#cuz i really was doing well... i really am improving

[ibolyafagyi]

what could it feel like to grow up with sense of being at home in the world? like a fish in water. i feel almost constantly (with varying intensity) like im a a guest at someone elses house and i dont wanna be rude or touch anything im not supposed to, which is really everything. i just sit on someone elses sofa uncomfortably and act polite and ready to leave or accommodate others for so much of my life.

there is an anger in me too, for being so overly unassuming when the world is just as much mine as anyone elses... there have always been excuses of im at my parents, im at school, i have authorities above me, but i *am* an adult now, i graduated 4 and a half years ago.

ive been fighting for confidence in therapy in my own ways, and ive gotten better and some of my outer circumstances slightly changed, but my sense of jumpiness and awkwardness etc suddenly came back since the last session and i dont have an explanation for it and im sad and burnt out. i thought i was keeping up well. maybe that sense of refreshment from the change kept me afloat and upbeat but now it wore off.

its not really in my control.

[leafuxxtea]

LISTENING TO SHADE ON LOOP, LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOO 💥💥💥

[aria0fgold]

I FINISHED THE LINEART ALREADY??? WHOOOOOOOOAAAAAA YAY YIPPEE!!! I CAN GET TO COLOURING TOMORROW??? THIS FAST??? YAAAAAAYYY!!!

[justskyla-art]

asunder

(name: alaine corman - title: "the burning" - pronouns: they/them)

[hiodoshi-ao]

.

[astrologanize]

pick a card : what can you do to ensure your blessings?❂

*please take a moment to take a deep breath and choose the image you are most drawn towards*

———-for pile 1 ⊹

do you ever feel like a plastic bag-...no, nvm, but do you ever feel like you've been typecasted? like you have been pigeonholed into being something for so long and now you're just attached to this identity a lil too much? cuz i'm seeing someone who is living as though they're an elderly person who is too set in their ways. you are the classic case of your ego blocking your blessings!

the only way for you to ensure your blessings is to start paying closer attention & recognizing the uninspired patterns of behavior you possess because there is too much ego and too much stagnancy. you can experience the life you desire if you rework your expectations and realize that what you've been accepting as your life is really a path that requires minimal motivation from you - there is no zest! no lust for life! if you are dealing with any sort of depression or low mood i can understand the lack of motivation but i'm afraid you have to actively participate in your life in order for it to change.

once you begin to rework your expectations and become an active participant in your life you will be amazed by all that you attract. you could go from being a homebody to the life of the party, you could start attracting a bunch of different people, you could start attracting a lot of attention, especially romantic attention, and you'll finally start feeling free and able to see all the choices you have for yourself and your life. there are joyous times waiting for you! stop settling for the sake of ego, set aside your pride and choose life.

———-for pile 2 ⊹

if you know better then do better. although i am seeing you open to the world, it is not in a way that is conducive to attracting what you truly desire for yourself. you're someone who seems to be winging your way through life but you're not necessarily taking chances or risks, at least none that are major or worth much. it's kind of reminding me of 'good will hunting'...like you're this person who does have strong capabilities but you're not believing such or doing anything with them.

in order for you to ensure your blessings you need to start shaping yourself to be a well-defined person who understands their capabilities and decides to do something with them. time to work on your ability to be decisive! i do not think it will be a smooth ride for you in doing so because you will run into some temporary problems as you make the transition but you will finally be doing something different with your life.

an annoying adjustment period is standing between you and your blessings! but the blessings are lovely; your connections with others will surely improve as you come more into your own as a well-defined person and you're able to show up in the connections as such - you'll be receptive to them and they'll be receptive to you because you will have an improved relationship with boundaries. 'you're okay' wanted to come through for you <3 take some deep breaths and know that you are more capable than you think you are. also it's coming through that you guys should take more photos! whether that's of yourselves or with others or of your life.

———-for pile 3 ⊹

lol y'all are giving baby energy...if you're under the age of 22 then you being childish makes sense but if you're over the age of 22 then it's giving adultchild. you guys are killing the mood ngl, i'm seeing that you have the tendency to be pessimistic, creatures of habit, and lazy. no bueno. it's reminding me of water placements that refuse to get their shit together.

in order for you to ensure your blessings you need to stop wallowing in your emotions and allowing your emotions to control you, therapy may be a good option for you but ultimately you need to start learning how to properly share & confide your emotions. this does involve you also learning how to regulate your emotions and recognizing what you are actually feeling instead of it being an endless cluster of emotions and moods. sorry but ya gotta build some structure in your life!

this will be a tedious process because you're going to have to dish out some tough truths to yourself and point the finger to the mirror so you can get a grip on your life. how can the blessings come when you're choosing to stay under all your perceived misfortunes?

———-for pile 4 ⊹

i fear you are missing the fruits of life by focusing too heavily on your own ambitions. it's not a bad thing that you are someone who has pursuits of your own that you want to follow but when its to the point of neglecting connectivity with others then it is a problem. you get so caught up in thinking that life is going to pass you by & that you need to do all these things in order to attain happiness or a sense of achievement/fulfillment that you end up living a life based in fear & bulldozing your way through life.

in order for you to ensure your blessings you need to calm down and breathe and trust that good things are happening instead of getting in your extreme existential moods that cause nothing but issues and stress and create blockage. your existential crisis for your life is making you miss out on the people around you and chances to connect on a deeper level because you're so fixated on what you think you should/need to be doing for yourself.

taking a step back from your own vortex and quelling these fears will help you to become present in your life. you will be able to have heart to hearts with people, conversations that give you the chance to improve and further the emotional intimacy in your life. life will stop feeling like an uphill battle and you will no longer be chasing fulfillment but instead actually embracing it.

———-for pile 5 ⊹

you have resigned yourself to a supposed fate that is not meant for you. either you are living your life not on your terms & enduring things that truly do not resonate with you and/or you are hung up on what you thought your life would be like & won't stop beating that dead horse. it's seeming like you're a glutton for punishment at times and choose to dwell on shoulda woulda coulda's.

in order for you to ensure your blessings you gotta do some soul searching to figure out what actually does resonate with you because once you know that, whatever you put your mind to...you will be able to attain it with far greater ease than you know. start journaling, writing affirmations, writing down manifestations, the power of the mind and tongue is palpable for you. it's time to utilize your wits, speak your mind, express your thoughts! there is too much you are lamenting and not enough creation happening, which only furthers the feeling of you being stuck.

in doing this, you will be giving up something in your life...whether it be a path you're going down or a mindset that is not serving you, whatever it is...it will be a relief for you to no longer persist with something that has offered little to no benefit for you. a new realm will begin to form as you figure out your way of truth, no more shall you be a sitting duck refusing to surrender to the beautiful waves of life. believe in the life that is and is to come!!!!!!

