#dan what have you done to my roommate's cat

[cryptidcurator]

my roommate asked me to cat-sit and now we're bonding over Dan and Phil

@danielhowell @amazingphil

[fullmetalbunny16]

Ok so I'm going to like rant for a minute here about my latest hyper fixation that's been going on for about a year AKA one of the best obscure 80s horror films of all the time

REANIMATOR 1985 directed by Stewart Gordon

AKA one the most goated if not THE most goated obscure 80`s horror film ever

-I'm not very good at writing essays so this is just a brief analysis of the dynamic between Dan and Herbert and how I think Herbert screwed Dan over narrative wise (it's not as simple as I'm putting it)

(Unrelated but also I wanted to mention how unnecessary SA scenes happen to be a common trope in the movies unfortunately)

Starting with this fucker right here

(that is PEAK pathetic meow meow he's so awesome I hate him I wanna put him in a microwave💖)

-one thing I wanted to note is how Herbert doomed Dan from the get-go, so if you let me explain basically Meg was doomed by the plot because due to her being a female side character in an 80s horror film and being seen as a nuisance by West soon that image being projected on to Dan but not as direct and only seeing it as a difficult situation to where she is being quote unquote "unreasonable" when it comes to the work up until inevitably it's too late for Dan to take it back cuz his fiance is killed Wests very creations,the very thing that he assisted in resurrecting being the very indirect cause of his fiance's death.

-now moving forward we can see a turn of events where the very moment that leads to Daniel Cain's downfall is when he allows Herbert to move in. Megan's off put by him and tries to voice her concerns to Dan but Dan just brushes it off believing that West is just a little strange but nothing to be concerned about, then Meg discovers rufuses dead carcass in wests room.

-any normal person would immediately kick Herbert out and notify the police but of course Dan shockingly gives him the benefit of the doubt AGAIN after Herbert tells him he didn't kill his cat and he found him like that.

(of course Herbert probably didn't kill Rufus but it's still creepy and weird to keep your roommates dead cat in your fridge)

-my point being Daniel is doomed narrative wise, the very moment of his downfall could have been was the day he met West but also whenever he allowed him to live as a roommate with him and his fiance.

-his true Fall from Grace is when West manages to convince him that he can reanimate dead parts and "needs" his assistance (maybe he did but let's not ignore the fact Herbert is openly manipulative to try to keep Dan from leaving the work and it works every single time because Dan is shockingly easy to manipulate)

(also but to be fair if I was in Dan's place I would be easily manipulated too because Herbert's freaking adorable while also being a conniving bastard)

-one funny thing I wanted to note is how Jeffrey Combs accidentally implied Herbert doesn't know what sex is just thought that was funny

-another thing is it's not just Herbert's work that also caused the death of Meg but also caused the death of Meg's father and indirect loss of dans scholarship leaving Dan no choice but to turn to West and assist him, and yes maybe Daniel could leave any moment he wanted to but due to the damage that's already been done he probably felt like he couldn't go back so he felt like he just had to double down on the work.

-also how Herbert convinced Dan saying how they could cure brain death which basically is unheard of and how Dan himself saw how Herbert's serum worked in front of his very eyes and how Dan also happens to be a very caring person who just wants to help people this gave Herbert a pretty solid opportunity, and boy did he take it!

-also quoting what Bruce said on the actors commentary Herbert's work to him is basically what sex is to anyone else, it's borderline erotic especially that one scene in Bride where Dan decides to take control when they're reanimating the bride and Herbert's look of absolute flabbergastation is hilarious.

-also I'm not justifying Dan staying with Herbert knowing openly what they're doing is kind of inhumane but "it's in the name of science of course!!"

-so basically yeah Dad is kind of doomed by The narrative basically since you know Herbert is the main character of reanimator, I mean Lovecraft literally wrote small separate stories dedicated to West so of course he's the main character I'm just saying that due to Herbert's influence it caused Dan to essentially lose everything.

And basically if Dan just slammed the door and Herbert's face none of this would have happened the end!!

(also I'm dog water at making essays and this wasn't even an essay it was just a small analysis of how I thought Herbert doomed Dan from the get-go and how I thought like the chain of events that happened when Herbert entered his life caused us downfall for him and I also have a deep head cannon that in the events of beyond reanimator Dad's life spiraled even further because West wasn't there he had no one to assist he had no one, Herbert was the last person he had left before he turned him in and sent him to prison and I doubt Francesca stayed with him after the incident with the bride so yeah that's basically what I think)

This is how I headcanon how Dan is during the events of beyond because I refuse to believe that man is living in peace

[brooklynislandgirl]

1: Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer?2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why:

Things That Make You Squirm || Accepting

"I said you could aks me a question, an' dat's technically two.” Of course she’s ribbing him, and will continue to do so because she’s trying to make him laugh. She never sees him do that. “First answer…depend on wha’ I’m doin’ right? Kitchen counter for makin’ san’wish, or salad, or openin’ a can of cat food for a particularly greedy boy who know beddah dan t’ jump up on it. Couch f’ watchin’ tv, playin’ games, readin’, knittin’, nappin’. I mean dat really is da mos’ versatile. Also, no tell da dryer, but it makes beddah place t’ fold laundry, too. Speakin’ of which, you should go pull yours out of it. So I can put mine in. An’ dryer is bes’ place t’ get naked cause ya don’ wanna wear your scrubs for one more minute an’ heaven f’bid you strip out of dem once you get inside because your braddah will start screamin’ at you like you’re guilty of committin’ war crimes. An I mean…if you’re inside ya own hale, den who cares if ya in ya underwear?” She half grins but then it dies, not only on her lips but in her eyes and she hides it away by picking up the laundry basket with the sheets and towel, padding barefoot down the hall toward the laundry room. Her loft is the size of literal mansions, the whole place takes up the entire fifth floor of the six story building that she and Andy own. Her only roommate is her brother. They’ve mentioned maybe letting him take one of the open units below, but first they want to make sure there aren’t any legal problems. Her already small voice is even softer now. “Las’ sexual encountah legitimately was…almos’ ten years ago. I uhm…I was in med school. I’d managed to match at my teaching hospital, an’ was lucky enough to have my favourite teacher be my mentor. Now in my own defense, he was probably da first man who wasn’t Andy an’ wasn’t a shark, dat I ever fell in love wi’. An’ after spendin’ so many years at his side, learning an’ growin’ an’ becomin’ friends…I had a fantasy. I…I tried to explore dat fantasy on my own…” Her normally preternatural grace is lacking as she drags things from the washer and putting it in a second, empty basket. It’s almost angry. What it really is though is embarrassment. One stupid mistake that changed the entire course of her life and only managed to make the Admiral disdain her further. “I dunno if it’s because I did it wrong, or if I’m jus’ not capable of actually uhm…you know. What happens when ya done…doin’ dat… But I made da mistake of writin’ it down in my journal. An’ next time I had t’ present my notes to a room full of med students and doctahs? Someone had slipped in da wrong slides into my presentation. I stood dere talkin’ about kids wi’ cancer, an’ behind me, every feelin’ and every uhm…physically romantic thought I had about his hands and his mouth…right behind me in big bold lettahs.” She laughs but there’s something very broken about it. “An’ dat is da day I quit medical school t’ become a nurse somewhere away from him, an’ how I decided sex is not somet’ing I really need or want. And discovered dat Africa was a very beautiful an’ culturally diverse place.”

[highdefinitions]

Tag Game To Better Know You!

Send this to people you'd like to know better!

thanks for the tags @shutupdevvie <:3

What book are you currently reading?

i don't know why i've done this but right now i'm reading like...three books at once. i'm not sure why because i never do this but for some reason it's become this but ANYWHO i'm reading summer of night by dan simmons (enjoying very much ! i love a good horror novel), the american roommate experiment by elena armas (i never do not finish a but but i might dnf this one i don't think it's really for me), and don't let the cold in by kelly parrack (i love ya mystery/thriller novels i don't know why but they are so special)

What do you usually wear?

it depends how i'm feeling...sometimes i am a sweatpants girl all the time, sometimes i'm a jeans girl all the time. recently i've really been rocking the jeans and since it's colder i like to layer stuff. i try to keep it somewhat casual idk. just got docs for christmas so i've been wearing those a lot but usually i'm a high top converse girl those are my ride or die shoes

How tall are you?

...i'm 5'3. my license says 5'2, but i think i'm 5'3...small

What's your star sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or historical event?

i'm a scorpio !! i just learned that i share a bday with a twitch streamer i've recently started to really love so that's cool and fun (jubby nation !!)

Do you go by your name or a nickname?

uhhh well...about that...percy isn't my real name OMG SHOCKER!! but i don't mind nicknames for it btw...as for in real life and what people call me...sort of. my real name has a nickname for it but i'm not the biggest fan of it and for some reason only certain people can call me it and get away with it

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be as a child?

uh no. maybe also sort of yes. when i was a kid, i wanted to be a vet and i started to go to school for that but then i was like THIS SUCKS LOL and i was having a lot of mental health issues pertaining to being in those classes so i said FUCK THIS and changed my major (which is totally valid for anyone to do btw i know it's hard as fuck though to get over the mental hill of that) but i do sort of run like a side hustle dogsitting and i also do some work on a farm so i still get to work with animals :)

What is something you’re good as vs. something you’re bad at?

i'm good at...being obsessed with things. IDK FUCK!! i guess i'm good at escape rooms (ohhh my goddd that sounds so lame but i am) and i'm really bad at like...everything else. i have such a hard time staying on task and managing my time properly

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what's your favorite picture/favorite line/favorite etc. from something you created this year?

you know i think i have a lot of favorite lines that i will fawn over (at least one probably in everything i write) because i try to get like one REALLY GOOD one in there but i think all time, the one that takes the motherfucking cake, is that line from closest to heaven. you know what i'm talking about. the one where josh says "I'm not a particularly religious person, but I do sometimes think that something divine had a hand in creating you." yeah that one. that one might be my favorite.

Dogs or cats?

i used to be anti-cat but then i GREW TF UP!!! come on people. i want both. i've never had a cat before but i definitely plan on getting one in the future. they're so silly and fun. i've always had dogs though, so i don't think i'd be able to go without those either. my dog is my bff <3

What's something you would like to create content for?

i think i have a lot of ideas for things and i will occasionally write things (that will never see the light of day) for what i'm interested in. i think the whole lore for the band ghost is so cool (even though tobias sometimes does make it the most ridiculous thing Ever). that's just an example by the way, i just think anything really Lore Heavy is so awesome and could be so fun to explore and write stuff for because there's So Much There, you know? i could probably talk all about that for a really long time but i will spare you

What’s something you’re currently obsessed with?

oh geez. i am always obsessed with something. recently i've been very into the group chat (isaacwhy, softwilly, yumi, bigt, larry, and grunk). i think they're some silly funny guys. also been pretty into cartoons again which is fun to try and attempt to heal my inner child. always obsessed with dr. pepper and music. been really really enjoying the new boygenius record. if you want to see more stuff i'm into, i would check the caard i have in my navigation post. i'm always forgetting something.

What's something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

there was definitely something !! there definitely was !! i just cannot for the life of me remember it ?? maybe i guess the like little two week vacation i went on during the summer ?? i knew it probably wasn't going to be the best time of my life considering some stuff that happened the year before but i still really like the daytime stuff we do, the shit at night bums me out (this probably doesn't make sense to you unless you're dev and you know the whole story but explaining the entire story to all of you would probably be longer than any fic i've ever written so)

What’s a hidden talent of yours?

i'm going to give a bullshit cop out answer and say writing because no one really knows that i'm Okay at it sometimes

What's something you wish to have at this moment?

time and motivation to WRITE goddamn seasonal affective disorder is kicking me in the teeth

literally the only person i will tag is @gretagolden but if you would like to feel free to do it also !!

[terrainofheartfelt]

What are your Dair pet headcannons?

do you mean pet by "these are the headcanons I cherish most" pet hcs or like "what are dan and blair like with pets" bc if the former, I may need more specificity to answer, but the latter I can do you for rn.

They're both cat people. I mean, Dan is the kind of guy that just...all animals and babies automatically love him, but I don't think he's the type to have a dog unless its something his roommate and/or partner really wants. And Blair? definitely not a dog person. She thinks they're cute from a distance, but they usually come with smells and jump on people when they shouldn't. (The exception of course, is her dad's bulldog Handsome Dan - a name of coincidence from which Harold and Roman [mostly Roman] get a lot of mileage of jokes. anyways Handsome is an angel who has done nothing wrong in his life, ever, but other dogs? Nah.)

in my Blair Dumps Chip and Moves to Paris au, Blair does smuggle Cat away from her dad's vineyard and brings her home to her apt in the city.

I do think they would get cat(s) after they've been living together for a while. Dan really wants one but his only reticence is how allergic his sister is, which Blair refers to as a pro on her list. They adopt - because of course they do, this is Dan - and from a long list of pretentious art and literature names they land on Daphne (for du Maurier...Anais was a close second)

[sidebar: remember in 30 Rock when Liz Lemon got a cat and named it Emily Dickinson? I think about that two times a week. ok end sidebar]

Blair is firm that We are only getting one, Humphrey. One. But then one day, one of her friends at the office is talking about the litter of kittens they're trying to settle into good homes, and she stomps through the front door at the end of the day with a whole slew of more cat related purchases and a carrier with a lil kitten. They name him Truman (for Capote). Dan's gloating knows no bounds.

