#dai. dai's dad. dai's mom. dai's grandpa
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' mm ? isn't that a celebrity style ? ' and wasn't this his very own impish opportunity ? he flashes sakura a similar heart all the same ; sets his fingers in a readied , practiced instant and charmingly winks , her better mirror . even if he ended up getting nothing else out of this incident , at least there would have been this --- a mutual exchange that sakura herself no doubt didn't even realize , and probably wouldn't until it was too late .
' it's only recently that sort of thing started getting popular , but making one out of both your hands goes much older than that , no ? if you're enthusiastic enough , you can even make one out of both your arms and your head . ' he simpers ; laughs lightly in a way that his voice seems to soften by it . ' there are all sorts of ways to show people love . '
( some larger , some smaller , some more shy , and some far more grander . )
' ... but , well , as for me being weird --- '
the door's finally shut behind sakura and he slips into silence . if he's bearing any sort of expression , then it stays hidden by lack of view --- yet it doesn't take long for his voice to lilt , the playful , chipper tilt of his head just as audible as sakura's thorough sarcasm .
' --- you've only just started thinking that ? '
most people began with the wings . and then , left with nothing but grim mystery and their own imaginations , they continued to spin up absurd rumor and distort him more and more , too often making something only remotely manlike into something truly grotesque . his reputation as a thief mingled with deeper suspicion and various horror stories : little by little , his consumption of hearts turned literal and bloody , and he became both the rotten idol and worshiped bogeyman that parents warned might deceive and turn stray good family's children , if not outright steal them away . his devilish attraction only seemed to be all for the worse , a touchless source of strife , envy , and endless fascination and wonder .
likewise , amidst the storm of this infinite chatter and chaos perpetually surrounding him ; the black-pupil stages of hundreds of thousands of eyes , there wasn't anywhere that he truly belonged .
( ... too slow . )
he doesn't say it , and only laughs again at sakura's various answers . ' --- my schemes , huh . ' what right did he have to sound so utterly resigned over arrogant as he usually did ? and yet , the guilt still pangs , the sorrow does too , each a bullet fired into the empty , dark hall of his heart's atrium . his voice has turned hollow : his greatest heist , that which even he was reluctant to take part in , might have been somehow fooling sakura into tolerating his continued company .
' ... it's a good indulgence , ' he has to say something beyond just repetition , he thinks , and so he does . ' nobody's getting hurt . if you wanted me to return the favor by dressing up or walking out with you be it as a beautiful man or woman , i wouldn't have any complaints , either . ' but he knew sakura and her personal preferences better , or at least he wanted to believe that he did . ' i doubt that you'd care for all the attention i'd end up attracting , though ... so there's nothing that i can do . '
conceited as the idea of himself might have seemed , wasn't it shameful too , to have to confess to how little he truly had ? thieves stole because everything that they wanted was out of their hands and perpetually in someone else's . beyond his foul , demanding presence , he had utterly nothing to give ; nothing that he could create , beyond what he could simply have taken then moved over in a way that would have surely only displeased sakura further . somewhere deep within him his heart beats out an apology , a dull , soft-thudding stammer of : i'm sorry , i'm sorry .
even desiring it , he had no controlling clutch on a thing like sakura's own happiness . he was helpless , and his one regret remained that his scheming , curse-like nature would surely only remain unchanged . unlike his face , whose flesh twitches and adjusts the instant he hears any door's unlocking click , evaporating itself in an instant of any grim cloud and evident loneliness .
' --- if anything's turned out wrong , then i'll help you fix it . though , as long as you didn't put the whole thing on backwards , i'm sure it's just fine . ' his hands loosely applaud as he fast glides away from any of his previous thoughts . he's playful once more ; eager , even . ' finally , it's about time ... let's see how cinder --- no , sakura-ella's cleaned up for the ball . '
...a heart with her hands...?
