#cuz i use the general 'you' a lot for posts where i imagine myself or just a generic other person

[bcbryar]

Self-shipping thoughts about Ren kinda night.

[christianobangnaldour]

introduction post ❤︎︎

about me :

my name is Grace and I have been a reality shifter for close to 3 years now.

I am from New Zealand 🇳🇿🇳🇿🇳🇿🔥🔥🔥 also a major k-pop fan !! my ult groups are stray kids (major), itzy, tomorrow x together and kiss of life 🤞 though I stan like 10 other groups too 💀✋

my current bias and bias wrecker(s) from each of my ults:

skz bias: bang chan

skz wrecker(s): generally it’s the rest of the group 💀 but my main bias wreckers for the longest time have been hyunjin and seungmin 😞✋

itzy bias: chaeryeongg

itzy wrecker(s): 2shinz 😞😞 (yuna and ryujin)

txt bias: yeonjun

txt wrecker(s): beomgyu and kai ‼️

kiof bias: JULIEEE

kiof wrecker(s): haneul 🤩

I have shifted 5x before, back in late 2022, though I took a break from shifting for my mental health and have not shifted since then. I have been on my journey towards shifting again since I ended my shifting break in May of 2023 :)

So far I have shifted to All Of Us Are Dead (a K-Drama) 4x, and I have shifted to Miraculous Ladybug 1x.

I am 16 years old, and the cut-off for people I would like to interact with my blog is probably 25, maybe younger too depending on how weird people get (I am a little weird myself, but I will not hesitate to block you if I find your interactions with my blog disturbing).

and please please PLEASE if you are an anti-shifter, do NOT interact with my blog. I DO NOT need your negative energy in my safe haven, you will be immediately BLOCKED. please do not interact with me and go take your negativity out on something useful in your life for once.

my main DRs (currently) :

STARGIRLS (my own K-Pop girl group DR)

Stray Kids 9th Member

Better CR (I have 2 different ones)

R U NEXT? contestant/I-LAND2 contestant/IZNA member (ik very long but it will be easier to get the jist of it when I introduce it)

(p.s. I will do a little introduction to all of these DRs soon :))

OTHER DRS I HAVE :

Miraculous Ladybug (my first script and the first place I shifted to 🤞)

All Of Us Are Dead (2nd place I shifted to and also where I have shifted the most so far in my shifting journey)

Mean Girls

Itzy 6th Member

TXT 6th Member

Enhypen 8th Member

Own Survival Show (basically I created a k-pop survival show for a DR and participated in it)

Life in Korea/Dating a K-Pop Idol

K-Idol High School

Life in Korea/High School in Korea

Alice in Borderland

Sweet Home

True Beauty

Vincenzo

M1XTAPE (another own k-pop girl group)

ICON1C (yet another own k-pop girl group except this one is an early 3rd gen group while my other ones are early 4th gen groups)

Jujutsu Kaisen

Naruto

K-Pop Soloist

Welcome to Samdal-ri

A Business Proposal

XO, KITTY (shhh it’s only for Minho)

K-Drama character High School (basically where I go to school with a bunch of characters from my favourite K-Dramas)

Wednesday

Victorious

Never Have I Ever

Descendants

Barbie Princess Charm School (YES I’M SHIFTING TO MY FAV OG BARBIE MOVIES CUZ WHY NOT 😝)

Barbie Fairy Secret

Barbie Mermaid Tale

Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse (imagine how fun would it be to be friends with Raquelle 🤭🤭)

Good Morning Call (my man Daichi needs justice after Nao rejected him for the walking talking breathing red flag 😞✋)

(oh also p.s. a lot of these are unfinished scripts that I scrapped bc I get distracted by a new DR idea like every week 💀🙏 I might also do some introductions for a few of these DRs too since some of them I am still really excited about and want to share with y’all 🙃)

DO NOT INTERACT :

anti-shifters (I can never say this enough)

k-pop haters (pls just leave me and my silly obsession alone 😞)

people who judge others desired realities (THIS IS A SAFE HAVEN FOR A REASON Y’ALL)

people who spread misinformation about shifting

people who pressure and manipulate others into sharing their shifting stories (literally if they don’t want to share their experience in their DR LEAVE THEM TF ALONEEE !! it’s THEIR desired reality not YOURS. people are not obliged to tell their stories if they don’t feel comfortable doing so bozo)

generally anybody over 25. like I stated before, I will block you if your interactions are too disturbing for me (regardless of age), though if you are just a shifter in their 20s wanting to interact with me then feel free ☺️ I just made the cut off 25 because I don’t feel comfortable speaking with anybody older than that just for my safety. oh also I am not open to DMs from anybody over the age of 18 also for my safety, but feel free to send me asks tho !!

ot6 riize fans 👎👎 (RIIZE IS 7 !! JUSTICE FOR SEUNGHAN !! SM ENTERTAINMENT CONDONES BULLYING AND ABUSE !!)

there are a lot more that I will probably add here later but I just can’t think of them at the top of my head anymore (I literally have the memory of a goldfish goodbye 😖✋)

DO INTERACT :

funny people (PLEASE I need humorous people on this blog)

15-17 yr olds (please please PLEASE if you are a shifter in this age range, also specifically a k-pop fan too 😖 please slide into my DMs I need shifting friends my age and also more k-pop friends my age 🙏)

STAYSSSS (adding to the above statement I also NEED stay friends pls pls pls hmu on DMs if u are in my age range 🙏🙏🙏)

shifters who shift to similar DRs as me (apart from my main DRs I have like 50 other DRs that I will probably start working on again sometime)

that’s pretty much it really I’m actually very lenient on who can interact with me cus in all honesty I just wanna find my typa ppl to talk to and be friends with mahn 😭🙏 I’m a little bit weird but I promise I won’t scare you away too much 😞✋

okie dokie (yo) thank u all for reading this it’s def the most crucial part to read on my blog before exploring further 🙏 btw I am not that new to tumblr I have been on here for abt 2 months on a separate private blog to get the jist of this app before I decided to make a shifting blog 😄 I hope you guys enjoy my blog and my future upcoming posts, I will do my best to stay active on here, something that I have not been good at when it comes to social media 😣 oh also I DEFINITELY should have mentioned that I am a loud and proud yapper 🔥🔥 so this blog will be filled with a looooot of long paragraphs 😁😁

I wish you all only the best of luck during your shifts and shifting journeys, you discovered shifting for a reason ! if you weren’t meant to shift you wouldn’t have discovered shifting ! I believe in you all !! mwah 💋

[angel-in-your-basement]

hey I hope this isn't too personal but your blog kinda made me realize I'm a sadist and (possibly?) a domme? having lots of feelings about this revelation so I kinda have an odd question as like: how does one get over like cognitive dissonance with regards to self conception? sorry if that's worded weird but like, I'm a huge massive softy with like, hyperempathy type brain nonsense so its kinda hard to imagine myself actually like *as* that kinda person. I'm aware soft-domme type stuff exists but idk like how to put it together in my head? sorry if this is a lil incoherent I just woke up lol. thank you for your kink education stuff and I hope your weekend goes well ^w^

(also any general starting out safety tips are greatly appreciated cuz ngl I'm very in over my head and wanna nip any hazards in the bud before I try experimenting)

Hi there! Not too personal at all, I’m happy to talk about stuff like this. I meant to answer this sooner but I’ve just been too damn busy irl, so here I am now!

When we are presented with new information and our beliefs are not making sense anymore, it’s time to sit down and reevaluate those beliefs. If you haven’t already, I would go look at this post, which goes into more depth about shame and questioning ideas about kinks. Since that post covered shame, I won’t go into depth on here, but we are going to talk about beliefs.

Why does this happen?

What is generally happening in cases like you’re talking about, is that we have formed ideas about ourselves (ex. “I am a big softy + hyperempathetic person”) and about the world (ex. “Sadists are tough/mean/scary/whatever”), and then we create logical conclusions based on those ideas (ex. “I couldn’t be a sadist, because I am soft and not tough/mean/scary”). Which works fine until we get new information that contradicts our conclusions.

What do we do?

When that happens, and we want to resolve it, we gotta find some flexibility in those beliefs! In your case, this might look something like this:

What is “that kinda person”, and exactly what parts don’t fit for you? What parts do fit?

Where did the “that kinda person” idea come from?

Is this always the case? Are sadists 100% like that?

What might someone look like who was very empathetic and ALSO a sadist? How do you feel about the idea?

Why might it actually make sense that someone empathetic would be a sadist?

The whole point here is get a good idea of where the conflict is, why it’s a conflict and then looking for areas of flexibility.

I can’t answer those questions for you, but here is a couple things from my experience that may be useful. I have known a lot of sadists, and just like every other group of people, they vary widely, but my favourite sadists have always been the people who are big, empathetic teddy bears who want to take care of me and coddle me just as much as they want to hurt me. I, myself, am like you, where I am very empathetic but I also very much enjoy psychological sadism.

Part of it, too, is that it just takes time to warm up to these new ideas, and you don’t need to go straight into the hardcore stuff. You can integrate sadism with basically any other kink, and sadism can look a ton of different ways. If it’s more that you like the idea of seeing someone struggling or being afraid, then even stuff like giving someone pleasure or taking care of them can be sadistic. And if you’re more into the actual act of inflicting pain, then you can do it in ways where people are enthusiastically encouraging you the whole time, if that’s what you need. You can also be a sadistic sub! Honestly, I think that’s the wonderful thing about kink - there’s a million ways to mix and match, and cater your experiences to exactly what you like.

Re: starting out safety tips, I think there’s already lots of good resources on this, so look into things like negotiation, safewords, SSC/RACK, red flags, etc. This post is already getting long so I’ll just say one thing that I don’t see talked about enough.

When you’re exploring new stuff and especially new relationships/dynamics, it’s very easy to get swept up by the emotions of it, particularly if you’re a people pleasing type person. All of the bad experiences I have had have stemmed from this - from being too excited and not being able to look at the situation rationally. So imo, it’s important to have clear boundaries for yourself (i.e. I will not do any sex stuff with someone until we have talked about xyz), and to have a plan to keep yourself safe that works under the assumption that you will likely be too enamoured to want to pull yourself away from the dynamic. Having platonic kinky friends really helps with this stuff! What all that actually looks like is a whole other discussion, so I’ll save that for another day.

[fluffer5]

Reverse Summoning

Technically, this is my 7th Humans Are Space Orcs even though this is more of interdimensial summoning...

