#cw // abuse

[stellocchia]

I've already seen the take that Killer and Nightmare both contribute equally to making their relationship toxic and I'm begging people to understand that that's not a great take to have in an abuser/victim scenario. Doubly so when said victim is kept in the relationship by force and most likely didn't even wanna be there in the first place.

I also see these kinds of takes rather often when toxic relationships are involved. Usually, it's because no victim is the perfect victim so people tend to push a lot of the blame on them.

And Killer definitely is very very far from the perfect victim. He's violent, he's mentally ill (which increases the likelihood of the person falling victim to domestic violence, but people tend to see it as a scary thing. Especially for stuff that's more stigmatized like, in his case, the kinda implied DID that comes with the multiple Stages), and he can be quite the bastard when he wants to. It also doesn't help that people look at especially Stage 2 and think "Oh, he's entirely emotionless" and they don't go any further than that with that train of thought.

Anyway, my point here is that just because Killer's coping mechanisms aren't healthy or palatable for some people, that doesn't mean that he's not Nightmare's victim. Just like it doesn't mean that he wasn't Chara's or the Player's. And he's not "contributing equally to the toxicity" he's surviving. And he's taking what few Ws he can while he's at it. Creeping out Nightmare here and there doesn't put him on the same level as the guy who either straight-up kidnapped him or at the very least preyed on him when he was at his most vulnerable (literally planning on killing himself) and then continuously abused him

[howlsofbloodhounds]

I feel like Killer often had to act dumber than Nightmare around him. I just know that Nightmare is the kind of guy who wouldn't take kindly to not being the smartest person in the room at any given time. It mostly stems from his own childhood traumas (I'm sure that the fact that nothing he ever did was good enough to make him deserving of not getting abused stuck with him post corruption), but to me he's a walking inferiority complex.

And the thing is that Nightmare isn't stupid. He's a very studious person and he probably retains a lot of the stuff he reads about. But Killer is undoubtedly more observant and logical than he is. I feel like he probably picks up on stuff much quicker (even though he also probably forgets a lot of it just as quickly because of his memory issues).

And, well, I saw a couple of comics of them playing chess and Killer winning every time. And I do think that, realistically, if he played at full capacity every time, he would win against Nightmare. Chess is a game that rewards his kind of smarts so much more than Nightmare's.

But I also think he'd know not to win most of the time (unless his purpose is to piss off Nightmare that day). But, here's the kicker. I think it would be just as humiliating for Nightmare if Killer dominated the entire game only to make some very obviously porpuseful fumbles at the end. Of course, Nightmare could call him out on it, but then he'd need to admit that he would have lost had Killer not thrown the game. And he's not gonna fucking do that. Not when they both already know and Killer is staring unblinkingly at him, challenging him to say something, to admit defeat.

No, he's gonna take that fake victory and he's gonna massage his bruised ego with it. Denial is always a powerful shield.

Yeah absolutely. Killer knows how to stroke people’s egos and notice their insecurities, he will use both against someone for his own benefit. He knows he needs to walk a fine line with people like Nightmare and Chara—those that tend to have huge egos, that are also very fragile. Those whose first instincts are to lash out, and in Chara’s case, throw violent tantrums.

It’s like managing the moods of very explosive, highly dangerous bombs. It’s just that sometimes Killer can’t resist playing a little careless, in a calculated way. He is not above putting himself in huge danger and playing with his life just to gain momentarily pleasure in pissing them off, or to provoke them into hurting him just to alleviate his soul crushing apathy and boredom in controlled bursts.

Like micro-dosing on a drug that is pain, or simply because he knows (or thinks) it is inevitable that they will hurt him today, so he will provoke them earlier and take away their satisfaction in hurting him by taking away their control and bruising their egos.

Let Chara think he loves them. Let Nightmare think he’s stupid and blindly loyal. Those are the things he knows to maintain control over them. On the flip side, a way to keep Killer under control (particularly Stage 2), is to let him think he has more control than he actually does.

Imagine how powerless Nightmare could make him feel if he were to say, find a way to destroy any pleasure and satisfaction Killer gets out of pain. If he takes away the framing of torture, punishment, and pain as “fun” and “playing” in Killer’s mind.

I wouldn’t be suprised if Killer finds a sense of pride in his ability to not only endure but enjoy vast amounts of suffering—especially if he ever got some form of validation or approval for it. He views it as him still having power and control even as he is being “dominated”—because he can say that he enjoys it and therefore it means nothing and has no genuine impact on him beyond the satisfaction and pleasure.

People being unnerved and annoyed when you laugh in their face after they’ve broken your bones just means that Killer still has control over their emotions.

