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alotsgonnachange · 4 years ago

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Mystic Messenger Saeran’s AE Thoughts (.......And Prayers..) #Spoilerz

Hello, I just finished Saeran’s after ending and I have a lot of things to say and I am going to write it down while I'm still all keyed up about it.

First of all… Please DO NOT ask me how much money I spent to finish this as fast as I did…. I’m grown but my bank account is certainly going to have a good ole fashioned CHUCKLE at this….. It’s been a long quarantine I deserve a lil happiness as a treat methinks!

I have been playing this absolutely insane game since I think 2016? When I first started playing the deep routes had JUST come out I think? And I was just finishing up high school and am now a college grad...lmao

I’ve played all routes at least once except Jaehee but i’ve seen walkthroughs of her route (I’ve heard it makes you hate Jumin and he’s my favorite so um. hehe). V’s and Saeran’s routes I found to be so emotionally intense and just….a lot and I've been waiting a long ass god damn time for this after ending okay…. I would theorize and make up an ending in my head but i’m no writer so it was hard to figure out lol. I’m a Jumin stan mostly but I love everybody and yeah I should probably play that jumin dlc too but I need like a DAY to recover from Saeran’s AE. Enough about me HERE are my thoughts on it overall

Major Saeran AE Spoilers under da cut!

Can we please discuss V showing up to the C+R conference room with basically chloroform and made everybody Pass Out like??? I was alone in my room at like midnight just SCREAMING at my phone???? And the creepy ass CG ???? It’s like that gif of sarah paulson from ahs being like “I put arsenic in the wine….and the pasta”

Anyway I screamed at V a lot during this process!!

Loved RFA being sweet and kind to saeran (before V fucking drugged them…)

This is such common V behavior “I have to do it all myself...there’s no other way..” GIRL SHUT UPPP You do this every route....

SO many CG’s and I enjoy them a lot

Saeran’s sprite looks a little TOO crisp compared to everyone else but maybe its a glitch??? V next to him is in 480p while saeran is like 1080p

Hearing both Saeran and Saeyoung missing the other brother the whole time??? PAIN. All my homies know is PAIN

BOSS and his V for Vendetta ass guy fawkes mask??? I literally yelled “this game is TERRIBLE!!” several times at my phone

Their dad is so>??????? When he was sitting on the couch with saeyoung in that one CG while simultaneously telling him to kill himself?????????? Maybe chairman han is actually the best dad in this game somehow

When V and Rika were like we’re back together teehee teehee okay pack it up bonnie and clyde ..

When chairman han calls u and says hes jealous of u and saeran…..HUH????? I’m calling HR

When they go to the apartment and see boss and vanderwood and poor saeyoung is sitting there seeing his brother for the first time in years i wanted to D word sooooo bad like PAIN...PAIN….

Can we HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT JUMIN HAN BEING THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE GAME AND HE LOST EVERYTHING IN THIS AE……. he just took the blame and moved on jumin what the hell….. I love him so much r we serious? He watched his 2 closest friends betray him in the worst way and found out abt how Rika abused Saeyoung and Saeran???? I felt just AWFUL. Terrible ...Terrible….

Rika’s change in demeanor from Saeran's actual route is certainly a Choice. I find her much more bearable this time around and unfortunately i think I was too nice to her and ended up with a bad end LMFAO

I was happy to see Saeran stand up for himself and become stronger and confident. You go king!

The CG of Yoosung laying in Zen’s lap is everything to me…

HOWEVER YUP I sure did get a bad ending and I was so mad fdsafdskfdhsf ! (I would be happy to clarify how I got the good one the second time.) MAKE SURE To SAVE EARLY in days 2 and 3 bc the branches on day 4 is where the bad end will show up. For me it was the first day 4 chat and then a story mode titled “SAVIOR”.... If you see that RUN FOR THE HILLS!!

I was so mad! But I had saved in day 2 and replayed and MANAGED to get good end

I’m obsessed with everyone calling V and Rika “that psychotic couple” like…..its true its true…

No those two are so toxic… V’s route was torture watching them go on and on about the sun like yo can yall just call each other babe like normal people.

I respect straight people but not V and RIka that shit was just wrong… Straight marriage was a mistake

Oh lord i also FULLY Forgot Rika killed the twins’ mother…. Yeah that scene was um Certainly a lot but it needed to happen eventually

Like it’s good they know but damn that storyline is just so bleak

I think it was satisfying TO A DEGREE….To see Rika understand where she was wrong, why she was wrong, fess up and even APOLOGIZE! I was very surprised.

Saeran and Saeyoung are Certainly twins with the amount that those two self sacrifice in every route MY GOD…..

The scene with Jumin talking to his father and the other scene of him praying oh my god I cannot tell you how happy I was to see him begin to understand and address his own feelings in a route that was not his own. My main problem with Jumin’s route has always been the trapping MC in his penthouse aspect.. This way Jumin understands love and emotions without being overly possessive !!! YAY also loved seeing him be on good terms with his dad who was surprisingly profound

That last Story mode was Really a Lot…. and Strange things occurred which I will get into in just a minute

Jumin becoming a politician is so funny but ngl … i see it.

Yoosung going to france to study pastries ok king I see u! (it made more sense to me than the vet thing anyway)

Lastly Zen FURRY ERA

MY BEEF With the AE

I was happy with how they handled it for the most part. I think Cheritz heard our feedback about V’s after ending and was like okay….let’s try something different

HOWEVER

Saeran…. Sweet kind saeran… IS SO AFFECTIONATE HAHA….

He must have said I love you like 300 times…..very mushy gushy flowery language...and maybe that’s just his personality but for me it was like eating cake with buttercream cake. It means well, but god damn is it sugary and going to cause a stomach ache later.

He was just… SO MUCH! SO forward and ON all the time in his affections. I honestly felt kind of smothered and by day 3 and 4 I was sooooo over all the compliments… King you’ve come a very long way, but ur still putting MC on a pedestal and probably need to see a therapist.

Nextly….Rika and V….. Naw that knock out gas really ...that hurt lol. Coming from “I would do anything to protect RFA” V? Idk like…. EYE felt betrayed reading that. It was just hurtful. I can’t even imagine how the members would have felt as they were passing out. It was just so cruel. I suppose I understand why but like?? Just TERRIBLE

Them being in cahoots with the agency and the prime minister..HUH??? Also too much

V just felt so irresponsible like I do understand that he ended up in a weird web of secrets that’s hard to untangle but he’s so fucking stubborn he’s SO stubborn it makes me insane. Like sir… It seems like in other routes he wanted to try to protect Rika and the RFA.. But in this AE it seems more to me that he was like yeah i’m protecting Rika and That’s It… so fucking hurtful to me. Both of y’all apologize ESPECIALLY to the twins and Jumin..

The forgiveness thing…… Okay so I think some people will not like that Saeran decided to “forgive” the people who hurt him (Rika, V, Saejoong, his mother). I would point out that I actually think this was approached somewhat well. He says at one point that he doesn’t think they’re good or bad, just people. I think he sounded mature and like this was the way for him personally to accomplish his healing process. Would I have loved for Saeran to flip V and Rika off and kick Saejoong off a cliff? Yea I really would. But like…. If that’s what HE needs to do to heal then who am I to judge?

HOWEVER…. Everything Eye just said goes out the window when the scenes at the end with Saejoong come up… I was PERPLEXED. Like why did he HUG his deranged father who just kicked the shit out of him??? Also all the chat options that MC has with him r like blah blah you’re like this because no one loves you were so corny to me LMFAOOOO?

AND WHEN HE WAS IN THE ROOM LATER WITH SAERAN… i’m sorry but if that were me I would have called a nurse to deck his ass. Cool he turned himself in YOU SUCK SOOOO BAD AND I NEVER WANT YOU TO COME NEAR SAEYOUNG AND SAERAN AGAIN THANKS.

*scratches ass* I wish I got to see saeyoung and saeran finally sit down and have that first conversation after a long time and hug CG but the ending was fine I GUESS….. I dont care about ROMANCE I want those boys to be happy brothers together

Anyway that was really emotionally exhausting but I fr think I got it out of my system after literal years… And I can rest in peace knowing the choi twins are happy. THATS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW!!!!

#Saeran Choi #Saeran AE #Saeran after ending #Saeran AE spoilers #Mystic messenger #Mysme #Saeran after ending spoilers #mystic messenger spoilers

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pradaksj · 4 years ago

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ghostin (m.) || [fic preview!]

↳do not repost, translate, or claim as your own.

❧ summary ⟶ ❝Though I wish he were here instead. Don't want that living in your head, he just comes to visit me when I'm dreaming every now and then. ❞

❧ pairing⟶ seokjin/reader

❧ genre⟶ angst, angst, and angst … did i say angst? + a bit of fluff? friends to lovers. neighbors au.

❧ word count ⟶ 37k+ [I got carried away lmao]

❧ warnings! ⟶ major character death! sad ending. descriptions of grieving process.

❧ expected publish date ⟶ 3/6/21 @ 5PM PST

❧ part of the ⟶ thank u, next series

The sounds of crickets chirping fills the air, a wine glass in your hand as you look at the stars above in the sky from the comfort of your front porch.

Inside, your parents were talking about the most mundane of things with Jin’s parents, while the kids were busy preoccupying themselves playing with their newly gifted Nintendo 64. And after getting tired of constantly losing to them, here you were, taking a break from the chaos going on inside.

Seojun was arriving tomorrow, from there you’d only be here for the remainder of the weekend and then back home to your apartment in Seoul, as if nothing ever happened. Ever since yesterday, something was eating at you. You just weren’t sure what. And the only thing you could look at to ease your anxiousness was the ring on your finger, a solid reminder that you had a future to look forward to and that the past was buried six feet under.

Taking a gulp of the drink in your hand, you mentally curse Jin. Why did he have to return? Out of all years, this had to be the one he chose to magically come back in? “Damn you Seok—”

“Y/N?” you look up to see the person you were just damning, car keys in hand. It looked as if he was originally planning on going somewhere, but must’ve walked over here once he saw you sitting here by yourself.

“Seokjin,” you say, a mixture of both shock and displeasure evident in your voice.

Relief washes over him when hearing your response because unbeknownst to you, from afar you looked as if you were completely knocked out, a result of the position you were in while you were deeply thinking. Immediately he eyes the wine glass in front of you, everything beginning to make sense.

“You looked um—” shaking his head, he disregards what he was going to say, “Sorry I’ll just get going.”

And maybe it was the wine talking, but rather than keep quiet and watch him leave, you call out to him, “You can—” you hesitate to continue, “You can sit here if you want,” you say, “that’s only if you want to of course, I’m not forcing you to do anything you don’t want to because I’m not exactly physically capable of doing that and—”

Jin interrupts your tipsy rambling by sitting at an appropriate distance from you, a soft chuckle escaping from his lips, “You always did like getting drunk off wine,” he whispers under his breath, a small smile on his lips.

For a while, the two of you remain in silence, simply staring at the view above. That was of course until you asked him a simple question, “Where were you going?” you mumble.

Bringing his attention towards you, his eyes soften, “Just wanted some fresh air,” he simply answers, being completely truthful.

Silently you nod, “Mm that’s good,” you say, your cheeks a soft tinge of red because of the wine.

“So…”

“So…” you mimic him, causing him to playfully roll his eyes.

“How have you been?” he attempts to break the ice, “I realized I didn’t really ask you that yesterday…”

It was funny really, the two of you truly had become strangers in a sense, just like how he said you two would be that night. But in a way, it also made things more interesting, it was as if he was getting the chance to know you for the second time in his life.

“I’ve been..” you hesitate to find the right word, ultimately deciding on the simplest one you knew, “I’ve been good,” you say, “I’m doing something I love, have an apartment I completely adore, and I found someone—” you stop yourself from continuing.

“You found someone you love?” he says for you, and silently you nod, remaining silent for a moment.

“Why did you—” you pause before continuing, “Why did you become a businessman?” you ask, the question having been on your mind since the day before.

Casually, he shrugs, “There was no future in the world of entertainment for me y/n,” he states, “so I went back to college, worked my ass off, and got a degree in financial accounting. From there the job offers came pretty easily and now I’m a traveling business analyst.”

“Did you do it because of your da—”

He’s quick to nod his head no, “I did it for—,” and at the last second he changes what he was originally going to say, “I did it for myself,” and you feel yourself getting angry.

“But it wasn’t what you dreamed of, it wasn’t something you loved!” you unintentionally shout.

“Hey hey hey,” he places a hand on your shoulder, “any louder and the whole neighborhood will hear you,” he attempts to joke around, and you feel your face get redder than it already was.

Letting go of your shoulder, he looks back up to the stars, his voice becoming soft, “The night I told you about wanting to seriously pursue becoming a director, you told me that if I failed, the real question would be if I’d be able to accept it…” your gaze falls on him while he continues to look up into the sky, “At first I wasn’t able to… I was too ashamed to admit to failure, but—” he smiles, “when I finally did, it almost felt liberating. And so I realized sometimes you have to give up the things you love, for a better shot at a future.”

Bullshit.

Complete bullshit.

That’s what you want to say to him.

And so you do.

“That’s complete utter bullshit Seokjin,” you mutter, taking a sip of your drink, “because if it isn’t then that makes you a selfish person, and you’re the farthest thing from selfish. So that’s just bullshit and you know it.”

He laughs, “It is, isn't it?”

Not expecting him to agree, you look at him in shock before grouchily looking away, focusing your gaze on anything but him.

Failing to hear the brief sharp hissing sound of his zipper being pulled down, you suddenly feel the placement of his sweater over your shoulders. You furrow your brows in confusion, “You’re shivering like a chihuahua,” he explains, scratching his neck like he always did whenever he was nervous.

Crossing your arms, you attempt to hide your face which you were sure by now was as red as a tomato. What the hell were you doing? Sitting here talking to your ex boyfriend of 6 years while your fianceé was probably well on his way here… it was wrong, it was inappropriate. So then if you knew that then why did it feel so … you brush the thought off before you could complete it.

“Because he was your friend first and as much as you hate to admit it, he'll always mean something to you…” you tell yourself, feeling guilty at the thought.

“Y/N?” he says your name, bringing you back to reality.

You look at him, wondering why he said your name out of the blue.

“Do you—” it was now his turn to hesitate, “Do you hate me?” he finally asks, and immediately your mind says no. You could never hate him, even if you wanted to.

He stares at you, anxiously waiting for a response.

“No I don’t.” you simply say, not bothering to elaborate any further, but for Jin that was enough. It was enough to tell him that you still …

“Seojun…” you whisper under your breath, a car pulling into the driveway of your house, a look of surprise on your face. Immediately you push off the jacket from your shoulders, catching Seokjin by surprise.

“So this is who he is…” Jin thinks to himself, watching the handsome man come out of the car, a grin on his face as he locks eyes with you.

Walking towards him, Jin watches as you lovingly greet the man with a kiss to the cheek, the two of you then walking towards him. “Seojun this is Seokjin, his parents are the neighbors,” Seojun offers his hand out, a polite smile on his face, “Seokjin this is Seojun, my fianceé,” the two shake hands. Your past and present finally meeting.

