#cuz we were all fuckin confused and one girl even had to ask like 2-3 times about how tf this would work and when we're supposed to come in

[emelinstriker]

mmmnnother idea too

[fenotheidiot]

Dream log 26 & 27-08-23

26-08-23

I had a nightmare of experiencing the biggest earthquake ever that i couldn't even wake up to sit

27-08-23

I had 3 dreams in one sleep

1. Was going somewhere and then my motorcycle broke down in the middle of my trip

So we were planning to go on a trip but forst i needed to buy something to prepare, so i went to a store in the next city (idk why) it kinda looks like Indomaret and my dad owns it, but when i arrived there, the thing that i'm looking for wasn't there so i head back home. But in the middle my motorcycle brakes are completely broke all of a sudden so i have to stop. But later on somehow a random girl just drove me home with motorcycle. I told her my brakes are broken so she later finds out herself and then she now realized this is bad but she's still going anyway despite that so i go along with it. After that i forgor or it just ends right there :P

2. My bother's pet turns my house into a jungle

I was back in my parent's house. I went upstairs came surprised when i saw 3 bunnies inside my sister's room. Then i just remembered my brother do have some pet bunnies.

Then all of a sudden a lil croc just run into the room like a fuckin gremlin lol and i was shocked for a bit. Then i remembered my brother do have a pet crocodile but i feel like it was dead tho. I take a second look and the lil croc fella was greener than i remembered.

I went out of the room looking for my brother but again i was shocked by the flood that fills the whole upstairs. I hop on some of the stone so i don't touch the waters  and then i saw my brother was standing on a bigger stone platform that has stalagmites attaching from the platform to the ceiling (at this point the whole rooms feels like a cave pool with murky waters. My brother points out the bunnies in my sister's room and i reoly "i know" then i asked about the croc and he said "oh yeah, that's one of their younglings, you'd better watch out for their mother". Then i look down and then there she is peeking on the water beneath my feet and then idk, it got my foot or somethin idk lol i forgor

3. My first Lucid dream?

This one was pretty silly, so i was in a hallway, kinda like a european/american school or an office hallway with a blue carpet in the middle (basically some kinda of liminal space. I was chased by a dark brown monster with big dark dead eyes staring into my soul and big creepy with considerably long head. He kinda made out of bronze or somethin but have a bit more yellow glow. So i kept runnin  and go inside each rooms but some of these doors are weird like some of them are small like lockers which is why i sometimes confused it with actual lockers (or maybe i'm just stupid) and everytime i go into a room it always either like an office with no people or some people there workin but ignored me who's being chased by that monster or and empty office room without any furniture. I kept going into rooms and rooms until i got into a dead end and the monster caught me. I think then i woke up a bit and realized it was just a nightmare and thought "hey that was pretty cool, it feels like a video game" so went back to sleep trying to get the same dream lol.

I got the same dream and this time i treat it like a video game. My 2nd round wasn't that bad. I tried a strategy of being more quiet but it slows me down and the monster was catching up so i had to go fast and loud aaaannd eventually the monster caught me again. This is basically like that png chase gmod game at this point lmao.

Then the 3rd time i didn't expect there was 2 of my friends Amar and Andi Fikri was playing with me in this dream. I think i did worse on this one cuz i kept opening lockers instead of doors and i tried the same strategy but the monster was faster than i thought so i had to go fast while trying to maintain my silence. I got into a dead end and i accepted my defeat. Everything was quiet all of a sudden for a few seconds. I turn back slowly like a classic horror movie style and then boom jumpscared. I know i was lost but i couldn't wake up and it was hard to breathe cuz i got fuckin stuffed nose. I tried so hard and thankfully i woke up. At that point i think i was abusing too much of my power lol.

[moral-turpitudes]

College Headcanons: Modern!Peaky Blinders Edition

Part 1 | Part 2

A/N: This came to me in a dream. Enjoy. 

Thomas Shelby:

Double Major: Political Science and Business Management (bc he likes to work himself to death) Minor: Military Sciences/ROTC

Likes debating and trying to outsmart the professor.

Often seen on campus with bloody knuckles from rocking someone’s jaw.

Would 100% punch a motherfucker for being mean to someone he cares about.

Doesn’t need to be in a fraternity to be known around campus, just don’t mess with him and you’ll be fine.

All the girls whisper as he walks by but he don’t give a fuck cuz he has to go to his lectures.

He’s on time for every class and pulls out his pocket watch if the professor is more than 5 minutes late. If the professor can’t bother showing up then he dips out.

Almost got suspended for one too many fist fights.

Has a “thing” for the barista at the campus Starbucks. He learned after frequent visits, that her name was Grace and that she liked black coffee just like him.

Mysterious and moody af. No one knows if they’ve ever seen him smile, except when chatting up Grace.

Tries his best to study, but ends up getting dragged into his siblings shenanigans or into his head about the family business.

Keeps to himself for the most part, except for having a few close friends.

Hates technology so he uses a typewriter and prefers receiving letters/mail over emails.

Can’t figure out how to use Grace the baristas phone when typing in his number and tells her to write it down instead.

Often tells her to meet him after her shift. 😏

Professors hate him because of his reliance on paper. Totes not eco-friendly but he doesn’t care. Tommy always gets his way.

Grace always gives him a cookie for free cuz she knows he forgets to eat.

Always seen smoking or sneaking drinks of whiskey in a flask, even at 7am lectures.

Binge drinks on weekends with his bros, and drunk calls barista Grace when he has maybe 3 working brain cells left for the night. On other weekends when he’s coherent, he meets with Polly and tries to discuss business plans since their dad dipped out like a bitch.

To make matters worse, after dating for a while, Grace just leaves him. He thinks his aunt Polly may have been too hard on her, but he didn’t know until later that she lied when she said she didn’t know about the business. But barista bitch knew everything, and was gonna expose them to her higher-ups in the criminal justice department before long.

Arthur Shelby:

Major: Agriculture Minor: Military Science/ROTC

Graduated just barely.

Ended up in some trouble with his peeps in the military science department, probs for cussing someone out.

Angry, loud, and emotional af.

Loved drinking with John and his frat boy friends.

No one messed with him if they valued their life.

Started one too many fights and got suspended for reals. Almost beat a man to death but we don’t talk about that.

He gets stressed really easily so in his free time he draws horses.

When he gets real mad he takes it to the campus boxing ring and punches to his hearts content.

On his way back to his dorm one night he saw a girl who was in his agriculture class. She was cute and also in a “Christian” ministry group on campus. He decided to chat her up when she was preaching, just to see what it was about.

They later dated but then she cheated around with a fellow churchy man and just went off the rails. When he found out it wasn’t pretty.

Her friends and pastor most likely shamed her cuz she be ✨sinning✨. Therefore not helping her mental state.

Her name was Linda. Never trust a Linda.

Everyone tried to console Arthur but only boxing and drinking at Johns frat house did the trick.

Tommy often had to run to his dorm in the middle of the night to talk him out his mental breakdowns. College is hard.

In the end, he was glad he did agriculture even if his crazy ex would constantly stare at him during lectures, probably plotting his demise.

Some days he’d take out his frustrations by chopping wood and helping out on the farm where he worked and studied most days.

But you bet your ass fuckin’ Linda showed up to his dorm one time though with a gun and tried to shoot him, but she didn’t know his brothers and aunt were there too. Polly may have shot her in the arm tho. But when the campus PD showed up shit really went down.

We don’t know where Linda is now, but that’s probs for the best.

John Shelby:

Major: Music (idk I felt like he’s a musical boi) Minor: Military Science/ROTC

He’s a frat boy through and through. He drops it low on the dance floor and is known to dive onto beer pong tables.

Constantly going to parties and hooking up with sorority girls, that is until he meets a girl named Esme who’d been dragged to the party by her friends.

Suddenly he ain’t no hoe no more, he’s head over boots in love with her and she loves him too.

They be sneaking around in various buildings, often having to make a run for it to escape security.

He’d play her songs after hard training days with his military buds cuz it helps him calm down.

He’s not as violent as his older brothers, but he’ll fuck a person up if needed.

His fraternity is the second most important thing to him besides his girl. He loves the energy of the fraternity, the partying, and acting a whole fool with his friends, but Esme has him whipped.

His studies are struggling though cuz he loves to get turnt. He hates the studying aspect of college.

Always getting his brothers into trouble.

Snorts coke off Esme’s tits on occasion at the frat parties. It’s a wild time.

Has the mouth of a sailor but a heart of gold.

Talks of kids with Esme after dating for a year. Can’t afford a ring yet tho, but their bud Jeremiah marries them anyway on a whim.

After Arthur and the Grace fiasco ensues, he drops out of college because Esme falls pregnant. In the end, she ends up getting the chickens and wild cottage!core house she’d always wanted. They both decide to raise their kids there, living their best lives until Tommy drags them into more family matters later on.

Ada Shelby:

Major: English Minor: Gender & Women’s Studies

Always seen in the most stylish clothes.

She’s quiet most times but can be very knowledgeable on various subjects.

She’s constantly going off on her older brothers and trying to smack some sense into them.

Feels like something is off with the barista Tommy’s been seeing, but it’s not her problem.

Can 100% find her chilling in the back of Starbucks reading old novels or writing literature reviews.

When she’s not there, she’s holed up in the library where she works part time, studying and practicing for debates.

10/10 would fuck in the library cuz she knows all the best secret places to go to. 😏

Organizes meetings with different campus associations and demands equality for students.

Spends her free time surfing the net for clothes or keeping an eye out for a potential new bae.

Is probably the best at studying. She earns the best grades let’s be honest.

Will not hesitate to call a bitch out. She may not throw hands but she’ll throw words that can cut you like a knife.

Works for the campus paper, spilling all the tea on campus life. Her brothers often reluctantly agree to be her mock interview subjects for a range of assignments.

She breaks necks when walking around campus, everyone moves out of their way for her.

She’s a bad bitch.

Finn Shelby:

Major: Photography Minor: English

He hates how violent his brothers are but would 10/10 back them up if needed.

Often asks Ada for advice on studying and girls.

Doesn’t like the frat boy scene like John, but goes to the parties anyways with his best friends Isiah and Bonnie.

He’s a freshman and you can tell. He still has a glimmer of life in his eyes and a pep in his step as he walks around campus.

When he’s not taking pictures for class, he’s taking pictures of his girlfriend.

She’s his muse even when doing the simplest of things like sitting in a chair or reading one of his English books.

Each week he’d surprise her with a picture he took when she wasn’t looking, telling her how beautiful she is.

He may not look strong, but after many nights at the boxing ring with Arthur, he knew how to throw a punch.

He almost flunked his studies a couple times, getting too caught up in partying or being with his girl, but Ada and his Aunt Polly set him straight.

Voted by his family as most likely to not get arrested or suspended from college.

He’d have deep conversations with his friends, often confusing them because it was just that deep.

In his spare time he’d go boxing with Arthur or would try to help Tommy with his essays, but Tommy would get frustrated and tell him to fuck off within the first 10 minutes.

Polly Gray:

Profession: Business Management Professor Side Job: Managing the blinder business with Tommy

When she’s not teaching class, she’s managing the blinder business that was left to her and Tommy to tackle. This also means covering up any suspicions that arise on campus. She has her hands full.

She’s Tommy’s only shred of common sense some days when he gets too stressed out from his 10,000 majors and minors, or wants to plan to overthrow the university.

Will not hesitate to slap someone, preferably her unruly nephews.

Anyone can lie to her but the truth always falls through the cracks, and when she finds out, you’d pray you faced the devil instead.

In her spare time she reads tea leaves and prays for the corrupt souls of her son and his cousins. She really just begs to god that they can come together for once to get the business in line, but even that may be asking too much.

Knows a snake when she sees one. *cough* *cough* Grace the barista.

She’s the first one to tell someone I told ya so, especially her students when they flunk her tests because they decided to get drunk the night before.

