#cuz i dont really have a whole lot of muse for him specifically

[yourflame]

Y'know, there's a lot going for Mephiles in terms of potential than people generally give him credit for

[laulo821]

yea i see!! yea it's fallen kingdom– it's the fallen kingdom quintilogy. tbf it's nostalgic to me too so that's why i'm back on them probably? i mean every few months i rediscover (old) music i listened to a while ago but fell out off just cuz life is cyclic and that was the end of this song's cycle for now!

what got me back into the fallen kingdom quintilogy (and other Minecraft parodies) is the Herobrine hype i've been going through since uuhhhh September? cause there is a modpack (From The Fog) bringing him back in the modern minecraft versions and i'm obsessed. this made me dig up fallen kingdom and realise that recently, the fifth installment of the series was out (rising kingdom) and it's a banger honestly. it just slaps. so ive listened back to the whole series and other parodies. also my friends have launched an SMP this week so i'm more in the minecraft mood than usual too hehe

concerning pikmin. it's a funny one. i dont usually listen to game OSTs either but i like the calm atmospheric songs of pikmin. but also. by picking pikmin i include all the pikmin parodies/covers that people have made lmao. them lil guys singing ... dopamine juice. i'm a big fan of meme songs covers. also it's my current fixation so i gotta consume pikmin content lest i explode

for the rest, well. hazbin hotel. ive watched it. not going on details about the show specifically but the songs be slapping for some (most?) of them. it's got that raw feelings power that i seek out in musics yknow. when you hear the singer (or character here i guess) putting their whole heart in it, them breaking on the notes, elevating it with hope and such... loving sigh. but there's also a few of the hh songs i really don't like cus i just find them. bad? or too awkward in terms of writing/pacing i guess. hot take i don't enjoy make you gone nor best dad in hell

then we got the solo album of Charlie Scene, member (slash leader?) of famous band Hollywood Undead. so it's more in association with my second fav group ever Hollywood Undead that i hung up on it. but also it is part of the cycle i talked about earlier. i discovered his solo album in july last year i believe, fell out if it, thought about it recently and have been binging it again! although i admit it is less good that i remember?

another album that's more in my usual ballpark is the Fall Out Boy's one. i picked the album half randomly i'll be honest (chose it because there's My Songs Know in it i believe? my fav from FOB due to Nostalgia™) so it's more about the whole discography than this album specifically. i've been listening to them recently because i was not in the mood for any other rock band of my usual liking (being Muse, TDG, Hollywood Undead and MCR between others). they just fit my current music mood better i guess!!

and the last one is Ceinture Noire by GIMS. French rap. hell yea brother. again it's back in the cyclic rotation i guess. i like his music, he's got a great timber, good writing for me, sick bars. i prefer his um love songs than his street songs(?) but i can appreciate them too. he's pretty big in France btw but he peaked (thanks to mockery) in 2015 or the like so it may be Nostalgia™ again but i enjoy or dare i say, prefer his more recent music too so maybe not!! funfact he made a song with sia so you can picture how big he is. he also made one with sting

thats for my lineup. i'm very pick and choose tho so i'm listening to a whole lot of other unrelated things while these album play ... like there's a lot of the Crane Wives in my randomly generated playlists too! there's a lot of half•alive, there's some Dionysus (from the Jack and Cuckoo-Clock Heart) in there too... it's really varied i guess. but apparently i'm in a very "witch"like music period according to my playlist but i'm really growing out of it and they're starting to annoy me more than anything. so, my music cycle is shifting again.... who knows what awaits....

good evening! whatcha mean my album lineup is fascinating... id love to tell you more about it but idk why it really is that interesting .... or? surprising? i guess >_>

yeah it is i think! at least to me

tbh mostly its just different from what i have been listening to but the minecraft + pikmin rlly stood out to me at least visually. i dont listen to a lotta video game osts or fansongs/parodies (i recognized fallen kingdom maybe?) anymore so its kinda nostalgic to see yk? i have such strong memories of listening to the katamari damacy ost and drawing like. homestuck fanart. it reminds me of that eheh

and its neato! like im thinkin what got u on those lately. and hazbin. aha

+ the others i didnt recognize at all so i just want to know more about em in general :3

[citialiin]

ZIGGY ✰ STARDUST

i jacked this from @cardinalrot​. thank you dad. tagging: @gothsic​ ; @blossomingbeelzebug​ ; @betelguide​ ; @thatcertainnight​ ; @prophesyed​ ; you, specifically, reading this.

