#cyanide needs professional help

[mutilxtedd]

Spreading the speedingbullet plague

[thehollowwriter]

NRC au Silas' actual time at NRC would probably be very short lived tbh because as a teenager he was very sick, freshly disabled from the harpoon, in a new body, and very traumatised and not really old enough to understand how to deal with it. Silas' time in Midway gave him the respite he needed to process (even if he didn't have professional help yet) and at least partially recover from what he's experienced.

NRC Silas doesn't have that because, unlike in Midway, the other students aren't scared of him, and, well, it's NRC. It's not really a place where you can let your guard down. Doesn't help that Emrys wouldn't be there to help him with these new alien experiences or deal with students who think they're all tough.

All it would take was older students trying to haze the tiny first year or take his food, and he would have actually murdered someone I'm not even joking 💀

Tagging: @distant-velleity @br3adtoasty @rainesol @theleechyskrunkly @jovieinramshackle

@galaxies-and-gore @cyanide-latte @cynthinesia @officialdaydreamer00 @krenenbaker

@offorestsongs @kitwasnothere @elenauaurs @boopshoops @inotonline

@1dont-really-know @kazumify @minteasketches @elysia-nsimp @skrimpyskimpy

@casp1an-sea @offorestsongs @tixdixl @poisoned-pearls @the-trinket-witch

@ramshacklerumble @ghostiidasponk @thegoldencontracts @the-banana-0verlord @cloudcountry

@skriblee-ksk @twstinginthewind @lumdays @theolivetree123 @natsukishinomiyaswife

@authoruio @jewelulu @raguiras @honeynclove @moonyasnow

[some-pers0n]

spy from hit game tf2 for the character ask thingie

I got another ask for a similar game. My my, I think we have a Spy enjoyer.

First Impression

Fr*nch guy who is an asshole

Current Impression

Yeah he's haughty and pompous and pretentious, but generally really well-meaning and cares quite a bit about others. I'd be willing to say he's the more selfless of the cast (save for maybe Demoman, Heavy, and Engie). He goes along with Scout to get some money so he and his mother will have financial stability. He spends what he believes to be his last hours alive trying to make the mercs content with their lives by doing a bucket list. When that fails, he still helps out Scout try to get a date with Miss Pauling. There's a lot more facets to his character.

Favourite Moment

Oughhh there's so many good ones. I like the scene where he agrees to share the cyanide with Miss Pauling after watching her cry. It's a moment that really kinda...hits me. It's hopeless. Miss Pauling failed the Administrator. The last bit of Australium on earth slipped through her fingers. Now she's going to be tortured by a bad butch dom sadistic bitch the TFC Pyro. She breaks down crying. There's something so...heavy about watching it happen. Not to mention Spy, who doesn't really know how to comfort her otherwise, just offers her a quick way out. It's the most he can do. Let her go out on her own terms. He's not selfish. He has boundaries (i.e. not letting Sniper use his 10k suit as a towel), but he helps out when time comes. That and also the Tom Jones scene.

Idea for a Story

For over a year I've had the idea of him and Sniper going to Paris for a couple of days as a little work-mandated vacation (which happens after Redmond and Blutarch are murdered and the Admin needs to try and figure out something to do about it). I just think of a lot of silly moments between them, touching on my headcanon of Spy being a coffee snob, Sniper being not very used to "fancy" and learning about French culture (even if Spy is surprised he isn't a total animal)(cause Sniper's still a professional and all), etc. One scene I like is of them trying to steal something out of the Louvre because Sniper bet that they couldn't do it. They obviously return it by the end of the trip, but it's still fun for them.

Unpopular Opinion

I think Spy isn't that bad of a dad, but rather he's afraid of commitment. He doesn't like the idea of being tied down. Yeah obviously abandoning Scout as a child was a terrible move and I want to see Scout beat the shit out of him for it, but Spy doesn't seem...that bad with kids? He does care a lot about Scout, but he's afraid of letting himself seem vulnerable and admitting to that mistake he made all those years ago.

Favourite Relationship

I like the dynamic between Scout and Spy a lot. Their bickering is really fun. Plus the death scene is really quite tender and meaningful. Sniper/Spy I prefer more as platonic, not gonna lie. Friends with benefits, but not really romantic. Maybe that's from the GreyAro headcanons I've slapped onto them both though. For actual romantic ships? Spoovy is great. I like ships where they both have a lot in common, and with Spoovy, well, they're both intellectuals. Not to also mention the whole Big Bulky Guy x Toothpick-Thin Guy thing.

Favourite Headcanon

I do really adore my coffee headcanon for no reason at all. Spy being a coffee snob is perfect to me. That being said, I think he's an okay cook, which is something he's ashamed of. He gets all of these fresh, beautiful ingredients, but he can't really cook anything better than a 6/10 meal.

[idigitizellp21]

How a Pigeon Net is the Cost-Effective Way to Prevent Bird Damage

Bird netting, also known as pigeon netting, is a type of bird control measure that involves the use of nets to prevent birds from accessing certain areas. Bird netting is commonly used to protect crops and buildings from bird damage. It can also be used to keep birds away from other areas such as agricultural and industrial applications and facias of buildings.

Bird netting is made from various materials, including nylon, polyethylene, and stainless steel. The type of bird netting you choose will depend on the specific needs of your application. Nylon bird netting is often used for agricultural applications as it is lightweight and easy to install. Polyethylene bird netting is more durable and is often used in industrial settings. Stainless steel bird netting is the strongest type of bird netting and is commonly used in areas where bird control is of paramount importance, such as airports.

Where is Bird Netting Most Commonly Used?

1. Crop protection — bird netting is a physical barrier that covers the entire crop, making it difficult for birds to access the plants. It is an essential tool for crop protection, as it can help prevent significant losses when birds damage crops. 2. Fish protection — Bird netting is the perfect solution for protecting our fisheries and wildlife reserves from pesky birds. Fish farms need protection, too, so they use netting that will be visible as a barrier to diving into your pond! 3. Building Protection — Bird netting is a highly effective and long-lasting way to protect buildings from all sorts of birds. It provides an impenetrable barrier that doesn’t harm the creatures inside it while keeping out unwanted guests. 4. Mining ponds — Bird netting can be used to prevent spills on roads, such as minerals or metals from crushed rocks. These compounds must be confined so they don’t escape, but EPA regulations also mandate that these cyanide ponds be covered at all times to prevent wildlife loss!

How Bird Netting Works for the Pigeon Problem?

According to the Humane Society, preventing roosting and nesting opportunities for birds is one of the humane methods of pigeon control. Your efforts should encourage the birds to nest and roost elsewhere.

Since pigeons look for flat surfaces for nesting and roosting, bird netting helps to eliminate these opportunities and forces them to look elsewhere. In a perfect world, you can create a pigeon-free environment using large pigeon netting, especially in large industrial structures.

Bird netting can be used for many applications, including: 1. Within recessed portions of buildings 2. In light wells 3. Under eaves 4. Around equipment

To get the best bird netting solutions contact Ultima Search, your pest control experts over the last three decades for all your pest-related problems.

Related Read: What you can expect if you have signed up for our professional bird netting services

[goodideasbutnomotivation]

I was watching “Cyanide and Happiness” and saw the “Meds”, “Meds: Las Vegas” and “Meds: Miami” skits and I absolutely loved the concept, despite it being a gag

Someone needs to make a whole series of cops who are also medical professionals and go around “solving crimes”, but really just helping the sick and injured with a lot of police puns and jokes squashed in

[castle-dominion]

c3x19 law & murder

Edit: I'm gathering clips for tumblr rn but it is taking way long & I am disorganizing my clips so I might need to pause for the day, even tho these dvds are overdue at the library...

This guy is sending looks over all scary-like, & this guy looks like he needs to ask for help or a break soon. Why ask him? Why not ask the people who are already beside you? bc this guy is wearing a suit & looks like he knows what's going on? It reminds me of that story where a boyfriend breaks up with his gal bc she is uncaring & then she's ruminating on this on the bus & when someone dies right in front of her she does care; she cares that he coughed up blood onto her shoe.

Don't u usually go to crime scenes & THEN they go to court?

Casually picks up a big, unsmoothied celery leaf what's the sense in living longer if you have to drink that We call em professional development days here bc in catholic school we also had faith development days so two FD days would make no sense, we had to have PD days & FD days. Father daughter <3 wait alexis why r u mumbling into that drink? She did not she LOVES my breakfast smoothies! Going to take another sip before he realizes what he's doing Pick up a gal there, mr castle ;) Weird way to answer the phone ("for castle press one")

Brought a coffee : ) Castle & his poker group (won't clip) (except he walks into the wall & that was funny) Ah cyanide. I had a cyanide interest one. Mm the coffee bitterness could hide the cyanide bitterness. (read a fic once where someone used almond flavoured coffee, or almond milk or smth)

Dirtbag trifecta XD clipping this (& getting their outfits) Oh outfit update: Espt: leather jacket, lapels as usual, collared shirt underneath with zippered breast pockets, badge on neck, no tie. Ryan: brown overcoat, grey vest (I think), lighter, warm purply grey dress shirt, red tie. Maybe it's a blue dress shirt. That was my initual thought but it's so warm. & it is also patterned, not with ink I think but with texture. Becks: Red coat (tho I think it a different coat than the one we've seen her in before), scarf, other stuff under that which I cannot see due to the scarf but I see how her shirt's buttons are on a white lining & tbh it's kinda ugly. Castle: His usual. Blue shirt. Black jacket. Looks nice & dark too, not the usual technically-grey-but-we-call-it-black black. I mean it is technically grey but shush.