“Seokjin which means to be a great treasure,” Seojun attempts to make small conversation.

“He’s a linguist,” you explain, awkwardly chuckling, noting the fake smile on Seokjin’s face.

“Mm I see,” he mumbles, bitterness in his voice.

“I thought you weren’t coming till tomorrow?” you ask your fianceé, still surprised by his sudden appearance.

He shrugs, “What can I say, I got bored,” he laughs, “So I said my goodbyes early, and decided why not come here to surprise you,” he kisses your forehead, and Jin feels the green eyed monster making its way out.

“Well I should get going,” Jin states.

“You sure?” you widen your eyes at Seojun’s sudden question, “I mean I love your dad y/n but it’d be nice to have someone else to talk to,” he chuckles, “and well I definitely wanna hear about what y/n was like as a teenager from someone who isn’t one of her parents.”

You and Jin both make awkward eye contact, unsure of what to say. “Maybe some other time,” Jin manages to say, “I have to um…” he flusters, “um..”

“Finish typing up that business report you were talking about,” you make an excuse for him.

He snaps his fingers, pretending that that was what he was trying to say, “Mmhmm yeah!” he scratches his neck, “My job just doesn’t want me resting, not even for the holidays, you know how it is...” he adds on, coming for the Actor of the Year award at next year's Oscars.

Seojun surprisingly believes it, “Damn, that’s too bad,” he scratches his chin, a sign that he was thinking of something, “Well are you coming to our engagement party? Maybe we can talk then,” he says, and if your eyes weren’t already wide enough, by now they were well on their way to falling onto the floor. Seojun was just too kind for his own good.

Jin practically chokes on his own spit, “I um—”

Realizing that you probably forgot to invite him, Seojun interrupts before Jin could feel any more embarrassed, “January 12, at the Lotte Hotel in Seoul, 6PM sharp.”

Feeling his face get red, Seokjin nods, “Yeah I’ll be there,” he forces a laugh.

Patting his shoulder, Seojun smiles, “I look forward to talking to you then,” he says, beginning to make his way inside, with you following closely behind, a guilt-ridden look on your face.

Now by himself, Jin silently cursed to himself. Damn him! Seojun wasn’t at all the asshole Seokjin made him out to be in his head. But damn did he want him to be one…. then it’d be much easier to hate the man, and it’d make him much less guilty for what he was planning to do….

a/n / important question! : to anyone who is planning on reading this monster of a fic, would you prefer for it to be split into two (with both parts being posted on the same day) or all 35k+ words being posted in one. i'm mostly asking for my mobile readers which ik can get annoying to read long fics w the app constantly crashing . feel free to send a response through my ask box or just reply to this, i promise i dont bite :)

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pixie-cocaine · 5 years ago

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ATEEZ reaction to: their S.O. being dominant

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A/N: we all have our own opinions on how the boys will react, and since I find a select few pretty subby, they react differently in my eyes to female dominance. Don’t @ me lmao, it was never that deep. Also, this is directed towards females, so if you’re a male, don’t worry, I’ll start a male master list in the future 😘)

Songs listened to: Church - Chase Atlantic, Desire - Meg Meyers, I Wanna Be Adored - King Woman, Party Favors - Tinashe, Body Party - Ciara, Make You Feel - Alina Baraz, If You Do - GOT7, You Get Me So High - The Neighborhood, Lurk - The Neighborhood, Light - ATEEZ, Positions - Nia Sultana, Gentrify - Da Voska Docta

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(Mature, so read at your own risk!!)

Hongjoong ♡:

• hmmm

• He’d probably be hella surprised when you pushed him onto the bed after making work of his shirt, straddling his thighs almost immediately and going to kiss at his neck

• He’d be low-key turned on dkdnsbhxdh

• BUT, I know that bb has limits to how submissive he’s willing to be

• cuz let’s be honest, Hongjoong is a natural-born Dom

• he’s just a flexible person and he’s willing to try a lot of things

• So if you tried to like, peg him or some shit, he’d be like:

• “woah, woah, woah. I’m really not trying to have a plastic dick up my ass, can we go back a couple steps?”

• really not used to his sexual partners looking at him like you do

• the fire in your eyes, the way your mouth opens in a subconscious show of arousal when he sucks on your fingers, it’s all enough to make him cum just by seeing it

• he’ll let you have your fun, but if he’s not really feeling things out of his comfort zone, then he’ll switch roles

• “Uh-uh, my turn, baby” sjejwhwjns

• like: *knock knock* sir? you called for a free sex service?

Seonghwa ♡:

• so y'all shouldn’t even have to guess this one

• Hwa has said it hundreds of times with the lil hints he be throwin out. First, him spanking his plushies, second, him with the fuckin belt in his asmr vid, and then with the goddamn bdsm ring??

• WE FUCKING GET IT, HWA. YOU’RE A DOM

• so we already know that as soon as you threatened to tear his orgasm away from him while jerking him off that he’d raise an eyebrow and pull you onto his lap by your jaw

• he’d throw you down on your back before crawling over you, fingers finding their way to your cunt, sliding in easily with the slick you’d gathered from the foreplay he’d graced you with previous

• “I’d like to see you fucking try, little girl”

• you’d try to give a firm face, breathing uneven, but when he hit a certain spot inside you that had you jerk forward, your composure broke and you began to squirm

• “look at me when I’m giving you my attention,” he’d say as he wrapped a hand around your throat to yank your head forward

• “You can try to be tough all you want, but you know that as soon as you feel the mere graze of my fingers, you’ll be a quivering little leaf beneath my grasp”

• but if I think about it for a minute, it really depends on how dominating you are. While he does give a more intimidating vibe (which is prob only his stage presence :/), it’s a possibility that you can flip the tables fairly easily if you do it right.

Yunho ♡:

• Babyyyy :D

• ok, so I know some of y'all will be against this, but tbh, I don’t really give a fuck lol

• I see Yunho as a sub-leaning switch

• let’s say you’re straddling his hips and he’s laying beneath you, yeah?

• if you began to roll your hips down into his and put a hand at his neck, choking slightly, I just KNOW he’d frown slightly and let out an encouraging whine OH MY FUCKING GOD LET ME EAT YOUR ASS YUNHO

• speaking of eating ass, if you were to try and finger him, he’d most-likely be really into it.

• just imagine him, needy, and bouncing on your fingers. Sweat beading his forehead, seconds away from release, and just babbling on about how good you are to him UGH-

• I’m so sorry. Sub!Yunho always has me feeling some typa way

Yeosang ♡:

• Yeosang, Yeosang, Yeosangggg

• ok so I feel like he enjoys being a top most of the time

• I can just tell he’s a soft Dom, but I don’t think he particularly likes torturing his partners with teasing and stuff *cough cough* Hwa

• but he’s pretty flexible, so it might be an off-and-on thing for you guys

• maybe on occasionally, he’ll let you smack him around a bit, but most of the time he’ll fuck the soul outta you jdnsns

• but when you top, you won’t be able to do anything TOO crazy, but he’ll let you tie him up if you want

• idk, Yeosang is a special card, but I think he’s a natural soft Dom so, ya know

• oh boy, here we go y'all

• San would be so used to being in control, a lot of his past relationships, he was topping

• I feel like you’re the only dominant partner he’s ever been with

• you’re unmarked territory for him, bro

• so when you came home from a long day, kicking off your heels and shaking your hair from the tight bun it’d been in before ordering him to sit on the bed

• he’d be like: ●👄●

• “_____, are you-”

• “I’m not going to tell you again, San. Go sit down before I lose the last bit of patience I have left.”

• since he’d be so used to calling the shots, you’d have to go absolutely stupid on his ass for him to submit, even then, it’d take a little bit

• in other words, he’d be a little brat

• “I don’t know if you know this, but I’m not some dog that’ll immediately do whatever you want at the snap of your fingers,” he’d chuckle, raising a brow at the blank stare you gave him

• the next thing he saw before you had him pinned beneath you on the bed was the ghost of a frown on your face, then you had a fistful of his hair and a hand gripping his dick through his sweats like a vice

• “I don’t think you realize who you’re talking to, brat”

• he’d be heeeeeella turned on, considering he’d never been treated so rough and never had someone speak to him in such a degrading way

• San is such a great switch, bro

• bb can give and take like a fuckin bank (bars?)

• I can smell the twink on him-

Mingi ♡:

• big babie 🥺

• so just like Joong, he has limits to how submissive he’s willing to be

• but since he’s pretty flexible, he’s ok with a bunch of stuff

• really likes when you pull his hair

• will literally melt if you do

• but most of all, loves when you praise him, will do anything to get you to do so much as call him “a good boy”

• “God, look at you baby,” you cooed, running a hand through his blood-red tresses and smiling down at the beautiful male under you, staring at you like you made the world go round

• at the sound of the nickname, he’d groan slightly and shove his face further between your legs to drag his tongue up your slit, nose rubbing against your clit with the movements of his face

• literally the sweetest boy omfg don’t make me cry

Wooyoung ♡:

• alright y'all, onto our favorite five-dollar hooker

• Woo, in general, is a Dom-ish person ??

• but he wouldn’t mind having his hair pulled or being ridden with a couple fingers in his mouth

• but other than that, this bitch is whiny about being topped

• “But what if I don’t wanna be on bottom?”

• “Woo, I’m not even gonna be that rough on you, I promise-”

• “I don’t feel like it thougghh”

• [insert Woo being a dramatic fuckhead]

• lol jk this man is a switch and can be a huge bratty sub

Jongho ♡:

• oh lawd it’s my buff baby

• ok, so right off the bat, huge sub energy

• not even gonna lie to y'all, I really just can’t see Jongho topping unless he was big mad or it was a special occasion where you couldn’t be bothered to bend his ass over that day

• I’m so sorry, I really can’t see how people see him being a huge Dom, y'all are so funny haHA

• you can’t look at him and tell me he doesn’t like being fucked in his ass-

• and speaking of being fucked in the ass, I can just smell it that he likes being pegged big boy time

• literally just imagine:

• Jongho on his back, clenching the sheets in his fists, and squirming in a fit of euphoria as you jerked him off with one hand and held one leg open in the other while you obliterated his ass

• God he would make such cute noises here and there, fucked-out expression and all

• I’ll probably make a fic about this actually, this shit is too good to pass up

• I love Jongho y'all, I’m really about to sell my soul just to make sure nobody hurts him omg I’m so in love jshshxjjxjs

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chocolate-parfait · 5 years ago

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Fluff alphabet - ikevamp headcanons (Theodorus Van Gogh)

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Depends tbh

He takes you out to see an art exposition (which basically is kinda like work for him,,, but he still enjoys it nonetheless)

Spends time with you and Vincent!!! If it's sunny then you're probably going to have a picnic in the garden, enjoying the warm rays of the sun as his brother paints

SOMETIMES!!! IF YOU ASK HIM TO!!!! He'll let you come with him and Arthur to the pub

He'd rather you not come bc it's full of drunkards who just want to hit on pretty women and start a fight

But every once in a while it's nice to enjoy a drink with you and his bestfriend although he'll admit it with flushed cheeks

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He loves your determination and your courage even if they might get you in trouble sometimes

He finds it kinda hot when you stand up for him, for Vincent, for artists' rights and all of the like

He also finds you unbearably cute and he loves all your facial expressions, he finds them entertaining and he loves how easy to read you are

He's used to put on the tough guy facade when he's at work but he's extremely grateful that he can let his guard down whenever he's around you or Vincent lmao

Loves. Your. Smell.

You smell super sweet and???? It makes him go crazy???? He'd cover you up in syrup and eat you as if you were a pancake if he could

It's intoxicating tbh

Probably cuz hes a vampire lol

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Whenever you're feeling down he'll take a break from work and stay with you

Cuddle time hell yeah

Holds you as you cry/vent to him

Tones down the teasing A LOT

He tries to be as "kind" as he can although he's still a bit rough sometimes (it's not his fault, he's too used to treating people like dogs)

When you're having a panic attack, he'll be a bit taken aback at first, but then he tries to be as helpful as he can

He gives you some space but at the same time he keeps his big, reassuring hand on your back, tracing soothing circles with his palm as long as the episode lasts

He'll also be hyper aware of your surroundings, searching for anything that could make you feel even worse, and takes you to a secluded place

He's a bit awkward with words when it comes to being kind and to anything that isn't businesses-related, he's more of an action-first-talk-later type of man

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

He's so busy he doesn't stop to think about it unless someone actually asks him what his plans with you are

He wants to marry you, that's for sure, so that everyone knows you're his and he is yours

When it comes to kids he wants to wait a bit, he's super busy and honestly he' a tad bit insecure, too (who wouldn't be?)

If it happened "by accident" he'd still be happy of course, but I think he spends so much time and energies on his job that handling kids would be too much for him

So he'll wait for things to calm down a little, he wants to be there for the kids after all

If he knows you really want them though, he'll happily comply

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Dominant

He's so used to being with Vincent (which is rather passive) that he tends to be the leading one in relationships

This doesn't mean he doesn't take into account your feelings and always acts on his own though

He often knows what you're thinking about so he'll act accordingly

He LOVES it when you stand your ground though!!! It's hot 👀👀

Play hard to get and he'll get back at you with twice the teasing

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Your fights with him aren't really angry screams, throwing things at each other or anything like that

They're pretty calm (on the outside)

Usually they happen because of pent up frustration or because he was hiding something from you, taking all the burden himself

When you finally call him out for it, he'll act as if he doesn't know what you're talking about at first, then he just,,, says some theo style mean stuff and that's when you snap

Your reactions change depending on the topic but they can vary from sulking to stomping away in tears

He sighs to himself and gives you some time and space, then he comes to you and you sort it out one way or the other

So basically your fights are just because he doesn't want to burden you too much

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Of course he's grateful

He's grateful that someone as sweet and caring as you fell for him

He's grateful for all the times you worry for him, even if he thinks he doesn't really deserve it

He's grateful for your happy smiles and kind words

He's grateful you acknowledge his passion, his job and most of all you understand his goal and ideals

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Like I previously said, the fact that he usually tends to keep things for himself tend to bring you two to fight

He hides things from you because he doesn't want to worry you more than necessary and he sure as hell doesn't want to put you in danger (especially when it comes to the Academy)

He also doesn't say all the kind words of appreciation he has for you because he wants to appear tough and he's just a tsundere

On certain occasions though, when he truly feels his heart brimming with warmth and love for you, he'll just tell you how much he loves you, how beautiful you are, and every little thing that passes in his mind

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

You helped him see things from a different perspective and to take things slower

You also helped him understand that he doesn't necessarily need to put others first and that he doesn't need to suppress his needs to give space to others

On the other hand he showed you how some ideals are worth fighting for and how seXY A MAN CAN BE-

ahah jk....unless...?

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Since he's pretty possessive it's more common to see him jealous than not. Hell, he'd be even jealous about Vincent if you spent too much time with him.

