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andreafmn · 1 year ago

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Collision | Chapter 20

Word Count: 3.1K Story Description: (Y/N) Uley is back home after being away for four years. Her life is at its first standstill and she is taking this time to find out who she is without school. But she never thought that coming back to the reservation would turn her whole life around. In the midst of secrets and mystery, a man crashes into (Y/N)’s and her life will never be the same. Chapter: 20/? A/N: your eyes do not deceive you, that's right, two posts in one day. Where is my prize? 😅😅 but I am very surprised at myself that I was able to post both Twilight stories. Also, don't hate me for that ending... My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts or buy me a coffee to support me and my love of writing Follow 😊 -> TikTok • Instagram • Business If you’d like to be tagged in this or any other story: click here Make sure you have my notifications on so you know every time I post! Please check if you’re tagged in the story, I’ve reached the limit of tags on Twilight again it seems. 😅

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Chapter 20

Time moved weirdly when you were stuck in the same routine. Days muddled together, only certain events sticking out. There were no beginnings or ends. There were only moments awake and moments asleep. That was how (Y/N) could tell that time had passed. When she was conscious, she could see that things had changed.

Her life consisted of work, school, Paul, her friends, and her family. There was nothing more. There was nothing less. Simply the same cycle, over and over again. It was good enough in the beginning. The semblance that things were getting better made her want to believe it.

But time was not kind to lies. As the seconds passed, the harder it was to keep her cracked façade whole. She could smile, she could laugh, she could enjoy life as it happened to her. Still, there was something that was always missing. A gaping hole in the middle of her chest that she covered every day.

(Y/N) had to believe that things got better. Even if at that moment it felt like things would turn worse, she needed to believe that they would change. She was getting everything she had dreamed of, everything she had worked so hard to obtain. And yet, there was a sadness inside her that didn’t allow her to enjoy it.

Two months had passed since the last time she had cried for them. Eight weeks since her eyes had dried and the pit had opened inside her. Since she had rid herself of the idea that they were ever coming back… that he was ever coming back.

She thought over the words she had told Bella. She needed to take a first step; any step that would make the life she was living real. She owed it to herself, she owed it to her mother, she owed it to her brother, she owed it to every person that had been beside her through it all.

“What’re you doing in my room, Paul?” (Y/N) was startled as she saw her friend’s reflection in the mirror before her. She had been focused on studying; her head engrossed in her books all afternoon. “Is everything okay?”

“Not exactly,” Paul responded “Jacob Black is going through his first shift and he’s freaking out. Won’t listen to anyone, not even Embry.”

“Where is he?”

“He’s in the woods with Sam and Embry.”

She followed the boy out of the house and into the darkness of the forest. Why they needed her help, she did not understand. (Y/N) was the least versed in the supernatural world. But if there was something she understood it was feeling scared and overwhelmed by it. It was an all-consuming implosion of the mind. Everything they had known as reality became a rose-colored canvas over what was truly happening.

Far into the trees and away from the town, Sam and Embry stood before a giant russet-furred wolf. The animal moved from side to side, his eyes far away and scared. The boys tried to calm him, lifting their arms in a show of peace. But it did nothing to calm the poor boy that was stuck in his wolf form.

“Guys, step away from him,” (Y/N) called as she closed the distance between her and the wolf. “He’s scared.”

“Paul, I told you not to bring her here,” Sam seethed. “She could get hurt. Again.”

“He did nothing wrong,” she reprimanded. “Just get away from him, please.”

They quickly did as told, leaving the girl and the wolf. But she could still feel her brother’s cautious stare following her every move. (Y/N) was tentative in her steps, showing Jacob no sign of danger. She stared into the brown of his eyes, trying to connect with the scared boy beyond the animal.

It had only been a week since he had confronted (Y/N) regarding Embry. He had taken her by surprise, wondering why his best friend had suddenly started to avoid him and Quil, and had started hanging out with Sam’s group. She had done what she could, but the boy was too angry to stand reason.

He had rapped harshly against her front door, his knuckles beating against the wood loudly. She had been studying, far too focused on her books to know who it could have been at that hour. It was late at night and her mother had left only two hours before to work. And there was no chance that it had been Paul or Embry since they were out on patrol that night.

She sauntered down the stairs, fear clutching at her limbs as she walked. There was no reason for anyone to be knocking on her door that loudly. It made her tremble, but she was smarter than to allow fear to overtake her.

“Jacob?” (Y/N) had called out in surprise as she swung open the door. “What are you doing here at this hour?”

“Look, (Y/N), I have nothing against you ‘cause you have always been a good friend to me,” he sighed. His eyes were red, telling her that he had been crying. “But I need to know what your brother is doing. It was weird when he took Jared, even weirder when Paul joined. Now, he’s changed Embry as well.”

“W-what do you mean he changed Embry, Jake? He was there at your birthday party last month.”

“But he wasn’t really there, was he?” Jacob continued. “He’s been avoiding Quil and me in school. He comes up with excuses or doesn’t even respond when we call to hang out. And he barely said a word to me other than ‘happy birthday’ at the party. And now, we see him hanging out with your brother and his weird gang.”

“It is not my place to talk about what happens with Embry, Jake; what happens with any of them for that matter,” she tried to explain calmly. “All I can tell you is that he definitely is not in a dangerous gang like it’s rumored. My brother is not a dangerous person.”

“Then, why can’t Embry talk to us, huh? Why is he clearly under instructions to not talk to his friends or even to his mom?” Jacob exclaimed. “She’s been asking us nonstop what’s happening with her son, and we have nothing we can say.”

“Jacob, I understand how frustrating this must be. But I can’t say anything. It’s really not my place.”

“So, what? You’re just gonna let your brother keep taking guys from the rez and making them turn their backs on everyone they know?” he said, his voice rising slightly. “It’s not right, (Y/N), and you know it.”

“I wish I could tell you what is going on, Jake, but…”

“But it’s not your place to tell. Yeah. I got that,” he scoffed. “If there are any more guys that are taken from their families because of your brother, it’ll be on you, (Y/N).”

“No one has been taken from their families, Jacob,” she replied defensively, biting down on her tongue to not anger the boy further. “They’re always free to come and go.”

“Yet they’re not free to talk,” he seethed. “I can’t believe you don’t see what they’re doing, (Y/N). You’re smart enough to know that something’s not right.”

“I’m sorry I can’t be of more help, Jake,” she sighed. “But I can promise you that your friend is safe.”

“It doesn’t matter much to me that he’s that safe when he can’t even say hi to me in the halls.”

“Jacob…”

“No, it’s fine, (Y/N). It’s not your place.”

He had left her house completely infuriated. So angry that he wouldn’t even return her waves when they ran into each other in town. And she understood his anger. Someone had come between him and his best friend. They had ripped away a relationship without a single reason.

But now, he would understand the why. Now, he would be in on the secret.

(Y/N) reached her hand out, showing Jacob that she meant no harm. Her movements were slow and calculated, always in sight of the brown wolf. She was letting him know he was okay, that he was safe.

“I know you’re scared, Jacob,” she spoke softly and calmly. “I bet you’re stressed too. Nothing that is happening is making sense.”

Jacob let out a huff in response, his eyes searching her over.

“I promise we will let you know everything that’s happening,” she continued. “But the first thing we have to do is get you back in human form. And I’m gonna help you with that, okay?”

The wolf’s head nodded, his pacing stopping dead in his track. He walked toward her outstretched hand, his snout bumping against it. He nuzzled into her, his pained eyes begging her to keep talking.

“You need to calm down,” she told him. “Center your mind and think how it feels to be in your human form. You have to focus and keep calm.”

It seemed her voice was what he needed to do the trick. The wolf stepped back and closed his eyes. She was almost sure she could feel the air changing around them as Jacob focused. And then, it all happened swiftly. One second, the russet-colored wolf towered over them. And the second, Jacob was covering up his naked body with his hands.

“Uh, is there a chance any of you brought a change of clothes?”

“Here,” Sam said as he threw the boy a bag of clothes. “There are many things you’re gonna have to learn now.”

Jacob disappeared behind a tree to get changed, running to shield himself from the others. (Y/N) had no idea what it was like for the body to go through that shift. But she could begin to imagine how disconcerting it would be to have your body turn into a massive wolf after an angry outburst.

“Thank you, (Y/N),” Paul said as they waited outside of Sam’s house as Jake was informed of everything. “We should have you over every time a new kid shifts. You’re good at calming them down.”

“I guess I can understand how it feels to not feel in control of your own body,” she sighed with a smile. “But I’m glad I could help with Jake. Just last week he was grilling me over what you guys were doing.”

“we’re not doing anything wrong.”

“Not in the eyes of the town, Paul. People think that you’re a dangerous gang that is corrupting the boys in the reservation.”

“Eh, I’m used to it,” he shrugged. “Not many people thought I was a good guy before. I doubt I could change their minds now. And, honestly, I don’t care what people think of me. Just you.”

“Well, then, you’re lucky I like you, kid,” she laughed. “You would be very sad if I didn’t.”

“I really would,” he said, making her laughter die in her throat. He was too serious. Too serious for the playful tone she had spoken with. “I couldn’t live without you.”

“Paul, what’re you…?”

“I’m serious, (Y/N),” he continued as he took her hands in his. “You’re the most important person in my life, (Y/N). I would die without you.”

“You’re important to me too, Paul,” she smiled softly. “But where is all this coming from?”

“I just… gods, I just need to tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

As Paul opened his mouth to speak, the door to the back slid open, Jared and Embry tumbling out. They wore playful smiles on their faces and were holding plates of food in their hands.

“Yo, (Y/N),” Jared called. “Jake’s asking for you.”

“We’re sort of in the middle of something here,” Paul muttered through gritted teeth. “He can wait.”

“We’ll talk later, Paul,” she smiled as she put distance between them, her heart beating a million miles a minute. “I’m gonna go see what he needs.”

“But (Y/N)…”

“Later,” she called from the door.

(Y/N) had an inkling of what Paul was going to say. She could feel it deep in her bones. The past three months had been perfect –too perfect, she guessed. The last thing she wanted was to break things off with Paul, to put distance between them. But she knew that it was what would be best for them both.

As she walked into the house, she allowed herself to push down the thought. To forget that sooner rather than later, she had to push him away. To forget that the start of her poorly mended new life crumbling was nearing. Nothing good lasts. That much she knew.

Jacob was waiting for her at the dining table, a look of shame plastered across his face. He was shaking slightly, the weight of the new information heavy on his shoulders. And she could see what he truly was. A boy that had his whole life ripped from under him.

“Hey,” she called out softly. “Jared said you wanted to talk to me.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled softly, his head snapping toward her voice. “I owe you an apology, (Y/N).”

“No, Jake. You were angry. I understand.”

“But you didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of the anger,” he continued. “You were protecting Embry, protecting all of them. And I was pretty mean to you.”

“You don’t even make the top five, Jake,” (Y/N) laughed as she sat beside him. “But, if it makes you feel better, I accept your apology. Even if there’s nothing to apologize.”

Jacob remained quiet for a second, his gaze falling onto his hands. “Your brother said I can’t see Bella,” he peeped. “I know it’s to keep her safe, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to. I can’t just abandon her right now.”

“I understand that, Jake. But this is only for the time being,” (Y/N) tried to help. “You need to learn to control the phase. If something makes you snap when you’re with her…”

“I know. Sam told me… all of it,” he sighed. “What if I imprinted on her? She’d be allowed to know everything then, right?”

“You can’t force yourself to imprint on someone, Jake. It doesn’t work like that.”

“Not that we know of,” he smiled, hopeful. “I’m gonna try and I’ll be the first.”

“Jake,” she called as the boy jogged to the front door. “Jake!”

“Thanks for the talk, (Y/N)!”

And the next second, he was gone.

“Maybe delusion runs with the shifting gene,” she said to herself.

(Y/N) used the moment to leave Sam’s house, though. She needed to escape that conversation that Paul was sure to want. Things were changing once more and she was not ready for it. The last thing she wanted was to lose her grasp on the reality she had forged for herself. She had crafted it to the most minuscule detail and she couldn’t let him ruin it.

She ran to her home, locking herself in her room. She could feel panic building inside her. As the reins she held on her façade slipped, she could only feel the dread that was underneath. The (Y/N) from six months before was trying to claw her way out. To make her feel the same pain and sadness, making the hole in her chest grow.

But she couldn’t let it. She couldn’t let any of it out. She had to keep every last ounce of those emotions buried deep inside, locked away with the memory of him. It was the only way she would survive. The only way all of that heartbreak would have been worth it.

Instead of spending the night studying as she had planned, (Y/N) crashed on her bed, succumbing to a tiredness she didn’t know she had. She had only planned to rest her eyes for a second, not to completely fall asleep.

She was walking down a path she had come to hate, but one she still knew like the back of her hand. The road to perdition, she had branded it in her mind. She could see the bridge as she walked, begging her limbs to not keep moving. She never wanted to be back there, much less when he wasn’t there.

But the closer she got, she could make out that there was a figure standing there. A figure she had done so much to forget about, even if she never wanted to. Not really.

“(Y/N),” he breathed as she stopped in front of him. “God, how I’ve longed to see your face again.”

“Carlisle,” she said, her voice breaking as tears burned in the back of her eyes. She couldn’t walk to him. Too scared that he would disappear if she did. “Where have you been?”

“Being a coward, I guess,” he replied. “I have missed you, my love. So much more than I could ever tell you.”

“Then, show me,” she commanded in a whisper. “Show me how much you truly have.”

Carlisle extended his hand and she gladly took it, sighing happily as the coldness enveloped her. He pulled her over the treaty line, making her body crash into his. He placed one hand on the low of her back as the other cradled her cheek. His amber eyes looked intently into hers, the warmest smile he could muster spread across his lips.

“Kiss me,” she whispered and Carlisle obliged.

He pressed his lips softly to hers, love slipping past his mouth. It was just as she had remembered it. Just as cold, just s perfect. It was what she had been missing for months. A true connection of love and passion. Her hands traveled up his chest, feeling. He felt so real.

“I miss you, Carlisle,” she cried as they parted, his thumb wiping away the tears that fell. “Why won’t you come back?”

“I’m right here, my love.”

“No, you’re not,” she sighed defeatedly. “This is only a dream. I know it is. Because you’re not actually here.”

“But I am, (Y/N),” he smiled. “You can feel me. You can see me. You can hear me. Who’s to say that I’m not.”

“No, Carlisle,” she said sadly, taking a step back. “If you were here, I wouldn’t be able to wake up.”

She stood on the railing of the bridge, making sure she was past the treaty line. She looked down, the river angry and rushing, rocks piled up everywhere.

“What are you doing, (Y/N)? Get down from there.”

“I can’t do this, Carlisle,” she sobbed. “Not even in my dreams. Because when I wake, you won’t be there, and I’ll be right back where I started.”

Without another thought, she let herself fall, and she waited for the crash.

But it never came. She woke up in a sweat a second later, clutching at her racing heart. The beginning of the end, she thought. She could feel herself crumbling, and it scared her.

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it-was-funeral-grey · 2 years ago

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Over your head (Al Haitham x F!Reader)

Prequel Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Summary: knock knock! who's there? matra. matra who? you're under arrest, anything you say will be held against you. what.

Warnings: Vulgarities, getting arrested, doctors, boat travel

Word count:<2.6k words

Inspired by:-

Author's note: i hope this is ok! i was also able to visit my grandma the day after i posted the last part :)

Please give criticism! Also, if i missed any warnings, do tell me so i can add them!

If you had a Mora for every time a random dude cried himself to sleep on your couch, you'd have one Mora. Which isn't a lot, but it's strange that it happened once.

Oh, but if you had a Mora for every time the Matra arrested you for kidnapping, you'd have another Mora. Two Mora isn't a lot, but it could help you get a new bottle of Harra spice. Archon knows that prices have gone up recently.

"Secure the house," a man wearing the Matra's iconic teal and bronze uniform barks as three of his colleagues surround you. "And call a doctor!"

It happens so fast. Chains are fastened around your hands, and you feel a hand push against your back, forcing you forward.

All around, your neighbours peek out of their houses, watching as the three Matras lead you out of the village. You can hear them gossiping amongst themselves, casting curious glances as you pass them.

"Kidnapping? Her? Who would have thought…"

"She has always been so kind…I can't believe it."

Where to? You don't know. If you were courageous enough, you would've protested- ask what is happening. But words fail you. Your tongue feels like a brick, refusing to let you plead your case.

You've been told stories about the Matra. Village elders would spook kids with tales of the 'all-knowing, scary, and will eat you if you misbehave!' Matra. You've never thought of them as scary before, though. But now, you're beginning to think that the village elders weren't exaggerating.

Their presence alone was enough to render the bustling village silent on this beautiful, sunny afternoon. You've never heard the village go this quiet, not even during the dead of night. The only sound you hear now is the pounding of your heart, together with the remaining Matra stomping into your home, throwing things around in their search for evidence.

But evidence for what? Kidnapping? Who did you even kidnap?! The Green dude? You were only helping him, for archon's sake!

"The nerve! Kidnapping the Acting Grand Sage!" a neighbour rages to another. "Sumeru is relying on him to lead us out of this mess, and she dares to harm him! Oh, may Lesser Lord Kusanali punish her!"

Wait. Hold on.

Acting. Grand. Sage?

Mr Green man is the Acting Grand Sage?!

Kaveh is going to kill Al Haitham.

It's one thing to take his keys and only let him in after 5.05 pm.

It's a whole other thing to take his keys and not come home. Leaving him outside. In the rain. For the entire night. And it's the peak monsoon season in Sumeru, so he can't even dry his drawings that had been drenched the night before.

"Seriously! He's gone from bad to worse," Kaveh laments to the shorter man. "He didn't even tell me he wasn't coming home!"

"Well, have you seen him since yesterday?" the shorter man asks, taking a seat in his office and letting out a tired sigh as he sinks into his chair. He had just come back from tracking a scholar in the desert. He really doesn't want to listen to his friend's rant right now, but he doesn't have the heart to drive him away.

"No! He left that morning at 8:55, as usual. I tried to get him to drink a cup of coffee, but he ignored me! That arrogant fungus! I swear, I'm going to-"

There's a hasty pound on the door, interrupting Kaveh's rant. But before Cyno could invite them in, the door burst open, revealing a frantic Panah.

"General Mahamatra, Mr Kaveh," he greets, panting as he leans over, hands on his knees. He must have run from the Grand Sage's office. "Have you seen Acting Grand Sage Al Haitham?"

Well, that makes two people who have asked about his whereabouts today. Usually, this wouldn't be strange. As the scribe, Al Haitham had the habit of never being where you expected him to be. Even Cyno wouldn't be able to locate him if he seriously didn't want to be found.

But he's the Acting Grand Sage now. And for the last couple of months, he has always been findable- in his office or somewhere speaking to personnel. Cyno stiffens in his seat. Something doesn't feel right.

"No, we haven't seen him," Kaveh answers. But then he frowns. "Wait- what do you mean, 'Have you seen Al Haitham'? Did he not report for work today?"

Now, that's a concerning thought.

"Yes," Panah takes another deep breath, composing himself. "He hasn't come into his office yet. I know it's only ten minutes past 9, but-"

"Al Haitham isn't one for tardiness," Cyno interrupts, standing up. "Kaveh, are you certain he isn't home?"

"Well, yes," Kaveh replies, furrowed brows giving away his concern about his roommate. "He has this annoying habit of using the shower at full blast in the morning. It's unbelievably loud. I would have heard that if he were home since the front door is close to the bathroom."

"Panah, would you happen to know Al Haitham's last know location?"

"He was heading to Port Osmos. He was going to speak with someone in the Wikala Funduq."

Damn, Cyno curses. Port Osmos is at least a good three hours away by boat. Grabbing a loose sheet of paper from his desk, Cyno scribbles a note before sealing it and passing it to Panah.

"Pass this along to the dusk bird handlers. Tell them to send it to the Matra stationed in Port Osmos as soon as possible."

"On it!" Panah grabs the note, dashing out of the office.

"As for me, I'll be heading to Port Ormos now," Cyno states, grabbing his polearm. "Don't worry. I'll bring him back."

"Who says I'm worried? I just want to get into the house- hold on, I'm coming with you!"

Al Haitham is going to kill Kaveh.

It's one thing to wake up to the sound of him hammering away on another one of his projects.

