as his other held your hand tightly as you cuddled into him, your tears staining his dress shirt.
"ihi...just got schahared...ihi just whanted to...to have you...buhut i didn't want to bohother you with my prohoblems.."
dazai couldn't believe was he was hearing.
you, giving him problems about your mental health? what are you, MAD?? no, just insecure. which he understood completely.
"may i?" he asks, taking your cheeks in his one palm, making you look at him. not knowing what you agreeing to, he suddenly pulls you in for a tender, soft kiss.
you almost forgot what his kisses felt like, all the memories of your ex made you almost forget you have found somebody new, who will never, ever, want to hurt you without having any sense of what he's talking about.
moments later, he pulled away, placing his forehead to yours's as tears spilled from your eyes; however these were the tears that brought joy and happiness to your relationship.
he was never good with the words of comfort, however this is the reason why he is learning to be better, for you.
"there are bad, bad people in this world, and sometimes they change, some don't. i would know, but that doesn't mean everyone has such an evil heart. like you.." he chuckled, poking your chest, "you have such a pure heart, only the kindest of souls could ever have a chance to ever get close to it and open up to it. kunikida is just a grumpy man, when things don't go as planned he just goes.."
dazai circled his finger by his temple, causing that adorable smile to appear on your face.
"oh, there's that smiiile~" he laughed as he suddenly dig his long fingers into your soft sides, causing you to squeal and laugh immediately, "theres that smile, yeaah, awh~ your so cute, i could just eat you up-"
"DAHAZAI!"
you screeched when he nibbles on your neck, now tickling your upper ribs as well.
all those nasty thoughts that were in the back of your mind, dazai has a way of taking them and tossing them out the window and making sure you go to sleep with that cute smile on your face every night.
#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd x reader#bungo stray dogs x reader#bsd x y/n#bsd headcanons#dazai x reader#osamu dazai#dazai osamu#osamu dazai x reader#dazai osamu x reader#bsd dazai x reader#bsd dazai#x reader#bsd fluff#fluff#bsd comfort#angst to fluff#bungou stray dogs dazai#dazai fluff#dazai x you#dazai bsd#gender neutral reader#reader insert#my writing
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Hi!! I stumbled upon your blog yesterday and have been binge reading your stuff cause I love it so much!!! I have a request if they are still open and if you are still taking them!! I crave a little angst with comfort at the end where the reader almost does for them?? But they’re just severely injured T_T Maybe for Tetchou and Dazai and Chuuya if possible?? Thank you so much for reading till here and hope you’re doing well <3
Hello!! Agh, it makes me so happy to hear you love my stupid little fanfics. ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡ I apologize for the lateness but no worries, as promised your request shall be answered! Who doesn't love a little angst? So let's get to it! ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ ────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────
The Things You Do for Love
Angst--> Comfort
Ft. Tecchou, Dazai, Chuuya
────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────
Tecchou
He knew he shouldn't have brought you...for god sakes its military business. But he just had to give in didn't he? He couldn't deny your pleads to join him on a mission, his defenses crumbled at your sweet pout...and now look where his weak will power landed you two.
With a loud thud, your body heavily slammed into a concrete wall creating a small crater...your eyes struggled to stay open as you slumped forward. What had just happened? He told you to stay behind him, he told you to run away and prioritize your own life if the fight got too bad. The attack was aimed at him so why...why on earth did you jump in front of him?! Tecchous mind ran in turmoil, his body frozen in a defensive stance, holding his swords hilt as his hands trembled. He was fully ready to take the blow, if he got hit he could get back up, but you...you...
"[Name]!!", his voice broke as he immediately dropped his guard off the enemy and ran to you. His steps were staggered as he dropped his sword and grabbed you. His unsteady hands grasped your shoulders, shaking you as his eyes were wide in panic. "[Name]!! Can you hear me?! Open your eyes, talk to me!!", his voice leaked with desperation. Tecchou moved the hair out of your face to inspect your injuries only to be met with the horrible sight of his lover unconscious in his arms as their head bled. "No..nononono, no come on wake up look at me. Look at me come on open your eyes!" He tapped your cheek and after getting no response he checked your pulse. His eyes grew wide as he felt a feeble weak little heart beat. His breath became shaky as he held you close to his chest, allowing your forehead to stain his already crimson uniform. His face darkened as his eyes ran over your sprawled out figure all bloodied and beat up.
"Weak useless pawns should not be on the battlefield", the deep stern voice of the enemy rang out through the large building. Yet to Tecchou, it was nothing but background noise. Tecchou stood up, his arms carrying his beloved. He turned and looked at the filthy creature who dared lay a hand on you. "You..." Tecchous voice did not spare the enemy of its threatening tone. Tecchou raised his head, revealing his blood shot eyes as he reached for his sword. "Useless are the ones who hurt and torment the weak.", he barked. Before the enemy could retort, he felt a deep pain on his arm...or at least where it used to be. A loud cry of agony shot into the sky as blood poured on the concrete floors. Tecchou looked at the enemies severed arm, the same arm that caused you suffering. He glared at it and stepped harshly, his sheer stomp was enough to crack every bone within.
*Shing* a single sharp noise from his sword was all that was needed to cut the enemy into pieces, forever silencing his cries. He spared not a glance at the enemy as he carried you away. His lips quivered slightly as his eyes were hidden under the shadow of his hat.
After a while, he stopped walking at the feeling of soft shuffling in his arms. He looked down at you with hope and his eyes flooded with tears at the sight of your half lidded eyes. "Te...cchou?", your weak voice was enough to break him as he immediately wrapped his arms around you. Burying his face into your neck, his hands found their way around your back and into your hair. "[Name]...you're okay, you're alive.", his words aimed to reassure himself. "Don't ever do that again..", he sternly spoke into your skin. "Tecchou...you would have gotten hurt..." "Then allow me to be hurt!", he retorted. He held you tightly, as if letting go would make you disappear forever. "Don't ever do that again...I don't know what id do if I watched you slip through my fingers like that again...please, don't put me through that again...", his voice broke your heart and you couldn't bring yourself to turn down his request. "I just didn't want to see you get hurt", you explained. He tightened his hold on you and whispered, "I would choose a thousand deaths if it meant you could stay unharmed."
Closing your eyes, you rested your throbbing head against his chest as his arms held you. Your ears picked up on the rapid beats of his heart, a heart so devoted to you that it would surely break if he ever lost you.
Dazai
High pitched ringing followed by muffled voices filled your aching head. What was happening? Did you successfully complete the mission? Why was your body so stiff? Oh right, you took a heavy blow to the chest to shield Dazai, but it’s nothing major you should be fine right? Whose unsteady hands were holding you? Why were they shouting? These were your final thoughts before your vision went black.
You awoke in a familiar room. Gazing up at the white tiles you could faintly tell you were back at the agency. Your eyes fell on a vase full of beautiful flowers in the prime of their bloom, adding life to the otherwise bland room. Looking past the flowers, a man sat in a chair with a pensive look, his eyes stared at the floor seemingly lost in his own world. “Dazai…”, your frail voice was like a call from heaven to your lover as he immediately perked up with hope. He quickly stood up and walked over to the bed. “You’re awake,” his voice was deep and raspy, deprived of its usual cheerfulness. His slender hands found their way around your body in a tight embrace, allowing you to take in his comforting scent. “You had me so worried,” the way he spoke was enough to show you just how anxious and agitated he had been. His appearance wasn’t any better. His coat seemed tattered, his hair was messy seemingly due to running his hands through it so many times, and his eyelids drooped slightly. How long had it been?..
“I had Yosano heal your injuries, if there is any discomfort rest is the best option. Although resting is all you’ve been doing for 3 days…” he explained aiming to ease your confusion. “Three days?” “72 hours and 15 minutes to be exact…Ive been by your side waiting for you to wake up.”, he pulled away and stared at you. His hands moved down and took a hold of yours. “Why?”, hearing no response from you he grew more upset and continued to probe. His hands squeezed yours as his voice shook with anger and frustration,“Why did you jump into the fight? I told you I had a plan all you had to do was stay where I said. I-i put you there for a reason, i always have a reason and a way to keep you safe so why- why did you move?!”, his voice was drenched in anger but his fury was directed at himself. How could he not have taken your stubbornness into consideration? The love and devotion you have for him and his useless life to the point you’d risk your own for his. How could he have overlooked this potential outcome and taken measures to protect you?
Solemn silence filled the room as your lips stayed sealed. You didn’t know what to say…you had never seen him so agitated and vulnerable in your life. At this point in time, no words could be spoken���only actions could bring peace. You both embraced each other for what seemed like hours, your eyes brimmed with tears as he melted in your arms. "Im sorry...", you muttered into his skin. Pulling away, you cupped his cheeks and placed tender kisses on your lovers tired expression. He relished the feeling and relaxed into your soothing touch as he spoke.
“Please, don’t leave this world without me…we go together. There is no point to this thing called life if I cannot live and die alongside you…I will not allow death to do us part.”
Chuuya
Chuuya was known to be violent and single-minded when fighting against an enemy. No building was spared of his destructive ability as he easily crumbled walls and floors to capture a single opponent. In the heat of battle all of his focus was placed on his enemy, disregarding his surroundings. Yet hearing your voice call out to him as the ceiling collapsed snapped him out of his reality. Time suddenly slowed down, he slowly turned his head but he was too late...you had already pushed him out of the way. He could only see your panic stricken face, hand still reached out from the push before, time resumed.
**BAMM** the sound of rubble crashing down nearly shook the earth. Dust filled the air and fogged the eyesight of both participants present. Chuuya stumbled and covered his mouth as coughs erupted from his throat. His stunned eyes scanned the area, hoping to catch a glimpse of you but he saw nothing...he fearfully looked down, hoping, praying even..that you hadn't-his heart sank as he stared down at a hand sticking out from under the rubble. There you were...
"[NAME]!!", he yelled as he immediately used his ability to lift and break the rocks above you. He cleared the area in an instant, his eyes turning bloodshot as he saw your body sprawled out like a lifeless corpse. He fell to his knees and grabbed your body- turning you around and checking for any signs of life. His breath hitched at the sight of your injuries; scrapes and bruises adorned your hands as blood freely leaked from your mouth and nose. The panic overwhelmed his mind, not allowing him to think rationally. All he could think to do was shout your name, shake you, and urge you to wake up. “Fuck- no no no, Come on dammit wake up! Open your godforsaken eyes. Don't joke around anymore come on!!! You have to wake up Plea- I can’t- I can't lose you too!”, his chest ached as his mind raced with thoughts of his old companions and how they all met an end. He couldn’t risk losing you too…you were all he had left. This cannot be real, he refuses to believe the love of his life is on the verge of death because of his own carelessness.
Seeing this as a perfect opportunity, the enemy quickly fled the scene yet Chuuya could care less. He held you in his arms as he clenched his teeth. The rim of his eyes turned red, glowing crimson lines began to creep up his arms, his emotions were so out of control that his own corrupted form threatened to erupt at any moment.
A frail cough erupted from your throat, some blood soon followed. Chuuyas eyes widened--the red marks of his corrupted form shrank back down-- as he immediately sat you up, "[Name]! Can you hear me?!" He cupped your cheeks, his eyes darting to all the corners of your bruised face. Your lovers heart thumped seeing your eyes finally open, relief spreading through his body as he pulled you into a tight embrace. His relief soon turned into anger, "What the hell is wrong with you?! How could you think of doing something so fucking stupid?! You could have died and for what, to save me from some measly rocks? Quit trying to be the hero and for once in your life prioritize yourself!", his hands dug into your shoulders as he blew up in pure frustration. But even if his words were harsh- you could hear the distress and worry behind his broken words.
Your body felt so weak to the point you couldn't quite rebuke his scolding, only small phrases left your quivering lips. "I'm sorry...just didn't want to see you...suffer anymore than you already have...", although these words were small they had a deep meaning, and an even bigger impact on your lovers heart. His eyes widened at this, he froze for a moment. He clenched his teeth, pulling you into his arms once again. Resting your face in his shoulder all you could do was hear the way his heart thumped and his form slightly shook. Chuuyas face was buried in your hair as muffled words left him, "Seeing you get hurt right infront of my eyes is the greatest form of suffering you could put me through...you idiot, you never think things through..." Although these words were unrelenting in their harshness, they somehow found a way to ease your mind. Causing you to melt against his body, loosely wrapping your sore arms around his neck. You held onto each other, the warmth reassured him that you were still here, he hadn't lost you, you were here to stay by his side...forever.
────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────
I had so much fun writing this small fic for you!~ I am a sucker for the romantic sacrifice trope, but I honestly prefer it when they die in the end- (I LOVE ANGST, LET IT STING.) (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ) Anywayssss, as always I hope you enjoyed this! Love ya! <3
#bsd tecchou#tecchou x reader#bsd dazai#dazai x reader#bsd chuuya#chuuya x reader#bsd x reader#bsd fanfic#bsd comfort#bsd angst#bsd#anime
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Dazai with a reader who’s really motherly with him? I feel like he secretly craves to be coddled but he plays it off with jokes for a while until a certain point where he just breaks :(
also I’m sorry if my request got sent more than once, tumblr is being silly ‼️
♡ My baby, my baby...
Dazai Osamu x Reader
Desc: Comforting Dazai. (fem reader)
TW/CW: mental breakdowns, joking about mental health, dark thoughts, suicide, self-harm, mentions of religion (usage of word "God"), usage of "Y/N", angst -> hurt/comfort
It hurt.
It hurt so, so much Dazai Osamu thought that God had finally pitied him and was letting him die.
He couldn't breathe; his lungs felt like they were collapsing in on themselves, and he sobbed, trying to let oxygen back into his lungs as they burned.
"Just get home," his mind repeated. "Just get home and you can see Y/N again."
A foreign corner of his heart quieted it's pounding; slowing down to consider the thought of keeping quiet long enough to see you. It agreed, happy at the thought of you; and after five minutes Dazai got up and walked out of the closet he had locked himself inside.
Kunikida stared at him, stopping mid-rant as concern flashed over his coworker's face; but before the blond could say anything, Dazai was out the door and on his way to see you again. The annoying ringing of his cellphone wasn't present; which means that Kunikida probably laid off of him and let him go home early.
He doesn't even remember going home, doesn't remember the sidewalk, the train ride, or the winding little path leading to the quaint little neighborhood; doesn't remember unlocking the front door and taking his shoes off, heart beginning to race again as it protests for the mind to uphold it's part of the deal.
"Y/N?.." he calls weakly; stumbling around your shared home. "Y/N!"
His mind begins to race, panicking; what if you had gotten kidnapped? or hurt? what if the Port Mafia took you? what if-- but his thoughts were cut off when the angel that is you, in your everlasting glory, appeared; dressed in shorts and a sweater, surprised (and a little concerned) to why he was home so early and stumbling around your shared house like a drunkard.
He barely hears the worried gasp of his name; barely processes anything before he's lunging for you, arms flying around your torso and coiling around it, tears coming to his eyes as he sobs in relief, crying and blubbering as he's finally back in your loving arms.
He feels the hand you have on his head caressing his hair gently as if he were a glass ornament that would break apart at the slightest touch, and he cries harder; burying his face into your stomach as he sinks down closer to the floor. He feels you crouching down with him; cradling his head against your chest as you murmur warm words that slither inside through his ears to his heart, comforting it as you hold him in your embrace.
