#cumcumber

[popcorncoy0te]

this is the most cucumber that has ever cucumbered.

[iminaworldofpureimagination]

this singer has a lovely voice

[levbolton]

Tumblr didn't die when porn was banned or when we stopped reblogging stuff. No. Tumblr died when we stopped making such edits

[spacedustmantis]

mantis i just realised my tag for you no longer works with your names. pain and suffering. you will always be coathanger to me </3

i am still coathanger i promise. i still go by coda and all the other names i just have a preference and it was easiest to just. cut down on names. so you're all good no worries :3

[martyschoenleber]

A Fable Like a Parable: The Tale of the Cucumber

Tuesday is for Parables The Lesson of the Cucumber Tuesday is for Parables The Lesson of the Cucumber Once upon a time there was a cucumber growing big and fat in a cucumber patch. It’s life, such as it was, was short, but in the sun it thrived. Soaking in the sun’s rays and drawing up water from the ground, the cucumber was “satisfied” to be exactly what it was created to be. One day, the…

[greentrickster]

SVSSS AU set post-canon, the peak lords are having a meeting, business as usual, right up until a heavenly official manifests smack dab in the middle of it. Said official takes one look around, spots Shang Qinghua, and basically falls into a perfect kowtow in front of him while being a level of distraughtly sticky that would make Luo Binghe proud.

"Your excellency, we know you wanted to oversee this section of history, we know it's your holiday, but we need you back, please, no one can figure out your filing system-!!!"

There is an absolutely reasonable amount of pandemonium from ten of the remaining peak lords, Shen Yuan is feigning indifference while also paying razor-edged attention because 'dammit, Airplane, what did you do now', and Shang Qinghua is desperately trying to figure out how to get this god to stop crying and hugging his ankles while babbling about paperwork. Once everyone has calmed down enough, it's revealed that Shang Qinghua, on top of being Shang Qinghua, really is the creator-god of this world and his current human incarnation is the equivalent of a sabbatical to watch some really interesting current events.

Now, the thing is? Airplane is still very much Airplane, all that's true. The part where it gets complicated is that he really is also this world's creator-god, divine powers and all, and he arrived much earlier than the 40+ years ago he thought he had. He has, in fact, been here for most of the world's history, managing the logistics of things to keep them running relatively smoothly the whole time. Except then he realized, "Hey, we're getting close to the era of the Plot, I wanna see that and maybe fix it some!" So he sealed his own memories from between his death and his arrival in this world and incarnated himself as Shang Qinghua specifically so he'd get a chance to meet his favorite character.

The real kicker is, the System? Yeah, there's a reason it has such a modern-tech interface and sounds so Google translate and stuff.

Because Airplane made that, too. Primarily because, while it's been awhile and he doesn't fully remember how he was as a human, he does remember his tendencies to try and wriggle out of stuff, and even now he prefers a comfy life with a not unreasonable amount of delegation, so he decided to give himself a little something to keep himself on-task.

He did not mean to make the damn thing so mean, that was an oops on his part.

While Airplane is reeling with all the headache that is gaining a few thousand extra years of memories while still remaining primarily himself, one of the peak lords asks if the official is certain they have the right person.

They get a derisive sneer for their efforts. "Of course it's his excellency, you think a normal man could run the logistics for a great sect, the Northern realm, and a portion of the Demon Emperor's court, even without having a writing career and social life on the side? Besides, he's the only one we've found who takes notes in his excellency's secret language." And they point dramatically to where Airplane's scribbled some pinyin in the margins of his paperwork.

Airplane can feel Cumcumber-bro's judgement from across the room. On the plus side, his memories of being a god included how to power down the System, so that's something at least, right?

Right?

...

...he needs to go stick his face in his king's chest and cry for a little, he can just feel his workload increasing...

[reulaux]

Shen Yuan avoids System's penalty by jumping into the Endless Abyss AU

I'm thinking of Shen Yuan choosing to jump into the Endless Abyss in place of Binghe to intentionally cut off the influence from the System, like how the System goes into hibernation from losing its power source when Binghe is in the Endless Abyss, so the System is unable to punish Shen Yuan by ejecting his soul for failing the crucial Endless Abyss mission.

