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beeradgirlfriend-archived · 3 years ago

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Re-dressing

Day 4 Epilogue (a post canon ficlet of identity and of course makeup) @justcastiel

It was a warm, soft Sunday morning in late August. The sharp peppermint toothpaste filled the air, and the taste fills Dean’s mouth.

“Mmm, morning.” Cas padded up quietly, wrapping his arms tightly around Dean’s waist.

“Morning, sunshine,” Dean said around his toothbrush.

Cas’ bare chest was solid and warm against his worn shirt. The contact always felt liquid with the tingling of a whiskey. Cas rested his chin on Dean’s shoulder, his hair brushing against Dean’s neck.

Their eyes met in the mirror.

“Beautiful,” Cas whispered, the syllables downy in his ear.

Dean chuckled, “You landed yourself a handsome devil, huh”

Cas shakes his head lightly, “No, I said beautiful.”

Dean’s stomach twitched with the repetition.

“Beautiful,” Cas placed a kiss on Dean’s neck, “beautiful,” his lips reach Dean’s jaw, “beautiful.” one final kiss on his cheek. Then he untangled himself and grab his toothbrush from the counter.

Dean spit, “Why do you always say shit like that, man?”

“Because it’s true,” it came out garbled, hindered by toothpaste, “and I think you like it, actually.”

“Yeah, maybe so,” Dean admits.

Cas raises his eyebrows, before rinsing his mouth.

“You,” Dean starts to get a little red, “there was a long time I hated that-- beautiful, pretty—but now, I don’t know.”

Cas looks at him softly, his fingers toying with the short hair at the nape of his neck.

Dean hesitated for a moment, “Actually, there was a bit, when I was on my own, I took a little pride in it too.”

Cas looked at him inquisitively, head cocked.

“Yeah, get dressed up and shit, go out.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, women’d act different around me, and men, well…” he trailed off.

“Because you dressed nice?” Cas seemed confused.

“Umm, well I’d you know put on a little makeup too.” He glanced at Cas, “Just a little” he added hurriedly.

“And you enjoyed that?” It was a sincere question, but a judgment, but perhaps laced with a touch of surprise.

“Yeah. Switch up my style a bit and I guess I felt pretty like that.” Dean looked down, “You know some women didn’t go for it but some did, and those more my style anyway, ended up with a coupla guys like that too.” At that, he looked up and wiggled his eyebrows at Cas.

“I’d like to see you like that” Cas said gently, “dress up, makeup, I mean.”

Dean muttered, “Yeah, well, it’s more of a young man’s game.”

“I think you’d look very attractive like that still.” Cas moved forward to kiss Dean before he had a response.

A few days later, Dean was ambling through the brightly lit aisles of the grocery store. He stopped to grab a fresh tube of toothpaste. As he turned around he saw a small selection. He puzzled over it for a moment, and then reach for a black eyeliner pencil, and a small iridescent tube of lipgloss.

With that continued his shopping, picking up food for dinner. It would just be him and Cas tonight, Sam and Eileen had a weekly date night.

Arriving back at the bunker, he met Cas in the garden.

“Hey, I’m back. Dinner’ll be at 7. You be done out here by then?” Dean nodded in the direction of Cas’ summer harvest.

“I can be.” Cas stood up. “Thank you, my love.” He called as Dean turn back to the house. Dean only barely rolled his eyes at the endearment.

Dean busied himself preparing the food, music blasting. The food was ready quickly, just before 6:30, and Dean wrapped it deftly in tinfoil. Before he headed off for a brief shower. He starred at his reflection for a while, messing with his dripping hair. Lately, he’d stopped wearing product in it, since without Cas was more likely to run his hands through it if it was silky and smooth. But tonight wasn’t about that. He reached for the container and ran his fingers through his hair, it had grown out a little and was about the same length as in the old days, so it was spiked just the way he used to.

He took a breath and then took the eyeliner in his hand, at one point, he’d gotten good at this. With more focus and precision than it took him to clean his weapons, he lined his eye, smudging until it was just right. Next, he grabbed the gloss and ran it over his lips.

He looked at himself again, long and hard, he looked older for sure, but it was still there. That energy he’d at on his own for the first time. Enjoying his freedom. No, it wasn’t still there, he’d losted it over the years, but after getting Cas back he managed to regain it a little.

