#dark might is when fanon takes on a life on its own and the fandom needs to be hit with that *go directly back to the source material*

[proxissima]

Dark Might is such a fascinating character to me.

(Movie spoiler warning!)

Despite how rather goofy this evil All Might-lookalike thing is conceptually, in the movie you have this man, Valdo Gollini, who is utterly miserable and insecure despite being born into a wealthy family and who hates himself so much that he jumped at first the opportunity to completely abandon his identity to take over the one of the hero he's had an unhealthy, extreme admiration for for a good part of his life.

And when I say it's his identity he gave up, I mean it's not just his previous name that he dropped, but also his appearance and even personality, because he didn't just want to imitate All Might, but genuinely be him. We've never seen Valdo Gollini even smile, but the moment he donned All Might's face, he did a complete 180 and turned into a charismatic world-class showman that stole every scene he was in. (His sadistic tendencies, of course, still shone through and ruined that picture.)

He gave up his entire past and demanded that everyone in his family and other subordinates only refer to him as All Might, initially (and as Dark Might later on), and he immediately disliked being addressed as "boss", too, which is another detail in the movie that I find intriguing.

To him, All Might was perfect, which in turn meant, that he - Dark Might - was perfect, too, for as long as he wore his idol's appearance, that is, and only for as long.

Arguably the most interesting and decisive, character-defining scene we get with Dark Might is when he's violently thrown back to confront his past identity that he wanted permanently buried, when his All Might 'mask' was burnt off and the face of Valdo Gollini was left exposed, and his first instinct wasn't to protect himself from the onslaught of attacks, but to claw at his face and scream in despair over the loss.

His sanity took an immediate nosedive after this, too, and as he was rapidly unravelling psychologically, seen when all transformations of Dark Might that followed were also increasingly warped iterations of All Might's hero outfit, though he still held on to his life-long desire and delusion throughout this.

Dark Might saw All Might only as the symbol, not the person, but he also never bothered to comprehend what he actually stood for beyond that unfathomable power and admired that inaccurate image in his head he had of All Might.

He is, in a way, a tragic but also a deeply troubled character.

[fatcatlittlebox]

Regarding the 'did sauron make her armor or not drama on X:

It's not even really about canon vs fanon to these 'uM ACTualLY' canon police. They have this weird need to correct anything they see that doesn't fit into their idea of truth, so they have to remind everyone of it.

Regardless if he did or didn't do it, it makes sense in a many people's mind and that brings them fun and joy.

But y'know, we can't have fun and joy over a harmless detail that has no impact on the overall direction of the story. No, because we're little children that need to be sat down and spoonfed what's canon and not because we don't know any better.

They can't have us sharing this harmless idea around and fangirling over its possibility with other people, because for some reason it's like a pebble in their shoe so they HAVE to say something even though I trust that most people who didn't come in only watching the show know better, and even if they didn't and like the idea that he made her armor, there's ZERO harm in letting others have their fun and being considerate and smart enough to know when to stay in your own canon-ruled lane. It's like me telling my little cousin as she's giggling and opening her present that Santa is fake and just a lie made up. Like how is that so hard to understand?

And another thing is, I clearly want to know, if anyone wants to take this rant and tape it to the front of their cars: what sort of harmful or dangerous impact is there to real life if some fans accept this as their personal canon? Hmm? Is it going to make some impressionable minor more vulnerable to an abusive partner? Or not see a red flag in an unhealthy relationship? If the answer is no to either, then really, do better as person and learn to leave shippers alone. Or block something that they don't want to see. Not that hard.

Calling it now - these same canon police will jump to defend any 'fanon' headcanon or theory with celeborn as canon because in their narrow minds, the relationship isn't dark, so of course XYZ might as well have happened and be deemed canon! And trust me, if anyone dares say something to point out the fact that since there's no visual or literal confirmation over a HEADcanon, the same people will jump in and start going 'wELL, THAT'S WhAT wE CalL ImPLiCATiON, because even though we didn't see it happen, it wouldn't go against either character to say that it happened. There's no harm in saying that it's canon as long as the relationship isn't questionable or dark, guys~!

[If all these things are not shown then they are not part of the story] Alright, I'm not even going to go into this one that I saw so I'll let others have it.

Anyways, it's disgusting how some ppl in the fandom just can't let others have fun and feel like it's their moral purpose in life to be pedantic. Also apparently some ppl were acting like they just wasted half of their life thinking there's new info or retrograde confirmation over it bc it spread like wildfire (cause it made some people happy, go figure). Like sorry you were fooled ma'am, sorry you wasted 15 secs of your life for nothing.

Also, they need to look up what the definition of a headcanon is. It might blow their minds.

/micdrop

Ps, if we slap a blonde wig on Halbrand and call him Annatar can we call it a canon gift NOW? Pls O great gatekeepers of what's canon and not, here thy plea! /s

This. But it’s not even about canon, or fanon or harmless or all in good fun. We don’t have to justify diddly squat. It’s what happened! They’re wrong and can sit all the way down. It’s not “headcanon” to interpret with our own eyes the narrative the director, writers and ACTORS are telling us. Are we so cynical and literal that we cannot interpret what is visually implied or metaphorically shown? Everything has to be explicitly said or presented for it to be canon? Dude, what is the point of artistic expression? It’s not even someone’s ability to read the subtext or think abstractly. It’s simply being an intelligent viewer. And I’m not saying the antis are stupid but I think we can all agree that a satisfying interaction and consumption of art is when the artist and audience share the expectation that intelligent observation is required. The antis are biased as you have said and they’re really missing out when they shut themselves off to the deeper, richer thematic story being told.

[thesiriusmoon]

Harry Potter ships I truly hate

Disclaimer: I’m not telling you who to ship and whatnot, I’m just expressing how awful these ships are to me and then explaining why.

1. Harry X Draco

Now this is coming from a former drarry stan who before, hadn’t read the books. I thought Draco ‘had no choice’ and ‘just wanted love’ until I opened my eyes and saw the character for who he really was. That is a spoiled blood supremacist who hates muggleborns, and is loved by both of his parents. Draco bullied Harry. Although Harry fought back, it was because he was the victim and had to defend himself. Harry never went out of his way to hurt Draco, but Draco did it constantly. Draco and Harry would never work because Harry hated Draco just as much as Draco did him. You could ship Harry with so many others that wouldn’t be toxic such as, Ginny, Cho, maybe Hermoine (but I prefer Romoine), maybe even Ron if you want to. (I don’t ship Harry and Cedric because the ages are too weird). It’s so obvious throughout the entire book that Harry didn’t have romantic feelings for Draco, he only ever thought he was doing bad things, seeing as he was a bad person. Harry found love in Ginny in like the fifth book? Which is when the crush started, and no one else was in the picture for him once he began dating Ginny. In conclusion, Ginny is the one he married and had children with, not Draco, because he hated him and wanted nothing to do with him as he was nothing but a bully who hated muggles and muggleborns. Seeing as Harry is a half blood, and his mother was muggleborn, why do you think Harry would turn around and be like “oh he’s just broken I’ll fix him.” And ignore everything Draco ever said about his family???? That’s such a toxic thing to think... because believe it or not, in a relationship you’re supposed to be with someone you like as a person. Just because you may find Draco attractive, that doesn’t make him a good person!! Harry would never choose Draco over anyone for that matter. If it were between Ginny or Draco to be saved, you better bet on Harry saving Ginny.

2. Hermoine X Draco

I genuinely hate this ship with my entire being. It disgusts me. This isn’t an enemies to lovers, this is literally bully X victim. Hermoine didn’t fight back, meaning Draco was the full oppressor and she was the oppressed. Draco is a blood supremacist who called Hermoine a mudblood constantly and hated her, and the feeling was mutual from Hermoine because why would anyone like their bully? Falling in love with your bully is a book trope, that doesn’t happen in real life. When Hermoine was being tortured in Malfoy Manor, Draco stood and watched because he didn’t care, meanwhile Ron, the boy Hermoine was attracted to and loved, was screaming and crying begging for him to take her place so she would be protected. That’s true love, something Hermoine and Draco will never have. I really will never understand why so many people love shipping victims with their oppressors... like do you get a sick kick out of it by babying the oppressor? Saying things like “oh he’s just unloved” or “he can change!” When none of that is true. Draco chose to be who he is, which is a blood supremacist and was loved by his family, and Hermoine chose not to ever engage with him because of his personality and attitude. Draco hated her, and everyone else like her because of their status, and overall, Hermoine just isn’t attracted to him. Hermoine is attracted to Ron and he’s the only person I can see dating Hermoine because everyone else would be a bit strange. Dramoine is unbelievably toxic, and all it does is romanticise abuse. “Oh Draco only bullied her for 7 years because he was afraid to love her.” Stfu. You’d never hurt someone you love. Draco bullied her because he thought he was ABOVE her, and she was nothing but dirt on his shoe.

3. Hermoine X Pansy

When it comes to fanon, I still don’t understand why it gets shipped because in order to do that, you have to change Pany’s entire personality to the point where it’s not even Pansy anymore. It’s just some nice girl with the same name. Because the real Pansy bullied Hermoine and made it known how much she didn’t like her. Not only that, but Pansy was head over heels for Draco. This isn’t an enemies to lovers, this is shipping the bully with the victim for some weird reason... because Hermoine didn’t fight back just like Hermoine X Draco. If they were both at each other’s throats I could see your enemies to lovers, but that’s just not what this is. If you ship them because you’re looking for a wlw ship, why not take a look at Ginny X Luna, Lavender X Parvati, or even Tonks X Fleur, rather than picking the toxic ship that would never ever work and would only hurt Hermoine. Ron Weasley exists for a reason. Again, shipping someone with their oppressor is a very weird thing to do. For example, Ron is a pureblood, but Ron wasn’t prejudice towards muggles or muggleborns, because he’s a decent and normal person. Pansy and Draco aren’t decent people, and they bullied people. Really there isn’t much else to say as all canon stuff about Pansy is about her bullying people, and encouraging people to capture Harry because SHE’S A BLOOD SUPREMACIST THAT’S ALL SHE IS. Hermoine is a strong and independent woman and would NEVER date someone prejudice like that, she has standards.

4. Lily X Snape

We have to stop with this “she can fix him” mentality, because women don’t exist to fix men. Either Snape was a good person, or a bad person. He should be able to choose that himself. Which he was actually, and he was very clearly a bad person. You can’t force someone to be attracted to another. Attraction forms on its own, and it’s something Lily never had for Snape, they were only friends. To say that Lily owed Snape something because he liked her... is so wrong and disgusting. If she doesn’t like him, she doesn’t like him and Snape should fucking move on instead of obsessing over her. But, Snape overall was a creep so you can’t say “oh he made a mistake” when that man knew EXACTLY what he was doing. Ripping Lily’s happy photograph of her with her husband and baby, and taking the letter she wrote for Sirius who Snape could pretend she did that for him. Literally disgusting. Even the friendship was toxic. When reading I realised that Snape played the victims card a lot when talking about the marauders as if he wasn’t doing WORSE thing to them. Lily knew that Snape wanted to join Voldemort, as seen in the books. ‘You and your previous little death eater friends — you see, you don’t even deny it. You don’t even deny that’s what you’re aiming to be! You can’t wait to join you-know-who, can you?” Then she says “I can’t pretend anymore, you’ve chosen your way, and I’ve chosen mine.” Lily PRETENDED that Snape wasn’t going to be a death eater because she didn’t want to believe that her own friend would hate her kind so much. Though once reality hit her she was gone and was never coming back. To ship someone who was oppressed with the oppressor is so weird and wrong, and I genuinely think you’re strange if you do that 😐. Snape already didn’t like Lily having other friends... so what does that tell you about what kind of relationship they would have? A manipulative one and an emotionally abusive one. James Potter was a pureblood, and not once did he ever bully someone for their blood status. He did things to Snape because Snape was a prejudice piece of shit and deserved it quite frankly. I would have done the exact same thing. Remember, the Potter’s were ‘blood traitors’ and Snape was a blood supremacist, of course the two aren’t going to like one another. But the difference is, Snape bullied innocent people (laughing at the fact Mary MacDonald was subdued to dark magic) and James fought back for those without voices. Getting revenge for people who couldn’t do it themselves. That’s the difference between a bully and a hero tbh. There’s no way Lily would ever date a death eater, she’s a strong woman who can make up her mind for herself rather than having people on the internet say things like “she was brainwashed!” And things like that. She became attracted and fell in love with a respectful man who would never cause her any type of emotional or physical harm.

In conclusion, I will judge you if you think shipping abusers/oppressors with their victims is ok in any way.

If you made it this far, feel free to comment or reblog with your own opinion. Just know that my opinion on these ships will never change because they’re all extremely toxic whether you like it or not. That’s just common sense. It’s canon that Draco, Pansy, and Snape were horrible people who liked to make fun of others. Fanon doesn’t mean a single thing in this because fanon isn’t real. If you have to change the entire personality of someone so they aren’t abusive... what does that tell you about their character? A lot of people do this because they like how a character looks, which is so tone deaf. If you think a victim should date their oppressor because of looks... I’m judging you heavily. If a character is wrote to be abusive, I don’t understand people do fan art of them with the people they hurt in a romantic way.

You might say I’m being over dramatic, but really it’s not that hard to understand that you shouldn’t romanticise abuse or say that oppressor X victim would make the perfect couple just because of their looks.

Would you ever ship Neville with Draco? No you wouldn’t. And it’s not for the reasons you would think. I bet if Neville was conveniently attractive (in the books, I love Matthew.) people would have shipped him with Draco despite Draco mercilessly bullying Neville for 7 years. A lot of people would have made excuses like “Draco was broken!” In order to be able to ship two attractive men together. (Which also plays into fetishisation of lgbt+ couples I think...) This fandom is rather toxic when it comes to this, and they’d rather ship a very abusive relationship with two conventionally attractive people rather than a loving one with two people that aren’t.

[o-wyrmlight]

i might ramble so please forgive me, but i honestly love your writing for espresso and madeleine. i commend you for taking the time to flesh out these characters in a way where you can understand them and their actions. no hate to anyone specifically but a common theme i see in the fanon interpretation is espresso being nothing but a selfish prick because of his tendency to push people away and his sarcasm, while madeleine is viewed to be a himbo because he is a very optimistic character in the canon story line. when in reality madeleine is one of the best paladins (if not the best), a skilled fighter and strategist. he’s not stupid as the fandom makes him out to be. and with espresso even though he does have his moments where he can be rude, he carried an injured madeleine back to the village despite sustaining injuries himself in the side story. of course the characters have their not-so-best moments because of their egos but i just wish that the fandom didn’t take one trait from them and make it their entire personality.

You know what just for that I'm going to show you a snippet of a work in progress that I haven't worked on for months but still feel relatively content with. Enjoy Espresso's perspective and Snark.

---

He wasn't expecting Madeleine, but somehow he was still disappointed that it wasn't him.

"Good evening, Raspberry Shortcake Cookie," he said, folding his arms professionally behind his back. "To what do I owe this apparent honor? In case you couldn't tell, I am rather busy, so do keep it brief."

Raspberry Shortcake narrowed his eyes at him, a deep maroon that always felt a little too judgmental for Espresso's liking. He was a knight, much like Madeleine had been--the head of his own House--but he always came off too standoffish for Espresso's own liking. He remembered Madeleine commenting on it ages ago--the pot calling the kettle black.

"I'm here to deliver a message," Raspberry Shortcake said firmly, his tone about as curt as Espresso came to expect.

"A message?" Espresso narrowed his eyes himself, tilting his head and settling a hand on his hip, scoffing. "I didn't realize that Knight Commanders were expected to deliver letters. What a way to thank you for your service, relegating you to be a mere postman."

"I didn't come here to be talked down to by some wanna-be alchemic prodigy inventing his own branch of half-baked Dark magic," Raspberry Shortcake snapped back immediately. "Don't overstep your boundaries, Espresso Cookie. You seem to forget that not every Knight Commander is Madeleine."

Espresso clenched his jaw, a sharp wave of anxiety and nerves slicing its way through his body. Perhaps Madeleine was right in his assessment--the pot was indeed calling the kettle black.

"Give me the message and then leave me to my work," he hissed, crossing his arms. "I don't have the time to waste explaining that Coffee magic is not the same as Dark magic, in spite of what others may see. It's far more precise than most--"

"I don't care," Raspberry Shortcake growled, shoving a letter into Espresso's chest. The contact made him stiffen, taking a step back, making an affronted noise. "You've been summoned by Commander Scotch. Apparently he wants to talk to you about Madeleine Cookie."

"Still buttering up to your elders, I see," Espresso retorted, snatching the letter away and cracking the seal with little regard for the scowl on the other cookie's face. "It's no wonder you've allowed yourself to be promoted to postman."

"And it's no wonder your work isn't recognized for the era-changing impact it has on the study of magic," Raspberry Shortcake sneered back. "You dedicate your life to this pursuit, and I spent thirty minutes of my evening delivering a letter. Who really lost in this argument here?"

"You did." Espresso glared at him, fishing out the letter from the envelope and flicking it open. "Unlike you, my work has a purpose. But thank you, Raspberry Shortcake Cookie, for this unwelcome interruption. Good night."

Raspberry Shortcake scoffed, turning on his heel. The last thing he saw before he closed the door was the cookie's back before locking it and turning back to his lab, frowning down at the letter dispassionately.

