#dang are there many kids in the audience (literally children)

[nicoscheer]

SCULPTURES OF ANYTHING GOES AS OPENER FOR THEIR THIRD GLASTO HEADLINER

1. Sculptures

2. Brianstorm

3. Snap

4. Chair

5. Crying lightning

6. Teddy picker (when I get bent over?!! Alex!!!) https://www.instagram.com/reel/Ct4DUGpgtMn/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== (it’s rather ‘ya’ but we can pretend)

7. Cornerstone (I knew she’d understand instead of thought/she didn’t say that whooo, I just added that for you you’re welcome)

Interlude something about water by Alex on the piano (get this man his water he’s thirsty)

8. Why’d you only call me when you’re high (having mad instead of bad ideas/ plus epic pose)

Shout out by Alex for Space pictures

9. Arabella

10. Four out of five (loving butt slap for Cookie by Alex/ why don’t you come and stay with ME/ effective very effective what a night what a night, yeah man)

Smiling Alex

Angelic Alex

11. Pretty visitors (now’s me chance x3= rushing off to bowl and it’s a strike= happy little Alex jumping back on stage and then his mic was shut off for a sec there 🤣)

12. Fluorescent Adolescent (some kisses and a thank you from Alex)

Oh god he looks so baby in that picture

13. Perfect sense (another thank you 🥹)

Pouty mouth (he does look tired)

14. Do I wanna know (afterwards “astonishing”/ how are you feeling everybody *cheers* well I’m delighted about that)

15. Mardy Bum (thank you/ alright let’s leave the past behind)

16. There’d better be a mirrorball (conductor Alex at the beginning/ hey HEY at the end)

17. 505 (without Miles 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭his first note sounded so unsure/ the in ears only now getting removed gotta be a new record/ thank you for having us everybody it’s the Arctic monkeys/ so predictable I know what you’re thinking whoo)

18. Body Paint

Encore

19. I wanna be yours (Matt and backup sang and played I wanna be yours (second verse)while Alex sang STAR TREATMENT (first verse)/ thank you thank you very much) (for a second we had “Miles” there)(the Glastonbury special surprise; also genius move to reclaim IWBY from TikTok by hijacking it with TBHC)

A video of that beautiful medley

“Who are you gonna call the Martini police the who?”

20. I bet you look good on the dance floor (Matt having mic problems and some vocal ones aswell(sounded like a scratchy throat))

“We are gonna leave you now we can’t stay with you anymore but fank you for having us something tells me…something tells me that you’re gonna be okay good night”

21. R U MINE?

I mean I know it’s basically literally their normal concert playlist apart from that I wanna be yours/ star treatment medley (which was out of this world 🌚;)) but I still loved it apart from that heartbreak with 505 cause honestly don’t care what they play I’m still loving it and having a blast, great tunes great vocals an amazing night spent in front of the laptop screaming along (what if they had planned a different set list (in 2013 Alex said “that’s what we’re gonna do tonight everyone. we are gonna play some new shit. We’re gonna play some old shit. We are gonna play some things that are just Glastonbury specials, do you know what I’m saying”) but due to Alex falling sick they didn’t have time to practice so they settled for their usual setlist?) (genuinely feel sorry for Elton John and his humongous set cause i doubt that anybody can scream along on Sunday still)

And I love how all the real fans can easily agree that it was a fantastic gig while the TikTok fans and dark fruit lovers are whining in their mum’s basement how they didn’t just play do I wanna know and snap out of it in 10 different versions and how dare Alex that his voice and taste in music evolved and that they didn’t try and emulate the phenomenal, seminal career changing Glasto 2013 🤣🤣

Opening

Do I wanna know

Mardy Bum via BBCradio1

I bet you look good on the dance floor

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The BBC intern having some fun ( he’s gonna get tacos on the well reviewed taqueria of course)

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WARNING !! do not look at the comments 🤢 you don’t wanna see that shitshow that some ‘fans’ pull but I guess some people just can’t be satisfied cause their own lives are so shit that they have to lash out at whoever is available

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Rock band Arctic Monkeys’ headline set on Friday night was watched by an average of 1.5million viewers on BBC One.

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https://www.instagram.com/p/Ct3ngjTLG7R/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

https://www.instagram.com/p/CuG4TRQLpjM/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

https://www.instagram.com/p/Ct_-x1NtosH/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

The full audio of Arctic Monkeys’ Glastonbury 2023 set

[thevoidscreamer]

Hey all! Transgender military spouse (and parent to a transgender kid and friend of several transgender service members, transgender former service members, and transgender family members) here with some news.

The NDAA, the defense bill, is headed to President Biden's desk to be signed. I do not expect him to veto this bill. What's wrong with it? A lot of things, but today we're going to talk about how this will impact my family's ability to access lifesaving care. Let's get into it.

The bill bans the military health program, TRICARE, from covering some gender-affirming care for the transgender children of service members "if it could risk sterilization." This is vague terminology. Science-wise, many things could risk sterilization. We know from literal decades of research and practical application that puberty blockers alone and HRT alone do not cause sterilization, but is that enough of a buffer to warrant its coverage by TRICARE? Seeing as TRICARE doesn't cover gender affirming surgeries or vocal training for grown adult dependents (hi, that's me), I'm going to bet not.

The anti-science and pseudoscience spewed by non-experts (and an even smaller percentage of the already small 1% of people who regret transitioning) has been effective in radicalizing politicians and right-wingers against HRT for pre-teens and teens. Words like "mutilation" and over generalizations "you send your son to school one morning and he comes home a girl," are used to monger fear among those unable or unwilling to sit down and crack open a bonafide research study. Some people in my current audience fall into that category.

So let's clear the air with a few facts.

Puberty blockers are usually prescribed to adolescents 10-13 years old and are meant to be used for about two years while the kid figures out which puberty they want to go through. They undergo regular checkups with a pediatric endocrinologist on hormone levels, blood biomarkers, and bone density during this time, while also attending therapy sessions with one or more mental health doctors. Aside from the therapy sessions, this is all the same treatment received by kids with precocious puberty, who are between the ages of 6 and 9 years old with early pubertal presentation.

This has been the treatment for those kids for decades, which is why doctors and scientists are pretty dang solid on the side effects, optimal length of treatment, and general wellbeing outcomes for patients.

According to the Mayo clinic: "GnRH analogues don't cause permanent physical changes. Instead, they pause puberty. That offers a chance to explore gender identity. It also gives youth and their families time to plan for the psychological, medical, developmental, social and legal issues that may lie ahead. When a person stops taking GnRH analogues, puberty starts again."

According to UCLA Health: "If the pubertal blockers are started in the later stages of puberty, you may already be making fertile sperm or eggs. Some people choose to preserve their sperm or eggs before starting pubertal blockers, to keep options open about how to build a family in the future. If you later wish to have genetic children, you would likely have to stop the pubertal blockers and proceed through most of your own biological puberty in order to achieve effective fertility; this may take several years. This would mean you would develop some features of puberty associated with your sex assigned at birth; for some people, this could be distressing."

What about full HRT (testosterone or estrogen)? Test and E are generally not accessible to people younger than the age of 16. If received right on the heels of hormone blockers, THIS may result in infertility. However, those patients who are ONLY seeking full HRT without having done puberty blockers, which is most patients receiving full HRT, are typically able to come off of that HRT and achieve full biological puberty and even procreate.

You've heard of men getting pregnant, right? Those are transgender men who have gone off their testosterone specifically to have biological children. There are, however, other options, for transmascs who don't wish to carry their own child. Namely, egg harvesting, wherein the man goes off of testosterone and receives a hormone injection to stimulate the overproduction of eggs to be harvested and frozen for use at a later date. Both of these methods do require the person to have developed and retained their gonads (testes and ovaries), which is achievable by allowing the body to go through biological puberty (which may be assisted in some cases by additional HRT).

Testosterone and Estrogen are both present in the human body regardless of sex. These hormones do not permanently sterilize a person. So, no, HRT does not generally result in infertility. Gender affirming (lower) surgery, however, can.

Gender affirming surgeries are not available to transgender minors except in extreme cases, and in those extreme cases, it is top surgery, not lower surgery. Gender affirming cosmetic surgery is available to (and undertaken by) cisgender minors starting at 15 or 16 years old (in the form of augmentations, reductions, body shaping, rhinoplasty, and face shaping), and should also be available to transgender minors in the same age bracket.

Lower surgeries are not accessible to minors, and most people under the age of 25 cannot get approval to receive them due to providers not wanting to undertake the liability of possible regret -- even though the regret rate for transitioners is 1%, whereas the overall surgical regret rate average for ALL procedures is 14%. Even in adulthood, transgender men are less likely to be able to access gender affirming lower surgery (hysterectomy, metoidioplasty, phalloplasty) than transgender women, due to doctors' collective reluctance around medical care for people designated female at birth.

No children are receiving gender affirming care that would permanently sterilize them. So why? Why this provision in the NDAA about gender affirming care that "may" sterilize minors? Because of successful fear-mongering and the anti-science movement. Because of the relentless onslaught of anti-trans advertisements during the 2024 campaign season. Because of the unwillingness of self-proclaimed allies in our current institutions to stand by marginalized groups.

I do not expect this policy to remain at a military level. I fully expect that, come 2025, we will see a massive stripping of the protections and supports painstakingly put into place over the past decades, aided and abetted by the democratic party, then glossed over as not being that bad by people who claimed to be our friends. In the next four years, I foresee my gender affirming care, which is covered by TRICARE, suddenly needing to come out of my own pocket. My kid's already will, come the new year.

Ultimately, though, I think that it will be about more than gender affirming care, but queerness in general as a concept -- I foresee transgender service members either erased or forcibly separated. I foresee emboldened discrimination against queer workers and queer students and queer families seeking housing or other support. I foresee bathroom bills and sports bills, and all these things that do not require scientific support, though they may falsely claim it.

