#creator: carl buck

[jesterjazz]

Title: Another Day in the Future Pairing: Jimmy Neutron/Timmy Turner Rating: Gen Word Count: ~6K Ao3 link

--- It was one of those rare days where there was nothing major going on. The stars only align like this every few months. Jimmy was in his lab as usual. Libby and Sheen were on a date. Carl was at the zoo. Cindy? Who knows, who cares? Certainly not him. All was right with the world. The multiverse was quiet. Well... Aside from one glaring issue.

"Jimmy. Jimmy Jam. James. James Isaac Neutron. Uh... What is that Cindy calls you? Nerdtom? Nerdtron! Nerd the candy. Candyman." 

Timmy Turner wouldn't shut up. 

Jimmy refused to respond to any of those nicknames. He was far too busy working on his blueprints. Turner was in his lab being a nuisance, touching everything. Despite the number of times Jimmy had told him not to touch anything. Even going as far as to actively shake the chair that the boy genius was sitting on. It was taking everything in Jimmy’s power to not lose it. 

"Jonathan." Turner shook the chair harder. How Goddard was able to sleep through all this ruckus was beyond him.

"That’s not even close to my name.” Not-Jonathan whipped his head towards the most annoying person in his lab. Probably the entire multiverse. “What in the name of science do you want, Turner?"  

Turner shrugged, unaffected. "I'm bored.” He let go of the chair. His eyes went wide with an idea. “Ooh, can we create a bad guy to defeat again? That was fun."

Jimmy rolled his eyes, "You never learn."

"Nope!" Timmy smiled wide. As if his buck teeth needed more exposure.

“Why don't you play poker with your holograms?” 

“He’s banned.” Cosmo said from a distance. Jimmy didn’t bother turning around. The holograms liked to play random board games off to the side. They were unintrusive, unlike their creator. They liked to play chess, monopoly, and apparently some fairy related board games? 

Jimmy didn’t ask questions anymore. The one time he did, he got sucked in for about three days straight. It was brutal. Friendships and marriages were tested.

“Timmy is scary good at poker.” Wanda said.

“What? No way, you guys are just bad at lying.” Timmy protested. A valiant effort to defend his non-existent honor, but ultimately a useless one.

“It’s not fair!” Cosmo threw down his cards. The cards flew over Jimmy’s workstation and landed helter-skelter all over his blueprints. 

"Why don't you just go home?" Jimmy brushed aside the loose cards. The mess would be future Jimmy’s problem. 

"Vicky is babysitting again," The three of them intoned. It was eerie how in sync they could be at times.

Ah yes, the babysitter: Vicky. One of the cruelest people Jimmy had ever had the misfortune of interacting with. They only met once, but the memory of clinging onto the seat for dear life and then being thrown out of a car kept him up on random nights. The world Timmy lived in was absolutely terrifying. No wonder he didn’t want to return. Especially with a babysitter like that.

His friend would often complain about his babysitter. It was odd to know he had one, especially since they were only one year apart in age. Jimmy’s own parents were always around or made his grandma come over. He shuddered at the thought of the last time his grandma was supposed to take care of him. Still, he’s been able to stay home alone more often than not. Not like Turner ever had that opportunity.

"Well, that is her job,” Jimmy continued sketching out a small device. “My job is to work on an upgrade to make travel between dimensions more convenient for the team." 

It’s been something he’s been meaning to do for a while. Traveling between different worlds had become a bit of an inconvenience. First he would need to track down Danny, Spongebob, Timmy, bring them back to the lab or whatever meeting place they were at, and fill them in on the details. Then they’d split up. If they got lost then that took up extra time to track the lost member down. 

It was a whole tedious process. 

Designing something handheld that each member of the team could carry with them would be useful. It would help with communication and knowing everyone’s location, especially in a time of a crisis. It could also make transportation between universes a lot smoother.

"Oh!” Timmy shook the chair again. Jimmy was going to defenestrate Turner one of these days. “I know what you should do instead. You should build a meeting area. It can be in space." 

“You know you could just wish that up, Sport.” In the corner of Jimmy’s eye, he could see Wanda flying right next to her creator. 

“Oh yeah.” Timmy blinked. “Nah, later. I want to annoy Jimmy right now.” 

Jimmy sighed as he put his pencil down. “Having you here irritating me this only seems to be a disservice to my future self." 

"Hey…” His friend smirked, never a good sign. “Future self, huh? You ever wonder what you're going to be like in the future?" 

"Nope." Jimmy shut that down.

"Why not?"

"I already know.” He held up his blueprints, tilting his head. Did they look right? No. Something was missing. He put them down. “I'm going to get multiple Nobel Peace Prizes, be rewarded for helping make advances in science, and not be married to Cindy."

"And how do you know that?" Timmy crossed his arms. 

"Because I built a portal to the future." Jimmy said, erasing a detail he didn’t like. He was going to redraw that one bit again.

"What?” Timmy pushed Jimmy’s chair. “When was this?" The table shook with the force of Timmy’s push, sending his pencil flying across the room. 

Jimmy heaved a long-suffering sigh.

His attempts to get anything done would always be foiled as long as Turner was here. At least one of the holograms teleported his pencil back. While they were bound to Timmy’s chaotic whims, they still did things of their own volition.

He remembered his friend’s question, "Oh. A few months before we made Shirley." 

“Huh… Do you still have it?”

“It should be somewhere in the back of the lab,” he said absentmindedly, vaguely gesturing to the back. Mm, erasing pencil lines was annoying. Maybe he should just start over.

“Cool!” Timmy ran off.

Finally, peace and quiet. 

Jimmy enjoyed it for about five seconds before the implications nearly knocked him onto the floor. He jumped out of his seat and went after Turner. He was not going to let Turner mess with time. Let alone unsupervised.

“Is this it?” Timmy stood right in front of the Chrono Arch. 

“How many times in the past have we messed with time?” Wanda crossed her arms.

“This is different. Now we're messing with the future.” Timmy smiled.

“He’s got a point there.” Cosmo mused.

“No, you will not.” Jimmy approached them and the arch. “That’s odd. There should be a sheet covering it.” 

“Well, there isn’t.” 

Said sheet was sitting in a puddle on the floor to the side, discarded. He could've sworn he covered it. Last time, he swore to himself that he’d never  mess with his future ever again. 

Dictator Libby was enough for one afternoon adventure.

Timmy cracked his knuckles, wiggling his fingers as he reached out to push some buttons.

“Turner!” Jimmy pulled him away by the collar before he could do so. He was getting way too good at stopping Timmy moments before disaster. “Let me handle this. How far into the future do you want to see?” 

He looked over to see if everything was still stable. The machine was still plugged in. Odd. 

“Mm.” Timmy tapped his shoes. “I don’t know. Ten years?” He glanced at Cosmo and Wanda. Cosmo only shrugged.

Ten years? They would only be in their early twenties. Well, there was no doubt Jimmy would find some success. He’d probably be in college, finishing up a master’s… Or maybe even a doctorate.  

While his parents wanted him to stay in elementary school to be around other kids his age, they didn't have those same restrictions when it came to his later teen years. If he played his cards right he could probably finish up high school early. A vague plan, but a plan nonetheless.

The next ten years didn't seem that interesting. Just boring high school stuff he had seen in movies. Music, dancing, and unrealistic romantic woes.

The last time Jimmy ran the machine he did at least fifteen years to see what he was like in his mid twenties. He was thriving, along with his other friends. 

“Ten years feels a bit too soon.” Jimmy summarized his thoughts. 

“Uh… Twenty years!” Timmy said. Twenty years into the future. It seemed so far away. He’d be in his thirties, basically an old man. 

“I hope there’s flying cars!” Cosmo said.

“Cosmo sweetie, we can already fly.” Wanda reminded him.

“Oh yeah…”

“Alright,” Jimmy punched in the exact date twenty years into the future. “Let’s have a look at Retroville twenty years from now.” He turned the machine on.

The boys peered through the archway to see future Retroville. It seemed altogether more stylish, with better paved roads, floating billboards, and robots patrolling the sidewalks. 

People were wearing sleek futuristic outfits. 

Jimmy searched for his future self. He landed on a house with a rainbow flag. Calling it a house was an understatement, it was almost a mansion. There his future self was, sitting in a living room surrounded by prizes. He looked unbothered by life, and more importantly, there was no Cindy in sight to bother him. Hopefully he was far away from Timmy Turner as well.

“Seems like everything is as it should be.” Jimmy stepped back from the Chrono Arch, arms akimbo as he admired a future where things were calm and he was successful.

“What about me?” Timmy crossed his arms.

Jimmy rolled his eyes, “I don't know if we’d even be friends that far in the future.” Of course everything had to be about or related to Turner. “Who’s to say you would even be in Retroville?”

Timmy grinned with mischief in his eyes, “Let’s find out.” Then he ran right into the portal. 

“Timmy!” The holograms yelled and flew right after their creator. 

“How did I end up with Vicky’s job?” Jimmy wondered aloud to his empty lab. There was only one thing he could do. He ran through the Chrono Arch.

The lights were blinding. Traveling through time or between different dimensions did not get any easier. 

“This place looks cool!” Timmy yelled, which made Jimmy flinch. His ears were still ringing a bit. 

Turner never seemed to be affected by these sorts of things. Were those the consequences of having holograms teleporting him anywhere? Did that make things easier? He would do more research, but Timmy was very protective of Cosmo and Wanda. 

After Jimmy’s eyes adjusted, he looked around. It was still very much Retroville. They landed in a more suburban area. Not a place Jimmy frequented. This was more where the upper middle class were located. His parents were regular middle class.

He only knew where they were because this street went all out during Halloween. There would be fake skeletons, grand decorations,  and oh, the candy would be marvelous.

This was probably the street where his future self lived. Nice.

The holograms were no longer in their fairy forms. Instead they had morphed into oddly colored squirrels, sitting right next to Timmy.

“Turner!” Jimmy yelled, Timmy’s wonder crashed into annoyance at Jimmy’s voice. “You weren't supposed to go into the future.” Jimmy’s eyes widened in panic. He patted himself down. “Darn it, and we have no means of getting back.”

Jimmy didn’t even have Goddard with him. At least last time he was in the future with Carl and Sheen, the robo- dog was there to help make travel easier.

“Speak for yourself, I have Cosmo and Wanda to poof me back. You however, seem very unprepared.” Timmy said.

“We are not going to leave Jimmy stranded in the past.” Wanda scolded.

“Thank you Wanda. I came unprepared because you ran here with no warning.” Jimmy said.

“You saw my scheming face.” Timmy shrugged. “You were warned.” 

“Not the point.” Jimmy groaned. “Let’s go find James.” He started walking.

“Who’s James?” Timmy jogged up to him. That jog became a walk, matching Jimmy’s pace.

“Future me, I don't want to say future Jimmy a hundred times.”

“Oh. That makes sense. Do we call my future self something else too?”

“Thomas does sound like a more grown up name.”

“Thomas?!” Timmy stopped. “You think my name is Thomas? Ew.”

Jimmy smiled at his friend’s distress in the slowly growing distance between them.

Timmy caught up to him, “Why are we even friends? I thought you knew me.” 

“If your full name isn't Thomas then what is it?”

“Timothy.”

Jimmy snorted, “Timothy? Timothy Turner.”

“Timothy Tiberius Turner.”

“Your dimension is obsessed with alliteration.”

“Nope, just my parents.”

Jimmy opened his mouth, ready to insult them. He closed it. Timmy didn't mention his parents often. Though from the little bits of information that Jimmy has been able to gather from context clues and through interacting with them, they didn't seem like the best. 

Yet Timmy was still fond of them. He got defensive if anyone implied otherwise. It wasn't worth the petty squabble. 

They kept walking.

“So what are we looking for?” Timmy broke the silence.

“James’ house. I saw it briefly before we went.” 

“You remember it?”

“Barely.” Jimmy sighed. “I know it had a flag outside.”

“Like that?” Timmy pointed to a rainbow flag.“What country is that?” 

“No country has that flag.” Jimmy said. 

It’s odd. He didn’t understand why he would have a rainbow flag outside his residence at all.

“I’m pretty sure there’s a country with that flag.” Cosmo said. 

The two boys and the two squirrels went up the porch. Timmy knocked on the door.

"Honey, I told you to remember your keys-" James opened the door and took a double take. Wheels seemed to turn in his head before he looked down to stare at the boys. "Not you two again."

"Again?" Jimmy asked. This was the first time he had gone to this version of the future. 

Timmy went inside. "Sweet place you got."

"He says that every time." James rolled his eyes, turning on his heel to follow Timmy in.

"Every time?” Jimmy asked.  Alarm bells were starting to go off in his head. “Have we been here before?"

James stepped to the side, “Just come on in." He gestured into the house, a tired yet soft smile appeared. Jimmy doesn't think he’s ever worn that expression before.

Before the future was alluring and full of promise. It was supposed to be exciting. Now that he was there faced with an older version of himself made things feel different. 

It made it real. 

One day he was going to have all of this. Success wasn't a question, it was a guarantee. 

Something would happen that would make him wear this emotion so easily on his face. That was scary, because he had no idea what would cause it.

He stepped inside, regardless of his misgivings. It was his portal that brought Timmy here and he was going to bring him back to the past. Possibly kicking and screaming. 

The inside was bigger than he expected it to be. There was a living room to the left. Timmy was already taking everything all in. The walls were a rich rusty color, and a light green rug contrasted the rich black couch and loveseat. They had soft pink pillows on top with cute little hearts. One pillow was full of rainbow hearts, which seemed like an odd design choice. 

Little trinkets lined the fireplace. Jimmy… Begrudgingly admitted to himself that he was too short to see the top but he could see the edge of a snowglobe  that said Dimmsdale. Something else seemed to have Phantom’s logo on a plush of some kind? Merch perhaps? Following that line of logic, there must also be something from Bikini Bottom, but there were more than three items on the mantel. A hint of new members in the future? Fascinating.

His Nobel Peace Prizes were on full display on a different shelf, the same ones he saw when Sheen and Carl were first looking at their futures months ago.

