#damn it my beautiful princess with a disorder

[oceanwithouthermoon]

currently thinking about unreliable narrator saiki kusuo, and the fact that if the manga was written from anyone else's perspective then everyone would see him as a tsundere stalker, borderline yandere..

[turtleducsk]

rin study i initially just wanted to draw her scars tbh, but yeaaaa im still playing around with her features and her skin tone and hair style and everything else...shes so fun to draw so im enjoying the process :D

[zushimart]

hi idk if this is a weird ask or not bc im half asleep but i just wanted to say that i started following u on my old blog in late 2022 like maybe december and your posts about bpd scara made me feel so seen. i wasn't diagnosed then but it was recently on the table as a diagnosis for me all of a sudden and it was terrifying because i feel like pwbpd are demonized and hated everywhere i look. and just like scrolling thru ur bpd scara tag was like looking at a diary of my own mind or smth. so it was really new to me to see someone talk about borderline as something that brings love and pain into our lives and not just as some scary evil-people diagnosis. like ur definitely my fav writer on this app by far but also u make me feel really validated in my emotions i guess? wow idk sorry like i actually have no idea how to describe it but hopefully u can read minds ‼️ 🤞 i have since been diagnosed with bpd with a criteria score of 9/9 so 😳 idk where id be rn in september 2023 if i hadn't sort of started to learn to love myself from your writings exploring a character. so yea this is probably a strange ask so feel free to ignore it. also im going on anon bc im scared of interacting w ppl. ALSO U R SO FUNNY ND YOUR HUMOR/RANDOM FUNNY TAGS FEEL SO SIMILAR TO MY INTERNAL MONOLOGUE

this is such an open & genuine thing to say to me . i like had to sit with it for a second because it was so .. idk like how to communicate it . my devaluation of ths blog is pretty frequent, treating it sort of like a big boy version of the 2000s children’s diaries with locks.. my thoughts tossed in here nd piled nd piled nd piled, endlessly messy. nd it objectively is a writing blog , like yeah, on a surface level, i own& maintain a writing blog, but i would never tell people that. when people ask my hobbies i always say writing & ill show them my poetry pieces but i never tell them i have a blog because im kind of embarrassed by the very seriously delusional self indulgence i pour into this thing . but then i hear about.. like, for ex. we learned ab and have to maintain our own commonplace book in class, which is essentially where people collected anything and everything they felt needed to be archived from their day and tucked it into the pages of a journal . like how thomas jefferson’s commonplace book will have his serious philosophical & political ramblings side by side a recipe for cornbread because it was just a place to put everything big & small . the practical & the theoretical. just, whatever Means something to u. and leisure, indulgence, pleasure r concepts just as important as virtues imo. anyway i say all this to say that what u said to me makes me want to treat everything better, even this place. it like, makes me feel really proud of my writing& analyses that i might normally b quick to label as inconsequential or childlike because im scared people will think i care too much about something so culturally insignificant. but i do care!! obviously!! a lot. i was like kind of bummed today for a number of reasons frm feeling a bit isolated to feeling like living out my principles& ideals (connecting w community, peer centered thinking etc etc) is almost impossible because im sooo freaking shitty at social convention. so when u sent this in & i read it, it was almost like when ur spacing out nd someone snaps 🫰🫰 in front of ur face to get ur attn. so busy trying 2 b significant to someone to realize that u Already are significant in a myriad of little ways. that it’s not something u search for or insert urself into but rather an inevitable outcome of existing. Anyway . not to b sentimental but i wanted 2 b as candid with u because i really did think it was sweet of u to share & im really happy that i was able 2 positively shape & support a little space of ur life because really thats all i ever want to do. Soooooooooo if ur ask was weird then my response is even weirder. Handwritten thank u:

[cupiidk1lls]

⋆ ｡ ° 𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐃!!! ☆ ۪ ⋆

based on my bot : “nerd!!!”

summary : meangirl!reader defends nerd!matt from the whole frat when they make fun of him. why?

this is long as shit. you’re welcome.

W A R N I N G : bitchy!reader, shy!matt / perv!matt, swearing, suggestive words.

matts fork twists through his food, a settled grimace on his face as he lets out a sigh. he looks around, the sound of laughter and chatter almost damn near deafening him. god, why were people so loud for no reason? or maybe that’s just him being grumpy, he supposes. it’s not like he has anyone to be loud and obnoxious with anyway, considering hes a huge loner - and he knows it, hes well aware of his social skills, well, lack thereof. he doesnt mind it, either. if anything, he prefers being antisocial. saves himself from being dragged into unnecessary drama and having peoples noses in his business.

and his anxiety disorder doesnt help with that matter at all, he always finds himself to be strayed away. and the bullies? that makes his daily struggle with socialising a whole lot worse, completely.

but you're the exact opposite. you will die if you dont socialise with anyone for 5 minutes, you always have to be yapping someones ear off, whether that be in a mean way or just in general. you're the life of the party, a wild card, a total smokeshow. matt always thought you were beautiful, despite being the bitchiest bitch of the whole entire school - because you definetley are the biggest bitch ever. but.. ugh, he doesnt know, he kinda.. likes it? he finds it endearing, the way you have so much confidence and so much sass. its admiring, as much as it is hot as fuck.

especially the way you handle yourself so independently, you dont take any type of bullshit and its obvious. the way you walk around the halls like a damn catwalk, the way everyone makes way just for you, the looks of either envy or judgement. you dont care, whereas he stresses out if someone merely glances at him for more than two seconds.

but god, you're just so fucking beautiful. you're ethereal. especially when you wear pink - that always gets his imagination running, even more so gets him going. are your panties pink under that little skirt? do you wear pink everything underneath your pretty princess-pink clothes? he cant help but wonder how pink underwear looks on you, how the lace looks sat right on your hips. mhm, hes thought about that many, many times. more times than he’d like to admit. he’s done more than just think about it, for sure—

matt snaps out of his trance, his fork dropping into his food as an aggressive hand collides with his shoulder, making him flinch involuntarily, twisting his body instinctively in order to see who did it. and of course, he's not shocked to see the whole fraternity group surround him, the leaders hand on matts shoulder. matt sighs, looking away then back up at the leader, kai. "can y'not.. touch me?" matt murmurs, carefully taking kai's hand off his shoulder, shifting aside a little bit.

kai scoffs out a laugh, letting matt push his hand off, not before teasingly ruffling his hair, making the other ones chuckle in harmony. "sorry, matty. tripped," he comments, though the mischievous smirk on his face says otherwise. "what'cha doin' by yourself, anyway, hm?" he says, leaning over his shoulder to see his face, obnoxiously close. when matts about to speak, kai cuts him off with another chuckle. "ah, mhm, thats right. you dont have anyone to sit with. forgot." the others laugh, making matt roll his eyes, but he cant help but feel so small. his mom told him to ignore bullies, but he knows thats easier said then done. he found that out the hard way.

