#dan is so fucking tickled by this im dying

[tarthole]

thoughts on bride of reanimator:

-they gave my boy a gun lets go

-giving a heart to someone is definitely not gay

-A DEAD HEAD A NO-BODY

-fucking hill why is he back

-WHY IS HERBERT SO BAD AT SNEAKING AROUND I BET THE WHOLE HOSPITAL KNOWS HE STEALS BODIES

-why is cain flirting with the patient (herb is so jealous)

-the lil eye finger thing was so cute

-also upgraded house nice

-DONT LET THE LITTLE HEAD RULE THE BIG HEAD EXCUSE ME HERBERT WHO TAUGHT YOU THIS LANGUAGE

-while franscesa or whatever her name is and cain were busy fucking ma boi herb made a hand and a foot connected wow thats called productivity

-why did he tickle the foot

-why did the foot arm thing attack him and why is he losing to it

-HES A WIFEBEATER DAN USE THE GUN

-dan gets conveniently naked during the fight scene hmmm

-first a cat now a dog can animals stop dying for gods sake

-THE DOG GOT AN ARM THATS AN UPGRADE

-there is nothing straight about saying your better off without her herbert im sorry

-herbert is so silly when sneaking around body parts

-yay they made a woman

-i love this movie series when herb loudly proclaims something like I MADE HER and BY GOD THEYRE USING TOOLS. i eat that shit up

-BLASHPHEMY? BEFORE WHAT GOD? that monologue was fire, love you herbie fr

-also hill upgraded from talking head to flying head

-THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING OVER DAN

-herbert is so proud of his creation its adorable also he talks about it like he and dan are the gay dads of the creation lol like our girl is superior ok

-i swear herbert curses every one of dans girlfriends

-my boy is quick with the glock slay

-my boy also has to "die" in the end of every movie this man cannot catch a break

[patrickbrewerisgay]

undefined

HELLO???????? IM DYING THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN I AM STRAIGHT UP LOSING IT KLJGSL;FGDLGFK (via @shiqueeta)

[muchdan]

top 10 phan moments that make me wanna rip my heart out

yeah, just ten moments among hundreds, let it be part one or something. tell me what i’ve missed because i want more suffering in my life.

10) mind control.

i mean, i appreciate the subtlety. i crave those tiny moments that you only notice when someone points them out to you. but this! you can’t miss this one, this moment is shoved down our throats. this is so “i’m allowed to do that to you, to be in your personal space, and gaze into your eyes for no reason, just because i want to”. and phil’s face in that moment, so much joy and mischief, he claps his hands and gazes back.

9) chest touch.

drama queen howell strikes again, it hurts to rewatch it srsly, why is he so extra? but what is phil doing ladies and gents? he slaps his chest in the weirdest way possible, he brushes it, it’s like he wants to shove him but reassuringly and the movement happens so fast you have to pause for a second to comprehend it. that sweet gentle boy is so fond of dan’s unnecessary commentary and yeah, it completely distracts us from what dan is saying at that moment.

8) feel my heartbeat.

was that necessary, really? like, i don’t ask my friends to feel my heartbeat when i’m scared, that was such a “horror movie at first date” bullshit, that’s not what people do?? and when dan does feel that beautiful hummingbird heart, phil just covers his hand with his own palm because yes, you gotta feel it very close, no air between your hand and my chest. dan immediately looks into the camera to show us that yeah, i know you’re there, nothing strange, and makes a comment about phil dying. wow.

7) phil the delivery man.

i don’t know what to say. it’s so simple but why does phil have to make such an act of bringing dan his charger, why does he talk in that stupid voice?? they have a banter, and then phil FIXES DAN’S CHARGER FOR HIM, like what?? who asked you to do that? where’s my IT guy au (literally, he’s got glasses, look at him). and before he leaves he plays the piano that nerd, what an attention seeker, and then bows!! is he tipsy? did he have a pre-liveshow orgasm or something? dan laughs fondly and it’s all i need in the world.

6) child beer.

what’s happening and does it even matter. phil’s hiding on the floor, but why? to surprise us? eh whatever. so he’s got that magical japanese powdery stuff and he wants dan to taste it. the biggest problem for me here, ahem, i mean the thing that just kills me every time is that phil spends the whole time (eight minutes) on his knees and he looks so cute when he makes that beer, holds it close to the camera, and then lets the foam sit so dan can have the ultimate child beer experience.

it reminds me of that hot chocolate video, where he does something so trivial but he’s so gentle and loving about it. i still don’t understand why they didn’t do a simple taste test like bros, but phil had to make it for dan, he wanted to see his reaction. and then he tries it as well, touches the glass rim with his lips at the same place where dan’s mouth just was (gross).

and i just can’t ignore how that boy sneaks past dan’s room after that, he’s playful, he stops to say that he googled something and dan was wrong, and domesticity, i wanna die.

