#damn!!! sure wish the pandemic was over for me and I had the financial means to travel!!!

[rotund-spheal]

seething and frothing at the mouth b/c people are telling me the pandemic is over

NO IT’S FUCKING NOT

[sabrinamichele]

Dear you,

Dear you,

You were supposed to be here for this. I honestly thought you would be here by now. Six and a half years now, and it certainly hasn’t been for lack of trying…and yet—you’re not here. God I wish you were. I consider myself one of the strongest, most resilient people I know, and yet I still feel like this will take me to my breaking point. I know I will get through this—I will face it just like I’ve faced every other difficult thing I’ve had to deal with thus far—but I wish you were here with me, to face this together. 

I am having to decide whether to buy the place I have lived in for the past nine years (a decision that was thrust upon me recently), or face moving out in less than two month’s time. This decision, no matter what I decide, puts me in a very tight place financially, and in this current market I feel I’m in a “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” situation. And I hate it. I hate feeling forced into a decision I wasn’t ready for, and frankly, never thought I’d be doing by myself. Do not get me wrong, I am so damn proud by the mere fact that I can. On my own. BUT, that doesn’t mean that I’m not also incredibly sad about it too. Because it means I’m not doing this with you. And maybe that doesn’t make sense to you. I often wonder if men and women imagine their future financial decisions differently. For me, I have always imagined that I simply couldn’t, not by myself anyway, and certainly not in Sacramento, CA. But it is also breaking my heart because, in many ways, if I do buy my place, I fear I am cutting myself off from being able to relocate, should you not live here—and I’m just going to say it, I have thought for a long time now that you aren’t here, because I feel I have probably already met all of the men who I could potentially date by now. And yes, I’m sure someone, somewhere is yelling, “That’s not true!!” *laughs* Sure, I get that it’s probably not statistically true, but it doesn’t change the fact that it certainly feels true to me. And let’s be honest, a global pandemic certainly didn’t help matters any. *dramatic eye roll*

Regardless, I wish you were here. I know that all of this, even this, is shaping me into the person I’m supposed to be (and damn it, I’m proud of who that person is so far), but I wish sometimes, especially in the hard times, that you were here to lean on. To tell you how scared I am, to have you listen, to have you hold me. But ultimately, to help make this decision with me. 

——————————————————————————————————

In your absence I feel I am doing pretty damn well navigating this, all things considered. Unfortunately things took a recent turn, and the opportunity I thought I had to buy my place may be getting swept out from under me now, which, after being a perfect tenant for over nine years feels royally shitty. But I am still moving forward, and I’m still going to try. Just knowing I have already been pre-approved feels so huge. Even if this ultimately isn’t meant for me, I can be, and am, proud of that.

Even though you aren’t here, I don’t feel alone in this, which has honestly gotten me through all of this so far. I feel so much love and support from the people I am blessed to call my family and friends. In all of the ups and downs of this past year (and there have been a lot of those), I have always felt I had people I could turn to, and feel supported by, even if that hasn’t looked like the relationship I’ve always wanted to have. If I think about it all, though—if I zoom out on all of this and the decisions I’ve made in my life so far, I feel like I’m making the absolute best ones I can for me each step of the way. 

I was recently driving to work and, while at a stoplight, I noticed a little girl in the car next to me looking over at me and smiling. Looking at her I thought about the woman she must be seeing. I thought about the life that I’ve created, the amazing friendships I have, and all the elements that make me who I am today—that make me, ‘me’—and that I decided were important to who I wanted to be, now, six-and-a-half years later. In that moment I realized that I am creating and living a life to be proud of, and one I would hope might inspire a young girl looking at me from her car window, and maybe even one day my child(ren). And, hopefully, a life that someday aligns with yours. I don’t know if or when it’ll happen, but I hope that it does. And that when you look at me, you will smile too. 

Until then, I’m going to keep doing me, navigating this insane thing we call life, as best I can. I have so many things that I hope for, but I find myself just shy of wanting to say them here. Because it’s hard. Hard to still hope for a person, a partner, a relationship that seems to be an almost impossibility. In a world of compromise, of ‘good enough,’ I often feel like I am the hold out. The one who simply isn’t willing to. There are so many reasons not to compromise, but chief among them is because I have already, when I was married. Maybe without meaning to, but I did all the same. I settled for “good enough,” for the comfort and security of it. Even when it wasn’t good, and especially when it was awful. Having gone through that, and having come out the other side, I won’t ever settle again. Having fallen in love in the subsequent years, and more than once, I feel equal measures of grief and gratitude for each of the loves I have had. Gratitude that I got to experience that, even if it is mixed with the grief of each loss. All that is to say that you will never have to worry that I have (or will) settle. I may date, and that may mean dating more than one person from now, but I refuse to settle on my person. My partner. You. I just hope that whatever it is that has kept us from being together already, resolves itself soon. Because I am ready. For you. More than ready. 

——————————————————————————————————

Sometime in May, 1 month later

So, sometimes things just have to fall apart. At least that’s how it feels right now. It has been such a rollercoaster of emotions these past two weeks. I have gone from renter, to potential first-time home buyer, to…well, to someone who now doesn’t know where she will be living in two month’s time. Succinctly put, after nine years, my landlord decided more money was more important than standing by your word. I’m walking away. And as hard and as scary as that is, it feels right. I have felt called lately to truly listen to what my gut is telling me, and the moment I learned my landlord wanted (significantly) more money, it all became clear that this no longer felt right to me; even if I didn’t know what that would look like, I needed to walk away. And so I am. I know that this will test me, and it will be hard—harder than many may even realize—but it also feels like it’s something I am being called to face. To finally let go of all remnants of my former life, including the skeletons in my proverbial closet, and maybe a very literal attic *laughs*, that I am finally having to face and put to rest. This is just forcing me to finally deal with it. And I am. One (sometimes painful) day at a time. 

In many ways tonight I have thought about what this move will mean, and not so much in some secret hidden meaning, because I am never going to give you some cereal box tag line for how this is a “blessing in disguise,” or some other generic, one-size-fits-all platitude that people who don’t know you are fond of giving, which just ends up sounding disingenuous. *insert both a groan and eye roll here* What I will tell you is this: It does feel like I’m leaving behind the last remaining thing that tied me to my ex—that life that feels like a lifetime ago—and I feel, or maybe I hope, that this is all opening me up for something better, and (dare I say it, dare I hope it), hopefully a life with you. And as hard as the thought of all of this is, thinking it is opening up my life to a new chapter, to something better, to a life with you one day, well, it makes this pill just a bit easier to swallow. Maybe that’s foolish, but I have to try to see something good in this. Because if I am facing having to drastically uproot my life, potentially liquidating half (or more) of all that I own, and facing all the uncertainty that goes with renting with/from someone again, I have to believe it is all going to be worth it—at least hopefully one day. I have to hope that it will be, and that this is temporary. 

——————————————————————————————————

End of July to the end of August, 2 to 3 months later…

So, it’s the end of July now, months later from when I began writing this post, and life feels so vastly different than it did then. So many things, in hindsight, that I took for granted that I once had, and that I am still mourning the loss of. I suppose I should start with the simple fact that I didn’t buy my place. In retrospect, it feels like I wasn’t meant to, for so many reasons, but it didn’t make it any easier walking away from it. It was my home, my safe space in a sea of so much uncertainty, and I felt unmoored and lost when I left her. I am still grieving the loss of my home, because that’s what she was. While I found my new place to move into, it doesn’t mean it was automatically “home” for me. It has, frankly, been a nightmare: with a new roommate, two moves as opposed to the typical one, and landlords who, going into it, made me realize I would only be staying there for 6 months, and not a day longer, because of how awful and shitty they were (and have subsequently only gotten somehow worse)…well, I suppose I will summarize it all and just say this: There has only been one other time in my life that was this hard, and it was the period of time following when my ex-husband left me. This…this was just as hard, but in some ways it has felt even harder because I have (lately) felt almost completely alone in it. Almost exactly the same feeling, but for very different reasons—I was experiencing disenfranchised grief, which, if you don’t know this term yet, disenfranchised grief is grieving the loss of something, someone, or, even, of one’s norm, but the loss is not widely acknowledged or recognized as a loss by those outside of it. Examples of this are a relationship ending, divorce, the loss of a job, or, as I’m sure we all can relate to now, the life we knew and had prior to COVID-19. This can leave the individual feeling isolated—like they are alone in their experience of this loss. And for many, this experience can be just as painful as other widely acknowledged losses. The acknowledgement of said loss and the support someone receives in this loss, then, being the key differentiator between grief and disenfranchised grief. 

For me this period of my life was particularly painful. And, as I’m typing these words a month later, it admittedly still is. I have felt so unsettled, in so many aspects of my life. In my housing; in my new job; in my love life; in some of my closest friendships, even. This loss of “home” has left me feeling more depressed and lost than I have in years. I haven’t felt a period of my life has been as hard since my ex-husband left, seven years ago. With that said, having lost it all, again, I find myself feeling so incredibly grateful for the people who are showing up; who are here. I have gone through hell these past six months, and I can’t but help thinking that at the end of this incredibly fucking hard road, you will be there…at the end of it. Waiting. And not just for me, but for us. To show me just how fucking good this life can be. Even after, or before, or even in the hard shit. To show me how different life can be, with you. I’m not going to lie, I crave and long for it. To have you at the end of it all—at the end of the really hard days, at the end of the really hard talks, the disappointments, but also at the end of all the good and beautiful days and moments, too. I feel like it has been so long, but I know they are there, waiting…and I’m so ready for all of them. With you.

It’s bizarre to me, writing this, now…because there is a chance, a very real possibility, that I will be in a relationship in the near future. Writing these words, with that being a possibility, it’s hard to not wonder…to hope. And I anticipate these words could be read with you filling in the blanks. The honest truth is, I don’t know. And that’s not to say I don’t see you/him in this way. It’s more because, in this new year/chapter of life, I realize that life isn’t as perfectly organized or structured as I once maybe thought it was. Life and love isn’t always, or ever, that black and white. And, maybe, instead…there is gray. I have found myself living in the gray, the unexpected, recently, and I don’t know how else to really speak to it. Other than to say, that life is never what you expect it to be. But it is here. Now, and now, and now. And while I may not have the life I, or others, ever expected, it is a fully lived life. And I know that may not make sense; how is a 38-year-old woman saying this? Here’s what I will say to this: I recently was preparing for a trip, and as we were preparing for takeoff, my thoughts turned where they sometimes do before flying, which to many might sound morbid, but I honestly thought about the “What ifs?” Which all seems to come back to one singular question for me, which is, “If I were to die today, would the people that I love know that I love them?” But I also stopped to ask myself, “If I were to die today, how would I feel about the life I have lived?” And it came to me—I was overwhelmed with how sure I felt about it—I knew that I would be good. Not that I wanted to die, because I certainly don’t, but if I were to, I would die knowing that I had really lived. Fully. And I loved knowing that. And I still do. I am so fucking proud of the life that I have created in the wake of my divorce. I am both nervous and excited about this potential relationship…something I have craved and wanted for so long. But I’m also confident knowing that, no matter what, I am me. And I am going to be okay, even it returns to being just me again. But I am also confident, because I know that I really (really, really) am ready for this. After so many missteps, and start-stops: I am ready. I know who I am. I know what I have to offer. The love I have to give. But I also know, with all of that—that my scars, my hurts will come right to the surface. And I am so scared to have you see them; but I’m also so ready to work through each of them, with the right person. 

God, I am so hopeful. Hopeful that this is you. That you and I finally get to be, here and now. But I also write this knowing that I don’t know, I won’t know, and that’s okay too. I write this in the blind hope that, in the unknowing, there will be beautiful moments too. That I will love again. I will trust someone with my heart, again. And that I will, maybe, know what it is to finally connect with someone, while also having something beautiful, reciprocal, safe, secure and emotionally healthy with them. To truly find a partner. (Which would honestly be the first time I’ve had all of that.) 

There are so many things that I don’t know. But I do know this: I am here, and I am ready. And here, in the waiting, I am committing this to you: I will try to stop thinking five steps ahead. I will be present—to witness the magic in the here and now. I will try to stop holding things so tightly. And when it finally happens, and you are here: I promise to love you fiercely, wholeheartedly and without abandon; to show you all of me, even the parts I’m ashamed and scared to show you; and to never, ever (god willing and the creek don’t rise) take you, or us for granted. 

Love always, 

me

x

[patheticwithanem]

2020 in Retrospect

Hey friend,

I know it’s late, but I HAVE TO DO THIS. I kind of promised myself I’m writing about the year that was. I’m not exactly sure why; maybe it’s to put things in perspective going in to 2021? And today’s my fourth year anniversary with my employer, so I guess it’s perfect timing? (More on that later)

So I was going through my notes (I have this habit of writing down what happens on a daily basis - be it activities, emotions, drama, name it) and one thing’s for sure. 2020 SUCKED. It did. But I’m committing to this no matter what!

First things first: lots of profanities along the way. Well actually, I was about halfway writing the letter when fucking Tumblr decided to refresh and delete what I’ve been writing for about one fucking hour now. So I have to fucking do it all over again. If this is the Lord telling me to stop being sentimental about 2020, fret not my Lord! I’m one stubborn son of a bitch, so I’m carrying on.

Here’s how the rest of the year unfolded. 2020. Let’s go.

JANUARY. Reunions?

January 1. Had a get-together with a few relatives in Malabon. It was fun! I used to be so allergic to family reunions but I guess age creeping in changes you? You value people even more now? This was also the last time we’re able to spend some time with my uncle from Singapore. He brought his family to spend the holidays here. He’s a sweetheart and a great father who’s missed.

January 9. I attended a college dormmate’s wedding. I remember contemplating whether to go or not only to realize I’m actually lucky to be even invited given the fact that I chose to be distant for them for a long while. I also told myself that not showing up is so far from what I’m trying to be. Although I wasn’t there for the whole thing, I’m glad I did come. I was able to bond with my roommates once again whom I treated like brothers ten years ago and that was nice. A not-so-close dormmate even introduced me to his boyfriend and that’s huuuuge. The bride was beautiful too, and I’m glad she’s in the best place right now after all she’s been through. She’s a strong one, that girl.

January 11. Got invited to a birthday pool party of a colleague at work. I have to say I’m actually quite surprised I was invited to this. She’s always had my back though and always kind of looked after me, so I had to go. It was fun but I didn’t get drunk AT ALL. 

January 12. AND THIS IS WHERE SHIT STARTED HAPPENING. The Taal Volcano erupted. It was awful especially for everyone living near the area because everything was covered with ash. It was also a day before my brother’s birthday and we thought the ashfall would be worse the next day so we decided to celebrate earlier. 

January 19. Went to a fiesta. Did not expect to survive that at all. It was a different kind of neighborhood, but the people were nice. 

January 25. Went to a public market with co-workers to buy clothes, eat chicken wings for dinner and then our regular fix of karaoke. Good times. 

Anything else? I was able to book a birthday trip to Yogyakarta, which I eventually canceled because of youknowwhat. Tragic.

February. Blindside!

February 7. Blindside’s a bitch. Yes, that’s what I had written on my notes. I legitimately felt blindsided. So story: I have a friend who I found out was pregnant (let’s call her Ms. Preggy, sorry) and me and her bestfriend (let’s call him Work Son because he was my work son in a lot of ways) decided to hold an intervention for her. The four of us including a friend I’m going to call The-Now-Bestie (kind of a spoiler) whom I had a misunderstanding and was not in speaking terms with will be coming to Work Son’s place. Essentially, the goal was to make Ms. Preggy open up about her pregnancy and her issues with the douchebag father; make her feel that she has us and she doesn’t need to be alone in this. I think it went well, in that regard. However, the whole thing was awkward in epic proportions. It’s as if me and The-Now-Bestie didn’t want to acknowledge each other’s existence, and when we didn’t have a choice, we were sarcastic to each other. I also really felt like an outsider among the four that time; like I wasn’t supposed to be there and wasn’t really contributing to anything. It was a really lonely feeling. I decided to distance myself to them after that.