You had never seen him like this; had always known the strong, brave Dazai Osamu; had always seen the confident, cocky, brave persona he put on. Whenever you tried to coddle him, he had brushed it off; but you never missed the slight twitch of his eyes, the lingering look in them as he turned away, the way his hand rested on top of yours for a second too long before he pulled away.
That's why you kept going; kept pushing at his walls, begging and pleading for him to let them down; that you weren't going to hurt him like everybody else, weren't going to be let in only to stab at everything in a frenzy like everyone else. No, you wanted to love him; to cherish him and to make him feel loved as you protected him from the world and it's miseries the way he did to countless other individuals.
And it worked; hence the events of today, as Dazai clings to your sweater and sobs.
"Shhh... Shhh.. baby, what's wrong?.." you murmur, finally; petting his hair as he begins to quiet down, obediently following your words.
"M-Missed you." he states, quietly, simply. "Missed y-you so much; c-couldn't think. Could-dn't do a-anything. Missed you so bad..." he whispers, tearing up again.
"Shh.." you whisper again; lifting his face up and kissing his cheeks. "Cmon, baby; you can tell me what's wrong. It's alright, darling."
And Dazai Osamu only falls deeper in love with you.
--
YAHOO!! sorry if u wanted smt else this was the way i interpreted it :(
#dazai x reader#bsd dazai#dazai x you#dazai osamu#dazai oneshot#atsushi bsd#bsd#bsd x reader#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs x reader#bsd x you#dazai osamu x reader#dazai osamu x y/n#dazai angst#bsd comfort
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✧ to die by your side ✧
dazai x fem!reader
☆ genre: angst, hurt/comfort
☆ wc: 9.5k
☆ summary: dazai’s girlfriend is kidnapped by a revenge-seeking enemy and must count down the agonizing minutes to her death. dazai and the rest of the ada race to save her before time runs out.
☆ warnings: kidnapping, violence, language, mentions of blood/torture/drugging, dazai-typical suicide mentions, brief mentions of throwing up, self-loathing dazai, panic attacks, etc- overall just pretty angsty! slightly canon divergent with the way i wrote dazai’s ability. i also threw in some comfort at the end as a little treat <3
………………………………………………………………………………….
Pain. Blinding pain.
That was the first thing Y/N noticed as she slowly regained consciousness. Her skull felt like it was on fire, her temple throbbing and wrists aching. A heavy weight sat on her chest and made the simple act of breathing difficult. A faint but persistent beeping noise seemed amplified in her ringing ears, worsening her pounding headache while the heavy scent of blood in the air made her stomach churn.
What was going on?
Confusion persisted until her mind began to register the other noises in her surroundings.
A man’s voice she didn’t recognize.
The soft beep of a video camera starting to record.
Something about the agency.
Dazai’s name.
Her body broke into a cold sweat at the sudden mention of her boyfriend.
Realizing her eyelids were too heavy to even open, Y/N couldn’t help but wonder what the hell had happened. The last thing she remembered was kissing Dazai goodnight outside of her apartment, then quietly getting ready for bed once he had left. What could have possibly happened between then and now? Whose voice was echoing around her? Why did her body feel so heavy, and why were her thoughts so incoherent? If she could just get up-
Oh.
Oh.
Her wrists were bound behind her, the rest of her body anchored to the chair she was sat in by chains of steel. There was something large strapped to her abdomen emitting a beeping noise every few seconds.
Her heart nearly stopped beating in her chest as she slowly put together what was happening in her hazy mind.
“-Pay for your crimes by letting her die. This pretty little thing only has three hours left,” the gruff voice continued, sounding much clearer and much closer than before. Her panic increased tenfold as she realized the mystery man was directly behind her. Before she could fully prepare for it, a large hand suddenly grabbed a fistful of hair on her scalp and yanked her slumped head upwards. The pain forced her eyes open and she was greeted with a camera pointed at her, along with a room full of armed men. Her eyes slowly widened in terror and clarity as it all finally clicked in that moment, no matter how much she didn’t want to admit what was happening to her.
I’ve been kidnapped as a means to get back at the agency.
There’s a bomb strapped to me.
I have three hours to live.
The tears started then. Even though she could vaguely recognize that she was being recorded for the Agency’s viewing and it would only worry Dazai more if he saw her in so much distress, she couldn’t help her panic. No matter how strong she wanted to be for him, this was terrifying. Her life was suddenly on the line and she would die at the hands of these men if the agency couldn’t find her in time.
“Please,” she cried, squeezing her eyes shut and feeling pathetic as she let out a choked sob. Her voice cracked from disuse and she felt like she might hyperventilate. “Please, no. I don’t want to die.” The room filled with cruel laughter at her naive pleas, and she could only sink further into despair as the gravity of her situation became painfully evident. These were ruthless killers who were happy to see an innocent woman die for nothing more than the sake of revenge.
“Hear that, detectives? She’s begging for her life. What are you gonna do about it? The clock is ticking,” The man behind her sneered, grabbing her face in his calloused hand and squeezing it. She weakly attempted to yank her head away from his grasp and maintain her last shred of dignity. He was taunting them with her, the bastard.
Weaponizing their good nature and care for her. Trying to break them; trying to break her sweet Dazai.
Oh god- Dazai.
The more she thought about him, the more her tears flowed. Dazai, whose greatest fear was putting her in danger with his line of work. Dazai, who had lost so much more than a person should. Dazai, who loved and cared for her more than anyone she had ever known. The mere idea of him sitting at the agency headquarters, watching in horror while these unknown men teased him with her life, was too much to bear.
Through her cries of terror, Y/N could just barely overhear the man saying something else into the camera before ordering one of his subordinates to cut the footage. Dread filled the pit of her stomach as they turned their full attention on her and she realized she was truly alone with these psychopaths.
She had no way of knowing if the ADA was coming for her, or if they would be able to get to her in time. Hell, she didn’t even know if they would be able to diffuse the complicated bomb even if they did manage to reach her before it was set to detonate. She certainly didn’t want them to risk their own lives just to save her, even if the thought of dying in an explosion shook her to her core.
She felt her hope drain away with each new tick of the bomb, her body shaking with fear. Three hours was an awfully short time.
Please, Osamu.
My time is running out.
~
Dazai had never felt a rage quite like this before.
He knew that something was wrong the moment the agency had received a video from an untraceable source and Y/N hadn’t texted him about her day. That didn’t stop his heart from dropping clear to his stomach when he saw her on the monitor, chained up and bloody with a bomb on her chest.
No. Not her.
He avoided the nervous gazes of Atsushi and the rest of the agency members as he stared at her unconscious body on the screen, jaw clenched unimaginably tight and hands gripping the wood of the conference room table. The man standing in front of her was droning on about how Dazai had personally wronged his pathetic organization —something about putting a stop to their human trafficking network with the help of Kunikida— but he couldn’t bring himself to listen or even care.
He was attempting to keep his composure by focusing on the facts of the case. Namely, the extent of her injuries and her location.
Blood was dripping down the side of her face from her temple, some of it dried and caked in her hair. The bastards had likely hit her with some sort of blunt object to knock her out. His fury only grew at the thought of her being treated with such senseless violence. She still seemed dazed and confused as the man forced her awake to face the camera, a sure sign of a concussion or even drugging to further subdue her. She had a few more bruises and bloody cuts on her face, and he knew by the way the metal chains cut into her skin that they would cause serious irritation at the very least.
He couldn’t help but screw his eyes shut and let out a shuddering breath as her weak and desperate pleas reached his ears. The complete and utter terror in her voice as she begged her captors for mercy was nothing short of gut-wrenching to him. Even worse, the man was taunting Dazai with her pain. Smugly showing off her broken body like some sort of prize. She’s suffering because of you, a small voice in his head spat, making Dazai grit his teeth even more. No. Focus, you idiot. Focus on where they’re keeping her.
She looked to be trapped in some kind of metal room, potentially reinforced with anti-ability precautions to keep them from easily reaching her. The cell was dingy, dark, and silent, leading him to wonder if she was being kept somewhere underground. That would be a likely spot for these despicable cockroaches to hide. There were just over a dozen guards surrounding her, although they wouldn’t be an issue in the grand scheme of things; the ADA could certainly handle a few thugs with guns. What concerned him most was the bomb strapped to her chest.
There were plenty of geniuses among their ragtag team, but bombs were tricky. There could be dozens of triggers on it, or someone could detonate it remotely if anyone got too close to her. A single misstep or miscalculation could immediately cost Y/N’s life, and that was a risk Dazai certainly wasn’t willing to take.
He was furious at himself for letting this happen. He was so careful- always keeping tabs on her, steering her away from involvement in ADA antics, keeping an ear to the ground for trouble in the Yokohama underworld. He was constantly calculating and preparing for every outcome, always several steps ahead of his enemies with his dizzying plans. And yet, somehow, this measly organization he could hardly remember had managed to snatch his girlfriend out from under him with almost no trouble at all.
She was in mortal danger, and it was all his fault.
“Snap out of it, Dazai, I can hear your thoughts from all the way over here,” Kunikida piped up from across the room, his voice sympathetic but stern as he glared at his partner. “You need to keep your head on straight if we want to get her back.” He could tell just by reading Dazai’s expression how much inner turmoil the man was going through. How much he blamed himself for Y/N’s capture. But if they were going to rescue her before the three hours were up, there was no time for wallowing in self pity.
“Kunikida’s right,” Fukuzawa’s booming voice spoke, causing Dazai’s distant gaze to snap over to his boss in an instant. The fact that he was involved in the case at all revealed just how seriously the entire agency was taking her kidnapping. “Time is not on our side. We must be swift and rational if we are to have any hope of getting to Y/N and disabling the bomb in time.” Their words struck Dazai to his core. It was hard to remember that the other ADA members also cared deeply for his girlfriend, and they were willing to go so far as to put their lives at risk to help him get her back. Their unwavering support seemed to snap him out of his stupor and focus on the task at hand.
Get her back from those sorry motherfuckers.
“Right,” he nodded curtly, his expression suddenly devoid of all emotion as he turned to face the team with renewed focus and determination. “Ranpo-san, what’s the plan?”
The raven-haired detective, who had been quietly perched on the window sill and shadowed by the deep orange sunlight filtering into the room, suddenly jumped down from his seat and whipped out his pair of glasses in a flash. His trademark smirk spread across his face as he placed the glasses on the bridge of his nose, poised to activate his ability.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
~
Fifteen minutes.
That’s what the little timer read—from what she could tell, anyway. Y/N’s heart felt like it would burst out of her chest. She was drenched in sweat from the overwhelming fear taking over her body, despite her cell being practically freezing. The men had left her alone a while ago, but not before roughing her up for good measure. She now sported a throbbing bruise under her eye and a few new cuts on her face and neck, but she had blocked all of the pain out. All she could feel was pure panic as the countdown to her impending doom grew shorter and shorter.
She had no idea if Dazai and the rest of the ADA were even close to figuring out where she was, and her hope was beginning to run out. How could they possibly find her and disarm the bomb in a mere fifteen minutes? It didn’t seem at all possible, no matter how skilled they were. A single tear ran down her cheek as the reality set in. She was really going to die.
Trying to find some form of comfort as the seconds ticked away and she neared what she assumed were her last moments, Y/N squeezed her eyes shut and forced her mind to go somewhere else—anywhere else—to escape this hell.
Dazai’s soft laughter filled her ears.
It was a lazy Sunday morning- the couple’s favorite time to lay in bed for the whole day and forget their actual adult responsibilities. They were tangled up in fresh sheets, warm sunlight streaming through the windows as Dazai playfully teased her about her refusal to let him get up.
“Five more minutes!” Y/N grumbled sleepily, burying her head into the crook of Dazai’s neck and breathing in his fresh scent. He still smelled like the floral body wash he had used in the shower the night before; the same body wash she had bought him when he insisted he loved the way it smelled on her and needed some for himself. Catching traces of its scent on him always brought a smile to her face.
“You said that five minutes ago,” he chuckled, his voice still husky from sleep. His hand absentmindedly massaged her scalp as he held her tight to his chest. “You can hear my stomach practically begging for food. Are you trying to starve me, my love?” Y/N was seemingly unaffected by his dramatic ploy to escape her embrace. “Yes,” she answered simply, burrowing further into his t-shirt to hide her smile that would give away her crumbling resolve. Of course, there was no hiding anything from Dazai Osamu.
“I saw that!” He gasped, playfully poking at her face. “My Y/N does care about me, who would have thought!” She couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped her lips at her boyfriend’s theatrics. He was always blowing things out of proportion, but she would be lying if she said she didn’t love it.
Daring to peek up at him with heavy eyelids, her eyes met gentle brown staring back at her with nothing but warmth and fondness. The lovesick smile plastered across his face sent butterflies rushing through her stomach and she suddenly felt shy. His eyes were so pretty. “If you get up, I’ll be so lonely without you,” she pouted, hands snaking around his waist as she gave him her best puppy dog eyes. She knew she was playing dirty by pulling the pity card, but she also couldn’t stand the thought of being away from his comforting embrace for even a moment.
Dazai heaved a sigh, a mischievous twinkle in his eye as his hand moved to her face and gently brushed some of her hair away from her eyes. “Well how could I ever say no to that? I would rather starve than see my belladonna lonely and upset.” She rolled her eyes a let out an amused huff at his words, craning her neck so she was mere inches away from his face. “So you’ll stay?” She whispered, knowing that she’d already won the minute he hadn’t actually gotten up when he announced he needed breakfast.
Instead of responding right away, Dazai leaned down and planted a gentle kiss to her pouting mouth. She was just so irresistible. “Of course, darling,” he murmured against her lips, pulling her head back into his chest and smiling as he felt her snuggle closer. She truly was his everything. “Five more minutes with you is nothing short of pure bliss.”
Five minutes left.
Y/N thought she might pass out from the sheer terror that consumed her, threatening to pull her under completely. She would never see her friends again, including all of the agency members she had grown to call her family. She would die before saying goodbye to her loved ones- to Dazai. How would he react when he found her body, or what was left of it? How would he cope? The very thought forced a watery sob from her throat.
This is the end.
I’m going to die without seeing him one last time.
Suddenly, a loud bang sounded outside of the door to her prison and startled her out of her despair. It sounded like someone throwing their body against the heavy steel door. She froze, swallowing back her tears and preparing herself for the worst. Maybe the men were back to torture her one last time before setting off the bomb. As her mind came up with the worst possible scenarios, a familiar grunt reached her ears through the metal walls. It couldn’t be. After a beat, she heard the noise again. Then- “Y/N?”
She nearly stopped breathing at the sound of his angelic lilt. “…Samu?” She called out weakly, afraid to let herself be filled with hope in case it was some kind of cruel trick. “Y/N!” He yelled back, a mixture of desperation and relief in his voice as the banging noises continued. It was incredible how quickly hearing his voice had managed to relax her, even if she knew she was still in immediate danger. He always did have a calming effect on her. “Osamu, I don’t have much time left,” she gasped, desperately struggling against her restraints. Now that she knew he was here, she wanted nothing more than to be with him.
