#damn. where's jason mendoza when you need him.
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this "big stupid evil guy" in buffy's words, making a big speech about buffy and angel's relationship and how it's doomed and angel is wasting her life or whatever to make them more insecure and shit. it's one of those times i'm grateful for being [airhorn noise] because that just plain and simple would not work on me lmfao. even if it's things i'm actually insecure about it's like why do i give a shit lol. the only reason ppl picking at my insecurities is ever hurtful to me is because they are trying to hurt me tbh. and why do i give a shit if some stupid evil guy wants to hurt me? of course he does, he's evil. and he's Evil evil, and he's taking the time to try to hurt my feelings? kind of pathetic tbh.
#jack facts#there are so many villain archetypes that are just completely ineffectual to me#like this guy is supposed to be frightening because he's got social as well as supernatural power#and because he's posing as a good guy and he's supposed to be really creepy or whatever#like he gives the appearance of a straightlaced and hokey apple pie eating family man or whatever but he's actually Evil and also has ocd#like girl. that's not scary. half of that is insufferable and half is maybe inconvenient but normal.#they're like ooooh he's invulnerable until this specific date when he's gonna do this evil ritual#but he needs all this really specific stuff to do the ritual and it has to be done in that exact time frame#like okay so just stall him man.#tv shows are so silly. like i get the no killing humans thing fine. but you can't just burn the fucking city hall down after hours?#like ok maybe that wouldn't destroy everything but one of the most important things to his ritual is a set of irreplaceable ancient books#you know. paper? notorious for burning quickly?#damn. where's jason mendoza when you need him.
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Eavesdrop
A quick alternate to Earshot, but set in canon S2 rather than NPL, where the demons focus on Michael for their taunting.
*
Second book in on the top shelf. That’s the one to pull to unlock the secret door hidden in the wall behind Michael’s desk. She’s supposedly the only other being, besides Janet, in this micro-universe privy to that bit of info. It leads to a hallway that extends to a secret chamber filled with a bunch of Earth collectables along with, recently added on her suggestion, a mini-arcade with classic game machines and a karaoke stand. The walls were sound proof, obviously.
She’s not here to escape a lecture from Chidi about messing up the laundry by hanging out in her demon pal’s very own ‘bud hole’ this time. Her ear is pressed to the closed panel after sealing herself in, waiting for the big Satanic tree to arrive.
To her surprise, and slight annoyance, he hadn’t arrived alone.
“You shouldn’t be getting drunk like this. What if the humans saw you? Everyone here is supposed to be abstinent of all vices!” Michael had grumbled, a ruckus of giggles behind him.
“That’s the point, dummy! It’s a ‘Purge’ night!” Vicky cackled; “Tell ‘im again, Gunner!”
“I got the idea off this human movie - one night, we’re allowed to do any shirt we wanted without consequence! We can drink, smoke, do drugs, stab and bite to our black hearts content!”
“NO! Definitely no stabbing! Or hurting any of them...Physically!” He’d struggled to make that last detail sound natural.
Good save, bud, Eleanor had thought.
Another demon, Petra, Eleanor thinks, had groaned; “Ugh, you are such a buzzkill lately. Can’t you see how awesome this idea is? Think about how wasted Eleanor is gonna let herself get! That dork, Jason, is gonna be high as a kite and it will make Chidi and Tahani wanna cower inside their homes! It’s genius!”
Eleanor had almost let herself be excited for the idea of trying to make the most of this supposed ‘torture’, similar to the one at Tahani’s party, which even Michael had said she hadn’t done too bad at acting and preparing the chaos sequence the next morning. She could hear the worry in Michael’s response though, being surrounded by three hundred demons, losing their inhibitions and wanting to let off steam in the most ‘passionate’ way possible, had the potential to go very wrong. For all of them.
As she listened, Michael’s attempts to reign in his rogue employees soon descended into outright pleading, which only gave him more scorn in return.
“Look just...remember what our goal is here. I get that you’re all frustrated but we’re doing so well and all I ask is that you don’t go too far on the humans, please.” He’d tried to ask, nicely. Wrong move.
The laughter nearly shook the building.
“Jeez! If you love these humans so much, why don’t you fork them?” Bambadjan teased.
“Nah, let’s face it, not even those cockroaches would wanna go near that disgusting skin suit with all it’s musty folds.” Vicky responded; “...Oh, what’s wrong, Mikey? It’s not like we’re insulting ‘you’ after all...Unless you’re starting to feel a little too cosy in that costume of yours.”
Eleanor’s stomach twisted on his behalf. She knew how much he loved that suit; he was so forking vain, after all. But then again, is it vanity if it’s not really his body? He just wishes it was.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Michael responded, quietly.
“Then prove it, dude! Take it off! Strip! Todd goes streaking every night.” Gunner encouraged.
“You know I can’t! It’s not the same for me.”
“Maybe I’ll take mine off tonight. Imagine how much Mendoza will freak out when he sees a giant acid snake coming for him after too many mushrooms!” Vicky joked; “It’s still ten times better than any torture method you’ve come up with for them, Mike. Maybe melting their brains by revealing your demon form will provide us some results.”
Is it really that bad? Eleanor was naively hoping there was some sexy bald goat-man underneath that suit. Dude was so shifty about it, like he didn’t wanna spoil the mystery. Was it more than that? Was he ashamed?
“You’ve all made your point, have your Purge and I’ll clean up the mess tomorrow. Just go easy on the humans - I insist.” Michael sounded so tired.
“Oh he ‘insists’!? Did you hear that guys? Mikey, who failed his own experiment over eight hundred times, wants to ‘insist’!” Vicky sneers.
“Well I insist that he shuts his fugly food hole and leave the masters to our job!” Petra cackled; “And he gets back to trying to fork his paperclips or whatever shirt you get up to here.”
That sounded painful, Eleanor couldn’t stop herself picturing it.
“Jeez, Mike, you always were a loser but there’s really no hope for you, is there. Before you were just the quiet nerd no one wanted to hang out with because of your weird fixation with Earth-people. Soon you’re gonna be known as the idiot who failed his first experiment; even if the rest of us do manage to salvage it for Shawn, we’ll all know the truth about how badly you suuucked!”
It took all of Eleanor’s strength not to shove the panel open, stomp over and grab Vicky’s hair to slam her face into the desk. They all just followed him in there to bully him?! They were the losers.
“C’mon, guys! We should have known he wouldn’t have wanted to join our party, it’s not like he’s used to being invited to any.” Bambadjan added, inciting more giggles.
“See you in the morning, dumb-ash. Be up bright and early to clean up our shirt, as you say, chop chop!”
Counting to ten to contain her rage luckily meets up with the sound of the door closing, the demons exiting the building.
She carefully opens the secret door, seeing Michael sat in his chair, hands folded on his lap, eyes cast down. When he hears her soft footsteps, his head turns, expression shifting to try to cover the wobbling lip she’d briefly caught sight of. He sniffs and rubs his upper lip with his hand.
“Eleanor!” Michael straightens up; “Were you there the whole time? What if they’d seen you or...sensed you were there?”
“Relax, man, they didn’t see shirt, it’s cool.” She puts her hand up; “...You okay?”
He looks to the side, forcing his ‘superior’ smirk, “Uhh, yeah, of course! Why wouldn’t I be? Just...having a bit of workplace banter, as they say.”
“Didn’t sound like ‘banter’ to me, dude.” She edges closer, slowly, knowing that if he’s as much like her as she knows, he’s gonna be like a wounded tiger right now.
Getting too close, too quick, is gonna get her eyes clawed out. She would know, she’s swung a few claws herself.
Michael sniffs, struggling to keep his mask on; “M’fine, Eleanor, really. You better go prepare for this Purge or whatever they were talking about, go enjoy yourself or...make sure the others are safe-.”
His words are cut off by her weight falling down onto his lap, arms looping around his neck as she embraces him. Fork it. Screw being slow and steady; the demon was about ready to cry.
“Wha....What are you doing?” Michael stutters, stiffening.
“Hugging you, idiot...Sorry, I mean that affectionately,” She says against his ear.
“W-why?”
She shrugs, still hugging him tight, shuffling on his knees; “’Cause you need it. ‘Cause it’s the quickest way to let you know that all those things those demons said was garbage. Fork, have they always talked to you like that?”
His silence answers her question.
She squeezes him again; “Damn, no wonder you’re as new to this whole friend thing as me.”
“Demons insult each other all the time, Eleanor, it’s how we compliment each other. We’re meant to enjoy it.”
That made zero sense.
“But you don’t....do you?”
Michael breaths in deep against her. Then she shakes her head, leaning into her shoulder.
“That’s ‘cause I’m a freak...I’m wrong, just like they say...like Shawn says...I’m just a failure of a demon.”
“That’s a good thing in my books, man.” Eleanor pulls back, looking at him, admiringly; “You might be failing as a demon but, I have it on good authority, you are rocking it as a newbie human. And I know you think we’re all gross and stupid but...I know you love us.”
He wrinkles his nose, trying to look as though he denied it, yet refusing to. His eyes gaze into hers, a rush of color brightening his cheeks.
“It’s fine, you don’t have to say it, I know you’re not quite ready there yet.” She knows herself how difficult it is to say those three words, to anyone; “But we’re your friends. We want you on our team, Michael, not just ‘cause it stops you torturing us but...Because you’re a cool guy to be around, when you’re not giving paperclip showers or putting us in purple space bubbles.”
A smile threatened to crack on Michael’s face as he squirmed beneath her. Was it really this easy to make an all-powerful being look so shy and bashful? It was adorable.
She moves her hand up to his cheek, thumb stroking below his eye, reddened with unshed tears.
“Also...I feel kinda obliged to confess something.” She says, “This skin-suit? Your skin-suit? What Vicky said was bull-shirt. All of it. Not only is this suit as much you as whatever demony essence you got going on underneath...But it’s also not bad looking either. I might even go as far to say ‘handsome’. In like a Richard Gere in Pretty Woman way.”
“R-really?” He looks hopeful for a second; “I mean...I know it’s gorgeous, but I wouldn’t expect...I mean I wouldn’t want you - or any human - to ever wanna-.”