February 13. WINNERS AT WAR PREMIERE! Words can’t even express how excited I was to see some of my heroes again on screen! Parvati with that “phoenix rising from the ashes” confessional? Damn, girl! Still a fucking legend! It was also nostalgic Yul working his godfather magic once again. I’ve always seen him as a top-tier winner and someone I looked up to for what he represented to the Asian community and the history of Survivor. It was also nice seeing Kim, Tyson, Tony, Sophie, Natalie and Sandra. But I must say I kind of missed Todd. He was my favorite winner and was a great storyteller, a great strategist and a great character with an amazing comeback story. He would’ve been perfect for a season with this caliber of players. And as much as I hate Jeff Probst for shoving him down our throats, I wanted to see Cochran play with these winners! Caramoan’s my first season (a late superfan, yes) and he’s the very reason I got so hooked with the show. I used to think it’s a game where people like me never win. So to see someone like Cochran who’s awkward in every sense of the word (and owning it) win Survivor, it is very inspiring. I like speaking in metaphors and it’s funny how much metaphorical Survivor can be to how I see life now. I see Cochran and if he can win in Survivor, I feel like I can win in life, as silly as that sounds. Cochran sucked his first season, but he then went on to play this dominant game his second try while still managing to be the adorkable underdog that he is. I love that story. Man, I get so worked up when I talk about Survivor! I wish I had that same passion with anything else.

February 19. Mom slipped and had to be rushed to the nearest ER. Good thing there were no fractures and she was fine. I guess we can thank the fats for that? LOL

February 21 ‘til 23. WEEKEND STAYCATION! I needed this! Drinking at the hotel taproom with a live band? YES! Indian for lunch and surf-and-turf buffet for dinner? YES YES YES! That lamb chops, MY LORD. Thank you.

February 29. Leap Day. I started journaling again. 

March. FUCKING COVID.

March 16. The Start of the Lockdown we all come to love now (punk, sarcasm). 

March 17. Politics is so taboo to discuss especially over dinner. But then BAM. I had a major fight with my dad (and by major, I mean MAJOR in a get-out-of-the-house-in-the-middle-of-the-pandemic kind of major). It was basically about a comment he made that’s so misogynistic (towards the Vice President) that I just knew I can’t just let go. It was sooo bad I got all pissed, and when I’m pissed, I can get scary. Maybe it’s the voice or the eyes or both, but the fight got really heated on the verge of getting physical. Which now that I think about it is stupid just because of fucking different political views. Well, I can never get behind the President and they’re huge fans of him and I’ve come to terms with that but it’s just... bleh. I’m not even gonna try to rationalize it because I can’t. It’s just.. disgusting. Oh fucking well. 

April. Wander-fucking-lust.

April 1. I started a 30-day Financial Detox which basically meant no unnecessary expenses. No online shopping, no paying for leisure. None. It was April Fools, but I was dead-set on saving! (Spoiler alert: I failed.)

April 6. Meltdown. I just really couldn’t hold it in anymore.

April 11. Dad’s birthday. After not talking for over a month (which is no easy feat in a tiny condominium unit), we acknowledged each other’s presence. By April 15, it’s like nothing happened anymore. He even gave me a home haircut (which for a beginner, is pretty good). On other news, I started watching The Politician on Netflix and t’was the day I started obsessing on Ben Platt and his music. 

April 16. A year ago, I was enjoying sidewalk pho and almost making friends at Cu Chi Tunnels and the Saigon Skydeck of the Bitexco Financial Tower in Ho Chi Minh. Damn, covid.

April 18. That crazy border-crossing from Saigon to Phnom Penh a year ago. That was fulfilling. Damn, covid.

April 19. A year ago, I was experiencing sunrise at Angkor Wat. Wander-fucking-lust UGH. 

April 30. That Town Hall shoutout from our company’s President because of reaching my quota from last month. That really felt good. As much as I hate to admit it, I like being validated from time to time. It definitely meant a lot especially coming from her who took a chance on me. I was patting my back.

MAY. Endure. Let Go. 

May 14. KING TONY WON. Very well-deserved win. A disappointment of a season if you ask me, but props to the king for dominating an all-winners season. Respect for that. Also Natalie and Michele played great games as well and they should be very proud of themselves. I feel like a proud father to these winners HAHAHA!

May 16. Was pleasantly surprised with Dead to Me. That car scene between Jen and Judy on that ninth episode from the second season? Damn. That’s one of the few moments I teared up because of a TV show. That was powerful. All that tension building up and then that sudden release? I really felt that.

May 26. Why do I always feel all this fucking rage inside of me? I try to think of any triggers but I can’t seem to find one that’s actually reasonable. It’s like the isolation getting the best of me. I initially thought quarantine’s going to be a cakewalk for an introvert like myself, but it wasn’t the case. I feel like I’m losing my shit because I was stripped off of the usual things I have access to whenever I feel uneasy and anxious and angry like this. Endure, let go, I know. But it’s so much easier said than done, right?

JUNE. Breathe.

June 12. So the plan to sell the condo and find a new place is real. We went to this great place in Valenzuela and it was a great house and all but I felt weird. Maybe I was having trouble letting go? Maybe it’s just me being averse to change yet again?

June 15. Slept 6am for that How To Get Away With Murder series finale. That speech. VIOLA. Chills all over my body. 

June 18. New phone was delivered. That was fast.

June 27. First time visiting the village we moved to. We were checking a different house this time and was already picturing us living there. Still felt weird, but maybe less.

Looking at it now, I realize almost nothing happened in this stretch of months. Pathetic.

JULY. Change (that’s not necessarily good lol)

July 3. The Anti-Terrorism Bill signed. FUCK THE CIRCUS THAT IS THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT. 

July 10. Doomsday. The ABS-CBN renewal disapproved. FUCK THE CIRCUS THAT IS THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT. Also, that first house we checked was bought this day. First heartbreak.

July 22. Decided to donate to one of my elementary teachers to help finance school supplies for his students in the province. That felt good. 

July 24. folklore’s goooood. This is the Taylor Swift sound that I love. (I had to write that down because that was a 2020 highlight to be honest)

AUGUST. Getting older. Again.

August 2. Donated to another cause: to help a really close friend’s mom (who’s a school principal) on financing their students’ lesson modules (they needed more paper so the donation was going to be used to buy more paper). That felt good.

August 3. Started obsessing on Dear Evan Hansen. I mean come on. HOW COME I ONLY KNEW OF THIS NOW?!?! The story, the acting, the soundtrack... it felt like I asked the Lord for a musical for me and he gave this on a silver platter. 

August 9. Lasagna, baked sushi, lechon belly, pansit, cake. Weird combination, I know, but that’s me!

August 11. Discovered the Slowly app. Changed my life since then! I’m not even exaggerating. I guess it has to do with feeling extremely lonely amid the pandemic and getting this platform where you can talk to literally anyone while still keeping your anonymity. And it strips you off of instant gratification you’re so used to because you actually have to wait for your letters to be sent and to arrive. A great exercise for patience if you ask me! And since you have to wait, you make your letters longer and more worthwhile. It’s a platform free of judgment which relies heavily on building actual mental and emotional connections. It’s a gift, truly. NOT EXAGGERATING; YES I’M THAT LONELY.

August 23. The house search continued. This time, the South!

August 24. It was my first time watching a Korean drama and I gotta say I get the hype now. Korea makes great stories and they take their time when telling these stories. The story centering about mental health was definitely what got me to try watching It’s Okay to Not Be Okay, but the show’s so much more than that. That was a great watch.

SEPTEMBER. Finally some light?

September 1. Second year anniversary. I still really miss her.

September 5. My cat’s 5th birthday! Of course we had to celebrate for her with baked macaroni and burnt cheesecake. 

September 11. Lost uncle. He gave a good fight. 

September 19. SENSE8. It’s a show that doesn’t need any explaining. It’s the BEST. I love this cast SO MUCH. I remember thinking if I ever get a tattoo (which is unlikely), I’ll maybe have the title of that Sense8 series finale inked on me. AMOR VINCIT OMNIA. Love conquers all. 

September 27. After a series of unfortunate events, we were led to this house on the same village we keep going back to, and the moment we saw it, we were sold. This is going to be our house. And it happened.

OCTOBER. Surprises?

October 6. Hooked up with someone I probably shouldn’t.

October 12. Booked a trip for next year because I’M HOPEFUL AS FUCK.

October 21. Had the best conversation I had in a long time. 

October 22. Hooked up with someone I probably shouldn’t. 

October 28. Organized a digital event for work. I’m still on the fence whether I’m proud of it or not. It was my first event, and I’ve wanted to do that for a long time. While I enjoyed all the preparation that came with it, from making that tactical marketing plan to coordinating with the organizers and my team, I felt like it was bland. There were lapses here and there and I know that we all tried the best we could, but maybe I just pictured it a little better in my mind? It wasn’t a flawless event and maybe I wanted it to be flawless. But it was fun. I never would’ve imagined me hosting an event, but I did. 

NOVEMBER. Decisions.

November 14. So news came and we’re finally moving. The buyer of the condo got approved and it was only a matter of weeks to settle documents and payment and we’re good to go. I had mixed feelings about it. It took me back to that time we started looking for houses. I wasn’t exactly ready to let go of the place I grew with for the past five years. And I wasn’t also ready to let go of the convenience, and the relationships I only have started building with friends I found along the way. But at that moment I knew I had to be happy because they were happy. My family was happy. I knew I have to be happy.

November 21. Started all the packing. Packing meant decluttering and reminiscing, so letting go of more things which was overwhelming at first, but inevitable. 

November 23. I had something checked in the hospital, and something happened and it wasn’t supposed to go that way but it did and it was so fucking bizarre lol

November 28. HAPPY MOVING DAY. It’s that day of the year. Stress was off the charts because of the time constraint and frankly, the lack of preparedness. Good thing a few people helped us with the rest of the packing. It was an impossible task for me and my sister alone so we were glad we got all the help we needed. I did most of the heavy lifting, so I had bruises all over my body for weeks, but after all was said and done, it felt surreal. Felt like everything coming full circle. That first night in the new home? I’ll never forget that. That was special.

December. The end of an era.

December 2. I went back to the condo to stay for a few more days. Get to feel the place one last time. Also lost a huge deal at work to a competitor. I usually really get depressed with these losses, but for some reason I felt indifferent about it. I guess it was my mind telling me I’ve mentally checked out of work already? That maybe it is really time to move on to something that’ll make me care about what I do again? Make me feel again?

December 4. Met someone (who we can call the Professor) I’ve been talking to for a while now. We’ve had some really great conversations leading to this night; talks at 3AM that’s kind of liberating? I was upfront about the moving and that I only have a few days left in the place which is probably why it happened. Professor was also upfront about leaving the country in a few months for an opportunity to work and do research in Japan for five fucking years. It was awkward at first; but we eventually warmed up to each other and spent the night together. 

December 5. Things escalated pretty quickly. The Professor gave me a shower (that was weird but I was feeling it and I thought it was sweet and sexy?). We cuddled until we slept and there was breakfast prepared when I woke up. I don’t usually get to experience this kind of stuff so I really appreciated that. I was feeling it. I thought I can get used to this! I left the place and was invited back again so I stayed over for another night. We’ve had a few more interesting conversations. I was not expecting some of the things we discussed especially the talk about long-distance relationships. The Professor asked me what I think about it and I was honest; I’m not against it but it’s not something I’ll take a chance on if I wasn’t sure about it. Mantra’s always been connection first before commitment. I’m not the “take a leap of faith” kind-of guy; I needed to be sure. Or at the very least be really mentally and emotionally connected with the person. I thought that made perfect sense. I still do.

December 6. So it was finally goodbye. Me and my sister went to the nearest church to donate a few clothes and shoes and to attend a mass. Bid farewell to the Professor too and promised each other to keep in touch. I also had an awkward encounter with my sister’s “friend” who she sneaked in the condo for God knows what for. Pretty sure they did the nasty.

December 13. We went to our old house (the one I spent my younger years in) to get a few stuff for the new house. I only really wanted to get my old bicycle because I want to be biking regularly for the next year. I want to take that fitness journey seriously! So I got the bike and I got to spend some time with some childhood friends. Good stuff.

December 15. A teammate resigned at work. The funny thing is he did it after getting that 13th month bonus HAHAHA! I can’t blame him though after learning about the salary he gets when he’s performing three functions in the team. That’s insane. But it really made me wonder: am I still in this for the long haul? Or do I move on too?

December 17. So I had my work desk and wardrobe delivered. Felt so nice buying things for my room! 

December 19. We got a new dog! Another French Bulldog. He’s pretty sweet. Someone’s not happy! (MY MOM)

December 22. And then this happened. We were supposed to meet after my dentist appointment (which I only used as an excuse to meet and I thought that was obvious) but the Professor never showed up. I waited for FIVE FREAKIN HOURS. I had like clothes with me because we agreed I sleepover but FUCK. Good thing a friend kept me company, but that was horrible. I thought YOU NEVER DO THAT TO ANYONE. I deserve better.

December 24. We had our house blessed. It was all super spontaneous; we invited a few friends and relatives over and had an intimate gathering. Mom got emotional (AGAIN).

December 27. So Ms. Preggy (from February - oooh that rhymed) had her son baptized. Since she lives a little father from the city, we decided to have a little staycation with some friends there too. The-Now-Bestie and Work Son was there, and we had beer and homecooked food and a slew of great conversations to cap off the year. 

Also December 27. I knew I needed to get something off my chest. And I just had to say it. 

“You’re so unfair. You shouldn’t have done that. Gave me false hopes. Gave me a “3-day trial period” only to disappear without any warning. Made promises you never intended to keep. You could’ve just told me you’re not interested anymore and I would’ve been fine with that but instead, you ghosted me. For the past few weeks since that weekend, it never seemed like you wanted to get to know me better. Or even just keep the communication going. It’s been one-sided and I wonder: has it always been this way? Maybe I’m remembering things differently. I told you I like you and I meant that. I’m still wrapping around my head why and how it happened to be honest. Maybe it’s that weekend? Maybe it’s the conversations leading up to when we first met? I don’t know. But things changed after that and I should ask you for an explanation but it’s really not the point. The point is I thought we can work something out and you hurt me. You may feel like you’re running out of time because of Japan but it’s no excuse to do that to anyone, really. You seem so sure about what you want so I hope you get whatever that is. Merry Christmas. Thanks for the memories.”

That was intense.

December 28. The Professor responded. “I apologize... I am getting attached... I had to “ponder on its implications to me in the long run”... I decided to slow down... It hurts... “That weekend that we met felt like I knew you before”... I am afraid... “You have no idea how hard it is to leave everything behind every 4-5 fucking years not because I wanted it but because I have to”... I still hope to continue whatever we have... “I will always remember you. Please don’t forget about me.”... YADA YADA YADA. 

I know. You know me. I try to empathize as much as possible. But I mean, come on. These are things I already know. It’s not what I needed to hear.

December 31. I needed to say something one last time. There’s already a lot of uncertainties in the world with COVID and life and everything else. I knew I needed answers; I want the binary. I want the black or white for this one. I’m not taking the gray with me next year. So I asked the following questions:

“What do you want from me? Do you want to be friends? Or we stick with occasional catching up on Viber every once in a while (because that’s what it sounds like to me)?”

“What do you want to get from your last two months here? What are you looking for? Just make the most “fun’? Or look for something that will stick?”

“Have you told me anything you really didn’t mean?”

“That one time we talked about long-distance, were you asking me?”

Fast forward to now: I never got the answer I needed. I guess this is one of those rare occasions where no answer is the answer. And after a few weeks of contemplating about it, I am leaving it behind in 2020. 

I’m actually at peace with that.