“I know, I know. I’m gonna get you out of here, baby,” he assured her through the cold metal door, giving the handle another frustrated jolt. Why couldn’t he have been blessed with a strength-related ability? “Those assholes had some ability users up their sleeve, so the others are busy trying to break through their defenses,” he explained in a rush, throwing his body into the door again despite the blooming pain in his shoulder. He wouldn’t have the help of Atsushi or Kenji like they had originally planned, and that worried him. “I promise, I won’t stop until I get into that room and you’re safe.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” a voice suddenly boomed over a hidden speaker, catching the attention of both Dazai and Y/N as their heads snapped upwards in near unison. Her blood ran cold as she recognized it as the voice of her captor. “Break into that room, and we’ll set off the bomb early. Didn’t you listen to us? This is your penance, Dazai,” he spoke, clear amusement in his tone. The bastard was watching them from somewhere else in the underground facility, enjoying their pain. Using it as entertainment.
Three minutes left.
Dazai grimaced outside of the door, hands balling into fists as a new fear and rage ignited inside of him. There was never going to be a way to reach her without the bomb going off. It was a cruel way to torture him; forcing him to either live with the guilt of leaving her and save his own life, or stay with her until the bitter end. It wasn’t a difficult choice to make.
As Y/N pieced together the new information, she quickly came to the same conclusion as her boyfriend and felt her eyes go wide. “Dazai, NO! Get away from here, now!” She screamed, fresh tears already burning in her eyes. She knew that he was selfless and loved her more than anything, but in that moment she wanted him to turn his back on her. To break her heart and leave her behind to save himself.
Ramming his now probably broken shoulder into the cold, unforgiving metal one last time, Dazai shook his head as he slowly sank to the floor. His hands were raw and bleeding from practically clawing at the wall for a weak point, but he didn’t care. Nothing else mattered anymore but staying with her. “I won’t leave you,” he said simply, leaning his head against the wall. The agony of knowing that she was in that room, alone and afraid, minutes away from her death, was crushing. But if he could offer her even the smallest comfort before that timer hit zero, he would do it in a heartbeat.
Meanwhile, Y/N was on the verge of a panic attack. Tears streamed down her face and she struggled to breathe, completely overwhelmed by what was happening. To have to accept that she really was about to die a horrible and graphic death in a few minutes was terrifying, but to know that Dazai was right outside the door and would also die if he stayed; that was too much. She knew how stubborn he was, but she had to try to make him leave anyway. Anything to get him to save himself.
“Please,” she cried desperately, consumed with grief as sobs wracked through her body. “You can’t stay, Dazai, you have to GO!” Hearing her in so much pain was like a thousand knives to the heart, but despite everything, Dazai couldn’t help the small smile that made its way onto his face. She really didn’t get it. “Go where, huh? There’s nowhere in this world I would go without you,” he spoke softly, shutting his eyes and letting out a small sigh. He seemed strangely content.
She continued to sob, choking on her breaths as the timer reached one minute. He was so stupid and selfless and wonderful- she couldn’t let him die. “Please…you can’t do this to me, you have to leave…you can’t stay,” she whimpered almost incoherently, barely able to yell anymore. Her strength was running out, her body exhausted from all of the mental turmoil. Still, she continued to strain against the chains wrapped tightly around her as if she could break them by sheer will. “Don’t be scared, Y/N,” he called to her, the smile still on his face. “I’m right here with you and I’m not leaving you. It’s gonna be okay.” Through the walls he could hear her voice break as she wailed in agony at his words, the sound blood-curdling.
Thirty seconds.
Dazai thought it ironic that this was the way he was going out; a tragic double suicide with his lover. It was almost funny. Almost. “I love you, darling. My sweet belladonna. Not even death can keep us apart,” he reassured her, opening his eyes and staring at the wall as if he could look straight through the metal and meet her gaze. His heart squeezed in his chest as she let out another horrible, strangled sob. “There- isn’t much time- left,” she gasped in between breaths, her whole body trembling. Why couldn’t he leave her? Why couldn’t he save himself? He was too important to the ADA, to the world, to die. The guilt was eating her alive.
Ten seconds.
“I love you, Y/N,” he repeated, and he was never more sure of his words. She let out one last piercing, guttural scream, pulling at the chains so hard her skin started to bleed. She thought she might faint from the agonizing anticipation as the clock counted down her last moments of life; their last moments. “I’m so sorry,” she sobbed, squeezing her eyes shut in defeat. He shook his head once again. She had nothing to be sorry for. “It’s gonna be okay,” he whispered one final time, placing his bloody hand against the door. Offering his comfort in their last seconds alive.
Three.
Two.
One.
Silence. A flash of white hot light. A horrible booming noise. Then, nothing.
~
The rest of the ADA halted in their battle at the sound of the explosion, staring at one another in horror. Smoke billowed out from one of the dingy tunnels, the familiar scent of flames filling the air. There was no way they had failed…right? The couldn’t have lost Y/N and Dazai; not when they had worked so hard to get out of the situation with everyone unharmed.
The sound of cackling laughter echoed through the underground base mere moments after the explosion, drawing their attention to a man emerging from the shadows. They immediately recognized him as the man from the video- the organization’s leader who had personally tormented Y/N.
“The great Dazai Osamu is dead,” he shrieked, his crazed laughter forcing him to double over. The rest of the organization’s thugs began to jeer and laugh along with him, celebrating their victory over the ADA’s elusive genius. Atsushi felt tears welling in his eyes, not just for the tragic and sudden loss of his brilliant mentor whom he deeply cared for, but for Y/N as well. Those pieces of shit didn’t even care that they had killed her too; to them she was just a means to an end. The sweet woman who had shown him nothing but kindness when he joined the ADA and brought so much joy into their lives…dead.
To his left, Kunikida was also fighting back angry tears, refusing to accept that his frustrating but brilliant partner had truly been killed by these incompetent fools. Kyoka and Kenji’s eyes were blown wide in shock while Tanizaki panted heavily, his mouth gaping. It seemed that none of them could actually comprehend that the pair were truly dead and gone.
“You detectives are nothing but a bunch of sentimental fools!” The man cackled, face red and eyes bulging. He looked insane. “I can’t believe your genius was lured and killed by such an easy trap. All it took was kidnapping that little bitch and blowing her up!” All of the ADA members tensed, looking visibly appalled by his cruel, demeaning words. Not only was this man completely unhinged, but he was outright mocking an innocent woman’s death.
It was sickening.
Just as the sinking feeling of dread began to settle in the pit of Atsushi’s stomach, a distant but familiar voice called out from the smoke to interrupt their little celebration. “Ah, you underestimate me…” the voice drawled, jerking everyone’s attention to the smoking tunnel. All of the color drained from the leader’s face as he watched three silhouettes slowly emerge from the haze. “No…that’s impossible!” He screeched, all confidence gone and white as a ghost as he pointed at the trio with a shaking finger. “I watched you die! I-I saw it with my own eyes!”
Dazai, Y/N, and Dr. Yosano appeared at the entrance of the tunnel as the smoke cleared, Y/N leaned against Dazai for support while Yosano brandished her weapon. Y/N looked slightly stunned and shaken up, but the two survivors otherwise seemed completely unharmed, no trace of any injuries on their bodies.
“You did,” Dazai flashed his signature shit-eating grin, eyes flicking over to their team’s resident doctor. “Thankfully we had a backup plan in case you tried anything dirty, like you did.”
Ranpo had luckily had the foresight to bring in Yosano from a different entry point and position her near the cell that Y/N was being held in once they figured out her location, in the event that things went wrong and the bomb went off. That way she was there to immediately patch them up with her ability once it detonated, making it so that the harm was only temporary. There had never been any real threat of death; as long as Yosano worked fast enough, that is.
“You were a fool to play with this woman’s life to get back at an enemy,” Yosano spat, pointing her cleaver at the now trembling man before her. “Those who do not properly respect life will receive the ultimate punishment!” The rest of the thugs glanced around uneasily, sensing a shift in the power dynamic of the fight. Suddenly their main target was alive and well, and the rest of the agency seemed even more bloodthirsty than before.
“I-Impossible! No!” He cried, slowly backing towards another tunnel. The ADA members adjusted their stances and stared him down with what could only be described as murderous glints in their eyes, making it clear that he wouldn’t be getting away without a gruesome fight. He gulped. “Take this as a lesson!” Dazai announced cheerfully, still smiling but now with a terrifyingly cold and emotionless look in his eyes.
“There are grave consequences for those who hurt the people I love. And you’ve stupidly chosen to hurt the person I love most.”
It was a blur after that, all hell breaking loose. Dazai quickly ordered Tanizaki to cloak Y/N with his ability and get her safely to the surface as fighting broke out all around them. She wanted to protest, but the look in his eyes told her that he just wanted to get her out of harm’s way for the time being and that’d he be back at her side as soon as he was done dealing with the room of pitiful men. She certainly didn’t want to stick around and see what he and the rest of the ADA had in store for them. He pressed one last comforting kiss to her forehead before sending her off to escape with the ginger detective, his fiercely protective gaze never once leaving her as she fled the scene.
Covering the two of them with Light Snow, Tanizaki grabbed Y/N by the wrist and rushed her out of the disgusting underground hideout, pulling her away from the violent fight that had broken out. He knew that it would only be a few minutes until the team was done putting those miserable scumbags in their place.
They eventually reached the entrance of the base after a few tense minutes of running through winding tunnels, finding Ranpo and a trusted driver from the agency waiting in a running car. Tanizaki carefully opened the backseat door for her and made sure she was safely in the car before stepping back, flashing a comforting smile. “I’m so happy to see that you’re safe, Y/N. Ranpo will take care of the rest and make sure you get back to the agency safely,” he quickly explained, nodding at the driver before closing the car door and giving her a small wave.
Although she was still shellshocked, she managed a small wave in return and and even smaller smile. “Thank you,” she mouthed as the car pulled away, grateful for his help in getting her out of that hellhole. She was happy to leave the horrible place behind.
“Good to see you, Y/N,” Ranpo greeted from the seat next to her, drawing her attention away from the now small spec that was Tanizaki. Seeing her old friend sitting next to her filled her with so much relief she could hardly breathe. She opened her mouth to thank him for everything, knowing that the elaborate rescue plan was his doing, but the words caught in her throat. Everything had happened so fast that she barely had any time to process it. The bomb going off, practically dying, being saved by Yosano, briefly reuniting with Dazai, escaping the underground labyrinth. She was so overwhelmed with emotion as she realized she was actually alive and safe. Dazai was alive and safe.
We survived…
but we almost didn’t.
She promptly bent over and threw up onto the floor of the car.
Ranpo shrank into the corner of his seat, looking wildly uncomfortable but biting back his usual snarky and tone-deaf remarks. She had been through a lot, and her body had to expel all of those suffocating emotions somehow. “I had a feeling you would do that,” he grimaced, but he nonetheless leaned over and gently pat her back in a small act of comfort. Coughing on bile, Y/N felt hot tears burning the back of her eyes at the detective’s kind gesture. Everyone at the agency had shown up to help her in one way or another, and it was staggering to see just how much they cared.
Even in this very vulnerable moment, Ranpo was offering his genuine support, something that was incredibly rare for him. She would have to buy him a big care package of his favorite snacks later to show her gratitude for all he had done for her.
Eventually the car arrived at the agency, the normally bustling streets of Yokohama quiet and deserted in the late hour. Y/N apologized profusely to the driver for the small mess in the car, thoroughly embarrassed even though she hadn’t been able to help it. He simply dismissed it with a wave of his hand and an understanding smile. “No problem whatsoever, miss. You just take it easy.”
With that, Ranpo carefully guided her into the safety of the agency, leading her upstairs with one arm draped over her shoulder. When the pair finally reached the office, Y/N practically collapsed into one of the couches in the lounge area, letting out a sigh and massaging her temples to try and soothe her pounding head. Being dehydrated and malnourished for nearly 24 hours wasn’t exactly helping her stress-induced headache that had quickly developed in the car ride over.
Once again, as if reading her mind, Ranpo disappeared for a moment before returning with a water bottle, a few snacks, medicine, and a blanket in his arms, placing them on the coffee table in front of her. It was like he knew everything she needed- and he probably did. “Rest up and take care of yourself,” he instructed, his tone leaving no room for debate. “I’m sure Dazai will be here soon to take you home, but in the meantime try to relax and get some food and water in you. You’ve had a long day.” She smiled gratefully, albeit a little tiredly, at the gesture. Yet another rare display of his care.
“Thank you, for everything,” she whispered, trying to convey just how sincerely she meant those words. She wouldn’t soon forget his help. He flashed her a small, lopsided grin before waving her off dramatically. “It was nothing for the world’s greatest detective!” He declared, pointing a finger into the air before turning on his heels and making his way back to his desk, munching on a snack of his own. Just like that, Y/N was alone.
She quietly opened one of the snacks Ranpo had provided her, washing down some pain-relief pills with the water after she’d eaten a few bites. When her nauseous stomach began to protest the food, she forced herself to stop. Although she was still incredibly hungry, she certainly didn’t want to end up with another mess to clean up. Shuddering at the thought, she wrapped herself up with the plush blanket and tried to calm her racing heart. Her mind was still reeling from everything. The constant thoughts of the traumatic events she had just undergone only made her headache and nausea worse by the minute, and her brain felt like it might explode.
She was exhausted.
If she could just clear her mind and close her eyes for a moment…
~
Without even realizing she had dozed off on the couch, she awoke some time later to the feeling of a slender hand cupping her cheek, stroking her jaw with delicate precision. She didn’t even have to open her eyes to know it was Dazai. “Wake up, my love,” his hushed voice cooed, immediately pulling her from her slumber. Slowly blinking her eyes open, she was met with his comforting smile, but his eyes were unimaginably sad. Her heart ached.
“Ready to go home?”
Nodding sleepily, Y/N slowly picked herself up from the couch, shrugging the blanket off her shoulders and neatly folding it up before placing it back on the coffee table. After gathering her bearings, she realized that some of the other agency members had also returned to the office, likely to fill out paperwork before heading home for the night. She felt a pang of guilt shoot through her as she realized they would have to do extra work because of her. If you hadn’t gone and gotten yourself kidnapped, they would all be home sleeping right now.
A dreadful thought suddenly crossed her mind. Would she have to fill out paperwork and recount what had happened to her? It seemed likely, as they kept track of nearly every incident like this. The very idea made another wave of nausea roll through her.
As if sensing her worry, Kunikida rounded the corner with a stack of papers in-hand, taking in her dead-tired appearance with a single glance. “Just so you know, we will need a statement on what happened eventually, Y/N, but I don’t want you to even think about it until you’re recovered and ready to talk,” he instructed, concern and sympathy evident in his expression despite his no-nonsense tone. He was truly glad to see her safe and back under the protection of the agency. Y/N nodded, relieved that she wouldn’t have to recount the traumatic events until she was ready. At the moment she couldn’t even imagine a time when she would ever feel ready.
Turning his attention to Dazai, the sympathetic look vanished from Kunikida’s face and morphed into one of general annoyance. “Don’t think that you’re getting out of doing the paperwork just because you almost died,” he barked, jabbing an accusing finger at his partner’s chest. “It’s no excuse to be lazy.”
Dazai placed a hand to his heart and looked aghast, as if the very insinuation of him trying to avoid paperwork was ridiculous. “Me? Getting out of paperwork? Really, Kunikida-kun, what do you take me for?” He gasped, earning a growl and a sharp smack to the head with a roll of papers.