[mobiuslakes]

What are your thoughts on Netero’s morality? Like in contrast to popular fanon? I see people say he’s awful because he’s willing to put kids in danger but then I see people imply the poor man’s rose was a necessary evil (which is an extremely tone-deaf, American take when you consider people say that to justify Hiroshima and Nagasaki, which the act has obvious illusions to). Additionally, the morality with him being fine with the DC exhibition as long as he’s not alive to see it?

i’m not interested in picking which hell he goes to, but i can give you thoughts.

child endangerment, general endangerment

not a single character in this series objected to gon and killua taking the hunter exam on the basis of safety. netero spurring them on and allowing them to join the extermination team is a difference of degree. how you'll feel about that depends on whether you accept the narrative's premise that being a hunter is worthwhile self actualization for overpowered middle schoolers.

the mission is still clearly out of their league, but the only in universe objections (bisky, ging) are made on pragmatic, not moral grounds. 

i think what gets lost is that netero's extreme challenges are not out of cruelty, apathy, or even stringent expectations. we see him chiding menchi into giving the examinees she failed another chance, slowing the airship so gon can rest, being shamed by komugi's fatal injury, refusing to be spared as a "worthy" human if it means the rest are kept as livestock, making the dark continent taboo when hunters die imitating him. 

he is simply insane. he whole heartedly believes in pushing oneself to the very limits, earning the disapproval and incredulity of colleagues who are extreme outliers themselves. 

as well as their admiration, devotion, and respect. 

poor man's rose

while the rose is an unambiguous allusion, netero's use of it is in deliberate contrast to that kind of situation; he hired zeno to lure meruem out into the desert for single combat warfare. the logic of killing meruem to save a greater number of human lives is the same whether it's by the bodhisattva or a bomb.

some reactions from japanese fandom: discussing why the rose wasn't used sooner, more strategic uses of it, the bomb as a ploy to halt power inflation, relevance of the fukushima disaster (which happened between the releases of chapter 310 and 311)

detonating the rose is evil because the rose shouldn't even exist. its sole purpose is to metastasize death, and making that the instrument of your salvation—with that scale of poisonous history—would mean the loss of all your justification and humanity.

as the extermination team fights for the cause of humanity, they repeatedly cause the detriment of one particular human. komugi is injured during the initial assault, she’s used as a hostage, and finally, she’s the sole noncombatant to die by the rose’s toxins.

palm and ikalgo hiding her from meruem is what prompts this line:

were these actions “necessary” if your only concern is survival? could a better diplomat than netero have talked meruem into respecting human life? 

it’s not clear. 

it might have taken the shock of being on the verge of death, only able to find the person he loves at someone else’s mercy, to stop seeing all other individuals as inferiors.

it's understandable that netero didn’t want to chance it with 5 million people waiting to become super soldiers or corpses in a matter of hours. however, you can absolutely fault him for letting it get to that point, for not being decisive until after the king was born. i wouldn’t go so far as to say he was only thinking of the ultimate fight, but his arrogance and carelessness has a body count.

dc expedition

speaking of body counts, netero’s concern for the welfare of the association and its members is ultimately outweighed by his ambitions for the same. sure, he can’t stop anyone from going once he’s dead, but he made his last request a competition against his son. it’s selfish, as he admits. but it’s a decision to be made by his successors, not him, and cheadle sighing that she has no choice is her choice.

ging and pariston arguing over #WWND is a continuation of the zodiacs bickering over netero’s will in the previous arc. it’s a paradoxical argument—netero can’t be in the position of acting on his own legacy—because even netero’s stated wishes are less important then what his followers see in him. in short, his opinion on the expedition from the grave is less important than the cumulation of the myriad and contradictory actions he took during his life. 

as for the scramble for resources, it’s difficult to tell whether he would have anticipated the change in international policy or cared about it. so far there’s been few details about the nature of past expeditions and the exact plans for this one. there’s a lot to wait on in that department.

[otp-armada]

If Jason wanted to convince me that Lxa was the love of Clarke's life, he wouldn't have killed her off, effectively cutting their love story permanently, with 4.5 seasons left of the show. Their arc, starting with their introduction in 2x07 and concluding with L's death in 3x07, is 17 episodes long, accounting for 17% of the entire narrative. If I generously add 3x16 to the count, an episode in which L is already dead in the corporeal world Clarke is trying to return to, it's a whopping, grand total of 18%. An 18% congruous with Clarke's intense connection to Bellamy and vice versa, which even A.lycia confirmed as romantic. Feelings romantic enough to spur the formation of a love triangle. An 18% ignoring Clarke's ultimate choice to go back to her people when L wanted her to stay.

CL is a chapter in the story begun and wrapped up in the first half of the narrative. And that's omitting further illumination on the finer details making CL so problematic for Clarke. Do you expect me to believe it was coincidental for CL to occur at a time when Clarke was spiraling down a dark path, commencing with Finn's death? Who played a hand in forcing Clarke's own hand, with Finn, and TonDC, and Mount Weather? Whose example inspired her to ensnare herself in armor and warpaint to be strong enough to save her people? Whose behavior did she emulate in the pushing away of support from her people? Who gave her a place to continue hiding from Bellamy, her mom, and her friends? A place to be someone other than Clarke Griffin? In lieu of facing her fears like the heroine she is? The purpose of CL wasn't to provide Clarke with a magnificent, fairy tale romance gone tragically wrong. I believe Jason's intent with the relationship aimed to further damage Clarke's psyche after L's death, to solidify the belief that her love is not only deadly to its recipients but renders her too weak to do what must be done for survival.

After 3x16, CL is an often superfluous namedrop or two per season for Clarke to briefly react to before carrying on with the plot. Season 5 aside, most of these references are needless enough to be able to interpret them as attempts at reparations for the L/CL fandom's benefit -and their views- without altering the course of the story. Crazy me for thinking it's not enough to constitute an ongoing love story. Crazy me for not thinking this was on par with interactions between living characters. Crazy me for thinking it doesn't befit a love story for the protagonist.

This sliver of the story is what Jason and the CLs would have us unquestionably believe is the pervasive love story of The 100's seven seasons?

Despite his lie and the constant gaslighting from the pineapple CLs, some of us know how to decipher what a temporary love interest is. Lxa? I think you know where I'm heading with this.

I'll acknowledge my admittedly negative appraisal of CL as someone who recognizes its value to the LGBT+ community and treats it as valid while not caring for L/CL on a narrative level. I felt, when swayed by L's influence, Clarke became the antithesis of what I found admirable about her. I resented Clarke's acquiescence of her power to the commander. I wanted nothing more than to remove the wedge L had driven between Clarke and Bellamy.

Let me try to give L/CL the benefit of the doubt for a minute. I don't hold L as responsible for Clarke's choices, but I recognize the prominent role she played in their upbringing. The push and pull was an intriguing aspect of their dynamic, as was the chance to meet a manifestation of who Clarke might have been if she was all head, no heart. Her fall from grace was arguably necessary for her to be a fully-rounded character, not a Mary Sue. It wouldn't be realistic for the protagonist of a tragic story about a brutal world to be a pure cinnamon roll. When forgiveness is an innate theme with Clarke, it would be my bias at work if I was content with her applying it to everyone but Lxa. Clarke saw enough commonalities between her and L to identify with the latter. When she extended forgiveness to L, I believe it was her way of taking the first step on the path to making peace with herself by proxy. None of this means I wanted them paired up. At best, I made my peace with seeing the relationship through to its eventual end. In time for L's death, ironically. My passivity about them notwithstanding, my conclusions are, however, supported by canon.

If I may submit a Doylist reason for romantic CL? Jason knew he had a massive subfandom itching to see them coupled, thereby boosting ratings and generating media buzz. A Watsonian reason? Without relevance, I think L would have been another Anya to Clarke. Grapple shortly with the unfair taking of a life right as they choose to steer towards unity, melancholy giving way to the inconvenience of the loss of a potential, powerful political ally. Romance ensured her arc with L would have the designated impact on Clarke's character moving forward in the next act.

For a show not about relationships, Jason has routinely used romantic love as a shorthand for character and dynamic development. It's happened with so many hastily strung together pairings. And when it does, everyone and their mother bends over backward to defend the relationship. It's romantic because it just is. Didn't you see the kissing? Romantic.

No, The 100 at its core is not about relationships, romantic and otherwise. But stack the number of fans invested exclusively by the action against those of us appreciating a strong plot but are emotionally attached to the characters and dynamics. Who do we think wins? Jason can cry all he wants over an audience refusing to be dazzled solely by his flashy sci-fi.

Funnily enough, "not about relationships'' is only ever applied to Bellarke. Bellarke, a relationship so consistently significant, it's the central dynamic of the show. The backbone on which the story is predicated. Only with Bellarke does it become super imperative to represent male-female platonic relationships. As if Bellarke is the end all, be all of platonic friendship representation on this show. In every single television show in the history of television shows.

Where was this advocacy when B/echo was foisted upon on us after one scene between them where he didn't outright hate Echo? When one interaction before that, he nearly choked the life out of her. If male-female friendship on TV is so sparse, why didn't B/ravens celebrate the familial relationship between Bellamy and Raven? Isn't the fact that they interpret Clarke as abusive to Bellamy all the more reason to praise his oh-so-healthy friendship with Raven as friendship? They might be the one group of shippers at the least liberty to use this argument against Bellarke, lest they want to hear the cacophony of our fandom's laughter at the sheer hypocrisy of the joke. Instead, they've held on with an iron grip to the one sex scene from practically three lifetimes ago when the characters were distracting themselves from their feelings on OTHER people? They've recalled this as "proof" of romance while silent on (or misconstruing) the 99% of narrative wherein they were platonic and the 100% of the time they were canonically non-romantic.

Bellarke is only non-romantic if you believe love stories are told in the space of time it takes for Characters A & B to make out and screw each other onscreen, a timespan amounting to less than the intermission of a quick bathroom break. If it sounds ridiculous, it's because it is. And yet, some can't wrap their heads around the idea that maybe, just maybe, a well-written love story in its entirety is denoted by more than two insubstantial markers and unreliable qualifiers. B/raven had sex, and the deed didn't fashion them into a romance. Jasper and Maya kissed but didn't have sex. Were they half a romantic relationship? Bellarke is paralleled to romantic couples all the time, but it counts for nothing in the eyes of their rival-ship fandom adversaries. Take ship wars out of it by considering Mackson. Like B/echo, the show informed us that Mackson became a couple post-Praimfaya, offscreen, via a kiss. Does anyone fancy them an epic love story with their whisper of a buildup? Since a kiss is all it takes, as dictated by fandom parameters, we should.

If Characters A & B are ensconced in a romantic storyline, then by definition, their relationship is neither non-romantic nor fanon. "Platonic" rings hollow as a descriptor for feelings canonically not so.

If the rest of the fandom doesn't want to take our word for granted, Bob confirmed Bellarke as romantic. Is he as delusional as we are? Bob is not a shipper, but he knows what he was told to perform and how. Why do the pineapples twist themselves in knots to discredit his word? If they are so assured by Jason's word-of-god affirmation, then what credibility does it bear to have Bellarke validated by someone other than the one in charge? They're so quick to aggressively repudiate any statement less than "CL is everything. Nothing else exists. CL is the only fictional love story in The 100, nay, the WORLD. CL is the single greatest man-made invention since the advent of the wheel."

We've all seen a show with a romantic relationship between the leads at the core of the story. We all know the definition of slowburn. We can pinpoint the tropes used to convey romantic feelings. We know conflict is how stories are told. We know when interferences are meant to separate them. We know when obstacles are overcome, they're stronger for it. We know that's why the hurdles exist. We know those impediments often take the shape of interim, third-party love interests. We know what love triangles are. We know pining and longing.

Jason wasn't revolutionary in his structure of Bellarke. He wasn't sly. Jason modeled them no differently than most other shows do with their main romances. Subtler and slower, sure. Sometimes not subtle at all. There's no subtlety in having Clarke viscerally react to multiple shots of Bellamy with his girlfriend. No subtlety in him prioritizing her life over the others in Sanctum's clutches. In her prioritizing his life above all the other lives she was sure would perish if he opened the bunker door. There is no subtlety in Bellamy poisoning his sister to stave off Clarke's impending execution. In her relinquishing 50 Arkadian lives for him after it killed her to choose only 100 to preserve. In her sending the daughter Clarke was hellbent to protect, into the trenches to save him. In him marching across enemy lines to rescue her. In her surrender to her kidnapper to march to potential death, to prevent Bellamy's immediate one. No subtlety in Josie's callouts. No subtlety in Lxa's successful use of his name to convince Clarke to let a bomb drop on an unsuspecting village. Bet every dollar you have that the list goes on and on.

There are a lot of layers to what this show was. It was a tragedy, with hope for light at the end of the tunnel. It was, first and foremost, a post-apocalyptic sci-fi survival drama. Within this overarch is the story of how the union of Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake saves humanity, ushering in an age of peace. In this regard, their relationship transcended romance. But with the two of them growing exponentially more intimate each season, pulled apart by obstacles only to draw closer once again, theirs was a love story. A romantic opus, the crescendo timed in such a way that the resolution of this storyline -the moment they get together- would align with the resolution of the main plot. Tying Bellarke to the completion of this tale made them more meaningful than any other relationship on this show, not less.

Whereas the trend with every other pair was to chronicle whether they survived this hostile world intact or succumbed to it, Bellarke was a slowburn. A unique appellation for the couples on this show, but not disqualifying them from romantic acknowledgment.

Framing Bellarke in this manner was 100% Jason's choice. If he wanted the audience to treat them as platonic, he should have made it clear within the narrative itself, not through vague, word-of-god dispatches. A mishandled 180-degree swerve at the clutch as a consequence of extra-textual factors doesn't negate the 84% of the story prior. It's just bad writing to not follow through. And Jason's poor, nearsighted decisions ruined a hell of a lot more than a Bellarke endgame.

The problem is, when Bellarke is legitimized, the pineapples are yanked out of their fantasies where they get to pretend the quoted exaggerations above are real. Here I'm embellishing, but some of them have deeply ingrained their identities in CL to the degree where hyperbole is rechristened to incontestable facts. An endorsement for Bellarke is an obtrusive reminder of the not all-encompassing reception of their ship. A lack of positive sentiment is an attack on their OTP, elevated to an attack on their identity. Before long, it ascends to an alleged offense to their right to exist. The perpetrators of this evil against humanity are the enemy, and they must attack in kind, in defense of themselves.

Truthfully, I think it's sad, the connotation of human happiness wholly dependent on the outcome of a fictional liaison already terminated years ago. I'm not unaware of the marginalization of minorities, of the LGBT+ community, in media. I haven't buried my head in the sand to pretend there aren't horrible crimes committed against them. I don't pretend prejudice isn't rampant. When defense and education devolve into hatred and libel for asinine reasons, though, the line has been crossed. You don't get a free pass to hurt someone with your words over a damn ship war. No matter how hard you try to dress it up as righteous social justice, I assure you, you're woefully transparent.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

OC-tober Day 2: Glass

OC-tober prompts put together by @oc-growth-and-development​! I have to ramble in meta instead of write, because my brain is Mush lately. (I know I’m behind but I have a lot pre-written, I just need to put it into coherent words!)

This one especially can be rambled about at length, because the most important “glass” object in my stories is one I greatly enjoy exploring: Dove’s mindscape mirror!

^ I drew it forever ago; here’s the deviantArt link if you’d like to see the big version! 

https://www.deviantart.com/ravenshiddensoul/art/Dove-s-Keepsakes-Mirror-and-Box-284227087

It’s largely modeled after a bird stretching its wings upwards, with a handle like a tail and certain details are inlaid with Azarathean gold to better channel its magics.

Now, this is where the rambling begins: The mirror’s backstory, and I’ll be exploring one of my favorite things to develop in all of my stories: Dove’s mindscape!

Dove's mirror isn't one of her most prized possessions, nor super incredibly sentimental, but it IS an object touched with her mother's magic, it has flourishes of Azarathean gold (some of the last pieces to exist), and it's useful for introspection and self-soothing, so it does have some value and importance.

Dove struggled with meditating quite a lot as a child, and there was only so much her mother could do to help. Meditation was pretty important to them as both a means of helping Dove control her powers, and as a staple of Azarathean spirituality. As she so often did, Alerina poked around and asked enough questions around the temple that she was told about Raven's mirror, and she decided to replicate it for Dove. She custom ordered a gold-lined wooden hand mirror, and then cast the spells to connect it to Dove's inner world herself. It took a few tries (it's much harder to connect something to someone else's mind than your own, after all), but she was nothing if not determined to help her daughter, and eventually figured it out.

As for its main purpose: Self-reflection! (If you'll pardon the pun.) Dove uses it to meditate, but where Raven uses hers for centering and compartmentalization, Dove uses it more as a blend of escapism and a focusing aid.

Much like Raven's, Dove's mirror acts as a portal to the depths of her mind, and this is where it gets fun!

The vortex that transports the users is usually white and gold, imbued with the same energies that give Dove her powers, at least on her mother's side. It's noticeably touched with black and red in DDD. (Dove's evil side starts taking over her mind, and thus its energies manifest through the mindscape, and Dove's portal into it, hence: black and red energies instead.) It tends to open up like a light tunnel and almost opens the mental world around the user, rather than dragging them in.

Once inside, one can't expect to navigate the same way as Beast Boy and Cyborg did in "Nevermore". Every mind is different, after all! We saw Raven's mindscape divided nearly into emotional sections with a neutral space between them, and the way through each area was preset and linear. While different parts of Dove's internal world manifest in different "areas", they're not so totally divided and separate, and there's no real "neutral" zone except at the very "center". The scenery changes, but it's more of a gradual transition, and though Dove employs thresholds to mark key areas, they're very much just visual aids.

Dove's mindscape is laid out more like a series of rooms and courtyards in a very (very, very, very) large mansion. The ground is generally of crystal, spires and columns decorate the scenery, and the thresholds are modeled after birds with their wings outspread. (While this seems like a play on Dove's namesake, it's actually based on Azarath's architecture, particularly that of George Perez's Azarath in the 1980's New Teen Titans comics.)

Dove's sky shows various stars and often casts moonlight from an uncertain source, particularly when she's introspecting. The ambient temperature varies amongst the locations, chilly in the regions ruled by fear and sadness, uncomfortably warm near her demon's domain, and comfortable and breezy where her peace and contentment reside.

One could easily get lost in her mindscape if they don't know where they're going. The place can shift and change on a whim.

Where Dove spends her time building that peace and contentment, it's very closely modeled after her mother's memories of Azarath (which is where she learned how to find peace, after all): there's marble and gold everywhere, and the stars twinkle with dozens of colors in the sky.

Where Dove retreats when there are feelings of timidity, her excruciating shyness, her grief and doubt, the world becomes shrouded in thick fog. Broken buildings and pale light litter the grounds.

Where she built her love for reading, for history, for creativity and study and learning, it's arranged as rooms with dark marbled tile and a carpeted path, the floor for dozens of feet on either side littered with piles of books.

Dove's inner happy place is an open field on gently rolling hills, where thoughts take the form of birds and somehow the sky holds both the stars and suns. One might find trees, flowers, abstract forms of cottages, and forts loaded with mugs and cozy cushions. If you wander far enough you'll find very tall stone walls surrounding it, because Dove's mind is such that her happiness is one of the few things she really truly believes she needs to protect from the rest of herself.

And then there are the aspects of herself that she shoves the deepest down, secreted far away from the surface: the anger, the hunger for power, the mean streak. (Yes, believe it or not, Dove does have a mean streak! You just have to work especially hard to bring it out. Or trigger her in just the right ways around sadism, violence, war, or death. It's very much Not Recommended; bringing too much of that mean streak out could mean Dove loses control of her powers, or worse: her demonic aspects.)

Those secret forces aren't so much located in one particular space of her mind as they're hidden in every dark corner, coursing through the underside of all the ground, a tantalizing power running through every part of her, only ever set free enough to use the dangerous powers to her own ends.

Her places for Fear and Curiosity in particular will be explored in the upcoming Missing: Raven rewrite. (As they're the strongest things Dove is feeling in that story, that's going to be what Beast Boy and Cyborg encounter.) I also explored the way these things manifest in DDD, and in that same story Dove will focus on rebuilding Peace in the final chapter.

I can't talk about Dove's mindscape without mentioning the "emoticlones". These fun little guys are called by the fanon term given to Raven's "emotion clones", the separate parts of her that express a specific set of traits based on particular aspects of her personality. I had so much fun playing with their voices and thoughts in Dove's head during DDD, you have no freaking idea! I also copied the concept of them having Colored Cloaks from Teen Titans canon, because honestly it's a quick and easy way to identify them, and the fandom's familiar with this system through Raven.