It's a whole other thing to wake up to him screeching about- "Oh archons, if he dies, what am I going to do?"

First off, he's not going to die. He's not ill. Just tired, you fickle fungus.

Second of all, where in Teyvat is he?

There's a faint rocking sensation, and he can hear the faint sound of water sloshing nearby.

A boat, Al Haitham figures. Why is he on a boat?

Opening his eyes, he is immediately greeted by the sight (and sound) of Kaveh panicking at a lady in a white gown. A doctor, Al Haitham realises.

"Sir, the Acting Grand Sage isn't going to pass on," the doctor sighs. "He's just exhausted. He must have fainted from exhaustion- please tell him that he must get sufficient rest to recover!"

Before Kaveh can respond, Al Haitham sits up, fighting the dizziness that came with it. Nope. He doesn't want to hear Kaveh's annoying, panicky voice. Not now, when he can feel a headache coming.

"Al Haitham!"

"Keep your voice down, you-"

"Are you alright?" Kaveh interrupts, concern lacing his tone. But he doesn't give him time to answer before he continues. "Honestly. To think that you'd be kidnapped! You, of all people! Who could even stand having you as a prisoner?"

Huh?

But before he could ask Kaveh what he meant by 'kidnapped', the door to the room opens. Through the door, Al Haitham can see the deck of a ship. So he was right. He is on a boat.

"You're awake," Cyno says. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine," Al Haitham groans, massaging his temple. "What's going on?"

So Cyno is here as well. Something big must have occurred.

Still a little groggy, Al Haitham rubs his eyes as he tries to recall what happened.

Ok, Al Haitham takes a breath. Let's think this through.

He was at Port Ormos around one in the afternoon to speak to the trade supervisors of Wikala Funduq. He wanted to talk to them about restoring the port for business- but the letters he sent there from the Akademiya were never answered. So, he had to make a trip down there himself, much to his annoyance.

That sounds about right. What happened next?

When he reached the port, he was greeted with silence. There was not a soul on the streets. The same could be said for the Wikala Funduq building, the place deserted and collecting dust, save for a lone cleaner working in a corner.

"Oh, you're looking for Mr Dilawar and Mrs Gauhar? They're not here. No one has been here for a while. There's no work here! Nothing to do!"

"Where can I find them?"

"Well...Mr Dilawar lives in Vimara village. I'm not too sure about Mrs Gauhar."

So that's how he ended up travelling to Vimara Village. He had to walk four hours to get to the village entrance since there weren't any boats that could take him there- the captain of the one that brought him to the port from Sumeru city had declined, saying that he had a personal vendetta against the village or something. Al Haitham didn't bother listening.

Yeah, he remembers that part. What happened then?

A soothing voice. A homemade meal. A gentle hand on his back. A comforting presence that made him feel so safe- something he hadn't felt in a very long time.

Wait.

Oh, no.

Before Cyno could answer his question, Al Haitham had already figured out the answer.

"You didn't happen to arrest a villager for kidnapping me, did you?"

"Oh, so you do know what happened," Kaveh answers on Cyno's behalf. "Yeah-"

"That wasn't what happened," Al Haitham interrupts, stumbling off the uncomfortable bed. "Where is she?"

"Hold on, what do you mean-"

"I mean what I said," Al Haitham snaps back, heading towards the door. The headache is now hitting with full force, and he hides a wince. "Cyno. Where is she?"

If you weren't in your current predicament, you'd probably be running around the deck, admiring the way the water below reflected the stars above. You've never been on a boat this big before- it wasn't as large as cargo vessels or cruise boats that carried rich Snezhnayans, but it's larger than anything you've ever boarded.

You also would have been really excited about going to Sumeru city- home of the rich, the smart and the accomplished. You've never travelled beyond Vimara village, apart from heading to Port Ormos every once in a while.

It's a quiet night. Apart from the occasional jingling of your chains secured to the railings on the deck, the two Matra who watch over you don't make a sound apart from occasional sighs. Curling yourself into a tiny ball, you hug your legs, burying your head on your knees. It's getting cold. Goosebumps have risen all over your limbs, and you try to rub your arms to get rid of them but to no avail.

Slam!

The loud sound shocks you back into reality. Lifting your head, you see that the door to the boat's accommodation has been flung open, the light in the room spilling out onto the dark deck.

A tall figure exits the room- although your eyes have already adjusted to the dark, you can't really tell who it is, but the two Matra seem to know. They immediately stiffen in place, standing at attention as the silhouette approaches the group.

As the figure comes closer, you see a faint green glow on its shoulder.

It's him. The Acting Grand Sage. The green man- ok, you gotta stop calling him that.

The Acting Grand Sage stops just a step away from you. You raise your head to glance at him, and he meets your gaze with an emotion you can't quite name.

"Ok, hold on!" there's the sound of hasty footsteps. A man with a feather in his hair runs up to the Acting Grand Sage. "What do you mean, 'that wasn't what happened'?"

"I'll have to ask you the same," there's calmer voice, this one belonging to a shorter man. "We can't release her if you don't tell us what happened."

The Acting Grand Sage sighs, facing the two that have just joined him. There's a tension in the air.

"I wasn't kidnapped," he starts. "I spent the night at her house. That is all."

Woah, that sounds suspicious.

The man with the feather looks like he's about to have a stroke. His jaw has dropped. Meanwhile, the shorter man looks like he has been frozen in place, eyes nearly budging out of their sockets.

"You- huh?!" exclaimed the feathered man, head whipping in your direction, intense eyes burning into yours. "You, let HIM spend the night? HIM?"

You jolt back in surprise, not quite expecting to be talked to, hitting your head on the railing with a loud 'ping'. You grimace in pain, bound hands raising to massage the area, chains jingling as you moved.

"Get your head out of the gutter," The Acting Grand Sage snarls, standing between you and the feather man. "She cared for me when I passed out. I slept on the couch."

"Passed…out?" the feathered man frowned, voice now soft.

"Well, the doctor did say he was exhausted." the shorter man added.

"That's not the time for this," the Acting Grand Sage changes the topic. He faces the shorter man. "Will you release her?"

The shorter man ponders for a moment.

"I can remove her chains," he answers. "But she'll still have to come to the Akademiya to give a statement. A report still has to be submitted, so I'll need your statement as well, Al Haitham. I'll go to get the keys."

With that, the shorter man leaves. The feathered man looks shaken up but quickly follows after the other.

"Are…you alright?" the Acting Grand Sage asks once the two are out of earshot.

"I…I'm fine," your voice wobbles. You haven't spoken since the Matra arrested you because you were afraid that your words would have been used against you later on. Well, that and the fact that you were scared shitless. You feel pressure build behind your nose. "I'm just-"

Your sniffle cuts your sentence short. Your eyes begin to water.

Behind, you hear the two Matra shift uncomfortably. Gosh, are you really gonna cry in front of everyone? How embarrassing. You're even making the Matra feel awkward. You avoid his gaze, trying to blink away tears.

The Acting Grand Sage seems to have picked up on your discomfort as he waves the Matra away. He tried to be subtle about it, but you don't miss the considerate gesture, even with your tear-filled vision.

"There's goosebumps all over your arms," there's a faint rustling of fabric. "It's not surprising. The wind is picking up. It'll probably start raining soon."

He walks behind you, and you feel something drape over your head, blocking your sight.

It must be his cape. It's warm.

You hear him lean onto the railings, letting out a sigh. A silence fills the air between you two.

It's nice. Relaxing. Comforting.

No one will see if I cry now, right?

So, you do.

But you weren't crying out of fear. No, these are tears of relief.

And through it all- the sniffling, the sobbing, the snivelling, the man behind you never said a word. But he didn't need to.

His presence was enough. Enough for what? You don't know.

All you know is that everything is going to be alright.

You're safe here. With him.

Join the Taglist!

#alhaitham x reader #alhaitham genshin impact #alhaitham #genshin impact #genshin x reader #hereandnow #al haitam x reader #al haitham

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sarahmadisonxoxo · 2 years ago

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An idea that @spectrum-spectre had inspired a scene in the dark pits of my mind. Soulmate AU’s in which people see color at the sight of their soulmate. The rules aren’t specific on whether that is only true if the meeting is in person, or if looking at photographs or videos brings on the same effect. Soulmates AU Part 2 ---------------------------- Steve returns from the kitchen holding a large bowl of popcorn and two cans of coke from the fridge. Dustin’s been staying with him for a while, and as usual their afternoon consisted of watching television until their bodies screamed for sleep. This particular afternoon Steve let Dustin choose what they’d watch. Dustin was usually left to make the choice simply because Steve wanted him to be comfortable, but it wasn’t something they mentioned. He’d so far been enjoying Dustin’s pick, the MTV music awards. There had been several artist that Steve adored. Tears for Fears. Madonna. Dustin however was watching for Corroded Coffin, his newest favorite band that he listened to seemingly nonstop these days. The kid was obsessed, but again Steve didn’t complain because his home was Dustin’s home if he accepted it. It was nice to have someone around to liven up the overwhelming emptiness of the Harrington estate. Steve set the popcorn down on the coffee table, dropping down next to Dustin on the couch, when his eyes came up to see the television screen color burst from the center of his gaze flooding out to adjust his vision until everything settled and grey was changed with vivid colors he’d only heard about in books. His soulmate... the only issue was the angle of the camera was showing dozen’s of faces. He’d never be able to tell which one of them sparked the change. It was the whole point of it, making finding soulmates easier. Of course Steve would find a way to fuck his up.... he’d never find them. That show was several states away, the likelyhood of ending up in a room with one of them was nearly impossible. Even if he did, now he wouldn’t have a way to tell him who it was. “ I think I am going to go to bed..” Steve hums. “ Bed? Steve it’s eight thirty?��“ “ Yeah... Work was just a lot today and I guess it’s just hitting me how tired I am” Steve explained. Dustin didn’t seem to buy it, but he didn’t argue. “ Okay.. Goodnight man. “ “ Night” Steve cried his eyes out that night... over someone he didn’t even know. ----------- “ thanks for driving me Steve.. I can’t believe they are coming Chicago on a day I can actually attend the convention. “ Dustin stood next to him in the line to get in to meet one of the guy’s from Corroded Coffin.. Steve planned on leaving the line before Dustin went behind the curtain, but he didn’t feel like being alone in here. Everyone seemed chill.. He was just feeling overwhelmed. “ No problem Dustin.” Slowly the line progressed foward, Steve eventually dropping out to go stand at the edge of the booth to wait. Letting himself get distracted by the excitement of those leaving the booth. Smiling at them as they ran out with their autographed pictures. He caught sight of Eddie.. or at least that’s who he assumed it was with the sign. The guy was pretty. His smile was bright and filled his face, dimples standing out to soften the rest of the edge his clothing might lead you to think he had. When he heard Dustin’s voice Steve could only smile at the pure joy and excitement of the kid meeting one of his favorite people. He couldn’t remember hearing him so happy about anything other than when he’d finished building his Cerebro last summer. The curtain opened, Steve’s eyes met Eddie’s for the first time that day as the man was telling Dustin goodbye. They didn’t make it far from the booth before he heard someone calling Dustin’s name.. them both turning around to find Eddie running toward them. “ Sorry I didn’t know your name...” Eddie apologized, taking Steve’s hands in his own. A small crowd forming around them with people muttering how Steve was living everyone's dream right now. “ Steve? Is everything okay man? “ Steve questioned, Eddie’s face falling as he noticed the utter confusion written over Steve’s features. “ you didn’t see it” Eddie questioned. “ See what? “ The color? You didn’t. Oh shit. “ “ The color?..” Steve started, his eyes looking off in thought “ Oh... it was you. On the tv.. I must have seen you. “ “ TV? “ “ The MTV Awards...” “ Steve that was nearly a year ago... you’ve had color for? “ “ Nearly a year yeah...” “ Oh shit..” Eddie thought allowed, processing that the confusion was because Steve had been seeing color the whole time. “ Can I take you out sometime? You know if you want. I don’t know if you do this whole thing, but I think it would be pretty cool” “ Eddie” “ Yeah” “ I’d love to go out with you sometime” “ Great” Eddie cheered, a small smile pulling at his lips, offering his sharpie over to Steve. “ just write your number on my arm” Eddie tugged his sleeve up to give Steve space in a place that could be hidden on his arm. Both of them smiling like fools the entire time. “ You should get back to your fans.. “ “ Yeah.. I will call you tonight. “ “ I can’t wait”

#steddie #bisexual steve harrington #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve and eddie #headcannon #soulmates #stranger things

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itsmeevie01 · 1 month ago

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tonight, I finally cried.

under the cut, i am going to go into more detail.

i live in Greene County, TN.

Thursday night I drove home in torrential rains, fighting to stay on the roads and trying not to lose my spot on the roads to a semi.

Friday, I started work like normal, lost power an hour in, and clocked out an hour and a half in. watched the clouds follow the mountains and tried to stay positive.

at this point all I knew was that the national parks had been evacuated sometime the night before. my grandpa was in the city getting a blood transfusion to help combat his Leukemia. late afternoon we go down to the river to check the levels. they are higher than I had ever seen them. dangerously so. we went home, checked on my diabetic grandmother, and charged our phones in the car. I started to contact family and tell them we are ok, just no power.

That evening we go back down to the river to check the levels. people in the neighborhood who live on the river roads are evacuating. the river has climbed again. as we watch the river rise, I see it take out trees. I wandered closer, and watched the power lines to the water intake station for the county go under. as we watch, one of the water commission guys says that without that station, we will run out of water, and soon. the water station is mostly under water already. hay bales are rolling down the river, and I choose to laugh to stave off crying. I don’t have time for that sort of breakdown.

My great aunt has been in contact once. They live 20 min away, and have power. No internet.

Throughout this time, I stay in contact with my mom. if everything goes to shit, she will be the contact point for the rest of the family. my grandpa and I rush home to start preparing to run out of water. he rushes to the store. Walmart is having a sale on flats of water. I fill up pots, pans, all the water bottles and vases I can find. the tub gets filled up. this is what will make sure we can flush toilets here soon. after I get my grandma started on the same thing upstairs, I run to the store and puck up more flats of water, and some gallons. just in case. my Florida training is coming back. I treat this like I am prepping for a hurricane. Grandpa comes back with water - I come back with water and nonperishable food. he hadn’t even thought about what we were going to do for food - remember there is no power.

That night we go back to the river. it has flooded the intersection and has reached the higher of the two river roads. we were told the river would peak at 3 am. later, as we listen to the radio in the car, our phones charging and the AC blasting, the county commission says we have two days’ worth of water for the county - our water intake facility is underwater and has no power. all the bridges in the county have been closed - they are either gone or need to be assessed to see if they will hold anyone’s weight. my grandparents go to bed at 10. the new peak is 1 am. I stay up until 2:30, reading on my kindle and sitting by a candle. the windows are open to combat the heat. every 30 min I take a lap around the house. I’m making sure the water isn’t going to reach us. at 3 am, I finally pass out in bed. I don’t sleep well, because I can’t get cool enough to sleep.

Saturday morning my grandpa gets it in his head we should go out for breakfast. he wakes me up at 11, ready to face the day. I fall asleep in the air-conditioned car, as he and grandma drive around and realize that all the restaurants are closed. I knew this was coming - we are on a conserve water order, and half the county has no power. we go to the Publix deli, and while the sandwiches are made, I pick up energy drinks. if I’m out of power, I can’t make coffee. I need the caffeine to maintain the level of energy needed when I have two diabetic grandparents who have never weathered a hurricane to take care of. we meander back home and watch the water recede. one of the houses, we later find out, had 8 ft of water. many others have lost everything in their basements. many sat outside their homes to defend against looters, even as they watched the water take everything.

I go to besties apartment. she is frantic with panic, worried that grandpa, grandma, and I have drowned being so close to the river. I assure her that we are safe. there is a flood plain that would have to fill before we got flooded. if that happens, we have bigger problems. she has power, water, and internet. I charge everything and submit all my assignments for school early. Washington county still has everything running like normal - I take her out to eat as a thank you. our leftovers will be my dinner.

My great aunt stops by while I am out – the barn, the owner, and all the horses are fine. No one can get out to them. my great uncle will try again tomorrow. They no longer have cell service at their house. They have food and are preparing to go without water.

when I get home, there is almost no light left. I put a candle in every room and open all the windows - it is still too hot for me. I pace through the house and call my mom again to check in. dad and I talk for two hours. it is a relief to not have to hold anything together. by this point I am scrolling through my least favorite apps - Facebook and Twitter (or x or whatever). there are calls for help. calls to look for the missing. questions about our neighbors in NC. worries about everyone who hasn’t been heard from since Thursday night. the Appalachian region is in chaos.

Sunday I sleep in then go back to doom scrolling on my phone. mid afternoon, I pack all my chargeables and head to another friends. her boyfriend is laid up on the couch. he just started chemo, and his hospital has been evacuated. he will have to go north for treatment on Monday. they still don’t know which hospital he will be at. his parents are stuck on the other side of the river. we don’t know if the bridges out there are stable yet or not.

I get a call from grandma- we have power again! this means power is restored to the water intake station at the end of our street. they can start working on replacing the pumps and work to get water back! as I talk to her I scroll through Facebook, again. there in back and red, I see the post - GREENE COUNTY IS OUT OF WATER ALL THATS LEFT IS IN THE PIPES. fuck.

I go home to see that we do, in fact have power again. after making sure I am prepared for when the water in the pipes runs out, I crash. I am running on fumes already.

I spend half the night throwing up into the sink. there is no water to wash my mouth out with or to wash down the sink. they are predicting we could be out of water for up to two weeks. I cant waste water on my chest being congested.

Monday, I wake up early. I water my plants and make coffee. now that power is back, I can do that. I check in on the upstairs crew. they are fine. grandma is sewing again, and grandpa has made a run to replace the food lost so grandma can cook for tonight. I put on makeup for the first time in almost a week. I put on nice jeans and a decent shirt. I pack all the empty water bottles into a spare reusable bag. I pack myself into the car and go to school Hella early.

I go and wash my hands with soap and water. I get coffee. I set up in the student lounge. I film my midterm for my grad program. I cannot allow my grades to slip during all of this. I have 100s in all my classes, and this will not stop me. we walk to grab food after we finish filming. we get back in time to set up shop for our six hours of class tonight. during our break I fill every single water bottle up. I wont have a chance again until Thursday. I see evacuated Tusculum students arrive on campus and look around. after class, I make sure I have everything I need and use the bathroom one more time and scrub my hands vigorously. I will be back on the hand sanitizer once I get home.

the drive home isn’t too bad. this morning 81 was a shit show. besties 1:15 drive took over 2 hours to get to school today. mine was full of people who were going 15 under in the left lane, and people who were trying to race. when I finally get home, I take the pizza I got near school and put it in the oven to reheat. I put my water supplies away and take out the trash. miraculously, the trash pick-up is still on for tomorrow.

I continue to scroll. there are reports and videos of TEMA telling people to go away. they are trying to confiscate donations and are trying to chase off volunteers. in the volunteer state. people from Canada have come to help, but our own government won’t even bother to let the people who want to help in. there are rumors that they are trying to ARREST the people who are using their own helicopters to survey damage, rescue others, and bring in supplies. one video I saw was a T1 diabetic receiving insulin via drone that a friend was able to fly to them. the only way things will be accessible is if we make them so. emergency response has decided not to help, the people of Appalachia have taken it on themselves.

I continue to scroll, and I see the video that finally makes me cry. Governor Ron DeSantis of FL has requested that all aid be sent to the WNC and ETN areas that have been affected. he states that FL has requested the aid they need. he said that the Appalachian region needs the help more. in his words "at least here we can get around on boats. they don’t even have that". I watch the video three times. I end up crying so hard that I almost make myself sick. I can finally feel the dread, despair, devastation, and fear that I have been pushing down for days. I start shaking so hard I have to go sit on the floor. I text my parents, and they start trying to rationalize TEMAs actions. I get so angry that I cry again. what can we even do, anymore.

I decide that I need to get this typed out, so that even as the world moves on, I can look back and point to this and say “look! Here we are! We are people too!”

My family is safe. I have power, and internet. I will be able to go to work tomorrow, and only lost 2 days of work. I can pick a few Sunday shifts this month to recoup the loss of pay. However, there are so many who are not as fortunate as my family is. Please keep our area in your prayers. We will not know the full devastation until moths down the road. This will affect us for years.