———-for pile 6 ⊹

suffer in silence type, perhaps? i'm seeing that you have the tendency to have a major guard up, you stick to what you know, you hold yourself back due to your own fears, and the crown is befitting because you do feel the need to hold your head high. unfortunately this does not allow for energy to flow to you though!

in order for you to ensure your blessings you need to chip away at the walls you've built and start allowing yourself a bit of vulnerability. keeping your feelings to yourself and suffering in silence is creating blockages in many areas of your life because you're living from a place of fear and not honoring sentience. you cannot do everything on your own and there is no reward in trying to. it's time to ask & accept the help of others because you must learn to trust in others and be open to leaving the confinement of your own walls. be a lil helpless, as a treat. it's a wonderful feeling to give momentary reprieve by leaning on another, and it also gives the other person the opportunity to tap into their own humanity by assisting a fellow human.

you trying so hard to stand on your own is only making you shakier! if you allow for vulnerability you will begin to gather your bearings and life will be able to flow for you. even though you will be feeling not as independent as you were of course, your sense of security will drastically improve and you will start to be okay with the bouts of feeling unassured in yourself instead of forcing yourself to always be standing upright (which only leads to instability eventually).

[thyfleshc0nsumed]

So I'm a phone sex operator and given the fact that I'm a trans woman, the vast majority of my clients come to me with sissy or sissy adjacent fetishes. Some of them are perfectly happy to keep their 'feminine expression' kept in a box most of the time. Some of them are a okay with it being just something they do to get their rocks off. It's a hobby for them.

But a lot of them aren't. So many of them want to be, cuz frankly, being fulfilled by dressing up on the weekends means that change is not required. If I can cordon off this part of myself and be perfectly happy, what is there to change?

A lot of my clients clearly aren't happy with that arrangement of their lives. Some of them will never do anything about it. But some of them are on the precipice of change. The come to me to talk through it.

I've talked to a bit under two dozen of these sorts in depth. One things that I see over and over and over again is this preoccupation with this question--"am I really trans?", and I think it's the wrong question to be asking, cuz, well, it kinda doesn't really matter.

Whatever it is that makes us feel these particular feelings about ourselves is placed within the context of our society's systems of gender. What 'trans' is is not fixed, natural, or god ordained, it's socially created.

So this question of "am I trans" just isn't very helpful. What I really wish they were asking themselves is "I feel xyz way, what am I going to do about it?" Cuz that's a material question. "What steps can I take to live a happier life?"

A lot of these girls are carried by inertia. In many ways, it's easier to keep things the same and be unhappy than make changes to improve our quality of life. But I think we owe it to ourselves to do the scary shit, to live authentically. Cuz we've only got this one life, best to start living it.

[jayvikstolemyheart]

What if Jayce was able to get Viktor to stay in the lab in episode 2?

You can tell from their body language that Jayce respects Viktor’s boundaries and autonomy, especially seen when Jayce lets Viktor walk after the latter has said his piece. I don’t think he would try to force/trap Viktor.

Instead he manages to argue that Viktor should wait and let Jayce run some tests on Viktor’s new body, to confirm that Viktor really has recovered and there’s no adverse side effects.

“I know that this is just an excuse Jayce.”

“But am I wrong? Please, I know I was reckless to use the Hexcore on you. But it would be even more reckless now to let you walk out without making sure you’re okay.”

“…”

“Stay for now, give me a few days to examine you, and if after all that everything turns out fine and you still want to leave… I won’t stop you.”

“…Very well.”

The quick ending to this story would be Viktor sees the ghost of Sky telling him to heal Jayce’s back, and then Jayce is lost to the Hivemind and Viktor becomes free to start his commune. But that kind of sucks so let’s say things are too tense for our almost-divorced lab partners.

Ekko and Heimerdinger still come to the lab because the tree was getting sick anyway, and they encounter Jayce and Viktor amidst their testing and awkward silences.

Heimerdinger is understandably alarmed seeing Viktor’s new body and Ekko’s probably shocked too, just cuz Viktor is purple and glowing.

Jayce would explain the merging of the Hexcore with Viktor in order to save the latter’s life, with Viktor being quick to inform the two guests that he had asked Jayce to destroy it, and accepted the fact that he may very well die over it.

(It definitely comes off as Jayvik being a couple who are passively-aggressively fighting in front of their awkward guests. Even better if Jayce has made everyone cups of tea like he did in the show.)

Heimerdinger is of course heavily conflicted over this. Maybe Heimerdinger had become more open minded with the Hex Gates but he always warned about the dangers of magic and ordered his former students to get rid of the Hex Core. And now Viktor has changed physically and it appears mentally as well. But the yordle isn’t so cold hearted to be able to say to his former students’ faces that Viktor should have been left to die.

I’m not sure about Ekko’s reaction to all this. He might just try to steer the conversation towards his tree’s illness. He’s got his own people to worry about.

I’m not sure what Jayce’s tests on Viktor would prove, but I like to think Viktor would be able to sense the magic on the leaf even before Jayce gets it under a microscope and sees the Hextech effects.

(Maybe it’s around here that someone, maybe Ekko, suggests Viktor gets some pants. Viktor puts on some spare pants from somewhere in the lab, but still keeps the blanket.)

This leads to the discovery that the arcana seems to be “leaking” into the Undercity. Jayce and Ekko have a similar confrontation as they do in canon. Viktor is deeply remorseful… well as remorseful as he can be in his emotionally numbed state. I’m not sure how well Ekko knew about Viktor, if he already knew Viktor was from the Undercity. Either way, Ekko definitely wouldn’t go easy on the older man for letting this slip past him.

This stresses Jayce out more, and he might even get a little defensive, at least for Viktor’s sake. He argues that Viktor was fighting to improve lives in the Undercity from the beginning, but to get permission in funding they had to take care of things that the council wanted like the Hexgates. That’s part of why they had to work so hard. Jayce describes how Viktor would pull all-nighters, working himself sick to get everything done faster so that they could eventually have the freedom to the things they want to do, like looking after Zaun.