Yet another way he is views himself as sort of, above others. Not in the self loving ego stroking way, but still in a superior, ‘I’m above you, so don’t try me’ way. He’d likely look down on anyone who runs from or hates pain— or anyone who obviously lets it show. Viewing them as inferior and weak.

If Nightmare can take that away, then pain is just pain. Potentially sending Stage 2 deeper into his apathetic, nihilistic, fatalistic worldview—“just get it over with if you aren’t going to make it fun.”

Which is probably the reason why physical punishment wouldn’t work on Stage 2 at all—not until you can take away his sense of control in these situations—psychological stuff like isolation and sensory deprivation certainly would.

I feel like another way would be to greyrock him whenever he tries to provoke someone into violence and hurting him—not giving him the reaction he expects and craves. Which would either make him quickly lose interest, or motivate him to keep escalating until he gets what he wants.

Killer has definitely greyrocked Chara and Nightmare before as well— refusing to give them any type of satisfaction or control over him by not giving any response or reaction they want from him. And sometimes giving the exact opposite of a reaction or response that they want.

All in all, I can definitely see Killer underplaying himself and his own abilities to satisfy others egos and play into expectations if it benefits him or avoids inconvenience. And he’d definitely use their egos to lure them into little mind games and traps—like the one you described.

{ @stellocchia }

[syscultureis]

Vent AS HELL, no need to post this btw. TWs for abuse and general traumatic events

System culture is, yes im a system. No, i wasnt SAed as a kid or anything else singlets think when i say DID. i witnessed domestic abuse, cheating, fights, was harassed by both my peers and the ones that shouldve taken care of me since i was introducted to a social space, i watched verbal abuse turn physical then psychological. i dropped out at 5th grade because of "bullying"(AKA a word to cover up the fact kids can abuse other kids). i grew up isolated and scared. i wasted my teenagery and am pretty much a "late bloomer" on many aspects. gave myself a second chance only to feel just as miserable as before. i went through medical and psych neglect. i still waste my trust on others just to watch them leave and proceed to relive my own past abandonment. i watch situations i thought were exclusive to this one age and time frame happen again and again and realize no, im still not safe. Maybe ill never be. i feel bad for wanting to inflict harm on those who harmed me but i think about that everyday. i remember them even though theyve long forgotten me.

Long story short, theres more than one way a childs brain can be impacted by trauma. its not a competition and no one should feel "not valid" because their trauma "wasnt as bad as someone elses" and im sick of hearing that. "oh i thought you had it worse" fuck off and die <3333 anyways sorry if this is a bit too much im just tired and hesitant to post this but here we go.

- Plague 🕸

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[sprinkleonthatcriticism]

The Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel standom is the only place where well articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say "I Don't like the Masquerade episode from HH" and Somebody will say "Oh, so you invalidate r*pe/sa/abuse victim's trauma?" No bitch. Dats a whole sentence. wtf is you talkin' about?

(parodying this) CW// r*pe mention, abuse mention

Yes, this actually happened in the fanbase.. a couple of victims of abuse came out voicing their concerns and criticisms about the episode and a bunch of stans came out of the woodworks invalidating those victims. Like, Don't get me fucking wrong, I know there are victims out there who thinks the episode is fine and I'm not trying to invalidate them but you need to respect both sides.. and Vivziepop isn't really helping when she was DEFENDING people who draw fetish r*pe art and tried to claim that Ralphielle was a victim of it (when it was proven by Ralph theirselves that they were not a victim and just love shipping valangel)

[sdv-confessions]

For so long I was disgusted in Elliott because he has the same name as my old abuser.

I know that's a shitty thing to do. I really do.

But when I started to play through Elliotts route, I was like 'oh he's also a little bit odd too' then it was like 'idk he's kinda funny'

Then I was like 'not my type, but I could totally be friends with him'

And then my old abuser came to me and apologised for everything.

It was child on child, so obviously I forgave him because, hey, he grew up and proved that he's not as much of an idiot as he was.

Then I also decided 'I shouldn't hate someone for their name just because it brings up bad memories.'

So, in conclusion?

I have realised it was an asshole move. I regret it. I still don't think Elliott is my type, but I think I can learn to like him as a (person?).

I'm sorry to the Elliott lovers. Please don't attack me I realise how stupid I am and sound ^^;

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[therookandthecrow]

Aloisius may not have been there for Lucanis' childhood, but he was going to be there for him for the rest of his life. He'd make sure that no-one would bring him harm ever again.

The righteous anger that he feels for Lucanis' sake, that will be channeled into protecting him, and making sure that he always feels safe and secure for as long as he lives.

He'll kiss him where others have struck him, and he'll give him all the love, tenderness and affection that he never got during his childhood.