“just.. just leave me alone.." matt speaks, a tinge of harshness in his tone, making them chuckle harder. “oh.. oh guys, d’ya think we made lil’ matty here abit mad?” kai mocks, as another frat boy leans close to matt, “what’cha gonna do matt, huh? go to y’mommy? gonna go cry like the pussy you are?” they all chuckle at the insult, clearly finding themselves the most hilarious people on the planet.

a few people laugh at the scene, but all laughter dies down, the rowdiness of the cafeteria banishing into silence, ever so suddenly that matt didn’t even pick it up. all the frat boys slowly look up, their curiosity and confusion peaked. but their faces seem to pale when they recognise the presence that stands before them. you, the ‘queen B’ of the whole entire school. and, kai’s ex. oh shit.

“what’dya think you’re doing?” you speak, to anyone in the frat in particular, as you shift a hand onto your hip, your other hand holding your food tray. the familiar voice causes matt to look up, his face going red in time with the frat. why are you, out of all people, defending him? do you even have the time for a loser like him? do you even know his name? so many questions fill his mind, as his eyes widen comically.

“i.. i uh..” kai attempts to speak, but you shake your head and hold up your hand, signalling that you’re not done talking. and oh, does he shut up. matt almost snorts at the change of his behaviour, how he went from such a loud-mouthed asshole to such a submissive little puppy in seconds. but hey, matt can’t exactly talk, can he? “nonono, why are you making fun of my friend, matt?” you taunt, narrowing your eyes as you lean your head abit more closer to the group. friend? what? matts ears perk up, again.

matt sighs to himself, his chest rising up then down slowly, not looking away from you, not wanting too. he’s happy looking at you all day long, he would take that chance if he could. he’d let you boss him around like he’s your dog, he’d let you stomp on him with those big heels you wear. he’d let you do absolutely anything too him. and he’s so turned on at the way you shut down the frat leader like that, as if he’s just some useless little boy that’s ready to be at your beck and call 24/7.

“.. i.. i wasn’t! i totally.. totally wasn’t doin’ anyth!—“ you groan exaggeratedly, the way he’s pulling on your leg is pissing you off. “right! right, just, just go. jesus christ.” you huff, clearly having enough of this conversation as you put your food tray infront of matt, making him flinch at the loud sound of the tray hitting the table. you step over the bench, your hands keeping your skirt down. and when you were just about to sit, you look at kai and the rest of them, noticing they still haven’t moved. “shoo?” you add impatiently, waving your hand as if your batting a pesty fly away, causing them to bolt, shaking in their boots.

you sigh dramatically as you finally sit down, as casual as ever, finally making eye contact with matt as you pick up your milkshake and take a sip, matt watches as your pretty lips make contact with the straw. the sight makes him harden, feeling his dick twitch and stir in his now constricted denim jeans ever so subtly, causing him to have too cross his legs and lean back a little in order to get space. he looks away for a split second and huffs through his nose to calm himself down, then he looks back at you. “umn.. thanks.. for all tha—“

“whats your name?” you cut him off. wow, you’ve got a thing for that, haven’t you? that’s fine with matt, he.. supposes. “.. matthew—matt. well— matt. no-one calls me matthew.” he stammers with a nervous chuckle, bringing up a hand to rub at the nape of his neck twitchily, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he looks into your eyes, his eyes darting to each one of yours, unable to settle on just one. “..’s just matt. sturniolo.”

your chuckle makes his ears perk up, his eyes now darting to your lips, as your pearly whites are revealed in sync with your pretty smile. “matthew matt sturniolo. noted.” you tilt your head to the side, causing him to automatically do the same. you’ve seen matt around school, just never talked to him. never really had a point. “you’re cute, y’know that?”

your blunt comment causes him to almost choke on his spit. he blinks, a red tint crawling up his neck onto his cheeks, as he looks away then back at you. cute? nobody’s called him that. he’s only been called handsome, by his mom. “cute..? me? i.. i don’t think so.” he lets out a chuckle, his hand trailing upto the back of his neck again, a nervous habit of his. “you’re.. you’re really..” he swallows, looking away when you sip out of that damn straw again, trying to get the explicit images out of his head, immediately. “pretty. you’re real pretty.” he blurts out, before he can stop himself, his mouth left slightly open as he comes to realisation on what he just said, his cheeks flushing a tomato-red, even more than beforehand.

you swallow the sip and smile, his shy demeanour almost amusing, yet you’re so hooked. you want to know how embarrassed you can get him, you want to push him to the limit. but you don’t, you infact embrace it with an open mind and let out a little giggle. “why thankyou, matthew matt.” you subtly flirt, causing him to sigh. you tilt your head again, your curls slightly falling into your face, causing matt’s hand to twitch, resisting the urge to reach out and tuck it behind your ear so he can see your full pretty face.

“anyway.” you interrupt, picking up your food tray as you stand up, your thighs almost in his face. almost. he almost wants to whine, to pull you back down onto the bench, to beg you to stay. but instead, he stays silent, letting you continue to speak. you continue, “im gonna go back to my friends. ‘twas nice talking t’ya.” he smiles back at you, and sits abit upright, feeling way more brighter than he was before you came. he can’t resist the temptation to look you up and down, and he definitely does. twice, for good measure. is that a new skirt?

you chuckle at his ogling, and step over the bench, then you turn around again and smile at him once more, an almost soft smile — which is striking, due to your usual tough behaviour. “don’t be a stranger, sturniolo.” GOD, how are you so good with words!!! he opens his mouth to speak, to say his goodbyes, but your already walking off. a squeak settles at the back of matt’s throat, as he sits a little straighter, watching like a hawk as you walk in that new little skirt, wanting to get a good view of it.

he suddenly catches himself and he waves. at your back, as he was too busy staring at that ass of yours beforehand to even reply in time. “y-yeah.. yea.. i.. b-bye!” he mentally groans at himself in embarrassment, watching as you chuckle and turn around, giving him a little wave, your expensive bracelets hanging off your wrists as it moves.

he cannot fuckin’ wait too tell his brothers about this one.

𝜗𝜚 kami’scupids! : @colorthecosmos444 @pr3ttyf4wn @nickgurl4life @loveparqdise @marrykisskilled @sturniolosiphone @slut4chris888 @tyummyz @caliluvsux @meowmeowmsow @sweetrelieef . . .

# 𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐨 𝐮𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭, 𝐤𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐧. ❤︎︎

# 𝒹ividers cred = @bernardsbendystraws (obv.) # ☆ STAR divider cred = i got it from this post !!

…. another nerd!matt x meangirl!user or…?

[purplekissinger]

deardiarydeardiarydeardiary

Y/N's been acting strange lately. She may contain the urge to run away, but Tom holds her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks.

🎵alt-J - Breezeblocks🎵

TW: manipulation, mental disorder themes. This is a full blown angst.

The cover: smooth, soft, fine leather. It feels nice to run your hand over it and you do it from time to time. Sometimes it feels warm. The corners: gold, darkened with age. They taste slightly salty (yes, you chewed them at some point, let's not talk about that). The paper: rough, thick, slightly yellow, clean pages like muddy water (there should be a bottom somewhere, but it’s not visible). Tom: soothing, gentle, funny, sympathetic, loving, the best, scary, all-knowing, affectionate, scary, witty, did I mention ‘scary’?