Right now, federal and state laws prohibit discrimination against transgender individuals by most public and private insurance health plans. This means insurance companies must cover transition-related care that's medically necessary and it is illegal for them to deny coverage, in most cases. TRICARE seems exempt from this rule. Ultimately, I think over the next four years, those laws will change in an anti-progress fashion.

One of the provisions proposed by Republicans for the NDAA bill was not only to prevent coverage of gender affirming care for minors (which is already shitty) but to prevent that same coverage for adults. While the adult provision did not make it into the bill, the minor provision did, and it passed with overwhelming bipartisan support.

Yes, wages increased for service members across the board, at rates never seen before. But while some of my friends may be celebrating that fact, please keep in mind that while transgender people aren't incredibly visible in your circles, we're literally all over. There are so many of us on and around base (service members and family) and the fact that a removal of access gender affirming care for adults was even legitimately considered is a HUGE warning flag for all of us, as is the removal of access to gender affirming care for minors.

I don't know how to close this out, other than to say that I will never stop being relentlessly visibly queer, regardless of what's to come. I'm considering setting up a meeting group for queer military dependents and service members, though I'm unsure how I want to go about that. Let me know what you think in the comments.

Yours in grief and resistance,

B

Link to Reuter's article: https://www.reuters.com/world/us/majority-us-senate-backs-massive-defense-bill-voting-continues-2024-12-18/

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About "Escaping Expulsion" From The Owl House

Salutations random people on the internet who most likely won’t read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

Do you wanna know what I love the most about The Owl House? The writers waste no time getting to the good stuff.

Things like Willow working things out with Amity, Lumity, Lilith's redemption, and Luz's fight with Belos are stuff that most shows would drag out and wait upon using until several seasons down the line. Most of them for the final season. And yet, it all happens in the first! The writers somehow knew what the fans exactly wanted and gave them just that before they even had to ask.

Take "Escaping Expulsion," for example, as it has some great plot points and ideas I thought would happen later in the season and maybe even near the end. But it's only episode TWO of the new season, and I'm appreciative of it for that reason alone.

But explaining the good stuff this episode delivers requires spoilers, so if you haven't watched the episode yet (even though you definitely have at this point), I recommend that you do so. Now let's review, shall we?

WHAT I LIKED

Blight Industries: Huh. I'll be the first to admit: I would have never expected that the main reason why the Blights are rich is because of their technological advancements. Large in part of how the Boiling Isles is a fantasy world, and rarely do you see technology taking place in a setting such as that. Still, points for total expectation subversion added with some pretty cool tech, I might add.

Odalia Blight: It's nice to put a face to the name I've grown to hate with a fiery passion. Now I can update my dartboard!

But to tell you the truth, it feels weird saying I like someone so vile. I mean, the woman is a manipulative, smarmy b-word who nearly killed Luz. Anybody who does that last part deserves to go on my s**t list! I despise her with the same fiery passion I've had since "Understanding Willow" premiered...and it's that reason why I like her.

Because here's the thing: Characters and people are two different things. If Odalia existed in real life, she better hope that I never meet her. But as a character whose purpose is to have the audience hate her, she succeeds with flying colors. It's the same reason why I consider it unfair to hate an episode like "Something Ventured and Someone Framed" because Mattholomule exists. I get it but understand that hating him is his purpose. It's the same with Odalia. I love her, but only because I love to hate her.

Alador Blight: Wow. I guess Alador really is the lesser of two evils.

By the way, keep in mind that I said "lesser of two evils" and not "the nice one." I don't care how adorable it is to see him get distracted by a butterfly. He's still an abusive figure who stood aside as Luz fought for her life against the Abomitron and still goes along with Odalia's plans despite how heinous they are. And whenever I remember how he treated Amity in "Understanding Willow" as well--

Also, don't make him neurodivergent so he can seem redeemable. It is painfully obvious that he is just exhausted after hours of toiling away in his lab working on his inventions to the point that his brain is beyond fried.

Now, seeing that I've dismissed the argument about how Alador is the nice one, let's actually talk about his character. Because I can see what Dana Terrace meant when she said that he's interesting. He's not explicitly as awful as Odalia, as he mostly seems to be in his own little world half the time. Despite that, Alador still shows signs of being just as dismissive of Amity in general. You see this as he focuses on how her strength shows signs of Amity being a potential coven leader instead of noticing how his daughter nearly died to his own invention. Alador doesn't manipulate, but he doesn't love his daughter in a way a father should either. I'm very intrigued by this route for his character, and I can't wait to see what is done next with him.

Amity’s Amulet: My heart sank when I realized the true purpose behind Amity's amulet. The thought that Odalia found a way to literally be in Amity's head at all times...I hate that. I mean, I love it because it's A+ storytelling and symbolism, BUT I F**KING HATE IT!

Amity in General: And seeing how we're already talking about Amity, let's dive into the fact that "Escaping Expulsion" is easily her best outing so far in the series. I say this because it really puts to the test Amity's dedication to being a part of the group. You can tell by her expressions and Mae Whitman's performance that Amity so desperately wants to help her friends, but she can't due to being afraid of her mother's wrath. Which doesn't surprise me, given what we know about Odalia so far. But what does surprise me is that Amity stands up to Odalia in this very same episode. I expected it for sure, but most likely at the end of the season, due to most shows dragging out a similar concept for drama's sake. However, as I said, the writers don't waste time giving the fans what they want. So, yeah, Amity defies her mother in the very same episode we're officially introduced to her. And it's totally believable, as Amity has been fighting her parent's control ever since Luz literally showed her the light after "Covention" (click here if you don't believe me). It's yet another impressive showcase of Amity's character development and how she's leagues ahead of other redeemable characters who would go through five more episodes like this before getting to the point.

Luz in General: But enough about Amity. For now, let's talk about the actual best character of the series!

Just like Amity, Luz is on top form in "Escaping Expulsion." She is quick to call 'applesauce' about Odalia and Alador expelling the Hex-Squad and is smart enough to figure out the deal Odalia is worming her way into making. Several people classify Luz as stupid, and while she definitely leaps before she looks at times, this episode proves that Luz isn't going to fall for the sweet talk that someone like Odalia offers. As reckless as she can be, Luz is still intelligent enough to know what someone like Odalia wants and cuts to the chase despite knowing the woman can't be trusted. Still, Luz going through with the deal anyways is fantastic character work for her as it shows her dedication to the people she cares about. It hurts my heart to see Luz get all beat up from Alador's inventions, but her willingness to put up with it for her friends is an act of service I wouldn't have expected from anyone else. "Escaping Expulsion" may be more centered around Amity, but it still proves why Luz earns her spot for one of my favorite characters.

Learning How Glyphs Work: Another solid aspect of The Owl House is that the writers find brilliant ways for world-building and explaining the rules of the Boiling Isles. Take this episode's b-plot, for instance. Eda and Lilith need to learn how to do Luz's version of magic, so having an entire section of the episode dedicated to them figuring it out is a perfect outlet to explain how glyphs work in the first place. Although, I have some tribulations with this subplot that I'll get into with the dislikes. But I still consider this a brilliant workaround to explain glyphs, even if specific executions could be handled better.

The Fairy Pie: Not only is this well-crafted dark humor, and not only is it adorable as hell, but it also shows how Amity has calmed down with her feelings toward Luz. She still blushes when handing over the fairy pie, but it is certainly more subdued in comparison to "Wing it Like Witches." I like to think the time off from her (and our) favorite weirdo helped cool down those emotions a bit, but that doesn't mean she won't get slightly flustered every now and again. Because as much as I adore seeing cool and collective, I'm still very much a fan of Disaster Amity due to how cute it is.

Principle Bump: "This character is underappreciated!"

"That character doesn't get enough love!"

YOU WANNA KNOW WHO'S UNDERAPPRECIATED AND DOESN'T GET ENOUGH LOVE?! PRINCIPAL GOSH DANG BUMP, THAT'S WHO!

So many kids' shows focus on how educators are the bad guy who treats students poorly because they love seeing children suffer. But that's not Bump! Sure, he made a misstep in "The First Day," but for the most part, he really cares for his students and hopes that they work hard to be their better selves. So when he's forced to send Luz, Gus, and Willow away, he's genuinely saddened by it to the point where he breaks down crying! On top of being wholesome, Bump missing his students is another example that a character shouldn't be written as evil just because they run a school. Sure, there are scumbag teachers and principals out there, but for others, they're a lot like Bump: People who show admiration and respect to their students rather than ridicule because a principle "just doesn't get it." And I appreciate Bump all the more for it.

Gus and Willow: It feels weird that these two basically got sidelined, especially since they have a stake in the plot as well, but it's understandable. "Escaping Expulsion" is clearly more Amity-centered, and with Luz being the main character, it would also be odd if she didn't get more of the focus than her friends. Having them do more would have been great, but what they've already accomplished is pretty decent anyway. They show how much they're on the same page as Luz when trying to figure out a way to sneak back into Hexide, Willow is still the best voice of reason when saying no one will be killed through their plans, and Gus wins the comedic highlights in the episode. While I would have loved that they did more, I'm perfectly fine with what we got. Besides, this is only episode two of Season Two. We got nineteen more episodes to go to focus on these two.

King: Ok, now, this is the version of King I like to see. A character that mocks Eda as if they're equals and acts as a reluctant voice of reason. This episode shows King more at his best and is a major step above what we've seen in "Separate Tides."

Lilith: ...Yeah, f**k it. I like Lilith.

Personally, I would have preferred seeing her dragged through the coals at least a few episodes, but that's judging the show for what I want. Not what it is. And as is...It's fine. Lilith has a great dynamic with the rest of the Owl House, it's honestly adorable seeing her refer to Luz as a teacher, and that scene where she makes presents out of ice for Hooty is all kinds of wholesome. I'd say your enjoyment of Lilith highly depends on how forgiving you are, and if you think her splitting the curse is enough of a gesture, you probably won't mind her as much. The execution of her redemption really could have used more time in the oven, but Lilith is still a decent character regardless, so what's to complain about.