[grapefan]

ugh why are older guys so much hotter like literally i just love experienced men who don't give a fuck that they're taking advantage of me. its like yes of course you're allowed to hurt me sir, im asking for it, and he doesn't even think to question or talk about me being inferior to him because its just so obvious he's smart and i'm dumb. im literally just a girl so like duh?

make me your dumb little victim please sir. use my body until my mind breaks. gaslight me until im like totally dependent on you for validation. like i literally deserve to be used and abused so bad daddy and you have no idea how bad i crave it too 💗

[lopashes]

smoke break for two

[savasavva]

toxic yuri

[its-your-mind]

I really really really love how the show is depicting Gabe. In the books, Percy doesn't think much about Gabe - he sucks, he's a dick, and he's smelly. Percy doesn't understand why his mom stays with him, but he’s a kid - he doesn't put too much thought into the ins-and-outs of the relationship. It's not even until the end of the book that he realizes that Gabe's been actually hitting Sally.

And so all we have for him now is the time we spend with Gabe at the start, and…

This is supposed to be his and Sally's apartment. Sally's the only one who brings in income, but the whole house is Gabe's. Only the one chair in front of the TV, even though Gabe said that he and Sally watch the Knicks together. His trash is all over the house, his poker table was leaning up against the wall... And he obviously feels like he is entitled to touch anything in the apartment, up to and including things that are explicitly Sally's:

And then, when Sally tells Gabe that she and Percy are going on their trip to Montauk...

He goes into the conversation expecting a bribe, and Sally already has one prepared. This is obviously a song and dance they've done plenty of times before.

Because abusive relationships rarely, if ever, look horrible from the outside. And they're not absolutely awful 100% of the time, either. Most abusers aren't cartoonish villains, nor are they awful to their spouses with every word they say. Abuse is often subtle, hard to notice, only clear in retrospect and when you consider a lot of individual instances of slightly off-color behavior all together.

This version of Gabe Ugliano isn't as obvious an abuser or villain as Smelly Gabe of the books, but he is more true-to-life - taking advantage of Sally, invading her privacy, the joint understanding that she won't be allowed to do something for herself and her son without his tacit approval. All of those are key hallmarks of domestic abuse, of a partner who has gained control over the relationship through emotional manipulation or physical threats and/or violence.

[heartless-curr]

i want to talk about the moment that both made me fall in love with atsushi nakajima as a character, and which made me realize that I was probably going to get obsessed with BSD.

specifically, it was this moment.

words can not describe how important this moment was to me, and how vital this is to both atsushi as a character and his relationship with dazai as a whole.

as someone who is currently living with my abusive parents, this was something that resonated with me a lot — oftentimes, media when attempting to portray abuse (specifically parental abuse) and victims of abuse, does 1 out of 2 things:

1. Tries to justify the abuse and protect the parents — having the kids be okay with the treatment they recieved.

2. Has the kids utterly despise their parents with no shred of good feelings.

And whilst, sure, both of these can happen — and I'm sure there are victims who actually feel like this — it's not the most common response.

Speaking from my own experience — I don't know how to feel about my parents. If they died, I wouldn't know what face to make. I hate them more than anyone else, but at the same time, I grew up with them. I hate them, but I also love them. If they died, I don't know how I'd feel about it. And we get to see Atsushi having that exact breakdown — the elation over the person you hate dying, versus the grief and frustration and confusion. Abuse isn't simple, and feelings aren't simply — your abuser dying isn't something that's clean cut, it comes with a million different conflicting confusing emotions.

And the fact that Atsushi is allowed to have these feelings, is allowed to hate the headmaster, is allowed to grieve without forgiveness, is so important. BSD doesn't try to justify his abuse — it's okay to mourn someone that hurt you even if you don't like them. Their death — or their intentions — don't make forgiveness a necessity.

And even moreso, the fact that he gets explicitly told that regardless of the fact that that abuse was what molded him into the person he is today and has helped him survive, and the fact that the headmaster had good intentions, it was bad and unforgivable, is extremely important.

dazai not forcing atsushi to feel a certain way about his abuser, and encouraging him to mourn without forgiveness and to actually feel, is an incredibly important moment — i doubt that i'm only speaking for myself here when i say that when dealing with these subject matters, these are the types of things we'd like to hear.

the fact that dazai is the character telling atsushi this isn't lost on me, either — considering that earlier on this chapter, he sent ryuunosuke to tell atsushi about the headmaster, and they had this interaction:

everything about this is so fascinating and well written — from atsushi having an extremely realistic breakdown over the death of his abuser, to dazai telling him that he has zero obligation for forgiveness — and the implications that he's aware that what he's done to ryuunosuke is wrong regardless of intentions, is fascinating.

to me, atsushi nakajima has always felt human in a way most protagonists don't — his trauma impacts him, he has complex messy feelings that can't be easily resolved. it's his choice what to do with his emotions, and all others can do is give advice, and let him figure out how to deal with them.

atsushi nakajima crying over the man who simultaneously raised him and made his life a living hell is accurate in a way that almost hurts.