5) sleeping phil on tour.

i kinda wanna talk about the angle here because i don’t understand how it was filmed (camera is pretty static, dan’s hand reaches from the side, not behind), but i don’t know if it matters here. what matters is how gentle dan is. of course, he starts with classic nose tickling, which is what “messing with a sleeping friend” usually implies, but then he frees one strand of phil’s hair and just lets it fall. wow, fantastic prank, dan.

and let’s separately discuss that pout/kiss phil does after he opens his eyes. i know you want a slow mo replay, so here we go:

that’s what i call “im gonna stay asleep but i love you”. where’s the nearest cliff so i can fling myself into abyss?

4) the look.

context what context. why did they keep it? why did they put it on fullscreen instead of hiding in the corner? two full-length looks dan, really?? you know what he looks like, why do you have to examine him like that in front of us you slut. and it just passes, without acknowledgment, they just turn back at us simultaneously and I’M STILL DEAD at that moment, i don’t care what happens next.

3) snoot. proot. (i just filmed you doing that)

i don’t even care what it was. something about piano sounds or whatever, but this video haunts me. THERE’S SO MUCH TO IT. first, phil is lying on dan’s bed (at least in the official version it’s dan’s, not mutual), just chilling?? and dan’s working i guess. so they are not actually doing something together but it’s a cozy evening, why would they spend it in different rooms? dan says something, idk, and phil replies “yeah” in that deep voice I SWEAR i haven’t heard from him before. dan makes the sounds again, like can you believe he’s an actual dork in real life, it’s not an act, he’s actually the weirdest boy alive, and he so obviously doesn’t know he’s being filmed. because when phil says “i just filmed you doing that you’re so weird”, he’s so delighted, he laughs at himself, he turns around, his hair is pushed back omg they are both so sleepy and i rejoice. i think this video gives us a rare but fantastic insight in their everyday life, phil must be keeping so much silly videos like that on his google drive and we never get to see them BUT SOMEHOW he posts this one, probably because dan is cute and he wants everyone to know it.

2) you loved it. you wanna do it more.

so, yes. you know this one. where do i even begin?? they play this dragon quiz and then 1) phil says “you loved it” in the strangest voice, like the voice we never hear from him, it’s deeper and quieter, he looks at dan even though dan’s not looking back; 2) dan is looking down as if he’s fiddling with an ipad or something, it’s almost a bts moment, something they would usually edit out. AND THEN THREE SECONDS OF SILENCE while dan kinda processes what’s going on and phil still looks at him expectantly. seductive as fuck. and now this quiet “alright”, i’m just… dan looks like he’s gotten the hint, so he’s a little embarrassed and they share the softest laugh. 

the thing is, we know how often phil makes sexual innuendos and dan always reacts the same way: he looks into the camera, he throws a witty comment in, he puts it on display to show us that there’s no intimacy in that moment. but not this time. i don’t understand why they didn’t edit it out. i just… don’t.

1) pantless liveshow this is the ultimate. this is the weirdest and the most awesome thing these two gave me and i’m not even sure what can top that. the moment when phil decides to grab the humidifier and show us, he looks at the screen, says “one second” and stands up very awkwardly while dan turns the laptop away from him and makes the weirdest “how you doing” face. 

WHAT THE FUCK. did they think we were so used to them weirdos that we wouldn’t even notice that shit? but fuck, they do it again, they want to show us the spray and dan goes “should i go get it? you have to do phil’s corner”. like, i can’t function, i honestly can’t. AND THE WORST PART is when dan returns and we can see him covering his legs with a blanket just too fast like it’s not that cold boy come on.

i have no explanation and i have every explanation. i don’t deserve all this suffering.

[lenzami]

Summary: DandP are at a party and Dan is kind of, sort of stuck. Would You Rather + Truth or Dare is not working out in his favor, but it also kind of is.

Word Count: 1,306 (wow this is short)

a/n: btw this is actually based on real life as i went to a party and my friend marissa was asked the would you rather question and she ended up humping my other friend elliana and it was great

also you wanted me to tag you in this and im like scared and agh okay hi @snowbunnylester

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Why Dan decided to come to a party when he could’ve had a lazy day in doing nothing, he didn’t know. He regretted coming to the party even more as soon as the words “Would You Rather” and “Truth or Dare” came out of the host’s mouth.

