#crowley and castiel carry this damn show

[jeffmagnumoffical]

god bless andrew dabb for giving us road trip

[lucidlivi]

Never Been You

Requested: @hzllxhoundxx

Everything Tag List: @jc-winchester @mrsjenniferwinchester @perpetualabsurdity @antisocialcorrupt @heavenlyackles @anixiiee @jackles010378 @suckitands33 @deans-spinster-witch @k-slla @alternativeprincess @spnbaby-67 (if you'd like added to my everything tag list, please indicate by saying "please tag me in everything Jensen/Dean")

Warnings: Angst, Demon Dean, Kidnapping, Violence, Mature Themes, Demon Dean Being an Absolute Dick

Following S10 E2, S10 E3 (of course with my twist!)

I got carried away so this is a hella long one for you guys!

"you need to get to Beulah North Dakota now!" I rushed out to Castiel who was on the other end of the phone call.

"I do?"

"yes, Crowley and Dean were there, we have to pick up their trail."

I looked over to see Sam in the truck hunched over in pain.

"good, great."

I felt the emotions wash over me for what felt like the thousandth time since seeing the footage of Dean, our Dean, sporting black eyes. Castiel has no idea.

"Not exactly, Cas, Dean's a Demon." I said feeling the unshed tears slip from my eyes.

"Dean's a Demon? How?"

"It's the mark Cas, it messed him up, I don't know." I cried.

"that's a vast understatement." Castiel grumbled.

"look Cas, I know you're not feeling so hot right now, but I need you, it’s sort of an all hands on deck situation, so…"

"so I'll be there."

I hopped back in the truck I had rescued Sam in and continued to drive to North Dakota. I played through every scenario in mind of how this could go, and none of them ended well.

I needed to find Dean, I needed to help him.

"I got a lead, disturbance at a night club, a rowdy patron beat a security guard senseless. It sounds like a demon thing to do." Sam said looking at his phone.

"I guess let's check it out then."

It was still daytime when we were pulling up to the strip club.

Of course Dean would end up here.

"think that's the guy?" I asked Sam, looking at a muscular security guard who was wearing a sling identical to Sam's and had two black eyes.

"I would say it's a safe bet."

I stopped the truck hopping out, followed by Sam.

"excuse me sir, is this the guy who attacked you last night?" Sam asked straight forward, showing a picture of Dean.

"that's the guy, I called 911 but he was gone before they showed up."

Damn.

I didn't expect him to still be here, but it felt like a blow to the gut to actually hear it.

"that dude get to you too?" He asked Sam referencing his sling.

"uh no, this uh is just a hunting accident." Sam responded.

"would you do us a favor, if this guy shows back up, please give us a call." I said producing a fake FBI business card with my number on it.

"you bet."

"thanks."

I ran a hand through my hair with a huff before getting back in the truck.

"what now?" I asked, feeling the tears prick at my eyes again.

I couldn't bare the thought of Dean actually being a demon.

"I don't know." Sam said in defeat.

I drove the truck to a nearby motel, renting us a room. Sam had been through hell, he needed to rest. I helped him lay down on the bed, noticing his eyes get instantly heavy.

"I'll be right back, I'm just going to get something out of the truck." I told him, rushing outside.

As soon as I stepped outside, I heard a voice that made my blood boil with anger.

"hello there love."

I turned around to see Crowley with a smirk on his face.

"did ya miss me?"

I huffed in anger, reaching behind me to pull a blade from my belt loop.

"oh so much." I growled.

"easy now, I know you're here for Dean, and I'm here to give him to you."

Is this a trick?

I could never truly trust Crowley.

"I don't understand."

"you see he's bad for business, he's.. he's become uncontrollable, must be the mark.." Crowley trails off with a smirk.

"anywho Dean's your problem now, again, forever." Crowley added.

"then where the hell is he?" I snapped, not being able to contain my anger towards the king of hell.

"ah ah, first there's a small matter of my finders fee."

"nothing ever comes free with you, wouldn't have expected anything less."

****************************************************

I hesitantly walk in to the bar not knowing what to expect. I didn't even tell Sam where I was going. I knew he didn't have the strength to fight, and I didn't want him to get hurt.

"hiya angel." Dean said looking up at me with a smirk.

I felt my breathing get heavy as I looked at him. It was Dean in the flesh, but this thing was so far from Dean. Dean was brave, he was kind, Dean cared.

"I told you to let me go." Dean said picking up his glass of whiskey and sipping it.

"you know I can't do that Dean."

He smirked, taking another sip.

"by the way, your pal Crowley, he sold you out, didn't take him much." I said stepping a bit closer.

"sounds like him."

"Dean, we can cure demons, don't you remember that?" I asked taking another step closer.

Dean picked up the first blade, walking past me in a threatening manner.

"a little latin, lot of blood, yeah it rings a bell. but did you ever stop to think that if I wanted to be cured, I wouldn't have bailed."

"Dean that was Crowley, you don't know what you're doing."

"that's what you think." Dean said pouring himself another glass of whiskey.

"well it doesn't matter Dean, whatever happened, whatever went down, we will fix it." I said cautiously taking another step towards him.

"Oh will we? Meanwhile I'm doing all I can to not come over there and rip your throat out."

"Dean you don't mean that."

"I'm giving you a chance to run sweetheart, better take it." Dean threatened.

"I'll pass." I said quickly.

“I'm not walking out that door with you, I'm just not, so what are you going to do angel, huh? Are you going to kill me?" Dean asked.

I felt a chill run down my spine at the way he called me angel. It was laced with venom.

"I didn't come here to kill you."

"why? you have no idea what I've done, in fact I might have it coming."

"I don't care Dean, you're my best friend, and I'm here to take you home. I'm here to save you."

I wanted to admit so much more to him.

I wanted to tell him that it's because I was in love with him and couldn't imagine my life without him in it. I was worried now that I wouldn't get the chance too.

I heard Dean start to chuckle.

"save me? why would you want to save me? it's never been you, you know." Dean said taking a sip.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Dean got up sauntering his way over to me. I instinctively took a step back, not trusting him. I soon found out though, the more distance I tried to put between us the closer he got. I raised my hand up putting it on his chest to stop him from getting any closer.

Dean smirked at me before twisting my arm and bringing his hand up to my throat. He pinned me to the wall a twisted look in his eyes. I felt a chill run down my spine, he was getting pleasure out of this.

"I see the way you look at me, the way you lust for me, you want me." Dean smirked.

I glared at him, trying to turn my face away, his hold on my throat getting tighter.

"you don't want to kill me because you're in love with me, and you have been for quite some time, haven't you?"

I couldn't speak, Dean's hold on me was too tight. I furrowed my eyebrows as if to convey he wasn't right, even though he was.

"and its never been you for me.. you see while you've been trying to find me, trying to save me, i've been fucking everything with a heartbeat." Dean growled.

I could feel the tears brim my eyes as his words cut in to me. I knew he was just trying to hurt me, but part of me wondered if that's how Dean actually felt.

He let go of my throat, shoving me to the floor. I instantly stood back up taking out the handcuffs from my back pocket.

"you really think those are going to work sweetheart?" Dean asked with a smirk.

"well there's one way to find out."

As I took a step forward, the window shattered and the entire room started filling with smoke. I looked to my left to see someone had threw a smoke grenade. I felt the air rush from my lungs as I breathed in the smoke. I put my shirt over my mouth and nose, trying to find an exit. I started to cough, as my vision got blurry.

I finally found the emergency exit, pushing it open. I saw the silhouette of a man on the other side as I collapsed from smoke inhalation. He struck me across the face hard, causing me to fall back to the ground, hitting my head in the process.

I was seeing stars as I sat clutching my bleeding head. Dean came out glaring the man down. I heard them exchange some words, but couldn't make out exactly what they were saying.

I noticed myself start to slip in and out of consciousness.

I saw them start to fight, Dean clearly having the upper hand.

I felt like my head was on fire, as I glanced up seeing Dean holding the first blade to the guys neck. He was going to kill him. I was surprised when he dropped him, tucking the blade back in to his pocket. I tried to muster up any strength I could to get up, but my body was betraying me. Dean walked over to me, a sick grin etched on to his face as he swayed his hips.

"Dean please." I choked out.

"time to sleep now baby."

Dean raised his hand striking me, and that's the last thing I remember before my world went dark.

****************************************************

I was in agonizing pain as I fluttered my eyelashes open. I panicked as I couldn't move my body. I looked down to see my arms and legs were bound to a wooden chair. I gathered from my surroundings that I was in some kind of warehouse, but I didn't recognize where.

"oh good, you're awake."

Dean came over crouching in front of me so we were eye level.

"let me go." I growled.

"can't do that angel." He said caressing my cheek.

I quickly moved my head away, causing his hand to fall.

"you don't want to provoke me." Dean growled.

"or what? you're going to kill me?"

Dean gave a sickly sweet smile. He leaned in close whispering in my ear.

"or you're going to wish you were dead."

"I'm not scared of you Dean." I snapped.

Dean lets out a chuckle, standing to his feet.

"I knew there was a reason I liked you so much, feisty little thing."

"why don't you let me out of these ropes and I'll show you just how feisty I can be."

Dean chuckled again, grabbing a bottle of whiskey taking a sip.

"I don't even know why I'm talking to you, this isn't even the real you." I scoffed.

"oh it's the real me alright, the new real me, the me who sees things for what they actually are."

I scoffed again rolling my eyes at his words.

"hunters, do-gooders, fighting the natural order, well let me tell you something sweetheart people like me, we are the natural order."

"yeah well people like me still gotta do what we can." I growled.

Dean smirked as he crouched back down to my eye level.

"oh don't be so full of yourself baby, cause you see from where I'm sitting, there ain't much difference from what I turned in to, to what you already are." Dean smirked.

"and what is that supposed to mean?" I growled.

Dean took one hand resting on my cheek, the other on the back of my neck so I couldn't move away from him again.

"I know what you did when you went looking for me, how far you went." Dean whispered, dangerously close to my face.

I felt the guilt sink back in.

I just kept telling myself I did what I had to in order to find Dean. I felt my breathing quicken as Dean came in closer, practically brushing his lips against mine.

"so let me ask you baby, which one of us is really the monster?"

I felt the tears brimming my lashes as Dean stared at me. Dean smirked as he stood back up.

"Now you and Sammy were trying to get a twenty on Crowley and me from any demon you could snag, but Crowley didn't want to be found, and no one showed when you summoned. But you my angel, you found your own way didn't you?"

I was ridden with guilt as I remembered how I tricked Lester in to summoning a demon to make a deal.

"You would've liked to have gotten there before the deal went down but you didn't really care about poor ol' Lester did you? Oh and just so you know, I uh killed Lester myself." Dean smirked as if it were funny.

"I never meant.." I started to choke out but Dean cut me off.

"who cares what you meant, that line that we thought was so clear between us and the things we hunted, ain't so clear is it?" Dean yelled.

I bit my lip to stop the tears from falling.

"wow, you know, you might actually be worse then me. I mean you took a guy at his lowest, used him, and it cost him his life and his soul, nice work baby." Dean said crouching back down.

I spit in his face, the anger I was feeling towards him boiling over. Dean angrily wiped his face off with the hem of his shirt.

"there's no point in trying to bring your best friend back now." Dean growled.

"oh I’ll bring him back, if it's the last thing I do." I growled.

"In fact, your uh guilt ridden, weight-of-the-world best friend, has been M.I.A. for quite some time now. I have to say though, I'm loving the new model, lean, mean, Dean."

I rolled my eyes turning my head away from him.

"I can't believe you're still trying! I mean, I couldn't wait to get away from you. I chose the king of hell over you! I guess I was just tired of having to coddle you, always having to yank your ass out of the fire. Do you ever stop to think that just your very existence sucks the life out of my life?" Dean said.

I could feel the tears run down my cheeks as he spoke.

"this isn't my best friend talking, he would never say those things." I spoke, more for my benefit than for his.

"you never had a best friend, just an excuse for wimping out, and guess what angel, I quit."

"no, you don't get to quit, we don't quit, okay you and me Dean we're bonded whether you like it or not, and this bond is all that we've got." I cried.

"well then we've got nothing." Dean smirked.

I looked down at the floor, praying that Sam had noticed I was gone. I was praying to Castiel to come find me. I knew if it came down to it, I couldn't kill Dean, even if it meant he'd kill me. I was praying for another solution.

I heard the door open and the sound of heeled footsteps against the floor.

"you brought us a play thing?"

I looked up to see a female, she wore black eyes similar to Deans.

"not us, mine." Dean growled at the girl who took a step closer to me.

"but I want to play too." she smirked coming over to me, brushing a piece of hair off my bare shoulder.

I shivered at her touch, trying to move away with what limited space I had.

"I said no." Dean growled.

I glanced up meeting Dean's eyes and for a second, just a second, I could see he wasn't totally gone.

"have you gone soft on us Winchester?"

"ha, not even, but you see that one's kind of a special project of mine, and I want to kill her myself." Dean smirked staring at me.

"okay, then I won't kill her."

As she said this, she shoved the chair back, causing me to hit my head on the concrete below. I grunted as the air was knocked out of my lungs.

"I'll just hurt her." she laughed.

"Dean please." I pleaded, struggling to breathe.

"Dean's gone." the woman whispered, running a hand through my hair.

"Dean I know you're in there. I'm begging you. I always rely on you because I know I can. Dean you're the most selfless person I know. I know that somewhere inside you still care. I know you don't want to hurt me Dean." I cried.

As I was putting on my show, I managed to wiggle one of my arms free. I reached around to grab my blade that was hidden in my belt loop, but I didn't feel anything.

"are you looking for this?" she smirked, inspecting the demon blade.

"go back to hell where you belong." I snapped.

"nice show, even almost had me fooled for a second." I heard her laugh.