[blackjack-15]

Are You Poe-ndering What I’m Poe-ndering? — Thoughts on: Warnings at Waverly Academy (WAC)

Previous Metas: SCK/SCK2, STFD, MHM, TRT, FIN, SSH, DOG, CAR, DDI, SHA, CUR, CLK, TRN, DAN, CRE, ICE, CRY, VEN, HAU, RAN

Hello and welcome to a Nancy Drew meta series! 30 metas, 30 Nancy Drew Games that I’m comfortable with doing meta about. Hot takes, cold takes, and just Takes will abound, but one thing’s for sure: they’ll all be longer than I mean them to be.

Each meta will have different distinct sections: an Introduction, an exploration of the Title, an explanation of the Mystery, a run-through of the Suspects. Then, I’ll tackle some of my favorite and least favorite things about the game, and finish it off with ideas on how to improve it.

If any game requires an extra section or two, they’ll be listed in the paragraph above, along with links to previous metas (or not links, as tumblr is freaking out with links).

These metas are not spoiler free, though I’ll list any games/media that they might spoil here: WAC, mention of Sabrina the Teenage Witch (the OG live-action show not the horrible CW monstrosity); discussion of the Poe short stories “The Imp of the Perverse” and “The Black Cat”.

The Intro:

It’s time to go to school, y’all — and not just any school; a rich, elite, all-girls school. Welcome to the jungle.

Warnings at Waverly Academy is one of two games that I don’t sort into a category (like “Expanded” “Jetsetting” or “Odd”), the other being the game that follows it (TOT). There are a few reasons for this — the next category really doesn’t apply, but neither does the previous category, WAC and TOT both feature a gradual shift in tone and approach to the games, etc. If I really had to pick a designation, I’d say that these are the “Growing Pains” games, where the world gets a little bit more open — but not all at once, the characters get a little more fleshed out — but not by much, and a few new things are tried with our character rolls — to varying degrees of success.

On the whole, WAC tackles its efforts far better than TOT does, but it does make for a slightly less interesting meta if one was just to focus on what WAC does wrong and what it does right. Instead, we’re going to take a look at how brilliant WAC is tonally and thematically, and how its source material — not kept secret in the game — builds it up and makes it better and better upon replays.

Before I begin, it’s fair to warn you all that my thesis was done on Poe and adaptation theory (and its relevance towards detective novels but I won’t touch much on that part of it), so I might get a bit nerdy. Hopefully it’s still exciting and relatable enough to the game that it’ll make for interesting, rather than academic, reading.

WAC uses Poe’s stories — specifically “The Black Cat” (obviously) and “The Imp of the Perverse” (in my slightly expert opinion) — as thematic (what the game means) and tonal (how the game feels) touchstones, not to mention their inclusion for some of the events in the plot. A brief summary of both is probably important when looking at how they relate to WAC.

“The Imp of the Perverse” is an essay-like short story by Poe that basically states that inside of every person is the desire to do something wrong or incorrect simply because it is wrong or incorrect (not morally, but in terms of self-interest).

In the story, a man commits a clever murder and gets away with it, receiving the inheritance that he wanted from the dead man. The man cannot be caught — there is no evidence of any wrongdoing, let alone any that points to him — unless he confesses. The idea of confessing — not out of guilt, but just because it would be the wrong thing to do — plays on his mind until, driven half-mad with his preoccupation, he confesses and is imprisoned and executed. The titular “imp” is basically a devil on the shoulder who wants what would be worst for our own self-interest, simply because it is the worst.

MENTIONS OF ANIMAL CRUELTY FOR THE STORY OF THE BLACK CAT. PLEASE SKIP IF THIS BOTHERS YOU.

“The Black Cat” on the other hand is pretty much a proto-“Tell-Tale Heart” — an alcoholic man becomes emotionally distant from his cat (a rare sentence, I know) because he things the cat is judging him for being a drunk; one night in a drunken rage, he cuts out its eye and kills it. A fire catches his home, leaving an imprint of the hanged cat upon the only standing wall.

END OF DIRECT MENTIONS OF ANIMAL CRUELTY.

The man and his wife move, and he, after a period of guilt, makes friends with another cat — a cat nigh-identical to the first one, even missing an eye. When he (drunk, as per usual) and his wife are walking down the cellar stairs, however, he nearly trips over the cat and becomes enraged, trying to kill the cat, only to be stopped by his wife. He instead kills his wife, burying her behind the wall of the cellar and bricking up the hole.

When the police come by they find nothing, and the cat has disappeared, so the man feels safe. The police come back to investigate the cellar, the man taps on the wall to boast of how well the house is made — only to have horrific screeching start up behind the wall. The police break the wall down and find not only his wife’s body, but the black cat sitting on it as well. The man breaks down, overwhelmed by his own guilt, and the story ends.

END OF BLACK CAT STORY SYNOPSIS.

It’s pretty clear what influence “The Black Cat” had on WAC — not only does the villain name herself after the titular cat, but WAC is also a story of guilt, hidden crimes, and personal weaknesses that manifest in rage towards other innocents.

It’s actually really interesting that Corine takes the mantle of “The Black Cat” up when she begins targeting other valedictorian candidates; the black cat in the story is sort of a symbol of the man’s sin — a reaction to his sins and misdeeds, and sort of a catalyst of justice. This ties into how Corine sees herself — someone rejected and mistreated by those who are “filthy” themselves, and who must then show others the things they hate about themselves.

It’s Corine’s self-identification as a victim that starts all this, and it causes her to victimize others in potentially fatal ways. The black cat stands for guilt, for the sins of others, and yet it leads Corine further and further away from any justness herself.

The story of “The Imp of the Perverse” has a little bit of a more subtle tie-in to the game; in a way, each suspect does exactly what they know they shouldn’t.

Rachel and Kim are obvious — they really shouldn’t switch back and forth so regularly, nor should they be so sloppy at informing the other as to what they did and who they met that day. Leela, who should be studying if she wants to keep her spot in the race, instead passes the time by playing sports. Mel knows that the cloak-and-dagger meetings are to be an absolute secret, yet wears hair bows that she constantly loses to one. Izzy has her future meticulously planned out, yet refuses to back up an incredibly important paper (and also relies on being popular, yet pursues other girls’ boyfriends).

Even Corine falls under this; by targeting Nancy, she’s ensuring that suspicion will fall on her, as 2/3rds of the victims would then be her roommates. She’s also cutting her chances of being valedictorian by not working hard for it and instead relying on other, riskier methods. Every move she makes leads to it being more and more obvious that she’s behind them — and yet, she continues anyway, just like the man in “The Imp of the Perverse” — leading from a few small incidents to attempted murder.

Ignoring WAC’s ties to Poe renders it as a good, solid mystery without anything remarkable about it (other than the pendulum, of course). Exploring its ties to Poe not only helps set up exactly who the villain is, but also sets the tone for the mystery. This isn’t a mystery of Nancy foiling a villain through her smarts; instead, it’s a story about how guilt and a perverse desire for self-destruction leads a once-promising valedictorian candidate to more and more severe crimes, culminating in the exact opposite of what she was working for.

The Title:

It’s pretty awesome, full stop.

Warnings at Waverly Academy is honestly a great title for a Nancy Drew mystery; it gives us location, a sense of the world we’re in (scholastic), and a vague yet not too vague sense of what’s going on. The alliteration is good, the abbreviation amuses me — it’s just solid all the way around.

There’s not much else to say; sure, you could strengthen it by finding a punchier “w” word to begin with, but that’s just quibbling. It’s great, I love it, let’s move on to the Happenings at Waverly Academy (which, by the way, would have been a terrible name for the game).

The Mystery:

Called in as a professional undercover detective, Nancy’s just young enough to hide in plain sight at Waverly Academy, an upper-crust private school for those girls fortunate enough to be both rich and smart (aside from a few scholarship students, who are simply smart). Nancy’s called in due to a few near-death experiences by students, punctuated always by notes simply signed “The Black Cat”. It’s only a few days until break ends, so Nancy must work quickly to stop the sabotage, find the Black Cat, and solve the mystery before anyone dies.

Nancy, as always, finds quickly that not everything is so cut-and-dried. Each valedictorian candidate has the motive, means, and opportunity to get the other girls out of their way, and all have something to lose. Add in a secret society, the threat of demerits from an overly zealous RA, and the sneaking feeling that there might be a greater mystery behind all of these incidents, and you get a case mostly unlike any that Nancy’s had to crack before.

Oh, and Ned is on the phone, serving the player up with the single punch of testosterone in the game (aside from the hunky Mr. Harris, of course).

As a mystery, WAC is honestly super solid. Lots of characters, lots of clues, lots of red herrings, lots of mini-mysteries going on inside of the larger mystery…it’s everything you want from a Nancy Drew game, and it doesn’t really drop any of the balls it juggles. Sure, the pendulum might be a bit much for you if you’re not up on your Poe, but I think it’s a lot of fun, and for sure a very different type of ending puzzle — not drowning or running out of air or any other ending that Nancy Drew games likes to do.

Let’s go to the movers and shakers behind this mystery, then, shall we?

The Suspects:

Mel Corbalis is the fan-favorite character, so let’s start with her in this huge, estrogen-laden cast. Distinctly of the goth persuasion, Mel is a fantastically talented cello player and a Waverly Legacy, despite the fact that no one at school wants to be caught dead near her. She’s not an outcast the way that Corine is, however, because of her simple insistence on being exactly who she is, and not trying to hide or apologize for it.

Go Mel.

As a suspect, Mel is slightly more suspicious than most other girls, on account of Megan being her roommate, but otherwise sits on fairly equal standing with them all. She’s by far the most outwardly aggressive, but also comes across as simply no-nonsense (a welcome thing in any girl’s academy, believe me). She also has the least of Poe about her, despite her taste in fashion, and is in general a breath of fresh wind.

Next up is Leela Yadav, athlete extraordinaire. She sure can bounce that ball, at least. Izzy’s roommate and just as much a social climber (though in less in-your-face ways), Leela wants it all — popular, athletic, and valedictorian. It’s a lot for any girl to handle, much less one who can’t seem to keep it all together.

As a suspect, Leela’s not bad — she’s as even as (most) anyone else throughout the first half of the game, but falls off a bit when Izzy isn’t specifically targeted by the Black Cat (as most of her gripes are against Izzy, particularly). Leela’s more there to increase the number of students and throw suspicion around, but she does a darn fine job of it, and is well-rounded enough to be genuinely enjoyable.

We’d be remiss not to mention the queen bee (and my personal favorite suspect) at Waverly Academy, Izzy Romero. Snobbish, arrogant, and with apparently the smarts and people skills to back it up, Izzy is the first Waverly girl that Nancy (as Becca) meets, and boy does she set the player up for what Waverly is really like. Izzy’s smart enough to know when she should put in the effort and clever enough to delegate it when she can, and that alone endears her to me, even leaving aside her hilarious dialogue and general vibes.

As a suspect, Izzy is the sole girl who really isn’t set up to be much other than what she is — a girl with more than enough smarts to get power, and enough power to pretty much do what she wants to do. Sure, Nancy can catch Izzy doing stuff she shouldn’t do, but she’s never really a heavy-hitter when it comes to the Black Cat stuff. I love her for that, too. She’s a lot like Libby from the original Sabrina the Teenage Witch show; a bit nasty, but hilarious and effectively harmless — and I’ve always liked Libby-style characters.

And her stint in the Blackwood Society is aces too. Man, this girl does not quit.

Rachel Hubbard, is, of course, actually Rachel and Kim Hubbard, and they are the plot point that WAC is most known for. They actually have marginally separate personalities too, with one being far snappier than the other, and having strengths in different subjects.

Part of the reason I love the Hubbard twins so much is that their presence is so...Poeian. Poe was all about duplicity and mirrors, and the Hubbard twins show off both themes. It’s just a wonderful little bit of a nod to the source material (thematically speaking) of the game, and I adore it.

As suspects, the Hubbards aren’t bad at all; they’re lying, sneaking around, and blatantly “forget” what they’ve said to people, all of which adds up to be very untrustworthy. Were it not for Nancy (and Corine) sneaking around, they might have gotten through their Waverly experience without anyone figuring it out — and that’s something to respect, even if it does make them prime targets for blackmail. And speaking of blackmail…

Corine Meyers is both Nancy’s roommate and 100% our villain this time around. Obsessed with becoming valedictorian and knowing she probably won’t get it, Corine basically puts out self-assigned hits on each of her fellow candidates, attempting to get the title by violence rather than by being worthy. She’s even cunning enough to blackmail the Hubbard twins into doing some of her dirty work, throwing people off her scent. Sure, Corine is a rather pathetic (in the non-sympathetic sense) person who I have little respect for, but she does make a good villain in a Poe-ish story.

As a suspect, the game actually makes a pretty good go at not assigning the blame too quickly to anyone, so Corine does manage to hide out in the shadows. Sure, one of the girls who went home was her roommate, but the other was Mel’s, so suspicion isn’t centered right on her. I also love that she’s actually punished for what she does — no amount of sad pictures at the end of the game changes that. Corine actually has the cleverness that CUR tries (but doesn’t succeed) to give Jane, and I think it’s wonderful.

