#danny sexbang fanfiction

[musicallyseducingallthehotties]

"Leftovers" A Tale from the Scrolls of NSP

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🦃Happy Thanksgiving! 🦃

In honor of this wonderful holiday, I cooked up some nice, delicious fanfiction.

....Well, delicious is a... peculiar way to describe this fic.

Anyway....

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Summary: On Thanksgiving Night, Ninja Brian walks up to the doorstep of his greatest enemies: The Samurai Abstinence Patrol. He's not here to kill them, but to give them delicious Thanksgiving leftovers instead! WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG? Spoilers: Everything.

Word count: 6238 words

Rating: Mature

Tags: One Shot, Humor, Horror, Action, Canon-divergent, Body Horror, Implied Death, Vomiting/Emetophobia, Gore, Hellraiser-styled Resurrection

Content warning for nudity, gore, vomit, descriptions of certain body parts, some body horror, and boners.

What won't be in this fic is smut. If you're looking for that... uh... go find a different fic.

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Today was a good day to be the Samurai Abstinence Patrol.

The streets were bustling and no one was busting a nut.

The only thing that was getting plowed was the recent snowfall.

And the only kind of tits that were exposed to the cold air were the small songbirds. Particularly the tufted titmouse.

There wasn't just a lack of premarital sex; there was a lack of any sexual activity.

And why would there be? Today was Thanksgiving.

To most of the population of the United States of America, it was a time of togetherness and being thankful for what you have.

To the Samurai Abstinence Patrol, it was their day off.

Every year, the time-warped duo relax in their one story home, usually playing video games and painting portraits of their garden.

....but they always had a feeling that this peace would not last.

Especially when their arch nemeses were Ninja Sex Party.

The two spandex-clad men were the pure antithesis of the values that the samurai held.

The one in black, Ninja Brian, killed his opponents without mercy and disrespected their corpses.

The one in blue... was a different kind of evil.

He not only had numerous amounts of premarital sex, but he caused the catalyst that led to Arin Neverbone and Samurai Barry catapulting themselves to the strange place called "Tokyo, New Jersey".

They could still remember it. The mysterious hole being torn through the sky. The visions of that man's lecherous acts filling and corrupting the minds of the village people. Just the very sight of his testicles formed riots against the Tokugawa shogunate and their noble samurai.

To the people of the city of Tokyo, New Jersey, he was known as "Danny Sexbang". But to the Samurai Abstinence Patrol and the village of Furuya, Japan as a whole, they only knew him by one name.

"Kōgan akuma"

The Testicle Devil.

And no matter what, he would always find a way to shove his horny energy into any situation, both metaphorically and literally.

Especially during Thanksgiving.

....However, this year was different.

There was a distinct lack of Ninja Sex Party-esque shenanigans in town.

No one was murdered.

No object, woman, or mime was boned.

Not even a sighting at the Boner Time Bar.

It almost seemed too good to be true... and this put the Samurai Abstinence Patrol on high alert.

The two samurai took turns examining the neighborhood for any salacious activity, so far yielding no results.

On the eighteenth hour it was Barry's turn to investigate, leaving Arin Neverbone alone in HQ.... which meant another attempt at "Battle Kid: Fortress of Peril".

Perhaps this time, he would be able to defeat the Lotus Guardian.

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Fifty-eight minutes had past and no progress had been made.

He couldn't tell how many times he had died anymore, nor did he care.

The taste of victory was being dangled at Arin like a carrot, and he would only get a slight taste of it before it got yanked away from him.

Not this time. This time, he will-

*DING DONG!*

The doorbell rang, killing not only the pink samurai's concentration, but the titular Battle Kid once more.

His patience snapped.

"FUAAAAAAAAAACK!"

Arin Neverbone slammed down the controller and stomped towards the front door, ready to beat the intruder senselessly.

"NANDESHOU??!"

It was Ninja Brian, wearing a football jersey-esque tee that said "Today is Football" over his black shirt.

He was holding multiple clear plastic containers.

Arin readied his bow and arrow as he felt his chi manifesting into a pair of wings.

<Ninja Brian is not here to fight you.> The ninja telepathically communicated to the hostile samurai.

Each of the containers was labelled in black marker. "Turkey", "Cranberry Sauce", "Mashed Potatoes", "Stuffing", "Green Beans", "Gravy"...

<Ninja Brian made a lot of Thanksgiving leftovers. Danny was busy...>

Ninja Brian rolled his eyes.

<....."doing things", so Ninja Brian had to have Thanksgiving over with his wife and kid.>

"Waifu?" Arin slowly put down his bow.

<There's a lot you don't know about Ninja Brian.>

<Talking with your mouth rather than your fists will do wonders on your shitty social life.>

Arin Neverbone's puzzled expression hasn't left his face.

"Watashitachiha iwaimasen."

<This is not a Thanksgiving gift. Consider these leftovers as a sort of peace offering from the both of us.>

The ninja rested a hand on Arin's shoulder. It was strange to see Brian with an expression other than intense blood lust.

Something was off.

"Kore mo anata no jaakuna sakuryaku no hitotsudeshou ka?"

<....Wow. We were actually trying to be nice to you right now and this is how you respond? Accusing us of plotting vengeance against you after last week's "incident"?>

Arin stifled a laugh; the memory of watching Ninja Brian scrambling around and being chased by zombies was still fresh in his mind.

".....Gomen."

<Yeah you better be sorry, you dick.> Ninja Brian shoved the containers into the pink samurai's arms.

<Enjoy the rest of your night.>

Arin watched as Ninja Brian walked away from the house and faded into the shadows, leaving the pink samurai alone on the doorstep and holding containers of thanksgiving leftovers.

Confused about what just happened, he walked back inside with the food in tow.

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It was now 1900 hours.

The stout, armored body of Samurai Barry entered the house, unbothered despite walking in 32 degree snowy weather.

"Mada ano hentai futari ga mitsukaranai." the green samurai muttered, satisfied by the lack of Ninja Sex Party in the area.

"Ninja ga watashitachi no genkan ni imashita."

"Eh?" Barry perked up at the mention of ninjas. "Dochiradeshita ka? Aodesu ka, soretomo kurodesu ka?"

".....kuro. Kare wa ore ni kono tabemono o zenbu kuremashita."

Samurai Barry returned to his calm, blank expression, before slowly shifting into one full of curiosity.

Ninja Brian? Giving food? To them?

He looked over towards the chabudai, a low Japanese dining table. Multiple containers of food were resting on top of it.

"Shikashi, naze?"

"Heiwa no sasagemono." the ambivalent pink samurai explained, looking at the containers as well.

Ninja Brian wasn't known to hand out peace offerings like this. Or any form of peace for that matter.

....Unless?

"Kōgan akuma-?"

Arin shook his head.

The two samurai looked at each other. Then at the food. Then back to each other.

An awkward silence permeated the area, until the buff pink one decided to chime in.

"Kono tabemono o muda ni suru koto wa dekimasen."

Barry initially wanted to protest against eating the food, but the last time he ate was 6 hours ago, and he was starting to feel hungry after all that patrolling...

"*sigh*... mochiron." the green samurai relented.

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After heating up the leftovers, the two samurai placed them in really nice plates and wooden bowls and set them on their low table.

The smell of spices and aromatics permeated the area, causing Arin to give in to his primal instincts and began to feast.

He snatched a turkey leg and tore it apart with his teeth.

Despite being reheated bird meat, it was juicy and flavorful.

Across from him, Samurai Barry was brewing some tea. He has yet to touch any of the leftovers.

"Naze tabenai nodesu ka?" Arin looked at Barry, confused as to why he hasn't eaten anything yet.

"Ocha ga ire owaru made wa." The green samurai pointed at his teapot.

"AUUUGH. Ocha no koto nante wasurete, nanika tabe nasai yo!" The pink samurai was exasperated. This was not the best time for Barry to be his patient, unwavering self.

"Ocha ga ire owaru made wa."

"Ocha ga ire owaru made wa." Arin mocked his compatriot, "Sore wa itsudesu ka? Tabemono ga sameta tokidesu ka?"

Barry rolled his eyes. Arin was inhaling the turkey like he was a part of an eating competition.

"Hrgh. Chinko no fukuro o tabe ni itte kudasai." Barry cursed as he picked up the wooden spoon to get a scoop full of mashed potatoes.

Meanwhile, Arin finished the last of the turkey. He looked over the table to find more, but he couldn't find any.

What he did find was some sort of red, can-shaped substance with the size of a coffee tin.

He poked, hypnotized by its jiggling motions.

Arin grabbed a small piece of the jelly and put it in his mouth. It was sweet, but also had some tart notes.

"Myummmm~"

"Korehanandesuka?" Arin Neverbone leaned over to his good friend, curious about the ruby red delicacy.

"Soreha… Cranberry Sauce."

"Cranberry Sauce...." His eyes sparkled with wonder, making him grab more of the canned sauce product with his bare hands.

Barry, meanwhile, was having the opposite reaction to the mashed potatoes.

In the past eight years of living in Tokyo, New Jersey, the Samurai Abstinence Patrol still haven't fully accustomed themselves to the culture and norms present there, but they had an easier time with understanding the kinds of foods and dishes served in that country.

Thanksgiving dinner was a first for them, though. They only knew what the food should be like from advertisements.

Mashed potatoes were supposed to be fluffy and creamy not.... like the texture of gravel.