He tried not to think about what John would say anymore. The only people who matter to him now were far more concerned with Dean being alive and happy than what he wore and whom he slept with. Well, he laughed, Cas actually was very concerned with whom he slept with, but that was different.

He started to get dressed. He still had an old pair of fishnet tights, that just fit him. He decided on a pair of battered jeans and a black t-shirt over that to keep it simple, and old pair of black boots that weren’t his usual work boots.

“Dean? Where are you? I finished outside.” Heard Cas call down the hall.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” his heart started beating faster. “Food’s covered, you can set the table.”

“Perfect,” Cas yelled back.

Dean stepped towards that door, nervous. If 20-year-old Dean could wander around bars in the 90s like this, 42-year-old Dean could eat dinner with his partner like this. The door creaked open, and he was barely thinking as he walk to the kitchen.

“I took the liberty of dish the food too,” Cas said as he placed the second plate on the table, “I hope the master chef doesn’t mind… Oh…” He had looked up.

He blinked for a moment, “Oh I do like this.”

Dean chuckled, “Yeah,” he posed a little.

Cas walked over, “I like this even more than I thought.”

The dark liner accentuated Dean’s heavy lashes and vibrant eyes, the gloss directed eyes to his lips which shimmer in the kitchen light.

Cas’ eyes got that bright look, and Dean could tell he was about to start seeping compliments and affection, so before he could Dean kissed him. When he pulled back, Cas pushed forward angling for another kiss. Dean hesitated.

“What?” Cas asked softly.

“Got lipgloss on you” he grumbled.

Cas blinked, “Isn’t that the point?”

“What,” Dean looked confused.

“That’s part of the appeal right, leaving lipstick stains?” Cas’ defense was about to fully launch.

“Oh, uh, I guess. Not quite the same effect with this.” Dean shrugged.

Cas moved forward again, “Well, maybe next time you’ll wear lipstick for me then”

“Uh-huh,” Dean was passed responding, aiming for another kiss. He kissed Cas’ jaw and was started down his neck before Cas spoke.

“We should probably save this for later. We don’t want to waste your lovely meal.”

Dean groaned, breaking away.

“You do look beautiful though” Cas cupped Dean’s cheek.

“Thank you.” He whispered.

They stood for a moment before moving to the table.

“Whole outfit isn’t the same without the piercings though.” Dean sighed as they sat.

“Sorry, the what?” Cas’ eyes widened a bit.

“The piercings, but I guess that can also be for next time.” Dean grinned at him.

Epilogue to an epilogue

“Hey, kid.” Dean land on the couch next to Claire.

“Hey”

“Well, how’s it going?” He angled for conversation.

“Fine, Cas told me about your midlife crisis thing,” she smirked.

“When your a hunter your luck to get to have one—“ He trailed off, “Hey, what thing?”

Claire motion towards the earrings Dean had collected in the past few months.

“That and the makeup.” She stated

“Oh,” Dean looked at the ground.

“Anyway, I got you this.” She threw a small bag in his lap.

As he opened it she grumbled, “Figured you might want some other shit, you know.” She pointed at the gold eye pencil, “that’s one of Alex’s favorites, didn’t steal it from her, I promise. And that one’s just black but it’s a bigger pencil so it’s easier to smudge around. Cas said you like that look.” She motioned towards the last item, a small round of dark red eyeshadow, “I use red sometimes, mix it with the black liner to get that emo look or whatever.”

Dean starred at small containers in his lap.

“Anyway, if you don’t want it, tell me so I can get my money back,” Claire spoke quickly.

There was a moment of silence between them.

“No, I’ll use it,” Dean said softly.

“Cool.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Dean turned to look at her, “Hug?”

“Getting soft in your old age,” she laughed, and then, “sure.”

Claire had forgotten how good of a hugger Dean was. He wrapped her tight but not crushing. They broke apart as Cas came over and laid a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“Dude, I can’t believe you told her.” Dean scolded Cas.

“About the makeup?” Cas inquired.

Claire rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, about the makeup.”

Claire pushed off from the couch, “Right, unless you need me to show you how to use that, I’m heading to the kitchen. Can’t handle the married couple act.”

Dean reached for her sleeve, “No, wait thank you. Really. And if you want to show me how you do that thing with the eyeshadow, I-“ Claire plopped down.

