#following her breakup with her bf of 4 years when she caught him cheating with a 16 years old

[meanwhileinoz]

10+ Cheaters Reveal Why They Did It And This Might Change How You See It

Cheating can be the most unforgivable mistake ever made by someone. When it happens to someone, nothing can be more satisfying than the cheater getting caught red-handed.

Be it an emotional revenge or how it should be done morally, sometimes it feels like the only right thing to do for some people. During a classic Ask Reddit Therapy session for cheaters, more than a dozen of lovesick people expressed themselves and told why did they choose to do it.

Can cheating be the right move in any case? Probably not. But do we think about cheating from the cheater’s perspective and realise the bitter truth?

Let’s look at these guys who were just plain honest:

No logic here. I was 17 there was a girl naked on a bed that said “come fuck me”. So I did. Wasn’t right, but wasn’t thinking either.

#2 This Guy And His Hormones

No logic. Just hormones and regret

#3 Damien_ had no self-control

I shouldn’t have been in a relationship in the first place as I wanted to fuck every decent looking girl I met. And if they were up for it, then we went at it.

I’m done with all that now.

But wait there are other people with interesting reasons now…

#4 Macintosh found that she can be loved too with a challenge.

16 year marriage. Every night I would beg him for sex, every night he would make some excuse not to. He would then masturbate to pornography, while I lay in our room trying to figure out why I wasn’t enough. Every 10-12 months he would give in and we would have sex. Other than these times there was so physical touching. No hugs. No kisses, no hand holding etc. I was starving.

After one confrontation, he told me to go find a boyfriend, but warned me no one else would want me.

So, I did. It only happened once, but it taught me some really valuable lessons, and gave me the courage to leave this sexually, financially and physically abusive marriage.

It took two years, but I left. I am with a man now who touches me all the time, treats me well and makes me incredibly happy.

Should I have cheated? No. But one partner does not get to totally dictate the couples sex life. I was scared and hurt And broken.

  #5 SombraBlanca had desires that ended up in a breakup.

We had been slowly falling out of love and turning into roommates that occasionally rubbed privates together. There was a lot of talk about spicing it up in the bedroom but by her own admission, she’s pretty vanilla and didn’t want to wrap her head around the idea of other positions besides missionary and her being on top. I

had been training a very attractive and smart woman at work who noticed I was having a hard time one day and I spilled everything out to her at lunch. A few more weeks of shameless flirting between the both of us culminated in an incredible night in a hotel room that currently holds the top preferred customer spot in my spank bank.

It felt awful imagining my girlfriend’s face but at that point the path ahead was crystal clear, we broke up the next day and I never told her what happened. The co-worker and I continued to date off and on for two years. We never could make a relationship work but fell back on the sex.. that whole time was full of lessons I’m still learning.

#6 Refrith was in trouble.

I was in a serious car accident. My GF at the time was really busy and couldn’t be there for me the way I wished. But my ex was. One thing led to another, and I ended up sleeping with my ex. Worst decision of my life

#7 Anonymous thinks she lost it in long distance.

I was in a long distance relationship- he moved for his career, I was supposed to follow once I figured my shit out.

So I hadn’t seen him in 6 months, he rarely wanted to Skype or talk on the phone, he didn’t want to come back to visit me (only me visiting him, he hated the state), I’d always text him first, etc. So I started distancing myself from the relationship, as I felt that’s what he was doing. My head went to a dark place and figured he was cheating on me or didn’t love me anymore. Lack of communication I guess. I also felt I was becoming a clingy GF and I never wanted to be that girl (even in a long distance).

So I met this guy, we hit it off right away, there was so much mental and physical chemistry. We’d communicate a lot, he always wanted to hang out but I told him no, as I was in a relationship. But I think I hadn’t heard from my BF in week at one point, even after texts sent. So I hung out with the other guy and we ended up hooking up.

Do I regret cheating? Yeah. I broke it off with the BF the next week out of guilt, I never told him. I should’ve ended it well before that point, considering I was falling out of love. I was young and naive. But we both agreed the long distance wasn’t working. Haven’t talked to him since, but I have a feeling he’s doing alright in life.

#8 Atticah was being blackmailed.

The reason was because she was constantly accusing me of cheating after I caught her cheating and speaking with her ex behind my back. She would steal my belongings and if I broke up with her she would use that against me to force me to talk to her and eventually get back together because sex…

Just ended a month ago when she caught me on a date with another girl and hit me with her car. So it was kinda worth it. Though my custom made ironwood bear, watch and ps4 are gone now 🙁

#9 It Was So Messed Up For Gilga Mosh

We had very poor communication and were both very insecure (wife and I)

She assumed I was cheating when I wasn’t, facilitated a threesome to control the insecurity and then we flip flopped for years between open and not, all the while our sex life which had been daily when we were dating dropped to a dead bedroom.

I talked, I begged, I volunteered to do counseling (she would never do mutual counseling) and I did without. I gave up passords, and stopped seeing friends. I went to a couple Sexaholics Anonymous meetings. And I did without. Month in and month out. and we would cycle over the years. Cheat, get caught, make amends, be happy, dead bedroom, cheat. And the problems were always my fault. My timing, my not understanding her meds, or her aches, or her bad days.

I got selfish. I got desperate. I would flirt and sell myself to other desperate lonely people. Park sex, car sex, elevator machinery closet, bathrooms. Anything to just feel desired.

it’s fucked up.

#10 DuckfatPopcorn saved herself by cheating.