“Nothing special happened today,” you wrote and paused, thinking about your next sentence. He will know if you lie, he has proven it too many times. It's better to  switch the topic quickly. “There is a small problem with the task on potions, maybe you can help me?..”.

Sometimes you use ellipses when talking to him. Poke, poke, poke. Writing lacks the timid intonation so you draw it with dots.

Tom doesn't buy it.

“And what was not special that happened today?”

You began to sleep worse and eat less.

‘Y/N, are you okay?’ - asks someone to your right. It takes you a second to realize that you are sitting at a table in the Great Hall and it’s unbearably noisy here. It takes two more seconds to turn your unseeing gaze to the girl on the right (is that Mary? Mary what’shername? Mary MacDonald? Do we know each other? Why is she talking to me? How did I end up here?).

“Yes, everything is great,” you smile weakly. “I’ll just grab something to eat and it will be even better.”

The plate in front of you is empty. Mary's face is distorted by some kind of emotion, and it takes you another three seconds to recognize pity and disgust in it.

“Molly Prewett said I've been weird lately.”

Molly Prewett said she's already seen you in that shirt for several days in a row. Molly Prewett said your eye is twitching. Molly Prewett said you scream at night.

“Molly Prewett? That fat red-haired girl?” - you can almost see his mocking smile through the pages, and you immediately feel better, as if the invisible fingers squeezing your throat have slightly loosened their grip. “Y/N, dear, please don’t say that she actually managed to hurt your feelings. You do realize why she says that, right? You are the most beautiful and the smartest girl in Hogwarts, and this ugly bitch is simply dying of envy. Damn, I'm dying of self-envy. I’m the luckiest bastard ever to know you. It's a pleasure talking with you. You yourself are a pleasure. Of course, she is jealous, the whole of Hogwarts is crazy about you, otherwise they are just blind. Do you have a mirror in your room right now? Come on, look in it. There’s a princess living in your mirror, go check yourself!”

In your mirror lives a princess who has lain in a coffin for a hundred years. Hair tangled, eyes dull, sweater inside out.

You walk along the corridor,  moving your feet mechanically. You won't be able to remember what lesson is next on the schedule even if your life depends on it. Your peripheral vision has gone and all sounds seem to be distant as if there were cotton wool in your ears. Step. Step. Step. Step.

“Tom, this is just wonderful! I struggled over this essay for two hours, and you sorted it out in no time. Wait, don’t remove the solution yet, I’ll copy it…”

“Take your time, honey. I want my best girl to study well.”

Last week, for the first time in your life, you got a Troll in Transfiguration, which you used to love. You simply went to the pulpit and stood there with an absent look for two minutes. After class, professor McGonagall touches your elbow gently.

“Miss L/N, if you feel like you need to talk, I’m always ready to listen to you,” she says almost in a whisper. It's the warmest tone she can muster, but you already have someone always ready to listen.

“y/n sunshine my beloved dear y/n y/n y/n y/n i love you so please don’t go y/n y/n y/n if you have a heart you won’t leave me you're such a kind girl y/n you won't leave me here you'll help me you'll talk to me you'll love me you'll help me i believe y/n y/n y/n you're the best in the world if i find out that you told someone you’re dead dead dead dead dead dead you don’t know what i can do what i’m capable of you can’t escape me you’ll rot in azkaban forever if you tell anyone y/n don’t even think of that y/n you’re my sunshine you open the diary and i can breathe again i breathe you i live by you i will die without you don’t leave me help me i’m begging you i love you so i love you so”.

Choking with sobs, you look at the jumping lines. The pages are wet from your tears.

“What do you want me to do, Tom?”

It’s 3 a.m. You haven't slept for two days. How are you still able to write? How are you still able to think?

“The toilet is on the third floor. Write me when you get there.”

[shiveringgroovy]

Got any RITHOTD headcanons?

YES SIR/MA'AM/ENTITY OF THE SLOP I DO!!!!!! spoiler they're all autistic and i'm gonna project onto fyodor like nobody's business

Fyodor

Class 2 Autism with debilitating executive dysfunction (no i don't take criticism i know damn well that weirdboy can't get shit done. sincerely someone with class 1 autism and debilitating executive dysfunction)

Paranoid Schizophrenia with religious delusions

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

REALLY picky about sensory stimuli

Can't Stand: spicy food, mushy textures, dried mud and paint, velcro, hot environments, having dry hands, overwhelmingly sweet scents/tastes, the smell, texture, and taste of blood

Really Likes: soft/long hair, smooth textures, wood smells, carbonated drinks (listen idk why but i think as soon as shit like monster energy was released he was INSANE)

REALLY loves nature, but doesn't interact with it often

Favorite Animals: Rats, Spiders, Roaches, Tardigrades, Cats

Really poor eyesight, needs glasses but hates having things on his face

Pushkin

Class 1 Autism

ADHD with major executive dysfunction

Major Depressive Disorder

Arthritis

Also really picky about sensory stimuli

Hates loud noises and scraping sounds in specific. wears earplugs/covers his ears with his coat hood to block out some noise

Not a huge nature fan, but likes most rodents and canines

Had a service dog for a while, probably a boxer or a doberman

Uses a cane, but would prefer crutches

Listens to classic rock like a fucking NERD. probably has a last.fm account too. someone introduce him to goreshit

he's my babygirl.

Ivan

Class 2 Autism

Epilepsy

Psychosis

UGGGHGHHHHH I WANT THE BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS WITH SEVERAL DISORDERS SO BAD I'M GONNA [gets crushed by a rock]

World's most normal Throbbing Gristle fan (the band)

Loves nature, especially invertebrates

Favorite Animals: Roaches, Beetles, Isopods, Centipedes

Stims by blinking rapidly, cracking his joints, and throwing rocks around like a cat toy for himself

Stands with his feet crossed and twisted to keep his balance

Often manipulates the ground below him to keep his balance as well, it pisses Pushkin off because he ends up falling

Mushitaro

people seem to forget this guy (was) in the rats blehhhhh (i like him :3)

Class 1 Autism

Owns exotic animals (macaws, old-world tarantulas, axolotls, etc)

Music taste varies. He'll listen to "whatever" but still skip through a ton of songs to get to one he likes

The worst backseat driver of all time

Has trouble regulating his voice volume, normally very loud

Has kept hundreds of diaries, this guy doesn't play about journalling.

Loves brightly-colored things

Hawthorne

Borderline Personality Disorder

Really good at baking and cooking

He literally CANNOT stand up after a fight because fym he intentionally loses that blood????

I'm ngl I was never interested in this guy

Cat and dog lover, hates invertebrates and considers them "dirty"

He's a total lightweight trust me. has one drink and starts sobbing

[artsjuno]

Looking back on Arlo’s relationships with ppl and how he acts I gotta say he’s definitely reminds me of my bpd like damn why do ALL my fav characters have beautiful princess disorder

[lexcat-11]

it’s a late night rambling about life stuff night. tumblrs basically an echo chamber for me so I don’t mind lol.

content warning for discussion of fatphobia & what could be considered disordered eating. stay safe if this does reach anyone at all <3

it’s crazy to me how I, fortunately, was able to grow up with very little internalized homophobia and to have had such positive representation and acceptance primarily on the internet but also irl. I consider myself a very rebellious person who won’t let anyone invalidate me when it comes to stuff like that. I love being a lesbian, I’m not ashamed to be asexual. That’s me and I know I’m valid. I love who I am in that regard.