“Fine, fine, you’re welcome.”

Cas moved to a chair sat opposite them and watched.

“Here close your eyes.” Claire waved her hand.

Cas watched their bickering fondly as Claire shoved Dean’s head in different directions.

“Woah, careful there,” Dean exclaimed.

Claire didn’t respond, just roughly blended the dark liner into the line of red.

“There you go, goth grandpa.” She grinned at him, showing him with her phone’s camera. “All you have to do is just rub the two together.”

Cas beamed at the two of them, deeply absorbed in their own world.

“Cool, great bonding moment, there’s chips and dip in the kitchen, yeah?” Claire stood.

“Of course. No family dinner should be without.” Dean replied.

And with that Claire was gone. Cas floated over and alighted on the arm of the couch nearest Dean.

“Nuh-un, bad for the furniture.” Dean scolded him.

“Scoot over then,” Cas slide down to Dean’s lap.

“You can sit on the other side of me, you know” Dean huffed.

“Yes, but do you want me to?” leaned his head against Dean’s.

“Not really.” Dean’s laugh vibrated through Cas’s body.

Cas turned to face him, studying his face.

“You approve of the kid’s handiwork?” Dean joked.

Cas’ eye burned deep into his skin.

“Yes, very much so.” Cas pressed a kiss against Dean’s lips, “Very pretty.”

“Not very “goth grandpa”?” Dean reached a hand to Cas’ hair.

“No.” Cas shook his head where it rest atop Dean’s, “beautiful”

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septembersghost · 3 years ago

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it's so frustrating how dean is upheld to this moral standard that none of the rest of the characters are within this fandom. there is just an endless stream of meta of how he's a monster, a serial killer, and how "he thinks he's the authority on who lives and who dies" which is like??? sam and cas literally do the same thing!!!! just because they have a few lines of dialogue about it where they say they want to change their ways doesn't matter because they never do!! like at that point, is this not just clearly bad writing instead of a reflection of dean's character, when it's a problem with all of them and not just him??? anyways sorry this is out of nowhere, i just needed to vent deangirl to deangirl i guess 😂💞

i've addressed this a bit before, but it's been a while and honestly it's been on my mind a LOT these last couple of weeks for various reasons, and another deangirl friend and i have been discussing it too. it's also perhaps the primary reason why i've retreated as far as possible without detaching completely from the fandom over the past few months, because it is a constant barrage of meta that is so far from the realm of my interpretation that it becomes unrecognizable, and i find that upsetting in a way that's ruinous to my relationship with the show. i completely agree with you, but want to try and examine it further than that. as you know, usually i write about and focus on dean's transcendent spirit and light because he's so special and important to me, but i want to be clear that this does not dismiss or ignore his darkness and his rage, and i think it's necessary to recognize those aspects of him that exist in tandem with that beauty, because the entire POINT is that the bloodshed and the suffering and loss never destroys his essence, and only serves to define that resolve and resilience further. it's also why i've talked a lot about love not being simple, love being tender because it's healing and salvational, but also having a sharp edge because it's dangerous and tremendous too.

there's a serious issue in fandom with false moral equivocations, and i don't know precisely what causes it. on a base level, supernatural does not function in a black and white moral universe (nor do most stories, nor does reality, but i digress) - it is complicated, and disturbing, and full of murky shadows. it's a horror show. these characters don't exist to teach us virtue lessons. the characters are forced to make difficult decisions and then reconcile with the consequences. we love them, so it's easy to call them our precious sunbeam honey pie heroes - and they are! lol that's fine, i joke that dean did nothing wrong, but i know that isn't actually true - they are all complex and flawed, they can be selfish and reckless, they can be harsh and jerks sometimes, and that's...*gasps* a POSITIVE THING, because it's interesting. because bravery and goodness don't have to be simple, because being wrong sometimes or reactive sometimes doesn't preclude kindness and empathy/sympathy, because situational selfishness doesn't negate inherent selflessness. multiple layers are vital.