Their antics miraculously drew out a soft chuckle from Y/N’s lips, but it was half-hearted at best. As enjoyable as Dazai and Kunikida’s banter was, her eyes still drooped with fatigue and her anxious mind longed to rest in the comfort of her own home. She just wanted this horrible day to be over with. Gaze dropping to Y/N’s face at the sound of her reserved amusement, Dazai quickly noted the weight of her exhaustion and took it as their cue to leave.
“I think it’s time for us to get home,” he announced, glancing back up at Kunikida and sharing a knowing look with him. The blond held his stare for a moment before sighing, giving a small nod before politely bidding the two a good night and moving on to pester Ranpo about doing his work.
Placing a hand on the small of her back, Dazai carefully led Y/N out of the agency and into the streets of Yokohama below, glancing at her every few minutes to make sure she was doing ok. She was quiet during the walk home, her expression blank and her eyelids heavy. He found himself wishing he could figure out what she was thinking. Normally he could read her like a book, always knowing exactly how she was feeling or what was troubling her. Now she just seemed numb. A dark part of his mind feared that she was distancing herself from him because their relationship had nearly gotten her killed.
Would she even want to be with him anymore? Would she leave him to heal the trauma he had caused her? He shuddered at the thought.
Eventually arriving at their destination, Y/N quickly realized that Dazai had led her back to his apartment instead of her own. That’s right. Mine was broken into, and no one’s been around to clean up the mess that was probably left behind. She was grateful for his thoughtfulness. There was no way she would’ve been able to keep her composure if she had walked into her home and seen the evidence of her capture.
Walking into the entryway after Dazai had unlocked the door, Y/N immediately wanted to cry as the warm, familiar scent of his apartment hit her. It just smelled like him, something she thought she’d lost mere hours ago. The familiarity of the space nearly brought tears to her eyes.
It was overwhelming, to say the least.
Noticing her distant, watery gaze, Dazai quickly swooped in to distract her, helping her slip out of her shoes and guiding her to the bedroom to change out of her clothes. Although Yosano had done away with all of the physical injuries on her body, she still felt dirty, the scent of mold and metal clinging to her shirt. It drew her back to that room and the horrible, agonizingly slow ticking of the bomb. The memories lingered in the back of her mind as she discarded her old clothes, slipping into a comfortable t-shirt and a soft pair of shorts that she kept in Dazai’s drawer for the nights when she slept over.
“Better?” Dazai questioned softly when she had finished changing, eyes searching hers almost frantically for any sign of discomfort. He wanted to help her in any way possible, but for once in his life, he didn’t know what to do. The day had taken a toll on him as well and he was struggling to maintain his calm facade. Staring deep into his eyes, she gave the slightest of nods and opened her mouth to reassure him, to tell him that she was ok now. She was home, she was safe thanks to him, she was with him- everything had turned out just fine. But for the second time that night, the words refused to come out.
Instead, she just stared in silence before collapsing into a sudden fit of sobs, knees buckling and sending her falling to the hardwood below. Panicked, Dazai scrambled to meet her at the floor, strong arms holding her steady while she attempted to muffle her pained cries with the palm of her hand. Her sudden tears had him terrified that he had done something wrong. “Hey, hey, what’s the matter, angel? Please, let me help-“ he couldn’t even finish his sentence before she threw herself into his arms, holding him tighter than she had ever held anyone.
Her desperation to feel him and be close to him now was due to the fact that their reunion in the underground base had been so short lived. Y/N was in too much shock, not understanding how she had gone from dying a gruesome death to perfectly fine in only a matter of seconds. She could barely even register Dazai’s arms wrapped around her in a bone crushing hug or the sweet encouragements he was whispering in her ear.
Dazai was used to Yosano’s incredible ability. Having been saved by it countless times, being revived by the dark-haired doctor was practically second nature to him. But Y/N was still reeling from the excruciating pain she had experienced moments ago that had just vanished. It was like it had tattooed itself under her skin, a painful memory of her near-death.
The shock of being revived clouded her mind as Dazai had clutched her body close, kissing her forehead and squeezing her tight. She couldn’t even enjoy the pure relief that normally would have filled her when she pieced together that she was alive and safe in her loving boyfriend’s arms. Before she could comprehend what was going on, he had already helped her off the ground and had begun to walk her down the hallway with Yosano, headed towards the main fight.
Now, on the floor of Dazai’s dark bedroom, her mind had finally registered exactly what had transpired mere hours ago. He sacrificed himself just so I wouldn’t be alone in my last moments. He stayed with me until the very end, and he was the first thing I saw after I was healed by Yosano. He means more to me than anyone ever has- and I almost got him killed.
Shushing her cries of despair, Dazai cradled her head to his chest, feeling tears building in his own eyes. He just wanted to take all of her pain away. “Shhh…it’s alright, darling, you’re safe,” he whispered into her ear, feeling her grip around him tighten even more. She was gasping for breath, practically hyperventilating. It seemed her distress was never ending. “Please, my love…please tell me what’s wrong…I want to help you,” he muttered, stroking her hair and pressing gentle kisses into the crown of her head. Her muffled cries only grew louder and he only felt more helpless.
Eventually, after a few minutes of his hushed reassurances and tight, comforting hold, she managed to catch her breath enough to speak. When she pulled away from his chest and finally looked up at him, her eyes held a sorrow so deep that it broke Dazai’s heart all over again. “I- I’m so sorry,” she rasped, sounding completely broken. “You almost died because of me. I hurt you.” Another watery sob escaped her throat before she hung her head and pressed a hand to her lips yet again to stifle her pained cries.
Her words left him in utter shock. He couldn’t imagine how she could possibly think any of this was on her. Not when the truth was the complete opposite. It was time for him to be honest about his feelings, no matter how terrifying it was. “Hey…will you look at me?” He questioned gently, tilting her chin upwards with his finger to guide her gaze back to his. The smallest of smiles graced his lips when she finally complied, glassy eyes locking on his own. “There you are. It hurts that you blame yourself at all, darling. Especially when it’s me you have to blame for all of this.” When her distraught expression morphed into one of confusion, his hands made their way to her own, squeezing them tight. She absentmindedly stroked her thumb along his wrist in a comforting gesture, urging him to explain.
“…I knew Yosano would be there the whole time we were trying to rescue you. I knew she was waiting for us in case things went wrong, and that she would heal us if the bomb went off,” he began, staring intently into her eyes as he spoke. “But listening to you in there, scared and alone, waiting for it to detonate, was horrible. It was the worst possible scenario that we tried so hard to avoid. And knowing that you would have to endure the god awful pain of the explosion even for a moment, and I could do nothing about it, made me sick. It was just another cruel reminder that I always end up hurting the people I care for.”
His sincere confession had stunned Y/N. Though she and her boyfriend were incredibly close, Dazai was a fairly private person who didn’t often air his deep insecurities. The fact that he was being so vulnerable in this moment told her just how genuine his words were, and it hurt like hell to hear. Before she could say anything to rebut his confession, he continued. “I just feel like…a curse to the people I love most. They’ll always be hurt or worse because of me. And it’s so hard to live with myself because of that.”
Eyes widening, Y/N shook her head in disbelief. She couldn’t even imagine where his horrible self-deprecating talk was coming from. “How could you even say that? You saved me. I’m only here and alive because of you and the agency.” He let out a soft, humorless chuckle at her words, his gaze distant. “I failed you, my love. You were almost killed because of me.” He practically spat the word out, like he was disgusted with himself. His grip on her hands tightened.
“The whole reason those men took you in the first place was to get revenge on me. To force me to choose to live with the guilt of letting you die, or die alongside you. The fact that you had to be wrapped up in all that, traumatized and hurt and almost killed because of my enemies, my line of work…” he trailed off, his voice nearly breaking as his eyes begged her to understand. “No matter how careful I was and how much I tried to protect you, it meant nothing in the end.”
The guilt inside of him was all-consuming. Yes, they had saved her. Yes, they had made sure that the organization would never lay a finger on her or anyone else ever again. But what if something had gone wrong? What if they had been outsmarted, and Yosano hadn’t been waiting in the wings to heal them after the bomb went off? Y/N had been tortured, terrified, in pain because of him. To know that it was his fault that she had been scarred so deeply was his own personal hell.
In a way, the assholes who kidnapped her had won. It was Dazai’s penance, as their leader had called it- still living with the crushing guilt even after he had saved her. Hating himself over and over again for putting her in that position in the first place. Remembering her in the video, bruised and bloody and scared for her life. Constantly reliving her desperate cries for him to leave her in those final moments while he was utterly helpless to save her.
It was torture.
He just felt so stupid for being outsmarted by the lowly organization and allowing his precious lover to get hurt in the process.
“Dazai,” Y/N spoke sharply, effectively snapping him out of his spiral. She rarely called him Dazai unless she was being serious, and she couldn’t stand hearing him blame himself for one more second. “I won’t lie to you and say that today wasn’t one of the worst days of my life. The fear I felt, knowing I’d been taken from my home, having to count down the minutes to my death…” she paused, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head as if willing away the unpleasant memories. He patiently waited for her to come back to herself, giving her hands a comforting squeeze.
“…It’ll take me a long time to get over that,” she finally admitted after a moment. “But the worst part of it wasn’t being kidnapped, or hurt by those men, or waiting for the inevitable explosion. It was thinking that I was going to lose you too. All I could focus on in those last minutes was you behind that door, too stubborn to leave me. All I could think about was how much I loved you, and how much I wanted you to be selfish for once and save yourself.”
She watched as he blinked back tears, a mystified expression in his face. As if the very thought of someone worrying about him and his life was completely foreign. Wanting to make herself absolutely clear, she kept going, no matter how much it hurt to see him struggling to understand her love for him. “I could never blame you for what happened. Those men did this to us- they caused all this pain and hurt. Not you.”
Her words left him dumbfounded, to say the least. They managed to remind him of why he loved her as fiercely as he did- she was the good in his life. Even after such a traumatic experience, she was incapable of blaming him for what had happened. Her love and compassion for him despite the darkness he brought into their lives was eye opening, forcing him to realize that no matter how much he thought it untrue, he was capable of being loved.
And how lucky he was to be loved by her.
Unable to articulate his complicated feelings any other way, Dazai cupped her face and surged forward, pressing his lips into her own and kissing her with such genuine fervor that it left Y/N breathless. Although she was momentarily shocked by his sudden show of affection, it quickly wore off as she melted into him. This was the first time they had truly kissed since reuniting, and they were each aching to communicate just how much they loved one another. How close they were to losing their other half; the person that completely them.
Her hands raked through his brown curls almost erratically, desperate to compensate for those long, torturous hours spent away from him. He seemed equally if not more hungry for her touch, like he was trying to prove to himself that she was really there with him after their near death experience. His slender fingers glided across her body and gripped her closer to him, nearly feral in his pursuit to feel every inch of her. She tugged at the hair near the base of his head and elicited a low, rumbling moan in return.
“My beautiful girl,” he rasped as he briefly pulled away, eyes roaming over her body with a look of complete infatuation. She was the most perfect thing he’d ever seen—and he’d almost lost her. His arm snaked around her waist to tug her impossibly closer, practically pulling her into his lap. She didn’t mind.
He continued to plant kisses all over her face, her hair, her jaw- anywhere he could reach. His lips ghosted over every inch of skin that had previously been covered in blood or bruises, almost as though he had memorized the exact locations of all her injuries just from watching the video hours ago. Knowing Dazai, he probably had committed all of her injuries to memory.
In between kisses, he muttered gentle praises and affections into her ear, all of which made her face flush a deep red. She would never tire of the way his whispered adorations made her heart race and the feeling of his soft lips against her skin. “My darling. My sweet belladonna. You’re everything to me. Everything,” he breathed, kissing the tip of her nose. “Words cannot even describe how much you mean to me. I’m nothing without you.”
Y/N rolled her head back as his lips trailed up her neck and neared her jawline, sucking in a sharp breath when his hands moved into her hair and his grip tightened. His kisses were becoming more passionate, more anxious to prove to her how grateful he was that she was finally back in his arms. That he would never let anyone lay a hand on her again. She allowed his love the wash over her, happily reciprocating when his lips finally captured her own once again.
He tasted like salty tears and home.
Eventually breaking away from one another to catch their breath, Y/N rested her forehead against Dazai’s and let out a shaky sigh, finally letting herself feel safe after what had felt like an eternity of fear and unease. Just being in his presence was enough to help alleviate some of crushing panic she had felt just hours ago.
“Thank you for being with me. For always protecting me, even when you think you’re not. And for never leaving me behind,” she whispered, glancing up into his big brown eyes that were mere inches away from her own. Although the thought of him almost dying with her in the explosion filled her entire being with dread, his determination to stay with her and offer her comfort until the very end meant more to her than she could explain.
“I wouldn’t dream of abandoning you. I’ll spend every day of the rest of my life protecting you and making sure something like this never happens again,” he assured her with nothing but sincerity in his soothing voice, taking her hands and gently brushing his lips over her knuckles. Her eyes fluttered closed at the gesture. “You are the most wonderful thing in my life. My reason for living at all. It’s hard to wrap my head around what I’ve possibly done to deserve you, but I promise I’ll do everything within my power to cherish you and keep you safe as long as I live.”
Y/N felt herself genuinely smiling for the first time in hours at her lover’s words. She was filled with such utter relief to be back in the safety of his arms. To be home, alive, and in love despite it all. Her heart felt like it would burst from all the love it held for Dazai Osamu.
“I love you,” she breathed, eyes meeting gentle brown once again. She was desperate for him to understand just how much she meant those words. To convey how safe he made her feel, and how much his presence comforted her. That no matter the danger she was in, she knew he would always be there for her.
“I love you too, Y/N,” he replied effortlessly, a part of him melting at the sight of her smile. He would burn the world just to keep that beautiful expression on her face. He made a silent vow to himself in that moment— no matter what it took, he would never lose her again.
The two eventually ended up in Dazai’s bed, practically clinging to one another as they shifted into a comfortable position. There would be no such thing as personal space that night. Y/N, who had been worried that the horrors she had faced would keep her exhausted body awake through the night, was pleasantly surprised to find that she was calm and content in Dazai’s embrace, already dozing off. He chuckled softly as her whole body relaxed against him.
“Sleep tight, my love. I’ve got you,” he mumbled into her hair, his warm breath fanning across her neck. She shivered and nuzzled herself further into his embrace, a soft smile on her face. No harm would come to her so long as she was in his arms.
Though they were both still riddled with guilt and turbulent emotions from the terrible night, they silently agreed to let go of their baggage for the time being and just appreciate one another, falling asleep in each other’s embrace.
Safe and home at last.
………………………………………………………………………………….
☆ note: yeahhhh dazai fic! i literally haven’t written in ages but i’ve been knee-deep in my bungo stray dogs era and dazai is taking up most of my brain capacity at the moment. this feels both rushed and wayyyy too long at the same time lol, i just had that feral writing energy and had to get it off my chest as soon as possible. it might be a mess but i’m exhausted and i’ve reread it too many times to catch all my mistakes lmaooo whatever. thanks so much for reading :)
#bungo stray dogs dazai#bungo stray dogs#bungo sd#bsd#bsd x reader#bsd x you#dazai osamu#bsd dazai#bungou stray dogs#dazaibsd#dazai x reader#dazai x you#dazai x y/n#dazai x fem reader#angst#bungo stray dogs angst#established relationship#dazai#dazai osamu x reader#angst to comfort#hurt/comfort#armed detective agency#found family#whump#Dazai whump#dazai angst#Dazai x reader angst
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Bad Dream (Dazai x Reader)
Art credits to haru9033 on Twitter (X or whatever the new name is)
Look at my cinnamon bun, my sweet baby. He's safe in my bed y'all! This is 100% self-indulgent because my therapy is until the 18th so I needed a distraction after reading chapter 109.