“Don’t you only use your thumb an’ pointer finger to make a heart?” She’s genuinely asking here, genuinely confused; she’s seen some of her classmates make’em before for selfies, but that’s the extent of it. She’s never really been one to do it, but for the sake of just checking, she pauses on her way to the bathroom to pull her hand out from under the dress—this stupid dress that, for whatever reason, is soooo tied up into his happiness—to try and copy the move, brows furrowed together at the easy join-and-slide of the two fingers.
She really doesn’t get him sometimes.
“Man, you’re weird.” A long-suffering sigh, a spared glance as she nudges her bathroom door open with a foot; “But, dammit, how long are you gonna go on about that? Are the words really such a big deal to you? I said I’d wear this so I didn’t have to say nothin’...”
Interesting as it would be to hear some Magic spells come outta his mouth if she did agree (if only because he keeps denying to show her any of the real ones he sometimes talks about and this is the next best thing), she does want to point that fact out, too. That deal is what even started this, after all.
(Not that it really was a deal, more-so just her tryin’ to get him off her back for somethin’ stupid, but whatever.)
What’s still a little concerning is the matter of Wiz—or not Wiz?? Two Wiz’s?? Wiz squared??? Why would both of the guys from Azumano have some kinda animal named Wiz in the first place?? As much as she’s fond of Wiz-rabbit, the idea’s just ridiculous.
The longer she tries to reason out a, well, reason, though, the harder it gets for her to think about it—because they are two different creatures, that’s clear a damn day, and it wouldn’t make sense if Dark just magically (irony not intended) knew Dai’s rabbit, either. The similarity is prickly, though, settling somewhere in her mind as something that bothers her but that she can’t really figure out, but...ugh, it makes her head hurt to try and make sense of. Too many weird things surround the two of them, but, at the end of the day, she’s got no real reason to be questioning anything.
(To his credit, it is the first time she’s seen this other one. And, unfortunate for her, she does trust him—to a degree only, she’ll insist, just to a degree).
She’ll just keep an eye on Wiz-rabbit, next time he and Dai’re over. Not as quick of a decision as the one to ignore his scold for her to be careful is, but still a decision.
Just as she’s made that decision, though, is she looking back over to him—only half-listening to his words, that entire time, as she considered the two animals—and comes back to full awareness. She’s halfway to making some sorta comment about the length (Who in the hell thought to make’em like that?) when she catches sight of his flush.
Honestly, if it’d been kept at that, maybe she would’ve been fine. Could’a teased him, even, for getting all heart-eyed. But the sight of his swoon and that word together makes her pause all over again.
‘Beautiful legs’, huh?
(Yeah, right, like that’s somethin’ to apply to mine.)
Whether he really has her in mind about it is up for grabs, but Haruka’s too focused on the knowledge of her own self, of her own body, to think about it. It’s not even that she, herself, thinks of them in any negative way (most of the time), but she’s also not stupid. The zig-zag of gashes old and newer; scars gone white and scars still dark; some raised, some indented into her skin, and some only noticeable under direct light after positioning herself this way and that—none of that’s beautiful. She doesn’t even want it to be, really, but she especially just doesn’t think so. They’re just...they’re there, and the truth is that they make her no looker (though, really, she didn’t need to go tearing into her own flesh to do that; her hair and eyes did that enough, for the average person), so she thinks—no, she knows that if Dark were to see her legs, he’d take his words right back.
The thought really doesn’t hurt, it just...doesn’t make her feel great, either.
It isn’t his fault, though, and she knows better than to make it that way, so she just shoves the feeling down.
“Like I said a minute ago—weird.” And with that, she disappears behind the bathroom door, closing it up as she lays the dress out over her sink—Nowhere else to put it besides the bath or the toilet, but I’ll be damned if he starts bitchin’ about that—and brings the thing from the storage room out from under her arm. A plastic-wrapped package, mostly see-through save for the label, and encasing a white, non-see-through material; to put it plainly, a pair of tights. They’d been given to her a few weeks back, maybe even a month, by now, but she hadn’t really had any opportunity or drive to open them up--and, sure, they probably hadn’t been intended to have their first use go like this, but, hey. Everything starts somewhere.