He doesn't really get flustered when he has to say and show that you are his, why do you think he chooses to call you Hondje even when in public huh?

He glares at whoever tries something on you and if they don't give up, he punches them

If you're in a situation in which he can't immediately intervene he just trusts that you won't choose some random guy over him. After it though, he'd want to spend some time with you (either cuddles or something else wink wonk), to let you know that he loves you and that you are the only one love of his heart.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

If he's in the right mood for it he'd be able to make your knees weak in seconds.

His kisses are usually a bit rough and they sometimes involve some pulling and groping here and there.

You first kiss together was actually more tender than what you'd expect from someone like him. It was your first one together and he wanted you to enjoy the experience as much as possible.

Anyways his kisses make your head spin and he always makes sure to leave you wanting for more because,,,, he's a tease

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

In a tsunder-y way

You have to read between the lines tbh and at first you didn't even realize it

It just didn't register and then you're like 👁👄👁what

With flushed cheeks and a frown he just "what, you need me to repeat that, Hondje?" Then he turns a switch flip flip and the situation escalates quickly

"I'll repeat it for as many times you need to hear it. You're the only one I need."

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

He doesn't really think about it, it feels so natural for him to be with you that marriage would only change your civic status. You two are already bound for eternity wedding or not.

That doesn't mean he doesn't want to take the big step though, it's still symbolic (the only symbolic thing he actually cares about lol)

He'd totally surprise you with his proposal. It'd be a bit like Jumin's valentine date.

Important day, he's not there because of work/"I have forgotten", actually not it's just a prank, takes you by surprise bc he actually comes home earlier!!!! And he remembers too!!!, you're delightedly surprised, proposal, happy ending

The wedding is quite small, just your friends (he's not inviting anyone from work bc they'd just end up causing a scene because of nOBle PeoPle blAh BlaH tHe AcAdEmY BlaH bLah TheO YoUr DrEAm iS StuPid Blah BlAH BLAh) although Comte insists on paying for everything and putting some grand gala decorations everywhere

Despite this being your wedding this little shit just won't stop teasing you

The reception is 80% sweets (PANCAKES) and 20% actual food = everyone is dying of diabetes

Dressing code: white

Everyone is dressed in white clothes and the decorations are as candid as clouds

Don't ask me why. His wedding card told me so.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Hondje (top 1 of course)

My love (when he's feeling particularly soft)

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

He's less snappy and despite his remarks, you can see the h a p p i n e s s in this man's eyes.

It's quite obvious to everyone that he's in love because he's super overprotective all the time

Also, he doesn't directly express his feelings not because he's shy or anything, but because he believes actions count more than words.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He doesn't mind it, although he tries to avoid anything too SCANDALOUS when Vincent's around

He likes holding your hand and slipping an arm around your waist TO MARK THE TERRITORY

He tends to be more pushy with pda when someone's flirting with you, that aside he generally keeps hugs and kisses for when the two of you are alone.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

He's a natural persuader and it's pretty amazing how he can twist other people's thoughts and mold them as he pleases

He does this for a living so of course he's good at it

But! it doesn't work with you. You can see through his words and right into his soul, he's powerless when it comes to you

Something that comes in handy though is his quick wit and firmness that grant you stability in moments where you feel at a complete loss. He's the rock you can rely on.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He's a simple person and he likes simple things

He's not really cliché nor goes to great lengths to show you his love for you, he's in the middle

Sometimes though he lets his feelings flow freely without any mean comment nor anything, knowing it's just the two of you.

He knows you're pretty easy to please so even if he takes time off work and/or does a simple little gesture, it means the world to you

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Of course he believes in you!!!

If you ever need them, he'll get in contact with the thousands of connections he has

If you're in a slump he'll give you an encouraging speech and then end it with some teasing remark, loving to see you all fired up for what you love doing

Since you believe so fiercely in him, he doesn't see why he shouldn't return all that support, doubled

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Contrary to Leonardo and Arthur who love a bit more spice in their relationships, seeing how hectic his schedule is, a routine might be more comfortable for him

He enjoys spending his time with you doing calm and relaxing activities like picnics, visiting art galleries or going out for a drink

To him your cute reactions are all the spice he needs

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

More often than not you're pretty easy to read, but sometimes you DO surprise him with your recklessness though

He knows whenever you're feeling down and he'll try to cheer you up with actions more than words (you can't trust him on that front)

Since you have a completely different mindset than his, he might get surprised at the reasons why you're actually upset and if he finds it pretty trivial he'll say something along the lines of "you're upset over that? You dummy."

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

You and Vincent are the most important people of his whole life, and his job is pretty much the reason he's alive

You and Vincent are almost on the same level but he'd never give you up to him,,,, so you miiiight be a more dear to him than his big bro

Everything he does with Vincent he'd do it with you, but it doesn't really work the other way round (if you know what I mean)

Also we're comparing his big brother and his soulmate so,,, of course there are bound to be some differences

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

When he's overworking himself you just drag him off to bed where he lays his head in your lap and falls asleep as you play with his hair

You have such a calming presence that he can't help but relax and feel at ease so you often find him dozing off when the two of you are together

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

He loves patting your head

Cuddles time are usually for when he's feeling stressed, you're in a bad mood or for making up after a fight

If the two of you see each other firdt thing in the morning when no one's around he'll give you a kiss on the lips and a warm smile

okay but imagine a kiss from theo im-

Hugs from him are for special occasions

When you don't see each other for some time the first thing he'll do when he sees you is giving you a tight hug

When something dangerous happens and he sees you're safe, he hugs you

Hugs you when you're sleeping too

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

When he's missing you he tries to take his mind off of thoughts of you

He buries himself in work

He stays at the mansion as little as he can, because everything reminds him of you

At night he often goes drinking with Arthur because he can't bear the feeling of the place next to his in bed empty and cold

Let's not talk about the way your pillow emanates your scent :)

It's basically a living hell for him

The first days he does pretty well at hiding the fact that he misses you

Then he starts to get irritated and snaps at everyone

Cue Vincent helping him relax

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Who are we even kidding he'd give his life for you if it ever came to it

Just please don't make him choose between you, Vincent and/or his job

If he had to, he'd probably give up his job but you'd lose big part of him

But on the overall he'd give up anything for those three things

#sometimes i rlly portray him like a dog owner im so sorry #ok u know what i refuse to be a dog now ur the dog theo arf arf #feel like im your cat im your dog nananana i dont wanna be a friend nanananana can i be your pet? nananana #ok im done now #happy birthday theo #ikevamp theo #ikemen vampire #theodorus van gogh #my writing #fluff alphabet #ikemen vampire imagines #ikemen vampire scenarios #ikemen vampire headcanons

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #292

“dear god, let’s make this fucking clear: dear god, there’s nothing that i fear”

What internet browser do you use? Chrome. What brand water do you drink? (Smart Water, Dasani, etc) Mom just grabs the Great Value jugs. Do you have a job? No. Are you full-time or part-time? N/A Are you watching TV right now? No. Or are you listening to music? Yeah, "Mr. Crowley" by Ozzy. Such a great song. Would you go to jail for 3 years for $1,000,000? No. I would NOT survive in jail. When's your birthday? February 5th. I cannot fucking believe I'm almost 25. Thoughts on kids? Too impressionable for me. Even with my niece and nephew, I feel like every single word I say just like... stamps into their brains, and what if I say something that negatively affects them? I feel like it's my responsibility as an aunt to be a fountain of wisdom when I'm definitely not. I just get nervous around kids. Worst punishment you've ever received by your parents? I wouldn't call it a "punishment," but when I skinned the everliving fuck out of my knees and Mom was patching me up while I was just sobbing away, my dad literally roared "SHUT UP!" from my parents' bedroom, and it's stuck with me forever. Honestly, I think it may be a root in my extreme fear of men yelling. Worst punishment from Mom, probably this time where she smacked the shit outta my arm as a kid and left a clear handprint for a while. Are you the type who is completely against abortion? Why? No, I am firmly pro-choice, despite being pro-life most of my life. I don't feel like writing a moral essay, but basically, I absolutely cannot agree with forcing a woman to carry a human they don't want for whatever reason for nine fucking months, endure one of the most traumatically painful things known to man, and then properly and adequately care for that child. That is such a huge fucking responsibility that should be forced upon *nobody*. "But adoption!" Yeah, go tell that to the thousands of children waiting on you. This is leaning on exactly what I said I wouldn't do, so moving along. Have you ever read a book that actually changed your outlook on life? "I’ve read some books that were phenomenal, but I wouldn’t necessarily go so far as to say that they 'changed my outlook on life'." <<<< This was Johnny Got His Gun for me. Does your favorite flower hold any meaning to you? No. What would you do if your favorite animal became endangered? I would fucking freak. Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No, but I honestly do want at least one, primarily with a deep black and then some nice grays and neutral colors. Do you own a tripod for your camera? Yes. Are your nails always painted? Quite the opposite. What's one thing you've had a toxic reaction to? A breakup. Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? I honestly don't really decorate because I just don't have the motivation, but Halloween is the best. Were you popular in school? Nope. Are there any foods that often give you heartburn or indigestion? BANANAS, dark sodas (like Coke or Dr. Pepper), peanut butter can... It's hard for me to tell much now because I have chronic heartburn and am medicated for it. Works great, so I don't experience this much. Is there something you intend to buy in the near future? Yes. Once my tattoo is done (I'm setting the appointment the next time we leave the house, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH), what I have left is going towards Venus' new terrarium. She really needs a 40 gallon. Is anyone in your family artistically talented? What about musically? I was the art kid, and family still insist I should be an artist. What cute behaviors or characteristics does/do your pet(s) have? Omg, Roman has so many. He nuzzles me all the time, will collapse into my hand to pet him, he insists on being the little spoon at bedtime (no, really), he literally tries to groom me with his teeth, licks my face... He is just a doll. My little buddy for sure. Now onto Venus. She loves to chill next to me in bed or find a cozy place under the covers, and omgggg does she love to slither around the bed doing the periscope thing. So curious. What's the screensaver on your computer? I don't have one. What’s the sexiest thing about a guy? I am WEAK for nice shoulderblades/muscular shoulders ok. What’s the sexiest thing about a girl? I am an ass bitch and I will not hesitate to admit it ayyyyyeeeee. Who were you with at midnight on January 1, 2021? Nobody. Who was the last person to send you a message on social media? My sister Misty. She's planning to surprise Mom (her stepmom, anyway) by showing up in a few weeks with her fiance and all her kids she's never met but desperately wants to. My mom is the only "real mom" she's ever had, and she just feels so bad that she has a by now teenage daughter (among three other younger ones) that has never met her "grandmother." It's just an expensive and long trip, but Misty's finally called it enough and is just driving down here with everyone. Mom is going to fucking sob. ^ What qualities does this person have, that you appreciate? Nice timing for this, since her fiercely anti-mask bullshit is all I can focus on about her lately... but there are good things about her. She truly is a very loving, passionate woman that, just like me, feels deeply and expresses it. What was the last thing that caused you to scowl, or frown? Does grimacing count from a sudden bodily pain? Have you smiled at any point during the last hour? Yeah. I'm watching the VOD of Arin Hanson playing Kingdom Hearts 2 for charity, and he went on a total fucking laughing fit. His laugh is so precious, so I just couldn't stop grinning. What was the last thing you consulted Google for? Ensuring "grimace" was the right word for my former expression, even though I was pretty positive it was correct... I don't know if anyone's noticed, but my English skills are degrading, particularly in spelling. It's concerning me. I was an English whiz my whole life up to now. My only guess is it's related to how godawful my memory is also declining. So, did anyone send you a "Happy New Year" message when midnight hit? No. When was the last time you were on a carousel? Probably not since I was a teenager being goofy with Jason or somebody. What is the closest you have ever been to an elephant? I have a picture on my dA of a beautiful elephant walking RIGHT by its fence at the zoo. It was pretty amazing, considering just how incredibly immense their enclosure is. Have you ever played Halo? No, it's not my kinda game. Have you ever read a National Geographic magazine? Oh, I'm positive I've read sections while in waiting rooms of various places. When was the last time you had a pillow fight? I have no idea. Realistically it was probably w/ Jason since that sounds like some cute playfighting thing we'd do, but I don't remember a particular instance. Name somebody who you think deserves more respect: "Retail works. The horror stories my mom has on the daily is absolutely ridiculous. People can be so incredibly rude." <<<< I absolutely agree with this; what friends and strangers alike rant about is just depressing. Nobody, especially those working through a goddamn pandemic that's killing thousands, deserves the disrespect that comes their way. Have some goddamn decency and know half the issues you bring up to retail workers isn't even their damn fault. Ohhhh, I could rant about this. In your own words, define what the word sexy means. So you mean like, what I think is considered sexy, not just the general definition? If that's the case, uhhh. Self-confidence (but absolutely not arrogance) is very attractive to me as a bitch who lacks it entirely, as well as good manners, being outgoing, and just... charm. I don't quite know how to describe that "charm" other than I'm really drawn to people who are unique and happy with it and just seem to have an aura about them that feels good to be in. What is the most popular tourist attraction where you live? I'm going to look at this question as if you're asking about my state and not general location because 1.) there ain't shit here and 2.) I'd prefer to keep relatively where I live quiet on the Internet. Looked it up and apparently NC's biggest tourist bait is the Biltmore Estate. Never been there myself, but it'd be pretty dope. Without looking - do you know what brand your underwear is? I'm in my own home and pjs, who the fuck wears underwear with that criteria lmao. Are you any good at volleyball? NOOOOOOOOO. I went to a volleyball camp thing once when I was younger and that shit hurts the hell outta your hands. I didn't stay long. Have you ever had a water balloon fight? Why of course. Do you think some babies are ugly? Quite honestly, probably most, especially newborns. Don’t you miss Chuck E. Cheese? I do; going there was one of the most exciting possible things to me as a kiddo. Do you think Fall Out Boy is gonna be a classic band, like Queen or AC/DC? Possibly. I mean they sure are pretty successful and well-known. Do you love stuff-crusted pizza? Eh, it's not my preference, but I'll eat it. Do you apply lotion after you bathe? No, but I really should, given how dry my skin is. What’s your favorite color? Pastel pink. Who did you have your most amazing kiss with? I'd like to not think about this. Has a YouTube video of yours ever gotten over 10,000 views? Lol definitely not. I think at least one on my older channel hit 1k somehow???? It was a birthday gift I made for someone. Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? lol I already have one there. At some point I'm getting it covered, though. Do you like Robert Frost poems? I do! Do you go to church every Sunday? I never do. Have you ever been in a relationship on-and-off for more than a year? No, I don't play that game. You want me or you don't, so I'm not wasting my time on your uncertainty or just our lack of stability for whatever reason. If you had to get famous for one of the following, which would you choose: music, acting, writing, modeling? Absolutely writing. What do you think of girls with huge boobs that don’t wear bras in public? ?????????????????? i don't?????????????? care???????????????? they're not my tits??????????????? What is the last thing you tried on in a store? I don't know. I avoid trying shit on like the plague. And then it ends up being too big/small. I wonder why. Is sleeping naked more comfortable than in clothes? I've only ever fallen asleep naked once, and accidentally at that, so I really don't remember how I felt about it? Consciously though, I would feel very, very vulnerable so don't have plans to when I have my own place. Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out, or more, with someone? HAHAHA Y'AAAAAALLLLLLL THIS WAS DEADASS THE ONLY LUCID DREAM I'VE EVER HAD LMAOOOOO Do you feel as though you have a good memory, or are you forgetful at times? Do you feel that your short-term memory or long-term memory is better? My short-term memory is absolutely atrocious, like to the point it seriously affects my ability to get shit done. You can give me something that needs to be done and I will forget in a heartbeat. Now, my long-term memory is astonishing. I can remember many things from my childhood in incredible detail. Have you ever had a concussion or some other sort of brain injury before? Did you need to have surgery for it? I've had a concussion or two. I can't remember which. I didn't need surgery. Do you have any sort of mental illnesses or disorders? What do they involve? Yeah: chronic depression, crippling social anxiety, generalized anxiety, avoidant personality disorder (AvPD), obsessive compulsive disorder, PTSD, bipolar II, and I think that's it. My head's a mess and a half. What’s the longest that your hair has ever been? How about the shortest? When is the last time that you got it cut? About to the small of my back; how it is now, which is pretty much shaved on the left and fades to near my chin on the right. I actually got it cut last month; we've gone to a family friend for years whose shop is just an extra building by her house and very rarely has more than two clients in it. We had masks on, of course. At what age did you start getting gray hairs, if you happen to have any? I don't have any. Somehow, given my stress level at all times, haha. What are some ways that you style your hair? Do you use any sorts of products in it? It's too short to style. I don't use any products in it but obviously shampoo. Who was the last person to truly get on your nerves? What do you think caused you to feel that way? Probably my mom. I think she was in a rotten mood for one reason or another and just being snappy and generally rude. Do you recycle? Is this through choice or do you live somewhere where it’s compulsory? We do; it's by choice, and it'd be immensely ignorant not to where we live considering it literally gets picked up with the other garbage. Do you prefer plain, carbonated, or flavored water? Do you think you drink enough water throughout the day? I've never tried carbonated water, and flavored water rarely works for me due to artificial sweeteners giving me beastly headaches. So I'll just take really cold, filtered water. Have you ever needed to call the police, ambulance, or fire department? I had to call the ambulance for my mom right before her cancer was discovered because she was literally immobile and in ungodly pain. When was the last time you visited the library? What was the purpose of your visit? At my old college, as the newspaper photographer, I took some artsy pics up there. I will probably forever worry that leaving school resulted in the biggest career opportunity slipping through my fingers through that newspaper. Do you see a lot of wild animals where you live? Are any of them dangerous? I guess about the normal amount you'd see in the country. Some dangerous animals live here, sure, that's probably everywhere, but you very rarely see any. Aside from when you were born, have you ever had to stay the night in the hospital? For suicidal thoughts and one attempt, yes. Have you ever experienced a panic attack? Ahhhh, do I know those well. Thankfully, it's been a long time since I had an all-out panic attack. Would you ever want to go into the medical profession? Was your answer different pre-COVID? Nope. Well, besides being a vet, which I haven't wanted to be since I was a kid. Where you live, are people paying attention to whatever restrictions are in place to help control COVID? Many? No. Because it's apparently a fuckin hoax or not as bad as the government wants us to think. Fucking cretins. Do you get a real or artificial Christmas tree? Artificial. Real ones aren't worth the money nor mess. What’s your favourite type/flavor of popcorn? Caramel corn. Do you drink oat milk? No, but I'm interested in at least trying it. The dairy industry is absolutely repulsive if you look into it, and I'd love to do what I can to take as little part in it as possible... even though I am a dairy fiend. I seriously wish I could go vegan, I am just WAY too picky for it. Do you love thrifting? Oh fuck yes. I've been very few times in my life, but I'mm all about it. Do you consider using only lowercase letters your aesthetic? I do find it visually appealing; I like the flow of similar letter height. I never do it for "serious" things, but on places where it's "for the aesthetic," it's likely that's how I'll write something. Do you say “mood?” Way too much lmao. Do you own fairy lights? No, though I would like them if it wouldn't look stupid in my room. Do you own glass straws because the metal ones kind of gross you out because you can’t tell if they are clean or not? ... I didn't know glass straws were a thing. I have a handful of metal ones though, but I always forget I have one in my purse when I go out... Have you made a TikTok? No. Do you own airpods? No. Are you afraid of Mercury in retrograde? I don't believe in a planet's position or whatever having any effect on people. Do you make life choices based on astrology? Definitely not, considering I don't believe in it to begin with. How many pairs of converse shoes do you own? Maybe like, five? Number of jeans in your closet: Zero. What accent do you have? Not really any, but sometimes I sound kinda southern with specific words. Do you have a big butt? Yo I got a Hank Hill ass, so no. Do you count how long you and your gf/bf have been together? In my past relationships, yes, I assigned our anniversary to memory. I don't really... know why, like it doesn't really matter how long you've been together, I just do. Have you graduated? From HS, yes. I dropped out of college three times lmao. Rihanna or Lady GaGa? Ohhh, not sure. Maybe GaGa, but both ladies have songs I love. "Disturbia" doess beat all of her songs, tho. The fuckin BEAT. Do you use fake eyelashes? Never tried 'em. Which was the last book that really captivated you? The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. What makeup brands do you use? I'm not loyal to any, really. I would be if I could afford expensive shit, but yeah, that ain't my life.