It was sleek yet cozy. Lived in, but there were no pictures hung up. Which seemed like an odd detail, or lack of one. 

Timmy stood on the other side of the room closer to the television. At least that’s what Jimmy assumed it was. It looked a lot flatter than any television he had ever seen.  It sat on a television stand, books lining the shelves below. Classic literature mixed with... What the hell was a Crimson Chin? Why did his future self have volumes of it?

“What’s this?” Timmy picked up a controller.

“It’s the newest gaming system, I got it as a favor in advance.” James said.

“Really? Cool!” 

Jimmy turned to his future self with suspicion. “Since when did we get into video games and comic books?” He asked. Sure, Jimmy liked video games, but not to this extent.

“My spouse’s hobbies.” James said.

Jimmy eyebrows raised in surprise at that. He got married? But- His true love was science!

As if his future self knew exactly what he was thinking, he raised his hand up from his pocket, showing off a wedding ring with a comforting smile. 

Timmy shook the controller, still in his own little world, “How do I start playing?”

“Nope.” James snatched the controller out of Timmy’s hand. “It’s supposed to be a surprise gift for my partner.”

Jimmy liked using his big vocabulary but this seemed excessive. Why wasn’t his future self just saying wife? He hadn’t even dropped one pronoun, almost carefully sticking to gender-neutral words. 

"Are Cindy and I still married in this version of the future?" Jimmy asked.

"No." James replied, almost annoyed. “You really think Cindy is into video games and comics? She’s too busy being a senator.”

“Cindy and I aren’t married. This is truly the best future!” Jimmy started doing a little dance. “Wait, she’s a senator?”

"Enough about Nerd Brain over there, I wanna know about my future!" Timmy whined. 

"For the last time Turner, we are in future Retroville. Not future Dimmsdale." Jimmy turned to James. "Tell me we aren't still friends in the future."

"That's one way of putting it." James stifled a laugh.

Jimmy raised an eyebrow, "I highly doubt I've always been this vague."

“I’m being vague for a reason. We need to get you two back, the past is already changing with every second you stay here, and I’d like the present to stay exactly how it is." James said.

"Even in the future you're still so pushy and demanding." Timmy pulled a face. “Can I play at least one game?”

“No.”

The door opened with a squeal of hinges, and a stranger walked in. 

"Hey Handsome," he said, his face obscured by armfuls of  grocery bags.

"T- Babe! Hi. I think you should stay outside." James said.

"You seem tense." The stranger put the groceries down on the counter. 

Jimmy noticed the buck teeth first, then the wedding ring. The same one his future self wore. 

His heart stopped. 

No. 

His worst fears were realized when Future Timmy pulled Future Jimmy closer, the same way his dad would his mom. Then Future Jimmy and Future Timmy started kissing. The world slowed down. Dramatic classical music blasted in Jimmy's mind. 

His future lips… Were on future Turner's.

"I think I'm going to faint. Or vomit. Or both." Timmy fell backwards.

Jimmy couldn't stop staring. How did this happen? What? When? Why? How? What?!

The future was still messed up. That was the only logical reason.

Future Timmy pulled away from his future self. Good. He needs to stay away. Very far away. A separate dimension far away. Several dimensions.

“Woops. Didn't see those two.” Timothy rubbed the back of his neck.

“I always tell you, you need to be more aware of your surroundings. How many times have I had to save your sorry butt?” James raised an eyebrow.

“I lost count.” Timothy shrugged. “Besides you love my butt, Sweetbuns.”

James laughed. 

Jimmy and Timmy cried.

“Make it stop.” Jimmy groaned.

“This is a fate worse than an afternoon with Vicky.” Timmy sat up.

“How did this even happen?” Jimmy asked.

"I was around eighteen? There was a party in Retroville. Do you remember who was throwing it?" Timothy turned to James.

"Libby, I think. Her parties were the only ones worth going to."

"Oh right. So Jimmy and I get there together, and there's booze. I want to try some but Jimmy starts being a buzzkill so I trick him into drinking."

"Cool!" Timmy said.

"Wait, how?" Jimmy asked.

"Reverse psychology with a pinch of peer pressure." James sighed. "Timmy isn’t as dumb as he seems. He can actually be quite clever, when he wants to be."

Timothy smiled, "Aw-"

"I'm still mad at you for that." James threw a soft elbow into Timothy’s ribs.

Timothy let out a soft oof before wrapping an arm around James’ waist. "It's been like ten years! Plus we're married." 

Jimmy covered his eyes. This was not happening.

"I don't see how that is relevant." James said.

"Anyway, drunk Jimmy is an absolute riot.” An evil little smile grew on Timothy’s face. “He was starting to strip, getting really cuddly, he tried to get in some fights, he started crying over a penny." 

Timothy started to laugh, and James, mock offended, shoved hands at his shoulders to push him away, which only made Timothy laugh harder, though his arm stayed firmly around James’ waist.

Timmy made a disgusted face and Jimmy nodded in agreement. How could they have fallen so far? How could they have fallen for each other? One night drinking caused this??? Yeah, no. He was swearing off alcohol. Forever. The loss of brain cells from drinking clearly affected him.

James playfully rolled his eyes, "I was being set up. Everyone was trying to get me drunk!"

"Because you never got drunk before. It was... Incredible.” Timothy’s eyes brimmed with emotion as he stared ats James. “But then he started vomiting, and that was not so great. I barely drank so it was up to me to take care of him. Then Jimmy starts going on and on about how great I am and then drops the bomb that he loves me, then passes out." 

Jimmy clenched his fists, cheeks burning. "Why would I even be so foolish as to drink alcohol?" 

“I got curious and Timmy really knows how to push my buttons.” James said.

“That’s not the only thing I can do.” Timothy smirked.

“Babe.” James, honest to Einstein, giggled. 

“Ahhh!” Jimmy covered his eyes. He did not want to think about the idea that one day in the future he was going to have intercourse with Timmy ‘two plus five equals six, right?’ Turner. “I need to bleach my eyes and sand down my ears.”

“Same.” Timmy gagged.

Jimmy sat down on the couch. This was too much information, and he really loved information. Not this kind. Never this kind again.

It was utterly mind boggling. How could he- When? 

"Wait, what about us? When did we- You fall for Timmy?" Jimmy asked.

James sighed. "Thirteen."

"What?" Both Timmys said.

"Thirteen? That’s two years from now." Jimmy started panicking. 

There could be no way in hell that he falls in love with Timmy Turner in about two years' time. Yet the proof was in front of him. A life, domestic and cozy with that insane buck-toothed boy. 

"Wait, you never told me you liked me for that long." Timothy said.

"It's cheesy." James said. "It was on a recon mission. So we were gathering information on some mountains. There was a rock slide and Timmy pulled me out of the way."

"That's it?" Timmy tilted his head. "That's kind of boring, if that's all it takes then I guess I won't save you from any falling rocks."

"I don't need saving from falling rocks." Jimmy said.

"Clearly you do." Timmy poked him in the arm.

"Do not! Are there any rocks here?" 

"I wish-"

Jimmy covered Timmy's mouth.

"I fall in love with him? Him? That can't be right... So he saved my life. We save each other all the time. Why was that any different?" Jimmy pleaded to know.

"It just was." A soft smile appeared on James’ face. "I was so grateful when Timmy pulled me out of the way. So many times I had to be the one to think of a way out of the situation, it felt so rare whenever someone else had to do that for me. Yet here Timmy was, constantly doing that. It felt inevitable…"

Jimmy's chest started to feel weird. His hand got wet- Damnit, did Timmy just lick his hand?!

"Ew!" Jimmy ripped his hand away.

“You didn’t let me talk!” Timmy glared.

“You deserve a muzzle.” Jimmy wiped his hand on Timmy’s shirt.

Timmy screamed. 

“Aw, we are so cute.” Timothy cooed. “Wait- Do you have Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof on you?”

“What’s a poof?” Timmy turned to his future self.

Cosmo and Wanda winked into existence over Timmy’s head. 

“You remember us?” Wanda’s eyes widened. 

“Neat!” Cosmo smiled.

Timothy gasped, almost tearing up. “Yeah, Jorgen didn’t take my memories. Saving the multiverse and Fairy World a few times gives you that sort of privilege.”

“We save Fairy World? Multiple times? Us?” Timmy asked. It didn't seem like that far of a stretch. After all, he was on a team dedicated to keeping the multiverse safe.

“Yup. My Cosmo and Wanda retired but they still visit me every so often. I guess Poof hasn’t- I should keep that one a surprise.” Timothy zipped his lips.

“Cool! I get to keep my memories of Cosmo and Wanda.” 

“You were going to forget about them?” Jimmy asked.

“It’s…” Timmy rubbed the back of his neck, looking away. “It’s a story for another time.”

Jimmy eyed his friend, “What do you mean-” 

“Who wants cookies?” Timothy clasped his hands, breaking the tension.

“Me!” Timmy got up and ran to the grocery bags, ravaging through them.

Timothy whistled with fake innocence. Jimmy turned to his future self but James only put his hands up.

Whatever. He’ll confront Turner about it later.

“What on Earth possessed you to fall in love with him?” Jimmy gestured to the two Timmys. The fear ran through this heart. There were two of them. Over there, bonding over cookies. The holograms were buzzing with energy.

How the world hadn’t exploded yet was beyond him.

“I’ve spent the last twenty years asking myself that every same question. Why him?” James grabbed a cookie and passed it over to Jimmy. “Long story short; he makes me happy.” He shrugged.

“He’s nothing but a nuisance that causes problems for everyone else to deal with.” Jimmy grabbed the cookie and bit into it angrily.

“We did that a lot as a kid too.”

“Wha- Did not!” Jimmy covered his mouth trying not to let the crumbs fall onto the floor.

James pulled up his hand and started counting off different incidents they were responsible for, “Pants, aliens, nanobots, the N-men, evil clone-”

“Okay.” 

“Addictive candy, permanent sickness, rapid aging, I can keep going.” James gave a mischievous smile. 

“We fixed all of those issues.”

“We also caused them.”

A rebuttal was on the tip of Jimmy’s tongue.

“Oh my God-” Timothy pushed his younger self out of the way to get over to the gaming system. “Is this?”

“Hey!” Timmy pouted, on the floor. 

“It’s exactly what you think it is.” James said.

“It’s not even out yet.” Timothy was completely mesmerized.

“I know. I’m the best.” James put his arms around Timothy’s waist. “I was going to set it up before you got back but I was interrupted.” James glared at the kids. 

“If you’d opened that up without me getting to hear you go on and on about the latest advancements in gaming I would've divorced you.” Timothy kissed James on the cheek.

“You should divorce anyway.” Timmy said in between bites. The crumbs fell onto the wooden floor. 

“Overruled.” Timothy smiled. They began kissing again. 

Jimmy ripped his gaze away from them. Maybe Dictator Libby wasn’t the bad future. Maybe this was the bad future. “Alright. That’s enough.” Timmy stood up. “Cosmo and Wanda, I wish we were back in Jimmy’s lab in our own time!”

---

When they got back to the lab they stood in silence. There was a lot to unpack.

"So, we get married in the future." Timmy started off, breaking the awkward silence.  

"Don't remind me.” Jimmy held his head in his hands. “This is somehow worse than that future where I was married to Cindy."

"Hey! I don't exactly want to get married to you either, calling you Handsome and Sweetbuns." Timmy shivered.

Jimmy covered his ears. "Please stop talking!"

"I can't stop thinking about it!"

"Neither can I!"

"Agh."

"Aghggh!"

They glared at each other. 

Jimmy could never and would never fall in love with Timmy Turner. He simply refused it. 

It was still impossible to wrap his head around it. This was coming from a boy genius who could understand anything.

How could their lives ever lead to marriage? They could barely agree in the present. It made no logical sense. It made less than no sense. It made negative sense.

Wanda and Cosmo transformed back into their default fairy forms. 

“Oh come on, marriage isn't the worst thing in the world. Right sweetie?” She smiled at her husband.

“Marrying Wanda was one of the best decisions I ever made,” Cosmo simpered. 

“Aww,” Wanda cooed.

"It might work out for you two, but for Timmy and I marriage is completely illogical. I cannot believe my future self not only entertained the idea but went forward with it. At least in a heterosexual-"

"Pfft.” Timmy interrupted. “You said sex." 

Cosmo giggled along with Timmy.

“Oh stop it you two,” Wanda said and they stopped.

Jimmy rolled his eyes, "In a male-female relationship there is at least the possibility of bearing offspring."

"Offspring?" Timmy titled his head.

"A baby." Jimmy explained.

"Oh. Yeah no, I can't have a baby.” 

"I can!" Cosmo chimed in. 

Jimmy and Timmy stared at him. Apparently this was also new news to Timmy. It only adds to the theory that perhaps Turner got the holograms from somewhere else. 

Wanda only nodded in confirmation. 

"I'm not addressing that. In a homo-" Jimmy groaned. "A male-male relationship, I could see the potential benefits-"

"See, that's why you're gay in the future." Timmy said. 

"WE ARE BOTH GAY IN THE FUTURE!" Jimmy, honest to God, wanted to lunge at Turner.  

"Lalalalala!" Timmy covered his ears. "Cosmo, Wanda, I wish I couldn't hear Jimmy."

The two holograms did as they were told. They raised their wands, and beams of light with a shower of little sparkles fell from them.

One day Jimmy was going to pop Turner like a balloon. Preferably before their wedding. Scratch that, their wedding day would never happen because Turner would be dead. 

"Real mature, Turner." Jimmy shook his head and crossed his arms. “Can you tell him that I said we need to talk about this?”

“Jimmy says he thinks you should still talk to him.” Cosmo said.

“Nope.” Timmy turned away from Jimmy.  “I’m going to ignore him for the rest of my life.” 

“Timmy says-”

 “I can still hear him Cosmo.” Jimmy cut him off. Cosmo frowned. The hologram was only trying to help. “Thank you though.”

“Timmy, you can't ignore Jimmy forever.” Wanda said.

“Yes, I can.” Timmy crossed his arms. “Watch me.” 