Heck yeah don't let your client speak to people

Good on the son for stopping the dad.

Lot of camera time. Love the way ryan said that & his outfit & there's just smth abt his cadence & tone & how much he lets his voice vibrate What was that "oh you do?" thing? He's a detective, ofc he got an apb out.

Second chances, but not fifth chances, I respect that. Man also has a decent outfit. Having watched this episode, I notice. Brother: He looked out for people. *eye contact just for a sec but I felt it*

(I don't rly know what to clip...) I'm marked for death, man!

Ugh. Big scary black guy we get it shut up bro. I liked you at first. Now you're just annoying & repeating that right in front of LT, a tall, black, intimidating cop Oh would you look at that chance. Weird how they just have TVs in the corners like that. & ryan can just easily pull up the footage to that exact moment? He might have had it bookmarked ig... Calls him cousin wardell lmao killer cup of joe that was great that was great

I mean yeah (the juror badges on their shirts might be a hint) He's not wrong tho rich powerful white friends can feel safe Yep, this man has a point

gsp tracked her phone with precinct supplies? Yuck. oh nvm with an app This is why I always have my location off. Mr app man. & be justified! He's right I guess... (remember this for s7)

She says it's cyanide laced but then says it isn't? Weird way to phrase it. He died approximately one hour after taking the meds, maybe he took em at 8.07 not 8.13 exactly. True, but that doesn't necessarily mean the killer is a woman

(Clipping this) KR: Isn't every murder a tragedy? esposito implied backstory moments (we will see in abt two seasons) Why's he quoting sum kinda poetry? Is that Shakespeare? JE, looking at him, eyebrows crunched: Bro u'r not castle KR: Yeah I know I'm not castle JE: Then stop trying to talk like him KR: What, I'm not allowed to reference the bard? (so yes shaksp) (door creaks & blows; they draw their guns) KR: I'm a renaissance man (sure bestie) JE: Memorizing one quote does not make you a renaissance man. (reminds me of that scene in stranger things where Steve just Can't quote sherlock holmes) KR: What if I memorized two? (No... No babe) JE: Have you? Memorized two? KR: No (AFSDJKH) but what if I did? (BRO I DON'T THINK THAT'S HOW IT WORKS also u called yourself a renaissance man & you're quoting "the bard" but you only know one? I mean I love it but dang what is even going on?) JE: KR: *nods upwards at the door* (me: sjhfksjdhjh) JE: Depends on the quote *opens door* (ok I'd like to point out that these two are just having a conversation while assuming someone is back there & waiting to shoot them. Or maybe they're conversing so that the person back there doesn't realize they're onto him.) & then this guy comes running out & Ryan flips him over his shoulder like a wrestling takedown but actually it's more like what my parents used to do for swing dancing except insted of landing on her feet, he fell on the ground; & ryan stretches his neck after that stunt. But Guns Don't Make Sounds When You Flail Them Around

my man looks a bit like marcus gates tbh

They tested Every Capsule So tru bestie. Ex-con instincts. I hear the cops & I hide. I like this man. I also looove their outfits. Ryan's hair is so spikey. they are so in synch.

I did it I did it I did it! You killed him? Oh my god no! I love her

sad that the clerk doesn't have the money for rent. I love her XD

Ooh Captain's tie! Purple, patterned but quiet.

Castle say "I have connections" not "a friend went there" She looks so much younger back in this season tbh, she's so baby. I think lack of eyeliner is part of it. Don't reveal your hand. Say you trust her. Say you trust her. Ask her to trust you too, tell her you won't be mad. Say you are concerned & you want her to tell you, you don't want to pry. (Cool dads don't pry.) ok but now he knows you took the train there & bought something with your bank card. Technically I would have to be the government to do that.

Beckett is so right. It doesn't matter to alexis if what he did was so wrong.

is it at all possible? YES! did I know anything? NO! At least he asks the son/brother for confirmation.

Karnacki. Lou Karnacki. District attorney.

Ew I remember this episode now. This DA thing. Once. Today.

Ew idk if this outfit is ok or if ryan's yellow tie is just straight up ugly. I can't tell. Brown jacket, nice dark-ish somewhat desaturated green, yellow tie. Plus a little irish flag. (oh fun story, yesterday I was driving with my mom bc I was volunteering at her work & I saw a flag, it was hanging oddly so I couldn't tell if it was the flag of india or ireland. I said this out loud & then mum asked if I had used hand sanitizer. "Why?" 'because it smells like alcohol in here' & then I looked out the window & the building with the flag & in big fancy writing on the side surrounded by art it said: Irish Centre of [City]. Actually I fudged the timeline a bit but this is basically what happened.) & esposito's outfit is like smth I would wear at home. It is not a shirt I'd wear to work. Nice long sleeves, blue, buttons but no collar. Castle's blue shirt actually has red on it castle & his apps XD My man needs a real magnifying glass not just an app. XD clipping this three reasons thing JE: Nice. *smacks castle's shoulder* RC: Ah JE: Sorry. *pats his shoulder gently*

Maybe he just thought it was fun to be part of the jury of a murder he did. Maybe he'll make a habit of killing ppl & serving on their juries

12 angry men was a great show.

he is the victim AND suspect but FOR DIFFERENT MURDERS Six degrees of separation bro

You found the phone or CSU found the phone? KR, in a secretary voice: District attorney's office uwu

Oh I love Dawn. Second time he's in the precinct, & all for this Girl u probably should speak in a more polite tone just to preserve his ego. Lou DA man chill tf out (the camera-ing is good) I agree you should have told him but I'm glad you didn't bc it revealed stuff abt him.

Sorry my little bro is playing portal two & I've been listening to him & I just died when wheatley said "I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall" bc he literally just breaks it down.

Castle is sure holding that coffee weird. So Beckett can pick it up. KB: Yes? *smiles a bit* I like castle's ampersand.

At least this man has a lawyer. Auto theft, not murder. So valid. that bad boy was all the way back My dad is 6'5" my mom is 5'4", switching car seats sucked. The ONLY prints they found were his? sus. (sherlock holmes: the hardest part to see is the thing that is not there. or smth like that idk)

Yes otherwise we'd just be looking for tall people.

playing cards in the foreground Yes communication & apologies & alexis being pretty & hold on he has naked heat as a background? Mum said u put stuff u care abt there (my old phone had a lockscreen & background of unus annus) & then mum showed the pic of my brothers & me uwu. *mumbling* yw wr shhplhftng? Girl your friends went shoplifting? They're kids, they're girls who go to a good school why would they do that? For the thrill of it? I'm glad you're telling ur dad but maybe don't talk about this in the police station. & hey, it was very smart of you to leave the money & the note to rectify the wrong without implicating your friends or getting anyone arrested. Good on you. (Except u'r not the one who should have paid for it.) Oh & rick definitely shoplifted as a kid. She's not going to narc on them & heck yeah rick, angry & proud. Judged by the company you keep Girl don't make a promise u can't keep. Gives him a little pat before leaving.

WAIT FEELING RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE FRIENDS YOU KEEP A PLOT B PLOT

I don't think I'll clip that thing with alexis

Only two sets of prints? Not Lyla's? It's the DA isn't it

Ah the brother of the juror. So valid bestie. The b plot parallels. Little trust fund baby thinks he's so gangster until they hit a pothole. Yeah we should abolish guns. If u want to fight, use your hands. Well that's what happened! They did think it was auto theft!

What just happened with the captain? (btw sometimes they need to open up their aperture or.. close it.. idk. they need to make things all focused, not some sharp others hella blurred)

Lmao it's the booze from the old haunt episode! In Court, don't ask a question you don't Know the answer to. Yeah well politics & cops. It's like when brackenreid put away a criminal but for the wrong crime. Also this guy legit goes by lou? I p much exclusively go by my nickname but if I had a nameplate in my office it would have my full name (tho my nametag at work is my nickname) Isn't that illegal? to record like that?

Who is this rando? Is that the brother? Doesn't look like the DA. Oh wait it's Stephen. The brother of lyla. Oof, I feel bad for Montgomery. I feel like we could have seen castle playing poker with him lol, the da, the judge, the mayor, & the captain. "Your boss, your boss's boss, & the one who signs your warrants." & knowing the future pieces of this season, I see montgomery talking. All the good he's done, even tho he messed up. Montgomery is technically talking about his friend & colleague, Lou the DA. For those of us that have seen the series? Mm.

Castle fishing for a date XD I love when beckett puts on her coat & then takes it out again. It's times like this I remember I used to call myself a lesbian.

Yeah good episode. & great foreshadowing.

[macgyvermedical]

Writing/cranky at my DM question: how would you care for a patient presenting with disorientation (confusion about year, where they are, and who you are as the treating professional; though no visible or reported head injuries, may be intoxicated) and a foot long, though no deeper than the subcutaneous tissue, animal slash across the chest? Particularly if patient is protesting removal of clothing and is struggling with you nonviolently (squirming, turning away, pleading with you to stop). No MRI or modern sophisticated testing equipment is available, nor are topical analgesics; sutures, antibiotics, and ingestible painkillers (laudanum, opium-based kinds of things) are accessible. You do have coworkers available to you, and restraints if needed. I'd appreciate if you'd let me know how you'd approach bedside manner here, too! Thank you!

Well, the most concerning thing going on here is the disorientation, so I'd want to figure that out the best I could. I'd also want to do a detailed primary and secondary assessment to determine everything else that was wrong with the patient before determining what order things should be treated in. I have described these assessments in other posts.