She held the blade to my cheek. I could feel my breathing quicken as she ran the blade down my cheek towards my neck. She pressed in just enough to draw a small trickle of blood. I looked past her to try to reason with Dean again but I didn't see him.

I suddenly felt blood splatter on my face. It was coming from the woman's mouth as Dean plunged the first blade deeper in to her spine. I watched the life leave her eyes in an instant. Dean grunted as he ripped the blade out, her now lifeless body slumping over my own. He threw her body off of me, picking the chair back up.

He started to pace around the room as if he wasn’t sure what just happened.

"look what you made me do!" Dean yelled.

"Dean, let me go, and then I can help you." I whimpered weakly.

Dean glared at me, his eyes going black before flashing back to his normal green ones. Dean growled, opening the door to the room before slamming it shut leaving me alone.

I had to get out of here. I noticed my blade still on the ground, just a few feet from where I sat. If I can get to it, I can cut myself free.

I leaned over as far as I could, causing the chair to tip over sideways. I once again smacked my head on the concrete as I fell. I groaned at the impact but shook it off, using my free arm to pull myself closer to the knife. I reached out my arm, my fingers just barely grazing the handle.

"come on!" I exclaimed, trying to grip it again.

I finally managed to wrap my fingers around the handle of the blade. I breathed a momentary sigh of relief, cutting my other arm free from the ropes than cutting my ankles free. I stood up weakly looking for an exit. I took my sleeve, wiping the blood off my face.

I wasn't sure how much of it was hers, and how much of it was my own.

I finally saw a red exit sign. I mustered up all my strength sprinting over to it. I put my hand on the door, but suddenly stopped.

I couldn't leave him.

I wouldn't.

I was debating with myself when I heard a loud growl. Dean must've come back and noticed I was gone.

"you're coming home whether you like it or not." I whispered, running through the warehouse.

I could hear Dean walking after me, opening doors as he went. It was eery how calm he walked.

"come on baby, don't you want to hang out with me, spend a little quality time." Dean yelled.

I quieted my breathing as I found the keys to the electrical room. I moved quietly against the walls towards the room.

I heard Dean kick down some doors, growling every time I wasn't behind one of them. I managed to get to the electrical room. I fumbled with the keys trying to unlock the door.

"fuck" I muttered in frustration.

I finally got in, and immediately pulled every switch I could, killing the power.

"that's smart angel, but now I know where to find you." Dean growled as he rushed towards where I was.

I hid against the wall waiting for him. I heard him enter quietly, looking around for me.

"come on out angel, you're just making things worse for yourself." Dean growled.

I rushed over to the door, just as Dean threw the switches back, restarting the power.

"now this is me yanking your ass out of the fire." I spit slamming the door and locking him inside.

I heard Dean chuckle.

"this is your big plan, locking me in?"

"Dean, just please come with me and we can cure you." I said holding out my demon blade.

It was completely silent.

"Dean?"

I jumped in fright as Dean banged on the door, slowly splitting the wood.

"you act like I wanna be cured, personally I like the disease." Dean growled, using a hammer he found to break the door down.

"Dean stop! I don't want to use this blade on you!" I yelled holding it out further in front of my body.

"that sucks for you doesn't it angel, cause you really mean that." Dean smirked, hitting the door with the hammer again.

"Dean if you come out of that room, I won't have a choice." I whimpered, choking back tears.

"oh sure you will, and I know which one you'll make, isn't that right baby?" Dean growled smacking the door harder.

I knew the door wouldn't hold him much longer.

"I'm lucky though, cause there's just enough demon left in me that killing you, ain't gonna be a choice at all." Dean growled continuing to break the door down.

I felt the tears streaming down my face at this point. I could see the door giving way. I turned around sprinting away before it broke completely. I heard one last loud bang before the door gave way. Dean's heavy footsteps were once again behind me.

"come on angel, lets kiss and make up. I'm tired of playing let's finish this game." Dean growled.

I leaned against the wall taking a deep breath. I didn't have the strength to continue. I knew I was no match for him.

I glanced down the corridor where I thought Dean was coming from. I didn't see him though.

I turned around just in time to see a hammer flying towards my head. I ducked quickly, pushing my demon blade against Dean's throat. I could hear Dean chuckle as he looked at me, raising his hands in mock surrender.

"well, well look at you baby, go on do it." Dean growled leaning in to the knife.

I felt the tears cloud my vision as I slowly dropped the knife.

I couldn't kill him.

I watched as Dean's eyes went black. He gripped my throat throwing me against the wall before slamming me on the ground. I watched him take out the first blade, bringing it above his head.

"Dean I love you."

I closed my eyes, waiting for death to come.

But it didn't.

I opened my eyes to see Dean growling, as if he was fighting an inner battle with himself, a battle for his soul. I caught sight of Castiel sneaking up behind Dean, wrapping him in his arms. Dean growled, trying to get out of his grasp.

"Dean it's over." Cas said his eyes flashing their beautiful blue.

Dean collapsed in CastieI's arms, before I slapped the demon cuffs on him. I felt myself relax as I saw Sam rushing to my side.

****************************************************

"I'll meet you guys soon, just one thing left to do." I said holding the first blade in my hand.

"Be careful." Sam said placing a kiss on my forehead.

I gave him a nod, watching him get in the impala with Castiel and a still unconscious Dean. I sighed as they pulled away from me.

"you can stop hiding now." I called.

I saw Crowley emerge from the shadows, a smirk on his face as he eyed the blade.

"pleasure doing business with you." He spoke reaching his hand out.

I quickly pulled it out of his reach.

"what are you going to do with it?" I inquired.

"oh toss it in a volcano, leave it on the moon, i'll get creative." He laughed.

I hesitantly eyed him.

"believe me love, I don't want Dean getting his hands on the precious any more than you do. he knows I've ratted and he tends to hold a grudge....I don't want to get how you say boned."

I rolled my eyes at him.

"besides a deals a deal."

I huffed before handing the blade over to him.

"I hope you know this doesn't make us square, quite the opposite actually, I swear Crowley if I see you again.." I started but he cut me off.

"oh stop it love, no one likes a tease."

I glared at him one last time before hopping in the truck, starting the drive back to Kansas.

I felt like my head was going to explode from everything that had happened in such a short time. Dean's words replayed in my head on a continuous loop.

It wasn't him, I know that. It didn't make anything he said any less hurtful though.

It's never been you.

You see while you've been trying to find me, trying to save me, I've been fucking everything with a heartbeat.

Do you ever stop to think that just your very existence sucks the life out of my life?

I felt the tears cloud my vision, making the road harder to see. I pulled over to the side of the road and cried. I let out every emotion I'd been holding in.

I cried for Dean, I cried for what he went through. I cried for me. I cried for the strain that this was going to put on our relationship. I just cried.

I didn't know how long I'd been crying but I finally collected myself enough to start driving again. I knew that Sam and Castiel could handle Dean. I'm sure they were already back in Kansas, starting the purified blood cure on Dean.

I didn't even know if I was ready to face him again. I spilled my darkest secret to Dean, fearing that I would be dead and never having the chance to tell him.

Dean didn't kill me though.

He could have very easily, I didn't put up much of a fight.

But he didn't.

I was praying that maybe some part of him felt something for me too.

I managed to make the rest of the drive to Kansas. I pulled up to the bunker, hearing Dean growl as the demon was expelled from his body. I hesitantly walked over seeing him slumped over in a chair, much like I was hours ago. Sam injected another syringe of purified blood in to his arm.

"what the hell are we doing to him guys? I mean even after everything he said he didn't want to be cured, that he didn't want to be human." I spoke, feeling the tears that I was sure I had cried all out, start to rim my eyes once again.

"well, I can see his point, you know, only humans can feel real joy, but also such profound pain." Castiel said staring directly at me while talking about pain.

"I guess this is easier." Sam added.

I was about to respond when Dean groaned, trying to move. He raised his head, showing us his black eyes, before they returned to their shade of green.

Dean groaned hoarsely before exhaling a big breath. He looked at the three of us confused, as if everything was coming back to him.

"you look worried guys." Dean spoke up.

I could feel Dean's eyes stay on me. He stared at me intently. I just hoped I didn't look as broken as I felt.

Castiel, Sam, and I gave each other a look, all wondering the same thing. Was Dean back?

Sam uncapped the holy water throwing it on to Dean's face. I sighed with relief when he didn't have a reaction to it. Sam smiled at us. I was still a little apprehensive as was Castiel.

"Dean, we've missed you." Sam said.

Castiel and Sam unchained Dean, helping him to his feet. I felt like every word I wanted to say was stuck in my throat. Dean stared at me as the boys led him to his room. He was weak, the blood cure taking a lot out of him.

How was I even supposed to talk to him about this?

Castiel and Sam returned quickly after getting Dean settled.

"how's he doing?" I asked the boys.

"he's still a little out of it, but better. I mean I think the blood cure, all of it, it really wrecked him you know." Sam said giving me an apologetic look.

It was silent for a moment.

"on the plus side, he's hungry again so I'm going to go pick us up some food, you guys mind keeping an eye?" Sam added grabbing the keys to the impala.

I nodded my head as he walked out. Castiel was unnaturally quiet.

"what is it Cas?"

"one problem is solved, but one still remains. Dean is no longer a demon, that's true, but the mark of cain, that he still has, and sooner or later that's going to become an issue.”

I knew he was right, Castiel always was.

"one battle at a time Cas." I half smiled.

Castiel looked at me with a sad face. It was no use hiding my emotions from him because the angel always figured it out. Castiel stepped up, wrapping his arms around me in a hug. I felt a tear cascade down my cheek as I sunk in his embrace.

"I'm uh, going to get cleaned up." I whispered.

I felt every muscle in my body aching as I walked to the bathroom. I cringed when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I looked like hell.

I sported a hand shaped bruise around my throat, along with a cut from my knife. I had a gash on my head, and my face was still crimson colored from the blood. I could see various other bruises forming all over. I licked over my lip that was busted from being thrown against the wall by Dean.

I definitely looked as broken as I felt.

I sighed as I stepped in to the steady stream of water, the sound of the water slapping against my skin drowned out my sobs. I scrubbed my skin until it felt raw.

I got out wrapping the towel tightly around my body. I tiptoed past Deans room. I couldn't help my curiosity as I heard Dean and Castiel talking.

"thank you, for stepping in when you did... has uh she talked to you? what does she say, does she want anything to do with me?" Dean asked.

I could hear the hurt in his voice. It made me hurt more.

"I'm sure she knows whatever you said, whatever you did, that wasn't really you, I mean it certainly wasn't all of you." Castiel reassured.

"Cas, I tried to kill her. Did you see her? I did that! I can't take back the things I said Cas." Dean said.

"Dean I feel I can be honest with you. You two have been through so much together, you're bonded. It'll take a lot more than you trying to kill her with a hammer to get her to walk away." Castiel said.

"you realize how screwed up our lives are that, that even makes sense?" Dean says causing Cas to chuckle.

"I think you should talk to her, and then maybe you should uh take some time, allow both of you to heal."

I heard Castiel exit Dean's room, closing the door. He gave me a wordless look as he passed, signifying that his words were just as much meant for me as they were for Dean.

Castiel the wise.

Of course I couldn't walk away from Dean.

I sighed as I walked to my room, quickly throwing on some clothes. As soon as I lay in my soft bed, I realize how burnt out I was. I heard a soft knock on my door.

"yeah?" I called out hesitantly.

"it's me, the real me."

I felt the air get caught in my throat.

"come in."

Dean opened the door slowly. I could see the hurt flashing in his eyes at he looked at me. I sat up not meeting his eyes. Dean walked over, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"(y/n), I.."

"you don't have to apologize Dean, I know that wasn't you." I spoke.

"it doesn't make it any less shitty though." He said through gritted teeth.

"or hurt any less." I admitted.

Dean ran a hand through his hair in frustration. I could see that this was really hurting him.

"but you could've killed me, and you didn't, you saved me, you stopped yourself." I said finally meeting his eyes.

"I couldn't kill you. I feel for you too much, even as a demon." Dean whispered, hesitantly looking at me.

I felt my heart swell up at his words.

"what I said, it wasn't true." Dean said, sliding just a bit closer to my body.

"it's okay if part of it was, it's never been me and that's okay." I said feeling my heartache.

Dean looked at me as if I had three heads.

"never been you? It's always been you."

I felt the tears run down my cheeks as Dean put a hand up, caressing one of them.

"Dean I don't know how we move on from this." I cried.

"I don't know either, but we're going to do it, together, just like always."

I smiled at Dean for the first time.

"there's my Dean." I whispered.

Dean leaned in slowly, leaning his forehead against mine.

"did you mean what you said?" Dean asked hesitantly.

I gave him a confused look.

"that you love me, did you mean it?"

I swallowed nervously as I stared at him. I slowly nodded my head adverting my eyes from his gaze. Dean grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him.

I gasped as Dean crashed his lips on to mine. I was shocked so naturally I was still. Once my brain processed what was happening I pressed my lips against his, kissing him as if my life depended on it. He pulled away slowly, keeping his forehead pressed to mine.

“I love you too, I always have.” Dean spoke.

I felt the tears well in my eyes again, but these tears were different. These weren’t tears of sadness, they were tears of pure love.

Dean smiled as he reconnected our lips together in a heated kiss. It was lustful, neither one of use being able to contain the passion we had felt for each other for far too long.

Dean slid his hands under my shirt, gripping on to my hips as he deepened the kiss. I was so caught up in the moment I ignored my muscles screaming at me to stop. Dean brought my shirt over my head, breaking the kiss just long enough to do so. I felt insecure as my bare chest was now exposed for him. I panted as he brought his lips down to my neck gently kissing over the bruise.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart.” Dean said in between kisses.