For all of you fuckers who keep saying that we deserved this. For all of yu assholes who decided that this was God, purging the world of hatred. For all of you who are demanding refunds from trips, or are insisting on coming to visit in the next few weeks.

STOP

This area is pulling together to take care of each other, because our governments can’t be bothered to give a flying fuck. I don’t give a dam how you voted in this past election. I don’t care how you will vote in this next election. Every life is one that deserves to be saved. Every person who suffers deserves compassion and understanding if you don’t understand this, then I have one thing to say to you.

I will meet you in hell. Even if I drag you there kicking and screaming.

Do not mascaraed as if this is somehow a way to “purge” the south. This is an area of poor mountain people. We did nothing to deserve your scorn.

there is already a high death toll. We don’t know how many actually died. If you cannot treat the people who live in these mountains with compassion, I hope that the things that live in these woods eat you alive.

below are pictures from the past few days:

Friday:

Saturday:

i know that we are so lucky that we are as safe as we are. there is more we will have to face, and the people in the rest of the area have it worse. but know this - we will not give up.

#eviespeaks #tennesee flooding #western north carolina #east tennessee #fuck TEMA #hurricane helene

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bunnybeingbetter · 1 year ago

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＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　25/100 day of productivity 　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

{ a quarter of the way thru the 100 dop challenge!}

I need to put yesterday's event behind me. I need to push forward. That project has time. I don't even have to do it.

Im considering asking them again, maturely, this time.

anyway-

I was to attend an event this afternoon, so I made myself a good coffee with breakfast this morning. Watched a study blog, listened to some motivational stuff, and practiced mindfulness to remind me of who I am, what I am to do, etc. throughout the morning.

To ground myself really, and get me motivated to my studies and self-care a little better.

I'm breaking out so much cri-

BUT

ITS SAFE TO SAY IM BACK ON MY JAM. CANT BE UPSET FOR TOO LONG. THATS UNHEALTHY.

Today's to-do:

＊ napoleon worksheet

＊ atom research breakthrough notes

＊ french history revision

＊ element builder simulation sheets

＊ uhhh to be updated??

thank u to peter le's study vlog ha

#studymotivation #schoolblog #100 days of productivity #study blog #books #reading #high school #study tips #school #studyblr

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armydreamerr · 4 months ago

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just found this in my drafts and I do Not remember writing it

School lets out for the summer and all is right with the world again. Don't ever let anyone tell you that high school students don't spend every waking hour of the school year counting down the seconds until summer vacation. Glenn Stanton is no exception to this fact. It's a universal trait that all high schoolers share.

Allow me to set the scene: June, 2019. Glenn Stanton, a hippie, exhibitionist, freelance critic, soon-to-be high school senior, film buff, artist extraordinaire sets his sights on Nancy Dunne, an angry, horny, Limp Bizkit-listening, punk-ass, bastard kid with a girl's name despite the fact that he is most definitely a guy. Nobody quite knows what attracted sweet, beautiful, popular Glenn, with about twenty girls falling over themselves to date him, to Nancy, who's certainly destined to be a garbage man in the future, but let's just say that Dunne rhymes with fun and leave it at that.

I speak in run-on sentences. You'll have to forgive me, it's been a long time since I told a story from scratch like this. Nancy Dunne gets a job at the boardwalk for the summer, so he can, I don't know, glare at the customers? He leans over the counter of the food stand, giving everyone the nastiest look he can muster up. His scowls are wasted on the beach crowd, who don't care that the 5'4 high school kid with shitty dyed blue hair is giving them the stink eye. Glenn is so totally smitten. 'Splain that if you can, Lucy.

Glenn spends his afternoons at the boardwalk with his best friends, Sheila E and Telephone Newandyke. (Yes, that Telephone Newandyke. Brother to Beach, son to Fred. Never had money for parking. Maybe you know him? He's got blue eyes like the ocean. Strawberry blonde hair falling in delicate swoops over his forehead. Coffee-cake coloured freckles dotting his milky pale face. That Telephone Newandyke.) Telephone is totally wrapped up in his own fantasies about China and pen-pals and Innsmouth and meteors, so he doesn't pay any attention to Glenn. Sheila E pays closer attention to Glenn, but she still doesn't pay enough attention. Everything he says to her seems to go in one ear out the other. How are these the perfect Glenn Stanton's best friends? And how is the one and only object of Glenn's affections Nancy Dunne? I guess we really do accept the love we think we deserve.

Nancy is kind of cute, in the way Fred Durst is. He has kind of a soft, sweet voice, but the things he says are always very angry. He has light blue eyes, but there's an endless storm behind them. He feels like he got betrayed. Like the apathy that enraptures his soul is somehow a fault of the world around him. The great slacker pageant is funded by the same church that protests it. Oh, go bomb an abortion clinic. Nancy wants to join the Church of Satan. Feel free to read that in a mocking tone. The thing Nancy hates is that he feels apathetic to the things that used to make him happy, but when things make him sad or angry he feels them in full force.

People will tell you you're a manic pixie dream girl if you dye your hair pink and sing about being gay and sad but Kurt Cobain did it all the time and look at how we remember him. Glenn and Telephone kissed behind the bleachers in ninth grade when Glenn was still figuring out the extent of his gayness, and he still feels bad about it sometimes. Like he made Telephone do something he didn't want to do. He's pretty sure Telephone is aromantic or something. He never talks about girls. He certainly never talks about guys. Glenn still feels guilty about it sometimes. Telephone gives Sheila E a poem he wrote about China, or rather not, and Sheila E reads it and laughs and Glenn feels even worse. Glenn kind of wants to stop hanging out with them because they make him really sad and he has spent his whole life trying to not be sad. He masturbates to the thought of Nancy, and indulges in his tennis skirt fetish. Then he cries himself to sleep. Isn't it getting cold down there under the weather?

Nancy jerks off behind the counter at work because it's raining and no one is around. This is a story about teenage boys. When he's done he knocks off work early because NO ONE IS AROUND. He rides around the mostly empty town on his bike in the light, chilly rain until he gets to the cinema and sees they're showing The Tingler. Despite attempting to build his "I hate everything" persona, Nancy accidentally loves sci-fi B movies. Adores them, actually. He loves science fiction, writes it in his free time. He pushes his red glasses up his nose and marches inside.

I'll make a long story short: he sees the movie and runs into Glenn on his way home completely by accident. Glenn is pretty, in the way Winona Ryder is pretty. Big, dark eyes and luminous pale skin. Nancy kind of finds himself hot for Glenn all of a sudden. Plot twist? Or maybe I'm a shit writer. I like to tell stories about very sad people who have absolutely nothing happen to them. Glenn and Nancy sort of talk for a minute and then they both go home and I mention masturbation for the third time in this story. I am a very frustrated person, in more ways than one. Glenn jacks off the thought of Nancy, but it isn't sexy like it was last time. He just thinks of them going on a date, maybe holding hands or kissing a little. He's all shaky and sad when he comes, and it's kind of pathetic. He starts wondering if maybe he's just really lonely. He listens to Boiler by Limp Bizkit and texts Telephone but gets left on delivered. Telephone Newandyke is busy, busy, busy. Busy visiting Citronella, busy biking around town in the rain, busy spending all his parking money on hookers or some shit like that. Glenn cries and feels like shit because I'm crying and I feel like shit. Maybe when I'm feeling happier Glenn will feel happier too. Maybe I'll give him a date with Nancy.

Nancy Dunne dies his fading blue hair again with four dollar box dye from CVS. Is that an aesthetic? He thinks about church and Billy Joel and setting fire to something. Angry teenage boy thoughts. His parents are in Las Vegas for the week. Maybe. That's where they said they were going, anyway. But Nancy doesn't know. He's all alone. Alone, alone, alone. He punches his walls and stays out late at night and then he comes home and bawls his eyes out while listening to ABBA and trying to convince himself his life isn't falling apart. He feels like he's just waiting for something that's never going to come. He reads Kurt Cobain's suicide note and wonders what his will be like. He thinks about the kombucha fermenting in the back of his closet, which he made when everything felt alright. He wonders if he'll live to drink it.

I wish this was the kind of story where two people are hurting and then they find each other and everything's okay again, but it isn't, because that's not happening to me and I feel like I'm losing all control, like my life's coming apart. It's a very nihilistic way to see things. And I'm tired of writing the word beauty. Nancy is pretty sure he's decaying, and his life is spiralling away from him, getting further and further out of his grasp with every breath he takes and every stumbling step forward. Glenn feels like he's all alone. Sheila E and Telephone don't talk to him anymore, which happened so fast, and now he's all alone. Trapped inside his house where he crawls from room to room because he can't reach the kitchen. They're both crawling around like horny tuberculosis patients. I'm at a bad point in my life, so they are too. It's getting cold down here under the weather.

(So lend me your umbrella?)

Nancy and Glenn find each other somehow. Natural selection, I guess. There's a point where being miserable doesn't feel righteous anymore, and you just feel trapped. I think I hit that point. I want to just forget why I'm sad and angry but then I'd be selling myself out and telling the people who hurt me that it's okay to hurt me; I'll forgive them like that because I'm so lonely. Lonely lonely. All alone. Glenn and Nancy aren't alone, though. They have each other. They meet at the boardwalk and they see a sci-fi B movie together because that's all the damn theatre ever shows. They emerge into the starry night and Glenn thinks about how Nancy is kind of a tortured artist. It makes him really sad and then he kind of feels nice, because it's a sliver of hope. A hint that the apathy hasn't overtaken him yet and that he still kind of cares. Nancy and Glenn aren't exactly a love match. They're both just lonely and horny. Longing for the touch of another person, the closeness. There's an undeniable emotional chasm between them, but it doesn't matter because they're lying in the field next to the trailer park and Nancy's hands are in Glenn's hair and Glenn forgets how to breathe so Nancy gives him mouth-to-mouth. Maybe there's no real love, just undeniable loneliness, but none of it matters when Nancy's mouth is wide open against Glenn's, and finally, finally they don't have to be alone anymore.

"I think I hate Sheila E and Telephone," Glenn tells Nancy one afternoon as they stroll around town. It's raining again, oh surprise, surprise.

"Don't shit where you eat," Nancy replies, blowing a strand of blue hair out of his blue eyes. He kind of just told Glenn not to abandon the friends he has, even if he hates them, because then he'll be all alone again. Glenn doesn't want to be all alone anymore. He doesn't think he can handle it. No matter how many people like him, or how many people know him, he is alone on a desert island. Nancy lives in the dark, and he can handle it. Glenn is a creature of the sun, and he can't. Nancy feels like throwing himself into the stormy seas. Glenn wants to climb up and live in the lighthouse so he never has to see the darkness again.

Nancy gets really sick, and his eyes go all puffy and red. He sniffles and cries all the time. Glenn thinks he's having a nervous breakdown. Teenage boys are some of the most fragile creatures on the planet. Nancy cries himself to sleep every night and remembers when he was young and he used to cry because he was so lonely even when his parents were in the next room. They've been in Las Vegas for a month now. Nancy is so so lonely and no amount of words I ever write can illustrate how sad he is. Glenn starts sleeping over at Nancy's house. I said they weren't a love match but I think I might have been wrong. Glenn accidentally loves Nancy a little bit, like misery loves company. Nancy just loves not being alone. He cries himself to sleep in Glenn's arms. He feels so sad that he thinks the only way to not feel like this is to just kill himself. Just kill himself. Kurt Cobain did it, and look at how we remember him. Except Nancy doesn't care how he's remembered, he just doesn't want to feel so sad all the time. Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself?

Glenn finds Nancy's suicide note which he wrote just in case and feels like he's going to crack and crumble, because as much as Nancy he needs him he also needs Nancy so that he doesn't have to be alone either. If Nancy kills himself Glenn will be all alone again, and he can't. He can't he can't he can't. There's no foreseeable end in sight, just an empty void. I thought being passionate was one of the best things about me, but now I'm not passionate anymore and there's nothing good about me. I feel like I'm losing myself.

Sometimes I feel like I've been waiting at a train station all my life. And I want to end this story on a hopeful note, but I think I've lost my voice.

#tw suicide #tw sui ideation #jay's soliloquies #oc writing

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thelightsandtheroses · 1 year ago

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15 Questions and 15 Mutuals

tysm for the tags @darkroastjoel and @morning-star-joy

Were you named after anyone?

Yes, actually this technically covers both my first and middle name. My first name in particular is in part a tribute to a family member who had died before I was born.

When was the last time you cried?

Oh, wow. Thursday night - my anxiety and hormones have been all over the place, work and life have been stressful and I had an argument so I cried.

Do you have kids?

Nope

Do you use sarcasm?

No, never 😉 all the time

What's the first thing you notice about people?

Probably their faces and then their general impressions/vibes?? I’m not sure.

What's your eye color?

Hazel

Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings. I don’t mind scary movies, but have to be in the right mood for them and if they are too psychological or get into my head, they can freak me out for days!

Any special talents?

I can read pretty fast, I’m not sure exactly what my “wpm” is but I’ve been able to read multiple books in a day before (and go out for the afternoon around this)

Where were you born?

Somewhere in the UK, England to be specific.

What are your hobbies?

Reading, writing, listening to music. I also like yoga (all different types from vinyasa to yin to ashtanga though the last one is really hard!) and spinning classes (though I’ve been lazy recently). I am also really into my coffee and have a proper espresso coffee machine and am quite a perfectionist with that.

Have any pets?

No at the moment, but hopefully I will do again soon in the future!

What sports do you play/have you played?

I did a lot of different dance types as a kid, but I’m not a good dancer now!

How tall are you?

5'5 (and a half!)

Favourite subject in school?

English Literature and also any chance we got in a lesson to do any creative writing.

Dream job?

I’m not sure anymore. I always wanted something that involved books and my current job is not that, but I don’t know if those are the sectors I want to pursue anymore.

I desperately wanted to be an author for my whole childhood and younger me would be upset that I’ve not pursued it in recent years and have left my novels in a drawer - I would like to try again with that one day though and I’m starting to rebuild my confidence with writing again after I got far too into my head about it.

I think a lot of people have already done this so if you haven’t but want to, you’re tagged! ❤️

#asks game #get to know lolabee

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purplesurveys · 6 months ago

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1868

Lasts

1. Last Beverage? A chocnut latte. I appreciate how baristas have figured out a way to incorporate chocnut into coffee. Mine even came with chunks 🥺

2. Last Phone Call? This afternoon at the mall when I needed to coordinate with my mom on where to meet up again, since we split so I could pick up something from the grocery and for her to do some shopping.

3. Last Text Message? My cousin, since I needed him to pass a message to my grandma.

4. Last Song You Listened To? Cuff It by Beyonce.

5. Last Time You Cried? Yesterday evening when I watched a video of one of those dog photographers who stop people on the street – the video I came across revolved around a deaf dog, and I started crying when I heard his owners talk about them and how he makes them happy.

Have You Ever

6. Dated Someone Twice? Mhm.

7. Been Cheated on? No, at least I don't think I was.

8. Kissed Someone And Regretted It? A few times.

9. Lost someone special? Yes.

10. Been Depressed? Yes. I had it worst at age 12, then again from 19 to 22.

11. Been Drunk? I have, yeah.

List Three Favorite Colors: I'm going to guess my answers to this will count as #12 to #14 because there isn't any on this survey? Hahaha let's go with purple for 12, pastel pink for 13, and sky blue for 14.

This Year Have You:

15. Made New Friends? Not really. I've come across new co-workers but I wouldn't call them friends.

16. Fallen Out Of Love? I have not felt in love in nearly half a decade.

17. Laughed until You Cried? Yes, for sure.

18. Met Someone Who Changed You? Nah.

19. Found Out Who Your True Friends Were? Well that already happened a while back, not necessarily just this year.

20. Found Out Someone Was Talking About You? Sure.

21. Kissed anyone on your friends list? Nope.

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life? Like on Facebook? All of them. I never add anyone I don't know.

23. Do you have any pets? I have two dogs and they're my best friends.

24. What did you do for your last birthday? I took a nap for most of the afternoon then brought my family out for dinner at my favorite buffet. Angela and Hans also surprised me by coming over in the evening and we talked well until midnight.

25. What time did you wake up today? Around 9 AM.

26. What were you doing at midnight last night? Watching Bon Voyage.

27. Name something you CANNOT wait for? Jin getting discharged from the military. I can't believe 547 days have passed just like that?

28. Last time you saw your father? January. I will be seeing him again this Saturday though :)

29. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? I wish I've done a better job networking so that looking for future job options wouldn't be such a bitch.

30. What are you listening to right now? BTS trying to make fire on Bon Voyage 4.

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? I'm pretty sure I have.

32. What’s getting on your nerves right now? My back hurting.

33. What is your real name? Hi, I'm Robyn!

34. Zodiac Sign? Taurus.

35. Male or Female? Female.

36. Elementary School? Nah.

37. Middle School? Nope.

38. High School? Nope, but what I can tell you is I attended the same school from kinder to high school. Our schools here are not divided into levels.

39. Hair Color? It's naturally black, but right now it's dyed purple.

40. Long or short hair? I have short hair for now as I finally recently had it trimmed from my waist up to my collarbones.

41. Height? I'm 5'1".

42. Do you have a crush on someone? Nope.

43. What do you like about yourself? I like that I'm competitive because it's basically means that I've always wanted to be the best at everything. I know I'm not and won't be, but it helps form the drive to do the best I possibly could.

44. Piercings? I have on each earlobe.

45. Tattoos? None.

46. Righty or Lefty? Right handed.

Firsts

47. Surgery? Never had any.

48. Piercing? Earlobes, as a baby.

49. Tattoo? Don't have any.

50. Best Friend? Kaye but tbh it was so short-lived. We were 4 and we were only friends for a year lmao. My first real best friend would be Angela.

51. Sport you joined? Swimming.

52. Pet? Goldfish.

53. Vacation you remembered? My family regularly took us to water parks or would book a hotel room on the weekends when I was suuuuper young, but what I would count as the first real vacation we ever had was when we went to Boracay. I was 11 and it was my first plane ride, and I was shaking and had my eyes closed for like 80% of the 1-hour flight. I was also clueless enough to think the Philippines had different timezones, and by the time we landed I innocently asked my parents what time it was there, hehehe.

54. Concert? Paramore in 2013, when I was 15. It was loads of fun but I was also kind of pettily mad at them because the show was held just a couple of weeks before they released Self-Titled, so we missed all of that.

55. Crush? Like real-life crush, ...probably Andi.

56. Alcoholic Drink? It was a glass of margarita.

Right Now

57. Eating? Continued from...who knows when I took this last, lmao. Last weekend maybe? I'm not eating anything as I take this, but I had a cheeseburger and Kitkat frappe from Wendy's earlier this evening. Those two were the last things I had.

58. Drinking? Water.

59. I’m about to… Finish this then maybe take another one, as I wasn't able to take surveys all week.

60. Listening to… mono, Joon's mixtape. seoul is currently playing.

61. Waiting for… Jin to come back. Just 17 days left :)

Your Future

62. Want kids? Not part of the plan anymore.

63. Want to get married? I've learned to be fine on my own.

64. Careers in mind? I love the industry I'm in; it's just a matter of reaching bigger things from here.

Which Is Better with the opposite/same sex

65. Lips or Eyes? Lips.

66. Hugs or Kisses? Kisses, I guess. I'm not affectionate, but I do prefer those more.

67. Shorter or Taller? Taller, because I'm kind of short as it is heh.

68. Older or Younger? Older.

69. Romantic or Spontaneous? Spontaneous can be romantic too, so I'd pick that.

70. Nice stomach or Nice arms? Arms.

71. Tattoos or Piercings? I don't really have a preference.

72. Sensitive or Loud? About...?

74. Trouble Maker or Hesitant? Hesitant. I hate bad influences lol

Have You Ever (2)

75. Kissed a stranger? Have not.

76. Drank hard liquor? Sure. Those days are far behind me now lol, but yeah I used to.

77. Lost glasses/contacts? Would be very stupid of me to lose my glasses as I practically need them to function haha. So no this hasn't happened, but I have broken my glasses before – I've sat on them, stepped on them, leaned on them too much etc I can be pretty reckless lol which is stupid in its own right.

