#day since we talked and I’m in Exhausted Mode rn so | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

punkscowardschampions · 3 years ago

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Amber & Cosmo

Amber: Red suits you…

Cosmo: Damn, is it really that bad?

Cosmo: 2nd message politely rinsing me

Amber: I mean it, you look really nice

Amber: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Cosmo: Oh

Cosmo: well, cheers

Cosmo: it was a necessity, like

Amber: For a good first impression, sure

Amber: I know how much they matter to you

Cosmo: We don’t all have an open window to make that ultimate impression

Amber: maybe don't drop that hint to her, whoever she is, it's a lot of pressure to imply the window of opportunity is closing after the dessert course

Cosmo: You might know her

Cosmo: She goes to your school, but Dash’s year

Cosmo: I don’t know her, but I can’t see her climbing through any windows tonight, or any other night for that matter

Amber: I don't know many people in Dash's year but those I do would be more likely than not to climb through a window, especially if someone like you was requesting it

Amber: Would you like to get to know her, that obvious deal breaker aside?

Cosmo: What do you mean someone like me?

Cosmo: But this was kind of a blind date situation, set up by someone who thought we’d both be interested

Amber: Let me see if I can put into words what I mean

Amber: someone who is generous with their time on top of also being attentive to how the other person wants to spend theirs because you actively listen and then make things happen

Amber: you're someone I really like hanging out with and I think they would feel the same in my place

Amber: Oh cool, I love blind dates!

Cosmo: Well

Cosmo: you’re in a good mood

Cosmo: It’s a shame that I don’t think I’ll feel anywhere near as similarly about anyone my brother associates with

Cosmo: I can see that for you

Cosmo: It’s awkward and you’ve never heard of the word

Amber: it's more of a shame you're trying to put me in a bad one 😂

Cosmo: I didn’t mean you, obviously

Cosmo: We called truce but it still don’t mean I want his dating pool to be mine

Amber: I wasn't suggesting it should be, the friends I have in his year aren't all mutuals we share, only in his head is he that popular

Amber: but I meant you trying to call me out for never feeling awkward in situations where other people are, as if I'm supposed to view it negatively instead of one of the positives this 👽 lifestyle has to offer

Cosmo: Maybe I was being nice too, and you just made an assumption

Cosmo: be mad at yourself

Amber: I wasn’t, but maybe now I am, an assumption of that being the best you can do at being nice

Amber: tonight or to me anyway

Cosmo: Yeah you were ‘cos I didn’t say it was a bad thing

Cosmo: What’s wrong with you tonight?

Amber: I don’t know what you mean or expect me to say to the biggest assumption you’ve made so far

Amber: tonight or frankly ever

Cosmo: Even if I weren’t out, I don’t think I could decode what you’re getting at rn

Amber: There’s nothing wrong with me, you said yourself I’m in a good mood

Cosmo: Right, fine, alright

Cosmo: I just need to go home then

Amber: I’m sorry your blind date isn’t going well though

Cosmo: It’s not the end of the world

Amber: no, but wasted time doesn’t feel good, and besides, something doesn’t have to be end of the world levels of BAD to get sympathy from me or a reaction from you

Cosmo: I don’t need sympathy

Cosmo: we just have nothing in common

Amber: okay, empathy then

Cosmo: Just stop, yeah

Amber: what?

Cosmo: Making it seem like a big deal when it isn’t

Cosmo: she’s some kid who’s split up from her boyfriend and needed cheering up

Cosmo: with that kind of pressure, no wonder I couldn’t manage it, but it’s not me who’s 😞 so it don’t matter, ‘less you wanna send her your condolences

Amber: it sounds like I should, or at the very least the wonky fruit basket your nan never got

Cosmo: you think I’m that much of a dick, yeah

Cosmo: nice

Amber: I wasn’t making it about you, she’s upset because she’s going through a breakup

Amber: why are you this determined to start a fight with me right now?

Cosmo: I’m not

Cosmo: I don’t have a fruit basket to hand, that’s all

Amber: You don’t need one, you already did your best at trying to cheer her up, it’s not your fault, or hers, that it didn’t work

Cosmo: It is my fault

Amber: personally, I doubt it, but if you believe it, tell me why

Cosmo: I’m never going to be what they expect or want, that’s facts

Amber: for girls still devastated over their exes, of course not

Cosmo: Right

Cosmo: Whatever then

Amber: you’re dismissing what I just said because…?

Cosmo: Because you don’t get it and this is a waste of both our time

Cosmo: and that’s 💔 so you should go enjoy your great mood

Amber: I get that you think you failed when really this was a situation where there wasn’t a way to ‘win’ because time, distance from her ex and anything that reminds her of him are the real things that’ll help her, it isn’t a waste of time to talk about it unless you wanna keep pretending it doesn’t matter

Cosmo: Being perfect on paper is exhausting

Cosmo: There was no point deluding her that it could go any further

Amber: You're not someone who leaves people in any kind of delusion, which isn't a bad thing, before you try and say I'm saying it is

Cosmo: Proving we don’t know each other at all

Cosmo: but it’s a favourable mischaracterisation so, why not

Amber: You're definitely determined to prove that’s true, tonight and every other since we’ve met, so if it’ll cheer you up

Cosmo: Selfless as always

Cosmo: and we haven’t spent any night together just two day trips so

Amber: we could, but either way, you know what I was trying to say, ineloquent as always

Cosmo: This one’s a write-off

Cosmo: and I might set alight if I get anywhere near a campfire

Amber: it doesn’t have to be and a campfire wouldn’t have to be involved

Cosmo: It always does with you lot

Cosmo: and I can’t change modes that fast

Amber: It’s me you’d be spending time with, boy, and I can be much more flexible than them about what my idea of fun is

Cosmo: You’ve told me how flexible you are before

Amber: it’s worth repeating

Cosmo: 😂 Show-off

Amber: not yet I’m not but I could be

Cosmo: Oh yeah?

Amber: any time or place, I don’t ever feel awkward, remember

Cosmo: Sure, see you when that’s actually believable for either of us

Amber: Okay, I’ll come and meet you now because it is

Cosmo: It ain’t

Amber: Why?

Cosmo: I know you get awkward, even if it’s not at the usual things everyone else does

Amber: We didn’t know each other at all a minute ago, according to you

Cosmo: you’re a contradiction too, that’s why I like you

Amber: if you’re gonna remember anything, actually, it should be that you do like me

Cosmo: I’ll deny it in a court of law, like

Amber: and I’ll deny liking you too if you do

Cosmo: Liar

Amber: maybe it would be true if you were that mean to me in a court of law, I don’t know

Cosmo: I don’t wanna be mean

Amber: neither do I

Cosmo: It’s the easy way out

Amber: I don’t want out, the easy or hard way

Cosmo: Not of this

Cosmo: the rest, it’s still not right

Amber: What’s wrong with it, the rest?

Cosmo: I mean, I could treat you all like shit and not care, if I was mean

Cosmo: it’s cowardly, he’s a fucking pussy

Amber: I’m glad you’re not

Cosmo: I couldn’t if I wanted to

Amber: perfect on paper isn’t subjective, that’s part of why it must be exhausting, I guess

Cosmo: It’s not real though, is it

Cosmo: at least I don’t have to deliver, the fantasy is what’s important, I just follow the script till we part ways

Cosmo: but that’s because I can’t deliver, not really

Amber: but it's sad, the idea of following a script instead of getting to know someone, feeling like you have to behave a certain way even if it is just for a night

Cosmo: They are getting to know me, as much as they want

Amber: it isn't fair to you or what you want, that should count too

Cosmo: What do I want?

Amber: I don't know you well enough to answer that, unfortunately

Cosmo: At least you aren’t deluded

Amber: Thanks 😂

Amber: but everyone wants genuine connections with people don't they? It wouldn't be an assumption that you'd also want that

Cosmo: Not totally, anyway, don’t get carried away

Cosmo: Not everyone wants genuine connection with everyone though

Amber: No, but you aren't blind dating everyone, right?

Cosmo: It’s not that deep

Amber: not with her, but you wouldn't have sounded so trapped before talking about this situation if you didn't want things to be different

Cosmo: She’s not holding me hostage

Cosmo: We’re finished up here anyway

Amber: If we're going with this analogy, okay, you're holding yourself hostage

Cosmo: 🙄😏 it’s either too early or too late for analogies, Ambs

Amber: I'm following your lead here

Cosmo: I don’t know where I’m going, so probably don’t

Cosmo: not tonight anyway

Amber: I don't mind where we go, you can pick

Amber: [suggest a place where you could do a night swim because you know he likes that and other places you could do sporty\competitive things he'd be about to try and turn his night around, I like to think there's 9 different options]

Cosmo: That’s dedication to the ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Cosmo: I can’t do anything tonight, I told you

Cosmo: It’d be…

Amber: Raincheck? I'm trying to cheer you up not make you feel like you're under more pressure to perform for me

Cosmo: It’s not that but yeah

Amber: Are you gonna tell me what it is?

Cosmo: I couldn’t if I wanted to

Cosmo: don’t pay me for my way with words though, thank God

Amber: we can do another raincheck until you’re ready to talk about it

Cosmo: Sounds cheery

Cosmo: We don’t need to wait about and prioritize moping

Amber: We'd be prioritising communication, why's that so bad?

Cosmo: We could communicate about anything

Cosmo: Better still, do anything instead of talk about it

Cosmo: Why would we bother

Amber: Because I don't want things to be not that deep between us

Cosmo: Why don’t you?

Amber: I won't ever be able to answer the question of what you want, even if you meet me at the phonebox when we're old, if it is, we're friends, I wanna be able to say I actually know you

Cosmo: I don’t know how to trust like that

Cosmo: but I can try

Amber: you don't have to trust me now, we'll spend more than 2 day trips together first, see how that goes, there's no rush or pressure

Cosmo: It’s not a you thing, you know that yeah

Amber: It's okay, you phrased it very carefully, I understand you'd find it hard to trust anyone else you were getting to know too

Cosmo: Make it sound more calculating 😏

Amber: I was trying to make it sound like you're not as bad with words as you think!

Amber: because you're not, in my humble opinion

Cosmo: I’m not sure I’d call your opinion humble

Cosmo: but I’ll still take it, tah

Amber: I'm open to trying new things too

Amber: maybe I could be humble…

Cosmo: 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Cosmo: Maybe

Cosmo: Your hippie brethren would like it

Amber: Oh fuck you're right! 😠 Well now you've made me wanna not follow through with it

Cosmo: I won’t point out that not following through is right up their street too 😜

Amber: Maybe don't, pointing out ways they can feel superior to others is very up their street though, MAYBE even above all else

Cosmo: Yeah, the humility is just a guise for the overriding smugness, obviously

Amber: I couldn't argue with you if you wanted me to

Amber: not about how self-righteous hippies can be, and especially not tonight

Cosmo: What’s happened/happening tonight?

Amber: My parents have been bugging me to spend more time here because I rarely do unless it’s eating and sleeping, like a hotel, so I am, but it’s

Amber: feel free to fill in the unspeakable blank yourself

Cosmo: I’m sorry we can’t go swimming

Cosmo: and that I’ve been talking about myself this whole time, clearly, Jesus

Cosmo: Where’s your favourite place there? You should hide there

Amber: I talk about myself all the time way more often, it’s fine

Cosmo: I’m not my favourite topic of conversation, I’m never trying to be that guy

Cosmo: Don’t you like the hammocks?

Cosmo: It’s not a bad night for it

Amber: Sure, but you’re not my most hated topic of conversation, far from it, meaning I can’t really be 😠

Amber: it’s a beautiful night but too early in it to hide away when the goal was to be social and appease my parents

Cosmo: Is it a long list? Or am I flattered? 🤔

Cosmo: Don’t they have like 10 boy/girl/themfriends to hang with and keep them entertained

Cosmo: You aren’t going to be around much longer

Amber: 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Amber: Are you flattered or aren’t you?

Amber: And as of right now my dad is single while my mum has a boyfriend, if I was a cynic like you I’d probably think that’s why they’re taking such an interest

Amber: but they always have and I’m always gonna be their 👶🏽

Cosmo: You are an only child, true

Cosmo: Try to block out the people you aren’t actually related to then

Cosmo: Good luck

Amber: Thanks

Cosmo: Hey, I actually meant that

Amber: Okay, boy, that doesn’t mean I know a more sincere way to say thank you right now

Cosmo: It’s not like I can actually help

Cosmo: my family quality time is hardly goals

Amber: mine either any more if this is what it looks like

Cosmo: When did it start to feel different for you?

