#day three identity
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Don’t let me cook
#listen#1996 wukong is soooo magical girl coded okay that bitch is a DIVAAAA#my favorite episode ever is the three demon generals arc where him wujing and bajie were literally just doing boyband poses together#the cutest brothers ever#maybe one day I will do a serious piece of this (lie)#destress sketch#digital art#my art#journey to the west 1996#journey to the west#jttw sun wukong#sun wukong#my friend called him sailor swk#I like how being zesty is important to his identity as a whole#no such thing as a wukong without a bit of 💅✨
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He got them to join his emo band 😔🤟
The new year's show was a success and it became a yearly thing.
This is kind of a continuation of my headcanon and brainrot posts about Chiba's friendship with Gakushuu and Yukiko, with a bit of my oc Isami bc I'm not really normal about him 🩵
#i was supposed to post this a few days ago but i got so busy i barely had the time to even sit down 😭#not to mention the consecutive power outages 💀#to sum the lore up#china befriended shuu during finals and later got him to do things (this was just one of them)#he and yukiko had a secret-identity solidarity and began doing undisclosed shenanigans#and he helped isami with studying for their finals the year after so ofc my fair boy would want to help him out in return#so now the band has three fixed guest members that only joins them during special events like festivals and new years shows#🥰#assassination classroom#assassination classroom oc#ansatsu kyoushitsu#ansatsu kyoushitsu oc#assclass#assclass oc#chiba ryuunosuke#ryuunosuke chiba#gakushuu asano#asano gakushuu#kanzaki yukiko#yukiko kanzaki#matsuoka isami#isami matsuoka#my art#digital art#my doodle#art#my headcanons#assclass headcanons#I haven't doodled in this style for so long i miss it sm
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Byler Week Day 5 — Secret Identities
very loosely interpreting the prompt for today but i've had this idea for a while and... secret identities, Superheroes, that works. anyone who knows me well probably could have seen something like this coming LMAO
also trying to draw Robin & Superboy costumes that look thrown together and home-made when i have spent so much time drawing their actual designs was a challenge
#'sam this is 10 years after where canon is rn why do they look the same' because shhhhh#it had to be 1996 because that's when Worlds Finest Three: Superboy/Robin came out !!!!!!!#also yes specifically issue 59 of Wizard (cover date july 96 publication date may 96) is when WF3 got a mention/announcement#bylerweek2023#Day 5 Secret Identities#byler#byler art#mike wheeler#will byers#stranger things#anyways listen timkon & byler are different ships in many ways however#i DO believe mike would carry tim's 'im gonna desperately try to clone him back to life 100 times' energy if#anything bad happened to will ever again#PLUS like. some theories ive seen about birthdaygate with like the idea of will getting slowly erased from people's memories........#i don't want that to happen but IF IT DID. getting a detective comics 967 'he talked about a friend i should have.. someone named conner...#and i feel that name tugging on my heart but i don't know why' moment with mike about will........ oughghghghg#sam draws shit#<- almost forgot my damn art tag
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I can't stop thinking about Blade saying gifts are unfamiliar.
And I can't stop thinking about Kafka and Silver Wolf, hearing that, and making it a mission to bring him gifts whenever they travel somewhere for their script - even if he's there with them. About the confusion in his eyes when they steal buy something and turn right around to hand it to him.
About his room starting out completely empty except for the bare minimum necessities, a few spare clothes and what he needs to take care his Shard Sword, but filling up with little trinkets and gifts over time. Clothes and jewelry and perfume from Kafka and posters, figures and plushies from Silver Wolf. About them also bringing food back, expensive specialties swiped from a restaurant and the weirdest option they could spot in a lone vending machine, a category of gifts that doesn't leave anything behind (except the photos they both take of the three of them eating together, or of the faces he makes when Silver Wolf manages to trick him into trying a suspicious snack while he's distracted with polishing his weapon).
About Kafka spending hours finding clothes and jewelry she thinks would suit him, because that's her love language. She gets him makeup too, refusing to let his good looks go to waste. She knows he can't put it on himself, they both do, and he doesn't care for his appearance enough otherwise - but he'll let her do his makeup for him anyway, because she enjoys it, and because he finds it soothing.
About Silver Wolf also buying him clothes, but the ones she gets aren't his style at all, and just barely his size. She gets them for him, but just so she can steal them right back - her love language is quality time, and she fills Blade's room with gifts she can borrow along with a moment of his day. It still counts as a gift, she insists, practically swimming in an oversized jacket she swiped from his closet.