Luz Making the Abomination Have a Cat Face: ...Luz...I f**king missed you.

DON'T EVER LEAVE FOR THAT LONG AGAIN!

(Also, I just love that this is all Amity needed to know Luz was in trouble)

Hop Pop Cameo: He's on the cover of one of the books Willow's dad lifts up. Which is extra cute given how Dana Terrace and Matt Braley (creator of Amphibia) are close friends in real life.

Willow’s Dad Pretending Not to See Anything: One single action defines the type of man this guy is. He's the fun and understanding dad!

Gus, Willow, and Amity Arguing How to Break In: This little quarrel just shows how much these three need Luz. Without someone to keep the peace and bring up compromises, these idiots would have just kept arguing all night.

In addition to that, this clash over ideas acts as a showcase for who these characters are. Willow is careful and smart, so she's going for the option more unlikely to get them caught. Amity is brash and to the point, so she's going for the route that gets them inside as soon as possible. And then there's Gus, who's young and naive, so his plan sounds like something out of a cartoon. The odds of any of these plans working are highly debatable, but seeing these characters with clashing personalities and ideas is a ton of fun to watch regardless.

Edric and Emira Helping: There's not much to add here. It's just another sweet scene that makes me so glad that the writers decided to make Ed and Em more like supporting characters than minor antagonists like "Lost in Language" made fans think they would be.

(Amity throwing the "Hex me" signs back at Edric is just the cherry on top).

“Stay away from my Luz!”: ...What the f**k do you want me to say that? It's f**king perfect!

Luz Catching Feelings for Amity: ...Huh. Neat.

...

...Alright, let's move on.

Luz Wanting to Take a Nap After--Yeah, I can't do it. Not even for the joke.

WAH-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO! MU! TU! AL! PINING! AH-HAHAHA!

THIS! This is more of that good s**t I'm talking about! Due to being so used to other shows going for the slow burn when writing the endgame romance, I was expecting Luz to catch feelings halfway through the season, even at the end of it. But near the beginning?! That is something I am more than ok with!

And much like Amity standing up to her parents in this episode, Luz catching feelings this early on is totally believable. Many fans have already analyzed how Luz's love language is "Acts of Service," which I'm somewhat sure is romantic gestures. Meaning that I f**king challenge you to find a grander gesture than holding back a literal killing machine while swooping down like a knight in shining armor! Oh, wait, you can't. BECAUSE THERE ISN'T ANY!

But by far, the best--the BEST--thing that can come from this is the dramatic irony! We, the audience, know that Luz and Amity like each other, but they don't. So the constant failings as these two fools try to work out their romantic feelings for one another is something I cannot wait to see in all its glory.

This is one of the best things that could have come out of the episode, and while it doesn't mean Lumity is canon, it is definitely closer than ever before. And I'm excited about all of it!

Luz Wanting to Take a Nap After Getting Home: I adore this because there's no one way that this can be interpreted. Either it's because Luz is exhausted after nearly getting killed for the fifteenth time that month, or it's because Luz is overwhelmed about having a crush on Amity...or both. Most likely both.

Belos Wanting The Abomatrons: Wow, what an ominous ending to the episode! I'm sure it won't come into play at all in the future...The season finale is going to hurt, isn't it?

WHAT I DISLIKED

Gus’ Growth Spurt: I mean...that's just weird. Gus suddenly being almost as tall as the others is a change so jarring that I feel like an explanation other than "witch puberty" is required. I get that they wanted to explain away why Issac Ryan Brown's voice got deep this season, 'cause puberty's a b**ch. But sometimes I feel like it's best to just ignore it, like with how Phineas and Ferb or Steven Universe just goes along with the fact that VAs tend to grow up when the characters themselves remain ageless.

Eda is Kinda Stupid in this One: It's not just me, right? Because I feel like Eda is more careful in the past than she is in this episode. She's been as reckless as Luz is at times, sure, but carelessly screwing around with magic when she has no idea how it works? I can maybe see King doing that, but not Eda. Just seeing her act dumber than usual is something that doesn't sit right with me.

Lilith Explaining Her Glyph Magic: I don't mind this. Glyph magic is pretty confusing, so having Lilith explain how it works to Eda and the audience is something I can understand. My issue, however, lies in how they did this.

Why, in the name of all that is holy, would Lilith explain her theory after the fact. It would be much more natural if she explained while saving King, but doing it after comes across as more forced than it should. Which is a shame because this series is usually on point when explaining how things work in the Boiling Isles.

And...That's about all the complaints I have with this episode. Which are nothing but nitpicks and possibly personal preferences.

IN CONCLUSION

If I'm willing to forgive and forget, I would give "Escaping Expulsion" a well-earned A+. But I'm not, so it's going to be another solid A. And, I mean, if you complain about that...there's something wrong with you.

"Escaping Expulsion" delivers on quite a bit of what fans want to see on top of giving these great character moments that show why we love these casts of oddballs and weirdos. I wouldn't say it reached perfection, but it still carries the winning streak that this new season has so far. Meaning there's no escaping the fact that Season Two is off to a better start than the first.

(Although, the fact that we got two solid As in a row means that we're in for a stinker real soon, doesn't it?)

[jumnthepurestbean]

Aahdfl your posts are super cute!!! Can I request the RFA+Saeran/V/Vanderwood (if you can) meeting MC's very big and equally overwhelmingly loving family because I need family fluff in my life and some of these people need in-laws to adopt them

asdfksdjflsd when I saw this ask I literally had to get out of bed and go get my lap top to answer it. I’ve been coming back to this ask all day, so it’s really long but I love it. Thank you so, so much for this idea!

RFA+Saeran+V+Vanderwood x MC with Large Loving Family

Jumin

Okay so Jumin Han is already such a family man

He’s the dad of the RFA

So when he discovers that MC has such a large family is pleasantly surprised.

Now that MC is in is life, he considers MC’s family his family.

He’s excited at the prospect of having so many people that matter to MC

He first meets MC’s parents and is expects them to like him (who wouldn’t want their child to marry someone like Jumin Han?) but he didn’t expect them to love him so much.

Immediately they’re so loving. “Jumin we’ve heard so much about you! We’re so excited to finally meet you!” and they’re inviting him to family outings.

Which he wants nothing more. Even if it’s MC’s second cousin’s soccer game DANG IT HE WILL TAKE OFF WORK TO GO SEE THAT!

The first time he meets everyone is probably at one of MC’s family reunions

He’s never felt like he comes into a place and is immediately accepted.

People are genuinely interested on what he has to say

Let me just say that Jumin loves his father and no one could ever replace Chairman Han

They understand each other on a different level and Chairman Han has provided him nothing but unconditional love

But damn it’s nice to have some normal family love.He will get to know every person in MC’s family.

He has a calendar for their birthdays, special events and anything else he plans to attend

Yoosung

Okay so at first Yoosung is nervous

Meeting his girlfriend’s parents is another thing but she has a lot of siblings???

Deep concern

MC’s father invites Yoosung to dinner so they can meet.

NERVOUSNESS INTENSIFIES

But when he walks in the door he hears “IT’S YOOSUNG!”

A bunch of little kids of various ages come running in and look at him.He blinks as he’s getting all the attention and is pulled into the house by them.

MC is the oldest sibling so her bringing over a boyfriend who wants to be a vet and likes playing video games is so cool

This really boosts up his confidence

Plus he’s not the shortest person! Yay!

He meets MC’s father who has a toddler on his hip but smiles kindly to Yoosung

It becomes very obvious that a mother is not in the picture.While MC and Yoosung are alone doing the dishes (Yoosung insisted! Despite the fact that he rarely does his own dishes but shhhhh)

He wants to ask and MC can tell

“My mom passed away a few years ago.”

Yoosung nearly dropped his plate he was cleaning “MC I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Yoosung. It hurts but I still have everyone. And you.”Yoosung keeps it together and kisses MC’s forehead

But when he gets back to his apartment HE CALLS HIS MOM AND TELLS HER HOW MUCH HE LOVES HER DANG IT

Zen

“Zenny, how many tickets could you get me for your next show?”

Zen lazily puts his arm around MC “Probably 3 or 4. Why?”

“My parents really want to come to your next show and I think it would be a good way to meet you.”

Zen raises an eyebrow, “Oh really? I’ll see what I can do.”

Zen is pretending to be super calm and chill but oh god this makes him nervous as all hell.

He’s going to have to perform knowing that MC’s parents are in the audience.

No pressure...

The night comes out and he tries to peek around the curtain to see if he can see MC or her parents but with no luck.

He calms himself down but looking at picture of MC on his phone. He is going to be as amazing as he always is.

He of course performs wonderfully

When he goes for the curtain call he hears a lot more applause. Which isn’t too strange because he has many fans that love his performances but this seems more eager.

When he finishes and goes to the lobby to find MC he find her parents with flowers.

They then go on about how amazing he was in the performance. They’re so excited he can barely get a word in. There’s so much praise he starts blushing.What on earth was nervous about???

They go out to dinner and after MC’s parents calmed down (”Mom, dad! Please let Zen say something”) he realizes how great they are.

Also MC has a bunch of siblings? He’s going to have invite them all to his next performance.

After the night dies down and MC and Zen are cuddled up in the bed he thinks about the events of the night.

“Hyun, why are you crying?”

Zen blinks and wipes at his face. He gives a shrug and smiles. “I’m just happy.”

Jaehee

K so I actually have an OC that I’ve been wanting to match with Jaehee specifically because she has a giant family and let’s be real that’s what Jaehee needs.

So this response is based a bit off what I imagine Jaehee and my OC’s relationship.

The first time she is introduced to MC’s family she is pretty stiff and very formal

MC’s parents try to get her out of her shell and be the woman that MC has told them so much about but Jaehee just isn’t having any of it.MC knows what happened to Jaehee’s family and all the hurt she’s suffered.