This requires Shen Yuan knowing this condition, either by Shen Yuan already living this life, or from gleaning and deducing from previous conversations with the System and gambles on it.

Shen Yuan likely dies in the Endless Abyss from the Without a Cure flare ups while having no one to transfer him qi, but all is well if we make Shen Yuan having already planted the Sun and Moon Dew Flower body.

5 years passes. A man emerges from the Endless Abyss as in PIDW (though in a roundabout way as he died first and came back in a different body, and that person isn't the protagonist. )

Shen Yuan remains happy exploring the Demon Realm as a rogue cultivator Peerless Cucumber, not coming into contact with the System's power source because Binghe is still being the white lotus in Qing Jing.

For this to happen, people need to not realise Binghe is a demon. Maybe Shen Qingqiu prepared some talismans or some other method to suppress the demonic energy before the Immortal Alliance Conference.

People mourn this nice Shen Qingqiu and move on. The Qing Jing Peak get helps from other Peaks to fill in their 'dead' shizun's role. There's no corpse so there is no unending tug of war between Binghe and Liu Qingge. Neither can Zhuzhi lang revive his benevolent Master Shen in the Holy Mausoleum.

Airplane doesn't know this weird Shen Qingqiu, who might be a transmigrator but Airplane hadn't confirmed and would never have a chance to now, just switched to another body because Shen Yuan recalled and retrieved the Sun and Moon Dew Flower seeds by himself. Airplane will stay lonely as the sole transmigrator in the fic (as far as he knows.)

.

Eventually, Binghe would meet Peerless Cumcumber because the story wouldn't be complete without this event.

Maybe Peerless Cumcumber is a little too famous from his friendliness with demons? And his superb knowledge of flora and fauna even those in the Endless Abyss?

Maybe he unintentionally causes or gets involved in some unrest that cultivators are dispatched to.

Maybe Luo Binghe misses his shizun, dreams about him, then realises this dream isn't from his memories, nor is it constructed by him or Meng Mo, meaning he's in shizun's real dream and shizun has to somehow still be alive!

Well, Shen Yuan already considered his plan can eventually be foiled so he tries to find a loophole to not get ejected by the System the moment he meets Binghe.

Maybe it's from bargaining with the System, saying that this development isn't so bad and it's been more than more than 5 years and the world hasn't collapsed, that the story is still going so it's surely interesting enough for readers so there's no need to eject him now.

Maybe by tricking the System into agreeing with the novel genre change into fluff, hurt but mainly comfort, and happy ending so there's no need for the blackening.

Maybe we go down the System Reveal route and have Binghe destroys the System to save his shizun's life.

Or maybe the System continues its countdown from before Shen Yuan jumped off the Abyss. Shen Yuan somehow having obtained a way to open the Endless Abyss during his travel through the Demon Realm, takes Binghe in his hand and walks into the Endless Abyss together, as if going on a date, like, "Quick, Binghe. This Master has something to show you." And he shows and narrates to Binghe the gory and monstrous scenery kind of romantically.... But of course Shen Yuan is oblivious to it. Genuinely he's explaining what happened back then and why he jumped into the Endless Abyss, while avoiding the details about the transmigration and the System. And the story progresses into romance...

Then why didn't Shen Yuan just go in the Endless Abyss with Binghe the first time around? Maybe because Shen Yuan's body was still poisoned, Binghe's body was still unstable from the seal just breaking, and Binghe now is much more powerful than his 17 year old self, so going to the Endless Abyss now is barely a torture and abuse for his sweet white lotus disciple.

[niki-the-cat]

I have gift for you! *Throw the cucumber*

Scary cumcumber 👁️👁️🥒🥒🥒🥒

[cheekedupwhiteboy]

who wants some 8" cumcumber?? (produces vigorously!)

[ouyangzizhensdad]

started reading a cnovel and it felt so similar to svsss (in an underwhelming way), but figured it was my own bias and limited knowledge of cnovels making me relate genre conventions to mxtx....

....except it turns out chinese readers started leaving comments as 'peerless cumcumber' and as airplane-bro 😶

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Azu: The thing no one told me about Zone of Truth is that peple really enjoy asking for it during party games and then being drunk enough to just tell me really weird facts about themselfs.