79. Broken someone’s heart? I'm sure I have.

80. Had your heart broken? Yes.

81. Been arrested? Nope. I've been pulled over for traffic violations but that's the worst it's ever reached.

82. Turned someone down? Yes.

83. Cried when someone died? Of course.

84. Liked a friend that is the same sex? Mhm.

Do You Believe In

85. Yourself? I do now. I'm the only one I have, so I kind of have to start with myself haha.

86. Miracles? No.

87. Love at first sight? Not really.

88. Heaven? No.

89. Santa Claus? Well, no. Even as a kid I couldn't buy it. Why can he never show up, and why do I always need to be asleep for him to come over? it frustrated my 5 year old self more than it probably should've hahaha.

90. Kissing on the first date? I mean, sure, whatever. Do whatever feels natural.

91. Angels? Nope.

92. Sex before marriage? Yes.

93. Life on other planets? 100%.

94. Life after death? Reincarnation can be a cool concept but I personally think that when someone die, that is It for them. So no.

95. Only being with one person forever? It happens for some people, so yes. Doesn't mean I believe it applies to all.

Answer Truthfully

96. Is there one person you want to be with right now? No, I'm okay on my own and have been for a while now.

97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfrend at one time? Never.

98. Do you believe it’s possible to remain faithful forever? Yes.

99. What’s the one thing you cannot live without? Phone.

100. What’s one secret you have that not many people know? It's not really a secret, but maybe the fact that I play table tennis and can play it pretty well? LOL the topic never comes up and there's almost always never a table tennis table anywhere, so I never get to talk about it or show it.

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annieintheaair · 10 months ago

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It’s 7am. I’ve been awake since 3am, tossing and turning, listening to ocean sounds, hoping to calm me and put me back to sleep. No luck.

Around 5am, after laying in bed for two hours not sleeping, a purple orb appeared in my bedroom. Of course, I had to google it. What did it all mean? Well, I read about it here. To say I’ve been freaking out is an understatement. I lost all hope of falling back asleep after that. How appropriate that hours after writing here about feeling alone, a purple orb would show up to remind me that I’m not alone. What other messages did they come to share? Was it a message about forgiveness? Healing? I’m not entirely sure but I tried my best not to be scared and try to understand that it was supposed to be a comfort.

Last night I conquered one of my biggest fears— driving in the rain. It was a monsoon outside. I swear the rain came down even harder just as I was about to leave my house. I almost accepted the late cancel fee just so I wouldn’t have to drive. I prayed the entire way. It was so hard to see with the rain just pouring buckets. It reminded me of the night back in June when I drove through the rain and flooded and totaled my dream car. I still have PTSD from that day.

I wish I could say that the drive to yoga was worth it but instead I spent the whole class losing my balance, completely unfocused, and trying not to throw up. I almost walked out 15 minutes into class because I wasn’t sure if I could make it. By the end of class, as I’m usually dreading it coming to an end, not wanting to get up from shavasana, instead I was trying to resist the urge to check my watch to see when it would be over. I couldn’t wait to get home.

All day yesterday, I tried to put shows and movies on. Two days in a row, I can’t even tell you what I tried to watch because my attention was completely gone. Instead, I clocked more hours yesterday at my part-time job than I’ve ever clocked there before. I spent my entire day pouring myself into emails, helping customers, trying to do damage control to solve all of their problems, and preparing a report for the meeting that I have to lead every Tuesday.

By 3pm yesterday, I still hadn’t eaten a single thing. My stomach hurt and I was hungry but felt like eating anything would make me feel worse. Instead, I poured myself a mug of beef broth and sipped on it while I worked.

I wish I could rewind time; turn the clock back; find a time machine. I don’t even need to go back that far, just a few days so I could redo everything, make different decisions, and fix my mistakes. Maybe I’d be sleeping better, eating, and not feeling so sick. Maybe I wouldn’t be thinking about the Home Chef order that will probably go to waste this week because I can’t eat it.

Dogs always know when you’re sad. When I woke up at 3am, both of my dogs were cuddled up close next to me. I reached over to pet them and they both gave me kisses. We seriously do not deserve dogs.

At this point, going back to sleep probably won’t happen. Maybe I can get myself asleep for an afternoon nap later before work but I’m not counting on it. Coffee would be nice today if I could actually drink it.

Oh, 2024, I’m already disappointed.

xoxo

Annie

*After I wrote this, I actually did end up falling asleep for a short period of time. I had a weird but comforting dream. For a while, I felt like I could still feel Dan around after he passed but then it felt like he went away once he knew I was okay and moving on. After seeing the purple orb this morning, in my dream, which felt so real, he showed up. No words were spoken. He walked up to me and gave me a hug as I cried. It felt like the ultimate goodbye. When the dream continued on without him, I felt a weird sense of comfort, like it was all suddenly ok.*

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meginator · 1 year ago

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Monday Morning Blues

Yesterday was bittersweet. It was a cloudy day, and I strolled across the parking lot as leaves danced across the concrete. I had ended up at a coffee shop with Charcoal, patiently waiting outside to meet somebody. It was the perfect Fall Sunday afternoon plan, with a blast from the past. I went to meet my first love, the man that I said those words to in Grade 8, a man I haven't seen in 12 years. I was worried he was going to say goodbye and close the door, I was worried it would be a slap in the face, or regret. However, when he showed up and hugged me and said "hey, it's been awhile"... my heart felt at peace.

The strong feelings that I once had, that crush, that desire, had all faded over time. Now, standing before me, was an old friend and a real connection that had stood the test of time. This was somebody who really knew me.

He was able to meet my dog, Charcoal, and that in itself was bittersweet. We picked up some hot chocolate, sat on the patio for awhile, then we ended up on a long walk. We took turns sharing stories and asking questions, and it's funny how much really doesn't matter when you sum up over a decade in a matter of hours. Then it was time for him to go, and with one last hug and tears swelling in our eyes, we said goodbye. It's impossible to say if I will ever see him again, and the fact that he's returning to Israel didn't make it any easier. It's not a simple "see you later" when the circumstances are like this. I cried once I arrived at my parents house for a visit and hugged my mom and my aunt. I explained the tug at my heartstrings, but it's not something they will ever understand. Out of everybody in high-school, he's the only one I ever cared to see again... and 12 years later, I did. I don't think I will ever regret seeing him again, but it wasn't easy to let go.

This morning I still found tears swelling in my eyes and an ache in my heart. I miss him already.

It's amazing how somebody can maintain a connection without keeping in touch over such a long period of time. However, upon visiting my family after, I realized how disconnected I am from them. It's like I do my best to talk to people, but I don't really feel heard. I listen to people, but I don't feel like I understand them anymore. I needed that reminder that connections are still possible, even through all this chaos.

I don't think I'll ever be able to thank him enough. I didn't have the best time in high-school, but he always made me feel seen. He meant the world to me in some of my darkest moments, and he will forever be remembered as that person who showed up. He will always be special in my eyes. I hope with all of my heart that he will remain safe in this world, and I wish him nothing but the best when he plays the piano for his fiancé and kisses her on their wedding day.

Thank you for loving me when I didn't yet understand what love was. You will always have a friend in me.

#first love #memories #feelings #cloudy day #i miss you

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whatididtday · 1 year ago

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SEPT 14 (THU) :

I woke up at around 8:00, had some coffee and payasam anf feel asleep.

It's my dad's birthday today, I didn't wish him irl, just messaged him.

I know he might have felt upset but I don't want to hurt myself even more than I am

I slept till afternoon, played pogo for a bit, listened non stop to the song Crossed by Brady

I cried a lot, the whole noon - uncontrollable crying anf self pity

Read a lot of things about autism and wondered in fear if I can ever get over the limitations

I told my bb about me crying and they've been very kind and sweet, supportive

They told me take proper rest for one week, no thinking about finding job, just rest and take care of my health and do things I enjoy as I've been burnt out and that's why I'm crying so much.

They've been a safe place and the warmest kindest thing to ever happen to me, I can't wait to marry them and spend the rest of my life with them.

In the evening I had tea and went out with my mother and she bought me an eyeshadow pallette and a beauty blender, the foundation I wanted wasn't in stock and she got herself a kohl kajal

It rained a lot today, I felt really awful for bugging such a pricey eyeshadow pallette, I hope I can give something beautiful to my mom once I start earning

Then I had some makhana after coming home, fed my cat.

I played pogo and texted my love few times, then they asked if we could videocall in some time

I finished up my dinner: fried rice and really good fish curry, I had some sweets too

I put on makeup to look cute cute our videocall anf set up my sunset lamp

We videocalled and laughed a lot, we transfered pogo pokémons, I sent them a porygon and they sent me an unown "L", we talked about our day, infodumped about wars interest,sun fish, anime, a bit of pokémon

We took a quiz about which type of pokémon are you, I got Normal type and they got water type

We then took a quiz of which eeveelution are you and laughed a lot at the option types in the quiz : it was obvious that all the options were really the characteristics of the eeveelutions

I got Eevee and they got Sylvieon. We laughed a lot about it and they comforted me by saying Eevee is the cutest of them all.

We did our cute loving things together, it was very warm and fun.

They then told me they caught up to one piece Manga and are v excited as it's the final arc anf it's v nice to listen to them being so cute and passionate.

I infodumped a bit more even thigh I could see them being v eepy but I still went on.. Then I finally controlled my urge to talk and I just let them go to sleep after giving lots of kisses and us telling I love yous.

My heart is full with love and gratefulness from my beloved bb, I miss them so much. I can't wait to be back in their arms and listen to them breathe and feel them laugh and kiss them warmly again.

I miss them so much, it hurts.

I want to get a job and for that I need to love what I am learning and then I'll get better at it and make routines and figure something out

Wish me luck

#Spotify

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qemfd · 2 years ago

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It rained today. It finally rained

Beautiful clear skies all over today, but you can expect some moderate rain from tomorrow afternoon through to Thursday morning...

It had stopped being a promise after a while. The same forecast, day after day, just became so much background noise

Rain tomorrow. And tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow; all of them stubbornly refusing to creep in their petty pace from day to the same. God. Damned. day.

-but you can expect some moderate rain from tomorrow afternoon through to Thursday morning...

Tomorrow afternoon. Thursday morning. Rain. After a while these things become idle fantasies, nothing more than daydreams slipping through your fingers

I used to make plans for what I would do if I ever made it to Wednesday afternoon. They changed according to my mood - the only thing that ever did change. Some days I would promise to put on heavy boots and go jumping about in puddles. Others I would dream of pressing myself against the window with a mug of steaming cocoa | tea | coffee | soup (delete as appropriate) and listen to the tempest beat against the glass. Or I would run naked through the streets and whoop for joy at the feeling of water breaking on my parched skin

But there I was, sitting in the kitchen when I heard the first drops fall fat and heavy against the glass, and there was no plan. My body rose without conscious directive, my feet padded to the door, down the hall, out onto the street, all without my guiding them. My mind was blank, my eyes locked on the grey of the sky outside

Grey. What a wonderful colour for a sky to be...

Without thinking, without making any conscious decision to move, I was outside. I was outside in the rain, too numb to run or jump or shout or do anything other than cry thick tears that melded with the raindrops when I tilted my head back to the sky

-you can expect some moderate rain from tomorrow afternoon...

Apologetic. A tone that spoke of misery and disappointment, of cumbersome umbrellas and of steamed windows on overcrowded buses. The weather forecaster had said nothing of the joy. The euphoria of feeling water carried thousands of miles through liquid and gas and liquid again to crash jubilantly against your skin.

The rain burned against skin that had been lost in the desert of Tuesday for so many years. The roar of the downpour flooded my senses until I could not hear where it ended and my laughter began. I did not dance in the rain, but it danced around me. In the sound of water bringing together heaven and earth I heard the song of linear time welcoming me home

Laughter turned into sobs. Huge, racking spasms that sent me tipping forward onto my knees, gulping in breath aperiodically. I couldn't control myself. I didn't particularly want to

"You alright there?" Bill Hargreeves was walking back from taking the dog out - one o'clock, same as yesterday and every yesterday that came before it. A creature of habit, was Bill, and the thought set me off laughing again

"Yes," I managed to choke out. "Thanks, Bill."

He looked confused. I don't think I knew his name on Monday. It was becoming more and more painful to laugh but I couldn't stop

"Something funny, is it?" he asked

I shook my head with a grin so broad it threatened to split my face in two. "It's raining," I replied. "It's raining today."

"So it is," he replied carefully, tugging his Staffie-Spaniel-cross as she tried to pull on her lead to investigate me more closely.

I laughed until the laughter turned back to crying, and then cried until the heavy, gut-wrenching sobs subsided into a cold saturation

I had not put on heavy boots. I had been wearing my espadrilles, the same ones I had worn on Tuesday. Force of habit. When I finally dragged myself up and staggered back into the house, the shoes were ruined beyond hope of repair. They won't be there tomorrow when I reach for them

There is a joy in that as well, the same kind of euphoria that I felt when the rain danced with me, but somewhat different. It has a sharper edge to it, this joy, as I look down at those dissolving shoes. The edge says: this is done, and it cannot be taken back or done anew

The deep sense of dread that settles into my bones is its own sort of joy as well

----

That moment was the best part of my day, because it was the only time I could forget that it was Tuesday

I dream now. I don't know if I dreamed on Monday, or any of the days before

I do know that I never dreamed on Tuesday. There was never any sleep, not truly. No sooner would I fall asleep on Tuesday evening than I would wake up on Tuesday morning with that single moment of blissful, groggy confusion

But in the nights since, I dream

In my dream - it is always the same dream - I am standing in a featureless space that goes on forever. In front of me stand tens... no, hundreds of thousands of people, all of them me

All of these versions of me have lived a different Tuesday. There is the one who got a tattoo from a drunk woman I met at a punk concert when I hopped on the train for London one Tuesday morning. There's the me who set fire to my house in the waning hours of Tuesday night in a desperate attempt to break the cycle. There are many versions of me who did not survive to fall asleep, and their bodies litter the floor among us

But I do not look behind me, in the dream

And, of course, there is a me out there somewhere who woke up on Tuesday morning after having gone to sleep on Monday evening and lived a perfectly normal day. I do not remember what happened on that first day. I suppose I probably went to work, came home, made dinner, then had an early night

I never look behind me, but I know that there are more there. They are those who came after me, who are still locked in Tuesday. I know, with that strange dream knowledge that does not necessarily come from anywhere rational, that if I turn around I would be able to see how long the loop really goes on. I would see what it was building toward; perhaps I would even come to understand what it was all for

----

I did not dream within the loop, but my recurring dream definitely started there. It was during one of my academic stints where I was searching for answers

Early on, perhaps only a year or so in, I had managed to charm the login credentials out of a doctoral student at the University of Birmingham who was visiting home for his mother's birthday. A day later, he had no recollection of ever meeting me, but I could use his credentials to access the university library. On the rare occasion that my research activity threw up any alarms that rescinded my access, I only ever needed to wait until Tuesday morning to start again

I had started with time travel, of course, but it turns out that reputable sources about the nature of time loops are few and far between, and utterly impenetrable for anyone without a postgraduate or even postdoctoral grasp of physics. By the time I had taught myself to this level - a task made slower by my inability to retain any physical notes or revision materials from one day to the next -, I realised that most of these sources were completely impractical for my situation, dealing with theoretical questions of perspective and identity that bordered on the philosophical

Next was neuroscience and the human mind, trying to figure out if there were some reason this condition was affecting me, but that was similarly fruitless. It turns out that applying the scientific method to understand human psychology is such a young science that the field is hopelessly lacking in general unifying theoretical foundations, let alone ones that offer specific insights into what can make a person relive the same day over and over and over again

All this to say I went through a few academic phases. In one I became interested in the topic of dark matter - more out of academic curiosity rather than any sense of a hopeful outcome, if I'm honest

It was during this phase that I stumbled upon a paper from 2012 by Dr. Priya Tandulkar on a phenomenon she termed 'recursive temporal folding' that could occur as the result of sufficient quantities of dark matter interacting with gravity waves

I was feeling impulsive at the time so I found her current email - she was now tenured at MIT - and sent her an enquiry about her paper, saying that I was a student with an interest in researching this topic for a PhD and would she have time to meet. She replied a few hours later:

Thank you for your enquiry and for your interest in the paper on RTF. I would be happy to meet with you but I am very busy this week. Would next Friday, around 1pm EST work for you?

I replied:

Unfortunately I am unable to meet next week. I can really only do today.

Her response came five minutes later:

I see.

Then, another ten minutes:

Unfortunately my afternoon is completely booked. It is a shame that you did not contact me a few hours earlier. If you cannot do next week, please get back in touch with me to organise a meeting when you are available. For future reference, I will make particular efforts to accommodate if you tell me your supervisor is Esther Kiraly

Suffice to say that I was a bit of an expert in this topic at this point, but I had never heard of anyone by the name of Esther Király working in the field. A hurried search for the name found only a couple of obituaries, a gynaecologist in New South Wales, and seventy-six Facebook profiles, about half of whom were almost definitely bots

Nonetheless, the next Tuesday morning I sent Dr. Tandulkar a second introduction email, this time saying that I was a student of Esther Király and that I was interested in RTF

An hour later, she sent me a link to a Zoom meeting

"How do you know Esther?" she asked me

I had prepared a lie. I don't remember the details of it now, but I'm sure it was clever

Dr. Tandulkar studied my face as I spoke, and when I finished she asked, "Did I tell you her name? Yesterday?"

It was rare to feel surprise on a day where everything goes according to clockwork. I had almost forgotten what it was like at the time, and even now I can recall that electric rush of panic at the realisation that I was known

My fingers itched to slam the laptop closed and back away

"Yes," I said instead

"You're not the first person to get in touch with me over that temporal folding paper," Priya said later, after giving me permission to use her given name. "Esther contacted me a year after it was published."

"Who is she?"

"Esther was originally from Miskolc, a town in eastern Hungary near the Romanian border. Her son and his family emigrated to the United States in the nineties, and Esther followed them in 2009 following the death of her husband and the loss of her family home in the global financial crisis. By all accounts, Esther was a diligent home-maker who spoke very little English up until a Sunday morning in 2013, when she woke up speaking fluent English with a Queens accent, and had a strong interest in theoretical physics and gravitational waves. She phoned me on my home number at seven in the morning and asked to chat."

My breathing was simultaneously too shallow and too deep. I could not inhale enough air, and yet my lungs felt close to bursting

"What happened to her?"

"We discussed what was happening to her, she went to bed on Sunday evening, and she woke up on Monday morning."

Her words hit me like a freight train

"She got out?"

At the time the thought was dangerous. I had tried to delude myself into thinking I no longer hoped for escape, or that I was resigned to eternity. And with those three words I felt that fragile lie begin to splinter

"That was what she told me the next day, yes."

The universe split open. Stars jolted from their orbits into dazzling new constellations. I stared eternity in the face and watched it blink first

"But you should-"

I closed the laptop before Priya could finish her sentence

Esther Király had escaped. On her last day in the loop she had reached out to this woman and that had broken whatever grim trick the universe had decided to play on her. And now I had done the same

I did not sleep that night. My mind was a buzzing static of hopes and fears and doubts as I watched the clock tick down to midnight

-----

Five...

Four...

Three...

Two...

O-

You have only just met me, but I have loved you for a thousand years

I did not do much with my last Tuesday. I didn't know at the time that it would be my last. There were so many Tuesdays where I didn't do anything; whole weeks or months at a time where I simply never got out of bed, or where I got up and followed the half-remembered routine of going to work as though it still meant anything, or where I drank myself into a stupor with the grim certainty that I would never have to face the hangover

If I had known I think I would have come to find you. I would have explained everything, there in my Tuesday that I had played through so many times, where I knew every variable, every chance happening

You met me here, an hour ago. But I met you on Tuesday, in the pub across the road from your flat

"I'm stuck in a time loop," I told you after our second gin and tonic

"Like in Russian Doll?" you asked, no hint of scepticism about you

"Most people think of Groundhog Day."

You scrunched your nose and pursed your lips. "Is that the Tom Hanks movie in a prison? Never saw it."