So there you have it. The suck-fest that is 2020. The first month of the new year wasn’t so bad. I feel this great energy. This year’s going to be different. I did tell you that this letter’s perfect timing. That’s because I’ve resigned and I’m moving on. A friend told me a while ago that he’s proud of me for finally taking action. The 2018 version of myself wouldn’t have done what I did and he was happy for me. I wanted a clean slate and I took it. That I was finally taking ownership of my life. 

I was elated. My friend usually spoils me with compliments and encouragement and my ever reliable negative self-image tend to disagree with him but for the first time in a very long time, it felt right. I’m not usually excited for New Years, but I guess I am?

I say bring it on, 2021.

Until then,

Patheticwithanem

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S4 Ep 25: Oh Hai Mai

Heyyy we’re back. Thank for bearing with me, it’s been kind of chaos over here. Everything from a pandemic (we are very sloooowly reopening over here but I’ve been quarantined so long I can french braid my damn leg hair.) to important political protests, to getting an evacuation order because an arsonist burned down 90 acres in the heat of summer (luckily we’re all fine), to a vole that ate everything in my pandemic self-care garden so I lost my entire mind and waged war and dug so many holes and put out 17 mouse traps and set off so many critter bombs under the ground trying to kill the little bastard like it was Caddyshack (It’s still alive, ps, I lost that war). These last 3 months have been the longest decades of my life. The only month longer was the one where I’m pretty sure I had mono and it made me positive that my basement was haunted.

Man, bring back my haunted basement, Sorry if this comes through in my writing, I tried but, I can’t edit it out. You get FML-Rachel today.

Lets get back to a good, mindless distraction, lets turn on Yugioh.

BUT------->it just so happens that this episode of Yugioh has cop stuff in it, I’m just going to be blunt. We’re going into Valon’s backstory, he’s very much a victim of problems within the bizarre Yugioh legal system, and much like a Gotham supervillain, he is a symptom of the problem more than the cause.

I’m not going to ignore that, but in case you are overwhelmed about that right now, if you want to like...save this for later--I have another FMA recap coming out soon that I wrote in a simpler time before....the corona freakin ruined us all.

Last we left off, we were on the heels of Joey Wheeler, who decided to book it down the street because he wants to murder the hell out of Valon.

Youknow...Joey is one hell of a protagonist. He just does...so MANY antagonistic things.

Joey has decided that although the world is ending, and everyone left alive will be absorbed into the Great Leviathon’s big yummy tummy, which can only be prevented by three people, of which he is one of--he’s going to go sprint in completely the other direction.

We even managed to get Kaiba on board. We were ready. We were done, but then Joey had to lose his freakin mind because that’s just what Joey Wheeler does sometimes.

Normally heroes avoid the call to duty because of a severe lack of self confidence, but this is Joey, and he’s going to avoid the call to duty because of too much self confidence.

And so Joey and his Chaperone turn a corner and walk into this random orc who’s just casually living his best life and touring SF.

One of my worst fears walking through SF, tbh. Running into high school people. Not so much the orcs.

Yo, I wonder what the bushman was doing through all of this? So IRL, we have this guy who just...hides in a bush and jump-scares tourists. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be in a bush and then just...all these orcs show up and you’re all.

...oh no, now I’m the fool...

I just want to know if bushman made it, or if he’s in a paper card that’s just a picture of foliage.

(read more under the cut)

Anyway, Joey was already in the process of running, so they just turned around on this street of...so much parking.

Like y’all there is SO MUCH PARKING this episode. I was trying to pay attention to anything else, but like...do you see this!? It takes nearly half an hour usually to get a spot but this--this right here?

And the crazy thing is, recently my bro had to go pick up some old guy from a cruise that...got quarantined...and so bro had to go the Pier and like--this is what the city looked like. This is a pandemic, it’s just lots of parking, so I want to criticize Yugioh, and I normally would, but I can’t. I’ve seen the receipts. They called it. This is what the endtimes look like and it’s so much parking.

Also, they were too lazy to draw cars but damn, they called it.

So, left with no other option, Joey decides to...be Joey, and punches a huge orc covered in armor.

So Valon’s here, because apparently SF has just...no one left alive in it except for these few kids and that one Uber Eats driver. I imagine it’s a lot easier to find Joey if you just follow the only one screaming in Japanese in a Brooklyn accent at the top of his lungs.

And Valon decides that this one way street isn’t good enough, and that they must duel somewhere else.

I assumed it would be a tall structure, but considering Kaiba just blew up the tallest structures in the Financial District...I was like...what else is tall? And bear in mind, I’m a mess, so I was like...OMG I wish it were Macy’s!!!

Now I hear you saying that’s weird, and we shouldn’t have a very fancy Macy’s in 2020, and you’re correct. but we still have one, and the top floor is just...a massive Cheesecake factory, and I can’t think of anything more 00′s than a Yugioh duel on top of that specific Cheesecake Factory.

And I’ve never really thought before about where the best Yugioh duel would be, and it’s there. It’s at the high rise Cheesecake. Listen Yugioh, if you need an insider to choose locations for your Netflix remake of S4--call me.

So anyways, instead of doing the right thing and going to the Cheesecake Factory on top of Macy’s like any other self respecting 00′s teenager, Valon and Joey are going to drive through the most boring parts of town.

They had an opportunity to go chase eachother through any tourist attraction, Lombard street, Ghirardelli Square, the Palace of Fine Arts, China town, reuse some assets and drive through Japan town, that fountain that looks like Yoda--but no...they decided to drive through literal trash.

Just...a missed opportunity, and it should have been a Cheesecake Factory.

Also, I totally and fully acknowledge that a strange nostalgic affection for the Cheesecake Factory is a weird Millennial thing (much like our weird encyclopedic knowledge of Sailor Moon) but listen. You have your thing, too. You go do you, I’m gonna soak my sorrows in a bowl of Chinese chicken salad so wide, it’ll last me 3 days.

Anyways, Joey’s gonna steal that guy’s bike.

Yugioh just predicting the future in 2003. We actually have a HUGE problem right now with vehicle theft in the city to an almost comedic degree, which is partly why the parking situation has gotten so incredibly dire. It’s kind of incredible that this guy left his bike out because after about 1 day in the city you learn pretty fast that you need to be constantly checking on your street parked vehicle--I mean, that guy was just asking for it, honestly. If Joey hadn’t taken it, some other guy would have absolutely taken it, (even that orc would’ve taken it, the city has no consideration for cars.)

Sorry --one sec-- that was an earthquake just now. As I’m typing this. Just a little guy. Just a little treat for me...

...but still like...c’mon. I’m also getting this weird issue where Tumblr doesn’t save my drafts so like...this is like the 3rd time I’ve had to write this like...I just want to make a Yugioh post for my tiny funtime tv blog, Universe. Don’t @ me right now, Universe.

SO MUCH FREAKIN PARKING.

...is it the space between two piers? What is this? We don’t have rivers in SF, it is a peninsula covered in very steep hills. Like very VERY steep hills. All water just rolls into the ocean and there’s a couple of lake thingies but...no rivers that I know of (And like maybe this is a thing, and I just haven’t seen it? Learn something new every day.)

*loud, audible sigh* home. Where we belong. At the warehousssssssse.

Back at the RV base, Duke Devlin is still babysitting. Maybe this is to make up for the two seasons he spent trying to date a girl Rebecca’s age, that they felt like going out of their way to show that he has indeed no longer horny now. Got to hand it to them, that’s a lot of character development right there. Although at the same time, it has made Duke Devlin a very non-character.

But imagine how insanely complicated would it have been if Duke got involved in that bizarre love-square that is Yugi, Tea, and the Ghost that killed Yugi by accident.

PS that’s either a freeway onramp (which is too far South from where they were, I think) or it sure does look like old Embarcadero behind them. Youknow, that lifted street from the 80′s that fell down in Loma Prieta and was never rebuilt? I just freakin love that it’s still here in 2003. This bizarre Yugioh alternate California.

Anyway, because this is alternate California, Seto set a massive fire and the entire city didn’t immediately go up in flames. Apparently they just kinda ran away from the explosion and damage before anyone noticed.

Probably because most people on Earth are dead anyway, so what more can these two actually do?

And so Yami ends up getting lectured by the wife.

And justifiably, the wife seems to have absolutely no confidence that Yami will be able to do a damn thing right.

Wifes all around this episode.

Speaking of,

At this point, Arthur Hawkins senses that Yami’s nearby, so he opens the door just to freakin dump some guilt on him.

...Rebecca seems to be a character that’s mostly there to recap the lore and also to dump on Yami. I don’t mind that. Yami needs to get dunked more often, and I’m saying that in S4, where the entire season’s tagline is “how many times can we dunk on Yami?”

So lets check on Yugi, how’s that kid doing? It’s been quite a number of episodes since we last saw him.

Yep, still hanging out in the Han Solo cosplay room.

And then, because I guess everyone is just hanging out in the same 4 blocks, Mai and Tristan have a heart-to-heart.

In the show, this conversation was Mai (who is now a serial killer) saying “Oh hey, Tristan, where’s Joey?” and Tristan saying “It’s ALL YOUR FAULT he wants to kill Valon--thanks a lot, Mai! GODS!” all indignant like.

Not how you would ordinarily talk to a serial killer, just saying. No one from the Yugi crew fears this woman...at all...and she has killed over 20 people in front of them and is trying very hard to kill Joey Wheeler all the time.

Like what would it actually take for them to fear this woman? They can’t, right?

Meanwhile, Valon is trying to explain to Joey that his obsession with Mai is in fact damaging any relationship they could have had.

So then when you’re like OK...this is actually very valid points on Valon’s part, and Joey really does need to step back and let people make their mistakes considering Joey was barely a part of her life to begin with. But then, Valon just turns a 180 and...it becomes a catty love triangle where only one person in the triangle even feels romantic emotions.

I just...so Valon is doing this fight because he thinks Mai is in love with Joey.

This whole time I was like “well maybe it’s more that Valon is trying to defend Mai’s right to make her own choices” but no...he just straight up thinks Mai is in love with Joey. And, in fighting Joey, Valon himself is ignoring Mai’s life choices

Just a whole lot of misunderstanding that would have been fixed with better ways than dueling with cards. At least that one guy in S2 who tried to marry Mai actually dueled HER instead of some random guy.

It just really feels like these boys are having a pissing contest and Mai was never let in on the deets that this was even happening.

Mai needs to hang out with older men. Set her up with Roland, this is ridiculous.

Back at the RV, which got very, very big in this shot, Seto has an odd convo with Mokuba about how they are probably not going to get Kaiba Corp back. And then no one really argued with him about that.

He’s taking it really well. Maybe because this isn’t even the first time or the second time or even really the third time Seto’s lost everything. Kid’s really freakin great at failure. At least this time Mokuba isn’t currently abducted, which is really good improvement for these two.

Outside the RV, Tristan has decided to...give up as well, just right here, in the middle of traffic. Then he gets Orc’d...these orcs are kind of like Slenderman, in that they kinda...show up...but then that’s all they do because the designers didn’t actually want to animate anything.

And then this happens.

God bless this story boarder for this random series of events presented in just this way.

Also here’s yet another example where Tea just has...no fear. She’s actually only out here because she was like “that’s it, we’re getting another driver” and was going to chew out Duke Devlin. The Orc being in the middle of the road was not the reason she walked out here.

Anyways, Yami killed it because everyone here can just throw cards forever, these things are not threatening.

The subplot of everyone refusing to drive with Duke Devlin after he busted his car in Death Valley is still ongoing, and it’s still low key hilarious that no one will outright say “Duke, your driving is just so bad” and instead, Duke just has to sit there and watch Joey STEAL A MOTORCYCLE just so he won’t have to drive shotgun with Duke Devlin.

Rebecca, our plot-dump device, then informs us that Valon has Special Rules.

Because Valon, if you’ve forgotten, has a card that allows him to physically punch his opponent in the face.

They should have invented that card a long time ago TBH.

SO, lets get into Valons tragic backstory. First off, go turn on your Les Mis Soundtrack, because this is some old school cop stuff.

So apparently Valon, as a child just...stayed in the system forever. We don’t know why yet, but lets just assume that it’s tragic and heavy handed. If he steals a loaf of bread and ends up in 12 Juvies (which is a line from the show and not an exaggeration--12 Juvies) then I will expect him to be singing by the end of this and I will be very disappointed if he does not.

Anyways, he was such an asshole, that he caught the attention of some very illegal rich bastard who was trying to turn prisoners into...card murders. (it was Dartz.) because apparently...Dartz also funds prisons and that is...that is some deep lore.

And so probably about the same time that Yugi was Dueling to the death on Pegasus’ Island, and about the same time that Marik was hanging out in the ocean next to Pegasus’ Island with a pair of binoculars, and about the same time that Noah was underneath Pegasus’ Island just watching Pegasus steal KaibaCorp, Dartz decided to make his OWN murder island--because I guess he got jealous.

Anyway, Valon won, and didn’t even need to set anyone on fire.

Those little green things there--those are all souls of prison inmates.

YUGIOH.

Millennials got DARK, OK? Freakin...we had a show for 9 year olds that went deep into the school-to-prison pipeline and didn’t even try to hide it under any layers of symbolism. Like Hunger Games at least had two people survive.

This was a show to sell PAPER CARDS.

+++++++++++THIS IS A RANT WHERE I WENT OFF ABOUT PRISON TALK IN KID’S SHOWS FEEL FREE TO SKIP++++++++++++++++++++

Now, there’s a lot of good conversation going on right now about errors in the modern justice system on not just a local scale, but on a global scale, especially regarding racial profiling and criminalization of poor, sick, and young, and we better keep pushing it. But it’s surprising when people pretend like this hasn’t been talked about for a long time. Because...we’ve been talking about it in kids and YA shows for a long time. This is not something that just popped up in 2020.

Like millennials didn’t invent this obsession with dark and gritty stories with uncomfortable themes. It’s been around for thousands of years, but back in the 90′s and 00′s, a lot of shows for YA and younger enjoyed talking about the problems with prisons and abuse of power with our justice systems--a lot. Batman, X-men, Death Note, so so many, hell, even the OC.

And like, don’t get me wrong, we still have these shows running around, but I’ve been there’s been a trend of stories (not saying names) where just...nothing bad happens. And, that’s kind of sad because...they CAN have small elements that are more progressive in them, but only brought forth with a very risk-free cotton candy fluffy coating to make the majority of the population happy.

I could go long about this, and I’m getting very cryptic. If a kid escapes to more colorful worlds where nothing bad ever happens, that’s OK--sometimes you need that, but when nothing bad ever happens surrounding certain experiences where bad things normally happen--the meaning of the story changes because it isn’t a real experience anymore.

Like I don’t want to tangent too much, and I just had to delete a lot of examples, but I know a lot of people want to write stories about misrepresented minorities and about real deal serious situations and are just so afraid of misrepresentation that they go in completely the wrong direction by not putting in anything uncomfortable at all. I think it’s important to look at the work and ask yourself is this about the minority the work should be about--or is this work about patting the majority of the population on the back and saying neat, we’ve achieved utopia without having to even do anything?

...anyway, obvi I’m ranting, but I feel like we’re taking a step backwards when it comes to the importance of kids programming and that we do need to talk to kids about prison again. This is a show about paper cards, and they don’t do a great job at talking about...the reality of prison, this was exaggerated with genre stereotypes, but at least they didn’t cover it with rainbows and unicorns, because this isn’t about how great Joey and the “normal” people are at saving Valon, this is about how society screwed Valon beyond repair, and I am 99% certain we will see this guy’s soul stuffed in a brick above Dartz’ snake fireplace.

Like, yeah he duels to the death on an island, but that’s imagery that is very close to real life prison issues. We don’t talk to kids a lot about how a lot of inmates get enlisted into the military during war times (and quite literally...duel to their death...on islands). We don’t talk about how we use inmates to betray eachother for a chance at maybe getting amnesty. We don’t talk about how a lot of the victims of this system are essentially children, and have been caught in a system of endless prison for what will probably be the rest of their lives. We don’t talk about how we’re systematically turning kids into criminals so much in kid’s shows of late...and Freakin Yugioh just did in a filler season. 