Amber: When I started to feel different to them

Amber: think for myself

Amber: it started smaller and with 👶🏽 acts of rebellion, of course

Cosmo: I bet you were cute

Amber: I was, whatever timeframe you’re imagining

Amber: because the acts of rebellion weren’t all that long ago, some of them were just really immature, since they made a huge deal about 💬💭 individuality until I decided to use mine deviate from ☮️💙 hardly an adult response in itself

Cosmo: All parents have an ideal and an expectation, they can deny it all they like

Cosmo: if you don’t turn out how they thought, it can take them a long time to deal with it

Amber: I’m not gonna be 👶🏽 enough to wish they’d deal with it faster, or pretend I’ll prove you wrong when it’s my turn, don’t worry

Cosmo: At least if you become a total normie, you also won’t be shocked if your kid decides to hang out at a commune

Cosmo: the 👶🏽 will definitely be pissed off at how unphased you act and the 👶🏽 of rebellion will still be a thing though

Amber: I've seen too many births for them not to be adopted, if I become a terrible person and parent, I can put the blame there instead of taking any responsibility

Cosmo: Fair but a shame

Cosmo: they won’t be as cute for it

Amber: Unfair, they'll be adorable

Cosmo: If you ask for that then you’ll definitely sound like a terrible person 😅

Amber: Shh babies and toddlers just are, I won't need to do a special request

Cosmo: You’re used to the plastic ones that don’t shit, puke and scream all the time, I reckon

Amber: They're not cute, they're slightly creepy

Amber: [photographic evidence making them look as creepy as we can in the dark in the hammocks like see]

Cosmo: Is your ma trying to prepare them for a rosemary’s baby situation what the fuck is that

Amber: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Cosmo: At least they can’t chat shit at you all night

Cosmo: unless they can, then you need to throw them in the camp fire

Amber: I can't believe I have to tell you again to stop trying to hex me

Amber: if we get to 9 something spooky is definitely gonna happen

Cosmo: s’what I’m really doing here, obviously

Amber: 🧙🏽‍♂️

Cosmo: Never seen ‘em

Cosmo: he’s the best one though, right?

Amber: I’ve not either, so if he isn’t I’m not starting a fight deliberately, I promise

Cosmo: 😏

Cosmo: I’ll ask my nan, she’d know

Amber: I could knock but I think that’s how she’s meant to contact me so it’ll be easier if you do

Cosmo: Moving shit a quartre of an inch isn’t exactly the best means of communication

Amber: not in Dash’s room

Cosmo: Yeah

Amber: if I was a 👻 I’d float myself there

Cosmo: Gutted

Cosmo: don’t you have to haunt where you die

Cosmo: you don’t wanna be stuck with him for eternity

Amber: True, it wouldn’t be worth it to briefly escape him and everyone else for now

Cosmo: You can though

Cosmo: when your parents are satisfied

Cosmo: my room is free

Amber: I’m allowed in your room?

Cosmo: not a blanket rule

Cosmo: but tonight

Amber: Okay

Amber: [she should definitely leave something for him, I’ll have to think what]

Cosmo: thank me later for the better smell, like

Amber: I’ll think of a way to express how deep my gratitude is

Amber: 💭💭💭💭💭💭💭💭💭

Cosmo: One of us having a good night is enough

Amber: it isn’t too late for us both to have a good night

Cosmo: it is

Amber: You’re not someone who gives up that easily

Cosmo: I’m not

Cosmo: I’m not giving in

Amber: then you can turn it around

Cosmo: By myself

Amber: or not, it depends what you want

Cosmo: nah

Amber: Why not? You’re anti moping, right?

Cosmo: I’ve told you, I can’t see you

Amber: I can’t be the only person who’d make you happy, that’d make me too ⭐️ and you’ve also told me I’m not, that you don’t think anybody is

Cosmo: I don’t

Cosmo: but it’s too late and I’m too drunk to pretend I don’t know where I wanna be

Amber: If there’s somewhere you know you wanna be, maybe that’s where you should be

Cosmo: It’s not that simple

Cosmo: and it shouldn’t be

Amber: What’s ever simple? Unless you’re a 👶🏽

Cosmo: Exactly

Cosmo: I can’t just do what I want, because I want to, not me

Amber: that doesn’t mean what you want isn’t important, because you feel like you can’t act on it

Cosmo: It is less important than what I need to do

Cosmo: what I’m going to

Amber: you need to get right with the things you’re ignoring, before it fucks you up

Cosmo: Don’t lecture me

Amber: I’m not trying to

Cosmo: The things I’m ignoring would fuck me up, it’s not the other way round

Amber: I’m sorry

Cosmo: Whatever, you don’t know what you’re talking about, so it doesn’t matter

Amber: Maybe because I don’t know what you’re talking about, you’re being deliberately vague

Cosmo: I’m not going to explain it

Amber: because…?

Cosmo: If you can’t work it out then you don’t need to know

Cosmo: Forget about it

Amber: It’s not a game and we’re not 👶🏽 if you think I should know something, communicate it to me

Cosmo: I don’t want to

Amber: you can’t put the blame on me if you won’t when you know I hate assumptions

Amber: you’re fucking confusing, I could be wrong

Cosmo: You’re more confusing

Amber: No I’m not

Cosmo: You fucking are

Amber: I’m trying to get you to get rid of any confusion!

Cosmo: You’re trying to mediate like you’re a fucking life coach

Amber: I said earlier that’s not what I’m trying to do

Cosmo: You can’t fix my life

Cosmo: why do you think it even needs fixing

Amber: not your life, the night you were having

Amber: it escalated how things usually do with us

Cosmo: I don’t even have a temper

Amber: Maybe it is my fault, and this is another of those I don’t know I’m doing it or can’t help it moments

Cosmo: That’s not what I meant

Cosmo: You do make me angry, frustrated really

Cosmo: I just meant I’m not usually, I wasn’t blaming you

Amber: But what I mean is, I’m used to having to fix things, because they’re already so chaotic, if I didn’t at least try…

Amber: making my parents happy is like, what I’m here for

Cosmo: It isn’t

Cosmo: it shouldn’t be

Amber: It’s not your turn to try and fix how my life is going

Cosmo: If you live for your parents’ happiness, you’re gonna be miserable, trust me

Amber: everyone has a role within their family, I’m the glue in mine

Cosmo: Yeah, everyone does, they’re your mum and dad and your their kid, nothing more

Amber: I don’t wanna make you angry, or frustrated, we should just drop it

Cosmo: Drop what?

Amber: any conversation thread about my parents and the misery you think they’re causing me

Cosmo: Right, you don’t like it when it’s on you

Amber: I don’t like that all you do is run them down

Cosmo: I don’t, you take offence on their behalf ‘cos you know I’m not wrong and clearly some of the ways they treat you are

Amber: You do and I take offense because it's offensive

Cosmo: What have I ever said directly about them?

Cosmo: Fuck all

Amber: I don't want to do this, I said that

Cosmo: You’ve got to say your piece and now we’re done

Cosmo: 👍

Amber: You've said plenty

Cosmo: Bullshit but you tell yourself that, Amber

Amber: If I'm looking back on this later, I'll probably be doing it to remind myself of all the times you've closed off a topic and I've shut up

Cosmo: I’ve stopped talking, the topic is closed and the conversation is over

Cosmo: Have a good night

Amber: Fine

Cosmo: [Question is do you think she would come over/go in his room now? Because she could be there when he gets back, like obvs he’d go sleep elsewhere but it could lead to them actually talking again in the AM when she realizes]

Amber: [I was thinking yeah if she gets drunk and/or high after this convo and especially now because my mischievous plan is that she could stick 9 glow in the dark stars in random hard to find spots in his room since everyone knows they are hard to remove and would annoy him and it's like good luck ignoring that dickhead lol]

Amber: [but would he be at his dad's house cos of it being the weekend?]

Cosmo: [Well I vibe it’s more of a choice now he’s basically an adult anyway he probably wants to spend his evenings with his gf now lbr so I don’t think it’s a stretch to say some weekends he comes home, and some week nights he might see his dad, WHICH REMINDS ME, if he’s in his last year of school, assuming Ireland’s schedule is anything like ours, he’s probably out of school on our timeline, maye some final exams to go in for]

Amber: [tea because clearly Dash is spending like no time at home or with his dad at this point and isn't being forced to unless it's a special occasion like the meet the gf roast and yeah that's a good point it is June so he probably is doing exams rn I wish I knew Ireland's vibe better than I do, I'm totally down for y'all to awkwardly see each other in the morning obvs that do be the shit I love]

Cosmo: [I’m sure it has to be roughly the same but it was worth noting that he’s basically out of school now ‘cos I just realized when we did socials, but exactly, I can’t see their dad making them, he’s not that kind of dad, but obviously they spend loads of football time together and that’s mainly it is honestly the vibe for everything anyway so]

Cosmo: [do you reckon she would have intended to fall asleep there or accidentally did, just nosy lol]

Amber: [definitely an accident and then it's like ! Because no idea if his fam are up and awake even though in my head it's early af]

Cosmo: [soz Ali deffo is even if Billie is having a lie-in lmao, also we know Cosmo is hungover but still has to be up of course]

Amber: [I just imagine Ali is outside so she can't leave via the window or she'll deffo be seen so trying to sneak downstairs and running into him like oh]

Cosmo: [and we’re not not smiling and asking ‘sleep well?’ which we genuinely mean even if we make it sound #bants to cover our surprise/state lmao]

Amber: [soz to you both that her angry face just makes her look adorable because she's genuinely frowning because she's fuming at you boy, but obvs raiding your fruit bowl or bread bin or whatever for an on the go breakfast because what are boundaries]are boundaries?]

Cosmo: [frowns back in what could definitely be construed as a pisstakey manner because doing it OTT but we’re actually feeling it too like what have I done? ‘Help yourself’ again we’re not like DON’T TAKE OUR FOOD BITCH really but it’s in the same tone as before]

Amber: [just the visual of her like peeling an orange or something in an angry manner is sending me tbh, just looking at him like do you have anything real you actually wanna say to me or nah]

Cosmo: [so amusant, just raising our eyebrows like how about you ‘cos you ain’t said shit, and going to make ourselves a protein shake or whatever the fuck]

Amber: [pours self a glass of juice or water, drinks it and washes and dries the cup all in a very deliberate and pointed silence like if you’re not gonna say sorry to me then I’m not gonna say anything, who is letting this teen girl date an old ass man in a bit]

Cosmo: [her permissive parents but can’t bring that up now, the dramatic silence as we just loudly blend this shit up lmao]

Amber: [you gotta go realistically gal but I can’t wait until he finds those really annoying glow in the dark stars lol]

Cosmo: [love that]

Amber: [is she finding out about the 2nd date because of him posting/getting tagged by Ruby on socials or have you got another way in mind? Because I was thinking maybe we should leave it until they’ve been on a few more so it’s more of a thing and they obviously aren’t just friends if that’s how]

Cosmo: [That’s kind of how I imagined it tbh, because there’s no need to talk about every date you go on but if you’re like exclusively dating someone then yeah you’ll have to mention that sooner or later lol]

Amber: [and definitely no need to for you to mention every date he goes on gal especially if you don’t know if it is a date or not because you’d look cray]

Cosmo: [I’m sure you don’t post them usually but it obvs seemed like that’s what Savannah wanted out of the exchange but looking at all his tagged like hmm no doubt lol but anyway, for now texting you a suitable amount of time later but deffo still AM just not immediately]

Cosmo: Are you seriously mad or what

Amber: What do you think

Cosmo: I don’t even know what I said, come on

Amber: Thanks for saying I could use your room, even if you don’t remember

Cosmo: I do remember

Cosmo: I didn’t expect you to be there still this morning but beside the point

Amber: Me either, I wasn’t planning on falling asleep, sorry

Cosmo: No, it’s fine

Cosmo: I offered you a place to stay, I just thought you wouldn’t

Amber: maybe I shouldn’t have but it felt like a good idea last night

Cosmo: Why not?