every single one of them is a killer. every single one of them has blood on their hands. every single one of them causes deaths and cataclysms, whether unintended or not. collateral damage and destruction follow them, holding it against them at every turn is miserable. i truly do not know how dean gets held up as the monstrous murderer when castiel is guilty of the annihilation of countless of his own kind (among, uh, many other atrocities, cas' damage is incalculable if you want to hold it against him), when sam is every bit as much capable of murderous ruthlessness and vicious fury and vengeance as anyone. is sam drinking innocent people's blood and killing them rather than exorcising them under ruby's influence and the compulsion of his addiction somehow less "terrible" than dean killing a room full of predators who are after claire or a family of supremacists who murder innocents for parts under the influence and compulsion of the mark? dean chooses to save sam rather than allowing him to die closing the gates of hell thus maintaining the status quo of demonic presence endangering the world, sam releases the darkness rather than allowing dean to succumb to the fate of the mark thus creating an entirely new apocalyptic threat, cas goes totally off the rails and releases the leviathan which is catastrophic. where exactly are we drawing the line here? how shall we pick apart tfw's sins and weigh them against their many qualities? which feather tips the scales? it's ridiculous, because it's all erroneous equivalencies that fall apart under scrutiny. you can't just tally up the mistakes and go, well, so-and-so is obviously WORSE! for what reason? that is not how their world operates. dean gets called self-righteous and judgmental, but for every single example of dean being "mean" to anyone, there are examples of the others criticizing, belittling, or berating him too. for every punch dean throws, he gets punches thrown back at him. (not to mention the VAST power imbalance that exists between he and cas specifically, or the vulnerability dean has when it comes to sam and his role within his family.) what use is it to try and claim which "transgression" (ugh) is which?

the winchesters are not serial killers. please. imagine how tired we are. there's an actual definition for that which they do not meet. i say this openly considering a serial killer one of my fave characters (see how my blog has plummeted into revisiting him since november), do i have to call dex and get him to wrap the fandom in plastic while i explain why the boys are not serial killers? how hunting =/= to that terminology? how if you look at hunting as straight up murder (it isn't) the entire premise collapses? and somehow it's dean specifically who gets that label...for what? the mark? purgatory? being treated as a soldier from the age of four? it's a completely unbalanced perspective that lacks any nuance or comprehension of narrative intent and thematic meaning.

furthermore, there is an intrinsic problem in the narrative where dean is often objectively correct, yet the narrative frames it like he's wrong. this happens particularly with his emotional reactions, where they portray it like he's worse and more damaging to others in his responses than whatever happened that hurt him. it's an unusual issue and it causes this cognitive dissonance, because a majority of the weighted responsibility is laid on dean, so if there's a catastrophe, dean is at fault. his place as caretaker also ends up being...almost scapegoating at times, which, again, isn't absolving him of the things he does do, but the actions of others should not be on him, yet often sometimes are. his parentification is a partial reason for this imo, but the narrative itself has issues acknowledging that, and the demands and sublimation and forced obedience and sacrifice imposed on him by john that reverberate through his arc from beginning to end are a whole other essay unto themselves.

when i was talking about him to my friend the other day, we were discussing his trauma responses - dean has specific ways he reacts to his trauma/ptsd that all make sense for who he is - grief, self-hatred, guilt, anger, numbing through alcohol, it all aligns, but it isn't..."perfect." to use his propensity for violence as an example, it doesn't do him any favors to ignore the fact that he does thrive in those situations, that he does get a rush from both giving and receiving threat, but it's because of the structure of his entire life. he was shaped to feel worth in that way, forced to see violence as constructive and necessary in that way, and the best response he can give to that situation, to not have it be incapacitating with fear, is to master it, or at least pretend to. but that's not the nice, easy reaction of victimhood. it's not the "blameless" reaction that's seen as pure and acceptable (which, btw, applies to nobody in spn). it's messy. he can thrive in it while simultaneously being brutalized by it. there's a flipside of this in his humor and his ability to find joy in the smallest, silliest of things, because he endures the bleakness of his life however he can. it is never one condition, but he gets unfortunately debased and judged for those very understandable responses.

dean also doesn't always do compassion in an easy, simplistic way. on occasion his acts of empathy are blunt. this doesn't make them less empathetic (it could be argued it makes those actions MORE so, because of his desire that an aspect of his care towards others is the truth. and before anyone comes for me, yes, he also lies to his loved ones when he deems it necessary, but so do sam and cas, because, again, no one here is ever simple or a single aspect), but it's easy to feel like that straightforwardness isn't gentle enough, despite the fact that it typically comes from a necessary and caring place. it's something that i, as a very shy and gentle person irl myself, tend to value in him. i know that honesty gets read as mere toughness, but it isn't. he exists in a world where every moment can be of the essence, can be the blink between getting out alive or not, so the delivery of his compassion needs to be direct and useful. when there's space to be soft, we do see it. there's a relinquishment of safety, home, connections, because of their nomadic life and its hazards, but dean is continually and deeply drawn to people.