I grabbed the hem of his shirt taking it off. I saw the mark of cain glistening on his forearm. I brought his arm to my lips, slowly kissing over the mark. Dean pushed me back on the bed so he was hovering over me. I gasped as his hands slid there way down my body to my shorts.

It was slow and passionate. I felt like my skin was on fire every time his fingertips met my skin. Dean dragged my shorts down my legs, his fingers brushing against my sensitive heat.

I wasted no time putting my hands in his pants yanking them down over his butt and down his legs. I was surprised to feel that he was already fully erect.

“do you want this?” Dean asked kissing my lips.

“more than i’ve ever wanted anything.”

Dean, with my consent slowly slid himself in to me. I groaned as my body adjusted to his large girth. He started to move at a slow pace, savoring the feeling of finally being together so intimately.

“It’s always been you.” Dean said as he thrusted deeply.

I don’t think either of us had the energy for the sex we really wanted to have but this sex was sweet, and full of love. I moaned as Dean picked up the pace, but still savoring the feeling of every thrust inside of me. I brought my hips up matching his thrusts. I was a moaning mess as we thrusted against each other, our lips crashing with each thrust.

“Dean” I moaned signifying that I was close.

Dean thrusted some more, softly but at a steady rhythm. I moaned one last time as I felt myself spilling over the edge. I was gripping him so hard, it cause him to release his arousal too. Dean’s body gave out as he collapsed beside me.

“hey guys I got the… oh god really Dean?” Sam said dropping the bag of food and covering his eyes.

I laughed at him, joined by Dean.

“not even back twenty four hours and this is how you’re spending your time.” Sam groaned in embarrassment.

“blame Cas, he’s the one that told us we should talk.” Dean laughed.

Sam backed out of my room, shutting the door behind him. I gazed at Dean but found out he was already staring at me.

“I didn’t save you, you saved me.” Dean whispered tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

“I’ll always save you Dean.”

“Always?”

“Always.”

Author Note:

I really hope you guys like it! If you feel so inclined please leave a heart, comment, reblog or a follow! I appreciate it!

[this-is-a-nice-show]

I adore any and all Supernatural and Good Omen crossovers because On one hand, you have a show comprised of at least 60% male brooding and emotional heart to hearts with jarring, nonsensical, violent plot points almost always with a devastating season finale.

And on the other hand, you have a show featuring an unlikely pairing who constantly bicker but also would die for each other in a heartbeat exclusively in the most stupid, chaotic, and unnecessary way possible.

They both have extremely established lore in their universes that do not line up whatsoever. My favourite part is someone trying to combine the lore or totally disregard the rules of these universes like a prophet who has heard whispers of the word of god/Chuck directly and is communicating their word to us. And they are beautifully creative every time. Every take is completely different on how the lore is combined and I'm still like "You're so damn right. Cheers, I'll drink to that."

But ignoring the biblical themes of both shows they have so many similarities...

A vintage car is kept in pristine condition and is almost exclusively the main method of transportation. "Get in the car, angel! Alpha Centuri!" - Crowley (2019, colourized). Okay, were you planning on driving to Alpha Centuri??? "Hop in the car, Sam. Time to go on our day-long road trip for the second time this week." For fucks sake, you have infinite money. Buy a plane ticket.

We listen to One Song. A Nightingale Sang in Berkley Square. Carry On My Wayward Son.

We will extend our musical selection To A Certain Extent. Queen only. No modern music.

Angst.

Weird Haircuts.

Zombies, Nazis, Witches. Unclear definition of what the capabilities of witches are in both universes. Dean killed Hitler, Crowley killed three nazis.

Female love interest? Ehhh... No, thank you.

Male love interest? Ehhh... No, thank you. I'm rolling with genderless Crowley/Aziraphale. But don't worry because Castiel is happiest when he says he loves Dean. If that doesn't say platonic male friendships, I don't know what does. /s

Dumbass Behaviour. "Yes, I am playing detective searching for Clues for Archangel Gabriel. No, I did not inspect the Clue that he showed up with." "Yes, I have many, many contacts throughout not just Earth but also Heaven and Hell. No, I will not contact anyone for help."

Pornography and Sex Workers.

Risking death and destruction for others. Crowley rescues Aziraphale in France, Aziraphale saves Crowley by getting the photo back from the Nazi zombies. In Supernatural wtf, where to start...

The line between 'good' and 'evil' is virtually nonexistent. However, humans are regarded as 'closer to evil than good' or 'more likely to be evil than good'.

Found Family. "Hey hellspawn, you want two dads? No? Well how about a Nanny and a Brother Francis?" & "Hellspawn #2, tell your dad to fuck off and then bing-bang-boom, adoption complete. Adopted parents are just parents." "Hey hellspawn, you want three dads? No-oh wait, you do? Great."

God/Chuck is treated as a neglectful parent. They still seem hopeful that they'll receive help at some point but understand that they are required to fend for themselves and that can include going up against god/Chuck. It is cannon in Supernatural that all beings project their daddy issues onto Chuck.

They drink an extraordinary amount of alcohol and can sober up quickly. Good Omens is self-explanatory. But I've never met a person who can shotgun four beers back-to-back and shoot dead center. They have to be sobering up in between these activities.

They only own One Outfit. Coat/trench coat, waistcoat (optional), tie/scarf (optional), one or more layered shirts, jeans/slacks, and shoes. And of course, you have the accessories. Dean's necklace and Aziraphale's ring + watch. And it is cannon that in Supernatural, the characters (not the actors playing the characters, but the actual characters) wear a full face of makeup. And you can see Crowley/Aziraphale's makeup. Their lip colour changes pretty frequently. The angels in Heaven wear gold lipstick iirc.

Both of their main 'bases' are filled with books. The bookstore (for obvious reasons) and the Winchester's bunker has their hunter's manuals and the fucking Supernatural books.

The actors that play the characters canonically exist in their universes as well as thier characters. Dr. Who exists in Good Omens -> David Tennent exists in Good Omens along with Crowley. There is an episode of Supernatural where the main 3 exist in the 'real world' -> those 3 actors also exist in Supernatural. (There are multiple episodes where this happens without Castiel, but there is only one where Misha Colins plays himself.)

The most glaring difference between the shows is: one is developed starting with the characters and one is developed starting with the plot. Sam and Dean are inserted into a plot that they had no control in creating. Their father placed them into situations, and they were forced to find a way to survive. Crowley and Aziraphale literally started the story. They should understand the concepts of anything that happens in the plot (to a certain extent). As in, unlike the Winchesters, they don't need to do copious amounts of reading to foil nefarious plans.

Dean, Sam, and Castiel are pessimistic and dismissive of help. Other beings have to prove themselves worthy of their trust and usually not the other way around. Crowley and Aziraphale are optimistic and see the good in humanity. They enjoy the simple everyday joys of being human and they had the trust of Hell/Heaven for 6,000 years, up until Michael found the pictures of the two on Earth.

But would Crowley/Aziraphale drink bargain bin beer? Go to the greasiest diner imaginable? Directly commit murder? Participate in hand-to-hand combat? Would the Winchesters/Castiel drink a fancy, expensive wine? Go to the Ritz? Analyze their thoughts from a different perspective? Read a book for fun?

NO, and that is why I love you fanfiction writers and artists. I appreciate everything you do. <3

Something a little sad under the cut

I think the reason why I haven't been able to see more fun? silly? (idk how to describe it) fan fiction of SPN without crossovers is because Good Omens has never made fun of its audience or belittled how much effort goes into making content. When you know that you're actively being mocked by the show you like, you have to be on your Best Behaviour and Don't Fuck Up.

I remember that they were upset that the show attracted an audience of teenage girls. They made multiple episodes making fun of cosplayers, what I can only describe as an "obsessive fan girl", and destiel.

It feels like the people involved in Good Omens actually care about it and give a shit and that feels like putting lotion on a sunburn. Y'know?

[vaicomcas]

Why I love 7x01 trailer scene

Did I mention how much I love the 7x01 trailer scene? I love it in a way that's directly proportional to how much I hate the TMWWBK ring of fire scene. But it is also more than that.

1)It was at once light and heavy. Their grand ill-fated history lurked in the background, yet their interactions were breezy and easy-going from the start--and this was all Crowley, who despite being the loser in the power struggle, despite the need to submit to Castiel to survive, acted like himself, smiling, flirting, playful and uninhibited. And although you see that he was not entirely happy about hell being downsized, his resignation was not bitter nor fake, but came from a place of real respect and acknowledgement of Castiel's power and Castiel's victory.

2) It was at once sweet and painful. Painful because Castiel was never more powerful than this moment, but also never more alone. In the previous episode he said "I have no family." His former friends feared and loathed him, wanted him dead. He had no true support in heaven (he had to kill thousands to maintain his rule; he was doing all his work by himself, no angels joined in his crusade to fix God's "mess"). Sweet because in these few minutes with the King of Hell, he got to have a genuinely relaxed and friendly interaction. Sweet because Crowley's antics made him smile. Sweet because he got to feel good about himself for once in his whole damn life.

3) However turbulent and violent their journey had been in Season 6, however surreal the circumstance of "meeting the new God" was, they got to have this peaceful, light-hearted banter with each other, they got to be themselves. They showed uncomplicated affection for each other. The weight of the world, of heaven and hell and earth, almost seem to be suspended for their moment.

4) But for me, it is so sad to watch now, knowing what's to come for them. For Castiel, especially, this was the last moment he got to believe in himself, it was the last moment he demanded and received respect. After this scene, only disaster, humiliation and slander awaited him, in and out of universe. Crowley's path of degradation would be delayed by two seasons, but it would catch up with him in ways no less brutal.

The whole scene was beautiful. The sigils overhead, the brown-and-orange checkered curtain, the whisky that Crowley carried like a talisman, the way they tilted their heads at each other. And this was their last moment of glory, last moment they got to be themselves, and they got to be themselves because they got to be with each other.

"You found me."

"I never lost you."

[castielwarriorangel]

Wow... Tumblr

Ain’t been on here for a WHILE. But I finally finished watching Supernatural last night and I have been an emotional wreck since, and I thought about Tumblr because this is where I used to get all my gifs and such from. I may have to make my page dedicated to Supernatural again.

Anyway, my life the past four years.. I finally moved out of my mom’s house almost 3 years ago. I’ve been living on my own since 2020. 2020 was a difficult time for me like it was for many. I had everything lined up for my move and then Covid happened and things went downhill very quickly. I couldn’t pay any of my bills and almost got evicted and became homeless. If not for the graces and generosity of others I would be living on the streets. Not a great way to start a life on my own, 950 miles from anywhere familiar. I’ve gained and lost many friends over the past few years, and I will be turning 33 in March.

Not sure if anyone remembers me or if those who I followed religiously are still around or friends I made on here are still present. But damn.. I missed y’all.

I am in process of writing my own book series now and have a goal to at least finish the first book by the end of the year. It’s about a fictional famous musician named Cliff Drakonas and whose best friend’s FC is Jensen Ackles, and that was before I had planned to finish Supernatural.. I held it off for a long time and I must say I am pretty disappointed in Dean’s death. It was such an anti-climactic way for him to die after his life’s work. I am happy that most everybody made it to Heaven, and it’s implied Cas became Jack’s right hand, possibly even an Archangel. I don’t know what new fandoms are out there anymore as I don’t have access to cable anymore, nor do I have a lot of time to watch shows like I used to. I have a full-time job now that’s third shift and pays very well and has great job security with lots of OT when it’s needed. I have a cat who I come home to every day. I am also a godparent now. I am still single and living on my own, which is very difficult in today’s world, but I am proud of where I am in life now.

I haven’t RPed for a while either, but I am ready to get back into that on my RP site I co-own.

Now with Supernatural over, I really have no idea what show to watch next or what to do with my life anymore lol. Supernatural was such a special show to me as it was for all the fans and I don’t think anything will ever come close to it, nor will anything ever fill the void of it not being there anymore. For now, Dean, Sam, Cas, Crowley, and everyone else will live on in my RPs, my Discord username (Castiel#1628), and my heart, as I’m sure it will live on in many people’s hearts.

I am 100% emotionally compromised right now, over a show lol. Geeze... Cried like a little baby earlier today when Carry On was stuck in my head.

So SPN fam? What shows you watching now? How did you cope with the end of the show forever? Please share, because I am not doing so well coping with it right now lol

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 231

Brother’s Keeper/In the Forest of the Night

“Brother’s Keeper”

Plot Description: Realizing the Mark of Cain has pushed him too far, Dean makes a drastic decision, while Rowena readies a spell that could have huge consequences

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: (I don’t think anyone’s going to die in this opening unless we cut to Dean, but for now it’s Sam and Cas arguing about what to do about Dean) we did cut to Dean, and he looked rough, but no one died

CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SONNNNNN!! We have somehow come to the end of season TEN. I’ve watched TEN. FULL. SEASONS…are we not going to get the traditional “the road so far”??? Absolutely rude, if there’s ever been a time to play a song about a wayward son, it’s the end of this season. Though I suppose we shouldn’t be encouraging him to carry on the way he has

Dean’s just being a DICK to everyone he meets today, dead or alive.