I’m not going to give Megan Vargas or Danielle Hayes their individual chunks, but they are present here as well, standing in as victims so we know that this teenaged effery very nearly had a body count. They really help to give a sense of…well, purposeful disconnection to the game, where the setting and the snow and the fact that these are high school girls doesn’t stop the crimes from being deadly.

The Favorite:

The first thing that I have to say is that I love how the tone and crimes of this game contrast so well with a lot of the games (especially, sorry, CUR). This takes place at a school, your suspects are all teenaged girls…and yet the game doesn’t shy away from how horrific things really are to get Nancy called in. Two girls have nearly died in quick succession from one another, and the girls are going on chasing acclaim. It’s a messed up situation, and the game doesn’t shy away from pointing that out.

These crimes are treated with severity, and the culprit, despite things that might have softened her ending under lesser writers, is punished with total removal. WAC in some ways is a spiritual successor to SCK, in that it takes place at a school, lives are endangered, Nancy is (mostly) undercover, and the culprit is not above killing Nancy messily solely for personal gain. The difference, of course, is that SCK is not done well, and WAC, on the whole, is.

As mentioned above, I have a soft spot for Poeian detective stories, and so I enjoy WAC probably more than I would had they modeled it after, say, Holmesian detective stories instead. The ideas of duplicity, mirrors, guilt, the Imp of the Perverse — the self-destructive tendency to do what we should not simply because we should not do it — these are all present and accounted for in WAC from different girls and facets of the plot (Corine and the secret society both represent duplicity, the Hubbard girls are mirrors, Waverly’s own guilt towards the students it failed, etc.).

My favorite puzzle has to be WAC’s resident cooking minigame, where Nancy prepares hot lettuce sandwiches and definitely underdone cookies to the delight of the gossiping horde. It’s like TRN’s cheeseburger minigame writ large, and every second of it is wonderful — the gossip, the food-making, the unexpected panic of a teacher order — everything. It also helps Nancy keep her head above water, should she be caught sneaking around after hours, and I think that’s great as well.

My favorite moment of the game is when Nancy comes out of the wall in Mel’s room and Mel isn’t having even one iota of her excuses to cut and run. It’s not often that a non-villain will press Nancy so intently when Nancy does something Inherently Untrustworthy, and I think it’s great that a 17 year old girl behaves exactly as one would, demanding an explanation and not letting Nancy wiggle her way out of it. Sheer perfection and the moment, I would guess, that Mel became a lot of people’s favorite WAC character.

I also love everything to do with the Blackwood Society. Nancy goes so…metal there and we really don’t get enough of Metal Nancy. It features one of the few moments of absolutely, unequivocally brilliant voice acting that Lani stumbles upon (the conversation about the bow), and it’s a wonder to behold.

The Un-Favorite:

While WAC certainly has great things about it, it’s not by any means a perfect game. It wouldn’t sit in my top 10, and possibly not even in my top 15, though it would depend on the day. The reasons for this?

A big one is my least favorite puzzle: taking the pictures. It’s a good idea — a gofer quest to help Nancy get to meet each student, talk to them, etc. and make sure no one gets lost in the shuffle (like with what usually happens with Guadalupe in ICE, for example) — and is also great for acquainting Nancy with the Hubbard(s). However, in practice, the interface makes it incredibly obnoxious to do, what with having to retake pictures because the pan or zoom is slightly off, and having to jump around from place to place. It’s a good idea, but could have been implemented far, far more smoothly than it actually was.

My least favorite moment in the game is actually the whole deal with Izzy’s paper being deleted. It’s a dick move — and I have no problem with that, honestly, but the fact that she has no backup is just like…girl, what on earth are you doing where you don’t back up your work.

Adding to that is the fact that even in the far-off yesteryear of 2009, Word autosaves (as did many, if not all, word processors) and a copy definitely would have still been retrievable on her computer, and that the teacher would almost definitely have a previous rough draft or at least outline…it’s a pretty shaky thing to have happen (the not-having, not the deleting), and it does break the game down a bit. I know it’s not that big a deal to most people, but it seriously hampers my ability to stay within the world of WAC and to take the mystery seriously.

The Fix:

So how would I fix Warnings at Waverly Academy?

There’s honestly not too much to do; while not a perfect game, WAC is perfectly solid, accomplishing what it needs to do properly and well, without too many little flaws to mar its reputation.

In other words, it’s a bit like an unsuccessful valedictorian candidate; well-rounded, but not a standout when compared to others that burn a little brighter.

I would, however, re-work the picture task; I’m not sure how you could make it less clunky, mechanically speaking, but it definitely needs it, along with a way to know if it’s a good picture or not before you go through all the effort of going to the library and plugging in the camera. I love the idea — just make the idea work better.

I’d also change the “deleted paper” storyline and go a little more destructive — give the computer an awful virus instead. Sure, her paper is backed up (in 2009, probably on a USB drive, or saved to her email or something), and she has her stuff, but that locks away all personalized notes, study sheets, etc. It’s something that would be pretty damning for a Valedictorian candidate, while also still being firmly in the realm of believability.

And on a smaller note, remove the ability to call Bess in this game. It always goes to voicemail and serves no purpose. Why even include it?

Where WAC really shines is its individualistic approach to each girl and in its permeation of Poeian themes; that’s what makes it special as a game, rather than any of its individual parts. Sometimes, you need to take a break from haunted mansions and carousels and museum thefts and marriage troubles and friends who are always in need of help – and you just need to play a game with gossip galore, hot lettuce bagels, and an actual death-bringing pendulum to round it out.

[throwing-roses-into-the-abyss]

Fic wrap-up

It’s been a shitty year for everyone, myself included. 2020′s really done a number on me, and my mental health is currently at the lowest it’s been in years. BUT I’m working on it, and I figure part of that is being proud of what I did do, the things I did make, despite it all. 

So this year, I somehow wrote (and posted) 10 fics, with a total of 21,507 words. The longest fic I wrote was 6K, the shortest just 827 words. I know in the grand scheme of things that isn’t much, but considering, you know, everything, I’m still happy with that. 

And I think y’all were happy with it too. Several of these fics got 1000+ hits! Considering for me usually anything over 200 hits is a success, that’s amazing.

I did learn this year that I am terrible at tagging, and at knowing what my stories are actually about. I think I probably write more hurt/comfort and found family trope than I realize. Also the usual domestic suspects like cooking/eating and sleeping together, I write those way more than I realize. If someone sees other recurring themes in these, let me know? I’d be really curious to hear what other people think these stories are really about.  

Thank you all so much for reading, and leaving kudos and comments! I still get an email almost every single day that someone left kudos, and it makes me a little bit happier every day. 

So just to share them once more, here they all are, sorted by fandom: 

Dan & Phil: 

mating calls  5 times Dan loved Phil’s subtle attempts at flirting through animal facts, and one time he didn’t. 1354 words, teen and up audiences  Tags: 5+1 fic, getting together, 2009 fic, fluff, mentions of family members, animal facts, gay animals, bad flirting through animal facts, making animal sounds, gratuitous abuse of artistic freedom when it comes to available technology, by which I mean I have no idea when phones got email just bear with me okay

House Hunters   Kath and Nigel go down to London to help Phil and Dan find a house to buy 827 words,  gen Tags: moving, POV Outsider, headaches & migraines, bugs & insects Just You, And Him  You first realize your feelings may have changed when you look at him pouring coffee, eyes bleary and curly hair flopping around chaotically as if he’s had a restless night again. Or, the one in which there is a lot of pining. 921 words, gen  Tags: POV Second Person, pining, yearning, food, getting together, oh my god they were roommates

and they were roombas  Dan knows that, as a manmade inanimate object, he should not be capable of talking or of feeling anything, let alone love. Not that it matters, because there’s no way Phil feels the same about him anyway. Dan is content to live his life cleaning floors and occasionally bumping into Phil, without ever doing anything about his feelings. That is, until one fateful day they get stuck under a table together…It’s a race for survival and love as time starts running out. Will they live happily ever after or will their love fade as quickly as their batteries? 2027 words, gen  Tags: crack, roombas, swearing, there’s a cat, I don’t....I don’t know what else to put here, the word war chat made me do it, I don’t know what this is either

Star Trek: Picard:

on this fresh morning in the broken world  Guinan has heard a lot of rumours about Picard’s latest adventures and the crew of La Sirena. She never quite believed them, knowing fully well how rumours tend to be exaggerated. Then Picard shows up to ask her to join the ship for a while, and Guinan realizes she’s never done learning after all. 3033 words, gen  Tags: guinan meets the sirena crew, canon divergent, holosquad, introspective, trauma, spoilers for picard, no I mean it there are spoilers here, do NOT read if you’re not up to speed on picard

HIStory 3: Trapped: 

Jack Tries To Become A Normal Member Of Society  After everything’s settled down and Jack has taken his time to relax and enjoy this newfound life with Zhao Zi, he decides it’s time to find a normal job. After all these years as a mercenary and working with the mafia and Interpol, how hard can it be, right? 3271 words, gen  Tags: shenanigans, comedy, some (threats of) violence, sex mentions, swearing, blood, menial labour, annoying customers, unrealistic scenarios, found family trope, quite possibly the single most self indulgent fic I’ve ever written

how two hands touch  Okay, maybe Tang Yi does sleep better when Shaofei is there. He’ll never actually admit that though.(a 5+1 fic) 2414 words, teen and up audiences  Tags: fluff, domestic fluff, food, banter about food, cooking, some angst and sadness but I promise everything will be ok, shaofei does go into the hospital again sorry about that, I figured he’s used to it, set from mid-canon to post-canon, not beta read My Engineer: 

Duen Holmes and the Case of the Missing Cupcake  While at the volunteer camp, Cupcake goes missing. Duen decides this is the perfect opportunity to try out some sleuthing.Or, the one in which Duen plays Sherlock Holmes, and finds out some very interesting things indeed. 6495 words, teen and up audiences  Tags: cupcake the lizard, camp trip, fluff, crack, so just like a regular episode really, canon compliant up to episode 12, spoilers up to episode 12

Unrooted  King has some thoughts on Ram's tattoos. 988 words, gen Tags: tattoos, introspective Unspoken  Ram has some thoughts on King and his plants. 1531 words, gen  Tags: introspection, plants

[cyncity2000]

73 questions tag! tysm @goodlesson , can’t say i’ve ever had anything like this before but hey it’s not like I have anything better to do rn 😅 

answers under the cut! i tag @rene-royale @teenager-confused-tired @sawafilmtoday @onedoesnotsimplystormthebastille if you feel like it, but no pressure bc this is a LOT and took me a couple days to finish lol

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? um. could be worse, could be better?? so 5. 

describe yourself in a hashtag? no. twitter and all its shitty hashtags can go to hell.

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? weird question. nobody?? i wouldn’t want to??

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? not to be all dan smith on main but like...’come to this please’

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? uhhhh idk. i’m very open about most aspects of my personality i’d say

what’s your wake up ritual? stay in bed as long as possible and then YEET at maximum speed so i don’t waste the day

what’s your go to bed ritual? tell myself i should go to bed. pick up my phone instead. regret it in the morning.

what’s your favorite time of day? 2pm or 9-10pm 

your go to for having a good laugh? macdoesit or drawfee videos on youtube. truly the best.

dream country to visit? i wanna go back to england and france, also i’d love to visit literally anywhere i could

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? falling in love with my college roommate probably,, didn’t see THAT coming

heels or flats/sneakers? bitch i’m 5′10″ with size 12.5 feet. converse.

vintage or new? vintage looks cool. i am not cool. so new.

who do you want to write your obituary? idk man i don’t wanna think about that now???

style icon? if you knew me irl you’d know style is not a word in my vocabulary

what are three things you cannot live without? my cat, my friends/gf, and my cd collection 

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? i do not bake or cook, the real world is going to kill me immediately

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? i’d be too stressed to make food for people but i’d love to like. go OUT for dinner with...dodie, dallon weekes, and pj liguori. they’re all just cool people i follow and i wanna know what they’re LIKE. 

what’s your biggest fear in life? failure due to lack of confidence, motivation and direction in life :)))

window or aisle seat? i’d say window but i am long boi so aisle is usually nicer unless i trip someone by accident

what’s your current tv obsession? still supernatural, also brooklyn 99

favorite app? tumblr :D

secret talent? despite my crippling procrastination issues i’ve almost always been a straight-A student 🤷‍♀️

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? drove myself two hours to a concert in february, or maybe the time i did a really hard ropes course or went to the badlands?

how would you define yourself in three words? introverted, distracted, nerdy

favorite piece of clothing you own? maybe my waterparks sweatshirt bc i had a dream last night that i donated it and then went back to the store to buy it back lmao so subconsciously i must really like it

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? you gotta have that one pair of black jeans that goes with anything imo

a superpower you would want? flying. it’s the only recurring dream i’ve ever had and it’s my only answer ever

what’s inspiring you in life right now? all the people doing big or little things to help. the ones doing instagram lives or sending money or supplies to people in need or just giving me more faith in humanity

best piece of advice you’ve received? can’t remember any. why doesn’t anyone give me good advice

best advice you’d give your teenage self? do your laundry on time. don’t wear...whatever that was to school. just wash ur fuckin clothes. also don’t let it bother you that you’re single the whole time. you’ll get there.

a book everyone should read? they both die at the end by adam silvera. you WILL cry. but you will love it. 

what would you like to be remembered for? i have no idea. being a non-shitty person at least.

how do you define beauty? happiness.

what do you love most about your body? idk being tall is kinda nice

best way to take a rest/decompress? get a blanket. comfy clothes. my cat. put headphones on. put some music on or watch youtube.

favorite place to view art? on tumblr and instagram! i follow soo many wonderful artists it’s great

if your life was a song, what would the title be? Oh No (What Is She Doing Now?)