“How about I invite my parents to the cafe?”

“The cafe??”

“Yeah, it’ll be fun. Especially if my brothers and sisters come. They’re kids, they love sweets.”

It takes some convincing but Jaehee finally decides that it would be a good idea.

They pick a day that’s slow so Jaehee and MC can have time socialize without ignoring any regular costumers.

Jaehee is still working on the sweets when MC’s family comes in. She knew that MC had a lot of siblings but it was starting to get a little overwhelming.

MC gently puts a hand on Jaehee’s shoulder and introduces her to her siblings.

They all excitedly watch her finish up the sweets which puts pressure on her.But once she gets into the groove of making her sweets, she starts to relax a little.

Her anxiety spikes when she actually has to give them

But once she sees that they love them, it makes her relax so much more.

She may tear up a little when MC’s parents say how proud they are of her for following her dreams and creating such a successful business

But the true turning point where Jaehee finally lets herself be herself with MC’s family is around Christmas time.

Each year MC’s family get dressed in horrible Christmas sweaters and take a family photo. Jaehee goes over to Christmas but is fully prepare to watch on the sidelines until she receives an ugly sweater and is in the picture.

Ahhh my heart

Seven

Tries to avoid meeting MC’s family

He knew because of his research that she had a large family

And he already didn’t want to bring MC into this life of danger

So now bringing so many people into his life was really hard for him

MC finally explains to him the part he didn’t know about her life.Her parents are actually her foster parents

She talks about how she bounced around from foster home to foster home. Always getting in trouble and being so angry at the world for the cards she was delt

But then she landed with her foster family. They worked with her and gave her the love that she needed

That gets him to agree to at least meet her parents.

Once meeting them he can understand how they could have done what they did for MC

They’re so kind and patient.

At first Seven is trying to be his old jokey self as a defense mechanism

They’re not annoyed or anything they’re just patient with him

In the end he’s so happy that MC had this life

And maybe he could have that life too

Saeran

Nervous wreck

Does everything he can to avoid meeting MC’s family.

He really worries that he’s not good enough for MC

So MC starts out with baby steps...or in the case toddler steps!

She first introduces Saeran to one of her younger siblings

At first he’s still nervous but he handles being around children a little bit easier

They walk around Saeran’s garden to make him even more comfortable.

At some point MC’s sibling toddles up to him and offers him a flower they plucked out of the earth.

It still has roots and is dirty but it’s one of the best gifts he’s ever received.

Bends down and thanks them and then explains to the toddler what the flower means.

The toddler doesn’t understand but that’s okay.

Slowly Saeran works up the courage to finally meet MC’s parents.

MC asks if he wants to them in the garden but he says no he’s going to meet them for dinner.He works very hard to prepare dinner with MC (she helped him learned some cooking skills and he’s gotten pretty good!)

He’s still a nervous wreck and nearly has panic attacks on multiple occasions but knows that this will make MC happy so he’s going to do it.

MC had told her parents a little bit about Saeran and they know to be very patient with him

Not they aren’t already but they just know a little bit as to what to expect.

He’s quiet at first but eventually he starts to open them up.After a really long time of healing Saeran is so grateful to have MC’s parents and siblings in general.

V

V agrees to meet MC’s parents but like Jaehee he is very formal and almost stiff

He’s not rude or anything but it’s clear he’s keeping his distance

This is due to a variety of reasons

First, MC’s parents’s opinion of him is very important. He does not want to mess that up and he honestly wouldn’t know what to do if they had a negative opinion of him. So there’s that.

Plus, he still struggles with opening up to people.He is getting better at that and not keeping all his secrets to himself but MC’s family is not someone he wants to make a bad impression on.This goes on for a while of V being pleasant but keeping a distance

That is until the idea of MC’s parents going to one of his photo galleries

He agrees but is unsure internally

When MC’s parents see his photos they are absolutely blown away. Their positive reaction makes V open up just a bit more.It is clear to MC’s family that V has a lot of his own baggage.

At one point, when MC’s mother is able to have a moment alone with her she asks. “Do you worry about hurting people?”

V is taken aback by the question. He thinks about it for a moment and then nods. “Yes.”

“Jihyun, do you know what I think hurts people more than sharing burdens?”

V shook his head.

“Knowing that someone you love has a burden but they feel like they can’t share it with you.”

K.O.

He may not ever tell his secrets to MC’s family (and that’s okay with them) but he does let his own personality shine through and eventually creates a great relationship with MC and her family.

Vanderwood

At first is completely against meeting MC’s parents.

He is still use to the agency rules of not having a family

He barely wanted to bring MC into all of it, let alone her family

Too many risks

“Vanderwood, you aren’t in the agency anymore. You can have a new life.”

But after a long time he finally decides to go to their house for dinnerIs shook when he sees how many siblings MC has

How does MC keep track of them all???

But amazingly the house is so clean.

How the heck is Seven so dirty but there’s a dozen people in this house and it’s spotless???

Immediately the kiddos want to play with Vanderwood’s cape/jacket/thing

“Whoa that’s such a cool pattern!” “I want one!” “Can I try it on???”

“Um...okay?” He puts it on one and it’s so big.

When MC’s parents come out they burst out laughing see the young child wander around in the oversize article of clothing

After an evening at MC’s place he realizes how much he missed these types of connections.

He really enjoys himself.

On the way back, Vanderwood quietly takes MC’s hand. “Maybe...maybe I could get Seven to find my family.”

MC squeezes his hand back. “I think that’s a great idea.

If you’re feeling generous then go over to my ko-fi!

[aserniccatnip]

What do you think about Alya and Rena Rouge ?

Dang… Do I really have to answer it ?

Soo… First of all...

Many people talk about the fact that Cat Noir and Mayura have powers and a relative appearance to their kwami, the problem I see with Rena Rouge is more of the subtlety of things. Miraculous Ladybug is for a young audience and Astruc had said it himself, it is still more for girls because he wanted to give girls a superheroine more woman and less child. It's a show for kids. Just keep that in mind. Children don’t notice all the subtleties of the world, but they aren’t stupid. They know you can‘t have blue skin. They know that you can’t see in the dark or that leather ears can’t really hear the slightest sound. They know it because it is a basic knowledge. But Alya? Let's stop lying to ourselves, the fact that she loses waist and is incredibly thin is visible to all, not to mention her chest. Now, you sincerely think that seven years old children and up will say to themselves, "Yeah, if she has a bigger chest it's because her rib cage is wider and it helps her to have more breath when she plays the flute or better shout like a fox ", you think they will say to themselves" yes, if it is slimmer it is because the foxes are slender. " or "in fact it is not so thin, it's just the white lines that accentuate the overall impression", "Her skin color is clearer because it makes her seem more discreet by being more orange like her suit" For Cat Noir, yes, he has a buttlifting, but except when you take the time to notice it, you don’t see it. Rena Rouge? They literally took the time to make an Instagram photo of Alya with Rena Rouge to show the difference between the two girls. Last argument often used: maybe it's just Alya's dream body? In this case, it is both a terrible message from the writers and a terrible message from Alya. Not only do they normalize having a lot of curves but not a single gram of fat and wanting huge breasts at 14, but on top of that, it's selfish for Alya to think about that at instead of saving Paris. The fact that she took the time to say "Yeah, I want a slimmer waist, thinner legs, bigger breasts, lighter skin" when her sisters are destroying Paris, it’s selfish and you can’.t change my mind. And by the way, it’s not cool at all to change a girl’s body on a TV show. Like I said, it’s about subtilities. Everyone knows blue skin is impossible, everyone knows that if you stop eating you can lose weight. Well, not only lose weight and that’s the problem with the message behind it.

[nothingmancy]

Eliot, Being Loved and Trauma in Season 1

The nature of The Magicians, as a show, is that it moves at an odd clip almost always; things are kind of haphazardly lingered over or they don’t have time to #unpackallofthat, which is somehow at the same time frustrating and wonderful until the implosion at the end of season four, but I digress from discussing my beloved ELIOT IN DETAIL:

In season one, Eliot meets a guy who he’s obviously distractedly into (Mike), has sex with him and decides at lightning speed that he is his boyfriend! Given Margo’s befuddlement, which is part classic best friend-being-sidelined jealousy and part “what the fuck,” I think we are justified to read this as a conscious character choice. 

You could argue it’s a TV time thing where we just have this episode and then these many episodes to get through so much content. But it’s most interesting as a character choice. Because Eliot Waugh is presented as someone who would like, maybe, to be described as “ornamental.” He is hedonistic and paints a picture of himself as someone who takes few things seriously and cares about little except pleasure, which he straight-up tells Quentin and thus the audience. But in this same storyline, to say nothing of the season before it, you can also see he cares so much. About, like, everything. Quentin observes he clearly cares about Mike from the effort he’s putting into choosing a dang vest, so this apparently is illustrating to Quentin that Mike is a special exception to Eliot‘s, like, aloof cool or something? But instead it illustrates the level of care Eliot actually puts into cultivating his image, which he directly presents to Mike as something that is, in fact, cultivated. Another little offhanded illustration of this in the Mike storyline is the struggle that we see Eliot have to literally make a cocktail!

So  we know Eliot is his own greatest creative project; the seriousness with which he imbues sharing this shows that it’s not just tenderly revealing, and thus vulnerable, but a subject of some shame. At the same time, I would argue him grandly revealing to a boy he ultimately barely knows his inner Indiana shame is in itself a performance. But then, Mike is playing the part that Eliot needs him to play, and is literally not real! That brings me to the fact that in season one, I was stricken by how much everyone falls for Eliot’s bullshit. Looking back from the vantage of later seasons, it’s especially easy to see where and how facade-y his facade is. But the person who does see through it is actually, uh, actually Martin Chatwin?