I love how bored Rowena is with Sam right now. She knows he needs her to do the spell, pointing a gun at her just wastes everyone’s time

Cas is probably right that agreeing to Rowena’s revised terms is a mistake but I’m so glad she’ll be getting her freedom back (with any luck)

I don’t know why Sam is so incredulous about the actual fruit from Eden is real in this universe. He’s standing in a room with an angel and the witch mother of the king of hell. And a tree’s existence is too much for him?? Oh, he’s just mad that the very first ingredient is so impossible to get (as is the second)

The third ingredient thoooooo. This is why I love Rowena. The spell requires her to sacrifice something she loves…unfortunately for everyone needing this spell cast, Rowena doesn’t love anything or anyone. She’d sacrifice whatever it is to gain her freedom, but…

Pfffft, Cas went digging in Rowena’s memories for something she loves and only came up with a Polish peasant boy who’s been dead for a couple centuries

Dean, don’t traumatize the teenage girl further!! Don’t bait the vampire into killing the other hunter and then slice its head off like nothing. Dean, this isn’t you. This isn’t your heart

YEAH! I HOPE YOU’RE HAUNTED BY CAS’S BLOODIED FACE AFTER YOU NEARLY KILLED HIM AND RUDY’S SINCE YOU GOT HIM KILLED

You do not look tough trashing that motel room. You look like an oversized toddler throwing a tantrum

Castiel not having Crowley saved in his phone is so unbelievably funny to me. Omg they’re both so bitchy to each other. Crowley wants Cas to beg for his help, call him King….and Cas will physically do it but you can just tell his words are drenched in sarcasm. I love them both

Hi. I hate this show. Sam just got to the motel room, and amongst the ruin, there were the keys to the impala and a note that said “she’s all yours.” I need them to stop this. I need them to stop hurting me like this

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, DEAN?? Who did you summon? Oh. Cool. Just Death. I have missed seeing him, wish it was under some other circumstances

I hate that after he’s been such an asshole the past few episodes, I’m still drawn in by what a sad wet kicked puppy he looks like right now pleading with Death to kill him. And Death refusing

Had to rewind because I got distracted. Got brought back into focus by the phrase “the proverbial finger in the dike” which my brain interpreted…differently.

Well, damn. Seems like both the brothers now have connections to actual Lucifer (though the darkness of the Mark apparently predates Lucifer, too, so that’s fun)

Of COURSE Dean would never pass the Mark along to anyone else. He has to take on the burden alone…because he’s so fucking eldest daughter coded

Omg even Sam’s “this isn’t you”-ing Dean. This is fine

THE DINER COUNTER WORKER CROWLEY A LITTLE BIT BONDED WITH IS RELEVANT?! HE’S A DESCENDENT OF—OMG NO. HE *IS* THE POLISH BOY. ROWENA MADE HIM IMMORTAL. This is the wildest show…(I take that back. I forgot Riverdale just wrapped up)

Wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf. It’s so fascinating how the tables…they do turn. We’re in such a similar conundrum as last season. Though, instead of sealing the gates of hell, it’s making sure the darkness never gets set free (whatever that is). And instead of…well, no, Sam would be the one to die this time, too, but it’s not like Dean will be much better off somewhere off planet (literally) so he can never hurt anyone else, will never die, will never pass the Mark on. And Dean’s yelling at Sam about being selfish…when he was the one to save Sam’s life at the expense of shutting hell’s gates FOREVER because he couldn’t live without his brother. They are so toxically codependent

Uuuuuggggghhhhh, the writers are ruining Rowena in one scene. I loved that she was cruel and selfish. Now she’s crying over potentially having to kill the boy she saved. He wasn’t supposed to live past 8, and now he’s lived centuries. Kill him, get your freedom, girl. This isn’t you, Rowena. Just kill him

Would it be the end of a season without a knockdown drag out fight between the brothers?? Maybe…but not one in recent seasons, I’m pretty sure

I feel like Sam is lying…..omg, Dean has to kill Sam himself?!?! With Death’s scythe!!

NOT THE PICTURES OF DEAN AND MARYYYYYYY. This is so melodramatic and YET. AND YET. I’m still on the verge of tears

So what NOW, DEAN?! You just KILLED DEATH (I knew he wasn’t gonna kill Sam, but I did get swept up in the emotions of the scene) they really do just keep screwing over Death. I feel bad for him

Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Ugh, finally.

No no nooooooo, you were only supposed to harm the Polish boy, not turn Cas into a rabid animal to attack Crowley. Crowley I could, to an extent, take or leave, but CASSSSSSSSS

Did you unleash the darkness, boys? Did you? (I know TECHNICALLY it was Rowena, but who forced her hand?)

This seems fine…😬

“In the Forest of the Night”

Plot Description: The Doctor discovers that the final days of humanity have arrived

(I really how we get Missy for real soon. Truly I just want to be tandem simping for her and Rowena)

Not going to lie, I think it’d look pretty cool if we let a forest overtake a good portion of London. Those giant lion statues in Trafalgar Square just in the middle of the woods? Would look so cool

Omg…they had no idea what happened to London……sorry, the whole world, while they were doing a sleepover at some museum or another. Could be the natural history one. So it was QUICK quick

The little girl raises an excellent series of questions. Why CANT they just wait for a coach? Why CANT they wait for the trees to disappear? They did simply appear overnight. The answer, of course, because that wouldn’t be much of an episode

Why isn’t one of you staying behind the group of kids?? One of you should lead and the other should be behind so none of the kids get LITERALLY left behind

Do these kids not remember the weird custodian who was at their school not too long ago? Why do none of them recognize the Doctor?

Kids on the TARDIS remind me of when kids come into the branch. They have no business there, it’s kind of boring to them, but they WILL find a way to pass the time “aren’t any of you surprised it’s bigger on the inside” “there wasn’t a forest, now there is a forest. Nothing surprises me anymore”

Pfffffft, these kids shipping their teachers are so worried for their relationship

It’s like this episode invented the manic pixie fourth grader…Maebh is strange, she has so many of the answers the Doctor is looking for, she has some kind of mysterious past (she’s suffering from some kind of trauma likely related to someone she’s lost), she can’t stop getting lost in the woods…I want to protect this child but the writers are just being insufferable about her. She’s little red riding hood (even wearing a red raincoat)

Omg, why is she so special she can literally communicate with the forest?

So some…ancient plant growing sprite thingies and they are calling a solar flare to destroy earth

It’s weird when a companion sends the Doctor away to save him

Sure, that should be no problem. Give the task of saving the planet to a group of 10 year olds

Another tiny tiny scene of Missy

And Earth is saved, and the forest is gone, having protected the planet once more

And Maebh’s missing sister returned home

[ambiguousdisorderken]

in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

 Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel.  Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” //  Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

 Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23  – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

 Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references. 

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

 Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

 Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

 Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

 Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is). 

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

[barren-heart]

If you’re Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins, or Jared Padalecki.

STOP.

Read this post.

Dear J2M,

This is an open letter for you three written by a couple of unhappy passionate fans.

We write this to you because we know at least one of you has a secret Stan account and creeps on the destiel hashtag from time to time. Don’t lie. (Ahem. Misha Collins. Looking at you, Sir.)

With the subtle hints and possibility of a revival, us here at BarrenHeart (Bee and Jay) have some thoughts on what we think a reboot/continuation/revival would look like if it was done well.

Note: we don’t speak for the whole fandom(obviously). And we don’t even speak for all of the Cas/destiel fans. This is from our observation of the fandom after 15x18 and the finale, plus our own opinions.

Here are our demands suggestions for the potential revival.

--Castiel--

First things first. Castiel is brought back.

And by that, we mean he is either shown to be rescued from the empty, Jack rescues him from the empty, or by some other means, that man is not left there to suffer for all of eternity.

Castiel is a lead character.

Not a guest star, not “and Misha Collins.” No. Misha Collins gets to be in every d*mn episode. He is an equal lead alongside Dean and Sam. Which leads into the next point.

Castiel gets his own storyline.

It can be connected to Dean in some way, but he needs his own arc, y’all. Don't care what that is, but he IS his own character. So, some form of personal growth or whatever needs to happen. He is a badass and deserves a good storyline. Also…

Give this M-- F-- (mother father) his wings back!

Yes, he died without ever having his wings return to their full power. Like? We know he was nerfed so he wouldn't overpower Sam and Dean. Prove to us that he can be a fully powered badass and still work alongside Sam and Dean. No need to get rid of that.

Human!Cas does not mean pathetic Cas.

There is a divide on whether Castiel should stay an angel. Personally, we like human Cas. However, human Cas was shafted in the series. If you make him human in any way, shape, or form, he’s gonna still have to be a badass. Don’t whimp him!

He can be a good hunter/pretend FBI agent just like Sam and Dean!

So, make him one! Let him do more cases. On his own. With other people. With Sam. With Dean. He can fight without powers, too.

Give him love!

For the love of freaking Jack, let that man know he is loved by people. Not even mentioning anything romantic, he still needs platonic love y’all. Let Sam say it, let Jack say it. Let anyone in his family tell him that he is loved. Not once in this series did Cas hear that anyone loved him. So, fix it!

New style, anyone?

Cas needs other clothes! Please now. The black trenchcoat we never saw in-show? Boss. Cas in a black leather jacket? Coolness. Hunter plaid? Do it.

Confession Resolution

Speaking of love, come to some conclusion please about him and Dean. Give a resolution somehow, somewhere. We personally don’t really care how it’s done, but there needs to be something said here. You cannot just drop a confession there and just leave like it never happened. So, talk about it.

Adding this, I swear, if this is bros only, you WILL lose Cas fans. So, think about what you’re doing.

--Sam--

Sam is important!

Now, personally we have a soft spot for Sam. His character arc in Season 1-5 was great. Demon blood, powerful Sam was amazing. So, don’t sideline Sam. Seriously. We are gonna say in an unpopular way (as if this post isn’t already unpopular to some), but Sam got sidelined real hard in the last few seasons of the show. Now, was that what Jared wanted? Don’t know. But, Sam needs his own storyline too that isn’t just revolved around Dean. Figure it out.

Witch!Sam

Speaking of which, let this man be powerful. Sam is best when he has powers. Sorry but also not. He has been given all of Rowena’s (who is arguably the best witch around) spell books and decides to not really do much with it? No. He’s becoming a BAMF witch. Full-out, no word spells and shit. End point.

Sam in Charge

He’s not just a baby brother. He’s a grown man. Give him room to grow. Allow him to be a leader. Let him lead a group of hunters, witches, a whole team of people! He’s strong on his own, too. He's a big boy. Prove it.

He should fall in love.

Like, get married and all that. It’s a part of his arc, so keep it there. No blurry wife, my god! Personally it should be Eileen. She’s a badass. They also have a lot in common! Holy hell. They make a good team. So, keep that suggestion in mind.

Let him have the hero’s journey.

We want a good ending that shows growth for this character! He saw himself as a freak with powers, so…maybe he can use his powers now in a way that in empowering instead? Let him have an ending that doesn't just return to the beginning. Let him have gone through all of this changed for the better.

Don't be creepy.

Still keep the brotherly bond with Dean, but don’t make it weird, y’all. Don’t. Please.

Sam as a dad.

He can have a kid. But, Dean Jr? Eh. You might want to reconsider some other (Bobby) possibilities.

--Dean--

Now, with Dean, I wanna make this clear.

DO NOT K word THIS MAN.

This man here has dealt with unbelievable trauma, suicidal thoughts and even almost died by suicide in the show (okay, it was for another reason, but still!) He dies way too many times in this show. It’s not new anymore. Perhaps, when the show was newer, death might have been a bittersweet ending. But, now. It’s tarnished. It happened too much and the message of “carry on” got tainted to mean “there is only peace when you die.” That’s not okay.

Resolve his issues!

He has so much pain and trauma. Let him seek help. Let your audience know that it’s okay to process these emotions. Let him heal. He deserves it.

Dean’s internal struggles

This is piggybacking a little off of point two, but Dean has a lot of things he needs to figure out. We feel like his journey is more internal. While processing his trauma, he needs to learn that it's okay to be himself. This could include things about himself that he feels ashamed of or scared to admit. Things he may have repressed or suppressed over time. No more hiding who he is or brushing it off or making jokes. Be your true self, Dean. It's time.

Dean’s still important, of course

That said, Dean should still be integral to the overall narrative of the plot. Of course he's gonna go head to head with the Big Bad of the season/limited series, but he really should focus on what's inside first before he can take this monster down.

The Bro bond

No more dependent/unhealthy bond with Sam. Of course they are family and brothers, and will always be close. That's perfectly fine. However, its important to note that Dean was Sam’s mom/Dad most of his whole life. And, well, that never came to a resolution. Please let Dean resolve this issue. Sam is grown and older now, and even though Dean will always feel protective of him as his Big brother, Dean shouldn't feel like his life only revolves around taking care of Sam. There is more to Dean and his life.

Dean is complex

Also, Dean is not only about cars, burgers, and pie. It's like some of the writers forgot this. There are so many things/interests of Dean’s that are really cool and add to the complexity of his character. Keep those things.

He needs to resolve his issue with Jack.

He never said sorry to the kid. Not once after telling Sam that Jack wasn't family. He needs to tell Jack he is loved.

Speaking of which, Dean needs to tell Cas he loves him.

Okay. Who knows if you will make destiel reciprocal at this point.

Do we think Dean would have reciprocated based on context clues and what we have seen in the show? Yes.

Do we think this love is romantic? Yes.

Do we think you'll actually fully make it canon in a reboot/continuation? Eh.

Regardless, Dean loves Cas, so make it known.

Other demands considerations.

‘The found family’ needs to not be forgotten.

All the friends that were made along the way need to be included. What happened with Garth was great, actually. Do more of that. And by that, we mean include Jody and Donna. What are the girls doing now? Wayward sisters anyone? Bring Kevin back. Don't leave him to roam the earth all along like that. Either make him human again like Eileen or send him to rest in Heaven.

Where’s Eileen?

Hello??? Where? Tell us she made it back.

Claire

No idea if you can get Kathryn Newton back, but it would be cool at least for one episode. Please. Kaia? Resolve her storyline.

Also, Charlie.

Wtf happened? That was not resolved. We love Felicia Day. Charlie’s friendship with Dean is amazing. She deserves a few episodes.

Crowley!

Seriously. What happened to Mark was super disappointing. You gotta bring him back. His death wasn't great. Bring him back and give him his damn line already!

Jack!