Cosmo: You got breakfast and a bed to yourself, can’t be all bad

Amber: I thought you’d be in your fancier postcode, it’s your bed and the missing ingredients in that loud blender

Cosmo: I debated it but it was easier to come back here

Cosmo: I can live without my bed and some 🍏🍎🍐🍊🍌🍇🍓🍒🍑🥝

Cosmo: otherwise I wouldn’t have offered

Amber: I won’t launch into a speech about the life saving benefits of 🍏🍎🍐🍊🍌🍇🍓🍒🍑🥝 before you’ve had much more ☕️ you can relax

Cosmo: Wasn’t going on a starbs run

Cosmo: but I’ve got a keep cup for if I do so you can forgive me

Amber: For that, I do forgive you, sure

Cosmo: Well, I’m not gonna beg

Cosmo: Stay in a strop if you’re gonna be like this

Amber: Because I've not done any pouting at you, but I'm not gonna when you like it so much

Cosmo: Shut up I do not

Amber: 😶 But you’re lying

Cosmo: And you’re being moody so it’s 1-1 as far as anti-⭐️s

Amber: I’m not calling another new truce until you start being nicer to me

Cosmo: I’ve not got time to be nice to you this morning

Cosmo: but I wasn’t mean to you anyway, don’t start that again

Amber: Yes you were, but we can talk about it when you’re ready to admit that’s true

Cosmo: For fuck’s sake

Cosmo: Can’t you just be normal? There’s no point having a row over nothing

Amber: if that’s what’s normal, no

Cosmo: What did I actually say that was so upsetting then

Amber: You’re just so stubbornly confrontational

Cosmo: I didn’t say I was perfect

Cosmo: and who are you to call me stubborn

Amber: not knowing who I am to you is a different conversation

Cosmo: You aren’t someone who I’m going to change my entire personality for

Cosmo: no one is

Amber: I don’t want to be that person, but I also don’t wanna be someone who apparently does nothing but annoy you

Cosmo: You’re the one calling me a horrible person, and you get to be mad?

Cosmo: I never said that was all you did, it isn’t

Amber: You’re not a horrible person, you have horrible communication skills and you make me feel like getting under your skin is all I do

Cosmo: Well I don’t think you’re great either

Amber: Petty but clearly true

Cosmo: I don’t know how you think lecturing me more is going to fix anything

Amber: your ignoring it method isn’t going to either

Cosmo: So

Cosmo: are you gonna talk to me and try something that might or what

Amber: Not if you don’t have time, you’re already mad at me, it’ll be worse if I ruin your schedule again

Cosmo: You make me sound like a 👹

Amber: the grumpiest 🐐 maybe

Cosmo: didn’t you say you don’t like the goats?

Cosmo: rude

Amber: 🐓 then, some of them get really 😠

Cosmo: Just call me a dickhead, alright

Cosmo: what animal do you reckon you are then

Amber: Which sea creature is the most irritating?

Cosmo: Jellyfish, I’d say

Cosmo: or some spiky shell thing you accidentally stand on

Amber: You do always accidentally upset me, accurate

Cosmo: You’re skulking about under the sand where I’m trying to paddle

Amber: ask yourself why you’re not noticing me, boy

Cosmo: you’re covered in sand, girl

Amber: You’ve seen me covered in sand before

Cosmo: don’t tread on me as a motto is already taken, sorry

Amber: I’ll think of something

Cosmo: Let me know

Amber: but don’t wait up, you looked like you didn’t sleep as well as me

Cosmo: I appreciate the concern

Cosmo: I’m gonna sweat it out

Amber: I did earlier 🧘🏽‍♀️

Cosmo: You better have cleaned up after yourself

Cosmo: You were in my room not his, remember

Amber: it’s not something I’d forget

Cosmo: the smell is better

Amber: and you don’t have 🕷🕸

Cosmo: Are you scared of them?

Amber: not when I’m in this country, but cobwebs getting stuck in my hair isn’t what I want out of a study spot

Cosmo: 😏 fair enough I reckon

Amber: Are you?

Cosmo: No, not really, there’s plenty around here so they don’t bother me

Amber: I’ll have to leave something other than a rubber spider in your bed, I’ll think about that too, I guess

Cosmo: If you wanna talk about petty

Amber: 😂 I don’t if you’re gonna talk about me

Cosmo: 😶 then

Amber: But really, you won’t even know I was ever there

Cosmo: I’m not worried

Amber: because I did such a good job before, it wasn’t Dash cleaning up what was supposed to be his room

Cosmo: Tah

Amber: I like to leave places how I found them, and your room is nice

Cosmo: ⭐️ for you

Amber: don’t give me sarcastic ⭐️

Cosmo: don’t talk about it, we’ve already agreed

Amber: I’m not talking about it

Cosmo: 👍

Amber: 😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶

Cosmo: I need my hands now anyway, so I’ll talk to you in a bit

Amber: okay

Cosmo: [send a gym selfie like proof like you absolutely do not need to we see you]

Amber: [The levels she would be dying because that's only the 2nd selfie he's ever sent so not expecting that and we all know what he's looking like]

Amber: It's too early for you to be non sarcastically ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Cosmo: The schedule disagrees

Cosmo: and doesn’t stop for a hangover either

Amber: Is sending me selfies part of your schedule now? 😁

Cosmo: even I have time for a click and send

Cosmo: so if you like, sure 🤣

Amber: terms of the truce

Cosmo: okay

Cosmo: what do I get?

Amber: What do you want?

Cosmo: Hmm

Cosmo: What do I think is equal to a 🤳 a day

Amber: I could make you breakfast that’s actually edible

Cosmo: Hey, my breakfast is edible

Cosmo: Not exciting, but definitely edible 😏

Amber: Well, when you want exciting, I can give you that

Cosmo: Alright

Cosmo: You owe me

Amber: tomorrow?

Cosmo: Tomorrow, alright

Amber: practice your not hating it face

Cosmo: you’re the one who can’t control her face

Amber: What?! Yes I can

Cosmo: Bollocks can you 😂

Cosmo: You’re beyond an open book

Amber: maybe that’s how I am around you because I don’t like it when you misunderstand me

Cosmo: I’m not complaining

Amber: I’m only gonna accept constructive criticism after you’ve eaten, anything else is getting pouted at

Cosmo: Generous

Cosmo: as you think I love it so much

Amber: I want us to be friends again, obviously

Cosmo: Me too

Cosmo: so I won’t make you pout before breakfast, promise

Amber: and I won’t say that sounds too good to be true

Cosmo: Have faith, like

Amber: in you or me?

Cosmo: 🤔

Cosmo: Both

Amber: 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

Cosmo: Do you believe in anything like that?

Amber: I don’t know, sometimes

Amber: but at other times it feels like wishful thinking

Cosmo: I get you

Amber: What about you?

Cosmo: I think I do, yeah

Cosmo: Plenty of things in my life make it so I kinda have to

Amber: that makes sense

Cosmo: It does?

Amber: it’s a realistic reason to believe in something, which means it’s a very you reason

Cosmo: Well you either believe because you need the hope or you feel #blessed, right?

Amber: I think so

Cosmo: and we all know which one I am

Amber: Likewise

Cosmo: I haven’t got Beckham level tattoos or anything though, just FYI

Amber: not yet anyway, but when you turn 18, right?

Cosmo: Totally, full sleeve ASAP

Amber: Everyone really would start calling me a bad influence

Cosmo: I don’t know who’s 👀 and 📢

Amber: A LOT of people have their eye on you, football star

Cosmo: Just my feet

Amber: it’s a very painful place to be tattooed, you’d wanna go easier on yourself for the first time unless you’re trying to put yourself off

Cosmo: I guess I’ll keep my 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 off my body and to myself then

Amber: how humble of you

Cosmo: Not really, I’ve not exactly got his body for it

Amber: You’ve got yours which I have 👀 and could 📢 about

Cosmo: Ha, shut up

Amber: Because I don’t wanna embarrass you, not because it’s untrue

Cosmo: There’s every need for protein shakes, tall = good but scrawny never is

Amber: but you’re not, you showed me the proof earlier

Amber: 💪🏽⭐️

Cosmo: I try

Cosmo: Anyway, what are you doing today?

Amber: I’m on my way to a friend’s house, she’s sick so I’m gonna stay with her until her mama gets off work later tonight

Cosmo: That’s nice

Cosmo: you offering your food services and making her 🥣?

Amber: I made soup before I left but I don’t know if I’ll be eating it by myself

Cosmo: Won’t say I’m now wondering how bad a cook you are

Amber: shh, she was throwing up BEFORE

Cosmo: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Amber: and hopefully not contagious either, or I’ll raincheck breakfast

Cosmo: your mum not have masks?

Amber: of course and I always have one with me if I’m sick but isn’t it rude to arrive like 😷 when she is and I’m there to take her mind off it?

Cosmo: Potentially

Cosmo: let me know if you’re dying then

Amber: maybe crossing myself will work

Cosmo: do you know the patron saint of sick people?

Amber: I don’t, but now I’m gonna find out

Cosmo: You should

Cosmo: there’s usually some specific ritual you have to do, you’d like it

Amber: If you don’t hear from me again it’s because there’s so many patron saints and I’m still trying to research them all

Cosmo: If she’s not up for being decent company, you’re welcome

Amber: ⚽️ has one! Did you know?

Cosmo: Didn’t but not surprised

Cosmo: tell me

Amber: There wasn’t anyone representing you until 2010, I don’t really understand why this specific man was chosen, it says because he represents values that are developed through sport like fairness, determination etc and he’s linked to youth, but in his life he was running orphanages and a school for deaf-mute girls, nothing to do with ⚽️

Cosmo: I can kinda see it

Cosmo: the academies are a bit like orphanages

Cosmo: that’s cool

Amber: that’s a sad idea, worse than when I pictured the hunger games

Cosmo: Not me

Cosmo: it’s a well-known poverty out for working-class kids

Cosmo: posh boys don’t play football

Amber: Oh, maybe that is the connection they were going for

Cosmo: God knows

Amber: what do posh boys play?

Cosmo: Rugby, golf, tennis…

Cosmo: most everything that they think is ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ and not too physical and classless

Amber: Crazy golf does look fun though, we should do it next

Amber: ⛳️🤡

Cosmo: We don’t have to wear the get-up of actual golf

Cosmo: I’m down

Amber: 🥺 I was looking forward to seeing you in it!

Cosmo: 😏

Cosmo: okay, okay, I will if you can

Cosmo: [god I hope I have a photo that works lmao]

Amber: I’ll figure it out, I’m friends with a LOT of preppy 🤓s

Cosmo: You are halfway there yourself, checks out 🤓

Amber: You’re lucky I’m back in a good mood

Cosmo: 😁

Amber: but I won’t be if you can’t fit me in soon

Cosmo: I doubt we can do that before school

Amber: Don’t worry, I won’t use my pout to force you to skip school

Cosmo: Not this close to being done

Cosmo: Definite bad influence behaviour

Amber: 👼🏽

Cosmo: I don’t want to fail now

Cosmo: even if it doesn’t really matter

Cosmo: still be embarrassing

Amber: Not wanting to fail is enough of a reason, even if you do have a safety net that technically means you’ll be fine

Amber: so if I have to miss you for a while and make do with your promised daily selfie, it’s okay, I’ll stop myself sending any distracting pics back

Cosmo: ** dream job, not safety net

Cosmo: You’re gonna miss me?

Amber: You’re, like, my favourite person to hang out with, I know I’ve essentially told you that before

Cosmo: I guess I’m not used to hearing it put so honestly

Amber: it sounds like you need better friends besides me

Cosmo: oh yeah, my friends are definitely the sort for deep and meaningfuls 🤣

Cosmo: I’m alright for them telling me they love me or whatever tah

Amber: You’re welcome that I came through your window

Cosmo: Your loss for not giving me the chance to thank you properly

Amber: maybe, but my walk is over and now I’ve got nursing to do

Amber: you’ll have to take the opportunity thank me over breakfast

Cosmo: Bright and early then, hippie

Amber: Should I use the door for once?

Cosmo: If you’re not painting a red cross on yours, yeah, you should

Amber: I’ll think of a secret knock to do 9 times, giving you plenty of time to do it yourself, put on a mask or say a prayer

Cosmo: I’ll be ready

Amber: Have a good day and night

Cosmo: Nerd

Amber: bringing 📚 is a just in case thing that I’m not gonna apologise for 👋🏽

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octavoh · 5 years ago

Note

heard you had an Octavo AU and I'm curious: Is he a puppet of Vaati ? Who hurt this poor boy™ and what is this AU about?

OHHH???? YOU’RE APPROACHING ME??????????

I AM VERY GLAD YOU ASKED BECAUSE BOY DO I HAVE A LOT OF CONTENT…

So the premise of the AU is that Vaati shares a body with Octavo due to some kind of curse. There’s a lot more below, including art for the AU. Please talk to me about it anytime!

I’m copy/pasting this from a doc. My notes are kind of incoherent, as I haven’t solidified the storyline too much (and most of them are just from me rambling on discord).

Context for the AU:

Vaati dies at the hands of the Hero in the Minish Cap. When he’s defeated, he casts a curse that binds his soul to a vessel. I don’t know what the parameters for the curse are, but it binds Vaati’s soul to Octavo’s.

