#crowley pretzel

[sc4rleteyez]

aziracrow teenage au in which crowley is a hot topic employee and aziraphale works at the food court’s auntie annie’s

crowley spends each and every one of his lunch breaks at the food court just to look at aziraphale and (possibly) get the chance to talk to him

[evachuart]

ahhhhh I never really see fanart from this era

[kiame-sama]

Do Fae know that you can cook with alcohol? The human is about to blow their minds by making them steak with wine sauce.

They never thought of combining the two- especially because cooking is a special occasion kind of thing- and Lilia is going to have his mind blown by adding wine to sauces, beer to cheeses and meats, ect. He will probably cry once the Human figures out sausages and makes him beet-battered bratwurst with cheese and some wine cooked asparagus with beer cheese pretzel sticks. Crowley is suddenly much more interested on cooking and may even take one of the culinary classes himself.

[meatballlady]

Good Omens Season 2: What We Know So Far Dottie and Sadie Edition

All of the info about GOS2, especially Dottie and Sadie, in one place. (Note, this is satirical and there are no actual spoilers in this post afaik)

For the most up to date details, check out the tag #special spoilers on Neil Gaiman's tumblr.

Cast

Returning:

[Fennec foxes, various] as Crowley

Michael Sheen as Aziraphale

Jon Hamm [Chinchilla, name unconfirmed] as Gabriel

Note: there have been no official announcements regarding the casting of the following new characters:

Michael Sheen as Dottie (unconfirmed)

David Tennant as Sadie (unconfirmed)

Michael Sheen as The Master Spy (unconfirmed)

Giant Pretzel

Sadie's Brother

Aziraphale's Mother-in-Law

Sadie's Kittens

Production Note: Someone (undisclosed) was bitten in regards to the fennec foxes filming with Crowley's wife.

What do we know about the Season 2 episodes?

There will be 6 episodes.

So far, two specific episodes have been announced (although it has not been confirmed which episodes they are):

"Jam Factory" episode, which contains a magic poster covered in jam

"Girls Night Out" episode, in which we will spend a lot of time with Dottie and Sadie (Crowley and Aziraphale's wives)

The Plot

First, a detailed plot summary of Season 2:

"Crowley and Aziraphale, who in this season are both undertakers in Birmingham, and their wives, Dottie and Sadie, go on holiday together to the South of France. The boys get very drunk at a wine tasting, and their wives have to bring them home to the hotel, where Aziraphale (still drunk) puts on the gorilla costume he finds in a closet. Imagine Crowley's shock, when he sees a gorilla climbing out of the window of the hotel! Now, it just so happens that a master spy who looks exactly like Aziraphale hid the microfilm plans for a missile in Crowley's bathroom, and has returned to obtain the microfilm, which is hidden in a book of naughty seaside postcards that Dottie found earlier and threw out of the window. When the police turn up looking for the gorilla, they find the master spy but think it's actually Aziraphale. Fortunately Sadie realises that the pineapple-shaped birthmark has vanished from Aziraphale's left elbow which means that he's an imposter and she and Dottie set out to rescue him in his gorilla costume from the circus that he's been sold to by an unscrupulous animal welfare centre operative. And then there are lots of cats and horses. The end."

Additional plot details:

Crowley and Aziraphale and their wives will go on their honeymoons at the same time in the same little French town, during the annual marmalade convention.

Aziraphale will have a new Season 2 Catchphrase - "Ooh-heck, it's the wife!" (at one point, he will shout this whole clutching a toilet plunger)

Several stories will be set in the tomato sauce factories they all work in.

Dottie's phone will be broken at the outing to Blackpool.

In episode 4, it will be revealed that Dottie and Sadie and their husbands have unknowingly all been booked in the same hotel room.

There will be a pie fight scene at the inflatable gorilla factory (which will clarify a lot about Aziraphale and Crowley's interpersonal relationships).

Aziraphale will attempt to summon a magic gorilla, in order to obtain one of the four fruits of the apocalypse (e.g. the Banana of Doom).

The Giant Pretzel will give Crowley a magic peach.

There will be a very moving scene when Dottie thinks that Sadie is pregnant but actually Sadie is planning to get a kitten.

This detail about the kitten(s?): "The arrival of the kitten will also be delightful, but I'm not promising it doesn't mean that the season won't end with the patter of tiny feet. Let's just say that two sets of twins would mean double the fun for everybody."

Aziraphale will be dead by the time Crowley goes on his secret mission. Aziraphale's wife will inherit the book shop, which she runs with her brother.

This detail about Gabriel's story arc: "Gabriel came to Earth to go on holiday to Spain with Aziraphale and Crowley and their wives, Dottie and Sadie. He's working as an art critic and when he sees the picture hanging in Crowley's bed and breakfast bedroom he realizes it's an original painting by Jerry Picasso (Pablo's baby brother) and resolves to steal it on the same night that the neighborhood Dress as a Burglar and Win a Fridge competition is held. Hilarity ensues."