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano or guitar. i suck at both and if i could be good at ONE i’d be happy

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? been thinking about this tbh. somewhere on my arm definitely but idk where D:

dolphins or koalas? dolphins!!

what’s your spirit animal? a cat?

best gift you’ve ever received? for christmas my sister bought me a cute lil box meant for displaying concert tickets and it was the most thoughtful thing ever. also the AMAZING studio headphones i’m currently using that my mom got me like three years ago for christmas

best gift you’ve given? probably when i bought me and my best friend tickets to see the Sherlock S4 finale in a movie theater 

what’s your favorite board game? cards against humanity, one night ultimate werewolf/alien, settlers of catan

what’s your favorite color? porpleee 💜

least favorite color? hmm they’re all valid except for like. puke green.

diamond or pearls? neither lol

drugstore makeup or designer? neither 😜

blow-dry or air-dry? blow-dry but i never do bc it takes y e a r s

pilates or yoga? yoga!

coffee or tea? both but only hot tea or frozen coffee 

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? thanks to tumblr the word ‘defenestrate’ has entered my vocabulary and I do not regret it

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? either. chocolate is chocolate 🍫

stairs or elevators? tbh stairs, i’m just a lazy bitch

summer or winter? winter. cold > hot

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? i’d still get tired of it :( i need that variety!!

a dessert you don’t like? none. dessert is dessert and it is all valid if i can eat it

a skill you’re working on mastering? writing, working from home, playing the guitar

best thing to happen to you today? currently watching mike gross play old brobecks tunes :’) he also just saw my comment yay

worst thing to happen to you today? i had cheesecake for lunch. sounds good but it’s the only thing i’ve had today besides a piece of chocolate and my body is Not Happy

best compliment you’ve ever received? someone on fanfiction dot net once left me a comment saying they’d almost cried at my story and called me “a true writer” and it’s honestly one of the only thing that keeps me writing...i’m still mad they weren’t signed in so I’ll never be able to thank them for it.

favorite smell? lemon, cookies, fresh-cut grass

hugs or kisses? hugs!!

if you made a documentary, would it be about? somethin gay probably

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? honestly...probably “who the fuck is keith” fjadskljfd

lipstick or lipgloss? like peyton said chapstick is the only valid answer

sweet or savory? depends how i’m feelin, love both

girl crush? besides the obvious one (my girlfriend), honestly not many? there’s this one girl i follow on insta who’s big in the panic! fandom and jESUS SHE’S SO PRETTY. also the girl who plays kaia in supernatural is CUUUTE

how do you know you’re in love? has only happened to me once but for me...i already loved her platonically for months and then suddenly one day i was like oh. why am i getting the urge to kiss you rn. oh no.

a song you can listen to on repeat? anything by idkhow or bastille. never gets old.

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? not to copy peyton but i would love to know what goes on inside my cat’s head

what are you most excited for about this time in your life? next semester of college!! i got into a super-competitive dorm and i’m gonna have my own room and live with nine other people and gahh i’m just so excited to be chaotic with all my friends again and meet new people :’)

[goodlesson]

got tagged by the ever wonderful @fortiesbucky to answer 73 (!!!!) questions. since i’m a lil wine drunk and waiting for my pokemon game to download i figured why not, let’s do it!!! here goes nothing. my answers are under the cut!

this is a ridiculous undertaking but i’ll tag some ppl i guess. if you have some time to kill....go for it! @dansmlth @mabelmcbae @mirandabeach @the-best-of-what-we-had-youknow @stormerforweekes @unseenpolarstars

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? like a 4?? we’re in the middle of a global pandemic (Yikes) but my big job interview is finally over with and it went really well so i guess that’s kind of exciting!

describe yourself in a hashtag? #DoItForDua

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? i’m ace let’s bake a cake together instead (looking @ u dan bastille)

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? this is not a musical despite the copious amounts of terrible singing

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? i WILL cry when ur least expecting it 

what’s your wake up ritual? make coffee/breakfast, mess around on tumblr for a bit and catch up on messages from friends, then log on to start work at nine

what’s your go to bed ritual? i’ve been playing animal crossing for like an hour before bed every night. that’s about it

what’s your favorite time of day? morning after i’ve had my coffee and i have my one hour of motivation to do things sxkljsdf

your go to for having a good laugh? vines that cured my depression compilations on youtube

dream country to visit? oh this is a hard one!! would love to go to the UK someday

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? my 13th bday party when my mom got all of my friends together to surprise me 🥺

heels or flats/sneakers? converse baby

vintage or new? new. i’m not trendy or skinny enough to pull off vintage anything

who do you want to write your obituary? anyone except my mother

style icon? when dua lipa went through that phase of wearing sweatpants and bras onstage....yeah i vibe w/ that

what are three things you cannot live without? music, my hydroflask, and my electric blanket

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? GARLIC

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? listen...i really just wanna hang out with dan smith. also niall from 1d. and hm....maybe....ok this is a weird answer but marina keegan. she died at 22 after graduating from yale and her book literally changed my life

what’s your biggest fear in life? love & intimacy oop

window or aisle seat? window

what’s your current tv obsession? too hot to handle is the funniest thing i’ve ever seen

favorite app? rn i’m using discord a lot. also instagram

secret talent? i know every word to every cover the glee cast ever did

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? studying abroad in ecuador!

how would you define yourself in three words? positive, introverted, and....and.....maybe simple? (in the sense that i’m ok with just living a life without fancy things or huge ambitions)

favorite piece of clothing you own? my fuzzy north face fleece jacket!

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? buy yourself a good rain jacket pls just do it

a superpower you would want? being an empath would be cool

what’s inspiring you in life right now? my friends!!! i have so many ppl to talk to rn and staying connected with them is really keeping me going

best piece of advice you’ve received? everything works out in the end, don’t stress about what you can’t control

best advice you’d give your teenage self? just tell ppl you aren’t straight it really isn’t a big deal

a book everyone should read? out east by john glynn

what would you like to be remembered for? loving my friends and writing some stuff that maybe impacted a few ppl

how do you define beauty? kindness! openness!

what do you love most about your body? my smile i guess?

best way to take a rest/decompress? listening to music, wasting time on the internet

favorite place to view art? ....online?

if your life was a song, what would the title be? Avoiding Intimacy 

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? guitar

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? i’ve been thinking about this lately. probably on the inside of my arm somewhere?

dolphins or koalas? DOLPHINS (are fish! no they aren’t. yeah they are. just cuz they live in water doesn’t mean they’re fish!)

what’s your spirit animal? penguin

best gift you’ve ever received? my boss surprising me with those brownies yesterday was pretty cool

best gift you’ve given? i made my best friend in college this little jar full of our inside jokes written on little slips of paper. i thought it was pretty cute

what’s your favorite board game? rummikub, life, cards against humanity

what’s your favorite color? yellow

least favorite color? brown

diamond or pearls? diamonds

drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore

blow-dry or air-dry? blowdry (with a diffuser of course)

pilates or yoga? neither wtf do i look like a flexible person to u

coffee or tea? coffee

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? my roommates and i were playing that avocado smash game a few nights ago and now the word ‘avocado’ will never sound correct ever again

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? dark chocolate

stairs or elevators? elevators (i’m lazy)

summer or winter? summer!

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? BAGELS

a dessert you don’t like? anything with a jelly or creamy/custardy filling

a skill you’re working on mastering? playing the guitar

best thing to happen to you today? my interview went really well!!!

worst thing to happen to you today? i had like three crazy stress dreams about said interview so i was exhausted all day lol

best compliment you’ve ever received? ‘your smile just lights up a room’ 🤧

favorite smell? vanilla

hugs or kisses? I WUV HUGZ

if you made a documentary, would it be about? how the portrayal of sex in modern pop culture affects our views of love and romance and intimacy in negative and unrealistic ways!!!!

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? bitch every livestream dan bastille does makes me tear up

lipstick or lipgloss? the only correct answer is CHAPSTICK

sweet or savory? sweet

girl crush? dua lipa and it’s not a girl crush i full on fuckin LOVE HER

how do you know you’re in love? don’t ask me this

a song you can listen to on repeat? anything by bastille

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? would love to be a cat just chillin on the ground someday

what are you most excited for about this time in your life? normally i’d say all the concerts i have coming up lmao screw you corona

[chiseler]

Gail Patrick: Malice Aforethought

The ultimate in resting bitch face, Gail Patrick could do more with a slight malicious smile than most actors could with the nastiest lines of dialogue. She was always sizing people up on screen, looking at them as if she could spot every weakness in their character and every humiliation they had ever suffered. Patrick knew instantly where she could stick all her knives, but the funny thing about her is that she seemed too basically cool and sedentary to really do too much damage, like a cat who stretches out and just scratches a canary before going back to sleep in the sun.

A brainy Southern girl, Patrick was born Margaret LaVelle Fitzpatrick in Birmingham, Alabama, in 1911. She graduated from Howard College and did two years of law school at the University of Alabama, saying later that she thought about running for state governor. But in 1932, for what she termed “a lark,” Patrick entered a Paramount Pictures beauty and talent contest and got the fare to Hollywood. The winner of the contest would get to be the “Panther Woman” in the Universal picture Island of Lost Souls (1932), starring Charles Laughton, and surely Patrick would have put a scare into both Laughton and co-star Bela Lugosi, but she didn’t get that part, which went to Kathleen Burke. (“It kind of ruined a career for her because nobody would take her seriously after that,” Patrick offered.)

She was presented with a standard studio contract by Paramount, but the strong-minded Patrick wouldn’t sign until her salary was raised from $50 to $75 a week and part of the contract was taken out. “I also read the fine print and blacked out the clause saying I had to do cheesecake stills,” Patrick said. “In the back of my mind I had this idea I could never go home and practice law if such stills were floating around.” She was groomed and coached until she lost her Southern accent, and then Patrick was ready to steal any scene she was in.

She made her first impact in Mitchell Leisen’s Death Takes a Holiday (1934), where she was filmed in stylish gowns and wore blond hair. Patrick is a distinct screen presence because she cannot help that “bitch” quality of hers from rising to the surface, no matter how hard she smiles or how hard she tries to be appealing in Death Takes a Holiday (much like such sisters in 1930s movie bitchery as Verree Teasdale and Genevieve Tobin). There is always something strained in her attempts at good spirits, as if she were a wicked stepsister just waiting to make some vicious remark about everyone in the cast. “I really put my all into that one,” she said. “It gave me a big career boost.”

She was a rival to Joan Crawford in No More Ladies (1935), which showed that Patrick was ready to rattle the most intimidating figures, taking in Crawford as if she can see the former chorus girl in her from a mile away. She drunkenly confesses to a dalliance with Crawford’s husband Robert Montgomery in a manner that tries for rumpled girlish candor but inevitably reads, as always with Patrick, as sheer malice. “I was hired because I towered over Joan,” she said. “She didn’t get temperamental—she simply expected blind obedience from cast and crew.”

Patrick coolly observed the “nasty” fights on the set of Mississippi (1935) between Bing Crosby and W.C. Fields and did her time in programmers before coming to the part that really set her up, Cornelia Bullock, the big bad sister to Carole Lombard’s daffy socialite Irene in My Man Godfrey (1936). Cornelia is the rich bitch incarnate, flaunting her privilege and power like a spoiled child, but with a wide streak of womanly sadism to make many of her scenes deeply unpleasant. Yet Patrick said that she was so afraid of the camera and nervous that she never saw her own films until she showed a friend My Man Godfrey in 1979. “My fright emerged as haughtiness and I can see where I got my image as a snob, a meanie,” she said. “And it’s the movie that typed me and the one I’m still asked about.”

Gregory La Cava, the director of My Man Godfrey, told Patrick to “suck on lemons and beat up little children” to prepare for her role, and maybe she was just a skeptical, smart girl scared of being in the movies, but that’s finally a little hard to believe. You don’t play Cornelia Bullock in the scathing way Patrick does without at least knowing something about inherent meanness and it uses and effects. Then again, fear has often been known to make people behave badly, and shyness can be seen as unfriendliness. “She had to be bratty, mean, demanding, and no winks to show I wasn’t really like that,” Patrick said of Cornelia.

She followed up Cornelia with her finest bitch performance of all, Linda Shaw, erstwhile roommate to Ginger Rogers’s Jean Maitland in La Cava’s great Stage Door (1937), where she engages in wisecracking duels with Rogers so brutal that it comes as no surprise when Rogers’s Jean ends one of them with the line, “Well, so long, if you ever need a good pallbearer, remember I’m at your service.” Patrick enjoyed working with Rogers in Stage Door because she said they could try scenes different ways, whereas she sniped that with the “Great Kate” Hepburn every scene was done the same way. “She never took direction and always walked around with that haughty air,” Patrick said of Hepburn. “Ginge was everything Great Kate wasn’t. The crews loved her and hated Kate for the airs she put on.”