Octavo knows that Vaati’s sharing a body with him, and Vaati can appear as an apparition to him. And since Octavo is born a few years after the events of MC he knows who Vaati is. That makes Octavo isolate himself, so at the point where shit goes down he lives as a hermit in the middle of the Minish Woods. He is, however, also a traveling musician who hoards instruments in his house.

16 years after Octavo’s birth, Ganondorf invades and takes over Hyrule. Both the king and queen -MC Zelda and Link- die at his hands. (They were barely adults at this point :( ) However, their daughter, Zelda, escapes with Impa.

And the plot:

The actual plot takes place 6 years after the fall of Hyrule. It’s anarchy, monsters abroad, Gan seeking the princess, etc. Zelda, now disguised as Sheik, takes refuge in Octavo’s house while being hunted by monsters. I made comic thumbnails about it. Click on the link to see ‘em

So Tavo opens up the door and hes like “bruh wtf” at all the monsters… and gets his ass beat. When Tavo’s knocked out, Vaati takes the chance to blast the monsters away (but doing so takes up most of the power he’s accumulated over Tavo’s lifetime, RIP).

Sheik sees this all happen. They know that Tavo’s gonna have a target on his back due to both his appearance (Since his color palette is kinda sheikah-like. I don’t know. It’s the pale hair) and, he just obliterated like half a platoon of monsters.

In the meantime, Ganondorf senses Vaati’s magic outburst. He takes it as a sign of the princess’s return, and mobilizes his forces.

Sheik and Tavo end up travelling together. This is a rash decision on Sheik’s part; they know that they could’ve left him behind without endangering him. However, Tavo’s also the only person they’ve really interacted with in three years and both of them are starved for human contact, so they end up clinging to each other.

For a while, they just travel without purpose, helping whatever people they meet on the way. (At this point they also hear about the Link of this AU. I’m still not sure where I’ll implement him and how, though, so I won’t elaborate rn.)

Then they meet [NAME PENDING]. He’s a suspicious old man that Tavo and Sheik just. Keep. Meeting. Eventually, the man confronts the duo. He’s the guide of the story, and tells Sheik about their mission and how they can defeat Ganon. He tells them to find Link.

Congratulations! [NAME PENDING] joined your party!

… Kind of. He disappears for days at a time. (Eventually, days become weeks. Weeks become months. Months become never again.)

And another major event that happens early on: while Tavo and Sheik are off adventuring, Tavo fucking dies. It’s probably not even a heroic death he just trips on a moblin or something.This activates an aspect of Vaati’s curse.

So Vaati and Tavo make a pact (a la Ava’s Demon) before their souls really die. I’m still figuring out what exactly they promise each other.

This is what the pact does, though:

- Vaati takes somewhat of a “backseat”. However, if it’s necessary, he can take over Tavo’s body for a while. (Doing so puts immense strain on Vaati and he can’t do anything for a while).

- It lets Tavo and Vaati communicate via dreams.

- Vaati also surrenders his magic power to Tavo (until the pact is … accomplished? Its conditions are met?) but Tavo, being a dumbass… doesn’t find this out till later.

- It changes Tavo’s appearance… dyes the dude purple.

- Vaati’s powers magically amplify Octavo’s music, letting him summon monsters and manipulate the elements (to an extent) with it. I might give him the wind waker because it’s the perfect weapon for Tavo (Is baton, has wind powers).

The rest goes something like this:

- Old man disappears altogether.

- The party finds Link. (Link is a soldier who was chosen by the Triforce of Courage after his predecessor, MC Link, died in battle. He leads somewhat of a one-man rebellion against Ganon.)

- Link also remembers all his past lives (Granted, there aren’t many of them at this point in the timeline.) This includes MC Link.

- Link is immediately hostile towards Octavo. Their animosity is probably going to be a major arc in the story. (…I’m probably not going to write it. F)

- Sheik and Tavo fight Link at some point when Link attacks Tavo. Eventually they get along and travel together lol

Also I think that the stuff that happens when the party gets to Hyrule Castle deserves its own section so it’s here. My notes also get a lot more incoherent from this point on, so beware

- As Tavo, Sheik, and Link gradually approach Hyrule Castle, they notice something different. The (Hylian + some Gerudo) citizens are happy and healthy. The castle is not in ruins. There are no monsters. It’s eerily idyllic.

- The castle is surrounded by an aura of malice, but everything else is peaceful.

- When they enter the Castle, the staff seem mostly be Gerudo. They welcome the party warmly. (The party is literally just waiting for the sneak attack, but it never comes).

- I don’t know what these are but they’re probably quotes/explanations from people in the castle

- “Six years ago, our king, Ganondorf Dragmire, came to Hyrule. Contrary to what you think, we did come in peace; we were to strike a trade agreement benefitting both our nations. During the last few days of negotiation, Ganondorf fell to a bout of madness- some sort of possession. Nobody had seen anything like it before.”

- “He came back to his senses to discover the blood of a thousand Hylians on his hands.”- [bitterly] “He still disappears to who-knows-where, only communicating with us by notes. We are doing the best we can to make amends for his own actions.”

- [From… Nabooru?] “I grew up with him as a child. He is hiding himself because he thinks- no, he knows- he will hurt others.“

And stuff from/about Ganondorf:

- Gan does his best to keep the will of Demise at bay.

- The Thing Happened when he touched some evil artifact in the Hyrule Castle vaults, which enabled Demise to use him and wreck shit up

- Gan has been researching the triforce to better understand what happened to him and learns about the Link/Zelda/Gan cycle thing.

- So the party meets Gan. Link’s in FIGHT mode from the start- Sheik and Tavo recognize Gan’s voice. Oh, wait. That old man…. Huh……..

- They fight and you can see that Gan’s holding back. But before Link can deal the finishing blow Gan goes apeshit because he can’t hold back Demise’s spirit anymore

- Cue epic boss fight but it’s sad because oh man that’s the old dude

- I know i mentioned [NAME PENDING] for like 2 lines but he’s an integral part of the story and becomes a little bit like a father figure to Sheik (and a lesser extent, Tavo). So they’re fighting a close friend. it’s not fun.

- By the end of the battle everyone’s exhausted, triforce pops out and forms that wish-granting triangle thing

- Guess who boops it. Surprise mothafucka, it’s Vaati (having taken over Tavo’s body.)

- He does the evil speech thing and taps the triangle with malicious intent. But there’s been a Vaati redemption arc throughout the story where he learns to empathize with people and become a decent dude. And though his wish sounds evil, but the interpretation is surprisingly neutral/good because his heart’s not really in it, so to speak. i havent even decided to use that particular event or not, though.

I’ve got a doc (It’s kinda inconsistent with what’s here. I need to update it)

And refs!

Tavo:

Sheik/Zelda:

Link:

Headshots of Octavo, Sheik, and Link respectively:

Yeah! Thanks for reading through all this; I’m really glad you asked!!

#vaati #octavo #octavo coh #this is SUPER LONG under the cut

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crowned-ladybug · 6 years ago

Text

I’ve been meaning to get around to this for ages and I’m finally doing it now. So: since I’m not gonna write a fic on it probably (def not on the entire thing), here’s what happens after the end of That Sad Rivals Fic I Posted The Other Day

Warning: it is Long. Like, 5k words long.

Actual warning: blood, injury, self-esteem issues

OC blog is @menagerie-of-morons

The first one to notice that Jackie’s unconscious is ofc Marvin, thanks to the whole magic thing. He doesn’t actually immediately Know he’s out, just that Something Changed and when he looks down and sees his eyes closed + that he doesn’t react to being moved he realises what’s up and he swears his heart stops for a moment

Having Jackie injured and bloody and out cold in his arms brings up some Bad Memories

He starts looking rapidly between Stephen and Jackie, and at this point he’s in full Panic Mode and would probably be screaming and crying if they were alone

Stephen catches on p much immediately too, this whole thing goes down in the matter of seconds. He tries his best to stay calm or at least Look calm and keep his voice steady as he orders Teddy, Chase and Anraí to stay back (they can linger just pls don’t get in the way) and Marvin to help him carry Jackie to the lil infirmary connected to Stephen’s office

It ends up as just Marvin carrying Jackie bc can you imagine trying to pry him away from Marvin now? You literally can’t

Teddy, Anraí and Chase wait outside the door all crammed together to see what’s going on and Anraí slowly drapes himself over the other two bc they’re all scared and need the comfort. Teddy absently pets his head and Anraí almost cries (he’s trying really hard not to)

Marvin gets to help with healing this time but Stephen tells him right at the start that the moment he doesn’t do as he’s told (unspokenly mostly referring to “stop pushing yourself too far”) Stephen will force him to leave and that’s more than enough to make Marvin behave bc goddamn does he Not Want To Leave, Ever

The whole healing and patching up goes by in a blur bc they’re all just tired and confused and scared and running mostly on adrenaline. Stephen is used to this as much as he can be, and Marvin is so emotionally fucked up and sees so much blood everywhere it kinda loses meaning to him after a while (yknow like when you say a word so much it doesn’t sound like a word anymore? That.) At the door, Chase eventually turns around despite feeling shit about it and just hugs Anraí for comfort bc he just can’t watch, and after a while Teddy too looks at random corners and equipment in the room more than at what’s going on at the bed. Anraí can watch but it’s in part thanks to how unfamiliar he is with human anatomy

Marvin only dares speak once they’re all done, Jackie is all bandaged up and stitched together and magically healed to some extent. It’s mostly hiccups bc of how much he’s been crying and he asks wtf could have even happened?? And Stephen just sighs and he sounds and looks So Tired and says he wishes they knew but maybe they’ll find out when Jackie wakes up

Stephen knows better than to try to force Marvin to leave this time

He looks So Miserable and Stephen’s heart breaks for him bc here’s this proud ass goddamn Idiot he normally loves getting into playful arguments with and calling out for his bullshit, and who’s normally so dignified and smooth and a lil smug, and even when he’s not he’s full of brightness and fuckin fondness, all that fondness he somehow collected along the way - and now he looks so broken and small. He’s shaking and crying and barely daring to look away from Jackie, let alone let go of him, and it’s so heartbreaking seeing someone usually so collected and happy and content so fucked up.

And it runs through his head that Marvin’s gonna be all dehydrated now from all this crying, and he can’t allow that. He also can’t allow him to just stay sitting balanced on the edge of the bed bc he’s too tired to stand but doesn’t wanna take up too much space or disturb Jackie.

They have an armchair in the infirmary I shit you not. It has wheels and they keep it in a corner covered with a sheet when they don’t need it but they knew one day they Would need it bc there’d come another day when someone gets badly hurt and someone else wants to sit vigil by their side, and they might as well do that not entirely horribly uncomfortable. And so they got an armchair in the infirmary.

So Stephen gets the armchair and denies all help offered by Marvin bc he’s not sure if there’s anything more than meets the eye with the constant touching (he’s Smart, okay?) or if it’s just bc of how anxious and exhausted Marvin is, but either way he doesn’t wanna make him let go of Jackie’s hand if he doesn’t need to, for everyone’s sake.

So he pushes the armchair over and tugs Marvin into sitting in it and Marvin immediately curls up against the armrest of it while still holding Jackie’s hand.

And fuck, Stephen is so tired, but he’s gotta take care of all these scared kids first, he can’t rest until he knows they’ll all be okay. He asks the Door Gang if someone could go get them, mostly Marvin, some stuff – a blanket and pillow or two, a bottle of something to drink, Marvin’s phone and/or 3DS and a good book, so that they can both distract themselves. And maybe a change of clothes bc they both got p bloody.

Bc Stephen doesn’t feel ready to let Jackie out of his sight yet either.

Chase immediately volunteers for the fetch quest bc he’s glad to be helpful and Do Something aside from staring at all his friends looking so broken and small. And now Anraí is torn, bc he doesn’t know if he should stay and watch over everyone in the infirmary or to go with Chase to help him (and watch over Him), until Teddy pats his arm and tells him he’s got it covered here, he should go with Chase. So he does.

They come back with the best blankets and pillows in the house, and as comfortable clothes as they could find, and Marvin’s black cat plushie, and orange juice, and even remember to bring chargers for both phones And the 3DS. And then Anraí runs off again, then comes right back and takes Chase too bc he’s still p clueless in the kitchen, and then they come back a lil later with a pot of freshly brewed tea and mugs and stuff to put in the tea.