Which colors mean what was more inspired by details from a really old, now-defunct website called Cartoon Orbit that had separate "online trading cards" for each of Raven's emoticlones! On that site, Raven's were labeled as such, and this is what I based Dove's system on, loosely: - Pink: "Raven Happy" - Red: "Raven Rage" - Orange: "Raven Rude" - Yellow: "Raven Smart" - Green: "Raven Brave" - Brown: "Raven Fear" (I'm pretty sure there was a purple one, but I don't recall what it was called. "Love" maybe? That might be from fanon; this site was running like 15 years ago, and I was like 10 years old, so I hardly thought to pay Super Special Attention to it...)

But I digress. The point is, I adapted that system for the key aspects of Dove's unique personality, and came to understand them as follows:

- Pink: Joy, relief, coziness - Red: Cruelty, impulsivity, anger - Orange: Apathy, indifference, disregard - Yellow: Curiosity, study, intrigue - Green: Courage, determination, activity - Blue: Contentedness, pacifism, spirituality - Purple: Compassion, friendship, romanticism - Gray: Sadness, grief, longing. - Brown: Fear, fear, fear!

But for Dove's mind in particular, it's not only HER experiences and personality that form the world! She's a telepath, and though she holds others' privacy in very, very high regard and tries never to read someone's mind without their permission, her sense of receptive telepathy is ever-present. Echoes, lights, shadows, reflections of others' memories and thoughts might affect the very edges of her mind. It's a constant sense, but it only ever causes very ephemeral changes unless something deeply affects her.

Her mindscape also grows and changes as Dove grows and changes, experiences life, learns to cope, and changes how she handles her own emotions.

Most notably, the internal struggle in DDD tore her mind apart. Initially it was due to a breakdown of certainty and confidence, hastened by guilt and grief, but it soon became a deliberate tactic to wage war on the parts of Dove's mind that were trying to resist the evil; eventually her inner demon began intentionally breaking/corrupting everything it could touch.

By chapter 20, that evil is the only strong and stable thing in Dove's mind. Raven's attack to remove the evil in her took away that stability, and strength, and thus took away what was essentially the last support holding Dove's mind together. As it says in the story: "everything collapsed". Dove's mindscape was utterly destroyed, and only the most basic aspects of her remained.

For awhile, that left Dove unable to remember things clearly, or feel emotions without great pain. Rebuilding it to the point where she was able to talk and feel Mostly Normally again took months of meditation.

When Dove is kidnapped and Leyla has distressing dreams about her mother, she, Srentha, and Raven use the mirror to check on Dove by accessing her mindscape. With her powers stripped away, surrounded by people who mock her, and certain Fauni rituals sickening Dove to her soul, naturally her mind is very different: shadowy forms flitted at the edges of vision, the ground wavered, her discomfort was thick in the air and the constant fear made everything so, so cold. "Shadows" of others' thoughts flashed in and out of existence, and Dove's desperation manifests as fleeting voices on the wind. It's uncomfortable to be in her mind while she's so distressed.

It's also worth mentioning that her mindscape changes again, essentially "growing" the part of her that belongs to Love when she finally lets herself love Srentha, and it expands again when Leyla's born and Dove once more finds depths of love she didn't know she could carry.

[schmokschmok]

everything changes, nothing perishes

Fandom: The Magnus Archives

Relationship: Jon Sims x Martin K. Blackwood

Characters: Jonathan Sims, Martin K. Blackwood, Gerry Delano, Georgie Barker, Melanie King, Tim Stoker, Sasha James

Wordcount: 10.000

Freeform:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Alternate Universe - College/University

Romantic & Platonic Soulmates

Brief Georgie/Jon

Amicable Breakups

Trans Melanie King & Martin Blackwood

He/Him & They/Them Pronouns For Asexual, Nonbinary Royalty Jon Sims

HOH Tim Stoker

The Mechanisms Are The Archivist’s College Band

Summary

It’s just like Martin to get a soulmate who’s already bound to someone else.

A "the first words your soulmate says to you are written on your skin"-au but the twist is only a twist if you haven't read the first installment of the series (which is not necessary but appreciated).

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28395876

Complimentary Georgie/Melanie Fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25056415 

CN: Alcohol (mentioned), Canon-/Fanon-typical Martin Loneliness, Food (mentioned), Toxic Parent-Child Relationship (Martin’s mother)

 #1

Just got drunk and walked in.

It’s kind of a funny story, Martin supposes, what with the admission of alcohol being the catalysator and the cocky confidence of the script. When he was young, he thought about this sentence a lot, even though his idea of ‘getting drunk’ didn’t correspond to reality. (He still thinks a lot about it, but it’s not as rose-tinted anymore. Or at least he likes to think it isn’t.)

He never pictured a face or an actual voice to accommodate the words. But he thought about the tone, and the inflection, the way someone might say it with anger or arrogance or the intensity of a really great punchline.

The stories he made up were full of bravery and heroism, of drunk shenanigans and questionable decisions, of happy accidents and laughter. Fantastical in places, but realistic most of the time.

On better days he imagines a whole group of people close to him – friends – waiting for him in their favourite pub or on a patch of grass in front of the college he’s going to attend soon or in the flat of one of them. He imagines them chatting and retelling stories animatedly, laughing and talking over each other in enthusiasm and comradery. And one day there would be someone new, someone Martin would not have seen before. And in the moment, Martin would get into earshot, they would say it: Just got drunk and walked in. And it would be the start of a story about the lack of courage and the finding of it on the bottom of a bottle. Or the beginning of a tale about someone trying to do good, being all on their own, however. Or it would be the end of an adventure of nerves and worry.

Martin can see himself with someone equally as anxious as him. But he can also see himself with someone cockily declaring that they drunkenly walked into a place they shouldn’t have been in as well.

On worse days he imagines hearing the words in a crowd, only in bypassing, the source of countless daydreams and nightmares swallowed by the masses of people going on about their day without ever realising he was there in the first place.

One thing stays the same though in all of his imaginations and phantasies. In every single version Martin can think of, he falls in love with the voice before seeing their face first. It doesn’t matter if the words are yelled in arrogance and vanity or muttered self-consciously and kind of self-deprecatingly or hesitantly contemplated. He falls in love so fast and hard he stops breathing for a second then and there.

He had years upon years to build up enough expectations to know it only needs a little shove to snowball all of his fluttering endearment into the devastating, all-consuming love he was always destined to feel.

Martin is a romantic at heart and it doesn’t matter that all of his what ifs are futile and unrealistic, he’s in love with the idea of having a fairy-tale romance and that’s enough as it is. With all its daydreams and the gentle warmth in his stomach.

 #2

He doesn’t want to be lonely, really, he tries his best not to be. But it’s hard and he doesn’t know how to change it. When he still lived with his mother, she complained a lot about him being home all the time when he wasn’t working. (He shouldn’t think too much about it, she also complained a lot about him being away too much – no matter if he was out working or meeting up with somebody who could turn into a friend.)

The first two years in college didn’t change that fact at all. He was friendly with most of the people he met in his department and at the events he attended. But he wasn’t friends with them by any means. And that had always been the problem, hadn’t it? They thought he was a good lad, a nice chap, a dapper mate, a “we should hang out sometime!” and an “it’s lovely seeing you here!” but he’s not interesting to talk to. People don’t remember him because: While he can hold small talk relatively well, conversations with him tend to be one-sided. He asks the right questions, listens and reacts appropriately to the things people tell him, but he doesn’t reciprocate, can’t counter a story with a story because they’re either too personal or too embarrassing or don’t exist at all.

The first person talking often enough to Martin to make him share a few selected stories here and there is Gerry Delano. They share a single class and find themselves sitting next to each other, sharing and comparing the notes they made during the lecture. They haven’t met up outside of their shared class before, so Martin’s pleasantly surprised when Gerry asks him to come see his band the up-coming weekend.

 #3

He’s late. Because of course he is. One time. One single time he gets invited to something, so naturally he has to put in overtime. He’s at least an hour late, maybe even a little bit more. The text he shot Gerry to let him know that he’s late sits unread and unanswered in their chat and Martin feels awful.

Eventually, he reaches The Anglerfish, the small student bar just off the campus that hosts open mic nights and concerts for student bands. Gerry’s band is supposed to play tonight as the closing act; the after-act for a bigger student band Martin’s never heard of – The Mechanics? The Mech– something something. Apparently, they have a longer set than the other bands so Martin could be lucky to only have miss one or two songs of Gerry’s band.

Martin hasn’t listened to a single song of any of the bands that play tonight, so he’s not sure what to expect from the evening. Muffled music spills out of the slightly ajar windows, but he can’t make out a genre or any specific instruments, so he reaches for the handle of the door and takes a deep breath, for the last time relatively alone, then he opens the door and goes into the dimly lit entry way.

The first thing he hears are the chattering voices of people standing off to the bar and sitting at tables lining the walls, but when he dives into the crowd, simultaneously scanning it for Gerry’s lanky figure, he hears it.

“Just got drunk and walked in,” declares a voice loudly and with a manic kind of arrogance. Martin freezes in place. This is all wrong.

But he doesn’t get the chance to dwell on the fact that he heard the phrase etched into his upper thigh verbatim from someone he can’t even see, because the crowd doesn’t stop moving. Despite Martin’s need for the whole world to take a fucking breather, the people behind him shove him into the room and he tries to get air into his lungs again, but he only manages a few shallow breaths before the voice carries on and Martin realises that it has to be the singer on stage who said the most fateful words of Martin’s life.

The voice is gruff now, deeper and drunkenly confident.

Careful not to bump into too many people, Martin navigates through the crowd, trying to catch a look at the stage. In spite of his height it proves difficult and he goes further into the bar, diving into the crowd, while absolutely forgetting why he came in the first time: To meet Gerry who wanted to see the band Martin’s currently enraptured by, before playing with his band.

Finally, he manages to find a place at the far-right side of the publicum – close enough to see the stage but far enough to not stand in the way of the fans that came specifically for the band.

The song’s still going, and Martin scans the stage briefly. The band’s bigger than he expected and if it weren’t for the sheer presence of the person standing front centre stage, clutching the retro silver microphone with only one hand, Martin’s sure he’d have to look at every member of the band to determine who he’s looking for.

Adjusting his glasses, he attempts to take in every detail he can but he’s pretty far off and he can’t see everything he wants to. The things he can see are their long brown hair, dishevelled and laced with braids to keep it from falling into their face, goggles perched on their head like a headband; the dark brown skin of their face and hands and the lower half of their left arm; the black paint around their eyes, rampant like ivy roots; the black nail polish on the hand holding the microphone; the white linen shirt underneath the muddy brown waist coat, a dip hem skirt in the same soily brown over fishnet stockings and heavy brown boots with at least four or five centimetres of heel.

Their voice sounds like it’s made to narrate and yell and sing and– well, talk, actually. It sounds like a voice Martin would love to talk to and listen to and wake up to and– shit. This is bad and, did he mention, this is all wrong.

A narration begins and Martin realises all of a sudden that it took one measly song for him to lose all dignity and sense of appropriateness and instead win all of the love at first sight he dreamt of but didn’t anticipate to, well, suck so much.

He can’t have a crush on someone like, like that! Someone beautiful who carries themselves with ease and swagger and confidence. Until now he thought he could do this, you know, meeting his soulmate and instantly falling in love and maybe even talk to them like a civilised human being. But he was wrong, god was he wrong! He can’t talk to that ethereal being in fishnets. This is, wow, this is so far out of his comfort zone, he involuntarily takes a step back.

The only reasonable explanation is that he must have misheard the narration, must have missed a quintessential detail of what happened. Or it’s a very strange coincidence, his soulmark isn’t the most non-sensical sentence, there’s probably plenty people out there being able to say the exact same sentence. He just hasn’t met them yet.

Still, he can’t avert his eyes, he’s transfixed on the stage, listening to the, to be embarrassingly frank, horribly hot voice laying down the events leading to Oedipus’ Trial of Wits. Everything except the stage steps back and Martin’s brain singles out the band. The elbows touching him and the feet stepping on his don’t feel as real anymore, or maybe he’s less real in this weird interspace of knowing your soulmate or crushing on a complete stranger with the intensity of a thousand burning suns.

But there is no way to know, is it? He can’t go back and enter the bar again, consciously heeding the sentence that caused his distress. The only things he can think of doing are either getting to know the singer, who introduces himself as Jonny d’Ville just a few songs later, which is pretty creepy and Martin doesn’t want to do that – or he has to attend the next concert (or next concerts?) to determine if he merely misheard which doesn’t seem like a better alternative, if Martin’s honest.

So, still unsure what he should do next, he focuses on Jonny d’Ville and the way he gestures while narrating and singing like he’s winding his thoughts forth; the way he sits down during the songs he’s not involved in; the way he can���t hold back when Marius von Raum sings the part of Herakles and he mouths the words excitedly before jumping back to the microphone to sing the part of Zeus; the way he uses a single drumstick to beat the drum and holds the harmonica; the way he draws a steam punky gun and flourishes it like a natural extension of his arm.

“I’ve been looking for you!”

Gerry’s voice is so close to his ear, that the sudden proximity startles him more than the actual talking to him, or at least that’s what he tells himself. He’s not far gone enough to admit, even if it’s just to himself, that he was captivated by the band so much that he didn’t even realise that they neared the end of their act.

“D-Didn’t you get my text?” Martin yells back, leaning back, out of Gerry’s personal space. “Had to put in overtime and when I got here, I couldn’t find you.”

Gerry waves dismissively and shouts back: “Well, I found you at last, we’re up next!” He grins self-consciously and nods towards the stage. “Don’t really wanna get up after them but the crowd’s hyped up so maybe they’ll accept us as one of them.”

Even though his gaze flickers to the stage multiple times, Martin succeeds in looking at Gerry and smiling encouragingly. Then he says: “You’ll do amazing, Gerry. Don’t worry.”

While Gerry opens his mouth, the last notes of Elysian Fields carry through the bar and applause rings out. Jonny d’Ville takes a step forward, basking in the applause of the crowd and chugging water from a half litre bottle. As the applause dies down a bit, he lifts the microphone up again and exclaims: “Thank you! Thank you! Now, we are aiming to put that on CD, ehh, sometime around July. It won’t be exactly the show that you saw, this is, well, this is the debut. This’ll be refined and processed, et cetera, et cetera.” He bows outlandishly. “But if you want to help with that occurring – and you know you do – there is a crowdfunding, an indiegogo page, uhm, for this, uh, CD, there’s lots of,” he fumbles for words, “lovely perks from dice to patches and all sorts of brilliant things. So, go there, give us all your money.” The crowd laughs. “And then we will make a CD and we will send you the CD and you can listen to this to your heart’s content, uhh,” the crowd cheers again, “but thank you so much for coming!” He gives a few more thanks, then he says. “We’re going to, well, we’re going to leave you, uhm, with one quick final song and I think you probably know which one. So, sing along if you know the words.”

And the crowd knows the words.

Involuntarily, Martin steps back, overwhelmed by the sheer energy that erupts because of the people around him jumping up and down, yelling the lyrics to Drunk Space Pirate.

After that, it doesn’t take too long for The Mechanisms to clear the stage off their instruments and The Black Eyed Keays to set up their own act. Gerry comes out, hand gripping the neck of his electric guitar harder than necessary, knuckles lighter than the rest of his tan hand. His band is composed of five members including him, Martin’s yet to meet them.

Before he can start really looking at the other four musicians, he can see Ashes o’Reilly coming through the makeshift curtain separating the backstage area from the public. They goe straight to a woman standing off to the side, while politely dismissing people congratulating them and trying to involve them into conversation. As Martin averts his eyes because it seems like a private moment, he sees Jonny d’Ville leaving the backstage area, pulled through the curtain by Raphaella, their hands intertwined.

Something in Martin halts, something that had been on edge for the last hour or so, something that seemed to only be satisfied by the crushing reality of his potential soulmate holding the hand of someone other than him. (They could be friends, Martin knows that, he’s not that dense to think that everyone holding hands has to be romantically involved with each other. But it doesn’t stop him in the slightest of thinking that he wants to be in the place of holding Jonny d’Ville’s hand. He doesn’t even know the real name of the guy and already wants to hold his hand. Pathetic. And definitively creepy.)

Shaking his head to remind himself that he’s here for Gerry and The Black Eyed Keays, he turns away from Jonny d’Ville and Raphaella stopping at the bar, but out of the corner of his eyes he catches sight of Raphaella wrapping her arms around Jonny d’Ville’s waist.  

 #4

As far as Martin can tell, it’s going well for him, wonderful even, just perfectly fine. He realised today that he hadn’t spent too much time wondering about The Mechanisms or Jonny d’Ville in the past few months and he’s rather proud of himself for not obsessing. His shift ended a tad early today, he didn’t have any costumers that grinded his nerves, the night provided him with a good eight-hour long sleep, and he didn’t even have nightmares.

This is the literal incorporation of a good day. Martin doesn’t have too many of them, so he tries to really bask in the feeling, who knows how long it’s going to last.

On the way out of the Ceaseless Watcher, he picks up two cups – one filled with black coffee and one with a herbal-fruit tea blend – and starts walking to the patch of grass in front of the Jonah Magnus’ University where he’s supposed to meet Gerry. Careful not to spill coffee or tea or burn himself, he clenches one of the cups between his forearm and his chest, while he fumbles for the phone in his pocket.

For a second, he contemplates coming to a halt to text Gerry that he’s on his way, but he doesn’t want to stop, being in the momentum already. While concentrating on proper (or at least somewhat comprehensible) grammar and typing the right letters, he’s paying a little less attention to the way as he should. Of course, he notices the change of underground from the hard-stomped way underneath the trees to the openness and softness of the grassy patch. But, actually, that’s about it. It’s not too crowded because it starts to be too cold outside to properly hang out, so he doesn’t even have to navigate through groups of students.

The thing is: Martin doesn’t really think something (or someone) could cross his way, so he doesn’t even try to pay attention to the area around him. And that’s why he doesn’t reckon with the incredibly inauspicious sounding crinkling when he steps on something that is decidedly not lawn.

Martin stops dead in his track, draws a shaky breath and wants to say anything (like an apology probably), but the only words leaving his mouth are a softly whispered: “Oh no.”

The words of apology are stuck in his throat and he doesn’t dare look up from the sketchpad he stepped on unintentionally. Right on top of a study of the two statues in front of the academic museum of arts is a rather perfect imprint of the sole of his boot. Martin swallows.

“You cannot be serious,” drawls a voice that makes heat rise in Martin’s cheeks – out of shame and recognition all the same.

As if the voice had snapped Martin out of a stupor, he rushes to say: “Oh, god, I am so sorry.” Shoving his phone into his coat pocket and setting down the two cups, he crouches and starts to wipe at the now slightly damp paper, more apologies tumbling from his lips.

“Alright!” The voice cuts him short, impatiently. “Stop it. It’s alright. Don’t bother.”

Two hands reach for the sketchpad, taking it out of Martin’s hands without further ado.

“I’m really sorry,” Martin says again, still not daring to look into the face of the person he just ruined the day for. Instead, he’s looking at their hands – one of them pulling the sleeve of a jumper or hoodie out of the sleeve of their coat and over their other hand to gently dab at the paper that already starts to get wavy where Martin’s boot hit it.

