#cuz I know you love banh mi

[simp4ace]

homeland ~ Rayleigh x gn!reader

a/n: Happy Holiday!!! This is my surprise present for my most favorite writer here on Tumblr @childofblackmaria ❤❤❤ You are my first friend and also the first one who inspired me into writing🥺 I always look up to you and I love you with my whole heart<3 Because aaa, who doesn't love Lale, tbh? You're always the kindest, sweetest, and the most caring to us all🥰 I'm so glad that our path crossed here, and I'm so glad I could call myself your friend<3 You said you didn't need any gift but this is what my heart asked for so please accept it🥺💖 I just want to say thank you for being there for me through thick and thin, and even though we don't talk much, you are still my greatest friend🤩 aaa also I end up writing this too long idk I don't have time to ask for anyone to edit it for me so it may have lots of grammar mistake...😭😭😭 but I also want to post it so you can wake up to it so hjdvbfd. I just hope you will enjoy it😞

The turkey got burned.

The turkey got burned.

You look at it, horrified. What have you done, oh no?

It is late afternoon, and you are preparing a surprise party for Christmas Eve. You want to make everything perfect and fancy, for not only it is such a holy night, but also the night when you first met the love of your life – Rayleigh. However, now you aren't sure if you could make it on time, and that is all thanks to the burning turkey. You must have set the wrong timer, a trivial mistake you never made; perhaps works and deadlines had drained you and messed things up. Tears are burning in the eyes as you throw yourself into the nearby chair, burying your face in the palm of your hand. What are you going to do now? What is Rayleigh going to say?

Thinking about Rayleigh, the memory floods back to you all of a sudden. Outside, the sun slowly disappears under the horizon, and darkness begins to pour in from the window, coloring the kitchen in the pale black of a winter eventide.

The night that two of you met is also a messed-up night like this...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a snow-free night, a little unusual compared to other Christmas Eve. Nonetheless, you wished it could have snowed a little bit, so you could feel like the main character in the novel, running away from your problems at nightfall, with snowflakes falling on you, dried away the tears streaming down your face. But of course, life was never going the way you want, you thought bitterly to yourself as you sat on the bench in the park, staring blankly at the gray night sky above. The moonlight shone dimly through the foliage, and from afar, you could hear people cheering and celebrating Christmas. As if you were the only one left in the world at that moment, left alone in your sorrow and dismal. The idea made you shiver a bit.

Lots of things had happened. Mostly family stuff. Because apparently, the one who was closest to you was also the one who hurt you the most. Your family thought they were thinking for your sake, yet never put themselves in your shoes and ended up breaking your very heart under the name of love. That was why Christmas Eve had never been a comfortable event for you, even though you did love them lots. You did! But this year, being overwhelmed by the sadness within your heart (it kept growing bigger and bigger), you chose to run away. No one would ever find you here; you knew that. However, there was something in you that still wanted to be found.

To be seen, and to be listened to.

"Oooooooh, whatcha have here. A lost lamb, huhhhhh?" A slurred voice came from the right made you jolt. You turned around to two fat and drunken men staggering toward you, vulgar smiles drew on their faces, and through those murky looks, you knew right away that they didn't mean any good intention.

"Easy man, don't yer see they are lonely now yer jerk. Don't scare 'em. We gotta be gentleeee!" another man giggled at his friend. His watch drifted over your body lustfully.

You stood right up in defense.

"Get lost!" You hissed, eyeing them with a stern and warning gaze.

The two men seemed pissed off with your behavior. Their faces turned red, which - you noted - just made them uglier and more hateable, and they changed their tone immediately.

"Look at 'em, Allen. We're tryin' to be nice, and look how they treat us." The first guy snorted; fury danced in his bleary eyes.

"I know, Bob. We have to punish them and teach them manners," Allen replied his friend, and both of them approached you menacingly.

Panicking, you could feel the heart pound like crazy in your chest, and cold sweat started to perspire on your palms. You tried to shout but desperately realized how shaky your voice was.

"S-stay back! Or I'll yell. My b-boyfriend is coming, and he will kill both of you. Stay back!"

"Yer little liar," Bob smirked, reaching his hand out to grab yours, making you scream in pain and disgust, "Yer know no one will come for yer."

His words were like a sharp knife stabbing your open wound. For a moment, you thought you were going to collapse and give in when suddenly, a cold yet reliable voice spoke up from behind you.

"What do you think you are doing to my lover, cruds?"

You turned around, and for a split second, your heart calmed, knowing that you would be safe now, seeing a man standing still in the dim moonlight. You didn't know who he was, but somehow you felt like crying, and your soul sobbed as if it had found something long lost.