#survey #surveys #questions #questionnaire #lyrics: ''battle cry'' by blood on the dance floor

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flowery-skz · 4 years ago

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Top 20 Songs of 2020

Okay y’all, here’s my top kpop songs of 2020 list for this year (finally, good lord this year felt like an eternity). These are the 20 songs that I felt really made an impact on me this year and why 💕

Starting from last to first, here we go!

20. Dr. Bebe, Pentagon - this song deserved so much better tbh the music video was everything, their acting was excellent and the vocals were *chefs kiss* i also loved the dark, creepy vixx -reminiscent vibes

19. Back Door, Stray Kids - Ok like objectively i know that God’s Menu was like their piece de resistance this year, but Back Door was just so fun and had a great bass line and the choreo was SO good

18. Cry For Me, Twice - this literally JUST came out like two seconds ago but let me tell you cry for me has legit been stuck in my head from the SECOND i heard it just ask my sister she’s this close to killing me next time i sing the chorus

17. Red Sun, Dreamcatcher - Let’s be real, dreamcatcher’s entire studio album was perfect from start to finish, and red sun was a standout among that perfection for me like from the magical mystical instrumental to dami’s absolutely earth-shattering rap line, just absolute gold my dude

16. Kick It, NCT 127 - This was a very polarizing song for a lot of people i feel, but for me the concept was literally executed to perfection. It had so much potential to be cheesy and gimmicky, but it totally wasn’t and i think it’s because nct 127 committed SO wholeheartedly to the concept

15. So Bad, StayC - THIS song. I actually already had my list all written out when i discovered so bad by stayc and i literally had to reconsider my ENTIRE existence. They are so so good with such a talented production team backing them and they’ve literally just debuted.

14. Dun Dun, Everglow - A lot of people really hated this song, and don’t get me wrong i had my own issues with the line and screen time distribution for sure, but you can’t deny it’s a total banger

13. Nonstop, Oh My Girl - This is the kind of song that i never really expected to fall in love with. It’s bubbly and cute and quite like youthful, but oh my girl honestly pull that concept off so well and they had me immediately hypnotized

12. Be In Love, Itzy - 2020 was the year of bailey eating her own words aka the year of me falling in love with itzy. when itzy debuted i seriously thought if they stuck with their concept i probably wouldn’t ever be into their music but lmao. they showed me. anyway this b side is seriously underrated and it really shows the girls vocal talents off, especially lia and yuna

11. Love Killa, Monsta X - hyungwon. that’s it that’s the post . . . jk but for real, visuals popped off. love killa was exactly what i’ve been wanting from mx for the past year or so. they hit the nail right on the head with the this one.

10. Secret Story of the Swan, izone - my relationship with izone is basically like my relationship with itzy part 2. I always appreciated them for their talents and having a very recognizeable sound but i could never get into their music. then SSOTS happened, and to be honest it STILL gets stuck in my head at random times

9. Phobia, Stray Kids - i LOVE this b side. for a while i thought it might replace Voices as my favourite skz track, but it just didn’t have the longevity that voices does. that said, it’s still such a good song with an important message did i mention that i love stray kids

8. La Di Da, Everglow - i have said it before and i’ll say it again: no one is doing it like everglow. this song came so out of the blue and blindsided so many people with how unexpectedly different it was, all while being a certified banger. the line distribution is aMAZING, you get to hear each member’s unique flavor, the straight 80’s vibe is immaculate, the styling is God-tier, just . . . everything. i LOVE this comeback

7. Eternally, TXT - if you know me, you know i love a good beat switch-up (i mean, my ult group is stray kids for crying out loud) and ladies. this song is the switch up to end all switch ups. txt somehow managed to combine two completely different tracks, each of which would have been A+ songs all on their own, and somehow make something a million times better. listening to eternally is a whole experience in and of itself and i haven’t heard anything that could compare to it to this day

6. Girls, Nature - UGH. WHAT an underappreciated masterpiece. girls by nature does everything that other companies are so afraid to do with their girl groups: a strictly dark, horror concept, a haunting melodic line with no need for a rap breakdown because it stands on its own as is, a visual concept that does not sexualize the girls in any way but instead tells a story of a person at the mercy of the one they love. it’s e v e r y t h i n g. Not to mention the song has one of the best pre choruses i’ve EVER heard.

5. Wannabe, Itzy - Let’s be honest, you knew this was going to be here. Everyone and their grandma was learning ryujins shoulder move. this was literally the summer of itzy’s wannabe. This is actually the comeback that got me onboard the itzy train and now i’m barreling down the mountain going 200mph and can’t find the breaks

4. I Can’t Stop Me, Twice - I think onces really had no idea where this comeback was gonna go. after more and more got such mixed responses from fans, we all weren’t really sure what direction the company was going to take twice in next. personally, i’m SO happy they went for the retro synth 80’s vibe concept. it was current enough to fish in non fans and keep new onces engaged but they also added their own unique twice spice to it, and i’ve been playing it on repeat for weeks also stan risky risky wiggy wiggi

3. Oh My God, G Idle - Ahhhh, yes. another polarizing song from gidle. omg for me was exactly what i needed from gidle. They’d been playing around with the darker concepts but had never fully committed to the potential that i saw in their music, but with omg we finally got the see them go full out with it, and i don’t think ANYONE could have done it better. The drop while empty was somehow so satisfying, the visials in the mv were visceral and witchy and to think that soyeon wrote and produced such a masterpiece. all i can say is bravo

2. Daisy, Pentagon - if this song doesn’t hold a very special place in your universe heart then buddy i think it’s time to throw the whole heart away. daisy, on top of being the first song to earn pentagon a well deserved music show win, was so emotionally moving from the lyrics to the mv to the choreo. you don’t need to know korean to feel exactly what the writer is feeling when hui sings that chorus, and that my friend is true artistry.

1. Answer, Ateez - Bet you were expecting a stray kids song. answer though has had my whole entire heart body and soul from the second it came out all the way back in january. for it to last a whole year as my favourite song of 2020 really speaks volumes as to how incredibly talented ateez and their production team are. Over the course of this absolute shit year, this song really inspired me to push forward, to keep working toward my goals and to keep believing in myself, and i think that’s a pretty amazing feat for one single song.

Anyway y’all sorry for the unnecessarily long post. I’ve just been compiling this list for months and was really excited to share. If any of my followers or just anyone who reads through this wants to share their own list, id love to see what songs impacted you this year! Happy New Years’ yall!

#bailey yodels #bailey yodels for an unnecessarily long time #kpop #top 20 #2020

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sumeshi-t · 4 years ago

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✨ self-ship tag game ✨

PART 2 | IwaLee (here you go, discord)

sorry if it's corny/cheesy LMAO my brain empty i can't think of anything to make for iwa's birthday i'm such a dumbass. was also supposed to draw an nsfw-ish thing for this but ya girl is feelin’ out of it lately sjhfalhj

How we met:

okay let’s just say i’m smart enough to land myself a scholarship in socal since i’m taking physical therapy anyway

i feel like... we would meet in the library LMAO what asian nerds

maybe i’d end up bothering him with the way i’m murmuring anatomy stuff and talking to myself when studying

so he overhears me struggling to remember that one word and he’s gonna fucking answer for me like okay sorry bud i’m stupid

jk i won’t react like that i’d just be like, “yes!” and turn to look at whoever it was who answered and say thank you because i’m so immersed in my own bubble of “knowledge” and big brain

when i notice that he’s actually cute i’d be fucking red in the ears out of embarrassment when he tells me to tone my voice down lmao so i apologize for being a bother :(

actually says, “don’t mind” damnit his english do be cute. just two asian kids far from home with accents

it’s awkward, but i’d steal glances at what he’s studying. would probably get caught after a looong while, but it’s bc i’ll be blanking off, brain tired

“do you have anything you want to ask?” he’ll be dropping his pen over his notes leaning back and stretching, bending his neck, rolling his shoulders while waiting for my answer

“omg i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to stare.” then i ask what his program is just bc he could be in one of my classes and i didnt know

anyway, turns out our schedules were pretty similar, we live in the same area/dorm, so like there’s always a chance for us to meet somehow

we wouldn’t give numbers to eo on that same day; like give it about two weeks of constantly bumping into eo before that happens

watch me share my highlighters with him, exchanging notes, passing some snacks beneath the table like its weed or sumn

from lib meetings to getting lunch together to being invited to watch his games (in freshman year i’d still go because i’d be less busier)

i would definitely use the honorifics on him, from “iwaizumi-san” gradually to “iwa-kun”; he won't admit that he likes it because it's a little piece of home

would convince to practice palpation with him because his body is a perfect example–

"wh-why don't you ask someone from your class?"

"i'm not that close with—are you blushing? omg you are!"

somehow i joke around, "i won't touch your dick," then i'd laugh at his reaction.

anyway, in return for using his body as a model, i have to sit through a godzilla marathon with him

the first time he sees me breakdown from the stress he's kinda flustered at first; but he's seen similar things with oikawa so he has a faint idea what to do. damn his hugs feel so warm, so safe

i'm quicker to open up to him, once i got comfortable; and reassurance that if he needed someone to talk to i'll also be there

basically a slow burn best friends to lovers kinda thing

ngl i'd be crushing on him by the time we're entering second year maybe? but because we're friends i always throw the thought away because i don't wanna ruin what we have

but da heart wants what it wants

it would take: the teasing of his buddies back at japan after seeing him post ig pics of us together (it was me who did it, i grabbed his phone); and, my own set of friends getting annoyed at me for always being in denial—all these just for us to finally come into terms with what we feel for eo

"i have something to tell you," we'll say to eo before we enter the lib ksksksk

"oh, you go first-" "no, you-"

it's awkward but i'll be the first to confess and he's 👁👁

"you... what?" "smh don't make me say it again, iwa. does this mean we're not friends anymore?"