But god damn on the opposite side of things internalized fatphobia has not nearly been as easy for me. I guess I gained exposure to it so young and so directly it makes sense but it’s everywhereee. Weight loss ads on the tv, not finding clothing sizes in stores or their patterns being carelessly made so they don’t fit, seats in theaters not fitting my legs, the lack of representation, the hatred and immediate association with “ugliness” or “failure” from so many close minded and unkind people, direct bullying even like a month ago.

like when I was in *preschool* I remember daydreaming about the stuff a stereotypical little girl does— princesses, magic, all that, and at five years old, in my own imagination, I’d stop and tell myself “I don’t look like me. I look like another girl who’s prettier because she’s not fat.” FIVE YEARS OLD

I just have so much grief for that little girl and just everyone who might have ever had to go through it. Bodies are treated like trends and so oversexualized and some people would rather wish for someone to harm themself than be unable to sexualize a thin body. And at five years old I didn’t believe I could be pretty unless I lost weight.

Caring so much about it is against my values. I don’t care what society says about my sexuality or interests! But I do care about this. And it sucksssss because why should it matter? What if my healthiest self is the heaviest? What if I don’t work out anymore because it became a form of self-punishment? Why should anyone get to comment on my health??? Why is my body any of your business??? It’s so disgusting not to even mention all of the overlaps with ableism, the impacts it has on the trans community, and fatphobia’s roots stemming from racism. Why is it regarded as so normal? Why are we making five year olds in preschool sitting in a circle on the mat on the floor daydream about being thinner so they could be pretty enough to be part of a story? I’m an adult and I still envy thin people so much. I want to have this confidence boost and wear things they are but I’ve been taught that my body looks wrong in them.

I’m genuinely trying to unlearn all of this. Again idk if anyone’s gonna read this but I feel like being open because I know it would help me to know I’m not alone. There are plus sized and fat-bodied individuals who look like me and I think they are so so beautiful and I don’t ever criticize them the way I do myself and I don’t understand why I’m so unkind to myself.

I’m gonna try to stop having such a negative relationship with food and scrutinizing myself. I’m not going to focus on exercising and burning calories but instead moving my body so that I feel good. I share the image of sculptures of Greek goddesses and the fact I am nourished and have energy is something to celebrate. I have a body that naturally gains and retains weight. I don’t want to spend my life fighting it and hating myself trying to chase love that I deserve to be shown without conditions. I am a human being. I am alive and my body is the least interesting thing about me.

[spacemancharisma]

saw x liveblog:

this doesn’t look visually anything like a saw movie

john describing himself as something like a life coach is maybe the funniest thing i’ve ever seen

this ancient freak drawing torture devices in his sketchbook at the park is also 👌👌

I miss adam

part of me thinks they should’ve recast amanda since she’s like 20+ years older than her character now, but I also kind of like that she’s the same even if it doesn’t make sense. she’s also still incredibly hot.

I’m glad we’re back to torturing ppl who actually deserve it this is nice

it’s also nice to see some folks who actually fucking want to live for once

ok but on the subject the time limits are stupid if someone is willing to do whatever insane bullshit

the theater keeps erupting into laughter at these people being stupid and that’s such a vibe

this blonde lady did not come to fucking play. icon lowkey

I’d love to talk to amanda’s dad cause I blame him for like. all of this hfbfng

billy shows up and the theater goes “oooOOOooo�� like the laugh track when a guest celebrity shows up on a sitcom

blonde lady is a wretched human being and I’m obsessed with her. I don’t support her wrongs but I do support what a fucking queen she is. do what you need to do to survive baby I love you

ok I’m getting sick of the impossible time limit like. if someone is doing what it takes and they just need like 30 more seconds, I think they should get that- it’s about having the will to live and that should be respected

THAT MASK FUCKS

is this a bad time to say I miss my grandpa

in my fix-it, amanda saves gabriela and they’re in lesbians forever 💖

radiation is fucked up

I’m so glad the other ppl in this theater understand that comedy and horror are fundamentally the same thing

GABI MY BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS WITH A DISORDER

blonde lady I have turned my face away from you I can’t wait to watch you die badly

the assorted reprisals of the theme are awesome

BLONDE LADY YOU WILL DIE BY MY HAND

damn she is still serving cunt tho

ngl the chekovs gun of the one (1) spanish word john knows got me it was really obvious but it kinda fucked anyway

haha wharrgarbl

YESSSSSSS THEY CALL THE MOVIE SAW BECAUSE AFTER YOU SEE IT YOU SAW IT

I love to stim at abject horror lol

YEAH BITE EACH OTHER’S DICKS OFF

EVERYONE SHUT UP THAT CLOSING SHOT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING IVE EVER SEEN THEYRE WALKING INTO THE SUNRISE LIKE A BEAUTIFUL LITTLE FAMILY

also my friend pointed out that all the previous movies have ended with a door closing and the series ended with a door opening and that’s actually pretty cool

closing thoughts:

actually an excellent movie! did the series justice, was visually nice if not consistent with the original art, and did an honestly kind of compelling job with its characters. I really enjoyed it! would recommend but only if you’ve watched the rest of the saw movies for context lol

[hakusins]

Honkai Star Rail for the fandom ask

MWAH MWAH, thank you anon BHERBFHJEF you give me a reason to go insane!!!

send me a fandom!

Favourite Female:

uhh this one is a bit difficult to answer since i don't actually like a lot of the female characters in star rail, HBERFJBHERF my wives are mostly the men but if i have to choose!!

female chara i like for the aesthetic: Ruan Mei

female chara i like for her personality: Robin

Favourite Male:

BLADE, YINGXING, JIN, REN, MY LOVE, THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!! he's literally the reason why I pre-registered to HSR, downloaded the app a year before the server opened and saved all my stellar jades for his banner in 1.2. AND WHEN HIS CHARACTER TRAILER DROPPED I WOULD NOT STOP WATCHING IT !!!!

i never take him off of my team unless i absolutely cannot squeeze him in there. and right now im bleeding my wallet dry buying all his merch JHBEFBJHERF

3 Other Favourite Characters:

HEHE, OF COURSE HOW COULD I LEAVE OUT MY OTHER FAVE CHARACTERS?? of course, my second wife Boothill!

next one is Jing Yuan!! Mr. General has my heart, he's so cute and handsome and hot and I love love love listening to his voicelines. (no i don't listen to 'time for the master stroke' on repeat, i swear-)

and lastly - my HSR husband - the knight of beauty himself!! i honestly don't have a deeper reason why i love him other than the fact that i love princess treatment <3

3 OTPs: OH OH OH OH OH, honestly, I do want to say though I'm open to All x Blade and All x Boothill as long as they're the bottom, but my top ships are !!! JingRen, HengRen/FengRen, and SunHill!!!