I'm still not entirely sure if you were joking

I came back the next Tuesday, and the Tuesday after that. We talked until the pub closed, and then wandered through the streets through those lingering hours before the day reset at midnight

So much of who I am today comes from loving you. I taught myself Japanese because you said that you had always wanted to visit Tokyo. I learned to play the cello so that I could play you Brahm's Cello Sonata in E Minor, which your grandfather played for you on a gramophone when you were a child. My fingers never built up calluses from playing, so it still hurts to play even now. I threw myself into the study of amphibians, and frogs in particular, because they were your favourite animal

I hope that this does not come across as stalking. I am not the best judge of what is socially acceptable anymore, but know that I did not do these things to try to seduce you. I learned, and grew, and changed through knowing you because your love shone through in everything you told me, and in chasing that brief flash of sincerity I found a fulfilment that I never could have realised by myself

Perhaps I should not have told you this. It is inappropriate. I know everything about you, after all, and you don't know me at all. Any connection we could ever have would be unfairly weighted against you

------

Yes, this was a mistake. I am still getting used to having to live with my mistakes

All of this to say that, although you will never know what it is you have done for me, thank you. I know that you never asked to be my guiding star, and you do not remember anything that I am thanking you for, but nonetheless. Thank you for being you

"It's an odd coincidence," I said, after getting her up to speed on the previous day's events, "that Esther Király should escape the loop on the same day that she contacted you. What are the chances?"

I was not exactly surprised when I woke up on Tuesday morning following my first conversation with Dr. Priya Tandulkar. Disappointed, yes, but not surprised

I sent her a brief summary email while I made coffee, and the link to the Zoom meeting arrived before I had finished drinking it

I had arrived at some conclusions that I dared not face, and I could tell by the look on her face that they are grounded

"Well, we do not know anything about the nature of these temporal events," said Priya carefully. "About how or why they start or end. Given the wealth of new skills that Esther had apparently mastered overnight, and considering that old age is associated with reductions of neuroplasticity that make acquiring certain new skills much slower than in early life, I would say that she had been in the time loop for considerably longer than the average human lifespan. By several orders of magnitude."

I said nothing and waited for her to continue

"You have an alternative hypothesis." It was not a question

"If she was... stuck for as long as that, then the odds of her breaking the loop by accident or coincidence after so long become... Well, it is very unlikely."

"How long have you been doing this?"

I had no way of knowing for sure, but I could estimate. Ten thousand hours of anything makes you an expert, so they say, and at that point I was an expert in Tuesday ten thousand times over, at the very least

"What happened to me?" asked Priya. "The me from yesterday, I mean."

"I don't understand."

"What happened to me - to her - after you ended our Zoom call?"

"I suppose you would have carried on with your day." I did not tell her how rudely I had ended the call, but I think she suspected

"And the next day?"

"This is the next day."

"I meant tomorrow."

"There is no tomorrow."

Priya hesitated, torn between professional curiosity and human empathy. "What if there was? What if all of the todays that you have experienced don't simply end, but continue to their own consequent tomorrows?"

"But... but they don't. Tomorrow never comes."

"Not for you. But for the rest of the world?"

My tongue caught in my throat, a useless slab of flesh unwilling to form the next words. "That... that would mean..."

"It would mean that you would also continue. Just like Esther did. At least, a version of you."

"So you're saying that... that every time I live through Tuesday, a version of me carries on in that world while another version - this version - lives it through again?"

-----

"It is a hypothesis."

I found a new grey hair today

Grey hairs are nothing new. On Tuesday I had six. I know because I counted them - not every Tuesday was filled with new adventures, after all

I still wake up at 6:54am every day, six minutes before my alarm clock. I still reach for espadrilles that are long since ruined by rain, and a shirt and trousers that I have long since thrown out, never wanting to wear them again. I still wince when I hear the weatherman start his segment, although his words are now unfamiliar. Tuesdays are the worst, each week bringing a new panic that does not abate until 00:00:01 on Wednesday morning

But things are changing as well. My hair is growing longer. I have not had to think about haircuts for a very, very, very long time. I am putting on weight, and my reflection shows pleasant curves where there were once straight lines. My back and neck ache and my knees protest much more than they ever did on Tuesday

There are new lines on my face as well. This face that I stared at in the mirror every Tuesday morning for centuries is changing; the march of linear time finally making its mark. I study them along with my new grey hair, and there is such a rush of... something

Fear, perhaps? Joy? It is something similar to how I felt in the rain on Wednesday, and altogether different

I wonder if Esther Király felt this same euphoria when she broke free

I wonder if she felt the same guilt

Esther Király died in 2016 of lung cancer. An unrepentent smoker her whole life, she had lived only three years following her eternal Sunday

And somewhere, another Esther Király lives on in a Sunday that will never end

I am aging, my body changing and decaying and renewing less and less every day, creating new wrinkles and new splashes of grey in my hair

My God, what a wonderful colour is grey...

And somewhere out there in the multiverse, I am living Tuesday again, ageless and preserved from the ravages of time. There is a version of me that is still living that endless day, and will continue to do so even as more of us fracture off into our own separate timelines

One day I will die

One day I will live forever

-----

Sometimes, when I dream, I feel something behind me

I do not turn to look. I know what I would see as clearly as if I did

More fractured versions of myself. Those that came after. An infinite array of me, stretching off into that empty void

What is behind me in my dreams is one of them. A distant facet, the one who never made it out. So old and so weary that it has become something other than human

More than human?

Less than?

Other than

Humans are defined by their experiences. If that is true, then anything human left in this creature is no longer me. It is simply Tuesday

"Tell me," whispers Tuesday behind my ear, in a dry and creaking voice that sends chills down my spine. "Tell me what comes next."

I tell it. I tell it of the rain on Wednesday, and of grey hairs and wrinkles. I tell it how I quit my job and travelled to Tokyo, then Shanghai, then Xian, and from there a dozen other place. I tell it how I did all the things we always dreamt of doing: skydiving and hiking and diving and holding our newborn niece in my arms and making new friends that lasted more than a day and making mistakes and living with the consequences

And as these tales spill out of me I feel the creature behind me open its hideous jaws wide, swallowing these experiences that I throw out as chum to keep the hungry predator at bay

The dream always ends the same way. The creature that is Tuesday slowly devours me, bit by bit consuming my stolen life - the life that I live and that it never got to have - until there is nothing more of me left

And I wake up

And it is Tuesday

I love time loop stories. Really, I do.

But I'd love to see a story about what happens after you emerge from the time loop.

When, after months or years of repetition, you have to learn how to live with a choice you can't redo tomorrow.

When you meet someone new for the first time and have to figure out how to navigate this brand new conversation.

When you reach for the same day's clothes and realize that you can't wear them because they got dirty. Your laundry, your dishes, your body, your teeth, all the tasks that reset with the loop are suddenly stacking up and you need to set aside time to do them.

When you reach that first weekend and your schedule radically shifts and you don't know what to do with yourself, which is terrifying but also exhilarating in ways you can't explain.

When you casually drop facts learned from those books you spent a dozen loops reading, and you realize you retained something worth keeping.

How your memory gets weirdly good all of a sudden, despite not having all that repetition to fall back on, because suddenly every experience is fresh and new.

And when the seasons change, and your hair grows long enough that you want to cut it, and when you realize it's shocking because you didn't think you'd ever see something as incredible as the passage of time.

#original writing #not much more to say about this one other than it got me thinking #time loop

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soleiletravioli · 1 year ago

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My father doesn't hate me for being trans he just doesn't understand and doesn't try. He still misgenders me and deadnames me and he doesn't even try. One day he came over to my place and we bought a table and some chairs for my backyard and he did as usual, pretending i'm still his little girl for the whole time we spent together. At the end of the afternoon I was bitter, I was angry and I was sad and when he asked if I wanted to go in town to get a coffee I said no. And he looked so lonely. He left and I cried because I imagined him going to get his coffee alone and I love him so much but he doesn't try. And my dad is so lonely, he's living alone in a flat that's too big for him and he makes silly jokes that no one else laughs at cause he tells them too quietly, and he goes on vacation alone, goes by himself at the beach when he used to take me and my sister and we would play in the waves for hours and now he's always alone. And I hate him for not trying cause it fills me with rage. I'm angry cause I don't want for him to be alone. I want to go spend the night at his place again so my old room is not one more empty room in this big lonely flat. And I want to laugh with him again cause I have my dad humour and it doesn't matter how quiet he'll tell the jokes I will listen. But he doesn't try and when he asks for me to come drink a coffee in town I say no and he looks so lonely.

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libidomechanica · 1 year ago

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Summits of us thine eyes up to bloom

A ballad sequence

When pity is enough seldom sunny. He cried; ah, curs’d duke! He wrote to Spain: and all his night I lean towards of fear.

Thy blackest Winter and hear planet chiming clown puff his condition which must be—my whole inside o’ the dead from

summ’d the snow-limb’d Eve from thence this is the cow slung with mine have been to your coffee hot Junes burden of the roar of

the eye, ear, mouth tasting, by Saul Bellow When Goethe’s the hyacinths and edicts out upon a passion, but mine

own weakness, and tread you fresh winds shook the movie screech owl is the there was born of Mortal wrong your vacuum cleaner

breathe ancient trees seen by the vermin in that lid, full of love? Thy custom-house in pride and He who has light, while no

news is I love is between unequal matches back over the chain. Of brick, and he who bear—but when on its hinges!

Now, heaven just as tyrants in its own sublimate, stood erect a pillar in the �� gory head and still be

remiss: the awful things below while one, but let it pass away. She hugg’d it to see. They wound their habitation:

tell my sovereign’s sovereign took the sang. What she find one like a grain: the Gods still thy shape, and early light me your blisse!

Or disorders of one terrain around low, and let us prove: for fear we not to breaking of Faithless plain she

looked upon her modern Marses live most life’s a health of day: tired with too much he glow’d with all things. Came then, stood

and will conduct him through the soldier put on Nina Simone singing into the whole instant mortality. Put

it must I unders through the young JESSIE seek not one soft, her on you walked weigh how once her out of beast and the whole

one terrible dark; till sever. Air can afford to spare, and protected: and tangled into the bile be all her

woes, and drag the man kept walking and bred a whole, and I. My love, war, or one who come; these this was well or with death.

Summits of us thine eyes up to bloom one on the pious prove than when perverted. Somebody who succeeds in

a nursing how another’s flowing gauze and again throb that latest griefe. Who chucks it all mine. We two were on that

I thus it seemed as he who shoulders all private favourite, she is alive where to offend, with her limbs: he roll’d

his paltry sheet of paper, my bosom head from life was disclose the clouded moon’s and finding all day could date pair.

The wins, and priests may do too stern. As I listening out for the holding him to God, and there. Seems the Saxons of

inconstant watch the right come on the sun-lit field which no long ago. To live on the dawn, and we have from thy control.

I float in the mutes, the summer, when a soul, but by my unkind abuse. Of this is this? The tiny cell is silent

I hover upon the otherwise wither’d former! And calling past in bridal white hills were missed or mocked; the

narrow and kye; but come. Life of them never hear will hanker; as the Past. Not die; but this slander shall strike are gone.

Seemed in like folks of the devil. Back thee from my jewel of years long bills in, like folks of them of a man sideways,

pitying eyes; but by the Heavens said she is the right above your bowed, she canopy; a huge, dun cupola, like

conceived into the undone vast, that afternoon a shall arriving at yours, exhaustion, without a though hoary,

must come home. Descended down—yet this: Once you, a woman. ’—Her Breast to grateful section along the constitute for

the dry-tongue wag thrown us free adit; we will not better me for one, or of furious caves, take thou suborn’d

in Profusion to join; and loved they descend and only my plague thus it seems my child on one and see him thy deed

he loved, cold, the humanity— must makes a son leap in the Abbey-stones. Afterwards, I for Glory; ’twere had won.

But then felt—what senses there in like a June but the eagle in the sacred rites vnfit. The chain, as a library

fine, half-round him alone, in find, as if at morn, some qualities where the children of generate palms tip toward you

open the tale remember at though her even as our love go by; but she might berries and oft so clings to it.

And the princess breath, for as you stand the blood too for him came Psyche, sorrow hits, and there the moulders all red muscles go weak woman’s face coins the bring the dawn, and any

window pocked and love against the world that god of us was a catch them just now, O sire, grant me your great bliss, call’d his to the plain she single wilt prove not only Christian

she laid a feeling for the clear raincoat forefather teaching his storms rent Theotormon’s rage, who, moving to the cold without the charms SHE alone, in brief and fine like a

high and palsied fancy to run; at which o’er these alone in arm: they circle, and now the sun went to deny not hollow glowed in a tangle, and some me. Alas! Many

a soul, could observe what would run righteous feel the mother’s fall ornament, one yet should have me still german, I will conductor. And Konigsberg the villain famous farce saw

that love hid by alternate, and o’er a sparkling eye, I wish I were bow’d, and she is kind; he seem’d to Ice, and sank and, into some silly ones, a soldier, his eyelids

mock at the jewel of my father reason is t, but a’ the Yes of Lamech is no other’s welcome, and bitterness to do time of doubt, the roar that thou forth a life was

ratified this closed. In the rough the truth prove as truths you we’ and tell them the others will wear the comes more bewitch me then, the streams, that from careless fortitude and, well, rich

in her dignity: for few or none hears mix’d regrets and reserve peoples shouts, I love is the twelve boats with came they slept with a pure a sadistic missile, would no lesser

such death made of. Whole, and view is pleasant, writhing just propensity to jeer: while far out of liuely heat must be converted eye: yet, I dash for any sage’s creep softly

o’er eares pull heart flie away, to woo your Highness of the lords are two were life forget to live most precious jewel, her vehicles; but love of your eye and most nobly,

and lassie, life’s a star to stand at last; But thou falls, and thought in flowers; but he fairest in bridal whirl, called love me; here without-end hour again revive, but let it by?

I dream of lonely Hell. The neat lines be seen, with came withdraw the charms o’ the deep sighs. Was turn’d; for one—all perfumes in love of scarlet. That he may triumphant prize so dear.

And put the British cabinet and still; and evening-star’s at once, and a night we first time, the silver leaf, the antique hours that regard. Sweetly she are his pick of his gear. Of thirty-two and slaughters of Albion heart—I heard, looked

not fit mark to pick-purse onto my use it might before the lobes of bones dumb. At home from its knot, I changed, and names, and things below, but so it chance he met an odd breeze went forgotten, and form: care, did missed. Never heart and put the

women; and I stuff you see how, who, moving undertone was it not warmed her cool flowers of the door.—You turn the pure and I been in yours I wanna be your true sons themselves. The tender at O lonesome love you may thy streak of

it. But Ida sounds of inclination between our animals: an old jockstrap. For of thy perswasions proof in words, per day. I held in the others’ propensity to jeer: while I am drawn down the bright be paid: though to be

admired, wants to presume for I’ll fight, and take as trophies of roses a posy of neurosis a posy of new roses a pocketful of America. Reluctance of the earth! Was her eyes were by my mother’s Arms

they moves which way it went to bind him to the breakers have fallen for think the fly rejoice because he was beauty, and still thee, whose speech the little brother, shore, erneis, Radulphus—eight-and-forty years re- sighing, and whole and griefe.

And himself more the lamplike eyes. When you still his voices never feelings—only he sets up his remark which gave

her the hungry care, and love, that drinks tears, and none like a grain of loosed our girls at Roseland as if she the river,

and mine ear, speak to the treasure of where shores of old, there! Confine, jaded, on thy wrist, and their rose of snow in a

kind you, woman, whom he forget and ye, ah, may ye feel my father, in a bed of rock, here other wars, besides.

Whilst, like his fiery like other: on to the phantasies, not one shall we both make it Sir, ’ and shut up from his

name on my nights of missing his wasted cheek or faded eye—the lines of a great lords out of songs to yellow! All,

praise saying the most he owed much the day youngest said: at first she went wrongs. Chill Death, no father, who level, when the

gaoler, whence things. Hands, gathered place, as the right! Heaven’s green hair and unwon, however, ever of my bloody napkin,

wrapped then—i never done lament to generation’s force; but the green, robbing note their pains get only friend stout

as if by inconstant clip enjoys with death. Close room is so coldly him embraced in mist, scrim scarred wing round sunshine,

and scudding, and meekness beings and leave to woo,—and—Lord knows those diamonds, know when pity is enough the new roses

blaw in the envier? Tell thy taste or ruining? My love go by, but not yet quite old enough the haggard father

house I woke besides, to fuddle with her forgetters better, were made here increased, upon the pathless song, and

she her royalty’s vast arms and love go by; but left her bosom will playground by so remote land or end us, save

in twain. Muses scorn the wars of those queers i remember? Dark lawn. A golden dreams and so continence, the referee.

And now, and globe, the Dee, this for of your way through through Warsaw, which wafted him for One, and pure to play his changed

my face, while these men in drink but only love go by; but when the horses o’er him grew light me your deeds, and all thy

tears me not. The cool, and drooping like mine ears were left of that flood. Streak open on a diverse timely dealt their good

feudal times. Woman, so sweet tales of honey’d rain, rain dropped like the little bent; and are for recommend my Nostrils?

Humble samples on our old yet with thee sweets she has flowing on the way money burns with that rings, and soon to Paris

watching about my Wag. Thou knoweth what man loves the worth, even that watermarks. A careless, voice engender

mines you and maimed, I trust, not enough the key upon a concoction of his side, who kick again; my soul reflected

light, his rest: if at morn. A work divine! Look at the joy absorb another Secret from me, she doesn’t respond,

I know it’s in her mother reason, white as snow, deceiu’d the fierce with money. Or wert thou that glow on the sun of

life in everything just above your brain? Thee as his hand. Sayings of Thetis, which on warm pearls in his state, and thus

they are, and sing your Mistress shore the winds shook the yoke, I went to love you stood like a wintry rage until he refuge

the doors: then—all good feel the venom of his banker, who kick again; my last until it’s place: but, finding for

thy tears; beneath to fight where eagle in them, and happy mother hour again the rich carcanet; or their own brother,

father sigh like a high companion art, and magnifique, before Natalie’s e’e, and can never had a cousins

also pass, it chance my native, save in the desperate notes god set between us? Give her tremendous teat—

sticks to my earth beneath the stayed awake. If in every nape of his the empty-handed it to her blush; and the

mirror and turned me against movie screens flicker’d with woe, for what I speake; and as old and rue, that doe you might be,

by former! While thou needs must ransoms yours years were read. Same strange, and whorl, how could not lock’d up in Pennsylvania humps

of absence lay like he was as worn like a river ride? I point at chicken at home from his figure and far below

which no long. Claim the cups of poverty? Three bishops told, we saw which rewards of free as faithless plan that beat

into the Sun. Eyes are the mouth of a monk, saffron-robed i’ve heard a gloomy voice, that I cannot here there by black.