"yeah"

"oh..."

"because i like you too. you... wanna go out with me?"

First date x type of dates:

study dates are automatically a thing for sure; we've upgraded from lib to cafe dates

since we're like, friends before this, potential stuff for first dates are already crossed out since we've kinda done them already???

so this issue was raised and his mind said, "then let's redo everything,"

the first thing we did outside campus was go on a foodtrip. because i was craving filo food, and he was craving jap food. and then i have this kinda habit that when i get to eat something delicious, i silently squeal or hum in my seat he finds that cute

the "first date" doesn't really have to be grand because we're like... close friends with feelings. so we don't have to try hard to please each other. everything just feels natural when we're together

anyway, we try out the food we didn't have before. he still prefers sinigang over adobo. he's still kinda amazed where i put all the food after eating a bowl of ramen that's good for two

he's gonna take a pic of me in that excited face i make when the food is placed before me and make it his wallpaper (homescreen) secretly

after that, we're just walking, me telling him about something i watched or nerd talk, then he slips his hand against mine, holding it and pulling me closer that it makes me shut up–so he laughs

"that's all it takes to get you quiet, babe?"

"w-what? also... did you just call me babe? because i didn't think i'd like it,"

"i know something you'll like," he stops walking, then, with his free hand he cups my face and pulls in for a kith kith 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

i am blushing when i tell him, "that your first kiss?"

"y-yeah, why?"

"same"

we were already walking and he swoops in for a quick peck again, "then that's the second,"

he says that with a little frown on his face, cheeks also flushed and ugh soft!lee—i lean my head against his arm because i'm too short to put it above his shoulder. but anyway i tell him, "didn't think you had it in you to be this soft for me,"

"sh-shut up"

it doesn't seem romantic because ✨it doesn't have to be when we're already happy✨

While we’re dating:

he saves all the selfies i send him; whether it's the meme-ish ones or just me feelin' good about myself he's got them saved

notebooks getting interchanged kskskss it's terrible because one minute i'm reading my notes about pharma, then i flip a page and i see stuff about sports science like–???

tho what makes it cute is that he has tiny scribbles on corners in hiragana or maybe kanji and some random zigzag lines over some words–a sign that he fell asleep with a pen in his hand

i have lots of caps (that are majority of my dad's but i like them all so i brought sum) and he just... gets one from behind my door (it's the same energy as the hoodies thing)

and i 🥺 bc he actually looks good in caps like??? sir that's illegal

ok but walks in the beach at sunset

also surfer!iwa???? mhhhh yes yes living the dream honestly

ofc volleyball is involved, he's kinda pleased i can play decently. it's either the gym or vb

he would force me to go to the gym smh "you're a PT aren't you? shouldn't you be moving around too?" i'm gonna grumble but the sight of his er, toned body before during and after exercising is the best reward

actually its a win-win, he likes how my butt is outlined by my jog pants and how for him, i still look good even if i'm sweaty all over

hehe we'd end up getting horny by the time we reach the dorms–you know the rest and afterwards:

"so, you'll go to the gym more often now?"

"if it ends up like this, i wouldn't mind,"

we teach eo our mother language! but only on our spare time. omg imagine him telling me "mahal na mahal kita"??? i'm??? or when he's chatting with oikawa (especially that one time he sent a selfie of him and ushijima) he uses tagalog swear words if he just wants to mess with his best friend

vidcalls with each other's fam—i mean, for my parents they know we've been always close, and like, it will be my grandma/dad who'd ask him, "when will you court my granddaughter/daughter?"

he got so nervous, he stuttered, "i'm... i'm courting her already,"

anyway they approve of him because he is smart^TM and a good man 🥺 because they know he has ambitions in life the same way that i do have my own goals i wanna achieve

meanwhile me, i'm gonna be so nervous trying to speak to his fam, but they're all so sweet so i tell him afterwards, "so that's where you get the softies,"

anyway since this is college we're talking about, every passing year, we both become busy, especially when internships come around

but when he can, he'll fetch me from the hospital with comfort food because he knows it's been a rough day and he wants to make sure i'm taking care of myself 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 lowkey i try to do the same for him because he deserves it; but he says it's okay and that i should be preserving my energy for my studies 😭

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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Jac & Jesse