Anyways, more fun to think how terrifying we can be I guess...

So, I've seen one story prompt like this in the past but forgot where and who wrote it. This one would center more on the "what if we are summoned on a place kinda similar to Earth but seems more magical and is also stuck in the Renaissance or Medieval period?"

Cuz I've seen a post on TikTok saying "What if Earth had rings like Jupiter and other planets? What if those rings would be space rocks due to our close proximity to the sun? Our internet connection would go poof! and even if we have satellites, the transmission to Earth would buffer due to the magnetic disturbances possibly emitted by said space rocks".

Such is why I wrote this asking myself, what if humans are sorta classified into legendary creatures that could do a lot of things despite our weak looking bodies?

So, sorta like the usual isekai summoning but with the fact that they need to put certain "elements" to get the human familiar that they want though it doesn't translate well to our language, thus, they still get to have randomized humans qualities. Example: Earth, time, patience where they wanted someone as sturdy as the Earth, could manipulate time, and have patience for serving them equates to a farmer.

You get the gist of it lol.

Imagine this scenario… you are someone with an abnormal sleeping schedule due to a major project with an approaching deadline. You've been drinking caffeine and various energy drinks to the point that your stomach, liver, and kidneys would cry and curse you if they could speak. Your nerves are frazzled and your anxiety level is through the roof to the point that one wrong move could either send you through an enormous breakdown or a volcanic meltdown.

You were down to the last details of your project, the most crucial moment where you can finally end your torture and pass out on your bed for hours on end when suddenly, engravings appeared under your working area and a bright light was the last thing you saw as you cursed at the world for suddenly feeling faint (a side effect of the summoning) to the point that you felt as if you're hallucinating the bright engravings on your floor because ain't no way you have a shining marker anywhere near your table.

On the other side, a creature with humanoid features and chicken bird wings (nah, just kidding… the summoner have wings similar to a hummingbird) was feeling sweaty from the length of time it was taking for you to be summoned. Other people surrounding them was also waiting in anticipation.

Note that in their world, the longer the length of summoning, the higher the resistance force of the summoned being (yes, we can resist), and this means the greater the summon's capabilities are.

When the children (they look almost like us but due to their constant use of the leylines had certain additional features on their bodies, as featured with the chiken wings of the summoner) finally saw a body drop on top of the large summoning sigil.

They all held their breath as you gathered yourself from the disorientation.

They could see someone whose flesh isn't covered by scaled or hardened by muscles. No signs of any crystal either which is needed to harness the power of their leyline energy. To be honest, the summoned familiar looked as if its on the verge of death (looking zombified from the stress). They feel like you're about to keel over at any moment and instead of a summon, they'd have a corpse to clean up.

Of course, you, feeling delirious at the plethora of unique looking creatures, still sleep-deprived, and absolutely pissed off from suddenly being taken away from your work looked at them with bloodshot eyes and launched off a tirade of curse words that goes down to at least the 3rd generation of their family.

They know a few of our language given that they have attempted the same ritual over the past few years (though depending on the leyline used, time either goes too fast or too slow in our world, in other words it's more of a time travel hotspot).

They could understand words like "intestines" and "murder" and "deadline" and "kill" but the other words feel more different (the last summon that agreed to teach them was a pissed off Russian woman who was inwardly cackling as she incorporated a lot of random words that didn't match her place of origin as she's very happy to screw with people who are wasting her quiet time with her beloved wine).

The teacher though… the more he's looking at the translation orb in his hand, the more he feels the blood drain from his face.

They did summon someone important. Someone resilient and capable. Someone who's been able to go through harsh moments and still smile as they work through an entire cycle of hatred and cursing of their self, life, and world.

The greatest familiars usually come from what you call as "procrastinators".

Well, procrastinators are their own breed of legendary so it's not as if they're wrong.

Still, the summoning teacher felt like quitting that very moment when said summon brandished a sharpened pencil as you charged towards them shouting how you'll rip them limb from limb with a fudgin pencil if you have to.

Violence was one of the things in your mind and spite was the only thing left fueling your deranged soul as you chanted, "You messed with the wrong person, b!tch!" before diving forward at the squawking student who immediately casted defensive shields...

That shield did help deter you for a bit before you heaved, rounded them, and internalized all hate in your soul and stabbed the pointy end of your pencil at their mighty shield, laughing like a wild hyena as you watch the barrier crack open like your last piggy bank when you're left with no money in your pocket.

Their screams were glorious!

.

.

.

.

The school finally banned calling onto procrastinators until further containment considerations on their part after they sent home a crying, plucked humanoid hummingbird.

[creaturethingz]

a list of media that I was obsessed with (or still am) and I now know it's because I'm nonhuman (with explanations)

the x-men movies and x-men: evolution- general themes of not being normal/not fitting in with normal humans. wolverine, nightcrawler, rogue, beast, mystique- all beastly/shapeshifter characters that I love. I used to watch one specific episode of x-men: evolution over and over again because there's one part where rogue uses her power on Sabretooth and she gets fangs and claws and its super awesome.

wild kratts- got to see and learn about lots of cool animals!! and ofc they have cool suits that let them change into whatever animal they interact with. in one episode Chris's suit malfunctions and he goes kinda creature mode as a Tasmanian devil (my favorite episode, if you know you know)

wolfblood- the intro slaps major ass- so does all the music actually. werewolves going to high school in England (my dream.) I was IN LOVE with Rhydian, I specifically remember packing up all my art stuff dramatically just like he does when he runs away. also a werewolf getting adopted by vegans is so funny to me. lots of late nights staying up watching and imagining myself running through the woods with them.

teen wolf- a classic in the werewolf community. I never finished it, I found it a bit weird at points, but I definitely liked the transformation scenes.

my babysitter's a vampire- vampires are kinda eh to me but there were other mosters in that show, including werewolves <3

H2O: just add water- 🎶🎵CUZ IM NO ORDINARY GIRL🎵🎶 I genially just love this show. I wish I was a magic mermaid. the cove with the moon and the glowing water was so cool to me. aohr narh! cleaoh!

fairy tail- the first anime i ever watched <3 not my favorite but i still love it. magic system is cool, there's monsters and dragons and flying cats. Natsu is my favorite, he has a super special dragon power and at one point i think he kinda turns half-dragon? idk its been like 6 years since i watched it. this was right around the time i started drawing and making my own characters, so i made my first ever self-insert oc- she was a super bad ass half fox girl that wore chains and spikes and was ofc friends with Natsu.

Naruto and Naruto: Shippuden- my favorite anime, I will never not love it. Naruto has a giant fox spirit sealed in his belly and goes crazy feral wild sometimes and its so awesome. foxes are my favorite animal, and yes I did make a self-insert that was friends with Naruto and also had a piece of the fox spirit sealed in her.

blue exorcist- main character rin finds out hes half demon and son of satan (very cool!) he gets pointy ears and fangs and a tail (!!!) hes treated like a beast and something to be feared when his friends find out but they eventually come to accept him :3

the last unicorn- I have this movie on DVD so I frequently watch it. the OST is absolutly unmatched and the animation is beautiful. the unicorn gets turned into a human and is confused about her identity, which is so me fr. the song "now that im a women" was a huge part of some of my artworks in art school, I used it to talk about my gender identity (it also applies to my nonhuman identity obv)

the curse of the were-rabbit- werewolf but cuter cuz its with bunnies. stop motion transformation scenes are really awesome.

howls moving castle- howl save me. save me howl. turn into a big owl beast and please come save me. I love the sound his big talons make on the tile when he comes back from fighting in the war <3

princes mononoke- literally my first post on this blog was my beautiful wolf mother moro. i wish i was her i wish i was the wolf princess i wish she was my mom plz let me get adopted by giant wolves in a magical forest plz. also my favorite Ghibli movie ever.

luca- this one is recent and oh god. this movie got to me so bad and gets to me every time i watch it. its gay AND nonhuman?? i love those lil Italian fish.

wolf walkers- very obvious choice, but i haven't even seen it yet !!!! its not available on any streaming services i have but I've seen enough clips. also the secret of kells and song of the sea are amazing movies by the same studio and i love everything about them. and we got that banger song (we are running with the wolves tonight.)

sweet tooth- such a good show. half animal people lets go! they are literally hunted down and have to go into hiding, and then theres that super cool group of older teens with the cool masks. i would definitely be apart of them (if i wasn't half animal) ((I totally would be)) cant wait for the last season and im also sad its ending.

this is all i can think of right now... theres also countless videos on YouTube that I'll probably never find again so </3

[stepswowdsen]

【Magi】 JuAli Comic Idea (NSFW) 🖤❤️💛

(CW: NSFW)

(EDIT: I used to have this blog on priv, but I went off priv recently)

JuAli NSFW I wrote before 🖤 ❤️ 💛 This one's a lot longer than my usual ideas. The 1st half is SFW, but the 2nd half is NSFW. One of the dialogue scripts I wrote.

Oh yeah here's the JuAli NSFW comic idea I wrote if anyone wants to read it. I wrote this back in 2023, but I recently added to it, so I'll post it here

Warning: The 1st part is SFW, but the rest is NSFW so I'll put the rest under the cut.

There's also a lot of bickering and bantering, typical of JuAli. I always have a fun time writing for them <3 Wheeee!

It's still a WIP though so I put line breaks to mark transitions to different scenes (or as reminders for myself for which scenes I need to add to)

Ok guys if I'm basically planning to post KuroEne sex at some point, then that means it's free real estate for me to post LimGuda, XanLena, IdaTatsu, and JuAli sex, right

I'll put the warning whenever I do it, though. Fair warning tho. This one's more explicit. 95% of my ideas are my ships are SFW actually, but it is fun to write NSFW on the side and explore ship intimacy ^^

As you can tell, after the several months hiatus due to me being busy with school, I'm trying to get better at posting here!!! My timezone is currently EDT in Canada's summers, I tend to schedule posts to post around 7 ~ 9 PM (EDT)

It's a lil annoying how limited priv Tumblr blogs are... Even Insta and Twt priv accs let you like posts and don't require a PW to unlock. But it's a good archive for me.

Rambles

I'll be honest, my NSFW ideas are so vanilla and tame, and heavy on dialogue. That's how I want it to be. I hate the majority of qorn and qorn tropes cuz a lot of mainstream qorn is so (trans) misogynistic and thoughtless and violent. It lacks intimacy.