As for the wriggling around- mostly you'd just want to remind the person who you are, that you are a friend, that you are trying to help, and given them some time to calm down if nothing looks like it's immediately going to kill them (which from what you describe nothing does).

Then once I'd done my assessments I'd want to figure out that disorientation piece.

The following is a list of common problems that can cause a change in mental status:

Alcohol/Substance Abuse/Overdose

Acidosis (metabolic or respiratory problems causing a buildup of acid in the blood)

Blood Sugar (high or low)

Environmental Injury (hypo or hyperthermia, dehydration)

Epilepsy (or another seizure disorder)

Electrolytes (high or low sodium, calcium, potassium, etc....)

Infection (sepsis, high fever, or a brain infection)

Oxygen (low blood oxygen concentration)

Psychogenic (psychogenic seizures, psychosis)

Poisons

Stroke

Shock

Trauma

Uremia (kidney dysfunction)

Noting that the following is not comprehensive, you can somewhat narrow it down using a few simple tests:

Taking only vital signs that you can do without equipment (pulse, respiration, capillary refill, skin temperature/color/moisture) you can say if it is likely that the person is in shock (high pulse, long cap refill, sweaty pale mottled skin). If the pulse is irregular it may point to an electrolyte cause. If the person has a seizure disorder or known blood sugar problem it is more likely to be that (people with high blood sugar are typically thirsty and hot, low blood sugar cold, irritable, and sweaty). If the person is breathing very deeply it is more likely to be acidosis of some kind.

Where the person was when the mental status changes started may allude to hypothermia or hyperthermia depending on how hot or cold it was. If the symptoms resolve quickly after removal from a particular environment or the person is having trouble breathing (breathing quickly or shallowly, showing retractions (the skin pulls in around the ribs) may point to oxygen deprivation as the cause.

If they have a psych history, I'd also consider psychosis as a possibility. Poisons have a lot of different manifestations, but things like carbon monoxide ("cherry" red appearance to skin), cyanide (bluish skin and *may* smell like fake almond flavor), phosgene (smells like musty hay), opioids (pinpoint pupils), and acetaminophen (acute liver failure and jaundice) have some characteristic symptoms.

For uremia you wouldn't necessarily be able to tell unless you recorded urine output- if not a lot is coming out, there's either a kidney problem (kidney infection, kidney failure- especially if accompanied by electrolyte problems and swelling), or severe dehydration (accompanied by thirst, headache, nausea, malaise).

Treating these things is a whole other matter and beyond the scope of this post.

Then of course you also mentioned your DM, so also possibly magic of some kind?

Basically, don't really try to fight the patient- you can do a lot of this later. The goal is to figure out what the most pressing issues are, treat them if necessary, and then later figure out the chest situation.

As far as the cut on the chest, it would need cleaned very well with clean water. It does not have to be sterile, but definitely something your characters would be comfortable drinking.

If it was gaping less than about a centimeter and less than a centimeter deep, you can close it with a non-occlusive closure. Something like strips of tape laid perpendicular to the cut, butterfly bandages, or other closures that hold the skin together but still let drainage out, then put a soft clean cloth or bandage over the area to prevent re-dirtying it.

If it was larger than this, your characters could take long strips of cloth, wet them with clean water, and pack them into the wounds. Cover these with clean dressings or cloth. They will wick out drainage and remaining debris and help the wound close from the bottom up. Change about once a day, more if drainage is copious.

Here is a post with more on improvised wound dressing. I have absolutely written several posts on packing wounds but none are coming up right now or I'd link them.

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

Dr. Eugene Lazowski

Eugeniusz ���Eugene” Lazowski was born in 1913 in Częstochowa, Poland. In 1940, he received his medical degree. During the second war, he was serving as a  Polish Army Second Lieutenant on a Red Cross train, then as a military doctor in the Home Army, the main Polish resistance group.

His focus was on medical care, and during much of the conflict he worked for the Polish Red Cross in the town of Rozwadow. As a Catholic, Lazowski risked death at the hands of the Nazis for helping his Jewish neighbors on multiple occasions.

Lazowski provided medical care for his Jewish neighbors in Rozwadow.  The area had devised a system where if a Jewish resident needed medical assistance they would hang a rag on Lazowski's fence and then Lazowski would make a house-call to their residence under the cover of darkness.  Lazowski's medical oath required him to help people in need and his moral fiber compelled him to not think of race or religion when providing medical assistance.  In order to avoid having his Jewish neighbors and friends shipped off to Nazi concentration camps, with the assistance of fellow Polish medical professional Stanislav Matulewicz Lazowski began experimenting with bacteria injections.  The pair discovered that if you inject someone with a vaccine containing dead Epidemic Typhus, they will in fact test positive for the disease.  Although the patient would test positive, there would be no adverse effects of the illness and if questioned the patient could in theory fake the symptoms.  Because the Nazis knew that typhus was deadly they would not bother deporting anyone to a concentration camp who tested positive.  After injecting many Jews and non-Jews in the ghetto of Rozwadow and the surrounding area, the German government quickly became alarmed and ordered a quarantine of the area.

The Nazi army was very health-conscious and did not deport any more people from that quarantine zone, fearing a widespread infection.  This quarantine and the injections saved over 8,000 people from deportation to the Nazi death camps, yet Eugene Lazowski remained humble about his role in the war until his death.

Łazowski was well aware of the risks he was taking by creating a fake typhus epidemic.  He always carried a cyanide pill with him in the event he was captured.  In late 1943, the Gestapo became suspicious.  The Gestapo knew that Łazowski had been treating members of the resistance but had decided to keep him alive in order to contain the typhus “epidemic.”  When Łazowski learned about what the Gestapo knew about him, he escaped Rozwadów with his family.

After the war, Łazowski continued to live in Poland, which came under communist rule in 1948. Fearing retaliation from former collaborators, he never spoke of what he had done in Rozwadów as long as he remained in Poland.  In 1960, with the help of a Rockefeller Foundation Scholarship, Łazowski emigrated to the United States. In 1976 he became a professor of pediatrics at the University of Illinois Medical Center. He published over a hundred research papers in Polish and English.

In 1998, Łazowski contacted 17-year-old film major Ryan Bank about making a documentary (“A Private War”) about Łazowski ’s story.  The project included a 16-day trip to Poland—Łazowski ’s first trip back to Poland in more than 50 years—that included a joyful reunion with villagers from Rozwadów.  Bank said of Łazowski: "He said he took an oath as a doctor to help people, and the oath didn't differentiate among people.  There was no option for him, there was no thought process about ‘Should I or shouldn't I.’”

Dr. Łazowski ’s parents were also Holocaust-era rescuers.  His father, Kazimierz Łazowski, and mother, Zofia Łazowska, hid Jewish families in their home in Warsaw.

according to his daughter he had never told his wife about the fake epidemic.  His wife Maria died in 1996 and Lazowski passed away at age 92 on December 16, 2006 in Eugene, Oregon where he had been living with his daughter for 3 years due to his failing health.

https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/dr-eugene-lazowski

https://chge.uni.edu/lazowski

[justthatpratte]

Foraging and Cultivation: How to Eat the Weeds Without Bugging the Bees

All photos in this article are taken by me. You can view my gallery here.

Here's some information for adventurous eaters.

Some people are understandably wary about eating foods that they can't get from a grocery store. Between concerns about animal feces and pesticides to stories about mushroom poisoning and death, we can all agree that it's not wise to just go outside, grab a healthy-looking berry, and shove it down your gullet. There is a right way to forage, and as a foraging veteran, I'm going to take you through some of the most important information you need to start your own foraging journey.

❁❀✿✾

The Universal Edibility Test

The first, and maybe most important, thing I want to talk about is, of course, how to avoid poisoning or death. Even if what you eat is not inherently poisonous, you can also be allergic to things it would never occur to a doctor to test you for. So, let's discuss best practices for gathering wild plants to prevent injury/death. Luckily, those who came before you have developed a great process for not getting killed while foraging.

Note that this is NOT a safe method for testing the edibility of mushrooms, which are much more difficult to identify and require a lot of study and experience. I may write another article regarding mushroom foraging at a later date, but it's very dangerous so for the purposes of this article, we are only going to discuss plants.

Pink springbank clovers are a tasty and vivid addition to a fresh salad.

"The U.S. Army created the Universal Edibility Test to help soldiers identify poisonous vs. edible plants while out in the field. The test is a standard in the U.S. Army Survival Field Manual ATP 3-50.21, and it appears in the SAS Survival Handbook written by former British Army officer and survival expert John Wisemen." - From GreenBelly.co

❁❀✿✾

The "Universal Edibility Test" is, as the name suggests, a method for determining the safety of consuming a plant you are unfamiliar with. Here is a very good, simple explanation of the way test works, via Backpacker:

1. Separate the plant into its various parts—roots, stems, leaves, buds, and flowers. Focus on only one piece of the plant at a time. 2. Smell it. A strong, unpleasant odor is a bad sign, as is a musty or rotting odor. Keep a special lookout for pear- or almond-like scents, which can be evidence of cyanide. 3. Test for contact poisoning by placing a piece of the plant on your inner elbow or wrist for 8 hours. If your skin burns, itches, feels numb, or breaks out in a rash, wash off your skin and don’t eat the plant. 4. If the plant passes the skin test, prepare a small portion the way you plan to eat it (boiling is always a good bet). 5. Before taking a bite, touch the plant to your lips to test for burning or itching. If there’s no reaction after 15 minutes, take a small bite, chew it, and hold it in your mouth for 15 minutes. If the plant tastes very bitter or soapy, spit it out and wash out your mouth. 6. If there’s no reaction in your mouth, swallow the bite and wait 8 hours. If there’s no ill effect, you can assume this part of the plant is edible. 7. Repeat the test for other parts of the plant; some plants have both edible and inedible parts. Starting to feel sick? Time to bring it up.