Jac: [Okay, so it's year 2, so she would be just 18 and Jesse would be just 17, it's their last year of school and exams are looming etc etc, all the behaviour has become business as usual so everyone would've just stopped freaking out as hard because you'd wear yourself out otherwise it isn't sustainable, I'm vibing that this is around Christmas time, just because I'm cruel and then we can use the worried Xmas picture LMAO] Jesse: [I like that because then it's not that far into school year 2 aka close to uni looming but it has been ages since her and Amelia started their whole fwb bs so a mood] Jac: [I think it makes sense because it's like, a year since everything started really so it's as raw in a weird way 'cos it's like a shit anniversary lol] Jesse: [agreed, soz boy that I haven't fleshed you out enough to know what's been going in your life for this year besides fame] Jac: [you can be vague, at least, because this convo will not be about you, fill in the blanks later, not all of us are wilding all the time] Jesse: [and not all of us are oversharers like Savannah lol he'd be keeping shit to himself even if it was all kicking off] Jac: [true tea, anyway, I will start this] Jac: Hey, where are you? Jesse: [somewhere he likes to go to write and generally have privacy] Jac: Oh, okay Jac: never mind, it's cool Jesse: ? Jac: I just was gonna ask Jac: well, I don't know what I was gonna ask actually so yeah, ignore this Jesse: What's wrong? Jac: I looked and I couldn't find it Jac: but it was kind of a hole so maybe I just missed it Jac: but I was sick loads and loads I had to get off the bus so I know that's gone Jesse: hang on, what? Jac: You know Jac: I'm not a total mess Jac: I always make sure, after Jac: even if I'm super gone, I've never forgot Jesse: alright Jesse: stop talking in riddles for a sec, I dunno what you're going on about Jac: I went to this party, a week ago Jac: no Jac: more like two, fuck, three? Jac: I don't know, but anyway Jac: I remember looking for a condom in the bin on the floor in the sheets whatever Jac: and I remember because I didn't find one so it got through the haze Jac: and then when I was coming home I was sick and I'd literally just dry-swallowed my pill 'cos I keep them in my bag or my bra or whatever I've got on me Jesse: Fuck Jesse: alright, we can sort this Jac: Where do I go? is it the GP or do I have to go to one of those clinics? Jesse: I'm having a look Jesse: where are you now? Jac: I don't want to go to the doctors Jac: can they tell mum and dad Jac: it's meant to be patient confidentiality but literally everyone found out when Millie H got crabs Jesse: you don't have to do nowt you don't want Jesse: I'll figure something out Jac: I don't have no one else to ask Jac: sorry Jesse: shut up Jesse: you don't need to ask anyone else, I'll sort it Jac: I don't know why I didn't get the morning after Jac: well I do but it's so fucking stupid to say it now Jesse: you never said where you were Jac: just got out of work Jesse: I'll be there as soon as Jesse: get a ☕ Jac: I feel like all of my insides are gonna come out Jac: this is bad Jac: what the fuck am I gonna do, Jess Jesse: don't start, you'll do your own head in before owt's even happened Jac: how the fuck does this even happen Jac: it's ridiculous Jesse: [sends her whatever he's been working on like distract yourself with telling me how crap this is etc] Jac: What are you doing Jesse: what kind of question is that? Jesse: just sent you it Jac: why Jac: I don't have the time or desire to listen to that right now Jesse: are you waiting for me or what? Jac: I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know if you got the general vibe of my messages Jesse: sit down for a bit Jac: fine Jesse: It'll be alright Jesse: I know where we're going Jac: that's the first step in this marathon shitshow, I suppose Jesse: 👍 Jac: your downplay isn't really helping, just so you know Jesse: we can't both lose it, dickhead Jac: if there's a time for it, it's now Jesse: might be in a bit, not now Jac: so you're waiting for your moment, okay Jesse: that alright with you? Jac: not really Jac: but whatever, it's the least of my problems now Jesse: you're 18, they can't say nowt to ma and da that's one less Jac: oh, true Jac: thank god I waited 'til after September to ruin my life then Jac: as long as the receptionists don't catch wind Jesse: they won't give it me, as a lad case I were forcing it down some lass's throat against her will Jac: what do you mean Jesse: if I could just leg it in there for you I would Jac: obviously you can't Jac: we don't know if it's even happened Jac: or what I'm gonna do if it has Jesse: yeah Jac: you're thinking of morning after Jac: but they don't give that to blokes now either Jesse: about as much I know about this, that Jac: have much experience then Jesse: not really Jac: you'd know if you had Jac: probably wait 'til you've earnt more money to rinse you of it Jesse: sounds about right Jac: not worth the negatives at this stage Jesse: tah Jac: not me doing you a favour by not getting pregnant Jesse: obviously Jac: 🙄 Jesse: 🙄 Jac: shut up Jac: you're so annoying Jesse: 🤐 Jac: ugh Jac: you say nothing yet you still say the wrong thing Jac: it'd be a skill if it wasn't clearly the opposite Jesse: what's the right thing? Jac: If I knew that there'd be no need for you or the conversation Jesse: come on Jac: what? Jesse: you reckon I'm getting it wrong, you must have some clue what ain't Jac: I don't Jac: you're just Jac: I don't know Jesse: say it Jesse: might make you feel less shit Jac: ha Jac: wouldn't that be nice Jac: miraculous, even Jesse: 🎄🎅 Jac: I wasn't looking to be the next Mary, tah Jesse: that were Jude's role in the nativity, not yours Jac: her years seriously lacking in talent Jesse: Dunno how top we can say ours is for having me stick a tea towel on my head Jac: it's not a musical Jac: the shit film was made Jesse: could've been if they'd let me have any lines instead of that 🐑 to chuck about Jac: as damning as this glimpse into your psyche is Jac: you really think you chatting about 4 year olds singing silent night is the thing I need right now Jesse: alright, kids ain't the ideal subject Jesse: I get it Jac: no shit Jac: you all do my head in with this shit Jac: honestly, peaking at vaguely racial costuming is the saddest thing I've ever heard Jac: and my life is currently in the toilet Jesse: piss off have I peaked at owt Jesse: ain't even properly packed for my gig yet, like Jac: it's you who's bitter at being snubbed for joseph Jac: no need to read between the lines, dickhead Jesse: never said that Jesse: he was well fit and had 🥇 line delivery Jac: don't be disgusting Jac: I don't know why you even remember these things, any of you Jesse: leave it out Jac: you Jesse: it's bollocks that you're saying you don't Jac: I don't Jac: and I don't care either Jac: and if I have to spend one more minute around you chuntering on about this shit that doesn't matter and never did Jac: I'm actually going to scream Jesse: go for it Jesse: I'm here now, you can properly aim it at me Jac: [just staring him down to make a point of looking at him like #unphased 'you got an appointment?'] Jesse: [we just nodding like yep let's go but not moving because we're rushing no bitch especially not for something like this] Jac: [obviously walking in whatever direction we need to] Jesse: [love a silence that should be awkward but is actually comfortable] Jac: [for you anyway but us losing our mind be happening regardless so yeah] Jesse: [we know he is too but shh because now is not the time for you to be scared sir] Jac: [get this appointment done so you can go away and think about what you're doing] Jesse: [hit her with the feelsy JJ lean while you're waiting so she knows you care though thank you] Jac: [just getting out of there like 'I wanna go to work but I've only just left and they're shut' no place to go casually] Jesse: [he should take her somewhere feelsy even if it is because it's not, if that makes sense, like for it's normality] Jesse: [I'd suggest his work but that's unlikely to be shut unless they had that appointment at a really weird hour lol] Jesse: [somewhere she'd actually appreciate being rn is the point anyway] Jac: [we'll just go anywhere rn 'cos truly nowhere else to go] Jesse: [even if he's just driving/walking you around aimlessly, we're giving you time to think gal] Jac: [we're just scrolling furiously through our phone right now to the socials/texts from said night] Jesse: [meanwhile he's ignoring his because we blatantly have shit that we're supposed to be doing that we're obviously not] Jac: [thrusting the phone in his face casually with a picture of this dude like it means anything 'do I call him now?'] Jesse: [a look like do you want to because we don't know this dude and even if we did it's up to her if she wants to have that convo with him or not] Jac: [when you do that pause like well, elaborate please] Jesse: ['it don't need to be now' cos it really doesn't like you literally just found out and are probably in shock] Jac: [nods like okay 'so what am I doing now?' we literally just wanna be told what to do] Jesse: [we're taking her to get sugary tea and some food even if she doesn't eat or drink it, leading her there like she is a bub] Jac: [probably automatically eating and drinking without complaint we are that out of it] Jesse: [it's okay he's got enough wits about him to go somewhere where they won't run into millions of people they know because not rn thank you] Jac: [just a ball of energy because we need to do something but what can you right now] Jesse: [such a bobbing lil leg under that table, both of y'all] Jac: ['this is not-' shakes head] Jesse: [just looking at her like what because not the time either to put words in her mouth] Jac: ['this was not in my plan'] Jesse: ['do you wanna stick to the one you had or have a different crack at it?'] Jac: ['if it were that easy-' face like it'd be done and we wouldn't be sat here] Jesse: [nods and drinks that tea] Jac: ['this changes it regardless' letting that sit there and sink in] Jesse: [let it hit him how big of a deal this actually is because up until now we haven't let ourselves think about it/have been focused on the minute by minute actions of all this] Jac: ['no matter what I do'] Jesse: ['I'll be about no matter what' like love you babe always gonna be here for you 'dead comforting that, yeah?'] Jac: [scoffs 'yeah, condemning everyone to the same life sentence of an unwanted child about or the gnawing guilt of murdering it is exactly what I wanted'] Jesse: ['murder's a bit strong'] Jac: [shrugs 'not really'] Jesse: [shrugs back like if that's what you reckon] Jac: ['I know what you reckon I should do, alright'] Jesse: [a look like yeah obviously because I think you should do what's right for you] Jac: ['well it isn't that fucking simple, Jesse, so just' the hand mime that's like closing your fingers like sh] Jesse: [mimes the 🤐] Jac: ['you might not say much but you're loud with it, I know you, remember'] Jesse: [a look back like and I know you too] Jac: ['he already has some'] Jesse: [😒 because how old is this man tbh and who is he we don't stan] Jac: ['not like I knew at the time, but I've checked him out since, obviously'] Jesse: [gestures like gimme your phone so I can look] Jac: [does, he can easily be in his 20s and my vibe is a kid when he was like 17/18 and then one a few years later] Jesse: [just stalking this dude and drinking our tea, looks fun and casual but isn't] Jac: ['he has a right to know, right?' like genuinely ?] Jesse: ['Probably, but I ain't gonna force you to tell him if you don't want to'] Jac: ['you aren't going to force me to do anything, or anyone else; but morally...' shrugs 'it'd be better not to know, in loads of ways'] Jesse: ['Did he say owt to you after?' because there is that condom uncertainty so like did he wanna follow up is our question or was he not bothered] Jac: ['no, I don't know him' like duh 'I had to ask Darla his name'] Jesse: [a look like there you go then, don't worry too much about him rn because clearly he ain't worried about if he got your pregnant or not] Jac: [🙄 'obviously it's not a concern until it happens, that's kind of the point'] Jesse: [🙄 back because it is a concern before it happens for loads of people but whatever] Jac: ['is this helpful? he didn't wear a condom, that doesn't mean he doesn't wanna be or deserve to be contacted, by that rhetoric the only people who would would be the ones you didn't need to'] Jesse: ['never said it did, and I never said don't bother contacting him'] Jac: ['just because you don't vocalize it, doesn't get you out of any responsibility for implying it with what you don't, for fuck's sake, when are you gonna grow a backbone?'] Jesse: 'what I vocalised were it don't have to happen right the fuck now and it don't, take a sec for fuck's sake'] Jac: ['no because we're on a fucking timeline here, we don't have a sec!' raising our voice assumedly higher than the hushed tones we've been keeping] Jesse: [putting a hand on her arm like calm down but not a patronising calm down just like the equivalent of the JJ soft hey but not in words] Jac: ['no' and pushing his hand away but in a more calm manner not aggressively so 'the longer you delay this the worse it gets, it has to be dealt with now'] Jesse: [eye contact because we will not be fobbed off hen 'I get that but you only found out about an hour ago, like'] Jac: ['I fail to see the point in meditating on it, like' looking back obvs 'and anyway, the fact remains I still DON'T know what I'm going to do so you've got what you want there anyway'] Jesse: [a look like don't be a dickhead 'you don't reckon you might be in a bit of shock or whatever, nah?' but it's not a question cos we know you are and then a look like you can piss right off if you think this is what I want] Jac: ['and what? if I sleep on it this will be any less of a life-changing, earth-shattering shock?' shakes head like don't be stupid] Jesse: [a sigh because we don't know what to do or what to say] Jac: ['it's very sweet of you to want to fix this-' our tone suggests we think otherwise lol '-but that ain't why I called you'] Jesse: [a look like yeah no shit because we know she didn't have anyone else to call] Jac: ['I literally just need you to help me make the decision and then be there, not make me fucking okay with it, that isn't what this is'] Jesse: ['alright' genuinely we do mean it] Jac: ['thank you' big sigh] Jesse: [getting more tea for you both, it won't fix it but it is our love language] Jac: [just be having a google about all the possible things you could ever need to know for every available option] Jesse: [you too boy while you're waiting for that tea because why not] Jac: [casually terrifying ourselves lol but necessary evil 'cos yeah, can't not do this shit 'I hope you feel fucking lucky not to have a uterus'] Jesse: [nodding because we do after all this googling if we didn't before] Jac: [ah the biological unfairness of being born a girl lol] Jesse: [I hate it and all I've had to deal with are periods so] Jac: [literally being a straight girl/girl who has sex with men is lowkey mental torture like constant worry and if it does happen any outcome is bad like] Jesse: [agreed and y'all are gonna have to go home eventually and that upsets me to think about] Jac: [let us say that's hit you rn bitch 'what are we gonna...am I gonna say? I don't-' we mean speak 'cos literally tis the season lol] Jesse: [when that hits you then because again there's no right answer to this 'if you owt to be said, I can'] Jesse: [*want] Jac: ['I don't want it but-' a massive pause whilst we try to get our voice back to how it usually sounds and not straining 'cos you're about to cry 'cos we don't want that, then when you speak again it's barely audible '- how many more secrets am I expected to carry'] Jesse: [scoots his chair as close to her as he physically can because it's time for another feelsy lean that means 1. I love you 2. you can tell me anything 3. most importantly you can tell this whole fam literally anything even Jude who is a lot] Jac: [shakes head like clearly not but we don't move away] Jesse: [letting this moment happen because it's been so long for you both] Jac: [literally a year in all the senses lol] Jesse: [soz that we've done this to you lads] Jac: ['I don't think I can do any of this'] Jesse: ['you ain't got a choice, not to sit back and do nowt, I mean'] Jac: ['I know'] Jesse: [pushes her tea towards her like drink up because again it's our love language and they can't stay forever] Jac: [at least there's an excuse to go to the bathroom and filmically have a moment] Jesse: [and at least when they get home she's in the basement so he can be doing music shit lowkey all night without it being blatant that he's checking on her] Jac: [we can skipperoo to that] Jesse: [agreed] Jac: [say that she was out of work 5 ish, say that took an hour at the least two at the most, they get home 7 ish, this is like late/early AM] Jac: Are you awake? Jesse: 👍 Jesse: [strums a note on the guitar or presses one on the keyboard like hello] Jac: I thought you were meant to be talented Jesse: where'd you hear that? Jesse: sounds like a load of bollocks Jac: Probably Jac: isn't everything on the 'gram Jesse: ✔ Jac: you'll have to come with me Jesse: Alright Jac: I just need to decide how to do it Jac: obviously I can't have it Jesse: did you work out how many weeks ago it were? Jac: three Jesse: I can give 'em a ring in a few hours, see how long you'll have to wait to get an appointment Jac: it can be up to 2 weeks Jac: that's what it says Jesse: I'll take the first one they offer us Jac: maybe that's to get it done Jac: it's all confusing Jac: and you can get the pills online and they won't prosecute you now but I still don't know how safe or fast that'll be either Jesse: soon as I can speak to someone, I'll ask whatever we ain't worked out Jac: pills have to be faster, even if they have to order them in, that's only a day or two Jac: two weeks is too long Jac: but the operation might be less scary Jac: I don't know Jesse: [sends her whatever he can find about people's actual experiences even though it's probably terrifying because the only way to really decide] Jac: I don't want to do this Jesse: I know Jac: this is why everyone does it Jac: has the kids Jac: I can't do this Jesse: can you do that though? Jac: I can't do any of this Jesse: not to be a dickhead, but you have to Jac: I know that Jesse: [playing some kind of song from their childhood whether that's a JJ or grandma Ali mood like this will comfort us while we ponder] Jesse: I dunno about waiting times for it but if you want it over and done sooner, the operation takes less time Jesse: couple of hours and you'll be back home Jac: yeah Jac: the pills can take days Jac: and you have to make sure it all comes away what if it doesn't Jac: how would I know what's too much blood Jesse: you'd have to call 'em or I would Jac: I wish they'd knock you out for the operation Jac: that's all Jesse: yeah, I get that Jac: it's punishment anyway Jac: there's no lesser it's just picking one and sticking to it Jesse: are you gonna tell anyone else, other than me and him? Jac: I don't know Jac: there's no point, I guess Jesse: might be a bit of a headfuck doing the 2nd pill at home if ma and da don't know, all I were thinking Jesse: but we could go somewhere else Jac: I don't want them to know Jac: I wish I didn't know Jesse: Alright Jac: when it's over forget you ever did Jesse: come on Jac: keep it to yourself then Jac: I don't want to talk about it Jesse: you might and I'll be about if you do Jesse: don't mean I'll be shouting about it Jac: nah Jesse: up to you, that Jac: just leave it Jesse: I heard you Jesse: I'll leave it out Jac: Good Jesse: ☕? Jac: no thanks Jac: I don't need stained teeth as well as a ruined womb Jesse: I'll pick you up a whitening kit when I go work in a bit Jac: 🙄 Jac: can't really drink tea through a straw like you can your coffee Jesse: if you're willing to look like a twat you can do owt Jesse: nobody's about to 👀 any road Jesse: I've had customers cracking on with all sorts Jac: I'd sooner be found dead in a ditch than be one of your customers Jesse: charming Jac: like it weren't obvious Jesse: never said it weren't Jesse: still a bit rude Jac: what, that I'm not a pretentious hipster that likes to pretend shit music is amazing and everyone else is too stupid to get it Jesse: that you'd rather 💀 than have a ☕ off me Jac: I don't know why you'd expect different Jesse: I never said that either Jac: then why say anything at all Jesse: 🤐 Jac: about right Jesse: 🤏 Jac: what does that even mean Jesse: it'll do Jac: whatever Jac: not as if there's any choice in the matter Jesse: what does that mean? Jac: you're annoying and you've got nothing to say Jac: that's just how it is Jesse: alright then Jac: yeah, case in point Jesse: suits you often enough that it's the case Jac: yeah, love that I hate you all Jac: it's a right laugh Jesse: for us an' all Jac: as I said, no choice in the matter Jac: just get on with it Jesse: 👍 Jac: I'll do the pills Jesse: I'll be about Jac: whatever Jesse: you've gotta have somebody with you Jac: I'm sure plenty didn't and don't Jac: if it gets to much, call an ambulance Jesse: you heard, I'll be here Jac: and I said, whatever Jesse: let me know when then Jac: 👍 Jesse: 👌 Jac: no, it's not Jesse: no shit Jac: so quit with this shit and acting like it is Jesse: you Jac: I'm not Jac: I just wanna face my time and do it Jesse: I'm getting my head round it Jac: why? Jac: what's to get, it won't be here Jesse: that's to get if nowt else Jesse: you've gotta do this Jac: so, that has nothing to do with you Jac: it's my mistake my problem Jesse: all that shit I've read ain't just going in one 👂 and out the other Jesse: and it don't have to be my mistake or problem for me to be bothered Jac: then don't get someone pregnant Jac: really welcome for the cautionary tale Jesse: tah Jac: just go away and go to bed Jesse: I ain't finished, there'll be sod all point going to bed when I am Jac: great Jesse: I'll live Jac: I don't care about you Jac: I'm trying to sleep Jesse: crack on then Jesse: I won't stop you Jac: I can't sleep when you're down here Jesse: alright, I'll piss off Jac: thank you Jesse: night Jac: yep Jac: [the next day/day after potentially] Jac: I got the pills Jac: if you're still interested Jesse: they give you the 1st one at the clinic or what? Jesse: how I read it Jac: then you know Jac: I'm gonna fake an abortion for your attention? Jac: obviously not Jesse: piss off Jac: I'm not in the mood Jesse: I'd have gone with you Jac: no need Jesse: do you need picking up now? Jac: I had a cab Jac: they make sure you aren't gonna get off in a car and crash or whatever Jesse: you home? Jac: where else Jesse: is anyone else about or what? Jac: yeah, if you didn't want to do this Jac: you should've said from the start Jac: then I wouldn't have bothered with any of this Jesse: if you'd have said you were doing it I'd be there waiting for you Jac: forget it Jac: you're more of a hindrance than a help Jesse: for not being a 🧠📖 yeah alright Jac: no, for making this remotely about you Jac: and being such a fucking pushover Jac: sometimes, you don't take no for an answer Jac: I was fucking terrified last night and you just left Jac: so fuck you, I don't need you now Jesse: you told me to leave Jac: and? Jac: I can't do this right now, Jesse Jac: I'm literally fucking killing my baby as we speak and you still wanna say you were just doing what I said, anything for an easy life Jac: you're not my problem now, I shouldn't have picked you, simple as Jesse: well you fucking did pick me Jesse: and you know why Jesse: that's about you, not me Jac: because at one point you could be fucking relied upon Jac: my mistake you're actually useless now, well great, thank you SO much Jesse: I got it wrong Jesse: I'm sorry Jac: I needed you to break through Jac: at least try, my God Jesse: I thought you needed space Jesse: I don't know Jac: I don't have enough of that Jac: it's convenient for you to all leave me alone now Jac: you don't like me, whatever Jac: I just needed you to put that aside for this Jesse: piss off, I've fucking tried for a year Jesse: I don't know how to do this with you any more, I don't know you Jac: this isn't run of the mill Jac: it's pretty special circumstances Jac: it is to me Jesse: tah for that, I hadn't realised Jesse: fucking hell Jac: can you just stop Jesse: yeah Jac: Are you gonna come home or what? Jesse: I'm on my way Jac: okay Jesse: is anyone else there or what? Jac: I think Cammie and Jameson were but I just came straight down so they didn't try to talk to me Jac: they might've gone by now Jesse: I'll come in that way Jac: I wasn't just being a bitch, by the way Jac: I bled through the pad I put on Jesse: it don't matter if you were, they'll live Jesse: do you need me to get you anything? Jac: they're used to it too Jac: I've got the painkillers Jesse: I'll just hurry up then Jac: won't be going anywhere Jesse: [we're not saying anything because we're hurrying lol] Jac: [fairplay hen] Jesse: [is gonna bring her loads of things that she could possibly want though obvs to a laughable degree] Jac: [a hot water bottle is a good idea so say you thought of that lol] Jesse: [yeah, cue montage of him giving her a comical amount of things that she lowkey doesn't want or need but there will be some useful shit in there too] Jac: [okay so just watched a quick video, and the worst is infection, sepsis as very worst, it not all coming away, or the tablets not working and this is worked out by going through more than 2 pads an hour with blood, a bad smell down there, a really high fever and the pain not being helped like at all by pain relief methods; we'll let that not happen because it is enough lol, so the basics are severe pain, cramps and blood, nausea, vomiting, diarhea, being shivery hot, you pass tissue and clots and this is meant to take 1-2 days but can last TIL YOUR NEXT PERIOD, the cramps also last about TWO WEEKS, pregnancy symptoms should ease after a couple of days, like being sick, but you can still have tender breasts for several weeks, you can't take the test to confirm the pregnancy is terminated 'til THREE WEEKS later, because the hormones stay around, you aren't allowed sex for 2 weeks BUT IF YOU DO YOU CAN GET PREGNANT IMMEDIATELY AFTER AN ABORTION but like we won't be, you're also not allowed to bath for 2 days and if you have a shower you have to have someone there in case you faint] Jac: [thought we should have this v basic rundown] Jesse: [thank god he is there and not leaving her for a bloody second because I can't even] Jac: [this is what we say when nobody WANTS an abortion hun, this is brutal, we're so rude] Jesse: [worst christmas ever] Jac: [yeah this tops last year and yours before that Amelia, not that we having a competition but hey ho] Jesse: [also thank god that we said that birthday flower drama happened and they broke up so Amelia isn't there casually like oh hey] Jac: [I was thinking if we do want her to know/be real drama, she could try to hit her up, it is Christmas lol] Jesse: [yeah that's always an option because she'll never get you pregnant hun] Jac: [oops, I meant that the other way around, did not write that properly, like Amelia tryna be a bit casual like hey don't be mad it's Xmas and then Jac could flip and it'll obviously be more than the flowers] Jesse: [well that makes sense because it's Amelia she's probably bought her a christmas gift yet again lol] Jac: [that was my vibe lol, god knows how my boo will be feelsy/rude with that] Jesse: [I was thinking she should get her another gay book that relates to their life like she did last year but like folded up inside is a portrait cos she hasn't done one of her since that one when they were like tweens] Jac: [you can find a list I bet, at least you don't know about the gay baby there isn't, that would be too close to the nose] Jesse: [blatantly like a chanel lipstick because we got the lip balm a year before, a theme so yeah leave that for the bae like you did last year] Jac: [a vibey vibe tbh, soz you do not know what you're coming into] Jac: [but yes, this is gonna be a bonding moment for you two, because it'll stop being like let's talk about it and you'll just have to do it, at least 2 days of the worst, you'll have to distract and comfort anywhich ways you can think of, probably lots of old movies and eating comforting junk, I'm just deciding if we tell JJ ourself or make Jesse rn hmm] Jesse: [I love that for you two even though it has to be in such horrible circumstances, I think he should do it because they'll blatantly still speak to her but at least she won't have to start the convo herself] Jac: [yeah, that makes sense as a moment 'cos we aren't stupid and this is gonna be suspish to all of us but at least then we can keep the other kids mainly Jude from being like HEWWO] Jesse: [yeah because Jude is the last thing we need rn no offense hen but he's literally not leaving her and even he isn't the music bit THAT much plus we said he had a show that he's just skipping which Jude would probably know so she'd be like ??! if not] Jac: [like, I'm down for mentioning that is a thing or having her come into the inbox but we don't need it to get to deathcon 5 levels, like we don't have the energy so she'd just be ignored and I won't make you self-RP] Jesse: [we know it's a thing and we know the vibe] Jac: [mhmm, like at the minute we've probably simply forgotten but we will circle back 'round when we're not quite so in traumatic shock] Jesse: [poor Jude just like why is everyone ignoring me, god bless] Jac: [lmao GIMME THAT ATTENTION, truly JJ I dunno how you tell someone to stop without giving up the info but you've gotta somehow] Jesse: [distract her somehow lads, it's nearly christmas there is shit you can do] Jac: [just going on a suspish amount of Christmas activities haha i live] Jesse: [I feel bad for you hen but like all will become clear one day] Jac: [sadly how it's gonna be]