For a moment they even feel happy over completing their Quests so well

And then they see everyone else again and that joy is gone. Bc Marvin is curled up in the armchair still, but now wrapped in a blanket and presumably in different clothes bc there’s a pile of bloodied ones on the floor in the corner, and hugging his cat plushie with his free hand. Stephen is across from him on the other side of the bed, in an only moderately comfortable chair, just staring into nothing, and Teddy is leaning on the back of Marvin’s armchair. He absently reaches out to fiddle with a strand of Marvin’s hair that falls near his hand, but the moment he touches it Marvin shakes his head violently and whimpers.

Bc Marvin doesn’t wanna be touched at all rn anyway (except for yknow, holding Jackie’s hand) and usually Jackie is the only one who gets to and does play with his hair and He Doesn’t Wanna Think About All That Now.

Stephen tries to shoo everyone but Marvin away bc it’s okay, we got this now, you can go to sleep bc goddamn it’s late, but none of them want to leave. Anraí actually just goes “Fuck That!” a lil too loudly. And that’s how they end up all camping out there for a while.

They bring more blankets and pillows and the rest of them just sit on the floor. They even bring snacks jic someone’s stomach will eventually feel up for eating, but none of them do. They end up talking after a while, of random shit and anecdotes and whatnot to help distract themselves, and everyone but Marvin takes part. They call it quits when Chase falls asleep hugging Teddy’s arm, and they have to wake him up again to get him into bed.

Getting him off to bed ends up as him, Anraí and Teddy all piled onto one bed (bc Chase is a fancy bastard with a double bed) and they swear it’s “just five minutes” but when Stephen checks in on them before going to sleep himself he finds them asleep in a pile. Chase may or may not fall off the bed by morning without waking up and the only part of him that remains on is the leg Anraí wrapped his tail around in his sleep.

Stephen is the last one to leave, bc nothing has changed in hours so he hopes that’ll keep up while he sleeps. He tells Marvin to call him as soon as something does happen, even if it seems minor or ends up being a false alarm, it’s okay. Marvin just nods, and lets Stephen hug him, and then v hoarsely says goodnight.

And so Marvin is left to sit vigil on his own again.

The first thing Jackie knows when he wakes up is the dull ache everywhere in his body, and then sharper pain in a Lot of different spots. The next thing he doesn’t even consciously acknowledge, but it’s Marvin’s magic surrounding him, which he’s just so used to at this point he doesn’t really bat an eye.

The third thing is that he remembers that he’s sad, or supposed to be sad at least. He doesn’t know why, he just is, and for now he’s not too bothered about finding out. But he figures that if he’s sad and Marvin is here, then the easy solution is to talk to him or cuddle with him or something, and then maybe he won’t be sad anymore.

When he opens his eyes he finds a mostly asleep Marvin with his head resting on the edge of the bed, the armchair he’s still mostly in pulled up as close as it will go, and holding his hand. And that + yknow, getting a glimpse of his own arm all bandaged up finally makes him remember Why he’s here and what happened.

And in bright daylight, he feels like shit about it! It was a shitty way to handle everything and bad for Everyone and right now he doesn’t even understand Why he felt the need to do that and he really, really wishes he didn’t. Bc now everything Hurts, and he knows he must’ve scared everyone too. And he must’ve Especially scared poor Marvin, who’s here falling asleep on the edge of the infirmary bed, his blanket mostly on the floor and his face smudged from crying. Bc Jackie doesn’t know Everything about how Marvin handled it the first time something like this happened or why it fucked him up so much, but he knows that it Did and that alone should’ve been enough reason for him to take care of himself, bc he’d never wanna put Marvin through whatever hell he went through the first time.

And yet he did anyway.

He knows this whole thing is gonna lead to so many unpleasant conversations now, and he hates it and wants to postpone it as much as possible. He doesn’t wanna have to look his friends in the eye (he won’t, he’ll stare at anything else possible to avoid looking at them anyway) and tell them that he went and almost got himself killed bc of some stupid self-esteem issues.

But he doesn’t wanna deal with any of that rn so instead he decides to wake Marvin as gently as he can bc they probably Both need comfort rn. He starts by just rubbing circles into the back of his hand, and that alone is enough, bc p much as soon as he starts to move Marvin jolts awake, eyes wide in alarm, clearly never having meant to doze off in the first place.

And then he sees Jackie, awake and looking at him with a small, gentle smile, and he starts to cry again.

It takes some convincing that no, it’s okay, he won’t get super hurt from it, but eventually Jackie manages to tug Marvin onto the bed with him. Bc goddamnit, maybe making space for both of them Will hurt for a bit, but Marvin is sad and scared and probably spent an entire night sitting in an armchair and nodding off on the edge of the bed, and Jackie wouldn’t mind some cuddling either despite the pain, so fuck it. They make it work.

Marvin eventually ends up on his side while Jackie still lies on his back, and he holds onto him, careful not to hurt him more, and he just...cries. He tries his best to be quiet and not gross about it, and eventually it turns into mostly just small, breathless hiccups bc he’s already been crying so much. Jackie isn’t sure what to say to make it better, and his voice is hoarse and quiet, but he says stuff like “it’s okay” and “I’m here” and “we’re safe, nothing bad’s gonna happen now”. Sometimes Marvin mumbles something back, and most of it sounds suspiciously like “I love you”, so Jackie says it back every time he thinks he hears it.

He feels bad about it afterwards, but after a while, despite Marvin’s crying and occasional nervous fidgeting, he drifts off again.

The next time he wakes up again he comes to fairly quickly, and finds himself in the middle of a stand off, because on one side he’s got Stephen standing next to the bed, trying really hard not to smile through his mock-angry expression, on the other he’s got Marvin still lying next to him and holding his arm and staring up at Stephen like he’s the world’s most horrible traitor.

Turns out Stephen told Marvin that he should probably not be cuddling his asleep and v injured boyfriend and Marvin called him an asshole for it.

And honestly the whole thing is kinda just…..sweet and goofy for a lil bit?? Marvin finally smiles when he sees Jackie awake and Jackie finds it ridiculous himself but his heart does a happy lil backflip at that, and he feels v giddy when Marvin gives him a “good morning” kiss on the cheek. Stephen v fondly tells him he’s glad he’s finally awake before nagging Marvin until he begrudgingly sits up and lets Stephen do a check-up on Jackie.

Jackie is well enough thanks to Stephen’s expert work + Marvin’s magic that he can at least leave the infirmary and instead is moved to one of the couches in the living room, where he’s told to still stay on his ass as much as possible, but at least he’s more comfortable and gets to hang out with everyone else. He gets a change of clothes and also breakfast (and so does Marvin bc he hasn’t eaten yet either) and eventually Marvin snuggles up with him (he had a shit night, okay) and they play pokemon together (a lot of handing the 3DS back and forth and “oh god why did you do that, come on let me do it” “no, fuck you”) when there’s no conversation going on with anyone else around.

And for a lil while Jackie feels content despite the pain and being stuck in bed (couch), bc he’s safe and cosy and everyone is being nice to him without babying him and he gets to criticise Marvin’s pokemon naming practices as much as he wants.

(They’re playing the same Moon save that Marvin had played the first time Bad Things happened to Jackie, and in which he has a shiny ribombee named after Jackie, called ShortySofboy, which is short for “Shorty McSoftboy” bc it didn’t fit.)

They know they’re not in any immediate danger (Anraí assured them that none of his kind are anywhere Near the house, and Marvin has wards up in case they Did decide to come pay them a visit), so they let Jackie have his nice morning instead of interrogating him. But all enjoyable mornings must come to an end and Anraí is the one who eventually slips up and all casually asks Jackie “what the fuck were you doing out there last night, anyway?”

And Jackie has to scramble for a lie to tell.

Marvin feels Jackie’s pulse jump (bc he’s still right next to him, he is Not Leaving) and gives Anraí a very disapproving look and Anraí refuses to look at him after that. Jackie kinda retreats into his shell for a lil while to come up with something, but the others assume it’s bc he doesn’t wanna talk about/remember all the events from last night.

It barely helps Jackie at all tho bc goddamnit Anraí looks genuinely sorry for bringing it up too early and Marvin is looking at him all soft and concerned, he doesn’t Deserve them being so kind to him when he was out there doing Bullshit Reckless Things he Knew would get him hurt.

He is This Close to just saying he’d rather not talk about it, but he might as well, right? Sooner or later it Will happen, maybe if he does it now he won’t have to tell Everyone, they’ll just discuss amongst themselves. Which isn’t likely bc they’re more respectful than that, but he can hope, right?

“I...I did some very stupid shit last night.”

He can feel Marvin shift next to him and he can see Anraí’s ear flick curiously and he can practically Feel them wanting to tell him he’d never done anything wrong in his life ever but not knowing if they Should bc they don’t know the full story yet.

So he tells them he went to one of the places they never go, ever, because they Know they’re swarming with more monsters than all of them together could handle on a good day, and tried to pick off a few. Knowing full well the few would turn into many. He tells them, in a small voice, that he doesn’t even know how he got away.

He doesn’t tell them that he remembers running off a ledge, not even sure he could fly anymore, then flying as fast as he possibly could, and crashing in an alley bc he was too exhausted to even land properly anymore.

He carefully, deliberately avoids mentioning Why.

And so, of course, they ask.

Anraí just looks shocked and still so sorry for bringing it up, bc Jackie obviously doesn’t wanna talk about it. And Marvin looks worried and even scared, but also confused, bc he knows he’s missing Something, there’s something here he missed but should’ve seen long ago. Maybe he could have prevented this.

But Jackie doesn’t see any of that, bc he can’t make himself look up and see how sorry they are, see their concern and worry, knowing he did this all because he doesn’t know how to deal with his own shitty feelings, not even for a moment considering how it’d affect his friends. He keeps his eyes fixed on his lap, and tries to brace himself for when it hits. For explaining Why.

Marvin is the one to ask it. “But...why?” The rest of the question is lost somewhere, but Jackie gets it. They all get it.

He sounds so small and uncertain, Jackie has to keep himself from wincing.

“Because I...I suck at handling my own fucking feelings. So I went off and did some stupid shit.”

He sounds so angry and disappointed, but at himself, and Marvin and Anraí want to comfort him but Can’t bc they don’t know How.

“I wanted to prove that I’m worth something!”

The end of it almost comes out as a yell, but it’s choked and broken and desperate, and Jackie sounds like he’s about to cry.

He is.

“I wanted to prove that I’m not just here for comic relief, I can hold my own and handle shit myself! I’m not just a little idiot to be babied and saved! I’m not holding you guys back!”

He’s crying, but he doesn’t even care to wipe the tears away bc he’s Angry and Tired and just wishes he could go back and not do this, but he knows he’d do it again anyway. He needed to prove himself Somehow, even if he chose the wrong way to do so.

He feels out of breath and his throat hurts and it’s an effort to even just swallow properly. Every cut and bruise and stitch hurts.

“...and I wasn’t even right. I had to be saved anyway.”

He wishes he could just get up and leave and not have to be part of this conversation anymore. He doesn’t wanna see their worried, sad faces and hear their pity. He doesn’t want any of this. But he can’t leave, bc everything hurts and he’d just be held back out of worry anyway. And then Stephen would kill him if he found out.

He doesn’t want their uncertain little half-sentences that get cut off on their own anyway. He tells them to save it. And they do.

He’s pretty sure he’s shaking.

Anraí asks if there’s anything they can do to help, and he just shrugs. He doesn’t know, doesn’t care. But then Marvin asks if he can hug him, and…

He doesn’t know. Does he want comfort? Does he deserve it?

He nods.

And so he’s drawn into a careful, gentle hug, Marvin’s hands avoiding all his worst injuries, like he knows where they are without looking, and he does. Bc his magic is still there, reading Jackie’s vitals like it’s second nature at this point. And he doesn’t talk, which Jackie is grateful for, he says nothing aside from a quiet, genuine “I’m sorry.” And Jackie finds himself pressing into him the best he can without it hurting.

He just wants to hide here from the world for a while.

There’s more talks. Awkward, nervous talks that Jackie has to mentally prepare himself for and finishes shaking, with tears in his eyes and a lump in his throat. Marvin usually holds his hand or rubs his back through them, not caring if anyone bats an eye at the “unwarranted” PDA during a heavy conversation. All he cares about is that it makes things a bit easier for Jackie.

They talk about a lot of things, over time. They talk about Jackie’s self-esteem, his fear of getting left behind or being a burden to the group. About his unhealthy ways of coping with that. About how this mission or any mission doesn’t determine his worth and place in the team. About how they all love and value and respect him, and about how they could do more to show that, to keep this from happening again, to keep him from getting lonely with his thoughts.

And so they try to make it all better.