If I were to draw this out, there'd be a huge focus on expressions and dialogue... Oh and it'd be clothed intimacy/sex cuz I prefer it that way

As an ace person, I want my NSFW and qorn to be more artistic and focus on intimacy, including emotional intimacy. Like, qorn is fine too, but it needs to be. Not for the purpose of feeding an incel, obviously.

In general, I'm soooo picky with NSFW

It's fine if my faves explore kink and power dynamics/control in the bedroom, but I want it to be imbued with my tastes. And my aesthetic tastes.

I'm bi sapphic and not really sexually attracted to men, so I see all my masc faves (including meow meow mf faves) as my sons.

In general, I think clothed intimacy and subtle eroticism (ie. hands slipping into clothes) is hottest and I prefer it honestly. If I were to draw NSFW (hopefully one day, I need to get better at it tho), this is what you'd mainly see from me.

Even if it'd be highly impractical IRL, I love how intimacy looks with the flow of clothes more. Though ofc there's a lot of great artistic nudity too <3

Oh and the part where he's lying on the bed after... I imagined it like, Judar takes off his outer most clothes (the black and red Ruqun and Daxiushan) and wears the white hanfu undergarments underneath

You can read more about it here!

Ziseviolet is a great queer friendly hanfu blog and resource for hanfu refs and informative posts~

Rambles with Friends

Y: I love how you write them omg 😭 The way this encapsulates Judar's spoiled bratty personality WRJFHWUTWFNSJ

Me: I love writing for them and their playful banter and smug teasing~

I like the idea of Judar visiting Alibaba at night in his room. I love the idea of them having secret trysts/dates meeting at night (under the full moon). The moon is also Judar's symbol

(Well, Judar has black sun and moon symbolism, and I loved how Jaqui mentioned before that she sees him with eclipse symbolism)

Me: It's a WIP but I wrote JuAli NSFW

M: Based 🔥🔥

Me: Mostly just added Judar and Alibaba going around together! And then Judar being a moody fussy cat

C: Nice also very valid. Judar moody cat...

Me: LMAO yeah. The moody cat Judar acts according to his whims. He's definitely the type to act bratty and demanding to his S/O. Judar goes all like "Play with me, Alibaba!!!"

J: This is so valid dhdhdhd

J: DHDHDHDHDH They're so funny, I love their dialogues so much. Your JuAli AU is so interesting

Me: Thank you Jaqui!!! That makes me happy to hear 🥰 💗

In this particular idea, I think they've warmed up to each other more. They're more comfortable with each other and are aware of the others' respective quirks. But I still think they probably have some relationship awkwardness typical of young adults, at times? I always have a fun time writing their banters and dialogue!

I think it's cute and funny to see their "Hate-Love" dynamic because Judar is violently tsun, and tsun tsun possessive... I think that in their early relationship, they'd constantly headbutt each other all the time. They'll always be pretty competitive with each other, but I think Judar would warm up to Alibaba over time - so there'd be less mean insults and they'd eventually turn into playful ones

Me: Judar who goes from “I don't even want to be near you!!!” at first, to cuddling up to him like an annoying cat (/endearing), preventing Alibaba from moving or getting up. Like when you want to get something to eat or drink but your cat lays on you, stopping you

C: CUTE

Me: I feel like when they get closer Judar would want to sleep with him casually. Eat together. Wrap him into his shenanigans and pester him and bother him. Don't tell him that this is peak domestic behaviour, he will deny it.

C: Cute!! :") He def would lol

Me: I'm thinking about Judar being an asshole cat with teasing hehe. Judar can be playfully mean with his teasing.

C: Judar is genuinely seeking a weird kind of entertainment from being an asshole lmao

Me: LMFAO YEAH. His bratty nature would definitely extend to sex too ASDKSDKKLSDKL

C: IT ABSOLUTELY WOULD

Me: Provoking his S/O, being competitive in the bedroom… Stuff like that. I like the subtext of tsun tsun possessiveness too at the end.

Me: I don't have enough edits of Alibaba rn so I mainly just took Judar's manga screencaps

Oh and I still need to add to some parts eventually but y'know I got most of it down for now!!!

[burinazar]

[some brief suicide ideation mentions in this post] for those kind of newer to the ebilxperience, my mental health has been way waaaay better since like late 2021 to now than it has for most of my life up to that point (people who followed me before then might remember some...intense sadposting). I just haven't really felt...too super bad very often. I feel bad sometimes but not so bad I wanted to die, which used to be a regular problem. The episodes of intense suicide ideation in response to feelings of wasted potential or the inevitability of feeling isolation from other human beings just sort of stopped happening. I would chalk all of this up to unknowable brain chemistry, by the way, and not any external causes I've been able to identify.

At the time that this changed, what also became clear was the inability to get shit done that we had all just thought was depression did not go away when my depression magically cleared itself out of the way. I still kind of really sucked at getting shit done. This is what ultimately enabled the late-ass-and-i'm-still-not-entirely-convinced-im-not-somehow-faking-it ADHD diagnosis from my psych who was like Oh. Actually That Tracks. The things I'm not good at making myself do largely extend to anything that both involve a risk of rejection/hurt feelings, anything that requires some believe I personally 'deserve it' (job apps, asking for references), and things that don't have built-in accountability/deadlines (funny stupid example: i'll do a job app for sure if someone I know referred me to the position and is going to be aware/disappointed if I don't submit it, because that too is a form of fearing rejection! so oops, i hacked my rejection anxiety into making myself take a risk).

As you can imagine a lot of career related and interpersonal activities, as well as various day to day life tasks, fall into a combo of these things. I haven't really been able to fix that and by objective life milestone measures continue to underachieve in both career stuff and interpersonal relationships. But...it hasn't gotten me down for the past couple years, and the biggest reason is I've been able to get a lot of joy out of my art and writing during this time period.

And this....allows me to...kind of avoid having to look at how unfulfilling those areas are. But I really need to...face it.

Because I've become more and more aware that there are people, ones around my general age range, ones who may face similar Brain Issues or corresponding obstacles, that do go and find self fulfillment in more than one of these fronts. I actually got super sad about this last night for the first time in ages cuz I heard from someone who has a lot of interests in common with me but was finding fulfillment on multiple fronts, creative *and* interpersonal *and* career.

And maybe it's greedy of me to want it, but god, the life where I get to do all my silly creative bullshit/wrting/art/pet ownership but *miraculously, also, somehow* have a job and career that I don't feel conflicted and unhappy and 'i never really tried to make my dreams manifest' about, and am able to make new friendships and like date and stuff, I...do think I want that for myself and have been denying both that desire and the fact I might have the potential to achieve it.

idk this is kind of nothing but tl;dr i'm gonna start trying again and just wanted to ramble about it on tungus for a sec

[yuukei-yikes]

Okay okay okay I have a very specific itch to hear about Mekakushi Dan sensory needs and bc you're the first person I can think of who has drawn them stimming I thought your askbox was the perfect place to launch myself. If you have thoughts here pls feed me. Bonus points for Takane's sensory needs + challenges before becoming a computer program and post str bc I do think her needs would be different than they were before?? I think not having a body for 2 years would do that to you

HI ok i dont have a lot of headcanons in general its mostly haruka and takane and mostly takane. i think haruka is the one ive drawn stimming the most Like i just think that guy would flap his little hands around yknow.

so im sorry i dont have hcs for the whole mekadan. IF UR INTERESTED IN A PARTICULAR MEKADAN GUY u can ask me and I'll come up with something >:3 it just feels overwhelming to think of it all at once. and also u said takane and you know damn well im abt to talk for 1 million hours

ok. takane❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ sorry this isn't sensory needs but girl.. takanes Gamer Secret being found out... idk man it's like. this bitch had been MASKING‼️‼️‼️

even in hs days i think takane feels weird about Touching with her hands. she doesn't have the cartoonishly large sleeves she has as ene, but i think she pulls down her sleeves over her hands like in this specific manga panel i indeed have in speed dial

i wish it appeared more often bc its a cute shoutout to ene later on and also WOOO THIS BITCH HAS SENSORY ISSUES!!! i made a comic abt it once but haruka designing actor with the bigass sleeves because he observed that takane pulls down her sleeves. *bite bite bite bite bite* also this panel has always been a fave of mine bc of autism creature takane and also bc the desk is like. at haruka's chest and he looks like he's sitting on the ground

i also think its very funny to imagine takane kicking ass in games while holding the controller with her sleeves over it and everyone's like ?????girl what. ofc she probably has specific textures she hates and all that, takane doesnt feel weird about touching as a whole.

in several instances of yuukei yesterday haruka and takane casually touch each other and while thats obviously cuz they're close friends, a lot of close friends dont act that way or arent comfortable with touch yknow!! in fact takanes the one to start most physical interactions with him. i could be crazy enough to go and check but im gonna trust my memory. and bc i love art where ene is jumping on shintaro and stuff i like to think takane is Actually touchy with ppl she trusts. also she doesnt register personal space sometimes, and ends up standing too close without noticing until someone points it out. i guess this is a bit contrary to a typical takane interpretation (UR STANDING TOO CLOSE DUMBASS🙄🙄🙄🙄 tsundere moment) but i think it's a fun spin to it. i think kenjirou is the one to most point it out like Girl step BACK ur all in my zone and she's like UGH WHATEVER and haruka also notices but never rly says anything. he probably loves it lol haruka's so overdue physical connection he loves that takane doesn't mind touching him or being close to him. also since they have a big height difference its not like she's all up on his face. i think takane starts letting go more once her ene secret's out and stops caring so much but it sorta comes back when ayano and shintaro join the group. i think shintaro especially would point out UGH WHY ARE YOU STANDING SO CLOSE TO ME or even question why she's so close to haruka or ayano. haruka and ayano are all like NOOO DONT WORRY I DONT MIND but takanes already mortified and is more self aware

another one. takane with her big old headphones. yeah yeah uses them disconnected to get haruka's attention Whatever she also uses them bc she prefers hearing stuff muffled instead of hearing it directly 👍 when she gets overwhelmed she puts those things on with the music to the max and just logs out for a min

OH also this is a canon one😼😼😼 her leg bouncy thing. shintaro points it out in the seventh novel that takane is bouncing her leg and says it's a nervous habit he never noticed on her but TO ME. SHE DOES THAT❤️ takane has huge leg bouncer energy i bet she makes the whole table shake and everyone asks her to quit it and she says Damn ok sorry and stops it for a total of 50 seconds before starting again

anyways in summary hs takane is like. tends not to notice personal space, hates touching stuff with her hands, likes having control over what or how she hears, and has a tough time staying still. POST STR... its all to the max. takane is overly aware of everything. all 5 senses are as much of a nightmare as they are a relief and it's all mixed together!!!!