“Gee, though, wonder why you’re askin’ me that now.” Sardonic, she rolls her eyes, despite knowing he won’t be able to see’em (but screw it, maybe he’ll hear’em); fine, maybe she is talkin’ back this time just for the sake of it, but she’s pretty sure he would not have done it if she hadn’t brought it up! And still does she hesitate to answer—if only because she’s gotta undress and read the instructions on how to put the tights on, but that’s not her fault.
Surprisingly, though, they’re the easiest things to put on so far—they’re waist-high, which is a bonus because nothin’ can peek out from under the dress’ skirt with’em that high, and just had to be stepped into and rolled over herself once her pajama pants were off—and it has them climbing her clothes-rankings in an instant. And they’re even pretty soft, the material having a surprising amount of give and stretch to’em! Man, if she’d known that, she’d have at least tried them on way sooner than now!
...but then she’s straightening up, though, and the thing she’s really meant to be puttin’ on comes back into her field of vision, and her enthusiasm gets a little curbed. Well, whatever—as much as she’s a little miffed to have been pushed and teased and joked with to get to this point, this probably won’t be so bad. It is just a dress; it’s just somethin’ to wear.
“The day was fine, though, if ya really wanna know—or, at least, it was before I agreed to some idiot bird’s schemes.”
(As much as she’s bitching, though, Haruka knows, deep-down, that things wouldn’t have come so far without her allowing them to at all; there wasn’t anyone alive who could make her do some shit she didn’t wanna do. As annoying as Dark can get, too, he isn’t truly very pushy when she really refuses somethin’. It’s a good quality about him, one she appreciates more than she doesn’t.)
She snorts a disbelieving little chuckle, then, and adds, “But if me doin’ this makes ya happy or whatever, I guess it isn’t a total waste of time, either.”
The happiness of her friends is, after all, more important to her than anything else on the planet. Not that she’d ever say it out loud like that, and not that it doesn’t feel silly to say somethin’ so serious over her putting on a maid dress, but still.
“I, uh...think I have everything on right, though?” At the very least, the dress itself is now, also, on. “So I’ll come out.”
#*・゚⊰ IC. ⊱#cherriedrage#CANON.#if hes ever not dramatic then hes dead. or a fake. shoot that one-#HELP OIWJJALKFJLLJG WELL IF IT'S A SHORT ONE THERE'S NOT MUCH TO IT#JUST STEP IN!!! DARK VC GO IN 👉 (INTO THE DRESS?) GO INTO THE DRESS 👉#'wiz is just a really popular pet name' is in fact the lie dark's going to be using until the secret is out. tbh. kajwijaoiwjaoijfkj#LAUGHS only dark n dai can help wiz change forms too so they could always show sakura when the time comes 😔🙏#dark n dai (singular) n wiz (singular)#IJWEAWEJGKJGKJ IM SORRY WE DIDNT BELIEVE IN HER EITHER OK. OK?? WE DONT HATE U SAKURAAAAAAAAA#WE'VE LEARNED WIJWIOJLJKFKJGKJ#'im not so damn hopeless' dark is though but maybe we shouldnt bring that up#hes not going to bring it up. sakura: steps into the bathroom for so n so minutes#dark. immediately: i can't do anything right for you and worst of all i've somehow tricked you into letting me. a monster. stick around ---#can't cook to make her happy can't steal anything to make her happy hes hashtag PATHETIC AND HE KNOWS IT!!!#ngl im sorry sakura she goes over to their mansion and she'd straight up get lost. iONAGJLAKJFKG#RIGHT INSIDE THE BUILDING. ITS LIKE THOSE LIMINAL HOTEL SPACES THE HALLWAYS JUST KEEP GOING AND GOING#SAKURA'S WONDERING IF SHES GONNA DIE IN THERE WITH NONE OF THE OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS FINDING HER TIL DAI POPS UP OUTTA NOWHERE#TO BRING HER TO DINNER#ALKFJLAJKJFKGJ#boy they'd really stuff her too. when sato ends up over for a day absolutely everybody's piling foods onto his plate#dai. dai's dad. dai's mom. dai's grandpa#it's so funny and cute. for sato it was way too much for him but sakura might just meet her stomach's match-
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getting old is so, so hard.