In which we have a nightmare (chapter 109 is the fucking nightmare) and Dazai comforts us to the best of his abilities. He's trying ok!
Should I write comfort for Sigma? When I get my hands on that rat!
Bye now - Mars ♡
Your eyes shot open, big and filled to the brim with tears. You felt your heart beating out of your chest, the muscle pumping larger amounts of blood under the silly impression that you’re dying. You were dying. It felt so, at least.
This unbearable tight feeling in your chest, like someone had your heart in their hands and was continuously wringing. Tighter and tighter. Your throat, stiff and dry, made your body feel worse. You could barely get a word out.
Dreams have a funny way of feeling too real and your silly little brain confuses reality with them. But it felt so real.
An overwhelmingly dreadful feeling engulfs your chest.
Breathe. Breathe.
The man beside you sleeping peacefully, or so it looked. Your legs intertwined with each other, and his head rested up against your breast without fully being on top of you. You try to calm yourself down, not wanting to wake your lover. It’s rare he gets any sleep. His own mind a steady home for ugly thoughts.
Gently you push him away from your body and get up, making your way to the kitchen. You poured yourself a glass of cold water and chug it down.
“Bella…” Dazai calls from the doorway, his face filled with sleep and his hair messy yet he still managed to look beautiful. He’s always beautiful.
“Oh… Osamu” you said weakly with a smile. “Just got a bit thirsty” you lie. You’ve figured out a while ago that it’s impossible to lie to him. The man was simply too smart.
Dazai smiled and approached you, his hands finding homage on your waist. “Bad dream?” he asked and leaned down holding you close. He rubbed his cheek against yours.
You nod, “I can’t hide anything from you huh?” his grip on your waist tightens ever so slightly. “No.”
He hums and leads you back to your bedroom. “Come, sit” he sits down on the bed leaning against the headboard and pulls you down onto his lap, “Tell me about it” His voice low and gentle. He radiates a certain comfort, or maybe it was because you’ve grown to love him so dearly that you naturally seek comfort from him.
Dazai places a kiss on your forehead, his hand rubbing your back trying to soothe you.
“Osamu…I…” You take a deep breath, “you… you died” your voice breaks and the tears roll down your cheeks. He brings his other hand up to your cheek, wiping away your tears. “I know it’s just a dream, but it felt too real and-and” you bury your face into the crook of his neck. His scent working as a grounding method, you breathe him in deeply. He smells like home.
Your home.
“I just don’t want to lose you” the tears kept flowing and your voice trembles as you speak.
“Bella I’m here” Dazai pulls you closer to his body as if to prove his point. “Right here my love” he leans down and kisses you. The kiss is slow, long, sloppy and each passing second, he presses himself closer into you. “I’m not going anywhere” he whispers against your lips.
He knows he’s contradicting himself. He knows. He knows he sounds like a hypocrite because he’s always mentioning suicide and asking you to die alongside him but right now. Right now, seeing you like this, crying and trembling he feels his heart breaks to pieces. And crying because of a stupid dream of him dying makes it even worse.
He knows it’s selfish but how he’s happy. Because he feels so loved right now. You’re crying over him, even if it’s just his dream self, you’re still crying for him. His heart does a little flutter. Still his main priority is comforting you, he’s no stranger to nightmares and you’re always there to comfort him when he’s bothered by his own ugly thoughts and dreams.
But Dazai felt so helpless, and he uttered out the most cliché words, but he couldn’t help it. Not when his love is trembling in fear right in his arms.
“Samu you” you exhales, trying to find your composure but every time you think you’ve stopped crying the minute you look into his eyes the tears start coming again. It was horrible, the image of your nightmare just replaying in your head.
Wrapping your hands around him you hug him tightly, you’re afraid he may not be able to breathe so you release it a bit. “Don’t fucking die” you threaten and Dazai can’t help but smile. This woman.
“Bella sshh” he seeks out your lips, kissing you again. “M’here, right here, yeah?” he pulls back and hold your face with both hands and rests his forehead against yours.
You’ve calmed down a bit, forehead resting against his. “Osamu, just” you found it hard to speak. Your body slightly trembling, seeking your lover’s touch. “Don’t move, just hold me…please”
He wraps his arms tighter around your form, you snuggle into him and close your eyes.
Dazai found himself humming softly and patting your back in a comforting manner. He kept doing so until he felt your light snore and the slower heartbeat. The steady thump thump thump comforting him.
“I love you very much and I won’t leave” he whispered and placed a kiss on the crown of your head.
.
That night Dazai Osamu stayed awake and kept his lover tightly secured in his arms, looking over and comforting them.
#dazai osamu#dazai x reader#osamu dazai#bsd dazai#bungo stray dogs#bungo stray dogs x reader#dazai fluff#chapter 109#bsd fluff#bsd comfort#angst?#bsd x reader#marswrites#bsd art#kissesforosamu#osamu fluff
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i’d like to request space song with dazai (specifically pm!dazai) hurt/comfort scenario,, reader comforting dazai during a breakdown or smth :(
Space Song
Pairing: Pm! Dazai x Fem! Reader(platonic)/Mori x 27! Reader
Type: Oneshot
Genre: Comfort/Fluff
Warnings: Long winded commas, Stormbringer spoilers/mentions, Dark Era mentions, Oda's death, mentions of war, mentions of Yosano's backstory, Mori being a bitch, slight yandere Mori mentions, kinda went off topic..
Synopsis: Dazai finally found someone who saw him for who he was and when his dearest friend died, he finds himself finding comfort in her embrace like a child being comforted by his mother.
A/n: Hey.. Please state if you want it to be romantic/platonic.. since you didn't say which one you want, I'll do the latter. Reader is implied to be 27 while Mori is 33. Reader is like a mother to Dazai. I kinda wrote this without thinking so I am so sorry.
Event // Pm. Masterlist // M.Masterlist
Dazai Osamu is the feared Demon Prodigy, the youngest underboss in the history of Port Mafia, the boss' right hand man, a genius; but deep down he was a child. A child misguided to do the wrong deeds, a lonely child used as a tool by others, a child who got affiliated with a mafioso at the age of fourteen, after an attempt in suicide. He was suicidal, a child at his age should be thinking of academics instead of how to end a war with another organization with the least casualties for his own gain. He could not see the purpose in living. Nobody saw him for who he was, it was never Osamu Dazai. Everything changed when he was fifteen, he met someone who gave him a reason to live for, someone who didn't judge him.
"sir, the boss has called you to his office" A black car stopped just beside of where he stood in the street.
"A mailman huh. I guess it really is important for Mori-san" he sighed, entering the back door of the car. It has almost been a year after Mori made him his 'witness' and succeeded as the Port Mafia boss.
The drive was silent, nobody said a word. The mailman was focused on driving and Dazai was looking out the window, observing people and their daily activities.
"We're here" The mailman said before the car stopped.
"mhm" He muttered opening and closing the door shut, and he drove away.
He was very familiar with the building. The five building-like-towers in the heart of Yokohama, the middle one being the tallest of all; where the Port Mafia boss, Mori Ogai lies. He reaches the highest floor and was eventually greeted by the guards, as he arrived he saw the boss and an unfamiliar woman sitting on the boss' desk, reading a document.
"Boss" He cleared his voice making his presence clear as the both of them talked.
"ah.. Dazai-kun" Mori shifted his attention from the woman to him.
"Sit down please" He offered while Dazai walked over to the small chair in the middle of the room. Mori made his his way towards another chair and sat down across him. She took documents on top of the desk after grabbing a brown, vintage briefcase. Making her way towards the door, Mori began explaining to Dazai. The only sound that feel the room was her heels clacking to the tiled floor until Mori finally spoke up.
"As you know Dazai-kun, the previous boss has returned.. based on the information you acquired from investigating Subarachi(?) city, it may have a lead on this 'Arahibaki' and by coincidence it seems that the Sheep King is looking for the so called God of Destruction" He explained.
"and?" He replied, clearly uninterested.
"He's suggesting that you work with Nakahara Chūya, if possible make him join the Mafia" She walked passed them, handing Dazai the documents she read earlier.
"Mhm, and you are?" Dazai asked before reading the documents. She continued to walk towards the door before Mori stopped her by ordering the guards from behind the door.
"Stay. (name)-sama" He smiled while she stopped in her tracks after hearing a pair of guards ruffle through the door.
"Haii.. what do you want now?" She let out a long, exasperated sigh. Ignoring her question, he explained to Dazai who she was.
"Dazai-kun, this is (name)-sama. She was strategist from the Great War" Sighing, she flopped down on a spare chair after he continued to explain about her to the young boy.
"So she knows about you killing the previous boss then?" He asked before glancing at her then to him.
"Yes. Now let's discuss this whole thing and why am I part of this?" She sat up, sending a glare at Mori.
"It was just as I explained earlier. The previous boss returned, Dazai-kun saw him personally so now that we have the Sheep King in our capture, we'll use that to our advantage by making him join the mafia." He gave both of them a closed-eye smile, Dazai put down the document and she gave him an annoyed look.
"That won't work" Both of them sighed in unison.
"Hm?"
"Chūya is too loyal to the Sheep. It's already given after all if he didn't, he would've left them to die long ago. After realizing his own potential, he would join an organization with a high pay; if he didn't have deep ties with them..—" She explained, sitting back down while Dazai listened to her.
"The only reason for him to join us for the Sheep's safety" He followed after hearing her explain.
"—It's not guaranteed he'll be loyal. If he joins the organization for their safety alone, there's a high chance he will destroy the mafia from the inside and save his little herd"
"Wait are you suggesting-?" Dazai's eyes widened realizing what she means.
"Yes.. We have to make them suspicious of him. If they notice they have been too dependent on him, they'll do any means to overthrow him and that's where we go in." She moved the white bishop on the chess board creating an opening for the rook, and continuing the abandoned game.
"After their betrayal, the Mafia comes in and will pretend to wipe out the Sheep. Chūya, after being betrayed will stay to protect them; so he will do a bargain to save them" Dazai moved the black knight, eating the bishop and now he was in advantage in terms of pieces.
"He'll then join the mafia in terms of the bargain" She then proceeded to move her rook from across the board, blocking the king's only path to escape, almost delivering a checkmate until Dazai's queen ate it to make the game a bit longer, but not to escape the inevitable fate.
"however-" Mori sighed but was cut off by her.
"since the main priority is to make sure the previous boss doesn't return so his supporters won't start a revolution.. you have to fix that first or else you'll get tortured, then executed" She glances at Mori before moving her rook to eat Dazai's queen, delivering a back-rank checkmate. Mori was in awe after watching his protegee and ex-lover play chess in sync, as if they were reading each other's minds.
"But won't you get executed too, (name)-san? I mean you knew of how the boss'really died, yet you didn't say anything.. making you, another accomplice" Dazai leaned into his chair, analyzing how he lost.
"I'm not part of the Mafia—" She nonchalantly responded.
"Yet." Mori's voice was full of demands.
"..tch. As I said, no." She stood up from her chair, giving Dazai a small smile before turning back to the door.
"Why?" This time he was more pushy for some reason.
"It's none of your business" She hissed before opening the door and leaving.
"Well isn't she beautiful.." He muttered under his breath while Dazai sat there with a fed up look on his face.
That was their first encounter. The second one was after both of them planned a strategy to defeat Verlaine. Even if Dazai didn't have any encounters with her that didn't involve work, he grew close to her. During their plannings, he was childish but she didn't mind. He felt comfortable with her, as if he could actually show his true self. She didn't try to exploit his intelligence, as she has one of her own, she tried to understand his view of the world, she sees through his emotions but she never used it to take advantage of him.
When she joined the mafia, her position was a strategist, even if she didn't engage in missions, she was valued by the Mafia because she was the one to pull the strings and by she was liked Mori personally. He had an interest in her that Dazai seemed to distinguish as love, one that he thought Mori was not capable off. All those who tried to assassinate her failed, because of Mori's interference and his predictions. Dazai didn't want her to die, not because of how important she was in the organization but because of his own personal reasons. He then became an executive at eighteen and met quite a few people, Sakunosuke Oda and Sakaguchi Ango, whom he calls his friends. Dazai finds himself looking for her again and again, wanting to see her, because of him, Oda, Ango and her became acquainted..
Oda and (name) was on a small talking about the orphans until Ango interrupted.
"I feel like I'm quite the third wheel here you know?"
"My, my.. I never knew you were sad that you were left out Ango-kun" She teased.
"Tch. I never knew you liked kids (name)-san" He tried to switch the topic.
"I feel neutral about them—I don't dislike them nor do I like them... I once met a child in the war, she was there as a nurse since her ability allowed her to heal soldiers... such a precious child—if I remember correctly, her name was Yosano" She faintly smiled at the memory.
"You took part in the war.?" Oda fiddled with his fingers.
"Mhm.. as a strategist..." She responded. Both of them stopped in their tracks before she turned around to face them.
"If she was in the healing section and you were a strategist, how did you meet her?" Ango asked, she halted and her eyes widened a bit before laying her head low.
"My ex-lover was a doctor, he was in charge of the nurses in the war including her. I ended our relationship because of how he treated that little girl and some other reasons... in the end, she was left traumatized.. I don't know what happened to her after it was over" She quietly muttered, remembering the bitter memories of the war.
"I see.. I'm sorry for asking-" He tried to apologize but was cut off but a faint voice screaming her name.
"Y/n-san!"
" hmm.? Dazai-" before she could say anything else, his body crashed with hers as he hugged her.
"I'm quite hurt that you didn't invite me you know!" He pouted before looking at both of them.
"Anyway! Why did you three look so glum-" He tried asking but he was cut off by his phone ringing.
"Oh. It's him. Oii slug what do you want?"
"What do you mean what do I want!? You suicidal waste of bandages! We have a mission remember?!" Chūya screamed through his phone while Dazai listened with a nonchalant expression.
"Yea, yea"
"YOU'RE PROBABLY WITH THAT STUPID STRATEGIST AND YOUR EQUALLY STUPID FRIENDS!" He insulted him while Dazai was quite taken aback. He gasped before he returned the screams.
"OI YOU SLUG! YOU'RE PROBABLY JUST JEALOUS THAT I HAVE FRIENDS AND A MOTHER FIGURE!!!" All of you were quite shocked but Dazai didn't even realize what he was saying.
"I DO HAVE FRIENDS! AND I HAVE ANE-SAN!"
"NO YOU DO NOT! YOU MAY HAVE A MOTHER FIGURE BUT ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE KILLED BY YOUR HOELESS BROTHER!" He screamed, ending the call before Chūya could repriocate what he said and kill him.
"sorry about that, slug was being extra annoying" he smiled but all of them were still processing what he said earlier
"Dazai.. do you see me as a mother figure.?" She asked, coughing. Her words didn't seem to process in his mind for a second or two.