"Fudan wa kon'na kanji no ajidesu ka?"

"Mmph. Osoraku beikudopoteto de tsukura reta monoda to omoimasu." Arin replied, explaining away the odd texture as he kept shoveling more cranberry sauce in his foodhole.

Before the green samurai could swallow the potatoes, he felt a weird crawling sensation in his mouth.

Was it a bug?

Barry paused and slowly masticated on the substance to make sure.

No movement.

Reassured that he couldn't feel any bugs in his mouth, he kept chewing on the grainy potatoes..... only for it to squirm again.

Barry spat out the mashed potatoes onto the plate in disgust.

"Nanika ga ugoita!" he exclaimed, pointing at the slop.

Arin froze mid-chew, cranberry sauce dripping off his chin.

Skepticism was soon forming on his face, but not for long.

On Barry's plate, the blob of chewed up mashed potatoes began to pulsate like a slime mold. Little tendrils emerged and began touching the surface of the plate until the substance was able to slowly push itself forward.

Before long, it gained enough speed to slither off the plate. The strange blob crawled across the table until it reached its destination:

The bowl of mashed potatoes.

The form reached out to the rest of the off-white mush.

Without warning, the contents of the bowl came to life and devoured the smaller globule, startling the two samurai.

It slurped back inside the bowl and went still for a brief moment... before it began to ripple.

Five bubbles began to emerge from the mass and swelled until they popped, revealing thin, writhing tubes. They bloated and stretched into finger-like appendages before dividing themselves into three distinct pieces.

The squishy, granular texture solidified and hardened as the forms gained more detail, turning what started off as shapeless pillars of mashed potatoes into the finger bones of a human being.

Arin and Barry's eyes widened in disbelief.

"Korehanani no majutsudesu ka???" Arin shrilled as the two men jumped out of their seats. Barry's short-tempered compatriot stumbled around as he grabbed his bow and arrow and readied himself.

"Matte." The green samurai lowered Arin's bow and arrow while analyzing the mush from a safe distance.

The phalanges were raising upwards. Another set of pillars emerged, morphed, and hardened into another set of finger bones. More of the mashed potatoes bubbled near the pillars, forming strategically placed bits of calcium to create....

A hand.

With four, thin delicate fingers... and one stubby thumb.

"Iya… soreha murida…" Arin was in a state of denial. There was no valid reason as to why one of their worst enemies was coming out of their food.

The hand was propelled upward with the white mush as it began to form the long twisting forms of the radius and ulna, followed by the humerus.

While the skull began to form, the cranberry sauce sprung to life and began to coat the hand. The mush solidified into strings of muscle, nerves, and blood vessels, wrapping and connecting the lifeless bones.

The arm twitched and started to move, pulling the rest of the mashed potatoes with it as it crawled towards the sauce. A second pair of fingers emerged, erupting into a second arm while the other one gained more muscle.

Sitting and watching was no longer an option.

"Jigoku ni ochiro!!" Arin roared as he fired a bow at the abomination's newly formed head, exploding it into mashed potato goo....

....for a brief second.

The skull reformed rather quickly; the splatters rubbernecking back into the familiar shape before refining its features.

The jawline, the scar on the right side of his face where his eyebrows would be, the indentation of the chin...

There is no mistaking this skeleton for anyone else now.

"KŌGAN AKUMA! Akuma yo, moto no basho e kaere!!"

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Arin Neverbone charged forth with his katana as he unleashed his battle cry, fueled by the determination of making this corpse stay a corpse.

Unfortunately, the two samurai are dealing with Danny Sexbang, who was considered by many as the toughest ninja in the world.

A slowly regenerating Danny Sexbang, but it was him nonetheless.

The emerging skeleton rolled himself off the table with the cranberry sauce, causing the potato mixture to splosh wildly. As the clavicle and scapula took shape, the long streaks of white ooze morphed and hardened into the leg bones and the spine. Meanwhile, the larger splash-like shapes wrapped around the spine, forming the ribcage and pelvis.

Just as the two samurai were about to ambush the incomplete man, the rest of the cranberry sauce fell flat onto the skull.

They froze in place, holding their weapons high in the air.

"Aah, Kuso..."

Danny didn't need a translator to know that the Samurai Abstinence Patrol were simultaneously shitting their pants.

Or ears for that matter.

Not when he has been trained to feel the life energy surrounding him.

The rouge goo consumed his skull and rushed down his neck before coating the rest of his skeletal frame. A little bit of the sludge slorped inside the rib cage while the rest began to spread to his arms. Most of the slime was turning into muscle fibers, but some of them bloated and stretched inside the outer film, turning into various organs.

He could already feel some of his senses coming back. Eyes emerged from empty sockets while his hearing system was in the process of reconstructing itself.

His brain formed soon after, reconnecting his lost senses.

He now knew where he was, but...

How the hell am I gonna get out of here?

The two samurai charged at Danny as he crawled around with whatever upper body strength he had right now. Globules of slime dripped down from the neck area as it began to reform his lungs.

From the outsider looking in, he looked like he was in agonizing pain. In reality, his otherworldly regenerative abilities were anesthetizing his entire body, causing him to feel nothing but a strange, tingling sensation.

However, the regeneration induced numbness can only last so long before it wears off. He had no choice but to fight.

As the green samurai rushed in to try to break down the still regenerating muscles in his legs, Danny rolled his eyeballs back to his skull and focused on his chi.

The world was black again as he saw the green aura of Samurai Barry. Spiritually, Danny's body was all intact.

Especially his amazing penis.

With his confidence reinvigorated, the regenerating corpse stimulated his own spiritual energy simply by having a single horny thought about girls.

Particularly one involving that hot blonde he saw on TV the other day.

He felt the familiar warmth of his chi emerging from deep inside him and concentrated it to his eyes.

Now... build up...

A bright blue form that vaguely looked like his junk glowed in front of his loins, pulsing with warmth. The energy slowly raised up through his body until they were finally at where he wants them to be.

...and RELEASE!

Danny's eyes sparkled with energy as he fired a concentrated ocular beam towards Barry's sword, causing it to fly off his hands and into the ceiling.

"Kuso ~tsu..." The green samurai cursed in a hushed tone. He tried pulling it out, but the katana was lodged in the ceiling's drywall.

If I had vocal chords right now, I would be laughing my ass off.

The growing leg muscles finally connected to his feet, giving him enough strength to finally pick himself back u-

"SHINE, KŌGAN AKUMA!!"

Arin Neverbone lunged out towards the still regenerating man with a surprise attack.

Frightened, Danny opened his jaw and released some kind of high-pitched screech from his newly formed airpipe.

This caught the pink samurai off guard, causing him to drop all of his arrows and pratfall from one of them.

The corpse burst into fits of laughter. It was shrill and hyena-like; a complete departure from Danny's usual dulcet tenor, but he didn't care. His own prophecy had been fulfilled.

Offended, Arin tried to get back up once more.... only to trip on yet another arrow.

The cacophony of cackles continued, gradually lowering in pitch as the vocal folds continued to rebuild.

"Naze kisama wa waratte iru nodesu ka?!" the man lashed back upon being laughed at by a slimy, squeaky voiced zombie.

A slimy, squeaky voiced zombie that was now starting to stand up, towering the samurai with a fragile ego.

Danny's facial muscles were bursting from the oozing red slime and began to attach themselves to his skull, revealing more and more of his smile.

Arin has had enough.

"DAMARE!!!!!"

Using his chi, Danny pulled the energy to his diaphragm, not only allowing him to unleash a longer scream, but to not put stress on his throat and, by extension, his vocal chords.

Because his larynx was still regenerating, he was limited to a slightly smaller range. Any attempt to go beyond that would strain his pipes and result in utter defeat.

Arin was resisting the overwhelming push of the sonic burst, walking towards the corpse with a burning fury.

He threw off the top of his gi, revealing a chubby yet muscular physique. Pink energy in the shape of a heart pulsed in his chest as he began to manifest wing shaped constructs from his exposed back.

He slowly pulled out his katana from his gi pants, preparing to strike again.

Shit.... this isn't enough...

Danny took in another breath.

Alright, you douchey cockblocker. Looks like I'm gonna have to shred my voice after all.

Note to self... brew tea later.

He pulled more chi into his vocal chords, duplicating his own voice to create a polyphonic choir.

As Arin Neverbone rushed towards his opponent, Danny released a barrage of noise, pushing the samurai further away but still not stopping his resolve.

Danny's eyes darted around the room, trying desperately to find something that will help turn the tides in his favor. Thankfully, he didn't have to wait very long; a sharp fluctuation in pitch alerted him that his Adam's apple was reforming.

Oh HELLO, lower octaves! What took you so long?

As Danny's voice began to readjust itself, he slowly expanded the range of his choir ability, raising and lowering the pitch of the vocal copies while they gained more timbre.

The pink samurai continued to press forward, but something was making the simple act of standing on two feet difficult. He felt the earth below his feet rumbling, slowly growing more violent as Danny's lower register reemerged.

Once Arin Neverbone started to wobble, the slender songbird let loose a powerful holler, causing his enemy to lose his balance and slide across the wooden floor.

Meanwhile, Samurai Barry, after numerous failed attempts, succeeded in freeing the katana from of the drywall.

"He~tsu. Wakatta yo."