Jimmy walked in front of him, “You’re still in my lab!”

Timmy closed his eyes and turned in another direction.

Jimmy groaned, “I can’t believe my future self would ever agree to marrying you!”

“Jokes on you, Fudgehead. I can't even hear you.” Timmy stuck his tongue out at Jimmy.

Jimmy started violently shaking Turner.

Wanda pointed her wand at Jimmy and dragged him to the other side of the lab.

“Aw, I hate seeing couples fight.” Cosmo said.

“We’re not a couple!” The two kids shouted. 

“Oh no, they’re divorcing.” Cosmo grabbed his wife in fear. “Wanda, we have to fix this.” He shook her.

“They aren't even married yet!” Wanda pushed Cosmo off of her. She looked back at the two boys in front of her. “Err- Will be? Time travel is tricky.”

“I do not want to get married. No way, especially not to peanut skull over there.” Timmy said.

There had to be a way to get out of this situation. He just needed to think, think, t h i n k.

Brain blast. 

“What if we just forget?” Jimmy thought aloud to himself. He started grabbing materials to make a device to forget.

“Forget? Uh, are you sure that’s a good idea kiddo?” Wanda asked.

“I’m very forgetful. I forgot where I put my lawn gnome the other day.” Cosmo said. 

Jimmy spread out the materials and started working on the device, “If we forget then we can live without the burden of knowing our future selves fates.” 

“Wait, what is Jimmy doing?” Timmy looked back and forth between the three of them. “I wish I could hear Jimmy again.” 

Cosmo and Wanda raised their wands. The “wish” came true.

“You’ve finally come to your senses.” Jimmy said flatly.

“What were you saying before?” Timmy asked.

“We clearly don't like knowing we’re married, so let’s change that.” Jimmy started putting the pieces together. “I can build an amnesia ray-” “I saw one back over there.” Timmy pointed in a random direction with a strange amount of conviction. 

“I don’t remember building such a thing.” Jimmy scratched his head, putting down the pieces. “Of course you wouldn’t remember. It’s an amnesia ray. Duh.” Cosmo said.

He almost hated how much that made sense.

“Well, let’s grab it and forget this awful day.” Jimmy saud.

“Wait!” Timmy tackled him. 

“What in the name of Einstein are you doing?” Jimmy tried to glare at Turner but that proved futile. All he could do was kick and punch the air and floor. 

Timmy sat on the genius’ back, “You’re trying to entrap me in a marriage.”

“Excuse me?” Jimmy stopped.

“I know a loophole when I see one. If we forget, then we get married. If we remember, then we won't get married. You want us to get married.”

Jimmy’s jaw dropped. “What?” Darn it, he did not think of it that way. “I don’t want us to get married at all!” 

Timmy narrowed his eyes. “I’m onto your games, Neutron.” 

“That’s enough.” Wanda pointed her wand at the boys and pushed them to opposite sides of the lab. “You two are acting ridiculous. One, marriage isn’t something that just happens. It’s a commitment. One you make every single day. That type of love comes once in a lifetime for humans. Your future selves were deeply in love. They experienced things you’ve yet to, their decision may not make sense now but who’s to say it won’t later down the line?”

“Yuck.” Timmy made a face.

“Absolutely not.” Jimmy folded his arms defiantly.

“Which brings me to point number two, you two are children.” Wanda reminded them.

“So don’t worry so much about marriage.” Cosmo chirped.

“It’s been a long day.” Jimmy yawned. “Maybe we shouldn’t act with such haste.”

“I guess you guys are right. It’s been a crazy day. I wish we could just forget this ever happened.” Timmy sighed.

Jimmy’s eyes widened. “Turner-”

“Wait!” Timmy yelled.

Cosmo’s wand flashed.

---

It was one of those rare days where it was quiet in the lab. Jimmy worked on some projects that he had been avoiding. Carl and Sheen were both independently busy. The multiverse was quiet, well... Aside from one boy with gigantic teeth.

"Jimmy, I'm bored." Timmy Turner said.

"And that is my problem because...?" Jimmy asked as he screwed in a piece for his working prototype for a new communication device.

"Because- Woah!"

Jimmy turned around. It was him but taller? Him as an adult.

Future Jimmy shot a laser at Chrono Arch. It exploded into nothingness.

"What are you doing?" Jimmy ran over to the newly destroyed portal.

"You two keep going into the future, get freaked out, decide to forget, go back into the future, get freaked out- It's annoying. Cute the first few times, but I'm at my limit." Future Jimmy threw a small box towards Timmy. "Have fun."

Timmy caught the box, "Decimator 2: Destiny's Revenge. Cool! This isn't even out yet." 

"He's so easily entertained." Future Jimmy said, with a slight fondness.

"Do you remember the last time he had a copy of Decimator?" Jimmy glared at his future self, trying to get a hold of Timmy but he already ran away to cause chaos.

"Of course I do, you can handle it. You always do." Future Jimmy ruffled his hair. 

"Hey!" Jimmy tried to fix his hair.

"Take care. Don't try to kill each other." Future him punched something onto his wrist device. They made eye contact. “I shouldn't say anything but, good luck. I promise it will be worth the wait.”

“What’s worth the wait?” Jimmy asked.

Future Jimmy only glanced at Timmy. 

Before Jimmy could ask what he meant but his future self already left. 

“Uh… Jimmy. I think I broke something.” Timmy held up the broken prototype Jimmy was working on not even three minutes ago.

Oh. 

Oh, a thousand deaths for Timmy Turner. His future self was definitely talking about planning the perfect method to get rid of one of the most idiotic children he ever had to meet. That had to be it. There was no other logical explanation. Turner’s death would be wonderful and it would be worth the wait.

[dedalvs]

Announcing a New Conlang Conference: Kopikon

Jessie Sams and I are hosting a conlang conference called Kopikon at Georgetown University on Saturday, September 23rd. So far we'll be having talks from the following:

David Peterson (House of the Dragon, The 100)

Jessie Sams (Shadow and Bone, Motherland: Fort Salem)

Carl Buck (Halo)

John Quijada (creator of Ithkuil)

Sally Caves (creator of Teonaht and Reginald Barclay)

Sylvia Sotomayor (creator of Kēlen)

Marc Okrand (Star Trek)

More to be announced soon! If you're interested, you can register here.

[ao3feedbuddie]

Buck Gallagher?

Yourmom3435 I've seen like two? I think fics about Buck being a Gallagher but none of them are done so I figured why not do it myself. So this is just a fic about the 118 meeting/finding out about all of his siblings. Please don't ask about the timeline or Maddie. This is just something I wanted to do quick and easy without worrying about all the small details.   OR The 118 meeting/finding out about all of Bucks siblings. Bucks a Gallagher. Words: 795, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: 9-1-1 (TV), Shameless (US) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: Multi Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Bobby Nash, Athena Grant, Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Karen Wilson, Ian Gallagher, Mickey Milkovich, Carl Gallagher, Fiona Gallagher, Lip Gallagher, Howie "Chimney" Han, Debbie Gallagher, Liam Gallagher (Shameless US) Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich, Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Henrietta "Hen" Wilson/Karen Wilson Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Kinda?, not really - Freeform, Buck Gallagher, Protective Evan "Buck" Buckley, buddie, secretive Evan "Buck" Buckley, Buck is a Gallagher via https://ift.tt/9BMEf85 "

[ao3feed-johnnylawrence]

Random Oneshots

by SnowDove1991

AU- Random Oneshots from my Crazy Fandom mind, aka oneshots I want to see more of since some or most of the pairings have practically no stories and some have none at all.....I'm looking at you Stay Alive and Scary Stories to tell in the dark.

Words: 1155, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: An American Werewolf in Paris (1997), Back to the Future (Movies), Better Watch Out (2016), Fear Street Trilogy (TV), Halloween (Movies - Green), Jeepers Creepers (Movies), My Bloody Valentine (2009), Pretty In Pink (1986), Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019), Stay Alive (2006), Summer of 84 (2018), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Movies), The Boy Next Door (2015), The Cleansing Hour (2019), The Forsaken (2001), The Hitcher (2007), Karate Kid (Movies), The Notebook (2004), The Stepfather (2009), Titanic (1997), Underworld (Movies)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage

Categories: M/M

Relationships: Kevin Peterson/Noah Sandborn, Andy McDermott/Chris, Andy McDermott/Claude, Marty McFly/Biff Tannen, Luke Lerner/Ricky, Luke Lerner/Jeremy, Kurt/Tommy Slater, Nicholas "Nick Good/Simon Kalivoda, Corey Cunningham/Cameron Elam, Corey Cunningham/Terry, Andy "Bucky" Buck/Dante Belasco, Darry Jenner/Scott "Scotty" Braddock, Tom Hanniger/Axel Palmer, Duckie Dale/Blane McDonnagh, Duckie Dale/Steff McKee, Tommy Milner/Ramón Morales, Swink Sylvania/Phineus Bantum, Hutch O'Neill/Swink Sylvania, Davey Armstrong/Tommy "Eats" Eaton, Andy/Kemper (Texas Chainsaw Massacre), Darryl/Ryan (Texas Chainsaw Massacre), Carl Hartman/Kenny (Texas Chainsaw Massacre), Richter/Dante Spivey (Texas Chainsaw Massacre), Drew/Max (The Cleansing Hour), Kit/Sean (The Forsaken), Jim Halsey/John Ryder, Daniel LaRusso/Johnny Lawrence, Noah Calhoun/Lon Hammond Jr., Michael Harding/The Stepfather, Jack Dawson/Caledon Hockley, David/Lucian (Underworld), Varga/Gregor (Underworld)

Additional Tags: Consensual Underage Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Mates, Time Travel, Older Man/Younger Man, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe, Dark, Punishment, Sexual Content, Disney References, Crossover, Love Confessions, Falling In Love, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Obsession, Claiming, Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Love/Hate, Enemies to Lovers, Moral Dilemmas, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/43174059

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Reviews: The Impossible Summit of Mt Nevverest!: The Unseen

Ho ho ho all you happy people! Christmas continues with a very special christmas adjacent ducktales! It’s been a while hasn’t it? I don’t think i’ve covered ANY Ducktales episodes since I finished the season 2 story arcs.  I had some planned but had to push them to the side to get paid work done because that’s what keeps me going, allows me to do this as a career, and what got me to do my lena and season 2 arc retrospectives in the first place.  If you have any episodes you’ve been wanting me to tackle from seasons 1 or 2 (as I covered season 3 as it came out), that I haven’t yet hit up my inbox to comission it or if you’d like to have your way every month, join my patroen. For 5 bucks a month, you get to pick one thing I revew a month, either a half an hour or tv or issue of a comic, or in duck comics case a comic story, and it’s guarnateed. It will get done every month and you will have a spot on the schedule. So if there’s more ducktails you want retold, simply slide on into my patreon 

OVER HERE

If you can’t do five, that’s fine, don’t worry even one dollar a month helps and get’s you access to my patreon exclusive reviews: I have a bunch of suplimentary scott pilgrim stuff, the second gizmoduck episode, and as a super special awesome bonus, a carl barks story about scrooge where the wig buisness leads to attempted murder, lawsuits, and this lovely image. 

And if you just want to jaw about ducks to your hearts content my discord server is 

RIGHT OVER HERE. 

 Now all my promoting is squared away, let’s talk about this episode. This one has an intresting history as it was INTENDED to be the third episode of the season, providing a nice mix of duckburg centric episodes and adventure ones, as well as providing an even focus on the cast: In intended order, each of the four main kids would’ve had a spotlight episode: First Dewey with the second half of the pilot, then Webby with Daytrip of Doom!, Huey with this episode and finally Louie with the great dime chase. Each character gets an episode of full focus on who they are, their personality, while still giving the rest of the cast plenty to do. It was well thought out. Not only that it gave us a nice spread of globetrotting  adventure episodes mixed with ones set in duckburg. The creators thought this through.

Disney unforutnatley didn’t, which is a SHOCK coming from the same stuido that filmed in the same providence as concentration camps, announced their first gay character 57 times, cut the third season of a heavily loved and aclamined show short because it’s “Too Gay Not Disney Approriate”, canceling this show three seasons in due to an abrittary stuido mandate despite being able to easily go for 5 or more and thought the eternals would be great to not only anchor a film in the first place but also introduce their first major queer character in the mcu whose visably gay. I can’t imagine them fucking up bad. 

Well they done did. As you likely know if you watched the show first run, the order scrambled things to fit their schedule. As I covered in my Season 1 arcs, this fucked both up a bit by giving the season a LONG gap before either progresed any due to moving the second lena episode up. There is no excuse for this and it’s lucky the order was fixed for the Disney+ release.. after being botched intitally because it’s Disney and they have to stumble through a yard full of rakes before actually succeeding at anything. It’s just how they work. 

So while fucking with the story arcs was a worse offense, it did also similarly screw over one character; Huey. As I said in intended order, he gets an episode early on as the crew was decent at character ballance. It’d take them till season 3 to properly use Donald and Beakley in a season, i’ll grant that, but outside of those two glaring exceptions, they do have a good track record of giving every member of the main cast a decent amount of screentime, with of course one triplet getting a major story arc. But with this .. we have to wait till the END of the first half of the season to get any focus on him, thus making it seem like the creators didn’t care about the character as much.. when clearly yeah they did, they were just spreading it out and think on the season as a whole rather than episode by episode. So a good chunk of season 1′s issues were things that were not their fault and many viewers, including myself, unfairly put on them. And the reason fo rall this? So they’d have a christmas episode. 

And this REALLY isn’t one. I’m covering it with my other christmas stuff because it TECHNICALLY counts, but really it’s just one line early on to set up the santa thing. And I give Frank credit for mastering a venture bros level of deciding to make a throaway line or small joke into an entire fucking episode. He made the santa thing a recurring thread that paid off TWICE, first with Moonvasion and again with the reveal behind it all, made a one off mention of Scrooge keeping the world serpent at bay into a wonderful wrestling episode, and even set up the fun joke of Gibious and Zenith adopting a dog and naming it good boy a half a season ahead of time. Granted unlike Jackson and Doc it’s clearly through careful planning more than just wininging it and making it look like you planned it, but it’s the same result and the same level of talent. 