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬

FULL NAME.     [ redacted ] * NICKNAME.     ziggy  GENDER.     agender (he/him or they/them) / typically presents as a “man” for simplicity’s sake and also because he doesn’t care enough to think about it for more than 4 seconds HEIGHT.     5′10″ AGE.     26 (earth years) ZODIAC.     ??? (he wasn’t born under our stars ... so .......) SPOKEN LANGUAGES.     any/all (he doesn’t really know them, though, he uses an internal translator)

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬

HAIR COLOR.     bright red, seemingly unnatural -- but it’s natural EYE COLOR.     left pale blue, right black SKIN TONE.     very, very, very pale BODY TYPE.     skinny. very skinny/slender/svelte.  willowy and tall and bony.  good for looking waifish on magazine covers but bad for lifting even vaguely heavy objects. VOICE.     posh, nasally, low, the slightest bit condescending.  speaks with an english accent despite not being english, let alone human.  drawls his vowels and enunciates his letters.  his voice is strangely clear and bright when he sings, unlike his somewhat unpleasant speaking tone, and he tends to sing in higher pitches than his speaking voice. DOMINANT HAND.     ambidextrous -- but he can only play the guitar left handed POSTURE.     very straight and proper, holds his head high and his shoulders square.  uncertain if it’s height alone or if he really is looking down upon you.   SCARS.     small incision in the back of his neck where the translator was placed. barely there and usually covered by a collar or his hair, anyways. TATTOOS.      none BIRTHMARKS.     a large yellow disc on his forehead, rimmed with a slightly darker yellow/bronze with the slightest hint of a chromatic shift affect due to reflecting/light catching pigment in skin cells.  this isn’t unique to him, however, as every member of his race has it. has the tiniest hint of a freckle above his lip, on the left side, and he hates it and wishes he could nuke it off his face.  both of these are usually covered, anyways. MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S).     the circular mark, his unusual eyes, his sharp features, his bright hair. everything about him is weird and outlandish and strange, but it helps him maintain a striking, marketable image.  

𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝

PLACE OF BIRTH.     far away.  HOMETOWN.    faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away. SIBLINGS.    [ grabs the steering wheel and veers straight into worldbuilding headcanon territory ] the society he comes from is no longer sexually dimorphic and typically doesn’t reproduce the natural way.  having evolved far beyond such icky things, they use genetic samples from large swaths of the population to make consistent batches of new individuals -- the genetic samples are screened for defects and aberrations and sort of tossed together into a genome salad, and out comes however many individuals they need to fill in gaps in the population.  there’s a lot of consistency in his species due to this: everyone has reddish hair, everyone has heterochromia, everyone is about the same height, etc.  so technically, he’s related to everyone in his “batch.” PARENTS.   he wouldn’t ever know -- a lot of people, probably

𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

OCCUPATION.    rockstar -- cultural icon -- celebrity -- musician -- singer -- model -- jerk CURRENT RESIDENCE.    london, LA, NYC, but he’s constantly moving and tours quite often CLOSE FRIENDS.    few and far in between -- he’s friends with his drummer who is named priscilla but usually goes by the stage name WEIRD, as well as siddharth, his bassist, who goes by sid in his personal life but GILLY on stage.  they were the first two humans to encounter him and taught him everything he knows, from how to tie his shoes (aliens wear boots, and you should know this) to the C major scale -- because they are among the few humans who know his secret, he views them as his closest and dearest friends.  his stardom isolates him from them, just a little -- he likes the spotlight but they don’t mind just being “the drummer” and “the bassist.”  they don’t quite have the star power that he does.  his manager  -- tama ahinariki, some guy from new zealand who seemed to bumble his way into becoming in charge of one of the most successful musicians of the decade -- also knows he’s an alien, but they tend to be more business partners than close friends.  tama is more interested in the money side of things whereas priscilla and sid are only interested in the music.  ziggy has stock in the music, money, and his personal brand.  

