#csi 10x06

[ilkkawhat]

10.06 Death and the Maiden

[nade2308]

I'm gonna rewatch csi (caused I'm basically in s15 now and I need more eads) Which episode should I start with?

Oh, thanks for the ask and happy watching.

I can't think of all the eps right now, but my favorites and those who are mostly Nick centered or have a lot of Nick in them or good Nick moments are: 1x06, 1x11, 1x13, 2x03, 2x19, 5x24 and 5x25 (aka Grave Danger, my most fav eps out of all), 6x05, 8x17, 9x01, 9x16, 10x03, 10x06, 10x15, 10x23, 11x01, 11x15, 11x19, 12x01, 12x14, 12x22, 13x01, 13x03, 13x05, 13x22, 14x01, 14x02, 14x14, 15x01, 15x02, 15x03, 15x17.

Originally I have watched up until s10 (back in the day). And I still have to watch s11-15 fully, so I'm probably missing some good eps).

[ilkkawhat]

Did anyone else notice the acknowledgement to Nick’s past between the victim services advisor April Martin in the episode Death and the Maiden? How she told him to keep the other card just in case because she senses Nick’s own abuse and how hostile he is towards her for it?

oh nonny how I wish I could find the two page essay I had written to my friend back when this episode first aired, of how this episode was a perfect exploration without directly acknowledging Nick's past, of Nick's past. How he was so affected by this case but unlike 2x03 he didn't let it show--I think the 2x03 case we saw more of his emotions because it so closely paralleled his own experience that he even put himself in the damn flashback which is not something you see like, ever in that show (off topic but I hope the revival brings back those classic flashbacks)

I think April was yet another in what I feel like is a pretty sizeable pile of storylines that they probably wanted to explore a bit deeper--maybe even a full on relationship between the two of them--and hell now that I think about it, there was that bit in 12x03 where Nick had that back and forth with Doc Robbins' niece about baggage and stuff and you just know it was hinting at all of Nick's baggage--but I def think she had gotten some sort of feeling from him that made him stick out from all the other CSIs, which is why she was so willing to help and even came to him when she sensed that something wasn't right with Tommy--if any other CSI had gone into that office, would they have gotten the same treatment from her? Would they have stood up to her (fairly) cruel jabs towards the CSIs who in her eyes, treated death as a joke and victims as evidence? I feel like most others would just shrug her off but here we have Nick who's like "uhm yeah no, that's not how it is" and for once he's the one challenging that almost ignorance (similar to how his ignorance was at times, challenged, i.e a little murder) and while yeah he kinda storms off cause her words hurt him (bless his heart) and pissed him off she saw that, she saw that hostility that was obviously covering something deeper within him and extended that hand, extended her heart and I think if she reappeared in the show again, Nick would have returned the favor--maybe not full on divulging his past, maybe not directly seeking the service that she offers in the professional sense but maybe would have just...let her in a bit.

I rewatched those two scenes they had to answer this ask and another notable thing to me is that Brass was the one who led Nick to April--Brass, who has been there for all of the victimizations Nick's had to experience (and I mean...just look at Stalker. Look at how he cups his hand around Nick's neck, calming him down, comforting him with a soft smile and the assurance that "it's over") and so he obviously knows who April is, what she's capable of--and how Nick might not just need a professional consultation so to speak for a case, but a personal one too? And like yeah, he's not super reckless "i'm not afraid to die" post meat jekyll yet but I think Brass has known Nick long enough to see those cracks in him and idk man, I'm sure with just...Nick being Nick, with how he survived literally being thrown out of a window, all the gun point incidents, having been stalked, blown up, being buried alive--seeing Nick surviving all of that and still coming to the job that got him in those predicaments in the first place (well ok though, Stalker may have still happened if he wasn't a CSI since Nigel met him while installing his cable but oh god...what if the team was too late? how would that lack of personal connection to Nick affected their urgency to protect him??? What if that instance is what would pull Nick into the team? The possibilities of AUs are endless here folks)

but with all of that, there must be something else that happened to him to allow him to literally rise from a grave being like "yeah I'm fine." Something worse. Something that men in particular don't seem too eager to talk about.