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Plant Identification

I would also like to add that if you are unsure of the species of plant you are about to eat, make sure you keep some of it in case you need to have it identified in order to get treatment. Additionally, always have a friend or family member check on you after eating something unfamiliar or questionable so they can call an ambulance or poison control if necessary. Follow the instructions of medical personnel and do not try to induce vomiting or drink water or milk to dilute poison unless advised by a medical professional. Keep updated medical information in your wallet on your person for emergency personnel to reference.

A good identification photo contains as much detail about the plant as possible, including the shape/texture of the leaves, the flowers, stems, and fruit.

Of course, and as the article points out, the single best way to avoid poisoning is to make a positive ID on the plant before consuming it. Plant identification is a challenging skill, but one that is very fun to learn. Some plants look different depending on the season. Some look poisonous, but are perfectly safe. Some may just give you a stomachache or taste awful. Others might look gross, but taste quite good. I'll provide some examples of good eats that are common and easy to identify at the bottom of this article.

How should you go about identifying a plant, though? There are a lot of ways to do it. For my part, I recommend getting a second opinion as often as possible. Take a picture of every part of the plant; the leaves, flowers if there are any, and the roots. Take note of the color of the sap. The more mature a plant is, the easier it is to identify. Share the pictures on a platform such as iNaturalist to get opinions and identification assistance from experts in the field. You can also view thousands of pictures of plants, look up the species commonly found near you, and find out which plants are invasive and which are native to your area. Pl@ntNet is another similar platform. You can also download mobile apps to identify plants on the go. iNat has a particularly good one.

From there, it's pretty easy to Google the name of the plant + edibility. If the answer is 'yes', please make sure you confirm which parts of the plant are edible. It is common for some parts to be edible and for others to be inedible/poisonous, as with some nightshades (where the fruit or root is edible, but the leaves and stems are not; ex: potatoes, tomatoes). The USDA Natural Resources Conservation Service provides this very informative guide. Masterclass also provides a handy checklist for plant identification.

In general, to positively ID a plant with the most possible accuracy, you need to make a note/take a picture of these things:

The location and season in which you found the plant.

Any distinct characteristics on stalks and branches.

The size, shape, and arrangement of the leaves.

The characteristics of any fruits and flowers on the plant.

Any barbs or hairs on the plant, known as trichomes.

The root system, needed to determine if the plant grows from rhizomes, bulbs, or tubers.

Get a second and third opinion whenever possible. With time and practice, you'll start to notice the otherwise subtle differences between many kinds of plants, and you'll learn about some surprising relationships between them.

❁❀✿✾

Ethical Foraging Guidelines

Of course, just because we've found a tasty weed outside doesn't mean we should run out and pick every instance of it we find. There is an ethical--and, importantly, legal--way to forage. If we just go around picking every plant in the hopes of eating it, we're robbing wildlife of their meals. Many pollinating species of bees, beetles, and butterflies rely on specific plants for eating and hosting their eggs, so we need to minimize how much of that we take from them. The USDA NRCS also has a good guide for protecting pollinators when farming and landscaping, but the rules are a bit different when it comes to foraging, since we're going into their habitats and messing with things rather than the other way around.

When foraging, it is important to be considerate of pollinators that help the plants we eat grow and propagate.

First and foremost, learn about your local environment. You can learn a lot about your area using this handy tool from the US Environmental Protection Agency.

Next, learn from the experts by asking staff at local regional and state parks about the legality and availability of foraging foods. Many have free educational events and classes that explore the subject and help you broaden your understanding of the environment in general. You can pick up a lot of good local wisdom from these events. If you do not have access to these services, however, you can also do some online classes here, here, and here.

Plan ahead. Chart a course and make sure you have everything you need. I always bring water, a small cooler, a pair of sharp, clean plant shears, a spade, a pocket knife, a small garbage bag for cleaning up litter, and an extra battery for my camera. Dress appropriately for the weather. Make sure your phone is charged and people know where you are and when to worry if they don't hear from you. Carrying bear spray on you doesn't hurt either, although do please remember to consider the direction of the wind so you don't accidentally spray yourself instead.

Do your due diligence in identifying the plant and investigating its status before just picking it. Ideally, you should choose a couple of species you already know to be edible and just pick those while you are out. It is wasteful and damaging to the environment to pick plants you don't recognize, only to find out you've pulled a rare native plant that certain species rely on to survive.

Harvest conservatively. Take only what you are certain you will eat, because every plant you take means many meals fewer will be available for local wildlife.

Leave the place better than you found it. If you notice trash, pick it up and dispose of it in the proper receptacles. Do not litter, do not attempt to alter the landscape (chopping down trees, burning or clearing "undesirable" plants, taking rocks, etc.), do not disturb dens or nests, and don't drive or walk off of the path. Soil compaction is a real thing.

Know the law regarding what is legal to pick and where it is legal to pick from. Some state and regional parks only allow foraging at certain times, and many do not allow it at all.

Devon Young goes into a little more detail on Learning Herbs.

❁❀✿✾

Transplanting Wild Edibles

When it comes to ethical foraging though, perhaps the single most ethical thing you can do is just grow these plants yourself. You can easily order seeds online that you can plant and grow in a pot or in your yard. Some of them are quite beautiful and most are very easy to grow. If you don't want to order them online, consider collecting seeds instead, but please remember to limit what you take so that the plants are able to properly propagate in the wild. You can learn how to harvest seeds from this article by Michigan State University.

I strongly encourage anybody interested in foraging to

It is also possible to transplant weeds. You may find a weed you like on a neighbor's lawn, and with their permission, you can dig it up and plant it in your own yard. Here's a cool video from Youtube that shows you how to do just that.

Avoid doing this with weeds from parks and other wild areas, however, because the further the plants have to travel before they are planted the less likely they are to survive, and that is wasteful. If you bring a pot and some soil, they may travel longer if you replant them right away.

Also, do be aware of the environment you are taking them from, as you obviously do not want to eat any plants that have been serving as a neighborhood dog or cat's latrine. A good place to take them from is your own backyard, provided you follow the above guidelines. Gathering and growing seeds wild circumvent this issue.

Always wash plants thoroughly before consumption. That will also help you avoid accidentally consuming any bugs.

❁❀✿✾

And that's it! That's how you can forage and eat adventurously without making a mess and disrupting your environment.

If you're from the east bay area/northern California, I can share some of my favorite weeds to eat.

Broadleaved Pepperweed

Bull Thistle

Cobwebby Thistle

Common Chickweed

Creeping Woodsorrel (limit due to oxalic acids)

Crane's Bill/Wild Geraniums

Fireweed

Hairy/Purple Vetch

Miner's Lettuce

Wild Mustard

Wild Radish

You can even find some recipes here.

Enjoy responsibly. ❁❀✿✾

[mutilxtedd]

Conga in the middle of nowhere

Demo runs away from mass murder

Spy murders my medick and does a gay ass walk

A sniper and pyro beat me up

Silly

And some more silly screenshots the last one is awfully familiar to a certain image

[deer-trees]

A list of Addams Family headcanons that I keep thinking abt and need to put somewhere

-The entire family is fluent in American Sign Language not only for Thing's sake, but also for Lurch who uses it occasionally when he goes non-verbal. On occasion he will be too agitated or stressed to do anything but groan, but it's still more comfortable for him to have as a backup.

-Pugsley is constantly getting mail from the U.S military trying to recruit him to engineer explosives for them despite the fact that he is a child. He makes plenty of explosives, but he never sends them once they're finished. He uses it to blow up the recruitment letters. Fester helps.

-Lurch's bedroom is incredibly cramped to minimize restlessness and prevent him from sleepwalking too far at night. He used to sleep in what is now Gomez's office, but the room was so large and so easy to move in that he gathered enough sleepwalking momentum to break down the door and crash through the entire house. He now sleeps very soundly in his coffin-like room in the attic with a nice weighted blanket.

-The family actually enjoys foods colored black with activated charcoal, but only because it makes it so easy for them to ingest poison and then flush it out immediately afterwards. Medical professionals have advised against doing this without calling poison control, but they seem to survive every time anyway.

-The family had a very clear understanding of their family tree at one point, but a common April fools prank in their household consisted of someone going into each book documenting their history and changing it ever so slightly. It has now happened so many times that even those with a perfect memory of their past occasionally get confused about whose side of the family someone belongs on.

-Thing was once attached to a larger body, and it is buried somewhere near the house. Nobody remembers where, least of all Thing. He has since gotten used to sensing miniscule changes in vibrations with his fingertips and palm, which is how he hears and sees without eyes or ears.

-Lurch has had so many injuries and surgeries throughout his life that his skin is mostly scar tissue at this point. This has left him with a bit of nerve damage. When he does feel physical sensations, they're deep in his muscles and bones, but it's difficult for him to sense things like temperature or the prick of a needle since his skin is so thick.

-Wednesday collects apple seeds. Most people outside of the family think this is a somewhat odd but cute hobby, but she is trying to build a large enough collection to create a homemade lethal dose of cyanide. Grandmama is proud of her for learning how to cook.