But I can talk about how this show feels like a spirutal succesor to the venture bros another time, and honestly intend to make it it’s own article since frankly it deserves it and I want to get more fans into both shows. Point is, this really isn’t a christmas episode, and i’m covering it over the far more christmasy “Last Christmas” purely for personal reasons: I tried scheduling both, moved it so i’d get at least one done, and picked this one for a very simple reasons: out of ducktales 69 episodes, this is the ONLY ONE I’VE NEVER SEEN. 

Yeah. I simply kept putting it off for the past four years. I don’t even have the excuse with Last Christmas I did of missing watching it during the proper season and saving it like I usually do. I just kept forgetting to watch it and never set aside time for it. Simple as that. So this is the first and only time since Season 3 Wrapped I went into an episode not having seen it. I knew what happened, but even being a massive Huey fan, I just never got around to it. So this felt like it was more important and I now feel secure enough that i’ll be here next year to say “fuck it i’ll save one for next time”. 

So I have a very valid reason.. Disney just wanted another winter episode despite having plenty of shows and episodes for that at the time. This came out the same year as the Star Vs Holiday Special.. which granted is hot garbage and I covered that last year, but still you had another flagship show having a holiday episode. You didn’t need this. And unlike their other shows where they stick in their fingers and go “I CAN’T HEAR YOU FANBASE YOU DON’T EXIST i CAN’T HEAR YOU”, they KNOW Ducktales crosses generations. Most guest spots got Entertainment Weekly articles, the ONLY show they’ve done it for. The show itself got a decent sized spread in the same magazine. They know adults and teens watch this but didn’t care if they tuned out of it. A first season is crucial: you can have some roughs spots but if there isn’t enough there for audiences to latch onto it could die off quickly even if the show gets better. While Ducktales thankfully got a healthy, if still shorter than it deserved, three season run, they VERY badly risked no one wanting to watch the second they already greenlit with this bullshit. Disney needs to be better. Thankfully at the very least it seems they learned their lesson and haven’t done this since.. but the fact they did it at all still baffles me. 

So while there’s intresting stuff AROUND it is the episode itself any good? Join me under the cut to unwrap this one and find out! Full spoilers.. for a four year old episode of a completed tv show with spoilers about it’s ending I freely talk about. 

So we open in the Sunchaser with Scrooge and the Kids in winter gear. Their mission is to climb on top of a never neverrest with their contaiminated family specfically Mt. Nevverest, the tallest mountain in the world. Louie is less than enthused both with it being christmas and with it being extra work. Huey on the otherhand is all the way enthused as he wants to get his cartography badge, and this being 20XX, most of the world’s been charted. That line’s also a nice bit of possible foreshadowing for Della’s trek into space: the whole reason for it, if you recall is because Scrooge, Donald and Della had FOUND just about every lost nook and cranny of the world. So this mountain may be his best shot. 

Launchpad gets them out having once again made love to a mountain with his plane, and our heroes prepare to chart into parts unknown.. only to instead gaze upon parts tourist trap, as since Scrooge had been there a tourist industry has sprung up. This is another one of the series neat updates but in a subtle way. As I learned in one of John Olvier’s stories, turns out mountain climbing has turned into a massive boom industry... and created tons of problems because let’s face it if it turns up as the main story of last week tonight, it’s probably not something good. So what was likely a quite villiage having turned into a sizeable tourist trap is incredibly common and a nice touch of reality, as is Scrooge’s natural disgust with this. 

We get the setup for Launchpad’s subplot and woo-ooo boy... this one. I’ll go ahead and get it out of the way since i’ts REALLY irrelvant to the rest of the story: Launchpad gets conned by a local dog person into thinking he might have “ice fever” a fake malady he made up to con launchpad into buying needless junk. That’s a decent setup, one we could get some good comedy out of and leads to a great moment for Louie. The problem is Louie sits out most of the subplot, so instead it’s just Launchpad, who ends up behind because he gets sent tumbling down the mountain due to getting his pack, with half our heroes suplies, caught in an arch, so he ends up just bumbling around for about 5 minutes snowblind, with Mr. Magoo level jokes about him mistaking things and panicking about his alleged disease while bumping into people and ruining their day like a jackass. That COULD be funny if done right, with actual jokes but the series seems to think Launchpad just yelling a lot and getting into blind mishaps is funny which...

The climax IS really excellent though and makes me wish this plot actually lived up to it. Launchpad bumps into Louie. If your wondering why he’s not with the others, that itself is a great bit: Louie talks about a treasure of nevverest as the fam gets ready to set out.. only to find out there’s no treasure and understandably nope out of this, somethign Scrooge probably should’ve seen coming dragging along the one child who loves money as much as he does, but it IS early in the series so him not seeing this coming is more excusable. His episode bonding with Louie comes AFTER this in proper order. 

So he’s just maxin relaxing all cool when he finds launchpad, finds out he’s been scammed and in a nice character moment, gets ANGRY, saying no one messes with his family. It’s nice both because he JUST MET launchpad two episodes ago.. as well as showing that this early on Louie isn’t some greedy heartless monsterboy. He cares about the people in his life. It also is a nice early example of showing how Louie’s grifting isn’t INHERENTLy bad, it just has to be aimed at a deserving target. And the guy conning an obvious himbo is the most desreving. 

How Louie beats him is just as brilliant: he simply plays up the fact Launchpad supposdly has ice fever to the crowd, making the bastard’s own lie backfire horribly.. and the guy slip that i’ts a lie. The crowd beats him up for a refund, Launchpad thinks he’s cured, and Louie goes with it because why not. It’s a ncie moment I just wish we didn’t have to put up with 4 minutes of praying for death to get there. 

Scrooge isn’t phased by loosing a nephew and instead likes Huey’s enthuasim, with Huey even grabbing a tourist map to do notes on. He then brings up what turns out to be a sore spot for Scrooge: George Mallardy, a brave explorer who NEARLY got to the top but then vanished, leaving behind nothing but a handsome mustached and the legend of his partner, the nevverest ninny, a nitwit who never made it upt here. Scrooge says i’ts just a story.. a story about a VERY rich man who in no way was actually a ninny good day nephew. GOOD DAY. 

Anyway, we get the setup for the better b-plot tucked neatly within the main plot, a cute little side story about Dewey and Webby. Past me would’ve loved the shipping matieral while present me wishes I could travel back there, complete with Doc Brown’s weird outfit from the end of back to the future to scream “NO THEIR RELATED NO JAKE NOOOOO.” Eh got better ships for both now anyway and if I could time travel.. i’d make my own bin to fill with digimon and medabots to swim around in while using now vintage yugioh cards to finance said bin. And pokemon too but that’d be it’s own bin and require a lot more time travel to diffrent periods and diffrnet k-marts. Start small then work your way up I say. 

The plot kicks off with the most adorable scene possible as Webby sees a sled in the window on sale, buys it and then sleds down.. about half a foot before falling over comically. Dewey suggests waiting for the maximum moment... and since he shares a va with, and acts like, a mascot with attitude webby agrees to his idea to sled down mt nevverst. It mostly ammounts to Webby wanting to go now and Dewey saying not yet, but it is pretty freaking adorable with her enthuasim and him trying to paitently guide her like a big brother.. and kicking the sled out under her once,  like a big brother. 

So our heroes journey fourth up the mountain, with Scrooge taking loosing Launchpad and half their kit in stride. Things go well at first, as they tend to with Huey finding a forboding rock someone CLEARLY sealed something under he names bunny rock.  It’s not bad as it builds up the mountain and sets us up for the episodes twist. No not that scrooge is the ninny, that’s less of a twist and more of an obvious setup for later. No i’m talking about the fact the mountain eldtircly warps, as our heroes find Bunny Rock again.

Scrooge tries brushing it off and after the second time around leaves them with no progress and a storm starting, they hide inside a cave. It’s there our heroes find Mallardy.. or rather his skeleton, hilariously wearing a “I didn’t surivvie mt. nevverest t-shit”, which scrooge brags about passing because he classy like that. His bragging reveals his hidden shame though. 

And that he’s the Ninny, though the story naturally isn’t THAT cut and dry: Scrooge hired Mallardy to help him scale the mountain, wanting to do a big thing to celebrate his first million which with later reveals places this sometime in the 60s. When Scrooge was reluctant to progress due to the danger, mallardy cut him loose and thus Scrooge wanted to do this to erase his old shame with new glory. The tragedy of this is Scrooge, much like his comics counterpart did when swindled by glomgold, took the wrong lessonf rom this. Instead of thinking “well I was more prepared and right and he was uncautious and is now dead, I should be careful, while still taking risks” his thought was “Screw prepration for this one and only job I want ot get this done.” It dosen’t feel inconsitant with how this scrooge likes to be well prepared either: the fact he ISN’T bothered by loosing launchpad and dosen’t go back to get his half of the suplies if nothing else, when normally Scrooge makes sure to have plenty of kit within reason and as much info as he has avaliable, is a clear tell this is personal to him. And as we saw with Donald and eventaully will with santa, one of Scrooge’s biggest weaknesses is holding grudges. Sure he’ll gladly employ a former foe like manny.. but if you personally cross or betray him, or he FEELS you did even if he’s the one who really did the betraying, he will NEVER let it go and thus his anger blinds him as much as, ironically, it does say glomgold. The only thing that seperates them is Scrooge is capable of letting it go and of self reflection: with the right catalyist he CAN realize holding onto this shit isn’t healthy. Glomgold has about as much self relfection as a a mirror covered and mud and hung in a dark basement in the middle of a black hole. 

So he wants to press on.. and finds the key thanks to webby who runs around the room. Turns out the mountain has warps in it, hence them getting looped around, to protect it’s top. WHY is never explained.. but this is one of those times where that works: by not explaning it it makes it that much more daunting: we dont know WHY it’s like this, we just know it is and it makes things tha tmuch harder. It also works because we don’t need a foe here. The antagonist in the main plot isn’t a person.. but Scrooge’s own stubborn need to erase his own failure. It’s clear by this point their better off going back, MAYBE coming back eventually but they don’t have the suplies for something like this. Scrooge keeps pressing on.. but Huey realizes that as much as he WANTS his owl goal it’s not worth it. 

Huey was the perfect choice here too: the episode shows off his careful planning, as he sketches on the map as things go haywire and brings some high tech equipment, and his bonding with scrooge here is sweet, geeking out over his vintage mountain thing and both being equally determined. And it makes it that much more powerful when he BAILS. The badge isn’t worth his life, Scrooge has clearly lost it, he knows it’s time to quit and there’s no shame in that. Sometimes the biggest thing you can do is walk away. I’ve done that iwth projects realizing it woudlnt’ work or if I go back to them I need to take it from another angle. It’s not an easy thing to just walk away from something you REALLY want. But sometimes.. it’s the only thing you can do and the only thing you SHOULD do. It shows that huey’s caution, while often holding him back, can be a strength in the right situation the same way Louie’s schemes, often his own greatest weakness, can be. By knowing WHEN to quit he saves his family and snaps Scrooge out of it, Scrooge realizing that he’s gone too far and calling it off.. just in time for avalanche. A really undereated mst3k episode but a really bad thing to get caught in.

We get a nice sledding climax,  Webby finds it meh, and our heroes arrive down, Scrooge being fine iwth his failure and Huey’s map blowing away in the wind.. and to the top, in a way.. reaching his goal by not reaching it. 

Final Thoughts; This episdoe isn’t anythign spectacular but it’s still damn good. The plot with Huey gives him some really good character moments I wish we’d gotten sooner and the snowy setting is pure fun, from the sleddnig subplot to the haunting atmosphere in places. It’s a solid episode worth visiting.. it’s just not a christmas one. Thanks for reading

[heressomestuffyoumightlike]

Disney Investor Day 2020 Info Dump

DIsney just put out the most insane collection of entertainment news I’ve ever seen in a 4-hour presentation. Here’s the big stuff:

LUCASFILM

Ashoka (Series) Set during the time of The Mandalorian.

Rangers of the New Republic (Series) also set during the time of The Mandalorian.

Andor (Series) follows Cassian Andor before the events of Rogue One. 2022

Obi-Wan Kenobi (Series) will have Hayden Christensen returning as Darth Vader.

The Bad Batch (Series) seems to be an animated continuation of The Clone Wars with The Bad Batch characters introduced in season 7, set after the fall of the Jedi.

The Acolyte (Series) is set many years before the Skywalker saga, following the rise of the dark side.

Lando (Series)

Star Wars Visions (Series) An anime series of Star Wars shorts

Star Wars: Rogue Squadron (Movie) directed by Patty Jenkins (Wonder Woman). Christmas 2023

Taika Waititi is writing and directing a new Star Wars movie

Willow (Movie) is getting a sequel with Warwick Davis. 2022

Indiana Jones 5 will be the final film in the series. Harrison Ford returning, and directed by James Mangold (Logan). Summer 2022

Children of Blood and Bone (Movie?) based on the YA series

DISNEY LIVE-ACTION

The Mighty Ducks: Game Changers (Movie?) with Emilio Estevez returning

Turner & Hooch (Movie?)

Beauty and the Beast Prequel Series (Series) with Luke Evans and Josh Gad returning. No Date

Swiss Family Robinson (Series?). No Date

Percy Jackson and the Olympians (Series). No Date

The Mysterious Benedict Society (Movie) looks like Umbrella Academy for kids, but no superpowers... Funny trailer.