(slightly unrelated, but i sure was accurate with this prediction from a month ago, huh!)

[howlsofbloodhounds]

You know how oftentimes in abusive relationships there are moments where the abuser shows some 'kindness' and how that's often an aspect that makes it harder for victims to leave and stay gone?

I'm thinking of Nightmare doing stuff like: tucking Killer in after working him to exhaustion (probably enough that his body actually gave out and he lost consciousness), holding him close after stabbing him to reach for his soul, spending time with him indulging some of his hobbies (I love the idea of them playing chess together and Killer winning every single time. But I also like the idea of them reading in the same room. Or Killer eating while Nightmare stares at him, that's his version of sharing a meal). Perhaps at some point he even allows him to keep a pet (though the threat that he can get rid of it an any time is still hanging in the air). Maybe he even gifts Killer a cat himself, just like he gifted him Dust, Horror, and Cross.

With Chara it's more stuff like giving him gifts, praise, and attention. Unlike Nightmare, I feel like Chara would come to eventually see Killer if not as an equal, at least as a close subordinate. A friend. And that notion would also be used to keep him in line for as long as it works.

Like, I can imagine that there are things that all Stages miss. Those are probably very different based on the Stage, but these moments of 'kindness' and 'softeness' would get to most of them. Certainly to Stage 1 and 4

Yeah, I can definitely see it. How Killer processes and makes sense of all of it would definitely differ depending on what Stage he is in, such as looking for opportunities to take advantage of “kindness” in Stage 2 (completely aware these things come with strings and motives attached, but also logically able to recognize when something benefits him, and in return giving loyalty and his skills and his strength. I guess you can see it as a transaction, or at least that’s how Stage 2 wants to see it, as opposed to what it actually is), or outright violent rejection in Stage 3.

And, well. Abusive relationships are not always just violent abuse at every given opportunity—especially not when the abuser needs or wants something from the victim.

{ @stellocchia }

[sjwcringecompilation]

Trans women will be placed in subordinate roles, as caregivers or sex objects, yet when we complain about our circumstances, our frankly sexist treatment, we are then made out to aggressive angry monsters, in line with our "innate biological maleness" in order to shut us down.

In an abusive relationship the abuser will always have a justification for their behaviour, yet if their victim complains or steps out of line, then the victims behaviour is utterly unjustifiable to the abuser. To the abuser, the victim is always to blame.

From this transmisogyny can be viewed as creating a class of the perfect victims of abuse, whose reactions to their own exploitation is never justified.

[thund3randrain]

real footage of me when even more of the people who defined my childhood/early teens turn out to be shitheads

[wolfertinger666]

tw // for abuse and mentions of SA

hey this is going to sound really damn heavy and vulnerable but, yeah I have been in a pretty abusive relationship in the past(last year) and realizing how bad it was despite not seeing the red flags is so upsetting to me. I thought it was normal but after venting to my gf about everything, she told me none of this was normal. having my self confidence be lowered, being infantilized heavily to the point where my vulnerability was appealing, having that abuser worm their way into my friend groups, being yelled at over a fucking cat oc to the point I spiraled so hard that I relapsed. Having my trauma be undermined and basically feeling beneath that person.

and worst of all, ""joking"" about sexually assaulting me on THREE separate occasions, trying to normalize that behavior because they knew I was too scared and vulnerable to say anything and basically took advantage of my kindness. they even changed my discord nickname to "rape victim" out of the blue one day. I feel embarrassed I let this happen to me but idk it's just the guilt of being a victim.

[wandaslittlebird]

Just thinking about Wanda, who’s wanted to be a mother more than anything in her entire life, meeting reader’s awful mother.

Cw: abuse, Wanda being overprotective

There is nothing she loathes more entirely than watching the way your mother interacts with you. She is practically boiling over with overprotective maternal energy. She doesn’t deserve to be a mother. Least of all to you.

She takes so much pride in the way you find yourself retreating into her when your mother is being cruel, silently calling for her protection and affection. Whether it’s just holding her hand or pressing your entire body into her, she’s more than happy to provide. Clearly your mom doesn’t know how to treat you right. Clearly she doesn’t deserve to be the one taking care of you.

And god forbid your mother makes any sort of move to physically hurt you. The way Wanda would throw herself around you in a heartbeat. She will never touch you again. No one will ever touch you like that again.

She doesn’t love you like I do. She doesn’t see how special you are. You don’t need her, you need me. I’m the one who really loves you. I’m the one who will truly protect you. I will make sure no one ever hurts you again.