So now here he was, sat on the floor, waiting for his first question as Joey pondered what to ask him.

“What the actual fuck is this,” a voice suddenly spoke. Everyone turned to look.

A moth.

A dead one at that.

“Ooh. This’ll be interesting,” Joey thought aloud and Dan was regretting ever existing. He grimaced and cowered down while he turned to look back at Joey

“Dan. Would you rather eat that dead moth or hump Phillip over there for 15 seconds?” Everyone either started laughing or struggled to contain laughter.

“What.” He deadpanned, to which Joey just shrugged and smiled innocently. That little fucker.

The thought of eating the moth was a completely scarring idea, what with the dustiness of moths and the fact that it’s a fucking bug, like, what the fuck, Joey.

However, the option to hump Phil is absolutely mortifying because of the subtle crush that is actually very quite obvious to everyone besides Phil. What if he got a fucking hard-on?

He was not ready to explain why he got a boner while humping his best friend due to a dare.

While Dan debates internally, questioning his morals and sanity, Phil is nearly dying of laughter at the hilarity of the entire situation. They were at a party of all places and there just so happened to be a dead moth in a lamp and now his best friend is being asked to either eat the damn thing or hump him.

With expectant looks from everyone in the room, Dan quickly sputtered out a, ‘what the fuck?’ and turned to look at Phil, whose laughter had finally resorted to occasional giggles, “Okay, look, I’m not eating that damned moth under any circumstance, but I’m not humping Phil.”

“Choose, Howell. It’s pretty obvious what you want.” Joey spoke, smirking to himself as he leaned back onto his own arms.

Dan’s face turned completely red and his mouth was left agape and he hunched in on himself even more.

He hears some shuffling beside him and before he turns his head, he hears Phil’s voice, “Dan, honestly, I’d let you. I wouldn’t ever be able to eat a moth. We could just get it over with and out of the way?” Dan nodded and sighed, exasperated.

“Fine, I’ll hump Phil,” he murmured and stood up.

The blush in his face became even darker as the physical feeling of cringe flowed through him. He knew it would be awkward, especially since he wasn’t dating phil and, oh, majorly crushing on him.

Genuinely terrified of ruining his and Phil’s friendship, he shook his head, trying to get rid of all of his thoughts, and got behind Phil, anxiety and slight arousal pooling in his stomach. Joey was laughing to himself, most likely from Dan’s tomato red face, and started up a timer, “Alright, ready? Got my finger on the stopwatch”

Phil nodded and Dan followed suit reluctantly, setting his hands awkwardly onto the other’s hips.

“Okay, start whenever.”

Dan took in a deep breath and let the awkwardness, anxiety, and uncomfortableness settle in before he started moving. He was especially uncomfortable since he normally fantasized about Phil humping him, not vice versa. He scolded himself regardless because he should not be thinking about his fantasies while he was doing what he was doing as he was pretty sure he was already a lot harder than necessary.

He could feel time slow down as dread tickled the back of his mind because oh my god I’m actually getting hard and this is the exact opposite of what I wanted to happen.

He didn’t know what else to do with his hands so he kept a vice grip on Phil’s hips. His heart was beating so fast but at the same time so slow, with the sound of his pounding heart nearly palpable in the air around him. He felt stuffy; he couldn’t breathe. He needed to get out.

So as soon as Joey said the 15 seconds were up, he quickly mumbled an “I forfeit” and left the room, quickly padding down the hallways and closing the door to a guest room behind him.

He’s thankful that he doesn’t hear Phil follow suit and he slides down the wall, half-hard and thoughts of everything swirling everywhere in his mind without end.

What if he just ruined his entire friendship with Phil? The one thing he valued most of everything? The only person who saved him from his insecurities?

He was pretty positive he felt like he was going die as the voices in his head got louder and louder and the empty thoughts started crowding his mind more and more.

He was almost so into his thoughts, he barely missed the soft knock on the door.

How long had he been in there?

His hands quickly came up to wipe his eyes and he sat up straight as the door creaked open. He knew it was obvious he was crying, what with his tear-tracked cheeks and red eyes giving off the telltale signs for it.

Phil’s voice rang through the otherwise empty room, “Dan? Are y- oh. Dan?” He pushed the open door all the way and sighed as he saw his best-friend, eyes red, flushed cheeks, and heavy breathing. He slowly walked up to him and sat down next to him before pulling him into a side hug, “It’s alright, Dan, you’re okay, I’m here.”