Brass is a detective.

He's probably seen it all between his time in New Jersey and Vegas.

He probably saw something in Nick that he's seen before in other victims.

And not only that, he knows that like April, Nick has a big heart. A big bleeding heart even though Nick denied that April did, I think it's clear that Nick sure as hell has one and while he ends up kinda hardening up as time goes on--we still get flashes of it. we still see him admit to Doc in season 13, "sometimes this job really gets to me" and he tells Nick, "worry when it doesn't."

What if Brass felt that Nick was heading towards that direction? Season Ten Nick, while again, not as reckless as Indestructible Season Eleven Nick, was def carrying his head a little too high. Sure, he was stepping into more of a leadership role and therefore had to kinda hold back some his emotions, but seeing him work this case, seeing him say "I would have killed him too," seeing him take this case so seriously and probably in a big whole denial, "this isn't the same as what happened to me." there had to be something going on and that's why he gives him to April. To not just help the victim, but help himself before becomes too hard-boiled.

Before he stops being Nicky.

And going back to April and your original ask 😅 I could def see her being able to work with Nick a lot more than any of the "therapists" that Nick seems so against, just getting bits and pieces and running with them as much as she can. Maybe encouraging him to let her see more of the CSI side to things, and letting him see the work that she does. It wouldn't be easy, of course, I could see Nick walking away when she pushes too hard, just like Catherine did, but if he got backed too far into a corner or if she caught him on a really vulnerable night, I bet he'd crack like an oyster and just tell her everything and she would be able to help him in ways that nobody else could to that point--she could help that ghost of the nine year old boy who was too scared to do anything but sit in his room, in the dark, waiting for his mom to come home. Does she encourage him to finally tell his parents about it? Does she encourage him to tell more of the people close to him? Does she encourage him to sure, keep it to himself but to not blame himself for it? To show him that he can still trust the people he's "supposed" to trust, that the work isn't as dark and heavy as he sees it on a daily basis (which, hell, maybe they could have done the post grave danger burn out storyline george talked about wanting to do in an interview once where he couldn't' even look at spaghetti without seeing blood and bodies--god let this man just be the showrunner of his own show) and GOD! we could have just had it all. It could have been such a real, genuine relationship between two people on different sides of the same coin that tips the scales of justice--connecting over victims, and how they just want to help

[ilkkawhat]

10.06 Death and The Maiden

[ilkkawhat]

10.06 Death and the Maiden | 15.09 Let’s Make a Deal

[ilkkawhat]

10.06 Death and The Maiden

[ilkkawhat]

10.06 Death and The Maiden

[ilkkawhat]

10.06 Death and The Maiden

[ilkkawhat]

10.06 Death and the Maiden

[ilkkawhat]

10.06 Death and the Maiden

[ilkkawhat]

I rewatched the Nigel episode not too long ago with new eyes and it struck me how much he has in “common” with Nick! Catherine and Warrick sorta brush off Nick’s concerns about his dry cleaned clothes and prom date photos, as if he’s just paranoid. He’s not taken seriously which results in being thrown through a window and Warrick feeling guilty and the only person who humored him in small talk is Nigel about cable channels. Nick hates that Nigel is him in some way, deep down. Thoughts?

I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS

(warnings for mentions of abuse and Nick’s trauma and suicide attempts. Also warning for possible mischaracterization of Nick and Nigel because SELF PROJECTION cause I really can���t tell anymore nor do I claim to be any sort of expert on Nick, just a really really big fan of him)

So one quote from another fav show of mine that’s always just kinda stuck out to me is during this episode where SSA Aaron Hotchner is interrogating an unsub with a similar history of abuse as him, where the unsub claims “some people are born killers” and then Hotch says “and some people are born to catch them.” 

I think we all know which one Nick is, but honestly? I think Nigel is that other side of the coin. 