The effort they put in shows and sometimes results in the same effect as a clumsily supportive parent cheering you on through something they barely know anything about, but did their enthusiastic research on the internet anyway. They do their best to make sure he knows how much they value him, how proud they are of him, how amazed they are by his abilities. That he’s just as much a part of the team as everyone else is. That they know he can hold his own.

It doesn’t go quick and it doesn’t work perfectly immediately, but they work on it. The bad thoughts don’t go away right away and fully, but Jackie learns to work through them and tell them they’re wrong.

And this time, he’s got help.

Marvin wakes up in the middle of the night. It’s a restless night, he’s already woken up and struggled himself back to sleep three times. He’s about to just roll over and try again, when he decides that maybe he should chance if Jackie is awake. Cuddling? An all nighter? Who the fuck cares he just wants to do Something other than This and Jackie sounds like the perfect company for that.

Except he finds Jackie’s room empty.

And that’s it, he doesn’t look for any logical explanations or clues or anything, his brain immediately kicks into overdrive and flashes him back to the last time Jackie disappeared at night, and then came back bleeding out and passed out in his arms.

It is Not a fun feeling.

He doesn’t wake anyone anyway bc What If It’s A False Alarm, he’d never live that down (everyone would forgive him, but him? He wouldn’t forget the shame), so he just goes looking, hoping Jackie is in their giant ass house Somewhere doing something completely mundane and safe.

The bathroom is empty, he could already see that bc there was no light coming out from under the door, but he checks anyway. The kichen and living room are also empty, and at this point his logic is getting fucky from all the tiredness and anxiety, so he barely knows where he should look next.

He checks the indoor garden.

It’s so ridiculously calm compared to everything he’s feeling rn. There’s a cloudless sky with perfect constellations above, a slight breeze weaving through the plants that’s coming from nowhere, and the flickering lil lights they call fireflies but don’t know for Sure bc they’ve spent night after night trying to catch them and never could. It’s so quiet and peaceful, he doesn’t wanna yell, even if he knows none of his sleeping friends would hear and wake up to it.

He hurries along the path to the lil resting area they have, with a couple benches and lots of pillows and fairy lights. He sees the fairy lights shining through the trees before he sees the rest.

And he finds Jackie sitting on one of the benches, a book in his hands. Safe and sound.

All the anxiety and adrenaline disappears in that single moment and Marvin almost collapses, which sounds hella dramatic but he’s fuckin Tired and was Not prepared to panickedly scour the house for his boyfriend at like 2am.

Jackie can see that Something Is/Was Wrong so he’s v gentle when he talks but also he makes grabby hands at Marvin until he 1. giggles at it and 2. comes over to sit.

“Shit night?” “Yeah...” “Same.”

Marvin wants to just v simply tell why he’s here but instead he just spills a whole lot of thoughts at once and Jackie listens patiently. “I couldn’t sleep and I went to find you, bc why the fuck not, right? Worth a try. But you weren’t in your room so I got stupid anxious bc What If You Left, again, to get hurt and prove yourself. And I was worried. Not bc I don’t think you can handle things! You can. I trust you and I believe in you and I know you can handle shit on your own, I promise! But you’re also my best friend and my boyfriend and I Love You and I’m worried about you getting hurt bc I really don’t want you to get hurt. Not bc you can’t handle it, just…bc it sucks.”

That, fyi, is a Lot of Feeling Talk to get out of Marvin at once, or at all. Jackie is kinda baffled but also, like, it’s in the middle of the night, and tired, just-came-down-from-an-adrenaline-rush Marvin is a Very feelsy Marvin.

And so Jackie tells him that it’s okay, he gets it, and also that he’s actually having a good night mental health-wise, he just couldn’t sleep bc of restlessness. It happens. But he knows the reason Marvin worries about him is bc he cares and he’s been getting better about in general seeing worry as caring instead of condescending. Marvin is so glad he’s doing better.

At some point Jackie winds up on Marvin’s lap and Marvin hugs him Very Tight and okay Jackie can’t go back to reading like this now but it’s okay bc it’s nice. They eventually end up dozing off sitting which isn’t Super Comfy but they’re fine and neither of them feel like getting up and going back to bed when they actually grow tired enough to fall asleep. But it’s okay.

They just feel a lil cold when they wake up in the morning.

#original art #original character #original writing #writing #fuck it it gets the tag #rivals au #oc: jackie #oc: marvin #oc: stephen #oc: anraí #oc: chase #oc: theodore #hi my hands are absolutely killing me now!!!!!! enjoy

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grumpycakes · 8 years ago

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It’s 3 am and I should absolutely be asleep but I am anxiety procrastinating doing that while perseverating about my cousin and how she treated me today. And there’s so many things that build into this but I’m gonna TRY AND KEEP IT SIMPLE (LOL newsflash I didn’t!!!!)

- If I don’t actively seek out time with her she assumes I hate her and didn’t want to hang out

I was at the CONVENTION and wanted to make the rounds through artist alley again with my business cards and meet the other artists (which is nerve wracking enough without my constant codependent ass worrying about her being bored/judging how I’m interacting with ppl) She also wanted to go to panels and didn’t text me after to ask where I was or what I was doing till and HOUR BEFORE THE CON ENDED so i assumed she was doing her own thing

- Since she’s mad at me or thinks I’m mad at her she goes non verbal with me and super cold

Which isn’t something my mom used to do as a manipulation tactic that sets me off faster than anything else NOOOOOooooooooo. Which isn’t fucking horrible to watch and hear her have fun/happy/fine convos with the other members of our group and then have her maybe grunt at me when I try to engage

- She wants to keep going over why she wasn’t invited to the brunch with our IMMEDIATE FAM that my sister wanted to introduce her boyfriend to dad at

Yes I have explained to her TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY WITHOUT PUTTING GODDAMN WORDS IN MY SISTER’S MOUTH that

- she’s weird and wants “Family Moments”

-sometimes these family moments are not for all the cousins

- dad’s a goddamn fart and shouldn’t have agreed to you coming when you invited yourselves

- Katie WAS WILLING TO HAVE YOU COME AT THAT POINT BUT DAD IN CODEPENDENT FIX IT MODE TEXTED YOU THAT YOU WERE UNINVITED

- to be fair you weren’t invited

- She’s my sister and now that you’ve made it a problem FOUR TIMES in the past 24 hours I’m starting to get pissed that you’re mad at her for wanting a brunch without extended family

- YOU’VE ALREADY MET THE BOYFRIEND MORE THAN DAD HAS

- this was gonna be awkward cause dad brought his fucking girlfriend and SUE KATIE FOR WANTING LEAST AWKWARD AND DISTRACTING

- FUCK YOU FOR BEING MAD THAT BETSY, RYAN, AND I WERE INVITED AND CAME. WE ARE HER SISTERS. RYAN HAS BEEN WITH BETSY FOR 4 YEARS AND IS BASICALLY A PART OF OUR FAMILY. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO CAME THIS MORNING LIKE YOU’RE TALLYING WHO’S POPULAR ENOUGH??? I DON’T GET TO SEE THEM MORE THAN ONCE A YEAR IF I’M LUCKY

- if you are so bent out of shape about it how about you ASK HER YOURSELF instead of making ME EXPLAIN A CHOICE I DID NOT MAKE

SCREAMS

and lastly

- Maybe I’m just exclaiming that something is odd to me. PERHAPS I don’t want a 10 minute argument about why some idiot would walk away from a hotel that didn’t have their room ready for them because ppl DIDN’T CHECK OUT (which is both STUPID and absolutely not the hotel’s fault) I get that your boyfriend likes to have these devil’s advocate talk fests but I am TIRED AND DONE

this may just be exhaustion and frustration at the sheer proximity I’ve had with everyone for the past 4 days but I am SO DONE rn

#irl shit #mel bitches #anxiety issues #mel freaks the fuck out #I told her half of what I listed out about the breakfast thing #cause I was flustered and couldn't form words #I legit was like #I do't know what you want from this conversation #I have expained it to you #and I'm sorry #and if you're gonna play those games then we don't need to hang out #you don't actually make time to hang out with my anyway

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cielowrites · 8 years ago

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Put on a Show - Nyx Ulric/Kingsglaive Mage!Reader

A/N: Straight up rn, I’ve never truly written stuff like this and this ended up longer than I anticipated??? ah, just a heads up, it’s fem!reader. i may put in male!reader or a neutral one in the future depending.

Hope you enjoy it! owo

Warning/s & Disclaimer: N/A ; I don’t own any of these characters, especially you, but I did adopt some of the Glaives.

A memory from days ago shouldn’t have taken away his focus this much. Drautos had already reprimanded him so many times that afternoon (You’re slacking, Ulric! Keep it together!’) that it seemed to create a new record the rest of the Glaive had kept score of.

Across the training grounds, you’re tasked with instructing the newly recruited mages. Every now and then there would be one whose eyes would wander to the esteemed hero of the Glaive, as he fell for a feint again. You’d tut at the recruit, called their attention, and continued on with your lecture.

“Although we have people fighting off the Niffs at the front, we mages are largely targeted in battle.” Hands folded behind your back, you slowly paced before the line of recruits, their gazes now solely on you. “Never get caught on your own out there. Always have another mage or soldier with you.”

With a moment to take a breather, Nyx snorted at your words and shook his head. You were definitely one to talk to when it came to getting caught on your own. No doubt you were one of the most highly regarded mages there, but shouldn’t a teacher follow their own advice?

“Something funny, Ulric?” You knew that he’s been eyeing you for the past few days. Despite being flattered, perhaps even a little more than that, you needed to get these mages trained and ready within the next month. You still had a job to do after all, and it was something you took very seriously.

“Oh, don’t mind me, (Y/N). Carry on.” An easy smile on his lips, he sat down to rest and watch you, blue eyes trained on your stride and gestures while the others chatted amongst themselves. Elbows propped up on his knees with his hands atop one another, Nyx leaned forward to rest his chin on his knuckles.

Your demonstration of casting Protect followed up with a fire spell took him back to a small moment he witnessed; the very one that has been on his mind far longer than he thought possible.

“Do the magic! Do the magic!”

He’d been on his way home after a week’s worth of non-stop fighting when he heard the group of children, clearly those of refugees that lived in the lower districts of Insomnia, practically begging someone he couldn’t quite see from where he stood. The amused laugh he heard was all he needed to know that it was you. He stuck to the shadows and took a peek at what you were up to.

Last he saw you was some odd hours ago on inventory duty. How did you finish so quickly? Did you just skip out on it?

Nyx knew he probably would, given the chance. He was just too exhausted after that week and was more than ready to sink onto his bed.

“Last one then. Remember not to tell anyone else about this, okay?” You gestured at the little ones to give you some space and conjured balls of fire from your hands. The children made hushed sounds of amazement as they stared at the fiery red that breathed with you. With a grin, you began to play with the flames on your fingers and continued to enchant your small audience with graceful motions that reminded Nyx of a dancer.

He’s seen what the king’s loaned magic could do to troops of MTs and the destruction it left in its wake. Yet here you were: entertaining children with the same tool being used in a seemingly endless war that’s left many dead or homeless.

Part of him wanted step out and tease you about your ‘inappropriate use of magic’ (Drautos’ words, not his) to interrupt your little display, but he was utterly mesmerized with the way the flames trailed your skin and how you treated it with such gentleness that he felt the back of his neck and ears heat up.

You never seemed to get out of that ‘battle mode’, even after the fight was over. This was a new side of you he’s never seen before and he found himself wanting more of it.

“Hey, Nyx! Are you watching this?!”

Crowe shook Nyx out of his thoughts and pointed towards your direction, eyes brimmed with admiration for you. You and Luche were in the middle of sparring, another demonstration for the new recruits it seemed. Brows furrowed, he watched the match and concluded that it was Luche who had the upper-hand the entire time while it looked like you were struggling to parry his attacks. Was Crowe cheering on him instead of (Y/N)? He was certain that you and your fellow mage were on good terms. Best friends even.

“What’s there to watch? Luche is-”

“Going to get his ass handed to him by (Y/N).”

In a split second, reds and oranges bursted from your hands and curled around your form, the flames like a second set of armor. The sight of it was almost eye-blindingly bright, but Nyx couldn’t help but stare in wonder.

Luche stumbled backwards from the unexpected burst of magic you conjured. The flames made you a difficult target to get close to, much less breathe by, and throwing his daggers would be useless at that point since your magic would swallow it right up. With a grumble, he raised his hands and yielded through gritted teeth.

Nyx caught your relieved sigh when you patted away at the fire on your uniform. You did nothing but intimidate Luche into yielding, but you took the victory well when you saw that the recruits gained a new appreciation for battle magic.

He was pretty sure that he heard Luche mumble something that sounded like ‘what a showoff’ when he made his way to the bench to sit beside him, a frustrated look pinched his features.