This happened with my last relationship. I was with an emotional (later physical) abuser. He made me think that I was completely insane, and so ugly and awful that no guy would ever want to be with me.

Someone finally took an interest in me and made me feel beautiful, so I slept with him. I didn’t particularly enjoy the experience, but it made me feel better about myself.

My ex found out and made my life a living hell afterwards until I finally left him. I found out he had cheated on me with no less than 5 women, most of which were co-workers.

#11 Lunanoblado found true love in cheating.

I started dating my high school sweetheart when we were both 16.

We moved in together when we were 19, because that’s what you dowhen you’ve been in a relationship that long.

We got engaged when we were 20 because that’s what you do when you’ve been together for four years.

We got married at 21 because that’s what you do once you’re engaged for a while.

I’d had doubts about our relationship for a long time before we got married, and afterwards, they just grew stronger. “Why am I with this guy who is so different than me in every way – cleanliness, attitude towards finances, politics, acceptance of other cultures, ways of showing affection?” But I told myself that he was probably the best fit for me, and hey, we already lived together, and our families liked each other, and whatever, too much effort to give up now.

Then I became best friends with my coworker. He complemented me in every way, and treated me so well. One night, I drunkenly texted him and admitted I had a crush on him, and he told me he had a crush on me too.

We tried to stay friends because neither one of us wanted to ruin my marriage, and I still believed I was in love with my husband. It didn’t work. We flirted for months (occasionally telling ourselves we had to stop, and achieving that for a day or two). We fell in love, and couldn’t stand to be apart from each other.

I told myself I was still in love with my husband, but I was also in love with my coworker. Eventually, my willpower broke down and I slept with him.

After that, it didn’t take long for my marriage to fall apart. My husband moved 200 miles away for a job, which, of course, made my affair much easier to carry on. My husband and I kept drifting further and further apart, until I finally told him I wanted a divorce after less than six months of marriage.

I’ve never admitted to my ex husband that I cheated on him, even though he assumes so. I’m actually married to the man I cheated with, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been before.

I’m don’t regret marrying my first husband, because it smashed a lot of my ideals on what a marriage entailed.

I don’t regret getting with my current husband, because I do feel we are very well matched and I love him much more than I ever loved my ex.

I do regret having cheated. I wish I had finished one relationship before starting another. I constantly think of the phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater”, and it tears me apart because I know I’m capable of doing such an awful thing. But I simply remind myself that everyone fucks up sometimes, and people are capable of changing.

I married high school sweetheart, wasn’t actually in love with him; fell in love with coworker, didn’t have patience to finish one relationship before starting another

#12 SlaughterHouse451 took the turn at the right time.

Everyone wants to feel like they’re loved and important; it’s one of the major reasons why people enter into relationships. Most relationships are simply based on this phenomenon which is why half of all marriages end in divorce and couples seemingly break up and make up faster than you can microwave a hot pocket.

So when one person in the couple starts taking the other person for granted and the other person feels unloved and disrespected, they lash out in the only way they know how; getting the attention they want from someone else.

The morality is up for debate, but if you’re technically “in a relationship” and the other person doesn’t give a shit about your existence, is it a relationship?

That’s how I felt except we were in the process of making things official but were never 100% together. After months of being the perfect boyfriend, meeting her family, her friends and everyone in her life, and doing everything in my power to see her around her schedule, I realized she wasn’t into it but wouldn’t let go of me so I could find someone else.

A girl from my past messaged me one day and for a few weeks we started talking and wound up hooking up a few times. I went to see the girl I was “dating” so to speak to talk about us and she told me she simply wanted to be alone, so that was the end of that. I feel like I cheated even though by definition I didn’t cheat.

#13 AJKettles still struggles to forget.

I was sad, I was angry, I was being emotionally and physically abused in my relationship. I wanted comfort. I was in the middle of nowhere and couldn’t really escape.

Definitely not my proudest moment, and even though my ex was an abusive bastard, I don’t think he deserved that. 10/10 would never cheat again.

Even though there were reasons that some people might deem understandable, in my eyes I still cheated and it was wrong

#14 FuzzleChan preferred mental health.

Honestly, undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. My brain was fucked up, whole bunch of emotions I didn’t understand and a lack of impulse control. What I did was still my fault, I’m not denying that. But after I was diagnosed I went through a lot of self-help therapy books, saw a counsellor… And the urge to cheat has never come up in the past 3 years with my current SO.

Mental illness is a bitch. It can influence you to do things that you never thought you would do. Those things are still your actions, and your responsibility. But it’s like your brain holding a gun to your head and telling you to do something. And if you don’t have the right coping skills, you don’t know how to say no to your brain.

#15 The_72_ explained the importance of communication

I wasn’t clear what our relationship boundaries were. He was adamant that we weren’t dating, but we still exchanged “I love yous” and essentially lived together.

He was very new age, had talked about previous open relationships, and generally spoke in vague terms.

We were briefly long distance at the start of our relationship (so not many people knew we were together) and a friend kissed me. I panicked, called my SO and told him, and he responded nonchalantly. If anything, he was irritated and confused that I called him about it. I left the conversation with the impression that he was seeing other people and rather expected I was as well.

So I slept with the friend. And then later found out that my SO considered me his “monogamous primary partner”, which makes me a cheater.

I felt shitty about it for a long time, but in the end, I learned from the experience and Paul was a shit anyway.

  The conclusion is, it’s not simple for everyone. But to avoid this all, we must try to first question ourselves on time before getting into relationships.

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