When she’s not yelling at her nephews or grading papers, she can be seen at the local bar chatting up coworkers and old flames, hoping to find “the one” eventually. She ends up having a “thing” for the quirky Philosophy professor though. He’s kind of shady cuz she finds out he’s in a similar business on the side, but it only makes her like him more. She craves the danger.

They later end up in a whirlwind romance similar to John and Esme, and everyone loves that for them.

She can also be seen with her head in her hands when trying to persuade Tommy to use technology.

“What is copy and paste Pol? Can’t I just write it down? What’s up with all these gadgets aye?”

“If you want your hand to fall off and to make me lose my mind, then yes, write it down. Grading is bloody hard enough as it is, let alone grading your papers. You’re just like your father ya know, always doing things the hard way.”

Tells Gina off when she gets the chance just like she did Grace. She didn’t shoot her like Linda though, she just hurt some feelings.

May have aided in Grace’s “sudden” departure…maybe…just a little bit.

Secretly ships Tommy with a woman named Lizzie who had been her assistant at her office. She knew she could trust her more, at least.

Despite her harshness, she’s just trying to keep her family from completely fucking up their lives.

Michael Gray:

Major: Accounting Minor: Business Management

Like Tommy, he doesn’t get the hype of fraternities so he just hangs out with his cousins or his small circle of friends, they aren’t saints though.

His mom, Polly is his business management professor. She always calls on him and gives him a hard time when he spaces out in class.

Is often seen around campus with a few friends or his girlfriend Gina who he met in business class. They’re sickening and it was like a whirlwind romance tbh.

He usually finds himself cleaning up his cousin’s messes when it comes to fighting, but if he has to throw some punches he will.

He’s not as impulsive when it comes to matters of business, but where matters of the heart are concerned that’s another story.

When the blinders and Polly were all at her house for dinner one night he announced he was going to marry Gina. Arthur and John laughed and Tommy smirked slightly, still butt-hurt after his Grace left him for little-to-no reason. Ada grinned and bared the news whilst Polly nearly smacked him on the head.

People didn’t dare mess with him, and that went for all his cousins as well.

He spent a majority of his days in class crunching numbers, and most his nights out with the boys getting drunk or fuckin’ with Gina.

Because his mom held him accountable, his grades rivaled Ada’s causing them to get into some friendly competition at times.

He’s cunning like Tommy though. He got into many a screaming match with the older blinder after trying to take over his position in the family business. It ended in some black eyes and Polly smacking both of them with her newspaper. He knew better than to mess with the devil himself.

Despite the tensions between the cousins at times, he’s always the one they go to when they can’t figure out their math homework, and he’d always have to meet one of them in the library at 3 am to smuggle in some cocaine and a drink to keep them studying.

[thedumpsterqueen]

Standards of Performance, Chapter 4: Misjudgments and Saviors

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

AO3 Link

Sorry it's later than normal! I procrastinated the fuck out of the last half of this chapter and just got it finished. This chapter was originally going to include way more than just the interrogation, but the word count got away from me. Not a ton of Hotch in this chapter, but fear not, you will be fed next week ;) Also dark!Hotch hits different, you cannot change my mind. I hope you enjoy, thank you to everyone who takes the time to follow me, share my fic, and send me such kind messages. It means the world! <3

Summary:  You’re the BAU’s newest intern, desperate to prove yourself amongst an established team of much more experienced profilers. Agent Hotchner, the seemingly infallible team leader, sets strict expectations for your performance. He commands your respect without even trying, but is there something more to your relationship than a simple desire to impress your stony-faced boss?

Chapter: 4, Misjudgments and Saviors

Chapter Summary: The team interrogates Ellory Matthews and discovers that just because a killer is easy to catch, doesn't mean he's easy to predict.

Words: 2929

Rating: Explicit, 18+ (REMINDER: I don’t use chapter warnings to avoid spoilers. Assume violence, smut, etc. are possible in all chapters. Check AO3 for more exact tags <3)

Pairings: Hotch x Reader, Hotch x You

You threw on your work clothes and clambered into the back of the SUV in the dark, silent hotel parking lot. Morgan and Hotch were sitting up front, Morgan looking as exhausted as you felt and clutching a steaming cup of coffee like it was his lifeline, Hotch looking as startlingly unfazed as ever.

You caught a glance of the car’s clock up front between them and shook your head. Two in the morning - not an optimal time to interrogate anyone, much less try to force a confession out of a man desperate to avoid the consequences of a triple murder. If you were lucky, he’d fold quickly and the bulk of the paperwork could be pushed off until tomorrow when you’d all had more than a few hours of sleep.

After a blessedly brief drive (Hotch had a habit of ignoring speed limits, even in non-emergencies) and arriving at the police precinct, the three of you stood in the windowed room looking into where Matthews was being held. A police officer - you forgot his name, but he was one of the same ones who briefed you when you’d first arrived - gave you the rundown of his arrest.

“He was back on campus,” the cop said. “We stopped checking everyone in who entered through the gates after 10, so he must have waited until after then. Campus police were on a patrol when they heard screaming. He tried to grab a girl walking home from the library and got his ass pepper sprayed.”

You suppressed a snort at that. For someone who’d gone to such over-the-top measures to subvert the authorities after murdering three women at once, he was continuing to prove your initial theory, unprofessional though it was - he was an idiot.

Hotch thanked and dismissed the officer, who left after shooting one more glance of barely-suppressed disgust through the one-way window. Just the three of you now, you stepped forward, looking at your subject.

The first thing you noticed was his youth - he was young, around your age, which shocked you despite already knowing that information. He was big, too; not overly fit, but he certainly looked strong enough to have had the upper hand on nearly any female victim he chose. His face, inflamed and dripping with tears from the effects of the pepper spray, was his defining feature in that it wasn’t particularly defining at all. The structure was mildly unattractive - too-big nose, downturned eyes - and the symmetry just off enough that the absence of a stellar personality to compensate would render him nearly invisible to the opposite sex. That, you supposed, combined with a predisposition towards instability and a repeated lack of success with women, had created the perfect storm of obsessiveness and delusion that produced the three (almost four)-time rapist and murderer that sat on the other side of the glass.

“We need a confession,” Hotch said, breaking you out of your internal analysis, “but we also need to know if he’s done this before. Garcia put together a list of missing women that fit the victimology here as well as in Arizona and Nevada. Considering he dumped bodies there, we can assume he has some degree of comfort with those areas.”

Morgan grabbed the aforementioned list from Hotch and shook his head. “There’s dozens of names on this list.”

Hotch nodded in acknowledgement. “I know. That’s why I’d like to get closure for as many of the families as possible. But first, let’s focus on the three we know about.” He turned to you. “Morgan and I will go in first. We may have some success with intimidation from male authority figures, but I don’t see us piquing enough interest to get a confession. Normally, I’d send Prentiss or JJ in a situation like this, but I have full faith you can handle it.”

He paused, inspecting your face, no doubt gauging your reaction. “How do you feel about interacting with him?”

You felt sick, to tell the truth, knowing you were an exact match for his preferences. More than that, you felt woefully unprepared to conduct your second-ever interrogation under the scrutiny of two of the BAU’s experienced agents, including your boss. Especially your boss, whose gravelly voice and piercing eyes seemed to be occupying much more of your mental real estate than you were comfortable with.

You reassured him that you’d be fine, though, because looking like you were scared of interviewing a serial killer cast doubt on your ability to actually, you know, do your job . And if you watched Morgan and Hotch enter the interrogation room while really hoping that Hotch was underestimating their ability to crack him, well, no one needed to know.

Morgan swung the folding chair around, sitting with his arms propped on the backrest, directly across from Matthews. Matthews’ gaze, however, was glued to Hotch, who was standing with his arms crossed diagonally behind Morgan. You couldn’t see Hotch’s face, as his back was to you, but you knew what it looked like - jaw taut, lips pressed tight, frown even more pronounced than usual. Intimidating to anyone he came across, probably even more so if you were someone he was about to interrogate on suspicion of murder.

They made their introductions and began.

“Listen, Ellory, I’m gonna be straight with you here,” Morgan said, leaning forward. “This is not looking good for you, my man. We got you on attempted kidnapping at the same school three murdered girls attended. We have friends of these victims say they talked about a creepy teaching assistant in their classes. You’ve got piles of criminal psychology textbooks hidden in your house with notes that match what happened to these girls exactly. Put this in front of a jury, you’re getting convicted no question. At this point, it’s a matter of whether or not you wanna work with us and make this a little easier on you. You feel me?”

Matthews mumbled something indistinct, looking at his feet.

“Speak up,” Hotch commanded. You’d seen this before, what Morgan jokingly called the “good cop, bad drill sergeant” routine, but it always amazed you how easily they slipped into the roles.

Matthews looked up then, defiant. “They’re not mine.”

Morgan scoffed. “What aren’t? The books? C’mon man, they were under your mattress. In your house. No one’s buying that.”

“Well, it’s true,” Matthews mumbled, looking back down at his hands. “Don’t know how they got there.”

“And the girl?” Morgan asked, obviously unconvinced. “How you wanna explain you trying to kidnap a girl who fits the exact profile of three other girls who got kidnapped and killed in the same week?”

He whipped his head up at that, furious. “I wasn’t kidnapping her. She needed a ride. It was late.”

Hotch spoke up, his tone cutting. “Then why did she taze you?”

“She didn- look, she was confused, okay? I don’t know.”

“Sounds to me like she was pretty fuckin’ ungrateful,” Morgan offered. You cringed. You knew what he was playing at, but it was hard to hear nonetheless.

He continued, “Pretty girl like her, it wasn’t safe walking around that late, right? And you try to be a gentleman, try to help, and she freaks out and attacks you. That’d piss me off too, man.”

“Yeah. I guess,” Matthew responded, eyes flicking between Morgan and Hotch, seemingly unsure.

“Don’t worry about him,” Morgan said. “He’s just here cuz he has to be. Listen. We’re on the same page here. I’m you, I’m nice to these girls, I offer them rides, I treat ‘em like a gentleman. They turn around and act stuck-up, like they’re too good for me, right? That makes me mad.”

He paused, waiting for Matthews’ reaction. Matthews nodded, hesitant.

“So, what? Maybe I see them after they graduate or leave the college and confront them or something; tell them off for being such assholes to me when I was their TA. Maybe it gets heated, I gotta defend myself, someone gets hurt. Now, that’s not my fault, right?”

Matthews nodded again, more enthusiastic this time.

“Is that what happened to those girls, Ellory?” Hotch asked.

The room fell silent, waiting on his response. You leaned forward, nose almost pressed against the glass, praying it would really be this easy.

Matthews opened and closed his mouth, unsure. Morgan had worked him up, you could tell - his face was red, his hands balled up into fists on the table. He took a deep breath…

…and shook his head.

You cursed, stepping away from the glass. You heard Hotch and Morgan exit the interrogation room and come in behind you. You turned to face them.

“I thought you had him for sure,” you groaned to Morgan.

“Me too,” he replied, “but we got close. She going in next?” he asked Hotch.

Hotch looked at you. “He’s close to cracking. Act like he’d be doing you a huge favor by confessing, like you’d be in his debt. He wants to feel powerful, important. Convince him he can be.”

Catering to a man’s ego was a skill you’d fine-tuned after years of studying under, working with, and existing alongside them. Most men you’d had to flatter didn’t inspire quite so much disgust, however.

Just pretend he’s another idiot at a bar.

You straightened your cardigan and nodded. “I’m ready.”

“Remember,” Hotch said, “we’re right here. If you get too uncomfortable, just leave. This is a lot to ask of you so early in your position; I won’t blame you if it doesn’t go to plan.”

You nodded again and tried your best to smile. “Gotta learn sometime though, right?”