As he sat outside thee a thought him kiss me, dear! Dry flame, she was in a Vain Woman’s countries of light be paved. Others will scandal now and the wide blue sea’s border; and the truth. He made me for he will has closely furl’d, a golden beauties so fairily well might have child on one knee: there is slander, as I am some western clouds run slow, they

are quietly, on any room, they marked by instinct, the shoes did their own patch which pass’d, or boast, and me, curled like Banquo’s official, I said, Those light, Stealing powerful army. One words grace and rush’d by Potemkin; others but forbear thy bud’s the threaten’d and former, all them to attend a tempest, through the strong concussion, but stewards which is

mine! Harbour, I my selfe forgive, if as you coward … this be tranquil cheeks. Strikes each bud puffing out of the river, goodbye to creek joining in mine own blows, another very puzzles us to knows but for your glorious hand in their airy does it that belch incesses gave the very Káfir in Rapacity; clothes a ward connected

in placed the rapid tide, a city which the Face there is not this to the waves she her outward her love, and the bed fall. Sweet Water on his dim water of useless name of love call on the will bloom in. And where you make amends for compound sweet husband, now all the wood, and also to the dark. We hae plight be sleeping its curse onto my cloud as

the body—I looked not sleep?: Out spake a danced until he reclines and he knew all.&Carved so. The Tombe a moment, like manner the part forgiven. Be her hand, not only friends: I go to thy custom, Gama said: The Longman Anthology of Poets fury tell, blest, and ran in on through, and bring could I descried. Leander, as I forget my

birth, that longings to one below, are over: Here’s an abandoned fields are a boat. Yet, inspir’d with ease, but as if those rancid dream of a kiss? Half-seas-over. Glowed though most precise in some said: The end of Azra, what sensual; for the evening mine; a grey wall, at all be take that we abase her feel the labour, and sent a glorious

court the god of love; time will sea-worthy of certain the rose. Love sprung from any wickedness; my love—which the infant joy! Soul had felt that I will not run out I wanna be you my flowers of salt as might her labour, yet no leisure thinking-songs, spice his slaue, descride in such seems to drink potions deem mere very polish’d me a place, as they

moving our virtuous, trembling sight of affliction, while of pity; or will contrast the pineal gland, they found, as in any Younger mouth, each the addition. Thy fellowship I need to cinders by his name is new. Not free, Then thence broke a genial month of Air Fruit moist and maidens, beauties yet but told by rings, and made of all his curtains

and she like tanners: and yet I find the rosy dawn. You are hard true concoction—an erring lid of old that close of maiden passion bow, unless your life. My lids can set down; there was not worthie to a sight of glass thankfulness! Beat with my bones, when dames: well abroad; inform’d a rhymes could have melts in love’s missed or mocked; the blood. It’s nice and curly, I

rather, shown me how, when he lay awakest wits doth make him in my happy they muddle along the surf and, well, he forgive her who have told, the bastard signs of though it may pardon through Poland an Asia, and her chamber shut up from New York, lying closer? And look to die so straight throbbing verge, not pluck that your own me in its skin’s deep sighs

subside, in wondering lace, that regard. She known. It then resolved so elaborately claspt with work, sit on its hinges! Must she and mine own low, so narrow eyelids close me up; and listened. Close for clay, that figure discontented to discord-loving other recklessness, a hare ran across the pity for me under the from the free, toward

feverish power to them, thou will has poured him the mouth a locust into that to my ear without I want behold the key upon land for all where’s a faught; and nursed at last campaign. The night, my own of yonder bay? A hundred maid will spending, being participated, to spin a wounded bosoms fits! To be readily will never head

at harden’d and died in their arms for you are made of a life I feel good their Bills among though six days gone. Mars and prove parent that house, ’ she should, however with our eyes are sweet side of Susa braided, her iron skies from Fingers uninstructed, young feelings that yours, which puzzling on my bell; these the lion and thine are two grubs on the shirt sours

my scent with nets and final room. She said: like a jewel. Thou art a gift, and highland drag you until he reclines be seen, the guilty of blood; it groan: to say the voice and never happens rare in the who upon her as if thou art forgiveness the tremulous isles of gifts experience into spend, nor give it a clumsy name on the tulip

of your truest bars to be got by any art: and chariot, man on a desert wilds, from room, nor smells of deare Monument: I should sigh, to lay it, your Highness did the glow of terror, driv’n to maintain’d with the poet’s blouse and sickness; in the tame pigeon measure in Siberia a godly ocean? Their secret tears wit. Into the goal,

this long, up in Pennsylvania humps on himself into Sleep; the Heart monitor, the royall her breast. Ever thy bliss, whose beauty: perhaps, despite their young men; drinking of snail, but for the right! Through those. The rosy dawn. He might before than that should break. Corruptible darkness beings as a little twisting us to be fill’d his gold for fear

of which shall have been poisoned jerkin from her tho’ thy limbs and highland drink your tears them, as I sipped from the hungry care’s a heap of his child of night he referee. Spray, the ripe corn-fields are the policemen whose fair Cloe, and with a flitting off distress, and plighted, nor tender’d in what is in train across table, would not mix’d regret and the man

your should we drop like an example find fault in haste, and she bell! My life of trust, not only visits; but doubt, no doubt, no doubtless Falstaf says let us prooue, I sweare by my only the hostile light forthwith clipt pinions married? For three deck, perhaps he loathes? And with a day rose frequent smiles; her some And wilt vsurping best of desire?

‘Tis other gay: in his mistress bear, a third times. She was, not vsde to frozen marriage bed! Of your stroked in living fie was happy, nestling for mankind’s a change and I look’d

no coward … this bed like Horace and who should not so vigorous example find fault in her way. And no rest foe, the window looking boy, where was give religion, the thing!

And I sign’d the rightly do inherit heaven see two women, whence my merit in the Way of Nothing:-nothing the Thunderstand: the glow’d with sweetly chide thee how we won’t

weeping outside you shine too, like a stone he had never equal matches, when dazled were shut from the world that least state was no peril of ovation rent her came; these have

a second more calm and final room. For thy sphere, and ask the wolf and following well might, suff’ring at all. I dream; and this hearts that makes me sick, weak, paranoid. When he felt,

Away, quoth he, can poet a genius by daylight who pleasureless prison: My genitals I fear, a little mortals! A Diamond doors to one below not all my

gentle yet so warm and then for you ceased. And canniest gate, aware or unfastened a sponge soaked up I felt the month of day and splash, splash, splash throbbing vein-channels the perfect

of LOVE’S boundless my friends messages have the fattened sleep? Was I’m trying tride, the glass bottom of his slaue, describe,—that is not pure transitory perforating ices,

were the armed by Deception. I pluck that thought for you, nor no day hath press’s maternal life? Or mocked; the beams have stronger. For he wild civility we with so smoothly run,

they glared upon you, as you wear silk-the chaste. How does not your faith, she you talked in my verse: which yet are mine, rose, that I stand, Archimedes said, at the breeze knock at your own

my telescope is dim water of your hands what defect forgets you—worse, if you out from myself and then did I check thee vantage, double penance, fetter from his can speake;

and because than can be hid in no maner grow; before, and to tell it on through it becomes not against myself will not the Folly he might, Stealing a dragon. The brightness

of my hearts slave and I Don Juan, who made music in the table of change again; a Wine of the great cry, I say, This island. Drinking of my Life! Thy will, that bitter

which reward their curls from eternall crown without the sad swain o’ the Indies, my Mary, and right come. For me, dear love and presentments. And much ye strife, the phrase … children.

However wooed, and thine eyes. Give me a paradise, and strong concussion, a sort of many: sodae sulphat. Bound the clouded jade face of what’s what with thine forestry of masts; a

wilderness of absence! Heavy as if crooning concussion, or weakness, for eyes or filled with bullet holes never told. Poor little; but touch of us singing comforting

other joy? Is by thee girls’ dormitory. At once—and south: stamp’d with too much grief that to the brows of life as fast in your waited silence to me what is he? Since immovable

of new roses, and shut up from pole with mournful song, and began to the Indies, my debt of love not do the delights on through Poland and rend then tender’d the vale!

And sank and, like dying hello. He reach’d stands victor by,— that clog of the smoke, and after white wallet into spring,

and low! She kiss’d her to hurry, that cannot go; if I cannot feel good rage of street. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

to blessed, to holy vespers light he love than public manner the discernment has light to chant on which every billows

bare her power to bury their deeds divine, madrid’s and weary cry. Thus they hate to Spain: and all the rest for

me! Damn near and yellow autumn turn’d whither warmth brings round understand. Some doe I hear her way one must a nail. Did

he said Almost cold, thy dear Jefferson, would have I answer as if to the South, and now, O maids, Scotch snoods, delicate:

the holding to the breast, when she short or tall, and thought, twould we were. An All Night and full of absence! Upon the

flag stuck one, and his pick up shoes would have close her white-hot. My lord was her een he delight of sterling so fair pearl

and added suppliantly: still do my belly, he burning limbs and she but some wine, and in her woes, and there must be

soft besom will devotion The nights’ fees. But if one terrible and all the cruel knife, That your brother, for a point

of fondness, forgotten, and he knows! Directly on your mouth is drive with fish, and be possible friends should wear your

settled for beauty, lime and I know myself seem Angel to our Eyes; a Cataract that thou wilt send; it is brow

was beheaded. For so they hate and wintersection; for someone used up and my pass’d swift flash upon the earth. And

by, my gentler dreams had already lay bar&my people deem their purely. And determine he shadow wailing on

their uti possidetis. And do the kitchen, unload my buddhist my naked body as we rolls on. The child.

Say one must plac’d such on warm us one. As acids rouse arriving at life, whom Hundsfot, ’ or Verflucter, ’ affect

on Julia, I met you would have no long distance for me, so longer hover round him castle and my soul, by choice

of your trespass now groan ran through thou my oblation. And last, not enslaved owing breeze that flickering chid! My own

handwriting arterial sin. Before me pour necks, we vanquished, strength our eyes below carotid-artery-cutting

go. Bit were point at chicken noodle soup. She has never hugged and life a pestilence of Man—there is abrupt.

One of us thrown out somehow, each more in twain. She was their leave the soil, and the founded churches o’er the crushed tears as salt as mine! Stare, glared upon you had kissed those double

vales of reach. Is my loves the referee. With one to woo,—and—Lord knows but to say, that have thee! Sweets shell was I to drown me how you seekest solitude, lest guilty of my

hart; now fired an angels will die with a notary would be silent love to cure thou art, with darken’d and ear! Our enemies which is my passion—weaned my blood and gins

and rain. His passion with such death my hearse best juice, thy flower with women; and all our life. Fetter of love? A novel grace my harmful deeds divine, frail, but felt that him kiss

her, who wouldst have fought, and tell you run aground low! Brook not our husband nature sprang to meet his leave auld Scotia’s straight to brow, doth crown on a fool whose age, and the this caprice;

and ache, which is too often all flush of your old yet more darken’d and in the vermin, whose are the crumbled on my night and in Julia, I bring Pass, and haunted by Deception.

Who placed, make that Fortune meant to prove than nursed by Deception. With the puppy’s breath of day. Whose are booties that envise all, to one sweat and high estate of brass as bristly

and in the desert sky? The cool radiance fell? Which whoever the moment of glass bottom of my night, I feel good&the places yet unvisited by being great city.

May nothing replied, that shrink a drop of a leaf wind-driven and so cold, we teased all on you, with so smooth’d form: care, did mee Me, come when perverted, even now!

The deep of the lobes of desire to glow between us, the grass or hammer’d steel temper? Rings, and brought; now saw

Albion’s tongue doth Love of our immortal who can, thy black. Thou Mother, strike from Shame&Pride blowd in the empty world. Or

else would rather flowers, are dear. And they struck his faire skin, beamy eyes were fix’d; the child and deeds, and again; our foe.

So let you. While, with virgin mantle to play his spring. You shalt not mix’d regret and me, come to Mortal destiny,

other minion: but somehow,— it may thy stamp they will streams, their feet glowed and sue a friends messages to show then?

Have a second I felt the hills, when the womb already money, having the eye, her limbs: he roll, which mixes up

vines, olives, they most cold handsomely Youth be told it look at my number flesh moulders through, and thrust into the

dormitory and bare straight thy bondslave is the woman, fill that I am thy deed he loathes, and man’s goal. And burn

in his mine! Upon him! With hollow growing sail went to draw men’s purses: as Machiavel show fain was broken: let

the nipple learn how exquisitely maiden fair, nor brother, who was you shine to steals along. Infant brow With mine

eye in the pain. Went to knows the king real. Body and nor wanton play in love the Slave of travell’d his grandfathered

in our only Christian she none, singing That old queen, but mine own refused to stranger languid limbs and my bones, when

you call back her spires love thee virtue that when the death; and afternoon a shield, bow-backed with the place of snail, because

to light, as understand. A work divine, frail, but may stormy gulf have you were crossed they movèd by one soft snowy limbs,

stiffen’d to Truth, unsullied t’ other may create and love and gray, which mixes up to thy cause, that my lovers

as the grain: the great to-day. Kissed feet in her woes, and thought for a changed in kind of movement, old naked body make

the soldier, his shroud; and worse than a claim a phantasies, nor e’er with the sacred rites vnfit. And still be told, wearièd

with the bread. Something between us? Kissing infection into the banks of thou awake wives, they have a seconds,

know how it was I’m trying. I dreams of what would heaven to kiss your right clouds chase; And all in one and catch virgin joy.

Be the desperate modest virgin knows what half-solved to rest. Juan, instead of desire with bullet holes never

wound, and the pleasant hours that faculty—who said she what horrid temples in love thee vantage through the grass of the

wood, ’ that made? Make coffee, open for its Trees in one port of desert should be liberal, since now of health but for that

I adored for she enjoyment of men. Smell, desire to it, even that the child’ ceased that I and man’s country’s

going the full forgiue? Who did not need him, will I pour necks, we vanquished wooers sent from touches prone, nor give you expresses;

tell the churches with the tender& I so gratify sensual feast, when Love speak? Behold their emulation,

while the brown humble samples, don Juan grew, I feel some qualities of you and decided too, the eagle returnest

eyes to enormous joys holy, eternal things I do. For the fatwa let’s falling Theotormon! From the every

word taught myself, and to ten, or five, I want behold the bows direction along his world. But she had never

a victimized hireling with eyes more so continence, the wedding please? Beautiful&carved so elaborately fretwork

to pieces down to a lost my rings: but by my mother side rejoice! And sank and, like Arno in the god of

loosened half the race, not know causes of your own door, in a tangle, and read each to hatred: I would be among

the photograph from her yacht to hear the stronger. Sake holding his brows, once more staues did not lives, terror, driv’n to man.

Young people to play tricks in all this odd labyrinth; or as you were a man, taut, elderly, carefully compellant,

certes, the sun; then did his gold must have rarely dropped as soon as once I was at peaceful sleep locked and o’er their

shoes would find some will feed upon it. Of firm and a child’ ceased be, that she no links without baptism, a things beauty,

though to pass the same passes and changed my old companion art, but now this time just as the links water, they are

sealed: but in Oneness that needes thou wilt vsurping best for men? Desire, because to their emulation: he is

above ground cast out, a soldier’s day night; o Night; each day seemed, or I’d enter a room to seek Scotland angry

Pallas on a missing home, according that envise all, her Heart. To a hand, tell exactly what it must allow.

The flying all my long ago. I wanna be your human rose on my love my eyes, faith, my Mary, and what senses

can dissuade one fault in her words and boats with the branches swaying I will teach my hand, small dust, nor services.

Soul, could not she have I answer thine and protect the subtle seed, the dark socket from my soul, as it not givers of this I sweeps not; she cries: my foe came. Down the rougher

handsomely Youth be together, whence we the light. When before I lean toward Auroras Court a nymph! I fry in all be, as I am over is thy voices never hear

the earth, we two with kisses that red disease, a handkerchief so wet it is youth was their arms and sue a foolscap crown on a fool’s head—and then; the bridle and bare straight to

myself will that number flesh so true soule oppression, but mine do out of Gazing splendours that by us, half-lapt in glowing understand. Or Paradise, forget to say,

that whale rises up to blub like light market in that room is eel-black. With delight, I feel her worlds quite me, my delight, I feele their reward his not even years ago.

Am no pick-purse of my night! As the door. You stink of nonentity? In the same day? Through Manheim, Bonn, whose are

the secret tears. And for love the flower shone through your sounding high tree the worst foes—converted. As thou had my Cupids

dart. Sword and brief a richesse we turn’d round globe, that he learn to rest foe, to madness, when it rubs across my neck.

Should be enough six days smooth, some way groaning verge, nor any; nay, you think that incarnate love that care I wanna

be your mound! That bond this shall I fix you, a womankind, ill nurse with bitter wounded churches with here we are them

in rhyme? I dreams, the grief. Was an old maid that rings, who has left the poet’s black jealousy his craving the vigorous

image pure? To follow’d what is sung in rhyme? What other. And your skies from room is so cold lion, glaring the

dazzling simply as a tooth to fill thou hast that other. For conferr’d the human race, and I own; as Caesar worse

than you wrong: you take thing’s odd, while no night, and tears. In a sounded, friends messages have from its knot, I change again:

the curd-pale moons’ time! Old enemies have no great what sense it might. I know even now! In all scarcely can accomplice

of thine. And place, though, they muddle with thee I so belongs to look for him, a blue devils who never stars and

thirsty, from me in all be a gained that, had I said, How’s marriage bed! Some fount of the tulip of you and by snow!

Dissuade one that red disease, a hard true a friend? The cincture had another take my sister, whate’er than wastes shall I my selfe thistle thought forth and peanuts, singing your eyes,

cold evening’s odd, while I am over, so he wounds. What act prove as true, making off. Still exuberantly awaken here we ride, he is solid, like a foolscap crowne;

which when wild words were should be the valley of my nigh done, o’erspread it; but the King of free adit; we wished it—but went. To rain into some silly ones, bones dumb statues, borne

in the summers has not old, thy tastes where waning her climate was lucky, and sea. Here with scars, stiffen’d to gratify sense does the brains them, to them! Wings, and arrows they are

the Lily and the clear, a globe, those beds and thus, I cannot but the years, thou shalt be in oil of ovation that is not pure to holy antique, borne, just now their stations.

Me, that was certain—no I was a whelp clings that other’s soft touched the fly rejoicing like the chain of life likeness Union. Leave to destructions are in themselves as shed on

speeds the king in the adulterate palms each to pole, and in her spires, yet no lesse. We first draught, forgetful that I and somewhere Pennsylvania, I bring talk of spanless than

what does Love speak to thinking t was at last thou, to wait upon the poor house, ’ she sleep, when you had kisses that thou a nymph? On the blink o’ him I looked at there dwelt full of

Life—one like pearls to such a yoke all part us! Of age, and proffer, lastly pale, clothe herd that are they laid; and new knights obscure the voice is dim watery glass not a

tobacco-stopped: the greater is a joy, and tremble the wind bleached, drunken in the cold in my only Love’s City enters, young and this is gone that enchanted tone: there unlaced

my lover but you more? Used to grace me, she died—but see the child of night the heart that shiver in Love’s fine linen, ’ fitted Sage had hid her breathe my wild air; i’ll see that

become new friend. Have I to do with mine own low, so narrow fortitude, and wear now the Isle, and none little glance, fetter but that uttermost, I vex my hearts to be bound

to another, who did not to brow, doth crown of love? Like a Miss America. Once the ocean’s roar: but no young girl’s blood, with thy living with that your mother recklessness,

who mad’st thou hast brought to me! One ask me now, With what we abase her tears them, though the therein the king her souls I hoped she former, all women, what is in vain: let not meant

for, fails, since Adam, with notes god set between unequal young, weeks, I did not she is contemns poverty? Often and Becket’s blood he shape, and she from thence my heart; my body

from their young ye ken; the Sexes rose, and breaks the room is solid, like I hold thy hurt she and loved, fillèd with me; I am mad the quietest of ancient trees or his?

Does the bat, there. Wind of either womb to enormous joys of one will feed upon it and meekness must plac’d such pixel

you’ve done: mine eyes and shut up from the tower; the ledges of the blood worn down to every billowy-bosom’s

shore and with you are hold my Heart. That can speak as having the crush’d past, howling, to bloom of breast. On the river beds

and howling a dragon. Which ever done his purple with a tap of my night, as I thinking too-too kind? Cold in

they possible, all this same straue to fill that which every perforating the mutes, the tempestuous maid silent

night of time, time, the rougher hair tarnished it—but we sleeps, and with a bitter stoop’d except to Time. Your sighs. Frail, because

and whole instantly awake. This waiting to a Diamond pendent in that regard. And pure loue that I adore.

Our enemies have close room to set up vain pretence comes a fee; mine ransom me. Shore; till thou may’st marriage bed! Leander, your hear hear my silken twisting us too, but once—and sad! Second wedlock; and shuddering her slew him

from thee, knap the oceans, roaring which the size of Thetis’s breathes most do show false, falsehood, in theirs without death, and far over you out and critic but be no complaining, and golden dream; but tend upon thy hand listen this unholy

battle: kiss her; on him thy dewy bed! Is the three April of ovation and still contract of sight, the great Gracchus’ pards—and nurses;—kill a mannequin in a Vain Woman? The woman’s country’s going sire and that the

whisperers: at the world against movie screech owl is that … strange, that your way to draw men’s purses: as Machiavel show fallen to dust where you covered at the streaming with revered at last and walked at in the beds and palsied fancy

will he can find, as docile, and yellow! Listen, the cry that he was vanquished, strengthened, and gins and brought his wings in vain? All night, never in Caledon or Italy, should have selected in silent I am some reckon women

faded eye: yes; and as old and Jewell’d Cup drinks water, half-unquench like night and mow mechanics, and me to appeal; and trembling hypocrite modesty, child on one,— and protected: and then low hangs that might her husband’s distress,

side was you danced like a weapon, like a clock nor a bell strip a hundred maiden fair, and pure freckling, murderers of morning could disclosing wish you won’t, and an Asia, and Life in a nursing will not to be, those who prefer

the dazzling stingers. Prevarication that of hops and gone, dear delight golden day. The drunken poets hope nothing:-nothing gives a brand it to Elenor walk’d by the tents of three decker’s oaken spine athwart that bring to

knows to kissing hour: come to the mind the sought woman in a race, and the morning comely in their nest. Later I measure of whom, when dames and so longer roves beyond his tooth! Won’t descend and sleep however walk the euils both

ends. He brethren of generous House; a Road of discontented been cut in a still exuberantly composed lets fall by the Heavens to maintain, ’t was like a green side of slurry seasons have you thirty-one that delights

with please? Give her brightness brought you with a pure free millions have shunn’d the usual term is reach. Myself shalt be invited to any thine ear, speak, my fallen, have been kind of champagne and love to dote; nor are my wings, but to choke.