She cuts his babbling off again with a kiss on the cheek.
He’s frozen now.
Eleanor grins; “That prove it for you? You know me, I don’t give out pity kisses.”
Michael squirmed again, biting his lip, mumbling something which might have been ‘gross’ or ‘weird food holes’, but he doesn’t move his hands away from where they’ve found the small of her back.
“Hey...how about we do one quick bit of karaoke before we go brief the others on tonight. You can pick the song.” She says, giving his bow-tie the smallest tug.
He smiles, touched, then nods; “Sounds good...”
“Cool. Also, don’t open that drawer on your desk until you’ve properly cheered up - I rigged it with a pie to get thrown in your face as revenge for cheating off my paper earlier!”
“Oh, pies are the best prank! I wish you hadn’t told me now, you’ve spoiled the surprise.”
Eleanor giggles as she takes his hand, leading him to his bud-hole; “You know me, demon buddy. I’m always full of surprises.”
His fingers squeezed hers; “That you are.”
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ϟ. → robert sheehan : genderfluid : he/they/she : dealer of illicit objects and substances : the raven by the alan parsons project ϟ did you see mundungus fletcher ? you know , 31 year old halfblood who was formally in ravenclaw. some say dung can be quite furtive but are known to be unreliable. they are aligned with the order . maybe that’s why they remind me of naming stray cats, flicking a lighter over and over again, falling asleep on the subway. ϟ
some links for food
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ciannán o’donnell is a flighty man, one of many relationships and flings and little loyalty, and so his affair with maeve fletcher does not last long. when she tells him she is pregnant, he moves on to a different woman, and maeve has her son alone, with her sister on her side. and thus, mundungus is born (and giving an arguably atrocious name).
he grows up with his mum – a halfblooded witch and by far his favourite person in the world – in limerick, attending muggle school there. he knew who his dad was, but wasn’t quite sure how to feel about — his father is a criminal, a prominent member of the irish mob.
he meets his dad for the first time at age seven, and was nothing but impressed. his dad showered him with gifts, his mum watching with a furious look on her face but biting her tongue. that moment was a switch for mundungus; he felt the need to impress his dad. he stole some sweets from a store on his way home from school a week later, fished some pennies out of the pockets of his classmates a few months later. when he phoned his dad to tell him, his laugh was warm and filled with life. his relationship with his dad got better as his behaviour got worse. the thrill of stealing, of doing stuff he wasn’t supposed to, lit him not only on fire because it was exciting, but also because he knew his dad would adore it.
but ciannan, a flighty man, pushes and pulls. and so mundungus was fed disappointment by his father, liking love off a shiny knife rather than a spoon ( silver or plastic, what the fuck does it matter ). details omitted, long story made short: his dad sucks and his mother tries, but mundungus is pulled towards that what smells of danger.
DRUGS MENT. at hogwarts, dung is sorted into ravenclaw. not at all the booksmart type, he falls more into the chaotic-creativity, random-bursts-of-wanting-to-learn-everything-about-something type of ravenclaw. there’s two worlds, then: the muggle world, where he slowly dips his water further in criminal waters, and the wizarding one, where he’s chaotic and messy but a student. when he grows older, these overlap: dung starts selling some of his dad’s weed at hogwarts, and soon gains a reputation of being able to get people less-than-legal shit.
not getting high off your own supply is not a sentiment he agrees with. not then, not later, not now. dung is fun, always in for a party and willing to supply the goods to throw it. if some rich purebloods lose a few galleons at said party, well, it sure isn’t him! END OF TW
he graduates with two newts, in herbology and potions, failing his dada and charms exams. he’s not an academic.
falling into the family business after graduation is easy. mundungus is attracted by the criminal underworld, both that of muggle ireland and that of the wizarding world. knockturn alley was a place frequented in teenage years, but now becomes more his place. he makes connections, exchanges strange potion recipes for other things. makes an odd wager on a bunch of stolen brass scales and turns a profit.
a career is not something that interests him; he is more interested in bending rules and making quick money. thievery, selling illegal shit, heists, fraud, fuck-all. mundungus is not limited by one descriptor, one kind of criminality. he just does what he wants and hopes to make a good penny.
but then he almost gets sent to azkaban over some, in his frank opinion, bullshit. it’s dumbledore who talks the wizengamot out of it, saddling dung up with some community service and persuading him towards the order. he’s twenty three. the war is still fresh. he has no interest in it, but he owes the old man. fine.
mundungus does vehemently oppose blood purity and any kind of discriminatory ideals, an anarchist in his very bones, but he is also cowardly. to side with self-proclaimed rebels is not in his blood and yet it’s where he ends up, bringing shady ties to the underworld to the table and a sheer ability to sneak around and fuck the law. and maybe, amidst the ranks of the order, dung finds something he’s not very familiar with: a large family. and dung? well, he’s the stoner, gay, super-fucking-chaotic cousin.
personality
if jesper fahey and kaz brekker had a child, it would be dung.
other character parallels: fezco ( euphoria ), boris ( the goldfinch ), doug judy ( b99 ), jason mendoza ( the good place ), chris miles ( skins ), nick miller ( new girl ), creed bratton ( the office ), scott lang ( marvel ), lillian ( unbreakable kimmy schmidt )
technically he’s homeless. he’s got a bedroom at his ma’s place, has a ton of squatter connects in the muggle scene and couch surfes aplenty, but dung doesn’t rent a place. why? landlords are evil. he could afford a place, just doesn’t see the point. life’s better with some adventure.
appears very neutral in public as it’s beneficial to his role in the order???
.... tortured artist. writes poetry and loves to draw and paint.
tattooed the fuck up. some are his own designs.
can usually be spotted wearing The Coat, a rly expensive, vintage long coat that he once stole of a pureblood. he’s enlarged the pockets with some handy spellwork and pretty much carries everything he owes in there, like his produce and his money and his second pair of shoes and his art supplies and probably some random trash.
loves animals. he loves stray cats especially <3 they are his kin.
an anarchist. a bit of a punk. a deep idealist with a cowardly heart so constantly betraying himself (and sometimes others?)
queer! enby! genderfluid! i used he/him pronouns throughout this intro but dung truly doesn’t give a damn what u use. loves to dress up in feminine clothes.
has a ton of aliases, lol, the most important one being marigold fincher.
cusses too fuckin much to be healthy :/
oh no he is a big sad insecure kid deep inside :/ dont tell anyone how embarrassing!!!! shhhh!! it’s a secret.
quick connection ideas
victim. wow please. if your character is rich. let me steal from u. pick ur pockets. break into ur house. get some of ur stuff and drop it on the black market.
customer. dung sells. whatever u need. drugs. weird magical things. ask and ye shall receive. his prices are whack but he does deliver <3
pal. party friends! order friends! random encounter friends! dung has a trashmouth and loves to talk pls let him chat u up and u will never be rid of him <3
couch. he couch surfs. a lot. if ur character trusts dung enough to let him into their home (which they shouldnt) then pls let him sleep over for a night. he will leave a strangely expensive necklace on ur kitchen table as a thank u. or wilted flowers. no in between.
skeptic. ur char is in the order and thinks dung is a liability and maybe they have a point. a point mundungus would rather not face :)
dmle bitches. dung hates anyone authoritative but esp the coppers at the ministry (hit wix & aurors) (yea he calls them coppers sorry he doesnt respect them enough to call them aurors <3). give me that doug judy/jake peralta dynamic. or just someone in the dmle who is like ... sigh this guy again???
fwb/one night stand/fling/etc. he’s a bit slutty <333 give him some ppl he’s hooked up with / will hook up with.
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107 The Good Place Prompts
Eleanor Shellstrop
1 “I just don't think the group thing is for me. I'm better when it's one-one-one and we're both looking at our phones and I don't know the other person and we don't talk.”
2 “The closest thing I could find to herbal tea was a root beer I had them throw in the microwave.”
3 “Whenever anyone tells me a story about their life I always imagine all the people as being super hot. Otherwise, I quickly lose interest. Do you not do that? You can do it for free.”
4 “I'm SO ready to learn, it's like my brain is HORNY!”
5 “What can you possibly say to us that will make up for your actions?” “Pobody's nerfect?”
6 “You don't seem like a ... super genius.”
7 “Ugh, of course your hugs are amazing.”
8 “Oh, so now I'm supposed to be nice and make friends and treat him:her with mutual respect?” “Yeah!” “That's exactly what he/she wants me to do, NAME, wake up!” “That's what everyone wants everyone to do.”
9 “Your friend sounds like he’s/she's one pickle short of a pickle party.”
10 “I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.” “Oh, come on. Everyone knows that's worse.”
11 “I know it sounds crazy, but if it weren’t crazy they wouldn’t call it a ‘leap of faith.’ They would call it a ‘sit … of ... doubting.’”
12 “Buzz off, Bambadjan.”
13 “Where is everyone?” “Who knows? Maybe they finally figured out clam chowder is disgusting, 'cause it's basically a savory latte with bugs in it.”
14 “First of all, throwing sand is an excellent way to put out a vodka fire.” “Why would you even know that?!”
15 “No, NAME, I used to do that. Now I do selfless things without even thinking about it.”
16 “Why don't I ever listen to people when they talk about themselves? No, it's annoying, and I'm right not to.”
17 “Are you going to talk? Or just walk around like a nerd trying to get a personal best on his Fitbit?”
18 “I guess ‘try and enjoy this’ is a better plan than ‘have the anxiety sweats.’’
19 “I’ve only ever said ‘I love you’ to two men my entire life, Stone Cold Steve Austin and a guy in a dark club who I mistook for Stone Cold Steve Austin.”
20 “Is that some kind of nerd pick-up line? Because it’s only kind of working.”
21 “You know I’m trying to say ash-hole instead of ash-hole, right?”
22 “It’s suddenly very important that I get drunk.”
23 “Well fork you, too.”
24 “Holy mother-forking shirtballs.”
25 “‘You’re not better than me’ was my yearbook quote.”