It’s here that Viktor steps in and says that while all that is true that doesn’t make the him blameless. Viktor overestimated his own abilities about being able to accomplish things like the Hexgate and his other goals in a reasonable time. He underestimated just how much politics get in the way. Viktor contemplates how if he spoke up more, or joined Jayce in being the “Face” of Hextech he could have raised more awareness of the plight of Zaun. It only hit him all the poor decisions he made when he found out he was dying. And now the future is more uncertain than ever.

Maybe at the end of his monologue Viktor tries to leave for the Undercity again, but I imagine it would be Ekko who stops him here. Ekko points out that if Viktor is upset about the way he wasted his power as “the other inventor of Hextech” then going back to the Undercity now with nothing but a blanket in his back isn’t going to help. Ekko suggests the two come down with him to the underground of the Hexgate (can’t remember the exact name) to fix the problem there first. Viktor is a little startled but agrees with Ekko, and compliments the young man for having such a sensible head on his shoulders, unlike Heimerdinger’s other students.

(The professor is offended but Jayce is just happy to hear Viktor crack a joke again. Although Viktor argues it wasn’t a joke just an observation.)

Now what would be interesting is if they all still went to alternate universes, and if Viktor and Jayce ended up in the same post-apocalyptic reality.

Now if the Mage is the one who arranged this, then I believe he would put them in separate parts of the world, Jayce at the very bottom of the Undercity, and Viktor somewhere else, but somewhere he could still see the fields of nothingness.

Why? Well if Jayce and Viktor are together and Jayce still gets injured, then it’s the same problem as before; Jayce joins the hivemind, which would be directly against the Mage’s plans. And if Jayce manages to avoid injury, then Jayce doesn’t get his poetic journey through Piltover that mirrors Viktor’s journey, and we can’t have that.

So the two are separated for a long while. Viktor walks through fields of corpses and can sense the magic and beauty in the silence, but the parts that are still human since the lonely nothing-ness that occurs in an empty world. Viktor can move as much as he wants, he can run, leap, but none of that erases the quiet. The satisfaction of movement can only provide so much comfort. While Viktor wanders he is also mentally wrestling with the Sky Young in the Hexcore, and this Viktor is far less open to Sky’s words, cuz the Hexcore is perfectly happy in this world where the arcane has conquered everything. He moves towards where he senses magic at its strongest, to the Mage. Because it is the only point of interest in the beautiful wasteland.

Jayce does the same as before. He crawls himself from the bottom of the deepest pits, after taking apart his hammer to try and mend himself. The solitude is loud for Jayce. The pain and regret weigh heavy on him.

When they reunite, in sight of the hill but not quite there yet, they stare at each other for what feels like forever. They both thought they came here alone. When they weren’t fighting for their sanities they were worried sick about the kid, the professor, and each other. And now there stands not too far away, their partner.

They run to each other. For the first time ever Viktor is faster than Jayce. They hold each other in a similar way to how Viktor first woke up in the lab which might as well have been eons ago. Only this time Viktor doesn’t just hold out of politeness but nestles into Jayce just like the other man buried himself into Viktor’s shoulder. Even if Viktor’s emotions have weakened, the months of solitude and the suspicion towards the visions of his own mind have ignited an instinctual desperation for his partner that the learned man thought no longer possible.

Jayce nearly falls into his smaller friend as the adrenaline starts to leave him. He had a faced a constant fight to survive for months so the moment he felt an ounce of safety in his partner’s arms he nearly collapsed. Now Viktor is not just an emotional support, but stands as a physical support for Jayce and his newly braced leg. They continue to finish the journey they started, to reach that mysterious point that draws them both.

And they finally encounter the Mage, the alternate Viktor.

It’s there the two learn some incredible truths. That the two meeting is essential to the survival of the world. That Viktor’s wishes for perfection have slowly become warped underneath his skin, and if he cannot resist the wants of the Hexcore then he will doom his planet to the same fate as the one they currently stand on. That Viktor, countless versions of him, have done just that, and may continue to do that indefinitely if the Mage hadn’t altered the odds by pushing Jayce into the path.

It’s afterwards they are sent home where Noxan invasion is imminent and the war between Piltover and Zaun is delayed but still hangs heavy in the air. And now Viktor stands in the centre of all that feeling like there’s a ticking time bomb in his chest.

The memory of Jayce’s corpse holding the hammer haunts Viktor. The deep sorrow and regret of the other Viktor haunts Jayce.

Viktor suggests that he must die once again. Not just that but absolutely vapourised to get rid of any risk of the Hexcore coming to life and taking over the world. Jayce refuses. Yes Viktor has changed but it’s still the same man deep down. If the Hexcore could really control him, would it not have done so by now? As long Viktor doesn’t give in to the voices, they still have a chance to make things right.

Viktor realises now that Jayce won’t drop this. All he can do is make Jayce promise that if the Hexcore takes over, then Jayce will kill him then. And if he still thinks he can’t do it, then he won’t stop the people who are brave enough to do it. Jayce reluctantly agrees.

With that, they go and try to find Ekko, to find out what they need to do with the current threats, swallowing down the fears of what resides in Viktor’s chest.

[edgeray]

Hi Ray! Looked to see that you have requests open and I just wanted to hear your thoughts on mad scientist!reader who after learning about Arle’s past through the leylines, decides to request Nahida to take them to Irminsul to bring back Clervie? Can totally imagine Arle and Clervie being great parents to the HotH children (Arle being Father and Clervie being Mother)

Alternatively - what do you think happens with Mother!Reader and Arle in HotH? Reader reading storybooks to put the kids to sleep late at night with Arle at the side watching on as the proud Papa she is, all the stolen glances at each other when they think the other isn’t looking, all the looks of disgust from the children when they see their Father princess carrying their Mother the moment she gets home… (I’m really, really desperate for domestic fluff)

I am of the strong opinion that it doesn’t matter how strong Arle is, she doesn’t deserve to face all these responsibilities alone. She deserves someone as her equal and lover, one who respects her boundaries and loves her for her in a healthy relationship!