We are never told outright about Nigel’s past so just bear with me here and imagine how his childhood could have shaped who he is as a person. He may have grown up with a family who told him the world was dangerous and filthy, who thought the absolute worst of people and thought they were better than everybody else, which explains why he looks down on people so much. He could have witnessed his parents mistreat each other, perhaps to the point where maybe one of them didn’t fight back and was weak because of it (he goes on that rant about how humans are lifeless puppets and ants and all that). Perhaps he sees how his father controlled his mother, and that’s how he learns to control Jane Galloway--a girl who I’m sure, he would have considered to be more than just his “girlfriend” had their relationship “developed” in Nigel’s eyes.

He could have grown up in a neglectful household so he had to sort of fend for himself and make friends for himself but didn’t have the social skills to do that, so he he kind of became that creepy outcast kid that everybody wanted to avoid, so any, and I mean any positive attention he got, he misconstrued to be a sign of friendship which explains his fucked up idea of what friendship and love is. He gets obsessively attached, possessive--which is something I recently talked about Nick being in another ask--even if the other person doesn’t feel the same way towards them.

Or, he could have had a perfectly normal childhood until the age of nine, when a last minute babysitter turns his world upside down and reveals to him that life is not the land of sunshine and rainbows that all children should believe, that trust is a thing so easily broken just as his innocence is. That the horrors he hears spoken about from his family when they regale tales from the courtroom (though I’m sure the Stokes parents would not do it in such an obvious way, using code words and euphemisms that Nick’s older siblings catch onto and educate Nick on as well) are real and not just made up stories to scare him into eating his vegetables. That he doesn’t deserve the life he could have had, he deserves this trauma and this pain and is sentenced to carry it with him for the rest of his life with absolutely no choice in the matter. 

That his life was ruined a long time ago, so what’s the point in even trying to make it better? Connections were severed, connections to a happy childhood, to a happy home life, to a happy healthy view on the world that he’ll never get back no matter how hard he tries because that happened and he sentences himself to a life of investigating how it could happen to others, too. 

Or watching how it happens to others. 

Or in Nigel’s case, becoming the monster in the closet. The monster under the bed. The monster in the ceiling, watching the suffering through a tiny hole that’s not even noticed to the untrained eye.

Whatever happened, Nigel also seems to hate himself for it. Hate himself so much that he sees Nick and wants to become a whole other person, just as Nick strives to become the person Grissom wants him to be, or Grissom himself. And yet, Nigel also seems to have a bit of an ego, bragging about his achievements and deeds and while Nick is for the most part, modest, he does partake in his own share of bragging though it’s not often and usually only to tease somebody rather than some sort of show of superiority--like when he brags to Warrick during his high points in the Anonymous case they bet on. And I’m not saying Nick 100% hates himself but he definitely has confidence issues, definitely takes his mistakes to heart, it’s why he’s always looking for validation, working harder than he should have to in order to prove himself. 

And though Nigel hates others, too, most notably just...people in general, he still observes them. Still watches the world from a bird’s eye view (Nick loves birds, btw...and I think it’s very fitting that his like, antithesis is named after one) and is good at it, too. He’s good at what he does, so good that he’s able to add extra channels when installing cable and presumably doesn’t get in trouble for it. Good enough to sneak into somebody attic and live there for days...weeks?...months even? Who knows if Jane was his first, and we don’t exactly know how long he was stalking Nick for, I would imagine for more than a week though? 

And Nick’s good at what he does too, as he’s often told. He’s got a great eye for details--he always seems to go above and beyond in his evidence collecting (even with...pizza box sized swatches hehe) and seems to be a great photographer (just as Nigel’s a great videographer) He’s a good listener, too...and so is Nigel, taking the time to get to know somebody, even if he doesn’t let them know himself while he lets them take the spotlight. 