....................I think our standard for modern kids programming to talk about serious issues is way too low if Yugioh just threw this out there in a filler season, is all I’m saying.

++++++++++++++++++END OF PRISON RANT++++++++++++++++++++++

 So, Valon is free but...is he?

Not really, he’s just gone from one jailer to another, but at least this time he gets his own room. Don’t blame him for latching onto Dartz’ dream to end the world, because the world for him has been one behind bars. He doesn’t know it. Never been there.

It’s just interesting juxtaposed to Joey because Joey had some sort of Season Zero history with a gang and I haven’t watched that episode yet.

So that’s it for now, again, I’m very slooow lately. I slept for 3 hours today...and I don’t know why. But hey--we all got through three (four???) months of this...we just gotta go...one month at a time.

That and I accidentally did my taxes early so there’s that. See? Good things still happen.

Also, because I only slightly referenced the most incredible movie ever made on San Fransisco soil, I’ll just leave this here. The true hallmark of our city.

Anyway you know the drill, here’s the link

[werevulvi]

What are some things you love about your country? Then what are some things you abhor?

Things I love about Sweden: - The healthcare system. Honestly. It's not perfect but it's MUCH better than the US and many other European countries. If I'd move to another country and could only bring one thing, it'd be the healthcare system.

- That many people here are very tolerant and polite, even if they might think nasty things about others, Swedes aren't particularly likely to be outright mean, harass, violent, etc. At least not in the countryside and smaller cities. Sure, crimes happen even in my small village, but it's very rare and 99% of them are drug related.

- The nature is really nice. Lots of forest and a rich wildlife. I grew up around a really old forest with huge trees that had been growing for hundreds of years. I could see the Northern Lights on the sky just above the house. Lots of greens, fields of flowers, etc. On this island I live now there are wild horses and wild bunnies. Swedish nature can be the stuff of fairytales, almost, and I think that's really beautiful and mesmerising.

- Is mostly neutral when it comes to wars and hasn't been in a war (officially/directly) since like the 1600's. (Still makes and sells weaponry to war torn countries, but still.)

- The words "lagom" and "orka" are priceless, but unfortunately not translatable. "Lagom" roughly means "just enough" or like "perfect" but un-enthusiastically. "Orka" refers to lacking energy, willpower, or both, for doing something or caring about something. Both these words can also get really funny when used in humour, etc.

- Very much personal opinion, but I really like the rich viking history that my country has. The old runestones that have been found all over, ancient jewellery, clothing, weaponry, tools, etc. My dad used to be an archeologist so I heard about it already from early childhood. I've also been fascinated by the Old Norse Religion (Asatro) and the mythology surrounding it ever since I was a kid. My new name that I'm changing to officially (meaning my actual irl name) comes from it: Sigvard. I mean, I just always really liked that that's the history my ancestors come from! (Too bad Christianity came and ruined it all.)

- Speaking of religion, I also really like that Sweden separates the state from the Church and thus is politically atheist. We still have religious freedom, but religion is not allowed to interfere with politics. However, politics (meaning political parties/government) are allowed to interfere with religion. I think statistically, most Swedes are atheistic Christians. Which means they're just members of the church and celebrate Christmas but don't believe in God or the Bible or anything.

- Very area specific, but the city closest to me is mostly still preserved medieval buildings, etc. So it's very beautiful, unique, withering a bit, and slightly dangerous to run around in due to very steep hills and gnarly alleys. The whole island I live on is a bit special like that and is basically a huge tourist trap. (I love what the place looks like, but I hate the tourists!)

- Having Swedish as one's native language makes it much easier to learn other languages and to not have a particularly strong accent or mis-pronounciations. This is because of how the Swedish language is built, in terms of pronounciation, melody, etc.

- It's generally very LGBT friendly, was one of the first (7th) countries to allow gay marriage (2009) and one of the first to allow gender transitions (back in 1973) which is good in general, despite it's deeply soaked in libfem.

- We had Astrid Lindgren, Alfred Nobel, Anders Celsius, Gustav Vasa, and many other interesting people that made history. Also ABBA and Ace of Base!

Things I abhor about Sweden: - Expect yearly vitamin D deficieny, from October to March.

- The immigration policy is bad. In like... all possible ways it can be bad. Kick out the law-abiding decent immigrants who try their hardest to make life better - and let the criminals who can't be fucked to care stay. Take in more immigrants than there are resources to help. We're totally out of housing, healthcare resources, jobs, space in education, etc, and going over our limits increasingly by the day. I can't move to Stockholm or anywhere off this island because of this and it SUCKS ass. It's NOT the fault of the immigrants, it's the fault of the government making shitty choices to avoid a financial collapse by trying to replace the elderly with younger immigrants (to work to increase the economy,) basically. The European Union is also to blame, because it's pushing the countries to take in more immigrants than there are resources to accommodate for. It's a mess and I'm morbidly curious how that all is gonna end. Probably not well.

- Speaking of the government, it is useless, retarded and even the "conservative" parties are hopelessly libfem.

- News media is almost all (libfem) biased, and most people don't get that they're being sold half-lies en masse. Hence the sad result of governemt and why people keep voting for them, many people are “woke” and why I'm so despondent about it all. Send halp plz.

- The country is handling the corona situation VERY badly. Like really, really badly. No one wears masks, people don't give a shit about social distancing, schools were never closed off when the pandemic hit, and the government refused to react to it in a decent enough time. Testing for corona pretty much doesn't even happen. Many, MANY old people die from it and are refused hospital care, etc. I've heard so many horrible stories it hurts my heart. Elderly people being mistreated on a state level is just beyond awful. They worked for my country to be what it is today (please see the list of what I love about Sweden) and do NOT deserve such a horrible fate.

- Speaking of old people, the elderly care is worse than how people in prison are treated here. LITERALLY. I wish I was joking. Their health care, hygiene, food, etc, is at a much lower quality than that of incarcerated people. If I ever get Alzheimer I'm gonna just shoot myself, rather than end up in a retirement home. (To clarify I'm NOT planning suicide, this is a JOKE. But it's also an important reflection on the sad reality of Swedish retirement homes.) And let's not even talk about my parents and their future prospects.

- Dentistry is not included in the good health care system. So you have to pay for it out of pocket as soon as you turn 18, basically, and it's not cheap.

- Streets/railroads are not getting properly cleared from snow in the winters and every, I mean EVERY god damn year traffic collapses nationwide because snow happened. As if it was a surprise that snow would happen. As if other snow-ridden countries don't know how to handle the snow... *

Okay I should probably stop this list now, lol, it's getting out of hand! I hope it was entertaining, interesting, shocking, or something of value!

[hiriajuu-suffering]

30 days to 30

I guess when ageism has made such a surreal impact on ones life, you play up hallmarks in your head when you're supposed to believe they mean so little. Because you know how much more significant it is to other people than you.

Truth be told, I got nothing as a milestone. Between how much I struggle to get much productive done and the crazy level to which I have underachieved in life since the pandemic truly kicked off in the United States, I'm not sure what to look forward to in the coming month. My father conceived me before he turned 31 and I won't be in a financial or personal position to reproduce responsibly at the same point in my life. Well, unless something truly remarkable happens in the coming months.

Maybe I should've surrendered my individuality for the seamless life society pigeonholed me into, being the feudal progeny of what my family expects of me. As much as I never wanted money to be the end I worked towards professionally, it's what's always been expected of me. I, as 2nd generation Desi Muslim American male, can't have a calling in life. I'm still part of this country's entrepreneurial immigrant class, even though I was born and raised in, never having resided outside of, Texas. What I desire most is to no longer be otherized, but it may be an ambition too lofty for my lifetime.

I hope this year is transformative in a real way. A graduation, potential career shift, and a stabilization of personal relationships ought to do it, but damn, if I don't live just to be disappointed. Hopefully at least I know where I'll be that weekend by now. That's all I can hope for when I've been barely surviving for over 2 years. Give me meaning in life again, the type of meaning I had before being there for instead of because of my mother was ever a priority. I want to be valuable to those I care for not because of the resources I've earned to muster but because my presence is a beacon of morality for how life ought to be lived. Kindly, generously, genuinely, where a person's spirit is valued above their material outcome.

Over 30 years, I've already incurred so much loss: the loss of life around me, the loss of people retaining a presence in my life, the loss of potential to meaningful or even just fruitful relationships since I'm just not worth investing in to most. I want to feel gain in my life, like maybe there's a path forward rich with meaning for me. I can only hope, wish, and pray I will be allowed to have that, someday.

[aion-rsa]

Upcoming Must-See Movies in 2021

https://ift.tt/2LtrBLV

It’s 2021. Finally. If you’re reading this, it means you’ve hopefully gotten through the wreckage of last year unscathed and are ready for a brighter future. And if you’re also a movie lover, this certainly includes a trip (or 20) back to the cinemas. Although a month into the new year, and our hope for a better tomorrow has faded a bit–especially with new COVID variants spreading. Yet there is reason to remain warily optimistic. Yes, including about theaters

For nearly a year now cinemas have remained largely dormant, and given the already shuffling 2021 film calendar, that will continue for the foreseeable future. However, studios (with one notable exception) remain mostly committed to getting new films to the theater this year, and the current 2021 film slate gives reasons to be hopeful.

Indeed, 2021 promises many of the most anticipated films from last year, plus new surprises. From the superhero variety like Black Widow to the art house with Wes Anderson’s The French Dispatch, 2021 could be a much needed respite. So below is just a sampling of what to expect from the year to come…

Judas and the Black Messiah

February 12

It’s kind of hard to wrap one’s head around the annual “Oscar race” in a year when little trophies don’t seem so damn important, but Warner Bros. feels strongly enough about this movie that it’s getting it into theaters and on HBO Max right in the thick of the pandemic-delayed awards season. And judging by the marketing, it’s bringing heat with it.

Shaka King directs and co-writes the story of Fred Hampton (Daniel Kaluuya), who became the chairman of the Illinois chapter of the Black Panther Party in the late 1960s and was murdered in cold blood by police in 1969. LaKeith Stanfield plays William O’Neal, a petty criminal who agreed to help the FBI take Hampton down. This promises to be incendiary, relevant material — and it’s almost here.

Minari

February 12

Lee Isaac Chung directs Steven Yeun–now fully shaking off his years as Glenn on The Walking Dead–in this semi-autobiographical film about a South Korean family struggling to settle down in rural America in the 1980s. Premiering nearly a year ago at the Sundance Film Festival, where it won both the U.S. Dramatic Grand Jury Prize and the U.S. Dramatic Audience Award, Minari had a quick one-week virtual release in December, with a number of critics placing it on their Top 10 lists for 2020.

Its story of immigration and assimilation currently has a perfect 100 percent score on Rotten Tomatoes, with critics lauding its heart, grace, and sensitivity. A few of ours also considered it among 2020’s best.

Nomadland

February 19

Utilizing both actors and real people, director Chloé Zhao (The Rider, Marvel’s upcoming Eternals) chronicles the lives of America’s “forgotten people” as they travel the West searching for work, companionship and community. A brilliant Frances McDormand stars as Fern, a woman in her mid-60s who lost her husband, her house, and her entire previous existence when her town literally vanished following the closure of its sole factory.

Zhao’s film quietly flows from despair to optimism and back to despair again, the hardscrabble lives of its itinerant cast (many of them actual nomads) foregrounded against often stunning–if lonely–vistas of the vast, empty American countryside.

I Care a Lot

February 19

A solid cast, led by Rosamund Pike, Peter Dinklage, Chris Messina, and Dianne Wiest, star in this satirical crime drama from director J. Blakeson (The Disappearance of Alice Creed). Pike plays Marla, a con artist whose scam is getting herself named legal guardian of her elderly marks and then draining their assets while sticking them in nursing homes. She’s ruthless and efficient at it, until she meets a woman (Wiest) whose ties to a crime boss (Dinklage) may prove too much of a challenge for the wily Marla. It was one of our favorites out of Toronto last year.

The Father

February 26

Anthony Hopkins gives a mesmerizing, and deeply tragic, performance as Anthony, an elderly British man whose descent into dementia is reflected by the film itself, which plays with time, setting, and continuity until both Anthony and the viewer can no longer tell what is real and what is not. Olivia Colman is equally moving as his daughter, who wants to get on with her own life even as she watches her father’s disintegrate in front of her.

We saw The Father last year at the AFI Fest and it ended up being a favorite of 2020; Hopkins is unforgettable in this bracing, heartbreaking work, which is stunningly adapted by first-time director Florian Zeller from his own award-winning play.

Chaos Walking

March 5

This constantly postponed sci-fi project has become one of those “we’ll believe it when we see it” films until it actually comes out. Shot nearly three and a half years ago by director Doug Liman, Chaos Walking has undergone extensive reshoots and was at one point reportedly deemed unreleasable.

Based on the book The Knife of Letting Go, it places Tom Holland (Spider-Man: Far From Home) and Daisy Ridley (The Rise of Skywalker) on a distant planet where Ridley, the only woman, can hear the thoughts of all the men due to a mysterious force called the Noise.

Raya and the Last Dragon

March 5

Longtime Walt Disney Animation Studios head of story, Paul Briggs (Frozen), will make his directorial debut on this original Disney animated fantasy, which draws upon Eastern traditions to tell the tale of a young warrior who goes searching for the world’s last dragon in the mysterious land of Kumandra. Cassie Steele will voice Raya while Awkwafina (The Farewell) will portray Sisu the dragon.

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Disney Animation has been nearly invincible in recent years with other hits like Moana and Zootopia, so watch for this one to be another major hit for the Mouse.

Coming 2 America

March 5

The notion of whether nostalgia-based properties are still viable has cropped up repeatedly in the last few years. However, streaming, which is where Coming 2 America finds itself headed post-COVID, makes golden oldies much safer. This sequel—based on a 32-year-old comedy that was one of Eddie Murphy’s most financially successful hits—sees Murphy back as Prince Akeem, of course, along with Arsenio Hall returning as his loyal friend Semmi.

The plot revolves around Akeem’s discovery, just as he is about to be crowned king, that he has a long-lost son living in the States (we’re not sure how that happened, but let’s just go with it). That, of course, necessitates another visit to our shores—that is, if Akeem and Semmi presumably don’t get stopped at the border. The film reunites Murphy with Dolemite is My Name director Craig Brewer, so perhaps they can make some cutting-edge social comedy out of this?

Godzilla vs. Kong

March 26

Here we are, at last at the big punch up between Godzilla and King Kong. They both wear a crown, but in the film that Warner Bros. and Legendary Pictures have been building toward since 2014, only one can walk away with the title of the king of all the monsters.

Admittedly, not everyone loved the last American Godzilla movie, Godzilla: King of the Monsters, but we sure did. Still, Godzilla vs. Kong should be a different animal with Adam Wingard (You’re Next, The Guest) taking over directorial duties. It also has a stacked cast with some familiar faces (Kyle Chandler, Millie Bobby Brown, and Ziyi Zhang) and plenty of new ones (Alexander Skarsgård, Eiza González, Danai Gurira, Lance Reddick, and more).

It’ll probably be better than the original, right? And hey with its HBO Max rollout, questions of a poor box office run sure are conveniently mooted!

Mortal Kombat

April 16

Not to be deterred by the relative failure of Sony’s Monster Hunter in theaters at the tail end of 2020, Warner Bros. is giving this venerable video game franchise another shot at live-action cinematic glory after two previous tries in the 1990s. Director Simon McQuoid makes his feature debut while the script comes from Dave Callaham (Wonder Woman 1984, Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings) and the cast includes a number of actors you’ve seen in other films but can’t quite place.

The plot? Who knows! But we’re guessing it will feature gods, demons, and warriors battling for control of the 18 realms in various fighting tournaments. What else do you want?