I'm not fully on the Baby!Jack train, but he does deserve a normal life. He's three years old technically. He had no normal life whatsoever. He deserves that. So, give him that.

More Rowena please!

That's it. She's awesome.

Have a wedding.

No, really. Someone's gotta get married. Our pick: Sam and Eileen. Charlie is also a good contender for having a wedding with her partner, too. So there. Weddings are happy. We want a happy ending.

I will reiterate. Team free will lives. That's it.

Okay. Now, moving on to the next part of this. The elephant in the room. The thing a lot of us actually want from this, but frankly, we aren't sure if you'll do it.

Explicit Destiel.

If you've read this far J2M, then you're probably wondering when this was going to be addressed. So, here are the stipulations on destiel.

Go big or go home.

Yep. We said it. Make it explicit, full out, no ambiguity.

Honestly, you might be thinking what you could do to make it explicitly canon? Well, since there were tons of people who still think Cas’ love confession was just a platonic exchange between two bros (like wtf? How?), you're gonna have to spell it out for people.

But, some things that we may perceive as romantic, some people may not.

--Like, holding hands could be considered platonic between two men to some people.

--Cheek kissing could also be considered platonic to some people.

Not to say we need Jensen and Misha doing full on *** scenes to prove anything, but something more than a hand hold. Okay? Okay.

What we’re saying is basically, you're gonna have to kiss. On the lips. Yep.

So...I guess you'll have to figure out how you want to do that.

On when to make it canon:

You can decide if it makes sense to make it canon towards the beginning or towards the end. Honestly, there could be an argument for either. If it's made canon earlier, you could prove there can be a relationship alongside the main storyline. If you wait until the end, you'll leave fans wondering if you'll actually do it. But, the kiss being the major event of the finale could be worth it. Whichever you do, remember there are upsides and downsides to both.

Other other considerations:

Just realize who your fanbase is now. We’ve grown and changed. Like Becky, your fans have gone through a huge change in what they want from the show. Is the fandom all on the same page? Nope. Will they ever be? No.

You will not please everyone. That's a given. But, a lot of fans want to see the show wrap up in a better way than what we got. Destiel fans aside, the finale was not great overall. There are plenty of negative finale reviews that have nothing to do with destiel.

On top of that, society is changing. Slowly. The attitudes in regards to lgbtq media is quite different than before. You have the chance to make history. Really. If you make this canon, that will be a part of your legacy. You'll hit the news. I mean, 15x18 wasn't even the finale and it trended #1 that day.

We suggest that if you do decide to make it canon, it’s meaningful and you take the time to do it right.

So, consider your fans. Consider the part of the fandom that trended your show over the election. Consider the fans that trended a fictional wedding on Valentine's Day. Consider Misha/Cas fans who felt slighted. Consider your LGBTQA + fans. Just, think about what the reboot could achieve. What it could mean to a lot of people.

As always, we just want happiness and peace when we are done.

Thanks for reading Misha J2M.

Sincerely,

Bee 🐝 and Jay 🐦

[apocalypseornaw]

Always be yours (Pt 1/2)

Ok um warnings? Demon!Dean first of all. Cursing, mentions of mutual cheating (reader slept with Sam if that's a warning?) supposed death, sex (NSFW) and I think that's about it. Enjoy? I guess

You had to get out of the bunker. It was too much. Every damn corner felt like it was suffocating you. The hunt for Dean, Crowley's taunting because you and Sam had yet to run them down. Castiel was helping with Heaven's business whatever that meant and well things between you and Sam had been a little tense.

------

You were in Limon, Colorado. All in all it was close enough you could've handled the simple haunting case Garth had kicked your way then head back home but you ended up grabbing a hotel room. 

------

You were sitting on the bed after grabbing a shower. Graveyard dirt had a bad habit of sticking to nearly every inch of skin even when you had help digging. You'd ended up taking a page out of Bobby's note and stealing a backhoe but you'd gotten it done. Sam had called while you were in the shower so you were calling him back trying to tell yourself to not get your hopes up in regards to there being any news.

"Hey Y/N" he answered on the second ring and you smiled despite your tiredness at hearing your best friend's voice "Hey Sammy. Any news?" He let out a breath "Not really. I mean just normal stuff has been popping up. I've kicked a few cases out to other hunters. How'd your case go?" You rotated your shoulder to work out the slight kink in it before saying "I knew cheerleaders were savage in life, I never knew it got even worse after death but luckily Brittany is put to rest officially and her best friend has admitted to causing the wreck and is in custody"

"That's good. You staying the night there?" You nodded then it occurred to you he couldn't see you "Yeah, digging kind of wore me out but I'll be home in the morning. Call me if anything comes up between now and then ok?" "Yeah. Call if you need me" after the two of you said your goodbyes you hung up and plugged your phone in. It was a little after eleven so you figured you should go ahead and try to get some sleep. 

-------

You weren't sure what woke you up. You jerked awake, gun in hand and trying to blink the sleep out of your eyes to clear the room.  You spotted the shadow next to the door leaning against the wall and felt your heart flip in your chest "Dean?" 

He flicked the light switch on, eyes never leaving yours. "Hey sweetheart" you mentally cursed the fact that he was between you and your bag meaning you had no holy water handy and the gun in your hand would only piss him off if it was to come down to it. As if he could read your thoughts he smirked "Oh come on now Y/N. You know me better than that if I would've wanted to kill you I would've"

You pushed the blanket off your legs, still not lowering the gun in your hand as you climbed to your feet "Forgive me for not believing you baby but a few things have changed since I saw you last" his eyes flickered across your body and it was then you realized you'd went to bed in only a t-shirt and a pair of panties since you were alone. 

"You still wear the same thing to bed" he taunted before walking over to your bag. He gave his back to you when he unzipped the bag and grabbed your black flask that you always carried the Holy water in. He turned back around and held it out "Here, take it" you were trying to gauge if it was worth the risk. 

You laid the gun down on the side table considering it wouldn't do a lot of good anyways and walked closer to him. Everything in you was screaming but it was conflicting voices. The hunter in you screamed this was a demon, a knight of hell nonetheless. He could kill you before you breathed hard.  Your heart on the other hand was overjoyed at seeing Dean alive no matter the shape considering the last time you saw him.

Your fingertips grazed the flask and you were surprised when he let it go and didn't move any closer to you. "There. You're armed now let's talk" "I don't have a damn thing to say to you unless you're saying Y/N take me to the bunker for the cure" 

He smiled and it was more a baring of teeth than Dean's usual flirty grin. He moved to grab you and you flicked the top off the flask letting it splash against his neck but he just grimaced and slammed you backwards against the wall with one hand holding your hip in place and the other firmly around your neck as the flask hit the floor.

"Come on now darling. I'm being nice. Why can't you?" He ran his tongue across his lips as he leaned closer and god it took everything inside of you to not look him in the eye. "Maybe because I'm not Sammy?" He whispered into your ear and you weren't sure if it was the feeling of his warm breath against your neck or the shock of what he'd just said. You turned to look at him and he let his eyes slip to black just momentarily before letting the candy apple green you loved slide back into place. "Oh I know. I know Crowley told you about some of the things I've gotten into or rather who I've gotten into"

Your fear was quickly turning into anger. He was here to mock you? Christ this was the first time you'd take a demon looking for a fight over this. "Let go of me you bastard" you struggled against him but he only tightened his grip on your neck until you lost your breath. He loosened it back after a moment and smiled when you gasped for breath "Now you wanna talk?" You nodded not trusting your voice. He let his lips barely brush against your neck, a dark chuckle leaving him when you shivered from the touch.

"I know you were pissed and hurt after finding out and god bless my baby brother he buried himself inside of you to help. I mean I can't blame him look at you" you were effectively pinned but couldn't help but bite back "You left us both high and dry Dean! To run off with Crowley. We thought you were dead. We mourned you! Only to find out you were off living it up"

He grunted in response nudging at your neck with his head until you turned it just enough to give him access to your pulse point "So you fucked my brother. Did you fuck him in my bed?" He bit down harshly after asking the question and pulled a scream out of your lips that was a mixture of pleasure of pain. "Fuck Dean" you tried to put more venom into your voice but it came out more as a moan. Your eyes fluttered shut as he left a trail of light open mouthed kisses along your neck "Answer me" he warned, voice low.

"No. I didn't fuck Sam in your bed" you finally managed to whisper. He repositioned himself to slide a clothed knee between your legs and you whimpered when he added a slight pressure "Good girl. Now tell me did you think about me while you were wrapped around Sammy?" You bit your lip as you fought the urge to move against his leg body craving what your mind refused to. "Did you think about me when you were fucking bar whores?" 

"Yeah. Their pussy wasn't as good as yours" he answered finally letting his lips move up to yours. You melted against him, a groan escaping him when you slid your tongue into his mouth rolling it against his. 

He pulled back and stared down at you "Sammy better in bed than me?" You weren't sure if it was just how long you'd went without being in Dean's arms or just the adrenaline coursing through you that made you say "I don't know. It's been so long since I fucked you"

He raised an eyebrow at your words "Sounds like a challenge" "Sam doesn't talk so much" you snipped and the next thing you knew he was spinning you around to face the wall. "I'll show you who you still belong to" he growled letting his fingers slide down into your panties. You let out a low moan when he slipped one between your folds quickly followed by another. "You're already so wet for me" 

"Dean please" you begged already feeling an orgasm growing as he found that spot inside of you curling his fingers up to have just the right angle. "Please what?" His voice was so deep and so close it vibrated throughout your body "If you still want me prove it" 

You were getting so close and he knew it. He held you in place as he continued to fuck into you with his fingers biting down on your shoulder as you came with a low moan. He rolled his hips forward and you felt his clothed erection pressed against your ass. "That pretty little moan of yours has me rock hard sweetheart. You want me to fuck you?" 

A slight whimper left your lips when you heard his zipper. "Do you want me to fuck you?" Every word was emphasized by a kiss to your neck before he turned your face to give him your lips. "Please" you whispered against his mouth and felt him push your panties off your hips so he could slide into you. "Fuck I've missed you" he moaned almost too low for you to hear.

----------

He sent a grueling pace slamming into you hard enough your hands were gripping the wall to stay upright. Every thrust pulled a scream of his name from your lips "That's it baby. Let everyone know who you belong to" 

Your legs had started to shake as you reached back to grip his hair as he slammed into you "Dean" you moaned and he nodded "I know darling. I know" he pulled out of you then scooped you up into his arms stopping just long enough to kick out of his jeans before carrying you to the bed.

He laid you down onto the bed and leaned up to pull his shirt over his head and throw it before positioning himself back at your opening. You slid down onto him and he groaned "Fuck yes" when he bottomed out.

He grabbed your shirt and ripped it off of you. Once your chest was bare he leaned down to lick one nipple into his mouth "Dean… oh fuck" you moaned gripping his shoulders as he pounded into you. He let go of one nipple and moved to the next never changing his pace. He knew exactly what it took for you.

"My girl.. Just mine" he grunted when he moved from your breasts back up to your neck. "Want you to say it" he groaned. You could feel that building pressure start again and part of you just wanted to chase that high. "Say it" he ordered biting gently on your neck. "I'm yours Dean… only yours" you moaned feeling that pressure burst as another orgasm washed over you. 

His thrusts started to get sloppier as he continued slamming into you. You knew he was close and the thought occurred to you what would happen when it was over. Yet again it was like he could read your thoughts because he leaned down to rest his forehead against your chest "I'm not leaving yet sweetheart. Don't worry" 

He buried himself inside of you with one final thrust and you felt when he came pumping into you. He caught your lips in a rough kiss "You're mine god dammit. I don't care what I am, you're mine" you were still trying to come down off the high of back to back orgasms but had to say "It meant nothing to us Dean" he kissed you again then said "I know. I know you still love me for some twisted reason, same reason I came here" 

When he pulled out of you an undignified noise left you at the loss of contact. He grinned and pulled you to his chest "Rest up Y/N we aren't through yet"

------

You woke up the next day to an empty bed. Next to your bag was a note that simply read "You'll always be mine and I'll always be yours" 

Tag: @akshi8278

[itmighthavebeenintentional]

We've Got Tonight - Ch 4

Summary: “It’s not your job to do this, Andy. You make people happy. I was in the diner all of ten minutes, and you knew exactly how to get me to smile. You do normal, real things like garden and sing karaoke. Saving the world is my job, Sam’s job. Sometimes it’s even Cas’s job, but it’s not yours.”

Inspired by Bob Seger’s “We’ve Got Tonight”

Warnings: Major Character Death, More Major Character Deaths (sort of?), higher than show level violence, blood, light smutting, language, demons, apocalypse, inferred suicide, cult activity.

18+ ONLY, MINORS DO NOT PROCEED

Author’s Note: This story is set hazily around season 8. Just squint a little, and it’ll settle in somewhere. I wrote this story after certain big revelations in the show, but before other big ones; you’ll most likely be able to tell which. I play with time a bit in the story itself, so if things seem out of order, they are. Hopefully, by the end, all the pieces will fit together.

What the hell, let’s give it a shot.

EXTRA WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS THE SOURCE OF MOST OF THE WARNINGS FOR THE STORY. Please don't kill me. THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER, I PROMISE. It's not over yet. I can't promise you won't hate me when it's over, but I will not leave you here. There's more.

Image and major edits by the incomparable @there-must-be-a-lock . Heavy editing and cheering by @thoughtslikeaminefield . Thank you both so much.

In case you missed it: Chapter 3 ItMightHaveBeenintentional’s Masterlist

...

We’ve Got Tonight

Ch 4

Pre-dawn is too damn cold, she decides. She has to visually check that her fingers are actually doing up the buttons to her ragged denim jacket. She lost sensation in her hands a while back, and it’s the only way to make sure they’re actually doing their job. Her jacket is utterly unsuitable for the current temperature, but she doesn’t expect to need it for much longer.