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lansizhuis · 5 years ago

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Do you have any weilan drama hcs vs weilan novel hcs? Also what are your thoughts on the zhenhun japanese audio drama news?

as you already know i lowkey screamed about this ask yesterday hahahaha and i had to pause and take some time or else im gonna cry that im having zhenhun asks hahahaha (and i got your ficlet prompt!! imma write it soon hehe)

I’m gonna go with the easiest question first - my thoughts on the upcoming JP audio drama. Man, I was so skeptical when I saw that post on weibo and admittedly just scrolled past it. But then I saw some weilan personal accts I follow that shared it so I had to check JJWXC but couldn’t see it. And I had to bombard my friend to check it on their app despite her not being in the zhenhun fandom lmao (i owe her my first born’s hair lol) and the rest is history akdaskjf OKAY so I was honestly hoping maoerfm would take it and despite being very unlikely - i was also hoping zhu yilong and bai yu would still voice weilan given that they didn’t need VAs when they did the drama and also I love the two of them. I also really was hoping to hear the iconic lines as is from the novel (thank you xiao bai for recording yourself saying the confession scene on your own jfc long ge it’s just 2 words from you please keep up haha). BUT YOU KNOW WHAT - I’M TAKING WHAT I CAN GET FROM A NOVEL PUBLISHED WAY BACK 2012. I’m super excited for it! I hope they get really good VAs and idc if they’re new or unknown so long as they capture novel!weilan very well. And I was informed that JP audio dramas aren’t like CN ones where there’s an online platform we pay for but they’re more on physical copies they sell and well looks like I’m back to JP shipping world now haha

[NOTE: WILL BE NSFW-ISH]

DRAMA HEADCANONS- well duh first of all that crap ending doesn’t exist hahahaha- weilan is def canon and istg kunlun taught past shen wei how to bj like all that lollipop references esp when they met with all that hair?? kunlun was past shen wei’s first and only lmao - this makes things interesting now bc present shen wei with zhao yunlan would def know the best ways to pleasure that man-child bc he already knew from the past hahahaha- it’s already obvious but while shen wei is reserved and all controlled in public, zhao yunlan always managed to make him snap and eyyy zhao yunlan ain’t complaining with that aggressive hot papapa (thirsty fckr lol)- the entire SID are their adopted children and the “kids” always run to shen wei when zhao yunlan threatens to cut their bonus- but also the “kids” are def way more scared of shen wei aka the infamous black cloaked envoy and runs back to their shameless man-child of a dad bc hey as much as zhao yunlan threatens them, he’s never really cut their bonuses and he’d save them in an instant anytime anywhere despite his teasing (shen wei though? they’d all get legit scolded and punished for bad moves haha he’s def the disciplinarian)- technically, ever since the secret got out between weilan, shen wei had been staying over on the apartment in front of his *coughs* bc 1) someone needs to make sure zhao yunlan doesn’t die of poison and bacteria from his pig pen of a place; and 2) zhao yunlan is there (already canon but let’s make it that he cooks and prepares his stuff everyday)- again, that crap end didn’t happen and they both have a happy ending

NOVEL HEADCANONS- one of my all-time favorite stuff about them is when shen wei embraces his ghost nature and goes all dark on zhao yunlan that he’d sometimes whisper his dark fantasies like “i just want to lock you up” but zhao yunlan is a thirsty fckr and the biggest shen wei apologist so he just goes “das hot babe”- or when they’re in the middle of papapa and shen wei goes “sometimes i just want to eat you up to make you a part of me forever” and zhao yunlan responds with a grin “yeah? you should start with my pretty, pretty eyes” and shen wei just snaps back to his controlled self bc wtf zhao yunlan you’re not supposed to find that hot??? are you okay???- all their SID children (yes they def adopted that ragtag team lmao) has walked in on them doing it at least once - da qing complains the most bc he ends up seeing them the most (”i dont wanna see your dumb ass” “u fat fuq, no one told you to come in - and my ass isn’t dumb, it’s perk! right xiao wei?)- zhao yunlan is so mouthy to his complements to shen wei (he already does in canon but hey let’s amplify it) and everyone in the vicinity esp the SID team wretches whenever he goes “xiao wei! my love, my heart, my soul, my kidney, my toes, my -” “STOP ALREADY”) and shen wei is blushing and asks him to “ah-lan, please don’t be so shameless in public” “so in private, it’s okay?” and eyyy shen wei actually really loves it (spoiler: SID doesn’t)- once, zhao yunlan cuts everyone’s bonus so he can afford this expensive af gift to shen wei (only wang zheng knows but she’s a sweetheart so she only tells sang zan but sang zan accidentally spills to da qing and well chaos ensured after that)- weilan is forever in honeymoon- zhao papa and shennong-bo as canon still doesn’t like shen wei aka their son-in-law and always tries to drag their son away from him “shen wei is the ghost slayer who’s an abomination” “you dont have all the facts” “which are?” *zhao yunlan snuggling to shen wei “i love him”- i actually really like gui mian/ghost face/the twin and i hoped he had a better role slash screen time bc c’mon!!! someone almost the same as shen wei??? all the shenanigans possible there esp since he’s a crazy ass and shen wei doesn’t like him lol and zhao yunlan just has his eyes mooning over his xiao wei- weilan would have so many kinks lmao with zhao yunlan’s shamelessness?? and shen wei’s own 5,000 year thirst and weakness against zhao yunlan?? please they’d have a veeeeery satisfying papapa life and it isn’t new that sometimes when they orgasm, an earthquake or some tsunami happens bc heyyy powerful god/ghost immortal husbands- it’s rare since zhao yunlan’s shameless but there will be times where shen wei does or says something and zhao yunlan is rendered speechless and blushes (lin jing and da qing has some recorded as blackmail material)- I NEED TO STOP HERE BC IM GONNA WORD VOMIT EVEN MORE IF NOT HAHAHAHAHA

#zhenhun #weilan #guardian #shen wei #zhao yunlan #zhtext #anon #answers

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one-abuse-survivor · 5 years ago

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hi, i was wondering if you had any advice. i moved out of my terrible situation (yay!) & now my days are lighter & so much easier. i have actually seen an improvement in my behaviour & attitude & even self esteem. but i realised i have been avoiding anything trauma-related out of fear of all those ugly emotions. my nightmares have gotten more frequent & i’ve started having flashbacks (which are not what i thought & definitely not fun). i want to see a therapist but can’t at the moment. (1)

i’m aware i’m still an overflowing fountain of unhealthy coping mechanisms and unresolved trauma but once i start thinking abt those things it’s hard to put it ‘back in the box’ and carry on. i know work has to be put into recovery & that it’s hard & awkward & messy, but i can’t do it alone & i know it’ll just fester if i shove it away and ignore it. i’m quite literally between a rock and a hard place. literally any words at all (even just acknowledgement lmao) will be appreciated, ty 💓😌 (2)

–

Hi, nonnie! First of all, I’m so proud of you for getting out of that situation and for all the improvement you’ve made, and you should be hella proud too 😊

Yeah, recovery is… hard, to say the very least. I’ve been on it for one and a half years now, and there are certain things that I still battle with everyday, things that I must have brought up to my therapist a thousand times, and things I haven’t brought up yet at all because I’m so scared I’ll have to face them if I do. But I can tell you a few things that I’ve learnt!

- Go step by step, one step at a time. When I first brought up a thousand different PTSD symptoms and unhealthy coping mechanisms to my therapist, the first thing she told me is, we can’t possibly fix this all at once, so let’s start with the most pressing issue – you can’t keep skipping meals. Which was a thing I did. So we started there; literally just with me telling myself I can’t keep skipping meals anymore every time I wanted to. This doesn’t mean I haven’t skipped a meal in one and a half years because of my PTSD, but it does mean that the days I do skip meals are now catalogued as bad days. Recovery has bad days, and during those, sometimes I still skip a meal, but now all of these days are separate from every other single day. I’m not a person who skips meals anymore. I’m a person who sometimes has bad days and struggles a bit more to eat.

- And that applies to every other one of your symptoms. They’re not going to magically disappear one by one, but they can stop being a part of you and become just a part of the bad days you have sometimes, separate from the rest of your life.

- How to achieve this?

- I don’t understand/remember every single step I’ve taken in my recovery process, but one thing I can tell you is that it’s okay not to think about it. It’s okay not to want to go back to all those ugly emotions. Right now, if I started making a mental list of instances where my mother abused me, I would have an anxiety attack. So I don’t. I’ve talked about this with my therapist, a while ago when I asked her what she thought of exposure therapy methods, and she told me that we already torture ourselves enough with our memories for her to put us back in that situation. It’s okay not to want to go back to those feelings. It’s okay to keep on living your life, create a routine for yourself, make friends and lead a lifestyle that doesn’t include your past trauma. You’re not avoiding anything by moving on! And if you’re worried that you’re burying things that you should probably face, I’m here to say that, in my experience, this is something that you’ll need a therapist’s help with. So there’s no shame in not knowing how to start to face these tings by yourself! As you said, you can’t do it alone!

- Which brings me to my next point: you need people in your life. When you go through trauma it’s normal to isolate yourself, to lose people along the way and lose opportunities to meet new people and to avoid social interation with the people you do know because of anxiety, fear, feeling different, not having experience… During recovery, it’s important that you slowly expose yourself to these tiny life events. Just, the next time a classmate or co-worker or a friend asks you to go for a coffee, or to watch a movie sometime, and you feel like you’d say yes if it wasn’t for fear/lack of experience/anxiety… say yes. (Don’t say yes out of obligation, though, or to do things that you don’t enjoy with people you dislike! This is about you being more and more comfortable having a normal life, not about you pushing yourself to do things/be around people that make you uncomfortable). So even if you don’t face all these giant things that are turning and turning in your mind… do face the tiny things that you feel are like small walls separating you from the rest of the world. Start with the walls that feel easiest to climb. (THIS is the kind of exposure therapy my therapist advocates for! Slowly daring to face things in life that our first insticts tell us we should avoid).

- Reward yourself when you do well, and be kind to yourself when you don’t do so well. Try to train all the voices that say bad things about you to instead say things like “today I did that chore that I’d been postponing! Yay me! I deserve some chocolate.” “Today I couldn’t do this chore! It’s not because I’m lazy; there is a reason behind my struggle. It means I’m not feeling my best right now. I’m going to rest/distract myself/do an easier chore/shower/do whatever I need to do to take care of myself right now (yes, that includes eating that chocolate too) and I’ll try again tomorrow.”

- Try not to spend too much time alone with your thoughts. Read, go out with friends, watch shows you like… fill your day and your mind with things that don’t leave you with hours ahead for you to dwell on your thoughts. Basically this takes me back to that previous point; create a routine, find things and people you like, try new things from time to time. My therapist said spending too much time alone with my thoughts only serves to trigger myself when I could be using that time to do something fun or something I need to do instead!

- It usually takes me from one to two days to completely recover from a flashback. Luckily they don’t happen so often now, because one can’t keep taking days off when they’re continuous. That being said… when you have a flashback, be kind with yourself. Drink water. Take the day slowly. Write “rest” on your to-do list so that literally one of the things for you to do that day is to just rest. Just lie in bed with your phone for a few hours. Ta-da! A to-do thing completed. Sleep plenty. Also, you know when you’re crying and people ask you if you want to talk, or if you want to go somewhere else, and instinctively you know if the answer is ‘yes’ or ‘no’? This happens to me at least; when I’m in pain, it’s like instinct takes over and I don’t need to wonder what I need–my body just tells me. Similarly, when I have a flashback, both during and after it happens it’s like my body is just asking me for things I need. Cover your face, don’t let anyone touch you, stop every noise around you are some of the common ones. And afterwards, it’s usually more like be home alone, lay in bed in the dark, don’t go out, drink water. My advice is to listen to your body. Yes, even if our trauma tells us to stay home it’s important that we jump the small walls; but having a flashback leaves you very vulnerable, and things that are usually tolerable and even enjoyable can turn into a living nightmare; from sounds and lights to having to sit through three hours of lectures to having to talk to people. So when you have a flashback, for a day, avoiding these things if you feel like it’s the best option is okay.

That’s all I can think of right now! I hope some of this helps you at least a little bit and I hope that you are having a good day today 💗 And please, remember that your comfort and safety always come before my advice; if something I said doesn’t feel right, don’t feel like you have to do it. I’m just one person with one experience, after all! (Also if anyone reading this has their own advice, you’re more than welcome to add it to the post 😊)

Sending you a big big hug and lots of encouragement!

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the-eldritch-it-gay · 5 years ago

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Oh speaking of Abjid, the DA/ME discord I’m in was talking about possession a bit ago, Wardens being possessed specifically, and I shared about my ideas of Abjid’s possession. So if you’ve ever been curious as to my thought process of Abjid’s possession and/or want a more clearly stated explaination instead of the hints and stuff I drop in my fics, here you go. Plus a bonus plain text look at the tags I had on my one fic talking about my thoughts on Dalish views of spirits/demons

I just copied the text, since I figured it’s be easier to read:

i always imagined that my possessed warden didn't have the same needs of sleep but also I feel the physical effects of no sleep might still present an issue? but also who knows, maybe possessed mortals are a bit different in just how their bodies work.