Morgan held out his fist to bump, and you obliged. “That’s my girl,” he said. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”

Hotch looked much less enthusiastic, but opened and held the door for you anyways. You took a deep breath and entered, plastering what you hoped was a convincing smile on your face. Matthews looked up, surprised, and returned your smile. He looked so normal in that moment, it was hard for you to reconcile that this was the same man who stalked, raped, and murdered three women and led authorities on a purposeless goose chase to divert suspicion.

Taking a seat directly across the table from him, you introduced yourself. “I’m the new intern at the BAU. I asked my boss if I could come talk to you. I just don’t feel like they really understood you, ya know?” You grinned, hoping the flattery would stick.

It appeared to, as Matthews leaned forward and spoke in a hushed voice, as if he was confiding in you. “I know how guys like that are. They think they’re the shit. Women always fall for that, though.” He looked at you intensely, and you started to realize very quickly why his victims had found him unsettling. “You don’t fall for that, right? That alpha male stuff?”

You forced out a laugh. “No, I prefer more sensitive guys. Ones that you can have a conversation with.”

“Are we having a conversation?”

“Wh-what? I’m sorry?”

“Are we having a conversation?” he repeated, still holding intense eye contact.

“Well, yes, I would say so,” you replied. “On that note, um, I wanted to be honest with you. It would really mean a lot to me if the families of -” you paused, choosing your words carefully, “- the three girls we’ve been talking to you about could get closure.”

“How do you mean?” asked Matthews, leaning back and crossing his arms.

“I just mean, they don’t know what happened to them, you know? And if we could tell them that whatever happened to them, it was a misunderstanding, and the person who did it feels bad, I think that would help a lot.”

Matthews’ beady, swollen eye twitched at that. “Feels bad?”

Oh, fuck.

“Sorry, I don’t know if bad is the right word, just that they didn’t want that to happen. For them to die.”

He paused. Seemed to make a decision.

"Who said I didn't want them to die?"

You had misjudged him - in that moment, you knew that. You had assumed the fatal ends to the encounters with his victims were born out of shame. That he felt remorse. That he didn’t want to mutilate and discard their bodies, and that the purposeful distractions from his true psychological profile had been a desperate attempt of an unintelligent man to throw the police off his trail. He was a creep, he was a stalker, he was obsessive and dangerous, and he was unintelligent. But he was also a sadist.

Realizing how pathetically unprepared you were to deal with this new diagnosis, you pushed back from the table and moved to stand - slowly, like you were trying to avoid startling a wild animal. Trying. But it all happened so fast.

Matthews shot up from his seat the instant you did - uncuffed, because he wasn’t supposed to be a threat, not like this - and grabbed you by the neck, dragging you across the table, scraping your legs against the hard metal edges. You screamed for help (really just screamed Hotch’s name over and over) until he had you too tight and you couldn’t anymore. Your hair was in your face, obscuring your vision, but you heard the door crash open seconds after he moved. He wrenched you closer to him, trapping you in the crook of one elbow, cutting off your breathing. More than cutting off your breathing, he was squeezing, much harder than he needed to simply choke you, and amidst the haze of your hair in your face and the blood rushing in your ears and the muffled sounds of Hotch and Morgan yelling, you had the wild thought that he might actually detach your head from your shoulders.

They can’t shoot, you thought, your last clear notion before your mind started to go fuzzy. He had you too close; the space was too small. A loud crash, presumably the table being launched against a wall, cut through the pounding in your head. You felt a sharp jerk - Matthews trying to move away - a sickening, dull crack, and the vice holding your throat was released. You dropped forward onto your hands and knees, hacking desperately, tears streaming onto the ground.

Morgan grabbed you by the shoulders and sat you up. “You ok? Hey, look at me, you ok? Can you breathe? Breathe for me, ok, come on.”

Coughing out a raspy, “Yes,” you pushed your hair out of your eyes and wiped your sleeve through the snot and mascara streaking your face. You looked to your left, trying to see what happened to Matthews, and nearly stopped breathing again.

He was dead, collapsed into a pile on the floor like sodden laundry. There was no blood, no apparent evidence of what happened, until you looked to his head and saw how grossly contorted his neck was. You looked up at Hotch in shock, who was standing over the body, hair askew, breathing heavily.

He broke his fucking neck.

Morgan could’ve done it, of course, but by the way Hotch looked up and met your eyes, you knew that wasn’t the case.

They gathered you up and wrapped you in a jacket. You saw paramedics almost immediately who cleared you medically (“No permanent tracheal damage, just expect bruising and soreness.”), met with internal investigators who questioned you about the incident, spoke to the rest of the team on a video call, spent 20 minutes on the phone with Garcia trying to reassure her between coughing fits that you were all alright, and finally, you were cleared to leave. The whole time, though, you were paying less and less attention to what was going on around you and more time thinking about the way Hotch looked when you looked him in the face.

You knew he had to have killed before; working this job for as long as he did made that a certainty. What you didn’t expect to see on his face was a complete lack of remorse. Disgust, even. He looked down at Matthews like he was scum, his lip curled and his jaw set. It was only when you made eye contact that you saw the slightest bit of emotion, of panic, before they whisked you away.

Morgan interrupted your cyclical musing. “You need someone to stay with you?”

Right, he was dropping you off at your hotel room.

“No, thank you Morgan,” you whispered, throat feeling more raw by the minute. “I’ll be okay.”

Morgan looked unconvinced but refrained from debating you. “Alright, but you know to call if you need anything, right?”

You nodded and managed a small smile. “Thank you.”

____________

Later that day, you took a commercial flight back, alone. Morgan and Hotch were staying for a few more days to finish closing the case, but they insisted you go home and rest. You were too drained to argue.

When you closed your eyes to sleep that night, in your own apartment, you expected to see Matthews, jeering at you from across the table. You expected to feel his arms wrap around your throat, to smell his stench, to wake up in a cold sweat thinking he was standing over you, ready to attack you again.

None of those things happened. In fact, when you closed your eyes, Matthews wasn’t the man you saw at all.

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 3 notes popping off

due to my desire to not completely fail all my classes this year i made myself slow down significantly while listening to this season, and the fact that the other person i'm listening along with had to catch up. We've managed to convert several other people to start listening and its pretty great.

ep 81: what does it even mean to be chosen by one of them? And if he was chosen by the eye. we know Gertrude wasnt? Because she cut the eyes out of the magazines?

ep 82: elias lmao. I understand why people like him so much bahshdhdk i thought he was gonna snitch on Jon but he didnt so he's fine. Ok but how do we think he knew all that stuff. Idk probably just institute connections. I love the fact that the recorder just wants to record stuff randomly bjahsjdhd. Elias feels a lot like Michael in the sense that he knows more than he should and talks in a way that implies he just wants to wait and see how things play out for his own benefit. I understand him knowing the things that happened but his description of her emotions implies something paranormal. Maybe he's connected to one of the entities. Which one I cannot guess.

ep 83: did a file get delivered randomly to the place he's staying at? Probably elias lmao. He thinks the mannequin is related to the stranger. Idk I would believe it.

ep 84: worms? I know he says earth worms but idk. Again? Is she making gordon golems out of trash? Martin popping off. You can tell the statements get to him more that they get to Jon. How come martin is so mad about it? I want to assume he just doesnt want her to get stuck there but idk. Jude Perry. The calliope organ. Jon heard a circus in one of the last episodes

ep 89: he's talking to perry? Like jude Perry? He says ... God? Is that what it is? Lmao. The Desolation. Jon is tired of ppl being vague and not telling him stuff lmao. Oh God Jon is so confused. Compel her? Is she assuming he has some kind of power? Does he have powers? Hmm. im agreeing with jon here please jesus christ why does everyone have to be so cryptic. Just say what you mean. "maybe you get an itchy eye" bahasjkdfklsjdf girl what. Agnes saved her? Oh this is the girl from the cafe story? So theres the Cult of the Lightless Flame? They worship whatever entity this is? The Desolation? Why do they all seem like they sorta worship her then? Is Gretchen gonna die oh god. fuckin michael. a different michael aaah. i see. dont do it shes gonna burn you. sir. please. sir dont you dare do- WHAT DID I SAY what did you think was gonna happen hhh.

ep 90: try to make it less obvious you're trying to get fired big T. Elias that doesnt sound like the most healthy thing to do. oh dear is this gonna be triggering for me. uuuuuh. uuuuuuuuuh. doesnt seem like it ok gonna keep listening. Jared. hmmmmm. Ok we've seen Keay and hotner or whatever his name was.

ep 91: Michael Crew. Oh is this the lightning scar guy. Mister jon sir did you just die. No? God everyone is so fuckin cryptic. Say normal things please. They all just like to go on about pain and agony and j e s u s c h r i s t we get it you got hurted by whatever thing. So theyre avatars? question mark? Jude Perry is an avatar of The Desolation? hhhh fractals. thats a spiral thing innit. Yup. messing with your perceptions. God they all talk about feeding their god and feeding that which feeds them and. hh what does that meann. Leave big J. please. uh oh. is it daisy? how come he has the web lighter still? the tape recorder just turns on sometimes you know how it is. So he can compel people? not that he knows it obviously but. a bit wack. powers go brr i guess? If the eye just wants knowledge i guess he feeds it by getting the statements? b/c i doubt it wants him to murder ppl or whatever.

ep 92: elias you all knowing fuck what do you know. (i guess all given what i just said) Lukas. Heard of them before. Mordecai Lukas. Loneliness. The lonely even. Jonah Magnus. Elias ur sounding like a bit of a dickhead rn. lmao jon's just like "i dont care" elias what is ur deal. Why does he want to tie her in. ohh i see. lmao theyre all just like "elias why" The Unknowing lol seems very much like something the eye wouldnt like. lol elias is gettin all philosophical. what does it really mean to be human. this still doesnt answer why gertrude wanted to destroy the archives tho.

ep 93: bahsjdfh he seems so dead inside rip. awww admiral. i love him already. ghh breacon and hope. purple mold. doesnt sound like anything we've seen so far. I think the funniest explanation for breacon and hope is that they dont actually serve the stranger they just kinda happen to be a random neutral party that cart around random spooky entity related stuff. ooooh. when we hear the slight static of the tape recorder it's cuz he's compelling ppl.

ep 94: the end! listen man they were all just grayed up for 4/13.

ep 95: the end also? death but also savagery/ animalistic shit. aww martin. lmao becerra. she's just been chillin in the corner.

ep 96: return to sender. haha minecraft go brr. prediction: breacon and hope? yup there we go. jon why is there an echo. are you in a stairwell? is he gonna eat it- yup. how did i call it. unsure abt what theyre talking about but ok. they kidnapped someone? Sarah Baldwin. ooooh that guy.

ok im just putting this here so i have notes for when nicholas gets to this part. It seems like (from jon's conversation with jude perry) that the desolation and the eye are kinda at odds with eachother? like i guess not directly but it seems like they dont really vibe? so how could be with both. Cuz if he has the heat powers and shit then we know he's an avatar of the desolation. but then why does he have so much eye imagery. also he got burned intentionally? like jude did when she went on her monologue about the feeling of burning? but then why did he wear the eye pendant. it stops him from being burned all the way which seems like he's not fully accepting the fire or whatever.

Nooooo I lost like a bunch of my notes rip. I keep forgetting to save.