ok her sensory needs that she already had pre ene are still there but completely amped up, except the personal space one. now everyone is always too close and literally just opening her eyes (HEH!! OPENING EYES!!!!) is super overwhelming bc WHOA EVERYTHING IS SO CLOSE AND HUGE AND HD. i could imagine comparing it to like, wearing contacts for the first time for any fellow glasses wearing people. like u know this, youve seen all this. but suddenly youre watching it differently without a frame around ur eyes and it just feels weird. for takane the frame was a screen instead of the glasses yknow. and to her its A LOT

i think post str takane keeps using her powers and having meltdowns because on top of all the existentialism she has to deal with being alive and everything, suddenly She Cannot Control Anything And It Is A Nightmare. she can't handle the lack of control she has over her needs and body temperature. just feeling hungry or sweating after walking for a little in summer makes her upset. bc she gets her body back during summer so GOOD LUCK WITH THAT GIRL. the clothes she wears feel all insane and irritated and nauseous!!! awful!!! even showers feel strange bc AUGGHHH so much is touching her at once!!! she also hates eating soooo yeah also a thing. i think she's always been a picky eater but post str its like she will only eat like 2 things or something

ON THE OTHER HAND.... it suddenly goes on the opposite end. like for a few days she's nightmare overstim city and then she's SUPER understim and COMPLETELYYYYY over eager about having a body and horribly indulges in like. overeating and running around <- overeating (especially when u usually avoid eating), awful for ur tummy. running a lot when u have chronic pains, also awful for ur pains later. sooo nothing she wont pay the price for later. it needs to get pointed out to her she needs to find a balance and cant have all or nothing (by haruka probably)

the personal space thing comes back here like she gets So touchy and needs hug or death. i think she can be all happy hugging haruka and all of a sudden pushes him away and is like WHOA I NEED TO GET OUT OF MY BODY RIGHT NOW MAYBE RIP MY SKIN OFF TOO MAYBE so it's rly like a light switch all of a sudden she can get overwhelmed with it and revert. like jumping back and forth between seeking and avoiding sensation.

i drew this once but haruka with his arms inside of takane's sleeves LOLLL i think skin to skin rly helps her when she's feeling like she needs sensation. a big part of the sudden overindulgence is OUGH IM REAL!!!! bc like i said takane isnt just dealing with having a body again she's dealing with having her Life again. being alive again. and she LOVES being alive. and the avoidance of all these sensations sometimes piles up and ends on the opposite like I NEED TO EAT💥💥💥I NEED TO SCREAM💥💥💥💥I NEED TO RUN AND HUG AND KISS AND DANCE AND SWIM💥💥💥 yknow. so yeah haruka helps her a lot with it when she needs touching and hugging 🙏🙏🙏 cuz he also wont get offended if she's suddenly like Ok get away from me before i explode🙏

also post str takane To Me also has mobility issues like haruka does bc all her muscles are atrophied from yknow Not moving for 2 years so it's like, even more that she has to deal with. physical therapy is incredibly invasive to her too so it's extra difficult. i think haruka and her do it together and that's why haruka is so on top of what's going on with her, he's the closest and sees her whenever she's the most vulnerable. also their situations are So similar they cant help just gravitating to each other for support. i also think haruka's the one to always point out to her when she's overindulging like Hey i love that ur rly enjoying that bigmac but i can already see you wanting to rip out ur organs later tonight so maybe dont eat a third one.

anyways ermmm takane's biggest challenge is Stop resorting to opening eyes whenever it gets too bad. like i also got sensory issues and assuming whoever is reading also does imagine having the option to just Jump out of ur body when its feeling Awful. ofc ur gonna take it when ur feeling like that. but it doesn't help takane to do it. while it helps her to calm down, it's not good in the long run. she actively wants a PHYSICAL life and work on all this. takane never wanted to die and is super motivated to get better but it's not quick or easy!!! eventually she finds a good balance i think. she's still a rly touchy person who hates grabbing her phone directly without the sleeves in the middle and will only eat like 3 things❤️ but also a hug lover❤️

[flaray25]

I think someone of my online friends asked me this before...

How did you get your artstyle development/improved after all these years?

How did you start your own?

Have you been feeling okay?

Hows ur fanfics?

Are you going to continue?

Lets just say that it all started with a simple ship...

Since may 2020 got me to ship the most otp and most obsessing thing I can imagine...

[Which was you guessed it squidbob...]

And the time I joined Packet's server I felt inspired to draw squidbob.

I drew lots of them and lost of drafted things... i drew countless of them that I couldn't even caught up...

After all... I did read most of my favorite Squidbob fics from ao3 and wattpad which was: IWNBYF scabs the kid, always be yours by tragicclownwriters, I'm surrounded by (PatrickSexyLegs), Bikini Bottom Luau by MultiFandomWriter775, Cerulean Dreams by the_sparkling_abyss also known as (crybaby-139), A Boat to Remembering by RavenCreek [deleted], Accidetally in Love by ShadowAngel56, Only Sponge and Perfect date [collaborated with ShadowAngel56], also adding Artokaii for making Movie Night, Clouded Sunshine, and other of the fics :3

Other of the fanfics I fgt to mention from the squidbob ao3 they are also good as well. <kudos>

Except I dont fit right with nsfw part yep-

I'm reminding myself that this topic was focused for my artstyle improvement not the fics... I'M TOO DARN GIGGLING WITH WHAT I'M READING THEY'RE ALL TOO GOOD *eats*

Anyway- my improvement changed around 2022 - 2023

It started with one simple ship that started my WHOLE ASS career

I became more hyperfixated, delulu, feel like I'm losing it rn, and been writing stuff down from my drafts.

How'd it start my career?

Let's just say-

I created-

Siblings AU, Stoned AU, Legendary AU,Extra ordinary 2003 AU, Switched Universe AU, Past AU, The Other Future AU, The death of his AU, SpongeTale AU, Flowers AU, Agent AU, Mermaid AU, AlterEgo AU, Changed AU, Yandere AU (for some reason back at my Yandere Simulator era), Soft Universe AU, Forced Family AU, Zombie Apocalypse AU, Detecive Partners AU, Vampire AU, This Is Us AU, Gh0stB0b AU, The C0R3 AU, Future Next Gen AU, Transition AU, VillainBob AU, VillainBob 2.0 AU, SquidGame AU (for some SquidGame inspiration...), Guardian AU, Guardian AU (human version), Elliot AU, GhostBusters AU, Reality 4th AU [escape], Band AU, MiddleSchool AU, Future AU (2023), BodyGuard AU, Siren AU, L0ST AU (2 origins meets 1 mystery), Therapy AU, Musician AU, Rich AU, Mysterious Hero AU, Barista AU, Wrestling AU, T!m3Bre@ker AU, BabySitting AU, Quarantine AU, Experiment AU, Zombie AU, Poison Gas AU, Sanity AU, DON'T FORGET AU, Actor AU, AND ALSO! SquidPlusOne|C AU!

Some of those aus seem familiar to you guys and know about it. But in my own aus they're all plotted already and have completed stories now. [I just dont really write much fics cuz I'm very hyper fixated)

When it came to my mind that I've got a unique style, interest, and purpose, I've been doing alot of these fics and also drawing mostly in general. I never post much on tumblr (to avoid giving Nasty ass spoilers from other AUs and plots from my upcoming fics...

After years of my Digital arts/Traditionals of drawing and posting it here on my account... I'd like to say... Thank you so much for supporting and I'm really happy to get to stay here even if I don't interact in much.

I'm very happy and glad that most of you guys who've stayed and look at my posts for too long are literally the bomb.

I couldn't think of anything to say but a hundreds of thank yous :3 it's been so much and I will never forget the days people liked it. And even my improvement after joining this fandom.

I'm greatful to have you guys here supporting or respect or even listen to my lores, I don't even care if I'm not popular or well known person from the fandom. I just want someone to know, listen, and understand whatever I say or explain.

For the ask if 'I'm feeling well' well the neutral but also yes. Since this is the week where it's our last quarter clearance and next 3 months I'm gonna be in 3rd year highschool now... theres just a lot going on in my personal life and I don't wanna talk it out since they're all too sensitive.

It's better for me to start working again with these fics and art requests after our clearance check from school. It's hard to focus studying alongside minding another business with this as well. I gotta study harder next school year- tho I really hope I finish those drafted ones but new ideas come into my mind and I just wanna write it down!

With that thing on the way I'll do my best depends if I still visit here...

Some of you guys might or might not read this so I'm only posting this as my announcements or- something-

If some anon or someone asks me stuff from ask box I'd be very glad to answer! I don't really mind it since I don't talk to any other people here that much-

If someone asks "Octi? Are you going to leave this fandom in the future?" I mean it depends- the community of the Spongebob Fandom sometimes doesn't get that well with other people talking toxicity and mostly in twitter- people have their dislikes of 'shipping' an asexual main character Spongebob of the show.

Pssst @swagpolicerunaway thank you for staying here and I appreciate your stay man- stay cool as always 👉👉

And @3v3ry-freckle thx for reading my fics I know u read fics according to ur description hehe I'm glad people like you also read it too heheh

I mean some people have their own headcanons with a character- even if its announced already. People have their own point of view to that.

I did promise my own account here on tumblr that I'm staying in this fandom... We wont know until the future right? I'm staying here because I felt very open to my own lore and stuff, I'm also focusing on other fandoms that are popular and my studies as well.

But eh- it never hurts to stay here it makes me feel like a whole new person!

Plus I've got new online friends and other general friends who's also like me so theres no biggie problem heheh.

As long as I'm still here I get to share my own thoughts and stuff >:]

Btw there might be a fanfic I'll publish today since it's Fathers Day

🎶Every second that you see is,

Also yes I am continuing. Too much ideas from my hyperfixation? Yes.

With that further ado I gtg do something- see ya guys sometime if I update-

Twenty-four connected pieces,

Thank you for coming,

Thank you for staying,

Thank you for watching the show.🎶

[I love this song so much makes me remind of The Owl House since it ended]

[lowhangingfruit123]

The 100 March Season Unforgiving I

Aight lets cut to the chase, im here to vent my frustations, leave it open to any random that may or may not skip past me a completely random person as well and their rants about something that ticked them off that day

Lets start off with this one person who decided to open their mouth and spewed some stuff that ticked me off especially in the moment the day where I have yet to have strong feelings for anything.