The new man appeared to be middle-aged, with silver hair flowing over his shoulders and slight wrinkles in his tanned skin. He had a long scar over his right eye, but you didn't find that scary; on the contrary, it just made him more unusually attractive.

"Who are yer?" Allen shouted angrily, thinking how everything was going well before getting interrupted by a stranger.

"Haven't I had stated it already?" The man said sarcastically, "They are my lover. Now get your filthy hand off of them before I get angry."

Allen and Bob couldn't explain the sudden shiver running through their spine when they heard the man's voice, and Bod unconsciously let go of you as his hand started to tremble nonstop. You took no time rushing toward the silver-haired man and dissembling yourself behind him, clutching his silver robe as if it was a lifebuoy.

"Fuck!" The two men were filled with rage. They wanted to catch you back, but the stranger's gaze somehow pinned them in place, making them unable to move. Cold sweat began to trickle down their backs, and they got goosebumps at the invisible pressure in front of them.

"Leave now." The silver-haired man pressed each word softly, but to them, it was like thunder. Scared, they turned and ran for their lives.

You watched in awe as those bad guys ran far away. They stood no chance before this man, even though he hadn't even done anything. It must be the strange aura around him, an intimidated and dangerous feeling that could scare anyone out. However, you felt absolutely at peace next to him, which was strange because you just met him not long ago.

"Thank you." You said shyly, releasing your hand from his robe as if you had only realized how close you two were just now.

"It's my pleasure." The man smiled gently at you, making your heart skip a beat or two. You could feel the heat start rising on your cheeks, so you had to look down to hide the blush, pretending like you just found your shoes very entertaining.

"You shouldn't be outside this late." Your savior continued, "Don't you have any Christmas party to join? People are celebrating out there. I must have passed a dozen feasts and parties on my way here."

Your heart sank again, finally remembered how you were here in the first place. You pursed your lips, trying hard not to cry because somehow, that soft voice of his had made the wall around your heart melt. He was just a stranger - you reminded yourself.

The man seemed to realize the blue in your expression. Hesitating for a heartbeat, he gently pated your head as if he was comforting a sulky child.

"I'm sorry," He whispered, "You don't have to say if you don't want to. But it is dangerous staying out at this hour. I can walk you home if you want."

And that was when you broke down. Maybe his little gesture finally had pulled the last barrier in your soul, or maybe, the fact he was a stranger made it easier to open up. Tears started streaming down your face like never-ending waterfalls.

"I-I don't want to go home. A-and I don't have any p-party to join because my friends have forgotten me. I-I have no place to go."

The silver-haired took aback by your sudden emotion, but it was just for a second. He knew what to do right away, pulling you into a kind hug and patting your head gently.

"There, there."

He has the smell of the earth, and fresh breezes at the sea, you thought when you quietly took in his scent, resting your head against the chest of a stranger at night out of nowhere. And mixed with that scent was the faint smell of boozes, which made you a bit dizzy, as if you had drunken in it. His arms around your shoulder felt warm as ever; you've never felt this warmness for a long time.

The two of you stood like that as time passed. You didn't know how long it was. You just kept crying, crying as if something had unlocked inside of you. You cried away all the sadness, all the anger that accumulated in your heart, while the man just stayed silently hugging you, gently brushing your hair, or rubbing your back every time you hiccup from sobbing too much. Oh, how gentle, how peaceful. You finally feel like you've been heard and seen. Like you have been found.

After a while, you finally could stop yourself from bawling your eyes out. Clumsily, you pulled away from his embrace; your eyes were red from crying too much, and you were pretty sure that you looked like a mess right now.

"I'm s-sorry." You stammered, trying not to look him in the eyes.

"It's all good." He said, didn't mind at all, even though you could see a large patch of his robe was soaked in water, which made you even more embarrassed.

There was a moment of silence before the man suddenly spoke up, and you were too surprised to say anything.

"You said you don't have anywhere to go. Why not come to my place tonight? I can't promise a big party, but I do have some good stuff."

Your eyes widened, and your jaw dropped. Normally, you would never agree with that kind of invitation, especially from a stranger who you had just met for not long. But tonight was Christmas Eve, the night of magic and hope. Therefore, you found yourself replied.

"What kind of good stuff?"

A small grin appeared on his face.

"Booze and bread. How does that sound?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You chuckle to yourself as you recall the memory. Booze and bread? Seriously? That's not a typical combination you would expect for a Christmas party! However, you still agreed to come to his place that night and had ended up living here ever since. Rayleigh has turned from a stranger to a good friend. Then, to a lover, and now, to your whole world. Oh, Christmas Eve really is a magical night, isn't it? Everything good happens on this holy night.