“Exceptional work with the new mages, (L/N). Keep up the good work.”

“Thank you, Captain.” You gave Drautos a polite nod as he passed by the locker room and continued to change out of your uniform. As you finished slipping into your casual clothes, you headed out as soon as you could but almost rammed right into Nyx, his group of friends trailed behind him. “Oh! Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to run into you guys...” You paused and gave Crowe a grin, which she returned with one of her own. “And gal.”

“Relax, (Y/N). It’s no trouble.” Nyx shrugged, the leather jacket on his shoulder swayed from the movement. You seemed to be in a rush to get home, but he had a feeling that you were going to stop by somewhere else if the look on your face was anything to go by. “Nice show earlier by the way. You planning on using that on the field?”

Out of politeness, you decided to stay a while to talk. You hoped that the children were all right with you being a little late. They could only be out during the evening for so long after all.

“And make myself a huge target for all the Niffs? Not a chance.” You chuckled as you shook your head. “I won’t do something like that in a fight unless I’m supposed to be the distraction.”

"Well, it’s one hell of a distraction, (Y/N). You should’ve seen the look on Luche’s face.” Crowe started laughing and smacked the back of her hand on Libertus’ shoulder to get his attention. “Show her the face!”

“Hey! That hurt, Crowe!” (Y/N) puffed her cheeks to hold in a laugh and hid her smile behind her first. Nyx caught the sight of it before you hid it, his own lips curved up slowly while Libertus showed his impersonation of Luche’s expression during the spar. The sight was too hilarious for you to hold in your laughter any longer and it rung in the hallways of the Kingsglaive HQ. Simple as the sound was, it was one that warmed the hero.

“I swear, Ostium, you’re just too much.” You took a moment to take a deep breath, a few more laughs tumbled out before it finally calmed down. Your thoughts went back to the kids that were waiting for you and the expression on your face instantly changed. “Shit. I’m sorry, I gotta go.”

“What’s the rush, (Y/N)? Got a date?” Crowe nudged her shoulder to yours and waggled her brows. Pelna let out a sigh and pulled the mage away from you. She didn’t stop there and gave Nyx a small nudge as well, a knowing grin on her face. He met her look with a unimpressed one then turned his attention to you to see what you’d say.

“Maybe, maybe not.” With one last laugh, you tucked away your phone and gave the group a wave. “I’ll see all of you tomorrow. Have a good night and tell Yama that I’ll stop by soon.”

“Only if you put on a great show for the kids. Tell them I said hi too. They know me.”

Your eyes widened at Nyx’s words and froze just as you were about to head out. Libertus, Crowe, and Pelna gave their friend and you a confused look, their heads turned from one to the other. A sly grin made its way to Nyx’s face as he watched you attempt to bounce back from the shock. It was rewarding in a sense, to see you go through a series of emotions as opposed to when you trained the recruits earlier.

“You... You... Shut up.”

You sprinted out of there with your cheeks slightly warm and, despite being quite a distance away from your fellow Glaives, heard the sound of someone being punched and loud exclamations.

[Text: Unknown] hey (Y/N), it’s nyx. just wanted to say i’m sorry

[Text: (Y/N)] How the hell did you get my number??

[Text: Unknown] crowe told me to apologize. which is what i’m doing

Your lack of response the following minutes after made him feel bad and he called you instead, his fingers drummed the thin cover of his pillow as he stared at the wall of his apartment. The ringing seemed to go on forever and he was sure that you probably didn’t want to talk to him by then.

Click.

“What?”

That certainly proved him wrong.

“I’m not going to tell Drautos, you know.”

“... I’m not worried about that. Thanks anyways.”

“So what is it then?” He heard you sigh through the phone, a soft rustle in the background that let him know that you were probably in bed.

“You’re a blunt one, aren’t you?” You heard a snort on your end and pinched the bridge of your nose. It was nice that he wasn’t the type to tiptoe around matters like this, but some tact didn’t hurt every now and then. “It’s...just something I’d rather keep private. Self-indulgence type thing... and stuff...”

“... Something to keep your mind off the fight then?” This man just never ceased to amaze you. Ready to struggle through words to describe what these ‘shows’ meant to you, Nyx was able to put it so plainly for in a matter of seconds.

Then again, you knew that was the way he worked, even out of battle.

All you could do then was nod, as if he there in front of you. Your silence seemed to confirm everything got him. “Got it. I’m... Really, I’m sorry about that.”

“... You get it. That’s all that matters, Ulric.”

“Nyx.” He chuckled, the sound rather breathy and surprisingly soft in your ear. Your felt yourself becoming warm all over, more so than when conjured flames licked at your skin from your little display for the kids. “Just Nyx, okay?” You went silent, trying to gather yourself for a moment, while he became worried.

Did he go out of line again? There weren’t any official ranks within the Kingsglaive aside from Drautos being Captain, but it was obvious that you were considerably high up there. Within the mages unit, at least.

Just as he was about to ask if you were still there, you finally broke the silence. “Nyx?”

... Shit. The effect he had on you earlier had reflected back to him. The grip on his phone tightened just a bit and he swallowed hard before he spoke.

“Y-yeah?...”

“You better put on a show tomorrow for those recruits because you sucked today. Then I’ll accept your apology.”

And there went the moment.

“As long as you’re watching me too, (Y/N).”

#nyx ulric x reader #nyx x reader #f!reader #ffxv imagines #ffxv #ffxv fic

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barnowl98 · 7 years ago

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AYYYY I’m going to share my mental health story

I was watching a thing on youtube about someone who was sharing their story, and I decided I wanted to do that too. This may contain triggers, but if you do decide to read it, read it all the way through.

You should know that I’ve only ever told a few people about this, I’ve never told any of my friends off the internet, or my parents, and it should be noted that I HAVE NOT TALKED TO NOR AM I A PROFESSIONAL. I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN PROFESSIONAL HELP AND IF YOU ARE CAN RELATE TO ANY OF THIS STUFF GET HELP, TRUST ME I WISH I HAD BUT THERE WERE OTHER CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND MY CONTROL AND A LOT THAT I KNOW NOW THAT I DIDN’T KNOW THEN. SERIOUSLY, IT CAN’T HURT SO JUST DO IT.

But seriously, it’s taken me a long time to get to a point where I can share this, and even now it’s only on a somewhat anonymous post where no one I actually know will ever find it.

Now that I’m done yelling at you, I can start.

Sooo... the first thing that should be known is that one of my family members is borderline (actually maybe not even borderline, they may have crossed that line but I don’t know) abusive, not physically, but mentally. I’ve been told I’m worthless, ugly, useless, never going to be happy, my whole life. I’m overweight, and always have been. When I was 9 this person tried to convince me to basically not eat anything, and I almost bought their argument until they told me I would never be happy if I was fat.

When I was little I would write short cute stories, and as far as I remember they weren’t bad, and when I let this person read them, they would always laugh. I thought they were laughing at the stories. Turns out they were laughing at my spelling mistakes. I found out when I asked them to read my essay for school. They laughed at it. It wasn’t funny. I told them I wanted to be an author when I grew up. They told me I could never be an author because I was to fat. Thats when I stopped worrying about my weight. That statement, that I couldn’t write because I was fat, was just so BS that even I could tell it wasn’t true.

But the thing is: if someone tells you these things, every few days, for years, you start to wonder if they’re right. Especially if this is an authority figure. I promised myself then that I was going to prove them wrong. I still am working on that promise. I write as much as I want, and I do what makes me happy, and the day after I can consider myself happy is the day I start a diet. Is it physically healthy? No. But as I’ve grown I realized that even before I knew what mental health was, I was putting it first. Its more important to be happy than it is to be happy.

Anyway thats that part of the basic info. The other part is that in elementary school I had a best friend. We became friends in first grade, and by 4th we were nearly inseparable. Except that apparently she wanted nothing to do with me. I don’t know what happened. She won’t tell me. Did I say something or do something? I still don’t know. All I know is that one day we were fine and the next day on the playground she told me not to talk to her again.

I don’t know, maybe its just my kind of personality, but that completely destroyed me. Like its one thing if you don’t like me because of something, but to go from being my best friend to nothing with no explanation... I still don’t know what I did, and that still bothers me. Now I’ve guessed that it was probably peer pressure since all the other girls in our class came to me 3 days later and told me they also wanted nothing to do with me. But I didn’t really care about them, they were only my friends because of her, but I do remember sitting on the playground when they told me all of they're little speech and I just remember crying and asking why. I said why so many times. They wouldn’t answer. After that I was left with one guy who also didn’t understand what was going on, and he pretty much saved my life the first time. He made it a goal to make sure I smiled every day. And I did because of him, but I also started into depression and social anxiety.

About a month after the end of our friendship, this girl comes back and thinks we can go back to being best friends, and I was like Bitch excuse you? But also I couldn’t talk to her. I didn’t know it then, but now its completely obvious. I had anxiety attacks when I tried to talk to her. 2 times I actually blacked out. I don’t think i fainted, but I remember being terrified when one second I was trying to talk to her, and the next thing I know I’m in a completely different place, but I have no memory of what happened, just a sense that time had passed. Its fucking terrifying, especially if you don’t know what’s happening.

But this girl, she doesn’t give up. We wrote notes back and forth for 2 years. She always insisted that she did want to be friends again and she was sorry for what happened. She never told me why though, and thats most of why it took 2 years. When I finally was able to talk to her again we became pretty close friends again. By then I had made friends with another girl, and the boy I had been friends with kind of headed towards hanging out with other guys. It was middle school, girls had cooties again. This other girl deserves a name because she literally saved me. But since I don’t have her permission, we’ll just call her Ash. Ash, “Her” and I were friends for a while, and it was great. That year I also got invited to a leadership conference in Washington DC for a week (which, side note, I think I had a nightmare that they were trying to sue me over the events that happened that I will now describe, so I’m going to be very careful about not mentioning the name. Don’t sue me, none of this is my fault.) So that spring I got on a plane with my aunt and went to WA DC. The conference thing was great. I got to see lots of places and we went all over and learned lots. The food was not great, so I didn’t really eat. I thought it was ok to skip eating so much since I was overweight. I WAS WRONG DO NOT EVER THINK THAT’S OK YOUR BODY THINKS ITS STARVING AND GOES INTO SURVIVAL MODE AND ACTUALLY WON’T LET YOU LOOSE ANY WEIGHT AND MAKES YOUR BRAIN NOT WORK RIGHT AND SUCH. This was just one of the factors. Another was my roommates. We were assigned rooms in groups of 4 with other kids from around the country. I should mention that this trip was kind of expensive, and I was lucky to raise the money to go, but almost everyone else there was rich. I got roomed with 2 rich... I’m just going to say it. Bitches. Fuck them. I’m getting ahead of myself. The other girl was like eh whatever I’m going to sleep. The 2 girls decided that instead of like just sleeping or whatever, it’d be fun to make my life living hell for the week. Now I’d been bullied at my school. I mean the best example is all the girls from the previous story shunning me. But the thing about my school is that they don’t do the bullying directly to the face. They might whisper behind your back, but they would never say it to your face. These girls were not that kind. They stole my stuff, they wouldn’t leave me alone, they kept watching tv so loud I couldn’t sleep till midnight or 1AM. Thats on top of jet lag. They bullied me into not asking for a room change. Finally on the Thursday of that week, I locked myself in the bathroom with my phone. I was crying and hyperventilating, I couldn’t move but I couldn’t stand to stay still. It was terrible.

That was the point. We were in a room on the 8th floor. There was a window. I wanted to end it all. I didn’t want to go home. I just wanted to stop existing forever.

But there was this tiny voice in my head begging me to try to get help. I had 2 friends, The girl and Ash, and Ash was kind of known for not being the most reliable person and little more happy go lucky, not really the kind of person that would help in this kind of a situation. This girl was reliable right? Seriously, what happened before was just so out of character for her, theres no way she would leave me literally on the edge. Right?

I called her. She answered. I was mid anxiety attack and couldn’t really make words, i was just sort of crying into the phone. She didn’t even listen or ask me if I was ok. She yelled at me for calling her so late at night, and she hung up. I called again. I texted her. I told her I needed to talk to her, I told her what was happening. I told her I wanted to say goodbye.

I decided to call Ash, just as a last resort. And I will tell you one thing about Ash. She has a slytherin exterior and persona, but on the inside she is a hufflepuff. She is the most loyal friend I’ve ever had, and she was ready to kill whoever hurt me. She let me talk to her mom, and she got grounded for a month for being on her phone at night, but she also didn’t care about those things. She cussed out the girls in my room for me. She stayed on the phone with me till morning to make sure I got the rest of the night to sleep. She made sure I was ok.