[cybernaght]

The Rebel/叛逆者: A Review of Sorts

After being only semi-invested in the Rebel, I ended up getting so into it in the final weeks of its release, I’ve shelled out on IQIYI premium just to get the final couple of episodes a few days earlier.

That’s right kids, it’s a Review of Sorts. Unfortunately, I could not find a translation of the novella the drama is based on, so will be looking at it as a separate entity. 

Most of this post is spoiler-free, however I have dedicated a few paragraphs at the end of it to discussing the final episode, as there are a few specific things about it I wanted to mention. There is a clear spoiler warning before that part.

If you don’t want to risk it, TL;DR version of this review goes something like this: Rebel is very decent, and positively one of the best things that I have seen to come out of China since I’ve jumped into that particular rabbit hole. It’s pretty well written, it’s very beautifully dressed and shot, and the cast is killing it. I thought it dropped the ball a little in post production, and I did not always love the pacing. Other than that, it’s incredibly decent, and well worth watching, unless communist propaganda really irks you, in which case stay very well away. 

I have been having many conversations with @supernovasimplicity​ all the way through watching this drama, so there are likely to be some thoughts here that are influenced by those. 

The story centers around Lin Nansheng, a struggling servicemen in the Guomingdang party. He has a great analytical mind, and absolutely no emotional capacity for his job. He has trouble handling violence, he is impulsive, he cannot speak to his superiors without bursting into tears, and has nothing even remotely resembling a poker face. And that is what makes this drama as enjoyable as it is. 

I don’t think Lin Nansheng’s journey would have been nearly as exciting had he started it from a place of competence. He botches up everything he touches because his big brain switches off the moment his emotions kick in. And so, when you see him grow in confidence, learn to control himself, learn to fake his smiles and compliments, you can’t help but feel a strange sense of pride. It also makes Lin Nansheng very likeable as a character for reasons other than Zhu Yilong’s ability to look like a bush baby.

It did take me a while to feel fully engaged with his performance - not because there is anything lacking in it, but just because it’s hard to be truly surprised by his choices after the exposure I have given myself to his work. That said, at about a half-way point I got charmed by him anyway, and there were quite a few scenes that were truly mesmerising. There were scenes where he broke out of the familiar mould of big unguarded eyes and fluttering wet eyelashes, and tried something that was not pretty: every time to a great success. I am hoping to see more of that in his future work. 

I really wanted to like the female lead, Zhu Yizhen, but unfortunately both the way she was written and the way she was performed by Tong Yao left me somewhat cold. It did not help of course that the screenplay ended up sidelining her at every turn, leaving her with very little personal agency. She was set up so interestingly, but in the end her sole purpose became being someone for Lin Nansheng to pine over. It is particularly curious from a perspective of meta storytelling: seeing how this is all centered around superiority of communism, which as a whole was, arguably, ahead of its time in the matters of binary gender equality.

The ensemble cast of the drama is stunning. Wang Yang came very close to  stealing the show at several points as Chen Moqun, somehow managing to make his rather unlikeable character interesting. I can say the same thing about Zhu Zhu who absolutely shined as Lin Xinjie, showing an incredible range and imagination in her performance.

The overarching story of the show is engaging, with some incredibly suspenseful elements; every narrative arc including a nice progression through it. As spy thrillers go, it was fairly well plotted. You could if you go looking for a few things that did not pay off in a satisfying way (notably, the Chekhov’s cyanide capsule), but you overall the story really was well told for the most of it. 

I did, however, feel like the pacing started to fall apart in the last quarter of the drama. Last episode in particular really did feel rushed, not just due to its pace, but also in a way it failed to pay off the final mission in any visible way. There will be more on that in the spoiler section of this post.

Important to note that The Rebel is a show made in Communist China in the year 2021. It does not ideologically side-step from the path that was laid out for it by that fact. Which is to say, it is, undeniably, filled with propaganda. Communists are the good guys, and if you think a good guy (or gal) is not a communist, they probably secretly are. With one exception of a friendly character who is not a communist, and whose fate we actually never find out. Curious, that. 

The Rebel is not a kind of a show where censorship-appeasing scenes are shoehorned in. It’s a kind of a show in which the main theme is Sacrifice For the Party.

Aside from the being the moral vector of the show, Mao’s gentle teachings explicitly help get Ling Nansheng out of prolonged depression following his injury, and almost annoyingly, this sat incredibly well with the character, as he was written. Lin Nansheng is conceived as this naive idealist who wants to be on the front line, who needs validation and support of others. His - and I can’t believe I’m saying this - his being disillusioned in his beliefs and choosing to join a party which includes people whom he likes and trusts makes sense. Him finding this one thing that gives him hope and letting it propel him into gaining confidence and competence makes sense. 

In many ways, the Rebel is a story of Lin Nansheng’s failure to become an antagonist within the world of the drama.

I have honestly spent this past couple of weeks pondering whether being well written makes political propaganda better or worse, whether the subtlety of it makes it more or less palatable, whether it’s enough, as a viewer, to be aware of it to shrug it off. Ultimately, this is not something I could or should make moral judgements on, but I do believe that it’s possible to acknowledge the fact that propaganda exists in the drama, and still appreciate it for a good piece of television that it is. 

That said, I am very well aware that me being kind of okay with it stems entirely from my own removal from the culture this is made in, and I am, perhaps, lucky to even have a choice as to whether I want to engage with a product which is, undoubtably, here to dress political ideology in fancy clothes.

I have, on the other hand, also seen many things in Russian media of the “Annexation of Crimea is Good Actually” variety and those make me feel very unwell, so feeling somewhat at ease with blatant political propaganda in Chinese media makes me the biggest hypocrite.

But, I digress.

Before we go into some specific plot-related things, I would like to mention that the Rebel has this weird dichotomy in which the production is sublime, and the post-production… not so much. The show very well shot. Every element of it sits perfectly together, not a single prop out of place, not a single extra underdressed, not a page of script not put to good use. It’s lit to perfection. It’s scored beautifully. So much of this show is just stunning.

And then… there is post-production. 

This is not even about bad CGI (and the CGI is, indeed, bad), it’s just that most of post-production as a whole feels rushed.

Starting with surprisingly imperfect editing, which at times just fails to make the scene flow together. The final line of dialogue would be spoken within a scene, and it would fade to black instantly without a single breath to indicate a full stop. A montage sequence would be created, but every shot within it condensed to a second, making it feel incredibly fast-paced when the effect should be the opposite. There would be a cut away from a speaking character and to the same speaking character from a slightly different angle, making it dynamic without any reason to do so. There are a couple of truly startling jump-cuts.

I did not speed this gif up. This is part of a romantic montage, edited like it’s a goddamn action sequence.

And of course dear old friend slowing down footage shot at 24FPS. Please don’t do this. You think no one notices - but we do.

There are other tell-tale signs of production rushing to the finish line: occasional, but very noticeable ADR glitches, very sloppy job done at sound mixing, which contribute to parts of the show feeling ever so slightly off.

It’s not unforgivable, but it does make me wish the same amount of care and efforts that went into shooting this drama would also go into it after it was all in the can. 

Oh, and just because if you know me you know I have a professional fixation on fights, and I am happy to say most action scenes are toe-curlingly delightful. Hot damn those fights are good. I am absolutely in love with the shot below, for example. Placing an actor behind a piece of set so he can exchange places with the stunt double during a one shot is such an old trick, but the execution, timing and camerawork are just... flawless. This is what perfection looks like.

Now we got all that out of the way...

SPOILERS FOR THE SERIES FINALE BELOW

Here’s the thing. I wanted to love the ending and I found that I could not.

The final mission was presented as important, and honestly the scene in which Zhu Yizhen is sending the vital message out as Lin Nansheng holds his ground in hand to hand fight is incredibly dynamic. Party, this is due to the fight itself being incredibly well choreographed, yes, but it’s also where it sits within the narrative, how high the stakes are for everything surrounding it. 

But then, the tension all but bleeds out. The Important Message is sent, the fight is won, and we are treated to ten minutes of a very slow car chase, problem of which is not even its speed as much as its placing within the story. As in, by this point both of those operatives have lost their cover, and completed their Very Important Mission. It would be very sad if they died, but their survival does not technically contribute to their cause. Moreover, Zhu Yizhen getting mortally injured in order to protect Lin Nansheng as part of her mission read a little empty when the mission is technically over. 

While I personally found Lin Nansheng slow recuperation and his low key ending enjoyable, I think I would have preferred to have seen a more tangible pay-off to all the sacrifices made in the name of “bright communist future”, just a little more justification for every moment of death and despair we witnessed. I would have certainly at the very least preferred to see Wang Shi’an’s death on screen. Considering how many likeable characters martyred themselves on screen, denying us the death of the one antagonist just seemed cruel. 

I really did love the ambiguity of the final few scenes however, if we consider the children choir at the end a fantasy. The idea that Lin Nansheng will live out his life in this hope that Zhu Yizhen is still alive, imagining her just outside of his field of vision, his only joy being in this fantasy of her… now, that is incredibly strong. I equally like the idea of rest being promised to him at the end of his journey, and said rest being painful, and slow and unwelcome.

But it felt like as they chose not to to lean into the “sweet” part of the bitter-sweet tone of the ending and we’re unable not commit to the “bitter” part either, so it lands with a splat which is somewhat lacklustre. 

---

This concludes my thoughts on the Rebel. 

I am more or less out of Zhu Yilong’s filmography to watch, which is probably a good thing at this point. I have just emerged out of several back to back work projects - literally today - and will hopefully once more have time for things I grew to enjoy doing during the lockdown. 