Patrick was only 26 when she made Stage Door, but she reads as a lot older and more experienced, and so it’s believable when Rogers, who was the same age as Patrick, seems to have youth and freshness on her side as she diffidently snags jaded Linda’s man, the theatrical producer Anthony Powell (Adolphe Menjou). Patrick goes as far with verbal bitchery as it is possible to go in Stage Door, and her snobbery is at its most cutting and armored, too, and yet there are a few moments here when we can see that Linda is just as subject to the vagaries of men and show business as the other girls at the theatrical boarding house she lives at. Linda has a freezing sort of dignity when she realizes that Jean is replacing her with Powell, for the time being, and she has the confidence and lack of illusions that can wait to get him back. This has nothing to do with lack of pride, for Linda has plenty of that where it counts, and then some. It has to do with understanding how the world works and how unfair it can be without ever feeling sorry for yourself.

There’s a brief scene in Stage Door where Patrick relaxes a little for once as Judy (Lucille Ball) talks about the moment when she first wanted to go into show business. Patrick smiles almost easily here, as if her guard is just slightly down briefly, and the effect is touching because there is no other moment on screen when she opens up just a little bit for us. In the end, Linda gets Powell back, and she probably has the guts to keep him until another new blond comes along, and when that game is all finished at least she’ll have the fur coats he bought her to keep her warm on the cold nights ahead. Whatever happens to her, Linda will be all right because she takes nothing seriously and never gets her emotions, if she has any left, involved. That’s one way of getting through life.

Patrick’s most notable role after that was as Cary Grant’s wife Bianca in My Favorite Wife (1940), where the frustration of “the other woman” does not really suit her brand of steely control backed up by a witchy talent for insults and vindictiveness. By the time of Claudia and David (1946), Patrick could see the writing on the wall. “One day, we were sitting around the set and dear, sweet Dorothy McGuire started chattering about her great pleasure in working with such veterans,” Patrick said. “Well, I was seven years her senior, and Mary Astor was only 40 at the time. Mary bristled, but I just kept on with my knitting.”

Patrick, who married four times, had a successful second career as a television producer, where as Gail Patrick Jackson (the last name of her third husband), she put her law background to use as executive producer on the Perry Mason series, which starred Raymond Burr and lasted from 1957-1966. She let her hair go white and was still a handsome and stylish figure around town in this period. Patrick died in 1980 at age 69 in her home in Hollywood, in the arms of her fourth husband. Whenever she turns up in a movie, I think of that old saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me.”

by Dan Callahan

[saiangelo999]

2020 T.V Show Tracker

T.V. Shows

The Witcher 

Started 2019 finished 2020. Click here for my thoughts.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Completed - I really enjoyed the episode with Pimento, that episode was just hilarious. I think that was one of my favourite episodes this season.

Self Made

It was very a enjoyable mini-series. Sarah's story is so fascinating and inspirational precisely because of how many hardships she had to deal with throughout her life. I enjoyed the show and learning more about Madam CJ Walker.

Interior Design Masters

This was a really fun show. I didn’t agree with everything that the judges said, but I definitely had fun watching the contestants renovate commercial and residential places. My favourite episode was when they worked on the stores (not restaurants). I really loved those transformations.

The Big Flower Fight

It was such a fun show! I really enjoyed watching how the contestants used plants to create beautiful and interesting topiaries/sculptures. I loved most of the contestants and was always looking forward to their take on each challenge!

Space Force

It was a fun show! Enjoyed watching it with my sister.  :)

Hannibal

Re-visiting this show from the one or two episodes I watched back when I was in grade 12 and one of my teachers was promoting this show because her friend was an extra in it. But, I really am intrigued by the concept, the way the show is filmed is just so gorgeous for such a gory show and the plot is very fascinating. Anytime Hannibal feeds anyone I get a bit antsy. But Will Graham is just such an interesting character. I have high expectations of the show!

Update: Finished s1 and LOVED it! As I was binging s2 I started to get nightmares and also the plot started to move forward at a snail’s pace (imo) so I will put this show on hold for now.

The Umbrella Academy s2

So I really enjoyed this season of Umbrella Academy because I got to see more of Five kicking ass as a teenager, the character growth of BOTH Diego and Luther, seeing the entire family getting closer to Vanya and the general action sequences of the show. I enjoyed the new characters as well - Lila and The Swedes. I admit my memory of season 1 of this show is somewhat vague, but I found that the ending of the season (its climax to be precise in episode 10) to be somewhat lackluster considering the build-up. 

I really enjoyed was seeing Klaus, Allison and Vanya deal with their respective subplots and that scene in the barbershop with the three of them bonding really was a highlight of the season. Also when (spoiler alert) Ben finally ‘died’ and went to the afterlife that scene was so well executed and emotional and has got to be one of my favorite moments of the season. It was nice to see him helping Vanya out.

The Haunting of Bly Manor

I loved this show! I grew to love these characters so much! I loved Hannah and Owen’s relationship so much.

The Haunting of Hill House

So, I read the book first and wanted to see what the hype was all about. I really enjoyed the little easter eggs to the book in the show, and that ONE SCENE with the ‘Bent-Neck lady’ gave me a nightmare... It was good, definitely an interesting take on the story.

Anime

The Disastrous Life of Saiki: Reawakened

I love how the show constantly shows us that Saiki will tolerate anyone for the sweet sweet coffee jelly. I need more of this show!! Please give me more episodes @Netflix.

Haikyuu!

I love it. I understand the hype now. I really enjoy how they show the lives of all the people in the show, the ‘extras’ on the team, the opponents and give us a glimpse into their lives and their stories. I finished season two and am looking forward to more! It’s honestly so hard to be rooting for just one person in this show and I love that.  Finished 2 seasons so far. Will get back into it eventually. I’m honestly jealous that I can’t play volleyball rn.

Mob Psycho 100

This will probably take me a while to finish as I am planning to read it before watching it. It’s so so lovable. I love Mob and I would do anything to protect him. Also I really like Regen’s protectiveness and genuineness towards Shigeo. It’s just a great manga/anime. Finished season one. It is so addicting! I love Mob and Reigen so much! <3

Update: finished season two. Man watching this show makes my heart grow 5 x as big every time I watch it! It’s just so endearing, fun, comedic. I love how season two really just show’s Shigeo’s growth throughout the season. His speech to Shirazawa at the last episode and how it came full circle - loved it! I also was surprised by the red headed son (Ryu?) in the best way. I hope we see more of him in the next season. Can’t wait for more!

Fruits Basket season 2

Can’t wait for more crying. 🙃 I am really looking forward to seeing Yuki’s character development and his relationship with Machi and Kakeru developing. Also looking forward to seeing Momiji growing and more moments between Kyo and Tohru.

Update: Love seeing Yuki’s arc in the anime format. Seeing him reach out to his brother, Hatsuharu and the student council peeps and grow is so rewarding to watch. Looking forward to more and more Kyorhu. One wish is that, I wish with this season we could see Momiiji change physically a bit more but I’m holding onto hope for that near the end of the season. 

March Comes in like a Lion/ 3-gatsu no Lion

It’s not my usual type of anime to watch as it is so slice-of-life, but in a weird way it really reminds me of My Roommate is a Cat except after I watch it I want to play chess or learn shogi. Of course, Rei has depression and a lot of issues he needs to work with, but the sisters are just so sweet and the moments that they show up to take care of him are so heartwarming. I love his self-proclaimed ‘best’ friend and rival - Nikaidou. I just really love how he’s drawn, his personality and when he shows up in the show it definitely perks me up. I really enjoy seeing him develop as a character and as a person. I am somewhat sympathetic to the plight of his foster sister but where I am in the show (finished s1) I absolutely loathe her. I really like seeing  how many people are around Rei and watching him tackle life and grow. Looking forward to watching s2!

The animation is very interesting. One thing that I am not sure if it is deliberate or not is how the characters’ facial expressions (mostly the way the mouth is in close-ups) are drawn to me seems very ambiguous to me - I can’t quite understand what emotion is being conveyed.

Update: Started s2 and man the bullying storyline with Hina is so sad.

Teasing Master Takagi-san

DNF. Just started it randomly. It’s very cute.

The Great Pretender

I started it cuz it was short and seemed like fun. It has darker undertones than I expected going into it. On the Singapore storyline.

Wotaku

This was very short and binge-able. I liked it, it’s fun for what it is.

Dramas

Never Twice

So idk if I’ll actually keep up with this as it is a guilty pleasure atm. I just started it because I liked some of the tropes that the show had (found family, sweet male lead, baby being doted on etc.). I am enjoying the gifs of the show. The plot is very... boring and I do recognize that for the most part the female characters don’t have much intrinsic motivation or identity outside male characters... 

05.2020 Update: DNF. 

Crash Landing on You

I am really enjoying it so far. I really like that both the female leads are just very powerful and interesting on their own. Really like how the found family trope is being used. The romance is cute (a bit much at times imo). I still can’t get over how Captain Ri heard her suicide tape and just went ‘oh we are fated to be together’. That was... an interesting interpretation of the tape...

Also the whole thing with her being in N. Korea is hilarious and really the drama asks the viewer to really suspend disbelief to enjoy the show but  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Update: Completed. Enjoyed it overall. Wasn’t the best drama I’ve ever seen but REALLY loved the female leads in the show. Seo Dan and her family are just SO adorable. Can’t believe Gu Suengjoon was killed just as his relationship with Dan became so cute. One qualm is that this show does the whole near death thing WAY too many times with the main couple for my taste. 

365: Repeat the Year

Interesting premise and it has Nam Jihyun who I love. Looking forward to more and hoping it will keep my attention. I can’t believe that by episode 10 that the serial killer was revealed. I mean, I’m still invested in the show but that definitely caught me off-guard.

Finished it! I am really glad that they reduced the total amount of episodes because I felt that the ending was well done - not too rushed, not too out there (for the show). It was a very good ending for the show! I recommend it to anyone interested in a sci-fi/thriller. Overall, it was a fun time! Very engaging and would appeal to anyone interested in thrillers. I do have ONE gripe about the show which is a spoiler but it did not prevent me from enjoying the show. 

Love with Flaws/ People with Flaws

Finished! I started it cuz of a random compilation I saw on Youtube with the show and the gifs of it here and there and it’s decent overall. I would say that out of the many kdramas I’ve seen in this genre, it does stand slightly apart from the rest because of how each character is portrayed. I feel like there were no overt archetypes for the characters and I especially liked how they portrayed characters relationships. I liked how the siblings’ relationships were portrayed, and I really ended up loving the female lead’s eldest brother. He’s just so sweet and kind and I love how he does his best to take care of their entire family. It was definitely sad to see at points knowing that Cha In Ha committed suicide, but his character in the show was just so well done and important! Also his boyfriend is literally so pure I love him. As usual Seulgi just makes me go  😍😍.   

Nobody Knows 2020

It’s really good - very dark and bizarre. The shady foundation’s motivations are a mystery to me, but that hotel owner is a very interesting character. I will get back to it when I can handle more pain.

Update few months later: The twists and the turns though. Wow. I love all the children and how (so far) they are all portrayed as victims of circumstance. They are so sweet and I appreciate how Eun Ho, Dong Ryong and Min Sung’s relationships progress throughout the show. I’m also enjoying the character development of Sun Woo (the teacher/heir to the foundation). It’s also nice to see Cha Young-Jin begin to slowly open up. I’m enjoying the show a lot so far and am very intrigued by Baek Sang Ho’s group.

Final update: FINISHED it! Really loved this drama a lot. I love how all the characters are written so lovingly with so much depth to them. I liked the way the plot unraveled, I liked how all the relationships developed in the story, I loved the way forgiveness and morality were discussed. It was a really good drama and I am missing it already!

Chicago Typewriter

A re-watch. Man I love this drama. The three leads and their relationship is just adorable. 

I hope that in Shin Yul’s world/afterlife or whatever they can be happy together. <3 

Oh My Baby

I started this out because I was extremely bored and saw a few gifs of the show. It seems promising. Don’t have super high expectations of the show tbh. I do like the main couple though! They are adorable, nervously awaiting how it will conclude.

Update: Skipped a couple of episodes (4?) and went to the end. It ended up alright, very open ending and somewhat realistic. I’m glad the main characters were able to put their relationship above their disappointment in being infertile.

Strangers from Hell/ Hell is Other People

I really enjoyed it!! - If I were to recommend it to anyone I would recommend they go into it as blind as possible to enjoy it to the fullest.

So... I had no clue that this show was ONLY 10 episodes long, so imagine my surprise as the events that have been put to play begin to climax, I checked and was surprised that it wasn’t a 16 episode drama. Anyways, this drama had superb writing, directing, acting and fight scene choreography. Everything came together to really make this show have such a dark, creepy atmosphere that intensified as the episodes went on. I loved how the show portrayed how Yoon Joon Yoo/O’s mentality was tested to the breaking point. Tbh I thought he was slow in the beginning of the show (episode 1-2), but turned out that he did far better than his counterparts. I think that one thing that was a shame was they didn’t really show the strength of his relationship w his girlfriend too much before, and had they had more screen time as a couple I would have been even more invested in the story. 