Notp: not into dan heng x jing yuan :((( I can see the appeal but personally i don't like it! i also dont like the baiheng x yingxing ship either. and ofc any ships involving top!boothill or top!blade is just crossed out in my books WKWKKW

Funniest character: DR. RATIO HAS ME IN TEARS EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!! LIKE THIS MAN IS A WHOLE FUCKING MEME AND IM IN LOVE WITH HIM. like he is so unserious i can't stand him HBERFBJHERF

Prettiest character: my beautiful princess with a disorder is perfect in my eyes. there is no one else more beautiful than HIM!!!

Most Annoying Character: uhhh march 7th. at least for me personally jhbERBFBJHREF i just don't like girls who just repeat what i just saw happened in game JHERFHJE

Most badass character: MR SUNDAY!!!!!!!! THE MOST HANDSOME MAN IN PENACONY WHO WAS LITERALLY SO CLOSE TO ASCEND AND BECOME AN AEON???? lIKE NO ONE ELSE IS DOING IT LIKE MR SUNDAY!!!

Character I’d like as my BFF: GUINAFEN IS SO SO SO CUTE!!! when I saw her i was like.... omg,,, ,SHES SO CUTE !!!!!!! and I'm very awkward talker so someone who yaps a lot is ideal for me JHBERFHJERF

Female Character I’d Marry: uhh probably no one :(( none of the fem characters screams marriage material to me. but if i'm forced to choose i'd choose uhh bronya!! she's super dependable HBERBHJ

Male Character I’d Marry: ARGENTI !!! Like honestly, i'm so down bad and whipped and i LOVE LOVE LOVE princess treatment. Argenti is literally the ideal man but he only has eyes for Idrilla damn JHBRFBJHER

Character I hate/dislike/least like: None!! I think all of the characters are great, even if I find them mildly annoying!

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

doing mental gymnastics to justify spending $80 on a Lyft so I can see queen in IMAX. "money is temporary but seeing Freddie (my wife) and Brian (my beautiful princess with a disorder) in 4k is forever"

Damn, I don’t think I’ve ever spent that much on a Lyft, but money is meant to be spent lol

(Why is Brian a princess with a disorder? Lol)

[bleachersgirl]

i kind of want to read the vampire armand next because armand is simultaneously my special baby boy / my beautiful princess with a disorder and also the devil / my enemy forever for what he did to claudia and he is soooo interesting and compelling to me but also. it has taken me MANY months to read queen of the damned and i still have 100ish pages to go so maybe that’s a sign to lay off the anne rice for a while once i finish it.

[pigeoncatunderscore]

when I say I want ichijou I mean my gayboy cunty ass beautiful princess disorder 25 year old man not the damn vtuber, google search

[tallysgreatestfan]

YES

Only one out of the top of my head is L'Rell from Star Trek Discovery, who is actually an alien, but damn, a pretty monstrous looking one with claws and fangs and ridges everywhere. Also tall and buff.

She has a hella dark and disturbing canon pairing with a man (honestly so many trigger warnings, please if you are harmed easily by dark content look it up beforehand), but also a lot of chemistry with a human woman so there is this wlw ship in fandom too.

Then a few that might fit if you squint:

Tally Youngblood/David, Tally Youngblood/Shay and Dr. Cable/Maxamilla Feaster from the later books of the Uglies Series (Scott Westerfeld):

Not really monsters in the classical sense, but Tally, Shay and Dr. Cable are all superhumanely fast and strong cyborgs with extremely good senses, who are deliberately beauty surged to look scary. They canonically have fangs and claw-like razor sharp finger nails, and they also move in too fast and angular ways thanks to their super speed and probably also because of being like half machine half woman.

Only Tally/David involves a man, but David in the books is noticeably shorter and weaker than Tally. Included the femslash ships too though because damn yeah monsterfucker femslash.

[How I imagine them, in the upcoming movie they will look fairly different I guess. Massive trigger warning for eating disorders, self harm, and, given that this dystopian regime controls their citizens through that, beauty culture]

Scorpia from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power is a tall, buff half insect woman, but thanks to her kind and cute personality this is much lesser scary than you would think.

No romance with men here as she canonically is a lesbian. She has a canonical romance with another woman, and also is deeply in love with her traumatized but abusive female best friend Catra that does not work out. IMO her and her mad scientist friend Entrapta also are a cute ship.

Then there is h_rd from The Risen Empire (Scott Westerfeld again), who, while looking eerily inhumane due to being a cyborg super soldier, doesn't quite looks monstrous enough to be considered an monster, but whoa, is she alien. Not just does she have cybernetic implants and replacements everywhere, including metallic purple artificial eyes, she is described to move weirdly sudden ways, her organs are either replaced with machines or genetically engineered to work totally different, she is not even slowed down by being perforated with small-caliber bullets and she even does not really breathe as much as just consistently sucking in and blowing out air.

She also is a buff, angular, two meter tall butch, and yes, she canonically has a touching romance with an low level woman enemy military worker. Not sure about shipping her with men; while technically her sexuality is not pinned down other than being into women so she could be bi, and her and her lover could be poly, it is much, much more likely that she is a lesbian, since she is from an all women species.

Fandom Problem #4672:

Monsterfucker content is usually either "woman or MLM x male monster". And that's all great! BUT - as someone into monsterfucking AND femdom stuff, there's a distinct lack of monsterfucking with a human guy x monster LADY. And I mean, genuinely monstrous, not just some anime bimbo showing off her cheap Spirit Halloween costume. I wanna see a guy getting USED by hot lady monsters. Closest we ever get is Lady Dimitrescu, who is fine as hell but also still basically a just a tall busty MILF with a Wolverine claw.

[kyuuppi]

Unworthy

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Reader (gn)

Contents: hurt/comfort; Reader has mental health issues (depression, social anxiety, possible manic depressive disorder, extreme insecurity)

Word Count: 1.3k

You don’t deserve love. 

It is a fact, etched into mind and engraved into your heart after years of painful confirmation. You are not extraordinarily beautiful nor do you have a heart of gold. On the contrary, your face barely passes as “average” and mental illness has rendered your moods a lethal concoction of manic and depressive, the ratios depending solely on the time of day. 

Nothing about you is loveable and certainly not deserving of someone like Katsuki. 

Bakugou Katsuki, the man who talks big and works more than hard enough to back it up. There is truly nothing he can’t do, nothing he is not the best at. He pointedly steers clear of nonsense, never afraid to call people out on their bullshit. He doesn’t bother with false pretenses, doesn’t bother with things that would get in the way of his goals—

Which is exactly why it’s best for you to leave him alone. You’re weighed down with emotional baggage and weaknesses both mental and physical, you’re just a nuisance and it would only be a matter of time before he recognizes it and promptly cuts you from his life. 

You figure it will hurt a little less if you do it first. 

That’s why you leave. You skip the date the two of you had planned, the one you had been so excited for just a few days ago, scavenging the mall for hours before settling on what you deemed the perfect outfit. In retrospect it was all pointless anyway, lipstick on a pig is still a pig. Maybe, if you make it home before it starts to rain, you can still return the flowy black dress. Fold it up nicely in the fancy white bag it came in. You’re fairly certain you still have the receipt sitting on the top of—

“Oi!” 