The person who is definitely not Jonny d’Ville (because Jonny d’Ville is a stage name and Martin doesn’t know who the human being in front of him is) retorts curtly: “I gathered as much.”

“Is it …”, Martin interrupts himself, shifting his weight so that he’s sitting on his heels instead of the balls of his feet. “Was it important?” He scrunches his nose. “I mean, I didn’t– didn’t destroy, like, a project for a course you’ve been working on for months, did I?”

“No,” they reply but their tone suggests otherwise. “It’s not … It’s nothing.”

They stop dabbing at the paper and Martin realises that they’re looking at him now and that it would be the polite thing to look back. It costs him approximately a metric shit ton of effort to lift his eyes and meet theirs. But he manages. (Just about.)

Martin regrets his decision to meet their eyes at approximately the same time that he can start making out the details of their face that he hadn’t been able to see in the dim light of The Anglerfish and the distance between him and the stage. It’s the exact same moment that Martin realises that they are as beautiful as Martin thought they would be. In a more reigned in and moderated kind of way – their hair confined in a bun, their face not painted with ivy roots but dotted with circular scars, and their outfit more suitable for daily use – but nonetheless beautiful.

“It doesn’t look like it’s nothing,” Martin says softly, and he doesn’t know where he’s getting the courage from. (Probably nowhere, he’s not exactly thinking as it is. And ‘not thinking’ is not the same thing as conjuring up courage.)

A scoff slips past their lips and they reply: “It is, though. And even if it wasn’t: I don’t see how this could be of any concern to you.”

Martin averts his eyes and looks down at the two cups he placed next to the place where the sketchpad had previously lain. The shock of already having his foot in his mouth is probably the reason why Martin just goes on: “If I want to make it up to you, I need to know just how bad my clanger was.”

His gaze flickers back to their face and takes in the steep corrugation between their drawn together brows.

Slowly, they say: “You don’t have to make it up to me.” They look almost appalled at the thought, and Martin’s not sure if he should be offended on his behalf or theirs. (Does he look like someone who ruins peoples work and then walks away? Or did nobody ever thought about righting their wrong when interacting with them?)

“I know I don’t have to,” Martin retorts, then he backpaddles and tries to correct himself: “I mean, you don’t seem like someone who’d enforce rectification but … I want to.” He swallows around the lump in his throat. “Make it up to you, that is.”

“Oh,” they say softly, and Martin thinks that they seem like they didn’t even notice they said anything at all. Absentmindedly, their left hand fiddles with the hem of the maybe-sweater-maybe-hoodie sleeve still pulled over their right hand.

“This was absolutely and entirely my fault,” Martin says when they don’t speak up again. “So, if it would be alright with you, I would like to, I don’t know, buy you a coffee?” The blush on his cheeks intensifies because he knows what this could look like. But someone like them would never even consider that someone like Martin could hit on them, so he tries not to dwell on that thought for too long. “I work at the Ceaseless Watcher, so, you could drop by and get a coffee on the house?”

Martin attempts a smile but it’s a rather weak one. The palms of his hands are clammy and a little numb, but he doesn’t dare wiping them on his trousers to get rid of the feeling.

“Are you working on Thursday?”

In all honesty, Martin didn’t reckon they would actually agree. Much less on the first go. (Such things don’t happen to Martin. He is never lucky enough that things just work out.)

“I– uh, yes,” Martin rushes to say before they can think about changing their mind. “Five to eleven.” An owlish blink in Martin’s direction. “P.M.”

“Good,” they say, both hands now lying flat on their sketchpad. “Then I will see you on Thursday.”

Martin takes this as his cue to stand up and leave, and it takes him almost ten whole minutes until he realises that he doesn’t even know the name of the person he had just met. And it takes him almost five more minutes of self-loathing and -pity until he remembers that they will see each other again. Next Thursday.

Maybe one time everything can work out for Martin. Just one time.

#5

It doesn’t work out for Martin.

It doesn’t work out for Martin, so obviously and severely, that Martin genuinely thinks about hiding in the employee’s bathroom so that Jane can take over the register and deal with the slowly trickling in students of the Jonah Magnus Institute.

Jon (that’s his name, Jon without an H, it’s short for Jonathan, narrowed eyes at Martin’s name tag, Martin) has a girlfriend that is beautiful like a flower meadow in full bloom underneath the blue open sky. But they don’t just look great together (and they do, Martin’s perfectly and painfully aware of that fact), they seem to get along greatly, too. (Which is good! It’s not like Martin’s begrudging someone’s happy relationship or anything. It’s more like … he envies it? Envies the apparent ease and comfortability that come with knowing someone intimately for a long time. Envies the way they lean into each other and share private smiles. Envies the look of contentedness and trust when they look at each other. – Or maybe he’s overanalysing things he has never been part of. Eternally condemned to an etic approach to romantic relationships.)

Today, however, Martin wants to flee the scene because Jon looks livid and Georgie’s attempts to calm him down seem rather futile. They’re barely in earshot when Jon hisses: “I still don’t understand why you invited her along.”

“It’s not every day that you meet your soulmate,” Georgie replies soft spoken and with an exasperation that implies that it’s not the first time she has said this sentence to him. “And I won’t let you antagonise her just for the sake of it. At least get to know her. If she’s as bad as you think she is, you get to tell me that you told me so and I’ll back off.” She smiles at him. “Deal?”

But she doesn’t wait for him to answer, instead she turns to the counter where Martin’s been standing the whole time, trying to look like he hasn’t been eavesdropping, and greets him: “Hey, Martin.”

“Hi.” Martin tries to smile through the awkward glances Jon shoots him. “What can I do for you?”

“Two latte macchiatos, one decaf, one regular, and one white coffee,” she replies. While he’s ringing up her order, she continues: “And maybe if you could answer me this: Do you think Jon’s approachable?”

Martin stops dead in his tracks and Jon splutters: “Georgie!”

“What?” Her gaze flickers between an indignant Jon and the redder and redder growing face of Martin. She tilts her head in confusion and furrows her brows.

Jon hisses: “You can’t rope Martin into your schemes, you wretched thing!”

“Why not?”, Georgie questions before Martin gets to have a word in this. (Not that Martin would actively try to intervene when they’re obviously fighting about something important. Something Martin doesn’t want to think about while they’re still standing right in front of him.)

“Because,” Jon starts to say, but Georgie’s bulldozing on: “Martin is the newest addition to our squad and you brought him in, so, if anyone knows if you’re approachable or not, it’s him.”

“Martin is not a part of our friend group,” Jon says bewildered, then the realisation that Martin’s right in front of them sinks in. But the words are out in the open and the damage is already done.

“Jon!” Georgie exclaims, her voice filled with outrage (or at least something that comes close to outrage).

Martin smiles weakly and says: “It’s okay, Jon’s right. We’re not friends, or anything.”

It’s true, even though Martin had hoped that they could become friends. Or at least acquainted. Sometime in the future. (But Martin has to admit that Georgie thinking that Martin belongs to them in any kind of way – it felt nice. Nicer and bigger than it should probably have.)

“Oh,” Georgie says, brows even more furrowed than before, and a look of contemplation on her face that Martin can’t decipher. Then she shakes her head and Jane calls out for Jon and Georgie to collect their drinks.

They continue their argument while walking away, and Georgie sends him a soft smile and a wave over her shoulder before they grab their coffees and head for a table near the front of the café.

Martin tries not to look at them too much, or at all even, but he must have failed embarrassingly, because he notices Jon’s displeased face before he realises that someone has entered the café and beelines for the table Georgie and Jon sit at.

And that’s the moment Georgie’s and Jon’s conversation hits him full force. Jon’s soulmate has come into their life. Jon‘s soulmate has come into their life and the soulmate in question has just entered The Ceaseless Watcher. Which means one thing: Martin is not Jon’s soulmate.

Martin laughs lowly and self-deprecatingly and thinks: It’s just like him to get a soulmate who’s already bound to someone else. If he’d tell his mother, she’d probably tell him he had it coming without ever specifying why.

 #6

“Sounds exhausting,” Gerry says, both arms on the counter and more slumped against it than standing upright.

Martin shrugs his shoulders and says: “That’s just uni life.”

“It’s not,” Gerry retorts, pulling a face. “I’ve been lying on my bed the whole weekend, working on a few new songs. What you’re doing is the Martin way of life and, no offence, but it sounds exhausting. Three out of ten, wouldn’t recommend.”

“I kinda … take offence?” Martin’s voice goes up way too much at the end of the sentence, and Gerry waves his hand dismissively. “Did you just come by to insult me?”

Gerry grins and extends his arm to ruffle Martin’s hair (which is not something Martin expects other people to do and that’s why he doesn’t really know how to react to it), before he says: “Nah. Don’t. If it’s working for you, go ahead. – I’m here because my roommate and their girlfriend broke up, so I’m waiting for them to, I don’t know, cheer them up, I guess.”

“Oh,” Martin says eloquently. “I’m sorry?”

Gerry shrugs. “It’s alright, I think. They didn’t sound too upset on the phone.” Then his gaze falls on the giant clock on the wall behind the counter. “Should be here soon. Could you please ring up one regular latte macchiato and one decaf?”

Nodding, Martin punches the order into the register and Gerry reaches for his wallet. Then Martin steps over to the coffee machine to prepare the two different shots of espresso and heat and foam the soy-oat milk blend.

They exchange a few more quips while Gerry carries the hot beverages to a table next to the wall and gets back to the counter because they don’t want to disturb the other patrons by talking too loudly.

Gerry’s about to go on a tangent about the breaking of his G and B strings, when the bell above the door chimes and someone enters The Ceaseless Watcher.

Without intent or his own volition, a bright smile plasters itself onto Martin’s face, before he even turns towards the door – pavloved into customer friendliness – and sees Jon walk into the café. His smile falters a bit, but he manages to uphold it and greets: “Hey, Jon.”

Jon nods in reciprocation and says: “Martin, Gerry.”

“Oh, you know each other?” Martin asks, already one finger on the register to punch in Jon’s order, but Gerry’s hand makes an abortive gesture.

“Jon’s my roommate,” Gerry explains with another gesture towards the table where the two latte macchiatos wait for them. “Didn’t know you were acquainted.”

A blush creeps up Martin’s neck and he forces an embarrassed groan back down his throat. He’s torn between processing the information that Jon and Georgie broke up (apparently) and the realisation that Gerry used they/them pronouns for Jon.

“Well, we are,” Jon replies curtly and frees Martin from saying anything at all. Jon already turns to leave the counter when Martin squeezes out: “Jon, could I– would you– just a moment?”

Jon nods and Gerry walks to their table to give them a moment of privacy. But Martin doesn’t continue, because the questions that pile up in his mouth and block the way for the thing he actually planned to ask try to fight their way over his lips. Did Georgie and you really break up? Is it because of your soulmate? Are you alright? Is Georgie alright?

“Yes, Martin?” Jon looks vaguely annoyed. (Or maybe Jon looks obviously annoyed, but Martin doesn’t want to accept it because he’s a hopeless romantic and thinks that even if he is not Jon’s soulmate, Jon is still his and that must mean something, right? The universe wouldn’t be as cruel as to present Martin his soulmate only to make them hate him, right? – Yes, of course, Martin knows that soulmates don’t have to be romantic or even platonic, that a shared soulmark only means this person will have an impact on your life and that it is on them to find out what kind of impact that is. But Martin wants it to be positive. He desperately craves for it to be positive force in his life. And he doesn’t know what he’s going to do if this thing ends up being a giant fluke.)

Martin clears his throat and tries to ignore the burning behind his eyes.

“Just,” Martin swallows down everything that doesn’t have any place being in his mouth, “Gerry used they/them pronouns for you and … I don’t want to misgender you?”

Jon’s face doesn’t tell Martin anything. If Jon is pleased knowing that Gerry uses the right pronouns; if Jon is annoyed that Gerry made a capital t Thing out of Jon by using gender-neutral language; if Jon doesn’t really care either way. Jon just looks at him. It’s a bit unsettling.

“If you don’t want to talk to me about this, I get it,” Martin continues softly when Jon doesn’t say a thing and only studies Martin’s face. “You don’t have to. But I would like to, you know, respect it if you preferred a specific set of pronouns.”

Martin shrugs to shove the weight off his shoulders, but Jon’s stare turns disconcerting. Uncertainty making its way into Martin’s chest, until Jon says slowly: “I use he/him and they/them pronouns. At the moment it’s the latter.”

A nod in acknowledgment earns Martin something akin to a smile, the smallest of uplifts of the corners of Jon’s lips, and warmth spreads through Martin’s cheeks and chest.

They lift their hand in a wave goodbye until they seem to realise that they’re not actually leaving but rather sitting down at the table Gerry’s still waiting at, and duck their head in something Martin wants to call embarrassment.

For a few minutes while nobody walks up to the counter and everyone seems to be busy except Martin, Martin takes a plate out of one of the cupboards and places two pastries on it. Then, after a few pacing steps forward and back again and too much hesitation, he walks over to Gerry and Jon and places the plate on the table.

Jon opens their mouth to say something and Martin can see the questioning look on Gerry’s face. But he cuts the discussion short by blurting out: “On the house.”

In an attempt to mask the anxiety already spreading through him, Martin smiles his brightest smile, turns around and walks away. (Which: Who does something like that? Jon must suspect that Gerry has told Martin something Martin shouldn’t know about. Or they must think that Martin is an absolute court jester. And given Gerry’s face, at least Gerry suspects that Martin is not acting out of sheer courtesy.)

(Martin desperately wishes for the ground to open up and swallow him whole.)

 #7

Georgie and Jon are broken up for good, or that’s at least what Jon says to Martin. This is remarkable because of two things: First of all because it means that Jon is actually talking to Martin except for, you know, ordering coffee or awkward small talk while Martin prepares the beverage. And secondly because Martin didn’t think their split would actually last. Georgie and Jon are, even if it sounds impossible, the perfect pair and Martin isn’t sure how they managed to not be soulmates.

Since Martin tried to clarify Jon’s use of pronouns, Jon has significantly warmed up to Martin and Martin isn’t sure if it’s because of this or because Jon can’t spend as much time with Georgie anymore. (It’s not like they actually take a break from seeing each other. Gerry told Martin that Jon and Georgie went to an outing together on the same night they broke up.) Either way, Martin’s suddenly confronted with a Jon who asks him low-voiced how he’s doing and who hesitantly wants him to have a good day.

“He/him day,” Jon says instead of a greeting. He wipes sweat from his forehead and tries to tug every stray strand and wisp of hair behind his ears or underneath his hair tie – rather unsuccessfully.

Martin throws a glance behind Jon to assess the situation in the café and if he can risk leaving the counter for a moment. When he deems it safe, Martin says: “This reminds me … Wait a moment, I …”

He doesn’t finish his sentence, but instead walks into the little storage room in the back of the shop to fish a little box out of his bag and come back to the front of the café. A small blush blooming on his cheeks, Martin smiles at Jon and says: “Hey, Jon.”

Jon furrows his brow as if he hadn’t realised that he skipped an essential part of the conversation, then replies dutifully: “Hello, Martin.”

“So,” Martin begins, “I’ve been thinking. We’ve been talking about your pronouns and …” Martin trails off and presents the little box he retrieved from his bag. He opens it and showcases two braided bracelets, one in salmon pink and one in teal. “I heard about pronoun pins and bracelets? Had some yarn laying around and thought … if you want to, you could use them to indicate your preferred pronouns?”

At the end, Martin’s voice trails off and he sounds a lot less sure about his idea. His uncertainty is a mix out of ‘did I overstep’ and ‘am I too much’, but the way Jon’s furrowed brows melt into something entirely else lets Martin think that he’s not as much a burden as he feared.

Cautiously, Jon reaches for the bracelets, stopping mid-air to throw another glance at Martin who can’t stop himself from making a weird combination of nodding and shrugging.

Jon takes the two bracelets out of their box and Martin throws the empty box into a drawer underneath the counter. He runs them through his fingers, feeling the texture of the yarn and the structure of the fish braid pattern. Pocketing the salmon pink bracelet, he extends his right arm with the teal-coloured one towards Martin, asking: “Could you tie it?”

The uncoiling of the knot right underneath Martin’s midriff makes Martin smile and he takes the bracelet out of Jon’s hand to tie it around Jon’s wrist. He miscalculated quite a bit with his own wrist as reference, but he is able to comfortably wrap the bracelet around Jon’s wrist two times, before he ties it into a loose knot. The colour looks nice against the warm undertone of Jon’s skin and up-close Martin can see the smaller and bigger moles scattered across his lower arm.

Martin’s not sure if it is he who lets go of Jon’s arm first or Jon who takes his arm back, but he knows that he looks up from where he held Jon’s wrist just a few seconds ago and catches sight of Jon looking at him. It’s not a look Martin can decipher. As so often, Jon looks like he’s trying to make sense out of something Martin has said or done. (Or maybe he’s trying to make sense out of Martin as a whole. The same way Martin is still trying to grasp the essence of Jon.)

“This is really nice,” Jon says, and it sounds more like he’s turning every word three or four times before releasing it into the air between them; like he’s somehow forcing the words out after analysing and approving them, because they don’t want to be heard. But the way he cradles his wrist and the bracelet with such great care and a little disbelief shows clearly that he’s serious. Jon’s eyes snap upwards to look at Martin again, and Jon adds: “Thank you, Martin. That’s really,” he draws in a breath, “considerate.”

Not sure if he should dismiss Jon’s words or not, Martin ducks his head and turns towards the register: “Decaf or Regular?”

“Surprise me,” Jon replies with a shrug of his shoulders. Martin tilts his head in confusion and Jon clarifies: “Gerry and Georgie think I drink too much coffee, but I don’t necessarily like them interfering with my life choices, so we made the deal that every time we drink coffee together, we order one decaf and one regular and it’s a surprise who gets to drink the decaf.”

Chuckling lowly, Martin retorts: “That’s a nice tradition.”

Jon pays for his coffee and Martin turns around, reaching for the decaf beans, safely out of Jon’s sight. For the taste, he adds much more ground coffee than Elias normally allows him to use and sprinkles a bit of cocoa powder on top of the milk foam. Then he hands Jon the final product and smiles.

Their fingers almost touch when Jon takes the mug out of Martin’s hands and he starts to walk away for two and a half steps, before he turns back again and asks: “When does your shift end?”

“Oh,” Martin throws a glance at the clock behind him, “in about an hour? Why?”

Jon shifts his weight and replies: “I thought I could use a walk, and that, maybe, you could use a walk, too?”

This seems to cost even more surmounting than thanking Martin, but it fills Martin with warmth and the hope that Jon doesn’t hate him. (He should know by now that Jon doesn’t hate him, they’ve been friendly for quite a time now, but the fear that Jon [or anyone, really] could suddenly decide that Martin is too much and too overbearing is prevalent.)

He swallows all that down and says: “Yes, I’d like that.”