"my peace is helping people" is true, and so is the clarity he gets from aiming a weapon, because they're inextricable. saving people is first, the caveat being...you can't save the people if you don't hunt things.

the absolute HYPOCRISY of some of these double standards gets into a total quagmire of convoluted reasoning because you just cannot break apart their choices in that manner. (~they say they want to change their behavior~! okay, and? they usually don't. i'm supposed to believe platitude lines thrown out to sort of moralize that are then instantly ignored are worth more than acknowledging the shit that's been done? that doesn't even make sense. they live with overwhelming forms of self-loathing and remorse because of it, but let's not pretend the ingrained patterns of behavior don't repeat. besides, isn't that part of the appeal? yeah, they make choices out of desperation and extremely messed up attachment, and we want to see them keep risking it all for one another. and i'd do it again, as said sam.) it erodes the narrative to even try to strike one thing against another when every action is dependent upon intensely difficult situations and individual characterization (which isn't always even consistent from one writer to the next. hi, you're watching supernatural). i'm also uninterested in turning this into a who-did-what-wrong-when because that's precisely the issue with these circular arguments. (your post the other day: ""they did a horrible thing!" yes well. this is the doing horrible things show what's not clicking." say it louder.)

how dean gets the "monster" label when he's defined by his humanity is baffling. (to quote my friend, "he's also considered responsible for everyone's humanity," which is true and loops back into every burden being on him. this is a responsibility put on him from childhood and that never goes away.) dean is the pulsing emblem of humanity, that's not an accident. this isn't to say he isn't "other" - he absolutely is, but his otherness (his freakishness, which he owns) is fundamentally human. the necessary gravity of that is there for us to further understand sam's struggles and cas' rebellion and literally name a character and put them here because in one way or another, they're almost all pulled towards and illuminated or contrasted by dean's human center. his very being acting as the antithesis of "monstrousness" as defined by the story thus becomes its own inimitable and unique, even unnerving, thing. it doesn't make him...god? (which i've seen him inaccurately accused of playing), but the narrative quite often WANTS him to be the decisive authority (the righteous man) because of his integral humanness, and then shames him for it. this leads to discord, because any rejection or even slight that he passes, anger he carries, hurt he expresses, then feels like a forsaking of sam or cas themselves when that's never the case (he'd die for them, i don't know how much clearer he's ever supposed to make that. which is not even acknowledging the fact that he, you know, literally does die on numerous occasions, but who here hasn't?). when sam or cas feel repudiated, there are audience members who i think feel that way too. the emotional complications tend to get muddied. also, these characters rarely talk things out, because they're disasters, because there's no time, and also because, often, they simply don't NEED to because they get it, and each other, and are able to move on, but it bristles with the audience because we don't get (i don't like this word, but i'm going to use it) closure. things hang in the air unsaid and unsettled and we have this longing to see conversations and forgiveness that happens implicitly instead of explicitly, but because of that, idk i think there are viewers who try to keep a running, incorrect tally and hold grudges. (i recently saw someone tweet that the rebar "did its job," because of dean saying, "nobody cares that you're broken, clean up your mess," which is just the most insane ignorance of context and reason and eventual reconciliation, and it's always wild to me because cas would revile that take. cas would brandish a blade for that take. sam would likewise be appalled by every single post that calls dean his abuser and insinuates that he had to be "free" of him, when sam reiterated over and over again that he was choosing his life with his brother. it's awful and it ends up being an insult and degradation to the very characters they're claiming to stan. it flattens them out and steals their motivations.) that said, dean apologizes repeatedly. dean admits when he's wrong or when he needs help repeatedly. dean confesses his experiences and is emotionally truthful repeatedly. dean shoulders every burden he can repeatedly. dean puts himself on the line repeatedly. what else is he supposed to do?