Like you come to this niche discord server complain about the highlights channel having low quality "this is my first time drawing" art and be such a shekel smear merchant while advertising about your own server and how OH SO GOOD IT IS AND DEFINITELY BETTER.

again lemme preface with that the niche discord server is a small place where entry-level artists (and forgive me for using such sterile and clean language because they've already got berated by some twat goat-boating on hastag-general)

Like OK artisque connosequr would you like a side of well oiled up muscular gay men with your plate of stick figures with guns or edgy mainstream content? does that fit your criteria of good art? "Oh but what about yo shi-" what about it huh? I got an art put on the highlights channel and that art was something I did on a whim, not the other arts that I have put my heart, soul, and blood from the amount of frustrated tongue biting I do, I really really couldn't give a damn about how you think my art is bad when even I myself wouldn't think its worthy of being part of highlights with my own two eyes before I even let that piece get off from my drawing board. Now its not the ego game that should be the center focus of this problem they tossed up about, its about the other guys who were just starting out and probs got stars in their eyes when their niche discord puts them on highlights (like an animation was put on that day I highly praise the effort that goes to making a difficult thing to make such type of content and no it wasn't just the funny haha two frames, it was a short little animation 2 characters some facial expressions, abit of more effort put per se.) So I think about that and I think about how it must suck to be in their shoes being "wow my niche art discord server put my work on highlights!" only for it to be called trash by an living compost pit I don't care if he draws like picasso or davinci that pretensious statement about highlights being full of bad art rubbed the hard wrong way (and compared to some artist i've seen in the highlights channel hes DEFINITELY not part of the higher ups, more like above average)

In-fact this is my 2nd time I've seen this person open their stinkhole orifice they call a mouth and I decided "you know what you're not gonna get to say that uncontested this time" I infrequently visit said niche discord server and I can only imagine how many times they come online on that niche server to berate ppl's beginner art and be an absolute smear merchant and shilling your own stupid fangirling server about a mainstream game a lot of people love. "How are they not kicked out for-" their horrid existence and ability to construct sentences without thinking for themselves or others? Its simple really, we just wanna be polite and not start up a HUGE drama about it cuz u know its a bad image and alllll uwu~~~

besides the server has a history of both terrible mods and terrible people (and I am not comfortable sharing such a history at all. I will share one particular experience though in the next post.)

In-fact after telling them for their compost pit manure of a behavior they get chummy with the server people, like? Oh so you guys have been definitely letting this garbage heap given two legs one mouth no morality or braincells what-so-ever give you this treatment and you're ok with because they preface it as "hehe its just a funny joke bruv chill tf out slayyyy yas queen~~"

You absolute bogus of a medical practitioner "laughter is the best medicine" I would have sued you on the spot for such blatant malpractice.

anyways that's about it see ya.

[16woodsequ]

Can I have some more Steve headcannons please?

Okay! *rubs hands together* Today is a kind of ‘meh’ day for me, so Imma hype myself up with some headcanons ^^

Previous headcanon post, and second one.

TW: discussion of PTSD and panic attacks, and just general angst

Alright *checks notes* first headcanon:

Steve knew about the bugs that SHIELD had in his apartment before Fury told him.

I really like this headcanon, and I put it everywhere. But basically, I think that Steve is smart and observant enough to have found the bugs that SHIELD put into his apartment. 

So why would he leave them there? That feeds into another headcanon that I sort of mentioned before, that Steve likes to underestimated. Obviously, SHIELD thought that he either wouldn’t suspect them to bug his home, or he wouldn’t be tech-savvy enough to find the devices. I think Steve wanted to keep it that way. If he removed the bugs, then SHIELD would know he found them, and would react accordingly.

I think Steve would decide it was better to know where the bugs are, rather than remove them and risk having SHIELD put more in that he can’t find. Also, if SHIELD thinks that he doesn’t suspect anything, then they will think whatever they get from his apartment is genuine.

Usually in my mind, SHIELD only implants audio bugs, instead of visual, and they leave his bathroom without bugs.

This is important cuz, for extra angst, now we get to imagine Steve trying to manage his PTSD in an apartment that he knows is bugged. 

As you might know with my ‘SHIELD’s A+ Parenting’ headcanon, I fully think Hydra was willing to let Steve struggle with his PTSD, and I doubt they would have done anything if/when they learned about it... but Steve doesn’t know that. So now we have Steve trying to cover for his PTSD in his own home, and the only respite his has is maybe the bathroom.

With audio feeds only at least, he only has to worry about not making a lot of noise during his flashbacks/nightmares etc, but that is still a lot of pressure. (And don’t imagine Steve curled up and panicking on the floor of his bathroom, cuz that’ll just make you sad).

More SHIELD A+ Parenting/ Hydra is terrible

Going along with Hydra-being-inside-SHIELD-didn’t-help-Steve’s-PTSD: If SHIELD gave Steve some kind of counsellor or psychologist after he woke up from the ice, then I headcanon it was a Hydra agent.

That is terrible for several reasons. For one, Steve’s first experience with modern psychology would be with someone - unbeknownst to him - who did not actually want the best for his wellbeing.

Second, and going along with that, if his Hydra-therapist were to be less helpful than would be ideal, Steve wouldn’t know the difference really, and the people at SHIELD would not suspect that there was a problem. They would think he was getting psychological help, when in reality, he was getting anything but.

This would explain why SHIELD dropped the ball so hard with Steve.

Third, after SHIELD, I imagine Steve would be reluctant to get actual help. At some point he is going to have to learn what actual therapy is like. And, maybe, when Natasha puts all of SHIELD’s records onto the internet, he finally learns the his original psychologist was Hydra. That would be extremely violating, and I imagine it would take him a long time afterwards to trust going to a therapist at all— even with encouragement from Sam.  

Final headcanon for the day, and going along with the terrible Hydra psychologist: Hydra and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Cabin

This one gets my blood boiling because it is actually canon that SHIELD (/Hydra), sent Steve to “The Retreat” at some point after he woke up from the ice. (This is mentioned in Agents of SHIELD, not in the movies.)

What is The Retreat you asks? Here is the wiki on it, here is the gist:

This safe house retreat is a log cabin that is lined with the same vibranium alloy that is used in "The Cage" on the Bus. The S.H.I.E.L.D. battering ram took a long time to penetrate the door, even though it took very short for them to penetrate the highly armored SUV of Nick Fury. The kitchen was fully equipped with a fridge, sink, and microwave. The living room has a few couches, however, they are very uncomfortable. There is a computer in one corner. A laser fence also lines the perimeter of the property, keeping everything inside contained. Security cameras show everything that happens along the area.

 So. A cabin in the middle of nowhere, with security cameras everywhere, and a laser fence around the perimeter.

In other words. A very fancy cell.

*unidentifiable sounds of rage*

Okay. *breathes*. So. We don’t know when, or how long Steve stayed at the cabin (Coulson said ‘after he was defrosted’ and ‘a few weeks’), but, as you can imagine, I have headcanons about those.

Usually I headcanon that Steve is at the cabin for about two weeks, and that SHIELD/Hydra sold it to him as ‘a quiet place were he can catch up on what he missed’. Meaning that they left him there with all the files of the history he missed and told him he could leave once he was finished going through them.

I imagine his (hydra) therapist told him that in order to pass his psych exam for SHIELD, he would need to go to The Retreat. Which is wonderfully manipulative, because it would force Steve to go through all those (probably traumatic) files all by himself if he wants to a) leave the cabin, and b) work for SHIELD (and you can bet that his hydra-therapist made it seem unlikely that he would be able to manage working anywhere else in the 21st century.)

Now, headcanons as to when he did this. I have two separate versions that live side-by-side in my head:

One: SHIELD did this to him before the Battle of New York. 

This is just sad because it would mean that Steve spent two+ weeks isolated and alone, reading up on everything he missed, but not really being able to learn about and experience the world he woke up in, before suddenly having to fight aliens and meet his dead-friend’s son (who is 15 years older than him) shortly after finally getting out. 

If you want a reason for Steve being high-strung in Avengers, and doing his utmost not to show his PTSD because then he might get sent back to the cabin? Then there you go.

Two: SHIELD sent him to the cabin after the Battle of New York. 

I don’t know why, but unlike a lot of people, at the end of Avengers, I didn’t assume that Steve was driving off on his motorcycle to ‘see the world’ or whatever. I instinctively interpreted it as him just driving back to his apartment.

So, if we decide that Steve decides he wants to join SHIELD at the end of Avengers, then that is when SHIELD/Hydra might decide to send him to the cabin.

Which is just great cuz I’m sure fighting aliens and watching people die only a short while after waking up from the ice was just great for Steve and he didn’t need any support or anything during that time. Nah. Isolate him alone in a cabin. Should be fine. 

If you want a reason for Steve distrusting therapists and never wanting to admit having problems because he thinks that basically institutionalizing people is still a legitimate technique? There you go.

One day I will write a fic about this bloody cabin, but I haven’t yet.  

So yeah. SHIELD/Hydra sucks. And Steve suffered for it.

Apparently we got really angsty headcanons today, but they were fun to share! I hope you enjoyed, and if you want more headcanons let me know! 

Headcanon masterpost

[starxscream]

1, 7, 10 for OCs!

1. Oldest OC

Scratches chin. Hm. Well there's a difference between Oldest OC still in use and Oldest OC in General

Tho actually wait I forgot I brought back Ven who fulfills both of these so NVM LOL it's Ven. Yea.

I made him like. a decade ago LMAO he used to be cis and straight and now I trans'd his gender like HE DESERVED. Lmao he's where my love for GNC men stemmed from as a kid esp the bastard kind bc that's what he is <3 little smartass.

He's a furret originally and in this pic but I'll likely be giving him a redesign to use him in Mirakae as well! His pkmn vers is just in a cool RP group I'm in w/some pals GKHNGKH

He's very sentimental to me bc he's what got me into character creation and world-building even if I didn't do anything w/his original world bc I just didn't have the tools or experience to do it back then. The og fav <3

As a fun fact! My first name I picked for myself was based on his! Tho a more "feminine" version bc I was still convinced I wasn't trans- I wanted HIS name but I was like "but I'm a girl..." so... I called it an online name but let's be honest that was baby's first transgender egg moment lol

Kind of ironic the name I use the most NOW is one letter away from his, I think it's kinda a full circle moment :) It makes me happy haha esp now that I have the capabilities and knowledge so that I can portray Ven how I want him to be and how he was always meant to be, similar to my own gender presentation.