via rp, he’s made some friends with other characters! a few. very few.  RELATIONSHIP STATUS.    single -- he intends to stay that way.  he gets all the action he could ever need from his legion of devoted fans and groupies.  even in situations where he’s romantically involved and emotionally invested, he would never consider himself exclusive or monogamous.   a lot of tabloids make rumors that he’s involved with cardinal copia, fellow rock icon, but he tends to be sneaky at hiding any time they spent together.  it’s hard to keep things private when you’re both massively popular public figures, though. he goes out of his way to be sure no one knows about his predilection for spending time with thomas, because the last thing an awkward alien in disguise needs is a lot of public attention because people think you’re dating a celebrity (who they don’t know is also an alien). he hangs around annie a lot, too, but this is extra extra under wraps, because annie has a stalker named jonathan who may or may not go apeshit and try to tear his head off or something if he finds out.   FINANCIAL STATUS.    filthy rich. should be guillotined.   DRIVER’S LICENSE.    doesn’t have one. he has some paperwork, somewhere, with a “real” name and all that, but he has no idea where it is and lets his manager deal with that stuff. CRIMINAL RECORD.    none ! clean slate.  that doesn’t mean he doesn’t do illegal things, though.  he just doesn’t get caught.   VICES.    smoking, drinking, la cocaina, sex, impulsive spendng, rockstar stuff.  

𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

SEXUAL ORIENTATION.   bisexual. PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE.     submissive  |  dominant  |  switch  | top |  bottom | verse. this doesn’t really come up in rp because i dont write nsfw. the way i view it is that he’s lazy and would rather you take care of him than the other way around LIBIDO.    pretty high, but it’s difficult for him to have as much sex as he might prefer because, uh, he has, uh, alien..............parts...........and stuff ..... like ....... some parts down there look different ....... so he’s stuck having sex with usually in the dark, under sheets, and he has to zip his pants up really quick afterwards. maybe it’s a little bit hilarious and i just think it’s funny idk LOVE LANGUAGE.    selflessness (which is big, for him, king of all douchebags and lord selfish dickhead the third), rambling to you about his day, physical affection, gifts, letting you see him without make up, opening up to you about his life before earth.  he might play you music, sing to you or write you songs if he’s feeling particularly sappy.  this is stuff reserved for people that he finds himself incredibly romantically/emotionally attached to, though, not the people he has one night stands with.  and he almost never forms any sort of lasting attachment to the people he sleeps with casually. RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES.    he tends to fall for people who challenge him in some way, who aren’t easily beguiled by his status and physical looks, but who aren’t outright mean to him.  that being said, he is very vain, and he loves being showered in compliments, praise or attention.  he matches well with people who can put up with his antics and moodiness and odd behavior.  he likes the idea of being someone’s muse or someone’s idol, so he finds himself drawn to other creative types.  he has the most intimate/special connections with other nonhuman beings, especially other aliens, cuz he feels like they Get him and he wouldn’t be really giving himself in his fullest form if he had to still play pretend that he was a human being.  for whatever reason he goes apeshit for goth guys/dudes with black hair who wear a lot of black.  he really doesn’t like people who are too much like him, because HE’S HIM, and you’re YOU, and he really wants it to stay that way.  GET OUT OF MY DRESSING ROOM