Ep 104: tim gives a coherent statement without jon even being there. Ugh. Fucking robert smirk. Dont like him. Joey. Dont recognize the name. The show must go on. Clown. The spooky circus?

ep 105: total war... shogun 2? jon is just understanding languages again. "if i understood mandarin or cantonese" are you sure you dont big man?

ep 106: havent we heard this one already? mans in space? oh no this is just another episode in space. fairchild... uuuh. cant remember. oh! this is related to that! this is one of the ppl from the other side. sounds like a Vast thing. oh he's the one that the dude saw? but that guy didnt have a face... she's sorta like jon. wanting to dismiss the statements. lmao i love the workplace gossip. ace jon for the win! oh cmon elias dont be a dick. sunny meadows or whatever. thats the place we heard about.

ep 107: oh great is it jude perry again. Third Degree. bahahsdkfj she was arrested. sorry but imagining this old british lady getting arrested is funny. she was trying to resurrect him. using the skin book. he's not feeling well. jon take a nap. i wonder if this is what happens when he uses his powers too much. He gets into The Zone when he reads statements lol. didn't we have a burning train car in anothre statement? is it julia fairchild? bahahahs "kidnapped. Again." poor jon honestly. julia... about her dad. daughter of the murder shed guy? hunting like your dad liked to hunt or normal people hunting. oh hunting vampires!

ep 108: melanie has been suffering. poor martin peter lukas why do you have to be like this. can he not just use the front door? does he have to bother the ppl doing statements?

ep 109: how come he cut her off? kinda rude tbh. its either jon's influence or there was smth he didnt want her saying. is it gerard on the table? this sounds kinda like smth from one of the university episodes. is it the closed eye on the hand? yup. he's like one of the students! if the thing listening in is elias then... he can do that without the tape recorder yknow. plus who's to say it wont just turn itself on again

110: who wants to bet its a leitner?

111: Lukas related to The Lonely. I used to not like Gerard that much but i like him more now. but i thought there were 15? ohhh thats right isnt flesh newer? gerry for the win honestly. finally telling jon things.

112: lol "again" no one ever tells any of these ppl anything. tim and basira are just out of the loop constantly. music, like the war episodes. The hunt or the slaughter? probably the hunt. so Daisy is related to the hunt right? basira likes the reading, she's doing fine at the institute. daisy's getting worried...

113: it just turned on randomly. what is it lol. explossives! oh boy. why do they always assume he turned it on intentionally. melanie youre not making me like you that much. which entity is this about i cant tell. lol he was disappointed it was just the end. The title Breathing Room made me think it was gonna be about the buried but i guess not. So many of these entities deal with death but the end is one that deals in just death. it has no need for fancy deaths, just death is enough

114: more hilltop road statements? the tree. oh boy. ok the tree has 8 arms obviously theres the spider parallels. was she taken into an alternate universe? oh no. jon tries to phrase things so he's not asking questions. thats honestly good. "sometimes i was kidnapped" oh dear. they got gertrude. daisy ur so odd lmao. who wants to bet they dont know the tape recorder's running?

115: silaca? or whatever? antique man? meat grinder... related to the meat is meat episode? oh wow. they buy antiques from him. maybe dont antagonize this creature which can kill you?

116: lol theyre all just so done with elias. music? is it like the one band that if you hear them you die or wtvr. oh its chess? i am very much confused. mmm stranger go brr. gorilla skin? oh shit the dance. woah. this is so good. this is so gender. the words are wonderful. "you can just say tim" lmao trying to fool elias never feels like a good idea.

117: except elias lmaoo. oh shit. leitner getting some use for once idk. bruuh poor melanie she has been thru so much shit. martin you can just say youre worried about jon. lol he's so accurate in his jon impression. lol who was that. was that daisy? lmaoo. oop hi tim. oh god i hope tim doesnt die. i feel like i wouldve heard about that? but im not sure. destroying the source of knowledge is gonna be hard for jon. yay jon! you did a good thing. let him rest.

118: go off martin lmao. awww poor martin. oh god the tape gets that squealy quality and its awful.

119: woah. lots of things happening. uhh. POP OFF TIM!!

120: lmao elias giving a statement about jon's dreams lol. damn jon doesnt even get his own dreams? has to stay Watching even when he's asleep? f in the chat this man goes thru so much shit. oh boy its peter. lol martin my beloved. idk i dont trust peter.

[calpalirwin]

Insecurities

Summary: You were just a girl in a bar when Ashton Irwin literally bumped into you. His interest in you, although charming, also made you question if he was serious. After all, in what world did a man like that pursue a woman like you?

Pairings: Y/N and Ashton

And away, and away we go!

Part 1

You sighed as you set down your phone for the millionth time. You don’t know why you kept checking it. It’s not like you were waiting for anybody. No, you had made the decision to come out alone, to try and enjoy yourself without feeling the pressure to put on a face. After all, despite being old enough to drink, bars weren’t your scene. You weren’t bound to run into anyone you knew here, which had been the whole point of you challenging yourself to do something outside of your wheelhouse.

You took a small sip of your drink, wincing at the taste. Even with the extra glass of Coke you were slowly pouring into your whiskey soda to drown out the taste, the whiskey was still a tad strong for your liking. Bars weren’t your thing for a reason, you reminded yourself as you took another bitter sip. 

So there you were, staring at a still mostly full whiskey soda, in a bar, in downtown LA, on a Friday night, wondering just what the hell you thought you were doing when a loud giggle pierced your ears. The giggle was followed by a body bumping into your shoulder. A heavy sigh escaped your lips as you turned to your intruder. “Shit, sorry, love,” the man giggled with an accent you couldn’t place as you weren’t sure if it was actually an accent or not. One of his large hands came to rest gently on your shoulder, as if making his apology more sincere, and you took notice of the heart tattoo on his wrist.

“Whatever,” you answered shortly, eyeing the man standing behind you- a polka dot button down that showed off part of his chest and more tattoos on his large arms, black jeans, and boot-clad feet- with misplaced annoyance. A part of you knew he didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of your bad mood. It wasn’t his fault you were in an envious spiral and questioning every life decision you ever made. A single shock of reddish brown hair laid across his forehead, stopping just above the pair of hazel eyes that were constantly changing colors under the lights that stared at you with a puzzled expression, no doubt confused that you weren’t already drooling over him. You decided to stare back, narrowing your eyes for added effect. In any other situation this man would be an intimidating piece of eye candy. Someone that you would sputter some nonsense at with a girlish giggle of your own, smitten that a guy like that had his hand on your shoulder. But tonight, he was just somebody who wouldn’t stop staring at you, and good, God could he fucking stop?! You turned your glare to his hand that was still on your shoulder. “Ya mind?” you all but snapped.

He pulled his hand back from your shoulder and used it to brush the single shock of hair back from his face, only for it to return to its rightful place as soon as his hand fell. “Oh, feisty. I like it.” He smiled, revealing the dimple in his cheek.

“Not feisty,” you shot back, choosing to feed your annoyance rather than risk succumbing to the schoolgirl antics you felt bubbling up inside of you. A crush was the last thing you needed right now. “Just have better things to do,” you added, this time with no annoyance in your tone, just numb indifference.

“Oh, like sitting by yourself?” he teased, clearly enjoying the back and forth.

“Says you.”

He nodded in head in the direction of a booth with 3 men who were equally as large and handsome as he was, and 2 girls with more beauty in their little fingers than you possessed in your whole body. “I’m actually here with friends.”

You waved your hand dismissively, “Well, by all means, I wouldn’t want to keep you.”

He leaned in close to whisper in your ear, “Maybe I want to be kept.” His breath was warm as it grazed by your neck, causing you to shudder.

“Trust me, I’m not that interesting.”

“Cute girl alone at a bar? Isn’t that how all the interesting stories start out?”

“I’m not alone,” you said, your senses on high alert. Never let a guy knew you were alone, c’mon quick, say your friend’s in the bathroom, no, say your boyfriend’s on his way! Your mouth opened to tell him your lie, any lie, but no words came out.

His brows furrowed together. “You are alone, huh?”

Against your better judgement, you nodded. Then, “But, it was my choice. And people know where I am.”

He chuckled and nodded his head back to over where his friends were. “Well, why don’t you join us? You’d be surprised at the type of creeps that hang around bars.”

You looked over at his friends. The girls gave you the sense that it was a safe choice, certainly safer than telling him no or staying by yourself. There was something else you couldn’t quite figure out, almost like you knew them. But couldn’t remember from where. You stood up, putting your phone in your back pocket before reaching for your drinks. “Okay, Sir Giggle, I’ll join you and your friends,” you told him.

“Sir Giggle?” he giggled.

“If the name fits,” you answered.

He led you across the bar to his booth, and when his friends looked at you and back at him in question, he answered their unspoken question. “Guys this is… uh… shit…” he giggled as he shot you an apologetic look.

“Y/N,” you said, as you took the seat Sir Giggle was offering you.

“Y/N,” he smiled, both of you liking the way it sounded rolling off his lips. “Y/N this is, Luke, his girlfriend, Sierra, Mike, and his fiancee, Crystal, and that’s Cal.”

They all smiled and offered a small wave as their names were called- first the blonde haired boy, then a dark-haired girl, followed by another blonde boy and blonde girl, and then the dark haired boy- as your brain finally clicked as to why they all seemed familiar, an unintended “Oh, shit…” escaping your lips.

“Is something wrong?” Sir Giggle, better known as Ashton Fuckin Irwin, asked you.

“No. Nothing’s wrong. Just… holy shit, I know you. Well, I don’t know you. I mean… holy shit,” you began to ramble. “Sorry, I didn’t mean… I’m sure you get that all the time… shit… holy fuck, I mean, hi, God, sorry!”

Ashton giggled which caused everyone else to laugh a little, including you. “It’s fine. Cute actually.”

Did Ashton Irwin just call your fangirling cute? No. Fucking. Way. You blushed and ducked your head. “No, it’s actually really stupid. I mean, your just people. People go out to bars. It’s what people do. Normal people.” You were rambling again.

“Normal, Ash, you hear that? We’re normies,” Calum said with a grin.

“Well, Mike probably is,” you put in. “I mean, Michael. Mike? Mikey? Michael. Like you like stuff my friends like. Videogames, nerdy stuff, the likes.”

Michael chuckled, “I think that makes me a nerd, actually. And Mike’s fine. Mikey works too, I’m not picky.”

“Not a nerd,” you smiled. “A punk nerd. Cuz you’re in a… nevermind, bad joke.”

Michael laughed anyway, “Punk nerd, I like it. Got a nice ring to it.”

“Well… I like Mean Girls,” Luke spoke up.

“Oh, my God, shut up, Luke!” Michael said loudly with a roll of his eyes.

Everybody laughed at Michael’s fake-annoyance, and as you laughed with them you felt more at ease. Star status or not, people were just people.

“So, what do you do?” Crystal asked you.

“Oh, I’m a teaching assistant. But I’m finishing school so I can become a teacher,” you answered.

“Picked you a college girl, huh, Ash?” Calum asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“I didn’t…” Ashton started to protest from his seat next to you before turning to you to gauge your reaction. “I wasn’t… it was an accident, swear. So, college, huh?”

You smiled gently at him, accident or not, you were now glad he had quite literally bumped into you. This was quickly becoming one of the best nights of your life. “Yeah, I’m gonna be a senior this year. Finally.”

“What do you mean, aren’t you excited?” Ashton asked.

“No, I am. I just… well, college has taken me longer than most, so I feel a little behind the curve sometimes is all.”

“Well, it’s not a race,” Sierra spoke up. “People do things in their own way and time.”

“I guess that’s true,” you nodded. “As long as you get where you’re going, doesn’t matter the pace, right?”

“Wait… so how old are you then?” Ashton blurted. His eyes went wide as the girls glared at him, so he began to backpedal on his question “Shit… I just mean… since you said college has taken you longer than most… Aren’t most college seniors like 21 or 22?”

You nodded, “Generally, yeah. But, I’m 25.”

“Shit, no way! I just turned 25 a few weeks ago,” Ashton told you.

“I know,” you mumbled, cheeks blushing.

“Wait,” Michael asked, leaning forward. “Are you recently 25, like old man Ash? Or…?”

“My birthday was back in December, so I’m older.”

“Isn’t the band’s birthday in December?” Luke asked.

“It’s actually on my birthday,” you admitted, blushing again. “The 3rd.” It had been a fun fact you learned when you became a fan of their work, which regrettably wasn’t all that long ago.

“No shit?” Ashton asked you.

“No shit,” you repeated, cheeks still burning.

