#crmediagal rambles

[crmediagal]

The first chapter of my Elucien fic is nearly complete and now that things are established, I'm finally getting excited about where it's headed.

Damn it takes me way too long to write now though... How the hell did I write a 500k fic in a year? Someone give me my fast-typing muse back, please! I dunno where the hell she went.

[crmediagal]

I was tagged to read this and it’s really good Food For Thought! Thank you, @q-drew for tagging me! ❤️

This is definitely a perspective I worry about and am hyper-aware of, especially due to past experiences in putting myself down publicly. A lot. I’m very self-deprecating and that's a huge flaw in my brain makeup.

I’ve gotten much better over the years of, at least, not trashing my work to my readers, but it doesn’t mean I’m not internally obsessing over the possibility that it’s the opposite of whatever kind words they gave me. I both cherish those positive, glowing compliments but also....my f***ing brain, man. It doesn’t function the way it ought to! And it frustrates the hell outta me as much as, I’m sure, it’s annoyed a reader or two at times.

I’m horribly guilty of Imposter Syndrome, for I constantly stress over, 'Do they mean that? Are they just being kind because of the amount of hate and flames my stories have gotten over the years? Is it ACTUALLY good????? Would they lie to me and tell me that it's good but it's actually troll dung? Wait, that's stupid, CR. You're being dense! Shut up!'

The cycle continues (for me), but I think keeping this perspective in mind is a really solid one. Someone liked--or, perhaps, even loved--what I put into the world and they had the generosity of spirit to tell me so. It’s okay to accept their compliments. Hopefully, with time, I’ll be able to believe them myself. That’s something I’m (admittedly slowly) learning how to do: accept that generosity and be kinder to myself.

Pro tip: insulting your work makes it really awkward for someone to compliment it. Even if they really like it, they'll be embarrassed to say so because you'll probably think they're an idiot. They'll worry that they only like it because they can't see the problems with it- and they can't see the problems because of some kind of ignorance on their part.

Insulting your work ends up insulting the audience who loves your work. Be kind to yourself so that you can be kind to them ❤

[spectreleaders]

crmediagal replied to your post “but when will Adam Driver narrate audiobooks? record a podcast? voice...”

He voices the Infinity commercials, if that counts ;)

THIS IS THE BEST NEWS. In looking for them I also found this list of all his commercials, so thank you friend 😍

[crmediagal]

I keep expecting to see him at the bottom of the stairs or trotting into my room to say hello with that big, beautiful face or stretched out on my dad’s bed in the morning.

The day he passed I swore I heard his collar jingle, like when he would lift his head and perk his ears at the sound of me coming, at the top of the stairs. This morning I’m convinced that I heard one of his heavy sighs right outside of my door. I actually turned my head to look, anticipating seeing him there saying, ‘No more work, Mom. Come play.’

I may just be imagining these things because I’m desperate for a “sign”...but I hope they were real...

[crmediagal]

What is your favorite line from UL?

So sorry for not replying to this sooner (and thank youuu for the ask, hon! You are so sweet!! 🧡)

I'm partial to the whole "I love you" / "I love you more" / "Impossible" dialogue that resurfaces throughout the Unquestionable Love series between Severus and Hermione, and since that's cheating, um, I spent way too much time trying to think of another single line that's my favorite...and I struggled.

Ultimately, I settled for another cheat. (Eh, sorry! lol)

For context, this is from Chapter 50 of the original story in which Hailey, who is trying to come to terms with Severus's long-withheld secret, is discussing her youngest sister, Jeannie, who is four years old at that time, with Severus:

"She's [Jeannie] young. She may not..." He stopped and inhaled a painful breath, his lower lip trembling more than ever. "In time, she may not remember me..."

For further context, Severus goes on to ask Hailey if she might help her sister to remember him in the years to come.

I just feel that these few crestfallen lines speak to the heart of who UL!Severus is: he lives for his family--breathes for them; puts himself through physical hell to hang on for as long as possible--and he's devastated at the thought of going on without them.

[crmediagal]

If you could spare a prayer for me for tomorrow, I’d be so grateful. I’m having a procedure and am hoping for a positive outcome.

[crmediagal]

Got into the Rise of the Resistance ride at Disney yesterday. Incredible ride from start to finish!!! And it sparked further inspiration to complete my Reylo fic! Gonna enjoy the rest of my vacation first.✨😎🌴

[crmediagal]

AHHH St Severus is so close to completion I can now taste it!

I have one more scene (might be two) to add and then it’s DONE.