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG.   there’s a whole album about him .......... theres a song called “ziggy stardust” .......  HOBBIES TO PASS TIME.    singing, music, writing -- he lives for that shid.  he likes art in all forms, so he reads, watches movies, looks at paintings -- he has a lot of human culture to catch up on, and he loves all of it, from any time period and any culture.  he also likes buying things, shopping, looking nice, gossip.  he tends to be a party animal (party alien?) and often indulges in more hedonistic fun. LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED.    his brain is not structured like a human brain. also, head empty.  no thoughts. FEARS.    being perceived as ugly or untalented, being outed as an alien, being rejected for being an alien, becoming a nobody, losing his social status, becoming a conformist, becoming “outdated” or “uncool” SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL.    somehow sky high and on the floor at the same time. he usually thinks he can do anything and he’s pretty perfect, but that may just be from a solid few years of repeating that to himself and empty praise given by people who are just crazy obsessed with him -- he built his confidence level on a very shaky foundation, so it’s easy to start making him doubt himself and panic if you know what to criticize him on VULNERABILITIES.    a lot of things, and im sick of typing

* pay me 100000 USD to unlock my LEVEL 20 ZIGGY STARDUST LORE pack now with NAMING/TITLE INFORMATION, HOME PLANET CLIMATE/WEATHER PATTERNS and PAST OCCUPATION/EDUCATION information.  includes a piece of gum i found on the floor.

[andmynewlymeltedheart]

Have a hodge podge of questions cuz I couldn't pick just one haha (but you don't have to answer all of them!): What's your favorite taz balance moment? Amnesty moment? Top 5 ships (from anything!). If you could have any job in the world, what would you do?

Giving you five moments from the Balance arc bc I’m cry I love it so much (they’re not even top 5 they’re just ones I’m thinking about right now I HAVE NO FAVORITES I LOVE IT ALL)

BIG SPOILERS Y’ALL FOR TAZ, VERONICA MARS, A BUNCH O SHIT IDK

5. Barry Returns

STURDY. DENIM. BLUE. FUCK ME RUNNING.

No really tho the first time I heard that I was running on the treadmill and all of my surpressed weird girl energy from when I was 10 and didn’t want to get bullied JUMPED out and I screamed. I also turned up my speed very high.

4. The Lunar Interlude Music

I know it’s not a specific moment but every time it comes on I feel instantly at peace.

3. Taako and Kravitz’s pottery class at the ole Chug and Squeeze

Okay first of all Justin said “Chug and Squeeze” and I nearly pissed myself but like. That. Taako making a vase bc he could give a shit what they want him to make bc HE WILL NOT CHAIN HIS MUSE. The spell charging out of the umbrastaff (MY LOVELY GAL). These two fucking idiots falling in love with each other after like 20 minutes of knowing each other and all of us being like FUCK YEAH THEYRE IN LOVE

2. Barry and Lup’s duet

Their love. The way it builds over a half century. How in tune with each other they are, how much they understand each other and trust each other and challenge each other. And how they stay so PASSIONATELY in love after about fifty years. They are what I hope for some day.

1. Magnus and the Chalice/ Magnus’ Death

Magnus sees Julia after her death twice. The first time, with the chalice, is gut wrenching. This person that our sweet goofy and loveable Magnus loved with more of himself than should have been possible stands before him, just out of reach, and the opportunity to save her presents itself to him. And he doesn’t take it. Because even though his life has been hard without her, she wouldn’t want him to bring her back. And that’s why his ending is so beautiful. Major character deaths are often used to motivate a living character, to take something dear from them, or to cheaply tie up things because a writer doesn’t want to take the time to give the proper ending (ahem VMARS). But Magnus’ death is filled with love and happiness from a long and full life that he never expected to live out. There was a period of time where a lot of his risky behaviors could be called suicidal, and the fact that he not only lives but lives happily is so good. And he passes happily, too. And he’s taken to the love of his life, she’s the first person he sees. And I was crying throughout the whole scene, but as soon as Reeder’s waltz for “Julia” began to play, I was inconsolable. I cried about it on and off for days. I had never had the pleasure of such a beautiful ending for anyone in anything I had ever read, seen, or heard before.

NOTE: in all seriousness the balance arc is one of the most beautiful, gut wrenching, cathartic, and satisfying pieces I’ve ever had the pleasure of hearing. Remembering my first listen through feels like a fond memory with an old friend. Those boys don’t know what they did for me, but Balance helped me when I was in a really bad spot in my life, worse than right now. Maybe Balance is what I could use again. I don’t know.