#Mom is taking about taking away my grandma’s credit card because she can’t be trusted with it#Your memory goes and you start forgetting names#Technology gets harder and you forget stuff#You forgot conversations you had#you forget even memories from the past#Just. We are sliding further into dementia and it’s getting harder faster I think#Struggled with my grandpa last year (dad’s dad) and now it’s mom’s mom#It’s so frustrating and I just pray for an increase in patience for all of us#So I’ve faced it in close proximity with this grandma and my parents probably have a high probability of having it too#And on top of that a family friend’s dad is passing probably today#Pray for patience for us (me) please#And wisdom#And of course there’s the whole issue of me still worrying she’s not saved and begging God to do something and make it clear#And worrying I’m not doing enough on that front but God just doesn’t seem to be helping me know what to do even though I’m asking literally#Every day?? 😭😭😭
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i don’t think i could ever imagine being with someone who doesn’t like being in the kitchen
#every day my mom and my aunts are cooking delicious meals while the men do nothing 😭#my dad at least cooks a lot but my uncles?? rarely#my grandpa didn’t know how to cook until my grandma died 😭😭
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[ I should probably clarify that most references to earth pronouns/romantic terms/sexuality are just a loose parallel for simplicity sake or intended for humorous purposes, depending on the situation
ratch himself does not care what you assume about him (although he will claim a.sexual if harassed about it because he grasps it's the Lack Of S.exual Attraction one), what pronouns or 'gendered' terms you call him, nor plans to thoroughly research humanity's complex topics about this unless it becomes medically relevant to a human he grows close to, because he isn't human
he will also call you whatever you want especially if his initial assumption is Corrected and then won't think about it again without a reason
#example: a child who has heard vehicles/ships referred to as she/her calling him she/her would not cause him to bat an eye#most associate him as dad/grandpa with occasional mom#he accepts this#and goes on about his day#[CANON|HC NOTES] heart full of broken dreams#if you've known me a long time you already know this but for those that have not i will state it here instead of casual discord discussions#suggestive#barely
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I actually think I do tend to gravitate towards characters named James and I kinda wonder if it's because of latent mommy issues because my mom was named Jamie after her grandpa James who died when I was 4
#my mom was completely fucked up by my grandpas death he was like a dad to her#incidentally i think his death is also why i hate birthdays because he died a few days before mine and so every year around my bday my mom#would get super depressed and it ruined the whole thing for me
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I don't know why every time there's a bad situation going on adding extra stress in my life, it ALWAYS coincides with extra responsibilities being put on my shoulders- also adding extra stress in my life
#ONE THING AT A TIME PLEASE!!!!#felt just... on the verge of an anxiety attack for a lot of the day tbh#my grandpa is in the hospital so my mom is staying with him which means there's no one else in the house to help with dishes and laundry and#keeping things straightened up so it falls to me#and it's a lot! and my mom not being here also means I'm isolated all day while my dad and brother are working and I also don't drive so#my mom can't drive me anywhere so I'm also stranded and it's just... it's just a lot and I'm not doing well with the stress of my grandpa's#health and other stuff going on while having to deal with additional responsibilities#I already went through this for 9 days while he was in the hospital and then he came home! he was in the clear!#and I went out of town with my bf Friday to see a comedy show and came back Sunday and overnight#grandpa had to go back to the hospital so I didn't get to spend much time with my mom AND the stress of grandpa's situation AND I'm right#back where I was with the extra stress I already burnt out from last week#I know this too shall pass and all that but I'm just struggling 🫠🫠🫠#anyways. just needed to vent that ig#em rambles#vent post