Every muscle in your body freezes at the familiar sound. For a moment you think—hope—that you’ve imagined it. The startled jumps and confused turns from the people standing on the busy street corner around you prove otherwise. 

“I know ya heard me—if you try to make a run for it I swear to god I’ll hunt you down.”

You refuse to turn around and face his voice as it comes increasingly closer but you can already see the people around shooting you curious looks from the corners of your eyes. A few people step away from you warily, silently wondering what type of dangerous person would warrant the appearance of the Number Two Hero of Japan. 

The pause of heavy footsteps is the only warning you get before a firm hand grabs your arm and forces you to turn around. For a moment you look up and meet his eyes, vermillion and boiling with an obvious anger—perhaps if you’d looked longer you would have noticed the worry as well—but you quickly let your head fall back down, too ashamed to meet his gaze full on. 

He huffs. 

“You better have some damn good excuse for standing me up on our first date.” 

A few people around gasp and whisper among themselves, no doubt shocked by the prospect of Ground Zero of all people being stood up on a date by some dull looking person on the street. You suppose you would be surprised as well. For someone who graduated in the top 10 at U.A., Bakugou seemed terrible at cost-benefit analysis when it came to finding a partner. 

“Hah?” he urges when it becomes clear you have no intention of replying.

“Don’t just fucking ignore me—and what the fuck are all you extras looking at?”

Most of the people around quickly look away and carry on with what they were doing but Bakugou pulls you away anyway, his hand still firm on your upper arm. He leads the two of you to a more secluded area, a relatively clean alleyway between a convenience store and some apartment buildings. You back is against the wall while Bakugou strategically places himself in front of you but slightly to the left, blocking the sole exit in case you try to escape. 

“We can stand here all night, princess,” Bakugou bites out, gaze nearly burning a hole through the top of your head as you continue to stare pointedly at your own feet. 

“Now why the fuck did you stand me up? If you didn’t like me you should have just said so—I’m not some loser who can’t handle rejection.”

You huff an involuntary laugh at the thought. How ridiculous—you not liking him? He’s literally perfect, the epitome of everything a pro hero should be and well beyond any normal human. Millions of people worship the very ground he walks on and you’re no different. 

“I think its for the best if we...don’t associate with each other,” you finally murmur, struggling to convey your thoughts without stating the obvious ‘you’re way too fucking good for me, why did you even ask me out in the first place? Did you get brainwashed by a villain?’

“The fuck is that s’possed to mean?” he barks back, clearly not satisfied with your vague answer in the least. 

“Are ya worried about the villains or something? I can kick anyone’s ass if they try to mess with ya, y’know.” His voice softens along with his grip on your arm, seeming to consider, for the first time, you could possibly just be scared. It would not be unreasonable—he is one of the top pro heroes, a status one doesn’t earn without making a few enemies along the way. It is not unheard of for the most detestable villains to attempt to use the friends or family of heroes as hostage to get what they want. That is hardly anything you care about though—you know Bakugou is strong. You have no doubts he can protect the people he cares about...you just shouldn’t be one of them.

You finally steel yourself enough to look up and meet his gaze as you speak your next words. 

“Bakugou,” you start, seeing his subtle flinch at you calling him by his last name for the first time in months since you’ve known each other. “I’m...not good enough for you. You deserve someone strong, smart, and beautiful—someone who deserves to stand by your side, and I am none of those things. I’m just...damaged goods.” 

You try to laugh off the last line as if it were a funny joke but your voice sounds hollow even to your own ears. 

Somehow, Bakugou looks even angrier now. 

“You’re right about one of those things,” you try to ignore the sudden sting in your eyes at hearing your own thoughts coming from him. “You are a huge fucking idiot if you think you get to decide what I do and don’t deserve.” 

He steps closer, his firm chest pressing into your own softer body in a way that makes your heart stutter through several beats. Your face heats up on its own accord and you bite your lip in attempt to keep your body from spontaneously combusting. 

“One thing I hate more than anything is being told what I can or can’t do,” his voice is low, his hot breath brushing against your cheeks while he pins your gaze with his own.

“I don’t know who fed you this ‘not good enough’ bullshit but I’ll kick their ass for saying it then I’ll kick yours for believing it—I like you, okay? I want you by my side, whether you think you deserve to be there or not.”

You find yourself nodding along dumbly.

[bellamyblake]

The perfect sleeping arrangement

for @star-sky-earth

Alternate Universe-Canon divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Smut, Mommy!Kink, Nightmares, Anxiety Disorder

Bellamy always tries to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders but at night he's breaking apart-anxiety and nightmares are tearing him up, yet he won't let Clarke take care of him. Unless she insists and he starts opening up to her. 

The only time Bellamy ever allowed Clarke to take care of him was at night.

During the day it was all about him doing everything he possibly could-going hunting, passing by medbay to bring her lunch, toss a scarf over her naked neck so she doesn’t get sick, ask her mom if she got anything for breakfast over her rolling eyes, make sure she comes back home before ten even though there’s a council meeting that night that he won’t attend because of his guard shift.

And it wasn’t just about her really-still, two years after they set their camp and started actually building it, he was taking care of the hundred as if they were his own children just like when they first landed-he brought Jasper a new jacket, fixed the roof of the co-joined cabin that Harper, Monty, Miller and a few other kids used, made sure to raid long-forgotten bunkers for winter supplies, participated in the shoveling of the snow, smoaking the meat from the game he had caught, helping Raven with the electricity solutions she needed figuring out as well as taking up as many guard shifts as he could especially during the winter when it was harder for the delinquents.

He even volunteered once a week in the small day care they opened last fall, reading books and telling stories to the kids in the midst of giving them a few history lessons here and there.

Overall he was stretching himself a little too thin and Clarke hated it even though whenever they fought about it, he always made sure to remind her that she’s no better than him.

And that may have been true but the thing was, he refused to let anyone ever take care of him, even her.

Even though he made sure she was fine all the damn time and it was the little things that broke her-him making her tea in the evening, bringing her hot water for her freezing feet and making sure she warmed up after her enthusiastic run in the back yard when the first snow hit, him tucking her up at night even when she kicked the blanket or finding the right kind of animal skin so he would sew her gloves for the winter.

He had even learned how to knit from a grounder woman during the summer festival and when they got back to camp he secretly traded a few sweaters for some yarn, only to start working on a beautiful blue scarf for her that he wrapped around her once the first winter days arrived.

It was great being with Bellamy but it was also heartbreaking, watching him give all of himself away and never expect anything in return.

Even when they kissed or had sex he always made sure she’s came first, always made sure to show her just how much he loved her, whispering words about her beautiful body in her ear as he teased her clit and bring her over the edge.

But when Clarke wanted to do the same, he’d try to get away, refusing the attention.

Some mornings she’d feel his hard cock against her butt and reach over to take him, turn around and kiss him, try to give him a good time but he’d kiss her forehead, mumble something like “I’m fine, princess, have to get to work, maybe some other time.” and slip away leaving her angry and sad that he just denied himself pleasure.