Just before sunrise, Crowley told her.

The sky is already lightening on the horizon, the medium gray more obvious than she would have thought against the stark black, but, then, she’s never had much occasion to be out quite this late before. She’s usually done at the diner by six, singing at the club by ten, and in bed by two at the latest. She hopes Crowley is punctual. She can’t decide if the waiting or the cold is worse.

Except that, yes, she really can. The waiting is definitely worse.

The sound of shifting gravel pulls her out of her thoughts, and she turns to find the King of Hell himself smiling beatifically at her. She shivers, not bothering to search out the source of her discomfort, as she is rather spoiled for choice at the moment. She’s out in the freezing dark, about to hand over her life and soul to a demon because deranged cultists got it into their heads that they should use her blood to start an apocalypse (and who knew there was more than one of those outside of Sunnydale, seriously).

Shivering is probably the most rational reaction she’s had in a while.

“Hello, darling. Pleasant evening with the boys?”

He’s got more sass in one off-the cuff remark than she has in her entire history, and for a moment she can only marvel at the affected innocence in his expression. It's almost convincing. She opts to remain silent rather than take his bait. He smirks, the expression natural and only a touch derisive.

“No surprises, then? No sidekicks to save you at the last minute from the bad, bad demon?”

“I thought the torture didn’t start until after you kill me,” she sighs, hugging her arms tighter around herself, a futile attempt to ward off the chill. Maybe she’s got a little spark in her, after all. He laughs, a friendly, personable chuckle that would set anyone else at ease, reassure them of his honorable, benign intentions.

“Come on, Crowley, what's the hold up? I was here on time. Can we just get this over with already? I could have gotten one more round in with Dean if we were just going to stand around, shootin’ the breeze.”

Even watching for it, she can only just see the tick in Crowley's jaw, the slightest tension that betrays...something. She doesn't know what or why, but Crowley has more than a little unhealthy obsession with the elder Winchester brother, and she is pleased she managed to crack his veneer even for the briefest moment.

At least I don't have to worry about Dean, Andy thinks, relief creeping into the sea of dread that is her stomach. Her deal with Crowley was not only about stopping the apocalypse but also keeping Sam and Dean and even Castiel safe.

“Once you're gone, I won’t harm a hair on their precious heads, nor any other part of them,” he swore to her a mere eighteen hours earlier.

“I’m hurt you don't find my company more pleasant, love,” he murmurs, taking a couple of steps closer. He slides his hands in his coat pockets, the very picture of nonchalance. “I do try my best to be cordial, even congenial, after all. But since you’re so very uncomfortable, I suppose you won't object, then, that I took the liberty of inviting a few friends whose company you seem to prefer. What a lovely party we’ll have when they get here.”

As if he’s summoned them, a pair of lights appear in the distance, growing larger with every passing moment. Headlights, she realizes; a second later, she hears the distinctive roaring of a very particular car engine, and before she can turn back to Crowley, the Impala leaps out of the darkness, skidding across the hard-packed dirt road, coming to a halt bare inches from the demon’s impeccably shined shoes.

Andy stumbles back, choking in the cloud of dust the car kicks up, only to hit something solid. Impossibly strong fingers dig into her chin, lifting her face out and away as cold, thin metal is pressed to the side of her neck, and only now does she freeze.

“Let her go, Crowley,” Dean growls, his gun drawn and aimed even before he exits the car. “This isn't her fight, and you know it!” On the other side, Sam and Castiel climb out, Sam drawing his gun and moving to flank the demon.

“I do heartily protest, sir,” Crowley says, his tone mild and conversational. The blade digs in ever so slightly under her ear, and a thin trickle of warmth slides down her skin to soak into her collar. Dean doesn't flinch, but his eyes narrow, and he readjusts his aim.

“Not only is the lady at the epicenter of this fight, she's gone and made herself the brightest star in the show. Ask her yourself, if you don’t believe me.”

“How-” she manages through fear-numbed vocal cords. Dean should be unconscious, snoring blissfully away in his bed where she left him. She made sure to leave no sort of trail they could follow, and she checked that they were all asleep or otherwise occupied before she took off.

“I wasn’t asleep, Andy,” Dean replies, leveling his gun at Crowley. “And I’ve been tracking since I was seven. Gimme some credit.”

“I wouldn't do that, if I were you, Moose.” Crowley’s words freeze Sam in his tracks, and the blade on Andy’s neck digs in a little deeper. The flow of warmth down her neck widens just a touch. The sheer smugness in Crowley’s tone sets her teeth on edge, breaking through her stupor, and she grabs the hand with the knife, pulling at it with all her might. She, of course, doesn’t make a dent in the demonic strength, but she’s got to try something.

If you asked her later, Andy would swear to you that the searing pain that drags along her neck parallel to her jaw line right then is pure Hellfire. Deep down in the darkest recesses of her mind where all the worst truths lurk, she knows she’s feeling the bite from Crowley’s knife, but in that instant all she is aware of is the agony of the wound, of Dean’s enraged roar, and the juxtaposition of Crowley’s gentle touch pressing her own fingers to something hot and slippery under her jaw.

“Hold pressure there, sweetheart, or you’ll bleed out too soon. Wouldn’t want you to miss the finale.”

Her knees buckle, and she drops, but somehow she stays upright long enough to see Crowley’s demons approach out of the darkness. She tries to warn the boys, but time moves with a dreamlike lethargy that betrays every one of her good intentions, and, anyway, her voice doesn’t seem to be working at the moment. The roar of gunfire all around her sounds faint in comparison to the rushing in her ears, and she is powerless to stop Crowley’s plans from reaching fruition.

“You...said...you wouldn’t...”

“Well, pet, you aren’t dead yet, are you? I’ve got, what, at least another three minutes before you snuff it, by my count. Plenty of time to conclude my business with the Winchesters and their featherbrained friend before you expire.”

Though he was right behind her only a moment ago, Crowley appears abruptly next to Castiel, who at the moment is distracted by two lesser demons both wielding machetes. She realizes as she watches Cas easily fend them off that they, just like Andy, are only a distraction, only bait to tempt the bigger players to overextend themselves.

Too late, she sees the perfection of Crowley’s plan. In all the confusion, she loses track of Sam, and she wrenches her eyes away from Dean’s staggering form only to watch as the angel blade in Crowley’s hand bursts through Castiel’s chest. Then her gentle, confused friend is gone in a flash. The demons vanish, and she can’t find Sam or Dean, can’t reach them, can’t make her voice work to call out.

The quiet is wrong, so out of place after the violent cacophony. The roaring is gone, the gunfire silenced, and all that’s left is a terrible wheezing, gurgling sound that takes her too long to recognize as her own labored breathing.

“Crow...ley…”

“I’m here, darling. What do you need?”

“Lying...bastard…”

“Now, now, sweetheart, are those really what you want your last words to be?” He lifts her easily from the ground, carrying her the few yards to where Dean lies sprawled in the dusty gravel. His shirt is stained black in the retreating darkness, and Andy can only be thankful that she won’t make it to sunrise to see what exact shade of red is spreading over him. Dean’s far hand scrabbles on the ground, stopping its frantic search only when it finds his brother’s.

Sam’s still form doesn’t return his brother’s grip.

“After all, I’ve done you a favor; I didn’t have to give you the opportunity to say good-bye. I can’t promise you adjoining cells, but I’m sure your torture will coincide with his occasionally,” Crowley continues conversationally, “so, really, the two of you should be thanking me that you’ll at least get occasional visiting privileges. It pays to be on good terms with the king, after all. And, who knows? After a couple hundred years of good behavior, I might even be persuaded to-”

“Why?” It’s all she can manage as he lays her on the ground. Dean reaches for her with his free hand, and she is just able to find his fingers. Their eyes meet, but her vision is blurring as breathing gets tougher, and she can’t see what he’s mouthing to her. Even his eyes, such a luminescent green only hours ago, are fading into the remaining dark of the night.

“The Winchesters, dear, it’s always been about the Winchesters. Oh, the fanatics and their doomsday ritual were real enough, as was your blood. I just simply took advantage of the situation, as any intelligent monarch would do. Settled things with the apocalypse groupies, rid myself of some major pains in my rear, and now I get you, to boot! I do love when a plan comes together.”

Dean’s fingers tighten in hers, and she tries to grip his back, but the harder she holds on, the less she can feel him.

She’s not really feeling much of anything but cold now.

“Shut...up...already.”

“Always ungrateful in the end, even after everything I do for them,” Crowley grumbles from above her. But then he does shut up, and she finally feels something besides the cold.

Relief. ...

Chapter 5

[demonologist-in-denim]

One of the Boys!Crowley

After Crowley closes the Gates and joins the Winchesters permanently, no one – not even Crowley himself – knows if he’ll ever complete the cure. He’s “cured” from the demon trials years ago in the sense that the scaring on his soul from his time on the rack and in service to Hell has healed or receded. He is no longer numb to the joy and suffering of others, his own emotions are no longer muted or twisted by his demonic essence. He is reformed in the sense that while he is still a demon, his actions and choices – if not his words – reflect his rising humanity rather than his lingering demonic impulses.

And as the years pass, the longer Hell remains closed, the more his powers diminish. Sometimes, he misses his once-limitless capacity: near-invincibility, conditional immortality, the ability to reshape the world with a snap of his fingers. But there is also something solid and more present, something of worth, in the limited and the temporary. Something beautiful and fragile and beyond value in impermanence. What he does now matters, more than it ever mattered before, because now he has to actually try, and sometimes fail. And when he succeeds, it is because of what Crowley is capable of, rather than the seductive ease of powers and abilities granted him by Hell. His cunning, his intelligence, his will. His own inherent, innate worth. Because he is worthy – of respect, and of love, without the threat or authority of Hell behind him.

Being at least equal portions human and demon doesn’t mean Crowley is vulnerable. If there is one thing Crowley rarely is, rarely allows himself to be, it is vulnerable. Too many centuries and a human life preceding that of vulnerable meaning weak, being used, abused, discarded. Too great an instinct for self-preservation, too much fear of rejection. Too much self-hatred directed at himself for both an unearned feeling of worthlessness and a painful awareness of the sins he’s committed against the world. But there is also a strong desire to be understood, to ignite that spark between himself and others, to feel that connection and sense of belonging. And so occasionally, mostly with Dean, Crowley allows himself to be just that little bit vulnerable, and hope the hunter sees him for who he is, as much as for the better man Crowley wishes he were capable of becoming.

He’s still an arse. He can still be a little too caustic, a little too inconsiderate, and he doesn’t really care if that ruffles some feathers the wrong way. Crowley wouldn’t be himself without his infamous snark and charm, and he never wants to not be himself – just a (slightly) better version of that. He still calls the boys Moose and Squirrel and Feathers, affectionately. Still reserves their names for more tender moments. Still points out all the ways their plans to save the day or the world are stupid, or ill-planned, or self-serving, or likely to jumpstart another apocalypse. Concealing vulnerability and fear of rejection and insecurity about his increasing humanity. He still thinks the Winchesters and Castiel and all their extended family and friends are complete and utter morons, risking their lives for a world that couldn’t care less about them.

None of that means Crowley doesn’t care. Crowley cares, in his opinion, a little too much – he loves, more than he is willing to lose or suffer for that love. He loves with a desperate, dismissive love that takes the shape of exasperated indulgence and affectionate eye rolls, overlooked administrative tasks expertly handled, inserted leaflets into lore and spell books with handwritten corrections, subtle and other times hostile mother-henning, well-mean manipulations and homemade meals. He’s never vocal about his affection, never utters the word love, never says thank you, never dares to say “I’m sorry”. Because he fears saying sorry would show just how small, how insignificant those acts of love were, compared to other, darker acts committed.

Sometimes, Crowley wishes he couldn’t feel the regret and the guilt, the shame that occasionally tempts him to drown himself in good scotch. It’s always there, a dull ache in his second-hand heart. Attempts to justify or rationalize the past as a means of survival, as what brought him here, pale in comparison to the memories of his victims, their screams, the sting of their deserved accusations, the discomfort of their undeserved forgiveness. Things Crowley cannot take back. Things that haunt him. That he’s had to learn how to face, to take responsibility for, to give him the strength and resilience to carry on down this road of redemption. His own past something he can mine and use to help others, guide and protect – save others. No one came for him. No angel fought their way through Hell on divine orders to save Crowley. He was damned, and damaged, and some parts of himself are forever beyond repair. But he can take that damage and do good with it. In his more noble, slightly inebriated moments, Crowley tells himself that’s all there is to it, being this better version of himself. Just wanting to do some good. It has nothing to do with the nightmares and the hellhounds that hunt him from the recesses of his own mind. Or earning the affection of the people he has come to consider family – that have, foolishly, come to consider him family.

Crowley is still Crowley. He is resentful and reluctant, indifferent and dismissive. He’s broken, resigned to being broken, to being a shade too grey to ever be one of the good guys. He’s world-weary and worn, half a soul weaving him threadbare. And Crowley is, ultimately, resilient. He is resolved against his better judgement to give this world – and himself – one last chance. He’s one of the boys, the fourth core member of Team Free Will. And there's work to be done.

[laufire]

Dean x Bela Talbot for the ship ask

It's Complicated TM xDD

I still think that, out of all the romantic options Dean ever had in the show, Deanbela would've been the superior one by far. Like, that's a ship that could've carried him through the show! That's a Batcat! And he squandered it smh. After her, you could tell the writers' hearts wasn't in it with any other woman and how could I blame them after what they'd foolishly lost?

It's compelling, is what I'm getting at. The batcat, Sherlock-Irene dynamic. The fact that Dean's usually sharp instincts are shit when it comes to her. The fact that they each see something of themselves in the other and HATE IT. The more playful cat-and-mouse moments. The chemistry. The potential was off the chart!