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My mother confuses the fuck out of me
#i guess she's getting severance checks from her old job?#i mean fuck that's the least they could do after she worked there for 40 years#she only gets 900 a month from my dad's SSI survivor benefits#she went from saying we're struggling financially to suddenly offering to pay for shit i need#that kinda scares me because i think that means she's impulsively spending her savings. which could mean she thinks she's gonna die soon#she's 64 and my dad died at almost 63#like she helped my sister buy my niece a car. it's a 24 year old vehicle and only costed 4k and she paid 2k but 2k is a LOT to us#she said she's been saving my rent money to fix my car for the past couple of months on top of me saving for it#which means we definitely have the money to fix everything by now#but that's not happening all my tires still need to be replaced my ac doesn't work it's making clinking sounds#it stalled while i was driving the other day but turning it off and restarting it fixes it#anyway. the thing is I'm always sus about my mom offering shit.#she likes to hold shit over your head.#I'm very worried that she's gonna fix my car and then use that to control me in some way. because that's how it is every time.#but like.....it's better than not having the help. fuck.#i feel so privileged despite how broke and disabled i am. bc most disabled people dont have this to fall back on#the craziest thing is that the only reason we have this house is bc of my grandparents' inheritance#and neither of them went to college my grandpa was in the army#and my grandma only temporarily worked for jc penney as a bookkeeper#side note my 80 year old grandma was better with computers than most elderly people are today#just from that job? from what i know#when she died my family sold the family house and that's how we put the down payment on this house#which btw only costed 64k in 2012 apparently it's worth 175k now according to zillow#but like. how. i feel like my family being white and christian is the only reason we have all this privilege#i have a headache bye#.bdo
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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before#and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️
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i really do want to wear a mask when i go out its super convenient but unfortunately my parents will get weird and bug me until i take it off then make fun of me for being a fake activist or whatever. so im just screwed. sorry
#i think its because they feel guilty about not doing it. it makes it hard for mom to breathe for some reason and dad has glasses so they fog#up so they dont wear masks for longer than absolutely necessary.#my grandpas the worst about it tho. oppositional defiance disorder isnt real but he has it somehow#hes got this like complex about needing to break the rules and do the opposite of whatever people tell him to. reverse psychology is the#only way to get this guy to do anything. and hes really annoying about masks too#like he got covid and he kept going to work with old people and casually took his mask off to like eat and talk to people.#when i move out if this shit isnt over im wearing a mask every day. i love it its like a scarf and also people cant see the lower half#of your face. really nice for someone who vocal stims
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I…
So I grew up watching The Simpsons. And maybe I shouldn’t have, but hey, it was the 90s and parent-sanctioned family time to watch a show that was definitely inappropriate for little-little kids.
Anyways.
I knew Phil Hartman, voice of Troy McClure and Lionel Hutz died in 1998, when I was seven. I knew he died and was sad about it. I missed his characters.
MOTHERFUCKER I WAS TODAY YEARS OLD—30-FUCKING-2 TO BE EXACT—WHEN I FOUND OUT, FROM A YOUTUBE THUMBNAIL, THAT HE WAS MURDERED. IN HIS SLEEP. BY AN EX-PARTNER.