Black Widow

May 7

Some would charitably say it arrives a decade late, but Black Widow is finally getting her own movie. This is fairly remarkable considering she became street pizza in Avengers: Endgame, but this movie fits snugly between the events of Captain America: Civil War and Avengers: Infinity War. It also promises to be the most pared down Marvel Studios movie since 2014’s Captain America: The Winter Soldier, and that’s a good thing.

In the film, Scarlett Johansson’s Natasha Romanoff is on the run after burning her bridges with the U.S. government and UN. This brings her back to the spy games she thought she’d escaped from her youth, and back in the orbit of her “sister” Yelena (Florence Pugh). Old wounds are ripped open, old Soviet foes, including David Harbour as the Red Guardian and Rachel Weisz as Nat and Yelena’s girlhood instructor, are revealed, and many a fight sequence with minimal CGI will be executed.

How’s that for a real start to Phase 4? Of course that’s still assuming this comes out before The Eternals after it was delayed, again, due to the coronavirus pandemic.

Those Who Wish Me Dead

May 14

Taylor Sheridan is among the best writers in moviemaking right now. Having all but cornered the niche around modern Westerns, he’s responsible for the scripts for Hell or High Water, both Sicarios, and Wind River, the latter of which he also directed. He’s back in the director’s chair again for Those Who Wish Me Dead, which has been described as a “female-driven neo-Western” set in the Montana wilderness. It is there a teenager witnesses a murder, and he finds himself on the run from twin assassins, and in need of protection from a likely paranoid survivalist. The film stars Angelina Jolie, Jon Bernthal, Nicholas Hoult, Tyler Perry, Aidan Gillen, Jake Weber, and Finn Little.

Spiral

May 21

Chris Rock has co-written the story for a new take on the Saw franchise. Never thought we’d write those words! The fact that it also stars Rock, as well as Samuel L. Jackson, is likewise head-turning. It looks like they’re going for legitimate horror with Darren Lynn Bousman attached to direct after helming three of the Saw sequels, and its grisly pre-COVID trailer from last year.

Hopefully this will be better than most of the franchise that came before, and given the heavily David Fincher-influenced tone of the first trailer, we’re willing to cross our fingers and play this game.

Free Guy

May 21

What would you do if you discovered that you were just a background character in an open world video game—and that the game was soon about to go offline? That’s the premise of this existential sci-fi comedy from director Shawn Levy, best known for the Night at the Museum series and as an executive producer and director on Stranger Things. Ryan Reynolds stars as Guy, a bank teller who discovers that his life is not what he thought it was, and in fact isn’t even real—or is it? We’ve seen a preview of footage, so we’d suggest you think Truman Show, if Truman was trapped in Grand Theft Auto.

F9

May 28

Just when you thought this never-say-die franchise had shown us everything it could possibly dream up, it ups the stakes one more time: the ninth entry in the Fast and Furious saga (excluding 2019’s Hobbs and Shaw) will reportedly take Dom Toretto (Vin Diesel) and his cohorts into space as they battle Dom’s long-lost brother Jakob (John Cena, making a long-overdue debut in this series). Michelle Rodriguez, Tyrese Gibson, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Jordana Brewster, Helen Mirren, and Charlize Theron all also return, as does director Justin Lin, who took a two-film break from his signature series. Expect to see the required physics-defying stunts, logic-defying action and even more talk about “family” than usual.

Cruella

May 28

Since Disney has already made an animated 101 Dalmatians in 1961 and a live-action remake in 1996, it is apparently time to tell the story again Maleficent-style. Hence we now focus on the viewpoint of iconic villainess Cruella de Vil, played this time by Emma Stone. She’s joined in the movie by Emma Thompson, Paul Walter Hauser, and Mark Strong, with direction handled by Craig Gillespie (sort of a step down from 2017’s I, Tonya, if you ask us).

The story has been updated to the 1970s, but Cruella–now a fashion designer–still covets the fur of dogs for her creations. This is a Mouse House joint, so don’t expect it to get too dark, and don’t be completely surprised if it ends up as a premium on Disney+ in lieu of its already delayed theatrical release.

Infinite

May 28

This sci-fi yarn from director Antoine Fuqua (The Equalizer) stars Mark Wahlberg as a man experiencing what he thinks are hallucinations, but which turn out to be memories from past lives. He soon learns that there is a secret society of people just like him, except that they have total recall of their past identities and have acted to change the course of history throughout the centuries.

Based on the novel The Reincarnationist Papers by D. Eric Maikranz, this was originally a post-Marvel vehicle for Chris Evans. He dropped out, and the combination of Fuqua and Wahlberg hints at something more action-oriented than the rather cerebral premise suggests. The film also stars Sophie Cookson, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Dylan O’Brien.

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It

June 4

James Wan is already directing a new horror film this year so he’s stepping away from the directorial duties on the third film based on the paranormal investigations of Ed and Lorraine Warren (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga). That task has fallen to Michael Chaves (The Curse of La Llorona), so expect plenty of the same Wan Universe touches: heavy atmosphere, superb use of sound, and shocking, eerie visuals.

Details are scarce, but the plot—like the other two Conjuring films—is taken from the true-life case of a man who went on trial for murder and said as his defense that he was possessed by a demon when he committed his crimes. That’s all we know for now, except that, intriguingly, Mitchell Hoog and Megan Ashley Brown have been cast as younger versions of the Warrens.

In the Heights

June 18

Lin-Manuel Miranda’s first Broadway hit musical gets the big screen treatment (by way of HBO Max) from director Jon M. Chu (Crazy Rich Asians). Set in Washington Heights over the course of a three-day heat wave, the plot and ensemble cast carry echoes of both Rent and Do the Right Thing. While a success on the stage—if not quite the cultural phenomenon that Miranda’s next show, Hamilton—it remains to be seen whether In the Heights can strike a chord with streaming audiences.

Luca

June 18

Continuing its current run of all-new, non-sequel original films started in 2020 with Onward and Soul, Pixar will unveil Luca this summer. Directed by Enrico Casarosa–making his feature debut after 18 years with the animation powerhouse–the film tells the story of a friendship between a human being and a sea monster (disguised as another human child) on the Italian Riviera. That’s about all we have on it for now, except that the cast includes Drake Bell and John Ratzenberger.

Pixar’s recent track record has included masterpieces like Inside Out, solid sequels like Toy Story 4, and shakier propositions like The Incredibles 2, but we don’t have any indication yet of what to expect from Luca.

Venom: Let There Be Carnage

June 25

Can anyone honestly say that 2018’s Venom was a “good” movie? A batshit insane movie, yes, and perhaps even an entertaining one in its own nutty way, but good or not, it made nearly a billion bucks at the box office so here we are.

Tom Hardy will return to peel more scenery down with his teeth as both Eddie Brock and his fanged, towering alien symbiote while Woody Harrelson will fulfill his destiny and play Cletus Kasady, aka Carnage, the perfected hybrid of psychopathic serial killer and red pile of vicious alien goo. Let the carnage begin!

Top Gun: Maverick

July 2

It’s been 34 years since Tom Cruise first soared through the skies as hotshot pilot Pete “Maverick” Mitchell, and he’ll take to the air once more in a sequel that also features Val Kilmer, Jennifer Connelly, Miles Teller, Jon Hamm, and more. The flying and action sequences from director Joseph Kosinski (who worked with Cruise on Oblivion) will undoubtedly be first-rate, but the studio (Paramount) has to be nervous after seeing one nostalgia-based franchise after another (Blade Runner, Charlie’s Angels, Terminator, The Shining) crash and burn recently.

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

July 10

With Shang-Chi, Marvel Studios hopes to do for Asian culture what the company did with the groundbreaking Black Panther nearly three years ago: create another superhero epic with a non-white lead and a mythology steeped in a non-Western culture. Simu Liu stars in the title role as the “master of kung fu,” who must do battle with the nefarious Ten Rings organization and its leader, the Mandarin (the “real” one, not the imposter from Iron Man 3, played here by the legendary Tony Leung). Director Destin Daniel Cretton (Just Mercy) will open up a whole new corner of the Marvel Cinematic Universe with this story and character, whose origins stretch back to 1973.

The Forever Purge

July 9

One day nearly eight years ago, you went to see a low-budget dystopian sci-fi/horror flick called The Purge, and the next thing you know, it’s 2021 and you’re getting ready to see the fifth and allegedly final entry in the series (which has also spawned a TV show). Written by creator James DeMonaco and directed by Everardo Gout, the film will once again focus on the title event, an annual 12-hour national bacchanal in which all crime, even murder, is legal. How this ends the story, and where and when it falls into the context of the rest of the films, remains a secret for now. Filming was completed back in February 2020, with the film’s release delayed from last summer by the COVID-19 pandemic.

Space Jam: A New Legacy

July 16

There are two types of folks when it comes to the original Space Jam of 1996: those who were between the ages of three and 11 when it came out, and everyone else. In one camp it is an unsightly relic of ‘90s cross-promotional cheese; in the other, it’s a sports movie classic. Luckily for kids today, NBA star LeBron James was 11 for most of ’96, and he’s bringing back the hoops and the Looney Tunes in Space Jam: A New Legacy.

The film will be among the many Warner Bros. pics premieres on HBO Max and in theaters this year, and it will see King James share above-the-title credits with Bugs Bunny. All is as it should be.

The Tomorrow War

July 23

An original IP attempting to be a summer blockbuster? As we live and breathe. The Tomorrow War marks director Chris McKay’s first foray into live-action after helming The Lego Batman Movie. The film stars Chris Pratt as a soldier from the past who’s been “drafted by scientists” to the present in order to fight off an alien invasion overwhelming our future’s military. One might ask why said scientists didn’t use their fancy-schmancy time traveling shenanigans to warn about the impending aliens, but here we are.

Jungle Cruise

July 30

Disney dips into its theme park rides again as a source for a movie, hoping that the Pirates of the Caribbean lightning will strike once more. This time it’s the famous Adventureland riverboat ride, which is free enough of a real narrative that one has to wonder why some five screenwriters (at least) worked on the movie’s script.

Jaume Collet-Serra (The Shallows) directs stars Dwayne Johnson and Emily Blunt down this particular river, as they battle wild animals and a competing expedition in their search for a tree with miraculous healing powers. The comic chemistry between Johnson and Blunt is key here, especially if they really can mimic Bogie and Hepburn in the similarly plotted The African Queen. If they can sell that, Disney might just have a new water-based franchise to replace their sinking Pirates ship.

The Green Knight

July 30

David Lowery, the singular director behind A Ghost Story and The Old Man & the Gun, helmed a fantasy adaptation of the Arthurian legend of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. And his take on the material was apparently strong enough to entice A24 to produce it. Not much else is yet known about the film other than its cast, which includes Dev Patel, Alicia Vikander, Ralph Ineson, and Kate Dickie–and that it’s another casualty of COVID, with its 2020 release date being delayed last year. So this is one we’re definitely going to keep an eye on.

The Suicide Squad

August 6

Arguably the most high-profile of the WB films being transitioned to HBO Max, The Suicide Squad is James Gunn’s soft-reboot of the previous one-film franchise. It’s kind of funny WB went in that direction when the first movie generated more than $740 million, but when the reviews and word of mouth were that toxic… well, you get the guy who did Guardians of the Galaxy to fix things.

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Elements from the original movie are still here, most notably Margot Robbie’s Harley Quinn and Viola Davis’ Amanda Waller, but the film promises to be weirder, meaner, and also sillier. The first points are proven by its expected R-rating, and the latter is underscored by its giant talking Great White Shark. Okay, we’ll bite.

Deep Water

August 13

Seedy erotic thrillers and neo noirs bathed in shadows and sex are largely considered a thing of the past—specifically 1980s and ‘90s Hollywood cinema. Maybe that’s why Deep Water hooked Adrian Lyne (Fatal Attraction, Indecent Proposal) to direct. The throwback is based on a 1957 novel by the legendary Patricia Highsmith (The Talented Mr. Ripley), and it pits a disenchanted married couple against each other, with the bored pair playing mind games that leave friends and acquaintances dead. That the couple in question is played by Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas, who’ve since become a real life item, will probably get plenty of attention close to release.

Respect

August 13

Respect is the long-awaited biopic of the legendary Aretha Franklin, with the Queen of Soul herself involved in its development for years until her death in August 2018. Authorized biopics always make one wonder how accurate the film will be, but then again, Aretha had nothing to be ashamed of. Hers was a life well-lived, her voice almost beyond human comprehension, and the only thing now is to see whether star Jennifer Hudson (Franklin’s personal choice) and director Liesl Tommy (making her feature debut) can do the Queen justice.

The King’s Man

August 20

This might be a weird thing to say: but has World War I ever seemed so stylish? It is with Matthew Vaughn at the helm.

An origin story of sorts for the organization that gave us Colin Firth and the umbrella, The King’s Man is a father and son yarn where Ralph Fiennes’ Duke of Oxford is reluctant about his son Conrad (Harris Dickinson) joining the war effort. But they’ll both be up to it as the Duke launches an intelligence gathering agency independent from any government. It also includes Gemma Arterton, Matthew Goode, and Aaron Taylor-Johnson as charter members.

Oh, and did we mention they fight Rasputin?

Candyman

August 27

In some ways it’s surprising that it’s taken this long—28 years, notwithstanding a couple of sequels—to seriously revisit the original Candyman. Director Bernard Rose’s original adaptation of the Clive Baker story, “The Forbidden,” is still relevant and effective today. Back then, the film touched on urban legends, poverty, and segregation: themes that are still ripe for exploration through a genre touchstone today.

After her breathtaking feature directorial debut, Little Woods, Nia DaCosta helmed this bloody reboot while working from a screenplay co-written by Jordan Peele (Get Out). That’s a powerful combination, even before news came down DaCosta was helming Captain Marvel 2. And with an actor on-the-cusp of mega-stardom, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, picking up Tony Todd’s gnarly hook, this is one to watch out for.

The Beatles: Get Back

August 27

Peter Jackson seems to enjoy making films about what inspired him in his youth: The Lord of the Rings, King Kong, his grandfather’s World War I service informing They Shall Not Grow Old. So perhaps it was inevitable he’d make a film about the greatest youth icon of his generation, the Beatles. In truth, The Beatles: Get Back is a challenge to a previous documentary named Let It Be, and the general pop culture image it painted.

That 1970 doc by Michael Lindsay-Hogg zeroed in on the band’s final released album, Let It Be (although it was recorded before Abbey Road). Now, using previously unseen footage, Jackson seeks to challenge the narrative that the album was created entirely from a place of animosity among the bandmates, or that the Beatles had long lost their camaraderie by the end of road. Embracing the original title of the album, “Get Back,” Jackson wants to get back to where he thinks the band’s image once belonged.

Resident Evil

September 3

Let’s try that again. As one of the most popular video game franchises of all-time, the original handful of Resident Evil games appeared ready made for adaptation. Visibly inspired by cult classic zombie movies from George Romero, Resident Evil once even had Romero attached. Instead we got the deafeningly dull Paul W.S. Anderson franchise starring Milla Jovovich. And those decade-spanning monstrosities lacked something any self-respecting zombie film needs: brains.

Now Resident Evil is back in a reboot helmed by writer-director Johannes Roberts. And he’s off to a promising start by apparently focusing on the plots of the first several video games in the series. The cast includes Hannah John-Kamen as Jill Valentine, Robbie Amell as Chris Redfield, Kaya Scodelario as Claire Redfield, Avan Jogia as Leon S. Kennedy, and Tom Hopper as Albert Wesker. So far so good. Fingers crossed.

A Quiet Place Part II

September 17

The sequel to one of 2018’s biggest surprises, A Quiet Place Part II comes with major expectations. And few may hold it to a higher standard than writer-director John Krasinski. Despite (spoiler) the death of his character in the first film, Krasinski returns behind the camera for the sequel after saying he wouldn’t. The story he came up with apparently was too good to pass up.