I’m going to hazard a guess and say that your inbox is probably flooding with requests, so if you don’t want to write this it’s okay, just treat it as ramblings (I’ll support your work regardless ^^)

A Home To Return To

(Arlecchino x GN! Reader)

A/N - Hi anon! :D Before I start, next time you request, do you mind giving yourself a name or something that indicates that you, are well, you! ^^ I’d like to put a name to my future anons so I can differentiate between you guys. Makes it a little more personal. When I got your request, I was not flooded with requests, but I think I got like… 5 or 6 requests in the span of the past 24 hours so… you are right. This is a bit shorter, but I think this is pretty good for a 3AM writing. It doesn't completely follow everything you included but it's still domestic fluff! Content warnings / info - reader is referred to as 'mother' but otherwise GN! reader, no warnings, a bit of angst on arlecchino's part 'cuz I couldn't resist but it's mainly fluff, i promise, 0.9 words

Thoughts on mad scientist! reader will be at the bottom, because I want to prioritize the domestic fluff 🫶. And yes, Arlecchino deserves the best for her partner! Good thing there's you! ;)

Arlecchino did not know what a home was. Home was many things, but a home was neither a place of comfort nor a place of safety. If home was the place of relentless pain and practiced violence done onto her siblings by one another, then she'd rather tear apart what a ‘home’ was, brick by brick if she had to, to undo as much of the atrocity that is Crucabena's vision of a home, and rebuild her own. Her vision, however, lacked clear guidance and direction. How could she know what a proper home looked like when she herself had never had one?

Years ago, she thought she found her answer in the shape of a pink-haired girl, with a white headband, and a Lumidouce Bell necklace. Arlecchino has learned that everything always returns to ashes, and so the inklings of what a home was died away like the girl's embers. 

Still, she has tried her best to create a proper home, built from her blood-spilt and cursed hands. But with such vile foundations, the House is still far from what she hopes for it to become, as far away from her vision as the stars of fate. She knows that she alone cannot craft the home that her friend sought out, not when the most she can do is contradict Crucabena's House of the Hearth as much as possible. Still, it is not enough. The House of the Hearth children still suffer under her rule, a meager improvement from Crucabena, and she detests the thought that her House could be comparable to that wrench's. 

But she alone was not enough. Arlecchino was many things, but a builder was not one of them. She could not build a home fitting for her and Clervie, and she could neither build a home fitting for her children. She aimed endlessly for an answer, and then. 

She finds you. Her answer. 

It is ironic, Arlecchino finds, that although you do all the same things that Crucabena does, you swell with the warmth that she lacked. Yet again, contradiction is her answer, just like Clervie had been. Like Clervie, she finds home within you. 

She returns home, like she does every time her Fatui business is done, and like other days, she awaits your greeting once she arrives at the door. She imagines the heat of your body, how it melts her frigid exterior with just your arms around her; your sweet words which sweep her fortified defenses away, much like how a sandcastle easily crumbles under the gentlest of waves; and your gaze softened and full of an emotion unfitting for someone like her, someone undeserving of love, of all things to associate with her. And yet you do. 

Except, when she returns that day, you are not there at the door. She uncharacteristically pouts–an action the Fourth Harbinger rarely degrades herself to doing. Her upset is apparent to the children that do greet her, with their directed sneers to one another about how the Knave sulks. 

“Father, Mother is currently reading a book to the little kids in the living commons,” one of her children comes up to her, a knowing glance at her. Arlecchino nods, and strides her way towards your whereabouts, nodding and greeting her children along the way, until she stops at the doorway of the room, gazing behind the couch as you finish the book you wrote yourself. She remembers it endearingly, as you based it after your encounters with her, and then the two of you's eventual engagement. 

It is here, where she affirms to herself, that she's found herself a home. A home close to the one that she longed for, a home suitable for her children. It is you that can thaw the iciness of reality for the children and for her. Surrounded by the young children, you've never seen more etheral and beautiful. 

“... ‘the end!’” You finish as you shut the book. “Did you guys like the book?”

The kids giggle, looking towards their Father's direction as Arlecchino waits expectedly for you to notice her. Still unaware of your husband's presence, you stand up, from the couch, placing down the book on a nearby table. As you whip around, you're met with Arlecchino's form. A charcoal hand outstretched to cup your side, the other moving to stroke your cheek.

“You're home, Arle,” you greet as you lean your cheek against her palm. Her red-crosses glances at your eyes. Like always, there is a tenderness in them, a tenderness that makes her weaker than any attack. 

“Indeed, I am.” 

You lean in, pressing a light kiss against her nose. Arlecchino responds by leaning her forehead against yours, enjoying your proximity.  

Unbeknownst to the two of you, the children around you gag at the sight. 

“A bath would do you well, my love.”

My love. Oh, how deep does her will plummet from those mere two words. 

“Are you implying something, darling?” The Knave teases with a lilt. 

You chuckle. “Of course not. Let me prepare you one, love.” 

“There is no need–”

“Arlecchino, let ‘Mother’ take care of ‘Father,’” you hum, pressing a kiss against her cheek. 

Arlecchino chuckles, closing her eyes and accepting defeat. “Yes, my love.” 

“Get a room!” One of your rowdier children yell, interrupting what you were going to say.

“Perhaps…?” You start, knowing that Arlecchino knew your question already. She nods, bending down to fix one arm underneath your knees and another behind your back before lifting you in a bridal position. You squeak out in surprise.

“Was this necessary?” 

“Hush, love. Bathe with me?” 

“Mmm… alright.” 

Arlecchino carries you down the corridor to your room, followed by the snicking of the House of the Hearth children. 

---

My thoughts on mad scientist! reader: 

I'll be completely honest to say that I do not know a lot of Genshin lore, so unfortunately for the mad scientist! reader idea, I can't say anything besides the fact that it sounds very cool. I love the idea of Clervie being resurrected, and I can definitely see Arlecchino and Clervie as being Father and Mother. Arlecchino and Clervie being Father and Mother has my entire heart; this is the Arlevie inside of me screaming out.

Though it makes me wonder why reader would do this in the first place, what does she get out of it? I'm not sure exactly what kind of relationship you had in mind with reader and Arlecchino in this, but if reader did this for Arlecchino solely out of her affections towards Arlecchino, then it certainly makes the mad part about reader accurate.