 #8

When Melanie and Georgie get together, Martin’s not entirely surprised. Actually, he’s not surprised at all because Jon himself has told Martin that Melanie had asked him about his feelings for Georgie. (I don’t get it, Martin, do I look like I would begrudge them their relationship? Do I look like a fragile thing that needs to be coddled? No, Gerry, shut it.) But part of Martin wonders if Jon’s really as alright with the situation as he makes it out to be. As far as Martin knows, Jon and Georgie had been dating for quite a while, and Melanie is Jon’s soulmate. It must be a horribly awkward situation to be in.

Somehow this hasn’t kept them from hanging out as a group, though. Melanie and Georgie are lying in the shadow of a tree, while Sasha and Tim rampage through the water, and Jon and Martin, they sit on the small landing stage, their feet dangling in the water.

Jon’s hand is resting right next to Martin’s and it would be so easy to reach out and grab it, to intertwine their fingers and just enjoy the weight of Jon’s hand in his. But they have never done something like this, Jon is an untouchable entity in the night sky, beautiful like the milky way but foreign and unjudgeable with his disconcerting stares and assessing questions and brutally honest words. And a mere mortal like Martin can’t just reach for the hand of a natural phenomenon like Jon Sims.

So, he takes his hands into his lap instead to keep himself from doing something ill-considered like taking Jon’s hand anyways.

For a moment, they watch Sasha and Tim, but when they head back to the picknick blanket Georgie and Jon had brought and where Georgie and Melanie are leisurely sitting, Jon indicates that they could go back to the others, too. So, they get up and walk back to the others. (Martin’s hand twitching to reach for Jon’s.)

“No way! You’re lying!” Tim’s voice is barely more than a whisper, while he’s scrubbing his hair as dry as possible with a towel.

Sasha’s hand reaches out for Tim’s ankle to direct his attention to her, and she says while signing simultaneously: “Nobody can hear shit of what you’re saying.”

“Louder?” Tim asks and it’s obvious that he tries to adjust his volume. But Sasha shakes her head. “Louder?” Sasha shakes her head again and Tim waves dismissively, before he continues to towel dry his hair.

“What’s going on?” Martin says, sitting down next to Sasha, quietly marvelling at the fact that Jon sits down next to him even though the space doesn’t necessarily allow it.

Melanie’s cheeks redden (a foreign and unsettling sight, if Martin is honest), and she seems to think about her answer for a moment, before she finally extends her legs, showcasing multiple sets of names written on her skin. Sasha’s, Tim’s, Georgie’s and Martin’s. But most prominently right in the middle Jonathan Sims in the same curvy scripture as the rest, but instead of a felt tip marker, it seems to come from under Melanie’s skin.

“Oh,” Jon says right next to Martin and Martin thinks: Oh, indeed.

That is, however, where the similarities between Jon and Martin end, because while Martin starts to panic at the obvious evidence of Melanie’s and Jon’s soulbond, Jon says: “Georgie, this is your handwriting.”

“Yes, it is,” Georgie replies cheerily, before pointing at the crook of her arm. “And you know what? That’s Melanie’s handwriting.”

“Congratulations,” Jon deadpans, but Martin can feel the rigid line of Jon’s shoulders relax.

Just for a moment, though, because Georgie says: “And you know what that means, Jon! There’s still someone out there waiting to be found by you!” And Jon is as tense as before.

“I hope not,” Jon replies, and Martin can’t help himself hoping that Jon is right. Because Melanie turning out not to be Jon’s soulmate doesn’t automatically turn Martin into Jon’s soulmate. Martin doesn’t even know what’s written on Jon’s body, and even if he knew he’s not sure he could remember the first thing he ever said to Jon.

Georgie only smiles, used to Jon’s antiques and clearly mentally occupied.

“You’re making such a big deal out of it,” Tim says while turning his C.I. back on. The volume of his voice adjusting to an appropriate level when he’s finally able to hear himself again. “Out of anything, really. Why don’t you just enjoy the knowledge that somewhere out there is someone who enjoys talking to you, like, without any obligation.”

Out of Jon’s sight, Georgie starts a countdown (three – two – one!) with her fingers, and as if she had given Jon a sign, he goes on a tangent about determinism. Martin has never been as in love with Jon.

Oh.

Oh.  

 #9

MartiniKolada: sos

MyKeaymicalRomance: what did you do?

MartiniKolada: i had an oh. oh. moment MartiniKolada: you know where you think oh. and then it hits you like oh. but it’s italic and the italicity of the moment hits you right in the face??

MyKeaymicalRomance: i don’t think italicity is a real word

MartiniKolada: italicness then??

MyKeaymicalRomance: maybe italicisation?

MartiniKolada: does it really matter???

MyKeaymicalRomance: probably not lol

MartiniKolada: as i was saying MartiniKolada: i just had the mortifying realisation that i think i love jon?? like, not likelike but lovelove?? and idk what to do, like, what WILL i do next? burst into a song or into tears??

MyKeaymicalRomance: oh, well, i think it’s probably too early to tell him

MartiniKolada: “probably” he says

MyKeaymicalRomance: well, what do you want me to say?

MartiniKolada: idk???

MyKeaymicalRomance: do you want me to come over after my class?

MartiniKolada: yes pls ))):

MyKeaymicalromance: k

 #10

It’s October, and their semester break is over in two weeks. Martin’s already dreading having to go back to courses and classes because he’s not sure if the last few weeks of seeing Jon almost every day are over if they both have to pick up work again. (The good thing is that the others will come back from their visits home. Martin doesn’t know how it happened, but he’s grown close to Gerry and Jon’s squad and actually misses them.)

Now, however, he concentrates on the fact that Jon asked if he would like to stay overnight because Gerry’s away and he doesn’t want to be alone tonight. He said It’s eerily quiet and Martin didn’t need more to say Yes, I mean, yeah, no problem, I’d love to. Because: It’s not like Martin regrets agreeing to Jon’s request, it’s more that Martin’s utterly overwhelmed with the thought that he is going to spend time sleeping in the same room as Jon. (Embarrassing, right?)

“You seem distracted,” Jon states and reaches for the mousepad to pause the film they’re watching. Or in Martin’s case: attempt to watch.

It’s not a new development that Jon and Martin sit on Jon’s bed, huddled close together, to watch a movie or play a two-player game Jon has found on his hard drive. But it being old news doesn’t prevent Martin from marvelling at the way Jon’s thin frame fits in neatly with the curve of Martin’s fat stomach and thigh. And the way Jon seems to melt into Martin over the course of one evening, almost liquified at the end, nestled into Martin in a manner that Martin couldn’t recreate if he tried to; absolutely unretractable when Martin tries to reconstruct how he could find himself in a situation like this.

“A bit,” Martin agrees, studying the cursor now resting on the nose of the protagonist. “It’s nothing.”

“If you don’t want to watch a film, we don’t have to,” Jon says and it’s only because they’ve been spending so much time together that Martin recognises the defensive tone of Jon’s voice as concern. (A few months back he would have definitively thought that he had done something wrong and that Jon is annoyed with him. And the knowledge that the anxiety coiling underneath his midriff is with great certainty unfounded and only fabricated by his own brain makes warmth spread through his whole chest.)

“No, it’s alright, really, it’s nothing,” Martin repeats placatingly, already reaching for the mousepad to unpause the film.

But Jon catches his wrist mid-air and says lowly: “I hate when you do that.”

“What?” Martin’s hand sinks until it hits his stomach, but Jon’s hand remains wrapped around Martin’s wrist as if he needed to keep Martin by his side; as if Martin could somehow muster up the volition to get up and go.

Jon’s gaze is entirely on the junction of their skin, probably focusing on the way Martin’s skin tone clashes with the salmon pink of one of the two bracelets Jon’s wearing tonight. (Or probably not because Jon doesn’t really care for things like that.)

“Well,” Jon says to Martin’s wrist, “when you say it’s nothing even though it’s clearly something.”

Self-consciously, Martin contemplates for a hot second telling Jon the truth. That he just likes being with him even though Jon doesn’t feel the same way as Martin. That he likes how they fit together like matching salt and pepper shakers. That he likes the firmness of Jon’s hand around his when Jon excitedly grabs Martin’s hand and forgets to let go again. That he likes Jon’s distracted (and to be honest distracting) soliloquies and overexcited monologues.

Being honest, however, isn’t worth the awkwardness that will most likely be the result of confessing his feelings, so Martin deflects: “That implies that you’re always telling me right away when something’s bothering you. But that’s not what you do, is it?”

Jon pulls a face. “No.” He sighs. “No, it’s not.”

Without thinking, Jon shifts the weight of Martin’s wrist in his as if he’s trying to feel for Martin’s pulse. For a moment, they’re both silent, dwelling on thoughts they’re not ready to share, yet. Or maybe only Martin’s not ready to share, yet, because Jon concedes softly: “You’re right. So, if I were to share a matter that has been on my mind lately, would it be more encouraging or pressuring for you to hear about it?”

Martin weighs both options, partially occupied with the way Jon’s still holding onto his pulse. Then he concludes: “Both, probably? I mean, it could be both.”

“Do you want me to tell you anyway?” Jon asks, lifting his gaze and focusing on Martin’s face. (Jon has this incredibly unsettling habit of looking at people at precisely those moments it’s the most disconcerting, gaze unwavering and the only thing betraying his own nervousness is the way he fiddles with the hem of his sleeves or the jittery tapping of his fingers against the fabric of his trousers.)

And since Martin can’t refuse Jon anything, he nods.

“You know, this is probably ridiculous and you’re going to make fun of me, endlessly,” Jon says, a barely visible crinkle appearing between his brows, “but Georgie said that she doesn’t understand why we haven’t kissed, yet. And it’s been on my mind ever since. Should we be kissing, Martin?”

Martin almost chokes on air. “What?” He must have misheard. Or misunderstood. Because it’s absolutely impossible that Jon said this particular string of words without any hesitation.

“Well,” Jon says, obviously growing uncomfortable, “I told her that she should stop being presumptuous, because if you would want to kiss me you would say as much. But Georgie said she wouldn’t be surprised if you were to think that I’m kiss averse as some asexual people are and that you were ‘too bashful’ to ask for clarification.” Jon breathes in and out, once, then twice. Martin’s trying hard not to mcfucking lose it. “We’ve been dating for quite some time now and I hope you’d feel comfortable enough to ask me things like that instead of assuming my stance. However, I do see now that I should put my own house in order first rather than waiting for you to say something.” The crinkle between his brows smooths out. “So, the quintessence is that I would like to kiss you, Martin, and that I would like to know if you were amenable to this idea.”

Owlishly blinking, Martin tries to make sense of all the admittedly beautiful but absolutely impossible words that Jon has said just now. He’s not sure which part he should be concentrating on and his thoughts crash into each other, tumbling onto his tongue, only to get buried underneath a new load of thoughts just a nanosecond later.

The thing that actually makes it past Martin’s stupor is: “We’ve been what?”

Jon furrows his brows again and replies slowly: “Dating.”

“And you didn’t think I needed to know that??” Martin’s voice cracks, eyes wide and cheeks reddened. The pressure of Jon’s fingers around his wrist loosens and Martin wants nothing more than to hold on dearly, but at the moment he can’t do anything but stare at Jon’s face that shifts slowly into a look of embarrassment.

“Well, I thought– I didn’t,” he groans lowly. “I thought you knew.”

“How should I have known?” Martin doesn’t really want to argue about this, but the words tumble out of his mouth, absolutely unstoppable. “Did you send me a formal enquiry? Ask me to be your boyfriend while we were doing incredibly romantic things like shopping groceries? I would have said yes, don’t get me wrong, this is not a ‘I don’t want to be dating you’ because I do very much want to date you.”

Martin’s breath goes hard, and he attempts to focus on the blush that bloomed on Jon’s cheeks sometime around the mention of Martin calling himself Jon’s boyfriend and that deepened further when Martin stressed that he wanted to be Jon’s boyfriend as well. But then Jon’s smiling. Not a barely visible lift of the corners of his lips but a genuine smile that crinkles the corners of his eyes.

“I think,” Jon says, shifting the weight of Martin’s wrist again, so he can intertwine their fingers completely, “that everything we do together is inherently very romantic. Even grocery shopping.”

“Oh, my god,” Martin tries to hold back a giggle and fails, “you’re a sap! This is unbelievable. This should be illegal.” He wriggles his other hand out of the almost non-existing space between them and cups Jon’s hand in both of his. “You can’t just spring the fact on me that we’re dating, only to change your behaviour a hundred and eighty degrees and say things like, things like that!”

“I’m only adapting,” Jon replies, lifting Martin’s hands and pulling them in close. “I thought we were taking it slow because you never made a first move, and I didn’t want to be too much.”

“Then we’re in the same boat, huh,” Martin says while he’s watching Jon pressing small kisses on Martin’s knuckles. “So, what do we learn from this, Jon? Don’t talk to Georgie about those things, come talk to me.”

Jon snorts. “You’re one to talk. I can’t count the times Gerry told me to ‘go get my man he’s pining again.’ It was embarrassing.”

“Imagine how embarrassing that is for me?! I was literally gay on main while he thought we were already dating?!” Martin makes a suffering noise at the back of his throat, but Jon doesn’t stop pressing small kisses into his knuckles, so it’s not as bad as it could be. “We need to cut ties with Gerry but that shouldn’t be a problem, right?”

“No, that’s feasible,” Jon replies. “Very sensible.” He puts down their intertwined hands. “A thing that would be very sensible, too, is telling me about the reason you were distracted earlier.”

“It seems ridiculous now,” Martin says, but Jon nudges him with his shoulder to prompt him to go on. “I just thought about how hard it is to sit next to you and not kiss you.”

Jon lifts himself up on his elbow and murmurs: “That is a lie, Martin K. Blackwood.”

“Only half of it,” Martin replies softly, before he closes the gap between them and kisses Jon with as much care as he can conjure.

(The light shove Martin gets when he asks “so, we’re boyfriends now, huh?” is definitely deserved.)

[queencamden]

Do you think that the SIX fandom has become very toxic ????

That’s rather complicated. I’m not totally well-versed in fandom drama, as the major fandoms I’ve been in previously (School for Good and Evil, Six of Crows and Three Dark Crowns) are all fairly chill. However, I have noticed that it has gotten a lot less unified as time went on. I first joined around July (before I got my account, just looking at posts) and it seemed much more supportive then.

I think the fandom has just become very DIVIDED. I, like several others, have become more in the Tudorblr community than the Six fandom at this point, and because of this I’ve noticed a big divide in terms of views of historical accuracy. (That’s the lens I will be focusing on, as I don’t care much about other discourse)

The divide between history fans and Six fans (and the toxicity within fandom this leads to) can be summarized in three main points.

1. History blogs and history-loving fans don’t understand/ are weirded out by fandomey fans.

2. Fandomey fans do not bother to consider the history.

3. Both sides are very aggressive on what they think is right.

Let’s start with the history blogs

They don’t understand the fandom

I hate to say it, but we’ve become the next Hamilton fandom: most Six fans get their info only from the show, and from this have developed their own, fandomey versions of the characters. The Anne Boleyn that the Six fandom loves is not the real Anne Boleyn. The Katherine Howard the Six fandom loves is not the real Katheryn Howard. However, (I saw a post about this once) the fandom is quite good at separating the characters from the actual people. (Most of) us know that the Angry Bible Aunt, Chaotic Heely Gremlin, The Mom Friend, The Dog-Loving Badass, The Babey-Brat, and The Sleep-Deprived Academic are NOT the Six Wives of Henry VIII. Because that is how fandom works. You take the most exaggerated versions of the characters in question and work off of them. ESPECIALLY in theatre fandoms, where most fans can’t even see the whole show. I think that’s why Theatre fandoms have a reputation for being cringy. The exaggerated, fandom versions of the characters are all they know.

I think a lot of the time, more history-focused blogs don’t get that aspect of fandom. Yes, Tudorblr has its own memey versions of these people (Anne Boleyn being extra, Henry being Garfield) but the content that they make are not solely these characters- because in the end the meme versions are characters. It’s hard for history blogs to understand that the fandom versions of the characters, are NOT what the fans actually think these people were like. This can lead to mocking, and attacking Six fans for being “dumb” or “cringy”. Certain blogs that are within the fandom that like the historical figures hate on fan blogs and that is NOT OKAY. For example, I saw a post where someone was making fun of Six the Kids, because they “would never be friends in the modern day”. Yeah..... neither would the Queens. And this is explicitly set in the universe of Six. History blogs should stop being high and mighty over fandoms having fun. HOWEVER.....

Fans don’t understand the history.

This show IS about real people. Who actually existed. In real life. And Six fans who ONLY reduce them to these characters can be very frustrating for people who are interested in the real people. Because Six is so popular the ONLY versions of these people you can often find on Tumblr are the Six versions. And I get it. Really I do. I used to be one of those Six fans who called KH “Kitty” (only for clarification purposes between the Katherines but still) and made memes about Anne being a chaotic gremlin. And then I looked up the actual history and I STOPPED. Not everyone has to go that deep, of course, or stop making these memes (most of them are very funny) but it would be good to respect the historical figures. I understand that it’s hard to do that in an incorrect quote, but maybe do what @sabrianna said in an earlier post and tag the characters as, say Katharine of Aragon- Six, so as not to clog the tags of people searching for the actual historical figure.

Like I said, the problem is not with making exaggerated versions of the queens. That is part of BEING a fandom. It’s not even a problem of using the characterizations from the show (such as chaotic Boleyn) What is the problem, is that many fans DON’T care about the history, or think they know everything about it. They make roleplays, ship the queens, e.t.c. but it’s all very out of character to the real women. I said earlier that most people can differentiate between the fandom queens and the real queens and that’s true. But some fans don’t. Some fans only know the queens from the fanon and the musical and because of that we get stuff like UwU Babey Katheryn Howard or people shipping Boleyn and Aragon, which is actually kind of disrespectful to the historical figures. At best, this leads to ire and harassment from Tudorblr, at worst to actual misinformation about the queens being spread by the fandom.

Both are overly aggressive in what they think is right

This is the big one and the major component of the “toxicity” of the fandom. Six is a musical about raising your voice, so it makes sense that it’s fans would be very outspoken. But it falls into a problem when they refuse to see the queens any other way. When it gets to people harassing others for stating differing opinions just to defend YOUR interpretation of a real person who actually lived, that is wrong. Because often your interpretation is NOT right, or at least limited. For example people who view Elizabeth and Mary as a black-and-white ‘good sister, evil sister’ dichotomy, when in reality they were both just as grey and complex as anyone else. But people will straight-up harass and argue with others who are just trying to explain that Mary’s background caused a great deal of her problems, and that Elizabeth did bad things too.

There’s just a lack of LISTENING which is a problem for a fandom based on history. (I know Six isn’t historically accurate, but a lot of fans are interested in the real queens). History is subjective. In my time researching historical!Katheryn Howard my opinion on her has changed around three to four times and that’s good. You are allowed to have multiple views on a thing, and when someone is trying to explain something to you, you don’t have to dismiss it. This goes for the history fans to. When Six fans make a factually incorrect statement, many history fans tend to condescend or belittle them which, as a Six fan, does NOT make us want to learn more. Simply telling us the true, often much more interesting, situation, DOES. Also, friendly reminder, most of the Six fandom are teenagers, and from what I’ve seen of Tudorblr it’s more of a mix of teens and adults. IF YOU ARE AN ADULT, DO NOT BELITTLE TEENAGERS FOR BEING WRONG. WE ARE ALREADY INSECURE ENOUGH.