The flashback scenes will be of where Crowley and Aziraphale both met their wives.

Season 2 will end with a dance-off mix-up on a French Nudist Beach, with several enormous inflatable animals and Aziraphale's mother-in-law dressed in a gorilla costume.

On Goncharov's influence on Season 2:

"The whole of Season 2 of Good Omens was inspired by Goncharov. Dottie and Sadie, Aziraphale and Crowley's wives, were basically my take on Perdita and Brigitte, the two tourists who worked in the condom factory, and the whole Goncharov helium balloons and clowns sequence. For that matter, without Goncharov it would never have occurred to me to have made the comedy in episode 4 the fact that Dottie and Sadie and their husbands have unknowingly all been booked in the same hotel room, or to have had the Archangel Gabriel played by a chinchilla. "

[deancasforcutie]

#reblogging for the mic-dropping addition (thank you!!)#because see? even if we want to be willfully obtuse about the dialogue there's things happening onscreen that are telling the story too (via @ironworked)

So related to that twins/triplets gifset (or rather some people's reactions to it),

let me just say something:

CDC's data for 2021 says the number of triplet births in the US was 2,785 (total of births 3,664,292). Now we have to imagine how many of those sets were ALL female.

So Lee and Dean, and later Dean and Crowley, had to find at least two sets of those all female triplets, of appropriate age, willing to have group sex with them. All in the few months that they spent together (around Stanford era for Lee). What are the odds of that? And also, why assume the two men didn't interact?

OR

Dean and Lee (owner of Swayze's), and Dean and Crowley (participated-in-a-suburban-orgy-when-he-was-possessing-a-woman Crowley), use triplets (and twins) to refer to 3 (or 2) people of whatever gender not because they're actually related but because they are close/'came as a set', it's titillating, part of the fantasy, of the game. So these conversations are about group sex involving two men plus other people whose gender isn't mentioned. There's a lot of possibilities there.

Which scenario is more likely?

We can make it more obvious: just think how easy it would've been to specify women or sisters instead. Like 'extraordinary things we've done to women/sisters', or '...and those twin sisters?' 'no, they were not twins, they were triplets'.

Btw, Patrick Swayze's ('always gets a pass') Roadhouse:

[zorlok-if]

Sneak Peek at First Battle Scene:

[Spoiler warnings for Episode 1]

Episode one opens with a scene between a freshly memory-wiped Zorlok + Tommy then (after a time jump) leads into a battle scene (against a being I refer to as the Lost One). There is a lot of customizability within this scene and I have been having so much fun writing these choices and the variation within the different routes. To showcase just a little bit of this variability, here are some different versions of the same few choices within this scene plus a sneak peek at the testing cheats screen that I currently have to use when playtesting by myself.

CHOICE ONE: You are sitting on a swingset and noticed a being watching you from the forest. You decided to slowly reach for a weapon.

The following passage (selected the knife, used to body, + Z wears glasses)

The following passage (selected the machete, not used to body, no glasses, + snake hellhound)

CHOICE TWO: You decided to call out to the Lost One while showing off with the weapon.

The following passage ("modern" Z, not used to body, snake hellhound, wielding machete)

The following passage ("old" Z, used to body, wolf hellhound, wielding knife)

Dialogue choice results

old Z, used to body, knife, wolf hound, "asshole" response VS. modern Z, used to body, machete, cat hound, "asshole" response:

old Z, used to body, crowbar, bat hound, glasses, "order" response VS. modern Z, used to body, machete, raccoon hound, no glasses, "order" response

old Z, used to body, machete, vulture hound, glasses, "lurk" response VS. modern Z, used to body, crowbar, snake hound, no glasses + no brimmed hat + long hair, "lurk" response

old Z, used to body, knife, wolf hound, glasses + wearing a brimmed hat, "guest" response VS. modern Z, used to body, machete, raccoon hound, no hat + long hair, "guest" response

And these are the choices around the bottom of this passage type:

BUT, if Zorlok isn't used to this body yet...

modern Z, not used to body, crowbar, cat hound, "lurk" response VS. old Z, not used to body, knife, bat hound, "order" response

And this is what the choices around the bottom of this passage type are like:

Bonus, my Testing Cheats Dialog Box:

TESTING CHEATS

USED TO BODY |  NOT USED TO BODY

MODERN |  TECHNOPHOBE

CROWBAR | MACHETE | KNIFE

CLAWS  | SHARP NAILS |  LONG NAILS  | SHORT NAILS

GLASSES  | NO GLASSES

COWBOY HAT  | NO HAT

LONG HAIR  | SHORT HAIR

THEY/THEM ZORLOK  | HE/HIM ZORLOK  | XE/XEM ZORLOK

GESTR (THEY/THEM) - WOLF NADJA (SHE/HER) - BAT CROWLEY (IT/ITS) - SNAKE DARCY (HE/HIM) - CAT TERROR (XE/XEM) - RACCOON SOLAS (HE/HIM) - GOAT MOROS (THEY/THEM) - VULTURE PRETZEL (HE/HIM) - PUG DIONYSUS (EY/EM) - HYENA

[vidavalor]

I was reading your metas and they're great btw. I need more about the sexy sculptures. I saw you think that Aziraphale wasn't surprised by the fighting one when he was in Crowley's flat?