Mystic Pop-up Bar

Loved it! This was a really enjoyable show. The pacing was good, the story was interesting and I liked watching the characters relationships develop. It was heartwarming and a fun watch! I enjoyed the focus on various people’s stories showcasing all sorts of relationships. 

It’s Okay Not to be Okay/ Psycho But It’s Okay

Put it on hold for now - watched up until episode 10-12ish.

Flower of Evil

The best kdrama of 2020 so far? Possibly.  Love how it mixes being a thriller with the marital relationship aspect. One potential con is that it seems that the mystery aspect of the show for now seems fairly obvious but how the situations will be handled keeps me on the edge of my seat!! Also I totally did not expect such a strong marriage to be shown in a thriller drama! Also the way that Cha Ji Won is written is just chef’s kiss. I love how complex she is, how intelligent, kind, caring and so so good at putting things together. I love Hyun So’s family and I hope it ends with them staying together.

Update: Finished it! Not sure how I feel about the very last episode... but I can say I’m glad that Do Hae Su got some crumbs in terms of character development by the end. So glad she didn’t end up with Moo Jin and started a new life abroad. The amnesia plot was unnecessary imo, I would have rather seen more cute scenes of them together than angst in the last episode. But, it was interesting to see how the trial was revealed, and the Baek’s got way better than they deserved which is unfortunately realistic.

Lie after Lie

Plot sounded way more interesting in the synopsis vs the execution. Mediocre plot which I thought was easy to see through.

Eighteen Again

sort of dnf? I made it to epi 14 or so and just finished it in my head and through gifs. It had so much potential which I think it squandered... but there were some genuinely heart warming scenes from the show which I really enjoyed. (Siwoo and his dad bonding, all the scenes showing the mc as the nicest dude).

I don’t want to be friends with you

I really enjoyed the show. I liked how it portrayed the mother-daughter relationship, the differences in how they were raised and how Li Jing Bu was able to get the love she so craved through her dream?/journey. I liked how the romance was handled, how she gained such meaningful relationships during the show and how important it was to her that her mom was happy.

The Good Detective (2020)

I really enjoyed this show! It was really cool to see a show that critiques the corrupt systems they have in place and the unexpected consequences that it can have on people. I liked how it touched on themes of guilt, remorse, forgiveness and resilience. Also, it was interesting to see a guy who has all the money in the world choose to be a workaholic detective.

Part 2

[michelles-garden-of-evil]

Episode 7 Review: Flying South Like the Birdies

{ YouTube: 1 | 2 | 3 }

{ Synopses: Debby Graham | Bryan Gruszka }

{ Screencaps }

We open with a conversation between Alison and Raxl about the death of Dr. Menkin. Mostly, this is repeating what we already know for the benefit of the original viewers who missed the previous two episodes, but not entirely. I just realized that Alison didn’t learn of Dr. Menkin’s death in either Episode 5 or 6. (I had to re-watch part of Episode 5 and skim over Debby Graham’s synopsis of Episode 6 to confirm this.) So this is also an important scene for her, one that augments the fear she has begun to feel on the island, even if, unlike Raxl, she does not yet believe in the supernatural forces that make Maljardin, as the immortal housekeeper says just before the opening, “the Garden of Evil.”

We also get an unintentionally funny moment where Raxl shouts “THAT DEVIL!” and the camera quickly zooms in to the portrait of Jacques Eloi des Mondes with some thunder and lightning for emphasis. Then Alison freaks out as she realizes that Jacques put the dream from last episode inside her head. It’s not clear if she is more frightened by the possibility that Jacques will kill her or by the fact that she is sexually attracted to a dead man who looks exactly like her brother-in-law.

Alison: “The dream was so real! This island...it IS evil! I have to get away, back to reason. Away from HIM!"

*flashing lightning and wailing theremin*

Colin Fox, by the way, isn’t in this episode, so, just like the previous Foxless episode, the focus is primarily on the subplots. In the next scene, we cut away to the French Leave Café, where Boring Artist Tim is hanging out with Vangie Abbott (Angela Roland). Now, even though Vangie first appeared on the show in the second episode, I wanted to wait a while to introduce her, mostly because I didn’t know what I was getting into when I started writing these massive blog entries and got overwhelmed early on by all the things I wanted to cover. But now that things are slowing down and she’s starting to become relevant to the plot, I will write a little about her.

Vangie, who owns the café, is a psychic who uses tarot cards to divine the future. She usually provides a lot of detail as to what individual cards mean, connecting them to specific characters and not always using the more well-known trump cards/Major Arcana to represent them. This indicates that Ian Martin probably did a significant amount of research on tarot cards and their meanings before writing about them. (Contrast with Dark Shadows, which mainly featured the same few cards--especially the Tower of Destruction--over and over and usually interpreted them literally.[1] I admittedly haven’t done much research on the tarot (although I intend to in the near future for this blog), so I’ve learned quite a bit about different cards’ meanings from Vangie’s dialogue. There’s a lot more that I could say about her character, but this is about all I can say for now without spoiling anything.

Well, I could also mention her quirky fashion sense and distinctive sing-song alto voice. (That’s Boring Artist Tim on the right, by the way.)

A screenshot of Vangie’s outfit from Episode 2.

Hundreds of miles away, we find the Reverend Matt Dawson at Westley House seeking word of the whereabouts of 20-year-old teenager Holly. He visits her roommate Dinah Heath[2] (Trudy Young), a young hippie who only appears in this episode, but who is the best thing about it. Truth be told, I wanted to write this entire post about just Dinah, but changed my mind when I re-watched the episode and remembered that Vangie was in it, too. Dinah is really fun and probably my favorite of the One-Episode Wonders: characters who only appear in one episode, but who are memorable for the right reasons. Dr. Patton from Episode 4 is another favorite one-episode character of mine, as is Claude from an episode months in the future (although my opinion is largely based on how I imagine him, because so far I have only read that episode’s synopsis and watched the accompanying slideshow).[3] And she totally takes the piss out of Matt when he comes to question her.

At the start of the scene, Dinah is jamming out in her room to some music while smoking. It looks like a cigarette, but it’s probably meant to be a joint, because she acts stoned during the entire scene.

Matt knocks on the door and she jumps off her bunk and immediately starts fanning the air to try to get rid of the pot smell. I love the ironic “please keep off grass” sign.

Matt doesn’t even need to mention Holly for her to know that he plans to ask about her. Dinah just outright says “she isn’t here” while smirking and posing with her hand on her hip.

Cue an exchange full of awkwardly-delivered 1960s slang as Dinah clarifies that he wants to know “why’d she split” and he accuses her of “trying to put [him] on.” I’m not sure how current the slang would have been when the episodes were written, but, considering that the writer was in his fifties at the time, probably not very.

She goes over to her desk to brush her hair while Matt continues questioning her. She denies knowing where Holly is, so he says patronizingly, “I admire your sense of loyalty, but there are times when it could hurt Holly rather than help her.” I might believe him if I didn’t already know that he had the hots for Holly.

More awkward slang. Dinah is still pretending to ignore him.

Matt’s horrified reaction when she says what we know from Episode 3. “Uh-oh,” he’s probably thinking, “she’s onto me.”

Definitely onto him!

Matt so wants the pretty young chicks at Westley House to see him as a groovy, happenin’ padre with all the hip slang he uses.

When he finally gets her to “level” with him, she tells him, “All I know is that she’s flying south like the birdies. Way down south. Has to be. Air alone costs $163.75 [$1,148.24 in 2019 USD, or $1,124.03 in 2019 Canadian dollars].” He asks how she got that money, and Dinah responds, “Saved some. We all chipped in with the rest.” So they all think that he’s a creep, enough to fund her escape from him.

She grabs this huge teddy bear and starts drumming on it. She’s not even trying to conceal that she’s stoned.

She means "vampire” figuratively, but I imagine this line was added to try to hook any DS fans tuning in. It would have admittedly been so awesome if Mrs. Marshall had turned out to be a literal vampire.

Stalker!

We next see Holly at the French Leave Café, trying to order a drink but getting turned away from the bar because she’s underage. How can they even tell? No one cards her before turning her away and Sylvia Feigel looks 27 at the youngest. Hell, I’m 26 years old, look younger than Holly does, and no one ever cards me when I buy alcohol. I could see them turning someone like Dinah away without carding her because she definitely looks under 21, but Holly? Really?

Holly does not look 20.

She has a meet-cute with Tim, followed by a free tarot reading courtesy of Vangie. Without her saying anything about her life, the psychic reveals that she knows Holly’s future:

Foreshadowing!

She also knows that a man has begun stalking her, but not his identity. “What are you running from Holly, and who is the man running after you?” she asks before the scene cuts to Matt telling Elizabeth Marshall that her daughter ran away. Soon after, the conversation shifts to his attraction to Holly. While stalkers are always creepy regardless of their age and the age of the stalkee, the way they talk about Holly makes it sound like the Reverend is interested in a teenager:

Because Reverend Dawson isn’t already gross enough with his stalking, smarmy demeanor, romantic interest in a just barely former ward, and offbrand Reverend Trask accent.

Elizabeth threatens to “fix” both him and Holly and leaves to track Holly down on her own. Then we get a short, unnecessary filler scene of Raxl and Alison before the credits.

In the next episode, THE DEVIL JACQUES ELOI DES MONDES returns and Dan meets up with Vangie to do some more research regarding Jacques’ identity. Stay tuned!

Notes

[1] I’m not disparaging Dark Shadows here. I love both shows; I just wanted to point out that the Dark Shadows writers probably did less research on the tarot. Either that, or they just loved the Tower of Destruction. In any case, they used the Tower of Destruction so excessively that sometimes even thinking of that card is enough to send me into giggling fits. (If you haven’t figured it out yet, I have an odd sense of humor.)

[2] Ian Martin seems to have been fond of the name Dinah for girls and young women. Eight years later in 1977, he used the name again for the 12-year-old protagonist of the CBS Radio Mystery Theater episode “The Child’s Cat Paw,” played by a young Sarah Jessica Parker. It isn’t his best CBSRMT episode, but I still recommend it.

[3] Coincidentally, the episode with Claude also features the introduction of Susan, another Trudy Young character who plays a major role in the show’s final arc. I haven’t seen any full episodes after 130 yet because they’re not on YouTube, but I’ve read all the synopses. Someday I will watch the second Desmond Hall arc, and I can only hope that the Claude scene on the show is as romantic as it is in my head cinema. (It probably isn’t, given that David Wells' other character Cort is hilariously badly acted (if very, very cute), but perhaps Wells’ acting was better when he played Claude.)

ETA 6/22/2020: I just watched Episode 133 this evening (got the DVDs now) and I loved the scene with Claude. I’m not kidding. Surprisingly, David Wells’ acting as both Claude and Cort is decent in the episode--and, after re-watching the first Desmond Hall arc, I can say that his acting improves over time and is even occasionally good. I’ll write much more about Cort later on (this isn’t the right entry for it), but I will say that not all Cort episodes are created equal.

  { <-- Previous: Episode 6, Part II   ||   Next: Episode 8 --> }

[avatarconner]

I remember back when it was announced that spencer would take over writing spider man and I remember people being sad due to spencer's "hail hydra" moment with cap.Why do you think spencer is doing great things with spidey while people didn't like his cap run?

Oh boy, bit of a rant incoming.

I didn’t read his cap run so I can’t speak about this, but his run on Spider-Man is the best writer Spider-Man has had in over a decade! For the past ten years we had Dan Slott on the book, and while I liked some of what he did, Big Time and Spider Island, most of it wasn’t as great. It was like he had good ideas but just went with them without really thinking through.

And he did not write peter correctly, like at all.

Prime examples can be found throughout the series but one that Spencer pointed out in his first issue is how after the events of superior Spider-Man, Peter has a doctorate in his name from when Otto had control of his body. Now the responsible thing to do would not take credit for someone else’s work regardless of it being Otto. But Peter doesn’t, he just looks at it and goes ‘Huh. So I’m a Doctor now.’

Not only does it fly in the face of Peter’s code, but it’s just plain wrong. Spencer even compares it to letting the robber who killed uncle Ben go on account of him knowing it wasn’t the right thing to do but he did it anyway.

Slott changes Spider-Man to tell stories he wants to tell while Spencer tells stories that fit Spider-Man. And we had that for ten years, on occasion there would be an interesting story but a few good apples does not fix a spoiled bunch.

Like even taking him getting Peter and Mary Jane back together off the table entirely, his idea of pairing Peter up not only with his old roommate Randy Robertson, but the villain Boomerang? That not only gives us classical stakes within a spider-man story of a bad guy finding out who he is but as well it puts him in a situation that people cane relate to in having a roommate they dislike. 

Then there’s the characterization of Black Cat to being a well rounded person whereas slott just made her into a villain because reasons, the Lizzard’s storyline of trying to atone for all the wrongs he’s done and building a better future. And Hunted....god hunted was the best event I’ve read in years. 

This is all subjective of course, it’s my opinion but I feel strongly about it. I really recommend giving his run a read, I’ve literally bought every issue that’s come out since he took over the book.

[placingglaciers]

Stray Happiness

Title: Stray Happiness

Genre: AU, Platonic, Fluff

Word Count: 1, 376

Warnings: None!