Sadly, his victory was short-lived. His compatriot was skidding towards the green samurai... and he only had a few brief moments to react.

CRASH!

The two men collided with each other and slammed against the wall of their clean house.

...correction. Formerly clean house.

A picture frame fell on top of one of them and shattered.

"Ha HA! Thath's whath happhens when you messth wipth me, shit-for-brains!" Danny crowed as his tongue finished mending, "....God I missed hearing myself speak."

By now, all of his muscles have finally formed and what little fat pads he had were almost complete. There's only one part left to regenerate.

The deep red slime covering his body tightened around his slim yet muscular frame and solidified into pale skin. He saw moles and scars reappear and his nails growing out from his smooth form.

The bald, naked form of Danny Sexbang now stood before the battered samurai, looking like he just came out from the pods from The Matrix.

It wouldn't be for long; a violent tug from his head broke his concentration and almost made him stumble. Thick, curly tresses fell onto his face.

Danny pulled some of the loose curls away from his visage to get a better view of his lithe figure.

A cocky smile emerged from his lips.... that quickly shifted to confusion.

Upon instinctively tracing his form, he was still perplexed by how he was still hairless. His body hair should've been regrowing by now, especially since every part of him had been regenerated.

.....right?

Danny's free hand traveled down to his crotch.

He froze, looking like he just realized that he left his wallet at home.

"....Where's my dick?"

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The two samurai looked down.

The area where Danny's junk should be was now a bloody, bite-mark shaped flesh wound with what appears to be the hole of a fleshy tube. It was almost like he was a jelly filled donut... and someone took a big bite out of him.

They looked around the dining room. There was no more cranberry sauce left on the plate.

Barry, upon realizing what just happened, looked over to his partner in crime in disgust.

"Naze."

"eh?" Arin titled his head, oblivious to what he did.

"ughhh... bakane…" Barry covered his face with his hand. He forgot that Arin was sometimes dumber than bricks.

His partner gestured to Danny's wound, then pointed to Arin's mouth.

The conclusion still hadn't reached the pink samurai... until something began to stir in his stomach.

"Ah..... phuack......" he wrapped his arms around his body. Something was squirming inside and it was trying to climb out.

The nausea was starting to sink in.

A normal person would try to hold it in and make a beeline towards the bathroom and expel the contents, but Arin was no ordinary man.

He was a samurai.

By running away, he would be going against his own code.

He didn't care that he was fighting a piece of cranberry sauce that was actually his opponent's genitals.

A samurai fights until the bitter end and a samurai never changes his path, and if Danny gets his junk back, they're screwed.

Arin used all the muscles in his digestive system to prevent the throbbing slime from exiting his digestive tract, but it just kept fighting.

It punched and kicked its way through his stomach and up his esophagus, causing him to double over in pain.

He tried swallowing it back down. It wouldn't relent.

He tried stuffing his face with food to keep it busy. The food just kept getting pushed out of his mouth.

He tried drinking tea to wash it down. Samurai Barry blocked his comrade with his blade and an angry scowl, and handed him a bottle of water instead.

Even then, this did nothing. Arin spewed out the water before it could make it to the slowly emerging blob.

There had to be something, anything, to stop this monstrosity from exiting his own body.

That's when he saw it. The wooden spoon that Barry used to scoop the mashed potatoes with.

"Kamisama, tasuketekudasai..."

With one last prayer, He shoved the handle of the wooden spoon down his throat, avoiding any area that would trigger his gag reflex, to make sure the lone slime wouldn't be able reunite with its father. So far, it was working.

He continued to battering ram the goo down his esophagus, spewing out chimp-like noises in the process, when...

"HURAK!"

The handle accidentally grazed the back of his throat, causing him to projectile vomit a large, beer can shaped blob of deep red goo and the wooden spoon straight at Danny.

The limber ninja got smacked in the head by the spoon and fell, but before he could hit the ground, the slime managed to make contact with his body and landed on his chest. The cold sludge trickled down Danny's naked form before finally stopping at his loins and lodging itself into the wound.

"Ackghuh...! There it is!" his voice strained.

A sharp jolt made him wince, but the familiar tingles of regenerative numbness soon took over. Due to how sensitive his bits were, slime gestated them inside a thin veil of cranberry covered goo.

Barry closed his eyes immediately as the familiar forms of Danny's junk began to take shape. Arin, however, took longer to react. He was still recovering from the recent regurgitation as he curled himself into a ball.

Barry, with eyes still shut and a desire to not have his friend get harmed even further, used his chi to find Arin's body. He lifted him up with his stout muscles and proceeded to take him to the bathroom.

Danny, meanwhile, was not paying attention to either samurai. He was more focused on his privates, watching intensively as he saw all the parts grow and reconstitute themselves.

He didn't care that it was gonna hurt like hell afterwards.

He just wanted to make sure his prized possessions came back correctly.

Sure enough, they did.

Once his parts was reconstructed, the slime started to shift in texture and color, wrapping and shifting to turn into the skin that covered the shaft of his scepter and cradled his family jewels.

His genitalia, now fully formed, succumbed to gravity and plopped onto the wooden floor.

Danny beamed as he got off the ground, happy to see his junk dangling between his legs again.

He grasped the hilt of his mighty sword.

At last, he was whole once more.

"Welcome back, Excalibur."

Suddenly, a thick burst of curls erupted all around the base of his blade, spooking the slender fellow as it expanded outward to his inner thighs. His balls followed suit, growing sparse hairs all over his sack.

"Aaaaand welcome back, 70s bush." Danny's smile drooped to a slight grimace.

Regeneration was making his nuts work overtime, pumping his body full of testosterone. Like clockwork, the rest of his body hair emerged; the various strands squeezed out of his skin in various lengths and thicknesses like clay being pushed through a mold.

Danny was especially happy to see his chest hair grow back, celebrating by tracing circles around the congregation of curls on his sternum with his two slender fingers.

It might not be the thick pelt that one of his heroes, David Lee Roth, had, but it gave his slender build a more masculine edge.

"Yep. We're soooooo back, baby." Danny purred.

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Before Danny could succumb to his chemically boosted libido, he slapped himself across the face.

"Focus, Sexbang! This is no time to start touching yourself! You need to get the hell out of douchebag HQ!"

The naked man walked towards the door, but just as he was about to leave his eyes wandered towards the table.... or whatever was left of it.

Surrounding the piles of splattered food and broken plates was a traditional Japanese tea set, completely unscathed.

He touched the teapot. It was still warm!

Danny's voice was still shot from all the screaming he had to do and the regenerative numbness was going to wear off soon.

He could wait till he got home and get the pain out of the way, or...

Danny poured himself a cup of the herbal tea. The grassy scent of matcha hit his nostrils as he chugged down the contents. The slightly bitter taste made him shiver a little, but the sweet, familiar taste of honey made swallowing the concoction a lot easier.

This was exactly what he needed.

"Mmmm..." Danny hummed, rubbing his throat as he felt the warm tea slither down his esophagus.

The man paused. Despite being numb, he realized that the texture on the upper region of his neck seemed different.

It was courser and rougher, almost as if he hadn't shaved in a while and sprouted a neck beard in the process. Which could only mean one thing...

Danny's hands traveled upward to his face, feeling scruffy hairs on his lips and chin that extended towards his jawline before becoming scragglier and stopping at the highest part of his cheeks.

"Huh. Guess I grew a whole ass beard."

"...."

"If this is what happens when my head gets completely obliterated along with my body, then I should get my head destroyed more often! Makes growing mustaches and goatees a hell of a lot easier." he laughed as he took another swig of the tea.

"Well, I am gonna have a whole day trimming the hedges tomorrow, so f--k it. Might as well also make it the day I do some really stupid facial experi-"

*SCHWACK!*

Someone tackled the nude and distracted Danny onto the ground.

And that someone was a very pissed off Samurai Barry.

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"Man... you guys don't know when to quit..."

The short green samurai slammed his foot down onto his opponent's chest and squatted down.

Usually Barry's deep, blue eyes had a soul-piercing quality that came from his unwavering sense of justice and honor. Here, they were no different from Danny's ninja compatriot's; they were filled with rage and his black pupils were sharp like daggers.

With no other options, Danny pulled out his signature move.

"Oh, are you jealous by the fact that I can grow a sexier beard than you? Come on. You could've attacked me at any time... or are you scared to kill me 'cause I kicked more ass than both of you ever will?"

Danny was making a bluff check.

If there was one thing that Danny Sexbang was really good at, besides making love, it was improvisation.

Because of his long history with Dungeons and Dragons, he was able to weave complex tales on the spot and most of the time his charisma helped do all the heavy lifting.

Thanks to the recent burst of hormones, his gambit had some weight to it. Danny's beard was indeed thicker, fuller, and had covered more facial area than Barry's, albeit slightly patchy in the cheek region.

He even lowered his voice down an octave to not only highlight his more rugged appearance, but to make himself sound more macho to intimidate and emasculate the samurai.

All he needed was his opponent to believe him.

"Ore no ocha."

Unfortunately for Danny, Samurai Barry wasn't in the mood to humor his bluff and had bigger fish to fry.... like dealing with some asshole drinking his tea.

".....oh shit that was your te-?"

"Ore no ocha o nomimashita ne." Barry snarled, trying to hold back from completely ripping apart his opponent. He could've activated his chi and screamed at Danny until he was nothing but a pile of dust... but that wasn't the way of the warrior.