Hi and thank you. Help yourself to snacks. It's a pretzels and dip sorta night over here. Surprised? Uh, well... I think Aziraphale probably gave it to Crowley, actually...

Aziraphale just sitting there on Christmas in the bookshop while Crowley opened the box, all faux-innocent over the lip of his tea cup, and well, your flat *is* a bit stark, dear as Crowley cackled in delight.

[bazzpop]

Tied Up In Knots

@flashfictionfridayofficial

Aziraphale’s first indication that something was wrong was the loud thump of something—or someone—very heavy slamming onto the ancient floorboards. His second was the wince-inducing crash of porcelain shattering as it, too, hit the floor. And, lastly, his third was the hissed out obscenities that soon followed, no doubt coming from a very grumpy, and likely pained, snake.

“Crowley, dear?” Azirpahale asked towards the backroom, though he didn’t get up to check just yet. If Crowley was well enough to move on to cursing his way through every dead language they knew in history, he probably wasn’t in any real danger. “Everything all right?”

“Yesss,” Crowley hissed irritably, “jussst peachy.”

“I highly doubt that whatever you’re doing back there has anything to do with peaches.” Aziraphale set his book aside and primly took off his nifty reading glasses that were more for form than function. “You know I’d be awfully cross if it does and you didn’t share any.”

“No peachesss,” Crowley promised. The rasp of scales sliding furiously against the floors loud in the otherwise quiet shop. “If anything, I’d sssay ‘s more like a pretzel.”

Intrigued by that tiny admission, Aziraphale rose from his cushy armchair and mentally prepared himself for whatever Crowley could have possibly gotten himself into while he began the short walk into the backroom.

The sight that met him upon entry was not at all what he’d expected.

Crowley was in serpent form, sprawled out on the floor, littered remnants of an unfortunate mug of cold cocoa scattered around him, and absolutely tangled in the blanket Aziraphale had carefully laid over him while he had been dozing off in the sunbeams earlier. But, from the look of things, he had also managed to get a bit tangled up in himself too—if the giant mess of a knot in his middle, spine up in a rather nasty twist because of it, was anything to go by.

“Uh,” Crowley’s thin tongue poked out to lick his non-existent lips, strongly resisting the urge to hide his snout somewhere deep amongst his coils in embarrassment, “I can explain.”

“I’m sure you can,” Azirpahale desperately tried not to laugh for Crowley’s sake, “and I’d very much love to hear it, but how about I get you unraveled first? That can’t be very comfortable.”

“Oh, yeah, that’d be great.”

Gently, Aziraphale picked up the bundle of snake and went about inspecting the knot. Oh dear, Crowley had done quite a number on himself with this one, he tsked. It took him a couple minutes of poking and prodding for the knot to finally give way.

Inspecting his handiwork, Aziraphale stroked a hand down the smooth scales in a soothing manner. “There we are, good as new.”

“Thanksss,” Crowley slipped through the angel’s hands, collapsing onto the floor and back into his favorite human shape. But as soon as he materialized, he grabbed at his back with a grimace, leaning into the arms Aziraphale had brought up when his knees almost buckled under him. “Ow, that smarts.”

“Something wrong?”

“Think I pulled something in my back,” the demon explained with a wince before it turned into a disbelieving laugh, “didn’t know I could do that as a snake.”

“Neither did I,” Aziraphale chucked along with an undercurrent of concern, raising a hand to snap, “is it something I could help with?”

“Nah, don’t trouble yourself—I’m fine, really. Nothing a bit of sitting down for a while, stretching it out, and maybe having something to drink can’t fix.”

“Oh,” Azirpahale wiggled, though a more controlled wiggle as to not jostle the poor demon’s aching back too much, “I do believe I can help with that!” Together they hobbled their way over to the sofa so the demon could sit himself down, and then moved on to pour them some drinks from an ornate crystal decanter of Crowley’s favorite scotch. “Now then, I believe I was promised an explanation on how that happened?” He asked, offering a tumbler of amber colored liquor to a crooked sitting demon.

“Right.” Crowley accepted it, tongue flicking out to better catch the scent. Oooh this was the good stuff, leave it to Aziraphale to know him so well. “Let’s just say I couldn’t get comfortable, tied myself up in knots without something warm to wrap myself around in such a drafty old bookshop.”