"Of course not! I only said that to piss him off!" He tried explaining, even though his lie was clearly visible; she didn't bother to inquire any further, not wanting to be nosy.
"Now let's go drink I'm thirsty!" Dazai exclaimed, heading to Lupin while they followed.
That was the last time all of them drank. She was sent away because of an organization called the Mimic appeared, Mori kept her busy for a reason she couldn't hold a grasp on. Soon, Ango betrayed the mafia and Oda died. The reason why Mori kept her busy was so she cannot interfere and warn Dazai, now the Port Mafia has a special abilities permit with the cost of everything that mattered to Dazai. She only found out the last minute, and she hates that she can't do anything about it.
After hearing Oda's last words he was about to leave the abandoned mansion until he met her running. She saw Dazai, standing infront of the ballroom door with his head hung low; when she reached him, he collapsed to the floor into her arms. His head was on the crook of her neck, and her arms was around him, hugging him, slowly patting his head as he struggled to breath.
"Shh... It's okay I'm here" Her voice trembled knowing that the kids along with Oda are dead but she could only focus on the poor child in her arms.
"He's dead... Mori-san used the Mimic to get that black envelope and he-" He explained between hiccups.
"I know" She whispered but her voice cracked.
"What did Oda say.?" She patted his back trying to comfort him but his grip tightened on her.
"He wanted me to save people.. to find a value in life" He bit his lip.
"Then go.." She continued to comfort him but he left her embrace upon hearing her words.
"What.?"
"Don't worry about me.. one day you'll find your reason in living, and you would be happy that you listened to him" She smiled at him as he slowly got up.
"Then how about you?" He tried with every bit of strength he could find to convince her to go with him. She got up too, now facing him directly in the eyes she said:
"You're still young, you would be leaving an environment you are never supposed to be in. And I.. My soul is already bounded to the mafia, if I leave with you he'd do what it takes to get me back"
"But still I-"
"Mafiosos will be here soon... Go to Chief Taneda of the Special Division of the Unusual Powers in a small cheep bar, he'll help you. Don't hesitate to turn your back, go" She quickly explained grabbing him by the shoulders with a tenses expression. His lips parted but he didn't know what to say.
"Just go, I'll meet you again" She gave him a reassuring smiled. Upon seeing her eyes, he nodded.
"Thank you.." He quietly muttered before finally leaving.
A/n: Damn that was hard and cringe.. just so you know I kinda got distracted by music while doing this I apologize... For the person who requested this you can go to the comment section and say if you want me to redo it because I'll gladly do so :)
#bungou stray dogs#bsd fanfics#dazai x reader#bsd angst#bsd fluff#bsd comfort#bsd x reader angst#bsd x reader#bsd x reader fluff#bsd x reader comfort#dazai x reader angst#dazai x fem reader#mori x reader#mori ogai x reader#bsd mori#mori x reader angst#mori ogai#bsd fic#bsd fluff fics#comfort fanfic#this is so cringe#bungou stray dogs x reader#dazai osamu#ogai mori
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“Present.”
— in which Dazai wants to kiss you
part two here <3
“Osamu…”
Dazai lifted his gaze, his eyes narrowing at your figure.
It was cold.
The Summer, having prolonged its stay, pliantly welcomed the first cool breeze of Autumn, inviting the ember shafts of the moon a little earlier, cutting the day shorter and introducing the night before the clock struck nine.
And Yokohama appeared to come alive at night.
The streets bustled with crowds, lively and impeached with an alacrity one would expect to see when the sun was much, much higher in the sky.
Dazai found himself outside the Lupin Bar, leaving a half empty glass of sake idle on the cracked confines of the bar top, the crisp air steadying his somewhat dizzy state, un-fogging his senses and clearing his head.
Leaning against the bar wall, his hands in his pockets, an indiscernible look in his eyes as he watched the ever moving city around him.
It was moments like this when you knew his mind was elsewhere, reminiscing over memories in which you did not know, memories that left you except and puzzling over the glimmer of recognition in the depths of his eye.
Breaking his trance he regarded you with quiet solidarity, as if debating weither or not he should throw up his defences or continue to stare, an eyebrow raised in subdued acknowledgment of your appearance.
He didn’t seem shocked at your return, having been on a mission at the other side of Yokohama for a few days, you feel a sickly indulgence of disappointment in his lack of reaction, your shoulders dropping as you approach him slowly.
He probably knew of your return, he has a habit of knowing seemingly every action and it’s equal reaction before they are even taken, it’s a habit that leaves you uneasy at best, and terrified at worst.
Sighing, you join him against the Bar, leaning your head back against the bumpy surface of the wall.
He looks at you for a moment longer, and it’s as if you can feel him back away, creating an insurmountable distance between the pair of you.
In reality, you know he does not move, but at the sight of an ill placed smile stretching his face, you have never felt so immeasurably far from him.
“To what do I owe the pleasure?” He grins, and it’s ugly for a man so devastatingly beautiful in your eyes, you hold back a grimace.
“I’m back.” You say simply, unable to look at him anymore, the footpath suddenly becoming the most interesting thing you’d ever seen before.
A street lamp flickers, the light momentarily dies leaving the pair of you in the dark for a split second before the light returns, Dazai glances upwards to look at it, you don’t even notice.
You don’t know why you even sought him out, your feet seeming to move on their own after Kunikida grumbled that Dazai had headed to Lupin’s Bar just after his shift at the agency.
You have a gift for him from your mission, you tell yourself, attempting to justify your foolish actions, ignoring the voice in your head that reminds you that you would have seen Dazai at the agency at some point the following day.
“You’re back.” He mimics, and he’s back to looking at you again, trying to understand your actions, trying to comprehend why you were currently standing outside in the cold, cold night with him.
“The mission was successful then I suppose?” His smile seemed less indulgent now, and if you were to look up you would surely notice how his body swayed slightly, a testimony to the tipsy feeling resonating in his chest.
You don’t however, your eyes staying downcast as you nod; mumbling about how it was more boring that anything, you hear him laugh at your admission, you hate how empty it sounded.
“Is everyone at the agency ok?” You ponder, clinging to the tail ends of a conversation you were slowly losing.
“You didn’t visit them before you came to see me?” Dazai questions an undeniable tease in his voice, you feel yourself flush.
“I did, it’s how I-” Found out you were here.
The words die on your tongue, refusing to go into detail of how you actively asked for his whereabouts about five minutes into your return.
“Hm?” Dazai coaxes you, although you’re certain he knew what you were about to confess.
“Nothing.” You mumble, your hands clammy, “I uh did, but I only saw Kunikida and Yosano so..” You trail off.
“Ah” He muses.
And in the back of his mind, he wonders if you were simply here because you felt like it, that you had no alterier motives, internally frowning at himself for his suspicions despite knowing you were part of the ADA, critiquing himself silently for falling into old habits that should have died when he left the mafia.
He supposes that maybe you just wanted to see him.
The breeze falls over you both and he’s moving to leave, you look at him again, your head cocked, holding yourself back from questioning, restraining yourself from clinging onto his hand and begging to follow him, indulging yourself in the warmth of other human.
The bar door opens, and for a brief moment you hear the drunken giggles and exclamations of careless patrons, before the door swings shut again, muffling the voices. It grounds you.
Dazai takes a few steps and then turns to face you, his face unreadable, before he tilts his head gesturing for you to follow him, you think your heart soars.
“You coming?”
And you’re pushing yourself away from the wall, nodding.
He doesn’t wait for you to catch up, and you find yourself walking at a pace slightly behind him, your hand subconsciously tracing the box in your pocket.
You wonder if you should give him his gift now, or if you should wait.
When you can’t decided you stay silent, choosing to speed up to level the distance between you both.
You have no idea where you’re going, simply following a man who’s actions you couldn’t begin to understand. He makes no effort to inform you of the destination and so you make no effort to ask.
Dazai likes to think when he walks, constantly scheming, devising ways in which he could encourage Atshushi to grow, or better yet, another way to end his life, and fail, over and over again.
A bitter cycle that infringes upon his thoughts like a bullet.
Tonight however, his thoughts circle back to you, and your silence, and how your face seems to glow in the dim light of the night. And he blames the alcohol that’s coursing through his blood, the last of his drink finally hitting him as he walks, dizzying him and rendering him in a state of concealed vulnerability.
“So.” His voice comes out steady, despite his tendency to slur his sentences when under the influence.
You look at him, gently urging him to continue.
“You’re hiding something.” He states, and you curse him for his intellect and damn observation.
You grip your coat tighter, eyeing the bulge in your pocket, defeat already coaxing you to reveal your intentions.
“I suppose.” You whisper, concluding to yourself that there was really no reason to hide the present from him, after all it was just a gift shared between two work colleagues, there was no need to plaster it with a hidden agenda.
Reaching into your pocket you timidly lift it out, his gift was wrapped, just like everyone’s gift from the agency, a pretty ribbon tying it all together in a clumsy bow. You feel foolish.
“I brought you something from my mission.” You explain, your eyes trained on his face.
And Dazai pauses, his steps slowing to a stop as he stares at the box in your hand, and you scramble to explain yourself, eyes wide.
“I-I got everyone from the agency something!” You stammered, “I just…wanted to give it to you.”
He doesn’t move for a second, his eyes moving between your flustered face and the present.
A car drives past, it’s headlights cause you to blink.
“Do you plan on giving them their presents in such an intimate manner as well?” His voice was softer, as if he himself is unsure of your answer.
His question makes you freeze, feeling as if you were caught in your own actions.
You whisper a tiny “No” and Dazai just nods.
And you hate how you don’t understand.
His hand brushes yours as he picks up the box, his hands are cold, you try not to shiver under his calculating gaze.
“You don’t have to open it now.” You mumble, willing yourself to look him in his eye.
Truthfully you hope he doesn’t open it in front of you, unable to cope with the silent weight of the consequences to your actions.
Dazai finally breaks eye contact to look at the bow, his finger going up to play with the flimsy material.
You brought him something, you had thought of him. Dazai, was unable to fathom how you could be so pure and act so well intentioned to someone with his past.
Did you not believe him to cruel? A man desperately trying to patch over his history with the excuse that he had changed. Changed from the eighteen year old who’s presence struck fear in those unfortunate enough to know his name. Who’s presence alone caused the death of the only person who-
Bitterly, he reminds himself that you had thought of everyone at the ADA.
Without a word he pockets the gift, that same ugly smile rippling his features yet again.
“How kind of you to think of me!” He exclaims, his voice far too loud for the quietness of the gesture, clapping his hands together in an enthusiastic display of himself.
The distance between the pair of you stretched for miles and you shake your head.
“I think about you plenty.” Your voice is hushed, edging on exasperated, because (although you would rather die than describe your complicated feelings for Osamu Dazai out-loud) you don’t appreciate being pushed away.
The moon appears to hide behind the clouds, leaving the street lights to fend for themselves. Their glow emphasising your features as he looks at you.
And Dazai wants to kiss you.
It’s a desire that materialises amidst the acutely awkward silence that follows your admission, it breathes down his neck and forces him to lose any and all words that might escape his lips.
He smiles, a bandaged hand reaching up to cup your cheek, your eyes squint; confusion, admiration and need seeping out from their sockets and onto your face, and Dazai, for once, is grateful for his ability to read people, to read you.
He wants to kiss you, but he doesn’t.
You lean into his hand as his thumb gently draws circles across the area just below your eye, your lips part, a question you will never ask bubbling in your throat.
The pair of you look at each-other for another brief moment before Dazai removes his hand from you and turns, hiding his expression.
“You’re cold.” He states, starting to walk, “You should go home.”
And you watch him go, your feet refusing to move, body overcome with a melancholy you only ever seem to experience around Dazai.
The moon peaks out from behind the clouds again, as if to ask if you’re ok. Illuminating both you and your surroundings like a blanket.
And you feel exhausted.
masterlist <3 or part 2 here :)
feel free to leave a request !
A/N: this was supposed to be fluff idk what happened- i think i started thinking of chapter in 109 half way through, i’m sorry ANYWAY hi bsd fandom ily ily ily and thank you for reading !!!
#dazai x reader#bsd dazai#bsd season 5#bsd manga#bsd#bungo stray dogs dazai#bungo stray dogs x reader#hurt/comfort#angst#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs manga#dazai osamu#dazai smut#dazai x reader comfort
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may i request scenario (12) cheating on you with prompt 7 "only if you knew how much i liked you." drabble pls, with dazai, fyodor, and chuuya? those characters were the only ones that popped into my mind lmao . . .
yes ma’am the angst is gonna go crazy and this is gonna be without Fyodor because so many others asked for him TvT
✧˚ · . whose heart could I break today? - BSD men when they cheat on you
He loved you. But he couldn’t help it.
summary ⋆ ★ angst, cheating, minor NSFW, crying men (chuuya)
Dazai Osamu:
It was just a mission at first. You two were sent to infiltrate a party and intercept a parcel. Easy, right? That’s what you both thought at first. His lips gave yours a short kiss before walking into the building separately. No one should be able to link the two of you together, after all.
Of course soon after entering Dazai was already being pawed at by rich women cooing at him for just a second of his time. A small bit of desire had risen in his lower abdomen, but when he saw you across the room, he urged himself not to be misled. He was a scoundrel, but he wasn’t a cheater. So why was it that barely half an hour later he found himself locked in a room with some woman he hardly knew, hushing her with his fingers while he pounded into her?
A woman that wasn’t you. When he came back out, clothes slightly disheveled and skin glistening with sweat, you knew. Oh, how that dread hit you like a train. How you wished you really were hit by a train in that moment when he looked at you and knew that you knew. You felt so fucking dumb. So stupid to believe his words that he was loyal to you and you only.
There you were, a broken heart and the realization that your partner cheated on you. Your now ex-boyfriend.
When you left the party—the mission completely forgotten by the both of you—he soon followed after, fingers outstretched to grasp your shoulder, lips aching to say how sorry he was and that he just couldn’t resist her. But he held back. Let you walk away as he stood there in the rain, a sad smile on his face.
Yet another one lost. All because of him. Dazai Osamu couldn’t ever keep anything, could he?
Chuuya Nakahara:
Alcohol. The one thing that he resented now.
The thing that made him lose you. Dimmed his moral compass and loyalty to you. Chuuya’s always been such a loyal person. Hell, he was a puppy when it came to you. Or at least used to be. But he fucked it up. Became too tipsy one night at a bar when you weren’t there because you were at your job. Chuuya took another woman to your home, to your shared bed.
While you worked, he fucked.
Chuuya felt so guilty when the high wore off and the girl went home. When you got home, he immediately told you and begged for forgiveness, getting on his knees even and sobbing that he didn’t want you to leave. Fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he drunkenly rambled about how you were everything to him.
You left the next morning.
He took the day off—the whole event hitting him coupled with his hangover—and let the memories wash over him. Countless kisses stolen, nights in bed spent gossiping and binging Netflix. Not to mention the more tender ones. You going with him to the Flags’ graves on the anniversary of their deaths. Reassuring him that he was human when he swore he wasn’t. Why didn’t he realize how much you two were meant for one another?
Nakahara Chuuya once had a soulmate.
Now, he lacked one.
A.N: I think you can tell I put in more effort for Chuuya. don’t complain.