Hocus Pocus 2, Three Men and a Baby remake, a bunch of sports movies, Flora & Ulysses, Cheaper by the Dozen, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Ice Age: The Adventures of Buck Wild, an animated Night at the Museum sequel, all revealed without much fanfare

Jungle Cruise (Movie) coming next July

The Lion King Live-Action Sequel

The Little Mermaid (Movie) will be going to theaters

Chip N’ Dale Rescue Rangers (Movie) is a live action/CG hybrid with the voices of Andy Samberg and John Mulaney

Pinnochio (Movie) starring Tom Hanks, going to Disney+

Peter Pan and Wendy (Movie) with Jude Law as Captain Hook going to Disney+

Disenchanted (Movie) is the Enchanted Sequel with Amy Adams returning to Disney+

Sister Act 3 (Movie) with Whoopie Goldberg returning to Disney+

Cruella (Movie) starring Emma Stone in the 70′s set prequel

DISNEY ANIMATION

Raya and the Last Dragon will release in theatres and Disney+ Premier Access in March 2021

Baymax! (Series) focuses on Baymax’s desire to be a nurse robot. Early 2022

Zootopia+ (Shorts) Shorts set in the world of Zootopia. Spring 2022

Tiana (Series) “Long-form musical comedy series” sequel to Princess and the Frog. 2023

Moana (Series) A sequel series to the movie. 2023

Iwaju (Series) This fururistic animated series is a collaboration between Disney and Pan-African comic book entertainment company Kugali,set in Nigeria and “steeped in science fiction”. 2022

Encanto (Movie) Their next animated film from the creators of Zootopia, set in Colombia. Songs by Lin-Manuel Miranda. Fall 2021

PIXAR

Dug Days (Series) A continuation series of Up with Dug and Carl. Fall 2021

Cars Series (Series). It’s Cars.

Win or Lose (Series) It’s about a kids softball team or something. Fall 2023

Luca (Movie) Set in Italy. What if pasta had a soul? June 2021

Turning Red (Movie) A 13-year old girl who "poofs” into a giant red panda when she gets too excited. From the director of the “Bao” short. Spring 2022

Lightyear (Movie) Buzz Lightyear origin story with Chris Evans as Buzz. Actual Buzz Lightyear, not a toy. Summer 2022

MARVEL

Wandavision (January 15), Falcon and Winter Soldier (March 2021) and Loki (May 2021) series coming very soon

Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness confirms Benedict Cumberbatch, Benedict Wong, Rachel McAdams, Chiwetel Ejiofor and Elizabeth Olson returning, as well as newcomer Xochitl Gomez as America Chavez. Connects to Wandavision and Spider-Man 3. March 25, 2022

Black Widow is I guess still coming to Theatres on May 7, 2021

What If...? (series) Animated alternate tales from the MCU (What if T’challa was kidnapped by Yondu instead of Peter? What if Peggy Carter became Captain America? Etc.) 2021

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (Movie) releasing July 9, 2021

Ms. Marvel (Series) filming now, coming in 2021.

Captain Marvel 2 (Movie) will feature Ms. Marvel as well. No date.

Hawkeye (Series) has Jeremy Renner, and Hailee Steinfeld as Kate Bishop. Late 2021

She Hulk (Series) starring Tatiana Maslany and featuring Mark Ruffalo and Tim Roth (Abomination from The Incredible Hulk). Described as “very funny”, and I guess because it’s a legal show, “anyone” could show up. 2022?

Moon Knight (Series) Basically Batman, but with Egyptian gods in his head. Rumours are Oscar Issac is playing him, but no confirmation here

Secret Invasion (Series) will follow the Skrull invasion of Earth, where they imperinate various world politicians and heroes. Starring Samuel L. Jackson and Ben Mendelson

Ironheart (Series) young black supergenius Riri Williams picks up the mantle of Iron Man.

Armor Wars (Series) has Don Cheadle returning as Rhodey, and asks the question “what happens when Tony Stark’s technology falls into the wrong hands”

The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special written and directed by James Gunn. Christmas 2022

The Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3 (Movie) in 2023

I Am Groot (Shorts). No Date

Thor: Love and Thunder (Movie) from Taika Waititi with Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tessa Thompson, and Christian Bale as Gorr the God-Butcher. May 6 2022

Blade (Movie) starring Mahershala Ali. No date.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (Movie) Paul Rudd, Evangeline Lily, Michael Douglas and Michelle Pfeiffer returning, with Kathryn Newton as Cassie Lang and Jonathan Majors as the villain, Kang the Conquerer. No date

Black Panther 2 will not recast T’challa but will move forward to further explore the world of Wakanda. July 8, 2022

Fantastic 4 is in some stage of production, with Jon Watts (Director of the recent Spider-Man trilogy) directing.

Zero talk of Spider-Man 3, but recent rumours are nuts. Coming December 2021

Hopefully there is something here to excite you

[bm2ab]

Arrivals & Departures 28 June 1926 Melvyn Kaminsky [Mel Brooks]

Mel Brooks (born Melvyn Kaminsky; 28 June 1926) is an American director, writer, actor, comedian, producer and composer. He is known as a creator of broad film farces and comedic parodies. Brooks began his career as a comic and a writer for Sid Caesar's variety show Your Show of Shows (1950–54) alongside Woody Allen, Neil Simon, and Larry Gelbart. Together with Carl Reiner, he created the comic character The 2000 Year Old Man. He wrote, with Buck Henry, the hit television comedy series Get Smart, which ran from 1965 to 1970.

In middle age, Brooks became one of the most successful film directors of the 1970′s, with many of his films being among the top 10 moneymakers of the year they were released. His best-known films include The Producers (1967), The Twelve Chairs (1970), Blazing Saddles (1974), Young Frankenstein (1974), Silent Movie (1976), High Anxiety (1977), History of the World, Part I (1981), Spaceballs (1987), and Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993). A musical adaptation of his first film, The Producers, ran on Broadway from 2001 to 2007, and was subsequently remade into a musical film in 2005 by Brooks himself.

In 2001, having previously won an Emmy, a Grammy and an Oscar, he joined a small list of EGOT winners with his Tony Award wins for The Producers. He received a Kennedy Center Honor in 2009, a Hollywood Walk of Fame star in 2010, the 41st AFI Life Achievement Award in June 2013, a British Film Institute Fellowship in March 2015, a National Medal of Arts in September 2016, and a BAFTA Fellowship in February 2017. Three of his films ranked in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 comedy films of the past 100 years (1900–2000), all of which ranked in the top 15 of the list: Blazing Saddles at number 6, The Producers at number 11, and Young Frankenstein at number 13.

Brooks was married to the actress Anne Bancroft from 1964 until her death in 2005. Their son Max Brooks is an actor and author, known for his novel World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War (2006).

[buzzdixonwriter]

Gene Autry's Horse

Peter David recently posted a short essay on the current brouhaha over Martin Scorsese and Francis Coppola saying the Marvel movies aren’t real cinema, not genuine works of art, but just “thrill rides”.

Before going further, let me state my unabashed respect and admiration for Peter David.  He’s a creator who certainly earned his spurs, he has a massive body of work, he is an all around mensch, and his opinion is hard earned and well informed.

Except in this case, his conclusions are wrong.

To prove my point, let me ask Peter a question:

What was the name of Gene Autry’s horse?

Those of you wondering what Gene’s horse has to do with the Marvel cinematic universe (hence MCU), my explanation is this: The single largest genre of films made before 1960 were Westerns.

Add to that television programs, where Westerns remained a staple until the mid-1970s.

And radio shows.

And pulp novels.

And comic books.

They were the definitive American movie genre from 1903’s The Great Train Robbery until Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid drove a stake through the heart of the standard genre offering in 1969.

There are some who claim Blazing Saddles did the genre in, but Westerns had endured numerous comedy and parody versions in the past.

Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid killed the Western as a popular genre by simply having Butch and Sundance do the most logical thing at the first sign of danger, the thing the real Butch and Sundance did in real life:  They ran away.

And thus a genre trope was forever slain…

This is not to say they’ve never made another film that falls into the broad category of “Western”, but there’s no audience clamor for more of the genre.

Westerns are now simply historical films set in the American west during the period from the fall of the Alamo (1836) to Arizona becoming a state (1912).

There are films that employ Western genre tropes that take place in the contemporary era (Road House and Extreme Prejudice to name two) or transplant the Western genre to other lands (Sukiyaki Western Django and Tampopo, f’r instance), but as a genre it is dead-dead-DEAD.

Yet at one time, Westerns were so popular that not only did everybody know the name of Gene Autry’s horse, but said horse starred in his own TV series!

So what happened?

Well, several things.

I could cite the changing audience in America, going from 80% rural prior to WWII to 80% urban / suburban after WWII (with a corresponding rise in detective and spy genres, as well as sci-fi), or I could cite a huge glut of material made even more accessible by television, but the truth is this:  The overwhelming bulk of American Westerns were nothing but product.

It was actually built into the genre.  I’ve been trying to locate the original essay, but a scholarly study some years back concluded only 8 basic plot conflicts drove Western stories, and only 17 stock characters carried said stories (they can be good, bad, or neutral characters, effectively tripling their number).

The essay went on to liken American Westerns to Japanese noh or kabuki dramas:  Far from familiarity of material being a problem, audiences came expecting certain tropes and stock characters, and gained their enjoyment from how well said tropes and characters were presented.

Sound familiar?

This is not to say there weren’t films that fell into the Western genre that also aspired to art, but you either had to be a Hollywood heavy hitter to get a chance at making a film like that or, at the tail end of the genre, flying so low under the radar that nobody recognized what you were doing until you did it.

Does that sound familiar?

But the overwhelming majority of Westerns, while possessing technical craftsmanship, were just product:  So many feet of gunfights. So many reels of stampedes.

Big budget A-picture or bare bones B-movie, they all fell into the same general patterns, and studios, large or small, promoted them the same way.

And audiences were fine with this.  Tom Mix, Gene Autry, Roy Rogers and Dale Evans frequently wound up among the top 10 box office draws in Hollywood during their careers.

Where are those Westerns now?

I’m a big fan of old B-Westerns, having grown up with them on TV as a kid, and know a fair amount about the personalities and production companies involved, seeking out B-Westerns on Amazon Prime and YouTube and the multi-pack bargain bins at big box stores.

How many of today’s superhero fans could identify William Boyd or Red Barry or Rocky Lane or Buck Jones?

They might remember hearing the names of Roy Rogers or Gene Autry since those stars were involved in mainstream marketing such as fast food restaurants or baseball teams (and Autry donated a museum to Los Angeles that’s named after him), but how many have actually seen any of their movies?

We have two competing superhero universes today, DCU and MCU.

Where are the T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents movies?  How come there’s no Dr. Solar or Brain Boy or Magnus, Robot Fighter films?

Answer:  No large corporation stand to make billions promoting those characters and licensing them to toys, video games, vitamin, and Underoos.

Corporations possess no sense of integrity to the original creators’ concepts.  They will change things in the blink of an eye if they think it will boost their profit margin.  They’ll promote the silliest and the most self-damaging ideas if they think it will make them a few extra bucks today.

Superman and Batman and Wonder Woman succeeded at DC bcause nobody there cared what the creators did so long as they turned their work in on time.

Product.

Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko and Jim Steranko blazed exciting new trails at Marvel because Martin Goodman couldn’t have cared less what they were doing so long as they delivered on schedule and under budget.

Product.

They flew under the radar.  They worked in a fast and grungy fashion, knocking the books out as quickly as they could.

To amuse themselves they trafficked in big ideas, eccentric art, outre stories.

That it caught on and blazed a new trail proved a combination of talent and luck.

There was no similar boom for romance comics or nurse comics or Western comics during the same period.

Right now the MCU movies are riding high and they are made with a great deal of technical care and they are amusing and entertaining.

So were Westerns.

MCU movies aim at too specialized an audience.  They appeal to this generation, but there’s no guarantee they’ll appeal to the next.

Indeed, there’s a strong argument that the next generation will reject the previous generation’s entertainment simply because it’s…well…theirs.

The films of Coppola and Scorsese will be watched.

They’re not product.

Oh, there were financed to make money, sure enough, but they were financed to make money by expressing the director’s personal taste and vision.

Further, they tend to transcend genre.

Yeah, two generations from now people who really love gangster movies will probably look up The Godfather and GoodFellas.

But people who love film, people who love art will be watching them as well.

They’ll also watch Public Enemy and Little Caesar, but unless they’re film buffs with specialized tastes, they’re going to skip the dozens of “programmers” cranked out in the 1930s to satisfy fans of that genre.

And the reason?  The Godfather and GoodFellas and Public Enemy and Little Caesar transcend their genres.

They are about people, not thrills and chills.

Consider classic Universal horror films.

James Whale & co. snuck one bona fide brilliant work of art past Carl Laemmle with Bride Of Frankenstein but after that the brakes clamped down hard and fast.

Uncle Carl couldn’t have geniuses running around doing whatever they felt like, thus risking the audience for Universal’s product.

Consistent mediocrity is better than risky genius in the eyes of the corporations.

The classic Universal monsters?  Reduced to The Munsters now; familiar icons, to be sure, but empty jokes, shadows of their former selves.

Replaced by newer monsters who in turn have been replaced by newer monster who in turn have been replaced by newer monsters and who will be replaced by newer monsters still.

‘Twas ever thus.

I begrudge the enjoyment no nobody who enjoys MCU movies.

Have fun.  Knock yourselves out.

But never mistake popcorn for caviar.

    © Buzz Dixon

  Champion was the name of Gene Autry’s horse.

[planeswalker-umbral]

Like most things that went wrong in the 80s, this is due to Reagan. He signed the Carl D. Perkins Vocational and Technical Education Act into law which allowed "Job Creators" to control our educational system.

If it can't help the Boug make a buck from you, it no longer gets taught.

[chocolatechubby]

Morph

Reprinted by permission of the author

(with deference to Wilson Barber and his wonderful Fast Majicke stories)

The CD case was quite ordinary. The only distinction, a small iridescent strip on the spine that caught Ben’s eye as he pawed lazily through the bargain software bin. It said simply “Morph”, and had a picture of a man in various stages of metamorphosis. There was something about the realistic quality of each rendering that made Ben hold onto the software. 

It had been a tense morning at work, and he’d slipped out for a longer than usual lunch. Since his break up with Devin, he wasn’t able to concentrate as fully. Ben, the chief designer in his company’s marketing department, had allowed his ennui to cause two very costly mistakes that did not sit well with his boss. Called into his supervisor’s office, the phrases “pink slip” and “severance package” punctuated the conversation. Ben thought it best to allow time for his boss to cool down. He loved to come into Chucky’s Computer Cove when he was restless. 