About how in another life, Yingxing gave gifts to the people he loved and in this one, Blade receives them from those who love him.
#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr blade#hsr kafka#hsr silver wolf#lads. lasses. i care them and i have an agenda to spread.#stellaron hunters#one day i'll have a better tag or will i#i still don't have a great one for my trailblazers ot3#why is coming up with tags so difficult?#anyway#woe sap be upon ye#fresh from my dms with fero and a little more polished#ray's records#i think getting the people she loves all prettied up is kafka's love language#she has an eye for what would suit them and she likes to indulge her fantasies#silver wolf isn't safe from it and doesn't mind it so sometimes when the time is right kafka will make all three of them match#identical pieces of jewelry they each wear on a necklace a ring or an earring#coordinated colors found in each of their outfits#and after silver wolf's line about how blade promised to game with her i think that's how she shows her love#spending time with the people she cares about#filling blade's closet with jackets so she can wander into his room to snag one#and take the opportunity to sit next to him and play a game for a while#it's the next best thing until she can smack a controller in his hands and finally get him to play a fighting game together#man i do love them so much#kafbladewolf
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HELP!
There's a batfamily fanfic where the Justice League is having a get together and they all wear crop tops with "I have a dad but...(He emotionally neglected me) (He's comatose) (Etc..)" shirts and it's how the batcaln gets revealed to the JL. Also they do an identity reveal.
Does anyone know what it's called?
#batfamily#batfamily fanfic#help i have been thinking about it for three days#justice league#identity reveal#batfam meets the justic league
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my favourite passtime is making up incredibly unaccurate armour designs. That's a lie my passtime is researching but this comes at a close second
#[.art]#is it even armour at this point? it's a chestplate with a mantella over it. It's armour to me. In spirit.#oh I dread to maintag this but my blog has to be organised or I get hives so I am in fact putting this in at least his tag#This was mostly an excuse for me to shade metal and draw armour but he's there as a character base because I wanted to put constellations i#Javert#les miserables#les mis#<- the- what was it. The mortifying ordeal of being known? me when I post art I did for fun in my free time#also this file is called knightvert. You should know this#also I got an answer about the constitution in place in 1820 and I regret to inform you that mister Valjean was probably elected lawfully#mostly because he'd been there for the minimum required year in order to be a citisen and be appointed by the prefect as mayor#or by the double decimal process if we go by 1799 law and not the 1814 charter.#not counting the fake identity but alas I do not believe proof of identity was required by law for that so. Dreadfully not added to the lis#which doesn't exclude entirely document forgery because I believe property law comes into the needing proof of identity?#But I've been looking at french law for three days and I need to not read for a week now So I'll check that later
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"#Batman resists his own insanity so it spreads to e v e r y t h i n g around him"
You can't just say this and not elaborate in great detail. PLEASE elaborate oh my God. I do agree but I want to hear every single thought you have about this topic.
Btw, I'm the same Anon who asked -- or not really asked but more so talked -- about Batman and Joker's soulmate sort of bond.
AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN WITH "COMBINING JOKER'S HEAD WITH BATMAN'S BODY"???????
I was thinking along the lines of the concept version and how they could never be satisfied like this, united in one body. What is the result of mixing chaos and order? What is the result of mixing the act of forgetting the past and fixating on it? What do you get through combining the ideology of making everything matter and taking all meaning away?
The result is that the pure concepts become stained and dull, pushed away from their original function, losing their purpose to oppose each other.
Becoming one entity is the act of becoming complete (concepts being stained) and losing the thing that made them them. Batman and Joker were never meant to unite in this way with overlapping voices, finishing each others thoughts and sentences and it SHOWS. I'm in love with their grotesque obsession with each other that borders on love and punishment. Their desire to win and conquer the other for good but never being able to because losing one side takes away the purpose of the other.
That's why I'm so, so, SO disappointed with how the Batman Who Laughs turned out. Where are my identity crises? Plural, because this could never be an one-and-done kind of deal. They became OneTM, inentionally or not, but BeforeTM, they were always wondering what it would be like. Batman could try to get closer to Joker's mental state but never fully experience it, same with Joker. But now they are OneTM and then what? Batman is just the Joker with Bruce's memories and face. I can't begin to describe how boring that is. That's like if DC made a "Deadpool kills the Marvel Universe" story only they used Joker instead of Deadpool.