“Well then,” Azirpahale smiled down into his glass, feeling brave, “perhaps I’ll just have to offer myself the next time you feel the need to cuddle something warm, shouldn’t I?”

Crowley sputtered into his drink, alcohol burning his nose, and tried to hold onto his cool attitude, even after the indignity of today’s events. “Sure, if you like.”

“I would.”

[i-love-your-light]

need need NEED a flashback scene in season 3 of aziraphale actually performing one of crowley's temptations. like, they've talked about The Arrangement plenty, and imagining crowley taking on aziraphale's blessings is straightforward enough (some eye rolls and a deadpan delivery but ultimately not a real moral quandry for the demon) , but I *need* to see aziraphale holding up his end of the bargains. especially early on in The Arrangement. does he fret and wring his hands over his inner moral conflict? does he bend himself into a pretzel to justify it as some beauracratic necessity? does he have a freak out before? after? during? is there one that he does where he goofs it up, and how does he correct a temptation gone wrong anyway? idk!!! i would just love to see it!!!!

[motion-blur-crowley]

"Haha the way crowley sits... snek"

Me: hikes knee up on armrest and pretzels in chair

[chrononautintraining]

20 questions for fic writers

Thanks for the tag @lindirs-gaze!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

78

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

1,216,174

3. what fandoms do you write for?

My current hyperfixation is The Untamed/Modao Zushi, but I write for whatever. I've got a lot of one shots for properties I think are neat like Welcome to Nightvale or Parks and Rec.

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

A Passion for Mushrooms, Mountain Flowers, The Seedling, Family's Just Another Word for Something Left To Lose, and In Town for the Wedding. Four in Hobbit/LotR fandom and one Naruto.

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

I really try to. I appreciate feedback so much. When I'm in a funk it really brightens my mood, so I want to respond and build community with readers not just drop a story. And sometimes I go months without checking my inbox which makes me feel awkward about replying. It's a mix.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Interestingly, Family's Just Another Word For Something Left To Lose, according to some readers. It's ambiguous at the end and *a lot* of people think Kakashi dies, which is not at all my intent. I was paralleling the same scene with Iruka in the anime, and Iruka survives. It did not occur to me that the ambiguity would be what so many people took away.

The one I wrote that's intentionally angsty at the end is all i hear is your gear, which has no happy intentions and is all just about Crowley being a demon in hell.

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

So much of my stuff is romance with a traditional HEA ending, but weirdly the ending I like most is A Spy in the Shire. It's a happy ending for this one oc dwarf, but in the broader context of the series I think it both emphasizes the Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies AU happiness as well as justifying the many sacrifices made in canon.

8. do you get hate on any fics?

yeah for sure. And I am sensitive about it. If it hits me when I'm already feeling low, I usually have to stay away from fandom spaces for a while and I often lose the motivation to write at all. It sucks. Some of it I can brush off more easily, like the Iruka/Kakashi shippers who come onto my fic to make fun of the way Mighty Guy looks and try to pick a fight. They are likely children and I just don't engage. But the people who criticize my writing or a specific story for reasons they are happy to detail can be harder to ignore.

This is of course a very different thing than the helpful folks who point out that I've once again mixed up desert and dessert. Y'all are lovely and I appreciate the help.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

Yes, as the mood strikes. ...the kind I'm in the mood for? Almost always romantic stuff between a major pairing.

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Listen. Ron Swanson and Wolverine would be very good friends, actually. My Parks and Rec / X-men crossover is not crazy.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! One of my Naruto fics is available in Chinese and two of my Modao Zushi stories can be read in Russian. As I speak neither language, I can only assume the translators did an awesome job of making my writing smarter, funnier, and sexier than it is in English.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I find the idea of collaborating interesting.

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

This is not how my brain works. I pretty much constantly have a Current Obsession and then pairings I still enjoy. Right now, Wangxian invented love, but I'll always enjoy revisiting a certain romance involving Mister Spock or the Leverage Pretzels and Beer OT3.

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I desperately want to finish my Zombie Criminal Minds series, particularly because being able to revisit it will mark the end of my pandemic / outbreak related brain gremlins.

16. what are your writing strengths?

speling

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

I'd like to do more with humor. I feel like I frequently manage to provoke a sensible chuckle, but I've read fics that make me crack up. Someday, I'd like to write a really Terry Pratchett style laugh-a-minute story.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Sometimes you gotta do it, because it's in keeping with the canon, but it's always best to do sparingly. If it's longer than a greeting or an honorific, I like to translate directly within the narrative or use a footnote.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

Slayers. Yes, I was that anime kid in high school.

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

My favorite child? Well, I've never really cared for Pit Stop...