Those things, if you have not guessed, include watching Chinese television and writing things about Chinese television. 

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[monsoonblooms12]

Detectives By Chance: Chapter 4- Seeking and Chasing

A/N: Hi, how is everyone doing💫💛? I finally completed the 4th chapter, phew. I am really sorry for the delay, It has been some time ( a month to be precise). But I hope that you enjoy reading this💛. Thank you for all the love that you have given the earlier chapters and I love you all very much 💛

Thank you so very much @ohramsey​ for everything. I love you x infinite and I will miss you so much😭🤍❤

Series Summary: It was supposed to be a usual weekend for the four. Coffee, fun, friends and love. But an unexpected case changed their lives in a way they had never imagined. A mystery - a murder - many secrets… Will Ethan, Pooja, Alexandra and Mark, be able to survive? Or will the circumstances twist and break their lives forever?

Pairing: Ethan × f!MC (Dr. Pooja Sharma)

Disclaimer: PB owns most of the characters. I only own the OCs and my MC.

Word count: 2.3K 

Triggers: Mentions of blood, murder

For Ethan and Pooja, a mutual day off was once in a blue moon thing. So whenever they had one, they would put the world out of their mind and remain engrossed in each other.

And now, after getting a cherished day off for the first time in at least one and a half months, they were sitting here scrutinizing the clues they had assembled from the crime scene.

They sat down on the couch, opened their laptops and kept auxiliary notebooks with them to note any admissible details they could find. Ethan took the three pieces of paper and stationed them down on the coffee table.

The first one was the third bloody note that Pooja had received.

It said: "Ahh, here you are. I knew, I knew you would come. You bastards are as obstinate as I am. But don't worry, I like it. So, did you like my pretty little portrayal that I had made for you? All this is just a sprinkle of my intuitive plan. The real game hasn't even begun yet. Just wait and be on your guard for my twisties and turnsies."

"Hasn't this person done enough? What the freaking hell does he want?" Pooja said, on the brink of tears. She was literally done with this pathetic game of blood.

Ethan hugged her tightly. "Calm down, Love. It hurts me to see you like this. We will find out everything. We will find this person, and we will make them compensate for their sins. I promise." 

"Ethan, I love you so much. Please be with me ad infinitum." Pooja planted a featherlight kiss on Ethan's cheek. 

"I will, Baby, I will, I love you too," Ethan assured her, while tenderly wiping off her tears. 

"And... you don't have to use fancy terms to tell me to love you forever."

At this, Pooja let out a tee-hee.

After she had calmed down, they looked at the second piece of paper. It was a drug store receipt.

"Propofol?"

"If this is a receipt left-back by the murderer, then why Propofol, did they feel remorseful for Davis? " Pooja scoffed. 

"Remorseful? I sure as hell that's not the case." 

Pooja's question lingered in Ethan's mind. Why would, he thought, the murder make the patient unconscious? So that he doesn't shout?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Poke Poke. Pooja poked at his side, bringing him back to reality.

 "A penny for your thoughts?"

" Just thinking about propofol."

" And what does the mind of the world-class diagnostician say about that?"

" As for now, it says nothing essential."

"But?"

"there is a what if."

"And that is?"

" What if the criminal is right in our plain sight?"

" So, as I understand, you are suggesting that the murder is someone-"

"From the hospital. It would be the easiest for a staff member to do everything, isn't it?"

" Hmmm. Although it is a stab in the dark, it is a pretty commendable reasoning. Good job Mr Mitter."

"Mr what?"

"You don't know Mr. Mitter??!! You need to catch up on your detective knowledge, Ramsey. We need to go on a mystery novel-reading spree, ASAP!"

"Don't you think that's just irrelevant to what we are discussing?"

"Excuse You! How the hell are mysteries irrelevant in a discussion of mysteries?" 

Pooja made a phoney, angry face that made Ethan laugh.

" Okay, so number one you are looking ridiculous with that face and number two maybe, I agree with you, just a little."

"WAIT"

"Did you just... give in and agree with me? The Ethan freaking Ramsey accepted his defeat?"

"How is this def-"

"I will write about this day in golden letters in my autobiography."

"Autobiography?" Ethan was chuckling like an idiot.

"Hey, what do you think? I can't write an autobiography or what?"

"No, no, of course, you can! But I really wanna know if you are going to write about your escapades with Jenner or the sleep-talks you do all night. Or maybe about the variety of chocolate you like."

"ETHAN!"

"Okay Okay, I will stop. Let's look at the third bit of paper." 

The third paper was a visiting card. Or something that looked like visiting card held together with a lot of tape. The name on it was too faded for them to interpret. However, they could make out the address and the designation which, surprisingly, was Dr.

All the lingers of laughter and joy from the previous exchange dispersed and seriousness took its place.

"So, this person is a doctor. Very Peculiar!" Pooja remarked.

"What about all this is not uncommon, Poo? Even if they are a doctor, why target you and Alex? How does this person even know you both?" Ethan said, a tinge of anger lingering in his tone.

Pooja absently fiddled with the card while suddenly something caught her eye. In tiny handwriting, the letters D.I.B.S.15. She presented it to Ethan.

"What is this supposed to mean?"

"It looks like some cryptic message to me. Maybe the murderer wrote it absently on this card. We need to infer its meaning. It can be crucial."

"Hmm. Seems, like we have a lot of investigation to do. But at first, let's note down the enigmas we need to find the answers of."

They grabbed a notebook and wrote down all the lingering inquiries and matters about which they were going to seek.

Who is Mr Davis? Why was he targeted?

Why did no one from his acquaintances never come to question about him?

Why did the murderer target Pooja and Alex? How does he know them?

How was the murder perpetrated?

The addresses

MedMinder Drug Store

D.I.B.S.15

"Ethan?"

"Hmm?"

"Should we call the medical store? They might have vital information about the person who bought their stuff."

"Sure they will, reckoning that the person who bought the stuff is the same as the one who murdered Mr Davis."

"Or, you know, we can go there. Like check out both the addresses personally? So many facts are not present on the 'net. We may find something worthwhile for the case or maybe, even find the mastermind?"

"I was contemplating the same thing. But I wanted to take Mark and Alex with us. After all, four brains are more dependable than two." Pooja snickered a little. 

"Sure. I will shoot them both a text to meet us up after their shifts get over." 

But there was no need to do that. When Pooja unplugged her phone from the charger, she saw their texts. Both of them had taken an off early and were en route to Ethan's penthouse.

After fifteen minutes, Mark and Alex arrived. Ethan and Pooja filled them up with everything they had come across.

Then they told them about their plan of visiting the two addresses. 

"That would be incredible. But before that, you both should know the autopsy results." Mark said. 

"The Autopsy result came?" Pooja asked. 

"Yup, this morning. And guess what?"

"The cause of death is not the throat slit. It is Acute Cyanide Poisoning. The throat was slit afterwards." Alex informed them.

"What the hell?" Pooja remarked, wide-eyed.

"All this is so seriously messed up, isn't it?"

"The person has a medical history. They would know the dosage. Also, looking at the kind of criminal he is, it would not have been too difficult for him to arrange the cyanide." Ethan stated. 

"But Why Mr. Davis? I don't understand" Alex queried curiously. 

"Let's get going. I am sure we will get at least some of our answers from these two addresses." 

The four grabbed their coats, took the three clues, packed their tab and set off. The first address on Lyon Avenue was not far from Ethan and Pooja's place. 

They arrived there in ten minutes and spent another five minutes in searching the store.

The drug store was not very busy, dimly illuminated and smelt fusty. 

The man at the counter didn't even notice them coming until, 

"Ahm" 

Ethan cleared his throat. 

The man almost jumped out of his seat. Regaining his composure, he said, "How, ahem, How may I help you?" 

"We need some information. Can you remember who was the person who bought these from you?" Pooja said, handing him the receipt. 

"I am sorry, but information of our customers is confidential. We can not reveal it to anyone except security personals or family member."

Uh Oh. Now what? Nothing a sprinkle of drama can't resolve. 

"Um, Actually the person who bought these from you was most probably my brother. And he is missing for the last three days. So we are searching for information which can lead up to him." Mark said.

Either The shopkeeper was disinterested in their explanation or whatever he said about confidentiality was a lie because he didn't question Mark. He just eyed him sceptically and revealed,

"It was four days ago. I don't remember quite well, but I can give you some information. It was a man of medium height, wearing a high collared black jacket. He wore sleek black sunglasses and a mask. He did not speak anything but handed me the list of items he needed.

He made his payment in cash. When I asked if he was a medical professional, he showed me his visiting card. The card seemed pretty old and unkempt, but the designation Dr. was visible. So I didn't think much and gave him his things. That's all I can recollect."

"Was the visiting card that he showed similar to this?" Ethan asked, presenting the visiting card they had.

"Let me see."

"Yup, the font does seem similar." 

"Seems like this might be our man. Thank you very much for the information." Mark said before they started to exit the shop.

"Wait a sec." The man at the counter beckoned them.

They turned back.

"What is it?"

"I just remembered something. The man, he gave me an extra 20 bucks. When I informed him that he had given me extra cash, he gestured me to keep it. Also, when he was handing over the money, he folded up the left sleeve of his shirt, and there were numerous cut marks on it." The man at the counter told them.

The instant they heard about the cuts, they got the confirmation of their lingering suspicions.

This man was the murderer, and he was the one who was sending them the bloody notes.