Do you see my vision? Can you feel my pain? I wanted to psychoanalyse that asshole with my amateurish psychology knowledge but they only gave us a watered down Joker who makes other Batmen less interesting upon contact. WHERE ARE THE IDENTITY CRISES?? WHERE IS THE DIFFICULTY IN MAKING A DECISION?? WHERE ARE THE LENGTHY MONOLOGUES ARGUING BACK AND FORTH OR CONTRADICTING EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME??? The Batman Who Laughs is basically Two Face but without the wall seperating Harvey and Two Face. Joker!Batman should be unable to do anything or constantly switch between Bruce and Joker or save one life and then turn around and kill it. Like, where is the complexity? Why the hell is that guy only a murder machine?? That was neither Joker nor Batman's whole purpose??
Tell me all your thoughts, my friend, while I'm here spinning in circles and going insane. I'll never get out of this alive, you'll still find me ruminating on this on my deathbed.
I swear, if you give an absolute banger of an answer again, I'll come and start living in your walls.
Have a nice day!! :)
ANON LOVE OF MY LIFE, i'm shoveling all the insides of my walls out as we speak, you can move in by Wednesday morning—
Like, the way i felt every single word you said in my bones. You are so right, and there are a couple different points here and it's gonna get longer than usual so i'll separate each thought thread to avoid drowning in lé brain soup.
• Re: batman resisting his own insanity, i feel like i have simultaneously talked about this in 7986 different ways and haven't said anything about it at all 😂 possibly most of it has been discord ramblings. Long story short, the spine of his narrative to me is that he actively resists his own humanity and in extension of it, his evil. He wants to be good. But there's also immense psychological/emotional/physical price we pay whenever we make these kind of choices; whatever we disown and banish to our subconscious, we project out into the world and unto the people around us. The load you refuse to carry will be carried by the people around you, because at the end of the day /someone/ has to carry it, it doesn't just disappear into ether. So, in a way, for Batman to remain good, to remain a hero, someone else has to be bad. The extent in which Batman keeps his goodness "pure and untainted" dictates the horrors created around him— and particularly the creation of Joker. I say creation because the existence of Batman as a concept absolutely necessitates the existence of Joker. In a way Batman does create him, and it's true that with Batman gone Joker and half the evil in Gotham would be gone too, not because Batman is an evil presence— but precisely because he disowns his own evil.
And the thing is, in the specific context of Joker, it has become this almost loving, adoring symbiotic relationship; Joker has willingly shaped himself to fit the outline of an evil that Batman needs to defeat, he has become the sin that Batman can overcome so he can stay a saint. I actually have a draft on this that i never finished, a meta about how all the coloring choices in Joker's design eerily resemble the different color stages of a wound and the bruising after, how Batman almost feels like Jesus with Joker as his side wound, Joker being the price he pays and the pain he goes through for his martyrdom in order to stay pure, for his idealogy to have any form of meaning and significance, Joker being his very own holy suffering.
We fundamentally understand reality in form of contrasts, internal ones, external ones. As you very well pointed out, without an innate sense of contrast, we cease to have any form of coherent grasp on different concepts, and they start to sort of become noise, they become nothing. Would you truly understand what a day was and grasp it as a concept if it wasn't followed by a night? So like, what i'm saying is, people around Bruce/Batman become what he needs because they love him and they want to help him keep his narrative, the structure of his psyche intact. They help him stay 'him' by taking on the burden of what he doesn't want to be, he subconsciously shapes them in the image of what he needs to uphold his identity as a good person. This is why Alfred becomes Joker to save him, this is why Selina is the more socially acceptable pretty Joker that Bruce can actually marry and bring to his family, this is why Joker and Batman feel like they can never escape their narrative, their roles and their performance. It's the reason the moment Batman lurches to kill The Riddler in "the war of jokes and riddles", Joker stops his knife with his hand. It's their defined roles, and the greatest act of love that noone except Joker would show him. Joker says "I'm the sacrifice. I'm the evil, i'm the one who kills, i have made this choice so you can make yours. You're the good one. If you become evil, it renders both your efforts and my sacrifice meaningless, and i can not allow that to happen." And it's a truly fascinating dynamic really, for all that Joker has and hasn't done throughout the Batmanverse history, when it comes to Batman he's irredeemably selfless. Everything he does regarding Batman is to keep Batman's sense of goodness and heroism intact, and in this context he's more pure than him. Everyone around Batman wants him to kill, perhaps rightfully so, they mean well. But Joker says "i'll bear all the unbearable evil so you dont have to, and we both acutely understand that without my existence you mean nothing. I will be the monster so you dont have to." And honest to god there's a heartbreaking affection to this, something noone else will ever be willing or want to offer to Bruce, not to this extent.