Tags: @twst-om-lover, @sinfulthoughtsposts
#bungou gay dogs#bungou stray dogs#aspiring writer#bsd x reader#bungo stray dogs x reader#chuunai#fanfic#bungo stray dogs chuuya#chuuya#chuuya x reader#dazai x reader#soukoku x reader#cheating#bsd angst#angst#no comfort#no happy ending#ok why is my writing for Chuuya so much better than Dazai’s????#probably not that well proof read honestly
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~ a little something about the unfathomable history between you and Dazai ~
"Shit..."
It's raining, and you're trying to light a cigarette in the rain. How banal, and yet, it was comforting to you. That's just who you were, trying to change the outcome of things that were doomed from the start... Like your past relationship with Osamu Dazai. It was a strange little bond, a rhythm only you and him could follow even if it was almost impossible to truly pin his true emotions down. To really feel him as yours. If you were attracted to danger and misfortune, he was a goddamn car crash. Still, that never stopped you from dreaming of a life with him, a real one. None of this inconclusive and melancholic back and forth, cowardice is what you really called it.
Though you could never tell that to his face, because then, you'd call it love. Love you had no problem showering him in, love you ultimately felt pushed him away when he decided to stop seeing you, disappearing with that very love... with all you had. That was a year ago. So now you're a little tipsy, and trying to light a cigarette in the rain because you don't have anything else to waste your time on. Or rather, someone to waste it on. You take out a flask, and chug down cheap whiskey, grimacing immediately after you swallow it down.
"No need to choke down that disgusting stuff on my behalf,"
A familiar voice calls out from the darkness of the street corner, where the lamp's flickering light threatens to black out in an instant. A dying flame, just like your lighter. You're already frozen, and stare at the void where the voice came from, telling yourself this can't be... not after all this time. You get a feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach. You reply, voice meek and slightly slurred.
".. What?"
"What about what?" He mockingly calls back out, refusing to show himself just yet. In all honesty, he had been watching you from the corner for a while now, feeling a sense of sick satisfaction at the way you stupidly put any faith in that lighter of yours. Just like how you put your faith in him, and he squandered that as quickly as possible.
You look down, shaking your head as the rain washes over you, dripping down from your chin to your shoes. Every bit of your constitution is shattered when you realize you were a fool then, and you're a fool now. You tell yourself you can't let your heart warm up again, it needs to stay ice cold... What a joke. You scoff,
"Spare me the bullshit, Osamu"
You hear a soft laughter come from the shadows, and you wish you were six feet underground.
"Mm, I missed hearing you berate me~"
He says that so casually, and when his laughter settles, the rain takes over again. You look over at the flickering lamp post, as if you could see him directly, and roll your eyes, sighing. You call out, bitterly.
"Well I don't think about you at all."
And as you say that, the painful little ache between your brows walks out of the shadows and into the broken light, hands in the pockets of his tan coat, and soaked hair that somehow looked even better when it was disheveled. He clicks his tongue, and speaks in a low voice as he strides towards you, making your heart beat right out of your chest.
".. You should."
He says that like it's the most natural thing, a sly smile on his lips as he stares you down. He thinks you look utterly breathtaking even in your pitiful state. He thinks maybe he should kiss every little inch of your body for the rest of his life.
"Shut up."
"Oooh, that's the best you can do? Tell me to shut up?"
"I don't want to slap you in public, so this will have to do."
You spit back, your face twisted into a frown, one that's already stinging with the threat of breaking down into tears. You hate feeling something that's impossible, hoping the rain will wash it all away. Dazai smirks and raises a brow, his eyes are dark and knowing as he studies you.
You're exactly the same as you were a year ago. Full of life, even if you can't see it now.
"You're still so hot in your coldness. Predictable, but I love it. It reminds me of the time you and I-"
"What do you want, Dazai?"
Oh the way you switch to his last name makes his chest ache. His smile drops just a tad, and he looks down, looking like a wet cat as he clears his throat. His tone is sardonic, once again breaking you down as if you weren't the one making his hands tremble in his pockets. But he has a game to play...
"Just passing through, obviously. What could I possibly ever want from you?"
"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
You feel yourself swaying, as if the rain was quite literally dragging you down... or maybe you were just drunk. Dazai finds it endearing how you ask such idiotic questions, that after all this time you still feel the need to know him. He slowly walks even closer to you, until he's inches away. His eyes soften, along with his voice, and a pang of bitter nostalgia hits you both at once. He reaches a hand out from his coat pocket, and takes the metal flask from you, his cold slender fingers dusting lightly over your knuckles for a second too long. He thinks you look even prettier up close, and decides to put you out of your misery.
"You want me to be blunt I suppose? Hm, that's awfully dull... I love you, silly."
It's like being staked through the heart when someone like Osamu Dazai says that to you. Your throat feels like it's closing, and your lip quivers ever so slightly.
"Don't be ridiculous. You don't have time to love."
A scoff escapes him, and he finds it irritating that you would say that, despite him knowing he's more than at fault for that very resentment you hold. Still, it doesn't make his own words any less true. He exhales, and looks at you with those cruel eyes, the ones that burn into the back of your head with scrutiny. He feels hollow, and it hurts deeply to feel this again after he swore he wouldn't let himself crave you. He shouldn't get what he wants, or else he'll wander the streets at night like a starving dog hoping he catches you at your lowest so he can pick up the pieces, and maybe one day not leave right after. Maybe he'd finally follow you home. You're weak, and it's rubbed off on him.
His voice comes out too pleading, too desperate, and too damn sincere. He's fucked.
"... Ah, you wound me... I'm making time on this lovely evening for you, no? Even if it's just for one ridiculous night, I'd like it to be with you. If you want to do worse things than just slap me you can do that too if it makes you feel any better. Kick me, scream at me, I don't really care. I have the time right now and we can do this."
You didn't even register when the tears started streaming, and you definitely didn't think he would know to tell them apart from the rain streaming down your flushed cheeks at the same time. Yet here he is, using his thumb to gently wipe them, the feeling of his skin against yours for the first time in a year is searing... It's punishing. You sniffle.
"Stop- Don't do this to me... Stop talking like that when I feel so empty...."
He flashes you a sad smile, a repenting smile. He almost looks human as he stares at you, searching for something. Anything.
"Then let me fill you."
He leans in, his nose touching yours, and his whisper sends chills down your spine. It's poison.
"Say you love me too. Like you used to."
"... I-I refuse to say it again. Especially in public."
"Say it in private, then. Say it hundreds and thousands of times for me. I can beg."
He nuzzles into your face, placing the lightest kiss on your cheek, and you can feel the way his lips curl into a smile against it. He wants to give you the kind of hope you only see in movies, but all he ever delivers is the carnage of a greek tragedy. Still, he wants you claim him as yours forever, even if he is a doomed man. Even if all you did was stick your finger in his wound he called a 'heart'.
"You always reduce me to nothing. It's exhausting." You mumble, pathetically.
"Nothing? Is that how little you think of yourself when I'm with you? Not only are you drunk, you're dense."
"I'm just saying. Us. Whatever we were. It was over before it even began."
Dazai interjects, bitterly.
"Don't say that, you're sounding too much like me."
"I'm just imitating you."
Oh, bless your inebriated lovesick little heart...
"You're nothing like me."
He speaks in a low and bitter murmur, as if not wanting to be heard at all. You could never come close to the atrocity that he is. The past was his mistress, it's why he left. But even in the past, he saw you too. You were there, you're always there.
He drops the flask, and it makes a loud sound as it falls to the floor, the rain pattering onto the metal making it echo. Before you can chastise him, he gently tilts your chin up and catches your soft petal lips in his, pressing into you as much as possible.
He wants to be so immersed in your essence that you become a part of him, selfishly so, and he wants to be a part of you. His tongue softly begs to enter your mouth, and the beautiful whimpers you make that reverberate against his lips cause him to wrap a hand around your waist and bring you closer, hold you tighter, as if you'd dissipate into nothing if his grip even remotely loosened. He needs to hear more of it, remembering how you used to be so embarrassed by how vocal you were with him before. He didn't mind it back then and he doesn't mind at all now, it is the most adorable sound he's ever heard in his miserable life.
You pull back from your kiss, a small string of saliva connecting your lips, and you look up at him, muttering as you try to catch your breath. You'd go to hell for that face alone.
"You'll stay right? You'll stay this time?"
Dazai looks down at you, eyes half lidded and breathing shallow. He smiles faintly and tilts his head to the side. He wants to crush that little dream of yours but he can't find the strength to slam his foot down. He knows he should pull away, he should leave and break your heart in hopes that you'll move on from the disaster he is, but he knows what you're pleading for. You're so naive, so goddamn perfect, he wants to laugh at the thought of him ever leaving you willingly again.
The overwhelming ache in his chest makes him realize he no longer has the upper hand in these games.. That he would rather make your dreams come true than to steal the light in your eyes... It's imperative. That as much as he denied it a year ago, he no longer has a game to play. He'll gladly suffocate in the warmth of your embrace, just how he imagines it every night before he falls asleep. He cups your face, and whispers with a familiar wink,
"... I'll tell you in private."
#HES A DOGGGG HES A DEMON HES A DEVIL I WANT HIM#you guys should haaaaate me rn#not only is this the longest fucking thing ever#but i hurt my own feelings for a bit#i hear angst i go how much. endless? right AWAY I AIM TO PLEASE#dazai the absolute man that you are..... possessing me#srry didn't proofread i haven't slept LOVE U GUYS#bungou stray dogs#dazai x reader#his loser ass is so in denial and then fucking breaks down HES IN LOVE YOIR HONOR#bsd dazai#dazai x you#osamu dazai#osamu dazai x reader#bsd x reader#angst#hurt/comfort if u squint#dazai angst#dazai imagines#bungo stray dogs
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Soukoku with a very reluctant reader despite being with them throughout practically everything (15 arc to present) and being in a relationship (dating/married whatever) with them they still aren’t comfortable and exclude themselves on purpose, dodging their kisses, slipping out their arms in hugs, and avoiding them in general because they feel as if the two are quite literally meant for each other and they’re just a nuisance (it’s soukoku they are literally made for each other) so they don’t think much of it until the two of them confront them, y’know?
𝓢𝓸𝓾𝓴𝓸𝓴𝓾 𝔁 𝓖𝓷! 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻
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I've been really wanting to write this for a while now but i haven't had the motivation to do so 😓
I decided to make it so that like chuuya and dazai had started to talk about wanting kids with the reader and then reader also wanting them but becoming much more distant since they think they dont deserve to start a family if that makes sense??
I'm sorry if this wasn't like what you wanted this is just what i came up with :(
TW: Idk really know, Talk about pregnancy? Please do tell me if there is something that could need a TW
Also reader is AFAB but uses GN pronouns.
English isn't my first language!!!
Words: 1,6k
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You love both your hubands, Chuuya and Dazai, very much, but you always felt like you were in the way of their love, like you were a bother to them or that you didn't deserve them. In your mind they were meant for each other, which they are, but you felt like you were just there, like you aren't meant to be with them.
For as long as you can remember, you've been the most distant one in the relationship, the one that gives the least kisses, hugs ect ect. Both Chuuya and Dazai just thought you weren't into physical touch so they didn't ask much about it, but they still gave, or at least tried to give you lots of kisses and love.
Most of the time when one of them tried to kiss you, you slip away to avoid the kiss. Only sometimes did you actually let them kiss you, and they cherish those moments with you since they're so rare.
You always try to convince them that you dont need to join them on dates and that they arent your thing, even when all you wanna do is go on cute dates with them. Even with your excuses, they still get you on dates most of the time, but even then you're still very distant.
You even sleep in a different room, and saying "I'm more used to sleeping alone" or "i sleep better when i'm alone" as an excuse when they ask. Still, your heart hurt when you thought about how they cuddled in bed in the room right next to you, you knew you could just walk in and join them, but you felt like you weren't worthy of that.
Over all, you felt really insecure in the marrige, you really had made yourself believe that they didn't love you at all.
.....
You've been very insecure about the relationship for years, even when you guys were just teens, it all started when they asked you to be they're partner when they were both 17, since then you've been like this. But now, for some reason, you've been worse then ever.
Ever since you overheard them talking about wanting children you've been trying to keep away from them compleatlly, for what reason? You honestly dont know. you don't know why you are like this, you want children with them, so why are you becoming more distant then ever?
You've spent nights crying because of this, one of the most reacent ones were, chuuya hugging you from behind and caressing your belly while you made some food for yourself. You don't even know what made you want to cry, the gesture just made you feel something inside. After that you had excused yourself and rushed into to the bathroom, turned on the shower and cried.
Because of your change in behaviour, and becoming more and more cold to the both of them, they fianlly started to think that maybe, just maybe there was something wrong with they're precious sweetheart.
One night when you had gone into your room they both could hear faint sobbing, and they had gotten worried. That night they stayed up until late talking about times where they had both been oblivious to your actions and how they should bring it up to you. They were both very guilty, even if they didn't know what was bothering you.
...
...
You were sitting on your bed looking at the snow falling outside through your window while drawing something, everything felt so peacefull at that moment, like nothing else but you and your little space existed.
Everything felt fine until the thought of a child came back itn your mind. what would it be like to have a child with them? would that make you feel loved? would it make you feel like a part of they're relationship?
You thought about the time you overheard them talk about having a child through surrogacy. "Maybe we could try surrogacy? It didn't look like [Name] enjoyed it when we had sex, and i'm not sure they would wanna carry a baby" you had heard Dazai say to Chuuya.
Surrogacy wasn't a bad thing to you, but you were scared that they would ask you, since you knew you couldn't bring yourself to say no. It made you scared that another person was gonna carry your child. You were scared they would find them prettier, more beautiful then you and leave to be with them.
You felt tears form in your eyes at just the thought of something like that happening. Your tears fall onto the half done drawing thats in your lap, making small damp spots on it. You try to hold back your tears as best as you can but they just keep coming, its like all the emotions you've been bottoling up for the past few years are fianlly beinfg released.
As you sit on your bed sobbing, you fail to notice both Chuuya and Dazai standing outside your room listening, both of them looking worried. They both give each other a look and decide to walk in and see if you are alright and if they can figure out why you've been acting so distant.
A sudden small knock on the door of your room snaps you out of it and you quickly start to wipe your tears in a hurry, "W-what..?" You say, trying to not making it sound like you've been crying, since you dont want them to wotty about you. "Darling, we heard you crying.." Chuuya opens the door and gets closer to you. "Please tell us whats wrong.. we care about you.." He takes your hand and strokes it gently with his thumb.
This small act of love makes you burst back into tears as Dazai and Chuuya take you into they're arms and start to rub your back as your sobs become louder. At this moment you feel trully loved by them, you feel safe and protected in they're arms, as if there is nothing that can hurt you at this moment.
"[Name], darling whats wrong? did we do something to upset you? ..why have you been so distant?" Dazai ask you while moving some of your hair out of your face. You can see the worry in both they're faces, and you start to feel guilty for maiking them worried. "..its nothing.. i swear.." You try ti make up excuses and you try to slightly push them of you, but you feel so weak at the moment.
"we can obviously see that you aren't doing alright.. please.. we care about you and your health.. we dont want you yo suffer alone.." Chuuya wipes your tears and kisses your forehead gently.
After a while of just being in they're arms you fianlly feel brave enought to try and tell them, you tell them how you've felt like you are just a burden in the relationship, like you're in the way of they're love. "..I just feel like i dont deserve to be with you both.. its.. just that you two are double black.. you both are amazing and strong.. and i'm just nothing... i haven't done anything.. You both would be betrter of dating someone else" You say while sniffling and wiping more tears of your face.