AMNESTY

3. “I love you all dearly, very much, as my family. I would bury a bowie knife in any of your chests to eat French Onion soup this exact second.” FUCKEN SAME JUSTIN

2. Duck the Mundane

DUCK BECOMJGN THE MUNDANE AND JUST HAVING ONE MULTIMONTH PANIC ATTACK WAS SUCH A BIG FUCKEN MOOD FUCK ME

1. Ned’s secret

The fact that his secret that he kept from Aubrey destroyed him and redeemed him. That’s such a testament to how Clint played Ned’s character. It’s such a nuanced situation. Ned wants Aubrey’s trust so badly. He realizes he has it. And then he realizes how quickly he’s losing it because it’s all build on the faulty foundation of a massive secret about what happened to Aubrey’s mother. And that when Aubrey tells him to leave, he only stays a little longer to save everyone else. And he has his moment of redemption in the heroism of his biggest sacrifice. And he sees the stars...and they’re beautiful. And he’s at peace in some way.

That’s why his death felt meaningful.

5. Veronica and Logan, Veronica Mars

I am sad and angry right now and am pretending season 4 ended 5 minutes before it actually did

4. Elizabeth and Darcy, Pride & Prejudice

I know it’s a ship from a book that is hundreds of years old do you THINK I CARE no they’re everything

3. Natasha Rostova And Pierre Bezukhov, War & Peace

Again I KNOW OLD BOOK DONT YELL AT ME they’re just VERY GOOD TOGETHER

2. Juliet Ashton and Dawsey Adams, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

Two lonely people who have been through some SHIT quietly find love and a home in each other? Hell YEAH (also the book is a billion times better than the movie)

1. Barry and Lup

Gonna probs restate some shit from earlier BUT

Goodness me the quiet but palpable build of their love. How they respect each other. How they make each other laugh. How they understand each other. How they trust each other. How they CHALLENGE each other. And then with all of that they remain desperately in love, no matter how much time has passed. Their story is everything I dream of. I love them.

If I could have a dream job, I’m sure it sounds silly and cliche but I’ve just so badly, and for so long wanted to be a musical theatre actress. But I don’t know that I’m good enough or pretty enough or whatever. I feel very lost re: my career right now.

[jakeperalta]

Omg I love your romantic lyrics gifsets for all of the albums! Great choices..but I'm wondering why you chose that specific lyric in The Lakes. I look at reddit posts on this topic and that specific lyric comes up a lot too. Personally I think the lyric I'm setting off but not without my muse, no not without you is more romantic and shows more love in a more permanent way..kinda like can I go where you go. Its like I dont need anyone else but you and I'll be wherever you are forever..especially if they are going away from everyone. But the lyric I haven't moved in years..I want you right here..was always more about herself and her growth to me, not her love specifically. I get that it means she still wanted him right there in the bad times or he really helped her a lot during that time though too..which can be romantic too but it just always seems more about her I guess. I'm just wondering cuz other people have pointed out that specific lyric too..but I just prefer the chorus overall..I dont belong my beloved and neither do you..in a romantic sense. Even the chorus mentions how she wants to cry but he makes it better cuz shes with him which has the same point as your other lyric. Also even take me to the Lakes where all the poets went to die also reflects this..it means the idea that she will actually die with him..together foreever..or even without him..possibly after he is gone too. Sorry I'm not against your choice either..I love every lyric in this song so much and it's one of my favorite songs ever. I explained my reasons and just want to know yours too and dont mean it to come off in a certain way.

thank you! I was quite torn with what lyric to pick because the whole song is so full of really beautiful lyrics and I definitely agree with the ones you mentioned being romantic too. I went for that one because I remember listening to it for the first time and hearing the "I want you right here" and being like "aw 🥺🥺" and I think it just gives a nice image of sitting together just enjoying each other's company forever!