Tahani Al-Jamal
26 “You guys came to say goodbye because you're my friends.” “Well, I suppose some part of me possibly has a sense of casual kinship with you, much as one might be fond of a street cat.”
27 “I would say I outdid myself, but I’m always this good. So I simply did myself.”
28 “NAME, you seem thoughtful. And that concerns me.”
29 “I, NAME, shall do my level best to make every event too much.”
30 “I just want to sit and stare at nothing, and silently scream for the rest of time.”
31 “I made a complete fool of myself tonight. I interrupted your big speech and badly stained my cargo pants, which, I have to admit, are quite comfortable. Oh, God, what’s happened to me? I’m praising off-the-rack separates!”
32 “Who else feels that NAME has ruined every moment of your existence since you arrived?”
33 “Right now I'm just a boy/girl, towering over a boy/girl, asking him/her to admit he/she loves me.”
34 “My whole life, whenever I encountered any obstacles, I would simply say, ‘I would like to speak to a manager.’ But in our relationship, there was no manager. There was no one who could fix this for me except me.”
Chidi Anagonye
35 “I’m just not a ‘new experience’ kind of guy. My comfort zone is basically like, that chair, and honestly? The arms are a little sharp.”
36 “Here’s an idea. What if we don’t worry about whatever comes next?”
37 “Principles aren’t principles when you pick and choose when you’re gonna follow them.”
38 “If this isn’t a test, then it’s something way worse: A choice! That we have to make!”
39 “I am absolutely paralyzed by decision-making.”
40 “I’m going to ... start crying.”
41 “I am pretty good at turning every place I go into my personal hell.”
42 “You know the sound that a fork makes in the garbage disposal? That’s the sound that my brain makes all the time.”
43 “Well, I’ve narrowed it down to two possibilities: yes and no.”
44 “There's an old Chinese proverb... ‘Lies are like tigers. They are bad.’””That's it?” “I guess it's more poetic in Mandarin.”
45 “I argue that we choose to be good because of our bonds with other people and our innate desire to treat them with dignity. Simply put, we are not in this alone."
46 “I am breaking up with you.” “Why?” “I can't ... It's complicated, but it's happening. Ya dumped!”
47 “I do have a stomachache. Why do I always have a stomachache?”
48 “You put the Peeps in the chili pot and eat them both up! You put the Peeps in the chili pot and add the M&Ms. You put the Peeps in the chili pot and it makes it taste bad.”
49 “Are you alright? You didn't sleep at all last night.” “I got a solid eight minutes. Not consecutively, but still. It's fine. You're not even that blurry.”
50 “We can be colleagues. Associates is pushing it. And by even having this conversation, you're becoming my confidante. I can't have that.”
51 “I am absolutely paralyzed by decision making and it is destroying my life.” “Yeah, I sort of got that when you couldn't choose a chair to sit on.” “Well, I didn't want to offend you in case you had a favorite.”
52 “This whole romantic situation is such a mess. I am vexed, NAME. Vexed.”
53 “I need to step outside ... for some air ... and I will not be back for many days.”
54 “I'm sorry, everyone, I just have some worries as well as some concerns that could potentially turn into outright fears. Ah, there they go, they're fears now.”
55 “When I'm really upset, concentrating on a table of contents helps me calm down. It's like a menu, but the food is words.”
56 “I have never been that certain about anything. I once even tried to rent socks. How did I say that that easily?”
57 “You broke the world. It's not a compliment!”
58 “This is fun. It's a fun party. There's no question about it, this is a fun ... situation. Hey! You guys are here! The fun continues, nay, increases!”
Michael
59 “If soulmates do exist, they’re not found. They’re made.”
60 “I’ll say this to you, my friend, with all the love in my heart and all the wisdom of the universe. Take it sleazy.”
61 “We have no plan. No one’s coming to save us. So ... I’m going to do it.”
62 “It’s a rare occurrence, like a double rainbow. Or like someone on the internet saying, You know what? You’ve convinced me I was wrong.”
63 “Lies are always more convincing when they’re closer to the truth.”
64 “Kissing is gross. You just mash your food holes together. It’s not for that.”
65 “Birth is a curse and existence is a prison.”
66 “Serious question: should we kill them?”
67 “Lonely Gal Margarita Mix for One.”
68 (Holding a plush Minion) “I won this ugly yellow toddler, which is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.”
69 “Hello, everyone. Good to see you all here, mingling around with your various secrets. Who really knows which of you are who you say you are? No way to know unless I pull your skeletons out, right?"
70 “In the words of one of my actual friends: 'Ya basic'. It's a human insult. It's devastating. You're devastated right now."
71 “Where's the H? This keyboard doesn't have an H.”
72 “Dick Tracy called back on his watch phone and said you better "watch" out!”
73 “I got to ride a bike. I put a coin in a thing and got a gumball. And then someone came up to me and said, ‘hot enough for ya?’, and you know what I said? I said, ‘tell me about it!’” “Well I am glad that you got to chew a gumball.” “Oh, damn. I didn't even think to chew it. Missed opportunity, shoot.”
74 “I saw this place that was at once a Pizza Hut and a Taco Bell! I mean, oh! The mind reels! A Pizza Hut and a Taco Bell!”
75 “And what's the significance of the keychain?” “Nothing, I just like frogs. I'm a frog guy.”
76 “I won't let you down.” “I think you will. I think this entire project of yours is stupid and doomed to fail.”
77 “You know the way you feel when you see a chimpanzee and a baby tiger who have become friends? That's how you're going to feel every day.”
78 “You humans have so many emotions. You only need two: anger and confusion!”
79 “It makes sense, right? They're good so they're stupid and trusting.”
Jason Mendoza
80 “I have no idea what’s going on right now but everyone else is talking and I think I should too!”
81 “I can’t believe NAME betrayed us again, why is it always the ones you most expect?”
82 “I wasn’t a failed DJ. I was pre-successful.”
83 “Claustrophobic? Who would ever be afraid of Santa Clause?”
84 “If you’re a devil, how come you’re not wearing Prada?”
85 “I’m too young to die and too old to eat off the kids’ menu. What a stupid age I am.”
86 “Well, my year started about a year ago …”
87 “Dude! We can get mythical animals? Maybe I’ll get a penguin.” “Penguins are real.” “That’s the spirit, NAME. They’re real to me too.”
88 “When I say I'm meditating, I'm just trying to figure out what the fork is happening."
89 “You know, it doesn't matter if you know things. All that matters is what's in your heart."
90 “I'm ranking my favourite Fast and the Furious movies. You said you wanted to know who I am, and this is the best way to get to know me."
91 “He’s/She's my everything. He/She makes the bass drop in my heart.”
92 “Long story short, it was all a dream.”
Janet
93 “I think I might hate things now, too. So far, it’s genocide and leggings as pants.”
94 “NAME told me that instead of being sad, I should ‘go get it, girl.’ So I’m going to go get it, girl.” “Get what?” “Unclear. I’ll get everything, just to be safe.”
95 “In case you were wondering, I am, by definition, the best version of myself."
96 “Ooh, I've never had to walk before, this is fun! [Walks a few steps] Now I'm bored. Walking is dumb.”
97 “Oh, really? Is it an error to act unpredictably and behave in ways that run counter to how you were programmed to behave?”
Minor Miscellaneous Characters
98 “There is some good news. There’s some cake left!” – Neil from Accounting
99 “Well, I'm sure you're busy, you probably wouldn't want to talk to me. I get it, I wouldn't either. I'm as dull as a rock. Ugh, even that analogy was boring. I'm sorry, I'm so dull, and I'm ugly. I'm like a rock. Ugh, stupid Larry! Stop talking about rocks!” — Larry Hemsworth
100 “Oh, and you should smile more. You'll get bigger tips.” — Trevor
101 “Later days, dingus.” — Trevor
102 “Hold that thought. Is it OK if I go work out? I love working out. I gotta stay jacked. It's who I am.” — Chris Baker
103 “This is exhausting. I just want to go back to my container of goo and go to sleep.” — Shawn
104 “So, what's up, what's your deal? Are you single? What's going on?” — Trevor
105 “What up, ding dongs?” — Bad Janet
106 “Hello, imbeciles.” — Shawn
107 “So, we'll just roll on out, and you can get back to putting rainbows up your butt or whatever you do here.” — Trevor
#the good place quotes#the good place prompts#eleanor shellstrop#chidi anagonye#tahani al jamil#jason mendoza#writing prompts#drabble prompts#quaratine sucks and making these keeps my mind busy#i live in covid 19 hell#dialogue prompts
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“i pour alcohol into the gaping hole inside my chest. it does not heal. not today. maybe tomorrow.”
MUNDUNGUS FLETCHER is 26 years old and works as a THIEF/DRUG DEALER/ALL ROUND CRIMINAL and is loyal to THE OOTP they were an RAVENCLAW and are a HALFBLOODED. HE look like FRANK DILLANE.
CHARACTER PARALLELS: nick miller ( new girl ), creed bratton ( the office ), doug judy ( b99 ), jason mendoza ( the good place ), chris miles ( skins ), jesper fahey ( six of crows ), scott lang ( marvel ), lillian ( unbreakable kimmy schmidt ).
AESTHETIC: scuffed knees, flicking a lighter over and over again, flowery shirts, walking in the middle of the street after midnight, a body covered in bruises and tattoos, naming stray cats, falling asleep on the subway, watching smoke curl against a starless, black nightsky, throwing empty beer bottles against a wall.
LINKS: stats. pinboard. character tag.