But when the spotlight is on him...that’s when things begin to change. Nick’s a very private person and obviously Nigel is even more so to the point when Nick got closer than anybody to discovering who he really was, he attacked and threw Nick out of a fucking window. Even when Nigel talks about himself it’s usually about how he sees his victims, again we don’t get much of any detail on his backstory, unless...he’s revealing details about himself...through those victims. The reasons of why he chose them. His almost...empathy of them, which we all know Nick goes a little overboard with. He doesn’t tell victims why he understands them so well, he probably feels he doesn’t have to or doesn’t want their pity--which is why he doesn’t talk much about his trauma even though it would probably helped a few times (like with the male sexual assault victim in 10x06 though I feel like there was some subtext there with it all, or if he outright told that vic in 15x09 that he had the same thing happen to him as a child, too) 

Nigel doesn’t seem to want any pity, either. He just wants to be adored. Wants to be loved. 

Nick may not necessarily want the adoration but does want acceptance. Understanding. Wants validation from people he feels qualified to give it to him (Grissom) He wants to be liked, and wants to like everyone...but he doesn’t. His faith in humanity seems to shrink throughout the series, but also with it, does that little bit of ego he starts off with in how he wants to pack heat. Wants to be the man. Wants to be a “good CSI” in Grissom’s eyes and by the end, all he wants is his friends. His family. 

The things Nigel can never have.

But also with the empathy thing--something I picked up on and always sort of thought about for a while is the final showdown scene between Nigel and Nick. How Nick puts on his brave face (and some poorly chosen sass like c’mon buddy is it really a good idea to piss off the stalker with a gun) and does finally kind of flex his strength, “this isn’t the first time I’ve had a gun in my face,” as if to say “what you are doing right now to me is not affecting me in the slighest” but it’s not anger we see in Nigel’s face after that. 

It’s almost...concern. 

He doesn’t believe what he’s hearing. He’s threatening Nick’s life, probably to expect him to beg on his hands and knees like the worthless ant he is just so Nigel can prove to him that he is the one who deserves to be Nick Stokes but here, he’s just watching as Nick throws the worth to his life away, acting as a man with nothing to lose and Nigel hesitates.

And his plan changes.

Nigel had to have known from the minute the psychic entered that the game was over. There were two ways out of this, either in a cop car or a body bag and suddenly he can’t do it. He can’t shoot Nick. He can’t become him anymore, ironically even if Nigel was going to throw his life away to “become Nick” he can’t seem to become a version of Nick who’s willing to just die, too. 

So back against the wall? No way out? No options? Time is at an end? He points the gun to himself. Wants Nick to remember his name. 

And Nick...what did Nick do, when his back was against a Plexiglas wall? With no way out? No options? Time is at an end?

Points the gun to himself. 

Leaves a message on a tape, starts that tape off with “My name is Nick Stokes,” because he wants everybody to remember his name.

And I mentioned in the other ask how I’m sort of touching upon some of this theme of Nick and Nigel being similar in this fic I’m working on, where I currently have this line of “He acts tough, acts with an air of superiority but when the light is shined on him, he shrinks away and the facade is broken, revealing the coward at the other end of the gun.”

Just as Nigel hesitated, couldn’t seem to shoot Nick, showing his true cowardly nature...Nick couldn’t shoot McKeen, who also declared his cowardice. Couldn’t become the man that McKeen is, just as Nigel couldn’t ultimately become Nick. 

And that’s the thing with Nick, is he does have that line that he never crosses, the one that doesn’t make him a killer, and he’s aware of that, and takes pride in it, even if he doesn’t tout it around. He’ll always have that bit of an ego that he’s better than the scumbags he puts away--he probably even thinks he’s better than the 15x09 vic in the way that while he can’t forget his past and didn’t murder his abuser, he didn’t beg for mercy or become vengeful or become a crazed stalker always searching for the connections he lost at a very early age...he just...deals with it. Carries it. Lets it be part of the person it made him to be. Nick Stokes, Crime Stopper. 

But he also knows that if he did have the chance, he wouldn’t hesitate to do it...he just knows how not to get caught...unlike how Nigel did. 

[nade2308]

No matter how many times I reblog this, it still hurts to just think of all the angst.

10.06 Death and the Maiden | 15.09 Let’s Make a Deal