I suppose, back against a wall, I enjoy the world building in None So Blind. We just don't spend enough time in dwarven spaces that aren't complete ruins in the canon. Coupled with thoughts on fantasy accessibility and the classic trope of tripping a romantic lead into a pile of literal pig shit, I just like it. Good work, 2018!me.

If you'd like to play, please pretend I tagged you! For the meme, I'll invite @youhideastar, @primtheamazing, and @sunshine304

[edosianorchids901]

Liminal Space

@flashfictionfridayofficial prompt - "mall at night"

On the occasions when Crowley had assignments in America, it was kinda fun. He didn’t leave London much these days, and a change of scenery kept things fresh. New places, new drinks, new experiences.

It did have one major downside, though. It was lonely.

In London, if he got a little depressed, it was easy to deal with. Just a quick drive, and he could be at the bookshop in minutes. Aziraphale always greeted him with enthusiasm, with that bright smile and those kind eyes. Just seeing him was enough to make everything feel loads better, even if they had to constantly be careful not to misstep.

Here, a continent away, Crowley had to find a different kind of mood boost. He’d tried alcohol. He’d tried driving his rented car really fast and listening to loud music. It hasn’t worked.

Which meant it was time for something else, a challenge, some sort of adrenaline rush, something to get the heart rate up. In this case, breaking into a shopping mall without using any miracles.

He’d parked the black Mustang across the street, then crept over to the mall. Dodging the street lights, sticking to the shadows as much as possible. Evaded a guard and snuck over to a back door.

Crowley usually opened locked doors with a miracle, but he’d recently learned how to pick locks. It seemed like a good skill to have, a cool skill. The sort of thing that would be a terrific challenge.

It actually turned out to be kind of tedious, but he tried to enjoy it anyway. Needed to appreciate the little things if he wanted to cheer himself up.

The interior of the mall was more interesting. An odd sense of peace settled in as he slipped inside, his footsteps echoing down the empty hall. No humans to worry about, no jobs to do, no needing to put on an act as a big bad demon. Just him.

Or so he thought, right up until he strolled into the food court and found Aziraphale seated at one of the tables, delicately working his way through a massive soft pretzel.

Aziraphale looked up, and the corners of his eyes crinkled as he beamed. “Crowley! Hello, my dear. I was wondering how long it would take you to pick the lock.”

“You were…” Crowley paused, gaping at the angel. “You were watching me? What’re you even doing here?”

“In answer to your first question, I was indeed watching you. I considered providing assistance, but you looked like you were having an awful lot of fun.” Aziraphale ate another bite of his pretzel. “You were swearing quite enthusiastically at the lock.”

“Nnnh.” Crowley crammed his hands in his pockets and sauntered closer, tilting his head curiously. “Hold up, you know how to pick locks? Since when?”

“Oh, for a few centuries. Sometimes there’s a, er, lovely little book that needs to be liberated from behind locked doors.” A faint hint of pink crept into Aziraphale’s cheeks. “And sometimes, my miracle allotment is a bit low when I happen across one. I decided that multiple methods would be ideal. And you?”

“Just recently. Although for me, it’s more because…” Crowley winced, his own cheeks heating up. Aziraphale looked at him curiously. “Because it’s something James Bond would know how to do.”

Aziraphale’s smile brightened even more, and he dusted salt off his fingers before standing. “Ah, of course. I ought to have known.”

“Hn.” Still a little embarrassed, Crowley strolled over to one of the food places and liberated a bottle of soda. “Wanna Coca-Cola?”

“Ooh. Why not?” Aziraphale collected his rubbish and threw it away, then came to Crowley’s side and held out his hand for a bottle. “I don’t believe I answered your second question. I’m here because I’ve been sent to influence the same politician you were.”

“Oh!” Crowley said, thrilled. “Terrific. That means I can stop talking to the bastard.”

“Mhm. I know I could have simply called you, but I thought it would fun to take a little outing and come visit you.” Expression shy but eyes twinkling, Aziraphale held out his hand.

Crowley took it, and they strolled through the empty mall together. Past all the little restaurants, toy stores, arcades. On his own, Crowley would have killed some time in the arcade, delighting in all the beeps and flashing lights.

But just being with Aziraphale was a million times more exciting than beeps, flashing lights, or anything else. Crowley’s earlier loneliness vanished and he grinned at the angel beside him. “I really like these places at night. Peaceful, eh?”

“Very much so. In a way, these sorts of spots seem to be, well… in between everything else. Their own little world.” Aziraphale gestured with his soda. “It’s quite a relief, isn’t it? Our world is so starkly divided.”

“Opposite Sides and all that,” Crowley said softly. He pulled Aziraphale to a stop outside one of the darkened doorways and gazed into eager hazel eyes. “None of that here, is there? We’re just in between.”

“Yes, rather.” Aziraphale swallowed hard, gaze drifting to Crowley’s lips. “One might even think that certain things aren’t forbidden, in a space like this.”