Description: In which Dan has been taking care of a stray black cat in secret for three weeks now and Phil, his roommate, hates cats and the very idea of having a pet and finds out.

Author’s Note: I’ve been dormant lately (as you could probably tell), so I thought what a better way to come back than to write a fic based off of a simple one-act play I had to write in my creative writing class last semester! (Please remember that this is fiction.)

Perhaps it was the way that the morning sun painted the immense sky with warmth, or how the toaster browned his bread just right this time, or even how the irksome repetitive barking from the dog next door seemed to have…stopped. The spring birds chirped in the trees above; their absence went on for far too long, but their presence becoming a sign of something new, something welcomed, something finally beginning. The air was comfortably warm; a thin blanket you wouldn’t mind being wrapped up in after climbing out of bed from a restful slumber. The smell of rain was in the air, but that wouldn’t be for until the afternoon when everything was hazy and minutes disguised themselves as hours. But for now, the orange juice was cold, the toast was buttered, and the morning silence was just loud enough to complete this little world. This was a Monday morning. A pity that no one would take the time to appreciate.

               For nearly half an hour, this little stoned back patio would be Daniel’s. Philip didn’t have his photography class until ten, so he was still in bed. The old green and white webbed aluminum chair supported Daniel as he sat, patiently waiting. He was wearing a floral orange kimono over his pajamas—a color he suddenly found intriguing and exciting. Soon all that was remaining of the toast was crumbs and the orange juice still had a bit to go. He thought pouring it in a wine glass would make him seem fancy. Why not? Was there a rule against it? He took a deep breath and sighed, appreciating the blue, cloudless sky above him. In this little window of time, he could do anything he wanted without being bothered or questioned. Every morning he tried to use it to his advantage.

               Daniel set his orange juice down on the round glass outdoor table and stood up. He walked over to the wooden bench on the side of the patio and lifted its seat to the storage compartment. He took out a small paper bag of dry cat food and a slightly discolored Tupperware bowl. He set the bowl down and poured the food, hoping the sound would summon the cat. Once everything was put away, he sat back in his chair again and waited.

               Only a few minutes passed and rustling from the tall bushes in the corner of the small yard could be heard. Daniel had to laugh to himself for how disproportionate the loud sounds were to the size of the small cat. Soon, a furry black figure emerged from the shadows and meowed all his way toward the food bowl. The cat only ate a few bites before visiting Daniel, rubbing its body along his pajama pant legs. Daniel reached down and petted the cat, of which he enthusiastically responded. Daniel smiled widely and said a few sentences filled with love and curiosity. After a few seconds, the cat returned to the food and Daniel was once again filled with some sort of happiness.

               “Alright, I’m leaving!” Philip’s voice could be heard from inside. “I’m going to be late.”

               Daniel’s eyes widened and his body froze in the chair. His eyes darted toward the oblivious cat who was finishing the remainder of the food. Quickly, Daniel got up from the chair and walked toward the screen door.

               “I was wondering, what do you—” Philip walked out onto the patio but stopped speaking once he saw Daniel’s ashamed demeanor.

               “I-I thought class didn’t start until ten,” Daniel stammered and carefully wrapped his kimono around himself and retied it again.

               “I’m meeting with a few friends first to study,” Philip said slowly, trying to see what Daniel was hiding.

               Daniel let out a laugh, “it’s photography, what do you need to study for?” His words slowed once he noticed Philip caught him red-handed.

               “What is that?” Philip asked him sternly.

               Daniel backed away slowly and protectively toward the cat and swallowed, trying to be calm. “Shelby is a who, not a what.”

                “Shel—it has a name?!”

               “Shelby is a he, not an it,” he responded just as calmly as before. This was it now. This was where it all ended. How did things become so messy all of a sudden? If only Philip minded his own business every now and then, things would still be orderly and predictable.

               “When were you going to tell me this?” Philip had his hands on his hips. Undoubtedly his study date was no longer a priority. “How long has this been going on?”

               Daniel picked up the black cat and held him in his arms. Shelby purred in response. Daniel kept his eyes on the cat. “I was going to tell you…eventually,” he confessed sincerely, “but you’re never really here and you don’t really care about anything I do, so I thought it wouldn’t matter anyway.” He finally looked at Philip in desperation, eyes wide and his breathing fast. “Look, Shelby needs me. He was barely alive when he first got here!”

               “And when was that?”

               Blood rushed to his cheeks, “three weeks ago.”

               Philip’s eyebrows rose and he took a step back. “You need to start telling me these things! Because before we start having a pet—”

               “Shelby is a friend, not a pet.”

               “Well, whatever he is, he can’t stay here. Cats are mean and selfish and expensive and they pee indoors, and they tear up the furniture, and, and this one especially is bad luck!” Philip ran his fingers through his dark hair and sighed, “Besides, I’m allergic.”

               Daniel tightened his lips and rolled his eyes. Hot anger boiled up inside him. Why wasn’t Philip on his side? Weren’t they best friends? Couldn’t he tell how much everything has changed in the past three weeks? Life didn’t hurt so much anymore. “It’s a good thing you don’t take care of him then! Shelby hasn’t done one thing to you! You haven’t even noticed him until now.” He decided to put down the cat and brush off the black hair on his kimono. “Don’t you…don’t you have class or something?”

               Philip quieted down once he saw how distressed his best friend was. “I’m sorry. I’m just really surprised. I wouldn’t exactly consider you as a caregiver-type.”

               Daniel shrugged and kept his eyes on the fluttering birds in the trees. A few butterflies were about, enjoying the flowers in the warm sun. He squint his eyes up at the bright sky. “Maybe I found a purpose. Is that such a bad thing?”

               Philip remained quiet and stood closer to Daniel. He wasn’t as angry as he was before, just…bothered. He noticed the cat giving himself a bath in the grass and he quickly averted his eyes to their neighbor’s tacky outdoor décor. “Is that true?”

               Daniel glanced over at Philip and then back at Shelby. He was enjoying this abrupt honesty. This usually didn’t happen unless it’s late at night or when either one of them were drunk. It felt nice and real. “I-I don’t know. I just know that waking up is easier now.”

               “What if…what if he starts bringing all his friends?” Confliction was coated in Philip’s words. Daniel could tell he was really fighting the idea, but he had a feeling he was going to win. “We’re not becoming a bed-and-breakfast for cats, Dan.”

               “Well, that’s the problem,” Daniel said sincerely. “I don’t think he has any friends.”

               Suddenly, Shelby came running back to them, this time rubbing against Philip’s legs. Philip hesitated and then slowly lowered his hand down toward the cat. Shelby sniffed it and rubbed his face against it. A smile creeped along Philip’s face, but he tried to conceal it from Daniel. His allergies were beginning to act up, but he ignored them for the time being. “You’re happier now?”

               “I don’t know what I feel,” Daniel shrugged. “I just know it’s different. A good different.”

               “Well…” he sighed and glanced over at the pathetic cat bowl. “I think we need to get him something different to eat out of. That Tupperware belongs to my mother and she would not appreciate that.” He then smiled genuinely at Daniel who could only smile back in return.

[blackjack-15]

The Puzzle is Just the Italian Language — Thoughts on: The Phantom of Venice (VEN)

Previous Metas: SCK/SCK2, STFD, MHM, TRT, FIN, SSH, DOG, CAR, DDI, SHA, CUR, CLK, TRN, DAN, CRE, ICE, CRY

Hello and welcome to a Nancy Drew meta series! 30 metas, 30 Nancy Drew Games that I’m comfortable with doing meta about. Hot takes, cold takes, and just Takes will abound, but one thing’s for sure: they’ll all be longer than I mean them to be.

Each meta will have different distinct sections: an Introduction, an exploration of the Title, an explanation of the Mystery, a run-through of the Suspects. Then, I’ll tackle some of my favorite and least favorite things about the game, and finish it off with ideas on how to improve it. Like with all of the Odd Games, there will be a section between The Intro and The Title called The Weird Stuff, where I go into what makes this game stand out as a little strange.

If any game requires an extra section or two, they’ll be listed in the paragraph above, along with links to previous metas.

These metas are not spoiler free, though I’ll list any games/media that they might spoil here: VEN, RAN.

The Intro:

From the French-inspired streets of New Orleans, Nancy jumps on a plane to Venice and is caught up in international espionage, theft, a mafia ring, and a cast of hostile suspects living in the same house as her.

Sounds a bit like my first semester of college, honestly. Minus the whole “Venice” and “international espionage” parts.

Coming directly after CRY, VEN isn’t quite as thick with atmosphere, doesn’t have any of its philosophy or thematic elements, and is really only famous for being set in Italy and for the fact that they hired four voice actors for our main cast sans regular characters (Colin, voiced by our good ol’ boy Jonah Von Spreecken, counts as a returning VA), but hired 6 distinct VAs for the singing gondoliers, most of whom the average player will never hear.

Yeah, VEN is kind of that type of game.

There’s a lot that makes VEN the trippy experience that it is – more on that immediately below – but nearly none of that makes VEN as confused as it is. Nancy’s hired by a foreign government – sort of – but there’s also a love line – sort of – a roommate story – sort of – and some touristy stuff like overpaying for flowers and gelato.

Taking place overseas, VEN might have been mistaken for a Jetsetting game if it weren’t for the fact that every bit of the game is permeated with the sense that nothing was quite thought out, nothing quite flows together, and there’s no emotional response in anyone – including the player.

That’s not to say that there’s nothing enjoyable about VEN; it’s one of the most highly memed games, in fact, with a catsuit, horrific fashion choices, and little laser roombas all making up the most memorable meme material (and that’s not even touching discount Justin Timberlake and his slides of seduction). It has strongly-painted characters (even if there’s a touch of the caricature about them), the return of recurring characters, the first appearance of a semi-recurring character, poisoned chocolates…it’s almost like someone tried to do STFD, but with a sprinkling of spies and Italy thrown in for good measure.

VEN can be a lot of fun, but it’s also a grind a lot of the time; the required puzzles can be ridiculous, for example, and, in a twist for Nancy Drew games, there’s a puzzle for everyone to hate, no matter if you dislike stealth games, card games, speed-reaction games, or even language puzzles.

Which brings us to the biggest problem with The Phantom of Venice: the common puzzle thread, the thing that keeps recurring, the ‘mission statement puzzle’…it’s just the Italian language. The game hinges on the idea that the player won’t know any Italian (or any Romance language, honestly), and that’s where the majority of the difficulty in the game (barring bad hand-eye coordination) comes from. It’s not a good thing at all, and it brings the entire game down with it.

Well, it has a little help. Let’s talk about the Roomba in the museum, shall we?

The Weird Stuff:

There’s a lot of things that are weird about VEN, no getting around it. But there’s one solid thing that makes it…well, Odd in the way that the other Odd games are qualified, and that’s this one simple fact:

This is a Hardy Boys mystery, with Nancy clumsily inserted in instead of Frank and Joe.

Think about it; called in by a foreign government, espionage, nearly drowning, contacts in the government and police force, an Italian crime ring…these are all things straight out of a Hardy Boys novel, not a Nancy Drew novel. There is a Nancy Drew book titled The Phantom of Venice, true enough, but this game doesn’t bear any resemblance to it besides, well, Venice itself. You could swap out Nancy with the boys and the whole game could go on, minus the whole ‘keepsake necklace from Ned’ thing, and depending on what you ship, even that might fly under the radar.

And no, I didn’t forget the dancing in a catsuit thing. Pure comedy right there.

Nancy’s a homegrown detective; most of her cases are ‘small thing spirals into bigger thing’. It’s not that she doesn’t deal in espionage, at times in foreign places, or stumble upon a crime ring. It’s just that that’s not the type of thing Nancy’s called in for, it’s the type of thing she trips over halfway into a lower-stakes mystery.

The Hardy Boys, however, because of their father’s contacts (in the novels) and their position in ATAC (in the games) are exactly the kind of people that work with police chiefs and security experts and foreign spies and the like. It’s very nearly their bread and butter. Which is why I have a wild but not out-of-the-way wacky sorta-serious theory. Bear with me:

This game was designed as a Hardy Boys game, and Nancy really was clumsily inserted in with a few weeks to spare.

At this point in history – the far-behind time of July 2008, as the Great Recession was descending, the fury of an election year was coming to a head, and you couldn’t go to a supermarket or clothes store in America without hearing OneRepublic tell you that it was just a little too late to apologize – HER wasn’t doing badly, per se, but they certainly weren’t doing as well as they could have been. They weren’t that far from having had to majorly upgrade their engine for a rapidly changing technological world, and there seemed to be no end in sight. HER had plenty of staff change-ups coming because of new sponsors, but weren’t making enough simply with what they had.

Put simply, they needed a carrot. And what better carrot than the fan-favorite Hardy Boys?

There are two Hardy Boys games put out around this time: The Perfect Crime and The Hidden Theft. While neither one was done by Her Interactive, there was a HER Hardy Boys game in the works: the DS masterpiece Treasure on the Tracks. The audience for a Hardy Boys game was meant to be young boys/teenaged boys, but the side audience expected was fans of the Nancy Drew books and games.

So while I know logically that Phantom of Venice was just the latest in a  line of ‘adulted-up’ Nancy Drew books (and games), in my head it makes much more sense to say that it was supposed to be a Hardy Boys game meant to promote Treasure on the Tracks and HER got nervous and pulled the plug, stuffing their erstwhile teen detective in instead.