in 'the war of jokes and riddles' Bruce tells Selina that "what separates him from utter evil is a hand on his knife. Joker's hand." like bro, he knows. In a deeply twisted and gutwrenching way Bruce knows that noone loves him the way Joker does.
• Re: combining Joker and Batman's heads and bodies, i was thinking.... two concepts maybe?? 👀 one is more like the Dullahan myth, in which Batman loses his head but he isn't carrying it, Joker steals it. And then Joker loses his head and Batman has to keep it and he's forced to use it. It'd be an insanely fun concept; the Dullahan myth can be interpreted as the idea of death of self by supposedly losing all that would make you human; your thoughts and memories and logic, etc. Except that you still have a heart, and a body, and they're not exactly cooperative. It'd be fun to have Joker's mind trying to tame Batman's heart and body, each fighting and singing their own song, same for Batman. A version of the myth has Dullahan carrying a human spine in one hand, and i mean, the possibilities are endless!
But also another concept would be: two frankenstein monsters lmaooo, same sense of discordent internal landscape, same sense of ideological tension and conflict, but also someone's gotta [tw mentions of gore] chop chop them and sew their body parts together, and that can be another interesting element added to their fucked up dynamic ✨️ it can also be Joker as Dr Frankensten and he sews parts of himself to Batman in order to save him!
• Re: Batman Who Laughs, oh girl (gn), i have nothing to add that you haven't already said more beautifully than me. There's so much emotional nuance and complex philosophy that could've gone into that concept, it's certainly one of the hardest Batman story variations to pull off, and weirdly enough, the people who dont directly aim for "Batman becomes Joker/Joker becomes Batman" stories often tell a better more intricate tale about that transformation than the people who straight up shoot for the concept. One of the things that always sends a chill down my spine is the ending of Batman: Europa, in which Joker is terrified and screaming as Batman laughs and lurches for him; that's the dynamic, that's the Batman who laughs, and the most unsettling part of it is that, Batman doesn't change. He doesn't have to. On a core level he is quite frankly a bit fucked up, it's not a stretch for Batman to be evil, and that's why his goodness is meaningful. Cue Nietsche's quote, "Of all evil I deem you capable: Therefore I want good from you. Verily, I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good because they had no claws." Batman is not a good guy entirely, and that makes his goodness a conscious choice with so much weight and worth and significance. I dont think a lot of DC people understand this.
With Batman Who Laughs, the name kinda sums up the take unfortunately; it's a superficial interpretation that falls flat on its own face because the writers couldn't be assed to explore how a chemical combination of Batman and Joker's narrative would unfold. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ as with any potent chemical reaction, the mixture is highly unstable and unpredictable, and that's the fucking fun of it. There's gotta be tension. I do think Batman and Joker can very well mix, i do think they can make a seamless fusion, but i dont trust any canon DC writers to handle the characterization well in a way that doesn't bore you out of your fucking mind. You gotta make a new person and you gotta capitalise on the core components both Batman and Joker share; their incessant sense of idealism, their need for purity, their volatile emotions and their aggression, their need to individuate from their context and deviate from the norm, take the third way out narrative wise, their philosophical and intellectual bend, their immense grief, their need to be oh so special and different 😂 they actually have a whole lot in common, this is why they're perfect enemies!
But yeah, writing that personality fusion is very hard because it's such an emotionally complex context and most DC writers have not felt a single emotion in the past 35 years aflhdtdhlf
Anyway yep i love your brain so SO much Anon, hope you have a wonderful day ❤️💕 and dont forget to tell me what ya think!!