In that case, it makes for a very interesting dynamic between reader and Arlecchino, whether platonic or romantic; Arlecchino likes to think herself of a very sane, rational person and especially want to be away from more enigmatic people, perhaps like reader themselves. This could spin into a very interesting take about obsession vs. love, which I am all for it. 

Something else that has me thinking about this ask throughout the day is the motive of why exactly reader would do resurrect Clervie, so here's another idea that still makes reader a mad scientist. What if reader, Arlecchino, and Clervie were all children of the House of the Hearth and they were best friends? Reader and Arlecchino were the only ones to survive under Crucabena's reign over the House of the Hearth (maybe reader was under the tutelage of Dottore, so they were able to escape the Kingmaking event). Both reader and Arlecchino do not take Clervie's death well, of course.

With the passing of your best friend and being around Dottore, it's bound to make you a little insane. Like Arlecchino, you obsess over her death, never having gotten over her. After witnessing Clervie's shadow, you get inspired to truly make her alive again, not just a shadow. I don't know, this was just a silly little thought of mine.

<3 i wish i could pick my brain a little more but I think this is all I have, hopefully this satisfies you anon! 

[lilac-den]

Ok. So... You know that the fandom exist an au call Actor AU right? If the TSR ROs are all actors, how would they be?

A...Actor AU...? 😶 I'm not gonna lie, I am so clueless on this part. But from what I looked up, it tells of characters actually being actors who play in a movie, series, etc...?

So if u mean how the ROs are like if they were actors of TSR... 🤔 I'll answer, but I can imagine the casts all becoming pretty good friends cuz of how well the chemistry is.

Maverick: Still pretty stone-faced/hard to read but by then, his fellow cast members (mainly Rydigan, Ittania, Enid and MC) would have catch hints of how to read him. His parents r still horrible, but in the Actor AU, they're probably separated and he has already cut ties from them.

In his romance tho, he would probably stare at MC a lot, side-eying and taking glances. The crew would probs comment how Maverick is a lot more intense and focused when its scenes between just him and MC...

Rydigan: Even off screen, he's the life of the party and the one who remembers each and every crew members' names. If it isn't his charming smile people fawn for, it's his cheery personality. Wouldn't surprise me if he got the acting gig cuz he was scouted randomly on the street. He's also the one who would probs suggest hanging out together, cementing the bond between the little group.

In his romance, he would try to chat with MC and the crew would note how Rydigan just instinctively knew which direction MC comes from or when MC would arrive on set.

Ittania: She's the one most excited about the role - it's her first big role, but she has done a lot of voice acting and cameo/background roles. Lots of people sees her as a cool, big sister type while others can't help but notice her due to the energy she radiates. Some of the crew and her agency are a little protective tho, given her naive and oblivious nature.

In her romance, she'd be the first one putting an arm around MC's shoulder and greeting her really casually and closely. She'd want to hang out with MC and even ask them if they're down to practice their lines together to better prepare the scenes they have together. Might ask MC if they want to do some voice acting with her too, like a collab.

Enid: She's a very high-demand actress. The crew are surprised the directors and producers even managed to get her to accept the role offer. She's very diligent and doesn't like to make mistakes. She's a bit tough to befriend, but Maverick, Rydigan and Ittania got through her icy exterior. With MC, she'd thought MC might just be a newbie who got lucky until she had a scene with them or she saw how they acted out the scene of the Prologue (the one with the apartment). She's impressed by how much anguish MC managed to act and thus, her opinion of them improved (she refuses to admit that this was the moment she started being their fan).

In her romance, she'd be pretty tough on MC but not out of malice. She has seen how rough the acting world can be and while the gang provides helpful advice, she brings out the harsher criticism. Like how MC's body language isn't portraying right or how they're too casual instead of awkward for a scene about discomfort, little stuff like that. But on rough days, like if MC mess up big time, she'd stay near them and just be that comforting presence before passing a coffee can to MC, a silent way of cheering them up.

Bonus

Sylphina: MC's manager who got roped into the role because the director saw how she behaves with MC and just went "You'll do!" She didn't want to at first, but ended up relenting at MC's request.

Ben: One of the most well-known actors in the industry, a very A-list actor. Is probably the one who dragged recruited MC into the acting business, especially having them join the same agency as zim.

Thank you for the ask, anon!

[whateverisbeautiful]

Are u going to do a Richonne in Retrospect for TOWL? How do you feel about the show breaking up the friendship with Michonne and Maggie? How do you think Richonne would react to Daryl leaving to find them? What do you think about a TWD season 12?

Thanks for these questions! I hadn’t thought about doing Richonne in Retrospect for TOWL. I’m really looking forward to rewatching TOWL when it comes to Nextflix next month tho and since it’s been a minute since my last rewatch I know watching it again will stir up even more thoughts and observations than the hundreds I’ve already had. Depending on what additional thoughts come to me I know I probably won’t be able to resist putting it in writing and sharing it here. 😊 Wrote out my response to the rest of the questions below ⬇️💗:

How do you feel about the show breaking up the friendship with Michonne and Maggie?

When it comes to Michonne and Maggie, I think it was definitely sad to see the sour note that ended on because they did seem to have a sweet friendship at one point. They could have been a real support system to each other as they navigated raising sons who both (at the time) weren’t getting to have their fathers in their lives.

However, when some of us say that team family sorta stopped feeling like family at some point, I think Maggie is an example of that as someone who still loved the group but definitely branched off into other territories. Which is fine, it’s just sad thatshe didn’t even want to inform Michonne about her going off to establish community elsewhere and that their friendship remained fractured.

I stand by thinking that Maggie had every right to feel hurt that Rick made the executive decision to spare Negan. Where Maggie loses me tho, is in how she went about navigating her hurt by going behind Rick and Michonne’s back. If Maggie had stayed post-Rick’s departure, I’d be curious how Michonne and Maggie would or wouldn’t reconcile their friendship after everything that went down.

How do you think Richonne would react to Daryl leaving to find them?

I might be wrong but I think I saw some people clarify that Daryl hadn’t left at the end of TWD with the primary goal of looking for Rick and Michonne but instead was on some mission from Maggie? And during his travels, he told Judith he’ll be on the lookout for her parents as well? I only saw the series finale once and none of the other spin-offs so I really don’t know the specifics with that. But either way, I believe Daryl was hoping to potentially locate them while he was out and I think Rick and Michonne would appreciate that Daryl wanted to find them.