7. Do you ship your OCs w/someone else's?

LMAO YEA IF U COULDN'T GUESS BY THE AMOUNT OF SHIP ART THAT GETS DRAWN OF THEM- but yea I mostly ship with my boyfriend! 9/10 if you point out an OC they're shipped w/one of his

There's a few outliers like Ciro, my RP group characters, the MLP ocs I post, and Opal/Saffron BUT FOR THE MOST PART I usually ship with him! We have a lot of fun with it :]

10. Villain OCs?

Oh boy we got PLENTY 'a those. But it really depends on what you'd call a "villain" bc I tend to redeem most of my antagonists and "villains" bc I'm a sucker for Tropes. GKHNGKHNGH BUT AS FOR LIKE. PURE IRREDEEMABLE VILLAIN I DO HAVE SOME. Actor is there but I talked abt Actor already

SO INSTEAD WE HAVE...

Jam and Kazi! I have so many cat ocs. I know. You get used to it.

Jam is a back-alley doctor who presents herself has a helpful sort and willing to do shit usually for free/cheap as long as you agree to her terms. Tho like, 90% of the time she's testing smth experimental she created and most likely ur gonna walk away worse than when u came in. She doesn't rly have any remorse for this cuz she's obsessed with the studies of medicine- she wants to create the perfect medicine and is willing to do anything to reach that goal !

Plus she's kind of an ass and does things on a whim and literally broke up with her bf who treated her SO WELL bc she was bored of him. she was only with him for an extended period bc he was interesting and she was essentially studying him but once that was exhausted she just dipped. He deserves better </3

Aaaand then there's Kazi.

Kazi is. Well he sure is. GKHNGKHKGNHG

I won't go in depth into what he does but he's a serial killer who masks as a famous artist who travels around. I'm not gonna get into it but if you've played "The Evil Within" his M/O is eerily similar to Stefano LOL So you can Imagine how fucked up this guy is.

Very Morbid but a very good artist. In both respects. Tho one takes a "certain kind" to appreciate and sure isn't the majority. Do not condone murder here but making villains is fun GKNHGKHGH my whole thing with him is like, the person next to u could b a killer and you'd never know bc he presents himself in such a way that's very misleading! He's actually quite soft-spoken, kind, and generous but. Well.

I'm not gonna get into him cuz his mentality is very warped and could b triggering but yea. He's one of my favorites I'm sorry I'm s

(Art by Rob but design is sexily done by me ages ago)

[zhansww]

Hey, I'm new to this side of the fandom. I was a MDZS fan but I fell in love with CQL and Xiao Zhan. I try to avoid rl cp's because of experiences with fandom. However, it's impossible to ignore WY's crush on XZ. I thought of the relationship as brotherly rivals/one-sided crush from yibo. Until I saw them on stage at the tencent awards, and with the release of all these bts vids it doesn't seem like a crush it seems very much mutual and acted on. SO here I am on tumblr checking things out

In the last 48 hours I have been all over yizhan tumblr and I really love your blog because you have a very rational pov. If you don't mind me asking how did you get into this cp? what makes you think they are still together after the ao3 incident? Do you have a preference for XZ or WY and does that make it hard being a CP fan? Is there a master list you can send me to? Sorry for asking so many questions, if any of them offend please don't anwer. Thank you in advanced.

Hello there and welcome to this side of the fandom~ 😄

Thank you so much for liking my blog. It’s always really humbling for me to read such praise //// About me, trying to think rationally when it comes to YiZhan; that is something that is very important imo. These are real people that I am making such a bold statement of, after all. It would be a disservice to them and to myself if I didn’t at least try to judge what they have in an unbiased, reasonable way. On that note, I know that a lot of cp fans fell in love with YiZhan so they just believed in them first and looked for evidence second. For me, it was quite different. I became their fan in late summer 2019. It didn’t take me long to come across cp fans who actually believed that XZ and WYB are a couple irl but I just rolled my eyes at that and dismissed most of their so-called evidence. Me, I wasn’t even sure if they were genuine friends at that point. The first thing I found out about that gave me a clue was the theory that XZ gave Yibo the ox-head necklace he was wearing back then (from June 2019 until August 2020). The lip reading is what made me believe it and I thought “oh so they are friends in real life, too. how cute”. But this was around the same time that Yibo started hiding the necklace which is something that gave me pause but that I explained with “he must be annoyed with cp fans, assuming it’s a romantic gift”. It basically kept going like this for months. I found excuses for anything that confused me at first, I really didn’t want to budge from my belief that ggdd are good friends. The more I found out about them individually and about certain theories that actually made sense, the more that belief crumbled. Until weibo night 2020 which was when I had to concede that assuming YiZhan are friends just doesn’t make sense. I still remember how oddly defeated I felt. I think it’s such a bittersweet thing. They found love but they are unable to share it, to love freely. I feel for them. And I am rooting for them so badly. That was when I started to believe. I wasn’t certain until May 2020. On the 20th, a flight to Shanghai showed on gg’s schedule and dd was set to fly there on that day, too. Other than dd’s arrival at the airport that morning, no one saw either of them that day at any of the places where fans waited, hoping to see them. There were photos of them on the 21st in Shanghai but not the 20th. And then of course, there was dd’s own confirmation that he spent that day with XZ in his weibo story. To be clear, I don’t think that any one thing about YiZhan is or should be enough to make one certain they’re a couple. For me, that particular incident was the final straw, so to say. It’s what made me completely sure about their relationship. I haven’t had any doubt since. I guess this also kinda answers your second question about what makes me think they’re still together after what happened last February. There are other hints that they (and mainly Yibo) dropped last year that let us know they are still very much in love. I elaborated a bit on that here, you can also check the posts I have in this tag for actual examples.

I don’t have a preference. It’s still so funny to me when bxg say they have a bias between XZ and WYB. I genuinely can’t relate. Ehm, I could imagine XZ-biased cp fans to have it harder, though, cuz bj/yx fans are sort of representing this cp’s fandom as a whole and generally speaking, the bj/yx fandom doesn’t seem to be able to separate wang/xian from bj/yx which leads to them, willfully misinterpreting gg’s character and ggdd’s dynamic just to fit their misguided idea of what a queer relationship between two men should look like irl. You may not know what exactly I’m referring to cuz you’re new but I don’t doubt that you’ll see soon enough :/ Personally, I prefer zsww and lsfy fans. With bj/yx fans, I barely ever know what I’m getting beforehand.

I assume you’re referring to a master list of all of XZ and WYB’s content over the last years or so? I think this site might be good but it’s all in Chinese so I don’t know for sure. Hmmm.... this thread might be a start. Also, these yt accounts: BXCnSub, Prime110W and wenwen1111. I'd recommend viki and Youtube for watching their shows. Sorry I can’t be more helpful. I remember coming across an actual master list a few months ago but I didn’t save it. If I should find it again, I’ll link it. Sorry. >.<

[dusksmote]

Do you know of any other good South Park weight kink stories? I can’t find any besides yours

thanks for asking, this actually brings up something i’ve been wanting to talk about since june of last year. i’ll answer you in a second, but first i wanna talk about weight kink

specifically, the distinction between preference, kink, and fetish (and how it fits into ETL/WTSAU)

when i first wrote ETL my intention was to not fetishize kyle’s weight (though some people have anonymously accused me of doing so) while still making it clear that stan finds him sexually attractive. it’s a hard line to toe, partially because you can’t avoid describing his body when stan’s looking him over. i call this the ‘stan gaze’ and i talk about it more in this post.

so i’m describing kyle and the fact is he’s fat. he’s not chubby or chunky, he’s fat. and i don’t want to be shy about that. i have to show that stan finds these parts of him sexy, maybe not in a conventional way, but i don’t want to skirt around it. his body has rolls and stretch marks and cellulite (which for the record is more common in women but men can get it too) and stan likes all of it. he finds it hot that kyle has to work to get his pants up cuz his ass is amazing. he likes how soft he is because it’s more fun to squeeze and how kyle weighs into him when they cuddle or fuck. that shit butters was on about is for fucking real. 

have you ever hugged a fat person? it’s amazing. there’s a lot of appealing aspects to having a partner who is big.

part of the problem though is there’s a general lack of content involving fat characters depicted as sexually attractive, so it instantly comes off as deviant. stan brings this up a bit in ETL chapter 2. you can talk about how a chick has nice tits and a curvy figure and shapely legs and no one gives a shit. you can describe a man’s muscles or his tall, lanky once-ler body and no one bats an eye. i think a lot of people were initially shocked in ETL cuz the same thing is happening to kyle but it’s not something they’re used to, and that raises eyebrows. culturally we’re conditioned to think being overweight is unattractive, or only attractive in certain ways--but definitely not sexually appealing.

but the truth is--and something i’ve learned first hand since posting this series--there’s a lot of fucking people who aren’t opposed by weight, or have preferences for bigger partners. and i think that’s great!

so what does that make it?

i mentioned before the difference between preference, kink, and fetish. truthfully, when i began writing, i myself wasn’t totally sure on the distinction. i knew i didn’t want to fetishize kyle, so i did some research.

a preference is just that. something that is nice to have and one would prefer, but not a necessity. a kink is something which arouses you but is considered outside of the sexual norm. a fetish is a sexual necessity, without it you are unable to become aroused.

you could argue a lot of the guys in ETL/WTSAU have weight kinks because they think kyle is hot, but that’s only because being attracted to someone overweight is not considered part of our culture’s ‘norm’. i don’t personally see it this way because i don’t think it’s actually that abnormal. cultures shift, and it wasn’t until recently being thicc came into vogue (or rather, people were finally able to admit they like fat asses, come on). a great number of people around the world are overweight and they find love and have sex no problem. it’s not that strange.

the guys DEFINITELY have a preference though. stan and butters are great examples. they’ve both had partners who are thin and fat, without issue (except that one time stan wasn’t interested in wendy, but that’s because he was developing feelings for kyle). butters summed it up in ETL chapter 2, “fit fellas are fine but big boys just fuck harder”. they don’t need their partners to be overweight to love and be attracted to them, stan would still love kyle if he were skinny, but it’s a nice bonus and they enjoy it. 