With my Warden [Abjid], they were possessed you know, textbook possession stuff but they ended up being able to make peace with it and control it. One thing was it was believed in part that Abjid had died briefly and when they were resucetated they brought a spirit/demon back with them, or that they similar to Wynne, died but the spirit/demon in them is keeping them alive.

Either way, the association with the possession and brief death kinda put Abjid into some sort of stasis? idk if thats the right word. But where physically they're not really changing even as they age/heal from wounds/etc, because said spirit/demon is just keeping them as they were when they died/almost died. As such they don't have the same needs of eating/sleeping-- though if they don't they put more strain on the spirit/demon.

The spirit/demon largely feeds just on their magic/mana to sustain itself. In the beginning, there was a more clear distinction in who had control, Abjid or the Spirit/demon, but by the time even DA:OA starts it's been like 11 years since they were first possessed, so it's kinda just become much more that they're just one being. That's at least kinda what I imagined, I probably could figure out more about it.

Also I use spirit/demon because Abjid doesn't believe that things in the fade can be catagorized that easily, especially since they joined the Dalish when they were young. I have lots of hcs about dalish views of demons/spirits by projecting my own culture lmao

also i was looking through my fics bcuz in one with Abjid where they meet the person who will later become their spouse, I touched on my thoughts of Dalish views of spirits and demons and in the tags I kinda explained, so here's just what I said in the tags of that fic as an overview of my view:

legally apparently dalish don't think demons are evil but they think spirits are dangerous, but I kinda imagine they see demons/spirits/w/e similarly. i kinda took merrill's thing about how spirits can't really be divided into catagories, and my own view of djinn (being muslim myself) and put that together.

Which kinda seems fitting bcuz we're told djinn have free will and are just like humans just not physical. They can be good or evil, they have their own set of morals, but it's haram [fobidden] to appeal to djinn and Iblīs [The Devil] might be a djinni (or a fallen angel). And the line between demons and djinn is a bit fuzzy [malevolent djinn are sometimes called demons, despite angels, demons, and djinn being seperate things].

At least that's how i learned it and i kinda projected that onto the dalish views of demons/spirits yeah?

#Eldritch IT Speaks #da Abjid #The Eldritch Dragon Age #does this count as meta? idk #ill throw it in my meta tag jic #Eldritch IT Meta #long post

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fathertaurus · 6 years ago

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22 ~ ⛈️

in all honesty this did not turn out the way I expected. This isn’t that bad but it still sucks, as always I hope you enjoy! also the title is ass, sorry lmao.

You had been teasing him all day long, before even getting ready for the party. You walked around almost completely naked and kept bending down in front of him. It had been almost a week since you were able to have actual sex, a few quickies here and there to tide you both over but you needed more. You wore his hoodies and shirts, walked around in panties, even moaned while eating strawberries. You did everything to get him to snap, but when he hadn’t fucked you before the party you knew that you had to take it up a notch. You wore the tightest skirt you owned along with one of his shirts tucked into the waistband and some vans.

“Whoa, Y/N. If you weren’t David’s girl I’d totally try to smash.” Dom said from the couch as you walked out. You rolled your eyes and made your way to the kitchen, you see David reach his hand out and smack him against the side of his head and suppressed your giggles.

On the way to the party you sat in the passenger seat with your friends in the back, everyone having their own conversations, you reached you hand over to hold David’s free one and he looked over at you. He raised your hands and placed a gentle kiss to the back of your hand, but you weren’t looking for gentle tonight. You shook your hand free from his and laid it on his thigh and started rubbing up and down, he shot you a look and pushed your hand away but you brought it right back.

Soon enough you arrived at whatever frat house party you were invited to this week and walked in, hand in hand with David. Your friends scattered about and Natalie dragged you away from David and onto the dance floor. For the next half hour you danced with Natalie and the strangers around you while Heath and Zane got drunk and David got footage for his vlog. You made your way from the sweaty bodies and into the kitchen to get something to drink, you spotted David by the stairs talking to Todd as he watched you walk into the kitchen. You stumbled your way passed bodies and into couples, not even bothering to apologise because they probably couldn’t hear you over the music. You sighed as you finally made it into the kitchen where there were significantly less people, and you grabbed a cup.

“Hey, want some help?” you turned around at the voice to find a tall boy with dark brown hair and olive skin, he looked down at you a smiled.

“Uh, no thanks. I’m good.” you say and turn back to the abundance of drink selections.

“Oh c'mon, I’m training to be a bartender. Let me mix something up for you, try out my skills.” he says leaning against the counter.

“Hmm, I don’t drink at college parties, safety rule. But if you like you can mix me up some water.” you say with a small smile, you look back through the door and just as you were hoping, David was watching. You smiled lightly to yourself knowing the one thing that could always make David snap was other boys flirting with you. The boy hands you a cup and you immediately dump it and get your own water, you turn back to him and he looks confused.

“Safety first.” you say and shrug your shoulders, “So, what’s your name?” you start a conversation with the boy hoping he’d engage. Twenty minutes and a few stupid stories later you look back out the door to find that David is no longer by the stairs, you pretend to pay attention to whatever story the guy is telling while you look for him in the crowd of people.

“-and then she was all like “Your dad works for NASA?” and I was like “hell yeah girl.” and yeah. That’s basically how I got my first girlfriend.” the boy, Nate as you’ve come to learn, finishes.

“Wow, that’s so cool.” you say half-heartedly, “Hey, let’s go dance.” you place your cup down and grab his wrist dragging him out the kitchen and into the living room. You start dancing with him, scanning the crowd for David, you spot Natalie who shoots you a confused look and Kristen and Scotty who are lost in their own little world. You dance with Nate for about five minutes until you see David walk back into the house from the back door, Todd and Dom trailing behind him. He instantly spots you with your hands around Nate’s neck as you dance to whatever shitty song was playing, you watch him as his whole demeanor changes. You can feel the irritation rolling off of him from across the room and wonder if everyone else can feel it too. He shakes his head and points to the front door and you nod in understanding, ‘time to go’. You drop your hands from around the boys neck and push away from him beelining to the door. You ignore his calls of you name and quickly make your way to David’s car. You wait for a few minutes, getting cold and wishing you had brought a jacket. He finally makes his way to the car and unlocks it.

“Finally, I was getting cold.” you say, sliding in the passenger seat, once in you start rubbing your legs and shivering.

“Sorry I had to make sure our friends had rides home because you had to go and piss me the fuck off.” he apologized sarcastically.

“I didn’t even doing anything!” you say a little louder than necessary, he looks at you in disbelief and shakes his head. He doesn’t say anything else, just pulls away from the house and down the street. The ride is quite, until you lay your hand in his bulge and start rubbing back and forth.

“Stop.” he spits out and bats your hand away.

You pout and throw yourself back into your seat, “You’re no fun Davey.” He looks over at you and scoffs.

“Stop acting like a fucking brat.” he growls and turns back to focus on the road.

“Fucking dick.” you mutter, hoping he heard you. He slams on the brakes, causing you to lurch forward and gasp.

“What the fuck did you just say?” he reaches over and grips your jaw in his hand making you turn to look at him. Your eyes go wide and you realize you might have taken it a bit to far.

“D-da-” he squeeze your jaw tighter making you cut yourself off with a gasp.

“That’s not what you said. Daddy’s gonna give you one more chance, what did you just say?” he growls and let’s go of your jaw.

“I-i c-called y-you a fu-fucking di-dick.” you stutter trying to regain your composure. He just hums and starts driving again.

“Wait until we get home, babe. Just wait.” he growls. The rest of the ride seems to go by quickly, like the world was on David’s side, hitting every green light. He finally turns into the driveway and gets out the car, he slams his door and leaves you sitting there while he makes his way inside. You get out the car and make your way to the house, on you way in Joe’s leaving.

“Hey, Y/N. Make sure you drink some water, yeah?” he says walking to his car.

“What?” you ask stopping and turning around.

“Oh, Dave told me you weren’t feeling good. Get some rest, I hope you feel better.” you nod and wave goodbye, walking in the house. You close the door and instantly David is pushing you up against it, a hand around your throat.

“Listen closely because I’m not repeating myself tonight. You’re gonna go to our room and strip, lay on the bed face down ass up, and wait until I get there. Nod if you understand.” you do your best to nod with his hand around your throat, “Good.” he growls and pushes away from you. You scramble to the room, stripping as you make your way down the hall, once in the room you finish undressing and throw your clothes in the hamper. You lay in the middle of the bed how he instructed and wait, your heart rate picking up and you can feel your pussy start to get wet at the thought of what he could do to you. A few minutes later you hear him come into the room, you itch to look back at him and see what he’s doing but know better. You hear the sound of clothes hitting the floor and feel the bed dip.

“All rules apply tonight, especially no talking without permission, and no cumming without permission. Do you understand?” he says, there’s a pregnant pause as he waits to see if you’ll misbehave but you don’t, “Good girl. How many spanks do you deserve? Speak.”

“Twenty.” you whisper against the sheets.

“Why am I punishing you?” he growls, his hands run over the curve of you ass, gripping one cheek in each and and squeezing. You almost reply but catch yourself just in time. “Answer.”

“Because I misbehaved.” you hear the smack before you feel it, the sound echoing throughout the room and the stinging sensation fluttering across your ass. You gasp loudly and your hands grip the bed sheets, and you body shifts forward.

“Be specific.” he says, voice stern. His hand rubs across the fresh mark across your cheek as his other pulls you back towards him.

“B-because I te-teased y-you, a-and t-talked ba-back.” you whimper.

“Yeah? Also touched daddy without permission and danced with that boy. You know I don’t like that. What was his name?” he says harshly, “He looked like a Noah. Was that his name?” his nails dig into your hips.

“No, daddy!” you cry out, pushing backwards trying to feel something.

“No? What was it then? Tell me who thought they could get a taste of daddy’s pussy.” he grips your hips harder and you know there’s going to be bruises tomorrow morning.

“I don’t know!” you cry again and bury your head into the sheets. You hear him scoff and climb off the bed.

“So now you wanna lie to me? That’s five more.” he says.

“David! That’s not-” the smack was harder than the previous, spanning across both cheeks. You bury your head in the sheets as the tears start stinging the back of your eyes.

“You need to learn to stop misbehaving. What’s your safe word?” he asks.

“Cactus.” you whine

“Count all 25 and thank me.” he starts out softly, laying gentle smacks against your ass, alternating between both cheeks. The eleventh spank was the hardest yet, in almost the exact same spot.

“Eleven! Thank you Daddy!” you screamed and buried your head into the bed further. He continued smacking the same spot, with the same amount of force until he go to 15 and he switched sides. By the time he was at 20 you were a mess, you could barely count let alone thank him, you had tears streaming down your face and your whole body felt hot.

“C'mon baby, five more. You can do it.” he whispered, giving you a short break and rubbing the red, hot skin. You breathed in shakily through your mouth and nodded your head, showing you were ready to finish.

“How about this, only two more if you tell Daddy what his name was?”

“I-i don’t remember.” you lie, you don’t know why you did.

“Oh sweetie, why would you continue to lie? I know you remember.” his hands grab at your ass, squeezing the burning skin, as he leans across your body pressing his hard cock to your backside and whispering against your ear, “Wanna know how I know, babe?” he pulls away from your ear. He settles one hand on your hip and the other against your lower back and starts rutting against you.

“You can remember the name of every girl I’ve talked to at parties or clubs.” he growls, “But the one time I ask you to tell me the name of a guy you were dancing with, you conveniently don’t remember.” he pulls his hand away from your lower back and quickly slams against your left ass cheek, hard. The sudden spank made you scream out.

“Nate! Fuck daddy, I’m sorry! Please!” you yelled and pushed back against him. You were soaked, between him acting like this and not having proper sex in weeks, you were a goner at the first hit.

“There you go, was that so hard?” he growled and layed one more smack against your right cheek, not nearly as hard but still got the point across. He grips your hips and flips you over to your back, the feeling of the sheets rubbing against your raw ass making you squirm. He leans down and kisses you roughly and a hand sneaks between your bodies to play with your clit. You moan into his mouth, already on edge from not having a good fuck for a week and from your punishment. Two of his long fingers slide through your folds and press into your entrance, the pad rub across your g-spot and you clench tightly and gasp into his kisses.

“Gonna cum!” you cry, your voice was high as you neared your high. He pulled away from you completely and tangled his right hand in your hair, pulling you up against him.

“Are you asking or telling me?” he growls in your ear.

“Daddy, can I cum? Please?” you whimper.

“No.” he growls and let’s go of your hair, your body dropping back against the bed. He spreads your legs apart and kneels on the edge of the bed between them. Giving you no warning or anytime to adjust he pushes all the way in, hitting your g-spot and pulling out just as quickly.

“No! Please, I’m sorry! I’ll do anything, please fuck me!” you cry out, tears are flowing freely and your face is flushed from embarrassment.

“Gonna be good?” he whispers rubbing his head between your folds.

“Yes Daddy!” you whimper, he hums in approval and pushes in slowly, both hands resting near your head as he shifts his weight, his head is dropped watching you take him in.

“Fuck baby, feel so good.” he says through gritted teeth, he pulls out, pushing back in just as slow. Your mouth is gaping open as moans fall freely from your lips, your hands are gripping the sheets so tightly your knuckles are white. He begins a quick and rough pace, pounding deep and hitting the spot that has you crying out and clenching around him each time.

“Daddy! Please, can I cum? Please Please Ple-” you start to cry out but get cut off by one of his hands coming around to wrap around your throat.

“You cum when I say you can. Stop whining.” he growls, he lets go of your throat to grip your jaw and force your mouth open, he leans close to your mouth and spits directly on your tongue. “Swallow.” he growls and lets go. He watches your throat bob as you swallow what he gave you and he moans, quickening his thrust.

“Can I cum? Please?” you whimper, “I promise I’ll be good.” he groans at the sound of your begging.

“Cum for me sweetheart, can feel you right there. Let go for me.” he whispers- and you do. Your back arches and your bare chest presses against his. Your eyes roll back and your mouth drops open as a cry rips from your throat. Your walls flutter around him causing him to still deep inside of you and let his own orgasm wash over him. You sit like that for a few moments, catching your breath, then he’s pulling out and kissing your forehead.

“I’ll be right back, darling.” he whispers softly pulling away but your hands come up and pull him back down.

“Cuddle me.” you whine, causing him to chuckle.

“In a minute, need to get my girl cleaned and get some water yeah? I’ll be right back.�� he presses another kiss to your temple and moves away, quickly pulling on his boxers and rushing to get the things he needs. He comes back a few moments later and wipes you clean, throwin the dirty cloth in the hamper, “Sit up for me, baby.” he mutters helping you sit against the headboard. He sits next to you and hands you an opened bottle of water, chuckling as you down half of it, and a granola bar.

“Thank you.” you whisper as you open the package, he wraps his arm around your shoulders and pulls you into his side.

“I love you.” he mutters into your hair making a smile break across your face.

“I love you too.”

#david dobrik smut #david dobrik imagine #david dobrik blurb #submission

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