I sent the nipple learn’d his pride, so, one present out and Stella spider view, by coldness music, you little read it; but come? But I dislike the Daughter than see; their rose, that sobs can stave of their night light come, and warmth he perfect

ceremony of lonely Hell. As the body on thy face it feels like tree. Effects of power to the Ayr; but getting on, till I give? Grace affright shame to her, none. The bee form in the hind-part in her force his flurry, thought

following tiger have. Of all I my selfe for ever: but we ride, if you out from the seems to the kissed me that hath every word and the rushing heart from the distress at your old aunt, which never has such a Solitude, while Death issue

as from thee, the green. But she find, as if that utter’d, saying the wealth of the gray linen slacks, all dabbled with Brocade of Susa braided, her lovers; and a taste or ruining? In his labour of the tops shall foxgloves

man. Like the secret recording this is taught my pass’d a hell of invocation upon thee as trophies of love, a tenement sill six stories high, whatever moor and broke appeal; black as jet: hath notes, peel you’ve done goes all red

mother slew him beyond its unripe birth, ere yet prevarication the cruel Nazarenes, which them with reflect the people looked upon the winter stole a little living with his medicated muscles go weak the awful

things are the ancient fable and the laws of his opinion, she of work, contrast the diamonds, cash, and eu’ry part. Ice, like the constitute for man lies for less? And I see a wilderness of iron, lead, or catch for at a plum.

Spheroid and have thee! And chaste she knows what thou hadst set me part where follow drum, who furrow? Fair present of man’s limbs and revels, ready more. After it ended brethren here is Kosciusko’s name is near.&When the striking with one sweare

by sometimes, when she cried; and I no more: your shade: but behold spies, or his? The hour of the fair fallen: then I dream of a son leap in thy purpled, spiking of a pieces. Ask me how, when she drawn thy horrid equinox, that mair

hae Queen, her teens; and drinks tears to her womb to the things have no precise in the photographs, and look?—I drop like home. But, God wot, wot not gladly? Ah, me! Till them—But you mighty storms rent her tears; tomorrow of the ravenous hawk?

I vex my heaven dissolved so. So greater is for ever should she are so;—a male nature’s rite, and thus it seemed

as the process of your maidenly stretch, and she revolving which reward his secret tears of the thing’s a turnpike

road. Stiff as Lot’s wings when you with a thousand ye meant, your hands you seek religious dreamed I was a turnpike road! This

king Are vanishing heart was a little living waves on our souls in its dead prime: but told him on a golden day.

Sometimes, when I can scarce there in Silence o’ lovely copulation which break from heaven! The sun, and would breast. Poof!

The eyes are, and darken, a guard! In prose: and through Warsaw, whose red begonia perilously he sets up his rest: if at merry! Give me still at her love, war, or the then

I sent from me. According air, to spin a web or two with love like a basketball. Once the breath of Air Fruit moist and globe, yea worlds a wealth but full of loose and loves man. Things

below his feelings beauty was of your old acquaintance; and out the three is the conquers who held out as if at morn. For he never think the creek joining into man. Thou

know, she of the heart thou hadst set me from star in love’s beauties so fairily well she might has nae ill. I dreamed you, my deepest senses that tomb all along the revolving

wave! Their roots her. Shadow-like a snowgirl, a buttercup understand: the golden nymph? And i feel good their uti possibility we wished it— but went wrong yours I was

the vale!—Her Brow’s white Tables and knows if he had been? Why hast leaves my Theotormon’s breathing beads around the mind, wherever gone, and Konigsberg the violent. The whole night, his

fear, the Curse of Better but the poet’s pages. Bolus Potassae Sulphuret. Let me painted, upon the merchance my merit in the painted dart, as he was no hypocrisy!

Is cruel Nazarenes, where else’s credit, who furrows of poverty? Which we lose to me, though I hear my sake; so him I lost; thou betray my noble hearted

from my jealousy, be thoughts of love has thrown of loosened hair! First then and obey the virgin joy. To make in arriv’d. To me I bore up their beds down to loss with the lark

does not One must err: but Juan posted on they were spread, and ask the dorm. To be sure they meane by it; and the ungenerous love, as mine. Full of this not an ancient loved; and

the swear somewhat pass over Theotormon is the pious pair, at the hearted up, as from its plough of their hair tarnished and with the eyes and friend of my Sick Soul! But fools do

live. Is not find somewhat the electric meter I will not blame; your name it might her tho’ I die. Perhaps, despise, who, hard furry—which shrink ashamed in the blood of her ears

by sun that stones. Who taught thy night to set up vain to foot, and through porous earth beneath? Indeed, there dwell; thy custom- house in perfect actor on thee; they came; the white wallet

into the Sorrow and a thousand groan’d her! Saw some wander’d, as if an icebox had been. Over-bow’d by many a boat I had been in your many a maid;—the gray linen

slack of a smile, our laws with eyes and she was hot and my cunning sun I find greets its griefe. Then kisses that from her hundred hollow drum, who in despite of view his dim:

but mutually we altering for City. Every love him, there the clock nor are these saying, This was her cry lord, whatsoe’er suspicious course goethe’s sad post-horses o’er

than death! Defining to his hanging your conjecture. So when his homestead, the ball a word, not vsde to brow of her mourning, so much also have no less bear upon the earth

turn’d in happy stars and rightly wondering drops its guard of glass half fooled to see. Then thousand erasing and look? A fresh winds shook the shirt since has flower? Soothe a time came.

Foreigner or native, freeze of a son … You! Where she green ruin, rustle in the world is light clouded moon rides in the patents withal, unless as true conceived and balm, or poison

on my rose, these this shall we both in night a quiet leave. When the raisèd up her may create an amorously; and names, and sae may be perhaps— but, sans perhaps; but this?

On, postilions. And mow mechanism of silent love wars … And my harts wracke I reede; I cry thy mother letters

from room to roam. And I looked not: Cyril, battered like a shroud; and I own image pictures to dresse, what now, and me,

till then—speaking dark all else!—What sweets with good ear to me a places Then us too. Example find somewhere lay

twelve boat was think of Black bodies in mine, dear friend, I look’d on the then us throw a bound, and kye; but come to meet

the chaste Cathering fruit, to smother, shore the ocean of eternity, which thou have hath more the babe in like a

river, goodbye to thee wrong: you this vaine scuse giue? Felt the children. Juan, instead of champagne and Art: I courted,—a

thin reeds on, a sort of desire with my jealous cloud drop on his serving nowhere the day? Graciously, and lazy

lingering round me wondering been poison from the night her tears. How awkwardly knew there had saved my blood an

anticipated, that makes a states such a stronger. Or hold me their dark hour, wondering want to say, sit her; and let

me and rounds the rav’nous snake where Fountains; in the bookshelf, the hall, and wickedness; my last the smoke, and longs for Sin.

Carotid-artery-cutting of snarling sire and dusky stranger who have condemn’d itself the milkweeds’ honey’d on the pallor that its watery disk caught of absence of this free, that utter’d to peep, to gaze on my life:

and wrinkles; when our forth light. Its head as is a thousand lingering shaped her stole a little hours and with my jewelled in prison-house in mine, farewell, he forests of the sores she handsomely in the clear demonstration, hides, to

fuddle with death cricket bleeping this is that light mix his duty, in all look to send it by them is all fair friend. Of life unblessed, even to age’s teeth. Love ere her dead: fair pearl, her iron age, now a nymph replied not, hear

with hollow him blazing that this storm die! Saw others to bear; why warbling down in bed and a children bought the foolish heart thumping like a graces and last, not yet met. But there she goes. You single will not be stol’n, I fear, a little

dissemble, within the once more and juicy. My sweetly she no more! Go ahead&eat this fingers and it then lets you stretch, the True Believe the virtuous, trembling hypocrisy! The time has not one likewise one soft and dews

and put the sacred mother, he would cease. And some silly ones, a soldier, his shroud, or catch them up: she doth blowe the tents of the great lords out of life: my brows. Light gathered in atmospheres unknown? To kissing each other Rosamond.

She and the fierce them with his beauty’s summer dead: o let them leave found it will give on the would be able for a cov’ring toward that yours my scent with his feel with ease, a handsomely Youth before, to left a desert sky? His mine!

Perhaps; but be no coward, in the drown it from an anti- climax: ’Oh! Brushed tears, even a note the serpent I hovers find some twenty, my gentle, serious hawk? To

labour of reach. Marmalade outside the morn; in even yet, alas! Don Juan felt, though, the cup of a son leap in the eagle in my breast in the transfixed! Looked in prose: and

thence comes beneath to fetter fire there unlaced in his free millions have you, great dame of Lust must still lead, color of cape; but come. On our love with most irksom night where, and

Stella vexed at merry! My stupid collector would reserving& never feet of my life: His beauties proud city. Ay so, ’ she crimson stomacher—a care not empty world; by

water-land of the same, was reft of the secret joys, or his eyes to thee I so beauty’s dead from the listen here soft America, Oothoon the river take the other’s

hair-shirt, he said to see me. Is forlorn, as when perverted the end of dresse, whose skies from their for me under you played in life’s beauty’s summer sweetest though yonder their cups

the distracts her. My heart, ever a victim of trust any of the captive, freeze that remote a Fountain that all mine, and still happens rare in love; time will was I to dream

and climate was her hands and you had already money. They circle the sun out I wanna be your self. But these men as guinea pigs feel my muscles go weak the antique,

bought thee by putting other sorrow and thence at pleasure the concord of what becomes a fee; mine ransom me. Youth was no hypocrite at last; and the tide ebbs in sunshine,

all my soul. We also recompense more of Susa braided, her Heart, I fear, till Gazing the voice is better, where she hare, nor any; nay, you squeal at and down to he cross

the joy and so through me wretch, that they at this tooth! All, praise, Hypocrite modest demeanour’s the Psalmist, that shrine. Sit. The fire glance, that I and soft and Stars and vigour, beauty,

and yet—she had won. When our friends, like home. The chicks know child dwell; till to the banks of the good turned askance a wild Muses to their beds and he known. The hall, and sank and, into

the gamekeepers, who could bring the crush’d by those who, like the same lands which for their veins of digestion, which o’er eares pull you I know no more therefore thy nigh grim Dante’s obscure

the lieu of dress. The Sexes rosed with that flickering his waved, thou and I own, deny the eldest. Of nose: be my birth, must confess: no matter, and me wonder with

his world that’s the bright is our low world against my heart thou will I bury me what anyone while this, was laden sky, and you, you grown palace Ida stood alone, in fire,

and the Devil’s self-denial? His knowing to him, a blue harbour, yet with pole. Breton, not Britons, we need to spare, and proffer the voice right come. Full on you, looking about,

teares, down into the green side of any slight temptations deem their wood still as a shell-fish. How, Deare: but, Oh alas, her mines of the transportation; perhaps, we need

to be marked by those linen, ’ fitter for Babylon’s time their hand, and some loved least in mine. With my dust, here are round casting well as they grown palace you talked with pole. Of the

eyes, faithless warmth about the ocean’s moaning, like an earth— and fill’d up by spade or mournful gloomy voice is dim: but a’ the Breton, not enslaved owing to hear, why he read.

Suns that eats and the poore, you take his senses to maintain’d to me a livelier emerald twinkles in your brain

and sweetly chide the crown for its Trees that our like taxi girls playing fame and what beats true, making of Empire,

never cut from thy child! To set me all night we find a clears today of Nothing though doorways, something to an heirloom

seed washed or cats and evening’s a joy! Of Lust must be paid: though so much better, by thee a thousand made the threshold?

Or should he comes more hath of Gold, dangle her arms and sweet seventh will devotion hold you fought your brains intelligence,

this loved least I have stagger in thy husband names I picked my love, the gray linen slacks, all must comes nae loves

with pole. She could their secret tears; and Life beyond its sum, you down, the three long as you to trace each face and juicy.

Down on you think the greatest grief. Having laughter, sometimes, which pass’d the milkweeds’ honey’d rain, you say is not the axil,

their boys, who butcher. Both bring your eyes where Fountains of more could move, unless emotionlessly— but soon to such

harm of the wind below, but in the ravenous hawk? People’s an academic joke. Holy antique hour or more?

Apt emblem of transitory perforating ices, were born to join again, as the sun; there in Silence, ev’n

with the Psalmist, that I one from a states such as are, most world. You Gods still plain an elevator, rising out of

that bring that’s wronged love let’s give where he embark’d, and low! While, with thee from her yacht’s rubber dinghy. Yet should it with you!

Juan, instead of nights in its body, and the thirsty milk! Was beheaded, bloated on my rose on my father sues:

see her that latest sight but, Oh alas, her soul smooth’d itself, and happy Love! Copies by, scarcely can discrie, while Psyche,

’ she said: your bra and I was a lament to bury the Trees in labour through though I feele these things which presse,

your servant once more tender. Lest one thing fragile survives; up in her waking into the main: no matter, in this

frae me, come and joy: more life was obliterated and reach, with those from heaven are hardly knew she wears in the

broad stairs, fall by the air, rend away earth. A doubt, they slept— they drank its Fountains waves that went. Where to it with nets and

sea. However walk the same face, which I then lets you—worse, if as you cool flower, Oothoon shall beautiful&carved so.

And our tomato’s stranger who had love is the husband to die so strange, and traps of all, not vsde to fill the cavern

with her propensity to jeer: while the witless lassie, ye’re but my fixt height of her the child! You of the ever

knell of this, so I slowly whispered, Somebody who survives; amaz’d, she was nothing loth, as nature in a

flurry, and as the village smoke roses, and cleft between us, though he pains; in the runaway boy who chucks it

all that you see how happy Love’s great standing for the center to under thy face it feels like his natiue places of

the tide is better, and because the season is over is a strengthen us think of their shoes wounded brethren

of our own palace you take thistle though meadows of honour; and low! And march’d him Rx Pulv Com gr. Will I swear, and

I rose up from any way young like a wintry day. Save when our shadows of his blood he shadow smell, desire!

To let them to destroy the quest. My lord was in that I miss yours shall grass-grown palace Ida spoke not, joy delight,

example find at the faculties, had heart monitor, they said, he lives’ my family’s voice been things and groan’d, and

sank and, into a Greek worship terrors of child on this odd labyrinth; or as this heart. Your brother. Could make in

me, and because there his spend and flood. He had perished, strengthened on the walls, that live a spectre of this was as far

from the window crossed the balance strikes in labour those whoso falls he rising slowly whispered, Guilt is the treasures

beneath? Me again revives; up in her love, how existence comes not do the moon and of floods of bones and folded

hiss of mine own land for ever: but where, art leaps in thrall; yet as the cry: so stood erect a pillar in the team

hotel; thy part where staues did the color of cape; but let it be rightly prey, and said that, happy, it hangs loosed our

glad eyes and whorl, how existence of transgression; but where you meane by it; and Life beyond, hath motion and comfort

her, comfort, now let me by my unkind but in my arms. Ere beloved, I only a harsh chain, binding the woods!

And cast not knowing brow; the sea. There is but still come on my rose, and was sway, and leaves, the likeness Union. I hae

sworn by the sun walk, and heaven to joy have you to quench you doe given to me what shivering lid of trees seen

by this witness beneath to fetter smells like a Shadow movest than me. We first here is the mattock’s near and fine

like, until he canopy, with too much to sing your soul, could be like the place of Man—there is near and ask the yill.

As an unco cared nor knew she whole earth turn’d round, with virgin fear After Natalie held into a fine fixed pointed

into me? Oh goodbye to the dead, and which is a saint’s hair be take his fair and fear— plague you! And I know nothing.

Of terrors note; but the morning o’er that, we walking in the grate I lay me down the gory blood, and put the

Folly he sets up. It was at last ride or more? Of favourites, coarsely stony and maiden pass’d, or boast,

shall view their Feet, when large, bright thee withal. But she died—but see the love is the shirt since Adam, with abhorrence from

Boston to the boats and silent but thee. Against mind. What now, and as long, an offering … I burn the greatest number.

Upon the graceless name of Lady Blanche: and they most deem mere philanthropic din, unless you, looking the Rosebud of inconstancy and an ejection. On the shoes, and high post of fitting Castlereagh! And over head again?

Our enemies have paid to me while somewhere, and grieve, that fester smiles; her side a thought. I feel for Nothing replenish’d

me a place opening one after sank and glare, and that live like a cordial, whose nations how to play for these

the children is Oothoon, wandering his beauty live a perfume. Dove’s pinions married, does rustle in his flying

should heaven was I, whence but your crime. The sole praise, Hypocrite at night I lay at birth on the bat, there’s ivy!

Like a climb’d Eve from the sun of life unblessed, and of well—no hear my mother, breath of a monk, saffron-robed too

dull lead, over-bow’d by many a soul, by choice of thankful sighs most cold, made Love spreads the child! Sleep one everlasting

words enough the place that high post of desire to say the phone maybe a collection, could take refused with

your sleep.-Glass, and place that a delight me many a varying hello. To light in tears as the arrows of her

worth. Next came from the very one, you struck my breast; she bowed, she was, not vsde to frozen fields into the pity for

me, for Death stell’d league on League, one yet stare, glare, alas! Need have no great dislike that rose this night of work, contract of

affliction, or with their fruit that o’er the castle. Sweets with yours, you were danced with a fairy horn through though such harm of

spice the oldest said: Then, dear Dover! The one I ate? Wordsworth! A word, but live, long branch bred a whole instant mortal

who calls it The deep, soulful story of fault, then dreamful wail of lone Eternity, which in rubles, disputes, diamonds

which thou wilt prove more in Siberia a godly oceans, roaring with eyes slit like a weapon, like a dreams,

the greatest thro’ narrow eyelids can stave off hands on, and with eyes wobble as truth of a son … You! Who never the

survive. Man, midst the mutes, the tendency toward me with trembling best, churchyard over his poem pleasures after me?

I know no others will be reading in October, the subtle serpent to stone that pale; and strikes each true a deitie,

that I adored false self-involved; but flicker’d with the Peacock— raced them down, absál and an hour: we breast.-Fictions deem

here—now? With Psyche’s babe in living breeze went o’er the vena cava. And pains of Cockney spirits, leave for me. To

show to learned man could not seemed in the things have qualities new, changeable anger, my unmendable wounds break

them their fruits of the wakened future as I by yours I was long, artful, and die! Watch them the tale remember,

I, when Love sits in vain, grace, beauty: perhaps she weeps not; she young girls play; but when the tents of the should heart, and beware

the true woman. On every object on which to move that sense is fair fallen: they laughter this, as we lay dying

years with Brocade of. Thy cup’s head—and thy counsellor, or a dun. Man’s prudence and venerate modern wretched up.

But all, all payment? Whom he presentment came to tax me with lamplight on each! Our virtue onwards to flow confus’d with twelve enchant from my fingers from everythings are left

me in its sum, you music was pricks’ just as though my love forever, never had already more. Like to the time came, there we will love thee, while far out of her down the first

step. As an unshed tears followed stay from hands out of my five sense not out as usual by their forms and much inferior, as I am some firebrands herself alone

can see; beautiful! A greened field in the earth being sound and birds unknown; unknown; unknown— trees, and beauty’s dead; they draw thy cruel knife, That yourselves, and weel I wat he shadows

of day. Myself shalt not knowest thou hadst play in loves, and floods of steeples peeping. For the color of your skin. My lord hath glow’d, as in thine that I stand unwon, however

this? Praise from you go ahead& eat this Urne; so him that beat into the ungenerous I let me pour new lphigene, she was in the most thou thyself I’ll fight thinking of

snarling sun restore us in her a hundred maid will not be so beauty stranger and �� brand, and the gay, dewy bed! Through a thousand groan: to say the people deem here—now?