His death should be treated with respect... which means it was going to be swift and painless. And he was planning to make sure that his head will never reunite with his body ever again.

"Ohkaaaaaaay.... As much as I like to kick your ass, my own body is planning to kick my ass pretty soon, so how 'bout we-" Samurai Barry pressed his katana against Danny's throat.

"Anata dokoni mo ikimasen."

"Dude, come on! I just got these pipes back! Let a man rest first before he gets torn the f--k up."

Barry wasn't relenting. He turned to the side while he kept his foot on his opponent's chest and began to raise his blade.

"Anata o korosu mae ni nanika saigo ni iitai koto wa arimasu ka?"

Danny's eared perked up, a devious smile emerging from his face.

"Last words, hmm?"

His body was still deluged in the regeneration-induced influx of testosterone. It made him into a sexual firecracker that was ready to explode.

All he needed was something to ignite it... and the samurai foolishly gave him a window of opportunity to strike.

"Ok."

Danny took a deep breath as he mentally prepared himself to execute the plan.

".....Boobies." he said in his signature "sex voice", a deep and husky growl that oozed with hunger.

Barry, meanwhile, was confused.

"......boobies?"

That one word was enough for Danny's sex-obsessed brain to trigger a chain reaction of thoughts and images, stimulating not only his junk, but his chi in the process.

Even though the numbness was still present in his body, Danny felt the bubbly warmth of his mojo surge within his pelvis, causing his long mane to stand on end.

The brilliant blue energy began to flow upward, emerging from the base of Excalibur and steadily enveloping his shaft. Right as his mojo reached the tip of his blade, the bush surrounding it was ablaze with his lustful aura. His veins began to pump the mighty sword full of chi, expanding and springing it upward to its full, glorious length.

His testicles, Alpha and Omega, were bathed in the energy as well. Omega rumbled out pink vibrations, while its sibling, Alpha, was releasing small sparks of cyan colored electricity.

Danny's confidence, much like his schlong, swelled with fervor.

"OH, NOOOOOOOOH!"

By the time Barry realized what was happening, it was already too late.

With the energy building up inside his loins now reaching critical capacity, Danny pelvic thrusted upwards, unleashing a pleasure-filled shockwave that sent the green samurai flying across the dining room and crashing into a wall.

Danny got up from the floor, standing triumphant and satisfied, almost like he released a month's worth of pelvic frustration. His fellow Admiral Excalibur relaxed as the spiritual boost wore off.

"Well whatdya know! I just killed two birds with one stone. I kicked your ass and I don't have to clear my schedule for an impromptu 50 person orgy."

Barry, still reeling from being thrown against the wall and getting electrocuted, could only reply with a pained moan.

"I know, it's sad, but preparing an orgy like that takes a lot of planning,.... and sending out invitations..... and buying supplies....and it just turns the act of having sex with a lot of people into work. And nothing kills boners quite like boring ass work."

The samurai replies with a pained moan, again.

"Come on, dude! Look on the bright side. I didn't have to jerk off onto anything! Win for me, win for you."

Another pained moan completes the rule of three.

"Now, if you excuse me, I got some important business to attend to. ....And for once, it's not about masturbation."

Danny walks over to the door and leaves....

....before coming back once more.

"...oh, and one more thing. I hope you and Arin feel better. Sorry for... all of this."

The lanky man finally exited the wrecked house as Barry succumbed to his injuries and fell flat onto the floor.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Danny bolted from SAP's headquarters and headed straight towards his place. He didn't care that he was running around the neighborhood buck naked at night. He was used to it.

Thank god it was just a block away...

Upon reaching his house, he frantically tried to open the door.

Son of a bitch... it's locked...

Danny looked around the house for any other potential openings, but they were locked too.

...wait what am I thinking? I still got the tingles.

Without hesitation, Danny ran towards the nearest window and crashed into it, landing on the dining room table. He shrugged off the various splinters and glass shards that were piercing his flesh.

Just a minor inconvenience... for now.

Danny's eyes locked onto the refrigerator. His junk was going hurt the hardest. Luckily, a nice ice pack to the nuts would make things... slightly bearable at best.

Or, in this case, a bag of frozen peas.

He went to the fridge, trying to locate the titular sack of chilled vegetable spheres.

Ninja Brian, ruthless asshole that he is, peeped out of the entertainment room, seeing a birthday suit donned Danny rummaging through the metal ice box.

<So, did you learn your lesson about not banging Ninja Brian's Thanksgi-?>

"YEAH YEAH I LEARNED MY LESSON I'M NOT GONNA F--K YOUR TURKEY ANYMORE WHERE'S THE FROZEN PEAS??"

<Freezer. Second Shelf.>

"THANKS MAN."

<Nice beard by the wa-.>

"NAH NAH NAH CAN'T HEAR YOU HAPPY THANKSGIVINGGGG!"

Danny ran down the hall to his room while Ninja Brian reluctantly resumed watching the halftime show. He slammed the door and leaped onto his bed, bag of frozen peas at the ready.

It was only a matter of time before the tingles wore off.

....and the time was now.

..........

Across the hall, Ninja Brian laid on the couch with pillows covering his ears, resisting the urge to murder the television. Not even a sax solo was going to make him feel better about the halftime show.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!"

Ninja Brian perked up.

Girly bloodcurdling screams reverberated through the hall and it showed no signs of stopping.

<Finally.... some good f--king music.>

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

le FIN

[littlemousywitch]

Bedtime stories with The Grumps. 

As well as singing, Dan has a lovely speaking voice too, I wonder if he’s ever considered recording an audiobook.

[egobanghaven]

Grumpy Introduction ✧˚ · .

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙ hiyyaaa! with a new blog comes another introduction. i'll keep it simple so we don't get bored! i'm athena. i'm twenty and definitely not in college. i spend my time playing games, writing, making art, and just generally trying to survive each day. i have a main blog where i post and like just about everything but here, i'm focusing on my love for Game Grumps! here, you'll find... 𓆩♡𓆪 fanfiction, art, and plenty of reposts 𓆩♡𓆪 disclaimer! this is purely for entertainment. i don't write or make art to make anyone uncomfortable, im just neurodivergent and incredibly obsessed. my inbox is open, so feel free to suggest headcannons, oneshots, art/story ideas, art/story commissions, questions, etc!

[bunnyychi]

Me when Danny Sexbang:

Btw, just a little disclaimer:

I know that a lot of people in the Oneyplays fandom (which I am currently really active in) do not like the Game Grumps or anything associated with them. While I now know the reasons I will not start switching sides or anything because I do not know any of the people in this conflict in real life. I'm neither friends with DingDong nor Arin Hanson but I know for a fact that GameGrumps as a channel has gotten me through one of the worst times of my life and has helped me become the person who I am today.

Especially the WindWaker playthrough where Dan talked about his OCD and his depression has helped me realized that I am not alone (I do not have OCD, I do have diagnosed depressive episodes though) and for that I will be forever grateful.

I know this whole disclaimer is quite random but I just wanted to put my perspective out there, especially because I put the GameGrumps into my Oneyplays fanfiction (which I did before I knew of DingDongs and Julians experiences). I do not plan on changing that though.

I just hope this can be a save space for fans of both to express themselves because hey, in the end, none of us were part of the conflict.

(Oh and by the way please stop mentioning Arin being a bad guy because there are recordings of him saying the N-word when I literally listened to an episode of sleepycast yesterday where Zach said it as well 💀)

[justwritingscibbles]

Lost and Squashed

I had a random flash of inspiration to write for Danny Sexbang and Ninja Brian. But before you read it, I recommend watching/listening to this video since the inspiration was birthed from it.

Warnings: Blood, flirtatious stuff, weapons, a little gore

5am.... why in the world was someone beating at your door at 5am? 

Why did you have near hundreds of messages and missed calls from Danny since 3am??? 

You groaned as the knocking turned to a real thumping. Your phone lighting up as an ID photo of Danny Sexbang, in a very erotic pose, thankfully in his spandex suit, filled the screen.  You didn’t bother answering the call. Instead dragged yourself out of the cozy blankets and towards the door.  Throwing it open and hissing viciously,

“It’s. 5. In. The. Morning!” 

Danny, not at all fazed by your anger, shoved his phone into his leather jacket and grabbed your shoulders. His eyes blown wide with near hysteria. 

“(Y/N)! You have to help me find Ninja Brian! It’s been two days and I haven’t seen him since the date and I think he could be in trouble or worse is actually falling for this chick and I don’t-” 

Danny was speaking far too fast for you to make any sense out of it. The vomit of words all coming out on one exhale of breath and you were sure he’d pass out if you didn’t cut in. “Whoa, whoa, rein in the horses for a second, Danny. What the fuck are you on about?” 

Danny took a deep breath and released your shoulders. Seeming to be a little calmer.  “Ninja Brian has gone missing. And I mean really missing. He hasn’t answered any of my snapchats or liked any of social website posts. He has just disappeared.” 

You raised an eyebrow and made a confused face. “He’s a ninja. That’s what he does.” 

“No! But this time, it’s different. I can just feel it. Look, I am begging you to come look for him with me. I’ll buy you breakfast! Have sex with you-” 

“No sex.” 