Or not, you think, looking back at your burning turkey, sighing dramatically. Remembering the past soothes your heart a bit (in other words, the thought of Rayleigh calms you down), and now you are calm enough to think of another backup option for tonight. But you don't have the chance to do anything as now Rayleigh's voice is already coming from the front door. Hurry, you run out of the kitchen to stop him in the hallway.

"The dinner is not ready yet!" You say quickly, and Rayleigh raises an eyebrow slightly at your haste.

He still hasn't changed a bit since that night, even though years have passed. Just like fine wine, this man just gets better with age.

"What happened, y/n?" His voice is still as gentle as ever and still gives you those butterflies just like day one.

"I-I burn the turkey." You admit, face burning red, "I'm sorry, I mess things up."

To your surprise, Rayleigh just let out a small "oh" with a mysterious smile.

"W-what? You don't get...mad? We have nothing to eat tonight."

Rayleigh hums, grabbing your hand and pulling you close to a warm embrace.

"It's alright, darling. Luckily, I have bought something on my way back home."

"Oh?"

"Yes. It's our traditional meal for Christmas. Can you guess what it is?"

You burst into laughter, and Rayleigh takes in how beautiful and sparkling it is.

"Don't you mean booze and bread?" You ask, still tittering.

"You like it?" He grins.

You sigh, ah, yes, it's such a silly option for Christmas; however, you still love it unconditionally. Just as much you love the man in front, even the silliest thing seems romantic with him.

"Yes. I like it. Thank you." You whisper, cupping his face to pull him into a kiss. And the moment your lips meet each other, you realize that, no, there's something that has changed.

It is his redolence. Now, Rayleigh's scent is just like...family, and when you two kiss, it makes you feel at peace, and at home. He is your homeland. When you are with him, you know you'll never be alone again.

"Welcome home, baby. I love you."

[walkinsauce]

Christina Walkinshaw’s Health & Wellmess Blog- Chapter 1: Veganuary

Well, I’m 40 now. I guess I have to start caring about my body. For the most part of my life, I have not cared about the following:

Mani’s/Pedi’s

Shaving/Waxing 

Showering

Opening mail

Scented candles

Detox/Cleanses

Back up hard drives

Fashion/style

Oil changes

Flossing

Eyeliners over $4

Waze

Diets

Oh but I do recycle.

Do you know I’ve never lost weight in my life? My weight has been on a slow and steady incline in one direction my whole life- like the yodeler on “The Price is Right.” Up, up and away, like that sweet 5th Dimension song you’re probably too young to know. But now, as I enter a new decade of my life, I know for sure my metabolism is on it’s downward spiral. For the most part, I feel good. I’ve never been one of those super skinny chicks. The sick part is, I look back on photos of me when i was 40 pounds lighter and know I never even felt skinny back then, when I truly was. Weight and self-image can be a fucked up thing. Especially when you live in a town like this. (L.A., obviously. To be fair, I felt fat when I lived in Ottawa too.)

I’m not necessary trying to lose weight this year, I’m just trying to stop from gaining it. This is more of a preventative thing. I don’t even know how I’d track a weight loss blog. I don’t actually own a scale. When I was in my 20′s I lived with girls who owned that scale that said THINNER across the top of it and I’m still scarred. Who the fuck put that scale on the market? Cruel. The only place I consistently weigh myself is on Fremont Street in Vegas, at the Heart Attack Grill. (Hot tip: If you’re over 350lbs you eat for free!) The last I checked, I was 165lbs. 

When people think of me, they think “happy hour” and not “personal trainer.” I’m not anybody’s “health & wellness” coach, that’s for sure. That being said, if I’m going to try to fix myself, I’m happy to take any delinquents like me along for the ride. Why are there no diets for people who drink and smoke marijuana? Seems a little rude if you ask me. My favourite gift is a bottle opener. I recently joined a wine club. I’m only JUST getting into Prosecco. I like beer, okay? (That line has been tarnished, I know.)

But every January, as the clock nears midnight on Dec. 31st, I get this overwhelming feeling that this year is going to be different. This year I’m going to be my personal best. I fantasize about changing for the better, and yet every February I’m right back to being the same IPA fart machine I’ve always been. This. Year. I. Will. Be. Better.

So I’ve started with…

Veganism. 