#the way this ask had me scrambling through my desktop blog to find posts and then i realised that i dont like my desktop theme#so i overhauled the whole theme while i was writing this lmaooo#anyway yeah. goddd i need to finish that jesus/side wound meta one day.#it's a bit above my paygrade because i thought i'm pulling one single thread but turns out it was a whole 9 yard yarn pile#with three cats entangled in it#but the gist is more or less the same#but also ''what do you get through combining two idealogies of making everything matter and taking meaning from everything''#i need to gay lay down a bit. maybe die a little#i think they're not a single identity in this framework; they're cycles. you understand them as they continue each other#the way spring sprouts from the belly of winter; winter spreads from the spring's belly; they be like dat#anyway Anon you're out here working all my 2.5 braincells overtime godbless ❤️💕#Batman#Batman meta#Batjokes#Batjokes meta
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It‘a kind of insane how Baghdad is always on my mind tbh I would do anything to run away to the capital and deal w my dad’s crazy relatives calling me whitewashed just so I could sit on a bistro and look at the string of lights and listen to people speak Arabic and eat Iraqi food and feel like a true Iraqiya
#But I have smmmm going on here studying research clinic etc#And I need to stick the landing like an adult#But I miss it sm and the yearning has been so strong#I need to center my Iraqi identity over my American one for like 3 months straight#I yearnpost about Iraq every three business days bc ever since June hit I’ve been going crazy#Last June I was already there ):#And I love all that I’m doing here but sometimes a girl just needs to run away to Baghdad for a summer#The work will pay off eventually and I’ll be glad to have been patient ab it but I’m j having an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex moment rn#I also had plans to go to Europe too but I think I need to plan it better and tie off some loose ends here first#Whatevs
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Fishing tourney
Twilight
Found family
:)
"Fishing tourney time! The rules are simple. Y'all can keep one fish in the bucket at a time. Biggest fish in the bucket when the sun goes down wins," Twilight explained.
Wild raised their hand.
"No, you can't use bombs. Fishing poles only."
Wild lowered their hand.
Legend raised his hand.
"No magic. Just regular ol' fishing poles."
Legend lowered his hand.
Time raised xyr hand.
"No items or masks! Just fishing poles."
Time lowered xyr hand.
Twilight groaned and dragged a hand over his face. They sighed and went to the edge of the dirt in a prime fishing location. They held up their very normal, not enchanted, wooden fishing rod with very normal, not at all magic, bait on the hook.
"You stand here. You use a regular fishing rod. You catch a fish through normal, non-magical methods with said fishing rod. Nothing else. Are we clear?"
Wind raised a hand.
"No magical bait!"
"It's not magic! It's just... enhanced."
Twilight's groan was loud enough to send the birds fleeing from the trees.
#ITS TRANS VISIBILITY DAY#I JUST REMEMBERED#SO EVERYONE HERE IS QUEER AND TRANS#my usual trans identities for them#i don't feel like listing them out here lol#hehehhe#linked universe#lu twilight#three sentence prompt#ace writes#lu wild#lu legend#lu time#lu wind
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being gay and aromantic is wild because people will accuse you of hating gay people because you (checks notes) wish people would be a little more critical of romance as a patriarchal structure. the thing is that rgu literally does this, it examines and interrogates how romance is a patriarchal structure. every time i talk about aromanticism in rgu people get very upset about that, as though aromanticism impedes queerness— i did not realise we were still doing exclusionism so bare faced. every time i talk about aromanticism, people get upset. im not even talking about it in relation to the show, instead making a general throwaway post about the weight that people afford anything that deals in Romance, and i get told that rgu is a romance and i should cry about it. like. what? rgu made me realise i was aromantic. i was already gay and that gave me the final piece of the puzzle.