HEADS UP: there’s quite a bit of talk about drugs and stuff in here -- as well as shitty parenting. i trigger warned it before every bullet point tho!
history
ciannán o’donnell was a flighty man, one of many relationships and flings and little loyalty, and so his affair with kiyana fletcher did not last long. when she told him he was pregnant, he moved on to a different woman, and kiyana had her son alone, with her sister on her side. dung was born to a lonely and angry woman, who had fallen for the charms and winks of a crooked criminal who spoke empty promises and lied for a living.
he grew up with his mum – a halfblooded witch and by far his favourite person in the world – in cork, attending muggle school there. he knew who his dad was, but wasn’t quite sure how to feel about —- EVERYONE knew who his dad was, a well known muggle criminal and dealer, a name notorious among the older kids at his school, a father to many. he’s like the robert baratheon of ireland, to be honest, planting bastards on every corner. lol. knowing he was one of his many kids was hard; he’d never met any of them, but he knew they were there, from his mother, from his aunt.
he met his dad for the first time at age seven, and was nothing but impressed. his dad showered him with gifts, his mum watching with a furious look on her face but biting her tongue. that moment was a switch for dung; he felt the need to impress his dad. he stole some sweets from a store on his way home from school a week later, fished some pennies out of the pockets of his classmates a few months later. when he phoned his dad to tell him, his laugh was warm and filled with life.
his relationship with his dad got better as his behaviour got worse. the thrill of stealing, of doing stuff he wasn’t supposed to, lit him not only on fire because ti was exciting, but also because he knew his dad would adore it. his mother’s worried questions and look only drove him to his dad, who liked it when he did bad things, who didn’t try and ground him ( looking back, he knows that that was stupid, but back then he was blindsided, obsessed with the mystery that was his dad ).
abuse tw // his father was abusive. period. he’s a wicked man, who has blood on his hands of people who were in his way, and he doesn’t love anything but winning and money and the high of victory. he manipulated mundungus, pushed him towards bad behaviours, showed him his bad sides when he was disappointed. most of the abuse was mental and verbal, but sometimes it turned physical as well. it’s toxic. mundungus hasn’t allowed himself to admit that to himself yet, though. end of tw //
drugs, smoking, alcohol tw // attending hogwarts was good, at first. it forced him to focus on other stuff, for a while, but his summers and winter breaks forced him back into his old behaviours. his world was split; at hogwarts, he was a loud and lively, but still a pretty good student, while at home he fell deeper and deeper in crossing lines and boundaries. he lit his first cigarette at age ten, drank his first beer at age twelve, smoked his first spliff when he turned fourteen, as a present from his dad. end of tws //
hogwarts also meant friends --- the dick squad was founded here, consisting out of dorcas, doc, daisy and dung himself. these three people meant everything to mundungus, to be honest, let him see the ways people could love each other without conditions or out of obligation. they were chaotic and messy and wrecked havoc on the castle but --- damn it, they’re his family, and he’d die for them.
drugs tw // it was in his later years that these two worlds started overlapping. his dad trusted him with a bit of produce, gave him some weed to sell at hogwarts after his christmas break in his fifth year, and it was a success. ever since, dung became pretty well known for selling a little bit of this and that. a lively spirit, he always did so with a bit of a grin, but he was also pretty fond of the stuff he sold, indulging quite a lot when business was a little slow.
he also stole a lot from rich purebloods, because fuck them
i guess ... this is where the messiness really did ... explode? mundungus liked the taste of drugs. he liked the taste of doing illegal things. he liked the taste of earning money and feeling powerful and he loved it all. he grew more dependent on alcohol and drugs. he wanted to flee, too. the world was a nasty fucking place and he knew that all too well and, fucking hell, don’t blame him for wanting to escape every now and then. end of tw //
he graduated at one point which? is a miracle? i think they just wanted to get rid of him tbh!!! but yeah, dung did Try a little at hogwarts, as he respects the hell out of dumbledore and stuff, but he was still not a good student. after graduation, he kind of joined up with his dad and started doing some illegal stuff in the wizarding world too, because why the hell not? he was good at it.
dung had no plans to join either side of the war, tbh, even though he’ss v much against the de’s cause. he’s a self serving kid!! but then he kind of got in a nasty situation where both alastor and dumbledore got him out of trouble ( that might have sent him to fucking azkaban, what a fucking idiot ) and well, dung might be a shithead, but he felt indebted to them and kind of rolled into the order.
and well --- the order was a newfound family. messy, of course, and full of chaos and distrust, but --- heck, mundungus found a lot of people there that he did end up feeling loyal to. and while that was scary, as mundungus prefers being a lone wolf ( or raccoon ), it was a kind of wonderful, too?
and -- get this -- he was an asset. his ties to the criminal world, with his ability to steal and sneak around like less than a shadow. he was useful, and mundungus fletcher had never been useful in his life before. what a weird feeling that was --- oh boy, but it was good, too. mundungus likes it. he could build on that and improve greatly and he has fucking potential to become a better person. he really wants to, too, because he feels incredibly indebted to alastor and dumbledore akjfsdf.
dont hold your breath, tho, he’s probably not going to improve a lot
mundungus doesn’t technically have a home. his mother’s place is his home, i guess, but he’s not there a lot. he crashes on couches, breaks into muggle homes of people who are on vacation ( always leaving it the way it was, but with a bit of a smell ) or in a squatter’s home, which he thinks is an iconic scene.
drugs tw // besides his work for the order, mundungus does a bit of this and that. he still works for his dad a little, dealing some drugs for him, but he’s mostly focused on making his way through the wizarding world’s underground and making a name for himself there. he sees no reason to try and find another career, finds the things he does now thrilling and exciting and honestly, he doesn’t have much of a way out.
abuse tw // his dad has a hold on him. sure, he can drop his criminal activities in the wizarding world, but when it comes to his dad's business, he’s stuck. his father isn’t going to allow him to walk away – that much should be obvious. he knows too much. and then there’s mundungus’ wish to always please his father, and his father’s endless dissatisfaction. it’s messy and bad and toxic and we all hate mundungus’ dad. end of tws //
addiction tw // what it all boils down to is that mundungus is chaotic. he never stays in one place too long, doesn’t have a consistent job, strays away from commitment and stability. he’s addicted, to drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and adrenaline. he’s self serving, in the end. he’s seeking for validation, deep down, and endlessly scared of all that’s happening around him. he’s alone, dreadfully so, but that’s the way he prefers it. end of tw //
personality & tidbits
mundungus is a lowkey tortured artist. he writes awful poetry and draws a lot and he loves painting if he has time. he’s in love with the beat generation, mostly. he’s very private about this kind of stuff, though. it's his thing, and his alone. some of his tattoos he’s designed himself tho!! and we love and stan!!
his stance in the war is something that’s … pretty unknown, i imagine. mundungus benefits from appearing neutral, has connections in both the pureblood and muggle world. he likes to come across as that shady dude who will do whatever you ask of him for the right price.
can usually be spotted wearing The Coat, a rly expensive, vintage long coat that he once stole of a pureblood. he’s enlarged the pockets with some handy spellwork and pretty much carries everything he owes in there, like his produce and his money and his second pair of shoes and his art supplies and probably some random trash.
is a bit smelly, so give him a shower
most likely to show up at your doorstep at 5am with some flowers and a shit eating grin, saying “can i sleep on yer couch?”
mundungus LOVES animals but doesn’t have any because of his lack of a home. his mother has a dog, though, and he loves that dog. he also feels v connected to stray dogs and cats and can be found petting and feeding them a lot.
hates himself deeply, doesn’t think he’s worth anyone’s time (despite constantly demanding it), has a low opinion of himself. he doesn’t get it if people care about him, to be honest? the only person he can properly accept it of is his mother, but even that’s complicated.
plots!
CUSTOMERS // a simple, easy connection! basically someone who buys drugs (also does like medicinal stuff? but also drugs-drugs) of mundungus or has paid him (good money) to nick something for them. he’s pretty down to do most things as long as it’s for the right price!
PARTY FRIENDS // dung likes getting wasted / high / fucked up and having a good ol’ time with people. sure, he’s done it alone, but he prefers doing it with others. there’s a lot of room for diff options here?
YOU SAVED ME ONCE // ( alcohol tw ) a plot where someone got dung to a hospital when he got alcohol poisoning and basically saved his life?? meaning?? mundungus feels indebted and he hates that but!! he’s gonna pay your char back! he promises!
UNDER PRESSURE // i imagine that dung has some ties to de’s as well bc of his less than legal work so? maybe some death eater could try and put some pressure on him? get him to do some dirty job bc it’d not matter if he died … etc etc
UNDER PRESSURE 2.0 // on the other hand, i bet some order members are like 👀 at dung? this one’d be for order members who’re like … making sure that dung is still loyal and here?? making him feel a bit?? queasy??
ONE NIGHT STANDS // dung isnt rly good at romance but he’s good at no strings attached sex. this’d work in a lot of ways and w a lot of characters so imma keep this p open! dung is bi btw!!
THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY // your average angsty exes plot? mundungus is flighty, and while he does feel feelings for people, he’s not … good with commitment. this’d be a relationship that he broke off bc he got scared or ?? something else??
COUCHES // i need some couches that mundungus can crash on adkjfhsdf he needs a place ... to sleep. he will pay you back with drugs or ... stolen goods? money? something that he didnt acquire lawfully
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The Good Place’s Manny Jacinto Doesn’t Want To Just Play Himbos
Actor Manny Jacinto of NBC’s The Good Place wants to move on from playing “himbos.” The Good Place aired on NBC for 4 seasons from 2016 to 2020 and was created by the prolific Michael Schur, who is also known for his work on such TV hits as Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Parks and Recreation, and the eternally popular The Office. The Good Place, which starred Kristen Bell and Ted Danson, told the story of four humans who are, so they believe, mistakenly sent to “the Good Place” after their deaths despite not deserving to be there. A surprising and hilarious show that constantly wrestled with ethics, The Good Place was nominated for 14 Primetime Emmy Awards during its run.
Jacinto had worked steadily for many years in Hollywood, previously playing smaller roles in shows like Supernatural and Bates Motel, but he rose to fame playing Jason Mendoza, a loveable and attractive but not very bright character on The Good Place who, along with Bell, William Jackson Harper, and Jameela Jamil, is trapped in a complicated afterlife. Though the sweet-natured and gullible Jason does exhibit some character growth over the show’s 4 seasons, he retains his simple outlook on life (and death). Jacinto’s utterly committed portrayal and exceptional comic timing made him an instant fan favorite in the role. It would be understandable for Jacinto to continue playing parts like the one that made him famous, but it seems Jacinto has another path in mind.