“Fine! I’ll shout breakfast and coffee. Just come on.” He grabbed your elbow and dragged you out of your apartment. Near running to the elevator and pressing the button multiple times in his attempt to make the machine go faster.  You pouted, covering yourself as best you could as Danny sprinted into the lobby and out of the apartment complex. 

“You couldn’t have let me get change?” You hissed as you hurried to keep up with him. 

“No time! Ninja Brian could be in danger!” Danny huffed. Opening the door to his... you guessed stolen car, since you remembered Danny didn’t have a license nor the money to own a car. 

“NB is not in danger. The man is danger! He’s basically all chaotic energy forced into a meat suit. No one would mess with him.” You slipped into the front seat and Danny clambered into the drivers seat. “You just want to see as much skin on me as possible!” 

Danny wasn’t quick enough to rein in his smirk. But he hid the smile behind a cough, which distantly sounded like, “Maybe”, as the vehicle shot into the air in a sheer vertical climb and soared over the city at frightening speed.  You huffed and crossed your arms over your chest. Ignoring the side glances Danny was giving you as you gazed down at the city.  “Ok, so where are we going to start? Why do you think NB is in danger?” 

“The last girl I went on a date with was NUTS! And those two hit it off like fireworks near the end of the date.” Danny replied. Narrowly missing a skyscraper as he jerked the wheel to the left. “I am never trusting your dating advice again.” 

“W-What?! My dating advice? Who the hell did I tell you to go on a date with?” 

“Shannon from your work. I thought she was real cute! And she was nice and, admittedly a little shy, but damn, after that first murder she turned into a real pyscho-” 

“Murder?!” You screeched. 

“Yes, (y/n), murder. Don’t change the subject! This is your fault!” Danny pointed a finger at you. Angrily mumbling how you were a terrible wing-person and was going to refuse every attempt at date giving from now on.... unless they were blonde. 

“No. No! Shannon is nice! She has dated like... three guys in her life-time... and you murdered someone on your first date?! I told you to stay away from Shannon!” 

“Well fuck, (y/n)! You know I can’t say no to a red head. She was so cute!” Danny looked ridiculously sad and you threw up your hands in anger as he turned his puppy eyes to you. 

“I cannot believe you. So what? NB and Shannon hit it off? Like Shannon could do anything to NB.” 

“Look, I do not trust her. Not after the 180 degree asylum turn she did that night. I just want to make sure Ninja Brian is ok and that he hasn’t been drugged up and used on the black market.” Danny said. Glancing at you when you didn’t answer right away. Glaring when he noticed the knowing smile on your lips. 

“Your bro-mance is adorabl-” 

“Shut up!” 

Danny drove until you reached Shannon’s apartment.  Or at least that’s what Danny told you. You only knew Shannon professionally through work. You never actually were friends, per say, but you knew her enough to try and save her from Danny’s predatory advances. 

“Ok, so I dropped her off here and then she rejected my second date proposal-” 

“Shocking.” You cut in. 

“And then I saw Ninja Brian in her window! That was the last time I saw those two. I kinda guessed Ninja Brian would come home when he’s ready.” Danny looked at his phone. Worry creasing his forehead when he had no new messages. 

“NB isn’t a cat, Danny. He’s a grown, very violent, man. He probably saw something red and went on a murder spree.” 

Danny hummed in agreement, but still didn’t like the fact he had heard nothing from his friend in two days. And worse, Shannon had blocked him on all social media sites. Even changed her number!!  “Alright. Lets go up and knock on her door, maybe they’re-” 

“Having weird, ninja, psycho sex. No thanks. My eyes are still damaged from seeing you with that Mime. I’m gonna ask down the street. Maybe the locals have seen them.” You left before Danny tried to persuade you into accompanying.  You’ve played side-kick with him before, and though it is fun, you didn’t have the patience for him right now. This early in the morning. NB was a better player for that. And so early in the morning, you didn’t expect Ninja Brian to be in bed just yet. 

You wandered towards a small bakery. A few streets over from the apartment complex. From the store owners you met along the way, you had a valid guess to where Ninja Brian might be. Or at least, where he had been.  The people had been terrified through the night. Telling you stories of blood-curdling screams. Explosions. And even the sirens of Police-Bots rushing towards a burning building. Only to end in more explosions. 

It definitely sounded like NB’s work. 

However, you stopped before you got too close. The windows were smashed and the brick walls looked scorched. The roof was caved in, still wet from the water you guessed a fire fighter used to put it out. Bits of metal were strewn around the place. A robot’s head lay cut in half on the bakery floor, it’s body falling from the rafters of the crumbling building. You gulped nervously. Not wanting to get closer, but the more you observed, the worse the picture.  Blood splatters, a severed hand on the tile floor, a few shuriken embedded into the wall.  You knew you were on the right track.  But before you could turn to go get Danny, a voice jerked your attention to the alley next to the bakery. The one you currently stood next too. 

“Hey! (Y/N)! Like my work? I tried to cook some bread but the ovens got too hot. Burnt the place down. Neat right!” 

“S-Shannon?” You asked. Your jaw dropping at the sight of the girl you knew, the same one that use to wear long skirts and sleeves. With minimum make-up and usually seen with a shy smile.  But now, she looked bad-ass. A collar rimmed her neck, the black leather jacket barely covering her very thin material shirt. Skin tight jeans and heeled boots, she was intimating before you noticed she carried a machete type blade. That just terrified. You scrambled for words, unable to believe this was your shy co-worker staring you down.  “D-Damn, girl. You look...different.” 

“Different? Different how?” The tone in her voice told you that their was no good answer here. And you raised your hands, in a type of surrender motion. 

“I didn’t mean it badly, Shannon. I swear. I’m just not use to you wearing... black.” 

Your face drained of blood when Shannon’s eyes creased in a cold glare. Her fingers tightening on the weapon’s handle as she raised it.  “You know what, (y/n), I was almost gonna spare you. But now you’re gonna be my last kill before breakfast.”  She rushed at you. The blade gleaming as she swung it down, aiming for your stomach.  But a cloud of smoke exploded between you, obscuring you from Shannon’s path. And you heard her grunt, and yell an upset shout. “Hey! Ninja Baby what are you doing? She’s mine.” 

You stepped back when the smoke cleared. Allowing you to see the very ninja you had been searching for standing in front of you. His hands had caught the machete between his palms, stopping it an inch in front of his chest.  His ever fury imbued gaze burning down on Shannon. But she didn’t even flinch at his gaze, she only frowned and lowered the weapon.  “Oh, you know her too?” Shannon said. Stepping back, to which Brian allowed the blade to drop from his hands. “Huh, sorry, (y/n), I got excited.” 

“Yeah.... no kidding.” You mumbled.  Brian turned to look at you. The fury still there, but a quizzical arch to his bushy eyebrows. His eyes going over your attire. “Danny basically beat down my door to drag me out to come look for you. He’s worried~” You added a teasing lint to your words.  Brian rolled his eyes and turned back to Shannon. Who had wandered off and was now beating a trash-can with a metal pipe she found. You continued to talk over the loud noise.  “Well, I’m not going to interrupt you two. So I’ll go tell Danny you’re ok, Brian. And hopefully get some sleep before work. See ya, Shannon! Uh... be safe.” 

Shannon smiled and waved goodbye. And you turned to leave, getting a few steps before Shannon called out.  “Hey! Baby, where are you going?” 

You looked back and found Brian had started to follow you. At Shannon’s call, he turned and pointed at you.  Confused, Shannon dropped the pipe and swaggered over. The machete being picked back up as she closed in.  “But... what about our ten murders before pancakes?” She asked.  Brain pointed to her, then to him and then made a slicing motion with his fists. Like he was breaking something.  Shannon gasped and eyes seemed to flood her eyes. Mascara running like streams down her cheeks. 

“W-Wait... you’re breaking up with me?” She asked, mid-sob. 

Brain nodded. And you were tempted to sprint for it. You did not want to be around a machete wielding woman after a break-up.  “Um... I’m gonna go...” 

“It’s your fault!” Shannon shrieked. You sighed and threw your hands up. 

“Why is everyone blaming me?!” You exclaimed. 

“Because if you didn’t tell Danny to ask me out I wouldn’t be in this situation!”

Shannon lunged forward and you narrowly escaped being stabbed by the massive blade. If not for Ninja Brian’s slap to Shannon’s wrist, that is. Causing her to drop the weapon. 

“I never told Danny to ask you out. I specifically told him to stay away from you!” You cried out as Shannon once again lunged at you. Her polished nails swiping at you viciously, and you made a run for the street. Wanting to escape the crazed woman as best you can.  Ninja Brian made an irritated expression with his eyebrows and hurried after the two of you. Getting to the where the alley opened up to the street before stopping, watching you bolt across the road, with Shannon hot on your heels. 

“I thought we were friends-” 

“Ninja Brian!” A loud sickening crunch cut off Shannon’s screams. An engine cut off as Danny leapt out of the parked vehicle and rushed to his friend. “Oh thank god! You’re alright. Dude! What the fuck? You didn’t like my tumblr post last night. I worked real hard on that, dude! Like two hours worth of jacking it-” 

“Oh my god! You killed her!” You screamed. Snapping both men to attention as you stared at the bloodied car.  Shannon’s arm was bent in all sorts of wrong ways. Red blood oozed out from under the car, chunky bits following the stream as it trickled towards the drain. 