But damn, is Dean an asshole to her. In ways I can't stomach given how things go down. Like, I HATE HIM with her, I want to kill him on her behalf like I've wanted with a few characters from the show xD. I don't think I could've ever shipped them in a conventional way because of it even if she'd stayed or returned to the show. They wouldn't have been likeable. But they would've been interesting, which is better.

In fanon terms, when I write them... here's the thing. I have this immutable headcanon that Dean tortured her in Hell. It would've been exactly the kind of stunt Alastair would pull with them, and I believe it happened in my bones. Maybe she was the first, even, being the soul Dean tortured and broke the first seal of the Apocalypse with. I go back and forth with that one, so depending on what the story I'm writing needs, she's either the first one or just one more soul Dean tortured.

And because of this, if I'm writing a version of the story where Bela and Dean both went to Hell*, I could never see them crossing the line into shippy territory. Never. Bela couldn't do it, Dean couldn't do it, I couldn't do it. The dynamic remains fascinating to me and I love writing it, but it remains strictly platonic (and antagonistic xD) in my head because after something like that the possibility would be closed to them.

The WIP where I'm bound to write them sharing scenes the most -a lot of them already drafted- is my Belastiel AU, and that's where I let a lot of my Deanbela feels out while remaining true to this lol. They become allies by necessity, and Castiel is another tie between them (a complicated one, since now on top of everything else, they both have Castiel-rescued-me-from-Hell issues xD), but it's by no means easy. The Hell backstory is there, their previous antagonism poisons it even more, they distrust each other and lash out at each other... it's been very fun and very emotional to write lol.

*I have two stories (one Bela centric series, and one where Bela is a supporting character) where Bela never goes to Hell; once, because she and Crowley reach an alternative deal, and another because she took a desperate last-second resort. In those... I think I might veer into that territory out of curiosity, explore how it could've gone down between them; exorcise those feelings, so to speak. Again, it wouldn't be likeable, or particularly romantic, or "endgame" lol. But I do think it could be interesting. That's where I stand with these two.

Send me a ship and I’ll give you my (brutally) honest opinion on it

[spiders-hth-is-an-outlier]

Possibly a big ask to get just out of the blue but: what are your Supernatural season opinions? Which one is your favorite? Least favorite? Did you watch long enough to have showrunner opinions? If yes, which showrunner is your favorite and which is your least favorite? If no, which season that you haven't seen most tempts you to get back in the Supernatural trenches? Answer exactly as many of these questions as you want to. Carry on.

You know, I am not sure how long this Ask has been sitting here, because my Tumblr notifications are borked -- I hope not long? If long, I apologize, I wasn't ignoring it on purpose!

Okay, so I have more than the average number of Supernatural opinions, probably, but I'll try to keep this to a dull roar! Inside Me There Are Two Wolves: one of them believes that only the original five seasons of Supernatural are worth defending in any way, the other really, really loves seasons 11 and 12. The Kripke Era had a lot of problems, particularly in its treatment of women as bodies without agency and its treatment of Black men as literal predators, but also for all its flaws, it had a kind of coherence and narrative drive that comes from being the product of a dude who obviously cared about it and had something to say. Taken on its own, seasons 1-5 are a brutal and compelling story about the traumas of being men in a universe that's been absolutely destroyed by its Fathers: on almost every level, it's about these abandoned and brutalized boys discovering that their entire reality is the product of an abandoning and brutalizing God, populated by authority figures who are universally demanding and arrogant, but also completely fucking useless. It's quite literally about Sam and Dean trying to hang onto their souls and their own agency when everyone around them wants them forced into shapes formed by conflicts that fell into place at the beginning of time. It's hard to remember, but back then even the Lucifer plotline was about that! It was about the damage fathers inflict on sons! Things were about things, in the Kripke era!

Then we get to the Gamble era, and. Woof. I actually -- don't hate 6 and 7? Like everything Sera Gamble touches, those two seasons are kinetic and memorable and funny and weird and hit some really, really great emotional beats. There are Some Problems, but Gamble was saddled with a pretty dire job, trying to find a way forward after everything about the series really had effectively wrapped up in Swan Song, and I think she did an okay job. People got mad at her for killing Castiel, but you know, damn, I give her this: that was a storyline. Like, this character who was fresh out of the cult he was raised in becoming disillusioned by how messy normal life is and deciding that maybe people need better authoritarianism instead -- the way he's driven to take too many risks by the fact that he's abandoned and desperate -- Crowley as a legitimately scary villain while still being charming af -- and the tragic resolution of Castiel being torn apart by both his hubris and his heroism. It's actually really good. I understand why people didn't want what Gamble was serving up -- and I'm able to like it because it was undone later, you know? -- but she really did commit to a full season of character arc and saw it all the way through to an earned ending, and I gotta respect that.

I genuinely hate seasons 8 and 9. I think everyone is a dick, particularly but not exclusively Dean, to the point where I just find it a bummer to watch. I mean, you get Benny, and I love Benny. You get, I dunno, bits and bobs of decent episodes, but overall they are very fucked up seasons in my opinion. So Carver era is on thin fucking ice with me, but I do think you start to get a rebound in season 10 with the Mark of Cain stuff, although I wish they'd managed to keep Cain around longer. All the really good Claire stuff starts happening, which is nice because Claire, but also because for once the show is really letting itself go back and deal with the mess these protagonists leave behind them constantly. Castiel and Claire have maybe the most interesting non-Winchester relationship on the show. Oh, and Rowena shows up around here too, right? Love her. So the back half of Carver, 10 and 11, are starting to really gain traction for me. The world is building outward, secondary characters are starting to be genuine characters in their own right, the politics of Heaven and Hell get a little richer and more interesting. The show is really starting to feel like it takes place in a universe, which is great because we love the Frigging Winchesters, but they shouldn't be the only thing going, right? We have 15 seasons to get through! Season 11 is basically bracketed by what are probably my two favorite Supernatural episodes: Baby and Don't Call Me Shurley. (I think I'm the world's only living Metatron fan; I fucking love that little dude.)

Dabb takes over in 12, and I really, really, genuinely love season 12. I fucking love Mary. There are so many episodes I adore -- Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox is a special favorite of mine, and I remain pissed off that the Banes twins never made it to recurring status, bluntly that feels wildly racist to me -- probably the best three-episode streak in the show is Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets to Regarding Dean to Stuck In the Middle (With You), three just almost perfect episodes. So I was poised to really love the Dabb era. I wanted to! My body was ready!

And I do really love the first chunk of season 13, the Widow Winchester arc. Obviously I'm a romantic, love that for me, but it's just also really good? The acting, the writing, the psychological complexity of Dean wanting Jack to be Bad so he has an outlet for his anger and Sam wanting Jack to be Good so he can retroactively parent himself and raise a Lucifer-tainted child who isn't crippled by self-loathing. Billie's great, and it looks like she's going to start being one of the major powers of the universe. Unfortunately -- with the occasional exception of this or that solid episode -- that's kind of the end of Pretty Good Supernatural. Season 13 kind of unravels; season 14 always feels like it's looking for itself (which is a bummer, because I wanted very much to care about Michael); season 15 is, idk. Idk about any of it, it's all pretty pointless. I feel bad complaining on some level, because the show's been on for like fourteen years at this point! It's kinda justified in feeling a little worn out. But the reality is that the later seasons systematically undo all the expansion that had excited me earlier -- the Wayward Sisters crew pretty much vanishes when the spinoff isn't picked up, Naomi and the angels stop doing anything, Crowley's gone, Mary's gone for much of it. We're just kind of futzing around with monsters who don't seem to matter (very much including Lucifer, who hasn't mattered in ages) and a lot of Jack, who. I try not to shit all over, because I know he's a popular character, but I find him just ungodly boring. Everything in the last two and a half season just feels like it's headed nowhere in particular, and also it bored me. The Empty deal is just sadness porn; it doesn't have any resonance or meaning in terms of Castiel's character, it's just him agreeing to die for his kid, which is okay, it means he's a loving dad, which he is, but there's no conflict there, ergo no real drama. It's just mean; it happens because it'll make us sad, and no other reason. Rowena is the only strong secondary character left, and her ending also doesn't feel particularly relevant to her, it's just a generic Sacrifice to Save the World. Everything just feels like they're autogenerating plotlines, rather than letting the actual needs and drives of the characters shape the narrative. So while I have this weird split personality with Carver where I either hate what he's doing or I love it, most of the Dabb era is just. There. It doesn't make me feel anything except kind of tired and embarrassed. Which is a bummer, because I have an inexplicable fondness for Dabb, probably just because of how much I love s12. I wanted to love his seasons! I did love his first season! I feel like maybe something happened when the CW rejected Wayward Sisters? I know that was kind of his darling, and it feels like maybe losing that kind of sucked the joy out of him, and he's kind of checked-out by the end. That's genuinely just my guess, however.

That's Professor Milo's Intro to Supernatural Studies, don't forget to fill out your course survey on the way out!

[lucymarion]

media that i have consumed in 2022

now that i have a mind of my own, i have decided to track every single piece of media that i will be consuming in 12 months before 2022 ends! this list will contain everything that i started, finshed and currently reading/watching and my thoughts about the said thing!!!!!!! i have 2 write mos (my own summary) too ^^

shows:

1. SUPERNATURAL - 10.2021 ~

currently rewatching (1st rewatch)

my rating: 96/100

did i cry: hell yes babe tears were falling snot all over my shirt and the aftershocks were painful i was probably crying over carry on for weeks. just seeing screenshots from that episode makes me go FUCK HERE WE GO tears fall lets go :D

mos: two attractive brothers hunting monsters all over usa !!!! they have severe daddy issues that gets mended eventually as the story continues and they have this weird sexual tension between each other that WE WILL NOT BE TALKING ABOUT. they have a rebel fallen angel beside them and they are besties with the king of hell, a powerful old witch which i adore with all of my heart and God himself (pero their relationship got sour and they took his power in the end and then raised another God)

my favorite characters: sam winchester, dean winchester, castiel, crowley, rowena macleod, lucifer, charlie bradbury, gabriel, real world michael/adam, ruby

my favorite episode: season 11 episode 4: baby

-

2. DAREDEVIL - 12.2021 ~

currently watching

my rating: 74/100 (01.02.2022)

-

3. PLEASE DON’T BULLY ME, NAGATORO - 12.31.2021 ~

currently watching

my rating: 82/100 (01.02.2022)

-

4. KILLING EVE (S1-3) - 01.05.2022 ~ 01.07.2022

finished

my rating: 95/100

did i cry: nope (01.07.2022)

mos: hot russian girl is an assassin that is very good at her career meets a curly haired asian girl that works for the british intelligence. hot russian assassin thinks curly haired asian girl's hair is amazing so she stalks her and curly haired asian is obsessed with interesting crimes that hot russian assassin makes so they form an obsessive, codependent bond with each other! (01.7.2022)

remarks: when i tell you that some scenes are so fucking sensual...... like... r rated straight up copied from a branded porn with heavy storylines I SWEAR TO GODDDD . AND THEY DONT EVEN HAVE A SEX SCENE IN THIS DAMN SHOW !!! WTF!!!!!!!!! honestly i havent even started my 2022 yet im still revving up but despite that this is probably the best show i have EVER watched . but then again i always say that to ever fucking show i watch so i cant really trust my judgement LMFAO. STILL ,, its great, the slowburn and the edging they give the audience is GREAT, the way theyre always close to each other without them realizing ,,, and the outfits??? the locations?????? villanelle hot girl assassin i would pay her to kill me personally NNGDHFBFNF i love this show sm i regret not watching this sooner ^_^ (01.07.2022)

favorite character: villanelle, eve polastri, konstantin, kenny stowton, carolyn (01.08.2022)

favorite episode: it doesnt have standalone episodes so there's really nothing to rewatch on its own, but the episode that really stood up for me was 2x07 wide awake :D (01.07.2022)

my fave ep now is 3x08 (01.08.2022)

-

5. WANDAVISION - 01.08.2022 ~ 01.09.2022

finished

my rating: 91/100

did i cry: teary eyed yes haha esp dun sa scene na hinawakan ni wanda yung sirang forehead ni vision tapos sabi niya ‘i can’t feel you’ taposss when she opened the title para dun sa bahay nila vision :’D but no, no sobs, no tears fell

mos: wanda my girlfriend created a false reality and hostaged a town to escape everything that happened before endgame :D it was fun and cute until all the scary cuts and fourth wall breaks ahaha i am scarred

remarks: this just reminded me that i have to rewatch the mcu because i already forgot where some of the stones where from!!!! and it was just .. depressing. damn like seeing wanda break like that WITHOUT HER KNOWING?? thats scary. anywaze it was great i loved it i love vision hes hot ahahaha AND DARCY KNNREEBRJBAKJB luv it

favorite character: wanda maximoff, vision, jimmy woo, monica rambeau, darcy lewis, agatha harkness

favorite episode: probably episode 3 because that where it all fell down

-

6. THE VAMPIRE DIARIES - 01.08.2022 ~

currently watching

my rating: 71/100 (01.13.2022)

did i cry: no (01.13.2022)

mos: elena gilbert sad beautiful girl falls in love with a century old vampire and gets tangled with their family issues (01.13.2022)

remarks: 

favorite character: elena gilbert, caroline, bonnie, damon salvatore, stefan salvatore

-

movies:

1. TICK, TICK... BOOM! - 01.02.2022 ~ 01.04.2022

finished

my rating: 98/100

did i cry:  there was tears LMAO i was Crying like the back of my throat started aching because i watched this sa tindahan and i cant sob

mos: 29 year old jonathan larson spent 8 years writing his musical and then questions if he made the right career choice down the way

my favorite character: 

- rosa: tbh, i didnt like rosa at the start kase it felt like she was just pushing jon away LMAO but then when she gave that advice to jon she really is just that person that got cold after being in the industry for so fucking long. love that, i like her

- karessa: SHE IS SO PRETTY 

- michael: you dk how much i cried for him

-

2. ETERNALS - 01.13.2022

finished

my rating: 65/100

did i cry: no

mos: the eternals, which are superextraultrahumans made to protect humans from deviants, fight for the safety of earth and for their freedom

remarks: it was good! it was very superhero movie. its honestly a downer im not even going to try and lie here i was honestly disappointed. idk what i was expecting but it the experience wasnt that memorable

my favorite character: thena, sersi, gilgamesh

-

books:

1. CHERRY by Mary Karr - 01.02.2022 ~

currently reading

my rating: 64/100 (01.02.2022)

-

honorable mentions:

1.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 207

King of the Damned

Truly, I could not have planned this weekend of HNT better. We’ve got David Tenant back tomorrow AND Metatron trying to convince an angel to help him fix heaven in TWO series…on GO2 release weekend

“King of the Damned”

Plot Description: Castiel captures one of Metatron’s angels and asks Sam and Dean for help. Meanwhile, Abaddon demands that Crowley help her kill Sam and Dean

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: as far as I know, I have no connection to anyone Abaddon personally wants dead, so I might be alright. That said, if she decided to kill me, she’s more than welcome to

Oh…these are all angels, and…this one’s being STUPIDLY braggy

Right? Like, don’t go around bragging about how you’re the right hand man for Metatron. Most angels don’t like him

I’m tired of Cas being forced into leadership roles. He fucks it up every time, but angels can’t help but want to follow him.