[voidwizerd-archive]

BONDING EXPERIENCES?? ==>

[[ logs with @carnivalsorphans​, our muses keep bonding in very confusing ways, what the fuck are these two ]]

voidwizerd okay first off please dont bring this up w Kankri bc th last thing i can handle rn is anythin resemblin a moral talk im too pissed

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd do you ever like get a super specific urge to just beat a body senseless does this happen to you

carnivalsorphans often enough that the thought some people don't kinda baffles

voidwizerd i cant get at who i wanna get at theyre all universes away n maybe DEAD which sure would be fuckin convenient fr them huh i just

carnivalsorphans hahaha yeah fuckin relatable

voidwizerd wanna find some shitty person n whale on em until theyre only sorta recognizable

carnivalsorphans hmmm

voidwizerd teeth aint that necessary anyhow ugh

carnivalsorphans hahahaha do you actually want me ta find ya someone shitty ta fuck up or we just talkin hypotheticals and feelings?

voidwizerd i honestly dont even know i just wanted to confirm someone else experiences this too

voidwizerd i figured if anyone does itd be you

carnivalsorphans aight, just feelings yeah, you bet sib a lot. and it's hard. just kinda.... keepin that real tight inside it winds ya up a bit warps you and makes ya feel all weird til ya can do somethin ta make it stop i used ta bleed myself and then paint with it, but wicked said that's bad, so i'm tryinna figure somethin else out

carnivalsorphans i felt that way bout anyone i actually give a fuck about, where any time they talk on their old shit it just makes me tense up and start this fuckin rumble

carnivalsorphans usually stop it afore it gets loud though kankri says he don't feel that way at all, but i bet there's somethin that'd wind him up that bad somethin for everyone that just makes em wanna beat someone bloody

voidwizerd yeah it just its like wrappin your insides up tighter n tighter n tighter n it feels like itll rip n spill everythin out

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd so fuck, if its gonna tear eventually why not choose myself how that happens???

carnivalsorphans yeah and i'd think at least no one was gettin hurt but me and i like pain anyhow

carnivalsorphans and it spills out nice and slow and i get somethin pretty at the end of it but ... ya gotta pick ya poison, sometimes

voidwizerd i guess i did that last one kinda fr different reasons n a bit more extreme but ha ha ........i fuckin hate copin

carnivalsorphans yeah, it's hard i got a lot ta cope with

carnivalsorphans used ta think i was better than addiction, but i ... dunno. feel like an addict sometimes. wicked says i might be one, even. instead of the bottom of a bottle, i just got my claws

voidwizerd just bout anythin can be addicted to i used to run until my body gave out only way my mind would go quiet i miss th quiet

carnivalsorphans .... yeah

voidwizerd but Kankri would worry

carnivalsorphans fuck havin connections ta people hahaha

voidwizerd right its terrible but also i wouldnt know what happy is like either

carnivalsorphans .... yeah

voidwizerd th loneliness was killin me ha like literally lmaooooo

carnivalsorphans yeah i can feel that

voidwizerd well no okay technically i was doin that my own damn self

carnivalsorphans you wouldn't think, surrounded by church who loves me

carnivalsorphans but ya know. lonely at the top

voidwizerd fuckin pussy i was broke in less than two sweeps. whoop whoop yeah yeah i bet lonely is terrible, fuck that shit

carnivalsorphans used ta be worse but used ta be, i didn't care .... way way fuckin back when saw people bein all close to eachother and it seemed like a waste a fuckin time and energy and like they was a bit away from stabbin eachother in the back

carnivalsorphans .... fuckin ignorance was bliss

voidwizerd ha wouldnt it be so much easier just to not

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd not need that not fuckin CLING to affection like a goddamn lifeline bc its either that n bein treated like garbage or bein treated like nothin at all

carnivalsorphans yeah, fuck that

voidwizerd hurt or isolation take your pick trick question they both hurt and they both make you feel isolated

carnivalsorphans yeah hahahahaha

carnivalsorphans rather have real hurt though. makes shit hard ta focus on .... sometimes, at least

voidwizerd mmn

carnivalsorphans > Try not to think of Artemi. > Try /really hard/

voidwizerd do i like pain fr kinky reasons or do i like it bc i just want someone to beat me to shit