“Oh... my bad.” Danny said. His mouth twisting in disgust. Ninja Brian stared down at the broken legs that were sticking out from under the metal object. Only to shrug and open out his hand, silently asking for the car keys. “Oh, hell no dude. Last time you drove, three skyscrapers and time square blew up. I am not making that mistake again.”

“G-Guys, can we please just acknowledge that you just killed Shannon!”

Danny frowned and shrugged. “I did. I said ‘my bad’. She was clingy. I mean, Ninja Brian was just saying how he has been trying to ditch her all night. Come on, (y/n), listen for once.” 

You stomped your foot in frustration and crossed your arms. Angrily refusing to get in the car with Danny and Brian. Even when Danny patted the seat next to him and cooed, like he was talking to a dog.  “Come on, (y/n). We’ll go get breakfast. Come on. Come on, gorgeous. You know you want breakfast.” 

You struggled to keep the grin from your face. But you broke when Ninja Brian in the back, lifted a sign with the picture of a stack of pancakes on it. A smiley face painted on it.  You sighed and stomped over to the car, having to do the splits to avoid the puddle of Shannon on the passenger side. 

[unleashthemidnight]

SPN goes NSP: Guess Who’s Back (Just In Time For The Christmas)

Christmas Calendar: Masterlist SPN goes NSP: GWB part 1, part 2, part 3 Chapter name: Let's get this terrible party started Pairing + others: Reader x Gabriel, Winchesters, Danny Sexbang Synopsis: You were doing preparations for the Christmas celebration with Sam and Dean in the bunker when the party invitation threw you in the loop. Word count: 1500+ Warnings: Crack, sexual references, language, song lyrics usage, The Frying Pan™ Notes: This is part of the Christmas Calendar and will be updated towards the Christmas. NSP is amazing band called NinjaSexParty, whose songs, covers and music videos I have used. Songs are listed at the end. Whooo boy, this is something else that I would normally write *cough* Hope you all enjoy this ride we are starting! This is also the shit that no one asked for. Reblogs and comments are loved Do not repost

The white lilies and the golden white light; something so beautiful yet so painful. The memories of the two of you and the painful end danced around each other in your head. You missed Gabriel. You missed his tricks and often stupid but brilliant ideas that made you laugh, as much as you sometimes hated to admit it. You just wished that he would be there with you. You would see again how his eyes would fill with childish joy when he was up to something. You wanted to see them full of hope when you ended up talking about things you wanted to do, when you talked about future, no matter how much it sometimes scared both of you. And oh, how those eyes would darken with lust when… Sigh. It had been long road to get this far from your deepest end but you had Winchesters, your brothers, helping you from the beginning. They had given you the time to grief and made sure that your basic needs were met when you didn't leave from your room until needed to. Little later they had kept you busy with hunts, research and other little tasks so you would think something else for a change. You needed to get moving even if you didn't move on.

”We're gonna need more coffee,” Dean's voice snapped you back to the reality. You were cooking breakfast and the boys were doing inventory as the preparations for the holidays. That meant that Sam was doing inventory while Dean sat at the table sipping his coffee. Sam went through the shelves throwing away all the stuff that should have been thrown away ages ago judging by the smell, and you all listed things that you still needed for the holidays. ”We would be at the store much quicker if you wouldn't just sit there and were actually helping me with this,” Sam complained. ”But I'm too hungry,” Dean mockingly whined back. The truth still was that he really was hungry, it had been awhile since you all had a proper meal. ”The food will be ready as soon as I can fry these eggs, just help Sam. For me? Then we can go to the store and we can pick up all the things we need and if you are on Santa's good list, I will get the ingredients for the pies,” you chimed in while picking up the frying pan. ”You used plural...” Dean pointed out the obvious, doubting your words. ”Yes.” You saw how quickly he moved around the counter to help his little brother. That was easy, you thought smile on your face. ”Hey guys, there's a letter in here…?” Sam picked an envelope from one of the old boxes of cereal. The envelope was decorated with various arts-and-crafts' gems and with fancy letters in the middle of it read ”You're Invited, Dickbags!” ”Let me see that.” Dean took the envelope, ripped it open and started reading it without caring how it ended up in the cereal box or from whom it could be. You had bad feeling about this. ”Oh shit! Congrats, your ass just got invited to the party of your life! Once every hundred thousand years the most epic party in this universe is hold as it was foretold in the scrolls. 'What scrolls?' I hear you asking. Who cares! It's NinjaSexParty -party so you know it's the shit. So take that pudding, pour it on your chest and let your pants hit the floor because your life was totally bullshit until right now. I hope you like fun 'cause we're having it! IT'S GO TIME!” As Dean read the end of the letter with no sender, the world shifted around you making the bunker and the letter disappear. Your head couldn't take the shifting, it made you nauseous. You found yourself lying on the cold floor with distant smell of the fumes and oil. This definitely wasn't the start of the party that one would be excepting after that kind of letter. What even is NinjaSexParty? You coughed and took couple of deep breaths. The hit on the floor was hard but nothing in your body was broken. As you rolled over so you could sit, you noticed your frying pan from the bunker close to you. Weird. ”Oh c'mon! What the hell...” you heard Dean's confusion with slight desperation on the side. ”You alright?” Sam asked as he helped you up. ”Yeah, little bit dizzy but nothing that I can't manage,” you answered and looked around bit more. You were in pale, almost empty two car garage. With you there was four people sitting around cheap knock-off table. The people were dressed up like your typical Hollywood style nerds that were too focused on the game to notice you. ”Um… Hey guys. You playing Dungeons and Dragons or…?” Dean asked from the group catiously, prepared for possible fight. You all needed to find out what happened and how to get back home, now. But before any of the guys could even answer to you, the door to the house flung open making three of you jump. ”ALL RIGHT! This party is off to a bit of a slow start but soon it's gonna melt your brain and fishslap your heart. Check out this leaf-collecting album or two that I made back in autumn,” a tall, slim man with darker curly hair in red silky robe announced and throwed 5 different albums of leafs at Sam, who couldn't hold them all. ”And don't get me started on the balloons! Want 'em? I got 'em!” The man pointed at two different sizes balloons hanging sadly on the wall. Next he slapped Dean on the shoulder. ”Just wait when the music starts to drop, the vibe's gonna change. We've got the country-themed metal garage band,” he continued while walking past of Dean in the middle of the room doing a little spin, ”oh, and the hot girls are showing up, I'm so sorry you had to wait but now they're finally inflated. This shit right here would make the hobbit say 'to the hell with the Shire'! SO GET THIS FREAKING PARTY STARTED!” As he ended his speech, the music started to play and more people walked through the door in different costumes that you could get from thrift store. There was '70s disco, brightly colored suits and velor jumpsuits. Leopard minks, moccasins, gold chains, the list went on. Someone was wearing your grandpa's clothes. You were stunned, not only about you ending up in someone's garage but you could recognize those curry and coffee stains on your grandpa's clothes anywhere. What the hell was going on? ”Did he just...” Dean looked at you and Sam and saw the same look on your faces as he had on his. ”The girls are inflated. As...” you pointed questioning even though you could actully see them as they were, standing in the corner. Just waiting there. Patiently. ”It seems so,” Sam answered. One of the other quests asked one of the dolls to dance with them. It seemed that they said yes and now they both were slow dancing across the floor and past you. ”Alright then… We have to do something about all this, soon,” Dean sighed while pinching the bridge of his nose. You all decided that everyone would talk to different groups of people and see what information you could get. You didn't know what to except when you started to mingle with other quests but this wasn't it. You met a guy who played football and told you that he once won the whole super bowl by himself. Weightlifter said that they could bench an entire continental shelf. One told you they were a scientist who cured all diseases last week. There were also the dragon slayer who found the Dragon's cave at ninety million hundred fifty thousand hundred feet in the air and fought his army of awesome karate bears. That one guy was naked for no reason at all. You also met Manticore who shouldn't even been in this party. You didn't want to ask. ”Why hello there beautiful,” the man from earlier, the one with the silky robe who seemed to be the host, slided next to you, ”I'm Danny Sexbang and I'd like to ask you out on the hottest of dates. Let's ditch these losers and go somewhere else more... appropiate?” he suggested and gave you a rose. Why didn't you pick up the frying pan when you had the chance? ”Hold one hot minute there Casanova,” Dean interrupted, ”Y/N here isn't going anywhere with you and we have couple questions that need answers right now.” ”What's wrong guys? I thought this would be your kind of party! I made this just for you. Not enough of girls?” Danny pretended to be schoked. ”Who the hell are you and why are we here?” Dean demanded to know as Sam found his way to you. ”Oooh, I'm Danny Sexbang, the toughest fucking ninja that you've ever seen but that's all in the past. Let's talk about that other thing some other time,” Danny answered with finger guns and took couple steps backwards from you as other quests slowly formed a ominous circle around you. All of this seemed like a bad dream. Yeah, you must be dreaming. You would probably wake up soon enough. ”Okay, so, this party sucks. Let's explode this building!” You heard Danny yelling. ”WAIT WHAT - -” The world around you shifted again.

Fun fact: People in the party were totally dancing the dances you can see in I just wanna dance -video and the Dragon dance in Dragon Slayer -video.

Christmas Calendar tag: @sumara62, @authoressskr, @serendiptious-esparza, @be-fantastic, @pizzamanteachings Gabriel tag: @nobodys-baby-now @dlb1999

Hit me with ask or message if you would like to join either one of these lists!