It’s going to feel so good to check this story off my list. It’s been a blast and the most fun that I’ve had writing my OTP in a while.

[crmediagal]

I’m a Snamione writer...been around for a while...and, too, always delighted to chitchat with other shippers! :)

hello !

i’m sort of new to writing for harry potter and i’m looking for friends — either friends that also write for hp or just friends who want to talk about hp in general !!!

[crmediagal]

This year has broken my heart and broken me. I have prayed more than I ever have, continuing to pray everyday for wisdom and guidance and bravery to weather this current storm. The silver lining for me has been prayer...and for someone who isn’t an actively practicing person of faith, that position is forever changed.

[crmediagal]

This week feels like a 1000 years long. And it’s not over.

[crmediagal]

Babysitting three kiddos and a puppy until Monday night and so far I got zero sleep. 😬 Also, my sister and bro-in-law don’t have a coffee maker. 😴

[crmediagal]

I will probably get (wo)mansplained for this but a). I’m too old on this site to give a sh*t and b). opinions are opinions and, at the end of the day, kids, this is all fictional so...lol

I’m probably alone in this but I’m so underwhelmed by the new planned Star Wars content from Disney. ‘Surprise, surprise,’ she says unsurprisingly.

I know I’m in the minority here but I wasn’t a fan of Rogue One. At all. The characters never grabbed me, sorrynotsorry, and that’s the main draw for me in any franchise: interesting, complex characters. (Oh, and good writing...but that tends to be harder and harder to find in Star Wars, tbh). Sure, the ending was terrific but the rest of it was, ‘Meh’ to me, so I doubt I’ll watch an entire series dedicated to one of its characters.

The only one that mildly interests me is Ahsoka. I’m aware of her popularity (and I was intrigued by her appearance in The Mandalorian), but I couldn’t for the life of me get into the animated series - and I've made multiple efforts; I really have tried to understand what all the damn hype is about - so...I guess I’ll watch it? But I won’t have much context to go on since I don’t know a lot about her backstory other than she was Anakin’s apprentice. And I’m over Anakin, thanks. Dude Force chokes his pregnant wife and I’m supposed to be feel sorry for him? Lol f*ck off. So...if there’s lots of Anakin in the series, that will most definitely put me off of it for sure and that would be a bummer. I shall try to remain cautiously optimistic.

The other titles? Eh. I can hardly remember? There’s a new animated one so that automatically lowers my expectations or interest lol

So, yeah. My random thoughts.

The fandom is still toxic as hell lol but I do love some of the stories that exist therein so... *mindless shoulder flouncing*

[crmediagal]

Feel free to keep scrolling. Just need to have a little whine.

I hate wasting an entire day editing a silly video of myself that will ultimately just make whoever watches it cringe. It’s done, I guess, but it will be more toss away content, I’m sure.

My back hurts now. And tomorrow it’s Monday, aka the start to another work week, and I haven’t written in weeks and all I’d like to do is work on my stories.

Okay. Whine is over.

[crmediagal]

In case anyone here’s following or interested, I’m going to plan on posting the next revised chapter of Unquestionable Love: The Prequel in the coming days. It’s mostly edited already so it shouldn’t take much additional time for me to finish. 

[crmediagal]

Sooner or later you have to be willing to look at and deal with your own shit...and it’s hard. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in the past six months. It takes consistency and hard work. Oh, and there are plenty of days where I falter or fall short of where I am and where I want to be; but I’ll keep working at it. It’s a promise I made to myself during quarantining when I was at my lowest I’ve been since I attempted suicide at 19. 

I’m far from perfect. My anxiety is a mangy little bitch. It’s stunted some past relationships. It’s led to a host of regrets and lots of missed opportunities over the years. I’m slowly learning to objectively examine where I've gone wrong and how I can work to improve upon my mistakes; but I also know where I did the best that I could and that’s equally as important to acknowledge and learn from.

There are lessons in everything, including loss and when you've given something your all and it didn’t work out. 

Growth is painful and it hurts like f*cking hell. But one thing I’ve learned in the past few months? Don’t look for the Next Best Thing in other people or objects. People and circumstances change all the time and they won’t always be there for you to fall back on. 

You will always be left with yourself, whether you like it or not, and if you aren’t able to deal with your own shit, what gives you the right to put that on others to deal with in your stead? 

Yeah, deflecting only works for so long. Sooner or later you have to deal with yourself. It sucks...and it’s one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to go through but I’m feeling better for it, even on days when it’s still really tough.