So the show never unpacks this fact to its fullest coherent extent, and why would it maybe, but Mike is Martin Chatwin, or at the very least some kind of magical version of a boyfriend bot script running in the shell of a Brakebills alum. But the things that Mike says and does are so, so tragically specific to Eliot, who wants to be seen and known and loved for who he is, not his facade. He wants a steady, kind-of-boring boyfriend and takes it when it’s offered, all at once. He hates himself so, so much, a hatred that goes messily surface-level in the wake of killing Mike.

Martin Chatwin, for me, is one of the weak points of early Magicians. It’s not smart enough as a story to be about the cycle of abuse. It’s also not smart enough to be coherently about him trying to regain power after being abused and losing himself to become untouchable. He has a twisted apparent obsession with childhood that we are supposed to find a little creepy in an offhand joke way, even though, not to belabor the point, he was abused as a child. So rarely do children who experience abuse turn their anger outwards in violence but it’s a story people want to tell, like, obsessively.

But the connection that the Magicians draws between Martin Chatwin and Eliot, while I’m not arguing that it’s intentional, is an interesting one. Eliot’s childhood abuse experience is not like Martin’s except in the way that all abuse can be a shared experience. This plus some implied omniscience, maybe, is probably why Martin Chatwin is able to so perfectly zero in on the fitting puzzle pieces to Eliot’s insecurities and present them in the form of a boyfriend.

That boyfriend is actually a self-proclaimed uncultured bitch from Texas, who actually worries he will bore Eliot, which seems anathema to how Eliot presents himself. But it’s actually that this lack of care about what Eliot pours himself into gives him one less rubric by which to be judged in both directions. He doesn’t offer affection to Eliot based on his entertainment value or lack thereof, but at the same time, he vocally appreciates and admires it. It means that Eliot’s style, all of Eliot’s fussing that he tries so hard at is a bonus, not a qualifier. This guileless lack of judgment is what leads Eliot to disclosing himself as a pretty half-hearted conman, even though he has no real endgame to the con other than like, people thinking he’s cool. And of course, he’s automatically the coolest person beer-drinking Mike knows by Mike’s admission. Eliot really, really wants to have this power in someone’s life; it’s a tailor-made illusion for him.

But most painfully of all, the crux of the story that Martin Chatwin sets up is that Mike sees Eliot. Mike sees both Eliot’s artifice, and the work it took to get to the artifice, and Mike vocally adores all of it. The part of their exchange that fully undoes Eliot visibly, emotionally, is:

Mike: Thank you.

Eliot: For what?

Mike: Just you.

Martin Chatwin, as another abused kid, zeroes in on validation to insert himself into Eliot’s life and the inner circle of, I don’t know, the grad students he’s obsessed with for some reason. We don’t have to think about that too much. But no one else at this point in the show sees through Eliot’s surface-level bullshit except the formerly-traumatized weirdo moth supervillain. And he sees through it so completely that it leaves Eliot destroyed to the point of needing to throw his life away, to the point of literally asking for something bigger than himself and his emotions in condemning himself to Fillory.

If the Magicians would let Eliot be happy, it would ultimately be about him finding this sense of validation in himself: strength in his presentation, in who he is as his most authentic self, but not relying on it as a crutch and shield to keep himself protected from love and the world at large. Able to see himself as not the worst person in the world, and not needing to be a martyring, self-sacrificing hero (specifically, just post-Mike, martyring himself on forced heterosexuality) to prove that he isn’t. It’s such a to-the-bones story about being gay and being okay with yourself, if the Magicians would just let it be.

[dramaplustautology]

Samesies

I love Aco and Solan!! I’m like the old person asking them “Hey, dude. What’s going on?” “Teenage Rebellion.” “Hell yeah, stick it to the old people.”

And I’m at a block for writing other things so I did another scenario to freshen up and also have my OC interact with Ryunn’s in a sort of non-canon/AU way? Anyways, Tariche is a doctor that works for the Thorn and the twins visit him.

I’ll have a bio later, probably. (note that ryunn doesn’t have a bio up so this is just my....omg my fanon of them? nice).

3K Words. Book 3

Examining the newly fastened cast on her broken arm, Aco took her attention back to the doctor and his trailing coat.

“What’s that?” She asked him.

“This?” He finished the scribble on the cast. “So many of you come in here broken and squished, I can’t keep track of who has to keep their casts on for how long. And I hate paper work,” The doctor wiggled in his chair, excited over his drawing. “Instead, you all get pictures that I can remember you by. Look, this is you, me, and Solan. All the little hearts around us mean that we’re in love.”

Aco grabbed the doctor’s marker and drew Xs over his doodle version’s eyes.

He gasped, pushing his rolling chair away from Aco with his hands covering his heart.

“Now it’s a doodle of you both thinking how dead cute my corpse looks!” The doctor tsked, wiggling his finger at her. “Naughty children!”

Grabbing his hand, Aco twisted it and pointed at the lapel of his oversized white coat.

“Tariche, I was asking about what this was.”

The Doctor looked down at the crooked name tag Aco was jangling with his own finger.

“Didn’t you know? Tariche is short for Gregor McScully,” Tariche ballooned a cheek and shrugged. “The trendy way of shortening it at least.”

“Is it still cool when all of your fingers are broken?” Aco’s lips twisted into a wicked smile, about to flatten Tariche’s fingers against the back of his hand.

The Doctor leaned forward, placing his chin on his trapped palm, neither pained nor annoyed.

“You tell me, bloodbag. You and your brother still want my poison?” Tariche mirrored Aco’s expression to an impossibly sharp degree. The only difference between them was black to blond and midnight purple to starry golden vista.

That was suspicious.

“Pfft,” Aco made a satisfied noise. She hated having to ask for things, even after all these years of only demands. "This why you always stand to Solan’s right?”

“Nah, he got wise a long time ago. I just do it to keep him on edge.” Tariche slid his chair away and yelped when Solan caught him from behind.

“Your roots are showing,” Solan smirked, spinning the Doctor’s chair and kicking it towards his twin as the ‘blond’ tousled his course hair. “That trendy too?”

If for only a moment, Solan took some gratification from catching their Doctor off guard. The shorty was a lot like his office; filled to the brim with tools and texts too complicated for plebs to understand, stinking with flowery perfume to mask the sterile bitter smell of disinfectant.

Good thing there were two of them, one to distract and the other to take a stab.

“Did you know Gregor?” Tariche asked, having already collected himself by the time his chair reached Aco. He pressed a small case, not unlike a container for spectacles, to Aco’s lap.

“We picked him up from the weenie factory,” Code for blackmailing him into leaving the Rose’s main base of operations to work for the Thorn. Solan went to his sister’s side and the two shared a high five over Tariche’s head. “He used to squeal when I flapped my eyepatch at him.”

Trying to do the same at Tariche got the Doctor to leap up and attempt to stick his finger into the slit. Slapping his eyepatch back on, Solan just about chomped Tariche’s finger off.

“You must be happy then, no more Gregor to bore you and all of Tariche to—“He took a small vial out of his coat, shaking the clear pills inside. “—Help you leave an impression,” The vial disappeared into his sleeve and he stretched out his arm. “For a fair exchange.”

The twins didn’t need to share a glance to sync up.

“How about you trade those for our threats?” Aco leaned her chair on the door leading outside, about to cross her arms behind her head. The cast cracked and she pretended not to notice, letting it rest and using her good arm as a pillow.

“Hey, Theano? Did you know your kids can’t flex on those poor innocent spindly elves without speed and strength boosters?” He pulled his gloves off with his teeth, spitting them into the trash can by Solan’s boots. “Magic boosters?”  

That trash can was sent flying over Tariche’s head, courtesy of Solan stopping himself short of tackling him to the floor.

“You told us they were regular pills.” Aco stood, getting up to circle Tariche’s chair like a lion closing in on a light meal. The Doctor could hear the leather of her gloves stretching from the strain of keeping her hands to herself.

And the Doctor knew why. Aco knew herself, of course. And Tariche always knew the hard facts others grappled with.

“Regular for Lore,” Tariche clarified, tilting his head to the side. “Magic isn’t dead yet. Not that you need magic to dunk my head into an incinerator.”

Suddenly, Solan was right up against Tariche, hauling him out of his spinny chair and smashing him into the wall.

“I could do that without arms.” Solan growled and it sounded like a promise.

“How long would that take? A few hours?” Tariche’s eyes sparkled with literal stars, about to make his pitch. “With a little boost, you could do that in a minute with five inches of dental floss. Wouldn’t that make your murder pageant dad proud?”

Solan thrust the Doctor at the wall, smacking his head for insulting their Commander. All it did was make the stars flash wild.

“You’re not human,” Aco leaned into the exchange, grasping Solan’s shoulder, advising caution with a mere touch. “Typical magic types. You can’t hide your flashy bits even under pain of death.”

“Me? Afraid of my partners in crime? But I trust you so much!”

Trusted them to want his handiwork; that much and more Tariche knew.

The twins glowered, stepping away to let Tariche slide down the wall and back on his feet.

“What’s this then?” Aco asked, raising the rectangular box Tariche had given her.

“How you’re going to pay me this time.” Tariche dusted himself off and made sure to squish between the twins to get by them. He appreciated how hard they made it for him, refusing to budge.

He made it to his desk and pulled open a drawer filled to the brim with glass flasks. The multicolored potions sloshed and he roughly fished through the fragile ware for a particularly bubbly blue one. Swishing the contents around once to get the concoction mostly homogenous, Tariche popped the cork and drowned the drink.

“There’s a syringe inside the box,” Tariche gestured at the container. “That’s the antidote.”

Blinking at him, the twins struggled to understand what the Doctor had done.

“Did you poison yourself?” Solan gaped at the emptied flask.