The film again stars Emily Blunt as the often silenced mother of a vulnerable family, which includes son Marcus (Noah Jupe) and deaf daughter Regan (Millicent Simmonds). However, now that they know how to kill the eagle-eared alien monsters who’ve taken over their planet, the cast has grown to include Cillian Murphy and Djimon Hounsou. While the film has been delayed due to the coronavirus outbreak, trust us that it’ll be worth the wait. Is it finally time for… resistance?

Death on the Nile

September 17

Murder on the Orient Express (2017) became a surprise hit for director and star Kenneth Branagh. Who knew that audiences would still be interested in an 83-year-old mystery novel about an eccentric Belgian detective with one hell of a mustache? Luckily, Agatha Christie featured Poirot in some 32 other novels, of which Death on the Nile is one of the most famous, so here we are.

Branagh once again directs and stars as Poirot, this time investigating a murder aboard a steamer sailing down Egypt’s famous river. The cast includes Gal Gadot, Armie Hammer, Letitia Wright, Tom Bateman, Ali Fazal, Annette Bening, Rose Leslie, and Russell Brand. Expect more lavish locales, scandalous revelations, the firing of a pistol or two, and, yes, more shots of that stunning Poirot facial hair.

The Many Saints of Newark

September 24

The idea of a prequel to anything always fills us with trepidation, and re-opening a nearly perfect property like The Sopranos makes the prospect even less appetizing. But Sopranos creator David Chase has apparently wanted to explore the back history of his iconic crime family for some time, and there certainly seems to be a rich tapestry of characters and events that have only been hinted at in the series.

Directed by series veteran Alan Taylor (Thor: The Dark World), The Many Saints of Newark stars Alessandro Nivola as Dickie Moltisanti (Christopher’s father), along with Jon Bernthal, Vera Farmiga, Corey Stoll, Ray Liotta, and others. But the most fascinating casting is that of Michael Gandolfini—James’ son—as the younger version of the character with which his late dad made pop culture history. For that alone, we’ll be there on opening night… even if that just means HBO Max!

Dune

October 1

Could third time be the charm for Frank Herbert’s complex novel of the far future, long acknowledged as one of the greatest—if most difficult to read—milestones in all of science fiction? David Lynch’s 1984 version was, to be charitable, an honorable mess, while the 2000 Sci-Fi Channel miniseries was decent and faithful, but limited in scope. Now director Denis Villeneuve (Blade Runner 2049, Arrival) is pulling out all the stops—even breaking the story into two movies to give the proper space.

Read more

Movies

Dune Trailer Breakdown and Analysis

By Mike Cecchini

Movies

What Alejandro Jodorowsky Thinks of the New Dune Trailer

By Mike Cecchini and 1 other

On the surface, the plot is simple: as galactic powers vie for control of the only planet that produces a substance capable of allowing interstellar flight, a young messiah emerges to lead that planet’s people to freedom. But this tale is dense with multiple layers of politics, metaphysics, mysticism, and hard science.

Villeneuve has assembled a jaw-dropping cast, including Timothée Chalamet, Rebecca Ferguson, Oscar Isaac, Josh Brolin, Stellan Skarsgård, Dave Bautista, Zendaya, Charlotte Rampling, Jason Momoa, and Javier Bardem, and if he pulls this off, just hand him every sci-fi novel ever written. Particularly, if relations between the director and WB remain strained…

No Time to Die

October 8

Nothing lasts forever, and the Daniel Craig era of James Bond is coming to an end… hopefully in 2021. In fact, delays notwithstanding, it’s a bit of a surprise Craig is getting an official swan song with this movie after the star said he’d rather “slash his wrists” before doing another one. Well, we’re glad he didn’t, just as we’re hopeful for his final installment in the tuxedo.

Director Cary Joji Fukunaga is a newcomer to the franchise, but that might be a good thing after how tired Spectre felt, and Fukunaga has done sterling work in the past on True Detective and Maniac. He also looks to bring the curtain down on the whole Craig oeuvre by picking up on the last movie’s lingering threads, such as 007 driving off into the sunset with Léa Seydoux’s Madeleine Swann, while introducing new ones that include Rami Malek as Bond villain Safin and Ana de Armas as new Bond girl Paloma. Yay for the Knives Out reunion!

Halloween Kills

October 15

2018’s outstanding reboot of the long-running horror franchise—which saw David Gordon Green (Stronger) direct Jamie Lee Curtis in a reprise of her most famous role—was a tremendous hit. So in classic Halloween fashion, two more sequels were put into production (the second, Halloween Ends, will be out in 2022… hopefully).

Read more

Movies

Halloween: A Legacy Unmasked

By David Crow

Movies

How Jason Blum Changed Horror Movies

By Rosie Fletcher

Curtis is back as Laurie Strode, along with Judy Greer as her daughter, Andi Matichak as her granddaughter, and Nick Castle sharing Michael Myers duties with James Jude Courtney. Kyle Richards and Charles Cyphers, meanwhile, will reprise their roles as Lindsey Wallace and former sheriff Leigh Brackett from the original 1978 Halloween (Anthony Michael Hall will play the adult version of Tommy Doyle). The plot remains a mystery, but we’re pretty sure it will involve yet another confrontation between Laurie and a rampaging Myers.

The Last Duel

October 15

What was once among the most anticipated films of 2020, The Last Duel is the historical epic prestige project marked by reunions: Ridley Scott returns to his passion for period drama and violence; Matt Damon and Ben Affleck work together for the first time in ages as both actors and writers; and the film also unites each with themes that were just as potent in the medieval world as today: One knight (Damon) in King Charles VI’s court accuses another who’s his best friend (Adam Driver) of raping his wife (Jodie Comer). Oh, and Affleck plays the King of France.

With obviously harrowing—and uncomfortable—themes that resonate today, The Last Duel is based on an actual trial by combat from the 14th century, and is a film Affleck and Damon co-wrote with Nicole Holofcener (Can You Ever Forgive Me?). It’s strong material, and could prove to be one of the year’s most riveting or misjudged films. Until then, it has our full attention.

Last Night in Soho

October 22

Fresh off the success of 2017’s Baby Driver (his biggest commercial hit to date), iconoclastic British director Edgar Wright returns with what is described as a psychological and possibly time-bending horror thriller set in London. Whether this features Wright’s trademark self-aware humor remains to be seen, but since the film is said to be inspired by dread-inducing genre classics like Repulsion and Don’t Look Now, he might be going for a different effect this time.

The cast, of course, is outstanding: upstarts Anya Taylor-Joy (Queen’s Gambit) and Thomasin McKenzie (Jojo Rabbit) will face off with Matt Smith (Doctor Who), and British legends Diana Rigg and Terence Stamp. And the truth is we’re never going to miss one of Wright’s movies. Taylor-Joy talked to us here about finding her 1960s lounge singer voice for the film.

Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins

October 22

While the idea of a Hasbro Movie Universe seems to be kind of idling at the moment, corners of that hypothetical cinematic empire remain active. One such brand is G.I. Joe, which will launch its first spin-off in this origin story of one of the team’s most popular characters. Much of his early background remains mysterious, so there’s room to create a fairly original story while incorporating lore and characters already established in the G.I. Joe mythos.

Neither of the previous G.I. Joe features (The Rise of Cobra and Retaliation) have been much good, so we can probably expect the same level of quality from this one. Director Robert Schwentke (the last two Divergent movies) doesn’t inspire much excitement either. On the other hand, Henry Golding (Crazy Rich Asians) will star in the title role, and having Iko Uwais (The Raid) and Samara Weaving (Ready or Not) on board isn’t too bad either.

Antlers

October 29

Dramatic director Scott Cooper (Crazy Heart, Hostiles) is doing a horror movie. As we live and breathe. And he’s doing it with a huge boost of confidence from Guillermo del Toro, who has opted to produce the movie. Antlers is the tale of two adult brothers, one a teacher and the other a sheriff, getting wrapped up in a supernatural quagmire that involves a young student and a “dangerous secret.” And with a cast that includes Jesse Plemons, Keri Russell, and Graham Greene, we are very intrigued… even if we must wait once again due to a coronavirus delay.

Eternals

November 5

Based on a Marvel Comics series by the legendary Jack Kirby, the now long-forthcoming Eternals centers around an ancient race of powerful beings who must protect the Earth against their destructive counterparts (and genetic cousins), the Deviants. Director Chloe Zhao (fresh off the awards season buzzy Nomadland) takes her first swing at epic studio filmmaking, working with a cast that includes Angelina Jolie, Gemma Chan, Kit Harington, Salma Hayek, Richard Madden, Brian Tyree Henry, and more.

Read more

Movies

Upcoming Marvel Movies Release Dates: MCU Phase 4 Schedule, Cast, and Story Details

By Mike Cecchini and 1 other

Movies

The Incredible Hulk’s Diminished Legacy in the Marvel Cinematic Universe

By Gavin Jasper

In many ways, Eternals represents another huge creative risk for Marvel Studios: It’s a big, cosmic ensemble film introducing an ensemble that the vast majority of the public has never heard of. But then, it’s sort of in the same position as Guardians of the Galaxy from way back in 2014, and we all know what happened there.

Ghostbusters: Afterlife

November 11

With the 2016 Ghostbusters reboot criticized (fairly) for its lack of imagination and castigated (unfairly as hell) for its all-female ghost-hunting crew, director Jason Reitman–finally cashing in on the family name by returning to the brand his dad Ivan directed to glory in 1984–has crafted a direct sequel to the original films.

Set 30 years later, Afterlife follows a family who move to a small town only to discover that they have a long-secret connection to the OG Ghostbusters. Carrie Coon (The Leftovers), Finn Wolfhard (Stranger Things) and Paul Rudd (Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania) star alongside charter cast members Dan Aykroyd, Ernie Hudson, Sigourney Weaver, Annie Potts, and, yes, Bill Murray.

King Richard

November 19

Will Smith’s King Richard promises to be a different kind of biographical film coming down the pipe. Rather than being told from the vantage of professional tennis playing stars Venus and Serena Williams, King Richard centers on their father and coach, Richard Williams. It’s an interesting choice to focus on the male father instead of the game-changing Black daughters, but we’ll see if there’s a strong creative reason for the approach soon enough. The film is directed by Reinaldo Marcus Green (Monsters and Men, Joe Bell).

Mission: Impossible 7

November 19

Once upon a time, the appeal of the Mission: Impossible movies was to see different directors offer their own take on Tom Cruise running through death-defying stunts. But then Christopher McQuarrie had to come along and make the best one in franchise history (twice). First there was Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation and then Mission: Impossible – Fallout. Now McQuarrie and company have set up their own separate quartet of films with recurring original characters like new franchise MVP Ilsa Faust (Rebecca Ferguson) across four films.

Read more

Movies

Audio Surfaces of Tom Cruise Raging on the Set of Mission: Impossible 7

By Kirsten Howard

Movies

Mission: Impossible 7 – What’s Next for the Franchise?

By David Crow

Thus enters M:I7, the third McQuarrie joint in the series and first half of a pair of incoming sequels filmed together. The first-half of this two-parter sees the whole crew back together, including Cruise’s Ethan Hunt, Ilsa, Benji (Simon Pegg), Luther (Ving Rhames), and CIA Director Erika Sloane (Angela Bassett). They’re also being joined by Hayley Atwell and Pom Klementieff, but really we’re all just eager to see what kind of insane stunts they can do to top the HALO jump in the last one.

Nightmare Alley

December 3

Director Guillermo del Toro is finally back with a film which was originally intended for release in 2020. But like so many others, Nightmare Alley saw its production frozen due to the coronavirus. Del Toro’s first film since winning the Best Picture Oscar for The Shape of Water, Nightmare adapts William Lindsay Gresham’s novel of the same name. With a script by Kim Morgan and del Toro, it tracks a mid-20th century carny played by Bradley Cooper who is also a silver-tongued grifter. But his con meets its match (and is then outclassed) by his chance encounter with a psychiatrist (Cate Blanchett). They’ll make a hell of a team.

West Side Story

December 10

Steven Spielberg has just two remakes on his directorial resume: Always (1989) and War of the Worlds (2005). While the former is mostly forgotten and the latter was an adaptation of a story that has been filmed many times, his upcoming reimagining of West Side Story will undoubtedly be directly compared to Robert Wise’s iconic 1961 screen version of this classic musical.

A few numbers in previous films aside, Spielberg has never directed a full-blown musical before, let alone one associated with such powerhouse songs and dance numbers. His version, with a script by Tony Kushner, is said to stay closer to the original Broadway show than the 1961 film—but with its themes of love struggling to cross divides created by hate and bigotry, don’t be surprised if it’s just as hard-hitting in 2021. Certainly would’ve devastated last year….

Spider-Man 3

December 17

Sony has finally gotten to a “Spider-Man 3” again in their oft-rebooted franchise crown jewel (technically though this film is still untitled). That proved to be a stumbling block the first time it occurred with Tobey Maguire in the red and blues, but the company seems undaunted since Tom Holland’s third outing is expected to bring Maguire back—him and just about everyone else too.

Read more

Movies

Spider-Man 3: Charlie Cox Daredevil Return Would Redeem the Marvel Netflix Universe

By Joseph Baxter

Movies

Spider-Man 3 Adds Benedict Cumberbatch’s Doctor Strange

By Joseph Baxter

With a multiverse plot ripped straight from the arguably best Spidey movie ever, 2018’s Into the Spider-Verse, Holland’s third outing is bringing back Maguire, Andrew Garfield’s Spider-Man, Alfred Molina as Doc Ock, Jamie Foxx as Electro (eh), and probably more. It’s a Spidey crossover extravaganza that’s only missing a Spider-Ham. But just you wait…

The Matrix 4

December 22

Rebooting or continuing The Matrix series has always been a tough proposition. While the original Matrix film is one of the landmark achievements in science fiction and early digital effects filmmaking in the 1990s, its sequels were… less celebrated. In fact, directors Lily and Lana Wachowski were publicly wary about the idea of ever going back to the series. And yet, here we are with Lana (alone) helming a project that’s been a longtime priority for Warner Bros.

Read more

Movies

The Matrix 4: Laurence Fishburne “Wasn’t Invited” to Reprise Morpheus Role

By John Saavedra

Movies

The Matrix 4 Already Happened: Revisiting The Matrix Online

By John Saavedra

The Matrix 4 also brings back Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne Moss, and Jada Pinkett Smith. This is curious since Reeves and Moss’ characters died at the end of the Matrix trilogy—and also because Laurence Fishburne’s Morpheus did not, yet he wasn’t asked back. We cannot say we’re thrilled about the prospect of more adventures in Zion after the disappointment of the first two sequels, but we’d be lying if we didn’t admit we’re still curious to see the story that brought Lana back to this future.

The French Dispatch

TBA

Wes Anderson has a new film coming out. Better still, it is another live-action film. While Anderson’s use of animation is singular, it’s been seven years since The Grand Budapest Hotel, which we maintain is one of the best movies of the last decade. Anderson  is working with Timothée Chalamet and Cristoph Waltz for the first time with this film, as well as several familiar faces including Saoirse Ronan, Willem Dafoe, Tilda Swinton, Léa Seydoux, Adrien Brody, Owen Wilson, Jason Schwartzman, and, of course, Bill Murray.

The French Dispatch is set deep in the 20th century during the peak of modern journalism, it brings to life a series of fictional stories in a fictional magazine, published in a fictional French city. We suspect though, if Anderson’s last two live-action movies are any indication, it’ll have more than fiction on its mind–especially since it’s inspired by actual New Yorker stories, and the journalists who wrote them! We missed it in 2020, so here’s hoping it really does go to print in 2021!

Other interesting movies that may come out in 2021 but do not yet have release dates: Next Goal Wins, Don’t Worry Darling, Blonde, The Northman, Resident Evil, Red Notice, Army of the Dead.

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The post Upcoming Must-See Movies in 2021 appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[fallingforsincerity]

massive brain dump

it’s been a while since i had these thoughts resurface. Maybe because I had some more free time thanks to covid19 to think or maybe because it’s also Pride month. who knows. have a lot of rambling to get out of my head.