They both look quite sad as they listen to you explain how you feel, they both feel really guilty for not noticing earlier. "Darling.. we both love you more then anything in the world, just because 'haven't done anything' doesn't mean we dont love you.." Dazai takes your hand and kisses it, "We married you because you're beautiful, smart, funny and much more.. we really do love you.." Chuuya cups your cheeks making you look at him.
You can feel yourself starting to slightly feel better, knowing that they both love you, but stil, the topic of surrogacy was stil heavy on your mind. "..but.. what about the surrogacy thing..? do you guys still wanna do it..?" You ask them quietly and they both look at each other.
"Well, we do want to have a child, and surrogacy is a good option.." Dazai answers and he can see your face immediately drop making them slightly worried. "is there a problem dear..?" He asks you, "..i know it sounds dumb, but i'm just scared you both will leave me for the surrogate mother if we do a surrogacy.. i'm scared you two will think shes better then me.." Your voice shakes a bit as you talk, and you can see them both kinda realize why you're so sad.
"Oh, so this is what you've been sad about? You've been thinking about us leaveing you for someone else..?" Chuuya says before he continues, "Dear, we would never make you agree to have a surrogacy if it makes you uncomofrtable.. the surrogacy idea was just a back up plan.. for you know.. if you could for some reason carry the baby or you didn't want to carry it.." He chuckles a bit, trying to make you a bit happier. "Did you ovear hear us talking about it? Because if thats the only thing you heard, i'll have you know that that wasn't our first idea" Dazai adds and you feel a bit dumb for feeling so upset over something so small.
"But really [Name], we want to start a familly with you, but we both think its best you get some therapy first. And i'm not saying this as an insult but, we both think you aren't in the right state of mind to make such a big decision, we want you to have healed and to be fully sure if you want to have a child.." Dazai tells you, and now that you think about it, maybe therapy is a good option for you. "..I will.." you whisper.
You hear a satisfied hum come from them both, "We will both be by your side the entire time.."
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OML i'm finally done with this, i hope you like it. Again the ending might be a bit ass since i didnt really know what to write 😢
Also, please tell me the gender of the reader, cuz if you dont i'm just gonna make them AFAB and GN Like i really dont want to acidentally write like AFAB reader when you actually wanted AMAB, so please tell me it in the request 💀
Also, if you wanna be tagged in my post just tell me, idk if anyone wants to 😢
#bsd#dazai osamu#dazai x reader#bungo stray dogs#chuuya#chuuya nakahara#chuuya x reader#chuuya angst#chuuya and dazai#dazai angst#angst to comfort#bsd fluff#bsd angst#dazai osamu x reader#dazai bsd#soukoku#skk#nakahara chuuya#bsd angst to comfort#dazai fluff#bungou stray dogs x reader#dazai imagines#dazai x you#chuuya fluff#chuuya fanfic#chuuya x reader x dazai#chuuya x you#chuuya x y/n#chuuya x fem!reader#dazai x chuuya
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Of Sleep, Humanity, and Tainted Sorrow
Instead Of Sleep Universe (IOSU)
Dazai x F! Reader, Dazai x Chuuya, Dazai x F! Reader x Chuuya
Word Count: 2,696
This is an offshoot of my Bungou Stray Dogs oneshot Instead of sleep, I like to call this the Instead of Sleep Universe. While this could probably be read as a standalone, I would not recommend it. I’ll make sure to link the original. Instead of Sleep
To recap: Reader is a member of the ADA with an ability called Instead of Sleep which allows her hot project her current exhaustion onto someone else and enter their dreamscape, or subconscious. Her ability only works if she is tired beforehand and suffers from extreme insomnia because of this. “Instead of Sleep” ability is loosely based on the Ao3 tag “I wrote this instead of sleeping”
The original ship was just Dazai x Reader, but I’m a greedy indulgent little shit with a love for why choose books so this installment is Dazai and Chuuya with Reader.
This has not been proofed or edited. I am also considering writing a second part.
m.list
The relationship started with just you and Dazai, you thought it was monogamous, you thought it was just the two of you, faithful to each other. So, when you found out you were "the other woman" you were actually heartbroken beyond belief. Not only were you unable to sleep because of your ability, but you were unable to eat, you took up cases left and right and going home to change and stare at your ceiling most nights; sometimes your coworkers would come into the office the next morning to find you in the same position you were in when they left, at your desk doing your work but also nearly everyone else's too.
Every member of the agency tried in their own way to get you to settle, relax, eat at least a little something, or take a small nap. Well, all except for Dazai, he had tried in the beginning but your kept your distance as much as possible. Ranpo would leave snacks or force them into your hand. Yosano would drag you to the infirmary after a laborious case under the guise of a checkup but would make you lay there for a minimum of 30 minutes if you didn't manage to fall asleep for at least some rest. Junichiro and Kenji both trying to brighten your mood with jokes or tales from home. Kyouka would place the stuffed bunny she kept on her desk in your lap if she noticed you were fiddling with your hands more than usual and seemed anxious. Atsushi even guided you to an open section of the office a few times where he arranged the futon kept in the office for just in case scenarios, would force you down, and would turn into Byakko for you to contently sigh and curl into the tiger and at least run your fingers through the fur and let the tension slip from your shoulders and occasionally your eyes droop until you'd fall into a small slumber, that was about as much sleep as you would get. The president on more than one occasion would try to send you home and to not come back until you rested, but you both knew it was fruitless cause.
This carried on until eventually you had passed out from the lack of care your body was receiving on top of falling sick and found yourself in the hospital for a week and a half. When you woke up early in your stay there was Dazai in a chair pulled up next to your bed with his head in his hands and a certain redhead mafia executive leaning in the doorway to your room.
Come to find out, Dazai was bisexual and was interested in a polyamorous relationship and was working up the nerve to tell you about it and his relationship with Chuuya. He knew he never should have entered that relationship with you without you explicitly knowing. And was he ever sorry, seeing your weakened state and how much smaller you looked in that hospital bed amplified that. He stayed away because it's what he thought you wanted, that you were disgusted, never did he think you were going to find yourself sick in the hospital.
And well, Chuuya at the time was indifferent. Sure, the Mackeral should have done a lot different, but he didn't know you as well as he did Dazai. He did know you through Osamu, he knew details about you; hell he kept pestering Dazai to tell you early on so save both of you from the pain; he didn’t know things had gotten this bad. He didn't know you, but he wanted to, especially after he saw your smile and heard your laugh for the first time, even more so when it was over a piece of commentary regarding something dumb his ever so smart partner had just said.
Over time, your relationship with Dazai repaired and grew with Chuuya. Eventually, you found yourself in the best relationship you could ever hope to be in. Sincerely loved by both men and spoiled beyond belief, you didn't think you deserved it but were grateful you did. Most nights you spent in-between the two, curled into Dazai with Chuuya wrapped behind you; in fact most nights you actually got at least a few hours of peaceful sleep - this was the most rested you had been in years.
That's part of why you were worried when a joint mission with the ADA and Port mafia required the once double black to team up for a mission that was going to take anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. Despite the usual efficiency between the two on missions, this was week three without them. You had managed to sleep maybe a collected 8 hours during that time. The three of you called regularly, sometimes it was enough to lull you into a light sleep but it never lasted a full hour. You would try to assure them that, yes you were getting some rest, but both men could hear the exhaustion in your tone as you tried to pretend for their sake.
So, when during one of your calls during a day you had off and you were sniffling and your voice sounded just a bit off, Dazai and Chuuya knew they had to finish this mission and finish it now. Of course they asked what was wrong and if anything happened just to make sure that wasn't the problem and you said you were sure it was just allergies despite it raining, it became clear to them your immune system had taken a hit. Which per past events, a simple cold had the high probability of moving downhill quickly.
You never had a particularly strong immune system, lack of proper rest tends to weaken its defense and ability to recover. By the end of the call you had let the coughs you were trying to hide slip and your voice was rougher than when the conversation started and you sounded absolutely exhausted. Keeping up the facade proved to be hard as the time went on.
This was more than enough to get double black to act quickly and end this. They had more than enough to report and act on. If their new plan went the way it was supposed to they would be back to you by tomorrow morning. By the evening hours the mission was completed, their bags were packed and Dazai and Chuuya were on a train back to Yokohama. Paperwork was done on the journey back and dropped off at its respected location before they made the trip back to mafia executives apartment where all three of you have been living. Dazai had made sure to tell shachou both of you wouldn't be in today or tomorrow, longer depending on how sick you were. Fukuzawa's eyes widened when he heard you were sick and told the brunette to not worry about coming back until you were in peak health, either of you. He knew Dazai was imperative to your recovery, sleep is a powerful medicine and you rarely got any without the detective.
After completing those quick tasks they met each other at the red heads building simultaneously and and hurried up the floors to reach the apartment. Getting ready to put the key into unlock the door both could hear a chesty cough and both looked at each other with wide eyes.
"Honey, we're ho-ome~!" Dazai announced sing songedly.
"Welcome back you two," you replied hoarsely before falling into the fit of coughs and slight wheezes.
Spotting you sat huddled in the corner of the sectional couch wrapped in the largest and fluffiest blanket they owned, Chuuya dropped his bag where he stood and made his way over to you. Watching you try to catch your breath worried him beyond belief as it reminded him of when you first officially met in that hospital room.
Placing his hand your forehead his frown deepened, "Oh lovebug."
Coughing a few more times you replied, "Sorry Chu."
"It's not your fault lovebug, let's get some medicine in you and get you in bed, okay?" Without giving you a choice he tugged you towards him before slipping an arm under your knees and the other on your back and lifting you up blanket and all. Dazai didn't miss the soft smile creeping onto his partners face as you nuzzled into Chuuya, relishing in the affection you've been deprived of the last few weeks. Wordlessly he made his way to the bathroom medicine cabinet and grabbed everything needed before walking into the shared bedroom and setting them down before preparing to change clothes. Osamu knew Chuuya was going to hold you and keep you to himself for a few minutes so you knew he was really there and to assure himself you were safe, so it gave him ample time to get things together. Taking off his typical ensemble and putting on a pair of charcoal sweatpants and pulling the navy t-shirt on just as Chuuya brought you into room, he got his first actual look at how exhausted and sick you looked. You seemed miserable and in more pain than he originally thought, but most importantly, you were so tired. And he knew better than to touch you until medicine has been taken.
That was the next action of business. Get you to take the multitude of medications he procured from the cabinet. He knew you were weak and feeling horrible but you never liked taking things, so often it was a fight. Nonetheless he proceeded to place each pill in a small cup for the pass off. If he so much as brushed your hand he knew you would be asleep almost instantly. And while sleep would help, it wouldn't be enough to get you back to peak health, not without the medicine. In the cup was a few vitamins, a decongestant, a cough reducer and something to hopefully bring your fever down. Currently placed in his pocket was your emergency inhaler left over from when you were able to come home from the hospital from before you had reconciled with him and your other lover.
Seeing the pills in a cup and small glass of water in his partners hand waiting to be handed to you Chuuya took the liberty of sitting on the side of the bed leaving you in his lap. Surprisingly but also unsurprisingly, you gingerly and gratefully took the cups into your slightly shaking hands to take the medicines. At least Dazai had the foresight to start off with the pills rather than any liquids, he knew you hated taking medicine in liquid form.
Noticing a slight bulge in Dazais pants pocket he asked, "Is that the inhaler?"
Glad his partner got the hint he confirmed it was before Chuuya took it upon himself to reach in and take it out while Dazai took the empty cups from your hands, longing to touch you but restraining. After looking at you Chuuya couldn't help but see how much these simple actions took out of you, exhaustion wearing you thin. Even keeping your head up was a struggle. He knew the inhaler could help, anything to help your lungs breathe better and decrease your wheezes. But he also knew you had very little strength left.
"Okay lovebug, we're going to tag team this, you know the drill," After getting the inhaler placed he counted down from 3 and pressed down to release the medicine.
You couldn't hold it in for long, forced to release a painful cough into your lovers chest, "Sorry Chuu," your hoarse voice rang out quietly.
"Bug its okay, you're sick and that was inevitable."
"I know. Just don't want you to get sick."
Coming back into the room after exiting the en suite bathroom Dazai chimed in, "We've got immune systems of steel we'll be fine. And if we're not we'll have the cutest nurse to take care of us."
Too tired to let out even a small laugh you smiled and responded, "yeah, I guess you're right.”
Chuuya went ahead and did a second dose of the inhaler, much like a similar response to before. After taking a coughing fit that had both men concerned for you wellbeing, they looked at each other reading each others minds as to whether or not they should take you to the hospital.
Half lidded, you looked at both of their faces and knew immediately what was on their minds, “I know what you two are thinking, and no, I’m not going to the hospital.”
”But love, you’re really sick, we’re just worried,” Dazai expressed wanting nothing more than to cup your cheek in his hand
”If-,” you began before coughing again, “If I get worse then you can take me. But I really just want to sleep first.”
Both men collectively sighed, in sync with each other after years of partnership. They knew any further arguing would be fruitless, also aware that they would have a hard time saying no to you when you were this sick and they had been away for the last few weeks.
Noticing the silence and your boys downtrodden faces you decided to break the silence, “So how was the mission, any issues? Take names? Kick ass?”
They knew what you were doing, and any other time they would have enlightened your antics, but chuuya could feel some of the fight leave your body as fatigue set in from the exhaustion and unconsciously knowing you were in a safe position. And so he gave you a small response to motivate you for later.
”You know I don’t kick any asses but yours and the shitty fish over here,” he smirked, “But I did kick some other things if you catch my drift.”
Before you had the time to continue your stalling tactic, wanting to spend time with Dazai and Chuuya that you had missed over the last few weeks, the later placed you in the middle of the bed so you would be between the both of you, as you were most nights. Dazai carefully pulled the blankets up so all either man had to do before crawling in to cuddle you from either side was pull their side of the corner back enough. While he did that, Chuuya changed out of his work clothes into a soft pair of pajama pants, and a silly t-shirt you had gotten him early into your relationship that he was too proud to admit out loud that it was his favorite thing in his closet next to his signature hat. After his quick change, the redhead crawled in behind you, not quite around your body like the koala he is just yet- he was waiting for you to settle yourself with Dazai who was turning out lights around the apartment.
Looking at both his lovers waiting for him expectantly, one smiling with a dopey grin, and the other with flushed cheeks and glossy, tired eyes, he couldn’t help but want to relish in the moment but run to both of them for some well deserved rest at the same time. He sauntered over to his side of the bed, gently pulling back the covers and climbing in. Wiggling his eye brows, opening his arms to welcome you, you giggled lightly and rolled your eyes before you inched your way into them. He became inpatient and proceeded to pull you closer against him, not missing the small pout from the man on the other side of your now aware of the gap between the two of you causing the brunette to smirk.
Sighing in contentment at finally having you in his arms, your head to his chest, Dazai smiled down at your face, admiring your beauty even when you were so sick. He waited for Chuuya to settle around you before he expressed ‘love yous’ to both of you. Osamu could tell you were seconds away from sleep as he kissed your forehead, officially activating his ability, as you begun some of the best sleep you swear was the best in your entire life.
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