to be gay and aromantic does not mean you Just Have Friends (? what does this even mean, let’s unpack this statement at a later date): to be gay and aromantic means myriad things for myriad people. it means queer sex, it means queer connections that aren’t defined as ‘romantic’, it means queer attraction, it means queer understanding. nothing about this devalues romantic queerness, though i must say that every time i post about aromanticism someone has to qualify my words with a statement about how romance is cool too. and sure, it is, but you can maybe understand how that’s exhausting when you actually want a meaningful conversation about your identity. anyway aromantic people i love you aromantic people and gay people i love you gay people (i am both. godbless goodnight)
#it’s funny bc when i was a small baby i got sucked into an exclusionist wormhole#so im perfectly familiar with shit people say about aromantics#rgu helped me years after id already unlearnt that shit by pushing me to see something id been neglecting for forever#i watched 32. ‘oh im aromantic’. finished the show for the first time. got into a relationship two days later#put of dealing with that realisation until an entire year later#now it’s been three slutty years of being happy#and im making this post because i AM happy#i love being aromantic and i love being gay and i love being both of those things#i want to talk about it always. i want people to understand the ways you can experience things if you open yourself up to them#but you know#this isn’t so much my utena sideblog as it is the sideblog to Me guy who has only seen utena#my identity is like at least 70% utena. and i love it. and i have never struggled to love it#it’s everything to me. gah anyway swagever LOVE AND LIGHT FOREVER ❤️❤️❤️❤️#dais.txt#dais talks aspec
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MOD IS ALSO A WILL WOOD FAN??? first mechs now this... epic
its called having taste /j
but fr: hell yeah i do!! im glad you approve of my music choices nonnie
#not confessions#meta#btw since ive given up on hiding my identity (these are my actual typing patterns now lol) have a fun fact abt me:#the mechs and will wood are heavily associated with eachother in my mind due to me having listened to a singular playlist for three months#>6 hours of listening each day#that playlist was just the entirety of the mechs discography; hawaii: part ii; and all of will wood except icimi and most of ch&t#that three month stint is the only reason i have all of the lyrics to all of those songs memorised. ALL of them.#this is called mental illness /j#but yeah tldr mechs and will wood my beloved#you have good taste nonnie
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i was just reading the village voice’s review of american idiot on wikipedia (they gave the album a c+) and it just reminded me why i don’t read reviews of things before i form an opinion myself because like. never before has a critic missed the point of a work of art so hard as in that review lol
#anyways stream american idiot#i’ve been listening to it nonstop for the past three days i forgot how good it was#this album changed my life when i was 13 i was literally listening to it nonstop and it very obviously shaped my identity lol#even when i forgot abt it lol#american idiot and siren song of the counter culture by rise against were formative to my personhood
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Hello. other students taking GCSEs
I was wondering if it would be helpful for anyone if I posted some in-depth notes? I'd explain the topic like it's a lesson, as this is helpful for my own revision and might help other people understand it
It'd mostly be for biology and chemistry, probably, as that's super fact-recollection based. Idk, I see a lot of aesthetic studyblr blogs and I've never seen anyone actually post explanations of subjects or original material here, links to resources being the closest thing
You could also send in requests as long as it's clear with everyone that I'm not a teacher, just a teenager on the internet, I have no qualifications. also I'll be using online resources, textbooks and stuff to find the information - if everyone responds to this with yeah no why would you do that, that's a horrible idea, then I'll probably post some other studying-related stuff here anyway, even if studyblr is kind of...deceased lol I think it'll help me with my own revision
ok uh. like/rb or something if you think that'd be helpful thx bye
#gcse#gcses#gcse student#gcse studyblr#studyblr#autistic studyblr#<- because i am in fact autistic and i know firsthand that school can be suffering for nd people ._.#chemistry gcse#biology gcse#studying#gcses 2024#neurodivergent#please can this not end up putting my whole identity on the internet in a stupid chain of events thx.#oh i'd probably queue posts for like. two or three posts a day. the schedule would be regular even if the content was. cough sporadic#not up to me what i suddenly realise i don't understand 20 mins before the mock exam and have to speedrun
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i wouldnt put it as a public facing label but kinda vibe with "post-transmasc" as part of the gender experience.
i feel like im at a point where i may be performing the definitional motions of trans masculinity, but my daily experience of gender feels unrelated to both masculinity and transition-as-an-act. i'm still de facto trans and transmasc, but it simply doesn't feel relevant to identify as such.
at the same time, i'm only able to be agnostic about my gender because i was and am transmasc. my present gender experience is only accessible through my transmasculinity. so, post-transmasc.