carnivalsorphans hahahahaha

voidwizerd these are th questions

carnivalsorphans just assume it's a little a both

carnivalsorphans nothin's ever so black and white sometimes a lil more of one, sometimes a lil more of another

voidwizerd fuckin

carnivalsorphans and sometimes it fades away so much ya almost forget it's there

voidwizerd hate that shit

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd wish it could be simple shouldnt knowin yourself be simple but nah

carnivalsorphans hahahahaha

voidwizerd other ppl know me better than me

carnivalsorphans depends on how fuckin much you want to know

voidwizerd aint that just th fuckin way

carnivalsorphans i've tried real hard not ta let anyone know me fuckin hate bein /known/ bein... able ta pin down predict

voidwizerd sure is a thing its scary

voidwizerd scarier than anythin

carnivalsorphans .... yeah and not just cuz i'm scared for my church not just cuz i'm scared a how people will take it just... 's

voidwizerd if i didnt trust Kankri so much id prolly just. go outta my fuckin mind of terror. ha

carnivalsorphans yeah every time me and wicked have a real talk, i get a bit.... tense. all tensed up for him ta fuckin recoil or use shit against me or probably ain't the best way ta feel with ya rail, but

voidwizerd no i i get that fuck dude i literally couldnt tell you how often Jane n Dirk did that to me but my stupid ass kept confidin in em anyway

carnivalsorphans hahaha i never risked it sometimes i'd tell shit to people i was

voidwizerd only reason i didnt confide w Jake at all was cause he never paid attention to anythin that wasnt bout him

carnivalsorphans hurtin. i ain't ever had enough trust in fuckers to do that sorta shit too often

voidwizerd shit dude if ur only confidantes are th ppl ur torturin you just might need to get out more

carnivalsorphans hahahahaha yeah

carnivalsorphans i kinda went a bit nuts after i fell got better though

voidwizerd good on you shoulder pat for success

carnivalsorphans there's a lotta things i miss bout that time. probably more than i should. one more addiction ta add onto the pile

voidwizerd ha careful dude dont wanna be breakin records here

carnivalsorphans hahahaha i've lived a long time, i set all the records

voidwizerd my point is to get better rather than worse knucklehead though ha tbh this is one of those lights i doubt thats really a possible thing

carnivalsorphans hahaha how bout we just try for not gettin worse tolight? wanna come over? for the sake a not bein alone

voidwizerd i .....yeah thanks

carnivalsorphans fuck knows i ain't gonna be good for bein alone tonight neither. .... but i don't really wanna worry wicked over me bein all whatever i am right now

voidwizerd "whatever" is a good word fr feelins tonight "whatever" with a side of "sad n violent"

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd apparently not a regular or good thing to feel .. is it bad fr me to be so relieved you get this way too

carnivalsorphans naw 's normal ta feel relieved that ya ain't alone in ya experiences

carnivalsorphans fuck, that's sorta why i hang around sugary and vel and wicked

voidwizerd oh huh i guess i like. well i didnt even know i was angry until well

carnivalsorphans until you was burnin

voidwizerd yeah

carnivalsorphans i think vel sorta gets like that

voidwizerd i guess i been mad a long time but

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd long as i ignored it things never happened

carnivalsorphans people tend ta forget angry is somethin they is allowed ta be

voidwizerd until that naggin suspicion got confirmed, that i was treated no better than shit on someones heel, n i just welp there goes th neighborhood

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd anger is its big

carnivalsorphans anger is born out of sorrow a lot sorrow at fuckin... lack at bein wronged

voidwizerd .....yeah

carnivalsorphans at missed opportunities and bein taken advantage of

voidwizerd at at knowin i did nothin to get hurt n did *everythin* to win approval thats just