She knew why he did it, she had seen it from the moment back at that tree on their unfortunate day trip-he didn’t think he deserved it even though she had tried to make it known, even though she always made sure to show him how much he means to her, how much she loves him-but it wasn’t about that, it has never been about that-the fact remained-he didn’t believe he was worthy of being loved, of pleasure, even when it came from the person he cared for most in the world and who cared for him just as much in return.

The thing was, he tried to hide his problems away from her as well and that had been the last straw to turn things around.

At first it was his inability to sleep because of anxiety-he had a few days or even a week sometimes every month when he couldn’t sleep-nightmares plagued him and left him weak and exhausted but he would try to hide it from her at first until one night she came home and found him so tired that he had passed out by the hearth, having only just started the fire.

She can't even move him no matter how hard she wants to. She kneels down, puts her hands under his armpits and tries but he's so heavy. On top of everything he's all wet from the snow-his jacket's peppered with fastly melting snowflakes, his hair was drenched-the curls stuck to his forehead, he was freezing and she knew his boots leaked too, so she had to get him out of it and warm him up.

”Come on, Bell, wake up, let's get you to bed.” and he manages to wake up, get to a half-awake state but he's so out of it, like a drunk five year old who had absolutely no idea what was happening to him.

”C-larke?”

“Yeah, come on, please I can't lift you on my own."

“I'm tired.” he mumbles.

“I know, but you need to get to bed.”

“Why?”

“Because it's cold out here you'll get sick”

“I'm fine...it's by the fire...just...leave me”

“No, I’m not leaving you, come on, please.” she’s desperate at that point, feels her own tears picking up at her eyes.

“It's okay, I like it here.”

“It's the wooden floor, your back already hurts, it's time for bed, please help me, please,” he groans a little, too tired to even lift his head and look at her but then she adds “for me.”

And that does it.

He manages to lift his feet just a little so she can drag him to bed and spray him diagonally at first, then she starts undressing him slowly, he's moaning everything hurts him-he's absolutely exhausted, tired to his very bone, hadn't slept in days, worked all through it too on top of it.

He's a baby when she undresses him he goes “I’m cold.”  when he doesn't have clothes on or “Ohh, my feet!”  when she takes his boots off and finds his blisters.

She’s pretty sure he’s only ever saying that because he’s not coherent of anything happening around him and he’s just a child speaking his mind.

It wasn’t just a one time deal, though-it kept happening and it worsened significantly with the change of the seasons-when winter settled he got bad, really damn bad and his anxiety made him jumpy, sad and insomniac.

In the spring it was a little better but still quite hard and the hot summer nights would throw him into another nightmare spiral that could last a month and leave him absolutely exhausted until the autumn winds hit and allowed him to breathe somewhat.

She takes him to Jackson when she comes home one night to find him passed out in his work clothes again. This time he's too tired to fully wake so she has to pile the blankets and pillows on the floor and sleep with him there to make sure he's warm enough.

Clarke figures out quickly that he loves being spooned, held, kissed-he groaned content when she ran her fungers through his hair-he liked being warm but he didn’t wear clothes in bed except for his boxers and he enjoyed most of all when she tucked him in first after taking all of his clothes and then sliding in bed, wrapping herself like a monkey around him and holding him tight.

Jackson had prescribed him some anxiety meds but after talking to some grounders at the summer Polis trade between clans, Clarke found herbs they could use to brew as a tea for him to drink.

It didn’t always do the job but it helped significantly.

Still, she figured out he had a need for her late at night in those vulnerable moments and the more they occured, the more he allowed himself to be like this despite the constant battle in his heart.

He liked being pampered, liked her momming him, taking care of him like that.

But there was still something that tips the scales and it comes from the most unexpected places of all.

Second year around when the camp is up and running, all of them have to go through the mandatory health check ups.

Of course, Bellamy had tried to get away with his, sneak out but Clarke had grabbed him by the collar-literally and dragged him there for his mom to do it, knowing if it was her, they probably would end up with her pinned on the cot, him on top, pushing into her, instead of her taking in his pulse.

And that’s when it happens-her mom takes in his blood pressure and finds it too high, listens to his heart carefully and furrows her eyebrows as she focuses. Clarke feels the cold spread through her from her back through her entire body when her mom tells them things are out of norm but that if he takes some blood pressure medicine to regulate it, everything will be alright.

Clarke hates herself for it though-she should’ve noticed it sooner. She always let herself be held by him and she had noticed, as she rest her head over his chest, that his heart beat too fast but she thought it was just him being too tired or maybe the anxiety was making it worse for him but she never once thought something could be wrong.

That’s when things changed and she refused to let him get away with being taken care of anymore.

His heart beat became her good night lullaby.

During the day he was still Bellamy the guard, Bellamy the hunter, Bellamy the protector of his silly kids starting with Jasper, Bellamy the love of her life who brought her lunch.

But at night things shifted.

He’d sit in bed and wait for her to come out of the bathroom.

“Took your anxiety meds?” he nods seriously “The blood pressure ones?”

“Yep.”

“You sure?” he had  stupid phase where he tried not to take them for a few weeks so they could save recources and ration them and she hadn’t talked to him for days after.

“I’m sure, Clarke.”

“Good boy.” she praises as she comes over “Time for bed now.” she lays him down covers him up and he looks at her with big brown beautiful eyes.

”You coming?”

“Right in, you big baby.” she promises as she leans over and kisses his forehead.

“Can you hold me?” he’s learned to ask for that with time and she had made sure to show him how proud she was of it.

“Of course.” she tucks him in and then quickly slides in on the other side of bed, wrapping herself around him, her arm over his chest and leg thrown over his. Her other one sneaks under his neck and she pushes his head to her chest so that he’s a little lower than her and her chin cover his head. That way she had quick access to his hair and she runs her fingers through his curls gently, helping him relax.

Because at night she sleeps deep, she doesn’t always hear when he wakes up from his nightmares or terrors and the only thing betraying him would be the dark circles under his eyes in the morning, so she has to ask every night how the previous one had been because only then would he be honest.

“How was last night?” he knows the question will come so he shivers a little as she holds him.

“Not too bad.”

“How many times did you wake up?”

“Once” he lies. She tightens her grip on his chest.

“Your shirt was soaked, Bell.” he shrugs and closes his eyes but she insists ”So? How many times?”

“Three.” he lets out quietly and she wraps herself tighter around him

“Why didn't you wake me up?”

“You know I can't.” she knew he wouldn’t, he never did. Unless she was there to scold him and force him to lay still while she took care of him after a night terror, he wouldn’t say a thing.

He had admitted once that he would wake up gasping for breath but force himself not to move too much and instead just stare at the ceiling while he calmed down so he wouldn’t wake her up.

She hated it. She hated whatever made him hate himself so much that he’d refuse to reach out even to her.

She knew it was about the way he was raised-his mom loved him according to his words and fond memories of her, but she was stern and had expectations for him especially after Octavia was born when the real hell began.

He had anxiety then too, night terrors as well, he may have developed this heart condition just because of the constant stress he was put under, he just had no way of knowing it.

One night as she was holding him he admitted he wouldn’t sleep at night after O was born, he’d check on her and his mom all the time, then sleep by the door when they knew there would be random check ups in Factory.