“I’m sorry” he hiccuped and let another tear fall.

After a couple minutes, Dan had calmed down with Phil’s fingers threading in his hair and slowly rubbing his head.

“Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?” He whispered.

“Yea… yea. It’s- It’s about time I do…” He smiled pathetically and let out a small sniffle

He ducks out of Phil’s arm and rubs his eyes a little, giving a small smile as he sat up. Dan tried to contain his blush as best as he could and nearly succeeded as his cheeks were tinted a soft pink.

Before saying anything, he took in a deep breath and spoke all at once, “IkindofsortoflikeyoulikealotandI’msorry.” He held his breath as he waited for Phil’s reply but all he was met was with a confused look.

“Sorry, what?” He asked, “I didn’t catch any of that.”

“I.. kind of, sort of… like…?you…?” He said, speaking slower and more hesitantly, “Sorry…” He turned away in fear, but didn’t miss the way Phil’s mouth turned downwards. Dan awaited a backlash, but got nothing.

“Was… was that all? You like me?” He asked, reaching out towards Dan who flinched away from the movement.

“Uh- Y-yeah, that- that was it.” He stuttered out.

“Dan… why didn’t you tell me?” He asked again, sympathy lacing his tone.

“I- I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Sorry, uh, I- I can, y’know, leave… if you want… Sorry if I made things awkward… I’ll just go now. Yeah- yeah I’ll do that, heh.” He laughed awkwardly as he scrambled up to his feet, backing up a bit before turning around and making his way across the room.

Phil stopped him by grabbing onto his wrist and he quickly stood up behind him. Dan turned around quickly to question him, but before he could do anything, Phil quickly pressed his lips onto Dan’s and smiled.

“I like you, too, Dan.” He said when he pulled away, brushing a bit of hair out of Dan’s eyes before taking his hand and walking with him out of the room.

Maybe that dare wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

a/n so this was meant to be a quick and funny drabble but it turned into whatever this is

(also, as this is my first fic, criticism would be v v appreciated thank)

[pixiesticksie]

3, 5, 6, 9, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 19, 22, 27, 29, 30, 31, 33, 34, 35, 36, 38, 40, 42, 43, 44, 53, 55, 56, 57 (only if ur comfy!!), 59, 60, 63, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 71, 72 (only if ur comfy!!), 74, 87, 91, 94, 99, 102, 108, 111, 114, 119, 129, 131, 134, 137, 138, 139, 142, 143, 145, 148, 149, 150, 154, 155, 156, 157, 167, 168 ((i tried sending this once but i dont think it sent)) ((sorry for all the questions i was just rly curious!!

Oh my gosh. I’ve got my work cut out for me. Thank you though omg

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? 

Does pyjamas constantly count? Or, or, the boyfriend clothes that Yoongi wears.

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:

@/savejin2k16 @/kasperquinn @/backseatofthetourbus probably.

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Caution; short and clingy

9: Are you ticklish?

I’m extremely ticklish. Like,, tickle me and I laugh so hard I cry. I’m so ticklish. Everywhere.

11: What’s your sexuality?

Pansexual~

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

Oh my gosh. I love all three. But my favourites are probably coffee, then tea, then cocoa

13: Are you a cat or dog person?

I have two dogs and a cat and I literally go up to every animal I meet and I pat their heads and tell them they look nice today. I’m just an animal person

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?

MERPERSON I HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH THE LITTLE MERMAID MY ROOM IS DECORATED WITH THE LITTLE MERMAID I ONCE DYED MY HAIR ARIEL RED I LOVE MERMAIDS

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? 

jacksfilms. but of course I love love love markiplier, dan and phil, ryan higa, etc.

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

I do! Always. c:

22: Pet peeves?

Never bite into an apple around me or I swear to god I will rip your teeth out

27: Any phobias or fears?

Heights, spiders, not being able to breathe, losing loved ones

29: Do you believe in reincarnation?

I’d like to~ I don’t know if I fully do, but I really love the idea!!

30: Favorite movie?

...The Little Mermaid

31: Do you get scared easily?

Yes actually lol. Jumpscares and stuff, especially irl. But omg I love horror and gore

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]

12/10

34: What is a color that calms you?

Light and rich purples

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

Daegu, South Korea or Seoul, SK. Ireland. Canada. Those types of places.

36: Where were you born?

In a lil old town that I live near now. US is all I’m giving you~

38: Introvert or extrovert?

Ambivert!

40: Hugs or kisses?

BOTH. ALL. AHHH.

42: Who is someone you love deeply?