Chucky’s was a little Mom and Pop operation a few blocks from his office. The most beautiful brother he had ever seen—well besides Devin—owned it. Actually, Charles Brown, or “Chucky”, reminded Ben a lot of Devin: tall, cocoa brown skin, grey eyes and shiny bald head. They could easily have been brothers…with one major difference: Chucky weighed around a hundred and thirty pounds more than Devin did. Chucky had played for the Rams in the 90’s and busted his kneecaps sufficiently enough to make him walk with a pronounced limp. He had drowned his sorrows in food. Still solid and handsome, Chucky was definitely fat—a fact that Devin would rudely point out whenever he and Ben used to visit the shop together. “That’s the problem with brothers today...” Devin used to mutter under his breath—audible enough for Chucky to hear—“...we don’t take care of ourselves. THEN we wanna blame the white man for the fact that we can’t get ahead!” 

Ben had never told Devin that he actually found Chucky’s size a turn on. He often fantasized about Devin putting on a few sexy pounds. A heftier Devin might also mean a kinder, gentler lover with less of an attitude. Devin’s attitude had been a major factor in the break up of the relationship. Both men had come from similar middle-class backgrounds. In fact, their mutual love of mainstream Americana had brought them together. Ben had heard Devin whistling the Brady Kids “Sunshine Day” in a record store, and the rest was history. Two black guys who, between them, knew every sitcom theme song since “Gilligan’s Island”. 

But during the course of the relationship, Devin had begun to doubt his cultural identity. He would disappear for hours and, when questioned by Ben on returning, simply say he had been “hanging with the ‘brothas’”. Ben accepted his lover’s need to find himself; but it was how he chose to do so that had become an issue. Devin had taken up African drumming with a musician who played for an ethnic dance troupe—a tall muscular Kenyan who was the epitome of Black Maleness to Devin. 

Then one day Ben had come home to find the two men pounding on a different type of skin in the bedroom. Even then, Devin chose to hide behind his search for identity. “Only a weak brother would have a problem with this”, Devin calmly stated rolled up in the sheets, as he watched the Kenyan drummer stumble around looking for his clothes and the tears rolling down his lover’s cheeks. “I can experiment with other forms of black love, and still want to be with you! And if you can’t understand that, then you have been brainwashed by the White Man.” 

If the line had been any less clichéd and stupid, Ben probably would have kicked the shit out of Devin and the asshole drummer and landed in jail for assault. As it was, he just turned around, walked out of the apartment leaving his keys on the table by the front door, and cried himself to sleep in a hotel room at the Marriott around the corner. 

That had been six months ago. And despite the callous and thoughtless things his former lover had done while in the relationship, he still missed him terribly. Sometimes he would come to the shop just to see the large physical reflection of Devin, which he found in Chucky. 

“Ben!” Chucky shouted from across the store. No matter how busy Chucky was, he always found time to greet Ben personally. He finished helping the customers at the counter and lumbered over. It seemed to Ben that Chucky got larger every week. His big round belly seemed to hang lower over his straining khakis, and his arms almost burst out of his too tight shirts. “How ya’ doin’?” He asked, chewing on an enormous cruller. “Haven’t seen you and your friend here in a while.” Ben wondered, “Does Chucky know I’m gay?” He never felt awkward around Chucky…but ex-football player? Too many chances for homophobia so Ben always played it cool. 

“We don’t hang out together anymore.” was Ben’s short reply. “Well probably for the better”, Chucky winked. There was something in the wink that gave Ben pause, but he decided not to pursue it. He changed the subject. “Chucky…do you know anything about the manufacturer of this software?” Ben showed him the CD-ROM he had picked up in the bargain bin. Chucky turned it over a couple of times. “Fast Magic”, Chucky mused. “Never heard of them. This must be one of the CD’s I bought from this homeless dude a couple of days ago. He looked like he could use a few bucks, and the stuff was in good condition. I was a little worried that he might have swiped it from somewhere, but he said he had invented it. Whatever. If you have any problems with it, just bring it back and get something else you like.”

 “Thanks,” Ben said. Ben looked around a while longer, paid for the software and gave Chucky a final smile and wave. He couldn’t get Chuck’s comment: “Well probably for the better”, out of his mind.

The rest of the day was uneventful. The boss had calmed down enough to assign Ben to one of the agency’s bigger clients: Joe Dante’s BodyWonder line of bodybuilding supplements. Ben took the copy and the artwork home to play with it in his spare time. He seemed to have plenty of that these days. After dinner, he spread out the BodyWonder materials on the drafting table next to his computer and began looking over each item in earnest. It was all the same old crap: personal testimonials on how these pills and powders had changed lives.

 Among the literature, were the standard “before” and “after” pictures that would show flabby men and women transformed into Venus and Adonis in a matter of weeks. Most of them looked better in the “before” pics, Ben thought. There were also the stills of Joe Dante himself—five-time World Body Building Champion and all around humanitarian—shaking hands with his success stories and showing off his impossible pecs. One of Ben’s jobs was to make sure that all the muscles and curves were in place on the “after” pictures. He wouldn’t really “change” any of the pictures—just clean up any unwanted bulges and enhance the image as best he could. He was always searching for new programs to help him with this task. He decided to try out his new software.

He slid the disc into his CD-ROM and hit “run”. The familiar blips and bleeps gave way to a high-pitched whine and the lights in his apartment began to flicker. Suddenly, the entire place went black. “Great!” Ben thought, “I’ve probably introduced this mega-virus to my computer, and I’m going to spend the next month cleaning up my hard drive!” As he was about to begin feeling through the darkness for the breaker switch, the apartment was again illuminated and the computer had its familiar glow. The new program had apparently installed itself and a little gnome-like wizard was waiting patiently on the screen prompting Ben to complete the process. “Please input registration code” the gnome instructed. Ben turned the jewel case over and over. No numbers anywhere. He was about to give up when he noticed the holographic strip that had caught his eye in the computer store. “8,3,1,9,9,0” 

The numbers seemed to float in front of him. “That’s odd…” he thought, “…that’s my birthdate.” He keyed the numbers into the proper box and pressed enter. The little man walked to the center of the screen and slowly began to change. His body began to take on different forms—going from small and elf-like to muscular, to giant sized and overweight—each metamorphosis more believable than the last. The figure then winked and disappeared. Replacing it was the title of the software and a warning notice. “The creators of this program are not responsible for the misuse of this product. Please use with caution as results can be permanent.” “What an odd warning.” Ben thought. 

He scanned a couple of the “before” and “after” images into his computer, along with one or two pics of Joe Dante posing at some contest or another, then brought them into the new program. The interface looked pretty simple. He rarely looked at the “readme” files that came with graphics software—most of the writing was for novices. The tools were familiar and he quickly got the hang of using the program’s palate and toolbars to create the effects he wanted. There was a smoothness, and an intuitive feel, that caught Ben’s imagination immediately. 

He finished making his changes on the first image in record time. A mister Carl Hurley of Grand Rapids Michigan had gone from 330lbs of man fat, to 220lbs of muscle. He still, however showed a good deal of love handle, and his pecs were softer than the rest of his frame. Within a matter of minutes, Ben had managed to erase all indication of flab in his mid-section and tone his chest to perfection. The program had a tool that allowed the artist to effortlessly balance changes on one side of the body to reflect those on the other. 

When he finished, he leaned back to examine his work. He was astonished. The picture in front of him was flawless. Every line, shadow and curve was perfect—if he hadn’t known the image had been retouched, he would have sworn this hunk in front of him had been born that way. That gave Ben a thought. He had always loved big men. In college, he worked for the school paper, taking photographs and drawing images for the sports column. Sometimes he’d get hard just sketching a big boy’s arms, legs and buttocks. Lineman made him cream, and he loved to draw huge beefy men and jack off to his heart’s content. Could the program help him do that to this guy? 

He started with Hurley’s face, using the “before” image to recapture Carl’s strong double chin—he even added a goatee to give him a slight bearish quality. Then he worked on the upper body—smoothing out some of the pectoral and upper arm definitions so that Mr. Hurley looked more like a powerlifter than a bodybuilder. He lovingly sculpted the stomach, so that a strong gut emerged from the burgeoning six-pack abs, and placed it on powerfully built legs that would never fit into a standard pair of pants. He lengthened Hurley’s entire frame so that he took on the larger than life proportions of a comic book superhero. By the time Ben had finished, Mr. Carl Hurley had gone from a 220lb-muscle boy, to a 400lb behemoth that could play for any professional football team in the league. 

Again, he surveyed his work, astonished by the results. There before him was a perfect slab of male beef. His penis confirmed the aesthetic appeal. Suddenly, the little brain in his underwear took over. He wondered aloud, “If the software could turn Carl Hurley into a hunk…could it turn Joe Dante into a chunk?” His imagination and dick began to respond. He grabbed one of the shots of the owner of BodyWonder and went to work. The program was incredible. He had seen morphs online in many of the big men sites he frequented—many were poor in quality—impossibly stretched midsections on underwear models. Every now and then, he’d run into some real masterpieces, but for the most part, he’d lost interest quickly. And forget about men of color. No one seemed to have any interest in making Lee Haney fat. 

With this program, he would change all of that. It was as if the Morph software could read Ben’s mind. He watched as the tight, overly muscled body of BodyWonder’s founder melted into the smooth corpulent flesh of the men in Ben’s dreams. Under his mouse, Joe Dante’s pecs became voluminous man tits, puffed out and resting heavily on a stomach that fell past his mammoth thighs to his knees. His face, which most morphers failed to touch, became large and round with a huge double chin that enveloped any trace of a neck—his arms and shoulders joining it in a wide and fleshy mass. He gave him huge suckable nipples that sat in the exact center of perfectly round areolas the size of small saucers; and huge legs the size of Redwoods, with a rump to match. He finished him off with an organ long enough to peek past Dante’s stomach, and rest below the massive gut. 

When he had finished, Joe Dante looked like he weighed over a quarter of a ton—a perfect transformation. Ben had the raging hard-on of his life. This program was the stuff of all his fantasies. Of course, he would have to do normal sized renderings for campaigns, but he would have his own private gallery of manufactured big men all for himself. He clicked “file”, and then “save” and the familiar “are you sure you want to save this file?” prompt appeared. Ben clicked “okay” and oddly, the program asked again “are you really, really sure?” Ben did a double take—must be the programmer’s idea of a joke. He clicked “okay” again. “File saved”, was the software’s smug response. 

Ben yawned mightily and looked at his watch. Two A.M. He had been at this since eight in the evening. He knew he had to get up for work in a couple of hours, but there was one more rendering he had to do. He searched through the picture files on his computer and came up with the perfect image of Devin. It was one of their vacation photos. On the beach in Hawaii, Devin could have been an ancient island god. “Let’s see how the program does on a ‘brotha’”, Ben thought. He worked feverishly—barely containing his lust. When he had finished, he had the perfect Devin—a Devin that made Chucky from the Computer Cove look as if he was on Slim Fast. Ben shot the biggest load of his life, and fell fast asleep at the desk. 

He woke up late for work.

As he arrived breathless to the door of his office, he heard a great commotion coming from his supervisor’s suite. “Might as well start packing he thought.” Sure that firing was in store, he decided to get it over with, and headed towards the door to his boss’ office. He was not prepared for what he saw. Standing, well, stooping in the door of his superior’s suite was none other than Mr. Carl Hurley himself. Ben’s late evening jack off project was standing before him in the flesh. However, not the 220 pound muscle boy from neither the “after” picture, nor the fleshy 330-pound “before” fat man. In front of Ben was the spitting image of the morph that he had created: 400 pounds of Carl Hurley. He was so big; he could barely fit in the doorframe. Every part of him was exactly as Ben had sculpted: arms the size of an average man’s waist, chest so wide it struggled to stay inside the overly stretched super-sized sweatshirt he wore. His legs were so big; they had begun to rub the material between his thighs thin. He was phenomenal. 

His voice boomed in the small confines of the office. Ben caught the last part of his sentence: “…incredible! I took a glass full of supplement last night before bed, and I woke up like this! I must’ve grown half a foot and look at my body!” He flexed impossibly huge biceps and nearly hit his head on the frame of the door.

 “And look at mine!” came a muffled croak from inside the office. 

Hurley moved slightly, and Ben caught a glimpse of his second shock of the morning. Sitting in his boss’s office, taking up a couch that usually held three people, was one enormous Joe Dante. He too was exactly as Ben had morphed him—a human Jabba the Hut, scarfing down doughnut after doughnut: his jowls quivering as he struggled to keep up with his new hunger. There was so much fat on his body, he could barely raise his arms to stuff his sausage fingers in his mouth. His mountain of a belly stretched out three feet in front of him and cascaded down between his mammoth legs. And through his too tight sweatpants, Ben could make out the organ of organs hanging like an elephant’s trunk between them. Ben took a step backward, almost fainting in disbelief.

What the hell was going on? Had he done this? Dante was burping, eating and talking all at the same time. “Must be a glitch in the new formulas. I knew I should never sample this crap!” he said, spewing out chocolate sprinkles. “How am I going to sell this shit looking like Moby Dick?” “Speaking of which…” chuckled Hurley “…I’ve noticed a change in THAT area as well!” “Only damn good think about all this!” the mountain that was Dante replied—trying to reach for his mammoth penis that jumped every time he took another bite of doughnut. “Well we’ll just have to cancel any appearances until we figure out what went wrong. Until then,…” Dante eyed the remaining food with a lust usually intended for a night of raw sex “…I get to eat anything I want! Wheel me to the nearest all you can eat buffet!” 

Ben staggered to his desk—his eyes swimming from what he had just seen. Somehow, his lust-filled fantasy handiwork on the computer had become a reality. How was this possible? What kind of program was this that had the power to transform people with a few strokes of a mouse? He had to find answers. Chucky told him to come back to the Computer Cove if there were any problems with the software. Well, this was a big problem. 