Tldr; History fans, treat Six fans with respect, and acknowledge that their fandomey queens are not the queens you know and love. Six fans, respect the queens (and the history fans), do some research, and put *Queen’s Name*- Six in the tags, so that history blogs don’t ALWAYS have to see Six content. Both groups, respect others opinions. Stop constantly trying to prove you’re right. In the case of Six fans, you’re probably not (sorry) and in the case of history fans, most of the Six fandom are new to this and still learning.

Sorry for the long post @thedeadqueensclub I meant to have this finished a while ago. I don’t really know of any other fandom drama aside from the Tudorblr Vs. Six thing, so this is all I got for fandom toxicity (though there is definitely a lot more I haven’t covered)

I really enjoyed answering this, and would love if I got more asks (though it might take some time to answer them) It’s really nice to talk to all of you!

[bigskydreaming]

One of the biggest problems with refusing to give much acknowledgment to young Dick Grayson as having been very traumatized rather than just ‘cheered up within a couple of months after coming to the Manor, all on his own, cuz Dick’s just like that, now on with the cute Bruce and young Dick Feels with the occasional light angst of a nightmare’.....

Is fandom is really missing out on a ton of opportunities to actually explore the idea of Good Dad Bruce Wayne that so many people try to instead superimpose on his shittier moments.

Because yeah, there’s a lot of cute headcanons and fics out there about how adorable Dick was as a kid and he and Bruce being so close and Bruce being like the ideal parent and guardian to Dick.....

But like....its easy to be or at least come across as an ideal parent and guardian....when your kid is this happy, plucky, cart-wheeling spirited boy always running around full of light and laughter.

And that’s not who Dick was, when he first came to the Manor!

He was a traumatized eight to ten year old, who’d had his whole world ripped away and replaced entirely with an unfamiliar one he didn’t want.

So many people cite the line about how he didn’t want Bruce to replace his dad and that’s why Bruce waited so long to adopt him....but follow that thread back to its source.

You think grieving, has-every-reason-in-the-world-not-to-trust-strange-adults, tiny little spitfire Dick Grayson was graceful about accepting Bruce’s attempts at comfort at first, when all he wanted was his parents back, when he likely didn’t want hugs from this weird rich guy he didn’t understand, because all he wanted were hugs from his mom and dad?

Everyone’s so quick to point out adult Dick Grayson’s poor coping mechanisms and repression and tendencies to self-isolate and attempt to deal with his various traumas in less than ideal ways.....

You think those behaviors all just popped into existence for the first time on his eighteenth birthday? That he didn’t do similar things with his very early traumas, because those tendencies had already formed or were in the process of forming because of those very traumas?

My point is...

Dick Grayson was not an easy child when he first came to the Manor.

He couldn’t have been. No one could, in his shoes, and anyone who appeared otherwise would just be faking.

And hey, doesn’t that sound an awful lot like Dick Grayson behavior too?

So, the pun-slinging, mischievous, fun-loving sprite that Dick Grayson was as Robin and in his and Bruce’s most heart warming canon stories....

Was either a total cover-up job plastered over all of Dick’s trauma from the very start, meaning none of it ever got addressed or was something he ever moved past to any degree....

Or else, that happy, laughing young Dick Grayson was who he BECAME. After an actual hard, angsty, angry, occasionally self-isolating, irrational and otherwise Dick Grayson-esque road to recovery.

BECAUSE OF BRUCE.

THAT’S what this fandom is missing more than anything, if you ask me. Actual looks at the HARD early times with Dick and Bruce, where this young, inexperienced, totally in over his head Bruce Wayne who’s fast realizing he doesn’t have as much insight into this grieving child as he naively first assumed...

FIGURES IT OUT.

Day by day.

BY DOING THE WORK.

By being there for this kid through all the ups and downs. By refusing to be pushed away and shut out no matter how many times and how many ways Dick tried. By passing every test put before him by the untrusting kid betrayed by the system nominally there to protect him, who needed PROOF that there were still good people out there, still good adults, and that Bruce was one of them, that Dick could trust him, count on him, HE WASN’T GOING TO LEAVE HIM, no matter if Dick tried giving him reason to because he figured it was going to happen anyway and he wanted to get it over with.

Nothing frustrates me more - and you all know a lot frustrates me, lmao - than this implicit INSISTENCE so many people have that a young, traumatized orphan was the magic nightlight that came into Bruce’s life and transformed its drab darkness into a Disney scene as he smiled again for the first time since his parents died, at the sound of laughter....from this...young...traumatized...freshly orphaned and mistreated kid.

I’m sorry.

What?

Like, this is what it all traces back to. This is where the idea that Dick is never traumatized himself, or at least never enough so that it prevents him from doing what he’s really there to do, which is brighten everyone else’s life....

BECAUSE SO MANY PEOPLE ACT LIKE HE SOMEHOW MANAGED TO DO THAT FOR BRUCE, EVEN IN THE RELATIVE IMMEDIATE AFTERMATH OF HIS FAR MORE RECENT TRAUMA.

NO.

That is not how that worked, lmao!

That was never going to be an option for how that worked!

When you think that a recently traumatized orphan is the magic cure-all for the FIFTEEN YEARS PAST trauma of a grown adult....

SOMETHING IS NOT CLICKING THERE.

So much of fandom has it completely backwards, I maintain, and so much of what we complain about and criticize about Dick’s writing in both canon and fanon is all just ripple effects emanating out from that.

Because Dick did not brighten Bruce’s life by just being his bubbly, cheerful, adorable sunshine-y self.

Dick brightened Bruce’s life by giving Bruce a reason to CARE about having brightness in it as much as he was surrounded by darkness.

Because Bruce had spent the last fifteen years neglecting to prioritize including any brightness in his own life, for his own sake, because as far as he and his immutable survivor’s guilt were concerned, he didn’t need it, perhaps didn’t deserve it.

BUT HE REFUSED TO LET THAT BE TRUE FOR THIS KID TOO.

He may not have been willing to fight to keep his own life and outlook bright and cheery all these years, but this kid who’d endured so much tragedy in so short a time, was so lost, was so quickly fading away into scraps of nothing compared to the bright, vibrant, larger than life figure Bruce had only briefly caught a glimpse of that night at the circus BEFORE tragedy struck and the world started piling on the darkness and trying to douse that kid’s light....

Bruce was going to fight like hell to keep that from happening, to keep that child he’d only seen for the briefest of times from turning cold and aloof and bitter.

Because maybe the problem had always been that when it came to himself, he didn’t remember what it had been like before his parents died, what he’d been like. He couldn’t see, couldn’t imagine, what he was supposed to look like when he was happy, what that even was...couldn’t picture it to even have a goal that the always goal-oriented Bruce Wayne could strive towards.

But a happy, bright, beaming Dick Grayson.....

Bruce knew what that looked like. He’d seen it once, the night they first met. HE KNEW WHAT WAS POSSIBLE FOR DICK, what he could be, because he knew and remembered seeing Dick be that before...and there was a clear picture for that, a goal, something that could be aimed for, something to keep aiming for even when it seemed impossible to reach at times.

But it wasn’t impossible. Not for Dick. No matter how hard it got at times, no matter how much Dick pushed him away or tried to drown himself in darkness and shut off all feelings, armor up all his vulnerable parts where the world might sneak in and hurt him.....Bruce wasn’t going to quit because that happier Dick Grayson was out there, was still a possibility. He’d seen it, captured it in his mind, held it up in his memories as proof of purpose whenever he started to doubt himself, or Dick’s ability to recover, or his ability to be the one to help Dick recover...

But if not him, who else was going to do whatever it took to be whatever Dick needed? As far as Bruce could tell, especially in takes where the system already had its shot at doing right by Dick and demonstrated an appalling lack of giving a fuck before Bruce stepped into the ring.....nobody else but Bruce seemed to remember that happier, brighter Dick Grayson. Nobody else seemed as invested in preserving THAT version of him, keeping it alive, fanning the last dying sparks of that bright spirit as long as it took to reignite back into a blazing bonfire that would become a beacon of brightness for Bruce himself, and a whole city and at times even a whole world.

So when you can’t trust anyone else to do a job right, you do it yourself. That’s ALWAYS been Bruce’s philosophy. Hell, its the whole nature of his control freak tendencies.

So that’s what Bruce did. And nobody does stubborn like him, not even Dick Grayson, and eventually, even the angry, bitter, untrusting and totally traumatized version of himself Dick had every possibility of turning into, instead gave way to Bruce’s far more determined refusal to let that happen, and Dick was like, well fuck it, guess I’ll be happy again if you’re gonna be like that about it.

I mean, lol, not really, but you get my point.

Dick didn’t save Bruce.

BRUCE SAVED DICK.

And not by just opening up his home to him. Not by just being someone who nominally, casually, as though that’s all there was to it was just ‘there for him while Dick grieved and recovered’ like it was as simple as that.

There was nothing simple about it. There couldn’t have been. Because there’s nothing simple about that much grief, that much trauma, that much upheaval, that many reasons to give up on the world and refuse to let anyone in or ever really trust anyone again.

Y’know. Like happened for Bruce, over a course of fifteen years, because this stuff is a JOURNEY not an anecdote like ‘well that happened but then they got over it and became superheroes, the end.’

No. Putting a roof over his head and food on his plate and even giving him a mask and a cape, those were just actions. Those were just pieces. Those were just thumbnails of the big picture.

None of those saved Dick. Made him the man, the hero he became.

BRUCE DID THE WORK.

Its that simple, and its also that complex. It was a process. It was a journey. It was a long hard road full of pitfalls and self doubt and second guessing and frustration. It was a million reasons to give up or turn back and only one reason to keep going, but one reason was all he needed. To save this one child. Not just by catching a bad guy or punching a Rogue. But to save him FULLY. His spirit as much as his body.

There’s a saying that goes something like “save one child, you save them all.”

Because the thing is, no matter how much Bruce might want to at times, he couldn’t do that for every single orphan out there. BE THERE, to the extent needed to actually bring Dick back from where his traumas had taken him. 

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t do that for this one, for whatever reason Bruce latched on to him as the one he just couldn’t shake, couldn’t stand to see this way, HAD to do something, anything, everything to stop that. Maybe because Dick did remind him so much of himself in that one crucial moment. Maybe because he felt guilty for not doing more sooner, when he found out what CPS had actually done instead of helping him. Maybe for reasons Bruce himself could never explain, so he just grabbed at any explanation he could think of for why he felt such a bone-deep certainty that this kid, this one specifically, needed him in specific.

Doesn’t matter. But what matters is you can’t save every traumatized child, but you save one kid, you save them all.

Because every single child matters as much as all children, to the right pair of eyes.

And you save one child by proving to them they’re worth saving, proving you want to save them, make them believe it....

That child grows up caring about proving to other children they’re worth saving, proving they want to save them, make them believe it. And on and on it goes.

You raise heroes by being their heroes. You save their world by being their world.

And being a hero, saving the world, that’s HARD FUCKING WORK.

You work and you work and you work at it.

And then you work some more.

And through all the times you feel like giving up, you willfully just refuse to and you KEEP. DOING. THE. WORK.

And if you do it long enough, do it well enough, do it so thoroughly and consistently and fully that in time you forget that its work at all, that its not just a fundamental part of you, a basic fact of your being, a reason you exist and breathe and get up in the morning....

Maybe eventually, hopefully, there comes a morning where you look up and realize somewhere along the way, that kid you saved has become a hero. Maybe he’s saving the world now himself.

And then you get back to work.

THAT. Is how you get Good Dad Bruce Wayne.

And I’m here for all the Good Dad Bruce being that, proving all that to Jason, saving him that way. And the same with Tim, and Cass, and Damian, and Steph, and Duke and Harper and Cullen and Colin and whoever you want to throw in the mix.

Its just.

That has to start with Dick.

It just has to.

Because a happy, cheerful, pun-loving, wise-cracking Robin like Dick Grayson was even after all the tragedy he’d endured so early in his life....

As well as THROUGH all the tragedy he endured as Robin...

That doesn’t just HAPPEN.

Kids aren’t just LIKE that.

You don’t get to expect them to just BE like that, all on their own. To just bounce back to their factory settings after enough time filling their grief quota.

Even a kid like Dick, hell, especially a kid like Dick, needs HELP to get to that point after where they’ve been, what they’ve been through. Needs a REASON to get to that point, a reason to try, to care, to get back up and fly again. Needs guidance, a road map. A guiding light through the darkness, a lighthouse that pierces through the fog.

You don’t get to expect them to just make it there on their own if they just spend enough time stumbling around in the dark, getting even more banged up as they trip and fall and crash into things with no idea what to look out for or a clue they might be headed down an even more dangerous path.

Saving people is hard work. There are no shortcuts. And it never stops.

Bruce Wayne knew that when Dick was younger. He proved it, time and time again.

Dick Grayson the hero IS the proof of that.

You only actually get Bad Dad Bruce Wayne...when he forgets to do the work. Stops doing it, stops trying. Maybe thinks he doesn’t have to do the work anymore, or at least not do as much of it. Thinks maybe he’s done now, its all up to Dick now.

No. Taking a kid in, raising them, making yourself their world until they feel safe and comfortable enough to look beyond you to see what else is out there again....that’s a job you don’t ever get to stop doing, once you willingly start. There is no clocking out. You don’t go home at the end of the day and not expect to see them there, because its their home too and if they feel otherwise or aren’t sure of that, that just means you have more work to do.

So you want to nip Bad Dad Bruce Wayne in the bud?

And not just in terms of Dick, but all or any of his children?

You still have to START with Dick and KEEP BRUCE DOING THE WORK with Dick. Putting in the time, the effort, the care, not taking him for granted, and never letting there reach a point where Bruce thinks Dick’s old enough that Bruce doesn’t need to do that anymore.

Because a Bruce that stops doing the work with Dick is a Bruce that’s going to stop doing the work with all his other kids in due time as well.

Especially since the more you treat Dick Grayson’s early years with Bruce like they were all carefree and trauma proof, just laughter and puns and Saturday morning cartoons....

The more it begs the question....

If Bruce can’t even make it work with a kid that ‘makes it that easy’....how the FUCK do you think he can make it work with all the kids you guys all so much more easily regard as more traumatized, more difficult, harder to reach or get through to?

Like....the more you accept Bruce had to do actual WORK to help Dick heal, the more Jason and all the others benefit by extension....because it makes Bruce that much more intuitive by the time he gets to them, that much more aware of his own actions and choices and impact.

This fandom wants more Good Dad Bruce Wayne content so bad, well guess what, I actually do too.

But if you want Bruce to never forget to keep doing the work, to keep caring, to keep making an effort and making a point to BE there for his kids...

Then as content creators....it doesn’t work if you forget to make Bruce do that  work, make those efforts.

And not just for some of his kids, but ALL of them.

Because if you can justify him not needing to do the work with one of them, you’re only kidding yourself if you think your version of his character could never justify giving up on doing the work for any of the others too.

[oveliagirlhaditright]

So in your case, are you put off from Sor iku because of the ship wars? And would you have been more open KH multishipping had it not been for that? Or, is Sor iku simply a ship you wouldn't have thought of had the fans not brought it up?

At this point in my life, I feel like an alternate version of me right now could have been shipping S*oRiku some, if the fandom hadn’t ruined it for me.

Though that’s not entirely true. I just feel like this ship would never completely gel with me. And even in said alternate universe, I would still be shipping S*oKai more as my true OTP.

But my issues with S*oRiku are this:

1. While S*ora’s a good enough person to not let what R*iku did to him--in trying to kill him, and all--really bother him or hold it against him... I just personally headcanon that his subconscious mind might cause him to have nightmares about it. Like, his conscious mind is okay with it... but his subconscious mind isn’t. And as an aside, one of the reasons I ship S*oKai--and think it’s good--is because K*airi’s the only person in S*ora’s close circle of friends who has never betrayed him. Some of you may think I’m wrong on this one... and that S*ora’s forgiven R*iku so much, that even his subconscious doesn’t hold onto any of those old feelings. But IDK. Even while forgiving N*aminé, yes, S*ora still told her in that moment he wasn't happy with her messing with his memories. 

2. The goddamn power imbalance drives me bananas, and I don’t think it would be healthy. This was, of course, at its worst in K*HI. But it was improved upon after that... when they both realized they were jealous of each other and wanted to be like each other, and then took a healthy step forward in becoming moreso friends again than rivals (perhaps the friends they once were). So you may be asking, “Why don’t you ship them then, Shanna?” Because D*DD had to bring it back! With R*iku now being a Master over S*ora... and seeing as how N*omura always wants Sora to be a “normal boy”, I don’t see that changing. In K*HIII, R*iku--among everyone else but K*airi--kept teasing him about not being a Master... and while it was all in good fun, you can tell that it really hurt S*ora and shattered his confidence a lot. Maybe not so much the teasing, as the event itself... but still. Maybe not tease your dear friend over a sore spot of theirs every second of every day, guys?

3. I’ve just realized R*iku’s entire redemption arc--which is a huge reason as to why people ship S*oRiku--bothers me and makes little sense, imo. Like, the big takeaway from K*HI, is that R*iku was wrong to side with M*aleficent, kidnap Princesses, want to sacrifice P*inocchio to save K*airi and kill S*ora if he got in his way of saving K*airi... And yet the story’s way of R*iku making up for what he did to S*ora, is to essentially kill more people but for him this time: R*oxas and X*ion. And I know there’s a whole narrative about how our heroes were told N*obodies weren’t supposed to exist/really didn’t exist/were doomed to fade away or back into their original selves, anyway, and R*iku felt he had no choice. But it still bothers me. To me, it gives the unintentional narrative that it’s not okay to kill people for K*airi’s sake, but it is for S*ora’s. It also doesn’t help that, for the most part, R*iku doesn’t see what he did in the D*ays timeline as bad at all--or that he should apologize for it (and he’s yet to): at least not like D*iZ and N*aminé do.

And as a 3.5 of this list... I feel like R*iku became too obsessed with S*ora in his desire to help him/make amends with him, and it really isn’t (or at least wasn’t) healthy. Especially since he didn’t seem to take care of himself at all during that time. Though to be fair... some could maybe argue the same when it comes to S*ora’s obsession with K*airi, and how that’s now gotten him killed twice now... and they may not be wrong. So see? I’m trying to be objective and fair here.

4. And this is a big one for me... I kind of don’t care about S*ora or R*iku without K*airi, so this is probably a big reason as to why I could never really ship them... but explains why I can ship S*oRi*Kai some. All of D*ream D*rop Distance, I got no ship feels like many others would or did, or whatever. No. I just wanted to punch both of them in the face the whole time, for abandoning Kairi. I was so mad! I was like, “How dare you leave your other best friend behind, for no good reason (since you thought there was no danger and she can even somewhat fight now), when you know how much your doing so hurt her last time and you maybe even just made promises against that ever happening again?! Yet here you are! And how dare you take the raft without he?r! And R*iku, what the fuck are you saying, that it was T*erra who made you want to see other worlds when in K*HI you said it was Kairi?! You know what?! Dishonor on all of you! Dishonor on you, dishonor on Sora, dishonor on your cow!” Yeah.