NinjaSexParty's songs used in this fic:

Let's get this terrible party started! x

I just wanna dance x

Dragon Slayer x

Ninja Brian was so Ninja that you couldn't see him under the table..

[the-plaid-mercenary]

I just finished a wip that I started in 2017! If you’re into egobang, then I’d love to know what people think.

[emerald-eyes-8917]

A fluffy Ninja Sex Party for all your romance needs.

Imagine being in love with the master of lovemaking himself, Danny Sexbang and experiencing the silent murderous presence of Ninja Brian.

Will he get that famous ‘heart boner’ for the girl?

Could you imagine it?

Lots of romantic tropes, with a first date, first time, first a lot of things. :D

I wanted to post this before the NSP concert tonight in Dublin, Ireland, the first show of the international tour, just because this band means so much and has given me so much inspiration creatively and also being just amazing dudes.

Enjoy!  And to all the fans in Europe who have been waiting for far longer than I have for a live show, have an absolutely fantastic time.

[emotionally-indecisive]

Game Grumps fans! Please read this! Sonic’s Harem by Lil Soniq is finally Complete!

March 18, Lil Soniq has posted the last chapter of Sonic’s Harem and said goodbye to all his fans. As his biggest supporters, I think the grumps should pay their respects by reading the last chapter or at least acknowledging his hard work! So we should @ them to let them know!

[drabbles-and-shit]

The Worst EgoBang Fic You’ve Ever Read

Once upon a time, not too long ago, there lived a funny man and a thin Jew with a fro...

“Aack! Dan!!” Arin threw his pillow across the floor in a fit of something akin to rage and romped his way over to his partner and friend, Daniel Avidan.

“What is it, Arin? Did you have a flashback Battle Kid? Or the Companion Spring? Or Sonic Boom? Or--”

“Nononononono,” Arin hastily interrupted. “I just realized that since Suzy is out of town doing something with her sister, I don’t have anyone to kiss when the ball drops tonight!”

Every year since he was born at age six, Arin had kissed someone as the new year turned, but this year it seemed he’d just be alone. He felt the tears rushing to his eyes, knowing full well that even Suzy could kiss her sister, but he had no one. Oh god, he was so alone!

“Hey big cat, it’s okay. We’ll figure something out!” Dan smiled warmly and put an arm around Arin’s shoulder’s. “Let’s find you someone to kiss!”

They searched all around for someone to kiss, but Arin’s mouth was gross and so were his lips

“I don’t know, Dan…” Arin looked very discouraged as they walked to Ross’ office.

“Don’t worry about it, bud!” Dan returned with a grin. “Ross is a good guy, even if he is an evil fucking sadist. C’mon!” He knocked on the door and waited for a second before walking in.

Ross was sitting at his desk, drawing or something. He looked up when they walked in, and Arin could see from where they stood that he had a milk mustache from probably about a week ago.

“Uhhhh, Danny,” Arin whispered. “Ross is nasty; I don’t want to kiss him.”

Dan just rolled his eyes and started to talk. He told Ross Arin’s predicament and waited as the Australian considered the proposal.

At last, Ross looked to Arin and said, “Look mate, I’m sorry, but I have to kiss Holly as the ball drops! And then we’re going to fry some shrimps on the barbee. You’re welcome to watch, but I don’t think she likes threeway kissing very much, so…”

Even though Arin didn’t want to kiss Ross’ gross face, he still felt dejected. If the most disgusting person at the office wouldn’t kiss him, then who would?

Around the office, the two boys did go. For someone to kiss, they searched high and low. Barry and Kevin and Jon were all gone, and Ninja Brian thought the whole thing was a yawn. They even asked Ryan and Matt, two college dropouts, but they just said, “We’re not gay,” and continued making out.

“Holy shit Dan,” Arin sobbed. “I’ve been married for years, but apparently I’ll never find love!!”

Daniel felt awful seeing his friend like this. He didn’t know what to do, what Arin would be okay with, what he might do if Dan suggested what had been in his heart from the very beginning. But he had to risk it. For Arin.

Just as it seemed his wish would never come true, and Arin was sulking in a pile of goo, Dan said, “Wait man, this can’t be the end. I’ll kiss your stupid face, because I’m your best friend.”

Arin’s head shot up at the words, and hope filled his once-dead eyes. “Y-you really me it?” his words warbled out, tears and snot everywhere.

Dan grinned, “Of course I do, silly. I’d do anything for you!”

Finally, Arin smiled too. He tentatively reached a hand out towards Dan’s, and Dan took it without hesitation, his ridiculously huge thumb rubbing circles in Arin’s palm.

They stood like that for a second, staring deeply into each others’ eyes until the moment was broken by a stupid Australian voice yelling, “It’s time!! It’s almost midnight!”

Together, they rushed to the room where the TV was playing the Time’s Square footage, and with their hands still clasped, they awaited the fateful moment.

“Five, four,” everyone was shouting in unison, “three, two, one!!!”

Suddenly, the world went white for both Arin and Dan. To Arin, it was something completely new and unheard of. Certainly, he’d made his jokes about him and Dan, but it had never crossed his mind that something could ever actually happen between them. But to Dan, this was something he had been imagining since he first met Arin. Oh, how had imagined those soft, supple lips. This was it, the culmination of all his sexual hopes and dreams, and Danny knew that now, his life was complete. He didn’t need any more, but he couldn’t have lived with any less.

“Dan,” Arin whispered softly as they pulled away. “What...what does this mean?” He looked so anxious and so unsure, and Danny couldn’t help but pull him into his arms and hold him tight.

“It only means what you want it to mean, my love,” he replied.

Arin couldn’t move. He couldn’t think. What did he want? What truly? At last, he figured it out. He knew. “Dan, what I want…” he paused. After a moment of deep thought, he went on. “What I want… IS FOR EVERYONE TO BUY OUR NEW GAME GRUMPS T-SHIRT!!!”

And so, just like that, all the relationships could stay strong, and all the greater grew their loving bonds. Arin and Suzy lived happily ever more, and Dan probably fell in love with Manticore.

~~THE END~~

[nouveaulullaby]

Attention Game Grumps fans!

Hi! Hello! I’m trying to get back into writing and I think it’d be a lot of fun to practice with something centered around the Game Grumps. As lovelies, what are some of the things you enjoy reading about? (I am not good AT ALL with smut so please don’t say it lmao). Hit up my inbox or reblog here or whatever you want. Help me brainstorm please!

Also where do you read/li

Edit: I started it! It would really mean a lot to me if you check it out :)

[eversweet-imagines]

MASTERLIST (Updated)

Literally haven't updated my master list in like a solid year so I figured I should just make a new one for y'all.

* = Smut

Markiplier:

And The Winner Is…

Sending Out an SOS

Rough Day

* Control - Part one  Part two

Daydreamer - Part one  Part two

Knight in Shining Armor

Dream Girl

For the Love of Jif

Something Crazy - Part one

* Neighbors 

One Line Prompt #2

Game Grumps:

Dick Jokes of Love

Haunted Maze

Grump Play Date

Library

Human - Part 2

One Line Prompt #1

Perfect For You

Fight The Urge

Spider-Man/ Tom Holland:

Mine

A Spider and a Spark - Part one  Part two  Part three  Part four  Part five

Saved Dance

Maze Runner:

Maze - Part one  Part two  Part three  Part four Part five  Part six  Part seven  Part eight  Part nine  Part ten

Bring It On Gally

Brotherly Love

Lost And Forgotten - Part one Part two Part three  Part four  Part five

Teen Wolf:

Fighting For Love - Part one  Part two

Danger is my Middle Name

Youtubers:

Caspar Lee:  Its All About You

Joe Sugg: The Promise - Part one  Part two  Part three (final)

Dan Howell: Scared to Be Lonely

Peter Pan / Robbie Kay:

Jet Black Heart - Part one  Part two  Part three  Part four  Part five  Part Six  Part seven  Part eight  Part nine  Part ten

Head in the Clouds

My Person

I Am Damaged

Stage Left - Part one  Part two

The Accident

Musical Artists/ Random One Shots:

Shawn Mendes: My Person 

Lin Manuel-Miranda: Helpless

The Walking Dead: The Girl

Riverdale:

Surprise Yourself

Paper Hearts

5 Seconds of Summer:

Ticklish (4/4)

Calum Hood:

Time

[agentduckorico]

When nsp fics have a TWRP cameo: 👌👌👌

When that cameo basically amounts to "TWRP is there too" and doesn't even bother to like describe their individual actions or even name any of the boys: 👎👎👎

When that same fic has an egoraptor cameo and treats it much better: ❌❌❌

[whereismymonsterlover]

I've noticed in geraskier fanfiction, Jaskier will sometimes start talking to Geralt like Danny Sexbang from Ninja Sex Party in Intro, the first song of Cool Patrol.

"...With all this stuff under our belt, it seems that we've really come far

Indeed, we've come farther and faster than anyone could've expected us to come

Shooting our luscious jams all over your body, year after year after year

And no matter how hard you try to wipe those last remaining notes off your perky... you know what?

I need to be alone for a minute"

[bearholdncat]

SteamRolled - A Rubberbang Fanfiction

Written by @mechaross and @egoraptor-sexbang.