He decided to go back to Chucky and find out if he knew anything else about the program or the homeless man who sold it to him. First, he needed to get to the restroom. His crotch was so hard from witnessing the two men’s transformation that he had trouble walking to the john. Once in a stall, he stripped down to his skivvies, propped one leg on the toilet seat, and let his mind play back the pictures of Joe Dante and Carl Hurley. Their sheer mass was unimaginable and hotter than he could have ever dreamed. 

He stroked himself and watched his cock grow hard and throbbing in a transformation of its own—veins bursting as the image of the burping Dante grew stronger. The force of his ejaculation threw him against the wall of the stall. Whatever was happening was certainly good for his libido. 

There was only one customer in the shop when Ben entered. A man at the counter was in a hushed conversation with Chucky. And what a man he was. It was a very obese man who, from the looks of his clothing had been growing quite rapidly. From behind, his fleshy rump crack was peeking boldly from pants that barely contained his big butt. His puny shirt could no longer hold his mass, and incredibly ample love handles played hide and seek on each side, exposing most of the mid-section. And what a mid-section it was. From where Ben stood, the man’s brown belly pressed on the counter and hung halfway down his thighs. He ungainly shifted, supporting his bulk by leaning his chubby arms on its surface. Chucky was so enrapt in conversation with this fat boy that he hadn’t looked up for his usual greeting. 

As Ben approached the two big men, he could hear bits of the conversation. The guy with his back turned must have been quizzing Ben about area eateries. “There’s a Pizza Hut around the corner that has a pretty good lunch buffet…” Chucky offered “…but with the way I bet you like to eat, try the Bloated Belly around the corner—they know how to treat guys like us!” It was then that Chucky noticed Ben. “Ben!” Chucky cried. “Look who stopped by to say ‘hello’!” The big boy turned around.

It was Devin.

TO BE CONTINUED

Copyright 2003 by FBC. All rights reserved.

[capenafuerte]

Mel Brooks (born Melvin Kaminsky on June 28, 1926) is an American actor, comedian and filmmaker. He is known as a creator of broad film farces and comedic parodies. Brooks began his career as a comic and a writer for Sid Caesar’s variety show Your Show of Shows (1950–1954) alongside Woody Allen, Neil Simon, and Larry Gelbart. Together with Carl Reiner, he created the comic character The 2,000 Year Old Man. He wrote, with Buck Henry, the hit television comedy series Get Smart, which ran from 1965 to 1970. https://www.instagram.com/p/CfTRYryObat/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[dedalvs]

Kopikon - September 23rd - Georgetown

Kopikon is coming to Georgetown University, September 23rd! We have a ton of fantastic conlang presenters, and a few spots are still available! If you're interested in registering, go here:

Our presenters are:

David J. Peterson: Creator of Dothraki, Valyrian (Game of Thrones/House of the Dragon), and Trigedasleng (The 100)

Jessie Sams: Creator of Ts'íts'àsh (Elemental), Méníshè (Motherland: Fort Salem), and Aazh Naamori (Vampire Academy)

Mark Okrand: Creator of Klingon (Star Trek) and Atlantean (Atlantis)

Paul Frommer: Creator of Na'vi (Avatar)

Carl Buck: Creator of Sangheili (Halo)

Biblaridion: From his self-named YouTube channel

John Quijada: Creator of Ithkuil

Sally Caves: Creator of Teonaht and the character Reginald Barclay

Sylvia Sotomayor: Creator of Kēlen

We've also got a musical performance from the incredible duo Jillian and Andrew Aversa.

We'd love to see you there!

[ao3feedbuddie]

Buck Gallagher?

Yourmom3435 I've seen like two? I think fics about Buck being a Gallagher but none of them are done so I figured why not do it myself. So this is just a fic about the 118 meeting/finding out about all of his siblings. Please don't ask about the timeline or Maddie. This is just something I wanted to do quick and easy without worrying about all the small details.   OR The 118 meeting/finding out about all of Bucks siblings. Bucks a Gallagher. Words: 817, Chapters: 2/2, Language: English Fandoms: 9-1-1 (TV), Shameless (US) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: Multi Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Bobby Nash, Athena Grant, Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Karen Wilson, Ian Gallagher, Mickey Milkovich, Carl Gallagher, Fiona Gallagher, Lip Gallagher, Howie "Chimney" Han, Debbie Gallagher, Liam Gallagher (Shameless US) Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich, Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Henrietta "Hen" Wilson/Karen Wilson Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Kinda?, not really - Freeform, Buck Gallagher, Protective Evan "Buck" Buckley, buddie, secretive Evan "Buck" Buckley, Buck is a Gallagher via https://ift.tt/iDOh59E "

[seizerofdarkness]

Baby!Ben and Dad!Tetrax

I just had this AU idea some days ago and I felt like writing something out of it

Approaching the vehicle parked in the desert, the crystal-made Bounty Hunter knocked three times on the door. He waited a bit, wondering how he even ended up here in the first place.

He had pretended to be a Hunter for hire again, acted as if he was going to help the cyborg and Sotoraggian get the Omnitrix for Vilgax and now spent the afternoon alone chasing the car through the dunes of the empty desert.

Thankfully, it seemed the Omnitrix’s signal has been cut off, meaning whoever using it finally stopped tampering with the device. And since the vehicle seemed to be empty of whatever fuel it used, he could interrogate the current bearer of the Omnimatrix.

He had to wonder what kind of man Max Tennyson was, though. According to the reports he recently received, the old Plumber had found the Omnitrix and put an end to his retirement to fight off any incoming thief who had tried to steal the Omnitrix away.

But oddly enough, it seemed he didn’t use the Omnitrix that much for his bidding. He apparently ordered some Plumber weapons for self-defense, kept changing locations and witnesses said they didn’t ever see him with something remotely resembling the device in question.

It was impossible to take the Omnitrix off unless the user managed to unlock the codes for it or if the creator gave the user the code (and Azmuth would’ve told Tetrax if it was the case). Yet the signal was going strong almost every 20 minutes since he arrived on Earth, so either Max Tennyson solely used the Omnitrix for training and only started using it more frequently when Tetrax came.

Or there was something wrong with the signals.

He didn’t see another reason why everything seemed so... illogical with the data he gathered. A Magister (a retired one but still) should know the Omnitrix should be used cautiously, instead of using it over and over again like the madmen who wanted it for theirselves would probably do.

It was already tiring enough to get here. He wanted to fix his mistakes, to bring Vilgax down, to see Petropia again, to feel whole without the mess he made back then, but he knew it was impossible for now. This mission should be easy: check on the Omnitrix’s wearer, discuss with him on what to do with it and its inner functions, make a report and send it to Azmuth. Easy.

Sure, he hadn’t expected the man to trap him, Sixsix and Kraab in the mines after luring them with the signal, and he should’ve been more careful now that the man was fleeing. What reason did Max Tennyson have to run away from a fight anyway? He had the Omnitrix, Bounty Hunters (specifically an unwilling one and two incompetent ones) should’ve been no match for him.

He started getting impatient and knocked on the door again.

“Magister Tennyson, are you here? I’m Tetrax Shard, charged of guarding the Omnitrix. I know you’re here, I’ve been informed of you receiving it and must do a checkup on your use of it. Please open the door and cooperate.”

He kept waiting for the old man to open. Was he that wary of the Petrosapian? He hadn’t exactly been the most friendly back there either, attacking him as a cover so that the other two hunters wouldn’t suspect a thing. But now they were alone, and Tetrax revealing his identity should raise at least a few flags.

“Magister Tennyson, if you do not cooperate, I’ll have to enter by force.” he threatened.

Still no response. He took his gloves off but before he could send a hurricane of crystals onto the RV, the door finally opened, revealing a grey-haired old man in a red Hawaiian shirt.

“Yes, I am Max Tennyson, but you have the wrong idea.”

Tetrax lowered his arms down and analyzed the human in front of him. He didn’t look that much in shape to fight, and seemed a bit too old to fight without a good weapon. Good thing he received the Omnitrix. Speaking of which...

Where was the Omnitrix?

Tetrax’s eyes widened as he realized the human’s hands were bare from the Omnitrix, only having some bandages here and there. Did he take it off the bad way?

Why would he do that? Vilgax the Conqueror was chasing out whoever wore it, and it was already bad enough that the one responsible of getting the Omnitrix already had a bad history with him (like anyone who ever met Vilgax).

“What’s the meaning of this? Why aren’t you wearing the Omnitrix?”

Max sighed. “Come inside” he said, beckoning the alien to follow him. As he got in, he heard a cry and saw a green flash of light coming out of the bedroom, from what looked like a child playground. He saw something red crawling on the wall and yelped as the four-armed tiny creature jumped on his face.

He felt a dozen of tiny punches on his face, not enough to knock him out but still strong enough to prevent him from seeing AND it felt quite annoying. As he was about to pierce through the attacker with his crystal arm, Max took a hold of his hand and spoke out.

“Ben! Behave!”

“But Grandpa!” came a whiny voice from the red fiend on Tetrax’s face. He felt the thing coming off and, as he looked, there was a green-eyed infant Tetramand jumping into Max’s arms.

“A... Tetramand?”

“Ben, we have a guest, it’s not nice to attack people without knowing why they’re here.”

“But Grandpa! He tried to hurt you! And he scared Gwen! He’s a meanie!” the baby Tetramand pouted.

A little redheaded human girl with buck teeth, a pink dress and a yellow skirt came out of behind the curtains of one of the bed. She ran to Max and asked “Ben, is the big mean man gone?” She looked at Tetrax and immediately shouted, crying again and hiding behind Max “Waaaaahhhh! He’s still here! Ben make him go aaaahhhh!”

Max picked the little girl and pet her hair. “There, there. It’s okay, Gwen. He’s not going to hurt anyone. He’s a nice man.”

Tetrax stood speechless while Max took care of both kids. The Tetramand toddler wore a black and white shirt, with the Omnitrix symbol on his upper left arm.

No.

No.

NO.

No!

This couldn’t be it. No way a baby was able to get the Omnitrix. This had to be an error, maybe there was a function that could make the wearer look younger and he wasn’t told. Anything but this, it was just plain unimaginable.

The Omnitrix beeped red and the young Tetramand soon turned into a young human toddler, wearing green overalls with white numbers saying "5 1/2" on a black square in front, a white shirt underneath it.

Tetrax blinked twice, before sighing and opening his helmet, making his face visible, to which both toddlers made impressed sounds.

“Would you mind explaining what’s going on?” he said as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“...and now he’s wearing it and can’t take it off.” Tetrax pulled the largest sigh ever made in Earth’s records.

“You’re telling me, that you left your own grandson unsupervised and allowed him to get in the forest, where the Omnitrix landed and merged with his DNA?! What kind of sick joke is this?!”

“Look, I was busy taking care of Gwen at the time. The children’s parents wanted me to show them the country for summer vacation, before getting them in kindergarten at the beginning of October. Ben and Gwen are hard to manage together when you haven’t raised a baby in about 30 years. Ben sneaked off while I was cleaning up the mess he made. When he came back moments after, he was a Pyronite and almost burned the carpet.”

“How long did it take for you to find out he was gone?”

“The same amount of time it took him to find the Omnitrix. Babies are full of energy, especially Ben. I know it seems impossible, but I’m trying to teach him how to use it and not to show his powers in public.”

That was it, Tetrax’s patience had reached its limits. A toddler with the Omnitrix. What else did Max Tennyson have in mind?! Was his granddaughter an alien too?! He immediately stood back up from his seat and raised his voice.

“No, I don’t care what you’re trying to do, but this child isn’t keeping the Omnitrix. I’ll bring him over to its creator for its removal, I’ll notify you when I’ll bring him back.”

It didn’t take more than two seconds for Max to raise a protective hand towards his grandson.

“Don’t even think about it! Ben is my grandson and my son Carl counted on me to take care of him. My family needs me more than ever after my last slip-up and I won’t fail them even if the universe is at stakes!”

“You don’t understand, this is beyond your little family problems. Vilgax is hunting that kid down and he won’t give up until he gets what he wants. This is for his own safety as well as everyone else in this entire solar system. Give him to me.”

“Maybe he can go to outer space when he gets older, but now he’s still just a baby. Can’t Azmuth come by himself to take it off of Ben’s wrist?”

“This is plain ridiculous, you’re letting your-”

They were interrupted by another cry from the baby girl. Gwen was crying again. They were so busy arguing they didn’t notice the poor little girl tearing up at the conversation.

“Nooooo grandpaaaaaaa! I don’t want Ben to goooo wwwwaaaaahhhhhhh!” she screamed in an obnoxiously loud voice, probably loud enough to make a Sonorasian go home.

“There there, Gwen” said Max as he picked his granddaughter up, patting her back to comfort her. “It’s okay, Ben isn’t going anywhere. Not if I have something to say about it.”

Another green flash of green came from the playground, and a blue flash sped through before climbing on the window.

“You won’t kidnap me you big alien jerk if I’m XLR8!” he pouted, in Kineceleran form, before sprinting out of the RV.

Tetrax felt like he was about to lose his mind. His planet is destroyed, his current employer is a misanthrope, Vilgax and the other hunters were probably still out there, and now he had to get the Omnitrix back from a child, one that could probably hurt himself while doing so.

He picked up his hoverboard and came out of the RV, about to chase the young boy, but he stopped as soon as he set a foot outside the vehicle. Not only because Max held him back despite his injured hands, but also because Sixsix and Kraab were now standing in front of the door, their weapons aimed at both men. He growled in frustration.

This really wouldn't be easy, would it?

Heatblast threw fireballs at the nearby rocks, venting out his anger on the empty desert in front of him. It wasn't fair!

First, Gwen got the last cupcake, then the Sumo Slammers movie was canceled and he'd have to wait a week before seeing it, he was grounded for making Gwen cry with Ghostfreak and now one of the meanies who hurt his Grandpa wanted to take his toy away!

He'd have to look for Ben to do that, and no way Ben lets him take the...

How did the Diamondhead meanie call the watch? The Omnitrix? He wasn't sure and he didn't care, no one will steal his new toy. No one!