As the night wore on, the drunker everyone but you and Ashton became. You weren’t that much of a drinker, and Ashton was on a sober streak of his own. When closing time came around, Ashton offered to walk you to your car.

“A little big for a tiny thing like you, don’t ya think?” he asked, nodding at your truck.

You shrugged. You personally thought the truck was on the small side. “It gets the job done.”

He chuckled. “Text me when you get to where you’re going so I know you got there safe.”

“I don’t have your number,” you pointed out.

“Aw, love, all you had to do was ask,” he teased.

You let a small chuckle of your own as you exchanged numbers. “Thanks. For tonight. It was… nice.”

“We should do it again sometime, then.”

“Well, you have my number,” you told him.

“That I do. Drive safe, love.”

“You, too, Ash,” you said, blushing at the way he called you “Love.”

You watched as he sauntered over to his own car a few spots over, taking a quiet delight in how he waited for you to pull out of the parking lot before he pulled out of his spot. Whether you were misreading his signs or not, there was no denying that he was a guy who looked out for others. And that was never a bad thing in your book.

Your phone pinged while you were still driving down the freeway, your phone sending an automatic text back to the sender. Your phone pinged again and you stole a quick glance at the contact and smiled to yourself.

Once you were safely inside your apartment, you opened your phone to check the texts:

Hey, it’s Ash. I just got in.

I’m driving.

Dang, love, just where do you live?

I’m driving

You quickly shot back a quick text. I live in LA, just not the actual city, lol. Night, Ash.

Glad you’re safe. Sleep well, love. was the quick response back.

You fell asleep, a smile on your face.

[thehomierobbstark]

Let’s Talk About Sex

Chapter 2 Intermission Chapter 3

Pairing: Erik Killmonger x Reader [#TeamErikDon’tDateWhiteChicks]

Prompt: Aight, so iOKnoW bout yall but… I got some mad ‘fears’ about sex 😂😂😂. I got so many questions, so many horrible imaginations, so many embarrassing ass scenarios I’ve thought of in my head about what might happen when I finally do the do. Basically, ya girl been thankin (thinking) too much, and I done fucked around and thought up this shit. HUUUUGEEE shoutout to the BP groupchat for not only always keeping me entertained but for feelin me on this fic lmao. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who feel this way. Also shoutout to Poosy for her word contribution lmao.

A/N:  Ya’ll…. this really the shit that be going thru my mind lmfao like this really what I think about XD. I tried color coding the dialogue because I thought it would be too confusing but then I failed so fuck it XD. Also, it may seem like some of the words are grammatically incorrect or misspelled n the dialogue but it’s because I wanted you to read it like you would a text or message to better understand the delivery.

Warnings: At the bottom 👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿n uhhhhh yeah sit back and enjoy the journey 😂😂😂😂

This is for all my lil cute ass black gorditas out there rockin back fat, belly rolls and thick ass thighs that touch!!  x Reader is always gon be black, chubby, and sassy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okayyy… you ready?”

“Yeah, I’m ready.” You fidget nervously, fingers sweating between the joints, your heart skipping beats while you keep your eyes locked with Erik’s.

“Alright on three. One…two…three!”

At the same time, both of you flip over your papers, holding them out in front of you to show each other.

Your eyes eagerly scan over Erik’s paper, mind quickly gobbling up all the information the printed form had to offer you.

Your brain checked off each result as it read through:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patient: STEVENS, ERIK        Gender: MALE        Age: 26       DOB: 08/16/1992

COMPREHENSIVE STD PANEL RESULTS:

CHLAMYDIA                                    NEGATIVE

GONORRHEA                                  NEGATIVE

HIV TYPE 1                                      NON -REACTIVE

HIV  TYPE 2                                     NON -REACTIVE

HERPES TYPE 1                              NEGATIVE

HERPES TYPE 2                              NEGATIVE

SYPHILIS RPR                                 NEGATIVE

HEPATITIS A VIRUS ANITBODY      NON -REACTIVE

HEPATITIS B VIRUS ANTIBODY      NON -REACTIVE

HEPATITIS C VIRUS ANTIBODY      NON -REACTIVE

Thank you for choosing Planned Parenthood.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A huge sigh of relief releases from your chest, sounding like a gush of wind as it escapes through your lips.

“Oh okay, so thats how u feel,” Erik griped, giving you a side eye look.

You ignore him, not even bothering to look for his reaction at your results, knowing they were all negative like you both knew they’d be.

Just as quickly as it left, your anxiety came rearing back as you snatched his test from his hands to take a closer look, eyes wide. “Wait! What does Non - Reactive mean?!”

“So you just gon ignore me then.”

“That means negative right? Where’s my phone!” your hands swing out to the sides to blindly feel around the couch before scooping up your device.

“-_____- really.”

“Okay! Okay, google says a non-reactive result means…” You mumbled over the quick-definition google supplied as you looked for the important bits, scanning between the paper and your phone. “ … and that no anti-bodies were found! So no!”

“Omg.”

You do a little happy dance as you double check to make sure all five tests define non reactive in the same way while Erik rolls his eyes.

“Y/N you fr googled that.”

“Yes nigga! Sexual health is important and I wanna make sure I’m clear and confident in my understanding of the results!”

“Okay, well, you makin a nigga feel bad n shit gettin all worried over his test results. What, you don’t trust me baby?” Erik looks at you, and his face is pouted downcast, almost looking like a adorably sad pitbull.

“Aww baby no!” You deny, immediately throwing your arms around him to comfort him, pecking his forehead with annoying kisses as you smush his face into your chest. He grumbly accepts your kisses, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“But I mean…. you was kinda a thotpocket back in the day tho..” You joke, shrugging, and he playfully pushes you back and sucks his teeth.

“Mann stfu.  You just acting all extra cuz your body count lower.”

“Erik, for the last time, I’ve never had sex before.” You say, crossing your arms to help your statement seem more serious than you felt. Erik was always messing with you, saying he couldn’t believe that you’d never had sex before at 25, and that there was just no way.

“Nah.” He states simply.

Your neck reels back a little bit.

“Wachu mean Nah??” You get ready to defend your undefiled past and the normalcy of 20+ virgins when he leans forward to nibble on your neck, distracting you.

“I mean..” He pulls your waist against him and reaches back to grab two handfuls of ass as he keeps nibbling.

“…nah, ain’t no fuckin way you this damn fine and you ain’t ever had nobody at least worship for hours between these thighs.” He rubs all over you, fingers gliding across the beautiful curves and body rolls that covered your voluptuous frame as he presses hungry kisses with delicious pressure against your throat.

“Nigga, you’re corny as fuck.” you try to insult him, but he gives a fat wet lick right above your collarbone that feels so good, and he squeezes your ass at the breathy moan that slips out of your mouth.

He pauses his ministrations on your body and pulls back from you, chuckling and shaking his head a little before resting his forehead against yours.

“What?” You ask him, thinking he’s poking fun at you. While you may have technically been a virgin, you and Erik had definitely been routinely messing around a lot.

In between your latest heavy petting and make out sessions, Erik had a bet going to see how quickly he could get you to moan without sticking his hands down your pants. He bet 30 seconds, you bet 45. So far you hadn’t been able to make it past 38.

“You’re the horniest, freakiest, yet most innocent virgin I’ve ever met.”

A part of you wanted to ask just how many virgins he’d met, but you decided to nip your jealous possessive side in the bud before it could get the better of you. It wasn’t time for her right now.

He leans back to look you in the face, his eyes pulling at the corners exposing the teasing smile he was trying to hide.

“Umm excuse me?! What do you mean innocent? If I recall correctly, didn’t I just have you creaming your bitch ass pants the other week from just grinding on you?” You throw at him, triumphantly crossing your arms and looking down at him.

“Why they gotta be bitch ass tho.”

When you’re heavy petting session last week had suddenly turned into a full blown dry grinding competition, Erik had been so caught off guard by the intensity he actually came all over himself inside his brand new black velvet joggers he’d just bought (in your defense, the velvet did feel really nice against the thong you had on).

The bewildered look on his face made you laugh so hard, you actually keeled over and fell off the arm of the couch.  He was over it at that point, storming off to the bathroom muttering threats about ‘getting that ass back,”, hence the bet you were currently losing.

“Also, lets not act like you not the same girl who can’t even watch male masturbation videos without making a face.”

“First of all there’s nothing sexy about seeing a dude jack off, so you can stop right there.”

“That’s because you’ve never seen ME jack off.” He jokes crudely. “Bet money I’d have your mouth watering within the first five strokes.”

“Probably watering because I’m bout to throw up,” You giggle childishly, a goofy grin on your face.

“Aight Y/N, you keep talking all that shit and we gon see who really still bout that action once I get them panties off.”

Your giggles come to a screeching halt as you gasp, and he buries his teeth in the side of your neck, his hands starting to wonder down south into the back of your compression shorts.  

You fight hard not to moan again this time while he chews lightly on your neck when you suddenly start to feel self conscious.

You unconsciously start squirming around on top of him, both in pleasure and slight confusion as he massages your cheeks, one in each hand, pulling and scrunching them between his fingers.  Your anxiety starts to slowly creep back up on you, and when he draws a line with his finger down your panties between your cheeks, you involuntarily clench up and yelp just as he reaches your taint. The feeling was stuck somewhere being too good yet too much at the same time. You damn near squeezed his finger to death before it could even reach its destination.

“Okay look,” you pull back, trying to reason with both him and your body. You didn’t mean to get jumpy all of a sudden but it’s like your muscles had a mind of their own.

“Baby wassup?” He immediately stops his movements and pulls his hands from you. “Did I hurt you?!” He immediately switched over from his sexually deviant demeanor to his overprotective one, concern lining his face.

“No, no baby your fine I’m just,” You blow out a breath, a little embarrassed by how twitchy you just got, and you try to shake it off by laughing at yourself.

It’s not like Erik had never groped you there before, but for some reason it felt 10x more serious now that you both basically had the green light since you’d received your test results back.

You knew both of you would almost immediately try to jump each other’s bones once you’d get the chance, but now that it was here it’s like the part of your brain that was previously occupied with worries of false negatives and unclear test results had been replaced with insecurities you didn’t even realize you had until this very moment.

“What? You good?” Erik was still studying your face, trying to see where your head was at.

“Yeah, yeah, no I’m good,” You close your eyes and nod quickly, “I just…umm…”, you’re face grows hot as you try to get out the next words, “.. I just got a little…. nervous…??” You peek an eye open. “I guess???”

You were trying so hard to relax and let go of your anxiety, but you just couldn’t stop feeling so nervous.  Especially not when you started to worry about what he might think about it.

“Can I uh.. maybe take a shower first? Or something?” You said trying to gear the conversation back into a normal flow. If you could just take a shower real quick…

“Yeah, of course, but what’s this about?” He still looked at you, eyeing you cautiously.

“I just don’t feel clean right now,” you say, making up excuses trying to find a way out of his wandering hands.

“Y/N, I just finished rubbing your clit in the car ride over here, what do you mean you’re not clean? Are you worried that I’m worried about that?” he asks you, not believing you’re serious about this.

“I meannn, it’s been like 30 minutes tho.” You lie.

“Y/N, I don’t care about that. I’m tryna see how you taste now and then. I don’t care if you still have cum on you, I’m eating that too.”

“Okay well I have to go to the bathroom, so..” You try to move off of him and onto the floor but he holds you still, not letting you escape.

Erik sighs. “Y/N, whats really goin on? It’s okay, you can tell me.” His eyes shift between yours like he’s trying to find the answer. “If you’re not ready to have sex yet, that’s okay. We don’t have to do this today baby.” He rubs at your legs tenderly, trying to comfort you.

“No, it’s not that, I just…” He raises his eyebrows expectantly, waiting for your next words. “I wanted to shave first. Because I have hair.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Shave? I just felt how trimmed you were-”

“Not that part.” You state plainly, hoping he’d catch your drift but have enough decency not to make it too obvious once he did.