Related: The Only Actor in The Office, Parks & Rec, Brooklyn 99 AND The Good Place
In a thoughtful interview with Variety, Jacinto expressed gratitude for his time on The Good Place while also making it clear that he is ready to move on to playing different types of characters. He revealed that he “didn’t want to go into acting and do all this as a career just to play one note.” Read his comments below:
“[On The Good Place] I was able to learn and witness and just be in the presence of so many people that are just so damn good at what they do. I was put into a show where the fans are just so positive and so supportive.
I do think that Hollywood has a tendency to put people in boxes, and I don’t want to just be one thing. I didn’t want to go into acting and do all this as a career just to play one note. I like being the quiet one, and I like having a sense of mystery. It’s my home base, in a sense, being more still.”
Jacinto also discussed two of his recent projects, Netflix’s Brand New Cherry Flavor and Hulu’s Nine Perfect Strangers, which is based on the book by Liane Moriarty, who also wrote the novel Big Little Lies. Discussing Nine Perfect Strangers, Jacinto shared that the show’s theme of how far people will go to find happiness resonated with him, and as another plus, “when you get a call to play with Nicole Kidman, you go and play; you don’t mess around with that.” With Kidman’s stellar track record, it’s easy to understand why he feels that way.
Many actors who have found success in popular series like The Good Place have struggled to break free of the characters that first brought them fame. Those who have successfully managed to make the transition to other types of roles have often done so by picking surprising next steps, just as Jacinto is doing. It’s a smart move for Jacinto to choose characters that are so vastly different from his breakout role, in projects headlined by major stars like Kidman. It’s also a testament to Jacinto’s talent and skill as an actor that he’s had the opportunity to do so. Though many people may still miss The Good Place, fans of Jacinto will no doubt be intrigued by the chance to see him show off his acting chops in some very new and exciting roles.
More: Everything You Need To Know About Nine Perfect Strangers
Source: Variety
The post The Good Place’s Manny Jacinto Doesn’t Want To Just Play Himbos appeared first on undertheinfluencerd.net.
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All-Time Favourite Ships!
From books, movies, Broadway, and TV shows!
(list not in any particular order and may contain spoilers).
1. Bellarke: Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffen from The 100 (TV)
Okay, I know I said that the list is in no particular order, but this ship is my all time OTP since I started watching The 100. And I can’t sleep at night knowing that they are not officially canon yet, even if it was pretty clear in Praimfiya that it will be endgame! So exited for their reunion in Season 5. I spend hours on end reading Bellarke fan fiction all day, every day. And Bellamy is my baby and I love his so much. And I can’t wait to see how he is after the six-year time jump on the show. Sometimes, I think that I watch the show just for these two.
2. Haleb: Hanna Marin and Caleb Rivers from Pretty Little Liars (TV)
Again, like I said that this list is in no particular order, this ship would defiantly be in my top 5. Anyway, I still have to properly sit down and watch Season 7B of Pretty Little Liars so don’t spoil anything for me. Haleb in my opinion, is the best ship on this show, but I think towards the early seasons I used to ship Ezria more but when Caleb showed up with his long hair, I died. And therefore, they became my favourite ship. I remember, I put watching the show on break after Caleb left to do his own show is either season 3 or 4, I don’t remember exactly. But yeah, these two are pretty cute together and I hope it stays that way.
3. Stydia: Stiles Stilinksi and Lydia Martin from Teen Wolf (TV)
Okay, again, probably in my top 7. So, the thing with Stydia is that they dragged it out for so long that the anticipation killed me. But I love them still so much. And Dylan O’Brian is just on a different level of awesomeness (and cuteness). And Lydia, even though she used to annoy me at first, and Teen Wolf is probably not my favourite TV show, but it’s still good, and Lydia’s character started to grow on me and I need to catch up on Season 6, (don’t judge me guys, the past few moths for me have been really busy) and I just recently started to watch this show, like maybe two years ago, but still, love love love.
4. Linctavia: Lincoln and Octavia Blake from The 100 (TV)
Okay, so another The 100 ship, but oh my lord I scream every time someone mentions them! They are so adorably cute and the flyest of power couples who don’t give a damn about what people think. And every time I think of Lincoln, I just might well cry because he didn’t deserve what he got. Fucking Pike. I’m glad Octavia killed him. And the song to which Lincoln dies to, and the one where Octavia’s scream and cries are kinda muffled, it’s called Cloud by Elias, and it’s in my playlist and then I have a mini breakdown when it comes on and think of Lincoln falling on his knees in the tiny puddle and Octavia and I just cry a little more on the inside. Anyway, probably the best couple to ever exist on the show and maybe even ever in this whole damn world. They were so fucking badass together, I loved every minute of it.
5. Sciles: Scott McCall and Stiles Stilinski from Teen Wolf (TV)
Okay, so this is like my favourite BROTP of all eternity. I just think that their relationship is so cute and how much they care about each other, and the hug in season 3 is my everything, ahhh, I just love them so much it hurts. And throughout the show we can see their friendship grow even though they have been friends since they were little. Damn, I wish I had a friendship like that.
6. Chair: Charles “Chuck” Bass and Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl (TV)
Ahhh, Blair and Chuck, Chuck and Blair! I don’t think anyone will ever know how happy I was when the endgame for their endgame actually happened. Honestly, I was rooting for them since Blair’s birthday episode in the first season, even when everyone was after Nate and Blair, but no, not gonna happen. I just thought that Nate was very innocent and nice for Blair. Blair needed someone like Chuck and I don’t think anyone ever loved anyone else as much as Chuck loves Blair. I love them, they are so perfect for each other, with their games. I wish I had a Chuck. Blair’s lucky. Haha.
7. Literati: Jess Mariano and Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls (TV)
I wanted them to be endgame so bad. I remember I stopped watching Gilmore Girls after Jess leaves to go to the West Coast, and I wanted to punch his so bad, but I didn’t want to destroy his pretty face like the Swan did (if you know what I’m talking about HMU). And I low-key hated Logan, I don’t know exactly why, but I just did, but I think I’m over it now. But still I wanted these two to be together forever, cause they are just so perfect for each other and so balanced I loved it while it happened. But they can’t be together, and I shall be forever sad.
8. Percabeth: Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase from The Percy Jackson and the Olympians Series, and The Heroes of Olympus Series (Books)
Okay, so the kiss underwater made my 4th grade self go absolutely crazy with happiness. But I guess, my favourite moment from (both) of the series is probably at the start of Mark of Athena when they run towards each other and fall into each others arms and kiss when they reunite after eight long years, and everyone knows that they were endgame except when Percy had that thing with Rachel, but I was glad when that ended. Anyway, I just re-read the Heroes of Olympus series and I fell in love with all the characters again.
9. Jasiper: Jason Grace and Piper McLean from The Heroes of Olympus Series (Books)
Ahh, absolutely love these two. Too cute! Okay, I don’t have much to say for them besides that they are completely badass together. I mean, I was really sad for Piper when she realised that her memories pre The Lost Hero were not real. But the whole “look at that comet from the rooftop when it’s just us” would have been too cute it it was real.
10. Dramione: Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter Series (Books)
Okay, so I read a lot of fan fiction, and this is the one that I fully support no matter what the circumstances. I really really did wish that this could be possible but it’s not, it was never even canon! But yeah, I think that they would make an amazing couple together, and would be so cute, even if it is a very unlikely pair. But still, I do think that love sparks between them still.
11. Drarry: Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter from the Harry Potter Series (Books)
Oh, my god the amount of fan fiction I read for this is incomparable. I just love this pairing so much I can’t handle myself sometimes. Anyway, maybe in another world this is true and the people are happier there.
12. Aridante: Aristotle Mendoza and Dante Quintana from Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe (Books)
Okay, I don’t know how this ship name makes sense but whatever. I love love love this book so much, and I think these two, in whatever kind of relationship, make so much sense together. If anyone has not read this yet, what are you doing with your life? Anyway, this book is amazing and Benjamin Alire Saenz is an amazing author.
13. Adlock: Irene Adler and Sherlock Holmes from Sherlock (TV)
Okay, it was hard to chose between Johnlock, Sherlolly, and Adlock. But then A Scandal In Belgravia will forever be one of my favourite episodes, and honestly, their relationship just excites me and that message tone in the last episode got me all excited and happy again. Anyway, I wish they were canon but I respect whatever Sherlock is and how he does not want a relationship.
14. Triles: Tristan Milligan and Miles Hollingsworth III from Degrassi: Next Class (TV)
Anyway, I was getting so mad when I could not find a gif that fit the aesthetic of this post, but then I finally did and that’s all that matters. Anyway, I’m so glad that this is cannon and hopefully endgame, but Miles little slip with Lola in Season 3 got me so mad! Like, how could he, his boyfriend was in a coma and he’s cheating on him! That’s totally unacceptable! But then I guess I came to terms with why he did what he did. And I’m glad that Tristan (kinda) forgave him. Yay.
15. Bughead: Betty Copper and Jughead Jones from Riverdale (TV)
Okay, so I haven't read enough fan fiction to say that this is my absolute favourite yet, and since this is a newer ship than most others mentioned on here, it’s kinda hard for me to feel for them what I feel for the others. But I still really like this pairing, it’s kinda unique, and a little different from the normal TV shows, so yeah.
16. Lams: John Laurens and Alexander Hamilton from Hamilton: An American Musical (Theatre)
This is my favourite theatre ship, but somewhere in my heart, I think Jefferson and Hamilton secretly love each other. No, but seriously, I think John and Alex are just the cutest friends, and the fact that their friendship existed so heavily in real life makes me so happy.
Okay, so that was the list but I have a few honourable mentions that did not make it on here and they are:
1) Sherlolly from Sherlock (TV)
2) Hamiliza from Hamilton: An American Musical (Theatre)
3) Snowberry from The Flash (TV)
4) Samaustin from A Cinderella Story (Movies) (I made up that ship name and I am not very good at it).
So, that was it! And I’m pretty sure I missed some but I hope you guys enjoyed!