And like I wasn’t. I’m still not that ok. I’m still crying even thinking about it. And the other girl? She still gives me anxiety attacks. I avoid her at all costs. Shes not a bad person, in fact I we have a lot of common interests. There was a reason we were such good friends. Now she works in my bank, and I have to go talk to her sometimes, and I always leave the bank on the verge of an anxiety attack.

And Ash and I aren’t really friends anymore we kind of went into different branches in high school, but I will always be thankful for her. She always has a place in my heart.

I want to say more about how all this has effected me but honestly I’m exhausted rn. What happened made me who I am, but I think I’d like to change that bit if I could. Its ok to have regrets. Its ok to have problems. Take care of them. Take care of yourself. You will be ok, even if it doesn’t seem like it now, and it will take time. You won’t be ok next week, or next month, or maybe even next year. Maybe not 10 years from now. But eventually one day you’ll think back and realized that hey, you’re ok. Its ok. And then you can let it go. And thats ok. Everythings ok in the end. I love you. Its late and night. I’m going to sleep now. Seriously, I love you, especially if you think no one else does. I would love to talk to anyone who I can, but tbh find a professional, I’m just a young adult who doesn’t know anything and I tend to mother hen ppl with problems and thats not good for my choice to put my happiness first, and also I don’t consistently get tumblr messages, but there are plenty of free emergency health lines, some even that you can text to, so google one up and get help. Seriously, its worth finding help. Your life is worth it. I promise.

Sorry for spelling mistakes there are a lot of red squiggly lines but idc rn

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trascapades · 7 years ago

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Esperanza Spalding Talks Recording an Album in 77 Hours, Sexism in Music & Nicki Minaj

Billboard 9/22/2017 by Natalie Weiner

Esperanza Spalding photo by Carmen Daneshmandi

The time is 10:31 p.m. ET on Wednesday, September 13, 2017, and 2.3k people are tuned in to Facebook Live as Lalah Hathaway records a haunting, wordless melody for Esperanza Spalding’s new album Exposure. A scene that would usually last days or weeks and be witnessed only by assistants, engineers, and maybe a couple friends is instead put on display to the world for the hour or so it takes to complete.

The expedited pace comes thanks to Spalding’s self-imposed deadline: 77 hours to compose and record one new studio album. The livestream was to preserve authenticity, from both Spalding and her label (can’t cut a song if the whole world’s already heard it). 34 hours in, the studio is humming as friends like Robert Glasper trickled in, and her bandmates loitered in various studio lounges waiting for the vocal takes to wrap. Cameras in all corners of the studio capture the entire process, including the requisite snacks and naps. Online, reactions roll in to Hathaway’s always-impressive voice. “Yo, I’m so shook rn,” one reads. “There are no more words for how my soul is smiling,” reads another. “When’d you write this?” Glasper asks as he brings a piece of music to the piano. “This morning,” says Spalding, chuckling.

Following the conclusion of her livestream experiment, the renowned bassist, singer, and composer spoke with Billboard about the unorthodox process for recording her sixth studio album, which will be released by Concord this fall.

Esperanza Spalding on Her Alter Ego and Being Inspired 'By Stuff People in Suits Don't Give a Shit About'

We’re speaking exactly a week after you started recording Exposure. How do you feel? Was the process exhausting or invigorating?

It was super-invigorating. I mean, my body is tired -- I think I lost like five pounds in there, burning so many brain calories. We didn't know what it was going to look like, but it was so clear to everyone that we were coming in to create. That took precedence over everything: fears, concerns, all of that. That was kind of the mission: to take all the extraneous factors away from the art of creation. And it happened. Now I’m in Philadelphia for work, I have writing to do for a gig coming up this weekend -- the momentum is still tumbling forward.

That's a pretty impressive schedule!

I mean, the mission isn't to be impressive, it's just...my job, you know? When a brain surgeon saves somebody's life or completes something they've failed at before, it's not like they take two weeks off from work to kick back and recover. That's your job! Your job is to perform. My job is to make and create, and it only works if I do it all the time. So this is what it is.

Once you have the momentum, you have to capitalize.

Use it and juice it. I assume we're talking about creative momentum here. There's nothing outside of you that’s propelling you forward -- if you set up the circumstances and decide on what your own stakes are, you create the momentum to move towards your mission. That's really all you need. We saw that with Exposure.

We had a lot of support: a studio, a film crew, assistants... but if all you're doing is creating, you don't need anything. You don't need any money, you don't need any tools, you don't need anybody to believe in you. You just start, with whatever resources you have. The act of creating is making something from nothing -- so you don't even need momentum. You can feel dead tired and uninspired, and still create. It's amazing.

That's a great way to put it. I've had people ask, "How do I become a writer?" and the answer is, more or less, you just have to do it.

Yep. There's no secret. Before you start, everyone says there's no secret and you're like, "Come on, you guys are holding out -- you're not telling us something." Then you start writing, and you're like, "Oh." The whole thing is just harder than you think it is. There's no secret, no shortcut. Once you accept that being a writer or a creator is just really hard and takes a lot of hours of slogging through crappy first drafts, you just keep producing, and then you turn around and it's done. That's the magic.

There were some people who suggested that recording your album Exposurein 77 hours might be a gimmick, which surprised me since it seemed like an escape from social media -- a concentrated amount of time to focus completely -- as much as an embrace of it. What was the main motivation for broadcasting the recording process for you?

For me it was about not hiding, and creating as my actual self -- the best that I could muster of my actual self. For that to mean anything, there had to be a real audience and it had to include strangers; people who hadn't already paid $50 to hear me perform. It needed a witness. Having a witness helps us know that the stakes are real, and that we really have to do this because people are watching. We can't be like, "Oh, I don't like this one, I'm going to stop." We have to keep going, because people believe in us, and they're waiting for us, and they're with us. It felt like we were all in it together.

The fact that anybody who was interested (or not interested) could watch this happen, was part of the healing of it. [In doing the livestream,] I'm not just making things for the people I presume already want them, and I actually have no way of knowing what the people watching want -- so what I make can't be catered to them. It was a way to have an exchange that was outside of the commodity-based economy. An opening to have a shared experience.

It's very similar to live performance in the sense that you have to keep going, because we're all there to have a forward-moving experience. It's hard to talk about what we all went through together -- if you saw it, you know. The more I talk about it, the further I feel from it. It just seems small-minded to say that it's a gimmick, or a jazz thing. When I hear that, I think, no, you're just scared. There's actually a lot to be learned and taken away from this event.

I already know what it means to me, but I think there's more in there to be unpacked. I almost wish other artists and musicians would speak about it and to it, question it and challenge it. I've kind of said everything I can say about it by doing it, and speaking about it now feels cyclical and away from the point of the damn thing. The point of the damn thing was the thing.

Do you plan to perform this music live?

There will definitely be more performances. I like the music we wrote, and I didn't know if I would. But I really love it, so I want to play it some more.

Did you write anything for the album that surprised you?

Yeah, all of it. I practiced this mode of writing -- obviously we didn't write any of the songs that happened during Exposure -- but I realized the night before I went in the studio that I hadn't actually finished one song fast enough to get 10 done in three days. I got really nervous, and felt like I'd made this promise that I couldn't live up to. So really, as each one came, I was surprised that we’d actually done it.

In interviews leading up to the album, you used a few different sports metaphors. To me, it seemed like you were departing from the idea of being a musician training to perform (as all musicians do) to being a musician training to compose.

That's it. The energy of being in shape, but not knowing what we’re going to be responding to (while still understanding the mission as a team) -- I bet any athletes out there who are also musicians (or vice versa) would understand that sentiment. You step in, and you're prepared -- you've got your plays -- but you don't know what's going to happen! The muscles are all primed to move in an infinite combination of ways, and you depend on your creative brain operating in real time to come up with solutions and to make it entertaining! It's not about flawless execution, it's about the game of it. It's supposed to be fun.

Obviously beating Justin Bieber and Drake for the Best New Artist Grammy in 2011 is pretty far in the rearview for you at this point -- how do you see your connection to popular culture now?

I mean, I care about the act of making sounds and the creativity that goes into it. I enjoy hearing what people come up with, even when it's within a very established sonic aesthetic. I'm not an avid music consumer in any direction, including "less" "commercial" "forms" of "music" [Laughs.] I like to imagine that even if the culture-consuming populace-at-large doesn't like what I do or cheer for it sonically, that there's a certain appreciation for the fact that I'm doing it.

The whole Grammy thing will just exist in history as an anomaly. I got a couple more Grammys after that... I made good records, but part of me thinks that they were just trying to make [the first win] not look so random [Laughs.]

Esperanza Spalding Beats Bieber, Drake for Best New Artist Grammy

Are there pop artists you listen to?

It's no surprise that I thought that last Childish Gambino record was ingenious. I like the Mars Volta. LCD Soundsystem -- I heard them at a museum in Portugal, and I was like, "Word? These guys are glorious, where have I been?" That's what jazz will do to you: you spend so much time transcribing... in the amount of time it takes for a jazz musician to transcribe ten seconds worth of a solo, most people have listened to three albums. It's ridiculous. That's the downside of being a student of that pedagogy.

I think Nicki Minaj is a champion of our time, I really do. It's exciting to imagine, in 40 or 50 or 60 years, when students will be analyzing her business acumen and how she created personas and sounds... just her use of language. She's such a bright star that I think the genius of her approach is overlooked. I just always assume that powerful black women are never fully seen for what they're actually doing. People appreciate the results but not the method.

At some point when I'm at Harvard, I'll probably do a paper on her. I hope I get to interview her and learn more about her tactics. What I hear is a fucking tactical motherfucker. Like, a genius. I really admire her. She is so deep. She's a boss, she knows exactly what she's doing, and I really love her. I'm looking forward to when she has a couple kids and is just chilling at home on a weekend, and I'll go interview her for my research paper.

Sort of in the same vein, I got to see you perform with Geri Allen and Terri Lyne Carrington a couple years ago -- an all-woman band. What you guys played hit me in a way I wasn't expecting, and the energy was just really unique. Is that something you felt at all with that band? Is playing with exclusively women different at all for you?

There's no energetic boundary. That is different. It came up peripherally in conversation with Geri, but mostly speaking for myself: We didn't realize that we always hold this boundary around our bodies, and our language, and the way that we greet our bandmates, and the topics that we'll delve into -- all because on some level we're conscious of not triggering or feeding a sexual dynamic, a traditional, conditioned relational dynamic. We’d all worked with, grown up with, and studied with men from a generation that saw all women as potential objects for sex, or just generally as subordinates -- whether they were conscious of it or not.

Playing with Geri and Terri, there was the distinct feeling of something falling away. Energetically, emotionally, and physically, we would go anywhere with each other. We just felt 1000 percent free, and open, and heard, and received, and I think that expresses itself in the music somehow. I don't know how -- it would be interesting to see a brain scan, if there are any actual differences in our process for communicating [laughs]. I think we all were pleasantly surprised to discover what it feels like to just be completely uninhibited. It was really refreshing.

It actually made me aware of how much, in a lot of contexts, I am sort of...bracing. I got so used to it I didn't realize I was doing it, until I played with them and went, "Oooooh OK.”

And also, even though all three of us have very different personalities, as women in this music we'd experienced a very similar path. It can be really lonely to be a young woman in the music industry. We all had gone through a lot -- Geri more than Terri, and Terri more than me -- and when we played, there was this understanding of a common experience that we'd all lived. Never spoken of. But I think you could feel that, and I think that's something special to Geri, Terri, and me -- not necessarily any three women playing together.

In an interview with Larry Wilmore last year, he asked if you’d choose to end sexism forever, even if it meant you had to shave your head and give up music. He seemed surprised that you said yes. How do you see sexism in music and beyond actually ending?

I think it's less about sexism, and more about transforming the ideology that people are tools. Women in power in the music industry can be just as exploitative of other women and their sexuality as a man can -- if the mission of exploiting them is to make a dollar. It's our shared responsibility to stop using people, and to stop assuming that ther e's any type of person that it's ok for us to use or treat as less than.

I'm excited to hear more and more people speak to that level of deprogramming instead of just, "Let's make sure women can get the jobs men hold." That's great and important, let's absolutely share the burdens of this economy, but as important is remembering that more broadly inequality is our shared responsibility. As [German philosopher] Erich Fromm would say, it’s about treating people as ends, not as means.

#Esperanza Spalding #artist #jazz artist #black women in music #black women musicians #women musicians #Exposure album #77 hours #Team 77 #Art Is A Weapon

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