I think if he’s been gone for a lot longer than expected, they’d worry about him and they’d want him to come back home. But Rick and Michonne would know that they need to stay home with their kids and they’d probably trust that Carol will be successful in finding him. Maybe someone can fill me in - when Carol reunites with Daryl in their show do they at all imply that she knows Rick and Michonne are back home? 

What do you think about a TWD season 12?

I wouldn't be crazy about a TWD Season 12. I would watch for Rick and Michonne but I personally think it would be a better idea to wrap everything up with a TOWL Season 2 instead. And I don’t just think that cuz I'm biased about Richonne even tho I am biased about Richonne. 😋

I think TWD already has such a reputation as neverending and a lot of people are weary about this franchise not knowing when to hang it up. A Season 12 will attract the most loyal in their fanbase but would likely be viewed negatively overall. Especially if they just repeat some of the bad habits new TWD developed.

But if they did a TOWL Season 2 where they maybe make it 8-10 eps instead of 6 and they keep Rick and Michonne the main characters at the forefront while including familiar faces from the TWD cast, that could have a more successful result imo. Rather than feel like a stale continuation, TOWL was a refreshing improvement and promoting a season 2 that incorporates important TWD characters could feel more fresh and exciting than stale and drawn out.

As talented as the TWD ensemble is and has been since the start, Rick Grimes is the franchise’s ultimate protagonist and so ensuring that the season is still built around him and Michonne will keep the story focused and grounded. That'd be key - TOWL season 2 still should be Rick and Michonne's and the cast shouldn’t be bloated with a hodgepodge of characters and storylines. I know expanding and continuing the TWDU has become the network’s priority so I doubt that they’d want to wrap everything up or even be able to wrap everything up in a TOWL season 2 now that timelines and locations are so widespread. But in my mind that'd be a good way to close out the franchise. Let Rick and Michonne band with their family to take on one last major threat (a threat that should feel unique and not just a rehashing of former big bads) and save the world one last time.

If they can do that in a way that includes tight compelling storytelling from beginning to end, I’d want that. Especially just to be able to know for certain that this story is officially closed and the actors can get their flowers for playing roles that saw a confirmed beginning, middle, and end (and end doesn’t mean death, I gotta just make sure I put that out there lol. Cuz I only want Rick and Michonne to return if they get to both live long lives). But if not, then TOWL Season One’s final note is great as is. 👌🏽

[sufferu]

i really like ur fic so far. 10/10♥️

I have been an anastasia hater since the start. So I hope to see stuff from her perspective. What would her reaction be when she realises she duped an innocent and desperate man for her own gain and left him and his friends die Just to get a leg up on her political opponent. She can't use the excuse that anything she did "didn't matter cuz the loop failed therefore I didn't do it" BRO you did THAT. Babygirl u have the biggest information network out of anyone u didn't need to manipulate a desperate man to get what u want.

And how would Julius even react to that? The lady he swore loyalty to doing something scummy like that. To his friend too. And now she wants to butt her nose in another camps business? And tell them to do this and that? Like damn girl

I am absolutely biased but I have a point.

Thank you so much for the praise! I am very much enjoying the story and I have a lot of plans so ;) look forward to that!

Though…I see your criticism of Anastasia, but I raise you: in that loop, Anastasia was trying to teach Subaru a lesson.

Obviously it wasn’t her ONLY motivation here, but — the lady set up The Most Obvious Trap in the world that anyone with a lick of self-awareness would have been able to see through in like five seconds (fucking hell all of her men were still in uniform and they were sitting in the middle of the room), took her time to play out an actual negotiation as a test, and then when she got what she wanted took the time to spell out exactly what she saw as his greatest flaw and what he had to do in order to improve. Hell — this is directly paralleled in the (LN) final loop, where Julius goes out of his way to give Subaru a clear test the next time they meet in the form of dragging him into an impromptu negotiation table and practically frog-walking him through a shoddier version of what Anastasia had set up in that restaurant (AFTER negotiations had already been settled, as evidenced by Mimi very nearly completely blowing Julius’ cover in her confusion about what he’s doing). Hell, you could even make the argument that it’s implied she tried to teach Subaru a lesson like that on JULIUS’ behalf, considering the extent to which that man goes throughout this arc to try and guide this dumbass to a path of self-improvement.

Doesn’t change the fact that it was HORRIBLY cruel in retrospect. Like, even putting aside the fact that Subaru was crawling to her in desperation after (from his POV) watching all his loved ones die horribly TWICE and also being chained and psychologically tortured in a cave for several hours, thus making it nowhere near the time or place to try and teach him about being more self-aware — the lesson that Anastasia would have been trying to teach him in that loop was THE WRONG LESSON. Self-absorption isn’t the thing that Anastasia would likely see as Subaru’s core flaw within everything that happens in Arcs 1 and 2: she’d actually probably think that he’s WAAAY too selfless, to the point where he’s repeatedly destroying himself for the sake of other people who hardly deserve it and kinda completely ignoring any ideas of proper compensation for his effort. In fact, Anastasia might even look at it like “THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT HE SHOULD BE LEARNING RIGHT NOW. I’M MAKING IT WORSE.”

(And as for her butting into another Camp’s business — well. I have a scene planned for the next chapter, so I’ll leave it at that for now.)

[heartsplitopen]

10.24.24

- I kind of struggled today when it came to studying not gonna lie. I’ve enjoyed going back into my workbooks and taking notes/studying from those instead of repeatedly taking practice tests, but I feel like I still have trouble applying what I’ve learned

- I got through two chapters again, one in my PowerScore Logical Reasoning Bible about resolve the paradox questions, and one in my PowerScore Reading Comprehension Bible which I haven’t touched in a while cuz I feel like reading comprehension is my strong suit already

- I then decided to try and complete a logical reasoning practice section on LawHub, but I really struggled to get through it and didn’t do great when I ended up finishing it and seeing my results

- Idk if I’m burned out or what; I was on such a roll earlier this month and improving exponentially but now I feel like I’ve regressed

- It’s frustrating to feel like all my studying is not paying off even though I know it has in some respects because I’ve been doing well on some practice sections/exams. UGH why can’t things just be easy. I hate whoever invented this test lol

- I’m thinking of maybe using flash cards/quizlet with each question type on a card and tips/tricks I can use to approach them. I tend to memorize things better that way so maybe that’ll help

- I can’t let this test defeat me I am determined to beat it. I know I can get there I just have to be patient (which is not a strong suit of mine lol)

- I hope everyone is having a great day!