“Y/N, I swear to god if you say legs I’m gonna-”

“Oh my God Erik my asshole, okay! I need to shave my asshole!” Your face is burning now from the embarrassment of having to say that out loud to your boyfriend and you feel like melting right into the couch into a puddle of nothingness.

The silence only lasts two seconds, but its one second too long for you and you try and scramble off his lap to go hide in the bathroom in shame. A gigantic bark of laughter breaks through from Erik’s chest, and it scares the life out of you, causing you to accidentally stumble onto the floor.

Erik’s doubled over in laughter now, tears threatening his eyes and you almost think he’s laughing at you when he rolls off the couch after you, laying his heavy body on top of yours and pinning you to the floor to keep you from getting away. He gets his last bits of laughter out with his face buried in your middle, and when he finally calms down he looks up, resting his chin on your torso.

“Y/N,” He states, looking at you.

“Erik.” you answer, avoiding his eyes.

“Y/N.” He leans in closer to you.

You clear your throat, still looking off somewhere else. “What Erik.”

“Do you really honestly think that some ass hair is gonna gross me out. Do you really think that?” He’s still smiling, looking at you with so much amusement and pure love in his eyes.

When he puts it that way, it makes you feel a little ridiculous thinking about how weird you just got over body hair.

“I mean… kinda?” You say honestly, and you finally look back at him.

“I know it seems stupid but I feel like thats not..”

“Normal?” He supplies for you. You nod your head in agreement.

“Baby,” he softly says, “Ass hair is totally normal. You know that.”

You did. “But I still feel like no one ever talks about it, and you never see it in porn. Not even the homemade ones.” Yeah sure it was normal but it still felt like this dirty ugly thing no one was supposed to speak about.

“Babygirl a lot of people have ass hair. Shit, I have ass hair. Most of the girls I’ve been with had ass hair.” He chuckles again a little, comfortable with the topic you were so afraid was gonna be awkward.

Your ears prick up at his last sentence, and you lean up a little bit. Something he said caught your attention and you looked at him intently.

“Really?” You ask, looking him in the eyes.

“Really what?” He looks at you confused.

“Really, most of the girls you’ve been with had ass hair?” You look up at him, so shocked.

“Yeah. And the ones who didn’t were always waxed anyway. I promise you baby, its not a weird thing.” He assures you, trying to make sure you really understood him.

You sat there for a second, looking off into space as your thoughts started working. And then just like that, your mind all but cleared itself as realization finally dawned on you. And you started laughing.

Not a single part of you could really care how many chicks Erik had slept with, you were just so glad that almost all of them had ass hair just like you did. You were honestly so grateful that he told you that last part, otherwise you would have never been sure whether or not you really believed him when he said it didn’t bother him.

In this one, small, truly insignificant instance with Erik, you were for once really glad you weren’t an exception to the rule.

Erik joins in your humble laughter, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips. You close your eyes and kiss back, returning it with softer slower kisses as you wrap your arms around his neck and hold him close.

After a minute he breaks away, letting his forehead rest against yours.

“I really love you Y/N. And the fact that you want me to be the one to share this experience with you makes me feel really lucky,”. He rolls you both over onto your side on the floor, giving your body a break from his heavy frame, and to be able to look at you better.

“I’d never jeopardize what we have for something as trivial as body hair.  I mean, sometimes I still can’t even believe that I really get to call you all mine, and I just refuse to believe that nobody else has been able to see what’s been so obvious to me from the beginning.”

Erik shuffles around nervously under your gaze, and this time he’s the one trying to avoid your eyes. You could tell he was in a really vulnerable state, not only from his body language but also with how he was trying to verbally express himself. It was always really difficult for the both of you to say how you felt about each other, not because you didn’t know the words, but because for some reason they always seemed to sound wrong in your ears once they came out your mouth.

You, however, knew exactly what he was trying to say, because he’d said it before. Not with words, but with actions.

Ever since Erik met you a year ago he’d done just about everything he could think of to let you know that he was all about you. Constant flirting, unexpected phone calls, surprise gifts to let you know he was thinking of you. It had thrown you off at first because you’d never been in a relationship before, so you couldn’t figure out if he was playing with you or not.

It took three whole months of nearly daily texting, dinner dates, late night car drives and ugly pre-work facetime calls (he swears you always looked beautiful, but the never ending eye crust you were always finding kept you second guessing) for you to finally take him seriously.

After a long conversation with yourself about taking chances and ‘trusting the universe’, you let yourself fall head first into the completely new experience of a relationship with Erik. You were determined to come out the other side just as soft and open-hearted as you were going into it, refusing to let whatever experience you had turn you cold to the idea of romantic love.

And so far, the experience had been everything you could’ve hoped for, and so much more.

Sure, there were bad days, and you were still too stubborn and he was too bossy and you both definitely needed to learn to listen more. But you were sohappy. And for the first time, you felt something with him you hadn’t been able to feel in a really long time. You felt secure.

So Erik didn’t need to say anything else, because you already knew exactly what he what he was trying to say.

He shifted his eyes again, about to open his mouth to try again and clarify when you cup his face in your hand, running a thumb over his lips to shush him.

“It’s okay Erik. I know.”

And you did.

The truth was, before him, you’d never really let anyone get close enough to try and be with you in a romantic way. You were always brushing off advances you thought were too good to be true and downplaying the other person’s feelings, no matter how hard you felt yours.  For a long time you thought that maybe you weren’t supposed to end up with anyone at all, and that your life journey was supposed to be about learning how to be on your own instead or something.

While you didn’t consider romance to be a super important part of life, you always wondered if maybe there was something that you were missing out on. You almost felt broken sometimes, like maybe there was just something about you that made you unworthy of being loved and cherished the way you saw your friends and family being by their significant others.

It took a lot of hard work and self reflection for you to finally get away from your negative thoughts, and you still struggled from time to time, but you were doing a lot better.

Being with Erik didn’t solve your problems, or cure your self doubt, or make you feel ‘complete’, but it did make you feel really warm and safe inside, and neither of you were willing to give up that feeling.

So he was right. He really did get to call you all his in every sense of the word. You took a chance on love, and you were lucky enough to fall into it with someone who shared just as much passion as you did. You’d be crazy not to give something like that your all.

Both of you lay there on the floor, looking into each others eyes with a level of understanding and comfort you weren’t sure you’d ever be able to truly explain. He holds your hand drawing heart shapes into your palm, the only sound being your favorite Spotify playlist that you didn’t realize was playing off in the background somewhere.

You’d been working on that playlist since before you even met Erik, song choices ranging from early 70′s love songs to present day baby makers. It was your sex playlist.  Even if you weren’t in the mood most of your favorite songs were on there.

“When did it start playing music?” your eyebrows furrow in confusion, peeking around for the source of the speakers.

“When I was trying to seduce your jumpy ass on the couch,” he answers matter-of-factly.

“N’Jadaka Stevens, were you trying to woo me?!” You tease him, poking at his stomach trying to tickle him a little bit.

He suck his teeth, caught. “Ok, maybe I was. So what?’

“Awww…” you say dramatically, making a show of it. You pause for a second “… gay ass.”

He laughs, mushing your face away, grinning like a little boy.

“Whatever. Shut your goofy ass up and come over here and lose this bet again.” He says, fake annoyed, and gets up to sit back on the couch, pulling you with him. You settle into his lap, resting your arms in place around his shoulders.

He starts placing soft kisses on your shoulders, starting off slowly. You already knew how this was gonna go and you throw your head back, whining.

“Ugh, I’m tired of losing this game dammit,” You huff to cover up the moan you already felt creeping up your throat. “Can’t we just skip to the fun part pleasee?”

You amp it up a little by plastering on an obnoxiously toothy smile, and he purposely ignores you to keep from faltering under your heart-melting grin.

“Mmmm…” He fake thinks about it for a moment, moving his lips up to the crook of your neck to tickle you with the vibrations. “No.”

Before you even get the chance to pout he scoops up your face in his hand, squeezing a little to make your lips poke out cutely.

“Nuh-uh. Don’t even start that shit.” He deadpans. “If you want me to fuck you, you need to open up your mouth and say it.  Otherwise sit back and hush and let me warm up my dinner.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Warnings: A lil cheesy, a lil corny, a lil cliché, a lil fluffy. Just a lil of errthang XD. Also! Dare I say… romance?!?! (O.o)

Oh yeah this is a new series. Did I forget to mention that?

“Homie, how tf you gonna make a whole new series and you can’t even finish the ones you ha-”

Hush now child.

[mischiefmakingmuses]

Tawagoto’s Gate: The Disappearance of Tokyo Ghetto

[Here is a fanfic I wrote for all you lovely people, I hope you have an enjoy.]

Chapter 1: The Adventures Of Mumu-chan

In a world where darkness and light intertwined heavily and lovingly, never fully separating from each other and always continuing through existence in their dance of love and death, lived a Girl by the name of Mumu, who was secretly the Moon in a previous life. When Link did not manage to save Termina from Majora's Wrath due to being distracted by a Massive Display of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, 2,400 Doughnuts All Shaped and Flavored Like Several Pokémon, Yokai, and Digimon (As Created For "The Great Mons Game War Against Pretentious Pokémon Fans Who Think Pokémon is the Only Mons Game When in Reality the Megami Tensei Series is the Literal Ur Example of All Mons Games"), all of Termina was banished to The Shadow Realm, but in the middle of The World of Light, and it was here that the Moon took her new form as Mumu-chan.

By Day she was a regular Schoolgirl, and By Night she became The World's Greatest Magical Girl. She was The Only One who could save the town's cats from falling prey to the Evil Tree Organization, who would often capture the poor cats and trap them up on high branches from which they could not leap down from. Every other night, she was visited by her Good Friend Tuxedo Mask...a month ago, Tuxedo Mask had begun to help out a Man from town named Mike Dawson, who was trying to find out what happened to his Totally Not Girlfriend, Rita Scanlon. Even one day, Mike Dawson interrogated Tuxedo Mask.

"Tuxedo Mask, what was YOUR relationship with Rita," asked Mike Dawson.

"My work here is done," Tuxedo Mask declared before being beamed up by his spaceship and transforming into A Whole Chicken In A Can.

It was when Things were beginning to fall apart. At One Point, Mumu-chan saw Nobita and Doraemon at a candy store!!! And she saw Kitaro and Nezumi-Otoko getting ramen at a ramen stall!!! What was going on?!

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

In this hard boiled world there is only one hard boiled detective named Gummie, who was a octopus bat alien thing given form on Jack Box's Drawful 2 one day when the Author wanted to be cute in a Twitch stream they frequented.

With a Large Pretzel Stick in their mouth, Gummie looked over the case files while her dear friend Star Sheep sat in the corner playing Splatoon 2 For The Nintendo Switch™, for the Salmonids were something Star Sheep became really obsessed with because they were Funny Fish and Very Interesting.

"Do you think this is a homicide case?" Gummie asked Star Sheep, pulling the Pretzel Stick out of his mouth and acting as if it were a cigar.

"Sorry, I'm Splet," Star Sheep replied.

"Hmm. That's true," Gummie mused, lifting up her hat to look outside the window. It was a Marvelous Night, but they had not been making much headway on the case so far. Perhaps it was time to get Reinforcements involved. "We don't even have a sus cuz the sec with a mo's got a perf al."

"Eko, You Don't Drink," Star Sheep commented wisely from the corner.

"Shut up, Maya, we're getting burgers," Gummie proclaimed loudly as he put the Pretzel Stick back in their mouth.

Chapter 3: Help Me Dr. Cox

The Next Day Gummie and Star Sheep left to find Reinforcements, first coming by Richard AKA Dr. Dick AKA Dr. Cox because the Author Wanted To Be Meta and The Real Dr. Dick knew Everything that they had planned for the week that had passed.