no one in ETL/WTSAU has a fat fetish however. the best way to explain it would be if stan was only attracted to kyle because he was fat. someone online once described it: imagine you have a thing for shoes. with a shoe preference, the shoe is an accessory to your partner. when they wear it it excites and appeals to you, but you’re still attracted to them without the shoes on. with a shoe fetish, your partner is an accessory to the shoe. you only feel attracted to them when they wear them. feels kind of dehumanizing, eh? 

i hope it’s clear, stan loves kyle for more than just his looks, but he also thinks kyle is hot as fuck 😂 and if stan can enjoy it, the reader can too

it makes me sad that almost half of the bookmarks for ETL/WTSAU are hidden, because i have to assume it’s cuz people feel ashamed for liking that one fanfic where kyle is fat and they shouldn’t be. kyle’s hot, embrace it B^)

-

so to answer your post, i know a few fanfics that have fat characters who can get it. i haven’t read any that are fetish fics though (i know they exist).

first is Being Thin Is For Conformists by orphan_account. i love this fic! it’s michael x pete and pete is overweight. it has a strangely similar plot to ETL chapter 4, but i promise i didn’t read this fic until like last month XD. for some reason it’s tagged “weight gain” and “feeding kink” but neither happen in the story? idk why it’s not tagged right, the actual story is very sweet

next is Get Off At the Right Stop by YZYdragon2222. it’s not finished yet, but it’s a cartman x butters fic where butters (spoilers) has some opinions about cartman’s rotund figure. imo, every fanfic with a cartman ship should have him be unapologetically fat 😤 he can get it

another fic with fat kyle i’ve read is That Shampoo Bottle Kid by orphan_account. kyle’s pining for stan and masturbates to the thought of him. i found this one maybe a month or two after writing ETL and never bookmarked it so i can’t say it’s a favorite but hey it’s fat kyle B^)

[normal-thoughts-official]

I.t.a (Identity thief anon)

I thought I had replied (if I did and you just hadn't post it it's 1000% fine ahshs)

I love Elliott so much!! And his crush is so cute (but also looking at the bigger picture is hilarious that I killed his would be father in law lmao) also awfullest thing pixelberry did was making me choose if I wanted to be his legal guardian or if I wanted him to be emancipated only to not have to do any of them since, you know, our grandpa was still alive...

Also I thought about it way too much for a choice (with no actual impact) in a game ahshshshhs, emotionally wise I'd have wanted to be his legal guardian but I think it'd make more sense (legally) emancipation because he would still get government help but there wouldn't be a risk of someone taking him away of in case I wasn't a successful guardian, and he could apply for scholarships more easily while I worked or something lmao I was just excited in that part.

I know there are some books in which you can be poly but the only I remember was moty (mother of the year) which was a better than expected book (to be fair I didn't goof have expectations) and in that one I started to date the three love interests <3

How far along are you in endless summer, who are you romancing, what do you think of the classmates + lila and what do you think about the story in general 👀

u hadnt replied!!!! hi i missed you!!

i didnt know u could be polyam in moty! i might try it out then, i never gave it a shot cuz i hate the idea of having kids 😬 but anything for rep i guess

and YEAH I KNOW DIDNDIDNDO i love elliot so much and him and robbie are SO cute together but damn his in law straight up tried to kill us huh. like robbie deserves better than bobert or whatever his name is and im glad to have killed him but

also okay im in the middle of the second book idnfidndidndo around the part where the arachnids show up for jake. my opinions so far are kind of messy but uhhh

grace and raj are my faves, hands down. craig is a close second

i like almost everyone except for jake because hes just military propaganda in a trenchcoat with that annoying wahh im too conflicted to care about anyone white boy complex, and aleister because he was a dick to grace. idc how much he simps for her now she deserves better than him. and Quinn is kind of whatever. like her whole personality is uwu and its kind of annoying but i dont hate her or anything

the story is such a fucking mess?? udndidn i have NO CLUE whats going on 😩 if they manage to make everything make sense by the end ill be REALLY impressed cuz damn wtf is going on

im romancing sean!!!!!! what can i say, i have a type and that type is self sacrificial idiot. he has a heart of gold and he deserves better and aaaa 😭😭 u idiot man stop putting ur life in danger as the instinctual reaction BLEASE. i just want to wrap him in a blanket and make him take care of himself for once

i also like estela a lot but im not really that interested in romancing her ig? i enjoy our moments together but my feelings for her are more casual ig

i rlly want to like lila but i cannot stand her simping for discount tony stark my god. please lord just make it end

i rlly like everyone's dynamics???? its so nice to see how the group has been growing together more and more. i love them ❤️

i LOVE the vaanti. every last one of them. my beloveds. if they tried to kill us it's cuz theyre valid

varyyn and diego are the greatest couple this game has ever given me i am SO grateful for them. i just got to their first kiss and aaaaaa it was so sweet. upset at choices for not giving me art of their kiss when i had to watch aleister and grace's but 😩 its fine im fine. holding onto hope that ill get art of them eventually but i dont want to look it up and risk spoiling myself

i actually like craig and zahra as a couple a lot too which i didnt expect. i still dont fully understand what happened between them but i really hope they work it out :(

on that note i love zahra. anticapitalist queen. cant believe she fucking hacked wall street. id die for this woman even tho she wasted tiramisu

tbh i dont wanna get off the island. like what for? to go to college? when i could stay with the cool vaanti culture and be happy and not have to worry about capitalism and have sick ass tattoos? lets just kill tony stark and stay there besties

really like how they made the MC's past a mystery? like yeah we have absolutely zero past and backstory as per usual but this time it actually is an integral part of the story that we dont know that we were born in la huerta or basically anything about ourselves truly (even tong stinky didn't so like?). and it was nice to see that being a part of the story rather than just this weird feeling of detachment from the MC

the MC is so stupid and i love him

sean and craig are gay for each other. michelle and quinn are gay for each other. i diagnose everyone with gay

i literally dont have a single theory as to what the hell is going on like not one. and i have gotten almost every clue/idol/file but like i literally have no idea how to tie all of this together. this is such a mess didndkdndkdndidn im kind of excited to see what happens because ES seems to be so popular in the fandom i can only imagine the plot is gonna blow my mind, but im kind of afraid of being disappointed

and thats all ive got so far i think? udndidjd god

[stepswowdsen]

【KagePro】 KuroEne AU: Ene confronts Kuroha 🖤💙

Intro

Kuroha/Saeru + Uroboros Symbolism 🐍

KuroEne AU: Ene confronts Kuroha (Dialogue Scripts)

For the 2nd one, I imagined a scenario where, after Saeru's revealed his true intentions, Ene and Mary sneak into his underground lab and Ene finds his design/plans on the android body he made her and confronts him about his motives. I only posted a bit of it for now

Kuroha/Saeru reminds me of the imagery/symbolism of Uroboros (Ouroboros)

The imagery of a snake devouring its own tail to represent the cycle of destruction and rebirth

I've been meaning to make a post about this but I forgot

I was just thinking of how much this imagery/symbolism fits him...

F: I've heard of Uroboros from a game and the meaning, I never thought about associating it with Kuroha-

Tho it does fit, he destroys the future of the MekaDan and then the rebirth part is Mary reseting the world

Me: Destruction of the eyes at the end of a Route (destruction of the world) and rebirth (world rewinding back to the beginning)

Me: It would be nice to draw him with the Uroboros symbol 💗 I was thinking about how much it fits him with the context of KagePro!

Misc Rambles

When I first came off priv on this side blog, I was debating whether to use hashtags on my ramble posts or not.

I used to be on priv on my side blog cuz I was used to having priv accs for rambles with Twt and Insta, but then I came off priv when I realized how limiting Tumblr priv blogs were.

So I started using Tumblr as a public archive to remind myself of which rambles I've posted on my socials, since I copy post the rambles from my Notion docs

At first I was wondering whether to tag my posts (doodles or rambles) or not, but whenever I tried searching for stuff to ref old posts, I couldn't find them even with key words

I mainly started tagging my posts cuz Tumblr's search function was so dogshit I couldn't even search and find my own posts without them

Tumblr's search engine is ASS without hashtags

So I started using them to sort my interests and ref my posts

Ig the other option would be saving the links in a Notion doc and putting a header of what the post is about

Quote Bots

Me: Douman (FGO) and Idate (WATGBS AU) taught me that cannibalism can be a metaphor for intense love (in fiction) 👍

Me: OMG. LIMGUDA??? THIS QUOTE BOT FUCKS

THIS IS ALSO SO KUROENE OMG

I NEED TO CAPTION A LIMGUDA AND KUROENE ART POST WITH THIS

C: OP of this bot: Haha Cannibal gay esque quotes go brr

You, an intellectual: My demon meow meows are resonating with this

Me: 👍

Basically before Twt's bot API died, some accounts were gathering their favourite quotes from poets and literature and such, to post as tweets. And people would QRT with the quotes that vibed with their fave characters/ships

Not only LimGuda, but ngl this quote also fits sooo perfectly with KuroEne cuz of the symbolism of Uroboros, a snake always swallowing its own tail.

"Ouroboros (Uroboros): a circular symbol that depicts a snake or dragon devouring its own tail and that is used especially to represent the eternal cycle of destruction and rebirth"

Which is exactly what Kuroha/Saeru's role is by destroying the "Eyes" (killing the Mekakushi Dan who are represented by their Eye Abilities) and forcing Mary to use her powers as a Medusa to reset the timeline, causing a never ending time loop tragedy (hence, an eternal cycle of destruction and rebirth)

I first saw the Uroboros symbol in KHR with Mammon when I was 11

It reminds me of how in KHR, Mammon, who is the Mist-flame Illusionist of the Varia, has Fantasma as their frog familiar but it turns into a snake swallowing its own tail when Mammon uses their powers to fly/get more serious with their powers

Also FMA as well

F: I wouldn't call this cannibalism, just endless physical mess 😭 The fact both the moebius strip and Uroboros represents "endlessness" really shows a lot

Me: Oh yeah I meant that just in general, the quote bot mainly posts Cannibal/Ship esque quotes

KuroEne Dialogue Scripts

KuroEne AU: Kuroha joins the Mekakushi Dan and pretends to be one of them, and proceeds with the plan to kill everyone on August 15th. Mary and Ene are the only ones left and team up against Kuroha. They sneak into Saeru's underground lab, trying to come up with a plan. Ene finds his designs and plans on her body while searching through his lab and confronts Kuroha when he finds her, and Kuroha tells her how he gave her everything she wanted.