@/savejin2k16 @/kasperquinn @/backseatofthetourbus... also Min Yoongi

43: Any piercings you want?

Nose and more ear piercings. I only have 5 piercings now on my ears.

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

I love them. So much. I’m planning on some for myself.

53: How are you feeling right now?

Sleepy as hell

55: When did you feel happiest?

When I first got into BTS and started biasing Min Yoongi...

56: Something that calms you down?

Min Yoongi...

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

I have pretty severe diagnosed anxiety, like a lot of different kinds. I have diagnosed clinical ocd, diagnosed depression, and diagnosed ptsd. I take medication for them though!

59: What three words describe you the most?

short, smiley, inlovewithminyoongi

60: Do you believe in evolution?

Of course?? whoops sorry catholics I grew up as one of you but no thanks

63: Favorite kind of person:

Lets me be my weird ass self and loves me for it

65: Name three of your favorite blogs.

... @/savejin2k16 @/kasperquinn @/backseatofthetourbus

66: Favorite emoticon:

purple heart!! and the whale with the little water comin out of its blowhole

67: Favorite meme:

what in tarnation and me me big boy

68: What is your MBTI personality type?

Mediator? (INFP-T)? I’ve never actually heard of this before!

69: What is your star sign?

Aquarius!!

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?

My band t-shirts and combat boots and jeans with a beanie tbh

72: Post a selfie or two?

Maybe..? If anyone really wants to see me

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?

I’m very...short. and holy shit I love gore

87: Do your socks always match?

They never match

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?

Cherry blossoms!! I’m planning a sakura tree tattoo!

92: A store you hate?

Umm... This CVS near my house. Specifically that one.

99: Someone you look up to:

Min Yoongi lol

102: Where do you live?

The USA! freedom! (it sucks here omf)

108: Something you get paranoid about?

People secretly hating me but pretending they like me

111: A question you hate being asked?

“Have you even tried to get rid of your acne?” Yes. For fucking years now. Get off.

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

I like sunny days that aren’t too bright. but cloudy days if I go for a walk/run

119: Favorite thing about a person:

Being cute because everyone is cute tell everyone theyre cute they like it

129: What would you want written on your tombstone?

...Well, fuck.

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

I obsess over things easily. I love it because it makes me happy but I don’t like the way it annoys others, so I try and keep it contained

134: Do you like roller coasters?

NO OMG NO YOU CANT THEYRE SO HIGH AHHHHHHH

137: Do you believe in karma?

Not really? Kinda? But I’m not focused on it. Like if its real its real idk

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?

I’ll go with a solid 5 or 6. But I know @/savejin2k16 would say more

139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

Oh gosh, okay, um... Hann, Ami, Amity, Hann Hann, Pip, Bunny, Bun, Teddy Bear, Bear, fluff, smol one, red, Ariel, cheeky, monkey, sunshine, mochi, etc, etc, etc... I respond to them all still

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

if im being honest im pretty much a ball of sunshine who never judges anyone and wants everyone happy. take that as you will

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

Giving!! Ahh! It makes me feel so good! Please come to me if you need help, I love it!!

145: How many languages do you speak fluently?

Fluently? Um.. English, obviously. I’m almost fluent in Spanish, and I’m learning Korean

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: 

My eyes! They’re grey and shine a light blue in the light and dark, rich blue in other lights

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

How excited I get over little things. It’s genuine. “Ami, there’s a bunny over-” “*breaks down into tears* BUNNIES ARE SO PRECIOUS I HAVE TO TELL IT THAT IT’S DOING ITS BEST WHERE IS IT”

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

@/savejin2k16 @/kasperquinn @/backseatofthetourbus ....ANDYOONGI

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

Of course. I’m very touchy feely and if my friends are sad, I say “comforting forehead kiss?” and they nod and I’ll give them a little forehead kiss and pat their cheek and tell them they’re doing a good job

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

Mhm!! It’s fun. And I love when people play with mine too! It always makes me sleepy.

156: What embarrasses you?

My voice, my bad acne, my tum. Those things.

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

People talking about me or secretly hating me. And when I can’t check on my friends!! I need to know they’re okay and happy :c

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?

I think I’d like to know! But I’m not overly focused on it. c:

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

I do! It’s nice, and I like how my eyes look with eyeliner, it brings them out. I’m also irish so I’m naturally very rosy and blushy and I like the even skin tone I get from makeup. Also, the acne. But it’s only on rare occasions I actually wear it, since I’m pretty bad at it and I’m just comfortable without it

Wah.. that took so long oml