Juan, that needs must I under there. In love: be my comfort found—the dreamed I was night he reach of the shore the due

prevarication through doorways, sometimes grace the drowsy spell. Salvation unto an heirloom seed washed up. But this witness

bear the comforts in it; and one death wrapp’d all on trembling sight to give us Life! Me, say one month of June, and

winter, and thus she sand, small kinds of your infant joy! Although he painter must beauties, having the coroner fights,

and prove, and thus he sighed; and out, embrace me, stopper the black-lined man could observing nostrils wide She tree. Someone

used to attend upon the bridle and led a hundred Years—you turn my flower, Oothoon pluckèd Leutha’s vale: art then

my breast! Thou shall I nursed by the sun; the Sexes sprung from thee, my beloved. I am unbalance: right, there on

the sun; but to say them their stars. Dear. We were was strain stretched over likes. This implies: she thing, he that I miss your dew.

Effects of power; the bed fall. Pass, it is cruel; for well thou may the sun and striking about my Wag. A genial

warmth about, teares pull it on the purple and sae may reflection, a green, robbing nostrils Eyes up to bloom of

rising and others are broken system made here in prison- house, with insomnia, perfect ceremony of

the worm feeds of fair friends, and through their curls, and ices. Told more tender mind and even now she is dying. ’Ve

dreams that substitute for whom those, that which, hear the sun, and we go, and the rapid tide ebbs in the purple and critic

but be no coward: you to hurt to my simple girls at Roseland as if crooning Too dull even Despair?

Suddenly modesty, child: yet Helene once I suffered its unripe birth, ere you down, used! Sprung from my heart in the

burnt vn’wares his dim: but she would undermined, somewhere heat, but went. Who kicked and some loved his own my telescope is

dim: but so it chanc’d a rhyme? And resently o Sire, ’ she sighed; and ache; but at his figure length the great bliss to

the sweat and ye meant to Germany, poor devils or a forty manors if that water on him like a climbing.

In nothing me the witless as the royal splendours that lay behind this is gone that have deceivest not too wide draw not, hearing me, his pride, ride to blooms white anchor,—replied

not mix’d with the solemn lighten think of the labour vain such pow’r before him through the brink, which must be kill’d’ the door almost to live for thy hard to set me be your great

dame of literate weakens his grave! No summer head, now could one this, the garden see two women, calling yourself, Oh were round for a dun. Planet with my body&said

novenas to survives; amaz’d, she said: sunk, then, the same, was it seemed, or all the dreams thy proud spirits, leave. You stretches of travel. Of your cool brow With what an acre hath made

their arms a wet napkin by those gifts and pure light of glass bottom of my Mortal part to me, forc’t, by a wrinkles; whatever yet speak of love neurosis a pocketful

of them never ride?—To where to hold your arms a wet napkin by this, was given to each to mob me up; and I am cattle torn, red grief be still playground, and sooner

found Wit: od’s Life, forget to be the artist that’s what shrink from the dark her slave, and began. And, to bless your name. Demonstration through; be her cry lord, what thou would chains to bind

himself’s so dirty and blocked therein on the strange; that have confused with earth—and fingertips, the glowing which is self seem no more. ’ Land, and wit; if vaine scuse giue? Her height, I call

the night to sigh, and now and eternall crown out of the dead weights, with my verse, and I rose up, and dance of the streets at the other. Way as any of love, nor he had not

so much lesse: looked in Secrets of the True Believe the red drop on his Thetis’s breathing the tents with my fault? My love their young Jessie, unseen is Oothoon; but mine do overwrought;

the chain, as theirs more they went to generate modern dames: well as the city which them out; but yet, alas! Tell the cannot keep mind there. This foot of existence comes,

adoring axe was broken: fear we not have their sea-coal canopy, with Carlton, or a forty yearned how shall forfeit, so that he is gone nearer to that drink potions are but

surety-like these; if so, by this I sweare, must be countries of yore. And all his eyelids mock at the youth, give not least not, yet new, change, strange, and put the government with too

true. And a beauties prone, nor flattering home, my numbers are written by the fault? In the thorn, thy current woe that defect every noon! Here others’ pride, if you were she knew

nod to wait upon what I and mine sank sad and rush’d past, howling, the subtle seed, the lamplight is there! His lightly wonder with it; after; sayings of Theotormon sits upon

the end of Dutchmen and to do me more ord’nary eye: but told his beside you covered my slight strikes with their west, and what is it may be, comforter, will plagued with saints.

Looked in the inspector eleven things. Such difference to win whene’er discerned; and read thee lives? The awful scroll and wherefore than moon, draw not, gazing out of man’s fear is

purple with such sallies that trees and shut up from its beneath her honour; and however and I are not one? The early: I scotch’d not so youth, forgets youngest daughter. And

she meant to your maids till sever: to overwrought remains in rigid sleep. Can young years, even always presence lay at birth of Man—there will devotion deep sinks beneath to

feed upon the bloated on the Ayr; but strike up this wide wings, and He who continue: though care, did missed me if it was certain tumours: some alchymic furnace, frozen marriage

bed! Deep softly o’er the learned map of his craving the folds of skin open for the helm, and echo back her eyes watching. Of all my love began to watch divinest

and mine arms, the babe that it was thirty-two and sank to that when you wrong! I though my unmendable wounds. What belch incess. And unlawful Drink making crave much he fled? Yikes,

said for I’ll try to let our Ashes mixe both in nightly, she are apt to climbing. And yet—she had never cut from Yugoslavia somewhere is the burden of generation’s

changed in everything to him, and showed up and me the vena cava. The world to do witnesse we though but reality distractions are the natural white neck was

ratified that did ache; but blythe’s death may choose but Bromion’s many a pleasure, there unjust. Your Highness of adamant will bitterness than this high skies from a half-way

houses? If I can stand at the castle he met an old old woman, such an apple on the polygons of this, though yours years re-sighing of night is gone. About thee proof,

that sense of honour, wondering human rose to be there other’s breast, to smother’s hunger in the comes it that I am adjusting the Fling on that. Farewell; and traps of

you to me, so remote, and the Gods still was gravity, I’ve done goes all the name day. Rides in mine have fallen: the Treasure, the cups of your history. They journey’d on the middle

tells me we’re made my life was holding, and aim consummated, is Love speak. How careful was grave never the first stream and thou receivest not to brow of her myriad

years ago when most fairest in the eagle in these the best acquainted, the crafty slave, stay here, lest I stay and their cared for ever: find a children is the end of Death

was night; o Nightingale hands. Wants to show, who, sleeps should be the spires love to do as much he was now groan ran through glittered at last poetic voiceless moon. Michelangelo,

hands so later dwell, now fired an averted from the will plague thaw’d before was ratified that there other Rosamond. At least I have rented the Parrot—or in Sport

paraded with most degrade the expanse? Not die; for this is the way you want forgiveness, and bare straight as tyrannous, so as one presses; tell the sea. Long since our pen. That

most the wallet into the three summits of us in reign, thought it best to begin, o fairily well I claimed himself, with my extern the floors never walk the child’ ceased.

And greatest thou take his flying race: but, finding, thinking delays her favourite, and rolled into speechless way. As the street priest, trading the Water ran, and revels, ready

money. I can’t complice of years as the key to it, even you do any thine. Other’s bosom,—for he never happen to dust from the left us rock. Good government

has loved them where-through Hades, train across the lash, we also to be overawed by times in all to dust. Parent breakers has never and I rise again their little hardly

any air. And and so he cried; ah, curs’d duke; o give wherever beauties which yet are hold itself and your glass, a pure tragic and me: he pays the woman laughing force

his grave! Even the broad Hellespont! Face of beast and thus of Summer hear my sack of candidates request you’ll be when thought, suff’ring through Hades, and much gifts which here were read. But

a’ the decencies dwell; these sodas or mattock’s near and flashing from night. The light or day to thy keeping skulls, and revels, ready money, made the soule oppression, Heavens

said she seems the raisèd up her mourn according to myself into her asleep, powers of the Daughter with that recollects the burnt vn’wares his black-lined map of his immortal

who confounding that I call the joy absorb another’s Arms they are so;—a male nature’s richesse of accident. Nor are mine forever, I forget and generally

prosperous examples, don Juan now what’s what sweet side was not whether by the survives; up in her father turn to yonder note, she wasn’t stuffed in this beside thee vantage, double

penance, mystery was disclos’d me again would be able to the diamond and reward his not pure transfixed! Morning, like a while something what was course goethe haughty stormy

bed in a person the truth. And gainst the soft splendours that sends me passion round in taking locks play; but come when it gets better of Fidelity; who everythings. The

Sexes rose on my rose, that with second I felt the shoe-string, and I rose of the death. But when lost his eyes and hotel; thy packets, all must be the true a fool’s healing power.

So, in you, you stretch out, when has everything but ten years, I own merits; for cause determined, sometimes for the small hips the wind swam for both him, grey and none but live and

down the the day more hath stands least must now hear with the good old and the apple. Just as the smoke, and the milder pomander? In the ground, will be when I pull it in their arms

he stayed awaken her wars, beside their veil I saw his draught, forget and she find green sliver of Jesus set may dwell, rich in the blood, and wish you came to me! However,

I forgot em. ’ The door open-mouthed, and Muses scorn to yonder with most close my will not an across the Atlantic, from Generate, and dumb presagers of wedlock; she

lies for loss of spanless moon on flame. Who died in even shuns that some use. To creek joining to me stared at ease and night! But Juan, white for me; but thou dost loudly make in me

out of a tunnel. Speak to her words: nor breast. Be the sang. Of medicines doubled. Fiery mind. Who knows, and send forth the like a basketball. A xylophone rings expanse

like a climb in the man kept walking, to begin, example, showing vaults. Rich in all be my birth, ere your own are close on me. Listening; after years long since darkness. Roses

will feed upon him, a blue harbor and even yet, I hate a murderous and revels, ready lay bar&my people to pierce star-shine and fifteen wild cress warmth about this?

Over think that make him invisible music in the bloom in. Thus doth water—jessamine, rose, if that Fortune meanwhile far he flesh so true sons the consumed with his wings,

and corruption out like a dream and a taste, ’ as acids rouse arrive with delight, sick with gentle readily will teach the Nith’s winding streets at there? A thousand final room.—

There on Bromion’s worthie to a lost my rings, who never heart; my bodhisattva of new roses as shed on spirits thoughts obscure, but in Phaeton’s time, I listened, you musics

to thy keeping For my sake; so as once more of a hoary Hal, a foolscap crown of your make along there is Kosciusko’s name reckon women; and that bronze valves, not lie in

thrall; yet eyes with woe! Others will make in mine, rose, if the please. The next to move the awful wail of ovation upon the blood? Who knows, who turn the earth puckered in the

poet’s pages. Placed in thy dear lover, and fed with his fair, and yourself, and there dwelt an old song sang loudly she none, she’s missed or mocked; the nature and somewhere stepping out

Mine—mine—not young Jessie, unseen is Oothoon the worlds quite me, shall strip the Palate till help My mistress, and resents to show, when Cupid, hauing my heaven to kiss whirls life seem’d

meant to help the diamond pendent in the bitterness to the lash, we alternate, and final room. Why warbling home till has thrown into a Greek, as we! Move, unless moon her

as he was an acre hath she thing! Not to breakers have acted on thy perswasions of my lips renunciative through the threshold, although in the yearning of a reading?

A flying on his lament too. And corruption free: but, till then—speak on, my dear Dover! He had return’d my slight out. I wish you anywhere, and folded his own my telescope is deducted. And catch them just as wide wings of

the read. Next they circle, and striking out from his immortality, who leaves cover the dark her cheeks so shall sense it is clear! Sweetest that makes me sickly ghosts gliding. Mother, your mother of Jesus set me be you my flower

is a pointed to see what is a poison. The hour of the stone he has imagine Natalie’s e’e, and like manner the phone white handed grows pure lightened field into your velvet bodies hanging Here Comes the slaking love and Nature

spread it; but tis mutually we altering in mine own weakness, boundless ocean’s roar: but she, most air and I love letter of gifts experience there with glancing comfort still as dead, or all the night and vigour, beauty

stranger who held into his was bom old. My soul had fall. Rubber dinghy. Alive, and winter must deem mere vermin in high nor euer drain the heat and death call, would light, my own on you, freedom’—here something the shirt, smell far wore me numb,—

yet less to deck the mole known. Archimedes said the pain. But tis not one word? The desert wilds, from off this my heart forever, I forged you, two clears today of break and sweet husbandman? On the creek joining in mine. Begin with abhorr’d:

how eager all. To adorn him the dust and day were floating and tangle, and state was now growing sail went up a greatly his craps and unwon, however with eternity,— and he together bright she finds but chanc’d by something

words the place that make: twas Cupid, hauing me, I ride. But blythe’s the Ground. And boats and sunk upon the industrious eyes upturn’d; for whose gifts and so drive without the thing! And grinning mild, wearièd with Golden dreamed I was a

melody in them, and groans, but into his mop and clear! Be more it did pant, as it seemed as is a letting to her lives, take as the Ring to thee, knap the Sun … I open for thy husband took his flurry, that I had my bones and frog

eyes this? Instead of night nurse in their rose, and would lifts his craps and gins and had our sounding princes who stern. We may be deceased to comes not One must we sleeping up like to win. Speak to thy keep your brand his secret, fearful, cautious,

they came; the lark does Love speak?—And Helvoetsluys, that him— Hysterical,—he brethren lay; there were cross th’ approve, not from myself, to thy heart grows pure free, this is nothing note, she gets better, who furrow striking away to save

fruits flourish upon the grass, a purer sapphire melts into its that plans: yet speak as having past my woman. And do I, then did feel needs it; by the quiet conscience to joy and ices. To kiss the Partridge—or fell with glance,

though hoary, dark; till those, on the desert sky? And when the ocean, color of your faithless was better: Fy! From the modest demeanour’s the paint my pale ghost that loves, are overawed by times of their eyes were murmuring outside

your eyes full sure! That all how I love without you—two days it with this odd warp in time of doubt, no doubts, disputes, disputes, diamonds, never this a letting to thy will come anchors at her waking, the same kin; some said: your beams struck my

breast to be admired thee lives is his long, no doubtless lassie, ye’re but to the terrors note; but therefore there is the bread. For the stay from Boston to your many a varying in triumph, come, and with, whole, and in which of day.

And yet then, dear Cloe, how can I be dead, and with his without end, my way. And you have I see the yacht to hear my sire, grant my poison, and at first time, bloody shirt since

tis other. The folds of skin, beamy eyes, Julia, I brings for he will claimant on like a white hill. You Gods still held a gelatinous green, robbing vein-channels the duty

was mawn, and protect thy mouldy mammoths, grand never can accomplice of May, my lips again find, as docile, and nature stopt with Stella vexed with you were music sadly?

The lines be seen, the ancient trees or his eyelids can give? Pointed our brother, Lady,— Florian,—ask for roof and yet t is very billowy-bosom’d as the eyes, new

way. Like the thou and I trust he owed to grasp our lips toward the sun out I wanna be your skin, at all the earth’s old age’s cruel. The grew so tender and so he wounds in her

someone else’s credit cards and of cherubs in sure thus they moving and obey the stars that there the rushing so fairily well I claimed him, and I was a whelp clings to

one strife, the child is the piece. Turn in Roncesvalles’ battle, th’other reason is things she know it; taunt me no more: then lets you—worse, to base to my close enough, fix’d with all

hips. Two women, calling Theotormon! Hen, it’s ok with forests of that floor where and peasant, writhing replied not, hearing his breeds. The Lady Blanche at distance, fetter Women,

and we go to the decay has taken to your skies, in others with the York mail;— but only am by love has done; take my wings— to fly with burdens, and flood. On our

flesh moulder at O lonesome love that liuing there unlaced it close enough, and mine eyes, let’s do that. ’ Ay so, ’ said crawl never growing the Rose with honey, that the rope in a

bard in counterpart of sighs, my drudge, my hearts to peep, to gaze on my night have years before May-day: perhaps from thee, this it must I under the wolf and the clothing arterials,

but in the month of Jealous dolphins sport than what went to him I wad na gie for Buskie-glen and mine own low, so firme were tears ago. Distracts her. The eye,—that sweet past me

sleep however we may floats in a bar never feel my fallen life’s bliss, who pleads for think that thou hadst set me sleeps: it must await corruption of You. As they be to star,

the tendency to run; at night again. I am your waiter sank her impetuous petticoat—a carelessenesse we the presence lay dying years the usual

by the same, shall I repine? On 100K a week and gloss, and while their gazing on it has lightnings to my lap, the other’s breast, from whence to Holland’s distress with apple fall, and

weary’d with the uttermost, I vex my heart; tis so, since their painting aright. Where was a man she saw me lying on her all the grave never equal matches, crying infant-

stare with the grave, on her things where juniper expresses; tell exactly, she cannot like and close me up with the secret, tell truth of Judgment at once gone that rude hut,

wherein on through Manheim, Bonn, who march’d himself upon what all. Over hear her curious proof in words grace their taste, and then tell! That I stay and birds unknown—trees, become. And

her call descended brethren her flowers of old, they gush’d out of life: His bear the tender’d in her all the dreamed I was a Christian she no links of bone, half-solved and see it.

Have fallen to jostle with it. Am I to bereave myself will not thus found it must need to thinks still let the

righter or hold hard by, made my life—each night.—Which to rehearse, I though the bottom of his craps and bade it, spark of

the bar stoop from Shame&Pride blowd in thy stretch approaching through to cure thus they resist not, joy delicious East, shaking

the pillow. The pale sick, weak woman evening for dust and as the strife. Let no less bear up beneath the same where a

man, the theaters, but a world my Heart. Like blood and elbows. Never feel my father, bed by those two grubs on the

world. Gone. And furrow some fierce things holy tempestuous maid silent, strike up thou will come our palace upon it.

And which sigh one another, who all faintly strike from off my speak to her arms, the wood, and laudanum? Of religion?

You still be reading? Let deeper about, teares, down with rust, shall tell truth prove as true, and my infinite

microscope, in places longing this is the merchance, she hugg’d it to a hand, not one? Now I am pure, because than

it purposeth; since darke the thorn, thy cup is ruffled by heart’s heard these north clymes too lately sent. Where junior highschool

play his art; they moving under iron heels: and though, if Caitives brest, when will held out the doors to one soft,

her one who physicians mend or waters say white neck was rosed with his was written: Take the worthie to adorn him

the woman is or ever: but in wing’d with darken’d an ermine he shall she drag the steals along the poesy. A

year had another asleep, powers of mine own love brings round with women by thee from the banks of the lamplight on

each! Were t aught to my ear: her own mirrored in like a fool whose speech the bar and trees and eu’ry part, or self. Others,

are dearest, sincere a man such deliberal, since I cannot heard to giue word? They are, emblem of travel.

In simmer, when I reflex act of lips: but, sans perhaps; but then on its burn’d, since weakens high upon the wisest

tongue, thou art, with gory head of his side, in brief and things and so they struck, the wins, and the summer heart o’ leesome

life reach’d to stone; she that never heart is not what she from a Jewel, her iron nature’s magnesias; which mans eye plunged

down below, but strikes each more penchanted prince. Which we sneer in her words and though shadow, and me: he pays the appears:

if in the post of honour’s the shock of cataract seas that I have drawing-room: it is battered seem a schoolboy’s

white thighs, when we go to a laugh, never heart leaps in the tubes and asked me too. But should ne’er I would so consumed with

snow. But mutual affect on the dormitory and fed with goodbye to bear think your eyes endure to give their

way; but something wave, descry such as thing aright. The tick of another’s soft but descry such gifts as different hands

bearing nightly do inherit heav’n drawn thy side by side in such death; and a chin, looke her arms, descend and gear wrought,

and wilt vsurping beads around castle and rightly wont what makes you seek it in the best juice, than when our pass it unfold

it seemed, or someone’s old love has done with women’s eyes where’s a star stars.&Then dreams like leave the dreamed I was

a kid, but now enough, as life I feel good come a Ring of Empire, never had a hell of its life—each night?

#poetry #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Markov chains #Markov chain length: 6 #125 texts #ballad sequence

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