The Title:

As far as a title goes, The Phantom of Venice isn’t a bad one; you can tell it comes from the ‘hotter and sexier’ Nancy Drew books, and as a collection of words, it works rather well. It’s an evocative title, giving us our location, our crime (‘phantom thieves’ are common as a type of thief), and doesn’t say too much else, so as to not spoil the mystery.

As a title for this game, however…well, so little of the actual game deals with the Phantom that it’s rather non-indicative as a title. By the time you’re 16 Scopa games deep and are wearing a sparkly red dress with a cat mask and sneakers around Italy, you’ve pretty much forgotten about the Phantom and are more worried about exactly what happened to the pigeon you used as a messenger and why exactly flowers and gelato cost so much for 2008.

The Phantom of Venice just…deserved a better, more cohesive, more…well, phantom-y game than it got. That’s all.

Now, onto the mystery!

The Mystery:

Nancy’s been called in by the Secret Italian Police because a thief has been stealing art.

No, really, I’m being serious.

Sure, Prudence Rutherford has a hand in getting her called in, but basically Nancy goes from small-time cases, sometimes getting her name in the papers, to called in by the Italian Secret Police.

Caught up at a house where no one likes her (understandable, given that she just Appears one day, forced on the Ca’s owner, Margherita Fauborg, and her residents at the Ca’), Nancy soon becomes embroiled in a mystery most foul when she discovers ties to the art thief – or thieves – right around the Ca’, poisoned sausages and message-laden chocolate boxes, and shades and shades and shades of tiles offered by the Ca’s resident nerd.

Soon, Nancy is juggling police contacts, heists, Scopa games, and the impersonation of a world-class spy just to give the Italian police a hint as to who might be stealing Venice’s greatest artworks. It gets personal, however, when the Phantom Thief himself shows up, stealing Nancy’s locket which she’s just been given by Ned.

Oh, and did I mention that the whole thing is told in media res? Yeah, very, very weird choice right there.

Honestly speaking, the mystery isn’t…bad, per se. It’s got solid bones – art theft, mysterious thieves, romantic location, interesting-seeming suspects, some spy shenanigans. The problem with VEN’s mystery, largely, is that there just isn’t any cartilage to connect those good bones. Without something to hold it all together, it just kind of falls apart – exactly like a skeleton without cartilage.

Simply put, there’s a lot of mystery, but no plot to carry the mystery along.

The Suspects:

Beginning with Margherita Fauborg, the tanning-obsessed matriarch of the Ca’ Nacosta, seems like a good place to start. Dismissive of Nancy, tourists, and Nancy being a ‘tourist’, Margherita prefers to stay on top of her house tanning the day away rather than take part in any shenanigans.

Having Margherita not be a member of the ring was almost as inspired as having Helena lead it; she’s not nice, does suspicious things, is entirely self-centered – but she’s not a villain, nor does the game really pretend that she is for more than a second. I really like characters like this in the Nancy Drew games, who are honestly just People not enamored with the teen detective, but aren’t villains just because of that.

Also, the story of her husband’s death is just incredibly hilarious.

Her half-ward, half-employee Colin Baxter, on the other hand, is anything but dismissive of Nancy. He’s part of the ‘kinda crushing on Nancy’ club, but is Far less beloved than any other member of that club. It comes from his inherent creepiness, criminal record, and love for tile slides, I think.

Colin, as a suspect…well, he’s just there to make the numbers add up. It’s a shame that his largest utility is to show Margherita’s slightly unscrupulous nature, but he should have been kept as perhaps a figure that Nancy could call to get the story, rather than an in-person suspect.

The other person staying at the Ca’ is Helena Berg, fulfilling the HER mandate for having a German villain in their European games. Having Helena be the mastermind of the ring is a pretty good plot point, honestly, as I expected the first time for her to just be part of it, and to have that be the Big Surprise.

She’s also one of the few villains who promises revenge on Nancy and/or is still out there. I know it would have been Way too soon to have Helena be the returning culprit in RAN rather than Dwayne, but honestly she was a better candidate for it. While any hope of a good ND game (and mostly any game, honestly) is pretty far from me, I always hoped one day Helena would return in all her platinum blonde glory.

Enrico Tazza is our most encountered (kind of) and outwardly suspicious suspect, but he’s not exactly…well, scary. He makes Nancy-as-Samantha play a card game with him, then disappears, despite being the Preeminent Villain Face for the first half of the game.

I do love Tazza, however, just for his presence in the game. He’s cartoony, fun, well-acted…he’s just great. And as a potential villain, he’s great too! You’re never meant to doubt that he’s a ‘baddie’, you’re just meant to go along for the ride. Excellent.

Finally, Antonio Fango is the most prominent suspect that you’ll ever completely forget the name of, due to his lack of screen time despite being the Italian Police’s favorite suspect. He has a whole convoluted backstory involving multiple colleges and degrees, but really he’s just the communication go-fer for Helena’s theft ring.

As a villain…well, Fango does his part, but due to being a nigh-unseen suspect, he’s really just not very memorable. He’s like most of the ring – necessary to establish the numbers, but other than that, a non-entity.

The Favorite:

Despite the plot holes wide enough to steer a gondola through, there are a few things that really make VEN stand out.

The first is Samantha Quick; originally a stage name suggestion from Simone in FIN, she shows up as an actual character in VEN, albeit only by phone and shadow. Her pissed-off phone call to Nancy is a highlight of the game, especially as she ends with the vaguely threatening line “say hi to Ned for me”. Her shadow at the end in Colin’s window is the final clinch to make SQ a personal favorite of mine, and her presence (and the feeling of her presence, which is sort of different) is a high point in the game.

The location of the game is another plus; not so much Venice, but the Ca’ Nacosta itself. It’s a wonderful ‘home base’ location for any Nancy Drew game, filled with light, staircases, and pretty impressive stonework given that just a few short games ago, everything looked like it was animated out of melted gummy bears.

My favorite puzzle(s) are the chess puzzles, honestly. I just kind of like chess puzzles to begin with, and it’s a nice respite from forcing pigeons to do your bidding and avoiding various foods.

My favorite moment in the game is honestly the Samantha Quick shadow, but if I had to pick another moment, it’s where Nancy implies that she’s stripping for money, and Ned just replies that he’ll be really glad when she’s back home safe in the States. It’s such a random, hilarious thing to happen, and Ned’s complete underreaction to the idea of Nancy earning money in such a way (as she makes it sound way worse than it actually is) is what really sells it.

The Un-Favorite:

There are some un-favorites as well, however, that drag down the game to the place it currently resides.

The first is…well, the location and the means used to get Nancy there. As much as I have no problem with Venice, this attempt to open up the world makes little sense when you consider that there’s no way the Italian Secret Police would hinge their hopes on a small-time 18 year old American detective, no matter how highly Prudence spoke of her.

The jumbled plot (when there is a plot, at least) is another point against VEN; the writers just didn’t know what to do with Nancy being in Venice, and so just…didn’t do anything with it.

I also dislike that this game happens in media res. There’s no real reason to do it – and it makes any actions that the player takes that’s slightly apart from the ‘main plot’ – gondola rides, ice cream, looking at slide after slide after slide – seem incredibly out of place and borderline inappropriate. At the very least, if the Hardy Boys were part of the game, they could be yelling her name as she began to drown, which would give a sense of urgency that’s missing from the confused opening.

My least favorite puzzle…well, that brings me to a huge problem: every puzzle in this game is based around the fact that it’s in Italian, and they expect no one playing this to even have an idea of Italian (or any romance language). It boils down to this: the puzzle is just the Italian language, and they have nothing else up their sleeves. I don’t have a least favorite puzzle, because apart from a select few, they’re all the same puzzle, wrapped in slightly different clothing.

The Fix:

So how would I fix The Phantom of Venice?

Coming off of CRY, we’ve now had two games with two (or three) player characters, so that’s what I’d start with doing. Include the Hardy Boys, who have been called on by the Italian Secret Police because of their work with ATAC. They’re helping the mystified police track down this ring of thieves when Nancy mentions offhand that Prudence Rutherford is recommending a stay at a Ca’ in Venice whose owner owes her a favor (as a treat/vacation). Upon hearing this, the Hardy Boys ring her up and ask her help, as they’ve stalled out. They’re not allowed to come into physical contact with Nancy (to save money on animating them/Nancy), but they want her to investigate from her end, as she won’t be suspected at all.

The real reason the Italian Police let the Hardy Boys get her involved, of course, is that they need someone to impersonate Samantha Quick, and they’re having a rough time with their Joe-in-a-wig tests. They need an American who can convincingly pull off the act, and the brothers mention Nancy’s stints undercover. Desperate enough to grasp at anything, Nancy’s officially in.

That along would help beef up the plot, as suddenly we have an actual police plotline with the Hardy Boys (playing as one or the other, it doesn’t matter, or maybe both with different ‘jobs’ to do as one or the other). Diving the suspects is a good idea too; Nancy would take Helena and Tazza as her primary suspects (of course, only Tazza would be the ‘primary’ at the beginning), while the Hardy Boys handled Fango and his side of the ring.

The final puzzle (with the flashlights and such), especially, makes more sense as a Hardy Boys sort of thing. Nancy can snoop around the market and the Ca’, discovering clues as to Helena’s guilt and such. The Hardy Boys take down the ring, but Nancy takes down Helena.

I would also give Nancy a better reason to be undercover at the dance club. It’s a weird little minigame to be sure, but if it’s gonna exist in the game, there should be a better reason. Even better, take it out and have her solve puzzles – something other than the Italian Language, mind you – in order to get money from the police or something.

(Even better, take out the money thing, as someone helping the Police and pretending to be a spy should not be or appear to be short on funds.)

The last big change I’d do is to take Ned out (sorry, Ned, but there’s really no reason for you to be in this game) and swap him for Carson. Carson really should be in a few more games than he is as it stands, and this is a great way to bring in the fact that…well, Carson can’t be entirely Comfortable with the direction that Nancy’s life is going, even if he is proud of her.

Most of the time, Nancy’s family and friends are just used to say “and she’s ‘normal’ and loved and supported even though she’s never home”, and I think using them to establish her character and the stakes is a far better use of these pre-existing characters.

[thereisnobearonthisisland-arc]

i was nominated by @phancuffs and i’m gonna nominate @phloridas, @lilacskylester, @soft-howelllester, @manialester, @long-leg-lads, @queerdan, aaaaand @phanarchy if ya feel like like it

NAME: jen (among others)

STAR SIGN: libra/scorpio cusp but i’m a virgo at heart

HEIGHT: 4′9″ lol

WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME? hope

PUT YOUR ITUNES SPOTIFY ON SHUFFLE. WHAT ARE THE FIRST 4 SONGS THAT POPPED UP?

GUMMY by BROCKHAMPTON

the hamptons by transviolet

the story never ends by lauv

sappho by frankie cosmos

GRAB THE BOOK NEAREST YOU AND TURN TO PAGE 23. WHAT’S LINE 17? “'Did ever beggar have such heaps of fine friends?’” -the confidence man by herman melville (which i would like to burn btw

EVER HAD A POEM OR SONG WRITTEN ABOUT YOU? lmfao no

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED AIR GUITAR? never, sorry i’m lame

WHO IS YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH? phil lester or zendaya

WHAT’S A SOUND YOU HATE + SOUND YOU LOVE? hate: birds, loud breathing, and also this sounds awful but loud talkers make my skin catch on fire and i can love them but still need to Walk Away sometimes even though i know they can’t help it, i just can’t do it; love: crackling fire, dnp soft voices compilation, cats purring

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? i’m open to the possibility, but my inner skeptic about most things needs some proof, u feel?

HOW ABOUT ALIENS? probs other lifeforms out there, whether or not they have consciousness is another question

DO YOU DRIVE? that i do

IF SO, HAVE YOU EVER CRASHED? yes, i said i drive, not that i’m a good driver. once i hit a telephone pole and another time i rear-ended someone, and there have also been several other close calls someone pls take away my license 

WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? *crickets chirping* the last book i started for recreational reading was the secret history by donna tartt

DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF GASOLINE? i mean i don’t hate it but like i’m not gonna go stick my nose in a gasoline tank

WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW? erm, probably alex strangelove? but that was like a month ago. wait, i “watched” notting hill with my roommates in ireland, so i guess that. but if we’re talking like active watching, alex strangelove

WHAT’S THE WORST INJURY YOU’VE EVER HAD? two months ago, a cat tried to tear off my fucking leg and there are still remnants of the scratch

DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS RIGHT NOW? dan? and? phil? i mean i’m also obsessed with trying to improve my writing, but i haven’t quite decided if that’s a healthy one or not yet

DO YOU TEND TO HOLD GRUDGES AGAINST PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE YOU WRONG? i guess it depends because i think there are healthy grudges and unhealthy grudges. i think i’m more prone to forgiveness than i should be, which is why there are a few instances in which i’ve actively held onto a grudge to keep myself from getting hurt again because i know it will happen if i do let it go. if it’s something easily (or at least doably with a little work) fixable, then i’m fine with letting go of grudges.

IN A RELATIONSHIP? what???? is???? a???? relationship???? (nah)