Hamid: I only did that once!

Azu: It was a lovely party Hamid, I now know a lot about our friends. Somethings I honestly would preffer not to. Some of you are really horny.

Hamid: You can just say it was Oscar.

Azu: Oh no, Oscar was lovely. I mean there was the cumcumber rant but after that he mostly just talked about Afrodite's divine fashion sense.

Hamid: Oh! Great. So it was just a general feeling of horniness? Did Cell say something? Did Howard? It sounds like a Carter thing. *pause* Was it me?? Oh my god, I'm so sorry!

Azu: No, it was not you. You were lovely as away. It was... well...it was no one, I should not have comented.

Hamid: *who is a gossip at heart* *trying to not sound disapointed* Oh, okay. Yeah, no worries, we don't want to make peoole unconfortable and talking about our friends behind their backs is not -

Azu: It was Barnes.

[iminaworldofpureimagination]

PIZZA

[catangel24]

My recipes:

(I Will update the post when I have another idea, even add quantities and cals when I cook it)

When I succeeded loosing 4kg in one month last year I used to cook so I will force myself to start again even if I barely like now:

- CLOUD BREAD: egg whites + 0% yogurt +yeast+ (salty) spices and herbs or (sugary) pieces of fruits/ 0cal flavor

-SPICY SOUP: tomato puree + spices+ harissa/ sriracha

- FROZEN YOGURT: 0% yogurt ( or protein one) + suppl fruits in, go freeze all in a cup or plate then enjoy

- ANA WRAPS: ( ex of ingredients but compo: 1 prot+one sauce+ 1/2veg+ lettuce)

big lettuce leaves+ either spicy tuna ( other recipe) either turkey slices or 1 boiled egg in pieces + 0cal sauces + grated carrot+ tomatoe + bell pepper+ cube of cumcumber/ pickles … be orignal !

-SPICY TUNA: canned tuna + either 0% yogurt or tomato sauce low cal + harissa+ spices

-ZUCCHINI CHIPS: thin slices of zucchini + spices a lot, you can also try with eggplants

-CARROT CHIPS: same but with carrot strips ( keep the peel it contains vitamins!)

-CRUNCHY CHICKPEAS: roasted or with a pan + paprika = good for snack and prot !

[spacedustmantis]

leaves a crate of cumcumbers on your doorstep

i'm never going to be free am i

[taliskermortem]

okay on to episode 9

again under the cut so as not to bore you all

MINSEONG AND HYEONGJOON DATE:

the cuddling. its back. i’m still not over it.

minseong not impressed he’s been abandoned

oh my god. he made a list. i’m in love with him.

hyeongjoon’s driving terrifies me and minseong willingly got back in the car with him behind the wheel that’s some serious bravery

ah my hyeongjoon he’s so shy and awkward

why are they the only ones doing a proper activity

also they did not wear warm enough coats for this… oh never mind they did bring better coats thank god

why is hyeongjoon like this, he’s such a mess and its adorable… at least its an excuse to hold hands i guess

HOT PACKS AS A LANGUAGE OF LOVE I GUESS

(side not again… okay i never used to understand why so many koreans hate cucumber because where im from its really not that strong of a taste but that was before i had a korean cumcumber and now i undersand completely i don’t know whats wrong with them )

COUPLE RINGS I'M DEAD MINSEONG-AH WHY ARE YOU SO CUTE THEY’RE HIDEOUS

i’ve just ealised this is minseong’s first proper date bless him (no that one with junseong did not count that was just friends hanging out)

also how does hyeongjoon make those slits in his eyebrow disappear so thoroughly

ah communication. we love it.

they’re so cute together

JEONGWOOK AND HYEONGJIN DATE:

aah jeongwook i wish you weren’t so hung up on yoonghee

glad he’s enjoying himself though and he seems more relaxed with hyeongjin than i expected

oh my god imagine if hyeongjin didn’t like dogs this would have been a disaster

i too would focus on the dog and not the date can’t really blame you for that one

no no if he’s going to serenade i’m out of here i can’t deal with that i’m sorry even if you have the best voice in the world i cant hack it