The four thanked the man, and as a gesture of gratitude handed him some bucks. Then they left the shop and set off for their next destination.

Once seated back in the car, Pooja said, "So now we know that we are following the right person. Maybe the second address will tell us more."

"Mark, How did you deduce the murderer to be a man?" Alex asked.

"Just took a wild speculation. And because I have,"

Mark stopped.

"had a brother, that came out spontaneously." Mark's voice held traces of pain and brought out the confrontation among his thoughts.

But he quickly regained composure and said, "But thank god the guess was right. If not, we would be in a hell of a mess."

Mark laughed a bit, but his laughter sounded somewhat void.

For the rest of the journey, there was no conversation. A deafening muteness fell in the car, but no one tried to rip through it.

The journey to the second address took 20 minutes.

But they were a bit taken aback from the situation of the place.

It was a cryptic, morose part of the city, and it was awkward for a doctor to set up their practice here. In the entire street, darkness lurked. Flickers of light were visible in some of the houses.

Ethan, Pooja and Alex started to walk down the street slowly to locate the private clinic, but Mark stayed behind.

It was as if distasteful remembrances came to him, inundating him, due to the sight in front of him.

There was a glimmer of identification of the area in his eyes.

After walking a few steps, Alex realized that Mark was not with them.

At first, she began to panic, but when she turned around and saw Mark standing by the car, sighed in relaxation.

"MARK, MARK" Alex beckoned him.

Alex's voice caused Ethan and Pooja to turned around. They, too, detected Mark and the three started to pace towards the car.

"Mark, what happened?" Alex asked after arriving at the car, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Then she spotted the tears rolling down Mark's face.

Before she could say anything, Mark hugged her and broke into stringent sobs. His entire body was shuddering with every cry.

Ethan and Pooja quickly went beside him, trying to calm him down while Alex held him in her embrace.

"Mark, Honey, what happened? Is something wrong? Are you feeling unwell or something?" Alex asked, panic apparent in her voice.

Sensing her dread, Mark tried to regain his composure. And he succeeded a bit.

Breaking himself from Alex's embrace but holding her hand for strength, he levelled up. The other three looked at him, concern and curiosity both unambiguous on their faces.

"T-T-This place, I k-know this place." Mark began, voice trembling a bit.

"You do?" Pooja asked.

"Y-yup. This place, it endures as the beholder of the pain my family went through. All our sufferings, all our cries started here and ended h-here." Mark said, on the verge of tears.

"Mark, if you don't want to talk about it, it is okay, you don't have to," Ethan said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"N-No, I have to say this. I have to tell you."

Mark took a pause.

"T-T-This place is where m-my c-childhood home is."

The grief that we hide from the world, that we bury deep in our soul, when it comes out, it twists knives in a way that rips through all our soul leaving us as shredded as we were when we encountered it.

PS: This case had pulled strings which no one had expected. But will these strings tug the answers with them? This chapter feels like the beginning of the end. What do you think, is Mark's dilemma? What about Pooja's childhood? And what new challenge will the murderer place in front of them?

Every question will be answered and every Mystery will be solved. They might be Detectives by chance but their skills know no bound.

If you enjoyed the story, please like, leave a comment or reblog. Your feedback keeps me going 💕. Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you have a great day ahead.💕💕

[katherinemallory]

#9 The spy who kissed me

All the previous chapters of this soap opera can be found here: #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8

I've never eaten such an expensive dinner before and I was relieved I didn't have to pay for it. Bond insisted to dine somewhere outside the MI6 Headquarters, so no one could interrupt us, and I willingly agreed. I can't even recall the restaurant's name. All I can remember is his laugh caused by some filthy jokes.

He seemed more enthusiastic than ever, probably because he has just been informed that we would go on a mission together. I could tell the news surprised him, but in a positive way, as if he hoped his predicted scenario would eventually come true. And it seemed to me like it gave him a massive self-confidence boost. At times he has been insufferable, as if he wasn’t too arrogant already... The good thing was that it made him let his guard down, and I used this to my advantage, responding to each of his flirtatious comments.

Not only did I play my part well, but also I enjoyed it. And even though I really intended to improve our friendship (or should I rather call it a relationship?), I considered the fact that I could use Bond to my own ends. It's high time someone has taught this womanizer a lesson... how many women in the SIS alone did he deceive? The list's endless, but he doesn't care at all. He will break any heart without regret as they say, only because he's that *famous* James Bond. Just like that. Why on earth would he be so interested in me? Does he fancy me that much? I don't think so. And even if he does, I thought, it’s likely that he just wants to sleep with me, adding me to his collection. It's your turn, Kath. He deserves this. *You* can use him. On your own terms.

I wasn’t sure who I was anymore. Me as a ruthless adventurer? Such description didn’t suit me at all. But I felt some strange power inside of me, I heard a voice that assured me being heartless for once won't change much in my life.

The truth was, I needed us to look convincing. Not necessarily like a romantically-involved couple, but as passionate lovers. Just in case my plan to get Mallory went wrong, I could always leave the Service after a "whirlwind” affair with James Bond.

Of course I never wanted to leave the Service in the first place, not after I just have been promoted to the double-0 section, not after one of my biggest dreams came true, but... my feelings for Mallory kept getting stronger and stronger every day... until I finally realized I *had* to take chances...

After the dinner both Bond and I went back to the SIS building and visited Q in his "office”. We were given some standard equipment: a brand-new tracking device and cyanide pills. And, of course, we left the meeting armed ("And the guns, just in case. A direct order from M") - me with a Walther P99, and Bond with a Beretta 418.

We examined the guns, while Q kept browsing through some documents on his desk.

“Yeah, I think... That’s all I have for you,” he said, scratching his head.

Bond looked at Q in disapproval.

“That’s all? Not exactly Christmas, is it?”

“Were you expecting an exploding pen? We don’t really go in for that anymore,” remarked Q. “And besides... you won’t need this kind of stuff this time. But the guns are always a good idea. The ones here are the best we’ve got right now... all for our best agents.”

“I love you too, Q,” said Bond with a smirk.

“Oh, don’t mind him, Q,” I dragged in. “He’s unbearable recently,” I added, looking pityingly at Bond.

“I’m afraid he’s always been like that, you just don’t know him long enough, Kath,” replied Q and burst into laughter. “It was great to see you both.”

“Thanks, Q. You’re the best!” I exclaimed when Bond bundled me through the door.

...

We took the elevator and planned our next move. Bond promised to hand me the mission’s files the next day, so he could have enough time to go through them. We would meet in three days’ time at the airport and travel together to Monte Carlo.

I stepped into my office to check the documents I had signed earlier. I also made a call to Eve, as I didn't want to meet her in her office and cause any suspicions about my frequent visits there.

I lied down on the couch next to the window and dialed the Eve’s private number. I preferred to avoid using the SIS phone line.

"Eve... it's Kath. Do you have a minute?"

"Yes, Kath, what is it?" she answered. "You left so quickly... I immediately began to wonder what your gesture did mean..."

"Well... I'm sure you know.”

"Yeah... the thought had occurred to me," Eve chuckled. "I'll see what I can do. But finding out *anything* about *him* is definitely not going to be easy. He’s the most enigmatic man in the Service."

"What’s it to you? I will owe you one if you prove my point," I promised her, trying to sound charming.

"Alright, alright," replied Eve. "You know I’d help you anyway... Listen, you'd better be sure about this... I guess it means you put it all on the line... for him?"

I got lost in my own thoughts for a while, suddenly realizing all the consequences. I stood up, went to the bookcase, and started to read what was written on the books’ covers.

"I guess it does... It's everything or nothing."

It took Eve a moment to respond.

"I will always have your back, Kath... but... You should seriously consider this... it could cost you your career..."

"I know, Eve,” I stammered quietly. “I just can't pretend any longer..."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Kath", said Eve. "I've got to go. M needs me. We’ll talk about it later, I promise. Now I have to go."

As soon as I have hanged up, I understood that I had placed myself in a truly risky situation. In the end, I could never get Mallory... but I could easily throw away my future instead. If I was a more rational person I could seduce James Bond and live happily ever after with him as the most dangerous pair of the double-0s you'd ever met.

I've been wondering why M sends us on a mission together. Is that a test for both of us, so Mallory could see if we can cooperate despite being attracted to each other? Does he expect us to reconcile professional and private life? Anyway, I was aware of the fact that whatever happens during this mission, it would have a major impact on both my career and my relationships with Bond and Mallory.

...

I left the office after half an hour. I was standing on the corridor with the keys in my hand, when someone hugged me from behind and kissed me on the neck.

"002 is still at work, huh? What James Bond could do to make her let him... drive her home?" Bond whispered gently into my ear. His voice was smooth and very sexy.

"James," I said, trying to lock the door and free myself from his embrace. "You can't just do this in public. What will people say when they..."

The touch of Bond’s lips made me shiver, as they slowly moved from my neck to the collarbone.

"There’s no one here... and I asked... what he... could do... to make her... let him... drive her... home..." he murmured.

I closed my eyes for a moment. Bond continued to caress my waist and holded onto me. He was so close I could smell his perfume and feel his slightest move.

"Just a few more... um... kissess... and I'm sure she'll agree," I moaned with delight.

I haven’t been entirely honest with Bond. His touch was very pleasant, but not as pleasant as I kept telling him.

“Just be careful and don’t make my shirt wrinkled...”

I opened my eyes and then I've seen Mallory who was watching us from around the corner. He spoke to one of the male double-0s I barely knew. Damn, he looks dashing in this red tie, but I’m sure this man could wear *anything* and would still catch my eye, I thought. He has a pretty good figure for a man at his age... even with his arm in a sling.