“This is a new invention of mine. I came up with it all by myself!” Tariche explained, starry eyed again. His audience was captive after all. “It’s strawberry flavored this time but you can slip it into enemy supplies without notice. That’s whole communities if you hit an important well,” He winked and the twins could hear the literal twinkling sound his eyelid made. “There’s some time between ingestion and visible effects that I haven’t figured out yet but it should keep the fair and magic folk alive long enough to find out we have the antidote.”

And that they had to turn themselves into the Rose if they wanted to stay alive.

“Not sure why you want me to give you the antidote but I’d be happy to stab you.” Aco tossed the box and fiddled with the cathartically long needle. Tapping the bubbles out of the barrel on the corner of the cabinet, she playfully aimed it at the most tender part of the good Doctor. It was a hard decision considering how the Doctor was tender everywhere but his heart.

“How nasty are the symptoms?” Solan asked, scratching his chin as he looked Tariche up and down uncomfortably close. He could see the Doctor’s black roots. It seemed that the twins and Tariche shared the same shade of hair. Gross.

“My orifices are going to burn and squirt blood. All that horror stuff to really scare us clean and pretty magic folks, as far as I know,” Tariche tugged on the corner of his eyes to check if it was leaking. His heart was racing from the rush of not knowing for sure. “Luckily, I’m a masochist. You have to be if you want to enjoy getting into medicine.”

Past that, Tariche had nothing to say.

He usually did whenever he had one or both of the twins strapped to a cot, at the mercy of his unending stream of difficult nonsense.

Oddly, neither of the twins were comfortable with the utter quiet. Maybe it was how the Doctor just stared straight ahead, staring at nothing like it was everything on the page of a novel. They could see his pupils vibrate under those weird fairy sparkles.

“And you’re fine with siding against your own people?” Solan asked, orbiting around him with curiosity. Was one of the symptoms making his teeth heavy?

Rolling his head back on the chair’s backrest, Tariche considered the question.

“I don’t know them. Who cares?” He sighed, lingering on the words left hanging in the air. “If you’re wondering if I’m angry at ‘magic’ in general. No, I’m like you.”

“No.” Aco said.

“Please, no.” Solan shook his head at the same time.

“I don’t need to know everything to see that I see the same face in the mirror that you see on each other,” Tariche steepled his fingers on his belly, tapping them as he began to become impatient for the physical pains. “I love not knowing. It makes new books amazing even when they turn out to be puerile garbage. The only thing I don’t know for sure is my mom and dad issues.”

“How did you—“

“Dang, was it the mom or the dad?”

Instantly, the twins clammed up, wondering if Tariche had spoken up to save them from giving up too much.

“Anyways, my mom was the magic one, which is the simplest way of putting it,” He chewed on his cheek, wondering if it was a nervous tick or a reaction. “I didn’t find out about it until we met for the first time after I hit my teens.”

He looked like he was still in his teens, if not younger than Aco and Solan. Then again, both knew what it was like to grow old in the middle of childhood.

“She asked me if I had a lot of people, and I could have if I tried. Didn’t tell her that though,” He kept chewing on his cheek, close to drawing blood. “Mom said that it was good. If she stayed with me, I wouldn’t have anyone and my life would be lonely. Worse, she told me her life would have been better. Full.” Red began leaking from his mouth. “We didn’t know that for sure.”

Stock still, Solan glanced at Aco and watched her slowly stand with the syringe at ready.

Then, Tariche got up too. He had gone from waaaaaay out there to squared shoulders, standing at attention.

“Commander Theano, what brings you here?” Tariche asked.

The twins span around, finding the door still closed.

“I hate needles!” Tariche cried, taking advantage of their confusion to sprint past them and out of the quarantine office.

The Thorn were going to go from having one bad medic to having no medic.

“Crap!” Aco and Solan jumped into action, tearing through the door and past the rows of occupied beds. A gnome strapped to one of the cots struggled in their restrains and Solan pulled the blanket over the head to shut them up.

There were at least four rows of beds for Tariche to hide under until he croaked. He wasn’t going to crawl out easy if he was more afraid of needles than he was death.

Oh but the Doctor loved to blab.

“You weren’t finished,” Aco kept her voice steady, at conversation volume as she padded past the beds. There was enough light to see the Doctor’s prone silhouette. “What does joining us have anything to do with fixing your mommy issues?”

“I’ve read the history books. I know what kind of trouble she got up to. It took long for her to get it together but the effort was admirable. Her taste in lovers? Disagreeable.”

Aco heard his nonsense and pinpointed the cot he was hiding under, tugging off the blankets to find no one but a very upset elf.

“Quit crying!” Aco shushed the prisoner, catching sight of a few drops of blood across her way. She locked stares with Solan in the other aisle, nodding in the direction of the gory trail.

“Trust me,” Tariche couldn’t stop himself from speaking up. “I know what I’m doing. There’s nothing to be afraid of when it comes to your precious Commander either.”

“If he catches you, I’ll be happy to skin you myself,” Solan goaded him, closing in on the Doctor. “Blackmail or not, he knows who’s in his corner.”

“Theano doesn’t care about loyalty. In fact, the scariest part of this entire situation is how he wants—“Tariche was wracked by a violent cough. The twins weren’t sure if it was because of the poison or if the Doctor was faking because he had no idea. “Doesn’t matter. It wasn’t me but I was caught before and now, I live again.”

‘The poison’s going to his brain,’ Solan mouthed to Aco. ‘Can’t we let him stay like this for a bit longer?’

The curtain hiding the bed directly beside Solan swung open.

“But this time, I know how to throat punch you.” Tariche got the jump on Solan but the boy’s gut instinct lead his eyes to the angle of the Doctor’s arm.

Seeing it coming from miles away, Solan raised his hands to shield his neck and allowed Tariche to imbed his fist on his rock hard stomach.

“Need a medic?” Solan grinned as Tariche cringed from the blunt force trauma he afflicted on himself.

“Right here!” Aco jumped behind the Doctor and stabbed the needle into his neck.

Wailing like a murdered ghost, Tariche was too shocked to move before Aco pushed the plunger down, injecting the antidote into, miraculously, the right spot for it to act quick.

If it weren’t for the twins catching his arms, Tariche would have broken his nose to top this entire humiliating spree off.

“Look!” The doctor flailed, still disoriented from the effects of that messily cooked poison. “I can fight now! I used to only know how but I can actually do it with my own hands!”

By all means, Aco and Solan were allowed to sneer at the disgusting display. But, if only for a moment, some form of impossible fondness.

“Same.” They whispered together.

All of a sudden, Tariche lifted his head.

“Your friendship means a lot to me.” He said before his head lolled to the side.

And the twins were about to drop the Doctor on his face when they heard the footfalls of boots they had come to memorize. The Commander wasn’t going to happy with the only Doctor on site, who was definitely not Gregor, going out of his mind on bad blue soda.

“I know who that is!” Tariche turned his chin up, almost as furious as the Commander was going to be. “I read the obituaries!”

Each of them slapping a hand over Tariche’s mouth, they thought fast and not hard.

Having heard the Doctor’s shriek, Theano entered his wing to see if a prisoner had escaped. Smartly, he left the trailing Thorn members outside the room to find Solan in the nearest bed with an extremely bloated stomach under his blanket.

“Aw man, I ate so much,” Solan complained, rubbing his writhing belly. “Why, good morning, Commander Theano. The eggs were bad today.”

His belly tried to yell, barely held back by Aco restraining him under the sheets.

“Remove that blanket,” Theano ordered, patience thinner than the starving mage strapped to the other bed. “Now.”

“It smells pretty bad, just saying.” Solan lied, sweating bullets as his Commander’s frown deepened.

“Remove. The Blanket.” Theano wouldn’t repeat himself.

“You know what’s also bad?” Tariche managed to yank Aco’s hand off of his mouth a little late to the right cue. “You at oral exams!”

In the space of a fraction of a second, Theano’s face when through all hues of shock, realization, rage, and steeled stoicism.

“I don’t understand what that means.” Solan admitted, more interested in his Commander’s actions than at Aco’s one armed wrestling match with Tariche happening right next to him.

Theano breathed in, then out.

“You have ten seconds to come back to reality.”

Solan stole a peek under the blanket, betting a face full of blood vomit.

“We need ten hours.”

The Commander had already slammed the door shut.          

[forestwater87]

“JASPER DIES AT THE END” (S2E5) MASTERPOST: THE WRITERS ARE BRILLIANT (AND DAVID IS CUTE, TO NO ONE’S SURPRISE)

Hey guys, you know what everyone wants to talk about with this exciting episode that teases major character death and angst? 

A book about a monster made of frozen meat!

No? Just me? Well fuck it, I’ll save the John Dies at the End talk for the end of this post, but someone is going to listen to me freak out about it, okay?! Because it is goddamn brilliant!

First though: Baby Davids.

SO MANY BABY DAVIDS.

This is actually not a Baby David. It might be hard to tell, considering he’s an adorable baby, but this is actually a grown fucking man.

Which makes the fact that he’s driving a car pretty reassuring, I guess.

Although he must stop making that tiny little pout mouth, because I might actually dehydrate myself from crying so many tears. 

It’s so cute. It’s too cute.

David, I’m really gonna need you to keep your eyes on the road more than 30% of the time.

Good boy.

Also, is his steering wheel at dick height? That . . . seems wrong, somehow. Where is it?

(Also HopefullyPessimistic pointed out that he’s not wearing a seatbelt. To be fair, I don’t think this car has seatbelts, at least not in the front, but that’s not very safe!)

DAVID

LOOK AT THE FUCKING ROAD

Thank you.

GODDAMN IT YOU’RE A BAD DRIVER!

Anyway, they’re all going to the hospital because the kids glued Space Kid to cardboard, I think? And apparently this isn’t something that can be cured by, like, putting him in water until the glue and cardboard dissolve.

To be fair, I wouldn’t trust whatever chemicals are put into the glue Campbell buys (and let’s be real, probably makes). It might be a good idea to seek immediate medical attention.

Why are the kids there?