WHY A CHRISTMAS SONG WHAT IS GOING ON GET ME OUT OF HERE

okay i’m sure he has a lovely voice but i think i died of embarrassment hyeongjin you truly are stronger man than me

okay it’s nice that jeongwook is opening up and showing more of himself but this is not really feeling like a date at all and if i were hyeongjin i would feel so incredible awkward right now

ah jeongwook don’t cry noooo this poor guy, he seems to really be struggling i hope he’s okay

THE EVENING:

not the dates coming home in order of how successful they were (from least to most in my personal opinion)

minseong following hyeongjoon to his room even though they’ve spent all day together already

JUNSEONG AND SEONGHO FIRST TO LEAVE LAST TO RETURN TAKE FROM THAT WHAT YOU WILL

yoonghee and junseong’s friendship is important to me okay

seonwoo literally could not answer a question directly even if his life depended on it

oh wow he’s really just going to sit there and stare at junseong and seongho in the kitchen what the hell dude

wow this isn’t awkward at all what are you trying to achieve here other than making everyone uncomfortable

let’s be honest the real final couple from this show is hyeongjoon and food

they talked for SEVEN HOURS HAHAHA I’M FINE (also still sitting together at the table it’s the little things okay)

AH I'M WEAK – hyeongjin wanting to talk to junseong and junseong taking seongho with him with that soft arm on his shoulders yes hi ive died had to rewind like five times to catch what they were saying because i was too distracted watching them… oh my god seongho’s ‘im going with you’ look im totally fine

GREY SPORTSWEAR FAMILY

seongho abandoning them to all the dishes he created just to hang out with junseong some more

okay im glad they had the same reaction as me to taking him to his house

THE HEAD ON THE LAP/SHIN SEONGHO PLEASE

“a very personal song” it was a christmas song bro

sensible seongho – go talk to jeongwook not them

poor jeongwook i feel like he’s been totally confused this whole day and to be honest i cant blame him there was a much simpler and susinct way for hyeongjin to get his point across without sounding kind of like an asshole and hurting people’s feelings

hyeongjin, my dude, stop. he get’s it, you misunderstood. let’s just let it rest and say you had a good time but you don’t have feelings

i understand hyeongjin not wanting there to be a misunderstanding but also jeongwook is right why he’s saying it like this is weird and hurtful

right i knew this conversation was going to go down the toilet but i didn’t think it would be this bad

unnecessary drama is all im saying

VOICEMAIL AND PHONE CALL TIME:

ha seonwoo no message from seongho or yoonghee this is what happens when you act the nice guy and have no follow through

seonwoo to seongho – awkward phone call and the first thing he brings up is seongho’s date with junseong this guy is a joke he literally said the other day they should just focus on each other not on junseong but he cannot let it go

two messages for junseong i’m living for this he deserves it

his face when he heard yoonghee that was priceless oh my god he’s so sweet and yeah i just love their friendship

love the silent pause before the second message like junseong and literally everyone else is holding their breath in anticipation

JUNSEONG-AH DID YOU WAIT LONG I'M SOBBING

also i’m pretty sure junseong has his eyes closed like he can’t quite believe it

AND THE PREVIEW:

look i don’t really want to talk about this i’ve been mad about it all day and will be for the next week

but also

from the voice mails we now know:

junseong – seongho

seongho – junseong

yoonghee – junseong

seonwoo – seongho

hyeongjin – seonwoo

minseong – hyeongjin

so the only one we don’t know is jeongwook, which means he definitely doesn’t have any messages and unless he sent a message to hyeongjoon (which is definitely possible) hyeongjoon also won’t have any messages

i kind of wish minseong had told hyeongjoon beforehand that he hadn’t sent him a message just so hyeongjoon isn’t expecting it and it’s not going to ruin his evening after the date they had

ugh it’s still such a mess i’m just going to try and forget about everything that isn’t junseong and seongho being soft

[piosplayhouse]

just saw a post thread debating if "cumcumber" is a fruit and got more than halfway through it before realizing that was a typo and not a post about some new scum villain ship name from you.

Shen Yuan x Shen Yuan? I have in fact read that before it's good