"Let go of me, James," I said nervously, trying to turn around. "That was wonderful, but we can't really behave like this... here."

Bond didn’t loosen his grip, sensing the changes in my mood.

“What is it?”

“It’s Mallory,” I huffed. “He’s seen us.”

“So what?” asked Bond when I nailed my eyes on Mallory. “Is he still looking...?” Bond whispered and kissed me on the neck two more times.

I couldn’t stand being watched by Mallory when Bond kept kissing me, so I turned my head to Bond and kissed him on the lips. He was so surprised he allowed me to turn around, and then I finally broke the grip.

“You don’t waste time, do you? Our last meeting wasn’t that... steamy. What business is it of yours, James?”

“I’m your fictional husband, remember? I need to stay in character,” he answered with a smirk on his face.

I rolled my eyes.

“Katherine, didn’t we agree to start from scratch? Let’s say I’m trying to show you my best side... And that includes showing you... a few tricks I know.”

“That’s really impressive,” I replied. “But you’re mistaken if you think I will fall into bed with you in Monte Carlo. Casual flirt isn’t enough to get me,” I assured him, smiling provocatively.

“Is that so? You know what kind of things happen when two attactive agents go on a mission together...”

“I have no idea,” I said, putting my hands in my pockets.

“But you’re dying to find out,” he commented at winked at me.

I shook my head and sighed.

“James, you’re so terrible sometimes...”

“I’ll stop being terrible if you let me drive you home,” he said and took my hands in his. “I promise!”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“So, now you’re blackmailing me?”

Bond squeezed my hands.

“Can I drive you home or not?”

I came closer to him and straightened his tie.

“Sure you can. It seems that I don’t need my own car anymore...”

"Perfect," he said in his deep voice and grabbed me by the hand. “Let’s go!”

"Oh, James. Uhm... I have to get a few things from Amanda’s office,” I lied, as I didn’t want to be seen by Mallory leaving the building with Bond.

"Alright, do it quick. I'll wait for you downstairs,” he leaned in and lowered his voice. “And Katherine... pay no attention to Mallory. I can see what’s going on here... he doesn’t care. The sooner you understand it, the better.”

Damn, I thought. He can be really bossy when he wants someting, and what is even worse, he really wants *someting* from me... He thinks it’s me who deceives myself, but the truth is, he is way more deceived than I am. Over my dead body I’ll forget about Mallory! And I use the word *damn* way too often recently...

"I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I stated and kissed him on the cheek.

“Oh, you do,” said Bond quietly. “You may think he’s a better choice than me... but I will make you mine. You underestimate how much I like a challenge...” he added and gently touched my arm. “Don’t be long,” he whispered.

As soon as Bond has taken the elevator, I saw Mallory walking towards me. The thought of unexpected conversation with my supervisor made me blush, so I quickly turned my back on him, pretending to lock the door to my office. I hoped that he would just pass by.

"002..."

"Sir,” I responded, turning around.

"... why are you still here? You should go home and get some rest before the flight. To get a few days off is a rare occurence in this business."

"I just wanted to make sure I signed all the papers, sir," I replied, staring into his eyes. “I always find it hard to leave this place.”

"It’s totally understandable, but you’ll be back in no time.”

I didn’t say a word, I just smiled mildly and nodded. Mallory tilted his head.

“You wonder *why* I send you and Bond on a mission together, don’t you?”

“Actually I do, sir.“

He bored into me.

“The answer’s simple. You two look like a real, *charming* couple... judging by the way you both *enjoy* to go undercover,” mocked Mallory.

“Oh, but it only looks that way, sir,” I replied nervously. “We make some effort to look the part. It’s easier this way.”

“I’m sure it is,” Mallory commented curtly. “But the thing is that fictional husbands don’t have to always behave like gentlemen,” he added and looked at my wrinkled collar.

I got embarassed after he had said that.

“Go home, Katherine, you deserve to rest,” he said calmly. “Good luck.”

“Thank you, sir,” I said, watching him turn around and walking down the corridor.

I looked at my wristwatch. It’s time to go, Bond waits for me... but first I have to calm down a bit, I thought. I felt my heart racing in my chest. It seems that Bond’s kisses can’t make me feel even half of those things that a short conversation with Mallory can... but it doesn’t mean the current state of affairs will last forever. It’s something I know all too well.

Monte Carlo, here I come.

***

To be continued.

[mycptsdstory]

Trigger warning; this is about attempted murder and server abuse.

I will always celebrate this day because this is the day that I left my family. I had no spare clothes with me, I had no pjs, no medicine, no nothing! All I had was the clothes on my back, my bag with my purse with no money and my phone with no charger.

Not gonna lie, every time I look back on this day, it was super emotional. I couldn’t stop crying, there was a lot of emotions going through my head. There was a lot of betrayal that I had to come to terms with, I was in denial with the abuse and I had to leave or else I would of lost my life.

I never said this on why I left and my tumblr is the safest place I can say why; my mother tried to kill me with poison.

For the previous months, I didn’t understand why I was so sick. It was like I was getting sicker each day, I had no energy, my face was pale and my hands were turning yellow! The doctors didn’t understand either; I was checked for gastroenteritis nothing. My liver was okay (even tho I was alcoholic back then, it still came out okay) Then I was I checked for other diseases (that I can’t remember on top of my head) and still came up with nothing. I just had this weird cold like flu symptoms that no one could explain and this was yyyeeaaarrrsa before covid happened. One day, my doctors gave me tests on my blood, poo, urine and food from my teeth (since I didn’t brush that day and I had food left over from the previous night that my mum cooked for me). You guessed it right, she poisoned me with the food.

One day, I had a call from my doctors saying I needed to come in urgently, I didn’t feel very well and they persuaded me to come. So I did. I got dressed (dirty clothing that I wasn’t allowed to wash) and I got there. The receptionist told me to visit my doctor now, i thought ‘well, this is strange, they normally ask me to wait’ so I went to see her. Then I got the news, they told me that I was being posioned and I nearly died. I was poisoned with arsenic, cyanide and other medication that my mother, my mothers bf and other medication that wasn’t prescribed to me or my mother or my mothers bf (they guessed it was my family’s meds). If they didn’t caught it in time, I would of died. I was in disbelief. They contacted the police and put me in a safe place. Since my home was a prison, I had no friends to go too and even if I did go and see someone, no one would believe me. I would be sent back to my mother and then she will try and kill me again. So me and my doctor had a plan to talk to my therapist the next morning and refuse any food that my mother and her bf gave me. It was hard not to eat, that night I couldn’t sleep. I never dreamed on leaving the next day, so I didn’t pack that night because I didn’t want my mother to be suspicious of me. During this, I had to secretly call my bf and told him everything when my mother was asleep at night, he was worried about me and told me everything was going to be okay. It was horrible.

The next morning, I saw my therapist and told her everything while my mother was waiting outside. We could see her watching us while I was in therapy (my mother did this all the time). So my therapist told me to go to my old home town and go to the Women’s aid, since I knew where their refuge is and not their head office, so I could see them and they can help me. After the therapy session, that’s what I did. I went to my old home town and persuaded to my mother that my birth dad was going to attack me and I need the Women’s Aid for them to be updated. But my mother took me to a drugs den first, thank god I can persuade anyone out of anything and acting dumb that I got the wrong door, they let me go and I went straight to refuge. My mother drove off in a huff and I persuaded her that I will call her when I wanted to be picked up. When I got the refuge, they told me where to go, I knew my old home town like the back of my hand so my mother couldn’t follow me. When I got to the women’s aid, I told them everything and burst into tears. They had to call up the police and even social services to tell them I was safe, that’s when I had to make a decision on where I was going to live. But the refuge I was offered, wasn’t ready and the women’s aid was terrified that my mother knew where their refuge was and I would be in danger. So I had to call up an old ex family friend that my mother had fallen out with years ago. That night, I talked to my bf and told him that tomorrow was my ticket to freedom. He wished me luck and always be on guard. I stayed with her over night with the ex family friend and the next morning I had to leave and make a fresh start on my own.

It was then I moved to the refuge on the little town where I live now. I still cannot believe that I was 6 years ago. Fucking 6 years ago. It was then that I started to calm down, not cause any drama and just live my life. I lost friends during this but I also gained some of my closest friends that I’m still friends with them today. Before when I lived with my mother, I couldn’t have friends. She would either ruin them or I ruined them because I didn’t know what friendships where like, I couldn’t think straight and my thoughts where my own down fall. Now I’m out of there, taking private therapy, it’s been the best. I would never ever go back to the place where I once called home. I stopped talking to my family and the family friends and started to my live my life to the fullest.

I’m now retaking my English and maths. When I first started, I was entry level 1 (which is nursery level) now I’ve passed my level 2 English (nearly GCSE level) and I’m on level 1 in maths (hopefully pass that soon, so I can start my level 2). I couldn’t of never have done this, if I hadn’t had left.

I’ve accomplished so much, like I got to perform at a professional theatre in my home town (the town where I moved too) and I met some of my amazing friends through acting. Life is fucking great, I really cannot wait for the future.

Even tho my life didn’t have the best start, when I left those 6 years ago, it’s been the best. It’s where my life officially started. Now I can look forward to the future and not have to worry. I wouldn’t of done it without my doctors, my bf, social services and the police; I wouldn’t be here.

I know this past week has been rough, but I’m not gonna stop them from living my life. Fuck that noise.