#crossfit515am

[bengadams]

I wanted to crawl back into the bed

Another day . . . another workout. Alarm went off at 4:40 a.m. this morning. I stepped out of bed, pulled the sheets up over the pillow, and then looked at the bed for a moment. For a moment there I wanted to crawl back into the bed. Instead I went and got ready and went to CrossFit. Part of my motivation is that I love the feeling of being there for the first class of the day. I love going and feeling part of something that feels hardcore -- hardcore in that we're all waking up super early to get there. The workout today was very challenging. I told myself, don't overthink it. Just finish it. If you have to lower the weight, if you have to stop and take breaks, if you can't complete every movement with perfect form -- don't stress out over it. The important thing is that I just showed up. Anyone who shows up there is going to get a great workout in. One thing I love about CrossFit is that it gives the participant a deep sense of accomplishment. What I am expected to do in CrossFit is very clear, distinct, and succinct: Complete the workout of the day (WOD). Last night I was walking through Wal-Mart and I noticed I felt both relaxed and also highly receptive to all the stimuli around me. Working out doesn't entirely slay all of my discomfort, but it certainly makes me feel good and makes life feel a lot more manageable.

[bengadams]

I began feeling aroused about it

Tuesday morning. Worked out at 5:15 a.m. again. All day yesterday I knew I wanted to work out again today, again at 5:15 a.m. I looked forward to it all day yesterday. But then in the evening, I got to feeling nervous about it again. I don't know exactly what I mean by 'nervous'. Maybe 'avoidant' is a better word. No, because I don't want to avoid it. Here's a better word -- 'aroused'. I began feeling aroused about it. As in, when I go to bed knowing that I can sleep in as late as I want the next morning, there's a certain feeling of, I can just completely let go and relax myself into this experience. But when I know the alarm is going to be calling me out of bed at 4:40 a.m., the entire vibe of bedtime is different. It feels more like, okay, let me rest here for a brief little moment before I get up to go attend this very satisfying early-early morning ritual. So I went to bed and had a dream about my book, The Creative Process Diet, in which I had a copy printed and shipped to me, and discovered that the printer had messed up the cover in all kinds of different ways. Things were out of alignment, some of the printed letters were handwritten, even the title itself had been changed. At 4:40 the alarm went off, and I wasn't thrilled to hear it, but I thought, well there it is. I stood up, got ready, and drove to CrossFit Dixie. I will admit that the moment when the alarm went off was an unpleasant moment, but it was all downhill from there. When I pulled into the CrossFit Dixie parking lot, I felt nervous as usual. I saw people in there moving around doing various things and thought, um okay . . . so where do I fit into all of this? Visually -- at the level of the retina -- it looks overwhelming, but I just walk into the middle of it, and it always works itself out. The person who is in charge always finds me, or I find that person, and everything flows. Today Stacey led the process, I met her last week and she is super nice like everyone else I have met there. By the end I am drenched in sweat and feeling amazing. I drove back to the house, and even right now at this very moment the sun has not yet come up. I'm going to be putting in my eight hours of work today, and I will finish in the early afternoon, which means I will have plenty of time to play video games, hang out, and enjoy the day.

[bengadams]

nothing in life is all that complicated

Interesting. I woke up at 4:40 a.m., got ready, drove to the new CrossFit Dixie location (they relocated this past weekend), and attended my first regular class workout at 5:15 a.m. I began fantasizing about doing this last week. I looked at the schedule and saw that the 5:15 class is the first one. I thought, I want to be there early for the very first class of the day. I don't know, there's just a certain appeal to the idea. I set my alarm to wake up at 4:40 a.m. today, though last night I was half expecting that I wouldn't want to get out of bed that early. Well, after some very vivid dreams, I heard the alarm at 4:40 and hopped right out of bed. But for a moment there I thought I didn't want to go. It's not that I was tired. I just didn't want to go. But I did want to go. I did and I didn't. I felt a little nervous. It was my first regular class, nobody was expecting me there, what would happen? I told myself, just show up. Someone will be there to guide you through. Just tell them it's your first regular class. Let them worry about what happens from there. I wasn't feeling too excited, but I quickly brushed my teeth, got dressed, and departed. It was a beautiful rainy morning. Beautiful reflections of the moonlight on surfaces all around me as I drove. When I drive around in St. George, I always put the radio on 'scan' until I hear a song I like. So the radio was scanning all the stations, and it seemed there was a cheerful, fist-pumping song on every station. Like we were all waking up together and starting our day together. A sadness came over me as I thought about my desire to belong, to feel that I am a part of something. My brothers and I have been going on hikes to look at petroglyphs, and I've been thinking about what it would be like to be part of a tribe. I feel like I've belonged to lots of different tribes over the years, it seems that life is continually changing and evolving. I guess that's good in some ways. The grass is always greener on the other side. So when I pulled into CrossFit Dixie a few minutes before 5:15 a.m., there were lots of cars in the parking lot. I felt intimidated. All these people. I went in and a couple people smiled at me. I scanned the room looking for an instructor, and saw Kade. I wasn't expecting him to be there so early. He greeted me in his always friendly way and I immediately felt right at home. I felt a little clueless about what was happening as the class evolved, but it all worked out and I had a great workout. Oh, also, the first song that was playing when I first went in was 'Love Will Find You.' A corny song that I absolutely love. I saw Brock, he was the instructor who led me through my third and final introductory workout last week. I met a couple new people. I felt alive being there. I learned a couple new exercises. There's nothing really all that complicated about the whole thing, I'm realizing. Yes there is an order to the process, and exercises need to be done in their proper form, but -- you have no idea how intimidated I feel about pretty much anything before I just dive in and get started. Nothing in life is all that complicated.