“Yeah. It does feel like that, doesn’t it?” Crowley asked, leaning in.

He kissed Aziraphale gently, taking advantage of the shadowed halls and locked doors. In the real world, they had to be constantly mindful of what lines could and couldn’t be crossed. Here, there were no lines. Just them.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Dog Dean Afternoon: Part One

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2k

Warnings: canon angst and violence

Summary: Something was taken from you, something so precious a mother should never have to lose. Then, you found something you’ve been searching for ever since your little angel was taken from you. Is this a new beginning or a fire waiting to burn?

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated.

x

The war room is silent except for Zeus' breathing. He is sitting by your side with his head perched in your lap. You're mindlessly petting his head with the occasional ear scratch. He looks up at you and tries to read your expression as if he could talk to you about it. Instead, he backs off you and jumps up so his face is next to yours. He licks your cheek twice, and you come back to reality.

"Hey, baby. I'm okay," you sigh and kiss his head a couple of times.

Maryann is six months old, and that would have meant Robert would have been six months. The hole where he should have been is still open and raw, but you're trying with each passing day to make it better. You can go inside his room and sit there in silence without having a complete breakdown, but it still hurts to think about him.

He could have had a life. He was supposed to live. Amara hasn't been present in your head or in your dreams since he died. It's hard to ever think about moving on, but maybe one day you will. Maybe one day you'll think of him and smile instead of cry.

Will you ever have a son?

"Are you okay?"

You look up and see Sam standing in the doorframe between the war room and the library. Zeus gets down and takes a seat to stay by your side. He rests his head on your lap, and you go back to petting his head.

"Yeah. Just thinking about Robert. I'm okay, though," you sigh softly.

"I miss him too," he says and takes a seat next to you.

Dean comes back from the hallway where Sam's room is since he got Kevin back from yet another weekend away to himself. Kevin deserves these breaks, but he's always getting hammered. Dean gave him the perfect hangover drink to sleep off the rest of the day.

"Man, that kid is gonna kill himself," Dean groans and sits down at the table.

"He'll be fine. I got something that's gonna get us back on the road."

"Are you sure you're ready for that?" you ask carefully.

"Why would I not be ready for that?"

"Aren't you kind of running on empty?"

"Yeah, but the last three nights straight, I had eight hours of shut-eye. For a hunter, that's like twenty. Trust me, Dean. I feel good."

"Well, that's great and all, James Brown, but you're still recovering from the trials. I think you ought to pace yourself, you know? I just want you back to your old self."

"I am, Dean. Look, Kevin's back on the heaven spell. Crowley's locked up. We should be out there doing what we do best." Dean still looks unsure, but only you know why. "You want to listen at least? A taxidermist named Max Alexander was mysteriously crushed to death. Nearly every joint in his body was dislocated with every bone broken. The poor guy is a human pretzel. You tell me what's got that kind of strength."

"A demonic luchador?" he jokes.

"The shop's a couple of hours away in Enid, Oklahoma. We should at least check it out. Unless there's some reason you think we shouldn't."

"I think Zeus should come with us. We're always keeping him here. What do you say, Zeus? You want to hunt with us?" He barks once, and you've decided on it. "Go get Joanna."

He perks up and runs out of the war room to grab Joanna.

"The Impala isn't big enough for everyone," Dean sighs.

"Then I guess it's time to take that family car I saw," you grin.

Dean isn't keen on leaving the Impala behind, but he'll be fine without it for a week. Once the kids are ready, you strap them into the back seat, leaving one seat for you. Sam and Dean pile into the front, and you move the back seat forward so Zeus can hop into the third back seat. This is perfect for your ever-growing family.

Sam was right; Enid, Oklahoma is only a few hours away from the Bunker. When you get there, you see the stuffed animals in the window. You're already creeped out by it, but you try not to think about it. You take Joanna out first before unhooking Maryann. You use the stroller for her since it's easier than carrying her. Joanna holds onto the stroller with one hand and holds her doll in the other. Zeus hops out without a leash because you know he will stay by your side and come when you call.

There is a sign outside the store that says "Mounted Treasure Taxidermy. Shipping & Receiving. Ext 1967" as well as "DIE SCUM" written in red paint. The painted "M" is a symbol of a dog's paw print in an inverted triangle. Sam thinks this is interesting enough to snap a photo of it, and then you three head inside.

"Well, the creep factor just skyrocketed," Dean mutters.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," the sheriff of this town holds up his hands to stop you.

"How are you? We're agents Michaels, Deville, and Rockett," Sam says, and all three of you flash your badges.

"This is no place for children," he says and looks at your little ones.

"And this is no place for your opinion," you say coldly. "Why don't you get on with the damn case?"

"The body's already been to the morgue," he sighs. "We're just wrapping it up with Dave Stephens. He's the one who discovered the body. It's such a shame. I used to go hunting with Max. He was a really good egg."