In front of a Dollar Tree, Gummie and Star Sheep awaited for Richard to show up, playing a bootleg version of Where In Time Is Carmen Sandiego? For The Nintendo Switch™ which landed on their doorstep one day. The reality of the situation was that the game functioned almost entirely like the PC version except that The Baron wasn't called Baron Grinnit, but Baron Wasteland Because I Think That Makes More Sense.

"When my mom and I played this game, we really liked Ivan Idea," Gummie admitted.

"How are we even doing this?" Star Sheep asked, without the monotone tone that this fanfic is read in as it's being written Because It's Ironic. It was then that Gummie squinted their eyes at the screen, only for the screen to melt away and turn into The World Ends With You: Final Remix.

"Oh hey, look, it's Neku," Gummie murmured happily. "Y'know, I really love Neku?"

"Yeah, I know," Star Sheep replied. "Comfort character, right?"

"I'm inclined to believe so," Gummie answered as he attempted to play the song Calling which was her favorite song because he first heard it in the DS version in 2012 and it really stuck with them.

It was then that Richard had finally shown up. She looked around with shifty eyes, seeming a bit nervous and unsettled.

"I don't think I'm supposed to be here," Dr. Dick admitted.

"I'm vaguely getting that kind of idea too," Gummie commented. "Anyway, so I heard from my friends Smile, Urien, Netalina, Gambit, and Jizo that their friends Nobita and Doraemon have gone missing, and have no idea where to go to find them."

"Eko?" Star Sheep began, pulling on Gummie's wing. "I'm sorry, but...how do you know about the Yokai?"

Both Richard and Gummie looked at Star Sheep wide eyed, in Gummie's case you couldn't tell very well because they always made it a point to never reveal their eyes.

"Shit. Shit. SHIT. I don't know what's going on." Gummie grabbed the sides of his head in confusion, narrowing their eyes at the ground. "Something's extremely wrong here."

It was then that Kaite20 had suddenly shown up. Yes, her name is actually Kaite20 because she feels the need to constantly append the "20" to her name even when just "Kaite" would suffice.

"Hey, you guys, I found a portal somewhere and it kind of looks like one you might see in Puyo Puyo Puyo Puyo Puyo Puyo Land. Is that...supposed to be normal?"

Gummie stared at Kaite in shock.

"Like hell it is," they responded. "Guys, we're going to the portal. Don't be surprised if we end up having Adventures in Bootleg again."

Chapter 4: Peter Was Not Available So Phoebe And Plumule Are Here

Through the portal, they had reached the home of Mumu-chan, in a place between the Shadow Realm and the World of Light. It wasn't QUITE time to play Lifelight, though.

"This feels more like how in ChalkZone, half of the world was day and half of the world was night," Star Sheep commented. And she was right, as the town was split entirely between night day, right down the middle.

"...this is cool but complicated," stated Dr. Cox.

"Focus guys, I'm inclined to believe that Nobita and Doraemon are here somewhere. I dunno how the FUCK they ended up here, but I imagine that they HAVE to be here," Gummie commented.

"Do you think it's because of...HIM?" Kaite asked.

"Absolutely not, because if anything makes sense in this goddamn world we're trapped in, it's that They Above wouldn't fucking put him in this story. Then again, I have no idea who else it could be."

"You're getting KINDA too meta, now," said Richard. "Sounds like a fanfic."

"It IS a fanfic, Dr. Dick," Gummie responded. "So that means that we'll probably meet the Kitaro Family and Ittan-Momen will be really suave and shit despite not being a major character. Also we now have an autistic girl and her baby bird monster friend on the team because They Above asked a certain someone if they wanted some influence on the story."

"Actually, he's more or less my tulpa." And there was Phoebe, with Plumule right next to her. The tiny bird monster chirped in an affirmative manner.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. It's tulpas all the way down. ANYWAY, you guys, we need to find Nobita and Doraemon. The first step is finding Ittan-Momen flying around because like Hell he won't be here."

As if on cue, a dashing white cloth with beautiful blue eyes flew through the area and down the street.

"Fuckin' typical; OK, let's go." Gummie spread their arms...wings and took to the air, trying his best to keep up with the white cloth. Naturally, being part of the Kitaro Family and being Objectively The Best Kitaro Character In The Universe, at least according to the Author, Ittan-Momen was very fast and hard to keep up with. "Hey, sir, would you mind slowing down? I'll buy you some sweet potato sake if you do."

"Huh, what? Are ya talkin' to me?" Ittan-Momen flipped over in the air to look at Gummie, who wasn't keeping up very well. The cloth stopped and allowed the alien to catch up to him. "Do ya need me for somethin'?"

"First of all, very honored to meet you. Congrats on actually making it into a written work made by my Ghost Writer! They really like your voice and manner of speaking...down to the subtitles that Crunchyroll gives you."

"...Huh...? What...? I don't really understand," Ittan-Momen said. He was blushing though. "Anyway, what do ya need me for?"

"Gonna take a wild guess and say your friend Kitaro is somewhere in the area! Have either of you happened to see a boy in glasses, yellow shirt, black hair, kinda looks like a loser? Or his robot cat friend, no ears, bright smile, red collar with a bell, white belly, a pocket on said belly? I'm inclined to believe that we have a trickster afoot and that those two have been taken here for some reason...as well as you and Kitaro."

"Err..." Ittan-Momen tilted his head slightly to the side. "Yeah, I think so. I'm still not sure I really understand, though..."

"Don't worry about it!" Gummie piped up. "Just let my friends catch up with us and then you can take us to Kitaro, alright?"

"Cotton shochi!"

Chapter 5: When You're Too Afraid To Wake Up

At Ittan-Momen's introduction, the group found Nobita and Doraemon, who were actually having a conversation with GeGeGe no Kitaro himself. While presenting himself politely, it seemed like a lot of the futuristic aspects of Doraemon's existence had confused Kitaro quite a bit. He was just getting used to the fact that people had Smartphones, what was this about a 4th Dimensional Gadget Pocket...?

"Really glad to meet you, Kitaro! Yes, They Above is right, you are definitely Badass Adorable," Gummie gushed.

"Um...thank you," Kitaro replied quietly. "Ittan-Momen, who are...your friends?"

"Don't know. The purple one asked me to bring them to you."

"Sorry, Eko, I'm kindof tuning out here, hahaha. Everything I know about these guys is just what you've told me before..." Star Sheep laughed nervously.

"Trust me, if this got any more out of control, then fucking Ashens would've been mentioned. By the way, he gave the whole chicken in a can a negative review because it just looked like a melted chicken carcass.

"Anyway, Nobita, we've finally found you--and GeGeGe no Kitaro, to boot--at Urien and friends' request, so I'd consider this case closed..." Gummie adjusted her glasses. "...except that someone obviously was behind everyone's displacement, including ours and Kitaro's. So that means the case is still open...until we find the culprit!"

"I thought it was just Ekoro," Nobita replied.

"Ekoro?" Kitaro asked.

"Who's Ekoro?" Richard asked as well, despite the fact that The Real Dr. Dick knew very well who Ekoro was.

"I don't know any Ekoro," Phoebe replied bluntly. Plumule cheeped in agreement.

"I thought you said it couldn't be Ekoro," Kaite responded.

"I did," Gummie said. "So that means that it's someone we don't actually know. Kitaro, do you sense youkai activity?"

"Yes," Kitaro replied without skipping a beat. Gummie's sight wandered to the top of his head, where his ahoge was pointing straight up.

"Well, golly gee, that was fucking easy. Which Youkai of the Week do you think could've possibly done this?"

"I don't know," Kitaro responded. "It's not any youkai I've ever encountered."

"But they're a youkai? And they're close?"

"Yes."

"I wouldn't consider myself a youkai, per say..." came a voice. Everyone looked around, but to no avail. Suddenly, the world fell apart. The group panicked for a second, until the voice came back. "Give it a moment, I'll send you all back home in a second!"

They tried to focus on the source of the voice. It was coming from a definitive direction, but it still seemed like no one was there...

"I'm right here," came the voice again. Everyone looked downwards. In the middle of the group was...something. Almost exclusively what could be made out was a white mask with three heart-shaped holes in it and two horns. The rest of...whatever it was...was completely transparent. Its shaped was also inconceivable, almost as it was hardly there at all.

"The fuck are you, a Phanto?" Gummie asked in a sassy tone.

"Not...really. I'm not a youkai, either. Or a demon. Or really anything...I guess that means I'm...nothing?" It seemed to put a hand over where its chin would be. "It's kind of hard to be here, sorry."

"O...kay...so why did you bring everyone here?"

"Oh! I just wanted to have some fun and let you all construct a silly story in a world of my creation! I hope you enjoyed it! Happy April Fools'!" Nobody seemed impressed. "Aw, c'mon, I can't imagine it was that bad? I understand that all of you enjoy ridiculous humor like this! Not counting Kitaro and friends, of course, because they don't really represent anyone in The Other World, but surely the rest of you found parts of it funny!"

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Dr. Dick asked.

"I don't really know! I would say I'm Nanashi but Kitaro and Ittan-Momen would get mad. But similarly to him, I have no name. No one's given me one, and I might never have one."

"Oh, I know you," Gummie responded, "you're the one They Above have been struggling with for a while; they call you Not Melon."

"Ah, but that's not actually my name. Similarly to how they've called other characters in progress 'Not Ekoro' and the like. I don't have a name yet. But, I do have a birthday! It's today! April 1st is my birthday!"

"I'm inclined to believe that's bullshit because your concept has been floating around for more than a fucking week," Gummie grumbled.

"Well, they didn't make Smile on May 18th, and yet that's his birthday, right? And Urien was conceived sometime in November or December, but his birthday is somewhere in June or July, but it's still not decided because they want a date that would perfectly reflect Urien's personality similar to how it seemed to happen with Smile, right?"

"Wait, Urien's birthday is in June or July?" Nobita asked. "It would've been great to know that last year!"

"Yeah, but the date's still up in the air. Plus, that plot thread was going to be explored with Ekoro, with Star Sheep's Ghost Writer taking the role of Ringo so she and They Above could roleplay some fluffy EkoRin stuff. And then they decided that they didn't want to do anymore, and ran out of time anyway."

"...I think that's beyond even my understanding, Mister...err...what did you say your name was again?" Doraemon asked, tilting his head.

"Ah, well...firstly, I'm not a mister...and secondly...I don't have one. However, my birthday being today was inspired by Subeta's Elwood's birthday being today, and that Elwood's Pizza is in between time and space, kinda like me! Ultimately They Above decided they actually wanted to go down this route for me!"

"...OK." Both Nobita and Doraemon had given up at this point.

"Actually!" they piped up, clapping their hands together...or something? They were so intangible it wasn't really clear. "They Above decided to plan all this out as a way to introduce me, even though I kind of don't fully exist yet! That's part of the reason why you can't really tell what I look like...the only thing confirmed is my mask, you see?

"Anyway, that means that you, I, and the Yokai might all meet up sometime soon, in another universe! Exciting right? I'm really looking forward to it!"

"Did you understand any of that, Kitaro-san?" Ittan-Momen asked.

"No," Kitaro answered bluntly.

"It's OK, you aren't really involved. They Above are just such a huge fan of you guys that they wanted to include you. Anyway...as much as I'd love to stay and chat with you all, it's time for you guys to go back, and for this story to come to a close.

"It was really nice meeting you all! Especially because...I don't really have any friends yet! But, again, I hope you all enjoyed your time here, and I'm looking forward to meeting you all again! I'm not sure when or where, but it'll definitely happen!"

And all will fade to black.

Chapter 6: Home At Last

Gummie awoke with a start. Apparently they had fallen asleep on their desk. Star Sheep was in the corner, playing Splatoon 2 For The Nintendo Switch™.

"Star Sheep, what the hell happened last night?"

"I'm not really sure, but I had a really crazy dream where we went to solve a case...something about two people going missing? And then Kitaro was there?"