[drenched-in-sunlight]

hello hi!!! grfhvhghr i am in love with your artwork so much you cant believe-- i wanna ask if you have any tips on how you lineart and colourpick?? no pressure to answer tho, have a great day/night!! again, love your art <33

hi!! thank you for your kind words!! since i got asked about these a lot, im answering this for all the other ask asking about lineart and colour tips too! You can see some previous post here.

also i could only give out tips that work for my drawing style - which is heavy lineart / colours pop up the line (believe it or not it's American comic book style. ppl cant understand why my art doesnt really look like usual anime/ Asian webtoon style, even though it is still clearly anime / Asian webtoon style, but when i told them it's because im drawing these by studying American comics, no one believes it either lmao.

i do study but i do my own things too, so most of my art inspo is really unexpected to ppl, but they r really where i learn things from, cuz i dont even go to art school TT_TT).

Changing the brush size will help you achieve thick/thin lines better without having to put pressure on your wrists. Keep your hold relaxed and let bigger brush size give you the thick strokes.

I like messy sketch, to me the sketch is just an outline shape to fill details in when i do the line, it also gives more freedom to wriggle as i draw! cuz i dont really plan out everything from the start, just wing it as i go, so a lot of my work is actually very spontaneous.

that leads to this point: when you do the lineart you should start deciding which colour style you want from it to adjust the details amount. the ink shadow blocks in my art aren't there randomly, i adjust them to best complement the shape language and colours.

for piece where i want the line/shadow to...idk hit (?), the colours are almost flat with textured brush adding depth to them, so the inking is the shading, thus there are more details in the lineart / ink blocks.

for the video above and piece like this where i want the colours to be clear and pop out, the use of ink blocks are minimized and i do the shading during colouring process. but! the ink blocks can still make some places pop very nicely! just use in moderation!

when doing the base it's good to keep the colour on the left side of the colour wheel (low saturation), but as you do shading and lighting, try to spread out evenly so it won't look washed out.

toggle around with hue and saturation slider as you go! the key is always adjusting! you're making hundreds of decisions at once, being conscious of your choice in why a line or a colour should be in a certain way will help improve your process a lot! (i think you can tell which art i turned off my brain and just draw for stress relief ........ which is also a valid way to draw and sometimes the result might surprise you! but for more serious stuffs i try to be aware of most of the move i make. it's problem solving, yeah?)

i find that one way to keep your art from appearing too...yellow in the end (which is sth that haunted my ass for a long while) is always aim for cold tone, so if you accidentally make it warm either way in the end it won't be too warm (and yellow :cry:)

well that's all the stuffs i can think on top of my head. sorry i can't give more advice on colour picking cuz it's sth i don't really know how to give advice on???? i think my colours now are still pretty lame haha........ if there are still any questions i'd gladly answer within my ability, though im very slow to answer ask ( i do read and be happy at all of them tho!)

[waitineedaname]

Um. do you think about how mr & mrs kageyama are undoubtedly on the Good-er side of the Parents scale but also are probably viewed differently by ritsu and shigeo. like i think about how ritsu probably had to be the easy one (the one that doesn't need you to care about them and comfort them) since shigeo has probably come home beaten up and bloodied enough times for the both of them?? also i feel like they might've said something like "well shigeo you don't HAVE to do [thing that will make any parent happy/proud] right ritsu :)" at some point. like idkkk i feel like that is definitely part of why ritsu feels so pressured to be twice as good at whatever he does (to make up for whatever mob lacks) but also if anyone said that to me i'd kill myself on the spot because it puts Zero trust in mob's abilities? like i feel it doesn't give him a chance to try because well ritsu will do it anyways why do i need to :/ (but then body improvement club happened. W)

anyways i just thing his parents (unintentionally) put sooo much pressure on ritsu. like the bar for being Good is drastically different for ritsu and shigeo*. and pre-claw ritsu thought that half of this pressure would probably disappear if mob did what he was ""supposed"" to do as the Older Sibling which might be one of the many many reasons ritsu thought he hated him?

*marathon arc is the first instance that comes to mind cuz...idk..before it happens they're like Hm. we should go wait in the middway of the path for shigeo (who waited for ritsu at the finish line?🤨). and after it they're like hehe ritsu got 9th place and shigeo did his best :) (this just sounds. damn. the bar's that low/high?). and both of these are normal! considering how shigeo and ritsu are! but i also feel like they're only normal because that's what you'd expect from shigeo and ritsu respectively which kind of. fucked up my worldview.

okayyy this got long. Sowwy. 😆

the kageyama parents make me NUTS when I think about them too hard bc they're probably the best parents in the series and definitely the most normal, but with being normal comes very normal flaws and parenting fuck ups, like comparing their sons. like comparing kids against each other is a very normal and common thing for parents to do, but it fucking sucks, and it's only made worse with the specific baggage the brother have

they absolutely put so much pressure on ritsu, which is one of the components of him snapping in the cleanup arc. he's like,, the ideal that they compare shigeo too, like they're always like "shigeo, why don't you get better grades, like ritsu. shigeo, why don't you stop doing weird things, like ritsu." I feel like the best example of this is these two pages from the cleanup arc (chapter 23, if you're curious)

literally every day I think about "ritsu is way smarter than I am. he doesn't do anything weird" [panel of ritsu looking so fucking haunted]

I'm going to put the rest of this under a read more because I had a Lot To Say

anyway, this sets up the expectations for the two of them. shigeo is the one who struggles at school, who messes up, whose psychic powers do weird things. ritsu is the star student, the perfect son, the Normal One. neither of these expectations are fair to them at all, especially since shigeo works really fucking hard when he sets his mind to something, and ritsu has to wear the mask of normalcy and perfection even if it doesn't feel right. it puts too much pressure on ritsu and sets mob up with the expectations of failure! goddammit!!