"We're sorry for your loss," Sam clears his throat.

"Do you mind showing my partner around? We just got a couple of questions for Mr. Stephens."

"Okay. Come on."

The Sheriff takes Sam off to the side, leaving you and Dean alone.

"That was hot, by the way," Dean whispers to you as he passes by you. All you can do is smirk and follow him. "Dave Stephens?"

"I just have a couple of questions for you if that's alright."

"I'll tell you whatever you need to know. Max was a real pal," Dave sighs sadly.

"Was he a hunting buddy?"

Zeus sniffs the ground and wanders off, but you call his name once. He immediately walks back to your side and sits down knowing he needs to be here next to you.

"Yeah, he was."

"What time did you discover the body?"

"About 9 am which is my usual pickup time. I come in every Wednesday and Sunday to collect the animal organs after Max would dig them out and worked his magic. He was a real artist, you know? Strange thing is, though, the bins were empty this morning."

"Why is that strange?" you ask.

"Well, because it's Sunday. Weekend hunts are pretty much a given in this neck of the woods, so they're usually chock-full of guts."

"Right. Is there any chance Max could have cleaned them out himself?"

"No, it's a biohazard. You can't just throw the stuff out. You have to burn it."

"Is there anything else missing from the shop?" Dean asks the Sheriff once he comes back with Sam.

"No. The register was full and the safe was intact. All of Max's trophies were still on the walls."

"Was there anyone else here when you showed up?" you ask Dave.

"No one besides The Colonel."

Right behind you is a German Shepherd who is getting a leash hooked onto his collar. He must have been Max's companion, and now that Max is dead, the dog is being taken to the shelter.

"Thank you. Excuse us." You three walk away from the two men just as the Colonel was being taken out to the car. "Okay, so we got a thief who's jonesing for animal parts, we got a pagan symbol, and we got a human pretzel."

"It sounds very witchy, but I wasn't able to find a hex bag."

"Alright, let's keep digging, but not here. I don't like the way that one's looking at me," Dean whispers as he stares at a taxidermied owl.

It's not hard to get a motel room around these parts, and as soon as you pay for it, Dean and Sam set up shop. Sam takes out his laptop, Dean takes out some books he grabbed from the library, and you set up some of Joanna's new toys she got for her birthday. Maryann crawls over to Joanna and touches her toys, but she doesn't seem to mind. Zeus lays next to the girls just watching them play.

"Okay, that symbol in the graffiti isn't Wiccan. It's copywritten from a local animal-rights group which is Enid's answer to PETA."

Sam turns the laptop to show you their PETA slogan, which is S.N.A.R.T: Showing No Animal Rough Treatment.

"You gotta be kidding me," Dean rolls his eyes.

"It makes sense that an animal-rights group would have an axe to grind with a taxidermist," you shrug.

"Why? The animal's already dead.

"True, but hunters are what keep them in business. Now the question is, are those bleeding hearts actually witches or just hippies?"

"What's the difference?"

"They advocate for a vegan bakery that's in town. Two of the members own that place."

"Nothing is worse than a vegan," you groan. "All they do is try and push their lifestyle onto non-vegans. Like damn, let me eat my meat in peace."

You get the car packed up with everyone before heading over to the vegan bakery. Since they are members of a wannabe PETA organization, they are more than okay with you bringing in Zeus. This time, you do have a leash to keep the peace.

"I always knew I'd find the source of all evil at a vegan bakery," Dean shudders. "What's that smell?" Dean looks at the menu and grimaces. "Patchouli mixed with depression from meat deprivation." There are two workers behind the counter serving and making drinks, but they have sunglasses on. "You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people, and douchebags."

You three walk to the counter, and as soon they notice your dog, the woman smiles in glee. Well, that answers the blind question.

"You have a beautiful dog. Would he like a vegan pup cup? They're very delicious."

Like hell you're putting Zeus through that. He has a steady diet of raw meats and flavorful supplements to keep him healthy.

"No, thank you. I appreciate it, though."

"Are you two Olivia and Dylan Camrose?" Dean asks.

"At your service," Olivia gleams.

"Are you two members of S.N.A.R.T.?"

"Founders and co-presidents, actually. Uh, can we interest you in some literature?"

Olivia holds up a S.N.A.R.T brochure, but Sam shakes his head politely.

"Or maybe a flaxseed scone? It's wheat-free, gluten-free, sugar-free, and surprisingly moist."

"Let me stop you right there," Dean takes out his badge to show them. "We're here to investigate the death of Max Alexander, a local taxidermist."

"He's dead?" Dylan gasps.

"Did you know him?"

"Kind of. This is a small town."