As someone who is trans but has not transition, sometimes you get many feelings and you need validation. what better way to get that but by watching youtube videos lol. There is something validating to hear someone say that your experience as being trans is valid no matter who says otherwise. Like how can it not when we all live in so different circumstances and environments. I get it, being passing to cis people feels good but not every has that opportunity nor cares. End of the day the moment some shitty cis person finds out your trans, nothing and I mean nothing can make them look at you the same ever again. Watching that youtube video, I didn’t realize that there are trans people out there that if you don’t experience dysphoria that the way they felt then your feelings and experiences aren’t validated. Like I’m sorry are you the gender police??? Like life is hard already trying to get cis people to understand and now I gotta deal with people who stand at the same side, who’d you think would understand the struggle, be part of the struggle. Like i’m sorry I didn’t get the gender handbook when I was born, didn’t know there was rules to follow in order to be considered trans. Not to say their feelings of dysphoria and needing to pass aren’t valid, of course they are. But doesn’t mean i agree with the one track mindedness about being trans. Because my experiences and environment shaped that. Does it mean I’m less queer or less trans than other people? Heck no! There is no lgbtq+ scale where you step on and you get a rating. like ah yes you are a 5 out 5 trans because you met all our trans criteria. Does this not sound like the stupidest thing??? 

rambly rambly rambly rambly

i don’t often talk about being trans....just because for me it’s kind of an uncomfortable topic. To the general public I look like a “feminine/ pretty boy” and don’t have to deal with the whole “oh you’re trans” situation, so for me to go out of my way to be out as trans to people I know, is very awk and makes me uncomfortable. Luckily because this tumblr and I don’t necessarily mention my tumblr to people I know, I’m not as scared or uncomfortable talking to strangers on the internet who may never know me in real life about this kind of thing. It’s pretty freeing tbh. I think the hardest part is because I haven’t fully transition that as an adult having to deal with workspaces and paper work gives me anxiety. The one thing I deff loved about being in art college was that I was able to live my life and because there are so many different people with such open minds, that I didn’t feel weirded out about having tell people my pronouns or minding too much about people knowing I was trans. But that took getting used to. As someone who is super closeted about this, it takes so much effort to release all that anxiety that is built up over the years. I didn’t even tell my closest friends and family until part way through my college life when I was finally able to come to terms with a lot of things. Bless my roommates who were so encouraging, understanding, and loving. I don’t think I would have been able to live my life as really who I was and being affirmed without them. 

Having to come back to live at home is a whirlwind of emotions and anxiety. At one hand I enjoy the comfort of financial stability and seeing my family, but on the other hand it brings back all the anxiety and forces me back to a point of life that I had lived before my college years. I’ve talked about this before, but from quite a young-ish age I knew deep down that I am a boy. Simple case, always been uncomfortable having any relation to being a female. To this day because I’m not out to everyone, I get so uncomfortable when someone goes “oh you are such a tomboy.” The anxiety and stress about fearing whether or not you can come out as trans and not knowing the reaction of those people is so deeply rooted in me it’s unreal. I just want to live a quiet life as a boy and not have to deal with any of that. Pretty sure many if not all trans people feel the same way, they just want to live as who they are and not be bothered by it all the time. 

Being Asian especially a 1st gen Asian American makes navigating being trans and queer really hard. These type of topics aren’t spoken about in the Asian community. I can probably count on my one hand people who I know personally who are asian + trans and have come out about it or spoken about it before. In Asian communities, being part of the lgbtq+ community is taboo. It’s almost seen like a disease. Sometimes I’m just so envious that my western counterparts have a bit more freedom in able to express or talk about being lgbtq+. Not saying it’s all sunshine and rainbows for them but like the way Asians (especially the older generation) act its like that doesn’t exist. Like there is no such thing as being trans, no such thing as being gay, no such thing as blah blah blah. That’s the struggle, if it is out of the norms, it does not exist. I keep thinking back to this one clip where the guy talks about how it’s not that they don’t want to acknowledge that it exist, they just don’t want you their child to have it so they deny it. What I’m saying is, this “taboo” of speaking of lgbtq+ and whatnot really made it hard for me to understand what was going on in my mind. I struggled for years to come to terms and even find the terms to describe myself. It was only when tumblr kind of took off roughly in 2009, when I first even heard of the word trans or bigender and yada yada. Having to navigate thru everything all at once was like a beginner level swimmer being thrown in to the middle of the Pacific ocean blindfolded and told to swim to America. I’m surprised I even made it to the land when tumblr at that time was a free for all, the amount of posts exploded, so different as to right now (which is kind of quiet). 

If I, who was the trans person, didn’t understand all this, imagine my environment. Not saying I had a bad time, just a very uncomfortable and stressful time. The one thing I found solace in was that in games, I didn’t need to present my trans-ness. I was able to escape who I was brought up and seen as (aka female) and live who I was in my games. I didn’t have to be labeled as trans, I was just me being a boy. I’ve mentioned this all before, but even in things where i used to role-play with my friends I always presented as a male. I hated the way I felt when I was referred to as she/ her when I was a kid, still uncomfortable to this day but given the circumstances I have to live with it. There are some moments in my life looking back that if I could change the way I had to present as a female at that time I would 100% redo that moment. But this isn’t those reincarnation manga’s i’ve been reading so live and forget, i’d say. 

Going back to being Asian, I’m very lucky that my mom because of her experiences shaped her to be opened minded, my father on the other hand while may be open to some things is still deep down the conservative south east asian. Though I’ve come out to my mom, she doesn’t understand me being trans nor does she really acknowledge the fact that I am a male. I’m always going back and forth with her having calling me her daughter in her mother tongue and me having to correct her every time and her saying no your my daughter. Shit gets fucking old real fucking fast. It’s a hell lot to navigate when you have to move back home. I miss my college life because of that freedom from that denial, freedom to really express who i am and able to figure that out in a safe welcoming environment. Coming all the way back to my point lol i’m just deeply uncomfortable outing myself as trans. It was affirming to hear in that youtube video I was watching that many trans people don’t want to be outed, that it’s okay to stealth because bringing up being trans is tiring. Like I am a male, i don’t want to have to bring up me being trans all the time, makes me really understand the want or need to be passing. Like do people not realize that if there was a magical change your gender button, we would not hesitate to press it? If i could had been born into a male body i’d be a regular cis male, no question about it. But life doesn’t work that way. I honestly, wished I had the knowledge and money back when I was younger. Maybe i’d be able to navigate and live my life as who I am earlier. Now i gotta figure things out, and present myself to those who already know and not want them to look at me as a trans person but as just a normal regular person. What a difficult matter this is. One could only wish. That being said still trying to navigate my way on transitioning and whatnot. Living in a dominantly Asian community made up of older folxs doesn’t lend itself to give you resources to access on these kinds of topic. When this whole pandemic thing and we get the whole nation reformed I’ll go searching for some resources. As long as I live here back home, i don’t think i’ll be able to live freely. 

rambly rambly rambly

lately i’ve been consuming a lot of josei manga especially those harlequinn mangas. god damn are those manga one shots so infuriating like COME ON JUST LEAVE THE MAN, DON’T GET BACK WITH HIM. Every goddamn manga is the same, the girl meets the greek tycoon/ rich british snob/ arabian prince gets pregnant, gets her heart broken and leaves him, guy find out he has a kid and forces her back, goes thru misunderstanding for 2 pages, then kiss kiss fall in love. Like it is the same every god forsaken time and yet I still get all angry lmao. I should know it by now why am I still silently screaming at 4am reading these mangas. I know what happens yet i’m still screaming LEAVE HIM, DON’T TAKE HIM BACK, BE YOUR OWN WOMAN WHO DOESN’T NEED NO MAN. I find myself laughing at myself because I put myself in that situation when I read it and then I get angry when I chose to read it lol. If I wasn’t so camera shy I’d have great reaction videos and livestreams of me when I read manga. Cause I talk to myself a lot when I’m reading manga, it’s kind of funny. 

On that light note i’m just gonna end this rant. I’m sleepy and I think i dumped out all the thoughts that’ve been accumulating at the back of my head out. Till next time!!

[preciousmetals0]

Outplaying Big Banks; J.B. Hunt Bucks Up

Outplaying Big Banks; J.B. Hunt Bucks Up:

Banks Can’t Dance

Regular Great Stuff readers know that music underpins many of our pop culture references. But, try as I might, I couldn’t come up with a good banking song for today’s issue. Not even a jingle.

The only banking-related pop culture reference that came to mind was the old 1970s Smith Barney commercial: “They make money the old-fashioned way. They earn it.”

It’s not musical at all. And considering that Smith Barney was bought out by Morgan Stanley (NYSE: MS) during the 2009 financial crisis, maybe Smith Barney could’ve used some samba lessons or something.

Today’s big banks certainly can’t samba worth a damn, but they can certainly jump, jive and wail.

The Brian Setzer Orchestra? Really?

Hey, you take what you can get when you’re out of coffee.

The biggest of banks, such as JPMorgan & Chase Co. (NYSE: JPM), Goldman Sachs Group Inc. (NYSE: GS) and Bank of America Corp. (NYSE: BAC) are well past the jump phase. They hit that point back when federal interest rates were rising many moons ago.

Now, with corporate earnings season underway amid a pandemic-driven economic lockdown, you get a heavy dose of jive.

Yesterday, analysts touted JPMorgan’s 32% jump in trading revenue — even though the company missed consensus earnings estimates. It seems JPMorgan earmarked $6.8 billion for potential loan losses and defaults.

We’re seeing the same jive story today from Goldman Sachs. The gold man whiffed on earnings expectations and saw profits tumble 46% year over year, but it had its strongest bond-trading performance in five years. Goldman set aside about $937 million for potential loan losses.

We can all but copy and paste this same story for Bank of America, which missed earnings expectations, posted a strong trading performance and set aside $4 billion for loan losses.

The Takeaway:

I see the jump and jive … but where’s the wail? You can’t just jump and jive with no wail! Where’s my wailing?

That absence of wailing you noticed is because the Federal Reserve already doled out trillions of pacifiers to the financial sector. Surely, you haven’t forgotten about Jerome Powell’s “unlimited stimulus” already?

But, if it makes you feel any better, just give them time.

Goldman, BofA, JPMorgan and a whole host of other banking giants are sure to wail about the economic fallout sooner or later … especially when it comes to those pesky regulations … but I digress.

The main takeaway here is that, despite their best efforts, the banking behemoths can’t trade their way out of rising loan losses in this economic disaster.

They can try, but they won’t be successful.

But you, dear readers, you aren’t like the big banks suffering massive loan losses. (At least, I hope you’re not. None of you have a $10 billion line of credit, right? Now, if you do … call me?)

The bottom line is this:You can trade your way out of this coronavirus debacle.

How? By not buying into this head-fake rally. By keeping your powder dry for the right opportunities at the right time. By finding the diamonds in the rough (or the N95 masks in the laundry … or the toilet paper at Costco  … whatever, you get the point.)

But in this age of misinformation and hype, whom do you turn to for advice? (I mean aside from Great Stuff, of course!)

How about the guy who managed money for the same powerhouse investment banks — the Goldman Sachs, Citigroups and Credit Suisses of the world — that are setting trading records right now?

I’m talking about Banyan Hill’s own treasured Charles Mizrahi. You know, the guy who started his Wall Street career in the New York Futures Exchange pit — at age 20? Charles’s no-fuss approach to investing is how he managed to post 113% in gains in a single year, and 313% over a three year period.

Now that’s Great Stuff. Click here to learn more!

Good: Test Your Might

When we last checked in on Aytu BioScience Inc. (Nasdaq: AYTU), the company was riding a luck dragon and … no, wait, that was Atreyu.

Aytu was set to deliver 100,000 COVID-19 rapid tests. How rapid? Can you say: “faster than Artax?” The company’s COVID-19 IgG-IgM Rapid Test can deliver results in as little as two minutes, with no laboratory needed.

Today, Aytu announced delivery of those 100,000 tests. Better still, it has 500,000 more on the way.

COVID-19 testing stateside has made great progress in the past several weeks, but more tests are always needed. That means more demand and ready buyers for those 500,000 inbound Aytu tests. That also means more revenue.

Analysts only just started to notice Aytu. Zacks recently upgraded the stock to “Strong Buy,” citing a strong uptrend in earnings estimates. If you didn’t check out Aytu the last time that Great Stuff featured the stock, you really can’t afford to wait any longer.

(Looking for a way to get in on the booming biotech sector? Click here ASAP!)

Better: Roll on, 18-Wheeler, Roll On

Roll on highway, roll on along. Roll on J.B. Hunt Transport Services Inc. (Nasdaq: JBHT) until you get back home.

Transports are under heavy fire during the pandemic — mainly because the outbreak underscores the importance of our supply chains. During this crisis, J.B. Hunt revealed itself to be the kind of company that I really like.

The trucking firm reported earnings of $0.98 per share, missing Wall Street’s estimates. Normally, this would be a red flag, but J.B. Hunt’s reason for this miss is crucial: a one-time charge of $12.3 million to pay out employee-appreciation bonuses amid the COVID-19 crisis.

In fact, revenue jumped 9% year over year to $2.28 billion. Not only is J.B. Hunt among the few companies to see revenue increase, it also beat the consensus estimate.

So, we have a company that provides critical infrastructure services, has rising revenue and takes care of its employees. What’s not to like here?

So, roll on 18-wheeler, roll on.

Best: Smokin’!

With everyone locked in their homes … and nothing better to do, it was just a matter of time before people broke out their snarfblatts. After all, snarfblatts date back to prehistoric times, when humans used to sit around and stare at each other all day …  very boring.

But Canada-based Aphria Inc. (Nasdaq: APHA), has just what you need to smoke in your snarfblatts: weed, ganja, the devil’s lettuce. I’m talking about cannabis here, and Aphria is selling kilos of the green sticky-icky.

So much sticky-icky, in fact, that revenue nearly doubled in Aphria’s fiscal third quarter to $102.8 million — easily beating Wall Street’s expectations. Earnings also bested the consensus targets, with Aphria earning $0.02 per share, compared to the average analyst estimate for a $0.04 loss.

The company did warn about uncertainty related to COVID-19’s impact. But, if Canadian pot smokers are anything like their American counterparts, I don’t think there’s too much to worry about.

In a study conducted by AmericanMarijuana.org, Americans overwhelmingly chose Mary Jane as their preferred method to stay calm while quarantined. I mean, 28% of respondents chose pot over face masks! (Why not both?)

If you were waiting for the right company to take advantage of the cannabis market, Aphria makes a great case to be your drug … err, investment of choice.

Now, with all those visions of earnings Armageddon out of the way, let’s shift into positivity mode, shall we? (Hey, I’m trying something different today … turning over a new, greener leaf. Serenity now, serenity now!)

Alright you kings and queens of wishful thinking — it’s time to get out your crystal ball for Great Stuff’s Poll of the Week! Even if we’re headed for the worst this earnings season, why not look for the best?

So, what stocks do you think will suffer the least damage during earnings season? Which sector do you expect to stand headandshoulders above the corporate rubble? Click on the envelope icon below to share your thoughts in our Poll of the Week.

Got more to say? Send us a quick (or rambling) message at GreatStuffToday@BanyanHill.com. Who knows? You just might find your email in tomorrow’s edition of Reader Feedback!

Great Stuff: Can’t Join ‘em? Beat ‘em!

“My daddy was a bankrobber, but he never hurt nobody. He just loved to live that way, and he loved to steal your money.” — The Clash, “Bankrobber.”

I have to say, as someone who lived through and invested during ’07 and ’08 … seeing big banks scramble sends a shiver of schadenfreude through my bones. Of course, there are economic implications of banking and credit slowdowns and yada yada yada…

But for a moment there, it felt like an idiot driver cutting you off and speeding away … only to get speed-trapped down the road. Oh JPMorgan, Goldman Sachs et. al., let me play you a song of sorrow on the world’s smallest violin…

Now, if you want to separate wheat from chaff for yourself this earnings season … out-trading the big banks at their own game … there’s only one approach you need.