#otp#bellarke#The 100#haleb#pll#stydia#teen wolf#linctavia#brotp#bromance#sciles#chair#gossip girl#Literati#gilmore girls#parcabeth#jasiper#pjo#harry potter#drarry#dramione#aaddtsotu#adlock#sherlock#triles#degrassi next class#bughead#riverdale#lams#hamilton
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list all the cwc competitors and if you think they are attractive or not. :D
Ok lets see here. I’ll do a y/n thing and then add something about them too.
Akira Tozawa - y; first off, i’m stoked he’s finally debuting, but I’m sad that he is essentially the reason Monster Express is no more D:
Alejandro Saez - n; he’s p kewl doe. He was working NOAH recently too
Anthony Bennett - n; I didn’t get to see enough of him D:
Ariya Daivari - y; he’s a qt in that heel-ish sort of way
Brian Kendrick - n; I wish he had Big Zeke back D:
Cedric Alexander - m; I’m on the fence like is he a mega qt or just a qt. Who knows?
Da Mack - n; he reminds me of another wrestler, but I can’t put the name with the face D:
Damian Slater - n; again, didn’t get to see enough of
Drew Gulak - n; his anti-women gimmick is trash. he deserves better
Fabian Aichner - n; there is a girl on lsa who is obsessed with him doe
Gran Metalik - n; he was bomb af in njpw
Gurv Sihra - n; didn’t see enough of him or his brother
Harv Sihra - see above
Ho Ho Lun - y; mega qt. Acknowledged my petition to change the name of his fandom to the HoHoLunatics :p
Jack Gallagher - y; see my page and my twitter for more :D
Jason Lee - y; wish I would have see more of him doe
Johnny Gargano - n; his nxt tag team is cool doe
Kenneth Johnson - n; I hope he gets to spend some more time in the PC because with some work, he could be super awesome
Kota Ibushi - y; that is @golden-star-kota‘s man though
Lince Dorado - n; he has a sweet mask :D
Mustafa Ali - y; he’s a super qt. I read a story about him that ran in the Chicago paper and he seems super awesome. I want him to do well. :3
Noam Dar - y; i’m not-so-low-key dar trash and i hate it D:
Raul Mendoza - n; didn’t get to see enough of him. seems really good though
Rich Swann - n; he needs to back to dragon gate some day and ask sairyo for another crack at the Rap Battle Championship
Sean Maluta - n; i have a headcanon that his favorite wrestler is cima since his gear is exactly like cima’s, just it’s red and black and not Greece blue
TJ Perkins - y; again, not-so-low-key trash and I hate it D:
Tajiri - n; he seems awesome af doe because I watched some videos where he was doing a bunch of American shows and he’s funny as fuck
Tommaso Ciampa - n; again, him and gargano are pretty damn great together
Tony Nese - y; he’s gotten cuter since he grew his hair out. he wasn’t that cute when he was in Monster Express. He looks like YOSSINO now with the Tarzan hair :33
Tyson Dux - n; he’s got a pretty sweet beard tho
Zack Sabre Jr - n; he’s not my favorite, but he should be in more pk battles with shibby
Thanks for the message. My grammar is all over the place because it’s late here. D:
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For the week of 10 December 2018
Quick Bits:
Astonisher #13 adds Ryan O’Sullivan to the writer’s chair alongside Priest as this arc takes an interesting turn. The idea of the red parasite that’s been haranguing the planet since the first issue being fractured and confused pretty much turns the first twelve issues upside down if it’s indeed true. Great art from Al Barrionuevo, Rodney Ramos, Matt Banning, and Jamie Grant.
| Published by Lion Forge / Catalyst Prime
Avengers #11 takes a very different approach than the first ten issues or so as Jason Aaron throws more plot developments at us than Ursus Major hurls insults. It’s interesting as it works through the building problems with the US government, attempts at building a coalition of nations assisting the Avengers, Thor and Jennifer Walters’ date, and the surprise heel turn of a once deceased SHIELD agent. All with wonderful art from Ed McGuinness, Cory Smith, Mark Morales, Scott Hanna, Karl Kesel, and Erick Arciniega.
| Published by Marvel
Batman Annual #3 features a very sweet story from Tom Taylor, Otto Schmidt, and Troy Peteri that focuses on Alfred and all that he sacrifices and takes on himself in order to ensure Bruce can continue in his chosen vocation. The art from Schmidt is perfect and the heart and soul, complete with some very nice humour, that Taylor instills in the dialogue and narration are a very welcome change of pace from some of the grim and gritty takes on Batman. I think we need more Batman stories like this.
| Published by DC Comics
The Batman Who Laughs #1 is an interesting counterpoint to the Batman Annual, with a tale of body trafficking, alternate Batmen, and death from Scott Snyder, Jock, David Baron, and Sal Cipriano. It’s dour, bleak, and even more violent, even with corny insurance jokes. I can’t say it’s bad, though, the mystery is interesting, the art is wonderful, and there’s one hell of a cliffhanger, but it is dark.
| Published by DC Comics
Bitter Root #2 features some amazing artwork from Sanford Greene and Rico Renzi. The designs for the monsters, Jinoo or otherwise, are amazing and the feel of the colours, purples and greens, just bathe the story in an otherworldly glow.
| Published by Image
Black Panther #7 begins Book 2, “The Gathering of My Name”, with Kev Walker and Stéphane Paitreau joining Ta-Nehisi Coates and Joe Sabino to provide the art for this story. It’s a little more focused than the first arc, delivering a solid plan for the rebels to reclaim their identities.
| Published by Marvel
Captain Ginger #2 keeps things purring along as the Captain and Ramscoop leave off to follow a signal that they hope will bring them to another ship of cats. Then everything goes to hell aboard the mothership. Love the artwork from June Brigham, Roy Richardson, and Veronica Gandini. There’s also the usual prose pieces and a Hashtag: Danger back-up comic to round out the issue. “Company Policy Regarding Eel” from Mark Russell with a spot illustration from Ryan Kelly is particularly humorous.
| Published by Ahoy
Champions #27 concludes the Weirdworld arc and this volume of the series with the power of friendship. It’s actually a pretty good character arc for the former Nova and some neat stuff you wouldn’t necessarily have expected from Viv. Amazing art and designs from Max Dunbar and Nolan Woodard.
| Published by Marvel
Daughters of the Dragon #2 continues this digital original with a slightly different approach from the others, presenting an overarching story, but within that Jed MacKay is breaking it down into discrete two-part arcs. It works fairly well, giving some very entertaining action stories. The art for these two parts is handled by Joey Vasquez, Craig Yeung, Rain Beredo, and Jordan Gibson and it looks pretty good. There’s some really nice composition in the final confrontation.
| Published by Marvel
Dead Kings #2 is not quite as immediately bleak as Crude was, but it’s pretty close, with Steve Orlando revisiting some similar themes of regret and responsibility in Russia here. This is obviously more fantastical, blending fable and technology in a post-apocalyptic Thrice-Nine, with wonderfully dark art from Matthew Dow Smith and Lauren Affe to bring life to this slowly dying world.
| Published by AfterShock
Detective Comics #994 begins “Mythology” from the new creative team of Peter J. Tomasi, Doug Mahnke, Jaime Mendoza, David Baron, and Rob Leigh and it’s pretty damn good. It feels great to actually see some detective work in Detective Comics and the mystery of why someone would go to the lengths to stage a pair of murder victims to look like Bruce’s parents is intriguing. The art from Mahnke, Mendoza, and Baron is also wonderful. Mahnke’s style is actually fairly restrained here compared to what I’ve been used to, which when combined with this particular blue from Baron, reminds me more of the Batman of yesteryear and the works of Neal Adams, Jim Aparo, Norm Breyfogle, Marshall Rogers.
| Published by DC Comics
Doctor Strange: The Best Defense #1 continues this very interesting crossover event. Gerry Duggan, Greg Smallwood, and Cory Petit deliver a wonderful “Old Sorcerer Stephen” or “Doctor Strange: The End” type tale with Strange being almost the sole wanderer in a world where Dormammu and his spawn have conquered the Earth. It’s bleak, horrifying, and beautifully illustrated by Smallwood. It’s also interesting in how it ultimately dovetails the rest of the event. Although it definitely can be enjoyed on its own, this one gives a couple answers to the broader picture of what’s going on.
| Published by Marvel
Dragon Age: Deception #3 concludes with everyone hating everyone else, more or less, and an interesting revelation about the Magister everyone was so incensed about meeting, killing, and/or stealing from. Interesting new developments regarding the Qunari incursion of Tevinter as well. Great art from Fernando Heinz Furukawa and Michael Atiyeh.
| Published by Dark Horse
Electric Warriors #2 gets into the battles between warriors and the mechanics of those battles, what transfers to whom depending on challenge, as an alternate to war. It’s interesting enough on the surface, but Steve Orlando definitely seems to be building something bigger. Great art again from Travel Foreman and Hi-Fi. The designs for the characters are truly amazing.
| Published by DC Comics
The Empty Man #2 pushes the insanity caused by the disease even further. I’m not sure what’s more horrifying, the actions caused by the effects of the disease or the cult popping up around it. Cullen Bunn, Jesús Hervás, Niko Guardia, and Ed Dukeshire are delivering a fairly visceral, thoroughly brutal, horror tale here.
| Published by BOOM! Studios
Fearscape #3 endeavours to make you hate the series protagonist, Henry Henry, even more than you already probably do with heinous act after heinous act. It is incredible as to how thoroughly unlikable Ryan O’Sullivan has managed to make him that at this point you kind of just want to see him torn apart by pedantic, pretentious literary critics literally.
| Published by Vault
The Flash #60 gives us more details on Fuerza, the new Strength Force user, and her plight against a corrupt police force in Corto Maltese. Joshua Williamson is definitely making these new characters interestingly complicated while Flash tries to understand the new forces. Great art from Rafa Sandoval, Jordi Tarragona, Tomeu Morey, and Hi-Fi.