Shh, don’t ask questions. Just look at how cute Max and Nikki are.

See, isn’t that better?

Anyway, Nikki gets David talking about his time as a Camp Campbell camper just like they are now! (Seriously, how many fucking times has David used those exact words?)

David is overjoyed!

(And adorable.)

(And still not looking in even the general direction of the road!)

Max is . . . less so.

Nikki’s face!

David please, you’re gonna kill someone!!

At this point Max gets so upset he apparently starts tripping balls. Or . . . maybe they all do? Maybe this is the result of glue fumes?

I can’t imagine it’d make David’s driving any worse, at least.

And now . . . flashback time! Which means . . . CUTENESS AHOY!!!!

Oh.

This . . . is not what I was hoping for.

If Campbell could just try not to look like he’s eye-fucking the audience I’d really appreciate it. He’s like his very own Workplace Sexual Harassment video.

Baby Jasper is precious. I realize that there is no non-baby Jasper so calling him “baby” is a bit unnecessary, but . . . look at him. He’s such a baby!

The way Campbell defers to QM is oddly sweet. I wanna know more about their relationship.

I’m gonna need someone to explain to me how that moth is alive after being presumably squished between the pages of the book. Also how the Quartermaster is reading without looking at the words.

There is no good way for me to animate QM’s mustache, but trust me, it moves when he talks and it looks kinda like an octopus swimming and I find it unreasonably endearing.

UH OH GUYS

WE GOT TROUBLE

HIS NAME IS DAVEY

AND HE’S THE TOUGHEST OH MY GOD I CAN’T HE’S JUST SO FUCKING CUTE SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE LOOKIT HIS LITTLE FACE AND HIS NEAT LITTLE HAIR POOF OH MY GODDDDDDDDDD

Ahem. Anyway.

Glad to see that David never outgrew his “pushing people out of the way, often literally to the ground” phase. He’s apparently been doing that since . . . 9? 10?

Okay, is it just like a rule that female counselors have to have hair that does that? This two-tone thing is ridiculously confusing, though at least this one doesn’t look like a hat.

. . . Wh-where did you get that can from, David? Where on your tiny body did you fit it?

Gasp! 

No, honestly, that does upset me. Don’t litter; it’s disrespectful and disgusting and grown-up David would be very disappointed.

Davey would like you to know that he thinks nature is stupid. At least, that’s what I think he’s saying; it’s hard to concentrate because he sounds like Mickey Mouse with a sore throat.

Also he keeps making faces that are so cute I almost drown out the dialogue by screaming.

I know I call David a kitten too much, but look at me and tell me you don’t see an angry kitten. Actually, don’t tell me, just unfollow me, because we clearly will never agree on anything important.

Boyfriends? Boyfriends.

BOY. FRIENDS.

You might think breaking out “square” and “dang” are cheesy even for David, but this was probably like 2002 or so? It’s a little-known fact, but obscenities actually weren’t invented until 2004, most people believe with the success of Lil Jon. So this was actually appalling for the time period.

Davey gets to go on some magical probably-vaguely-racist nature quest with Jasper and Campbell! And boy, is he thrilled!

There are going to be a million comparisons to young Davey and Max by everyone who watches this episode, which makes totally sense because they’re so similar and it explains so much about David’s attitude toward him and his refusal to never give up and all that.

It sounds like there’s a “but” at the end of that, but there isn’t. It’s just going to happen a lot. And that’s a pure and good thing.

I need adult David to roll his eyes even, like, a tenth as much as Baby David does. It’s so fucking cute it hurts.

Jasper is a good good boy.

You know, I have a crimelord/FAHC AU where the Quartermaster is Campbell’s right-hand man.

I’m starting to think that maybe it’s actually the other way around.

(Also David’s being totally unimpressed and Jasper’s general confused faces are so good.)

Cam, never make that expression again. Please. For the children.

David actually says “SIGH.” Even as a “bad boy” he’s the biggest fucking dork.

So they’re off! Exploring! They don’t get very far, but Davey’s face goes on a motherfucking journey all its own. Join me, won’t you?

The noise I made at this face was inhuman. I sounded like someone had stepped on my throat really hard.

That was an adventure of a lifetime, and I hope you all enjoyed taking it with me!

I literally wrote “Max” instead of “David.” I’m just not used to see that little face so angry.

This is the “check out the balls on new kid” moment for Davey, when he seems actually kinda impressed that Jasper’s telling Campbell they’re lost. Sure, Jasp isn’t a new kid, but his “this oughta be interesting” expression is great.

“We are FUCKING lost!”

No, he didn’t say that. How great would it have been, though? 

Actually, @hopefullypessimistic84 has my new favorite theory, and I’m just gonna paste it here because it’s genius:

since David was the one telling the story to the trio...we don't know for sure Davey said "Darn"

The boy could've been saying some no-no words

I’ve adopted this as canon. Jasper had to learn how to swear somewhere, right?

I have no comments. David is just like 75% eyes and it’s very important to me.

David: torn between resentment and admiration for Jasper (and probably Campbell). And crossing his arms like a little dweeb.

I feel like we need to have a a conversation about how Jasper looks exactly like Griffin McElroy. (To me, anyway. I might be the only one who sees it.) Which came first, the design or the voice?

David is perfect and Campbell gives no fucks.

B

O

Y

F

R

I

E

N

D

S

Some cute Jaspers, mostly for HopefullyPessimistic but let’s be real, we all need some cute Jasper in our lives.

Have I mentioned that Davey is cute? Seriously, there’s like nothing else to this post. He sounds like Mickey Mouse and looks like a ball of sunshine had a baby with a kitten.

JESUS CHRIST, CAMPBELL

Can we talk about how David knew Campbell was going to kill him? Because he’s the one telling this story, after all.

Sad David is my favorite thing. Sad Baby David is even better oh my god.

“I know I’m a bad kid —”

“I’m rotten to the core!”

Sweetie, you're like if a Chihuahua got bitten by a radioactive young Haley Joel Osment and transformed into the cutest thing on the planet. 

You’re no Max.

Can we just have a conversation about how Davey looks when he says “and even if I’m not as good as he is”?

Baby

BABY

How deep does this inferiority complex go?! When did it start?! WHO KEEPS TELLING YOU YOU’RE NOT AS GOOD AS OTHER BLONDE-HAIRED BLUE-EYED TWINKS I’LL FUCKING PUNCH THEM DAVID YOU’RE SO PERFECT AND LOVABLE JUST THE WAY YOU ARE SHHH DON’T BE SAD

Seriously, though, this is goddamn heartbreaking. He’ll later say that saving Jasper was reaching his “full potential” — and I mean, yeah saving someone’s life is pretty fucking impressive, but at ~10 years old he shouldn’t consider being the sidekick to someone else’s story his main accomplishment.

Baby. Don’t do this to me. I can’t handle these feelings.

BRAVEHEART!

There are times where I just have pictures and no commentary, and I ask myself if I should just not include those pictures, because I don’t have anything interesting to say about them. And then I look at this motherfucker’s face and think no, this deserves to be stared at.

Stare at it, guys.

I should point out how cute all the kids look, but I’m pretty sure the only thing that exists for me right now is DAVID’S FACE WHAT THE FUCK AM I EVEN LOOKING AT MY BOYYYYYYY

(Also good job letting those eyebrows grow in, babe. It wasn’t a great look.)

This is the closest David will get to rolling his eyes as an adult, and we need to appreciate it.

NIKKI WHERE IS YOUR SEATBELT

THIS DRIVE IS SO UNSAFE

I AM SO STRESSED

These images are good and pure.

Wait wait wait wait WAIT

TWINSIES! (Or . . . same-person-sies. Whatever, he kept this expression into adulthood and I am here for it.)

As David’s mouth gets smaller, so do the colored parts of his eyes. You know what I’m going to say about this.

Is this post too long? Yes. Is it going to stop me? Nope!

DON’T FUCK WITH DAVEY. HE’LL FUCK YOU UP.

God this post is getting stupid

Look at him prance! That’s the intimidating prancing of someone who is gonna fuck you up

Jasper has been underrepresented here, which is a shame because he’s a lovely child and wait where’s the second half of that bear?

I mean, it’s standing on its hind legs, right? But . . . where’s the rest of it?

@ciphernetics pointed out that if Jasper had lived, he would’ve had these big scars across his chest and David would kiss them and now I want to cry so fucking thanks for that, Netics. Let’s all be sad together.

Does anyone else get a weird “Scuttle looking at human objects” vibe from this? Just me?

Just me, then.

D:

Don’t point that there, Campbell! That’s how lawsuits start!

David is not fucking around.

NOT. FUCKING. AROUND.

(Honestly, I’m slightly amazed that he got out of this forest alive. By the way, if I’m lost in the wilderness, please just use technology to save me. I don’t give a single fuck.)

David is the O.O face. He just is.

“I’ve seen bears do some pretty crazy things before.”

What . . . what kind of impossible things, Cam?

Why are you making that face, Cam?

Was it . . . was it sex things?

Look at little detective Davey! He’s my Scooby son and he can’t do anything without looking like a total dork and I love him more than life itself.

Here we have Heartbreak OH SHIT: A Triptych

(shoutout to Lemony Snicket for teaching me what a triptych is, btw. I swear I’ve learned more from those books than actual school.)

LOOK AT DAVID’S FUCKING SWEET MOVES!

Okay, someone explain to me how he could avoid getting stabbed/clawed/stomped on by three bears two bears and a maniac, yet cannot avoid damage from a single solitary bus? What happened to your moves, Davey?

Oh my sweet Jesus LOOK AT THIS FACE GUYS

Also I might just be a monster, but my response to these events would absolutely be “HOLY SHIT THAT’S THE COOLEST GODDAMN THING I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!” not “hey you didn’t have to murder the bears.”

I mean, you kids realize that bears . . . run? Trust me, you weren’t getting far without some good ol’-fashioned bear murderin’. 