Remember: Charles Mizrahi’s approach helped him see runs, where he picked 36 stocks in a row, that went up 50% or more. And that’s just one of the reasons why Barron’s once crowned Charles the No. 1 money manager.

To learn about Charles’ no-fuss approach, just click here.

As always, remember that the Great Stuff action lives on long after you close this email! You can also find us on social media: Facebook and Twitter.

Until next time, be Great!

Joseph Hargett

Editor, Great Stuff

[goldira01]

Banks Can’t Dance

Regular Great Stuff readers know that music underpins many of our pop culture references. But, try as I might, I couldn’t come up with a good banking song for today’s issue. Not even a jingle.

The only banking-related pop culture reference that came to mind was the old 1970s Smith Barney commercial: “They make money the old-fashioned way. They earn it.”

It’s not musical at all. And considering that Smith Barney was bought out by Morgan Stanley (NYSE: MS) during the 2009 financial crisis, maybe Smith Barney could’ve used some samba lessons or something.

Today’s big banks certainly can’t samba worth a damn, but they can certainly jump, jive and wail.

The Brian Setzer Orchestra? Really?

Hey, you take what you can get when you’re out of coffee.

The biggest of banks, such as JPMorgan & Chase Co. (NYSE: JPM), Goldman Sachs Group Inc. (NYSE: GS) and Bank of America Corp. (NYSE: BAC) are well past the jump phase. They hit that point back when federal interest rates were rising many moons ago.

Now, with corporate earnings season underway amid a pandemic-driven economic lockdown, you get a heavy dose of jive.

Yesterday, analysts touted JPMorgan’s 32% jump in trading revenue — even though the company missed consensus earnings estimates. It seems JPMorgan earmarked $6.8 billion for potential loan losses and defaults.

We’re seeing the same jive story today from Goldman Sachs. The gold man whiffed on earnings expectations and saw profits tumble 46% year over year, but it had its strongest bond-trading performance in five years. Goldman set aside about $937 million for potential loan losses.

We can all but copy and paste this same story for Bank of America, which missed earnings expectations, posted a strong trading performance and set aside $4 billion for loan losses.

The Takeaway:

I see the jump and jive … but where’s the wail? You can’t just jump and jive with no wail! Where’s my wailing?

That absence of wailing you noticed is because the Federal Reserve already doled out trillions of pacifiers to the financial sector. Surely, you haven’t forgotten about Jerome Powell’s “unlimited stimulus” already?

But, if it makes you feel any better, just give them time.

Goldman, BofA, JPMorgan and a whole host of other banking giants are sure to wail about the economic fallout sooner or later … especially when it comes to those pesky regulations … but I digress.

The main takeaway here is that, despite their best efforts, the banking behemoths can’t trade their way out of rising loan losses in this economic disaster.

They can try, but they won’t be successful.

But you, dear readers, you aren’t like the big banks suffering massive loan losses. (At least, I hope you’re not. None of you have a $10 billion line of credit, right? Now, if you do … call me?)

The bottom line is this:You can trade your way out of this coronavirus debacle.

How? By not buying into this head-fake rally. By keeping your powder dry for the right opportunities at the right time. By finding the diamonds in the rough (or the N95 masks in the laundry … or the toilet paper at Costco  … whatever, you get the point.)

But in this age of misinformation and hype, whom do you turn to for advice? (I mean aside from Great Stuff, of course!)

How about the guy who managed money for the same powerhouse investment banks — the Goldman Sachs, Citigroups and Credit Suisses of the world — that are setting trading records right now?

I’m talking about Banyan Hill’s own treasured Charles Mizrahi. You know, the guy who started his Wall Street career in the New York Futures Exchange pit — at age 20? Charles’s no-fuss approach to investing is how he managed to post 113% in gains in a single year, and 313% over a three year period.

Now that’s Great Stuff. Click here to learn more!

Good: Test Your Might

When we last checked in on Aytu BioScience Inc. (Nasdaq: AYTU), the company was riding a luck dragon and … no, wait, that was Atreyu.

Aytu was set to deliver 100,000 COVID-19 rapid tests. How rapid? Can you say: “faster than Artax?” The company’s COVID-19 IgG-IgM Rapid Test can deliver results in as little as two minutes, with no laboratory needed.

Today, Aytu announced delivery of those 100,000 tests. Better still, it has 500,000 more on the way.

COVID-19 testing stateside has made great progress in the past several weeks, but more tests are always needed. That means more demand and ready buyers for those 500,000 inbound Aytu tests. That also means more revenue.

Analysts only just started to notice Aytu. Zacks recently upgraded the stock to “Strong Buy,” citing a strong uptrend in earnings estimates. If you didn’t check out Aytu the last time that Great Stuff featured the stock, you really can’t afford to wait any longer.

(Looking for a way to get in on the booming biotech sector? Click here ASAP!)

Better: Roll on, 18-Wheeler, Roll On

Roll on highway, roll on along. Roll on J.B. Hunt Transport Services Inc. (Nasdaq: JBHT) until you get back home.

Transports are under heavy fire during the pandemic — mainly because the outbreak underscores the importance of our supply chains. During this crisis, J.B. Hunt revealed itself to be the kind of company that I really like.

The trucking firm reported earnings of $0.98 per share, missing Wall Street’s estimates. Normally, this would be a red flag, but J.B. Hunt’s reason for this miss is crucial: a one-time charge of $12.3 million to pay out employee-appreciation bonuses amid the COVID-19 crisis.

In fact, revenue jumped 9% year over year to $2.28 billion. Not only is J.B. Hunt among the few companies to see revenue increase, it also beat the consensus estimate.

So, we have a company that provides critical infrastructure services, has rising revenue and takes care of its employees. What’s not to like here?

So, roll on 18-wheeler, roll on.

Best: Smokin’!

With everyone locked in their homes … and nothing better to do, it was just a matter of time before people broke out their snarfblatts. After all, snarfblatts date back to prehistoric times, when humans used to sit around and stare at each other all day …  very boring.

But Canada-based Aphria Inc. (Nasdaq: APHA), has just what you need to smoke in your snarfblatts: weed, ganja, the devil’s lettuce. I’m talking about cannabis here, and Aphria is selling kilos of the green sticky-icky.

So much sticky-icky, in fact, that revenue nearly doubled in Aphria’s fiscal third quarter to $102.8 million — easily beating Wall Street’s expectations. Earnings also bested the consensus targets, with Aphria earning $0.02 per share, compared to the average analyst estimate for a $0.04 loss.

The company did warn about uncertainty related to COVID-19’s impact. But, if Canadian pot smokers are anything like their American counterparts, I don’t think there’s too much to worry about.

In a study conducted by AmericanMarijuana.org, Americans overwhelmingly chose Mary Jane as their preferred method to stay calm while quarantined. I mean, 28% of respondents chose pot over face masks! (Why not both?)

If you were waiting for the right company to take advantage of the cannabis market, Aphria makes a great case to be your drug … err, investment of choice.

Now, with all those visions of earnings Armageddon out of the way, let’s shift into positivity mode, shall we? (Hey, I’m trying something different today … turning over a new, greener leaf. Serenity now, serenity now!)

Alright you kings and queens of wishful thinking — it’s time to get out your crystal ball for Great Stuff’s Poll of the Week! Even if we’re headed for the worst this earnings season, why not look for the best?

So, what stocks do you think will suffer the least damage during earnings season? Which sector do you expect to stand headandshoulders above the corporate rubble? Click on the envelope icon below to share your thoughts in our Poll of the Week.

Got more to say? Send us a quick (or rambling) message at GreatStuffToday@BanyanHill.com. Who knows? You just might find your email in tomorrow’s edition of Reader Feedback!

Great Stuff: Can’t Join ‘em? Beat ‘em!

“My daddy was a bankrobber, but he never hurt nobody. He just loved to live that way, and he loved to steal your money.” — The Clash, “Bankrobber.”

I have to say, as someone who lived through and invested during ’07 and ’08 … seeing big banks scramble sends a shiver of schadenfreude through my bones. Of course, there are economic implications of banking and credit slowdowns and yada yada yada…

But for a moment there, it felt like an idiot driver cutting you off and speeding away … only to get speed-trapped down the road. Oh JPMorgan, Goldman Sachs et. al., let me play you a song of sorrow on the world’s smallest violin…

Now, if you want to separate wheat from chaff for yourself this earnings season … out-trading the big banks at their own game … there’s only one approach you need.

Remember: Charles Mizrahi’s approach helped him see runs, where he picked 36 stocks in a row, that went up 50% or more. And that’s just one of the reasons why Barron’s once crowned Charles the No. 1 money manager.

To learn about Charles’ no-fuss approach, just click here.

As always, remember that the Great Stuff action lives on long after you close this email! You can also find us on social media: Facebook and Twitter.

Until next time, be Great!

Joseph Hargett

Editor, Great Stuff

[gracemolteniisnothome]

A Year of Quiet, aka Lessons in Isolation

First and foremost, I want to emphasis staying informed, and taking your health and the health of others seriously. Period.

I have the luxury of working in the news (which, admittedly, can get exhausting), and a science reporter as my sibling, who has been on the coronavirus beat for over 2 months. I trust her and her concerns. I am also lucky to have a handful of friends who work on infectious disease research and response for the CDC—I trust them and their concerns. That access to information doesn’t raise my anxiety so much as make me feel informed and prepared. However, I fully recognize how dire and scary this all feels. Frankly, it feels that way because the reach and reality of this pandemic is indeed scary. 

My office moved quickly last week to setting us up to work from home, and for that I am deeply grateful. I spent most of the weekend indoors, save a few runs and some fresh air, and a quick stop at my local cafe for coffee-to go (support your neighbors and tip well, y’all.) As Americans, it’s been a while since social solidarity was asked, let alone required of us. I can’t remember a moment in my lifetime that felt as dire in regards to personal responsibility.But, we can find a new normal in balancing being isolated and practicing social distancing, while also staying sane and staving off the stir crazy. I think it is possible to be diligent about self-isolating, and vigilant in our social distancing, and still find ways to connect, to support, to find joy, even if that means remotely. 

Strangely, I feel more prepared for self-isolation than I ever have in my life, and I realized this weekend that my year of quiet in rural Japan taught me a lot about how to manage limited social contact and a uniquely singular life. I figured there’s no time like a pandemic to share a few things that kept me sane: 

Remember that internet is the friend of the curious and the enemy of the anxious. 

What a time to be alive! There is more access to real time information than ever before. This is gift, and at times, a trap. Know when to unplug, and definitely know when to stop checking Twitter. Delete some apps off of your phone (Instagram, Facebook, Hinge, etc) for the weekend and enjoy reclaiming some of your mental space. (Plus coronavirus-inspired pick-up lines are eye-roll worthy at best.) When I would find myself deep into Instagram scrolls with no end in sight, that was usually time to delete the app for a week or so to break the habit. 

Set your expectations.

Consider this a marathon, and not a sprint, and adjust your mindset accordingly. We should be thinking of this in months, not weeks. It’s helpful to consider this in the long haul and not just a temporary inconvenience. 

Go for walks, long ones when time allows, particularly if you can avoid crowded areas. 

I usually ended my day with a sunset walk through the rice fields near my apartment and it was a regular time to reset and get some fresh air that now I often miss. I certainly take for granted how nice a short stint in the sun can be. Don’t forget to look up at the sky or take some picture of flowers if it pleases you. Send them to friends who are self-isolating in colder climates (looking at you, Chicago.) 

Create some structure

Outside of being able to live abroad, my teaching schedule allowed me to reclaim many of my daylight hours (something I had little of in my previous job.) I don’t consider myself a particularly disciplined person, but I wanted to make the most of this time. An easy thing I tried to adhere to was doing 3 things every day: something creative, something educational, and something active. The categories were purposefully broad – physical, for example, could be anything from a run to stretching while watching Netflix – and it helped to have daily, achievable goals.

But also, allow yourself some rest

WFH and self isolation are certainly not the same thing as a vacation. However, especially with the world feeling like it’s ending, it’s ok to not need to be productive (after remote-office hours, of course.) Lean into binging tv shows, taking long baths or reading books, diving back into the world of Sims. It’s ok to seek out comfort right now, because… 

Isolation can be painful! 

Loneliness is real. And if you’re the kind of person who needs to share physical space with people, this adjustment may be particularly uncomfortable. But it doesn’t last forever, and in 2020 there are so many ways to stay connect and close to the folks you care about. On that note…

If you’re feeling panicky, anxious, stressed - talk about it! 

Reach out to people you trust and share where you’re at. If you need support, now is as good a time as any to ask for it. For alternatives, consider starting a journal, recording voice memos, making videos, if only for yourself, to talk through those thoughts and stop them from occupying precious brain space. Speaking of videos… 

Send your friends dance videos, or schedule a GoogleHang and have solo dance parties, together.

When I lived in Japan there were some nights that my beloved apartment felt not just sparse, but empty; in those times that I felt particularly distanced from my friends and life back in the US, I started sending these dance videos to select folks on Instagram. It was silly (still is tbh) and yet very much helped to keep me sane and connected to people I love. Dancing around my apartment was a good way to save me from my melancholy self, and now is kind of a necessity during quarantine times, to shake off some of that excess energy and loosen up some of the stir crazy. Another great option is tuning into groups like Dance Church, who have taken their weekly gathering online and available for streaming.

On the topic of GoogleHangouts…

Throw some on your calendar! Make it weekly, make it daily, make them random. I am convinced that my Groupchat of high school pals played a large part in me tolerating the weight of isolation as a foreigner; WhatsApp with and Instagram messenger acted as lifelines when it came to feeling connection with my people back home.

Not sure where to start? Host a quarantine happy hour where everyone calls in at the same time with their beverage of choice! Start a Netflix viewing party! Make a free account on Tabletopia and play board games against your friends remotely! Start an online bookclub! If you’re musically inclined, go live on Instagram and let folks tune in!  It’s no stand-in for IRL social time, but I can say after moving around a number of times, it’s actually pretty incredible how many ways there are to hangout from afar. 

Revisit your internal project list. 

What is something you haven’t been able to get to in your regular life because of daily commitments like work? Reading the stack of books by your bed? Baking the best bread humanly possible? Learning another language? Having a project (or 5) to chip away at during my time abroad helped me to feel productive and take pride in accomplishing something. There’s so many great online (often free) resources for learning new things. I like to rely on Skillshare for prompts, but recently have purchased a few classes through Moment to learn more about mobile filmmaking. That being said, I’d also be careful not to fall into the trap of turning everything into work. Don’t put more pressure on yourself than needed right now. If there’s room to chip away at personal projects, be they anything from self portraits or cross-stitch, take the time to find some pleasure in creating. Oh yeah, and do update your damn website (me, to me.) 

An additional list of thoughts in no particular order: 

Make a collaborative playlists

Check in on your freelance friends (help them out financially if and when you can, promote their work, buy their merch, shoot them a Venmo, a PayPal, a CashApp.) 

Deep clean your place! 

Consume podcasts like it’s your job.  

Finally clear the open tabs on your browser window (wishful thinking) 

Do your taxes! Annoying, but hey, if you’ve got the time.  

StoryCorps! If you’re already cooped up with folks - family or roommates or partners– take the time to get to know them in a way you usually don’t 

Send snail mail! 

Participate in Instagram challenges or prompts 

I’m a fan of #DrawThisInYourStyle for illustration projects, but I really like @rockthatmuseumgirl’s idea of posting art we’ve seen and tagging them #throwbackmuseum since so many art institutions and public spaces are closed right now. 

On a community note…

Donate to food banks! Blood banks! Buy local gift cards to use later or see if your favorite spots are doing pickup or to-go options! Support your neighborhood any way you can, while staying safe, and more than anything, be kind. As a wise art director reminded us on Instagram this week: “everyone is fighting their own battles. be mindful & grateful for what you have”

Ok, enough rambling from me. Till next time, y’all