Cas showing affection still makes my heart melt. Omg. Please. Saying another angel can “be a little stuffy.”

I’m never going to be 100% comfortable with the interrogation (*coughtorturecough*) scenes, but now that the Mark of Cain is amplifying Dean’s actions, I’m even less comfortable with them

CROWLEY’S IN CLEVELAND?!?! …that’s not a real hotel here. (So after some research, looks like it’s modeled after a hotel that used to be here? Or is under a different name here and is super haunted apparently?? Because I needed to make sure before I posted this)

“Nobody in the history of torture has been tortured with the torture you’ll be tortured with” real dialogue from Crowley

Oh…that guy from the first five minutes was Crowley’s son. Ooooo, ok. I take it back. Abaddon can have a scene where she’s doing the torturing, as a treat

Omg. Forget playing whatever music for a Victorian orphan. Just be the king of hell, have your son from 200-some years ago get brought to 2015 or some shit and tell him you traded your soul for three extra inches of dick. It’s even better

Ok…I THOUGHT they left him fine…good to have that confirmation (I’ve been drinking wine so it…was a possibility i missed something)

Oh!! We get (possibly) our first mention of Rowena, Crowley’s mom!!

WHAT HAPPENS TO THE SHIP, CROWLEY??

The way Cas sees some of himself in Gadreel is kinda cool

Uh oh boyyyyyyys, you got a hellhound on your tail?? Omg the way Crowley effortlessly controls it, but like…why was it there in the first place?

Idk I think Sam should take the blade. Like the few moments a different Sam had the One Ring. What if we get a “I can’t carry it but I can carry you” moment for these two??

Wait. Is Crowley’s son’s name actually Kevin? That makes all his torture of Kevin Tran even more SO SICK AND TWISTEEEEEEED. SICK AND TWISTED.

Also, who’s gonna tell this guy he’s already IN and actually PAST “the colonies”

Oh hell yeah!! I love that Abaddon pulled the “devils trap bullet” trick on Crowley while waiting for the Winchesters (I will be so sad to see her go and for however the boys take her out…)

I may not go downtown a whole lot but this…does not look like Cleveland

…but the power of the One Ring First Blade cannot be denied

Please tell me he’s—he’s gonna Jedi mind trick the Blade into his hand.

Please don’t show her too much…I know the First Blade is corrupting Dean but he didn’t need to stab her that much. So thankfully they didn’t linger on the wounds. RIP Abaddon 😭😭😭 you will be sorely missed by me

GAVIN MAKES WAY MORE SENSE FOR AN OLDE TIMEY NAME!!!! But it did sound a LOT like Kevin

Jesus, Deeeeeean. You’re allowed to go it alone but Sam always needs your help and intervention?? The way you’re saying this like y’all could afford to NOT close the gates of hell…I’m usually a Dean apologist, but Sam is in the right here.

Well, now you’re just being an ass by not allowing the blade out of your sight…

[casgetoutofmyass0907]

A Heavenly Wedding

Summary: (Supernatural Finale Spoilers!!) What else could you want besides a big Destiel wedding at Harvelle’s in Heaven, on Valentine’s Day?! Every one is formally invited expect for John and Mary Winchester for obvious reasons. It’s about time these two finally got hitched.

For the sake of this fic everyone got a get into heaven free card for the day, because I know that some of these people are in Hell, Purgatory, or The Empty :). Thanks Jack for making that possible!

ART AT THE END :)

He couldn’t tell if it was nerves or excitement, but Dean’s hands were shaking as he struggled to tie his tie. He had done it a million times before, but today was different. Today, he was getting married. Dean never thought that he would get married, let alone get married to his best friend.

How he couldn’t manage to tie a simple knot he didn’t know, but his frustration got the better of him and he pulled the tie from his neck and threw it onto a nearby chair.

“Really Dean?” Charlie walked into the room as Dean plopped himself into another chair, careful to avoid the flowers and balloons that were tied on the side of it.

“I can’t even tie my damn tie, how am I supposed to walk down an aisle in front of everyone and get married?” Dean let his head fall into his hands and he rubbed at his temples in frustration.

“Dean, a tie and getting married are nothing alike. You’re going to get your ass out there and marry that angel, and it’s going to be beautiful. Now get up.” Charlie had retrieved the discarded tie and was now standing in front of Dean.

Dean groaned and stood up, reaching to take the tie from Charlie. Before he could she reached her hands around Dean’s neck and began to tie the red fabric in a simple knot. “Thank you, Charlie. You’re the best Best Man I could have asked for.”

“You already knew that from your Bachelor party.” Charlie gave Dean a wink and tightened his tie.

Dean grimaced as he remembered the party that had taken place only a few nights before. “I can’t believe you got me to drink Tequila and sing shitty karaoke.” Dean acted like he was holding back vomit before he continued, “Never again.”

“What, the tequila or the karaoke? I thought you liked karaoke?” Charlie grinned at Dean, knowing that she had trapped him in a corner.

“The tequila. I do like karaoke, but not mixed with tequila and a bunch of rowdy hunters in the back room of the Roadhouse.”

“Whatever, I know you liked it.”

Charlie made her way over to a mirror and began messing with her hair. She had curled it and Cas helped her braid two sections that were pulled to the back of her head and secured with a hairpin that was shaped like angel wings. She pulled a few strands loose from the braid to frame her face when Dean walked up and gave her a hug from behind. “Thank you for everything, kiddo.”

Charlie turned herself around in Dean’s embrace to give him a proper hug. “You’re welcome.” She pulled away from him and a smile spread across her lips. “Let’s go get you married!”

Dean blushed slightly and smiled as Charlie practically skipped to the door with glee. Dean took a deep breath and smoothed the front of his suit jacket before following Charlie outside.

Everyone in the wedding party was standing on the front porch of Harvelle’s talking and laughing as they waited for Dean to join them. When he opened the door and stepped outside all eyes were on him. Bobby was the first to give him a tight hug “I’m proud of you Dean.”

“Thanks, Bobby. I’m pretty lucky.” Dean said as he returned the hug.

Bobby was wearing a plain black suit similar to Dean's, the only exception being that Dean was wearing a red tie while Bobby’s was black. Charlie and Meg were wearing simple white dresses paired with red flannel, Jack was wearing a pink suit and a white tie with little pink hearts on it. Where Cas managed to conjure that up Dean didn’t know, but Jack was happy showing off his outfit to everyone. Claire was also there to walk down the aisle with Jack, she wore a dress to match Jack’s tie. Claire had reluctantly agreed to wear the dress Jack had picked out only when seeing how excited he was to match with his sister.

Everyone was buzzing with excitement as they prepared to walk down the aisle. A piano version of Carry on Wayward Son began to play over the speakers, signaling that it was time to start the ceremony. Claire and Jack walked down the aisle first, Jack tossing handfuls of rose petals every couple of steps. Charlie and Meg walked down next, as Charlie was Dean’s best man and Meg was Cas’s. Then it was time for Dean to make his way to the altar. He walked alongside Bobby who was giving him away in place of his real father, Bobby had earned the right more so than John.

When Dean and Bobby rounded the corner to the backside of the roadhouse everyone stood up. The grass lawn had rows of white chairs lined along either side of the aisle, red and pink ribbon tied in bows on the chairs closest to the aisle. Rose petals were now scattered along the white fabric that served as the aisle walkway. Dean’s admiration of the decorations quickly faded when he laid his eyes on Cas, who stood proudly at the altar.

Cas was dressed in a black suit to match Dean, but his tie was pink instead of red. His blue eyes seemed to shine brighter than they ever had when he saw Dean start making his way to him. Dean began walking down the aisle as all of his loved ones watched, but the only one that he could focus on was Cas. He had to hold himself back from running up the aisle and kissing Cas right then and there, he was going to do this properly.

The walk to Cas seemed to take ages, but when they finally made it Bobby gave Dean a smile and a pat on the shoulder before taking his place next to Charlie and Claire. Dean returned the smile and looked back to Cas. His perfect angel stood in front of him, the sun shining through his hair accentuating the brown highlights that were hard to see in the black strands. Blue eyes stared deep into green ones, both full of love and happiness.

Jody was officiating the wedding and began to read off the vows as Dean took Cas’s hands in his. Dean’s eyes never left Cas’s, it was like it was just the two of them there as they read off their vows, every word laced with truth.

“Do you Castiel take Dean Winchester to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.” Those two words made Dean’s stomach fill with butterflies, he would remember them for the rest of eternity.

“And do you, Dean Winchester, take Castiel to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.”

“By the power vested in me by Harvelle’s I now pronounce you Mr. Castiel and Dean Winchester. You may kiss your angel.”

And Dean did. He kissed Cas and even pulled him into a stereotypical wedding dip, to which Cas chuckled against Dean’s lips. Cheers and applause roared from the crowd and Dean stood Cas upright again. “I love you,” Dean said.

“I love you too.”

~~~~~

The Roadhouse was definitely overcapacity as everyone flooded inside and began to dance and drink, taking turns to congratulate Dean and Cas. Everyone was there, Sam and Eileen, Donna and Jody, Claire, Kaia, Alex, Ellen, Jo, Ash, Charlie, Meg, Benny, Rowena, Crowley, Kevin, Missouri, Gabriel, Jess, Rufus, Patience, Bobby, Garth, and Bess. Everyone that mattered was there to celebrate their marriage.

Dean and Cas were sitting at a table that was covered with roses and little heart-shaped chocolates, eating cherry pie in place of wedding cake. They observed the sea of flannel in front of them, picking out familiar faces in the crowd of people, some of whom neither of them had ever seen before.

Dean threw his napkin on top of his plate after finishing his pie when Sam and Eileen walked up to the table. “Hey guys, just wanted to say congratulations.”

Dean got up from the table to hug his brother while Cas got up to hug Eileen. “Thanks, Sammy, it means a lot.”

“I’m happy for you.” Sam pulled away from his brother to pat Cas on the back “You got your Valentine’s Day wedding I see. How’d you manage to talk him into that one?”

Cas chuckled at Sam’s comment. “He agreed to the big pink and red wedding on Valentine’s Day as long as the dress code was flannel. I thought it was a fair compromise, though I’m sure he would have done it anyway.” Cas winked at Dean which made Dean’s cheeks turn red slightly.

“You know I would have married you in the back of the Impala the other night when we were-“

“Okay! I don’t need details.” Sam interrupted and grimaced at the image that Dean had implanted in his head.

Dean and Cas both laughed and Sam shook his head. The screech of feedback from a microphone echoed through the air as Ash and Ellen stood up on the bar. “Sorry about that, but it’s time for their first dance,” Ellen said into the mic, her voice echoing through Harvelle’s.

“Yeah, clear a path people, let the grooms in,” Ash added.

Everyone cleared to the sides of the room, leaving a path for Dean and Cas to make their way to the middle of the makeshift dance floor. Music started flooding the room, the song I Would For You by Lauren Duski playing through the speakers. Dean and Cas had agreed on the song for the first dance, but the rest of the music during the reception would be more Dean’s style, classic rock.

“May I have this dance?” Dean asked as he extended a hand towards Cas.

“Yes, you may.” Cas took Dean’s hand and placed his other hand on Dean’s shoulder.

Dean’s free hand made its way to Cas’s waist as they swayed to the music.

I wouldn’t let down my walls

I wouldn’t let myself fall

I wouldn’t risk it all on love again

I wouldn’t pick up the phone

I wouldn’t drive through the night

I wouldn’t answer the door at 3 am

Cas laid his head on Dean’s chest as they continued to dance. Dean began to sing along to the song quietly, only Cas could hear him.

No, I wouldn’t

No, but I would for you

Give you all of my time

Lay my heart on the line

I’d even walk through a fire

I would for you

Dean took the opportunity to spin Cas around before pulling him slope to him again and they both continued singing along.

Be the strong when you’re weak

Be the truth you believe

Be the more than you need

I would for you

Dean couldn’t think of a more perfect moment than this. Dancing with Cas, his husband, at their wedding in Heaven at Harvelle’s surrounded by all of their family and friends.

“I love you, Angel,” Dean said as he placed his forehead to Cas’s.

“I love you too.”

Happy Wedding Day everyone!!! 

I can’t believe our boys are finally getting married!!!

Have a fantastic Valentine’s Day :)