He’d fall off his bed as he tossed in his nightmare sleep, he’d shake all the time, grow restless or too tired, get angry sometimes-all signs of what he was still suffering from now.

Something else that happened lately as she came to find out-because he was so exhausted from his lack of sleep, he’d take short naps in hiding, away from her, so he wouldn’t bother her with his pain.

He’d go to the small overhang they had in the backyard where they kept the woods and sleep there and she’d hate it when he did that because it was so cold there she worried he’d get sick or he'd hide out in the kitchen while Murphy prepared dinner after bringing in the game he caught with the hunting party outside. He'd even spray on one of the metal tables at Raven and Monty's tent where they discussed plans for the camp.

So she knows, comes to figure out that spooning him and holding him helped a lot so all of this didn't have to happen. So he wouldn't have to hide away.

But something else did too.

Clarke would ask him if he’s okay, if she could do something else besides holding him but he’d of course shake his head and grumple a soft childish “I’m fine.”

She’d know better do, could always tell by the way he folds into her if he’s more vulnerable than usual, if it’s worse that night than the previous from the way his hands tremble or how he pushes his head into her hand looking for her touch.

In those nights, like tonight, she slides her hand down to hix boxers, digs in and pumps his cock to hardness.

He gasps a little, pushes his back into hers and looks up, searching for her eyes.

He doesn't want her to worry so much, so he tries to tell her it's okay but she wouldn't hear it and she jerks him off like this from behind. She knew exactly how he liked it by now-starting slowly, teasingly from the tip of his cock before sliding all the way down and cupping his balls for a moment before taking him in again.

His legs kick off the blanket just a little, he arches his back and she reins him in, calms him down, by kissing him softly, starting from his cheek, to his chin, sliding down to his neck, peppering him with her love, making sure to pay attention to all the freckles she sees in her way.

Her other hand is still in his hair-tucking at his curls, moving his head just the right way to expose more of him to her, give her a better angle as he gasps into her arms and calls for her untill he comes gasping, head buried in her chest, begging to be held, tighter, to be cuddled.

Finally, she lets him roll over when he's spent and he buries his head in her chest.

Clarke knows what he wants.

He loved sucking her tits after a good blowjob like this but she teases him a little like a boy who wants to be fed in the middle of the night but his mom's sleeping.

Bellamy buries his nose between her tits, breathes her in, lets her run her fingers through his curls, soft talk him, baby him until his quiet moans turn to desperate ones and he starts sucking, searching for her through her thin shirt.

“So impatient.”  she jokes “You want some of that big boy?”

He whines, writhes against her just a bit, searching for more like a desperate hungry kid.

“What's up?” she runs her fingers through his hair once more while he keeps trying to bury deeper into her, probably hating the fact that she decided to wear a shirt tonight but it was winter and she was cold. “You hungry?”

He groans, buries his head even closer, searches for her nipple but can't find it through the awful angle that her tits are in now that she’s laying on her side “Want me to lift that up for you?” she asks grabbing the hem of her shirt that is in fact one of his “Want to suck on mom's tits?”

He looks up then, moves away a little and she wants to laugh at how cute and adorable he is-his mouth hanging a little, saliva drooling on his chin from his desperate attempts to get to her tits.

He gives her a soft hurt look, his eyes so lost and desperate, the barest of nods and she just can't deny him when he does that-he’s so sweet, so gentle, so broken.

And so exhausted.

“Maybe this will help him fall into a fitful sleep.” Clarke thinks as she cups his cheek and runs her thumb over the dark circle under his eye.

He's so tired, it's the absolute picture perfect of a boy turned baby needing his mom and a hungry for his partner man.

She can’t handle it, would be lying if this wasn’t doing things to her too, so she raises herself up just a little and pulls her shirt off.

His reaction is immideate, he doesn’t even wait for her to fully lay back down when he takes the nipple of her right breast in his mouth and sucks on it hard.

He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her up closer to him, wants to feel all of her pressed to his body, needs to have her there with him.

He doesn't just kiss her he sucks on her like a baby that's expecting for milk to come and it leaves her gasping and thrusting into his leg at the feel of her own wetness pooling into her but it is him that breaks her heart- he's so desperate for love and affection it's absolutely devastating for her.

It's noisy, he's smacking on her like a hungry baby and he's beautiful, so damn beautiful.

But he also never forgets about her-he sneaks his hand down to her ass and squeezes it, which makes her panties drench with her wetness and she grinds a little into him but she doesn't need release-this is about him, just him.

He gets a little hard again but it's not about that either now-he just wants to suck on her breasts and move his hands down her ass then up her back, then to her stomach-he loves touching her stomach, the softness there, the round curves that make her arch her back a little, makes her moan above him, reach out and put her hand on his shoulders, looking for something to support her.

Then he goes down to her panties, sinks in a finger into her making her gasp as he moves to her other breast, smacking just as hard, desperate for her beautiful breasts, desperate to beheld in her arms, to be vulnerable around her but also to love her, to let it pour out of him in any way possible.

And when he's had enough of touching her he brings his fingers up, pulls away for just a moment so he could spread her wetness around her nipple before sucking onto it hard again.

“Bellamy-” she gasps and he moves away from her nipple for just a second, peppers her chest with soft little kisses, moves to the valley of her breasts, drags his tongue there before sucking onto the skin just above her right breast and pulling her closer to him by the waist.

“Bell-”

He moves away a little, looks up at her asking if he did something wrong, worrying like always but she just takes his face in her hands and pulls him in for a kiss. She’s as desperate to have him as he is her but Clarke knows this is about him, so after she lets him go they just pant a little, breathe with hurry and desperation after their recent endeavours.

Her hand falls to his chest, his fast beating heart and she wants to command it to slow down.

“Ready to fall now?” she asks and he sneaks a glance down to her chest again before he looks right up, not daring speak out his desires but trying to silently ask for them anyway.

Without words.

He could never speak for himself.

But she would.

“You can take one if you want to.” she prompts him gently tugging at his neck and pushing him back to her chest.

“You don’t mind?” he asks and his voice comes out too small, too scared for her liking.

Clarke hurries to shake her head.

“In fact I love it.” he tilts his head a little as if asking “Really?” and she smiles “I love having you so close at night.”

HIs head falls and he looks down for a minute, accepting her answer, but trying to gather up the courage to ask something else.

“Will you still hold me?”

“Of course I will.” she promises and he smiles, beams really in a way she rarely sees on him which makes her sad because he should be like this all the time.

He quiets down after but not before slipping his hand back in her pants and sinking three fingers into her again, it's like he just wanted to be there, always, being the Bellamy that he is, to always give in return.

She grinds a little into him, he pumps her some but then they settle.

She watches him, cups his cheek runs her hand through his curly bangs smiles and kisses his forehead.

He gets a little shy like what he wants of her is too much, too weird maybe but she confirms again with a little nod that says ”It's okay, you can go ahead” and he wraps his mouth around her nipple again and smacks like a baby until finally he quiets and they fall asleep like this-his fingers in her and his mouth on her-the perfect sleeping arrangement.