#indexed post#and of course this is my personal relationship to the word and i don't assume others have the same connotations#i dont really vibe with 'transition' as being like the main definition of transness for a variety of reasons#but yknow theres de facto and de jure and De Vibes definitions for things#and i feel like 'transmasc' was an identity i took on as an aspiration toward a day when masculinity was not a faraway destination#but just a place i inhabited naturally#and that has been accomplished. so the question becomes Whats next#and the answer is a shrug and a three month supply of T
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in august i was advised by a hospital financial advisor that i could hold off on reporting my income to medicaid until "at least" october but i've been looking into it this morning and i actually think the state might take me to court over the last two months of healthcare including an mri and some very expensive drugs if i'm honest about when i started getting paid. (chuckles) i'm in danger
#she told me they would want three months of income proof but everything i'm seeing says you are supposed to report changes within 30 days...#it also says to report if you are expecting the job to last more than two months and in my defense i did not think it would last that long#what are the chances of me getting sued for like 30 grand here.......#i'm scared 🥲#the advisor was very unconcerned about it but i am actually very concerned#of course their shitty fucking website won't “verify my identity” so i have to call them and of course they're not in today#i'm stressed lol#me
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Maybe this is my “I’m from New York so I didn’t choose to live here I was just already here” kicking in but can we actually learn to respect people’s privacy and acknowledge the fact that not everyone who lives in a major city is doing so because they want to be famous or the main character or an influencer or whatnot. I’m so sick of seeing tiktoks go viral that are just plainly stalking or doxxing random people who didn’t ask for attention or fame and are just living their lives. Especially given how many people in NYC are living with a wide variety of mental states, abilities, divergencies, and diversities treating them as a spectacle for your entertainment is deeply dehumanizing. Particularly in the past few years seeing so many content creators move here and gain their fame here it is becoming increasingly frustrating to feel like just existing in my home is not coherent with the burgeoning voyeurism culture that’s growing online. I, nor anyone who lives in a large city, should have to leave their homes every day worrying about the potential of being recorded and ridiculed online for just being a person.
People should be able to live their lives with the right to privacy. This isn’t to say that certain instances of internet activism shouldn’t have happened; for instance the Central Park bird watching incident (google it if you aren’t familiar but a woman was being racist towards a black man bird watching in central Park and his recording on the incident vindicated him). But instances like those are the exception and not the rule and many cases of publishing interpersonal conflicts/interactions is not from good faith activism or even from an activist point at all. Honestly what sparked this for me was that dumb tiktok that blew up of that girl looking for the person who kept writing “monke” on the whiteboard at her gym and the series of videos she made amassed more than 25 million views as she made a very public game out of trying to find the identity of this person. Some of her tactics included staking out at the gym waiting for this person or even asking the employees at the front desk who the person was. Maybe this person didn’t want to be a viral tiktok sensation and just wanted to write something goofy on the whiteboard at their local gym. Instead, this person has millions of strangers online seeking them out using unethical/invasive methods. All over someone who just wanted to write “monke.” Can we not just be a little silly in public without being at risk of it being the next internet sensation? If you live in a busy metropolitan area is it now your responsibility to make yourself as invisible as you can every time you step outside your front door? I genuinely leave for work each day wondering if I’ve maybe picked the wrong outfit, makeup, or maybe there’s an embarrassing stain or issue with my appearance that someone is going to see, record, and share online. I’ve even now seen TikTok’s of people recording through peoples windows commenting on how they’re living in their private lives now as well (the video in question is of a young woman recording a couple dancing through their apartment window). Even the guy who goes around “turning average people into models” initiates these videos by first taking non-consented photos of strangers on the street. Invasion is not flattery as much as people on the internet might like to think it is.
It is deeply unfair to ask human beings to live their lives in an unending panopticon. We should be able to go outside, make a joke, leave a silly note, have a bad day, an embarrassing moment, an emotional outburst, leave the curtains open with the knowledge that these moments belong to ourselves and are not suddenly (and without our consent) just become something for the masses to consume. Small spats that should remain small spats become global debates, a conventionally attractive or unattractive person becomes the internet’s object of desire or disgust. Let people exist. Let them have their dignity.
#I FUCKING HATE TIKTOK CULTURE#This is also hitting a bit close to home for me but I work at a museum and I constantly dress to hide my identity#because of how many cameras are pointed at me all day everyday#and in the year of two thousand and twenty three it’s pretty hard to be a person#so to ask people to be media ready all the time is just impractical and inhumane#we aren’t all public figures but we are now expected to be ready for that level of attention#even certain internet phenomena that came from a good faith place such as recording Karen’s as a way to combat a certain kind of a racism#was co opted by non black people to publicly shame and embarrass any older white woman they don’t like#now the entire concept of a Karen has lost its original meaning while still existing as an open threat to older women who don’t behave#as expected in public#and yes I have seen white teenage boys yelling at women calling them Karen’s for just asking them to stop being rowdy#which is anecdotal evidence so take with a grain of salt#but I am simply EXHAUSTED#apparently I need to live in the mountains if I want to live in peace#also I wrote this in like a 5 minute rage so feel free to DM me or comment if I got something wrong
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