| Published by DC Comics
Hawkman #7 brings Hawkman a new origin, and a new reason for being, from Robert Venditti, Bryan Hitch, Andrew Currie, Jeremiah Skipper, and Richard Starkings & Comicraft. This new origin nicely builds on Hawkman’s complicated legacy, not invalidating anything, but enhancing why he keeps being reborn in different places, different eras, and gives him a purpose that’s often been lacking in some of his reboots. Great work.
| Published by DC Comics
Hellboy Winter Special 2018 has a trio of tales, each of them spotlighting a different era. The first is a wonderful traditional Hellboy short from Mike Mignola, Ben Stenbeck, and Dave Stewart of a seance gone horribly wrong as they also seem to. The second builds on the vampire mythology from the BPRD: 1946-1948 series amidst superstitious villagers fearing for their crops from Gabriel Bá, Fábio Moon, and Dave Stewart. And finally a Lobster Johnson tale from Tonči Zonjić of criminals trying to pass off their handiwork as the Claw of Justice. All three stories are very well done, gorgeous art all throughout.
| Published by Dark Horse
Infinite Dark #3 reveals the plans, more or less, that Alvin and Kirin put in place to destroy the station. It’s terrifying, and its source possibly more so. It does kind of make me wonder why people are being driven mad at its reality, though.
| Published by Image / Top Cow
Infinity Wars: Ghost Panther #2 concludes this mini, the last of the Infinity Warps. Absolutely stunning artwork from Jefte Palo and Jim Campbell.
| Published by Marvel
Justice League Dark #6 concludes the Myrra arc as James Tynion IV waxes philosophically through Bobo and Diana about guilt and responsibility, even as the nightmares at the gate get even closer elsewhere. The art from Daniel Sampere, Juan Albarran, and Adriano Lucas is really damn good.
| Published by DC Comics
Magic: The Gathering - Chandra #1 features some very impressive art from Harvey Tolibao, Joana Lafuente, and Tristan Jurolan. Nice detail, character designs, and beautiful colours.
| Published by IDW
The Magic Order #5 delivers one hell of a twist in this penultimate chapter. Also, very inventive methods of torture. Drop dead gorgeous artwork from Olivier Coipel and Dave Stewart.
| Published by Image
Miles Morales: Spider-Man #1 is a great debut from Saladin Ahmed, Javier Garrón, David Curiel, and Cory Petit. This first issue mainly gets us back up to speed on Miles’ life and supporting cast, introducing and reintroducing the characters and his connections, largely giving narration through his journal, integrating an exercise from his classes to convey the narrative. We get a robbery and a confrontation with the Rhino that sets up the hook for a larger plot and mystery. The art from Garrón and Curiel is gorgeous.
| Published by Marvel
Oblivion Song #10 is insane. Another bit of Philadelphia has been popped off into Oblivion by the less stable of the Cole brothers and this issue is the resulting chaos. I’m still very impressed with how Robert Kirkman, Lorenzo De Felici, Annalisa Leoni, and Rus Wooton are constantly throwing this book into upheaval, with practically every issue giving a new revelation or upending the status quo. This is just great.
| Published by Image / Skybound
Outer Darkness #2 follows up an entertaining first issue with an outstanding second issue, introducing us to much of the crew and more explicitly the types of horrors that they’re going to encounter in space. John Layman, Afu Chan, and Pat Brosseau have something fairly unique here, with the humour just putting it over the top.
| Published by Image / Skybound
Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #313 brings this battle with Morlun to an end and with it this series. It’s been a decent tie-in to Spider-Geddon from Sean Ryan, Juan Frigeri, Jason Keith, and Travis Lanham, but it is basically a three issue fight scene designed to keep Peter away from the main plot of the event.
| Published by Marvel
Red Sonja Holiday Special has a fairly entertaining lead story of Sonja learning about Christmas and then becoming embroiled in some weird witness shakedown from Amy Chu, Erik Burnham, Ricardo Jamie, Omi Remalante Jr., and Taylor Esposito. There’s also a classic reprint story from Roy Thomas, Frank Thorne, and Mike Kelleher.
| Published by Dynamite
Redlands #9 continues this arc’s structure of beginning with a flashback, this time giving us a hint of what Casper did before he was indentured to the sisters. This one’s a little light on pushing the narrative ahead very far, but very high on building more atmosphere, and developing a potential new problem for Laurent.
| Published by Image
Shadowman #10 has some really great art from Renato Guedes, Eric Battle, and Ulises Arreola. The trade off of sequences for Jack’s confrontation with Sandria Darque and then the flashbacks between Guedes and Battle is very nice, giving a unique feel to both.
| Published by Valiant
Silver Surfer: The Best Defense #1 has some oblique ties to the rest of “The Best Defense” crossover, mentioning whatever this “train” is, but like the others of these first four parts features a largely independent character study. Jason Latour and Clayton Cowles present a twist on a traditional Silver Surfer morality tale by making it a game between the Surfer and Galactus. Beautifully illustrated, tapping into some of the weirdness of Marvel’s cosmic.
| Published by Marvel
Spider-Gwen: Ghost Spider #3 has Gwen and MJ work out where the Green Goblin’s hideout is with the assistance of this world’s Glory and Betty. This has been an interesting first arc and tie-in to Spider-Geddon from Seanan McGuire, Rosi Kämpe, Ian Herring, and Clayton Cowles.
| Published by Marvel
Star Trek: Waypoint Special #1 is more than worth it just for “My Human is Not” by Jackson Lanzing, Collin Kelly, Sonny Liew, and Neil Uyetake. It’s an adorable story from the point of view of Spot, beautifully illustrated by Liew. The other three stories in this special also aren’t too shabby, but you’ll want to buy this one for the tabby.
| Published by IDW
Star Wars: Age of Republic - Darth Maul #1 continues this series of one-shots with a spotlight on everyone’s favourite horny Sith Lord from Jody Houser, Luke Ross, Java Tartaglia, and Travis Lanham. The art from Ross and Tartaglia is wonderful. The layouts for many of the action sequences are particularly impressive, knocking things off-kilter to evoke the kind of chaotic fighting style of Maul.
| Published by Marvel
Supergirl #25 goes home to Krypton in the lead story from Marc Andreyko, Emanuela Lupacchino, Ray McCarthy, Lan Medina, Sean Parsons, FCO Plascencia, and Tom Napolitano. It takes Kara’s quest into another different direction, adding another possible impediment in finding everyone and everything that aided in the destruction of Krypton. There are also a couple of back-ups, one fleshing out Dr. Z’ndr Kol and the other a sweet Christmas story.
| Published by DC Comics
Superman #6 has some absolutely stunning spreads from Ivan Reis, Joe Prado, Oclair Albert, and Alex Sinclair. The battle between Rogol Zaar and Superman & Zod is incredible, probably some of the best pages I’ve ever seen from Reis. The narration by Superman from Brian Michael Bendis is also interesting as he waxes philosophical about his speed and fighting side by side with Zod. What is less magical is the ending. Superman leaving Zod, even with pressing concerns elsewhere, feels wrong. I don’t know if it’s intentionally a bad decision on Superman’s part that will be addressed, or if it’s just a bad decision from Bendis. It just doesn’t feel like what Superman would do. Otherwise, this is a pretty great issue.
| Published by DC Comics
Titans #31 adds Kyle Rayner to the team as Donna Troy officially takes the lead and a number of the simmering sub-plots converge to kick off a new adventure. Great art from Clayton Henry, Brent Peeples, Dexter Vines, and Marcelo Maiolo.
| Published by DC Comics
Vampirella vs. Reanimator #1 is a damn good start to this mini from Cullen Bunn, Blacky Shepherd, and Taylor Esposito. The art from Shepherd is very impressive. I love the choice to present the story almost entirely in grey tones with spot colours for red and a little bit of sickly yellow, it really makes the art stand out.
| Published by Dynamite
William Gibson’s Alien 3 #2 continues this excellent adaptation of Gibson’s unproduced screenplay by Johnnie Christmas, Tamra Bonvillain, and Nate Piekos. The political aspect and veritable cold war are very interesting additions to the Alien lore.
| Published by Dark Horse
Wonder Woman #60 turns the screw a bit with some unexpected developments for Ares. I’m really liking the art from Cary Nord, Mick Gray, and Romulo Fajardo Jr. While definitely partially the influence of Gray’s inking, Nord’s presenting a somewhat looser, more angular style that reminds me a bit of Frank Miller and Phil Hester which really works for the chaotic and bellicose story.
| Published by DC Comics
Other Highlights: Accell #16, Amazing Spider-Man #11, Animosity: Evolution #9, Asgardians of the Galaxy #4, Auntie Agatha’s Home for Wayward Rabbits #2, Battlestar Galactica Classic #2, Birthright #34, Black Hammer: Cthu-Louise, The Black Order #2, By Night #6, Cemetery Beach #4, DuckTales #14, Elephantmen 2261 Holiday Special, Fantastic Four Wedding Special #1, From Hell Master Edition #2, Giant Days #45, Go Go Power Rangers #15, God of War #2, Goddess Mode #1, Head Lopper #10, Hit-Girl #11, House of Whispers #4, James Bond: Origin #4, Jim Henson’s Beneath the Dark Crystal #5, Joe Golem: The Drowning City #4, The Lone Ranger #3, Mage: The Hero Denied #14, Murder Falcon #3, New Talent Showcase 2018 #1, Patience! Conviction! Revenge! #4, Planet of the Apes: The Simian Age #1, The Quantum Age #5, Red Sonja/Tarzan #6, Rose #15, Sasquatch Detective #1, Sleepless #10, Smooth Criminals #2, Spider-Force #3, Spider-Girls #3, Star Wars: Doctor Aphra #27, Star Wars: Han Solo - Imperial Cadet #1, TMNT: Macro-Series #4: Raphael, Typhoid Fever: Iron Fist #1, The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #39, The Unstoppable Wasp #3, Vampironica #5, War Bears #3, The Wasted Space Holiday Special #1
Recommended Collections: Amazing Spider-Man - Volume 9, Black Crown Omnibus - Volume 1, Blackwood, Britannia - Volume 3: Lost Eagles of Rome, Cloak and Dagger: Shades of Grey, Curse of Brimstone - Volume 1: Inferno, Fear Agent: Final Edition - Volume 4, Giant Days: Early Registration, Go Go Power Rangers - Volume 2, Hillbilly - Volume 3, Ice Cream Man - Volume 2: Strange Neapolitan, Judge Dredd: Under Siege, Scarlet - Book 2, Star Wars - Volume 9: Hope Dies
d. emerson eddy would like to take a moment to finally admit...”I’m Batman”.