Fuck, I can’t believe I just complimented Campbell. Ew. Ew. Ew, this feels wrong and weird and gross, like when you fall asleep without brushing your teeth. Ugh, let’s move on.

Well, they seem to have recovered. (Good. Appreciate the awesome.)

I’d also like a story about how the 3 of them carried those bears down a mountain, but I guess that’s for another flashback.

He absolutely thinks he’s gonna get in trouble here and my heart cannot handle it. Honey, please. Tell me who hurt you.

Thaaaaat’s unsettling.

I mean, it’s not, it’s adorable, but eyes shouldn’t do that. Makes me wonder if Campbell slipped him something up on that mountain.

Wouldn’t put it past him, is all I’m saying.

LOOK HOW HAPPY HE IS!

LOOK HOW MUCH JOY HE’S GETTING OUT OF FEELING WORTHWHILE FOR ONCE IN HIS SHORT LIFE wait a second.

That’s awful.

Does David seriously love Camp Campbell because it’s the first time he’s actually felt like he accomplished something? Is this episode actually really fucking depressing and not in the way we all assumed it would be?

Shhhh don’t think about it! Look at how cute he is instead! 

Awww I just wanna snuggle him. And give Jasper immediate medical attention. 

(Seriously, Campbell, the fuck.)

Here we have a grizzled old man stealing a small child’s nipple. I know it’s too high let me have this goddamn joke okay

I’d call David an asshole for not caring about Jasper’s sadness, but considering how much this episode made me feel like crying in a corner already, I think it’d be pretty mean to shit on this poor kid’s happiness by pointing out what a jerk he is.

Besides, we don’t know Jasper. He was kinda a dick in the beginning of this episode too — though to be fair this was all told by David, so I have to wonder how much of that was his obvious hatecrush.

“Ha, look at me! I’m so great! Don’t you . . . don’t you think I’m great, Jasper? Jasper, are you seeing this? How great I am?”

H A T E 

C R U S H

Cute cute cute cute cute

Also um the fuck

David

This is why people on Tumblr call you gay

It’s this

All of it

All of the this

Going off to hit on/brag at his depressed totally-not-crush. Guys I ship this so hard.

I

Okay but

what am I supposed to SAY here?!

He’s beautiful!

He makes me want to cry!

I made a legitimate squeaking noise at the cuteness of these pictures!

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY, DAVID?!

WHY ARE YOU SUCH SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS?!

Fuck this fuck. Ruined my stellar commentary. (Ha, yeah okay.)

And now for the part I actually wrote first because I’m too excited, and nobody else will care about!

John Dies at the End is a novel by David Wong (who also serves as the narrator; think Lemony Snicket, if he was a drug-addicted depressed nihilist asshole who . . . okay, just think Lemony Snicket). It’s also a movie; I haven’t seen it, I keep meaning to, I’ve heard mostly-good things. The book is a masterpiece and I love it so goddamn much.

So what does it have to do with Rooster Teeth? 

Well, the title’s an obvious nod, which Miles has just straight-up said. But also the titular John is an upbeat, recklessly gung-ho guy always eager to jump into anything, which usually leads him into getting into trouble — and dragging Dave, the reluctant, cynical asshole who wants nothing to do with these adventures, into shit with him. Now who does that sound a bit like?

It’s something of a stretch, but I don’t think it’s too far off: Jasper is John, the energetic do-gooder with a serious ego — hell, they even have the same place in the title — and David is Dave Wong, the reluctant hero who despite not wanting anything but to be left alone, ends up doing the right thing because he just can’t fucking not when shit gets real and no one else is willing to step up.

And then, obviously the major reference is in the fact that John does not die at the end of John Dies at the End. I’m honestly upset that I didn’t see the end of this episode coming, because the title basically tells you, if you picked up on the reference, that Jasper will absolutely live.

Which he does.

Also the sense of humor is a great combination of deeply poignant and so immature you can’t believe actual adults sat down and wrote it. So, obvious parallels.

THESE WRITERS. THEY ARE SO FUCKING GOOD.

(This is what being an English major does to you, kids. It’s not good for your social life. You will overanalyze everything. Obviously I highly recommend it.)

[monochrome-typewriter]

Sorry for asking, but what's wrong with the musical?

Long bitter rant under the cut.

Have you ever seen the movie North? Most of the jokes in that movie are centered around taking stereotypes and exaggerated rumors about different groups of people and pushing those to a ridiculous extreme. The jokes aren’t clever or funny because most people know those stereotypes are nothing close to the truth. It comes across as lazy, desperate, and stupid.

That is basically every single joke pop culture ever makes about the LDS church. Simpsons has done it, Chicago did it, Family Guy has done it. It’s easy, low hanging fruit because almost nobody in America knows anything about the LDS church outside of stereotypes and exaggerated rumors. People accept these jokes because they don’t know better, and writers are never encouraged to try harder because these jokes are profitable.

You know what people don’t know? It was technically legal to murder LDS people (men, women, and children) in Missouri until the late 70s (there were laws made before that time that would’ve protected them, but the order stating they needed to be exterminated was still in place for that long). The early members were forced from their homes, assaulted physically and sexually, murdered, harassed, and so many things I don’t even want to go into. Many of them had to walk over the Rocky Mountains in winter to settle in Utah to escape being slaughtered, and still people came after them. Because they couldn’t let them live in peace. The order was for them to be exterminated.

Even today, there are loud protests outside whenever the worldwide broadcast is sent over the world. I was a kid when I first got to see the broadcast in person, and I exited the building to screaming, swearing, people waving signs and trying to grab at people. There have been perfectly kind protestors in these groups, but not everyone is.

My mom was asked about her “horns” as a child, because kids at her school believed that “Mormons” were devil worshipers and had horns. Many people still consider them a cult, when they’re literally just another Christian religion. Just one that believes in modern revelation. The founder of the church was fourteen years old when he supposedly had his first vision, and people harassed this fourteen year old child for claiming that. He was tarred and feathered multiple times as an adult, and one of those times lead to the death of his baby because the men tarring and feathering him couldn’t even be bothered to shut the door behind them.

Not to mention the fact that the most common joke about “Mormons” is regarding polygamy, which was never funny and is now pretty dang insensitive considering an LDS girl was abducted and forced into a plural marriage at, what, also fourteen I believe? Polygamy was a thing in the early days of the LDS church, but that was done away with in 1890.

LDS missionaries, who are usually around 18-19 years old, are frequently killed in foreign countries. There have been young boys and girls who have been abducted, beaten, assaulted, and endured so much because they’re trying to share their beliefs, but that never gets any attention.

What’s more, there’s the fact that they’re still called “Mormons” when that was a derogatory term used for them back in the days when they were tormented. Modern LDS people have tried to insist that they be called Latter-Day Saints instead of “Mormons,” but they’re pretty pitiful when it comes to complaining about this stuff, so they’re easily ignored.

Wanna know something else? There were no LDS rights activists in history. Only a few individuals who brought up that maybe this was a bit unfair. Mostly, they were ignored. They’ve always been ignored. Now, the only impact they have is these lame, inaccurate jokes.

Then Book of Mormon comes along, taking the freaking name of one of the LDS holy books (I suppose next we’ll get Quran the musical?), and it’s made by former Latter-Day Saints.

What did they do with it? Nothing. They made just another musical with general jokes meant to appeal to a general audience that informs no one. It was cheap, easy, and hugely successful.

It’s not the most offensive thing. LDS people aren’t even the type to get offended by that stuff. They’re too busy organizing youth camps and bake sales and and, particularly in Utah, being so sheltered and cliquey that they don’t even seem like real people. The problem is that it was praised and rewarded for accomplishing nothing smart. There’s no real element of satire. No jokes that are actually relevant or accurate. You could replace the “Mormons” with anything and nothing would change. It feels like it only got successful because they called the characters “Mormons.”

And nobody knows because even after over 100 years, nobody gives a shit about the LDS church outside of accusing it of things that are untrue.

I don’t consider myself LDS anymore. If I was, I wouldn’t be making a fuss because the leaders talk about “turning the other cheek” like Christ did and such. LDS people avoid the musical, but they don’t complain about it.

I’m sick of it, though. I’ve seen funny jokes made about the LDS church by the LDS church. People who know what they’re talking about and are self aware enough to poke fun at the silly and sometimes hypocritical side of the religion. Those things never get noticed, though, because like I said, nobody cares. Instead, the dumb thing gets 9 Tony Awards and a Grammy Award.

It’s not the worst thing ever. It just pisses me off because these guys had the resources to make something smart, but they took the usual lazy route (actually, an even lazier route since they didn’t even make jokes specific to the LDS church) and were praised for it by so many.

Make fun of the LDS church. By all means. Like I said, they’ve done it themselves plenty of times. There are some really terrible people in the LDS church, and they can lead to decent comedy. I just want people to actually care to make accurate jokes.

Imagine if Space Balls were written by somebody who had never seen Star Wars. It had nothing to do with Star Wars, except it had some characters that physically looked similar and had similar names. That wouldn’t be considered a clever comedy, because people would see the laziness.

I just want people to speak up about this, and since the LDS members themselves won’t do it, I’m doing it instead.

Maybe I’m overreacting, because there could be way more offensive things getting the praise instead. I guess you could say BOM was the straw that broke the camel’s back. It has nothing to do with the LDS church, but it takes the name of their sacred book and claims to be about LDS missionaries. And it was a huge success.

I’m just tired. I went through hell growing up LDS, both from outside and inside the church. I also went through some amazing things. I just want someone to actually give a shit about all that. I want to know I wasn’t alone, and that people outside won’t keep saying “I hate all Mormons and want them dead, but I’m not discriminating!” (That’s an actual conversation I’ve had.)

I’m sorry. It’s all incredibly biased, but I’m sick and tired and I want to either be completely ignored or given attention that’s legit. Please?