(it perhaps isn't germane to the topic at hand, but i'm going to say this anyway because it's very important and apparently needs to be remembered - the entire world would've roasted had dean not shown up at the cemetery in swan song. they roll the dice and they LOSE. cas and bobby both resign themselves to it being the end. that battle is over, apocalypse now, world ender baby, if dean doesn't roll up in the impala and say, "howdy, boys," like he isn't facing the two supreme archangels. if he doesn't get beaten half to death by the terror wearing his brother's face and say, "i'm here. i'm not gonna leave you." dean being incapable of letting sam face that alone, dean loving him ceaselessly and being loyal and every fiber in him needing to be on that battlefield is the only reason sam was able to wrest control over lucifer in those defining moments, and of course it's because that love is reciprocated, and sam breaks through for dean. i know i've written about swan song multiple times and i say this like a record on repeat, but love is THE defining act of free will. every time. every single time.)

humanity is multitudinous, and thus so is dean. erase an aspect of it and you're immediately removing an essential element. furiously nitpick one aspect of it and you're superficially ignoring every other vital piece.

is this not just clearly bad writing instead of a reflection of dean's character, when it's a problem with all of them and not just him??? <- exactly. a lot of it is poor writing and unclear development from one writer to the next because they had trouble staying on track in that room (for whatever reason), but there are still defining traits and through-lines that can be found and understood, and dean's (to me) are particularly evident.

"critical" fandom is an incredibly unfair, oddly puritanical, point of view, but maybe worse than that, it's boring. it is so, so very boring. it doesn't allow any space for nuance. it doesn't allow for any depth. psycho control freak dean who imposes his will on poor sensitive sam and weak lovestruck cas? (gross, why would you want that?) none of those characters exist. it strips them of everything they are to look at them that way. i've never met them. i've definitely said this before, but sam has a spine and will of steel. cas is an ancient cosmic being. neither of them is imposed upon or afraid of dean. they don't keep charts of each other's wrongdoings, why should we? they need and resent and admire and agonize over and lean on and get mad at and love one another, sometimes simultaneously. sam and cas both make colossal mistakes, both do cruel, hurtful things, both lie, both drench themselves in blood. it's not like dean is alone in this? why it's somehow ~worse~ from him is a failing of comprehension, but i really do think it's also that constant obligation to which he's subjected. how dare dean mess up. dean needs to be the rock for everyone else. dean needs to be the home. dean shouldn't be allowed to express his pain lest it be seen as a barb at the others, dean's anger is over-reactive, dean's abandonment issues are annoying, dean's hell trauma is his fault, dean's grief is too exposed, dean's love is a liability (get you wild, make you leave). it's weird and it's exhausting, and it's fundamentally wrong. and there's ample evidence of this and proof of it all over the show, asserted by the people who love him, but a fairly significant portion of the fandom has decided to have this derivative perspective that cuts the fabric of all of their journeys to useless pieces. an endless sisyphean hill of admonishment. no passion. no complexity. no thank you.

we love him with a real love and feel that extension of ourselves because we understand him, or because we understand parts of ourselves in him, at which point it's no longer about bloodied knuckles or missteps or gunshots in the dark, it's about intrinsic humanity. ultimately, it's about courage in the face of terrifying obstacles, or survival after excruciating loss, or the defining and boundless ability to love, or - any combination of so, so many of these things, a list too expansive to make because it will vary for anyone asked. i can't fathom what the appeal is of limiting that. i can't understand or even come to terms with seeing him in such a limited, contemptuous way. how dare they try to make it that small? that's not my show. that's not what fascinates me nor what i fell in love with. that's not my dean, and at the risk of sounding pretentious (which i don't want to do!) or possessive (lol), i've known dean for going on seventeen years. all my adulthood. longer than i've known most real people, and far more constant. i don't even care if that sounds unhinged, at this point i WILL say it, he has lived in that room central to my heart all this time, he has grown with me, i have loved him when i hated myself, held onto him when i've felt alone. sometimes in the midst of all the difficulties i deal with, i don't know much of anything, but i do know him. the meta you're referring to - that's not who he is.

this turned into more of a rant than i intended, but i hear you and am with you, deangirl to deangirl, always 💕💗💕

#crossroadsdirt #i'm sorry this became like a dissertative diatribe darling #(oooh. alliteration!)#it. infuriates. frustrates. enrages me.#letterbox #dean feelings #*#spn for ts #friend who remained in this unnamed i always end up lifting words directly from our conversations thank you <3

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