5. This is kind of a minor one... but a lot of people ship S*oRiku in a “and S*ora saves R*iku from his darkness” kind of way. And I’m just- I’m getting sick of this trope in any piece of media anywhere. Because it’s not someone else’s job to save you from your demons. It’s your own. Seriously. Stop trying to put that on so many people/characters. It isn’t fair to them... especially when an act of love so strong as that can often times destroy the giver. Not that I really think it would S*ora--or that this entirely applies to S*oRiku--but I’m just kind of done with the trope as a whole. And a lot of people ship S*oRiku because it’s kind of a light and darkness pairing, and find S*oKai boring because it’s light and light... but tbh? In real life, if given the choice, most people would choose to be with a light person and not be weighed down with a dark one. Because again: it’s not their job to save someone, and expecting that from them really isn’t fair.

6. And I guess this is moreso why I don’t like them in fanon, as opposed to why I don’t like them in canon: I hate how most S*oRiku fanworks that I’ve seen of them, strip away any masculinity that S*ora has--but I’ve also seen their argument, that we S*oKais can make him too masculine. And I could maybe agree with that--and just want him to be a damsel in distress for R*iku to save. I think people who have made posts--about how certain S*oRiku fans need to check themselves... because they hate K*airi, for apparently “always needing to be saved by S*ora”... but then dream of S*ora always being saved by R*iku--aren’t wrong.

And as for if I would have seen any S*oRiku at all in the games without S*oRiku shippers telling me it was there... in the original trilogy (K*HI, C*oM, and K*HII), I don’t see it at all. I know most S*oRiku shippers started seeing it in II... but I don’t. At all). I don’t even really see it in D*ays and B*bS. If anything, I started seeing it in C*oded and D*DD (but at first, I didn’t really see it in C*oded, either; it just seemed long strong/sweet friendship stuff to me--and maybe still don’t as much there as I see it in D*DD--so D*DD’s really the only one I see it in). 0*2 doesn’t have it, in my opinion. And even though people try to argue that K*HIII has it... I think if any S*oRiku fan is being honest with themselves... they can tell that the bromance was toned down in that one, at least compared to recent games, probably because this was when N*omura was first getting news that people shipped S*oRiku... while he was making this game that he wanted to go full S*oKai in. Yeah.

So, to answer your question, at least in this reality... I can never really ship S*oRiku: for the fandom, for things I dislike about it, and the fact that S*oKai will always be my favorite (though I can ship S*oRi*Kai, just not as much as the former). But in an alternate universe where the fandom wasn’t awful... I would probably be shipping it a little; I may have been big enough/strong enough to set the tropes I dislike about it to the side and give them a chance, but I still wouldn’t ship it like I do S*oKai... and I’d get mad at any time K*airi was left out and I felt S*ora and R*iku were being bad friends to her.

[sharada-n]

Could you elabirate about why Papyrus reminds Flowey of Chara? I'm really curious.

Sure, but I want to preface this by saying its been ages since I’ve written Undertale Meta so excuse me for being a bit rusty. Also, there’s a lot of personal conjecture and interpretation here so feel free to take what I say with a grain of salt…

This is pretty much a counter argument to people claiming that Papyrus resembling Asriel is the reason why he’s Floweys favorite. I’ll get into why I think that isn’t true in a second (and why I think he actually is more like Chara) but first I’d like to point out that this theory doesn’t even make sense.

Flowey’s relationship with Asriel is complicated. On a technical level they’re the same person, yes, but in reality, they’re more like separate entities. While I do believe there is some Asriel left in Flowey, Asriel himself states at the end of the pacifist route that Flowey and he are not the same. More importantly though, Flowey talks about Asriel with clear resentment. He says Asriel was weak and blames the failure of the plan to free monsterkind on himself.

Keeping this in mind, it doesn’t make sense that Papyrus reminding Flowey of Asriel would be a positive thing to him. Especially considering the way Flowey speaks about his first encounters with Asgore and Toriel. Flowey doesn’t seem to want a constant reminder of his old life around, let alone a constant reminder of his old self. If Papyrus was like Asriel, I can only imagine Flowey would resent him too and not have him as a best friend.

“But Shara,” I hear you cry “Flowey is hardly a good friend. In fact, he's kind of a jerk and he manipulated Papyrus in the pacifist ending!”. Which, yes, that’s a fair point. I’m not saying he deserves a “friend of the year” award, but I’ve definitely been over why I feel their friendship is not just a charade on Flowey’s part. It might have started as such, but it's not anymore I think.

For example, the plan to use Papyrus to lure everybody into his trap at the end of the pacifist route wasn’t concocted until after Frisk fell, and they were friends long before that, so it can’t be the reason why Flowey befriended him in the first place.

Granted this is veering a little into headcanon territory, but there also is canon evidence to support this, such as the anniversary event where Flowey was the only one who knew what Papyrus’ favorite food was, and was seemingly annoyed at the fact that nobody else knew.

And also the dialogue you get if you keep doing neutral runs without ever attempting a genocide or pacifist run.

Here Flowey accuses the player of continually resetting and visiting him out of curiosity and boredom rather than a genuine desire to befriend him. This mirrors the part where he talks about his friendship with Papyrus being a result of his own curiosity and Papyrus (for some reason not actually properly explained in canon) being “fun to mess with” and a character that took a long time for Flowey to get bored off. Then we get this tidbit:

Not only is this line very interesting but the facial expression is important too. You can read it as discomfort, clearly, but it is also very much a guilty expression. This is the same expression Flowey has at the end of the pacifist route when addressing the player and compelling them not to reset anymore because it would take away everybody’s happy ending. It also happens to be the same expression he has when talking about the Flowey Fan Club as well as at the exact line I mentioned above, where he admits Papyrus was his “favorite”. 

Seems to me like Flowey is expressing guilt or embarrassment about his original intentions behind befriending Papyrus…

Now to get into the main thing: Why do people think Papyrus and Asriel are similar? The hard part is that we don’t know that much about Asriel when you think about it. He’s been long dead before the events of the game. We get some bits and pieces here and there but most info comes from Flowey himself, who is hardly an unbiased source. However, it's fair to say Asriel was very kind, innocent even, and pretty naive. A crybaby, in his own words. And if you take the most shallow, basic interpretation of Papyrus (the kind of fanon that makes me want to pull my hair out) what do you get? That Papyrus is kind, innocent and naive.

The only word in that list I do not take offense to is kind. Papyrus is undeniably a very kind person. But he is not innocent or naive. I could go into why I say this but honestly, it has been argued to death not just by me but by the entire fandom at this point, you’ve all heard it before. Papyrus is an actor. He’s good at showing people the parts of himself he wants them to see. It's unlikely that he’s completely faking it, I do believe Papyrus is genuinely a positive and quirky person. But he’s also playing up those parts to the extreme. Which leaves us with a lot of subtle clues as to his real feelings. Meanwhile, Asriel wears his heart on his sleeve. Crybaby, remember? And what about Asriel being a coward? Papyrus is anything but a coward.

So let's talk about Chara then. Once again we face the same problem we did earlier. Chara is long gone and we don’t know a lot about them besides what Flowey tells us, unless you subscribe to the “Chara is the narrator” theory, which I personally do, but since I know some people are still on the fence regarding this I’ll keep to strictly canon dialogue first. 

Asriel says Chara wasn’t the nicest person. True enough, their plan to destroy the barrier by means of killing themselves and then a bunch of humans wasn’t exactly a solid idea. However, it was made with good intentions. Chara was willing to sacrifice themselves for the sake of freeing their newfound family. Chara wanted to help fix something they saw as undeniably wrong: the way humans treat others.

But this was also about revenge. Chara was bitter. They didn’t climb the mountain for a happy reason, according to Asriel. Asgore tells us something different too. He says he can see “the same hope in Frisk’s eyes that he saw in [Chara]”. So here we find what is both the big similarity and the big difference between Chara and Papyrus. Both of them are genuinely filled with hope, with belief, and with the motivation to make things better. They just manifested it differently.

Where Papyrus seems to maintain this disposition even in the face of adversary and unkindness, believing in you all the way until his death in the genocide route, Chara has already faced the kind of behavior that has made them resentful of things they consider unfair or unjust.

Both of them are willing to act upon these feelings of righteousness at least, however ill-advised, in contrast with Asriel (or ironically: Sans), who seems to be a more static, laid back person that didn’t like shaking up the status quo and just went along with what others did. Even Flowey himself only engages when he’s sure he has an ace up his sleeve and is unwilling to act thoughtlessly or impulsively. 

As the tape in the True Lab betrays, Chara was also a hard person to read, and both an excellent liar as well as an actor. They were hard to figure out, at the very least, and Asriel expressed joy at seeing a glimpse of their unguarded emotions when they smiled genuinely. Once again though, Chara seems to do this because they want to come across as colder and more emotionless than they really are, giving the impression that they don’t care about anyone or anything. While Papyrus is always trying to come across more happy and untroubled than he really is, and rather keeps his more negative feelings to himself.

The result for both of them is the same though: they are distanced from their friends and family, I’d almost go as far as to say that even those closest to them barely know them, and they are misunderstood in the most fundamental way. Their motivations are harder to figure out than those of most other characters, for sure. It would definitely go some way into explaining why Flowey was so fascinated by Papyrus from the start…

If you do believe in the Narra!Chara theory, there are some small details that match too. Chara is a rather goofy person actually and often makes jokes, but expresses disgust at puns and Sans’ rather lazy sense of humor where he goes for the most obvious wordplays. Just like Papyrus, who the fandom often portrays as hating puns when in reality he loves them, just not the kind Sans makes because they’re easy. Chara is also implied to be quite fond of books/reading and cooking, as is Papyrus. They both come across as inquisitive to me. The narrator's retorts can be unexpectedly sarcastic, or even dark, not unlike some of Papyrus’ dialogue. There’s some other minor things but honestly this post is way too long as is so I’ll just leave it there

Conclusion: Flowey made the same mistake the fandom made in assuming Papyrus was a one-dimensional person who is easy to fool, only be confronted with his new best friend being strangely similar to his old one and now he has no soul and a weird attachment to this strange skeleton who everybody underestimates. He even admits that Chara is the only person he would still care about now. Kind of a weird statement, except if you consider he has found somebody like Chara that sparked some kind of actual emotion in him (whether that be friendship, compassion, guilt, or something else)

What do you guys think? I’d love to hear your thoughts, or if you want to tell me this post was a horrible read from start to finish you can do that too

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

I want to make one thing absolutely clear before getting any further into this: I am not in any way or form saying you are not allowed to ship whatever you want. I am not here to call you Toxic™ or Problematic™. In fact, I get hives when people guilt-trip others because of their fictional ships and make them feel like there’s something wrong with their head. I have many dark ships myself and know how the bashing feels so I would never do something like that to others. 

For a long time, I didn’t actually have a real NOTP, and this one was mainly born out of the fans’ reaction to She Li and his recently revealed backstory rather than the ship itself. To me, it seemed like some people took the “easiest” way with SL and MGS’s relationship and jumped straight to romantic love. When, in fact, I find their past and relationship much more complicated.

I liked what OldXian had to say about the matter, actually. Thank you @nira18 for going through the trouble of posting and translating OX’s comments for us. (I’m going to borrow them for a while 🙏) But before that, a few words about what I’ve learned about interpreting during my years as a literature major.

Usually, I have mixed feelings about authors “explaining” their stories because fan-readers often use them to attack other fans’ interpretations that differ from their own and make them less valid. There are actually three major players and powers when it comes to interpreting: the author, the text itself, and the reader. You can study texts from any of those major perspectives, but you’d be surprised how little the author’s intentions weight when reading and interpreting. In fact, scholars and students of literature are very rarely interested in them at all.

What many fan-readers don’t perhaps realize is that interpreting isn’t supposed to be some kind list of correct and incorrect that you should check with someone to see if you “got it right”. As long as you can argue your point by using the text, your interpretation is valid. Which is actually an interesting issue since so much of the fandom culture stems from the fans’ almost rebel-like ways of reading characters and stories. For example, one reason why fans write fanfiction is to fulfill their own interpretations the author hadn’t explored. Actually, fan-reading revolves around the age-old question of literature: to whom does the power of interpreting belong after a text has been published, the author or the writer? So, why are we somewhat hypocritical when it comes to fan-interpretations that differ from our own?

All that being said, I’d still like to take a look at OX’s comments. But I don’t wish to use them as weapons, though. I’ve been saddened by how people seemed to almost rub them in the shippers’ faces.

“Two people can’t just stand in one place together and fall in love! [Laughing crying] There are many kinds of feelings in the world, family affections, friendship affections, romantic affections, hatred, jealousy, etc. I personally believe that the often interesting relationships (?), are complicated and unexplainable.” X

As I said earlier, when SL’s backstory and his first connection with MGS were revealed, some fans jumped straight to the romance wagon and saw SL being so hung up on MGS as romantic jealousy. I see where the shippers are coming from but find that a whole plethora of feelings that would fit between hate and romantic love is in danger to be bypassed. As OX said, there are many kinds of feelings in the world, and many of them are nuanced even though they share some common denominator. I am not saying people can’t see SL and MGS romantically, but it’s a bit frustrating if they choose to ignore all of other, more complex options. Just because 19 Days is a shounen-ai doesn’t mean there can’t be any other kinds of relationships.

Partly, my frustration stems from my “protectiveness” of SL’s character. It’s no secret I’m very interested in and intrigued by him. I realize he’s the bad guy of the story and fully understand why the majority of the fans hate him with a burning passion. But I can’t bring myself to dislike him. He’s in the long line of antagonists who have found their way into my heart.

I find SL’s character highly complex which is why I don’t want to brush his feelings towards MGS and role in the overall story off as romantic love. It feels way too hasty. To go to such extreme as “love” is too easy and cuts too many corners.

What I think SL and MGS’s relationship could be boiled down to instead is “misery loves company”. SL had once managed to pull MGS down with him and intends to keep him there. Because if MGS gets freed from SL’s world, it would quite painfully point out how messed up SL’s life is, too. Which brings me back to OX’s point about nuanced feelings. To see others you thought shared your misery actually try and climb out of the pit, is its own form of jealousy. When I see SL being so hung up on MGS, I don’t see romantic jealousy but something more complex.

I like what @casually-inlove said about the different roles of SL and HT in her answer. HT is a savior of sorts in MGS’s life, someone who believes in him and strives to make him “an outstanding person” aka not ruin his life by becoming a part of the criminal gangs and underworld for good. The opposite of what SL ultimately wants to.

And the change in MGS must have been apparent enough for SL to take notice. Since MGS has gained more people who actually see good things in him and even admire him, it’s given him more self-esteem and confidence and started to convince him he’s not an outcast good-for-nothing delinquent. He’s been looked down by his peers since his childhood and after a while, he’s started to believe in that image, too.

Hope is a very strong motivation in life, and SL seems to despise the idea of MGS having any of it. It’s the light at the end of the tunnel that would ultimately lead MGS out the world he’s shared with SL.

Up until HT got involved, SL had managed to snuff out MGS’s hope quite effectively. He’s manipulated him by using the carrot by talking about “destiny” and seemingly giving MGS what he knows he’s desperate for:

But he also wasn’t hesitant to use the stick when he needed to remind MGS of his place. There’s a lot to be said about using gratitude as a way to manipulate others but it’s very effective and something SL seems to go for a lot:

I don’t know if SL actually believes MGS owes him for the rest of his life and sees himself as some kind of grand savior. It’s possible, I suppose, and would somewhat explain why he’s trying so stubbornly to hold on to MGS even though he obviously has quite a lot of followers already. SL seems to have a compulsive need to control and possess other people and sees MGS trying to leave his side as a betrayal. No one is allowed to think their debts have been repaid until he says so. Now, why is it like that is the million-dollar question. Why is he so desperate to shackle people to himself like that? Is it simply about power or something deeper?

We don’t know exactly how SL saved MGS either, but ultimately I think it’s about giving MGS a place to belong when others discriminated against him. He took advantage of MGS’s growing bitterness and strengthened his poor image of himself by creating a vicious cycle of being involved in gangs and further more estranging him from his peers. As I said in my earlier post regarding MGS’s character, there’s no faster way to turn someone into an outcast than by making them bitter and pushing them to join like-minded people.

However, it’s also possible it didn’t begin that way. It’s unclear to us how long MGS and SL have known each other. Their first encounter was revealed in ch 294, but it seemed one-sided. How soon after this

did MGS and LS meet again? Did SL recognize MGS? Were they actual friends at some point, and it all went to hell later on? Did they perhaps bond over both being seen as weirdos and outcasts by others? (As a side note, I’d like to recommend this piece of fanart by @naesol that I think offers an interesting possibility of how things might’ve gone down between them.)

At this point, you might rightly wonder how on earth I could like a character like that. A despicable manipulator who exploits others’ weakness and wants to drag them down with him. It’s actually partly why I don’t see a romantic connection between MGS and SL.

As crazy as it sounds, I relate to some of SL’s character. Up to a point, I see my own shortcomings in him. When I see him being jealous of MGS trying to turn his life around, ultimately leaving him behind and feeling betrayed by it, I 100% recognize that feeling because I’m prone to it myself. In those situations, I don’t go wielding pocket knives or try to manipulate them out if it, of course, but I can’t bring myself to genuinely root for them, either. Instead, I tend to feel jealous, envious, and bitter. When I see others fix the things in themselves that I hate about myself, I silently wish them to fail because if they can do it, what’s my excuse for not doing the same? I’m not proud of this side of myself but it is the truth.

And that’s why I think it’s dangerous to bash other people for what they ship or what characters they like. You can’t possibly know the reason why and can make them feel really shitty about themselves by assuming they just don’t know right from wrong or want to romanticize problematic things. The thing about fiction is that it provides us a safe environment to experience and discover different feelings, some of which can be weird or scary or conflicting, and possibly recognize those feelings in ourselves and work on them. And people should be allowed to do that without being bashed or made assumptions about by others.

All in all, because I relate to what I interpret SL is feeling I don’t recognize the romantic aspect some readers find between them. I think it’s more based on fanon than actual canon, but that doesn’t mean I have the right to tell anyone what to ship.

30 day 19 Days challenge

[jimmyandthegiraffes]

“Oh. Very well”: Alexander Waverly in Exploitation and Backstories

Waverly... bothers me. I think he’s a fascinating character and wonderfully portrayed and he’s a very intrinsic element of The Man From UNCLE that makes the show what it is, but he’s deeply and fascinatingly flawed and Damn do I want to talk about that!

Disclaimer: This is all based on my headcanons, not on concrete evidence from the show; I’m just speculating.