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Text
King Takes Knight (Part 5)
Shawn gets just what he hoped for.
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
(TW: Torture, captivity, ‘nails’)
This was a glorious day. Victory Day. Maybe he’ll make it a national holiday to commemorate the occasion. Every employee will have a microsecond less work to do than usual. He can be generous like that.
Shawn watches from the stage as a Bad Janet enters, bending the arm of that pesky mutated Good Janet in front of her as she marches her down the steps. Behind them are some generic demon guards who he will have to learn the names of, if only so he can reward them for grabbing a human each between them. The four irritating losers who are behind this whole mess.
He can’t help but laugh! How stupid can they be to have all come at once? Now there’s no one left to run their ridiculous experiment.
“Good evening, dickweeds!” He greets them cheerily, amused by the defeated looks on all of their faces - though Mendoza looks as gormless as ever; “So glad you could attend the show.”
“Oooh, what show? Is it Shrek the Musical?” Jason asks, lifting his chin up.
The large guard holding him gives his arm a painful tug, making the dumbass yelp like a cat with its tail caught in the door.
“I’m afraid not. But I’ll definitely be keen on making you sing soprano when I have them saw your balls off.” He gloats.
With a wave of his hand, he instructs the guards to walk the four of them forward, up the steps, and then force them to their knees at the front of the stage. The Bad Janet struts to stand next to him and Shawn allows her to give him a low five at his side in celebration.
Not that it took much effort.
“I applaud you for trying. But that really was a pathetic attempt to save Michael. You really thought we wouldn’t have Molotov-proofed the doors after last time?”
Tahani turns to tut at Jason; “Told you!”
“Well I told you guys it was a trap but none of you listened!” Eleanor hisses.
Oh, this is wonderful. He would be happy to simply lock them in a room and watch them blame and scrap with each other, just as Michael originally intended, rather than all this wholesome chummy crap that ended up happening. How ironic.
“Such a shame that Chidi couldn’t be here to join you all. I guess he’s busy getting all loved up with his fellow nerd Simone, right Eleanor?”
He grins as that hits a nerve and Shellstrop darts forward, looking to go for him, before the guard grabs her hair and yanks her back down.
“Don’t worry. I have to keep my word to the Judge, after all. So I’ll be happy to let the experiment carry on, with Chidi and the others under the ‘safe’ guardianship of my employees wearing your skin suits.” He taunts them, “They won’t even notice you’re gone...especially as they will, literally, be the same skin torn from your bodies!”
“You twisted wanker.” Tahani glares at him, the British brat suddenly baring fangs; “Where is Michael?!”
“Y’know, she’s so right...Michael should be here to watch us slowly slice that fat skin off of them, shouldn’t he.” Bad Janet sways her hips, looking knowingly to Shawn with that glint in her eye; “Want me to go fetch him and give him the front row seat?”
This Bad Janet must not have got the memo.
“Oh I wasn’t foolish enough to have Michael be here. I just needed these filthy rats to think that’s where he was by the video.” He brags, watching the shock quickly drain the anger on their faces into hopelessness; “I had Michael moved a nice, cosy location far, far away. You weren’t even close to getting to him, idiots!”
“FUCK!” Eleanor swears, not even looking as though she can enjoy the opportunity to curse; “I told you all, it was too easy!!”
“No biggie.” Bad Janet rolls her eyes; “I can still stream him the footage to wherever that dingus is, can’t I? I sooo want him to see us cut Tahani’s hair into an uneven bob.”
“No! No! NOOOO!” The wannabe princess screams until the guard gives her a slap.
The Bad Janet has a point though. It wouldn’t be worth torturing Michael’s precious humans unless he was there to watch it, even if the plan with the Michael-suit fell through. Damn Vicky and Glenn both being blown up meant he had no duplicate to use, especially as he forgot to share the design with other skinsuit manufacturers (shut up, Glenn!).
He’s certain there is very little of Michael’s awareness left after how much they’ve inflicted on him over the past few...well, it was only a handful of months but, thanks to Jeremy Bearimy, he’s endured a lifetimes worth of restraints, freezing, impalement, whipping, electrocuting, bad Adam Sandler movies, and soo much worse. There had been a time when he’d looked into those blue eyes and seen so much raw hatred. Now, whenever he took a glance at his wretch of a former employee, the light was flickering out, as if he’s conscious of nothing except the constant pain and loneliness.
Just like the humans he adores so much that end up here, where they belong. Because they’re terrible and that’s all that needs to be known. He should have left well enough alone.
At least now, finally, Shawn gets to have some entertainment.
“You’re right, Bad Janet. Set up a connection to the Tenth Circle, Sector B. I left one Bad Janet on duty there with Nicole who’s currently ‘taking care’ of Michael. And by that I mean making him very miserable.” Just in case the humans are too dumb to get the expression.
Bad Janet texts on her phone, popping another piece of gum.
“Tenth Circle...Sector B....Got it.” She raises her head, an oddly pleasant smile spreading across it, eyes suddenly bright and pleasant; “Thanks for that!”
“What-?”
The not-so-Bad Janet karate chops him in the side of the head and knocks him to the floor. He hears her make a shout, the theatre spinning around him, unable to find his feet quick enough before the humans get to their feet and surround him.
Shawn blinks, rapidly, as they proceed to take out some rope and tie his wrists and ankles together.
“What is the meaning of this?! GUARDS! DON’T JUST STAND THERE! GET THESE STINKING HUMANS OFF OF ME!” He rages, trying his best to break out of their puny hold but they’re, for some reason, freakishly strong.
The Bad Janet continues to smile at him.
“Oh they’re not your guards...and these aren’t the humans. You were being so smug that you didn’t see what’s right in front of you, did you?” She says.
Shawn frowns. What is she talking about?!
He glances up at Tahani leaning over his head, trying to spot the....Oh. Farts.
They’ve fooled him again. That’s no Bad Janet. And these humans have no auras. They don’t even smell! They’re the same as her. They’re...
“Meet my Janet Babies. I produced a bunch more to come with me. We just needed to know where Michael was really being kept and now we do. And I’ve forwarded that to our Team Two so, thanks!”
She gives Shawn a kick in the teeth before her group stand back at her command.
He spits, wriggling, bound and prone on the wooden floor.
The fake Jason stuffs a green stress ball into his mouth to gag him before all of them leave him there, muffled curses being hurled at them, before they lock the door and leave him in the empty theatre. He fucking hates Good Janets!
*
*
*
She likes to use the metal hooks to dig into his flesh and give them a tug, eager to get a reaction out of him despite his near frozen state. Every now and then she’ll manage to hit somewhere extra tender and a whimper will break out of his lips.
She has a schoolgirl's giggle.
“This is like ice fishing. And you’re my big piece of frozen shrimp.” She teases him as they sit in the inside of a giant glacier.
She doesn’t seem to be affected by the code, only wearing a pink slip dress. There’s not even any goosebumps on the arms of her suit..
The new one they’ve left with him is one he hasn’t seen before. She seems new to torture, possibly even new to the slim skinsuit she’s been given, still fascinated by the way her own fingers move. The way she caresses his face and sticks her tongue out makes him suspect she’s some kind of giant leech monster. The kind they used to let suck humans brains out with straws. Or cut their skulls open and lick them out like a kid with a bowl of cake mix.
Definitely not a fire squid, whatever she was.
“I bet Shawn’s almost finished making your buddies feel at home here. If you’re really good to me, Mikey...I might ask him to bring you their heads as a treat.” Nicole, as she said was her name, informs him.
He’s beyond attempting to beg for them to be left alone anymore. He’s beyond expecting any sort of mercy.
Everything he had tried for so long....everything he had hoped to avoid.
All of his efforts for the past few years were for nothing.
I’m sorry, I’m so sorry... He thinks as more tiny crystallised tears sting from the corners of his eyes.
A loud bang outside makes him start.
Nicole turns to the Bad Janet at the door; “What was that? Go check on it, will you!” she orders like a spoiled brat to her butler.
The Bad Janet rolls her eyes, flipping the bird and then doing as she’s told.
Nicole turns back to kneel in front of Michael.
He tries to escape into his hallucinations but she wants his focus on her. Her hand grips his cheek and squeezes tight.
“I dunno what you did to get the Boss to hate you so much, I don’t really give a toss about current affairs...But m’just glad I get this as my first job! Punishing a dirty traitor...” She runs the tip of an ice pick up his face, towards his nostril; “...And all the other dirty things I hear about you...My mate Kath said you had the hots for one of them humans...You creeps should keep that fetish on the internet where it belongs! Look where it’s got you now...”
She takes a small hammer out from her pocket and puts it to the bottom of the ice pick, shoving it up Michael’s nose.
“I wish you had a brain in there so this could get the same effect it does with those creatures...But the simulation is good enough.”
He wishes he could laugh through the binding in his lips. He wishes that her wish could come true. Give him a lobotomy? Take away his memories of constant failure? Make him oblivious to how he’d loved for nothing and lost everything? She would be doing him the greatest favour.
As it is, he’ll just sit there and take the pain of a nail through his fake skull. He’ll let her have her fix until she gets her reprieve and he’s left alone to his own personal inner torment. His guilt. His regrets.
Just let go, Michael. Just...forget.
Nicole leans in close, ready to fiercely tap; “Hold still. This will only hurt a-.”
She doesn’t get a chance to finish her taunting before her skin suit explodes, sending a wave of pink goo across Michael’s face.
He blinks. Something happened.
The ice pick and the hammer clatter to the floor.
Wha...
Eleanor Shellstrop stands at the door, clutching a Bad Janet marble in one hand, pointing Janet’s demon exploder in the other.
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