He started tiring after a few moments and, still angry at what Tetrax tried to do, he cried very hard. Heatblast didn't notice the fire on his body growing at every minute and, before he could realize it, the watch started beeping and he reverted back to Ben.

The transformation snapped him out of his crying mess and, as he tried to wipe his tears away, he saw what trouble he got himself into.

All around him there was glass. Millions of shards everywhere. He couldn't walk through them and the watch was red, which meant he couldn't use Stinkfly or Ghostfreak to fly away. Scared, he called out for help.

"Grandpa! Gwen! Mommy! Daddy!" he shouted, scared at the idea of staying stuck in this place. "Help! Heeeeeelp!"

Afraid of hurting himself, he tried to step back and took a glance behind him. Nope, there were too many shards, he'd end up like the poor creature his Grandpa usually gave him and Gwen for dinner if he took even one step forward.

He wanted to see his family again so bad now, he would do anything to get help now. He swore to be nicer. He promised himself, if he could get out of here, he'd let Gwen play with his toys, he'd clean his bed every morning and night, he'd give all his marbles back to JT even if they weren't friends anymore, he'd eat all the food his mommy and Grandpa gave him even if he didn't like it, he'd even-

He was interrupted from his promises by a voice.

"Kid, are you in here?" he recognized Tetrax's voice and pouted.

"NO!"

Tetrax was standing several feet away, his crystal-made body allowing him to walk on the now spiky ground without any visible pain. As he tried to get nearby, it seemed Ben was about to move, potentially injuring himself, prompting the Petrosapian to stay where he was.

"Don't you want to see your grandfather?"

That struck a nerve. Ben started to shout angrily at the alien. If he could, he'd become Wildmutt, bite this meanie in the back and pee on his car. Max told him not to do that, but his grandpa wasn't here for now and he could do what he wants.

“Go away!”

“I’m trying to help.”

“Liar liar, pants on fire! You’re a bad guy, you don’t help people, you hurt them!”

“I am a mercenary and a heroic warrior. You on the other hand, you don’t know how to use the Omnitrix. You could hurt someone with it, you trapped yourself in here, you tried to break my nose and now, you’re making your grandfather and sister worry.”

“Gwen is my cousin, not my sister! And you don’t know a thing about being a hero!”

“I don’t?” the Petrosapian teased.

“Yeah you don’t! You attacked my grandpa with those guys and you want to steal my watch. You’re wearing all dark clothes, that’s how bad guys dress! And then, you talk about helping, but you said you were a hunter! Hunters kill animals and that’s mean! You’re a bad guy!”

“Then if animals are bad, is it bad to get rid of them?”

“If they have a family to feed, yes! Grandpa taught me to be nice and I want to be a hero with the watch. You don’t have your grandpa with you, you don’t know how to be nice! So it makes you bad!” Ben stuck his tongue out.

“A family. Huh...” Tetrax looked down after the child’s argument had made its impact. “I haven’t seen my family in years now.” That startled Ben right away.

“What?! You don’t see your mommy and daddy anymore?”

“I... you’re right, I am a bad person.” Tetrax shook his head. ”I let everyone on my planet die because I didn’t want their help anymore, I wanted to do everything by myself and for myself, I didn’t think about anyone else.” Ben felt guilty about what he just told the alien. “I took this job as a way to be strong and before I knew it, I helped someone destroy everything I loved, everyone I used to care about.”

“I...I...I’m sorry, mister.”

“What for? You weren’t responsible for what happened.”

“No, but that’s sad. Nobody deserves to be alone. I ran away and made you go all the way here when you didn’t even have anyone to help. Well, except Grandpa, but you don’t know him. But why did you try to take my watch? Did it belong to you before I found it?”

“No, but I was asked to make sure if the person wearing it was a good one, if they could use the power responsibly to help people instead of harming them.” Tetrax decided baby talk could help. The kid was too young and had a good reason for being unable to understand some things. “Your grandpa told me about him teaching you how to fight villains. Doesn’t it bother you to do that all the time?”

“No, I love to help! I can save the world, stop bad guys, hang out with cool guys, have amazing stuff to thank me,” Tetrax winced at the last one “get stronger, have fun with my powers and the coolest thing is, I’m like a superhero!”

Tetrax couldn’t help but laugh a bit at what the child told him.

“What’s funny, mister?”

“Nothing, it’s just... I expected you to attack me more, I didn’t think we’d have a talk over this. You’re more smart than you let people think, I just hope it’s not too much for you, you might regret wearing the Omnitrix at some point.”

“Mister... I don’t want to give my watch, I like it, it’s so cool I wanna keep it! Pleeeeaaase?”

The Omnitrix’s Guardian thought it over.

Max told me he’d keep an eye on him. It’s too dangerous to leave at the hands of a toddler, but it could all work out. He doesn’t know what danger he’s exposing himself in, but maybe practice can make perfect in the situation. He could become a potential asset in case the universe gets in serious danger.

“Ben, I’m sorry. You can keep the watch now. I shouldn’t have attacked the Rustbucket (even though I didn’t really have a choice), I should’ve asked you nicely if you wanted to keep the watch. Instead I ran after you and tried to take you away. I’m sorry.”

Ben didn’t seem in a sour mood anymore and with a cheerful voice, he said “Don’t worry about me mister! I’m okay now! It’s okay! Hey, maybe you’re not such a bad guy after all.”

Tetrax smiled at the remark and got closer to Ben. “Need any help?” he lent a hand, to which Ben pouted again (albeit with a more playful face).

“I’m a big boy now, I can do it on my own!”

“Oh really?” Tetrax teased.

“Yeah!” Ben said as he touched the now green Omnitrix’s dial. Before Tetrax could tell him to be careful, he slammed the dial and turned into, not an Ectonurite, not a Lepidotpterran, not even a Pyronite, but a young little Petrosapian.

“Woops! Well, I can now walk on my own!” he said as he started running before tripping on a rock and ending up covered in pieces of glass. At least it couldn’t pierce through his skin now, it was fine.

Tetrax stared at Diamondhead for a bit, definitely not expecting his species to be part of the ones available in the current roster the Omnitrix generated, much less expecting to see an infant creature from his planet after such a long time.

He walked over and picked the young boy up, putting him in his arms and gently patting his head. “Let’s get you home now.”

“I think I’ll join you” he declared.

“Huh?” Max raised a brow at what Tetrax told him.

“I said I will accompany you on your vacation to make sure Ben stays safe and uses the Omnitrix correctly.”

“What?!” asked Max, surprised at the reveal. “But don’t you need to make a report to Azmuth? How will he react if he doesn’t get it?”

“I already sent him a dozen of them, he didn’t respond even once.” he huffed “It will be much easier to take care of an alien child if there’s an alien nearby, once that actively interacts with other species and knows what they’re capable of.”

Max tried to argue but was interrupted by XLR8 running inside the RV. The blue speedster was immediately caught by Tetrax. “Got you, little speed demon” he smirked.

“Is it true?! You’re staying with us for the rest of the summer?! Is it true Grandpa?” asked XLR8 in a very excited voice.

Max looked at his bandages, recalling all the times Ben ‘went hero’ inside and pretty much damaged a good part of the furniture. Having a babysitter, one that wouldn’t contact the authorities as soon as his grandson turned into a living flamethrower, would be nice while he could focus on keeping Gwen safe from this entire mess.

“Fine, you can come with us for the road-trip. But don’t think I forgot about what happened earlier, you’ll have to do some chores around if you want to stay.”

“Hmm, I don’t mind.”

“YAY!” shouted XLR8 before reverting back to Ben, giving his new friend a hug.

“But Grandpa” asked Gwen “Isn’t the Rustbucket too small for all of us?”

“Don’t worry, there’s enough room for-”

“I CAN SHARE MY BED WITH HIM!” announced Ben. Everyone looked at him.

“But Ben” said Gwen in a worried voice “he’s too heavy, he’ll crush me if he breaks the top bunk.”

“You can sleep on the top bunk now, I’ll sleep on the bottom one with my new best friend!”

“Really?! Yaaaaaaay” said Gwen as she ran to bounce on the top bunk. Max quickly ran to prevent her from bouncing off and hurting herself.

“It looks like everyone already accepted you as part of the family.” said Max in a friendly way. Tetrax smiled.

Family.

It did feel good to be part of something like this.

Tetrax refrained himself from laughing as Ben kept moving in his spot, trying to find a right position to sleep.

“Told ya. Even without my armor, my skin is too tough to rest your head on.” He now wore a black tank and blue shorts with a material strong enough to not be cut by a diamond head. But now it seemed the metal armor was more comfortable than his bare skin.

Ben looked at Tetrax and blinked twice before getting an idea. “I know!” He slapped the Omnitrix, and turned into Diamondhead again. “There” he laid his head on the adult’s arm and, almost instantly, he fell into slumber.

Tetrax knew it would only be a matter of time before the Omnitrix timed out, but he decided to let the kid have his fair share of sleep. He brought Ben closer to his chest and, feeling the boy raise his arms in his sleep to hug him, he smiled before falling asleep too.

It felt nice to have someone to care for.

[popculturebuffet]

Patreon Membership Drive

Hello all you happy people! And welcome one and all to my blog. If your seeing my blog for the first time i’m Jake. I review various animated shows and comic books, with such projects as an exaustive look at the animated history of The Three Cablleros, Every Lena episode of Ducktales 2017, a look at all of Scott Pilgrim that’s wrapping up in august and currently a look at the 2017 Ducktales. I also review Owl House every weekend as it comes out and do the same for Amphibia and did the same for Ducktales. 

Point is I like reviewing episodes or full seasons of shows, arcs of comics or just doing full retrospectives on something and i’ve made a good stab at making a living: I’ve picked up two Patreons: Superfan @weirdkev27​ and Emma Fici, a close friend of mine, and Kev pays for a LOT of reviews each month i’m happy to do, said Lena and Cabs Retrospectives were his ideas and ones I would’ve gladly done on my own time had I thought of them first. 

But while i’m greatful for both, especailly Kev, i’m just not making enough to really contribute at my house, to buy meals or groceries and to really do more than just pay the streaming bills each month and buy shit for myself on occasion. So i’ve TRIED for months and months to get more patrons. For those unaware of what Patreon is, Patreon is a platform where creators, such as myself can get paid monthly by fine folks such as yourself. This helps them get paid when say, the webstie they’ve hitched themselves too dosen’t pay them any ad revenue , hint hint. 

Most patreons have goals attached to earnings: they make a certain amount a month, the person will do a thing, and for reviewers that’s a special review of some sort. I’ve tried doing this but it only worked up to 15 bucks and since then no one else has bit and the whole thing has stalled. But luckily for me there’s another way patreon can measure goals so i’ve switched to that: 

THE BOTTOM LINE: FROM HERE ON OUT EVERY PATRON WHO JOINS MY PATREON, EVEN AT JUST A DOLLAR A MONTH, HELPS ME REACH A GOAL, AND THUS GETS A CERTAIN REVIEW OR RETROSPECTIVE ON MY SCHEDULE AND GUARANTEED TO BE DONE BY ME AS SOON AS I CAN. 

That means if you pledge just one buck a month, though more is appricated and 5 a month gets you a review of your chocie a month, you help me reach one of many fabulous goals. So what are they?

GOALS:

1 New Patron: Reviews of Amphibia Season 1 and BOTH seasons of Tuca and Bertie!  2 New Patrons: For my Scottaholics reviews of Brian Lee O Malley’s OTHER comics Lost at Sea, Seconds and Snotgirl.  3 New Patrons: A complete season one review of the Owl House! 4 New Patrons: For you duck fans a review of a Carl Barks comic EVERY month 5 New Patrons: A review of America, An utterly batshit and terrible solo title for a great character aka...

6 new patrons: A Complete Gravity Falls Retrospective! Season 1, the shorts, Season 2, Lost Legends and Journal 3! All reveiwed, all for you! 7 New Patrons:  Chuck Austen’s X-Men Reviewed! For the unintaited, it’s a run where Angel’s blood can magically cure aids, Nightcrawler is a demon, a group of anti mutant extremists inact a plan to make nightcrawler pope, and Angel has sex with an underaged girl in front of her parents. Ha ha i’m in hell.  8 New Patrons: A Review of the ORIGINAL She Ra series from the 80s! For those less familiar with it myself included it’ll be a rich full look at what she ra was like before it was OPENLY gay. It will be vast as it is rediculous.  9. New Patrons: Darkwing Duck Comics Retrospective! A look at the utterly awesome Boom and Joe Books ongoings that updated our daring duck of mystery for a new era.  10 New Patrons: She Ra and the Pricnesses of Power Retrospective: all 5 seasons of the gayest, grandest space opera in animation history! 

And if that wasn’t enough i’m adding THREE BONUS GOALS. While the rest of these goals will stay put, these goals are exclusive to this pledge drive.

5 New Patrons by End of August: A review of the “This Duckburg Life” Podcast , Seasons 1 and 2 of final space and seasons 1-5, the movie and future of steven unvierse reviewed! 10 New Patrons by End of August: Infinity Train: Seasons 1-4 reviewed.  1 New Patron By the End of July: The Great North Season 1 5 New Patrons by End of July: A Review of the Danny Phantom Film “The Ultimate Enemy” It’s Eric Roberts as an evil future Danny whose a combination of the Maestro and Venom do you really need a hard sell here?  10 New Patreons by the End of July: A look at All 5 Seasons of Rick and Morty. Yes i’m throwing myself into that fandom snakepit. 

So yeah a LOT of stuff. I can’t promise it’ll be done all at once especailly if I somehow magically hit ALL these goals by july, i’ll have to meter it out but I do promise you WILL get all of this if you help me. I get some fincial security and you get a shit ton of review content. 

So if you want to help me review ANY of the stuff you see simply sign up at PATREON.COM/POPCULTUREBUFFET TODAY. That’s  PATREON.COM/POPCULTUREBUFFET in case you mention it. Help me pitch in on the groceries TODAY. Just ONE DOLLAR a month helps and will reach hit a goal.