Disclaimer 2: I’m going to briefly reference real historical events. I do not intend to go into great detail because the last thing I want to do is to turn these into fuel for fanfiction without at least due respect to the victims of these events and their families. The 1930s and the 1950s were not really that long ago. How and if fandom should treat these kinds of tragedies is another debate, but for now: some events are still with us and I am conscious that while what I’m doing here is having fun with character analysis, not all of this is fiction. I’ve done my best to do what research I can, but if something I’ve said sounds off or disrespectful, please tell me and I will do my best to correct myself.

Waverly gives me the heebiejeebies. Whether it’s his matter-of-fact statement that his agents are expendable, his deceptions and manipulation of them, the fact that he regularly keeps them in the dark in ways that endanger them, or the fact that despite all of this they show him ultimate and unflinching loyalty - something about him throws me off.

Now the things I’m about to say about Napoleon and Illya’s pasts prior to joining UNCLE are headcanon, sometimes with basis in canon, sometimes just pulled out of nowhere for the fun of it or because I thought it fit. They might not, probably don’t, fit everyone’s headcanons. Napoleon and Illya are always shady about their pasts and I’m glad of it - it means we get So Much variety in transformative fandom. There is also a point to me getting into Napoleon and Illya’s backstories in order to talk about Waverly, and I will get to it.

I headcanon Napoleon as the only child of a fairly well off family. We know his grandfathers may have been an admiral and an ambassador respectively, although of course taking Napoleon’s word on anything is risky business. For the sake of argument, though, I’m going to say that’s canon. Napoleon is likeable and has a lot of friends. He does okay in school, but not well enough, I don’t think. He’s sporty and popular but not overly academic. He doesn’t go to college (this is arguably disputable; he states in Cherry Blossom that he threw the javelin in college - but I think that’s just him talking nonsense to get attention from girls. Pretty standard for Napoleon really!), or if he does go to college, he drops out and joins the army. I think Napoleon lying about his age in order to join up is so believably something he would do. He’s young, overconfident and desperate for a cause. We see in Secret Sceptre how he’s clung to Morgan’s ideals and assurance that the cause they’re fighting for is just, and how distraught he is to learn that his old mentor is not the moral safe ground he thought. How this must lead Napoleon to revisit his time in Korea with a new perspective - one of corruption and greed and futility! He wants reassurance that he’s doing, has done, the right thing. It’s an insecurity he masks well, but it’s there. I’d argue you can see it again in Seven Wonders of the World, for example, and even throughout season 4: war is never over, good never triumphs fully, good and evil are not black and white, how do we know that our ideals are the right ones?

I headcanon that Napoleon met his wife before he left for Korea, although I don’t think they were married until after he returned. They were both too young to get married; Napoleon in particular is immature and impulsive. Napoleon’s family did not approve. Still, I think that for what time they had together they were very poor and very happy. Whether this would have lasted, who knows? I headcanon that she died in a car crash, and that Napoleon wasn’t there when it happened. He’s home from a war he never understood, he’s full of grief and guilt, and his life is not what he thought it was going to be. What a time for Waverly to appear, to tell him that there is a concrete Good and Evil and that there are Good Guys and Bad Guys, that there’s a simple cause and Napoleon can find a career in joining it. Napoleon’s not stupid - but it’s not going to be hard at this stage in his life for Waverly to make UNCLE sound like a godsend. 

How Waverly gets hold of Illya in my headcanon is if anything more unsettling. He’s born into genocide and famine, and I headcanon that he was 8 when his parents died. That he lived with a Romani family is also firmly set in fanon for many and has some good canon basis and I very much subscribe to that. What his childhood was like is frequently speculated and I haven’t come to too many conclusions myself but it’s safe to say that Illya’s childhood has taught him to be resourceful, self-reliant and wary of close connections. So he goes to Cambridge, does his Masters, does his PhD., goes back to the USSR and joins the Navy, then somehow goes from the Navy to UNCLE (in an implausibly short space of time). That’s not my concern here - what I am interested in is how his transfer from the Soviet branch of UNCLE to the New York HQ is effected. 

To me, Illya is a gay character. I’d go so far as to say he’s coded as such, even if not deliberately. I won’t go into detail about that because I could write a whole post about it I think. Somehow, I think he is outed during his time with the Soviet UNCLE branch; this puts him in danger. He’s a good agent - one of their best - Waverly will have heard of him. Where Beldon fits into all this I’m not quite sure, because I got so carried away with making these headcanons that I forgot about him! But I’m sure he fits in somewhere. But I digress. UNCLE in the USSR are at a loss what to do with Illya: they can’t keep him, but he’s too valuable an asset to lose. It’s like Christmas has come early for Waverly! I’m sure he can’t get in there fast enough, to say oh well I can take him off your hands, there’s an opening in Research here in New York, or something along those lines. Maybe Illya is sent to Beldon first; but I do think Beldon and Waverly are in cahoots about getting Illya over to the USA. They probably fight over him a bit; he’s highly qualified, has excellent Survival School records, can pull the Weirdest stunts, speaks God knows how many languages.

Illya is undoubtedly in a terrifying situation; not only is his career on the line, but potentially his life as well. I don’t think anyone at the New York UNCLE branch knows he’s An Homosexual, barring Waverly (and Napoleon, eventually, of course) - but this places Waverly in a position of extreme power over Illya - and yet how can Illya be anything but loyal to this benefactor? Illya knows he is in Waverly’s debt, and that his entire position depends on Waverly’s discretion. Illya had been in danger; communications were made from East to West and back again, strings were pulled, and Illya has been quickly and quietly removed from the USSR and joined the ranks of Waverly’s remarkably devoted base of agents. It’s a win-win-win situation: Illya is saved from awkwardness at best and physical danger at worst and has a chance to put his talents as an Enforcement Agent to better use; the Soviet UNCLE folks have got rid of their outed gay agent without a scandal; Waverly has a shiny new agent. And sure, then Illya is partnered with Napoleon, everyone lives happily ever after.

But it’s Waverly’s motives that bother me; I can only speak about Illya and Napoleon because we don’t know much about any other agents, but he’s taken them both at times of great vulnerability and placed them undeniably in his debt. He’s indoctrinated Napoleon with his own ideals at a time when Napoleon was desperate for ideals, and he’s placed himself in a position of power over Illya by being his sole rescuer. He’s effectively secured both their loyalties. On a scale of Albus Dumbledore to Harold Dobey, Alexander Waverly is firmly up there with Dumbledore.

I don’t believe UNCLE is an ideologically pure organisation. I’m sure it was started with the best of intentions, but its entire motive runs on one perspective of right vs. wrong. World peace is a worthy goal - I’m sure it’s what Napoleon signed up for when he joined. But Waverly is a hard-moulded spy left over from the war. Espionage to him is uncompromising; he’ll do anything, and sacrifice anything, for the cause. For what he sees as right. He sees no need to bother his agents with trivial details: all they need to know, as is frequently demonstrated in the show (I’m thinking very much of Foxes and Hounds and Deep Six here but there are many many other examples), is what their orders are. Any superfluous information is unnecessary. He keeps them in the dark, hides, lies, deflects.

When Napoleon comes to Waverly in Concrete Overcoat, he almost has to beg for his partner’s life; Illya is collateral damage in Waverly’s plan, and Napoleon’s faith in the man is, in my opinion, irreparably damaged. When Napoleon is reported dead, by his partner of four years, in The Maze Affair, Waverly’s response is first one of shock, and then one of mild inconvenience. 

“Oh. Very well,” he says. 

[ice-connoisseur]

ten faves

Rules: name ten favorite characters from ten different things (tv, movies, books, etc.)

This came from @thegirlwholied nearly...3 weeks...ago now, but I am slow, and indecisive, and time basically has no meaning at the moment anyway, so. 

1.       Sally Lockhart (the Sally Lockhart quartet)

First name I wrote down.  I met Sally in my early teens and I’ve never quite given up on wanting to grow up to be her. I love each and every member of Garland and Lockhart a ridiculous amount (and my love of the found family trope can probably be traced back to their door), but Sally, with her grit and her stubbornness and her fierce indepenance, captured me in something special from that moment in the first paragraph of the first book when all I knew was her name and that she was about to kill a man. 

2.       Elizabeth Bennet (Pride and Prejudice)

I considered shying away from the stereotypical here, but that would just be lying to myself as well as anyone else.  I relate more to Jane, or Charlotte Lucas, or even Mr Darcy – at least in terms of social awkwardness, not finances, sadly – but, like him, I can’t remember the first time I fell in love with Lizzy Bennet, I was in the middle of it before I even knew I had begun. 

(Jennifer Ehle probably had something to do with it though.)

3.       Hermione Granger (Harry Potter)

Look, I was an introverted, bookish, rule-abiding adolescent, and Hermione was suddenly someone I could recognise myself in.  I wanted to be Ginny (and Sally, and Lizzy, and several others on this list); I already was Hermione, in a lot of ways, and she made that a bit more ok.

4.      Carrot Ironfoundersson (Discworld)

I wanted to put a Discworld character in here, and I’m a little bit sad at myself for not picking a woman – especially since this is inadvertently turning out to be a very female-heavy list.  I even started the process of trying to choose between Sybil Ramkin, Tiffany Aching, Adora Belle Dearheart, and Angua, to name but a few.

But the thing is, I made the fatel error of first trying to read the Discworld in publication order, and it took me years to venture any further than the first 50 pages of Colour of Magic.  Even in later books the Wizards just.  Aren’t my thing.

And then, at some point – and I’m a bit hazy on the when, to be honest – I picked up Guards Guards and spent the entire book blinking at Carrot, reading and re-reading; I kept wanting to turn to someone else and nudge and point, because is this guy for real?! And then, again, a page later, for completely different reasons and in completely different tones, is this guy for real AGAIN?!  Terry Pratchett’s books are richly populated with wonderfully rounded, flawed, individual characters, and at first glance Carrot is comparatively straightforward. I hope I never lose that quiet moment of glee I feel at realising that, of course, he really, really isn’t. 

5.       Titty Walker (Swallows and Amazons)

Consider Titty a bit of a catch-all for the tomboy girls who filled my childhood reading – George Kirrin, Maia Fielding, Kit Russell and the rest – but she’s the one I thought of first.   I was not an adventurous child - I am not an adventurous adult, for that matter – but these were the books that meant I could be.  I think Titty’s adventures always felt the most tangible, somehow, and the image of her tacking up the field home to read her father’s telegram cemented something in me at an impressionable age that I don’t think I’ve ever quite shaken off.

6.       Leslie Knope (Parks and Recreation)

Again, I love each and every character on this show, but Leslie Knope; annoying, overbearing, forthright Leslie Knope, who cares so damn much about everything that she makes everyone else care more too, who never once considers being anyone other than who she is, who makes mistakes and faces up to fixing them, who will always, always use a favour to help other people…Leslie Knope, folks.  I love her and I like her. 

7.       Rose Tyler (Doctor Who)

It’s a pretty close call between Rose and Donna Noble, to be honest, but Rose got there first.   Unapologetically, unashamedly working class Rose, from the council estate, with no A-levels and no prospects and no expectations that anyone will ever give a damn about her, who saves the world in so many different ways, who grows up and laughs and loves and changes but never in the fundamentals of who she is – brilliant, compassionate, brave.   Her life is fantastic because she marches through it punching literal holes in the universe to make it so. 

8.       Lyra Silvertongue (His Dark Materials)

Lyra, who loved her world of Oxford rooftops, and ran from it.  Lyra who loved Roger, and killed him.  Lyra who loved Pan, and left him.  Lyra who loved Will, and lost him.  Lyra who lies.  Lyra who left home and came back different, and that was only just the start of her growing up. I’ve been reading Lyra for 20 years and I read her a little bit different every time, but I never love her any less.

9.       Phil Coulson (Marvel Cinematic Universe)

I’m probably stretching things a bit here, because when I say I love Phil Coulson, I’m referring to Phil Coulson of the MCU up to and including 2012, and the subsequent fanon interpretations of him.  I tried Agents of Shield early on and it didn’t stick.  But I saw Avengers Assemble in the cinema with no prior Marvel knowledge (comic or film) and spent the next three days watching the rest of Phase One (hilariously, at the time, five films felt like a lot).  I was in my very early days on Tumblr when #Coulsonlives was a thing, and I still remember the absolute explosion of joy that was.  Every now and again (like right now, actually) I go through a phase of re-reading an unhealthy volume of Clint/Coulson fic – and I do love Clint, and I love Gamora, I love Sam Wilson and Natasha Romanoff and Pepper Potts - and it’s dry, snarky, utterly unflappable who Coulson hooks me every time. 

10.       Georgiana Lestrade (The Least of All Possible Mistakes)

Look, I have a lot of feelings about every person on this list and quite a few who aren’t, but if I had to pick the one who felt the most…real, I suppose…then Georgiana Lestrade is my easy answer.  She’s the person I would always want fighting my corner.  George has no false ideals, no delusions about either herself or her world; she is completely grounded in herself and her London – which is almost a character in its own right, one of my very favourite things about Pru’s writing.

Competent, practical, fiercely unphased George, who carries a taser and throws stationary at her underlings; who is gloriously, unashamedly pragmatic; nearing forty and glad of it; as honest and self-aware of her own nature as I think a person can be; and above all else who is damn good at her job.  She might give one hoot about what other people think of her, but she’s certainly not going to waste a second.  That she is surrounded by wild, dangerously intelligent men is almost incidental, but she is, and that is a part of her story – though far from the whole of it - and she takes no more shit from them, never doubts her own right or ability to stand beside them, than she does any other person. 

One of the saddest truths of my fandom life is that Pru will never finish the Regency spy AU of this AU, and I mourn this far more often than is healthy XD

***

This was fun and hard in equal measure, and there are so many more I could have listed - Jack Robinson, Violet Baudelaire, Brienne of Tarth, Leia Organa, Theo Hart, to name but a few - but I’m as happy with it as I’ll ever be.

Tagging @firesign23, @kiraziwrites, @angel-deux-writes and @ajoblotofjunk, and also anyone else who wants to give this a go, because I would love to read more of them. 

[pilferingapples]

Hello! I was wondering if you might be able to give me your thoughts on Montparnasse? Its been 15+ years since i've read the brick, so I'm a bit spotty. I know fanon likes to turn him into a 'morally ambiguous but good underneath' type character, and I've read theories on him and Eponine's relationship in canon, but what do you think? Do you think he's canonically morally ambiguous (as opposed to straight-up Murderer), or even just is possibly redeemable?

Hi!:D

I’m going to put this under a cut for discussion of abuse, violence, and all those other cheery things that Les Mis has so much of! 

(and standard Disclaimers that this is just My Take on Montparnasse in the original text, and not meant to be some sort of marching order for How To Fandom about him)

While I think probably everyone in Les Mis (except maybe Thenardier) has to be considered potentially  redeemable as part of the novel’s whole central message, we’re given no indicator that Montparnasse is pointed in that direction–exactly the opposite. He has some good qualities–he’s genuinely loyal to the men (the men  part of this should probably be emphasized) who he considers comrades, and he’s clever enough , with skills he could  put to some use besides theft and murder. 

But he is  a murderer, with a long line of corpses already behind him.  His ‘romance’ with Eponine is established via his association with her horrifyingly abusive father, and is marked by Montparnasse himself threatening her with violence and bragging about how willingly he’d kill her, when even other members of the Patron Minette don’t want to.   

As they went, Montparnasse muttered:–“Never mind! if they had wanted, I’d have cut her throat.”Babet responded “I wouldn’t. I don’t hit a lady." 4.8.4

Gavroche sasses him with apparent confidence–but Gavroche banters with cannons and armies trying to kill him. We see in the attempted robbery of Valjean that Gavroche is certain that Montparnasse would never spare a life on his account, and would kill him if he interfered with the murders he doesn’t want to see: 

Montparnasse on the hunt at such an hour, in such a place, betokened something threatening. Gavroche felt his gamin’s heart moved with compassion for the old man.

What was he to do? Interfere? One weakness coming to the aid of another! It would be merely a laughing matter for Montparnasse. Gavroche did not shut his eyes to the fact that the old man, in the first place, and the child in the second, would make but two mouthfuls for that redoubtable ruffian eighteen years of age. (4.4.2)

While Gavroche was deliberating, the attack took place, abruptly and hideously. The attack of the tiger on the wild ass, the attack of the spider on the fly. Montparnasse suddenly tossed away his rose, bounded upon the old man, seized him by the collar, grasped and clung to him, and Gavroche with difficulty restrained a scream. A moment later one of these men was underneath the other, groaning, struggling, with a knee of marble upon his breast. Only, it was not just what Gavroche had expected. The one who lay on the earth was Montparnasse; the one who was on top was the old man. All this took place a few paces distant from Gavroche.

Gavroche almost screams  at the work Montparnasse does, and has to force himself to keep silent to keep safe.  Gavroche deals with Montparnasse casually, because that’s part of his world, murder and abuse are just in his environment-but he hates it, and he doesn’t feel safe with Montparnasse.  Again: Montparnasse is loyal to men  he considers comrades; women and children, less so. And this isn’t a book that thinks particularly well of men who aren’t kind to women and children.

I think Montparnasse is a bit of a tragic character in that he represents a failing of society; he’s so young--it’s likely that most of his crimes were committed before he would be legally considered an adult by most modern standards-- and already his life is blighted by genuinely horrible crimes that have caused real human loss, and his course is pretty much set for the gallows. He’s done this in pursuit of a specific social ideal–to have the kind of lifestyle that marks an idle rich gentleman– and in that sense he is perhaps a comment on the warped roles that society glamorizes and holds up for emulation. There’s perhaps a sense of him being the inevitable end result of a society that’s glorifying exploitation and cruelty, of him being someone mutated by the fallout of the same energy that helps people like Tholomyes grow powerful.

But however Montparnasse got where he is, and whatever he reflects about society, in his present state he’s murderously awful and, importantly, content to be so.  It’s as close to his dream job as he can get. Valjean’s attempt to Myrielize with him fails entirely. As prudencepaccard discusses, Hugo describes Montparnasse as almost supernaturally horrifying--like a vampire, like a zombie, a spiritless monster that exists only to prey on the living even while he technically is  one of the living. Whatever good may still be in Montparnasse, whatever salvation is possible for him, it needs not just  rescue but a resurrection.  

So I guess that’s my thoughts on Montparnasse!

...oh also in case you’re wondering if you’ve forgotten something from the book: no, he and the Amis never interact or show any signs of knowing each other aside from Courfeyrac giving Marius a general warning about Patron Minette. 

Some links and longer (sometimes much longer) discussions about Montparnasse and his context!

The Devil’s Dandy: some commentary on Montparnasse-as-Dandy by @prudencepaccard​ , who has definitely done the research on the topic, and a conversation with @edwarddespard​:

One

Two 

My own thoughts on Montparnasse and some of the other Men of Leisure in the novel

Montparnasse as a dark mirror for Marius, and how Hugo uses them both to discuss his concepts of Idleness-as-fatal-flaw

@perlumi-delirium​‘s  excellent post on how Montparnasse may have been inspired by the murderous Pop Phenom of the day, Lacenaire

a conversation with @needsmoreresearch​  about the role the PM plays as actual assassins and agents of government oppression; more about the rest of the Patron Minette, but still relevant for context