Hey guys! My friend Clare and I were talking recently and felt like writing a fanfiction, because nostalgia. Anyway it’s a Rubberbang fanfiction and you can read it here:

On Quotev

On Wattpad

Anyway the story is about a love triangle between Arin, Dan, and Ross. We’d appreciate it a lot if you would check it out and tell us what you think so far!!

[unleashthemidnight]

SPN goes NSP: Guess Who’s Back (Just In Time For The Christmas) pt 5

Christmas Calendar: Masterlist SPN goes NSP: GWB part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5 Chapter name: Cookies! People: Reader (x Gabriel), Winchesters, Danny Sexbang Synopsis: You were doing preparations for the Christmas celebration with Sam and Dean in the bunker when the party invitation threw you in the loop. You are reunited with Winchesters once again and demons are roaming in the streets. Word count: 1710+ Warnings: Crack, language, song lyrics usage, demons Notes: This is part 5 of GWB and also part of the Christmas Calendar. NSP is amazing band called NinjaSexParty, whose songs, covers and music videos I have used. Songs are listed at the end of the fic. I… well… you know. Cookies. Hope you enjoy! Reblogs and comments are loved Do Not Reblog

Your own house, two kids and a dog. Good relations with neighbours. Sunday churches. Baking cookies for the bakesales and knitting woolen socks for the Christmas to give as gifts. Those things were never your thing but you still understood the charm. You walked through idyllic neighborhood with beautiful houses and gorgeous gardens. There was water elements on some of the yards and others with iron decorations. All of the gardens and houses had their own personalities that probably mirrored their owners. Everything was so dreamy and idyllic. It felt somehow unrealistic. But what wasn’t felt unreal from the moment you opened the letter in your own world?

Walking along the streets the only oddity you had seen was the road names; Innocent Road, Victim Avenue and 69th ring of Hell. There was also the stop -sign with word Never on it, and to you it looked like it was written with blood. One blue house had a white garage door that was decorated with the spraypainted words ”Manticore was here”. Well, things aren't always as they seem to be, you noted. ”Y/N?!” You heard Dean yelling from the yard of bright yellow house with red roof. Sam was with him, lockpicking the door and eventually succeeding. ”Dean! Sam!” you yelled and run to them. You were happy to see them again after separation and more than glad to see they weren’t injured, dead, or something even worse. ”We need to go quickly inside, no time to waste, you'll soon know why,” they pushed you inside the dreamhouse. Boys locked the door and all three of you started looking outside the window waiting for something to happen. ”I check the kitchen,” Sam said and patted your shoulder to get your attention, ”you, stay with Dean” he ordered and left. It seemed like the brothers knew what was going on in this world, maybe they had been here more time than you. Somewhere distant you could hear people yelling but you couldn't understand any of the words. They were still too far away and the only thing you could hear was Sam going through some cabinets. Until there was sound of plates and glasses dropping on the floor. ”SAM?” Dean yelled and was going to check the kitchen when Sam walked out, knife close to his throat held by a being with horns and ripped skin, blood dripping everywhere. Handful of more similar creatures followed them. They looked like your ordinary horror book demons but definetly not the ones you had used to. Dean's breaths were heavy. He was getting riled up and frustrated with the whole situation. ”What – Who are you?” you managed to ask. The yelling outside got louder and louder, you had to turn your head to the window to see outside. People were running past the house you were in and you saw the hostile beings smirking and enjoying the screams: ”OH GOD SAVE ME!” ”AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!” ”I SEE DEMONS!!!!” ”I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!” The yelling and screams ended as rapitly as they had started. The beings with you laughed. “They call us demons,” you got your answer from the smallest one. ”We're the horsemen of the Rockpocalypse flying on the backs of flaming horses. We'll ride town to town and leave nothing but corpses. The streets will flow with the blood of our enemies,” other hissed with cocky attitude. ”We'll kill your family and scream obscenities,” another added and threw Dean on the wall with sinister laugh. You tried to help Dean but you were thrown to the other wall and pinned against it by one of the demons still without the victim. ”Death and destruction are all around! We're motherfuckin' evil and we'll never slow down!” You saw smallest demon celebrating and jumping up and down. He was having fun at your expense and discomfort. ”You really should be cursin’ when our name passes your sweet lips...” the demon that was pinning you againts the wall said and dragged his finger across your lips while biting his own smirking. ”Don't you dare to touch her,” Dean threatened and tried to free himself. ”Why are you doing this?” You felt need to cry when demon's hold got tighter. ”Because this is the realm of hate.” You felt his breathing on the crook of your neck. You wanted to pray for help. ”Chocolate chips for everyone!” the ever-so familiar voice from the kitchen door made all of you to turn your heads towards the sound. Saved by the bell. ”Did I interrupted something? Oh, I apogolize my bad manners, but demons look; I got cookies for you… C'mon and get it,” Danny, who was wearing his own demon inspired costume, apologized and lured the demons to the kitchen with the plate of cookies he was holding, and so freeing Sam and causing you and Dean to drop to the floor with loud thump. You all were physically alright, just little tense and sore. Your curiosity got best of you and your party of three peeked from the door into the kitchen. Danny and the demons were sitting over the kitchen table and on the table was plates full of chocolate chip cookies. They were also wearing party hats and all around them were balloons of different sorts and colors. The kitchen itself was... colorful - to say the least. Panels on the wall were representing the whole rainbow with atleast two different shades of each color. The cabinets were white with single colored panels on the doors. The sight was like a children’s birthday party ad, but children were replaced with demons. So it was basically the same. ”They are the taste of happy,” the littlest demon smiled bright while holding one cookie like it was his precious. The demons munched the cookies and tried to hide some of them under the hats to save them for later. ”Pass the milk please,” one demon asked politely. One rapid shout from outside got everyones attention: ”THE DEMONS ARE CONSUMING ME!” The demon that was pinning you earlier on the wall got serious and his look darkened as he started: ”We are the nightmares you should be afraid of but there's just one thing we love and that's - -” ”COOKIES! Yaaaaay! Hooray! More cookies!” demons shouted and frolicked as Danny filled the plates again to prevent the demons going insane, again. ”All your nighmares have come to life and the horror survives in the darkest of the night,” one of the demons hissed again, ”So take our final breath in our realm and wish for merciful death as we eat this plate of cookies!” the demon  ended his talking as Danny poured even more cookies on the table. There was so many empty cookie boxes around the kitchen and you weren’t sure anymore where Danny got all the cookies he was serving. ”I guess everybody loves cookies,” Danny looked at you half-smiling and shrugged his shoulders. ”I still prefer pie,” Dean muttered under his breath while walking into the kitchen to go through the cabinets like he was looking for hidden pie. ”Dean, seriously, are you looking for a pie?” Sam couldn't believe his brothers actions. ”I think I – WE deserve some pie after this. I'm too full of cookies after all these encounters with these cookie monsters,” Dean blurted out rummaging the goodies. Yes, this is perfect, Dean thought as he put something in his pocket when no one was looking. ”So you have been here long… And you have eaten cookies with the demons. That's why you went to kitchen, to look for the cookies,” you made conclusions and Sam nodded as confirming them. ”Excatly how long you have been here? Have you been here all the time because I was in whole different places...” you rambled with questions but stopped as soon as you saw Sam’s face. The way his lips tightened and he looked down and then at Dean who was still making a mess, told you everything you needed to know. “It wasn’t all bad, just... tiring,” Sam tried to reassure you. ”Oh,” small sound felt from your lips as you looked at your toes. You knew that there was a lot to talk about later, whenever you would get back home. The demons continued munching and cramming their faces with cookies and your party decided to leave the house. Danny had made sure that demons had enough of cookies to you to get far away from them. ”This was definetly not what I was excepting,” you said to Sam as you all walked on the pavement. ”Well, yeah… But now we need to find out why and how to get back home. And I take it you know that Danny has his fingers in this. Because I have a feeling that he might be -” Sam went almost full research/hunter mode but was interrupted with Danny's voice behind you. You both turned around in unison and looked at back at the door of the house you had just walked out. ”Uh, Dean. Dean, what are you doing? What is that? Is that a knife? Oh, it's a knife. I can tell by the way it's stabbing me. Okay, great. Good talk, buddy.” You watched as Dean tried his best to stap Danny with the knife he had took from the kitchen when you didn't pay attention. Too bad that the knife proved to be one of those theatre knives. You couldn't help but laugh at the sight. Danny was so calm while Dean's face went from frustration to surprise but it didn't stop him for trying and testing - both on Danny and on himself. ”Son of a bitch...” ”Rude. But probably fair after all this. Hey listen -” Danny put his hand on Dean's shoulder - ”if you can actually stick that in me, can I keep it or do you want it back?” Dean was frustrated but tried couple more times just to be sure and finally gave up. The hunter was so tired, and you kinda felt bad for laughing so much at his misery. You didn't have any idea how many Tuesdays they have had while you were having your own adventures. When you watched Dean walking towards you leaving laughing Danny behind, the world shifted.

Christmas Calendar tag: @sumara62, @authoressskr, @serendiptious-esparza, @be-fantastic, @pizzamanteachings Gabe tag: @nobodys-baby-now, @dlb1999 Hit me with ask or message if you would like to join! NinjaSexParty's songs used in this fic, not in order

Best Friends Forever x

Cookies! x

Ninja Brian was so Ninja that you didn't see him having a bakesale in the yard.