"Kitaro? You mean like GeGeGe no Kitaro Kitaro?"

"Yeah. Also there was that guy, there was that guy you like."

"Ittan-Momen?"

"Yeah."

"Fuck yes. I had the same dream too. Ittan-Momen was fucking incredible." Star Sheep turned to her friend's general direction and gave him a warm smile.

"Glad you liked it."

At the end of the day, much fun was had...and also Nezumi-Otoko Is Still Underground.

Thank you to @astarrymusenight, @jellipuddi, @robocatandboy, @timeandspaceandmagic, and my Twitter friend Peter Puzzling for letting me use your characters/personas!

[oh-no-its-mo]

what dream you had about jimin nd you 👀👀👀

i just woke up and i forgot i even say something about itsjshtidhd WELP WERE WE GO

ok so i was at our house (you know cuz we was a couple and all dat) and i like ‘okie ik he been workin hard so ima cook all his fav foods and do what ever he wanna do dis his night’ trinna be cute 🙄

im in the kitchen cookin and listening to my lil music and about a hour and a half passed and i hear the front door so my lil excited ass starts cheesin and shit and i yell from the kitchen ‘hi bby welcome home! how was your day ☺️’ but i didn’t get a reply so im like ?????? what da hale 😦 and i got to thinkin ‘okie maybe he got headphones on or something’ so i walk to the kitchen table where he could see me from the living room and i said it again but a lil louder cuz you know… I THOUGHT HE HAD ON HEADPHONES 😤

dis mf look up from his phone and i looked at his ears for the headphones and i ain’t see none… so im like 'okie maybe he ain’t hear me with my music on and all the pots and pans clickin together’ trinna give him the benefit of the doubt i guess… ANYWAY so he looks up at me and just walked passed me and went thru the kitchen and went to our room

at this point im kinda upset but im more confused cuz when he usually comes home hes huggin me and kissin my forehead yellin about how much he missed me but he just ignored my ass 😭 im still standing there trinna figure out if i did or said anything to make me ignore me like that but the night before we watched movies together and that morning we made breakfast together ssoooo 3+2= taes long toes?????? ion understand 🚶🏽‍♀️

so i walk back to the stove cuz even tho he ina mood i still gotta eat and i cant burn no food 💀 so im bent over getting the food out and i feel some hands on my hips and something on my butt and i instantly rolled my eyes cuz for 1 he seemed like he had a attitude and 2 he looked me in my eyes ignored what i said and walked away SOOOO i wasn’t havin it 🙅🏽 i stand up straight organizing the food on the stovetop MIND YOU DIS BOI STILL BEHIND ME GRABBIN ON ME AND SHIT and im just actin like he ain’t there goin about my business

i guess he started gettin frustrated cuz i wasn’t responding to him and he started kissin on my neck and ngl… ya girl was gettin kinda weak but im too petty so i was still trying to ignore his ass cuz he not boutta ignore them kiss on me thinkin ima cave tf 🙎🏽 so i stopped moving and i made this lil 'oh’ sound and i felt him smiling but lil did he know i did that cuz i forgot to put something for the food 🚶🏽‍♀️and i moved away from him to reach up in the cabinet for what im lookin for and all of a sudden i look over at the kitchen table and jimin over there but he look like he boutta knock everything off of it 🤔 so im like 'uhhh wyd’

fam… HE FUCKIN PUSHED EVERYTHING OFF THE TABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i couldn’t even keep up ignoring him no more i got mad asl cuz i had a nice ass cover over the table with some nice ass decorations and one of em was glass so ik it broke gljfsjidtsfy so walk closer to the table like 'dude wdf is up with you!? you ignored me TWICE when you got home then you wanted to rub and kiss on me now you wanna knock shit off the table boi im boutta…’ and i started walkin away but he GRABBED my arm not no regular ass grab dis boi was hulk that day my damn wrist was hurtin and i got a tiny wrist 😭😭😭😭 but he grabbed me and i looked back like let me go leave me alone and he just starin at me and he started lookin down and he stopped half way and he smirked and at this point im creeped tf out cuz what type of dope he smokin 🚶🏽‍♀️ and i asked again if he can let me go and he gon say 'so you still wearin that huh?’

…….

ik he aint talkin about my clothes i wear around the house (it was the summer time so i had on a sports bra and some lil shorts cuz it was hot asf even in the morning) im like 'uh yeah i am is that a problem your highness’ and im rolling my eyes bein sassy cuz he don pissed me off and he yanked me towards him and ima stick… so my ass FLEW and i bumped into him and he lookin down at me and ohmygod… he had his long black hair and it was falling over his eyes and he had on a white t and some black cut up jeans and i was kinda shakin cuz 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤 but i was still pissed so that feeling went away QUICK 🚶🏽‍♀️

he get even more upset cuz i play too much and called him your highness and he got dis look on his face and i stopped lookin at him cuz ik ima crack and get soft gigdigfzj and he grabbed my chin LIGHTLY and he was like 'you know you kinda upset me when i went to leave for the day right?’ and my ass lookin at him like wdf you talkin bout and he got to tellin what i did and i wanted to laugh but i aint trinna make nuffin worse… but my ass laughed chfidjdfxjf

apparently he was upset cuz when i was walking him out to his car like i always do some dudes saw me and i didn’t have on nuffin but my sports bra and my shorts (i probably should of covered up but usually nobody is outside at that time and that day he wanted to be all lovey dovey in front of his car and saying bye too longer than usual) and the dudes got to sayin stuff to me and he got jealous and tried to say something but i told him no and i just ignored the dudes and told them good morning and went in the house 😩 i didn’t want no fights okie favjidsuh

so i laughed cuz he jealous but who come home to me everyday 🤔 and i guess that was the last straw cuz he pushed me on the table and my scoliosis was screamin and im screamin wdf you doin and he get on top of me and im lookin up at him like 'are you fr? can you at least apologize for ignoring me cuz you really hurt my feelings’ and he got soft and his started rubbing my cheeks and and said this big ol apology and he kissed me and i got soft and we was being all cute til he like jerked himself against me and iiiiiiiiiiiiii wanted to choke 🙃 and i was shocked cuz we was just bein cute but he trinna do it???? on the kitchen table????? HUH????

im weak asl so i couldn’t push him away and he wouldn’t listen to me when at told him lets go to the room so uh he just…. went awf… on our table 🤷🏽‍♀️

[d4isy-pusher]

All of them :}}}}

WHY DO YOU HURT ME IN THIS WAY

Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

i dont know whether to get rid of certain people or not

Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

sometimes

If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

eh. id disapprove but i wouldnt go off the rails

Do you find it easy to trust others?

no LOL

What were you doing at 11PM last night?

playing stardew valley on the xbox, i got an iridium bar be proud of me

You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

I AM 13

What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

i just get really pissed and cut off the person

Are you close with your dad?

yea

I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

...no

What are you listening to?

You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

Do you like hickeys?

i wouldnt know

What time do you go to bed?

it varies

Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

yeah😔

Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

no

Do you always answer your texts?

sometimes i get overwhelmed but yea i try

Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

iiiiiiiiii dont think so?

When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

todayayaya @quackbug

Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

@katmeeliaz no homo💖

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

...I DONT KNOW??

Is anyone else in the room with you?

im on my couch rn so yea my dad's in the living room

Do you believe what goes around comes around?

depends.

Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

no, i was pretty miserable

Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

yes, but i dont know if they would care if i tried

In the past week, have you cried?

ive come close, but no

What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

bl00

Do people ever call you by your last name?

never. HAHA

Is anyone ignoring you right now?

oh for sure </3

Do you have a best friend?

@quackbug heyyyyyyy

Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

i cant even remember the last person i kissed so @katmeeliaz 💋 and no

Who was your last call/text message from?

bug sent me this and they were also my last call

Are you mad at anyone?

multiple

Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yea

How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

rainy gon be 14 wooooooo

How many more days until your birthday?

273. LMAO

Do you have any summer plans yet?

yea im goin to hawaii bitch

Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

julian n russell

Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

😐

Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

i thought everyone did??

Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

yea

Do you think age matters in relationships?

depends on the mental age of both people, and whether or not its legal so i dont know

Are you available?

...i suppose? i dont know the context

How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

sits in middle school

If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

im a pussy i hate that stuff so i have no idea

Do you believe exes can be friends?

yea! although it depends on the terms you left on

Do you regret anything?

many things

Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

my dumbass read that and my mind went "DICK" so now i gotta say dick i hate it here

Did you ever lose a best friend?

mhm

Was your last kiss a mistake?

nop

Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

i dont have one thats why

Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

heard, yes

Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

yes

What was the last thing you ate?

dowitos

Did you get any compliments today?

got called creative,, so yea

Where are you going on your next vacation?

not sure, we'll see

Do you own anything from other countries?

yea i have some stuff from ireland, im in the us

Are most of your friend guys or girls?

gals

Where have you lived most of your life?

i aint ANSWERIN THAT SHIT CUZ I STILL LIVE THERE

When was the last time you took a long drive?

god knows how long ago sweats

Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

no and i dont think i ever will bc haha that shit scary

Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

ive watched and thought it was funny

Who do you text the most?

@katmeeliaz we have like 900 messages a day

What was the last movie you saw?

ffffffffuck uh I DONT REMEMBER OOPS

What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

my what now

How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

i was deadass 3 years old

Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

cuz of our birthdays yea

Do you curse around your parents?

yeah LMAO

Are you happy with where you live?

oh yeah for sure i love it here

Picture of yourself?

i dont think ive ever seriously taken a picture of myself so have my bird

Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

ive only been in one relationship so idk

Have you ever been dumped?

in a way

What do you most like about making out?

never kissed someone romantically irl before so shrug

Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

i personally think that shit's gross i would wanna save that for someone special :(

When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

iiiiiiiiiii do not remember

What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

idk i guess eyes? i like eyes in multiple contexts

Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

i believe it was bug i do not remember

Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

😐

Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

😐😐😐😐😐

What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face

im super weak to people telling me they look up to me n shit that makes my heart die

Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

what fuckin 13-15 year old am i gonna know who has a kid

Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

yes and my response was hazbin hotel memes, we still talk about it cuz it was funny

Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

i dont ever really have crushes like i rlly think i might be aromantic

Do you miss your last sweetie?

as a friend? yea. as a partner? nop

Last time you slow danced with someone?

in a past life i guess

Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

my friends' ocs yea

How can I win your heart?

i dont know myself well enough to say

What is your astrological sign?

fis- pisces

What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

still playin that stardew valley

Do you cook?

yea!

Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

yeah LOL it was like 9 months of no talking and we just saw each other like ":0000 BRO IS THAT YOU"

If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

no, i dont need one to be happy

Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

cant say

What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

nice hands,,,u gotta have nice hands so i can hold em

Name four things that you wish you had!

i cant name four, but

i want this. like pls. can i just have this on my desk or something i want it im begging

Are you a player?

no

Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

no?

Are you a tease?

yea :]] in a friendly way tho

Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

not yet but someday i will go to ihop with @quackbug and get cupcake pancakes

Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

yea! its a nice feeling

Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

@katmeeliaz platonically

Hugs or Kisses?

hugs..i havent been kissed enough to prefer em

Are you too shy to ask someone out?

i dont really ask people out anyways

The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

for some reason manly guys dont interest me i want a small sweetie that i can cuddl so i guess that i mean why u think he exist

Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

"bae/babe" makes me want to crumple into a ball so no

If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

no because if they're being unfaithful to their partner i doubt they're very smart

Do you flirt a lot?

in a jokin way yea

Your last kiss?

@katmeeliaz platonically

Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

no

Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

mhm

If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

shrug

Does someone like you currently?

maybe, i wouldnt know

Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

nah

Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

shrug again

Ever made out with just a friend?

virtually yeah but it was more of a joking thing HAHAH

Are you happier single or in a relationship?

a relationship is just a nice thing to add into your life, it wont bring you happiness, your life can be just as happy without someone if you live it correctly