WHAT THE FUCK
#I assumed he was old and just passed away. maybe he was sick. how do you explain to a 7yo that a voice actor was MURDERED#and idk the state of the show nowadays but esp in its earlier seasons it was definitely meant to push boundaries and yeah#I don’t think I should’ve been to it before the age of 8 to 10#at minimum. but also. SO much just flew over my head. and we know now I. autistic and my parents are autistic#and do you know how many echolalia swims we all have from that show? 😂😅#*stims goddamn you autocorrect. every day the apple company curses my tags. I miss having an actual keyboard god damn it#apple talks#to the tune of spam#my parents weren’t naive enough to think all animation is for kids like there were plenty of shows I hasn’t allowed to watch as a kid#but idk man. for some reason the Simpsons and the critic were a-okay#but king of the hill wasn’t?? honestly I think it had more to do with whether or not my dad in particular liked a show than whether or not#it was deemed ‘appropriate for children’#my mom tried to ban me from watching sailor moon bc she said it was just ‘little girls jumping around in short skirts being saved by the boy#like hi mom I’m gay. and also watched it in secret for several years. she never found out. I told her long after bc I thought it was#hilarious. mostly she was just mad bc my grandpa was supposed to be watching me lmao
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I've been thinking and dreaming so much about death its mildly concerning
#rainy talks#rainy vents#my cousin should be 29 instead we're fast approaching the 14 year anniversary of her death#my moms been dead fo 15 she died in her forties and I know circumstances are different because she had like#8 kids + several miscarriages and her dad also died relatively young#my grandma[the one I liked] died with 2 different types of cancers in her body#and all my dreams lately involve people dying#not anyone I know but like randos#and I wonder if thats because of semi guy#qnd then i always worry about my siblings between the alcoholism and the surgeries and the traveling all the time#i don't want to one day say “yeah I have six living siblings and one dead”#i don't want to be the one that they say that about#i don't want my dad to die or my grandpa or even my cousins that I hate#I'm so tired of thinking about people dying
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…
#Tomorrow it will have been four years since my grandpa died#I’m always bitchier this time of year. Sorry.#Especially since I can’t spend the day with mom. It was her dad.#She works and dad’s a bitch. She canceled the day off bc weekends are dad’s#Fucking damn it#People always say I’m the mini version of him. Bc of the way I see things. Say things. Walk. Think. act. Look even.#People say I remind them of him but they’re surprised to see the same mental struggles repeated in me
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(via T-shirt classique « Café du matin, amateurs de café moulu, café d'amour, cadeau pour maman, cadeau pour papa, maman et café, papa et café » par LovlelyMama)
#findyourthing#redbubble#coffee gardening tea funny cool book lover reading#coffee lover coffee lovers food vintage retro papa#grandpa fathers day grandma cute black cat mens papa like a grandpa#coffee and book#caffeinated restaurants#Morning coffee ground coffee lovers love coffee gift for mom gift for dad mom and coffee dad and coffee#Café du matin amateurs de café moulu café d'amour cadeau pour maman cadeau pour papa maman et café papa et café
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disclaimer : this is a personal life vent look away
shouldn’t be sharing this but i need to take it off my brain (wow reading it back it really sounds like i lost my mind but unfortunately it’s all true and not all of it fits in 30 tags lmaooo)
#because at this point it’s too funny not to share#keep in mind that all of this happened in the last two months 😭#so my dad wants to introduce us to his new gf who he met barely two weeks ago on holidays and will now move in and look for a job here caus#she’s from romania and wants to stay ?????#i know because my dad asked me to clear my room so she has one which okay i guess#my room that’s currently full cause we had to get the stuff we stored at my grandparents following my parents breakup as they’re themselves#getting a divorce after 60 years together and selling the family home we all grew up in#this happening because my grandma got diagnosed with alzheimer n my grandpa so this as an escape door to talk about her being violent#cause breaking news we all looked up to them as the inspiration for a couple but apparently she’s been abusive their whole life#we also just learned to our last name should be different as my grandpa never knew his dad and too his mothers name#all of this we learned having to question our aunt cause we found out by randomly seeing to house on selling website and our dad just sayin#'sometimes people aren’t in love anymore' like we’re 5 yo#i don’t think my dad ever processed any emotion#taking it back to my dad he wants to introduce us on the 16th which funny thing is the day my mom is getting married to her partner#and im still not sure if my dad knows#marriage that makes me sicker the closer it gets cause the guy is a walking red flag and lately i haven’t seen my mom that much#cause i can’t stand him and how she is when he’s around#which he always. is.#oh and his daughter who hasn’t talked to him in years and truly i get it sis will be here but everyone knows#it’s to ask him for the money he doesn’t have again#so im torn but also i up she makes a fuss and everything gets cancel so i don’t have to talk to my mom about how she’s doing exactly#what she promised to never fall for again after finally ditching my dad#and like at least my mom’s side is out of the equation as there’s probably still a murderer on the loose looking for her sicko sister#who herself threatened my mom several times cause my mom dared calling her out on abandoning her disabled daughter to live#with their parents for twenty years and still now with them nearing 80 being sick and broke cause they never made it official and she’s#still the one getting money support lmaooo#oh how could i forget im also staying at my dads cause my big sister moved back with my mom and took my room#following her breakup with her bf of 4 years when she caught him cheating with a 16 years old#oh and now some of my best friends are still deliberating wether they ever wanna talk to me again#this could be fine if i could cry **** *** and dissociate but i no longer have my own room :) being so so brave rn :)
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ive begun to condition myself into attraction to balding men as a defense mechanism against the inevitable future of my beautiful beautiful hair. hopefully one day i will progress to bald men in full.