Yup. There’s a whole thing right now called #Veganuary, and I’ve jumped on board. I’ve read a lot of Vegan propaganda in the past ten years. Eating Animals, Skinny Bitch, The Lean- they all have good points. I’ve tried being a vegan twice in my life. (The second time I referred to myself as a “stay at home vegan,” meaning I was only a vegan at home. I couldn’t deal with the social ramifications of being a picky eater.) Both times, I came back to my usual carny diet of chicken wings and first and foremost, cheese. Let’s see how I do this time…

I warned people at the end of December I was going to try a “plant based diet” for January. Somehow saying “plant based” seemed less jarring than “vegan.” Well, seems like nobody believed me.

I came home New Year’s Eve after my show (so technically it was January, but do we have to be nit-picky?) and decided I couldn’t let the last of the delicious Canadian Mastro’s Hot Calabrese go to waste. Or the blue cheese. Both cured meats and blue cheese are so much better in Canada. Plus I had a little wine after my show, and it would be detrimental to my health if I didn’t eat before bed, cuz everyone knows eating before bed stops you from getting hangovers.*  

Plus, how am I supposed to become a vegan when there’s still salami lying around the house? Do sex addicts let their last condoms go to waste before they go to sex rehab or wherever? I highly doubt it.

I wake up, January 1st, feeling fresh thanks to my 2am lite supper. I’m ready for Veganism! Me, my parents, cousin and cousin’s daughter meet at the Cactus Club in Vancouver (k-Burnaby, but close enough) and I am excited to find all the V’s on the menu. I order the Crispy Tofu Bowl, with NO radish. (When I was in Kindergarten we had a vegetable garden and it made me barf my first ever ingested radish. I’m still not over it.) 

I gotta say, it was delicious. I poured hot sauce over the whole thing obviously. My cousin is a vegetarian, but she has a side of fries, edamame and a Bellini. (So you know we’re related.) My meal is delish, and doesn't make me feel overly full like last week's lasagne did. Perhaps it's the tofu, or perhaps it's the Canadian portion. 

I’m still making my holiday rounds in the mother country, so afterwards we hit up Grandma’s house. (I have a very busy social schedule, as you can tell.) I check Grandma’s Danish cookies in the round blue tin to see if they’re vegan. They have those controversial “MAY CONTAIN” ingredients which are really stressing me out. I eat one pretzel shaped cookie and call it quits. 

Then off to my sister’s, for dinner. We’re supposed to order in, and I pray they don’t order without me, but of course they did. Pizza Hut. Four pizzas, all with cheese. To be fair, I don’t think anybody actually thought I’d stick to a diet. I never have. And I never turn down pizza, I just pick off the mushrooms. I decide to double down and order Thai. I love Thai food- coconut curries will literally get me through Veganuary. I know it.

Oh god is blogging about food boring? I was probs more exciting when I was blogging about my Tinder dates, but at least the food won’t get mad at me for blogging about it. (Except the maybe the mushrooms.)

I fly back to L.A. the next day. I know L.A. will be easy to pull of Veganuary. This place is full of picky diets. At the Vancouver airport I hit the Banh Mi place, which seems like the only vegan friendly joint past security. Of course they’re out of tofu. January! Fuck. Should I give up now? I can’t starve. And I can’t get drunk without eating lunch first and who can get on an airplane without a glass of wine?

Luckily I like to get to the airport 82 hours early, so I decide to wait for them to make more tofu. That’s right- I’m really doing this. Twenty-five minutes later I have my tofu Banh Mi (with hot sauce.)

I couldn’t be happier when I get home to my cute new L.A. pad. I open my fridge and of course, there’s not much in there after being away for two weeks. And you know what’s staring me right in the eye…

That’s right. My old pal, Trader Joe’s Calabrese salami. 

Shit. That stuff lasts forever. (That should scare me.)

I close the fridge, and slowly give it thought…

“Well, I shouldn’t waste food. I could be a vegan starting January 3rd. No one’s watching me. I’m not even THAT out of shape…”

But then something miraculous happens. A thought so exciting it overpowers any craving for food.

“OMG my VIBRATOR! I haven’t jilled off in weeks!”

I def don’t take it home for the holidays, ya pervs. I get in my pajamas, crawl into bed and satisfy myself sans le food. Straight to single girl dessert. I don’t need salami after all.

And just like that, I wake up the next morning, still a vegan.

xoxo with fruits and veggies, your new vegan (for now)

walkinsauce

p.s. Not sure I can give up cheese forever. If I fall off this diet, I’ll just try another. I hear there’s more than one...

* None of my “theories” on health and diets are proven or approved by doctors. This is just me, and what I think I’ve figured out about my body specifically.