These are still WIPs but I was thinking of something like this

Not the whole thing obviously, cuz this Route is REALLY LONG. This is a snippet of KuroEne's exchange

...

KuroEne AU: Mary and Ene team up against Kuroha. Ene confronts him when they’re alone together

So I imagined this scenario would happen when Ene confronts Kuroha. Basically, Ene stalls for time while Mary goes to search the other rooms, and Ene asks him everything she's wanted to know that he kept a secret from her up until this point

(The details of his android body, how he made it, his goals/motives, why he chose to do all of this and play the game with her, etc.)

Kuroha decides to indulge her curiosity & give her answers since it's the grand finale (of their game)

Me: Was watching recent FGO story - Ordeal Call 3 (OC3) so I got inspired to write this

F: SHE CLAPPED BACK

Clock that snake

Even Kuroha brings up the fact he did give her everything she wanted

I've always HC'ed that KagePro takes place during 2014

Me: That fact's pretty much deniable. He made all her wishes come true, even if it came at a heavy cost

Yeah I imagine it probably takes place around 2010s - mid 2010s

F:

Your KuroEne AU Final Route idea of Kuroha being a helper for the Kozakura family would be such a good idea of him being able to move onto the future together, despite him revealing his evil intentions

The idea of Kuroha living along with the MekaDan and the rest of the world…

F: That's when KagePro started anyway ✨

...

Yeah I honestly think this would be the perfect ending for them

Though some things need to get fleshed out since HaruTaka are supposed to reunite in the end

It'd be nice if he uses his knowledge of tech to make a body for himself to inhabit

Maybe this time he can live out his life/existence putting his knowledge to good use instead as a guardian figure to Azami/Mary's family

Though admittedly, I'm much more interested in the XX amount of Routes in a KuroEne AU than the Final Route

Since I like exploring their endless possibilities. But a good end for KuroEne is fun to think about

F: True, KagePro doesn't end

Let them keep being reunited in multiple routes until the world ends, which is impossible-

Me: The world being constantly rewinded to the beginning means they'll get to meet again forever and ever ✨

F: Infinite sex glitch wtf 😭

Me: If I were to do a Final Route for KuroEne, I'd have to come up with a less stupid way for him getting defeated

One that's actually feasible, and not bland/boring/generic/badly written like MCA was

No way would the "embodiment of knowledge" get defeated by the power of friendship so easily…

Though right now I'm more interested in writing many KuroEne Routes

F: DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE.

Me: He's going to hang onto his concept of eternity as much as he can

The only solution that I can see for this is that Kuroha uses his knowledge of tech to occupy an immortal body himself, (maybe HaruTaka gets reunited?), but he makes himself an Ene to be with

F: My guy coded a robot girlfriend props to him 😭😭

...

Also let's be fr, Kuroha would like being called "evil" and "the most evil person in the entire world" by Ene. Because it's an acknowledgement of him and his true nature

He had been pretending to be nice up until this point for the sake of the game, but Ene acknowledges him by calling him by his true name (after he's revealed all his cards and true intentions/betrayal)

He'd take it as a compliment. He'd be especially delighted at being called "the most evil person in the whole world..." It's an ego boost for him lmao

(Just gonna use this for phrasing cuz it's hard to put a defining term on their r/s in my KuroEne AU)

Like their r/s in my KuroEne AU is like lovers in a way...? But it's really messy

...

Me: Oh one thing I thought about is that he'd like getting called evil by Ene. He'd take it as a compliment. Especially getting called "The world's greatest evil" and "An evil monster"

F: I KNEW IT

Like it's an ego boost for him

"I'm so evil even my wife calls me evil I'm so good at being evil-"

Me: RIGHT

He'd brag about being evil and how they can't kill/defeat him

"Look at me I'm so evil even my wife calls me evil!"

(I'm evil and in your way)

Trying very hard to Impress gloat/call attention towards him

It strokes his ego

Me: I was debating whether I should use the term "Evil to Humanity" or "Threat to Humanity" but that's specifically a FGO term for Beasts

The Beasts in FGO are beings that manifests as calamities that threaten human history (and represent mankinds' greatest Sins/flaws)

Me: So I didn't want it to be too on the nose. It would fit him tho

Me: Especially for him to be called "The world's greatest evil" like he'd be smug at Ene saying there's no one more evil than him

F: It's like her admitting that's he's good at being evil 😭

Tbh he'd laugh at every negative comment she makes about him

Me: Like he'd be like "My cute cheeky wife is calling me evil wwww"

"Doesn't it prove how good I am at it?"

F: Him proposing to Ene in the middle of this mess would be funny to imagine (idk why I just came up with that) 💀

Me: HWHDHSHDS IT WOULD BE

Like in a lighthearted casual way

His form of "marriage proposal" would be like "I may have killed all your friends (collateral damage who cares), but I gave you everything you wanted, didn't I?"

/lh /j

KuroEne Rambles

KuroEne is one of my top fave ships (I tie all of them as no. 1), but I definitely do approach them differently from my other faves.

KuroEne is my case study ship like it's fascinating to me

I'm studying them like a hamster spinning on a wheel

My mad scientist brain (or maybe Kuroha/Saeru's mad scientist brain?) is going off the rails /lh

Every other fave ship of mine, I want them to be happy. My ship AUs are generally fluffy and focused on the ship and their character interactions and intimate moments and them spending together. Building moments of emotional rapport.

It isn't KagePro without tragedy y'all 👍

So that's why KuroEne's relationship ends up being super angsty (angst up the wazoo). I mainly write fluff for my other ships, but I clearly have a lot of fun writing angst too

It's inevitable with Kuroha's character that his ships would all be tinged in tragedy/angst

Once my faves are past the initial animosity/hostility, getting to know each other, I could definitely see my other ships in actual romantic relationships. KuroEne is different though

I see them as the type that's not really in a usual romantic relationship, but that they will meet and cross paths with each other and meet and engage in intimacy with charged sexual tension.

My ship AU for KuroEne is focused on their character interactions and intimate moments too, but for KuroEne, I want their infinite XXX amount of Routes to keep on going forever so I can keep writing their endless possibilities cuz it's so fun to think of

All the different outcomes with them fuels my creative juices (irt art and writing)

There are some ships where I'm like "I don't think of them in terms of being in a usual romance/relationship, I just think they're interesting"

And yeah. KuroEne engage in intimacy, but their r/s would be soooo complicated and messy, and that's what makes it fun.

Like I ship KuroEne mainly because they're my faves and cuz I think their dynamic/relationship potential would be interesting to explore.

I also love that Ene is really confrontational and aggressive and assertive with him (but would still be able to have a certain tenderness/softer side towards him too in their interactions)

Cuz imo KuroEne works better as a ship than KuroTaka. Their personalities mesh better together

KuroTaka still works but even though Takane/Ene are the same person, KuroTaka has much more personality clash.

She would react differently to him as Takane and clash way more with him (bite heads and get really aggressive and violent wtih him)

KuroEne is more appealing cuz their personalities balance each other out rather well. KuroTaka's personalities together is much more imbalanced

I have more thoughts on this, but, Haruka is the perfect counter to Takane, and Kuroha is the perfect counter to Ene (who has trouble being honest with her feelings and desires)

He is generally knowledgeable and good at reading people and figuring them out/their emotions/desires...

KuroEne is a different case from my other ships tho because of Kuroha's role/setup as the instigator of the time loop tragedy constantly killing the cast who retains the knowledge/memories of previous Routes...

So in these XXX amount of Routes, they get reset back to 0 at the end, everytime, and then they meet again... And so the cycle of eternity continues. And Saeru remembers all these encounters.

Their relationship is filled with conflict and tension, desperation, love, obsession, passion, yearning, desire, attachment.

KuroEne is definitely different from my other ships, cuz, in the context of a ship AU, Kuroha/Saeru loves mainly for his own sake due to his nature and selfish, twisted desires. The emotions are real, but it lacks pure, genuine love.

I imagine that the KuroEne AU started cuz he wanted to prove his theory that humans will do anything for love.

Irt how the KuroEne AU starts

He first questions humans' desire for love (that he probably mistook as lustful pleasure) then he decided to test his experiments on Ene (due to his vessel). Takane/Ene is more affected by Haruka & Konoha than anyone else. And that's how he comes up with the whole idea of the "game" with her, their trysts. And that's when he approaches her with the proposal to make her a body...

He pulls off his elaborate scheme in the most roundabout convoluted way, lol

One that he presents to the other party as being an equal trade, but ultimately benefits himself, mostly.

When he proposes the game to her, he makes an unfair trade that mostly benefits him the most, but he sees it as fair because it "benefits both parties" and the benefits/advantages of his game far outweigh the collateral damage

He considers it fair because he gives his partner everything they want... But he robs them of a future at the end.

Though it is true that Kuroha/Saeru grants all of Ene's wishes in their relationship... He caters to her wishes and appeases her personality and whims, takes her out wherever she wants, gives her gifts, and love and affection...

Kuroha gives her everything she wanted (even if it comes at a heavy cost)

That heavy cost being - He kills everyone at the end.

He gives her everything except for what she truly wants (getting to move onto the future with everyone and have a happy life)

And he gets to satisfy his desires for accumulating more knowledge (with getting to build the android body and improve on it)

It's filled with a very ILL affection, cuz he is at his core, ill.

Even Douman can be very genuine/show more tender sides...

When he reveals himself to Ene, the betrayal's gonna sink in... Like, if you spend that much time getting to know someone then the betrayal from him revealing his true intentions is gonna be devastating

I imagine they were basically living together for 1 - 2 years in one of Kenjirou's spare homes so they're constantly around each other

I imagine that he genuinely enjoyed his act of playing pretend with his S/O (and to the rest of the MekaDan, if he decides to join them and act nice) and enjoyed the time he spent with them, and that's exactly why he won't give it up.

Like...... He's gonna push back against the idea of Ene proposing moving onto the future with everyone as much as possible for the sake of his own immortality (above all else), and then, on a secondary level, for the sake of the game - the love that's keeping him fulfilled and fueling his obsession

I wrote dialogue scripts for this up above - Kuroha/Saeru immediately pushes back against Ene's ideas/notions of moving on with everyone (what he deems as foolish)

Though said dialogue scripts are still a WIP

Like. No. He gets everything he wants this way, why should he give that up and settle for anything less?