#i am the spitting image of my EXTREMELY BALD father#i mean i'm trans and xx afaik so god willing i just have to worry about my moms side#which has like the standard jewish and british amount of balding i think#my grandpa has a decent head of hair and only balded from stress uncle's still got it at 50 ultazeyde was rocking a good amount too#but i am SO STRESSED all the time even though i do fuck all all day so i fear it'll leave me early#my dad went bald in COLLEGE and my mom still married him AND SHE MADE HIM BALD NATURALLY WITHOUT SHAVING HIS HEAD#it was horrific he just had this patchy little triangle i think he converted just for the kippah#still worth it to go on t for the voice and the bottom growth and hopefully some body type changes#but i might stop taking it once i have a deeper voice ngl. i have pcos so my t levels r enough for a masc face and some facial hair#once i get the permanent changes i might stop taking it just for the hair lmao#ive heard if you have pcos it affects the timeline for t in weird ways too though so idk#like you get bottom growth really quickly but voice change takes longer and your face might look the same#no clue why it's all anecdotal not enough ppl to study really
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I'd say the children of people who shouldn't have had kids.
Still, fully agreed.
we are the daughters of parents who should not have had kids
#my parents were abused like all hell#then gave into the pressure to have children despite having no plan on how to NOT DO THAT#the society they lived in demanded they have children to Be Good People#and then when their first kid overwhelmed them? ... they found a church#that taught them all humans are inherently sinful and we're just running out the clock till judgement day#MA'S PARENTS DIDN'T RAISE HER IN ANY FAITH BECAUSE THEY DISAGREED AND DIDN'T WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT#grandpa is catholic grandma is lutheran#dad was raised Missori Synod#which is as close as you can get to Roman Catholic while calling yourself a lutheran#they still did corporal pinishment i.e hitting kids in Sunday School#so when mom's mental health got even more difficult to manage with a CHILD TO RAISE and the HORMONAL HELL after delivery#and dad decided the way to fix it was to introduce her to jesus#and then both of them just defaulted into Do As We Say Not As We Do#expecting us to be Glorious Savants in everything we did and NEVER giving us any credit#expecting us to THANK GOD that we met expectations instead of our parents recognizing our efforts#while all wrongdoing was ALWAYS fully OUR fault#no one elses#and misunderstandings got us screamed at for lying#while Ma listened to Rush Limbah on the radio every day from before I was born to the day that hateful fuckwit died#my parents had a chance to break the cycle and heal#and didn't#and passed their traumas on to their kids through NEGLECT and failure to ENGAGE WITH THEIR OWN CIRCUMATANCES AND DO BETTER#inflicted poverty trauma on us despite us being well off by screaming at us whenever we asked for something we didn't capital N Need#but casually financing a fancy new boat for them to go fishing Because They Earned It#inflicted generational trauma by making the same demands as their parents despite telling us exactly how those demands did them harm#enforced gender roles despite ma being the most “traditionally masculine” human being I know#and dad's happy place being in the home cooking and cleaning and supporting the family unit#but dad had the good job so he didn't get to be where he was happy#and ma being denied work and decent wages and blaming it on immigrants instead of grappling with Sexism Still Being A Thing#like... yall got SO close
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