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd seventeen goddamn years of waste right there

carnivalsorphans yeah sweeps of lack of what ya deserved

voidwizerd i didnt deserve that

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd *they* deserved my goddamn fists i wish id fought back

carnivalsorphans it's aight to be angry bout that shit. people always say it's aight to mourn, but sometimes mournin involves gettin fuckin pissed

voidwizerd i wish id listened to my instincts

carnivalsorphans you did what ya knew ta do and that's... somethin

carnivalsorphans may not always feel good

voidwizerd i loved em too much was th problem id let anythin slide cause they was my whole world

carnivalsorphans ain't nothin wrong with lovin maybe a bit wrong with bein blinded by it, but there ain't nothin to be done about that except learn from it

voidwizerd yeah took

carnivalsorphans and fuckin... bein tempered hurts, but it does make ya stronger

voidwizerd fuckin 21 years but i learned

carnivalsorphans .... cmere?

voidwizerd yeah

voidwizerd yeah ill be there

carnivalsorphans > Probably help to send coords. > And then time to snug a friend

voidwizerd > Friend will cry and rant a lot but appreciate much. > Mostly cry.

carnivalsorphans > Pet the friend. Kiss their head and wipe away tears sometimes and comfort and offer inappropriate jokes when tears seem to be letting up.

voidwizerd > Jokes get a smile and then even more crying because what the fuck is an appropriate response to people caring about them.

carnivalsorphans > More kisses because how do you deal with people crying Normally anyway?

voidwizerd > Kisses back a little because that seems to help and not kissing back was starting to feel Weird.

carnivalsorphans > Prr? Wipe away tears, focus more on wiz than your own shit.

voidwizerd > Pr... Still feeling terrible, and thinking about bad gunk, but at least not alone. And good to be with someone who kinda gets it. "We're sorta fucked up huh."

carnivalsorphans "Yeah. But we make it work."

voidwizerd "Fuck dude we sure do. By the skin of our fuckin teeth but we're doin it."

carnivalsorphans "I think we're doin better than some people."

voidwizerd "That's optimistic." > Weak laugh.

carnivalsorphans "Naw, we ain't still stuck in our old shit. I think that's better off. Some people never get that far."

voidwizerd "...That's true." > Snuggle up more after decaptchaing more blankets. Feeling more vulnerable to Ringleader's chilliness.

carnivalsorphans > Oh, good. A layer between you and the warmth. ... Give the bundled wiz a squish. "There's somethin to be said for bein proud of how far we've come, at least. Even if we ain't where we wanna be yet." > .... Where does he want to be though?

voidwizerd "Where we even tryin to get to, though?" > Squish is good. Quiet purr.

carnivalsorphans > A snort. "Ya know, I was thinkin the exact same thing." > Loud purring.

voidwizerd "Don't that just figure. Tolight we're real fulla questions that don't got proper answers, huh."

carnivalsorphans "I dunno that we gotta know where we're goin ta be glad we're not where we were."

voidwizerd > Now you snort. "That's some deep shit."

carnivalsorphans "That's me. Deep as fuck. ya know my real secret now.

voidwizerd "I'm honored!" > Quiet laugh. Moody staring at nothing for a while. "Think I'm done cryin now. Got that hollow sense settlin in nice an blegh.”

carnivalsorphans “Yeah, fuck that. I only appreciate that shit when i’m needin to think after bein pissed. And even then, it ain’t the same as true calm.”

voidwizerd "Mmh. Better than feelin I'm about to like... break into a million billion pieces. Like takin a sledgehammer to a window. Ha." > Blink slow. Slower. You're not moving so much.

carnivalsorphans > Squish. You ain't their rail, it's not your responsibility to make sure they're all... In tact. .... But still, you're a bit concerned. A tiny bit. "Anythin I can be doin ta help?"

voidwizerd "'unno. Feelin's gone for now." > Whoops, that there is a yawn. You rub your face, trying to stay awake. "What about you?"

carnivalsorphans "Feel.... Warm." Soft purring. "Probably about time ta pass out."

voidwizerd "Mmh." Sprawl out a bit. "Thanks for bein my comrade in shittiness."

carnivalsorphans "Misery demands company and all that. Plus i like hangin around you."

voidwizerd "Gay."

carnivalsorphans "Yeah." Forehead kiss.

voidwizerd > Mumble a barely comprehensible "suuuuper gay" before nodding off. > RL's a good friend.

carnivalsorphans > Pet Wiz a little longer before going to sleep yourself.