I don't necessarily blame the kageyama parents, I mean like I said, this is a very normal thing for parents to do, especially with kids so close in age. I've been compared to my stepsister, I've seen this happen to friends who are close in age to their siblings. it sucks ass, but it's a very normal flaw for a family to have. but also, even though the series really emphasizes that psychic powers are just a normal thing, I don't think the kageyama parents were equipped to deal with the specific issues their kids have bc of psychic powers. I can't help but wonder how much they know about that part of their sons' lives... the more I think about it, the more I think that ritsu definitely didn't tell them the truth about the first ???% incident, he definitely lied to protect his brother because I feel like they would treat shigeo differently if they knew he almost killed his brother and several teenagers at age ten. and it's unclear how much, if anything, they know about the major arcs of the show. do they know ritsu was kidnapped? do they know shigeo was trapped in a mental hellscape for six months? I'm pretty sure ritsu actively hid the events of the world domination arc from them. we see their mom watching the news report in the confession arc -- did she see her son on the screen?

idk, I just get the impression that the brothers don't really let their parents into that part of their lives, which means they still get treated normally but also means their parents don't really understand them. I think that's part of why reigen was so important to mob's development as a kid, because he gave him a person he could go to about things he couldn't talk about with his parents. it also means ritsu was especially isolated because he didn't have that kind of person, at least not until he and shou became friends

also what you said about ritsu being the "easy one", that fits directly into the way I think about both of the kageyama brothers being autistic. I think mob was much more visibly autistic, probably needed more support, and because ritsu didn't need the same support, everyone assumed ritsu must be allistic. I think he knew he was the "easy one" between the two of them and I think that got wrapped up in him masking a LOT to make things easier on his parents so they could focus on shigeo. this kid is so damn undiagnosed that I don't think he even realizes he might also be autistic until his teenage years at least

something something psychic powers as a metaphor for autism something something ritsu desperately trying to seem normal because he doesn't have powers, but also desperately wanting to get powers and stop having to act normal. this kid is so fucking sick of masking.

[literallyjusttoa]

Hey guys! I'm putting out a call for my commissions again for two big reasons: One, Emergencies have caused me to be low on funds when I wasn't expecting it, and that kind of sucks actually. Two, I have a project that I've been dreaming about for years but have actually been able to start working towards in the last couple of months, but to finish it I need to not be living paycheck to paycheck for like a month at the very least, which brings me back to point one :(. I will talk more about the big project under the cut, bc I think it's something you all might really enjoy!

But for now, I will link my commission sheet: Here (It's also my pinned post)

And my new Ko-fi!: Here for if you just want to donate, which would be literally incredible and I would owe you my soul actually.

Ok now for big Project Time!!!

I am in the process of editing and revising my first Youtube video! This has been an on and off dream of mine for like 7 years at this point, but I've finally taken the plunge and gotten to work on a channel. I wanna talk about all sorts of fandoms (including the riordanverse ofc) With videos ranging from plot and character analysis, to trends in fandom culture in general, to fun little ranking videos and speedpaints. All around, I just want the channel to be a fandom hive, where everyone can find something they enjoy.

I already have PNG's created of my sona to use as assets (And I have a sparkly new sona, the one in the pic above!) and I have two finished scripts, with the first one being fully recorded as well! One for my first video, which will be a retrospective on Gravity Falls, and one for a video about the Percy Jackson TV show, the inherent differences between TV and books as mediums, how I think the TV show could improve, and the things I think it got perfectly. I also have a bunch more ideas, such as:

BIG Trials of Apollo video essay, with a focus on how the books and the fandom have effected me over the years.

Ranking all of my favorite characters from all of the media I've been a fan of over the years (This would be over 70 characters)

Explaining the Iliad, but make it funny (with a side of Troy apologia)

Reading Lore Olympus and pointing out how it deviates from myth (the things I'm willing to do for you people /j)

Canon vs. Fanon, where I compare a characters canon characterization with their fanon counterpart and try to figure out how things turned out the way they did.

And more, but I don't want this post to be 5000 words long.

Now here's the big question. As I said in the part above, I'm struggling a bit now money-wise. And I really wanna make this project work, but there's also, you know. Tuition. Rent. Food. Stupid other adult stuff. So if anyone is amenable (and this is totally up to demand, I don't wanna pressure anyone into doing anything!) I was also thinking of maybe making a Patreon. Now, I'd have to do research for this, bc I wanna make sure anyone who signed up would get the right rewards and really get the bang for their buck. I'm pretty sure there's not gonna be much interest in this rn, cuz like, I'm not that big of a blog oof. But if anyone is interested! Here are some of the perks I would definitely be implementing! (sry it's another list)

Early access to videos, and behind the scenes looks at art assets and video creation

the ability to request topics for videos

Patrons names being shown in the videos. And higher tiered patrons getting custom chibis that will be shown in videos as well (and given to the patrons obv)

This ones a bit complicated, but I want to create a cover of a song that has to do with each video to play during their outros. So like, for the gravity falls video, I'm gonna record a quick cover of the Disco Girl song from the show. Only a small section of the song would be in each video, but patrons would get access to the full covers, and be able to request songs to be covered.

Discounts on commissions

A monthly speedpaint that would be exclusive to patreon. Patrons would be able to vote on what the drawing would be.

All of these ideas I'm 100% sure I want to add to a patreon if I make one, but obv there could be more that comes up later. I'm just gauging interest on this idea rn, so let me know if that's something you'd be down to sign up for! Maybe I'm jumping the gun here but I'm just really excited to create and give back to the community and aaahhhhh

Now, no matter what, I'm gonna have this first video out by mid-September at the latest. Because stupid money troubles are not gonna stop me from making this a thing dangit. So look out for that, I'll link the vid here when it releases! But I am just really stressed rn and any support would go a long way towards making this dream come true. And on that note, one more sappy real talk if I am allowed it?

If you've read this far, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. This community and fandom is truly incredible. My blog is about to reach 5 years old, and I've never seen a group of people so accepting and creative and just fun to be around. You guys have truly changed my life, and I wouldn't have the courage to try for this if I didn't have the support you've given me. I know this is super dramatic for just trying to make a youtube channel, but making a place where I could just talk about all the nerdy and overly specific things I care about and share them with the world is something I've wanted for my whole life. You guys gave me that with this blog, and if this channel works out, it'll be thanks to you, so you'll have given it to me twice. I don't have the words to express how much I love this community and all the incredible people in it. So even if you can't support, just know that being here for however long you have been, whether it's the whole five years or the last two days, has done more than you'll ever know. You guys are the best, thank you for everything <3