"Well, he was murdered last night, and a S.N.A.R.T. logo was found at the crime scene. You two wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"

Olivia and Dylan look at each other, and you know they know something about what's going on. They have one of their employees take over at the counter so they can talk to you off to the side. You follow them to an empty table, and they start to spill immediately.

"His business is funded by hunters, and you know how hunters are. They're selfish dicks who define themselves by what they kill." You can't help but let out a small snicker, but Dean gently kicks you under the table. "As animal advocates, we couldn't stand for that."

"So, you killed him?"

"Of course not. S.N.A.R.T. doesn't tolerate violence."

"This coming from a couple who spray-paints death threats."

"It was a scare tactic. We just wanted to spook him," Dylan defends himself. "Turns out we were the ones who got spooked."

"What does that mean?" you ask.

"Well, last night, when we were tagging the joint, we heard this noise. A hissing noise. It freaked us out, so we ran out into the alley."

"Someone attacked us," Olivia sighs, "and sprayed us in the eyes with mace."

Both of them take off their sunglasses to show their irritated and red eyes. They look so guilty for what they did, and you know Dean feels bad for calling them douchebags.

"It's not like we could go to the cops, and now we look like total douchebags because we have to wear our sunglasses inside."

"Thank you for your time. I hope you feel better."

There is nothing more Olivia and Dylan can give you, so you head back to the motel room. It's time for your kids' naps anyway.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[midnightmah07]

Imagine if instead of Perse and Rigel meeting at the entrance ceremony

She met him when going to complain to Crowley, and saw him parading around Crowley's desk, blowing a trumpet at the top of his lungs, and Crowley just looks like he wants to die or turn that trumpet into a pretzel

Or Rigel wakes her up by hanging over her bed and blows a trumpet at her

She would either close the door very slowly and pretend she didn't see anything or confiscate/break the trumpet if imma be honest

[pearwaldorf]

Look, I'm not talking shit about that 16K word glurge about S2 just because OP is my icon twin but it certainly does not help.

I have not watched the last episode yet. It is entirely possible it could make me do an about-face on the entire season but I feel it is deeply unlikely.

It still feels like it's trying to do too much and succeeds at very little. If you're going to do the silly fanfic tropes you gotta lean into it with your whole bussy, not this half-assed referencing of Austen for both Maggie/Nina and Aziraphale/Crowley. I am absolutely the target audience for this bullshit! This is such a low fucking bar! How do you manage to biff it this terribly when I am rooting for you??

The sheer Johnlock Conspiracy vibes that fucking post gives off. (Not in terms of "is it canonical", but rather "there is an actual plan".) Sometimes art made within the constraints of capitalism just fucking sucks. You don't need to write 16,000 words about it so you can pretzel yourself into believing Neil Gaiman isn't doing this partially because Amazon offered him a fuckton of money. Babe, sometimes it's really not that deep.

Also, as a fan, one must internalize that canon is a trash pile. Not in terms of quality necessarily (although sometimes this is true), but as a thing one sorts through to decide whether it sparks joy. This is especially important for things with decades of contradictory lore like comics, Star Wars, or Doctor Who.

And sometimes you really do know a character better than a creator. I do not believe this is a particularly arrogant position to hold, especially when they obviously take up more space in your head. (Like, Crowley has never been objectively cool in his life. He is to Aziraphale, and that's what truly matters, but he's really really not.)

--

There was something with Crowley and Jim/Gabriel. I wish they'd tugged on that thread more. Jim is not Gabriel (at least he doesn't seem to want to be, and not just because brain hurty) and that changes things for everybody. Or at least it should.

I really don't want to write fic about this season. But god, there is so much stuff that needs to be unfucked and remediated, and unfortunately sometimes this is where I camp out.

[vintage-bentley]

idk how familiar you are with the 1992 shitscript cuz i know some parts are released some arent but for some reason there has been at least in my corner of twitter this huge rise of neil apologia about it and like writing a bad movie script isnt a moral failing but these people are twisting themselves into pretzels trying to make a martyr out of him for writing a pretty bad movie script with a borderline abusive crowley lmfao i love the twitter fandom so much 0 reading comprehention all around

Oh I am VERY familiar lol, I refuse to forget it.

I will never forget how fun the fandom was when it leaked. I distinctly remember a flood of fanfic where book, show, and radio Crowley teamed up to beat movie Crowley up. People were shitting on him left and right. And then Neil went “this makes me very sad” and instead of laughing at him, people just called the party off??? All the Neil bootlicking is so embarrassing lol. Same thing with EVERY.

I can accept that some of the script probably was out of pressure from Big Movie Industry™️, like I can see how they’d want Crowley to own a nightclub instead of being unemployed for example. But I don’t see how they’d be like “hey Neil, you HAVE to have Crowley tell Aziraphale that he doesn’t deserve to live. Or else we won’t make this happen. Just make Crowley cruel that’s our request”

I think the fandom needs to learn that sometimes you just need to point and laugh.